#id kms because i need to feel loved

[girlthativealwaysbeen]

dni.

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

INTRODUCING THE NEW AND IMPROVED COMFYBAG

yall remember how JUST last night i was saying i needed 2 get a new backpack

[madebyteenagefury]

unfiltered first reactions to gpi as if i were livetweeting because i think it would be funny (spoilers below!!):

are these 12 year olds or do they just talk like that.

can i touch it, dawg WHAT

dont even know their names but i already love em and only want happiness for them (may be because they strike me as children) (update they were children)

why did bro bite his hand

WHERES THE OTHER BED GOING. NO. HOSPITAL?? NO!! NOT AGAIN :SOB:

i need subtitles oh my god,,,ADULTS NOW!! i see. doug. theyre in suits and he has a bandage yall boutta kiss rn?? OHHH FUCK ohhh oh man. boutta be so fucking sick over doug aw shit

"his name is assface!" oh babe.

"you know." oh BABE. oh fuck.

think about what all the time???????????????? THINK ABOUT WHAT??????????

this is so 'are they lovers' 'worse' and nothings even happened but so much has happened.

ooooh five years

corey. THEY KISSED(before)!!! FUCK!!! MISSING TOOTH!!!

this hurts ohmy god. screaming. theyre gone.

two beds again?? are we flitting between times. 13 ahh yes we are oh i love this so much. what if i hit corey with the autism beam. what then. doug is so me im gonna lose my mind. like when theyre kids. auughh

DO YOU WANNA PRACTICE KISSING?/ SAWG???god thats the gayest shit ever. everyone who says that never means it casually change my goddamn mind YOU CANT/lh doug fucking w first kiss logic is hilarious yes king.

oh my god hes throwing up. DOUG NOO AHAHAH. fellas is it gay to throw up in the same can after kissing.

augh one bed again OUGH HOSPRIALo ohh no. 28. dont do this to me. not after falsettos.

hey again! hes not responding. kms. NOO IS HE IN A COMA OH FUCK

"im trying not to swear so much" giggled

"her"?? dawg no way THEY HAVENT SEEN EACHOTHER SINCE HIS EYE??? oh fuck me man. babe stop saying rtrded please. hes moisturizing his fucking hand oh. MY GOD.

you cant marry her cuz what about me?? SAY YOU LOVE HIM ALREADY FUCK

OOO TWO BEDS. THEYRE CLOSER!!!! ONE BLANKET!! OOOOO!!

18 fuckin called it. 10 yrs ago. thin mints slap hes so real for that. the knocking on his cup shouldnt have tbeen that funny. giggled. okay theyre so besties but like this is so gay. bestie behavior but. they love eachother. (doug is mad about not knowing that corey's been having sex, which like id be upset if my bestie didnt tell me too i get it but correct me if im wrong, this feels insanely jealous

"cuz youre too youung!" YOURE FUCKING EIGHTEEN???

im so sick over doug HES SO ME FUCK ok fuck.

im so. insane. fuck. "whys everyone gotta be so mean?"

"youre not a faggot. youre not" ohhh ow. oh oh my god

okau so when he says :you have blood on your jeans. when did you start [that]: i cant make out what he says or what theyre talking about im assuming its sh??? if so?? fucking ow kill me??????

timing of me watching this. fucking wild. did not want to cry tn (im not but were dangerously close to it)

I CAN NOT FUCKING DO THIS OH GOD

milo when i get you. milo when i fucking. get you./lh

"youre the best thing thats ever happened to me" after THAT?? FUCK ME MAN WHAT THE HELL

he better be fucking awake or i swear to god.

33 OH FUCK MANHES HAWAKE HES AWAKE OH FUCK OH THANK GOD. FIVE YEARS AGO/?? COREY VISTED HIM FIVE YEARS AGO. is he in a mental hospital?? oh boy. these boys are fucked up.

theyre fucking soulmates. i will NOT be taking criticism. WHY ARE YOU LYING YOU BEGGED HIM TO WAKE UP ASSHOLE. doug makes me want to hold my own heart in my hands and feel it beat. dawg why u lying.why is corey mean to him :(

ohh parallels. oh they. hurt. differenty. but the same. ohhhh my god

"because i might not make it back"

if one of them fucking dies. i stg. 23 10 yrs back. wait this is the first bit again/? WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR TOOTH. DUDE. OH FUCK.

criyng at dougs speech after the kiss.

oh fuck OFF. only the poster wtf

i need the playlist they got. 38,,,

i went "hes fucking dead isnt he" and he rolls in. "im gonnakms"

"dont touch me corey" sobbing.

pleading with my screen for it not to end like that and its over.

milo. oh my fucking god

[roo-bastmoon]

"so in that kumbaya post u just openly admit ur a fat ugly single abused people pleasing jkker? not suprised. u all r. id kms if i were u."

Hmm.

Okay.

Quite a bit to unpack, there.

To answer your question: Yes, I'm a bit overweight right now--it's part the hormone blockers for the cancer and part my own emotional eating the last few months because, ya know, it's a bit stressful battling cancer. I plan to get back into working out after Yoongi's concert, though! And I'm not hideous, but I'm definitely not gorgeous. You're right, I'm single, have been for years, by choice. I do tend to people please a LOT (working on boundaries with a really sassy wonderful cognitive behavioral therapist--10/10, highly recommend CBT!). And I absolutely love and adore Jikook, for sure, as well as all of BTS.

So... guilty as charged.

But no, my "flaws" aren't a reason to DIE. I still have value, dear throw-away-account-in-my-inbox.

Despite my many shortcomings, I still have purpose. I still get pleasure. I can still do amazing things in the world and create some meaning in this life. All people are works in progress. Me, too. Who told you you had to always be exceptional to ever be worthy?

I'm not perfect. But I can try to be good.

In case you need a reminder, here's what "good" looks like:

I hope you heal from whatever wounds others gave you to make you calloused and aggressive toward total strangers.

I hope when you read this that you unclench your jaw and relax your shoulders, because you are safe and sheltered and you know there's no immediate threat.

I hope you can afford a nourishing meal and a long hot shower with amazing-smelling soap to restore some of your energy, which must be flagging, since you're spending it on Asks like this.

I hope you get a great night's sleep in a comfy bed, and wake up feeling refreshed and ready to face whatever challenges are a part of your days. Because I'm certain you have challenges just like everyone else.

I hope you have someone you trust, who you can talk to, who will listen to every word intently, and try to empathize and understand you and give you good counsel.

I hope at the end of your day, when all the work and chores are done, you get to read a really engrossing story, or listen to a thought-provoking podcast, or check out some amazing music that makes you feel alive and excited to be so.

I hope you remember yourself--your true self--the kind of person who can be kind.

Because the universe returns your energy back to you. I promise you, eventually, it does.

So here's some kindness from a random overweight absolutely flawed single Jikook fan on Tumblr, who genuinely wants you to be healthy and whole as soon as possible. We all will be better off when you start to heal.

Now, to get us both back into a place of calm and gratitude, you inspired me to make a donation to NAMI. If you ever need mental health help (and who doesn't?) they have some great free resources that you can check out HERE. Please never seriously consider killing yourself, or even joking about it, for any reason. Every day, every moment, is a new chance to start from scratch and make your life into something you prefer.

And if you're not open to talking to a therapist right now, there's a free app called Insight Timer with tons of great meditations, calming exercises, insightful podcasts, and mood-resetting music.

So, this is as much of my time and energy as I can give to you. I wouldn't have even answered you, except the K-pop community just suffered a loss from suicide this week and I felt it important to address what you said. But now I've got some streaming and voting to do in between my real-life responsibilities. So this is the last we will interact under your sock puppet account. But I hope you see this post, and I hope you know I really mean it. I really mean that you deserve to heal from this toxic anger you're taking out on others. I know you can be better.

"Who says a dream must be something grand?

Just become anybody.

We deserve a life.

Whatever, big or small, you are you after all."

--Paradise, Love Yourself: Tear, BTS

For everyone else, if I keep getting Asks from sock puppets like this, I'll turn off the option to message me unless we follow each other. I already turned off anons ages ago because of these types of messages. I will limit access to me, not as a punishment, but just because it's important to protect my (and my friends') energy against negativity. I am here for BTS, not drama.

This fandom needs to work harder to reflect BTS' values, or else what are we all doing here?? You don't have to agree with anyone about anything, but you do have to at least be civil.

If you're looking for a fight, you won't get it from me. My tongue is ruled by the law of kindness.

With sincerest respect,

Roo

P.S. Jimin and Yoongi are close to record-breaking milestones. Please don't waste any time or energy on this sort of thing--keep streaming!

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Idk if I sent this in or not hard to remember what I do. Not tw I wanna know if any of u know anything about masochism in childhood? I used to be a very masochistic kid personality wise and anytime my parents or other adults wanted to punish me id usually set myself up to be punished, like I knew I was a bad child in their eyes and that’s who I was so like when one of my bully friends would do something unkind or vandalize someone’s property I would sit there where he did the destruction and I’d wait for adults to like come over and blame me. I didn’t fight anybody I just cried and said I was bad and evil terrible difficult child to myself I repeated to myself what the adults said to me and I took punishment esp bc the bully friend would do something bad in the neighborhood then blame me (but all the adults knew he was destroying property they admitted to me when I was older) but I’d sit there and not fight and take punishment from adults and just be like “yeah I’m a evil child who deserves to be hurt” I didn’t mind taking on everyone’s punishments or everyone’s blame. There were some times when I’d fight back but that was usually when I was being antagonized and pushed to react by other kids who loved provoking and touching me to react. That’s different stories though. I remember hating myself so much I wanted to be blamed for everything or kms as a child. Idk why I was like this? Would you know?

Hi anon,

There are various reasons why we, even as children, intentionally put ourselves in harm's way. Sometimes we do it to self-harm, which is typically to distract from a preexisting pain, whether physical or emotional. Sometimes we do it to seek attention because negative attention is better than none; children who act out or intentionally seek negative attention are often experiencing neglect. So, it sounds like all of these behaviors you're reflecting on may be explained by some earlier context that you may or may not be aware of.

If anyone has any insights or comments, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[appl3l0v3r4lif3]

Tw mental problems or whatever

Holy shit I hate my life

I wanna like absolutely be a bitch to my family so that they don't care as much when I kms but I'm too much of a pussy to

My life isn't even bad, I haven't been abused,I haven't been raped or bullied, I just hate living

Some boy was kicking the back of my seat on the minibus this afternoon, make me wanna kill him,but I won't, cause that'd mean id have to touch him and he stinks like doodoo and i bet he has the black plague or something

Me and that boy act similarly but he's meaner, I hope so at least, or am I just mean? Fuck I'm probably the same as him, maybe that's why I hate him, or it's because he stinks, I probably stink too BC I have to wear special deodorant so my eczema doesn't get worse

I hate my life, why can't it be worse, like why can't I have a reason to feel shitty other than feeling shitty, in a life of joy I have to bring a reason to feel sad, I don't know why

Do I need a reason for sadness????? Idk bro

I just wanna die

I should probably change my blog name bc my love of apples died when the summer started

Why did I have to start to grow spiteful in the summer??

It's meant to be happy

Not sad and alone

Speaking of alone

I'll be spending Halloween alone

Again

None of my friends in my town every wanna hang out with me

I'm 13

I should be out being happy and doing tomfoolery and making memories,not being cooped up in my room cutting myself

Why do I have to live?

[marzzthehuman]

HELLO!☆

this is info about me+my blog!!! PLEASE READ BEFORE YOU FOLLOW!!!!!!!!1 (last updated october 24, 2024)

matching pfps with @/tex-now !!! hoorayyyy!!!!☆～（ゝ。∂） current favorite thing: INANIMATE INSANITYYYY!!! SORRY I’VE BEEN SO INACTIVE I’VE BEEN BUSY WITH SCHOOL 😔😔😔😔 meet the artist MIGHT be in progress!! yippyy!! hooray!! i also dont like how big this post is but illl work on ittt --- i’ve got a strawpage! it includes basically the same info as here but also more! and you can send me doodles and such! (i have just realized these are all things you can do on tumblr) (warning- it does contain moving images/gifs!) im aware the formatting is a little weird but i tried to make it neat :) id recommend you check it out!

I’m Marzz! (the amount of Z's does not matter!! it changes every time i type it. lately i’ve been using 2!)

i go by she/they pronouns! (AFAB) i am genderqueer and on the aro/ace spectrum!

I AM A MINOR!! (teenager)

DNI!! if you are: racist, homophobic/transphobic, an NSFW account, ableist, pedo, proship, Zionist, etc. also if you support Wilbur Soot or pusu please go away

(more, less important, info is located under the cut!! trying not the make the post TOO big!!)

If i EVER offend you in any way or say something wrong/make you uncomfy, PLEASE TELL ME!! I am never trying to be mean or disrespectful on purpose and if i have been rude to you, PLEASE inform me so i can apologize and improve my actions!!

mutuals: please tell me if you want anything tagged and I will try my best to do so!! 🫶🫶🫶🫶 for me, please tag things like nsfw/nsft (not counting on it being a common occurrence, but just in case, because some things can fall into that category!), mentions of sh and similar, and child injury, thanks!

PLEASE refrain from saying things like "this isn't real" or "you're dreaming" because it makes me upset. thank you! :)

another thing is that if you are going to make a ‘im gonna kms’ joke please use ‘/j’ or something so i know you are not serious, because saying this will get me very worried, even if i can sense you arent serious, (if i can pick up on the joke depends on how well i know you) please use a tone tag anyway!

please, please, please tag posts about suicide with ‘tw suicide’ or some variation of that please. id rather it not be mentioned around me, thanks! (if we are friends and you need to vent or something, please ask first/give me a warning. tagging it counts as a warning, im just saying if we were having a one-on-one convo)

~~

my asks are always open, so feel free to send me an ask!!!

~

About me!!

I can be energetic and am a positive and optimistic person!!! Along with that, please remember I have bad days sometimes, too!!

I love getting to know people and learning fun facts about them while also sharing fun facts about myself!!

the fandoms i am most active in are: Project Sekai. that's about it. i also like other things too! I also really like Lemon Demon, Doctor Who, and The Muppets (as in any Jim Henson production)!! (I am also into TBHK, Scott Pilgrim, Lucky Star, and Warrior Cats, though I wouldnt consider myself in the fandom) i am also into musical theatere and my favorite musical is Cats!

Trust me I know how to spell it's just keyboards are hard. yk what. words are hard.

i tend to use emoticons/kaomojis/emojis a lot!! i feel like they are helpful to getting my feeling across because online you can’t read tone or facial expressions!! (ó﹏ò｡) i also use hyperboles much more than i should, but they should be easy to spot!

guys guess. guess who my favorite pjsk character is. its the hardest thing to guess guys.

~

I write fanfiction sometimes!! You can find me on Ao3 as MarzzzzTheHuman !!

yap posts will (hopefully) be tagged with: #marzzz's yappy yap yaps ! yap posts will include either me talking about pjsk, some sort of rant, or just sharing random things. (probably most things will be tagged with this. I'm bored and have a lot of thoughts.)

just random text posts or other stuff (just random stuff basically) will be tagged with #marmalade is here

art from after july 14 2024 SHOULD be tagged with #MARZZ ART YAAAYYY ! !

'marzz, how can I talk to you?' tags of posts, (I love seeing the little messages in tags!!) asks, or DM!! I love talking to people!! 'can I call you a nickname?' Mutuals, yes!! but please run it by me first! >.< (‘marzzy’ is already a nickname given to me by a beloved friend so i’d prefer if only they call me it, thanks!) 'can I use your art?' Yes, but please ask first! I will allow my art to be used as pfps or banners (with credit) and for personal use like wallpapers. DO NOT repost my art on other sites, don't steal, and don't feed it to AI, please!

I'm just here to have fun, honestly! I mainly post art and reblog things but when i have access to my computer for an extended period of time i just say random things. If I want to. :D

this post should update somewhat regularly, but who knows!!! (I am aware this post needs serious reformatting.. and its currently under construction. kind of. I miiigghhtt make a 'meet the artist' thing but who knows lmao)

[rhymaes]

.

the way ive been trauma dumping on this site this past year & each post has felt hopeless but with an air of 'i know it will pass because i have purposefully created an open future where i can surpass my fears, create my own life where i can be me & enjoy what i love, & conquer what [x] did to me' & then it all collapses within two weeks & there genuinely is no hope for it & not in a haha it feels hopeless way but in a no things are happening so far outside my control that the people who Are in control were like. nah your fucked dude. sorry. is like. a different kind of horror helplessness. like okay lets rewind. i dont get into medical grief on here bc then id kms but like. okay. so 2022 i thought [x] was going to die & i told No One ever but also they knew i had [x] who i cared abt & was concerned for & everyone in [x] kept treating me like shit over it SPECIFICALLY & spreading rumors abt me bc i am a lesbian & then 2023 [x] & [x] & [x] all decide, separately, they want to be fun & quirky & try it with the gay girl so they can brag abt it to their bfs (im genuinly not being biphobic like. i mean they are straight women who would. do this. shit like. they said it. and then tried to queer it up when i told them to fuck off with it & they still needed their gay card bestie to fuck their ugly ass men who abuse them??? what the fuck!!!) & still gaslight me for caring abt [x]'s health & then tell me im selfish bc i wont drop everything for them & then try to out me & usher me into my greatest fear. okay. anyway. then 2024:like. u didnt think it could get worse is whats so funny!! like i faced my ed, lack of medication, insane financial struggles, tore myself out of a codependecy she imbeded in me so far that this now is the only time ive actually been Me for two years, & so many interpersonal issues & on-going griefs & then like. 2024 was like so? u know. that thing. the one youve been working for. that u were emotionally banking everything on & then u Did actually achieve it like we have the paperwork over it & u were also using it to prove to yourself that [x] may steal your work but she cant steal everything from u & also this is the only thing u could spend ur life doing without waking up every morning thinking abt how to kill urself? yeah actually you cant have that we changed our minds lol!!! & we didnt know how to tell u :/ so thanks for reaching out! but its not u is the thing like. youre so good bro. its an outside factor & oh yeah no theres like. nothing u can do like. u should drop it man. try next year. its not like u got through this year for that alone & put up with every thing that cut u so deeply bc u knew this would pay off not because u deserve it no but because u actually earned it & worked for it. but bye try again next year. like!! oh!! okay!!! im going to find the sexiest fucking ledge i can actually hahaha!!!

[eddie-rifff]

suicide talk tw

tl;dr at the end

lol. something happened at work on friday that may very well not relate to me or effect me in any way but i am worried im going to lose my job over it. like i want to clear it up asap but im worried asking about it will make me seem insane in case it DOESNT relate to me but if it does i need to know. so yeah all day ive been like hardcore anxiety at a 8/10 with 10 being screaming crying panic wondering what im going to do with my life if i get fired. like if im too stupid to do what i do now, and its the only thing i have experience in, then what the fuck am i supposed to do? proofreading is my only "skill" like seriously i cant do anything else. so if i get fired for the one thing i was supposed to be good at i think thats it for me as in lights out shows over. so i told that to my friend and he was like well how would you do it and i was like ummmmm. idk actually. in the past ive tried to OD on meds and, clearly, that didnt work. we didnt have anything in our house powerful enough then and i dont think we do now but id have to go through my dads stuff to be sure. our guns are like not really capable of killing a human theyre more like varmint guns so that wont do. we have the train tracks but i couldnt do that do my family so. if i get fired im not fucking applying to hundreds of jobs for three years again. i think i might just live in misery forever until i can find a way to kms i guess.

but like i said. i dont even know if what happened friday has anything to do with me. im just so so so so worried that it does. i am so incredibly fortunate to have the job i do, such that any seed of doubt that can be scraped together to suggest that it might be in jeopardy just makes me insane.

like idk it would really probably be for the best that i do die asap for my own good. but ive seen firsthand three times now how absolutely devastating the suicide of a young person is on countless people around them. like the person whose visitation i went to was the sister of a former best friend who i met maybe two times 15 years ago and i have been thinking about her and tearing up regularly since i found out. but idk im not nearly as likable as she was so i wouldnt necessarily have that effect. i kind of fucking suck in fact. i know shelby and my family and my ex would be very hurt but is living out the rest of my life in pain worth it just to spare their feelings? i guess thats the question every suicidal person has to ask.

like i know i am no one's #1. i know my place. but i know my family still loves me in some capacity and imagining them finding me dead and grieving me just hurts so badly. but if i get fired and am faced with what i had to deal with prior to this job idk what else im supposed to do. it really really feels like my only option

i am so fucking sick of trying to get better. i WAS better but then the idea of being fired got put into my head (by myself) and here i am again. i really will be ok as long as i dont get fired. but bro i dont think i can take any more of it if i do. the therapists and the shrinks and the drugs and the "im here if you need to talk"s i just cant fucking take another second of it.

tl;dr

im worried about getting fired because im reading into something that happened at work and now im suicidal again hooray

[rillils]

RILS IVE JUST FINISHED MERLIN SEASON 2

AND I AM SOBBING

I REPEAT

I AM SOBBING

TEARS ARE RUNNING DOWN MY EYES EVER SINCE MERLIN TOLD HIS DAD THAT HUNITH WAS HIS MOM

AND I AM CRYING SO MUCH OH MY GOD

AND ALSO, SOMETHING THAT GETS ME SO SAD FOR SOME REASON IS

WHEN ARTHUR WAS GOING TO FIGHT THE DRAGON OUT ON THE FIELD AND ASKED THE KNIGHTS THAT THEY COULD LEAVE AND BE FINE OR THEY COULD COME WITH A PROB 99% CHANCE OF DYING

AND MY BOYS, MY MOST PERFECT, MOST NOBLE, MOST HONORABLE BOYS, THEY ARE KNIGHTS FOR A REASON RILLLSSSSS THEY GAVE UP THEIR LIVES FOR CAMELOT AND I AM GONNA GO CRY AND KMS BRB 😭😭😭

i am typing this with tears running down my eyes excuse me

MERLIN SHOWING THE DRAGON MERCY AND PROMISING TO KILL HIM IF HE EVER COMES BACK IS AMAZING I LOVE HIM FOR THAT

also, lets go back a few episodes

THAT EPISODE WHEN MORGAUSE HAD SHOWN ARTHUR HIS MOTHER

WHEN MERLIN COULDVE HAD ARTHUR KILL UTHER WHILE THINKING THAT MAGIC CAN BE A GOOD THING

BUT INSTEAD HE CHOSE TO LIE AND SAY THAT MAGIC WAS BAD BECAUSE HE KNEW THAT ARTHUR WOULDVE HAVE REGRETTED THAT DECISION, THAT ARTHUR WOULD NEVER HAVE HAD FORGIVEN HIMSELF FOR IT

MY BABIESSSSS 😭😭😭 MY BOYSSS 😭😭 MY SWEET SWEET BOYSSS

MERLIN BABY 😭😭😭

YOU ARE STILL SO YOUNG AND YOU HAD SUFFERED SO MUCH. AND FOR WHAT?? BECAUSE OF MAGIC?? HE DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG?? WHAT WAS IT THAT MADE MAGIC SO WRONG IM GONNY CRY AMD JUMP OF A CLIFF

THEY DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG

id say more things but im too busy crying to even make my brain work

I NEED A HUG 😭😭😭

SWEETHEART 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 I feel for you, I really do, honey 🥺🥺😭😭 I remember all too well what a trainwreck of emotions season 2 was!!! The episode with Morgause, when Merlin amd Arthur shared their memories of the parents they had lost, and it was such a beautiful and soft moment 🥺🥺 And then Merlin sacrificing his chance to have a normal life and not having to hide his magic anymore, because he cared too much about Arthur and he didn't want Arthur to have his own father's blood on his hands 😭😭😭😭😭😭 AND LATER, ARTHUR THANKING HIM FOR MAKING HIM SEE THAT MAGIC IS EVIL AND DANGEROUS 😭😭😭😭😭 I'M CONVINCED NOW, OUR BOY MERLIN JUST KEEPS PULLING STUNTS LIKE THIS BC HE LOVES TO MAKE US CRY 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

THE KNIGHTS!!!!!!!! The knights being 10000000000% ready to die by Arthur's side because they're so fucking loyal and they love him so much 😭😭😭

AND AND AND Merlin's dad??!?!?!?? The fact that they were robbed, YET AGAIN, of the time they could have had together, it just breaks my heart 😭😭 And I think- it's been a while since I rewatched the show, but I think this was also when Arthur was trying to comfort Merlin in his own way, and told Merlin that "no man is worth your tears" while Merlin was helping him put his armour on?? Without realizing that the man in question was Merlin's dad and that Merlin had had to watch him die 😭😭😭😭😭😭 THIS SHOW, I FJUKCNIG SWEAR AJFHSKHFKDLJDK

Baby I'm just, just sending you all the hugs in the entire world, okay, all of them 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕 Please be strong, sweetie 🥺😘😘😘💖💖💖💖💖

[khodorkovskaya]

Hey so men are shitbags and I'd like to ask your opinion on a situation here......

So right been talking to this guy...... and we often had quite slowish convos like answering every few hours when we werent busy etc....

But he was kinda chatty lile telling me about his day and sent a selfie after having a drink etc

But then after that got odd.... like didnt respond to my question for 2 days, but then responded to it and asked me a question like what I was planning for the weekend etc so I thought he wanted to talk... but then didnt respond for over a day again but was nice like, oh that sounds lovely are you planning on doing much there?

So again I thought he wanted to talk becasue why would you ask questions if not right??

Again answered a day later, like it literally took him 30 hours to say what his dog was called... I said happy birthday and he was like thanks so I asked if he had a nice time,and he got a bit chatty again like answering within an hour etc, yes he did then he asked if I had much planned for this week so obvs I responded and asked if he did too??? But like it's the end of the week now and hes never responded so I'm like?? Did he actually want to speak to me or not?

Hes also liked my photo I posted of me

But I'm a bit like, does he actually wanna talk to me?? Becasue one min I think he does when he asks questions right because why would you if you didnt wanna talk but then hes read my response and question asking what he planned and just not replied and ifs been a few days, that makes me think hmm maybe he doesnt wanna talk actually????????

What's your thoughts please??? Also ik not a psycho on just generally confused becasue I thought he might like me and I just want a bit advice or opinions please becasue I've never talk talked to a guy in years....

Do I message and ask if he had a good week??

if there's one thing that my past relationship's taught me is that if you want a fulfilling relationship with someone, they have to have the same texting style as you. both of you have to be on the same page in terms of how you communicate. (and im not talking only about romantic relationships, this can apply to anything really.)

so my ex for example would always take super long to reply and i always found it super frustrating. as my mum says, i always be on my damn phone! so it's weird if someone takes over an hour to reply. for me, if i don't reply, it's because A im extremely busy or B im ignoring you. otherwise i reply almost immediately to any text i get bc my phone is always next to me. that's how i function and i want my future partner to be on the same page.

my ex was completely different, he didn't have social media and his phone would always be on silent and he would often even leave the house without it. so he would always take hourssss to reply. i, being the lonely teenage girl with low self esteem that i was, would send him a billion texts, spam him with memes and call him all the time and when he wouldn't reply id feel sad and abandoned. so i totally get what you're saying with the guy being chatty and then ignoring you for two days, that was literally my ex. we'd see each other, have sex, and then he just wouldn't reply for 24+ hours. and id want to kms.

and every time i would be super frustrated, not only because i felt like he didn't care about me, but also because i felt like i couldn't rely on him. what if something urgent happened and i needed him to pick up the phone? every time id text or call him there would only be like a 10% chance that he would pick up or reply immediately.

and it also imposed the fact that he was the one controlling the relationship. id text him "let's hang out" and then wait for the whole day for him to reply, unable to make other plans bc what if he replies and im not free anymore. so id spend days in my room, ignoring my friends, hoping that he will check his phone and agree to hang out with me. if he said yes, id reply the very second bc it was that rare for him to be on his phone. and sometimes the day would go by and he'd text "no" at like 8pm and it would be too late. i even changed the notification sound for him to be sure i don't miss a text from him... my phone usually vibrates once when i get a text, but for him i put two long vibrations, so even if my phone is in my purse, id know it's him.

anyway, please don't make the same mistake i did and chase after a guy who doesn't respect you enough to answer your texts. i know we're all different and we all have different habits when it comes to using our phones. but at the end of the day, if the guy's texting style doesn't match yours, you're gonna feel frustrated and unappreciated and it's gonna ruin your days. and he's gonna have power over you.

xoxo

[but-aint-this-texas]

yuliia, sheltered brat, and anyone who knows me/cares abt me please do not read more.

Anyone else, be mindful. Triggers in tags.

why can't I do anything?

I forget my homework the second I get home. The days over n I'm like a week behind on my English. I didn't touch my math and I have like 5 pages to do.

I forget all my exercise goals. I make a plan in gym class n I haven't made any progress in a month.

I want to eat less/healthy n I make a commitment at school n then I get home and fuck it all up. The only time I could remember or be productive was when I was counting my calories. I think I should go back to that because I was so productive, looking for homework and crafts and shit to do whenever I was hungry. Yeah I was sad and tired and always fucking fatigued but give me a tea n music and I'll do everything I need I went so far ahead in my math papers but lost all that by now. If I stopped eating I swear I'd be able to finish all my character tracking.

Id be able to get in my exercise, I'd remember because a fucking apple is so much of my budget I need to burn it all off. And in our health unit of gym she was saying how nutrition is more than an exchange of calories but as long as I get macronutrients, vegetables, and nothing more, then restricting is fine, right? I'd still get all the shit I need to live but I wouldn't be such a fatass n I wouldn't want to eat all the time and I'll have to break for Thanksgiving 2: electric boogaloo but it'll be ok.

Ive lost all progress in math. I used to be a fucking star student, I was always on top of my work, and this was only a month ago. Now everything's gone. I'm so far behind in English it's actually not funny, I feel like I'm gonna fail. I'm such a lazy bitch I just sit around all day n make excuses n do nothing n then blame other shit for my own failures

It might be the Tired and Period and Haven't Controlled in Days talking but I'm being logical I saw results when I was hard on myself I got stuff done. I did shit. I felt good. I got praise I drank water I felt skinny I felt light and bright and loved and productive and not all dark and sad and worthless like I do now. The teachers have nothing to praise, I snap AR my family and 'friends' and one of my friends I haven't talked to in days because they've been sick from school n I haven't had the fucking guts to reach out and same with my girlfriend I seriously doubt she still even cares about me I haven't talked to her and our last conversation faded so fast I'm worried we're gonna split and I don't want that I want this to work and I want to be good and productive and pretty and happy and God I want to be happy and I want to be kinder and I just fucking wish I were dead because I wouldn't have to feel like this all the time and my brother found my blog so I'm taking a big chance posting this n I hope none of you see this because I don't deserve attention but then again if u were to reinforce this shit maybe it'd get through my skull and I'd actually be able to start this instead of being a lazy piece of shit

Fuck this. Yknow what imma make a plan.

-eat only dinner, liquids, and count vegetable calories. Do not exceed 500.*

-walk >1 km daily and do all finch exercises.

-do not do anything after you get home until you've finished all homework.

I feel like it's achievable. 1. Do homework 2. Walk 1 km 3. Do anything but eat until dinner* I can do that every day. It's so easy guys. I get home, set up my homework, do that n then reward myself with a break, a nice walk in the cold, alone, possible with my podfic. Then I can do whatever I want, I can make my friends bracelets, I can finish the stickers I promised someone like a month ago, I can do anything. It's not strict at all. J found life's cheat code. I've got it gang.

*I have no choice in what I eat for dinner or how much. I can only control it to a very limited extent without someone punishing me for it. This is the only allowance I will give myself, except in the case of any medical emergency, which will not happen.

Easy! I should be able to Control semi-often from now on, and im gonna have such a great life. I got this. Homework, walk, done. Easy. Homework, walk. There is no complexity to it. I will have to stop at the end of my walk for a minute to do the rest of my exercise but it's fine <3

Im doing great <3

[necrotised]

Valentines day got me reflecting on the fact that I'll never give myself away to anyone unless I'm 100% convinced they'll never never never ever leave me and that's never happened before so I'm basically destined for loneliness. Dating websites, sex and romance disgusts me. But I fall in love too quickly but I just reject people because I have a phobia of intimacy, emotionally and physically, there will always be a wall between me and everyone else, and I will never lift it, for fear of them stabbing me, which happends enough even with the wall unlifted, so if they struck me bare I would just kill myself. Hearing all these people causually talk about exes. Ha ha, I'm too psycho for that, I would not be alive if I'd given my soul to someone and then they leave, it sounds like there's no point in living. So relationships are too much I'm not sacrificing my life for anyone and that's the only way they work in my head so nope thank god I'm not in a relationship I'm too psychotic and also either 100% empathetic or 0% empathetic no in-between if u love me I will feel all ur emotions I will sacrifice everything for you and worship u but if u betray me I will murder u (and kms). Bpd makes me so dramatic and CRINGE this is why I can never have a normal relationship I am so avoidant and passive and id never ask anyone out because that feels so shameful and vulnerable and every time I'm vulnerable it reminds me of when I used to be bullied so I need to protect myself and keep the walls up and stay away and be proud and seem perfect, can't reveal my flaws to anyone cause they'll use it against me . I'm convinced that true love doesn't exist between two people!!!!! That's why it's not for me, I'm not letting someone exploit me

[satocidal]

i just massaged my head and now the headache is gone SO HERE I AM FOR MORE!!

naw i get the maturing up part - see thats why its different i feel like even doe im the same as him personality wise. i still have like a mature vibe to me kinda bc eldest daughter lol so i like to believe id be able to teach him how to deal with his emotions and how to talk abt them like an adult yk? (i can fix him vibes LOL) but this may be a flaw in our rls too bc like man...im tired of bearing other ppls burdens and teaching them i wanna be held and cared for too

which brings me to this point - i feel like a rls with geto would be sooooo healing for me like hes mature enough himself and like very emotionally strong i like to believe and idk he just gives off the vibe that he'd deffo be yhe one who'd heal me

qnd omg its the same with choso too, aldoe he would be a bit lost bc he himself is figuring out how to be human soooo yeah but its okay we both can teach other how to deal with our emotions <33

wow what happened there?^ ANYWAYYY

more coming:

ROMEEEE WHAT DO U THINK OF HAKARI?!?!?!?!?! AND KASHIMO???? OMG ok listen i am soooo in love with their character design omg like iskeidk i wanna know more abt kashimo like who is this guy and whats his goal and whats his purpose????

also what do u think of higuruma hiromi??? i am in love with that dude okay!! like i hadnt even read the manga and i was in love with him thanks to tiktoks like WOAH THAT PANEL OF HIN IN THE BATHTUB!??!?!??! mama mia...

also you can write whatever u want for me omg i will eat it up and lick the plate too please i love you ALSO wait i wanna give u a nickname too its not fair u call me jaaneman and i call u rome like i need some ideas for u

See see see this is the point- I’m the eldest daughter too so like that’s the issue- I wouldn’t want to be mature again Ina relationship and then it’d be stressful for me and knowing gojo can be a little rough I’d overthink and kms after a fight💀so this is why seeing a poly with geto and gojo would work amazing for me because like. Slay. Just slay.

As for geto? I knowoooooo relationship with him is bound to be healing baby<3 and like I know you could fix him surely😭

Listen all I need is someone like shipping me with either so I can pay attention to all these characters (because tbh rn I barely know anything about them so I just don’t see it but with enough persuasion yk yk) and as for hiromi, just not my type lmao😭seems too boring

Let me get some time and for sure<3 also to call me, you can call me ri or Riri (nickname directly from my real name that I used on my old blogs) orrrr you can dip with smn cringey from Bollywood lmao- as long as I feel your love jaaneman

[foxstens]

gotta rant about irl stuff so. don’t read this

i recently realized i don’t like walking. well, i don’t have strong feelings about the activity itself and i do like it sometimes, when i’m with someone or when i have a purpose or when there’s stuff to look at during the walk. but i don’t like doing it just for the sake of it, just because ‘exercise is good for you’. yes i fucking know its good AND YET I HATE IT ANYWAY. IT’S BORING AND EXCRUCIATING AND FRUSTRATING AND IVE HATED IT AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER

there are stretches and stuff like that that do work for me but i rarely feel like doing them, usually i just forget or i just can’t find the right moment to get started or whatever, u know. technically walking would be the easiest way to get in the minimum workout for a ‘healthy lifestyle’ and the thing is. i can walk for 10 km a day. i know i can bc ive done it before, we do it basically whenever we travel somewhere for a vacation. so you’d think doing so for like 2km a day would be easy. but its not bc i hate getting dressed i hate leaving the house i hate walking for no reason and especially i hate doing anything because ‘i have to’.

why is this relevant? because i took 2 weeks off and went to do some medical check-ups. most of them went well, i learned i have psoriasis that’s like, inherited, and there’s no way to cure it but it’s also not particularly dangerous and there’s some creams and shampoos n shit for it which seem to work. i found out i have a pretty bad allergy to one type of pollen and a moderate one to like bedbugs or whatever, so that’s cool

i also went to obgyn and it was ok, turns out what i have is pcos or smth similar so its more a hormonal issue, so i got some blood tests done and brought them to the endocrinologist. and did not have a good time there

the first thing she asked as soon as i entered the room was when i started gaining weight, then proceeded to ask me other things related to my weight, then proceeded to prescribe me weight loss and exercise and recommended a nutritionist and she also pretty much refused to explain how weight loss specifically would help my condition and it was just. i had an amazing experience with all the other doctors i went to but this one just treated me like a number on a scale and IT WAS ON MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY AS WELL

this is exactly why i haven’t been to a doctor outside of a dentist in years, because i either expected to be diagnosed with something deadly and terrible or to be dismissed because of my weight, and while im glad the first one didnt happen, the second one sure felt like a punch in the gut. so i was actually open to going to the nutritionist she recommended just to see what said nutritionist would say or if she’d be open to actually explaining stuff, but she doesn’t have any open slots until january and i don’t rlly wanna wait until then. i do not want to die anyway bc i just can’t see how it would help and after having done some research it seems it doesn’t help as much as doctors think it should

like just thinking about it logically, i have a hormonal issue which means even just maintaining a certain weight is a lot more difficult than for other people, LET ALONE TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT. and how does decreasing the number on the scale help my fucking hormones anyway. i do not understaaaaaaaaaand. she didn’t say that i need more of a specific nutrient or mineral or vitamin or anything that would help said hormones, she just said i needed to lose weight since that /might/ help my periods become more regular and it might also help with preventing some other diseases i’m more prone to due to this particular condition and also because im fat. that’s what she said at least

she did prescribe me lots of vitamin d which is good in general i guess but she didn’t say what specifically it would help me with. but i dont wanna go back to this doctor anyway. and id love to look for another doctor who’d actually look past my weight and actually explain stuff and be helpful, but i live in eastern europe so i’d pretty much need a miracle to find such a doctor. and sadly my time and money aren’t infinite so idk what the fuck to do. i can’t just leave it untreated and hope for the best. i mean i could. but that’s never a good idea and knowing my luck it’ll def bite me in the ass if the world doesn’t end first, sooooooooo.

it’s all so fucked. OH AND I SHOULD ALSO GO TO THE PSYCHOLOGIST OR PSYCHIATRIST AT SOME POINT. THAT’LL BE FUN. I CAN’T WAIT TO HAVE A TERRIBLE TIME AND ALSO TO NOT BE DIAGNOSED WITH WHAT I ACTUALLY HAVE. HAHA. ok that’s an exaggeration, it prob won’t be that bad whenever it happens and i also can’t know that i actually have it unless i get diagnosed but. yea. f u n.

[astraystayyh]

ok after many listens i think this is my current ranking:

1. chk chk boom (and its Festival Ver.) (officially dethroned thunderous as my favorite title track IT’S SOOOO GOOD!!!!!! my fav parts are hyunjin’s cunty voice and seungmin singing filling up my truck yeah you want that riiiiiiiiiiide,, I WANNA LEARN THE CHOREO SO BAD TOO like the only complaint is that it’s too short)

2. runners/mountains (SUCH GOOD ENERGY IM IMAGINING THESE IN CONCERTS AND AWARD CEREMONIES wahhhh truly the greatest songs and the production quality???? 3racha went crazy with the beats,, also the vocals and raps that are delivered??? wow everyone truly did a phenomenal job)

3. twilight (HANPOP. i am a huge fan of hanpop i need it to breathe and i love the melody of this song SM cant wait to read the eng translation)

4. stray kids (self explanatory i love stray kids and it’s a song about stray kids by stray kids like… im in this skz shit for LIFE,,, also need a chant with all the member’s names in it like imagine how cool that’d be with the ohohohoooo.. goosebumps)

5. i like it (MY TOXICCCC SONG cant relate to the lyrics as a pro yearner and if im ever in this situationship id kms but… it’s so good SO GOOD GOT ME DANCING)

6. JJAM (JUST BECAUSE IT’S LAST DOESNT MEAN I DONT LOVE IT,,, have a feeling it will literally stick to my brain like… changbin always adds a certain something to his songs that makes them so addicting,,, jjam is item’s sister btw)

ATE…… stray kids you guys are crazy and this is my favorite album to date