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counterpunches · 4 years ago

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End (Beginning Movement)

Fandom: The Haunting of Bly Manor Pairing: Dani Clayton/Jaime Taylor Rating: T Wordcount: 4,137 Note: all the thanks to the incredible @foomatic for being a fantastic beta and even better friend. so much so that she actual recorded herself reading the story to help ID and fix all the tenses to make it coherent and then just straight up turned it into a podfic set to the show's musical score. Its way cooler than I ever thought it'd be, so feel free to please check it out here

Summary: If standing silently and bearing witness was all Jamie could do, she gladly took the weight of it if it meant one less thing for Dani to carry. Jamie coiled it tight back into herself and created her own waiting, lurking beast. Jamie was quiet with her rage for a while, until she was shaking with it. Until it threatened to explode out of her skin like a bomb and she wouldn’t ever - ever - let Dani come close to the shrapnel. Instead she was the steady rock that Dani needed and imploded later, somewhere else, somewhere safe. She just wanted to fucking break something. Couldn’t get her hands on the Lady, couldn’t pull her out of Dani, so she had to find the next best thing.

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It was easy, Jamie thought, as her head pounded and temple throbbed.

Well, not so much now, at this moment, with a hangover thundering out a pulse on the timpani of her skull as she clung to the toilet like a lover in the night. Every joint and muscle aches, a combination of sleeping half slumped over in the bathroom, age, and the consequences of booze. She leans back with a groan, back twinging, shoulders popping, and as nausea roils, takes a few deep breaths to settle her stomach. Evidently spending the rest of last night praying to the porcelain god didn’t buy her any grace today.

But in general, it was easier, spending the night chasing the bottom of a pint glass, in a way nothing else was these days. Christ, even breathing was hard. Been hard since the day her lungs fought for surface despite her best intentions. Been burning with it, since, taking in air in a world that Dani Clayton no longer existed in.

The water refused to take her, so she’d found another way to drown.

So yeah. It was easy, sliding into bad habits like an forgotten favorite jacket. A glass of wine became a bottle. What was one or two nights to forget against a million more? A bottle quickly became too slow. Why waste time, Jamie thought, chasing one cup after another? Best to jump straight to the hard stuff, then.

Jamie never beat around the bush before, seemed no point in starting now, her bluntness having been softened over the years by Dani’s love. The very edges of her ebbed into the waters of an ocean that was no longer there. Jamie was parched. She was so thirsty. So she drank.

Wrong kind of love can fuck you up. Right one can, too.

Just as bad, really.

Worse, if you’re lucky.

Love and possession may be opposites, but Jamie had given her heart away a long time ago and she didn’t know how to keep it beating when it was no longer hers. Everything she was had already been given over to Dani. Given eagerly. Freely. Like all things best loved are. And that’s the thing about a freed thing, isn’t it? Doesn't come back just because you want it to. Just because you miss it.

This part of her - it isn’t peaceful, Dani had said. And Jamie had understood.

Understood in blood and bone, in the way something so small and insignificant can snap. Remembers how rage can end with kneeling in a rain-soaked alleyway, groaning from an ass kicking she probably deserved, probably was searching for, blood trickling down from a split eyebrow. Remembered how she grimaced, the twinge in her ribs matching the bitter taste of metal in her mouth, but it’d hurt and there was a sick measure of comfort in that; making part of the world match the brokenness inside her.

So yeah. She knew rage. Recognized it. Hated that something so ugly and angry and raw resided inside of Dani, something that couldn’t possibly exist naturally - there wasn’t an atom of that kind of violence in Dani’s body. She wouldn’t give into the wrath, Jamie knew even then, in the cradle of knowing her. Dani would never. And the unfairness of her having to suffer through the struggle of it anyway made the part of Jamie that resonated in recognition with Viola burn.

It’s you. It’s me. It’s us, the rage said, taunting her through the fissures of Dani’s struggle.

It was all she could do to hold it in that day, her teeth cracking under the weight of it, in the horrible quiet of the room as Dani confessed. As she gave voice to the terrible truth that now resided in her. She’s waiting, Dani had whispered. If standing silently and bearing witness was all Jamie could do, she gladly took the weight of it if it meant one less thing for Dani to carry. Jamie coiled it tight back into herself and created her own waiting, lurking beast.

And Jamie knew from past experience that the only way to control the beast was to let it out of captivity from time to time. To let the monster run wild and exhaust itself so she could wrestle it back into the cage.

The rage festered. Jamie felt it rumbling deep in her chest.

So when Dani finally left the room with a shaky determination (“Better find out what those kids are getting up to,"), Jamie knew she had to let it breathe.

No one would remember where the dent in the wall came from. It was chalked up as an accident, caused by one of the many pieces of furniture having knocked into things on its way out to the moving truck. Jamie had to hold in the scream that broiled inside and searched for a safer place for it to land.

She still had to walk by that fucking lake to get to the greenhouse.

Under cover of the potted sanctum, Jamie let loose the beast. Anger clawed, scratching out her throat. The greenhouse was excellent at absorbing sound, plants and leaves shaking with the echoes of her cries, and if Jamie’s voice seemed a little hoarse, it was easy enough to blame it on something else. Easy enough, to explain away her split knuckles on mis-gauging the distance while bringing one of the heavier boxes outside. Or scraping it against some gravel. Or anything other than slamming her fist into the wall again and again and again.

It was new though, needing to find ways to hide it from Dani. Never had to hide it from anyone before. She used to display her beast proudly, a mark of pride that said ‘don’t fuck with us.’ Didn’t have to hide her beast in prison, either. Everyone had one of their own; it was why they’d all ended up there in the first place. More than a few learned how to deal with it in therapy. Jamie tamed hers in the jungle of a garden.

Not a single part of her looked in the rear view mirror as they drove away. Would never have stopped the truck if it could’ve kept Dani safe. So she did what little she could do. All the fear, the terror that already threatened to split Dani further in two, the new shell of a person Dani had to live with, Jamie took it from her. Buried it deep within herself, felt it so that Dani wouldn’t have to. Drew out the poison from Dani’s soil and into her own roots.

And then, in her most private moments - few and far between, really, for there was nothing unshared between them - Jamie let out the venom, the resentment, the fury, that she collected. Outrage that the world dared spin, indifferent to the unfairness of it all.

She just wanted to fucking break something. Couldn’t get her hands on the Lady, couldn’t pull her out of Dani, so she had to find the next best thing.

Viola was quiet in her rage. Jamie wasn’t with hers. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. She was, for a while, at least.

That first year was full of small moments: the way Dani’s shoulders would never fully relax, tension rarely leaving her body, even in sleep. How she kept looking over her shoulder at rest stops and gas stations, as if the Lady were a drifter, following them on the highways, across states, through the unfolding ribbon of their adventure. Jamie found she could cover up those incidents with the smug satisfaction of having bested the unavoidable for another day. Another week. Another month.

Her demon was dormant for a good long while, in the solace of Dani’s love. Dormant like Viola’s fucking ghost, it turned out. Things were so good for so long, it almost seemed to purr, content in it’s hibernation.

Jamie’s beast woke with a sudden and curious start, after that night in the kitchen after Paris. Started to sniff, hungry for any little scrap. Found too many for comfort - the way Dani started to wake up earlier, as if perhaps she hadn’t slept at all; how it would take her just a moment longer to turn off the water; the times Jamie had to repeat Dani’s name until she jerked, as if suddenly finding herself transported somewhere new - it began pacing in its cage, hungry now, banging on the bars.

Jamie was quiet with her rage for a while, until she was shaking with it. Until it threatened to explode out of her skin like a bomb and she wouldn’t ever - ever - let Dani come close to the shrapnel. Instead she was the steady rock that Dani needed and imploded later, somewhere else, somewhere safe.

She could see how close to the edge Dani was, on some days. How it seemed even the barest breeze would blow her from herself entirely, leaving an empty, unblinking husk behind. It was all Jamie could do to steer her back from the cliff each time.

Jamie had to coax Dani back to the world, breathe life into her lips some mornings as she stared into the ceiling, eyes open and blank; her very own Sleeping Beauty. Each time it felt like a kiss goodbye. Stay with me. Please. Come back to me. A miracle, when she did, even if Dani slipped further and further away each time like a boat on the horizon. Jamie would stroke her face with trembling hands, afraid even the gentlest touch would cause the delicate thing to disintegrate beneath the pads of her fingers.

Dani always came first. Even as Jamie’s own creature grew stronger and louder, she held it in. Found controlled environments to let it run wild.

There was something oddly comforting about the alleyway. There’s a familiar landscape all back alleys share - brick, concrete, dumpster, a car or two, usually a fair amount of scattered garbage, and the near ubiquitous empty, overturned storage crates used by the weary for smoke breaks or breakdowns of all shapes and sizes - an alley was an alley was an alley.

The only thing that marked it as theirs was a few hanging ferns on the corner of the doorway. Something to signal the threshold, announce the life bursting and growing just inside. Something growing in the barren landscape of a back alley. Something to remind a younger Jamie of what could lie on the other side, if she stood long enough to reach up for it.

So she destroyed things in the alleyway. When the cruelty of the matter absolutely broke her - when Jamie had to sew the fraying pieces of Dani back together because Viola was slowly pulling the seams of her apart; when she desperately scooped handfuls of Dani even as she was slipping through her fingers like sand - Jamie would break something else.

Jamie took her rage, and smashed it against the brick or asphalt in a shower of pottery in the alleyway. Pots, planters, saucers, she grabbed damaged items from the shop and broke them even further, until her chest heaved and panted from the effort of it in the shards under her feet. When the alley wasn’t a possibility and her screams of frustration and the clatter of smashing ceramic would would threaten to draw Dani out from the thinning fragility of their life together, Jamie would punch bags of soil in the storage room until the they burst, earth pouring to the floor, and leaving her standing in a shallow grave of her own making.

Nothing to hide, once Dani is gone.

Easier to get lost in the anger, and Jamie let it consume her like an uncontrolled blaze until nothing but ash remained. Fitting, she thought, for the daughter of a coal miner. It came to claim her, pulling her into itself, not to grow, not to nourish, but to press her into something that burned. And oh, she burned.

It would scare her, she thought, that she hadn’t changed. In all this time, in all these years, underneath the layers of soil and earth, below the roots, the same creature lurked in the dirt of Jamie’s own jungle. A monster that threatened to take her too. That she wished would. A demon of wrath and anger. Of pain and suffering and the shit end of the stick every time.

Despite the years, despite the love and relative calm that settled over her life - since gardening, since Dani - she was still the same enraged, lost, thing. Every living thing comes from every dying thing and it’s natural and she knows that but what she didn’t understand is how to keep living when the core of you is already dead; how was it possible for these two things to co-exist at once. The impossibility of the thing. The decaying mortality. This unholy living. Feels unnatural.

Jamie couldn’t breathe. She couldn't, she couldn’t-

And there, there it was. Specks of dried toothpaste on the mirror. It shouldn’t have been the thing to undo her. After all, it could’ve been hers or Dani’s. But it could have been. Dani’s. Such a casual, mundane thing - a flick of the wrist, rinsing off the toothbrush, spitting into the drain - leaving behind a stain. A mark. Something to be thoughtlessly wiped off and cleaned later, leaving no sign it had once been there. No indication someone had been there at all. No impression of a life built together, their hips casually leaning against one another while flossing, or the yelp of surprise at the shock of cold water after flushing the toilet while the other is in the shower. The apology that came after, sliding through the shower curtain to make it up to them, a tongue sliding into the folds of their ear, hands slipping down to the folds of thighs, into slicks of wet and warm. The absolute mess on the floor afterwards of errant water sloshing out the tub.

The tub.

The floor.

The water that had taken them both. The water that refused to take Jamie.

Not the water, she corrected. Dani. Dani, who refused to take Jamie along on one last adventure. Do you want company? She had asked, all those years ago. Can I walk by your side? Will you take me with you?

And there it was - her beast - clawing up her spine, smashing with a roar into the mocking mirror pane. Again she roared, again she cried, until a dozen fractured shards were all that was left of the toothpaste, left of Jamie’s broken heart, all that was left of Dani. Again and again she struck the mirror until the pain from her bleeding knuckles pulled her out of it and she sank, depleted, sobbing on the floor.

So she drank.

And got into more than a few fights while she was at it. Needed a better opponent than flower pots and dirt, though - she’d already destroyed a decent part of the shop. She needed something to twist her fists into, something that would punch back, something that would make her hurt.

When she drove home, she’d try to ignore the voice in her head that sounded so much like Dani (“You could kill somebody, Jamie. Jesus!”) she almost veered off the road looking at the passenger’s side.

Left the fucking mirror in the bathroom where it was, a broken and half empty self-portrait. Tossed the glass in the bin and swept it away where the edges of a life that no longer existed wouldn’t cut her. Pleased there was nothing to look at getting ready in the mornings, nothing to catch her eye stepping out of the shower, nothing to reflect. Nothing to look at. Nothing at all.

And so it stayed as the weeks wore on. The medicine cabinet pulled open for badly needed aspirin after a particularly rough night or tougher morning, band-aids for the cuts on her knuckles, no mirror on the outside to mock the bruises on her cheek or the split eyebrow from what might have been a night of bad choices but were the only ones that seem to make sense anymore.

The only thing that helped ease the ever-throbbing, dull ache from every corner of her heart was to press the hurt. A walking bruise, Jamie desperately sought solace to cauterize the bleeding wound of loss.

The less Jamie had to look herself in the eye for it, the better.

Which left her here: waking up on the bathroom floor, slouched over the toilet, curls of hair plastered on her cheek from a substance she can only assume to be last night’s dried vomit.

Left here, on the bathroom floor, as empty and hollow as Dani had been in what turned out to be her final few days.

Left here, left behind.

If Jamie squints, she can almost see the glimmer of Dani, twinkling like fairy lights on the tile.

But the longer Jamie sits there, legs growing numb from her cramped position, the sparkle doesn’t go away. Matter of fact, it starts to get annoying. She swats at it, trying to suffer her grief and hangover in peace.

She pulls her hand back with a hiss. The light has an edge to it. It bites.

A piece of the shattered mirror. Must’ve been there for weeks now, having fallen behind the toilet, forgotten. Jamie holds it carefully, staring at the broken reflection of her face for a long time. Stares until it stares back. Until the beast, she realizes finally, the one who has stalked her her whole life, has quietly slinked away. She listens for it - the telltale heat of it simmering just under her skin. But she doesn’t feel anything.

The unfairness of it all remains. But there’s something else in the emptiness, she realizes.

Dani.

There’s a chance - far fucking fetched, she knows - but a chance that maybe, just maybe, the emptiness will stare back. And it will look like someone she loved. Loves, she corrects. Loving Dani will always be in the present. Jamie, crumpled on the floor, bleeding from an aching heart, will always be surrounded by the ghost of Dani. Haunted by a life built and shared and grown. A life taken. Cut short. A leafling, snipped from the vine at the most beautiful stage of maturation. Haunted, sure. But not alone. Something to be said for the chance that Dani will appear.

Jamie will be haunted by Dani for the rest of her days regardless, she knows, phantom or no. Might as well wait, Jamie thinks wryly, got a lot to tell her off for.

She spent more than a few years living with ghosts, anyway. Only difference is, this time she’ll be aware of it. Besides, no one else she’d rather be haunted by. It was Dani forever. Said as much herself that day in the shop. I’ve got a problem, Poppins. Dani would always be it for her. And some problems can’t be fixed. Can only sit and learn to live with them like old friends.

So Jamie scrapes herself off the floor. She shuffles to the kitchen to grab the broom and sweeps the broken pieces of the last few broken months into the bin, cautious of the edges this time.

She gets dressed. Puts away the bottles. Collects the half-eaten take out containers and napkins that litter the apartment. Takes out the trash. Waters the plants. Prunes the dead leaves. Repots herself and let her roots overcome the shock of replanting, remembering the work of living.

Drives to the hardware store and buys a replacement panel for the bathroom. Mounts it in the frame, reverently touching the mirror’s edges. Because if there’s a chance, even a single chance - weeks, months, years from now - that Jamie’s personal ghost will come back to haunt her, she doesn’t want to miss a second of it. Doesn’t want to risk being too drunk, face down in a toilet somewhere, too angry to remember seeing Dani’s face. Doesn’t want Dani seeing that.

Doesn’t want it all to be for nothing, hiding her secret beast for all those years. Having worked so hard to make sure Dani never saw that part of her, the one who went wild and feral, hissing and clawing at the world and it’s indifference. Never wanted to let her beast get close to Dani, close enough to scratch. Not Dani, who struggled so hard to keep tame her own demons.

She’d be a rather shit wife if she started now. Just because Dani was gone doesn’t mean Dani wouldn’t see.

Doesn’t mean it’s easy though, either. It’s hard. Hardest fucking thing she’s ever done, since pulling herself out of that lake when all she had wanted to do was drown in it. That wasn’t difficult, that was instinct. This will be a choice. Every day, for the rest of her life, will be a choice. One she has to make again and again.

Jamie longingly traces the pair of earrings lazily forgotten, left out on top of the dresser, in a bygone act of normalcy to be left now in memoriam, and pulls out one of Dani’s favorite shirts from the drawer, that awful slinky pink one that snagged on every last thorn and branch in the shop. Pretty in love with you, it turns out. Inhaled. Breathed in every last atom of Dani until her lungs were trembling with her. She slid the shirt on like armor and prayed the delicate fabric would be strong enough to help withstand the weight of the world ahead.

She took a few steps to the bathroom, turned on the faucet, and did battle with the first night of the rest of her life. Let the sink fill, stared at the water, and took a deep breath.

It took years for Dani to see the Lady. They were grateful for it then - relieved, actually, that they managed to get so much time. But now, all Jamie wants is for the haunting to come quickly. Do you want company?

For a long time, all Jamie Taylor wanted to do was forget. Forget Lancashire, forget the taunts, the sound of banging, of Louise’s girlish flirting, Mikey’s crying. Forget the whirl of sirens, the creak of a door opening in the dead of night, a weight dipping on the bed next to her. Forget London, forget prison, forget her, forget all of it. Forget Bly, forget the Lady, forget Viola was ever a dark spot to stain the bright garden of their life. She drank thirstily, fought desperately, all to forget the pain, forget that Dani was gone, was never coming back, and that she doesn’t remember how to be Jamie without Dani by her side.

Except now, she realized, on the off-chance Dani’s face would stare back in the mirror or from beneath the water, she wanted to see every last line, every curve of her face. If that meant suffering the empty, aching, endless days to do so, then so be it.

It’s you. It’s me. It’s us, she’d screamed to the Lady, to the hatred inside both of them, the fury that stormed stronger than death.

But after the flames expunge and the coals cool, Jamie remembers now, there’s more than just rage in the quiet parts. There’s patience. Love. Kindness. That things grow with just a little bit of water. A little, instead of all at once.

Water can give life, not just take it away.

It was easy to forget that small truth when the waves crashed and swept her below, unable to gain footing before another came crashing down and pulled her under. She did it once, on her own, in her youth and loneliness. She can learn how to do it again; to exist in stillness and quiet without Dani. A little, instead of all at once.

She lets loving Dani warm instead of burn. Like a comforting hearth beckoning the weary home.

She ran her fingers along the cool porcelain of the sink, reverently, as if it were Dani’s skin she was touching; Dani’s face she was caressing; Dani, she was loving.

Jamie takes a deep, shuddering breath, and looks up. Squares her shoulders, baring all of herself to the mirror, forces herself to look.

She’ll wait forever if she has to.

But first, just one night.

Beautiful things worth loving and tending to can bloom at night; under the blanket of darkness, there’s still life. And if she keeps pouring all her love and effort into it, maybe one day it’ll all make sense. She can see where it goes.

#damie #thobm #The Haunting of Bly Manor #dani x jamie #dani clayton x jamie taylor #my fanfic #april's the best everyone go thank her for hammering this into sense

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rimaiahwrites · 4 years ago

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HOUSE PARTY —

Chapter two

It was the next day and Israel was rethinking the party. She has never done anything like this, she was afraid her mother would catch her or worse her father. They would literally kill her if they found out that she went behind their backs to go out to a party. She didn't even want to think of what they might do to her if they found out. So to get her mind off of it until it was time for her to go, she sat at her desk drawing.

"Israel!" She jumped and her hand jerked, making a long scratch across her new sketch. She huffed and stood up from her desk chair. She rolled her eyes as her mother continue to yell her name from the living room.

"Yes ma'ma?" She said smiling, trying to hide her attitude.

"Dinner is ready, everyone is already at the table but you." She sighed and walked down the stairs in a slow paced. As she walked into the dining room her fathers eyes were on her immediately. She walked awkwardly to her chair before sitting down, looking around the room like she didn't feel his intense stare. She Nervously drank from her glass of water, Tense and uncomfortable in his presence. She Felt like he already knew what she was planning on doing and he was wanting for the right time to yell at her.

"Why are you acting so... strange?" Her father wondered out loud to her. Her eyes flickered over to her father while putting on her best surprised and amused face she could muster. "What are you talking about dad? I'm fine." She giggled. HES ON TO ME she screamed in her head. Now all the thoughts of what could happen if she did go to the party were fresh in her mind. Ether she would mostly be yelled at or...beaten with a belt by her father which honestly she didn't want ether. Especially getting yelled at. She was very sensitive and cried every time her father would say something to harshly to her, she couldn't help it. She would always put up a fight at the beginning but would always end up in tears. And Yes, of course Being beat with a extension cord or a thin twig from your back yard hurt more physically, but getting a verbal beaten and getting your feelings hurt by your mom or dad was even worse because it stayed in your mind all day. It didn't just sting for a couple of minutes.

"Israel," she snapped out of her daydream as her brothers foot came in contact with her exposed leg. She turned towards her brother jay. "What?" She mumbled tilting her head to the side. "Pass me the mush potatoes, I have been calling you for a good 30 seconds you sure good?" She rolled her eyes and passed him the potatoes.

"I'm fine! I just came on my period and I'm in pain so I'm sorry if I'm not acting 'normal' can you guys please just leave me alone." She lied straight there her teeth. Her parents eyebrows raised, her father looked uncomfortable with her outburst and her mother just looks shocked. "Mm baby you sure you don't wanna just skip dinner again tonight? Maybe you could just eat up stairs yeah?" Isabel chuckled before standing up to grab her 'in pain' daughter a plastic to-go-box from under the cabinets. Don't ask why her mother keep plastic to go boxes in her cabinets. Nobody's exactly knows why.

"No mom it's ok I had already eat before dinner because I was really craving some McDonald's, I'm fine really. I think imma take some Ibuprofen pm and just go to sleep." She hurried up the stairs before making it to her room shutting and locking the door. Her phone rang and she answered it with looking at the caller id because she already knew who it was. The only person that calls her beside her mother or siblings.

"Jasmine I don't know about this my dad seems like he's catching on-" Jasmine sighed loudly and dramatically over the phone. She sounded like she was already in the car making her way over.

"Bitch i ain't finna do this with you, you're going period, now get to climbing down that tree before I climb up it and snatch yo' ass down here." Israel snorted and rolled her eyes for the tenth time tonight. "You want me to climb out of my WINDOW and down a TREE?! Are you crazy?"

"Well how what you gonna do? Walked out the front door while your family down there eating? Are you crazy?" She sighed knowing jasmine was right. So she got her ass up and put on back sweatshirt and sweatpants then her running shoes. She huffed out a breath nervously while she put her thick blanket underneath her comforted to make it look like she was sleeping. like they did in the movies. She turned off her light and stood by her door to see if it would like her sleeping if her parents were to come in her room.

"wow that really look like me." She chuckled to herself before turning around to lock her door. Her phone rang again and it was jasmine, again. "What Jazz I'm coming down now calm down" she laughed at her, hanging up in her face.

____

Israel was half way out her window when she saw jasmine pull laughing and recording her as she struggled to get down. "You need some help?" Jasmine asked sarcastically still recoding her. Israel flicked her off only to make jasmine laugh harder. She finally made it down with a hard thud, her knees gave in and she fell flat on her face. "Would stttarrrrrrrr!" Her annoying older cousin yelled as she limped to the car rubbing her knees with a pout on her face. "Hey hoe," Jasmine smirked pulling out from the side of her auntie house.

"I almost broke my neck for you so this party better be wroth it or I'm breaking your neck." Jasmine rolled her eyes while turning up the music. And nicki Minaj's itty bitty piggy came blast through the speakers. The music was almost foreign to Israel because she had never listened to music as such but she likely it.

Jasmine parked in front of her apartment building and hopped out with Israel following her.

"Ok what about this one?" Israel shook her head at the tiny bright pink dress jasmine held up, it was too tight to short and to bright for her liking. this was the fifth dress that she said she didn't like and jasmine was feed up with her and was close to saying fuck it we're not going, Until jasmine thought about the dress she bought from fashion nova that was to small for her but she was to lazy to return it so she just kept it. It sat in the back of her closet still in the plastic wrapping.

"If you don't like this one you're going back home." Jasmine said playfully, while digging in the back of her closet, in search for the dress. She pulled it out and Israel was already in love with it. It was a black bodycon dress with long sheer sleeves. "This is the last party party dress I got so you better like it." Israel snatched the dress and walked to the bathroom smiling already knowing she's going to look cute. She throw her sweatsuit off and put the tight black dress on looking at herself in the mirror.

"Ok how do I look? Is this cute on me?" Jasmine gasped and jumped up from the bed surprise at how good she looked.

"Omg bitch yes! Now it's time for hair and make, come on." Jasmine pulled her to the bathroom and got to work on her younger cousin. When she finally finished her hair and make up Israel felt so confident and Grow up for the first time in her life. "I look so...different I kinda like it." Her makeup and hair was natural. Her hair was in its natural fluffy state and the only make up she had on was clear lipgloss and gold sparkly glitter in the Corner of her eyes and a bit of highlighter on the tip of her button nose.

"You do! now come on the party started a half a hour ago." Jasmine dragged the poor girl by her hand out of the bedroom, then the front door, down the stairs then to her car. Throwing her in the passenger seat. "Can you not throw me around like a rag doll?" Sighed rubbing her already sore feet. It was her first time wearing heels and she just didn't know how the hell Women could wear them all day, it just seemed like unnecessary pain.

"You need to get better at walking in heels because you look like a dog walking in shoes or like a nigga walking in heels...do better." Israel smacked her lips, being feed up with jasmines bullshit and her rude comments. This was her first time walking in heels and the fact that jasmine was literally dragging her across the apartment parking lot didn't help. "Whatever let's go I'm ready to see what the whole party hype is about with all these young adults and teens." She chuckled. Buckling her seat belt.

"Trust you'll see." Jasmine beamed turning her music up on full blast and dancing, whining and popping her ass in her seat. Trying to get Israel to copy her movements, and to her surprise Israel did it with no problem. Jasmine was surprised how natural it came to her, she even surprised herself but she felt free in a way. She felt like a real teen that had no worries of her parents catching dance or rap this dirty song like she was. she didn't want this feeling to go away, this freeing happiness feeling to go away. She didn't know what was going to happen next but she was excited for it, she didn't care as long as she didn't have to go back home just yet.

As they pulled up to the house party her anxiety slowly started to kick in, she was still excited but was also slightly having a small anxiety attack. The feeling have her a high. Jasmine parked along the street and hopped out of the car while pulling Israel along with her. The house was in a really nice neighborhood that looked like only rich white people lived but nonetheless mostly everyone that was walking in and out of the house were black, girls and men ether looking like they're having the time of their lives or leaning against a wall or a car looking like they're pissed off and ready to fight someone. The music blasted all the way outside and Israel was sure that someone was going to get a noise contempt.

"Welcome to the partying life bitch!" Jasmine yelled over the music while still pulling Israel into the house. And instantly felt eyes on her, she uncomfortable and regretting wearing the dress... I probably look like a whore. She thought tugging her dress down some. Her skin got hot and her hands were shaking a bit but the way the music bounced off her body made her want to act up and that is what jasmine goal was for tonight. Show her little cousin what it feels like to have a little freedom: be the bigger sister she's never had.

"Aye C'mere ma!" Someone called over to jasmine. He was dark skin and he was tall, his hair was faded and his neck was accessorized with a thin Silver chain. He eyed them both with hungry lungful eyes, licking his lips as the two girls swayed their hips over to the man whose was Leaning against the staircase railing with a red solo cup in hand. "What you want nigga?" Jasmine asked bluntly as Israel stood beside her confused on who this man was and why he was staring at her like he wanted to swallow her whole. "I just was wondering why you haven't introduced me to yo fine ass friend over there...mm mm mm" Jasmine rolled her eyes and put her arm around Israel's shoulders in a protective way. "Because Dwayne she-" he cut her off with the wave of his hand focusing his eyes back to Israel.

"What's yo' name lil mama? You most not be from around here cause I think I would remember seeing your fine ass around here." He said showing off his to bright white smile, pulling Israel to his chest by her hand, Israel's shifted uncomfortably under his stare and didn't know what exactly to say to him. So she looked to jasmine pleading her with her eyes to save her from this situation. Jasmine got the hint and pulled Israel back to her side. "First she's my little cousin, second don't even think you'll get a chance with her Dwayne cause she off limits. period." He only chuckled at her angry out burst, but nodded his head nonetheless. "Aight aight aight fine what about yo friend Brittany? She fine as hell to I wouldn't mind-" jasmine chuckled sarcastically. The fact that still getting at every girl he saw was ridiculous. he was to grown for this shit. Jasmine thought mentally rolled her eyes, walking away paying him no mind as he called her name. "Who was that?" Israel asked as she looked back to the man that was still staring at her ass."Just some fuck nigga you need to avoid, he ain't nothing but a heartache and a headache." Jasmine rolled her "Ok anyway time for drinks!" Jasmine clapped her hands excitedly. Israel giggled nervously sitting next to her at the at home bar. Being Rich is definitely IT. Israel thought as her looked around the very large house In Curiosity. She sat whining in her seat to Maria I'm drunk by travis Scott, innocently and Unbothered not even realizing that most of the men at the party were staring holes into her.

"Ok I don't know what it's called but it looks good and sweet so here you're very first drink." Jasmine beamed brightly, Hand gesturing her to drink up. Israel picked up the Orange, green and yellow drink and Brought the thin straw up to her lips. She hummed happily as the drink danced on her taste buds. The drink tasted just as she thought it would, sweet and sour like a Sour patch kid.

"This shit is so good oh my gosh! it tasted like a sour patch kid." Israel gushed over the sweet drink. It was almost had a addictive taste...so addictive She took the rest of it to the head. "Can I get a another one?" Israel asked the bartender bating her eyelashes almost wanting to shy away from the way he was looking at her. She wasn't used to this much male attention. But nonetheless he slide the colorful drink towards her with a sly smirk.

Three more drinks and two shot later Israel was drunk off her ass dancing in the large crowd of people. The shy little girl was lifted at the bar and the wild Israel was in full effect. She popped whined and shook her ass onto a boy she didn't even know the name of, she didn't care though because she was having fun and jasmine was having a blast recording her and putting her on to her Snapchat. But The boy was soon pushed off of her when he tried to slip his hand under her dress. He just had to ruin it Israel thought. "what it wrong with you?" Israel yell. her Slurred over the loud music pushing him back again when he tried to grab back onto her hips. Israel shook him off was right back at the bar Ordering the same colorful sweet drink she has had five times already. She didn't know what any of the drinks on the menu and she was afraid to Explore. So she stuck to her familiar fruity drink.

The bartender slide it her way and the moment the cold wet glass hit her fingertips she had the sweet sour drink gliding down her throat. She smile softly as she moved her body slowly to the beat of quickie by Miguel. Whatever was in that drink had her feeling some type of way and with the way Miguel's smooth voice blessed her ears, she was ready to risk it all tonight. She moved even more sexually as she felt a par of eyes on her body, she didn't look right away because she wanted who ever it was to come to her.

The dark man with the all black on watch from the corner of the room, her body swayed itself to the beat of the song as she took a another sip of her drink as she did so a tiny droplet slide down her mouth to her neck then her breasts and the man wanted nothing more then to lick it off of her.

He growled lowly as he slowly appeared the young girl from behind. She didn't notice because she was to busy with her drink.

She did a happy dance as she gulp the last bit and He chuckled lowly into her ear finding it cute that she was that happy about some cheap sugary drink.

Israel swung her body around so fast she stumbled on her own feet and into the arms of Erik stevens.

He held her tightly before sitting her back onto chair. "Damn ma don't you think you have had maybe one to many of those sugary nasty ass drinks?" He asked with raised eyebrows, she looked at him through her long thick eyelashes, not knowing how to answer his questions. She had already taken notice to the fact that she had to many of those nasty ass drinks. but It was like he had her in a trance, she could see his lips moving but she couldn't hear the words that lifted his mouth.

he was gorgeous she thought as she took him all in.

He had tiny baby dreads that she knew would soon grow to be long thick ones that were so cute on him, lips that were thick and plump. lets not forget the fact that he was about 6ft1 and very muscular. He damn near looked like he could break Israel in half if he really wanted to. "Yeah I know but...they're good" she peeped nervously. It was like he triggered her shyness, because it hit her like a truck. She had sobbed up a bit and her mind was running a mile a minute of what she could do to get herself out of this section. "You don't wanna try something new? I'm sure I can find something better then that." He smile placing both of his hands on each side of her so she was trapped between him and the bar.

"Ok..." she nodded while biting her lip. Jasmine watch from afar smirking with a drink in her hand. I see you sis. She thought before turning back to the dark Man with the Prince Charming white smile that had caught her attention not to long ago.

Erik whispered something to the bartender and he nodded, getting started on the drink right away. "So Mm what's your name? I'm Israel." She asked trying to create small talk while fiddling with her long coffin shaped nails. "Erik. And that's a very Beautiful and powerful name, it fits you well." She tried to hide her smile but it was only a matter of time before her smile covered her whole face. "Thank you my parents have a thing for naming all of their kids after people or things from the Bible" she mumbled bashfully.

The man handed Erik the drink and Israel's drink. Erik Brought the drink up to her lips for her to tasting but she was hesitant, her eyebrows raised with curiosity before asking him "what is it?" he Chuckled before rolling his eyes "I can tell from the Time you walked in here and sat at this bar that you didn't know a single thing on that menu, so if I told you what it was wouldn't know anyway." He said putting the drink back up to her lips.

He was right. She thought. "You were watching me from the time I walked in here?" She asked complete ignoring him and only acknowledging the fact that he said he was watching her. He ignored her and put his hand onto Her jaw making her part her lips just enough So that he can pour the dark liquor into her mouth. "swallow it" he spoke directly in her ear. She squirmed in her seat suddenly feeling hot. He Watched her intensely. her head thrown back eyes closed, and mouth full with the dark drink Drizzling down her neck. She moaned at taste and the tight grip he had on her jaw. "You like it?" She opened her eyes looking at him with low hazy eyes. She nodded smiling at him. "I do like it, what is it?" She asked again. He smirked and placed his hands on her hips before sliding them to her ass. She froze very surprised that the stranger was so comfortable Touching her in such an Intimate way. Her breathing quicken and her hands shook as he gripped her while chuckling at her expression.

"Hennessey and pineapple juice." He spoke lowly still staring intensely into her eyes. "Let's dance." He commanded before pulling her towards the dance floor. They moved swiftly throughout the Drunken sweaty people that Dry humped and sucked each other's faces off As Or nah by the Weeknd played in the background. Erik stood behind Israel and wrapped his arms around her tiny waist, pulling her ass onto his Hard clothed dick, making a tingle burst in between her legs catching her off guard. He nuzzle his head into her neck her and her body felt like it was on fire.

Erik's hands moved slowly around her body and his lips rubbed Faintly against her sweet spot. Her mouth had a mind of it own and let out a loud moan without her allowing it. She was embarrassed and Ashamed that she was actually doing this in front of so many people but it was like Erik had control over her body and mind. "You ight' ma?" He asked amused feeling her squeeze her legs against his hands as he ran them in the inter part of her leg. "Y-Yeah I'm just a little hot-" He smirked still rubbing around her body. "you hot and bothered, what you thinking about? Huh?" She stayed quite only Whining in reply. "You good?" He asked again pulling her head from his chest, holding her face in his hands. "Yeah I'm good," he licked his lips slowly while eyeing her. "Let's step outside real quick." He demanded pulling her to the patio doors

#erik stevens fanfiction #erik stevens fic #erik x oc #erik killmonger #killmonger x reader #killmonger x oc #killmonger fanfiction #black panther killmonger #killmonger fic #killmonger #michaelbjordan fanfic #michael b jordan #mbj

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atc74 · 5 years ago

Text

Heartbeat - Chapter Four

Warnings: Loss, TW: major character death, Dean’s guilt, Dean’s grieving and being a bit of a dick (understandable), sweet Sammy (Each chapter will have additional warnings).

Summary: Sam, Dean, and Y/N are sheltering in place at the Bunker, researching this new virus that has created a world pandemic. But what happens when one of your own is immune compromised?

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 1166

Beta’d by: @amanda-teaches because she’s the best

A/N: I’M BAAAAACCKKKK, well, mostly :) I know I’m not the only one struggling with life right now, and writing has been hard. Thank you all for sticking it out until I was able to get something together for you guys. This is only temporary and will pass. Keep your chin up and try on your jeans every few days.

BOLD indicates a dream

Heartbeat Masterlist

Like Dean’s scent? Buy it here from @scentsfromthebunker!

Previously…

Dean pulled over a chair and sat down, his eyes never leaving Y/N’s wrapped body. “Honey, I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you. I’ve never been much for praying, but I prayed for you, for us. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Y/N. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you, ya know. You saved me more times than you’ll ever know.

“Even when we were kids, you saved me from myself. From going head to head with my dad, with Bobby, hell even with you. The only person I know more stubborn than me is you. You always said it was part of your charm and you were right, Y/N. I know what you’re gonna say, so I’ll beat you to it. I know you’d want me to salt and burn your body. I know you’d want me to move on with my life, keep going, all that crap. But I don’t want to do it without you, honey. So, uh, just don’t push me, okay. I’ll get to it, but I’m gonna need some time. And, I promise, I’ll salt and burn your body myself. I’ll build your pyre, but not until your dad and Jody, and the others can be here. You deserve our family to be here, so they can say goodbye. I’m sorry you had to go through that alone, Honey. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me the most. I’m sorry I let you down.”

Dean’s sobs echoed through the room and bounced off the cold stone walls, making their way to Sam in the library, where he sat, with a bottle and his own tears.

Now…

“Dean?” Sam knocked softly on his brother’s door. He was worried for obvious reasons. Dean had shut himself in their bedroom, coming out only for booze for the last three days. Sam turned the knob and opened the door softly. His brother was curled in the fetal position, clutching Y/N’s pillow to his chest. “Dean, I brought you some food. You need to eat something.”

“Get out, Sam.”

“No, I won’t. You’ve been taking care of me my entire life. It’s my turn to take care of you now,” Sam stated, walking into the room. He sat on the edge of the bed, putting the sandwich down on the side table. “I know how you’re feeling, man.”

“No, Sam, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do, Dean. I know how much it hurts. I know how it feels like you lost a part of your soul,” Sam replied softly. “I know how much it still hurts.”

“Don’t you fucking dare tell me you know how it feels to lose the love of your life! You don’t know, Sam!”

“Oh, I don’t, huh? How could you forget, Dean? Do you remember picking me up at school to look for dad and when I came back my girlfriend burned to death on the ceiling of our apartment? She was killed by a demon. The same demon that killed our mother! So don’t you fucking dare tell me I don’t know!”

Sam nearly lost it, hearing Dean break down, once again. He knew his brother needed him to be strong for both of them right now, just like Dean had done for him when he lost Jess.

“What am I going to do without her?” Dean sobbed.

“I don’t know. But, I’m here to help you. We’ll get through it together.”

~*~

It had been three weeks since Y/N’s death. There wasn’t a single minute that passed when Dean didn’t think about her. He spent hours scrolling through photos on both of their phones, he dreamt of her, when he wasn’t plagued by nightmares.

Sam kept a watchful eye on him, making sure he ate, drank water, and showered. He pushed Dean to workout with him, to at least spar, knowing it would help Dean channel some of his grief and anger.

“We need a case man,” Dean said one afternoon after a heavy workout. “No matter the fucked up powers that be that unleashed this virus, the rest of the supernatural world still exists and people still need saving.”

“I’ll see what I can find, but are you sure?” Sam eyed his brother warily.

Dean shrugged his shoulders. “I know I can’t stay cooped up here, man. I don’t want to, but I know she’d want me to go on. ‘Sides, kicking your ass feels good.”

“Ha, you wish! But, yeah, she would. Come on, showers, then let’s go find a case.”

~*~

“Look, I’m gonna turn in, see if I can’t get some sleep. You should do the same.” Sam got up from his chair, stretching his body.

“We’re not going to find a case in dreamland, Sammy.”

“Maybe not, but we’re no good to anyone running on empty,” Sam reminded him.

“Fine, we’ll hit it again first thing. Night, bitch.”

“Goodnight, jerk.” Sam watched Dean retreat to his bedroom, a smile on his lips, his heart a little lighter, catching a small glimpse of his brother returning to life. He knew it was going to be a long journey, and Dean would never be the same, but Sam was willing to do whatever it took to help him.

~*~

Dean was groggy as he took in his surroundings, like he had just woken up. The sky was the color of graphite, a storm brewing within the ominous clouds above. He stepped foot out of his baby and a crack of thunder startled him. But, it was what he heard beyond the boom of thunder that grabbed his attention.

“You don’t get your way, so this is how you think you’ll win?” Y/N’s voice roared louder than he had ever heard it.

“It’s my world, my creation, Y/N. I can do whatever I want,” Chuck stood a ways from her, his body language menacing in the midst of the coming storm.

Dean wasn’t sure if that storm was above him or in front of him. He had never seen his wife look more fierce in all the years he’d known her.

“Y/N, honey? What the hell is going on?”

“Dean, stay out of this. This is between Chuck and me,” she announced, not meeting her husband’s gaze. She widened her stance, ready to face her enemy.

“Yeah, Dean. You boys wouldn’t play, so I had no other choice but to take matters into my own hands. Look what you did. You and Sam are to blame for the chaos in the world right now. You are to blame for Y/N’s death,” Chuck smirked, knowing that his words hit Dean where it mattered.

“Fuck you, Chuck. You think this is all a game? This is our lives, and you’ve been playing us far too long. You think you can ruin the world, take out the weak with a little virus?” Y/N advanced on him.

“Worked, didn’t it? I added you to my growing collection of bodies, and what’s even better than that? I finally broke the mighty Dean Winchester!” Chuck laughed maniacally, believing he’d found the leverage he needed to destroy the elder Winchester.

“Well, you didn’t take into account that I’m stronger than Dean, always have been. What’s even better? I’m stronger now than I’ve ever been, thanks to him.” Y/N circled the deity, now keeping Dean in her line of sight.

“Why are you still here, Y/N? You’re like a gnat. How did you escape your reaper?” Chuck questioned, fury burning in his eyes.

“Because, I decided this one wouldn’t be reaped.” Billie appeared out of nowhere, holding her scythe as a weapon, not an accessory.

“And who let you play God?” Chuck demanded.

“You did, when you stopped being God and decided being a petulant toddler was your new game,” Y/N boomed, her voice carried on the wind. “But, what you failed to take into consideration, there, Chucky, is that I’m not a pawn in your game.” Y/N extended her right arm and, without warning, Billie’s scythe appeared as if she had summoned it, Death’s ring on her right hand.

Y/N took off at a run, swinging the scythe through the air and as fast as the lightning above, she brought the scythe down square in Chuck’s chest. Lightning cracked and thunder exploded around them. And, then there was silence.

Dean woke with a start, sweating and breathing heavily as the dream flashed in his head. He tossed the covers from his body and stumbled down the hall. “Sam!” He didn’t bother knocking, but burst through his brother’s door without warning. “Sammy, I know how to stop Chuck!”

Did you like it? The nicest thing you can do for a writer is reblog their work and tell them, and others, how much you like it!

The Whole Enchilada: @iwantthedean @dolphincliffs @mrswhozeewhatsis @meganwinchester1999 @cherrycokegirls1 @closetspngirl @roxyspearing @flamencodiva @blacktithe7 @sis-tafics @just-another-busyfangirl @evansrogerskitten @amanda-teaches @hannahindie @wotinspntarnation @winchesterprincessbride @winecatsandpizza @kickingitwithkirk @wi-deangirl77 @hobby27 @mogaruke @gh0stgurl @alleiradayne @idreamofplaid @seenashwrite @manawhaat @crashdevlin @thoughtslikeaminefield @emoryhemsworth

The Dean’s List: @jerkbitchidjitassbutt @dean-winchesters-bacon @maddiepants @adoptdontshoppets @supernatural-jackles @fandom-princess-forevermore @akshi8278 @thing-you-do-with-that-thing

Heartbeat: @idksupernatural @imaginationisgrowth @gabrielslittleangel

@samsgirl93

#dean winchester #dean x reader #dean winchester angst #tw: major character death #supernatural fanfiction

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calpalirwin · 5 years ago

Text

Somebody to You

Summary: Nothing like a roadtrip to a wedding to make Zyla feel extra sappy about her own husband.

A/N: Sort of in collab with @baldcalum @cxddlyash and @talkfastromance4. Thanks for letting me pester you with questions/bounce ideas off of you!

Content: All the soft.

Word count: 3k

And away, and away we go!

“My mother warned me about stranger danger, but she never warned me about what to do when the man with the van is your husband,” I joked as I carefully hung up the garment bags in the empty back.

“You could’ve flown with them,” Ashton told me as he started to load up everything we needed. “I drew the short straw, not you.”

I leaned against the van, admiring how his muscles flexed with his movements. God, the fact that this man was my husband still totally blew my mind nearly a year after the fact. “You didn’t draw the short straw. You offered. And we’re a team now, in case you forgot.”

“How could I ever forget the best day of my life?”

I laughed. A sassy retort was on my lips but my phone rang cutting me off. “Hey, Kai,” I answered, barely needing to glance at the caller ID to know who it was.

“Have you talked with everyone about their flight?” her panicked voice asked.

“Yes,” I spoke into the phone. “Their flight leaves later. They’ll get there probably at the same time Ashton and I do.”

“And are you leaving soon?” Kai asked and I could hear the clicking of my friend’s heels as she paced back and forth.

“Yes,” I assured her. “And take a breath. Relax. We’ll probably beat the GPS. You know Ash drives like a madman.”

“I do not,” Ashton piped up at the same time Kai groaned, “If he gets you both killed on the drive out here, I will bring you back from the dead to kill you both myself!”

“So, I get to die twice for something I didn’t do? That hardly seems fair…”

“You married him!”

“Damn right I did,” I smirked before I used my free hand to smack at my husband’s ass as he loaded the last bit of our things into the van for the trip.

“Hey!” Ashton yelped in surprise before turning towards me, his hazel eyes dancing, a seductive smirk beginning to grace his lips, and his dimple making its debut. “I’m supposed to do that to you.”

I snapped my teeth playfully at the man. “Alright, we’re about to hit the road. I’ll keep you updated on where we are, okay?” I told Kai, doing what I could to calm her overworking mind. “Are you sure you don’t want me to drive?” I asked Ashton.

“No!” both him and Kai answered way too quickly.

“Cuss out a guy one time and they never let you live it down,” I muttered, shaking my head.

“Just hurry,” Kai whined. “But not fast. Just regular speed, ASHTON!”

“Yes, Mrs. Hood!” Ashton answered, cupping his hands around his mouth to amplify his voice so the woman on the other end of the phone could hear him.

“He’s lucky he’s married to my best friend otherwise I would have killed him already…”

“Yeah, yeah,” I said with an eye roll. How such a low-strung woman as myself was best friend’s with a high-strung type like Kai was beyond me sometimes. I supposed it really was about balance. “Just take a few deep breaths. Set that future husband of yours to good use. And I’ll be there before you know it.”

“And Britt and Holly!” Kai added with a sense of urgency.

“Shit, did I remind Mikey to confirm the rooms?” I wondered out loud with a playful tone.

“Zy!”

I laughed, “Would you relax? I was teasing!” Then, I mouthed at Ashton in case I had actually forgotten for him to “Text Mikey about the rooms!”

“I hate you…”

“No you don’t,” I chirped.

“Kai, if you don’t let my wife off the phone, we’re going to be late!” Ashton said as he quickly typed on his phone.

“She can talk on the phone while you drive!”

“Not if you want us to live!”

I rolled my eyes more. “I’ll text you from the road. And you,” I said, turning my attention from my phone to Ashton. “Did you poop?”

“Did I po- Fuck. Be right back.”

“You seriously need to stop drinking an entire pot of coffee by yourself…”

“Well if someone drank it with me…”

“Just make less! It’s not that hard!”

“You leave me and my coffee addiction alone!”

“Go poop!”

~~~

“That’ll be five dollars,” the bartender told me.

“For a water?” I asked incredulously, pulling out my wallet anyway. “This is why I don’t go out…” I continued to grumble as I started to hand my card over. Whatever Kai had planned that required me to be in a dress and heels instead of on my couch in sweats and an oversized shirt had better be good. Where the hell was she anyway?

“Put it on my tab. I got it, sweetheart,” a deep and smooth voice from behind me said before a large hand was pulling mine away from paying.

“I can buy my own water, but thank you,” I answered, turning to eye the friendly stranger. And I immediately had to keep my jaw from dropping to the floor. His brown hair was perfectly slicked back except for this one stubborn piece that curled between a stunning set of honey gold eyes. A leather jacket hugged his strong shoulders and the buttons on his shirt were undone to a dangerously low level. I struggled to keep my eyes from traveling further down his body, turning my attention to the hand that was now extended to me in greeting. I shook it, noting the damage to his fingers. A drummer if I had to guess. Fuck. I loved drummers.

“Oh I’m not doubting that. But anyone who buys water at a club immediately has my respect. I’m Ashton by the way,” he was saying when I finally refocused.

“Zyla,” I introduced, giving him my award-winning smile.

“I believe this is yours, Zyla,” Ashton said, handing me the water bottle, and I had to hold back the school-girl like giggle bubbling up in my throat at the way my name sounded rolling off his lips and the way his fingers brushed against my hand.

~~~

“Whatcha thinking about?” Ashton’s voice asked, pulling me from my thoughts.

“Thinking about how we met actually,” I answered honestly, smiling softly at him.

“You looked hot that night,” Ashton recalled, taking one hand off the steering wheel to interlace his fingers with mine.

I laughed, my cheeks turning red. “I was not.”

Ashton scoffed as he raised his hand that was holding mine to brush his lips against my knuckles. “The hottest.”

“Hotter than our wedding day?” I asked, quirking an eyebrow at him.

“Yes.”

I scoffed and swatted his chest. “Wrong answer, Ash.”

“You didn’t let me finish!” he giggled. “You were fucking stunning on our wedding day.”

“Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner!”

“Any regrets?”

“With you? Never. You know why?” I asked.

“Why?” he asked.

“All I wanna be, yeah all I ever wanna be, yeah, yeah is somebody to you!” I sang along with the music blasting lightly through the speakers.

“Everybody’s tryin’ to be a billionaire! But every time I look at you I just don’t care!” he joined in.

“Cause all I wanna be, yeah all I ever wanna be, yeah, yeah is somebody to you!”

~~~

“So what’s your connection to the music industry?” Ashton asked, his attention fully on me.

“Oh, I’m this one’s photographer,” I answered, wrapping my arm around Kai’s shoulders. This was their conversation. Their collaboration meeting. What the fuck was Kai thinking inviting me out? Something in the way Ashton kept trying to get me involved in the conversation made me think I had my answer.

“Oh, she’s fuckin’ fantastic. Top of her game,” Kai bragged, and I knew I had my answer.

“I’m alright,” I shrugged. “It’s just about passion.”

“Oh, modest are we? Mind if I look at your work sometime? See who’s assessment is more correct?” Ashton inquired.

“That sounds suspiciously like you’re asking me on a date, sir,” I told him, leaning forward across the table. If he was baiting, I was biting. I’d be a damn fool not to. And Kai knew it, the fucking sneak she was. I made a mental note to both thank and throttle her for this later.

“And if I was?” he asked, leaning forward himself so our faces were inches apart.

~~~

“Yes, they got on the flight.”

“And Ash has the instruments?”

“Yes, we have everything.”

“You remembered his suit and your dress? And your heels? I swear if you wear flats… or gods forbid… sne-snea- Ugh! I can’t even say the word!”

I rolled my eyes at her antics. Since when was comfort a crime? “Yes, Kai. I remembered it all. Relax.”

“Wait! How are you going to take the pictures if you’re in them?! You’ve always taken my pictures! Oh my, God!”

“You know I have a team, right? Like I run a business. I have employees.”

“But they’re not you!”

“I don’t hire amateurs, Kai. And you will get final say before anything goes to print. Now, breathe!” I left out the part that of course I had brought my own camera equipment for the spur of the moment inspiration, because she knew I never traveled without my gear.

“How far have you guys gotten?”

“Halfway give or take.”

“It’s a 6 hour drive, and you left at 8 this morning. It’s almost 1!”

“Well, we can’t just drive for 6 hours straight. We gotta stop for food and pee breaks.”

“You mean coffee and poop breaks?”

“Same thing,” I laughed as Ashton walked out of the gas station with two bottles of water and a huge bag of Cheez-Its. I let out an excited gasp as I reached for the bag. “Yes! I love you!” I cheered.

“I love you too. Now hurry up!”

“I wasn’t talking to you, Kai. But yes. We’ll be there soon. If someone can stop pooping every fifty miles.”

“I wouldn’t have to drink so much coffee if someone helped me drink it. Or offered to drive…” Ashton teased.

“You wouldn’t let me drive,” I reminded him, opening the bag and swallowing a handful of cheesy cracker goodness.

“That's because you get mad road rage, miss.”

“That’s ma’am to you, sir,” I laughed. “I’m a married woman.”

“Are you ever gonna get tired of saying that?” he asked, a goofy grin on his face.

“Fuck no!” I laughed more, reaching up on tiptoe to peck his lips with mine. “Husband, husband, husband.”

“Wife, wife, wife,” he replied, kissing me after each word.

~~~

“You ever think about getting married?” Ashton asked.

“Like in general? Or to you?” I asked, my senses perking into high alert mode.

“Both?”

I shrugged. “Little scary isn’t it? I mean, every relationship runs the risk of those involved waking up one day and suddenly this isn’t what they want anymore. So to divorce in the midst of heartbreak… well… I guess it would depend on how I felt the person asking me to decide if that was a risk I was willing to take.”

“And if I asked?”

“I’d say call Andy and Ryan to make sure there’s photos and video of me saying yes.”

“Really?” he asked, his voice full of amazement and hope.

“Of all the things I want to be in life, yours is easily at the top of that list.”

~~~

“Fuck, this view is gorgeous,” I marveled as we leaned against the van.

“Yeah it is,” he smiled, his eyes on me.

Heat rushed to my cheeks. “I meant this view,” I said, gesturing out the window to the winter wonderland spread out before us. Kai may be over the top, but the girl had mad style, no question about it.

“I know what you meant,” he told me, wrapping his arm around me and kissing the side of my head. “And out of all the views I’ve seen and will go on to see, none of them matter if you’re not in them.”

~~~

“So, what’s the big secret?” Kai asked, once I had gathered all my girlfriends together.

I answered by sticking out my left hand, letting them decipher the news for themselves.

“Ohmigod!” Britt and Holly screeched in excitement. Britt grabbed my hand to get a closer look while Holly jumped in circles starting rattling off wedding ideas.

I looked at Kai who stared back with a blank expression. “Well?” I prompted.

“I thought you hated the idea of marriage,” was the response, void of any real emotion except genuine confusion. Of all our differences, that had been our one similarity- besides a love of pretzels and an aversion to drinking. While we weren’t necessarily anti-romance, marriage just wasn’t something that had been on our radars. And now for me to be engaged before Britt or Holly, well, it was definitely a shock to the system. I still couldn’t quite believe it myself. The weight on my finger was both surreal and not the least bit heavy.

“I do! I did… I… I dunno.”

“Does he make you happy?”

“Duh!”

“Do you make him happy?”

“I would hope so.”

“Does he love you?”

“Again, I certainly hope so.”

“Do you love him?”

“So fuckin much.”

“Am I maid of honor?”

“Please?”

“Congrats, Zy,” Kai smiled.

~~~

“Kai Theodora Zaher,” Calum spoke, pausing to clear away the thickness in his throat. “You were perfect from the first moment I met you. More than perfect. And while I would never ask you to change anything about you, one thing has always bothered me. Your last name not being mine. Thank you, not only for turning my world on its head, but allowing me to make you Kai Theodora Zaher Hood. I love you, wildflower.”

Kai’s hand gripped my fingers tightly as she held back the squeak and the rest of us choked down our tears. Funny how cynics usually had the softest hearts.

I looked over at Ashton who stood directly across from me besides Calum. If I was closer, the heels on my feet would bring me to the perfect height for me to tuck my head under his chin without me needing to strain up or him needing to slump down. He looked so good in his suit with his hair slicked back for the occasion. And I knew I looked like a bombshell in my own floor-length gown that hugged my small curves in the most perfect of ways. Kai had really outdone herself with this winter wonderland she had created. Every detail no matter how small was absolutely perfect. Ashton’s eyes met mine and his lips moved to mouth “I love you.”

“I love you too,” I mouthed back, before letting my mind take me back only earlier this year when it had been him and I in Calum and Kai’s places and them in ours.

~~~

“I promise to always buy you overpriced bottles of water.”

“I promise to chase the risk that is my life with you.”

“I promise to make that risk worth it.”

“I promise to always be your somebody.”

~~~

“This year has definitely been one for the books, hasn’t it, Kai? See, I dunno if you all know this, but it’s always been Kai and I. Kai and Zy. Zy and Kai. The opposites glued at the hips. Never one without the other,” I paused to squeeze my best friend’s shoulder before I went on with my speech. “All my years with her have been filled with their adventures. But this year? Well, this year started with a wedding. And it’s befitting it ends with one too. Because, you see, Kai and I, for getting married first,” I paused again to smirk over at Luke and Mike who squirmed in their seats under my gaze, “never really bought into the marriage idea. Romance, sure. But marriage was always too messy. And then! Oh, boy, and then these two came right out of left field and messed that right up.” I moved my hand that was squeezing Kai’s shoulder to rest on Calum’s. “Calum, my dear sweet friend, thank you for proving to my best friend what your best friend proved to me. Because while I may not believe in marriage, I believe in mine, and I believe in yours. Best years to you both. I love you.”

I kissed both of their cheeks before handing the microphone to Ashton as he held my chair out for me to take my seat. “Well,” Ashton spoke around the lump in his throat, taking a small moment to clear it. “You’d think that my days as a musician would have prepared me for the opening act completely outdoing the headliner…”

I stuck my tongue out at him and he grinned at me.

“If someone had asked me that the first wedding I give a best man speech at would be Calum’s, I probably would have laughed. That’s how wild this all is. Kai, thank you for flipping his world upside down. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him happier than when he’s with you. And we all know how much he loves his bass, so mad props to you, darling. Cal? Don’t fuck this up, mate.”

~~~

“Good morning, Mrs. Irwin!” Ashton said brightly, waking me up with the kisses he was covering my body with. “How do you feel, Mrs. Irwin?” he grinned when his lips found mine.

“Like I’m on top of the world,” I grinned back.

“Adjusting to that weight on your finger okay?”

“Feels surprisingly light. Like I always meant to wear it.”

“Mmm, that’s probably cuz you were.”

“You really think that? That I was always meant to be your wife?”

“I think you were always meant to be the greatest somebody to me. I just got lucky that somebody was my wife.”

“You’re such a sap,” I laughed, feeling myself tear up at his sentiment.

“Your sap.”

“My sap.”

~~~

“What is it about weddings that makes me want to get married?” Ashton asked as he twirled me in a circle before pulling me against his chest.

“We’re already married,” I pointed out.

“And I want to marry you every day for the rest of my life.”

“And I’ll marry you every time.”

Tag List

@goeatsomelife @flameraine @cashtonasff5sos @here-for-the-uproars @cxddlyash @1-irwin-94 @baldcalum @sparkling-calm @tea4sykes @youngblood199456 @5-seconds-of-obsession @gosh-im-short @aquarius-hood1996 @talkfastromance4 @itjustkindahappenedreally @philthepegacorn @kikixfandoms

#somebody to you #ashton irwin #ashton irwin fic #5sos #galcal irwin

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shippingtheswann · 5 years ago

Text

Answering the Call

A/N – this is my first ever One Shot. It is based off the prompt found on @bleebug Tumblr – Best friend CS AU where Emma butt-dials Killian when confiding in her friend(s) about her feelings for him, and he just sits there listening, confused and ecstatic and feeling like a jackass for eavesdropping, but mostly just relieved that his love isn’t unrequited like he’s believed for years. My story takes a little bit of a different route, but still has it all.

----------

His night wasn’t ending on a good note. There was no way after the day he had. He spent the last twelve hours preparing a presentation, and all he had to show for it was a slide that had his name and his professional information Killian Jones, COO, Jones INC. He was no where close to being ready for the conference next week. Normally, his brother Liam would be the one making the presentation. But, this time, Liam forced Killian to take on the job to impress potential investors and companies. He hated it. Public speaking wasn’t his strong suit – and neither was coming up with a way to make his company look good.

On top of that, he missed his weekly hang out with his friends. It had been a tradition that he looked forward to every week.

They would choose a new bar each week; trading off who was the designated driver (or the person who paid for the Uber) and who got to choose the location that week. You would think that after more than 5 years of weekly meetings, they would have run out of places to find – but each week, there was somewhere new within the hour drive of their universe.

Sure, Killian could normally tell what kind of bars he would be going to each week, simply based off his friend’s personalities – but he still enjoyed trying out new things. He especially enjoyed the company.

The past few weeks of bars had been an adventure to say the least. Mary Margaret and David had taken them to an 80’s themed pop up bar that had been opened and closed in quick succession. Ruby had decided on a biker bar out in the middle of nowhere that claimed to have the best moonshine. Regina took them up to Canada for her turn, opting for a special wine tasting at a place that looked like a castle. Trying to get 7 drunk Americans back into the country turned out to be easier than he expected. Graham had chosen another traditional sports bar.

Killian had been looking forward to this week. It was Emma’s turn.

Even though she wasn’t standing in front of him, his heart still skipped a beat when the thought of her.

Emma Swan was everything that Killian wanted but couldn’t have. She was untouchable. Not only was she too perfect for him – with her blonde hair and green eyes that brought just about every man she knew to his knees – but she had a dark sense of humor that Killian couldn’t get enough of. She was sarcastic half the time. She was the perfect drinking partner – never getting drunk enough to black out but keeping the pace with the men and showing them that she was just as much of a bad ass as they were. She was strong, yet gentle; loving but protected. She was perfect.

Ever since that night they met, Killian had been drawn to her; wanting to be around her every chance he got.

But, she was off limits. She was David’s adopted sister. She had been hurt in the past. She had walls sky high – and while Killian still worked on cracking those walls, he knew that nothing would ever come of it. David warned him the first night they met back in Freshman year. After another stupid frat party where Killian put on his best dashing rapscallion persona, David cornered him and told him to not mess with Emma.

They had grown up a lot in the last few years, but Killian knew it wasn’t enough to make Emma his, no matter how much he prayed for it to happen. And he knew that David wasn’t Emma’s keeper, that she could make her own decisions; but he respected David too much to cause any friction.

It was also worth remembering that Emma hadn’t once returned his affection.

As Killian walked through his apartment, in search of some much-needed aspirin, he remembered the last time that he brazenly flirted with Emma.

It was during their trip into Canada with Regina. They had all had too much to drink. When Regina said that she had paid her assistant to work extra hours and drive them home in the large van that she had rented, everyone pregamed in the van once they crossed the border. He could remember rolling his eyes when Regina had told them that they were traveling up in a rental van that night, but he couldn’t wait. He could remember pushing Graham out of the way to get to Emma’s side, not wanting anyone else to get all her attention. He remembered glass after glass of rum, even though Ruby was giving him a hard time about it being a vineyard. His hands, having developed a mind of their own, found Emma’s hair while they were sitting in a booth away from the crowd. As the night wore on, he got closer and closer to her, flirting a little bit more with each inch. Yet, she never reciprocated. She remained aloof. She was sweet and caring, but never crossed the line Killian was hoping she would. Her hands never traveled to him. They stayed firmly on her lap. The words that she whispered to him as he laid his head on her shoulder too tired to keep his eyes open as the van drove silently down the highway.

“You’re my best friend, I can’t”.

He had been placed in the friendzone – and he didn’t see himself ever leaving it. He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to hear those words or not, but the weight they carried finalized everything.

While that thought weighed heavy on his mind, he also knew that just having her in his life was better than nothing. If all she wanted from him was a friendship, then he was willing to be that for her. All he really wanted was for her to be in his life forever, for her to cast her glow upon his life for eternity. So even if she never loved him the way he loved her, he was OK with that.

And he did. He loved Emma Swan as deeply as one could love. Everything he did, he did with her in mind. He took the job at Liam’s company simply because he knew he would be able to afford to give Emma the life she deserved, even if it meant sacrificing what he loved to do, which was sail. There was no real job market in sailing, but Liam’s investment company made money and provided Killian with a safety net he knew Emma would need one day. He begged Liam to open a branch of the firm in Seattle, not wanting to be too far from his second family. He even purchased the apartment in hopes that one day he would share it with Emma. It was only a 10-minute walk to her job, and Killian abused that knowledge at times, randomly bumping into her on her lunch break or seeing her as she walked into the precinct in the mornings.

He popped the two pills and drank some water. It was nearing midnight and he was too tired to eat, even though the leftovers from dinner the night before were calling to him. He sat on his bed, his hands playing with his phone. He missed Emma, and the group. He missed their antics. They always ended up getting into trouble, even if they didn’t mean to. He wanted nothing more to just call Emma and talk to her. She always picked the best bars and he wanted to hear about everything that happened. His apartment was just too quiet.

He flipped the phone in his hands a few more times, then opened the screen and clicked on Emma’s name. He knew she would probably be asleep, but he just wanted to hear her voice, even if it was for only a few minutes. They hadn’t spoken at length since that night in Canada. Just a few casual conversations when they saw each other at last week’s bar hop. Graham hadn’t left Killian and David alone that night – there was a big game on that kept their attention on the screens.

The time that passed felt endless. The ringing of Emma’s phone kept his brain alert, while sending his body into shock at the same time. The nerves pulsing through his system would have been enough to kill just about anyone. After 4 rings, he didn’t think she would pick up and his heart sank. The feelings that washed over him were worse than the nerves that had been replaced. While he knew she probably wouldn’t answer, he got his hopes up again. Her voice came through the phone causing a slight smile to develop on his face. But, it was only her voicemail, telling the caller to leave her a message or to text her like a normal human.

“Hello Love, I was just calling to see how the night went. I missed you all, but Liam was insistent that I finish the presentation. Call me when you get a minute, or you know, text me. Either one. You know that I worry you didn’t make it home ok,” he said with a laugh, referencing his weird motherly concern, as Ruby called it, “I haven’t talked to you in a while and I just wanted to catch up. Well… have a good night Swan and hopefully I will talk to you soon”.

He hung up with a sigh.

He threw himself rather dramatically onto the bed. His arm came to wrap around his head, sheltering his eyes from the beaming light on his ceiling.

Just as his thoughts started to drift towards the deep end, where he would wallow in self pity thinking that he ruined his friendship with Emma that fateful weekend, his phone rang in his hands.

She appeared on the screen, all bright and beautiful. It was a picture Killian had taken of her one weekend the group traveled down to San Diego. She was sitting on the beach, the ocean sparkling in the background. The strings of her bikini poking out from her red coverup. The large straw hat she wore to block out the sun bent back. Her smile was contagious, as she had just finished laughing at something Mary Margaret had said. He cursed himself for ever making that picture her caller ID. He wanted to stare at it more than talk to her.

He forced himself to answer the call.

“Good evening Love,” he started, waiting to hear her angelic voice answer him back.

He could hear mumbling, but no one spoke directly to him. There was laughter in the background.

“Emma,” he said, a bit louder than normal.

Still, no one answered. There was some scratching on the phone, and then things came in a bit clearer.

Ruby’s unique laughter came through the phone. He could hear Mary Margaret shushing everyone else. Regina’s voice then came in. He was able to hear the words out of her mouth, but something was muffling the noise.

“Come on Emma, Truth or Dare?” Regina said.

He could hear more giggling, then the woman he loved said “Truth”.

It finally dawned on him that Emma must have butt dialed him. Emma’s iPhone had been known to do that a few times. It was so old, and she refused to upgrade it even though her plan allowed her to. Yet, Emma kept the beat-up thing that took nothing more than any piece of fabric touching it to unlock it. A few times, she had accidently dialed her Captain when she was putting her phone in her pocket. He laughed to himself before yelling her name one last time.

“Emma” he screamed into the phone.

No reply.

As he moved the phone away from his face, about to hang up the call, he heard something that had him pulling the phone back towards his ear.

“Alright, tell us how you really feel about Killian,” Regina

He felt wrong to listen, but something in him needed to know what Emma felt.

There was a round of laughter as the girls were probably getting settled to hear Emma’s confession. He could imagine them. Regina was probably sitting in a chair, her icy eyes focused on Emma. Mary Margaret was probably on the floor, trying to contain her excitement. Ruby was probably lying down, taking up the whole couch of whoever’s apartment they were at. It was Emma that he had troubles imagining.

Was she smiling as Regina asked the question? Did her heart start to skip at beat at the mention of his name, the way it did for him? Were her cheeks flushed because of thoughts of him?

“Killian’s my best friend,” Emma said, muffled by her pocket. He could hear a smile in her voice.

“Come on Swan, there is more to that – tell us how you really feel about Killian,” Regina said, this time a bit more forceful than before.

He heard a sigh and he felt his heart completely stop; the breath caught in his chest.

“Oh, fuck it,” she started, her voice coming in a bit clearer, “I love the man. OK! I love him. I’ve loved him for years.”

He almost dropped the phone. Everything that was happening suddenly stopped – time stood still. Emma Swan loved him. The woman he loved, that he would go to the ends of time and space for loved him back. He heard the words straight from her mouth. Yet, the words didn’t sound exciting and promising. They sounded sad. It was if a knife was slowly cutting out his heart. She loved him, but clearly that love wasn’t enough.

“But I’m scared OK. I’m scared of what loving him might mean,” she concluded.

“What do you mean?” Ruby asked.

“Remember when we all went to that bar Regina found a few weeks ago,” she paused, probably waiting for her friends to nod their understanding, “Killian was being just so… Killian. He was the perfect gentleman and the whole night, I just imagined what being with him would be like. We aren’t even dating, but he was constantly touching me, throwing attention my way. What would that be like if we were actually together? Then, in the van, he put his head on my shoulder, and suddenly, my feelings smacked me right in the face. And then I got scared. He is my best friend – what would happen if I lose him? What would happen if I lose our friendship? I couldn’t live with that. The last few weeks, with us barley talking because I got scared of my feelings, has been so rough. All I’ve wanted to do is talk to him, be near him; it’s been torture.”

Killian let a breath out. A thousand things were running through his mind. How could he be so blind to what Emma was going through? How could he get her to change her mind and be with him? He needed to make her see that no matter what, they would be OK. She needed to understand that he would never do anything to hurt her, that he would spend eternity making sure that what they used to have will always be there, as a strong foundation to what they were going to have.

“Oh Emma,” Mary Margaret’s soothing voice echoed in his ear, “You can never be sure what is going to happen, but you can’t live your life surrounded by fear. Fear is natural and serves a purpose, but you can’t let it control your happiness. Love, true love, the love that I know you have for Killian and he has for you, is worth the risk of anything that may happen.”

“You really think he loves me?” her voice was barely audible.

“Of course, he does!” he heard Ruby yell.

“The man isn’t the brightest, but he isn’t a dumbass, of course he loves you,” Regina quipped.

Killian rolled his eyes at the words, but she was right – he did love her.

“What should I do?” Emma questioned.

“You tell him, you tell him everything. Be honest with him. Tell him you are scared. Tell him you don’t want to lose his friendship. But start with telling him you love him,” Mary Margaret told him.

He could hear shuffling, movement of fabric over the phone. Then, everything got very clear.

“Oh shit,” he heard Emma whisper, her voice louder than it had been before.

Suddenly, her face appeared on his phone. She must have turned on her FaceTime app.

“Well hello there love,” he smiled, not hiding the cocky grin that was now splashed across his face.

“How much of that did you hear?” She asked, her cheeks reddening.

“Enough to tell you that I love you too,” he said.

Maybe the night was going to end on a good note.

#One shot #CS #Captain Swan #captain swan fanfiction #Captain swan one shot #Captain Swan OS #Captain Swan FF #CSFF #fanfiction

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melikeylikeyjimin · 6 years ago

Text

Noir || Three

(I don’t own this gif)

Word Count: 2.1k

Genre: Mafia AU! Sugar Daddy AU! Jungkook X Reader, fluff, angst.

Warnings: none

A/N: Here is the third chapter of Noir! I hope you enjoy this chapter and forgive me for not getting it out on time like I hoped to! If you’d like to be tagged whenever I post a new chapter of Noir, please DM me, leave a comment on this post, or send an ask and I’ll add you to the list!

Tag list: @another-star-you-fade-away @yeontanie21 @moniebuns

Previous Chapter || Next Chapter

“Excuse me but you are not going out looking like that!” Nicci screamed.

“What do you mean? There’s nothing wrong with what I’m wearing.”

“You cannot go out to a club in jeans and a t-shirt!” I sighed as Nicci ranted on and on about how I should wear a tight short dress and have a fun time drinking and getting laid, but honestly, that was not the lifestyle I was looking for.

I huffed and sat down on the bed next to Nicci, “You know that I’m not comfortable wearing those kinds of things, Nicci.”

“I do, but you should forget about looking good and just have a good time!”

“I will have a good time in my jeans and a t-shirt.”

“Please, at least try on the dress I brought over?”

I looked at her eyes as she pouted and finally gave in. “Fine, I’ll entertain you.”

“Yes! You’ll look like a snack, I know you will!”

I rolled my eyes and walked into the bathroom with the velvet blue dress. I closed the door and stripped down my clothes. I zipped the dress down and stepped in it while holding onto the counter as I was 99% sure I would trip otherwise. With both legs on the ground, I shimmied my way into the dress pulling it over my chest and putting my arms in the straps.

Already the dress was holding onto my curves. I hold my hair up and opened the door, turning my back to Nicci giving her the signal to zip it up. She zips it up and I let my hair fall back over my shoulders.

I turn to face her and she immediately squeals, “Oh my god, I knew it would look incredible on you!”

“It’s tight.”

“Well duh, how else are you supposed to show off what you got if it’s not tight?” I wrinkled my nose and looked at my appearance. It did look good but I didn’t know how comfortable I felt wearing it. I ran my hand over my bare arms in reassurance.

“Fine.”

“What?” Nicci asked.

“I’ll wear it.”

“Bold of you to assume you had a choice either way!” I glared at her as she cackled and moved to my closet. “Let me find the perfect shoes for you.” I let her do her thing and she came back with strappy open-toe heels.

“These.” I didn’t say anything as it’s not like I really had a choice in what she wanted.

“Will you do my makeup for me?”

“Of course I will. I’ll make sure you’re the prettiest girl in that whole damn club.”

“I don’t necessarily want all that attention though…”

“Oh shush. Then if not that, I’ll make sure Dylan is drooling over you.” I raised an eyebrow at her comment, not sure why she wanted to make Dylan “drool” all over me, but I kept quiet.

I closed my eyes and let Nicci work her magic with makeup. I was a mere novice at it and only knew the basics, I would look like a raccoon if I tried to do eyeshadow.

Once I opened my eyes, I saw that Nicci had decided on a light brown gradient around my eyes that melted into a darker brown. The middle of my lids were covered in a gold layer and my under eyes were lined with the same brown shades. The eyeliner was simple and thin as to not overdo the look.

“I figured you can do your mascara on your own, as that’s all that’s left for you to do.” I nodded as I kept looking in the mirror, not able to believe that someone had this much skill in makeup.

I grabbed the tube of mascara and began brushing it through my lashes, making sure that they were long and voluminous. Once I had finished, I looked in the mirror and saw that everything looked perfect. I smiled at my reflection one last time before wandering out into the living room where Nicci was waiting.

“Good?” I simply asked her.

She glanced over me and smiled, “Perfect! You’re definitely going to have men pooling at your ankles!”

I chucked while shaking my head. “When is Dylan supposed to get here?” I changed the subject.

“I don’t know, but he better hurry his ass up. He said he was going to be here at 9 and it’s 9:05!”

“It’s just five minutes, Nicci…”

“Five minutes that he has wasted!”

After a few more minutes of waiting the doorbell rang and Nicci got up and swung the door open, revealing Dylan. “Where do you think you’ve been? I’ll have you know that you are ten whole minutes late! Ten!”

Dylan rolled his eyes and pushed past her so he was inside, “Yeah, yeah, at least I’m here, right?” Nicci grumbled as he mostly ignored her.

“Where’s Y/n is she ready?”

“She’s right in front of you, dumbass!”

“What? No, she isn-Y/N?!” Dylan’s voice raised as he glanced me over.

He turned to Nicci, “This is not our y/n, where’s y/n?”

“It really is me, Dylan.” I finally said.

His jaw dropped as he kept looking at me. “I-I well, you look...good…?”

“Good? Just good?! She’s a goddess, and I can tell you think the same just by how you’re drooling over her!” Nicci yelled.

I smiled shyly, knowing Dylan wasn’t used to seeing me dressed up. “Did you order the Uber?”

“Yeah…” Dylan said still spaced out.

I nodded, “Let’s go then.”

Standing outside the club and waiting to get inside, all of us huffed. “This wouldn’t have happened if you were on time!” Nicci raged.

“There was traffic, okay?!” Dylan shouted back.

I sighed, “Now is not the time you guys!”

They both went silent and ignored each other. After a few minutes we were at the front of the line and we showed our ID’s to get in. We walked into the club, the loud music and flashing light flooding our senses.

Dylan walked closer to me and leaned down to my ear, ”Did you really have to wear something so short?”

I went to reply to him, but Nicci was already ushering us further into the nightclub. We found an empty booth and we all sat down. “I’ll go get us drinks!” She rushed off leaving just Dylan and me.

“Why are you concerned over my dress? It’s not that short…” I told him.

“It is short! I would know because I’m a guy!”

I pouted, “But it looks good.”

He visibly swallowed, “It does make you look good, but then other guys will look at you.”

“Other guys don’t matter. I only care about myself.”

“I know that you’re wearing it for yourself, and I support you wearing whatever you want, without shaming, but it brings lots of unwanted attention to you as well. I’m just worried…”

I grinned, “You’re so cute. I’ll be fine. If anything happens, like always, I’ll tell you okay?”

He sighed and finally agreed, “As long as you’re careful.” I nodded. Nicci came rushing back with our drinks setting the glass of whiskey in front of Dylan and the cocktail in front of me. She sipped on her margarita and with one go, downed it.

“Hurry up, y/n! Let’s go dance!”

I nodded and drank down my daiquiri as best as I could. I got up and followed her to the dance floor, waving at Dylan one last time. She led me to the middle as we were pushed up against many other sweaty bodies.

We began moving with the music and we both got lost to the beat with the alcohol running through our veins. “I’m going to get another drink, do you want one?” She shouted. I nodded and she left me on my own in the middle of the dance floor. I continued to dance, not minding anyone else around me as I waited for her to come back with our drink.

Luckily, no one bothered me in the time it took for Nicci to bring the drinks. She handed me the drink, one that I didn’t recognize. “What’s this?”

“Something to help you loosen up even more!” I looked quizzically at it. I took a small sip of it and felt it burn on its way down. It wasn’t necessarily bad, but I could tell it was hard liquor. I downed it and we both continued to dance.

Time seemed to slow around me as we both enjoyed our time. I could feel the alcohol taking its toll on my body. I had a rather low tolerance, so I knew if I had more than another drink or two, I would be drunk. “I’m tired, my feet hurt! Let’s go take a break!” I told Nicci. She nodded as we both made our way back to Dylan. He was on his second glass of whiskey. We both huffed as we sat down on either side of Dylan.

“Tired?” He asked. We both nodded. He handed both of us some water which we both gladly took.

He looked over at me, “Y/n, are you drunk?”

I shook my head, “No, I only had two drinks.”

“But your face is a bit red.”

“I’m okay. I don’t know what was in the second drink, but it was hard.”

“What did you give her, Nicci?”

“It was just some vodka so she could loosen up some more.”

Dylan nodded. “You should take a break, so you don’t get too drunk.”

“But I want another drink.”

Dylan looked at me and bit his lip, “I don’t know…”

“Oh let her have another drink, she’s an adult for god's sake. I’ll get you another drink, wait here.” Dylan was about to protest, but Nicci was gone.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yup, I’m as good as could be.”

“Okay, if you say so. I trust you.” I laid my head against Dylan’s shoulder as I waited for Nicci to get back with my drink. He gently brought his hand up and fixed a few stray strands of hair for me. I felt a little tired from the alcohol in my system, but I didn’t want to sleep anytime soon.

“Are you sleepy?”

“A little…”

“You can take a nap if you want, I’m not going anywhere.”

I shook my head, “No, I want to have more fun. Not to mention, you should have some fun too.”

He laughed, “I am having fun. I have plenty of fun drinking and watching the two of you have fun. Plus I’m the guy so I should watch over your guy’s drinks and belongings.”

I was about to talk but Nicci came rushing in with the same drink that I had last time. I knew I probably should take it slow, but tonight was supposed to be fun. I took it from her and quickly downed it. I almost spit fire from the burn it left in my chest.

“Jeez, don’t down it!” Nicci said.

I shrugged. “Ready to go back out there?”

She nodded.

We both returned to the dance floor and continued dancing. After a bit, I could tell I was a bit drunk. “I’m going to go get some water,” I told her. Nicci nodded and continued to dance.

I pushed my way through the crowd, stumbling a bit on my way. I made my way to the crowded bar and ordered a water. I stood there while I waited until I felt eyes on me. I turned and looked over to see a man across the bar.

He looked young. He was dressed nice and his hair was parted down the middle. His dark hair and dark eyes were almost matching. I met his eyes and he stared right back into mine. I quickly looked away feeling a bit embarrassed for staring. He was definitely good looking.

“May I ask what someone as beautiful as you are doing here by yourself?” I jumped feeling the voice next to me. I looked over to see the same man from across the bar.

”O-Oh, I’m not alone, I came with my friends.”

He smiled, “I’m glad you have company.”

I wasn’t really sure what to say. I looked back up at him, and I could feel my vision swirl. I saw him frown as I felt my eyes start to glaze over.

“Are you okay, miss?” I opened my mouth to answer but I felt too tired to even get any words out.

Within a few more seconds I felt my eyes close and my body slump against someone else's. And just like that, I was out, ignoring all the other voices around me.

NEXT PROJECTED UPDATE: 05/17/19

#jungkook x reader #mafia jungkook #sugar daddy jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook #bts jungkook x reader #jungkook series #jungkook senarios #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #bts #bts series #bts scenarios #kpop #noir

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themoonandotherslikeit · 5 years ago

Text

The Daughter of a Righteous Man- Chapter 17

*SEQUEL TO THE LOOK IN HER EYES*

After her husband is drug to Hell, Ava Winchester and her brother in law Sam try their best to do right by Dean and raise her daughter, only to find that good intentions aren’t always enough. Loving someone isnt always enough.

Chapter Seventeen, Anna

Ava

"I've got the bag!" Lacey called from the nursery.

"Great, I've pumped and prepped the bottles."

"Perfect. I'll drop her off," Lacey said, taking Nel from my arms. She leaned in and kissed my cheek before freezing. "Okay we are getting way too comfortable with this."

I hadn't seen Dean for a week and a half, I'd been avoiding Sam like the plague, and Lacey had stayed over every night to help me with Nel. My wounds were mostly healed, my bruises were yellow and my fractured rib was mostly a constantly dull ache instead of an intense stabbing pain. Progress right?

John or Bobby would occasionally pick her up and take her to Dean. I didn't know where he was staying, and I wasn't sure I had the right to ask.

"Yeah, I guess we are."

Lacey put her hand on my shoulder. "Listen, Ave. I'm your friend so I'm gonna bring out the hard truth, the big guns, you've gotta talk to him. You've gotta stop hiding out."

I groaned. "You're the one who said to give him space!"

"Yeah, I did, and you have. From what you've said since he left... well you know what you want. Now it's time to go see what he wants. If the apocalypse is really coming then we all may not have as much time as we think we do, so why waste it? Ya know?"

"What if he doesn't want me?"

"Ava, I know we don't know each other that well, but you don't seem like the kind that gets insecure."

I shrugged. "I guess the whole husband and boyfriend thing has me in a weird place."

"What about Sam? You haven't mentioned him since the incident."

"I don't know what to say." I shrugged. "I've never known what to say."

"Well you better figure it out." Lacey smiled wishfully. "Before it's too late."

Dean

I woke up to the light coming into my motel room. I groaned and rubbed my eyes, my hangover aching behind my forehead. I knew that I should be being productive, or doing anything, but when Eleanor wasn't with me I didn't see the point in any of it. My time in Hell was haunting me when I wasn't sleeping next to Ava, and I couldn't figure out how to look at her or Sam right now, so I didn't bother calling. I needed to work out my shit.

My phone rang, and the second I thought my head couldn't hurt more I was proven wrong.

I groaned, grabbing for it without checking the caller ID. Amateur move. "What do you want?"

"Dean, you finally picked up. I didn't think you would."

Sammy. I groaned again. He had called on the hour every day, and I'd be avoiding his calls. I didn't feel like talking.

"Don't hang up,” he said desperately. "There's been development... listen. I know you don't want to see me, but I found a possible apocalypse lead."

I squinted my eyes. Classic Sam, trying to weasel his way back into my life with a case. I snorted. "Give me the details and I'll check it out."

"No way. We are going together."

"Sam, come on, don't make me kick your ass again." I pinched the bridge of my nose.

"Do what you have to do. I'm coming by your motel."

I sat up slowly. "My motel?"

"Used find my phone."

I couldn't help but smile, the kid learned after all. "Fine, but I'm not making any promises."

"Deal."

Click.

I got up, and got dressed. I made myself some coffee and opted for some pain medicine. While my coffee brewed, I shoved my head under the sink and drank water right from the faucet. If felt nice rolling down my throat.

By the time Sam arrived my headache was almost gone, and I was in a less murderous mood.

"Hey,” Sam said, a little out of breath as I opened the motel door.

I grunted in response, not feeling particularly civil.

His jaw looked healed from when I hit him. That was good. I didn't feel like having to deal with the guilt that came from hurting my little brother, no matter how much he deserved it. I sat down at the small table and sipped my now-cold coffee. "So what is this intel?"

"I uh... I heard about this girl, Anna. Apparently the demons really want her. She just broke out of a locked mental ward at a hospital."

"How do you know the demons want her?" I eyed him.

"You're going to be mad."

"I'm already mad, Sam."

He winced and cleared his throat. "Ruby told me."

"Oh great. So I'm gone for a few months, you get with my girl, and are buddy buddy with demons. Excellent." I pushed my coffee away. It suddenly tasted sour.

"She sought me out. She thought we should know."

"Sure she did. And you just trust her?"

"I don't know, man. We have checked things out for less."

He had a point, but I was still pissed. I was pissed about everything, if I was being honest. "Fine, but this is strictly business," I said standing. "No brother bonding, because I don't trust you right now."

Sams jaw was tight as he nodded, probably willing to take whatever he could get.

We packed up the car, and I checked out of the motel room. She was only a five hour drive away and it was still early, so we would make it to the hospital with plenty of time.

I cranked up the music as I pulled Baby out of the parking lot. I hoped this would keep Sam from using the close quarters and miles of road in front of us to his advantage.

After an hour of awkward silence Sam finally had enough. He reached forward and turned down the volume. Right as I expected him to confront me he took out his phone and dialed. "Yup this is Detective Hanscum. Sure, badge number eight six bravo lima two seven zero. Uh huh. Looking for an Anna Milton. Can I get the missing persons report? Yup. Thanks." He turned off the phone. "So she's real." He glanced at me.

"We still don't know that she's important."

"We don't know she's not."

I gripped the steering wheel and clicked on the windshield wipers. It was starting to rain.

"Do you... can we talk?"

"Nope. Business only. I'm not ready to hear the excuses."

Sam turned his whole body to look at me. "Then what? I'm not with her. You gonna hate me forever?" He sounded like a little kid. Like when I found him wearing my favorite leather coat eating a popsicle.

"I don't hate you, Sammy, but I'm not exactly thrilled with you right now."

I sounded like a dad. Not my dad, but someone's. Someone who has a more well adjusted family.

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.

"Have you talked to her?"

I gripped the steering wheel harder. "Man you just don't listen, do you? We aren't doing this right now. Apocalypse first. Chick drama second" I said, trying to come off disinterested as if anything with Ava could just be chick drama.

"Yeah." He sucked in his breath. "You're probably right."

"See if you got the missing persons report," I said with a sigh. "Let's get all the information we can so we aren't walking in blind."

"You got it."

——————————-

"So the orderly doesn't remember the attack?" Sam asked, holding his pen to pad.

We were in Anna's room. It was stale, and looked like any other mental ward. There was a bed, and a desk. Windows with bars. I always felt itchy in places like this. If I ever told anyone the truth about my life I knew I'd be committed myself, and it never sounded like something I'd be into.

"Apparently she knocked him unconscious. The blow caused some amnesia. He doesn't even remember coming into the room,” the psychologist said as she clicked her own pen.

"Hell of a hit against someone who has eighty pounds on her." I eyed the doctor.

"We think she was planning it. Maybe hid behind the door."

"Anna's illness was recent, right?" Sam asked.

"Yes. A few months ago she was happy, well adjusted, journalism major, bright future."

"And what happened?" I took a step closer. "She just flipped?"

"That's the tragedy of schizophrenia. Within weeks she was overcome with delusions."

"What kind of delusions?" Sam asked, his eyebrows coming together.

"She saw demons everywhere,” the doctor said, handing Sam her sketch book.

"Interesting," I said with a cough. Sam handed me the notebook and I flipped through. A few pages in distinct, thick black lines scribbled the rise of the witnesses. Sam and I exchanged a look. I wasn't sure if I was happier being wrong about Ruby's lead, because now more than ever this all felt way too real. "Revelations."

"A lot of our patients delusions have religious undertones. Anna's father was a church deacon, so when her delusions got worse she believed the devil was going to rise. I hope you can find her, detective. It's dangerous for her to be out there alone." The doctor shook our hands. "I have patients."

"Of course," Sam said with a million dollar smile. "I think we have everything we need."

We made our way to the car before we spoke again. "Well I hate to say it, but I think Anna is connected."

"Yeah, ya think?"

I rolled my eyes in response. "I say we check out her parents house. Maybe she went there when she escaped."

"Worth a shot," Sam agreed as we got in the car.

The Milton's lived close, not even the length of two Bon Jovi songs on the radio. We got out and knocked on the glass in the door.

"Maybe they're not home," I said after a moment of silence.

"Both cars are in the driveway."

I tried the front door and it opened easily. "Mr and Mrs Milton? We are from the sheriffs department. We want to ask you a few questions..."

Sam grabbed my arm and turned me to look into the living room. Both of her parents were dead on the floor, throats slashed.

I bent down and touched a substance on the floor. "Sulfur," I said with a sigh.

"Demons beat us here. Whoever this Anna girl is the demons want her bad."

"And they're not playin around," I agreed. "We have to find this girl. So I'm girl interrupted, and I know the score of the apocalypse. Where do I go?"

Sam stared at a photo of a cute red head inside of a church. Must be Anna. "Hey let me see those sketches again."

I handed him the pages and he examined them. "It's the window from her church. Over and over again. She's religious and scared. I bet that's where she went."

The church was a tall gray building with a large kaleidoscope style window above the main door. The exact one Anna was drawing.

We walked in with our guns drawn. Maybe it's sacrilegious to walk into a church with a loaded gun, but hey I don't believe in god anyway, so what did I have to lose?

"Anna... we are here to help you. My name is Sam... this is my brother Dean."

Behind stained glass a flash of red poked out, along with two glowing green eyes. "Sam? Not Sam Winchester?"

"Yeah actually."

"And you're Dean? The Dean?"

"Well, yeah. The Dean I guess." I raised my eyebrows.

She was young. Maybe twenty two with deep red hair. She was thin, her face angular in a way that you see in makeup models. She looked exhausted, with half moons under her eyes, but in her iris something was on fire. "They talk about you all the time! You were in Hell, but Castiel pulled you out. Some of them think that you can help save us. Some of them don't like you at all. They talk about you all the time lately, I feel like I know you."

My stomach clenched. "You talk to angels?"

"Oh, no. No way! I just kind of overhear them. They talk and I just hear them in my head."

"Like now?"

"No, not now, but a lot. I can't tune them out there are so many of them," Anna said, her voice shaking. She wanted desperately to be believed. She was in luck.

"They looked you up with a case of the crazies, but you're really just tuned into angel radio?" I asked curiously.

"Yes... thank you." She reached out and took my hand. "The first words I heard, clear as a bell. Dean Winchester is saved."

"What do you think?" I asked Sam.

He shrugged. "No idea."

I squeezed her hand and she smiled. "At least we know why the demons want you. If they get you they'll know what the angels are up to. You're 1-800-ANGEL."

The door opened, and Anna started to scream. "Her face! She's a demon!"

I turned and was face to face with a brunette. "Ruby," Sam said with a frown.

"You've got the girl, good. We have to go."

"Ruby? Are you fucking joking?"

"Dean we can fight later!" Ruby said angrily. "There's a demon on our tail. He followed you from her parents house. We need to get her out now."

"How do I know you didn't lead him here?" I growled.

She sighed and shook her head. "It's too late, he's already here."

The door swung open again, and a man stood in plaid blazer and khaki pants.

I grabbed Anna and told her to hide. Her fingers left mine and she ran back behind the stained glass again.

Sam stood in front of me and held his hand out, palm flat. He focused, and the demon walked toward us. His eyes flickered white and he coughed a few times. "Oh, Sam. You don't have enough juice." He flicked his hand, sending Sam flying through the guard rail, and down the stairs.

"Sam!" I shouted, coming at the demon. He immediately grabbed me, sending his fist into my jaw.

"Hello, Dean. Long time no see,” the demon said angrily.

My eyes met his and without seeing his face I knew exactly who he was. I knew it in my bones. His voice haunted my nightmares. "Alastair."

"I knew you missed me,” he hissed, hitting me again and again.

I was able to get my hands between us, and I shoved him away, Sam catching him, putting a knife in his chest. He flickered a bit, electricity pulsing around the wound. "Oh Sam you'll have to do better than that!" He reached for the knife, trying to pry it out of his skin.

Sam and I looked around. Anna and Ruby were gone. I grabbed ahold of him and we ran with everything we had toward the stained glass window, busting through it.

Glass ripped our skin and clothes, but nothing compared to the horrible crack I felt when my body hit the concrete at the bottom of the long drop.

We cleaned up our wounds, and met back up with Ruby and Anna at an old barn outside of town. We borrowed a car so we wouldn't be followed, at least that was the idea.

"Hey are you okay?" I asked when I saw her.

She ran to me, wrapping her arms around me. "I am... thank you."

"Don't thank me. Not sure we are out of the woods yet," I said, stroking the length of her hair. She was freaked out, to say the least.

"Can I call my parents? I'm sure they're worried sick."

I pulled out of the hug and looked at her. Damn I hate this part. "Anna... I'm sorry. The demons got to them before we could."

She burst into tears, and I held her again. I let her cry, let it all out. She finally pulled away, wiping her eyes. "What's happening Dean?"

"I'm sorry kid. I just don't know, but I'll figure it out," I promised.

She pushed her hair behind her ears. "I need a second." She let go of me and walked into the other room to process what I'd told her. To process her grief.

"So what now?" I asked Sam.

"I don't know,” he sighed.

Ruby stood up suddenly. "We're you followed?"

"No," Sam said quickly.

"Well we have company," Ruby said stressed. "We've got to go. Where's the knife?"

Sam scratched his head. "I sort of lost it. It was stuck in that demons chest."

"Seriously?!" Ruby shouted grabbing a shot gun off the table. "Well we are fucked so I hope you two are happy."

The door blew open, and Castiel stepped into the doorway next to another man.

"Here for some divine intervention? We could use the help." I said with a sigh of relief.

"We are here for Anna," Castiel said.

"Like... here for her here for her?" I asked slowly, questioning his meaning.

"Are you going to help her?" Sam asked.

"No,” the second man said.

Castiel met my eyes. "She has to die."

"You want Anna? Why?" Sam asked alarmed.

"We want her out of the way,” the other angel said flippantly.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, I know she's wiretapping your angel chats or whatever, but it's no reason to gank her."

"Don't worry. I'll kill her gentle."

"You're some heartless sons of bitches, you know that?" I frowned.

Castiel sighed. "As a matter of fact, we are. And?"

"And? Anna's an innocent girl!" Sam exclaimed.

Castiel shook his head. "She is far from innocent."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means she's worse than this abomination you've been screwing. Now give us the girl,” the second angel said eyeing Ruby.

He took a step toward her and a bright light came, sucking the two of them away. Sam and I immediately ran into the other room to check on Anna.

"Are they gone?" She gasped. Her arm was sliced open and she was bleeding everywhere. Her hands were covered, and the mirror in front of her had a symbol drawn on it.

I grabbed her, hoping to support her, and I immediately started putting pressure on her wound.

"You killed them?" Sam asked.

"Just sent them away... far away."

"You want to tell me how?"

"That just popped in my head. I don't know how I did it. I just did it." She looked up at us desperately.

"How do you know this stuff Anna?" I asked, crouching to meet her eyes. "Think. How did you figure out those markings?"

"I...I think I may remember,” she said, hushed, she bit her lip. "It all came as a flash. First the sigil, and then..."

"Then what?" I asked her.

"Everything." Anna met my eyes. "I was an angel, Dean."

I looked at Sam alarmed and back to her. "An angel? Why do they want you?"

"I fell. I... I ripped out my grace."

"Your what?"

"The part of me that makes me an angel. I wanted to be human... so I fell and my mom became pregnant with me." She shook her head. "It's all still a little muddled, but I think I forgot the longer I was here. It was somewhere in my mind, locked away."

Sam and Ruby left us alone so I could stitch up her wounds, and so they could make a game plan. The angels would come back for her. They were angry that she left.

"This'll hurt, sorry about it," I said before pouring alcohol on her wound to clean it, and then pouring some on the needle I was going to use to stitch up her arm.

"It's okay,” she murmured.

"Can I ask you something? Why would you fall? Why would you want to be one of us?"

She looked at me as I stitched. "You don't mean that."

"I don't? A bunch of - of miserable bastards... Eating, crapping, confused, afraid."

"I don't know. There's loyalty... forgiveness... love." She sounded dreamy.

"Pain," I countered.

"Chocolate cake."

"Guilt."

"Sex."

I grinned. "Yeah, you got me there."

"I mean it. Every emotion, Dean, even the bad ones... every pain comes with joy. Falling in love... all of it. It's why I fell. It's why... why I'd give anything not to have to go back. Anything."

I could see the look on Sams face when he held Ava. How he didn't deny it when I asked if they were together. "Feelings are overrated, if you ask me."

"Beats being an angel."

I tied her stitches shut and held the cotton bandage over it. "How's that possible? You guys are powerful and perfect. You don't doubt yourselves or God or anything."

Anna winced and then laughed. "Yeah. Perfect... Like a marble statue. Cold... no choice... only obedience. Dean, do you know how many angels have actually seen God? Seen his face?"

"All of you?"

"Four angels. Four. And I'm not one of them."

"That's it? Well, then how do you even know that there is a God?"

"We have to take it on faith... Which we're killed if we don't have." She said grabbing my arm. "I was stationed on earth 2,000 years. Just... watching... silent... invisible... out on the road... sick for home... waiting on orders from an unknowable father I can't begin to understand. So don't tell me that..."

I laughed and shook my head.

"What is so funny?" She asked, annoyed.

"Nothing. Sorry. It's just...I can relate." I smiled and wrapped her arm. "Overbearing dad, check. I'm a soldier too."

“Hey Dean? Thank you. You two didn't need to protect me."

I shrugged. "You don't need to thank me. It's what I do."

"I don't know. Maybe I don't deserve to be saved,” she said looking away.

"Hey, Don't talk like that," I said, turning her face to look at me.

"I disobeyed. Lucifer disobeyed. It's our number one rule, and I knew it. Maybe I got to pay."

I took a deep breath, and stood up. "Yeah, well, we've all done things we got to pay for."

"Dean," she began as she stood up. "I got to tell you something. You're not gonna like it."

I eyed her. "Okay. what?"

"About a week ago, I heard the angels talking... About you... What you did in Hell. Dean, I know. It wasn't your fault. You should forgive yourself."

My jaw was tight and I blinked away wetness in my eyes. "Anna, I don't want to, uh... I can't talk about that."

"I know. But when you can, you have people that want to help. You are not alone. That's all I'm trying to say,” she said, taking my hand in hers.

I sucked in my breath and turned to look at her. There were things I couldn't say. Not to her, or Ava, or Sam. Not to anyone. Things I'd done that I couldn't bury forever. If pain was being human, then maybe I didn't want to be human. I just wanted to forget.

Anna reached up, touched my cheek, and pressed her lips to mine.

—————

Chapter Eighteen, Help Me Unravel My Latest Mistake

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unimpressedperson · 6 years ago

Text

ishin-denshin

(I found that picture in @seoulicons . Thank you for posting that)

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Warnings: I mentioned Expensive Girl and sex, so yeah, nothing here is pure. Also, there are mentions of self-harm, so please, if it’s triggering tell me and I’ll change it :) Your mental health should always come first :)

Pairing: Min Yoongi x @emerson-moonchild, Min Yoongi x Reader

Word Counting: 6.2k

Synopsis: Min Yoongi and Emerson had a profound connection, so deep and supernatural that not even themselves understood it. However, nothing is pure bliss and flowers, when everything seems wrong and the connecting fades with time, then their love shall be proven with no otherwise.

A/N: Hey Em!! It’s finally here! I finished your oneshot + poem. Yes!! I mentioned The Chaos Club and paired them with BTS, but tried not to focus on them. Even though it finished with over SIX THOUSAND WORDS, I had to stop myself and not include random and unnecessary stuff, like interactions between characters without the starring roles presence (Yoongi and Emerson). Oh, before I continue, I changed the band’s name, it’s shitty, but I even wrote one verse of ‘Clarividencia’ (the BTL song mentioned). Hope it’s good! You deserve the best Em, or should I begin calling you ‘cutie pie’? Lol Sorry for my bad grammar and hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing :)

- x - x - x -

Min Yoongi took a long sip on his coffee, dark and, ironically, sugar-free. He enjoyed small ironies and always drank from them, maybe it worked as fuel to his personality. Despite from the cute face and artistic name, Yoongi enjoyed how people were amazed about the personality flashed: rebel, serious, sarcastic, a human with a stone cold heart pumping blood and rage to his organs.

Well, that's how outsiders saw him, reality was insanely different. Emerson knew it, she dig down so deep in Yoongi's emotions, finding a butter heart with so much love stored. Whilst drinking tea from a ridiculously adorned cup, she analyzed his soft expressions and occasional wrinkling nose whenever the bitterness hit his taste buds.

– Tea is just leaf juice, you know, right? - Yoongi asked, not glaring straight at Emerson.

– So what? It's delicious. - Emerson answered, taking a long and loud sip from the salmon and cream coloured cup, raising her pinky. - Coffee is just juice from beans. Water is juice from ice cubes.

– You are so british sometimes. - The man said and turned to look at Emerson, grinning slightly at her cuteness and rosy cheeks.

– Well, my identity backs you up on that. I'm british, living in London, drinking tea in a british coffee shop, listening to british news on television, presented by a british journalist, graduated in a british university, working for a british television broadcast channel. You are the foreigner here, love. - She said serious, but smiling, fingers stuck around the cup, steam warming her face.

– I know. Everything is so british. Even our songs are getting british. - Yoongi said and finished his cup of coffee with a short sip. - Yesterday Taehyung sang with british accent, even the verses in korean. We were surprised and Namjoon almost collapsed cuz one of the words sounded like 'yadong', which is porn in korean.

– I'm surprised one of your songs never mentioned 'yadong', since it's a rock band with pretty explicit musics. - She giggled remembering the first time Yoongi allowed her to listen 'Expensive Girl', their first song that exploded in SoundCloud, and as soon as Bangtan Lads made a career outside Korea, the track was deleted, only officially existing in personal files from every member.

– Don't you throw 'Expensive Girl' at me, it was Jin and Namjoon's idea to release it. - Yoongi said and raised one of his eyebrows slightly.

They were sitting on a table close to the window, sun shining bright outside, breaking through the typical whitish smoke accumulated all over London's atmosphere. The cafè was one of those overrated places, charging abusive prices for a cup of plain coffee, walls painted in a very dirty shade of cream, matching the fancy cups (the owner would never admit it, but Emerson knew they were bought in Walmart, part of a special edition paying homage to Duke William and Duchess Kate wedding), wooden floor well polished, and secondhand machines.

– Why do we insist in coming here anyways? There is nothing special or marvelously tasty, and the prices are salty, even for my rich ass. - Yoongi said, listening the annoying creek sound from the old, and possibly thriftshopped, brown chair.

– Because it's small, quiet and mainly because your fans won't flash boobs outside the window, since they would never imagine rockstar Min Yoongi having a coffee with his girlfriend in a place like that. - Emerson said, staring the street along with Yoongi.

– Yeah, that day we went to Starbucks was insane. Who would imagine someone is actually willing to lift the blouse and get arrested in exchange of an autograph? - Yoongi said and chuckled.

– That day was intense and weird. Her boobs were beautiful, though. Round and symmetrical. Your face tattooed on the nipples also looked good. - Emerson said and smirked in a dorky way, leading Yoongi to chuckle even louder. - Who would ever guess that your nose has the exact shape of a nipple? The fan was a genius, we got to admit.

Yoongi left all the weight from his upper body heavy on the chair back, staring at the ceiling and inhaling deeply, exhaling and repeating. He swallowed a puddle of spit pooling on his tongue and looked back at Emerson, finishing her tea with a short sip and folding back the napkin.

– Fame is so good sometimes. Don't take me wrong, I love making music, being rich and travelling around the globe, but the occasional harassment bothers a lot. - Yoongi said tapping his fingers on the table.

Emerson reached his arm and caressed lightly the skin covered with a sweatshirt. Yoongi inclined to the side, laying his head on table, feeling his girlfriend's fingers petting his black hair. Sometimes words weren't required, silence had a lot to say, loud, actions could hold even more significance.

– I love you, cutie pie. - Yoongi mumbled, cheeks squeezed against the wood, but words still bright and clear.

– I love you too, Yoongles. - Emerson replied, still feeling his smooth wires against her skin. Soft touches coming from both sides.

Whoever saw Min Yoongi up spitting on a microphone, saying raw words about political struggles, sex, mental health, life and a few songs based on stories, possibly thought of him as a rough person. No one would ever imagine his soft side, everyone always glanced over and focused on Suga, not Yoongi. The opposition between personality shown and stage name enchanted and intrigued.

Yoongi only allowed a few people to witness his actual personality.

Opening up and letting someone unknown in his personal space, oh it always represented a problem to Yoongi. A lonely soul that hardly had friends, only close to a few people. Bangtan Lads represented friendship and family.

Namjoon, Hoseok, Jungkook, Seokjin, Jimin and Taehyung flew from Korea to England with him after achieving worldwide success, for the sake of their fame moving to a place rather connected to alternative rock sounded as a clever change. Seven korean boys, carrying a bag with worn-out clothes, instruments and golden discs. Simplicity and luxe. Millions of fans, artists and new faces, yet Yoongi only felt truly comfortable around his bandmates.

After a few months living in England, conceding daily interviews and working like horses in new musics, Yoongi decided to try and join a dating app. Hoseok met a few women through Tinder, but happily found Taylor, friends with benefits at first, but a few months later his girlfriend. Witnessing one of the lads glad in a relationship inspired Yoongi, he even paid for Tinder Gold, regretting immensely after two dates and realizing sex could be good, but lacked connections. He needed to connect with that person, deeply to a point where her heartbeat felt like music.

Lonely and slowly giving up, Yoongi felt his heart flutter when Emerson appeared like a butterfly on his eventful yet boring life. Emerson emerged from a calm life working as music critic for Rolling Stones, to the love of Yoongi’s life and his main inspiration.

Everything began when Emerson went to work and received the task of interviewing a korean band. Apparently someone was sick and everyone else had more important stuff to do. She accepted and decided to use the original agenda, adding a few questions and studying every member.

Those who believe would say it was love at first sight, a connection between souls. Not even a word flew across the room, but Yoongi felt butterflies on his stomach and heart beating faster. For a single moment, he even considered the idea of end having a heart attack, because in years no one ever made him feel like that. Emerson lost words and suddenly, there were only Emerson and Yoongi in a room, not the whole Bangtan Lads.

That same day they had dinner together. Chatted, danced and traded cellphone numbers. Instead of going back to his place, Emerson took him to her home and they watched a movie.

For the first time in a almost a whole year living in England, Min Yoongi felt a connection.

- x - x - x -

– I swear that Zeus’s nutsack is the best position ever. - Namjoon said and threw the notebook in Jungkook’s direction, watching him grab it and read all lyrics written down.

– And why should we sing about that? - Seokjin asked raising one eyebrow, expression deadly serious, grabbing his can of Coca-Cola and sipping from the white straw. - I love doggy style, but would never write a whole goddamn song about it.

– I agree with Jin, the world doesn’t need to know what you and Bárbara are up to. I never wanted to know. - Taehyung said and nodded in Jin’s direction, whilst curling a lock of brown hair on his fingertip. - Honestly, I think you need vacations, your ideas are getting cornier, hornier and grossier.

– Let the man live, you guys! - Hoseok said and took the notebook off Jungkook’s hand, being punched in return. - I don’t even know how the fuck is Zeus’s Nutsack, but if our smartpants wants to write about his experience, allow him to do so. - He gazed down at the lyrics on his hands and chuckled. - Sorry Joon, but this time I’m with Tae and Jin, I won’t sing it.

– Please guys! We are an alternative rock band who has three songs about sex, we need something to bring sexy back during the concerts or fans will feel bored. It’s been two tours since Jimin showed his abs during ‘Clarividencia’ for the last time. People are commenting on Twitter. - Namjoon said and pouted.

– Let’s vote. It’s a democracy, isn’t it? - Yoongi asked, emerging from his big and fluff chair and bending down, his upper body supported by the elbows firmly planted on his skinny thighs. - I vote to burn that shit and never mention it again.

Everyone in the studio laughed, except for Namjoon, he shrunk on his spot and turned the page, sketching and randomly drawing circles, looking for inspiration in something other than intercourse. Yoongi watched everyone leave the studio and sat beside him.

– Remember when we first recorded a full-length album and korean managers wanted us to become a pop? They saw potential in every single one of us, but wanted a profitable artist. - Yoongi laid his head on Namjoon's shoulder. - Thankfully we took our content and moved to an indie recording studio. Can you possibly imagine us as Bangtan Sonyeondan? BTS not BTL? We discussed the idea, and the first sketch of success wasn't the right one. Maybe that song is like BTS, a bit more of thought and time may turn it into BTL.

– Are you saying that I should focus less on the movements itself? The song is pretty explicit, so should I use better metaphors? - Namjoon asked, still not looking at Yoongi, but the older man saw a sparkle run through his eyes, like a lightbulb shining with new ideas flowing through his synapses.

– We can work on it later, right now I want to prepare a surprise to Emerson. Can you believe we've been together for 5 years already?

– Yeah, half a decade. - Namjoon said, sighing deeply. - What do you have in mind?

– I'm gonna propose. - Yoongi smiled, a gummy grin with feelings running off the edge. - I've been planning it for two years now. When we completed our third anniversary, Emerson wrote a post on her personal Tumblr about our relationship, mentioning a few situations and funny moments from day to day. That same day I wanted to make a song, but it's easy, within hours I could finish a masterpiece and the effort would be almost none, so I decided to step up my game a little and began writing a book. Poems about her, our partnership, my feelings, everything.

– It's really thoughtful of you, Yoongs. - Namjoon wrote a few random lines on his notebook and turned to look at his friend. - And some folks still dare to claim you are not a romantic guy.

In fact, not even Yoongi saw himself as someone surfing on romance, usually writing about politics and books. Focusing in feelings and matters related to relationship never appealed. He became responsible for most tracks talking about issues of immigrating from Korea to England, emphasizing that fame changed how they saw him, but xenephobia still existed. Bangtan Lads received a Grammy Nomination for ‘Golden Borders’, a whole album shoving in people’s ears how shittily they treated immigrants, but still wished from heart to live in USA.

Using ‘Golden Borders’ as the soundtrack, Emerson made researches and released a documentary about immigrants, showing the ridiculous racism and highlighting double-standards in how right-wing parties treated foreigners victims of war and those just running from economic crisis, but still wealthy. She also reported how politicians like Donald Trump vertiginously changed the meaning of “immigrants”, not differing someone legal from the illegals.

Yoongi was possibly the proudest boyfriend ever accompaining his significant other during the premiere of ‘Invisible: The Truth on Immigrating’. Emerson invited a few famous people who immigrated from their home-countries, along with “common” folks.

Maybe he wasn’t the most romantic boyfriend ever, but still knew how to encourage Emerson. During their relationship, Yoongi convinced her of writing two books, one script for a movie, produce two documentaries and demand her own column on Rolling Stones site. Whilst she inspired and gave ideas to two albums which earned them four Grammy Awards, abetted him into trying something solo, and produce for different artists aside from BTL.

Even though both of them worked massively with media, Emerson and Yoongi never thought about conceding interviews as a couple. Daily invitations for appearances in shows together popped up on their e-mails, but without discussing it they already knew the answer: No.

When asked the reason, Emerson and Yoongi agreed to keep their personal life, well, private. They already shared a few cute moments on Instagram and Tumblr. Why would someone want to dig more into the relationship? Snooping isn't good.

- x - x - x -

– In conclusion. Communism wasn't planned for over populated countries, or planets. - Jade said and chopped in two the turkey sandwich she was holding, taking a bite from one half of it.

Emerson shrugged her shoulders and nodded, agreeing with Jade. Accompanied by Shmailah and Zariah, they were waiting for the reunion with some other journalists from Rolling Stones. The weekly meeting for coming up with ideas to articles, reportages and new ideas for photoshoots to use in scheduled interviews, was about to happen, but only a few professionals were already there.

Usually, the boss bought some goodies to complement and cheer every meeting, but that day in question had food and sandwiches provided by a new diner across the street. They were lolling on burgers, sandwiches and chips, also milkshakes and cherry fizzy drinks.

– My article about nigerian culinary is going smooth. - Zariah said and took a sip from the vanilla milkshake in front of her. - That restaurant I contacted to ask for primary informations, the old lady sent me fried yams. I’m totally sending her a Christmas card and gift, and candy canes for her grandchildren.

– Great! It's so nice when someone values our work and spoils us with small, yet adorable gifts. - Emerson said and dipped one chip in the ketchup sauce. She was sitting curled up, knees touching her chest, not very excited. - By the way, mine about Bollywood is almost done, but I need some new informations. Can you help me, Shims?

– It's not right to assume I know a lot about Bollywood, only based on my bangladeshi heritage… But yes I’m a fucking Bollywood nerd and would love to help. - Shmailah grinned perversely, caressing Emerson's cheek with love, noticing that she seemed a little down lately. - What's up, Em? You don't seem very happy, not even surrounded by your best friends and a whole lot of free junk food.

The parallel conversation between Zariah and Jade quit, suddenly all three pairs of eyes were gazing at Emerson, who felt her cheeks getting warmer. She took another chip and started talking, whilst shaking the potato around, like a wand, before taking a bite and continuing.

– I don't think Yoongi loves me anymore. - She sniffed, swallowing the growing knot in her throat with chips. - We've been together for five years now, but in the last few months he's been a little distant. I know, I know, Yoongi sometimes loses himself inside his own brain, but not distant like that. Far, you know? We used to be so connected, now that connection seems a little faded.

– Oh Emerson. I don't see that happening, ever. - Jade said, bending over the table to grab her fries-less hand. - Yoongi seems so passionate about you. Whenever we go out in group, he only has eyes for you. Like, when Yoongi notices you barely had the opportunity to speak, he always tries to bring you into the conversation. Jimin already witnessed your boyfriend getting distracted and spend several minutes staring at his lockscreen, which is you.

– Totally agree with Jade. Not even dead Yoongi would stop loving you, he would probably find his way back into our spiritual plan only to make sure you are aware of his love. - Shmailah said, watching a shy tear run down Emerson's rosy cheek

– It's so complicated. In the past two months he spent days without showing up at our place, and not caring to tell where he is. Whenever he is around though, the office's chair receives most attention, since Yoongi locks himself there and if I try to get in, he scouts me outside saying it's something related to work. - Emerson tried to swallow the knot again, but now not even milkshake worked, and she sobbed. - Why couldn't I see if it is about work? When he was recording and producing his solo mixtape, I slept on the studio's couch for four days straight, trying to support him. I'd never do anything to ruin whatever he has been working on. We had coffee today at a cafè, but the experience felt so shallow. Small, verging insignificant, talk.

– I’m so sorry to hear that, baby. What if he’s been working in something for you? Like a gift and doesn’t want you to see and spoil the surprise? - Jade asked, raising one eyebrow. - You shouldn’t conclude always the worse, sometimes it is just something you can’t put immediately put together. Consider it and give time to time.

The conversation silenced in the moment everyone else invited to the meeting showed up. Seven other journalists gathered, including the boss, whose appeared holding another tray full of cookies and cupcakes.

– For what it seems like, that diner also has bakery goodies. - Jackie, also know as The Boss, said pushing the tray up on table. - I love so fucking much my job. Whoever don’t can totally stand up and leave, more cupcakes and chips for me, há!

- x - x - x -

Emerson had no time to think about her situation with Yoongi during the afternoon. Work consumed every disposable piece of brain cell, fulfulling a whole week of articles for her column and completing one reportage about self-made millionaires.

However, after leaving the building and heading home, the empty apartment made her shatter out and cry, sobbing and feeling a sudden urge to destroy something. Not only a random object like a glass cup, but something stiffier and harder to fix, like herself. In years working, dating Yoongi and being friends with so many great people, she never felt that need again, honestly, considering the idea of hurting her own body sounded weirdly appealing, after so much improvement, going back felt like a failure.

Maybe the past years left her brain so occupied with every new information, that negative thoughts had no actual space, a little tab in the corner that was muted by Yoongi’s voice. Now, without his presence and strong connection, Emerson silenced all other tabs, only listening to the one where haters were loud, depression and self-harm spoke freely.

Years of self-improvement faded within a pinch, a thin drop of blood coming from her thigh stained the beige pants, and Emerson left the small, yet painful, piece of skin go from between her long nails.

Weak and sobbing, she reunited all forces and stood up from the front door, walking slowly in bedroom’s direction, wishing only to lay down, curl up inbetween the duvets and sleep, ignoring any bad temptations, observing them disappear along with conscience.

Old monsters, some she saw as teenage ghosts, showed up. Emerson felt stupid for harming herself over such a small reason. Independent woman, smart, successful, amazing close friends, and yet the major breakdown in years was happening because of a man. What kind of mean joke could that be?

She wished so hard to pull herself together again, living happily and not getting to precipitated conclusions over small situations. That's it, maybe she was only overreacting. What if she is not? What if the connection between them is, indeed, fading? What if? What? What?

What was their mistake?

What was her mistake?

Was there a mistake?

Cruel trick her own brain was playing. Blackjack with sanity. Poker with happiness. What did she had to bet? Of course, Emerson conquered a lot in years, how much of that could she lose? Golden Globe? Literature prizes? All had her name embedded in wood. Friendships? Weekly night-outs proved that their bond didn't change within years. Why then only Yoongi seemed to slip through her fingers? The only thing she would miss the most, fading like smoke on the water.

Sometimes, the smartest, strongest, toughest people can go through menaces with delight and peace. Though, their inner monsters exist, and can seem small for whoever witnesses from outside, but a spider is a huge matter to a fly. Struggles and fears, perspective changes them.

Judging someone's feelings and fright isn't up to us.

- x - x - x -

That night Yoongi meant to crash down at the studio, but Namjoon showed up close to midnight, accompanied by his girlfriend, a small and chubby woman with wild brown hair, and also followed by Jimin and Jade, Jin and DiLayla. Their Instagram revealed that everyone had dinner, sponsored by a fancy restaurant trading food for audience.

– Why is everyone here grating me with the grace of your presence? Is there a party happening in my studio and I'm not invited? - Yoongi asked sarcastically, saving the new poem written before anyone could ruin it.

– Cut it out, Yoongi. - Jade said taking her thick beige coat off, leaving it on the black couch. - Don't you think you've been spending way too much time working? Stuck in your office or studio?

Her tone seemed mysterious, as if she meant something more than what was actually voiced. Yoongi felt intrigued watching everyone getting comfortable. Were they intervening?

– What is that? An intervention? I don't do drugs. - Yoongi joked, only him laughing, everyone else seemed morosed.

– See Yoongs, we were having dinner and suddenly Emerson became a subject of discussion. - Jin spoke trying to look chill, but very tense. - Jade mentioned that Emerson has been feeling a bit… Ignored lately. Bárbara and DiLayla agreed...

– Let me speak, love. - DiLayla touched Jin's shoulder and stood up. - Emerson mentioned to us that you’ve been working way too much, even at home, and she thinks you don't love her anymore. Basically, she feels like your connection is slowly vanishing.

– Namjoon told us what you've been planning for proposing to her, and honestly, I will take note and use a few of your ideas someday. - Jimin gave a side grin to Jade, watching how she blushed and continued. - But maybe, just maybe, you focused so much on something to her, that kind of forgot her? Not literally, we know you love Emerson with every beat of your heart, your maeum [마음, something like feelings], but you know, you can't starve a man before feeding him…

– What? Emerson is feeling neglected? - Yoongi asked, chocked and feeling his heart breaking.

Yoongi turned the chair around when tears verged to fall, not wanting to face his friends whilst crying. Jin, Jimin and Namjoon only saw him emotionally shattered in two situations. Feeling raw and vulnerable always made him uncomfortable, mainly being stared by people he had no intimacy, like his friends’s girlfriends, they were cool, but not close enough to watch him with guards down.

The young man hated this aspect of him. He despised how inadvertently his mind let things pass without noticing, facts around that could vastly affect his life, personal or professional. Having Emerson always picking up on him about unhealthy habits made it easier to don't die after spending three days living off hard liquor and olives, and overworking.

He wasn't someone mindless, or easily distracted, but Emerson helped him to focus in more than one thing at once, like working, but still resting enough, or channeling the best from every situation. Hiding something from her, avoided the warnings. Without realizing, Yoongi evicted his girlfriend from working aspects of him.

Maybe Jimin was right. He focused so much in doing something for Emerson, that he forgot to live with Emerson.

Goddamn it, Yoongi!

Namjoon looked around and politely asked everyone to leave the studio for a moment. He pulled a chair and sat beside Yoongi, caressing his trembling shoulder.

– I don't think I ever saw you crying over something so simple to solve. - Namjoon whispered, still petting his friend's shoulder. - You know nothing is lost and what to do is actually easy. The solution may ruin a huge surprise, but it is going to soothe a small injure caused by itself.

– What if Emerson has been considering to break up? Oh fuck, Joon! What if I ruined it all? - Yoongi used his sleeves to dry off his tears. - What if everything is so lost that not even all poems I wrote could fix it?

– See, a few weeks ago me and Barbs were talking about couples that gathered together along the past years. - Namjoon said and stopped caressing Yoongi's shoulder. - First, Hoseok and Taylor, then you and Emerson, Jade and Jimin, Di and Jin, me and her, Zariah and Jungkook, and Shims with Tae. I think we created an equilibrium in universe. Everyone is such a great and right match that if at some point one these couples break up, a new Big Bang would happen, cuz the mutual decision could ruin the universal balance.

“I'm not being far-fetched, I swear in the name of Stephen Hawking. - Namjoon spoke and made a cross in his chest. - Sometimes a long-term relationship can go through challenges. Two different people sharing a life of experience cannot live without occasional fights, bickering or arguing. We are human, even the most rational ones can be stubborn. All you have to do is insist. Although, it seems like Emerson loves you as much as you love her, so the only struggle here is distance.”

– You are right, but I’m still feeling like a sucker. - Yoongi snuffled, cleaning the coryza from his runny nose. - But as Emerson already told me, I should learn from my mistakes, then use it on an inspirational song, making my fans wander on what actually gave me the idea to it. - He grinned passionately and turned his cellphone screen on, staring at the lockscreen: a stunning picture of Emerson in Japan, smiling, using a flower crown and surrounded by cherry blossoms. - I love her so much.

Next thing processed by cameras around the building was a very hurry Yoongi grabbing his stuff, leaving a group of friends behind. A determined face, quick steps and then driving fast through the parking lot, tyres screaming like Robert Plant in the beginning of ‘Immigration Song’.

- x - x - x -

Emerson woke up in a startle after hearing the front door banging loudly. Still sleepy, she had no energy to stand up and check what was happening. Sleep whilst crying is exhausting, you wake up psychologically weary. After a few minutes and heavy steps, she heard someone calling her name, more specifically, Yoongi calling chanting her name.

She stood up, bringing one of the duvets along, and walked to the room, where Yoongi was crouched down, sitting on his calfs, typing something on the laptop he settled on the coffee table. When the man side glanced Emerson, he got up on his feet and hugged her, feeling his heart shatter with the small, yet present, dot of blood staining her beige pants.

– I’m so sorry. Forgive me, please… - Yoongi whispered, trying not to cry again, not before actually accomplishing his new goal for the night. Also, his mind was worried about the blood on her leg. - Did you hurt yourself, baby? Oh fuck, did you?

– Why? What did you do? - Emerson questioned feeling his arms around her, resisting before letting the duvet down and hugging him back. - I pinched myself a little too hard, but I swear it wasn't serious. Sorry...

– I was distant and absent from your life, and now you are convinced I don’t love you anymore. - He swallowed the knot on his throat, still trying not to cry. - It’s so dumb, because the only thing I love more than you is my music, but you are the inspiration for my work, so you are my music… And I made you hurt yourself.

– No, please Yoongles, it was a small relapse. Not worth of a fuzz. It won't happen again. - She felt his uneven heart beat against her ear, touching his chest. - Who told you that? Who told you how I was feeling? - Her arms quit hugging him, a tension running through both bodies.

– I don’t know, today I was finishing a project for you in my studio and Namjoon, Jin and Jimin showed up, they were accompained by their girlfriends. They told me how you were feeling and made me realize how far I’ve been, and how cold I acted earlier. - He seemed uncomfortable revealing his sources of information, but the truth would end up appearing anyways.

– Wait a second… - Emerson dried the single tear left running down her cheek and stared Yoongi. - Have you been working in something for me? Like, a surprise? A gift?

Yoongi shrugged his shoulders and nodded. His mind was hazy and the urge to just kneel and propose to Emerson without previous background was slowly taking over his guts. He couldn’t predict her reaction, since every brain cell were occupied on finding the right words. Fortunately, the woman grinned shyly and blushed, gazing down on the laptop.

They sat down in front of the open laptop, his arms around her shoulders. Yoongi sighed and pressed the ‘enter’ key, watching Power Point opening and a clear book cover appeared, mint coloured like his hair.

The book Yoongi worked for two years was almost ready. Whilst looking for good names and aesthetics a japanese word loomed from his pre-teenage memories: ishin-denshin (以心伝心) and his book title fitted like a glove. A compilation of poems and the last one, in Yoongi’s humble oppinion, the most majestic one was named after the piece itself. He planned on proposing whilst reading to Emerson.

– You asked me nothing, but I feel the need to explain what’s in front of you. - Yoongi cleared his throat, watching Emerson’s eyes scanning the screen. - My gift for our fifth anniversary was a book. I’ve been planning it for two years now, and in the last two or three months I reached the final details, which were cover and last poem. I never allowed you to see it, because I wanted it to be a surprise. I guess old habits never die, because during the time spent working on that book, I isolated myself from you and gave a wrong impression. Sorry.

– It's so beautiful, even though I don't even know what the title means. - Emerson said and sobbed, smiling through tears. - If the whole book is in japanese, then it would be good if you taught me how to read.

– Oh, cutie pie. I love you so much. - Yoongi snorted and kissed the top of Emerson's head, whose felt so loved, more than she felt in months. - It's, indeed, in japanese. Ishin-denshin, it's a kind of interpersonal communication, unspoken, but the understanding is still mutual. Something like, heart transmits what mind thinks. That word was a trend back in my pre-teenage years, never thought I would use it.

Emerson turned to look Yoongi. His eyes were watering, but no tears falling. She smiled, happily and kissed him. In months, they kissed plenty of times, but none of them had the same meaning as this one. It wasn't sexy or teasingly, if we are going to be honest, the kiss was salty with tears and, well, coryza. Emerson and Yoongi were slowly reconnecting.

The kiss stopped when their lungs claimed for air. After a few smooches, they got back to stare the screen.

– I love you so much, Yoongles. - Emerson felt a magnetic force making her back look for support on his chest, diminishing the space between them. - I know it's dumb, but I firmly believe we are soulmates, there is a supernatural connection between us, and considering the idea of losing you… it made me so desperate and sad. I know I would keep living, but my soul would never feel completed again.

– I know baby, I feel the same way, but instead of voicing my feelings, why don't you read a few poems I wrote? -Yoongi leaned and wrapped one of his arms around her shoulders again, smiling passionately whilst seeing skinny knees touching the chest, covered by a fluff light pink sweatshirt with ‘Treat People With Kindness’ written in a plain white font. He remembered the day they bought the piece of clothing after a Harry Styles concert in London. What a fun night, hanging around with him after the event. As Yoongi said earlier, being famous has its perks.

Emerson felt immersed in deep feelings, some of them not even voiced during their relationship. Yoongi wrote small poems about every aspect of her: from her cute moles, to how he loved petting her hair before sleeping, or how her voice was sweet like honey and face cute as a mochi. Everything, he wrote inspired by moments they shared, like the trip to Japan during spring, or New Year’s Eve in China. The first time Emerson tried kim chi and how her nose puckered when the spicy taste finally hit her taste buds. When she first attended to Bangtan Lads concert and fanchanted along with ARMYs, taking a few of them to backstage. Travelling to Brazil and messaging Bárbara instead of using Google Translator.

They lived so many precious moments together. Yoongi made sure over 100 of them became art through emotional poems.

The last one, named ‘Ishin-denshin’. She took a deep breathe, still sobbing with happy tears running down her face. The silence only broken by occasional snorts and chuckles. However, Yoongi was getting more tense, staring at her eyes.

Ishin-denshin

Once upon a time in the far land of England

A woman gave birth to love impersonated in flesh, blood and gold

No one knew how important she was and how lucky they were

Until chaos from Korea arrived and trapped her in maeum.

Connections can cross the border of space and time

Voices and signs

Touches and sights

You and me, hands holding tight.

Love is a matter of ishi-denshin

Ability to communicate from mind to heart

Open up on a gaze

Not a sound to be heard from mouth.

Thankfully chaos and peace mingle and complete each other

Yin and Yang united by their differences

Perfecting what was already sculpted with dust and water

Remodeling and always improving, resulting in brand new peculiarities.

Love and connections are the result of fighting

Nothing good comes easy

Nothing easy is good

Once you find balance, universe rewards you with love.

Continents separated us for most part of our days on earth

Wandering uneven, looking for the half that best fit our soul

Happily odds were and allowed what resulted in balance

Only imagining myself without you, even my brain in plain conscience feels afoul.

Don’t you dare saying you are not good enough

Cutie pie, you are unique like flakes of snow

Every drop has its own shape

Unique, you never see two looking the same.

My heartbeat is in sync with yours

Slow like when we sleep

Or when we kiss after a long period apart, tumbling in ribcage, rhythm vigorous

I thank everyday for finding my soulmate in a sweetheart like you.

Stay for as long as you want

I feel lucky only by having in my life as a constant

Luckily it won’t change much

When I finally make you a Min like me, everything mine will be ours.

When Emerson finished reading ‘Ishin-denshin’, Yoongi didn’t quite gave her time to think broader and stood up, pulling the woman together. Standing side by side, he kneeled in front of Emerson and proclaimed, among tears and sobs, holding one hand whilst looking for something in his back pocket.

– Emerson, after all those words you’ve read, would you give me the honour of becoming my Mrs.Min?

– The only possible answer is yes.

- x - x - x -

P:S I purple you <3

38 notes · View notes

river-phillips · 7 years ago

Photo

Determined to force herself out of her comfort zone, River suggests this ‘date’ gets a bit more lively with a trip to a club. She learns to let loose, and Charlie leans into it all and become an excellent dance teacher.

PART 1

@charliesfins

River felt the weight behind Charlie's words, even if they hadn't meant to put the sort of weight that River was feeling behind them. She gulped audibly. With all the talk of risk and sexiness, River decided to push herself out of her comfort zone. "Do you like to dance?" she asked, her hands white-knuckle tight on the steering wheel.

Charlie was thrilled River didn't want to go straight home, although she did seem really tense. Charlie hoped that was from nerves and not annoyance if keeping them around. They were pretty sure it was nerves. "I'd love to dance with you," they said. "Did you want to go out somewhere or just have it be me and you?”

River The addition of 'with you' made River blush even more than she already was. "I'm okay with either." That wasn't really true, but she'd do whatever Charlie decided. She just wanted to spend more time with them, really. "I just kinda...don't know how to dance. But I mean, it could be fun, right?"

Charlie found it adorable that River was so willing to so something outside their comfort zone. "I'm totally down with teaching you a few moves." Did grinding on someone count as teaching them to dance? "If we go somewhere with a party scene, we have the anonymity of being part of a crowd. I find I lose myself in that kind of situation, but if it's the kind of scene that would be too much, I respect that. Otherwise, it would be easier to hear each other speak while dancing alone, but we could end up with awkward silence if we like get too aware of ourselves or something." Charlie leaned back to give River more space to avoid making her feel pressured. "I am completely down for either option."

River was still gripping the steering wheel like her life depended on it. "P-Party...as long as you don't think everybody's gonna be looking at me weird?" She glanced over to Charlie with eyebrows raised, her face almost pathetically pleading.

Charlie leaned over to set one hand on top of River's. "No funny looks," they promised. Shifting back in their seat, Charlie couldn't help smirking. "If anyone stares, it will be because we look so hot. And we'll politely tell them to fuck the fuck off."

River Instead of tensing up more like she usually would, at Charlie's touch, River relaxed slightly, her grip loosening on the leather of the wheel. "Fuck the fuck off," she repeated under her breath with a smirk, nodding. "I like that." She started up the RV and took Charlie's directions to the club, her confidence waning a bit as she pulled up to the parking lot, but she tried to feed off of the confidence Charlie was giving off. "Well, here we are," she said, her voice literally cracking with nerves. "Lead the way."

Charlie waited for River to get out of the car and pulled her in with an arm slung around her shoulders. "Nothing to be afraid of. Do you have your ID? You're cute enough they might card you just to get a name." Charlie had their own, but somehow they usually managed to avoid getting carded. As they waited for the small group in front of them to go in, Charlie asked, "I know you don't drink. Is there something else you'd like me to get you? Most people won't pay us any attention. They'll be too hopped up on liquid courage to pay us any attention."

River relaxed even more with Charlie's arm around her shoulder, even if her stomach was still in knots. What the hell was she doing? "Yeah, I got it." She could hear the music coming from inside the club like a heartbeat, the place almost seeming to physically pulsate with the beat. "Uh, I think I'll just have water. I'm driving anyway." She shrugged, trying to seem casual as she could, even though her heart was pounding. "You can get whatever you want though. I don't want you to feel like you can't drink because of me."

Charlie Once they were inside, Charlie had to shout over the music. "No worries. If you want to wait on the water, we can dance first and leave it until after if you still want it." If River wasn't drinking, Charlie didn't want to either. It was less about obligation and more about wanting to stay in touch with what was going on. Charlie didn't want to get careless and forget to keep in touch with River's body language.

River just nodded to confirm Charlie's plan. Dance first, water later. God, the music was absolutely deafening. But they'd been right, the crowd was so caught up in themselves that nobody was even looking at her or Charlie as they moved through. She let herself be led to the dance floor, where she stood rigidly, moving her feet and shoulders ever so slightly, in a way that looked more like a twitch than a dance step.

Charlie watched River for a moment before moving behind her. Charlie put both hands on River's arms and leaned in close to be heard above the music. "If I do something that makes you uncomfortable, just let me know! The biggest part of club dancing is letting your hips move to the music." Head all but resting on River's shoulder to stay close, Charlie lowered their arms down to River's hips. "Back and forth." Charlie pushed gently with their hands to give her the idea as they also started to sway. "You will notice around us that the straight dudes barely move and let the girls do everything. That's no fun. It's much more exciting when you can work together." As they moved, Charlie tried not to let their pelvic area brush against River's ass in case it was too much too soon, but they couldn't help the occasional contact with how close they were together. " You doing all right so far?"

River let herself be moved by Charlie's gentle guidance, feeling that familiar pressure building in her center as their body brushed against her's from behind, shivers racing up her spine and down her arms, feeling like electricity at her fingertips. As she swayed her hips, she put her hands on Charlie's on her hips and swayed a little more freely, backing herself up into them so the light touches became more full, but not aggressive or intrusive. "Yeah, I'm great!" This was club dancing? Why had she thought it was so complicated?

Charlie felt a small shiver as River backed fully into them. "I can tell you're great," Charlie teased, leaning their head slightly to brush their nose against River's ear as they danced. It was a little naughty, but Charlie was pretty sure they could get away with it. They squeezed their hands slightly, enjoying the feeling of River's warm hands over theirs. "With just a little instruction, you're a natural."

River felt more shiver's as Charlie touched her ear, and God, it felt like her body was on fire. She continued to move her hips to the beat, turning around and putting her hands around Charlie's neck. Her rhythm was a little off sometimes, but it was easy to pick up the tempo again. Seeing the smile on Charlie's face made it a little easier to let go of herself, and she closed her eyes as she put her head back for a moment, feeling the beat thrum in her chest before opening her eyes again and looking back into their eyes with a laugh that was eaten by the loud music.

Charlie wasn't expecting River to turn around, but they laughed, ducking their head down toward River's. Charlie grinned at her, readjusting their hands to settle around her hips as they pulled River close. They were so relieved to see how much fun she seemed to be having, especially since she'd seemed so apprehensive about it. It took them a few seconds to get their rhythm in sync with River's, but once they'd accomplished it, Charlie almost felt like they could go all night.

River Being pulled closer made feel like the fire already burning under her skin had a log thrown on it, and it roared to life, seeming to move her hands on their own accord as they tangled in the mop of short hair on Charlie's head. The two of them had experienced a lot together with their mermish lessons and trips underwater together, but this wasn't something she thought she'd ever experience with them. She drank in their joyous expressions with hungry eyes. Every angle of their jaw, every crease in their lips...or at least, what se could see through the club lights anyway. After a while, she thought maybe her staring was a bit too intense, and she stopped her dancing for a moment. "I'm...thirsty!" she called out over the music, jabbing her thumb toward the bar as a visual cue in case they couldn't hear her.

Charlie tilted their head back slightly as River's hands tugged at their hair. Savoring the moment, Charlie made a small noise of contentment that was most definitely lost in the sound of the music. They happily continued dancing, and while Charlie felt a pang of loss as River pulled away, they understood. They followed River over to the bar and waited until the bartender came over. "I'll take a twisted tea," Charlie said, reneging on their earlier plan not to drink. It wasn't particularly strong, after all. They turned to River. "Still want the water?"

River nodded, panting from being so out of breath. She hadn't realized how hard she was dancing until she'd stopped, realizing she was sweating too. The bartender brought their drinks over and River took the water up and sucked it down in only a few gulps. The refill wasn't far behind, and she sucked that down too. She smiled over at Charlie once she'd caught her breath, grabbing her hair and putting it up in a bun, feeling the hair that was touching her neck was soaked. "I bet all this sweat is just utterly attractive, huh?"

Charlie drank from their glass, watching in amusement as River downed so much water so fast. "Sweat can be very attractive," they insisted. "Gives an idea of how much effort your partner is putting in. The best times usually involve some sweat." They winked before turning to look back out at the dance floor. "Liking the scene more than you thought you would?"

River did the trademark blush at Charlie's words, but brushed past them because in all honesty, she liked the flirting, even if she wasn't always equipped to respond in kind. "Yeah, it's okay. Loud though. And sort of overwhelming." She reached over and put a hand on Charlie's on the bar. "Glad I have someone with experience to show me the ropes."

Charlie "It is very loud," Charlie agreed, flipping their hand to squeeze River's briefly. "I'll gladly be your guide anytime." They sipped at their drink and swallowed down the last of it. Charlie took the opportunity to stretch their arms out as they watched the crowd dance. "Care to join them again, or are you ready to head back? No pressure either way!"

River glanced back at the dance floor. The thought of joining in that crowd again made her feel even more tired at the thought. "Nah, I think it's time to head out, if that's cool?"

Charlie nodded. "That's totally fine with me. Taking me back to my place?" Charlie purposefully tried to phrase the question in a way that could be taken as purely a question... or as an offer. They didn't want to play their whole hand, though, especially since River had already stepped out of her comfort zone once tonight.

River nodded. It sounded like an invitation was laced into their words, but she didn't want to assume...and didn't know exactly how to respond. So she just took Charlie's hand and led her through the crowded club and to the doors, getting to the RV in record time. "That was fun," she said as she started off toward Charlie's place. "I still have two left feet and no rhythm, but I think I held my own in there," she joked, shooting Charlie a sideways glance and a smirk.

Charlie smiled down at their joined hands and followed River out to the car. "It definitely was," Charlie agreed, offering a mischievous look. "I think you did pretty well. Amazing for a beginning." They laughed as they reached out to push River's arm, careful not to do it hard enough to disrupt her driving.

River was glad the atmosphere was playful, but the closer she drove to Charlie's place, the more tense she became. The uncertainty was almost debilitating as she pulled up in front of the building, and she felt sweat trickle down her temple even though she had the AC blasting on her from the vents. "Here we are," she said quietly, turning in her seat to face Charlie.

Charlie glanced over at River as she drove, feeling a bit self-conscious of the silence surrounding them. When River pulled in, Charlie offered her a reassuring smile. "I had a really great time tonight." They hesitated, feeling odd leaving it at that. "Can I kiss you?"

River 's eyes went wide. She was suddenly aware of every nerve ending in her body, feeling the air heavy around her. But she nodded in reply, maybe a little too enthusiastically.

Charlie couldn't help their smile as they leaned in. They decided to tease it out some, leaning forward and pausing just before their lips touched. After a beat, Charlie pressed forward again to press their lips firmly against River's.

River leaned forward to meet Charlie in the middle between the seats. The paused before their lips connected felt like an eternity, but when they finally met she felt that familiar feeling of fire and a gentle boil right beneath her skin. She leaned in hungrily, her hand reaching up to touch their cheek and cup it gently, her other hand still on the wheel.

Charlie couldn't help a chuckle against River's lips as she responded so enthusiastically. Charlie tilted their head slightly toward her hand, bringing one of their own up to River's shoulder. Feeling a bit naughty, they parted their lips and pressed down against River's lower lip.

River let out a sound of contentment, bordering on a moan, but not quite. Her breath hitched with Charlie captured one of her lips in their's, and responded by leaning in more, reaching her free hand over to unbuckled her seat belt to get a better angle. That free hand then found their arm, fingertips traveling up lightly from their forearm to their shoulder, then the nape of their neck

Charlie heard the seatbelt unbuckle and reacted accordingly, undoing their own and reaching to pull River closer. Since River's arm was already around their neck, it wasn't a difficult task. They bit softly at her bottom lip as their arms secured around River's waist. Charlie broke the kiss to lean back into the hand still tangled in their hair with a smile groan.

River As Charlie leaned back, River took the opportunity to put her lips on their neck, trailing feverous kisses on the tight pale skin. She could feel herself getting worked up, wanting to press her body against theirs and take them right here in her RV. There was a bed after all. But she stopped herself, pulling back and panting, feeling absolutely breathless, even more out of breath than she'd been on the dance floor. She pressed her forehead to Charlie's and let out a low chuckle. "I don't want to, uh...get too out of control, I guess," she said, before adding. "Not yet." She ran her fingers through their short undercut, savoring the feeling. "I don't want to rush whatever this is." The moment she said it, she regretted it, because goddamn, she wanted them so badly. She could be completely misreading the situation too. Maybe this was her only chance and she was blowing it? Maybe the 'this' she was feeling was really nothing and now she looked like a presumptuous jackass? A lot of possibilities surged through her paranoid mind all at once, and probably slipped onto her face as she searched Charlie's for reassurance.

Charlie let out a tiny gasp as they felt River's lips against their neck. This was building so beautifully, and Charlie felt a definite pang of remorse as River spoke. Eyes opening slowly, Charlie shoved that feeling down because it wasn't a fair one. Still blinking back to reality, Charlie took in River's words and worried expression. "That's okay," Charlie said, leaning in for one last chaste kiss. "I won’t pretend I won't be thinking about you tonight, but I can wait. I've found it's usually worth it." Charlie flashed another smile as they reached behind them for the door handle to physically create some space. "I had a lot of fun tonight."

River physically sighed with relief at Charlie's response. It had went much better than she'd expected. And the part where they claimed they'd be thinking about her tonight made her feel...weirdly good about herself. "So did I," she said. "We'll have to do it again soon." She smiled wide at them.

Charlie nodded, smirking as they added, "It's a date."

#chatzy #w:charlie #usfw #just for the last bit #and like barely lol

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theshyorator · 7 years ago

Text

Utopia - Part 2

Utopia is a fusion of numerous themes, such as cyberpunk, soulmate marks, and the supernatural. Inspired by Cristobal Tapia De Veer's music, Akira and Studio Ghibli (particularly Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke and Howl's Moving Castle), as well as @vesperlionheart Peridot, and @frostmarris Incantations (I could rave for hours about how good their stories are, and you need to take a look if you haven't already!).

Pairing: Sasori/Sakura

Rated M for strong language and violence

A/N: Now posted on ff.net and ao3! I also made a thing - what do you think? I’m planning on making a cover photo for each part! See the one I made for Part 1 here.

Please do not repost without permission and do not remove credit!

Recap

“Shit!” Sakura gasped as the pain rose to a new level and tore off her dress with shaking hands. She watched in transfixed silence as the irritation on her skin started to take shape. Red welled up through her skin and Sakura trembled as a distinct mark appeared on her solar plexus like a ghostly tattoo.

It was an outlining of a diamond with a scarlet scorpion in the center.

Part Two - Stirring the Sleepless

The pain was gone.

Sakura stood riveted to the spot in front of her mirror. Her breath hitched in her chest, and her throat convulsed on a sob. She couldn’t deny that there was witchcraft at work here now that she had the evidence branded on her flesh.

She threw up into her sink.

The shock barely registered as nausea wracked through her. Sakura leaned over to rest her forehead against the cold mirror. She felt hollowed out like she'd just puked all of her internal organs down the drain. She pressed her forehead into the glass, trying to rid herself of the feeling, and yelped when it fractured. Blood welled from the fresh cut, and she lurched back in bewilderment. There hadn't nearly been enough force behind her touch to break the mirror, but the sting told her that her injury was real.

Sakura brought up a hand to assess the damage, watching the multiple copies of herself in between the cobweb-like cracks in the mirror do the same. A surge of something danced across her fingertips, and a faint green light flickered in and out of existence, so quickly that she would have missed it if she'd blinked. The sting in her forehead vanished immediately, and Sakura wiped away the blood with a trembling hand. The wound was gone, and if it hadn't for the blood and her broken mirror, Sakura would have a hard time believing it had been there in the first place.

"What is happening to me?" she whispered, her voice cracking sharply in her throat.

Her dress slipped off her body and pooled onto the ground around her feet. She kicked it away and turned on the tap after seeing the disgusting state of her sink. Hopefully, the drain hadn't clogged from her vomit.

Her numb mind, she collapsed onto the closed toilet to remove her boots. They landed on top of the dress when she shook them off, but she couldn’t be bothered to rescue the fabric off the floor. She needed a shower. Her skin was starting to crawl, and she quickly stripped out of her underwear. She bit her lips viciously to stop the chattering of her teeth and stepped into the cramped shower stall.

The pipes groaned when she turned it on, and icy water dripped on her where she stood underneath the weak spray. The plumbing inside the building was ancient, and Sakura banged her fist on the wall beside the showerhead for the hot water. There used to be a tile there, but it had broken after Sakura's continued abuse, leaving behind raw cement. The shower sputtered and released an intermittent torrent of scalding and freezing water.

She came back to her senses when she ran out of hot water. Shivering, Sakura noticed that she'd been rubbing the skin on her chest raw. The scorpion glared at her, and she quickly turned off her shower and stepped out, dripping water everywhere. Sakura avoided looking into the mirror as she dried off and went through her bedtime routine on autopilot. She put on her sleepwear, brushed her teeth, and even put out a bowl of tuna onto her fire escape balcony for the stray cat who lived in the alleyway below. It wasn’t until she was sitting in her bed, her back against the wall that her focus returned. Sakura knew that she shouldn’t waste electricity by keeping her lamp on, but the thought of being plunged into darkness was more frightening than she cared to admit. She turned it off.

The sounds of shouting and echoing laughter rang from the streets below, accompanied by the heavy beat of bass playing from passing cars and the distant sounds of traffic and sirens created a cacophony of a city that never slept.

Sakura pressed her forehead to her knees and willed the tension building behind her eyes away. She focused on taking calming breaths, her ears piquing at any unexpected harsh noise.

Plagued by the thoughts of monsters lurking outside her bedroom, sleep was the last thing on Sakura's mind, and sitting alone in the dark did not help her overactive imagination. Did the red-haired man know that she'd witnessed everything, that she was now privy to the stuff of nightmares? Bile rose in her throat when she remembered how his threads had stripped that rich guy of his will. Even the monster that had dragged itself out of the shadow, its essence dripping off its body like it was diseased, couldn't compare to the horror of becoming a slave to one's own body. All it took was a flick of his finger, and another human had essentially become his puppet.

Minutes dragged into hours and hours turned into a new morning, and Sakura had a horrific crick in her neck when daylight forced its way through her blinds. At some point, the hubbub of nightlife had turned into the blaring of car horns as drivers stuck in morning traffic expressed their fury at being late for work.

Seeing the light brought a new sense of determination to Sakura and she chided herself for having given into her paranoia fueled thought so quickly. She slumped to the side with heavy eyes and stretched her aching body as she melted into her mattress. Unsurprisingly, she fell asleep almost instantly and drool smearing against her sheets as she started to snore.

Hours later, the sound of her phone ringing from somewhere inside the apartment jolted her back to reality, and Sakura felt truly rotten when she rolled out of bed to hunt it down. It was in the pocket of her jacket, and she peered at the ID with dry eyes.

Ino.

“Hey, pig,” Sakura said, clearing her throat when her voice came out cracked and worn.

“Morning, sunshine. You sound like shit,” Ino said happily. “How’s it hanging?”

“I’m hanging up if you’re going to be rude,” Sakura sniffed and staggered into her kitchen to drink some water. She drank directly from the faucet, vindictively holding her phone so Ino’s voice was drowned out by the sound of running water. It washed away the sour taste of old vomit and toothpaste from her mouth.

“Are you done?” Ino asked dryly, unimpressed by Sakura’s pettiness.

“Yes,” Sakura said primly.

“Good. Get your ass to the shop; I’m starting to feel depressed and bored,” Ino said, emphasizing bored like that was the worse crime. Then again, it probably was in her mind. Sensing Sakura’s hesitance, Ino pulled out the big guns. “I have coffee.”

“Fine,” Sakura sighed, cursing her weakness for a good brew. The Yamanaka’s had some of the best coffee in town. It was store-bought, but it never tasted the same when she tried to make it herself; Sakura was starting to suspect witchcraft. “I’ll see ya in twenty.”

“Bye,” Ino sang as she hung up.

“Witch,” Sakura muttered as she put her phone on the table. She needed a shower. The one she’d taken last night had made her feel greasy, and Ino was bound to give her crap if she saw the state of her hair.

Her tiny bathroom looked like a disaster zone; dried blood and broken shards of the mirror covered the sink, and her nice dress lay trampled underneath her boots on the floor. Sakura kicked the clothing out of the bathroom, so she had room to walk around. She suffered through another freezing shower, quickly lathering her hair with shampoo and jumped out the moment the suds were gone. There was no hiding the bags underneath her eyes, and Sakura sniffed at her reflection in the shattered remnants of her mirror. She felt refreshed but didn’t look it; her bloodshot eyes and pallor were not helping her with the case that she was trying to make against herself, she did not appear fine in the least.

She lowered the towel from her chest. The mark was still there. Sakura blew out her cheeks and poked at it. The pain from yesterday was nowhere to be found, and it felt like any other part of her skin. She wondered if she could do the same trick as she did yesterday with her fingers and heal it. Trying to dredge up the force she’d experienced yesterday, Sakura stared at her fingers, willing the green light to flicker into life. Nothing happened. There was no surge of inexplicable power and Sakura was left feeling silly.

Shaking her head at herself, Sakura decided that it was for the best. There was no need to open that can of worms again. She grabbed her boots off the floor on her way out, leaving the mess in her sink to clean later, and pulled on a black thermal shirt and a pair of sweatpants, desiring comfort over looks; Ino could cry in a corner over her fashion choices this time.

A single coin lay on the last step of her stairwell which someone must have dropped or forgotten. Sakura took it as a sign that the odds were in her favor today and bent down to pick it up. She stuck it into her pocket and continued on her way with a new spring in her step.

She’d decided against driving her bike to Ino because the traffic during the afternoon was especially dreadful. There was always traffic, the price of living in such an overpopulated city, but it grew even more chaotic when people were eager to get home from work. As a pedestrian, Sakura was able to walk faster than the sluggish line of moving cars. Their continuous and futile honking was getting on her nerves though, and Sakura huddled deeper into her coat as it started to drizzle. Tendrils of the weak March sun tried to push their way through the smog with little success.

Konoha was an odd district; it stretched well into the wealthier parts of the city, but it also made up the majority of the Fringes. It wasn’t the poorest part of the city by any standards, but it wasn’t as touched by the technological advancement as the other districts, especially near the Founder’s Village, which was deserted for the most parts.

The ruins of the village hugged the outskirts of the Forest of Death, which no sane person stepped into willingly. There was a reason for its gruesome name; tales of souls lost to creeping monsters and creatures were kept alive by the retelling of old wives’ tales and horror stories to young children in an effort keep them in line. Not that those tales had done any good to control rebellious teens, Sakura could attest to that, but people in these parts were superstitious by nature.

Sakura couldn’t help but wonder if there hadn’t been a grain of truth to the stories after all.

From what she’d had seen, nature was well on its way of swallowing the abandoned remains of civilization and Sakura remembered the night she’d visited those parts with her friends. They’d frightened each other with tales of ghosts and demons that were rumored to haunt the Founder’s Village and egged each other on to walk the streets and break into dilapidated houses. Nothing frightening had ever happened during those visits, besides the time they’d run into some squatters, but old her fears of being stolen away and eaten were starting to return.

Sakura shook away her morbid thoughts. There was no way she was going anywhere near that forest after what she’d seen. That ruled out taking the subway to Ino because it still followed the tracks through the old station there despite it having been years since they closed it.

She was waiting for the lights at the intersection when something odd happened.

It felt like a hairy spider was scuttling up her spine, and Sakura shuddered violently at the disgusting sensation. She looked over her shoulder and froze. There was a man with shaggy back hair standing beside a cart carrying mangos. Sakura wouldn’t have given the stranger a second thought if he hadn’t stuck out like a sore thumb. It wasn’t the expensive suit he wore, though the vendor was practically salivating as he shouted prices at him, or his oddly colored eyes that Sakura could have sworn looked yellow in the flashing lights of the vendor’s neon sign. It was the familiar thin white thread that was rooted to the back of his head.

He looked her way.

Sakura ducked behind a vending machine; her heart lodged in her throat. She was in deep shit, Sakura was certain of it now, and she had the feeling that this was only the tipping point of these strange occurrences. If she weren’t careful, she’d be the picking between the teeth of a shadowy beast before she knew it.

Peeking around the corner, Sakura hunched back when she made direct eye contact with yellow eyes. Fuck. She needed to get out of here and fast.

There was a tram station up ahead, and people were trying to cram themselves into the overcrowded wagon. Deciding to take the risk, Sakura dashed to it and jumped onto its rear as the bell rang to alert its departure. She wasn’t the only one hanging onto it, and no one gave her a second glance, but when she looked over at the fruit vendor again, she saw that the man had vanished along with his string.

She didn’t believe for a second that this would be the last she saw of him and she tightened her grip on the rail as the tram lurched forwards. There was a trickle of black sand that had somehow gotten on her sleeve, probably from the filthy wall she’d crept behind, and she brushed it away. It fluttered down like soot, but Sakura paid it no mind. She had bigger problems to worry about than some dirt on her clothes.

She didn’t notice when the soot changed the course of its descent like it had a mind of its own and clung to the back of her boot.

Sakura felt exposed hanging like this. Why had she worn her red coat today? It was bad enough that her hair was naturally an attention-grabbing pink; she might as well hold up a sign that said: ‘Sakura Haruno is here, please chew with your mouth closed if you decide to eat her!’

She jumped off the moment the tram was out of the neighborhood. The other drivers didn’t slow down around her and pressed their horns at her angrily as she darted across the street. Thankfully, she made it out with all of her limbs intact.

Yellow-eyes was nowhere in sight, and Sakura had to double back a block because her unforeseen tram-ride had taken her further than she needed. She walked down the street with a new sense of foreboding, feeling like she was stuck some deranged game of cat and mouse. She fully expected the red-haired man from yesterday to spring out at her, cackling like a witch, and put another curse on her.

Sakura rounded a corner, and the storefront window of Yamanaka Flowers came into view. The street lay along the edge of a suburb but wasn’t very busy today. There were only a couple of street vendors were inhabiting it. A homeless woman dressed in rags sat in front of a laundromat and disturbed passersby with deep guttural screams. An overwhelming number of mad people roamed the streets of Konoha, and this woman wasn’t the first to showcase bizarre behavior in public, but the reaction was always the same. The pedestrians were unanimous in their decision to ignore her; the eyes of the adults passed over her like she wasn’t even, but children had to be pulled away as they stopped to stare at her in open fascination.

She threw her head back again and wailed again, and Sakura was tempted to join her and cry as well, that is until the old crone swiveled around and hissed at Sakura with bloodshot eyes. Sakura took a step back but pulled out the coin she’d found by her building and dropped it into the woman’s ragged paper cup. She may be poor, but at least she had a house over her head.

Besides, the coin hadn’t brought Sakura any luck today despite her dire need of it, but it might brighten this woman’s day.

Her screams instantly died in her throat, and she looked down into her cup with astonishment. She seemed to shrink in size and bowed her head to Sakura once before turning and dragging her bag into the laundromat, presumably to use her new coin to clean her clothes.

Yamanaka Flowers didn’t keep any flowers on display outside the store but instead had a large window to showcase their variety. Sakura could see Ino behind the counter. She was tying together a bouquet of white flowers and looked up when the bell rang as Sakura pushed open the door.

“Finally,” Ino groaned in greeting the moment Sakura stepped into her store. She put down her scissors and pushed the bouquet to the side to plant down her elbows and prop up her chin on her palms as she gave Sakura an assessing look. "You look like shit.”

“I was promised coffee,” Sakura said with a calm she wasn’t feeling. She felt unbelievably stupid for having risked leading a potentially lethal threat to Ino's store. There wasn't much she could do about it now since she was here, but Sakura should get into the habit of thinking ahead for once.

“It’s in the back, you moocher.” Ino pointed her thumb over her shoulder and added. “There should be some chocolate there as well. I know that you haven't even had breakfast today."

"Thanks," Sakura said dryly.

"No, problem," Ino called after her.

The familiar surroundings of the dinky little room at the back of the store eased Sakura's stress. She had fond memories of sitting on the wooden stool that sat in the corner as Ino made them coffee while they gossiped or 'share intel' as Ino liked to call it. Ino had already set the coffee machine up, so Sakura only had to press the red button on the screen to turn it on. It buzzed to life, and a stream of black coffee trickled into the ready mug. The Yamanaka kept a mug for Sakura, a testament to how much time she'd spent here; it even had a cute little sakura blossom on the side. She plucked a piece of chocolate from the small bowl and let it melt on her tongue as the coffee machine signaled that it had finished its job.

Sakura grabbed another piece of chocolate for Ino before she joined her out front. She tossed it to her and took a tentative sip from her mug. Sakura let out a long sigh as the tension melted from her shoulders.

“Who are those for?” she asked Ino, nodding her head at the white bouquet.

“A grieving widow and mother,” Ino sighed, touching a fragile petal with the pad of her thumb. Sakura could see that there were faint shadows underneath Ino’s eyes and realized how taxing this must be for her. It seemed like everyone had someone to grieve nowadays. Ino straightened and cleared her face of any melancholy. “Hey, you still got that weird rash?”

“It’s just a bug bite.” Sakura shook her head. Her involuntary tattoo had already caused her a lot of grief, but Sakura couldn't help but be a little intrigued by it as well. It was better to keep Ino in the dark for now, or at least until Sakura figured out what was going on. Her inquisitive mind was delighted by the mystery it posed, and it was bound to be interesting to get to the bottom of its nature.

“Well, you’ll tell me if it starts spreading, don’t need you to start a new epidemic,” Ino said with a sharp grin, and Sakura rolled her eyes at her.

“I’ll let you know if I start losing my limbs,” Sakura bit back sarcastically.

“You better. That reminds me, I need to return our dresses,” said Ino.

“Where’d you get them?”

"Oh, Tenten's mom intended to put them on display, so I gave her our measurements," Ino said, and Sakura immediately felt guilty for having left her dress on the bathroom floor with shards of glass. Tenten was one of the few classmates Sakura had kept in contact with after graduation. There were only a handful of people who’d graduated in their year, Ino being another one of them. They’d all studied at Konoha’s Academy for Troubled Young Adults, but with a name like that, it didn’t surprise many that the dropout rate was higher than anywhere else in Konoha.

“I’ll bring it over tomorrow.” Sakura placed her mug on the table and played with the end of a ribbon. Ino started to pull together a new arrangement, this time with red roses and calla lilies.

"You haven't been to the Dojo in awhile," Ino remarked after a while. Sakura couldn't meet her eyes. Tenten ran a dojo with her two friends and old sensei which Sakura frequented in the past. She'd even volunteered during the summer to teach young women self-defense. The dojo doubled as a refuge as well, sheltering victims of abuse and getting them back on their feet again. Sakura had no idea where they got the finance to keep the place running for so long but had never had the guts to ask.

"Yeah, I've just been busy," Sakura said and even she thought her excuse sounded weak. The last time she’d seen all her friends in one place was at a funeral with two empty caskets, and Sakura wasn’t excited to relive her emotions by meeting the gang again so soon.

Sakura looked away and thanked the high heavens that she did. Her suited stalked was on the other side of the street. She quickly ducked behind a display of carnations and hoped that she would blend in with the pastel pink blossoms. It was too late, he’d seen her, and Sakura dropped down into a crouch. Ino gave her a weird look, and her gaze darted to the window to see what had her so spooked.

“Alright, what’s going on, forehead?” she asked with her hands on her hips.

“See that guy- the one who’s standing by the laundromat?” Sakura said, and Ino nodded, her eyes narrowed into slits. “I think he’s been following me.”

“The one with the golden eyes?” Ino’s frown turned downright vicious. They’d both had their fair share of men who refused to take a hint.

“Yeah,” Sakura affirmed. How Ino could see his eye color from across the street was beyond her, but Sakura was glad that she believed her without hesitation.

“Well, you better get a move on because he’s heading this way,” Ino scowled, nudging Sakura further out of sight. “Use the back door; I’ll distract him and try to find out who he is.”

“I’m sorry I lead him here,” Sakura whispered, genuinely worried for Ino’s safety, but knew that it would only be worse if they were to confront him inside the store.

“Shut up; you were right to come to me,” Ino said decisively and took her station behind the counter. The white-knuckled grip she had on her scissors belied her anxiety. “Now scram!”

“Thank you,” Sakura said and stayed in her crouched position as she scuttled through the store and into the back. The jingle of the front door warned her that he was inside when she stepped out into the back-alley.

“Hi, can I help you?” Sakura heard Ino ask in a cheerful tone as she closed the door behind her gently. Thinking fast, Sakura jogged further into the alley and jumped onto a closed dumpster before leaping up onto an empty fire escape. She climbed up quickly and swung her legs up onto the roof. It was slick with rainwater, and she almost slipped but rolled back to safety. Water seeped into the back of her jacket and Sakura jumped up with a growl.

“Fucking perfect!” She didn’t notice how the black soot that had been clinging to her since the tram station partially seeped off her as it got drenched, too busy berating herself as she rolled her shoulders to keep the wet fabric from plastering against her neck.

Struck by a sudden thought, Sakura went to the edge of the rood and looked down to determine which way her stalkers thread lead, positive that the redhead was manipulating it on the other side. She would head in the opposite direction. It was pulled taught from underneath the flower shop's front door, and Sakura frowned, already regretting her decision of leaving Ino alone with the puppet-man.

She hovered in a moment of indecision, torn between turning tail and getting as far away from her stalker and his master as she could, and to return to Ino's side. The decision was taken out of her hands when the front door opened and the man stepped out again. He didn’t appear ruffled from a fight, so Ino hadn’t resorted to using her scissors.

Sakura threw herself back with a gasp when his head back unnaturally and stared up at the place she’d been moments ago. How had he known where she was? Not willing to wait and find out, Sakura scrambled back and ran across the apartment block and launched herself up onto the neighboring roof. She skidded on the wet stone but kept her balance as she sprinted as far as the building allowed her. There was a five-meter gap between the one she was on and the next and Sakura through caution to the wind and launched herself across.

Her heart thundered in her chest as she rolled with her rough landing. The scent of cooking wafted towards her and Sakura realized that she was nearing the food district. There weren’t any more buildings for her to jump onto, so she quickly found another fire escape to travel down. She darted across the street and tried to blend into the crowd of people that was emerging from the entrance of a subway station.

The market was packed with people on the hunt for an early dinner, but Sakura knew her way around the place, having come here on the daily just a few months ago.

A loud bark of laughter had Sakura stumbling. The sound was so familiar that she made the unforgivable mistake of letting instinct rule her and a pang rippled through her chest when she recognized the aroma of Ichiraku’s ramen. Momentarily forgetting her pursuer, Sakura came to a halt when she reached the achingly familiar sight of the little ramen stand. The desire to push the flaps out of the way and see Naruto sitting in his chair was overwhelming. He would be eating his third bowl of ramen, laughing at his own jokes as he spoke to Ichiraku, and maybe he’d dragged a sulking Sasuke along.

The false hope fluttering inside Sakura’s chest was doused with frigid water when a stranger pushed the flap to the side. He was the source of laughter, and he and his companion waved to old man Ichiraku as they left.

Sakura backed away, tears prickling in her eyes at having been so stupid and her back knocked against someone’s chest.

It was her stalker.

He didn’t grab her like she’d anticipated or even give any inclination that he’d chased her across half the city. His hands stayed non-threateningly at his sides. Up close he looked like a shoddy imitation of a human; his hair was the only thing about him that seemed real. His skin had a wooden quality, and his jaw had deep gauges that ran down to his mouth like one of those ventriloquist dolls. Sakura expected it to unhinge at any moment and reveal his hollow insides.

His lifeless eyes bore into her. They were unnatural as well, with two horizontal lines stretching from his irises and through the whites of his eyes.

He didn’t blink.

“Excuse me,” Sakura said stiffly. He didn’t move and kept staring at her blankly. Thoroughly freaked out, Sakura shouldered past him and hurried back to the subway entrance. She apparently couldn’t outrun him, but she might be able to lose him there. A stream of people slowed her down as she thundered down the stairs but she broke off into a run when she entered the station. Security was a breeze after they’d installed a new scanning system and Sakura chose the train that was only a minute away. She had to sprint down an escalator, but there were plenty of other people in a hurry, and Sakura tagged on behind them as they created a way through the crowd.

The hot air from the subway and the smell of burnt rubber assaulting her senses as she made it down to the platform. Sakura didn’t think before she jumped into the nearest train and glued herself to the nearest pole. She had quick access to the door and a better vantage post to see down the entire length of the train. Fewer people were taking this train than she’d anticipated and a quick look at the sign inside of it told her why.

It was the Red Line; the only train that passed through the Founder’s terminal.

Yellow-eyes entered on the other side of the cab, and the doors slid shut. Sakura shivered, but he appeared content to stand there and watch her. The train lurched forward and picked up to a speed that made Sakura's ears popped. She spread her feet to keep her balance and stared back with a confidence she wasn’t feeling.

Much too fast in her opinion, the train started to slow as it came onto the rickety tracks of the old station. They didn’t stop, and Sakura could see that weed had taken to grow between cracks in the floors and walls of the platform. The roof was partially caved in, and the dark sky peeked through. In the distance stood tall trees, their thick canopies just visible in the pale moonlight. Fresh rainwater dripped onto the floor and created a small pool of grey water on the moss-covered concrete. The sweet, pungent scents that usually accompanied a thunderstorm tickled Sakura’s nose, and her mind started to fog up as she breathed in the smell.

Time seemed to slow down to a stop, the train barely moving, and Sakura blinked with heavy lids as a thin bolt of yellow lightning struck the pool on the platform. No one else seemed aware of the extraordinary image the light created. It shattered into a thousand pieces and melted into a mirage of colors that then split apart, each growing long spindly legs and morphing into individual shapes. Sakura felt like she was in the midst of a fever dream and her head tilted forwards as her vision swam. She’d never believed in any of the nonsense about ‘auras’ and ‘chakra’ that Ino was so fond of, but she took it back now; this was the trippiest shit she’d ever seen, and last night she’d seen a monster.

The beings raced across the floor, changing colors sporadically, and disappeared through the cracks in the walls. They vanished as suddenly as they’d appeared and Sakura’s head slowly cleared.

Her mind sharpened, and she became fully aware of her surroundings as the train announced its approach to its next destination. Sakura stood up when it started to slow down, a plan forming in her mind. It was time to lose Yellow-eyes once and for all; she was exhausted and beginning to feel the effects of running on an empty stomach for the entire day. Sakura walked over to the nearest door and watched her stalker do the same two doors down. The doors opened, and she pretended to get off.

She stalled, letting the flow of people surround her as they got onto the train. She could see his shaggy head bob among the crowd as he looked for her. Good, Sakura thought vindictively, letting the people getting off behind her elbow their way past her without complaint. The train chimed to signal the closing of its doors and Sakura threw herself back inside.

Yellow-eyes stood rooted to the spot, and she watched him grow smaller and smaller.

To be continued…

#Utopia part 2 #Utopia #not beta read #naruto #alternate universe #Sakura Haruno #Ino Yamanaka #sasosaku #sasori #supernatural elements #magic #soulmate au #my writing #cyberpunk #semi dystopian universe #konoha

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shrimpcache · 4 years ago

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Journal 3, 6/28/21

this time, from italy!

Its been a good, good time. I dont have to worry about anything; nothing exists here that must be dealt with immediately lest we face dire consequences. Ive been thinking it these weeks, but it just seems that life moves a lot slower where i am. I dont want to romanticize a country im only visiting, as i dont know the problems they face and the troubles they have to work around, but at least from my perspective, life here seems to be a life id enjoy living more. Perhaps if it wasnt so hot id change my name and move here. or maybe france, since i know more french...or sweden? Somewhere not north carolina, somewhere where the people are nice, somewhere where i feel i can be something. in north carolina, i am no one. I went to school and my teachers have already forgotten me, or they will soon. I was never enough to get attention; never good enough, never loud enough, and i could have been something to someone if anyone tried to spend the time to let me. But my melancholy of my perpetual lostness in the place meant to be my home isnt what i want to talk about; it’s always there, in the back of my head, and at least for now it can stay that way.

The buildings here are beautiful. Smooth stone with vibrant oranges and pinks and greens. The shutters here, solid wood, nearly all of them a rich and heavy brown, are real and they serve a purpose. During the day, the shutters stay closed as to let what little cool there is stay trapped inside, and to keep the burning rays of the sun out. The sun sets around 9:30, and by july, it’ll still be light past 11. But the wind between the buildings in the cobbled town is cool, and the water is spring fed, and a freezing mountain river runs down just a few minutes down the road. The mountains in the distance are lined with white, highlighted on their ridges and valleys, and the runoff over the rocks of the river is crystal blue. if it weren’t so frigid, it would be idyllic.

We stayed in venice for two days, and there was barely any tourists in sight. Few travellers due to covid meant the streets were bearable, and the shade from all the buildings and the wind from the grand canal made for great weather. Though, its only been reinforced in my mind that any beautiful street turns terrifying at night. So much safety in my head relies on the presence of a crowd; the thought that if i screamed, someone would hear, and people would come running. We went to these two italian boys’ house, and left at 3am after smoking some hash and drinking, but I felt completely sober as we made the 20 minute trek home through empty streets. It felt more claustrophobic with no one there, like my vision had suddenly closed up and the streets ceased to be connected. When i turned around out of precaution, there was a figure there. I also dont know why ive turned on my writers brain, but something about being here and not writing for however many months has me wanting to wax poetic.

Anyways. Here begins my scary story! If anyone besides me reads this, tw for sexual harassment.

So. theres a male figure behind us. We have our arms linked, both of us women under 5′5 and under 140 pounds, with alcohol and THC in our brains. I couldn’t feel either when i saw the guy. I tend to be paranoid, no matter what; when we were going to join the previous boys for a smoke, the whole time i wondered if these streets would close behind us, and they would remember how much we drank and the way we stumbled. But they were fine. We turned down a road to avoid the man behind us, and to my horror, it was a dead end. So we sat, and we waited silently, my friend holding her full metal waterbottle as a baton should someone round the corner to find us. We listened; footsteps echo through stone walls easily, so we assumed we’d hear when he passed. Silence for a minute. We continued.

He had waited. He was looking down at his phone, and when we reemerged, walking quickly, he resumed. After seeing the way we rushed, trying to leave him behind, desperately paying attention to google maps (without wifi, without service. No one was in reach), he called, “sorry! Sorry! im not trying to scare you guys! Sorry!”

we didn’t care. we stopped, and said, “Okay, then you can pass us.”

instead, he stopped to talk, saying we didn’t have to be afraid because he was gay (i dont think he was gay.) He said, “as my sorry for scaring you guys, i can walk you to the rialto!”

we didn’t say where our hotel was, just that we needed to get to the rialto bridge. for some reason, we didn’t say no, we know how to get there. Maybe we both had the thought that it was better to have a strange man than no man at all; the united states engrained in us that women alone are women in danger. and we felt in danger. As we walked, we tried to make conversation so that we didnt seem so afraid. We were gay too, our parents are the floor above us in the hotel (they werent. they were on another island), that they were waiting for us. Saying we’re gay too was a mistake, perhaps, because he took the inch as if it were a mile.

He started by saying he liked when women peg him. That he likes in it in the ass. We nod along, uncomfortable, not changing the subject for some reason. He stops after a while. We move through plazas, passing a few people, a group of police, heading towards the grand canal. I have my phone checking for dead ends the entire time. If he didnt want to scare us, why would he start talking about sexual things so much? that he liked girls who use strap ons? did he think liking anal made him gay? he was skinny, and my friend would flash her pseudo baton every time he stepped to close. we could easily beat him, but we didnt want that to happen.

We were close to the bridge when he asked my friend if he could come to our hotel and she would fuck him with a strap on. We both said NO, she said i dont have one. he said that she could just use her fingers. In my head, an escalation had occurred. It had gone from talking about his sexual preferences to revealing that he wanted one of us to do that to him; that he wanted something from us. that he was thinking about her fucking him. that we were suddenly involved in his desires that we hadn’t wanted any part of. It was my last straw. We quickened our pace, and i waved and said “We know where we are now. You can make your way back home, thanks for walking us!” and we left. we did everything but sprint; we went to our hotel and i could feel adrenaline under my skin, still buzzing. It made me feel sick. A few minutes later we agreed it had been sexual harrassment, talking like that to us when we spoke nothing of it, after he had approached us in a dark alley in a country we dont speak the language of. When i think about it i still feel gross.

But other than that, its been a great time! end of this journal for now, i have tax documents to attend to. oh what weird memories im getting here.

#journal #journal 6/28/21

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nhlhoser · 7 years ago

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On The Rocks -19

Part 18 Masterlist

word count: 3543

minor swearing

My own scent is quite ripe in comparison to my fading air fresher by the time I finally get into my car and the only thing in the air now being the mix of antiseptic and sweat - The sweat only being partially mine from handling all the gross men and hugs of celebration. It's a foul odor to a nose not accustomed to such treatment, having to spend a large quantity of my life in sports arenas watching my brothers lacrosse my senses are acclimatized.

A sense of nostalgia flooded my brain with memories of weekends spent hanging around arenas watching my brother play lacrosse or hockey- sitting away from my dad because he had a bad habit of yelling louder than the coach. My moms look of disapproval when I would come home smelling like an equipment bag from carrying my brother's things simply because I could.

My warm fuzzy moment lasted until my heart clenched at the other memories associated with the previous ones but weren't that of good times of love but of hate. My mother's disapproval didn't end at simple looks or glares, she had a burning hatred for my father and she would always make sure I knew it. She was a cold lady in contrast to my warm as the sun father. I could never fathom how they ever got together but the story is something to do with my Nonna's playing matchmaker.

Gripping the steering wheel, my knuckles turn white in an attempt to gain some stability over my rampageous memories that are usually repressed to the extent they don't even exist anymore. A couple of deep breaths reminded of my need to go home and shower but first I need a fatty burger and fries.

My phone buzzed on the passenger seat beside my over sized bag of McDonalds as I pulled into the underground of my building.

Steph: MAde iit HOOME, LOVE YOUUU

wait das for MITCHHHHHY but love u toooooo

sent 11:01pm

Chuckling at the drunk messages I grab a hand full of salty goodness shoving it in my mouth, arranging the McDonalds bag and drink to sit on the roof before grabbing my purse and work bag from the trunk. The hat I was wearing all night sitting on top of my bag made me stop and laugh.

The navy blue hat had the simple Leafs logo in the same shade making rather difficult to make out but the design that sticks out the most to me- would be '34' in silver on the right-hand side above the brim.

"Nice hat," Now makes sense.

Groaning I flick the offending object deep into my trunk grabbing my bag, slinging it and my purse over my shoulder. Grabbing the McDonalds bag with more force than needed I am off towards the elevator in my delayed embarrassed state- grumbling and mumbling curses.

The apartment is silent and dark when i enter still feeling the effects of embarrassment on my cheeks. Kicking off my black runners somewhere near where there are suppose to be, silently making my way up the stairs where the sounds of Steph shower running makes my ears twitch.

"So she's not too drunk," I sigh a bit relieved.

I drop off a box off 10 nuggets on Steph's bed with some sweet n sour sauce the shower still on in the bathroom across the hall, steam, and light leaking through the bottom of the door. The familiar scent of Stephanie's Lavender products hits my nose as I pass on the way to my room.

Laying in bed, my thoughts wandering into my past which brings a feeling that is anything but nostalgic, deep seeded sadness aches in my chest pulling memories of my mom into the forefront of my brain that I do not wish to recall, Staring up a at my ceiling for a moment longer I turn onto my right grabbing my phone off the adjacent table as still charges. I adjusted myself to sit against my head board so I don't unplug my phone.

12:00 am

Scrolling through snap chat stories the sensation of the win re inhabits my chest replacing the dull ache caused thinking too deep, viewing some the guys snaps and Steph's watching the game. Wide smiles take up a majority of the videos and photos. Mitch has a video with his mom dancing in the kitchen with his dad, William has many videos from the celebration in the locker room.

Checking my personal snaps-which a normal person would have done first- I have some from Steph and Sydney all of the game from the WAGS box or their wine glasses captioned STRESSED. Snaps from Will making fun Mitch or just dumb face.

The last one being from Auston. It's a photo of me with that damn hat blocking my face as I massaged out a cramp on someone's leg, The 34 was visible from whatever vantage point he had. The caption 'Always Knew I was your favorite' with a simple smiley face.

Taking a picture of a close-up eye roll 'Haha' sent at 12:14am . Locking my phone and resituating to be on my back again staring at my ceiling, this time a foreign feeling is occupying my chest cavity.

I didn't Mind it.

Am34 opened 12:15am

The next day the routine went the same as any other game but with a better attitude now that the Leafs officially clinched their spot in the playoffs. It was decided before the game that regardless what the outcome was there was going to be celebrations tonight because they couldn't last night.

I had no choice on whether I was going or not. Steph has decided for me and had put a case of red bull into my car and had insisted that I take a nap between the morning skate and the game. As I was asleep she packed me a change of clothes, shoes, and makeup that she would bring with her to Sydney where we would be getting ready with a couple other girls.

"Make sure you drink water and eat this so you'll last tonight. I will meet you in the family area after the game and don't you worry about the rest," Steph said ominously on my way out of the apartment shoving a bag from the Italian bistro café downstairs into my hands. The scent of a pasta entrancing my nose.

"CARBS! LOTS OF CARBS!" She continued to yell at me even as I was getting into the elevator. She sent follow up messages of excitement and further instructions to bring one energy drink in with me to drink as soon as the game ends.

This girl meant business when it came to partying.

There was some importance to the game that remained to be played if they won they would be facing Ottawa in the first round but if they lost it would be Washington. There was more tension right before the game when everyone was dressed than the morning during the skate.

This time I brought my own plain navy blue hat that was completely unmarked, it covered my still sore nose much better than the other one anyways- reminded me the fact I would need a thick layer of both foundations and conceal finished with a lot of powder and concrete setting spray.

The first period was uneventful but the home team was out shooting the visitors going into the second when James got the first 2 minutes into the period than the second 4 minutes after. They held the lead for 10 minutes until Columbus started to light it up much to the chagrin of the Leafs.

The blue jackets were winning 3-2 going into the third and it, unfortunately, stayed that way until the final buzzer where there was some useless roughing around the opposition goalies net before the players cleared the ice with disappointment still on their faces because even though they have their playoff spot they still lost.

Babs still tore them a new before a complete 180 about getting ready for what's to come in the playoffs, media come in like a wildfire and much to Auston's obvious dismay he couldn't escape them. The playoffs now in the near future the media was doubled and more demanding for answers the Media team standing near ready to shut the media down if they asked too much.

As soon as the media was ushered out of the room the guys that were being kept hostage by cameras and microphones flew into the showers to get out of the build. I was massaging out cramps sending players to at least 10 minutes in the hot tub. When I was down my duties and was about to help the physio I was grabbed by the shoulder and pushed into the staff area and instructed to get my stuff together by half dressed Mitch with a smirk- clearly under his girlfriend's instructions.

Exiting the dressing room through the side door and into the family area Steph stood waiting with an evil glint in her eyes with Sydney who was grinning wide an equally evil look.

"Let's get fucked up," The blondes cheered with toned down excitement due to the presence of surrounding people.

"Hope you drank that Red Bull," Stephanie teased as I lead them to the employee parking, having to flash my ID badge to open the door the elevator door and descended to my level. Stephanie was wiggling her ass around and Sydney was shimmering her shoulder to the beat of their own drums.

"You shaved your legs right?"

"and your lady bits" Sydney started and Steph finished cracking each other up, igniting a flame to my cheeks. Ushering the girls out of the elevator and towards the car with a scolding glare both giggling. Sydney calls shotgun but Steph calls AUX. Tossing my crap into the trunk the blondes get situated in the car, as soon as my butt hits the seat a can of energy drink is being pushed to my mouth.

Smartly, Sydney programs her address into my GPS so she doesn't have to yell the direction of the music blasted through my stereo, shaking the whole car. We were those people at the stop light where even though your windows are up you can hear our music. It's not as bad as I am making it out to be, I was dancing to the beat and singing my heart out like it was Car Idol.

I was ordered out of my clothes and into a silky blue robe when I entered the luxurious apartment. We were drinking as we were getting ready. It took a village to get me ready, Lexi Solof Connor Carrick's lovely girlfriend was curling my hair as both Stephanie was working on my face, piling on the full coverage liquids and powder onto my nose layer by layer until the bruising wasn't visible unless you look hard and with the proper light that the club will not have. Stephanie did my eyeshadow with dark brown and golds for a Smokey eye, a lot of mascara and a set of false lashes - my eyes were briefly glue shut.

"All you need is a hot red lip but we'll do lipstick just before the guys get here," Molly soon to be Bozak winked handing out flutes of champagne to everyone that was quickly chugged back in the least lady like way. Notice I am the only one left to get dressed Stephanie handed me the dress bag containing my mysterious outfit as I stepped into the ensuite bathroom.

I cringed at the tall black strap heels at first but quickly changed my attitude as the alcohol courses through my body. Slipping into the sexy but seamless black thong Stephanie packed I knew the dress was tight.

My outfit was hot.

it wasn't actually a dress because it was two parts.

I had one an off the shoulders black top that had specks of golden weaves through different areas that would sparkle if they caught the light in a certain way that stopped inches before my belly button and the skirt was a tight high waisted encil skirt with the same gold accent that stopped just below mid thigh, my stomach was exposed but I felt amazing.

Stepping into the bedroom out of the ensuite the room was completely cleaned of makeup and clothing. The party moved to the living room by the sounds of female laughter clinking of glasses. The now empty bag and robe in hand I re-joined the part with drunken female whistles.

"YES!!" Sydney chanted stunted over in her glorious heels stopping inches still shorter than me, she cupped one of my breasts with admiration on her face.

" You got a great rack!" She cheekily quipped. Laughing I adjusted my strapless bra back to comfort with a wiggle. A glass full of blue liquid was presented to both of us and instructed to chug. Without question, I obey I down the sweet concoction.

A mini party was had before the guys showed up, when the guys did come I was sat my back to the door on the couch with Lucy soon to be Gardnier talking about her love for Jake, It was the cutest thing. Her love was so raw and true in shown in her eyes and gave her a glow, a lot of the girls here had the glow to think about it. Their smiles shined so brightly they could light the room without the need of the light fixtures currently doing just that. There are about 7 girls here, I being the only single one. Molly, Stephanie, Sydney, Lucy, Lexi, and Jaz who was Kadris Gorgeous girlfriend. All these girls were beyond beautiful it was intimating if I wasn't already buzzed but they are also so warm and friendly.

I didn't turn around instantly being in a conversation with Lucy but as soon as they guys found their respective lady. I took in that the guys were all dressed in their game day suites but looked refreshed, some hair was still damp or at least looked that way. Morgan, James, William, Kasperi, and Auston gravitated to the kitchen for drinks. Glancing at my half full/empty glass of something Jaz mixed, I remembered I still need to apply my lipstick.

"Hey Steph, Where'd you put that lipstick?" I caught her attention instantly with a glamorous smile, she stood with Mitch the heels giving her a lift she comes to his nose but my own hear give me height on Mitch. Now standing 6'1" In the heels.

"See, abs are better than yours," Steph reference the morning at the hotel, earning a glare/pout from Mitch and laughter from the guys and I.

"Don't tease the poor boy," I cooed. Steph kissed her pouting boy who instantly swapped his pout for a smirk.

"The lipstick?" I urged sipping my drink.

"Oh yeah, here" She handed me the lipstick from her bra dropped the weirdly warm lipstick into my palm.

"The warmth makes it apply evenly I swear but Boobs are a creative storage place," She mused playing with the hair at her boy's neck who twitch with a giggle.

The lipstick added the final touch to my look for sure, but I had to work on now smudging it. I carefully downed the rest of my drink feeling the tequila burn my throat a little as I stepped out of the bathroom shaking my head with a bit of a cough.

"AMELIA. SHOT!" Mitch hollered out as I enter the room, everyone had a shot of tequila with lime in hand. One was placed into my hand in a flash by a grinning William.

"LET THE NIGHT BEGIN!" Sydney cheered raising her glass slamming the back the alcohol violently. Following her lead well being mindful of my lipstick I expertly slam it back, goose bumps instantly raising my arms as I bit into the sour lime my shoulder shake on instinct.

"Oh god, that was horrible," Connor groaned out queueing a laugh to bubble from my chest.

Everyone lingers around drinking and talking as I observe I can feel an intense set of eyes on me, looking up to be met with the dark brown and calculating eyes of Auston a smile/smirk combo tilting the edge of his lips up as he talks to Mo and Kasperi. I look away first, finding a conversation with Mitch, Steph, and William.

"Your nose looks great," William quipped with the slightest of knowing smiles and a wink, my elbow 'on reflex' went out to greet his side with 'oof' when I get to his side.

" You look amazing in general though," He added with a genuine grin this time, instantly a blush worked up my neck, ears, and cheek.

It was roughly midnight by the time we were piled into XL ubers to get to a high-end club where the rest of the Leafs would be already celebrating, someone the guys used they're status to get practically a floor for the team and who they wish is what I've gathered from being in car with The Bozaks, Marners and Myself sitting in the back slightly squished by Mitch into the Window.

Arriving at the club we drove past the insane line in the front down a side road to the back of the club to enter privately to the excluded area. Instantly greeted by security and club staff handing wristbands to everyone to get into the excluded area but also the other VIP areas, also taking the names of everyone (even the hockey player) for the cliche list.

I've been in clubs but I have never been in one as intensely luxurious as this one, to get to the area for the guys we have to take an elevator which has two guards in front of it on all floors plus one that stays in the actual elevator.

Getting wear the rest of the team is, there are way too many faces to remember but a lot are familiar which provides some comfort. An elegantly dressed woman yet slightly exposed makes rounds with rounds with food provided by the club and others have trays of alcohol that's cover by I believe the players? Steph had made sure I left everything but my ID and phone in my car much to my dismay.

The first while being in the club, everyone was all over the place talking to each other before people gravitated to booths others went to the main floor to dance. I was currently buzzed and listening to JVR tell an embarrassing story about Mo and his tooth and something about difficulty pronounces some letter at first. The drinks were flowing in me giving me a pleasant buzz as I listen to anyone around me that talks.

My blissful nothing doesn't last long before the twin terrors of Steph and Syd set themselves into the booth beside me both bouncing to the beat of the heavy bass to the loud music, Setting down multiple shot glasses before me.

"Drink! then we're down to dance!" The smaller blonde yelled over the music into my ear. Tossing the vodka shots down with a grimace I nod as they cheer drag me through the bodies on the VIP floor. The added alcohol added to my confidence as I stride with them instead of letting myself be dragged like a child.

"I'm just gonna tell Matt first," Sydney sober briefly rerouting our course to where her boy sits with Mitch, William, Auston, and Connors. Lexi sits in her Connors lap with a drunken grin. pulling up to the table with our own drunken grins.

"LEXI! we're going down to dance! come come!" Sydney encourages before turning to her man with a fire in her eye "You too stud," she shoots an obnoxious wink and a becoming finger, Matt is instantly pushing Mitch and Auston out of the booth to get to his women both eyes burning with desire- leaving his two rookies practically on the floor.

"Oh, Mitchy come come!" Steph sinks her manicured claws into Mitches bicep begins leading towards the exit via the bar where we all renew our drinks continuing to the elevator nodding to the security with cheesy grins plus a loose smile from Auston as we enter.

I observed the desert rookie from the other side of the elevator car as he has swayed to the music but remains tense, his dress shirt is slightly unbutton making his chain noticeable and glimmer under the lighting, and His hair slightly messy in comparison to the way it was slicked back earlier.

He caught my eye with a raised brow but my brain does do it usual melt down, I wink with wide smile showcasing my all teeth. His brows shoot up cause a laugh to escape as the door open and I am being lead to the dance floor with the girls.

Leaving him behind.

#auston matthews imagine #mitch marner #Amelia #on the rocks #482754

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