#id literally pay for any of this or just stuff for my girls in general so pls

[hostilemuppet]

Coming from your most recent post, l'd really like to hear your interpretations of the PPG X RRB's dynamics!

I'm not personally a shipper of them myself, but I'd love to hear something related to that outside of the typical tropes of good girl/bad boy type stuff

before i start, i made this post about how i see the boys in general which may provide greater context for some of the things i say here but might not be necessary since i dont really get into brick or blossom specifically, just generally what i think the boys Deals are

so to start with, my ideal blossick isnt actually blossick. as in, theyre not actually together. the MIGHT get together in the future, maybe, but a loooooot would have to change. specifically with brick. 90% of this is centred on brick, and how fucked up he is, because my favourite blossick is brick having a one sided obsession with her while she barely remembers he exists when hes not around to make his existence her problem

for context about how i see brick (ill try to mostly talk about the show itself since thats like... the main thing, but im also influenced by extracanonical and official-but-noncanon material since there is so little for the boys in the show), i dont see him being that stoic, effortlessly cool bad boy hes usually portrayed as. i think that is not only boring, but against how the show implies that he is very insecure and very loud about hiding it.

when the girls tease them for their new hair, butch doesnt care and boomer takes it as a compliment, while brick is so upset by it hes twitching because how DARE those stupid whimpy lame-o girls make fun of him???

and... well i think its relevant that when the girls were knocking the boys back down to size, brick got the worst of it. butch biting his tongue? i dont even know how that could be considered emasculating or humiliating in any way, thats just painful. boomer having his makeup done? yeah a young boy in his "girls are gross" phase would definitely find that humiliating but hed get over it. brick getting his trousers and underwear pulled down and having people laugh at him? bro id kill myself. HES FIVE. THATLL BE A FORMATIVE MEMORY. HES GONNA LIVE WITH THIS THE REST OF HIS LIFE! 😭

and outside of the show (which i recognise has much less (or even ZERO in multiversus' case) baring on canon, but considering most fanon seems to be based on more than human which is a literal fanfiction i think you can cut me some slack here) heres some that i think are good at showing off how i see his personality

he lashes out at boomer, showing how he can dish it out but not take it, because he is top dog (...puppy dog tail...) and he wont let anyone make a fool out of him

multiversus voice lines are harder to show off but some that i think are relevant are:

"(near tears) stupid powerless batman is gonna stupid powerless pay for that!" "names brick. im the brains here. and the brawn. ...and the looks 😏" "what can i say? ive just got a lot of anger in me with nowhere to go! its a gift!" every line he has where he idolises the joker since. well i dont think i have to explain the stereotypes associated with men who idolise the joker. especially since ppg98 implies that batman is a real person who exists in universe so the joker probably does too which would make brick the equivalent of an andrew tate fanboy who watches sigma male grindcore edits on tiktok

so, my take on brick isnt that hes stoic, or even that hes secretly hotheaded but keeps a lid on it for his image, its that hes LOUD and ANGRY and he wants nothing more than for people to think hes cool but he keeps failing and hes MAD ABOUT IT. he needs to be better than those sissies but hes not, so he feels small and pathetic and he takes it out on others like schoolyard bullies are wont to do. theres something there about how hes the most upset when mojo yells at them while the other two dont gaf but i dont have anything concrete there yet, other than he probably gets the brunt of HIMs verbal abuse since hes the leader/the "oldest" and thatd fuck up a little boy, even if that little boy was a little freak of nature who likes to beat people up for fun

now, onto the actual point of this, his relationship with blossom. i mentioned before how the boys were made literally to kill the girls, and that would definitely mess all of them up. thats the only reason theyre here! they have no greater purpose! how are they supposed to deal with that? while boomer already shows signs of going straight (not liking his brothers all that much and having to be reminded to break the law) and butch just seems happy to be here, brick is already pretty insecure in himself on a good day and thatll be made 100% worse when he really starts to think on "im not actually a person, im just a weapon", and who is he gonna blame for it? the girl he was created to kill, obviously. it was all her fault. he spends every waking minute thinking of how much he hates her, how much he cant wait to watch the life drain from her eyes, other creepy shit that he doesnt vocalise bc itd mean admitting hes not unflappable (everyone knows hes pretty goddamn flappable but he still thinks hes cool and in control). then he gets a bit older, and he grows out of that little boy "EW girls are GROSS!!!" phase, and things get. weird

he still hates her, because hes always hated her and he was made to hate her. he thinks the way he gets all sweaty and starts feeling sick whenever he sees her is because he hates her sooooooo much that he feels physically ill. when boomer stops fucking with the rowdyruff lifestyle and starts hanging out with bubbles, brick thinks the only reason hes mad about it is because his brother betrayed them, but butch doesnt care that much either. when blossom starts dating, brick assumes the reason he tastes blood in his throat and hes struggling to breathe is because he hates her so much that he doesnt want her to be happy, thats the only reason, obviously. he would never admit otherwise, not even after he finds out boomer might have the smallest itty bittiest crush on bubbles and brick realises FUCK he likes blossom. he likes her but he hates her, hes disgusted with himself even more than he ever was with her because what is WRONG with him? she literally killed him! she sent him to hell, and he was there for months until HIM saved them under the condition they get revenge on the girls. but shes pretty and smart and cool and shes the only loser around here who can hold her own against him in a fight. he sits alone in his room and he stares at an Officially Licensed Blossom Action Figure (doll) he stole, hoping shed be there to stop him but she had bigger threats to worry about. he cuddles it to sleep and he hates it because it doesnt smell as good as the real thing. he wants to snap its head off, melt it down with his eye lasers. he does not.

meanwhile, if blossom knows that brick has a thing for her, she doesnt care. why would she? some random street criminal she had a rivalry with when they were in kindergarten? she has to fight monsters while studying for her gcses and trying to maintain some semblance of a social life. shes busy! she doesnt give brick the time of day, even if he were to enrol in the same school (yknow... to keep his enemies close and all that) shed only pay attention to him if he were doing something dangerous, and without his brothers backing him up (they would not) he wouldnt stand a chance against the girls, because they have been training and studying and strategising and he has not, hes the same hes always been. pure brute strength can only get you so far

blossom looks down on brick, even more than she looks down on most people (shes the smart one, shes the pretty one, shes the perfect one, she knows shes hot shit and wont let you forget it) and it kills brick inside. he wants to kill her, but a part of him knows he wont get to see her anymore, so he just sulks and waits for her to tell him that shes always loved him, theyre destined for each other, he was made for her! and then he realises what hes thinking and he throws up out the window of mojos observatory. he thinks about throwing a dart at the photo of her he hung up on his Officially Licensed Powerpuff Novelty Dart Board. its still in pristine condition. he does not.

as far as blossom is concerned, brick is no different than the gangreen gang, or fuzzy lumpkins, or the amoeba boys on a bad day. hes easy to defeat because the second she grabs hold of his shirt his throat closes up and he cant breathe because shes touching him, and then butch or mojo are dragging him out of the remains of the prison walls and brick insists she just got lucky. again.

so for me, blossick isnt one of those "i want them to get together and go on cute little dates and kiss and cuddle and live happily ever after :)" ships. its about the drama and seeing a fucked up little boyman become worse. and above all its about being FUNNY

a lot would have to change for blossick to actually happen. like, brick would have to go through some sort of multi year long self improvement journey. probably a loooooooong way away from townsville. because otherwise... blossom wouldnt want anything to do with him. even for a casual fling as adults, shed be pretty and famous, she could have any guy or gal she wanted, and lbr brick probably isnt actually the looks. if brick asked her out shed laugh at him, like shed lean back and point and laugh, and brick would for real kill himself, and then HIM would revive him again and itd be this whole thing...

its way more likely that brick would pine after her forever and ever and shed get married to some other superhero who wasnt born in a prison toilet while brick ends up alone. or maybe he ends up with berserk, which would be a way worse fate for him than ending up alone but it might be funnier so who knows. for now all hes got is his creepy blossom shrine which he better hope to GOD no one finds

[phightingconfessions]

ik this isnt a confession but i had sooo much more to say about magical girls but i knew that ask wouldve been a mile long if i said Anything (they've been my special interest like all of my life..)

but pls pls im a huge nerd abt magical girls id love to hear abt ur ocs 🥺🥺🥺🥺

-🕷️

I LOVE MAGICAL GIRLS!!!!!! its a very passive interest for me but oughh i love magical girls so much as a concept... theyre so silly ive been meaning to watch more mg animes....... sailor moon and madoka magica i will always love u

IF I WENT ON ABT MY OCS THIS POST WOULD BE A MILE LONGoh my god i can put stuff under the cut EVERYONE IGNORE THE CUT IF YOU DGAF ABOUT MAGICAL GIRLS

the general concept for the world is What If Magical Girls Worked For The Government bc i feel like that is such an interesting concept.. like magical girls being public knowledge...... i wanna clean up some of the world lore first everythings been a very heavy wip but the plan is for it to be a public community kinda thing... almost like how scp is a community made project.... people can make their own mgs and play with them like touys....

i wanna flesh out the floaty guys and the worms more bc theyre the weakest point of this whole oc-verse but i havent had the brainpower to do so yet.... this world is almost 2 years old in december actually i forgot how long its been since i worked on this

to elaborate on the "by force" bit, one of my ocs (harvey kendall) literally woke up one day to attend classes and saw a mg charm on his desk and was like "ooohhh my god i just wanna finish out my major. why me of all people." bro thought being a magical girl was for one day!! he mad!!!!

heres some of the general most common groups and random lore bits for them, blood moon corp is still being thought over in my head bc i need to figure out more logistics for them

all of the groups are really neutral, the government will kill magical girls who arent actively working for them but still treat their employed magical girls with decent levels of respect and very good living situations, ssu is working towards a very good goal but theyre a bit too strict on how their magical girls can behave and have almost a puritan quality to them (most mgs that work for them arent THAT uppity, its most the senior mgs), rift is generally seen as the best option for rogues but they dont pay anything so its really a matter of if youre comfortable HAVING to work a day job and dropping it at a moments notice to go help out, blood moon corp is mostly normal outside of the using its dead members magic to resurrect an old mg (theyre also vaguely unwelcoming, most of them dont really like interacting with each other), rogue uncontracted offers genuinely no sort of support so its seen as the riskiest but you also dont have to adhere to any sort of rules or goals and can do whatever you want

and heres all of the current ocs :) (basil is mod rocket ive looped it into this universe by force)

soo!!! thats it!!!!!!! sorry for the lore dump i am so normal about my ocs im so normal im so [paces in a circle]

[tenderlove]

PLOTTING  CALL    ♡    i’m  in  desperate  need  of  more  plots,  so  under  the  read  more  you’ll  find  some  ideas  that  i  had.  feel  free  to  go  through  my  muses  and  ask  for  those  you  liked  specifically.  i’m  open  to  all  kinds  of  pairings  and  most  plots!  i’m  looking  for  plots  that  i  can  develop  on  the  long  run  that  will  hopefully  turn  my  muses  into  singleship,  so  keep  that  in  mind  please!     like  this  and  i’ll  go  to  you !

(   ♡   )  “ right  person,  wrong  time. ”  they’ve  tried  to  be  together  during  different  times  of  their  lives  and  i  would  love  to  develop  this!  childhood  bestfriends,  first  crushes,  first  love,  relationships...  for  some  reason,  it  never  seems  to  work  out.  now,  they  meet  again  in  their  late  20s  and  are  still  willing  to  try.    (  i  would  love  to  use  my  muse  nari  for  this  )

(   ♡   )  muses  could  be  best  friends  or  in  a  relationship  when  something  happens  that  completely  breaks  one  of  them.  they  change  into  a  completely  different  person  and  finds  itself  alone,  struggling  with  their  own  emotions  and  demons.  amidst  this  all,  the  other  muse  is  still  there,  trying  to  helo.  this  has  room  for  a  lot  of  angst!    (  i  would  love  to  use  my  muse  taemin  for  this  )

(   ♡   )  something  where  one  muse  knows  their  significant  other  isn’t  worth  of  her  love  and  affection,  but  how  she  still  wants  to  give  it  to  them.  just  pure  angst  and  a  little  disfunctional  with  lots  of  room  for  painful  development  :)

(   ♡   )   something  surrounding  a  couple  of  musicians!  it  could  from  rival  gangs,  that  were  in  the  same  band  but  distanced  themselves,  a  rock  musician  with  a  classical  player...  any  troupe  would  work!  maybe  they’ve  been  together  and  shared  big  dreams  surrounding  music,  but  only  one  of  them  succeeded  in  it,  or  the  paths  they  took  were  too  different  and  that  drifted  them  apart!

(   ♡   )   both  muses  never  really  thought  about  love  until  it  hit  them  like  a  truck.  after  one  hook  up  they’re  completely  drawn  to  each  other  and  it’s  intense  and  consuming.  the  thing  is,  a  world  stand  between  them.  both  are  not  ready  for  love,  they  barely  know  each  other  and  it’s  just  complicated!    (  i  would  love  to  use  my  muse  songyi  for  this  )

(   ♡   )   best  friends  to  lovers!  each  other’s  first  love!  to  add  a  twist,  they’re  best  friends  that  never  kissed  or  had  sex  so  they  decided  to  be  each  other’s  first  time  to  get  it  out  of  the  way,  but  they  end  up  liking  it  too  much.  now,  they  stuff  their  faces  with  alcohol  at  parties  for  an  excuse  to  get  together  cause  they’re  unaware  of  the  other’s  feelings  and  don’t  wanna  ruin  things.  bonus  if  they’re  only  pretending  to  be  drunk.

(   ♡   )   unrequired  love!  muse  a  is  actually  the  crush  of  muse  b’s  friend,  and  muse  b  is  only  aware  of  it  later.  now  he  have  to  endure  group  moments  where  they  know  nothing  will  ever  happen  because  of  their  friend.  either  way,  muse  b  is  more  in  love  as  the  time  passes.  thrown  at  each  other  by  chance  in  multiple  occasions  until  muse  a  starts  to  feel  the  same!    ( my  muse  yoonji  would  be  very  interesting  for  this )

(   ♡   )   can someone pls give me a plot w a super prissy city upper class girl who’s on vacation in a beach town somewhere and ugh it’s just the worst for her bc what the heck is that sand in my .. oh god, yes it is..i hate sand. and then hey here’s this beach bum kind of boy, who’s spend his life on the beach. basically could surf before he could walk and ay babe, ’s just a bit of sand u gotta relax and there’s so much more i could write to go into this, i have a whole idea but i’m going to stop before this gets way too long but yes pls give me something like this    ( i  would  love  to  use  my  muse  aejeong  for  this )

(   ♡   )   LONG  DISTANCE  RELATIONSHIP!  they  could’ve  met  online,  be  pen  pals,  friends  that  moved  away  from  each  other,  anything  would  work!  we  can  write  them  during  different  stages  of  life  dealing  with  the  challanges  of  dating  someone  that  lives  far  away!  the  initial  thrill,  the  fear,  insecuries,  doing  everything  to  see  them,  not  putting  much  effort  anymore,  getting  too  busy...

(   ♡   )   amnesia  plot!  c’mon,  this  is  a  classic.  they  could’ve  been  in  a  long  relationship  or  a  new  one.  either  way,  one  of  them  loses  their  memory  and  they  just  have  to  deal  with  it!

(   ♡   )   best  friends  that  are  just  painfully  unaware  of  their  love  for  each  other.  ithe  friendship  started  many  years  ago  and  they  went  through  a  lot  but  none  of  them  was  willing  to  recognize  the  feelings  they  had  for  each  other  until  it’s  too  much  to  deny!    ( i  wanna  use  yura  for  this! )

[yuukei-yikes]

any thoughts on remind blue?

currently, it is my favorite kagepro song (this changes like every week but i digress...) and i really want to make a pv for it but i lowkey have no idea where to start

your analysis/ramblings on things is really interesting to read and see, so also just wanted to let you know that i love all the content you post!! :D

I LOV remind blue. like every kagepro song makes me want to rip my face off ♥️♥️♥️ but this one is one of those that make me feel so strongly that i cant listen to it ♥️♥️♥️ cuz i do that btw. i cannot listen to kagepro songs without preparing myself emotionally and it has to be when i am alone in my room. i could never listen to them in public. that'd be weird. im drawing and suddenly a kagepro song comes on in my playlist and im like this is so fucked up who put this here (<- i did)

songs like summertime record, lost day hour, remind blue and ayanos theory of happiness specifically i basically never listen to because it causes something in me both mentally and physically. im normal though.

TOTALLY support the idea to make a pv!!! i wouldn't know how to start either tbh💔 who would u make it be sung by?? like the song is so good but for the lyrics im like meh like str is already a thing. idk it sorta has the same vibe. its like summertime record and lost day hour's lyrics had a little baby together. which is why i always liked to interpret it as a haruka song but fuck it ig its shintaro's.

i also liked the idea of it being seto's or hibiya's. i think they'd deserve a song like this, especially hibiya!! tho for hibiya the whole "adult" thing is different LOL and even seto, he's just 17... ive always loved haruka being the punchbag for the "im an adult wtf" feeling because he goes from living his whole life thinking he will die and then he doesn't. or well he DOES die but then comes back, and suddenly he finds himself with his whole life ahead. like haruka and his early 20s crisis abt i did NOT think id be alive this long and now i gotta deal with everything those feelings bring me but at the same time i have to pay rent and worry abt what to make for dinner soooo erm fine ig. that's also what i think lost day hour is about, i know jin describes it more like a song abt old friends but girl idk it rly only has a couple lines abt that as opposed to all the rest of the song... erm. what was i talking about again.

i just think it was rly funny how we were all like ok remind blue uses "boku" so it's seto kano hibiya or haruka (or konoha). and then jin was like hehe. shintaro♥️ SHINTARO DOESNT EVEN USE BOKU whatever im pretty sure he also said it can fit anyone and its more a general mekakushi dan song. but tbh so is summertime record sooooo. sorry im sidetracking a lot

i dont particularly care for remind blue so much (LIKE THE SONG SLAPS im still talking about lyrics) bc it's very heavy on the shit abt like growing distant and stuff sortof??? like kagepros ending/str is implied to have the mekadan not grow apart but kinda do their own thing while still meeting to hang out, bc kagepro is also about growing up and with growing up comes maybe growing distant from these friends you love, but they will always be important and one of a kind in ur life and when u meet its like time hasnt rly passed between you. not to mention the whole thing about combining eyes and how all the snakes will always end up gathering by the queen no matter what, meaning the dan will always be bound to make their ways back to each other no matter what, and are connected to one another by the literal narrative that theyre all actually sort of aware of a little bit (they always refer to their tragedy as a "story"..kagepro is a little meta lol). and like that's all so beautiful but also fuck it. they all meet for pizza nights every week. erm. the passage of time am i right

ALSO TY FOR READING MY POSTS:///3 I LOVE KAGEROU PROJECT A NORMAL AMOUNT AND IM A NORMAL PERSON

[leverage-ot3]

notable moments from The Three Days of The Hunter Job

leverage 2.05

hunt for the truth = fox news

you can’t change my mind, sorry

- - - - -

Nate: Here's what we can do. We can probably get you enough money to save the house and pay for medical bills--

Sarah: We aren't interested in money, Mr. Ford. This woman took my father's self-esteem. She took his reputation. She took his good name. That's what he needs back.

someone needs to make a compilation of their clients being noble as hell

- - - - -

Sophie: I wanna take the lead on this one. I wanna do what you do.

Nate: Yeah, listen, I know breakups can be very difficult, Sophie.

Sophie: Whoa. No, that's not what this is about.

Nate: I know that you have this need to be in control right now, you know.

Sophie: I don't have any such need.

Nate: But you can't project that onto the con.

Sophie: Excuse me? This, coming from the man who spent an entire year drunk, working out his obsessive vengeance on every dimwit in a suit who happened to cross our line of vision.

Nate: Hey, you put some thought into that one, didn't you?

Sophie: You know, I'm not tryin' to control the universe just because some guy dumped me. I-I appreciate the concern. I just, I need a new challenge.

Nate: Okay. (hands Sophie the files) This is your job.

Sophie: Thanks. Now, let's go get this bitch. (walks away)

Nate: Oh, boy

fucking get rekt nate you’re the literal last one to talk

- - - - -

huh nate is wearing flannel in this one

- - - - -

Sophie: Exactly. And then to protect themselves, they issue an apology to Mr. Pennington and then they throw Monica Hunter into the jaws of the very media machine that she bent to her own malicious will.

Parker: Wow. I gotta say, Sophie's briefings are much more dramatic.

Eliot: And poetic.

parker and eliot are cute

- - - - -

Sophie: But we can sell a story that commands respect. A story that she's gonna chase to get the respect she craves. Hm? Pack your bags, everyone. We're going to D.C. to make news.

(everyone continues sitting, looking uncomfortable)

Nate: That's when you wanna...

Sophie: I wanna do that bit again. Pack your bags, everyone. We're going to D.C. to make news. (leaves room)

Nate: She's walking into the closet

SOPHIE ITS OKAY YOU DONT NEED TO GO IN THE CLOSET

- - - - -

Parker: I got the pass. Easy.

Sophie: Parker, we went over this.

[Exterior Studio]

Sophie: You're not supposed to take it. Get caught with it.

Parker: I don't know how to get caught.

Sophie: Yeah, I know it's difficult to steal badly. Just, just try

- - - - -

Monica (grabs Parker): Hey. Hey. I will have you arrested for trespassing if you do not tell me what you are doing here.

Parker: Technically, you can't have me arrested for trespassing because you don't own the station.

Sophie: Parker, tell her the story

parker: TRY ME BITCH

- - - - -

hardison doing crazy tinfoil hat guy is iconic

+ parker and hardison’s high five and “that’s what I’m talkin about!” ADORABLE

- - - - -

Parker: Eliot, these conspiracies aren't real, right?

Eliot: What do you mean?

Parker: Like that one over there that says all the major wars of the past 50 years were ordered by members of The Council.

Eliot: Parker, I'm not at liberty to discuss that with you. (walks away)

Parker: You're not a member of The Council, are you? Eliot? Is he?

Nate: Oh, I don't know. (walks away)

Parker: Huh? Uh, Nate, is he?

parker looked so vulnerable asking it and eliot’s just like,,, imma fuck with her LMFAO

also this is another chaotic ot3 scene that I’d die for

- - - - -

eliot taking the general’s id with his pencil and handing it off to hardison? SMOOTH AS FUCK

- - - - -

Parker: But what if he won't talk to us?

Monica: Then we celebrate.

Parker: Celebrate?

Monica: Denial means guilt. Refusal means more guilt. Punch out my cameraman, and I'll kiss you on the mouth.

Camera Man: Mm-hm.

parker: 👀👀👀

- - - - -

parker gets hit with a car ,,, how many times in this series does she get hit with a car ??

- - - - -

monica’s face when she sees parker get hit by a car is LITERALLY the exact same as the surprised pikachu face

+

bruh imagine you see this happening ,,, like a girl get hit by a car, a suit running out, grabbing stuff of her body, then running away ???

her playing dead on the ground for a hot minute before “waking up”, dusting herself off and walking away ???

- - - - -

Hardison: Move. Don't stop. Come on.

Monica: They ran her over.

Hardison: I know, but we gotta go. Security cameras, the ATM cameras, the traffic cameras. We're always being watched. Just put your head down. Act natural.

Monica: Why are you dressed like a mailman?

Hardison: Invisible man, mailman, nobody notices the mailman. He blends right in. Just like a circus clown.

- - - - -

Parker: We totally went to the moon.

Eliot: Movie sets. I've seen 'em. They're outside of Albuquerque.

Parker: Why would there still be sets there?

Eliot: Because they're gonna reuse 'em for the Mars mission. Repaint it all red.

her bumping shoulders with eliot and leaning on him? the casual intimacy that nourishes my S O U L

- - - - -

Sophie: She has to have corroboration from her own sources. She has to craft the narrative. Monica Hunter has to be the author of her own personal nightmare.

Nate: Do I sound that creepy when I...?

Eliot: Hell yes.

Parker: Mm-hm.

Nate: Really?

Eliot: You do

- - - - -

Sophie: The only question is whether Hardison guessed her sources right.

Hardison: G-guess? Guess?

Sophie: Well, you know.

Hardison: Woman, my name Alec Hardison. I do not guess, OK? Look, journalists, they're lazy. They always go back to the same sources. I compared Monica Hunter's stories for the last ten years and created a heuristic model based on her sources. I-I filtered by story type, priority and evidentiary chain. Look, (pulls up info on laptop) sex scandal: 87 percent chance she goes to these sources. Serial killer scare: 90 percent she contacts these sources for confirmation. Government secrets and health scare intersects: Ninety-five percent chance she goes to these sources. Look, look. Right there. She's emailing them right now. Look.

- - - - -

Hardison: Get me out of here.

Sophie: Yeah, I'm working on it.

Parker (comes out of back room pulling on jacket): I'm on it.

Sophie: No, no, no, no, no, you cannot go. You're dead. Monica Hunter sees you and the whole con is blown.

Parker: Right

PARKER WAS R E A D Y TO GO IN AFTER HIM WE LOVE A PROTECTIVE OT3

- - - - -

Hardison: Damn the con. I'm a black man caught on an Army base with a video camera. I am going to jail forever.

the realest part of the show

- - - - -

Hardison: Eliot, get me everything you can on a Lieutenant Abbot.

[Apartment]

Hardison: Just-just do what I taught you.

Eliot (typing on laptop): Now, the "http" thing comes before—

[Interrogation Room 2]

Eliot: --the "www-dot," right?

Hardison: Eliot!

[Apartment]

Eliot: Which one's the forward slash?

Sophie: Oh, come on.

[Interrogation Room 2]

Hardison: It ain't the time, Eliot. It ain't the time.

[Apartment]

Eliot: It's not fun when you're hanging out there in the wind and there's a dude behind a laptop cracking jokes, is there?

Parker: (holding a gas mask over her face before looking over it) I like it when we switch jobs. It's exciting

someone PLEASE make an eliot-being-bad-at-technology compilation I’m begging

also it’s officially canon that hardison tries teaching eliot about technology

- - - - -

Eliot: No, that's everything on this guy.

Lieutenant: Sir, I need to know why you're on this base.

Hardison: Yes. Why am I on this base?

Lieutenant: I'm asking you.

Hardison: No, I'm asking you. Why am I on this base? Why am I in this room?

Lieutenant: So I can ask you questions.

Hardison: Or maybe it's so I can ask you questions, Lieutenant Kyle Abbot, Social Security 823-24-6270?

Lieutenant: I don't know what you're up to.

Hardison: Maybe you’re not cleared to know. Two disciplinary actions? That one in Germany? Maybe you're just too much of a security risk.

(lieutenant goes to leave and Hardison slams his fist on the table)

Hardison: Did I say you could leave?

(lieutenant swallows nervously)

T H I S

S C E N E

T H O

- - - - -

[Army Base Gate]

Nate: Not gonna work.

Eliot: It's all in the salute, man.

[Apartment]

Sophie: Just work the stars and bars. Nobody wants to--

[Army Base Gate]

(a soldier moves to the side of the car and leans in, saluting Nate)

Sophie: --look a general in the eye.

Nate: Uh, good form soldier. As you were.

Soldier: Clear.

(the gate goes up and Nate pulls into the base, parking near a building. He gets out of the car and walks toward the door)

- - - - -

Nate: We hunt for the truth through many dark places. (approaches Monica menacingly) I am a patriot, Ms. Hunter. I'm sorry. (to Eliot) Earl.

(Monica takes a can of pepper spray from her purse and sprays it in Nate’s face, driving him back. She runs out the door as he groans in pain. Eliot goes to pat his back)

Eliot: Good thing Parker switched that with water.

Nate: Didn't! Didn't switch. (they both start coughing)

LMFAO

- - - - -

Monica: My friends, this is the enemy. Our water has been poisoned.

(an aide spits out a mouthful of water)

JFNSKDKEJWJNFJ

- - - - -

(Eliot is cutting vegetables while Nate opens a bottle of wine and Hardison swirls orange soda in a wine glass)

hardison is literally swirling his neon orange soda in a wine glass as eliot cooks actual food for the fam I CANNOT

- - - - -

Parker (holds up photo): Loch Ness Monster.

Hardison: Loch Ness submarine.

Parker: No!

Eliot: Scottish waters are cold and deep. It's a perfect place to test.

Parker (holds up photo): Area 51.

Eliot: True.

Hardison: False.

Eliot: That's true.

Hardison: False. She said Area 51, 51.

Eliot: I'm sorry. False. Area 52.

Hardison: Been there.

Eliot: Yep

I’m crying the ot3 was top tier chaotic this entire episode and parker was having A Time™ with all these conspiracies

someone make a compilation of these scenes overlayed with the wii music. pls.

[adhd-wifi]

MDZS Modern AU Fic Tips (Living in China)

So I asked a while back if anyone was interested in some fic tips for writing Chinese modern AUs, and y’all seemed enthusiastic. But…when I tried putting it all in a single post it got…really…really long…

So I split them into a bunch of posts (Yes I copy-pasted this intro on all of them because I’m lazy)! Here are the links:

Names & Stuff

Modern Chinese Cultural Stuff

Superstitions & Beliefs

Festivals 

Living in China (You are here)

Anyways, these are based off my experiences living in Singapore and China, and I hope these posts are helpful. On to it.

Living in China

Disclaimer: I mostly lived in Singapore during my existence, and thus I can’t give you extremely detailed info of what it’s like exactly, but I do visit my Chinese relatives fairly frequently, so these are general tips. Also, please keep in mind that the info here is biased towards life in Dalian & Harbin. I’ve been to Beijing but only twice so I don’t remember a lot. 

The currency in China is RMB, or “yuan”. 100 RMB is about $14 USD, and not considered a lot of money

Side Note: The above tip is also another reason why you shouldn’t ever write A-Yuan’s name as just “Yuan”. It makes him look like the local currency djsasldkj

Coin values are (with comparison to US currency): 

1 yuan (like a dollar) 

5 jiao (Half-yuan - 50 cents)

1 jiao (1/10 yuan - 10 cents)

5 fen (0.05 yuan - 5 cents)

1 fen (0.01 -  basically a penny)

Also related to money, in more urban areas, people don’t really carry cash or even cards around anymore. Practically everything is paid electronically, through WeChat Pay and other cash/bank apps, typically using QR codes on phones. You’ll have a hard time as a foreigner if you don’t have any of those apps in these areas (AKA me when I forget to re-download them before heading to China)

The exceptions to this would be places where tourists and foreigners are very frequent, such as hotels, airports, tourist buildings, universities (though my cousin’s old uni recently went full electronic payment I think???) etc, and more rural areas

Some Chinese social media and stuff:

BaiDu 百度 - Basically Chinese Google. We also use it the way we use “google” as a verb, saying 百度一下 (bǎi dù yī xià) - “Let me BaiDu it”

WeChat - Very similar to Whatsapp in general, also used for money purposes with WeChat Pay

QQ Mail - The most frequently used email platform in China. QQ Mail also has an Instant Messenger last time I checked. Also, I think QQ still uses number-based IDs, so the address would look something like: (12345678@qq.com). Hotmail is fairly common in China too, particularly with those who need have to send international emails

YouKu 优酷 - The most popular video hosting site (most similar to YouTube out of the many video sites)

bilibili 哔哩哔哩 (yes, small caps) - Another video site well-known for animations, games, and comics especially

TaoBao 淘宝 - Cosplayers would probably know this. Something like a Chinese Amazon or Lazada.

WeiBo 微博 - Main Chinese social media platform. Feels like a FaceBook + Twitter fusion

LOFTER - Feels like a Chinese Tumblr

Even in urban areas, it’s easy to find entire streets of literally nothing but restaurants by the main roads (+ maybe a stationary shop, salon, or something in a corner, and you can often drive right up to the front door and park right there (in more populated areas and/or near malls/attractions, there will likely be extra open parking space nearby such restaurant streets)

Some larger restaurants, especially those with seafood specialties, don’t have actual booklet menus. Instead they have a wide selection of fresh ingredients (wrapped up safely in layers saran wrap) such as vegetables, cuts of meat, and tanks of living fish/shellfish/crustaceans near the entrance. They tend to have a list of dishes you can order by the corresponding ingredients, or a server nearby to tell you and take your orders. Apparently this is more common in the North.

You don’t tip in restaurants in China. You COULD slip a particular server or two some cash if you wanted to, but as an overall system tipping does not exist and also it’s not “one server one table”. It’s “whoever’s available to serve you IN THAT MOMENT will serve you” so you’ll likely see at least three different servers throughout your meal. Please. Stop with the “Hi I’ll be your server today” in China-set fics. It’s SOOOOO WEIRD.

I’ve never studied in China, but I checked this guide with my Chinese cousin and it’s pretty accurate about the educational system there

Speaking of schools, you wear uniforms up to Upper Secondary (some to Post-Secondary). As typical gender-conformity strikes again, girls will wear skirts and boys will wear pants. The exception is during the colder months, in which everyone will basically just wear full body tracksuits (school-issued) to school and it’s their uniform for the whole day. This is particularly common in schools with low or no heating systems, especially in more rural areas

Drivers sit on the left side of their vehicle in China. Typically, any foreign cars (such as from Hong Kong - which would have the driver on the right) will need a mainland license plate. (This might be changing in recent times though.) 

I don’t know much about the healthcare systems in China anymore, I was hospitalized once at 3 or 4 and don’t remember much, but in general basic healthcare from public hospitals is low-cost to free (depending on the region) for Chinese citizens with their basic insurance plans (individual and employee provided). You get charged (more) for hospitalization and more serious treatments like surgeries, physical/mental therapy, vaccinations (this is a pro-vax blog btw, just saying), and maybe dental. Most of these can be covered by insurance too though. If you go to a private hospital, it’s considerably more expensive of course. 

Okay that’s all the info I can think of to be potentially useful in fics lol. 

[strawberryspeachy]

So on the last day of july i went clubbing

Almost immediately met a cute boy and he asked me to go to a hotel with him. I debated but ultimately went with him. He asked if i wanted to go on a date because fucking japanese assholes equate date with hotel.

Went. Hooked up. Then. He said he wanted to go back to the club because otherwise “it would be a waste of his night”

Yeah

So... went back.... watched him look for another girl. And felt like shit

Eventually a boy that was ok looking talked to me. I didnt ignore him and he got excited over me talking to him after having ignored other boys. I didnt intend to continue talking to him but he was so excited the entire time and was nice so i just stayed with him.

We left together and sat on some sidewalk and talked. I saw that both his arms had cut marks all over them

And as a fucked up person... i stupidly think that other fucked up people will be as empathetic as i try to be and my depressed friends back home

He told me some of his shitty homelife - apparently he doesnt have parents

He asked me to go to a hotel with him and i said no... so we went to eat instead...

He kept being overly nice (in words) told me that he works at an old folks home and that he wants to learn english and come to america and help me take care of my mom.... in a sudden way

Rationally im not stupid and know that was a line. But im pretty stupid in general

He kept asking me to be his gf and i told him id need to go on a date with him to decide that

I just wanted to say no but...

He didnt pay for my meal - ya im one of those girls that that bothers

We seperated and he continued to text my the next few days. We set up a date. He asked me to go to him in yokohama - an hour away from tokyo

Since id never been there i said yes. But this meant i had to pay an expensive train ticket

He did pay for dinner and afterwards convience store for me... mostly... asking if i had change

He wanted to drink at the pier and insisted i get a drink but didnt pay for it

And then took me back to his apartment

It ended up being fun

The next morning while he was showering i was just poking around at his stuff. Not actually looking for anything just curious about the things he has

I looked at his wallet (honestly to see the design but i also always wonder why japanese guys are so comfortable leaving money around who is generally a stranger)

And then. I found. Picture from a photobooth. Him amd soem girl. It was dated from a week before.

He told me the night we met that he broke up with his ex a year ago. But this picture looked very much like a couple

I asked him about it and he just said sorry and threw it in the trash (not a real trash. It could easily be taken out) he said it was from a year ago

After. Bit i took it out amd pointed at the date. He literally hummed and refused to comment ...but he told me hell only see me...

I shouldn’t take that as enough but i did and told him when i got home that ill only se him too. I told him i liked him - and to this point he kept saying he likes me over and over. He has not said it since this. Just said he was happy that i used his name.

After that i went to okinawa for a few days. He told me his sim card broke and he doesnt have wifi unless he goes to a convience store (as an excuse to text slow)

I got back the next week and stayed home all week from a yeast infection that i think he gave me. When he barely responded i told him that

Then he responded continuously telling me that i just got it on my own and hes healthy so it wasnt him

That weekend i went drinking with some friends and messaged him. He responded immediately and i called him. Asking when his phone got fixed. He told me the day before

Then he told me he has pink eye and sent a picture. He said he cant go out of his house because of it

The next week was my birthday. He said hed be cured the day after and we could celebrate. Then he cancelled saying the doc told him hes still contagious

A few days after he sent me a picture of him with makeup on and contacts in saying he went to the salan. I responded immediately asking if he was still contagious and tried to call. He ignored me

I tried to call more throughout the day

Nothing

Over 24 hours pased so i used another account to say hi to him. After 2 hours he responded to the fake account asking who it was

And i flipped the fuck out. I told him a bunch of reasons why he sucked and that he did and fuck him

Then he responded to me with long messages. Many of which i couldnt understand (hes used incorrect kanji before that which makes translation strained)

His excuse was that he felt sick and slept for 20 hours (but he ignored me for over 27)and that he wanted to answer his texts in order. That he doesnt look at him phone much and then got mad at me for not being worried about him and instead getting mad

He didnt addresss any of my complaints like the fact that if im his gf i should be a priority

But because im a sucked i felt bad for trying to hurt him and apologized.... he said hed forgive me if i buy him an accessory next time we hung out...

Yeah. Red flags. I too if i had other options... would have said. Thats a weird way to accept an apology.

Also before (on that first date) when we talked about our bdays cause his was a bit before mine. I asked him what hed wanna do as a late celebration. He immediately told me he wanted yakiniku (an expensive meat meal) and clothes or accessorys from an expensive brand he likes...

So he continued to take over 24 hours to reply to me. With very small responces - he never asks me questions. I asked him to call the night before i went camping and he said he couldnt because he was too drunk from drinking with friends. I went camping and came back and got him on the phone. I demanded him to call and he said he couldnt cause he was tired from work and would the following day

I told him it makes me upset that he doesnt talk to me and that i constantly dont feel good because of him. He just said sorrry. I planned to say this is over if he didnt agree to meet me. But he agreed to a date the coming sunday... the day before i began work again. He said hed come to tokyo and and had a plan. It sounded fun.

Well come sunday morning.... he cancelled. He said he didnt have money. I tried to call him several times and he ignored me.

I confronted him in person. He got mad at me for it. Said he got some sort debt collection and got frauded... someone used his name to take out money and he has to pay court. He said he doesnt have money because of it.

I asked why he never tells me whats going on with him (because im dumb and beleive this... actually i dont. I hope hes being honestly and just has really bad luck but)

This time like last time i told him the way he treats me is how really awful boys who are using me and playing with me treat me. And i cant trust him if hes like this but doesnt tell me why

Well...i was there... i offered to pay for out date.... besides the 11 dollars it takes to get to him

He asked me to put 5 dollars on his train card.... it takes 3 dollads to get to and from where we went. He... mad sure no matter where we would eat it would cost 40 bucks - wanting to drink alc and such. It costed 43 dollars. He wanted starbucks but i kinda said no by saying i dont rlly like starbucks - but he still wanted to get a dessert - 3 dollars

And... he wanted me to buy him that aftermentioned accessory... a ring. He looked at very expensive ones... i... would not have paid for even as stupid as i am.. the one he got was 15 or 25 I forget which...

The thing is... if he wasnt actually... if i wasn’t comfortable being with him i woulda stopped this before... unfortunately. As usual. Despite initially not being attracted to him i really enjoyed his company and find him to be fun...

He said that we should go home at 8 i asked about going back to him place and he said no because hes tired and has work the next day. He knows i also do too. At the same time. And i tried to convince him and he kept saying no. Then i asked doesnt he wanna have sex. He said that we should go to a hotel. And i protested that hotels are expensive and his apartments free and just a cheap train station away. He said hes too tired and just wants to sleep at his apartment but hotels are exciting so hed be awake at a hotel.

He pushed them and i said at that point id be spending like 100 dollars on the day and he knows i also dont have a lot of money.

We awkwardly went to a manga cafe that was only 5 dollars but it wanted you to make a card that costs 5 more dollads. And then i got fussy because too much stress literally makes me lose control of my emotions.

It fucking sucks and i hate it. I have no fucking control over my emotions when my stress is bubbling (which it almost always is) and boils over.

I asked him if he can even pay just the 5 dollars and he said he has no money. I asked how hes gonna get to work with literally no money and he said his conpany pays for it (yea japanese conpanies pay AFTER you go )

We left. It was a bad mood. He didnt storm away from me even though i was basically crying in the street (i have had this happen with even friends. I start crying and they just walk away so even though it should be expected of someone claiming to be your bf... ya)

Anyhow i told him i just wanted to cuddle and talk and kiss

He looked annoyed but i guess he thought those wants were cute and looked for a isolated place

Because were in japan

Couldnt find one cause we were in a city and he again just started saying lets go home. That hes tired and not in the mood.

But we were in a quiet enough play.

And im bitching here but ill take a quick break to say i kept hugging him and stuff which he liked despite saying he was really embarrassed

He told me ealier ok that because of this debt thing hes gonna work two jobs

Which. Terrified me. The first guy I went on a date with in Japan asked me to be his gf and to move in with him and said he had to work two jobs for a month to afford to move so he wouldnt have time to see me. He told me his progress for two weeks and then ghosted me.

This boy told me hell make time to see me when i complained about not doing anything physical when i wouldnt see him again for who knows how long

Welp. Todays saturday and that was sunday. And while at first i thought he was trying because he replied to my messages in or at 24 hours for a few days. Its gone back to the 17 hours

And i asked him to talk on the phone

And he just said not tonight because after his current job hes working at home too

And because im dumb ive waisted my whole saturday waiting for him to reply and crying.

[trans-advice]

Hey, for the past 5 or so years I have privately identified as nonbinary or not conforming to any gender, and even recently requested that my boss and coworkers use they/them pronouns. About a month ago I stumbled across a "gender critical" blog and started reading it. I know it's a bad idea to engage with trolls, especially when it will impact your sense of self, but I felt restless that my existence was being debated and wanted to hear the other side. Now I am feeling confused (1 o 2 asks)

I’m feeling confused and gross, wondering if all this time I have been actually working against my own feminist beliefs, or if I’m just being naive and getting indoctrinated. Like,I worry about me being a female who simply didn’t subscribe to gender stereotypes, tricking myself into thinking I"wasn’t like the other girls". I have also been wondering about what it means to identify into an oppressed group, and why we can’t talk about it without being dismissed as a dumb TERF. (1 o 2 asks) Thx

— Eve: CW: long post, possibly rambley, could’ve used better editing, transphobia, “gender critical”, recuperation, discussion of “terf” politics, recuperation of liberation movements, politics, oppression, rape culture, anti-fascist, anti-capitalist,

So basically I have tried for almost 4 weeks to write a response detailing this stuff. however it’s gotten too unwieldy. i tried to condense it, but this was as close as i got. it’s practically like 3 drafts back to back. I couldn’t figure out the differences & when i saw similarities it seemed significantly different enough. so I’m not editing any further. here’s a mindvomit. i wish i had this more polished but I can’t do that & i didn’t get a response.

however I’m going to make a history book recommendation, a referral to gendercensus2020, and i need to emphasize that these are much more like personal beliefs & not generally the tone of this blog which aims to give advice & positivity, while this is inherently political, the good bad & ugly. and there are trans people of various persuasions so I don’t want alienate them. i dissecting some ideologies that are transphobic, how they became that, how they got recuperated, and how you can find the same concerns being addressed. I’m answering this because it totally makes sense to me that this is asked in good faith & I want to respect your concerns & show that there are better methods of liberation activism that are trans affirmative, or at least must become & develop into such.

So I’m going to recommend the book “Transgender History (Second Edition)” by Susan Stryker, which I have put on our blog’s google drive account, so hence a link. It goes into the historic common ground between the feminists & LGBT+ peoples. It also gets into historic movements. And on top of that, the first chapter is literally a list of terminology deconstructing gender, which is also helpful for analyzing topics feminism analyzes..

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1IvCwNvCJ_EiDmOer4zS8SbFGz4m-WDJ1

another thing you need to know regarding the label lesbian back in the day is that it was a catchall for any woman who didn’t have sex with men. now granted, this was a cisnormative understanding, but basically lesbians included celibate women, asexual women, and of course bisexual women in addition to gay women.

basically the normal advice of wait til you have your own money to have sex, wait til your mid 20s, don’t rely on a man to pay your bills etc, all of this comes from political lesbianism, which was like be celibate or else have sex that doesn’t involve sperm. (granted, communities cannot be monoliths if they want to be ecosystems, like any movement label there are different interpretations made by members of it, and therefore there are some strands that uphold a homonormative appreciation for conversion therapy. perhaps a middle ground for understanding how that happened is that joke about macho sexuality purity “if a man masturbates with his hand, he’s using a man’s hand to get off, then it’s gay.” granted, there was of course a political/economic reason to this, but still, it seems in terms of history that this joke was considered actually legitimate.)

“lesbian” was a catchall for women who didn’t have sex with men. this included ace, celibate & gynephiliac women. part of the reason these communities were conflated again had to do with the economic pressures to get married which I’ll detail a few paragraphs from now. (while this next thought could be incorrect because I did just learn about ‘compulsory heterosexuality" a month ago, I think the vestiges of those economic pressures are basically the gist of “comphet”.) the goal of political lesbian as well as lesbian separatism was to build an economy/get money that didn’t require submission to patriarchy, via marriage, pregnancy etc. so basically in an effort to build like support networks, “men” were shunned as much as possible.

however these networks ended up replicating capitalism, (partly due to oppression against communes & other anti-capitalist activities) which then replicated the oppressions of capitalism. it makes sense that transphobia had formed of assimilation/respectability politics for such feminists. To quote from the criticism section of the Wikipedia article on the women’s liberation movement.

> The philosophy practised by liberationists assumed a global sisterhood of support working to eliminate inequality without acknowledging that women were not united; other factors, such as age, class, ethnicity, and opportunity (or lack thereof) created spheres wherein women’s interests diverged, and some women felt underrepresented by the WLM.[208] While many women gained an awareness of how sexism permeated their lives, they did not become radicalized and were uninterested in overthrowing society. They made changes in their lives to address their individual needs and social arrangements, but were unwilling to take action on issues that might threaten their socio-economic status.[209] Liberationist theory also failed to recognize a fundamental difference in fighting oppression. Combating sexism had an internal component, whereby one could change the basic power structures within family units and personal spheres to eliminate the inequality. Class struggle and the fight against racism are solely external challenges, requiring public action to eradicate inequality.[210] >

birth control helped to liberate women & that accommodation/handicap for reproductive health disabilities (disability is merely inability to do something that’s Normative. so if having a uterus, pregnancy/menstruation/having breasts etc aren’t considered normal, which is especially common in a patriarchal society for these examples, then it’s disability.) It should be said that due to the desire for bodily autonomy to regulate our own body parts, as well as a desire to manage our fertility & sterilization, the transgender movement has a lot in common with feminism’s female-as-disability movement.)

it should also be noted that before the medical transitioning became accessible that us trans people relied a lot more on social transitioning than medical transitioning. it should also be mentioned that the medical procedures are available & used by cisgender people too.

that being said, since both cis females & transgender women were denied birth control etc, there was a very intense fear of impregnation happening & trans women going back in the closet not only to get money under patriarchy but also because life raising a kid is hard. like if you’ve ever seen “the stepford wives” & look at how the ally husband betrays his feminist wife, then that should clue us into how a lack of birth control scared us.

the problem with the school of feminism that emphasizes physiological sex over gender identity (in order to deny the existence of trans people with female-organs or not) is that it doesn’t account for birth control & how that’s affected the landscape, the economy etc, the revolutionary impact of birth control basically. it also ignores that trans people & cis women feminists have the same goals when it comes to getting freedoms about reproductive rights & bodily autonomy. therefore it ends up being transphobic & wanting to run back into the times when we didn’t have abortion access because they want to hurt us.

That being said though, we need to have birth control & more in order to help liberate trans people too, so if somewhere doesn’t have birth control, then we’re not doing well either because it’d pay a lot more to be transphobic (which of course it doesn’t now when we have birth control & various medical & other technologies). i think what I’m trying to say is that similar to disability accomodations clashing with each other, if we of the women’s liberation, the trans liberation, and the gay & lesbian liberation, and the bisexual & ace liberation get stranded then we’re all doomed. granted we might be doing that due to defensiveness with hostility similar to how in the 1980s feminism got very conservative in USA & how some transgender people get spared in systems with strict gender conformity & anticolonialist values, it’d be wrong to say that all our liberations are in conflict with each other. they can be mishandled, but ultimately, safety still tends to favor cisheteropatriarchal people. internalized patriarchal thinking is like internalized queerphobia, and so forth.

I want to emphasize that it is relatively easy for transgender people especially nonbinary people to find gender critical discourse somewhat appealing. Here’s why: TERFs & Gender Critical discourse is agender-normative disability discourse regarding reproductive health & other AFAB organs. (a disability is being unable to do things that society considers normative. so if you can’t drive & your locale de facto requires it, then that’s a disability. also in usa you’ll find that pregnancy & disability are the main things welfare programs prioritize. a pregnancy can be harmful, but can be easier with the right monitoring etc. which again is the same with disability.)

the problem though is that they then insist on misgendering you as one of the binary genders based on objectification of your body (specifically, “morphology”). point being, because you feel dysphoric over being misgendered as something nonbinary as being mislabeled as cisgender, this implies that you are indeed transgender.

https://gendercensus.com/post/612238605773111296/the-gender-census-2020-is-now-open

—

Now to be clear, there are historical economic considerations that made the decisions to specialize on the intersectionality of cisgender AFABs, but the economy & technology has changed. Basically marriage back in the day was economically necessary because there was effectively no birth control available. Therefore, to get child support etc, required getting the father to pay the consequences. However, marriage was very much a chattel property institution, marital rape was still legal, and women couldn’t get credit etc in our own names.

#

At the same time, similar to birth control being unavailable, hormones & other procedures for medically transitioning trans people were unavailable as well, which meant social transitioning & wardrobe etc were the main methods of affirming our gender. however, we sometimes got lucky & had a doctor write us a note affirming our gender & sometimes we got even luckier & govts accepted this. this however required getting labelled sick & begging doctors to give us treatment & getting money for this since insurance companies etc still discriminated against transgender people even when we agreed to have our gender identity situation labelled as sick & medically necessary. (similarly insurance companies still refuse to cover abortions & so do some doctors & hospitals.)

#

So this meant that AFABs were concerned about getting hijacked via impregnation. Because of the patriarchal economics of the whole thing, people were afraid of “the stepford wives” repeating itself in their own lives, where the mind can only handle what the ass can stand would mean trans women would go back into the closet.

#

Granted, that’s a bit misrepresentative of trans women & trans people because trans people & cis women who can get pregnant do have a lot more in common. we take the same meds, go to the same clinics, menopause etc gets taken due to distress over how our bodies work, etc. then again, how would trans AMAB people have gotten the money for child support?

#

historically & still to this day we basically had to beg doctors for the ability to get hormones to get a surgery to get a gender marker change & so on, which granted, what we trans people had available to us varied from locale to locale because it required collaborations of trans people, doctors, and the local govts & especially their police stations. again, before roe v wade abortion providers were super underground & secretive & there were specialized units at police stations for hunting down patients & providers under the charge of “murder”. it’s the same dynamics.

#

seriously trans people & people with bodies that can get pregnant, menstruate, menopause, etc, we go to the same clinics! women’s health clinics take trans patients, planned parenthood takes trans patients, do i need to go any further on how trans people & feminists have the same interests regarding reproductive health?

—

as for political lesbianism:

basically the normal advice of wait til you have your own money before having sex, wait til your mid 20s, don’t rely on a man to pay your bills etc, all of this comes from political lesbianism, which was like be celibate or else have sex that doesn’t involve sperm. (i’m not sure what the conditions were like surrounding not piv sex among the straights, and therefore what the likelihood of avoiding piv sex was. I do know that rape culture was much more heavily normalized than it is now.)

“Lesbian” was a catchall for women who didn’t have sex with men. this included: - ace, - celibate - bisexual - gay women. Part of the reason these communities were conflated again had to do with the economic pressures to get married, (while this next statement could be incorrect because i did just learn about ‘compulsory heterosexuality" a month ago, i think the vestiges of those economic pressures such as weddings are basically the gist of “comphet”.)

The goal of Political Lesbianism as well as Lesbian Separatism was to build an economy that didn’t require submission to patriarchy, such as that of marriage, pregnancy etc. In efforts to build like support networks, “men” were shunned as much as possible.

However these networks, (partly due to lacking radicalization) ended up replicating capitalism, (partly due to oppression against communes & other anti-capitalist activities) which then replicated the oppressions of capitalism. It makes sense that transphobia had formed of assimilation/respectability politics for such feminists. To quote from the criticism section of the Wikipedia article on the women’s liberation movement.

> “The philosophy practised by liberationists assumed a global sisterhood of support working to eliminate inequality without acknowledging that women were not united; other factors, such as age, class, ethnicity, and opportunity (or lack thereof) created spheres wherein women’s interests diverged, and some women felt underrepresented by the WLM.[208] While many women gained an awareness of how sexism permeated their lives, they did not become radicalized and were uninterested in overthrowing society. They made changes in their lives to address their individual needs and social arrangements, but were unwilling to take action on issues that might threaten their socio-economic status.[209] Liberationist theory also failed to recognize a fundamental difference in fighting oppression. Combating sexism had an internal component, whereby one could change the basic power structures within family units and personal spheres to eliminate the inequality. Class struggle and the fight against racism are solely external challenges, requiring public action to eradicate inequality.[210]”

[casszabek]

meet CASIMIR RADOSLAW ZABEK, he has been living in milton for fifteen years and is generally known around town for being dedicated and temperamental. the twenty one year old, is apparently a youtuber but you didn’t hear that from me. when i think of him i think of: splatters of blood on ice, skulls drawn on a fogged up window, the beads of a rosary biting into your palm despite knowing god will never take you.   -   timothee chalamet, cismale, he/him as written by pepper, 23, est, she/her. 

ABOUT THE MUN.  id like to formally apologize for calling everything sexy. it seems i have forgotten every other word that could express that i like something. 

hello all, it’s me, ya gurl pepper. as the kids say... what is UP kyle! i usually like to start these things with a bit about me but god i feel like y’all already know too much about me already i skjsjk revealed it all in that groupchat but omg okay lemme think. i am 5′6 and the shortest person in my family and everyone makes fun of me for it. i don’t drink so every time i write my muses drunk it’s a whole mess. i can’t cook but i love to eat. i am in love with both stiles stilinski and rory sutton brady. i love to rollerblade but the one time i did the rollerblades highkey cut into my skin so i’ve never done it again. i am a big marvel and like general superhero nerd but i’m not proud of it cause disney really let me down sdkjsdjk okay that’s it i think onto cass stuff now!

BIO. *removes one earbud* the fuck you want

cass was born and raised in poland to parents who honestly never really cared for him. like it wasn’t that they were particularly cruel to him or anything, they just didn’t like him. they barely bothered with him most days, generally leaving cass to his own devices when they could or with friendly neighbours. cass pretty much grew up raised by those polish grandmothers who stand on their balcony’s to look out and see the gossip, but he was always pretty okay with that like he never knew any different. until he did. 

when cass was six he and his parents took a trip to america and milton to visit his grandfather. you see, his grandfather and grandmother came to america for their retirement around the time that cass was about two. they settled down in milton and quickly became the eccentric foreign couple. the zabeks. everyone loved them. but then cass’ grandmother died. and his grandfather fucking cyrofreezed her ass and shoved her in the shed like a psycho. 

so basically they were coming for the funeral but the funeral was just them all looking at his grandmother’s frozen body in his grandads fucking shed like she was an exhibit at a museum. it was weird. like really weird. but so was grandpa zabek so no one really questioned it. cass just remembers thinking that he couldn’t wait to get out of there. 

he never did. his parents fucking left him there. just like that. 

they literally said they were just going over to the next town for some dry ice for the grandma zabek popsicle and they never. fucking. came. back. 

so cass was stuck here. with his crazy psycho drunk of a grandpa. and a grandma who was quickly getting freezer burn. and a town full of weird ass people. he was living the dream. 

but then things got weirder. the towns people, who were also psychos, like fucking loved it?? like they were way too into it. based a whole town tradition on the whole thing. and that wasn’t it, no, pretty soon they were attracting tourists. to their little fucking house, or more specifically, the shed in the back. cass has vivid memories of leading curious people out there, bringing them into the dark shed and just pulling down the little light switch to a bunch of oohs and aahs. people were fucking crazy. and cass learned that pretty quickly. he was jaded at a very young age.

but it didn’t stop there. oh no. so before grandpa zabek was a drunk psycho guy he was an olympic figure skating coach. and so guess what he forced his grandson to do for bonding?? fucking ballet. fucking figure skating. cass never really had a bit of a choice honestly, the moment his grandfather figured out he had a talent he was pretty much set on training cass up for the olympics. and honestly, the moment that cass figured out that he was actually good, and could actually fucking beat people, well. he was pretty into it. like honestly cass has always been pretty into knives, and like having knives on your shoes?? hardcore. 

so for most of cass’ life that was it. going to school and barely passing. ice skating after school, and before. showing off grandma for money whenever they had a couple tourists in town. the zabek household was always people’s weird small town stop on their crosscountry road trips. some asshole even did a whole article about them once, and that just blew things up further. prick. if cass ever finds him he’ll take out his kneecaps. 

honestly cass was always pretty much a loner in school? got into a lot of fights, caused a lot of mayham. think patrick verona in ten things i hate about you. that was cass’ energy. he had like maybe three friends total and he was pretty okay with that. 

anyways, so after years of training and figure skating and ballet training, like yes literally ballet training, cass is pretty much all ready for the olympics. he and his grandad are about to go through the whole fucking process and guess what the old man’s dumbass does?? tries to rob a bank in the city to pay for the various olympic things they need. gets his ass arrested of course. like an idiot. 

cass was sixteen at the time, and royally pissed about it but well. what can you do. so cass goes back to town, no medal, no nothing but his broken up feet to show for it all, and honestly kind of depressed and scared like ??? he didn’t know what he was going to do without his grandpa and he certainly didn’t want to go to foster care. but then the weirdest thing happens. the town takes care of him. 

cass didn’t ask for it of course. cass will die before asking for help. but he didn’t have to. just like that random ladies were coming to his house with casseroles for lunch, and dinner, and breakfast. people were double checking to make sure cass’ ass was going to class because he still had to graduate. some random ladies from his ballet studio even came with him to his grandfather’s hearing. 

it was weird honestly?? cass has never really gotten that level of support, not even from his grandfather, but it was big gilmore girls energy. the whole town rallied around him as if cass was just an angry, violent little rory gilmore after a heartbreak. and honestly he was grateful for it, although he’d never say it. he feels a certain level of debt to them honestly, so you can pretty much always lowkey catch cass helping an old lady clean out her gutters or like helping some random suburban mom paint over the side of her house. helping out at one of the stores when someone is short staffed. that kind of stuff. 

he still has the family business though and that covers the bills. every once and a while cass is over charging some suckers to see a dead lady and he’s chill with it. honestly he’s gotten so used to it that he actually talks to frozen grandma zabek like it’s nothing sdkjdsjk like honestly he lives by himself and he’s lonely so he’s always like ‘wow, look at the fuckin’ haul this time around babcia... with all this i can buy you a new dress or something...put it over your cube... just kidding, i’m spending this shit on a new board, sorry’ sdkdsjkan

but to bring in extra money cass does youtube, something he kind of stumbled into honestly?? like cass is really good at video games, and he really likes them so honestly someone probably just uploaded a video playing video games once (cause cass wouldn’t do it himself so wanted connection i guess if anyone is willing to like be friends with this boy) and like it blew up?? and cass realized he could make a whole ass career based off of this?? so that’s what he did??? he makes videos of him playing games and just getting super pissed when he loses or messes up and people LOVE IT!! he probably goes by halo online because he doesn’t want people to find him. also will occassionally post videos of him skateboarding. honestly is really popular on line, like maybe not p*wdiepie level but maybe markiplier or ksi idk gamer youtubers guys but he’s up there. has never been to playlist live or anything like that though because he is not a people person sdkdsj but someone force him to go i feel like it would be fun

oof and that’s it i think ! a long ride but thank you for getting to the end 

PERSONALITY. i may seem like an angry person on the surface but deep inside i’m angrier.

and that’s it that’s his personality thanks for coming out. 

BLUNT. no but aside from being generally grumpy at all times cass is just so honest most of the time, like he straight up does not lie for the most part because he doesn’t see the point?? says what he wants no matter how rude. kind of a dick but it’s not as much that he’s trying to be it’s just that he never goes out of his way to be nice unless he really, really likes you. 

TACTLESS. cass does not have a suave or like ??? persuasive bone in his body?? again he just says what he wants?? actually super like useless with an actual crush??? the kind of person who had a crush on someone as a kid and wrote them a little note that was like ‘get out of my school’ yk dsksd very mean to his crushes, will tease you mercilessly and get flustered and yeet at any reciprocation?? he doesn’t know what to do tf ??

DEDICATED. god, cass is like resilient and also so freaking ambitious and determined when he wants something?? unfortunately the olympics and like skating didn’t work out but he put his blood sweat and tears into that and whenever he finds what else he wants to do he will put that same energy into that too. 

TEMPERMENTAL. it is so easy to piss cass off, but if it’s the right person it’s also really easy to make him laugh. like he hates most people, but his mood can be like so easily changeable. one second he’s laughing the next he’s punching some guy in the face. i’m making him sound kind of unhinged and sometimes he is but most of the time he’s chill. 

CONFLICTING. god cass doesn’t say what he means sometimes, which kind of conflicts with him being blunt but like??? at any sign of affection cass is like NO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE when he really wants someone to stay around like skjdsj he’s got big tsundere energy sometimes and i hate it. very bad at apologizing, very bad at like admitting when he’s wrong, very bad at like receiving or reciprocating affection unless it’s the right person because his parents and grandfather never hugged him sdkjsd

DESTRUCTIVE. literally the type to like to set things on fire sdkjsdj obsessed with bonfire nights cause he can just burn things. will explode things for fun on his youtube channel occasionally. like big chaotic aries energy people. 

FUN FACTS *covers up real feeling with aggressive sarcasm*

polish is his first language and he mostly learned english through tv and video games. he has a knack for languages as well, like he can pick them up fairly easily, but he’s honestly better with his body. has a thick ass polish accent though and he probably used to get teased for it when he was younger but anyone who would tease him for it would get their ass beat so skjdsjk was it worth it?? 

one smacked a guy with his skateboard so hard it straight snapped in half. that’s the level of aggression we’re coming with today.

was raised catholic, and is still kind of a god fearing boy. still goes to church like religiously despite his grandfather not being around. will wear a pressed white button down and then someone will point out there’s like blood on the collar dskjdsj *cass vc* oh fuck 

lives in hoodies about a size too big for him, the colour black and combat boots. general angry and all the adults in town are like casimir sweetie you should wear something bright it’ll make you look like less of a ghost and like half of them get the finger for it which results in a smack upside the head for your boy.

very competitive. like incredibly competitive. cass needs to win or he’ll die basically. 

bisexual as all hell. is kind of tentative about it because ??? will god hate him ??? but he is attracted to both men and women and he’s pretty sure god hates him already so 

absolutely adores video game apps. has like a thousand on his phone, and is constantly idly playing them, lie whenever cass has nothing to do he’s playing video games 

has a skateboard, tends to ride it like everywhere. catch cass riding through town either smoking or vaping, squeezing in the gaps between people and causing chaos. it’s his vibe. 

a dog person BIG TIME! has a big lovable white dog named snieg and he loves her, she is the only roommate he ever wants to have and he is kissing her constantly sdkjdsk catch cass only smiling at this dog ever tbh

sleep talks and sleep walks especially when he’s stressed. cass will walk into the middle of the street asleep honestly which is exactly why he should never move to the city.

also smokes when he’s stressed. smokes a lot of weed, might even experiment with some other stuff while he’s partying because yeah his body was a temple but now?? fuck it sdkjds

like i said his grandpa was highkey the town drunk. cass had to drag him out of bars regularly and like bring him home and he also literally like climbed on top of like town square drunk af on like christmas day sdkjsdj * cass vc * gET DOWN YOU OLD FUCK!!! IF YOU DIE I’LL BLOW YOUR LIFE INSURANCE ON HOOKERS!! sdkjdsk so yeah basically the zabeks were chaotic but lowkey cass misses his grandfathers drunk ass he visits him in prison like once a month. 

WANTED CONNECTIONS *how to catch feelings and then throw them into the fire where they belong*

i always love getting rivalry connections for cass so a RIVAL please and thanks. 

a PARTNER IN CRIME of sorts! someone who he can turn to just cause havoc and such??? whenever they’re together people know it’s trouble.

lowkey a CONSCIENCE?? someone who can be the little voice in the back of cass’ head mayhaps. who can convince him that attempting to use someone’s roof as a skateboarding ramp might not be a good idea you know. keep him sane, keep him alive. 

someone who cass feels comfortable discussing his feelings with?? like a CONFIDANTE. this would probably have to be a true legend and a super rare person??? just someone who can listen to cass’ crap and just be there for him you know. likely his soft spot tbh

someone who casimir absolutely hates with every fibre of his being. give me that HATESHIP. someone who he wouldn’t piss on if they were on fire. it could be mutual or onesided.

someone who has maybe been in a few of cass’ vlogs that the internet like ships him with??? could be fun. there are like edits of them everywhere, they have a ship name, and cass wants to murder the world. 

an EX because i always love that kind of stuff. cass is the worst at relationships but he is always all in emotionally. it probably would have been a lot of fighting and arguing but also good when it was good honestly we can plot it out. 

the JACKIE TO HIS HYDE please and thank you. it’s what we deserve. 

 FRIENDS of course i nearly forgot but like friends please. maybe the couple of people who could tolerate him in high school??

and finally.... FWBS or EWBs because why not, that’s as much as cass can handle emotionally.

omg i lied cause also A CRUSH! like a childhood crush on cass’ part, or on your muse’s part, or a crush that has just arisen now an cass lke avoids them like the plague for it. although if cass has a crush on your muse just be prepared for him to be irrationally kind of mean because he doesn’t know how to emotion. 

a SIBLING LIKE RELATIONSHIP!! big brother for cass, or cass can be the big brother, a big sister for cass, or a little sister. i’m here for it all whether it’s bickering siblings or protective siblings that would do anything for each other. a kind of found family thing if you will, please and thanks.

and absolutely anything else! i am one hundred percent happy to brainstorm something if none of these catch your eye so like this and i’ll hit you up! or react to me on discord either works tbh

[dearkaelsman]

Because I’m currently unemployed and my province is in recession wooo

GET TO KNOW THE BLOGGER.

Can be used for RP and non-RP blogs to get to know a bit about the person behind the screen!

1. FIRST NAME: Ashli

2. STRANGE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF: I can say the alphabet faster backwards than forwards. I am also a proud BlackBerry user in 2020.

3. TOP THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE ON A PERSON: Eyes and smile are the first things I notice. After that I feel like it’s different things I find attractive on a person or reflective on personality.

4. A FOOD YOU COULD EAT FOREVER AND NOT GET BORED OF: Hungarian-style cabbage rolls. Beef belongs in them, not pork.

5. A FOOD YOU HATE: Meat pies of any sort (they’re too rich for my palette to handle and literally make me feel sick).

6. GUILTY PLEASURE: I don’t believe in feeling guilty about things I enjoy if they’re not hurting anyone. 

7. WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN: In the winter I go full-on fleece PJ’s because I’m Albertan and it gets down to -40*C here. In the summer, a t-shirt or tank top and Lululemon pants/shorts.

8. SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS OR FLINGS: Serious relationships because I lack self esteem.

9. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN THE PAST AND CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WOULD YOU AND WHAT WOULD IT BE: Generally speaking I believe everything happens for a reason, however, as a recently unemployed journalist, I do wish I had paid more attention to job openings while working at my last newspaper that was shut down in January. I genuinely loved what I was doing, where I was working ( the pay was practically minimum wage but it was a job), so I didn’t pay attention to them before, and now I’m literally living in one of the worst areas of my country to find a job, and unable to afford moving to where there’s work.

10. ARE YOU AN AFFECTIONATE PERSON: If I’m comfortable with the person, yes.

11. A MOVIE YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN: The Star Wars prequels.

12. FAVOURITE BOOK: I read a lot so it’s impossible for me to narrow down to one book. The Harry Potter series (specifically Prisoner of Azkaban) will probably be amongst my favourites, especially given it was the first book series that made me love reading. Beastly by Alex Flinn is one of my go-to rereads when I’m looking for something romantic because I really enjoy the way the book is written, and as a girl that often ends up RPing guys, it’s nice to have that “male” type perspective on a romantic relationship. The Immortals Series by Tamora Pierce is also a long-standing favourite. 

13. YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP ANY ANIMAL AS A PET, WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE: Cats. I could so easily by a “crazy cat lady,” but I just have two at the moment.

14. TOP FIVE FICTIONAL SHIPS [IF YOU ARE AN RP BLOG, YOU CAN USE YOUR OWN SHIPS AS WELL]: Dearka x Miriallia (Gundam SEED, obvs.), Anakin x Padme (Star Wars), Trunks x Pan (DBZ), Mitsuhide x Kiki (Snow White with the Red Hair), Sakura x Syaoran (Cardcaptors)

15. PIE OR CAKE: Cake. I’m super picky with pie.

16. FAVOURITE SCENT: The smell in the air after it’s rained in the summer, OR what my sister and I like to call “warm sunny kitty,” which is how the kitties smell after they’ve been sleeping in a sunbeam all afternoon.

17. CELEBRITY CRUSH: I don’t really crush on celebrities as much as I’ll find a character attractive in a show or movie that I’m watching. I recently binged “Spinning Out” on Netflix which unfortunately got cancelled after the first season, and I really liked Justin Davis, played by Evan Roderick, so I guess he might count as my current celeb crush?

18. IF YOU COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD YOU GO: Right now  I’m very much in Star Wars obsession mode so I’d like to go to Disney World to check out Galaxy’s Edge. Eventually I want to see the life-size Gundam in Japan and visit Cat Island, and visit Greece and Italy.

19. INTROVERT OR EXTROVERT: 100 per cent an introvert.

20. DO YOU SCARE EASILY: Probably.

21. IPHONE OR ANDROID: Android. Apples rot.

22. DO YOU PLAY ANY VIDEO GAMES: Yeah, I’m slowly catching up on games while I’m unemployed. Star Wars Jedi Fallen Order is a recent favourite, but I’m super excited about the remaster of FFVII coming out.

23. DREAM JOB:  I don’t like limiting myself which is why I like being a journalist/photojournalist where I get to experience and do a number of different things. That said, if I could do nothing but shoot events for a newspaper - and sadly newspapers don’t employ straight photographers anymore - that would be ideal. Potentially I wouldn’t mind delving into the political realm with behind the scenes stuff, or combine my love for nerdy things with writing/photography and somehow get paid for it. And paid more than just above minimum wage LOL.

24. WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS: Buy my dream camera, the Canon ID X, repair the gear I have that needs to go in. I’d look into opening up a viable independent local newspaper for central Alberta that isn’t tied down to a corporate, American-based chain or operating as a political propaganda machine, and once I have some job security, move into a place of my own.

25. FICTIONAL CHARACTER YOU HATE: Athrun Zala. He’s very much a self-righteous character that believes he’s the only one that really knows what’s going on, and the only one who NEEDS to know what’s going on. Much of the friction he created within the Le Creuset Team was as a result of him not letting his teammates know that Kira was a friend and Coordinator piloting the Strike. I believe they would’ve approached battles differently if they had known, and it would’ve eliminated the doubts of Athrun’s leadership when they were searching for the Archangel on Orb, and honestly may have saved Nicol’s life in the end. If he wasn’t so self-righteous, he also wouldn’t have played into Durandal’s hand in Destiny, trust Kira and even Lacus to be on the right side of things, and perhaps even prevented that whole Cagalli-Yuuna situation. He might even actually let one of the many women fawning over him (he honestly doesn’t seem interested in ANY OF THEM, Cagalli included), and let Dearka and Yzak know what was going on in Destiny when they were left in the dark about Durandal’s master plan, and what role the Archangel and Athrun were playing in the war.

I guess what bothers me, too - and it could just be the Dearka in me talking - but he gets preferential treatment a lot. As far as I know, the story is Dearka was demoted for his defection from ZAFT, while Athrun, who defected AFTER Dearka and didn’t even have the balls to return right after the war returned in Destiny and was given back his red coat and a FAITH badge as if he’d never done anything wrong in ZAFT’s eyes....only to pull the same shit again.

Honestly, the man has no direction in life, and is somehow lauded as a hero and exempted from any sort of repercussions of his actions.

26. FANDOM THAT YOU WERE ONCE A PART OF BUT AREN’T ANY LONGER: Voltron. Miriallia-mun and I were both into Voltron when it came out and even cosplayed Hunk and Keith together and it was the best. But as it goes with many fandoms, the show got hijacked by brutal shipping wars where one couldn’t just enjoy the show. The fandom then became really toxic, calling for the creators to be assaulted or worse at conventions, or insinuating they were homophobic because they didn’t make their slash pairing canon. I couldn’t have cared less about ships in the show, and the final season showed some catering to toxic fan pressure and had some poor plot points which honestly left me uninterested in watching the show after the final season.

tagged by: Stole it from @aegis-destiny

tagging : Anyone who wants to.

[anastasiaskarsgard]

Destiny of the Damned

Part 1- Roman Godfrey

Chapter 1- nosebleed

I never thought I'd miss traffic and noise. In California, something is always happening, and traffic is just a fact of life. When I had to move out to help my uncle, who lives outside of Hemlock Grove Pennsylvania to say it was a culture shock was an understatement. Everything closed early and I think they’d have to schedule a traffic jam or someone would need to get murdered on the main roads. After about a month, you figure out who everyone is. Small town life is bizarre. I went to eat at a local diner, and a police officer was eating there as well, looking out the window and makes a call. I’m in the next booth, so I can’t help but overhear him call someone that had just run the stop sign, and told them to come pick up their tocket at the station later. I always took the energy and anonymity giant metropolitan areas like Los Angeles or San Francisco for granted. It never even occured to me there were places where there were no malls, airports, freeways or parking fees. I’ve been here for a little over 2 months, and I am literally the only Mercedes Benz S-Class I’ve seen. In order to reach civilization and acceptable fashion retail, you had to go on a full on road trip. My uncle was the closest thing I had to a parent, so I was willing to tough it out for him. He had fallen down his concrete basement stairs, and fractured his neck a hands. He is very independant and stubborn and needed assistance until he healed from the multiple surgeries he’s had to endure, to get his hands working correctly again. His home is a famous work of art, more than a place to actually occupy, so strangers coming to stay there, and touch his stuff, damn near got him catching a charge. I just finished University and was an executive for my Uncles’ multi billion dollar corporation but realistically, we could take the rest of our lives off, and be fine. But we are both workaholic innovators that share the same miraculous quirk. We have autobiographical memories which means we don't forget anything. Want to know what the date, temperature, things I did, who I was with the first time I heard a particular song? I can tell you. It's a blessing and a curse. Everything is a trigger for memories for me and my Uncle. So although his desire for isolation and little contact is extreme, I get it. Having a brain that doesn't stop can be exhausting and stressful.

Books help, so when I turned the corner, and spotted a Barnes and Noble, I actually squealed in excitement. I pulled up and looked a little out of place, but i didnt care. My car was understated, low profile, over the top. With its clear panoramic sunroof,  technology, and ambiance lighting, id always kid with my uncle that i needed it for my mental health. Really, I was terribly spoiled,  yet I appreciated it and never tried to rub it anyone's face, but I understood a young woman exiting a very expensive car, in a small town, that lived in the strange house with her reclusive billionaire Uncle, wasn't going to have anyone baking me pies. I was a realist.

I was pleasantly surprised by the sheer size of this store. inside there was a shockingly large lego display and it reminded me of how much i used to love assembling complicated structures, while most girls played wth dolls. While most little girls wanted to play with dollies and imagine scenarios about their wedding day, I was trying to improve my laptops performance (catching a few on fire in my early years). The dynamics and emotionality of people never held any value really. It was what truly always puzzled me. Losing oneself in another person, or the entire concept of love, seemed so unlikely. Far too many factors involved, and why anyone compromises when they can just do as they please by themselves only makes sense in situations like with my Uncle. It was still inconvenient, so getting close to people has never been appealing, but the legos we're.

I walked over and spotted a gigantic Death Star set and clapped in delight. I thought I heard a low chuckle behind me, so I spun around to find the best looking man I'd ever seen, dressed in a very nice suit. He didnt waver or look away when i looked at him, and almost looked as though he were daring me to look away. Most people would find him intimidating, but nothing really made me nervous so he didnt phase me.

"What's funny?" I asked looking him dead in the eye.

"You." He smirked.

"Glad to oblige you" i said sarcastically as I did a half hearted bow, then standing straight with a smirk. Who did he think he was? Green eyed, puffy lipped punk. I didn't break eye contact which usually caused people to look away by now, but To my surprise he laughed and looked me up and down. Assessed me like i was livestock; sizing me up and trying to decide if he could break me.

"I'm Roman."

"I'm American." I replied.

"No my name is Roman." He laughed heartily. An amused twinkle in his eye.

I couldn't help but notice he really had the best smile, and I really have a thing for noses, and his was divine.  if you think about it, its the most important facial feature. A nose can make or break a face, and his cute little slightly upturned nose, with its perfect symmetry was for sure making his face. combine that with his gorgeous green eyes, long lashes, defined bone structure, alabaster skin and standing at least 6′3″ he must be one of the biggest pains in the asses, this side of the Mississippi! Most women would see him and be all in but having a gorgeous man that exudes sexuality and is very sure of himself is far more trouble then anyone could ever be worth.

Why pretty boy wanted to trade names, probably had nothing to do with me, and much more to do with boredom, or what he could get out of me. I usually don't pay much attention to anyone of the opposite sex, especially obvious pains in the ass like the man before me, but something about him, was preventing me from just turning around and blowing him off.

"Generally when I tell someone my name, they tell me their own." He said staring into my eyes with such an intensity that I reacted almost involuntarily.

I have a defect. If someone tries to tell me what to do or control me, I am not fucking having it. Authority has always been an issue, and this felt a lot like him trying to dominate me, and I felt almost sick. Like when you stand up too fast and get a bit woozy. I took that as a good time to turn my back on him and ignore him.

He walked in front of me, blocking my view of the legos and ducked down a bit to make eye contact. I couldnt hide the complete shock on my face at his behavior.  He's either crazy or incredibly confident. I raised my eyebrows as if to say "can i help you" and I know my face was absolutely unfriendly, yet he didn't appear to notice.

His face hardened "tell me. Your. Name." He said slowly and deliberately.

Now it was my turn to laugh. I looked at him to see the smile or just kiddding , but it never came... WOW. He was serious!!! I leaned my face a couple inches from his face and I said "Nope" making sure to loudly pop the p.

The look on his face was absolutely priceless, and had my laughing enough that several people were starting. just as I was about to walk away victorious, his nose began to bleed. I instantly was embarrassed for him and I couldnt just leave him here to bleed on the legos so I jumped into action.

"Oh shit, your nose is bleeding." i said lookinbg around for any type of tissue, when i noticed we were right next to the restrooms.

"What? Seriously? Can you get it?" he implored looking all frightened, dare I say fragile.

Without any hesitation, I wiped the blood from his face. "Come with me, we need tissue, bathroom is right here. Look up and hold your nose." I grabbed his hand and recieved a shock. static electricity stayed with me a lot and often scared people but he didnt even flinch. He laced his fingers in mine as if it were the most natural thing in the world and i led him to the bathroom.

Once inside, I grabbed some tissues and directed him to stand over the sink. I wet some paper towels and wiped away the blood and then took the dry tissues and pushed his head back and crammed little tissue torpedos in his perfect little nose. The whole time I could feel his intense gaze on me, but what else was he going to look at really?

"Gotta admit, this is new." He quipped, admiring my handy work in the mirror and laughing in dismay.

"What? Bloody nose or attention from ladies?"

"Um.... you're kind of rude, but then when there is an issue, you don't hesitate to help.  Then you're taking better care of my nose bleed than anyone. No one really takes charge with me.... and now I'm in a bathroom with a woman and we aren't fucking." He laughed again.

"Fucking. Classy. If I didn't know any better I'd swear you were the Godfrey asshole everyone keeps telling me about." Ever since I'd arrived at Hemlock grove, I'd heard Godfrey this and Godfrey that. Their name was on everything and I'd heard the son was like a 21 year old gorgeous nightmare, that was as kind, as he was humble. The few people id spoken to had told me to stay away from him. I found it odd, I didn't know his first name all of a sudden.

His face fell into a frown.

"I see that's the general consensus about that guy. Cheer up Charlie, your nose stopped bleeding most likely, let me just pull these out." i gently pulled the tissues from his nose and waited for blood but none came. "Boom mothafucka its on!" i laughed at my own ridiculousness before turning and washing my hands.

"You're weird” he stated matter of factly.

Roman stood there quietly thinking. I could almost feel the wheels turning in his head. His mood had completely changed at the mention of the Godfrey kid.Maybe his family had lost everything because of them too or the guy stole his girl, i felt a little guilty so i relented a tiny bit.

"Hey listen, Roman was it?" He nodded and bit his lip. oh he knows what hes doing. boy he was trouble "I'm sorry if the Godfrey's are a sore subject. I don't know anything about anybody here. I'm just helping out my crazy uncle that fell down his basement stairs and broke his hands and neck. I'm from the west coast and this dreary fucking place isn't exactly my cup of tea. I don't know why I'm rude before I'm polite but it's involuntary. My name is Letha, it's like Lisa with a lisp and now I've officially over shared." I could feel my face turning red. Why was He making me such an awkward mess? My God this WAS new.

suddenly he grabbed me by my shoulders and pulled me in stopping just an inch away from my face. "Who put you up to this?" He asked with such venom in his voice it made me flinch. "WHO!?!?!" He screamed in my face.

I tried to push him away but he wouldn't budge. My mind raced and I began to panic. No one has ever screamed in my face like this and I didn't like it and yet, the way his eyes searched mine and the tenseness in his body, and just sheer panic made me do something I hardly ever did. Maybe it was brought on by panic or survival instinct, but it was not my normal. Especially to a crazy stranger in the bathroom, but I had the overwhelming NEED to hug him. I fought past his hands trying to hold my shoulders in kind of a silly slap fight and grabbed him around the waist and buried my head in his shoulder. He smelled so good.This was outright crazy behavior for me, and i was confusing myself but if i tried to not think, it almost felt nice, for a few moments my mind was blank. A minute passed with me holding him as he calmed his breathing with his arms raised. Nothing was triggering me and I felt odd.

"Nobody sent me, you nut job! Hug me back, you need a hug. ”i squeezed even harder, nuzzling my face into his collar, his chin gently resting on my head.

His arms hesitantly closed around my back and then he crushed me into a deep embrace. He really did need a hug. "You ok now crazy?" I asked trying to pull back to look at his face but he held me fast. He started to shudder a bit and then I felt moisture hit my forehead. Ok it's gone too far, this is why I don't hug.

Was this crazy ass dude crying? Oh no, he was really crazy. Shit shit shit. Good job Letha, you're gonna get murdered in a bookstore bathroom, in shit hole Pennsylvania, on a Friday afternoon. Why did you hug this fucking guy? I was starting to breathe funny now!

Roman loosened his grip and looked deep in my eyes searching for something. What? Im unsure, but he must of found it, because he laughed and he seemed almost sweet, except tears were running down his face and a moment earlier he screamed in my face.

"Well Ms Letha, it's a pleasure to meet you. I'd love nothing more than to take you out this evening wherever you want to go. Before you refuse, I assure you I'm not crazy, it's just I had a cousin named Letha, which I'm sure you're aware is an unusual name, and I loved her very much and she passed and I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. It caught me off guard."

I had heard about that Letha. Everyone that found out my name, told me about Letha Godfrey, the Godfrey girl that was as kind as she was beautiful, but tragically got knocked up and lost her mind talking about angels being the father, and dating some weirdo outcast. when she went to give birth in the family skyscraper medical facility, she mysteriously died and so did her baby.

"You're the Godfrey kid." I practically whispered staring at him with wide eyes as I recalled what I'd said about him, TO him.

"Hardly a kid anymore I think." He smiled. He was so handsome, it was freaking me out. "What's your phone number? I have to run to the white tower, and then I'm all yours."

I knew better. He was too good looking and too rich and too everything but something told me he needed me. I know it sounds crazy but I believed in my heart and soul, this perfect beautiful fucking legend of a man needed me. I knew it wasn't logical, but I told him my number and turned to walk out of the bathroom, but he grabbed my hand.

"Please answer." He pleaded pressing a kiss to my hand. He wasn't trying to make me do anything now. He was giving the power over to me and i was honestly taken aback a bit by the almost desperate look in his eyes. I knew in my heart, he genuinely needed me, but for what?

I can't explain the feeling I felt in that bathroom with this man, but when I say I felt a deeper connection to him than I'd ever felt in my 22 years on this earth, I mean it. It was thrilling, and scary, and strange. I smiled at him and nodded my head. As I made my way to my car, I tried to convince myself not to answer, but I knew that I would.

He didn't follow me out of the bathroom and I just made a bee line for my car. I had to go. I couldn't help smiling from ear to ear. The cashier glared at me with open animosity, before turning her attention to the restroom door, looking dreamily for Roman to appear. Boy oh boy did I know better than to get involved with this guy, but deep in my gut i knew. He needed me.

[idiopath-fic-smile]

have you ever put any thought into what's going on with the ABC gang in WAR a decade on? like, a lot of high school aus that use homophobia as a plot point are deliberately set in the 70s or the 80s, so it gets a little depressing because they'll have to wait decades for things to really get better - but you set WAR in 2006, which is *so cool* because in less than 10 years it goes from, well, 2006, to obergefell v. hodges.

this question is a bit complicated by the fact that i’m still working on adapting WAR into a novel, and the characters are a little different (i combined a lot of people, and also made most of them female) so this is specifically for the Les Mis fanfic version. 

also, this is more just my overall headcanon for the epilogue of WAR. take it with a grain of salt, none of this is True Canon, death of the author, etc

-it is my cherished secret headcanon that the members of the ABC gradually realize (in some cases, YEARS later) that actually none of them were straight, cis, and allo, with the possible exception of combeferre. 

ex) high school jehan ID’s as gay, but once they’re in the place to have more vocabulary for it, they come out as trans, nonbinary but femme-leaning (while continuing to be mostly into dudes). i think that eponine is bi (and also realizes pretty late that she’s nonbinary.) joly and bossuet are both bi. cosette is a lesbian. marius is ace. (their relationship worked in part because neither ever pressured the other, for anything. it was kind of more like playing house.) bahorel ID’s as straight for the longest time, but there’s a couple of male celebrities he jokes about as his “exceptions” until he realizes one day, hmm not really a joke. courfeyrac in high school considers himself gay, but after jehan comes out, realizes in retrospect he doesn’t fall perfectly on one end of the kinsey scale, either.

-molly keeps the ABC alive once the others graduate. gavroche joins when he becomes a freshman, and by his senior year, the club is double its original size. (he jokes it’s because he made LGBTQ rights cool, but really, a tide is turning.)

-enjolras stays politically active and does a lot of nonprofit and organizing work all throughout college. in ‘08, he joins one of those groups that goes door to door registering voters (so does jehan, who attends the same university). enjolras’s experiences with other people, people NOT from affluent suburbs, open his eyes in a good way and make him a little less intense about his own point of view.

-most of the ABC kids are swept up in the excitement of the first obama campaign. combeferre actually gets emotional, talking about it; he writes some very eloquent op-eds in the school paper about what obama means to him, and how fucked-up all the racist scrutiny really is. joly, musichetta, and bossuet phone bank. eponine starts taking photos at rallies, one of which becomes kind of well-known and helps launch her interest in pursuing photography for real. courfeyrac organizes theatrical productions to raise money for the campaign, which are a weird and wild success. bahorel is a minor social media star, and he leverages his dubious fame to try to help get out the young people vote.

-(eponine is gavroche’s legal guardian, and she balances work with community college. she was honestly more of a hillary girl, but obama wins her over eventually.)

-grantaire and enjolras stayed together post-high school, and after a year of attending a nearby community college, grantaire has the grades to transfer to the same university as enjolras. 

grantire spends most of his early college years bouncing from one major to another; he likes art but more as a release than as an area of academic focus. like, getting a bad grade on an art project is fucking devastating. they start fighting a lot that first september in the same school because enjolras is so sure of his path and grantaire feels guilty and defensive for not knowing where to go with his life. it makes grantaire feel like a worthless burnout again (which is frustrating because he thought he’d WORKED THROUGH IT, dammit), but he also resents enjolras’s attempts to help him, which eventually makes enjolras pull away in hurt, which terrifies grantaire so much that he pulls away too, and they break up very early sophomore year of college.

-the night obama wins the election in ‘08, even despite the blow of prop 8 passing, all the old ABC members are calling each other, yelling into their phones with delight. combeferre is literally crying.enjolras is jubilant, but grantaire, who had never seriously thought that obama had a chance, honestly feels like he’s high again.

enjolras and grantaire wind up at the same celebratory party and, under the influence of all that victory, they hook up. holy shit have they missed each other. they briefly get back together, but it’s not like it was in high school, before they knew quite how badly they could hurt each other. when enjolras does study abroad for a semester, they break up again, amicably, rather than do the long distance thing. they drift apart even when he gets back. it’s nobody’s fault.

-jehan switches to they/them pronouns and puts out a chapbook of poetry about feeling connected to the words of dead authors. bahorel becomes a college radio DJ, and is so good, his show gets picked up by local stations and he eventually starts working as the “bad boy of NPR”. courfeyrac realizes that more than acting, his real joy is stage managing. musichetta goes into business, advocating for greater diversity. 

-grantaire winds up at the last minute, majoring in psychology. studying this stuff in an actual class makes him realize just how dysfunctional his family dynamics have really been, and how little of it had to do with him. it’s both freeing and terrifying. he makes friends in his advanced psych courses (mostly idealistic young feminist women), and dates one for a while. ironically, she’s also bi. he has more of a chance to unpack all the stigma he’s been carrying around for years, how frustrating it was to be seen as “the gay kid” in high school when that wasn’t really true.

-combeferre decides to get dreadlocks after graduating undergrad and becomes “that hot World Lit TA with the dreadlocks”

-grantaire starts kind of considering going into counseling. the members of the ABC he’s still in touch with keep urging him to write Mr. Myriel a letter, and grantaire keeps dragging his feet, but one night he’s in town to visit Eponine, and runs into Mr. Myriel at the grocery store, and basically word-vomits all this gratitude, and the two become penpals. Mr. Myriel eventually writes one of the recommendation letters that gets grantaire into a sociology master’s program.

-combeferre gets fed up with the ivory tower of academia and joins a startup that teaches coding to kids, particularly girls in low-income areas. (He’d long been interested in coding, but more as a fun side hobby.)

-grantaire moves to the city (uh, let’s say chicago) to get his master’s, where he also reconnects with bossuet, who by then is a hippie engineer and just a solid, low-stress friend to have. they become super close in a platonic bros way, and grantaire may actually be the one to say, “oh btw, did you have a crush on joly, or did you guys both just like musichetta?” (answer: YES and YES). grantaire rents a bedroom in bossuet’s apartment (bossuet has more space than anticipated because he just had a rough breakup) and in his starving student days, grantaire pays some of his rent to bossuet by cooking him dinner and stuff. in this time, grantaire actually learns how to cook, beyond just fucking up the occasional frozen pizza.

-kind of to his surprise, grantaire winds up really enjoying counseling (or at least, finding it rewarding; talking to people with such intense problems be rough) and particularly working with youths. they never expect his sense of humor, which turns out to be a pretty useful tool in connecting with them.

-bossuet sometimes, long-distance, donates his time to combeferre’s coding project. grantaire hears through bossuet, through combeferre, that enjolras is moving to chicago for law school.

-at first, grantaire and enjolras are awkward around each other, but the weird thing is, their positions are kind of reversed because grantaire by now feels pretty confident in his role as a counselor, and is doing good work, while enjolras is under a ton of stress in law school and still not always 100% sure it’s the right move. grantaire is living alone by now, and he misses hanging with bossuet (who is in a complex poly triad now, and has a lot less free time) (part of me feels it’d be way too big of a coincidence if it’s joly and musichetta, part of me yearns for it, so you decide for yourself i suppose). so grantaire starts coming over to cook dinner at enjolras’s apartment as enjolras studies. this is partly because grantaire’s own kitchen in his studio is really insufficient, but mostly an excuse for them to hang out in a low-cost, low-pressure way. they eat and watch Parks and Rec.

-in theory this is a great system, and in practice it’s the same kind of agonizing romantic tension from high school. enjolras is really into this more confident, happier, more balanced grantaire. grantaire appreciates that enjolras has gotten  a little less overbearing, a little lighter even as he’s also so clearly fraying at the seams. grantaire just wants to, like, give him a massage, but whoa boundaries. they sit on the same couch and SOMETIMES THEIR ARMS BRUSH.

-enjolras decides first that he wants to get back together, that they’ve grown enough in the time they were apart that they could build something healthy and balanced now. he’s not totally sure how to make his case to grantaire, and he feels a little weird being the less stable one of the pair. 

-enjolras decides that he’s gonna make grantaire dinner. grantaire doesn’t really get why; enjolras generally does the dishes so it’s not like anything’s really owed here??? enjolras slips into way overachiever mode and prepares like a whole three-course spread of painstakingly researched recipes. grantaire is VERY confused. “I thought I was hot shit, dude, where did you learn to cook like this?” enjolras has to shamefacedly confess he taught it to himself for this night. “Damn, are you proposing or something?” grantaire blurts in an ill-considered joke, and enjolras’s ears turn red. they get together again. it’s really good this time.

-in 2013, when the supreme court rules that gay marriage is legal in all 50 states, enjolras actually finds out because grantaire texts him the minute the news breaks with simply, “Holy fuck, you were right all along!!!!!” and then some hearts.

-they’re married a year later. one of their wedding photos is them kissing, both raising a middle finger to the imagined haters, like “bring it on, assholes” you’d think this would’ve been grantaire’s idea, but nope, enjolras. it’s framed over their mantle.

-by november 2016, enjolras is a lawyer for the ACLU, and grantaire is a counselor at an organization that primarily works with LGBTQA youth. after the election, enjolras doesn’t get out of bed all day. then he’s a whirlwind of activity. trump-era enjolras is a hybrid of the wisdom and confidence of obama-era enjolras, and the “fuck these motherfuckers” pinpoint focused ferocity of bush jr-era enjolras. grantaire’s work is frequently draining as hell, but he’s drawing again (making a webcomic with joly, actually), and they’re getting by.

-sometimes, at low moments, they remember how it felt at their wedding reception, when bahorel cued up Ted Leo’s “Shake the Sheets” and all those friends and loved ones danced their brains out (enjolras’s parents have some MOVES as it turns out), and grantaire got super choked up, and then enjolras leaned over while they were dancing and whispered in his ear, “Probably better that he didn’t go with our prom song,” (which, as you’ll remember, is Fifty Cent’s “Candy Shop”) and they both burst out laughing in the middle of the dance floor. If they survived high school, they can survive anything.

-bossuet, grantaire, joly, eponine, musichetta and sometimes enjolras have a long-distance D&D game wherein a ragtag crew of outcasts battles the odds as they attempt to take down an evil totalitarian kingdom. (joly’s already got notes for the graphic novel version.)

[erzastone]

#28 old rock bands and artificial intelligence

What did the cat drag in. Well for one a dark roast double double . Yum in the morning is what I like. I saw poison and cheap trick last night and some other band name pop evil. It was cool to see these old bands before they get too old and retire or pass away. Never know what can happen. Going to see Joan Jett next week . Going to be so sweet. When me and my lioness were there we saw an okward couple. I saw it anyway . She was busy watching the show. He was drunk and acting like a fool and spill the cat piss at the end of the beer on me trying to pass the seats.  He needed water and not more beer. Anyways he spilt her drink on the way back and then tryed to slip 20 bucks in her purse to make it alright. It wasn't the money it was the fact that he was stumbling and not paying attention at this point . I couldn't help it but I saw some of the text she was writing.  He left and texted her some stupid stuff. I think it was really cowardly and sad that people act this way . Who leaves a girl at a concert like that . What a looser I still think he should of just stuck it out . Nothing wrong with her just wasn't as boozy as he was. My lioness cheered said some nice words and tryed to cheer her up before we left. It sucks honestly to think that people are just ment to be alone . Some find there partner or partners way to late in life. Most likely the reason is socializing. People just suck at it and don't learn how to until there dead. Or on the brink of it. Like stop Internet dating and get out there and just mingle . The people who are on the Internet are there because they are antisocial. Most of them anyway. It's rare to find otherwise. I just find the Internet is full of trolls and catfish.

On that note let's talk about the Internet. What a unique thing it is. just think not to long ago if you needed information where would you go. To a library or some person with that information. the days of hiding your porn magazines under your bed are over. Maybe going to a clothing store or pretty much any store item can be ordered online to your doorstep. We live in a lazy but officiant time and  It's only going to get worse .  With the growing hype in ai and future tech . we will become more and more disconnected to our friends family and our own body's. With the new gaming platform virtual reality we are already seeing it. We have oculus and HTC vive oh plus ps4 morphious which isn't as good quality wise. I have a oculus and I know the disconnect from reality when you really get into an experience. Imagine how much better it will be in 10 or 20 years. People have died from long gaming sessions and I know it might eventually become an epidemic. People forgetting go eat or sleep go to work or other life roles.  It's exciting to see what will become of this technology.  What will the next generations of baby's going be like.

So what about ai and why is it scary. It could be a great thing but it is a fine line. Like playing with a bomb. It could explode at any time. We could be jobless so fast leaving us without purpose. What If they started studying us . They would only have to look at the Internet and would realise how literally screwy we are as a species . we commit acts of violence on our own kind on such disgraceful levels. That might be enough To make them be all like 'must eradicate all humans'. Sure we have good moments and creative achievements. We built all that is here and all that we will build. If they killed us all then they would be erasing anything we would eventually build.  It's an awsome topic to discuss and hopefully I can discuss these with someone someday . They would be better at everything eventually.  Stronger faster and of course smarter. We won't be able to compete in any field of any industry . We will totally become obsolete.  Maybe then we can do some serious exploring and revaluation. Maybe they will help us get better at curing all cancers and illness.  Help us live longer and better . Help us travel farther and better. All that great stuff not to mention they will most likely become a part of us. What do I Mean by that. Well everyone Will have inhancements. Not everyone but most people. All your digital devices including ID and information will be attached to your hand or a bracelet or something . most likely though everything will be inbedded into your body. You will become half robot . Like the borg or seven of nine . Imagine never loosing your keys wallet or any other personal items. Imagine not having to carry a purse or a bag around . It's a big topic with lots to talk about . Till next time I am 3 of 9. Just kidding erza out.

-ErzaStone

[blondiefrommars-blog]

J

I had never met them, and tonight was the first time I was going to see them in concert in almost 7 years. I had a group of friends I was going with. This was the last group function we were going to do together before I moved to California. I was so excited.

 I had achieved everything I wanted to before making the decision to move. I completed my weight loss journey, I was finally a trim 150 at 5’3”. I completed my college degree in accounting. I was transferring to a store and I had an Airbnb set up and waiting. I was prepared to try and find a different job that used my degree and continue the journey to be an actress. I had the tattoos that reminded me of who I was, and I got my motorcycle endorsement.

 I was on my bike headed to the concert, the others in my group were in the SUV beside me, they were blasting a Mars playlist. I was the daredevil. The roads were still slightly damp from the rain earlier. It was fall in the Pacific Northwest.

 We arrived, I walked over to the SUV, and started taking the motorcycle gear off. I had a black and white Mars crop top on, and skinny jeans. They were men’s, they had actual pockets!! My long blonde hair was in a high ponytail. The only personal items I was going to have on me was my ID, credit/debit cards, and my sound activated mask. I wanted to wear it in hopes of getting Jared’s attention. I wasn’t ashamed to admit that, but all I wanted was a hug. No selfie, just a hug.

 The group I was with consisted of myself, 2 of my best girlfriends, and 2 male friends. Jessica was taller than me, with jet black hair, I had known her since 2007. She was with me when I saw them the 1st time. Liz was the other female, she was also taller than me with brown curly hair that she straightened, we had been friends for around 3 years, even though we went to the same high school we had run in different circles, not to mention I was a year ahead of her. One of the guys, Tim, was her husband, he was coming because she wanted to sit on his shoulders. James was the other male, he was a friend and a previous co-worker of mine. His wife stayed home with their little girl. She had no interest in going.

 We were the 2nd group to get in the door, they hall had us lined up to receive our General Admission bands. This was the point of getting here early. The GA bands were limited, and there really is no other place you wanna be than in the pit when Mars is playing. We were almost 3 hours ahead of the concert. No one really cared, we all started making friends with the people around us. As we got closer to “go” time, people started getting amped up.

 There were a couple guys walking around with cameras taking pictures of people, and filming. Our group was approached for a picture which we were more than happy to participate. After the picture was approved by Jessica, another guy came up and asked if he could interview one of us, quickly before the show. Jessica pushed me forward, “You should interview Emma. She’s the one that’s got the tattoos, and is the real echelon.”

 “Really, would you mind?” the man asked.

 I glared at Jessica, I didn’t really like to talk about myself. And I had a feeling this guy was going to ask a lot of questions. That is usually what happens during an interview. “Sure, I guess.”

 He pulled me out of line and was escorting me to the interview spot, there was a stool for me to sit on. I propped myself up and took a deep breath.

 “Why don’t you start off with why you are a Mars fan? Or Echelon?” he asked.

 “Well, I’m sure you guys have heard this a lot, but they saved my life. About a year ago, I had a failing marriage, my anxiety and depression were starting to rule my life. I found myself sitting in my bathtub one night with my headphones in and a utility blade. I was ready to slit my wrists and end everything. But as I put the blade to my wrist, Alibi came on. I listened, and continued to listen. Mind you I never stopped listening to Mars before that. But, this is going to sound weird, but it felt like they were talking to me. Telling me to wait, just wait, the good stuff is coming. So, I didn’t do it.”

 The guy behind the camera was staring at me, with his jaw on the floor and his eyebrows had joined his hairline. I hadn’t noticed he was joined by a woman, who whispered something in his ear, started walking past me to a door behind me.

 “Okay so what and where are the tattoos?” he said with a cough.

 “Oh these, I showed my wrists, on my right wrist was the triad and on my left forearm was the 4 glyphs and the lyric ‘This is who I really am’. They remind me every day to not give up and keep pushing. Not to mention they cover up my self-harm scars.” I replied, staring at my arms.

 He walked over with the camera, then hesitated and asked, “Do you mind if I film your arms?”

 I shook my head, and said, “Go ahead.”

 The woman reappeared. She moved to be behind the tech guy, who I assumed was seeing what was being filmed. The other guy moved away from me, and asked, “Have you ever met Mars before?”

 “Nope, I don’t think I could handle it.” I replied. I could feel the blush creep up my neck and into my face.

 “What would do if you did meet them?” he asked, he folded his arms.

 I took a breath, and replied, “Honestly? Probably cry and ask for a shit ton of hugs.” I covered my mouth, “Sorry for the language.”

 The woman chuckled, and said, “Oh please, Jared is WAY worse.”

 I smiled.

 At that moment, I saw in peripherals I saw someone stand on my left. I snapped my head to the left and there was Tomo. My jaw dropped. “Are you fucking kidding me!” I half whispered, half said. I didn’t want to draw attention to myself, but Tomo did that all on his own.

 “Hi.” He said, holding his arms out. I shifted on the stool so I was facing him and hugged him.

 “It’s so nice to meet you!” he said hugging me tightly. I could feel my eyes starting to water. He released me as the door to our right opened, and Shannon came out. “Hey there’s Shannon, Shannon I think she needs one of your bear hugs.”

 I was still in shock, but at this point I was crying and my hands were on my face, covering everything. I didn’t like people be able to see me cry. That’s when I felt him, “Hey come here.” He whispered as he pulled me into a hug. I was positioned in between his legs, my knees where at mid-thigh level. I snaked my arms out from in between us and hugged him. Shannon and I both had out faces buried in each other’s necks and his right hand was on the back of my head. The best hug a girl could ask for.

 As he pulled away, she grabbed my arms, and said, “So there is one more person to see you. We were watching the video behind that door.”

 Shannon backed away and two muscular arms came around me from behind. I knew whose arms they belonged to by the tattoos. On the right wrist was the “Thirty” glyph, and the left had ink from ‘A Beautiful Lie’ album.

 He pulled me back slightly, and rested his head on my right shoulder. My arms were trapped, and my hands felt cold, I could tell I was shaking slightly. As he turned his head to look at me, that’s when two tears ran down my right cheek.

 “Oh, hey no crying, unless they are happy tears.” Jared moved around to stand in the spot Shannon had vacated. He took my face in his hands and wiped away the tears. “It’s nice to meet you.” He said only loud enough for him and me to hear. “I saw the filming of your story and we had to meet you. Can I see your tattoos?” He asked.

 I nodded, as I lifted my arms, Shannon and Tomo enclosed around me. “Wow, those are cool. Nice and simple. I dig it.” Tomo said.

 Jared and Shannon each had one of my arms, I was shaking, I knew you couldn’t see most of the scars, but I knew they were there. Jared had my right arm, as he ran his hand down my arm he said, “Hey we have slightly matching tattoos.” He showed me his wrist.

 I sniffled, “I know, this was my first tattoo, I got it on August 22 last year, the day you released Walk on Water. I didn’t actually plan it that way, and I didn’t plan for it to be on the same wrist as you.” I motioned to the arm Shannon was holding, “I got this one on October 17 last year, to make myself not be able to self-harm anymore, as well as remind me to not give up.”

 “Holy shit, that’s the most you have said to any of us!” Jared said smiling.

 Tomo and Shannon laughed. I chuckled.

 Jared turned serious, “So really only want hugs?”

 I nodded, “I just wanted to say thank you. You saved me, I now and going for my dreams, and nothing is going to stop me.”

 He smiled. “Good. Well, you aren’t just getting hugs.” He said as he pulled me into him. “Are you here with a group?” he asked.

 “yeah” I said as I pointed out my friends.

 Jared nodded, and said, “Pull them over here to!”

  Jessica, Liz, Tim, and James joined us, we were brought over to a larger area where I was pushed in between Jared and Shannon, Tomo was on the end hanging onto Jessica and the others. I was literally in a Leto sandwich. Not a bad place to be.

 As the pictures where finished, Jared pulled me aside, took my arms in his hands and looked me dead in the eye, “I need you to promise me something, okay?” I nodded. “No more hurting yourself, okay? Call the suicide line, reach out to your friends, anything. I don’t wanna get news that you are gone. Only if you promise me that will I give you your presents.” He said.

 “I promise. I haven’t done any self-harming for over a year.” I said quietly. Jessica came over to us, “Well hopefully you can maybe keep an eye out for her Jared, since she is moving to L.A. tomorrow.”

 “Wait, you’re moving to L.A.?” He asked. “Why? What is there for you?”

 “My dreams. I have always wanted to be an actress. So, I got an associate’s degree in accounting, so I can have a decent paying job while I pursue that dream.” I replied shyly. I didn’t really like voicing that I wanted to be famous. I felt like it was the fact that Jared was holding me that my self-confidence had abandoned me.

 “Well then, here.” He said as he handed me a black hoodie, it said ‘You Wouldn’t Understand.’ On the front. I picked it up and hugged it. “Really? Thanks!”

 “Alright let’s get you into the hall so we can have fun.” Shannon said.

 Before I was pulled from Jared, he whispered, “Look in the pocket, and at the back.”

 I smiled and nodded.

 Shannon ran over and planted a kiss on my head, and then they were gone.

 Jessica grabbed my arm as I just stood there staring at the door they had disappeared through. A security guard escorted us into the venue and we picked our spot, not 2 seconds later did the flood gates open and people were running towards us at full speed. We were pinned against the safety bar instantly. People took one look at me and started up conversations. I wasn’t listening, I was staring at the sweatshirt I was holding.

 “Emma, come here.” James said as he pulled me closer to the middle of the area our group was occupying.

 “What did he say to you before he left?” Jessica asked.

 I looked at her, and replied, “He said look in the pocket and on the back. Did that whole experience really happen to me? I feel like I’m dreaming.”

 “Here, this will make it real.” Jessica replied. A few seconds later my phone chimed, Jess had sent me a couple pictures. One was Jared and I looking at the camera smiling, the other was us looking at each other, it was the moment he made me promise not to self-harm anymore. I would remember that moment forever.

 I looked at her and smiled, with tears in my eyes. That’s when I reached into the pocket of the jacket, there was a piece of paper. I opened it up, all it said was a number and said, ‘Text Me.’ Whose umber is that? I grabbed my phone, and inputted the number and sent a message of ‘Okay, I’m texting.’

 After, I flipped the sweatshirt over and on the back, it said ‘Leto Crew’

I didn’t understand, I looked at Jessica, she had an eyebrow arched. I shook the jacket out, the tag caught my eye, I shifted the article of clothing in my hands and looked at the tag, in sharpie it had a ‘JL’ on the tag.

 “Oh my god.” I said, I snapped my head up to look at Jessica and Liz, their jaws were on the ground.

 “Holy Cow.” Jessica said

 “Sweet Mother of Mary!” Liz screamed.

 The three of us had come to the same conclusion. Jared Leto had given me his sweatshirt. My grip on it tighten tenfold.

The concert started, and as always it was amazing. The last song was about to start and Jared was pulling people up on stage. He looked directly me, and crouched down, pointed at me and my group, and said to security, “Them.” I was wearing my mask, I was still holding his sweatshirt, if I got to talk to him after the show I was going to have to return it, I couldn’t keep that.

 After Jared felt that there was enough people on stage, he looked at me again and said, “Wait the fuck a minute, Emma, come here, what is that?”

 I stepped forward, and pulled my mask down, and replied, “What?”

 He walked over and motioned to my mask.

 As I started to reply, Jared leaned in closer, “Oh, its sound activated. Either say something or play something, and then watch the mask.”

 Shannon started a kick drum, and the mask lit up. It was a little muddled, because of the screaming crowd but he got the idea.

 “That is fucking cool!” he said motioning towards the crowd as the camera guy got closer to put it up on the big screens.

 I reached behind my head and undid the Velcro, I handed it to Jared. The crowd started chanting, ‘Wear it!’

 I smiled as I held it out to him. He put his hands on his hips, and smiled. He came closer, and took the mask. I fastened it on the back of his neck, and said, “Just a heads up, if you plan on singing with it on, you will want to check to make sure people can hear you.”

 Jared walked up to the camera that was projecting on the big screen and started talking, it was working, but he pulled it down, it was resting on his neck and lighting up anytime there was noise. The last song was amazing, the crowd was on fire.

 “Thank you, thank you, thank you, Seattle! Good Night!” Jared said and briskly walked off stage, with my mask.

 As we were being funneled off stage, I felt someone grab my arm, as I looked for the owner of the arm, I saw it was the gentlemen from before, he smiled, and funneled our group away from the others. As we walked away we were handed laminated lanyards. I grabbed mine and looked at it closer, “Backstage Access: VIP’

 We wound through the halls of the venue, and finally came upon a door that was marked ’30 Seconds to Mars’ the door was open, we entered. Jared, Shannon, and Tomo were all over the place. Jared saw me, smiled, and motioned for me to come closer. As I got to him, I was holding the jacket still, “Jared, um, is this yours?” I asked timidly. I honestly wasn’t sure I wanted to know if it was.

 He smiled and replied, “No, it’s yours.” I glared at him, “You know what I meant.”

 “Okay, okay. Yes, it was mine, it’s yours now. Did you find the paper?” he asked standing and grabbing my arms.

 “I did. But I never got anything back, who the hell did I text Jared?” I asked quietly.

 He said nothing, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and fiddled with it for a moment and then showed me the screen, there was my text message.

 “Are you fucking kidding me?” I said as I closed my eyes and took a shaky breath.

 “What? I want to make it clear that if you need anything, I am here. No hurting yourself, that’s why I’m giving you my jacket, oh hang on,” he took the jacket, walked into the nearby bathroom and then returned, and handed it back, “smell. Now it smells like me, I’m giving you a lifeline, and my number that way if you need anything you can talk to me.”

 I was stunned, “Jared I can’t accept any of this.” I said looking down. “I appreciate the sentiment but you want to give your jacket and your number to a fan, who has a sob story, how many other echelons have a sad story? Are you going to give them the same treatment? You’ll be naked if you aren’t careful.” I was holding the jacket out to him.

 Jared was silent for a moment and then said, “I’m giving you these items because you have inspired me and others around you. You deserved something more than a picture. You overcame some serious shit. Don’t ever let anyone tell you, your story is like other people. As for the other Echelon, they know I love them, some of you deserve reassurance that we are here for all of you.”

 Tears started coming again, he pulled me into a hug. His right arm was wrapped around my waist, and his left hand was cradling my head. The jacket was wedged between us, my jaw was against his left shoulder, and my arms were wrapped around his waist. He was so calming, maybe even a little intimidating. I closed my eyes and took a breath; the smell of the jacket was the same smell coming off Jared. I opened my eyes, took a half step back, and asked, “Is that smell Gucci Guilty?”

 “Hell yeah, I love that stuff.” He said with a smile.

 “Emma, we gotta go.” Liz said quietly.

 “Seriously, I’m here if you need me.” He said.

 I pulled my phone out, and save the number. “What should I name you? I don’t want people to know it’s you. Is that selfish?” I asked.

 “No.” He replied, and took my phone, entered something and handed it back. “There.”

 I looked at the contact name, ‘J’

 I looked up and we smiled at each other.

 “See you later.” Jared said.

   After we left I grabbed my riding gear out of the SUV and started to get dressed. The jacket Jared gave me was already on, and I was putting my riding jacket over it.

 “Where we headed now?” Liz asked.

 “Well, none of us work tomorrow, how about we go to my place and hang out and share all the pictures. Cause Emma I have a bunch you need to see of you and Jared.” Jessica said.

 “OK!” I replied.

 As we went down the road, I was ahead of the SUV, I had Mars playing in my ears, I was beyond happy. Too bad I didn’t see the Ford F150 truck run the red light and T-bone me.

 All I remember is screeching tires, metal tearing, a lot of pain, then nothing.

 When I woke up, I was lying in a bed, it was warm, I was so thirsty. The lights were so bright. Something was in my mouth and I couldn’t move. My eyes didn’t want to open, I wanted to rub my eyes.

 I started to panic, I couldn’t see and I couldn’t move. I could hear beeping. I moved my fingers, I was holding something. I gripped it and there was a clicking noise. Someone came closer, and started talking, “Well hello, can you open your eyes? I started to shake my head, but that hurt like hell. “Okay, it’s okay, Emma don’t move your head. Your hands are restrained. If I let them loose you have to promise to not pull cords out. I’ve already called the Doctor, he is on his way.”

 After my hands were free I rubbed my eyes and finally open them, it was even brighter. I started to feel my face, that’s when I realized that I had a tube down my throat. I wanted it out. Where was my friends, how long had I been here, the last thing I remember was leaving the Mars concert.

 I was handed a white board and a dry erase pen, I started writing my questions.

 ‘What happened?

Where am I?

Where are my friends?

I want to talk to J.’

 I turned the board, the nurse read, and replied, “You were in a pretty nasty accident, you are at the University of WA hospital in Seattle. Your friends went to get food, who is J?”

 I erased the board, ‘Where is my phone?’

 I showed her, “Your friends have it, I’ll go get them once the Dr. Christian is here.”

 At the point, a male voice rang out, “I’m here, go ahead Kelly. Hello, Ms. Emma. How are you feeling?”

 I wrote on the board, ‘Confused, and in pain.’

 “Yes, you are going to have some confusion, and can you tell me what hurts?” he asked.

 ‘My throat, head, neck, back, and legs. I want this tube thing out.’

 “Yes, do you remember much of the accident? Blink once for yes and twice for no.” he said

 I blinked twice.

 “You were T-boned by a drunk driver, almost a week ago. You had a broken leg, a dislocated right shoulder, and a cracked skull, along with some bumps and bruises. It’s a good thing you were wearing as much as you were it saved your life. As for the pain, I’ll have some pain meds coming, and the tube that has to stay in a little longer, we want to make sure that you are under your own control. If you wake up tomorrow on your own then we can remove it. Ah, and here are your friends.”

 Jessica, Liz, Tim, and James all came busting through the door. “I’ll let you all catch up.” The Dr said, then left.

 I looked at my friends, and waved. They all chuckled. I started writing on my board,

‘Where is my bike?

Where is my phone?’

 I turned it to them, they read it. “I have your phone, here.” Liz said, pulling it out of her purse and setting it on the tray in front of me.

 “You bike was totaled Em. We took pictures, but the insurance agencies are going to get you a new one. The guy that hit you is being sued.” James replied.

 I picked up my phone and opened the messages, clicked on ‘J’

 There was a bunch of messages, my brow was knitted. Liz came closer, “oh, he texted you a day after the show. I messaged him back told him what happened, we are supposed to tell him you are awake. Do you want me to message him?”

 I gave the ASL sign for ‘Yes’

   The next day, the tube was still not out. Apparently, my esophagus was damaged and was still healing. I wasn’t allowed to swallow or talk, which meant the tube stayed. I was resting when I heard movement in the room.

 “No, I don’t wanna wake her. You guys go ahead we are just going to have a seat and wait for her to wake up.” A man said.

 I knew that voice, I inhaled, and opened my eyes as I felt a hand brush my face. There he was on my right side, Jared. I smiled. I probably looked awful. I squeezed my eyes together as tears fell. “Shh, you’re okay.” He said. I looked up there was Shannon on my left. I tried to smile. But more tears came. I was fighting the blanket, I was to hug them. But my hands were pinned again. Jared saw me trying to move, that’s when he and Shannon moved the blanket and saw that I was restrained.

 “What the hell?” Jared looked at me. I moved my hand enough to motion at the tube. That’s when my friends returned. Jared looked over at Jessica and asked, “Why the hell is she restrained?”

 “They are afraid that she is going to pull the tube out.” She replied.

 “I’ll be right back.” Jared said. He squeezed my hand and left, Shannon in his wake.

 I motioned to my board, ‘What the hell are they doing here?’

 Liz and Jessica chuckled. “They were worried.” Jessica replied

 ‘I look like hell. I need a shower. I feel gross. Can I get a washcloth or get a bath or something?’

 Jared and Shannon returned, Jessica took the board and whispered, “I’ll ask the nurse okay?”

 “Ask me what?” Kelly reappeared. Jessica showed her the board. “Ah okay, I’ll be right back.”

 When she returned she had a bucket of supplies. Jessica cleared her throat, “Okay everyone let’s leave them to it.”

 Liz stuck her head through the curtain, and asked, “you decent?” I nodded. Everyone re-entered, Jared and Shannon came in last. Jared looked at me, I smiled slightly, and showed him that my wrists were free. He smiled.

 “Feel better?” Shannon asked.

 I blinked once. “That means yes.” Liz said.

 Jessica handed me my board, ‘Anyone know when I can leave?’

 Jared chuckled, and replied, “One step at a time, let’s get the tube out first.”

    The next morning, I awoke to Jared curled up on my bed with his head on my chest. He smelled amazing and he was so warm. Shannon was in the window. I smiled. As soon as I smiled, I knew something was off. My throat was constricting, my body was trying to cough. I started shifting. Jared and Shannon both woke immediately. “What’s wrong Em?” Jared asked. The machines started going off.

 Kelly came in, “It’s okay, your body is telling us it’s ready to have the tube removed. Just hang on okay, Dr. Christian is on his way.” She was holding my left hand, Jared had my right.

 I was scared, and tears were spilling over. The tape that was around my mouth was starting to pull. Dr. Christian started giving orders before he entered the room. “Mr. Leto and Mr. Leto, can you please wait in the hall?”

 My eyes grew wide, I gripped Jared arm tighter, “No, we aren’t leaving her.” Jared said, and Shannon moved closer and place his hand on my shoulder.

 Fine, but this isn’t going to be pretty. Please put these masks on.” Dr. Christian said, handing them the masks.

 The tube was removed, I could taste blood. My throat felt like it was on fire and my voice was hoarse.

 A week later, there was a problem with my release. I had nowhere to go. I was in a wheelchair and Jared, Shannon, and my mom were discussing options.

 “All of her stuff is already in L.A.” my mother said.

 “Then we will take her down there.” Jared said

 “She can’t be left alone, and she doesn’t know anyone down there.” Mom said.

 “She has me and Shannon, and I never said she was going to her apartment.” Jared said, and looked at me.

 He crouched in front of me, “Emma, you are going to come stay with me okay?”

 “ok.” I said quietly. “I just want to get out of here.”

 “I know. We are going to a hotel and tomorrow we are going to get on a private jet and fly to L.A.” Shannon said, as Jared signed my paperwork.

 My mother, come over to me and asked, “Are you sure you are okay with this? I can talk to your father.”

 I smiled weakly, “This isn’t home anymore Mom. I’ll be safe.”

 She kissed, my forehead as Jared came back over, she looked him dead in the face and said, “You better take amazing care of my daughter. You saved her life once, you better do it again.”

 “I promise.” My mother left.

 Jared was crouching again, “Here, it’s cold outside. He was tucking a hoodie in my lap. I looked down and there were the words ‘Leto Crew’

 I looked up, Shannon was now crouching in front of me too.

 Finally, Jared said, “Let’s go home.”

[gaiatheorist]

Guns.

Hello, I’m mentally unstable, and I have access to a gun. Don’t hit the panic button, my ‘condition’, whatever it is, is broadly manageable, and I’m in the UK, we don’t have assault rifles. (I have fired an assault rifle, it was an SA-80, on a school trip to Strensall army barracks.) I genuinely don’t know the make or model of ‘my’ air rifle, I haven’t touched it in years, I doubt I’d be able to load it now, with the hand-thing, and the eyes-thing. I’d consider selling it, to buy more beans, but I don’t really know the legalities of selling-on an air rifle. It was bought second-hand, I think the ex paid about £100 for it, from some bloke who knew some other bloke on the allotments. Always the status-things with him, one birthday, he bought me night-sights for it “So we can stay on the allotment later, you won’t have to pack up when it gets dark.” Who says romance is dead, when the man in your life buys you a gadget so you can stand for even longer in a freezing cold mud-bath, shooting rats? The sights/scope/whatever never came out of the box, my fingers aren’t particularly obedient at the best of times, fiddling tiny metal pellets into the slide-thingy of the rifle in the cold, and the dark was never going to happen. We’ll file that one under ‘I married a gibbon.’

It’s the ‘status’ thing that’s really messing with my head. The gibbon started off with someone else’s old air rifle, then upgraded to a ludicrously expensive one, and added all the gadgets, so he could pretend to be GI Joe. Watching someone else shoot rats isn’t really much of a hobby, and the kid and I would be repeatedly ‘shushed’, and told to keep still. It’s genuinely a miracle that he never shot the dog, because the dog didn’t keep quiet or still, the dog chased rats, and barked at fence-posts. The dog is an idiot, but he did kill a lot of rats. Eventually realising that the kid and I were bored senseless standing still, and being quiet, GI Gibbon, complete with his red headlight (rats can’t see red light, apparently, I don’t know whether that’s true?) decided we should ALL shoot rats. (Poison was iffy, with the idiot-dog, and free-ranging hens, ducks, and geese, we did set traps, but one trap only kills one rat, and it’s pretty grim emptying the trap the following day, when the other rats have eaten the trapped rat, leaving a weird rat-suit in the trap.)

Splendid, a ‘family hobby’, except it wasn’t, it was pest control, we were spending upwards of £20 a week on bird-food, and, even with enclosed feeders, the rats were still swarming in for the spillage. Some nights there was a veritable carpet-of-rats, it’s a good thing I’m not squeamish. (I’m actually less squeamish than the gibbon, I’d batter a rat to death with anything that came to hand, he preferred the clean-distance of the rifles.) Every single evening, for a fair few years. In from work, check whether the kid has any homework, buzz around the house tidying up and making dinner, eat dinner, clean up after dinner while the gibbon ‘relaxes’ on the sofa, and then out to the mud-bath to collect eggs, and shoot rats. That’s why we had guns. (I did once earn massive kudos from a gang of ne’er-do-wells on the next allotment, I’d rolled and lit a cigarette, nonchalantly shot a rat clean through the eye-socket, flicked the dead rat over the fence with some old barbecue tongs, paused for a drag on the cigarette, and then re-loaded. NOBODY is used to women-like-me.) 

Shooting rats is boring, you’d manage to pick off a couple, and then the rest would smell the fear-blood, and bugger off to raid an allotment where people weren’t shooting at them. The gibbon actually wanted to build a gun-tower, and do overnight rat-shooting. No, thank you, see previous point, once the rats can smell the death, it doesn’t matter how much food is spilled, or how many fancy gadgets you have on your rifle, they’re not going to come back until the blood of their former comrade cools down, and stops smelling of “Oh, shit, I’m dead.” (Once it cools, they think it’s food, they’re opportunistic scavengers.) I was an OK shot, I hit more than I missed, and I ALWAYS hit the head, there’s nothing quite like a squealing gut-shot rat dragging entrails all over the place, while you try to stop your idiot-dog making it into an intestines-and-fur jigsaw. 

(Oh dear, I’ve just remembered ‘pancake rat.’ The kid had shot a rat, in the head, as I’d taught him, and, when he approached the mostly-dead rodent, I assumed he was going to throw it over the fence. The allotment backed onto a farmer’s field, and the ditch between the allotment fences and the field was our only ‘security’ against the regular break-ins. We had 8ft chicken-wire fences, with barbed wire on top on all sides, realistically, all the smack-heads would have needed was wire-cutters, and a bit of patience, but smack-heads don’t think straight, on more than one occasion they’d spent time breaking through the heavily fortified gate, when the chicken-wire at the side of it would have gone through with a couple of good kicks. The open field was a weak-point security-wise, even before the reprobates managed to get themselves trapped in a fenced-in area with three geese. It appeared to be accepted practice on the allotments to throw ‘stuff’ in the metre-gap between the back fences and the ditch, to act as obstacles for thieves. ‘Stuff’ included broken glass, rusty barbed wire, anything broken, bagged-up dog-shit, and dead rats. The kid didn’t pick up the rat and throw it over the fence, he re-loaded, and shot it again. I assumed he’d aimed badly the first time, and was finishing off the job. Then he re-loaded, and shot it again. He was literally on top of the rat, he couldn’t miss from that range, so I approached, to see what he was up to.

“Have you killed it?”

“Yes, but I didn’t think it had quite enough holes in its face, so I added some more, for ventilation.”

“Right, you know we pay for the pellets, don’t you?”

“Yes. Do you think it’s dead enough now?”

I crushed the rat’s skull under the heel of my boot.

“It is, it’s flat.”

The gibbon couldn’t stand to feel left out of anything, and came over, to see what we were doing.

“Have you killed one, son? Well done!”

“Yes, I shot it, and then I decided it wasn’t holey enough, then Mum made a pancake-rat.”

I wonder how many years he’ll spend in therapy for that?)

So, we had a rifle each, for vermin control. The crossbows weren’t vermin control, they were part of the ex’s ‘Apocalypse prep’ paranoia, and I wanted nothing to do with them. I suppose he’ll be sorted if we do end up with a ‘Mad Max’ Brexit, they’re no good to me, I can’t load them. I don’t know what sort of ID he had to provide to buy crossbows, that’s really quite worrying, because he doesn’t really HAVE any ID, he bought the big crossbow before photo driving licences, and I think he ordered the ‘compact’ one online. That’s more than ‘quite worrying’, it’s terrifying, he’s generally inept, but not ‘really’ dangerous, and he could just stroll into a sporting-goods shop somewhere, and come out with a crossbow.

What I’m waffling around the edges of here is that once he had ‘a gun’, he wanted a ‘better’ gun, and when he had the ‘better’ gun, he spent an awful lot of time researching the various ways to have that gun made more powerful. He wanted me to have my rifle ‘tuned’ or ‘gassed’, or whatever it was, to make it more powerful, I refused, because all I needed the rifle to be able to do was penetrate rat-skull quickly and cleanly. There aren’t that many guns knocking about in the UK, and, as far as I am aware, there is stringent licencing and regulation around ‘real’ guns, as opposed to piffly air-rifles like mine. I remember the ex, and the old next-door neighbour chatting shit about paying half each to buy a ‘Rhino Hunter’ crossbow. I’m not going to look up the draw-weight or any other statistics for it, I’m probably on enough lists as it is. ‘Rhino Hunter.’, we don’t have wild rhinoceros in the UK, aren’t they endangered, anyway? My delusional ex, and the next door neighbour, who was under the care of various psychiatric teams were planning to buy a ludicrously high-powered crossbow. They didn’t, in the end.

There is no reason for a person living in Yorkshire to have a crossbow that may or may not be capable of taking down a rhino. To my mind, there’s no reason for citizens of the USA to own machine guns. Contentious? I don’t think so, I can’t think of any real-life situation where an automatic, or semi-automatic weapon is ‘needed.’  A teenage girl caught the world’s attention,  Emma Gonzales, pointing out links between the president, and the National Rifle Association, then the ‘official’ response being “Let’s not be too hasty!”, before blaming ‘the mental’, not the fact that anyone over the age of 18 can go out and buy a machine gun. (There may be caveats to that, I don’t know much about US gun-law.) 

The issue for me, about the particular kind of mentally disturbed individual who would choose to open fire in a school is that most of them don’t walk around with a big placard stating “I am mentally disturbed, and I’m going to murder people.” With this one, there were notes of concern, that weren’t investigated thoroughly, but, for every potential murderer with ‘flags’, there will be many more undetected. The ones that ‘just snapped’, the ones that took great pains to conceal their intent and plans, the ones that the neighbours say ‘seemed so normal.’ The issue isn’t all about the mental illness, there are millions of people, all around the world, with varying degrees of different kinds of mental illness, the distinction between US gun-mentality and the rest of the world is the issue, not the individual’s mental state. (Side-line, but I read a news article this morning about a UK Member of Parliament being the victim of a street robbery. The weapon? A carton of milk. I’m sure it was distressing and painful to be attacked with a carton of milk, but it’s not a gun, is it?) “The guns are not the problem!” “It is our right to bear arms!” “Prise it from my cold, dead fingers!” etc. The guns, in my opinion, are the problem.

The UK is very different to the USA on many levels. We don’t keep guns in our bedside tables or handbags ‘just in case’. That would be against the law, several laws, actually. We don’t carry anything that could be construed as an offensive weapon. (Pretty much anything can be an offensive weapon, depending on intent, and manner of use, the kid and I used to play ‘How would you kill a zombie with that?’, there is very little in this room that I couldn’t use to disable/disarm an assailant, but I’m not likely to be attacked, both of my doors are locked, it’s 5am, pretty much everybody would be too tired to make a very good job of attacking me.) In 1996, the Dunblane primary school shooting led rapidly to an almost-complete ban on the personal ownership of handguns in the mainland UK, we just don’t ‘have’ guns, in general. (Yes, OK, some people DO have guns, but for specific purposes, and stored securely, as well as fewer ‘rampage killings’, we also have fewer toddlers accidentally shooting family members.) 

I don’t agree with the US government’s suggestion that arming teachers, or school staff is the solution. I cannot accept the argument of “The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a gun, is a good guy with a gun.”, if the ‘bad guy’ didn’t have the gun in the first place, there would be no cause to arm the ‘good guy’. (It’s a good thing we don’t ‘have’ guns, UK schools are struggling to afford textbooks and pens, there’s nothing left in the kitty for guns.) How many guns? One in each classroom, because if they’re centrally held somewhere, you’re factoring in a delay? If that scheme went ahead, surely the ‘bad guy’ would kill the teacher/adult first, potentially leaving a gun on the classroom floor? The fact that ‘some’ Americans are comfortable with firearms doesn’t mean that ‘all’ would be, I saw a tweet the other day, where a teacher had said they wouldn’t trust some colleagues to hold their favourite mug, never mind a gun. I’ve worked with people in schools where I’d have to think twice about letting them use one of my better pens, they’re educators, not the SAS/Marines. Putting guns into schools is not a workable solution. The logistics alone would be a nightmare, especially factoring-in that this gunman was a disgruntled former student, I’ve seen my fair share of disgruntled students, they’re bad enough when they’re throwing chairs, I don’t want to think of the potential consequences of them gaining access to a firearm. 

I wasn’t ‘at’ work if or when any ‘incident response’ drills were done, so I didn’t have to deal with traumatised children imagining-the-worst. On ‘my’ school site, I can’t think of a single classroom that didn’t have floor-to-ceiling glass on the corridor-side, and almost all of the classrooms only had one door. Fish in a barrel, it’s a good thing we don’t have guns. It has been heartbreaking to read testimonies from teachers and education support staff all around the world, about ‘drilling’ children, in some cases very young children, on the expected response to an armed intruder. That shouldn’t be ‘expected’, children shouldn’t have to process that, what the USA is doing, in pandering to ‘the right to bear arms’ is normalising in children all around the world that they ‘could’ be shot in their classrooms. That’s profoundly unhealthy, and deeply unbalanced. Nobody, in civilian life, needs an automatic, or semi-automatic weapon, for anything, the vast majority of people don’t need any kind of gun at all. 

In amongst the adults-explaining, and the adults-deflecting-and-denying, we have the nearly-adults. Some of those adolescents have just buried their friends, and they’re still making more sense than a lot of the adults calling them ‘reactive’ or ‘hysterical.’ If the USA doesn’t address the fact that ‘anyone’ can buy and even upgrade an assault-rifle, all they’re likely to see is more blood, more lives needlessly cut short, as more people will decide to ‘fight fire with fire’.  If the government doesn’t step in, and legislate, some people will decide to arm themselves, there will be more accidental shootings, more suicides, and, potentially more ‘rampages’. These bright, brave children are right, the old men in suits are wrong, the world can see that.   

[smengus]

favorite kpop songs of 2017 from a fan who got into kpop the beginning of this year

aye!! 2018 is almost here, and i have been DYING to make a favorite songs/mvs in kpop of this year thing. it has been a fucking ride let me tell you.... first things first, just to celebrate this year and give myself some leeway, there will be 17 songs!! and they are in no particular order!! i am not a favorites person, i have too much love in my pitiful heart.... anyway, lets start!!

17. movie - btob (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42A-rFdralM)     there are many things i love about this song. i got into kpop quite literally the very beginning of this year, and thats wild, but this song was one of the first of many i had heard, and didnt know much about then but love now. i specifically remember going through that one hot 100 kpop song playlist on youtube and finding this one, and instantly love it. its one of the classics of this years, and def opened my mind to a lot more. 

love’s like a movie~

16. really really - winner (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tBnF46ybZk)    ohhhhh my god i could go on and on about this song. out of all the wonderful kpop songs weve been blessed with this year, this is the one that’s consistently stuck, and everyone knows it. its just that song. the music video is gorgeous and diverse but so simplistic with the black and white. dare i say its iconic; all of it.

널 좋아해~

15. rookie/red flavor/peek-a-boo - red velvet (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0h8-OTC38I) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WyiIGEHQP8o) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6uJf2IT2Zh8)    ok, so yall are gonna hate me for literally putting all of their 2017 title tracks but oh my god... every single comeback they had this year was amazing, and id feel like id be playing someone if i just chose one or the other. like most sm groups, its not hard to absolutely love all of their songs. but in terms of aesthetic, sound, and all around look, red velvet killed it this year. so there. hope yall are satisfied with this.

peek a booooo~

14. fine - taeyeon (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHXUM-6a3dU)    to keep this b/b/g/g pattern going, im choosing this one next and dear lord. this is another song id heard in the very beginning, and i was... frankly i was shocked. like, btob was surprising, but it was what i expected it be: boy group, fun, catchy, etc., but with taeyeon... god, her voice and the whole video... i was tearing up, not gonna lie. the lyrics especially got to me. its been in most of my playlists consistently this year, and i cant say the rest of the album isnt a must listen, just a recommendation from me personally.

its not fine~

13. dramarama - monsta x (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1afdZk0qcI)

 ok, i had a hard time on this one. its common knowledge they went through 3 major comebacks this year, all of which were amazing, but originally, beautiful is what stuck with me. i love the heck out of that song. then dramarama dropped a little over a month ago and... lets just say thats what convinced me to finally start stanning them for real. i have a thing for story driven music videos (bonus points if the story is actually mad good), so combine that with the absolutely amazing song and choreography, and you get their best comeback yet. honestly, it was so good, i urge yall to check it out if you havent.

dramama ramama ramama hey~

12. cherry bomb - nct 127 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkuHLzMMTZM)

 this song... THIS SONG... oh my god. i dont have an in depth discussion over the music video or the song or any of it but good lord... if youve heard it you know what im talking about. its another one of THOSE songs. its too bad it was generally slept on, but god... can i add i also love the choreography??? like a lot???? im the biggest hit on this stage~

11. palette - iu (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9IxdwEFk1c)

 yall KNOW i wasnt gonna put this one off any longer. this is also the song that got me to start stanning this wonderful, amazing, beautiful, spectacularly awesome woman. she’s great. and this comeback?? ive easily listened to the whole album about 50+ times. i was going to put ending scene instead since i adore that one too, but this is the one that really stuck out to everyone. aesthetics?? on point. lyrics?? poetic. voice?? like an angel. lmao, i really love iu...

i like it, im 25~

10. as if its your last - blackpink (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Amq-qlqbjYA)

 ok the best part about this one was... since i was a new baby fan, at the time, the only group i really like, stanned, was bts. but i wasnt shut off from the rest of the music community tho, ofc. thats what im truly into kpop for: the music. so duh, i knew about blackpink and their bops (whistle was a personal favorite of mine). but for some reason, over time, they casually just became another group i was into? like, i knew the names, voices, roles, songs, etc.. so when i heard they were having a summer comeback, while i was free from school no less, i was ecstatic. i rewatched the teaser several times, stayed up and hyped with people online. and it finally dropped and instantly became my favorite song by them. its so goooood. my wife lisa, like, yas baby slay that rap while looking cute af. i love it very much, and im sure other blinks do too.

blackpink in your area~

9. dont wanna cry - seventeen (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97cx53Tpp6g)

 yeahhh, im not gonna choose their most recent comeback for this one, sorry guys... its a good song, dont get me wrong but! this one is the one lmao. its so fucking beautiful. when i watched the mv for the first time, i was in awe cause the choreo was so good, and so different from what i had seen before, but it went with the song so well. its a very good listen.

울고 싶지 않아~

8. move - taemin (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcEyUNeZqmY)

 yes. yes. yes. this song??? yes. oh my god. so, this next bit is gonna be a bit sad (to read and to write), but just because an explanation is needed for each of these... im a shawol. i was the second i watched 1 of 1. and god, it still hurts so much to think of what happened? but, this explanation is taemin. so, i was into shinee, period. i knew taemin was a solo artist. i dont know why i wasnt paying close attention to it, but one day move just like, dropped. out of nowhere. and i went ‘where tf...?’ and watched it and OH MY GOD. i cant convey on here well enough, but bitch, i rewatched that shit repeatedly. the song was constantly replayed, and it finally pushed me to take the step and go back and listen to all his other stuff (which i love). its just so... androgynous and he dont give a flying fuck how he looks, dances, or sounds, and i adore it. definitely another THAT song of this year, dear lord.

youve got got the rhythm~

7. 1+1=0 - suran (ft. dean) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YA6G74gk6R8)

 ok, i was torn over this one. i bet everyone and their mother knows her for her “collab” with my boy suga, if i get drunk today. and YES!! THAT IS AN AMAZING SONG AND IM STILL SO PROUD OF BOTH OF THEM. but bitch, this had dropped sometime whenever, idk when since i dont stan and her, and i saw it on youtube and thought  ‘shes the suga girl, i wonder if thisll be good’. i was so surprised when i listened to it. the music video?? snatched. the song?? snatched. wig?? bitch its gone. lets just say, first listen, i had already loved it way more than the song i originally knew her by. 

1 plus 1은 0~

6. ddd - exid (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axVvZrDz60k)

 i put this one off long enough too. and this is obviously a very split opinion. they also dropped night rather than day which i am also 100% over the moon for. but god, i love sexy exid. and that is exactly what this comeback was. sexy, powerful, and aesthetically catchy as hell. (btw, exid is another group i actually stan, so i had been anticipating this one; i watched it while i was at school dusbgukg). so sad solji couldnt physically make it this comeback, but she was in the album, and that was enough for us. still wishing her the best recovery!

덜덜덜덜~

5. dont recall - kard (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41Dp7Q-SM1Y)

 oh kard. the group that had millions of fans before they even debuted... they gave us many tasty treats this year, all of which were total bops, but dont recall... bruh, its just stuck with me. i still know all the others, but when i think kard i immdiately think the of the legendary beat drop tied with the beautiful mv of dont recall. also another THAT song, no doubt. sorry i dont have much for this one, i dont know much about kard, but this song has personally been a go to of mine for the past many months. 

그만해 i dont recall~

4. ko ko bop - exo (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdssuxDdqKk)

 lmao, you will not catch me in a 10 mile radius even THINKING about power. i drink to forget. its cute and all but... mmmm.... ANYWAY. im gonna be totally honest, i really love their 2016 year in terms of music more than i did this one (lotto, lucky one, monster, etc., etc., etc.,) BUT! out of the comebacks they had this year, i am 100% 10x more into ko ko bop. not gonna lie, i didnt dig it at first listen. but a little later, i tried it again and... hooo boy, what a good song. i dont know anything knowledge based about music or music production, but i know that ko ko bop is a good song. very good.

shimmy shimmy ko ko bop~

3. gashina - sunmi (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ur0hCdne2-s)

 ok. OK! so... yall gonna hate me, but i intentionally put off listening to this for the longest time. why?? i have no clue, its a great song. but i did. so by the time mama 2017 (IK THAT LATE) came around and i found out my boy taemin would be doing a collab stage with sunmi i was like... ‘ok i need to know who this girl is...’ i FINALLY sat my butt down and watched it and BITCH. okokokok, scroll back up, skim that taemin one, and imagine all those feelings, except like, gay. like, instead of thinking it was inspiring, i was just thirsting and being absolutely in love because holy shit everything about the song and the video are perfect????? THE LYRICS THOUGH TOO??? absolute women power i was 100% there for jesus christ.  왜 예쁜 날 두고 가시나~ 2. snow - zion.t (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiGSDywrX1Y)    this song made me cry :( straight up, when i first watched it, i cried so much. it got even worse the second go round when i knew the lyrics. its so.... beautiful. im a big fan of zion.t as well, so this was no disappoint for me. i luv it... and fun fact, its my favorite music video ever, kpop or not. im very into cinematography and photography so it was such a treat to watch it. youd have to watch it for yourself to know what i was talking about. 

눈이 올까요~

1. anything from bts this year (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBdVXkSdhwU << this is dna just cause i dont wanna post 3 songs lol)

 yall honest to god probably hate me. ‘we just read this whole list to get a biased, lazy ass answer?!?!’ but hear me out... lmao thats all i got. bts is my ult group, but ult group or not, every single thing they dropped this year was spectacular. truly honest to god, its probably been their best year yet. jk, idk about that, 2015 and 2016 were pretty good. BUT STILL. spring day, not today, dna (lots of ayes), ALL OF IT SO FUCKING GOOD. gosh, i love them...

 dna~

well, thats all of them! keep in mind, this is a personal opinion thing, and there many, many, MANY songs of this year i loved, but this is a list and its gotta end somewhere, so i chose the ones that really stood out to ME. this was probably a waste of time, and bet this gets no notes, but in my heart, it was worth it. i love writing and ranting out my thoughts. this was my first year in kpop, and while yes, there were a few devastating and heart breaking moments that im still not fine about, it was good. my friends are gonna hate me, but this is just one of many years to come of me being into this shit. hope next year delivers as good as this one did. happy new years kpop fans!