#id literally rather die
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wearing a corset today might have been a bad idea
#my ribs are creaking#which is weird ive only had it for like two hours#apparently new binder&corset combo is fatal#ouchies#but i have to go out in the evening for a social event. and i do NOT want to go to a public cafe binderless#id literally rather die#my ribs have an hour to recover hopefully ill live
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i literally only started this blog to spread the quillkiller agenda and now i barely talk about them anymore and…………. only talk about lilyrosekiller ?
#worlds worst dyke award goes to me#WHERE ARE MY TWO INSANE BOYFRIENDS i say as if ive ever slept with a man in my entire life#id literally rather die#WHO HAVE I BECOME#me pretending they’re just butch lesbians >
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@spacepsychologist please tell the psych ward adolescents hi!! And that I'm sorry everything sucks rn. I hope someone helps you feel heard *hugs/high fives/elbows/smiles/whatever consensual interaction here*
Super smol traumadump below, feel free to share this too :)
I was hospitalized/institutionalized as a minor for 6ish months, around age 15. I missed my entire senior year (including prom and graduation) trying to get through it all.
this sucks so bad i need to [remembers suicide jokes only worsen my mental health] put on the best talent show this towns ever seen
#psychward#adolescents#mental health#hospital#validation#sometimes “it gets better” doesnt cut it#it sucks to be hospitalized like that#(how do i write troubled teen industry and also hide that tag)#its my biggest fear tbh#id literally rather die#im good tho#CPTSD#depression/anxiety#AuDHD
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i forget how fucking hard it is to draw mouths until Literally Every Time I Do It. how does one forget such a TORTURE im gonna end it all
#currently drawing an OPEN Mouth.#id literally rather die#im GONNA die.#like please why are they so fucking WEIRD#blah blah!#not 75 stuff
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☆farmer cole☆
its my stinky guy finally officially introduced in 2025 hows it going (pls click for better quality)
the ref stuff for him!!
this is the third "intro" ive made for him, the previous ones are 2021-2023 (under read more)
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i dont have good quality pics of the first two but yea :P idk why hes holding 1 drum stick & why its so short and skinny ig i was basing it off my old one lmfao
#whats rly sad is that i really tried but i know exclusively oc stuff doesnt get attention & id rather die than use seb tags#but thats okay we literally ball#stardew valley#stardew valley fanart#stardew valley farmer#sdv farmer#stardew valley oc#sdv oc#farmer cole#rot in my cat brain
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oh hey look i actually bothered to make the tickly version to this piece!! this is what was going on in my head when i drew the og
kink/nsfw/fetish blogs dni please!!!
#tickle art#my art#lee!blitz#ler!striker#i love that my striker 'redes' looks exactly like canon with almost no changes#and blitz is virtually unrecognizable. how it should be i think#im sorry you cant make me draw his fuckass forehead id rather die#helluva boss tickle#um. runs away and hides foresver#stri//ker is my biggest tkle crush.......ever#so this is shameful. im literally posting this and then immediately going to sleep LOL#sorry i havent drawn in a whilleeee ive been busy graduating college :)#also my birthday is tomorrwo so this is kind of a birthday present To Me
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Imagine saying yes and the very next day your favorite author, who hasn’t shown signs of life since 2018, uploads a 100k word work. Or your fav unfinished fic gets updated to completion.
And for you loophole seekers, you can no longer read books or fics you've already read either. Also, podfics and audiobooks count as reading. They're banned too.
#id literally rather die#there’s no amount of money in the world that could get me to say yes to this#fanfiction#ao3#fanfic#books#litterature
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we know that Reko's father forced her into the industry at an early age, but it's not entirely clear what genre. The idea of it being an 'industry' definitely implies she was more of a pop idol since there isn't really a 'classical' industry in the same vein, though there is still definitely heavy competition and a lot of notoriety to be gained through being very skilled at classical music, especially at an early age, so I wouldn't be so quick to write that off, either. Even so, the plot line of her being 'forced to make music she didn't want to make' and her father being blinded by money definitely feels like it makes more sense in the context of a popstar. In my personal opinion, I like the pop idol route because it really emphasizes the distinction between her current views and aesthetic and the one her father would've been trying to get her to be. A sudden stark rebellion by going super edgy and emo in middleschool contrasts with her needing to be seen as nice, innocent, happy all the time (and probably a fair bit more feminine than she actually felt, too, since alt styles are heavily associated with androgyny). Its also worth noting that she mentioned crushing multiple huge industry offers throughout her later years, which further implies she had a strong reputation already. However logic is pulling on my sleeve and it's telling me that it honestly feels weirder for a 10-13 (this age range being chosen with the logic that it would've had to been *before* or she entered middle school, as per her personal account) year old kid to be a super successful pop idol than a highly successful classical music prodigy. Though, I guess there's the possibility her father actively lied about her age to get her in the idol industry.
#part of this could be a cultural translation issue in the sense of me being a westerner#keep in mind in japan elementary middle and high school are different lengths than their counterparts in the US#but its only pushed forward by about a year as far as im aware#which means she'd still be super young for the majority of this#which is kind of strange timing all things considered#it feels like it would make more sense if she gained notoriety during her middle school years under her father and then rebelled as#a highschooler if anything#but i dont know much about japanese idol culture either#but id assume idols existing that young let alone getting popular that young is pretty uncommon?#maybe its even a literal translation issue rather than a cultural one? who knows#reko yttd#reko yabusame#yabusame reko#yttd rant#your turn to die#kimi ga shine#the reason i mark it as so early is because reko's ai states she rebelled in middle school#the way its phrased makes it sound like she was already in the industry before while at that point#she claims that she started composing music and lyrics in grade school#so i think the intent was that once she got labeled as 'gifted' she was probably an idol for i'd imagine more than a year or two#i guess theres always the plain and simple answer that she just started school a year or two later? but even then...#obsession original#this is an old ass draft (from maybe november?) and im finally releasing it from captivity#samurai yaiba
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I could go on and on and spiral about a LOT of things relating to NSBU:
The NATURE of the nsbu movie and what THAT could entail and what THAT could mean for the characters in this movie
The way at how everyone in the main cast AND barsimmion follow the themes of the lack of change and stalemate in life
#nsbu spoilers#d20 nsbu#never stop blowing up#im so glad they finally ran into barsimmion bc it essentially means we can see what id like to call. the metaplot#which is essentially. okay so you have nsbu the movie plot. the shadow falcons the santo patron the kingskins group etc.#the metaplot is very simply: everything relating to the lake elsinore gang#anyway cal and i devolved into a half an hour talk about what IS nsbu the movie.#and the idea that potential of. almost self awareness to this fact. bc to these guys all of THIS? is resl to them and theyre living it#it changes in a dime#and they keep going. actions and consequences bay bee#so to have this ever flowing ebb and flow of a lifestyle juxtaposed with these 6 normies who REFUSE to do anything more with their life.#or rather might be too scared to consider what could happen if they take the first step or cant emotionally do it. whatever the reason.#putting these guys in situations where THEY DO have to act. where they do have to change bc if they dont they WILL LITERALLY DIE#its fun its really fun to think about
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at the risk of sounding like a Very Hurt Person ill be frank. Seto Kaiba being set up as a traumatized, mentally ill kid with PTSD, who had to cope alone and heal alone and bury his past and reinvent himself, proving to and deeply convincing himself that he can do anything in the process, resulting in this narcissistic double ended blade persona, which, narratively speaking, only gets stomped on, by the good guys, antagonized, by the good guys, and as the Merciful course of action the good guys: Force Him Back Into Accepting And Becoming His Past Self (literally cant imagine a worse fate for anyone who had to erase their past and remake themselves tbh) With Its Past Loves And Past Hurts:
this shit suck lol
#not art#seto kaiba#yugioh#ygo#i might hiss like a wounded animal when Atem is near Kaiba. but worry not. its only because im personally offended when he speaks to seto#i AM projecting before anyone accuses me of it. but the interpretation is solid sadly. this post is canon compliant!#do with that what you will#would literally rather die than to have a a gang of friends following me and forcing me to accept FURTHER BACK the past i escaped like#wdym??? ill kms?????? right now??#and the secret past is one where he was your SERVANT???? this man with THIS ego???????YOUR LOYAL SERVANT?#AND HE LOST THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE THERE????? and he spent the rest of his life MOURNING after both yall???????#no id rather kms than acknowledge im sorry#i get him#this is why im a kaiba kinnie and youre a kaiba shipper with atem or yugi or joey#LMAO came out swinging at the last sentence im unwell rn
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man. i wish i was still into dhmis loool
#and hiagb. and ososan. lol.#like idk its so weird right? interest naturally ebbs and flows and comes and goes and all that#but i always feel like im letting everyone down lol#like it is by the grace of god that i havent deleted my dhmis sideblog#idk. i was going thru my sketchbooks earlier and i have sooo many half done animations and half finished comic scripts that are just never#going to come to fruition looool how depressing#and like. i could post them half finished i guess but whats the fucking point of that? hey everyone here's evidence of my shit work ethic!#id literally rather choke. whatever. its just weird and looking at it all the unfinished work makes me feel so guilty.horrible pit in my gut#it makes me wanna delete everything off the internet and just run yknow? who else knows that epic feeling#where you feel like you let everyone down by not being 100% dedicated to something until you die!!!#and now your instinct is to run away forever!! :p#GOD i am embarrassing. grown ass woman. 25 yrs olddddddd#mari.txt
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I'm just curious because I feel like I've realized that all the stereotypical "shame around sex" that gets instilled into kids instead all got shoved into shame around people knowing about this kink and I've considered exploring that with a therapist but also....I hate talking about the fet out loud 🥲
#my post#poll#snz kink#snuestion for the crowd#literally i will happily give every minute detail about the sex ive had or the sex i want to have#but the moment it involves the snz id rather die than talk about it out loud
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is it an eating disorder thing to hate food and wish you could just absorb it telepathically or something bc the chore of actually eating it just sux so infinity
#i genuinely think i have some type of eating disorder i just hate eating. when i eat im like god when will this be over lol.#its labor its so stupid and a waste of my time like#obvi sometimes if its something i really like its great but even then theres a 70% chance i still wont want it even if its my favorite#if i could i would just straight inject it like id literally rather do that. idk WHY im like this but the fact that#if i dont eat ill die is SUCH bullshit to me
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I forgot completely about this passage I'm like. okay so love is real and will tear us all apart also. okay
#SHOULD I KILL MYSELFF#my thoughts#pacrim#the mines#'you will never know i felt id rather die alone than watch someone i love struggle to live' in the context of dcwt events goes like#literally insane insane. hesus christ
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How 2 do well in school, which is starting soon, no glue no borax
#i think im smart. maybe. cuz my finals last uear were aparently AWESOME for some fucking reason#i was failing allll my classes tho#except like. gym. but the rest were legit all Fs#idk how i passed.....#im just godly#but fr ive gyat no motivation to do anything ever and honestly id rather kms than be there BUT i have a gf now and also the convergence ->#-> reboot hasnt come out so i cant die yet#ive lost most motivation for my hobbies at this point and now i gotta go back to that freakshow#SIGH#the ppl there are MEAN and some of the things they tey to teach us with suck ASS#PLEASE. IM SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD AT ENGLISH. IT USED TO BE MY BEST SUBJECT#😭😭😭😭😭#the thing we have to do stuff on tho SUCKS bc i can barely ever finish it in class cuz theres not enough time and i dont have the motivation#to do it at home so eventually i just stopped bothering with it#like i just stopped#honestly halfway through last year i just gave tf up in general 😭💀and they literally pulled me away and were like “r u ok....”#i dont remember where i was going with this#im eepy everything hurrts i dont wanna go back#i wanna be silly i wanna make straight As and Bs like when i was an little kid i want to make the ppl that care about me happy but.augh#vent post#I GUESS#mother get me tested + medicated challeng e level IMPOSSIBLE😭😭😭😭😭#ganvg im starting to think i may have smth besides the adhd.... hmmm.......
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evolution of my oc from her first (known) design to now :-)
(no longer a ghs oc, but she originally was)
#my art#digital art#artists on tumblr#art#small artist#artists of tumblr#digital artist#artist on tumblr#artwork#art on tumblr#ghs#gregory horror show#gregory house#no i wont give away my 2018 ask blo i think id rather die. literally.
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