#id like to dedicate this to my best friend in high school who sent me a lot of emo + pop punk. this would not be possible without you

[ladybeug]

I don't know either. but it's all bangers so lets just have some fun here

[normal-thoughts-official]

Makoto plot line by Lêx?

thank you for this totally 100% spontaneous ask that you sent of your own free will, anon!

okay, so here's the thing. i dont like makoto. not really. he's annoying af and basically useless. bitch does nothing but hide behind haru cuz he's scared of everything and be blushy and soft in that spineless way, you know? like he just lets everyone push him around and treats everyone in such an unfuriatingly uniform, fake-cheery, ultra helpful way that it's his whole personality

but here's the thing! it gets sad. you know? especially considering how he, like, seems to basically live to enable haru? in all the worst ways. like it's nice of course that he helps haru with his depression but there's a point when it becomes enabling and that point is when makoto is running after haru all the time trying to solve his messes, remind him of his own damn responsibilities, and basically take care of haru's whole life so he doesn't have to. again, helping is good, but by worrying about the things haru doesn't worry about and preventing him from facing the consequences of not doing anything basically lmao he enables haru to never fucking get out of his constant stupor. also, as previously said, he's spineless, which means that he never truly goes against haru's wishes. so like. enabler. bad

which is my main beef with makoharu, which is actually the most popular ship in the fandom because ppl have no taste and also dont know how to interpret shit. tho tbh even makoharu shippers are like "i ship makoharu because makoto deserves to be happy and he wants haru!" so even they acknowledge that.... haru isn't into him lmao. but anyway

point is: they pull each other back. im not gonna say it's abusive or something cuz i don't think it is, i wouldn't even call it toxic, but it's stale in the worst kind of way. makoto enables not only haruka's depression, but also his self destructive and to some extent relationships destructive behavior, setting his growth back. and makoto lives and exists to take care of haru. he has no dreams, no goals, hell, not even INTERESTS. his whole thing is just. haru. where haru goes, he follows. and. that's it basically

which is why the fact that so many makoto stans ship makoharu is also baffling to me, because if i were a makoto fan, i'd probably hate haru, lmao. i mean, makoto is going around doing all this work for him, plus emotional labor, and haru never gives him much back really. and it's obvious that haru doesn't like makoto the same way makoto likes him, but makoto is just out there taking whatever scraps he can get, and haru just sort of. probably doesn't even notice cuz that's been their dynamic since they were kids. and makoto knows that, too. so like. if i stanned makoto. id fucking hate haru for that tbh

and honestly it's bad writing because i think the writers couldn't care less about makoto lmao and also didn't know what to do with him, which i think becomes increasingly obvious as seasons go by and he's just sort of. there. they tried to give him his own plotlines and even dreams but it never stuck. he feels like a doll most of the time. even in s1, which was widely rinharu-focused and barely had any other characters have real plotlines unless you count the one (1) episode where they try to teach rei how to swim, makoto was particularly uninteresting and underexplored and developed. like, the other characters might not have had huge importance but at least they had personalities. makoto didn't, really, unless you count "mama henning haru" and "being uwu" as a personality

but my point is: what if makoto got some real writing? what if we explored his character, and his relationship with haru, in a more critical, dimensional way?

makoto is in love with haru, i think that's indisputable. haru isn't in love with makoto, which i also think is indisputable. makoto himself knows that what haru has with rin is special and beyond what makoto and haru have, he says that, he even says that he was jealous of rin. yet he stays. even when rin comes back, and haru and rin become friends again, and it's obvious they're going to be together, makoto stays. he takes care of haru, which is some pretty damn stressful work, and does all this emotional labor for him, and haru barely gives him, like, a smile every once in a while, lmao, and again it's sad. but makoto stays. and - that's an important part to me - it doesn't seem to be because he has any hopes that haru will come around. so why

i think they're stuck in a loop, and that makoto has been in love with haru, and being not only his emotional support, but basically the one thread connecting him with the outside world (while simultaneously enabling him to continue as detached from it as he can, because he's not bringing haru out to the world, he's bringing the world to accommodate haru) for so long, he doesn't really know what else to do. also, he feels guilty about leaving haru to his own devices, even if obviously there's nothing he can do if haru won't help himself. also, he's scared of losing him, because he's been defining himself for his relationship with haru for so long, he doesn't know where else to go

i think that's supported by his relationship with other characters. like i said, makoto is annoyingly kind to everyone (if im not mistaken, the name makoto actually does mean kind) and a MASSIVE pushover. he never goes against anyone's wishes. he never really throws in what he wants. he doesn't really interfere with anyone's plans and ideas, he just sorta makes it happen. he is never annoyed, never has any quirks, is never even like, tired, you know? he lives to please other people, to the point where he has no personality, interests, or wishes beyond that

so, yeah: i think makoto is scared that, if he doesn't please other people, there's nothing else left for him. and in a way, he is right, because i don't think he would know what to do with himself if he had to look into himself and figure out what he wants out of life. so it's easier to follow others and dedicate himself to them. also, fear of loneliness is very valid, even if i dont think any of his friends would actually leave him if he weren't being their damn mom all the time. but they also let it happen, especially haru, because it's convenient, and again, homeboy barely has the energy to go to school, much less help makoto unpack all of that

but if i were writing free!, id want to explore that, because it has so much potential to be a pretty damn rich story, actually. especially as the story progresses, because one effect of rin being back and haru running the whole swimming club and trying to prepare for their race is that haru needs makoto less and less as time goes by. because he has a motivation. he cares about his grades because if he doesn't keep them up he won't be allowed to keep working in the swimming club, he cares about teaching the newbie (the rei i mentioned before) how to swim because otherwise they won't be able to run against rin in the medley race, hell, he reforms the whole entire pool that was abandoned so they have a place to train (with help, but like, he couldnt be bothered with getting up to school before). he even goes back to drawing so he can make pamphlets to attract more people to the club

and then he finds his love for swimming again, especially as a team, competitively. he finds his love for people again, for human interaction, for competition and the thrill of the sport he loves. haru finds his motivation, and he starts putting his life back on track and working towards his goals, and haru is damn capable. and that means that makoto has a lot of free time in his hands now, and haru is slipping through them, and he knows he can't really keep their relationship as he was. and he shouldn't, honestly, and i think that he's, at least, smart enough to know this

and he has a crisis, because again, he's been defining himself through haru for the longest goddamn time, im talking all the way from middle to high school here. and he doesn't know who he is. he doesn't know what he wants. he barely knows what he likes

but he's not alone either, because again, makoto is haru's best friend, and haru does like him and it's not like he's all "i found my purpose with rin now. peace out". his journey was also about finding his whole support system with his friends. through relearning how to swim in a team, he also relearned human connection and friendship. that's one of the many beauties of rinharu. they inspired each other to make their lives better, including in ways that have nothing to do with each other, and they weren't even trying to

so he has haru, but in a now radically different dynamic, and also rei and nagisa (his teammates) and gou (rin's sister and also their trainer) (rin and gou don't go to the same school for some reason). and everyone is going through a similar crisis, because it's the last year of high school. rin obviously has known that he wants to be an athlete since he was a kid, but everyone else's plans are kinda sketchy. makoto just happens to have some extra flavor in that mission - he's not just trying to figure out what he wants to do, but who he is

and fuck if i know how that would develop from there, but id really love to see makoto finding himself, honestly. i want to see his issues being addressed. the only backstory we have for him is that he's afraid of the ocean because he almost drowned at some point? i dont remember. i want to know why the fuck he's been repressing his own needs and personality so hard. i want to know what had him so scared of the world that it was easier to forget about himself and basically live through haru. i want to know what he's going to do to find himself, and the very, very painful journey of looking at himself and his own needs, and, in many ways, his own emptiness, because makoto essentially carved himself hollow. i want makoto to have dimension and depth, and be relatable and not just a dumb shell of uwuness for ppl to swoon over and want to protecc, not even because i like him, but because it could be so interesting. and relatable in so many ways. like, god damn it. if you wanna make him one of the main characters, give him a real plotline!

and i want to see him finding out that his life is better when he's a little more detached from haru and not living in an endless pursuit of a relationship, but having a network of people he loves and that has mutual support. i want to see him getting over haru, not so he can have some other romance with someone else, but so he can grow. makoto basically doesn't grow at all the whole show, and it's sad to watch, especially as everyone else grows so much

[themarvelousnouveau]

Pride, Questioning, Gay, Pan, Trans, Queer and HERE.

This is my, I never came out story.

If you don’t know me already, my name is Kalae “Nouveau” Hassel. I was born and raised in New York City and now I’d like to think of myself as a resident of the world… which is a fancy way to say I’m homeless and crashing at my sister’s house in the SW until I figure out what’s next for me in my life.

I sit here, in my new surroundings, hot, just thinking about the desert scrub around me and the dry 100 degree day we just had while I stared at my feed into a wet, sea of New Yorkers flooding the streets in rainbow. Vaxed? Who knows, waxed? Most definitely. Dancing, partying, celebrating while I die a slow FOMO ridden death. Okay, maybe just an orgasm (did you know orgasm means tiny death?). But I began thinking about my Pride story and queer journey to the proud Double Spirited, Pansexual I am today! So I figured I’d share bits of that journey, along with some images I’ve created for Pride as part of a Prompt from the very talented MUA Delvon Paris (@DelvonParis). He asked a group of MUA’s to all represent a Pride Flag and I was assigned the gorgeous Transgender Flag.

I hope you enjoy my story, my art and at the end, a brief history of the Transgender Flag and what It means to me. I hope that none of this is triggering to anyone, but alas, this sort of stuff usually is so bear with me and remember this is a safe space and I send everything with LOVE unless otherwise noted.

I started going to Pride in High School. I remember hopping over the metal gates they put up in NYC parades so we don’t bum rush the floats. I would wear high heels and I already have the long, thick, legs of a plus-size tarantula. So, Id just step over, casually, and join in on the fun walking for a mile or two before my heels became more of a hindrance than the fierce spectacle they started the day as. I remember being mistaken for man in Drag too many times to count. Getting glitter and sweat in my eyes, dancing and celebrating queerness at that age was a FANTASY. I didn’t know about Stonewall, or Gay rights, or Queer struggles. I just new Drag Queens and my gay friends and my non binary friends. I often wonder if my deep love for the culture and my allyship at that young of an age was really me resonating with the queer girl I would grow up to be. I mean, I was always different, but I didn’t come to terms with my Gay side until a decade later.

See, I was raised homophobic. Unfortunately many of us do and it not out of the ordinary. I come from a religious Caribbean background. There’s Soca music about murdering Gay people. I mean it’s etched in the culture. It’s not okay, by any means, but It was all I knew. One day, my best friend asked me and our other best friend (yes, we were a thruple) to come over to her place because she wanted to talk to us. Little did I know, there would end up being two coming out stories in a row, leaving me shaking and crying at a table with my two incredibly articulate, intellectual, hilarious, beautiful, vivacious and now I know, Bi-sexual, besties.

I didn’t cry because they had changed to me, I didn’t think all of a sudden, oh these are “bad people” or “they’re going to hell” No, nothing of the sort. I cried because my mother, my community, my culture LIED TO ME. I shook because the foundation I stood upon was rocked to the core. I loved my besties, probably more that moment and thats the moment I fell in love with this community. Because they were my people. Queer people were my people before I knew I was Queer. So I became a dedicated ally.

It would be years of gay clubs and Prides and soul searching before I finally went out with a woman. I made out with girls my whole life and it never occurred to me that it was “gay.” This is the conditioning, this is the heteronormative, patriarchal system that has me and so many of us blind to the truths of our nature. I have always been attracted to women, but I wouldn’t allow myself the space to be GAY. With all my allyship I still couldn’t peel back the layers and liberate myself. So when I finally did, It wasn’t a moment. It was a series of moments that lead to many colorful relationships and as I grew, the people around me would just notice and some would ask questions but for the most part I think a lot of them were just like, “Well, thats Kalae, KALAEing” and as much as I appreciate that my fluidity is acceptable in a way thats clearly a privilege, I still never really had to/got to come out. I was just here, still. Was I ever in the closet? Am I out the closet now? Maybe I was just straddling the doorway. Maybe I was in the closet but no one new I was in the closet because they could already see my clothes, nah mean?

ANY WHO, I’m here, I’m Queer, and I miss New York Pride, and here’s some info on the Transgender Flag if you didn’t already know it;

The Trans Flag was created by Transgender woman Monica Helm in 1999. She debuted the flag in 2000 at PRIDE in Phoenix, Arizona! The Flag consists of five horizontal stripes and in Monica’s words,  "The stripes at the top and bottom are light blue, the traditional color for baby boys. The stripes next to them are pink, the traditional color for baby girls. The stripe in the middle is white, for those who are transitioning or consider themselves having a neutral or undefined gender." For me, as a double spirited human, with her/she pronouns (like the chocolate) all three colors resonate. In my imagery there are three humans in the womb, emerging inside of a pre slated destiny. The ability to accept, change, destroy is in their eyes and at their fingertips. Only time will tell where their journey will lead. I did my best to represent the colors as Monica stated but I don’t believe in gendered roles, traits, etc based on assigned at birth sex. So, take what you will from this flag and my artistic depiction of it. Make sure to visit my Instagram page to see all the amazing depictions of the other Pride Flags! (@TheMarvelousNouveau) All made and sent with LOVE.

Exoh Kalae

[ikenbar]

Mr. Love: Ike’s Choice CH5 PT2

Warnings: Some swearing but like Ike is having a hard day so give her a break, talk of strippers and bikinis but it is literally just talk, some angst, the tiniest pinch of fluff, anger, hate, disputes between sisters, near death experiences and cLiFfHaNgErS!!!! :D

Also! This part is dedicated to one of my favorite teachers ever. Hats off to you Senior Olson... you got featured in a fanfiction... I know this must be the most riveting part of your entire teaching career...

(Chapter Five (Kiro and Youran) Prologue and part one can be found here~)

((Please read the author’s note (and the beginning of the story) on chapter one part one if you’re new here :D))

Chapter Five:

Part two:

I ran up the steps to the school in aggravation. My driver and I had been sitting in traffic for twenty minutes, killing all my time and patience slowly and painfully. I threw open the doors to the school and immediately locked eyes with Adri, who was slouching in one of the chairs just outside of Mr. Olson’s office. She sat up quickly in her chair.

“Oh thank goodness they called you!” She smiled, “I was afraid they’d call-”

“Zip it!” I snapped, taking Adri aback, “Need I remind you that you’ve been suspended?! Just because Bart or Maria didn’t pick you up, doesn't mean you have gotten off scot-free, lady.” Adri’s once excited face grew pale. Someone opened the door to the principal's office. 

Out stepped a tall man in his late sixties. With his back arched and his cane in his hand, he walked with a limp that screamed intimidation. His hair was receding and graying but most of the grey was centered on the bushy beard he brandished like a Norse god. Mr. Olson was a man that showed his years, but his eyes were still lit with the same fire that his younger self held. Even if they were hidden behind his thick, oval glasses.

“I thought I heard you out here.” Mr. Olson smiled at me, “It’s good to see you again Ike.”

“Sir.” Though I spoke impatiently, I still bowed with respect, “Listen, I would love to sit and talk but I’m running late for a shoot for a show. Is there any way we can speed this up?”

“Oof.” Mr. Olson chuckled and turned to Adri, “You chose the wrong day to be suspended.” Mr. Olson looked back at me and gestured into his office, “I just need you to sign some papers for me. Then I can send you on your merry way.” I nodded and followed him into the office, grabbing Adri and pulling her by the collar to follow us. I was handed a small packet of paper by a smiling receptionist as Mr. Olson pulled Adri aside.

My phone buzzed from my pocket. Without looking at the ID, I answered.

 “Speaking.”

“I have a bone to pick with you.” 

It was Bart.

“What?” I moaned as I flipped through the pages of the packet.

“You know the filming studio we rented for the day?”

“Yeah?”

“Why didn’t you tell me we had changed the location?”

I froze. 

“...what?” I asked through clenched teeth.

“The studio stopped me from going in and said we didn’t have the studio today! Then, when I told him who I was, he told me that we had cancelled our time there! I called the crew and they told me that they got an email that we had changed to a different location! So now, I look like a fool! Why didn’t you tell me we switched studios!?”

“Because I didn’t!” I signed the papers quickly and handed the receptionist the packet, “I have no recollection about sending an email! What studio do we have now?”

“The FASL Studio. On the other side of town. It’s a good thing I decided to come early! The donuts ended up being cold though.”

“OTHER SIDE OF TOWN?!” I roared, despite my calm surroundings, “I’m at the school! I’m going to be late!”

“The school?” Bart asked, suddenly sounding worried, “Why? What happened?!”

“Your new daughter reenacted a scene from a 80s highschool sitcom.” I huffed, holding the bridge of my nose, “Does the cast know about the change?”

“Yeah. They are already here. What do you mean by-”

“I’ll tell you when I get there. I gotta go. Bye.” I quickly hung up and grabbed Adri’s arm. “Sorry, Sir.” I said hurriedly. “I gotta go. I’ll be sure to make sure Adri is doing her work and feeling guilty about what she has done. Goodbye.” I hurried out of the principal’s office. 

>

Mr Olson shook his head as the girls left. “Still the same Ike.” He said, turning back into his office.

>

I pulled Adri into the car and gave the driver the new address of the studio. “And try to find a way around that traffic.” I huffed, “I’m going to be late as it is.”

“I’m not going home?” Adri asked, stupidly.

“No.” I kept my eyes glued on my phone as I pulled up my email, “We are going to the studio. But you aren’t going to be doing anything but work. Did Mr. Olson give you a packet to work on?”

“Yeah.” Adri hesitated, showing me the large packet in her hand, “It’s just busy work. They don’t even grade me for it.”

“I don’t care.” I stretched my jaw, “You’re doing it.” Adri opened her mouth to protest but closed it as I cursed. In my sent emails was the email Bart was talking about. It talked about moving locations for the day and how I was sorry for the inconvenience it might bring. 

Except I didn’t write it. 

I would have called Bart to tell him. I would have even told the crew in person if I had the chance. 

There was no way I had sent that email. 

I scrolled down to look at the email's information. 

But before I could read it, my phone screen glitched. I growled and hit it. A high pitched noise radiated from my speakers, causing me to yelp and hold the phone away from me as Adri covered her ears.

“Turn it off!!” She called.

“I don’t know how!!” I screamed, jamming the volume down button on the side of the phone. The ringing stopped and the phone’s screen turned white. A cursive black text gradually appeared on the screen.

“Brought to you by your friend, Key”

 Then, the screen went black. Adri and I stared at the phone, trying to process what had just happened. I tried turning the phone back on. 

Nothing. 

I tried holding the power button down.

 Still nothing.

“Oh come ON!” I boomed, pressing the button repeatedly, “You’ve got to be kidding me. I’ve only had this phone for a week! Victor told me it was the best they had! What the hell?!” I growled and threw my phone into my lap. I rested my elbows on my knees and threw my head in my hands. An awkward silence washed over the car.

“... would it help if I said I feel really bad for what I did?” Adri asked timidly.

>>>

I pulled Adri by the wrist as I ran into the studio. We were only a few minutes late thanks to a shortcut past the traffic but I wasn’t taking any chances. I flashed the guard my id card and pushed open the door. People were bustling around the large studio carrying various tools, set pieces, and props. I pushed through the crowd and searched the faces. I spotted Bart speaking to someone by the snack table. He was a young man with beautiful blonde hair, piercing blue eyes, and a stunning smile.

“Ho thank goodness.” I breathed deeply, “Kiro made it.”

“WHAT!?!” Adri exclaimed from next to me, “KIRO’S-” I tugged at her wrist, quieting her. 

“No.” I hissed, “Not for children who don’t respect the few who don’t get paid nearly enough to deal with their bull.” I flagged down a crew member, “Excuse me. Where are the dressing rooms?” The employee gestured to a wall with multiple doors on it. I thanked him and pulled Adri with me as I walked to them. I opened one and pushed her inside. “Now you’re going to sit in here and work on your packet.” I pointed angrily to her. 

“What?!” Adri scoffed, “I am literally within spitting distance with my idol, and you won’t even let me see him?!”

“No.”

“Why?!”

“You know why!!” I barked, “You started a riot in the middle of class!! I had to be pulled away from an important breakfast to pick you up!”

“What, with the friend you met a week ago?” Adri snapped, “The little producer that is so small even I can-”

“Shut your mouth.” I spoke menacingly through my teeth. The air in the room became tense and strangely cold. Adri stopped talking, “You say anything insulting or degrading about that woman and I swear you'll regret the very second you met me, do I make myself clear?” Adri seemed at the verge of saying something but, in fear of her life, she kept her smart mouth shut. “Now I’m going to go do my work and you’re going to do yours. And you'll do it in this room and silently. End of discussion.” I turned and headed out the door.

“Worst sister ever.” Adri said under her breath.

“Deal with it, princess. This is what happens when you break the rules.” I slammed the door shut with those last words. The entire studio went silent as the bang of the door echoed through the hall. I took a moment to catch my breath. Never had I ever lost my temper like that. Sure, it has been a stressful day but… the moment she brought up Youran… Something in me snapped. Like it was my job to- I shook my head, Now was not the time to be thinking about this kind of thing. I've got shit to do.

I cleared my throat and looked around. My eyes landed on a security guard nearby. “You!” I called, pointing at him. He jumped and came to attention. I pointed to the ground next to me. He quickly walked over to me.

“Yes, mam?” He asked.

“I want you to stand at this door and not let anyone in or out without letting me know first. Do you understand?”

“Yes, mam.” The guard assumed his position at the door. I looked around the still silent studio. “Young!” I walked briskly over to the director, “Fill me in. And make it quick.”

>

“Oh no.” Bart hissed as Young took Ikamara around the studio, “Ike’s in a bad mood.” 

“Ike?” Kiro asked, watching them as well, “Is that the Ike you were talking about? Your other producer?”

“Yup.” Bart sighed, “I was hoping you would catch her on a better day. She is a very kind person, really, but she can sometime be-”

“Why is this not done?!” Ike’s harsh voice carried over the quiet studio, “I’m late once and you guys think it’s time to slack off?!”

Bart leaned close to Kiro and whispered softly to him, “... I know you asked for her specifically, but I would be more than happy to spend the day showing you around if you’d prefer it.”

“Don’t worry.” Kiro smiled sweetly, “I think I can handle it.”

>

I shoved the clipboard back into Young’s arms, “Too much needs to get done in too little time.” I growled, “Quit lollygagging and do your job. I don’t pay you to sit back and do nothing!” Young skulked off, clearly embarrassed. 

“Man!” A familiar voice spoke from next to me, “You really tore into him!” I turned and saw Minor walking to me. He wore a pleasant smile but that vanished when he saw my face. “Something wrong boss?”

“'Something wrong?'” My tone dripped with anger, “You’re twenty minutes late, Minor! I’ve fired for less!”

“S-sorry, boss!” Minor’s tone quickly changed, “I-I went to the wrong location! I didn’t know we had changed studios! Th-then I couldn’t get a hold of you and got stuck in traffic... I promise it won’t happen again!” I glared at Minor. He gulped and bowed deeply. After a moment, I loosened my jaw.

“Don’t worry about it.” I grumbled, rubbing the bridge of my nose to steam my growing headache, “I was late for the same reason. Sorry for snapping. It’s… been a long day.” Minor relaxed and stood up straight again.

“No problem.” He smiled kindly, “It happens! Maybe it’s just in the air. I was told an email went out about the location change? But I didn’t get one. Maybe we were both meant to have a bad day.”

“Right.” I said slowly, “... you have a thing for conspiracies, right, Minor?” 

“Yeah.” Minor chuckled, "You can say that."

“What about hackers? You know anything about them?” 

“Of course!”

“What can you tell me about a hacker named, Key?”

“Key??” Minor asked excitedly, “Man, what don’t I know about them?? Let’s see, well, to start off, they are a white hat hacker. Meaning that what they do what they do ethically.” I huffed and folded my arms. Ethically?? What is so ethical about sending my company on a wild goose chase and killing my phone?! 

Someone tapped my shoulder. I whipped my head around with a glare, only to drop it as my eyes met a familiar ocean of blue.

“Hi!” Kiro smiled kindly, “I’m Kiro. I think you’re the person that’s assigned to help me around the studio today.” I froze and examined his face up close for the first time in weeks.

“... You’re supposed to be in makeup.” I growled, “Where is Gina? Gina!”

“I’ll let you be.” Minor chuckled nervously, backing away from my once again rising, wrothful mood.

I dragged Kiro around the studio, preparing him with makeup and costumes and scripts, giving neither of us a break from the hustle. “Young.” I stopped the stage director and pointed to Kiro, “Get him ready for the first scene.” Young nodded and gestured for Kiro to follow him. I turned and began to walk away

“Give me a second.” Kiro grabbed my arm and held a finger up to the director. He pulled me aside, “Can I ask you a quick question?”

“Is it about the shoot?” I asked seriously.

“...No?” Kiro answered slowly. I opened my mouth to protest, “It’ll be super fast!” Kiro begged, clapping his hands together, “I promise!” I looked at him with an arched eyebrow. He clutched his hands together and brought them up to his mouth, smiling sweetly. I sighed.

“Fine.” I placed the clipboard down and gave him my full attention, “What is it?”

“It’s about the girl that gave you my information.” Kiro asked excitedly, “When will she get here? She said we would be working together today.” 

I froze, my heart sinking to my feet.

Didn’t he recognize my voice? We’ve talked a fair few times. Maybe he forgot what I sounded like… or maybe I had scared him that day with how awful I was treating everyone. Maybe he thought Super Stranger wouldn’t be so hard on her employees. Maybe he didn’t want it to be someone like me… maybe he didn’t want it to be me.

I cleared my throat, “She called and canceled. Something about having something important come up... Sorry.” Kiro’s face fell slightly.

“Oh.” He nodded, still holding a soft smile, “Ok. Thanks!” Kiro forced a larger smile on his face as he walked away from me. I sighed, fighting the lump in my throat. This is why you never meet your idols. 

>>>

Kiro stood on stage for his first scene. I stood next to the camera man, correcting his poor angle. “Ike?” I looked over my shoulder and spotted the costume designer walking over to me with one of the extras dressed as a motorcyclist. “The clasp is stuck on his helmet. I think It’s jammed. Bart said I should go to you?” I took off my blazer and motioned for the extra to come closer to me as the lights in the room dimmed.

“Playback!” Young called through her mega phone, “And… ACTION!” Keeping most of my attention on the extra, I glanced at the stage. Kiro was sitting in a chair by a large desk. He was leaning back, carelessly kicking his feet up onto the table. There was a knocking sound. 

“Come in.” Kiro said, nonchalantly. Even though Kiro was normally so bright, the character he played wasn’t. We had written him to be someone no one would like. Though I was scared Kiro wouldn’t be able to play the character well, his acting was as amazing as ever, stifling any doubt I had. Kiro had this in the bag.

“Dexter Stackman?” The female actor asked as she entered on cue, “The Private investigator?”

“Is that what it says on the door?” Kiro asked.

“Yes?”

“Then you’ve obviously got the wrong person. Try the next room over.”

The crew stifled their laughter. I finally got the clasp undone and helped the extra take the helmet off. “I’ll keep it with me.” I assured the costume designer as she reached to take the helmet, “I think I know how to stop it from doing it again.” She nodded and backed off. I looked at the clasp as I continued to listen to the scene.

“So you're Dexter.” The actress pouted, “I need your help.”

“What help could I give? I’m just some dude sitting at the wrong desk, apparently.”

A creaking noise came from the stage. I looked up. 

“Please, sir. You’re the only one who will listen!”

“Obviously not. Goodbye now!”

I searched the stage carefully with my eyes. Where was that creaking coming from? That’s going to mess with the audio!

“But this case is one you’d be interested in!”

“Does it involve strippers that have had their bikinis stolen?”

“No?”

“Then you’re wrong.”

I huffed and looked up. My breath hitched in my throat. A light swung tediously above the stage. It was rocking unnaturally, almost as if it was about to fall.

I looked straight down from the light. Right under it sat the nonchalant, quipping, boneheaded Dexter, completely unaware of the predicament he was in. 

I threw on the helmet.

“But I-”

“Listen lady,” Kiro stood from his seat and pointed at the actress, “I’ve already told you, I’m not-”

There was a loud snap. Kiro looked above him in time to see the light come hurtling towards his head. I dove into the scene, leaping over the desk and ramming myself into Kiro’s chest, sending us both flying off of the stage. We hit the ground hard as a crash came from behind us. I propped myself up hurriedly to look at Kiro.

“Are you ok?” I asked quickly, inspecting Kiro for any obvious injuries. Nothing was strange except for the rising smile on his face

“Super Stranger!” He threw his arms up in triumph, “I thought you were-” Something clicked on the floor below us. Kiro and I froze. Suddenly, the ground we were laying on flipped backwards, sending Kiro and me into the hole it created. Kiro quickly grabbed onto me tightly as we were launched into darkness.

(Next)

[inaturalist]

Holy Mola! - The Oral History of an iNat Identification

The iNaturalist community made international headlines a few weeks ago after the first hoodwinker sunfish (Mola tecta) seen in North America was shared and then identified via iNaturalist and some dedicated participants. It really is a great story that shows the power of collaboration and the importance of keeping an open (and optimistic!) mind, so I thought it would be fun to compile an oral (although in this case, written) history from the participants.

What follows are the lightly edited and condensed recollections of most of the people involved, put together as chronologically as possible. I have not heard back from all participants, but am happy to add your input if you message me.

Jessica Nielsen (Coal Point Oil Reserve): My first observation of the hoodwinker sunfish was on the morning of February 19th, 2019. A colleague, Mark Holmgren, and I were conducting the reserve's monthly bird monitoring survey at around 7:00 am and noticed a tall dorsal fin flopping about in the water about a hundred meters off of the point at Coal Oil Point Reserve. We weren't sure at the time what animal we were looking at as we couldn't see it very clearly in the water, but we assumed it was some kind of marine mammal based on the size of the fin and head. Later the same day, when a 7 foot long sunfish washed up on the beach, we realized that was what we had seen that morning.

I was alerted to the washed up fish by one of our UCSB student interns, Ruth Alcantara... Unfortunately, the fish was already dead but it was still a sight to see such a large and unusual fish up close. I took some measurements and photos and posted the finding to Coal Oil Point Reserve’s Facebook page.

Daniel Spach (Wilderness Youth Project): We were about to leave Devereux that day after tidepooling for a couple hours when a couple of the kids spotted what looked like a dead seal or something in an unusual posture near the beach on the rocks. When we got over there we were stunned to find something I had never seen or heard of anyone finding on a Santa Barbara beach... a Sun Fish? It was longer than I am tall, over 7 feet I'd say, super flat and roundish, with a mouth big enough to swallow my head. All the kids gathered round and were giddily excited about it, noting the shape of the fins and eyes, making guesses as to its watery demise. Everyone seemed a bit scared to touch it though, thinking it would be slimy like most decomposing fish we'd encountered but it's skin was actually extremely hard, dense, and rough, like an ocean rhino or something.

Kittyhawk snapped a few pictures [TI: see above] with her phone. The kids all wanted to make sure their parents would get a copy of the pictures. Might be the only time any of us will encounter this fish for our lifetimes.

Jeff Phillips (@ljefe): My 10-year old son Pierce participates in the Wilderness Youth Project’s after school program every Wednesday. [On] Feb 22, when I met the group to pick up my son and friends at 5:30pm, they were excited about this huge fish they had found on the beach during their afternoon outing (sometime between 2 and 4:30pm). I’m a biologist with the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service so they knew I’d be excited about it. I had them send me the photo and with my son’s help to mark the location, I posted it on iNaturalist, originally identifying it as Mola mola. I thoroughly enjoyed the ensuing discussion among tomleeturner, rfoster, and mnyegaard.

Tom Turner (@tomeleeturner): I saw [Jessica’s] post and went down there with my family, because I wanted my 4 year old son to check it out. I posted it on iNat, of course, because…that is what I do. Everyone was assuming it is a Mola mola. What happened next is a classic example of iNat at its best.

Ralph Foster (@rfoster): I have an alert for Mola spp and was checking through the day's offerings when I saw what I took to be a stranded Mola tecta. I was bewildered when I realised this was in California and not in New Zealand or Australia so I tagged Marianne [Nyegaard, who described Mola tecta], asking for her input.

Marianne Nyegaard (@mnyegaard): Ralph Foster emailed me with links to iNaturalist asking if I could see what species it was, strongly suspecting it was Mola tecta. I quickly checked and thought that the fish surely looked like a hoodwinker, but frustratingly, none of the many photos showed the clavus [TI: aka what sunfishes’ back “fin” is called] clearly. And with a fish so far out of range, I was extremely reluctant to call it a hoodwinker without clear and unambiguous evidence of its identity... I emailed Ralph and told him we needed more photographs and ideally a tissue sample, and posted on iNaturalist that his was probably just a Mola mola.

Ralph Foster: Since there were no diagnostic features shown, I also tagged the observer (@sealovelife) asking if there were more images available, which is when Tom directed me to his observation.

Tom Turner: By this time I was already out on the beach in the dark looking for the fish to get better photos, because what could be more fun than this? Alas, the tide had floated it away again.

Marianne Nyegaard: I then had a cup of coffee and doubt starting creeping in... I spent the next few hours obsessively zooming in on all the photos posted on iNaturalist... Some photos showed peoples’ hands on the sunfish, so I used their fingernails to gauge the scale and compared the skin with my archive photos. Even though the resolution just wasn't high enough to be sure, I started convincing myself the skin at least wasn't incompatible with Mola tecta and that ….perhaps it was a hoodwinker?... But I felt I needed to be absolutely 100% sure before settling on an ID, seeing I had described the hoodwinker and would need to back up my ID with absolute certainty with a specimen so far away from home.

I woke up to an email from Jessica Nielsen saying [she and Tom] were keen to go back out and find the fish again so I sent them instructions of what to look for and photograph, and then sat on the edge of my chair with all fingers and toes crossed that they would find it.

Tom Turner: At low tide (now two days later), I started biking on the beach from the east, and Jessica started walking from the west, 2 miles apart. We met in the middle, at the fish, now a few hundred yards farther east.

Jessica Nielsen: Tom and I waited for the tide to go out, found the fish...and we got to work taking the photos and fin clips requested. It really was exciting to collect the photos and samples knowing that it could potentially be such an extraordinary sighting!  Once we sent over the photos, Marianne responded very quickly.

Marianne Nyegaard: I was away from my desk most of the day, but when I checked my emails in the afternoon I literally nearly fell off my chair (which I was sitting on the edge of!). Tom and Jessica had indeed found the fish and had photographed and examined it, and taken a tissue sample. A huge amount of extremely clear photos were in my inbox and there was just no doubt of the ID. They had also examined the clavus by hand to confirm the number of ossicles, which was just brilliant. Eyes and ears and hands on the ground half a world away, wow.

Ralph Foster: If it hadn't been for Tom and Jessica's willingness to revisit and examine the specimen we would not have known with certainty that this was, indeed, Mola tecta.

Jessica Nielsen: We were all thrilled to hear the news. Mola tecta was just recently discovered in 2017 (by Marianne and her research team) so there is still so much to learn about this species. I’m so glad that we could help these researchers make the final definitive ID.

Tom Turner: iNaturalist at its best: experienced novice loops in expert who loops in the expert who then helps us learn about our find and gets info she will use in her research. And it was fun and exciting for all.

Marianne Nyegaard: Ralph Foster also alerted the University of California, who did a beach dissection and collected a large number of samples. Tissue samples will soon be on the way from California to my sister’s lab in Denmark, where I do all my sunfish genetics.

So, within 24 hours after I had first been made aware of this stranding we had confirmed the ID. I just love iNaturalist and am continuously amazed by how much fun it is to “meet” passionate people all over the world

[lokismercedes]

A History Lesson and a Date

 A Loki x reader one-shot based on the Valentines Day prompts from loki-the-fox:

44: “Yeah nothing says ‘I love you’ more than bouquet that’ll die in two days              time.”

46: “My mom gave a rose because she felt sorry for me”

Author: Lokismercedes

Summary: After you and your husband split, your uncle Tony Stark moves you and your 16 year old twin daughters into the compound. A certain raven haired god takes a keen interest in you three and in turn you give him a history lesson about Valentine’s Day.

     You had gotten pregnant in high school when you were 16. Even though it was incredibly hard you still managed to finish school and graduate. Your uncle Tony was disappointed to say the least, but he always supported every decision you ever made. Telling him that you wanted to keep the baby (Even after you found out it was twins) was no different. Your mom had kicked you out when you told her, and immediately uncle Tony demanded you move in with him. When you were 20 you met your husband. After a whirlwind of a romance that lasted 6 months he proposed and you said yes, a month later you two were married in a small ceremony that only a few friends and family members attended. Now eleven years later, here you were, living with Uncle Tony again after being kicked out. He truly was a God send and the only family member that didn’t shun you for getting pregnant at sixteen. Today not only marked your humiliation after finding ‘the love of your life’ cheating on you with someone who was ten years younger than you but it also happened to be Valentine’s Day. Now you were never one to really care about this holiday, but you desperately longed for the simplicity your life used to be. You missed living in Tennessee so much, the way everyone in your small town always smiled and waved at each other, and always made small talk whether they knew you or not. That was your favorite part of living in the south: The Southern Hospitality! Living in New York was VASTLY different. 

     On top of moving to New York with the twins you had recently started going back to school to get your Registered Nursing License. While you were desperately trying to cram a study session in this morning you noticed the girls weren’t in their room, cursing you texted them asking where they were. They both told you they were with the Asguardians in the common room kitchen eating breakfast. You blew out a sigh of relief knowing they were already eating breakfast, and knowing that Happy - Uncle Tony’s assistant - was going to drive them to school so you could worry about studying for your nursing boards. You grabbed your books and notes and grabbed the girls backpacks (They conveniently forgot in your living room of the suit you lived in) and started reading over your notes walking to the elevator to meet up with the girls.

     Your boards were coming up in a couple of weeks and you knew the material easily enough, what was worrying you was the fact you also had to do a clinical exam on top of the written exam. You knew there was some things that you really needed to brush up on but the girls were way to wirey and wiggley to use them, you know you could always ask Uncle Tony or Aunt Pepper, but you feel like you have already imposed on them enough, and didn’t want to ask them unless absolutely necessary. As you stepped out of the elevator and into the kitchen of the common room you immediately heard Thors’ booming laugh, and the girls came running at you.

“Thank god we don’t have to run back upstairs to grab them.” Savanna sighed in relief.

“Is Happy here yet?” You ask them.

“Not yet, but we panicked when we couldn’t find our bags.” Dakota piped up. “Oh mom, there’s a bouquet of roses in the kitchen that has your name on the card.” She said as an afterthought. 

“WHAT?!” You nearly shouted. “Please tell me they are from you two?” You say.Both girls shook their heads

“Nope, looks like you might have a secret admirer.” Savanna smirked. 

“God I hope not.” You mumbled walking into the kitchen. “Morning Odinsonbros” You gave the gods in greeting.

“And what a glorious morning it is Lady Y/N.” Thor said pulling you into a hug a lung popping hug. Loki nodded in your direction and flashed you a dazzling smile.

“Girls, why didn’t you wake me up, instead of the boys?” You asked.

“Well, mom, we really didn’t want to bother you with today being Valentine’s Day and all.” Savanna spoke up. You rolled your eyes and gave them both a hug and a kiss.

“Beside, Lady Y/N, we were up anyway.” Thor smiled at  you. Loki grumbled something into his breakfast indicating Thor was lying, but trying to be polite.

“Guys, I’m fine, makes me feel like you like the boys more than me, you know today really doesn’t mean much to me, never has.” You responded.

“Mom, read the card, I wanna know who sent you flowers.” Savanna urged handing you the card.

“I really don’t.” You grumbled taking the card, worried they may have come from your Soon-to-be-ex-husband. The look of worry must have been on your face because Thor asked what was wrong.

“Nothing really, hoping to hell its not from my ex.” You shrugged.

“Well if they are, can we burn them?” Dakota asked hopeful

“ABSOLUTELY! That’s the best idea I’ve heard this morning!” You beamed at the girls, earning a chuckle from Loki. You placed your notes that you were studying down on the counter and sat next to Loki. You could see him trying to read the card over your shoulder and you smirked.

“Jealous?” You nudged him with your shoulder.

“Hm hardly, just merely curious as to who’s attention you hold” Loki waved his hand nonchalantly. 

“HE SPEAKS!” You winked at him, and you swore he blushed a little.You looked down at the card and read it:

Y/N,

Honey, I heard about what happened between you and H/N, and I’m terribly sorry. Here’s a little something to, hopefully, brighten your day a little. Call me when you’re free.

                                    -XOXO Mom 

You rolled your eyes, handed the card to Loki so he could read it, grabbed the roses and threw them in the trash can. All four of the people in the kitchen gave you a quizzical look. 

“Why did you throw them out? I think its an endearing gesture.” Loki asked

“Too little, too late” You told him. 

“Who are they from, mom?” One of the girls asked. 

“Nobody important.” You shrugged. Right then Happy walked in to take the girls to school. You noticed Thor give Loki’s shoulder a squeeze and he too made an excuse to leave. 

“Now why would you say your mother isn’t important?” Loki moved to take his plate to the sink, then casually leaned againsed the counter and folded his arms across his chest.

“Long story short, she kicked me out when I got pregnant at sixteen, then her and all of her side of the family disowned me.” You shrugged.

“Maybe shes trying to mend her relationship with you. Possibly for the sake of your daughters.” He pondered.

“Hm nice try Mischief, but my mom gave me a rose because she felt sorry for me, since the separation.” You tried to sound indifferent. “She really wasn’t a hands on mother to be honest, we have always had a rocky relationship.” You really wanted this conversation to end. This was actually a very touchy subject to you and you know Loki’s just trying to make you feel better. 

“Or, she really does love you, and is trying to finally reach out.” He walked over to you, and you noticed he was picking at his hands

“Riiight, Nothing says ‘I love you’ like a bouquet that will die in two days time.” You quipped back smirking.

“Always the optimistic I see. Stark did tell me a little bit about this midguardian holiday. Can’t say I’m a fan of lovesick couples groping each other in public, whispering childish sentiments, and spending ridiculous amounts of money on stuff thats obviously just going to get tossed in the bin at the end of the day.” He gestured towards where you threw the roses out. 

“Actually it only turned romantic around 1375, when the medieval English poet, Geoffrey Chaucer, wrote a poem called “Parliament of Foules.” where he linked the dreaded V-Day with Love. It used to be a pagan celebration called Lupercalia. Celebrated at the ides of February, it was a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, the Roman God of Agriculture. Around A.D. 270 the christian church decided to place St. Valentine’s feast to Christianize the pagan belief.” You told him matter- of- factly. Loki stared at you in shock. “What? I like history and being catholic I specifically like the history of different saints.” You smirked at Loki’s absolutely stunned look. 

“What else do you know about this holiday?” He asked genuinely sitting back down motioning for you to join him. “Please enlighten me more about this tediously mundane holiday.” 

You sat next to him and faced him. “Um, well, lets see, nobody really knows who St. Valentine really was, there could actually be up words to 15 different people. The one that Roman Catholics seem to really focus on was a Roman Priest in the third century.” Loki was just staring at you while you talked occasionally smirking at the passion for which you spoke. “Technically in my opinion, were celebrating a temple priest that was arrested, beaten, sentenced to death, and eventually beheaded on the 14th of February.” 

“What exactly was his crime?” Loki wondered

“He was helping couples wed, you see, when emperor Claudius the second made marriage illegal because he wanted unwed men for his army.” You smiled at the look of disgust on Loki’s face.

“Barbaric!” He exclaimed

“It really is, he was only canonized in 1988, by pope John Paul the second.” You were becoming more and more aware of the way Loki was staring at you, almost like he could see into your soul. 

“Lady Y/N, I would love to hear more about this, lets say, over some dinner and maybe wine?” He asked almost shyly, picking at his hands again. You furrowed your brows in confusion. 

“Like a date? Loki are you asking me out?” You were sure you heard wrong.

“I suppose I am.” He looked up to finally meet your eyes, he had so much riding on you saying yes. It all clicked into place now, the constant figiting, Thor squeezing his shoulder earlier, he’s always been so good with the twins, that’s why the girls never woke you up this morning! He’s been planning this and they have been helping him! Your heart was racing. 

“Tell you what, Mischief, if you convince your brother to check in every now and then with the twins, maybe stay overnight with them, not only will I have dinner with you, but you can help me play nurse-” You started but was interrupted by your Uncle Tony walking in right at that moment and spitting his coffee out. Both you and Loki burst out laughing.

End 

[lebilliam]

111 questions with @imaginationisendless3

001: What is your biggest dream? uhhh. that depends on how you define dream. im gonna go ahead and say that the dream is to be able to wake up and go to the airport and just travel all around and come back home to the same old home at the end of the day

002: What is the bravest thing you've ever done? this q is quite a doozy. i really dont keep track of this kind of stuff

003: Is it hard for you to show your feelings? hell ye

004: What is your dream job? What was your dream job when you were little? when i was little i thought looking at space and being an astronaut would be really cool but now its just being able to travel

005: What is your favorite sound? mechanical keyboard clicking hands down

006: Would you rather be in front of the camera or behind it? wait this q seems familiar but im gonna say in front

007: What do you notice first when you meet a new person? (Both in real and on the internet): what kind of memes they like

008: Is there anybody you *fully* trust?: sure theres a list

009: Do you like / love someone? If yes, who?: there was this cute girl once but i never mustered the courage to really talk to her rip 

010: Have you ever received / sent hate? How do you deal with it?: i flame brian and logan all the time but i dont think that constitutes hate mail. tbh i dont recall an instance of being perturbed by excessive hate

011: What are you going to spend money on next?: food in martinique (or maybe some chacos here)

012: What are three things you never leave your house without?: phone, wallet, jacket

013: What is your favorite place?: ive had a lot of favorite places over the last few years but now that im being asked i cant recall any of them. all my favorite places have this one thing that i dont like about them and thats why i have so many

014: Do you sing and/or dance in front of people? nah not earnestly

015: Have you ever cheated on a test?: have YOU? i say i want to cheat on tests all the time bc itd be so easy but im just too lazy to enact a foolproof cheat strategy

016: What is your current desktop background?: last time it was a bunch of functional groups for Ochem, but now its specific reagents and pathways!

017: How would you describe yourself in 3 words? indecisive, unpredictable, decisive (i thnk)

018: What does make you happy?: honestly?? knowing im appreciated

019: What time were you born? uhh i dont know off the top of my head atm but i can check

020: Do you give second chances? Why? why the fuck NOT? well i say that but all the second chances ive given have been disappointments. trying to find someone to surprise me i guess? xd

021: Name your biggest turn ons and turn offs: serious turn offs are lacking empathy for the struggles of others (i say stop being poor ironically, but there are people who really dont get it which is scary to me). turn ons? Jacinda asked me this and my answer still hasnt changed-- the neck. i ALWAYS go for the jugular

022: When was the last time you hugged someone?: hmmmmm probably last month or so?

023: What is your favorite food? GOD dang it i know i say a lot of things are my favorite but now i cant think of anything. something im always down for is KFC though

024: Do you save money or spend it right away? FUCK i try to save it but money just has a way of leaving my hands

025: Do you have any tattoos? If yes, what are their meanings? If no, would you get any?: id love to get tattoos. sleeves and all those seem really neat but also i know im just rash with decisions like that sometimes

026: Name five things you find beautiful: ooo hair in sunlight, pure moments of unadulterated laughter, crafts that people work on, technology, and mechanical keyboards

027: What is your favorite clothing style? (Both in you and others): lately ive been joking about the CLOUT a lot with champion and supreme branded stuff but its ironic. tbh i like buttonups with nice colors.

028: How do you cheer yourself up? i slid into this girl’s dms with this very question and then i linked her a minecraft song parody so i guess minecraft song parodies and stupid things

029: Do you show affection in public?: i would IF I COULD

030: What is one thing you are looking forward to?: martinique, being refreshed enough to actually care about school bc this last semester was a shitshow

031: Have you ever been to other countries? If yes, where?: france, spain, italy, canada, (japan when i was uber young), vietnam, fircrest

032: What was the last lie you told and why? ill start on this at 2pm. i was still in bed at 2

033: Who are the people you can always turn to? mo, lo

034: Have you ever done drugs? If not, would you ever try them?: it sounds like itd be a cool experience but im also scared all of those horror stories where the drugs were laced with other stuff that turns you into a 4 year old

035: What is your favorite word? i think about the word obsequious a lot but i think my favorite word has to go to discord

036: Do you consider yourself a romantic? sure why not

037: What are 3 objects that are *very* important to you and why?: notes section in my phone ( i write a lot of my thoughts and weird dreams in there), my laptop ( i use it literally every single day), my dice ( bc dnd has been uber helpful to me and its a great pastime)  

038: Have you ever met someone famous? If so, who?: nope! not special

039: What would you like to change, mentally and physically, about yourself? id like to start working out but i say that all the time. id like to be more dedicated to school stuff but honestly its whatever. idk jsut trying to be more confident in myself and smiling more

040: Have you ever won a contest/competition? What for? i won a smash tournament once and i got fourth or third in another one but that was a long time ago

041: What is one illegal thing you would do if there were no consequences? steal, armed robbery. 

042: Who are your favorite fictional characters? borutos dad seems kind of cool, they should make an anime about him or something

043: Do you ever wish you were somebody else? yea i wish i was me but better

044: What is your favorite store to shop at? FUEGO and the runway fashion exchange and idk some other cool store but it doesnt come to mind

045: Do you want to have children one day? How many? How would you name them?: i think about it. having children would be cool but also NOT having kids would be cool

046: How do you cope with stress? How do you vent your anger? i say reee unironically but then it makes me feel better 

047: What do you want for your birthday? honestly? lots of money but idk a new set of dice would be nice ore maybe a new computer

048: Have you ever had an imaginary friend? yea probably

049: Have you ever said "I love you" even though you didn't mean it? in the times ive said it i feel like i have meant it but you can never be too sure

050: What is the best advice anyone has ever given you? starting to write down all your feelings and stuff that happens

051: Do you have any regrets? If yes, what do you regret the most? not taking the opportunity to go to high school/ college early / skipping grades / trying harder on admissions tests

052: Do you find tattoos and/or piercings attractive? theyre pretty neat imo i like them

053: Do you want to get married? What are your views on marriage? marriage is such an old concept but also it seems kind of cool

054: Who are you most comfortable around? tbh its been myself for the last few weeks 

055: What are you wearing right now? What do you wear to bed? i am wearing shorts. i try not to wear too much when i sleep bc i overheat but if i have someone else in bed with me ill wear a thin shirt and shorts

056: When is your birthday? feb 26!

057: What is love to you? love is being able to send memes to each other and being able to go from 2 blobs watching videos to a fancy date and 

058: Are you a jealous person? i can be jealous if i dont trust whatever is happening

059: Would you rather go to a party or stay at home? hmm tbh id probably party if my friends were there or if not id stay at home 

060: How many relationships have you had? quite a few

061: Are you a positive person? sure, i guess ;)

062: What kind of people do you feel attracted to? smart people who are smart but also dumb and cute

063: What is the longest time you've stayed awake? oooowee i think 21 hours or so?

064: Have you ever been told "I don't want to lose you"? yep! proceeded to then lose me!

065: What is your favorite genre when it comes to movies? action comedy

066: Do you collect anything? memories and dust and trinkets

067: In your opinion, what is your best quality? i can make you laugh

068: Have you ever changed for someone?yep! it happens and its sad but it happens

069: What is your idea of a perfect date? a date is the entire day, starting out with waking up next to the person, eating breakfast together, maybe do some errands / work out, netflix and chill, chill, go out for a nice dinner and night out, come back, netflix and chill, chill, go to bed.

070: Are you shy or outgoing? i would love to say im outgoing but idk!

071: In your opinion, what is the secret for a great relationship? surprises everywhere

072: Are you the kind of person who breaks rules? hm im sure i did at some point. maybe i still do?

073: Is it hard for you to trust people? yea it can get a lil hard

074: What does your dream house look like? fat front yard, lots of plants, lots of green grass

075: Do you feel attracted to people your age, younger or older? hmm im at the ripe age of 19 where options younger than me are a lil sketch. idk according to the historia older people have been quality

076: How much have you changed over the past year? a LOT boii

077: Longest friendship you've ever had? hmm about 6 or 7 or 8 years

078: Do you have pets? If not, what animal would you like to have? no pets, id love dogs

079: Are you left or right handed? ambidextrous

080: What talent do you wish you’d been born with? perfect pitch would help a lot with what i like to do

081: Where do you get motivation and inspiration? minecraft parody songs, also seeing professionals doing what they do

082: Do you know how to swim? If yes, when did you learn? yea, i learned when i was in bellingham and then i learned more when i was in kent

083: You are given one wish: What do you wish for? i wish for 100 million dollars with no inflation, no taxes, no debts, no one filing a lawsuit or slandering my name (this is all a part of getting the 100 mil. ive thought about getting money a lot)

084: Do you like to give / receive flowers? What is your favorite flower? i like giving flowers bc i feel like if i receive them,  i dont know what to do. its now ur problem if i get you flowers

085: Would you rather travel to a cold forest or a warm beach? warm beach if its not in the early morning when the sun rises, otherwise, forest

086: What is one thing you can't forgive, that can destroy a friendship or relationship beyond repair? if u kill me i dont think i could get over that

087: What is the last thing you purchased? corsair mouse

088: Have you ever broken someone's heart? Ever gotten your heart broken? yep and yep

089: Have you ever cheated on someone? Ever been cheated on? no and yes

090: Do you believe in soulmates? uhhh its possible. theres 8 billion people on this planet, what are the odds that soulmates DOnt exist

091: Is there anybody you would do absolutely *anything* for? If yes, who? hmmmm not anything, but id do a fair bit for my friends

092: Share three facts about your life.: i like to eat, make friends, and travel/experience other cultures

093: Do you believe in love at first sight? i do, but most of the time it isnt reciprocated ;p

094: Would you date someone who smokes / drinks / does drugs / has a mental illness? yea, i dont see why that would stop me from dating them

095: You are given 15 minutes of fame: What would you do? ask for money

096: How is your dream partner like? shes funny, makes me laugh, smells good, etc

097: Would you rather commit to one person or have several relationships? id rather have several relationships so i know exactly what im looking for in a person.

098: What are some of your hobbies? league, hearthstone, watching people play league and hearthstone, french, etc

099: What kind of person do you want to be? i want to be the cool old person when im old

100: What did you have for breakfast? i had some vietnamese cuisine

101: What is your Top 3 favorite shows? What was your Top 3 favorite shows when you were a kid? the office is something i enjoy, mythbusters, uh scooby doo? idk 

102: What are three places you *really* would like to visit one day? hmmm maybe the trevi fountain, il duomo, totally la sagrada familia 

103: What was your last meal? What was your last beverage? breakfast, water

104: Who is the last person you had a deep conversation with? hmm probably anastasia

105: What is one thing that made you smile today? thinking about martinique

106: Do you like taking photos? If yes, what do you photograph the most?i love taking photos, but i never have subjects so i dont really take photos too often

107: Has anyone ever written a poem or a song dedicated to you? Have you? FHCk man i wish. wait there was a 100 things i like about you and i think about it all the time. i actually have written poems and stuff but tis been a  long time and i dont think my creative juices are back from that yet (but trust me, it was straight fire)

108: Do you remember your dreams? If yes, what was the last dream you remember about?: i remember almost all of my dreams because i always tell someone about them and idk talking helps me remember things 

109: If you could go back in the past, would you change anything? If yes, what? i would start learning things so much earlier and stick with theme

110: If you were given 3 million dollars, what would you do with them? invest 2 mill in the bank, get that monthly interest coming back in the mail, use that mill to pay off all my and my friends debts, live life the way i wished i could when i was little

111: What are a few facts about you that not many people know of? i like learning languages but its not profitable in this day and age i feel

'111 Questions': by Ira V. Simon (priveting)

[luffysfakebeard]

Sweet Boys Shouldn’t Drink Hard Liquor; 4620 words Isak gets very drunk and has a bit of a meltdown over his mother’s religious texts. lots of angst and hurt/comfort [AO3]

Even hated being monitored.

He despised the way it made him feel: like the people who loved him didn’t trust him enough to know his own limits.  So maybe it was his own aversion to being monitored that let things with Isak get out of hand.

Despite a few months of tentative progress, Isak’s mother was currently two weeks into a spiral.  Even knew she was sending Isak texts that stressed him out no end, but Isak refused to talk about them.

Trust went two ways though, right?

If Even wanted Isak to trust him to self-regulate then he needed to show Isak that he trusted him in return.

That was what Even told himself, anyway, as he kissed Isak goodbye at school that Friday evening.  Isak was hosting the pre-drinks for his boys before some party they’d swindled their way into and Even figured some time with his friends would be good for Isak.

Even wasn’t really feeling up for that much socialising though, so he’d declined Isak’s offer to join them in favour of going to his favourite late night café and attempting to do some of his homework. Any of his homework.

How Isak managed to be such a consistent and successful student was beyond Even.  Looking at all of his notes suddenly gave him a newfound level of respect for Isak’s dedication to his grades.  Shit, his boy was so smart.

If only his good study habits could rub off on Even.

The sound of his phone vibrating inside one of his textbooks where he had used it as a bookmark pulled Even out of his thoughts and he struggled for a few seconds to fish it out, a grin spreading across his lips at the sight of Isak’s name on the caller ID.

“Hey, baby, I was just thinking about you.” Even answered brightly, looking around the bed for something else to use as a bookmark.

“Uh, it’s not actually Isak, sorry.  It’s Jonas?” Even sat up straight and the hairs on the back of his neck stood up, sensing something bad was about to be dropped on him.

“Is Isak okay?” Was it possible for your heart to actually be inside your throat?  It felt like it was possible.

“I don’t- he’s not in a good place right now. I think he needs you here.  It’s not my place any more.” Jonas sounded pretty sober for someone who had probably been drinking since about 6PM, which unsettled Even even more than he already was.

“What’s happened?” Even was already haphazardly shoving all his stuff back into his bag.

“I don’t know.  But he hit the drink fucking hard tonight.  Said a lot of stuff I don’t think he’d have shared if he was sober. Worked himself right up.” Jonas swallowed.  Even was reminded then how close Jonas and Isak were, that this must have been as painful for Jonas as it was for him.

“Just get home soon, alright?” And with that, Jonas hung up.

Even didn’t so much as glance back at his unfinished food and drink as he swung his bag over his shoulder and practically sprinted home.

***

He made it home in record time, racing up the stairs before he even caught his breath from the run back.  He could feel his heartbeat in multiple parts of his body but he was almost positive that was fine.

Once he got to the front door he allowed himself a few seconds to breathe, pausing until he no longer sounded like an asthmatic after running a marathon to let himself in.

Even moved inside without so much as a hey what’s up, but he didn’t miss the relieved look on Jonas’ face.

“Where is he?” Even looked around the living room, which looked like a tornado had blown threw it, before sticking his head into their tiny kitchen.  Isak was nowhere in sight.  Jonas wasn’t kidding about the drink though; there were more bottles spread over the counters than Even had ever seen crammed on it.

Including an almost empty bottle of cheap shit vodka that Even would bet his life tasted like paint thinner.

It all seemed a bit excessive for pre-drinks for four boys.

“Well?” Even huffed, looking back at Jonas.

“He’s in the bathroom.” Jonas replied carefully. “Mags and Mahdi already left, but I said I’d wait until you got here.  He- it’s not good.  He freaked them out a bit, I think.  They’re worried about-”

Yeah okay Even didn’t care about Mahdi and Magnus right now.  He needed to see Isak.  He didn’t bother saying anything as he turned and crossed the flat.

“Even, wait.” The serious tone in Jonas’ voice was made Even stop, looking back at his boyfriend’s disgruntled best friend.

“What?”

“I just want you to understand, he was really freaking out.  He was going to hurt himself.  We got him into the bathroom and put him under the shower.  To shock him out of it, y’know?  I mean, it worked.  He totally calmed down, but he’s still not okay.  He just curled up in the bath.” Jonas took a breath, rubbing a hand over his chest as if he could rub the ache in his heart away.  “I didn’t want you to think we just hosed him down like a dog and left him.”

Shit.

It hurt Even to think about Isak getting into that state, but it eased something inside him to know that Isak had people around him who cared like Jonas clearly did.

“Understood.” Even nodded.  He tried to convey with his eyes that he was grateful for what Jonas had done, how he’d been there for Isak, but he wasn’t sure if Jonas got the message.

“I’m gonna head home.  Just…let me know how he is later, yeah?” Jonas swallowed.

“Of course.” Even nodded.

And that was that. Even waited until the door had closed after Jonas before turning to face the bathroom door.  He took a deep breath to steel his nerves, unsure of what was going to greet him on the other side of the door.

He went through anyway.

***

No amount of nerve steeling could have prepared Even’s heart for the sight of Isak lying on his side in the bathtub, curled into himself and shivering in his wet clothes.  Even could hear mumbling.  It was a bit jumbled by Isak’s teeth chattering, but it sounded biblical.

That just made Even’s heart hurt twice as much.

“Isak?” He called softly as he knelt down next to the bath.  Isak’s eyes were vacant, like he’d completely checked out of what was happening.  Even cupped the side of Isak’s face gently, resisting the urge to flinch away from the cold clinging to Isak’s skin, running his thumb gently back and forth over Isak’s cheek.

“You in there, sweet boy?” Even murmured, running his hand up into Isak’s damp hair.  Isak blinked slowly, seeming to realise that someone was touching him and talking to him, and his eyes focused on Even’s face for a brief moment.  Recognition flickered in his gaze, but he made no attempt to talk.

Even watched as another shiver vibrated almost violently through Isak’s body and he was climbing into the bath before he even realised it.

If you had asked him an hour ago if he thought there was space in their poky little bathtub for him to spoon Isak he’d have asked if you were high.  But there he was, lying down on the wet bath and gathering Isak up in his arms trying to press his own warmth into Isak’s trembling body.

They lay like that for a while: Isak practically comatose and Even trying to warm him up.  It was nowhere near comfortable.  Even could feel cramps coming on in muscles he hadn’t even realised he had.

He could hear Isak’s lips moving, small breathy words escaping, and it was like a knife in his heart.  He recognised the words from the dozens of texts Marianne had sent.

Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.

Even ran a comforting hand through Isak’s wet hair.  No response.

Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.

Even rubbed his hands up and down Isak’s freezing arms.  No response.

Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Even spread his hand over Isak’s chest, feeling his heart thump slow and steady under his hand.  He wanted to tell Isak that his heart was the purest thing.  He wanted to tell him that no one loved as strongly as Isak did.  He wanted to say that sure Isak had flaws, but his big heart was never one of them.

'I will cleanse them from all their iniquity by which they have sinned against Me, and I will pardon all their iniquities by which they have sinned against Me and by which they have transgressed against Me.’

Even couldn’t bear to listen to it. He just couldn’t.

“Isak, baby?” He cupped Isak’s jaw gently and turned his head so he could see Isak’s eyes.  They were glassy with alcohol, but there was no light behind them.  No Isak in there.

“You’re going to get sick if we stay in here.  We need to warm you up.” Even stroked his thumb across Isak’s cheek gently and something flickered in those green eyes.  “I’m going to run you a bath, okay?” He kept running his thumb across Isak’s chilled cheek and it seemed to help Isak focus.

He didn’t speak, but he did nod and Even took that as a good sign that Isak was at least hearing him.

It wasn’t the most graceful of movements.  Even stood up awkwardly behind Isak, trying not to kick his boyfriend as he stepped out of the slippery tub, groaning as he straightened out all the cricks in his back.

Then came the really difficult bit.  Getting Isak out of the tub took almost three minutes because his boy was absolute deadweight and probably about 90% alcohol.  Once Isak was out of the tub, Even had no choice but to sit him on the toilet and pray he didn’t slide off while he ran the bath.

Even filled the bath with the nice soap Eskild had given them as a moving in present.  It still mostly full because neither Isak nor Even were big bath takers; both preferred a quick shower to lounging about in dirty water.

It might also have something to do with the four hours they spend scrubbing at their bath when they first moved in to make it useable.  Even had nightmares sometimes about the state the flat was in when they first took it.

“Is, baby,” Even crouched in front of Isak, leaving the bath to run.  “I’m going to get your clothes off, okay?  So you can have a nice bath and get all warm.” Even explained.  He placed his hands on Isak’s knees and stared up into the completely vacant face of the love of his life.

He just wanted Isak to respond.  Instead, he was knelt on the wet floor of their tiny bathroom watching Isak shiver like he’d been caught out in -10 weather without a coat.  Part of him was terrified that Isak was too far gone to be reachable, but like fuck was Even going to stop trying.

Isak never gave up on him.  He’d die before he gave up on Isak.

Carefully, Even peeled Isak’s wet clothes off.  His plaid shirt, followed by his undershirt, and then his sodden socks, and then the really fun bit.

Isak’s skinny jeans.

Those things were enough of a bitch to get off when Isak was dry and sober, so being faced with a soaking shitfaced Isak in wet skinny jeans was the stuff of nightmares.  Even spent a good two minutes shimmying down Isak’s legs, revealing centimetre after centimetre of mottled blue skin until finally they got to mid-calf and turned inside out and slid off so quickly that Even actually fell back.

How did it get to this? Even thought as he stared up at their ceiling in a daze.  Out of the corner of his eye he was pretty sure he could see a mountain of bubbles and-

“Fuck!  The bath!” Even sat upright and scrambled over to the taps, yanking them back into the off position before the bath could get any fuller.  He shuffled over to Isak on his knees and looked him over.

He couldn’t pinpoint why, but it felt wrong to him to take Isak’s boxers off.  It’s hard enough having a meltdown, Even wasn’t sure he wanted to strip Isak down as physically as his brain had stripped him down mentally.

That was how Even ended up easing Isak into their bath, boxers and all.

If Isak had been shivering badly before, it was nothing compared to how badly he shook when he slid into the warm water.  His teeth were actually chattering.

Even wasn’t sure what else he could do when Isak was so unresponsive, so he made an executive decision to fix what he could.

“I’m gonna go tidy up a bit, baby, I’ll be back soon, okay?” He leaned down and pressed a kiss to Isak’s forehead, relieved to feel it slightly warmer than the last time he touched it. Isak slid his gaze up to Even, which made Even’s heart skip a beat, but he didn’t look like he was taking in anything Even was saying.

With a sigh, Even brushed his nose against Isak’s and straightened up.  He grabbed the bin and placed it next to the bath and sent a prayer to all the deities he could think of that if Isak felt sick he’d at least aim it at the bin.

Even spent the next twenty minutes clearing up.  He put the bottles back in the alcohol cupboard and binned the empty cans and leftover food.  He put the furniture back where it was meant to go, and somehow that made him feel a lot better about his current situation.  He tossed the game controls off the bed, getting it ready for Isak.

Even was just debating making Isak something plain to eat when he heard Isak vomiting and changed course from the kitchen to the bathroom.  Isak’s torso was dangling over the edge of the bath: jerking violently with the force his stomach was expelling all the alcohol Isak had drowned himself in.

“Get it all out, baby, you’ll feel better.” Even promised, sitting on the toilet and rubbing Isak’s back comfortingly.  There wasn’t much else he could do while Isak was sick, but he didn’t want to leave him alone.  He knew how much Isak hated feeling out of control, and vomiting was one of the worst things for that.

“I’m never gonna- be clean!” Isak gasped out, stopping in the middle to be sick again.  For a few seconds Even was too shocked that Isak had spoken to him to actually process what he had said.

“God means so much to her.” Isak choked, his body wracked with painful looking dry heaves.  “She keeps going back, she keeps telling me-” Isak sucked in a frantic gasp, looking over at Even with wide frightened eyes that made Even want to throw Marianne Valtersen’s phone directly to the pits of hell.

“Even, I can’t- I- I can’t-” Isak’s breathing was a barely there rush of in and out.  Even moved the bin out of the way and cupped Isak’s face in his hands.  He felt so much warmer now, and the colour had come back to his skin.  He was flushed pink all over; a much better look than the miserable cold grey and blue he had been before.

“Breathe with me, Is.” Even whispered, stroking his thumbs slowly back and forth over Isak’s cheeks. “In…and out…in…and out…” They stayed like that for a few minutes, until Isak finally stopped trembling and his breathing wasn’t terrifyingly fast.

“It’s never gonna stop, Ev.” Isak whispered, his eyes fixed on the floor behind Even.

“We don’t know what’s going to happen, baby, but I don’t think your mum will suddenly stop having her faith.” Even pushed Isak’s curls away from his forehead, smiling sadly.  “I wish I had the right words for you, Isak. I wish I could tell you that one day your mum will find the right combination of meds and therapy and she’ll balance out her faith and her love for you…but I don’t know.”

“I can’t keep doing this.” Isak’s voice cracked, and Even’s heart cracked right down the middle with it. “I can’t- I can’t keep reading all this shit about being cleansed, like the way I live is dirty.” Isak gagged again and Even quickly placed the bin back in front of him, just in time for Isak to throw up more bile.

“Fuck, I feel like shit.” Isak coughed weakly when the retching subsided.

“Jonas said you drank a lot.” Even nodded, grabbing a washcloth out of the cupboard over the sink and soaked it with cold water before wiping Isak’s forehead and his mouth.

“I drank so much.” Isak groaned in agreement.  “Why do I do I always do this.” Isak thumped his head against the side of the bathtub. He looked so defeated that Even couldn’t have reprimanded him even if he’d wanted to.

“You know when Eskild found me I was real fucked up too.  Thought alcohol would make me feel better that time too.” Isak’s voice was still kind of slurring, but Even was just so relieved to hear him talk at all.  “You think I’d learn.” Isak scoffed, his shoulders jerking a little with the sound.

“You’re still learning, Isak, you’re still young.” Even reminded him, rubbing Isak’s hair comfortingly.

“I just wanted to forget for a little while.” Isak’s voice sounded suspiciously thick.  “I wanted to forget about her and her stupid texts and her stupid god who thinks I’m an abomination and-” Isak’s voice broke off, catching on a sob.

“It’s not fair, Ev.” Isak shoulders were trembling, a sure sign that he was crying.

“I know, baby, I know.  I wish you’d told me how much her messages were getting to you.” Even cupped the back of Isak’s head and encouraged Isak to bury his face in his neck.  Isak went gladly; gripping the back of Even’s shirt in two tight wet fists and pressing his face into the curve of Even’s neck. “I’m sorry I didn’t realise.” Even apologised into Isak’s curls, which were slowly drying out.

“It’s so stupid.” Isak’s voice was so small that Even almost missed it.  “I know she loves me.  She told me that she loved me, no matter that I was gay.  But I just- when she sends those texts…it’s like she’s falling away from me all over again and I hate it.” Even could feel Isak’s tears damp against his skin, but he didn’t say anything about them.  He stroked Isak’s hair calmly, just letting Isak talk.

“I think I wanna get out now.” Isak sniffled a few minutes later.

Blessedly, getting Isak out proved a lot easier than getting him in had been.  It helped that he had snapped out of his daze and thrown up a good portion of the alcohol, Even thought as he yanked the plug out of the bath.  Once the water went down a bit Isak stood up on shaky legs and clambered out.  He walked straight into Even’s open, towel covered, arms and allowed himself to be wrapped up like a little sausage roll.

Even cuddled him dry, kissing all over his face and hair.  Isak seemed completely worn out, if the way he let Even baby him was anything to go by. Even got him to swish his mouth out with mouth wash twice before they shuffled through to bed, insisting that Isak would feel less gross if his mouth didn’t taste like shit vodka and vomit.

“How will I remember this mini breakdown if my mouth doesn’t taste of shit vodka and vomit though?” Isak had tried to joke, but when Even shook his head Isak took the bottle and cleaned his mouth out.  And yes, okay, maybe he did feel a bit better without that disgusting taste in his mouth but Even didn’t need to know that.

They made it safely to the bed and Even dropped the towel, grabbing Isak’s sweatpants and the nearest shirt.  He stripped Isak of his wet boxers and got him into his pyjamas and tapped Isak’s ass lightly to let him know he was done and Isak could get into bed.

The end felt in sight now.

Even put their bedside bin on Isak’s side in case he needed to be sick again and crawled into bed exhaustedly with his still sort of drunk and emotional boyfriend.

“Well, this wasn’t the night either of us imagined.” Even tried to joke.

Just like Isak’s attempt at humour at the situation, it fell flat.  In fact – much to his horror – Isak burst into tears against his chest.

“I’m sorry.” Isak shook in Even’s arms, his pain rattling Even’s very bones.  “I’m sorry I fucked up tonight.  I should have just told you, but you have so much to deal with already and it’s not like I’m not used to my mum’s shit-”

“Isak, unless I’m too depressed to move, I’m always going to be here for you.  You can always talk to me, baby.  If something is hurting you then I want to know about it.  Even if- no, especially if you think it’s something stupid.” Even hooked his fingers under Isak’s chin and lifted Isak’s face up to look at him.  He needed to see Isak’s eyes.  He needed to know that Isak heard him.

Isak’s face was still a little flushed from the bath, and there were red splotchy rings around his eyes from crying, and his eyes were watery and bloodshot, but Even could see Isak in there and that’s all he could focus on.  After the vacant gaze of an hour ago, this look felt like a miracle.

“I- I’ll try.” Isak swallowed, his eyes sliding away from Even’s face.

Even considered that a victory. Change like that wasn’t going to come overnight; Isak trying to talk more was a first step that Even was more than happy to take.

“Good.” Even kissed Isak’s forehead, and then peppered kisses over the delicate red skin around Isak’s teary eyes.  “I’ll try to be a bit more observant too.” Even promises again, his lips brushing over Isak’s closed eyelids.

“Can we sleep now, Ev?” Isak sighed as he nestled himself closer to Even.

“Anything you want, baby.” Even wrapped a tentative arm around Isak’s middle and, when Isak didn’t vomit at the mere contact, rolled them over until he was comfortably spooning Isak’s back. He double checked that the bin was within Isak’s reach before he settled down, burying his face in Isak’s hair and breathing in the sweet smell of Eskild’s bubble bath.

In the quiet of the night, Even recalls his own experience with faith.

“Hey, Isak?”

“Yeah?” Isak’s face was pressed into the mattress tiredly, muffling his voice.

“For you, Lord, are kind and ready to forgive, abundant in faithful love to all who call on You.” Even whispered.  He felt Isak tense up, but he kept going.

“After his punishment he gives comfort, and after wounding, his hands make you well.” Even pressed a kiss to the back of Isak’s head.

“Encourage you with what I have to say; my words of comfort would lessen your pain.”

“Even…” Isak sounded so pained, turning over to look at Even.  “What are you doing?”

“Your mum is only reminding you of one part of the bible.” Even’s eyes roamed Isak’s face as he spoke. Not for the first time he found himself thinking about how young Isak really was, despite growing up so quickly.

“I don’t think she means to keep sending you negative stuff…there’s a lot of positive stuff in there too.  About loving your neighbour and not casting judgement and about how God’s there for you if you have faith.  Stuff that comforts a lot of people all over the world.” Even ran a hand through his hair.

“I don’t know, I guess I just wanted to remind you that there’s more to your mum’s religion than the part about not being gay and making sure to be clean.” Even winced at the way Isak flinched at the word clean.  “I’m sorry if it crossed a line.” Even rubbed Isak’s back gently.

When Isak didn’t say anything Even figured that he was just digesting what Even had said.

“Can we just sleep?” Isak repeated his earlier question and Even nodded.

“Yeah, sorry, babe.” He kissed Isak’s shoulder and they settled themselves back into their earlier position: Isak curled up tightly against Even, and Even holding his worn out boyfriend as close as possible.

“You know your mum loves you more than anything, though, right?” Even whispered into Isak’s hair.  “She has her episodes, but she still loves you. She loves you enough to text you quotes from the bible, sharing her faith.  Maybe she just doesn’t realise how bad those particular bits make you feel?” Even suggested, trailing his fingers lightly up and down Isak’s abdomen.

“I never really thought about it before.” Isak muttered, reaching down and taking Even’s hand. “And I know you both love me even when you’re having episodes.” Isak added sleepily, acknowledging the elephant in the room that Even couldn’t.

“Good.” Even mumbled, unable to make his voice any louder around the lump that had risen in his throat at Isak’s words.  They could talk about anything else in the morning, it could all wait, but Even needed to know that Isak understood that an episode wasn’t going to change anyone’s feelings about someone.

He needed it more than he needed to breathe.

“Goodnight, Issy.” Even pressed another kiss to the top of Isak’s head before burying his face in those perfect curls.  Isak’s breathing was steadily slowing, a sure sign that he was close to sleep.

Something still felt off though.

“Hey, Is?” Even grinned.

“Oh my god, what, Even?” Isak groaned.  Even leaned down and brushes his lips against the shell of Isak’s ear.

“Come, let’s make love until dawn; let’s comfort ourselves with love.” Even said seriously.

It had the desired effect. A shocked laugh burst out of Isak and he looked over his shoulder at Even’s grinning face.

“It doesn’t say that!”

“It does!” Even laughed, snuggling closer to Isak.  “God wouldn’t object to you getting a comforting blowjob or something in the morning.” Even teased, wrapping his arms around Isak so he could spread his hand over Isak’s chest and feel the steady beat of his heart.

“For fuck’s sake, Even, baby, please go to sleep.” Isak laughed. His cheeks were flushed now from laughter – and maybe a little bit of embarrassment – and he was all cosy against Even’s front.

As far as Even was concerned, it was how Isak should always be.

“Anything for you, my sweet.” Even drawled in English.  He was pretty sure he could feel Isak’s eye roll.

“Goodnight, Ev.” Isak mumbled, his fingers tangling in the corner of their duvet.

“Goodnight, sweet boy.” Even skimmed a kiss against the crown of Isak’s head and settled down.

He could sleep with ease now that Isak had smiled again.

[freshkookies97]

White Lilies

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Rating: NC-17

Genre: Angst / Romance

Warnings: Hospitalization, mention of minor character death, mention of major character attempted suicide

Word Count: 2.6k

Prompt: BTS Writers’ July Writing Prompt - It’s a hot summer night. Person A and B are neighbors, and both have their windows open. Person A is reading when they hear Person B singing beautifully. What happens next is up to you.

Disclaimer: There is not a major character death.

Song choice: Stigma by BTS

Song © to BTS.

Gif © to the owner.

I hope you enjoy it. (:

The sweet scent of sakura blossoms floated into the room through the breeze fluttering the curtains. Cicadas and grasshoppers sang in the distance, in search of their mate beneath the radiant starlight. Unread books piled in the corners of the room beside your desk cluttered with various sketches and snippets of fictional writing. Your laptop sat amidst the chaos emitting soft, soothing music from its speakers and filling the silence. Your eyes skimmed across the pages of the book you were currently reading, sweat gathering atop your brow as the sweltering heat of summer permeated the room. The duvet beneath you crinkled around the weight of your upright form, clinging to the exposed skin of your thighs and calves. Your tank top and shorts did little in your pursuit of becoming at least a tiny bit comfortable.

At least the paper thin walls of the Japanese summer vacation home allowed the heat to dissipate through the material, decreasing the temperature of the house by a few degrees. Even still, summers were always the worst. Despite this, your family continued to vacation to Japan each scorching season. They always claimed that a change of scenery was required for the brain to regain clarity. Of course, they were right.

However, a problem arose when it became this hot.

Falling asleep in this incessant heat was nearly impossible.

Even reading wasn’t helping.

Reading has always been the most beneficial tool in attempting to fall asleep ever since you were little. Of course, reading in the daylight wouldn’t cause the same reaction, but either reading or being read to at night has always been the most relaxing. Tonight, however, had become the first night that your usual method had failed. With a huff, you snapped the book shut and allowed it to fall onto the bed with a thump. Your eyes scoured the room for another tactic when you suddenly heard a low, deep voice crooning a familiar melody. You crawled across the bed, closer to the window, closer to the source of that beautiful voice. Placing your hands on the windowsill, you leaned over the edge of your bed, your ears focused on his voice.

“Deeper, deeper, the wound just gets deeper Like pieces of glass that We can’t turn back Deeper, my chest hurts everyday The feeble you, who received Punishment for my crime”

That song, those lyrics.

It’s Taehyung!

He wasn’t supposed to arrive until tomorrow.

You’re glad he’s here, but that song…

Where have you heard it?

The lyrics resounded in the caverns of your brain until finally, a memory surfaced, the identity of that song finally being revealed. You fell against the balls of your feet as the recollection consumed all thought, erased the reality of being in the bedroom of your favorite summer home.

It was late summer, early fall. The air began to chill and the leaves started to blend into various shades of red and yellow. Eventually, they would be found beneath someone’s shoe, the snap of their veins echoing in the biting, crisp breeze. Citizens were rarely spotted in the streets. Students’ school uniforms were modified to accommodate the chill. Shops lost business, save for the students that would dart into their stores, seeking shelter, warmth, and always, food. The only people roaming the streets would be those headed to work, school, the hospital, or to the cemetery to mourn the loss of their loved ones. It was there, at the hospital, where Taehyung could be found every day after school. It was one of the few places he would frequent. For him, it was always school, hospital, home, and repeat.

Of course, it wasn’t always this way.

No, not until his grandmother fell ill.

Taehyung became distant, only concerned with buying the prettiest flowers at the nearest florist for his most beloved family member. It was always white lilies. They were her favorite. They were always beside her bed while Taehyung clutched her frail hand, silently praying for her health to replenish. Even in sickness, her humor remained intact. Her jokes would spread a smile on his face, and sometimes, he would even laugh. However, it was always a façade. He was always smiling through the pain for her. Everything was for her.

The forced smiles would continue, until one day, while she was asleep, he was visited by her primary doctor. She had a month remaining to live. That was the day he broke. That was the day the world became grey for him. That was the day he would lose awareness of the things happening around him, even your presence beside him. When you would attempt to speak to him, emotion would be vacant from his eyes. His focus and attention were never on you.

It was always that one spot in the floor that disrupted the pattern in the tile. It was the corner of the room, where his grandmother’s dying lilies sat. It was the red bows adorning your shoes, the diamonds that would decorate them the next day. There were days, however, that he would acknowledge your existence. It wasn’t words of gratitude, though.

No, he lashed out at you. He would scream and holler, demanding to know why you were still with him, why you were visiting his grandmother at all. He wouldn’t wait for your answer. He’d continue, shouting things like “She isn’t even your family,” “You don’t belong here,” and “Just leave me the hell alone!” These outbursts would always end in tears. He’d slowly curl himself into a ball while you consoled him, enveloped him in your embrace until his tears dried. Your own tears would dot his denim jacket, saddened at the sight of your best friend, your first love, in complete and utter agony.

The torment wouldn’t end, though.

Because it wasn’t long until she suddenly passed in her sleep, two weeks later.

That day, he attempted suicide.

On the roof of the hospital, his toes surpassing the edge of the platform as tears freely streamed across his face. You pleaded and pleaded, tears brimming in your eyes, but you bit your cheek. You didn’t want your emotions to affect his decision. It had taken a while before you had finally convinced him to live, for the remainder of his family. His younger sister and brother. It had felt as though a weight had been lifted from your shoulders when he accepted your embrace. That night seemed endless as the two of you talked for hours and hours, about anything and everything. It was a relief to speak with your true best friend for the first time in months. Of course, there was a voice inside your head that told you that it wouldn’t last for long, and it was right, but you were prepared.

A year passed by agonizingly slow, but both of you survived it.

He became himself again. He smiled and laughed, and he made jokes. He even did your hair and makeup for a bet that one of his friends had made. He graduated high school and applied for college. He was actually looking forward to the future he had ahead of him. It was a beautiful experience, watching him fight through the pain and transform into the man he is today. He’s learned how to handle life’s mishaps and that is a lesson that everyone should learn. You’re proud of him, and you’re sure his grandmother is, too.

It was a couple of months after her death that “Stigma” was written.

It was 2 o’clock in the morning. You were hunched over your desk, furiously typing your psychology essay that was due in 6 hours. Your room was actually tidy for once, it always was when you were studying or doing homework. It was the only way you could actually get things done. Your eyes burned from the glare of your laptop in the dimly lit room, your back had started to ache from the arch of your spine. Your fingers and hands began to throb from the speed and duration of your typing. Classical music was quietly reverberating off the walls of your room from your laptop’s speakers, but your ears tuned it out. In fact, you were so engrossed in your essay that at first, you couldn’t even hear the phone ringing.

It took 2 more additional calls until you snapped your attention away to whisk your phone up to your ear, not bothering to check the ID. “Hello?” you impatiently greeted, splitting some of your focus to listen to the caller’s voice. Speaking of their voice, this one was oddly familiar. It was deep, manly, and sent a wave of electricity along your spine. Your scrunched features relaxed when you identified the husky, masculine voice. “Taehyung…” you accidentally whispered under your breath, in an almost seductive tone.

He cleared his throat. “I-um wrote a new song!”

“Really?”

Before you could realize what was happening, his voice changed octaves and he began his song, Stigma. As you attentively listened, tears brimmed in your eyes at the realization of who the song was dedicated to. You bit your cheek to prevent the tears from spilling as your ears focused on his soothing voice. When the last verse was sung, he questioned if you liked it and you exclaimed that you did. It’s not like you were lying. No, you did like it. In fact, you loved it. It was the subject of the song that had you sniffling.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he inquired, concern lacing his voice.

You gave him a weak excuse that night, but he didn’t pressure you for an answer. You bade him farewell, ended the call, and with a sigh, resumed the construction of your essay. Unfortunately, you didn’t finish until 4 o’clock in the morning that day, so you only got 2 hours of sleep, but at least you got it done. The next few months would pass by uneventfully. Other than the flirting you had received from Taehyung every week or so, life was otherwise silent. When college began, your availability diminished and less time was spent with the only man, and love, in your life. You missed him terribly. When you had finished your last class in the spring, you were more than excited for summer break. Finally, you’d be able to see Taehyung again. Finally, you’d have the chance to confess your feelings for him.

You hadn’t even realized you were crying until you felt the tears dot your hands folded in your lap. You chuckled at the unexpected onslaught of tears, swiping them away when you started at the sudden ringing of your phone. Rising from your bed, you strode over to your desk to read the caller ID before answering. As your eyes scanned the name across the screen, you took a deep breath, readying yourself for the incoming conversation.

“Hey, why are you crying?” he immediately asked.

You sniffled again. “Ah, it’s nothing. I’m fine… Uh, Taehyung?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you do me a favor?”

“Of course. Anything for my woman.”

Ah, you hoped to be soon. “Can you sing me to sleep?” you murmured, your cheeks inflaming at his term of endearment. You’ve loved him for years now. You had planned to tell him last year, on the first day of summer break, on the day you’d arrive at the summer home. However, the timing wasn’t right. His grandmother fell ill that day, and you didn’t want to be insensitive. So, you waited and waited and waited until you believed it was finally time, which you deemed to be this week. Yes, this was the week you would profess your love.

“Of course, but how would you feel if I came over and we… held each other?”

Your face immediately flushed as you stuttered an answer. “O-okay…”

He released a breath of relief. “Perfect. I’ll sneak through the back door alright? You don’t have to meet me there. I’ll come to you,” he explained, finishing the call before you could mutter your confirmation.

Your heart began to beat faster, your limbs trembling with excitement at the idea of Taehyung enveloping you in his embrace. However, when your eyes raked in the havoc that was your room, you were flown into a frenzy. You hurriedly tidied the room, gathering the papers on the desk into a pile and tossing clothes into a hamper. You realigned the books along the walls and adjusted the volume on your laptop. You readjusted the duvet on the bed and fluffed your pillows. Just as you finished and spun around on your heel to wait for him, he was already standing in the doorway. His chest heaved with each breath, as though he ran as fast as he could, even though he was just next door. His famous boxy smile stretched across his cheeks as he admired your appearance. You blushed under his gaze, reciprocating his smile as his breath continued to steady.

With a heavy sigh, he strode to where you stood and encircled his arms around your waist, your entire body crashing into his from the sheer force. You eagerly slid your arms around his neck, burying your nose into his neck and inhaling his scent. At the familiar fragrance invading your senses, your body relaxed into his as memories flashed through your mind like a movie.

Memories of the bonfires in the middle of the night, marshmallows roasting on the fire as you excitedly talked about a new book. The guitar that would accompany his deep, soulful voice later that night. The shouts of a nearby baseball game while you two stood in a classroom, surrounded by the stale scent of chalk. The open window beside you that allowed the wind to carry the faint smell of cherry blossoms into the room. It was there that you and Taehyung would share your first kiss.

He wouldn’t remember it later.

Revelling in his aroma, you took a deep breath before removing your head from his neck to gaze into his eyes. His pupils held an unrecognizable emotion, an emotion that was most likely reflected in your own, that caused exhilaration to alight through your veins. The hairs on the back of your neck stood straight as the familiar knot of desire twisted in your stomach. The darkening of his facial features had your mouth falling open and your breath hitching. An overwhelming urge to attack his lips with your own arose, but you attempted to reign it in.

Before you could process the need surfacing from his expression alone, he crashed his lips onto yours. You gasped in surprise, his strawberry taste mingling with the banana lingering on your lips. Your eyes fluttered close as you reciprocated the kiss, your fingers lacing through his hair. His grip tightened around your waist before he abruptly pulled away, his lips glistening as he breathed heavily. “Ah, sorry about that. That was unexpected, wasn’t it?” he breathlessly murmured.

“No, no, it’s fine…” you whispered, embarrassed at your answer.

Abruptly, he separated himself from your embrace and led you towards the bed. “It’s late, so let’s get you to sleep,” he explained as he laid you both on the bed before tugging you closer and tucking you under his chin. One of his hands brushed his fingers through your hair as his free arm was slung across your waist. His fingers in your hair caused you to relax into his touch as he began to sing a low, soothing melody.

The lyrics were familiar, but you were too tired to even attempt to identify their source. As he continued, what transpired merely moments before became a distant memory. The heat became tolerable from the distraction that was Taehyung’s heavenly voice and caresses. Your eyelids grew heavy, your heart steadying as his voice lulled you to sleep. You inched closer, closing the gap further as the world around you began to fade. You were willingly falling into the clutches of sleep, but before you did, you faintly heard a whisper above you.

“I love you.”

[romancevsreality-blog]

the bachelorette, season thirteen, episode one: rachel is american royalty

It took me 20 minutes to come up with an intro line for this blog post, because the only thing I could come up with was:

Welcome to the 13th season of La Bachelorette, or as I’m calling it, The Bachelorette: She’s Just Like Us, But Black! or The Bachelorette: This Is The Bachelorette Liberals Want. I am Amanda Mitchell, President & Co-Founder of the Rachel Lindsay Fan Club1, here with you live to Google Doc to talk to you about what I can only tell you in my heart is going to be The Most Dramatic Season Yet of The Bachelorette. I mean, Chris Harrison said it, and I’ve been instructed to trust everything Chris Harrison has to say. Last time we saw each other I was emphatically refusing to recap the Vanderpump Rules reunions, and now we’re stuck together until at least the end of the summer, what with this + The Bachelor: Fuck Island following after.

Romance vs. Reality: Summer Camp Edition!

Rachel was blessed with what seemed to be the best pre-season press I think any lead on this series has ever gotten. Hell, my mom listened to her on NPR this week and my twitter has been bombarded with her face. Not that I’m even complaining. I’m mostly loving that ABC is basically like, “We have a black Bachelorette now: deal with it.” And now that interracial marriage is at an all-time high, PEOPLE ARE DOWN WITH THE SWIRL. I was born ready. I have read zero spoilers2, I have my coffee and my red lipstick and I’m ready to fall in love with Rachel falling in love. I’ve never been happier to pass my torch as #firstblackbachelorette on to anyone else. Let’s do it, kiddos.

The episode opens with Rachel doing her promo shoot for the season - red roses, red dress, red lipstick. Guess what? She’s humbled as hell. She’s not used to this. I mean, is anyone? The Bachelorette is literally the closest thing we have to getting on a bus to Hollywood and asking where you go to become famous in 2017. I can’t imagine a person who would be prepared for this moment in any way... nor do I really want to, let’s be real.

I always feel bad for the people who live in the Bachelor mansion irl. Do they have to leave their furniture, too? Or do they have to entirely move out twice a year for a few months? I know, I know, they’re generously compensated, blah blah blah, but like... after 15 years, you know they dread getting that email reminding them it’s time for filming again. Anyway, we see Chris Harrison, the Mufasa to my Scar, as he greets us and reminds us that Everyone Loves Rachel because... she’s a normal fucking person. She questioned the entire process and took her time. She wasn’t even calling Nick her fiance after four dates like... most of the girls on the show did. Rachel was too good for Nick, he knew it, and America did too.

And that’s why she’s Queen Bachelorette.

We get the Obligatory Life & Work Montage - Rachel’s from Dallas! She looks amazing in white! She can play basketball3 and describes herself as “sweet & sour”. Personally, I think world peace could happen if everyone could just meet over a bowl of sour patch kids (not original), so it’s nice to know that Rachel describes herself as such. She’s the best. God, guys, I’m not even 2 minutes in and I’m gagged for the gods. I love her so much. We see Rachel in court, and hear her talk about her dedication to her job being more important than falling in love.

And then we’re reminded of Nick Viall’s existence and how Rachel struggled with expressing her feelings to Nick. We relive that perfect moment where she was genuinely shocked to admit she was falling in love with Nick, only for it to be too late for her and she was sent home. Next is the After The Final Rose where she met her first four guys of the season in that perfect caped black jumpsuit that I would like to be buried in. Ugh, I forgot one guy said “I’m ready to go black, and I’m never going to go back.” WHAT PRODUCER ALLOWED THAT?

Rachel has a perfect fluffer of a dog and I can’t breathe. HAS ANY OTHER BACHELORETTE EVER BROUGHT THEIR DOG? She drives down Rodeo Drive, meets with fans in front of some tulips, and some lady tells her not to sleep with “all of them.” Rachel says “oh, none of them.” My response probably would be, “Oh no, only half of them.”

And this is why I’m not The First Black Bachelorette.

But the best part of this whole thing is that it… strangely doesn’t feel as artificial as seasons prior. Rachel’s weave is next-level, she’s bubbly and sweet and it just doesn’t feel so… blatant. Even the “dancing on the beach at sunset in a romper” shot feels genuine, and that’s hard to do4.

Chris Harrison, Julius to My Brutus, introduces us to some of Rachel’s men!!!!!!

We meet Kenny, who’s both a professional wrestler and father to a 10-year-old girl, named McKenzie. McKenzie is fucking gorgeous and I can’t handle it. Again: I have a thing for men who are good with their daughters. It’s not rooted in some deep emotional pain I have or anything. He makes a “wrestling ring/wedding ring” pun, and I love Kenny5.

We meet JACKSTONE6, who, like Rachel, is an attorney in Dallas. He lost his mom in high school, and he looks like the poor man’s Noah Mills.7

I screamed when I saw The Spirit of Detroit, one of my favorite pieces of artwork ever, and then got mad because it was connected Alex, who is 28. He claims he’s from Detroit.

BITCH

YOU

ARE

FROM

GROSSE

POINTE

For those not in the know (aka most of you), Grosse Pointe is literally right next to Detroit. As in, you can be standing next to a million-dollar mansion and walk half a block and literally be in poverty. This is not a joke or an understatement. Given that Grosse Pointe has literally and figuratively built barriers to divide itself from Detroit, I have zero patience for a meathead-cum-nerd from Grosse Pointe saying he’s from Detroit. You (and I, your honor), are from “Outside Detroit”. Jeffrey Eugenides wrote two books set in Grosse Pointe. ... I’m from the same town Mitt Romney’s from. There is a long history of politicians and residents distancing themselves from Detroit - L. Brooks Patterson, COME THROUGH, OAKLAND COUNTY AIN’T PERFECT, HAVE YOU BEEN TO PONTIAC - so, you know, shut up.

Alex’s mom says he has an IQ of 180. I hate him.

We meet Mohit, who launched a start-up and does Bollywood dancing. Why do I feel like this is going to come up in the future.

And then there’s Lucas. Lucas, who I refuse to believe in a real person.

Truthfully, if Lucas exists in this world, I’m not sure if I want to.

Lucas looks like an ugly O’Connell brother had sex with the third Hemsworth brother and I disagree with everything about him. His catchphrase is “Whaboom,” which is literal nonsense. I liked you so much better when you were played by Paul Scheer and you were pulling elaborate charitable pranks like building parks.

We then learn far, far too much about Blake E.’s testosterone levels and (allegedly) amazing penis.

Blake E.:

Diggy loves sneakers. He has almost 600 pairs of sneakers. Like, Diggy, you cute and all but ugh, sneakerheads are so extra.

Josiah is a prosecutor and is emotionally vulnerable as hell. His older brother committed suicide and Josiah was the one to cut his brother down after he hung himself at seven years old. This is something I’ve thought about a lot - not the process of dying, but being the person to discover it. That fucking terrifies me. He was arrested for burglary at 12, and a judge told him he wasn’t this violent, angry person - and Josiah realized at that moment what he wanted to be. He’s now a prosecuting attorney at the state attorney’s office where he got his second chance.

You’re crying, I’m not crying.

Rachel drives over to the mansion to meet with her former competition - I mean, her best friends from Nick’s season - and they all talk about how surreal it is to be back at the house. Jasmine G., Alexis, Raven, Kristina, Corinne, and two interchangeable dark-haired girls who must not have done anything because I literally have no idea who they are all sit around to drink champagne and give advice. They basically tell her not to pre-judge anyone, give everyone a chance, and really keep her mind and heart open.

There’s some T about DeMario’s intentions not being pure. And then we get some lady-love, it’s amazing. They all really care about her, and it’s touching. SEE, Y’ALL? This is why she’s The Bachelorette. Rachel doesn’t have any enemies. They literally cry because they love her so much.

I let out an involuntary “yaaaaaaaas” when I saw Rachel in her first night dress. It’s white and sparkly and it looks like someone took a chandelier, shattered it, and made a dress.

Amanda’s Official Ranking of Best Dressed Bachelorettes (2013 - 2017)

Kaitlyn

Rachel

Desiree

Joelle8

Andi

AND THE SEASON BEGINS.

Rachel is greeted by Chris Harrison, the Obi-Wan to my Anakin, and he prepares her for what’s to come. God, he has the dream job. I want it so much. He works for like 10 minutes a day, I can’t. He literally greets her and then leaves her to her own devices because the limos are pulling up.

Peter is first, with his navy blue plaid jacket and bowtie, and he’s nervous as hell. He hopes he’ll have better luck than Nick did because they’re both from Wisconsin. Josiah is second and oh my god if they continue on with these sartorial choices this season for these men I cannot handle it. Everyone looks so good. Josiah’s got a grey jacket with black lapels, a bowtie, and makes a legal joke. Every lawyer loves a legal joke.

Bryan is 100% cheekbones and speaks Spanish. Rachel understands 25% of what he says, and he says she’s in trouble with him. Bryan is my new boyfriend. Kenny’s got some dance moves. I love it.

At one point when they showed some of the guys in the same room chatting, I involuntarily shrieked. These are some good-looking men. I am in heat. I haven’t been this attracted to a group of men on television since Drake left Degrassi9.

There’s a montage of random guys who I guess we’re not supposed to care about. Diggy looks fly. Kyle brings her Jamaican buns and cheese, KYLE WINS. Blake K, who is a veteran, hot as hell, and his grandparents dated for a couple months before marrying and just celebrated their 65th wedding anniversary. Brady brings a block of ice to break.

Everything seems 100 until the guys who met her at After the Final Rose arrive. Dean, our “black/never go back” guy, asks her if it was okay that he said that. Dean looks like Sean Cameron from Degrassi. 13-year-old Amanda is swoooooning. He probably asked because some dumbass producer thought that would be a great idea. That producer was fired and promptly hired by Pepsi and is now producing commercials for them10. The 27 other guys who haven’t met her before are concerned the ATFR Four will have an advantage.

In addition to talking about his penis too much, Blake E. is an “aspiring drummer” (whatever that means) and comes in playing drums with a marching band. He wanted to be 100% less awkward this time. All the guys are envious, and it’s as if they’ve never seen this show before. These people always pull some nonsense.

Me exiting the Bachelor Limo:

Chris Harrison, the Louis Winthorpe to my Duke Brothers, arrives to talk to Rachel about The Men So Far, but mostly DeMario, because Whitney (WHO?) warned her about him.

Chris Harrison:

Rachel’s like, “I’m a smart girl and I take everything with a grain of salt so imma do me, I guess.”

Fred used to go to elementary school with Rachel! He was in third grade when she was in eighth, and Rachel is unamused by being reminded of what she looked like when she was thirteen. I burned every picture of me from 11 - 14 for a reason. I did not exist in those years. I went underground into a cave and emerged for freshman year of high school. Jonathan, who looks like the fake dead Andrew Garfield they’d use for a funeral scene in a movie, tickles Rachel without permission and I am shocked she doesn’t send him home immediately.

I HATE BEING TICKLED AND / OR TOUCHED WITHOUT PERMISSION, OH MY GOD. I would push Jonathan back in a limo. BYE.

Lee is this season’s WGWG11, and it’s as if people haven’t realized that’s not a path way to a record deal. Hell, it’s not even a path to becoming The Bachelor. It does, however, get you a one-way ticket to Paradise more than once. Good for you, Lee. Milton literally growls at her. Has anyone ever found growling cute? Didn’t Johnny Bravo growl? AND LOOK HOW SUCCESSFUL HE WAS WITH WOMEN.

Adam brings a doll my friend Hillary12 describes as an “Annabelle doll”, and I beg to differ. This is Lil’ Poundcake after she went through the wash and wearing her laundry day clothes. Matt is our Obligatory Costume Wearer. Again, I liked you so much more when you were secretly Jennifer Aniston.

My favorite part of this season so far is the dynamic we’ve never seen before - playful ribbing. When black men get together, there’s a ton of joking around and roasting each other. It’s not malicious, even though they’re competing. See what you get, ABC? See what you get when you have a diverse cast of men?!?! My literal favorite part of the episode is when Diggy (I believe) asks who in the group is the crazy one.

Enter Whaboom.

He’s literally wearing a tanktop with “Whaboom” on it. And demonstrates it for Rachel.

CAN SOMEONE HELP HER PLEASE

And then DeMario points out... we’ve found the crazy one.

I cackled. It was fucking funny.

Rachel gives a toast, and then The Battle Begins.

Josiah is first to take her aside, and all the guys are like, “What?!?” As if they’ve never seen this happen before. Rachel loves his story, of course, because who doesn’t? Rachel’s nervous, but she’s excited. Whoever gave her that white fur stole should get an Emmy Award.

They literally put a glass of champagne in the doll’s hand. I fast-forwarded through the nonsense of the doll but HOW DARE THEY MAKE THIS WOMAN ENGAGE WITH THIS DOLL. Like. Show her some damn respect and don’t make her talk to a creepy doll. Just because Alfre Woodard did it doesn’t mean it’s okay.

Rachel can’t get over the fact that she used to discipline Fred. Bryan takes her aside and expresses his seriousness, and he’s a chiropractic physician. Bryan can crush a back massage, y’all. She asks if he’s really going to be trouble, and then they make out. I have to take a cold shower, give me a minute.

Okay, I’m back.

Chris Harrison comes in with the First Impression Rose like:

We learn that Rachel preferred NSYNC to Backstreet Boys and this is the only answer I needed to know from this episode, recap over. I told y’all she was perfect. Mo gets wasted, of course. I much preferred Jamey when he spelled his name correctly and he was played by Will Arnett. He’s mostly mad because he didn’t get to talk to her in his $2000 suit.

Pretty much all the guys are cool except Whaboom, who never learned how to read a room. He keeps narrating the night’s events with his loudspeaker. However, he does juggle. Where did he get those balls from? Milton can’t stop purring. Gross. The rivalry between Whaboom and Blake “I Love My Penis” E. emerges because Blake thinks Whaboom13 wants to be on TV. I think they're both the worst!

Rachel comes in and grabs the First Impression Rose, and gives it to Bryan. They kiss again, and Mo yells “NOOOOOOOOOOOO. KEEP AWAAAAAAY.”

I cackled. Again. I’m so excited for this season.

Rachel gives a speech, and it’s time for the Rose Ceremony. Like, it’s so simple for her. She knows what she’s doing, what she’s in for. Just handing out flowers, ain’t no thang.

Peter, Will, JACKSTONE, Jam(ie), Iggy, Eric, DeMario, Jonathan (WHYYYYYY), Bryce, Alex, Kenny, Dean, Matt, Anthony, Brady, Josiah, Lee, Diggy, Fred, Adam, Not The Doll, Blake “My Penis is My Best Friend” E., and Syllabic Noise all get roses.

Good bye, Blake K., Grant, Jedediah, Kyle, Michael, Milton, Mohit, and Rob. I won’t miss your purring, Milton.

This Season on La Bachelorette: kisses! Fireworks! Adventures! Sweden! Denmark! Lee isn’t here to make friends, and he’s the villain this season, deliberately. I LOVE A DELIBERATE VILLAIN. Someone has a girlfriend who shows up with proof! FIGHTING! Rachel looks gorgeous while crying, I love her. Rachel’s storyline this season is totally Putting Love First.

I’m so excited to be doing this with y’all.

See you next week!

Random Assessments From The Desk of Amanda:

My front-runners: Peter, Bryan, Eric.

Did Chevy sponsor this season? That's one nice ass car Rachel was driving.

I feel like when my mom watches this she’s going to be searching for a husband for me.

This is one of the best premieres this show has ever had. I couldn’t stop laughing.

Who’s worse, though: Penis Head or Syllabic Noise? It's a competition for who's worse, god damn.

So Mo got an opening backstory but he got eliminated on Night One? There goes the “Top 4 Gets An Opener” Theory, I guess.

Why did she eliminate Hot Rob, tho?

OR HOT BLAKE?

I promise this will end better for Rachel than it did for Selena. ...Too soon? ↩︎

I went (mildly) spoiler-free for Joelle’s season and entirely for Nick’s, but I might cave in a few weeks. I only like to know who makes it to hometowns, it’s easier to guess that way. ↩︎

juuuust in case you forgot she was black or something ↩︎

Does anyone else feel like Rachel had her teeth gap slightly closed or is that just me? Is this because I’ve seen season 6 of Top Model too many times? ↩︎

Also, Kenny has a fucking wiki page, so he must actually work. ↩︎

This was a typo, but I love it so much I’m leaving it. ↩︎

You’re welcome, ladies. ↩︎

If only because of this dress. ↩︎

Downtown Sasquatch Forever. ↩︎

This isn’t true, but you know someone would believe me if I said so. ↩︎

White Guy With Guitar ↩︎

Listen to our podcast! ↩︎

I think his new name should be Syllabic Noise. ↩︎

[the-baddest-bitch]

Mr. Han Will See You Now - Chapter 1

Tying Up Loose Ends

Rating : 13+ For cursing

Chapter 2

“Mr. Han. I have important news.” His capable assistant, Jaehee Kang, stepped into his office.

“Can it wait?” Jumin didn't look up from the paper that he was reading.

“It can, I suppose, but it wouldn't be wise to wait any longer.” He looked at her and raised his eyebrows in a “Well?” gesture.

“I’m going to resign.” That was something he hadn't expected. He blinked, and then nodded.  

“I understand. When will you be resigning?” Jumin was quite disappointed. Assistant Kang, soon to be just Jaehee Kang, was the best assistant he had ever had. He was going to miss her. Well, he was going to miss her work ethic.

“One week from now. I decided to tell you beforehand because I wanted time to tie up loose ends.”

“I appreciate that. But, if you don’t mind my asking, why exactly did you decide to resign?”

“I finally found something I truly enjoy doing, and I’m going to pursue it.” Jumin nodded, and quietly remarked, “I see.”

“I’ll start looking right away for your next assistant with the time I have left. Now, if you'll excuse me.” she bowed slightly to him and turned towards the door.

“Assistant Kang.” She looked back at him. “...Thank you.” Her eyes widened in surprise.

“I...was only doing my job.” Jumin nodded.

“Yes, exactly. And I am thanking you for doing it with as much dedication as you have.” She blinked several times, then simply nodded to him and exited the room.

That had been 3 days ago. Jumin leaned back in the airplane seat and closed his eyes. Only 4 days left until she was gone. All he could do now was hope that his next assistant would stay at least a little bit longer than 3 weeks.

~

Yoosung Kim needed a job. It was almost summer break, and he was going to be graduating university soon. He needed money to be able to pay for medical school. His good grades alone couldn't make him a veterinarian.

He was 22 now, so no places should have any qualms about hiring him anymore. But he still couldn't find any places that were right for him. He briefly thought about C&R, remembering the internship application he'd sent in a year ago, but then dismissed it. They wouldn't hire someone who wouldn't even be going into their line of business.

He groaned and rubbed his eyes, considering gaming to take his mind off things. He retrieved his headset and logged onto LOLOL, his favorite game.

He played 3 rounds, but just couldn't get into any more, so he switched to his email. To his confusion, he had an email from someone named Jaehee Kang. Do I know a Jaehee Kang? I don't think so.

He opened the mail and his eyes immediately widened. C&R? What do they want with me? I was just thinking about them too, huh... He fervently read the email’s text, at first not comprehending the words. He reread the first paragraph a few more times, understanding but not believing, until he ripped off his headset and snatched his phone off the desk. He input the number listed in the email’s signature and held the phone to his ear.

“This is Jaehee Kang.” A polite, but tired, female voice answered.

“Ah, yes. I’m Yoosung Kim. You emailed me about the job offer as an assistant?”

“Oh! Thank you for calling me.” Her voice perked up a bit. “Are you interested in the job?”

“Yes!” He coughed, trying to cover up his eagerness. “I am. When can I come in for an interview?” She was silent for a moment.

“It is a bit sudden, but I would like to say tomorrow.” He sputtered a bit - only a little! - and she continued. “I’ve already reviewed your résumé, after all.”

“That’s right. Yeah I can do tomorrow, then. What time?” The woman made a small thinking noise before responding.

“2 p.m.?”

“Alright. Thank you very much!”

“Thank you. If you’ll excuse me.” With that, she hung up. Well, she seems like a very nice lady. I wonder what that Jumin Han guy is going to be like. Oooh! I should tell 707 about this!

8:37 - DuDe

8:38 - Ya?

8:38 - REMEMBER WHEN I APPLIED FOR AN INTERNSHIOP AT C&R

8:38 - Yaaaa

8:39 - I’VE GOT AN INTERVIEW TOMORROW WITH THEM FOR AN ASSISTANT JOB

8:39 - wo~ah. Whose assistant are you gonna be?

8:39 - Well it’s not a certainty yet it’s just an interview

8:39 - BUt I’m going in to be interviewed for being Jumin Han’s assistant

8:41 - YOU MEAN TH E FRICKING EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR

8:41 - THAT JUMIN HAN??

8:41 - holy. Shit. Yeah that one

8:41 - DUudE HE WAS KNOWN FOR NOT KEEPING ASSISTANTS MORE THAN LIKE 2 WEEKS THEY ALL SAID HE WAS A HORRIBLE BOSS

8:41 - What’d he do??? He didn’t sound TOO bad from the lady’s description.

8:43 - Apparently he’s really cold and unreasonable and basically like a slave driver

8:45 - well...people exaggerate

8:45 - BRO

8:45 - Bro. This is the only job offer I’ve gotten in months. I NEED money for med school. And for money, I need a job

8:46 - alright alright alright whatever

8:46 - just be careful

8:47 - Careful of what? I’m just going to be his assistant. And I still might not even get it

8:47 - IDK man. Just be careful

8:47 - yeah yeah

The next day, Yoosung arrived at C&R at 1:45. He’d been too excited and nervous to wait any longer to leave. He stood outside the revolving doors for a few minutes, working up the courage to go inside. He finally took a deep breath, pushed through his apprehension, and into the lobby.

The lobby was actually a lot quieter and more reserved than he’d imagined in his head. The high ceiling and sleek metal surfaces gave it a very futuristic air. Yoosung saw professionally dressed people walking around purposefully. He looked down at his own clothes (namely his bow tie) and wondered how much he stuck out. He decided it didn’t matter whether he stuck out or not. He squared his shoulders and strode towards the reception desk.

The man sitting there spoke before he could. “How can I help you, sir?” He said. Yoosung didn’t think he’d ever been called ‘sir’ by someone older than him before. He almost laughed.

“Ah, hello. I’m here for an-um-interview.” The man nodded and directed him to the correct place. Now, he had to get on an elevator. Great. An elevator. I hate elevators. I hope I don’t get stuck in the middle. Please don’t let me get stuck in the middle. He hurried towards the elevator bank, and noticed - mercifully - that there was no line. Maybe I won’t even have to be with another person on the elevator! He pushed the button and stepped back, making sure he wasn’t in the way of anyone walking.

The steel doors whooshed open and Yoosung practically fell inside. The nervousness was starting to really wear him down, and he very much wanted to get the interview over with. As the doors were closing again, a hand reached through them and they opened back up. A tall, handsome man strode through them and Yoosung crept to the back of the elevator. They stood in silence for a few seconds, until the man said something unexpectedly.

“So.” The man didn’t turn towards him as he spoke. “Are you to be my new assistant?”

“I’m sorry, what?” Now Yoosung was uncomfortable and confused.

“We’re going to the same floor, you have a guest ID badge, and you seem very afraid. Was I incorrect in assuming that you’re here for an interview?” Those points all made sense, but he couldn’t quite believe that this man was Jumin Han. Shouldn’t he be a lot older? He was supposed to be the executive director, and this guy didn’t even look thirty!

“Ah. Excuse me. I forgot to introduce myself. I suppose you may not know my face unless you read those senseless magazines.” The man finally turned to look at him, and put his hand out. “Jumin Han, Executive Director.” Oh. Shit. This was the guy?

Yoosung met his eyes and shook his hand firmly.

“I’m Yoosung Kim. And yes, I am here for an interview.” Jumin nodded, but didn’t turn back around. Instead, he turned more towards Yoosung, his eyes bright, his voice a little less deadpan, and asked,

“Are you allergic to cats?” The elevator dinged over his response, and Jumin stepped out.

“If you’re to be my assistant, I hope you aren’t. This way.” He made a beckoning gesture and continued down the hallway.

Why...does it matter... if I’m allergic...to cats? I suppose I’ll find out soon.

~

The interview went smoothly. A lot more smoothly than he'd expected. Ms. Kang was very polite and professional. Luckily, Jumin didn’t sit in on the conversation, which would've made Yoosung feel waaay more nervous than he already was. All Ms. Kang did was ask Yoosung things like, “Are you okay with late hours?” and “Why do you want this job?” and a few out-there questions like, “Are you allergic to cats?” Ms. Kang explained that Jumin's cat, Elizabeth 3rd, sometimes required taking care of.

The day after, she called him with the good news. He'd spent the day titillating between apprehension and excitement, overthinking his behavior and wondering if everything he'd done had been a mistake in hindsight.

When Jaehee told Jumin about the good news, he didn't react with nearly as much excitement. He was glad that she'd found someone suitable, mind you, but still displeased that she was leaving in the first place.

On the phone call, Yoosung asked her why it was that she was resigning. He wouldn't want the job if Jumin was actually a horrible boss, obviously.

“Um...if you don't mind my asking, why exactly are you resigning?”

“It makes sense that you would ask that. I found my true passion, coffee, and I'm going to be opening a coffee shop with one of my close friends.”

“So it has nothing to do with Jum-I mean Mr. Han?”

“No. He's a fair boss, as long as you're willing to work hard.”

“Oh. Alright. I am definitely going to work hard!”

“I hope you will. I'll see you tomorrow at 8 a.m., then?”

“Yes ma’am! Thank you again for choosing me. I won't let you down.”

“I will hope not. If you'll excuse me.” When he got off the phone with Jaehee, he yelled ecstatically in his apartment. His neighbor banged loudly on the wall and yelled back, telling him to shut up. He looked apologetically at the wall and whisper-yelled excitedly instead. He had just gotten a job! And tomorrow he'd be shadowing to see what he'd be doing. He decided to text his best friend, 707, again and tell him the news.

7:17 - dUUUDE

7:17 - I!Got!The!Job!

7:18 - HOLY SHIT THAT'S AWESOME

7:18 - despite who your boss is gonna be lolololol

7:18 - yeah yeah whatever with your superstition

7:18 - BUT I'M SO EXCITED

7:19 - I'M GOING IN TO SHADOW THE CURRENT ASSISTANT TOMORROW

7:20 - alright alright

7:20 - bUT YEAH THAT'S PRETTY AWESOME I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU

7:20 - YAYYY

7:21 - YAYYYYYYY

7:21 - okay okay I'm calm now

7:21 - I'm gonna play LOLOL wanna join?

7:22 - man I'd love to but I'm working

7:22 - T_T alright

Yoosung shut his phone and booted up his computer. Tonight would be his last rage for a while, and he’d only play until 10 o’clock. He was going to be a responsible adult for the first time in his life. Tomorrow would start a new chapter in his life, and he wanted to be well rested in preparation.

[militaryspouse101]

New Post has been published on Military Spouse

New Post has been published on http://militaryspouse.com/news/navy-ids-2-dead-8-missing-sailors-from-the-uss-john-mccain/

Navy IDs 2 Dead, 8 Missing Sailors From the USS John McCain

Shared from Yahoo News

The U.S. Navy has found the remains of two of the 10 sailors missing after the USS John McCain collided with an oil tanker near Singapore.

Divers recovered the remains of Electronics Technician 3rd Class Dustin Louis Doyon, 26, on Thursday night. He is from Suffield, Connecticut.

They earlier recovered the remains of Electronics Technician 3rd Class Kenneth Aaron Smith, 22, who the Navy listed as being from New Jersey. His mother said Smith grew up in Novi, Michigan, and moved to Norfolk, Virginia, as a teenager with his father.

The military says five sailors were injured and 10 were missing following Monday’s collision. The Navy says missing soldiers were from Missouri, Texas, Maryland, Ohio, New York, Connecticut and Illinois.

The collision tore a hole in the ship’s left rear hull and flooded adjacent compartments, including crew berths and machinery and communication rooms. The U.S. Navy said it has suspended search and rescue efforts, though divers continue search and recovery efforts inside flooded compartments of the ship.

Here are brief portraits of Smith, Doyon and the missing sailors:

___

Electronics Technician 3rd Class Kenneth Aaron Smith, 22, of New Jersey

Darryl Smith called his son “a great young man” who made his family “incredibly proud.”

“Kenneth was a great young man, son and sailor,” the elder Smith said in a statement issued by the Navy. “He truly loved his family, the Navy and his shipmates. I am incredibly proud of his service to our country. He will be greatly missed and I am thankful we had 22 wonderful years together.”

The third-generation sailor, who worked in radar technology, was in the fourth year of a seven-year commitment and had considered a military career like his father.

April Brandon, who lives in Michigan, told Detroit media outlets that her son joined the Navy out of a desire to serve his country but also for the education it provided. His long-term goal was to develop video games.

___

Electronics Technician 3rd Class Dustin Louis Doyon, 26, of Connecticut

Doyon enlisted in the Navy in April 2015, and reported to the USS John S. McCain, his first ship, in June 2016.

“We appreciate the courageous work of the crew in the aftermath of the collision,” his family said in a statement.

Doyon graduated from Cathedral High School in Springfield, Massachusetts, in 2009. The school was destroyed in a tornado in 2011 and its students were later sent to a new regional Catholic high school, Pope Francis High School.

Democratic U.S. Sen. Richard Blumenthal called for “a swift and thorough investigation to determine how this could have happened and how to prevent future tragedy.” He added that it’s the fourth Navy accident in the Pacific since January and second involving a Connecticut sailor.

Ngoc T. Truong Huynh of Watertown, Connecticut, was killed in a June collision between a destroyer and container ship off Japan. He was one of seven sailors killed aboard the USS Fitzgerald.

___

Electronics Technician 1st Class Charles Nathan Findley, 31, of Missouri

Findley’s sister, Toni Greim, says she and Findley spent most of their childhoods “attached at the hip” and “moved around a lot as children with a Navy dad.”

After spending some of his childhood in the Kansas City suburb of Parkville and attending high school in the northern Missouri city of St. Joseph, Findley got his GED and found the Navy. Greim, who is 34, said her younger brother was “really into computers.”

“It’s crazy how much he excelled,” Greim told WDAF-TV on Wednesday. “He’s always graduated first of his class. He became First Class. He’s getting awards; he’s sailing around the world; he fell in love with a woman named Riho and married her.”

Findley has an 8-year-old daughter and a 6-year-old son who live in Virginia with their mom.

Greim said the hard part is “just not knowing” what happened to her brother.

“I want to know where my brother is — I want to know what’s taking so long,” she said.

___

Information Systems Technician 2nd Class Timothy Eckels Jr., 23, of Maryland

Eckels initially wanted to go into the Army, but his mother put her foot down.

“Absolutely not,” Rachel Eckels recalled telling her son in an interview with The Baltimore Sun. “They’re the first to go to war, the first on the line,” she said.

Eckels enlisted in the Navy before graduating from Manchester Valley High School in 2012, but had to delay entering the service due to medical issues, his mother said. She told the newspaper he was an athlete in school and loved cooking.

Rachel Eckels said he would call her from the ship a couple of times a week and tell her about their port visits in Japan, Vietnam, Australia and Singapore and about life at sea.

“At night the sea is so still that it looks like ice or a sheet of water,” she recalled her son telling her.

The last call from her son came Sunday morning, but she missed it, she told the Sun. Hours later, her ex-husband texted her about the collision, she said.

___

Electronics Technician 2nd Class Kevin Bushell, 26, of Maryland

Bushell tried a few jobs after high school but nothing really excited him until he decided to join the Navy, his father said.

Thomas Bushell said the service ended up being a good fit for his son, who didn’t mind the regimented schedule or taking orders.

When Bushell was growing up, the two of them enjoyed riding all-terrain vehicles in the woods together. Thomas Bushell described his son as an outgoing man who gets along with everyone.

“There was never a mean bone in that boy’s body,” Bushell said. “He was a joy growing up. He was just the sweetest boy,” he said.

If his son is gone, it’s because “God wanted him back,” Bushell said.

“To me, he had nothing left to prove to the rest of the world or anybody about what kind of man he was,” Bushell said.

___

Information Systems Technician 2nd Class Corey George Ingram, 28, of New York

A county executive from New York’s Hudson Valley expressed his support and admiration for the bravery of Ingram and his fellow sailors, as well as those involved in the search and recovery efforts.

“Our thoughts and prayers are with his parents, Hubert and Jacqueline, one of our own Dutchess County employees, and his friends and loved ones during this time,” Dutchess County Executive Marc Molinaro said. “We appreciate the brave men and women who are searching for Corey and his fellow sailors, and we pray they soon bring these American heroes home.”

Ingram’s parents, Hubert and Jacqueline, live in Poughkeepsie, where his mother works for the county’s Department of Social Services.

New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo said in a statement that his “heart goes out to” relatives and colleagues of Ingram and his shipmates, who “dedicated their lives to serving our nation.”

___

Electronics Technician 3rd Class John Henry Hoagland III, 20, of Texas

When looking out from the deck of the USS John McCain, Hoagland often was struck by the immensity of the Pacific Ocean and the sparkling clarity of the stars above.

His mother, Cynthia Kimball, said Hoagland knew as a 5-year-old that military service was for him. A recruiter steered him toward the Navy.

“He wouldn’t have wanted to be in any other branch,” Kimball said Wednesday. “He sends me pictures of just water.”

Hoagland spent his early years in Cleveland, Texas, northeast of Houston, and later lived in the Central Texas city of Killeen. He had long expressed an interest in stepping out of Texas and traveling the world, she said.

Hoagland enlisted in 2015 and has served aboard the McCain since October as an electronic technician.

“He’s very proud of what he does,” says Kimball, who lives with her husband at Fort Benning in Georgia.

___

Interior Communications Electrician 3rd Class Logan Stephen Palmer, 23, of Illinois

Palmer loved serving in the Navy because it let him see the world after an eye injury kept him from being an Air Force fighter pilot, brother Austin Palmer said.

He said his family is in shock and worried but hopeful after hearing Logan is among the missing. He told WAND-TV in Decatur, Illinois, “I speak for my family when I say that we have put our faith in God’s mighty hands.”

The interior communications electrician 3rd class petty officer graduated from Sangamon Valley High School. His family said in a statement released by the U.S. Navy that his relatives are thankful for all who have offered prayers and support as they await word from the military. They called it “a very difficult time for our family.”

The Palmer family attends Life Foursquare Church, where the Rev. Mark Cooper told the (Decatur) Herald and Review there are hundreds of people praying, “pulling together and believing for the best in this situation.”

U.S. Rep. Rodney Davis said he’s spoken with Palmer’s mother, Theresa Palmer, and called the family “extremely proud and patriotic.”

___

Electronics Technician 2nd Class Jacob Daniel Drake, 21, of Ohio

Drake’s fiancée, Megan Partlow, said she has been planning their wedding scheduled for next summer, but now is overwhelmed and unsure how to proceed.

Partlow, 20, told the Columbus Dispatch that Drake last texted her on Sunday. Drake’s relatives gathered at their home in the rural Ohio village of Cable, about 50 miles west of Columbus, but she said they aren’t ready to talk.

“I just want him to be safe,” she said.

Drake graduated from Triad High School, and fellow graduate Boston Gregg remembers Drake once fit himself into a school locker “just to prove a teacher wrong.”

“Everybody I know is praying for him and pulling for him,” Gregg said.

Drake’s sister, Veronica Drake, told the Springfield News-Sun that he joined the Navy after high school graduation partly out of a desire to travel. She last talked with him a few days before the collision.

“In December he was going to be back in the United States for good,” she said.

___

Interior Communications Electrician 1st Class Abraham Lopez, 39, of Texas.

The alumnus of El Paso’s Irvin High School enlisted in the Navy in 1997. The Navy says Lopez had been stationed in Japan, Spain, Pearl Harbor, San Diego and the Great Lakes before he joined the McCain crew in November 2014.

He was an enlisted surface warfare specialist with a Navy Marine Corps Commendation Medal and the Navy Marine Corps Achievement Medal to his credit.

In a statement, Texas Gov. Greg Abbott said Lopez and Electronics Technician 3rd Class John H. Hoagland III, also from Texas, “represent the best Texas has to offer,” and he extended condolences to his family.

Democratic U.S. Rep. Beto O’Rourke of El Paso also extended condolences to the Lopez family. Regarding the collision, the House Armed Services Committee member told the El Paso Times that “there has to be accountability for this and make sure this doesn’t happen again.”

Connect with us on Facebook!