#i've said this before but that realization made me fully accept that my only path is forward

[shalom-iamcominghome]

Honestly, my stance on antisemites is that I wish for them what they wish for jews. If you are willing to give up your sense of humanity as a trade-in for the hatred and destruction of your fellow human, it seems like a fair price to pay. I've gotten caught up in, generally, finding any way to treat antisemites better than they treat us/jews as a whole, but... they are the ones who traded in a piece of humanity for a selfish, ulterior motive.

[creature-wizard]

Mike Warnke claims that his path to redemption lay in... joining the Navy.

He claims that he isn't even fully detoxed from all the drugs he was doing before going to boot camp, where he met a couple of Christian guys and read the Bible owned by one of them, decided to accept Christ, and that this cured his Being An Asshole problem.

He claims that the Satanists realized that they made a mistake in kicking him out, and try to pull him back into the cult, but he's Christian now so that's not happening.

He claims that he met a nice Christian girl and got engaged, and apparently studied medicine under the Navy. Eventually he gets married, and continues to be bothered by Satanists and demons. Mike and his new wife Sue pray the demonic attacks away.

He says that he met Pastor Tim LaHaye, who allegedly claims to have been attacked by witches. (Which... hardly a tragedy if true, lol.) LaHaye, he also claims, gives him the straight dope about the Illuminati:

“That’s because it’s a top-secret organization, Mike. But I've done quite a bit of research. The Illuminati was started May 1, 1776, and the word itself means ‘Holders of the Light.’ In this case, it’s a Satanic light. Members think they alone have the wisdom to run the world. It’s really only the continuation ” I shook my head. “I never did find out much of a Satanic organization that has been in existence since — about 1100 a.d. Oh, under various names, of course.”

Cornerstone Magazine interviewed LaHaye, who confirmed that Warnke misrepresented the conversation they had. While Warnke claims that he first heard the word among Satanists, LaHaye believes that he'd never heard of it before meeting him. As for what the Illuminati actually is... the Encyclopedia Britannica article isn't a bad intro. Suffice it to say that the Bavarian Illuminati had some crappy ideas, but "Satanic" in the sense that Warnke describes it was not, and literally all of this shit about it performing blood sacrifices to Satan is carried over from witch hysteria and antisemitism - if it isn't just that upright.

Anyway, remember what I said about the Satanic cult stuff being a twisted power fantasy? Well, we can see Warnke shifting over to a new power fantasy:

I had had the feeling for a long time that Sue and I had not learned how to pray effectively, that we lacked “prayer power,” and that there were ways of prayer that could really defeat Satan in a big way—enough to put him down for the full count instead of having him get up off the canvas and come back at us with some new Satanic twist. I thought there must be a higher-powered prayer life than what we knew of yet.

...

Charles Lemmox was the pastor, and he was glad to hear that Sue and I might be interested in teaching a Sunday school class. But I was hesitant to accept.”

“Let Sue and me pray about it,” I told Helen. “I think you should know a little more about us before you have me teaching Sunday school. Why don’t you drop by and see us sometime this week?”

On the way home, Sue seemed quiet. Then, just before we got in the door, she opened up. “Mike, why were you so enthusiastic about teaching Sunday school at first, then got all shook up about it?” She put her Bible on the table and sat down.

“Well, I just thought we ought to pray about it, first. I also think Helen should know about my witchcraft experiences and all that junk before—”

“How can you say that? You've accepted the Lord! Your sins are washed away. Jesus died for you. After all you’ve been through, you'd be a better teacher than a lot of goody-goodies that go around proclaiming how perfect they are!” Sue’s eyes flashed, and I knew I had lost that argument already.

Warnke writes Helen saying that they need people who've been through his experiences to talk to kids these days, because kids can see through phonies, which... real ironic there, Warnke.

He also claims that Helen taught him how to empower his prayers by invoking the Blood of Christ and Jesus's suffering. The prayer she allegedly suggests is this:

Lord I ask for the power of Jesus to save me from this—name what the oppression is—and to help me with the problem I’m going through. I claim the protection of Jesus’ Blood and the power of His resurrection to rebuke Satan, right now, in the name of Jesus!

These seem like strange things to invoke to me, because Jesus's blood isn't supposed to be protective; it's supposed to be cleansing. (Isn't it the Holy Ghost that's supposed to be protective?) And what does the Resurrection have to do with rebuking? (Isn't that what Jesus's royal authority is supposed to be for?) Like, you cannot convince me that this is some sort of major power upgrade.

[yostresswritinggirl]

Seers' Miscellany

Prologue: Origins of the first bloom

A circular fic for the Dainsleif mini-series I'll be working on. This will be the introduction; of the evanescent bough keeper of the new world. "Observers of the North do not usually wind up in personal business, but when they do, in their wake comes great shifting of the plates of the timelines." Logs of the stag and the delicate flower.

Pairings -> Dainsleif x Reader; Reader is NOT Traveler

Word Count -> 1579

Themes -> Pretty sad, but also fluffy

Chapters -> 1

Warnings -> Story progression takes a while, oh dear why am I doing this now, I'm so busy

"500 mora; and three answered questions."

He's not really sure what lead him to indulge the requests of a simple adventurer when he made his rounds around the city of freedom. Was it the simple need for currency? It couldn't be, he was better off with other commissions that Katheryne could offer.

Was it the desperation in your voice and eyes? You looked at him like a prophet, your only salvation, and perhaps in this context that may be true. You were but a lone adventurer and the way your weight leans heavier on one foot shows your struggle to those who have keen eyes like him, no other person wished to indulge your needs and you were getting desperate.

Or was it the three questions? Dainsleif have yet to hear such contractual obligations before, but it felt as tho it was the most important part of the agreement he took the moment you pleaded with that soft voice. Humble yet resolved, not letting him walk away without at least considering it once.

And so he found himself traversing the land of the wolves through a dangerous path, where you skip ahead with a gait of happiness, bubbly and energetic enough to surpass even his long legs. You hummed without consideration at the glee of finally having a companion, and he did not mind it at the slightest despite the attention it may bring upon your little party.

"First question," Dainsleif fleeted his gaze away from the horizon to turn to you whom slowed your pace to match his, head looking over your shoulder with a wide grin. "How are you?" So innocent.

He huffs in amusement, the most emotion you've seen of him. "You don't need to waste a contract question for such a simple question, you know," he stands behind you as you crouch down on a shrubbery filled with Wolfhooks. Your main objective for visiting Wolvendom in the first place.

You assured him that you meant your question in every way possible as your hands carefully pick at the herbs, wary of the thorns and the intrusive prickly leaves. Despite your attention turned away from him he knows you await his answer. Dainsleif hums to himself and stops—

How is he? What does he truly feel in this moment of his time?

A simple question yet risked for one of the three inquiries agreed upon definitely holds a deeper meaning. His train of spiraling thoughts halts upon the sound of otherwordly grunts and chants as he turns away from your still busy form (you seem very focused on your foraging) to find three Hilichurls approaching with ill intent.

Dainsleif squints at the impending threat before shooting a final glance to make sure you weren't looking. His arm glows blue as he raises it, power in the form of blue swirling mist surges around him - how are you? The feeling brings him back to vague memories of his past, of the energy rising through him at his expeditions with an old companion, of the thrill spent upon encountering the unexpected. Such thoughts are not vivid but the familiarity of what he is experiencing right now was enough for him.

Though he was sure that there were no camps before they went through this route.

"You asked me how I am," he spoke when you finally turned from the bush with an armful of Wolfhooks on your arsenal, confusion on your face at the sight of downed Hilichurls and the side profile of the bough keeper.

His cerulean eyes were fixated at his left hand that he repeatedly closes and opens for a few seconds, before he fully turns to you (your eyes did not miss the blue glow from underneath his cape, where his right arm should be) with a wisp of a smile, "I feel alive right now."

You reciprocated the gesture with a wide grin, "I'm glad to hear that!"

A majority of the wolfhooks gathered where given to the little Botanist Chloris, the seller of flowers, who looked relieved and ecstatic upon your arrival. Something Dainsleif took great notice of. Carefully handing over the berries and some which you had to pluck singularly from your companion's flowy cape, the little girl gave you her Valberries in exchange.

It was sweet and familiar, something Dainsleif took note as he accepted your offer of the fruit despite his none need for sustenance.

Your little chewing sounded through as you two settled on the humble camp you managed to setup with your supply for a single individual. There was a little hole in the middle for a campfire Dainsleif had made the effort to prepare knowing the coldness the night will bring soon enough, and your fragile form is not something he wishes to bargain now. Is that really the reason? Perhaps in the back of his mind, he was really just working on forgotten routines.

"Second question," his footstep at the edge of the camp halts as he turns once again, where you sat on the mat as tonight's bedding, hands flicking to remove the stray juices of the berries. He stood still in wait before he goes back to his mini mission of getting fire wood.

"Go on," he urged when you stood a minute longer in silence.

"Do you like traveling, Dain?" Easy enough, he simply said yes and left when you ended the conversation with a nod.

When he came back with the wood and tinder bundle for easy spreading, out of the corner of his eye he watched your hands work on the mortal and pestle as you grinded the remaining wolfhooks on your person. The fire started the moment he was done setting up the kindling and your face filled with admiration at the sudden and immediate spark, praising him for his quick work.

Dainsleif is both talkative and not, and at times he finds himself rambling to the wind. The moments of the night passed without much details until he found himself talking about his past adventures with his old companion, of the world they've seen together and the now estranged relationship between them.

His responses were sometimes cryptic unintentionally, and he apologizes when there are things about it that he couldn't answer simply because he could not remember. When silence struck after he finished his tales and meal, the beautiful spike in his eyes found yours gleaming despite the drowsiness pulling at your whole feature.

"I'm glad you're very fond of traveling. If not, I wouldn't have met you," and he wouldn't have taken the commission. Dainsleif's eyes flashed in recognition, finally understanding the meaning behind your second question. Somehow this little commission deal turned into a silent back and forth quip of him understanding past your simple inquiries.

Like a little game he muses on with his curious mind.

That night you rested with the extra comfort of his eccentric cape, something you needed more than him as he gazes over the clear night sky. His eyes silently traced the galaxy of stars while the sound of your whispered breathing accompanies his sleepless night.

The last question and that last of your very quick expedition came the next day at the cliffside overlooking the lair sealed by winds.

Your fingers were dusted by the violet paste of grinded wolfhooks long consumed the night prior, stained fingers gripping the thin and fragile stem of the yellow dandelion in its grasp. It was his great observation that let him realize the disaster that happened now but even his foresight could not prepare him for what has to come.

"Third question," his head snapped down to watch your ethereal face don a calm smile, the sun's setting light kissing your cheeks in the right angle that matched that of the clean clouds above. Your eyes silently questioned his unfocused gaze but he only shook his head.

Don't worry about it. "I know this last question would end the commission with you," your voice trembled in both fear and fatigue but Dainsleif didn't force you to preserve your strength like he should. "But I wanted to ask, maybe tomorrow again,

do you want to be my traveling companion?"

The hand that clutched the Dandelion found it way to the side of his mask, the petals brushing against his eyelids as he looks down at you with an eye. A ghost of a smile lingers on his lips as he leans on your hand.

"It would be my pleasure."

Life momentarily flashed over your orbs before you let out a sharp exhale and a breathless, joyous laughter. Relief overtook the tension that laid on your shoulders, and your hand would have dropped to the ground immediately if he had not gripped it on the last second.

"That sounds good. I've always wanted to travel the world," he pulls the cape closer around your form as your eyelids droop to a close. And he witness another breathe, "It was supposed to be today, but I feel really tired today, I'll rest early too if that's okay."

He rose from the ground with you in his arms, "I'll be here."

"Mmm thank you... good... night."

"Good night, little dandelion."

And perhaps that distant memory from faraway had urged him to invite and indulge, when he saw the same spark of intrigue and desperation, of the warmth of carefree days in front of him.

"But I will require advance payment,

500 Mora, and three answered questions."

Dainsleif SUPREMACY MWAHAHAHAHAH

@genshin-idiot : here's your Dainsleif content

@moaa @dandelion-dreams @witchsungie @lehra @zelos-simp @legionqueensav @snackgod @rxsalinee @cala-ran @wind-wheel @lilydewi22 @yellowflowre @traveler-lumine @nonniechan

[casualreader1234]

Reunion

Pairing: Natasha x Reader

An: Part two of the random story idea I had. I think I'm just going to keep the same summary each time because I'm too bad at writing them. I tried to make this gender-neutral, and I don't think I wrote anything that would imply a particular sex, but let me know.

Summary: What if you weren't the hero of the story? What if you were the villain meant to burn the world down?

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Warning: Morally gray protagonist, violence

Word Count: 2k

[Part 1], [Part 2]

This gif is so funny to me.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

When you had first arrived in the U.S, you had been intrigued by tales of the infamous Black Widow, a former Russian assassin turned good, that was enough to catch anyone's attention. To satisfy your curiosity, you had tracked her down, wanting to see her for yourself. Watching her from afar, you understood why she was considered one of the best in her field: her movements always flowed into the next like she was performing a dance.

She easily disposed of her targets, strapping her weapons back onto herself. Seeing the completion of her job, you left the ledge of the building you had been standing of before she could see you. Slipping into the shadow, you had to admit that your interests had been piqued by the assassin.

///

You had always known that your girlfriend had been hiding secrets, but this one was far more exciting than you had thought. Never had it crossed your mind that Natasha might also be involve in the assassin industry. For such a planet, what were the chances of two assassins meeting and starting a relationship without either being the wiser. You weren't sure if that made her exceptionally good at her job, or you exceptionally bad at yours.

Asking around to some of your other contacts, you learned more about the KGB and the Red Room program that had trained Natasha, wanting a glimpse into her childhood. Disgust and rage filled you when you learned about the operation. They had hurt her, so you had made sure they all suffered for their crimes. Then, you returned back to America.

It was the reason you had stayed all these years. She was the reason. Though you've known where she's been all this time, you never revealed yourself. Maybe it was out of fear. Maybe it was out of shame.

It hadn't surprised you that Natasha decided to work for SHIELD. You've also known that she had a good heart, but it did make things more complicated.

She was one of the good guys now. If she ever crossed paths with you, she would be forced to face you as an enemy. So, for both of your sakes, you avoided doing things that would get SHIELD attention, carefully selecting jobs that would run under the radar. You had been careful, erasing most of your tracks, yet here you were, chained down to a table in a SHIELD facility.

Natalia-no-Natasha stared down at you. You unconsciously cringed under her intense gaze.

" How are you darling?" You asked, breaking the thick silence and giving her a small smile. "I must say, you look as stunning as always. Did you do something to your hair? It seems to be shorter."

Natasha didn't reply, instead shaking her head angrily. " What the hell, (Y/n). What are you doing in the U.S?"

Her harsh tone almost made you flinch. “ Here to visit my beautiful girlfriend? I've really missed you.” You tried, feeling a bead of sweat roll down your neck. Natasha may not have any powers but damn was this woman scary when she was mad. Flattery wasn't going to work on Nat though, her face stone cold as she looked down at you.

"That doesn't answer the question, milyy (darling)." She replied with a strained smile.

Tony watched the exchange with a slack jaw, eyes looking like they were going to pop out of his sockets from shock. “ I’m sorry? You know this criminal Nat?”

Your head snapped to the man, jaw clenching. “ Nat?" You sputtered at the intimate nickname. "Who gave you permission to call her Nat?” You swiveled back to look at Natasha. “What is your relationship with him?” You asked accusingly.

Natasha rolled her eyes, turning to Tony. “ Don’t call me Nat, Stark. And this idiot here is (Y/N).”

"Yeah, her [girlfriend/boyfriend] ! " You added helpfully.

The look Natasha gave you was deadly enough to silence you again. She turned her attention back to Tony, " Do you want to fill me on what's happening Stark? I return from a mission and hear from Steve that we had caught a mutant, but I wasn't even aware that we were after one." You frowned at the fact that had she referred to you as a mutant, but chose to ignore it.

Tony shrugged, acting like a bratty overgrown child," No, I don't want to." Natasha's jaw clenched and you decided to lend a helping hand.

Tendrils of black suddenly snaked around Tony, pining him hard against the wall behind him. His eyes widened, shooting to the origin of the magic, seeing you now unbounded and smiling widely at him, the handcuff hanging loosely off the table. Standing up, you rubbed at the red marks on your wrist left by the binds.

"Better answer her, Mr. Stark, I wouldn't want to get on her bad side." You threatened, eyes turning pure black for a split second.

Tony desperately looked at Natasha for help, but she stayed steadfast, unmoved and patiently waiting for him to answer. Realizing that no help was coming, he relented. "Fury got tipped off about some assassin that had been piling up bodies all across the U.S and North America. At first we dismissed them as the work of sporadic killers, not linking the deaths together until we got another tip about them being a mutant. We had Wanda examine a few of the bodies and she confirmed that magic was the cause of death. Since then, we've had our eye set on a contracted killer who went by the alias Reaper. A few weeks ago, we got a hit on their last location, and from there, we planned our trap."

Realization dawned onto you, " You put a bounty over yourself!" You exclaimed with a chuckle, thoroughly impressed by their commitment. It was a good plan, one that you hadn't even considered. Of course, if it had been any other week, the plan would've failed.

Every time you used magic, there was a backlash. The magic was deep inside you, a part of your very being, but it didn't stay that way willingly. The black flames were a dark and ancient form of magic, one that could only be wielded by a select few. Long ago, many groups had tried to master the arts, but most failed. The magic was powerful, more than anyone really knew, and only grew more so as it consumed more energy. Magicians didn't as much wield the magic, as they did subjugate it.

Candidates trained for years in preparation for the infusion, getting their body ready to handle massive amount of energy. When they were deemed ready, they would be exposed to a pure form of the magic. The flames would consume them and their screams could be heard for miles. Most people who entered the last trial end up dead, completely consumed by the magic. A few though, came out stronger. Instead of being consumed by the flames, they had somehow consumed the flames, magic now flowing through their veins.

Even then, the magic inside of wielders fought against their vessels, constantly trying to escape. The ring you wore helped you control the magic inside, absorbing some of the power and trapping the rest of the flames within you, where it couldn't escape and grow any stronger. But every time you took off the ring, you unintentionally let the magic grow, and when it finally returns back to you, the fight inside gets a little tougher.

Normally, it didn't affect you much. You had been trained since childhood to control the magic, so you could go hours with continuous magic use without any major repercussion. But the past month, you had really tested your bounds, toeing the limits of your control. This inevitably degraded your mental state, leaving your mind a little hazy. This meant you were a lot more impulsive and less observant, something that played in favor to SHIELD's trap. You knew you shouldn't have taken the hit on Tony, especially due to your exhaustion, but you had let your excitement of possibly seeing Natasha blind you. Nevertheless, the current situation didn't really worry you anyways, although you made a note to deal with a problem later.

"And why wasn't I informed of this?" Natasha pressed on.

"Don't take it personally. You're area of skills weren't required for the job, so you weren't informed. Simple as that." Tony plainly stated, clearly sensing the Russian's agitation.

You had to stifle your laughter at the irony. If Natasha had been assigned to the case earlier, you probably would've been captured much sooner.

Natasha bit the inside of her cheek, obviously deep in thought as well. " Release him, (Y/N)." She finally said and you happily obliged, but not sliding you ring back on, letting the flames surround you in a hazy aura incase you needed to react to any threats. Tony let out of breathe of relief as your magic retreated, but you could see that he was still a bit shaken up, the effects not fully wearing off.

"Hey are you alright darling?" You asked concernedly, ignoring the wobbling man when you caught Natasha looking a little pale. Walking over to where she was, you reached out a hand to lightly caress her cheek, the flames retreating as it reached her. You hesitated for a split second, unsure of how she would react, but Natasha leaned into your touch. Her eyes met yours. It was the same bright green that you dreamt about, and they looked even more dazzling up close. She smiled up at you and it was like all the years you've spent apart hadn't happened.

"Yeah, I'm fine." She whispered reassuringly and you smiled too in relief. “ What does Fury want with the (Y/N)?” She asked Tony, but her eyes didn't leave you.

“ The same thing we do to all threats. We either eliminate or imprison them .” He answered, voice indifferent.

Natasha turned to him, much to your dismay, “Why can’t we accept them into SHIELD?” she offered instead.

Tony, who had thought your weird relationship with Natasha was the strangest thing that could happen, couldn't believe what he was hearing. “You want to let an assassin into our ranks? Are you crazy?! Did you already get your hands on the vodka shelf?” He stammered.

Natasha gave him a dark look, one that sent a chill of excitement down your spine, “I was an assassin too Tony.”

Tony didn’t seem to know how to respond to that, but he didn’t need to. The door to the room swung opened again, this time a larger blonde man marching in. You recognized him from your intel: Steve Rogers-Captain America. Behind him, you saw several heavily armed agents behind him, their guns trained on you.

Natasha whipped around at the sudden intrusion, surprise flashing across her face. " Steve." She said warningly, noticing the same things you did, but Steve didn't let her finish, already throwing out his shield in attack. The metal was launched at you, cutting through the air faster than the eyes could follow.

You easily caught it, magic stopping it mid-flight.

You sighed at his pathetic attempt, " Mr. Rogers, don't you know it's rude to interrupt? You can't just come in here, guns blazing, and shield flying." You reprimanded, lazily throwing the shield back to the man. Steve tried to catch the shield, but was knocked back by the sheer force of your throw. The men immediately behind him stumbled back in shock as the 6'1 super solider crashed into them. Those who were left standing quickly recovered and upon realizing that their first line of attack had been beaten, prepared to shoot. They found themselves unable to. Fear had crept up on them during the ruckus and now they were unable to move as your magic seeped through them. With a simple wave of your hand, the black flames around you attacked and within seconds, all the agents, including Cap, dropped to the floor.

"What?" Tony gasped in horror, and for the first time, he seemed to truly understand the extent of your power.

"Relax, they're not dead. I just knocked them out for-" You pretended to check your wrist for a watch, " -a while. I don't know, I usually don't wait around for the people I knock out to wake back up."

Natasha was staring in shock at the pile of bodies by the door and you saw something indistinguishable in her eyes. A distinct chime echoed off the walls of the room, drawing your attention to your phone in the corner. You walked over to it, Tony looking like he wanted to stop you but was too terrified to. Picking it up, you read the message silently. Shouting could be heard getting louder, footsteps pounding towards you as alarms blared.

"Looks like that's my cue to leave." You announced to Natasha and Tony. " Sorry to cut our reunion short Talia."

Natasha stepped forward, blinking out of her shock. "(Y/N) wait-!" She began.

"Don't worry, I think I'll be staying a little bit longer in New York. We'll see each other soon my love." You promised, picking up one of the fallen agent's guns and shooting out the lights until you were enveloped in pitch darkness. Then, before the backup agents could arrive, you melted away into the shadows.

///

You emerged from a dark alleyway in some shifty part of the Bronx. Pulling out your phone, you replied to Matt, your associate, declining the new job he had sent over, informing him that you would be taking a vacation for a while.

Seeing Natasha had reminded you of how much you actually missed her, and you didn't want to just leave New York yet, not when you barely had the chance to catch up with your lover.

But first, you had a snitch to catch. Someone had tipped off SHIELD about you. Someone who knew you about your power at that. You couldn't let someone so dangerous live.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------Powers of Reader [Will be updated as more information is learned about Reader]

-Ability to set fear in opponents

-Ability to melt into shadows (teleportation like: goes into one shadow, pops up somewhere else)

-Magic flames that kill people(?) and knocks them out(?)

-Major simp for Natasha (special skill)

[strideofpride]

Didn't burst my bubble, dw! Dang it, how did i let 5.21 slip my mind! Yes, you're quite right — that is a really great moment which places an emphasis on communication and real understanding as opposed to grand gestures and drawn out problems. I do still really like 5.19 because it is that nice balance of silly oppulence vs. something a bit more real... the visuals of it are very pleasing to me too, since they're both so soft and pretty looking. But yeah, in terms of emotional heft and meaningfulness, 5.21 tops it, building on 1.04, as well as various other moments prior to that where Dan's shown real insight into her character. Here's a question though, since I've seen you talking about the idea of Blair falling first... had the writers not already set a termination date on Dair, and instead were exploring them to their full potential... how/when would you envision Blair saying 'I love you' (back) to Dan? E.g. could there have been a situ where Blair said it first, or was it in character for her to need time? I always found it a bit weird/frustrating how they were pointing Blair down that path of full love realisation — 'Dan loves me for me', 'Chip doesn't have my heart anymore' etc — only then to retcon it and have Dan saying 'I love you' be such an EEEK moment for Blair... like i get why, but still! It seemed weird because her accepting his love and affection, and being on the path to fully expressing a return of those feelings, had already been established... do you know what I mean? Clearly, it became such a botched job by the end because the Chip agenda had to take precedence :( :( x

Yes you’re right, the Met steps is still a very pretty scene (sunset was a great choice although it must’ve been hell to try to get that light) and they book look goooood.

And, hmm well, I think if you keep even the majority of season 5 canon, I don’t see Blair saying “I love you” first. (Also when I say Blair fell first, I don’t really mean she fell IN LOVE first. I think she was aware of her attraction to Dan first but I think she buried her feelings deep down and repressed them amidst all the Chip/Louie drama and fell in love with Dan very slowly over season 5 and those feelings were so suppressed she didn’t even realize she had them til her little speech to Dan in 515. You can literally see the realization on her face as she says “if you’re that guy with Serena, how could she not love you?” Actually you see it even earlier in the last gif of this set.)

But anyway, I’ve already talked about how it’s pretty standard in TV, especially network TV, for season premieres and finales to bookend each other. So the overarching question the season 5 premiere poses is “will Dan ever tell Blair he loves her?” However season 5 does not follow the pattern seasons 1-4 & 6 follow and answers that question in 523 instead of 524. But of course, we know that Safran left and Sara Goodman took over during the last few episodes of season 5 and changed some stuff. I do think if Safran had stayed, 524 would’ve been very different and not well…all fanfic-y but I still don’t think he would’ve made Dair endgame. But anyway, that’s beside the point.

In a world where Dair WAS endgame and 501-521 played out the same: I definitely think it would’ve been OOC for Blair to say it first and I don’t think her reaction to Dan saying it first is OOC either. After the whole “three words, eight letters” debacle with Chip, saying I love you was weaponized against her and she would need a lot more time and healing before she would be able to even process Dan saying that, let alone being able to say it back herself. I think they should’ve followed the path and book-ended the season with Dan first telling Blair he loves her in 524. But Blair can’t say it back, maybe she doesn’t go to Rome, maybe she does, but there’s tenseness in their relationship now.

Blair is very clear that her hesitancy to say it back is not because she has feelings for Chip, Dan is who she wants to be with (“he doesn’t have my heart anymore, I realized it belongs to someone else”) but she just is not in a place for that right now. And then season 6 would pose the question “will Blair ever be able to say I love you back?” And in the finale she finally does after she’s done some healing, gone to therapy, repaired her friendship with Serena, gone back to college (none of this Waldorf Designs bullshit), and her and Dan have been together but on rocky footing because well, this is still Gossip Girl and that stuff would cause some tension in the relationship.

That’s how I think it would/should play out based off the rest of season 5.

[mimisempai]

You can grow flowers from where dirt used to be

Summary :

"You want to climb out of the hell you're in, do the work. Do it."

Bucky bravely chooses to follow the path Sam has shown him, no matter what. What he doesn't know is that he may find more than appeasement at the end of the road...

Words 2706 - Rating G

https://archiveofourown.org/works/30911399

As Bucky walked away from the Wilson's garden, he heard the steady sound of the shield bouncing against the trees in the distance and his friend's voice began to echo in his head.

"You gotta stop looking to other people to tell you who you are."

As Bucky walked away from the Wilson's clearing, he heard the steady sound of the shield bouncing against the trees in the distance and his friend's voice began to echo in his head.

"You gotta stop looking to other people to tell you who you are."

Bucky's throat tightened the same way it had when Sam had said those words to him.

Since he had come back and almost become himself again, no one, not even Steve, had said something like that to him.

In fact, since he had fallen off the train over 70 years ago, this was the first time anyone talked to him like that. He was so used to taking orders, going where he was told, fighting when he was told, that he didn't know what else to do.

Sam hadn't told him who to be, but thanks to him Bucky was beginning to see who he could be.

"You want to climb out of the hell you're in, do the work. Do it."

Sam hadn't given him an accusative look, hadn't judged him when he pointed out that Bucky wasn't making amends. That he was avenging his victims by catching the bad guys he'd enabled by being the Winter Soldier. Sam had just suggested another way, that Bucky's closure was possible through the closure of those he had harmed by taking the life of one of their own.

" I'm sure there's at least one person in that book who needs closure about something, and you're the only person who can give it to 'em."

When Bucky told him there were dozens of them, for a moment he didn't dare turn his head for fear of reading the blame in Sam's eyes. But the man had simply said that it was cool, that he should start with one. In his eyes, there was no judgment, just trust, the trust that he had had from the beginning and that had remained, unshakeable despite Steve's departure. Bucky decided that he would never do anything to break that trust.

So as he walked along, he opened his notebook and looked through the list of names. He was going to make amends, whatever it took. He would save the two hardest ones for last. He would go through with it.

Later, as he was on the plane waiting to leave, looking out the porthole in what seemed to be the direction of Sam's house, he picked up his phone.

He wrote just two word.

Thank you.

He was ready. And once he got to the end, then maybe he could ... he shook his head, it was way too early. He had to do everything first to be worthy of the trust Sam had in him.

Lulled by the hum of the plane's engine, he let his mind drift off to sleep.

____

Sam continued to throw the shield for an hour before deciding to go for a run.

The first few minutes were always the same, he always expected to hear "On your left." and get passed by Steve. He knew that would never happen again. Of course it made him a little nostalgic, but just like a memory of the good old days. Something good that one liked to reminisce about. He then thought of Bucky who had barely found his friend to see him off again, who had many more memories with Steve than he did.

Bucky. It had taken all the courage in the world to let him go. To keep the handshake casual. Sam knew he had to give the man time to fully liberate himself.

They were learning to relate to each other without the bond that had brought them together, without the shadow of Steve.

Sam was beginning to see the Bucky that Steve had told him about. Sure, Bucky would never go back to the way he was, who could after going through what he had, but he would get back to the part of himself that had been suppressed for so long.

"It's just, that shield's the closest thing I've got to left a family, so when you retired it, it made me feel like I had nothing left."

Sam realized at those words the impact his decision to retired the shield had had on Bucky. Now that he had more time to think about it, he realized the deeper implication of Bucky's words.

It was Steve who had made the connection between Sam and Bucky. Bucky must have thought that if the shield, what was left of Steve to bind them, was gone, then Sam would have no connection to him.

Everything in Bucky's words screamed that.

"It made me question everything. You, Steve, me"

Sam's heart began to beat faster, but he refused for the moment to determine if it was in reaction to what Bucky's words revealed or to the physical exertion.  He didn't have time for that.

Sam was afraid he had been too tough on Bucky, when he had talked to him about making amends.  But he had heard his nightmares last night, he had seen the pain in his eyes when he had asked if he was still having them. Bucky had a right to be free of that and if that meant Sam had to be the one to tell him the raw truth then he would. And so he had.

He stopped to catch his breath. His phone vibrated in his pocket, it was a message from Bucky.

B: Thank you.

He breathed a sigh of relief, releasing a tension he didn't think he had. It seemed that his attachment to Bucky was already much deeper than he thought.

Sam answered the message right away, although the man wouldn't be able to read it for a few hours.

S: I have only shown you the way, the rest is in your hands. I have faith in you.

He put the phone back in his pocket. He had to keep practicing if he wanted to live up to the shield.

_____

Sam had been sitting for several minutes contemplating the suitcase that Bucky had brought him. He couldn't bring himself to open it. His cell phone screen lit up with a new message from Bucky.

B: First one, crossed out.

Sam figured if Bucky was working so hard, then Sam had to do the same. He stood up, opened the suitcase and contemplated his new armor for a few seconds.

He took a picture of it and sent it to Bucky with these words:

S: I'm ready.

He saw the dots dancing on the screen and waited for the answer, which was not long in coming.

B: I never doubted it.

S: Thank you.

B: For what?

S: For believing I was worthy of carrying the shield in my own way.

B: You said it yourself right ? It doesn't matter what Steve thought. You said it for me, but it's also true for you. The shield, Captain America, it's what YOU do with it that matters.

Sam had to restrain himself from calling Bucky, to hear him say it in person, to tell him in person, but he knew that if he did, the miss would be even worse. He shouldn't rush things, they were both on their own initiation path and they had to keep moving forward, each one separately for now.

S: I'll say it again, thank you. I don't know about you, but I'm tired. Good night Bucky.

His thumb danced over the sending button and then he added these last words.

S: Good luck for the next one.

The answer came back quickly.

B: Good night, Sam.

_____

With each new name crossed out the notebook, Sam received a message and with each message he intensified his training.

Today after Karli and the GRC, as he was leaving the Smithsonian Air and Space museum with Isaiah and his grandson, his phone vibrated again. He opened it with anticipation.

B: Last name on my list, I'm at the door.

S: Where are you? I'll meet you there.

B: By Nakajima Yori, I'll send you the address.

S: Okay. I'll wait for you in front of his house.

B: Okay.

Sam turned to Isaiah and his grandson, "May I leave you here, I really need to see a friend. You know him, Bucky."

Sam turned to Isaiah and his grandson, "May I leave you here, I really need to see a friend."

He was starting to walk away not waiting for the answer  when Isaiah held him by the arm and said simply, "He'll never forget, but he'll learn to live with what he did. It will take time, but with you around, I have no doubt he will. Tell him if he needs to talk, my door is open." and at Sam's surprised face -after all Sam knew Isaiah's feelings for Bucky - Isaiah continued, "I did get used to the idea that a black Captain America could make the difference. Things change."

Sam nodded and said simply, "Thank you."

Then he left for the address Bucky had just sent him.

Sam shook his hand and said simply, "Thank you."

Then he left for the address Bucky had just sent him.

____

Bucky knew that he was about to break one of the few bonds he had managed to form since his return. That there would be no more Wednesday meetings. No more matchmaking advice.

And it is with a broken voice that he began, "I, uh, have to tell you something. About your Son."

Yori sat down as Bucky took off his gloves. He didn't have to hide anymore.

"He was murdered."

"What ?"

"By the Winter Soldier."

He paused for a moment before resuming in an even lower voice, "And that was me."

The old man began to cry and asked, "Wh-why?"

And Bucky gave him the only answer he knew to be true, which he had learned to accept but which did not make it any harder to say.

"I didn't have the choice."

As he closed the door, his throat tightened with tears he could not shed. Yori was the only person related to one of his victims that he had a personal connection to. Even though he knew he wasn't him when he did it, he knew that Yori would always see the face of the person who had taken his son from him. Bucky knew he had to remove himself from Yori's life. At least for now.

He walked downstairs and out the door, Sam was waiting for him leaning against his car.

He stopped, ran his hand over his face and took a deep breath. Sam approached him, and simply asked, "You did it man. Are you going to throw away that notebook now?"

"No, I think I'll send it to someone."

Seeing Sam raise an inquisitive eyebrow, he resumed, "To my shrink."

Bucky hesitated a bit before continuing, "I don't have any more names in the notebook, but uh... I need to go see one more person. Will you come with me?"

Sam looked at him a little surprised, before answering, "Sure, man. Come on. You can tell me where we're in the car."

"Actually we have to fly, it's pretty far."

"Good thing I'm on forced leave as there's no bad guys to catch. Where are we going?"

"Fairburn, Georgia."

"Fairb- Oh... okay... I see. Are you sure about this, man?"

"I have to... I have to go all the way."

"Okay." Sam hesitated for just a few seconds, but he couldn't help but squeeze Bucky's artificial hand briefly before saying, "I'll go with you Bucky." and then he started the car.

____

The next day, Sam was just a few steps behind Bucky as they walked through the garden of the Stark's cabin at Fairburn.

Bucky stopped as they approached the boardwalk by the lake and whispered,

"I'd like to go alone first if you don't mind Sam."

Sam moved closer, pressed the tensed man's shoulder without a word and let him walk forward.

He watched him walk to the end of the boardwalk. To the spot where Tony's ashes had been spread. He saw Bucky's lips move as if he were muttering a litany. Suddenly Sam saw him fall to his knees, his shoulders shaking with sobs. Sam couldn't stand by and watch him like that. He went to Bucky, knelt behind him and wrapped his arms around him. The man froze for a brief moment before letting go in the embrace. Sam whispered in his ear, "It's okay Bucky, you can let go, I've got you, I've got you. Let go."

And Bucky let go. Sam held him until the tears dried up, until Bucky's shoulders stopped shaking.

Then he stepped back a little, put his hands on Bucky's shoulders and helped the man up.

Bucky, embarrassed, did not dare to look at him, so Sam simply took his hand, "Come on, let's go sit on the bench." and he led him behind him to the bench under the porch of the uninhabited cabin.

They sat down, Sam did not let go of Bucky's hand, and they sat like that in silence for a long time  until Bucky whispered in a hoarse voice, "I'm sorry I put you through this."

Sam put a finger over his mouth to silence him. "I'm here because I want to be. I knew it wouldn't be easy."

"But why? Why would you want to be here?"

"Because I showed you this path, and you had the courage to follow it, and I wanted to be at the end with you. Because it's important to me, you are important to me. You're one of the bravest people I know and man, I'm an avenger, so I know a lot of brave people. You've done everything to free yourself. You took responsibility for things you did that weren't you. You took the opportunity to right a wrong you didn't consciously do. How could I not f-"

Sam paused, realizing what he was about to say.

Bucky had raised his head and Sam could read in the eyes, still blurred from the tears, a glimmer of hope.

Bucky whispered, "How could you not what?"

Sam knew this was one of those moments, like when he was about to spread his wings, just before he jumped. And he jumped.

"How could I not fall in love with you?"

He couldn't tell if it was him or Bucky who had moved forward, or both, but when his lips met Bucky's, he knew that he had made the right decision.

A feeling of joy seized him when he felt Bucky's fingers carding in his hair, pushing him to be even more closer. When the need to breathe made them separate a few minutes later, Sam could not help but stare at Bucky, who did the same.

He saw one last tear pearling at the corner of his eye and ran his thumb over it to wipe it away, and let his hand rest on Bucky's cheek who leaned in.

"I, too, I-" Bucky placed a kiss on his lips as if to build up his courage and continued, "I, too, fell in love with you."

Sam smiled at him and said, "Then everything is fine."

"If you don't mind a work in progress, then yes, everything is fine."

And for the first time since they had left New York, Sam saw the smile he liked best blossom on Bucky's lips. No, on second thought, it wasn't the same smile, on this smile, there was no longer a shadow , it was a smile that took its source in the eyes that shone with a new glow. The glow of someone who has freed himself from a weight that burdened his shoulders. Of a new or rather renewed man.

"We are all works in progress Bucky, that's what makes us human. And this may sound condescending to you, but I am proud of you James Buchanan 'Bucky' Barnes."

He placed a tender kiss on Bucky's lips, which the other man returned, then leaned against him again, wrapping his arms around his waist. Bucky put his arm around his shoulder.

They sat on the bench for a long time, watching the setting sun reflected on the lake, enjoying each other's presence and the fullness of being where you belong.

[magistralucis]

Swansong Review:

So as it turns out, I finished rereading Swansong tonight and finally finished chapter five. (I know that was fast, but to be fair I read a lot to keep myself awake at work overnight, so I had the time to spare for it.) And as it turns out, I had only halfway finished chapter five the last time I picked this up. Cannot remember why I stopped midway through, but I can say reading it fully through in one sitting made it easier to digest and process together. It's not as densely worded as the earlier chapters (at least to me it's not), but emotionally it holds a different weight, so it felt right to read it all together like that. I'm writing this note right after finishing so my thoughts on the text are fresh this time around.

Before I even get to my thoughts on chapter five though; I made the comment before that everytime I read this fic, I pick up a new thing from it that tends to hit a personal note for me, and this time around was no exception. This passage from chapter 4 struck me as I was reading it this time:

"He wasn't doing that because he wanted to feel happy, but because he needed to draw clear lines in the sand as to what he could and couldn't acknowledge if he wanted to carry on living.

He would have lost his mind otherwise."

This is just...a feeling that I found I've been much more intimately familiar with than I previously thought, and I only realized that recently truth be told. I was suffering from massive creative burnout for like a year and a half that only started to relent about two months ago. (And it wasn't just because of the pandemic, but because of other personal matters that just happened to line up Too well with it.) I came to the realization that I'd spent so many years constantly grinding out art and writing in an effort to stave off some feelings and experiences I hadn't processed, and covid more or less brought those to the forefront and made me Stop for awhile to give my mind a rest. And while thats not exactly what Sebastian is doing here, I can still say I now recognize and understand the feeling you were conveying with this writing. (And safe to say, I'm dealing with it a lot better than poor Seb is currently.)

With that said, we reach my thoughts about chapter five itself.

Chapter five is...very much about the Weight of a lot of things it seems, from the weight of what Sebastian and Vincent had actually felt about each other in the past and what that meant, the actual depths of their connection due to shared life circumstance and unique understanding of each other. But in present time, its about confronting the weight of Sebastian's grief over Vincents death and ultimately, the acceptance of it it seems, at least if his tears at the end speak for that themself. And its funny because you mentioned something about acceptance not long before Seb and Vincents conversation at the end, and that passage stood out to me the most in this chapter:

"But acknowledgement wasn't acceptance. He didn't accept his despair, either. So the source of all his recent stress had disappeared. Why should he care? What wasn't to like? Vincent was gone! Fantastic! That was his problem solved, just like that, and he hadn't even needed to lift a finger! Sebastian was free to resume his life at last.

So why wasn't he happy?

Down that path lay madness."

It's clear that Sebastian has at least Acknowledged Vincents death and the feelings associated with it. But he's compartmentalized it all and shoved it so far away in his thoughts that even with the reoccuring dreams, and even with Vincent standing in front of him again, he hadn't truly accepted it. And of course that's what leads to him just breaking down finally and yelling about everything, and eventually to his tears.

It felt visceral to read that part; the way you wrote it felt very real, and honestly because I've more recently been going through a similar time learning to accept some of my own issues leftover from running away from an abusive home, I really understood what Sebastian was feeling here. Because youre right, acknowledging is one thing. Saying "This has happened and I know it did" is One Thing. But really taking it fully into account, and Processing and Accepting it in All of its weight and emotions attached, is a whole other thing. And it really does take time and effort and eventually, if you don't do it for long enough, it'll come out messy and explosively. Thankfully I started working on my own traumas and grievences in much more quiet and less painful ways, but even so, I understood what you wrote here with Seb all the same.

I think overall what strikes me about this fic as a whole is just how youve written about grief both as a concept but as we watch Sebastian start to come to terms with it in different ways, and for very different parts of his life. And I say this with full honesty: while I've read/seen other works that have handled grief well enough and left some impact on me personally, none of them have done it quite like this fic. I know you put a lot of your personal feelings into these writings, and so maybe its because youre reflecting your own experiences back into the narritive, but man...something about growing up and going through so much in the past five years while consistantly coming back to this fic as it grew, and as I grew too, has really made it stick in both my heart and just in my thinking in general. I can relate to the concepts of grief and the questions and the overall life lessons and advice you've stuck in here in a way that I haven't connected with to any other work I've encountered, and that's why it's stayed so relevant for me this whole time you've been working on it. Of course I love it for the story of Sebastian and Vincent as well, I wouldn't have started the story all those years ago if it hadn't been for that in the first place. But even if it were an original work without those two in it that you'd written, it'd still hold the same impact for me I think. Your writing is just That good and you've written this story from such a realistic and human place of emotion that it really does stick with you and make you think about it.

I have loved this fic more and more with each reading as I've come to understand and be able to connect with it more as a whole over the years, and now that I'm caught up properly I can say yet again that I cannot wait to see where it goes, and I'm eternally greatful that you decided to write this piece in the first place. I look forward to when it updates again, no matter how long that may be 💕

[galvanizedfriend]

This may be a very biased question, however, who did Klaus truly love- Caroline or Cami? I absolutely adore Klaroline, but would they even had anything more if it wasn't for when Caroline visited NOLA in S5? I seems like Caroline was only brought to TO for fan service. Did Klaus love Cami more? I've been trying to understand, and the more I think about it, the more I get sad because #klaroline4ever. I need someone elses' thoughts!

Well, this may be a very biased answer (lol), but I never bought Klamille as a thing, so, obviously...

This isn't going to be very nice on Cami, in case anyone out there might find it offensive or whatever. I don't necessarily blame the character, though, I blame the writing. Klaus having a new romantic interest was never a bad thing in itself, it was the way they did it that never sailed.

To be fair, I think it's perfectly acceptable to believe that Klaus loved Cami. But that relationship was so wrong, for so many reasons, that I could never get past the awkwardness. Cami was a prop for male tears and exposition from almost the moment she came onto the show until her literal last breath (and the few times she made an appearance after that). She was the result of a very wrong attempt to try to reproduce the KC chemistry in TO to maybe get the fans to embrace this new ship, but it was so, so, so wrong... Joseph Morgan went from having chemistry with the walls and trees in TVD to not having a slight spark with the person who was supposed to be his romantic interest (whom he was pushing towards another guy all through season 1, awww... so romantic). Klaus would've been better off with Stefan.

Cami's supposed to be this moral compass on the show, the ~~kind-hearted, good, full of light~~ person (remind you of anyone? lol) who'll drag Klaus back into the path of redemption, but all she does is literally excuse him for his terrible behavior, starting with how he treats her. Klaus is awful to her, terribly abusive. He compelled her to go out with someone against her will, even after she saw Marcel being aggressive to Thierry and was like 'nope, not for me, I'm outta here', to <i>spy</i> for him. And this gets shoved under the rug in a second. Klaus kills Elijah's girlfriend right before his eyes, then he curses Hayley into her wolf form, and Cami is literally there telling people that they have to understand that he did all that because he had a plan and he had to make it look convincing. She attempts to be mad at him because he bit her (not because he killed Gia, or cursed Hayley; because he bit her) and when he says he was just pretending, she smiles and that's it. Let it go. And then I'm supposed to believe that this is the person who's going to bring the best out of Klaus? Klaus goes on being the same unapologetic jackass he always was.

And then season 3 happens and it's just... It's painful. I abandoned TO on S3 for many reasons, I couldn't watch it anymore, but what they do to Klamille there is like... Is this seriously supposed to be the climax of this pairing? When she turns into a vampire and becomes this total crazy bitch (WHY? isn't vampirism supposed to enhance what you are? WHY oh WHY would good pure cinnamon roll Cami become 500 years old Katherine?), Klaus is having doubts over her. Hayley has to tell him that he's gonna have to accept that the person he knew is gone and she's someone else now. I think it was supposed to make us realize that Cami had ~~darkness~~ in her, but... Honestly, if that was the case, there are some fic writers in the fandom who could've done a better job than the people getting paid to write those scripts.

Camille was a character that was treated so, so badly by the writers it's hard to even defend her. She had inconsistent writing, no agency within the plot whatsoever, never got her own story lines, never developed into something more substantial, and all she was there for was to explain to us, viewers, how terribly misunderstood Klaus was (and also to babysit, which is what she does all through season 2). She spends three seasons chasing after him when he repeatedly shoves her away, so when she was finally killed off, I felt genuinely sad for her. Not even her death was about her. She was meant to be a strong female character, instead she got absolutely nothing, died as a minor sidekick who got no reward out of her involvement with Klaus, and was using her last breaths to tell him "he's good". Honey, were you not watching your own show?

Caroline, on the other hand, never lets Klaus get away with being awful. She holds him accountable for the crap he does, she points fingers, she doesn't just take his bullshit excuses and 'oh, I'm so damaged' crap. At the same time she's obviously attracted to him, tempted by these little snippets of hidden depths she gets to see, she doesn't just excuse his wrongdoings. She pushes Klaus out of his comfort zone, forces him to reassess his behavior, to consider right vs convenient, and even if it's just for her sake, he actually does change. He lets Tyler off the hook (more than once), he risks getting caught to save her from those vampire hunters, he drops everything to help Stefan with Rayna Cruz, he forsakes his revenge party against Katherine. He's killing his way through France, being a crappy father to his 15yo, then Caroline shows up, stuns him with some truths, and he instantly reconsiders. It's things that meant something to Klaus, people who had personally wronged him, situation that might put him and his family in danger, not like that extra whoever cop he "helps" in S3 who made absolutely no difference in his life whether he lived or died. He even showed a degree of regret over killing Carol when he asked Damon how he got away being forgiven for the crap he did.

In turn, Klaus was always the one person who saw the best of Caroline and completely acknowledged it. She wasn't ashamed of her vampirism, she enjoyed all the perks, and while everyone else was being broody over it, sorry for themselves, she was out there kicking ass. Klaus knew her better than her best friends, understood how she longed for more, how curious she was, how restless she would grow by being stuck forever as a sidekick in Mystic Falls. Everything he said to her was like a revelation. He was the only romantic interest in Caroline's life to truly put her first. And I want to say that they never got together in TVD because she wasn't ready to leave her mortal life behind and fully embrace immortality but the truth is they never got together because some idiot decided to make The Originals happen. lol We all know that 'I should've turned my back on you ages ago' thing would've ended up in hot hybrid-vampire sex if TO hadn't been picked up by the network.

This is not to say that there weren't problems there, of course there were, but the two of them genuinely did get the best out of each other. Klaus allowed Caroline to be accepted and appreciated for who she truly was, while she got Klaus to show true selflessness.

So I personally never bought Klamille. It fell completely flat for me. But I don't think believing Klaus loved Cami diminishes how he felt for Caroline. The guy is immortal. To think he would never have feelings for anyone other than Caroline is naive. The brief little moments Caroline gets mentioned in TO are very telling of how Klaus still felt about her even years and years later. That phone call. How he never denies loving her to Stefan, how he tells Stefan they'll be seeing each other again if he doesn't do right by her. On the letter he sent her when she opens the school, he repeats the 'however long it takes', which is a reaffirmation of the promise he made her. How he says he didn't want to know if she would let him die or not. That look he gives her when she says she'd been to New Orleans after him and he wasn't there.

Caroline was his endgame, and he was hers. The two of them could've had different loves, met different people over the course of their lives, but they were always, always meant to find each other again in the end. So, to answer your question (lol), no I don't think Klaus' endgame would've ever been Camille, and yes, I do think Caroline would've ended up in New Orleans at some point, or he would've ended up with her, wherever she was. If there had been even an inch of consistency in TO S5 and if JP hadn't been on a crusade to punish the actors who were apparently unhappy with her and unwilling to ever come back for Legacies, that's how the story would've ended. It's hard to make any real interpretation of the show when we know how those scripts got written, how little thought went into staying true to characters and their journeys, but that's what I believe.

THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK, ANON! lol

[x-avantgarde-x]

You can have as many as you want.

(Because my Tumblr is a bad bitch it:

1. Sent the answer before I had finished writing it.

2. Deleted the ask.

Tumblr, why do you hate me so much?? Any way. I'mma post this, and I give 0 fucks if you do or do not want me to.)

aAaAaAAAAHHHH. Thank you v much, gosh you are so sweet!

Touch starved Erik is the best Erik! Prompts used where "I don't deserve you." And "Don't leave me." From some list I had saved. This turned out a little angsty at some point, but our Erik is just a complex boy who needs his time to work things out, so the fluff is still in there. Hope you enjoy it!

Couple: Erik (The Phantom of the Opera) x reader. Mainly Lerik and Kerik ksks.

Summary: Erik it's just too edgy to admit to himself that he's longing for for being touched gently and when the reader does so for the first time things go kinda wild.

————————————————————

You sat at the couch at Erik's house, you still weren't so sure if his underground den in the middle of a lake fitted the concept of a (common) house, but the longer you spent down there the less you cared. By now it all had already acquired a sense of familiarity and homely feeling.

You had met Erik a year ago. A few days after what happened with Christine Dae you heard the sceneshifters talking about how they believed to have heard someone wondering down the basements of the Opera the same night The Dae had been abducted and that the whole Opera went crazy. Usually you were a really quiet person, and prefered to stay out of trouble but that day curiosity took the best of you. And by the sunset you were already under the fifth basement of the Opera Populaire.

You got lost many times, and many others you almost got killed by a trap, but at some point you came across an underground lake with a jetty where a small boat was tied. Without much thinking you got inside the boat and started rowing, not really knowing where you planned to get to. To your surprises after what seemed like a few hours of rowing aimlessly you could get a glimpse of some faint lights in the middle of a cave. Suddenly your strength came back to your already numb arms and you got to land in less that ten minutes.

You glanced around curiously. A voice inside your head was wondering what were so many candles doing down there, and most importantly, how they had gotten there but another voice onside you, the curious one who seemed to had just awakened today, told you to follow the path they seemed to mark.

As if in a dream you started walking, not really aware of what your body was doing. You felt like floating. It seemed as if you were in between a dream and reality,and that the glimmering candles told your body to follow them to wherever they lead to.

Eventually you got to what seemed to be a door and opening it, still not being completely responsible of your actions, you walked into what seemed to be a living room. You snapped out of your slumber because of the state of the room. Furniture had been flipped and pushed to the ground, the floor had vanished under a layer of what seemed to be shattered scores and glasses. Every room you walked into looked exactly the same.

Your heart almost escaped your chest when you found what seemed to be a room with a coffin laying at the floor. With fearful steps you finally made it to the casket where a beautiful cat laued inside. You kneeled in front of it and tried to pet it, but the animal simply held your glance for a few seconds before storming out of the room. Fearing for it to get hurt you chased it to one of the rooms that you hadn't already looked at. The first thing that you noticed was that next to the doorframe there was a switch, and you cursed yourself for not looking for them sooner. When the light turned on you couldn't believe your eyes.

There was what seemed to be a corpse laying at the floor. By how it looked you would have given it for dead, if it wasn't because the closer you got the more noticeable it became that the "corpse" was breathing, with some difficulty, but breathing.

It all hit you in a second. The Corpse Like Man that everyone had believed to be the Opera ghost, the spectrum that had hunted the Opera Garnier for years. It was alive, even if it did look dead. It was a living man who lived under the Opera and who had played with you all this whole time. A man who coughed violently and seemed to be bleeding out of a wound at his body, who wouldn't make it much farther if you didn't help him out at that moment.

When you finally came out of your thoughts you went to assist him. Despite the seriousness of his injuries and the apprehension that you felt about touching him the first times eventually you got him patched up. You also carried him to the bed you had found in one of the rooms without much of a trouble once you figured out that whatever it was the reason behind his looks, it wasn't contagious.

It took you some weeks to get him to be fully conscious and for him to have enough strengths to stand up for himself. The moment that happened he was furious with you. He shouted and yelled, cursing you for saving his life and making you leave the lake house, threatening you with your death if you ever came down to find him again.

But that didn't stop you. And eventually you didn't just come to make sure that he was okay and that he hadn't killed himself but because you enjoyed his company. At the same time the man, who responded to the name Erik had began to open up to you, allowing you two to become closer.

It all felt so far away in time now. As if it had taken place years ago. Erik and you became friends eventually and you felt like the two of you had developed some kind of unspoken relationship. But you never dared to speak with him about it, not after knowing what had happened with Christine. You didn't want to bring back any painful memories to Erik, and he had many.

Talking about Erik, you hadn't heard him nor seen him in the whole evening. You thought as you started to pack your things in your bag. You wished you had been able to spend more time together today, but he must have been busy to ignore your presence so abruptly.

As you got ready to leave you heard one of the many doors behind you opening up and turned around to see the man you had been thinking about walking out of a room, who was priming the sleeves of his suit. Erik looked up to you and his face seemed to have lightened up under the mask that he stubbornly kept wearing around you, even after you had told him several times that his face didn't disgust you any longer.

-My beloved- he spoke, opening his arms in a welcoming expression -what brings you down here at this lovely evening? Have you come to visit your poor Erik?

You shook your head when you heard how he addressed himself, it pained you at your heart. Holding your bag in your hands you swung slightly on your tiptoes in a playful way before answering him.

-Truth is I've been here the whole evening. But you seemed to be busy and I didn't want to disturb you. Actually, I was getting ready to make my way out.

The smile on Erik's lips faded away and a pout took it place. Erik did not let his disappointment go unnoticed and looked straight at your eyes before speaking in the saddest voice he could find -Oh, but why must you go? Don't leave me this early, my dear.

You chuckled at his manners, even when upset he was extremely theatrical. It may be the same with every men that advocated their life to their Opera's and music, you thought. The theatrical manners were a part of them.

-I'm coming back tomorrow, and you know it. No need to throw a tantrum over my departure.

You joked. Erik played along and placing a hand to his chest, as if he had been incredibly offended he went on.

-You insult me, miss. A man like me, throwing a tantrum as a mer infant?

-It wouldn't be the first time, would it darling?- you pointed out with a giggle.

-Touché- the masked man answered, accepting his defeatment with composure and dignity.

Your cheeks turned a soft red because of the playful flirting, which took place whenever you spoke to eachother. You placed one of your locks behind your ear nervously. The butterflies inside your stomach making you feel once more as if you were back to being that young teen who would snick out with all the other ballerinas to watch the handsome actors getting changed for the shows.

Without thinking twice you walked closer to Erik, who's look of surprise you didn't seem to catch, and placed a soft peck at the corner of his lips leaning on his shoulders to get to his face. You left Erik startled by your actions and it wasn't till you were back in front of him, looking straight at his eyes, that you realized what you had done.

-Oh! Erik I- you tried to excuse yourself, but the damage was already done, and you felt his anger rising and increasing as seconds passed by.

-Damn you!- he screamed- DAMN YOU, YOU LITTLE VIPER! Oh how funny of you. Haven't I've been hurt enough for you to play such tricks on me!?!- he said, pacing around you like a hunger lion over his prey.

-Erik, darling, I didn't mean to- you attempts of calming him down fell on deaf ears because Erik headed against you with all the rage he had locked inside.

-How cruel of you! Playing with a broken man's poor heart! You know fully well that poor unhappy Erik doesn't deserve you! But still you choose to play with my feelings. Only to end up leaving me behind, just as that Swedish girl did!

Tears had formed at your eyes as he spoke his hateful words. It was not till he stormed out of the room and locked himself that you allowed yourself to cry. Collapsing at the sofa where you had been sitting not so long ago and crying your heart out.

Hours had passed by when you heard a door opening. You did not need to open your eyes nor to stand up from the sofa to face the door in order to know that it was Erik the one who had come out of it. You heard his slowed down steps as he came closer and closer to you, like a frightened child about to confront his mother after having misbehaved. When he was finally standing in front of you, head down to the floor, he dropped to his knees, tugging at the hem of your dress while crying over your lap. You hands found their way to his head, where you started playing with the few strands of his hair in an attempt to calm him down.

When Erik had finally stopped sobbing and you two were now laying together, him on top of you, at the sofa. Erik's masked face was hidden at the croock of your neck as he clinged to your body with all his strengths, as if he was scared that you would disappear if he loosened his hold on you.

Whe Erik dared to cautiously look up at your face, in case that you were still mad at him.

-(Y/N)...- he asked, almost in a whisper. You looked back at him

-Yes?

Erik swallowed, he swallowed hard, doubting if he should go on with what he had thought.

-I- I wanted to ask you for something...

It was the first time since you had ever met that Erik was asking for something for himself. So you stood up slightly, making sure that Erik was still laying over you, wearing the softest smile you could to encourage him to keep going. Oh, you were so eager to get him whatever he asked for.

-What is it, dear?

Erik let out a shaky breath, and bitting his misshapen lip he found the courage enough to speak.

-Can you give me two kisses?- he asked a child like ring at his voice -one for now and one to save?

Tears made their way to your eyes once more. The fact that all he was asking for so fearfully was nothing more but a kiss tore your heart open.

With watery eyes you knelt on the stomach and pulled Erik up with you to later throw yourself at your poor man, taking his lips between yours without hesitation. The kiss took Erik by surprise, but even if he was a little astonished at the beginning he ended up melting down in your touch, kissing you back with the same fervour.

When you had to pull apart because of the air loss you took Erik's face between your hands, his blissful eyes looking at you in pure adoration. -You can have as many kisses as you want, my love. Now and ever. No need to ask for them.

Erik's mouth formed a big o, and his eyes looked watery behind his mask. A soft smile spread across his features before he pushed you against his chest, were you buried yourself, hugging eachother lovingly.

[etlunainmorte]

❄ Three Wishes ❄

***

***

"This,... is no time to be joking around." V was suddenly wide - eyed upon hearing Griffon's statement.

V seriously has no idea what turned him into that of all things in the first place. All he knew was that Avery and Roman were planning for something truly special for the kids in the neighborhood of Swan Lane for Halloween. Ideas were discussed, plans were formulated, even some weird props were bought from the local store.

What happened next was easily the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to the poor, clueless poet.

And that was almost seven weeks ago.

Despite that, V would still cringe from time to time whenever someone reminded him of that. But, it doesn't matter. All he knew was that, in spite of wearing heavy makeup and some form of unspeakable costume, you were there.

You were there.

And he could still remember the moments and every bit of conversation he had with you that day.

It all started when Avery and Roman transformed their mansion into a haunted mansion. Not only that, everyone he knew was commissioned ( not asked or invited ) to show up on that day in their most impressive Halloween costumes. Kyrie and Nero, being the two biggest suckers in the world when it comes to children, graciously accepted, and made costumes of their own. Dante, whose water and electric bills were due on the first of November, reluctantly accepted, and declared that he made a costume that would end all costumes. Nico also answered, and her participation involved effects such as different colored - spot lights, creepy sound effects, and a fog machine. Even Shadow and Griffon were given roles of their own.

And V? Let's just say he has no other choice but to go along with Nico's idea, since he didn't have enough time to buy or make a costume of his own ( unlike Dante, who chose to lie around the shop all day, the poet accepted jobs left and right, even though it pushed him to his limit most of the time ).

They had one job: to scare the children who dared enter the mansion and give rewards to those who could make it to the last room.

And Nico, being Nico, invited you of all people.

"This,... is no time to be joking around." V was suddenly wide - eyed upon hearing Griffon's statement.

"I'm serious here, V! She's already skulkin' 'round the courtyard." Griffon declared, his eyes were as wide as V's. "She'll be here within a few moments!"

Meanwhile, as you walked cautiously about the courtyard that was cutely decorated with skeletons, scarecrows, and graveyards, you felt someone stalking you from behind. You couldn't help but giggle, fully expecting something to jump out of the bushes and try to scare you.

And a few seconds later, as expected, something did jump, not from the bushes, but from one of the Styrofoam tombs. It was brown, it was furry, it has frightening claws, it has yellow eyes,...

... and it was wearing a pair of Fortuna University jerseys with the numbers 007 in it.

"Huh?" The werewolf thing mumbled as he scratched his head in confusion. "Were you even scared?"

"Umm, what are you supposed to be?" You asked the Wolf - man with an apologetic smile.

Nero was able to smile despite the few pounds of makeup and prosthetics on his face and flexed before you, putting his hands on his hips and puffing out his chest. "I'm Bond. James Bond. Teen Wolf Bond, actually."

"Oh. Okay,..." you nodded. Not wanting to disappoint the young Devil Hunter, you added, "Oh, but, hey! That's a very creative costume!"

"I made it with Kyrie. The idea is mine."

"Well,... I like your creativity. Good job!"

"You do? Hehe, thanks!" If Nero could wag the fake tail that was attached to his bottom, he could very well do it multiple times in happiness after hearing your compliment.

"Go get 'em, Teen Wolf Bond!" You said, saluting him. Nero saluted and went back to where he was hiding to wait for his new victims.

Then, you made your way towards the mansion. Before you could even enter the premises, however, the door opened by itself, allowing you to walk freely and wander about the place.

Hmm, this must be the Artisan, Nico’s idea, you thought as you smiled and accepted the invitation. Nice touch,...

However, even before you could take a few steps inside the room, something jumped from one of the Grecian statues and howled with the full intention of scaring you. But, you didn't. Instead, you felt yourself bursting with muffled laughter at the sight.

With hair severely slicked back using some kind of cheap one - dollar wax, face hilariously pale with pharmacy - grade foundation, and a blue coat done with the worst stitching possible, Dante made quite an impression.

The smile on the Legendary Devil Hunter's face vanished as you finally let out the suppressed laughter that was quite literally killing you.

"That's not the desired response,..." Dante mumbled as he crossed his arms over his broad chest.

"I told you! No one's gonna get scared with that." Avery, who just came down from the second floor dressed up as Morticia Addams, scolded.

"You're wrong there, señora." Dante retorted. "My brother is the creepiest, most frightening creature I've ever met."

"I'm sorry, who?" You asked through your uncontrollable fits of laughter.

"My brother, Vergil!" Dante proudly announced. "Scariest of the scariest douchebags I know. He's away on a mission right now."

"Well, I'm not scared of him." You answered after catching your breath and finally calming down. "Unless he's a zombie who raids local pharmacies for cosmetics like how you're portraying him, that is. Then, I would definitely get scared. Of the real one."

Dante's pout almost made you hysterical with laughter once more, and before he could further embarrass himself in front of the children who would come and explore the house, Avery stepped in and intervened. "Think of a different strategy. I know you can do it." She said with a mighty tap on Dante's shoulder.

And with a smile, you left the two and headed for one of the rooms on the right. Skipping the life - size portrait of an evil - looking doctor with a moustache ( Avery placed Lancaster's portrait back on its former place for added horrific flair ), you entered what looked like a living room, complete with a sofa, a glass top table, and an old television in front of it. Thinking that the person here could be emulating a scary scene from a popular horror movie, you sat on the sofa and glanced at the television, which was currently only airing some weird static.

With a feeling of sheer anticipation for what's to come, you drummed your fingers on your lap and waited. And a few moments later, you noticed something coming out of the television's screen.

Nice detail, you thought to yourself as you watched a hand pop out of the screen. How are they doing this?

You continued to watch as another arm popped out of the screen, and inch by creepy inch, the lady in white finally managed to come out of the television.

So, she's doing the girl from Ring! You thought as you watched the lady convulse and hiss at you, her rotten face actually doing a good job of unnerving you. She didn't do anything else aside from that, however. She remained where she was, rooted to the ground and convulsing.

And so, as you thanked Nero's girlfriend for doing a marvelous job on her scary prank, you got out of the room just in time to hear some childish screams coming from the great hall. 

Dante must've changed strategies now,...

As you were about to leave the hallway, you noticed something blue and shiny on the ground. You grabbed it right away and realized it was an exquisite feather that seemed to glow and cast light to the dark hallway. You looked ahead of you and noticed more of these blue black feathers scattered on the floor, clearly leading towards another room.

Rightfully thinking that this could very well lead to an interesting discovery, you followed the path made of feathers that was made solely for you. Picking the beautiful feathers one by one and collecting them, you felt the temperature in the mansion clearly dropping by the second, and when you reached your destination - a door which was being pointed by that last feather - you heard someone running about on the other side. You even heard some voices, not one but, two.

Smiling and feeling excited, you opened the door,...

... and saw nothing, aside from the three or four bookshelves and the old grand piano in the middle of the room.

Taking a step inside, you cautiously looked around the place, waiting for something to come out and chase you around.

The door closed on its own, and the temperature dropped even further. You closed your parka and took a few more steps. Then, you noticed something on the stool in front of the piano - a steel pot.

Raising your eyebrows, wondering what a steel pot was doing there, you walked towards it, and before you could even grab it, you noticed something that looked like a dishcloth next to it.

A steel pot, and a dishcloth,...

Do they want me to rub this thing clean?!

Rolling your eyes and chuckling at the simple thought, you carefully placed the feathers you collected on a small table nearby ( you wanted to make something out of those ), took the steel pot and the dishcloth and started rubbing it, waiting for something to happen,...

"Oh! Now?" You heard a whisper from behind one of the bookshelves. "Okay, here goes!"

All of a sudden, something like a weak electricity ran through your whole body and startled you, making you drop the steel pot on the floor, and when you bent to pick it up, black smoke rose from it, engulfing it and swallowing it whole.

Where did - ?!

"Greetings, my lady." A low voice spoke. You slowly looked up and saw,...

... that gentleman you met at your cousin's wedding.

Now, who was this man again? Oh! It's V! His name is V. Although,...

... what’s that funny – looking turban doing on top of his head? Why was he standing like that, all proud and mighty, with his arms crossed over his chest?

And, most importantly, why was his skin blue?

"Umm,..." You began, uncertain how to respond. "Y - your steel pot,... I don't know what happened. It seemed so real and - "

"You have set me free from a hundred years of slumber." V spoke in what he hoped to be a mystical kind of tone. "And to show you my gratitude, I shall now grant you,... three wishes."

"W - wait a second here, three wishes?" You asked, finally figuring out what V was supposed to be. "Do you mean to say you're a Genie,... trapped in a steel pot?!"

V felt his face heat up at your words but, due to his heavy blue makeup, he was most definitely certain that you couldn't see through his shame of being a Genie for Halloween. He knew you have every right to laugh at him, to mock him for going through such a foolish thing, however,...

... you only gave him a gentle and understanding smile as if you sensed his discomfort.

And it warmed V's heart.

"Wanna sit down for a while?" You offered, and a few moments later, you were laughing at his stories of how he ended up here doing Avery's bidding once more.

"Stand in a steel pot, she said." V said, his words making you laugh harder. "It'll be fun, she said."

"I'm glad you didn't stand in a steel pot, though." You answered as you gave the man an apologetic look. "One comic relief for a Halloween attraction is enough. We don't need to add another."

V hummed in agreement, not saying any more words to add to the conversation.

For a while, V just sat there beside you, appreciating the quiet and peaceful moment between the two of you. No words were exchanged between you for a while, and yet, despite that, V truly felt at ease next to you.

It was like,...

... he was back during that time when he first met you. Not during the wedding, no, but, way back.

It was right here where he saw you after wandering about in the dark for so long. You played the piano for him, and you even gave him words of encouragement. And those words were the very weapons he used against the evil that once imprisoned the innocent souls here in this mansion for its own gain.

It was also here where he kissed you for the very first time.

And he was well aware that, unfortunately, you couldn't remember a thing about him, only that you knew you have seen him before but, couldn't remember when or where exactly. He confirmed this, himself, when he started observing you from the moment you reunited with him during Avery and Roman's wedding.

And now, as he observed you in the corner of his eye, he noticed the subtle look of sadness in your face. You may have shown him that you were happy and well, when, in fact, you felt the opposite. And it unnerved, no, worried V, a lot.

He desired nothing but your happiness, he didn't need to see anything else but your smile. After everything you've been through in your past life, he knew he must give you what you truly deserved and more. He will give back everything he owed you, for saving him, for making him see the truth in the face of evil, for making him believe that he's strong,...

... for believing in him despite everything.

Right then and there, he made up his mind, and he swore he would never repeat the mistakes of the past.

He vowed that he will make you the happiest woman on earth.

As he stroked the antique locket in his pocket, he turned to you and quietly uttered your name.

"Hmm?"

"Have you thought of them?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Your three wishes." V clarified. "Have you thought of them?"

"Oh! I,..."

V helplessly watched as he saw you fidget on your seat. Did he say too much?

"What I mean is," V added. " ... you've set me free from the confines of the evil steel pot. I feel it is only fitting that I should return the favor."

And to this, you giggled once more. You found it simply cute and adorable that, despite his discomfort in playing the role of the Genie, he still managed to be in character.

Somehow, you felt that he's doing you a kindness you don't deserve. Would it be like taking advantage of his kindness?

"Oh, Mr. V, you don't have to. We're basically just playing trick or treat, right? I mean you don't have to go to so much trouble,..."

"But, I insist." V answered with that disarming smirk of his. Damn, that smile! "And you can call me V. No need for such formalities."

Just like how V felt a few minutes earlier, you felt your face getting hotter with just that killer smile of his. However, unlike him, you're not wearing any makeup, save for some light lipstick and mascara. You could never hide your true feelings from him.

And so, with a sigh, you decided to just play along. "I suppose you will have a negative reaction if I ask you to turn me into a millionaire,..."

"Is it what you truly want? Wealth? Then, I could - "

"No! I mean, I'm only joking." You smiled nervously, feeling shocked after learning that V truly meant his word - that he really wanted to fulfill your three wishes. "It's not what I want."

"Then, please, tell me your deepest desires." V urged, his insistence actually making you a bit nervous and excited for the wrong reasons. “And I shall turn it into reality.”

With a deep sigh, you contemplated on what to say for a while. And when you finally decided on what to truly wish for, you spoke once more.

"Okay, first of all, I want you to have a rest day every once in a while." You noticed the look of question in his face and immediately clarified your statement. "Ah, I didn't mean this in a bad or hard way, believe me! It's just that, I noticed you work too hard, you barely have enough time for yourself. Maybe eat outside or cook something. Have fun with friends. Go to the mall, shop for clothes, or watch movies. Or if you want, you can drop by our house anytime you want and gran and I will prepare something for you. Or maybe, ahh, hang out?"

"Is that," V mused, a look of fascination in his gentle features. " ... an invitation, my lady?"

You swore he could kill you with that sultry voice and that devilish smile of his! You were even positive that you were blushing quite madly and shamelessly right before him. "I g - guess so. Yes."

"Oh, my. How generous of you. Well, then, what about the second wish?"

"Umm, let's see,... I want to," You muttered as you looked up at the Victorian style ceiling. " ... I want to have a proper rest."

"Hmm, and what does the lady mean by those words?"

You smiled guiltily at him. "I’ve been having some difficulty in sleeping for a month now. I just toss and turn around in bed, and I still couldn't sleep."

So, that explains the dark circles underneath her lovely (E/C) eyes,... "That,... must be really,... bothersome,..."

"Oh, you could say that again." You agreed, then sighed as you allowed your posture to slip for a slouch. "I miss those days when I could easily sleep like a child."

V hummed, then, a few moments later, he cleared his throat and went on. "And the third wish?"

"I want to move on."

The words came too fast that it almost slipped past V's radar.

What,... did she mean by those words?

"You,... want to move on?"

"Oh! Ah, scratch that, please. It's a joke, n - nothing too important,..." You stuttered, fully knowing that V would see through your lie.

And see through it, he sure did.

The desire to go out and have fun with friends. The longing to have a peaceful sleep.

And wanting to move on.

He knew, or at least figured out, what was really going on.

With a simple smile, he raised his metal cane that once belonged to Victor Blake ( not William Blake’s descendant ) and gently tapped your head with it. Then, as softly as he could, he raised your chin with his long and slender fingers and made you look him in the eye.

"Your wish,... is my command,..."

After your talk with the mysterious V, the rest of the day went by without so much as a ruckus. The host and hostess Avery and Roman, dressed as Morticia and Gomez Addams, graciously welcomed all the guests at the gate. Almost everyone who visited the house had their photos taken with Nero as the Teen Wolf Bond. However, he was not the most popular Halloween attraction. Dante, who finally made up his mind to chuck out his cheap Vergil cosplay, decided to just throw all pride and pretense aside and simply morphed into his Sin Devil Trigger form to scare people. And he became an instant hit. V declared he was too tired of granting people's wishes as the Genie after your conversation and decided to let Griffon and Shadow ( who only scared and bullied the hell out of the people who made out of Dante's prank without so much as a tear in one eye ) take over as his wish - granting familiars. Nico, who was staying in one of the rooms on the first floor, enjoyed the hell out of frightening people with her awesome effects.

And Kyrie? Apparently, she was stuck in the kitchen, waiting for someone to get lost in there so she could offer them the magical potions she made as a Good Witch.

There never was a Girl From Ring in the first place,...

***

❄ Snippets of V and Reader's conversations were based on a real - life conversation with @la-vita . ❄

***

❄❄❄

***

[notbigondoors]

Hi Vis! I've been reading Frankenstein to prepare my essay about it and I find some similarities between you and the creature. You're both artificial beings, yet innocent and pure of heart when you're "newborns". You are some sort of modern Frankenstein creation. Have you read the novel? I think it could comfort you when you feel like humans reject you- they're just ignorant and prejudiced. (Hope this serves the mun for inspiration or starters- I absolutely headcanon that Vis loves this novel!)

“I have read Mary Shelley’s novel, yes. It was recommended to me by Miss Romanoff and it has quickly become one of my favorites. I cannot say that it was overly entertaining or enjoyable in the sense that I found parts of it to be incredibly sad and unfortunate, but it was a very well-constructed piece in that it displays both Frankenstein and his creation in all their flawed glory as two imperfect beings, and yet the one that is dubbed a monster is actually the least selfish and the least scientifically and psychologically reckless of the two.

“This irony was not lost on me, nor were the similarities between the Creature and I. One person’s creature is a another’s vision. Some might say I am a creature. Some might say that the Creature was Frankenstein’s vision. I do empathize with his struggles, both physical and mental, with his loneliness and frustration, and with the disconnect between the way he relates to human beings and the way they perceive him. His view of himself is far different than how others see him, and because of that he feels not only alone and unwanted and unloved, but invalidated as well.

“I feel... fortunate... in a way... to not have some of his flaws and unfortunate circumstances which made attempts at integration into human society all the more difficult for him. For example, his very body is constructed from the dead, which I feel carries with it an instant taboo or revulsion for most humans before they even get to know him, and that is through absolutely no fault of his own. I, on the other hand, have the benefit of being constructed from new and advanced materials that are either respected by the scientific and medical communities or carry with them a pleasant mystique among humans not in scientific or medical fields.

“Also, whether biological, psychological, or merely a question of a lack of impulse control as physio-chemically dictated in his brain, the Creature suffers from a volatile temper and tendency towards violence. I feel it may not entirely be his fault, especially at first, since it does seem to be an impulse he has legitimate trouble controlling. His physical body is also mismatched and strange to him, and for example his handling of the child he accidentally kills seems to be an honest and tragic mistake on his part. The screaming upset him, he meant only to silence the child and did not know his own strength. However, at what point does the blame shift from the Creature to society and back again? Should he be blamed because he committed this and subsequent acts of violence, or should society be blamed for pushing him towards those ends, and for coddling and accepting an irresponsible scientific genius like Frankenstein over his initially innocent and unknowing creation?

“There may be no clear answer, no right one, as the guidelines of morality are often blurry and gray, but one thing became clear to me upon reading the novel. The cycle of perpetuating fear and violence, of stereotyping and ostracizing those who are different, and of making exceptions and allowances for intelligent people and those who perhaps more outwardly or visually conform to perceived societal norms regardless of their stability or intentions... will continue unless it is broken. In other words, we cannot continue to shelter, protect, and sympathize with Frankensteins and persecute Creatures simply for being who and what they are. Intention needs to be examined. Things like ignorance and innocence can be corrected and improved upon with education and experience, but a god complex? Hubris? A disregard for the consequences of one’s actions? Not so much. We must consider merit, circumstance, and responsibility and weight them more heavily against things like outward appearance or what society tells you is safe, comfortable, or right. We must lead, each of us in our own lives, not follow. Only then will humankind break their own societal and psychological cycles that promote discrimination and violence while idealizing "normalcy” and unconstrained bravado.

“Science is never wrong. It is only a tool. However, man’s intended use of the science he discovers can be very wrong. The fault lies with the scientist and not the experiment at the moment conception, literal or figurative, but that experiment going forward has a responsibility to better itself regardless of how it is treated. Rising above, taking the high road, going high when they go low, and other such human phrases are examples of what the Creature had a responsibility to himself to do. Unfortunately, he chose to degrade into violence and revenge. While an active choice of his, it was heavily influenced by how he was treated, and for that I am sorry. Perhaps someone without his temper or impulsiveness might have chosen a different path, or perhaps the same Creature, treated with kindness for a much longer term such as what the blind man showed to him, could have had time to learn restraint and tolerance. I suppose we will never know.

“I do know the feeling of being an imperfect creature created by imperfect scientific geniuses, but I struggle to be certain that each choice I make is fully my own. What I mean is, I hope to avoid the Creature’s pitfalls of letting anger, sadness, and loneliness dictate his actions. I wish to act from an informed perspective, or at the very least, not in haste or due to any temporary or flaring emotions. I cannot control how others perceive me, but I can control how I react to them and how I conduct myself on an everyday basis, and I choose not to lash out. Rather, I am attempting to learn from humans even as I navigate my own life and emotions which are still very new to me.”

Vision paused now, realizing that he had been rambling for quite some time. “Although I will admit that I do appear to have a persistent problem with verbosity,” he said simply, smiling shyly and concluding his speech for the moment.

[punkscowardschampions]

Jac & Savannah

Jac: [screenshot of a totally acceptable amount of messages from Isabelle] Jac: 😩😩😩 Jac: She is so mentally exhausting Savannah: The girl needs more extracurricular activities Savannah: netball is just not doing enough for her Jac: Seriously Jac: what sort of uni does she think she'll get into with that lack of variety 🙄🙄 Jac: never mind how boring it'll make her seem to any potential friends or boyfriends when she gets there, IF she gets there Savannah: do you think she'll even go, when she can't get into any of our choices? Savannah: she's so not ready to cut ties with you Jac: Honestly, I don't even know Jac: like, that is SO much pressure on me Jac: she doesn't even realize that, I swear Jac: or she doesn't care 🤷 Savannah: It's like having another little sister sometimes, I don't know how you've coped with her for so long Savannah: you're an actual living saint Jac: You're the saint for saving me ❤❤❤ Savannah: Isabelle drove Amelia away with all the pressure she puts on her friendships Savannah: I had to meet you & save you Jac: She did Jac: don't get me wrong, Meels could be hard work too but at times, I'd rather be on her side Jac: it's crazy how isolated I let her get me, you don't think badly of me, do you? Savannah: 😔 do you miss her, boo? 😢 Savannah: I think badly of Is for doing that to you Jac: I don't need either of them, I've got you Jac: neither of them can compete, or like anyone else we go to school with Jac: it happened so slowly, then all at once Jac: we need to think of a way to distract her Savannah: My heart! 🥰 You're the force for everything good in my life, I swear to god Savannah: I've got you, baby girl, what we need to do is find her a man who'll stay Savannah: Let me get Ty's phone Jac: You are the only thing from this life I'm taking with me into my actual life I'm gonna have Jac: when we get out of this place and make something of ourselves Savannah: ^^^👏 Yes Jac: 🤔 Who's lowkey dumb enough Jac: dumb might be harsh but like, he's gonna have to put up with A LOT to wanna, no offense 😂 Savannah: I'm not judging, you've known her longer than I have Savannah: & she's made sure you know her better too Jac: It's so juniors of her Jac: like of all the people who don't deserve that treatment ➡ you, the sweetest angel ever Jac: the possessiveness, just because we met like first day of school, doesn't mean we've got to live and die together now Jac: especially if you're not gonna grow with me, babe Savannah: It's fine, I can be the bigger person here Savannah: we both understand that the universe was not ready to put me on the same path as you the second that school started, even if she doesn't Savannah: she doesn't date black boys which is going to wipe out half of this list, not speculating wildly like that fact is related to why we're not BFFs though 🤫 Jac: 👑❤ Jac: I'm all about who's made the most positive change in my life, not who's been in it the longest, not sorry about that Jac: only 😎 colourblind if you're light enough Jac: the levels of problematic Jac: speaking of, who's that guy, the one who was BEYOND wasted at the last party? Savannah: She's scared of change, I feel bad for her, because we all know that's her mum trying to keep her childish Savannah: OH! 🙌 Carter Savannah: You're a genius Savannah: they can be problematic together and leave the rest of us out of it Jac: When you and your mother both need to get a hobby 😏 Jac: Right, though? Jac: Would that not be perfect Savannah: honestly! Savannah: he's at EVERY party, as long as Is doesn't have too many shots too early again Savannah: 💘👼🏻 Jac: and he's a sporty guy too Jac: like I would NEVER 😷 Jac: but she's SO welcome Savannah: When you go back two or three years & his name's on literally every 🏆🏆🏆 Savannah: OH MY GOD! YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE WHAT TY'S TOLD ME THIS SECOND Jac: ?????? Savannah: I'm shouting because his parents are going away THIS weekend 🙏 it's perfect Savannah: & of course I will sacrifice the precious alone time we could've had if it means you get some away from her Jac: 🌌🪐☄️☀️ timing Jac: you don't mind? ❤ Savannah: I don't know why he's only telling me now when there's no way he found out a second ago himself but I couldn't love him more for helping us make this happen so he's forgiven Savannah: it's fate baby, how could I mind? Good things happen every time I trust in that Savannah: She'll let you dress her, won't she? Jac: That's men for you Jac: can't say useless when they clearly have some but 🤭 bless Jac: If I commit to a shopping trip Jac: she keeps asking Jac: it'll be tiresome but worth it in the long run Savannah: He does not appreciate the recovery time on a wax when your skin is as sensitive as mine is, but that's a venting session for another day 🙄 Savannah: I'll obviously come with, unless you think that'll make it worse Jac: 🙄 How are more boys not genius level intelligent Jac: the amount of time they don't have to spend worrying about the things we do, and they're out here putting it to waste Jac: we would never, could never 💅 Jac: Of course I want you to come Jac: but we know she'll be in a better mood to party if I give her my undivided attention 🙄 Savannah: SO true Savannah: I'll give him mine then, make sure he's also in the mood to party Savannah: I can't handle a sulk, he looks too adorable, it makes me die Jac: 🙏 we need your free, boy Jac: get on board or I swear, I'm gonna lose it with her fully 😵😤😰 Savannah: we can lose her in his parents' sauna, hang in there 👼🏻 Jac: if we can make use before because I won't be getting in there after them 😷🤢 Savannah: You have to come over early anyway because my hair is a law onto itself right now & I will have a breakdown if Ty tells me to be natural one more time Savannah: can you not 👮 me, boy Savannah: I need to look beautiful for myself as well as you Jac: Self-love is so much more important Jac: I got you Savannah: if you don't see us at this party it's because we're arguing Savannah: I can feel it coming Jac: 😬 Jac: You know I'll cover for you, goes without saying Jac: is he like, under some kind of extra pressure rn, like what's his deal? Savannah: he insists he's not but he wouldn't ever normally jump down my throat for asking Savannah: so, like, you don't have to be a wannabe psychology student to realise there's something Jac: I think boys will remain a mystery, even when we get our PhDs Jac: A party will make him feel better Jac: it's clearly not about you though, you're the perfect girlfriend Savannah: I could cry Savannah: maybe I should just go home Jac: Honey Jac: Tell me where you need me to be Savannah: [a very them location] Jac: I'm there, babe ❤ Jac: Is there anything you need beside a listening ear and shoulder to cry on, obviously Savannah: take my phone when you get here so I don't contact him until I'm less of a wreck Jac: Duh Jac: nothing but totally composed, fully logical, 🧠 led texts only Jac: you are so NOT that girl Savannah: I don't want to be but I've got that child of divorce neediness now Savannah: I can't even blame him, I would NOT date me Jac: Don't even Jac: You are incredible Jac: a force of nature Jac: he's lucky to have you Savannah: You know how much I love you, right? Savannah: it's off any scale Jac: Of course, it's exactly how much I love you Jac: 👭🔥 Savannah: I swear to god, if we get Isabelle a man & I end up single, I will have to run away though Jac: No way Jac: he knows his luck, for his sins Savannah: I've given him way too much power to hurt me with by loving him as much as I do Savannah: I'm so lucky I also have you Savannah: & you would never Jac: It's all about trust Jac: and it's rare that you find anyone you can fully give your trust too in your life Jac: never mind multiple people Savannah: ^^^ Savannah: my parents didn't have it & they were together for like two decades Jac: It's sad Jac: so many people do and will settle for less Jac: I can't imagine how, honestly Savannah: you're on a different level to everyone else I've ever met Savannah: the word settle doesn't exist for you Jac: but you have to remember, you're on that level too Jac: I won't let you forget Jac: or settle Savannah: I'm scared that I've put all this energy into the wrong things Jac: You said it best, the universe knows what it's doing Jac: what you're ready for and what you're not, put your trust in it Jac: if this is meant to be more, it will be, if it's meant to be a teaching moment to make you an even better person, then it will be Savannah: you're BEYOND right Savannah: & you can never leave me, even if he does Jac: I never will Jac: I KNOW we're meant to be Savannah: Me too Savannah: my dad has shaken my faith in literally everything else but not us Jac: We're different Jac: we've known each other forever, I think Jac: countless past lives, and we're gonna keep knowing each other Jac: we're meant to do something big together, I can feel it Savannah: I feel too connected to you for that not to be true Jac: It is Jac: Whatever else, you can count on that, forever Savannah: you've made everything better Savannah: in this moment and all the rest Jac: That's what I'm here for Savannah: I'm supposed to also be here for you & I haven't asked how you are Savannah: SO selfish Savannah: Am I turning into Isabelle? Jac: your hair is not THAT wrecked, please 😏 Savannah: 😄 Savannah: I'm never getting it THAT flat Jac: Bless her Jac: if she'd lay off the highlights Savannah: we need to sit her down for a deep condition Jac: We could invite her to pre party prep... 🤔 Savannah: every day beforehand 😄 Jac: She's gonna need it Jac: ideally we'd have longer to do a full detox but you know Savannah: Even Ty agrees that we've got our hands full Savannah: he says Carter's too old for her 🤭 Jac: We all agree she could do with growing up a bit Jac: not that he isn't as immature 🙄 Jac: perfect couple 🚨 Savannah: when you went out with Eli he didn't say a word & he was the same age 💅 Jac: It's all down to her mum Jac: she's coddled her to the degree Is just gives off this PROTECT ME vibe Jac: Ty don't even know why Savannah: ^^^ Savannah: he thought she was a virgin still, it was so cute, baby boy no Jac: If everyone knew her how we do 👀🍵 Savannah: Enough about Is, who are you bringing & what are you wearing? Jac: [sends outfit options] Jac: 'cos lord knows all my attention will HAVE to go on her outfit when we go on this shopping trip Savannah: Oh you just have to go with the first one! I'm in LOVE Savannah: not even looking at the others, sorry Jac: 🤭🥰 that's decided then Jac: who I want to bring or if, is another question entirely Savannah: What about Cillian? I obviously don't mean the one in our year 🚫🚫🚫 Jac: He has potential Jac: did he go out with Sammy in our year though? Savannah: She asked him & he politely declined Jac: 😏 That makes him more promising Savannah: he doesn't date girls that aren't in his own year but I know he'd reconsider if you wanted him to Jac: you have the best ideas Savannah: He noticed when you got that mention in assembly, that was all you 🧠✨ Jac: At least he should be able to hold a conversation too then Savannah: I've heard him debate, he's really impressive Jac: Are you sure you don't wanna ask him, boo? 🤫🤭 Savannah: 😳 Jac: You totally like him Savannah: I can look & sometimes I do, don't judge me Jac: No judgment here Jac: it sounds like you have lots in common Savannah: We've attended a few of the same university lectures Jac: and he's cute Jac: I won't ask him Savannah: nothing's ever going to happen between me & him, so you should, if you think he's cute Jac: you can't say never Jac: who knows what the universe has in store for your future Savannah: Do you think Ty's going to end it? Jac: Of course not Jac: I don't think Ty will get into Uni Jac: you know it'll be different, especially when you get into your first choice and have to move away Savannah: His parents want him to stay here & he hasn't said he won't Jac: It takes a certain kind of man to follow 'round a girl Jac: and honestly, 'cos you know I'm always going to tell you how it is, because I care about you, okay? Jac: is that the sort of man you want, anyway Jac: what is his plan, after school Savannah: He doesn't believe in committing to a long term plan, besides us staying together, of course Savannah: you know I used to love that about him, because it's like he's the missing, more relaxed part of me Savannah: but lately the differences feel exhausting Jac: And that's now Jac: when you live in the same town, and see each other at least 5 days of the week without needing to do anything, put any effort in Jac: I just worry that the commitment-phobe is gonna jump out when it isn't that easy for him Savannah: oh god Jac: I could be wrong Jac: but I never want to keep anything from you Jac: even if it's hard to hear Savannah: Nobody knows me better than you Savannah: or has seen more of us as a couple Savannah: you're saying it because it needs to be said Jac: 😔 Jac: I am Jac: the last thing you need is to be blindsided by it Savannah: I can't go through that kind of heartbreak again, me & my dad still aren't talking Jac: You've had to be strong enough already Jac: like, he needs to think about what he wants, be clear with his intentions, you deserve that Jac: even if he isn't about making plans for himself, you can't live your life beholden to his lack of, it's not fair Savannah: This isn't a discussion I can have with him in [wherever they are] Savannah: 😢 Jac: Of course not Jac: your response would be beyond emotional Jac: you need to collect your thoughts first Savannah: Can I stay with you? Home is totally chaotic & I obviously can't stay at his Jac: You don't even need to ask Jac: there's always a place for you at mine Savannah: Thank you Jac: Jude isn't here and I can always make Jameson leave too Jac: not that they'll bother us Jac: total calm is needed Savannah: until Is decides she needs something Jac: 📴 Jac: she'll have to cope without me for five minutes Jac: you're so more important than any of her faux drama could ever be Savannah: It's going to be so embarrassing to have to share any of this with her Savannah: I can't Jac: You don't have to Jac: it's none of her business Jac: and you don't know yet, Ty might prove himself Savannah: what would I do without you? Jac: That's one question you don't need to worry about ❤ Savannah: We can still have the party, I'm not trying to ruin your life or that plan Jac: Oh, I don't care about that Jac: I just want you to feel better Jac: we can think about that later Savannah: I want the same for you though Savannah: I care that she's raising your stress levels daily Jac: I'll feel better when you do, I swear Savannah: this is going to make me sound awful but I think we have to still have the party because if we don't, he'll want to spend time with me anyway Savannah: & I'd rather have you there until I know what to do Jac: No, that's totally fair Jac: I'm more than down to go ahead Jac: project management will be a great distraction at any rate, and we can spend our Isabelle free hours actually talking about your plan going forward Savannah: I just can't lead him on by pretending everything's normal when it's not, you know? Jac: No, you don't want to lie Jac: that's not going to help anyone, and you owe it to yourself as well as him to remain as honest as you always are Savannah: I'm so glad you understand Jac: Always Savannah: I love him so much & I want him to be happy Savannah: but I can't sacrifice the future I have planned, I'd end up resenting him & it would eventually fall apart however hard I try Jac: Exactly Jac: it's about the people you're going to be, as well as the people you are now Jac: sometimes you have to harm to help, that's just facts Savannah: ^^^ Savannah: I'd have to stop growing & I'm not going to do that Jac: And you aren't saying he isn't going to grow too Jac: but you might need to acknowledge you aren't growing in the same directions Savannah: it hurts my heart that he could be growing away from me but it'll hurt us both more if I refuse to see it Savannah: we could get married & have babies, then we're a variation on who my parents are Savannah: my dad is a black male stereotype & he's made me a statistic, that's bad enough Jac: I get it, both my granddad's are the worst, actually Jac: they may as well not exist, honestly Jac: You're way too smart and wonderful to get stuck into that cycle Savannah: A bare minimum of what I want for my life is to break it Jac: ^^ Jac: Me too Jac: God knows it is overdue Savannah: I wish we had Is' privilege but that isn't who we are Jac: I could shake her Jac: she has no idea how easy she has it Savannah: 👏

[xxxdownwithmydemonsxxx]

Do not ignore this post if you relate to being a fuck up, diagnosed abnormal, or dont see having a future.

I cant be the only one out there who hasn't stopped fucking up since coming into existence.. follow my journey if you can relate in anyway to the things I share. dont be scared to send me asks, i am an open book and wont withhold from satisfying your curiosities. if you're alone with your thoughts and need to vent, feel welcome to flood my dm's and I will respond as soon as I can because I understand when we feel pain and are left to process by ourselves, that is when the bad thoughts seep into our mind, saturating our thoughts, and darkening our souls.

Anyway, 🥀☠🖤

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Page turned. A week ago my partner and I decided to give life one more effort before letting our lives fade to black.

Warning, before continuing to read, my thoughts are poured straight from my mind and into these posts. You must be willing to give up some of your time in order to read what I gave up my time to type.

25 years spent living in chaos and self-destruction with the inevitable escape to try again, only making the same decisions leading to insanity. Surprisingly enough, I made it to the end of 2019. Thanks to my best friend, now partner, I was able to realize how fucked off I let myself become. The trauma I locked away, thinking it wouldnt affect me, had complete control over my mind and physical actions, which resulted in me allowing everyone to take advantage of my entire sense of self.

I have a lot of gaps in my memory, more recently because my mind would "check-out" and I would go into auto pilot to avoid the stress or pain that I just couldn't handle processing.

But I'll never forget the time my mind checked back into my body because it was the most terrifying experience I've ever had to feel and process and understand. Sparing details, whether I close my eyes or not, I can clearly see myself looking at my partner who is sobbing and looks tired and full of pain. I felt myself come back into my body, sounds went from some sort of inaudible fog to sharpening where I could hear what she was saying to me. For a couple seconds after I was coming back to myself, I stared blankly because I couldnt process or feel anything but all at once I started blinking and felt whole again. Disprientated and confused at what was going on but at that moment what I was being told finally clicked. I was ready to hear how fucked up I became. How anything I say or do doesnt make sense and I contradict myself all the time and that I have been on a path to self destruct one more time, leaving myself with no friends or family to lean on, burning every bridge, leaving myself to some suicide mission and I didnt even realize what I was doing. I did things I dont remember doing, I said things I would never say to people I care about, and I was in complete denial. Not the kind of denial where you ignore facts but know you're kind of wrong- I'm talking about straight denial where I wasn't able to decipher fact from fiction and I thought my thoughts were true, however after the fact, I knew it was denial because nothing I did added up. Traumas a bitch, huh?

Anyway, terrifying & never want to live through losing my mind ever again. I'm surprised I made it out of the past 24 years still sane because if we look at statistics, I should've died anywhere from a decade ago to today.

Where was I.. oh, turning the page.

Whatever or Whoever had the power to not only restore my sanity but also give me the strength to process a lot of what I had suppressed, has offered me the opportunity to live and I believe this is my last chance to figure it out. I've been given a gift by the Universe and given how brilliant I actually am, I'm not going to deny accepting it.

A week ago I started making necessary changes- changes I've never made before or fully committed to. Externally and internally there has been an immense shift, from wiping the slate clean with disconnecting from everyone except my mom and girlfriend, to cleaning out, rearranging, and making my apartment an entirely new space and vibe, and internally because now that I'm aware of the choices I have been making that hurt myself and others, i can rewire my mind to stop before acting out of habit and I can act in accordance to how I genuinely feel or think. It's become liberating and I feel my sense of self developing as I continue to experience life with a new set of awareness and understanding.

It's been about a week, 6-7 days, since making the decision to go all in with doing something different and theres a new battle with each new day, but I have never been so motivated to figure out a way to keep pushing forward because for once in my life I see a future worth living for. Finally, a glimpse of hope and happiness, things I didnt think were obtainable for me in this life.

I originally said "page turned", but what is more fitting would be to consider it the second installment on my life's series.

If I continue to make it through each day alive then Part 2 of my life will develop into quite a story. I'm sharing through Tumblr my experiences with the intent to show broken souls who believe they are destined fuck ups, that there is way out of self-induced madness and happiness can be obtained. For me, when I was able to even slightly accept the idea of being happy, that gave me an excessive amount of motivation to the point where I will kill anyone who stands in my way of obtaining something I didnt think I would ever have. The amount of dopamine that floods my entire mind, body, and soul gets me higher than i have ever been and I'm addicted to it. I fiend for the rush that encompasses my entire existence so much that I nearly pass out everytime.

I'm weird. I'm nonconforming. I'm psychotic. I'm dramatic. I'm sick in the head. I'm not fucking normal. So I'm going to be the 1% who got down with my demons and (hopefully) lives to finish Part 2.

[malexfan10]

Malex thoughts

I was watching some old episodes of Dawson's Creek and it made me want to get some thoughts out. I watched a lot of TV shows growing up. For me, the couples I liked were either ones I casually rooted for or on the rare occasion, a couple took me by such surprise that I became extremely emotionally invested. Malex is the latter.

I've been a fan of Captain Swan (OUAT), Stydia (Teen Wolf), Kurt & Blaine (Glee), Buffy & Angel and lots more. The rare pairings I've been completely lost on, I can name on one hand. Pacey & Joey (my first OTP), Chandler & Monica and Malex. I'd say Destiel on Supernatural too but with them, everything is subtext. I don't think the writers will have the guts to go there, not even with the show ending.

With PJ, I love how they started as antagonists, became really great friends, and then fell in love. For me, PJ vs DJ was incomparable. DJ brought out the worst in each other (my opinion) while PJ showed each other what love was supposed to be. The only thing I hated about DC was the constant back & forth between the two pairings. It lasted until the final moment when you realized PJ was endgame (one of my fears for Malex). I hated that but I was a kid so it didn't bother me as much as it would now.

I loved Chandler & Monica because they started out as friends who fell in love, got married and had all the moments in between before adopting a set of twins. I loved their story because it showed their entire journey. True, the show was a comedy but their story didn't end in season 5 when they started dating. Their story just began.

It's hard understanding writers who feel that only the journey matters. Of course it does. The journey is important. It's what makes you root for a couple but the destination and what happens after is important too. It makes you continue rooting for them, seeing all that angst and pain amounting to something substantial in the end.

So as much as I loved PJ, the fact that they kept us guessing until the last 5 minutes before we realized who she chose was too much. The long, drawn out, multi-season, will they/won't they storytelling style is one I'll never be a fan of.

Which leads me to Malex.

They were two broken boys, both brought up under horrible circumstances, who found the missing piece of themselves in each other. When Alex gave Michael a warm and safe place to stay, it was probably the first act of true kindness Michael had ever experienced and it was made by a boy whose pain and suffering mirrored his own. How incredibly heartbreaking but beautiful is that? That initial bond, that "cosmic" connection stood the test of time. Separated for 10 years and it felt like no time had passed at all.

That first moment in the pilot episode outside his Airstream, you could feel the tension. I remember reading interpretations of that scene. People thought Malex were cold and angry with one another "probably over a girl". Are you kidding me? That tension could only be romantic. But that first kiss at the reunion was when I hopped on the Malex Forever train. One stop only. Endgame.

They set them up so amazingly in the first three episodes. The angst was there but you could also feel the deep love between them. They weren't shown as two guys who had a fling back in high school and then crossed paths again 10 years later, said what the hell and hooked up again. No, they were shown as soulmates. Their level of connection even scared and confused them but they both knew it existed. Their love was pure and true and rare.

With all their history and with so many odds already stacked against them, the writers deciding to throw in a triangle just because they could and doing it in such a rushed and messy way really made me scratch my head.

Carina said she loved the triangle on DC. I honestly think she was the only one. That show was incredibly divided, DJ vs PJ. But as much as I hated the constant back and forth, I'll give the DC writers some credit. Joey's feelings for both were fully touched on. I saw her romantic feelings for Pacey more profound and her feelings for Dawson as true friendship (just my opinion), but both sides were shown in depth.

The problem with Roswell? Where did those feelings come from between M&M? They shared a moment when Maria cried and I took that as the start of a wonderful friendship. I was obviously wrong. They hooked up in the desert. OK I hated it but they were two single people and Maria didn't know about Alex so I accepted. All of a sudden, the feelings were real and Maria was conflicted because of how strong her feelings were. Michael chose to be with Maria because he needed something fresh and new and according to the wonderful Vlamis, someone he also had strong feelings for (still hate that last interview LOL).

I understand where Michael was coming from a little better, as much as I hate it and hate how he went about it by leaving Alex just waiting. He'd been through so much trauma and Max and Isobel kept telling him to stop looking to the past (which, really Max? If someone told you that about Liz, would you listen?? But he died so he gets a pass). But as far as Maria's feelings are concerned, I feel like I missed something.

Between episodes 9 and 10, did the M&M feelings bloom overnight from flirty banter to crush to "OMG this is love"? Was their moment in the desert that mind-blowing that the weirdness of episode 11 happened? I don't get it.

The one thing going against M&M is that Malex is overwhelmingly loved and has been embraced by fans and critics alike.

One critic said it best when they reviewed the finale (Vulture).

"I was intrigued by the possibility of Michael/Maria at first, but the love triangle has been so rushed — with so little time spent on Maria’s developing feelings for Michael — that it’s ended up just making her look terrible. We know from Maria’s conversation with Liz that she hasn’t even spoken to Alex about the situation because she feels too guilty, and so having her accept Michael with open arms is such an odd note. Sure, she doesn’t know Alex is waiting for Michael right at the same moment, but she does know that he’s been in love with Michael for a decade."

And therein lies the problem. A lifelong friendship ruined over a guy (unless Carina makes Alex give his blessing next season which would really make me scream) to push forward a pairing that had little development and makes Maria look bad. One side of the triangle is Michael's soulmate and the other side is the friend with sudden feelings. Not the best character development which is sad because we know how awesome Maria can be and as mad as I am with her, her character that I enjoyed until episode 10 and the actress deserve better. But instead of being original, the writers chose the path always taken. They chose to use her as the odd end of a triangle where, unless they want everyone to hate the show, she will likely be the one forced out so Malex can eventually reunite and for what? Drama?

Season 1 started out really strong and it still had a lot of strong moments in the latter episodes (end scene of episode 9 between Malex, Liz & Jenna being kickass in episode 11, all of episode 12 - my fave of the season, Kyle's confrontation with Jesse etc).

But honestly, I feel like the inclusion of this triangle (amongst other reveals like Noah as the 4th alien) somewhat brought the story down. The writing for M&M felt OOC and was messily done.

Only in recent years have LGBT pairings started becoming more mainstream, given better development and importance in the overall story. With Malex, they have the potential of making Michael and Alex one of the greatest love stories on TV. As much as I love the show, I'm not saying Roswell is on the same level as Breaking Bad or The Sopranos etc. But from all the pairings on the show, Malex is the most profound and has the potential to go down as one of the best on TV. To overcome everything they've been through and still choose each other and their love would be the ultimate happy ending because unlike most male/female pairings that go through mostly regular angst, being two males in a small town, Malex have a whole other level of obstacles to face. That doesn't even include their personal history, the fact that Michael is an alien or that Alex's father is the cause of so much pain between them. Or the fact that Alex is a disabled war veteran. I mean, there is so much amazing points to their story. They are the OTP of OTPs.

But so far, it feels like the triangle is the only major roadblock the writers want to concentrate on and that's the biggest mistake of all.

Season 2 hasn't aired yet. We don't know how little (🤞) or how long (😢) M&M will last. We'll just have to wait and see how it goes and hope that Twitter Carina is not the same as Season 2 showrunner Carina.

But for me, Malex will always be each other's endgame. That's what I saw in the first 3 episodes. That's what I saw in the flashbacks. That's what I saw in Caulfield. Try and convince me differently, show. You'll fail.

❤

[littlemisssquiggles]

I've been reading through your latest post about Mistral starting the Second Great War of Remnant and something immediately jumped into my mind. There is a theory floating around that Cinder might be a descendant of the Mistralean (?) royalty and that her ultimate goal is to restore her family's empire. I am considering to make a post about that myself, but for now, I just wanted to know: what do you think of Cinder being part of the former Mistralean royal family?

Hello again Mizu. Well to be honest, this is my first time hearing about thistheory for CinderFall. When I think about it, it could be apossibility in a sense when I look at Cinder’s fairy tale inspiration. Cinderella was originally a young girl who was treated as a slave byher wicked stepmother and stepsisters who eventually married into royalty whenshe fell in love with the prince of her story.

Cinder being of Mistralian or Mistrali royalty could actually fit. Perhaps Cinder Fall had a Sophia theFirst kind of experience as a child where shewas the daughter of someone whomarried into royalty but was mistreated by her new royalfamily who never fully accepted her in. 

For the sake of this theory, let’s say:

Cinder was once poor living with herfather in the slums of Mistral. In the beginning, Cinder used to be a rathercompassionate person who cared a lot for her father. Her father wasn’t awell-man and mostly depended on Cinder to care for him. Not that she minded.But things changed after her father met and married the daughter of a Mistraliaristocrat. 

After the wedding, Cinder and her father moved out of their oldhome and into the lap of luxury. A feat which made Cinder happy since she usedto pray that one day her luck would change since she used to believe that herdestiny was to die poor. But after her father’s new marriage, she figuredthings were finally beginning to work in her favour.

Unfortunately Cinder was wrong. Let’s say Cinder’s new royal stepmotherdidn’t like her very much. She used to treat Cinder like garbage and made hernew life miserable when the poor girl expected things to be better. ThoughCinder tried to warn her father about her stepmother’s mistreatment of her, toCinder’s dismay, the stepmother basically turned her own father against herwith him often taking his new wife’s side over his own daughter’s. 

To makematters worse, the stepmother also had two other spoiled children who wouldalso take turns abusing Cinder; ridiculing her on a daily basis emotionally andat times, even physically. Despite living in a castle as the daughter of theclosest thing to Mistrali royalty, instead of feeling like a princess andliving the happily ever after she always dreamed of having, Cinder’s dreams were turned to nightmares by the hands of her so-called new family. 

To make a long storyshort, at some point, let’s say…Cinder’s father winds up passing away but during their marriage, the father had acquired his own status to the point thathe owned some form of royal privilege despite coming from rags. Basically thefather passed and left his share of the estate to Cinder as she was his onlychild. Basically Cinder was to take her father’s place and inherit his status and all of its perks.

Let’ssay, for the sake of this headcanon of mine, that Cinder’s father used to be amember of the Mistral Council who governed the kingdom.

Perhaps Cinder’s father was once alower-class man who married into wealth and then used his newfound status to join the political side of things beforeworking his way up to becoming a member of the Mistral Council. Almost like a Jacques Schnee type of scenario only that Cinder’s father was actually a good man.

And after hisdeath, it was originally believed that his daughter would take his placehowever that authority was stripped out of Cinder’s hands by her wickedstepmother.

Angered by the fact that her latehusband would give his seat to Cinder rather than one of her daughters, thisled to the stepmother increasing her abuse on Cinder to the point that she even tried tokill Cinder. Possibly by drowning her. Pushing her into the depth of raging sea waters on the outskirts of the kingdom in the hopes that her corpse would never be found due to the tide.

But unbeknownst to the stepmother, Cinder survived like she alwaysdoes and after washing up ashore somewhere far from home, that’s when Cinderwas discovered by Salem…or rather someone who would eventually take her toSalem.

And the rest, from there is history.

If the CRWBY Writers decided to playaround with something like this for Cinder’s story then cool. But up until thispoint in the main series narrative, there hasn’t really been much of anything totie Cinder to originally coming from royalty. If anything Cinder’s story couldeasily be one where she came from poverty, mistreated by an abusive family thatmade her feel helpless and afraid, thus fuelling her desire to become someonepowerful enough to strike fear into the hearts of her enemies.

Cinder doesn’t necessarily need to haveroyal roots to desire to acquire an empire. Heck you can even say that royalty isone of the perks of being powerful. Even if you are on the wealthiest people inthe world, money becomes practically invaluable when in the face of a beingwith abilities grandiose in nature. If the series Empire has taught me onething—it ain’t about the money. It’s about the power. Power over money.

And power is something that Cinderdesires most of all. So I guess my actual answer to this would be that I don’t mindthe Cinder being connected to Mistrali royalty theory. 

I just need moreclarification from the show in the form of Cinder’s actual backstory. That’ssomething I’m still waiting for the showrunners to delve into to shed morelight on where Cinder came from. If Cinder’s past sheds light on what othershave speculated with royal roots rooted in the government of Mistral thenkudos.

But for now, this squiggle meister isgoing to stick with the Cinder theory she’s always had. That Cinder, similar toMercury, was once a meek young woman who came from an abusive family whotreated her like garbage and made her to feel powerless in a world where power meant everything. Thus from that abusebirthed a megalomaniac with an insatiable hunger to gain the power toturn the tides in her favour. 

To transform this formerly feeble young girl intoan intimidating goddess among men feared by all who dared stand before her. Andthis young girl soon became the perfect target for her insecurities and innerdesires to be preyed upon and coaxed by a wicked witch, playing Fairy godmotherto said child, turning her into her an apprentice.

I’m going to stick with all thetheories I’ve shared on Cinder thus far, including my newest one about herbecoming the Red Queen—replacing Salem as the Masterof Grimm after finally giving into her Grimmhalf and becoming the first ever Grimm-human hybrid. A Grimmoire as a dubbed it.Half human, half Geist Grimm with the abilitiy to take possession of other human’s bodies and steal their form. I even gave a small hunch about Grimmoire Cinder stealing Neo’s body after fully-realizing her Grimm powers following another crushing defeat by our heroes.

I know the Neo-stans aren’t going to like that at all but…seriously, what are the Writers going to do with Neo after V7? If Neo doesn’t AT LEAST get a happy ending (y’know becoming the General Jingur of the RWBY-verse so we can have another Marvelous Land of Oz character for Atlas with her ultimately settling down and marrying Henry Marigold) then…what are they gonna do with her after Atlas?

Anyways upon her ascension into Red Queenstatus, Cinder will move onto fulfill her destiny of becoming the biggestthreat in Remnant history by acquiring control of Salem’s former Grimm army aswell as the armies of Mistral and Mantle who, under her influence, spark another Great War in Remnant; repeating history as they try to conquer Vacuo and Vale following the Fall of Atlas. 

To further her ascent, Cinder would evengrow powerful enough to fully dethrone Salem, stripping her of all her magicalpower in a time when she’s most vulnerable before setting her sites on higherpowers—the remaining Relics so that Cinder may repeat the same attempt thatSalem did years ago.

To challenge the Brother Gods butunlike Salem who desired revenge against the Gods, Cinder’s aspiration would beto kill the Gods so that in the end, only she would stand as the most powerfulbeing in all of Remnant—more powerful than Salem and more powerful than  the Gods themselves.

This is the path I see Cinder going. It’sa destructive path but it’s one that I personally see fitting of the type ofcharacter Cinder had been portrayed to be. 

Now this is only plausible if Cinderis destined to survive past another season. I’m waiting to see how V7 shapes up since I’m still on the fence about whether or not Cinder has a bigger role toplace in RWBY or if she’ll end up being killed off in the same manner as AdamTaurus in V6. 

For now, that’s my take on it. Hope this answers your question Mizu.

~LittleMissSquiggles(2019)

[emoyeosang]

sunsets ♡ (san fluff)

you guys this is my very first fic, please be nice to meeeee ~

Word Count: 1,815

♡

It had been quite literally the most stressful week you've had in awhile. You've been working overtime at the cafe and spending wisely to save up and move to Seoul to be with your best friend who left 2 months prior. You were both offered to be accepted into an amazing dance company but you unfortunately didn't have enough money to leave right away like your best friend, Miya did. She offered to stay behind and wait until you could go together but you refused in fear of holding her back just because you weren't the best at managing your money. So here you were two months later working yourself too hard and barely enjoying anything you used to. No dancing, no painting, no listening to music or just walking in your favorite park as the sun was setting.

It's was about 5 pm and though you wanted to stay on the clock longer, your manager who was usually very strict, noticed that you looked extremely exhausted. She told you to take the rest of the day off and take it easy so you would be well rested and energized for your next shift. It was very unlike her to do something like this so you realized it was probably for the best. You finished your side work duties, clocked out and made your way outside for the short walk home.

As you began walking, an overwhelming urge to stay out a little longer came to you when you noticed the sun was soon to set and the sky was a mix of orange and soft pink. Though your feet disagreed to a longer walk, you ignored the soreness and began a different path to your favorite park.

The air was cool and soothing to your skin and you felt yourself starting to loosen up and relax with every step you took. As you arrived you noticed that it wasn't very crowded as usual and your favorite spot under a tall oak tree was calling to you. The spot was on a small hill and always made the best view for sunsets. You'd find yourself at this spot often when you needed to get away from everything or when you wanted inspiration whether it be for your paintings or dancing. This was the place that felt so much like home to you. As you sat down on the soft patch of grass near the tree you all of a sudden began to feel emotional. You were drained and unhappy. You had been avoiding those feelings for months but something about sitting there made you feel everything at once and so heavily. Maybe it was because this was the only place you felt at ease, even if it would only last awhile.

The sun was beginning to set and the sky never looked so beautiful. The wind gently caressed your face as you sat quietly feeling waves of emotions come and go when you sensed someone approaching near you. Being someone who mostly traveled alone you felt a surge of anxiety for a split second before you turned to face the stranger. He seemed to be nervous and held a quite worried expression on his soft features. As he slowly bent down to your level you noticed just how beautiful he was. You could barely process what was going on when he finally spoke.

"I-I'm very sorry to bother you but I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

For whatever reason you suddenly didn't know how to speak words. All you could focus on was how soft he spoke and how handsome he was. When you saw his worried expression grow you finally answered

"Ah...yes i'm okay. It's just been a tough few weeks."

After hearing you finally speak his features began to soften.

"Do you mind if I sit here with you for awhile? The view looks the prettiest from this spot but if that makes you uncomfortable, I will leave you alone right away."

"No, that's okay. I don't mind at all." you managed to get out. Something about him made you feel at ease and you couldn't seem to stop looking at him. He seemed to notice and smiled softly at you. That's when your heart fell into the bottom of your stomach. His smile. Dimples so prominent and his eyes smiled along with the curve of his lips. The sunset truly had nothing on his smile.

"What's your name?" he said still smiling at you.

"My name is Y/n."

"Ah, what a cute name. I like it. It fits you well! My name is San." he replied shyly.

"I apologize again if I'm bothering you but you just... I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I usually don't just walk up on strangers, I promise."

"You're not bothering me, I just wasn't expecting it. Thank you for checking in on me and I-I like your name too." you smiled softly but mentally cursed yourself for stuttering. He seemed relieved that he wasn't intruding and turned to look at the sky for a moment and then he looked back at you.

"I also apologize for my english. I'm not fluent but I've been practicing everyday." he said hesitantly. You hadn't really noticed because he spoke so well but he did have a tiny accent you were unfamiliar with and you thought it was cute.

"You sound really good though! Where are you from, if you don't mind me asking?" You wanted to know more about him but didn't want to seem too eager.

"I'm from South Korea. I'm here with my group members for a week to train. Today we managed to finish a bit early so I thought I would explore around a bit."

"Group members? Are you guys dancers?"

You were really interested to learn more about San. He was making you feel something you couldn't quite understand yet.

"You could say that." he smiled cutely and you felt your heart do that thing again. His expression quickly changed to a more concerned one and he seemed to think carefully before he spoke.

"Y/n...I was wondering if I could learn more about you or maybe just listen. If you need to talk. I thought you were crying earlier and I didn't want you to feel like you were alone. Even though I'm a stranger I'd like to make you feel better if I can."

"I'd like that. You can ask me anything" you said smiling warmly at him letting him know you really meant it.

"Hmmm, tell me your favorite f-" he began but was cut off by his phone going off. He looked at his screen, seeming a bit disappointed before looking back at you.

"My members need me to head back for dinner soon." he sighed and you could tell he didn't want to leave.

"That's okay. I should probably head home before it gets too late."

"Should I walk with you? It's getting dark and you shouldn't be walking alone this late." he said worryingly.

"No that's okay! I was actually going to take a cab just to be safe." you smiled at him.

"Okay then I'll wait with you until they get here." You nodded and for the next ten minutes you two walked around as he tried to get to know you. You told him how you wanted to be a choreographer in the future and how you loved to paint and draw. He listened to you so intently never looking away and smiling at how you spoke with so much passion about the things you wanted to do. You were just finishing telling him some of your favorite foods when your cab arrived. As he walked you over, you began to feel a little worried. Talking to San made you feel light and at ease. He was genuinely interested in what you were telling him and every time he smiled at you, you thought you might melt. Is it normal to feel this way towards someone you just met? What if you never see him again? He seemed to notice that you were thinking about something and softly called out to you.

"Hey," he said as his eyes carefully studied your face "I was wondering if...if I could maybe give you my number? I won't be here much longer but I'd like to spend more time with you before I go." He was being so shy. It was fucking adorable.

You smiled and gave him your phone so he could type in his number. Before he gave it back to you he lifted it in front of his face and took the cutest selfie and you thought you might stop breathing right then and there.

"Will you text me when you get home so I know you're safe?" he smiled as he handed your phone back to you.

"Of course I will. Thank you for listening to me. I don't talk about myself much so I hope it wasn't too..." before you could even finish he gently grabbed your hand.

"Seriously Y/n, I could listen to you talk for hours. I'm glad I had the courage to speak with you and see you smile. You looked so sad earlier and I just felt like I needed to listen to you." You could barely remember how to breathe. His hand felt so soft and warm and he looked so genuine. He meant what he was saying to you and you couldn't help but smile.

He opened the cab door for you and didn't let go of your hand until you were fully inside. "Don't forget to message me when you get home safely." he smiled. Why was his smile so bright?

"I won't forget, I promise" you assured him as the driver started the car. It was time to go but you didn't want to. You were just looking at each other for a moment before he softly said goodbye to you and closed the door.

As promised once you got inside your apartment and let out a breath you didn't know you were holding, you pulled out your phone and searched for his contact. He put his name in your phone as 'San☀️' and you thought he couldn't get and cuter until you saw the selfie he had taken for his contact picture. It was a good thing he couldn't see your face because you were positive you were smiling dumbly and your cheeks were burning.

"Hey San :) it's Y/n. I'm home safely! I hope you got home okay as well."

Not even a minute later and your phone buzzed making you jump a little.

"I'm so happy you got home okay. I did as well, don't worry :)Thank you for today. Please get some rest and I'll message you tomorrow okay? I'm glad I met you, Y/n. You have a beautiful smile. Sweet dreams."