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has-gilgamesh-doneanythingwrong · 3 years ago

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Adulation of the King (Gilgamesh x Gender Neutral Master/ Body Worship/ NSFW)

Word Count: 7.3 k words

Summary: With his tendency to dominate, Gilgamesh reigns as the leader of your relationship. However, you crave more; wishing to render him to a quivering mess beneath your hands instead. In a surprise twist in fate, your request to test out some Body Worship on the King of Heroes comes with some rather unexpected results....

Author Note: Ever since the day I read an FGO confession that read ‘I want to tenderly love every inch of Gilgamesh’s body’, I've always wanted to bring said concept to life. For him to yield his ego to pleasure...I really wanted to write about that! Yes, this is a fic in which Gilgamesh will be the submissive one. Please enjoy!

Warnings: NSFW (18+ Adults ONLY), Body Worship, Handjob, Oral, A lot of kisses, Insults (from Gilgamesh), Teasing, Dominant and Submissive, Vanilla, Foreplay, Second Person POV, Aftercare.

Notes: The master in this story is gender neutral.

Things were not meant to turn out this way; not in the slightest.

Not when he was the Oldest King; and you were naught but a simple mongrel. He was the infallible King of Heroes- the arbiter of all pleasures, with a form so resplendent that all would have no choice but to prostrate themselves before his magnificent prowess.

It was his duty to reduce his partners into a pliable mess, dominance plummeting them to the depths of submissive pleasure.

Yet here the two of you were, your hands massaging his flaxen locks of hair as if they were possessed with an ancient magic- or so Gilgamesh led himself to believe, for he could barely comprehend what kind of sorcery could reduce his entire being into such a crumbling mess.

But then again, he was resistant to magic. So then, what was it? What could be the cause of this unbelievable change- for mere scalp massage- a massage, mind you! - to be sending strange shivers down his body, for him to have to bite the inside of his mouth to hold back moans for the entire night; his usual vigour ebbing into an energy feeble enough to make him yell with frustration?

It was all too much for him to bear. If one was to tell him that your innocent suggestion would’ve led to such a startling development, he would’ve laughed right in their face; mocking them for their insolence.

‘...For such a mongrel to outwit one such as I... how utterly humiliating a farce this is.’

Rose-tinted bathwater reducing his mind into his haze; as you lay delicate kisses atop his temple whilst washing his face- Gilgamesh tries- and regrettably fails- to contemplate how you were able to reduce him to such a state within the first place...

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

“Gilgamesh...” Briefly parting from a rather intense, passionate kiss; you attempt to share your thoughts, heart burning with anticipation. “I have something I want to say...”

“What ails you, to interrupt me so? I shan’t wait. Replace such thoughts with my remarkable self instead!” Before you can even pipe up, he presses you deeper into the silken bedsheets, lips and tongue almost devouring you, entrapping your hands behind your head; as he lines a trail of saliva across your chest, lapping you up with his tongue.

Authoritatively claiming your body as his own, he continues to bend you to his will; reigning as the supreme leader of the relationship.

It had always been like this between you both, right from the very start. Despite gradually growing closer to one another over the course of numerous hurdles, vulnerability was still a major weak point within your relationship- especially in regards to sexual matters.

Although you enjoyed those scorching hot nights, bursting at the seams with lust; and loved yielding to his commandeering aura- as he marks you with wild bites- sometimes you craved for more- hungered to be the one standing at the pinnacle instead.

During sex, neither of you typically expressed how you felt; sessions feeling much more like a grand exhibition of debauchery instead of a romantic heart-to-heart. And it pained you, heart aching at the fact that such towering emotional barriers were still so prevalent within the bedroom.

Heck, glimpsing into the King of Hero’s tightly-guarded heart was a strenuous challenge even outside of the bedroom.

Did the two of you even share the same feelings for one another? No matter how hard you tried to search through your memories for signs of anything greater than just a mutual attraction for one another, you were always left feeling hopeless.

As he continued aggressively sucking and biting on you- as a means to assert his rampant desires- your mind drifts into a sea of thoughts, mulling over what it’d be like for him to be on the receiving end for once; images of him blushing adorably at your words serving as a rather unusual distraction from his torrid kisses.

Too absorbed within his own egotistical desires to notice your wandering mind, Gilgamesh is also in a world of his own.

‘If only I could make that a reality...’ Completely lost within the world of dreams, even the cold sensation of Gilgamesh’s jangling golden earrings can’t snap you back to the present. How would he react if you were to tease him? Would he blush? Would he resist your words, putting up a fuss? Or would he let you pleasure him, to expose the adorable side hiding within?

As you imagine him crying your name, as you softly fondle his length; you suddenly buck into his hips with all the force of a dragon, moaning Gilgamesh’s name loudly enough to catch him off guard. “S-shit...” Your voice had slipped out before you could even control it!

“M-mongrel?!” Scarlet red eyes stare into yours with surprise, clouded with confusion, as he finally releases your hands. “It is almost as if you’re possessed tonight. Enlighten me of the reasoning behind this occurrence at once.”

Harsh words hide his arousal from hearing his name moaned so seductively. ‘I never forecasted that they would be capable of such alluring moans...’

“Well, Gilgamesh...I have something that I’d like to tell you.” Taking a deep breath, you prepare to finally set such long-held feelings loose, heart hammering in your chest at his possible reaction.

It was now or never!

If you weren’t to expose your innermost feelings now, the chance may never occur again.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

“Well...have you heard of ‘body worship’ before?” Awkwardly broaching the question, you wring your hands together; body flaming with embarrassment.

Strongly wishing to be swallowed up by the ground, you struggle to look into his piercing red eyes. It was difficult to navigate one as unpredictable as the King of Heroes. ‘Who knows how he’ll react. Ugh...’

Trying to register your words into his mind, the king regales you- only to be distracted by how endearing your meek expression is. ‘Hoh...another unforeseen expression. Not bad...’ Amused by your squirming under his steely gaze, all records of your words fly from his mind.

Time slows to a lull, as the two of you stare blankly at one another; him being so taken by your reaction that he forgets to answer your question altogether.

“Err, Gilgamesh? Earth to Gilgamesh? Hello?” Waving your hands into his face, he snaps out of his reverie. “Ah, you’re finally back. I wonder what’s got you so distracted?”

“I-it was obviously because your enquiry was so dull-witted that I lost all interest at once!” It wasn’t because he was captivated by you, not at all! He was just bored, your face serving as the ultimate means of entertainment- or so he fooled himself into believing.

However, once he catches sight of your crestfallen expression; mouth drooping like a weeping willow, he sighs.

“Repeat your request at once, mongrel. Don’t keep me waiting.”

Wringing your hands together, you steel your trembling heart, masking your worries with a brave composure. “Have you ever heard of ‘body worship’ before? I was thinking that it’d be fun to try. How about it?”

‘Body...worship?!’ Were you going to erect a statue in his name, offering gifts and riches to appease his spirits? Unsure of what you mean by this, Gilgamesh tries to understand the phrase ‘body worship’ through his own cultural lens.

Reminiscing on humanity’s reverent prayer for the Mesopotamian Gods; with how they’d enshrine their statues within sacred ziggurats- he was completely flummoxed.

You weren’t attempting to make him your god, were you? As one who had committed himself to severing his ties with the gods in order to ensure the bountiful prosperity of humanity, he misconstrues your suggestion as an offensive jab at his identity.

If he wanted beings that would worship his every step, then he’d have millions of them by his side by now.

“How foolish, for you to propose engaging with a prospect as farcical as religiously worshipping me! I wish to have no part in such ill-advised designs. You dare treat your king like an ancient piece of memorabilia?!” Red eyes flaming with discontent, he leaps to the worst possible assumption.

“W-wait, Gilgamesh. Though some people do practice body worship in such a manner, that wasn’t what I was suggesting at all!” Things weren’t going to plan at all, his ego already riled up from misinterpreting your words. ‘This is going even worse than expected.’

“Then pray tell, enlighten me as to the inner workings of your mind at once!”

“It’s simple! To worship your partner’s body is to adorn them in love and affection, touching and kissing them all over!” Exploding with passion as you slam a weighty explanation as to how you desire to touch him, to whisper words of love, declaring affection for every inch of his entire body; his expressions vary wildly- ranging from shock, surprise, puzzlement, to finally... genuine amusement?

Shoulders shaking with hearty laughter, Gilgamesh knocks his head back within a truly buoyant laugh.

“FUHAHAHA! How utterly comical of you, mongrel! No wonder your temperament radiates such carnal lust tonight. It seems you’ve awoken some rather intriguing new desires.” The sheer brazenness of your words tickles him right within the funny bone, wiping tears from his eyes.

Impressed by such a bold declaration, your honest confession fills him with fascination. ‘It seems I have underestimated them somewhat.’ You knew how much he loved to conquer others, yet you were bold enough to attempt to push the relationship to new limits; growing evermore.

He can’t help but respect you for that.

Despite this, he remains unsure. If he was to accept your proposition, would he lose all restraint, relinquishing the control that he fought so doggedly to preserve? The mere thought of him surrendering himself to your ‘body worship’ fills his stomach with a tumultuous kaleidoscope of butterflies.

It was vital- no, essential that you delved no deeper than what he permitted you to see. To expose the bones and flesh lying behind such a divine visage would be besides him. If you were to have ulterior motives-

‘No. I mustn't toil over such wanton thoughts. The King of Heroes fears none.’ Shaking such brittle thoughts from his mind, he regains his kingly composure; deflecting his feelings by testing the limits of your courage instead.

“Err, Gilgamesh...you’re staring blankly at me again. Anyone home?” By the gods, did he accidentally drift off into a sea of thoughts again? Embarrassed by this, he clears his throat; reclaiming his usual demeanour, sharp red eyes regaining their piercing gaze.

“I must profess that I am impressed by your desire to claim me so,” The twinkle in your eyes as he says that is ridiculously obvious. “However. To dare to challenge one such as I- one who has discovered all of the pleasures basking within this vast world- is hubristic enough to make me laugh. What makes you think that your touch can satisfy one who possesses as much knowledge on sexual acts as I?!”

He really wasn’t holding back this time.

However, you expected nothing less from him. If there was one trademark feature of Gilgamesh, it was his tendency to put others down. Spurred on by his words, you counter him. “I’m not interested in competing against you. I just want to be the one to hold you within my arms this time. Is that so bad?”

‘Urk!’ His taunts were meant to break you, not further steel your resolve! Mind desperately searching for a powerful comeback, his response comes in a hurry.

“Hoh, how impertinent of you to request such a luxury; one that I’ve bequeathed only upon the worthiest of beings! As if I would bestow you with such wondrous alms, when you’re naught but a mere lowlife.”

Only a few beings from his assorted lifetimes were close enough for him not to mind them seeing his other sides. Nostalgically thinking back to a stunning algae-haired soul, a gutsy warrior upon the moon cell; and a rather sadistic mapo-tofu loving priest, Gilgamesh’s face contorts into a dastardly smirk.

“Don’t get cocky, mongrel.”

‘Even the strongest of mongrels would recoil from such words.’ How was that? Had he effectively pushed you away, protecting his frail heart from your courageous desires? As he regales your serious expression; a small feeling of actual guilt gnaws at his heart.

Had he gone too far? Worried that he had discouraged you from the concept entirely- his words belie a secret interest in testing this out -he opens his mouth to offer a backhanded compliment; only to be utterly stunned by your next words.

“You sure as hell know how to punch people where it hurts, Gilgamesh.” Exasperation marks your face, as you shake your head. “I’m glad that there’s people that you care dearly for, but I think you’ve misunderstood my intentions, yet again.” Hands reaching out to gently cup his face, Gilgamesh’s breath suddenly hitches in his throat- not because he likes it, of course!

“Though I would like it if you could open up to me, it’s fine if you don’t. What I’m truly asking for is your permission to let me have my way with you. I don’t really mind the details, to be honest. I just thought that it would be fun to be the dominant one this time.”

All of Gilgamesh’s blathering on about status, mongrels and sexual mastery made little difference to your feelings for him. “If you don’t want to do it, then just tell me outright; instead of arming yourself with insults hefty enough to rival your Gate of Babylon!”

It was honestly frustrating how he’d let his pride get in the way of being direct with you. Discussing these sorts of matters with him was akin to dragging your heels through mud- he was just so stubborn, walling himself within a prison of self-imposed rules.

“I care enough about you to respect your wishes, so respect mines as well.”

‘?!’ Astonishment washes through him as you smash his entire army of bluffs into tiny smithereens, reducing all of his conjuncture into useless pieces of rubble. “I-I have no intention of objecting to your request. It would be foolish of you to think that way. I was just...”

Think, Gilgamesh, think! How could he convince you of his interest whilst preserving his ego at the same time? “...I was just testing your worthiness as a subject of the King.” Gilgamesh mentally dives low enough to perfectly save his annihilated fortress of insults, desperately attempting to maintain composure.

However, it was far from a perfect save, thanks to the most damningly obvious blush burning his ears as he cranes his face away; distracting himself from the warmth of your hands.

“Wait...am I dreaming right now?! Y-you're consenting?” Now that was unexpected.

Typically, the two of you would spiral into long debates that would last through even the darkest hours of night- yet he had conceded so quickly that you couldn’t help but gawp in shock.

“It makes no difference to me what you do to my body, for pleasure is my domain. You shall do as you wish, for it shall bear little to no impact upon my unconquerable self anyway. Go ahead, mongrel. Serve as the utmost entertainment for me, failing miserably to arouse even a modicum of desire within this chest!”

He hopes that his intimidating laugh and cruel words will force you back into your place below his mighty throne, but the dozens of soft kisses that you begin to plant against his face startle him- yet again- into a dazed stupor.

Oh boy, he was most definitely in for it now.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Starting with his face, you stroke your hands through glowing fields of blond hair, that slip gently through your fingers- giving way for you to press a deep kiss to the crown of his head. “A beautiful crown for an auspicious king.”

“?!” Gilgamesh inwardly begins to guffaw at such cheesy words, formulating a witty comeback on that silver tongue of his- only for his mind to momentarily blank again as your delicate lips trace a journey through his firm skin; even going as far to rest them on areas such as his prominent cheekbones and fluttering eyelashes.

Those stunning vermillion eyes that could see right through you, amassing a font of infinite wisdom. Those neatly trimmed eyebrows that furrowed themselves into the most arrogant of contortions; those lips that would curl up into a dastardly smirk, a firm frown, or even a magnificent laugh- that nose that was always pointed up as he looked down on others...you loved them all.

Expressing said feelings via words- as well as enough kisses to drown his face within a mountain of them- a rather shaky retort finally spills from his quivering lips.

“Don’t think that such flattery will endear me to you, mongrel. It is a given that a face as resplendent as mine is all but impossible to resist-” What in the blue blazes were you doing, nibbling fondly enough on his earlobe to cut him off mid-speech? He couldn’t quite believe it himself.

“Most mongrels all but shrivel up before my immense radiance. You aren’t a-any different from them...” It was a given that humans would wither before such a terrifyingly beautiful golden presence (or so he believes); and you were not the exception to this.

“That doesn’t mean I can’t compliment you, though.” Your cool breaths fan his ear, as you playfully jangle his molten golden earrings. “The myriad of expressions your face makes, transforming that beautiful countenance of yours into such adorable forms...I could watch you forever.”

And you meant every single word.

“Hah...you’re such a simpleton-?!” You were now bearing down on him from behind- although he was certain that you were only facing him a moment ago! In addition to that, for you to now be positioned behind an area as exposed as his back left him feeling unguarded- but he’d never admit that if you asked.

He wanted you where he could see you- so that he could at least maintain some form of control.

“To move your face away from the king by concealing your form behind my back...are you too scared to continue? Hahaha, such cowardice is only to be expected.” Only words could protect his ego now.

“I can see why you’d think that.” You breathe, gliding your fingers down from the base of his chin to his collarbone; tickling him with your feather-light touch. “But in truth, the reason why I’m behind you are because I want you to watch as my hands trail over your body- I want you to know just how worthy each and every part of you is.”

As you continue to ghost your fingertips along the elegant length of his neck, Gilgamesh’s mind boggles at the levity of your words. Certain that he’s the bane of not just yours but many peoples’ existences, with his contemptuous words, incomprehensible actions and snide remarks; your need to hammer in how worthy a person he is to you elicits a flickering thrill from deep within, delectable flames stirring up a frenzy.

“Hah, as if I need you to display to me the undeniable truth of what I am, mongrel! I need not your reassurance...” Ignoring the flames threatening to break his composure in two, Gilgamesh bats your compliment away- only then for an absurd tingling sensation to run its way through his body, thanks to you seductively suckling the base of his throat. “...It is a grave mistake to interrupt your king mid-speech!”

Taking pleasure in feeling the hearty reverberation of his deep, dulcet tones against your mouth, you crane your head even further past his shoulders; amused by the wild sense of bewilderment radiating within his charming eyes. “Sorry, Gilgamesh, but the delicious tones of your voice aroused me. I couldn’t help but kiss you...”

It was true- you adored his archaic tone of his voice (though his insults irritated you greatly). The way in which he’d wax such flowery prose at the same time as barking imposing imperative orders; how the words he’d weave sometimes stored precious pearls of wisdom; other times crude and callous thoughts...the tone of Gilgamesh’s voice changed greatly depending on the emotions that he wished to portray or hide, and you found great enjoyment within that.

As you blurt this out between kisses and soft flickers of your tongue on his nape, he almost concedes on the spot.

What was it that you wanted from him, to assail him with such a mass of inescapable flattery?! Was it jewels, treasures, or something even greater than that? Kneading your fingers through the knots anguishing his sturdy, armour-burdened shoulders; he struggles to bite back moans.

As you continue, pressing deeply onto the rigid parts of those deliciously strong shoulders, the irresistible waft of his scent filtrates through your nose.

Ah, his scent. That musky, spicy scent; that wrapped and comforted you like a comforting fireplace, heating you up through even the coldest of nights. Burying your nose against his back, you sigh, as you greedily continue to sniff all over his back with your eager nostrils.

“You smell so, so good...like a slice of heaven, providing me with a safe retreat.” Whenever he was to hold you in your arms, or guard you from danger; that homely smell would calm you at once. Shit. Now you were the one losing your mind! “It’s so intoxicating that I’m starting to lose control of myself.”

‘Ah- so that’s what this mongrel desires.’ If all you desired was a share of his luxurious perfumes, all you had to do was ask! He was the generous sort when it came to gifts, after all. “If your sole reason for this ‘worship’ was to solicit me into lending you my scent, you need not ask...not at all.” Even if you asked for the entire world, he’d deign to give it to you.

“You’ve guessed wrong, although I wouldn’t mind mingling your scent with my own.” He chokes at the shamelessness of such a euphemism, as you kiss the heat kindling against his cheeks. “I’m here for the entire package, you know?”

So, you weren’t trying to use him to obtain his perfume, then? The chaos swirling within his mind intensifies, truly bewildered as to what the true purpose behind this ‘body worship’ is. “Then what do you...” His voice reduces itself to a miniscule murmur, eyes drifting to your hands as they lace themselves through his bold red divinity tattoos- the ticklish sensation sending chills down his spine.

“Your divine markings are so striking, so interesting. Whenever I see them, I feel a strong urge to touch them.”

You found them cool, unable to rip your eyes away from the way in which the markings proudly emblazoned his frame. And the way in which they’d glow...you wanted to lick them right off his skin! However, Gilgamesh’s entire countenance freezes at those words, body clenching like a rock.

Aware of this sudden change, you peek your head around the side to see if everything’s okay.

“Are you okay? Are you not enjoying this?” You could sense it- his emotional walls had returned full-force, barricading you entirely. ‘Damn...looks like I’ve messed up.’ You wait for Gilgamesh’s response.

“Mongrel...do you only laud me for my divinity?” Face craned as far away from you as possible, as you retract your touch long enough to mull over his words- a somber jolt of pain flashes through his heart. He wouldn’t be surprised if that was your true motives behind this.

If you only admired him for his majestic abilities, historical lineage, and his shared connection with the gods as a superior being-

“Hmm? Well, I mean...your divinity is just another part of you. And I love all of you. So, it’s a given that I’d like that part as well.” Your fingers were now circling his budding nipples, whispering soothingly into his ear. “Now answer my question. Are you enjoying yourself or not?”

And with that, his protective layers come crashing down, nipples throbbing from the friction of your rubbing fingers. You were doing this simply because you wanted to. Not for any hidden reasons, nor as a means to wrangle something from him; but purely out of a hunger to touch him all over. As an ambassador of pleasure in all of its forms, how could he not help but be moved by that?

Head lolling to the side, as he grits his teeth to prevent any whimpers from escaping his mouth, Gilgamesh mumbles, “This is...not as bad as I anticipated it to be...”

Those caresses of yours that tactfully worked their way from his nipples to his entire chest, hypnotising his mind with your sumptuous motions...he hates to admit it, but this feels much better than he originally expected.

In fact, a part of him wanted more; eager to see just how far you’d take things. But there was no way he’d give you even the slightest bit of satisfaction in confessing his arousal- not over his dead body- but then again, those massages of yours are quite a deadly antidote to his silence.

“Gilgamesh, turn to the side.” What? Who do you think you are, to brazenly make demands of the king?! Frustration rises to his throat as he vows to knock you down a peg, only to be completely and utterly betrayed by his body, that spins in your direction as soon as you open your mouth.

Pressing hot, flaming lips to his chest- his heart thudding like a sprinter about to reach the finish line- Gilgamesh's head rears back in ecstasy, only able to reprimand your boldness with an insignificant “Don’t order...your king...” He inwardly curses himself at the arousal seeping through him, threatening to utterly destroy any semblance of self-control.

Hot breaths mingling with his searing chest, you mark his undulating muscles with passionate bites, proclaiming a love for that part of him as well.

“It’s comforting to listen to the pattering of your heart. Hehe, you really are cute right now, Gilgamesh.” Ending your exploration of his chest, you shuffle so that you’re face-to-face with him; his whirring crimson eyes at the same level as your determined ones.

“M-mongrel...” Hands now running lines down his lean yet powerful arms, he is aghast. Just how many parts of him were you going to greedily desire? ‘What overwhelming tenacity...’ It was akin to his all-consuming will, his staunch belief in carrying things out until the very end.

Unsure of how long he’ll be able to hold out against you, his heart skips a beat. Who would be first to fall- his ego or your desire?

‘I’m not sure I wish to find out.’ He definitely would be ignoring his clairvoyance tonight, for he didn’t want to know the outcome of this.

Lifting those well-defined arms into your hands, you honour them with kisses. Those arms, that were both ferocious and kind; those peerless yet tenacious hands that would proudly grapple with anything in their midst. Taking his fingers into your mouth, you pay careful administration to them through amorous sucking and licking, warm saliva melding with his skin; as you fearlessly stare him in the eyes.

A rush kicks up inside of him at such an unflinching gaze, fixated on your provocative moans, as your tongue voraciously tips his fingers to the back of your throat.

‘...!’ An audible gulp sounds from him, as he imagines your mouth taking in a part of him that was currently yearning for your touch- he's desperate to watch you choke on it, wishing to pummel it to the very depths of your throat-

‘By the gods!!! I’m as virile as the morning dew!’ He can feel it, swelling and throbbing urgently for action.

His cock is hard.

As soon as you finally cease your torturous ministrations on his hand, cool air reaching a hand that was once feverish with your saliva, Gilgamesh hurriedly cries, “Instead of tending to my hands, another area is in much greater need of your assistance!”

‘Wait, what?!’ Confused, you quizzically raise an eyebrow at his statement; surprised that he not only just admitted so openly to enjoying it, but now also craves for it to be done to another part of his body as well.

Delighted by this, a smug smile slowly works itself across your face; happy to hear some honesty from him for once. It was nothing short of a miracle, compared to the usual indirect riddles he tended to bemuse you with.

“What’s that? Did you enjoy it that much?”

‘Guh!’ Embarrassment washes through him, your proud smile alerting him to his loss. He had just done the unspeakable, by alerting you to his arousal!

Desperate to recover his usual tone of indifference, he trips and stutters over his words. “I-It’s the height of foolishness to perform such acts on my hand, when they could much better serve my golden phallus instead.” It was so hard to get the words out of his mouth, especially when you were stroking his torso so enticingly.

“Oh? You mean this?” Hand hovering over his leopard-print, budgie-smuggling underwear, you draw faint lines down his bulging cock, mercilessly teasing him. “Wow, that’s some really flashy underwear...” His daring fashion taste never ceased to amaze you.

“Y-you tempestuous...fiend...” Were you trying to kill him by refusing to tend to his cock, paying such delicate attention to his pelvis instead? How cruel, for you to vex him so! “Mongrel, tend to my cock...stop this absurdity at once!”

“Sorry, Gilgamesh. Let me taste all of your bountiful beauty first.” Hoisting his legs- that he can barely move due to the electrifying impulses running through his body at every touch- you tenderly kiss at his weaker spots, such as his inner thighs, marvelling in their gallant form. ‘He definitely never skipped leg day.’

“This is the height of folly- ah...” Did a moan just slip from his mouth?! It couldn’t be- it must’ve just been a groan of frustration. “Listen...to me...” Hips unconsciously bucking and rolling from the sensitive reverberations of your deep kisses against his skin, he concentrates the very last vestiges of his will into a cry of, “Mongrel! P-please...”

“Eh?!!” Instantly snapping your head up, your mouth gawped in horror. ‘Did he just say PLEASE?!!’

Now both of you were feeling incredibly bashful. As the owner of the prototype of everything in the world, Gilgamesh could have anything he wanted within a snap of his fingers. For him to say ‘please’ was mind-boggling; as unusual as a giraffe deciding to make a living in Antarctica.

‘Oh my gosh...oh wow...’ Struggling to conceal the joy of hearing such words, you instinctively clap your hands to your mouth, eyes wide with disbelief. As you take in his tomato-red complexion and sheepish expression, it finally dawns upon you how much your dynamic is starting to change.

Avoiding the hope glimmering within your eyes, Gilgamesh ducks his face as far away from you as possible; concealing it behind his hands. “I... I wish to feel your hands against my length. Desire it, even.” Never in a million years did he think that things would come to this, that his ego would be dashed so bitterly to the ground in the face of such overwhelmingly enticing pleasure.

“Mongrel...enchant me with that sorcery of yours. Right until the very end.”

“Gilgamesh...” Lovingly pressing your lips against his own, another moan sounds from this throat. “How could I ever say no to such honest words? Your wish is my command.” Gently looping his underwear from his body, a golden light begins to filtrate the room, dazzling in its intensity.

‘Ah.’ Your mind momentarily blanks for a second. ‘I forgot that his dick is like a golden lightsabre.’ Oh well. Lightsabre or not, it belonged to the king of your heart, and by damn were you going to lather it with as much affection as possible.

“W-wow, I forgot how shiny your dick is.” Gently taking it into your hands, you began to massage it; as Gilgamesh meekly loops his arms around your neck.

“Of course...my AUO Cast-Off is second to none- ah!” Craning his neck back, he whines as your grip becomes firmer on his cock, playing it like a fiddle.

“Haha, of course. You really are one heck of a guy, Gilgamesh.” As your warm chuckles send warmth jolting through his heart, Gilgamesh begins to worry that he’s falling for your charm. “Hey, Gilgamesh. Let’s get a little closer. Wrap your legs around mine.”

“...You really are...a greedy mongrel...” Despite his words, he obediently obliges with your demands, secretly delighting in the intimacy of such a close position.

“And you really are a stubborn king.” Breaths ghosting upon each other’s faces, lust flickers ferociously from inside of you as well- but you push it aside to dedicate all pleasure towards him instead. “You’re so strong-willed, sticking so steadfastly to your own ideals.”

“Hah...that is...without a doubt...” Fully yielding to the warmth of your touch, the ticklish sensation of your palms rubbing against his testicles harden him to a maddening degree. He can barely reply. “That is...what separates beast...from man...”

“Mn, I know. You’ve scolded me with those words enough times for me to remember them by heart.” Pumping your hands against his increasingly throbbing cock, you kiss him on the lips again- only for it return it so tenderly that you wonder whether he’s been replaced by a clone or alter ego.

“Ah, shit...kissing me like that isn’t fair. My heart’s going to explode with love at this rate, Gilgamesh...” It should be illegal for such an arrogant man to have such an adorable side! “The more sides you show to me, the deeper I’ll fall, you know?!”

“That was my intention...” Despite his flushed cheeks and heaving breaths, he still has the gall to wink mischievously at you- even whilst moaning from the thrust of your hands against his cock. “Fall...as deep as you like...mongrel...I’ll be there to catch you in my arms...”

“W-wow, I never expected to hear that...” Excitably pressing up against him, a deep whine escapes his mouth from the delectable tension of feeling your body against his own, as your heart swells with affection.

“From the bottom of my heart, I love you. I want to grow to understand you to the best of my ability, no matter how long it takes.” As he takes in the sincerity of your eyes; blazing with heartfelt emotions, he softly laughs.

“...Is that so...don’t get cocky...your puny mind...cannot comprehend such greatness...”

“We’ll have to see about that. Don’t go underestimating puny minds, King of Heroes.” As you move backwards to take in his cock, head bobbing as you ravenously devour it; he finally submits himself fully to the pleasure- mist clouding his vision as his body coils, unleashing a massive release of semen...

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

‘Ah, so that’s what occurred.’ Sighing blissfully, as the relaxing waves of the bathwater soak into his weary bones, Gilgamesh hums with appreciation as you continue to massage his scalp.

He was too far gone to care about how humiliating it felt for his indomitable exterior to be ripped away by your ‘body worship’, deeming it to be a rather worthwhile endeavor in the end.

Meanwhile, you were currently dumbstruck; shocked by how unguarded he was being around you. Currently leaning his head against your chest, eyes closed as if he hadn’t a care in the world- you were almost certain that this was none other than a reality marble. It had to be- for there was no way that he’d act like this in reality!

‘I mean, he’s never like this.’ In the past, he’d be the one attempting to call all the shots on who went where in the bath, the two of you debating over who deserved the best position. ‘Who is this man, and what has he done with that pompous king? Will I ever be able to see this side of him again?’ Mindlessly threading your hands through his damp locks of hair, you look to the sky for guidance- only to be distracted by Gilgamesh lifting a wet arm to gently touch your face.

“Gilgamesh?!” That sharp bite had all but disappeared from his eyes, softening as soon as you look down to meet his own.

“What afflicts you, to be gazing so forlornly towards the sky?”

“A-ah, well...I...” There was no point in lying to him now; especially not after the sheer determination it took to reach this level of communication in the first place. “I’m feeling somewhat overwhelmed. I’m really happy that I finally got the chance to tell you how I feel, but...” Clenching your jaw as a searing jolt of melancholy strikes your heart; you sigh.

“...I just wish I had enough memory space to save it all.” To reduce him to a quivering pile, hear such earnest pleads from his mouth and actually communicate for once during sex-it'd be a shame if such events were never to occur again. ‘I don’t want to relive those isolating nights...’

On the other hand, Gilgamesh had been suppressing an ensuing tide of laughter; the force of his rancorous howls of laughter almost splashing you out of the bath. “Fuhahaha! How pitiful, to lament yourself over such a miniscule issue!”

He splashes his feet hard enough to drench your face in water. “Haha, ‘wish I had enough memory space’ you say? What amusing candour!” Mocking the forlorn tone of your voice, he appears to be clearly pleased with himself.

“Don’t make light of my feelings, damnit!” Your glare has the opposite effect, as he wheezes like a gas pipe- clutching his sides for dear life. “It genuinely means the world to me.”

If only you could plug a USB Stick into your brain to preserve these memories for life.

Wiping tears from his eyes, his dulcet tones shift towards a more affectionate hue. “It does for me as well. Therefore, you should regain that spirited countenance of yours. Who says that these memories have to be our very last?”

“Huh...?” Warmth radiates from within your soul at these words.

“I shall permit you to express yourself to the utmost around me from now on, mongrel. To return to the previous stature of things would be nothing but a bore.” Coughing lightly, he instinctively looks away from the mirth pooling within your eyes. Your adulation for this king were like fine gems adorning his body, ones that never wished to part from.

“That’s...that’s great news!” Holding him within your arms, you grin. “I’ll be in your care from now on as well, Gilgamesh!” Who knows, maybe one day he’d eventually lower his walls as well. Until that day, you were happy to continue taking baby steps along this momentous journey.

‘Hoh...I could get used to this.’ Nestling himself within your arms, he was rapidly adjusting to your touch; comforted by your presence. However, his earlier claims that you’d never be able to ‘impact his unconquerable self’ or ‘ignite even a modicum of arousal inside of him’ return to his mind with an ugly vengeance, reminding him of how dreadfully erroneous his assumptions had come to be.

“...Mongrel.” As you beam at him with glowing eyes, guilt begins to blossom in his chest; recounting all of the malicious insults and verbose attacks he had hurled at you as a feeble means to protect his pride. “I have sorely underestimated your capabilities, and for that, I must apologise.”

‘HOLY SHIT!!! WHAT THE FUCK?!’ Did Gilgamesh just apologise?! The being who trod upon words such as politeness and courtesy- as if they were mere dirt under his shoes- had just said sorry?

At first it seemed completely surreal, until you remember the many blistering words that he had attempted to slander you with tonight.

An awkward silence booms between you both, stunned speechless by his change of heart- until he all but squawks, “Mongrel, do not leave me hanging here! Answer me at once!”

“Err...I-it’s about time you apologised! I get that it’s embarrassing to let somebody else take charge for once, but there was no need to go so far!” His expression relaxes again at your scolding tone, as if he wanted to be told off.

Truth be told, you had been so swept up in pleasure that you were able to ignore his words- but still. There was no need for him to be such an asshole.

“I was so eager to oppose you, that I resorted to acting as the devil’s advocate to hinder your courageous advances. I shall reflect henceforth.” There would be less dishonesty from now on, him vowing to encourage your efforts instead.

“You better reflect as much as possible! You can be so annoying sometimes...”

“Yet you still love me regardless.” A smug smirk works its way across his face from that. “Now which one of us does that make a fool, I wonder?”

“Both of us, of course.” Tenderly rubbing your noses against one another’s- as you lean down on him from above-the two of you make an unspoken vow; to move forwards together, hand-in-hand.

What was once an inequal throne now had enough room for two.

Savouring the bliss of your skin against his own, Gilgamesh lets out an appreciative hum. If this was the price of letting himself go, then so be it-

Oh.

So that’s why you were meandering endlessly about openness, expression, love and the like. A truly mischievous glint lights up within those carmine eyes; devious thoughts encircling his mind.

So there really was something that you desired from him after all....as the king of those ministrations, he’d ensure to lavishly pay you back in kind.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

“...?!” It all happens within a split second. One moment you were indulging within a comforting nose kiss, only then to be nimbly flipped onto the bath-floor- your positions now reversed.

Straddling you between his thighs, drops of water drip from his skin; the rippling waves of the bathwater serving as the only accompanying noise to such a sudden twist of fate.

“G-Gilgamesh, what’s going on-!!” It was unfair, for him to embrace you so passionately; your hands desperately clasping at his back.

“I’ve finally fathomed your needs. What you wish for is for me to wax lyric on your splendid form, confessing naught but the genuine truth. Judging on your insistence on honesty and vulnerability, there is no doubt about it.” Pausing from the kiss, pride fills his features at finally uncovering one of your weak spots. It seems as if he’s starting to understand you as well.

‘Whoa...did he just read my mind?’ The accuracy of his deduction was flustering, to say the least. “How could you tell...?”

“This display of yours made it infinitely obvious to find out. It’s impossible to get anything past one as peerless as I!” By this time, he was becoming closer, lowering himself until he was but a hair’s breadth away.

“Haha, I really can’t pull one over you, can I?” Relishing in the sensation of his hands skirting themselves up your thighs, you sigh. “Alright, I give. I’d love that...please. I want to hear your words.”

“Of course. What kind of king would I be if I wasn’t to reward you in kind for such pleasing devotion? I’ll permeate your very essence with my affections, so that you’ll never question your value in my eyes ever again. I am well and truly besotted with you, mongrel...”

His vows shone like a glittering canopy of stars within the night sky, never to be broken.

THE END

#fate series #fgo #gilgamesh #fgo headcanons #fate grand order #gilgablog #gilgawriting #fate gilgamesh #YEA BABEY! i feel like gilgamesh would be weak to tender affection

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sebastianshaw · 3 years ago

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House of M fic

( @sammysdewysensitiveeyes @the-home-kvetch Toad has a cameo in the second section and Pyro in the third. They basically disappear after that, though, then reappear at the very end for a brief but heroic mention , so if you only want to read those parts I shan’t be offended! I read a lot of stuff only for my own faves and then tap out, lol! The Gai are not Marvel canon. I needed some Generic Alien Invaders, so that’s what I came up with!) “So, now that you’ve seen what A.I.M. can truly do. . . can I count on your continued support?” Dr. Monica Rappaccini knew that she had taken a big risk bring a civilian to their Australian base and revealing so much of their operation here. But this civilian, a Ms. Radha Dastoor, given the moniker “Haven” years ago for her good deeds, had the same goals as her---human liberation from the boot of mutantkind. And what set Haven apart from so many other “sapiens” who wished the same was her resources; the woman was ridiculously rich. She’d already been a generous donator to A.I.M’s more. . .legitimate faces, mainly concerning supplying disenfranchised human communities with medicine, clean water, and access to education. And some of her gifts had gone to these, as had been promised, but many had actually been funneled to A.I.M itself for its more. . .radical usage. Indeed, Monica was willing to bet a fair few pieces in this very facility were purchased indirectly by the unwitting Ms. Dastoor. But she wasn’t unwitting anymore. Monica’s agents had been easing her into more and more illicit aspects of their activism. While she didn’t seem ready to condone violence, she had expressed that she did not condemn it in an oppressed people either, just has she not condemned mutantkind for the same before the world’s tables had turned. Monica felt in this woman a kindred spirit, someone who wanted to even the balance, to help the helpless, and who, despite her pacifist demeanor, understood more deeply than she let on that breaking--or blowing up---a few eggs was a necessary ingredient in that omelette. She just couldn’t say so publicly, or the Red Guard would have her head in a second. Even her peaceful, benign activism surely had her on a few watchlists just because of how prominent she was. But here, she could speak freely. And Monica thought she knew what she would say. Monica thought wrong. Now, if Haven had had something affecting her mind, say a demonic entity of evil and chaos speaking to her at the most vulnerable moment of her life, Monica might have more than likely swayed her. But being in a stable mental state — “I am truly sorry, Dr. Rappaccini,” she said, and to her credit she did look it, “But I cannot be party to this methods. I understand the desperation that has driven you to them, and I even admire the---” “How can you say that?” Monica demanded, “After all I have shown you?!” “It is because you have shown me, Dr. Rappaccini, that I--” Haven was cut off again---this time by the klaxon alarm blaring throughout the building. ***

The Red Guard was storming the base. The technological hurdles had been considerable to get over, but once those were overcome by the tech division---S.H.I.E.L.D’S mutant technopaths helped considerably with that---the sheer physical power of the agents was practically bulldozing the poor A.I.M guards. Agent “Toad” Toynbee used his agility to spring off the walls and land on the agents shoulders, jumping from on to the other, knocking them off balance with each landing, allowing his fellow agents to hit them while they were distracted. His comrade and friend Agent “Nightcrawler” Darkholme used his teleportation to scout ahead, Agent “Marrow” Rushman punctured organs and blocked guns by firing bone spikes right up the weaponry barrels, while Agent “Rogue” Darkholme and Agent “Diamond Lil” Crawley simply barreled and brawled their way through every body in their path like the bruisers they were. “Too easy!” Crawley bragged as she slugged one of the guards, who had practically been propelled into her fist by the thrust of Toad’s feet. “Precisely”, concurred Director Shaw gruffly, and he grabbed the nearest scientist before the cowering woman could flee. They were deep in enough that the brains the operation were starting to be sighted between the garish yellow A.I.M. suits. And unlike those suits, the white coats over office casual clothes worn by the scientists exposed skin. Just hands and faces, the occasional legs from beneath a mid-length sensible skirt, but that was more than enough. “Agent Darkholme,” he said, and though he did not specify WHICH Darkholme he meant, Rogue knew it was her. She removed a glove and brushed a single finger against the woman’s whimpering face for the briefest of moments. If Shaw wasn’t telling her to dig deep, that meant she didn’t have to, and she sure as hell wasn’t going to go sucking someone’s whole psyche into hers just for fun. But she got enough to confirm what Shaw was suspecting---a trap. “We gotta get out, y’all!” she exclaimed, the whites of her eyes widening, “If someone gets past the guards, there’s orders to blow the place to kingdom co---” *** The clearing that had once been green and dotted with trees was now scorched black, dotted with flaming wreckage of what had once been the AIM base and the bloodied, moaning remains of what had once been its members. “Save any survivors you can!” Shaw barked, “We need them for interrogation! And Allerdyce, get out here and get the fires under control! This is potoroo country!” Shaw, Rogue, and Crawley all possessed mutations that allowed them to survive the blast, allowing Nightcrawler to only need to get Toad, Marrow, and Pyro out, which he could do in one trip, albeit an exhausting one, and on to the safety of their jet. Thus, they were all safe, though Darkholme was winded and done for the day. Hearing Shaw’s command over his earpiece, Agent St. John “Pyro” Allerdyce made a swift thanks to his teammate and ran out to push the flames back from touching the rest of the forest. Potoroos were a protected species, and their safety was of utmost importance in the House of M! Meanwhile, Rogue and Crawley dug through the wreckage, the former tossing car-sized hunks of metal aside like pillows and the latter just punching a path through it, as Marrow pinned down anyone who attempted to flee using bone spears---through their clothes, since Shaw insisted on them alive—and Toad tripped them up with his tongue before pulling them back so their leader could place them in cuffs. “That’s all of them!” the amphibious mutant proclaimed proudly as the last yellow-suited AIM member—the last MOVING one, anyway---was hauled into the jet. “Clear out then” Shaw ordered, surveying the scene a final time. Something caught his eye. “Wait---Allerdyce! Those flames there, in the center---get them somewhere else, there’s someone caught in the center!” “Get them somewhere else, he says, like I can just freaking teleport them or some shit,” Pyro muttered, but he cleared the flames, revealing indeed something who had been surrounded by them. It was a wonder that her long hair and salwar kameez---yes, Pyro know the term for it, thank you---hadn’t been caught alight, but more miraculous by far was the way the wreckage encased her in such a way that she had been protected from harm. She just also couldn’t get out. Not on her own, anyway. Shaw strode towards her, flanked by the flames that Pyro had pushed aside Moses-style. He took the cage apart carefully, knowing that pulling out the wrong piece could bring the whole thing crashing down on the woman inside. It wouldn’t have mattered much to him if this had just been another AIM flunkie; they had more than enough for the Psy Division to scan for intel. But this woman. . . he recognized her, and he didn’t know what she was doing here---though he had a hunch---and he wasn’t about to let her be hurt. Not until he had the full story. “Don’t try anything, dirtbag!” Marrow hollered, coming to Shaw’s side as the last of the metal prison was removed from the soon-to-be prisoner, bones ready to hurl should she make one move that the mutants didn’t like. “That won’t be necessary, Agent Rushman,” said Shaw calmly, not looking away from the woman, to whom he reached out a hand, “Can you stand? Please, let me help you. There we are. Lean on me. We’ll have you treated for any injuries immediately. And. . . Radha Dastoor, it is my duty to inform you, that you are under arrest.” *** The AIM prisoners had been brought in, read their rights---such as their were---and the charges brought against them, given their prison jumpsuits, and put in holding awaiting prosecution after the Psi Division got through them. That was what counted for interrogation these days. The crude, ineffective ways of sapien grilling and guesswork were over. But Director Shaw still speaking with one of them personally. Just one. “Our telepaths confirm your story, Ms. Dastoor,” he said. The pair of them were seated on either side of a table. Shaw was still in his uniform. . . Haven, in her newly issued one. Orange was a good color on her, though perhaps not fitting in this amount. She was cuffed as per protocol, and while Shaw did things by the book, his eye twitched slightly at the sheer absurdity of it. But he did not remove them. He didn’t get where he was by making exceptions. “We know you were not knowingly in league with Dr. Rappaccini,” he continued, “But we also know that you did knowingly aid and abet several illicit activities.” “Yes,” Haven replied calmly, with neither coldness nor defiance, but nor any submission or remorse, “I did.” It was matter of fact, and perfectly polite. “Your forthcomingness strengthens the decision I’ve made,” he said, his own voice also matter of fact, though his was more frank and detached, “To advocate for leniency in your case. You have been cooperative, you have denied nothing---as some people do even when faced with their own memories as evidence---and, as noted, you were not involved in Rappaccini or AIM’s terrorist activities. Your crimes, rather, have been more along the lines of providing funds, food, and medicines to, say, illegal protestors. Given your history, I am inclined to believe you will not escalate to more extreme measures, and should not be considered a public threat.” “I appreciate that, Director Shaw.” “It’s not a gift, Ms. Dastoor. Merely my professional opinion.” “Nonetheless, I do.” “I do have to ask you now, because you will be asked on the stand---once you have served your time and are duly released, will you cease in all such activities?” “No, Director Shaw.” There was a long, grim silence. “Ms. Dastoor, I cannot give you my recommendation for a reduced sentence if I believe that you will re-offend.” “It would be very disrespectful of me to lie to you now, Director Shaw, just to help myself, after you have shown me such goodwill.” “There will be no goodwill, Ms. Dastoor, if you do not.” The conversation didn’t last long after that. He soon escorted her back to her cell. A private one, to protect her from the AIM prisoners. “You can ask the guards from anything within reason and it will be provided to you if possible. if you feel you have been mistreated in any way, get word to me and something will be done about it if your claim proves true. Shaw wasn’t bending any rules for her. None of this was outside the law, or even a gray area. It just wasn’t something he had ever told any prisoner short of the occasional foreign royal who had fucked up but still had to be handled with care to avoid political disaster. As Haven started to thank him for the courtesy, an alarmed voice called over the intercom, ”Director Shaw---the AIM prisoners! They’re all dead!” *** The one person that hadn’t been recovered from the base was the real prize---Monica Rappaccini herself. The assumption of SHIELD was that she had escaped before setting off the blast; the idea she’d simply been blown to pieces was too optimistic. In fact, neither was the case. Monica had a much safer plan than escaping the building---she’d stayed in it. More specifically, in a blast-proof container specifically survived to withstand it, which dropped down a shoot far underground where the bomb wouldn’t reach it anyway, and she wouldn’t be found by the accursed Red Guard. The fools---they hadn’t brought a psychic to sweep for any minds missing, but it wouldn’t have mattered, the tech was telepath-proof too. If only they could do that for the entire place, but alas, it was difficult, tricky, tended to only work on a small scale. But that was enough for her. Once the danger had passed, Monica emerged and got in contact with her best agent---Thasanee Rapaccini, aka the Scorpion. Monica’s daughter. In another world, her name was Carmilla Black and she worked for SHIELD, against her own mother! But in this world, Monica had raised her, and raised her well. She was a (mostly, usually, except for a hiccup) loyal agent to AIM and mommy dearest, and she wanted to see the mutant tyranny she’d grown up under fall as much as Monica did. But, like all teenagers, she could be a bit rebellions. Like questioning her mother. Something Monica would never have allowed her to do and survive if she hadn’t been her own preciously bio-engineered flesh and blood. ”Is that really necessary, mother?” Thasanee asked when given her new mission, ”They’ve already psy-scanned all the agents by now for sure anyway. What are they going to get from that lady’s mouth that they didn’t get from our guy’s brains?” ”It’s not about containing information,” Monica explained, ”It’s about public opinion. Haven can do more damage to us now than Magneto himself. She’s well-respected by the rest of the humans rights activist movement and even by many mutants. If she publicly denounces our cause, it will rob us of countless new recruits, funding, everything. She’s the most dangerous threat of all---a moderate. Do you see now? They’ll offer her a deal--leniency for collaborating with us, so long as she denounces A.I.M and everything we stand for. And people, even those who share our goals, our beliefs, will listen.” ”You really think she would?” Thasanee asked “I mean, all that good stuff she did for humans. . . maybe she’s just not cut out for our work. You’ve said yourself not everyone is. But that doesn’t mean she’d hang us out to dry.” ”I wish I had your faith in people,” Monica sighed, and it was true. She certainly wished she could be certain that Radha Dastoor wouldn’t do exactly that. But, she’d been so sure that Haven, who shared her cause, would join her and begin providing direct funding, and she couldn’t have been more wrong about that. So she couldn’t take a chance on Radha here either. ”And listen,” Thasanee continued, “If you’re worried about us looking bad, won’t we look WORSE if we kill her? I think that’s what REALLY would get people mad at us! Our own allies too! ”Thasanee,” Monica’s voice turned sweet, cajoling, truly motherly, as she put a hand on her daughter’s shoulder and looked loving into the girl’s green eyes, ”My beloved child. I know this is difficult to understand. But Radha Dastoor dying mysteriously while in S.H.I.E.L.D custody would be very, very good for our cause. A peaceful activist, a nonviolent offender, a model moderate. . .and after her arrest by the Red Guard, who claim such a person was in cahoots with a terrorist organization, she dies while in their hands, and they try to blame that same organization? My dear. . .connect the dots the way the Average Joe would, and see what conclusion it brings you. The kind that makes the opposition look like the monsters we know they are.” Thasanee was a clever child, and she clearly got exactly what her mother was saying. Her conflict was clear on her face, her lip twisting in thought, her eyes flitting doubtfully downwards. But she reached the right answer, as Monica knew she would. ”I’ll do it, mother. You can count on me.” *** ”So what happened to them?” Jessica Drew asked as Agent Darkholme---Mystique, who had not been on the earlier mission---returned from attending to the matter of the AIM agents dropping dead. ”Chemical implant,” Mystique replied, “Rappaccini must have put it in them when they joined up with AIM. Probably to “motivate” them if they ever get cold feet. Or, in this case, fail her by getting captured.” ”G’awful way t’go,” Rogue shuddered. Whenever she had any doubts about what the Red Guard did, people like AIM reminded her who the good guys were. ”What I wanna know,” said Agent Crawley, “is who is this Dastoor broad, that she gets the royal treatment from Sebastian Stick-Up-His-Ass Shaw?” ”No idea,” Rogue said, putting her cooling coffee to her lips. “Before your time, daughter,” Mystique explained, ”Back when mutants were actively oppressed by humanity, before the rise of Emperor Magnus, Radha “Haven” Dastoor was one of the few sapiens on our side.” ”Our side?” Rogue looked intrigued. ”A sapien?” Crawley looked doubtful. ”Oh, she didn’t go all out for us, not by a long shot,” Mystique scoffed, “Don’t get the wrong idea---she was a peaceful protester. Didn’t get anything done. But. . .she did reach a lot of her own kind, or try. And ran with a very upscale crowd, so there was. . . influence, I suppose. Ran some shelters and such.” The blue-skinned woman sniffed slightly, torn between wanting to give credit where credit was due, but also not wanting to oversell the woman as a saint when she’d barely done the bare minimum in Raven’s view. ”Anyway. Now that the tables have turned, so has she. She’s all about her OWN kind’s rights now. As if things are as bad for them as it was for us. Ha! Not even on our best day back then, were we ever treated with the grace that Magnus has granted THEM. But trust a human to not even be able to stomach a DILUTED taste of their own medicine. She shrugged her azure shoulders, “But since Director Shaw is old enough to remember her work---such as it was---I suppose he thinks she’s earned some professional courtesy. And he is, after all, nothing if not professional.” *** As promised, Haven was well treated while she was held at the Australian S.H.I.E.L.D base. She would be taken to Genosha to stand trial tomorrow, but in the meantime. . . In the meantime, Thasanee Rappaccini had spent all evening infiltrating the base successfully without setting off any alarm to her presence. It was no mean feat, as one might imagine, but she had been trained for this from birth. Not infiltration specifically, but anything and everything relevant to taking down Magnus’s mutant-supremascist empire. And, much like how many unlucky souls never noticed a scorpion in their shoe before it was too late, this Scorpion had creeped in subtle as a shadow, unheard and unseen and undetected by man, mutant, or machine. And now. . .now she had a clear shot with her Stinger, as she called her left arm from which she fired energy bolts containing concentrated toxins. Like the Rappccini’s daughter of myth, Thasanee was literally poisonous. Yeah, she was pretty sure her mother hadn’t been born with that surname. Haven didn’t even notice as the slim girl slid into the room. She was busy tending to a flower in a pot, to Thasanee’s surprise. Who had given her that? Scorpion had expected to find the captive in chains, not--- BOOM! CRASH! The entire base rocked as Scorpion’s eardrums rang, and it wasn’t just shock that made it difficult for her to keep her balance. Thas had a clear shot, not for any gun but her Stinger; the name she had given her left arm, from which she fired the accumulation of toxins and poisons her naturally immune body stored in her left lymph node. Then crash that rattled entire base. A klaxon began to sound, reminding her unpleasantly of the one that had blared throughout the AIM base before its destruction. Yells, shouts, and more smashes reached her ears through the alarm as well. Thasanee had just enough time to wonder if her mother had sent Adaptoids to attack the place before one of the hulking culprits burst through the wall, sending Thasanee leaping into the hiding among the dust and debris; she could hear Haven cough from the same, but, she noted, the woman never screamed. Odd. Maybe she was too petrified too. She’d seemed like such a refined ladylike priss, Thas would have thought--- The Gai. That’s what was causing all this. Thas had encountered them a few times before. They were alien invaders, huge and monstrous, looked part insect and part reptile with a turtle-like shell from which their six limbs extended. Some wore additional hi-tech battle armor but this one was bare. All of them were the same thought; they didn’t care who they killed, only that they killed everyone. Human or mutant, warrior or prisoner, all Earthlings were the same to them. Something to be wiped out. Why, no one knew yet; telepaths couldn’t get in their heads and they were seldom in the mood to talk, though Haven seemed to be trying as the beast advanced. Thas was about to--- BONK! It was an almost comical sound, followed by a crack, as the force from Director Shaw’s fist collided with the stone-like shell of the Gai and, a moment after impact, splintered it. Where did he come from?! Scorpion wondered, then saw he must have rushed in after it through the hole it left, then leaped on to its back to strike his blow. And then another. And another. He was hitting it with every step he made over its back, but once he got to its head, it tossed him like a rodeo rider being thrown from a bull before he could punch its ugly skull in. Scorpion wasn’t sure who she was rooting for. Shaw was launched into the bars of Haven’s cell, and they bent in under the force of his indestructible body like overcooked noodles. Haven, luckily for her, had moved out of the way, and he wasted no time getting in front of her as the Gai advanced. Scorpion wasn’t sure how smart the Gai were--no one knew if they were sapient beings or merely mindless drones sent down to fight by a greater intelligence---but she for one thought it must be thinking how convenient it was that Shaw had taken down this obstacle for it. Until he wrenched off the end of a bar and impaled it through the Gai’s bulbous multifaceted left eye. However alien this creature might be, it had a commonality with most beings on Earth, which was that getting a long sharp metal rod jammed into your skull was an unpleasant sensation, and the Gai responded in kind, reeling back and . . .shrieking? Scorpion wasn’t sure that was the right word for it. She wasn’t sure there was a word to describe it. Like all the sound files in the world glitching at once. She had to cover her ears, but Shaw was apparently part deaf---it was the only explanation---because he didn’t even pause as he grabbed Haven and ran. Scorpion was fairly sure he didn’t see her on the way out though; the Director clearly had bigger things on his mind. Like the Gai, which was more dangerous than ever as it thrashed around in pain. Scorpion supposed to humane thing was to put it out of its misery. . . not to mention, it’d be valuable to know how susceptible they were to poison. . . But she had a target already, and it had just breezed by her in a bright orange jumpsuit. No time for mercy kills; Scorpion followed them. She didn’t notice who was following her too. *** Shaw lead Haven at a rapid pace through the sleek corporate-esque hallways of the building, which were even more rapidly being destroyed. They dodged the claws of more Gai, huge chunks of falling walls and ceilings, sprays of crumbling dust that she might inhale. . . or rather, Shaw dodged the claws and dragged Haven with him, shielded her with his force-absorbing body from the falling walls and ceilings, and commanded her to hold her breath through the crumbling dust from the destruction. He faced a few more Gai on the way out, and while hurting them was easy once they provided him with enough energy, keeping Haven safe---his priority---was difficult to do in tandem. But Shaw was professional, and Shaw was experienced, and Shaw not only got her out alive, she didn’t have a scratch on her. “Everyone good?” he said into his ear piece as he steered Haven towards the door that would lead them out at last. In addition to guarding her, he’d been guiding the Red Guard and the rest of the personnel as best he could over the communicator. “I’m getting the prisoner secured, after that we can---hello?! Over?! Over?!” The line had gone dead. It could be an accident during the destruction. But Shaw wasn’t sure about that. He’d figure it out soon. Getting Radha Dastoor to safety came first though. And he believed he had succeeded. They made it out the front doors, to the jet, into the jet--- And then Shaw cried out and fell to the floor, green toxic energy crackling around him. Not the kind he could absorb, either----it was pure concentrated poison. Scorpion stepped out of the shadows. “Took you long enough, old man,” she said, “I made it out way sooner. Of course. . .” Her eyes traveled to Haven, her real target. “. . .I didn’t have a load to carry. You must be tired from that; please, don’t get up.” She fired another blast into Shaw, who had been rising to his feet, despite the fact the first should have been enough to kill him. Haven cried out this time in front of Shaw, throwing herself in front of his fallen form, begging Thasanee to stop. “Don’t worry, I’ll get to you,” Scorpion assured her, “But before I do, I want to know one thing from him.” She addressed Shaw again, “Why has a mutant fascist pig like you been risking your life to defend a human? I saw you in there. You protected her. Why? Is it because of what she used to do for you guys? Has she been a double agent all along? Is she really a mutant?”

“Because. . . “ Shaw croaked, using all the strength he had left just to lift his head as Haven knelt down beside him, “She. . . is the State’s prisoner. And I. . . am a representive of the State. Of SHIELD. Of Emperor Magnus. It is my duty. . .to protect those in our custody.” He took a moment to breathe, and then continued, less labored this time, but still unable to do more than speak. “I find her activism sentimental soft-minded tripe, and I will see her stand trial for the parts of it that break the law---but I shall NOT see her harmed while she is still my responsibility. Not by the Gai, and nor by YOU.” “Wow,” Scorpion said, and she was genuinely impressed, “Ok, so----I don’t take back that you’re a mutant fascist pig, but you’re a mutant fascist pig with some honor. Not gonna lie---I’m surprised. Enough that I’ll let you in one something before you die---I’m not going to kill her.” Both Shaw and Haven looked shocked. “Yeah,” Scorpion said, and answered the question she knew they must have, “My mom wants her dead, and I was sent to do that, but like. . .I’m just going to fake her death, get her out of here, set her up somewhere. That way--” She turned her gaze specifically to Haven, “That way, you can’t denounce us---if that was ever even your plan---without A.I.M knowing you’re alive and killing you for real, so you won’t, right? And I don’t have to kill you for something you haven’t even done, and maybe were never going to. Everybody wins. I mean, except grandpa there, but I count wiping out one more SHIELD fucker---the Director, no less!---a win. Talk about cutting the head from the snake; he’s one step from Emperor Magnus himself!” “I wish I could be proud of you for this, daughter.” As if she had teleported, Monica Rappapccini appeared before her daughter. Who, judging by her reaction, had NOT been expecting this. ”Invisibility device,” Monica tapped a metal bracelet on her wrist, “I’ve been by your side this whole time. And you were doing so well, too. . . .up until now.” She sighed, “I know adolescence is a time to question authority but you have to follow orders even if you find them difficult. That’s really more what this has been than anything---a test to see how far out of line you’ve fallen. The scientist in me, always having to test a hypothesis before I consider it proven. “ “Well, consider it proven, Mom!” Thasanee barked back, her feelings akin to how a normal teenager might react to finding out her parent had been in her room, “Now what! Going to kill ME too?” “Don’t be silly, you’re far too valuable,” Monica tssked, “As are these two as hostages. Dastoor for her money, Shaw for his political worth to the House of Magnus and SHIELD---much as I truly would love to slaughter him in so many ways. Indeed, I think I might just do that anyway once he’s served his purpose. He deserves it. Do you know how many people he has---” And that was when Exodus, Toad, and Pyro teleported onboard and saved the day. They made short work of Dr. Rappaccini, but alas, Scorpion got away. Shaw made a full recovery after receiving medical aid. And Ms. Dastoor awaits trial for her crimes.

#fic #writing #house of m #hom fic

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phoenotopia · 5 years ago

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2020 July Update

Things have gone slowly... again.

The good news is that the game is now submitted to the console "authority" and it's entirely off my hands. Once it gets through the console "checking" process, it can get a release date and we can sprint towards release. Until then, it'd be at least a month's wait or more until I hear anything. Understandably, their checking process is impacted by Corona, so wait times are increased.

On my end, I was also slow to submit the game. I submitted it late late June, since I ended up spending 7 weeks fixing bugs (and not 2-3 weeks like I estimated in the last blog post). There were just SO many bugs - now squished, thankfully. Since this is a blog post, I'll talk about what kind of bugs I've been fixing.

The other thing that slowed down the submission process was simply due to unfamiliarity with how these submissions proceed. There were pages and pages of stuff to read, guidelines to follow, and legalese to wade through. It really made me wish I had a publisher to guide me through the process. But I was able to clear it with a couple days work. I had an impression that the submission process went like A->B->C->D, with no room for concurrency. Turns out I could have done steps B & C at the same time and sped things up by 2 weeks... So that's that. I'm taking that as a lesson for next time.

The Console Revealed

What is this console that I talk about so stealthily? So that this blog update isn't completely unexciting, I'll reveal which console I've been working on until now. Drumroll please!

It's Switch!

We actually got the Switch dev kit in late 2017. From my understanding, around this time in the USA, the Switch kit was quite hard to get for indies as it was just starting out and high in demand. So I was surprised that my application got approved. I didn't know it then, but the game would still need a few more years of development...

Tweaking performance and fixing bugs

Here you can see my "expert" playtest setup. Since the Switch is more powerful while docked, I needed to playtest it in handheld mode, so I could catch and profile any problem areas where the framerate was unsteady. The most common thing that caused framerate drops were areas that went overboard with lighting. For these areas, I'd tweak or swap out the lights with alternatives that looked similar while also being less computationally intensive. Maintaining 60 FPS is a must!

An old camera (Nikon D3100) trained at the screen recorded my playthrough and would let me rewind to any moment a bug occurred. It could only record in 10 minute chunks, so I'd have to repeatedly repress the record button. On the plus side, because it's so old the movie file sizes were small and convenient.

The number one bug that I tracked and fixed in the past two months was what I dub the "Gear Ring De-equip" bug. The Gear Ring functions as customizable shortcut keys for the player to map items and tools (see an old video demonstration HERE). Through regular use of the inventory, somehow the equipped items on the Gear Ring would be de-equipped. It was an elusive bug since the de-equip event would happen very quietly and you would only suspect something had gone wrong much later. By then, the trail had gone cold and you weren't sure if a de-equip had actually occurred or if the player had simply de-equipped the item themselves. Two other playtesters noted that something left the Gear Ring in their playthrough, but I dismissed them. "Are you sure you didn't just de-equip it yourself?" It was a bug that bred mistrust and discord. I didn't truly believe it until it happened to me...

Luckily, with the camera setup, I was finally able to track it. In the literal 67th video, I caught a live instance of the bug occurring. After which, it was all too easy to recreate the exact same inventory and gear ring setup and replicate it.

(With this exact item layout, combine the 2nd item with the 14th item... and viola! Gear Ring de-equip!)

After fixing this bug, I then proceeded to fix it 5 more times. Every time I fixed it, it would later reappear through a different mechanism.

Why do bugs like this happen? Underneath, there are two lists of items. Tools on the right and items on the left. Items can occur multiple times because they're consumable. Both lists start counting their indexes with the value 0. However, both items and tools co-exist on the gear ring. So to uniquely identify an entry you need both the item ID and the data index. Failure to check both data types resulted in bugs like the Gear Ring de-equip. Now throw in a bunch of item operations that can confuse the system. You can split items, combine items, swap items, or discard items. The more freedom you allow, the more ways there are for the system to trip up.

If you didn't get all that, that's alright. It was needlessly complicated. Imagine doing more and better and with less code and less bugs! Such a thing is possible if you start with the right design. I'm definitely taking notes here on how to design inventory systems for next time. In the meanwhile, I'm very confident I've squished all inventory related bugs.

Other bugs squashed and features implemented in the past 2 months include the end game arts not unlocking properly, collection percentages climbing beyond 100, stray doors floating in the sky, low HP sfx blaring when loading different files, balance tweaks on bosses, a max HP display when the menu is open - too many to count really! It was only after I fixed them all that I was confident enough to move forward with submitting the game. I apologize for the delay this will cause!

PC version back in progress

You may recall in the March 2020 update I talk about how in pursuing the Switch version, I unwittingly ruined the PC version. Well, since the game is "done" now and I'm waiting for it to go through the checking process, I've started working to reclaim the PC version.

And there is some good news to report. The PC version can compile again! Of course, it will need to have some work done, since it was late 2017 when I last had a functioning PC build.

The opening menu is broken, the underlying save file system needs to be updated, and the controls... oh Lord, the controls. Controls were probably the #1 factor in pushing me to pursue a console version first. There are just so many controller options. Even just the usual suspects are numerous: Xbox, Nintendo, Sony, Logitech, Hori, 8Bitdo, Steam...

One of the number one complaints received regarding the flash game (which was keyboard primarily) was that I didn't allow controller rebinding to start. It was then that I learned of the vast array of different keyboard types.

(Ever heard of an Azerty keyboard?)

I shan't make the same mistake twice! One of the things I'll definitely tackle is the Right/Left face button feud when it comes to which should one should be 'confirm' and which one is 'cancel'. I want to allow the player to choose which is their "YES" and "NO" preference and allow that to overlap other actions like Attack or Jump.

Even after control bindings are taken care of, some things just won't translate well. The right control stick is currently used to access the gear ring and for fishing. Keyboards have no right stick. Aiming the crossbow with a full 360 degrees of range is done with the left control stick - if keyboard only, would the crossbow simply be locked to the 8 cardinal directions? What about those tutorial prompts with button graphics (e.g. "Press 'B' to Jump"). If using the playstation controller, it'd need to be the CROSS symbol. How many button graphics are we gonna load into the text module? What if the player, mid-playthrough, decides to swap out controllers? Indeed, there are many issues to tackle where controls are concerned...

Perhaps I'm overthinking it because even some AAA games get this wrong (Dark Souls has 'B' as 'Yes' on Switch, and it's not remappable, which I find quite annoying). I've seen games on consoles where the controls wouldn't mention the console's controller at all but instead mention a mouse and keyboard. Or, if you remapped the controls, the tutorial prompts still showed the old control bindings, making for a confusing experience. I definitely want to do the controls justice, so this will take some time.

Phoenotopia DISCORD Channels

Ryan and Firana have been running a Phoenotopia discord since late 2017, which I promoted on this blog once. It's been a couple years and it turns out that the old discord link I promoted expired. It's long overdue, but their channel could use another shoutout. Here's their channel : https://discord.gg/cnjrYST

Also, Khalid recently reached out to me about creating a Phoenotopia discord as well. I see no reason why we can't have 2 or more discords, so he has created that one with my blessing as well. You can find his discord here : https://discord.gg/cfnsCwy

I personally don't use Discords, since I'm very busy and there's too much new tech to keep up with. I hear there's a Tik Tok now? Should I create a Tik Tok for Phoenotopia? Hmmm...

Anyway, if you'd like to chat with other people who are similarly enthused for Phoenotopia, do check them out!

Fan Arts

We have five new fanart submissions this time around from regulars and new alike.

Cody G. returns with this pair of sketches of Gail. One seeks to answer the question, "how is Gail so strong?" Cody's answer is that under her sleeves she's actually really buff! This might be the most ripped rendition of Gail yet. Also, in the right drawing, the letter 'E' kinda melds with her bat, making it look like a keyblade!

What if Gale was a Shrek character? A new artist, Samu Kajin, from tumblr answers that question with a rendition of Gail sporting ogre style antennae. Samu Kajin says she can be called "Gaek" or "Shrale". I like the poncho!

Shafiyahh returns with a pretty portrait of Gail. Unlike their previous digital pieces, this one was made with color pencils! I like how her hair blends pink and purple colors together, and this pattern is also present in the eyes. Reminds me of a certain character. And the eyes are so sparkly despite using color pencils! Major props!

Negativus Core also returns with this relevant image of Gail, masked and running, presumably from Corona. It gave me quite a chuckle! I like the angle and tilt of this run pose because you can see the sole of her foot - that's how you know she's at full sprint! A skillful blur localized to her left foot show's just the right amount of motion. Gotta love the robot's expression too!

A rare 3D art has emerged. Dany Q crafted this adorable figure of Gail that is as cute as a button! I like how well it translates the pixel character over to 3D, capturing the 3 stitches on her shirt and even catching her stray strand of hair. It kinda reminds me of a Wallace and Gromit character, so I can picture it moving and animating in that unique claymation style.

Next Time

I'm ~80% confident we can clear the Switch console checking process and drop the trailer with a release date before the next blog post. But once again, if things go slowly, you'll hear from us in 2 months...

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orionsangel86 · 5 years ago

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I agree with the overly fetished views that fandom seems to have of gay men. As a gay man who’s really short, it’s soooo fuckin weird to have people assume I’m a bottom??? Like, I don’t even know you enough to disclose my sexual life and you’re making? weird? assumptions?? Also, there’s a certain fan artist who shan’t be named who makes a certain shorter character super feminine and it kills me every time

EXACTLY

Urgh I’m sorry fandom makes you feel that way.

I’m gonna put this under a cut as I am about to rant about this topic because it is my biggest gripe within fandom. Don’t read on if you are here for fun happy positive things. Beware fair readers, there be strong potentially offensive opinions and plenty of fandom wank down below...

Fandom is unfortunately filled with CIS het women who like to stereotype and force men into their preconceived internalised misogynistic perceptions that to be short or slender means you are the weak dainty “girl” in the relationship and that’s why whichever character they deem the “girl” is also ALWAYS the “bottom”. It also is the same way fandom tends to muddy the waters between sexual positions top/bottom and BSDM terms dom/sub, where bottoms MUST be submissive as well. Half the time you will see posts talking about character traits which perhaps might indicate a submissive streak, and people will take that to mean that a character is a bottom, when the two do not correlate and it is highly problematic to assume that they do.

It’s so fucking problematic and I don’t think that these (mostly straight cis female) fans realise that by encouraging these harmful stereotypes, they are actually also being totally misogynistic and anti feminist. Women are not all bloody Anastasia Steel’s for christs sake (and don’t get me started on that god awful book/movie series). A women can be tall, broad, muscular, she can be dominant and strong and she can damn well top a man if she wants to.

When it comes to shipping male characters in gay/queer relationships, fandom MUST stop inflicting outdated heterosexual stereotypes on them. It seems like fans find a pairing they like (for instance Dean and Cas) and then immediately have to decide which one of them plays the female role. They then twist and change the characters, their traits, the way they look etc, so that one of them is basically a woman. That character then MUST be the submissive bottom and URGH I HATE IT.

(Making a quick note to say that whilst these particular common stereotypes within fandom are very much a problem, this is not to be confused in any way with fans taking their fave characters and headcanoning them as trans or nb or anything else genderwise which reflects an even more marginalised group and is usually a type of fanwork created by fans who are in fact trans or nb themselves.)

I’m not gonna comment on specific artists, but I tend to block urls of bloggers whose stuff I feel is particularly problematic and I also now have the WONDERFUL post blocker xkit extension OMG it is a GODSEND I highly recommend it. If you keep seeing a post on your dash because everyone is reblogging it even though it is super squicky to you (like for instance an obviously feminised Cas or Dean is squicky for me) you can use the extension to block that particular post so you never have to see it again regardless of how many of your mutuals reblog it. Its amazing!

I know that on this hellsite we like to encourage everyone to be as creative as possible and that everyone is valid and we don’t kinkshame and everything etc etc, and I’m all for that, whatever floats your boat and all that. But there is a line, and the line is when what you are doing becomes offensive to the marginalised groups you are supposedly supporting. Like I really don’t care if you are into tentacle sex or hell, even a furry, but I do care if the only way you can comfortably support a gay ship is to force either of the male characters into a “female” template and give them a “self lubricating asshole”. Like... come on. This is why I hate A/B/O. If you have to force gay men to fit a hetero model, you aren’t supporting gay men, you are fetishising them. You are also probably kinda homophobic.

What I really hate about this stuff is how it always seems to be the problematic stuff like this that blows up and becomes a trend and suddenly everyone is jumping on board and no one is given a second thought to how fucked up it is. WHY IS A/B/O EVEN A THING?!? It started as a J2 beastiality fic like WHY DID IT BECOME SO POPULAR?!

Why is Twist & Shout so bloody popular too? Its not even in character. They aren’t even Dean and Cas! Cas is a pale skinny little TWINK?! WHHHHYYYY? I don’t understand it if you ship Destiel wouldn’t you at least want the characters you are reading about to BE Dean and Cas?!? Don’t get me wrong I love AU fics, but I still want to be able to picture and hear Dean and Cas in the characters being described.

Why was it such a thing in the early seasons to make Cas a girl? (that’s hyperbole obviously but he might as well have been based on some of the early fanfics/fanart I’ve seen and immediately noped out of.) Misha Collins has never looked anything like that! He’s never been feminine looking and just because the dude can pull off a dress doesn’t mean you can force him to suddenly be the cute tiny pale perfect curvy pretty submissive beauty you can’t help but imagine Dean with. If you want that for Dean, ship him with Lisa. Stop forcing Cas into a model that just doesn’t make sense for the character.

This goes for Dean as well of course. The dude may have a thing for pink panties and ballet shoes and taylor swift sure, but can we not feminise him to the point he is unrecognisable as the character please?

I know that a lot of this has routes in YAOI. Something I have generally avoided because quite frankly it disgusts me. I find the whole thing just super uncomfortable and messed up and see it purely as a straight womans fetish. So much of fandom shipping behaviour comes from YAOI and its caused a lot of the toxicity we have seen over the years. I think it has got a lot better in recent years though because the queer community is slowly gaining a monopoly in fandom (imo) and as they (we, I should say, as my bisexual ass has quite clearly had enough of this) become more interested in shipping and fandom culture, we can also start educating those straight fans who might be willing to listen and learn. Maybe one day we can say goodbye to the problematic trends of today, or at least, keep them on the fringes of fandom as more and more people wake up to the fact that they are harmful.

And if that means I never have to look at an image of a short pale “pretty” Cas with womanly hips again, I’ll crack open the prosecco and consider it a win.

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fingfamily-blog-blog · 2 years ago

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Doubt, but Assurance

Just now, 8:45 a.m. on my second day of classes, I had a teacher turn down an offer for me to observe her class. She said that it wouldn't be interesting for me because it will be about paragraph writing, capitalization, and such. But that's what I was brought here for! So, although I figure it won't be that way continuously, I face for the first time in practice the notion that I have been brought here by higher-ups who have no idea what the teachers on the ground actually want. Which brings me to a wider concern, one that my brother expressed to me in 1988 after he was placed in western Kenya with the Peace Corps. These diplomatic positions the US heralds as soft diplomacy are just positions bought by power and instituted in submission to that power. While I think that is an especially stark interpretation, and for myself I expect to find a ground which will satisfy me somewhat, I also feel it's helpful to see the thing as it really is, with no illusions. My orientation process indicates that this first month is full of setbacks and disillusionment for many, but that, as professional teachers, most find some avenue for productivity and development. That's my intention, to endure the beginning, to absorb all I can, to judge as minimally as possible and to find and assert my place in time. On the more positive side, the majority of my work is expected to be not in classes, or observing, but at the Writing Center (called Balai Bahasa), which is a tutoring center. I've met the staff there and we've worked out my first presentation for next Friday, 9 days from now, The Structure of Academic Writing. We could have said Structures, because I approach this subject in three forms, Vocabulary, Essay and Sentence Structures. In regard to vocab, I don't expect to be "teaching" my system, but I do hope to work with a program developer to create a website to which students can regularly return to break complex words down by their prefixes, roots and suffixes, and thereby gain the confidence to estimate the meanings of words which they don't know. Vocab structure is a bit of an outlier, but if I can create that website, I think that would be a significant development. That remains to be seen. The second structure is of the Essay. This is more wide-ranging than vocab and is truly the most important instruction which I bring to Malang. The basics are familiar to most people, 1-3-1, intro, body, conclusion, but in my system, 1-3-1 is a ratio which expands as the length of the paper expands, so that, when comfortable with the ratio, one knows exactly what the organization of the, say 10-12 page paper will be. In fact, with my 1-3-1 teaching, a student can have confidence in knowing what EVERY SINGLE sentence needs to do, no matter how long the paper. I call that structure without content, and all the student then has to do is learn the content and fill in the structure with their research. Of course, lots more to say about that. Finally, once students have worked with, or at least understood how essay structure can improve their writing, they have to work with sentences. And this work is the work of a lifetime. Perfecting sentences is something EVERY writer has to contend with. In fact, the very best writers are the ones who struggle with sentence structure AS A CAREER. So, while it can be intimidating, I like to bring students to the recognition that this aspect of academic writing is not complete just because the 15-week course is over. I tell them that I can't teach them everything, but I can teach them 3 fundamental notions that, like 1-3-1 essay structure, can give them confidence in both first and second drafts. These three are 1) strong subjects, 2) action verbs, and 3). compression. And we practice these by reading, analyzing and improving Clunkers (my word for those badly written sentences which can be improved by the three fundamentals above. As this is a blog of my total experience here, I shan't get into the details of the three structures, but I mention them here to show that I do have something to offer the teachers and the students here in Indonesia, even if the program is going to turn out like a 10-month boondoggle. Not that I believe it is, but...

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ronaldsmcrae86 · 3 years ago

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36 Underrated Ways to Find PAID Freelance Writing Jobs in 2021

Whether you’re a seasoned freelance writer or a new writer with no experience, freelance writing jobs that pay are still plentiful in 2021 — if:

You know where to look…

You know how to promote yourself…

And you know how to differentiate yourself from your fellow writers.

That’s where we come in.

If you’re a copywriter, blogger, or any type of freelance writer who wants to earn a full-time or part-time income doing what you love, this definitive, A-to-Z guide will help you do just that.

Let’s dive in.

Chapter One: 6 Steps to Help You Prepare (& Land More Freelance Writing Gigs)

The philosopher Seneca (allegedly) said, “luck is what happens when practice meets opportunity.”

The book of Galatians in the Bible tells us we reap what we sow.

Stephen King put it this way:

“Talent is cheaper than table salt. What separates the talented individual from the successful one is a lot of hard work.”

The common theme? Success tends to find those who are prepared for it.

As a writer, here are six things you should do to prepare for freelancing glory:

1. Create a Writing Portfolio That Kicks Butt

“Do you have writing samples?” “Can I see some of your freelance writing work?” “What are some high-quality articles you’ve written?”

As a freelance writer, you’ll hear questions like these often.

And your answer?

Here’s a link to my writing portfolio.

At least, that should be your answer. But unfortunately, many freelancers skip the whole “prove you actually know how to write” thing.

As Scott Weiland once sang, “let the proof be in the pudding, sugar.”

Don’t simply tell prospective clients that you’re a talented freelance writer. And don’t assume they already know you’re the cat’s meow and the bee’s knees.

Show them.

Further Reading: How to Create a Writing Portfolio That’ll Wow Potential Clients walks you through everything you need to craft an online portfolio of your work, from portfolio sites like Contently to using your own blog. It also offers tips for building a list of writing samples if your portfolio is a bit sparse.

2. Supercharge Your Writing Skills

Unless you want to spend your freelance writing career slumming through online content mills with entry-level job ads that pay peanuts, you need to level up your content creation skills.

Because those high-paying freelance content jobs you lay awake dreaming about? Companies don’t hand them to just anyone.

They give them to the best writers — content creators who:

Realize the importance of SEO (search engine optimization) and can create SEO content with both readers and Google in mind;

Understand the importance of proofreading and submitting error-free work;

Write fast, meet deadlines for their writing projects, and are seemingly immune to writer’s block;

Craft amazing headlines, write with clarity, and support their points with examples;

Have top-notch communication skills;

Can connect with readers on an emotional level.

The good news?

With hard work, anyone can improve their writing skills. And for the few who are willing to roll up their sleeves and do it, the payoff can be huge.

This site is filled with helpful how-to articles on copywriting, content writing, writing contests, content marketing, article writing, and SEO writing. And if you need training, we have that too.

Further Reading: 18 Writing Tips That’ll Actually Make You a Better Writer shares our favorite must-have skills for writers. Read it, bookmark it, and come back to it again and again.

3. Ask for Testimonials

Have you already landed a writing job or two? Awesome.

Did you ask the client to give you a testimonial? A few words declaring their undying love and/or satisfaction with your work (that you can use to help you land more writing clients)?

No? Well, you’re not alone.

Most writers who do freelance work, either due to ignorance or fear, don’t ask for testimonials. Our own Jon Morrow says he’s only had a small handful of writers over the years ask him for a testimonial — even though he would’ve been perfectly happy to give one to them.

So how should you ask for one? Keep it simple.

Here’s how Karen MacKenzie asked for a testimonial after we published her first post on Smart Blogger:

“Would it be possible to get a testimonial for my website? I know you are really busy, but I’d really appreciate it.”

And because Karen did such a good job on her post, I was happy to give her the following testimonial:

Karen offers everything I look for in a freelance writer: Her work is excellent, she finishes on time (if not ahead of schedule), and her attention to detail is wonderful. I enjoyed working with her so much that, as soon as her first article was completed, I asked her if she’d like to write for us again. I happily recommend her.

Want a great testimonial like Karen’s?

Create testimonial-worthy content for your clients and then — this is key — ask them for a freakin’ testimonial.

Note: You can count me among the poor, unfortunate souls who missed out on Jon’s generosity. Before becoming Smart Blogger’s Editor-in-Chief, I was a freelancer. I wrote five posts for Smart Blogger as a freelance writer, which means I passed on five opportunities for Jon to say nice things about me. Don’t repeat my mistakes — ask for testimonials at every opportunity.

4. Learn How to Craft a Killer Author Bio

Picture it:

A wealthy business owner sitting in a Herman Miller chair on top of a rug made out of recycled Herman Miller chairs is reading an article you’ve written.

She’s impressed. She calls to her butler, Jeeves, and asks him to bring one of her suitcases filled with money.

Your article is so good, she wants to hire you.

But then she gets to your byline — the one you threw together at the last minute. The one that lists your hobbies and has no clear call to action.

“Throw the suitcase in the fire, Jeeves,” she says. “I shan’t be hiring a writer today.”

If you don’t want this totally realistic scenario to happen to you, you need to get really good at writing author bios.

Why?

Because someone who’s made it to your author bio is primed. They’ve read your work and want to learn about the attractive, intelligent individual who wrote it.

Maybe they want to check out your website content. Maybe they want to find you on social media so they can follow you.

Or maybe they want your contact info so they can hire you.

A byline should shout to the world your expertise. It should say to prospective clients, “if you thought this article was great, you should hire me and see what I can do for you.”

Taking the time to craft a great one is time well spent.

Further Reading: How to Write a Bio Like a Superhero (Easy 3-Part Process) will show you the step-by-step process for crafting bylines that’ll make rich people want to give you suitcases full of money.

5. Know How to Write a Pitch

Few people enjoy cold pitching to prospective clients.

But you know what?

The job seekers who are willing to do it have an edge. And the ones who are good at it — and I mean really freakin’ good at it — are never more than an email or two away from snagging a new writing job.

So how do you get really freakin’ good at cold pitches? For starters, don’t make these rookie mistakes:

Don’t write long emails. Editors and clients are busy. Respect their time.

Don’t send the exact same pitch to different people. Every editor and every client has unique needs, audiences, and styles.

Don’t ignore their guidelines. Want a sure-fire way to have your email deleted? Pitch to a website that has clearly stated submission guidelines, but ignore said guidelines.

But just as importantly, do these things:

Research. Do your homework.

Find the name of the person you’re pitching to. Address the person by name in your email.

Get to the point. Don’t beat around the bush. Tell them what you want and why.

Sell them on you. Popular websites receive pitches all the time. Why should they hire you? Explain it to them.

These pointers and more (as well as email templates) can be found in our post, How to Write a Pitch That’ll Wow Editors & Clients.

Read it, bookmark it, and reference it often.

6. Learn the Legal Side of Freelancing

One of the big, scary unknowns when you’re working online is how to handle the “legal side” of things.

Should you have contracts with your freelance clients? How do you send invoices? What about taxes?

The legalities can seem so scary and daunting that many freelance writers choose to stick their heads in the sand and ignore them — or, worse, give up on their freelancing dreams rather than have to deal with any of it.

That’s why we put together this resource:

The Definitive Guide to Freelance Contracts, Invoices, & Taxes

If you’re a freelance writer or any kind of self-employed contractor, it’s a resource you’ll want to bookmark.

Chapter Two: 16 Hacks for Finding Under-the-Radar Writing Opportunities

Anyone can find a job board and search for a freelance writing job.

But that’s both a good and bad thing — anyone can do it.

That awesome writing job you found online? The one you’d be perfect for? Fifty other “perfect” people found it too.

We’ll go over some great job board options in a moment (because they do have lots to offer new freelance writers), but first, we’ll take a trip down the road less traveled.

By knowing how to identify hidden opportunities many of your fellow freelancers don’t know about (or do know about, but are too lazy to pursue), you can find writing jobs from well-paying clients who fly under the radar.

For example, did you know you could…

1. Use Twitter to Reverse-Engineer Online Writing Jobs

Want an outside-the-box way to find writing job opportunities?

Try Twitter’s advanced search engine.

In the example below, I searched for tweets that included the phrase “writer wanted”:

I kept the search simple, but I could’ve also searched by language (native English, Spanish, etc.), hashtags, date range, and more. The more options you choose, the more refined your search results.

Click “Search” and you’ll see a list of tweets with various job postings for writers:

Scroll through the list and tweak your job search, as needed.

Some of the results will be scams, but most will be legitimate. Many will be for remote writing jobs, but some will be location-specific (usually New York, Los Angeles, Seattle, San Francisco, Miami, Washington D.C., Dallas, Saint Paul, Minneapolis, Portland, Oklahoma City, Greenville, Atlanta, and other major cities in the United States). Just skip over the ones that don’t apply to you.

If you look at “Top” tweets, as shown in the screenshot above, you’ll find brand-new freelance jobs mixed with older ones. Click “Latest” if you want to see recent tweets first.

Tip: When you find a tweet for a job that shows promise, click Twitter’s like/heart icon. That way you’ll be able to easily find your shortlisted tweets later.

The nice thing about Twitter’s advanced search feature is it’s only limited by your imagination.

Want to find guest blogging opportunities (since many websites these days pay for guest posts)? Enter “guest post” into the “this exact phrase” option and you’ll see every tweet written by someone looking to promote their latest guest blogging masterpiece.

That’ll give you a list of websites that accept guest posts, which you can later whittle down (after you’ve done a little more research) into a list of sites that pay guest writers.

Wash, rinse, and repeat.

2. Follow Leads on Social Media

When you use Twitter’s advanced search feature for finding freelance writing jobs online, you’ll discover certain Twitter handles pop up fairly frequently.

One example is @write_jobs:

When you find a good lead, follow them. That way you can cut through the noise of Twitter and go straight to your best sources.

Even better?

Add them to a private Twitter list so that tweets from all your leads can be found in one handy repository.

Here’s how you do it:

Here are a few more handles to get your Twitter list started:

@FreelanceWJ

@WhoPaysWriters

@jjobs_tweets

3. Check Out Agency Job Postings

Everyone likes to talk about job boards (which, again, we’ll discuss in a moment). But you know what resource most freelance writers ignore?

Agencies.

Per Jon:

One of the best potential clients is agencies because they usually have an ongoing need for writers. Instead of only getting paid once, you can develop a relationship with a few and get new freelance blogging gigs for months or even years into the future. How to Become a Freelance Writer, Starting from Scratch

So how can you get work from agencies? Well, you could contact them directly and ask if they have any freelance work (Jon calls this a “gutsy but effective approach”).

The other way is to keep checking their “career” page:

The Content Marketing Institute maintains a detailed database of agencies. Click here to check it out.

4. Find (and Woo) Clients on Their Turf

Most articles that tout social media as a good place to find leads will point you to Facebook Groups.

And it makes sense. After all, search Facebook for “writing jobs”, click the “Groups” tab, and you’ll see dozens and dozens of options that are open to the public:

If you’re looking for a safe space where like-minded individuals offer tips, advice, and writing inspiration; such groups are great.

But if you’re looking to find paying gigs, you’ll likely be left wanting.

Most members of these groups are looking to be hired, not looking to hire writers. And when someone wanting to hire a writer does come along, the person who raises their hand first is usually the one who gets the job.

That’s not to say Facebook Groups can’t lead to writing jobs that pay. The trick is you need to find groups where the buyers, not the sellers, hang out.

Think “masterminds”, “think tanks”, etc.

Of course, that’s easier said than done. Such groups are usually private. So, what’s a writer to do?

Skip the Facebook Groups. Go Straight to the Sources.

One of the amazing things about technology is the way it allows us to connect and interact with people with whom we’d otherwise never have the opportunity.

In 2014, I didn’t know Adam Connell of Blogging Wizard. But I joined his mailing list and, lo and behold, a “welcome” email with his address arrived in my inbox. I responded, he wrote me back, and a friendship was born.

After reading one of her posts and admiring her writing style, I connected with Henneke Duistermaat of Enchanting Marketing through a humble blog comment. The same was true with Syed Balkhi. I connected with Pamela Wilson via Twitter. For Jon Morrow, the man who would one day hire me at Smart Blogger, I got on his radar by becoming a student in one of his online courses.

Want to write for a mover and shaker in your industry? Want to befriend an influencer who can open doors for you (the kind of doors that lead to paying jobs)?

Make a connection. Be generous. Give without asking or expecting anything in return.

That means following them on Twitter, sharing their content, and interacting with them. It means subscribing to their email list.

And, yes, it may mean buying one of their products. Because here’s the thing:

When you’re their student, an influencer is invested in your future. Your success is their success. You’re a walking, talking testimonial. So many — not all, but many — will do everything they can to help you succeed.

And that includes pointing leads in your direction.

5. Pitch to Software Company Blogs

More from Jon:

You want to work with businesses that have money to spend on marketing. Chances are, those companies are subscribed to various apps for email marketing, analytics, and so on. Most software companies in the marketing space (like HubSpot, Sumo, PayPal, Ahrefs, etc.) also publish a great deal of content. So, who better to write for? You’re instantly getting in front of thousands of the right clients. Many of these blogs will also pay you to write for them, so in many cases, you can get your first client while also prospecting for clients.

e-Commerce companies with blogs tend to publish a lot of content. After all, every article they publish tends to pay for itself (and then some) thanks to the traffic it brings to the website — traffic that often leads to sales of their product.

As with agencies, you can either cold pitch the software companies (which sometimes works), or you can keep an eye out for open freelance positions:

6. Don’t Be Scared of Ghostwriting

A lot of writers don’t like the idea of ghostwriting.

I get it. You’re letting someone else put their name on and take credit for your hard work.

You mean I get to spend weeks pouring my heart and soul into a piece of content, infusing every syllable with my very essence to the point I no longer know where I begin and my words end, and no one will ever know I wrote it?

Yes, that’s ghostwriting in a nutshell (minus the theatrics). But here’s the thing:

Ghostwriting pays better than regular freelance writing. When you ghostwrite, it’s not unheard of to increase your fee by 15%-20% (or more).

The opportunities in ghostwriting are virtually endless. You could ghostwrite blog posts, articles, scripts used on YouTube channels, or even books sold on Amazon.

You can make great freelance writing business relationships by ghostwriting. People who pay for ghostwriters tend to have money (and connections). Oftentimes, these clients can refer you to others.

If your primary goal is to build up a strong list of writing samples, ghostwriting isn’t for you.

But if your goal is to make money writing and build potentially profitable business relationships, it’s something to consider.

And here’s the best part:

Because so many freelance writers loathe ghostwriting, there isn’t as much competition.

Editor’s Note: These next few freelance writing hacks come courtesy of Smart Blogger Certified Content Marketer Germano Silveira.

7. Find Clients Who are Already Hiring Successful Freelance Writers in Your Niche

Want to write for great clients in your niche who pay top dollar?

Well, you can either wait until they post job ads, then compete against everyone else who applies…

Or you can take initiative and proactively seek out these ideal clients.

One of the best places to find ideal clients is in the portfolios of successful freelance writers in your niche.

By studying other writers’ sample content, you can identify clients they’ve worked with in the past.

These clients are ideal targets because:

You already know they hire freelance writers;

You know they have years of experience working with freelancers, so they’ll be easier to work with;

And you know they pay decent wages, otherwise the successful freelance writer wouldn’t work with them.

Start by finding freelance writers in your niche. You can find them by Googling “[YOUR NICHE] + freelance writer” like so:

Scroll through the search results until you see a freelance writer’s website. These writing sites don’t always rank highly, so you may have to go through several pages of search results to find them.

Click on a writer’s website and check out their portfolio. There you’ll find links to articles the freelance writer wrote for various companies in your niche.

Click on a writing sample and visit the client’s website to make sure you’d be interested in writing for them. If everything looks good, add them to your list of potential targets.

Do this over and over again for every freelance writer you find in your search. When you’re done, you should have a big list of ideal clients to target.

Pick one client to target and visit their website.

Study their content to get an idea of what they publish. Pay close attention to their most popular content, as well as the article the freelance writer wrote for them. These will give you a good idea of what type of content to pitch.

Check their website for submission guidelines, which will give you a better sense of what they’re looking for from freelance writers and tell you who to send your pitch to.

Use all of this reconnaissance to brainstorm ideas for good articles to pitch them. Pick your best idea, develop it into a pitch, and send it in.

8. Apprentice With a Successful Writer in Your Niche

Another way to get work from established freelance writers is to build a mutually-beneficial partnership with them.

Many successful freelance writers need help with certain aspects of their business. They could use someone to do their research, proofreading, copy editing jobs, etc.

Of course, they could pay a professional writer or do these tasks themselves. But most would prefer to have someone do it for free.

That’s where you come in.

By offering free assistance to a successful freelancer in your niche, you can save them time and help them make more money in exchange for steady work and writing experience.

Often, successful freelance writers have to turn down work because the client can’t afford to pay their rate. Instead, they can pass this work off to you and split the earnings (again, more money in their pocket).

They can also help you by critiquing your work, giving you tips on how to succeed in the industry, and endorsing you to editors.

Once they trust you and you’ve proven yourself as a writer, they may also let you do some assignments for them.

Successful digital marketing entrepreneur Dan Lok got his start in the copywriting industry this way — by apprenticing with his copywriting mentor Alan Jacques:

“Why did this work out so well? It wasn’t worth Alan’s time for that price, but it was worth my time, because I wanted the experience. I needed clients to gain experience and get better. I got my clients with his endorsement and supervision.” — Dan Lok

So how do you start such an arrangement?

It’s not easy, and there’s no direct path. But your best bet is to buy one of their courses or products. As mentioned earlier, when you become their student, they become invested in your success.

You can also try:

Getting an introduction from someone who knows them;

Connecting with them on social and building a relationship;

Creating a piece of content (perhaps copy for a landing page?) they could use and giving it to them for free.

9. Reverse-Engineer Writing Samples From Job Ads

Ultimately, most clients don’t care about your experience or credentials. They just want a freelance writer who can complete their assignment and get results.

Your job is to convince them YOU are that freelance writer.

And the best way to convince them you can do the assignment is… to do the assignment.

Most job ads ask for relevant writing samples. When applying to these ads, most freelancers provide similar writing samples.

In other words, they provide articles they wrote for another client that sort of match what the ad is looking for, but not really. Unless they’ve written for an identical client before, their writing samples will be a bit off.

You can immediately differentiate yourself from other applicants and increase your odds of getting hired by creating a writing sample tailor-made for each client.

Start by finding job ads on job sites like Upwork.

Don’t just look for any old job. Get specific with your search criteria to find ideal jobs — jobs that are in your niche, about subjects that interest you, and offer to pay premium prices.

When you come across an ideal job description, study it from top to bottom. Make note of everything the client is looking for in a writer and the assignment.

Then brainstorm ideas for articles that perfectly match what the client wants. If necessary, research tactics and techniques for creating such content.

For example, in the screenshot above, the client is seeking someone who can “write about boring, dry, technical topics.” You could Google, “how to write about boring topics”, then apply what you find to your sample article.

Select your strongest idea and write it. Try to pick a short, simple idea that won’t take too much time to write. Otherwise, the client may hire someone else before you finish.

Finally, apply to the job and submit your tailor-made content as a writing sample. You can either publish the article on a free site like Medium or submit it with your application as a Microsoft Word or Google Doc.

The best part of this strategy?

Even if the client doesn’t hire you, you’ll still walk away with a strong writing sample to add to your portfolio. And if you repeat this process, you’ll quickly build a portfolio of writing samples that are super-relevant to your ideal clients.

10. Pitch Every Service You’ve Used in the Last Year

If you’re a beginner freelance writer, one of the best places to find writing gigs is with the companies/products you already use.

They make great potential clients because:

You’re already familiar with the product/service;

You’re in their target market, so writing for their audience is easier;

You already have a relationship with these large and small businesses.

In fact, you should include these points in your pitch.

Start by making a list of every product/service you’ve used in the last year. This can include gyms, hair salons, landscapers, etc.

Visit their websites and perform a content audit:

Are there problems with their web copy you could offer to improve?

Do they have a regularly-updated blog? Could you contribute to it in an impactful way? Could you help them target certain keywords with their content?

Basically, you’re trying to match the services you offer with the content they need.

While you may be able to convince these companies to start a blog, the best targets are companies that understand the importance of content marketing and invest in it accordingly.

Once you’ve identified your targets and how you can help them, send an email to someone on their marketing team offering your services.

Your pitch should mention you’ve used their product/service and love it, as well as the fact you’re a member of their target market and will be able to effectively influence their audience.

Offer to work for a price you think they can afford, based on your research. You may not get paid top-dollar initially, but the real goal is to establish a working relationship, get steady work, and contribute to your portfolio.

By sending out 30 such emails, Julie Wilson was able to generate over $1,000 in her first month employing this strategy.

11. Write Tutorials for Products You’ve Used

This tip is similar to the previous one in that you’ll be soliciting a business you’re familiar with.

However, this technique differs because it involves writing articles on spec — creating articles for free before you pitch them.

Make a list of products you’ve used that fall into your freelance writing niche. For example, if you want to become a SaaS writer, make a list of software you use or have used in the past.

Visit the websites of these companies to determine if they’re good prospects. Look for companies with well-established, regularly-updated blogs.

Check to see if they have submission guidelines, which will give you information on the type of content they’re looking for and let you know if they hire freelance writers and/or accept guest posts.

Then write a tutorial (that includes a thorough product description) on how to use their product to achieve a desired result. If possible, create a case study describing the results you achieved with the product and how you did so.

Contact someone in the company via email or LinkedIn. Tell them you’re about to publish the article on Medium (or some other blog) and were wondering if:

They want to publish it on their blog instead;

They’d be willing to share and/or link to the article once you’ve published it.

Even if they don’t buy the article, you’ll add another writing sample to your portfolio while establishing a relationship with a potential client who may keep you in mind for future work.

12. Find and Fix Weak/Old Content

By now, we’ve established the benefit of demonstrating your value to potential clients in advance.

Another way to demonstrate value is by improving their weak, flawed, or outdated content.

You’d be surprised by how many influential, well-established organizations have flawed web content.

Often, these organizations are so preoccupied with creating new content they overlook small errors or forget to update their content to meet new developments.

That’s where you come in.

By identifying weak spots and fixing them for free, you can establish a relationship with a potential client that gets your foot in the door.

Of course, you shouldn’t just visit hundreds of random websites hoping to find bad copy or content. Think of how time-consuming and unbearably boring that would be.

Instead, make a list of 10 to 20 blogs, companies, or influencers you’d most like to write for.

Visit their websites, analyze their content, and make note of areas you can improve.

Look for older content that could use an update. For example, a headline like “How to be a freelance writer in 2016” is a great candidate for modernization.

(On the other hand, something like “Google Authorship: The Complete Handbook for Getting Respect, Readers, and Rankings” wouldn’t work because its main topic, “Google authorship”, is no longer relevant.)

Dan Lok used a similar tactic to get work from guerrilla marketing guru Jay Conrad Levinson. Dan rewrote Jay’s entire sales pitch on spec and sent it to him. Not only did Jay use the updated sales copy and pay Dan for his spec work, but the new copy tripled Jay’s conversions!

Maybe you’re not a copywriting expert like Dan. But if you find a website with weak or unremarkable sales copy, you could try researching the subject and giving it a shot. At the very least, this makes for good practice.

Once you’ve identified and updated your content, send an email to your target explaining what you did.

Tell them you came across their website or blog article, noticed some flaws, and thought you could help them out by improving it.

While they may offer to pay you for your work like Jay did, I don’t recommend trying to sell it to them.

The true power of this tactic is you’re establishing a relationship by being helpful and demonstrating value upfront. And it works best when done for free.

Trying to sell them your work can come off as opportunistic, arrogant, and reduce the chances they’ll bite.

But if you help them for free and they like your work, they may decide to pay you (like Jay did) and/or keep you in mind for future assignments.

13. Dominate Quora

Quora is a social media platform where users can post questions and get answers from other users.

Whether or not you get clients from Quora, it’s an insanely useful marketing platform for writers that allows you to:

Connect with people in your niche in a helpful way and demonstrate your expertise;

Show potential clients you can write for their audience;

Generate long-term traffic from each answer you post (popular Quora questions and answers often get ranked in Google);

Establish yourself as an authority in your niche and build an audience, both of which make you more attractive to potential clients.

Networking on Quora can be an effective, albeit indirect, method for getting freelance writing jobs online.

The essence of a Quora marketing strategy is this:

Find questions that are relevant to your niche; provide helpful, in-depth answers that demonstrate your writing skill; and advertise your writing services in your profile.

Start by creating a stellar Quora profile.

Treat your Quora profile like your freelance business website. You should include your position as a freelance writer, a high-quality profile picture, a description of the benefits of your services, and links to your writing samples and website.

In the “Credentials & Highlights” section, list all of the credentials and experiences that reinforce your position as an authority in your niche.

In the “Knows About” section, be sure to include topics related to your writing niche as well as your role as a freelance writer (SEO, content marketing, blogging, and so on).

Next, find and follow trending topics related to your writing niche as well as the type of content you create (articles, content marketing, email copy, web copy, etc.).

When your profile is all set up and ready to go, start searching for questions relevant to your writing niche. “Relevant questions” include questions that are of interest to potential clients and/or their audience.

You can find relevant questions either by clicking on a Topic and scanning for them, or by typing relevant keywords into the search bar.

When you come across a relevant question, bookmark it in the “Answer Later” section for easy access.

Finally, write phenomenal answers to your saved questions.

Your answers should be helpful. They should answer all parts of the question in the best way possible. And you should include links to additional resources if and when necessary.

Your answers should tell stories. Stories are not only a great way to engage readers and increase views, they also help readers learn and retain information better.

Your answers should incorporate visuals. Visuals break up your text and make your answers more visually appealing and easier to read.

Be sure to link to your writing samples when possible. In fact, whenever you publish a new article, you should spend some time finding and answering Quora questions related to it as a way to drive traffic.

Regularly answer questions to build your Quora audience and views. You’ll increase your position as an authority in your niche, increase your value to clients by building an audience, and potentially get freelance work from employers who come across your answers.

14. Offer Referral Deals

If they like your work, most clients will happily refer you to others.

But some clients may be reticent to refer you to others because they want to keep you to themselves.

Other clients simply require a bit of motivation.

A simple way to provide this motivation is to sweeten the pot with a referral deal.

Tell clients that for every referral they send your way that turns into a job, you’ll create one free piece of content for them.

Even though you’ll waste some work hours on free work, you’ll more than make up for it with the steady stream of new clients you get.

Short. Sweet. And simple.

Just remember:

It’s important you honor your word.

If a client finds out they referred you to someone, you got the job, and you reneged on your end of the deal, your relationship with the client will end and your reputation as a writer will be tarnished.

15. Monitor Companies That are Hiring for Content Marketing Roles

When you see an ad for a content marketing role, a “job opportunity flag” should be raised in your head.

A new content marketing hire is a sign a company is either investing more in content marketing or changing its content marketing strategy.

It can also simply mean they’re filling a vacant position.

Either way, a new hire still signifies a change in strategy. And it’s likely they’ll need more content and more help creating that content.

Rather than waiting for the company to post an ad for freelance writers (like those other lazy freelancers), take the initiative and demonstrate value upfront.

Reach out to the company (or even their new hire) and offer your help executing their new strategy.

First, use LinkedIn to monitor job ads seeking content producers and marketers.

With LinkedIn, you can use filters to narrow your search by job role, job type, and industry.

You’ll want to filter out any companies that aren’t in your writing niche using the “Industry” filter. If you write for software companies, limit your search to software companies.

It’s also best to limit your search to top-level content marketing roles. Top-level hires are the best indication a company is investing in a new content marketing strategy and increasing content production.

To filter for top-level roles, use keywords like “Content Marketing Strategist”, “Content Marketing Manager”, “Content Marketing Specialist”, “Head of Content Marketing”, etc. You can also use LinkedIn’s “Experience” and “Title” filters to narrow your search to top-level positions.

The best part about using LinkedIn for this strategy is you can set a job alert and have new job ads emailed to you. No need to waste time running new job searches over and over again in order to find job openings. Just set it and forget it.

Next, read the job ads to get a sense of the opportunity potential.

If the job ad indicates the company will be producing lots of new content, you know they’ll be a good source of potential work. Often the ad will say something like, “we’re looking to ramp up our content marketing efforts.”

Keep an eye out for any information on the new direction of their content strategy. If the ad says they’re looking to use written content to build authority in their niche, then make note of it. You’ll use it later in your pitch.

Once you’ve identified a few good prospects, it’s time to start crafting your pitch.

A great pitch should include:

1. An introduction that aligns you with their goals.

You might say something like, “I understand you’re looking to build authority with your blog and I think I can help.” This shows you’ve read their ad and understand what they want to achieve.

2. An article written on spec that you’ll let them publish for free.

This demonstrates your value and writing abilities upfront. It’s also a great way to start a positive relationship by giving them something of value for free.

3. A list of 5 to 10 article ideas you think they’ll like.

This demonstrates your ability to regularly produce great content ideas and will be a valuable asset to their new strategy.

Finally, send them your pitch.

It’s best to send your idea to the newbie hire once they’ve filled the role — the new hire will be most receptive because they’re new to the company, eager to make a good impression, and stand to benefit most from bringing a talented freelancer on board.

While this tactic takes a bit of effort, the potential for steady, long-term work makes it worthwhile.

16. Use an Ad Fishing Strategy

Ad Fishing is a technique that involves using Facebook or LinkedIn ads to target warm leads.

For simplicity, we’ll describe how to employ this strategy on Facebook, but the process for LinkedIn is identical.

To perform this strategy, you’ll need:

A Facebook Page;

Your own website/blog with the Facebook Pixel installed;

A case study describing how you helped a client achieve a certain result with your content marketing.

First, you’ll need a case study that demonstrates the value of your freelance writing.

Your case study should describe a positive result you helped a client achieve and the process you used for doing so. The positive result could be as simple as helping them boost monthly web traffic with a blog post.

Make sure your case study has a killer, benefit-oriented headline. For example:

“How I Got 10k New Monthly Visitors for a Client With One Blog Post”

The case study should also include a CTA (call to action) at the end inviting readers to contact you if they want similar results.

Next, create a “Bait Article” — an article your target clients will want to read.

For example, if you want to work with health care companies, you could create an article titled “7 Ways Health Care Companies Can Generate More Web Traffic”.

Promote the article wherever your target clients hang out. Post it in relevant Facebook Groups. Link to it in answers to relevant Quora questions. Or, simply promote it to your targets using Facebook Ads.

Finally, create a Retargeting Ad sharing your case study with anyone who reads the “Bait Article”.

The essence of this strategy is to use the “Bait Article” to find and qualify warm leads — people in your target market who want the results you can help them achieve.

Then you hook those warm leads with a case study that clearly demonstrates how you can help them achieve the desired result.

Because the ad only targets a small number of qualified leads, ad spend will be low and ROI (return on investment) will be high.

Chapter Three: 14 Writing Job Boards That are Packed with Writing Opportunities

Next up, let’s look at some popular (and some under-the-radar) job boards used by freelance writers all over the world.

If you’re new to freelancing, job boards will likely be your easiest entry point. You’ll be able to find writing jobs of all shapes and sizes.

Once you have some writing samples under your belt and you begin getting good referrals from clients, more opportunities will become available to you.

Let’s start with possibly the biggest one:

1. LinkedIn Jobs

If you’re a professional, there’s a good chance you already have a LinkedIn profile (even if, like me, you tend to forget about it for months at a time).

Its job board, as you would expect from a site that specializes in professional networking, is huge.

How huge?

Well, at the time of this writing, there are over 35,000 job postings for “copywriter” alone:

Thankfully, LinkedIn offers lots of filters. Search by date, the job’s industry, the job type (full-time jobs, part-time writing jobs, etc.), experience level, and more.

If you’re already on LinkedIn, it’s a good place to start.

2. Upwork

Depending on who you talk to, Upwork (formerly Elance-oDesk) is either awful or amazing. And the funny thing is, the reasons for its awfulness and amazingness are one and the same: low rates.

Employers love Upwork because you can typically find qualified applicants who live in areas with lower cost of living. As a result, they can get great work at reduced costs.

Those who hate Upwork do so because they’re competing with the aforementioned applicants who can comfortably live on less money.

So what does this mean for freelance writers?

Unless you’re content with low-paying rates (because you need the practice, you want to build up your portfolio, you need all the work you can get, etc.), you’re better off with one of the other job boards mentioned.

3. ProBlogger

As its name would suggest, the ProBlogger Job Board is a popular one among bloggers in search of freelance writing work and blogger jobs.

With a $70 starting price for posting a job, you tend to find smaller companies on ProBlogger. There are exceptions, of course.

One neat feature offered by ProBlogger is a Candidate Database employers can search to find writers. It’s free for writers to join, and you can use it as an online resume and sales page. Here’s an example from Smart Blogger student Mark Tong:

4. BloggingPro

BloggingPro requires clients to publish job ads that pay a minimum of $15 an hour (or have at least 500 words).

Job categories are blogging, content writing jobs, copywriting, and journalism. And types of work include contract, freelance, full-time, part-time, internship, and temporary.

As job boards not named LinkedIn or Indeed go, it’s pretty detailed.

5. FlexJobs

FlexJobs specializes in all types of online jobs and remote work, including remote jobs for writers. It isn’t free, but you get a lot for your money.

For starters, you’re safe from scams — each job posting is vetted by an actual human. You also don’t have to hunt for work from home jobs that’ll allow you to write in your pajamas — all online writing job ads (from blog posts to white papers to press releases to academic writing) are for remote positions. It’s kind of their thing.

Plans start at $14.95 per month. There’s a 30-day money-back guarantee, which means you can try it out, see if there are any promising writing jobs, and cancel if you don’t like what you see.

6. Freelance Writers Den

Founded by Carol Tice, the Freelance Writers Den is a paid membership site with a long track record.

Unlike most job boards, you also get bonuses. There are over 300 hours of training material, pitch examples, templates, and monthly live events.

Membership is $25 per month with no contract. You can cancel anytime and not pay the next month’s dues. There’s also a 7-day money-back guarantee when you first join.

7. Who Pays Writers?

According to its website, Who Pays Writers? is “an anonymous, crowd-sourced list of which publications pay freelance writers — and how much.”

Translation: Once you’re ready to write for a high-profile publication that’ll look amazing on your portfolio, Who Pays Writers? will be a helpful resource you can use to discover which publications accept applications (and how much they tend to pay per word).

It’s definitely one you should bookmark.

8. FreelanceWriting.com

Curating the best writing jobs that Indeed, Craigslist, BloggingPro, and others have to offer (as well as their own, exclusive writing opportunities); freelancewriting.com is a one-step resource for freelancers.

Not all job listings are for remote writing jobs, but you can filter the ads to fit your needs. Categories include blogging and marketing jobs (WordPress, SEO, content manager, content strategist for startups, etc.), writing (freelance copywriter, staff writer, short stories, article writer, non-fiction writer, creative writer, grant writer, medical writer, healthcare report writer, real estate writer, personal finance writer, creative content writer, script writer for podcasts, etc.), proofreading (writer/editor, copy editor, content editor, proofreader, etc.), journalism, non-profit gigs, copywriting jobs, social media (marketing manager, social media manager, etc.), and technical writing (technical writer, proposal writer, cover letters, service writer, resume writer, etc.).

If you’d like to keep your list of remote job boards short, freelancewriting.com is a good one to keep on it.

9. Freelance Writing Jobs

Freelance Writing Jobs curates blogging jobs from Craigslist, Indeed, Journalism Jobs, MediaBistro, and others.

Every week day, Monday through Friday, they publish a short list of hand-picked job ads. So, if you prefer quality content over quantity, it’s worth a bookmark.

10. Be a Freelance Blogger

Owned and operated by a Smart Blogger student, Sophie Lizard’s job board keeps things pretty simple: if you want to publish a job ad on Be a Freelance Blogger, it has to pay at least $0.10 per word or $50 per post.

If you’re just starting out, it’s definitely worth looking into.

11. Behance Creative Jobs

Though it’s primarily known for its portfolio features, Adobe’s Behance has a job board for creatives of all shapes and sizes.

Job listings for everything from advertising to public relations to freelance writing can be found, making it a solid resource for all kinds of freelancers.

12. Constant Content

Constant Content is a freelance writing platform that facilitates connections between brands and writers. You register for an account, complete a quiz, provide a short writing sample, and — once you’ve been accepted — start applying for writing jobs.

The brands they work with include Uber, Zulily, The Home Depot, Walgreens, Hayneedle, CVS, and eBay; and they claim their top writers earn up to $90,000 per year.

13. Journalism Jobs

If you want to target magazines and newspapers, Journalism Jobs is a great resource. With close to 3 million page views each month, it’s the largest resource for news writers and journalism jobs on the web.

So, if publications are your focus, it should be on your short list.

14. Copify

Copify is a different kind of freelance writing job board. First, you apply for membership. Once you’re in, you can take writing jobs when and if it suits you.

Its aim is to provide you “hassle-free” freelance writing opportunities. So, there are no contracts or commitments, and no need to submit bids or proposals. If you value simplicity, Copify could be a good fit.

Free Class: Want to make real, tangible money online as a freelance writer? Check out Smart Blogger’s Six-Figure Freelance Writing Class. You’ll get instant access to the first video when you sign up.

Chapter Four: Common Freelance Writing Questions (& Answers)

Still have questions? Don’t worry. It’s perfectly normal.

We’ll wrap things up with a quick FAQ.

Here are the common questions we receive from freelance writers. (If you have a question not discussed here, be sure to leave a comment below!)

You should also check out our Freelance Writing Hub. From elevating your writing skills to getting paid to write, it’s a go-to resource for everything you need to know about freelancing.

Now on to the Q&A…

What is freelance content writing?

Freelance writers are self-employed contractors who are hired by clients to create content for them. The type of content ranges from production descriptions to email copy to full-fledged eBooks — and everything in between.

What do you do as a freelance writer?

Well, hopefully, you write. A lot.

But you also:

Proofread and edit

Market and network

Hone your craft

Send invoices, do taxes, and other administrative tasks

Find paying gigs

And speaking of looking for work:

How do freelance writers find work?

How freelance writers land gigs tend to vary based on their experience writing. When you have a good body of work, you’ll get many of your blog writer jobs through referrals and repeat customers. As a result, if you’re an experienced writer, you typically make more money.

So, when you first start writing, you’ll need to be proactive. The job boards we discussed earlier will likely be where you have the most success initially. And don’t forget about the outside-the-box, under-the-radar strategies we discussed. You can find success with those too.

How much do freelance writers make?

When you’re just starting out, you’ll likely be in the $0.10 to $0.15 per word range. But, as you grow, you can command $500, $1,000, and more per article.

Once you have a body of work and you can prove you get results for clients, your pay increases.

How do freelance writers get paid?

Every client will have their own methods for paying writers, but typically you’ll submit an invoice via a service like PayPal, Stripe, or TransferWise.

Make sure you understand the payment terms before you begin work. If you’re unsure, ask the client.

How much do you charge for a 500 word article? How much should I charge for a 1000 word article?

Using the $0.10 to $0.15 per word range we just discussed, as a new freelance writer you can expect to earn between $50 and $75 for a 500-word article.

For a 1,000-word article, a new freelancer could expect to earn between $100 and $150.

But again, as time goes on, your rate should be higher.

How much does a freelance writer make per hour?

It depends.

Most clients will pay freelance writers by word count or individual project. For such clients, your hourly rate will depend on how fast you work.

But there is some data available to give you a broad (probably too broad) idea:

According to PayScale, the hourly range for freelance writers is $11.50 to $63.02. On average, the hourly rate is $24.07.

ZipRecruiter’s numbers are even broader. It says the hourly range is between $5.29 and $76.68 for freelance writers, with $30 being the national average in the United States.

Takes these numbers with a grain of salt, though.

How do you start freelance writing? How do I become a freelance writer with no experience?

Freelance writing experience or no, if you’re willing to accept lower-than-ideal pay rates on job boards, blog content mills, or freelance marketplaces (think Fiverr and Textbroker), you can get started right away. Find freelance job postings, apply to them, and get to work.

But big picture, the answer depends on which group do you belong to:

I’m a skilled writer, but I don’t yet have a body of work. Or,

my writing leaves a lot to be desired.

If you’re in the former group, focus on building a good writing portfolio. If you have your own website, publish articles on there. Medium is a good option too (and it’s free).

If you’re the latter, you really should focus on improving your writing skills. You can probably find work as you are, sure, but a portfolio filled with crappy articles won’t help you find good clients.

Our writing articles here at Smart Blogger can help you. So can the excellent writing content at Enchanting Marketing, Copyblogger, and others. And if you need formal training, the free class I mentioned earlier is well worth your time.

Can you be a freelance writer without a Bachelor’s degree (or even High School Diploma)?

Absolutely. I have a Master’s in Computer Science that I paid way too much money to acquire. Know how many times I’ve been asked by a potential client if I had a degree? Zero. Know how many times the word “degree” popped up when Jon was interviewing me for Smart Blogger? Zilch.

If you can do the work, you can do the work. A degree in creative writing, or lack of one, won’t matter.

Are “guest posts” the same thing as freelance writing jobs?

Semantics aside, yes.

With a guest post, you’re writing content for a website you don’t own, you’re credited as the author, and you get an author byline (or, at least you do with good guest post opportunities). With a freelance writing job, you’re writing content for a website you don’t own, you’re credited as the author (unless it’s a ghostwriter assignment), and you get an author byline (unless, again, you’re ghostwriting).

The only difference is compensation.

All freelance writing jobs will pay you money. With guest blogging, some blogs and websites pay writers to write guest posts for them; with others, you don’t receive monetary compensation, but you get perks like having your work seen by new audiences and beefing up your writing portfolio.

Do guest bloggers get paid?

Some do. As mentioned above, some websites pay writers to write guest posts for them.

To find out if a guest blogging opportunity is a paying one, you need to check their website. Look for a page named “editorial guidelines”, “guest posting guidelines”, “write for us”, or something similar.

Then (and this is important) you need to thoroughly read said guidelines.

If it’s a paying freelance writing gig, or even if it’s just an unpaid freelance writing opportunity for a popular website, you want to get your relationship with the target website off to a good start. And nothing will get your relationship off to a bad start quite like failing to read their guidelines.

Many websites, especially large ones that receive lots of inquiries, will use their editorial guidelines to eliminate sub-par candidates.

For example, here are a few of the guidelines Smart Blogger used to have in our since-retired “Write for Us” page:

On average, writing a post for us takes 10-20 hours from start to finish. re: the chances we'll accept your post

During our rigorous editing process your post may go through five or six drafts before we feel it is ready to publish.

If you prefer to deliver one draft and have it published pretty much as-is, this is not the blog for you. If you prefer not to have your ideas tested or your writing scrutinized, then again, this is not the blog for you. re: the grueling blog writing process

We like longer posts in the 2,000 – 3,000 word range. Don’t think of a 1,500 word post padded out. Think of a 5,000 post trimmed down to its essence. re: guest posting length guidelines

And, trust me, there was a lot more where that came from. Each paragraph, each sentence, was carefully designed to filter potential candidates.

Most blogs and websites won’t have such detailed guidelines. But they will have some guidelines (and if one doesn’t, it isn’t one you want to do business with).

Read the guidelines, follow them, and you’ll do fine.

What are the highest paying freelance writing jobs? What niche should I pursue if I want to make lots of money as a writer?

The list of profitable writing niches can change for a variety of reasons (just look at what the coronavirus did to the “travel” industry in 2020), but here’s an evergreen tip for finding high-paying gigs:

Follow the money.

If you see lots of job ads for freelance writing jobs in a particular niche, chances are the niche is profitable.

True, smart, and sophisticated businesses will continue to hire freelance writers and produce content during a recession (it pays off for them long-term), but unsophisticated clients will stop — unless they’re still making money.

This is a simple but effective hack for finding profitable niches.

To learn more, check out 17 Freelance Writing Niches That Still Pay Big Bucks.

Is freelance writing legit?

I’ll resist the urge to make an M.C. Hammer joke. Instead, I’ll simply say:

Yes, freelance writing is legit.

(You could almost say it’s too legit.)

Ready to Become a Successful Freelance Writer?

There may be lots of online writing jobs out there, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy out there.

Landing paid writing jobs is difficult. Getting started with a freelance career is difficult. But, that doesn’t mean it isn’t doable. It’s very doable.

With the tips and resources in this post, you’re now armed with knowledge. You know what steps you need to take in order to be prepared, you know under-the-radar places to look for opportunities, and you have a sizable list of freelance writing job boards from which to choose.

All that’s left is for you to take action.

Are you ready to get started? Ready to take a huge step towards quitting your day job and following your dream? Ready to find that first (or hundredth) paying assignment?

Then let’s do this thing.

The post 36 Underrated Ways to Find PAID Freelance Writing Jobs in 2021 appeared first on Smart Blogger.

from SEO and SM Tips https://smartblogger.com/freelance-writing-jobs/

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restoringsanity · 7 years ago

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I think you made a really important point (that I hadn't consciously considered before) that people without any understanding of the socio-cultural aspects of yaoi fail to realize that the "uke" is less a reflection of a bottoming gay man as it is of the mangaka's own (submissive, passive, EXPECTED to be reluctant) experience of her sexuality. If someone has issues with the portrayal, perhaps they should consider why that's how a Japanese woman thinks she's supposed to express her own sexuality.

This is going to sound arrogant, but yes, I made an important point. I don’t know if it’s really important, but that’s beside the point I’ve made, and that I’ll continue to try making.

The way sex, sexuality, gender and gender identity is presented in yaoi manga specifically is problematic. Wow. Yes, it is. - But, not exactly for the reasons anti-yaoi/anti-fujoshi individuals claim it is. Their understanding of what is actually a highly complex, multi-layered societal and cultural issue is so completely flawed that they miss the point entirely. Their rhetoric is so pervasive is because most people are inclined to take most things at face value. It’s puzzling to me how people who are often very young have already forgotten one of the most important questions: why?It’s very unfortunate that platforms such as Tumblr (or social media in general) prioritize collectivist assimilation over natural curiosity.

Speaking of collectivist assimilation: Japan has a collectivist society. That’s important to keep in mind. It is to some degree Utilitarian as well. As a whole, Japanese society rates individualism as low-priority, or even something that shouldn’t be desired - which is why subculture and counterculture are such hot topics. The notion that Japan is ‘quirky’ is one that is exported rather than inherent. In actuality, the average Japanese person is the opposite of ‘quirky’. (I could go on about this for a while, but I’d have to freshen up my knowledge beforehand, so this’ll have to suffice as background information.)

If a Japanese woman states that she has a lot of sex, she’s labelled a slut. If a Japanese man states that he has a lot of sex, he’s being told that the women he sleeps with are sluts. Sound familiar? Of course it does.

Purity and innocence are traits held in high regard in Japanese society as well. Women are expected to be demure, pure, submissive, diligent and passive. As part of society, and as a sexual partner. Certainly, these generalizations aren’t universally applicable, but it is absolutely a common trend.

I don’t have any personal experience with how Japanese women actually act during moments of sexual intimacy, and I rather doubt it’s a reflection of what’s commonly portrayed in Japanese pornography (the specific circumstances of which are already a headache), but Japanese pornography portrays a reflection of what’s expected of Japanese women. I’m guessing (!) most Japanese pornography is produced by men. I’m not hatin’ on the fellas, but being aware of certain dynamics is important. Why?

Disclaimer: This might be potentially triggering to some, especially survivors.

The way Japanese women act specifically in pornography shows what is (supposedly) desirable to men, or what is expected of those same women. It’s portrayed as if the woman in that very moment is losing her innocence (virginity) - in a way that is reflective of the struggle and pain such a loss seems to be connected with. [Note: This is uncomfortable to me on a personal level, because I find the concept of idolizing and worshiping innocence/purity to be unsettling, or even revolting.] She cries, pleads, resists and somehow eventually experiences an orgasm. Despite how the experience isn’t meant to be pleasurable, and she can’t admit to it being pleasurable (because that would be depraved), her orgasm is a tribute to the well-endowed man who - I guess - is just so proficient at love-making that she can’t not come. That’s the narrative that’s often present in Japanese pornography. (If that narrative seems familiar to you, I’m not surprised.)

Now why does the ‘uke’ act the way he does? Because to denote how pure and good the character is, the character has to resist temptation - which is something perhaps deeply ingrained in the perspective of the respective author - oftentimes a woman. The general narrative is often the same as described above. Furthermore, because women are expected to be pure, pornography isn’t something they’re expected to, or supposed to explore. They’re not supposed to explore their sexuality at all. The genre of yaoi manga then presents itself as a low-impact opportunity to explore their sexuality despite collective discouragement. They have an opportunity to project, while the vessel they project onto is still removed from their own physicality. It’s safe. It’s not representative of their own sexuality, and at the same time it is.

Here’s where judgemental assholes introduce themselves, hell-bent on robbing women of their escape. We haven’t reached Antis yet, but we’re getting there. The first instance of mind-numbing dickery comes from (mostly) Japanese men, who ridicule and discredit those women. They call them fujoshi - rotten women. They declare those women as spoiled, rotten, and lost - because their value as women is compromised by their impure, depraved interests. Those same women then take the vitriol spit at them and wear it as a badge.

Does any of this sound familiar to anyone? Like, on a historical level?

Moving on to the current state of things on Tumblr.

Even Western women find yaoi more accessible than straight porn. Of course they do. It doesn’t even matter if those women are heterosexual, bisexual, or homosexual. Straight porn is (more often than not) made by men, for men. Lesbian porn is also made by men, for men. Almost all porn is made by men, for men. Because women are eternally disregarded, dismissed, and even rejected as an audience when it comes to pornography. I mean … why would women ever want to explore their sexuality? What are you - a bunch of whores? Keep your fingers off the pleasure button and knit a sweater or something.

Women’s ‘lacking’ perspective on sex is so ingrained in most people that it shows even in our humor. Like, a woman watches some porn flick - bet she’s about to ask when they get married, or if they’re in love. Hurr hurr. Women.So, women shan’t enjoy sex, but they’re also actively mocked for it, if they do - and if their approach is more empathetic, and they want some mental stimulation with their physical stimulation, it’s also not okay. Somehow. (Speaking of which - is there any genre of pornography that comes in a less hectic format, say - a comic or something, which also provides extensive dialogue and a story? Hmmm.)

Anyway. I don’t know who the OG anti-fujoshi/anti-yaoi person was, but they saw content featuring gay men, saw that said content was lacking in terms of sense, sensuality and sensibility, identified the ‘target audience’ and those who most often create it, and went - huh. It seems that the target audience and those who create said content are super invested in content that displays what looks like the abuse of gay men. It’s also super heteronormative. HUH. … … That’s fucking gross. Those women are fucking gross. They’re spoiled, rotten, without value. They even embrace the terminology that describes how rotten they truly are.

Then we’ve got a bunch of geniuses going on about how it’s not inherently wrong when your approach isn’t ‘fetishistic’, and you don’t get off on it ‘just because it’s gay’.

How about it’s not inherently wrong. At all. Ever.How about you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, this isn’t about what you think it’s about, and you back the fuck off next time you feel the urge to police a woman’s consumption of pornography, because even though you’re not wrong when you say that yaoi is problematic, it exists only because women’s consumption of pornography is strictly policed and because them exploring their sexuality is strictly policed and you’re doing the very thing that created a market for yaoi in the first place.

Or, I don’t know - fuck women, I guess. But not literally. That’s bad. PIV is oppressive. Or something. Let’s just agree women get nothing. Cool? Cool.

#fujoshi discourse #yaoi discourse #abuse mention

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spooky-stille · 7 years ago

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Charlie Barnes: Wasn't it a good year? As 2017 stumbles towards its grand finale (hopefully not a TV show president incited nuclear warhead bringing us all to total annihilation, but rather a couple of delicious premium stouts over Jools' Hootenanny), I'm busily putting together all of the bits and pieces that make up the formal submission of my recently (finally) completed follow up to MORE STATELY MANSIONS. Not least of which is the final album master that dropped into my inbox yesterday evening. Biased as this view may be, I think it sounds fucking amazing. Big love to the masterful Steve Durose for steering it all to the finish line with absolute finesse. I don't want to go on about it too much just now, so all I'll say is that this collection of songs marks, for me, a serious level up in songwriting, coupled with a slight (only slight) sidestep in style. I'm also keen to point out to anyone who'll listen that track 5 is, I'm fairly sure, my fucking MASTERPIECE. (You'll probably hate it...) As with the preceding couple of years, I've had an absolute hoot clinging onto the coat-tails of Bastille as they've traversed the world in aid of their (absolutely fucking amazing) Wild World album. I spent just over TWO MONTHS of this year in the USA; both trips were heaps of fun. I visited NASA, saw Mount Rushmore, white-water rafted in Idaho, and fell ever more head over heels in love with the Pacific Northwest, amongst a million other things I can't remember without trawling through Tom Middleton's beautiful tour diary videos. Maybe I'll watch all of those after writing this and have a big cry or something. Speaking of having a big cry, the highlight of this year's touring was, without a doubt, playing at the Zenith in Paris with my Dad in the audience. I spent hour after hour in the living room when I was 13 or 14 playing along to Muse's Hullabaloo VHS tape on my guitar, copying all of Matt Bellamy's big, flashy rockstar moves, dreaming that one day I too might get to jump around that stage playing a guitar that doesn't always sound that much like a guitar. It was fucking incredible. Other highlights this year include: meeting Fred Armisen, seeing Jimmy Eat World play 'Hear You Me' and having a big cry in a field, seeing Local Natives twice in a week at Coachella, finally discovering the joy of Marmite on a train in Russia (thanks Dick, brekkers will never be the same again), that great ravioli place we found in Turin, and singing THAT Aerosmith song on Radio 2 for Dermot O'Leary. At the start of this year I didn't really know what I thought about 'Charlie Barnes' any more. I couldn't really see how the next album was going to shape up, and was feeling sort of despondent about the whole thing. I needed to do something else to take the pressure off it a bit. So, in addition to making the heaviest thing I've ever made in a new project called County Champion (which I'm pretty sure you all missed...check out @StagePresenceVR and do some digging), I started a new band with my good friend Ben Wall called The Society Pages. We've written about 16 songs this year, a few of which are out and about to be found online. It's been such a breath of fresh air writing in a completely different way to how I normally would. It also gave me the space to write a few sneering songs that were directed straight at that whining miserable shitsack Charlie Barnes, who was finding getting his next album done such a giant woe-is-he struggle. We'll be releasing more music soon, and hopefully we'll find the time to play some more live shows; the ones we've done this year have been spectacularly fun for us. Anyway, I'd better get back to collating all of the bits and pieces for that album I shan't be shutting up about for the next year or two, and start sorting out some live shows to celebrate the thing. If there's anywhere in particular that you'd like me to swing by with my SHINY NEW LIVE SHOW, let me know in the comments and I'll pass it on to the powers that be. Merry Christmas, don't forget to watch 'It's a Wonderful Life'. CB xx Snap by Two Evils Coffee co-founder Bryan Warner. Love ya buddy

#charlie barnes #long post

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manipulativeseeker · 7 years ago

Text

Repost, don’t Reblog plz

I want to get to know my new mutuals [ and better get to know the old ones! ] Please repost this, tag this, and anyone else you want to see the answers for.

Tagged by: @firewallofstanix

A fact about you that is not on your “about the mun” page:

Mun is a virtuoso; I have played violin for ~19-20 years and piano for about 15. I fancy the recorder as well and I sing in my church choir. I am always foot-tapping, snapping (albeit poorly), humming or whistling.

A fact about your muse that is not on their “about the muse” page:

Hmm, I’ve added a lot and yet no specifics at all XD Well, I suppose I should mention I can see Starscream as the type to enjoy reading, whether it be holopads, old data, internet blogs, scientific journals, or news. He is very in tune to his environment.

A way that you and your muse are literally the same person:

Starscream and I are both expressive and loud when we’re in our element. But can also be cowed and submissive (I say humbled) at times when matters don’t go in our favor. We also like to stay informed and are quite dramatic, not to mention easily frustrated.

A way that you and your muse are complete polar opposites:

Pshaw! Muse is far more grandiose and confident than Mun will ever be. Also, Muse is a gigantic robot while Mun is not. Mun is also bubbly, cheerful and energetic while Muse is very rarely friendly.

One major pet peeve of yours (doesn’t have to be RP related):

One pet peeve is personal and time management. I am a scatterbrain which alone peeves me, but not as much as forgetting small things, like keys, or snacks, or tickets, or my phone.

One thing that always makes you happy (doesn’t have to be RP related):

A lot of things make mun happy: talking with friends, discussing muses/OC’s, making other people happy, knowing I have made a difference, chocolate, coffee, prayers

Tagging: @rustyhealer, @burningwolfcon, @autobotwheelie, @mnemoiisms, or anyone else who wants to give this a go, I shan’t stop you

#meme #about the muse #about the mun #reblog

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williamlwolf89 · 4 years ago

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35 Ways to Find Freelance Writing Jobs (Even in a Pandemic)

Are you afraid it’s impossible to find freelance writing jobs due to the coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic?

It’s certainly more difficult out there in certain niches, but here’s the reality:

Whether you’re a seasoned freelance writer or a new writer with no experience, online writing jobs that pay are still plentiful in 2020 — if:

You know where to look…

You know how to promote yourself…

And you know how to differentiate yourself from your fellow freelance writers.

That’s where we come in.

If you’re a freelance writer who wants to earn a full-time or part-time income doing what you love, this definitive, A-to-Z resource will help you do just that.

Let’s dive in.

Table of Contents

Chapter 1: 5 Steps to Help You Prepare

Chapter 2: 16 Under-the-Radar Writing Opportunities

Chapter 3: 14 Job Boards for Writers

Chapter 4: Freelancing Q&A

Get Your House in Order: 5 Steps to Help You Prepare (& Land More Freelance Writing Gigs)

The philosopher Seneca (allegedly) said, “luck is what happens when practice meets opportunity.”

The book of Galatians in the Bible tells us we reap what we sow.

Stephen King put it this way:

“Talent is cheaper than table salt. What separates the talented individual from the successful one is a lot of hard work.”

The common theme? Success tends to find those who are prepared for it.

As a writer, here are four things you should do to prepare for freelancing glory:

1. Create a Writing Portfolio That Kicks Butt

“Do you have writing samples?” “Can I see some of your writing work?” “What are some high-quality articles you’ve written?”

As a freelance writer, you’ll hear questions like these often.

And your answer?

Here’s a link to my writing portfolio.

At least, that should be your answer. But unfortunately, many freelancers skip the whole “prove you actually know how to write” thing.

As Scott Weiland once sang, “let the proof be in the pudding, sugar.”

Don’t simply tell prospective clients that you’re an amazing freelance content writer. And don’t assume they already know you’re the cat’s meow and the bee’s knees.

Show them.

2. Supercharge Your Writing Skills

Unless you want to spend your freelance writing career slumming through online content mills with entry-level job ads that pay peanuts, you need to level up your content creation skills.

Because those high-paying freelance writer jobs you lay awake dreaming about? Companies don’t hand them to just anyone.

They give them to the best writers — content creators who:

Realize the importance of SEO (and can create SEO content with both readers and Google in mind);

Understand the importance of proofreading and submitting error-free work;

Write fast, meet deadlines for their writing projects, and are seemingly immune to writer’s block;

Craft amazing headlines, write with clarity, and support their points with examples;

Have top-notch communication skills;

Can connect with readers on an emotional level.

The good news?

With hard work, anyone can improve their writing skills. And for the few who are willing to roll up their sleeves and do it, the payoff can be huge.

This site is filled with helpful how-to articles on copywriting, content writing, writing contests, content marketing, article writing, and SEO. And if you need training, we have that too.

Further Reading: How to Become a Better Writer: 14 Tips to Up Your Writing Game in 2020 shares our favorite must-have skills for writers. Read it, bookmark it, and come back to it again and again.

3. Ask for Testimonials

Have you already landed a writing job or two? Awesome.

Did you ask the client to give you a testimonial? A few words declaring their undying love and/or satisfaction with your work (that you can use to help you land more writing clients)?

No? Well, you’re not alone.

So how should you ask for one? Keep it simple.

Here’s how Karen MacKenzie asked for a testimonial after we published her first post on Smart Blogger:

“Would it be possible to get a testimonial for my website? I know you are really busy, but I’d really appreciate it.”

And because Karen did such a good job on her post, I was happy to give her the following testimonial:

Want a great testimonial like Karen’s?

Create testimonial-worthy content for your clients and then — this is key — ask them for a freakin’ testimonial.

4. Learn How to Craft a Killer Author Bio

Picture it:

A wealthy business owner sitting in a Herman Miller chair on top of a rug made out of recycled Herman Miller chairs is reading an article you’ve written.

She’s impressed. She calls to her butler, Jeeves, and asks him to bring one of her suitcases filled with money.

Your article is so good, she wants to hire you.

But then she gets to your byline — the one you threw together at the last minute. The one that lists your hobbies and has no clear call to action.

“Throw the suitcase in the fire, Jeeves,” she says. “I shan’t be hiring a writer today.”

If you don’t want this totally realistic scenario to happen to you, you need to get really good at writing author bios.

Why?

Because someone who’s made it to your author bio is primed. They’ve read your work and want to learn about the attractive, intelligent individual who wrote it.

Maybe they want to check out your website content. Maybe they want to find you on social media so they can follow you.

Or maybe they want your contact info so they can hire you.

A byline should shout to the world your expertise. It should say to prospective clients, “if you thought this article was great, you should hire me and see what I can do for you.”

Taking the time to craft a great one is time well spent.

5. Know How to Write a Pitch

Few people enjoy cold pitching to prospective clients.

But you know what?

The writers who are willing to do it have an edge. And the ones who are good at it — and I mean really freakin’ good at it — are never more than an email or two away from snagging a new writing job.

So how do you get really freakin’ good at cold pitches? For starters, don’t make these rookie mistakes:

Don’t write long emails. Editors and clients are busy. Respect their time.

Don’t send the exact same pitch to different people. Every editor and every client has unique needs, audiences, and styles.

Don’t ignore their guidelines. Want a sure-fire way to have your email deleted? Pitch to a website that has clearly stated submission guidelines, but ignore said guidelines.

But just as importantly, do these things:

Research. Do your homework.

Find the name of the person you’re pitching to. Address the person by name in your email.

Get to the point. Don’t beat around the bush. Tell them what you want and why.

Sell them on you. Popular websites receive pitches all the time. Why should they hire you? Explain it to them.

These pointers and more (as well as email templates) can be found in our post, How to Write a Pitch That’ll Wow Editors & Clients.

Read it, bookmark it, and reference it often.

Pound the Pavement: 16 Hacks for Finding Under-the-Radar Writing Opportunities

Anyone can find a job board and search for online writing jobs.

But that’s both a good and bad thing — anyone can do it.

That awesome writing job you found online? The one you’d be perfect for? Fifty other “perfect” people found it too.

We’ll go over some great job board options in a moment (because they do have lots to offer new freelance writers), but first we’ll take a trip down the road less traveled.

For example, did you know you could…

1. Use Twitter to Reverse-Engineer Online Writing Jobs

Want an outside-the-box way to find writing job opportunities?

Try Twitter’s advanced search engine.

In the example below, I searched for tweets that included the phrase “writer wanted”:

Click “Search” and you’ll see a list of tweets with various job postings for writers:

Scroll through the list and tweak your job search, as needed.

Some of the results will be scams, but most will be legitimate. Many will be for remote writing jobs, but some will be location specific (usually New York, Los Angeles, Seattle, San Francisco, Miami, Washington D.C., Dallas, Saint Paul, Minneapolis, Portland, and other major cities in the United States). Just skip over the ones that don’t apply to you.

If you look at “Top” tweets, as shown in the screenshot above, you’ll find brand-new jobs mixed with older ones. Click “Latest” if you want to see recent tweets first.

Tip: When you find a tweet for a job that shows promise, click Twitter’s like/heart icon. That way you’ll be able to easily find your shortlisted tweets later.

The nice thing about Twitter’s advanced search feature is it’s only limited by your imagination.

That’ll give you a list of websites that accept guest posts, which you can later whittle down (after you’ve done a little more research) into a list of sites that pay guest writers.

Wash, rinse, and repeat.

2. Follow Leads on Social Media

When you use Twitter’s advanced search feature to find freelance writing jobs online, you’ll discover certain Twitter handles pop up fairly frequently.

One example is @write_jobs:

When you find a good lead, follow them. That way you can cut through the noise of Twitter and go straight to your best sources.

Even better?

Add them to a private Twitter list so that tweets from all your leads can be found in one handy repository.

Here’s how you do it:

Here are a few more handles to get your Twitter list started:

@FreelanceWJ

@WhoPaysWriters

@jjobs_tweets

3. Check Out Agency Job Postings

Everyone likes to talk about job boards (which, again, we’ll discuss in a moment). But you know what resource most freelance writers ignore?

Agencies.

Per Jon:

One of the best potential clients is agencies, because they usually have an ongoing need for writers. Instead of only getting paid once, you can develop a relationship with a few and get new freelance blogging gigs for months or even years into the future. How to Become a Freelance Writer, Starting from Scratch

So how can you get work from agencies? Well, you could contact them directly and ask if they have any freelance work (Jon calls this a “gutsy but effective approach”).

The other way is to keep checking their “career” page:

The Content Marketing Institute maintains a detailed database of agencies. Click here to check it out.

4. Find (and Woo) Clients on Their Turf

Most articles that tout social media as a good place to find leads will point you to Facebook Groups.

And it makes sense. After all, search Facebook for “writing jobs”, click the “Groups” tab, and you’ll see dozens and dozens of options that are open to the public:

If you’re looking for a safe space where like minded individuals offer tips, advice, and writing inspiration; such groups are great.

But if you’re looking to find paying gigs, you’ll likely be left wanting.

That’s not to say Facebook Groups can’t lead to online writing jobs that pay. The trick is you need to find groups where the buyers, not the sellers, hang out.

Think “masterminds”, “think tanks”, etc.

Of course, that’s easier said than done. Such groups are usually private. So, what’s a writer to do?

Skip the Facebook Groups. Go Straight to the Sources.

One of the amazing things about technology is the way it allows us to connect and interact with people with whom we’d otherwise never have the opportunity.

Want to write for a mover and shaker in your industry? Want to befriend an influencer who can open doors for you (the kind of doors that lead to paying jobs)?

Make a connection. Be generous. Give without asking or expecting anything in return.

That means following them on Twitter, sharing their content, and interacting with them. It means subscribing to their email list.

And, yes, it may mean buying one of their products. Because here’s the thing:

And that includes pointing leads in your direction.

5. Pitch to Software Company Blogs

More from Jon:

You want to work with businesses who have money to spend on marketing. Chances are, those companies are subscribed to various apps for email marketing, analytics, and so on. Most software companies in the marketing space (like HubSpot, Sumo, PayPal, Ahrefs, etc.) also publish a great deal of content. So, who better to write for? You’re instantly getting in front of thousands of the right clients. Many of these blogs will also pay you to write for them, so in many cases you can get your first client while also prospecting for clients.

As with agencies, you can either cold pitch the software companies (which sometimes works), or you can keep an eye out for open freelance positions:

6. Don’t Be Scared of Ghostwriting

A lot of writers don’t like the idea of ghostwriting.

I get it. You’re letting someone else put their name on and take credit for your hard work.

Yes, that’s ghostwriting in a nutshell (minus the theatrics). But here’s the thing:

Ghostwriting pays better than regular freelance writing. When you ghostwrite, it’s not unheard of to increase your fee by 15%-20% (or more).

The opportunities in ghostwriting are virtually endless. You could ghostwrite blog posts, articles, scripts used on YouTube channels, or even books sold on Amazon.

You can make great freelance writing business relationships by ghostwriting. People who pay for ghostwriters tend to have money (and connections). Oftentimes, these clients can refer you to others.

If your primary goal is to build up a strong list of writing samples, ghostwriting isn’t for you.

But if your goal is to make money writing and build potentially-profitable business relationships, it’s something to consider.