#iamnotdead

[lunatic-moss-studio]

Soooooooo……. I’m back. And also one day late, but oh well, here am I at least. Hi @alizzerrit 😊 #merdarkstory prompt: angelic

[complicaitlin]

I Am Not Dead

Hello, I am not dead. It has been actual literal years since I have used any function on social media, and in some cases actual years since I’ve contacted you – so this may seem a little strange. We’re all in this together, it’s weird for me too. I’m here to explain myself and hopefully open up the dark and abandoned highway of communication once again. You’ll just have to be patient with me.

It has always been apparent that communication/socialization (along with so many other things) is harder for me than some around me, but I’d chalked it up to being a minor character flaw. As years have passed this has proven to be a lot more than minor. I don’t have any answers yet, and without going into personal details what I can tell you is that any version of socialization is massively exhausting for me. It takes days to gear up for a single phone call. So any of you who have stuck around, I appreciate your patience. It may be through gritted teeth, and I may not deserve it – but I am incredibly grateful for you.

There’s no way to make up for my absence, but I hope what anyone can take away from this is that it’s not personal. If you haven’t heard of the “spoon theory”, the long story short is that everyone starts their day with different amount of spoons. You might start with 10, I only get 5. Tasks throughout the day from personal hygiene to work cost spoons. A “normal” person might make it through the day with a few spoons leftover, whereas I may run out of my spoons by noon. I highly recommend you take the time to look it up and hear about it from someone with more spoons available for that – but I have only enough spoons to provide you with another analogy. It’s going to invoke your inner 5 year old, and you’re welcome to laugh – but I don’t have a better explanation for what I’m experiencing right now.

All of the people or relationships in my life are like balls: Some are big and heavy, some are small and bounce, some roll like marbles. So I have to make sure I take care of my big balls and hang onto those (mom, dad, boyfriend), and around that strategically place some smaller – but still heavy balls (people I have to interact with regularly like coworkers and customers). Mind you, my arms are already pretty full, but we have to make room for friends that we don’t work with. These are going to be small to medium balls that vary from bouncy to solid. I am now full to the brim with no room for extras. When I try to walk and move around, balls begin to shift and fall. Sometimes it’s a friend with good bounce, and they’re waiting for me when I have an arm to outstretch and grab them again. Other times it’s a marble friend that has rolled away, and it takes crawling on my hands and knees while aimlessly sweeping under a couch to find them and bring them back. On occasion I don’t have the energy to find some marble friends. You might also notice that there was no mention of extended family, and they deserve time too. So I will confidently assess the situation and try to rearrange my balls as best I can to pick up a Grandparent or two, and I drop a few more. The big balls aren’t always safe. The bouncy balls aren’t always prioritized. It feels like everyone else’s social wiring came with a basket for efficient ball carrying, and I did not get a basket for my balls. And I would swear that there are some extroverts who have 3 or more baskets. If you have a spare basket – help a sister out.

For almost 7 years I was drowning. (Real hard to tread water and carry balls at the same time in case you were wondering.) I am not drowning anymore. I am not dead. But I have come back as an alien, and it frequently feels like I don’t know how to talk to people anymore. I have missed all of your birthdays, all of your graduations, new marriages, and new babies. It’s not your fault, and I’m so sorry. There’s just so many of you. If you haven’t heard from me, I still love you. I’m trying to do better. Just know you’re not alone, and we can work on getting a Caitlin Abandonment Support Group together if that will help.

In conclusion:

Congratulations

Happy Birthday

I am sorry

Thank you for your patience

I will do better – but please do not dispose of your patience at this point in the program

I am not dead

[damned-queen-of-gotham]

Jason: "Hey dollface! Do you know why we argue a lot?"

Y/N: "Mmm..."

Jason: "It's because..."

Y/N: "You say dumb things... You're rigth!"

Jason: ...

Y/N: :3

[georgiaponirakou]

•Losing weight• #theitdoesntmattersuit #mansuit #femininemasculine #androgyne #ifeelstrong #ajoke #identity #wrongidentity #ishootfilm #filmisnotdead #35mm #analogphotography #filmphotography #iamnotdead #selfportrait https://www.instagram.com/p/BvrhNdTgfg4/?igshid=m4q5cae8z27o

[blxxdyscarf]

Hopless

After years of quietness and shyness, Liu finally steps out. Opening himself up.” I am back...” He whispers kicking a rock..” Why did everyone leave us? What happened while I was gone... My friends have disappeared.. No one is around... Am I alone...again?”

[made-in-helvetica]

Hi everyone !

Okay no, I am not dead.

First of all, if you are interested in following my art a bit more, you can check my instagram account (and maybe see my aweful face pop once or twice) :)

Here goes the thing : https://www.instagram.com/madeinhelvetica/

Then THANK YOU ALL for the likes, the reposts and the comment. You are all wondeful ❤️❤️

To celebrate, I will answer to different questions I saw pop time to time in my pm or in the comment :

Can you give the full pages of your Stans adventures ?

Hmmmmmmmmm. No. Sorry. If you want HD version of it ask me pm but I won't provide a full version of ´em. Why ? Because I never made them full xD the cropped idea was to save a lot of time (and because I have zero imagination for writing content).

Will you do more stans adventure ?

Yes. 6 more. But dunno when. I was so happy to see other people draw them (and sometimes wayyyy better) that I didn't feel the urge to continue to draw they adventure. But it start to be itchy so I'll draw them in a near futur :)

Where were you ?

Dead.

Seriously ?!

No.

Awwwww.

I know.

So again THANK YOU ALL. I love you. I'll be back soon :) have a nice day

[aniavouloudi]

Pin.Hole.Thessaloniki.Back.To.

[jonnislater]

Just got the prints back from the first film I've shot on my cut-price 70s Pentax. It's fair to say that results were mixed (see pic 2). Still, very satisfying to use and I can only get better (??). Plus now I can rattle off some of these hashtags: #35mmfilmphotography #ishootfilm #filmwave #filmcamera #film35mm #filmisnotdead #iamnotdead #35mmphotography #vintagecamera #retrocamera #pentax #spotmatic #spotmaticf #supertakumar #france #paris🇫🇷 #toureiffel #pompidou #photographie #photos

[tahitianstarseed]

Talking to Heaven messages for Taurus #taurus #taurus♉️ #zodiac #zodiacsigns #talkingtoheavenmessages #talkingtoheaven #mymindisfree #iamnotdead #iamsorrypleaseforgiveme #doreenvirtue #jamesvanpraagh #yourbeloved #fromheaven #theotherside #messagefromspirit #spiritmessages #messagesfromyourlovedones #passedlovedones

[msavisuals]

Rex the Ranger... nuff said. #Artist: @rextherager #photography @msavisual . . #fashionphotographer #fashion #artist #music #vibes #msavisual #msavisuals #new #2017 #msafx #urban #graffiti #photo #photography #photoshoot #photooftheday #photographerlife #rextherager #alien #iamnotdead #issavibe #creative #imnotdead (at Wilmington, Delaware)

[gastonbertin]

#fiac #fiac2017 #galerie19002000 #galerie1900🔻2000 @galerie19002000 #artfair #paris #ingoodcompany #hansbellmer #victorbraumer #andrebreton #francispicabia #marcelduchamp #jeandubuffet #manray #rayjonhson #iamnotdead @fiacparis (at FIAC)

[justellx-blog]

▷ ▹ do we know each other? ◃ ◁

@iamnotdead-koreen

Era o dia de folga de Elle e ao contrário do que muitos poderiam imaginar aquilo não era sinônimo de um dia sem fazer nada senão descansar. Em fato ela ia trabalhar como no resto da semana, só que desta vez a suas próprias regras e onde mais se sentia confortável, nas ruas.

As pessoas da região já estavam quase que cientes do trabalhos que Elektra fazia. Mesmo que já tivesse arranjado confusões com a polícia por conta disto, jamais abriria mão de ajudar quem precisava. Os moradores de rua não tinham como arcar com consultas e muitas vezes nem podiam chegar a um hospital, além dos que sofriam nas mãos dos oficiais e com as outras mazelas que os afetavam. Ajudar eles era o mínimo.

Assim a mulher seguia pela rua mais afastada do centro, carregando uma pequena maleta com as ferramentas necessárias para realizar as consultas, além de carregar consigo alguns remédios caso fossem requeridos. Sem hesitar se sentava no chão gélido e conversava com as pessoas ali, ganhando a confiança até que deixassem que ela pelo menos ouvisse seus batimentos. Era fácil se distrair em seu trabalho, afinal, o amava, mas mesmo assim foi capaz de perceber alguém a observando. Uma mulher de cabelos curtos e belas feições, de alguma forma parecia conhecida, mas Elle simplesmente ignorou e prosseguiu com os atendimentos, cuidado do próximo paciente.

[vendetta-hq]

Como prometido, as últimas tasks foram alteradas conforme os resultados dos AC. Está tudo AQUI. 

@mayaeuterpe, @lilithbarbella, @imbrutus, @iamnotdead-koreen, @naleedraconi, @maksenjar, @blyenotblue, @hectolascius

Interessado em participar de novas tasks? Basta me dar a permissão, aparecer no meu chat privado e falar que tem interesse. Lembrando que em breve devo postar mais informações sobre o andamento do plot da central. Qualquer sugestão é só falar <3

[berkmegatron]

#Fanart #freddykrueger #wescraven #robertenglund #drawing #brushpen_drawing #quicksketch #sketchbook #welcometoprimetimebitch #youshouldnthaveburiedme #iamnotdead #elmstreet #anightmareonelmstreet #drawing_ink #dreamdemon #razorclaws #iamyourboyfriendnownancy

[iamnotdead]

“I can not wait for the change to come”

    My birthday is in 3 weeks. I feel like crap. I really really really deeply hate being ‘’okay’’, ‘’good’’, ‘’not-so-bad’’. And on all levels. I tried to convince myself the opposite. But it came back to my face like a hurricane: I am NOT satisfied with just ‘’okay’’. I want perfection. Not really. Perfection may or may not exist. What do I know anyways… The point is I want to feel satisfied with what I do. I should start by *not* lying to myself and *not* trying to adopt other people’s standards. They’re not me. I need to start all over again. Every single thing. I need to learn how to get angry, how to be happy, how to cook, how to play, how to work, how to love, how to ‘’self-love’’, how to be confident, how to be a good person, how to write, how to smile, how to sing, how to dance, how to feel, how to be. I need to learn every single thing all over again. It’s kind of a new birth, a new life. But I’m not really living behind who I was because it will make me who I will be and to that extent it’s part of me. I need to find myself, what I want in life, what I want to achieve in life, what I don’t want, where I want to go. I really understand today how important it is. I thought I understood because I “knew” it was important to know where we come from and where we want to go. But I didn’t. I didn’t know how important it is until I started to see where it leads not to know that. I, at least, need to know that I *want* to go somewhere. I know I want to live (otherwise I would’ve committed suicide ages ago, I know it’s not an option), I know I want to love, with all my heart, and god danm I want to be loved and feel loved. I want to feel. I want to succeed at what I’ll do. I want it so, so bad. So what do I do about it? 

Right now, I don’t feel like I ever did anything for real. I mean… I’m still here. I’m still here. 

I want to move forward. I want to prove me wrong for having thought that they were right. They said I was only good at school and now that this is falling apart too, I am falling apart? No way! NO! NO! No! I will *not* be that kind of machine. I will *not* suffer from ‘having been good at school’ wtf!? They say I do 1 step forward then 3 steps backwards. NO! No! This will not be my life. This won’t be all of me. I am a beast. 

There’s a hurricane living within me. It’s my strength AND my weakness if I let it be. It will destroy me if I don’t take control of it. I understand everything today. I will break again. I will fall again. I will cry again. I’ll make crisis again but never as before. Failure is part of success. I guess that’s why I’m not afraid of it anymore. Unfortunately, I think I’m terrified by success. How could it be right? If that’s all I want? I think it’s because I want it so bad and it requires so much… I should start by loving myself which means knowing myself. I need to get to know myself. I want. I need. I crave. Enough. I cannot wait for the change to come anymore. I need to *be* the change. I *need* to be the change. I will be my only saviour. Only I can do that. No one else. People they won’t help me if I don’t want to be helped. They won’t help me if I don’t help myself. I need to go kick some asses. I need to be a rock. I need to be my hurricane. I can’t depreciate myself like that. I mean I even hate the way I look. I don’t like my body. I don’t like my feet, my legs, my thighs, my hips, my breast, my face. Okay, at least I like my back and my hair. I’m not being pessimistic. I’m being realistic. And this reality is frightening, I agree. I’m about to change that. I really needed to put words on that. Now, I need actions. ACTIONS. That should be my word this year. WORDS AND ACTIONS. This is what will save me. My birthday is in 3 weeks and I want to feel awesome. I think I have the right to.

Huh, You bet it’s an happy new year.

Happy new day