#i've wanted a katana literally my whole life

[saberamane]

Ok guys, I know there's a lot of controversy over AC Shadows right now...

But who is getting the collectors edition?

[phoebepheebsphibs]

Double-Mutated Mikey

Chapter 29: Affective Science and Emotional Psychology

Continued from the short story written by @boots-with-the-fur-club

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"Well, I think that might be everything, so I should get going..."

"Here, let me help you with that!" Leo says with a snarky smile, his sword slashing the air and creating a portal beneath Agent Bishop, causing him to fall through. The last thing they hear is him yelping before he vanishes completely, the portal snapping closed with a spark of light.

"Leo!" Casey sputters. "Why -- what -- what was that for?!"

"What?" Leo asks nonchalantly with a shrug and smug smile. "I was only helping him get home."

"You just wanted him gone," Casey accuses.

"That, too."

"Leo!!"

"Oh, come ooooooon!" Leo groans, leaning against his katana. "What's the big deal? I don't know him yet, and until I know him better, I don't wanna trust him!"

"Leo, he literally just risked his life against superpowered bounty hunters to keep Mikey safe," Casey reminds him.

"Yeah, yeah...." Leo sighs, lifting the katanas again and sheathing them.

"Besides, I already told you guys we can trust him!" Casey reminds him. "Doesn't my word count for anything?"

"Yeah, but that was in an alternate future where things kinda went south," Leo says with a roll of his eyes. "So forgive me if I don't warm up to him so quickly."

"What is up with you?" Casey asks angrily. "You were never so bullheaded when you were the leader of the resistance --"

"Yeah, well, I'm not that guy." Leo's voice is stern and strong. Cold. Tired of going through the same conversation over and over again. "And we spoke about this. Several times. I don't think it's appropriate to talk about the future --"

Casey growls loudly and throws his hands up into the air.

"Rrrgh! You always say that! And I'm sick and tired of it!"

He jabs a finger into Leo's chest and pushes him back a step as he fumes with fury.

"Why won't you let me talk about my life?!"

"It's not just your life, Casey," Leo refutes, pushing his hand away. "It's... it's more than just that! It's our lives, too! And I don't want you to unintentionally weigh them down by telling them what happens to them --"

"You don't know that's how they'll react!" Casey argues. "And it's not like I'm going to just waltz up and start telling them how they'll die! It won't even happen anymore!"

"It's not just that, Mikey may never be the person he was before the double mutation! How do you think he'll react to hearing he was a mystic warrior when he doesn't even remember what his ninpo is?! Or Raph, you can barely even remember what he looked like in the future! What are you gonna tell him about his life?! You don't know that they'd be willing to hear that stuff!"

"It wasn't all a horror show!" Casey snarls. "My life wasn't a complete abomination! How would you know, you won't even hear about it! The others might not feel the same way you do!"

"But they might!" Leo yells back. "And I'm the leader, I have to make that kind of decision for everyone, and I say that --"

"THAT'S IT!" Casey screams. "I've been trying not to cause a scene or pick a fight, but I've had it! I've snapped, this is me snapping -- I'm gonna fight you on this now!! And you're gonna listen, got it?!"

Leo's goes wide-eyed with shock, his mouth opening and then closing as Casey continues to shout.

"I wanna talk about my life! I want to talk about my family! It's not fair that you ask me to not talk about that stuff!! It's my entire home, world, everything I ever cared about! I can't just sweep my whole life under the rug and pretend it never happened!"

Casey starts pacing as he spirals.

"You guys were everything to me! And it's not that I don't like you as you are now, I do, you're great and you're like a new family to me -- but you're not the family I grew up with! You're right, you're not my Sensei, and you'll never be him no matter how hard you try! He was a fierce, stoic leader of the apocalypse; he led armies and fought alien monsters everyday of his life and he only had one arm! You are not him, and no matter what happens, this world will never be the one I knew. So you will never be the Leo I knew. You'll never become my Sensei..."

Leo looks down at the ground sadly, hand reaching up and rubbing at his elbow. He looks guilty, if not a little sick to his stomach.

"...Casey, I --"

"And I get why you didn't want me to talk to them about the future, but what does it matter now?! It's never going to happen! I'll never see my family again! Why shouldn't I tell Donnie about all the amazing things he did and created?! Why shouldn't I tell Mikey about how cool he was and how he could fly?! And don't you think Raph would like to know that he was a respected hero?! Or that I should tell April that she was the most kick-butt commander and the youngest human to lead a frontline attack ever?! And don't you think I deserve a chance to ask my Mom questions about her life?! Do you know how crazy and weird this whole thing is for me?! DO YOU?!"

Leo flinches at Casey's volume.

"I... I'm sorry..."

"Dude, I am losing my MIND!" Casey screams, throwing his hands up in the air before wringing them through his hair. "Everyone treats me like the plague! They have no idea what to say to me, and I have no idea what to say to them! If I don't talk to someone about my life, about the things I did, or the people I loved and grew up with, I'm gonna explode! I can't just pretend that they didn't exist! I can't just pretend that my Sensei didn't exist!"

Leo looks pale, like he might puke. Something about the idea of 'not existing'... Casey doesn't notice though, and continues.

"And it HURTS! It hurts how I can't talk about them, about myself, about any of it!! And it wouldn't hurt so much if I could see them again, it wouldn't be so bad if I didn't know that they were totally gone! But they are now! I didn't even get a freaking choice about it, I was literally thrown into THIS WHOLE SITUATION and -- I have nothing anymore! No pictures, no family photos or letters or anything! My childhood home doesn't exist, my life doesn't exist, I MIGHT NOT EXIST NOW. Do you even know the existential dread I have about an alternate timeline me being born?! Everything about the future has changed, and..."

Casey's fists shake as hot tears streak down his bright red and infuriated cheeks.

"...and that means that I'll never, EVER see my family again. You can't be the Leonardo I knew. You never will be. He's dead and gone and erased from existence. And I'm stuck here with that knowledge. I love you guys, I really do, but... you'll never be what I want. You can never be the people I loved the most, and... I don't want you to be them. You can't replace them, and even if you could, I'd never want you to have to go through what they did to become who they became. I'm not asking for that, I don't want that, I just... I don't want to dishonor their memory by ignoring them. I don't want to forget them."

Casey heaves a hot and angry breath, grunting and growling before composing himself.

He stands there, glowering as Leo stands before him, frozen stiff. The two of them are still reeling from Casey's outburst. Finally, when it gets just awkward enough, Casey brings his eyes up to the leader.

"...Well? Don't you have something to say?" he asks, glaring at Leo.

He was ranting so much, he didn't even really look at him. Now he is.

Leo looks very, very small.

The slider refuses to meet Casey's eyes, simply holding himself sheepishly and looking very guilty. His head is slowly retracting into his shell. His forehead is wrinkled, his lips pursed and tight. His feet shuffle in the sand, moving back and forth as he tries to force himself to speak.

"...You're right," he mumbles. "Of course you're right. I... I had no just cause to make you stay quiet. It was totally unfair, and you should be able to talk about it. So... go ahead. You can talk about it."

Casey stares at Leo. He's... letting him win the argument? Why? He didn't yell that hard at him, did he? Leo kicks the sand as he continues.

"...I mean, I can't really stop you from talking about it anyways. You're your own dude, and I'm not your Sensei, like you said... I should never have asked that of you in the first place. I'm sorry."

Casey feels uneasy about this. Yes, he's relieved he got what he wanted, but something in the way Leo is taking this... rolling over and acting all wounded and weird. Giving up and giving in too easily.

Leo isn't like this.

He's cocky and confident and stubborn.

What's going on?

"Leo --"

"A-and I'm sorry," Leo continues, voice cracking slightly. "I'm really sorry for everything you had to put up with and all the stupid stuff I put you through, and --"

"Leo, wait, I --" Casey tries again.

"I just didn't want to freak them out over the whole 'dying in awful ways' part of the future, but since that's not going to happen anymore, and... who knows, maybe they'll take it better than I did, I mean... i-it wasn't their fault, and --"

"Wait, what do you mean 'their fault'?" Casey questions.

Leo finally looks at him. Casey can see the strain in his eyes from how he's trying to keep from crying.

".....Nothing. F-forget I mentioned it," Leo mutters, turning to walk away.

"No, wait," Casey says, grabbing his arm and tugging him back. "I got a chance to yell, now you should too. What's going on? What aren't you telling me?"

Leo doesn't look back at Casey.

"I don't have anything to say. You're right. I was wrong. End of story."

His lips curl and he pulls his arm away.

"I'm... I'm so sorry, Casey. I never meant to hurt you, I just... I don't know..."

"Neither do I. What's going on with you?" Casey asks.

Leo doesn't respond, apart from a sharp inhale and shaky exhale.

He takes one of the katanas and slices a portal open.

"....I think maybe I should just go. I.... I need to be alone."

Leo steps through the portal, and Casey hears him mutter under his breath.

"...it would probably be better for everyone if I just left, anyways..."

Casey yelps in protest, but Leo vanishes before he can get him to stay and talk it out.

He grumbles. Why can't Leo ever just listen?

No, he did listen. That's not the problem.

The problem is he won't talk.

....Maybe he and his Sensei are more alike than he thought...

.

.

.

Casey peeks around the corner and watches as his Sensei is getting patched up by his twin, 'Uncle Tello.' The purple-clad turtle mutant grumbles as he pulls items from his all-purpose overalls and adjusts Leo's prosthetic arm.

"And how long has it been acting up like this?" Donatello asks.

"Not that long," Leonardo says, clearly lying through his teeth.

"Leo. How long."

"Um.... maybe.... a month?"

Donatello smacks Leonardo upside the head.

He growls as he pulls the arm off of his brother's shoulder, revealing a long halo of rust and torn flesh from where the metal in the robot arm has been digging and scraping.

"....Leo."

"Yeah?"

"I don't think I have to tell you that this is not satisfactory."

Leonardo chuckles.

"Heh heh, yeah... I figured."

"Did you know how bad it was?" Uncle Tello asks him, though the question is so laced with irritation that it sounds more like an interrogation.

"Sort of." Leonardo shuffles in his seat on Uncle Tello's desk. "I knew it hurt, and that it needed repairs... but, uh..."

Leonardo tilts his head to get a better look at the wounds.

"Yeah, that's pretty gross. Sorry, hermano."

Donatello grumbles and gags as he cleans the injuries and disinfects them. Everyone knows that Donatello prefers machines to humans, and Leo is the medic of the two. Donatello hates the sight of blood. He gags again as he scrapes the dried blood off of Leonardo's arm stub and cleans it with antibiotics and antibacterials.

"You know, this is how you get tetanus or septicaemia or --"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it Dee..."

"I don't think you do. Something like blood poisoning in the apocalypse is not to be taken lightly, 'hermano'. And this is the third time you've stalled on coming to me for repairs. What's wrong?"

Casey sees his fearless leader hang his head in shame before covering it with his non-robot hand.

"I just... I knew we were low on supplies, and didn't want to bother you."

Uncle Tello looks at Leonardo with an expression Casey Jones Jr. cannot name. Regret? Anger? Confusion? Sadness? Maybe all at once? Donatello is never easy to read. But there is a hint of understanding in his eyes as his brow furrows a bit more.

"...Is this about --" he pauses, swallowing before whispering the rest, just quiet enough so that Casey has to strain to hear the words. "Is this about what happened with Raph?"

"Maybe," Leo whimpers. "...Yeah."

"That wasn't your fault. He was just too injured, and... there wasn't anything we could do for him."

Leonardo grips onto Donatello and cries into his overalls. Donatello holds him and rubs his scarred shell.

"But if you'd had the supplies you needed -- If I hadn't taken the last of it for my arm --"

"Leo, you went on a three-day trek by yourself to try and save him."

Leonardo looks up at Donatello. He's trembling. Uncle Tello rolls his eyes and pats him on the back, a mechanical arm reaching out to hand him a tissue. Leonardo chuckles as he takes it.

"...Why haven't you said anything about this? Why didn't you tell anyone you felt this way?"

"There's more important things in this war than my regret," Leo mumbles.

Uncle Tello raises a drawn-on eyebrow.

"That's dum-dum talk. And you know it."

"Donnie, I'm serious. They need me to be a strong and stoic leader, and I don't have time to just sit around moping --"

"And you think we have time for this kind of thing? Where you refuse to address what's wrong and you let it fester until you end up fainting after a meeting because the pain from your prosthetic was too much?"

Leonardo stays silent.

"...Kick a mutant while he's down, why don't ya."

Donatello huffs an exasperated sigh.

"I don't want you to end up like Raph. You need to tell me if something is wrong. If not me, then Dr. Feelings."

"Pizza Supreme, no," Leo jokes. "I'll try to do better."

"You'd better."

Leonardo chuckles as Donatello finishes with the bandages on his stub and shoulder, then moves onto the prosthetic. Casey continues to watch nervously from around the corner until his Sensei turns and sees him. He smiles and motions for him to come forward. CJ climbs up to sit on his lap and stares up at his Sensei.

He looks so much older than he really is. His tattered and worn mask has tear stains and wrinkles. He's pale and tired. Casey hugs him, hoping the hug will help him to feel better. It's what Master Michelangelo would do. He vaguely recalls Raphael hugging him as well.

Sensei Leonardo hugs him back, rubbing his hand over his spine. Everything will be fine, he'll get better and he won't cry as much because the world is not lost and it may be sad, but everything will work out.

Casey hugs his dad tighter.

.

.

.

Raph relaxes happily, watching as Donnie builds a miniature civilization in sand. Mikey had run up a few minutes earlier and asked to join in the fun. Don had reluctantly allowed Mikey to assist, gathering water and mixing it with sand. He was having a fun time playing with the muck and splashing it around before passing handfuls to Donatello, who used it like brick and mortar in his tiny colony.

Raph smiles every time Mikey cackles with his sensory beach sludge entertainment. He smiles when Donatello finishes a new house and in self-congratulation throws his head back and yells 'I've done it again!' like a mad scientist before calming and moving on to the next one. He smiles when Mikey finds pebbles and shells in the sand and offers to help decorate a few of the buildings, which Donatello agrees to. Mikey's sense of colour and design is still on point, and his additions to the homes make the tiny kingdom the envy of the world. He even uses his claws to create delicate and intricate indented drawings and designs on the walls, like vines climbing up the castle towers or brick patterns or flowers or stars. The two work in tandem to make the town a masterpiece.

Even though the trip was unplanned, everyone is enjoying it immensely. April promised to come down today after classes. Cassandra suggested that she might also hang out after a mission taking down another sub-par plot from the Foot Clan. He hopes they can make it. April loves the sun and sand and surf; and while Raph isn't sure how Cass feels about it, he thinks that she could use a nice rest and vacay.

At the very least, he's glad that his brothers are enjoying it!

"...Raph! Raph!"

...He didn't just jinx it all, did he?

Raphael turns to see Casey Jr. running up to him.

Mikey sees Casey running and whistles a chirp at him to say 'hello'.

Donatello waves a mechanical arm at him in greeting.

"What's up, CJ?" Raph asks with a smile.

"Rrrracing again?" Mikey asks.

"No, no... I was just... I need to talk to Raph..."

He turns to Raphael and speaks in a much quieter tone.

"Something's off with Leo," he pants. "I... I just had an argument with him..."

"That's not out of the ordinary," Raph jokes halfheartedly.

He regrets the joke immediately when Donnie glares up at him.

Donnie told Raph about the many times he and Mikey had been forced to listen to their screaming matches. And before his mutation, Mikey had also sort of more-or-less-very-vaguely-so-as-not-to-worry him-mentioned to Raph that their arguments may or may not have caused a few restless sleeps and nights where Mikey would just cry himself to bed. He didn't say that exactly, and he wouldn't outright admit it, but Raph had long since learned to read between the lines. He is fairly certain that Mikey couldn't even remember that conversation now, much less the many arguments he'd overheard before the invasion. Raph secretly hopes that is one thing he'll never recall...

"This was different," Casey remarks. "It wasn't even a fight, it was more of just me yelling and Leo simply taking it. He didn't fight back. He didn't even really say anything."

"What did you argue about?" Raph asks, concern growing.

"Just... the same old stuff," Casey mumbles. "I was mad because he didn't want me to talk to you guys about the future."

"Why not?" Raph is sure he already knows the answer.

"He thought that knowing how things ended for everyone would kind of... mess you up."

Casey sighs.

"Saying it out loud... it makes sense. But, not everything that happened was bad! A lot of it was just... hiding in bunkers and hanging out. Movie nights. Scouting."

Raph nods slowly. He knows that the future was scary, but even still... Casey shouldn't bottle it up. He might overshare and trauma-dump on occasions, but that's common for people who have been through a lot.

"So, what did Leo say?" Raph inquires.

"He said I could talk about it with you guys now."

"Just like that?" Raph asks, surprised.

Leo had -- in an inebriated state from the painkillers -- told Raph a Cliffnotes version of what Casey had told him. Everyone dies fighting the Krang. He knew that was why Leo had sacrificed himself, and he knew that was why he'd asked Casey Jr. not to bring that stuff up again.

"Just like that," Casey nods. "He was mostly quiet, and took it like a sad puppy. And then when I asked him if he had anything to say about it... he just went on a rambling apology. I've never seen him so... I don't even know what word to use. Remorseful, maybe?"

As much as Raph is glad that Leo had relented with CJ... This didn't sound like something he'd do. At least, he wouldn't be so meek about it! Casey is right, something must be off.

"Where did he go?" Raph asks.

"He portaled away. He said he wanted to be alone, and then... something about 'it being better for everyone' or something."

Raph immediately gets up.

"Donnie."

Donatello looks up from his architecture.

"Raph," he answers, matching the tone but with no seriousness behind it.

"Where's Leo's tracker?" Raph urges.

Donnie looks down at his wrist and mutters.

"Good news, he's somewhere on the island. It looks like he's near the north side. His altitude is inclining, so I suspect that he is climbing up the mountain."

Raph nods.

"Okay. Can you give me your wrist tech so I can track him?"

Donnie scoffs.

"As if I would let you touch something so precious that by this point it counts as a part of my person!"

Raph growls low.

"But I can send you a link to the tracking program."

Donnie taps away for a moment before a ping on Raph's phone lets him know that he now has access to at least Leo's tracker. Raphael nods with a grunt to let Donnie know he got it, and walks towards the beach.

"Sh-should I come with?" Casey asks, cautiously stepping after him.

"Nah, Raph's got this," he replies, waving a hand nonchalantly at him. "I'll call if something's up. But I get the feeling this is a brother situation."

Mikey turns to see him go and churrs. Raph pats him on the head to assure that everything is okay before going through the rainbow archway and trekking into the jungle.

.

.

.

Raph wanders across the wooded lands, following the tracker. The glowing blue image of his younger brother's face travels in circles around the center of the island. It takes Raphael longer than he'd like to admit to realize that he's climbing a looping path around the mountain and not just playing ring-around-the-rosie with the ginormous hill. Raph passes a troop of monkeys that hoot at him as he walks through their territory. Leo's icon continues to go around and around and around. Raphael gets tired of walking and wonders if he's even going in the right direction. He climbs a tree to get a better view. While climbing up he meets a family of toucans. One squawks loudly at him.

"Pardon me, folks," he says before continuing upwards.

Raph looks past the branches and sees the lay of the land. He can clearly see the island's dormant volcano, tall and towering into the sky. He spots something like a ledge around it, several cliffs that bunch together and lead upwards. He wonders if he could see Leo climbing it...

Nope. Can't see jack squat. Especially with his eye...

Raph climbs down and heads toward the volcano. After an hour or so, his phone chimes. Leo's icon has halted on the mountain trail, off-center towards the north-east.

The icon doesn't move from there, it stays stationary. Raph is curious, but relieved that he doesn't have to chase Leo all over the island.

He keeps going for the mountain, traversing across canyons, rivers, a lake here and there, sand pits, tropical gardens with flowers he's never seen before and spiders that almost look as big as Big Mama and snakes that are long and fat and could probably swallow him whole.

Oh, and a few more monkeys. Man, this island is really populated.

Raph eventually makes it to the volcano, and starts climbing up the cliffside before finding a rocky pathway that leads near to the top.

He walks along the path, rounding the mountain for quite a while. He wonders why Leo just walked along this path rather than portaling to the top. It's so boring and arduous...

And quiet.

Raph finds himself thinking about things, enjoying the peace and contemplating the events of the day, the week, the month, the year. It's calm, and he can almost hear his own thoughts as he continues to walk. At some point, he realizes that the reason he can hear his thoughts is because he's been talking to himself, making company with his own voice as he tries to entertain his mind. He talks about everything that's been on his mind, from the latest issue of Jupiter Jim, to worrying over Mikey. It's somewhat therapeutic, actually, getting to be alone and think things through...

Oh. So this is why Leo walked instead of portaling.

Raph is about to die of exhaustion and boredom when he turns a curve and sees a ledge leading out, overlooking the island.

Leo sits on the edge of the cliff, chin resting on his knee as his mask tails float calmly in the breeze.

"Hey, Leo."

The slider turns slowly, movements somewhat sluggish and melancholic. He feigns a smile.

"Hey. I saw you coming up."

"Mind if I sit?" Raph requests.

"It's a free island," Leo shrugs.

"Good, cuz' Raph's about to pass out," the snapping turtle gasps, slumping besides his red-eared slider brother as he works to catch his breath.

He waits in silence for Leo to say something. Leo's always the one to start a conversation, just like how he's always the one to try and have the last word.

But Leo is quiet. That's not a good sign.

Raph looks over at him. He looks kind of like how he did during the first month post-Krang.

Tired. Emotionless. You could almost mistake his demeanour for serenity, but he's separated from the others. Casey probably picked the perfect word. Remorseful. Something is holding him back.

"You okay?" Raph asks.

Leo had apparently been zoning out, and jumps a little at Raphael's voice.

"Yeah. Well... no. I mean..."

He turns to look at his brother.

"I don't know, actually. Physically, I'm fine. But mentally, emotionally? I'm not sure what to say."

"Well, start simple. Are these good feelings or bad ones?"

Leo looks away, concentrating on the ocean before them.

"...Probably bad."

"Oh. Wanna talk about it?"

Leo smiles a bit before bringing his dangling leg up from over the edge, burying half of his face behind his knees and wrapping his arms around them, attempting to bundle himself together.

"Casey talked to you, didn't he?"

"Yeah. He said you guys had a spat."

Leo chuckles.

"You could say that."

"He said you were acting strange after. I just wanted to check up on ya."

Raphael places a hand on Leo's back, scooting in a bit closer.

"You can tell me about what's bothering you. I'm here to listen."

Leo glances out of the corner of his eyes to look at Raph. His brother smiles at him, trying to make him feel safe and comfortable.

"...I guess I felt badly. About what I put Casey through. And I started thinking about what I put everyone through, and then he mentioned that I'll never be the Leo he knew, and... he's right. And it's stupid, because it will never happen, but... I'm terrified of what he would say if he saw me."

"Who? Casey's Leo?" Raph asks.

"Yeah I know, it's a dumb 'what-if', but I'm scared all the same. He was this huge monument, the king of the end of the world, a hero and an inspiration, yadda yadda yadda, more apocalypse propaganda. But I'm the guy who almost doomed humanity. I'm the guy that was so stupid and cocky that I got you captured. The brother that got Mikey and Donnie trapped in a tunnel with a monster train. The leader that brought the key to the Krang. I'm --"

"Okay, I get it," Raph says, stopping him from continuing. "But Leo, that wasn't your fault. You didn't know what that thing was, you couldn't have! You ain't psychic, and you did your best."

Raph sighs.

"...And part of it's my fault too, I pushed you too hard. I gave you the wrong idea about what being a 'hero' means. I just wanted you to take things a little more seriously and be responsible, but you just sacrificed yourself! That was a selfless thing to do, sure, and maybe you were just trying to take responsibility for us, but I never meant..."

He pauses, thinking maybe he stumbled across something he didn't mean to when Leo starts crying. Raph panics.

"Leo? What? What did I say?"

Leo can't speak for a moment, and Raph holds him close. Leo just shakes, crying into his big brother for what feels like an eternity. Raph can feel him holding in the sobs, desperately catching his breath to force out a meager sentence.

"...I ...I thought I was gonna die..."

Raph nods, stroking Leo's shell in long strides to soothe him. He knows that Leo knew what he was getting himself into. He knows Leo understood what being trapped in the Prison Dimension with the Krang Prime meant. He knows Leo knew that his sacrifice was just that, a sacrifice. He knows what Leo thought was going to happen.

"...I wanted it."

Raph stops. His hands freeze in place, his breathing halts, his head goes numb. He slowly looks down at Leo, shaking and sobbing in his arms.

"I... I wanted it to end. At first I expected it, I was just waiting for it to happen... I kept waiting. But... then I almost begged him for it! Because it just hurt and hurt and hurt, a-and --"

Raph is trying to calm him down, stroking Leo's head gently.

"Leo, that's not --"

"And I thought about the hurt I put you through! How much trouble I cause, how many times my stupid ego got in the way, and -- and I'm sorry!"

Leo wails, clinging onto Raph as tight as he can, afraid that if he lets his brother go he'll leave him like the sorry, pathetic, wretched little pest that he is.

"I'm so sorry! I'll always be sorry, I know I screwed it all up, I know I failed, I know I -- I know, and I'm sorry, I'm just -- just -- sorry..."

To Leo's surprise, Raphael pulls him even closer, matching his tight embrace. Raph's tail curls around them both. Leo can hardly catch his breath, but he's grateful for the tight hold that Raph has him in. It grounds him, it keeps him safe, he can't think about the infinite failures and the monsters waiting for him in the Prison Dimension if Raphael is protecting him like this.

"I wanted to... to make up for what happened.... I hoped that... that maybe it would..."

"No."

Raph squeezes him tighter, forcing him to stop.

"No. No. That wouldn't... Leo, how could you even think...?"

"I thought you'd all be better off without me--" Leo whimpers.

"No!" Raph says again, pulling Leo away from his chest.

Leo whines, trying to get back into the embrace, wanting to have his brother's comfort but afraid to see his face or meet his eyes.

"I just -- I hate myself, Raph," he admits. "I just hate everything about myself. I hate what I do to this family, I hate the kind of leader I am, I hate how I can never be real and always make stupid corny jokes, I hate how scared I always am, I hate it, I hate me, I hate --"

"Leo," Raph says, lowering his head to try and get him to meet his eyes. "I don't know how to make you understand, but I love everything you hate about yourself."

Leo stares up at him.

"Sure, you being scared sucks, but everyone gets scared."

"I feel like I'm scared all the time, now..."

"I can help you with that. And I may be self-projecting here, but I think the fear you have now is mostly just about us and your role as leader, right?"

Leo nods, bowing his head low as he rests it against Raph's chest.

"You love your family and you care about them," Raph continues. "You're smart and you see every angle. That's what makes you a great leader. I love the kind of leader you are. I really do. I was never really that good at being leader --"

"You were a great leader!" Leo counters.

"And so are you," Raph smiles. "I was terrified as leader, and usually I ended up causing all kinds of problems. Remember the hippo costume? The F.A.B. four? Or how I had us trust Big Mama? Or any of the other countless times I screwed up?"

Leo chuckles softly.

"Point made. But Raph --" Leo looks up at him, eyes wet and sparkling, "I really did like you as leader. You fit the role better than I ever could."

"But Pops chose you to be the leader. And I honestly have to agree with him. You might not like it, but you have the head for it."

Leo sighs and nuzzles against Raph's chest. His older brother rocks him back and forth as he continues.

"And I love your jokes too, man. You always crack me up, and you make even the scariest situations seem normal. Maybe it's not the best coping mechanism, but definitely not the worst. And for real, your jokes are hilarious, not stupid."

Raph feels Leo smile a little against his plastron. He can also feel tears streaming down Leo's face.

"And Leo. This family would be nothing without you."

"But --"

"Ah-ah-ah!" He stops Leo before he can argue the fact. "NOTHING. Without you. I mean that. You've saved our skins countless times. You take charge in ways I never could when I was leader. Our bros listen to you, dude. And beyond being a leader, we love you because you're our brother. And even beyond that, we will always love you because you are our Leo."

"But, Raph..."

Leo reaches up and traces the crack in his plastron, the hole in his shell. The scars under his mask.

"...Your eye..."

"It'll heal," he says with a smile. "And it was not your fault. Stop blaming yourself for something that was not your fault and start seeing yourself the way I do. Leo, I wouldn't even BE HERE if it weren't for you! You pulled me out of the Krang, you got me back to normal! You got me home."

Leo looks up at him, eyes searching for anything to say that Raph is insincere, or hiding some anger or blame. He could search for eternity. He'd never find anything other than love.

Leo bursts into tears and wraps himself around Raph again.

"I'm sorry, I'm so so so so sosososososo so sorry.....!"

"I know, bud."

Raphael holds Leo close.

"I know you're sorry... But I love you too much to let you stay in these thoughts. Tell me what I have to do to help, and I will."

Leo is quiet for a moment before looking up at him with a pout.

"Carry me back?"

Raph laughs as he picks Leo up and carries him on his shoulders back down the mountain.

"Sure thing, bud. So long as you fight those intrusive thoughts, okay?"

Leo nods, hugging Raph again.

"Whatever you say, leader."

"I'm serious. I don't like the way you've been treating yourself."

"I'm not exactly having the time of my life about it, either."

"Leo," Raph scolds.

"Sorry, but you said you liked my jokes!"

"Yeah, yeah," Raph chuckles, hopping over a light crevice in the path. "But for real, we gotta work on this. You need to stop beating yourself up and cut yourself some slack. If you can forgive me for everything stupid I did when I was leader, and for all the hurt I caused when I was krangified, then why can't you forgive yourself?"

Leo pauses, wrapping his arms under Raph's chin and resting his cheek on his face. He thinks it over.

"...I dunno. I guess I should, but I feel like hold myself to a different standard than you guys. I can forgive you because I know you never meant anything cruel or bad."

"And you didn't either, right?" Raph questions.

"That's the thing," Leo sighs. "I don't really mean any malice behind my dumb decisions, but I know every reason for those decisions. I can't give myself the benefit of the doubt or any grace for what happened because I know every dark detail. Even if it isn't a big thing, even if it's just a stupid mistake, like I spilled the milk or something. I still should have known better. I expect better. I can't control what you guys do, but I can control what I do, so that means I should be better about everything."

Leo pouts.

"And I'm not."

"Leo, you've only been leader for maybe a year and a half by this point," Raph reminds him. "And you had to fight a whole alien invasion, and you're only sixteen. Most sixteen year olds just have to worry about their drivers' exam, not stopping a war or battling mutants!"

Leo sighs.

"I guess you're right... but I can't really help feeling this way."

"You gotta get out of your head, man."

"I know," Leo mopes. "I just... don't know how."

"I'll help you figure it out," Raph promises. "We all will."

.

.

.

Casey paces across the sandy shores, walking along the waters' edge. The waves creep up and try to attack his feet, but he steps out of the way before they can get to him. He's been pacing for a while. Raph hasn't come back yet. Leo hasn't come back yet. Every ten minutes, Casey would ask to see the tracker and would check on them. After the seventeenth time, though, Donnie got sick of it and sent him a link to the trackers as well.

Casey looks down at the tracker on his phone again.

The two had finally met up and paused at one location for a long time before leaving together down the mountain. It looks like they finally reached the bottom, and are trekking out of the jungles.

Casey paces again.

The tide laps up and tries to get his toes. Casey steps out of the way. The tide retreats.

Casey paces.

He shouldn't have gotten so mad. He shouldn't have yelled. He didn't mean to make such a mess...

Casey avoids the waves again and watches them slide back into the water.

Casey doesn't pace. He watches.

The waters bubble and foam, tiny tides folding over each other and spilling into one another. They float back and forth, getting closer with each wave. They leave traces of the foam and bubbles in the sand as they recede. Tiny clams or sand crabs are revealed as the water erodes the gravel, but they crawl back under the sand quickly to be hidden away again before a bird can get them. Tiny fish with silver scales swim in schools in the deeper areas of the water. The waves crash again, coming closer to attack his feet.

This time, he lets them.

The water runs over his sandals. It's a little cold, but not uncomfortable. The foam covers his toes, grit gets stuck under his feet, a stray strand of seaweed wraps around his ankle. He sinks in a little as the waves drag trace amounts of the sand out from under his shoes.

Casey hears a rustling from behind him, and Raphael saunters out with Leonardo climbing off of his shoulders.

They're talking, smiling. Though Leo looks exhausted.

Casey runs up to the duo.

"Raph! Leo!"

Raph turns and waves him down, smiling brightly. Leo shrinks and looks guilty again.

Casey slows and fidgets with his hands as he approaches them, unsure of what to say. Raph turns to see Leo hiding behind him and breathes loudly through his nose. He turns back to Casey, and rolls his eyes at the awkward tension in the air. This won't do. He pulls Casey a little closer and directs him to Leo.

"We talked. Now you two talk. Patch things up. Leo, don't hold back. He needs to know. When you two are done, come and find us so we can talk it over with Donnie and Mikey and Pops --"

"I-I don't want Mikey to know yet," Leo whispers. "He's already got enough on his mind, and I doubt he'd understand... I don't want him to worry."

Raph stares him down.

"Fine. That's your call. But Donnie and Pops should know. And I think we should also tell April too, but that's your decision. She'd wanna know."

Leo nods in melancholy agreement. Raph waves again at Casey before heading towards the portal.

Casey and Leo stand awkwardly, each one shuffling their feet and shifting their weight while they try to find the words they want to say.

"Casey--"

"Leo--"

They both pause.

"You first," Casey offers.

"Okay. Um... I-I'm sorry for... everything. Again."

"I don't care about that anymore, I wanna know why you were acting weird and why you ran away," CJ responds.

Leo swallows. Casey can see he's shaking a little.

"I... I needed some time alone. I've not been... honest about my mental state as of late."

"What do you mean?"

Leo spills his guts to Casey about how ever since he told him about the future, ever since he discovered that the Krang killed everyone in the alternate timeline, he's been tormented by thoughts of how worthless he was, how much better for everyone it would be if he just... stopped existing. Leo can hardly even say the actual word, he can barely admit that he's been struggling with thoughts about his own life and whether or not he actually deserves to live. About whether or not he wants to.

Casey is silent the entire time. But things start to make sense.

So that's why he didn't want the others to know about the future... That's why he hated it everytime Casey brought it up.

Leo starts rambling, the words spilling out like vomit. At one point he mentions that he feels like he might actually throw up. Casey sits him down and helps to calm him. He still feels pretty queasy, but he continues to ramble. Part of Leo wishes he would just puke already. Maybe then he'd stop talking about this. Leo wants to stop talking, for once in his life -- but he can't seem to find the off switch in his brain and he just continues to sob and over-explain himself.

And Casey listens carefully. He sits it out and listens to every stammer and stutter and deep dark reveal that Leo has to offer.

Leo finally calms down, panting and heaving from the overly-exerting talk and the sick feeling in his stomach. But he feels lighter. It's good to get it all out and off his chest. He hates that he had to show this part of him; he feels like he revealed a horrible secret or a deadly weakness within him. But he's glad that he did, all the same.

He waits for Casey to respond. He sits beside him, quiet and patting his shell.

"...Feel better?" he whispers.

Leo nods.

"Yeah, actually. Thanks for sitting through all that," Leo chuckles half-heartedly.

CJ smiles at him, wrapping an arm around the turtle in a side-hug.

"That's what family does, dude."

"Some family I've been," Leo mumbles. "I treated you awful."

"You were scared and hurting," Casey states. "It's no excuse, but under the circumstances I can understand why you reacted the way you did. We'll call it even."

Leo huffs a soft breath that Casey interprets as a chuckle.

"So, uh... what now?" Leo asks. "I mean, I do not want to talk anymore, if I'm honest. I'm exhausted."

"Makes sense," CJ remarks. "I guess it's my turn to talk, anyway."

He clears his throat, and Leo prepares himself for another scolding about why he should have let him talk about his family, or another heartbreaking recount of the events of the bad timeline, or something terrible that he deserves because he deserves to hurt, deserves to suffer, he's a good for nothing wretched little pest.

"I'm sorry for what I said."

Leo's mouth softly falls open. He, uh... he wasn't expecting that.

"I shouldn't have said those things. I was angry and I wanted to get my point across, so I intentionally hurt you. The same way I did when we were in the tunnel and I told you about how it all ended. And that wasn't cool of me. I was being a jerk, and you didn't deserve that."

"...Well, I was being a jerk too," Leo articulates. "I needed the reality check."

"Yeah, but I could have been better about it. I was spiteful, and angry, and what I said was brutal. And you held on to that, and you shouldn't have. It wasn't your fault, dude. None of it. None of the attack, invasion, the krang -- none of that was because of you."

"...I wish I could believe you on that," Leo mutters. "But it was my fault. I was stupid and self-absorbed and I let them get away with the key. It was my screw-up that almost doomed humanity."

Casey looks back at Leo, who is slowly slinking into his shell again.

"...Y'know, there was this one mission that me and my Sensei went on," Casey says quietly. "We were supposed to help these refugees back to our hideout. But I got cocky and reckless... I almost screwed it all up. I thought I could get everyone out safely in one night, and I unintentionally alerted the Krang to our location. I could have gotten everyone killed, including Sensei. You. And I went through a lot of negative stuff afterwards. But then... Sensei told me something important."

"...What did he say?" Leo asks with hesitance.

"He said that I wasn't a bad person. He said I was just fifteen. Well, at the time I was. I didn't get it back then, but now I do. I was just a stupid kid who was trying to be bigger than I actually was. And I'm still a stupid kid. The point is, you're still growing up and learning how to be yourself and you'll make dumb mistakes. That's what makes us teenagers. So you should learn from the mistake, but let it go. Cuz' at the end of the day... it was just a mistake."

Leo stares at him before looking out over the water as the sun slowly starts to set.

He smiles.

"...Huh."

He slowly stands up and wipes the sand off before offering a hand to Casey.

"Come on. Raph'll be wondering where we are."

CJ takes his hand, and the two walk back to the hotel to explain to the others about Leo's dilemma and healing.

"Oh, and Casey?"

"Yeah?" CJ answers, pausing to make sure that Leo is okay.

Leo smiles. A genuine, bright smile. He's okay.

"Thanks for telling me that story."

Prev || Next

[basicallyjaywalker]

Wanna ramble about a moment/character in ninjago you think people need to talk about more?

I don't know who you are anon, but I'm glad you asked!

I am desperate for people to character-analyze Wu. I'm desperate for a lot of character analysis including Nya but since I got a lot of my Nya feelings out with some lovely folks the other night (edit: the other night was a month ago dw about it. this took a minute) I'm going with Wu this time

Master Wu to me is such an interesting case of a character who it is so easy to ignore the bits of the show that hint at his wider issues and traumas. He is a man defined heavily by his family and by his past. A lot of criticism he gets, I think, is due in part to that.

I've mentioned before that I've been rewatching S1 with a friend of mine and intermittently pausing to infodump on them about interesting character things I notice from that season. A lot of that has been Wu-focused because despite having seen RotS dozens of times throughout my life (watching it on CN, watching it on Netflix when only it and Legacy were around, rewatching it with friends) I have only just started noticing the seeds of character written in.

I might also just be reading too much into things, but hear me out

In S1 (and by extension, the pilots), Wu is characterized as your typical old wise teacher. In the first few minutes of EP1: Rise of the Snakes, he is chewing out the Ninja for playing video games instead of training. The line he uses? "Never put off until tomorrow what can be done today."

It's a line that gets repeated throughout the series. In fact, it gets repeated that very episode when the ninja go (pun not intended) to fight the Hypnobrai and a literal pre-teen. At first, it seems to just be a piece of wisdom. Some old proverb Wu's picked up over the years, possibly one he even coined himself. However, in EP7: Tick Tock, Wu tells the story of who, possibly, first told him this.

(Source: Tick Tock/Transcript | Ninjago Wiki | Fandom, highlight added.)

It was Garmadon. Now, I'm not gonna dwell too long on Garmadon, if you spend five minutes talking to me you'll learn he was the first character whose story I obsessed over and I want this essay to be about Wu, but I think he plays a role in Wu's overall story, as does Wu's family as a whole.

Prior to this, Wu and Garmadon's relationship has been more of a sibling rivalry taken to a good vs. evil extreme. We didn't know why Garmadon was evil and we didn't know about Wu and his relationship as kids. However, this scene establishes the backstory. They were, as Wu puts it, "the best of friends." That is, until Garmadon gets bit by the Devourer going to get the katana Wu lost.

Now, I know the Devourer bite was destined to happen because of the Overlord or some shit, but Wu doesn't. As far as he's concerned, Garmadon getting bit was a direct consequence of both his mistake and his cowardice. He lost the katana. He was too scared to get it. Garmadon went over instead. Garmadon got bit.

The scene goes on to show the FSM tending to Garmadon in the aftermath. Wu is watching from behind the door, likely told to stay back, but concerned. And in his POV, we get this intense moment, where Garmadon turns, looks directly at him (his eyes turning bright red for the first time), and says "It's all Wu's fault!"

(This clip should begin at the start of Wu eavesdropping. If it doesn't, skip to 0:58. I highly recommend also paying attention to Wu's body language during this scene.)

The camerawork does a great job of showing how this probably felt for Wu. It zooms in, Garmadon's voice echoes, and the background blurs. We see in the flashback that this is a moment Wu has etched into his memory. Not to mention, he was likely a very young child when this happened. LEGO characters' ages are weird, but Wu in this scene has the Big Eyes, which always seem to be used for characters under 12. We don't know exactly how much older Garmadon is to my knowledge, but he doesn't have the Big Eyes, so he's probably closer to 12 and a few years older than Wu for sure.

Imagine that. Being in elementary school and your older siblings gets hurt. They're acting strange. They're lashing out at your father. Then, they blame it all on you. They're hurt because of you. Wouldn't you internalize that?

I could go on about Wu's relationship with Garmadon, but again, I think I've spent enough time on it and I don't want to only focus on that. It's an important part, but there are others.

Let's talk about Wu's relationship with his dad.

Now, I have not yet read the Spinjitzu Brothers series. I cannot speak to any development of Wu and the FSM's relationship in there. I have, however, read The Book of Spinjitzu and blogged some of my thoughts on it here, including some of what it says about Wu.

For those who haven't read it, first, there is a Google Drive folder floating around with all of the canon spinoff books/graphic novels in it. Here's the link if you wanna read them!

The FSM is an... intriguing figure. I mean, in the series he's basically god? He made the entire world. That's already a very high bar to live up to. Then, in Book of Spinjitzu, there's a few specific parts that, when I read them, signaled that Wu internalized a specific message when he was young.

(Source: The Book of Spinjitzu, Page 3).

Wu does not want to disappoint his father. It is up to him (and Garmadon until he turns evil) to "uphold the legacy of Spinjitzu" and, by extension, his family. He says he was "very young" when this was explained to him. Considering he seems to already be training at an elementary age, "very young" means VERY young.

(Source: The Book of Spinjitzu, Page 16).

Here, we again see Wu being very aware that he has some large burden to carry. Something else interesting here is that the thought of the Green Ninja Prophecy is already weighing on him too. His considering if he might be the Green Ninja is of extra interest because of how the Green Ninja Prophecy and the--I wouldn't call it obsession, possibly fixation?--with who it is factors into his later actions, but we'll get to that later.

(Source: The Book of Spinjitzu, Page 19).

This one in particular gets me because it comes after Wu mentions Garmadon becoming more evil. It is a statement of power. Wu knows that the legacy of Spinjitzu now rests in his hands alone. He cannot let himself fall the way Garmadon did. He cannot disappoint his father. Whether or not the FSM intended it, Wu always knew the fate of the world rested, at least in part, upon his shoulder. He knew this from the time he was a young boy and it remains in his mind to this day.

Now, these quotes are indirect, but they all point to one clear idea: As a child, Wu internalized the idea that he alone is responsible for keeping Ninjago safe. He will play a pivotal role in its history.

There's not evidence in this book that the FSM's was a bad father, per se. However, just because one doesn't set out to harm their children, doesn't mean they won't. I often say Wu has an "Atlas complex," which I have no idea if it is an actual concept but use it to refer to this idea. Wu feels as though he is responsible for holding up the world, much like Atlas. He must keep the balance, he must solve the Green Ninja prophecy, he must make his father proud.

(Source: The Book of Spinjitzu, page 61).

I'm going to get further into what this means for Wu as a teacher to the current Ninja Team, but for now let's look at Wu's first foray into teaching.

Morro. Wu's Biggest Mistake.

That might seem like an overstatement, but it's not.

(Source: Ghost Story/Transcript | Ninjago Wiki | Fandom)

Okay he says regret, not mistake, but I was paraphrasing.

Let's turn back to his quote about his destiny. Wu writes, "Is my life's mission to be the Green Ninja? Or maybe it will be to find the Green Ninja and protect him (or her)??"

From a very young age, Wu was not only aware of the Green Ninja but prophecy but also thinking about his place in it. We see this again when he takes Morro in and trains him.

(Source: Ghost Story/Transcript | Ninjago Wiki | Fandom, highlight added)

A big thing Wu is criticized for here is making Morro believe he is meant to be more. That he is the Chosen One. And Morro, being a young homeless orphan just now given some semblance of power and protection, latches onto that. And I can see it, but when you take into account the above that he was trained from (likely) a younger age than Morro and given a similar level of responsibility, it becomes more understandable. Wu is just doing what he was taught. He doesn't believe that he is harming Morro until it is too late.

This is the entire story, but I'm specifically going to be discussing 1:36 onwards here. I also wanted to add that rewatching this scene made me lay down on the floor! What the fuck! But I digress.

There's a lot going on in this scene. For one, Wu washing his hands of Morro in some ways, but not others. He turns his back on Morro when he tells him that destiny has decided, but looks at him again when Morro storms out. He goes to save Morro from the Grundal, but decides that he cannot "teach those who would not listen." Most importantly, when Morro leaves to go find the Tomb of the FSM, Wu leaves the door open. He waits for Morro to return, but never goes after him. And Morro never comes back.

Wu gives Morro's fate a dismissive response at the end of his ghost story ("I am saddened he was banished to the Cursed Realm") but it's clear he still cares deeply about him in the finale of the season.

Wu's VA in this is phenomenal btw. That "Please Morro!" and "MORRO!" make my heart ache.

Morro believed Wu stopped caring, but he didn't. Even after all he's done, even after trying to destroy all of Ninjago--destroying what Wu had spent his life trying to protect--Wu tries to save him. He begs for Morro to come with him. Morro refuses, Wu watches him perish.

Someone else Wu is close to is gone. Wu again considers himself responsible. Everything is his fault.

And finally, we reach Wu today. A cautious, secretive man. He loves his students, this much is clear. Even as early as the pilots, he drops his wise teacher persona to joke around with them.

As with Morro, he trains them like his father did him. He even uses the same methods his father used when he trains them.

(Source: The Book of Spinjitzu, page 32)

While he is hard on the Ninja, wanting them to succeed and training them to help defend the Realm, he lets his guard down more than it seems he did with Morro. He also learned a valuable message from his experience with Morro when he hides the Green Ninja Prophecy from the Ninja, getting angry when they start to push themselves in the same way Morro did upon learning about it. It's clear he doesn't want a repeat.

Now, I can't speak for later seasons (I will eventually) but this fear of repeats, his students going down a dark path because they're tempted by power or greatness, losing someone else, likely drives Wu not telling them other important information. That is just a passing thought though.

Final notes:

I'm currently in the process of rewatching S7: Hands of Time. I actually got this ask right after finishing EP68: Scavengers, which opens with Wu having a nightmare. In it, he and Misako are walking outside of Yang's temple. While walking, Misako delivers this line in response to Wu reminiscing about the time they've spent together:

(Source: Scavengers/Transcript | Ninjago Wiki | Fandom)

This line, to me, is Wu's subconscious trying to tell him something he needs to hear. It's hinting at what might be his greatest flaw. Wu is haunted by his past, by his mistakes. He finds it difficult to tell others because of both his guilt and his desire to not put that worry upon them. In this very season, he makes the mistake of trying to face his past on his own, and he nearly dies for it.

In the same episode, you see Wu trying to make sure Lloyd doesn't make the same mistakes.

(Source: Prev)

Wu stresses the important of the team. It's as if he sees Lloyd blaming himself for what happened to Wu, sees him doing the same thing Wu has, and is trying to prevent him from doing the same thing. This is further emphasized when, after Wu falls asleep (well, fakes falling asleep), Lloyd says "Wu's mistake was going in alone. So was mine."

Master Wu is, like many characters in this show, someone who is more complex than meets the eye. He is not just a wise, old teacher. He is a man who, throughout his life, has made mistakes and carries the weight of each of them on his shoulders. He is a man who tasks himself with making up for those every day. He is a man who wants better for his students, his family.

Until the day he dies, he will guide and protect his students. And possibly? Even after death too.

[chemicalbrew]

d, j & p? for the vg asks :)

D: Favorite soundtrack?

I have a humongous list that you can see on backloggd and my website I barely update, but to keep it short, my four genuine all-time 'no game does it like these' favorites are:

Katana ZERO

Shin Megami Tensei IV

Drakengard 3

13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim

If I had to round it out to five, I'd probably add Jet Set Radio Future... I never had a chance to play or experience it in any way, but I've listened to it more than enough to qualify ^^"

J: Favorite system?

My PC, because it can emulate every other system!

I guess if I have to get specific and think about an older system I feel some attachment to, it'd probably be the DS because of how many good and unique games it has OR the PC-98 for how the games on it sound and look (I say this all the time, but I honestly wish there was a way for me to explore what it has to offer as someone who doesn't know Japanese).

P: Favorite genre?

JRPGs are my bread and butter, if it wasn't obvious enough :) If you want to get nicher, I'm very much into dungeon crawlers, though I feel like my standards for this sort of game specifically are way too high.

I sometimes tell people I like visual novels, but it's honestly a lie. Most of the time I try to get into one thinking I'd like it, but it never hooks me fast enough (this is why I have Umineko blacklisted, because I think I WANT to read it, but never do LOL). Ironically, I've gotten hooked on one against my expectations literally today, so my tiny list of VNs that impacted me might actually increase soon, but... yeah.

I also waste a lot of my time with various idle\incremental games because yay number go up, but I mostly do that to busy my hands while I watch something these days. I am addicted, yeah, but they come and go from my life.

There are also genres that I should hypothetically like, but I've come to think I just like specific examples of the genre, namely roguelikes and platformers. I am aware this is a side effect of how... nebulously defined the genres are and how I should put in effort to find more of them instead of settling for what I already love, but I also played a whole lot of 2D platformers this\last year and barely clicked with any of them save one, so...

[spaceiscoolart]

Hi everyone 😊

I hope you liked my last artwork of Hikari.

Now let's see... how ranty do I really want to get here? I guess I should just get into the tumblr spirit and spit out all the details huh?

This last artwork of Hikari was probably the most important artwork of my life so far.

When I first created Hikari, I knew she (and Asuta) came from someplace deep, deep within my heart. At that point, I had just started my journey of learning the art fundamentals in order to develop my "Art Style". I've still got a long way to go, because everyone always does, but when I look at my last artwork, I not only see the fruits of my labor, but I see Hikari. Whether it was just luck and coincidence or real improvement, what came out on the canvas is exactly as I've imagined Hikari's face since the very beginning. I know that for sure.

I've drawn all my life, and though growing up I was always pretty decent at sketching and copying other things, I never really considered myself very creative. I did it for fun. I still do it for fun, but that latter mentality has completely turned around for me since creating Hikari and Asuta. I'm in love with their designs, their stories, their personalities, their POWERS. And the best part is? They're allllll fuckin' mine baby.

What has this art finally proved to me? That I can do it.

Behind the scenes, I've been grinding like you wouldn't believe. When the time comes, I want to make sure that my vision of my characters and their story comes through in a compelling, relatable and believable way. While of course always making sure I stay true to myself. I've got a shit ton of ideas that haven't seen the light of day past my eyes, but today I feel ready to reveal some I've been withholding about Hikari. I finally made her sword! It was the final step after all.

So without further ado...

Hikari's Outstanding Traits:

- Her sword is "made of Art". It means the abstract idea we consider "Art" is the literal fabric of her sword. Closest synonym: made of "Molten Color"

- The markings on her sword translate to "KATANA"

- The sword is solar-powered, so whether it regenerates or degenerates depends on if the sun is out. At night while completely powered down, it gives Hikari night-vision

- Her bottom eyelashes float

- The explanation for why some of her hair is a different color, is that her morning routine involves using a magical oil on her hair that keeps it healthy, but also doubles as a dye

- In her world, her sword is a one-of-a-kind artifact

And that is all for now. Thank you so much if you cared enough to read that whole thing. And if you'd like, pleased stay tuned for more art and lore from this WHOLE WORLD I'm slowly, but steadily creating. ♥️

Alex

[madeofvoid]

Just FYI, it's kind of messed up to call Toshiro (Shuro) a 'bitch ass weaboo shit', regardless of your opinion of him, he's a Japanese man written by a Japanese mangaka. 'Weaboo' has really negative connotations with Japanese people, mostly because of how it's been used by people to refer to anyone excessively obsessed with anime and Japanese culture. I'm not even going to say anything else about the rest of that post because I can't even find the words for it.

People can enjoy things however they want, whether in depth or shallow. But please think before you post stuff like this. I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt and guess you were just trying to be funny or cute but that's not an excuse to act in a way that can easily be construed as racist, regardless of your intentions.

I'm glad you're enjoying Dungeon Meshi, and I'm glad you're having fun. Please have a good night.

Oh boy. One of these messages. I've only heard of them in legend. Alright.

Hi anon, I'm nora madeofvoid, and I've written four published papers on the subject of racism and ethnic diversity, as well as a few on sociology and modern culture. I was once the lead TA to the Dean of Sociology at my university. I have been a keynote speaker at events with congressmen in attendance. I have been lectured by them in turn at those same conventions(god i wish tampa 2018's closing ceremony was on youtube, what a riot). All of this to say, with full honesty and in good faith, that I am probably the worst person to open this discussion with in a freeform environment; I have no reason to be concise. Conclusions and TL;DR the bottom because I've had no better use for this part of my degree in 4 years and I will not shut up. That said, I'm not bothering to be collegiate on tumblr, either. Oh, and fair warning I'm not a good person. That shit is tiring.

You make a fair point. But the rest of the initial post provided context and perspective of which to view what I intended to be a haha funnee rant about a fictional man with a samurai sword.

First. Suspend your disbelief. Shuro exists as an analog of eastern culture as a whole in a world where the countries and culture as we know which (presumably) only exist in a handwavey "the east is where that comes from" fantasy way. Japan does not exist here, so I didn't bother thinking of it. This is where Elden Ring comes in. Another fantasy world with landmasses which are presumably analagous to ours and cultures that may or may not have developed in an absolute hellscape that are analagous to ours. But they are not ours. We view them through this lens as a way of gaining perspective and familiarity with a world that is entirely alien.

So, I have to disagree with the racism bit. Because it fundamentally can't be. And I, understanding this, made fun of the next best thing: his RPG class. In rpgs, there is often a class that makes you a samurai. be it the literal samurai class in FFXIV, or the katana/bleed builds in Elden Ring. In both cases, picking them opens you up to being called a weeb. I hate to say this specific phrase, but back in my day that was a term of lighthearted namecalling and endearment. Had I called him a squinty bug eyed rice picker, now THAT would be racist. Not to Shuro, but to actual real life asian people(to whom I apologize for that). And that's what you pointed out, so we agree there. Same with caling kabru a melon muncher. explicitly racist. Not to him; for all we know that mentalist weirdo has never seen a watermelon before. But that would be racist to blacks(scholarly designation referring to peoples of the pan-african persuasion as a whole. please don't make me go through my papers to find the citations)

I apologize if I put you off there with the most racist things I could think of as an example, but thats exactly what those are. Examples of what I would consider racist in the first place. Notice that I called Kabru a "mentalist weirdo" instead of anything else. A dig at his toolkit instead of him directly. Thats how to ethically insult a person, by the way. You could call me a wackjob airhead mad scientist, and that'd be on the same level.

I'm not going to say that calling a Japanese man a weeb isn't racist. Because I don't fucking know. You're telling me it is, and I trust your good faith opinion. Was Shuro's race what I was aiming at? No. Couldn't have been. He's not Japanese. His race is Tallman. He is a Tallman from the vaguely defined "east." And for some reason he has a samurai sword. Weeb shit of the human-noble-fighter variety. Anyone who has played an RPG will call that out. A better comparison would be calling a fantasy city guard a pig as a nod to real world cops. A dig at the toolkit, nothing more.

In conclusion, while Shuro's fictional culture can be read as an analog of real world Japan, the man himself is not Japanese. He isn't even Human, or H.Sapiens Sapiens. He's a Tallman. He is a Tallman from a vaguely defined region of the world that in some ways mirrors asian culture, but is still fundamentally different. Hater that I am, I cannot in good or bad faith toss racial slurs at him. Doesn't apply. So I aimed at his RPG class, human noble fighter with a samurai sword. Which, if you've ever sat down for a TTRPG or partied up with someone who plays that class in an MMO, they're all weebs. That in mind, I called him a weeaboo shit. Because as far as I'm concerned thats the best way to shit talk him without becoming a PragerU talkpiece.

You brought up Japan there, not me. And you responded based on your own viewing of a show, whether in depth or shallow, and applied it to the real world. Personally, I'd call that a surface level observation. It's too easy to look at a fantasy character from "the east" and call them Japanese. Thats only the first layer. Kinda fucked up if you think about it long enough.

Tl;DR You can't be racist to fictional characters themselves. The cultures they represent, yes, but only if they are explicitly from that culture. This is not an isekai. Shuro is not a Japanese man, so the rules don't apply. The weebshit comment was aimed at his RPG class, hence the elden ring references. Learn to suspend your disbelief when interacting with shows. You'll stress yourself less. Enjoy Dunmeshi.

[shellshockedgay]

Curvy Boi

Reader: Cis-Male (he/him).

Summary: Reader found himself in a situation. Luckily! The guys can come save there butts while also noticing the reader's butt.

Warnings: kinda smutty 👌. The idea is AMAZING. PLEASE. This is so shameless, honestly. Under the cut; just in case.

He was leading patrol when he heard a scream and a few pewpewpews that where far too familiar.

The four came rushing to your aid and they saw you paying down, but didn't recognize you due to the nice fit clothing and collectively agreed to help.

Leo straight up called you ma'am-

He can only see your ass, thighs and curves and basically went "Ah, woman need my help". Don't hold it against him.

And he pulls the whole superhero-saving-someone bit.

The speech, the pose, and he'd go bright red when he realizes it's you.

So he swipes his katana through the Kraang and walks up to you in slow struts as to not frighten the "unknown women" picking "herself" up off the gross alley way ground.

"I've got you, miss, no need to thank m- aAH- (Y/N)??" "Oh, Thanks Leo! I really apprec- wait, did you call me ma'am?" "NO!!"

It's actually kinda funny because he gets all squeaky and his eyes are darting around and his brothers are cackling. It's great!... For everyone but him-

Spends the next 45 seconds shrieking about how he did not fall you ma'am on purpose.

He literally forgot there were robots about to end you and goes back to fighting while his bros keep joking about him.

No, he does not live this down, ever.

"Maybe you should check on your boyfriend, Leo! He seems a bit scuffed up!" "Just make sure you use the right pronouns." "Yeah, bro. That's very important. Respect him!"

If he wants to get you away from the fight quickly, he YEETS you over his shoulder and just kinda leaves like "YOU GUYS CAN HANDLE THIS"

His hand would be on the back of your thighs and the other on your ass, fight me.

He panics when he realizes it tho and quickly sets you down at your apartment or house or whatever and is FLUSTERED.

He's also probably apologizing and rambling.

But he walks home like "I touched the butt"

He definitely texts you on the way home, apologizing home more time and saying he'd like to hang out the next day and prepare yourself for a slightly more put together, slightly more cocky and slightly less embarrassed Leonardo to meet you on your rooftop.

-

You had the audacity to accidentally call Leo because he was the most recent contact while your ass was close to getting kicked and you didn't even call him?

How dare you.

So, they get there to see the Purple Dragons and it's a quick fight.

However.

During said fight, Raph is almost too angry to notice your ass and curves 👌

Key is, almost.

Probably does a double-take mid-fight because your not wearing your usual hoodie and sweats and gets decked.

Literally. Just kinda like blocking hits and looking between you and the Purple Dragon goon kinda just bapping him because you keep distracting him.

If he gets shit for this from Leo, he will definitely blame you for merely existing.

Dudes not sure if he should be pissed at you for getting yourself in this situation or thank you for wearing those tight. ass. jeans.

Raph really hoped whoever made them has a nice and fulfilling life because you sure be filling out those jeans.

"You're a smart man, right?" "I guess?" "Not anymore, you dumbass. Why'd ya take this short cut?! You should know this is douche territory! Donnie, didn't you send him a map of the gang territories?" "I did." "SO, WHY ARE WE HERE??"

Yes, he yells at you like a mother, but he means well.

"AND YOU COME OUT HERE DRESSED LIKE THAT?" ".... What's wrong with my outfit?" "I... IT'S... GODDMANIT-"

Listen. He really does mean well.

And his bros know exactly why he's upset about your outfit. They totally saw him distracted during the fight.

Raph just wants you to stay safe. You are his friend.... Whom he currently wants to pin against the wall, but a friend none the less!!

He sighs and apologizes and the dudes are like ".. It takes us days to get an apology... He got one in 30 seconds..."

Anyway, Raph offers to take you home and patch him up but you refuse so over his shoulder you go. Instantly. Like *boop* there ya are.

And he will take you straight home and probably instinctively bap your butt lightly and just kinda nod and spRINT AWAY.

-

You guys where face timing when he noticed you try to take a short cut down an alley and is like "No, that's the dumbest thing you could do in NY, (Y/n)" and suddenly the Purple Dragons are behind you.

He sees you trying to sass them away, but it only makes them mad and he knows where you are so he hands up and comes to get ya ass to safety.

Comes skirting up behind them in the Shell Raiser to come hell.

So he throws hands, hits with sticks, and uh, yeah. They're the Purple Dragons. They're morons. Donnie obviously wins.

And when he wins in like the 3 minutes he was fighting, he walks over and helps you up.

That's when he notices the tighter clothing you chose to wear today over the looser, comfier clothes you usually wore and he's.

Yeah. He's dead now, so that's FUN.

His bros show up to see what happened and he tries to explain while you dust yourself off and check for cuts and he just

Literally keeps looking over at you to check out your ass and thighs and curves and he's 🥴

Donnie was blushing from the moment he realized it was you but ends up bright red when he tries to talk to you.

Constant. Stammering.

"A-are you ok? Did y-you get hurt? Did-did-did-uh-" "I'm fine, D." "O-oh, good-good"

Secretly a bit disappointed because that means he won't have to bandage you up and possibly see you with your shirt off, but you didn't get hurt so that's good!

You're his bisexual awakening, good luck.

Tries to be smooth, but oh my god he fails. Like he leans against his staff but loses his balance and just kinda lays there after he falls. It's cute but his brothers laugh at him.

And he makes sure your safe and they escorts you home and he totally isn't turning his phone wallpaper to be your face, shh.

Anyway, they head home and he... He can't stop thinking about you.

Probably lays awake that night just thinking about the events of today.

Bye-bye April crush. Hello (Y/n) crush.

God, those jeans did YOU SO MUCH FUCKING JUSTICE AAAAAA

No, he does not get sleep that night.

-

So, he gets an SOS text from you saying something about the Kraang and surrounded in an alley.

Mikey sprints out the lair with the guys, him at the front and fully determined to fuck shit up.

However when he lands in the alley, knocking a stupid droid down in the process, and they all go their own ways in the fight, he notices something.

You're not in your usual kind of outfits.

Usually you wore baggie, comfy clothes: sweat pants, big hoodies, even sandles.

Mike dodges a punch and notices you bend over to grab your phone that got knocked out of your hand after sending the text and he literally just stares at your ass.

Notices the curves that come with and just goes "😩👌" and definitely gets smacked for it later by Raph.

Dude outright tells you you have a nice ass.

No joke.

"Whooaaa! How come you never told me you have an AMAZING ass, (Y/n/n)!" "MIKEY-!"

And yes it's an accident, but it's also the truth so forgive him.

Everyone is fighting off the fucks but he's licking his hand to slick back hair he doesn't even have while strutting over to you with confidence even Raph doesn't have.

It's so funny, please.

Flirts so fucking hard.

"Hey, baby. Are you the sun? Because you just lit up my day." "Mikey! We're kinda busy at the moment!" "Shush, dude! I'm tryin' to get some! Are you free tonight?"

and he'd take your hand and kiss your knuckles while winking.

Like he knows he's cute, so he's cocky as shit.

Granted, he's cocky, but he genuinely likes you so if you flirt back, he just giggles and blushes like a school girl.

You make his little pansexual heart go budbudbudbudbud very quickly.

He punched a droid without looking while flirting with you and it's actually impressive because the head popped right off.

Blows you a kiss before returning to the fight.

At the end of it, the offers to escort you home for two reasons.

One; to avoid getting chewed out by the others.

And two; to raise his chances of getting a thank you smooch from you.

He literally sweeps you off your feet and runs off to your apartment.

-

It's actually 2:30 am as I finish this and I hope it lives up to how you wanted it but I had so much fun with this-

[downwiththemutantnjnjaturtles]

We Met Within This Screen (chapt. 2)

[Donnie x fem reader]

Sfw, part 1 here

Intellectually, Donnie was the best matchup for their leader as today was sparring day. He'd gone against his oldest brother many times, sometimes even coming out the victor himself, but today was just not his day.

He held his staff with that iron grip of his and waited for Leo to come at him. Donnie was more on the defensive than any of his brothers; he had to be. Out of all he was weakest physically but superior in calculations, but he was missing range in this matchup. Leo had a hard time disarming him as his katana could sometimes get lodged in the solid wood staff, giving Donnie leverage to perform the finisher in the short time it took him to dislodge his sword. He thought this time would be how that would happen.

"You're slow today, Donnie," Leo said as he lunged at his brother with a swing of his katana, forcing Donnie to step back. He was too focused on blocking Leo's rapid succession of attacks to respond.

Leo reeled back to swing his blade again but Donnie parried and struck his arm with his staff, shoving it aside. For a split second, Leo actually thought he was fixing to go down by this move if Donnie could hit him again quick enough. But his brother hesitated in thought, and without any reluctance himself, he used his other katana to put him in a compromising position. The match was over and Donnie was forced to stand down.

"Why did you hesitate?" Leo questioned him, lowering his blade. Raph watched from the sidelines with Mikey as they prepared to go up next. Since Leo was the winner, it was Raph's turn next to spar in his younger brother's place.

Donnie huffed and dropped his stance, putting his staff away. "It's just an off day," he replied. Splinter wasn't there to dictate today's training session and tournament, so Donnie was already on his way out to go to his lab by the time Raph stepped up to spar. But Leo sheathed his sword and put a hand on Donnie's shoulder, stopping him in his tracks.

"You've been pretty eager to run back to your lab lately," Leo said matter-of-factly. He was wondering what was going on, why Donnie seemed weirdly distant the last couple of weeks. He had gone through a very withdrawn phase in earlier times upon entering his teenage years, but now, he was legitimately making everyone guess. He didn't snap at his brothers, and he wasn't any more impatient than usual. But something was different. He'd been spending a lot more time holed up in his lab, which everyone began to notice. Leo wanted to know what was wrong.

Donnie shifted and shrugged, "Like I said, I've been busy with some projects. Also, it's not like I have much to do out here beside training and patrol."

Leo opened his mouth to speak, but Mikey jumped on between them. "You missed game night last week! You never miss it," he butted in. Both Donnie and Leo gave him a look as if to say really? and he added in, "Well, uh...not usually."

Gently moving Mikey aside, Leo wanted to continue, but he saw Donnie staring at him expecting a follow-up when he didn't really have one. Whatever this was, Leo knew that coming at Donnie with questions was not the way to go about it. So he stepped back and gave his brother some space.

"We all have off days," Leo said finally after an awkward moment of silence. "Just work on your speed, Don."

"Got it."

With that, Donnie turned to leave, and Raph entered the ring to go against Leo in the last match of the night.

Once Donnie was gone, Leo got ready to spar with Raph. As they got into position, he contemplated bringing this recent development up with the other two, but decided against it in the end. He didn't want to incriminate Donnie, especially with Raph's assertive approach to handling things. Donnie could be somewhat flighty at times when it came to resolving matters of emotion, at times a little too introspective, but Leo couldn't fault him—he had his own struggles with that very thing, too.

Done, finally, Donnie thought as he skirted into his lab and started up the game. He was late to the party quite literally; training lasted longer than he'd thought, and he was disappointed to see that his newest friend was online, but not responding to his invite. Did everyone get together and play without him? After a few minutes, he almost decided on giving up. The instance made him contemplate whether he even wanted to continue this. Perhaps he'd been too eager.

He sighed. And then the menu pinged, and he was there reading the message in an instant.

Hey, sorry I partied up without you, I just didn't know if you were gonna be on or not :/

Without even thinking, he licked his lips typed back, repeatedly deleting and retyping his message to make sure it was casual but not too casual, apologetic but not desperate—

It's okay, don't worry about it

Likewise sorry it took me so long to get here.

That would do. He'd be lying to say he wasn't feeling that flutter in his stomach; the excitement of something new got to him in a way that only a discovery in his research did, or how he felt when he mastered a new technique in his training.

Let's get started then :)

They started the game, and this time he kept the mic on, as she did. They talked back and forth as they fought creatures and enemies and looted things, eventually coming to learn that she herself was in New York City. He was surprised; suddenly, the world felt a lot smaller, and he couldn't concentrate on just playing after that. The time they spent became more of an opportunity to converse than to play a mundane game for hours on end.

At some point, she switched the topic to his whereabouts. Donnie's breath hitched.

"I'm...not anywhere near. So it doesn't really matter," he told her, cringing. If the guys found out—if Splinter found out—he would be in such trouble.

"Oh," she paused for a moment, trying to find something to say. "That's alright, I don't want you to feel like you have to tell me, you know?"

He'd muted his mic to release a deep breath. He got lost in thought thinking about how in that moment, he wanted to be human. If he weren't a giant mutant turtle, he could actually form a connection with someone. It was a very "Mikey" thing to think, he reckoned, but at times he wanted friends just like his brother did.

"Yeah, sorry, I just…"

"It's really no problem, dude."

He felt as though he could hear the smile in her voice. What did she look like, he wondered. He wanted to see her, but he couldn't ask for that when he could never do the same. If he could get her name, he'd be in the clear to do some preliminary lookups on this person, but so far, she'd been dodgy about sharing info about herself as well. He couldn't blame her. They were two strangers online, one with a huge secret and the other completely in the dark about who he truly was. For all she knew, he could have been a creep, looking to stalk her online and perhaps do even worse. The thought made him feel almost nauseous, how she could be considering that about him as a possibility as they spoke. But she seemed comfortable enough. Unlike him, who was still slightly skeptical of the entire thing, because after spending his whole life in practical isolation, he was at a loss as to what to say or do after a certain point. The conversation died off and both of them thought simultaneously about how weird the sudden silence between them felt.

She hummed, as if searching for something to bring up. When she spoke, he was taken aback—"Hey, I'm gonna be honest, I really like talking to you but this game is getting boring. Do you wanna chat somewhere else?"

"Uh…" he trailed off, mind shooting blanks. Oh, was it just a horrible idea. He couldn't keep the jig up forever; the truth was bound to get revealed somewhere down the line. He was fixing to reject the proposition, tell her that he didn't want to take it that far. She could be anyone. The likelihood of it being a clever ruse on account of the Foot Clan was slim, but the paranoia still worked ambiently in the background noise of his mind. But his other doubt stopped him—when would he ever have a chance at this again? He wanted to have the strength to say no and leave it at that. The loneliness that crept up on him from time to time had something else to say.

"Yeah," he answered after a terribly long pause of mumbling, fighting with himself all the way as she told him where to add her. He could have kicked himself had it not been for the fact that he knew how to encrypt data, and that as long as he didn't leak a word about his inner circle or life, it would be okay. It didn't feel okay, though.

"Nice! I'll text you, see you later, Bo. I had a lot of fun tonight," she chirped.

Before he could respond, she was gone from the party, and the mic went silent. It happened so fast. He was barely caught up with the fact that he was now receiving messages and prompts to talk, but he couldn't bring himself to answer right away. He had to refocus his logic; how could this be used by the enemy as a way to get to them? Could they have somehow anticipated he'd download this game and find this random on there? The more the thought about it, the more glaringly obvious it was that it was not the case. It was just too improbable.

"The probability of the Foot being able to simulate such a specific scenario in order to get intel on us is so slim, it is practically non-existent," he told himself as he finally pulled up the messages. He read through them. "Approximately a zero-point-zero-zero-zero..."

My name is (Y/N), by the way :)

Well, that was easier than expected. He figured that somehow, the name suited you—a fitting name for such a personality. But it also gave him a glimmer of hope. It made him want to ask why you appeared to trust him, as he could be anyone on the Earth over the screen, not his benevolent self. Which she had no way of proving, technically. But he soon came to realize the screen painted him in a whole new light that it casted on him. It hit then that he could be anyone. He didn't have to be himself; not necessarily. She'd never have to know, as he could wear a human mask and she'd be none the wiser. Problem was, the lying made him feel guilty, and slowly would develop to be the thorn in his side.

Donnie thoughtfully stared at the screen. Now that he was here, some of his anxiety began to fade. He found himself actually able to talk, someone to listen to his tangents and even build upon them. They spent hours texting back and forth about anything and everything until it was almost time for him to put the phone down to leave for patrol. He felt giddy, like a kid, all over again.

________________________________________

Had you ever been able to talk to someone this easily?

You asked yourself that question as you exchanged with the faceless and nameless stranger over your screen, chatting from afternoon to night. Time flew by in an instant, with him, and you loved every minute. He was someone intellectual, but funny and so easy to talk to that it was as though the conversation carried itself. After some time he came out about his age after you revealed yours. Oftentimes, he'd just present to you a random question when the subject tapered off and run with it, like now:

What do you think of reptiles?

Puzzled, you took a second to reply. Odd question.

Why do you ask? Do you have one?

I was just curious

What do you think of them?

The chat indicator flip-flopped between "typing" and "idle" a few times before a message finally popped up, and you smiled. You'd learned over this short time that he was a dork in a cute way.

Well...I think they're pretty cool.

They've got natural armor and you would be surprised to know just how fast a turtle can be

You laughed a little to yourself. It was such a random thing to bring up, yet you were endeared. Deciding you'd go along with it, you asked him what else he knew about turtles.

Well...

__________________________________________________

Donnie was wondering what he was talking about just as much as she probably was. Stupid, he thought, facepalming. His first time really speaking with a human as an equal and he starts talking about turtles. Of course he knew a lot about them, he was one himself—but for some reason he found himself wanting to dispel myths and misunderstandings about turtles as if they reflected on him, when as far as she knew, he was just a human guy like herself.

He groaned lightly and typed, thinking up a fact that wasn't too conspicuous.

Red eared sliders are semi-aquatic.

As he typed the next part, he caught himself writing "we" instead of "they", to his dismay. He quickly fixed the error and continued, feeling weirdly exposed as it was almost as though in sharing this information, he was putting himself under a microscope for her to inspect.

They can hold their breath for up to thirty minutes, usually

Holding his breath was something he'd tested numerous times before. He and his brothers had actually made a game out of it on a few occasions, with Leo leading at thirty-three minutes, Donnie in second at thirty-one. Raph broke at twenty-nine minutes and Mikey followed behind in last at just twenty-seven. The ability could be trained, nonetheless.

That's interesting, I wonder what it's like to be able to go underwater so long?

It's kind of cool, you should try sometime

For THIRTY MINUTES?

Shit. He promptly replied:

No—not like I can hold my breath that long, I just mean you should try to see sometime I guess

I tested it just for the fun of it.

Looking up how long humans could hold their breath on average (between thirty seconds and two minutes), he bumped the number up a little bit and added:

Personally, I'm at two minutes and forty-five seconds

He was embarrassed, partially covering his face as he waited for a response. Such a foolish slip-up; he couldn't afford to say anything cryptic. But he still was fairly sure that he had recovered that alright. He couldn't help but think about how awkward or weird he seemed to her. Who talked about this?

I don't think I could hold my breath for more than a minute, kudos to you haha

Anyway, sorry to switch gears all of a sudden but if you don't mind me asking, what's up with your family? You have any siblings?

He told her no. He would not bring his brothers into this, lest it be the slim chance of a ploy, after all. He said his family situation was unconventional and left it at that.

With that, he said to her goodnight and put his phone away, getting up to go get geared for patrol. It was only then he noticed the figure leaning against the doorway.

Chapter 3

[messinwitheddie]

Nny "Felt posters? Neat. I haven't seen one of these since elementary school."

Squee "They sell them at the dollar store sometimes. I like to color them in while I watch TV if I'm feeling too lazy to draw. I try to distract myself as much as possible when I sit still. My teachers hate it."

Nny "Distract yourself from what?"

Squee "My own thoughts mostly and my pare-- dad. The world around me, you included. Sorry... I try not to dwell too much on anything."

Nny "I used to draw to distract myself. I used to LOVE it. I mean, my drawings were literally the only friends or family I had growing up. I was actually good at one point... Relatively."

Squee "Really? Do you still draw?"

Nny "Sometimes I draw comics, but they're

horrible."

Squee "Horrible as in a lack of skill or horrible as in content?"

Nny "Hm...both. The homeless wipe their ass with the pages after they read them and justifiably so. I haven't drawn anything worth half a shit since I was 19, maybe younger."

Squee "I highly doubt that's true. Let me see your drawings. I don't care if there's newd stuff."

Nny "I wish oversexualization was my biggest stylistic issue. No, trust me. My work is shit now. It's not worth dragging out into plain sight."

Squee "Why does it have to be "good"? If you love to draw, then draw."

Nny "If I'm not "good " at drawing then the only other talent I possess is-- HACK STAB MAIM KILL SLASH HACK STAB!!... I don't WANT to be that person; not forever. I'm trying to reclaim myself...you believe me, right? ... Squee?...You believe I DON'T want to be this person, RIGHT?"

Squee "Uh....I mean that guy from the shoe store is bleeding out under the floorboards right now and he's like, the sixth body I've watched you drag back here since you came home the other day so... I kind of DON'T believe you... or I believe you're not trying very hard to change?..."*squeaky nervous cough*

Nny "........"

Squee "Draw something for me. I really think you're just being hard on yourself."

Nny "I...I wish I could explain why, but I just can't draw anymore...Screw it. I can still color, I suppose. Hand me the Ninja Turtles one."

Squee *smiles*

Nny "Which turtle is your favorite?"

Squee "Leo."

Nny "Leo? Really? He's boring, besides the katana he carries."

Squee "I like Leo. Leo's the leader. He doesn't have the cinematic personality the other turtles have, but he's the level headed one. Master Splinter trusts him to be in charge of the team because when it counts, Leo puts his brothers first. They can rely on him to have their backs. That's the kind of person I want to be someday, if I ever actually have a real family."

Nny "A leader?"

Squee "No, just someone respectable and brave and dependable. I don't want to be a Squee my whole life either."

Nny "There's nothing wrong with being a Squee. Ooh! think I might have a box of usable markers somewhere; hold on!"