#i've thought about this more in the past 10 mins than i did when first wrote the idea down lmao

[freyafrida]

✍️ Writer Asks! ✍️

Number four, please!

(Thrilling to have you so active lately, btw! 🥹)

hi! 🫶 thank you for so much good aogg content, i could not stay away!!

4. a story idea you haven’t written yet

i binge-write at least a paragraph the second i get an idea tbh, but my least developed one (like 2 paragraphs and some stray sentences):

AU where jem dies instead of walter (sorry jem). walter feels the need to Be There for faith since jem no longer can. starts hanging around faith and una's house in kingsport and falls in love with una. also rilla comes along to do household science and she and shirley and carl are the background comic relief.

(ofc i'd want faith to be happy too! would probably hint that she's starting to move on at the end, but idk with who. bertie shakespeare drew??)

also want to write jem/mary fic now although i have zero ideas for anything apart from the ship

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

This will be more of a personal post sprinkled with some thoughts on AYS?!, so for those interested strictly in shipping content, you can skip this.

I couldn't help myself yesterday to wait until my work schedule was done. So I watched the first two episodes during lunch break and work, while using the keyboard from time to time to not appear offline.

And then a second time in the evening, without as many interruptions. I even texted my sister to remind her that the episodes have been released (she has JK's songs on her playlists and that's where it stops). My tone was very casual, as if I just remembered it was already up. As if I haven't actually been thinking and obsessing about that show for a year now. But that's because I can't let this online, fandom "life" seep through my other, "real" one. I've always struggled with my feelings of shame over being part of such spaces. Which is why I avoided them completely. Up until four years ago. I'm still dealing with it. I don't want to tell people that I have an interest in a kpop ship and that it's been ongoing for a few years now. It feels to foreign to the image I allow others to have of me and this kpop stuff is childish to say the least. I've fallen victim to the talking points I've argued against intellectually. But life doesn't work that way. My rational brain doesn't get along with my feelings.

So I keep my thoughts about shipping, fandoms, jikook here. And I share them with friends and people that have a connection to it. It's why I have a blog. So I can post a photo of jikook holding hands at the beginning of their journey and at least 10 people will understand it cause they like the same thing. I'm not a loser on my own here so the thought feels comforting.

I didn't have specific expectations about AYS?!, but I felt happy watching it. It was different, but a good different. Having the opporrtunity to witness them from morning till evening without any interruptions painted an interesting picture and it's the first time to see some parts of their dynamic.

They bicker, they flirt, they get lovingly annoyed, they get bored, they get silent, they get touchy. It feels more real than any 2-min clip from a Memories DVD could possibly show us. I don't want picture perfect jikook because it doesn't exist. Being in stan spaces, all I see everyday is worship, a mentality that is then transfered to the people surrounding the idol. But I don't want JK to worship Jimin 24/7 or vice versa. That's not a real relationship of any kind. I want to see them treat each other like they're just people. Which is what they did. Too bad that some have interpreted that as negative when in fact all we got were clear signs of actual closeness. And nothing beats it like Jungkook's attitude towards Jimin being sick. Shippers/supporters have clips and endless arguments on hand to explain the closeness between jikook, but honestly? That first evening in the cabin when JM was in the bathroom and subsequently the next morning should be the sole argument from now on. It can't be more obvious if it hit us in the head.

It's not about needing confirmation at every step of them being a couple. At least I don't need that. In the long run, it wouldn't even matter if they're not. What's noticeable is that they appear to be one and that doesn't come out of thin air.

Is my mood volatile these days? Yes. Actually these past few months. Do I need this show as one of those feel good series? Definitely, because there's nothing else out there to catch my attention in terms of tv content. I don't want to pick apart and poke holes and question every single line to make myself feel miserable. Everything else is too bad and I am too lame so I rely on this show for a short, temporary thing that improves my mood. I don't care about other things, doubts or worries. I really really just want to enjoy jikook doing whatever they want. I don't have high standards.

[thebluntstudent]

FOUR ANXOUS THOUGHTS YOU MAY BE HAVING PRE-EXAM, AND WAYS TO RATIONALISE THEM ...

Also, a little commentary about panic attacks because I been there babs, in fact was there 30 mins ago~

°•☆•°

Tomorrow, I have an exam that I have been dreading for a long time. So naturally, today when I woke up a couple hours later than I was anticipating and opened up my notes to make the most of my last day of revising, I was hit with a flood of overwhelming anxiety and a panic attack followed suit.

I was struggling to move, I felt so overtaken by my thoughts- so I lay down, hugged myself, and did my best to calm down and rationalise my thoughts. This is how I got through it, and this is how I contended with a few of the emotionally-loaded thoughts that were driving my pre-exam panic:

Firstly, getting through it. If you are having a panic attack, don't try to push it down or ignore it- it sucks babs, but much like escaping a burning building by jumping through the fire, it's happening now and the only way past it is going through. So feel it. If you can talk to someone to support you through and ground you then do, and use whatever aids you to help calm the physical effects enough that you can start to fight that negative filter making you feel like the worlds biggest failure right now- you're not. You're a human, and if you didn't care about this exam you wouldn't be curled up in bed hyperventilating about it!

°•☆•°

Just physically calming yourself down doesn't help you fight the thoughts you're having that may be caused by or be the cause of your anxiety in the first place- so here are a few anxious thoughts I have had that you may also be experiencing and the rationalisation that helped me through them- in hopes that if you aren't doing okie dokie right now that maybe this will give you something to focus on and help you be the devil's advocate to your own anxiety too:

"I woke up later than I wanted to, I've lost important study time." So you slept through your alarm, or forgot to set one- fretting about lost time is only going to make you lose your mind and lose focus more, and the day before an exam you need as much rest as the night before. A few hours may feel like a lot of time, but you probably wouldn't have made the most of that in a groggy sleep-deprived state anyway. You're looking after yourself, you still have time, and that is okay.

"I have so much to get through, I'm never going to understand everything now." There is still plenty that you can do! I have been moderately unwell for 2 months and it has had a massive impact on my capacity to study consistently. There's a fair bit of content I know that I don't have enough time to understand at a first grade level- but I still have hours to lock down a little bit more confidence in preparation for the exam. Stop thinking 'I have to do ALL of this in the next 24 hours', start thinking 'what can I do to make myself feel a little more confident for tomorrow?'- as I mentioned in my last post, in just a 5-10 minute revision session you can go over a topic's worth of content via flashcards, and you literally have hours to go yet.

"I'm a bad student, I should have started prepping weeks ago/I should have done more." Hindsight is a bitch. Even if your reason for not studying before now is simply procrastination (which does not make you a bad student, it makes you a normal student- and also, a human being), mourning the time you've lost will not get you a top grade. You still have so much time to make yourself feel a little more prepared- you aren't a bad person, and you can still do something now even if you didn't a week ago! <3

"I don't even know where I'm supposed to start now, everything feels so overwhelming." take 20. Stop envisioning your subject as a whole (easier said than done, I know), and instead try to break it down into little segments of info you have to learn- you've already been taught the subject, so you don't have to learn the WHOLE thing in 24 hours. I like to write a list breaking down my module lecture by lecture, with three little check boxes next to it (though this depends on the subject you're doing): content, flashcards, practise. Cross off anything you've already done, pick one topic- one task you want to focus on and ignore everything except for that for however long you'll be working on it. It doesn't matter if you can't get through the whole list- every little section you do is another set of questions in the exam that you now have a better chance at answering. Isn't that a win?

This won't get rid of your anxiety like some magic solution, and it isn't always an easy task to dismiss your restless mind's accusations- but hopefully this is a little helpful for any fellow messy, anxious students out there who want the best but aren't in the best circumstances to get there <3 also, good luck!

[the-gayest-show]

Through the Looking Back Glass Thoughts/Analysis

I LOVED this episode. It was very endearing and honestly heartwarming (near the end that is) and overall one of my top episodes in the series!

First off, Sofia leaning on Cedric for help with homework is so fucking CUTE. Their dynamic makes me jump up for joy, and Sofia really trusts HIM to get the job done 🥺 Even when Cordelia appears and offers to help, Sofia is still adamant to only have Cedric do it 🥺🥺🥺🥺

It's a small detail, but I think Cedric's pose changes slightly when his sister is around? Like, he's got that hunch back pose that he had in earlier seasons when she's there, it's crazy. There's probably more screenshots I could gather on this but yeah.

The song that comes up in this scene.... mmmm art. Here's me ranting about it.

I think the saddest part of the episode is really seeing Cedric and Cordelia's past dynamic because I genuinely loved it? Like. When they hugged here it was so heartwarming. The nicknames (Cordy, Ceddy) were so cute as well, I guess when they don't use the nicknames in the beginning it's to show the deterioration of their relationship over time, and somewhere in the end of this episode, Cedric starts using the nickname Cordy again which really cements the mending of the relationship. (I did get taken off guard when Cordelia called him Ceddy in the flashback bc I've always associated it with Calista. Maybe Cordelia said it around Calista and she picked it up? IDK)

Cedric is also shown to be really good at magic here. Bro did a spell that was apparently "too advanced" or something? And let's not even begin to discuss the lore implication for WANDLESS MAGIC. BRO TRIED TO REVERSE A SPELL WITH HIS BARE HANDS. THIS MAKES ALREADY INTERESTING STF LORE MUCH MORE INTERESTING.

I find it so interesting that the incident (despite having no known cause at the time) was quite literally blamed on Cedric almost immediately and everyone went with it? Like Cordelia shouts "he ruined it" and no one questions this??? Not even Cedric fending for himself worked? Whoever said in a Tumblr post that this implies that Cedric was treated like some kind of bungler/looked down upon even before this is probably right. Because why else is it just normal for everyone to jump to this conclusion? His parents don't do SHIT about it, and I'm assuming that Goodwyn holds this grudge too (if eps like Mystic Meadows mean anything). Why are they holding onto this for so long? Literally I get holding a bit of resentment but everyone makes mistakes....

Idk this went off, but basically, oof living in your father's shadow was hard AF especially with one mistake people reference in your presence.

Despite this event happening over 30 years ago, it's still somehow the ONE thing people defined him for for years. This episode really further contextualizes his motivations for wanting to become king before season 4. Imagine being rejected from society for YEARS, being belittled and made fun of, people tearing you apart for a mistake you made when you were 9-10 YEARS OLD, it's crazy. 100% that took a toll on him, something you can see in this episode and literally most episodes. It's just really sad.

I'm glad that Sofia and Calista were able to help the both of them realize that it wasn't actually Cedric's fault (something Cordelia should've realized years ago, but seeing the event happen as it did was more a confirmation for Cedric than anything). Cordelia and Cedric forgiving each other was a bit too fast considering everything but I'm glad their relationship is mending.

Credit where credit is due, she sticks up for him after this and lets Cedric do his thing and lets him help Sofia without any ifs and buts, it's sweet.

Personally, I feel that Cedric and Cordelia probably still have a semi-strained relationship after this ep (your sister being the reason you were made fun of for years, and that reason wasn't even valid to begin with defo is not smth you can recover fast from in a 22 min episode)

Also, it's not hard to believe the circumstances wouldn't have changed if the incident were truly Cedric's fault, but Cordelia needed a wakeup call I guess, that works.

Want to mention King Roland for a second because dude. Why is your first reaction to blame Cedric (again), instead of the 2 other magic users in the room (ESPECIALLY THE CHILD. Look I'm a Calista fan thru and thru but logically the blame would be shifted there to an extent??)

King Roland I thought we were over with this since Day of the Sorcerers?? What happened to being NICER to Cedric and maybe NOT blaming him for every little thing? Idk that kinda pissed me off. The fact that Cordelia was the only thing stopping Roland from interrogating the guy... THIS BEHAVIOUR IS WHY CEDRIC TRIED TO TAKE OVER YOUR KINGDOM!!! ROLAND THE 2ND YOU IDIOT!!!

In conclusion, love me a character focused episode that develops a backstory as well as a slight resolution. 1000/10 would re-experience this again.

[greydiminishing]

8/13/24

I wanna start journaling in the mornings. I think it'll be really helpful for me. I wanted to journal yesterday but i didnt get to it.

*Firstly, I'm feeling a lot better than I was a month or two ago. I checked my grades and I somehow actually passed all my classes. I'll make a post just on that though.

Yesterday was a nice day. I woke up to loud construction sounds and when I looked out my window, I saw half a tree hanging in the air! It was a tree removal service or something, probably because we had a crazy wind storm the other day and the tree must've gotten unstable. But I got to watch the workers chainsaw massive chunks of this tall tree, then secure it to the lifter with rope and watch it get lifted and "float" to the ground, where they chainsawed off the branches and then pushed it through the chipper. Pretty cool, 10/10 start to the morning even if it woke me up.

Then I made hot cocoa and buttered toast and I had an apple that was maybe the sugariest apple I've ever had. It was almost too sweet. Organic cosmic crisp only $2.99 for 3lbs at aldi! I'll have to bring a bag or 2 when I go back to school.

I didn't get much on my todo list done yesterday. I don't know how or why, when I felt so good and motivated in the morning. I think maybe I was enjoying my leisurely morning so much didn't want it to end. I did do my laundry though.

I've been having a lot of good days/good mornings because I've been taking my adderall. I've been taking it pretty consistently for 2-3 weeks now and the difference is night and day. I feel human. I feel functional. (Escaping the pit of despair I was in when I thought I failed all my classes definitely helped too).

Every time this happens, when I stop taking my adderall because I feel like I don't need it when I'm not in school or doing any work, I end up feeling like shit. And then I start taking it again and the world regains color. When will I learn.

~~~

I'm going to the mall with my friend today. We're gonna see a movie and eat some tacos. I'm excited and nervous. I shouldn't be nervous, but I am. I think it's because it's a 1-on-1 hangout, which I'm usually not good with, but I already know I'm fine with 1-on-1s with this friend.

I'm also a bit nervous because I'm taking the highway to get there. But I literally took the highway two days ago, for the first time EVER (by myself), and for the longest duration that I've ever driven (35 mins lol). So why am I nervous to take the highway a second time for a fraction of the duration?? Idk.

Also, that same day, I drove my other friend's dad home. I've never said more than "hello, how are you" to this man, and now we're in a car for a half hour while I'm driving on the highway for the second time in my life. And I did so good!! (Minus one stop sign I drove past when we got by their house :P) We had some conversation, and I changed lanes smoothly, and it was all good. I was so normal!!

This seems like something I would usually freak out about; driving and awkward social interactions, my two greatest fears (and thats not exaggeration, thinking about getting in an accident, and remembering my awkward social interactions are the two main things that keep me up at night. They cause me intense distress. They are also the two main causes of the weird twitch/tic things i get when i think about something bad). But I was actually so chill about it. If I can do that, I can do anything.

[businessconsiderations]

5 mi

8:19a, 60F, 83% humidity, rainy, 46:56, 9:21 min/mi pace

Ran outdoors, nearhome, normal starting point. Ran out Ekana, left on Lockwood, past Hagerty HS. The next neighborhood called Stratton Woods has 2 entrances and is basically a big horseshoe. Entered the 2nd, ran the horseshoe, exited the 1st, back home on Lockwood. But since the rain was annoying me, reentered my neighborhood at Riviera. Right on Turnberry, quick left on Ekana, 5 mi mark just past our house, walked until the current song ended, about a min or so, turned around and walked home.

The plan was to run on Sunday this weekend, but my youngest son's soccer games were rained out, we were notified when we were already on route, turned around and came home. So we were up early with nothing to do.

Forecast called for rain all day Saturday and Sunday, decided to get my run in while it wasn't raining too bad. Light drizzle to start, picked up to an annoying level pretty shortly after I started, not summer monsoon but still annoying. Thought about sticking to the 1.5 mi loop around my house, but figured that would make it too easy for me to quit early so that's why I ran the route I did.

Not training for any race at the moment, and I only ran 3 times midweek, 1 fewer than normal (as I try to figure out what my go forward health plan is going to be, sort of the point of this blog), none of the runs particularly challenging, so this weekend 5-miler would only take me to just over 15 mi for the week, pretty low for my standards . All that is to say, I didn't feel compelled to keep this run to an easy pace. I just went out there and ran how I felt like running.

And my playlist reflected that, no easy pace songs, 5 Dillon Francis songs, "Runner" by RL Grime, then my 7 favorite songs from Brave Faces Everyone by Spanish Love Songs, a playlist more tailored to a PR than a weekend easy pace. But that's what I felt like listening to that morning.

9:58 first mi, 9:39 second, if I was feeling bleh, this is the point I would have organically finished with three 10s. The way I've been eating the past week, I expected to feel bleh. But I felt great, the music was helping, the rain was somewhat refreshing, annoying but refreshing, focusing on avoid puddles made me run more intentionally I think.

9:27 third mi, 9:05 fourth. "Losers" starting playing shortly after mile 5 started, my pace picked up. "Brave Faces Everyone" played next, the final song, my pace picked up again, 8:31 fifth mile. I was soaked, called my wife on my AirPods, asked her to open the garage and bring me a towel.

[thespoondrawer]

So...I did a thing.

A long thing, a wet thing.

Did I enjoy every minute? nope. Did I enjoy most of it? nope.

But, did I finish it? yes. Did I run every step? yes. Did I finish in 3h59m and 26 seconds? hell yeah!

THANK YOU to EVERY single one of you who donated and made it worth doing the thing. I won't do it again so don't worry...you will stop hearing about this very soon.

It was the hardest thing I've done physically, and almost as wet as the last horrid (virtual) London Marathon I did in 4h2m in 2020.

I AM happy, honest....but I think I'll only realise that in a day or two more. I'm aching but it's a nice ache and only going DOWN stairs hurts and I ain't picking anything of the floor any time soon.

BUT...without seeming arrogant, and I know Nicola Hunt gets it (thank you so much for saying exactly what's in my head), but I did think I could possibly hit 3h40m...looking at my 22 mile training run to Bedworth and back which I did in 3:00 including a fall at 19 miles only a few weeks ago...so 4 hours was a surprise. BUT as I'd written off that target by mile 20 when I was overtaken by the 3:55 pacers (obviously not MY pacers in the end) it was a pleasant one.

Why did it take me 20+ minutes more than I thought? why was every single step after Tower Bridge awful? I put it down to 'sensory overload'. From Saturday AM getting to London on shitty trains, getting to the Expo to pick up my number in 5 mins then getting back to the AirBnb (surely making this mandatory to do in person is all about trying to sell me more running tech I don't need), meeting Shiv and the girls who arrived later, trying to eat well, get some sleep, then getting up in Tower Hamlets and trying to eat something when the stomach said NO...finding out the Underground line to Lewisham was out of action, having to get 3 tubes to get to Blackheath (waiting for 4 trains before one has 3cm of space for me to fit in), walking up to the heath not even being able to see any of London on the horizon, queuing for the toilet I didn't even need because I'd been told I should, hanging around in the cold and wet for 90 mins then ALL that 'I don't know what is going on' in my head.

Once we had started it felt...ok....I did have a little space and quickly I started chatting to the lovely Amber who entertained and motivated me all the way to Tower Bridge....but then I 'let her go' to smash it in 3h42m. What I did know but didn't prepare for, I don't know how you could, was the noise, the cheering, the banging choons, the puddles, the desolate drab arse end of London for the first 13 miles (except a tiny bit of Cutty Sark) then another 10 of drab 'could be any city in the world' before the final ouchy 3 miles where you CAN see London but you just want to see a foil blanket.

4 hours of simultaneously trying to ignore the other 44,000 runners and having to be uber-aware where they are about to slow/stop inches in front of you, elbow past you or find a tiny gap to slip between them in a rare burst of speed. Exhausting and VERY different to a happy 13 miles to Kenilworth and back taking in the sights and smells of HS2.

Then the cheering was lovely, and I WISH I had put my name on my shirt...every 30 seconds...bloody 'GO AMBER YOU'RE SMASHING IT' whilst an older grumpier looking bloke got no love. I really WANTED to high five all the kids but by halfway I just didn't have anything to give them...

Then to nail my coffin, seeing so many obviously keen runners (in vests!) pulling up with cramp, lying on the street covered in coats and holding their loved one's hands over the barrier...thinking all the time 'my calves are going to cramp soon, that will be me' all the way to the line.

So...I've done it and that's a closed chapter I think. I know people say 'you'll change your mind' but I don't think I will. Those 34 seconds I think mean I don't feel I need to prove anything. I don't get my running mojo from races, medals or speed. Parkrun maybe...but I might have also reached my peak there with 22:03...

Back to solo running, early sunny mornings, podcasts on and my stats on Strava and fewer wobbly bits to motivate me.

BUT THANK YOU ALL for support, cash and love. xx

Especially Siobhán Harrison and my amazing girls who had a shit time in shit busy wet tiring London too.

Look at the face. That says it all

[zingaplanet]

Just spent an hour listening to Carra's podcast with Phil and I realised how precious it is because it's probably the only time we could get such a close insight on how Jamie's relationship with Gary actually is from the perspective of someone's who's truly part of their close circle. It's made me realise some really subtle things that would probably go unnoticed if Phil didn't mention it especially because of how much we might've misunderstood Gary as a person.

Few things:

1. I love how from the very start it's very clear that Gary's going to be a major part of the conversation and indeed about 80% of the podcast is about United but especially about his relationship with Gary basically understanding the experiences that they went through together. Phil even joked in the beginning that he wasn't the original Neville Jamie wanted on in his podcast and might've just invited him to scoop news about the other brother lol

2. I was honestly very very touched with the brotherhood between Gary and Phil. Phil said sometimes they really struggled maintaining that balance between family and rivals but at the end of the day Gary has always been a brother first for him and he mentioned how on the day he was going to end his contract with United, Gary who's always been critical about him leaving their childhood club just dropped everything and phoned Fergie demanding that he met both of them and they got a meeting with him in 10 mins and Gary basically sticking up for him the whole time and being the protective big brother he's needed in the worst moments of his career.

3. These inside jokes that they share about Gary that are truly endearing, show how they are both so exasperated and yet so fond of Gary at the same time. I've had my doubts in the past when both Carra and Gary often denied that they're mates but after listening to this there's literally no way that they're not at least part of each other's close circle. A lot of times during the podcast Carra often throws sticks at Gary, maybe making fun of his character or even at some point saying "Typical Gary" but Phil never corrected him, he just laughed along as if he understood how the dynamic is exactly like between the two, and he knows how well Carra actually knows his brother. He often sometimes says "He must've told you this as well," or something like "I don't know what he said to you about that day" but it's the certainty that he's talking to someone who knows his brother really well that actually made it so fascinating how much he can open up about their brotherhood and their family growing up.

This reminds me of the Co92 promotional video that Gary did with Scholesy and Butty where they were playing heads up with football players. And when Jamie's picture came up, the first thing Scholesy and Phil said to get him to guess him was "your best mate" and "your partner" which I always thought was just a bit of a jibe from the Mancs to Gary for now working with a Scouser, but now that I think about it more, Gary never really denied it and he got it on the second try, which gives a really interesting insight to how his best mates actually understand his relationship with Carra and maybe tease him a bit for having a Scouser in his close circle.

Carra's the same, when Stevie's making a jibe against Gary Neville stealing his best mate, he doesn't really deny it and pokes at it in good fun instead. It's in what's left unsaid between these two, really.

4. This last point is the one that truly shifts my whole perspective on their relationship because I feel like I finally understood why over the years even though they've known each other more than 20 years now, both Jamie and Gary are still reluctant to say they're at least mates on camera despite us seeing how much they actually like each other and are comfortable speaking to each other in the one to one interviews they often did.

So in the podcast Phil basically pointed out bluntly how he thinks Gary and Jamie are literally the most similar person you could ever meet and this coming from someone who knows his brother best is really something. This he mentioned not only in terms of work ethic and how they both understand football, you know working hard, winner mentality etc etc, staying loyal to your club (Phil actually said that Jamie would probably face the exact problems that Gary faced if he goes into management because of their similar temperament) but also because of how they deal with emotions. Specifically, he said that during his last day in United, Gary was the only person he didn't see in Old Trafford who wished him goodbye. He was kicking balls somewhere outside the main pitch. When he came back home in the evening, Gary was there smiling and laughing at jokes. And he said he understands his brother because Gary is the most unemotional person he ever met, he never gives hugs, high fives etc and he's not affectionate in any way, but he knows that he loves his close circle. That's why he didn't want to say goodbye to his brother on his last day at Old Trafford.

So basically Phill calls his brother an emotional retard who doesn't know how to express love lol.

And then Jamie answered, I know exactly what you meant about Gary. And he actually said that before he met Gary he thought he was the most unemotional person on the planet but Gary was on a whole other level 🥲. But what strikes me as amazing is that it's the realisation that both Jamie and Gary actually know each other's personalities really well and how they deal with emotions, although they never really talk about it. It's sort of an unspoken rule that I care about you, and I know you care about me and we don't need to let everyone or each other know by saying it all the time.

It's this unspoken certainty that they know exactly what they meant to each other and how each other's personalities actually are that really shows how much trust and affection is there. And I think this type of affection is the kindest, warmest of them all, my parents do this all the time. It's something born out of pure trust that can only manifest through time. Because they don't have to look, they don't have to say, they just know.

When things get really tough though, just like Gary did for Phil when he was about to leave United, we always see Jamie and Gary sort of sticking up for each other. Gary publicly defended Jamie in front of the producers and on twitter when he was about to be sacked. That tbh is a really bold move, especially given the nature of the controversy at that time, Gary's putting his credibility on the line for his partner. Jamie knows this as well, I remember one instagram live (they were talking about Ole and how the United gang always backs him up on sky) he asked Gary indirectly, whether when it comes to it, Gary would stick up for him and would choose him over his United mates and that was the only time we actually heard Gary confirm it albeit in a very vague way as these emotional retards do. That Carra's as much a part of his circle as his United family.

And Jamie despite him always giving the stick to Gary about Valencia always defended him in his columns saying what a great manager he actually is, as if he wouldn't let anybody have a go at Gary except him.

The other thing that is very fascinating is how Phil understood how unemotional Gary and Jamie actually are as a person, and how much trouble they have dealing with emotions and things that really matter, when both of them are known to be the most passionate, outspoken emotional fixtures in their club and in football. It shows a lot how truly these two are inherently as much a part of football as football is a part of them, that only in football can they ever show their emotions, their failings, their pains and their fears. And that is why you can see how everyone from Dave Jones to Micah to even Phil himself said how similar these two are. Because football was their first love, and really when it comes to love you don't need to say it to be able to understand do you?

[cherryblossombombs]

Pride month Idea #1

AU where Sarada figures out that her parents are gay before her parents know or come into terms with it.

Ideas:

Sarada figured out she was bisexual at 16. Curiously, she started to go online and research more about the LGBTQIA community and learn everything about it.

The more she learned more about it, the more she realized that her parents display the traits or examples of someone being closeted, or someone who might be a lavender marriage, and the more things started to make more sense to her now compared to when she was 11-13 with her parents.

It wasn't until she was 21, when it was hinted to her by her father. It was a rainy afternoon in April, her and her father were in the house watching TV. Sakura was working at the hospital for the whole afternoon.

After a 3-4 hour long talk, Sasuke admitted to her that he thinks that he only got with Sakura because he wanted to rebuild his clan and she was the only one who was willing to bear his children.

Sarada asked "but did you want to because you loved her?" sasuke hesitated for a few seconds

Sasuke: "I'm not sure." He answered "I wanted to rebuild my clan and fix the discrimination that occurred in my clan..... but I think in the back of my head, I kinda thought I would do it the IVF (in vitro fertilization) way because I thought no woman would ever want an 18/19 year old post war criminal......."

Sasuke: "I sometimes think I might have said yes to Sakura because she's had put up a lot with me and wanted me to just be well mentally after what I went through. So I decided to give her a chance. I thought the feelings would learn to grow into love as well."

Sarada: "And has that feeling changed? Has it changed into love? Could you see yourself having more children with her?"

"I mean, I could have more children and--"

"through intercourse? and even if you didn't want to have kids, could you see yourself doing that just because you want to and like to? I know I'm your daughter and this is weird to talk about, but I need to theorize something, papa."

Sasuke knows he's at the point that he can either lie and just deal with it later. He can just say yes and end the conversation, but there's a chance she'll question him even more. He already admitted to her that he thought he would have kids via IVF. But there is a chance she'll understand and leave it alone for another day and they can act like this never happened, but....

"papa, you've been silent for almost 2 mins."

"*sighs*......I don't think I want to that way. I dont think I like her in that way. I mean, it's not that I don't like your mother, I mean I think she's very smart, resourceful, was a good mother to you. I care about her very much..... but the thought of wanting to do the things my friends and their spouses, with your mother...I mean, I did do it didn't I??..."

"Yes, but, do realize that just having me isn't going to be enough to remake your clan right?"

"I know that, it's just that....I mean me and your mother have thought about having more children, I mean, I just had figure out a way to be excited to be able to....I don't think I am comfortable discussing this with you-- "

"I understand"

[Silence for 7 min watching TV]

"I-, I think my attraction to women is kinda different than others, I mean, I lost my whole clan at like 8 and wanted to kill who was responsible for the next 10 years, and then had to make amends for another 4 years, who in the world has the time to pay attention to women in any romantic or sexual way. it never hit me for the first 21 years of my life until your mother was willing to-...I mean, I-... forget it."

Sarada: "Okay."

[Silence for 4 mins]

inner sasuke: *sighs*, the silence has been too long, and I said too much to her. I mean, have an out bi daughter for the past 5 years

"Certain memories I've had about my clan....I remember having memories of other relatives, and I remember them having views and that "men and women must be the ones to have children. " talks about an uncle and how I wasn't allowed to be near or talk to him because I might become feminine or emasculated."

"I mean, if I wanted to restore my clan, I had to find someone and just get maybe like 8-10 of them and feel like I finally accomplished it and did what I was intended to do. I mean, I couldn't let those sudden thoughts, I had about other men, especially Naruto, get in the way of any of--"

inner sasuke: fuck--

*sighs* "I really should've just kept my mouth shut this whole time."

[silence for another 5 mins]

"father, tell me as much as you can, if you feel comfortable, about how you feel about your best friend, the seventh. you're in a safe and open space. no judgements, I just need to understand something."

[Silence for another 1.5 mins]

Sasuke: "*lightly blushes* well....."

-----------------------------------------------------

that's all I had for now. For Sakura's part, it would probably be about her discovered compulsory heterosexuality and an InoSaku or SakuKarin centric post. Sarada would do this part when it's been either a year after sasuke's admitted it (because he's under the impression that it would crush Sakura if she found out about this) or something.

[wheelie-butch]

how did you get involved with your wheelchair rugby group? there are a few in my area but i am not quite sure if i'm supposed to just like, email them? ask if they're doing anything soon and if so can i show up? i'm a most-of-the-time wheelchair user for over a year now and i'd like to get connected to things like that but i guess i don't know what to expect (and i've not been diagnosed with whatever my issue is yet so i'm using a hospital-style chair still, not exactly sporty but i've modified it as much as possible to make it work better). i am really missing being active & would love to be in touch with my local disabled community

ooh that's so exciting you're close to a few! I'm incredibly lucky my club is literally 10 mins down the road but some of my teammates travel hours.

I joined my club back in about September, I just messaged their facebook page asking how to get involved and they told me to just come along to their Saturday training to try it out. Now I'm more experienced I go to their Tuesday night training as well. I think most clubs have a casual and a more intense training. I'm sure email would work just as well, just let them know that you're looking to join a club and interested in a taster session!

At my club you get a couple of sessions free before you need to get a memberships and insurance so I was able to try it out but I knew from the start it was going to work well :) We get new people coming along every few weeks I'd say, usually they're just paired up with me because I'm still mostly doing fairly basic beginner stuff. At my club everyone's very friendly and respectful and welcoming to beginners, I hope the clubs by you will be the same :)

Don't worry about your chair, you won't be using a day chair, the club should have specialist rugby chairs you can use. They're reinforced and designed for the contact, it wouldn't be safe to use a day chair. And honestly, if you've been using a hospital chair please go and try it out so you can see how fun these chairs are, they're huge and go so fast compared to a hospital chair it's amazing! Whenever I get to training at the end of the week and get in my chair I just start doing laps around the hall because I'm excited to be back in it, it feels like putting on running legs after being stuck going slow all week :)

The main thing I can think of to expect is that it's really damn hard work at first. I'd had my chair for about 3 months when I started and I thought that had improved my strength but that was nothing compared to playing. It's a lot of muscles you don't use in your daily life, even using a day chair, and the chairs are heavy and it's a high intensity game. Especially if you haven't been as active as you used to be, it might feel a bit discouraging at first to get tired out and sore so quickly. I still get upset with myself when I struggle at sessions. But it really builds up your strength and fitness fast, and it's so much fun I really think it's worth the hard work! I just really wasn't prepared for how tough I found it at first, especially when the professionals look so effortless with it.

It's also a mentally intensive game, you have to think tactically all the time and pay attention for the whole duration because things change so fast. I found that type of concentration really tough at first. It's honeslty only the past few months I've started feeling like I know what I'm doing during games. Again, I don't mean to be discouraging or anything I more mean like it might seem like a lot at first but you definitely get through that initial confusion and have even more fun than the start!

in conclusion yeah it's a super fun sport, it'll really help your fitness & day to day life using a wheelchair too tbh, and honestly finding a good community of disabled people is just as important as the sport imo :) I really hope you give it a go and I'd love to hear how you find it! Please dm or send more asks if there's anything more specific I can help you with!

[storiesofsvu]

Just an honest question to someone who also is a server is $5 really a good tip?

Because I use to think it was you know in the past whenever I would go out especially to a casual restaurant I would always tip $5 to $6 but one day me and my ex best friend went on to eat and agreed to go half on the tip I was going to leave about $5 to $6 and she told me to stop being such a weak tipper because she always leaves $7 to $10 so she expected me to do the same and I did that time.

Last year I got a job as a server at Olive Garden part time, and it kind of changed my perspective on tipping. Most of the time I got $7 to $12 tips for each table especially on the weekend. And I would get at least one $20+ tip everyday so whenever I would go out to eat I would do the same. Especially because now I know what some servers go through. I ended up leaving Olive Garden and couldn't go back right now I'm at Cracker Barrel which is a bit more casual. Not too many people leave big tips unless its a huge party.

And don't get me wrong I'm not complaining about $5 to $6 tips but sometimes people will say things like you did such an amazing job and give me compliments and talk about leaving a awesome tip but then its just $5 which is common I know everyone tips different but honestly I wonder why do some people hype up their servers and make it seem like they're going to leave this huge tip only to leave $5 as a server I'm always grateful but I've seen some of my fellow servers get a little down especially when the its a huge party or they literally go above and beyond for picky and complicated customers with a smile and these people spend the whole time praising their service and promising to be very generous only to leave $5 and on some level I understand where the servers are coming from which is why I always leave $8 to $11 when I can these day at restaurants

okay. here are my thoughts. first off, $5 CAN be a great tip! it can also be a TERRIBLE tip. it depends on the situation. are you grabbing a beer from the bar before moving back to the pool table? great! have you sat down at a restaurant and had a server bring you a drink(water or something else), an appi for the table, an entree and give them $5, probably not.

i always think of tips as percentages, the usual ones are 10% 15% 18% 20%

20% of a bill is considered the good tip. a service industry employee usually will tip more than 20% if they're out at another establishment.

basically, dollar amount means absolutely NOTHING without the total cost of the cheque being brought into play.

i will never tip below 20%, no matter what. and like the bigger bills, the ones that are above $100, you do the math and 20% is only $20 and sometimes that just doesnt seem like enough. even if service is terrible, or i have some complaint, i will always do the 20, and then talk to someone NOT THE SERVER on the way out IF i must.

thats the rule in restaurants, in bars that you are at a table with a server bringing you drinks/food, or if you start a tab with the bartender at a bar.

NOW, here is my *personal* opinion on tipping as a bartender who only makes their money at the wood, meaning, people who come grab drinks from the physical bar and pay me vs starting a tab at their tables.

$1 minimum per SINGLE bottle/can of beer, cider, seltzer. for example, ours are priced between $7.50 and $10.00 so thats 10%. why do i think $1 is good? because you say "stella" i turn around, grab it from the fridge, open it and hand it to you, it takes no time, its quick and i dont expect much

$1.50 min tip for ONE single draught beer. again, not too much effort, but it takes more of my time to pour the draught, and thats time i could be focussing on serving more guests, making more sales, etc

$2.00 for a high ball (aka, one type of alcohol mixed with one type of juice/pop/whatever) it takes me more time to dive over to the well, grab the cup, fill it with ice, then booze, then mix then garnish it, then give it to you

$2.50+ for anything more complicated than that PER SINGLE DRINK. if you order something with more than 2 types of liquor and 2 types of mix, or it's shaken or the bartender has to go track down shit from the kitchen, or weird ingredients, you should just be tipping higher. if you say "this shot!" and then your drunk friend combats you and i quickly come back with the liquor you asked for, whether it is being poured or im all "what did you want?" remember you've already taken up a chunk of my time, so you should be tipping higher, and if i pour the originally asked for thing and your drunk friend who happens to be paying says "i said this!" and they are wrong, fucking make sure they tip. otherwise you're all the asshole.

it varies. i had a person a couple weeks ago who tipped $5 on every single order from the bar, they had max 2 drinks each time, we LOVED them. i had a woman who was angry about her server being too overwhelmed, i tried to make things right, i apoligized, said i would track down a manager, she ordered through me, didn't tip. i tried harder when she came back up, went straight to her and offered her the exact drink she had last time, i remembred her and her order, still, no tip. so, she got not as fast service the rest of the night

ALSO, at ,my work we get a lot of staff from the sister staff with drink tickets, some of them suck and hand us a drink ticket and expect the full experience. nah fam. hand me the drink ticket with a 5 bill and you'll get immediate service.

the SAME goes for if you have a gift card! if your bill is $250 and you have a gift card for $200, when you go to pay the rest on debit, it's going to ONLY tip the 20% on the $50, which is NOT right.

ANYWAYS, now i'm rambling.

TIP YOUR SERVERS/BARTENDERS/SERVICE EMPLOYEES

MINIMUM 20% go above and beyond if they go above and beyond

[just-like-playing-tag]

A totally self indulgent compilation of my favorite works on this blog of the year June 13, 2019 - June 13, 2020

I wanted to do this for the blog's first anniversary but then completely forgot about it lol.

The following lists are all in chronological order according to the date each post was first published.

Top 10 panel edits:

#1: Don and Gilda - Chapter 138: Demon serch (1)

Date: Jun 14th, 2019

Time: ~ 1:30 h

My very first redraw from my very first edit posted here, so it deserves an honorable mention. Back then I was young and inexperienced, I didn't even apply a gray filter (lmao I was so unskilled I even unintentionally scratched the picture, I hadn't realized until today). I'm actually very happy my first redraw was of Don, boy deserves all the love.

#2: Emma and Ray - Chapter 140: I’m Here!

Date: Jun 28th, 2019

Time: ~ 1 h

Back then this looked like so much work to me!!! And to this day, I think it turned out pretty well. I'm particularly proud of how the bow turned out. This is one I was really proud of right after having finished it; it gave me the confidence to try redrawing bigger areas. Also, the edit were I first applied the opacity of layer / opacity of brush for the gray filter that would have stuck with me.

#3: Krone's birthday edit

Date: Jul 15th, 2019

Time: 15 mins

I don't know I just really like how Krone's hair vanish to a more sketch-like style here– and consequently, how I managed to replicate such effect. I think Krone's beautiful.

#4: Emma, Norman and Ray - Chapter 153: Coward

Date: Oct 4th, 2019

Time: 4:07 h (and 67 layers lmao)

Probably the single panel redraw I'm the most proud of. That Norman panel was beautiful and very poignant at the end of a chapter I adored, so I believe it deserved all the time I've spent working on it. It's far from being perfect - the back of his head is too plain, and the difference between my brushes and the original brushes is pretty visible - but I still like it very much and am extremely attached to it. The horn looks kinda big but I honestly believe it to be more of an issue with the original than with what I had redrawn lol. Funny enough, the whole picture didn't make it to the final edit and had to be trimmed.

#5: Full Score Trio - Chapter 154: A Breakthrough

Date: Oct 11th, 2019

Time: 29 mins

I don't have a particular reason for this I just think Emma's hair turned out amazing. It took just half an hour and I didn't even use references like. Wow. @Redrawing skills where did you go please come back

#6: Mujika and Queen Legravalima - Chapter 158: The Reason I Was Born

Date: Nov 17th, 2019

Time: 2:09 h

Sis I love this so freaking much. The shift from redrawing almost exclusively people and clothes to redrawing this mess was so fun and refreshing. Even though it's a mess I think it turned out very clean and overall it looks beautiful? I remember after finishing this I felt so powerful, like now that I had redrawn this thing I would have been able to redraw anything I set my mind on lol.

#7: Emma - Chapter 161: Never Be Alone

Date: Dec 13th, 2019

Time: 57 mins

Again no particular reason except this is a very cute Emma and I think the redraw turned out pretty well. There's this big lock on the left that doesn't make a lot of sense but overall I really like it. Cute Emma is cute, and I love her determination.

#8: Emma - Chapter 166: Going Back Home

Date: Mar 9th, 2020

Time: 3:45 h

I'M SO FREAKING PROUD OF THAT RIFFLE I have not the slightlest idea why this took so damn long BUT I'M SO PROUD OF IT

#9: Norman's birthday edit

Date: Mar 21st, 2020

Time: 1:04 h

This is cool! I didn't know I could manage to draw this, but I did it! The feathers were particularly hard to clean but I think they turned out fine.

#10: Full Score Trio - Chapter 174: A New World (part 1)

Date: Apr 6th, 2020

Time: 2:11 h

I just think they're very pretty? I can't understand if I like Ray's face a lot, or not at all, but I think overall there was a lot to redraw and it turned out pretty cute! Sorry Gillian.

(Also insert pretty much every panel from the chapter 177 Isabella edit– I've spent so many hours on basically every panel there's no way I could choose only one).

Top 5 edits as whole:

#1: Emma and Ray - Chapter 140: I’m Here!

Date: Jun 29th, 2019

Complessive time: 2:57+ h

The very first edit I'm actually proud of; I'm really attached to it. It's the first edit I had put all of my effort into, and I remember feeling anxious people would have left it without notes. It kinda feels weird to think about it now, because I really don't care about notes anymore; yet, it somehow makes me happy to think that past-me wasn't let down. Thank you @neverlandstrio for your support, you may not remember but it really meant a lot to me back then! And it still makes me smile. You're the best!!!!!!

#2: Mujika and Queen Legravalima - Chapter 158: The Reason I Was Born

Date: Nov 20th, 2019

Complessive time: 7:12+ hours

This whole edit was an hella wild ride. It's midnight before a school day, when I think: "Mh, it's been a while since I last made an edit, why not make one about Musica and the queen from the last chapter?" And seven hours after this was born. I'm particularly proud of the queen's redraws on the 3rd, 7th and 9th picture (ofc), the areas which have been redrawn are pretty huge yet I think the difference with the original is almost impossible to notice?? @Redrawing skills where did you go please come back (part 2)

#3: Emma - Chapter 174: A New World (part 1)

Date: Apr 12th, 2020

Complessive time: 6:53+ h

I think the panels that were selected work very well together, especially considering the close-up / full body alternation. I love Emma, and I've always been kinda sad noticing that edits that focus one her take the less notes... She deserves all the love. Also, fun fact: for the last but one panel, I had redrawn Emma's whole left ear before remembering she doesn't have one, so I had to redraw the panel from the start. Besides from the error with the ear, the reason why this (and all the others after) took so long is because official panel take way longer to clean.

#4: Isabella and her children - Chapter 177: Mother

Date: May 22nd, 2020

Complessive time: 13:41+ h (ahah.)

Lmao tbh I can't understand how this has so few notes it's like. Technically speaking, probably the best edit I've ever done. I don't even like Isabella that much, I haven't got the slightlest idea why I decided to spend so many hours on this. Anyway, I find the composition (full body on the left / headshots on the right) really good looking in this as well! And I think the redraws turned out fine, especially Isabella's.

#5: The Promised Neverland manga ending countdown→ 1/7 chapters: chapter 1 - Grace Field House

Date: Jun 9th, 2020

Complessive time: 1:59+ h

I don't know how I came up with that idea for the composition but I find it really beautiful??? I think it does a pretty good job conveying the sudden, terrific shift of atmosphere from the first chapter, and I think that sharp bridge is very nice. I'm very, very proud of this.

Honorable mention #1: Full Score Trio - Chapter 154: A Breakthrough

Date: Oct 13th, 2019

Complessive time: 3:44+ h (+ 1:13 h of working on a panel that ultimately didn't make it to the final edit)

A very good chapter, and the edit turned out surprisingly amazing??? All the redraws look great and make it almost impossible to distinguish them from the original; honestly I feel like I'll never be able to redraw so neatly again lol.

Honorable mention #2: Don and Gilda (+ Norman) - Chapter 160: Shackles

Date: Dec 11th, 2019

Complessive time: 3:14+ h

That one is really one of my favorite scenes; I'm telling you peoples, Gilda and Don are a blessing to the earth. I think I've never mentioned it, but Gilda's hair is a nightmare to redraw??? More specifically, it takes me h o u r s to fill the texture without making it look too weird, it's the worst.

Honorable mention #3: Norman and Ray - Chapter 179: Compensation

Date: Jun 6th, 2020

Complessive time: 4:16+ h

I was so glad to finally be able to make a Norman / Ray edit, and it turned out it was just in time before the series' finale. I like how it turned out and I'm pretty satisfied with the redraws (even though my sister helped me with the lineart of some panels - it was exams time and I really couldn't afford to spend more time on it), too bad we didn't have more chapters that focused on the boys. Ray sweetie one day I'll fix your ear it's just today's not that day.

Btw, I justed realized I have never done an Emma / Norman centered edit? I'll have to make one eventually. I remember considering focusing on them alone for the chapter 154 one, but then I thought "even if the manga is gonna ignore Ray, I will chose to do not" lol.

Top 5 long posts:

#1: Reconstruction of how the Grace Field children were settled in the three bedrooms

Date: Aug 28th, 2019

I just had really a lot of fun doing it. I love putting all the little things to their own place, it's so calming to do and that's why I love making this kind of things. Also, loved how @temporoom contributed to the post! It was so nice of them to add what they had noticed to come up with more exact conclusions, that's one of the things I love the most about the internet.

#2: A study of how many times the characters of The Promised Neverland call each other through the first season of the anime

Date: Sep 10th, 2019

I REALLY LOVE IT! I mean it *was* kinda stressing to note everything, but it was very also very satisfying to see everything methodically divided and organized! And it's not just that– it's also the fact that it looks good. That's one post I have fun rereading because it's actually pretty! Also, even though it can be very stressing to learn to use new programs and sites, it's always very satisfying to look at the final result. Again, I really adore compiling these tiny little details! I would love to make more posts of that kind if i had the time.

#3: The Promised Neverland musicals headcanons

Date: Oct 27th, 2019

I mean it's literally. Putting my two favorite fandoms together how could I not love it. This is another one I really enjoy rereading, I find all the musical / character associations so fitting! I really want to make a second part, I hope to find some time to do it.

#4: Considerations on the reward / eventual series' finales (and Emma's sacrifice)

Date: May 7th, 2020

It's always nice to put down all your thoughts regarding a particular matter. It can take a lot of time (at least for me it does because... I need time to think about things), but it's so satisfying to see all of them there once you're done. Bonus points when, like in this case, it was something asked by someone else because “Wow! Somebody wants to hear my opinion on this subject! I'm flattered (◍•ᴗ•◍)”

#5: Some other considerations on the series' finale and Emma sacrificing herself

Date: Jun 13th, 2020

Pretty much the same as above. It's like some kind of clarity when the post is done and signed. Another fun fact, I had to censore the post a lot; the first version was extremely sharp and harsh, but I believe it's right to express your opinions calmly and politely.

Bonus: A thread of what the tpn characters would wear at the Oscars

Date: Feb 9th, 2020

Imagining all the children in those pretty dresses makes me so incredibly happy (╥﹏╥) I go back to look at that post a lot. I really love red carpets, I love looking at pretty dresses!!!!!

Lmao it's so funny how the post of mine I like the most are also the ones with the less notes

Anyway this was just a personal report! You don't have to read it all (or any of it actually). But it was indeed fun making it! Here's to many more months in the fandom!!!

[v-hope]

You're his celebrity crush and meet at an awards show

Pairings: OT7 x International Artist!Reader

Genre: Fluff, crack ig

Request: "hii ! i love your work and i've been having major feels with the boys at the bbmas so i was wondring if you could write a reaction for u being an artist they have a crush on and they meet you at an awards show and it's all cute and stuff?? 💜"

A/N: I really loved writing this! I'm just gonna do what I do with Shipping Material, for those of you who don't know hahah:

“English”

«Korean»

Kim Seokjin

“You know BTS?”

You couldn't help but giggle at the man's words, nodding your head right after, for there was really no other answer to that.

When you had gone to the restroom earlier that night, only to find people waiting outside of it because of how full it was, you had considered turning around and coming back some time later, but it just so happened that no other than Kim Seokjin had arrived two seconds after you, and had decided not to let his chance to talk to you slip away; even if he didn't have Namjoon to translate for him.

So now here you were, both of you not even bothering on lining up anymore, and instead moving aside not to block the way.

“Who doesn't know BTS at this point?” you answered after having uselessly tried to conceal your smile, raising one of your eyebrows and earning a proud yet shy smile from Jin. “You know Y/N?” it was your turn to cheekily ask.

He stretched his arms out before folding them over his chest as he leaned against the wall. “Ah, yes” he tried to play it cool, “very beautiful” he nodded like it was a fact, bringing immediate heat to your face, “voice… yeah” he emphasized, holding one of his thumbs up.

You gazed down in embarrassment, allowing another laugh to escape your throat – an action of yours he found to be quite adorable.

“I'd have to say the same about Kim Seokjin then” your eyes locked with his once more, ones that had sparkled at the fact that you actually knew his name. “10/10 vocals and looks”.

At that, he unsuccessfully tried to erase the smile that had already formed on his lips – his ears turning a furious red.

“Me? Oh, no” he denied, waving his hands in front of him, “no... you are best”.

Out of your mouth came what was a mix of a scoff and a laugh. “What? No way, hear me out–”

Who would've thought your first interaction ever would turn into a ‘no, you're better’ contest. At least you made him comfortable enough to fight you from the beginning.

Min Yoongi

“You mind if I join you?”

Yoongi's head snapped up at the sound of an unfamiliar voice, his eyes opening wide in shock when he realised he had no other than you in front of him.

Being too caught up in the sight of you, he could do nothing but absently shake his head, moving a little to the side for you to sit next to him.

“Why are you here and not inside?” you wondered in an attempt of making small talk.

“Um, air” he motioned around.

“It does get a little suffocating inside, huh?” you leaned back to take a better look at him.

He simply nodded his head, gazing down to his lap before a small smile took over his factions.

“You're sure I'm not bothering you?” you worried, noticing how quiet he was. “I didn't know you'd be here, I can leave if–”

“I'm just…” he interrupted you, looking up to lock eyes with you, “shy...” he admitted sheepishly.

Not only because he was insecure about his English, but also because it was you.

Your lips curved up as you stared fondly at him. “Okay then” you looked ahead, “let's just stay quiet for a while if that makes you feel better”.

So the two of you did just that; remaining silent for a little while, doing nothing but enjoy each other's company. Anyone who saw you would've thought it was such an awkward scene, but it was the complete opposite, actually. It was weird to find a stranger you could be so comfortable around with. It was nice, for both of you.

«Yah! Yoongi, we've been looking for you everywhere» the quiet atmosphere was disrupted faster than you'd have wanted to by Seokjin. “Oh, hello…” he awkwardly greeted you, receiving a smile from you before his eyes were back on Yoon. «They're announcing the Top Artist Award, come on!»

At the sound of that, Yoongi stood up immediately. “Sorry, I have to go, uh– award...” he spoke softly, almost scared of messing up his English.

Biting your lip, you squinted your eyes as you looked up at him. “Go get ‘em, tiger” you encouraged him with a grin, watching for the first time in person his signature gummy smile.

Thinking for a second before turning around to leave, he digged his hands in his pockets, staring down to you. “You don't... wanna come?”

“Um…” your eyes travelled from him to the door. “You know what? Yeah, I do” you stood up as well, a smirk forming on your lips before you added: “I don't wanna miss all the madness when you guys win”.

If you hadn't won him over already by being understanding about his shyness, with that vote of confidence you sure as hell had.

Jung Hoseok

“Y/N!” he enthusiastically shouted the answer he had been saying over and over every single time the interviewers asked them who they wanted to meet that evening.

Only this time you heard him.

Your head had snapped up at the sound of your name as you walked past them a few meters behind on the red carpet, looking around before your eyes locked with the guy's who was currently interviewing BTS.

“Y/N, hi!” he waved for you to go over there. “Come here, someone wants to meet you!”

Not only did you freeze at that invitation, but so did Hoseok, earning loud laughs from his members as you got closer to them.

“Hi, guys” you shyly greeted with a smile, receiving instant cheerful replies before you stood by Hobi's side, since Joon had stepped aside for you to be in the middle.

Hoseok's eyes were soon to lock with yours – a shy smile parting his lips as he quietly admired your factions, having you unconsciously do the same.

“So, J-Hope right here just told us he was excited to meet you” the interviewer informed you with a smirk, causing Hoseok to tilt his head and turn to his friends as he complained in embarrassment.

Your reaction, however, was something Hobi did not expect at all; for not only did your lips part in what the thought was the brightest, most beautiful smile he had ever seen on you, but you had also covered your face with your hands, letting out a giggle that was soon followed by one of his own.

“Ah, don't tell me that” you told the guy holding the mic in front of you, “he's my favourite, my heart just did a thing”.

«Did she, did she say I'm her favourite?» Hoseok turned to ask Joon with pouty, incredulous lips; later giggling like a little boy on Christmas when their leader confirmed his beliefs. «She did?!» he covered his smiling mouth with his hand.

“Aw, that's so cute!” the other guy gushed at your previous words, for neither of you had any idea of what Hobi's previous gushing had been about. “So you'll be cheering for him tonight?”

“Of course!” you turned to the seven guys. “I mean, I'll be chanting for all of you guys, but if you hear someone screaming ‘J-Hope’ at the top of their lungs, that's probably me”.

And later that night, when he did indeed hear someone screaming his name somewhere in the first rows during his part, his heart sped up uncontrollably, and not precisely because of all the dancing around.

Kim Namjoon

“Oh, f– I'm so sorry” he apologized as soon as his foot had stepped on your long dress, causing you to stumble over.

Luckily for you, just like he almost made you fall, he had also been the one to make sure to catch you – his hands being quick to hold you firmly by your arms, and staying there for a little longer so you could regain your balance.

“It's okay” you let him know with a shy smile, “I've been stepping on it all evening as well” at that, Joon exhaled the air he had been holding, gently letting go of you for once and for all. “It's such an awful, uncomfortable dress. I hate it”.

“Oh” he pursed his lips, eyeing up and down the dress he believed so perfectly hugged your body, “this might not help at all, but I think you look beautiful”.

It did help. Quite a lot, actually – that simple statement itself being enough for a shiver to run down your spine.

“Thank you” you replied, feeling yourself once again becoming shy. “I'm Y/N, by the way”.

“I know” he answered with an obvious tone, later letting out a breathy, nervous laugh, at the realisation of how he had exposed himself. “I um, I'm Namjoon”.

“I know” you repeated his previous words, biting down on your lower lip in response to his dimples showing up as he smiled.

Just like that, your manager called you from the other side of the hall, for you to go change into the outfit you'd be wearing for your performance.

“Seems like I'm finally getting out of this dress” your voice came out with a tone of relief, grabbing the sides of it and pulling it a little bit up so that you could walk properly. “It was nice getting stepped on by you, see you later!”

“It was my pleasure, I hope we can do this again sometime soon!” he played along as you walked away, smiling widely after watching you tilt your head back to let a laugh escape your throat.

Clumsiness? That he could always count on.

Park Jimin

Taehyung sneakily nudged Jimin as you got closer to greet him, for he had frozen on his place as soon as he heard you call them from the other side of the hallway – his eyes in absolute awe as he watched you hug his members one by one.

And when you finally got to him, he didn't really know which one of you was shaking more.

“Sorry” you apologized to all of them once you had pulled away from him, knowing well enough they had all noticed your body slightly tremble, “I'm really nervous, I'm a huge fan of you guys”.

A unison “aw” came out of their mouths.

“Don't be nervous” to everyone's surprise, it was Jimin the one to speak up first, with what you thought was the cutest of pronunciations.

“Yeah” Namjoon backed up his friend, “we're huge fans too, so we're just as nervous, to be honest” he laughed, making you laugh in a way that had Jimin staring with even more admiration.

“Yeah!” Jimin spoke up again, “your voice!” he paused, pressing his lips together and effusively nodding his head to let you know how much he liked it, bringing instant heat to your face as you blisfully thanked him.

He wanted to say something else, to talk more to you, but you were interrupted by your manager tapping your shoulder to hurry you up.

“Oh, um…” you looked around, “I wish I had more time but my performance's about to start” you stuck your lower lip out. “I just wanted to wish you guys the best of lucks later tonight, you're gonna kill it”.

“Ah, thank you!” they all answered once again, with grateful smiles.

“Wait, let's take a picture!” Joon proposed out loud after one of their staff members showed him a camera.

You didn't have to think even once before accepting, turning around to look in the same direction as them. On the other hand, Jimin didn't even try and stop his legs from moving closer to you in the middle, quietly asking Hoseok to move over and let him be by your side – placing his hand over your shoulders without getting to touch you as he smiled brighter than the camera flash itself.

And so when you turned around to say goodbye, he opened his arms to quickly hug you once more before you took off to the stage.

«Aw, she's so beautiful, how's that even possible» he gushed to his members, receiving multiple amused smiles when his smile turned into a pout. «Why'd she have to leave so soon?»

Little did he know that was far from being the last time you met each other.

Kim Taehyung

He was dying to talk to you.

The moment they were guided to their seats and he noticed one of them would be sitting next to you, he had rushed over there to claim it as his. However, just as much as he was dying to say something to you, his confidence was betraying him.

From time to time, he'd turn to you with the intention of starting a conversation in between performances, but nothing would come out of his mouth, turning his head in the opposite direction before he could make a fool of himself. You had said “hi” to each other already, why couldn't he bring himself to say something else?

It was when he noticed you were asking someone for some water, that he decided to take his chance – picking up the bottle of water under his seat to hand it to you.

“Have it” he spoke after your dumbfounded eyes travelled from the item to fix on his. “Is not… open…” his eyebrows knitted together as he looked up, wondering if he had managed to make his point clear.

An understanding smile curved up your lips, taking the bottle from his hands and thanking him before you opened it and took a sip.

Say something else. Tell her she looks pretty. Make small talk. Anything. He repeated over and over in his head, yet nothing came out. So, he smiled once more and turned his head back away from you, internally beating himself up for it.

It was you, later that night, the one who made his wishes come true; when you noticed how one of his members had taken away from him the popcorns he had been munching on, leaving him sulking with a pout on his lips.

“Here” you handed him yours, receiving a baffled expression from him. “You can have mine”.

In the end, what happened was that he did not take yours, but accepted to share them instead – leaning over to your side and finally relaxing next to you as the two of you ate and commented on the show, which lead to lots of laughter througout the night.

Never had he ever thought he'd thank Jeongguk for stealing his food.

Jeon Jeongguk

“Don't be so nervous” you tried to encourage him with a small smile, having his eyes move up from the paper note he was tightly holding to focus on you – a smile of his own curving up his lips as well.

“My English…” he begun, trying to translate the right words in his head, “is not... good”.

“It's pretty good, actually” you once again tried to make him gain some confidence.

Neither of you understood why they had settled things up this way – each one of the BTS members having to present an award with someone else, instead of doing it all together like they always did. In Jeongguk's case, he had been paired up with you, which is why here you were now, both of you sitting backstage, going over your dialogue a few times as you waited for your turn to come.

And he didn't know if it had been a blessing or a curse, for he had gotten to meet you, the one artist he had been crushing on for years… but, at the same time, there was a high probability of him messing up at some point and make a complete fool of himself in front of you.

“You know what?” you spoke after taking in his uncertain eyes. With a raised eyebrow, he let you know you had his attention. “If it makes you feel any better, I can make a fool of myself in front of everyone”.

His eyes opened wide. “W-What?”

“Yeah” you nodded your head, “I'll just mess up the words or something and then you'll have nothing to worry about!”

“No, no” he shook his head, holding his hands out as if to signal for you to stop. “You don't– have to…”

“Oh, I will do it, my friend” you raised an eyebrow in determination. “I already thought of it, there's no turning back now”.

That serious statement of yours managed to get a breathy laugh out of him.

You were his crush for a reason, but knowing you were willing to sacrifice your public image just to help him out with his nervousness? He might as well have fallen in love right then and there.

[kazlifeadventures]

Milan... 2-4 Nov.

Made the train leaving from Rome! Just... pretty sure I had about 3 mins to spare!

It turned out to be a great trip we got up to 300km hr woohoo. There was little difference in cost between first and second class  and I discovered first class gave a drink and snacks as part of the cost of the journey. Not all first class gives that!

The universe was obviously being helpful as I exited the station in Milan on the correct side for a change. Which then meant I made it to my hotel easily - for a change!

I was not feeling too good tnough, tired and a bit of a sore throat, so I crashed tor a while. Then later that evening I did some planning and decided to head to Cinque Terre on the 3rd Nov, so I went ahead and booked the train and made it happen! Jumped onto the train for an 8:10 departure - 11:10 arrival. What a trip! Views were amazing in sections, when I arrived the sun was out!! There were some beautiful views as we passed thriugh Portofino...love! Definitely want to get back to Portofino one day.

Monteroso al Mare was unfortunately still closed to tourists due to damage from the storms. So I got my ticket for the Cinque train and hopped to the next city, Vernazza and surprisingly it was quite hot and humid for the first part of the day!

I had a conversation with a lovely Italian woman at the station. It's funny, I got the gist of what she was saying and she thought I was Italian for a good few minutes, then asked me where I was from. I laughed with her and we chatted in english/italianish (on my part). Weird. But cool 😂😂.

Vernazza, Corniglia, Manarola, and Riomaggiore are the centuries old Cinque Terre towns I did get to visit!

The Cinque Terre were amazing. Beautiful little seaside villages in multi colours, built on the cliffs leading down to tiny little coves. Very touristy. But still worth seeing. I can only imagine how busy they would be during summer, there were enough people there when I was! I enjoyed a fabulous seafood and wine takeaway in Raomaggiore, trying local caught deep fried anchovies as part of it. Yum, surprisingly yum! - even if a bit weird to be eating a whole fish that is way bigger than the "white bait" I've eaten in the past at Spanish restaurants.

It was one of the coolest things ever to be viewing some of the coastline and towns of Cinque Terre on the train as I headed back to Milan from La Spezia, all while listening to Bohemian rhapsody! It Was a long long day though, but so very worth it!

I Finally managed to change my train time for Sunday so I could leave later... this meant up early again to jump on a metro and get to the Duomo, the largest Baroque church..and beautiful to behold! It was quite a sight to emerge from the subway to the towering form of such a magnificent structure. As I was there  early I got a ticket and went in for a look, climbed a gazillion stairs* (*may not be exact number), to the roof/terraces and took in the views of Milan.

I wandered down to the Sforza castell marveled at its sheer size- and finally found a free public toilet in Europe, within the Castell - had to add that just for Darren and Stu! I missed out on seeing the last supper, as it was fully booked out until the following week - oh well another excuse to go back one day!

Loved my day exploring! I even went shopping and bought some lovely boots from Geox. Had a Milanese risotto for lunch (i think this may have been some deconstructed version with fancy balsamic pearls...)

Hopped on my train later that afternoon and settled in  for the 3 hrs plus trip to Nice, France. Wahoo more adventures to come! And some spectacular french/spanish/italian language combos.. hilarious!!