#i've given up all hope anyways
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steamclouds · 6 months ago
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watching my entire dash explode into Dragon Age is so funny to me because I know virtually nothing about this series but have fun you guys
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sysig · 9 days ago
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Go play pretend on your own (Patreon)
#Doodles#Helix#Dexter Favin#Coraline#The Beldam#The other side of this coin <3 Call him out but this time make it unfriendly hehe#I talked last time about the daring rescue!! I do love the daring rescue in Coraline AUs ah same thing with the Camp Camp Coraline AU haha#Burst in through the door! Those poor hinges!#It is a bit funny imagining him crawling through the tunnel in a hurry and kicking the doors open all winded haha <3#It's all very serious of course Max needs help! Stuck behind the mirror from disobeying perhaps?#I was pretty hard on him last time that he'd just Immediately give up his soul for cheap tricks but like - would he?#Yes he's reckless and foolish but he's also stubborn and prideful and hates being told what to do so there's that lol#Which does he want more! The high or his freedom to refuse? I could see it going either way#And for Dex's sake I would hope he'd refuse! As if he hasn't suffered enough eye trauma (eventually)#Ough the thought of him starting to say yes and getting one button eye in and then rescinding his yes ouch#Doomed to have one eye no matter where he goes ah 💔#Anyway - Dex!!! Watch I'll make another one with the ideas mentioned here and then talk about more ideas in those tags pft#Since agreeing with him didn't work how about shaming? ''Go away you're no better''#She really is going hard on him like ''What's your angle? You get him back and then what? Will that actually fix anything?''#Very much pulling from Dexter's meetings with Max at the Institute there hhhhhh as if I needed more feelings about it#Eco_Mono did such a beautiful job playing Dex - so much to consider hehe - but there was one question that I can't stop thinking about#''Why would you want him back?'' and Dexter didn't really have much of an answer - he was barely more than a concept at the time!#Having had the opportunity to see his character grow into himself has given me Such brainworms about that question ♥♪♫#Very want to explore it <3#In the meanwhile it's fun to pit these two against each other haha what an odd matchup ♪#I've only barely drawn the Beldam before now that I think of it! And I think only in her final metal-spidery form never in her mid form here#She's fun :D And so tall! Dexter finally feeling small for a change haha#Her having to fight adult selfishness would be quite interesting I think - something tinged with but not quite the same as loyalty#She can relate to the possessiveness at least hehe I'm sure he'd appreciate the comparison
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silusvesuius · 6 months ago
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unleashing the same hellscape i did on my notes app here it's my nelvas thinking dump i wrote just for fun and to keep track of what i view them as up 2 this point. Might change my mind on it later on it has a lot of things written in brackets for no reason . it's like ~2500 words long which isn't much but i think i said everything i've had in my mind for now read it for fun if you like to have fun leik me :) And talvas :) And nelothxP
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retyping what i said in the tags of those last text posts and rearranging those thoughts a bit: in my train of thought that's been going steady since early 2024 i'm almost certain that neloth might see talvas as the epitome of being morally Clean (before that changes because of neloth's influence over him) and generally pure as a person. pure not used in the Pervert way; neloth is just a veeery big fan of talvas having absolutely no backbone and being very docile when it comes to him. which is r expected traits 4 someone if they find themselves under neloth's thumb as an apprentice, but it being written that he isn't at all catty and defiant to his face is cute. all talvas manages to do is shit talk neloth to others and pray neloth doesn't find out he meant the things he said but also can’t help feeling bad about it, even though neloth doesn't and wouldn't care, if he found out. neloth is happy with being an obnoxious & disgusting person. truly.. him growing obsessed with talvas' docile and innocent nature doesn't necessarily have to add up to him wanting to Taint or Ruin him (and if it happens ((it does)) it's not done on purpose, neloth can't hold that much control and power of his actions in that specific department). he encounters difficulties when he realizes he actually wants that Elven Twink.. it's too far gone to fix anything after he's tampered with talvas' patience and stability, and even then he can't be honest with talvas about anything, because he still wants to hold a great deal of power over him (neloth essentials for survival).
Might be the type to just want talvas to magically(haha) think it's okay that his wizard master desires him and expect that energy right back without talvas actually acknowledging it because it'd make neloth feel insanely cringy and embarrassed.. humiliated.. EVEN. but that's just in a deep deep dark corner of his mind, he isn't stupid. when trying to gain 'access' to his apprentice ("*His* apprentice" is also kinda funny way of viewing his mind too. just cause talvas is working as an apprentice under him neloth probably already feels a concerning sense of ownership over him that makes him feel very good) he can't even make the signs of interest be apparent to talvas because he's insanely inept at being Soft and honest for obvious reasons. he can tell what possibly could make talvas warm up to him even after he treats him like shit for eons but there's no way he's bringing himself to do it (change is embarrassing, especially in their formal dynamic, and especially at his age). so it's a half-assed attempt (actually he's trying his hardest🙄) to try and make talvas be (at least) less afraid of him. not that talvas has any other place that we know of that he "Belongs" to, he just sticks with neloth regardless of anything. neloth watching him as he sleeps ensues . Guys what do i do to make my apprentice let me hit because all of the eye contact i do with him while gripping his arm or petting his knee isn't helping. 
if we were to go back to how that spark is ignited in neloth swamp of a heart, brain… idk, it has to be when he realizes talvas' capability of forgiveness and 'Sucking it up' instead of lashing out at neloth after .. anything, but perhaps physical abuse in particular. neloth a 100% has absolutely no problem putting his hands on anyone, especially someone he sees so often, such as talvas. not that talvas really annoys him (his clear and voiced obedience pleases neloth as anyone can tell), but he just doesn't see it as too much of a big deal. the physical mistreatment that happens once in a blue moon isn't intense enough to scare off talvas for sure anyways. neloth is a bitch so all he can so is smack him at the back of the head (talvas finds it very normal) and slap him if he's feeling festive (something talvas finds kinda extreme but not that it happens often. he sometimes feels like he deserves it, or that neloth is warranted to do as he pleases. he tosses around it being justified or pitying himself, though). May be possible that neloth would realize he Like Likes talvas once he slaps him, mayhaps, for the first time, but talvas' immediate reaction to being treated like that is just sadness mixed with feeling shame for tearing up/crying in front of someone he respects *bishoujo sparkles sfx*. talvas is a delicate soul so he can't hold warranted emotions like that for long, and even tho it's expected of him to be making eye contact w/ neloth in a setting like that, he wouldn't be able 2 bring himself to do it because looking at neloth would make him wanna burst out in tears like a weeeee baby. Booo hooo.. talvas is the 19th century (4th era) damsel that runs out of the ball in tears after no young cavalier invited her to dance. watch this bleed into the most awkward and silent week of neloth's entire life because talvas doesn't even really feel like speaking to him or looking at him, but neloth doesn't wanna brute force the usual respectful etiquette out of him cus he thinks that's just gonna make talvas hurl himself down on some rough rocks at the seashore. Good thing talvas is very spineless and forgiving (especially in relation to neloth… i mean.. who r YOU to not forgive him) so that might just last a day or two. the hurt always stays tho. neloth this is why talvas doesn't wanna smash you.. you might've made some conclusions about what elven twink you like but talvas is just even more scared of you now. was your Pervert awakening worth it. and even if we do backflips and jump thru the point where everything is too far gone for either of them to go back, dude is still too afraid to make out with his apprentice. Deserve. but why though because talvas wouldn't refuse. for what reason? we may never know
^^^ this makes me feel like i love seeing characters i reaaaalllly love (elenwen and talvas in this case) as enigmas in situations where they're confronted with something so ""Intimate"". elenwen's stance on this is final tho cause she's a grown ass woman and there's no way you could reshape her brain. ulfric left her mind plane in SHAMBLES. talvas has more right (in the literal sense) to be erratic or inconsistent with his actions. maybe he likes to be desired. Also i strongly believe that talvas has probably never been in love (for any reason rly but it's mostly him not having actual time for it + not seeing it as something that is important to him at that point in his life)… i want neloth to be his first experience with Love so that it ruin his view on it forever. can't get myself to say he'd be in love with neloth at any point though. From his standpoint it really should feel empowering and 'nice' that neloth wants him in many ways (ew).. cause that's a man with status.. power.. ability to do anything rly . talvas is in no condition to be playing mind games with him or anything tho so don't get that idea. he's not strong enough of a person to be Tricking anyone or to be Playing with anyone's feelings. neloth would be immune to that, too. neloth can just kinda tell talvas is too good and … UNTAINTED. talvas wants to see the best in everyone. too bad he genuinely detests you, neloth.. so: he doesn't actually love neloth but wouldn't be happy to see his tombstone either. SO (PART TWO): if you time it right he wouldn't be against getting Freakkkkyyyy with you okay?but no promises
even if @ some point talvas develops indistinct feelings towards neloth cause of neloth's own incessant weird-mild advances it wouldn't have to mean he just likes old men permanently now. actually it kinda does. i can sorta feel it rearranging his braincells and making him unable to normally interact with people in his age range. he probably already had a hard time talking to others in hopes of developing a friendship just cause he's timid but after neloth's nonstop abuse and Accidental romance mind games he morphs into a whole new type of guy. it's hard to notice at first but he'd probably just start to leech off of neloth's prissy and unbearable personality in a natural course of things + neloth is the only person he sees and talks to on the regular pretty much. < this can just be reworded as just the cycle of abuse and whatnot. if he notices an opening in the abilities and Smarts of another person, especially someone his age/younger, he will automatically see them as umm…stupid. and also insult your abilities to your face if he snaps. he strikes me as the type to be afraid to say what he really thinks (another consequence of being glued to neloth all the time when all talvas does is act like he totally respects anything he says) and gets scared if anything slips out his mouth but is proud in letting the "Truth" be known because he already figured out you're a lesser being than him. he's just cloning neloth's verbal abuse braincells though he would never put his hands on someone. his desire to be mean and see himself as superior stems from neloth always disparaging him obviously.. talvas 4 that reason is very self conscious of his abilities and doesn't rly think he's all that useful or talented. his self doubt then would play into how he doesn't know when to believe what others are saying to and about him.. i wanna imagine that talvas is very oblivious to neloth's weirdo status just cause he partly doesn't even want that thought to cross his mind. i bet everyone but him sees it and finds it gross😕 but nobody in the vicinity is strong enough to tell neloth that he should be ashamed LMFAO. if you would try and even hint to talvas that it's happening he'd never take you seriously and just get mad. he's protective of neloth's image more than neloth himself is; not that people knowing neloth has abnormal sodomistic inclinations toward his apprentice would make his public image worse than it already is (everyone already thinks he's weird so it's not shocking at all) but talvas still wouldn't wanna hear it cause he thinks it's just false. maybe he's just ashamed that he's being brought into the whole thing. also because he doesn't wanna face the reality EJI23JRIO32KJ Well talvas when neloth makes an actual move on you don't say that we didn't warn you.. we're all waiting till neloth's status as an obvious apprentice-pervert becomes obvious to you
even if he's willingly ignorant of the fact he still thinks of the 'accusations' a lot when he feels like it. and unknowingly begins feeling even more uncomfortable in neloth's presence. heart starts beating faster and everything. neloth could come up to him meters away and talvas would still cover his mouth in realization and be like "i knew it… the DB told me but i didn't wanna believe it …..😦 so you really do like young men … and you're in love with me ..😨" *Neloth wakes up from this fever dream drenched in sweat* < neloth doesn't want (obvi) talvas to react that way at any point because he himself would just get scared so they'd just be staring at each other wide eyed. but talvas jumping into his advances isn't what he wants either (that'll also scare him). neloth is still relying on talvas' politeness to let him do as he pleases. but it is impossible for talvas to let it slide without questioning anything regardless so🤷‍♀️ take your few Ls and move on. neloth just wants talvas to sit on his lap. wants to spoonfeed him soup. he's so romantic. he also wants to(sniper on rooftop blows my head to bits). neloth is actually a pretty touchy feely person when he's feeling Frisky (=deranged about talvas). I'm certain his favorite part of talvas' body is his legs. talvas has beautiful young man skipping leg day legs. so nothing special at all but neloth wants to touch them lol.. let your master wizard squeeze your calves and he might just be occupied enough like a kid playing with a fidget toy to not abuse you verbally for 3 seconds. as i said befoar neloth is unpleasant with his touch because he doesn't know how to be soft + doesn't even want it to necessarily feel very 'rewarding' as to not pamper talvas. petting talvas kinda turns into a nervous habit for himself and an instrument of some sort of Reassurance 4 talvas when he wants him to know he’s not mad, for example. non-vebal confirmation. talvas still finds it weird but thinks it’s a charm point too. neloth wouldn't even be against touching him familiarly in front of others but only in a "older male figure" ways ex. touching his knee or putting his hand at the back of his neck (talvas sees it as some sort of disciplinary tactic though). physical touch that matches neloth's age and is enough for it to be seen as not necessarily romantic / overtly weird. 
there'ssssss no saving talvas after such a powerful person gets his hands on him. any will to leave would leave HIM either out of fear or out of attachment and neloth wouldn't just let him go (Alive at least) since he knows the things he knows. if talvas were to escape i'm a Truther of him not feeling in place and wanting to go back cause it's the stability that he's used to. but tbh if he encounters neloth on accident anywhere he's gonna start running. I was drinking tea while writing this and started choking on it i just nearly died writing this are youhappy. anyways, nelvas is a never-ending abusive relationship that doesn’t even have High highs, all it has is low lows. neloth always mistreats talvas for any reason but is never genuinely kind from the heart or out of remorse. .. hmm……yeah. I forgot to type this back out from my posts tags > talvas might just start viewing neloth as fuck crazy and demented after he Finally notices at least one molecular sign of gay attention from him . like ‘Oh wow Master Neloth obviously doesn’t get any female attention or anything cus he’s a sick fuck why does he have to search for it from me Can varona take the hit for me 🥺 *sees her dead body being dragged by the DB* hmm i guess not well i’ll figure something out i guess’ (he doesn’t) also the dialogue talvas has with varona after he steals neloth’s book trying to conjure some bs up will always be so cute to me he’s so defensive and afraid of neloth finding out. Him trying to decipher neloth’s handwriting is cute TOO ik their 19th century love letters to each other would go crazy and make sense to anyone but each other but i’m not gonna talk about 19th century girl talvas x neloth rn it’s too much . what ever. i think i’m done thank you i should just go back to drawing them as grecian pottery red figures or smthj Fun stats for you 4 getting to the end: times the word ‘abuse’ is used: 6
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fisheito · 8 months ago
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Bottom yakumo fics i rotate thru bc the tag is playing games with me
EIDEN:
(Sequel) "Another Spicy Study Session on Self-Pleasure" by MistressVanya https://archiveofourown.org/works/49270402
"plants should stay in your soup and out of your sex life" by acynthe (locked) https://archiveofourown.org/works/37453975
"surprises" by Anonymous (locked) https://archiveofourown.org/works/48090496
"Pulp Fiction" Chapter 2 by shamelesscooper https://archiveofourown.org/works/60033721/chapters/154533019
KUYA (some dubcon+yaku whump):
ASTER:
QUINCY:
"What Happens in the Woods" by melecs https://archiveofourown.org/works/44134458
"Embers are calling" by Yuuda-cchi (VioletStripes) https://archiveofourown.org/works/49222882
"As I Am, Entirely" by zerenovation https://archiveofourown.org/works/54831790
EDMOND:
"Of Love Confessions and a Horny Snake" by goldgalaxytea https://archiveofourown.org/works/52916077
NOT EXPLICITLY BOTTOM, BUT IT'S NOT... *NOT* BOTTOM (SUBBY +5000pts)
"Magic 101: Lessons in Gem-based Erogenous Zones" by auriadne https://archiveofourown.org/works/37413112
"Day 6: Dom & Sub" by Nya (Yuutfa) (locked) https://archiveofourown.org/works/49106176
"Trick-or-Treat" - Chapter 3 by SnowRelic https://archiveofourown.org/works/50601046/chapters/128881948#workskin
"in good taste" by winterdesu https://archiveofourown.org/works/59208052
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thyandrawrites · 5 months ago
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man. what was even the point of all the parallels the villains (esp. shigaraki, dabi and toga) to the heroes just to have them all die. what's the point. I'm glad i dropped bnha when i did, that's so damn frustrating. they should have been saved. the set up could have resulted in such a good pay off, just for them to throw that all away.
Hi! Sorry for the late reply. I spent most of last night working on my fix-it todofam fic, haha
Anyway, I've been wondering about the same thing. Despite everything, I don't think this is the ending Horikoshi originally had in mind. He has many flaws as a writer, but I do believe him to be a strongly compassionate person. The main problem with bnha imo is that he always seems to struggle to put his foot down and see through his choices all the way. Enji's arc in particular is full of this type of problem. One moment he's depicted as an unredeemable, unchanging monster, and two chapters later he's someone whose journey to self-betterment we're supposed to cheer for—a misguided guy who is trying his best and still failing. You get what I mean?
If it's true that the theme of DV is dear to Horikoshi (and I think it is, from how intimately he writes its intricacies), then I can understand that duality, at least. The fact that he can't quite make up his mind on who he wants to humanize more. But it's still disappointing. It feels insincere, the way he's wrapping up this story by pretending this is where he was always meant to go. For all of his indecision, at the very least he's never denied the Leagues' humanity, not until this very abrupt, tonal-shift ridden ending. And a part of me wonders if it's just Horikoshi's way to cater to the part of the fandom that's always loudest, the one that's been arguing for bloody 'justice' all along. If he's unable to handle that criticism on a work he holds so dear. And yet, by responding to it, by changing tracks on his own set up, he still managed to invalidate everything the story ever said about compassion, and that's the worst part.
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phoenixcatch7 · 10 months ago
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Every so often I dip into transformers fanfic (specifically bayverse) just because the concept of giant shape-shifting mechanical immortal robots just slaps so hard. All of the fics get so close but never quite scratch the itch I want, so here.
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Cybertronian Sam Witwicky, vessel of the Allspark
A seeker, naturally, but I haven't decided on alts yet. Or a name (I like Rubicon, because of the doorway/point of no return/on a knifes edge between two worlds meaning and.. Also because the Allspark kinda looks like a rubics cube lmao)(but it doesn't sound quite right and I'd like to lean more into the idea of sacrifice maybe?)(or maybe something celestial or mythical for the space/alien/spark=stars metaphor... Apollo?).
I haven't seen it done, but I really like the idea of the Allspark using its own material to create the cybertronian body, given the total lack of actual resources it has (and needs). This would give Sam a very unique bronze/gold protoform instead of the usual grey/black metal, and eyes/optics the colour of sparks. The feather horn things were meant to be a lot smaller, but that was the smallest they got! And idk, I've grown to like them. A little nod to his organic origins. And the circles are supposed to be extra eyes. The boots I was delighted to find, they blend so well with the body and make it look like he's not bare lol. Because hero forge isn't quite that free with design (yet), please imagine a couple wheels by his ankles he can drop down to rollerblade on.
I had a ton of fun with the colours, I think it's my best one from scratch yet! It was so hard to keep from adding too much detail or clothing, and I did struggle with the sheer bulk of a typical cybertronian build. The pauldrons and scarf help with that, but he's intended to be pretty slight compared to the average anyway. In every continuity they're so, so bulky ToT. I might tinker with the proportions now I've finished the model! The spear... Well I'm a sucker for staffs, but it's not a cybertronian weapon unless it can slice or shoot something, preferably while transforming into something else. This one is also a laser gun, very energy intensive if you're not hooked into an infinite power source lmao. He's got a few emergency cannons in his arms, because... Why not?
Man, now I've made him, I want to write something for him so much... Must resist, must resist...
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judicent · 6 months ago
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Yeah, I did fill 4 sketchbooks in 4 months so far this year. Huh? Am I gonna post even an ounce of it? Well, you see, I am allergic to my phone, so you will have to come CATCH ME
#da#nooo but I am so saddd it's so much easier to show stuff off irl 😭#if it could look even halfway decent I've considered doing flip throughs of sketchbooks on video#except I draw in pencil and cameras hate that and want me to explode#idk it is truly just better to somehow gain access to my terrible trove of sketchbooks#no but man that sounds like such an ideal hang out. get all my oc lore by sitting on my floor with me as we go through the archives#gosh I should count how many I've filled up at this point#I love that the number increases exponentially as the years go on#like I think 2018 began the precedent of 4 a year minimum which was kinda wild#another ridiculous difficult project I have given a lot of thought to: combing through every sketchbook and either redrawing#or printing off important story related bits and compiling them all into a convenient binder. maybe binding them into a book.#anyway it's pretty much all a drag no matter how you slice it#come to my HOUSE and look at my CREATURES#u don't know this bc I've learned to be silly sneaky but I have stayed up wayyyy too late AGAIN#but I've scheduled this to post at a normal time so you'll never know. unless you read the tags. but that's its own punishment isn't it#hey bonus enticement to look at my boo stuff that doesn't get on the blog. there's smut. and you KNOW I'm a coward who shan't ever post that#actually we'll be lucky if I'm not the same coward in real life too#it's only Dick and Vinny. they get rights. i don't care if anyone else has sex. I don't care if I have sex.#the one song I hope I don't have sex. I hope we both don't have sex. that's actually Vinny though.#I'm more sex favorable and sex positive than he could ever be#y'know this is a very 4am convo to have and actually how prepared am I for this to live in a pm afternoon time#welp. maybe I should stop being addicted to tags and letting loose all my secrets#I shan't grow I shan't do better and I shan't ever change. this is the da promise <3
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savage-rhi · 8 days ago
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🫂
#i've had many people ask me in the DMs what could be done to help me out given the orange menace is coming back into power#the best things for me right now (I can't speak to others) is this: 1. Keep supporting my creative endeavors#no matter how little I might post or interact. Please hype me up. I need community. I need spirit to survive.#2. Help me find resources that will help myself and others. Food banks. Community meets. Passports. Finances. Mental health etc.#these are important and I don't want others feeling like sitting ducks. Even though I'm scared I want to be a solution to the problem.#I am going to be a helper in this mess cause that's who I am and I need ammo in this capacity#3. Donate so I can up my ration storage. I've been collecting food water and nonperishables and I'm trying to stock up on medication#and other basic necessities. I'm collecting as if I'm preparing to be homeless again and if I am over capacity I'm giving rations to others#I've had to make peace with the fact I can't run away. I can't move to another country as I'm broke and poor like the rest of my loved ones#4. If you have friends who are disabled or a minority or lgbtq etc. do what you can to protect them and show them that you love them#and build community#5. Share my work and that of others. Who knows if we're gonna have sites like AO3 in the future or even access to tumblr.#this is all I can think of at the moment and again I can't speak for others this is what comes to mind for myself#And I admit I'm coming from a place of the worst case scenarios#because in my mind if I imagine I'm dead or homeless etc. and work my way backward to the next worst thing before that it unravels my fear#and it gives me back my power in the situation by sitting with those fears and giving them time to speak#because in my mind if I'm already dead if I'm already homeless or at war etc. etc. then its already happened and what else is there to fear#if I've been through everything already in mind?#I'm hoping that the worst case scenarios don't transpire but I can't ignore the fact many of them could and probably will happen#in some capacity but I can control the actions I take through prep and facing these fears one by one#and most importantly sticking to routine by making sure im healthy to help people#anyway this is why ive been quiet for a while besides for spending time with friends and loved ones recently to get over what happened#im going to keep going to my classes keep helping people through my jobs try to be creative when I have spoons and little by little#make sure I have enough of what I need to get through the storm and outlive the bastards in power#I'm not sure what sort of pink variant to assign this to but its along the magenta spectrum#love you guys#we'll get through this
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smile-files · 15 days ago
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i hope god loves me as much as you did
[cute kittys!!! by gabi on flickr; neighborhood #2 (laika) by arcade fire; goodnight sparky by @smile-files on tumblr; the fight is over by patrick mchale; my cat is sad by spencer madsen; a dog's midnight prayer by unknown; so big / so small by rachel bay jones; everyone i know (will die) by four eyes; the little prince by antoine de saint-exupéry; breathe (in the air) by pink floyd; sunpod by gustafer yellowgold; sweetie little jean by cage the elephant; cat dreaming by tiddler on flickr; untitled by roadarch; goodnight by whimsical animal; this is home by cavetown; untitled by @storieldraw on tumblr; plane crash blues (i can't play the piano) by phoebe bridgers; just take my wallet by jack stauber; death is nothing at all by henry scott holland; untitled by petfurniture on twitter; fading kitten syndrome by roar]
#melonposting#webweaving#death#pets#grief#loss#family#love#pet death#<- my posts aren't usually tagged this thoroughly... but webweaving posts tend to be#anyway... given how i've used my own art and own lyrics here this is clearly very personal...#ever since sparky was put to sleep in january i've thought a lot about the love of a family#and that in my position as youngest child i was in a similar position as a pet#beloved... doted on... kissed and hugged and cuddled with a love in every way unconditional...#but different. small. perpetually young and sensitive#and i keep thinking about how much we soothed sparky before he was put to sleep#and i keep thinking about how it's easier for me to fall asleep every night if i know someone is awake nearby#and i think of fading kitten syndrome by roar... a song so profoundly heartwrenching for me#and i picture myself fading away in some hospital bed but not fearing death because my parents are there and they love me#they love me so much i'm not afraid#and i think about how nervous i've always been and how much i've wanted my parents to comfort me#to the extent that they did and the extent they never knew how to#and i think of being tucked into bed and kissed and i fall asleep and never wake up. warm and safe forever#which is a thought stemming more from fatigue than suicidal ideation... a desire to rest. to stop fighting the tide for a moment#but then of course thinking of how much we cried over sparky. how much i cried over him#and how much my family has cried for my sake... worrying about me...#how could i peacefully sleep if they're crying over the bed i'm lying in?#but then would their tears not be a comfort? a sign of their undying love?#and so the train of thought goes. unresolved and unending. that's all this post is#i hope you like it? question mark?
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violetsareblue-selfships · 1 month ago
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good morning!! <333
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thats-a-lot-of-cortisol · 6 months ago
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✨ someone ✨ broke their oath the other night
#this poor woman has had A Time. killed cazador got oathbreaker'd had her act 3 romance scene all in one day#i was kinda hoping it would happen b/c it fits how her story's been going#but i wasn't willing to ascend astarion to guarantee it#and i didnt want to fudge it by looking it up#but i figured freeing the spawn *might* do it since she's oath of ancients and i was Correct#and it's in character for her anyway. 'anyone sentient deserves a chance' is a *big* part of her moral beliefs#i want to see if aylin has any comments re: oathbreaking but i doubt it#i've got some half-baked ideas bouncing around my head for interactions b/wn them after loroakkan though#guess i dont have to worry about whether pretending to go along with mystic carrion will break her oath now lol#the 'gods dont give a shit about you' themes have been hitting her hard. and like. yeah#even growing up in a region not totally under lolth's thumb she was explicitly taught that the gods she knew were to be feared#and even following corellon the only choice she's been given is forget everything & literally become a different person#or (presumably) be in lolth's clutches after she dies#and seeing the clear manipulation from mystra & vlaakith & shar was doing a number on her#so something she viewed as the obvious correct choice breaking her oath was her last straw#im thinking about changing her epithet but idk what it would be so im keeping it as a tag for now#diodore#the star's shield#bg3#bg3 screenshots#bg3 spoilers#oathbreaker#bg3 oathbreaker#drow paladin#i love how they handle oathbreaker in bg3 btw. i've always thought it wasnt an inherently bad thing & i feel vindicated#image id in alt text#bg3 tav#my post#blood cw
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cosmicsnufkin · 4 months ago
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#ignore me#i'm just stressed out#the thing is. i made a decision a long time ago not to reblog posts with guilt-trips no matter how well intentioned#both for my own sake and bc i didn't want to be the one putting it on somebody's dash#especially after reading about how especially difficult guilt-trippy posts can be for e.g. ppl with ocd or smth similar#and that's all well and good in most cases when it's not directly tied to ppl's lives#but when it comes to this it does definitely feel like i don't have a leg to stand on since it so very much is people's lives at stake#and i don't feel like i have the moral highground to decide something like that#especially when - while they might affect people in a similar way to guilt-trips - they're not intentionally that#another one of my problems with sharing them on tumblr is that i don't have enough active followers for anything to reach a big audience#and i barely get notes anyway and these certainly don't get enough to get around#probably bc ppl are 1) overwhelmed and have already given money if they can#and 2) wary since they don't know which ones to trust#especially when the scam ones look so much like the real ones and idek how ppl know someone is qualified to verify a fundraiser#all 3 asks i've gotten have been vetted by the same account and it feels off#but the thought of not sharing when they've reached my inbox feels cruel#and it all just feels so lackluster when there are tens upon thousands of fundraisers needing to raise hundreds upon thousands of euros#and it just seems to lead to most of them getting a third of the way there#it's so much more organized with smth like project olive branch particularly on tt where a bigger creator focuses on one family at a time#bc it increases the chance of individual fundraisers meeting their goals#while this just feels like spreading sadness guilt and a lackluster feeling of hopelessness with barely any result#esp when most of the notes are 'reblogging bc i cant donate'#(also genuine question: where does the many go if a fundraiser doesn’t meet its goal? to gofundme the site??)#bc like. even if i put all of the money i own towards one fundraiser i wouldn't meet the goal#rn i donate monthly to doctors without borders in the hopes that the money actually goes to use#and i've donated to a few fundraisers but there are so. so. many. and i don't understand how you're supposed to CHOOSE#it's absolutely fucked up to have to sit there and think about which family you're going to give your money to#it's not like one family 'deserves' it more than another#they all fucking deserve the money! they all deserve to get out of there they all deserve to live their fucking lives FREE#idek what i'm doing here anymore i hope no one actually read this i just needed to get it out and my diary wasn't cutting it
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absensia-archived · 2 years ago
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I’ll be working on refining and solidifying charlotte’s canon timeline when I come back as well as writing up her handful of verses!  As per usual,  her verses are very much meant to serve entirely different canons and narratives that simply cannot mesh with her canon lore and timeline,  and I don’t think I’ll be writing her in different parts of the timeline even once it’s set out,   ie.  having distinct verses for her within the established timeline and “writing backwards” in time,  so to speak.  plots and dynamics,  however,  can certainly have their roots in any part of the timeline, but mainly,  charlotte exists in a perpetually developing present,  as always.  
#This is something I should've done sometime last year or a year and a half ago.#It's the natural culmination of half a decade's worth of writing and character building! And I'm really excited actually to go through#everything I've put together and out there for Char since I started brainstorming about her and seeing what I can actually bring together#to make a proper timeline.#Of course - given the nature of her character and story - it's not all going to be laid out in exact and concrete terms#There will be gaps and deliberate inconsistencies and strange overlaps and inexplicable events.#But by the end I hope to have something that can be referred to reliably to better understand Charlotte as she is /presently./#As well as what she is / what she DOES / and what we have to play with in terms of plotting and storytelling <3#No really I am excited to do this for her - especially because now that I'm thinking about it#Charlotte has gotten up to SO MUCH in the 15-20~ years she's been around like!  Damn Char...take a vacation every now and then yeah?#Like sure she doesn't really have a choice but to work all the time and she does have a good time doing it almost always but work is work.#Honestly she has no idea what she'd even want to do if given the chance to break from her obligations as a void vessel;#If she had time TRULY to herself. She'd blank so hard on ideas so hard.#(  Mainly because it is sort of impossible and inconceivable ).#Anyways!  Still not writing until... at least 2nd week of February... or maybe longer. But I am available for plotting/chats as always <3
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crescentmp3 · 1 year ago
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these "what to get for someone you care about for their birthday" websites are utterly useless and i want my time back.
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caricature-of-a-witch · 1 year ago
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if one more post about the loki finale shows up on my dash bc some smart person tagged it for the corresponding mythology i will go flip some tables i can tolerate it from people i actively chose to follow but for fuck's sake i am tired of this show in my mythology corner
like okay i get it. it's the world tree. i get it we all gET IT
it's not like it's even the first time they had world tree ish imagery in this whole cinematic universe which makes it even more annoying. to me.
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getlostinthemoss · 1 year ago
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