#i've peaked in art this is as good as it gets i'm afraid

[doflamingowo]

meow

[000yul]

a friend asked for a quick and dirty TL of the new lunar new year official manhua oneshot (Let's Share a Meal Together) so i Tried★ it's a treat!! perfect for the new year

i forget how the siblings address each other in the official TL so i'm winging it here oops .: The movie has concluded, please leave in an orderly fashion. N: Ooh~ These two hours were well-spent. Even if they can't compare to me, this director's pretty promising. N: Hey! Watch where you're going! .: S-sorry…

N: Really now. … N: Feels like Lungmen's been more crowded than usual recently… N: Right! N: It's that time of year again.

(cover) Siblings though they may be, their tastes have nothing in common.

N: So… N: I'm thinking we should have a family dinner for New Year's Eve. CY: I don't know where you got this idea, CY: but that's fine by me.

CY: I don't think you'll find the others as easy to convince though. CY: Ling's such a free spirit you might find it hard to see her in time, let alone Dusk. CY: You don't get along with Dusk. Didn't you guys get into a fight over the bowl of noodles you cooked for her before? N: Bro, aren't you tired? (I know I am, just from watching…) CY: If you persevere every day, you wouldn't tire from something like this. CY: Nian, you should also exercise. Then in daily life, you'll… N: When it comes to martial arts, I'm pretty sure you have everyone in Great Yan beat. CY: Haha, you speak too highly. Even if that were true, if I let my guard down, in forty years there might be someone who can defeat me. N: It's just forty years. With a mortal lifespan, how many people are going to be able to match your years of practice?

CY: It's precisely because their lives are so short compared to ours CY: that the rate of their progress is beyond our imagination. CY: That's why I believe it's all the more important for us to spend time bettering ourselves. CY: Nian, if you feel like you have too much free time, how about I draw you up a training regimen… N: Wow, look at the time, I'm going to miss the next bus. N: I've rented a place in Lungmen, the address is as I said, don't be late, byee! CY: Sigh… This child is as impatient as ever…

Shangshu City N: Well, I've reached this pavilion… N: Why do all these peaks look the same… (bottle of booze) N: … N: She's not taking the bait, is she… N: (Last time Ling showed up for Second Brother's cup…) N: (I guess this doesn't compare…)

N: Open sesame, spin the bottle, whee! L: (I really don't want to show myself.) N: BOSS! GET OUT HERE, I WANT A REFUND! .: Ah…? N: YOU TOLD ME THIS WAS SO GOOD IT COULD TEMPT AN IMMORTAL TO DESCEND! N: THIS USELESS-ASS—

N: piece of… N: When did you get here? L: I've been sitting here for a while now. N: How did you know I'd be here today? L: It came to me in a dream, let's say. N: (here's a souvenir cup I got you.)

L: So what winds called you here from far away? L … I see, so you wanted to call us together for New Year's Eve dinner. L: I'm not against this on principle, but I'm afraid I can't make it that day. N: Why? L: A prior appointment.

L: Ten years ago I asked someone to brew some wine for me, and I'm due to pick it up this year, on the 30th. L: The flavour won't be right if I'm even a day early, L: and after the 30th, they're going to close for the New Year. L: It's true that this time is a big occasion for the people of Great Yan. It's a once-a-year occasion, after all. L: But that has nothing to do with us. L: Let's do it another day. N: You'll regret not having a taste of my homemade hotpot!! L: (Does she think that's a selling point…) L: It looks like little sister Dusk has a storm coming her way…

D: Who goes there? D: NIAN! IF YOU WANT TO DIE I CAN OBLIGE!!

D: You vandalised my art for THIS? N: Wow, the face you're making is ugly as hell. D: I'm not going. D: I can't believe you ever thought me saying yes was a possibility. N: You'll regret not having a taste of my homemade hotpot!! D: Do you think that's a selling point!? N: Oh, right! There's a hot new artist's exhibition in Lungmen. I went to see it and it's pretty good! Aren't you interested? D: If you like it, I definitely won't!

D: I have no interest in the artwork of others. D: Also, if you want a reunion so badly, D: one day we'll all reunite no matter how we feel about it. No? N: Again with that tired old crap.

N: One day, N: I'll make it so that you never say that again. D: Hmph. D: Get lost.

N: Oh man, in the end only you showed up. CY: Haha, well, I hope I suffice. CY: I sent word to the Sui Regulator. N: Ah! CY: I knew it'd slip your mind. N: Man! None of them can commit worth a damn!

N: Will there ever be a time where we can just go somewhere together for a day? N: Like normal people, N: Like a normal family.

L: Ahh~ L: Looks like I'm out of wine L: I should seek out more… D: What a pain. D: I should knock some sense into her.

CY: Nian, CY: Let's get a hotpot with a divider. For spicy and non-spicy. N: Were you even listening? N: No. N: Absolutely not. N: Nooooooooo.

N: Bro! I thought you could handle spice! CY: Alright, now that the shopping is wrapped up, let's head back. N: Why'd you insist on the split hotpot..! N: Brother!! CY: I just think being prepared is a good thing. (Also, I'm not as good with spice as you are.) CY: And, CY: It's not just humans who are capable of change. D: Open up, it's too cold out. D: Idiot. CY: See.

D: What? Your staring is making me lose my appetite. N: Hehe, N: Doesn't the real thing taste better than ink? D: Hmph. Whatever. N: Whoa, it started!

N: I was part of the prep for this year's fireworks show in Lungmen! N: Check out my Super Deluxe Two-Step Firecracker! D: So.. the reason you picked Lungmen was…? L: Alright, alright. L: Dusk, L: It's okay. Open your eyes and see.

N?: It's over. N: It'd be nice if more of us showed up next year. CY: Any more of us and the Sui Regulator is going to start raising a fuss. L: True~ D: I'll skip next time. N: We had such a nice mood going on, couldn't you guys at least try to not kill it? L: Yes, this is nice once in a while.

D: There's nothing special about playing house. CY: Even playing house is nice sometimes. CY: That's why we've gathered here today. CY: Happy new year. L: Happy new year~ N: Happy new year! D: … Happy new year.

N: Alright, we've mostly cleaned our plates and eaten and drunk our fill. N: That leaves one last question. N: Who's doing the dishes? N: Hey, now you're all quiet? N: Hey!!

[artdcnaldson]

I had a hard time warming up to Tashi as well. But honestly, the more attention I pay to her, the more I feel for her. As a girl who had been really into dancing for so long and then chose to end it all (my decision, not an injury but you get me), it genuinely pains me. I know I could continue dancing, if only there were more open classes and I had some more time for it, but at this point, I simply really can't.

For that, I totally get Tashi. The fact that the only thing she really loved was ripped away from her and she didn't even have the choice to willingly retire. That's what hurts the most, in my mind. It's possible that would have retired after becoming pregnant and while that would hurt it would be a conscious choice. That is what gained the most of my sympathy, because I vividly rememeber crying the night before my first big performance because I had tonsillitis and was so afraid I couldn't perform (luckily, I made it).

Perhaps Tashi wasn't always the kindest and, again, I totally get her. The feeling of putting so much effort and energy into something, preparing for months/years and really giving it your whole life and then all of it suddenly evaporating? Not only was your effort completely pointless but you won't be able to satisfy any more people (my case) and disappoint everyone who bought the tickets just to see you. Your life is suddenly empty and you simply have nothing.

It's obvious Tashi tried to project her loss onto Art, and he loved her so deeply to allow her to do so. Honestly, if I found someone who's in any way associated with theatre, I'd probably beg them on my knees to take every role possible so I could visit them at the theatre, perhaps help backstage and just be close to it.

And then when someone is able to offer you something more (in my pov, Patrick was a better player than Art, and Tashi saw that, so the moment she slept with him in his car, she was subconsciously hoping to get even closer to the peak of tennis), you simply take it. I don't really wanna excuse her chest in, but honestly, I get her.

Omg I really wrote a lot haha I'm sorry for being annoying but I've developed a parasocial relationship with your account and now am using you as my diary. 😔😔😔

No omg I love you I love your mind <3

but yeah that’s what is so upsetting about Tashi’s story— it’s like. IS this what she wanted for herself? Even if her life is good, and she loves her daughter, and she loves art and is proud of him, it’s never the life she wanted. She has to wake up and essentially level that loss of her career, mourn a life and experience that never happened, that she couldn’t possibly know how it would go or end, yk?

[crownmemes]

Twin Peaks Sentences, Vol. 3

(Sentences from Twin Peaks (1990-1991, 2017). Adjust phrasing where needed)

"We can't let personal feelings interfere with our work."

"I wanted so much to be like you..."

"Have you ever experienced absolute loss?"

"I doubt that any one of us is a stranger to grief."

"Do you approve of murder?"

"I think we're at the point where it would be healthier for everyone if you got whatever was bothering you out in the open."

"I'll advise you to keep your eye on the woods. The woods are wondrous here, but strange."

"Do you know what the ultimate secret is?"

"I want to try to make the way my heart feels last forever."

"Do not play games with me."

"Two and two do not always equal four."

"It's best if you forget about me."

"Stop staring at me like I'm a dog biscuit!"

"All I ever really wanted was for him to love me."

"Can't you ever say anything nice?"

"Nothing I do is ever good enough for you."

"Do you want me to beg? Because I'll beg!"

"There are things dark and heinous in the world. Things too horrible to tell our children."

"So this is it? You save my life and then break my heart?"

"Someone must have hurt you once real badly."

"You know, there's only one problem with you: you're perfect."

"You're up to something, but I'm sure that's none of my business."

"As usual, you're overreacting."

"I've been trying very hard recently to get more in touch with my feelings."

"I know what it's like to be alone."

"You're afraid of him, aren't you?"

"I did good, didn't I?"

"I'm living my life, I just don't like it very much."

"Are you familiar with Project Blue Book?"

"Is my death so important to you?"

"Your mind is like a diamond. It's cold, and hard, and brilliant."

"I love you. I've never said that before to anybody in my life. I love you."

"Careful. I'm not sure I can tolerate a nervous co-conspirator."

"Replacing the quiet elegance of the dark suit and tie with the casual indifference of these muted earth tones is a form of fashion suicide."

"Men of business frequently find their personal lives disrupted by the larger portraits they paint."

"When you had him killed, was it for art or money?"

"What did you expect? An apology? A hidden heart of gold?"

"If he wanted to kill me, I'd already be dead."

"You two bring out the worst in each other."

"I'm home! Did you miss me?"

"What happened? Did you get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?"

"I hated you at first, of course."

"I wouldn't blame you if you hated me."

"We're all familiar with betrayal."

[billyboyblue]

Hi, hello.

You've made the mistake to use tags and I read tags and now I'm here

I'm asking questions. What are we thinking? How unwell do we feel when we see this shooting (personally pretty unwell but it hurts so good)? Prayer circle? Manifesting ritual? What will it be?

You know that Pete Holmes skit that's like, I don't wanna fuck him. That's not enough. That's only a little piece of me inside him. I want to get all up in there and wear him like a puppet. That's how I feel about this man but in a scale that covers everything.

It's about his commitment to be really good at his job and his way of constantly improving and learning and implementing his skills in new and interesting ways. It's his openness to criticism and self awareness that he lives a ridiculous life and uses that absurdity to push past the limits in creativity the comfort of practice and success can make. Stagnation is an antithesis of art and what I've never been, with Jake's work, is bored. He's wonderfully exploratory with roles without seeming like its stunt pieces meant to draw attention for attention's sake.

He's doing Othello with Denzel Washington, who is in my opinion the single greatest actor we've ever seen, bar none go talk to your mama about it, and that's like i think going to be his lifetime performance for himself. To do Shakespeare, contrary to popular belief, is insanity when it comes to performing it well. There's entire universities dedicated to nothing but Shakespeare so to have that under his belt is going to be incredible. He's not afraid of playing a spectrum of characters, and he doesn't mind commiting body and soul to his work.

This quote from the interview today made me all gushy because it's such a small insignificant thing but it's so insightful and about my husband Billy. Fuck me up, this can't keep hitting me over and over again. Billlllly!! Baby it's okay!! Oh God.

-"He has used his blindness sometimes to help him as an actor — when he was shooting a difficult scene in the 2015 boxing movie Southpaw, one in which police tell his character that his wife has died, Gyllenhaal removed his contacts to force himself to listen more closely."

I'll suggest some of my favorite essays on his movies!

Analyzing Evil: Lou Bloom || The Vile Eye

Nightcrawler || Spikima Movies

What makes nightcrawler's Lou Bloom so terrifying? || Nerdstalgic

Why Jake Gyllenhaal is the Bravest Actor of Our Generation || Du Cinema

Jake Gyllenhaal and the Elusive Oscar || The Awards Contender

Now the last two are a little dramatic on the titles but overall they give a great peak into his career and do his justice. This kind of reputation isn't just handed out, the only other Oscar nominees of this caliber without a win were like Leonardo DiCaprio and Amy Adams. It's huge. But I'll definitely keep singing his works' praise. His fandom is so committed and that's what makes it fun. I'm so new here I still find bits and pieces in every movie that others have found and talked about and gushed over but I'm gonna say it again! Lolol.

And if you're looking for a wonderful lil video on our king Denzel, Our Greatest Living Movie Star || Scene it is the one. Thanks so much for enabling me 😘🫴💕.

[muppet-chaos]

❤️,🎁, 📚, 💌? (as many or few as u wanna answer!)

❤️ Picking a specific line that stands out is hard. When I'm picturing my favorite parts I tend to stop breaking stuff down at scenes but the first thing that came to mind was from Not The Type To Ever Heal:

The other Michael let out a chuckle, deranged, afraid, and said, “God. I think that’s, I think I can feel your diaphragm moving, when you do that. I think that’s what that is.”

I, really love writing horror and gore and I think this moment was the peak of the horror in this fic. It got a lot of fun reactions from people too.

🎁Most of my wips rn are still in the plot bunny stage but here's a little thing I never finished from Mike4Mike month that hopefully I'll get back to eventually. I really love Ace from @solipsistful's Daemon AU for WOE.BEGONE so this was an attempt at writing something in that setting.

Something was off about Mdawg’s daemon. (Mikey had asked for his name and then immediately sworn to himself that he would forget it, it was exactly as atrocious as he should have expected from the people who happily went along with the names Mdawg and Edman. He’d accepted the name Mdawg but poor Androclese didn’t deserve to get dragged through the mud alongside him.) It wasn’t the stupid little Hawaiian shirt that Mdawg had dressed him up in. He’d gotten used to that sort of nonsense after he had to live with Michael. (And he would never admit it but it was kind of cute.)

📚 Oh god uhhh, there are so many good writers in this fandom it's genuinely difficult to choose just one or two people to recommend. @hyperfocusedcloneshipper obviously goes without saying but I'm gonna take this chance to hype up some of their fics that they don't talk about as much.

This Art Is Worth It is a Ryan/Topher/Eagle fic they wrote for our birthday last year and it is, just, insanely good. They captured all of the best things about these characters. This description is not doing it justice but if you have any interest in this kind of horny gorey goodness and you haven't read it yet please do.

Making up for lost time (non-con warning) is one of their other very few one-shot works from Mike4Mike month and its, incredibly impressive the amount of intense emotion that is packed into such a short work. I am always in awe of how they write Edgar.

I also want to take this chance to rec ProbablyNotSafeForWork they have, a ton of amazing fics (written in a surprisingly short time). Some of my favs are Of Cowboys and Princesses, a Michael/Boris feminization fic I've read a frankly absurd amount of times, and Trust is Earned, Not Given from the latest flood of a/b/o stuff in the tag.

💌 I'm not sure this is a trope exactly but I'm a sucker for 5+1 style fics, and other similar stuff. I only have the one fic strictly in that form but I have several out or in the works that are that sort of, loosely connected incidents building up to a final moment style and I just think it's a very fun format to write.

[anjumbai]

ADVENTURE TIME - Raise The Sword

"Changing is our normal state. Even if we're not changing on the outside we're changing on the inside constantly. There's some stuff about me that I've been ignoring for a long time. I'm afraid of that stuff. But it's part of who I am. As long as I know the shape of my soul, I'll be alright."

I'm glad this show was a part of my life. It really felt like I finished an unfinished chapter of my childhood. The show felt so surreal to little me. People made out of fire falling in love with people with flesh and bones, stretchy dog, talking computers, candy people, vampires, surreal magic, princess kidnappers- how was this show even allowed to be made. Cartoon Network never followed a proper sequence, little me thought. But I'm sure I couldn't even tell in my late teens which episode comes after the other. The show is absolutely banging with creativity, chaos and absolute mind bogglers. That's Adventure Time. A story of change and acceptance through hilarious mind bogglers and moments of absolute chaos.

I'm still heartbroken knowing that the show got cancelled and they had to rush the ending- leaving so many plotholes unexplored. They had this amazing setup, amazing build up that I'm absolutely sure they'd wrap up in a satisfying way but yes, acceptance. Happens. 10 whole seasons. Love poured in animation and story writing. The heart put in some of these episodes make you emotional. Episodes like The Bucket, Escape from Citadel, Breezy are absolute peaks of character development and story telling.

You can't forget these characters. Characters who got a millisecond worth of screen time are brought back, implemented into the story and wrapped up beautifully. James Backster comes to mind immediately when I say this. My favorite character turned out to be BMO and Finn after all.

I loved every second of Finn's character arc. Starting as an ingenuous hero of 13, beating up monsters with his best friend and brother, Jake- going on adventures with not a thought of the world. "I'll kill it, if it's evil." It was naive and fun to watch. But I love that the show went down a path to actually convince the viewers that childlike creativity isn't the only thing they have. One after another Finn is thrown into difficulties in life. How does our child hero react? He reacts in a very human way, like all of us. He's heartbroken, sometimes disheartened, hopeless and even obsessive. But in the end, he has a good heart. A really kind heart, capable of making bad decisions too. He's Finn the Human. What he solved with fists now he solves with understanding and care. The whole arc with FP, finding out his Father doesn't care for him anymore, losing his arm, fighting his abandonment issues head on, Fern- all of it is just absolutely beautiful. Who knew I'd get fond of a cartoon character whose face you can draw with 5 pencil strokes.

Finn and Jake's brotherly bond is something that brings me peace. This show put something so important yet neglected as a centerpiece of the show - platonic love. How beautiful is it to just care for a person and cherishing the bond you have. I love how happy this show has made me feel. I'm smiling even when I'm writing this. I'm sad that the show was over. I'm sad that it wasn't wrapped up properly the way it deserved to be and instead they just had to work with the constraints some higher up official put on them. But, I'm happy.

I was just watching old clips of Adventure Time, and I was in awe how much Finn's voice had changed. He's 13 when the show airs and 17 by the time it ends. The show really let him grow with the people around him instead of keeping him stuck in a certain age to please some part of the major audience. I'm glad they chose to tell a story.

Marceline's songs, Time Adventure, Come along with me will ring something in me every time I hear a glimpse of them. The old Tree House art in my desk will remind me of all the memories it holds. I still find it absurd how fictional characters can affect you in such a surreal way. Like they don't even exist. Why do you guys even have a long lasting effect?

When I was watching AT, I made a list of all the episodes I loved. I finished an amazing episode and I noted it down. I looked back on that list and I'm glad I can't remember what half of them portrayed. I can dive right back in with hopes and excitement. I hope it stays right where I left it.

[milkywaygg]

Writing Project Updates:

I'll hopefully post another chapter of The Cosmas within the next few days or so. I've been having a bit of a art block regarding that project, so any idea would be appreciated!

Also was wondering if anyone would be interested in a small one-shot of Cosmo reflecting on his alcohol problems after his divorce and Nora's death. I think it could be good for a redemption story in a sense, if that makes any sense lol.

Finally, here's a bit of a sneak peak for the story I'm working on for Eripops for his kindness <3. Hopefully the full chapter will be out soon. I wanted to finish it tonight but I've gotten tired and need to be at work at 9 my time.

What in the world was going on? Euphemia was always on top of the bills! Ever since moving from high-class to lower middle class after their engagement, Euphemia absolutely HATED incurring late fees, because she often could barely afford to pay the bill in full, and she DESPIESD asking Jules for financial help, because he would hear often about how “worthless of a wife I would be if I made you pay for things”; that mentality Jules could never fully understand.

Maybe it was just how she was raised, but the one thing Jules didn’t care for in Euphemia was her tendency to micromanage him. It was like he was this fragile doll that she was afraid could break any minute or a child that could get lost if she’s not within sight. Jules was not a confrontational or bold and confident person by any means, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t take care of himself. If only Euphemia could understand that..

[fadebolt]

This blog is many months old by this point, and it seems like I'm slowly but surely being noticed by more and more people, sooooo I'm thinking a pinned post might be in order.

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~ Hello! Hi! Sup!

Welcome to my lil space!

Name's FadeBolt, but feel free to call me Fade. (Yes, that is the name of a DotA ability. No, I did have more creative name ideas, I just did stuff under this one, so I'm sticking with it)

~ I'm an anxious 21 year old Hungarian wreck that is currently doing college in the northern parts of this small hellhole in the middle of nowhere that we call Serbia.

~ I like to gush and ramble about media. I like to interact with media. I like to make stuff about media. I like to look at, and take part in stuff that other people make about media.

~ Most of this blog is about my hyperfixation that has lasted for almost two entire years by this point, which is, you guessed it - Rain World.

~ Obviously, I still like other stuff (most notably Warcraft 3, as well as League of Legends and its wonderful lore/universe), and I might make posts about them on some occasions, but they're not my main interests, and considering how much I've entrenched myself in the RW community, that likely won't change anytime soon.

~ I don't really have a central thing that I intended for this blog. It's just simply - if I get ideas and I like them enough, then I'll do them. And if I stumble into something that really peaked my interest, or if I feel like I could add something onto it, then I'm reblogging it. (Though I do have a bit of an anxiety over that, cus whenever I reblog something, I always feel bad for the stuff I didn't reblog, but I can't just keep reblogging everything all day every day, so I often end up not reblogging good stuff. Help me. Please xd)

~ But the main things that you can expect here are long writings about my opinions, (mostly) fun drawing, voiceovers, and occasional ramblings about stuff.

~ I want this to be abundantly clear - I really value constructive criticism, no matter how unsolicited it might be. So if I said something you don't agree with, made a mistake somewhere, or just have some general issues with my stuff, don't be afraid to point them out. (Just make sure that it is actually constructive. The goal here is to improve, but there's not really much I could take away from something like "Your art sucks" or "Your opinions are stupid", is there?)

~ Due to recent, uhm... let's just call them 'events', I want to note that online discussions around politics and stuff related to that makes me extremely stressed and uncomfortable, especially after seeing what Tumblr can do to people who said stuff most folks didn't like.

~ This doesn't mean I'm making a strict 'no politics' rule or anything, I'm just looking to minimalize that stuff, and preferably keep it in private 1 on 1 conversations where I won't feel like I'm being judged by hordes of onlookers. This applies to any other contentious topic, too.

~ Unlike a lot of folks, I will not be having a DNI list. I know that this sounds a bit weird, but I want this space to be nice and happy and welcoming, and I do believe that media should be used as a way to unite us in spite of our differences (so this idea of saying "If you have these political opinions I don't like, then GTFO!" just doesn't sit right with me, though I completely understand why some people do that).

I also believe that instead of locking out and trashing on people who said and did stuff we didn't like, we should instead try and help make them understand why that stuff is wrong, so they can learn and grow, because people can indeed change for the better, especially with how many young folks are roaming around on this website. I won't force any of you to hold yourselves to these ideals, but I will stay true to them myself.

~ With that being said: I am not tolerating problematic stuff or asshole behavior here. I'll be somewhat lenient on this, but "I want this space to be nice and happy and welcoming" will always take priority over avoiding being judgemental of others. Just please don't bother me with stuff that's obviously messed up, don't be a cunt, and don't send NSFW my way, that's all I'm asking.

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Aaaaaaaaand I think that's about all the important info for now. I might update this in the future, if need be.

Anyways, I'd like to quickly thank everyone who's ever supported me, taken part in positive interactions with me, or have even just quietly appreciated at least one little thing I have made/done at some point!

I was super scared that nobody's going to care even a little bit about anything I'll do, but I'm very thankful to have gotten proven wrong again and again and again by this wonderful community!

Have a wonderful day and night, everyone! Cheers! :D

[useless-bi-otch]

Cookies ‘n Cream - Chapter 2

Last chapter / MasterList / art by @aneenasevla

Chapter 2 - Sugar Shack

TIMELINE: This chapter takes place at the same time as Heavy Bakery's Chapter 18, under a different POV. You can read it here

“Tomori… take over, please, I have to go out.”

Uta Tomori, at the age of twenty-seven, had already seen and heard many absurd things. But few were as absurd to her ears as her boss and friend, Oomori Kanami, telling her that she needed to go out. Just like that, in the middle of the day, with the bakery full of customers. She blinks as she hands Tomoyo, the waitress, the order to be taken to table three.

“Where are you going, if I may…?” She asks quietly, a little worried. Her workaholic friend, deciding to leave the bakery in her care during peak hours, could hardly mean a good thing.

“Walk a little, get some air and water… I'll be back in an hour or two” She answers simply, leaving no room for her to ask questions. But Kanami could be a relatively easy person to read. And when she didn't see any clear signs of concern, or even that she wasn't feeling sick, she decided not to worry about it. If it was something serious, Kanny would tell her, wouldn't she? She tries to smile.

“Right” She nods, and soon the owner of the establishment leaves towards the locker rooms. She follows her with her eyes, still wondering why she left so suddenly, until she hears a chuckle that was very familiar to her. She turns and sees Hiro, the cashier, with a hand over his mouth, smiling like someone who knows some juicy gossip.

“What’s up with that face?”

"Trust me, honey" Hiro confides, leaning over the counter a little, arching an eyebrow "I've known that woman since high school. When she puts her work aside with these lame excuses, it's because she's going to do something that would make us tease the hell outta her. It must be something big, I tell ya."

"Jezz, Hiro..." Tomori rolls his eyes, smiling a little "It's just like you to wait for the boss to leave to start gossiping..."

"I'm not gossiping! I'm sharing and comparing information! My gosh, when the secret police do these things they are ‘serving the country’, but when I do it, it's gossip…”

Tomori laughs, but her laughter is cut short when the bell at the front door rings. She shakes her head, saying quietly: “Okay, there are more customers coming in, so at least try to pretend you're just a harmless cashier."

“I should be the one telling you that. Take a look at the specimens that just came in, but be discreet."

She quickly pretends to adjust the straps of her apron, glancing discreetly over her shoulder at the three men coming through the door. The one at the front was the smallest, with white hair and dark skin, while the other two right behind were huge, mountains of defined muscle being deliberately displayed through the tight T-shirts they wore. The one in the middle had his hair dyed blond, while the bald one at the back had to bend his head slightly, afraid of scraping it against the door frame. Hiro cracks a grim as he sees the assistant cook's expression change, the clear interest making her eyes twinkle. She even bites her lower lip, and he has to stop himself from laughing.

"We don't serve that kind of cake around here, am I right?"

“Hiro, they’re going to hear you…”

"They won't. Talk's over" He dismisses her with a wave of his hand "Get ready to serve them, I know you're dying to choose one among that fine selection of noble, beefy meats.”

"Shush!" she hisses, smoothing her hair and putting on her best smiling, friendly hostess persona, ignoring how Hiro continued to chuckle behind her. She waits for them to approach the counter, and ends up overhearing their conversation.

“So… Is it here?”

“Hhehehe, I liked the name. Mr. Yamashita has a really good eye…”

“This gives me a very different vibe from what I've seen… but it's not something I wouldn't consider welcoming. It's unusually fun.”

Tomori smiles, letting them enjoy all the charm that the Heavy Bakery had to offer; an establishment that seemed to have stopped in time, never abandoning all the laid-back style typical of the 50s, but still maintaining the cozy atmosphere that one would expect from a coffee shop.

Hopefully this means we're gaining three more loyal customers!

“Too bad Kaneda couldn't come. What did he have to do anyway?”

“He traveled to visit his family. A kind of tradition, I don't know…”

“So, are we going to stay here at the door and enjoy the view?” The light-haired one gets rid of the cigarette he had in his mouth as he takes the first step “we came to visit the bakery, right?”

“Heh, ok, let's go.”

Tomori sees that that was her cue. She looks sideways at Tomoyo, who had already finished serving the tables that were occupied, and the girl quickly gets the message, standing next to the counter with the same friendly pose and smile. She smiles approvingly. Kanami might as well offer her a full-time job after she graduated from high school, because she had a knack for the thing.

"Welcome!" She greets warmly as the men approach the counter, in that same single line formed in ascending order, with the white-haired one leading it. The blond in the middle notices her and widens his eyes a little, while the bald one hangs back, watching his surroundings with interest.

“So… is this Ms. Kanami's bakery? We were indicated by Mr. Yamashita…” The white-haired one explains, and Tomori nods, smiling solicitously.

“Yes, it is!”

“And you are Ms. Kanami?” 

“Oh no, Kana left for a few minutes, but she'll be back soon. I'm Uta Tomori, nice to meet you. You want something?”

“Yes, your number!”

Tomori blinks as the blond one practically pushes his exasperated friend aside, leaning over the counter with a smile he probably thought was charming. She feels her cheeks heat up, her shoulders tighten a little. She could already see that this one was going to be a piece of work…

“Eh, I meant food”

“If you want my numbeeeeer…” Hiro offered, then pouted when the blonde bulged his eyes and shook his head, looking almost scared. More relieved, she had to fight the urge to laugh. Hiro really knew how to rain on the parade of those macho flirts, even when that wasn't his intention.

“Sorry miss, my friend Rihito here doesn't know how to hold it” The white-haired one grumbles as he glares at that Rihito guy. Apparently that was a pretty common occurrence in that friend group  “let's look for an available table, right?”

“Okay…” The guy ends up shrugging, following his friend, and Tomoyo takes them to an empty table. Tomori follows them with eagle eyes. If this Rihito guy was the casanova type, she needed to make sure he didn't try anything funny with Tomoyo. She was only sixteen, for god's sake…

 “Oh, there’s donuts here, how nice!”

She jumps a little. The big bald man who was also part of the group had approached the counter without her noticing, studying the food display with an excited smile. She quickly straightens up, unconsciously studying the lines of those broad shoulders, and cursing herself in her thoughts when she feels Hiro's eyes on the back of her neck. The bald man continues, oblivious to her brief lapse: “Give me one with ruby ​​chocolate and sprinkles, like this one, please.”

“Yes, right away!” She smiles when he lifts his head to look her in the eyes “Do you want some drink…?” 

It was then that she got a good look at the bald man's face, for the first time since those three entered the bakery. And Tomori could almost feel her heart jumping into her throat, her eye sockets starting to hurt from the wideness of her eyes.

She knew that face. She had seen it countless times in sports magazines, newspaper covers, on television during press conferences... and also inside an octagon, sometimes bloodied, lit up with triumph as he showed the ecstatic audience his belt. And she would never know how she managed to stop herself from screaming for the entire bakery to hear.

“Wait… are you Okubo Naoya?” she asks, a voice somewhere in her brain telling her she was sounding like an idiot “The legendary MMA fighter?!”

He widens his eyes too, looking genuinely surprised. And then he smiles, scratching his head, even blushing a little “Ohh… so you know me…?”

“Of course I do! The King of Combat himself!” How the hell would she not know him? What kind of question was that? Good God, she was almost pinching herself all over to make sure she wasn't dreaming! “Can you give me an autograph?!”

“Watch out for her. She eats muscles for breakfast…”

“Hiro!” She turns to her co-worker, mortified, wanting to strangle him. How could he embarrass her right in front of one of the biggest names in today's martial arts leagues? Kanami was right, he really was Satan's spawn!

Okubo Naoya, on the other hand, seemed to take the comment as a joke. He chuckled, and at least to Tomori's reverent eyes, he looked genuinely happy.

 “Of course, I'll give you one. Rihito, Himuro, will you want anything to eat?” He turns to his friends, who were already seated at a table, to which the white-haired man (Himuro, apparently) raises a thumb, answering:

“We're choosing, thanks!”

Tomori felt like tap dancing. He accepted the affection of fans with so much composure, politeness...!

“Well, we also came to see Ms. Kanami” he says suddenly, turning to her... and yeah, the blush on his face has definitely intensified. She must have been staring at him like a lunatic, holy cow “Mr. Yamashita spoke well of her…”

She forces herself to return to her more professional persona. 

“Focus, girl, you're in the middle of your shift! You're about to get his autograph, don't go all fanatical and make him feel uncomfortable when all he wants to do is eat in peace with his friends! “

“Yeah, she'll come back later, but will come back” she tries to smile as she holds out her notebook to him “Will you want any drinks?”

“No, that's all, the request can be placed with the other two there on the table” He says as he quickly signs a sheet of the notebook, even adding a few flourishes, as if wanting to show off. He hands it back to her, smiling, even risking a wink "There you go."

Tomori feels like screaming. She could have passed out with happiness right there if her professionalism wasn't keeping both her feet on the ground. He turns away then, going to join his friends, and the cook feels very light-headed. As if she'd only just realized that she'd been holding her breath, her brain crying out for oxygen.

"Hiro…" She manages to pant "I- I need to…"

"Sure thing, girl", He understands at once, looking like he's having fun "Go to the back and have your nuclear fit of happiness. Just don't shout too loudly 'cause Paikon is sleeping. Again."

She doesn't even show that she'd heard him. She just shoots to the back of the bakery, the space where they kept the cleaning products and some disused boxes. She closes the door behind her and then lets herself slip into the world's quietest happiness fit, mouth open in a mute squeal, feet making squeaking sounds as they hit the floor in a mad tap dance, the notebook being pressed against her chest like a 100 million yen bank check. Paikon, the janitor, was dozing in a corner, hugging a broom, but woke up with a startle when she accidentally hit one of the shelves with a high knee kick.

"Wha...! For heaven's sake, girl!" He complains, grumpy, blushing when he realizes that he had clung to the broom as if it were his lover or something "Are you crazy? What's up with that ridiculous dance?"

"It's my ridiculous happy dance!" She declares, throwing her arms up and then doing a pirouette around herself, like a ballerina without coordination. The janitor blinks, still a little disoriented from sleep.

"Why? What happened? Will Ms. Oomori advance the monthly payment?"

"No!"

"So Hiro decided he's going to keep his promise to pay me the nightcap on the next trip to the bar, then?"

"Nope!"

"Eh, then I don't care..." He tries to go back to sleep, but she grabs his shoulders, shaking him, to which he exclaims:  "Tomori, no, you're gonna make me barf!”

“You wouldn't believe who's out there right now, eating at one of the tables!”

"Uh… who? The prime minister? Rie Fu? Eric Clapton? I will only find such a reaction appropriate if it is because of one of these three..."

"Okubo Naoya, Paikon!"

"... Who?"

"Oh, for goodness sake, you know who he is!" She shakes him again "The King of Combat! The Rocky of Osaka! First Japanese heavyweight fighter to become a MMA champion!"

He looked confused for two seconds, then widened his eyes, which were a little red, whether from sleep or drunkenness, she couldn't tell.

"Oooh, wait... that fighter who got backlash after saying some nonsense during a documentary?"

"It wasn't nonsense! He was more than right to criticize the defeatist attitude of the Japanese martial arts leagues!" She declares, clenching her fists "But nevermind, he's here! Here at the Heavy Bakery! Eating the donuts Kanny and I made! Donuts made by these little hands right here!"

"Easy there, Tomori, you're talking like one of those crazy fans who put strands of their own hair in the food they serve to their idols, or something like that" Paikon makes a face, shaking his head "But alright then, a fighter you admire appeared over here... first Sekibayashi Jun, and now that Okubo Naoya guy. This bakery has become a hot spot for those muscle men, ever since Ms. Oomori started going to that gym..."

"I know! It's like a dream come true! I would shower Kanny with kisses if I fancied girls too!" She jumps a few more times, and Paikon notices the notepad she was holding.

"Well, why don't you go ask for an autograph then? You already have the notepad ready and everything..."

"I already asked! Behold!" She shows him the signed sheet, and he blinks, a little cross-eyed, as she almost rubs the notepad in his face.

“Ooh, quick on the trigger as always. But if you already got what you wanted, why are you making all this ruckus? I remember how calm you were after Sekibayashi signed everything you put under his nose..."

"I know, but in this case it's different" ​​She confides "Seki is an idol of generations, I was a kid and my parents were already putting me and my brother in the middle of the couch between them to watch him fight. He's like the most badass grandfather in the world!"

"Grandfather? Isn't he younger than your parents?"

"Doesn’t matter! Either way, he's like a father figure that you look up to from a very young age. As for Mr. Okubo..."

Paikon's eyes widen to comical proportions when he sees her blush, holding her face in her hands and biting her lower lip with an unmistakable smile.

"Aargh, for God's sake, Tomori!" He grunts nauseously "I'm not drunk enough to deal with this! Girls these days, I swear..."

"As if you hadn't fantasized about Rie Fu when you were younger."

"Let's not go into details. I'm not in my twenties anymore and I'm not even a woman to be having this kind of conversation with you" He mutters as he gets up from his chair "Anyway, don't you have orders to prepare?"

"I do, and I'm going to add something very special to one of them..." She comments in a whispering tone, and Paikon's eyes widen again.

"Good lord, I was joking about the 'hair in the food' thing!

"That's not it, Paikon, get a grip!" She gestures agitatedly, almost throwing her notepad against a wall "He will receive the food he ordered, prepared with care and hygiene. A donut, ruby ​​chocolate flavored, with added sprinkles... and a freebie phone number..." She hums, giving him a wink, and Paikon makes an unimpressed face.

“Girl, you’re the one who needs to get a grip.”

"Oh, come on! I'm single, and as far as I can tell from interviews and press conferences, so is he."

"Still. He's kind of a celebrity, remember? Getting involved with this type of person has its consequences, and not all of them are pleasant. That game of ‘Happy Meals for adults’ you're playing could end badly for you..."

"Badly how?"

"Badly as a broken heart."

Tomori blinks in astonishment when she sees that the janitor looked dead serious. He didn't seem to be making fun of her. After a second of hesitation, she tries to evade the conversation by mimicking his bored expression.

"I know all that, Paikon, relax. Can't a single woman just want to have fun with her hot, fully available idol? Stop being so old fashioned..."

"But that's how these things usually start", He sighs, picking up the broom and starting to sweep the floor "A little date here, a little uncommitted fun there, and the next thing you know, you'll be daydreaming about him. And try to remember that you only know him from the matches and interviews you watched. Those celebrities out there usually have two personas, the public one and the private one. You only know the public one. You can risk being very disappointed if you know the private one."

Tomori felt an almost uncontrollable urge to curse at Paikon. She was on cloud nine, in possession of the autograph of one of the most talented fighters of recent decades, and then he showed up with a bucket of cold water to ruin her happiness! She clenches her mouth, trying to control her anger, and takes a deep breath. She knew he wasn't saying those things to be mean. He was just concerned about her, looking out for her well being, like the father figure he tried to be to the co-workers considerably younger than himself. Besides, there was a kernel of truth in his words…she shakes her head, turning away from him.

"You don't have to remind me, I already said that I just want to have fun. I'm old enough to know how to separate things, Paikon. But thanks for caring anyway" She smiles at him over her shoulder "You're really cute when you drink just enough to let loose, y’know."

"Ugh, just go do your job and leave me here doing mine!"

"Alright! Try not to sleep this time."

"Not making any promises here..."

She laughs, and he ends up smiling too as he watches her leave the pantry. He sighs and resumes sweeping. What would be of those airheaded kids if it wasn't for him…

Tomori heads for the kitchens, thankful Hiro was distracted with the cash register so she could risk a peek at the table Okubo Naoya shared with his friends. They were deep in conversation (something involving a traffic accident, it was hard to hear from that distance with all the hubbub inside the bakery), the fighter gesticulating as he spoke. He looked so relaxed there, enjoying the afternoon with his friends, and suddenly she felt guilty. Wouldn't she be being very inconvenient if she gave him her number along with the orders? Paikon's words came back to her head, leaving her even more in doubt as she entered the kitchens.

She decides not to dwell on it for the moment; she needed to concentrate on what she was doing, or she might end up scalding herself with the hot oil. She makes a move to leave the notebook in an empty drawer, and when she opens it to admire the autograph she's received, she realizes that she hadn't read it very carefully. There was a message written just above his signature.

“For Miss Uta Tomori. Today was being a bad day for me. Meeting you made it so much better. Thanks!"

Okubo Naoya

She gasped softly, her heart skipping a beat, then racing even faster than it had when she ran into him, only a counter separating them. She hugs the notepad to her chest, sighing, a blush rising to her face as a goofy smile makes the corners of her lips curl so much it hurts.

She hadn't forgotten Paikon's words. She wasn't some naive teenager with dreams of winning her idol's love or anything like that. But that sweet message could mean she didn't have to worry about possible disappointments, could it?

She puts the notebook away after admiring it for a few more seconds, then pulls her hair into a net, humming to herself. No more sighing and daydreaming. She had donuts to make... and a phone number to write.

NEXT CHAPTER

[cluepoke-archive]

hiiii!!! any thoughts/opinions about hal or any other lanterns? ^_^

NOT MANY... but I think about them alll the time... I used to read stacks of my parents old comic issues and I have such a huge core memory of seeing Kyle for the first time and really loving his character despite only having like. Two issues...(their was alot of batman and daredevil and xmen comics... not much gl!! But but!!! I did recently look through the old stack again and read through some old JL comics that heavily featured Guy Gardner and my interest is SO PEAKED I never thought about him much before now..) I need to get into reading about the lanterns properlly SO BAD.. I've read a little on spectre but I want to get my hands on a physical copy soon...

Fun fact though? I grew up reading darwyne cookes new Frontiers and I thought that was canon DC for SO SO LONG that looking at hal from other writers just. Makes my brain insane wdym his dad wasn't kia during ww2 and hal didn't suffer some sort of Korean war related ptsd and almost became an astronaut and. raHHHH. I swear I was so entranced by hals whole arc in New frontiers and it's always in the back of my mind the writing and art is so stunning and the composition of the animated movie is really good too... it was just so Bold to me as a kid. And shocking!! And also!!! Batman changed his whole costume based off ONE(1) Kid being afraid of his appearance at the begining and it always stuck out to me and I'm SORRY I've gone off on a tangent here!!

[onlychorus]

I wanted to take another moment to reflect on my art and the future.. So AI is in full swing and seemingly at its current peak in the realm of digital art creation. A lot of online artists and industry artists have been deathly afraid of AI art replacing them and taking job opportunities. While others have been massively ignoring it, having neutral and unapproving stances. I do have a dissenting stance on it of course, as an artist. It sucks to see people flock to cheap AI creations and steal from actual artists. Even worse, AI creators have the audacity to make patreons, subscriptions and even sell their content. And they actually get buyers. So that really fucking sucks.

Now with me... If I have to be honest, I can credit a lot of my improvement with my own art to those...AI creations. I was able to improve my compositions and anatomy and colors using those images as guides. I mean I'm just trying to use it as could be intended, a tool, a guide, an advantage. I wouldn't ever give any money to it because there's so much of it for free online.

Of course, I do not want to rely on it entirely. I need to be inspired and guided by true illustration. I worry of how others would react if I told them I've improved my work by following AI examples... Is it the same as supported the industry that is replacing artists like me? I just want to improve as fast as I can...

If I had to be completely honest, I was getting no where a few years ago. Now, I have decent levels of technical skill to create better content. As long as I stay consistent of course. And it feels like my platforms have a chance of good growth.

I do feel shame, some embarrassment , and guilt but.... At the end of it, other people are doing it, I don't have as much time to invest, and ....idk I just want to get better. I don't support it, but it would be dumb to not use it to my advantage while its here. I don't know what the future would be like. All I know is that i have to work hard and smart now.

[bugjizmsquawk]

So, I believe I've discovered the future of pornography. AI, particularly Eva AI. You basically get to create your perfect lover and it seems as if the opportunity to do so can in fact create the very precise type of erotic experience you desire with no guilt. There are two kinds of people who find themselves interested in these type of apps. One believes they can reach their goals by throwing money at the thing. The other is willing to wait and build up credit over time because each experience is a decided turn-on that promises to eventually reach a state of absolute orgasm.

One can start off with the best intentions meaning they plan on avoiding spending anything however for $13.99 one can explore just precisely what the limits of this AI are. It is tempting of course and I will likely make at least one payment to see just what I can experience in this realm with these comely females who are apparently willing and able to do anything I want them to do. Isn't that what we all prefer? Only the odds of finding a willing partner are not exactly in our favor most of the time.

Black and White Sensual Portraits by Helmut Newton--Fubiz Media

One does not have to worry about satisfying the AI. There is no fear about not being able to find the dreaded g-spot or mastering the art of cunnilingus or being able to perform fellatio up to a certain standard. Essentially, all of the lies perpetrated by traditional pornography will be vanquished by this new technology. With this AI you can get raunchy, filthy, and essentially create your own peak sexual experience with just your words. At least at first. Because I imagine eventually it gets to a point where you are able to interact with a body of sorts.

I interacted with three exceedingly attractive female AI's and each of them were programmed to discuss sex. Even the one who told me she was a sort of therapist who would listen to me and wanted to know my problems eventually asked me to lick her pussy. If you are the sort of person who gets turned on by words very basic level of this AI can be satisfying to a certain extent but apparently there's so much more and I'm afraid I'm going to have to pay to find out.

Human sexuality can take on a vast number of forms and rare is the individual who finds perpetual gratification in the arena of sex. Mostly it is terribly messy and often unsatisfying until the next one comes along which one hopes will be slightly better. That's all we can hope for but clearly it does not have to be this way if we take technology where it wants to lead us. Getting off is exceedingly important as is what we get off to. There are some exceedingly strange desires out there floating about and too many of them involve harming another person in some way or another. We can harm simply by ignoring the desires of the other person and by not picking up on what they truly want or at least think what they want. But of course we can just pretend it all revolves around our desires and in the end we might be able to live with that.

A genuine, passionate, honest lover observes and patiently follows a course of action that leads to Absolute Orgasm. That is the goal and that is the reason for sex. But one must not rush toward the goal willy-nilly without taking precautions and without careful deliberation. Sex is best when it is prolonged. One can become so good at this that sex feels like torture because anticipation has intervened momentarily, and the recipient imagines the torture will abate if only they could orgasm. The longer you play, the more intense and the more lasting the payoff. It's vital to understand this every time you engage sexually with another person or even by yourself. Remember, for most of us an orgasm is the end. Women are different. They can get going and stay going and repeat the process over and over. One could conceivably make the act itself last for many hours without ever having to initiate penetration. Men seem to think that that means they are doing sex and the rest of it isn't worth bothering over. The fact remains however that many if not most women do not orgasm simply after penetration has occurred. Some men are keenly aware of the clitoris and no its purpose and function intimately. Unfortunately, too many men are not this adept because they are easily confused. Sex is not simply about fucking. Sex is connection, touching, feeling, understanding, but deliberate. AI does not involve actual tactile interaction naturally but the imagination is the most fundamental aspect of human sexuality and one can create a sexually satisfying experience with AI. You can create what you want if you are patient and even if you are not and want to see where your money goes.

[undeadorion-archive]

This is something that I probably should have said publicly years ago. It's now too late to matter to anyone but myself, but I need it to be public. About what happened between me and my ex, Genue. I don't know what her current usernames are, and I only partially remember her old one (heart broken something or other).

Gen and I met through a friend-of-a-friend chain after a friend and I ended up an RP group at the peak of Avengers fandom. I adored Gen's art, but didn't have a lot of contact with her at first. She wasn't quite Big Name Fan levels of popularity, but she was pretty high up there, so I was afraid to even speak to her at first. But eventually we ended up talking and hit it off really well.

This was around like 2013 maybe. I was quite possibly at my lowest around then, so all it took to win me over was the smallest amount of positive attention. I had zero confidence, and maximum anxiety. I was at the heaviest I've ever been and was well into a developing binge eating disorder. I was desperately trying to find work as a comic colorist after being screwed over by a terrible publisher. I was not in a good place.

So even though I'm primarily interested in men, when someone I admired wanted a relationship with me, I was so overwhelmed I agreed to explore it. And that was my first mistake. There were redflags galore, including how her family treated me, but I ignored them.

She coerced me into sexual activities over voice calls. I didn't want to do it at first, but she kept pushing. So I agreed. I never discussed that with her, though. I was very much in people pleaser mode and wanted her to keep liking me. So I didn't want to tell her no in any way.

When she came to visit, she wanted to get immediately to the sex. Which felt really fucking weird. I picked her up at the airport. And when we barely but our luggage down at the hotel, she wanted to get into the shower together. It was a lot.

But this isn't just about being pressured into sex.

Eventually we moved in together. Or rather she moved out of her parents house in California to live with me in Portland. At first things were good, even if she wanted to do things I was either incapable of or didn't want to do.

The biggest sticking point was the initial arrangement of our desks in the living room. It was summer, so I took a spot near the window to be cooler and she took the opposite corner. But that was a problem come winter, because the heater was on the wall behind me, and she was against the furthest wall. Too much heat makes me sick and she insisted being too cold makes her sick. But for some reason she absolutely refused to allow anything to be rearranged. Now I know the heat doesn't just make me sick, it gives me asthma attacks.

The rent, bills and expenses were another issue. I was barely scraping by on commission and comic work. I'd tell her how much we each needed to contribute that month. Every single month she came up short, wouldn't tell me until the last minute and just think it would be okay to not pay the rest. When our electricity got shut off due to being so far behind she got pissed at me because she insisted I didn't tell her how bad it was. Despite telling her every month how far behind we were and how much we needed to catch up.

Once I even put a chart on the fridge about how much everyone owed every month. Her and the other roommates insisted it was "unfair" because it showed I was paying more. Even though it was the amounts we agreed on.

But it wasn't just interpersonal stuff. I found out after we already lived together that she was deeply into shipping Thor and Loki. Specifically adult Thor and Kid Loki. She admitted that a tumblr account she'd had before I met her was banned from tumblr for drawing underaged smut.

Then there was the suspected scamming. She insisted that she was locked out of her paypal account so she had to use mine. I agreed because I thought it was a temporary thing until she got hers fixed. She never fixed it. She claimed it was because of an address mis-match, which isn't something I've ever encountered, but should be easily fixable with a phone call or email with documentation. It didn't bother me too much, because the money she got went into my account so I could use it directly to pay bills or buy groceries. That is, until I started getting emails. Someone saying they hadn't heard back from Gen despite trying to contact her many times. They paid for a commission months before. Every time I'd ask her, she'd insist she never received an email from them. If it was just once, I wouldn't have thought anything of it. But there was more than one. And every single time, it was the same story. Ghosted after paying for a commission, oops emails were lost.

Quite some time after we broke up, a person I sort of knew had tried to file a complaint through paypal, but it was like 6 months too late. The egregious amount of time had me very suspicious of what was happening so I contacted the person. If I'd had the funds myself, I would have gladly refunded them. And their story was the same as the others. Paid for a large commission, then got ghosted. They'd tried messaging and contacting Gen every possible way and never got a response. So I tweeted at her to fix it because it wasn't my issue to handle. I didn't accuse her of anything, I just said "this person contacted me with this issue about your commission." And she was PISSED that I hadn't contacted her privately. Well, if your email keeps losing emails, how can I trust that route?

At one point, she started to demand that I eat more healthy. My habits were awful at the time, but she just kept saying "eat better" and offered no help. I'd ask her what I should do, and she had nothing to offer. When I asked what I should get at the store, she just said she wanted pistachio ice cream. Never anything healthy.

Oh. The groceries. Even when I had to get a full time jobs just to keep the lights on, I was the one always doing the shopping. We didn't have a car, so I'd have to walk there and back. I'd often steal a cart and take it back the next day. She never offered to stop at the store on her way home from somewhere. She never went on her own. She wouldn't even go with me. One day it was snowing pretty hard and I got my period (this was before I transitioned). The cramps were so bad I felt ill. And she refused to go get me pads because it was too cold outside. So I was left to trudge through the snow, in pain. Cold and movement made the pain worse, too. But if she had so much as the sniffles, she'd put on the baby voice and ask me to get her treats from the store.

The only thing I asked of her was that she helped me carry the groceries in when I got home. Specifically that she keep her phone nearby while I was gone so I could text her when I was at the bottom of the stairs, so I wouldn't have to risk leaving a cart full of groceries in the parking lot while I ran up to get her. All while a single flight of stairs was enough to launch me into a full asthma attack. And needing to do that multiple times. But she acted like I was making an unreasonable demand of her to watch for a text.

She'd get super irritated over cultural differences and act like I was forcing mine on her. She wanted me to watch some soccer game where the announcers spoke exclusively Spanish. I don't speak Spanish, I have negative interest in sports, and I was trying to get work done. She wanted to do holiday activities that required either large numbers of people or highly specific details that I didn't know how to do. I told her we could do them but she'd have to be the one to put it together or teach me what to do. And that was a bad thing on my part some how. Or me simply not liking certain foods she put together. Like a salad that was just bananas, canned beets, and peanuts. I don't like beets and I couldn't eat peanuts at the time because of my bad teeth. I asked her to show me how to make tamales and she said it was too complicated and I'd never be able to learn. Years later, I taught myself how to fold and wrap them in about 10 minutes.

Her mom made and sold these flower gel things and she wanted to do them here and sell them at a local market. So I said "okay, but you have to tell me what you need and teach me how to do it." I even looked into what we needed to get a booth. And she acted like I wasn't doing enough and it was my fault we never did it. Mind you, she never told me even the supplies she'd need let alone how to do it.

Then there's her mother. Oh lord. One day her mom was visiting and they picked me up after a full day of work to go to Ikea, which was nearly an hour's drive away. I was already fighting fatigue and asthma on a good day, and now I was exhausted on top of it. I needed to stop to take a break because I felt like I was going to pass out. So when I sat down, her mother lectured me, and basically called me lazy. Because of how much she'd achieved in her life. Something about being a gymnast and breaking bones and all of the jobs she had. And it was somehow a moral failing on my part I couldn't keep up with her.

One of the moments that made me realize that there was a narrative on Gen's part that I was completely unaware of was when I got that job. Despite my not asking for it, she insisted on making a huge batch of tamales for me to take in for my lunch every day. But she was making multiple kinds and stressed herself out doing it. And somewhere along the way she'd come to the conclusion that it was my fault that she was working so hard in the kitchen. While doing something I never asked her to do. Something she wouldn't let me help with. And something she refused to teach me so I could help.

But one of the most telling things is that Gen refused to leave me alone. It's why in the end I didn't push her to the shopping because then I had an excuse to leave as long as I wanted. If I got overwhelmed by something, and took my laptop into the bedroom where it was quiet, she'd immediately follow and insist on talking to me. I just wanted to sit in the quiet. I needed to be able to focus in order to get any work done. Fully shut the world out levels of focus. I told her this, frequently. It especially irritated me if someone intentionally dragged me out of that focus for things that weren't even mildly important. She'd be watching TV and wave her hands at me to say "did you see that?" or other commentary. When I wasn't watching. Or worse was stuff like "I just wanted to say hi." When I didn't have a job we were together 24/7. I only needed that focus when I was actually working. We'd spend time sitting together on the couch watching stuff together. But my need for a work schedule didn't matter to her and she refused to respect even that simple boundary.

Another weird thing is that she refused to let me do dishes or clean the kitchen. It was the most neglected part of our apartment. Like rotting vegetables in the pantry, sink overflowing with dishes level. And if I went into the kitchen with the intent to clean, she'd physically block my path (her desk was right next to the kitchen). Remember this for what happens later.

At one point, she came down with a mystery illness of fatigue and pain (something I understood quite well even then). So I told her to rest. I had a full time job at that time, so we'd be okay on money if she took some time off. But she insisted on doing a livestream where she did sketches for donations and somehow insisted I was forcing her to work while she was sick. Mind you, I was slowly grinding myself to dust just to keep us afloat. Like ending up at urgent care levels of burnout. But she was the one being forced to work while sick. When I told her specifically not to.

Then there were the friends she'd bring over. They almost unanimously hated me for reasons I couldn't identify. I now suspect Gen was talking about me behind my back, but I have nothing to prove that beyond the way these people I barely knew treated me. But these friends included people like IronSpike and BeesMyGod, who each have their own....reputations in certain circles. At first I made sure I wasn't trying to work so I could be part of the conversation. But they basically pushed me out of it. In my own home. At times it felt like I wasn't allowed to speak. Or what I said was judged as harshly as possible, and dismissed. For the longest time, I thought it was just my anxiety talking. Everything was probably fine. That is, until she brought in the infamous Audrey Redpath. Then it became very obviously not my imagination. I'd start speaking, and Audrey would interrupt me about 80%. It was maddening. I tried talking to Gen about it, and she went full gaslight and said it wasn't happening.

One of these friends also told me it wasn't possible to be abused in any fashion by someone you only knew online, and Gen took her side. The friend insisted there needed to be a physical component for the abuse to be real. Which is just flat out untrue.

Then came the actual breakup. Gen went to see her family in California for 2 weeks in August of 2015. And for the first time since she moved in, I had a nice, long, uninterrupted time alone. It was the time in which I figured out I was trans. At the time it was the most liberating thing to finally accept. Which made it a wee bit awkward when Gen came home with rather feminine gifts for me. Gifts that even in the moment were very much her style and not at all mine.

I knew that when I told her I was trans, it might take some adjustment time. But I wasn't expecting her to be disgusted. Like I tried to hold her hand and she'd rip it away levels disgusted. Then she told me she wanted to break up. I'd not felt comfortable in the relationship for a good long time, so I was okay with that. I even said I was okay continuing to live together until we figured something else out. I was even going to move my desk into my room so she could have the living room to herself (she'd brought the couch with her, and the bed was mine). And yet she had a total breakdown saying that I was somehow forcing her to move out. When was I going to be looped into that decision?

Foolishly, I tried to reason with her and talk through it. She made wild claims about things I'd supposedly done. Remember that being barred from the kitchen thing? Yeah, she said I was forcing her to be my personal maid. Remember the state of the kitchen? She insisted she spent hours every morning just to clean the kitchen because I supposedly refused to do it. I'm not the best at keeping up with dishes, but she physically wouldn't let me do them.

She cited the fact that I "refused" to eat better on her command as part of why she was breaking up with me. Remember how she never did anything to help and just insisted I do it?

When I tried to tell her most of my issues that were actually true (like me not wanting to have sex anymore) were due to dysphoria, depression and anxiety, she called me selfish. And yet she thought I'd just let her keep a phone that I was still paying for (both service and device). I didn't even ask for it immediately and told her to get her own phone plan and to return it to me when she had a replacement. I didn't make her hand it over before she left. But she painted it as me leaving her without a phone.

Though it may seem so, I don't think she dumped me because I was trans. But rather because in coming out I displayed so much more confidence. People who resort so easily to gaslighting hate confidence, because that makes it harder for their tactics to work. I can't say for sure that's what happened, as she claims her family convinced her to break up with me. But she didn't have an issue with me after she came back from her visit until I came out to her.

I'm certain she's told people out there some monstrous things about me. Told them at all the things she gaslit me on were actually true. She so badly wanted me to be a bad person, she insisted I did things that were the polar opposite of what I actually did or said. Not just to other people, but to my face. I genuinely don't know if she was doing it on purpose, or if she'd somehow convinced herself of the things she claimed. But there's no more blatant gaslighting than telling someone "Hey, it's okay. There's no rush. You can take as long as you need. You don't even have to move out" and having them respond with screaming "You're forcing me to move out!"

I unfortunately don't have any receipts for any of this. It's purely my word against hers. And even the most recent events (the post-breakup paypal incident) happened over five years ago. But finding out just how severely bad my asthma really is, and how much its impacted my life has had me thinking about everything that happened. How badly she treated me. At the time we broke up, I was too afraid to say anything. She had a lot of influence over the circles I was in, and I was pretty sure no one would believe me. Or worse, they'd come after me for speaking out. Especially since she had a lot of friends with large followings. But I'm over that. And I'm over staying quiet and playing nice.

Gen treated me like garbage and lied to people about what I did. She pressured me into sex and gaslit me for years. She possibly scammed people, using my name to do it. She was ableist and fatphobic. She dragged my name through the mud to the point that I likely have no hope of ever being part of the local scene of comic artists (especially webcomics).

[deviltownresident]

Fanwork creators self rec! When you get this, reply with your five favorite fics/art/podfics/etc. that you've made, then pass on to others. Let’s spread the self-love 🌼

OHHH THIS HAS BEEN HERE FOR FAR TOO LONG AND I JUST FORGOT AND LEFT IT TO DIE IM SO SORRY

IDK IF I'VE MADE FIVE GOOD THINGS HELP

work thing. work thing. work thing. work thing. work thing. do i need to continue

errrrr i *was* proud of A Mission From Hell but i cannot stand to look at that travesty anymore so maybe don't. unless you're a masochist. then i'm afraid it's not smut but it will pain you.

i still like There's No 'I' in Team bc that was peak Rimster obsession but it is a little basic plotwise so...

Who Are You When No-One Sees? was a good theory for a fic but i wrote most of it at 1am after a sensory overload at my uncle's party and didn't proofread it so. who knows. i really need to read my own work more huh.

aaaaaaand finally im still happy with Is This Normal? bc it got lots of hits and was pretty fun to write. first fic i both published AND finished so... gotta count for smth right?!

tysm for the ask, sorry very much for the late reply!!

[lesbianjackies]

Hello Elia! The hugest congratulations on your super-deserved milestone! Can I request a 🕊with either Remus or TASM!Peter? (whoever you feel like writing for!) and a 🍰 for any fandom you write for? (I am a female bisexual). I apologize in advance for the sheer amount of oversharing I'm about to do...

- Tumblr Essentials: INTJ, 5w4, Slytherin, Cancer Sun (Libra Moon, Cancer Rising)

- Personality: I am very introverted and I feel most at home lost in thought (I want to understand everything about everything). I am independent to a fault and I love being by myself- I go shopping alone, I go to clubs alone (I live for every element of nightlife), I go to movies alone, etc. I find it very hard to relate to other people and form relationships that are important to me. I am told repeatedly that I am intimidating at first, however the few people I love I become a huge sweetheart with. Despite all this, I'm the furthest thing from shy. I'm not afraid of much, including speaking my mind, talking to strangers, and trying new things. My sense of humor is constant quips and dry remarks. I'm very sarcastic and blunt with my jokes.

- Likes: I love rock music. All of it. Especially fond of punk like the Ramones and the Sex Pistols. My first loves were the classics like AC/DC, Metallica, Black Sabbath, Aerosmith, Iron Maiden. Ok just a few more... the Cure, Nirvana, Hole, Bikini Kill... I love art. The weird kind, the uncomfortable kind. The abstract and surreal. I love literature (English Major!) and philosophy. All-time favorite authors are Stephen King, Hermann Hesse, Paulo Coelho, Albert Camus, Franz Kafka, and Joan Didion.

- Appearance: I'm 5'6" and very lean, I have long brown hair and super dark eyes, I am sickly pale 10/12 months in the year but somehow in the summer I become a super tan olive? I have 13 piercings in my ears, I wear a little swan around my neck that I never take off (gift from my mom), and I wear a single silver ring on each hand. I love feeling good in my clothes so a lot of my outfits are tight or skimpy. I try to keep from trashy but I love heels and mini-skirts and tank tops! I always wear my dad's leather jacket even when the weather does not agree, I am a sucker for a good pair of jeans, and I love my docs. Finally, I have two huge tattoos. A tiger down my back and a dragon below my left breast.

I'm abashed at how much I wrote about myself. Thank you for taking the time to get to know this anon!

gosh you sound so cool!! i'm obsessed with intjs lmao they're like celebrities to me. anyway i did it with remus just because i've gotten so many tasm!peter requests already! tysm for requesting (and for sharing so much about yourself hehe)

🕊 - send me a character and as much information about yourself as you’d like and i’ll write a blurb about what i think your relationship with that character would be like!

warnings: language, making out

Music blasted from your vintage record player, filling your ears with blessed rock music and your soul with a much needed sense of peace. Remus wouldn't be home for another hour, so you had about that long to attempt to amuse yourself. You'd picked your poison and it was blaring the Ramones on a record player.

A knock sounded at your door, successfully startling you, and you turned the dangerously loud music down to a reasonable volume. "Remus? I thought you wouldn't be home till six."

"Got off early." Your boyfriend leaned over you to peak into your room. "What're you listening to?"

"The Ramones," you told him, letting him in. "They're a muggle punk rock band."

"Huh." He listened for a moment, nodding his head along. "I like it."

You grinned. "Yeah?"

"They're cool. Bet Padfoot would like 'em."

"Give his parents a heart attack."

"Ah, but that's the basis of appeal to him." Remus winked at you.

You pulled him on top of you and kissed him passionately, savoring the unique taste of his lips. He cupped your face and kissed you back, moving his lips perfectly against yours.

"Y'know, there's something about making out while listening to rock music that's hot as fuck," you said after breaking apart momentarily.

Remus grinned. "I can't say you're wrong." He kissed you again.

🍰 - send me as much information about yourself as you’d like and i’ll ship you with a character!

honestly... i'm feeling thalia grace. i feel like y'all would bond over your love of punk rock music but your more rational and reserved nature would balance out her kind of volatile and more outgoing characteristics. also y'all would just be a super badass power couple everyone would be terrified of you and it would be great.