#i've been waiting for weeks to eat one of those
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wolfram-but-art · 6 months ago
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i have art block but i just had a burger (more like 2,5) so perfect in flavour combination and texture that i wanted to cry and life was so beautiful and all my worries went away it was like a spiritual experience this picture represents maybe 1/6th of what that felt like
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neverendingford · 8 months ago
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#tag talk#all this turmoil is definitely related to me being unable to get one of my psych meds refilled#and yeah I probably should have gotten on top of that instead of letting myself run out#but my psychiatrist hasn't messaged me back and instead of messaging anyone else I've just accepted my fate#which is characteristic I guess. I lack agency. lack self advocacy.#I can't get my meds so I just resign myself to the worst two weeks I've had in a while as my body quits it suddenly.#and it's been rough. hella stomach issues. struggling with appetite. difficulty stomaching any food I do eat.#and I've been me for a while now. R is gone and I can't find her. she's hella checked out and I just have to wait for her to come back.#I tried reaching her this morning and I can't find her. the stomach issues and the constant headaches and just pain in general drove her of#I guess. so I've been on my own which is weird. even when I'm running things she's usually still backseat gaming#but I'm alone in my head and it's kinda lonely. I miss her. I want things to level back out so she comes back.#she's the one with the drive. the motivation. the laughter and fun. I'm just dour and stoic and I miss her#I don't want to go back on the psych meds. I don't want to risk this kind of thing again#I want to learn to handle my mood swings on my own. want to learn to deal with it myself instead of having this chemical risk#because these last two weeks have genuinely been hell and I don't want to ever risk this again. so no meds again#I'm still on the antidepressants and I want to stay on those. but not the mood meds. too much of a risk#idk. my head isn't clear right now so maybe I'll decide to go back on them. maybe R will put us back on them when she's back#we'll find out I guess
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yardsards · 1 year ago
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those funny tumblr comics weren't lying, senshi dungeonmeshi DOES materialize in your brain to encourage you to practice basic self care
me (tired, walking back to car from airport): i'm kinda hungry but ehhh, i'll just wait til i get home. no need spending money when i have food at home i can cook. besides, i ate well this past week, i can afford to skip just one meal.
the senshi that lives in the shared singular brain cell of every dungeon meshi fan: it's been nearly 6 hours since you last ate, and it'll take at least another hour and a half for you to get home. if you wait that long to eat, you'll get sick with hunger!
me: hmmm, yeah. i think i've got a baggie with like a handful of crisps at the bottom of my backpack. and a few pieces of candy in my purse. i could probably eat those to tide me over?
self care senshi: that's no good, you need way more than that. you can afford to pay for a restaurant; you CAN'T afford to risk putting yourself and everyone else out there in danger by driving while distracted by hunger.
me: you're right... i'll find a diner nearby to stop at.
(also the diner food was good + when i sat down to eat i realized i was starting to get a hunger headache that could have progressed into a migraine if i left it unmanaged. thank you imaginary senshi.)
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thebibliosphere · 2 years ago
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Every time someone well-meaning suggests I see a chiropractor for my migraines, I have this little moment of "ah, you're new here. You weren't here prior to 2018 when a chiropractor very gently adjusted my neck for my migraines, and I ended up having to get an emergency MRI because the ensuing symptoms were indicative of a brain bleed."
It wasn't a brain bleed. The muscles on the entire right side of my neck "just" tore (Spoiler there is nothing "just" about that kind of traumatic injury. I am still in physical rehab for it), and I couldn't hold my head up, see straight, walk or do any of the things I'd previously taken for granted until several weeks later when the area finally started to heal.
This was before I knew I had Ehlers Danlos, btw. But this is true even for people who don't have a connective tissue disorder: Don't let chiropractors touch your neck.
There are a lot of vital nerves and blood vessels there, and even gentle adjustments of the area can have life-threatening consequences.
I know chiropractic care can be pain relieving--I still get it for my lower back and hips because I work with a chiropractor who knows about Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, and sometimes my hips need to be popped back in at short notice, and it's easier to hop walk in and see her than wait for physical therapy--but it is a short-term relief that doesn't actually correct why something is happening.
If you can afford it, physical therapy will likely help more in the long term. I know not everyone can afford it, and that's why chiropractors have such a booming trade in the US, but please, I'm begging you, don't get your neck adjusted.
The spinal cord specialist I saw after my injury told me the number one reason he used to see people for traumatic brain injuries was car wrecks, followed by other major roadside injuries. He said those numbers were still the highest, but after that, the majority of his patients were survivors of chiropractic injury.
Do Not Get Your Neck Adjusted.
It's been over 5 years, and I still can't move my neck properly on my right side. I still struggle to eat and drink because my muscles will randomly seize up. It feels like my skull no longer fits on top of my spine because of the scar tissue. Please. I just want people to be safe.
And if you are a chiropractor reading this and thinking, "Well, I've never injured anyone, skill issue." No. You Have Gotten Lucky. Rethink how you apply your trade. Please, you can still help people while recommending safer options for specific body parts. Learn to do pressure point release and acupressure. Teach patients how to stretch and relax the area safely. Just fucking stop cracking people's necks like pop rock candy.
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whosashan · 3 months ago
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I'VE GOT MY EYES ON YOU
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PAIRING: Love and Deepspace men x reader
SYNOPSIS: How you and him started dating.
A/N: Hope you enjoy!
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Xavier
The moment you laid eyes on Xavier, you knew you had to have him. How could you not? That strikingly handsome face, those curious blue eyes, and an effortlessly captivating presence—it was impossible to resist.
The first time you approached him was at a grocery store. Your heart pounded against your ribs, threatening to break free from your chest, but you forced yourself to remain composed. Summoning your courage, you struck up a conversation.
He didn’t seem particularly interested, responding with brief, lackluster answers.
‘It’s fine, he’ll warm up to me,’ you assured yourself, determination flickering in your gaze. You had never pursued a man before, but this time was different. There was something about him—something magnetic—that refused to let you walk away.
Somehow, you managed to secure his phone number, and you wasted no time texting him, attempting to revive the conversation from earlier.
With persistence, you chipped away at his guarded demeanor, gradually uncovering bits and pieces of who he was. One particularly useful detail you learned? He lived close by. Another? His cooking skills were, to put it lightly, atrocious.
‘Perfect,’ you mused, making a beeline for your kitchen. It was time to put those cooking classes to good use.
Weeks turned into months, and an unspoken routine formed between the two of you—you would cook, and he would eat. As cliché as it was, the old saying held true: the way to a man’s heart really was through his stomach. Your bond deepened, not in a whirlwind of passion, but in slow, comfortable moments. And you didn’t mind one bit.
Late-night arcade outings, spontaneous hangouts, and occasional movie nights became the norm. And every time he fell asleep beside you, his face soft, his messy hair falling over his slightly flushed cheeks, your heart stuttered in your chest.
But with familiarity came a new problem: you had started to care, truly care, and with that realization, your once-unshakable confidence wavered. Flirting had been easy before, playful and teasing, but now? Now, every word felt heavier, every glance more meaningful. And the worst part? You were sure he didn’t even notice.
The final straw came when you noticed a certain colleague of his getting too close for your liking. That was it. You couldn’t put this off any longer.
“Hey, Xayxay, can you meet up? I want to talk to you about something,” you texted, before promptly throwing your phone onto your bed as if that would somehow lessen the weight of your nerves.
You waited. And waited.
It felt like an eternity.
Then, a sudden knock at your door.
You nearly tripped over yourself in your rush to open it. And there he was—Xavier, slightly breathless, eyes laced with concern, like he had practically run to get here.
“Did something happen?” he asked, stepping inside with the ease of someone who had long since made themselves at home in your space. And you loved that.
You sighed, wringing your hands together.
“Look, I don’t want to put this off any longer…” You hesitated, biting your lip. “Xavier, I like you. More than a friend.”
You braced yourself for rejection. But instead, you were met with his puzzled stare.
“…Aren’t we dating?”
“…What?”
“…What?”
So, it turned out you had nothing to worry about after all.
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Zayne
On your way home, you stepped into a charming little pastry shop near the hospital. The aroma of freshly baked goods filled the air, making your mouth water in anticipation. You could already picture yourself sinking your teeth into a rich, decadent cake.
As you stood in line, your gaze landed on a man whose face was so strikingly handsome it felt almost unfair. There was an air of quiet composure about him, an effortless grace that made it nearly impossible to look away. You found yourself studying him, mind racing with ways to strike up a conversation. How often did you come across someone this captivating?
"Excuse me, sir." Your voice took on a honeyed sweetness that made you cringe internally, but desperate times called for desperate measures. "You seem like quite the pastry connoisseur. I don’t come here often, so I’d love a recommendation." A harmless lie.
He turned his gaze toward you, expression unreadable. Crossing his arms, he seemed to consider your question carefully before responding.
"If you’re looking for something light, the macarons are an excellent choice. If you prefer something more substantial, the caramel cheesecake is exquisite." His tone was smooth, assured—like a man who always knew the right answer.
At least he had good taste.
"Ahh, thank you! I’ll definitely try both," you said, flashing him a bright smile. Then, before you could lose your nerve, you added, "If you’re not busy, maybe we could enjoy them together here?"
Where had this sudden boldness come from?
He studied you for a moment, as if weighing his options. Then, with a small nod, he answered, "I do have a break from work right now. Alright."
You nearly leapt with joy, but just as you were about to celebrate internally—
"Ahh, Y/N! My favorite customer! What can I get for you today?" the cashier called out cheerfully.
You froze. Busted.
Despite the momentary embarrassment, the interaction led to an exchange of phone numbers. You didn’t get to see Zayne often due to his demanding career as a doctor, but he always found time to text back, even indulging your occasional rants. Sometimes, he even called. The slow progression of your relationship was something you treasured, a delicate dance of growing affection.
Time passed, and though you longed to ask Zayne out, you hesitated. He almost seemed too good to be true. Would he ever truly be interested in you?
Then, there were the little things—how his gaze lingered a second too long, how his hand seemed to hover over yours before pulling away, how, despite his overwhelming schedule, he always carved out time for you. Were those hints? Or were you reading too much into it?
Your thoughts were abruptly interrupted by the soft ping of a notification. Your heart jumped as you picked up your phone. A message from Zayne.
"Are you free tonight?"
Such a simple text, yet it sent heat rushing through your body.
"For sure! What do you want to do?" you replied, fingers trembling slightly as you awaited his response.
"I’d love to take you out."
Your breath hitched. Take you out. As in… a date?
You stared at the message, searching for any alternate meaning, but there was none.
"I would love that, Zayne," you finally typed, hands shaking.
"Lovely. I’ll pick you up at 7."
You practically sprinted to your room to get ready.
The evening was nothing short of perfect. He took you to a refined restaurant, surprising you with a bouquet of your favorite flowers—proof that he had been listening all along. The air between you was charged with something different, something new yet thrilling.
After dinner, the two of you strolled beneath a sky blanketed with stars, the crisp night air adding an almost cinematic touch to the moment.
"You’re shivering," he observed, his voice as calm and measured as ever. Without hesitation, he slipped off his coat and draped it over your shoulders, the warmth of the fabric—and of him—enveloping you.
"Thank you…" you murmured, smiling softly but avoiding his gaze, afraid he’d see just how deeply he affected you.
"Y/N." He came to a halt, prompting you to stop as well. His tone was composed, yet there was an unfamiliar weight behind it.
"I would love to take you out more… What I mean is, would you do me the honor of being my girlfriend?" His face remained impassive, but you swore you caught the faintest hint of a blush gracing his cheeks.
Your heart nearly exploded.
"I would love nothing more, Zayne."
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Rafayel
Being an art enthusiast, you often found yourself wandering through exhibitions, losing yourself in the beauty of each piece. Tonight, however, felt different. This was Rafayel's exhibition—a name that had long held a certain power over you. His art possessed an almost hypnotic quality, evoking emotions so profound that you struggled to put them into words.
As you moved through the gallery, your gaze inevitably found him. Rafayel stood amidst a small group of admirers, answering their questions with an effortless confidence. His voice was smooth, steady, rich with an underlying intensity that made it impossible to ignore.
But it wasn’t just his voice that captivated you. He was a masterpiece himself—dressed in a crisp white blouse, his dark hair slightly tousled, his sharp eyes carrying a quiet depth. There was something about the way he carried himself, as if knowing the effect he had on people.
You didn't want to appear as just another admirer swooning over the artist. Your fascination went beyond that—you were genuinely intrigued by his mind, his process. So, when the crowd around him began to disperse, leaving him momentarily alone, you took a steadying breath and approached him. He stood before one of his paintings, his gaze heavy with contemplation.
"You truly know how to capture a moment," you mused, your voice steady but tinged with admiration. "This piece in particular—it feels almost melancholic, like someone longing for something just out of reach."
Rafayel’s eyes flicked toward you, scanning your face, weighing your words. For a brief moment, you feared he might dismiss you with the same aloofness he granted others, but instead, his lips curved into something almost thoughtful. And just like that, an unspoken understanding passed between you, giving way to a conversation that carried on far longer than you had expected.
That first meeting was the spark. You found yourself returning to his exhibitions more often, drawn not just to his art but to him. It became a quiet routine—the two of you engaging in deep discussions, learning the intricacies of each other's thoughts and mannerisms. At first, Rafayel maintained his usual air of arrogance, teasing and enigmatic, but with time, you glimpsed something more—something raw and unguarded beneath the facade.
It wasn’t long before your admiration deepened into something more. You had fallen for him, hopelessly so. And you liked to think, in stolen moments of lingering glances and fleeting touches, that perhaps he felt the same.
One evening, you found yourself in his studio, sitting on the floor as he worked, the only sounds being the occasional stroke of his brush against canvas. The atmosphere was comforting, intimate in a way words couldn’t quite capture.
“You’re unusually quiet,” he remarked, his tone laced with amusement. You rolled your eyes, looking up at him from your spot on the floor.
“And you’re talkative, as always.” A soft smile played on your lips as you stood and walked toward him.
“Rafayel, can I ask you something?” The hesitation in your voice made him pause. He turned to face you, one brow arched in curiosity.
“Why so serious?” he asked, studying you intently.
You scoffed lightly. “Never mind, then.”
He let out a small sigh. "You’ve already started. Might as well finish."
You hesitated for a beat before finally speaking. “Do you… have someone you like? More than a friend, I mean.”
For a fleeting second, something unreadable passed through his gaze. Then, a slow smirk tugged at his lips. “Curious, aren’t you?”
“Maybe.”
He exhaled a quiet chuckle before answering, “There is someone. She’s insufferably stubborn, a little reckless, and quite possibly the clumsiest person I’ve ever met.” His gaze softened, a rare warmth creeping into his tone. “And yet, she’s also the most endearing.”
Your heart pounded against your ribs. “You need to be more specific.”
He rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “If you weren’t so oblivious, you’d figure it out.”
A teasing smile spread across your lips. “Wait—are you talking about me?” You nudged him playfully.
He said nothing, his focus returning to his painting.
Oh.
“YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT ME?” you blurted, eyes wide with disbelief.
“Don’t flatter yourself. It’s just a small crush,” he scoffed, though the faint pink dusting his ears betrayed him.
A laugh bubbled out of you, pure and unrestrained. “Aww, Rafayel! I like you too.”
His expression flickered with surprise before he quickly masked it with his usual confidence. “Of course you do. Who wouldn’t?”
Despite his words, his actions spoke differently—pulling you into his arms, he pressed a tender kiss to your temple, lingering for just a moment longer than necessary.
Perhaps, just this once, he didn’t mind wearing his heart on his sleeve.
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Sylus
Sleep had eluded you, leaving you restless and craving the crisp night air. The city was bathed in the gentle glow of streetlights, the sky an endless expanse of inky black adorned with shimmering stars. Their quiet brilliance was captivating, an ethereal distraction that kept your gaze skyward as you wandered aimlessly through the quiet streets.
Lost in thought, you didn’t notice the figure in your path until you collided with him.
“Oh! I’m so sorry—” you started, but your words caught in your throat as you looked up at him.
The man before you was striking. Towering in stature, his silver hair gleamed beneath the moonlight, tousled in a way that made it appear effortlessly elegant. But it was his eyes that truly seized your breath—deep crimson, piercing and intense, as if they could unravel every secret hidden within you. His features were sharp, sculpted to perfection, and his presence exuded an air of undeniable dominance.
He regarded you with a smirk, his amusement evident.
“Worry not, sweet thing,” he murmured, his voice a velvety caress against your senses. The smoothness of his tone sent a shiver down your spine, deepening the warmth blooming in your cheeks. His gaze flickered over your face, noting your reaction, and his smirk grew ever so slightly.
Only then did you realize what else you had stumbled upon. A few feet away, a man knelt on the pavement, head bowed, his entire posture trembling before the silver-haired stranger. The sight sent unease prickling up your spine.
What exactly had you just walked into?
The silver-haired man followed your gaze before exhaling softly. “Ah,” he mused, as if debating what to say. “A young lady like you shouldn’t be wandering alone at this hour. The night is filled with monsters, after all.”
The way he said it, with that knowing glint in his crimson eyes, sent a fresh wave of unease through you. Somehow, you knew he wasn’t speaking metaphorically. But instead of pressing for answers, something in you decided it was best not to ask.
“I was just out for some air. I should…probably head home now.” You forced a steady voice, willing your body not to betray the apprehension creeping into your bones. Every instinct in you screamed to run, yet your legs remained locked in place, unwilling to reveal your fear.
He tilted his head slightly, watching you. Then, with a slow, deliberate movement, he crossed his arms over his broad chest. “Allow me to escort you.”
Your breath hitched. “You seem more dangerous than whatever else is lurking out here.”
A rich chuckle escaped him, dark and amused. “A fair observation.” He leaned in slightly, his gaze never wavering. “But that decision, my dear, is entirely yours.”
Despite every warning sign flashing in your mind, you hesitated. There was something about him—his presence was undeniably commanding, yet oddly reassuring. And then, there was the nagging feeling that he was familiar, though you couldn't place why.
Eventually, you gave a small nod, curiosity overpowering reason.
And so began your entanglement with Sylus. The enigmatic man came and went like a shadow, slipping in and out of your life at his whim. Some nights, he would appear unexpectedly, gifting you your favorite sweets or leaving a new dress draped across your doorstep with no explanation. Tickets to your favorite concerts would mysteriously find their way into your mailbox, the sender unstated but obvious.
It was infuriating. It was intoxicating. He was impossible to understand, yet he made you feel desired—seen in a way no one else ever had.
But after monthsof his unpredictable vanishing acts, your patience wore thin. So when he strolled into your apartment one evening, pouring himself a glass of the wine you had bought earlier, you finally snapped.
“You’re confusing me,” you blurted, frustration lacing your tone. “What am I to you, Sylus?”
He glanced at you, his expression unreadable. He raised the glass to his lips but paused, considering your words. Slowly, he set the drink down and approached you, his crimson eyes locking onto yours. When he reached out to cup your cheek, you instinctively pushed his hand away, resolve burning in your gaze.
He sighed. Vulnerability did not come easily to him; that much was clear. But you were different. You had made him a little softer, a little weaker in ways he didn’t quite understand.
“I can’t keep living in uncertainty,” you continued, voice steadier now. “Either tell me what you want, or leave me alone.”
A beat of silence stretched between you before he spoke, his voice low, certain.
“I want you.”
The simplicity of the statement sent your heart racing. You hadn’t expected him to be so direct, nor for his words to carry such weight.
Your face grew hot. “You’re an idiot.”
A quiet chuckle rumbled in his chest as you sighed, resting your head against him, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. He smelled of something rich and warm, a scent you couldn’t quite place but already found comforting.
“You’re lucky you’re cute,” you mumbled, a small smile tugging at your lips.
Sylus merely hummed in amusement, his arms wrapping around you with the quiet possessiveness of a man who had no intention of letting go.
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Caleb
After your reunion with Caleb, an unfamiliar feeling took root in your chest—no, not unfamiliar. It had always been there, buried beneath layers of friendship and denial. But now, it was impossible to ignore. Suddenly, you were hyper-aware of just how much of a man he had become.
His kind yet brooding eyes, that boyish grin, the intoxicating scent that lingered on his clothes—had he always smelled this good? Broad shoulders, strong arms, hands that had always handled you with ease, lifting you effortlessly whenever. The thought alone sent heat creeping up your cheeks, and the man sitting across from you clearly took notice.
“What’s got you all blushy-blushy, pipsqueak?” he teased, pinching your cheek with that infuriatingly smug smirk.
You scoffed, turning your face away. “Don’t touch my face, Caleb! I have makeup on.”
Lately, you’d found yourself caring more about your appearance around him. It was absurd. He’d seen you at your absolute worst—bedhead, tears, even the aftermath of too much liquor. Yet now, every glance he sent your way made you feel… shy? What was happening to you?
He only chuckled in response, leaning back against his chair.
The two of you had met up at a café to play Kitty Cards, an old favorite. He always let you win, though he never admitted it. You pretended not to notice, but every time you did, it made you smile—just a little.
“Alright, come on. The movie’s gonna start soon.” He stood, extending his hand toward you. Without hesitation, you took it, savoring the warmth of his rough palm against yours.
The movie of choice was a horror film—Caleb’s idea, of course. You had agreed, partly to humor him and partly because any excuse to spend more time with him was welcome.
Inside the theater, you sat beside him, the glow of the screen illuminating his sharp features. The flickering light made his eyes glimmer, and for a moment, you were caught staring. You quickly looked away, but not before he noticed. Of course he noticed.
“You’re acting weird.” His gaze lingered on you, his voice laced with curiosity.
“I—uh—I’m on my period,” you blurted, grasping for an excuse. “That’s all. I just feel a little unwell.”
His expression softened instantly. “You should’ve told me. Do you want to go home? I’ll cook you some soup, and we can watch something there instead.”
There he was again—always caring, always thinking of you. It made your heart race, and you hated how easily he could do that to you.
“No, it’s fine. Let’s just watch the movie.”
As the film progressed, it proved to be far scarier than you’d anticipated. Without realizing it, you had latched onto Caleb’s hand. He chuckled at your reaction but didn’t pull away.
Then came the jump scare.
Out of reflex, you turned toward him, seeking comfort. But at the same moment, he turned toward you.
Peck.
Your lips brushed against his.
Your breath hitched. His eyes widened slightly, and for a few heart-stopping seconds, neither of you moved. Neither of you spoke. Just stared.
“I’m so sorry!” you yelped, whipping your head away in mortification.
“Hey, it’s fine, pipsqueak.” He gave you a reassuring smile. “It was an accident.”
You didn’t know why, but his words stung a little.
“…Yeah.”
By the time you returned home, your shoulders were weighed down with something heavy, something unspoken. It gnawed at you, clawed at your chest.
Caleb, as if sensing your turmoil, placed his hands on your shoulders, turning you to face him. “Alright, that’s enough. Tell me what’s wrong.”
You swallowed hard, your gaze dropping to the floor before gathering the courage to meet his eyes.
“Caleb… would it be selfish of me if I said I want to kiss you again?”
Silence. A single, tense moment stretched between you, thick enough to drown in. Then, without a word, he reached for you. His hands cupped your face, disregarding your earlier complaint about ruining your makeup, and with a quiet exhale, he pressed his lips to yours.
The kiss was brief, tender—yet it held the weight of something long overdue.
In that moment, you knew he was no longer only your best friend.
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undressrehearsal · 1 year ago
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dare to be stupid
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summary: a drunken game of truth or dare overtakes your study session
tags: NSFW, tlou au, college!ellie/reader, mentions of drugs, alcohol, drunk sex, oral (r receiving)
a/n: listen idk how this turned into 7.5k. idk what happened. also this is my first time writing smut. idk if the sex is good but it was already so long. if y'all like this one i'll write a sequel or something idk
part 2
“Truth or dare?” 
It had become a tradition for the two of you shortly after moving in together. It was common for the air in your tiny apartment to grow heavy, the stress and anxiety tangible in the air - often around midterms or finals, or if your roommate had a particularly infuriating project. During these times when the bags under your eyes grew too heavy to carry or the lines around your roommate's mouth deepened into canyons, one of you would barge into the other's bedroom - frequently in disarray with notes and textbooks strewn across every surface - slam a bottle of vodka down on the desk, and utter those stupid, little three words, and the game would begin.
And so you didn't even jump when you heard your bedroom door slam against the wall, heavy boots against the carpet. You had been bent over your desk for so long that your neck ached, your eyes swimming with letters that didn't quite make sense and didn't fit into any of the medical terms laid out on your flashcards. When Ellie slammed the bottle of vodka on your desk, you blinked your eyes clear and looked up to meet her eyes. 
She smirked when she said, “Truth or dare?” 
You didn't waste time in clearing off your desk, shoving your books and cards aside into a toppling pile. Ellie, without waiting for permission, set a shot glass down in front of you, kicked off her boots, and plopped back onto your bed. 
Scooting your chair closer, you propped your feet up against the mattress, pursed your lips, and said, “Truth.” 
Ellie groaned, flopping over onto her side and propping her chin in her hand. She had stripped off her jacket, leaving her in a dark t-shirt that almost made her skin look pale in the low light from your desk lamp. “You're such a fucking pussy.” 
You rolled your eyes even as a grin pulled at your lips. “I've known you for too long, Els, and I know that I need a few shots before I'm willing to shove anything anywhere for your amusement. So, respectfully, eat my ass.” 
“You'll have to dare me to,” she quipped back immediately. She wrinkled her nose as you choked back a laugh, tapping a finger against her lips. You tried to ignore how endlessly cute it was as she said, “Where's the weirdest place you've pissed?” 
Another sound burst from your lips, some mixture of a laugh and a shout. You gaped at her, watching as a laugh crept up, a smile tugging at her lips. 
Shaking your head, you said, “Weird, but that's a pretty tame one. Not gonna ask me about my favorite sex position or if I ever snuck drugs into our dorm room last year?” 
Ellie only shrugged. “Gotta warm you up a bit first, babe.” You ignored the way your heart jumped at such an innocent word. After a moment's pause, she added, “But have you?” 
“You'll just have to ask me. One truth per round, bitch.” You pretended to think about it for a moment, though you already had your answer. “Okay, so you remember when we first signed the lease here and we were a bit short on rent?” 
Ellie nodded, her brows furrowed in confusion. 
“Like, a week before it was due, some girl on Tinder hit me up. She was passing through town and only staying for the night, and she was bored. So, she paid me.” 
Ellie's frown deepened. “To, what, have sex with her?” 
Laughter bubbled up your chest as you said, “No, she paid me to piss in her mouth.” 
There was silence for several long moments. Ellie’s jaw hung loose, her eyes wide as she simply stared at you. Several emotions flashed across her face like a movie reel - confusion, shock, disbelief - before finally landing on pure, unfiltered amusement. The corners of her lips quirked up, her open mouth turning up at the corners until a loud, sharp laugh burst from her throat. When Ellie laughed - really, truly laughed - she did it with her chest, a sound so fathomless and full it filled up whatever room she was in. 
In your small bedroom, her laughter bounced off the walls, echoing in the alley outside of your open window. You couldn’t contain your own giggles, muffling your laughter with a hand over your mouth, snorting as Ellie buried her face in your mattress. 
When she finally looked up, her eyes filled with tears, she only said, around her subdued giggles, “How much?” 
You grinned. “$200.” 
Ellie’s mouth fell open again - you’d have to pick it up from the floor at this rate. “Dude, you’re fucking with me.” 
“I swear,” you said, holding up your hand like a scout. “I’ll show you the Venmo if you don’t believe me.”
Ellie fell back against the bed, throwing her head back. “You have to go find this chick on Missed Connections, she can help with the rent.” 
You threw one of your pens at her. Catching it in midair, she stuck the end in her mouth to chew on it. You wrinkled your nose at her, but she only grinned, the pen hanging from the corner of her lips. 
“You're so gross,” you said, though you were still giggling. 
“Bold words from you, Piss Girl. That's, like, the worst superhero name in existence.” 
You threw your hands up, trying your hardest to glare at her and failing miserably. “Hey, $200 is $200. I'm not one to kinkshame.” Ellie threw the pen back at you. You grimaced when it hit your arm, leaving a small spot of spit on your sleeve before clattering to the floor. “God, it's your turn. Truth or dare, bitch?”
Propping herself up on her elbows, Ellie said, “Dare.” A grin pulled at her lips, her voice low as she added, “Because I'm not a fucking pussy.” You stuck your tongue out at her, ignoring her when she mockingly said, “Mature.” 
Your desk was pressed up next to the only window in the room, cracked open to let the cool autumn air in. Your curtains fluttered in the breeze, the dying sunlight creeping in, casting light like liquid gold over Ellie’s skin. As you thought, scrambling to think of a suitable dare, you could not control how your eyes grazed over her exposed skin, the sunlight dipping in her collarbones like pools of ichor. 
Blinking, you met her eyes once more, your throat tight. Your words came out almost choked when you said, “Okay, I dare you to make a spicy two-sentence story about something in this room.”
Ellie scoffed, sitting up and kicking her legs over the side of your bed. “I’m gonna take a wild guess that your drawer of sex toys is off limits?” 
You sputtered, stammering over your own tongue as you felt heat rush to your ears. “Yes, that’s off limits. You don’t even know what’s in there!” 
Ellie hummed, standing up from the bed and taking a few steps around the room. She didn’t look at you, but you could hear that fucking smirk when she said, “That’s what you think, babe.” 
You watched her, tracking her movements as she slowly stepped around your room, scanning for inspiration. Your bedroom was about what you’d expect from a broke, overworked college student - aside from the furniture that came with the place, it was pretty barren. Ellie scanned the little touches you did have - her finger traced over the Funko Pop of Zuko on your bedside table, her eyes lingering on the pile of fantasy books you kept atop your dresser. She smiled at the posters hung crookedly on your walls, depictions of your favorite video games. She hummed again, looking back at you over her shoulder. 
“So many options to choose from,” she murmured, running her finger along your jewelry box. She had her face turned away, so you could only see the corner of her smirk as she lifted the lid, pulling one of your necklaces from its home. You watched her warily as she approached you, the chain dangling from her slim fingers. She stepped behind you, out of your line of sight, and slipped the necklace over your head, the cold metal resting against your collarbone. 
“She looped the chain around her lover’s neck like a collar,” Ellie said. You felt her cool fingers against the back of your neck, hooking around the chain and pulling it gently against your throat. You coughed against the awkward silence; your roommate had always been a little handsy, but this was something else entirely. What the fuck is she doing? you thought. “She pulled it taut against her throat and leaned in to whisper,” you felt Ellie’s lips against your ear, her rough voice sending a chill up your spine when she murmured, “good girl.”
Reaching back, you shoved Ellie’s head away; her laughter echoed through the room as she rounded in front of you, sitting back against your bed and grinning. 
“Oh, you’re so fucking proud of yourself aren’t you?” you teased, trying - and failing - to keep your cheeks from turning red. Your skin felt aflame, a tingle lingering right where Ellie’s lips had pressed to your ear. You rubbed at the spot under the pretense of scratching your head, willing the feeling to go away. 
Your heart was pounding so hard you could hardly hear her when she said, “Hell yeah, I am. I should’ve been an English major. I could write a whole fucking slutty novel and get famous. I'm an expert - I've done enough research.” 
You rolled your eyes at her cocky smile, but Ellie only winked at you. 
This is how your truth or dare games went - with Ellie being far too cocky, prancing around doing whatever dares you could think of and asking any outrageous questions that popped into her pretty little head; and you, simply trying your damnedest to keep up with her. You flailed, flustered, when she asked you about your toy collection, and begrudgingly relented when she dared you to bring out your favorite. Ellie took a shot before you had even finished daring her to text her last hookup (“I’m not reopening that bag of crazy,” she said, scrunching her nose at the taste.) You took a shot when she dared you to go mix all of the liquids in the fridge (which included pickle juice, old broths, and orange juice) into one amalgamation and chug it (“I’d rather chug the rest of the vodka, Els.”) 
“Truth,” you said before Ellie could even ask the question. You were three shots in and could feel that lightness pressing against your temples, just at the threshold of tipsy. You had moved to join Ellie on your bed, where you sat with your back against the headboard and Ellie’s head on your thigh. The vodka bottle was balanced precariously between you. 
Ellie rolled her eyes, but looked up at you and asked, “Out of our friend group, who have you fantasized about the most?” 
She had not even finished her sentence before you served yourself a shot, a few drops splattering on your shirt. Wincing at the taste, you looked back down at Ellie; her eyes were lit up like a Christmas tree, her jaw slack.
“Don’t-” 
“You have to,” she interrupted you, pinching your thigh and grinning when you squirmed away. “You have to tell me. You can’t leave me hanging here - you didn’t even let me finish the question!” 
“Why did you even assume I’ve fantasized about any of our friends-” 
“Because I know you.” She was scrambling up now, unsteady in her movements as she came to her knees in front of you, leaning back against her heels. She planted a firm hand on your thigh - your skin was still warm where her head had been - leaning into it, her eyes drawing so close you could almost see every speck within the hazel. “And I know that bitches like us always have somebody in the group they fantasize about. So, who is it?” 
“Bitches like us?” you repeated, raising your brow. You were sure each line of her palm was going to be branded into your thigh. “So, there’s somebody you think about too?” 
Ellie’s smile was on the very edge of teasing, a small quirk at the corner of her lips that screamed at you just how wrapped around her finger you were - and, somehow, she didn’t even know it. Her voice was low, nothing more than a murmur that you could practically feel in your own chest when she said, “You really wanna know?” You didn’t answer - couldn’t, really, not when her fingers dug into your thigh and you could count each freckle across her nose. You couldn’t answer when she leaned in closer, her warm breath brushing against your cheeks, smelling of the weed you knew she had smoked that afternoon. You could hardly hear her over the rush of your own heart when she whispered, “You’ll just have to ask me.” 
Maybe it was the vodka warming your chest, tingling in your fingers - or maybe it was the way the light from your lamp cast sharp shadows across Ellie’s face, turning her skin into liquid gold - but you did not push her away. Your grip tightened around the neck of the bottle, but you held her gaze when you said, “Truth or dare, Els?” 
Her voice was soft, her half-lidded eyes holding yours as she said, “Truth.” 
“Who have you fantasized about?” The words rushed out of you before you could hesitate.
And for a moment, you believed she would answer. You let yourself believe that she would give you the answer you craved. It prickled at your skin, raising goosebumps along your arm, spreading warmth through your stomach. But your roommate had never been so straight-foward - had never given you an easy answer. She wet her lips, drawing your eyes to her mouth involuntarily, but she only pried the vodka bottle from your fingers. She held your gaze as she raised it to her lips, drinking straight from the bottle without even wincing. 
“I can play that game too, baby.” She backed away, finally giving you a moment to breathe. She settled back against the wall, laying her arms over her knees, the bottle dangling from her fingers. The skin of your thigh still burned, branded with her fingerprints. 
You looked away, huffing out a laugh that you prayed sounded sincere. You could feel her eyes on you when you leaned your head back against the wall, counting the cracks in your ceiling like they were the most interesting thing in the whole world. “It’s getting late, Els,” you said, even as your phone flashed that it wasn’t even nine yet and here you were, too many shots in, your roommate’s presence like a fire blazing in your room. “I should get back to studying.” 
“Do you want to, though?” There was an edge to Ellie’s voice, as though that question was a dare itself. You lifted your head to look at her and found that she was already watching you, her eyes soft in the dim light. 
You took a deep breath - and the vodka must have reached your brain, because before she could ask, you said, “Dare.”
You could see the vodka in the lazy tilt of her smile, in the way her head lolled against the wall. Her eyes were half-lidded, and yet there was something hidden behind her slow, sleepy gaze, something you were too afraid to name - something you were sure was only the imagination of your tipsy fantasies. 
“Close your eyes,” Ellie said, words lazily falling from her lips, as deep and rich as the strings of a guitar. 
It took you several moments longer than usual to process what she had said. Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion, as if the two of you were underwater. You shouldn't have felt like this after a few shots - you'd usually only be tipsy at this point. But something about the way the shadows dipped into Ellie's collarbones and the way her shirt rode up, exposing her boxers and the sharp cut of her hips, was intoxicating on its own. 
So it took you several long, heavy moments to say, “What?” 
She chuckled, but there was no malice behind it. There was something soft in the tilt of her head, the way she tilted her chin down to look at you through her lashes. Her hair fell in her face, brushing against her nose; you fought the urge to brush it away, knowing that if you did you wouldn't be able to stop yourself from running your fingers through her hair. You wouldn't be able to stop yourself from grabbing a fistful of the auburn strands- 
“Close your eyes,” she repeated in that same honey-thick voice, breaking you from your thoughts. “For thirty seconds. And don't open them no matter what.” When you only stared at her for several silent moments, she added, “How long have we been friends? Don't you trust me?” 
And the thing was, you did. You trusted her with your entire heart, and so you closed your eyes, and you waited. 
You felt the bed shift next to you but you did not open your eyes. You did not open them when you felt her long fingers grip your shoulder as she struggled to steady herself. You felt her hair first, fine strands brushing against your cheek, smelling of sweat and her shampoo. You did not open your eyes, even when you felt the gentle press of a warm mouth against the side of your neck. You hardly dared to even breathe, your hands tangling in your sheets, afraid that you would not be able to control yourself otherwise. You counted the long, torturous seconds, biting down on your lip when you felt Ellie’s mouth part, the warmth of her tongue pressing against your pulse. 
You had counted to twenty-six when she pulled away, a chill settling over your skin where that warmth had been only seconds ago. When you got to thirty, you opened your eyes to find that Ellie had settled back into her spot, leaning back against the wall. The only sign that she had even moved was the thin sheen over her lips, wet with her own saliva, and a small, pleased smirk. 
You did not allow yourself to think about it, ignoring the way your skin burned where she had touched you as though she were a wildfire. You sounded breathless even to your own ears when you said, in barely more than a whisper, “Truth or dare?” 
“Truth.”
“What are we doing here, Ellie?” The words were out before you could stop them, slipping from between your teeth and hanging in the air like helium. The words felt almost tangible, and yet you couldn't grasp them, couldn't draw them back into your throat. 
For a moment, you thought Ellie would grace you with an answer. She opened her mouth, and you thought maybe she would finally stop playing this game and let you breathe. Instead, just like before, she brought the bottle to her lips and held your gaze. You tried not to watch the way her throat moved as she swallowed. 
She wiped her mouth on the back of her hand and recapped the bottle, settling it between you. “Truth or dare?” 
“Truth.” You felt you could no longer trust yourself with any dare she gave you. Your hands were already shaking from clenching the sheets.
“How would you rate your last kiss?” 
You squinted at her, confused by the innocence of the question after everything that had happened in the past hour (had it only been an hour?). “My last kiss was with that one girl I met at the bar a few weeks ago. She was drunk and way too sloppy, but she was hot. I guess I'd give it,” you paused, trying to remember the moment past the haze; you couldn't even remember the girl's name, “a six.” 
Ellie raised her eyebrows, her eyes widening. “A six?” She shook her head, clicking her tongue in disapproval. “You’ve got to be fucking with me. A girl like you deserves more than a six.” 
“A girl like me?” Your voice sounded deafening in the quiet. You thought it had started to rain; you could hear the pitter patter on your window, could see the way it broke up the streetlamps outside like a mosaic. 
Ellie was nodding almost absently, watching the rain. Her lips parted, and you didn’t expect her to hesitate before she said, “Yeah. A girl like you… deserves to be kissed like it’s the last gasp of air to someone drowning.” You watched her mouth as she spoke, even as your mind screamed at you to look away. You scolded yourself, screaming to end this now, but your body refused; it ached to draw her near, a tangible pain in your chest. “A girl like you should get one of those movie kisses - you know, like when the hero saves the day and shit and he kisses his girl and it’s like the world didn’t matter as long as he saved her. The kind that has the whole fucking theater holding their breath. A girl like you…. Fuck….” She trailed off her rambling. Ellie ran a rough hand through her hair, making the strands stick up at odd angles, and finally looked at you. There was a fire in her eyes, blazing in the dim light. “You deserve to be kissed like they’ll die if they can’t have you.” 
Something had stopped in your chest - maybe it was your breath, maybe it was your heart. Your blood rushed in your ears, and you feared the thrum of your heartbeat was so loud it filled your entire bedroom. Your traitorous heart pressed at your bedroom walls, filling up the space and leaving room for little else. 
Your voice was only a whisper, and you wanted to kick yourself when you said, “We should really go to bed. I have an exam tomorrow.” 
Your roommate pressed her lips together, and she did not break eye contact as she said, “Dare.” 
You shook your head, looking away from her to try, desperately, to break whatever spell had taken hold of you; but your eyes were drawn back to her as if she were the only fucking light in the dark. You had to get a hold of yourself before you did something you’d regret, but you felt intoxicated with something far stronger than the cheap vodka you had bought from Walmart. 
“You’re drunk, Els,” you said, and you sounded so breathless you may as well have given up then and there. 
Ellie leaned closer, holding your gaze, and you could see the exact shade of desire in her eyes. She was so fucking warm - your head spun from it, heat radiating from her skin when she planted a hand on the bed right next to your hip. Her wrist brushed against the bare skin under your shorts, and you felt her voice vibrating in your chest when she said, “Dare.” 
And it was like she had finally pulled the last fucking thread that made you unravel, because you couldn’t stop yourself - didn’t even think to - before you said, “Kiss me.” 
You only had a second to register the smile pulling at the edges of Ellie’s lips before she grabbed your face and pulled you in to smother it. You had never imagined what kissing Ellie would be like - had never allowed your imagination to wander so far over the edge - but she did not kiss like she was drowning. She kissed with the same slow gentleness as when she played the guitar, her long fingers plucking at the strings with the careful deliberation of a lover. 
And she felt so fucking warm. You were high with it; high with the heat radiating from her fingers pressed to your cheeks; high from the way her breath snaked past your parted lips, gentle huffs of warmth against your skin. Your head swam as you pressed into her, your hands tangling into the fabric of her shirt, fingers unsure even as you ached to pull her closer. 
Ellie pulled back for a moment - for only a moment, but each second her lips weren't on yours caused an ache in your chest. Her eyes hovered inches from yours, so fucking green it was dizzying - though you couldn't see much of the color passed the eclipse of her pupils. Her cheeks were flushed - from the vodka, from something else entirely - her freckles popping against the color. You could only imagine how you looked, could feel the desire written across every inch of your face. 
Your fists tightened in her shirt, and you used the leverage to pull her back into you; and suddenly, it felt like you were the one drowning. You couldn’t breathe as Ellie devoured you, the gentleness replaced with a hunger you hadn’t known lived inside her. She pressed her tongue against the seam of your mouth until you relented, opening up to her, a soft sound escaping your throat when her tongue ran along the roof of your mouth. 
That sound - nothing more than a breathy sigh - ignited something in Ellie. Suddenly, she was all teeth and tongue and hot, hot breath in your mouth, sucking your bottom lip between her teeth. She bit down when a shaky sigh forced its way from your throat, soothing it with her tongue and swallowing the moan it elicited. Her hands were in your hair, the strands twisted between her fingers, and when you bit down on her lip, she pulled - you gasped at the sharp pain on your scalp. 
“Fuck,” she cursed against your lips, and you could feel that single syllable, hot breath in your mouth that you wanted to swallow. She didn’t continue for a long time, couldn’t form any other words past the way her lips made you unravel. Her hands trailed down your shoulders, fingers grazing lightly over the bare skin of your arms, before finding your hips, gripping them in a vice and tugging you closer. “Fuck, come here,” she said, her voice nothing more than a low growl that you felt in your chest. 
And you were drunk - from the cheap vodka and sleep deprivation and Ellie. You were drunk on the way her eyes were eclipsed, her lips red and bitten and swollen, parted so you could feel each exhale against your cheeks. Her eyes were dark, hooded. Her fingers dug into your hips, and you were drunk, but shit, how the hell could you say no to her? How could you possibly say no when she was looking at you like she was starving? 
Her hands guided you closer so you swung a leg over her hips and settled in her lap, your hands braced on her shoulders. She leaned her head back against the wall and just looked at you for several long moments, biting down on her lip. You couldn’t stop watching her mouth, mesmerized as she said, “Fuck, look at you.” 
And then she was kissing you again, her hands gripping your hips like it was a lifeline. Your hands found their way to her hair, curling your fingers in the short locks, using it as leverage to pull her closer. You could feel how each point of your body fit into hers; your thighs against her legs, her hands curling perfectly over the swell of your hips. You could feel the swell of her breasts against your chest, and you so badly wanted to feel her skin against yours. You felt like you’d go crazy from the raw want radiating from your body. 
Ellie’s lips traced a map across your cheek, down your jawline. You tilted your head so she could kiss the hinge of your jaw, the spot right below your ear. She paused there, planting hot, open-mouth kisses across your neck, before her teeth bit down on that sensitive spot, pulling the skin into her mouth, and you practically melted into her. You couldn’t control the sounds falling from your lips like honey, gripping at her hair as she soothed the bruise with her tongue. 
“Ellie….” Your voice was nothing more than a whimper; you swallowed hard and tried again, pressing a hand firmly at her shoulder. “Ellie.” 
She only hummed against your skin, and you could feel the vibration against your pulse. The sound went straight to your stomach and dipped even lower when she bit at your collarbone. 
The next time you said her name, it came out as a moan; you cleared your throat. “We can’t do this - you’re drunk, Els.” 
Your roommate hummed again, but she relented, leaning her head back against the wall to look up at you. And - fuck. Her lips were red and swollen, still wet from the kiss. Her cheeks were flushed, and - God, her eyes. You had never understood the term bedroom eyes, but Ellie looked at you as though she wanted to devour you. Like any second her hands weren’t on you was torture. Like she wanted to bite and kiss and taste every inch of your skin. 
“Truth or dare,” she said, her voice so hoarse you had to clench your thighs around her hips. 
“What?” 
“Truth or dare,” she repeated, her eyes never leaving yours. And this wasn’t part of the game, but you played along anyway, unable and unwilling to tell her no. 
“Truth,” you sighed. 
One of Ellie’s hands traced up your side. She ran her fingers across your collarbone, up your throat, before stopping to cup your jaw, her skin rough against yours. “Do you want this?” 
You nodded, the vodka making it impossible to feel shy. 
“How long have you wanted this?” Ellie’s thumb pressed at the seam of your lips, and you let your mouth fall open. She watched, hypnotized, dipping just the tip of her thumb between your lips before withdrawing. 
It was against the rules - two questions for one truth - but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. “A long fucking time.” Your voice was weak and breathy, and you couldn’t bother to be embarrassed about that either. Your attention had narrowed in on Ellie, and the way her fingers skirted across your chest, the way her other hand gripped your hip - how you could feel the warmth of her thighs between your legs. 
Taking your chin in her hand, she drew you closer, and you could feel her lips moving against yours: “So what the hell is stopping us?” 
This time, when she kissed you, you did melt into her. You gripped her hair in your fists and swallowed the moan it drew from her, shivering when her teeth caught on your lip. She had both hands on your hips again, and she gripped them so hard you were sure you’d find bruises there in the morning in the shape of her fingers. She pulled you closer, pulling your hips down into her; the friction through your pajama shorts made you moan against her lips. 
And you decided to play her game. 
“Truth or dare?” you said, drawing away just enough to see the eclipse of her eyes. 
Ellie, always stubborn, murmured, “Dare.” 
You tugged at the hem of her shirt, your fingers brushing the warm skin beneath; you marveled at the shiver that ran through her body. You ducked your head to kiss along her jaw, pressing the words into her skin. “Take this off.” 
She didn’t waste any time tugging the shirt over her head, tossing it to the floor before skidding her fingers over the bare skin above your shorts. You lifted your arms and let her pull your shirt over your head before realizing you weren’t wearing anything beneath. Who wears a bra to study in their own apartment? 
But you didn’t have a moment to cover your body in embarrassment before Ellie’s lips were on you again, as if it pained her to not taste you for even a moment. Her hands spread across your back, pulling you into her as she peppered hot, open-mouthed kisses across your collar; you hissed when her teeth bit down over your collarbone, soothing the pain with her tongue. 
“Tell me to stop and I'll stop,” Ellie said, her voice muffled as she kissed down over your chest; you shivered when her teeth sank into the skin of your boob, sucking another bruise there. She certainly loved leaving her signature on any inch of your skin that her mouth could reach. 
You groaned low in your chest, your fingers tugging at her hair, pulling a gasp from her lips. You almost didn’t recognize your own voice - breathy and thick with desire - when you said, “Please don’t stop.” 
The next thing you knew, Ellie was shoving you off of her lap; your back hit the mattress, your head just barely missing the headboard, but you couldn’t even think about that. Your roommate was crawling over you, and you were hypnotized by the way her muscles tensed, her arms caging you against the bed. Her skin was fucking obscene, smooth plains stretching for miles, cast in liquid gold in the lamplight.
“God, look at you,” she said again, pressing a kiss to your clavicle. Her hand was like worn clay when it traced a teasing line over your hip. Her voice was muffled against your skin, but you caught the end of her sentence: “- so fucking pretty.” 
Your only response was a choked gasp when Ellie pressed the flat of her tongue to your nipple. You gripped her shoulder, feeling her lips close around you as she sucked your skin into her mouth; you winced when she released it, feeling her teeth graze maddeningly over your nipple. 
“Truth or dare?” she said into your skin, her voice vibrating in your bones. 
You groaned, gripping her shoulder when she licked a line over your other nipple. If you had thought about this (which, if anybody asked, you didn’t), you never would have imagined your roommate being such a fucking tease. 
She hummed, and you could feel the vibration in every nerve. For a moment, you couldn’t find your tongue, your voice caught in your chest until she released your skin with a pop of her lips. She looked up at you, batting her eyes, and dammit if your body didn’t arch, searching for her mouth again. 
Propping herself up on her elbows, she watched you through her lashes, an intoxicating smirk across her lips; they were still shining wetly. She broke you from your thoughts when she murmured, “Use your words, angel.” 
Your thighs clenched around her words, automatically and unconsciously. You were sure you could get drunk on the way her voice filled the room, rough and rich as the chords she played. It was through clenched teeth that you said, setting your pride aside, “Dare.” Your cheeks burned when it came out as a moan. 
You could feel her smile against your skin as she kissed down your stomach, silent for several long, torturous moments. You felt her teeth sink into your hip bone briefly, your hips jerking at the sensation. It earned you a chuckle before you felt Ellie’s hands pressing your hips into the mattress, holding you still. You groaned low in your throat when you felt her tongue against the skin over the band of your shorts, licking a stripe right above the fabric before taking the elastic between her teeth and tugging. You jumped when she released it, the band snapping back against your skin. You didn’t have to look at her to see the sparkle in her eye. 
You swore your heart stopped completely when she murmured, “I wanna go down on you.” 
Despite this game she was insistent on playing, it wasn’t said like a dare; it was said like a question, or a request. There was no expectation behind it. Ellie was asking, you realized with dizzying satisfation, for permission. 
“Fuck.” It came out as only a breath, a whisper against your tongue. Your fingers ached from gripping the sheets and she hadn’t even touched you yet. “Fuck,” you tried again, and it was a groan this time but at least it was louder. “Yeah. Yeah, please, fuck.” Words were just falling from your lips because when you looked down, Ellie - your roommate, your friend - was watching you, propped between your legs with that fucking smirk, and how could you possibly string together a complete sentence? 
And Ellie… didn’t. She didn’t follow up on her dare. Not immediately, at least. No, she took her sweet fucking time - always so damn precise, taking her time in hooking her fingers over the band of your shorts. She pulled them down so slowly you could feel every inch down your legs. And then you were lying beneath your roommate in nothing but your underwear - and dammit, if you had known this would be happening, you would have opted for something a little sexier than a cotton pair with constellations on them. 
Ellie smiled. “Cute,” she said, before sinking her teeth into the flesh of your thigh. You were thankful it was cold out - you’d have to wear layers to hide all the places her mouth had been. 
Your roommate ducked her head, and you gasped when you felt her press a featherlight kiss against the fabric of your underwear, right where warmth pooled between your legs. 
You huffed, twisting the sheets between your fingers. “God, you’re such an asshole - fuck-” You were cut off when Ellie licked a stripe up your panties, warm tongue pressing against your throbbing clit. You moaned at the relief, feeling the wetness of her mouth through the fabric. It wasn’t enough - you needed to feel her against you, needed her tongue to unravel you piece by piece. You pressed your hips down against her lips but her hands held you in place. 
You huffed out a breath, her name slipping from your lips when you moaned. “Ellie….” 
And then she was yanking your underwear down your hips; you gasped, lifting your ass to help her shove them down. She had only gotten them just below your knees before she was pressing back in, too impatient to finish the job. 
And - fuck, her mouth. Ellie’s mouth was fucking magic. You moaned into the quiet room when she pressed the flat of her tongue against your pussy, licking a stripe between your lips. You couldn’t control the curses slipping between your teeth when her tongue made teasing circles around your clit until you were whimpering, aching for her. She had released your hips to dig her fingers into your thighs, nails digging in, and you’d surely have crescent-shaped bruises there tomorrow - even more to cover up. You pressed your hips down against her, groaning, her name only a whisper: “Fuck, Els-” 
And then she finally, finally, gave you what you wanted. 
Ellie ate pussy like it was her fucking job, like she was clocking into a shift and working her ass off for those tips. She lapped at your clit like she was starving, pressing her lips against you until you were dizzy, your entire body tuned in to the warmth of her tongue and the gentle graze of her teeth. You shuddered when you felt that tongue press into your core, a brief pressure that pulled curses from your lips, words tripping over each other: “Ah - fuck - fuck, Ellie - oh my God, fuck-” 
It didn’t take long for tension to build in your stomach. You were intoxicated; you were tipsy, yes, but something about the way Ellie moved her tongue - long, slow circles around your clit, using the flat of her tongue to draw you closer to the edge - was like a damn drug. You got what you wanted: She unraveled you with her tongue, tugging curses from your lips. You could hear your own moans echoing against your quiet bedroom and you couldn’t even feel embarrassed about it. 
Ellie took your clit between her lips and sucked, pulling you into her mouth and-
A long, low moan pulled at your throat when you came. Your hand came up to grip at her hair, fingers twisting in the soft strands. She moaned when you pulled, and the vibration against every nerve pushed you further; you could feel your orgasm in your chest, could feel it trembling in your thighs. 
Ellie worked you through it, her tongue dancing against you as you rode out your high. She didn’t stop, pressing her lips against you, dipping her tongue into your core again, until you were shoving against her head, your hips bucking at the sensitivity. 
When she raised her head, she was grinning, that wicked, infuriating grin she always had when she was pleased with herself. She rested her head against your thigh for a moment, watching you as you blinked the stars from your eyes. You relaxed your fingers in her hair, smoothing your thumb across her temple. 
The only thing you could say, breathless and dizzy, was, “Fuck, Els. What the fuck?” 
Ellie laughed, the sound unarming the silence around you, the anxiety of what this meant. She pressed a kiss to your thigh, right over the little indentations where her nails had dug into the flesh, and just said, “Yeah?” 
You giggled, tugging at her hair gently. You looked down at your roommate - and you didn’t know what this meant for the two of you, but that could be a problem for tomorrow, when you weren’t drunk and sleep-deprived and naked beneath your friend. For now, you only said, “Truth or dare?” 
Ellie blinked, raising an eyebrow, and said, “Truth.” 
You considered not asking for a moment, unsure if you wanted to know, but curiosity pressed at you until you asked, “What do I taste like?”
The grin spread wider, Ellie’s eyes sparkling as she pushed herself up. She crawled up your body, taking a moment to press a kiss to your stomach, to the bruises she had left littered across your chest - you moaned when she took a nipple briefly into her mouth. She kissed her way up your neck, across your jaw, sucking at the skin beneath your ear - another fucking bruise to worry about. God, it was like she wanted her signature on you, branded in every inch of your skin. 
Her face hovered an inch above yours, propping herself up on her elbows, smirking. She leaned in close, leaving room for you to turn away if you wanted. Instead, you tilted your chin up and kissed her again. 
You wrinkled your nose at the metallic taste of yourself against her lips. You didn’t like it, the way your own scent wafted over you. But fuck if you didn’t open your mouth when you felt Ellie’s tongue pressing at the seam of your lips. She moaned when your tongue ran along the roof of her mouth, pressing into the taste of you. 
When she pulled back, her eyes were soft, her cheeks flushed. “Like that.” 
You rolled your eyes, turning your face away; you had to admit, even if you hated how you tasted - tasting yourself against her tongue sent a wave of heat between your legs all over again. You only said, “Gross.” 
Ellie leaned in again, and you felt her lips ghosting against your jaw. You felt her breath against your skin when she whispered, “Truth or dare?” 
You lifted your chin to give her access to your neck, sighing when she pressed a kiss against your pulse. “Truth.” 
Her breath huffed against you when she chuckled before raising her head to meet your eyes again, that same cocky smile spread across her lips. “Was that better than a six?” 
“Oh, fuck off.” You shoved against her until she rolled off of you. 
She flopped back against the mattress, still laughing, but she was holding her arm out for you. You only hesitated for a moment - but even if she was your roommate, she just made you see stars, so it’s not like cuddling would push against the boundary you had already broken. You curled into her, laying your head on her chest, the sports bra she was still wearing soft against your cheek.
You sighed, skimming your fingertips against the warm skin of her stomach. “Yeah,” you whispered before you could stop yourself. “Definitely better than a six.” 
You were starting to fall asleep, your eyes growing heavy, your study notes effectively forgotten. You burrowed into her further, wrapping your arm around her and pressing your fingers against her hip. You briefly wondered where the vodka bottle had ended up in the mess, but Ellie didn’t seem in any particular hurry to untangle herself from you, so you figured it could wait - surely it would be okay if she slept in your room for one night.
Just before you dozed off, you heard Ellie murmur, “You left the window open.” 
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duskbornraven · 25 days ago
Text
We've got this
An: I've had this in my head for a week at least. Forgive my ignorance of train lines (I googled as best as I could) and my rusty writing, it has been a minute since I've tried to write anything in a good long while.
Pairing: Jack Abbot x f!Reader
Warnings: General drunkenness, reader is a little hard on themselves, established relationship, age gap relationship, mild drunken angst, no use of y/n
Summary: You get a little too drunk at the bar and your boyfriend is kind enough to get you home.
Word Count: 3.1k
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Maybe it was a mistake not to eat before meeting Jack for drinks after your shift. But you had almost missed your train and after a long shift a cold drink or two with your boyfriend was all you had been thinking about since three. And you assumed you could handle yourself, it wasn't like you hadn't ever been out drinking before, you weren’t some college freshman anymore. 
You could most certainly not handle yourself as it turned out. 
You were only two drinks in and it was hitting you hard. Harder than you expected it to. You could tell you were pushing it based on the way Jack's brow furrowed ever so slightly when you laughed maybe a little too hard at a joke, that admittedly was only a little funny. The way his hand steadied you when you got up from the table. A tether making sure you didn't fall face first into anything. 
Those sure hands wrapping firmly around your upper arm without having to look when you stumbled on the way to the bathroom at one point. He gave you a scrutinizing look as you stabilized against the table. Soft brown eyes watching you carefully, doing little to hide his worry. 
But when the time came he let you walk slowly to the bar, with the promise of settling your tab. Stumbling off once more from the table towards the bar. You muscled through the crowd to the bar top and leaned forwards making sure your wallet was actually with you. 
Maybe that's when the other man slipped into the space beside you. Too close for comfort but not raising any real alarms in the crowded environment. It took you a moment to notice him in the crowd waiting for a bartender. But he seemed to notice you almost as soon as he joined you at the bar. A too friendly smile spreading across his features when you met his gaze. 
He didn't say anything at first, scanning the drinks on tap and taking up the space next to you. Meanwhile you managed to keep mostly upright on the cool wood in front of you. Waiting for someone to make their way down to your end of the bar. 
“Busy tonight” The stranger finally broke the silence between you. 
“Always busy on a Friday.” You shrugged still focused on the thinning crowd and busy staff. 
“You're here often then?” There was something in his tone you didn't like. Something too familiar. You finally turned to see his smirking face watching you, giving you a pointed up and down glance. 
“Couldn't be more cliche if you tried.” And he laughed at that, leaning in just a little. Almost close enough to smell the beer on his breath and the faint smell of cigarette smoke clinging to him. “I've only been a few times.” You add with a shrug, pulling back as much as you could in tight quarters. 
Before he could reply an arm snaked between the pair of you, another landing firmly on the bar to your right, effectively caging you against the bar top. A solid chest at your back as a familiar scent flooded your senses. 
“You doing alright?” You could feel the heat of his breath against the back of your neck, the low, familiar timbre of Jack’s voice just quite enough for you to hear as he leaned into you. 
You nodded, focusing on the bar and not the immediate proximity of the man behind you. Desperately ignoring the way you could feel the heat of him radiating against your back.
“Good.” His tone was even, if clipped, hardened as he straightened back to his full height. How it always was when he was making a point. That only added to the growing flush in your cheeks.
It wasn't like you hadn't been in his arms before. But there was something about the way he held himself this time. There was an unspoken challenge in the way he pressed into your space. Proving to the other man that he was the one that belonged here. 
The stranger watched the pair of you for a moment, slowly relaxing back against the protective form behind you. Keenly aware that the new arrival was watching him, his face a stone mask but there was an edge in the eyes that bore into him. 
Eventually the forced silence was broken by the appearance of one of the bartenders finally closing you out. You offered the stranger an awkward nod nudging the still glaring Jack back through the crowd. Though he kept hold of your wrist this time, firm and reassuring, your pulse jumping against his palm. 
You managed to make it back into the cool night air, crisp and fresh after the packed bar. The sudden calm and quiet of the sidewalk made it abundantly clear that you were gone. Everything felt too clear, too crisp and focused, or maybe in comparison you were duller than normal. Either way the odds of you staggering safely home was off the table. 
You were tugged sideways, tucked securely into Jack's side wordlessly. His arms wrapped comfortably around your shoulder as he steered you down the street. And you walked like that for a while, stable with his support and safe from any danger you passed on the street. 
He herded you towards The T. His eyes flicking between traffic, passing groups of people, back to you and repeat. 
“I’m sorry” you broke the silence, eyes firmly on the street ahead, carefully avoiding running into anything you could avoid. Painfully aware of the slur in your voice. 
“Sorry for what?” He was watching the signal at the nearest crosswalk but glanced down at you as you spoke. 
You didn't have an answer really you just gestured at yourself, drunk and tired and leaning against him more heavily as you walked. “I knew I should have grabbed food on the way, and look at me.” You gestured vaguely at yourself, frustration and embarrassment slipping through in your voice. 
“We'll get you fed and sobered up at home” His grip tightened as you crossed the street, glancing down briefly at you, warm amber eyes meeting your own. “We’ve got this.” The signal to cross. 
The rest of the walk to the station was a bit of a blur to your muddled mind. You remembered standing in front of him, both his hands firmly on your shoulders as you stood waiting for the platform. He was still scanning, still watching out of the corner of his eyes as you waited, sometimes making direct eye contact with someone else on the platform. 
It was moments like this, in the uncertain hours of the night when you were with him it was easy to see the soldier in him. The straightening posture, his keen awareness, the way he pulled you just a little closer, held on just a little tighter. It was probably why it was so easy to feel safe with him, so easy to let yourself get too carried away. Because Jack always had you, no matter what, he was there. 
You reached up and rested a hand over his still against your shoulder. He laced his fingers with yours without thinking, only letting go to nudge you forwards once the doors slid open. Once you made it into a seat the weight of your body hit you, kinda of like a train. You rested your head against the window, glad for the cool press of the glass against your too warm body. The chance to sit was also a welcome break to your tired, drunken body. You don’t know if you actually fell asleep there or if it just felt like you had. 
You didn’t notice the way Jack fell just as heavily into the seat beside you, his head falling backwards momentarily, eyes falling closed. You didn’t notice him watching you, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as you all but passed out next to him. He only had to get you home, get you back in one piece and then he would breathe. 
You were drunk, well you both were, he wasn’t sure you had noticed that he wasn’t at his best tonight. But he knew you were much, much worse than he was and he had to keep it together just a little longer. He would feed you, get you to bed and then worry about getting himself in order. He had muscled through worse than this for much less more times than he honestly cared to count.  
When it was time to exit you were pulled from your half conscious state by a firm shake of your shoulder and a pull at your arm. The interior of The T swam back into view, stopping at a familiar station. Your poor boyfriend was gently tugging you out of your seat, making sure you still had everything. You were more steady on your feet as you made your way back out into the chilly night air. 
“Almost home, stay with me.” A hand took yours, not so much steering you as guiding this time as he made his way up the street, maybe a little faster now that you were so close to being back for the night. What had to have been a twenty minute trip in total had felt like hours. You couldn’t imagine how he was holding up having to lead you around on top of the commute. 
When Jack's door finally came into view the tension left his shoulders a little more. He fumbled with his keys, needing a moment to actually focus to find it. Pushing the door open and helping you inside before letting his back hit the door behind him.
“Food and bed?” He looked over at you, it was a question but there wasn't really a choice.
You offered a nod, sitting on a step by the doorway and working to pull your shoes from your feet, ready to be done with them for the night. 
“Do you care what the food is?” Jack joined you on the step, motioning for your foot and effortlessly pulling the shoe free.
“It doesn't matter.” you began your attack on the other foot, determined to get this One on your own and mentally cursing whoever made them so stupidly complicated to fasten. 
This time he didn't take your foot, instead letting you try again until you managed to pull it from your Foot. A small victory For the night but it felt like conquering a mountain in the moment. 
He got up with a groan, heading out of sight towards the kitchen and leaving you to follow if you wanted. The sound of the sink running followed shortly after. You followed after and were promptly handed a glass of water. 
“You really do like taking care of me it must be-” you took the glass and leaned against a counter well out of his way. 
“Don't even start, I get enough shit about it at work.” His voice cut you off from behind the fridge door. 
“I was going to say it has to do with you being a doctor!” You protest “What do people even say at work?” 
“Older guy, younger girl, I think you can figure out the rest” Jack scoffed and leaned around the door to look at you. “I can't believe this is news to you.” 
You shrugged, now fully supported against the frim stone and wood at your back. “I don’t hear anything about it.” And that was true, it wasn’t like you hid the fact that you were in a relationship with him. 
Jack emerged from the fridge an arm load of leftover boxes precariously stacked to give him the mobility to close the door. “Figured it was easier than actually cooking, all things considered.” He unloaded them onto the empty countertop between you. 
It wasn’t hard to find something that warmed up pretty good and considering how many times a week the man came home exhausted and too tired to actually make a meal and picked something up on his way home. 
And it wasn’t until you were sitting across from him, slowly sobering as you began to eat that you noticed it. The way the scent of liquor lingered on him, the slightly glassy look in his eyes when he looked over at you. He wasn’t much better off than you were, maybe better at fighting through it but still drunk. 
“You’re staring.” It wasn’t a question, but it might as well have been. Jack’s eyes now solely focused on yours again, still just a little unfocused. 
“You’re drunk.” It wasn't an accusation, but again, it might as well have been. 
“I am.” There was the smallest flash of amusement across his features when he said it. A brightening in those already warm eyes. 
“How? You didn’t drink anymore than I did.” Sure you had been way worse off comparatively but normally you could handle yourself better. And you had sort of always assumed that was the case for Jack as well. You didn’t go out drinking all the time but you always felt like you were the one pushing it, almost tipping over the cusp of overdoing it. Meanwhile he was always in control just as he had been tonight, or so it had seemed. 
“While you were there, sure.” He rubbed a hand over the back of his neck, looking away to take another drink from his own cup. “Got there early and had a few while I was waiting.” 
“And you couldn’t even wait for me.” Your own expression cracked, weariness giving way to a lazy smile. 
“Maybe I wanted to keep up with you this time” He smiled softly at the table, not quite meeting your eyes. “Maybe come stumbling back to my place like a bunch of drunk college kids. And not the responsible old man for a change.” 
“Jack” You started, leaning across the table and taking hold of his arm. “You do know I didn’t start dating you assuming that it would be like that right?” He glanced up at you, placing a hand over yours. As strong and as reassuring as it always was, a lifeline, your lifeline when you needed one. 
When he didn’t say anything you continued “I am the one who should probably be following your lead based on tonight’s events. You weren’t the one slowing me down or stumbling over themselves at the bar.” You couldn’t help but laugh when he gave a knowling little nod in agreement. “And you’re the one who I can count on when I get bad. I don’t need someone who can drink me under the table. I need you.” 
His eyes snapped onto yours as you said it, his hand squeezing yours tightly. “You might have that a little more backwards than you think.” His voice had gone quiet again, softer than normal. But he smirked slowly as he added “And for the record I could absolutely drink you under a table even on your best night.” You pulled away from him in mock indignation, folding your arms. 
“Bed?” He asked, pushing away from the table and getting to his feet slowly. Your body begged for sleep at this point, you were pushing past your normal sleep schedule as it was and the more you sobered up the more exhausted you became. 
“Absolutely.” You took the offered hand but braced more on the table than Jack. He was sturdy but you didn’t trust your own body at the moment. 
He stepped further into your space, an arm wrapping around your lower back and pulling you flush with his chest and leaning down to kiss you. It was everything you loved about him in a single kiss. Confident and firm but not harsh or demanding, soft but insistent and demanding your attention. When he pulled away he still held you to him, watching your face slowly lose the flush that had colored your cheeks and brought out the color of your eyes. 
“I’ll meet you upstairs.” He murmured and pressed a kiss to your temple before letting go of you. You nodded, swallowing louder than you wanted before making your way back through the entryway and carefully climbing up the steps to the second floor. 
You had already brushed your teeth and settled into bed by the time you heard him ascending the steps. When Jack came into view his brow was furrowed, the expression he got when something was running circles in his head. 
“Something on your mind?” Your voice muffled by the bedding gathered around you, you peered over the sheets to look up at his silhouette in the dim light. 
“Nothing that can’t wait until the morning” He emerged from the bathroom and slid into bed beside you. “When we’re both thinking a little more clearly.” He pulled you against him in the bed, an arm looped over your hips. He pressed one last kiss to the side of your head and that was the last thing you could remember before sleep finally claimed you and you slipped away. 
Jack laid awake for what felt like an eternity after you, listening to your gentle breathing in his arms. It was too early for his body to be willing to sleep, tired as he was as he too slowly began to sober up. But one thought just kept circling in his head as he stared off into the dark corner of the room past you. 
He wanted to take the next step, he wanted you here with him. To come home to this, to have you be the norm was something that had been on his mind for a while now. Why it was so pressing tonight he wasn’t entirely sure, maybe it was the stupid drunken conversation. Or maybe it was just the natural progression. 
You stirred against him, worming your way impossibly closer, warm and soft and more than he deserved. And he knew this is why that next step was on his mind. Because you were the only one he could see in this bed in his home, hell even in his life like this. 
He sighed, watching his breath gently flutter your hair, and closed his eyes to attempt to rest even for a little while like this. In the morning he would figure out what to say and actually cook you something while he was at it. For now, he would enjoy the calm at the end of the night that you always managed to bring. 
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odinsblog · 1 year ago
Text
“I first started noticing the journalists dying on Instagram. I'm a journalist, I'm Arab, and I've reported on war. A big part of my community is other Arab journalists who do the same thing.
And when someone dies, news travels fast. Recently, I pulled up the list that the Committee to Protect Journalists has been keeping and looked at it for the first time. There are 95 journalists and media workers on it as of today.
Almost everyone on it is Palestinian. Scrolling through, I started to get angry. These were the people carrying the burden of documenting this whole war.
Israel is not allowing foreign journalists into Gaza, except on rare occasions with military escorts. These people's names are being buried in a giant list that keeps growing. What I want to do is lift some of them off the list for a moment and give you a glimpse of who they were and the work they made.
I'll start with Sadi Mansour. Sadi was the director of Al-Quds News Network, and he posted a 22-second video on November 18. That was a report from the war, but it also gave me a picture into his marriage.
Sadi's wearing his press vest and looks exhausted. He's explaining that cell service and the Internet keep getting cut off, and it's often impossible to text or call anyone, including his wife. So they've resorted to using handwritten letters to communicate while he's out reporting, sending them back and forth with neighbors or colleagues.
He ends the video with a picture of one of these letters from his wife. In it, she writes,
‘Me and the kids stayed up waiting for you until the morning, and you didn't come home. We were really sad.
I kept telling the kids, Look, he's coming. But you didn't show up. May God forgive you.
Come home tomorrow and eat with us. Do you want me to make you kebab or maybe kapse? Bring your friends with you, it's okay.
And give Azeez the battery to charge. What do you think about me sending you handwritten letters with messenger pigeons from now on? Ha ha ha.
I'm just kidding. I want to curse at you, but we're living in a war. Too bad.
Okay, I love you. Bye.’
A few hours after he shared that letter, Sadie and his co-worker Hassouna Saleem were at Sadie's home, when they were killed by an Israeli air strike that hit his house.
His wife and kids, who weren't there, survived.
Gaza is tiny, and the journalist community is really close. Reading the list, you can see all the connections between people. Like with Brahim Lafi.
Brahim was a photojournalist, one of the first journalists to die. He was killed while reporting on October 7. He was just 21, still new to journalism.
On his Instagram, you can see that in his posts just a few years ago, he was still practicing his photography, taking pictures of coffee cups and flowers. Then he started doing beautiful portraits and action shots. You can really feel him starting to become a journalist.
Clicking around on Instagram, I found a tribute post about Brahim from his co-worker Rushdie Sarraj. In this photo, Brahim staring intently at the back of a camera, his face lit up by the light from the viewfinder. He looks so young.
The caption reads, My assistant is gone. Brahim is gone. Rushdie himself was a beloved journalist and filmmaker.
And I know that because he's also on the list. He was killed just two weeks after Brahim. I read the tribute post to him too.
I saw this over and over again. Journalists posting tributes, who were then killed themselves soon after. And a tribute goes up for them.
And then the pattern continues.
Thank you.
Something else I saw over and over on the list, journalists later in the war who had become aware that they could be making their last reports. They'd say it at the beginning of their videos. And those were the hardest to watch, especially when it was true.
One video like that was posted by Ayat Hadduro. Ayat was a freelance journalist and video blogger. Her videos before the war covered a wide range from what I can tell, interviews about women in politics.
She even appeared in a commercial for ketchup-flavored chips. She clearly liked being in front of the camera. Once the war started, Ayat's pivoted to covering bombings and food shortages.
On November 20, she posted a video report from her home. You can hear the airstrikes hitting very close to where she is. It's scary.
‘This is likely my last video. Today, the occupation forces dropped phosphorus bombs on Beit Lahya area and frightening sound bombs. They dropped letters from the sky, ordering everyone to evacuate.
Everyone ran into the streets in the craziest way. No one knows where to go.
But everyone else has evacuated. They don't know where they're going. The situation is so scary.
What's happening is so tough, and may God have mercy on us.’
She was killed later that day.
Targeting journalists, in case you didn't know, is a war crime. So far, the Committee to Protect Journalists has found that three of the journalists on the list were explicitly targeted by the IDF, the Israeli military. Investigations by the Washington Post and Reuters, Human Rights Watch and the United Nations have also raised serious questions in these three cases.
And the Committee to Protect Journalists is investigating 10 other killings. When we reached out to the IDF for comments, they said, quote, the IDF has never, and will never, deliberately target journalists. That's the answer they always give in these situations.
Meanwhile, dozens of seasoned reporters have fled Gaza. Journalists who worked for Al Jazeera, the BBC, the New York Times, the Washington Post, Reuters, Agence France-Presse. So many media offices were demolished in Israeli airstrikes that the Committee to Protect Journalists stopped counting.
It's not just individual lives that have been destroyed. It's an entire infrastructure.
Thank you.
The name on the list that was hardest for me to look at was Issam Abdullah, because I'd crossed paths with him once. Issam was a Lebanese journalist, a video journalist for Reuters for many, many years. He had just won an award for coverage of Ukraine.
I'm Lebanese and still report there sometimes, and I'd worked with Issam a couple of summers ago. He helped me film a sort of random story in Beirut. I was interviewing this entrepreneur who had started a sperm freezing company after an accident where he spilled a tray of hot coffee on his private area, burning himself.
I know, ridiculous. It was a really silly shoot. Right after we said cut and started to rap, Issam started this whole bit about being in his late 30s, reconsidering his own sperm quality and everything he now realized he was doing to hurt it, and no one could stop laughing.
It was a really good day that felt good to remember and to remember him that way. Issam was killed by the IDF on October 13. His death was one of the three that the Committee to Protect Journalists has identified as a targeted killing.
He was fired upon by an Israeli tank while standing in an empty field on the Lebanon-Israel border with a small group of other journalists. Everyone was wearing press vests with cameras out. They were covering the Hezbollah part of this war.
A few other journalists were injured in the attack, which was captured on video. The IDF says they were responding to firing from Hezbollah, not targeting the journalists. But multiple investigations, including by Reuters, the United Nations, Amnesty International and the AFP, found no evidence of any firing from the location of the journalists before the IDF shot at them.
The journalists in the group and video footage confirmed that there was no military activity near them. I had only met Issam once, barely knew him, but it affected me so much when he died. I know that he understood the risks of his job, but somehow it still felt so random and unfair that he would be struck down like that, following the rules, wearing his press vest and helmet, and a pack of reporters on a sunny day in an open field.
I find myself thinking about him all the time. His last Instagram post was commemorating another journalist, this iconic reporter Shereen Abou Aql who had been killed by the IDF. When I first saw that post in October, I thought how ironic because a week later, Isam also was killed by the IDF.
But then, after spending time reading the list, I realized how common this had become. I still haven't finished going through the list and looking up the people on it. I keep finding things that stick with me, like the funny way this one radio host would cut off a caller who was rambling on for too long.
A tweet from reporter Al-Abdallah that quoted Sylvia Plath. It read, What ceremony of wars can patch the havoc? I'm going to keep going down the list, even though this story is over now.
Just for myself. My own way of bearing witness. Which is, in the end, all that these journalists were trying to do.”
—DANA BALLOUT, The 95. Dana sifts through a very long list—the list of journalists killed in the Israel-Hamas war, and comes back with five small fragments of the lives of the people on it. Dana is a Lebanese-American, Emmy-nominated documentary producer.
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stevesgother · 3 months ago
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Chalkboard Hearts - Pt IV
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Pairing - KindergartenTeacher!Steve Harrington x SingleMom!Reader
WC - 5.6k
Summary - A snow day prompts Steve and Abbey to spend a little one on one time together.
AN - sorry this one took a little longer! being creative is hard when the U.S keeps sucking me of all my joy. thanks for the patience, love y’all! ~ emma
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Three weeks ago, your daughter’s kindergarten teacher gave you his phone number in a chilly, deserted diner parking lot, and every weekday since that night, Abbey has had to all but drag you from his classroom when you go to pick her up in the afternoons. One topic leads to another and another, and before you realize it, you and Steve have been chatting in his mostly empty classroom for over an hour. But this morning, you’re dialing those digits he gave you on your landlines keypad for the first time with shaky fingers. You’d spent the past hour exhausting all your other options. Your mother? Working. Your sister? Out of town. Your usual babysitter? sick.
Steve was the only person you knew for a fact wouldn’t be working today.
It wasn’t for a lack of wanting to that you hadn’t called yet. Every waking hour since that night, you had been wrestling with yourself about what an appropriate reason would be. Was he flirting with you? Did he genuinely just want you to have access to him in case of an emergency? Both? Your inner dialogue was deafening– like a squawking bird in the back of your brain.
The intrusive volume of your thoughts seemed to quiet now as your leg bounced impatiently– anxiety over the prospect of having to call into work outweighing your trepidation– waiting for him to pick up the call on the other line. 
He finally answered halfway through the fourth ring, “Hello?” Despite the early hour, Steve sounded wide awake. Probably rousing at the same time you did, not expecting to be temporarily blinded by three feet of bright, white snow piled on top of his car. On the kitchen radio, you can hear the newscaster announcing a closure of the local schools.
“Steve, it’s Y/N,” your voice cuts through the static.
He pauses briefly, yours probably being the last voice he expected to hear when he picked up his phone, “Hey, morning–” he clears his throat, “everything alright?”
“Yes– well– I don’t know.” You rub the tips of your fingers restlessly over your closed eyelids, “I don’t have anyone to watch Abbey with the school being closed, I've tried everyone and I really hate to ask but–”
“Of course, I can be there in thirty. Can you give me your address?”
“Are you sure, Steve? I can just call out if–”
“Don’t be ridiculous, just give me your address,” his incredulity and lack of hesitation sends the wings fluttering about in your stomach again, while cementing the reassurance of his words. You gain the courage to repeat your home address for him to write down.
You can hear the sound of pen hastily scratching paper, then after a few beats of silence he speaks again, “It’ll take me a little bit to clear off my car, but I’ll be there as soon as I can,”
“Thank you so much, you have no idea.”
“Don’t mention it,” you can hear the grin in his voice, can picture the flash of perfect white squares, “see you soon,” you breathe a heavy sigh of relief at the click of the receiver being placed back in its cradle. Abbey is bundled up on the couch watching Rugrats, a bowl of cereal in her lap. Normally, you wouldn’t let her eat in the living room, but you needed respite from her usual game of 20 Questions to make some phone calls.
“Hey, Ab,” you say as you approach her, thoroughly engrossed in her cartoons, “Is it okay if Mr. H comes over and watches you today while mommy goes to work?”
The question is more than enough to pull her focus from the television screen. Her face lights up like the Fourth of July as she nearly spills her cereal with the force of her straightening on the sofa, “Really?” She asks hopefully.
“Yes, grandma is working and Julia is sick. Is that okay?” As excited as you know she is, you want her verbal confirmation. Mostly because you’d never put your child in a situation she’s uncomfortable in; but a smaller, more selfish part of you wants to be absolved of the guilt you feel for having to leave her all day.
Your wish is granted almost instantly as she squeals and hops off the couch where she’d been lounging, placing her bowl on the coffee table. Halfway to her room, she calls, “Mommy! Where are my coloring books?”
“They’re on top of your bookshelf,” you call, “don’t make a huge mess, please!”
“I won’t!” She replies, muffled through the drywall separating you.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:* *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
You hadn’t had time to tidy the house or make yourself look even remotely presentable before Steve arrived. If it weren’t for the relief that floods your body upon seeing his car pull in the driveway, you might even be a little embarrassed. Booted footsteps shuffle up the porch as you’re shoveling things into your bag at the last minute, followed by three light knocks on the door.
“Coming!” You shout from where you stand in the dining room.
Before you even have the chance to reach the foyer, Abbey is darting from her bedroom in plastic play shoes and throwing the door open with immeasurable enthusiasm.
“Hey–” Steve starts, expecting it to be you before he realizes who’s greeting him, “Oh, hi Ab,” he waves to the little face staring up at him, “Where’s your mom?”
“Mommy!” Abbey calls, “Mr. H is here!”
Steve spots you holding two pieces of notebook paper clad with chicken scratch scribblings. You look frazzled– hair thrown up hastily and scrubs wrinkly. He scours the place where he would normally find an emotion akin to pity for your distressed state, but in its absence, he only feels endearment laced with a little concern.
He doesn’t get a word in before you’re shoving the papers in his hands and spouting off information that he’s praying is already on the sheets you’ve given him.
“I should be home by five, if anything happens, this–” you point to a barely legible number, “--is my work phone. This is her doctor’s phone number and she’s allergic to peanuts. There aren’t any peanuts in the house but–” you sigh, exasperated with yourself, “just in case.”
The rest of the pages are filled with ramblings about which channels Abbey likes to watch and how to work the television. How, in case she needs a bath, you have to pull and then twist the knob for the hot water to run. That she is not, under any circumstances, allowed to put nail polish on by herself and where you keep her Epi Pens.
Steve’s surprised at how many of these sentiments he already has catalogued. He’s required to know Abbey’s emergency contacts and that she has a nut allergy for his job, but he knows that channel thirty-seven has the best cartoons because Abbey once told him that Power Puff Girls was her favorite– and you’d already relayed to him the hilariously tragic tale of what happened the last time Abbey attempted to paint her own nails.
Despite this revelation, he doesn’t dare interrupt you. He indulges your ranting, a grin creeping involuntarily along his face.
“-- sorry, I’m rambling– I’ve just never left her with someone who wasn’t my mom or her sitter before,” you’re a little breathless after two straight minutes of talking.
“Hey, hey– you’re okay,” he wastes no time reassuring you, “you know I’d never let anything happen to her.” You nod your understanding, “Besides,” now he’s speaking to Abbey, “we’re gonna have a super fun time right?”
She shouts, “Yes!”
He looks at you with his brows raised, amused, “See?”
“Okay, alright,” you kneel down, chuckling, “do I get a hug? Or am I chopped liver?”
Giggling, Abbey wraps you in a suffocating embrace, like always. Her excitement for Steve has never quelled her affection for you, and you can tell that she’s still hesitant to see you go. You smack a kiss on her cheek, grabbing your bag from the floor as you rise again.
“Swear you’ll call me if anything happens?” You ask him one more time, already knowing the answer.
“Cross my heart.” He smiles fondly, stoking the flames burning bright around the cage that your heart inhabits.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:* *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
Your home is cozy, much cozier than anything Steve had growing up. He’s warmed at the idea that Abbey has the privilege of growing up in a house that feels so lived in– stains on the carpet, soft edges and yellow lighting. There’s clutter on the kitchen counter by the microwave and colorful alphabet magnets securing several bright pieces of artwork to the fridge.
“Are these the pictures you drew in art class last week?” He asks Abbey, who has been trailing behind him all through the house, pointing things out to him as they go.
“Uh-huh, Mrs. Morse helped me with that one,” she points to what Steve thinks is probably supposed to be a zebra.
“Well, you’re very talented, I love them,”
“Can we go play outside?” She asks, drawing out the last syllable and completely ignoring Steve’s compliment.
“Sure we can,” he chuckles, “where do you keep your snowsuit?”.
Abbey takes Steve by the wrist and leads him to the coat closet by the front door. Similar to the rest of your house, it’s stuffed to the brim– full of puffy nylon and heavy winter boots. He catches a glimpse of a familiar brown and green jacket– his jacket. You’d promised to wash it and return it to him, but it must’ve slipped your mind. He grins to himself at the reminiscence as he fetches Abbey’s snow gear and shuts the door.
Steve hadn’t dressed appropriately for a morning rolling around in the cold. He had slipped on a pair of your mittens, probably meant more for fashion than practicality, because his fingers were already completely numb. But he can’t seem to deny her when Abbey pleads with him to make snow angels. They’d just spent the past half an hour building two snowmen– one short like Abbey and one tall like Steve, she insisted, as she wrapped her scarf around the snowman that resembled her.
“Please, Mr. H?” She begs when she notices his hesitancy.
“Alright, alright,” he chuckles, “but then we’re gonna go inside and have lunch. Deal?”
That appears to be a good enough covenant for her, “Okay!” Abbey exclaims, falling fairly harshly to the cushioned ground. Steve braces himself for tears, but Abbey only keeps laughing in that contagious way as she begins spreading her arms and legs out beside her in a repetitive motion.
“Are you gonna make one?” She questions from her place on the ground.
He grunts as he reluctantly lowers himself down next to her, anticipating the icy wetness waiting underneath him. The snow seeps uncomfortably through his jeans, but the sound of Abbey’s unbridled joy nearly makes up for his soiled clothing.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:* *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
What’d you want to eat, Ab?” Steve calls from the pantry while Abbey changes out of her wet clothes in her bedroom.
“Not hungry!” She calls back.
He sighs, expecting her stubbornness– she was nearly as mulish as you.
“Remember the deal we made earlier?” He asks, “That if I made a snow angel with you, that you’d have to eat something for lunch, right?”
She emerges from her room, pout prominent on her strikingly adorable features, “But I wanna keep playing,” she whines, giving her foot a little stomp on the linoleum for emphasis.
“We can keep playing after, I promise,” he knows he’s not winning this battle without a compromise, “does your mom let you eat in the living room?” He asks with a lilt to his voice that makes him sound conspiratorial.
“Sometimes…”
“How about…” he pauses as if thinking, “I make us some food and we watch a movie while we eat?”
He can tell he’s got her after that– hook, line and sinker. She still pretends to mull over his proposition for a moment before agreeing, “Hmm…I think that sounds good,” she settles, trying and failing to mask her elation.
That’s how Steve ended up, plates of grilled cheese sandwiches in hand, dodging barbies and miscellaneous stuffed animals on his way to the living room a few minutes later.
“Have you found a movie yet?” He asks Abbey as he sets the plates down atop the coffee table.
“Yes but–” she jumps on her tiptoes, “I can’t reach it,”
Steve walks over to the towering shelf of VHS tapes in front of her, “Which one are you trying to reach?”
Abbey points at the tape in question, “Home Alone,”
“Alrighty,” Steve says as he grabs it with ease, “Your foods on the table, go sit while I put it in,”
Abbey, for once, does as he asks– bounding over to the coffee table with the excitement typical of a five-year-old who has an adult's permission to break a house rule.
While Steve eyes your VCR, he catches a glimpse of a photo out of the corner of his eye, causing him to pause. It’s you, no older than twenty, holding a swaddled baby in a sterile hospital room. He doesn’t recognize the picture as one he’s seen before.
Of course you’ve never seen it before, he thinks, you barely know her. Get a grip.
You’re filled with such youthful brilliance in the shot, despite the underlying weariness of having just given birth; your hair tied messily into a bun at the nape of your neck, sweat beading on your brow bone. It’s just you and Abbey, Steve thinks her father must’ve been the photographer.
He can’t help but think of himself at that age and all the stupid shit he was doing. How, if you had handed him a baby then, he wouldn’t have known the first thing about what to do with it– but here you had raised such a bright, healthy daughter and largely alone. He was struck by such a sudden and overwhelming admiration for you that he nearly forgot what he was supposed to be doing.
“Mr. H?” Abbey asked, mouth full, “When are we gonna start the movie?”
Her question sends him hurling back to reality. A reality where he’s your daughter’s kindergarten teacher, and the two of you are friendly with each other at best.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:* *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
At some point during the movie, once their lunch was reduced to crumbs on empty plates, Abbey had hauled out her box of coloring books and crayons that she had been looking for this morning.
Steve, the less creative of the two, was coloring in a cartoon illustration of a fairy while Abbey was making her own drawing on a piece of white construction paper. The lack of constant chatter is a welcome reprieve, but he knows that Abbey only becomes quiet when she’s particularly concentrated, so he chances a peek to his right at what she’s working on.
She got a death grip on a brown crayon– shaved almost down to the tip– with her tongue sticking ever so slightly between her lips as she focuses intently on her art.
The picture is of three stick figures– two tall and one significantly smaller in between them. It’s set at what looks to be a playground, a bright yellow sun in the sky and blue scribblings around white clouds. Swings, slides and even a little blue dog adorn the rest of the background.
Pleasantly surprised at her artistry, Steve says, “That looks amazing, Ab!”
She’s snapped out of her stupor, her face split with a wide toothless grin. She doesn’t thank him, only lets out a few bashful giggles at his praise and says, “I like yours too,”
“Is that you?” He points at the littlest figure.
“Mhm, see? I made her hair curly like mine!”
“It looks just like you,” he agrees, then draws her attention to the other figures, “Is this your mom and your dad next to you?”
“This is mommy,” she points, “I put her in the blue clothes she wears at work,” he knows she’s referring to your scrubs, but the phrasing makes him chuckle.
“And this is you!” She circles the figure she’s drawn with the tip of her finger. She’s included his voluminous chestnut hair and his silver wire-framed glasses, even one of the stupid striped polos he wears at school. Looking at it now, it’s obvious who it was supposed to be– but it’s so unexpected that he feels his face heat up at the realization.
“Oh, wow, Ab– That’s–” he grapples to find the words to express the juxtaposition he’s found himself in. He’s honored, truly, to be included in this portrait Abbey’s made of herself and her mother– her family– but there’s a gnawing guilt he can’t seem to shake. The fear that, in some way, he’s replacing her father.
“I love it, Ab, thank you,” he smiles fondly at her work, the proud grin she wears slowly melting the flash freeze of trepidation that encased his conscience.
“Can we hang it on the fridge for mommy to see when she gets home?” She asks after a moment.
“That sounds like a great idea.”
✧・゚: *✧・゚:* *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
Around four o’clock, Abbey begins asking what they’re having for dinner. Steve wonders briefly if you always have to deal with her being so ravenous.
“How about we start cooking now? That way it’ll be ready for your mom when she gets home,”
“Okay,” Abbey concurs. Steve wouldn’t consider himself a Michelin star chef by any means, but he can make a mean chicken parmesan.
A trip to the grocery store was needed to grab some ingredients. After scribbling down the required items on a crumpled receipt, and struggling for ten minutes to get Abbey’s carseat in the back of his BMW, they’re on their way.
He meets her eyes in the rearview mirror, “Do you want me to put on some music?”
“Christmas music?” She asks hopefully.
Steve isn’t the biggest fan of Christmas music– Christmas in general, really– but he obliges her request and turns the dial to their local channel, soft bells and a choir of voices begin to flood through the interior of the car. She really is so harmlessly manipulative with her saucer eyes and round button nose, he can’t seem to refuse her anything.
Steve drives more cautiously than he thinks he ever has, even more so than when he was sixteen and learning how to drive with his family’s Pontiac as his father stared harshly at him from the passenger seat. He comes to a full halt at every stop sign, and he never takes his eyes off the road.
After fighting some early rush hour traffic, they make it. Without a second thought, Abbey grasps Steve’s hand while walking through the parking lot. He tries not to look startled at the sudden contact, recalling how she always seems to have a firm grip on your hand in public spaces too. Steve’s just glad she feels comfortable with him.
“Can I help?” Abbey asks as Steve grabs a cart from the corral.
“Course’,” he smiles, “do you wanna grab the ingredients and put them in the cart for me?”
She bounces excitedly, “Sure!”
Wandering through the aisles, Abbey never strayed from Steve’s side. Every time he read off an item, she would dutifully fetch it and throw it into the cart with a little more force than necessary, but Steve didn’t mind.
“Do you live by yourself?” She asks out of the blue as they peruse the store.
“I do,”
“Then how come you know how to cook?”
He laughs at her inquisitive nature, “Well I have to eat don’t I?”
“Yeah…” she ponders, “I guess so,”
“Alright, the last thing we need is breadcrumbs,” he informs her, scanning the shelves.
Like earlier, Abbey attempts to stand on her tiptoes to try and reach the can in question, “I’m getting it,” she mumbles in determination, very much not getting it.
“Here,” Steve says as he lifts her up by her waist like it was second nature to him.
“Got it!” She exclaims, tossing it in with the rest of the groceries. “Can I ride in the cart now?” She yawns with a polite hand over her mouth. He supposes grocery shopping takes a lot out of you when all the shelves are at least five feet taller than your head.
“Sure,” Steve chuckles as he slots her little legs through the designated holes.
Despite the ride home only being about ten minutes long, Abbey manages to doze off– lulled to sleep by the subtle hum of the car's engine. Steve veered as gently as possible into the driveway, careful not to disturb her even though he was about to wake her up anyway.
“Abbey,” he shakes her softly, “we’re home,”
Abbey rouses, but only slightly. She yawns again and stretches with her arms over her head before extending them out, silently motioning with her eyes still closed for Steve to carry her inside.
“Okay, c’mon lazy bones,” he grunts at the angle but lifts her from her car seat nonetheless. After unlocking the door one-handed, he sets her carefully on the couch and covers her with a plush throw blanket before heading back outside for the rest of the groceries.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:* *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
The first thing you notice when you approach your front door is the savory smell of something cooking. Inside, the TV is off and your daughter is sleeping soundly on the couch. Quiet clattering noises flood from the kitchen.
The sleeves of Steve’s burgundy sweater are rolled up to his elbows and the kitchen smells of roasting chicken and mahogany as he stirs a simmering pot of homemade pasta sauce. He’s humming some tune softly under his breath– Bob Segar, you think.
“Hey,” you greet with a grin as you set your bag down on the dining table. Steve turns around to meet you as you ask, “What’re you doing?”
“Cooking?” He replies.
“No, really?” You deadpan back, eliciting an amused chuckle from the man standing at your stove.
“Abbey was asking about dinner,” he pauses, “we were gonna do this whole thing– we were gonna make it for you together, have it ready by the time you got home, but,” he gestures with his arm to the living room where Abbey is napping. Steve Harrington is nothing if not expressive– talking with his hands, eyebrows always either furrowed in concentration or raised in amusement. It’s one of the most charming things about him, you think.
“Well, thank you,” you say, “you didn’t have to do that,” you feel a blush heat your cheeks at how domestic this feels– like you come home to Steve cooking dinner for you and your daughter every night. You can picture it as easily as if it were your actual reality and it leaves you feeling briefly vertiginous. You’re not sure Jeremy ever cooked even one meal for you in the entirety of your relationship.
“The chickens almost done and then I'll get out of your hair,” he assumes a teasing lilt to his voice to disguise the fact that he feels like he’s overstepping– overstaying his welcome or crossing some invisible line.
“Are you kidding?” You scoff, “You’ve gotta at least stick around long enough to see how it came out,”
“You don’t mind?” He asks hesitantly.
“Steve, of course I don’t mind,” honestly, you think you’d start a fire and burn your house to the ground if it meant getting him to stay just a little longer to help you put it out, “plus, I’m sure Abbey’ll be stoked.”
“Alright, well,” he smiles warmly, “it’s ready if you wanna go wake the gremlin up,”
At the table, Abbey insists on sitting next to Steve in the chair across from you.
“This is delicious, Steve,” you compliment.
“Best you ever had?” He teases, but his phrasing makes you choke a little on your pasta.
Abbey makes a twisted face, “The sauce tastes funny.” Saved by the bell.
“Abbey!” you scold playfully, poorly concealing a laugh behind the back of your hand, “Sorry– I think she’s just used to eating Prego,”
“That’s okay– I think she’s right, actually,” he assures you, twisting his expression into something sour and causing Abbey to giggle. His eyes are the color of rich soil as he sends you an oh, so familiar look across the table, communicating another silent thought to you. One that says, I don’t mind how blunt she is, I think it’s endearing.
When dinner is finished, Steve insists on doing the dishes for you too. “You cooked, Steve, let me–” you try to barter.
“--You do enough as it is,” he counters simultaneously.
“You watched my child all day!” You laugh at his stubbornness.
“I do that everyday anyway!” He argues, beginning to fill up the porcelain farmhouse sink with hot, sudsy water.
“At least let me help,” you give him that wide eyed look you always seem to be giving him lately. God, you’re no better than Abbey. “You wash, I’ll dry?”
“Fine,” he tries to frown but his smirk betrays him in his act of faux annoyance.
After a few minutes of stuffy silence, you ask, “She wasn’t too much of a pain in the ass today, was she?”
“Not any more than usual,” he jokes and a plate slips through his fingers, causing a small splash of water to coat your face in dishwater. You gasp at the sensation.
“Oh– Sorry!--” he tries to apologize, but you take your dishwater soaked fingers and flick them in the direction of his own face– small soapy bubbles clinging to his lashes and eyebrows.
“I cannot believe you right now,” he says, wiping his eyes with his sleeve.
“There, now we’re even,” you smirk.
“I’ll let it slide. This time.”
“Mommy!” Abbey rushes into the kitchen, “Can Mr. H stay to watch a cartoon before bed?”
“I don’t know, baby, it’s getting late,” you can just barely see the flash of heartbreak in her gaze before Steve interjects, “It’s okay, I don’t mind staying for a little longer,”
You send him a skeptical glance over your shoulder, but he just nods and asks Abbey what she’d like to watch.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:* *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
The end credits for an episode of The Rugrats flashes across the screen, illuminating Abbey’s sleeping face in muted shades of blue and orange. She snores, slumped against Steve’s chest with her arms wrapped around his torso. You sit propped against the other arm of the couch watching them intently– trying to memorize the sight before you. You’ve never seen Abbey cradled like this before by anyone else except you. It wasn’t something you felt you craved until recently.
Steve turns, catching you staring but not calling attention to it. He can count on several hands the amount of times he’s done the same to you– Steve Harrington is many things, but he is not a hypocrite.
“Did you know the guy from Devo wrote the theme song for this?” He gestures towards the television.
“Really?”
“Mhm,” he replies, “I can’t remember who told me that,”
After a few beats of hushed silence, you say, “Should probably put that one to bed– unless you wanna be here all night,” you try to joke but your voice shakes.
He would if you were sincerely asking. He’d stay right here on this uncomfortably worn sofa, with your daughter whom he has such an affinity for, sleeping against his chest for the next millenia. He’d fossilize here if he could– your presence beside him calm and grounding like an anchor in a storm.
He voices none of this. Instead he says, “Do you want to take her?”
“It’s okay,” you wave him off, “I’ll just come with you.” The three of you slowly make your way to Abbey’s bedroom, Steve carrying her bridal style against his torso and the door creaks on its hinges when Steve pushes it open with his hip. She stirs only a little when he sets her down, but is soothed quickly with a firm palm stroking her back a few times.
The door clicks behind you as Steve leads you both back to the living room.
“I should probably–”
“Do you want–”
You begin to speak at the same time, awkward chuckles leaving both of your nervous lips.
“You first,” he offers, scratching the back of his neck.
“I was– just gonna ask if you wanted some wine, but I know it’s late–”
“Wine sounds great.” His lips form a line across his face as he grins.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:* *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
Half a bottle of wine split between the two of you, and your hands were tingling from the effort it was taking not to reach out and card your fingers through the hair of the man sitting across from you.
“How come you never called?” He asks suddenly, but not unkindly.
“Hm?”
“You never called– well, not til’ this morning at least,”
“Didn’t know what counted as an emergency, I guess,” you shrug, the alcohol shaking your nerves loose.
He must’ve been feeling in a similar way to you– speaking freely in a way he wouldn’t have before, “Just wanted to talk to you,” he smiles fondly.
“Oh,” you whisper, and when you don’t say anything else, Steve changes the subject.
“I like that photo of you on top of the entertainment center,” he says contemplatively, “you looked really…peaceful,”
“Well, raising a miniature version of yourself tends to age you a bit, I suppose,”
“Can I ask you something?” He asks, testing the waters.
“Always”
“Where was Jeremy in the picture?”
“We always talk about me,” you roll your eyes spiritedly and release a contented sigh, “Tell me why you really came to Maine,”
“Don’t deflect,” he teases.
“C’monnnn,” you draw out the last syllable, “answer,”
“I asked you first,” Steve chuckles.
“Jeremy wasn’t at Abbey’s birth,” you admit, it's immediately like an aching weight removed from the length of your spine– one that's been there consistently for years. “He didn’t even want me to have her,” you scoff humorlessly.
You had told almost no one this before. For the sake of keeping appearances, even after he passed, only your mother and sister knew that Jeremy had pushed for you to terminate your pregnancy when he’d found out; and that only once your daughter was actually born did he want to be involved in her life. The burden felt shockingly easy to lay at Steve’s feet, like someone might confess to a priest. This tender man sitting across from you– whether it was the wine or simply his presence, you aren’t sure– but it felt so effortless to be vulnerable right now. Your soft, white underbelly on display for him to do as he pleases, trusting him to have a gentle touch.
“That fucking sucks,” he knows you well enough by now to understand you’ve never cared for empty platitudes, so he doesn’t bother schooling his bitter, empathetic expression, “M’ sorry,”
Not wanting to dwell on it any longer, you say, “Your turn,”
“My old man was an abusive, drunk asshole,” he says frankly, “I don’t know if I ever saw him sober,” he huffs a laugh but there’s no humor behind it. “I needed to get out– to see what else there was, you know?” He asks, and you nod, “He died in my sophomore year of college. Didn’t even go to the wake.”
“Well, I’m really glad you ended up in this shithole,” he laughs at that, “I think you’re pretty neat, Harrington,”
“Thanks,” he deadpans, “Juries still out on you,” he pokes your side and you giggle like you’re a damn teenager again.
You swat him lightly on his bicep in retaliation, and before you know it, you’ve both succumbed to a fit of contagious laughter. When it begins to die down, you’re closer to him than you’d been before. It steals the breath from your lungs and your heart thrashes inside your ribcage like a wild animal.
You’re gazing at each other now, heads light from the alcohol and dizzy with proximity. His heavy lidded gaze lands on your lips for a second too long, and then he’s pulling your face flush to his own by the sharp edge of your jaw.
It’s a soft kiss, but it’s maddening nonetheless. His lips are plush and smooth– malleable against yours. You huff a surprised breath of air, but don’t pull away. One of his calloused hands is resting firmly on your waist while the other one snakes up tenderly to hold the back of your head. You feel that familiar itch to bury your fingers in his brown tresses, so finally, you do. What realistically only lasts a moment, feels like hours before he’s pulling away, nearly frightened.
When he looks at you, his doe eyes are wide with fear, glassy with the impending fallout of what he’d just done. He stammers, “I’m sorry–that was–” he runs his hands down the length of his guilt twisted face.
“No– Steve, It’s okay, I–”
“I should go–” he says quickly as he slips his shoes and coat on, not even bothering to tie the laces, he grabs his keys, “I’m sorry I’ll– I’ll see you on Monday,”
He’s closing the door behind him before your mind gets the chance to catch up with your mouth. You wished to tell him that it was okay, that you liked it– that you wanted him to stay and never leave again.
But it’s too late. You’re left alone in the stifling air of your living room, half a bottle of wine on the coffee table and your heart on the floor.
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mattsjuul · 3 months ago
Text
GRAVITY. chris sturniolo
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༣ summary: chris is on tour and misses his girlfriend .ᐟ ♡
༣ pairing: clingy!reader & tour!chris
༣ warnings: suggestive, just a cute lil oneshot tbh, pet names ( i think only one tho ), long distance ???? idk
༣ authors note ♡: ok i rlly didnt know what to do for this tbh i js wanted to write for chris lol!!!! this MIIIGHT get a pt 2 tho. so twoshot!
you stand in your kitchen, your mind constantly filled with thoughts of your boyfriend while he's off on tour. is he sleeping? maybe he's eating something. i hope he's enjoying it. is he gonna call me? isnt he in new york? thats three hours ahead. three whole hours. so if its six pm here then its... seven... eight.. nine. nine pm there? so is he asleep? i dont know if tour's got him sleepy. gosh. can he call me? i bet he looks so good right now. fuck. then your thoughts are interrupted by a very specific text tone. it's chris! "Hey" "R u busy imy" you read, causing you to almost start jumping for joy in front of your open fridge. although you do a little squeal instead. "definitely not" "call me im begging" you reply. "I like that" he replies, making you giggle to yourself. seconds later, your screen lights up with a picture of chris with a big smile holding your dear friend, madison, 's cat.
"well hellloooo" you answer with a smile far too big. "hey sexy" he smiles back just as much. "i've been waiting for this call" you admit. "yeah? you been thinking about me?" he asks in a cocky tone. but it was lowkey doing things to you. well. highkey. "you'd like that wouldnt you?" you ask. "yeah." he proudly says. "i was actually about to rub one out since im alone. show me your tits" he jokes. "don't tempt me" you giggle. "i mean.. you're free to do whatever you want. you're an adult with free will in your own home" he babbles on. you take a deep breath, honestly debating it. why not? he's seen them pleennttyy of times. more so, touched them plenty of times.
"ya' know." he interrupts your debating. "i've had lots of time to think. especially to think about you. and ya' know, we're never really apart for longer then a week. and it's made me realize that you really hold me down. i feel like i need at least one night with you every week to function. not like night.. i mean one sleep. i feel like it's made me sleep not so well. is that crazy? i'm not making sense. but then also, it'll be like 10 am here and i'll argue with nick or matt and i cant run to you. you'd be asleep and i dont want you to be upset the moment you wake up. i hate this seperation. i hate making you wait.. like what if you stop liking me before i get back. fuck. you're not hanging out with that actor guy you like, right?" he goes ooonnn n on. well boobs wouldnt be too appropriate right now. "okay.. no" you reply for starters. "and i dont think it's crazy. i get it. but you're veeeryyy cute for thinking all this. i love you chris. i miss you so much." i say. "i love you. can i see your boobs?" he asks, a giggle escaping your lips at his very stupid words.
yet you lift your top up, getting a shocked look from chris. "oh.. i like those.. a lot." he says, a big smile on your face as you shake 'em a little. "just.. stay there for a second" he says, seeing him moving around, clearly pulling his sweats down. "join me, yeah?"
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a/n: ohhhhh em geeee.... idk if i like this tbh lol. but lmk if u want a part two w phone sex hehe. im sorry its so so short sad face.. i actually rlly liked writing this tho idk. yaaay hope u like :') ♡ lmk if there r any mistakes pls i didnt proof read!!!!!! (im in class..) 🐻‍���️
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rosenclaws · 4 months ago
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Would You Fall In Love with Me Again || Worst!Logan x Reader
Would you fall in love with me again If you knew all I've done? The things I cannot change Would you love me all the same? I know that you've been waiting, waiting for love
warnings: angsty af, happy ending, sad logan.
wc: 1.5k
alternate version
a/n: I heard this song and immediately pictured Logan so this fic was cooked up! I hope y'all like it <3 I'd recommend listening to the song while reading or before or after! Its a great musical btw
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Logan holds the small piece of paper in his hands. It's been crumpled and flattened countless times. He turns it over in his hands, the faded black in is just bright enough to read. He glances down at it again. Written on it is an address. Laura's words playing over and over in his head.
Find her. She would want to see you.
Would you? Would you want to see him? He's not the same man that you knew. He's not your man. He's not the hero you remember. He's just a broken, tired, old man. He's a coward.
Laura gave him your address shortly after he came to his world. But he never went. He was afraid. This tiny slip of paper would keep him up at night. If the nightmares didn't get to him first than this stupid, little paper did. He debated on throwing it away.
You didn't need him. You were better off without him. But was he? You were his better half. Always had been. Just one look, a meeting. Closure. So he set off to find you one last time.
Each foot step weighs heavy as he marches to your front door. A small cabin tucked away from the the busy town only a few miles away. This is his handiwork. Logan always promised you that he'd build you a house one day, when you two were done with all the X-Men bullshit.
He had already written out the plans back before...before he lost you. Initials are carved into one of the wood boards. His fingers running over the letters, tracing them as his mind floods with memories of you.
He raises his fist and knocks at your door. His ears straining to hear you move behind the wooden door. Though if you didn't answer he couldn't blame you. He's the ghost of the man you once loved standing on your doorstep. He waits and waits and nothing.
His shoulders sag in defeat. What was he thinking? This was stupid. He takes the paper and crumbles it up in his hands, throwing it as far as he could into the woods.
"Pretty sure that's littering." He freezes at the sound of your voice. He knows it's you. He doesn't need to see your face, this voice had been haunting his nightmares for years.
"Logan?" He nearly falls to his knees. His name sounds so sweet coming from your lips. He hasn't heard it in so long. Ever so slowly he turns around, a part of him afraid this is another dream.
"Is it really you?" You're holding a grocery bag, dressed up for the cold weather. He's frozen as you walk up to him. Your eyes shine with tears as your hand reaches out for him.
"Please tell me its you." Your hand cups his face.
Thumb lightly brushing over his face. He looks different. He looks tired. So much pain behind those gorgeous eyes. He melts into your touch. He clenches his fists at his side as he leans his head into your hand.
"My love, how I've missed you." Logan opens his eyes to see the wedding band sitting on your finger. He never got the chance to give that to you.
"Sweetheart...I'm not the same man." He wishes he was. God he wishes he could sweep you up in his arms. Runaway and live in this cabin for all eternity. You smile softly. Your hand leaves his face and he visibly sinks.
"Come inside yeah?" Without thinking he takes the grocery bag out of your hands and follows you inside. There's not much inside.
"Laura told me about you, she sent letters when she came back." You explain as you reach into the fridge and pull out a beer, his favorite.
"I buy a new pack every week, in case you ever showed up." You smile when you talk but Logan can only focus on the bottle in front of him. The guilt eating him alive.
"I'm so sorry." He chokes out.
"For what?" You ask. He looks at you in disbelief, how could you be so forgiving, so welcoming.
"I'm not your husband. I-I'm not the man you fell in love with." He places the beer on the counter. If he closes his eyes he can picture you and him in this little cabin. Be the family you both always wanted. But he's not yours.
"I know you aren't. I'm not a fool Logan. But..." He's not your husband, he's different. He's not a replacement for the man you once loved but your love for Logan was stronger than anything you've ever felt.
"Would you fall in love with me again? You don't know what I've done. I'm not worthy of the love you gave to him." A tear slips down Logan's face.
He sinks to the ground, on his knees. Silently begging to be loved by you once again. The shame of his past chains him to the ground, he can't even look at you.
"What did you do my love?" You cup his face and tilt his head up.
"I lost you, I lost everyone. I can still smell your blood, I can still hear your voice calling to me. But I walked away." He grabs onto your wrists and holds onto them desperately.
"I walked away from you." You wipe away a tear that falls down his cheeks. His normally stoic face crumbles into a mess of despair and loneliness.
"I needed to numb myself. I started drinking, I started killing. I left a trail of blood in my wake." He expects you to cower away from him. To be disgusted with what he's done.
"Once I started, I couldn't stop. I didn't want to stop. I was so angry, so buried in my grief that the only thing I could feel was rage." The grip on your wrists is firm and tight. Not to the point of pain but he's locked around your hands. Please don't leave him again, please.
"Forgive me." You drop his face and it hangs low, ashamed of what he's revealed to you. You've been waiting for him, all this time only to come and disappoint you.
"If you think that's true, that you're not the same man I feel in love with. Then leave."
"W-What?" He's taken aback.
"You want me to leave?"
"I don't want you to leave but you keep saying you're not the same man. So if you truly believe that, than leave." Logan is stunned to silence.
"No." He says without thinking. He's spent every night missing you, thinking of you. You're here in front of him, it's not the same you but he still loves you. He will always love you.
"I can't leave you, I just found you again I...I won't." He stands up and takes your hand.
"This wedding band, I bought it after out first date. I knew, that I was in love with you but I was so scared to lose you." Tears fall down your face as he presses your hand against his face.
"I ended up losing you anyways."
"He told me that story when he proposed." You say softly. He may be from another universe but he will always be the love of your life.
"You asked if I'd fall for you again, how could I not?" He presses his forehead to yours, noses knocking together as you get to take in the man before you.
"I will always love you. I don't care how you got here, where you're from or what you've done. " You close your eyes as Logan wraps you up in his arms. Holding you close as he whispers apologies.
"No matter how long its been, you're mine." You kiss Logan fiercely, tasting the man who you've longed to hold in your arms again.
He's equally as desperate to feel you. His hands squeezing your sides gently as he walks you back until you hit the wall. Your hands run through his hair, the feeling of your wedding band in his hair only eggs him on.
Silently he thanks the universe for bringing him to you, for your forgiving, loving nature. He would have begged on his knees for a chance like this. He growls when you tug on his hair. His hand slipping up your shirt just to feel your skin. When you finally part he refuses to stay too far.
"Tell me Logan, how long as it been." Your heart aches to think of the pain he's been through. The life he's had to live without anyone to calm his self loathing thoughts.
"I can't even remember." He sounds so tired as he buries his face in your neck.
"It's okay, I'm here now."
"I love you." He whispers, a sense of relief washing over him as he utters the words he thought he'd never get to say again.
You had been waiting for him to come home and you would have waited until the day you too your last breath. He's worth it, all that waiting was worth it for you to call Logan yours.
"I love you too Logan, forever."
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flippinpancakes64 · 10 months ago
Note
Could you write the Cullen's accidentally hurting their SO and how they would react?? (I alr know Jasper's is about to be so angsty lol)
The Cullens accidentally hurting their S/O
I've literally been rubbing my hands together like an evil villain waiting to do this request. I saw it in my inbox and had to hold myself back lol. And yes, I cannot resist the temptation to make Jasper suffer, so be prepared
Edit I got so carried away. If I had a word count on these it might be like 10k lol sorry not sorry
And thank you for this request! This was so much fun to write lol I hope you enjoy it!
Also quick note I might have channeled a bit too much inspiration from Saw or something cause I ended up getting a bit too into my descriptions of the injuries so
TW for graphic depictions of violence
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Edward:
You really wanted to go to this concert
Edward knew that, so as a birthday gift he bought you two tickets
One for you and one for him of course
He drove you to the stadium, studying the songs he was going to be hearing later that night
He bought everything that you looked at
You basically had your own merch table
The night was going great
You both found your seats, you were happily eating some overpriced stadium food, and the show was about to start
When a guy stood directly in front of you
The bad part about floor seats is that there aren't seats
The guy was easily 6'6, towering above you even if you are taller
Reading your thoughts, Edward tapped the guy on the shoulder, asking him if he would kindly move or crouch or something
He just looked, rolled his eyes, and stared forward again
"Dude, my partner can't see the show. Please just move a little"
"Don't care. Not my problem."
Edward's getting pissed, and the guy can tell
"What, you wanna fucking fight? Square up rich boy."
"No I don't want to fight I just want you to move a little"
"Okay, then maybe your partner here will fight instead"
And the next thing you know, you see the guy's huge fist heading straight for your head
Before it can land, Edward's hand pushes on your chest, sending you back into the people behind you and ending with you flat on the ground
Your back aches from the impact, your neck torqued from where your head whipped, and your cheek stinging from landing on the side of your face
You feel Edward's chill hands on the sides of your face, and faintly you hear him ask something frantically
You groan in pain as you feel him pick you up, and finally succumb to sleep
You wake up in Carlisle's clinic, staring at the white ceiling
A cold hand is wrapped around yours, and when you turn your head, you're greeted with bright gold eyes
No words are exchanged for a moment before you clear your throat
"So... did you at least rock that guy's shit?"
He laughs and kisses you
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Alice:
Alice was having a terrible week
She had been getting vision after vision, and none of them were true
Everything from a huge motor accident to what color shoes someone at school was going to wear
It was constant
She was running in circles, going somewhere, seeing a vision, turning around to go somewhere else, seeing a vision, turning again, and on and on
She was currently driving
Or more like swerving
All you needed were some damn glue sticks for a project you needed to do
But every time Alice decided on a new destination, a vision of a horrible catastrophe would enter her mind, and she would change her course
You had enough
"Alice! Enough of this! Just pull over and let me drive!"
"No! I need to know the safest route... ugh! Everywhere is dangerous!"
"Name one vision you've had in the past week that actually came true."
"Well I don't know if they would have come true or not because I didn't go to those places. And look! We are perfectly fine! Everyone is fine!"
"But I don't have all night, Alice! Just choose a fucking store and go there!"
"Fine."
And so she did. She chose the small supermarket right outside of town
She looked nervous as soon as she placed the car in park
But you ignored it and walked in
You walked through the aisles, looking for the one thing you came here for, when you hear Alice gasp behind you
In her mind, she sees you tripping and falling into a display of DVDs, cutting your arm on one of the metal frames holding them in place
And straight in your path is the DVD case
So naturally she tries to grab you
Only she doesn't grab you, she accidentally pushes
You don't fall in her vision, just like how you didn't fall in real life
She was the one who hurt you, pushed you
That was the problem
The reason why there was a horrible disaster everywhere she tried to go was because she was going to cause something one way or another
Only this is worse, because now it involves you
The DVDs scatter, and she hears your cry of pain as the sharp, crooked metal frame pierces the skin of your arm
She is by your side in a moment, scooping you up and not even bothering with the mess you both left behind
On the way home, you are trying to convince her that it's not that bad, but she is beside herself
After Carlisle's inspection, you get a couple of stitches in your right bicep, but other than that you're perfectly fine
And Alice doesn't leave your side
She is constantly fussing
Asking if you're okay, if you need anything, if you're mad at her, if you want to leave her, if you blame her
But after you go to sleep and she watches over your peaceful form, she convinces herself that you're alright
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Jasper:
It was spring break and the Cullens decided to go to one of Carlisle's many tropical properties
It was the third day of the trip, everybody went to do their own things
Alice, Esme, and Rosalie went into town to go souvenir shopping
They dragged Emmett along to be their personal bag carrier
Edward and Bella were down at the private beach that came with the property, enjoying the sun and relaxing
That left you, Jasper, and Carlisle
The three of you were at the attached pool on the house
Carlisle was marinating in the hot tub, sunglasses on and a book in his hands
You and Jasper were in the pool doing anything and everything
Diving, jumping, swimming, racing (he always won), and messing with the pool toys
You had just climbed up the stairs to get out of the pool again, intending on showing Jasper your graceful canonball
But he noticed you were walking a bit too fast
He saw you trip, and like slow motion he sprang out of the water to save you
Only he didn't
His arms wrapped around your middle, saving you from a possible twisted ankle or scraped knee or bruised butt
But that didn't stop the back of your head from smacking onto the concrete
White hot pain erupted behind your eyes and knocked you out instantly
Your blood began to seep onto the wet floor beneath you, and he couldn't help himself
Carlisle heard everything and got up immediately
But he didn't get there in time to stop Jasper from wrapping his mouth around your throat and biting down
In a flash Carlisle threw Jasper up and off of you, rocketing him into the water, and scooped you up to run inside
You awoke some hours later, a throbbing in your head and a dull pain in your neck
The beep of a heart monitor was all you heard
Looking around, you were in the room you shared with Jasper, where just the night before you wrapped around his cold body and drifted to sleep
Only he was nowhere to be seen
Carlisle came to check on you, and he told you what happened
"Where is he? Where's Jasper?"
"... He... left."
"What do you mean he left?"
"He almost killed you. He would have killed you if I wasn't there. He feels terrible- no. Terrible isn't strong enough of a word."
It takes Emmett and Edward tracking him down and dragging him home for you to see him again
And even then he insists on Edward and Emmett holding his arms in case he were to try anything
He looks so broken
Muted red eyes, golden blonde hair shooting in every direction, the same swim trunks he had been wearing that day were covered in dirt and blood- presumably yours
And his face
He looked on the verge of tears, he would have been crying if he could
If the dry heaves coming from deep in his chest were any indication
He flinches when you take his face in your hands, trying to get away, not wanting to hurt you more
But when he kisses you, he remembers why he tries so hard to be good in the first place
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Rosalie:
You had been asking Rosalie for WEEKS if she would pleeeeeeease take you hunting with her
And she had been turning you down for weeks
It's a very gross, animalistic process that she, quite frankly, doesn't want you to see
But she loves you
And she is only so strong
So after so many begs, pleads, and puppy dog eyes, she caves
She decides to make it a cute little weekend trip
Taking you to one of Carlisle's properties farther north into the snowy mountain region
You settle in to the spacious cabin and Rosalie makes sure you're all bundled up in luxurious furs and warm scarves before you both venture into the wilderness
She explains what she's doing step-by-step while she sniffs the air, searching for her prey
A wolf because she's part of the "Fuck Jacob" team
She sits you in a clearing and tells you to stay in place while she finds her wolf
You do, finding a snowy log and brushing it off to sit on
She ventures into the forest, eventually finding a suitable wolf and beginning her hunt
Chasing the wolf, being chased by the wolf, until she eventually leads it to your clearing
She knows you'll love the theatrics of seeing her kill it in live action
She chases the beast all the way until it's about to clear the tree line before she pounces
She can imagine herself from your point of view
Bright, shiny skin, flowing hair, posed in midair, and finally coming down gracefully upon her prize
Except she doesn't
The wolf takes a quick turn at the last moment, sending her flying straight into you
There's not much she can do while suspended in flight, and it happens too fast for you to recognize
In an instant her whole body slams into you at full force, knocking both of you onto the powdery ground below
The grunt of pain you let out is excruciating
She rolls off of you quickly, holding onto you, asking if you're okay, if you're hurt
You try to put on a brave face, but when you move your left arm in an attempt to prop yourself up, you find you can't move it
Broken. Completely snapped. And you scream
She paces in Carlisle's home clinic while he puts your cast on, worried out of her mind
But when Carlisle opens the door and she sees you sitting on the table with a goofy grin and a bright red cast, she can't help but relax
"You said red was your favorite color, right?"
And she just kisses you
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Emmett:
You'd been dating Emmett for a while now, and had decided it was time for him to meet your family
And what better time and place for a first meeting than your nephew's fourth birthday party?
It was the middle of August, and the sun was hot
The icing was melting off of the cake as it sat on the food table
All of the adults were drinking margaritas and the kids had decided to play with the water balloons to cool off
Your uncle and Emmett were filling up the balloons as all of the kids at the party talked excitedly
You laughed as your nephew came up to you and asked you to be on his team for the fight
Of course you couldn't say no
And of course, to even the playing field, the other team got to have your human tank of a boyfriend
Very even
Emmett just smirked at you as your uncle assumed his place as the referee and commenced the battle
Pink, blue, green, yellow, and red balloons were flying like crazy
Small party hats were knocked off of even smaller heads
The giggles of 20 little kids rang loud in the air as water spurted all over the grassy lawn
And you took your chance to pelt your boyfriend as hard as you could
His light blue shirt was soaked, and his khaki shorts had a huge wet spot on the front
You were doubled over in laughter at the sight of your scary boyfriend covered in little pieces of rubber, with one particularly large piece hanging off of his ear
But he hadn't thrown any at you yet
"Come on, big guy! Don't be a wussy!"
"Oh you asked for it now!"
You saw him grab a little pink water balloon, it looking even smaller in his hand, and he threw it straight at your head
You briefly wonder if he filled his balloon with cement
The next thing you know you're laying in bed, an ice pack perched on your forehead
"Oh my god, you're awake. I'm so sorry, baby. I didn't mean to, you know how I get out of control sometimes. Not that that's an excuse! I'm just trying to explain-"
You cut him off with a finger to his lips
"Shush... .'m tired"
And so he just lets you sleep the rest of the night, his hand in yours the whole time
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Esme:
Frankly, she doesn't know why you asked for her help
The Cullens had just moved into their newest house, and everything was set for the "kids" to join the local highschool the next day
You wanted a new look
"New place, new people, new me" you had said
She understood that much
But when you approached her one night with a box of hair bleach and a pleading look on your face, she was lost
Why her? Why not Alice or Rosalie? Or- and hear me out- a professional? They had the money
But you wanted to do it yourself. But not actually yourself For some reason you wanted Esme to do it
And even though she didn't understand, she still agreed
So that's how she found herself closely studying the instructions on the back of the little box telling her what to mix and where
"What's taking so long?"
"Hold on... ugh! This thing doesn't make any sense!"
"It's okay I'm sure it's super simple. I mean they give you all of the stuff. Just mix it all together and slap it on my head!"
Bad idea
She mixes everything together just like you asked, and plops a big lump of it onto the crown of your head
Instantly your hair starts smoking
You scream, asking her to take it off
And she tries, but it's not working
Carlisle to the rescue once more
She is so apologetic
She feels so bad that she hurt you so much
And at least you did get that new look you wanted
Shaved-to-the-skin bald
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Carlisle:
He was feeling a bit cooped up
He loves his family, and he loves his life in the Americas, but sometimes he misses traveling and his old friends
So he decided to take you with him to Europe to see some old pals
Not the Volturi obviously
But some other acquaintances he hadn't seen for a while
You were a month into the three-month trip Carlisle had planned
You'd visited Italy, Greece, Spain, France, Britain, and were on your way to Germany
This next friend you were on your way to visit was a man named Friedrich Hans
Carlisle spoke passively about him, nothing positive or negative
He was one of the ones he hadn't been able to contact beforehand about visiting
He wasn't even sure if Friedrich was still alive, or if he even lived in Germany
He wasn't betting on either, but he still figured he would try a visit
The taxi pulled up in front of an unassuming house on a busy street in Berlin, painted a light grey with black paneling around the windows and doors
Carlisle opened your door for you, extending a hand to help you out
He walked with you to the door, rapping his knuckles against the solid wood
Instantly it creaked open and a voice inside whispered "Perfect" before a pale, veiny hand reached out and grabbed your arm
You yelled for it to let you go, begging Carlisle for some help
He grabbed you around the waist with one arm, using the other to try to pry the man's hand from your wrist
The opposing forces splintered on your bones and a sickening crack ran through your arm
Your hand fell limp and Carlisle was finally able to pry you away from the force in the house
"Ah... Carlisle... old friend"
"Old friend? You just tried to kill my S/O!"
"S/O... you always were a weird one Mr. Cullen... sincerest apologies... come in for chat?"
"No thank you, I believe we will be taking our leave now."
And with that he rushed you to the nearest hospital
He didn't have his medical equipment, so he just pretended to not know German so they wouldn't ask questions about how you broke your wrist
He cuts the trip short then and there
He sends letters to all of his friends that he wasn't able to visit, explaining that something urgent came up
He is so apologetic for the weeks afterward
He is convinced it was his fault even though it wasn't
He doesn't relax until your cast is off btw
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Vampire! Bella:
Since she's so new to the vampire life, she doesn't know her own limits yet
She has hurt you a lot in the past
All accidents of course
Hugging you too hard, punching you playfully on the shoulder, telling you to catch something and literally lobbing it as hard as she can
She always feels terrible afterwards
But the worst was the time you took her bowling
It was 10 am on a Tuesday and there was no one at the bowling alley
Not even the competitive grandmas and grandpas in their bowling leagues
The only other person in the building was the bored looking cashier who wasn't even trying to hide that he was on his phone behind the counter
You both took your time to pick your balls, trying out all of the ones on the rack to see your best fits
You laced up your ugly shoes, input your names on the scoreboard screen and off you went
It was fun for the first couple of turns
Until the ball return does that stupid thing where it doesn't actually return your ball
It's your turn, and you're standing at the ball return tapping your foot restlessly waiting for it to show up
"You know, you can just use mine"
Bella stands up and grabs the ball she chose
The resin was a beautiful mix of black, purple, and pink with some reflective glitter sprinkled throughout
It's so gorgeous that you don't even check the weight
You hold out your hands to take it and it just drops straight through
And directly onto your foot
You let out a loud scream and try to move, but the ball won't roll off of your foot
Bella starts panicking, asking what she should do, scrambling around until eventually she picks up the ball and throws it onto the ground behind her
Maybe she forgot that the cashier was there, or maybe she didn't care, but she picked you up and started sprinting at full speed back to the Cullen house
She even left the car at the alley smh
On the verge of inconsolable
She is so frustrated that she can't learn to control herself
Doesn't leave your side tho
Note: Just for shits and gigs I timed how long this took me
Started at 12:01 am
Jasper done at 12:21 am
Edward done at 12:40 am
Alice done at 12:56 am
Rosalie done at 1:19 am
Emmett done at 1:33 am
Esme done at 1:44 am
Carlisle done at 2:03 am
Bella done at 2:16 am
Total time 2 hrs 15 mins
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897 notes · View notes
transformation4life · 9 months ago
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Big Ol' Gains
(Trade with: @bigwishes)
I never understood why my body just wouldn't grow. I've been going to the gym for months now and my body hasn't reflect that at all! My chest is flat, no abs to be seen, and twigs for arms! It's just not fair. I see the big guys around my local gym and I get so jealous... But that changes today! I found something that will most definitely change that. It's called... "Big Ol' Protein". I found an ad for it that promised results or my money back and I couldn't resist guaranteed gains. I even paid for express shipping so it arrived before my next workout. i waited patiently by the door until i heard a bell ring and the box arrived. I was so giddy that I unboxed it and looked at it in awe. The first thing in the box was some sort of warning and side effects of using the protein but like I care! I make a shake and put it in the fridge for tomorrow. I'm gonna get some gains!
The next morning I wake up bright and early and grab my workout bad along with my shake arriving at the gym soon after and dousing the shake in one sitting before getting on with my routine. Compared to my last gym session this time it felt amazing! Maybe this stuff actually worked! I was dripping in sweat and felt like I had the best pump of my life. I looked down and it looked like I've gained some bulk! It worked! I just need to consume more of this stuff and I'm set.
One week later...
God, this stuff really works... I've gained so much bulk in just a week. I even took a selfie to commemorate. The first I've taken since I've started working out!
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I wasn't expecting to start growing facial hair but maybe it's the extra testosterone in my veins and I'm definitely not complaining. I could even fear my rear and "down there" growing... For the first time other gym goers have asked ME for advice and even seasoned gym goers want to talk to me! My life is finally coming around! Although I still need to get bigger... I'm not done yet...
Three weeks later...
I can't get enough of Big Ol' protein I've started putting it in my food and day to day drinks. A meal without Big Ol' protein is a meal not worth eating. I've gotten some friends who want to bulk up just like me and are happy to take progress photos for me. Don't I look even huger than last time?
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Every part of my body has bulked immensely since I started. Just looking at anything is euphoric. My legs are like two thick trunks of pure beef.
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Some of my workout buddies are getting concerned with how much Big Ol' protein I've been consuming, but they just don't understand the grind of getting big. My rear has also blossomed into two bouncy balloons of pure muscle. I can't help but give 'em a squeeze.
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With that mind however I must do whatever it takes to get big. Nothing else matters. I must get bigger... I need to get BIGGER.
Three months later...
It's been so long since Big Ol' Protein changed my life. All my clothes are getting too small for and I couldn't be happier to find that out. I live, breathe, and of course eat Big Ol' Protein. Testosterone is flowing through my veins and it's exhilarating. I don't care if I'm addicted I love it almost as much as my gains. I'm even sponsored by the company now it's great! My workout buddies look at me in awe now and I'm basically the kind of my gym now. People fawn over to me asking for advice. All I say is start consuming Big Ol' protein. God I love my big Bulking body more than anything, but I'm not done. I will never will be done. I need to get bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger. And also a flex wouldn't hurt.
"Fuck yeah look at those biceps..."
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whisperofwonder · 5 months ago
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Oh, Baby | Part 2
part 1 is here - pregnant!reader
Haikyuu men as new(ish) fathers
Featuring: Miya Osamu, Kuroo Tetsurou, Kageyama Tobio, Sakusa Kiyoomi
You don't really have to read part 1, but these are set after those drabbles, and they each do call back to them in some way
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MIYA OSAMU
At the jingle of the familiar bell, Osamu looks up, smile breaking across his face at the sight of you walking through the door. Your son is bundled up in his carrier, sleeping soundly after all the excitement of his six week doctor's appointment. Osamu steps around the counter to meet you, reaching to grab the carrier as he steals a quick kiss. "How'd the appointment go?" He asks as you settle into your usual stool at the counter, situating the baby carrier next to you.
"Good," You nod, looking down at the peaceful face of your sleeping son, still drinking him in after all these weeks. "Everything is going well. He's growing so fast." You look up at your husband and catch him still looking down at the baby. You wonder if your emotions are as obvious as his, drawn so clearly across his face.
"Good," He finally tears his eyes away to look at you, softness still lingering. "Are ya hungry?" He asks next - the question you've been waiting for.
"Starving," You say emphatically. With the busyness of the morning, you haven't had time to eat much. The delightful smells coming from the kitchen are only making you hungrier.
"What're ya in the mood for?"
You know immediately. You usually do. "Spicy tuna."
"Ya sure?" He quirks an eyebrow. You frown as he leans in closer across the counter, a smirk growing on his face. "I mean, it sounds so normal."
"Oh, stop it!" You huff. "It's been months!" You aren't sure if he'll ever let you forget the bizarre onigiri combinations your pregnancy cravings had produced.
"Yer lucky I love ya," He says fondly, ducking back into the kitchen before you can make any kind of retort. It isn't long before he returns, setting the plate of onigiri in front of you with a flourish.
"Thank you," You say, tilting your chin up in invitation. Osamu glances around, the few regulars in the restaurant familiar enough with the two of you, before taking you up on the invitation, kissing you a little more deeply than he might have otherwise.
"Yer welcome," He says softly as he pulls away, "Better eat it before it gets cold." You don't need any more prompting, eagerly reaching for one of the onigiri and taking a big bite. You close your eyes in delight, savoring it. Across from you, Osamu rests his forearms on the counter, content to watch in silence as you enjoy the food he'd prepared for you.
You're nearly finished when the bell above the door jingles again, and Osamu greets the customers who have just entered.
"We should get going," You murmur to him, and he nods. You pop the last bite in your mouth and gather your things while he takes the order, stopping back by your seat after dropping it off in the kitchen.
"I'll see you both when I get home," He says, brushing his fingertips against your son's soft cheek.
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KUROO TETSUROU
"Go ahead," Tetsurou insists, "Go take a shower. A long shower. Or a bath, even. I've got this." He bounces your daughter in his arms, still fussing even though she's just been fed.
"But, Tetsu," You look down at her scrunched up face, the sounds of her unhappiness tugging at your heartstrings.
"She'll be fine," He says in a soothing voice - you aren't sure whether it's for your sake, or the baby's. "And you deserve it. When's the last time you've taken a shower that lasted longer than five minutes?" He asks pointedly.
"Dunno," You mumble, resting your hand on her tummy. She does seem to be settling down, just a little. "If you're sure," You say, beginning to relent.
"I'm sure," He says, in a tone you usually know better than to argue with. "I'll get her changed and all ready for bed by the time you're done," He promises.
You do as he says, taking an admittedly much-needed shower. You take your time washing your hair, even using the fancy hair mask and body scrub your friend had gifted you at the baby shower - a little something for you, she'd said with a small knowing smile. You hadn't even opened them until today.
You're surprised by how much better you really do feel, afterwards. You're warm, your hair is soft, and you smell good. Once you slip into your cozy pajamas, you're almost ready to fall asleep right then and there. You have to check on your husband and daughter, though.
They aren't in the nursery. The bedroom sounds suspiciously quiet. Slowly, you push the door open, not expecting the sight you're greeted with.
Your husband is lying on top of the covers, head tipped back against the pillows as he dozes. On his chest, your daughter is snuggled up, her pudgy cheek smushed against him, fist clutching a handful of his t-shirt. He has a hand resting protectively across her back, holding her close. For a few moments, you're frozen in the doorway, taking in the sight before you. You press your fingers to your lips as the emotions well up in your chest.
You must make some kind of sound, because Tetsurou soon stirs, turning his head to look at you. "Hey," He says blearily, "I was just resting my eyes."
You smile softly, finally making your way across the room to them now that the spell is broken. "Sure," You tease gently, not begrudging him the moments of sleep he'd managed to steal.
"How was your shower?" He asks as you curl yourself against him, cheek resting on his shoulder as you look down at your sleeping daughter.
"Good," You whisper. "Really nice. Thank you." He presses a kiss to the top of your head in response. You watch her in silence for a few moments, sleeping so contently snuggled against her daddy's chest. "You got her to sleep," You comment softly. It shouldn't come as a surprise - it's one of your favorite places to fall asleep as well.
"Yeah," He hums, "I think she just wanted some snuggles." He tucks the fingers of his fee hand beneath the hem of your shirt, tracing aimless shapes there. "Sounds a little bit like someone else I know," He adds with a soft chuckle.
"Well, we can't help it that you're just so snuggly," You murmur. You reach out to gently brush your fingertips against her fist. You don't want to wake her up, but you can't resist. You tilt your head up to look at him. "You help us feel safe," You add.
He shifts her on his chest, just enough that he can crane his neck far enough to kiss you. "Good," He murmurs against your lips.
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KAGEYAMA TOBIO
You wake with a start. It comes back to you - Tobio had gotten up to check on your daughter when she started fussing, and you'd been waiting for him to come back to bed. You must have drifted off, but he still isn't back in his spot beside you. His pillow is cold now, and you aren't sure just how long he's been gone.
The house is quiet, but you can't shake your concern. Slipping out of bed, you pad to the nursery just a few steps away. In the warm glow of the night light, you see him sitting in the rocking chair by the crib, arms folded on the edge of it and chin rested on his arms.
"Tobio?" He jerks his head up, turning to look at you. "What are you doing?" You move beside him, taking in the sight he seems so enraptured by. Your daughter is sleeping, her small chest rising and falling with her soft breaths. Her nose scrunches, just for a moment, then relaxes again. It makes your heart twist in your chest.
"Sorry. Got distracted, I guess," He whispers, lowering his head to his arms again. "I was just thinking, her nose looks a lot like yours. Doesn't it?" He turns to look at you.
"I guess so," You murmur back.
"It's a nice nose," He says matter of factly.
"I guess so," You repeat with a quiet laugh. "Don't you want to come back to bed?"
"Soon," He nods, "Just a couple more minutes." You both fall silent then, and he slips an arm around your waist, pulling you down onto the arm of the chair. Slowly, you lean your head against his. You find yourself thinking that you could stay like this forever - pressed up against him, looking down at the perfect little person that is your daughter.
Sure, you'll be tired in the morning, but what else is new?
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SAKUSA KIYOOMI
"That doesn't go in the dishwasher," You say from your spot on the couch, the one seat with a perfect view into the kitchen. You're feeding your son, and Kiyoomi is cleaning up.
"I know," He says evenly, turning and setting the bottle next to the sink with the others. "I'll wash them after the dishwasher is loaded."
"Oh," You say softly. It's been harder for you than you'll admit, accepting so much help from Kiyoomi. You'd been so confident that you could still do everything, even after the baby came, but it's proven to be much more difficult than you'd so naively anticipated.
"I'm sorry," You say with a sigh, watching as he rinses off the dinner plates before slotting them in the dishwasher. "You shouldn't have to be doing this. I could have done it, right after he's finished eating."
Kiyoomi stops, putting the mug he'd just picked up back in the sink. He crosses the kitchen, sinking down next to you on the couch. You put down the bottle, adjusting your son in your arms.
"Hey," He says quietly, dipping his chin to meet your gaze. "Don't do that."
"Do what?" You ask, tugging a wrinkle out of your son's onesie and using the action as an excuse to look down at him instead of into your husband's eyes.
"Think that you have to handle everything. We're a team, remember?" You make a sound that he could interpret as agreement if he wanted to. He sighs. "You're incredible, and I love you," He says, tilting your chin up with his fingertips so you have no choice but to look at him again. "A month ago, I watched you do the hardest thing you've ever done, and I couldn't do anything to make it easier for you. The least I can do now is wash a few dishes."
You want to smile. You want to cry. Hormones are stupid. "Kiyoomi," You say softly as his thumb swipes away a tear you hadn't realized slipped down your face.
"I'm going to keep doing my part, so you might as well accept it." He leans in and presses a kiss to your temple. "Okay?"
"Okay," You say, smile growing on your face. "Kiyoomi?" You add after a beat, when it's clear he isn't getting up quite yet, "The dishwasher isn't going to load itself, you know."
He opens his mouth, then closes it with a shake of his head, trying to disguise the smile playing at the corners of his lips. "Yes ma'am."
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pomefioredove · 5 months ago
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Hello! I hope you feel better soon :) remember to drink lots of water!!
Could I request a one-shot with Idia, where reader brings him a meal they cooked themselves since he hasn't had much to eat in the past few days? (Sorry if this is too vague I've just been having thoughts of taking care of Idia)
no this is perfect! <3 actually just what I needed to write rn
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*ੈ✩‧₊˚ you have that effect on him
type of post: fic characters: idia additional info: romantic or platonic, reader is gender neutral, reader is yuu, food, mentions of eating and not eating, depression👍, actually cute, reader is not there much sorry,,,
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One breath in. One breath out.
Idia has been counting the snicks and scorches on the ceiling all weekend.
They're mostly his. Haywire robots and Ortho mishaps, which he always takes the blame for. One dark smudge is from his shoe, when there was a bug on the ceiling and his brother was out of the room.
Each like a star in his own sky, memories of the days he could get out of bed.
This is not one of them.
Nor was yesterday. Or the day before that.
Just one of those weeks.
One breath in, one breath out. Idia feels painfully aware of the rise and fall of his chest.
He'd sent Ortho on some pointless sidequest for the day. He needed to be alone- well, not really. He just didn't want his brother to worry about him.
He gives up sleep, and lies on his side instead, opening his phone to doomscroll again. The harsh blue light makes his eyes water in the dark of his room.
It feels like he's been locked in an unskippable cutscene all week.
What would you think of him if you could see him now?
He doesn't want to picture it. Idia feels pathetic enough as a cringey, awkward, social reject, even if you like him that way.
There's no going up. When he hits rock bottom, he starts digging.
Knock.
Idia cringes at the sound. He was hoping to be asleep before Ortho came back.
Knock, knock.
"Come in,"
But he doesn't. Idia finally looks up, at the door. Ortho will give the compulsory three knocks, then wait for a verbal command, and then come in. He was programmed that way. He usually talks, too.
But, nothing.
Not Ortho, then.
Idia cozies himself back up in bed, dressing himself in blankets as if they were... well, a shroud.
Another hour goes by. At nine PM sharp, Ortho's melodious knocks, his happy chiming, and the light from the hall follow.
"Find that thing?" Idia asks. He can't even remember what he asked Ortho to get.
"Yep! And guess what! You have a present!"
Psh. Wut? Idia looks up from his phone.
Ortho hovers to the edge of the bed and hands Idia something lukewarm, in a covered glass dish.
"Whatsit?"
His brother giggles. "Can't you guess? You don't even need a scanner for it!"
Idia can't help but crack a smile at that, and he slowly sits up. He peels off the lid of the dish. It's soup.
"Did you make this?" he asks, inspecting the lukewarm dish.
Ortho gives a negative chime. "It was by your door when I returned. Would you like me to heat it up for you?"
"Uh..." Idia hums. "...Yeah. That'd be good."
Within a few minutes, it's back in his lap, hot again. Idia cautiously takes a bite. It's rich, filling, and good, clearly homemade. Not some cheap junk out of a can. One spoonful is more filling than any of the garbage he'd eaten in the past week.
"Your hormonal levels and body language indicate that it's satisfactory. Do you know who left it?" Ortho asks.
Idia shrugs. "Someone came by earlier, but I didn't get the door. Who'd leave me a home cooked meal, anyway?"
He eats some more. It's hard not to enjoy himself, if only a little.
"Well..." Ortho says. "...I may have mentioned to the Prefect that you've been unwell."
Idia almost does a spit-take. "WHAT?! WHA- WH?! This is- th-"
"Calm, Idy! I just said you weren't feeling well! They must have thought you were sick!"
He almost collapses on his bed. His hands are shaking. How humiliating. And he already looked lame enough as it was.
One breath in, one breath out.
"They came all the way out here..." he mutters, stirring the soup around the dish.
"They must really care about you, Idy!"
Idia's face goes bright red. "Don't say it like that..." he mumbles.
But he'd be lying if he wasn't secretly hoping that was true. The thought of you having made something like this just because he felt bad... well... it's a nice one.
You care.
Idia makes a mental note to send you a DM later. As thanks. And to ask if you have any soup left. It's pretty good...
Maybe the promise of you coming over will motivate him to get out of bed.
You have that effect on him.
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woso-dreamzzz · 7 months ago
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Different II
Katie McCabe x Teen!Reader
Summary: You get your diagnosis
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There's a lot of hoops to jump through to finally work out what's wrong with you.
Mam doesn't like you using those words. She doesn't like referring to it as 'what's wrong with you'. She tells you that you're perfect. Nothing is wrong with you. You're perfect the way you are.
There's nothing wrong. You're jumping through these hoops so Katie can finally understand how to help you.
You meet with the paediatrician who makes follow-up appointments for you with a psychologist and an occupational therapist.
The psychologist rules out things like dyscalculia and dyslexia. She says you don't have anxiety and depression either.
You go to the occupational therapist. He runs you through a series of tests. At first, it's big things like jumping or using a skipping rope before he moves onto the smaller things like holding a paintbrush and placing weird pegs things into small holes.
You go back to the paediatrician.
"Dyspraxia," Katie says that evening as you both sit on her bed together," That's what it's called. Dyspraxia."
"I know," You say," I was in the room with you when we got told."
She's holding the pamphlet and folder that the doctor had given you, explaining all the ins and outs of the condition.
It's nothing that you haven't experienced first-hand. You imagine all of these documents were made for parents of little kids who got diagnosed. You imagine it's more for Katie's benefit than your own.
You know what it's like to live with this condition. You know what to expect and how to adapt.
Katie is the one that will be reading those pages front to back, well into the night even though she's got training the next day.
You're off school for the week.
One of the gas taps in the science laps has started leaking so the whole school was shut down as a precaution.
You're more than happy to tag along to training, stealing one of the muffins from the dining hall to eat by yourself out on the pitch.
"So," Kim says as she sits next to you," I heard from Katie that you finally got that diagnosis."
You shrug. "It's nice to have a name for it now. I think Mam's read that folder at least ten times now. I don't know if she even got any sleep last night."
"That sounds like Katie." Kim nudges you with her knee. "How are you feeling about it?"
"It is what it is," You reply, picking at your muffin," Mam said that she's still trying to take it all in. I don't know if that's good or bad."
Katie had been resistant at first. She hadn't wanted you to get tested for anything. You were perfect the way you were and she didn't want anyone to make you think otherwise.
She was all denial.
Deny, deny, deny.
You were brutal acceptance.
There was something that made you different to the other kids. There was something that made you different to most other people you had ever met.
You don't know now what Katie thinks of your diagnosis, this new label to stick on yourself.
You don't know if it'll change how she thinks of you. If she'll think you're less perfect now that you've got something official to say that you aren't.
"Katie loves you," Kim says," That won't ever change. You're her kid."
"I'm not a kid," You grumble and Kim laughs.
"You're her teenager then," She corrects," But she does love you and all she wants is to give you the best possible life."
"Yeah but-"
"It's not going to change anything," Kim insists," Okay? Katie loves you."
You don't doubt that. You've never doubted that.
You just hope Katie doesn't doubt it either.
She paces in front of you that evening and you hold your breath.
"I've talked to your school," She says," They're working on getting you a school-issued laptop but for the time being you're allowed to bring in one of ours from home. You'll get extra time for your exams and the teachers are going to start giving you more handouts rather than making you write everything up."
"Wait...what?"
"What do you mean what?"
You frown. "Mam...I...I don't get it."
"You're getting accommodations," katie says, sitting right next to you," Because you're different to the other kids and need a bit more support. You're a smart kid. You just need to do things a little differently. We're getting you help."
"Mam, I..." You don't quite know what to say. "Thank you."
"Don't thank me," Katie says," I love you. I'm just making sure you get what you deserve."
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