#id get like. 2 or 3 goats. some chickens. i

[stinkybrowndogs]

How do u buy a little farm house with 4.5 acres of land when u r broke and also live in california

[simschallengesfor3and4]

Castaway Challenge for sims 4

You were on a plane which crashed and now you are stranded alone. What will you do?

Intro: Hello for this challenge you will need island living (for now) as I have made the island you need for the challenge there and with that pack. My gallery id is: NichoDB

Here you can find the island I have made for Sulani for the challenge, I will be making another one base game friendly in case you don’t have island living. This is somewhat a legacy challenge as you will need to survive on the island for 10 gen (generations) 

starting out with cas:

1 sim any age from teen to adult

Any traits really, may randomize if you want to.

The rules for the island and first gen:

get sim onto island, made it easy there is a ladder leading in so no need for cheats.

Pick 2 garden beds, and one tree bed from the basement.

Pick 1, either chickens, bee’s or goats and sheeps may only pick up to 3 in all of goats and sheeps (2 hens and 1 roster, 3 goats and 3 sheeps are in the household inventory) You can trade them for meat, indgredents and simoliens they will leave the bag at the egde of the lot wich you can drag in.

Pick 1 bed of choice, from the basement may change the color of the bed.

Pick one storage chest with 1 suitcase, may change color also from the basement.

Pick 2 hobbies: there is a small gathering of hobbies, knitting, painting, handiwork and such. You may only pick 2. These will be important choices, as they will have consequences.

Pick 6 book's from the lilttle bookcase thing. You may buy book’s, but you may only pick 6 in all.

Pick 1 grill or the cooler.

Pick the toilet if you don’t have, jungle adventure for the pee bushes on the island.

Pick 1 trashcan.

Pick laundry if you want.

Lot traits Off grind must be on, if you have cottage living so must Simple Living, and great soil must be on too, may pick any other traits and challenges for the lot.

___________________________________________________________________________

Now put all plant’s, and the 2 ladders in the family inventory and delete everything in the basement. Now the 1 gen starts, rules:

Skills will determine what you can and cannot do. So if you want a hut/house you’ll need handiness skill, the higher the more you can make/buy. Gardening will determine how many plant’s you may have and how much from the harvest you may keep. If you have nifty kitting,the knitting skill will allow you new clothes and outfits. Painting will allow you to change color on objects you make/buy, so the higher skill the more color you get else it’s the wood/brown colors neutral colors, on the objects.

Handiness unlocks 1-3(Small decorations, and big objects that look broken or not put together right) 4-6 (Walls max 10x10, windows, doors,stairs no more than 4 steps and railings/fences) 7-8 (All hobbies and other objects, toilets, beds, kitchen stuff all objects are now unlocked but not the best quality so must look like it could be handmade)  9-10 (May build as big as you want and as much as you want no limit, and can buy any object, if you have eco lifestyle you may buy solar panels and water catcher, get some power going) Of course anything the woodworking table allows you to build as you level up you can build but the levels allow you to buy stuff from build and buy mode.

Gardening unlocks 1-3(May only have the plants you chose so 9 plants, may only keep 3 off each plant harvest so does a plant give you 5 or 10 then you have to sell until you only have 3)  4-6(May plant 3 extra crops, may keep everything) 7-8(May make a small farm no more than 6 garden plots from cottage living or you can use the garden beds) 9-10 (May have as many plants or farms as you want and can evolve plants now)

Knitting unlocks 1-3(May have any small piece of clothing hat’s, socks, gloves, underwear, bra’s)  4-6(Rug’s can now be bought too, any shirt any length, skirt’s and shorts) 7-8(All kids clothes and down, so toddler and infants, may buy sleeping bags) 9-10(shoes are now unlocked) Of course as before anything you can knit as you level up are you allowed to make.

Painting unlocks 1-3(beige, brown, white are unlocked) 4-6(Yellow, red and blue colors are unlocked and so are simple patterns) 7-8(Purple, orange and green are now unlocked) 9-10(All colors any pattern you like)

___________________________________________________________________________

The last rules for gen one

Gen one may first get a partner when they have a small hut/house. You may make this sim or take one that is already generated from mange households, they must be single.

May have as many kids as you like, just remember only one is going to be the heir.

You may not have any pets in gen one sorry

NO LEAVING LOT ONCE ON IT

Money cheats are allowed

CC is allowed and so are mods

The rules are guidelines the point is to have fun, is a rule making it less fun remove it

Gen 2:

Whatever gen 1 left is what you have, to survive with

You may get a pet, but no leaving lot for it

NO LEAVING THE LOT

May get a partner/get married when they are young adults. You may make a younger sim, the partner is basically someone new who stranded on the island (use the basement to get them onto island by placing the ladders back in, and removing them after they are on the island)

Money cheats are allowed

CC is allowed and so are mods

The rules are guidelines the point is to have fun, is a rule making it less fun remove it

___________________________________________________________________________

Skill rules:

The rules are the same somewhat

  Handiness unlocks 1-3(Small decorations, and big objects that look broken or not put together right, can NOT fix any objects that break, leave it broken or delete said item) 4-6 (Walls max 10x10, windows, doors,stairs no more than 4 steps and railings/fences) 7-8 (All hobbies and other objects, toilets, beds, kitchen stuff all objects are now unlocked but not the best quality so must look like it could be handmade, can now fix all broken objects)  9-10 (May build as big as you want and as much as you want no limit, and can buy any object, if you have eco lifestyle you may buy solar panels and water catcher, get some power going) Of course anything the woodworking table allows you to build as you level up you can build but the levels allow you to buy stuff from build and buy mode.

Gardening unlocks 1-3(May only have the plants you on the island so what gen 1 left, may only keep 3 off each plant harvest so does a plant give you 5 or 10 then you have to sell until you only have 3)  4-6(May plant 3 extra crops, may keep everything) 7-8(May make a small farm no more than 6 garden plots from cottage living or you can use the garden beds) 9-10 (May have as many plants or farms as you want and can evolve plants now)

Knitting unlocks 1-3(May have any small piece of clothing hat’s, socks, gloves, underwear, bra’s, may not make new outfits)  4-6(Rug’s can now be bought too, any shirt any length, skirt’s and shorts) 7-8(All kids clothes and down, so toddler and infants, may buy sleeping bags, new outfits can be made no shoes) 9-10(shoes are now unlocked,outfits with shoes are now unlocked) Of course as before anything you can knit as you level up are you allowed to make.

Painting unlocks 1-3(beige, brown, white are unlocked, may not change color on items, unless it’s to beige, brown or white) 4-6(Yellow, red and blue colors are unlocked and so are simple patterns) 7-8(Purple, orange and green are now unlocked) 9-10(All colors any pattern you like)

Gen 3:

Whatever gen 1 and 2 left is what you have, to survive with

You may get a pet, but no leaving lot for it

May get a partner/get married when they are young adults. You may make a younger sim, the partner is basically someone new who stranded on the island (use the basement to get them onto island by placing the ladders back in, and removing them after they are on the island)

NO LEAVING LOT

Money cheats are allowed

CC is allowed and so are mods

The rules are guidelines the point is to have fun, is a rule making it less fun remove it

___________________________________________________________________________

Skill rules:

The rules are the same as gen 2

  Handiness unlocks 1-3(Small decorations, and big objects that look broken or not put together right, can NOT fix any objects that break, leave it broken or delete said item) 4-6 (Walls max 10x10, windows, doors,stairs no more than 4 steps and railings/fences) 7-8 (All hobbies and other objects, toilets, beds, kitchen stuff all objects are now unlocked but not the best quality so must look like it could be handmade, can now fix all broken objects)  9-10 (May build as big as you want and as much as you want no limit, and can buy any object, if you have eco lifestyle you may buy solar panels and water catcher, get some power going) Of course anything the woodworking table allows you to build as you level up you can build but the levels allow you to buy stuff from build and buy mode.

Gardening unlocks 1-3(May only have the plants you on the island so what gen 1 left, may only keep 3 off each plant harvest so does a plant give you 5 or 10 then you have to sell until you only have 3)  4-6(May plant 3 extra crops, may keep everything) 7-8(May make a small farm no more than 6 garden plots from cottage living or you can use the garden beds) 9-10 (May have as many plants or farms as you want and can evolve plants now)

Knitting unlocks 1-3(May have any small piece of clothing hat’s, socks, gloves, underwear, bra’s, may not make new outfits)  4-6(Rug’s can now be bought too, any shirt any length, skirt’s and shorts) 7-8(All kids clothes and down, so toddler and infants, may buy sleeping bags, new outfits can be made no shoes) 9-10(shoes are now unlocked,outfits with shoes are now unlocked) Of course as before anything you can knit as you level up are you allowed to make.

Painting unlocks 1-3(beige, brown, white are unlocked, may not change color on items, unless it’s to beige, brown or white) 4-6(Yellow, red and blue colors are unlocked and so are simple patterns) 7-8(Purple, orange and green are now unlocked) 9-10(All colors any pattern you like)

Gen 4:

Whatever the last gen’s left is what you have, to survive with

You may get a pet, but no leaving lot for it

NO LEAVING THE LOT

May get a partner/get married when they are young adults. You may make a younger sim, the partner is basically someone new who stranded on the island (use the basement to get them onto island by placing the ladders back in, and removing them after they are on the island)

May pick 4 plants from the family inventory or 1 tree, so a tree box or plant box 

Money cheats are allowed

CC is allowed and so are mods

The rules are guidelines the point is to have fun, is a rule making it less fun remove it

___________________________________________________________________________

Skill rules:

The rules are the same as gen 2

  Handiness unlocks 1-3(Small decorations, and big objects that look broken or not put together right, can NOT fix any objects that break, leave it broken or delete said item) 4-6 (Walls max 10x10, windows, doors,stairs no more than 4 steps and railings/fences) 7-8 (All hobbies and other objects, toilets, beds, kitchen stuff all objects are now unlocked but not the best quality so must look like it could be handmade, can now fix all broken objects)  9-10 (May build as big as you want and as much as you want no limit, and can buy any object, if you have eco lifestyle you may buy solar panels and water catcher, get some power going) Of course anything the woodworking table allows you to build as you level up you can build but the levels allow you to buy stuff from build and buy mode.

Gardening unlocks 1-3(May only have the plants you on the island so what gen 1 left, may only keep 3 off each plant harvest so does a plant give you 5 or 10 then you have to sell until you only have 3)  4-6(May plant 3 extra crops, may keep everything) 7-8(May make a small farm no more than 6 garden plots from cottage living or you can use the garden beds) 9-10 (May have as many plants or farms as you want and can evolve plants now)

Knitting unlocks 1-3(May have any small piece of clothing hat’s, socks, gloves, underwear, bra’s, may not make new outfits)  4-6(Rug’s can now be bought too, any shirt any length, skirt’s and shorts) 7-8(All kids clothes and down, so toddler and infants, may buy sleeping bags, new outfits can be made no shoes) 9-10(shoes are now unlocked,outfits with shoes are now unlocked) Of course as before anything you can knit as you level up are you allowed to make.

Painting unlocks 1-3(beige, brown, white are unlocked, may not change color on items, unless it’s to beige, brown or white) 4-6(Yellow, red and blue colors are unlocked and so are simple patterns) 7-8(Purple, orange and green are now unlocked) 9-10(All colors any pattern you like)

Gen 5:

Whatever the last gen’s left is what you have, to survive with

You may get a pet, but no leaving lot for it

NO LEAVING THE LOT

May get a partner/get married when they are young adults. You may make a younger sim, the partner is basically someone new who stranded on the island (use the basement to get them onto island by placing the ladders back in, and removing them after they are on the island)

Money cheats are allowed

CC is allowed and so are mods

The rules are guidelines the point is to have fun, is a rule making it less fun remove it

___________________________________________________________________________

Skill rules:

The rules are the same as gen 2

  Handiness unlocks 1-3(Small decorations, and big objects that look broken or not put together right, can NOT fix any objects that break, leave it broken or delete said item) 4-6 (Walls max 10x10, windows, doors,stairs no more than 4 steps and railings/fences) 7-8 (All hobbies and other objects, toilets, beds, kitchen stuff all objects are now unlocked but not the best quality so must look like it could be handmade, can now fix all broken objects)  9-10 (May build as big as you want and as much as you want no limit, and can buy any object, if you have eco lifestyle you may buy solar panels and water catcher, get some power going) Of course anything the woodworking table allows you to build as you level up you can build but the levels allow you to buy stuff from build and buy mode.

Gardening unlocks 1-3(May only have the plants you on the island so what gen 1 left, may only keep 3 off each plant harvest so does a plant give you 5 or 10 then you have to sell until you only have 3)  4-6(May plant 3 extra crops, may keep everything) 7-8(May make a small farm no more than 6 garden plots from cottage living or you can use the garden beds) 9-10 (May have as many plants or farms as you want and can evolve plants now)

Knitting unlocks 1-3(May have any small piece of clothing hat’s, socks, gloves, underwear, bra’s, may not make new outfits)  4-6(Rug’s can now be bought too, any shirt any length, skirt’s and shorts) 7-8(All kids clothes and down, so toddler and infants, may buy sleeping bags, new outfits can be made no shoes) 9-10(shoes are now unlocked,outfits with shoes are now unlocked) Of course as before anything you can knit as you level up are you allowed to make.

Painting unlocks 1-3(beige, brown, white are unlocked, may not change color on items, unless it’s to beige, brown or white) 4-6(Yellow, red and blue colors are unlocked and so are simple patterns) 7-8(Purple, orange and green are now unlocked) 9-10(All colors any pattern you like)

Gen 6:

Whatever the last gen’s left is what you have, to survive with

You may get a pet, but no leaving lot for it

NO LEAVING THE LOT

May get a partner/get married when they are young adults. You may make a younger sim, the partner is basically someone new who stranded on the island (use the basement to get them onto island by placing the ladders back in, and removing them after they are on the island)

May pick 4 plants and a tree or 2 trees

Money cheats are allowed

CC is allowed and so are mods

The rules are guidelines the point is to have fun, is a rule making it less fun remove it

___________________________________________________________________________

Skill rules:

The rules are the same as gen 2

  Handiness unlocks 1-3(Small decorations, and big objects that look broken or not put together right, can NOT fix any objects that break, leave it broken or delete said item) 4-6 (Walls max 10x10, windows, doors,stairs no more than 4 steps and railings/fences) 7-8 (All hobbies and other objects, toilets, beds, kitchen stuff all objects are now unlocked but not the best quality so must look like it could be handmade, can now fix all broken objects)  9-10 (May build as big as you want and as much as you want no limit, and can buy any object, if you have eco lifestyle you may buy solar panels and water catcher, get some power going) Of course anything the woodworking table allows you to build as you level up you can build but the levels allow you to buy stuff from build and buy mode.

Gardening unlocks 1-3(May only have the plants you on the island so what gen 1 left, may only keep 3 off each plant harvest so does a plant give you 5 or 10 then you have to sell until you only have 3)  4-6(May plant 3 extra crops, may keep everything) 7-8(May make a small farm no more than 6 garden plots from cottage living or you can use the garden beds) 9-10 (May have as many plants or farms as you want and can evolve plants now)

Knitting unlocks 1-3(May have any small piece of clothing hat’s, socks, gloves, underwear, bra’s, may not make new outfits)  4-6(Rug’s can now be bought too, any shirt any length, skirt’s and shorts) 7-8(All kids clothes and down, so toddler and infants, may buy sleeping bags, new outfits can be made no shoes) 9-10(shoes are now unlocked,outfits with shoes are now unlocked) Of course as before anything you can knit as you level up are you allowed to make.

Painting unlocks 1-3(beige, brown, white are unlocked, may not change color on items, unless it’s to beige, brown or white) 4-6(Yellow, red and blue colors are unlocked and so are simple patterns) 7-8(Purple, orange and green are now unlocked) 9-10(All colors any pattern you like) 

Gen 7:

Whatever the last gen’s left is what you have, to survive with

You may get a pet, but no leaving lot for it

NO LEAVING THE LOT

May get a partner/get married when they are young adults. You may make a younger sim, the partner is basically someone new who stranded on the island (use the basement to get them onto island by placing the ladders back in, and removing them after they are on the island)

May pick 4 plants or a tree

Money cheats are allowed

CC is allowed and so are mods

The rules are guidelines the point is to have fun, is a rule making it less fun remove it

___________________________________________________________________________

Skill rules:

The rules are the same as gen 2

  Handiness unlocks 1-3(Small decorations, and big objects that look broken or not put together right, can NOT fix any objects that break, leave it broken or delete said item) 4-6 (Walls max 10x10, windows, doors,stairs no more than 4 steps and railings/fences) 7-8 (All hobbies and other objects, toilets, beds, kitchen stuff all objects are now unlocked but not the best quality so must look like it could be handmade, can now fix all broken objects)  9-10 (May build as big as you want and as much as you want no limit, and can buy any object, if you have eco lifestyle you may buy solar panels and water catcher, get some power going) Of course anything the woodworking table allows you to build as you level up you can build but the levels allow you to buy stuff from build and buy mode.

Gardening unlocks 1-3(May only have the plants you on the island so what gen 1 left, may only keep 3 off each plant harvest so does a plant give you 5 or 10 then you have to sell until you only have 3)  4-6(May plant 3 extra crops, may keep everything) 7-8(May make a small farm no more than 6 garden plots from cottage living or you can use the garden beds) 9-10 (May have as many plants or farms as you want and can evolve plants now)

Knitting unlocks 1-3(May have any small piece of clothing hat’s, socks, gloves, underwear, bra’s, may not make new outfits)  4-6(Rug’s can now be bought too, any shirt any length, skirt’s and shorts) 7-8(All kids clothes and down, so toddler and infants, may buy sleeping bags, new outfits can be made no shoes) 9-10(shoes are now unlocked,outfits with shoes are now unlocked) Of course as before anything you can knit as you level up are you allowed to make.

Painting unlocks 1-3(beige, brown, white are unlocked, may not change color on items, unless it’s to beige, brown or white) 4-6(Yellow, red and blue colors are unlocked and so are simple patterns) 7-8(Purple, orange and green are now unlocked) 9-10(All colors any pattern you like)

Gen 8:

Whatever the last gen’s left is what you have, to survive with

You may get a pet, but no leaving lot for it

NO LEAVING THE LOT

May get a partner/get married when they are young adults. You may make a younger sim, the partner is basically someone new who stranded on the island (use the basement to get them onto island by placing the ladders back in, and removing them after they are on the island)

May pick 8 plants and 1 tree or 2 tree and 4 plants (if possible)

Money cheats are allowed

CC is allowed and so are mods

The rules are guidelines the point is to have fun, is a rule making it less fun remove it

___________________________________________________________________________

Skill rules:

The rules are the same as gen 2

  Handiness unlocks 1-3(Small decorations, and big objects that look broken or not put together right, can NOT fix any objects that break, leave it broken or delete said item) 4-6 (Walls max 10x10, windows, doors,stairs no more than 4 steps and railings/fences) 7-8 (All hobbies and other objects, toilets, beds, kitchen stuff all objects are now unlocked but not the best quality so must look like it could be handmade, can now fix all broken objects)  9-10 (May build as big as you want and as much as you want no limit, and can buy any object, if you have eco lifestyle you may buy solar panels and water catcher, get some power going) Of course anything the woodworking table allows you to build as you level up you can build but the levels allow you to buy stuff from build and buy mode.

Gardening unlocks 1-3(May only have the plants you on the island so what gen 1 left, may only keep 3 off each plant harvest so does a plant give you 5 or 10 then you have to sell until you only have 3)  4-6(May plant 3 extra crops, may keep everything) 7-8(May make a small farm no more than 6 garden plots from cottage living or you can use the garden beds) 9-10 (May have as many plants or farms as you want and can evolve plants now)

Knitting unlocks 1-3(May have any small piece of clothing hat’s, socks, gloves, underwear, bra’s, may not make new outfits)  4-6(Rug’s can now be bought too, any shirt any length, skirt’s and shorts) 7-8(All kids clothes and down, so toddler and infants, may buy sleeping bags, new outfits can be made no shoes) 9-10(shoes are now unlocked,outfits with shoes are now unlocked) Of course as before anything you can knit as you level up are you allowed to make.

Painting unlocks 1-3(beige, brown, white are unlocked, may not change color on items, unless it’s to beige, brown or white) 4-6(Yellow, red and blue colors are unlocked and so are simple patterns) 7-8(Purple, orange and green are now unlocked) 9-10(All colors any pattern you like) 

Gen 9:

Whatever the last gen’s left is what you have, to survive with

You may get a pet, but no leaving lot for it

NO LEAVING THE LOT

May get a partner/get married when they are young adults. You may make a younger sim, the partner is basically someone new who stranded on the island (use the basement to get them onto island by placing the ladders back in, and removing them after they are on the island)

All plants left are now yours 

Money cheats are allowed

CC is allowed and so are mods

The rules are guidelines the point is to have fun, is a rule making it less fun remove it

___________________________________________________________________________

Skill rules:

The rules are the same as gen 2

  Handiness unlocks 1-3(Small decorations, and big objects that look broken or not put together right, can NOT fix any objects that break, leave it broken or delete said item) 4-6 (Walls max 10x10, windows, doors,stairs no more than 4 steps and railings/fences) 7-8 (All hobbies and other objects, toilets, beds, kitchen stuff all objects are now unlocked but not the best quality so must look like it could be handmade, can now fix all broken objects)  9-10 (May build as big as you want and as much as you want no limit, and can buy any object, if you have eco lifestyle you may buy solar panels and water catcher, get some power going) Of course anything the woodworking table allows you to build as you level up you can build but the levels allow you to buy stuff from build and buy mode.

Gardening unlocks 1-3(May only have the plants you on the island so what gen 1 left, may only keep 3 off each plant harvest so does a plant give you 5 or 10 then you have to sell until you only have 3)  4-6(May plant 3 extra crops, may keep everything) 7-8(May make a small farm no more than 6 garden plots from cottage living or you can use the garden beds) 9-10 (May have as many plants or farms as you want and can evolve plants now)

Knitting unlocks 1-3(May have any small piece of clothing hat’s, socks, gloves, underwear, bra’s, may not make new outfits)  4-6(Rug’s can now be bought too, any shirt any length, skirt’s and shorts) 7-8(All kids clothes and down, so toddler and infants, may buy sleeping bags, new outfits can be made no shoes) 9-10(shoes are now unlocked,outfits with shoes are now unlocked) Of course as before anything you can knit as you level up are you allowed to make.

Painting unlocks 1-3(beige, brown, white are unlocked, may not change color on items, unless it’s to beige, brown or white) 4-6(Yellow, red and blue colors are unlocked and so are simple patterns) 7-8(Purple, orange and green are now unlocked) 9-10(All colors any pattern you like)  

Gen 10:

Whatever the last gen’s left is what you have, to survive with

You may get a pet, but no leaving lot for it

NO LEAVING THE LOT

May get a partner/get married when they are young adults. You may make a younger sim, the partner is basically someone new who stranded on the island (use the basement to get them onto island by placing the ladders back in, and removing them after they are on the island)

Money cheats are allowed

CC is allowed and so are mods

The rules are guidelines the point is to have fun, is a rule making it less fun remove it

___________________________________________________________________________

Skill rules:

The rules are the same as gen 2

  Handiness unlocks 1-3(Small decorations, and big objects that look broken or not put together right, can NOT fix any objects that break, leave it broken or delete said item) 4-6 (Walls max 10x10, windows, doors,stairs no more than 4 steps and railings/fences) 7-8 (All hobbies and other objects, toilets, beds, kitchen stuff all objects are now unlocked but not the best quality so must look like it could be handmade, can now fix all broken objects)  9-10 (May build as big as you want and as much as you want no limit, and can buy any object, if you have eco lifestyle you may buy solar panels and water catcher, get some power going) Of course anything the woodworking table allows you to build as you level up you can build but the levels allow you to buy stuff from build and buy mode.

Gardening unlocks 1-3(May only have the plants you on the island so what gen 1 left, may only keep 3 off each plant harvest so does a plant give you 5 or 10 then you have to sell until you only have 3)  4-6(May plant 3 extra crops, may keep everything) 7-8(May make a small farm no more than 6 garden plots from cottage living or you can use the garden beds) 9-10 (May have as many plants or farms as you want and can evolve plants now)

Knitting unlocks 1-3(May have any small piece of clothing hat’s, socks, gloves, underwear, bra’s, may not make new outfits)  4-6(Rug’s can now be bought too, any shirt any length, skirt’s and shorts) 7-8(All kids clothes and down, so toddler and infants, may buy sleeping bags, new outfits can be made no shoes) 9-10(shoes are now unlocked,outfits with shoes are now unlocked) Of course as before anything you can knit as you level up are you allowed to make.

Painting unlocks 1-3(beige, brown, white are unlocked, may not change color on items, unless it’s to beige, brown or white) 4-6(Yellow, red and blue colors are unlocked and so are simple patterns) 7-8(Purple, orange and green are now unlocked) 9-10(All colors any pattern you like)  

[shoebillstork]

Tagged by @fishgirlautism :] I have 15 people to tag but don't feel like tagging anyone in particular so make one and tag yourself so my quota gets filled 🫡

Am I named after anyone?

Nope both my birth name and my other one, although my mom was the one who reffered to Barbie's sister and where i got like the feeling that it was right it was like "Skipper" Zing!

The last time i cried?

Erm the other day about money and my situation LOL

Do you have kids?

Not that i know of

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Yeah tbh i say a lot of things sarcastically ironically etc but im not good at making it obvious so i have to clarify a lot when im serious or not

What sports do you play?

Anyone remember when i posted powerlifting everyday LOL uh i never told you all but i was nationally ranked, i also played softball and travel league up until like. Freshman year altho by freshman year my mom was forcing me. I also played volleyball from the start of middle school until my senior year when i just snapped and quit

Whats the first thing you notice about people?

Usually their demeanor because i judge a lot of people based on it, secondly their voice, thirdly their hairstyle because i forget peoples faces very easily because i either dont look at them or just dont pay attention but if i do pay attention to someones face im usually looking at their mouth and teeth as they speak

What's your eye color?

I can never tell and everytime i ask people have something different so dark blue grey green

Scary movies or happy endings?

Scary movies bore me, like id love to deconstruct the meanings and framing of dtuff in them but i just find them boring or hard to watch. Happy endings sweep

Any special talents?

I know how to make soap and lotion and a bunch of shit as well as knowing how to handle goats and other livestock pretty well

Where were you born?

Hospital.

Okay but fr Antioch California if anyone wants to do a compatibility chart *bats my lucious eyelashes at you*

Hobbies?

I like doing volleyball still with my friends, I'm trying to get more into gaming with my friends, I like writing, I like drawing, im getting into mtg, i play dnd a lot with friends and am planning out a campaign, and some more

Any pets?

I used to live on somewhat of a farm with rabbits chickens quail and a horse and other animals and i have 3 cats, charlie alice and clyde, and 2 dogs, sadie and Jaxson

How tall are you?

5'4 ive embraced my short king nature

Favorite subject in school?

I liked english a lot, as well as biology and chemistry classes, but my favorite was art classes becauss my art teacher didnt give me assignments and let me just go ham

Dream job?

I genuinely dont know anymore. I feel like evolutionary biology would be super fun, as well as getting either a piloting or train license, but currently my most feasible dream job is creative designer for video games or stuff like that

[thehotboxsocial]

Flint & Detroit Rap 2021

Last Day Out [Rio Da Yung OG]

Fight Night Round 3 Shit [Lil Yachty feat. Babyface Ray & Veeze]

Indiana Jones [YN Jay & YN Que]

Buy Ourself [Rio Da Yung OG & RMC Mike]

Casino [Louie Ray]

Boss Fight [ShittyBoyz]

Choppas In Hawaii [Veeze]

Broward [RMC Mike]

Doped Up Ina Hills [AK Bandamont]

One Mo' [Grindhard E]

Amazing [WTM Scoob]

Big Body [G.T. feat. Veeze]

Millyanaire [Louie Ray]

Ox Vibes [Icewear Vezzo]

Lamb Chop [Jugg Harden]

Turnest N The City [42 Dugg]

1996 [YSR Gramz]

Starting 4 [Rio Da Yung OG, YN Jay, RMC Mike & Louie Ray]

Please Stop Rappin [Cash Kidd]

Yung Sak Runner [YSR Gramz]

War Zone [ShittyBoyz]

Plastic [Lil Yachty feat. Icewear Vezzo & Rio Da Yung OG]

Lemme Learn You Sum [Rio Da Yung OG]

Karate Buddy [KrisppyLife Kidd feat. BabyTron]

Cap'n [Jugg Harden]

Tiny Gun [Baby Smoove]

Beech Daly [Peezy]

Venting [Icewear Vezzo]

HB [Dame Gretzky & Peez HB]

F--k What You Heard [WB Nutty]

Lose My Mind [Grindhard E & Louie Ray]

Dope Fein Friday [Rio Da Yung OG]

Get Off My Wave [Poody Gordy, Beno & Babyface Ray]

Striker [Coach Joey]

No Cop Outs [RMC Mike, Rio Da Yung OG & TayLo]

Blunt W God [BandGang Lonnie Bands]

Jack & A Press [G.T. feat. Street Lord Juan & Los]

Stick Wit Me [AK Bandamont]

James Brown [Kokewave feat. Los & Top$ide]

Me Too Pt. 2 [BandGang Lonnie Bands feat. GlockBoyz Teejae]

Ben And Jerrys [Drego & Beno]

Bro Chill [Peezy]

Rest In Piss [BandGang Masoe feat. The Godfather & OnFully]

2 Mins [Los, Nutty & Babyface Ray]

Franchise [Baby Smoove]

Get Some [Dre Good feat. Los, Nutty, WB Cash, & Rhalo]

I Heard [BabyFace Ray]

Crash Out [Glockboyz Tez feat. IAMTK Peso]

FIFA [Damedot]

Spark [6040 Youngbull & Baby Money]

Steppin [Rosay & Chief Wuk]

Monkey D. Luffy [BabyTron]

Kyrie Irving [Driveway Baby]

On Tha Flo' [Cashclick Boog, SP Don Dada & Cashclick Head]

You Know It [WD1N]

Vlone [V.I.]

I Smoke, I Drink [Brooks]

Allstar Weekend [Jugg Harden & RMC Mike]

Gander MTN [RMC Mike & Freaky T]

Famous [Molly Brazy feat. Baby Money]

Do Or Die [Eastside Reup]

Quagen [Icewear Vezzo]

Chicken Coupe [Rio Da Yung OG & Peezy]

Alley Ooped [AK Bandamont]

Lit [Skilla Baby]

dl       yt

Much love to the cities of Flint & Detroit for once again blessing us with some of the best rap music of the year. The big disappointment this year was the goat Rio Da Yung OG starting a 4-year firearms sentence in June yet still he did more in 6 months of freedom this year than most rappers do in their entire careers. He left us with “Last Day Out” which is the best and saddest song of the year where he raps about how he isn’t and also is scared of sitting down. Let’s hope we use the next few years to catch up to and celebrate his tremendous output from the last 2-3 years and that he comes home in a helicopter looking like Gucci Mane.

Some of the vets are still here but 2019 staples like Sada Baby, FMB DZ & Teejayx6 are nowhere to be found. I mean I probably should have a Sada track on here but I’m also struggling to think of a song of his that I’ve missed. There were also no big hits like last year’s “Coochie”, “Movie”, “Slide” or “Wack Jumper” but even if the peaks were lower this year, things have spread out wider with newcomers and sophomores alike stepping up, and the Flint sound in particular is spreading across the midwest and throughout the country. 

Jugg Harden is rookie of the year, in 2 years Grindhard E went from the drank man to being up there with the top dogs, Babytron grew his hair out and elevated his whole swag although his best songs are still collabs, YSR ditched the bellowing for a smoother in the pocket flow just a few months ago and it’s paid off handsomely, YN Jay stopped doing coochie songs and now mostly asks questions in his raps, the Flint rappers continued their fuck-up style up until April when they took it to the most extreme end on the bonkers “Indiana Jones”. Overall it was another great year for Michigan rap.

[deathandmushrooms]

Hi! Hi! I love your blog a lot <3

I was wondering: do all the mushrooms you eat taste the same? Or are some more "spongy" than others? Are some spicey? How do you know that the mushrooms you eat are 100% THAT mushroom and not a closely-the-same-but-toxic-or-worse mushroom? Im sorry if that was an overwhelming question, haha! You dont have to answer if you dont want to, but you HAVE to know that I LOVE your blog! 💙

My very first ask! 😱😍 Thank you so much for brightening my little night! It's not a problem at all, and not-at-all overwhelming!

This answer might be though....

1. The mushrooms do not all taste the same! Some taste meatier--more savory (like chicken of the woods, or maitake--or what I call tree-chicken and tree-bacon respectively); some taste almost more like crab (Hericium)--this one can be a bit spongy; some taste a little peppery (black trumpet); some taste very earthy and a little smoky (old man of the woods)--but I might have just burnt that last one 😂. Sorry, Old Man: it will probably happen again.

2. Some mushrooms are great to forage because there aren't any mushrooms that look like that mushroom and are toxic. Like shaggy mane, giant puffball, or black trumpets (below).

I mean, you might confuse this with a blue chanterelle or pig's ear, I guess, in which case you have erred deliciously (Oh man I really want an apron with a picture of a black goat that says err deliciously on it now 😂--sorry, distractable)

Clyde Christensen talks about the "fool proof four," meaning fairly common mushrooms that are pretty safe for beginning foragers because it's really difficult to confuse them with something toxic (his are giant puffball, morels, chicken of the woods (below), and shaggy mane I think?).

Then, you have mushroms that might be confused with something toxic, just because something exists in your region which looks something like it and is toxic. Like, enoki mushrooms (something I'm on the look out for now) look like deadly galerina--a mushroom with the same amatoxin as the destroying angel which (if the name didn't give it away) can kill you.

But, even though they look very similar, there are reliable differences--like their spore print. If you remove the cap of an enoki, and leave it on a piece of paper, foil, or glass for a few hours, it will drop a white spore print. Deadly galerina drop a sort of rusty brown.

Some mushrooms are very rude and can't be distinguished from their toxic look-alikes with a spore print. Lots of white gilled mushrooms drop a white spore print, including some that you can eat and some that you can eat but only once.

But there's always something that distinguishes them, whether it's the shape of the base, the way the gills are attached to the stem (or not), the color, their environment, the texture, the color it turns when you cut into into it--and the more of these distinguishing features you know, the more confident you'll be that you have the right mushroom.

But, first time I forage something I cook up a small piece and eat it, wait 12 hours or so, meditate on the transience of life and my own mortality (kidding...mostly), and get really paranoid about any of my bodily sensations for a while 😂....Also bc you never know when you're going to have a sensitivity to something, even when it is the correct mushroom. I mean, kiwi is edible but I don't have a good time when I eat it. Though with those shaggy manes I found today I did not do that bc if I'd waited that long they'd be goo. I have yet to experience any ill effect from a mushroom, but if I do I will be in for a slightly less bad time than if I'd eaten a whole bunch of it at once.

But you get to know mushrooms, and trust yourself and your own ID and the waiting thing doesn't feel necessary any more. There are so many mushrooms and it can be pretty overwhelming. When I first started learning to formally identify mushrooms, I was so sure I would never eat something I'd foraged myself. I just didn't have confidence in myself...but I unintentionally cultivated that confidence when I was just having fun looking at and reading about mushrooms.

It's not at all an exaggeration to say that this hobby has been wonderful for my mental health, especially my anxiety....and I mean like, often-can't-leave-the-house and won't-answer-the-phone anxiety.

Learning mushrooms is a bit like moving to a new city or even country, if you're very new. There's all these streets and stores and people you don't know. But you start exploring bit by bit, maybe doing some research beforehand. Or you see something interesting, go "What that??" and research it after. And each time you learn one little area, you develop an eye (and nose) for what's most relevant and the vocabulary you need, and learning becomes easier and easier.

This metaphor got away from me. You don't do it all at once is my point. 😂

I take mushrooms one at a time, learn everything I can about that species, and then they start to feel familiar and almost sort of friendly. And I pass them on a hike and wave and say, "Hey Strobilomyces strobilaceus, how you doing, how's the spores?"

And then they don't say anything because they're a fungus. And then sometimes I take them home and eat them because they're also an edible fungus 💙

[valiantlyjollynightmare]

Day 5 - Chapter 13 - timestamps, itinerary, photos and fun facts

If you haven’t read chapter 13, this post contains spoilers!

Timestamps:

wake up at around 8:30, check out at around 9, at 10 they're at the cheese shop where they stay for about 45 minutes

in Simiane they arrive at around 11 and a bit, they walk around for about an hour

find the restaurant and stay there; it's about 12:30 and they leave at around 2.

on the side of the road they stay for about 15 minutes and in Gordes arrive after about an hour: it's ~3:15

go to the store to buy themselves snacks and stuff, by the time they get to the hotel it's at least 3:45 (check in starts technically at 4)

The fromagerie they visit is Fromagerie d'Albion which actually does have goats and chicken you can go see and also a lot of stuff beside cheese. And this is how the cake-cheese looks!!! That cheese has no right to look like that!!!!! I almost want to eat it. And I hate cheese!!!!

This ↓ is the restaurant they at in Simiane!!! It's called La Palette.

The angel pee wine is also a thing and i've been dying to mention it since i discovered it back in July. It's produced around there somewhere and I've been laughing for 9 months at the name.

This ↑, on the other hand, is where they stop to talk about the fancy the hotel.

Which also exists. It's Airelles de Bastide in Gordes and dude. Why the fuck is everything so expensive there?!

If you look on Booking.com now, it's full. Absolutely full.

But. I planned on them going there since July and in July when I looked to see whether they could possibly have any available rooms, they had one. For like, that same day or something like that. And it was July. See, this screenshot proves it.

And even so, it's fiction, someone didn't show up and they got the room instead hehe.

Also, about the ID thing. I asked around and at least in Great Britain they apparently always ask you for your ID and even credit card sometimes. In Romania, I know for sure they take your word for it when it comes to personal data - you need to fill some forms with your data but they don't actually take your ID to check.

Now I've never been in France, but a France who has a couple of years ago said they also trusted you to fill in the forms when she went. And the Internet agrees that you can absolutely take a room under a false name as proven by these two websites:

And, don't quote me on the years, but in 2019 and 2014, according to Le Figaro and another publicatio I forgot the name of, the French had been #1 (out of all europeans I supposed) to get a room under a fake name. So I suppose it is possible to a certain extent. Let's just assume it was possible for Marinette and Adrien up to this point. And in this point, their luck has run out. If you're enjoying these, consider buying me a Ko-fi (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

[kvltprince]

@coldestcaress tagged me to answer some questions

10 Questions

1. The very first fanfiction you’ve read: what, when, why, feelings?

you realize this was in the mid 90s somewhere. prob some gundam wing or saiyuki.  but i think ive run into some printed zine thing from star trek way earlier that my uncle had. i read EVERYTHING til i was about mid 20s.

2. Do you wear a fragrance? what’s the scent baby?

patchouli, amber, sandalwood, dash of rose. as a oil. (most of the new lines of old spice, classic old spice, or axe anarchy for deodorant)

3. You are reading a very smutty fic in a public transportation, when suddenly (gasp!) you realize the person next to you is reading over your shoulder… how do you react?

prob ignore it. its their eyes and brain dealing with whatever. besides if anyone continued to read anything id bother to read at this point they deserve to get their minds fried from the dissonance between what ill read and what i generally appear as.

4. you already have Christmas-y stuff up?

my wreathe and garland never were taken down. i want to decorate but not sure what i want to do. this place feels stale.

5. Which Hogwarts house are you in? How do you feel about it?

idk. more puff than snake than id like to admit though.

6. share your favourite quick dinner recipe?

i uh. am real bad at quick. big fan of crock pot type things though(curies and other saucy things). usually it is season and fry (coconut oil) some sort of frozen chicken + green bean or spinach. sometimes with leftover rice or something.

7. Last movie you’ve watched in a theatre?

have i even seen anything since men who stare at goats?

8. what did you have the last time you went out for dinner?

out with b an ben. i got beef mushroomand bamboo shoots after a long thinking and considering between that and the garlic death tofu. was really good. 

9. Ever shaved your hair (or part of it)? Would you?

uh yes. it has just begun to grow out for real fro that and i am about to shave my bangs (prob long though. 1 inch or so attachment i think)

10. worst job?

cleaning hotel rooms. they wanted me to clean everything in 10 min or less. my adhd ass didnt do well with that shit even though it was *almost* fun and interesting sometimes. (aka ‘omfg what the fuck happened in here. guess im calling management. vs meeting lots of interesting people during bluegrass week/bike week/the fair)

[boocreek]

♦ sims tag ♦

1. what’s your favourite sims death?

umm,,,... *sweats* .. i’ve only ever had like one sim die and i think they were struck by lightning in ts3 ?? ?

2. alpha cc or maxis match

M A X I S  M A T C H

3. do you cheat when your sims gain weight?

nah man, i like the chub

4. do you use move objects?

alwaYS - not to be dramatic but i would neV E R play this game again if i couldn’t have moo

5. favourite mod?

brntwaffle’s astral lights lighting mod!! i need those night skies irl 🌌

6. first expansion / game / stuff pack?

outdoor retreat

7. do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing?

aLIVE because that’s just wat makes sense to me tbh

8. who’s your favourite sim you’ve made?

B E A N 🌱

9. do you have a simself?

i did, but i deleted her cos she looked nothing like me lmao

10. what sim traits do you give yourself? 

lazy, glutton ugh.. geek

11. what’s your favourite ea hair colour?

 tbh probs the dark blue just cos i wish my hair was that colour irl

12. favourite ea hair?

that long hair from get together that bean wears

13. favourite life stage?

young adult ? i guess.. i don’t really play any others lol

14. are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay?

i would say i’m in the middle of these two camps, tho edging my tent ever so slightly to the builder side cos.. i get bored easily with the l ac k of gameplay shhh 👀

15. are you a cc creator?

ugh no.. i do some recolours once in a blue moon but hoo boy das it, das the extent of my talents

16. do you have any simblr friends/ a sims squad?

yeah boiiii my Clique™ frendos @simsao @ceiuu

17. what’s your favourite game? (1,2,3 or 4)

ts3!!! i just love seasons and the open world

18. got any sims merch?

nope

19. do you have a sims YT channel?

*sweats*

20. how has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing?

ugh things got a lot greener,.. in many senses

21. what’s your origin id?

boocreek :)

22. who’s your favourite cc creator?

damn i can’t choose just one

23. how long have you had a simblr?

f o r e v e r.. or so it feels.. in reality.. december 2014

24. how do you edit your pics?

with minimal effort lmao

25. what expansion/ game/ stuff pack do you want next?

i cannot decide between seasons or pets buT i really want bunnies and pugs and sausAGE DOGS!!!! shiba inus!! goats!! chicKENS!! i think i just answered that question after all..

26.  what expansion/ game/ stuff pack is your favourite so far?

yikes umm... get to work ? i guess i use the stuff from that the most so my game would look pretty bare without it!!

thank u for tagging me @thesinsfour 💖💖💖

[aestheticvoyage2017]

Day 146: Friday May 26, 2017 - “Filipino Food”

An ode to the food here in the Phillipines.  In my first week in country Ive given an opportunity to try as much new as I can -and of course my stomach feels it.  Throughout the work week Ive gotten into the cafeteria and chosen options that made me curious instead of the ones that naturally jumped out at me.  Ive had the Jollibee ChickenJoy,  the local McD type chain, and also the spaghettios at the McDo.  Lots of easy access to food and American chains, but why waste the peso on that?    I really only did about 2 hours of research before catching that flight last Monday....in characteristic McCandless-esque prep to just let it unroll as it would, and not lock myself into to much planning in a place I knew nothing of....with the one exception  - I was very curious of what Bourdain thought I should eat.   Luckily he has done 2 episodes!!  Here is one from long ago, and then another one with very slow speech from just a couple months ago.

Ive tried the sizzlin sisig at my first Phillipines brewery at Ogie’s recommendation, knowing that it meant it was Pork.....  Head.  or mask.  or Brain.  Luckily the pretty girl I impressed with my order was also very aware that I had no idea what to do with it, so she shyly showed me how it was done mixing in the egg and bringing the bottom to the top and applying the hot sauce for me.  “Enjoy your food” - yes, ma’am, I do.  Ive also had the chicken intestine, gizzard, and pork blood from a street vendor - options I picked out myself over the regular BBQ (though those were good options too).   7 tastys on a stick for 84 Pesos (under $2). Experience!  Id sit in Rizal Park surrounded by locals as I got my courage up to get it into my mouth and was happy to find that it wasnt that bad.  Bourdain would be proud of me stretching; the choosing to stretch.  The Jeopardy of Circumstance - the goat rodeo.

Ive had a couple easy ones too - my hotel serves breakfast each day for free and I explore the options in the buffet, learning the words for the noodles and the sausages, mixing things together like fried Anchovies and Waffles and even eggs over Myron done Filipino style. Its here that I love the Garlic Rice and look forward to bringin that back to Aurora.  While in Manila, I took in the only restaurant with a historical marker in the city, the Aristocrat and while they boasted the best BBQ chicken in town, I was there for breakfast.  So having time to wait and people watch, I made up my mind that this is what I wanted.  The concept of breakfast time has been warped over the week anyway - is it morning or evening?  Breakfast or Dinner?  Hard to to tell.  Bring me the 3 piece BBQ and coffee please.  They definitely eat  a lot of chickens here in this culture- I was happy to contribute my part to the effort.  With food familiar, I chose for drink something that made no-god-damned sense....a fruity drink with chunks of jello...everytime I drank I got less and less liquid, but with the shaved ice and fruit I still was quenched.

Finally, I also Uber’d over to a special Carinderia where I enjoyed the fruits of a little research from this guy.  This was exactly the food experience I wanted, so I went and found it!   The Squid in ink sauce was my favorite - the sweet and sour Tilapia was pretty good too.  They found me a seat with a young couple that was happy to entertain and teach on my food journey.   I loved the Inihaw na Liempo - the grilled Pork Belly. Here you make a little dipping sauce with chilis and these little limes and some soy sauce...  I showed off my know-how proudly before dipping my little piglet.   I resolved that its pretty universal that anything cooked over coals, no matter the corner of the world, is going to be good.  I also had a Sweet & Sour Tilapia that my tablemates enjoyed me watching me explore, throwing out bone warnings as I focused more on the flavor.  They didnt let me leave without also trying to the signature, Dobo. I knew about the Dobo from my research... and how you can Dobo anything - I think this one was like what we would call ‘spare ribs’ -    All this fun and action for $400 pesos.  $10.  A steal.

I came over here to Manila with the plan to try as much new and different food as I could and to invest my money in the culinary experience of being in a new place.  1 of 3 weeks complete, and I already feel like the mission has been successful.  Everything Ive been told to look for and try, I have.   By weeks end Id have serious heart burn...  but that wasnt the only burn I could feel.  Livin as a verb, through my stomach.

Song: Norah Jones - Black Hole Sun

Quote: “Do we really want to travel in hermetically sealed popemobiles through the rural provinces of France, Mexico and the Far East, eating only in Hard Rock Cafes and McDonalds? Or do we want to eat without fear, tearing into the local stew, the humble taqueria's mystery meat, the sincerely offered gift of a lightly grilled fish head? I know what I want. I want it all. I want to try everything once.”  ― Anthony Bourdain

[what-my-bones-said]

ALL OF THEM WHORE

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? coffee mugs

2. chocolate bars or lollipops? chocolate bars

3. bubblegum or cotton candy? Cotton candy

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you? shy but a good student

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? glass cups

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? I mean probably preppy because of how I dress for teaching?

7. earbuds or headphones? Headphones

8. movies or tv shows? tv shows 

9. favorite smell in the summer? suntan lotion 

10. game you were best at in p.e.? the game where I lost early and got to stand on the side and watch 

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day? right now, cereal. Usually, oatmeal or fried eggs. 

12. name of your favorite playlist? My country playlist on spotify

13. lanyard or key ring? lanyard

14. favorite non-chocolate candy? sour patch kids 

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment? The Things they Carried by Tim O’Brien

16. most comfortable position to sit in? nothing, I am constantly changing the position I sit in. I can’t sit still

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes? My Sperrys or my white crocs

18. ideal weather? Sunny with a nice warm breeze

19. sleeping position? on my side typically but I move a lot at night

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? notebook with a pen-- but usually I write on my phone because it’s convenient 

21. obsession from childhood? umm.. I don’t know? If I had any?

22. role model? My mom

23. strange habits? watching pimple popping videos

24. favorite crystal? Celestine 

25. first song you remember hearing? Zombie by The Cranberries

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather? Bask in the sun and drink

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather? Curl up in a ball and watch tv bc I hate the cold

28. five songs to describe you? That describe me?? Okay. We’ll try. Man! I Feel Like a Woman-Shania Twain. I Don’t Wanna Be-Gavin Degraw. Who I Am- Jessica Andrews. She Keeps Me Warm-Mary Lambert. This is Me- The Greatest Showman Soundtrack 

29. best way to bond with you? Deep conversations, lots of snacks, and good beer

30. places that you find sacred? the docks at mount holyoke, the woods leading up to the docks

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? ooo... khakis, pink button down, and blazer OR a kick ass dress, depending on the mood. 

32. top five favorite vines? “LOOK AT ALL THOSE CHICKENS.” , It’s an avocado! Thanks!”, “I SMELL LIKE BEEEEF”, “THAT’S MY OPINION”, “That’s what good pussy sounds like”

33. most used phrase in your phone? “I love you” & Yikes bikes

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? WOW that’s a low price! 

35. average time you fall asleep? 11:00

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing? The baby one? idk honestly 

37. suitcase or duffel bag? suitcase is easier to carry 

38. lemonade or tea? tea but i love me some lemonade 

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? lemon meringue pie 

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? my senior year for part of our senior prank my friend brought a keg full of mountain dew to school and people did keg stands in the parking lot

41. last person you texted? wifey 

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets? pants pockets 

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? love a good cardi

44. favorite scent for soap? i have a new mango one that I really like 

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero? superhero

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in? sweatpants and a big tshirt/longsleeve in the winter, basketball shorts in the summer. 

47. favorite type of cheese? ooo... I’m going to go with goats cheese

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? A pomegranate-- i will explain only if asked.

49. what saying or quote do you live by? “We have to create. It is the only thing louder than destruction” -Andrea Gibson

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? idk my wife says a lot of funny things

51. current stresses? not being able to fly and see my wife, my kids not being in the classroom for the rest of the year... basically the state of the world.

52. favorite font? I’m a boring hoe that loves Times New Roman... also into Playfair though. 

53. what is the current state of your hands? Dry as hell and not holding my wife’s... so... not good. 

54. what did you learn from your first job? That not everybody has the same opportunities as me and I should be thankful that I was able to get a college education....

also that drive thru sucks and you should appreciate fast food workers bc their job is shit. 

55. favorite fairy tale? Hansel and Gretel is fun

56. favorite tradition? Christmas party at my parent’s house

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? My grandmother dying is my biggest one, and the struggle of having anxiety is one I’m constantly trying to overcome

58. four talents you’re proud of having? poetry writing, I guess I can sing?, and act a little bit?, teaching-- because I feel like it is a talent

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? absolutely no idea.

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? Something like Ouran High School Host Club

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?  “There is no dishonor in losing the race. There is only dishonor in not racing because you are afraid to lose.”- The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein 

62. seven characters you relate to? Tina from Bob’s Burgers, Piggie from the Elephant and Piggie books, Rory from Gilmore Girls, Part of Monica from Friends, parts of Joey from Friends, Linda from Bob’s Burgers, Oscar the Grouch from Seasame Street

63. five songs that would play in your club? Yeah!-Usher, Dancing Queen- ABBA, Man! I Feel Like a Woman- Shania Twain, Maneater- Nelly Furtado, Work it- Missy Elliot 

64. favorite website from your childhood? Addicting Games

65. any permanent scars? A small scar on my wrist from burning myself on the oven

66. favorite flower(s)? Lilies 

67. good luck charms? My wife

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? GRAPE

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? Otters hold hands

70. left or right handed? right handed 

71. least favorite pattern? Paisley 

72. worst subject? Math

73. favorite weird flavor combo? Ketchup and Mac and Cheese... not really flavors but 

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? 7

75. when did you lose your first tooth? no idea

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? how could I ever pick a favorite potato food when I love them all equally? Except tater tots. Tater tots can go away. 

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill? Cactus 

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? Sush 

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? school ID

80. earth tones or jewel tones? earth tones

81. fireflies or lightning bugs? fireflies 

82. pc or console? pc 

83. writing or drawing? writing

84. podcasts or talk radio? podcasts

84. barbie or polly pocket? POLLY POCKET 

85. fairy tales or mythology? Fairy tales

86. cookies or cupcakes? cookies

87. your greatest fear? plane crash

88. your greatest wish? world peace? also to be living on the same continent as my wife

89. who would you put before everyone else? my wife and my family 

90. luckiest mistake? no clue

91. boxes or bags? bags 

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? fairy lights

93. nicknames? my dad calls me gert (like gertrude) 

94. favorite season? fall

95. favorite app on your phone? My homescapes app 

96. desktop background? just the blue windows background. I’m boring and should change that 

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized? three including mine 

98. favorite historical era? Renaissance? 

[travelonlinetips-blog]

New Post has been published on https://travelonlinetips.com/10-reasons-why-you-should-go-to-the-state-fair/

10 reasons why you should go to the state fair

Stop what you’re doing and find out when your state fair takes place. Once you find out what you’ve been missing, you’ll want to make sure you clear your schedule to attend! If you haven’t been taking part in the time-honored tradition of visiting a state fair, here are 10 reasons why you need to be at the next one.

1. Animals

Fuzzy ducklings at the fair — Photo courtesy of iStock / ideabug

Farm animals headline at state fairs, whether they’re being shown for a 4-H contest or housed in educational exhibits.  Those of us who haven’t had opportunities to visit farms or ranches will enjoy the experience of interacting with critters like cows, pigs, chickens, rabbits, goats, sheep and more.  You might even get to pet some adorable baby animals!

2. Calorie-packed food

While it might seem impossible, there actually are ways to eat healthy at the state fair.  But we’re not interested in that.  It’s not a true state fair experience unless you leave reeking of oil and clutching a grease-soaked bag of fried Oreos to-go.  Where else can you try a hot beef sundae, a Twinkie dog and any number of fried desserts all in one place?

Read more: Ranked: State fair foods that pack the most calories »

3. Crafts

From traditional arts and crafts to the more outside-the-box displays – like sand or butter sculptures – there is an amazing amount of handiwork to admire at the fair.  Peruse the booths, pick out a souvenir to take home, or watch in awe as craftspeople create right in front of you.

4. Cook-offs

Among the many contests occurring at state fairs are cook-offs.  You’ll find everything from the more conventional baking and chili competitions to the more bizarre like Goo Goo Clusters or Spam.  

Read more: The most unique state fair cook-offs »

5. History

Great New York State Fair in 1954 — Photo courtesy of Great New York State Fair

Annual state fairs have taken place in the United States since the 1800s, so many have long and storied histories that are worth exploring. It’s amazing to observe how state fair culture has changed over the years.

Read more: A visual history of the oldest state fair in the country »

6. Eating contests

Cream puff eating contest at Wisconsin State Fair — Photo courtesy of Wisconsin State Fair

You might find eating contests to be an ill-mannered display, but it’s difficult to deny that this pastime is woven into the fabric of American culture.  And not all eating contests have to be as revolting to watch as the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest. 

At state fairs, many of the competitions include children, dialing down the “eww” factor and cranking up the “aww.”  For instance, the Chug-a-Lug contest in Iowa, where kids see who can gulp down a glass of milk the fastest. 

Read more: The most bizarre state fair eating contests »

7. Music

Concerts at state fairs are getting bigger and better — Photo courtesy of E+/South_agency

Musical performances have long been a tradition at state fairs, but it seems that the concerts get bigger and better with each passing year.  Lineups are jam-packed with weeks of shows that highlight big names as well as up-and-coming musicians.

State fairs have also inspired many artists to relate their own views and experiences on the midway, making for a festive playlist that you can enjoy en route.

Read more: Add these 10 songs about going to the state fair to your playlist »

8. People

People-watching is an undeniably entertaining fair activity — Photo courtesy of iStock / Jacob Ammentorp Lund

One of the most fun things to at the state fair is completely free: people-watching.  You can find hours of entertainment just sitting back and taking it all in, with folks trying to figure out just how to eat a giant turkey leg gracefully, families making new memories and crowds laughing themselves silly on rides.

9. Recipe sharing

This stunning cake is a blue ribbon winner — Photo courtesy of Pat McDonogh, The C-J

Food is a huge draw for fair-goers, and if you’re lucky, you might even be able to take home some recipes.  Many events across the country have cooking demonstrations where you can learn how to make select dishes.  And some cook-off winners are willing to share their recipes, allowing you to create award-winning items at home.

Read more: How to make the bourbon cream tipsy cake that won a blue ribbon »

10. Rides

The Ferris wheel is perhaps the most iconic fair ride of them all — Photo courtesy of iStock / kamisoka

Of course, the rides are a huge attraction at state fairs.  There’s always something for everyone, whether you seek thrills on the Zipper, twisting-and-turning amusement on the Scrambler, or low-octane fun on a Ferris wheel.

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Sean Penn Wrote The Worst Novel In Human History, I Read It

Sean Penn recently released Bob Honey Who Just Do Stuff . i> It is, ostensibly, a tale. Sarah Silverman compared Penn to Mark Twain and E.E. Cummings . A Kirkus reviewer likened him to Kurt Vonnegut and David Foster Wallace. Salman Rushdie testified it a notebook that Thomas Pynchon and Hunter S. Thompson would adore, possibly because he longs for the good old days when people wanted him dead. It’s telling that all these figures of likenes are incapable of contradicting because they’re either famously reclusive or dead. Having recently read Bob Honey , i> I am confident in affirming it the literary equivalent of renal failure. Amazon div > To help you prepare yourselves, here are just a few of Penn’s countless wrongdoings against the English usage( he truly likes alliteration ): Evading the viscount fad of Viagratic assaults on virtual vaginas . i> Criminal dab and according personality crusts, bound together by dough . i> This goat-backed lioness began to howl like a bruxism bedevilled banshee . i> 1 The( Barely Existent) Plot Is Complete Nonsense Perhaps the only situation you need to know about Penn’s book is that the summary firstly period, about three elderly people coming murdered in their retirement home, is called “Seeking Homeostasis in Inherent Hypocrisy.” Penn writes like he’s inspected up every single oath in his thesaurus except “dictionary.” He exploits pointless expressions, then renders 70 footnotes to explain the definition of the unnecessary calls, because he assumes that his books aren’t at his stage of intellect. In a direction, he isn’t wrong. Here’s a ordinary sentence, in such a case describing a woman: Effervescence lived in her every cellular expression, and she had spizzerinctum to spare . i> Penn is of the view that if less is more, then more must be incredible. He writes romances like they’re a high school essay he’s hopeles to pad. Read Next Make Sure Your Private Data Stays That Way With A VPN So, about those murdered old-time parties. We’re introduced to Bob Honey, a successful but disaffected middle-aged white man who is brave enough to be suspicious on certain aspects of modern American life. Bob cultivated in waste management, and while selling his assistances in Iraq during the course of its American residence, he became convinced to kill elderly Americans for the government because … well, there’s no actual rationalization, because Penn has taken the artistic approaching of not making his hero any personality or idiosyncrasies. Penn then boldly parodys the Iraq War by pointing out that it was sometimes murderous, and sacred shit you guys, some people may have profited from that acts of violence. It’s an interesting see if these are the first words you’ve spoke since 2003. div > Now, you might be thinking, “OK, that doesn’t sound very profound, but it’s still reasonable to essay the Iraq War, right? ” To which I’d respond that Penn refers to the Pentagon as “the five-sided puzzle palace, ” then specifies a footnote that clarifies he represents “the Pentagon.” From there, we learn that the American administration looks threatened by age-old people who don’t buy fairly branded commodities. The only real plot pitch is that the NSA, a covert section of the EPA, and a assortment of conservative groundworks are working together on these old-fashioned people assassinations because the removal of the flatulence they contribute to the environment permits businesses to pollute more. Way to tackle America’s questions manager on, Sean Penn. After agreeing to help the government kill old-fashioned beings for no good reason, Bob’s drifts of America and the world eventually cause him to reach the marvelous realization that killing people is bad and that, holy shit, America might be bad more . i> So Bob tries and fails to kill a Trump stand-in while extricating his 20 -something girlfriend who has all the character development of a calculator with “BOOBS” written on it. And that’s it. Penn wrote a series of incoherent indignant tweets about America, then pulled them out to novel segment with shit like this TAGEND div > Behind decorative gabion walls, an elderly neighbor sits centurion on his porch watching Bob with unauthorized soupcon. Bob checks this. Detects fucked by his own face . i> 2 Sean Penn Never Learned What Satire Is The idea that the government is killing age-old parties doesn’t have a quality; it’s only there, because it’s something bad parties would do and grr, the government is bad. The whole bible is full-of-the-moon of that kind of vapid pseudo-criticism. Sean Penn is a man who looked at the world and its many issues in all of their breathtaking intricacy and reached judgments like maybe the media … might be influencing what we think about ! Have you considered that marketing might be … trying to manipulate you ? What if legislators … sometimes lie ? And engineering … could it have … downsides ? It’s baby’s first hot take, written at the tender age of 57. Here, for example, is what Penn has to say about millennials TAGEND div > Adderall and advertisers’ chickens had come home to roost. Bob find from feline millennials the disseminations of Instagrams blitzingly blazing from all directions … No one “ve spoken to” anyone, and when they did, it was more about those anthropomorphic arrows than it was the natural air of organically human pas … An age group so lost to letters and steeped in transactional copulation, it seemed of them that they recognise scarcely between an active orgasm and an acted one . i> Wow, sick smolder. Penn careens from “selfies are dumb” to two clauses on gun control to a brief aside on why hunting is good to long stretches during which good-for-nothing happens and no quality is met. It’s as if Penn thought that hurled verse is the fruit of getting one’s penis hurled in a car door. He likens people who buy substance( nothing in particular, exactly substance) to sheep, and then, in case you somehow weren’t going it, certifies: “BAHHH-BAHHH-BILDERBERG.” What do you have to say about sell, Sean? “Branding is being! Labelling is being! The algorithm of modern binary existentialism.” He even talks about ice cream trucks like he can’t get through a single conversation without boasting about his IQ: “The music of an ice cream truck sells sweetness, but its wares are cold and fattening.” But it’s Trump and his voters where Penn is at his least elegant TAGEND div > Between the id and the superego, the sheep had traded a love of their own children for the chance to cry, “Look at me! I’m a pisser on a tree! ” Ouch exits the human mind. Out reaches the orator’s brain-fart, this Jesus of Jonestown, this blind subject to Newtown, spews bile aplenty, to bitch us all down . i> So numerous statements haven’t been used to say so little since Ayn Rand was labor. The greatest insight Penn can muster up is calling Trump “Mein Drumpf” and “Mr. Landlord, ” before swearing “Sir, I request you to struggle. Tweet me, bitch. I dare you.” My cat has stepped on my keyboard and inadvertently referred tweets that are more politically insightful. And it gets worse, because … 3 Sean Penn Thinks It’s Deep To Use Racial Slurs Bob Honey isn’t some splendid subversion of republican Americans. It’s a jog polemical for how Penn watches America, mixed with the incisive equivalent of chewing a child because you think that Swift guy was onto something. So it’s not super huge that the only Mexican references are drug dealer who love tacos and tequila. Or that Penn uses the term “Jew-speak.” Or that the main gang of Iraq War profiteers and senior murderers are cannibalistic Papua New Guineans who wear grass hems and use jolt guns. div > Nothing answers profound commentary of modern America like “What if a knot of stereotypical immigrants are the cause of our problems? And then that’s it, there’s no insightful turn? ” The Guinean leader speaks events like “Caught me a client of kuru! I crackin’ a grizz, my bruva, ” because Sean Penn is systematically working to convince us that proficiency was a mistake. There’s a thin line between satirizing racial issues and only being racist, and Penn took a giant dump on that argument when he wrote the following in the middle of his closing anti-Trump manifesto. I rationalize in advance to like eight different groups of beings for exposing you to this TAGEND “You trying to kill me because I don’t actually believe we’re the ‘best’ country in the world? … You want to kill me, you boogeymen and women, you worshippers of tits, ass, and beefcake, you snivelling, vomitus, kike-, nigger-, towelhead-, and wetback-hating, faggot-fearing colostomy bags of humanity? ” Hey Sean, it’s actually possible to critique Trump and ethnic issues without descent innuendoes like you got a bulk slew on them at Costco. And somehow, that’s not even the worst part. 4 Shockingly, Sean Penn Might Have Some Publishes With Women Penn has a long autobiography of alleged domestic ill-treatment ,~ ATAGEND and while I’m not said today he has issues with women, he seems to be saying that himself. Bob’s ex-wife is described as a “chubby fuckin’ redhead whose supernatural still whorishly specters his bed.” In including references to a pitch-black woman Bob had a crush on, Penn writes: “He thought of her elegance and the enticement of her shaved and shapely cinnamon puts standing at the trailer’s screen door.” Oh, and here’s what he has to say about women with the valour to destroy America by expending makeup: “Had she sold the mythology of her quietnes for cosmetic self-awareness? Going older in America is tough on a woman; discovering what she’ll do to avoid it is tough on a man.” Then there’s Bob’s girlfriend, Annie, whose attributes include being great at making cock from Bob and actually liking Bob. She has no personality , no passions , no rulings. What we do know is that “She may have even been too young. But Bob never riled himself to those used distinctions.” And when Annie writes Bob a tone, she signs it: “My love and vagina( on your squad ). “ div > Other female courages include a bad young baby, a volunteer who gets suck on the number of jobs, a waitress who is described as an “undernourished nymphomaniac, ” and a “lesbo-leaning lunatic” who nearly shits herself. There’s also an “awful chimera” who does shit herself while precipitating overboard and get gobbled by “fifty frenzied sharks( adios, amiga ), ” in one of several instances of Penn exploiting cases of violence against women for the purpose of humor. I study I’ve detected Penn’s fetish, and it’s wives getting hurt and shitting themselves. If you aren’t previously turned off, allow me to perpetually devastate gender for you with Penn at his most erotic TAGEND What a magical vagina, Bob foresaw, after inquiring it for hours . i> “Good vagina. Maybe more Vietnam.” ( Greenback: “Vietnam” is what Penn calls pubic hair .) Tedious trickling of cold cunt soup . i> Now here’s a merriment excerpt from the, ugh , five-and-a-half-page rhyme that culminates the novel TAGEND Where did all the chuckles go ? i> Are you out there, Louis C.K .? i> Once critical conversations Kept us on our toes ; i> Was it actually in our interest div > To stomp Charlie Rose ? i> And what’s with this ‘Me Too’ ? i> This infantizing period of the day … i> Is this a toddler’s crusade ? i> Reducing crime, slut-shaming, and suffrage to reckless child’s comedy ? i> A pulpit for accusation immunity ? i> Due process has lost its sheen ? i> Again, there’s no irony here. Other parts of the poem are serious complaints about issues like mass shootings. Penn just got to the end of a story that he clearly made less time to write than most people devote crafting SpongeBob memes, and expended a half-second deliberation, “Hey, what if it was actually bad that a 76 -year-old millionaire was shot for frequently molesting dames? ” And then he zooms on, like a philosophical collision and feed. He wants to offer half-assed commentary on everything he’s ever glimpsed in the news. And that, I feel, is because … 5 Sean Penn Desperately Wants To Sound Smart The New York Times called Penn’s book “a problem wrapped in an mystery and cloaked in crazy.” I have a simpler explanation: It sucks. “Riddle” implies that there’s something smart to be collected from it. There isn’t. It’s public masturbation. Penn quotes and comments Herodotus, Norman Mailer, Inmar Berman, Jack Kerouac, Phil Ochs, Albert Camus, and more, because like your most ruffling Facebook acquaintances, he thinks that knowing their lists of smart beings stimulates him smart by proxy. div > This garbage has been declared to have “almost immeasurable charm” seemingly alone because it entitles Donald Trump fat. The particularly reality that it was published at all is the eventual lesson of pointing on a arc. Sean Penn is a celebrity, so of course we have to put out his inanity. Penn took the adventurous political stance that ha ha, Trump has a small penis, so of course it’s provocative. Even some of the many people who thumped it was better called it happens like “brave” or a misfired account. It’s not, and it isn’t. That Penn recognizes this record as some kind of daring statement against branding is the high levels of hypocrisy and arrogance. This work is on shelves merely because Sean Penn is a “brand.” I realise the absurdity now, that I’m contributing to the attention that Penn is getting. But this isn’t really a commentary; it’s a notice. Don’t buy this volume because Sarah Silverman called it a “masterpiece.” Don’t buy this notebook out of melancholy curiosity. Taunting documents sent by serial gunmen have contributed more to American culture than this book ever will, and the only beneficial thought we can do is ignore it like it’s an attention-seeking babe. If I still haven’t persuaded you, here’s what Sean Penn has to say after a scene in which a helicopter crushes a woman TAGEND “As for Helen Mayo, they did Sikh and find abides. Get it? Sikh! Get it ??? ” I know you’ll do the right thing. Mark is on Twitter, and has a book with a better rating than Penn’s . Guess we’d be remiss not to relate “youve got to” where you could purchase the book, so here it is if “youve been” demand it . b > i> Support Cracked’s journalism with a tour to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you . b > i> For more comical personality literature, check out I Read Steven Seagal’s Insane Novel So You Don’t Have To and 6 Ugly Things You Hear About Donald Trump Reading His Books . b > i> You certainly should be following us on Facebook . b > i> Read more: http :// www.cracked.com/ blog/ sean-penn-wrote-worst-novel-in-human-history-i-read-it / http://dailybuzznetwork.com/index.php/2018/06/08/sean-penn-wrote-the-worst-novel-in-human-history-i-read-it/

[trendingnewsb]

Sean Penn Wrote The Worst Novel In Human History, I Read It

Sean Penn recently released Bob Honey Who Just Do Stuff. It is, ostensibly, a novel. Sarah Silverman compared Penn to Mark Twain and E.E. Cummings. A Kirkus reviewer equated him to Kurt Vonnegut and David Foster Wallace. Salman Rushdie declared it a book that Thomas Pynchon and Hunter S. Thompson would love, possibly because he longs for the good old days when people wanted him dead. It’s telling that all these figures of comparison are incapable of disagreeing because they’re either famously reclusive or dead. Having recently read Bob Honey, I am confident in declaring it the literary equivalent of renal failure.

Amazon

To help you prepare yourselves, here are just a few of Penn’s many atrocities against the English language (he really likes alliteration):

Evading the viscount vogue of Viagratic assaults on virtual vaginas.

Criminal crumbs and corresponding celebrity crusts, bound together by dough.

This goat-backed lioness began to hoot like a bruxism bedevilled banshee.

1

The (Barely Existent) Plot Is Complete Nonsense

Perhaps the only thing you need to know about Penn’s book is that the brief first chapter, about three elderly people getting murdered in their retirement home, is called “Seeking Homeostasis in Inherent Hypocrisy.” Penn writes like he’s looked up every single word in his thesaurus except “dictionary.” He uses unnecessary terms, then provides 70 footnotes to explain the definition of the unnecessary terms, because he assumes that his readers aren’t at his level of intelligence. In a way, he isn’t wrong.

Here’s a typical sentence, in this case describing a woman: Effervescence lived in her every cellular expression, and she had spizzerinctum to spare. Penn thinks that if less is more, then more must be incredible. He writes novels like they’re a high school essay he’s desperate to pad.

Read Next

Make Sure Your Private Data Stays That Way With A VPN

So, about those murdered old people. We’re introduced to Bob Honey, a successful but disaffected middle-aged white man who is brave enough to be suspicious of some aspects of modern American life. Bob worked in waste management, and while selling his services in Iraq during the American occupation, he became convinced to kill elderly Americans for the government because … well, there’s no actual explanation, because Penn has taken the creative approach of not giving his hero any personality or traits. Penn then boldly satirizes the Iraq War by pointing out that it was sometimes violent, and holy shit you guys, some people may have profited from that violence. It’s an interesting observation if these are the first words you’ve read since 2003.

Now, you might be thinking, “OK, that doesn’t sound very profound, but it’s still reasonable to critique the Iraq War, right?” To which I’d respond that Penn refers to the Pentagon as “the five-sided puzzle palace,” then provides a footnote that clarifies he means “the Pentagon.”

From there, we learn that the American government feels threatened by old people who don’t buy enough branded products. The only real plot point is that the NSA, a covert section of the EPA, and a bunch of conservative foundations are working together on these old people murders because the removal of the flatulence they contribute to the environment allows businesses to pollute more. Way to tackle America’s problems head on, Sean Penn.

After agreeing to help the government kill old people for no good reason, Bob’s wanderings of America and the world eventually cause him to reach the incredible realization that killing people is bad and that, holy shit, America might be bad too. So Bob tries and fails to kill a Trump stand-in while rescuing his 20-something girlfriend who has all the character development of a calculator with “BOOBS” written on it. And that’s it. Penn wrote a series of incoherent angry tweets about America, then stretched them out to novel length with shit like this:

Behind decorative gabion walls, an elderly neighbor sits centurion on his porch watching Bob with surreptitious soupcon. Bob sees this. Feels fucked by his own face.

2

Sean Penn Never Learned What Satire Is

The idea that the government is killing old people doesn’t have a point; it’s just there, because it’s something bad people would do and grr, the government is bad. The whole book is full of that kind of vapid pseudo-criticism. Sean Penn is a man who looked at the world and its many issues in all of their incredible complexity and reached conclusions like maybe the media … might be influencing what we think about! Have you considered that marketing might be … trying to manipulate you? What if politicians … sometimes lie? And technology … could it have … downsides? It’s baby’s first hot take, written at the tender age of 57. Here, for example, is what Penn has to say about millennials:

Adderall and advertisers’ chickens had come home to roost. Bob felt from feline millennials the transmissions of Instagrams blitzingly blazing from all directions … No one spoke to anyone, and when they did, it was more about those anthropomorphic arrows than it was the natural air of organically human traverse … An age group so lost to letters and steeped in transactional sex, it seemed of them that they distinguished little between an active orgasm and an acted one.

Wow, sick burn. Penn careens from “selfies are dumb” to two paragraphs on gun control to a brief aside on why hunting is bad to long stretches during which nothing happens and no point is made. It’s as if Penn thought that slam poetry was the result of getting one’s penis slammed in a car door.

He compares people who buy stuff (nothing in particular, just stuff) to sheep, and then, in case you somehow weren’t getting it, declares: “BAHHH-BAHHH-BILDERBERG.” What do you have to say about marketing, Sean? “Branding is being! Branding is being! The algorithm of modern binary existentialism.” He even talks about ice cream trucks like he can’t get through a single conversation without bragging about his IQ: “The music of an ice cream truck sells sweetness, but its wares are cold and fattening.” But it’s Trump and his voters where Penn is at his least elegant:

Between the id and the superego, the sheep had traded a love of their own children for the chance to cry, “Look at me! I’m a pisser on a tree!” Ouch goes the human heart. Out comes the orator’s brain-fart, this Jesus of Jonestown, this blind man to Newtown, spits bile aplenty, to bitch us all down.

So many words haven’t been used to say so little since Ayn Rand was working. The greatest insight Penn can muster up is calling Trump “Mein Drumpf” and “Mr. Landlord,” before declaring “Sir, I challenge you to duel. Tweet me, bitch. I dare you.” My cat has stepped on my keyboard and accidentally sent tweets that are more politically insightful. And it gets worse, because …

3

Sean Penn Thinks It’s Deep To Use Racial Slurs

Bob Honey isn’t some brilliant subversion of conservative Americans. It’s a rambling polemic for how Penn sees America, mixed with the satirical equivalent of eating a child because you think that Swift guy was onto something. So it’s not super great that the only Mexican characters are drug dealers who love tacos and tequila. Or that Penn uses the term “Jew-speak.” Or that the main gang of Iraq War profiteers and senior murderers are cannibalistic Papua New Guineans who wear grass skirts and use blow guns.

Nothing says profound criticism of modern America like “What if a bunch of stereotypical immigrants are the cause of our problems? And then that’s it, there’s no insightful twist?” The Guinean leader says things like “Caught me a case of kuru! I crackin’ a grizz, my bruva,” because Sean Penn is systematically working to convince us that literacy was a mistake.

There’s a thin line between satirizing racial issues and just being racist, and Penn took a giant dump on that line when he wrote the following in the middle of his closing anti-Trump manifesto. I apologize in advance to like eight different groups of people for exposing you to this:

“You want to kill me because I don’t really believe we’re the ‘best’ country in the world? … You want to kill me, you boogeymen and women, you worshippers of tits, ass, and beefcake, you snivelling, vomitus, kike-, nigger-, towelhead-, and wetback-hating, faggot-fearing colostomy bags of humanity?”

Hey Sean, it’s actually possible to critique Trump and racial issues without dropping slurs like you got a bulk deal on them at Costco. And somehow, that’s not even the worst part.

4

Shockingly, Sean Penn Might Have Some Issues With Women

Penn has a long history of alleged domestic abuse, and while I’m not saying that he has issues with women, he seems to be saying that himself. Bob’s ex-wife is described as a “chubby fuckin’ redhead whose ghost still whorishly haunts his bed.” In reference to a black woman Bob had a crush on, Penn writes: “He thought of her beauty and the lure of her shaved and shapely cinnamon sticks standing at the trailer’s screen door.” Oh, and here’s what he has to say about women with the audacity to destroy America by using makeup: “Had she traded the mythology of her modesty for cosmetic self-awareness? Getting older in America is tough on a woman; seeing what she’ll do to avoid it is tough on a man.”

Then there’s Bob’s girlfriend, Annie, whose traits include being great at taking dick from Bob and really liking Bob. She has no personality, no desires, no opinions. What we do know is that “She may have even been too young. But Bob never bothered himself with those distinctions.” And when Annie writes Bob a note, she signs it: “My love and vagina (on your team).”

Other female characters include a bad young mother, a volunteer who gets drunk on the job, a waitress who is described as an “undernourished nymphomaniac,” and a “lesbo-leaning lunatic” who almost shits herself. There’s also an “awful chimera” who does shit herself while falling overboard and getting eaten by “fifty frenzied sharks (adios, amiga),” in one of several instances of Penn using violence against women for comedy. I think I’ve discovered Penn’s fetish, and it’s women getting hurt and shitting themselves. If you aren’t already turned off, allow me to forever ruin sex for you with Penn at his most sensual:

What a magical vagina, Bob thought, after exploring it for hours.

“Good vagina. Maybe more Vietnam.” (Note: “Vietnam” is what Penn calls pubic hair.)

Tedious trickling of cold cunt soup.

Now here’s a fun excerpt from the, ugh, five-and-a-half-page poem that ends the novel:

Where did all the laughs go?

Are you out there, Louis C.K.?

Once crucial conversations

Kept us on our toes;

Was it really in our interest

To trample Charlie Rose?

And what’s with this ‘Me Too’?

This infantizing term of the day …

Is this a toddler’s crusade?

Reducing rape, slut-shaming, and suffrage to reckless child’s play?

A platform for accusation impunity?

Due process has lost its sheen?

Again, there’s no satire here. Other parts of the poem are serious complaints about issues like mass shootings. Penn just got to the end of a novel that he clearly took less time to write than most people spend crafting SpongeBob memes, and spent a half-second thinking, “Hey, what if it was actually bad that a 76-year-old millionaire was fired for repeatedly harassing women?” And then he zooms on, like a philosophical hit and run. He wants to offer half-assed commentary on everything he’s ever glimpsed in the news. And that, I think, is because …

5

Sean Penn Desperately Wants To Sound Smart

The New York Times called Penn’s book “a riddle wrapped in an enigma and cloaked in crazy.” I have a simpler explanation: It sucks. “Riddle” implies that there’s something clever to be gleaned from it. There isn’t. It’s public masturbation. Penn quotes and references Herodotus, Norman Mailer, Inmar Berman, Jack Kerouac, Phil Ochs, Albert Camus, and more, because like your most annoying Facebook friends, he thinks that knowing the names of smart people makes him smart by proxy.

This garbage has been declared to have “almost immeasurable charm” seemingly solely because it calls Donald Trump fat. The very fact that it was published at all is the ultimate example of grading on a curve. Sean Penn is a celebrity, so of course we have to put out his inanity. Penn took the bold political stance that ha ha, Trump has a small penis, so of course it’s provocative. Even some of the many people who slammed it still called it things like “brave” or a misfired statement. It’s not, and it isn’t. That Penn sees this book as some kind of bold statement against branding is the height of hypocrisy and arrogance. This book is on shelves only because Sean Penn is a “brand.”

I realize the irony here, that I’m contributing to the attention that Penn is getting. But this isn’t just a critique; it’s a warning. Don’t buy this book because Sarah Silverman called it a “masterpiece.” Don’t buy this book out of morbid curiosity. Taunting notes sent by serial killers have contributed more to American culture than this book ever will, and the only productive thing we can do is ignore it like it’s an attention-seeking child. If I still haven’t convinced you, here’s what Sean Penn has to say after a scene in which a helicopter crushes a woman:

“As for Helen Mayo, they did Sikh and find remains. Get it? Sikh! Get it???”

I know you’ll do the right thing.

Mark is on Twitter, and has a book with a better rating than Penn’s.

Guess we’d be remiss not to link you to where you could purchase the book, so here it is if you really want it.

Support Cracked’s journalism with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.

For more bizarre celebrity literature, check out I Read Steven Seagal’s Insane Novel So You Don’t Have To and 6 Ugly Things You Learn About Donald Trump Reading His Books.

You really should be following us on Facebook.

Read more: http://www.cracked.com/blog/sean-penn-wrote-worst-novel-in-human-history-i-read-it/

from Viral News HQ https://ift.tt/2I8aM6b via Viral News HQ

[kidsviral-blog]

Couple Pays $300 Each For Dinner And Get Something That Wouldn't Fill Anyone's Belly

New Post has been published on https://kidsviral.info/couple-pays-300-each-for-dinner-and-get-something-that-wouldnt-fill-anyones-belly/

Couple Pays $300 Each For Dinner And Get Something That Wouldn't Fill Anyone's Belly

While most of us stick to using emojis on our phone to help portray our moods, one restaurant in Bangkok is taking patrons on a “journey through modern Indian cuisine in 25 emojis.”

But with 25 courses, such an impressive display of culinary talent must come at a pretty hefty price. Gaggan Restaurant, which has the distinction of being the number seven restaurant in the world, offers customers this delicious journey for just $300 a person.

And while such an expensive meal might not be in the cards for most of us, one couple decided to shell out $600 on their anniversary and indulge in the Indian delicacies prepared by chef Gaggan Anand. Keep reading to hear their thoughts on the extravagant tasting menu.

Imgur / jamesn86

“My wife and I first went to this restaurant on our honeymoon in 2013. It wasn’t very well known then, the concierge at our hotel couldn’t even give us directions (and he was sporting a clef d’ors badge!)

Back then, they had 2 set menus and an a la carte option. We went the first time and had a set menu for about $70 for two and enjoyed it so much we went back a couple of nights later for the à la carte.

For our fourth anniversary, we made the trip back to Bangkok and before we had even booked flights, I had booked us in at this restaurant we had raved about ever since our honeymoon.

When we arrived, the maître d’ told us that we were invited to the chef’s table and did we accept (of course!)

The restaurant has changed a bit in the last four years, renovations etc. and the chef’s table was in the extension to the main restaurant and upstairs. We went upstairs with the 10 other guests and these were the menus placed before us — oh boy!”

Imgur / jamesn86

“I’ve included another photo which is a bit clearer. The pen marks are where the new wine was to be poured — we couldn’t NOT have the matching wine — and what a fantastic decision that was too.”

Imgur / jamesn86

“Here we have the first course: paan.

Paan is a traditional Indian street food made with betel leaf, a variety of fruits, spices, seeds, and occasionally tobacco.

This paan had a small betel leaf prepared in a light tempura batter and some chilli dabbed on top — a far cry from the paan I had first tasted at about 1am on the streets of Delhi!”

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“Ah yes, as Chef Gaggan called it, “the dish that made him famous”.

In 2013, this dish was on his menu, and he says it will be on his last ever menu too.

Simple, although probably not. It is yoghurt (think raita) but spherified. The spherification (and reverse spherification) process is about the combination of a preparation including sodium alginate, and a preparation high in calcium. The sodium alginate and calcium solution react to form a thin skin around your solution and as you put it in your mouth, the yoghurt explodes and you drink it.”

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“Here he is, the man himself, Chef Gaggan Anand.

All around nice guy, and just super passionate about making good food using different techniques.

We first met him when we just finished eating at his restaurant the second time and it was raining, so we were waiting out front for a taxi; there was this chef there and he asked us how we enjoyed our meal (it was amazing!) and then we started to discuss politics as the riots had just started. He wished us a good night as we hopped in the taxi and we saw him walk across the road and unlock a BMW — ah, might have been Gaggan that we just spoke to!

Rumour has it that he was a big drive for the Michelin Guide to finally come to Bangkok last year. In a city full of stand out restaurants, he’s been a consistently strong performer and really helped put it on the culinary map, so I can believe those rumours. How many Michelin stars did he get first time around? Just a casual two”

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“So the next course was prawn heads with goo…only kidding!

You know tom yum soup? This is freeze dried prawn head with a concoction in an edible film wrapper which tasted like the most amazing tom yum soup!”

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“These are eggplant wafers. I cannot even begin to describe how painful the process of making these sounds, but I’ll give it a go: 1) roast the eggplants until they’re burned on the outside and cooked inside 2) blast freeze to -40*C 3) freeze dry to remove all moisture (about 4 days) 4) pound into powder, mix with spices and oil to make a dough and cut with cookie cutter 5) put onion chutney in the inside like an oreo Congratulate the 8-9 chefs who worked on it for 5-6 days before serving to your guests to devour in one bite!”

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“Shake your bon bon! Chilli bon bons!

As with everything so far, not too spicy, a very delicate balance of flavours and textures — a beautifully firm but delicate shell with a creamy, slightly spicy inside.”

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“This one got me a little. One of my favourite on the menu for sure.

A heartier serve than other portions prior, a meaty dish that really had some great flavours going on.

Apparently it was goat. Brains. What? I’ve eaten brains before and there’s quite a soft texture to them, I remember it being almost creamy which I didn’t think this dish had. On reflection though, I suppose it wasn’t a really meaty texture, just a hint of meaty flavour and a smoothness to the bite after breaking the shell around it.”

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“Anyone here au fait with subcontinental cuisine? Does idli sambar sound familiar?

Idli are a type of rice cake and sambar is a lentil-based dish cooked in a tamarind broth giving it a hint of sweetness.

In this instance, the idli were more like rice puffs, soft and very light, while the sambar was a foam which brought the subtle sweetness of the tamarind through with the more noticeable savouriness of the lentil soup.

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“Forget the formality of chef’s whites, Gaggan is a rock star and would prefer to make great food and give guests a good time than try to “look the part”.”

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“These bad boys are chicken liver and coconut. If I’m being honest, I’ve kinda forgotten the flavours of this dish so I’m terribly sorry.”

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“I remember one of the sommeliers asking me what my favourite dish was and I didn’t want to say this dish because everyone else had said it, but it was a fantastic little burger. It was probably the surprise factor to an extent — just unassuming and then bam! Really terrific flavours and yet so simple.”

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“Fish tacos. Hands down my favourite variety of taco — a nice soft tortilla with perhaps a fresh mango salsa and some beautiful, fresh fish et voilà!

Despite my least favourite taco shell (being a hard one), this was a chance to showcase the quality seafood that you can get in Bangkok. It was a joy to eat.

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“Any guesses?How about yuzu marshmallow and foie gras?

This marshmallow was really well made (like, REALLY!) it was a little chewy, but only insofar as to offer the slightest resistance as you bit through it and took a small pillow of citrus with your foie gras and wafer. Incredible.”

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“At this point, Gaggan walked around asking everyone the same thing: is this cheesecake, or is this fish?

Who has two thumbs, speaks limited French and only said cheesecake because everyone else said fish? This moi.

It was fish. Of course it was fish. It was OBVIOUS it was fish. I just thought that maybe, MAYBE, the obvious answer wasn’t the right answer. What a dweeb.

Well, it was a cheesecake texture, and an interesting take on the fish cake!”

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“Uni = sea urchin.

Honestly, not my favourite. People love it, and that’s cool. I’m just not one of them and that’s okay too.

Those little balls on top? Oh hey, welcome back spherification! Those are gin and tonic balls.

Aside from the fact that uni isn’t something I enjoy, I got this dish. It was serving some crisp flavours with the gin and tonic balls (and a bit of sorbet below the uni) to cut through the seafood-y flavour of the sea urchin all served in an easy-to-hold seaweed wrapper.”

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“Fresh (I mean prepared right in front of us) medium fatty tuna sushi.

I can’t tell you how good this was — you just have that feeling when you take a bit of something and know that everything is right in this world.”

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“Everyone knows matcha tea, it’s made with…matcha? Well, this was a cold preparation made with asparagus, celery, and some other vegetables and herbs WHICH PERFECTLY REPLICATED THE TASTE OF MATCHA!! This is witchcraft. I honestly couldn’t tell you how surprised I was that he told us we basically just had vegetable soup.”

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“You like pork? You like curry with a kick? How about a mouthful-sized serving of pork vindaloo served in a coating of panko breadcrumbs? Yum.”

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“An uncooked curry: yes it was served temperate, yes those scallops were to die for, and yes, that is a quenelle of coconut ice cream which combined with a slightly spicy green chutney to just remind you that this was a curry you were eating.”

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“Caged chicken.”

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“Oh, actually, it’s quail! I might have tried to convince my wife to let me have her portion of this one too…

Chettinad is a typically spicy curry from southern India, in this instance, that fire was reduced to a marinade before cooking, and then a small dollop of just-spicy-enough goodness beneath the quail breasts.”

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“So this is Paturi. Paturi is one of those universal dishes which seems to have been simultaneously invented by every civilisation around the world.

Simply, it is cooking something in a banana leaf. This particular specimen was cooked sandwiched between cedar wood, with some rice and fish wrapped in the banana leaf.”

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“Unfortunately I failed to hear the exact method behind this dish. Essentially, it was this very crisp exterior which mimicked charcoal in texture, with some of this in powdered form on top. What was inside was this creamy asparagus, although not overwhelmingly asparagus flavoured. A really, really interesting dish from a texture perspective.”

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“Lobster in a delicately spiced sauce, on top of a dosa (an Indian pancake of sorts). You know how I said I like fish tacos except in the soft tortilla? Yeah, swap the fish and mango salsa for lobster in a curry-style sauce and that’s more like it. I tried stealing the wife’s portion again but almost got my hand bitten off.”

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“We got served this box next, wonder what’s inside?”

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“Roses. Hand-made. Out of…beetroot? Well, I couldn’t tell it was beetroot. A shame to destroy someone’s handiwork, but heck, I already ate the eggplant cookie so I didn’t feel that bad.”

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“Wait, so curry mango and chocolate?

Not the most outrageous thing I’ve eaten tonight, I’ll try it…of course it’s amazing. It’s exactly what you think will happen when a team of passionate, top-notch chefs put their mind to creating a fusion of something we think of as earthy and spicy, with the sweetness of mango and then have the chocolate sandwich it together.”

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“Twist on the Black Forest cake anyone? I forget how the cherries were prepared, but they had that nice tang to them that cherries sometimes get, while the powder melted in your saliva to give a wonderful creamy texture to a classic dessert.”

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“Ghewar, or ghevar, is a sweet biscuity-cake snack from northern India. In this case, combine this ghewar, which isn’t overly sweet, with a slice of mango to give it a little sweetness kick, results in a divine dessert to close off this epic culinary journey.”

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“Overall, it was about a five out of seven (maybe even a 13/10). Would definitely eat there a fourth time to see what Gaggan and his team have devised next.”

Read more: http://www.viralnova.com/expensive-dinner/

[dietauthority]

Tried and Reviewed - Bonativo`s Online Local Market

On Monday afternoon around 2 o'clock my doorbell rang. I unlocked to see that my distribution from Bonativo had actually shown up. Bonativo is an initiative that gets regional products from the farmer or producer right to our table. My Bonativo package deal contained regional and also healthy and balanced products from around Amsterdam, however it also exists in Berlin and also London. This time the plan was assembled by another person, yet you could place it together yourself as well as pick just the items you like on their website and have it supplied to your residence whenever suits you. Specifically for you, I maintained a food journal to reveal you just what I finished with these lovely products!

Monday

14.30 Fruitmatties, made of raspberries. While I was unloading, this was the item that caught my eye and I wished to experiment with immediately. Healthy and balanced and also delicious!

16.00 Pre- as well as post-workout Truly Good Juices. These chilly pressed juices are best to moisten in the past as well as after my 7K run. The juices were so fresh as well as packed with vitamins. I had the biet and also venkel, which were both amazing!

19.00 Supper time! I couldn't wait making my first Bonativo supper. I do not consume a great deal of carbohydrates so my dinner contained a piece of beef and also vegetables. Below is exactly what I did making it even more delicious. I began by cutting the zucchini into long pieces. After my grill fumed, I barbequed the zucchini strips for around 2 minutes on each side. When the zucchini was smoked I just marinated them with simply a little Keems salad clothing and also sea salt. Easy as that. In the meanwhile I put the red and also yellow cherry tomatoes with some olive oil in a warm frying pan for concerning 5 minutes up until they are soft. And also merely prior to I took them off the fire, I deglazed them with a bit of balsamic vinegar. When you deglaze them prior to you take them of the fire the balsamic vinegar will certainly offer them an extra taste. Since the zucchini has left the grill there is space for the beef. I smoked it really soon, regarding 3 minutes on each side. And right before I took the beef off the grill I deglazed it with some soy sauce. I like to eat tidy, simple as well as healthy and balanced. Besides these products are so good that you do not need to do a lot with them making them tasty.

21.00 Delicious treat. These were the very first strawberries I had this strawberry season. And they tasted quite good!

Tuesday

9.00 Morning meal of champs. Breakfast is my most vital meal of the day. I had some goat yoghurt with seeds as well as strawberries!

12.00 When it is lunchtime I like a sandwich. I call it my Dutch responsible enjoyment. So I made myself a delicious sandwich with red wine mustard, deliciously zesty and classy, arugula and also smoked chicken. I was nicely surprised by the special taste of the smoked chicken.

14.00 I saved the best for last. A GOOD fruit ice lotion. It was just one of the first warm summertime days and also the only point you could do to cool down is consume a gelato. This rapsberry on a stick is a revitalizing, healthy and tasty treat.

The verdict: Overall every little thing tasted great and the items were of wonderful quality. I suched as that everything is regional and also selected with treatment. If you intend to eat healthy and balanced, sensibly as well as desire your grocery stores delivered each time which is convenient for you, Bonativo is the place to be.

Thanks to Sofie, Bonativo NL supplies you as a Modellist-ID reader a 'complimentary salad box' with your order making use of the code 'SofieO' on www.bonativo.nl.

[josephkitchen0]

The Care and Feeding of Barn Cats

Show me a good old American Barn and  I bet  I can find  barn cats there.  Some are placed there by the family,  to keep mice at bay, and some find their own way to a warm cozy barn. If the complete truth was known, some barn cats arrive at barns because litters of kittens are often dropped off at farms when no one is looking, by irresponsible cat owners.

Now that you have the barn, and the barn cats to go with it, how do you care for the outdoor working cat?  If you want the barn cats to live a long happy life, care for it much the same you would an indoor kitty.  Barn cats need quality food and a constant supply of fresh water.  Even though you may be hoping that the barn cat will be hungry enough to do a job of catching potentially damaging mice, they still need to be fed a diet that will keep them healthy and strong.  So what should you plan on when taking care of  a barn cat?  I put together a list of care requirements for the hard working barn cat.

The Hardworking Barn Cats – Part of Your Barn Crew

1.  First and most important, spay or neuter your pet.  There are many consequences of having a fertile female or roaming tom cat on your property.  In addition to the obvious, unwanted litters of kittens, non neutered cats tend to wander, get in fights, and bring disease back to your barn.  Most communities have low cost spay and neuter programs available.  Neutering a male barn cats cuts down on the wandering a bit and keeps him closer to home so he can do his job. Here’s a great post for opportunities for giving a barn cat a home if you live in Maine.

2. Vaccinations.  Consult a veterinarian for the needed inoculations for your cats. A Rabies shot is a must for all animals and a requirement in many localities.  Contact with wildlife puts your cat  at higher risk for Rabies and Feline Leukemia in addition to other deadly diseases.

Hard Working Barn Cats Need Nutritious Food

3.  Nutrition.  Did you know that cats are true carnivores?  This means they need to get their nutrition from meat.   Cats need protein.  Cat food is higher in protein and fat, than dog food.  Feed your cat a good quality cat food and your cat will perform better and remain healthier, with less allergies and less skin problems.  No matter  what you hear, cats do not thrive on catching mice alone.  They still need proper nutrition provided for them.  

Try to give the cats a place to eat where the other animals won’t bother them.  Our barn cats have to eat on a shelf, overlooking the goats pen, because the goats will eat the cat food if given a chance.  Also, raccoon and other wildlife will be attracted to cat food so you may get some unwanted dinner guest.  And most important- plenty of fresh clean water! 

4. Breakaway collar or no collar.  Outdoor animals run into the risk of catching their collar on branches or other objects.  Breakaway collars are designed to break under pressure, so the animal is not injured.  Other, more costly alternatives would be micro chip or tattoo ID marking.

     Be Observant

5   Get to  know your cat and its habits.  Just as you get to know if your house pet  is feeling poorly,  knowing your barn cat’s personality and habits can go a long way to ward off a problem as soon as it starts.  If your cat normally greets you in the morning, it may ring alarm bells when the cat doesn’t show up for breakfast.  If your cat likes to crawl into hiding places, it may get locked in a shed or worse, driven away by an unsuspecting visitor.  One time our cat ended up  in the next state by accidentally hitching a ride with the equine dentist. 

After looking for the whole day and calling neighbors,  I remembered that the dentist and the vet had both been to our farm the day Tigger disappeared.  After calling and leaving a message with both parties, we heard back that Tigger had been found in the cargo area of the  dentist’s truck by his wife.  The story had a happy ending but if I had not called, we may not have gotten Tigger back.  You see, I recalled that he liked to get into cars when people left the windows open.  Knowing his habits and behavior helped  us have a happy ending.

A Place to Sleep 

6. Shelter–  Presuming that your barn kitty has a barn to take shelter in, this would be sufficient shelter from weather,  If there is no building for the cat to go in, please consider providing somewhere out of the wind and rain for the cat to snuggle into during extremes in weather.

All of our barn cats have been treated as hard working members of the barn family.  They have a job and do it well.  They greet us first thing in the morning to let us know that every thing is ok.  Don’t you just love it when they bring you the spoils of the hunt?  Just kidding.  At least we know that they are earning their keep!

    For more on this topic you may enjoy Pasture Deficit Disorder’s Kitten Fort.

or Bringing a Barn Cat to the Homestead from 104Homestead.  

    Pin for later

  The Care and Feeding of Barn Cats was originally posted by All About Chickens