#id have to think harder to remember the others because ive never. wrote them down. actually. maybe i should put a f/o list in my carrd 4fun

[spamtonromantic]

Absolutely drop the f/o list

- @water-mellie-seeds

HI LAKE of course. so

okay maybe they arent that different

(sneo, banhammer, and sebastian solace)

[shhh-no-ones-home]

green looks good on you  vinny mauro x reader

+++++++++

Request from @gardenjungle : "If you are taking requests, I would LOVE if you could do an imagine where the reader has a ton in common with Chris (likes hockey and Harry Potter, is a vegan, etc...) so they’re super close, and Vinny is super upset about it because he likes her sooo much and “Chris gets all the girls” ??? Vinny gets no love and you’re one of the only people who writes about him often. I’d also love if you could get a little sexy action in there"

Ngl this is like 1600+ words and i wrote it in like twenty minutes and loved every minute of it. i really hope you like it! i didnt end up adding anything ‘sexy’ but its pretty gratifying to say the least lol.

Song: gold by sleeping with sirens

tag list: @musicsexandpizza69 @svintsandghosts @alilpunkrock @cynic-spirit @theoneandonlykymberlee @ryansitkowskiswifey @joeybarber @thisplace-ishaunted

+++++++++

i rocked back into the couch, laughing at what chris had said. he was sat next to me, very comfortably, as we chatted amongst ourselves. we had been very close friends for a very long time and i was over the moon that he'd invited me to travel with them for this tour as the videographer. not only did i get to expand my portfolio but i also got to connect with my best friend and his band.

"okay but do you remember that one fall at the orchard when you tripped on that apple and ended up face first in the dirt?"

he laughed out and i sent him a shocked expression.

"i thought we agreed to never bring that up!"

i protested, the other guys around us sort of laughing along, them only half paying attention as they played a new video game. their focus was above our heads.

"but it was hilarious. i looked up for a split second and BAM! there you went."

he said loudly, being a little more expressive at the 'bam.' i shook my head at him.

"okay then, if we are ratting each other out about stupid shit weve done,what about that one time you got your hand stuck in the Christmas tree ties on your dads car?"

i said matter-of-factly. his eyes got wide.

"hey! that was an accident and you know it. we couldve taken my whole arm off!"

he said in his defense.

"i thought it was hilarious."

i said sternly back, smiling widely at him. he stuck his tongue out at me, a notion i gladly mirrored. then he grabbed me around the shoulders, pulling me to him. i screamed at the sudden motion, looking to vinny and rick who were sitting across from us for some guidance but they were to into the game.

"you two are too much."

ricky laughed out, looking at ryan for a second as he walked by. chris pulled me closer before licking a stripe up my face.

"ew!"

i said pulling away from him and wiping his saliva off of my face.

"asshole!"

i said, grabbing his face and blowing raspberries into his cheek. he laughed incredulously, pushing me away from him.

"youre nasty."

he said mimicking my notion and wiping his face. i punched his arm lightly before swinging my legs into his lap, him holding them there and looking down at me endearingly.

"so are you."

i said back, shaking my head at him, nose scrunched.

"you know you love me."

he said, bringing his face closer to mine.

"well yeah."

i said back, squinting at him.

"i think im done for tonight."

vinny said suddenly, pausing the game. ricky sent him a look like 'wtf?' and watched him stand.

"im gonna go get some air."

he said and we all watched him walk off the bus.

"that was weird right?"

i asked and they all nodded. i had a good few chances to talk to vinny since tour had started and he seemed like a really cool guy. someone id be lucky to call a close friend by the time tour was over if not something more. part of me felt bad, like chris and i really where too much for him to handle in that moment. but this was how we always were. we practically survived our teens years together, losing touch for a bit but inevitably going back to the way things where when we found each other back.

"you guys mind if i go out there too?"

i asked and they all sort of shrugged at me, chris letting my legs go so i could stand. as i did i leaned down and kissed the top of his head.

"dont miss me while im gone."

i joked and he rolled his eyes at me.

"of course not."

i laughed a little bit as i descended down the stairs, pushing the door open and seeing vinny leaning against the bus.

"you okay?"

i asked softly, walking to him and rubbing my hands together. i had sort of forgotten how cold it had got. it was late fall after all but the bus was so warm and inviting i didnt even think about grabbing a jacket before leaving. i half shivered as i walked closer, his face being illuminated by the street lights outside the venue.

"uh yeah, everything's great."

he said a little condescendingly, kicking his foot into the gravel under him.

"im sorry if we were too much, i guess when we get together we have a tendency to overshare and its not for everyone. but i suppose thats what you get when youre comfortable with someone the way we are."

i tried to defend to him and he let out a short sigh-laugh.

"its no big deal, you guys really like each other. its cool."

i smiled.

"yeah, hes my best friend."

vinny nodded once.

"how long have you guys been together? i dont recall him ever talking about you before."

i drew my brows.

"together?"

i asked and he seemed just as confused as i was.

"look i get it, chris gets all the girls, being the front man and all."

he seemed a little jealous.

"but i dont think he ever mentioned you before tour started and then one day he told us about some girl coming on to film us. but clearly you guys are close so do you have like a, i dont know, like a open relationship type thing?"

i laughed a little bit.

"you think chris and i are dating?"

he half shrugged.

"well yeah, its kinda obvious."

i shook my head and took his hand in mine.

"vinny i can assure you that chris and i are just friends. if anything hes like the brother i never asked for nor wanted but got anyways. but life just does that sometimes."

he looked down at our connected hands and let go of me promptly.

"i guess it just doesnt seem like that."

he said a little hurt. i sighed and leaned against the bus next to him.

"it would be kind of weird to bring it up to him but i like someone else in this band, if you wanted to know."

i said, looking at him a little hopeful he was picking up what i was putting down.

"oh."

he said sadly. i sighed, i guess not.

"yeah, hes super cool, and nice, and ive really enjoyed connecting with him."

i shivered as the wind blew and he finally looked over at me.

"are you cold?"

he asked, ignoring what i had just said. i nodded a little bit, crossing my arms over my chest.

"just a little bit but i ll be fine."

he shook his head at me.

"no way, here."

he said taking his jacket off. at least he had long sleeves on. he placed his jacket over my shoulders, pulling it together in the front.

"thanks vin."

i said as we both returned to our positions against the bus.

"would your new dream guy do that?"

he half joked, i could still hear the venom in his voice. he was absolutely jealous. i thought it was funny because now he was jealous of himself.

"actually yeah."

he scoffed, hiking his foot up on the side of the bus.

"great."

he said looking away from me. i stepped closer and nudged him.

"he would because he just did."

he looked at me and drew his brows together.

"wait you mean?"

he asked, his face turning to that of shock. i nodded.

"god, yes. vin ive had a crush on you since i got here."

i laughed out.

"i didnt think you would like me back and then i realized just now that that was utter bullshit."

he half smiled.

"and whys that?"

he asked a little cocky.

"you were jealous of chris and that has only happened to me a handful of times in my life. once in highschool when my boyfriend said he would break up with me if i didnt stop hanging out with him. once when i graduated college and my then boyfriend accused me of sleeping with him. and right now."

he looked down a little ashamed.

"yeah i guess that wasnt fair of me to do. i just figured since you guys hit it off so fast that you were into him."

i laughed a little bit.

"dont get me wrong i love him with my whole being, but seeing someone go through puberty just does something to your vision of them ya know?"

i asked and he laughed back, nodding.

"okay, well if you really are into me, would it be stepping to far to ask you out?"

he said hopefully and i grinned widely at him.

"i would love that vin."

he sent me a tired smile in the dim street lights.

"may i also be so bold as to ask if i could kiss you?"

i let out a nervous laugh. i was really gonna let that happen huh? i nodded.

"id like that a lot vin."

he stepped closer to me slowly, placing his hand gently against my cheek, running his thumb over it. his hands were rough and calloused from playing the drums so long but i didnt mind. it kind of felt nice. he looked deep into my eyes before leaning down and capturing my lips in his. all of a sudden it felt like home, like this was it, the thing id wanted for so long and never found. his other hand made its way to my waist as he deepend the kiss. i sighed into him, practically melting against his mouth like chocolate left outside in the sun on a hot day. when he pulled away he rested his forehead against mine and smiled like an idiot, one i gladly returned.

"fucking finally."

i heard from behind me, the bus door clicking closed. both of us turned to look, seeing ricky and chris standing there grinning from ear to ear. i had a mad blush splayed across my face now and was thankful that the light was behind me so it would be harder to see.

"how long have you been standing there?"

i demanded, walking to chris and punching his arm. he laughed in pain as he rubbed his arm.

"long enough to see the sparks fly."

he teased, pushing me back. i rolled my eyes at him.

"get your ass back in the bus."

i said opening the door and escorting him back inside. he made kissy noises at me as rick followed him up the stairs. i shook my head and turned around, jumping a little bit at vinnys presence behind me.

"rick had kind of been waiting for that for a while."

he said, looking up at the now closed door. i raised a a brow.

"oh?"

i asked and he sent me a bashful smile, scratching the back of his neck lightly.

"ive been crushing over you for a while too. and being jealous of chris just as long, rick's been pushing me to say something. i guess it just took one last little push."

he shamefully laughed out.

"at least now we're on the same page."

i said before standing on my tip toes and bringing him down to kiss me again, both of his hands going to my waist.

"now come on, im still cold and the bus is much warmer."

i joked and he nodded along.

"agreed."

[aplaceforthesoul]

Anonymous submitted:

uni and stuff.

Hello. I hope you reply. What’s your advice for all the people who is at a part of their lives where they don’t know where to take a leap towards somethong, whether they should take that step, if it’s worth it. When dhould they know that they should take the risks and do what it takes, at the same time, keeping in mind that not because they will take that risk, doesn’t mean that it will all be good from then on; - knowing that they’ll probably start from scratch, which isn’t a big thing anymore, since they’ve detoured already, traveled the other side of the road…at the same time being realistic and practical about this situation…work. etc. to survive. 

What if they just need to find out whether that path they wanna take, for years, for so long, is for them, bearing in mind that it might not be — but better say, (from a video i once watched) “oh well” than ’“what ifs forever’.? I just don’t know what to do. Maybe some will think that, I’m still young and i have a long time. But for lack of better word, i don’t have the luxury of time. Gosh. I just want to forget all the times, until just this moment, all the times I’ve thought that why cant my parents helo me rather than, dictating me what to do. Im starting to have these evil thoughts: during my time, they werent even this supportive and they dont event agree so easily. (and the thought that maybe becaude i am a girl always pisses me off, but i dont think it is the reason) eversince my second or third year of highschool, ive dreant of studying another course. For me education is a big deal. Thats why until now, i am so sensitive when it comes to this topic. Before, i out so much effort, although lacking - because i havent had honors or awards since third grade. (grade 1-6 is primary, 1st-4th year is highschool) gosh. And my mind is now starting to have these thoughts. How its so unfair. Before i wanted to go to a concert, as a graduation and birthday gift in combined, and i asked. And my aunt just said that there were way too many people at the line. And i felt sad. And of course there were going to be so much people. During college applications, i wanted to go to this certain university in our province, i didnt even dream of going to a university in another region, hours and hours away, — because i know they wouldn’t let me, and i don’t think i can —or maybe i just thought of that because they havent really discussed with me about my college plans. I just sort of just applied and all. And i got accepted to that school i wanted to go to, because it has the program i wanna study. I even was qualified to be interviewed for scholarshio. And i submitted my papers. And my father even went with me. Then my documents was sent to the school. Day of the interview, i wasnt able to, i didnt go. I dont know which one honestly. I wasnt prepared, and there something i did that day, and maybe in my heart i felt that my parents didnt want me to study there. I honestly think up to that day is the reason, why i wasnt even able to tour that uni, to even step foot and see what my uni for the next four years would be. Gosh. This is all so childish. I even remember telling my classmate that id try out for the scholarship, and she even told me to live in the dorm where they would be staying at… Four years later, shes graduating in that courae i also want and here i am, trying to accept, everytime, sometimes, i still would cry. For the most part, ive tried not to regret anythinf. But im in my fourth year now. And i realized that i wouldve dropped everything if only my parents helped me and showed me that they support me, that they also want what i want. I even wanted to shift to my second choice (i got accepted for my first choice) and they didnt allow me. Maybe if they did, i wouldnt have regret it so much. That at least its one of my top choices to study. God. And now. I feel like they just support my siblings. Gosh. I wonder if all those years, i looked sincere whenever i say i want to study another course. (im sorry this is all so confusing.) if they wouldve told me that they will lend me college money, and id have to pay it back after graduation, jist to study the course i really want, i wouldve. If only it was a year earlier, that the new course in my current uni, was introduced, i wouldve dropped everything, even if im in my fourth year, id rather spend another 3 years, studying what i want than graduate next year. I dont ever see myself working for this field, this course, because all these years, ive realized, my motivation was to study the course i want after i finish this course, which im currently studying. At the first half, yes, ive thought of transferring. We asked for details and such. It just didnt work. Its what i want right now. So bad. Its what i need. I never have ever joined competitions exceot maybe until my early years of pirmary school. Never joined competitions or contests that they need to support me in, why cant they just support me. And with all that they say, just based on the things they say, i think its a blurry, unclear chance that id be able to study it. Just now, she said to me ‘ah, too bad, your sibling wasnt able to reach the required grade for *thiscourse i like that sibli ng chose as second choice* I WONDER IF ITS POSSIBLE TO TRANSFER THERE. ’ i then said its what i want. (to study that course) this last part, really, really, ticked me off. When it was my time, they were set on not letting me choose that course. I know i did well. I did my best. Did they not see that. They couldve just supported me. Told me the truth. I hate all the false truths they say. Almost nothing reactions. Heck. I wish these were all just a dream. 

(its totally fine for me if you guys post this, (like make a post and then write your reply, if thats not too much, so others can read this too) it’s a long shot but i hopee this reaches you guys. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your help. Always. Reading your repsonses also helps me with similar problems i encounter, since 2013 i think. Thank you thank you

hi there <3 that’s a lot to think and feel all at once!

in short? I think the best way you know whether to take a leap or not, is to make sure that you’re making an informed decision. write down a pro / con list! write down all the reasons why you want to take this leap and all the good things that could happen, but also write down some of the risks and negative things that could possibly result in you making this decision too. 

writing down the list of “cons” or negative things that could happen isn’t to scare you! it’s to encourage you to use your critical thinking skills, it’s to encourage you to problem solve :) so take me for example, I made the massive leap to move to the other side of the world to live in London! and for a long time I was unsure about my goal, I wasn’t sure how I could make it happen, there were risks involved and a lot that could go wrong. so I wrote a pro / con list: I wrote down all the things I thought would be a good thing about me moving, I wrote down some of the risks involved in making this decision, and I took it one step further and wrote down some possible solutions to those risks (should they ever occur). and in doing that? it made me a lot more sure and confident about my goal in moving to London, and I was able to make a choice and say yes, I’m going to do this, this can happen. 

people sometimes underestimate pro / con lists? but I really think it’s such a good way to untangle confusing thoughts and to encourage critical thinking and problem solving, it makes it a lot easier when it’s laid out on paper in front of you. and if other people doubt you, like your parents? do it anyway! if you’ve done a lot of thinking about this goal and you want to take a leap and you’re informed about the risks, then it’s you who gets to make the decision about things. sometimes people are never going support you because they don’t have that desire for that particular goal and it makes it harder for them to believe in it, but that’s ok. if you want to take a leap and if you have goals that you want to achieve, then set out a step-by-step plan of how to get there and don’t let anyone get in your way. take care xxx

- tash

[dont-follow-me-im-scared]

My worst goodbye

Per my therapist request im "journaling" breakup I guess. I mean its been a long time coming but this time it was real and needed to this might be long but here goes:

The force,

I dont even know where to start so I'll start from the begining. The night I met you, when I walked into that bar I had no intention of meeting my soul mate. Yes soul mate. I never believed in them until I met you. But after 9 long years ive learned sometimes we meet our soul mate and we dont get to keep them. I had quite a bit to drink, see you didnt know this but I was 19 I just looked old enough to be there and I had gotten divorced a few months before my world would be forever rocked and changed. The night carried on the christmas air was no match for the drink and the long sleeve I had on. I removed layers the more I drank and I stayed close to the bar. This tall man with the bluest eyes id ever seen was taking care of my drink needs but young me saw a mountain I wanted to climb. I was informed you were married when the regulars realized my attention wasnt going anywhere but you. I flashed the bar (dumb kid is probably what you thought) but everyone in there knew it was for you. Hell I said I wouldnt do it unless you were there. The night carried on, my friends were restless trying to protect whatever modesty they felt I had that night. I wanted to go to the after party I was told youd be attending. They refused and wanted to get me home. Closing time was coming. I wrote my number on a napkin and waited. You went back towards the bathrooms and I knew somehow in my awe struck drunken stuper that was my chance. I walked back caught you right at the end of the hall. Do you remember what I said? I can. The words and moment is forever burned into my brain. "I can keep a secret". Slipped my number into your front pocket smooth as fuck. Which isnt me. But you know that right? Because after that night you saw sides of me no one was ever allowed to see. You saw me grow as a person and into a woman. That was the begining of the end. That singular moment with rumple on my breathe as I stood on my tip toes to lean as close to your ear as I could when I spoke those words. I took in how you smelled. I had no idea soon that smell would be my favorite and put my spirit at ease.

I woke up the next morning with a text from an unknown number. Then the conversation started. You filled in the parts of the night that wasnt clear. You made me nervous. A sensation that would never die down. Tuesday. She'll be at work. Dinner and hang out at the house? Sure. I bet you thought you were getting lucky that night. Not as lucky as I was going to be I guess. Because see even though this is a goodbye, and one thats tearing me apart I was so lucky to feel this. Not everyone gets to experience this with anyone in their entire life. You had a young child. Maybe 3 months I think. Timing in the universe is shitty like that. We sat on the couch. Me almost shaking with nerves but trying to keep my calm because I refused to look a fool in front of you. Do you remember what we watched? Big bang theory. And from then on anytime I saw an episode (I never watched it myself) my thoughts would gravitate back to that couch with you. Do you know how hard thats going to be on me now because that shows everywhere. I guess thats not your problem though. We didnt have sex. I was too nervous and I mean I felt like I was going to puke you made me so nervous. But there was a warmth. This tiny spark of a fire that was felt by me at least. We made out alot. But everytime you reached for my belt my gut screamed "No! Not yet" and ive never been one to ignore my gut. I left. I parked my car a few houses down. The late December air felt so cold against my face because my cheeks were burning like id be in the gym. This couldnt be real. I texted you when I got to the end of the street. "Im sorry I couldn't have sex with you I was so nervous if you dont want to meet up again i get it." I expected you to blow me off. I mean you are older and a bartender. I knew in my head what you were use to with women. I had only been with two people my whole life but you. You reeked experience. Then my phone did something that felt magical in the moment. It lit up with that text. That text reassuring me you wanted to see me again. The text that made me float the whole way home.

The visits became more frequent. Sex with you was amazing. You engulfed my body in what seemed like worship. Not one inch of me ignored. Hands and mouth just exploring the new territory. I was more adventurous. I wanted to make you happy in every way possible. Theres a need inside me to make sure youre happy. There's this new feeling like in a woman and not just some highschooler whos date is trying to get lucky. Theres a chemistry unmatched and indescribable in all honesty. It happened on the couch. The 2nd time I saw you. You carried my straddling body to your room all that was on was my unbutton jeans and your jeans. Your arms lifted me with such ease I gasped. I remember. See how much I remember. Your bedroom smelt like soap and the sheets smelled clean. The only light in the room was the green from the clock by your bed. Then before I knew it your mouth was where no other mans had been. You gave me a new experience I had been deprived of before. Then you were inside of me when I felt like my body was going to stop. Laying there after wards, your hands playing with my spine while we had small conversations in between sighs I considered if this could be forever. I knew right then you were different. I knew we were different. I knew there was something in my way but never desired to remove it. Your kiss at the front door when I was leaving had a longing. Like you didnt want to send me away. It was dark. The neighbors didnt know but as bright as I felt like I was shinning I wondered if they were peering out of the windows to see the source. Was any of this real for you? I dont think I want the answer because it was so real for me. This all sounds crazy. You're married and I knew but here I was.

It got to where id barley make it through your unlocked door without you scoping me up like youd waited all week to get your hands on me. The text in between visits didnt seem like enough any more. So I started doing what any logical in love person would do. I started getting hotel rooms and going to the bar on the weekends. I had to see you more. Hear your voice. See you smile at me from across that bar knowing I was picturing having you under me on every surface there. It made it fun right? Like we had a huge secret right in front of everyone. Including your sister in law who bartended with you some nights. It was a rush right? Knowing I was going to be in that weed infused hotel room half drunk mostly stoned in the see through black robe you love(d) so much. Knowing there was nothing between me and you but this thin fabric. Do you think people could see it on our faces? Your friends became mine because I was at the bar so often but none of them knew. Our conversations grew and we became friends who just happen to explode with this chemistry. It was more than what it had been but that was the most itd ever be. Remember the Halloween you dressed at a 20s gangster. Remeber the red dress i rushed into the bar in on new years eve so I could kiss you by midnight. Do you remember taking me in your arms around my waist and kissing me in front of everyone? I'll never forget because that was a moment where I thought this is how it could be. I met you for lunches. I met you at quicktrips for a five minute visit. Boyfriends came and went but you never left. I kept you around. Remember the apartments down the street I moved into so I could be closer. You whistling while I was waiting at my open front door. That smile. You nuzzling me after on the balcony while i smoked. I hated you had to leave me every time. You lingered in my door hesitant to walk away. The good thing about me living so close is you got to spend more time with me.

I stated you were my soul mate. I mean it. I have forever missed my chance with the one person I truly believe was made for me. All because a year of timing. You told me so many times had it not been for your baby youd leave. I believed you. I love my husband and my daughter but no one will ever light the fire you did inside me and still do. Which is why I need to walk away. Youre a source of confusion in my life. I cant allow myself to question if my relationships right because I dont have the feeling I did with you. Does that make me bad? I dont think so. I love him and dont want to hurt him which is why I have to do this. Cutting an imprint with you is one of the hardest things ive had to do but hurting him would be harder. I'll never forget a million things about you. Memories with you. I honestly hope you'll never forget me. I wish I could tell my daughter about you one day and how she never needs to settle unless someone makes her feel like you made me feel.

Love always

Youre biggest fan.

[boof-kun]

Do those... asks...

@bicep-naruto​ thank ;)

(1)Do You Sleep With Your Closet Doors Open Or Closed?

closed

(2) Do You Have Freckles?

nop

(3) Can You Whistle?

i used to be able to but now i cant :/

(4) Last Song You Listened To.

stan the beatsmith - heaven or hell

(5) What Is Your Favourite Colour?

purple but i also v like black, blue, turquoise/teal, and pastel colors

(6) Relationship Status.

songle

(7) What Is The Temperature Right Now?

48 degrees fahrenheit

(8) Did You Wake Up Cranky?

i woke up tired but i wasnt  cranky

(9) How Many Followers?

332

(10) Zodiac Sign.

capricorn

(11) What Is Your Eye Colour?

brown

(12) Take A Vitamin Daily?

no but i do take a couple different medicines

(13) Do You Sing In The Shower?

no

(14) What Books Are You Reading?

rule of the bone by russell banks

(15) Grab The Book Nearest To You, Turn To Page 64, Give Me Line 14.

this is a random book from a drawer (i havent even read the book i dont know why it was in there) “...and snarling about everything. Four smokers were...”

(16) Favourite Anime?

hhhHHHHH I HAve ToO MANY (death note is one of my favorites for sure though)

(17) Last Person You Cried In Front Of?

i think my dad?

(18) Do You Collect Anything?

i like putting stickers on my door (and i have a bunch of sheets of stickers in a drawer) if that counts as collecting something

(19) What Did You Have For Lunch?

i literally cannot remember

(20) Do You Dance In The Car?

no

(21) Favourite Animal?

cats are good friends. i also like penguins and dogs.

(22) Do You Watch The Olympics?

no

(23) What Time Do You Usually Go To Bed?

sometimes eight but usually around one

(24) Are You Wearing Makeup Right Now?

no

(25) Do You Prefer To Swim In A Pool Or The Ocean?

pool

(26) Favourite Tumblr Blog?

yours ;)

(27) Bottled Water Or Tap Water?

water from the fridge thingy

(28) What Makes You Happy?

you, video games, my cat, remembering rlly weird dreams

(29) Post A Gif Of What You’re Currently Feeling Right Now.

(30) Do You Study Better With Or Without Music?

mmmmmmm its about the same but its harder to focus if the music has words

(31) Dogs Or Cats?

i love both but cats are more chill

(32) If You Were A Crayon What Colour Would You Be?

the one no one uses

(33) PlayStation Or Xbox.

i have a playstation but for all i know xbox could be better

(34) Would You Swim In The Lake Or Ocean?

ocean. lakes are scary

(35) Do You Believe In Magic?

black magic (bc religion)

(36) What Colour Shirt Are You Wearing?

green

(37) Can You Curl Your Tongue?

no

(38) Do You Save Money Or Spend It?

i save money until i find something that i want to buy

(39) Is There Anything Pink Within 10 Feet Of You?

the blanket underneath me has some pink on it, theres a few random items with pink, some pink gel pens+markers+paints, and some pink on the stickers on my door and on the drawings from when i was little

(40) Do You Have Any Obsessions Right Now?

yakuza 0

(41) Have You Ever Caught A Butterfly?

like once or twice in third grade. one also landed on my thumb in my backyard.

(42) Are You Easily Influenced By Other People?

not unless their thinking is convincing

(43) Do You Have Strange Dreams?

yell heah

(44) Do You Like Going On Airplanes?

not really bc theyre boring

(45) Name One Movie That Made You Cry.

im not sure ive cried of a movie tbh

(46) Peanuts Or Sunflower Seeds?

sunflower seeds

(47) If I Handed You A Concert Ticket Right Now, Who Would You Want The Performer To Be?

id probably sell the ticket tbh

(48) Are You A Picky Eater?

slightly picky

(49) Are You A Heavy Sleeper?

no

(50) Do You Fear Thunder / Lightning?

no i like thunder/lightening the sky goes pew pew

(51) Do You Like To Read / Write?

i like both even though i literally never write 

(52) Do You Like Your Music Loud?

yeah but i get a headache after a while if im wearing headphones and its loud

(53) Would You Rather Carve Pumpkins Or Wrap Presents?

carve pumpkins

(54) Put Your Music On Shuffle, What Is The First Song That Came Up?

i dont have an actual playlist. i just like videos (mostly music) on youtube and choose what i want to listen to (i dont unlike any of the songs i dont listen anymore just because i want to look back at what i used to like ten years from now). anyway ill just close my eyes and choose something random bc if i shuffle it i wont know where anything is:

lights - klaypex

^^ i used to listen to that v often in fourth grade (i still like it tho)

(55) What Season Are You In Right Now? (Weather)

fall

(56) What Are You Craving Right Now?

love and affection

(57) Post A Screenshot Of Your Tumblr Feed.

(58) What Is Your Gender?

female

(59) Coffee Or Tea?

tea even though i dont drink either

(60) Do You Have Any Homework Right Now? If So, What Is It About?

i have a project for ceramics about 3d art from an ancient civilization, a specific artist, or from a movement

(61) What Is Your Sexuality?

aroace

(62) Do You Make Your Bed In The Morning?

ive been sleeping on the floor for the past few months so no

(63) Favourite Pokemon?

i dont have a favorite but when i was younger i used to watch pokemon all the time and i remember i loved piplup

(64) Favourite Social Media?

tumble dot come

(65) What’s Your Opinion On Instagram Stories?

i dont have much of an opinion on them

(66) Do You Get Homesick?

sometimes 

(67) Are You A Virgin?

yeah

(68) What Shampoo And Conditioner Are You Using Right Now?

pantene conditioner and dove shampoo i think? i usually get something random

(69) If You Were Far From Home And Needed To Sleep For The Night, Would You Choose To Rent A Crappy Motel Room For $60 Or Sleep In Your Car For Free?

id probably sleep in my car bc im afraid of motels especially crappy ones. i always feel like someones watching me in motels/hotels + since its a motel it might be nasty and im not taking that risk

(70) Are Both Of Your Blood Parents Still In Your Life?

ye

(71)  Whats The Next Movie You Want To See In Theaters?

i dont watch movies

(72) Do You Miss Your Ex?

dont have one

(73) What Is Your Favourite Quote Right Now?

all of the 34 sad quotes i showed you :))

(74) What Eye Colour Do You Find Sexiest?

i like all of them. i dont find any of them “””“sexy””””” though

(75) Did You Like Swinging As A Child? Do You Still Get Excited When You See A Swing Set?

GOD i was obsessed with swinging when i was younger... like my best friend and i in preschool were known for being inseparable and for always going really high on the swings. and ye, i still get excited when i see a swing set

(76) What Was The Last Thing You Ate?

i dont remember what i did five minutes ago let alone what the last thing i ate was

(77) What Games Do You Have On Your Phone?

neko atsume and thats it

(78) Would You Give A Homeless Person CPR If They Were Dying? Why Or Why Not?

no bc i dont know how to do cpr. if i did then sure bc itd be the right thing to do probably

(79) Been On The Computer For 5 Hours Straight?

yEALL HEAH

(80) Stalked Someone On A Social Network?

also: YEALL HEAHHE

(81) Do You Like Meeting New People?

mmmm typically no

(82) Do You Wear Rings? If You Do, Take A Picture Of Them.

no

(83) Do You Sleep With Your Bedroom Door Open Or Closed?

its open but barely bc i dont want the light to come in

(84) What Are Three Things You Did Today?

ate, saw you ;), and nearly poke myself in the eye

(85) What Do You Wear To Bed?

sweatpants and a tshirt

(86) List All Of Your Different Beauty Products You Have Right Now.

UUUU soap

(87) Are You A Day Or Night Person?

night

(88) List All Of Your Video Games On Your Phone, Console Etc.

wii u - botw, twighlight princess, hyrule warriors

ps4 - persona 5, fallout 4, neir automata, ffxv, yakuza 0, and two other final fantasy games

3ds + dsi that doesnt work anymore - animal crossing, ace attorney the trilogy, super smash bros, pokemon x, devil survivor 2, a mario game that avarey gave me, cooking mama 2, this zoo game that i lost, gardening mama, and maybe one more?

phone - neko atsume

((im planning on selling a few games))

(89) Tell Me About A Dream That You Had And When It Happened.

i can tell you irl bc theres a lot and its be more confusing if i wrote it out ;))))

(90) Favourite Soda Drink?

coke

(91) What Sounds Are Your Favourite?

f u n k y sounds + i heard some asmr of a person cutting chalk, soap, wood, etc. and that sounded nice

(92) Do You Wear Jeans Or Sweats More?

jeans when im going out, sweatpants at home (so probably sweats more)

(93) How Do You Look Right Now?

ungly

(94) Name Something That Relaxes You.

laying down and pretending im dead

(95) What Tattoo Do You Want?

maybe one of a constellation? or of a symbol from a video game or something i rlly like and means a lot to me

(96) Favourite YouTuber?

mmmm dan and phil are p entertaining and so is jenna marbles

[mattyslittleworld]

East Keansburg

P: Rob Sellig 

2:48 am / Thursday morning. Im listening to this new Tsu Surf & Mozzy project, thinking about this kid I grew up around. Ive been reading he passed away, which is such a shame. We grew up playing basketball together at St. Catherines in EK, middle school, high school, alternative high schools, programs together. Troubled youth. I have this specific memory of him from years ago. I believe I wrote about it in my last blog post, about watching somebody get curb stomped. I was a lost kid, me and my friends aimless, drifting from group to group. Ended up spending a lot of late nights in EK wandering the streets. This night specifically, there were about 7 of us. A homie of mine was interested in writing graffiti, and this was before music, so graffiti was basically my identity. So we met up at his house, where my friend had a group of heads over, and they were partying, selling, and just going off. He lived with his parents, which speaks volumes, because at this time in my life, everyones parents gave up...nobody gave a fuck, except mine, but they couldn't control me. One thing leads to another, my boy wanted to go bombing. So we leave his house with our paint, and just take the streets, 5 reckless kids fallowing us on skateboards and bikes. Wasted, loud, rowdy, reckless, but as an outsider, I found a silver lining in their terror....it was a middle finger to the society that never gave them a chance. It was a brotherhood. This specific kid, at this point, was in and out of county, witnessed him fighting over and over in school, and in the streets since day 1. We were walking tall through the backroads in EK....they were spray painting cars...houses...anything. No fucks given. Wasted...they were breaking windows...kicking dents in BMW’s. Playing music off the phone...they were all they got. Another group of kids ended up on the same block....and they went off. A fight broke out....and I have this specific memory of boy ripping his shirt off, passionate, raging with anger, to protect his brotherhood, his street crew, his family. Being around him since I was a little kid, school, ball, mutual friends....I never got to know him deeper than this...but I would always see him and just salute his pride, and his will to stand on his actions, and his will to fucking fight for who and what he loves. Rest In Power fam. A lot of homies reading this from EK who follow my music...yall know who I am talking about. I never got to know this man - but I salute him for how much of HIM HE REALLY WAS. I remember in 2006, I was a freshman in high school, and my cousin ended up in a fight with a senior over a friend who passed away. My cousin was intoxicated during this time, in school, and I ended up beating the dog shit out of this senior as a young kid. These EK boys were the only ones who showed love, who stood tall behind me, making sure I was good, safe, and assuring me I was doing the right thing. Cant let your family go down like that. Rest In Peace man.

Last year, days before Tsu Surfs album Seven 25 dropped, he doubled back and we hit the studio and recorded a song called “Make You Proud”. He dropped the album very shortly after and it went #2 on iTunes in under 24 hours, and I was sure I wasn't going to see that man ever again. A year later, here we are...a day before he drops this joint project with Mozzy...that debuted at #5 on itunes, were dapping up at a film set in Queens, NY to film the music video. A YEAR LATER, this man gave a fuck enough to pull up and bless my career with this video. That meant a lot to me. I specifically remember feeling alone, hopeless, in some of the darkest moments of my life. Just listening to his tape over and over and over....running laps at the track at Mader Dei Highschool. It gave me hope, it motivated me to get over the feelings that were weighing me down. My life was changing, and this eased the pain. Nobody likes the motions of change if it includes losing people you love....losing the ability to do things you love...and going places you love. You have to find new health, new wealth, and new routines. My new found routine was coffee in the morning...spending an hour studying the industry...listening to my podcasts...then immediately running laps listening to his tape. Anything after that was subjective. Nowadays its basketball instead of running laps....but it gave me health. Mentally and physically. I could collect my thoughts. I could hear real stories....being gunned down 5 times and bouncing back...then charting. Here we are. On set....once again with Rob...my brother on the directing tip. My new lovely friend Victoria, who's a beautiful, ambitious, ride or die artist of her own. Robs pops. Mike Oliva, who is a SAVAGE photographer and film maker himself. It was a trip. Over the past year, kids at bars, hardcore shows, normals, civilians, people from all over and the world have been DMing me about simply just a teaser and a photograph of me and Surf in a studio. With Albee Al, Casanova, Cage - its all a specific group of people. Mainly mainstream music consumers...radio listeners...people who are tapped into Instagram and culture. But with Surf - Ive had the pleasure of speaking to people from all walks of life. Old hardcore friends telling me how much his movement has touched their lives...so wild. I was late to his wave...Belv actually told me to tap in and do it, and that's my brother so I made sure I did for the team. We drank hot chocolate and coffee, listened to our favorite music so loud, have such great conversations, got amazing footage that im so proud of, and just overall killed the mission. Nothing makes me more happy. This was a moment for me....because for the first time...im not in silly poppy clothes...im myself...im spitting bars on it...I feel and look like the person who was painting freights in 2007. And that is very important to me. Sometimes you can get swallowed by the wave youre riding...and I am guilty of that. It influenced so much of me...and recently I said look...fuck all this. Fuck everything except for whatever inside me still lingering before back and forth. Because if those passions, those tendencies, those people, are still here and within me...theyve been growing all this time, strong, sticking by me, and that's me. Shitty hoodie. Airmaxes or vans, shitty hat, stupid hair, cutty as fuck, smiling. dirty skateboard kid just trying be great man. I miss my old Mercer Ave skate crew. Its been years. 

Im starting to go through a new awakening where im witnessing the ones around me unfold in such a distasteful manner. Its pretty crazy to spend time with people, face to face, and have dinner, coffee, laughing with each other one on one....and in my head at the same time think...this mother fucker dead ass hates me. Wants to kill me. Wants me to fail. Fucks heavy with EVERYONE who has done wrong to me. Has talked shit behind my back. Has stabbed me in the back. And they are such fucking clowns....they don't know that I know...and they don't even comprehend that im being a bigger person and not addressing shit below me, because I don't have room for shit like that in my life. This is the time where people fuck with you one foot in, for opportunity, to hit a lick, to keep the link, to get to the people you fuck with. It is literally so easy to show love...and yet people close to you just won't. Its an interesting concept. I am fortunate in the sense that I am self made, self built, and already a black sheep. If everybody in my life turned their backs, it wouldn't touch my career. So therefore, I don't have this fuckery nature in my behavior. I don't fuck with you, I don't fuck with you. Thats it. Im learning you cannot trust people who fuck with you one foot in....because that means they're prepared to step away at any moment when you're down. They don't got your back. They are around people who drag your name through the mud, and they allow it. AT BEST...since they have one foot in....theyll tap in and say such and such said this....but why didn't you defend me? Why were they okay with these actions with you? Because your friend has their other foot with the opps. Fuck these types of people. Forever. Ive been seeing people put up with this behavior, and I figured id speak on it, because its been on my mind. You don't have to get treated like shit to fit in. Truth is, your friends are probably wack. Your friends probably hate you. Your friends don't want you to do better than them. And no, it doesn't matter how long you've known them. Most relationships stem and grow out of convenience, and lack of change, lack of ambition, lack of dreams and goals. I always thought, its actually very easy to be a good friend when they need you...in moments of tragedy and misery. Because that doesn't shake your foundation, and make you realize you aint shit. It doesn't challenge your framework. Its harder for most people to be a good friend when their friend is celebrating success, because the human nature is to compare, and sometimes that can be a mirror reflection of how you AINT SHIT. Recognize these people and cut this cancer out of your system. Or if you are this person, we all have been at one point, cone to terms with how wack you are and be a good person lmao. I want to see my plumbing friend look me in the eyes and go “im the best plumber in this area and im gunna kill this job and make a living for my family and buy a BMW”, just like I want to see my graphic designer friends believe after their hard work that they're qualified OVER SOMEONE ELSE for their job, to make a great living. Just like I want to see a musician, or rapper, talk his shit and believe in themselves, go platinum, and make a great living and buy a Range. Being around greatness inspires me, never scares me. I love being at the bottom, it amps me up. It gets me going. It gets me off. I love the fight, the grind, the game. Whether its music, or washing windows in the freezing dead of winter for commission to pay for fucking studio time to be where I am right the fuck now boiiiiiii. 

Me and Belv have some crazy shit coming. That is all. Okay bye. 

[royaltyjunk]

Brighter - Ch. 4 [T, Perceval/Cecilia]

Author's Ideas: WOW THIS ONE ACTUALLY TOOK REALLY LONG I'M SORRY I WAS WORKING ON OTHER WIPs AND I DIDN'T REALIZE I HADN'T FINISHED THIS CHAPTER orz

I need to get better at setting deadlines holy moly

Also… is it just me or is it taking me a lot longer to write something these days?

:thinking:

Eh, probably just me

Disclaimer: I don't own Fire Emblem

Brighter

IV: Light

~ / . / . / ~

A year after Roy and Lilina's engagement, and a few weeks after their (in his opinion, somewhat extravagant) wedding, Perceval asks her to move in with him. He stumbles over his words a bit, and Cecilia has to stop him multiple times to chase off people trying to record them or snap pictures of them, but he gets his point across, and of course Cecilia agrees.

"Why did you even bother asking her?" Mildain asks, pushing Perceval his wrapped sandwich over the café counter. "She basically lives with you anyways. And you know that her mother is supportive of you two no matter what. Well, unless you cheat on her."

Perceval rolls his eyes, handing Mildain his work ID. "I just don't know if Miss Alessandra would have been okay with taking over Cecilia's house again. I know she almost went crazy last time because Cecilia's father did such a poor job of keeping Miss Alessandra's house clean."

Mildain frowns, pausing his tapping on the cash register. "Wait, what?"

"Miss Alessandra had to go live in Cecilia's house, so she got Cecilia's father to look over her house. When Miss Alessandra got back to her own house, it was in all sorts of disarray. The only people she trusts to look over the house now are Cecilia and I. And only if we're together."

To that last statement, Mildain makes such a suggestive noise that Perceval wonders how he ever became friends with him (he knows how, though - but only because it was also the time he became friends with Cecilia).

Perceval takes a few days to get a copy of his keys though, so they're constantly trading hands even before Cecilia officially moves in. At one point, Cath nabs them as a joke, but causes them so much stress that everyone learns never to mess with either of them when on a frantic search for something vital - or else they'll get threatened by both the Head of Economic Enterprises and the Head of Security.

Or course, Miss Alessandra agrees to their moving in together, and she takes a good chunk of Perceval's time making him promise not to do anything Cecilia wouldn't want, or not to break any of her possessions on purpose, and especially to respect her boundaries. He vehemently agrees, and Miss Alessandra believes him when he says he'll uphold them. He hears that Cecilia gets the same treatment from his mother, but knowing how much Amber Eques absolutely dotes on her potential daughter-in-law, she's probably prepared a list of Perceval's weaknesses for her.

(Unfortunately he's proven right when, while he has his back turned to Cecilia while unpacking her belongings, she drapes her arms around him and uses her foot to tickle the sole of his. What results is the worst tickle fight in the history of tickle fights.)

Still, the moving in goes well, and the busy Saturday afternoon turns into a calm Saturday night, where Klein, Clarine, Lalum, and Mildain crash their house without announcement. After apologizing to Perceval and Cecilia for the heart attack, they promise to cook dinner. Cecilia quickly declines Clarine access to the kitchen, but lets the other three in.

"Why won't you let me in the kitchen?" Clarine complains, pouting.

"Because you almost set our house on fire last time you tried to bake a pizza," Klein yells from the kitchen.

"But now I'm the third wheel," Clarine counters, staring with mock anger over at the other side of the couch, where Perceval and Cecilia are cuddled against each other.

"You should have brought Rutger then," Perceval replies.

"He's in Sacae!"

"Oh well," Cecilia grins, and Clarine crosses her arms.

"Meanies."

"You're welcome, Clarine. I just don't want you burning down my house."

"Who said that? You two moving in together is going to make it a lot harder for me to distinguish who's saying what while I'm trying to read everything I wrote down while eavesdropping."

"Good gods, Klein. You can't even tell the difference between Perceval's voice and Cecilia's voice?"

"Wait, what do you mean by eavesdropping!?" An indignant sputter from the living room sends Klein into hysterical laughter, and they end up losing their best chef from the laughing fit he's having.

Eventually, they all settle down for a comfortable dinner, and spend the rest of the night flipping through old photo albums Cecilia and Perceval dug out that afternoon. At one point, Klein points out that Perceval was wearing nail polish all throughout his elementary school years, and all Perceval can do is point to Cecilia. Another time, they count all the times Mildain had actually smiled for a picture outside of class photos. The answer was, unsurprisingly, zero.

Cecilia and Perceval chase them out of their house when it's close to midnight, laughing when Clarine makes a face and threatens Perceval loudly from the car about doing "unsavory things to Cecilia when they slept" as they drive away. Perceval rolls his eyes, but he obviously takes Clarine's words to heart because he doesn't do anything unless Cecilia agrees. He even asks if he can hug her, and Cecilia looks at him so incredulously that he just shrugs and says, "They're scary."

"I don't care if they're scary," she smiles, patting Perceval's cheek. He squawks in protest, and Cecilia laughs. "Whoops. I forgot."

"You know my skin doesn't react well to that lotion…" he mutters, wetting his hand towel and wiping off his cheek. Cecilia just flashes him her picture perfect smile, and it's hard to be mad at her after that.

The night that follows doesn't seem like any other night since they've spent so much time together, except when Cecilia wins, she's struck with sunlight, and the other side of the bed is empty. She sits up, rubbing her eyes and stretching.

"Perceval?" she calls.

"In the office," his voice comes from a distant part of the house, and she slips out of bed, pulling on actual clothes and tossing her pajamas on the bed. She makes her way across the hallway to the propped open door of Perceval's office.

"You're working this early? On a Sunday?" she frowns.

He shrugs. "It's not really work. It's more legal paperwork about your move."

"Oh. Do you need anything?"

"I'm… actually pretty hungry," he admits, sifting through the piles of paperwork in his office.

"Why didn't you say so?" she grins and skips downstairs, opening cabinets and pantries to collect the ingredients to prepare for breakfast.

It's then that she finds a green box in his kitchen cabinets, tucked away under the boxes and bottles of spices and dried herbs. What's suspicious is that the box is the same shade of green as her hair, an iridescent green that would catch his eye from anywhere.

She's still trying to figure out what could be inside it (ignoring the nagging thought in the back of her mind) when he walks into the kitchen, a wad of paperwork in his hand.

"Cecilia-" he pauses, his eyes wide when he sees the box in her hand.

"Oh, Perceval," Cecilia smiles, setting the box down. "Is that more legal paperwork?"

"Yes," he croaks, his gaze not leaving the box on the counter. She takes the papers he's holding, and he snags the box, tucking it into his pocket. Cecilia gives him a strange look as he slips out of the kitchen, and he gives her a nervous smile over his shoulder.

"So? What is that box all about?" Cecilia asks him eventually, when she goes into his study to return the bundle of papers. He's standing in front of his desk, and when she asks the question, he freezes up. With an annoyed pulse behind his movements, he takes the papers and sets them down on his desk, sighing as he turns and looks at her.

"Cecilia… what do you think it is about?"

"...I thought so." Cecilia closes her eyes. A smile spreads across her lips, and Perceval touches her shoulder.

"Yes," Cecilia murmurs, breaking the silence.

Perceval blinks, and it takes him a moment to realize what she's trying to say. "...Really?"

Cecilia opens her eyes, staring at into his brown eyes. "I've loved you for as long as I can remember, and I probably will keep loving you. Why wouldn't I marry you?"

He runs his hands through his hair, a distant yet joyful look on his face. "I… to think, I had a whole speech written out."

"Was that what you were annoyed about?"

"Yes," he admits sheepishly. "I was annoyed I didn't get to say my speech. I had it all memorized too."

Cecilia gives him a gentle shove. "I love you. Did you really think you needed a speech to convince me to marry you?"

Perceval rolls his eyes, and she smiles. He leans his forehead against hers, and her smile grows wider. Cecilia's fingers find the edge of his shirt, and she clenches his sweater. He cups her cheeks, and she leans forward a little, their noses touching. "I love you too," he breathes, and Cecilia laughs at the smell of mint in his breath.

"Can I have my ring now?" Cecilia questions, smiling. "I'm curious to see what you picked out."

He kisses her gently, his lips lingering against hers. "As you say," he murmurs, his lips brushing against hers.

Cecilia grins, detaching herself from Perceval when he pulls away and walks around his desk, pulling open a small drawer. He withdraws the bright green box, flicking open the box and taking the ring. He places the green box down on his desk and walks back to Cecilia. She folds her hands behind her back.

Perceval opens his fist, revealing a thin silver ring decorated with one emerald.

"Lalum and Lilina both agreed that getting something simple was better for you," he states, and Cecilia smiles.

"I think it's perfect."

She stretches out her hand, and Perceval takes it. He slips the thin ring onto her finger, and she grabs his cheeks, kissing him as hard as she can. His lips curve into a smile, and his hands rest against her waist. He pulls her closer, and she savors the gentle touch he has, the unspoken words behind his actions.

Cecilia's eyes are bright and her cheeks are rosy, and Perceval can't help but let his smile grow bigger.

"What is it?" she asks softly, brushing her fingers against his cheek.

"Nothing. Just… thinking."

"About what?"

"About how I love you."

Her only response is to pull him in and kiss him again.