#i've put my heart and soul into that angst and love every minute of it

[yolowritter]

Yeah this pretty much my fic. I...I said there was *a* happy ending! Didn't say who was gonna get it!

[manicpixiefelix]

head, heart, hand. {Felix Catton/Reader/Oliver Quick}

Part 20.

Summary: The evening of the Arts Collective dinner somehow gets even worse for you as Farleigh gives you some unfortunate news about Oliver and Venetia and their moonlight exploits. The worst part is having to figure out a way to break the news to Felix.

{ masterpost }

Need to Know: They/Them. Explicitly NB Reader. FWB!Reader/Felix. Reader is from a well off family but has pretty much been adopted by the Cattons.

Warnings: angst, mentions of childhood/ongoing parental neglect.

A/N: 3729 words. I finally cracked it!! Figured out the ending!! Sorry for the delay I was busy writing 20k about Jacob Elordi being hot and mean which I will never publish (Euphoria, a show I STILL have not watched beyond like 20 minutes of clips on YouTube lol). Anyways I've missed you and these characters and hopefully 21 won't be too far away xx (also I started my new job so that's been exciting but also Ooft ouch my bones hurt)

TAGLIST IN COMMENTS!! // TAGLIST ALWAYS OPEN ! (just message or comment to be added)

----

For a day that was already pretty damn shit, Oliver's cruelty was like salt in the wound. Hand still on the doorknob after you close it, you listen to him retreating over the ringing in your ears. If you let go, you'll see your hands shake, so you're frozen, heart in your throat, the house growing quiet around you. It's familiar, but unwelcome in this moment.

Tears well in your eyes as you sit back at the desk, computer humming pleasantly, bathing you in a cool glow. Part of you was desperate to run after him, to oblige him, to reveal every inch of your past and soul to him, hoping he was true to his word. That he could actually care about you in a way that very few have ever bothered to. That he could love you the way Felix did.

I don't know you.

An even stronger part of you wanted to run right across the hall, to bury yourself beneath the covers of your bed, safe and waiting for Felix. Surely he'd be back soon, if Oliver's return indicated anything. You hadn't heard him return, but it wouldn't be long. But how were you meant to look at him, lie next to him, even touch him, after all of that. It had been easy to bite your tongue on your disappointment so far, knowing that like so many others, Oliver's love for you thus far had been merely as a proxy for Felix himself. You knew Felix was vaguely aware that that was how others sometimes viewed you, but you'd always been eager to assure him that as long as he genuinely cared about you, and the others were good to you, you'd be more than happy.

And that used to be true. But none of the others were Oliver. Felix knew you loved the boy just as genuinely as he was coming to, you could never tell him that your affections were not as genuinely returned.

Your pride held you hostage in this room on both accounts.

When you finally raise your head from your hands, scrubbing unspilled tears from your eyes, you try and focus yourself once more on rereading the email that had already put you in a foul mood before Oliver had made it worse. It had taken all afternoon to detach yourself from it's contents, especially knowing your mother was waltzing about the grounds, spoiling your sanctuary.

The details of an official nondisclosure agreement, sent from your parents' team of lawyers. The paperwork was to arrive in the next few days, but you were being warned ahead of time. Before Oliver had interrupted, you were finally getting to the point of finding it all funny, that they were that insistent on cutting social ties with you that they'd go to almost any lengths that remained discrete, and out of the general public's reach. Now it just... ached.

Felix's heavy footsteps echo through the long gallery outside your study door, but he heads straight into bed. You wonder if it's even worth it to head to bed that night, you can't see yourself getting much sleep.

Now mostly, tragically, sober after you'd spent the afternoon trying to get out of your mind to cope with the day, you wonder if a drink would help put you to sleep, put an end to this abysmal day you'd endured. Which is how Farleigh finds you in the Blue Room, frowning at the bottle of liquor you'd left in the broken piano.

"You're up late," you mused flatly, still trying to decide if it was worth it to drink until you pass out in your study, "how was the -"

"We need to talk," Farleigh's tone is even more irate than you'd expected. Neither he nor the Catton siblings were ever in a particularly bright mood after being forced into any kind of proximity with your mother, and you were always touched by their loyalty, but this was something else.

You lower the piano lid, leaving the liquor for the time being. Turning to look at Farleigh, it's almost shocking to see how dark the look in his eyes was.

"What... happened?" You asked slowly. Farleigh's gaze flicks to the door behind you, to the long gallery and to the entrance to both yours and Oliver's bedrooms. Prying eyes, listening ears, though you were almost certain you'd heard Oliver leave not too long ago. A muscle in Farleigh's jaw twitches, and you instead offer your study for some privacy.

"You're not going to like it," is the first thing Farleigh tells you once the study door is closed. He sounds furious. Turning off your computer monitor, you choose to sit yourself on the sofa by the window, looking at him expectantly.

"This day's been a fucking nightmare already, I'm sure I can handle it," you rolled your eyes. Farleigh, however, chooses to sit at your desk, sideways on the chair, rather than joining you.

"You told Oliver not to fuck around with Venetia, didn't you?" It's unsettling to see Farleigh so serious. Still, his words have something twisting in your gut, even as you tried to play it off.

"Of course I did."

"Then tell me why I saw them practically eating each other on the front fucking lawn."

It's like you can feel the moment your blood turns to ice in your veins.

"This isn't funny," your lip curls, but Farleigh's severity remains, "this is a sick fucking joke, Farleigh, and a shitty thing to try and pull today of all goddamn days," your voice is rising, but he lets your fury build, uninterrupted.

"It would be an awful joke," he agreed, "if I was joking." All of the hopelessness that had plagued you since Oliver had left began to crystalise, calcifying into rage as his words settled in, "I don't care about Oliver," Farleigh's gaze shifted for a moment, still tense and furious, but there was something very nearly apologetic in his next words, "but unfortunately for me and for you right now, I care about you and Felix."

"Felix." Oh God. This couldn't be happening again. You'd told Oliver; you'd warned him. The fucking nerve!

"Yeah," Farleigh mutters quietly, "and you're going to be the one to tell him." When you try and protest, you're met with a sharp glare, and a stern reminder of how this exact situation had been reversed only twelve months ago over Eddie, "I'm not doing that again," Farleigh warned, "you owe me."

"Fine," you spit, "fuck, I'll tell him," hands shaking, you light up a cigarette. Farleigh stands, but hovers by your desk for a moment.

"He really knows how to pick them," He muses flatly.

"Shocking taste in men," scowling our of the window, your agreement is nonetheless irate, "fucking unbelievable," you hissed under your breath, "and he thinks there's something wrong with me?"

"There is," Farleigh's words surprise you, stinging a little, all things considered, "you fell for that stupid, little boy too," he reminds with a particularly vicious look.

"So it's my fault I have to break Felix's heart?"

"I'm saying that you've given me a lot of attitude for not liking him, but Oliver wouldn't even be here without both of you."

"Get the fuck out of my study, Farleigh," you order, pointing at the door, cigarette in hand and fury in your eyes.

The anger bubbling in your gut is beginning to burn. A thousand things are racing through your mind; top of the list is wondering just how quickly you make sure he's never welcomed back at Oxford. All you'd need was your computer and an hour to ruin Oliver Quick's entire life; you'd done it before. But if you turned that monitor on, if you had to once again look at that fucking email from your family - not even your family, their lawyers! - you think you might throw up. Tomorrow, with a clear head, you'd make your move.

And you'd tell Felix. No need to wake him now, give him a few hours to still live in the fantasy where the boy he was falling in love with wasn't once again going after his sister. Fuck- Venetia.

The more you thought about it all the more frenzied your outrage became. She wasn't innocent in this either, she never was. Venetia Catton was more than adept at finding both yours and her brother's exact pressure points and pressing with vehemence. So desperate to be loved yet so unable to come across as anything but insatiable, she'd always taken what she could get. You were good, but clearly you weren't enough to distract her from new, shiny Oliver.

The taste of smoke sticks to your teeth, as does your sour contemplation on how little the people you tried to love respected you. Or Felix. Christ, how were you meant to tell Felix?

Except you can't even really begin to contemplate how you'll break the news when you hear footsteps across the gallery.

Felix doesn't even knock - not that he ever has - before he lets himself in. You thought you'd have more time; the anger still burns white-hot inside of you, but despair and guilt flickers at the edges. He looks about as rough as you feel, concern and ebbing irritation in his expression. Of course, he'd spent the evening in the presence of your mother; none of the others ever felt nearly as much ire in her presence as he did.

Without a word, he strides across the room, all but pouting, and throws himself onto the sofa beside you. Drawing his legs up onto the sofa, he makes himself as small as possible - quite a task considering his size compared to the small, squashy sofa - and leans against you, head on your shoulder.

"Hate that woman," he hisses under his breath. You know he means your mother, but your mind is on his deceitful sister. All you can think about is Venetia and Oliver, but you can't very well tell Felix now. You don't have the words to not make everything so much worse if you tried. Already you'd decided to tell him in the morning, but right now you had to keep him from figuring out what was bothering you. Or that you were bothered at all.

So you decide to take a leaf out of Felix's own book, keep him happy and distracted in the way you knew best.

"Bad night?" Your voice is low as you move your arm back, fingers carding through his hair. The way Felix hums is still dark, but he shifts closer to you. After another moment of quiet, he huffs an irate breath out through his nose and begins to pluck at the hem of your shorts.

"Can I maim your mum the next time I see her?"

"She's not worth going to jail over," you tell him, leg shifting into his touch. Felix's hand stops fussing with your shorts to grip your thigh.

"You are," he huffs resolutely, and even despite your own anger you smile.

"My knight in shining armour," you laugh softly, lips against his forehead, "but do you really want to be so far away?" Leaning back against him, your hand moves from his hair to graze your nails down his bare arm, hoping he takes the hint. Thankfully, he does. The warm grip on your thigh tightens, and when he turns to look at you, there's something hungry in his eyes, "she's not worth your time, Fi," it comes out almost as a snarl, a truth you believe even in the depths of your own, otherwise mostly unrelated anger, but you turn your tone teasing, smirking at him, "I just choose to think about how I was apparently on your mind all night."

"I'm always thinking about you," he almost sounds a little breathless as he says it, managing to sit up more properly without moving away. You let your gaze flick to his lips before going back to look him in the eyes. Tongue darting out to wet your lips, you tilt your head very slightly, beginning to smile.

"And what are you think about me now?"

You'd always quietly loved whenever Felix was feeling possessive, and now moreso than ever. It made distracting him easy and fun, and Felix himself, his hands as he pulled you over to straddle his lap, to hold you close, to cradle your face as he kissed you so furiously, it was almost enough to distract you too. In all honesty, it was the only good thing to have happened all day, though even this was coloured by guilt, knowing what you still had to tell him when you found the right words.

However suddenly, Felix pulls back wearing a frown. For a few moments you find yourself catching your breath, confused, arms still around his neck.

"Something's wrong," it's not a question.

"Nothing's wrong," you lie, and hope it's more convincing them his usually are, "nothing at all," you hum, and move back in to press kisses to his jaw, hoping it's enough of a distraction to trail those kisses down his neck.

"You're angry about something," damn it. Of course Felix knows you too well.

"Am I?" You want to keep the ruse up for as long as you can manage, "and what would that be?" You murmured before you're sucking a beautiful, bruising hickey against his neck.

"I don't -" but his breath catches, grip on you tightening. It almost works; he swears faintly under his breath, losing himself in the moment and leaning into you, but then he actually seems to shake himself out of it, "come off it," he sighs, and you sit up, trying your best to appear both confused, and still in the mood, "if I'm not allowed to do this, neither are you." He says pointedly. Even though you're fighting a losing battle, you still lean in, still try and distract him with your mouth on his.

"Do what?" You murmur, nose to nose as you peck him quickly, desperately trying to keep your tone light and teasing. But you can see it in his eyes before he even says it; he knows exactly what you're doing.

"Distracting me because you know how fucking hot I think you are."

"And if I was," you murmured, pressing yourself against him, "why would that be such a bad thing?"

"Because you're being evasive," Felix pushed you back, held you at arm's length as your expression began to drop, fury beginning to creep back in as you remembered what exactly it is you didn't want to tell him, "you're not evasive with me;" he insists, "everyone else, sure, but this - whatever this is - is.. it's- it feels weird. This isn't you!"

"What am I then, Felix?"

"Mine!" He answered far too quickly, frustration sling out of him, but appears to catch himself, correcting to, "my best mate, alright? You don't not tell me things."

"So if there is something I'm not telling you, can you not trust that I might have a reason?" Finally your anger bursts from you, furious in the evening light. Felix has gone quiet, shocked; it's been a long time since you'd yelled at him like this. He looks wounded, apologetic, something you're not used to. Climbing off of him, you stand, you have to give yourself some distance from him, "there's a lot I don't tell you, Fi," you sighed, expression pinching as you tried to force yourself to calm down.

"You can tell me anything," Felix's voice has softened, leaning forward on the sofa. It aches to look at him, to see him so beautiful and vulnerable in these moments, "you know that."

"I know," you agreed, "it's not that I can't tell you, it's that I don't want to," you pressed the heels of your palms to your eyes, groaning; you can't look him in the eyes, can't even look at him right now, "and I will, that's the thing; I'm going to tell you, you're right, I always do, I just -" in a moment of weakness, your voice comes out almost sounding pitiful, defeated and frustrated, "I thought I had more time."

"What's wrong?" Felix asks softly. When you laugh, there's no humour in it. The more the reality of your situation sinks in, the more the fight leaves you.

"It's going to make you angry, or upset, or probably both," you sound rather helpless when you say it, but it seems like you no longer have a choice in when you get to tell him.

"Is it your mum?"

"I wish it was my mum," you shook your head, finally moving your hands to shake them out as you stepped back, leaning back against your desk with defeat. With every moment that passes you can feel Felix's gaze upon you, burning into you. When you are upset, he will never relent until he finds the source; usually it would be a gift, make you feel wanted and special and like you actually mattered for once. But this knowledge feels like a curse.

"We could run away," it's a last resort, barely more than a mutter as you look at your hands.

"What?"

"Just us," you continue, fidgeting, unable to look at Felix and the concern you knew you'd see in his eyes, "I could get us a little apartment in some artsy, London suburb," it's not going to work, not going to distract him, to keep him from prying the information from you that you know will hurt him, but it's all you have left, "you know nan would help us out, she'd kill for me. We could do whatever we wanted, never have to work a day in our lives. We could be whoever we wanted, wouldn't have to live in a house where they'd rather we die of heat stroke than ruin the wood panelling with an air conditioner," all you can think about is how you fell for a boy who didn't love you the way you hoped he would, and turned out couldn't even really respect you, "never have to go back to Oxford."

"What happened?" Standing, Felix crosses the short distance to your desk. There's so much sweetness in his voice as he sits in the desk chair beside you, looking up at you with his damn perfect brown eyes.

"I can't let this happen again, Fi," you hadn't even realised you were close to tears until it becomes harder to speak, "I tried, I fucking tried, I told him -"

"Who?"

"Ollie," you sniffled, face growing hot as you couldn't stop your tears from beginning to fall, "I warned him not to go near Venetia- I just- I can't believe she'd do this again, that Ollie couldn't respect when I ask him this one thing -"

"Ollie and Venetia?" There's an unsettling, blank quality to Felix's voice. The look in his eyes is far away and ice cold.

"Apparently hooking up on the front lawn," you clarified, voice weak, trying to wipe the tears from your eyes, derision edging it's way back into your voice as some of the anger returns, "for God, and Farleigh to bare witness," you took in a deep, shaking breath, attempting to pull yourself together, "I tried, Fi -"

"Fucking unbelievable," Felix snarls furiously, getting to his feet, "both of them- fuck, was Farleigh sure? He wasn't making some sick joke?"

"Even Farleigh wouldn't fuck with us like that," you muttered darkly, before adding, quiet, sounding actually pained with frustration, "I've been nothing but good to them, Fi, I thought -"

"You are never touching my sister again," Felix cuts you off firmly, voice forcibly calm. Surprised both by his tone and his words, you look up; he's so much closer than you'd realised The look in your best friend's eyes almost overwhelms you; protective, possessive, "I'm not watching her treat you like that anymore," he braces himself against the desk either side of you, crowding you against it.

"Fi," your barely manage a whisper, heartbeat racing in your chest, "I..." for just a moment he looks almost pained, and he hangs his head, faint, humourless laugh escaping him.

"I have to watch you fuck around with people who would barely give you the time of day; you're so fucking good it kills me sometimes," he bites out; you can't tell him that you know they're just using you, that so many people simply entertain the idea of you as a way to stay in Felix's life. Even if he'd never admit it, Felix knows. There's very little in his life that he's ever felt the need to reflect on, and even less that he feels any particular guilt about. You used to think he was fine with this arrangement, that he knew you could find the fun in these one-sided dynamics, "they're fucking using you," he grits out, but you're surprised by the way his fury almost sounds like despair, "I watch them and they're fucking using you like you're not even a person, Y/N."

Felix looks up; the looks in his eyes is more serious than you think you've ever seen from him. Deliberately, firmly, he takes your face in his hands.

"You're not my shadow, you know that, right?"

For a very long moment, you think you feel your heartbeat stop in your chest. On the surface it's a completely ridiculous question, except...

Feeling your face grow hot, you know he can see you tearing up; Felix has always known you better than anyone, always known exactly what you seem to need to hear. Nodding weakly, caught, pinned by his intense gaze, his focus on you, your lip trembles. Already fraught with emotions from the day, and the evening that had just passed, you have no fucking idea what to say. Felix has never spoken this out loud, never let himself properly wrestle with the subtext that coloured so much of your dynamic; it flickers across his face, the surprise and guilt and realisation as it hits him what he'd just said.

You are so much more to him than anyone else will ever give you credit for.

You are not his shadow, but you are unequivocally his.

So you kiss him.

[yikesmary]

i just can't forget about bets shua singing 2 minus 1 in his entire soul like he's been on divorce, failed relationship, heartbreak, and fighting for his child's custody like i badly want a fic about ittt vv bro still in love with yn tho (I've been searching for a perfect writer who may be the best on writing these kind of fics and I thought about uuuu)

CLOCKWORK — joshua hong x reader

summary: where it wasn’t supposed to be like this. but it did.

notes: anon why’d you have to make a request so enticing to write ;-;. this was so sad for me to write IM CRYING. also please give feedback?? this is the first time in awhile i’ve written angst so i might be a little rusty.

anon i’m sorry if i interpreted the request wrong but i hope i did it correctly 🤞

warnings: ANGST. there’s no comfort, only angst. everyone loses in this. mentions of your child, but he doesn’t make an appearance.

join my taglist!

You knew that you had to divorce Joshua the minute when you looked at him and all you felt was emptiness. Unlike the utter love and devotion you felt for him in the beginning of your relationship, you felt… nothing.

It started with the mini arguments that ended in both of you guys apologizing. Then it escalated; fights that would last for a couple of days to full on screaming matches where you’d both yell until neither of you had the energy or voice to anymore.

Looking back, neither of you were at fault. You two just happened to be not compatible with each other.

But that didn’t mean you stopped trying. Because you tried.

It just didn’t work.

And even with a child, a precious little boy named Siwoo, it seemed like nothing could work.

And you realized this in the midst of a fight with Joshua that made him leave in the middle of it and the slamming of the door awoke your son, who was around a year old at the time, who then started to cry his heart out.

So you filed for a divorce.

It’d been a year since the divorce.

The process hadn’t been easy for you, at first. When you brought up the idea of divorce, Joshua immediately shut it down and used every excuse in existence.

But he must’ve seen how much the fighting drained you, because once he saw your sad eyes which only lit up in the presence of yours and his’ son, he agreed to the divorce.

The divorce was amicable, for the most part. You guys decided that going to court to settle everything was too much, so you guys talked it out. It was probably the longest the two of you have gone without fighting each other, which was depressing when you thought back on it.

But, in the end, you and Joshua settled on everything. For now, you would have Siwoo live with you in the house you guys had purchased while married since he was so young and maybe if he was older, he’d go back and forth with living between the both of you.

You had brought up the idea of selling the house and splitting the money, but Joshua insisted that you keep it.

“It’s your dream house. I don’t want you to have to throw it away because of me,”

So, now, you lived in a house made for 4 people with only you and Siwoo living together. Joshua visits when he can and sometimes he even sleeps over to spend time with Siwoo.

Life was okay.

“Joshua, what are you doing here?”

“I didn’t know where else to go,”

It was evident he was drunk. His shirt was disheveled, his shoes in one hand while a bottle that contained who-knows-what in his other. He could barely keep his eyes open and he was swaying so hard you feared he could topple over any minute.

You ushered him in the house, concerned that your neighbors will start talking and the last thing you needed was nosy neighbors.

“Where’s Siwoo?” Joshua slurred, putting down his bottle of alcohol on a nearby table, and sitting on the couch that you decided to keep, along with everything else in the house because it was too painful to throw away, even if it caused you pain at the same time.

“He’s at my parents. He wanted to spend time with his grandparents,” you informed him.

He nodded then stayed silent.

“Look, Joshua, I don’t know what you’re doing here—“

“It wasn’t supposed to end like this.”

“What?” you asked, not understanding what he was saying.

“This. Us. We were supposed to be happy and Siwoo was supposed to have a sibling,”

“You should go—“

“I went on a date today,” he suddenly said, cutting you off.

You stiffened at the news, but didn’t say anything. It seemed like Joshua wasn’t waiting for a response because he said, “The guys said I needed to move on. The divorce was done and I was finally single. So I let Seungkwan arrange a date for me with this girl from his workplace,”

“I don’t think I should hear this—“

“I couldn’t focus on the date. Ask me why.” Joshua said, his statement not leaving room for arguments.

You sighed and asked, “Why couldn’t you focus?”

“Because she wasn’t you,” he softly said, his slightly glassy eyes looking at you.

You took a deep breath, not expecting that answer.

“Joshua, you’re drunk. Maybe you should sleep it off,” was all you said, before turning to leave.

Before you could exit the living room and go to your room, Joshua called your name.

You turned and he said, “For what it’s worth, I really am sorry,”

You turned away, not wanting to risk him seeing how you started to tear up.

“I’m sorry, too,”

And with that, you went to your room and cried yourself to sleep.

Joshua, in the living room, felt so close yet so far from you, also crying himself to sleep.

But the next day, the both of you would pretend that nothing happened.

Like clockwork.

taglist (crossed out means that tumblr didn’t let me tag you): @belladaises @smileyneos @winterpaos @wonhuiful @minhui896 @baekhyunmochibbh @x-alightinthedark @whywontyousetfree @minghaossv

[justathoughtfulangel]

Nothing But The Truth ~ Kai Parker One Shot

*not my gif

Pairing: siphon!Kai X witch!Saltzman!Reader

Word Count: 3,388

Requested?: Yes

This is a sequel to "I'd Rather You Lie." I've done my best to make sure this piece is readable as a one shot, but if you'd like to read the prequel, please read it here.

This IS a reader insert fic; I just don’t like writing with Y/N in the place of names. Use Rosalie/Rosie/Rose as a placeholder for Y/N :)

Description: Kai betrayed her trust, used her for his own selfish means. Now, he can't bear the pain and hurt he's caused her. Malachai understands now that he loves her, but is love enough to mend a broken heart?

Warnings: angst/heartbreak and minor mature language

The story begins after the break! I hope you enjoy reading it :)

“I’d rather you lie.” 

It was easier for Rosalie when he lied. It had been easier to believe it was real. Now, she’d heard the lies so often she couldn’t possibly know what was true anymore. Kai’s ramblings came to a halt. Rose’s smile was more akin to a grimace. There were no tears in her eyes; there was nothing in her eyes as if there was no soul behind them.

Malachai had hurt many people in his life. He’d murdered his siblings, and he’d spent years torturing himself. Somehow, this emptiness in her was worse than all the damage he’d done combined. “Rosalie…” She just shook her head, walking passed him. There was still no emotion on her face as she hugged her winter jacket around her body. Kai watched her walk away, feeling the snow settle in his hair. The cold did not compare to all the pain that consumed him. 

He tried to take a shaky breath. With a choked gasp and unbearable pain in his heart, Malachai watched her until she became a speck of dust in the distance. The worst part of it all? She didn’t turn to look back at him once.

~

Was it his fault for breaking her heart, or was it hers for allowing him to hold it in the first place? Her brain and heart grappled over this question every night, making it impossible to sleep. Thanks to Kai, she couldn’t return to the life she’d once loved. There was nothing left inside her that would allow her to love. 

It wasn’t as if Rose was a stranger to pain. She’d been abandoned by people before. The people who brought her into the world had died. The ones who adopted her into their home as a child saw her as only a paycheck. Even Alaric was dead for a few years before miraculously coming alive again. None of those heartaches had destroyed her in the same way Malachai had.

Perhaps it was because it was her first time truly being in love. She couldn’t feel anything anymore, not even anger. Though her mind and heart disagreed on whose fault it was, they both knew feeling the agony of that betrayal would consume her.

For now, all she could do was continue existing in an endless cycle – school, work, Dad, friends, eat, sleep, repeat. ~

A new semester was starting after winter break, and Rosalie considered it a fresh start. She would put herself out there again; she’d try to come back to life. Rose was sitting in a large lecture hall, waiting for the professor of her creative writing course to arrive. She twirled her stylus around her fingers, making random doodles on her iPad. Someone sat down a few seats away from her, but she paid them no mind. 

The hall continued to fill, and Professor Smith arrived ten minutes late. She was fun, and her quippy nature made up for the tardiness. Listening to a professor review a syllabus wasn’t boring for once. Rosalie was paying close attention, jotting down miscellaneous notes about due dates and assignment details. 

“Your final paper, worth 30% of your grade, will be a writing piece: eight to ten pages long with attention to all topics and techniques we’ll review throughout the semester. Students who do best on this assignment never fail to present their learnings in a unique, refreshing way. Nothing should limit your imagination. Isn’t that right, boy who can’t stop staring at the girl in his row?”  Rose was looking at the professor when she singled out the student not listening. As did the other students, she, too, looked around to see who the professor was scolding. Her grip slackened on her stylus as she heard his voice a few feet away. She would know that voice anywhere. “Y-yes, Professor. I’m sorry.” The professor nodded and continued. Malachai stole one more glance in her direction when the professor’s back was turned, and his eyes met Rosalie’s after weeks of not seeing each other.

~

Before he could talk to her, Rose rushed out of the lecture hall. Was he stalking her now? Swallowing away the bitter taste in her mouth, Rosalie instinctively made her way to her dad’s office. Glancing at the time, she knew Alaric was giving a lecture. Unlocking the door with magic and locking it behind her, Rose collapsed onto the couch. Her head fell into her hands, and her foot tapped against the ground anxiously. 

Rosalie hadn’t yet asked her dad for Kai’s true story. She didn’t want to know it anymore; she told herself she didn’t care about him and whatever was causing him pain. Whether she would admit it or not, Rosalie was lying to herself, just as Kai had lied to her for weeks. 

She stayed in the same spot for hours, finally looking up when she heard the door unlock. Alaric smiled at his daughter, unsurprised to find her here. This was a first-day-of-the-semester tradition for them – tea in his office and unpacking what happened in their new classes. Ric turned on the hot water kettle, pulling out mugs and tea for them. He only noted her troubles when she greeted him without energy, and his smile faded quickly. “Rosalie? What’s the matter?” 

Rose sighed deeply, not knowing where to start. “I need you to tell me everything about Kai, Dad. Please.” The turmoil had been suppressed long enough; she bit the bullet and watched Ric’s expression twitch. He didn’t say anything for a few minutes. Hot water and honey were poured into their mugs. Rose kicked her shoes off, curled her legs under her, and claimed the steaming cup of tea. The silence was broken only when Alaric sat beside her on the couch.

He was torn about how much he should involve her but hiding the truth from Rose allowed Kai to hurt her. Ric wouldn’t hide things from her anymore. “Malachai is Josette’s twin brother.” A confused expression came over Rose’s face immediately. “Jo is in her early 40s. How is that possible?” To his credit, Alaric told her everything without biased embellishments, telling her the story exactly as Jo told him. 

Of course, even he didn’t know the story from Malachai’s perspective. 

He told her about how Kai was meant to merge with Jo and become the leader of the Gemini coven, how he was never worthy of the position. When he found out the thing he lusted after for twenty-two years would never be his, Kai snapped, murdering four of his little siblings in cold blood. Kai stuck a hunting knife into Josette and took out her spleen. Ultimately, he was after Lucas and Olivia. The Coven locked him up in a prison world, and he escaped when Bonnie and Damon ended up there after the Other Side collapsed.

Rosalie listened to everything, finding it impossible to believe that the guy she knew – the guy she thought she knew – was capable of all of this. Even as she left her dad’s office, Rose repeated the story in her mind. There had to be more to this story. No one was born evil. Something must have happened to Kai - something so horrible and cruel that his only choice was to protect himself this way. 

Alaric had heard the story from Jo, but he hadn’t seen the tears Kai shed when no one was around to see them. Whatever caused him to snap tormented him even now, and no one should live that way. Despite this, Rosalie didn’t have it in her to forgive him. Maybe it was selfish, but he’d used someone who trusted him for reasons she could barely justify. 

The door to her apartment closed behind her. Trying to push the thoughts away, Rose walked over to her fridge. She pulled it open, and the wave of cool air sent her mind reeling back…

Even on the drive back to Mystic Falls, her thoughts were consumed with Kai. He’d kissed her, and then he disappeared. What kind of decent person does that? Rosalie had begun to think that maybe she didn’t know Malachai at all. Her thoughts would be proven right a few minutes later.  When Rose entered the Salvatore House, she heard the flames of the fireplace crackling and voices coming from the living room. “How do you know my daughter?” Her dad was threatening someone, holding them by their neck as he tilted the chair towards the fireplace. Damon forced him away, trying to calm Alaric down. “Easy, Papa Bear. Kai’s going to cooperate. Talk. Now.”  Kai? Her Kai? No… “Didn’t you know? I’ve been dating her for a while. Here I thought she told you everything, Alaric. Of course, she thinks it’s real, which is sweet, really. At least someone among us has a heart.”  Kai kept on talking, but she heard none of it. It was as if her senses had been disconnected from her brain. “She’s just so welcoming… it was so easy to step into her life. I could get into all of yours and take what I’ve always wanted. But you really didn’t need to torture me to get that out of me, did you? I think I’m an excellent communicator.”  Damon and her dad had already seen Rose standing there, and when Damon forced Kai’s chair around, she registered the briefest flicker of remorse in his eyes. She didn’t have it in her to care, not right now. All she did was turn around and leave. The air outside felt so much colder than she could bear. It bit her cheeks as tears filled her eyes. Rosalie refused to let them fall. She would not cry over someone who was using her.

The tears that had refused to spill all those months ago came bubbling to the surface. Her knees buckled below her, and her hands rushed to cover her mouth as a pained scream came out. All the agony at his betrayal created burning trails on her cheeks, and as she curled up on the ground, her shoulders shook with each sob. 

Rosalie finally let herself admit that she had loved Malachai: she probably still did. She’d put her heart into someone’s hands for the first time and this was what she earned in return. Nothing in her life felt fair. How many more people would hurt her before she could finally be free? 

The anguish she’d failed to acknowledge and process now took over. It subsided hours later when the chill from the open fridge had coated her spine and the door beeped in protest. Rose gave it a weak push and it creaked shut. 

She’d loved him, and now she didn’t think she could love anymore.

~

Caroline smacked a piece of paper down on the table in front of Rosalie. “The annual Whitmore Bitter Ball is on Saturday, and you’re coming.” Rose picked up the flyer, smiling without amusement at the clashing black and grey letters. “Come onnnn, you’re the one that’s most bitter in love out of any of us.” 

Elena and Bonnie gave Caroline a withering stare, while Rose just shook her head. “Sorry… insensitive.” She cleared her throat, trying to dispel the awkwardness. “You should come, Rosalie. We all deserve a night out.” Elena was gently encouraging in stark contrast to Caroline. Rose didn’t know how she felt about it. “Okay, dance or no dance, at least come dress shopping with us? We need your opinions.” Truthfully, it sounded dreadful. After a long blink, Rosalie smiled and agreed. “Fine. It’ll be just like high school.” It wouldn’t be for her; it would be for her friends.

A few hours later, Rosalie was walking between aisles upon aisles of dresses. Some were gaudy and drew way too much attention. Some were too plain for a ball. Then again, maybe plain was best – something that could help her hide in the shadows as she attended the dance for the sake of her worried friends. 

Rose ultimately chose a silken, black gown. It had an attractive sweetheart neckline and golden embellishments around the waist. The skirt didn’t puff out obnoxiously, and with a golden mask to abide by the masquerade policy, it was the perfect disguise.

~

On Saturday evening, Rosalie found herself standing in the corner of the grand ballroom. People were all over the place: some drunk, some dancing, some crying, and some doing all of the above. Rose watched people move about behind her mask, twirling the straw around in her gin and soda with extra limes. She’d promised Caroline she’d stay out for an hour, and thankfully, the hour was almost up. 

Downing her drink, Rosalie walked across the dance floor. She had managed to artfully avoid the masses until she reached the bar. The glass clinked down onto the granite counter, right beside someone also attending this ball alone. He turned around slowly, setting down his own glass. They looked at each other silently for a few heavy seconds, neither saying a word. 

Malachai’s eyes shined in the dim lighting of the ballroom, swimming with numerous feelings yet glistening with the joy of seeing her. Rosalie’s expression remained passive, unreadable. She’d cried her heart out already. What was the next step in the process of healing from heartbreak? 

“I don’t know how a ball for the brokenhearted could be such a hit,” Kai said. Rose smiled without amusement, looking around at the crowd once again. “You never know, maybe lots of people have broken hearts around here.” Malachai swallowed away the knot of emotion in his throat, his eyes darting to the dance floor. “Maybe you’re right.”

He refused to meet her eyes, and it sparked something inside her. It was some convoluted mixture of rage, pain, desperation, and, most unexpectedly, a tinge of hope. “Dance with me?” She held out her hand to him in challenge. Kai’s gaze flit between her hand, the dancing couples, and the gleam in her eyes. Whatever brought it back, he’d missed it dearly. He took her hand, leading her to join the crowds. 

Rose let out a soft laugh at the song change, wondering if Caroline had something to do with the music. War of Hearts played over the speakers as Kai’s hand came to rest on her waist. Their fingers linked together, and this time, everything else fell away. 

Come to me in the night hours. I will wait for you.

Both recalled the same memories as they stepped in unison. Their awkward first interaction in the coffee shop. The first date where Kai was trying to be charming but ended up spilling soda all over his shirt. His tears when the thoughts of his past tormented him. The devastation they both felt when Rosalie found out about Malachai’s betrayal. 

“Have you been stalking me, by the way?” Kai almost smiled, his brow rising. “Would you believe me if I said I had no idea you’d be in the same section?” He twirled her around, pulling her back to him. “Honestly, I don’t know what I’m supposed to believe, Malachai.” 

She’d been the only one who could use his full first name without making him flinch. Her eyes narrowed in suspicion, and Kai sighed, resigned with himself. “I don’t know what I can say, Rose. You have every right to not trust me. Let me just ask you one thing, and then I will leave you alone.”

I can’t help but love you, even though I try not to. I can’t help but want you. I know that I’d die without you.

“Do you honestly think I didn’t break my own heart when I broke yours?” His arms wrapped around her as Kai selfishly pulled her close. If this was the last time, he needed to hold her close. The back of his hand brushed her cheek, and he memorized the feel of her soft skin. He was close enough to see the reflection of his dark, satin mask in Rosalie’s eyes. 

Rose didn’t know how to react. Her first instinct was to say no. He had sounded so convincing when he gloated to Ric and Damon about how he used her. How could that be the voice of someone with a broken heart? That same person stood in front of her now, looking at her with deeper affection and sincerity unlike anything she’d known before. 

Rosalie held the hand brushing her cheek, wrapping her own around it before stepping away from Kai. “Malachai, I can’t do this again.” Kai had let her walk away once. He wouldn’t give up without a fight this time. “Please… I promise I won’t ever hurt you. I won’t lie to you. From now on, nothing but the truth.” 

I can’t help but be wrong in the dark, ‘cause I’m overcome in this war of hearts. I can’t help but want oceans to part, ‘cause I’m overcome in this war of hearts.

With those words, Rose threw her arms around Malachai and kissed him. Maybe it was wishful thinking, or maybe it was just plain stupid. It didn’t matter. Not trusting him had been so unendurably painful; even if he played her again, it would be worth it.

Kai froze in surprise for a fraction of a second, not expecting her to give him the one thing he wanted most. He took her face in his hands, suppressing a sob of relief and joy. Malachai brought her closer, hugging her flush against his body. 

People still danced around them, oblivious to the two souls who’d found each other and would never part again.

~

The end of the semester approached, faster than anticipated. Malachai and Rosalie had spent the last months together, and true to his word, he hadn’t lied to her… until tonight.

In his lonesome years in the prison world, Kai had honed his cooking and baking skills. Tonight, after a long week of finals, they were making Kai’s chocolate chip cookies – a recipe he’d refined and mastered over twelve years. Rosalie was whipping together browned butter and sugar, and Kai was chopping chunks of dark chocolate into shards with a knife. The apartment smelled like toasted sugar, and their playful banter brought them much-needed laughter. 

“Where’d you put the vanilla extract I brought over?” Rosalie was looking in Kai’s kitchen drawers, and just as she reached one near the edge of the counter, he stepped in front of her. “Not in that one! There’s nothing in that one. Let’s move on.” Why was he in such a rush to get her away from that drawer? 

“Malachai… what are you hiding from me?” He sighed and stepped aside, remembering his promise to her. Rose didn’t take her eyes off him as she opened the drawer. Looking down, she halted in shock at the only object inside: a small black jewelry box.

Kai grabbed it before she could, putting it behind her back. She gave him a look, raising her eyebrows in question. “What are you hiding from me?” She repeated her question, her voice even more pointed, now with curiosity rather than suspicion. Adorably anxious, Kai nipped at his lower lip and tugged at his hair momentarily. 

Setting the box on the kitchen counter, Kai flipped its lid. Within it, tucked into cushioned velvet, lay matching silver rings. They were similar in style to the ones Malachai often wore, the metal bands thick and fairly plain. He removed them both, showing her the inscription inside the bands: nothing but the truth.

“This isn’t a proposal. Not yet, at least.” Kai’s nervousness didn’t help him get these words out, but when he looked up, looking into her eyes, suddenly it was much easier. “I wanted us to have something that reminds us of our journey and how far we’ve come. I want us to have these.” Before he said anything more, Kai slipped his ring onto his middle finger. Rosalie accepted his gift and put on her ring. She took his hand and laced their fingers together.  “Thank you, Kai,” Rose spoke with tenderness, holding Kai’s face. “I’ll never take it off.” Their lips met in a sweet kiss, and the smooth metal of their rings clinked together quietly. They squeezed each other’s hands lovingly, now certain neither would let go.

~~~

That's all for this piece! Thank you to the anon who requested I give them a happy ending; this story would not exist without you :)

Please feel free to send any thoughts/comments/constructive criticisms my way. I always welcome them.

If you’d like to be tagged in future Kai Parker works, feel free to message me/leave a comment here. If you liked this story, feel free to check out my other stories from my Malachai Parker Masterlist (pinned to the top of my profile).

Until next time, JustAThoughtfulAngel

Master Taglist: @socio-kai-path1972, @bluelicious, @genevivetaylor, @kolsangel, @callsign-luckyshot

[almostfoxglove]

hey there you enchantress of words and feelings

i am writing to you from the depths of a sleepless night (and extremely tired day at work with absolutely no regrets AT ALL would do it again no questions) spent rereading all of i’ll carry you and finishing the last chapter at the early hours of dawn with no one but the stark light of my humidifier to witness the tears rolling down my cheeks.

idek where to start? this was already one of my absolute favorite javi stories but now i think it might have just beat that to become the eternal javi story etched into the grooves of my brain.

i cried for her and her shattered heart that only has the strength to put itself back together for him. i cried for her and her shattered heart each time it thought it was done breaking for him. i cried for her and her shattered heart when it was finally settling (only settling because it would never beat for anyone else but him) for another soul even tho it wasn’t made to fit with another. i cried for her and her shattered heart when it saw him again and realized he would continue to shatter her every day now that he’s tangible again.

and then i read his pov (that i had put aside until this final chapter was released) and cried all over again for him and his shrinking heart that only unfurled in her presence. i cried for every time he came close to presenting his gentle heart at the pedestal of her but never actually did. i cried for all the years, days, and minutes that they were so close yet so far and not even the strongest forces could either bring them together or pull them away from the gravity of each other.

i cried because, i consider myself somewhat of a “late bloomer” - in my early twenties without much to show for romantic entanglements. not to say i haven’t loved because i have but never in a soul-shattering way. and i have cried many times for all that time that seems to have passed without my heart knowing where to put all that love it carries so easily. so reading about these two and how they find each other even after everything that has passed was almost like that weighted blanket that pulls javi under the depths of sleep. this story was that weighted blanket that gently enveloped my weary heart and slowly lulled it to sleep.

ANYWAY (jesus get a grip woman) i apologize for all this rambling. i just didn’t know where to put all these feelings that have been swimming through me all day, at work, hours after i read the last line. this story has taken up a special place in my heart and i will be revisiting as many times as i need to be enveloped by the love of these characters and lulled into a sense of security.

thank you for sharing this beautiful and soul warming piece of art with us and thank you for sharing all your scribblings with the world 🤍

i’m sure i’ll have more to say but for as of right now i’m gonna continue thinking about these two for as long as i can.

p.s. after reading the javi pov drabble i couldn’t help but wonder if you’ve thought about his pov for more situations? like when he leaves that second time (for four years) and when he pretends not to see her after the wedding dress day or any other times. i would love to keep swimming through his pov!

oh my god anon you're making me cry into my coffee rn (tears of LOVE) - I cannot believe how thoughtful and generous this is of you to write / send. speaking of enchanter of words & feelings hello?? this ask is poetry?? I am so fucking touched that you were so touched by I'll carry you - that series has been my favorite to work on so it just means so much that it's close to your heart, too.

I'm so glad that despite all it's angst (sorry to javi I swear you're my favorite pedro boy baby idk why I put you through the wringer with this one) that it's still a comfort to you?? like that's actually gonna make me full on weep to think about I'm so fucking honored <3

re: more javi pov - I am... certainly not opposed to this >:-) I've got a bunch in my writing queue that'll have to come first but I do intend to come back to these two in one shots in the future, sooooo I'm popping this in my ideas doc :,) I'm really so touched that you'd want to read more from them (sobsobsob)

thank you so much for reading & being so fucking sweet to me. I love you sm anon - I'm holding ur hand through the internet right now, ok? you're a fucking gem x

[jalinaalkenza]

How about the next part of I wanna hold you? Or just anything that would break our hearts. I'm feeling like a good cry is needed.

I'VE BEEN THINKING OF SOMETHING!!! IM GONNA MAKE A PART 2 OF "I WANNA HOLD YOU" BUT I WANNA MAKE A REAL HURTFUL AND SAD ONE.

SACRIFICE...(What if-)

Natasha Romanoff × Fem! Reader

Warning: Angst, sad, no happy ending, sacrifice, crying, break up, mental health mentioned?

Summary: Everything is too late.

(Set on -The Avengers Endgame- Year:2023)

After Natasha Romanoff sacrificed her self for the soul stone, Clint came back all alone. Y/N was there to check the Avengers for any updates.

-----FLASHBACK (BEFORE THE CHAOS)-----

You and Natasha have been dating secretly since The Avengers 2012. And no one ever knew about that since she's very sneaky and good at hiding things, and so are you.

It's hard for both of you. Cause it's not very stable and it's dangerous, she loves you and you love her. You tried to convince her that she's not a monster or any kind of a weapon and she believes you. You two shared many nights and days with each other without anyone knowing. Comforting each other and loving. but as always- Tragic and unexpected things do happened. The Avengers was doing great until-

The Winter Soldier came. Two groups were divided, team cap and team ironman. Natasha assured you that everything will be ok and the team will be ok, nothing to worry about. But she was worry cause she doesn't have a choice but to fight in the civil war. She hated it. She knows that Tony was wrong but doesn't have a choice, because of a stupid contract. You were on top of the tower watching the Avengers go against each other on the monitor. You heated it too cause it's all wrong.

After many hours pass by, you saw that The team ironman is getting inside of the jet now. And you also saw that Natasha blast Steve before going inside the jet, practically saving him and betraying Tony.

They got into the tower and when Natasha came back she straightly went to you. Hugging you and telling you everything and you helped her with her bruises and wounds, after she went to Tony's office.

They talked and basically they fought, Tony knew the betrayal that Nat did. He knew about you and the relationship between you two, she was guilty and she wants you to be safe and protected.

After that she was looking down and she faced you. Wanting to break things apart because she's scared of putting you in danger. You fought with her and cried Infront of her, she's just looking at you straight in the face with no emotions. She hated it and she just wants to hold you.

"We can go through this Natasha! We've been through a lot..." You said, crying. Your voice breaking. "Y/N- we can't. It's not safe, I love you but it's not possible for us anymore." She said and left you there all alone. You cried and cried- sleepless night, overthinking. Your angry at her. You love her.

Next day you found out that she's on a run, she left the tower and Tony was un bother, still angry and pissed at Natasha. She's gone and you were all alone.

It's all over the news that she and Steve are on the run, they're not together though. She's also alone. No where to go- that's what you thought.

Days, Weeks, Months and she came back with a blonde hair. She ignored you and focused on her mission like a heartless woman, but she seems happy. And you decided to ignore her too. It's hard because after many years together it just ended like that, you love her. She's a part of you.

Natasha's POV:

I love her. Still. Every minutes, seconds without her is a pain in my heart. I left because of the guilt inside me, I was all alone thinking about her and only her. Until I was faced into a mission, meeting Yelena, Alexei and Melina. We were all reunited all over again. But still I want Y/N besides me. We finished the mission freeing the other Widows from Dreykov. I didn't wanna go back to the avengers tower ever again but I want to see Y/N and maybe fight just to protect her. I didn't care about the world at some point, I want to protect my sister, my family, my y/n.

-----PRESENT DAY-----

Y/N's POV:

Natasha did sacrificed her self, Clint explained and Y/N was there, she was shocked. Even though many years and months past by and Natasha kept on ignoring her, she still love her. She left the room and cried at the bathroom, punching the mirror and breaking down on the floor. She cried and now she's not in her normal State anymore. Nothing is left for her, No parents. No siblings. No Natasha. And because of that she's done.

While everyone was gone she hacked the avengers lounge, the machine was there and not even thinking she started it and it worked, she spawned her self and she transported to the place of the darkness, Vormir.

She was on top of the edge where Nat fell and behind her was Red Skull, she begged that she would sacrifice her life in order for the soul stone and Natasha to comeback, intrigued Red skull saw her innocence and love, her innocence and love is worth the sacrifice for both. And it's a deal then.

She jumped of the edge and Nat woke up in an unknown place. The avengers then went back to the lounge and when Banner operate the system Natasha spawned there, Alive.

Everyone was shocked. How? What? Was the question and they watched the systematic monitor for an explanation, the CCTV and saw y/n hacking the avengers lounge and going inside the machine without any doubt.

And the war between Thanos and everyone was on. Natasha was full with anger. She was supposed to die and she wanted to change it and save Y/N but the machine broke. Before y/n used it she automatically locked it so no one would use it ever again. Natasha fought the war. Angry and because of y/n's sacrificed the stone was in purity. Tony didn't have to die. The war was quick. And with Natasha's anger she uses every strength of her body to fight.

-At y/n's funeral

Everyone left and Natasha is still there alone. It's almost midnight and the moon is very beautiful, shining and the starts were also patterning. Natasha chuckle with a tear in her eyes as she spoke.

"Why would you sacrifice yourself for me? I clearly didn't do anything. I was a coward" she said her voice cracking..... "I love you and I never stopped loving you. I sacrificed myself for you and you did the same to me but the difference is you succeeded and I failed." Her tears running down her face. "Don't worry. If something happened I'll sacrifice my self for the world and if I die, I hope that you'll be with me." She sobbed "I hope that I'll die soon...." She sobbed again and chuckle "I love you."

After that Natasha is always with you, sitting besides your grave even if your grave is empty. She then bring Yelena and introduce her to you. Every mission she's always confident because she knows that your always with her in the sun and in the moon.

______________________________________________

@natsrealgfhihi I finished a storyyyyy!!!😭♥️

A/N: REQUEST ARE OPEN!!!

[m34gs]

For the writing ask meme: 9, 12, 19, and 30!

Hi friend, thank you so much for the ask! Sorry for the late reply; my migraine was really bugging me earlier. It's eased up a little now so I am excited to answer! 💜💜💜 (ask based on this post)

9. What fic meant the most to you to write?

Honestly, I would have to say A Different Kind of Magic; my Kalim/Idia fanfic where Idia mentors Kalim and Jamil in learning to control their magic before it consumes them. I know Kalim and Idia are a rarepair, and I know that this fic kind of just seems like me running wild with my imagination and going crazy with the angst. To be fair, those things are pretty much true. But, it's also a lot more than that to me. It's a story about grieving, about learning to let go of the past without forgetting it, about how parents aren't perfect and family is a work in progress, about how trauma follows you no matter how hard you try to hide it, and about how sometimes you can't have everything you want even though it might break your heart. That's some of what I've been dealing with over the past couple of years and so when I wrote this fic, those were all the emotions and feelings at the forefront of my mind. That's why it's so heavy. That's why there's happy parts mixed in with the sad. That's why there's no damnation of characters that don't behave perfectly and there's forgiveness and love in the end. Because that's what I needed too. I didn't even realize how much I needed to write that fic until I was already in the thick of it, and then I had a moment where I went "Oh. Oh. Oh shit this is me this is mine this is what I feel right now this is me" and I almost cried over it that day. I usually do put a lot of myself into fics, but this one was just so different and so raw. I put a lot of my soul into it. I really love this fic; I'm happy with how it turned out and it was so cathartic to write. So, yeah, it would be the most important one to me. If all the others somehow ended up accidentally deleted, I would be sad but I would be ok as long as this one stayed.

12. What fic was the most difficult to write? Did you finish it?

Hmmm, for a singular fic I think the most challenging one for me this year was the gift fic Mistletoe Misunderstandings (a Twisted Wonderland fic where Yuu is the only one aware of the Mistletoe Kissing Tradition); simply because it was the first time I included at least one representative of each NRC dorm in one fic for Twisted Wonderland. Capturing so many different personalities was a challenge for me, and several of the characters were ones I hadn't really written yet, or had not written often, so I pushed myself a bit. I did complete it and it was a lot of fun to do! I was in love with the prompt for it, and I absolutely am happy with how it turned out!! Definitely feel I've grown as a writer, hehe.

19. Share your favorite opening line

"There are some things in the world that simply cannot be explained. There are others which do, in fact, have an explanation, but it is so ancient and so secretive it has been forgotten. Others have an explanation yet to be discovered. Which of those three apply to the little convenience store in True Cross? It is impossible to tell, as much as it is impossible to tell what came first: the portal to another world or the wall it shares a space with."

-from Inconvenience Store, my Blue Exorcist Bon/Rin Haunted Convenience Store AU! I'm not sure why, this opening just sticks in my brain so much. I was super proud of it when I posted the first chapter, and I'm still pretty proud of it! Still a work in progress, and I love every minute I get to work on it!! :D

30. What’s something that you want to write in 2024?

Ooooh there's so many things! Of course, I'm excited to write more of the Saw AU and the Bar AU, as always! But if we're talking about individual fics not in a series, I would have to say I'm really wanting to start posting my Vampire Idia x Human Kalim fic in 2024! I love the ideas I have for it and I am super excited to write more of Idia and Kalim as a couple. (Plus, @kamikazequail gave me inspiration for another vampire au; since when asked I couldn't decide if I liked Human Ortho or Vampire Ortho better...there shall be two AUs!! Mwahahaha). And I'm excited to see what the year will bring!

[lee--felix]

Fanfiction Work-In-Progress Guessing Game

hiii I love your work! This is my first time in your ask box!!🤭 For the game I give you...love, whisper, and kiss😚 I cant wait to read the spoilers🫣🥰

This is so sweet omg 🥺 thank you much! I've been writing for the better part of twenty years and I really pour my heart and soul into my fics. I'm so glad you like them! Welcome to my askbox anon, I hope you enjoy your stay. 🥰

"Did you seriously only order sweets?" Dongju questioned with a chuckle, pulling containers out of the bag he had just retrieved from the doorstep a few minutes ago. "You have to eat real food every once in a while, y/n, you'll make yourself sick."

You were sick, though, just not in a physical sense. Love sick was more like it. The craving for sweets was just an unintended side effect.

[12:07am] - Dongju x fem!reader - fluff, friends to lovers

"Felix?" You questioned again, barely a whisper and with an inflection that implied you were looking for consent rather than an answer. His gaze traced its way up to yours, those deep brown eyes suddenly making your knees weak. Your lips met as though they had done this hundreds of times, hands quickly moving to wrap around each other like forgotten lovers. It felt so natural, so fluid in the way you both moved that you almost forgot you weren't his to take… or were you?

Therefore I Am - Felix x fem!reader - enemies to lovers, smut, angst

"You're not on a stage." Hwanwoong's head bowed for a moment, searching for the correct words to soothe your anxiety. "You're in the office… with me. There's glitter on your face, your hair's a mess, and you've just tied a string of ornaments to my belt." Suddenly you were taken back to a long night that felt like it had only lasted a few minutes. "And you've asked me to put on your favorite playlist and dance with you because there's nobody else around." A smile crept across his face, eyes filled with adoration at the memory. "So you finally, for once, enjoy yourself without the fear of consequences. And I get to watch all that doubt wash away until you're so confident that you pull me in and almost let me kiss you… almost." He chuckled, shaking his head. "Because in that moment I think I fell in love with you."

Same Scent - Hwanwoong x fem!reader - fluff, forbidden relationship, smut (this scene is on the chopping block though, it might not end up in the final product)

Send me a word, if it’s in my wip document I’ll answer your ask with the sentence that it appears in

[mitsuyaya]

[ 21:57 PM ] hayakawa aki

☆༉ contains: spoiler for anime watchers, character death, angst, delusions, just pure angst

☆༉ end note: don't mind the errors i just want to get this out of my system, I'll edit it in the morning (hopefully)

Clouds obscure the glowing full moon, hiding the twinkling stars, masking the light with darkness, making the surrounding more gloomy and lifeless than they already were.

Your shaky, shallow breaths and the crunch of your footsteps on the leafy undergrowth are the only noises that filled the barren woods. During the daytime it was kept to the public, covered with yellow tapes that reads, ‘Do Not Cross’ — but when night comes to nigh, it's free to lurk around, it's free for your eyes to wander on. 

Each step you take, deeper into the heart of the forest and into the designated place you would always go to – your eyes caught the sight of blue ribbons tied around the trees. 

Aki – he was the one who put it there, saying that it's your landmark so you wouldn't get lost. 

He said it's because you have no sense of direction, often losing yourself at the mall or in any place you would go to. It's his way of looking out for you, he says.

Exhaustion is catching up on you, from the whole day you keep on working up to this point – your legs are already trembling, knees gradually giving up the longer you try to walk around.

No worries, it's only a matter of time til’ you see him again.

It's only a few meters, a few minutes til’ you see the person your heart constantly longs for.

Hayakawa Aki, the man who tied those blue ribbons in the tree, the man who would always lead you to the forest — he was the man your heart calls for every night, every day.

He's the man you see in your dreams and in the corner of your eyes, the owner of those blue eyes that you always find yourself drowning in.

Aki, the man your body, heart and soul always yearned for.

“Finally, I'm sorry it took me longer to arrive.” Your lips curved into a small smile, exhaustion long gone the second you arrived at your destination.

“Did I make you wait?” taking a deep breath, swallowing the lump that formed in your throat, you steal a glance at the man you fell for time and time again. 

He didn't change, he's still the same guy you saw the last time, though he's a little quieter than he was before, he's still the same guy you love.

“I've been doing well these past few days, are you proud of me?”

That's a lie.

“I gained weight and even finished my chores.”

And another.

Your head tells you to stop talking, to look at your companion and open your eyes to reality. The reality that he's dead — Aki’s dead.

But your heart tells you to hold on, keep breathing this cruel fantasy, keep fooling yourself that it's all but a dream — and the guy you love is still alive, still beside you and listening to your every word.

Your heart tells you to keep loving him, to continue loving him despite the way you lose yourself in the process. 

“I don't want this anymore Aki, what do I do?”

Talking to his grave or this made up tomb you made for him is futile. Your pleas and questions won't be answered—none of it would have a chance to be solved unless you accept the truth. 

The truth that he's not by your side anymore.

Leaning your head back, watching as the clouds disperse and let the moon glisten, a tear fell from your eyes.

“I miss you Aki, I wish you're here.”

[nessaxc]

___________________________________

Apologies || Miya Atsumu

Atsumu and you had a fight and he tires to apologize.

~ Rating: Explicit

~ Words: 2.1k

~ Tags: Fluff, Comfort, Comfort Sex, Praise Kink, Apologies Sex, Oral Sex, Angst, Cunnilingus, Vaginal Fingering

___________________________________

You were sitting in the middle of the bed, knees pulled up to your chest, your arms resting on them. Every once in a while you wiped off a teardrop from your face. Your crying has stopped now, but there were tears that steal escaped your eyes.

He never talked to you like that. He never called you things like that.

This was the worst fight you had yet. You were together for four years now, and he shouted things you never knew he had in his head since you're together.

You said pretty awful things too, things you never thought you would, since you didn't really mean them.

But did he mean them?

Did he really think of you that way?

Or was he just hurt and wanted to hurt you back?

Well, he did hurt you. Your heart still makes that awful squeeze when you think back at what happened about half an hour ago.

Was he still in the house or did he leave?

You didn't know, but it was awfully quiet in the whole house.

It was so quiet that even the careful, soft knock on the closed door still made you jump.

"Babe?" - came his quiet voice.

Another tear fall down from your eyes and you wiped it off with your sleeve. The answer was the sound of you blowing your nose.

"Baby, I'm so sorry, please forgive me?" - even if his voice was weak you could tell he meant these words, but the wound on your soul was still felt too fresh to accept his apology this easily.

"Can you open the door, sweetheart? I know you locked it, because you don't wanna see me, but I'm so deeply sorry. I... I didn't think, I just said things to make you mad, because I felt mad, I didn't mean anything I've said, I promise."

You sure hoped so, because that would be awful and you would never want to see him again if he did.

"I'm sorry for shouting too. I was already frustrated with work, and then you started nagging me, and I don't even remember what we started fighting about in the first place, it just escalated so quickly..."

Well, if you think about it, you were throwing everything at each other from who's turn was it to do the laundry to barely going out together in the past few weeks. You didn't remember what started the fight either.

You remember saying that you started to get enough of living with him, and he replied with 'well, it wasn't my idea for you to move in with me, was it?' and fuck that hurt.

"I think I didn't take out the trash again, or something, right?"

You smiled a little as you wiped away another tear.

"I uh... I did just now."

You bit the inside of your cheek.

"And you want a pat on the head or something?" - you called back.

Atsumu let out a sigh of relief on the other side of the door, hearing that at least you were willing to talk to him. And fuck, his heart did a happy jump hearing your voice.

"Baby, open the door, please, I wanna see you. It wasn't even 30 minutes ago that you called me a selfish dickhead, but I already miss you."

You shook your head as you hopped off from the bed, and wiped your face again before you unlocked the door and opened it.

Atsumu’s eyes widened in hope, but he immediately felt regret wash over him when he saw your puffy, red eyes.

"Y/N, I'm so sorry. I swear I didn't mean any of it, please don't cry because of a stupid fucking idiot like me, okay?" - Atsumu pleaded as he slowly reached his hands out for you, and without hesitation, you stepped into his waiting arms and jumped up, wrapping your arms and legs around his tall form.

He immediately started peppering your hair, ear, shoulder with kisses and walked to the bed and sit down on it with you in his lap.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, you know I love that you moved in with me, you take care of me and I love you for it, princess, you're the best thing that ever happened to me."

You pulled away with a smile on your face to look at him, but you became worried when you saw the unshed tears in his eyes.

"Hey, what's wrong?" - you asked as you cupped his face gently.

He closed his eyes as he looked down shaking his head.

"I don't want to lose you." - he said in a rough whisper and you quickly wiped away his tears that ran down his cheeks after his confession.

"You won't Atsumu, I promise. I love you. And I said some pretty awful things I shouldn't have and I want you to know that I didn't mean them either."

Atsumu nodded and looked at your lips.

"You can kiss me." - you reassured him.

Atsumu nodded again and eagerly captured your lips with his. You kissed each other fast and passionate, both of you apologizing for the fight, but after a few minutes of deseperate attempts to make the other forgive for the things that had been said, you both calmed down, knowing everything is going to be alright, and neither of you will leave the other.

When you pulled away for a deep breath of air, Atsumu started kissing your jaw, slowly biting and sucking his way down to your neck, while your fingers sneaked their way into his hair, pulling with just the right amount of force which you know he loved.

"Excpet for the selfish dickhead part, I meant that from the bottom of my heart." - you whispered as you leant your head back to give him better access.

"I know, baby, I know. But you still love me, and I love you for that." - he murmued against your skin and put his palms on your ass to pull you closer to his hardening cock.

You moaned when you felt him between your legs and you started rubbing yourself against his bulge. You loved it when he wore sweatpants at home.

"Will you show me how much you love me?"

"Always." - he replied, and pulled off your hoodie and shirt in one move.

He loved it when you didn't wear a bra at home.

You leaned back a little to arch your back for him as he pushed your breasts together and licked both of your nipples. He kissed and bit each of your tits, wrapping his arms around your waist, wanting to feel every inch of your body against his.

"Take off your shirt."

"Yes ma'am."

You helped him with the task and when his upper body was naked you pushed him on his back. You held his hands above his head on the bed and slowly caressed your way down his wrists, arms, shoulders and chest. When you reached his stomach you gently dug your nails into his flesh, making him moan and thrust his hips up into yours.

You threw your head back with a deep moan, and Atsumu sat up quickly to kiss you and turn you on the bed, laying you on your back. He kissed you slow and deep, whispering apologies against your lips, and you accepted each with small nods, and needy moans.

His hands were working on removing both of your pants and underwear, and when he was done with those tasks, he cupped your heat with his right hand, slowly moving his fore- and middle finger between your soaking hole and swollen clit, watching your face as you whined sweetly for him.

He gently kissed down his way through your chest and stomach, while he slipped his fingers inside you. You moaned his name loud, which he always loved to hear.

"I'm so sorry for everything I've said, baby. Can I eat you out? Can I eat your sweet pussy, princess? Let me apologize to you properly, please."

You held yourself up with your elbows and nodded. Atsumu kissed the inside of both of your thighs while he was fingering you slowly, and he didn't break eye contact when he opened his mouth to lick your clit gently.

You moaned and bit your bottom lip, reaching out to grab his hair and carress him while he was lapping at your pussy.

"You're doing great baby, you're making me feel so good, I love you." - you encouraged him with sweet meows.

Atsumu nooded without stopping pleasing you, and he kept his eyes on you while you watched him eating you out.

You started to get louder, he was pumping his fingers in and out of you in a slow tempo but as your pussy started to get wetter and wetter, he curled them upwards in search of your g-spot. A sharp intake of breath from you told him that he found the right place, and as your thighs started to shake he massaged that spot faster and rougher. He switched from teasing your clit with gentle licks to sucking it with fervor. After every sharp breath you took in, you cried them out in pure bliss as you felt your insides squeeze together, and after a while the pressure started to get unbearable. Just a few seconds later your whole body tensed and you rubbed your pussy harder against Atsumu’s mouth to increase your pleasure to the max with loud cries and exhausting breaths.

Atsumu helped rode out your orgasm, and only let go of you when you pulled your pussy away from his mouth. He kissed your still shaking thighs, then climbed on top of you to kiss your mouth with passion.

"You're beautiful, baby, I can't get enough of you." - he praised you while he lined up his rock hard cock at your opening and started to make it wet with your juices. - "Need you now, princess, can I fuck you? I know you're still sensitive, but I can't wait any longer, I have to have you." - he pleaded, but his voice turned rough when he was horny, and it sounded more like a demand.

You weren't complaining.

You nodded against his lips and pulled your knees apart to gave him more room, and with a gentle thrust of his hips, he slipped inside your wetness easily. You both moaned at the feeling and you cupped his jaw with one hand to turn his head sideways so you could suck on his neck.

Atsumu shuddered when you kissed, bit and licked his skin there, making his hips slam into yours just a little bit harder than gentle.

"I will never talk to you like that again, okay baby?" - he looked down at you and pushed his forehead against yours. - "I will never shout again, I won't say those horrible things ever again, I promise I didn't mean any of it, okay, Y/N?"

You could only moan and nod as he was penetraing you in the most intimate way. He hooked his arm under one of your knees, pushing it against your chest, while your other leg was wrapped around his waist, your heel sinking into the spot just below his ass, urging him on to fuck his apologies into you, while he was staring in your eyes the whole time, so you could be sure that he means every word this time.

"I don't know what I would do without you, promise you never leave me?" - he leaned closer to your ear to whisper in it, but you could still look into his eyes as you answer.

"I'll never leave you, you're so good to me, Atsumu, no one loved me like you do." - you panted as you cupped his face, but you had to grab onto his upper arm, when his pace picked up at your words.

"Say you love me." - he whispered as he kissed your shoulder.

"I love you."

"I love you."

"I love you, Atsumu, oh my god, right there!"

"I love you, Y/N, cum for me, show me how much you love me!"

"A-Atsumu!" - you cried out as wave after wave of pleasure washed over your body. You bit down on Atsumu’s neck and sucked at his pulse, while you dragged your nails down his back, causing just a little bit of pain, because you knew it made him cum harder.

His pace picked up even more and the force of his thrusts made him sway the bed under you back and forth, slamming the headboard against the wall with loud banging, until you heard him moan loudly with each shot of cum that exploded out of his dick, turning your walls white.

He collapsed next to you on the bed with a grunt, and you curled into his side as his arms protectively held you close to his body.

"I love you, baby, and this was amazing, but please let's not fight ever again." - he panted, still trying to catch his breath.

"Deal, handsome."

___________________________________

[studiojeon]

bitterness in goodbye | jjk

this is part of my troubled outsiders series. sadly, you can't read this as a stand alone (meaning: feel free to check the previous parts ♡)

| summary | - You can’t help but feel a little sad when Jungkook doesn’t refrain from cuddling your arm after pleading to forgive him. You wish you could cuddle him instead, that he would lay his head on your chest as you play with his soft hair, but you recognize there are some things you just can’t have.

warnings: none (?) i mean chaeryeong insults jungkook which is an atrocity in itself but-

contents: we diving into the angst my friends. jungkook is an innocent, kind hearted soul, i promise. oc's got the feels (out oct. 1) for jk. idol!jungkook × student!reader.

author's note: I EDITTED THIS FROM MY PHONE DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW FUCKING ANNOYING THAT IS? also, thank u for the amount of support i've been receiving lately, i appreciate everyone lots. feel free to ask away or suggest anything btw, i would love to write for any prompts you guys come up with. 💞💗💖💘💓💕

words: 1.57k

playlist: honey by halsey

Four weeks later, the receptionist of your apartment complex hands you over a cardboard box with the hoodie Jungkook and you had talked about that day on the Han River. Jungkook kept pestering you to please please please send him your address for confidential purposes, which you knew had to do with his determination to literally provide anything that catches your eye right away. You assumed it was a sensitive topic for the boy whether people had purposefully taken advantage of his money before, so you didn’t dare to say anything when the man asked you for your size literally two hours after he dropped you off, scared to either reject his solidare intentions or piss him off for bringing unwanted memories back. In  your defense, your personality type keeps oscillating between INFP and INFJ so it’s only natural that you take extra care to make sure those around you have as much peace of mind as possible in your presence. 

As pretty and comfortable the piece of soft clothing is, an important factor is missing, something that you can’t recreate buying two of the same size and color, and that is Jungkook's escence and how good it looks on him in comparison to anyone else in the world. Meaning, you didn’t like it as much as you thought initially would. And it absolutely did not have to do with the fact that your short stature made you look like a toddler who stole their dad’s jacket.

Still, in order to show Jungkook how much you appreciate his gift, you bring it to work the next day, and the rest of the days after that, with the excuse that with winter rolling around you needed something to keep you warm in the office. Jungkook doesn’t miss the opportunity to confirm your assumptions regarding your appearance whenever he barges into your office randomly throughout the week, arguing that ”you look so adorable” and doesn’t stop for two weeks more, until he gets used to seeing you wearing something you shared with him. Which doesn’t help ease your growing romantic feelings for him whatsoever.

Because yeah, you liked Jeon Jungkook, just like every human being with eyes and sexual desires, except, you didn’t just like him in a superficial way, and that’s where the problem with him resides. Though you are sure everyone has fallen in love with the endearing boy at some point - especially the excluded and invalidated women of society - you can’t help but place some blame on you for allowing yourself to be swooned so goddamn easily. Your mom had said to you at some point to be wary of the way some men would talk to you when you grew up, their intention usually being getting inside your pants, which has happened to you more times than you'd like to admit. And with the argument that she knew you better than anyone, she claimed you would comply right the second someone talked sweet to you; you despised the fact that was the case with Jungkook (and Jungkook only), although he had never shown any sexual innuendos. What your feelings could do to your relationship with Jungkook and your rather chill lifestyle scared you to death, shiver me timbers and all that shit, having romantic feelings for someone else is embarrassing, especially when your chance with them has been scratched out the second you laid eyes on them.

Jungkook sits on your couch, legs spread on your thighs as you two pretend to watch some series on netflix. “I don’t buy for a second the act you’re putting on right now.” he speaks randomly after staring at your deep-in-thought state for a few minutes and laughs when you snap at him for not letting you overthink in peace. “What’s going on?”

Truth is, you don’t fucking know. A few hours before he arrived at your place (you had to pick him up at the dorm and sneak the both of you through the subterranean parking lot, because god forbid someone saw Jungkook arriving at some chick’s dorm on a saturday afternoon) you swore you would be able to conceal whatever emotional turmoil you had going inside of you without compromising your regular behaviour around the man, but when push comes to shove, it’s impossible to keep yourself from wondering how far you could go before that special someone found out what was going on inside of your head.

Jungkook’s phone rings in his pocket with some annoying tone he had downloaded illegally from youtube the same day the company had handed over the device as a gift for him (you still were a little bitter over how they neglected the rest of the staff but you also knew it was kind of impossible for the human kind to just gift a-thousand-dollar-phones to almost five hundred people out of solidarity). “Hyung?” he picks up, still wary of your unusual behaviour, concerned eyes looking at you. “No, uh- i’m with Yugyeom right now.” and your heart shatters into a million pieces.

You have been suspecting for a while that Jungkook is being hesitant to introduce you to his social circle. Although, you’ve tried your best not to take it personal, it is getting harder to resist the urge to ask him what the fuck is up with that. The fact that Jungkook had to lie about the person he was hanging out with broke your ego; he could’ve just said he was with a friend, right? You suddenly feel like you’re fifteen again, when the guy you liked would love you in the dark but pretend he didn’t know you in the light. 

Holding your tears back, you gently push him off and make your way towards the bathroom in the most nonchalant way you could. This is your fault for falling for the nice popular guy in the first place, you remind the reflection staring back at you. Still, as bad as it hurt, there was no way you were going to cry over a stupid boy, let alone when he was literally sat on the next room. He can go fuck himself if he thinks he can just toss this behind as if nothing ever happened.

You text Chaeryeong instead.

“chaery bom bom: i swear to god i gonna throw hands the next time i see the bitch.

chaery bom bom: like who the hell does he think he is? fucking squidward looking asshole.

chaery bom bom: he ain’t even that cute bub, you’ll get over him. i know jinyoung wouldn’t treat you like this”

You sigh. Chaeryeong has been enamored with the idea of you and his former company colleague from GOT7 since the day she met the guy (which was somewhere around ten years ago), and although he was all that, you didn’t like his quiet and cold aura, it intimidated the fuck out of you (Jungkook was the entire opposite of that).

You spray on some perfume just to have an excuse as to why you randomly ran to the bathroom when Jungkook’s inquiring eyes stare as you sit back on the couch, which is exactly what he does. “You done with your call?” you ask, bitter.

Jungkook frowns, a bit taken aback by the sudden question but still unaware of the way his words had made you feel, not even sensing the hostile change in your mood. “Yes, it was one of our managers. He was wondering if I could come back to reshoot some...-thing.”

Okay, now you kind of understand as to why he lied in the first place and to say you feel guilty is an understatement. “I supposed he backed down once you mentioned you were hanging out with Yugyeom.” playfulness makes its appearance on your tone and Jungkook rolls his eyes at you, tongue poking on the inside of his slightly red cheeks.

“Sorry for that” he moves closer and cuddles your arm, like a sad guilty puppy. “It’s just- I don’t want them asking questions''.

You understand. He is a very reserved and private person after all. It took you a bit to crack him open yourself. Plus, you kind of share that trait with him, you’d hate it too if people were constantly on your nerves for the people you decide to hang out with. 

And that’s all it takes to forgive him. Not very cash money of you.

“You better not pull that shit again, though” you shift in his hold and he looks up at you. One look into your eyes and he knows what you mean. “I’ll kick you out.”

After nodding, Jungkook resumes his concentration on the series you picked out for him. Due to your short attention span, you are very picky about what you invest your time in, especifically with audiovisual pieces of media, so Jungkook trusts you whenever you recommend something on very rare occasions. As a matter of fact, Jungkook was busy attacking your kitchen counters for snacks (which you didn’t have) when you mentioned Money Heist. “Munch on some grapes instead” you suggested to soothe his disappointment.

You can’t help but feel a little sad when Jungkook doesn’t refrain from cuddling your arm after pleading to forgive him. You wish you could cuddle him instead, that he would lay his head on your chest as you play with his soft hair, but you recognize there are some things you just can’t have.

[eclipsedpascal]

You Deserve This

Andy Dolan x Female Reader

GIF by @kissxmedeadly !!

“The reader asking Andy about his kiddo (let's pretend is a lil boy 🤣) and him being very emotional about it and the reader who truly loves him conforts him 😭❤️” - anon

Please read the warnings!!

Warnings: use of drugs (weed), smut, oral (female receiving), slight public sex, slight angst, mentions of rehab, mentions of suicidal thoughts, a lil bit of crying and VERY slight Eden spoilers, but thats only if you don't want to know anything AT ALL, so basically none? idk lmao:)

Notes: hi! So this is my first Andy fic, I wrote it very quickly last night after a sudden burst of inspiration and it doesn't make too much sense, also it’s kinda cheesy? I don't think I've ever written anything this angsty or soft before, but i’m trying to be more in touch w my emotions nd this is my way of doing that, so hopefully i'll do more things like this soon:) also if you’re interested, the title is one of my favourite songs by Men I Trust that I just thought fit Andy well.

Word count: 1.8k

●●●●●●●●

The warm, dancing breeze washed over your skin, plucking up your many goosebumps and blowing the rainbow coloured sea of petals that decorated the large garden from left to right. The bittersweet mix of their fragrances and Andy’s blunt rushed to you and filled your scrunched up, wrinkled nose as you let out a loud laugh. The vibrant expanse of fluffy grass felt close to a mattress underneath you, cradling your form whilst you laid amongst the greenery and watched Andy ghost a deep inhale of the blunt he had balanced precariously between two fingers. He flopped his arm across the gap between you and offered you another toke, the dopey smile spread over his features making you laugh even more.

“What’s so funny? Hmm?” He questioned you jokingly, rolling onto his forearms and bringing his face to hover just above yours as you brought the blunt to your lips. You couldn't hold in your laughter, your drug hazed state and the breeze that pushed his brown curls to tickle your blushing skin only exaggerating your amusement further as you choked out clouds of smoke.

“What??” He joined in laughing, finding humour in his own confusion and finding your laugh infectious. His lips found your own in a sudden yet gentle kiss which you gladly embraced, still not managing to fully compose yourself as you giggled into his open mouth.

You did your best to pull back from the kiss, but were reminded you didn't really have anywhere to go when you felt a blade of grass flutter against your ear. “It’s just.. your smile.” You rested your blunt carrying hand on his cheek as you spoke, feeling your heart swell when he pulled an overdramatic expression of insult at your reply.

“What’s so wrong with my smile?!” He half faked offence, not understanding what you could possibly find so amusing about it as you giggled more and more. “What’s wrong with it?- is it my lips? ‘They not good enough for you baby?” His thick accent aided his voice, making him sound even more attractive than he already was as he joked with you.

“Noo! it definitely wasn’t your lips, cause I love those.” You gripped his locks a little firmer, biting your lip as his stare changed from one of curiosity to one of want.

“Oh yeah?” He leaned back down and kissed you again, but this time rougher, the weed made you feel as if his lips were slowly melting into your own as it sent strong signals of lust through your body. He put all his weight on one arm, lifting the other and groping your waist with it whilst simultaneously moving to trail wet kisses down your neck.

His touches were deep, yet executed so delicately it convinced you if he was any rougher, you might just break. He opened the buttons of the flowing shirt you wore; one you had stolen out of his wardrobe that morning. He moved his head further down your chest to your stomach, mouth racing in slow motion to reach you were he wanted to most.

Forgetting to explain why you found his smile so funny in the first place, your high carried your thoughts closer towards how incredible his mouth felt on your skin, making you lean into his touch and let out a few small mewls.

As he reached your panty line, he tapped your hip, signalling for you to lift them so he could take your shorts off. He slid them off your legs in a quick, smooth motion that had them landing on a nearby lavender bush. The garden had quite a large variety of blossoming shrubbery and many clusters of beautiful flowers, it was probably down to the bi-weekly gardeners Andy had hired. You had known they were expensive and after spending so much time like this, lazing around, surrounded by the expensive home’s nature, you were beginning to understand why he had hired them.

You returned your gaze from the dangling shorts, back to the man nestled between your bare thighs. His beard was scratching at your skin in the best way possible as he laid small kisses over the thin fabric that covered your cunt. His hot breathe felt like fire as you wriggled and squirmed below him, just wanting some kind of contact from him.

He used two fingers to peel your panties to the side, groaning at the site of your glistening folds before kissing your clit gently. His tongue started swiping across your cunt slowly, taking all the time in the world to make you feel as good as he knew he could. You moaned loudly, grabbing at his hair once more as he sucked on you deeply.

“Mr Dolan?” You were interrupted by a throat clearing before hearing a man speak; one of Andy’s many servants you guessed. They had never seemed to leave the two of you alone whilst you had been staying there. No matter how big his home was, you always seemed to find another at every corner.

Andy looked up to the man with question and annoyance, raising an eyebrow at him as he wished for him to just hurry up and leave so the two of you could continue with your escapades. “It’s the phone for you Mr Dolan. Your son.”

Andy quickly rose from his place below you, his mind abandoning all thought of the act he was just partaking in as he jogged past the glass doors of his home, wanting only to speak to the young boy.

You sat up slightly, doing up a few buttons of your shirt and laying your crossed legs to the side of you as you held yourself up with your arm. You watched him as he scrambled into the house after his servant, little red marks from where he had been lying in the grass next to you were noticeably imprinted on the skin of his left arm, the one he had been leaning on, and his open shirt was flowing behind him with the speed he was moving.

You looked down to the flowers on front of you, picking a single daisy that bore tinted, pink tips on the end of each slim, white petal, twirling the stem around between two of your fingers as you listened to the breeze pick up. You could feel the mood of the air change as he left, the wind feeling more cold an irritating than once before as you pondered the call Andy was having.

You knew how desperate he had been to speak to his son again. It had been months since he had spoken to him without his ex-wife being the messenger. He missed him more than he knew to describe.

His recent divorce had been what had fuelled him to return home to Eden; hoping to find solace in the paradise he knew so well after feeling as if he had lost himself entirely. Spending too many years constantly playing other people had taken more of a toll on him than he had realised, that was until he was sent to rehab. After getting out, he felt as if staying in Eden was the only way for him to climb out of the dark hole he had managed to find himself in. Unfortunately, this journey of finding himself had meant making the decision to leave his son behind in Los Angles. Something he didn't like to speak on much.

When you had first met him in rehab however, he had been extremely open about his life, telling you how anger was the only emotion he could really feel anymore. Explaining that if he wasn’t at least the slightest amount intoxicated, he didn't think he couldn't go on with living; especially after the recent downfall of his career being showcased for the entire world to see. It was dark stuff, but you understood each other. That’s a big part of what made you grow so close.

You picked off petal after petal from the daisy, watching its beauty fade with each pluck and letting each one slowly blow into the breeze, creating a tragic stream as they blew away from you and down to the not so far off shoreline. As you plucked the last petal, you admired the daisy, still glowing with pollen and beaming in the sunlight despite have lost so many important parts of it. You stuck it into your shirt pocket and fell back down to lay on the grass as you waited for Andy to finish his call.

It had been maybe ten minutes you were lying with your eyes closed, enjoying the heat that beamed down from the clear, Australian sky when you finally heard the slow footsteps that you knew to be Andy’s, pattering along the grass. You shot up from where you lay to see the dopey-smiled man who had left you in the garden just fifteen minutes before, only to be faced with a red-eyed, teary one.

“Andy what happened? Are you okay?” He fell down onto the grass besides you, staring at you but completely wordless. You felt as if you could see into his soul. He was feeling so many emotions he hadn’t even been able to grasp at in so long. It was overwhelming him and you knew it. You reached out to stroke is cheek, concern running through you for the man that you had grown to love so dearly over the past few months.

He looked up “She’s gonna let me see him. T-They’re coming over next month.” A tear fell from his face as he smiled harder than you had ever seen him smile before. He was finally going to see his son after all these long months and you couldn’t have been any happier for him.

“Really?! That’s amazing, oh my god!” You moved forwards, wrapping your arms over his large shoulders and squeezing him in a hug so full of love it was palpable. “You really got to speak to him this time?” You questioned him once more before pulling away from his grasp, thinking back to the many times his ex-wife had promised he could speak with the boy but decided at the last minute he wouldn’t get to.

“Yeah!.. he uhh,” He took in a shaky breath, chuckling with joy as he recalled hearing the young boy’s voice so filled with excitement and energy over the phone. “He said he couldn't wait to meet you! You know, when I told him about you.” He stumbled over his words, running a hand through his hair as he shook with nerves, doing his best to calm himself.

In that moment, you felt your love for him soar higher than it ever had before. You were so proud of the progress he had made, and you knew his son would be too. “And I cant wait to meet him either.” You rested your forehead against his, the two of you enjoying a stand still and bathing in the happiness you both felt in the beautiful moment. The sound of the ever present breeze occupied your ears as the laughter emitting from two of you joined it, echoing a song throughout the garden that wouldn’t be forgotten any time soon.

●●●●●●●●

Thank you sm for reading!!🥺💗

Tags: @celestialrequiem @ntxoza @dark-mei-rose @sojournmichael @blakescoven @ritualmichael @ghostangels @fernfiction @ferndolan @brattylovee @7-wonders @angelicmichael @melodylangdon @brooklinn13 @kitty4860 @lavenderahs @michaellangdonstanaccount @9layerdevilfoodcake @chicaluna2410 @plymptxn-reborn I've just tagged anyone who I thought might be interested as per usual, but if you would to be removed feel free to let me know!! you can also lemme know if you would like to be added to the tag list too:)

[fandomscombine]

Heartbreak Woman [Cho/Cedric Ending]

Warning: Angst! Brokenhearted!Reader

WC:1454

I proposed 3 varying endings and the response was across the board so I decided why the heck not write ALL 3 choices!

a/n: I haven't been active on tumblr this past month. Motivation to read & write wasn't really there. Feelin pretty crap. I don't think it's my best work- I actually wrote this ending last month but delay posting it since I promised to post all 3 endings back to back- but with the recent burnout, my progress is slow. Proofread it and push the insecurities & anxieties away and here we are. Love was put into this, I hope you enjoy it! Don't worry, the other 2 endings are on the way.

I tried posting this 9 times now and it keeps saying error. this is me testing it with mobile so formatting is hard but I hope it posts

BG: You were hoping that your best friend, Cedric to ask you to the Yule Ball. Instead you were roped into helping him ask Cho out. It broke your heart, but at least this way while helping him out you could pretend that he was doing all the sweet things to you. On the other side of the picture, Harry was too heartbroken upon learning that Cho is going out with Cedric.

Read the main story before it diverges ending here!

>>>Heartbreak Woman [Main]

>>>MASTERLIST<<<

 

Did Harry Potter really just ask you out and you said yes?

Touching your forehead, it wasn’t bleeding anymore but there is still a slight sting to it from the collision with Harry’s broom. Yes. That definitely happened. You thought to yourself, this isn’t some delusion from the injury.

 This is good. This is good. Hyping yourself up. You enjoy his company and that should be enough to stop your thoughts from going about a certain Hufflepuff boy. The same boy you had abruptly left alone in the greens. It’s not his fault nor it is Cho’s for wanting to date each other. You have nothing against them, they are both such lovely and kind people and not to mention popular- it was only a matter of time that they got together, Hogwarts’ Power Couple.

No, it’s just you and your stupid feelings falling for your best friend and agreeing to help with the courtship.

‘Y/n? Hii.” The voice reels you back to reality.

You blinked. “Cho! Hi!” Greeting her loudly had been taken by surprise. You dial down your volume. “What can I do for you?”

“It’s actually what you did, really… I just wanted to say thank you.”

You were confused, why was she thanking you?

“For helping Cedric I mean” She clarified. “He mentioned that you helped him with the picnic idea. It was very sweet. It was what made me finally say yes.”

“That’s awesome.” You force yourself to smile. “I’m glad you guys are together, I can finally get that git to stop bothering me with date ideas. That’s 3 weeks of my life I’m not getting back!” There was some truth to that statement, now that she and Cedric are together you don’t have to go through the pain of practice dates with Cedric.

“You y/n are the absolute wingwoman! Legend material!” Cho praised. “You're like my fairy godmother!” She continues, wrapping you into an embrace.

“yayyyy….That’s me…” You mumble into her luscious hair. Grateful that Cho couldn’t see your face.  Pulling apart, you don’t let her go quite yet. With hands on her shoulder, you stare unwavering. “Just don’t break his heart yea? He’s really smitten by you, promise you won’t hurt him.”

Cho is taken aback a bit, your words clearly coming from a strong emotional bond with the boy.  Thoughts of love, Eros, passed through her mind but brushed it away - It can’t be y/n help them get together. Y/n’s words must come from Philia love, y/n and Cedric had been best friends since before they could talk! Everyone knows that. They have a soul connection that can’t be replicated.  “I promise.”

~

14th February.

Valentine’s Day.

This holiday sucks.

No, not for the reason that you’re single. Nah.

Today is a downer as you won’t be able to do your annual tradition.

See every since 3rd year you and Cedric would be in a pink ensemble outfit complete with red heart sunglasses. Spreading chants of self love and showering fellow single students and professors with compliments. This all started out when your roommates teased you for not having a date for Valentine’s day.  When Cedric had heard about it, he went all out. The boy basically made sure that every single person knew how wonderful, beautiful and intelligent you are.

It was this day onwards that 2 things happened.

Complementing and advocating for self love, Philautia, in a pink get up became an annual Valentine’s tradition. (Even a couple of students joined the cause, expanding from you just both into an association/group of sorts.)

 You started to see Cedric in a new light. In other words, you were falling in love with your best friend.

Scanning the Great Hall for pink cladded pupils, you were glad that the group had saved you a seat however a certain Hufflepuff was out of sight. Taking a deep breath, you cleared your head. Get it together y/n. Today is about sharing love and do NOT think about Cedric and Cho going on a romantic date in Hogsmeade.

You were about to take a step forward when-

“Argh!” Shutting your eyes as the hall spun around.

“Relaxx!! Relax! It’s just me.”

Feet back on solid ground, you turned towards the perpetrator, the one boy you did not want to see right now. “What the fuck Ced! Don’t scare me like that!”

“I’m sorry…” Cedric raises his arms in surrender. “Is everything alright?”

“Yea everything’s fine.”

Cedric raises a brow. You forget that this boy can see through your bullshit.

“Only had a couple hours of sleep, that’s all.” It wasn’t a lie, in fact you’d only gotten 3 hours of rest last night, it was just the case of omitting that his upcoming date with Cho was the reason for your restlessness. You don’t want to blame it on jealousy, but it is.

Grabbing hold of your hand, he pulls you towards the group. "Alright then, I've got some spare sleeping potion if you need."

You wave to your fellow singles as you sit down."uh..thanks Ced." You couldn't stop vocalizing your confusion as to why Cedric is still right next to you. Normally you wouldn't complain, but today was Valentine's Day.

"Ouch y/n!" Cedric sassed, eyes focused on piling food onto his plate." Just because I have a girlfriend now doesn't mean I would disappear on my best girl."

My best girl. It hurts to be called that in another context than you wanted.

"Don't you have a date with Cho today?"

"Yea but Madam Puddifoot’s Tea Shop  doesn't open until 11am. Which gives me time for our annual Valentine's tradition!"

"But you're taken."

"Yes….but I could still help spreading the love!" Cedric glanced around. "No one minds that I come to join you right?"

A murmur of Nos filled your eyes.

"Haha! See I told you!" Cedric brags, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. Looks at you straight in the eyes, those gorgeous grey irises melting away your defenses."You can't get rid of me that easily." He whispers, loud enough only for you to hear. You could feel the heat filling up your face due to his closeness. Too busy lost in the rapid beats of your heart, you failed to notice his face getting even closer.

A softness like cotton grazes your cheek.

Cedric kissed you!

Your mind is close to being short circuited. The area of where Cedric's lips were a nanosecond ago is cold as ice. The cold contrasted with your now burning hot, blushing face.

You could live in this forever. All external environments quiet, blocked out of focus. Cedric's arms around you while the butterflies in your stomach bursts out, occupying your whole body with sheer giddiness from having his lips on you.

But the daydream breaks.

"Hey Love! You ready?"

"Morning!" He greets, kissing her. "Uh…" It's only 9:34am. You nod, silently telling him that it was okay to miss your annual tradition. You weren't expecting any quality time today, yet he managed even if it was just for breakfast. "Yea.. give me 10 minutes to go change and I'll pick you up at the courtyard?"

"Sounds great. Be quick cause I miss you already!"

"Sure will sweetheart." He pecks her lips again then waves goodbye to the table and he's off, running.

The tension changes once Cedric is gone.

"Can I talk to you outside y/n?"

"uh yeah" Once outside. "What's up?" Trying to sound casual. Cho inviting you to speak privately isn't usual-seeing that you were the couple's go to accomplice for surprises.

"I see the way you look at him."

"I'm sorry?"

"I know.you like him. y/n. I know you like Cedric."

"Cho.. you can't be serious, he's my best friend!"

"I wasn't sure then.but just now..the way you act around him. the way you look at him. y/n is undeniable. It’s  so obvious-I had assumptions then but everyone just brushes it off as your childhood friend with each other. heck even both of you say that."

"Cho…."

"I didn't bring this up before because I felt insecure, jealous even that I can't live up to the standard of relationship you and Cedric have.”

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. There were too many revelations bombarding you all at once, that you are having trouble processing what is going on.

“But I am tired of what ifs and worrying.” Voice quivering, she continues. “You've got to tell him, y/n."

The words snap you back into place.

"Cho… I can't. I can't ruin your relationship."

If you love someone and they love someone else, you let them go.

~

Everything Taglist :@gruffle1

HP Taglist:@onlyfreds

Heartbreak woman Tagist:

@joalinbenefits @the-natureofme @romanoffs-heart @justmesadgirl @plumso @gleefulleve @wolf-phoenix-lover @ceofcedric @savvy7392 @cedricsfluffyhair @thewayilookatbacon @LIONLIKEWOLFLIKE @mellifluous-cosmos

[batlingsstuff]

|| DREAM SMP HEADCANON|| Ranboo with Dementia

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

AYYY WHAT'S UP GUYS it's me :) i'm sorry this took so long to make, school is fxcking me over

okay okay now onto the headcanon

this will be pure angst, so be ready boys ;)

also, this is completely platonic.

insp: Everywhere at the End of Time - The Caretaker

TW/CW // anxiety, death, panic attacks, hallucinations, dementia

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

┌────── ⋆⋅✦⋅⋆ ──────┐

GENDER NEUTRAL

└────── ⋆⋅✦⋅⋆ ──────┘

✦ - STAGE ONE

at first everything was normal, you two were best friends and did basically everything together

he ocassionally forgot little things, like where he left his pickaxe and other stuff

it was harder for him to concentrate so you always were there for him to help him with everythimg, even just little things

and he appreciates it so much

then the behaviour changes, like suddenly getting more angry and/or impatient

and being more cheerful than usual

then the anxiety, he was always scared and one time he had a really bad panic attack

you were absolutely concerned about him and decided to take care of him

you never left his side

he always talked about how scared he was

and ranted for hours

until he forgot about his problems

✦ - STAGE TWO

everything stayed like that for two years, then he started forgetting major things, like people's names

one day you two went to visit your friend, jack manifold

he couldn't remember his name or who he was

you noticed there was something wrong with him, and decided to take him to several hospitals and clinics

after several check-ups you got the results

he was diagnosed with dementia

you cried for hours while he was sitting next to you patting your back, constantly asking why you were crying

he would ask the same question several times, making you cry harder

you moved in with him to make sure he was taking his meds

"why am i taking these, (y/n)?"

'for your own sake'

one day you took him to a walk around snowchester and he looked disorientated, not knowing what was that place

✦ - STAGE THREE

everything was worse, so much worse

he lost his memory book because he misplaced it somewhere, but you don't know where

he had trouble with speaking and stumbled with his words most of the time

tubbo, his platonical husband, came to visit every now and then to check up on ranboo

but ranboo forgot who was him

"your husband? haha oh no, i don't rem...ember getting engaged, i'm sorry."

"why are you crying?"

tubbo stopped visiting after that

he often had problem differentiating colours

one day he was so depressed that he couldn't get out of the bed for two days

after that, he seemed to have trouble recognizing you

'ranboo, it's me, your best friend (y/n)! don't you remember me ranboo? please remember.'

"i... don't know who you are... i'm sorry. i don't even r...ecall having a b-best friend."

you couldn't stop crying

your best friend was slowly losing his memories, and you couldn't do anything about it

i guess it's over, isn't it?

✦ - STAGE FOUR

his memory problems got so much worse, he forgot that water could actually damage him

he was curious about the rain, so he got out one day when it was raining and put out his hand to reach the droplets

he hissed in pain when the water damaged his skin and stormed back inside

hopefully you treated his wounds quickly and told him that it was better if he stayed in bed for now

while he was in bed and you were trying to get some rest besides him, he allucinated about a whole ass wave drowning him and he started to scream, like if he was in pain

you woke up due to the screaming and tried to calm him down, hugging him tightly and shushing him

he calmed down after a few minutes, sobbing loudly and returning the hug

he was scared, he didn't want to die

he couldn't talk at this point, every noise that came out of his mouth was incomprehensible, he was unable to communicate with others normally

you couldn't understand him, he couldn't understand you

your friendship was falling apart with the time

but afterall, you were there for him.

and that warmed his heart, even if he wasn't aware of that.

✦ - STAGE FIVE

he stayed up late multiple times, just watching you sleep or looking at the window, not able to think about anything

he felt like he was disconnecting from reality, like if his soul was slowly leaving his body

everything was foggy in his mind as he started to forget who was he, what was his name and occupation, who were his friends

who were his friends? is a question that he often asked himself

he looked at you one more time while he repeated that question simultaneously

"they're my friend."

he repeated that sentence several times, like if he was reassuring himself so he wouldn't forget that you were his friend.

he wrapped his arms around you while you slept, pulling you in a gentle hug

"thank you."

why was he thanking you? he felt like you were doing something important for him

but he couldn't remember what it was.

and that frustrated him, so he started sobbing uncontrollably

but he managed to calm himself down thanks to the relaxing sound of your heartbeat

he felt like he was dying slowly, but he didn't care about that

he had a friend who cared about him, and that's what matters to him.

✦ - STAGE SIX

ranboo was worse than ever, he forgot how to eat food properly and the basic movements of the mouth to do so

so you had to help him by gently moving his jaw up and down so he could munch the food

deep down his heart, he was thankful.

he didn't understand what was happening to him or who you were, but he knew that you were his friend.

he would randomly start crying, but it wasn't out of sadness

they were tears of joy

he was thankful that you were his friend

as no one else came to visit anymore

so he spend up his last years snuggling with you, always trying to remind himself that you were special.

and he loved you dearly, platonically speaking

✦ - STAGE SEVEN

ranboo couldn't even get out of bed as he forgot how to use his legs properly, not being able to walk

so you brought him food to his bedroom and started talking with him everyday and you didn't care anymore if he didn't answer you

you knew he wasn't able to speak anymore

you even stopped caring about your life, like work and friends

you wanted to spend every single minute with ranboo so he wouldn't be alone in his last days of life.

the days passed by slowly and one day everything ended abruptly.

ranboo forgot how to breathe, his body reacted roughly to the lack of oxygen and started moving his hand uncontrollably

you were beside him scared and paralyzed, watching how the life drained slowly from him

after what seemed to be like a few minutes, he stopped moving

he gasped loudly as he remembered everything; his name, his friends, his origins, his house, his cats, his crown, his husband, l'manberg, his memory book, you.

after that, he whispered his last words:

"(y/n)?"

and boom, he was gone.

gone from this world, forever.

you shaked him in horror, screaming his name multiple times as you cried.

your best friend was gone, and you couldn't do anything about it

so i guess this is it, huh?

✦ - AFTER RANBOO // BONUS

you hosted his funeral and everyone except dream was invited

everyone cried for him, they felt guilty as no one except you were there for him when he most needed it

tubbo was heartbroken, he was in denial and left the funeral early, probably gone to spend time with michael, his son

after that, everyone went home and you noticed that a strange book was lying in your house's entrance

you went to inspect what was it and noticed the book was dusty so you cleaned it to read what the title was

the title was 'DO NOT READ'', you recognized that book as ranboo's memory book

you gasped and stormed inside the house to read it

you sat on a couch and flipped the first page, reading carefully every single page and making sure you didn't skip anything

while you were reading, a small note was found in one of the pages and you started reading it, noticing that his handwriting was more messy than usual

it read: "Hello, if you're reading this then this is embarrassing. I wanted to write out my feelings in this small note because I was scared to talk out this with (Y/N). The thing is: I'm scared. I've been losing my memories and it's scary, I'm scared of forgetting who am I or who are my friends, I don't want to lose them. I know I promised Tubbo and Michael that I would protect them, but I'm not sure if I can keep that promise anymore. Tubbo if you're reading this, I'm sorry, for everything. Things seem to go downhill everytime I forget about things, even if they're just small things like forgetting where is my crown, and I'm scared that I will eventually forget who are my friends. I don't want to lose (Y/N), they're my best friend and I'm not ready to lose them yet. I know it sounds stupid but I just wanted to write about how I feel, goodbye forever Memory Book."

oh no, you were sobbing again.

"why didn't you tell me sooner, ranboo?"

"why?"

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

IT'S FINISHED, FINALLYYyyY Yy YY yes i love angst i love making people suffer

ANYWAYS thank you if you readed all of that shit, also big thanks to my friend moony for helping me with the grammar since i don't do english

moony if you're seeing this i love you /p

ANYWAYS THANK YOU ALL FOR THE SUPPORT!! I REALLY APPRECIATE IT!!!!!!

[wolvesandpetals]

Loki x Sylvie Post-Finale Fanfiction (Angst, Rated Teen) Part 2 of 2

Part 1 is here:

She never knew it would hurt this much when the person she loves is right in front of her, but she can't reach out and touch him; when she is still her, he is still him, but everything else has changed, like an invisible lever in an old theatre changing the scenery in the background, bringing them both to the part of the play where they are hopelessly lost.

[[MORE]]

All it took was one single moment, one single decision, and everything feels irrevocably broken now. It makes her contemplate on the true nature of relationships, how fragile they are, and how easy it is to shatter them- and her.

The smoke is slowly clearing, and all that seems to be left is a man who is doing his best to keep his distance from her, physically and emotionally.

She can tell from the way he stands with his arms crossed, or his fists clenced when his hands are by his side, that he really doesn't want to hold her hand. How can something so simple as the touch of his fingers be so vital to her existence that it feels like something has been ripped out from inside her?

She wants to reach out and touch him, but she is scared that if he pulls away outright, any hope of reconciliation that she still has left will shatter into pieces.

And she really needs this hope. It's the only thing she still has left. It's the only thing that keeps her going.

---

He looks like a man with a mission.

They spent quite a long time together, running from the TVA, running towards the citadel at the end of time, hoping to achieve their goal of bringing down the one behind the curtains.

But that was her mission, and he was there for her. She was the one behind the wheels, he was the one keeping the sails afloat.

Now it's different. Now he has a defined goal, a glorious purpose.

She's seeing him in a whole new light now, and not just because he has switched to Asgardian leather and metal armors.

As far as she is concerned, she is better off doing it all alone. One woman army, nobody to get in her way, nobody to screw up her plans. Nobody to blame her if it all goes to shit.

Or so it was, until two months ago, when Mobius decided to enlist her help in fixing the multiversal madness.

She has never really worked with people before, and it's weird, to say the least. She never considered herself a team player, but she is finding herself hating the idea less and less lately.

And she swears it has nothing to do with him. Not the fact that they are working together, and seeing his face first thing in the morning brings her a sense of calm that she quite can't explain. Or the fact that their rooms are next to each other and it makes her feel secure enough to finally get some rest at nights. Or that this whole arrangement has kept them on talking terms, when they had gone their own separate ways otherwise.

Nothing to do with that at all.

---

Humans are stupid, and the biggest evidence of this is how they decided that two extremely powerful Gods skilled at magic, enchantment, and defeating an evil extra dimensional cloud that swallows everything it touches, should be delegated to the role of research. "You're clever. You're good at reading people. You can put yourselves in the shoes of the bad guys, no offense", they said, but really, what they meant was, "We can't trust you out in the field much." She knows it, he knows it. She just doesn't know why he's complying.

That's how they find themselves researching every single day.

She likes to think he's not the only reason why she's studying in the library instead of in the comfort of her room, but that'd be a lie.

At first, he chooses to sit at a separate table. But she keeps going over to his to "get his opinion" on something in the file she's reading, and finally, he gives in. Their current arrangement consists of him sitting in the chair in front of her, to the left, prim and proper, while she hoists her feet up on the table.

He falls asleep on the desk one night, face smacked against a file, the tiniest bit of drool forming at the corner of his mouth. It would be a hilarious sight, if her heart wasn't feeling what she can only describe as longing.

They should probably talk about it, like mature adults, but neither of them know how to do that.

All she can do right now is gather the courage to run her fingers through his hair. The touch is hesitant at first, as if one wrong move would make him wake up and push her back to square one. Slowly, she relaxes, letting her fingers dance on his scalp.

He stirs in his sleep. "Please Sif. I'm sorry. Don't cut off my glorious locks, please."

Now this is a story she must hear when things are better.

If things are better.

---

Doctor Strange joins them very briefly, very rarely, but the tension between him and Loki is hard to miss. It's worse than the current situation with her, and that's saying something.

"You don't really like Stephen, do you?"

Something inside him seems to shift, but he masks it behind a non-chalant look immediately and just arches an eyebrow at her. "He's Stephen now, is he?"

"Well, that is his name." She shrugs. "What do you call him?"

"Strange", he spits the word out with an amount of irritation that indicates there definitely is a story there. "That is his name", he mimics.

She can't help the smirk that spreads across her lips. "What did he do to you?"

"Nothing", he lies, ignoring the horrifying flashbacks of thirty minutes of endless falling. Not a single soul must ever know a mere human got the best of him. "What can he do to me? I'm a God among those mortals. He just irks me because he is so pompous, and arrogant, and he ceaselessly uses magic to toy with others."

She pretends to think deeply. "Now where have I seen that before?"

He scoffs. "You mock me, but I am nothing like him. For one, I am not rude."

"He seems fine to me", she declares decisively.

It's the first time in months that he gives her a cheeky grin. "That's because you're rude too."

---

They are still just containing the threats to their world, instead of finding a way to fortify the barriers between worlds and stop the threats from coming.

"Shouldn't we have a plan to seal off the other worlds from ours?" She asks him one day.

"They are working on it." He tells her, and then with a look of worry, adds, "I hope."

There are debates on what to do at the Avengers tower and at the TVA. Nobody seems to agree on what the best course of action is, but everyone seems to be following the general instructions of Doctor Strange.

During one such meeting, a Minuteman makes the mistake of voicing out loud how she wondered if things would be better if they were running according to their old boss's plans.

Sylvie feels the guilt wash over her once more.

"No", Loki tells them all firmly. The determination in his voice takes her completely by surprise. "Evil is evil. Lesser, greater, middling, makes no difference. The degree is arbitrary. The definition’s blurred." She catches him steal a glance at her direction. "We couldn't have left a dictator in charge just because it's convenient. Listen, I'm the bad guy. I've done horrible, unspeakable things. I thought humans needed to be ruled. I wanted to rule. But even I know that it's not right to take away a person's life completely. These are innocent people. You are innocent people. You have families back home, parents, children", a pause and a softening of his features, "-love. A whole past, a whole future. That man had no right to take it away from you."

His powers of persuasion are foreign to her, and it's mesmerizing to watch. Her enchantments cannot hold a candle to how he is able to just talk people into doing what he wants, thinking what he thinks, seeing what he sees.

"He who remains had a plan. One, singular plan, from one, singular man." There is absolute conviction in his voice. "It's not the only way. We'll find another way. A better way."

She has never known what it is like to have someone see you for who you are- broken and flawed, and defend you- even your well-intentioned actions that yielded different results than what you expected and hurt them in the process. She suspects it has been the same for him, a lifetime of not having anyone have his back.

The warm feeling inside her is brand new. What is the name of this? Comfort? Relief?

Happiness?

---

This will be their first time out in the field in a long time, and she feels a little sick to the stomach.

He notices. "Are you alright?"

The concern in his voice tugs at her heartstrings. She nods. She has faced way worse, she shouldn't be so nervous about this, but she is. "I've never done this before."

"We can always just kill him and blame it on the Chitauris", he suggests with a serious face.

"I heard that", Peter yells from the other room, where he is doing whatever it is that teenagers do to prepare for battle.

She shakes her head in disbelief. "I can't believe we're babysitting."

"I've done this before", he assures her, and it surprises her to picture him being entrusted with such a serious task. "The trick is to conjure up illusions that keep them distracted enough to not cry."

She laughs. "You're thinking of infants. This one is a little older."

"I'm over a thousand years old, Sylvie. They're all infants to me."

Peter joins them, mask covering his face so that he doesn't reveal his identity. "So what do I call you? Loki and Loki? That's confusing. How about Loki and Lady Loki? Or is that offensive? I'm not suggesting women are inferior, because they're absolutely not..."

"Does he come with an off switch?" She whispers in horror as Peter rambles on.

Loki grins. With one wave of his hand and a flash of green, Peter's own webbing shoots out and seals his mouth shut.

---

Things are fine but not fine at the same time. He's right there beside her, but not there at all. They have their banters, they have their stolen glances, but they haven't had a meaningful conversation since that first day when she got back. She's been putting it off for a long time, but she knows they really do need to have the talk.

She corners him in his room one evening while he's tinkering with a temporal collar. She takes a seat in the chair next to his bed and rests her hand on the table, leaning her head against her palm, before switching position and crossing her arms and legs. Everything about her posture screams uneasiness. If he notices- he probably does- he doesn't say anything.

"You defended me that day."

He briefly looks up from the task at hand and gives her a soft smile. "Of course."

She blinks. "I don't understand." Her hands involuntary rise up to rub her temples. "If you can justify my actions to them, then how can you still be mad at me?"

"I'm not mad at you", he says without missing a beat.

"Rubbish", her words come out angrier than she intended. This frustration is the result of the months of status quo they have had. She has to know now, one way or the other. "You're distant. You're guarded", she accuses. Then her voice breaks, as she feels a part of her break all over again with her next words. "You don't hold my hand. Why? Tell me."

He abandons the collar and focuses his full attention on her. Staring straight into her eyes, he answers her. "You know why."

"I wouldn't be asking if I did. Look, if it's because I chose the mission over you-"

"-Of course it's not that." He says decisively. Then a sad smile clouds his face. It's the same look he had when she accused him of conning her to gain the throne. "Do you think I'm the type of man who would want a woman to abandon her life-long ambitions just because she has met someone?"

She knows he isn't. But it still doesn't answer why he is so cross with her. "What is it then?"

He pauses for a moment, trying to decide whether he wants to bare his soul out to her once more or not. There are two ways he can go from here- choose to not let her in again and save himself from the hurt, or trust her again and open himself up to potential pain.

Who is he kidding? Pushing her away- keeping her away- doesn't hurt any less.

There were a thousand things that had to go wrong to bring two Lokis from two universes together. A connection like that, it doesn't just happen.

And it doesn't just go away. The pain is constant, it's a part of him, pounding like a second heart every second he has to stop himself from reaching out for her hand.

This has to come to an end.

He takes in a deep breath, bracing himself. "You didn't have to send me away, Sylvie. I wanted to stop you from making the same mistakes I did. But in the end, I didn't care what you chose. I just wanted us to do it together."

She never even imagined this could be the reason for his hurt. All these months spent thinking he hates her for her choices, and now it turns out he is hurt simply because she chose to do it alone? "I'm sorry." She says sincerely. "I just wanted you to be safe."

"And I just wanted to be there with you till the end." He confesses. His eyes shimmer with the emotions he has kept bottled in for so long. "You go, I go."

She doesn't know what to say to that. She has never been good at articulating her feelings. Tears stream down her cheeks at the realisation that even after everything, he is still there for her.

She didn't cry even back at Lamentis when they thought they were going to die. She doesn't let anyone see her cry when she is sad or scared. That's all she has known her whole life. She's used to it by now.

This is new. These are tears of relief. Comfort.

Happiness.

Tentatively, she crosses over to the bed and sits by his side.

It's quiet for a few minutes. But unlike the months of tension so thick she could cut it into splices with her daggers, this is comfortable silence. The kind they had before it all went wrong.

"Did you even miss me?" He whispers.

"What kind of silly question is that? Of course I did." Her shaking hands grab his, and oh how she missed this.

He intertwines their fingers. His eyes draw closed. Bliss. That's the only word for this feeling.

He opens his eyes again and studies her. She's staring back at him, teary-eyed, but with a hopeful smile. "Really? Because you have a really unique way of showing it. You didn't even come looking for me."

"I didn't know how to face you", she tells him honestly. No tricks, no enchantment, no treachery. Not with him. "I didn't know if you even wanted to see me." Her voice grows quieter, dropping to a timbre that perfectly encapsulates her deepest fear. "I thought you hated me."

"Hate you?" He is shocked that she thinks that is even possible, specially after seeing him these last few months. "Sylvie, I'm working with the Avengers. The Avengers. Do you know how much I hate them? They are my nemesis. They're self-righteous, condescending, and so completely dull. Every second with them makes me want to rip their hearts out. Why do you think I'm here with them?"

She thinks she knows. But she needs to hear it anyway.

"It's because of you." He lays it all out on the table. All cards on deck, win or lose. "You've been running away. I have been the one who has been here, trying to hold down the fort, working to fix everything. Because that is what one does when one loves-"

Shit. The word slips out before he realises it.

Their eyes go wide in unison.

"Sylvie, I-"

"-Don't you dare take it back now." She warns him. "I-" She doesn't know how to say it either. They make such a great pair, both equally daft at saying how they feel, like they are teenagers, not Gods who have lived for centuries. "I've been running because I didn't think I could bear the burden of knowing I found you and then I lost you. I don't want to lose you. Not now, not ever."

He kisses the back of her hand, before letting it go. He cups her face, gently caressing her cheeks with his thumbs. "I don't want to lose you either."

She leans in closer, until their foreheads touch. She can feel his breath on her face, warm and soft. That is exactly how she feels inside. "You won't", she promises. "You go, I go."

---

(Quote on Lesser Evil from The Witcher. Thanks for reading!!)

[webofstories]

Never Hurt You - T.H *TW and Fluff*

~

Summary: Y/N was in an abusive relationship before meeting Tom but never told him. When they get in a fight, Tom realizes that Y/N gets scared of him, and she has to tell him about her past.

~

Warnings: abuse, mentions of abuse, arguments, angst, scars, angry!Tom

~

They forgot how they got to this point. In the midst of the yelling and slamming of doors, they wouldn't be able to tell you what even started the argument.

Tom was convinced he did nothing wrong, and she was trying to explain her feelings. Neither of those things went together.

Tom started doubting whether anything he was saying was actually right or not... but something inside his thick skull just couldn't seem to be bothered to listen to a word she was saying.

"Tom, please!" Y/N yelled, exhausted from the fighting, "Can we just stop? I don't want to fight!"

Her stomach had been tied in knots, feeling like she was about to throw up. Tom was so angry, so frustrated... she didn't want the worst to happen.

"No, Y/N!" He yelled, making you flinch. You were scared, that instinct knowing that Tom wouldn't hurt you was out the door.

"You're being so fucking difficult and unfair about this. Why can't you just see that?!" He yelled once more.

You felt hot tears brimming in your eyes, refusing to allow your lip to quiver. You were scared for him to come closer, scared everytime he moved. Tom was so blinded with anger to notice that you flinched everytime he moved or raised a hand.

Your past relationship was so present in your mind that shooing the thoughts and trauma from it away wasn't possible. Your ex lover hurt you... badly.

Emotionally and physically, everything about this stupid argument with Tom was bringing you back to those times, making you want to cower in the corner.

"I-I'm sorry," your yells had been dying down to mutters, done with the arguing, "I'm just going to go to bed..."

You didn't want to tell Tom about your previous relationship. It was trauma you haven't battled yet, let alone tell another living soul about it. The only people that knew were you, your ex, and the nurse that always helped you when he was done cracking your ribs and . The thought was terrifying.

"No, don't you walk away from me!" He says through gritted teeth, grabbing your arm as you turned your back to him.

You feet couldn't turn around quick enough before he grabbed your arm, not missing a beat as he pulled you into his chest. He rage in his eyes- it was terrifying.

"Don't turn your back on me!" he yells in your face, making you want to do nothing more than disappear.

He back handed you hard enough to fall to the floor, making the side of your face throb. Your heart was racing, you couldn't be anymore aware of his every little movement.

"Please!" You screamed pleadingly, holding your hands out infront of you as if it would stop him, "P-Please, I'm sorry!"

He rolled his eyes, acting like he was going to walk away and just leave you there. Relief washed over you for a second, but quickly crashed down as his boot collided with your stomach, kicking your back into the coffee table.

"You're pathetic."

You screamed and dropped your entire body to the floor, your hands infront of yourself as you hid your face away from Tom's view. Your flashback made your skin crawl and it all felt too real. You're tears were pouring down your face- this wasn't happening.

"I'm sorry!" You quickly yelled, not even knowing what you were apologizing for, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please don't..."

Your voice trailed off as you broke down into tears on the floor. Tom stood there infront of you, absolutely stunned.

His heart was beating out of control out of the hour long argument and concern for you in this moment. As he looked over your body, it just screamed defense. Like someone was about to beat the crap out of you.

The sound of her tears made his heart stop. He couldn't take it- how did he miss all the signs? He didn't realize he noticed her flinching, her eyes tearing up, and her feet shuffling her further and further away from him as he yelled.

Those were all signs and he ignored them because he was angry? He hated himself.

He didn't know what to do, let alone how to fix this. He was so in shock that it took him a minute to clap back.

Eyes on you, he crouched down to your level, sticking his legs out infront of him as he sat on the floor next to you. You were backed up against the couch, and the sight made his heart hurt incredibly.

"Love?"

His voice was soft now, tender and sweet. You noticed, but felt so embarrassed. Your arms were wrapped around you now, scared to look up from your knees. He sounded like he put 2 and 2 together. You were scared.

"I'm sorry..." you whisper, your voice hoarse.

"You're not the one who should be apologizing." He whispers back, just wishing to see your pretty eyes, yet, he hated when they were filled with tears.

Tom had seen the scars on your body before. He never questioned them, but seeing as you never talked about your ex and you always flinched at a simple touch or movement of a hand, he always had a suspension that your ex hurt you. He didn't know just how badly.

"Those scars on your back..." Tom whispers, wishing he could hold you, "Did he do that?"

Your eyes met his at his word, his heart aching as he took in their red, puffy state. Your cheeks were tear stained and you were breathing heavily, your throat feeling dry. Tom hated himself for triggering this reaction out of you. He hated seeing you cry.

You nodded your head, answering his question without words. It was so hard to talk about. He deserved to know, but you didn't know what to say.

"But... why?" Tom didn't want to pester but he needed answers. He knew there was no excuse for hurting someone. "Who would want to hurt you?"

You felt like your throat was closing up on you. The saddest part was that he never had a reason for hurting you. It was all... natural to him.

"He never needed a reason," your voice croaked, shuffling your feet, "Not drugs, not alcohol, not a mental illness... it was just me."

"That's ridiculous, darling, don't tell yourself that," Tom said sternly, placing a soft hand on your knee, "There's no excuse for what he did. It was nothing that you did, it was his choice."

"But he always got so angry with me-"

"Y/N, listen to me." Tom scoots closer to you, placing you in his lap. It startled you, but he wraps his strong arms around you and you suddenly felt safe.

"Any guy that puts a hand on a woman or anyone else is a waste of creation. He deserves hell for what he's done to you, and there's no reason for him to even hurt a hair on your head." Tom speaks strongly, making you look him in the eye as his thumb caressed your arm.

"You get on everything single one of my nerves and I've never once thought about even flicking you, love. I'd never hurt you, never in a lifetime or more... it just makes me love you more. You mean too much to me to even think about it." he whispers shakily.

Tom had tears in his eyes, your sensitive boy. You smiled at him, tears on your lips as you wiped them away. You cupped Tom's face in your hands and brushed your small thumbs under his eyes gently, caressing the tears off his face. He smiled, leaning into your touch as he closed his eyes. He'd never hurt you.

"I believe you." You whisper, resting your forehead against his.

His hand rubbed your lower back gently, cupping your cheek oh-so-tenderly as he placed the lightest of kisses on your lips.

"I'm sorry for arguing with you and triggering that, pretty girl... I've been frustrated with work and shouldn't have taken it out on you. I'm sorry." Tom admits, guilt pinging his heart.

"It's okay," you chuckle a bit, kissing his forehead gently, "It takes two for an argument, so I'm sorry too."

Neither of you said anything else as Tom picked you up and carried you to the bed you shared. With whole hearted intentions, he removed all your clothes, which were tear stained. Lightly touching the scars on your back and stomach, he layed you down and peppered kisses on all of them.

He removed his clothes and slid into bed next to you, doing nothing but holding you close. Nothing else needed to be said, for everything happened that was supposed to happen.

Tom was happy that he knew about your past despite the pent up rage he had inside him for your ex. He'll learn to let it go.

With drooping eyes, you fell asleep with parted lips, facing Tom. He couldn't help but stare at what he had infront of him, letting out a sigh of content as he pulled you closer to his body.

He whispered one last thing before slipping into a peaceful sleep.

"I'd never hurt you..."

He never wanted to lose this.

~