#i've been trying very very hard all day and i think that's it for me. i think i'm done.

[gingersnapwolves]

so I had some thoughts on the burnout post but didn't want to hijack it so this is just my own rambling attempt to process the feelings I've been struggling with for two days which obviously not everyone wants to read, thus my putting a read more

I've been crying off and on for the past couple days which is really no surprise, and I've been trying to avoid political news and political posts. In fact, after this I plan to hide the political tags for a while, heavily curate my Reddit experience, and then do I don't even know what with all my new free time

because I don't talk about it a lot here, this is my fandom space, my casual space, and I'll sometimes post about personal stuff but almost never politics, but I am actually very political. 'member of multiple political mailing lists, have marched in many protests, write postcards to swing state voters' political. and I want to talk a little about why this defeat feels different. because this crushed me in a way that 2016 did not.

the thing is. over the past few days I've seen a lot of people talking about how if you didn't realize Trump was going to win, you live in a bubble. and I think to a certain extent that's true. we all have our little echo chambers. but for me, at least, and a lot of the people I know, it wasn't just that. it was this core certainty that Trump would not win, could not win, because surely our country wasn't like that. surely our fellow Americans were not like that. it wasn't about competency or about policy. it was about basic human decency. and that's what I feel like we lost. not an election. but any remaining belief we had that people are basically good.

because it seems they're not. at least not around here. the cold hard fact at the end of the day is that the majority of our country looked at a senile, racist, fascist criminal grifter [eta: how could I forget rapist in that description?] and either actively wanted him to hold the highest office in the land, or just didn't care whether or not he did. they know exactly what he's going to do, and they're fine with it. and that hurts so much that it is nearly unbearable.

how do you move on from that? how do you cope with the fact that there's something so deeply rotten at the core of your fellow man? how do you deal with that? how do you fight back?

I am full of so much grief that I literally don't know where to put it.

so I don't want to fight anymore. I'm tired. I'm nauseated. I'm angry. But most of all, I'm sad. I can't do it right now. and I think that's probably okay. I think in six weeks or six months I'll feel differently. but right now I just can't do it. and I think the most important thing really can be to take a step back and focus on something else. because I know these feelings are not productive. I know that there are still good people out there and there are still things worth fighting for. but right now, all I feel is this aching chasm where my faith in humanity used to be.

so I'm unplugging - not from fandom or tumblr, but from politics and news - for at least a little while. sometimes that's the most important thing to do if you want to still be able to get out of bed in the morning.

[localcanadiancreature62]

Lobotomy husbands fic cuz ive been waiting on making this until i drew the rest of the fucked up zodiac member clone group but yeah no i need them now. Also heyy this is technically their first actual interaction since i've been going on and on about them being husbands yet i haven't written them properly interacting except for that one intro thing.

Title - Perfect Day in the Perfect World

Bill watches Ford do some paperwork for his Oregon Institute of Oddology company as he waits for him to finish work so that he can finally spend time together with his genius. The triangle grins happily at Ford with his eye,who then gives him a tired smile in return as he yawns while going back to filling out forms in order to give other businesses permission to use his company's useful gadgetry. Bill keeps supervising his researcher husband while floating at his side as he kept grinning,but then he noticed the man shaking as he held the pen in his hand. Crushing it in his fist as the ink splattered everywhere. The genius keeps looking at the mess he made in a tired daze before realizing what had happened as Bill then floated closer toward him in concern,summoning a cloth to help Ford clean up the mess before he could do anything himself.

"Fordsy,what the heck was that?. Are you okay?,maybe you should take a break." Bill asks as he took a worried glance toward the man who just dismissively waved his hand at his triangular partner in order to assure him that he's fine. "I'm fine,my dear muse. I think that three days of trying to fill out these papers ever since Fiddleford decided that we should take turns is getting to me,i just need some rest and i'll be in tip top shape. I'll be with you in bed in a bit after i get these done." Ford explains as the isosceles still looks at him in concern but he lets it slide as his Fordsy has always been this stubborn.

"Fine. Don't overwork yourself too hard,Sixer. I'll be waiting~." Bill remarks as the flirty comment makes the man chuckle,with him floating away after he had finished wiping off his genius' inky mess. The triangle waits for a few minutes,which later turned into a few hours as he groans while bored out of his mind trying to wait for Ford. 'I wonder what he's doing now. He's taking a long time over there,although fleshbag work has always been lengthy and all. And that weird outburst.. I didn't look into his thoughts this time,but the way he started shaking before he destroyed the pen made it very clear that he was pretty stressed. I'm the reason why he's like this. I think that part of the reason why he's been so stressed lately is because of the aching feeling that there's something wrong with his life,and it's eating him up from the inside.' Bill thought to himself as he realized that the reason why Ford has been recently acting weird and high strung was actually him,he was the problem.

Although he wasn't willing to confront the fact that he had to deal with said problem,as that meant letting go of Ford. The isosceles then sighed as he brushed off that thought and kept waiting for his genius in the bedroom so that they could sleep together.

Only for him to hear glass shattering from the man's office as he then quickly floated over to the other room as he then prepared to blast flames at the intruder who entered their condo,but he then realizes that there's no threat after seeing that there was no intruder and just Ford himself staring at a broken vase while disoriented as he then ceased the fire from his hands. "Ford,what happened?." Bill asks as he looked at his genius in concern once more. "Oh uh. I accidentally knocked into a vase while zoning out again. Luckily,none of the glass got onto my hands or face. I'm okay,Bill." Ford replied as he gave his triangle a tired smile,snapping out of his dissociative daze.

"Oh.. He's disassociating again. That's a problem." Bill says as he voices his thoughts outloud,replying more to himself than his genius. "What?. What problem?." Ford questions,confused about what his husband just said. "Uhh nevermind. I'm glad that you're okay. I honestly thought that some dumb idiot tried to break into our house,but it was just your silly goose messing up again." Bill remarks as he then snapped his fingers to fix the vase as it then returned to it's original state on the small table near Ford. Ford then smiled at his dear muse while looking at him with adoring eyes,being glad that the triangle still loves him even in his difficult mental state.

"You know my muse,i'm happy to know that you still care about me even in my.. unstable mental state. I'm sorry to bother you with my mistakes when your All Seeing Greatness should be used for extraordinary things rather than my mortal failings." Ford says while looking at the isosceles in slight guilt,as he deems that a mere mortal like him pales in comparison to the brilliance of his near-god husband as the triangle's eye widens in surprise over the man's comment. "Fordsy,you're never a bother to me. You're my husband and i love you. I'll take care of you and deal with your mistakes for as long as you live." Bill reassures while he gave the man a gentle smile as the genius lets out a light chuckle,not expecting anything else from his husband but sheer adoration as he feels comforted by the triangle's words.

"Good then. Now let's go sleep,hm?. I finished the paperwork as i was heading out to bed earlier." Ford replied as Bill nodded while the triangle grabs his hand and holds it tight as the two walk over to the bedroom,or more like Bill floats and Ford walks alongside him. Bill makes it to the bed as Ford then begins to undo his tie after taking off his labcoat while the triangle watches him as he waited for his researcher husband to lay beside him as the man tiredly smiles at him once more but then before he could fully take off his tie,he feels a sharp pain in his skull as he groans in pain while beginning to dissociate as he clutches his own head while the triangle immediately comes to his aid as he asks him what's wrong only to get no response as he realizes what's happening. "Fordsy?. Fordsy?!. What happened?!." Bill exclaims but then he stops once he gets no response,watching as the man stares at the ground in an unfocused daze as he realizes that the man is dissociating again.

The triangle then resorts to shaking him back to normal since he knew the exact reason why this is happening,the constant memory erasure that he kept subjecting his poor genius to and so he figured that trying to erase things again would only make the problem worse. 'I shouldn't have resorted to memory erasing to fix every argument or problem we ever had. I just want him to be happy,but i never wanted it to turn out like this. The fixed state of my reality warping powers is getting rejected by his mind,and it's destroying him from the inside.' Bill thought to himself as he tearfully kept trying to shake his husband back into his original state. Then it clicked. As if a switch was flipped,Ford snaps out of his dissociative daze and blinks as he looks at the crying isosceles while a bit disoriented from the dissociative episode.

Ford's expression softens as he took a guilty glance at the triangle as he caressed his face,gently rubbing his finger over Bill's tears. "You're crying.. I did it again,didn't i? I had another episode. I'm sorry,my dear muse. I can't keep worrying you like this." Ford remarks as the triangle then hugs him as he smiled at his triangular husband. "It's okay. I just thought that you wouldn't come back this time,i thought that you broke permanently. This is a problem even my powers can't fix,but that's fine as long as you still get to be with me." Bill explains with a tinge of guilt,knowing that he caused this as he then stopped crying once he felt his genius' warm embrace. "I guess so. I'd be glad to keep being with you even with my broken mind,my dear muse. My triangle. My dearest Cipher~." Ford says as he then pulled away from the embrace as he kissed the isosceles straight on the eye mouth as he blushed,deciding to make up for those upsetting episodes by giving his beloved a tender kiss. Bill kisses back as he then lightly makes out with the genius,dragging him to the bed so that they could make out more comfortably. The two keep going at it for a while as various passionate groans and whimpers fill the room,but then after a while Bill realizes that his husband hasn't slept in three days yet he's putting all of his energy on him. He then pulls away in order to let the man sleep as the genius looks in confusion.

"Oh?. I thought we were going to take it a bit further?~." Ford asks as he slyly looks at the isosceles. "Yeah,but you need your rest. Do i need to remind you that you haven't had any proper sleep in three days,Fordsy?." Bill remarks as the genius looks up at him in slight embarrassment as he realizes that he does need rest and that he ended up letting himself get a bit too carried away with his husband. "Ah,right. I apologize,your intoxicating taste was too tempting~." Ford explains as the triangle then blushed from the comment. "Oh stop it. Now,sleep." Bill demands as the researcher complied and took off his sweater vest as well as his tie,only leaving his red collar shirt as he then laid beside the triangle who put on his own sleepwear in the form of a night cap with a snap of his fingers. Ford then shut his eyes as he embraced the triangle who turned off the light with a finger snap,with him shutting his own eye as well as the two went to sleep. Only Bill didn't fall asleep,he stayed up thinking about how he could make it up to his genius since he outright caused his mind to be shattered with the constant memory erasure. But then he had an idea. 'I feel terrible for basically breaking Fordsy's mind with the memory erasing. I need to make it up to him,even if he doesn't know why i'll be doing it. I need to make him happy,i need to fix this even for a little bit. Aha. I'll plan a day just for him,with all of his favorite things and favorite places. a Perfect Day in the Perfect World.' Bill thought to himself as he then let himself rest,planning to wake up early in order to plan out the day for his beloved.

The following day,Bill wakes up and slowly moves away from his genius' arms as the man continues sleeping while being unaware of his husband's great plan for him. He then goes over to the kitchen and summons all of Ford's favorite breakfast dishes such as jellybean cereal nutella waffles cream and strawberry crepes et cetera. Then he books a science museum a space observatory for stargazing a taxidermy center for extinct cryptid specimens and various other nerdy places for his genius. And a gift in the form of a light show that'll activate with a snap of his fingers,the light show will draw out Ford's favorite constellation "William" onto the sky via his flames. Plus he had Fiddleford deal with the company's duties for now,thus leaving the Oregon Institute of Oddology to the hillbilly and giving Ford a day off. Now that everything is done and all planned out,the triangle then waits for his researcher husband to wake up as he sat there in his chair at the kitchen while looking through the man's Journals to pass the time.

After about three hours of waiting,Ford finally wakes up at 8am as he yawns and stretches while walking down the spiral stairs. Bill grins as his eye shines brightly from being overjoyed to see his beloved as the man tiredly waves at him while smiling as he sits down in his chair. "Good morning,my dear muse.." Ford says groggily as he slumps his head on the table,not yet realizing the copious amounts of breakfast that the triangle has prepared for him. "Good morning,Fordsy!. How did you sleep?." Bill asks in a chipper tone,excited to spend the day with his beloved. "I slept well.. Still a bit tired though.. But i'm happy to see you." Ford replied as he then smiled at the triangle as he then walked over to hug him,kissing him on the forehead as he put him in a tight embrace as Bill blushed.

The man then noticed the several plates of breakfast littering the table,as he realized that they're all his favorite dishes while still hugging his husband. "My muse,you did all of this for me?." Ford questions as he eyed the various dishes on the table. "Yup!. They're all for you. And i have more surprises planned for today,as i want to give you a day off with just us since i noticed how stressed you were yesterday." Bill explains as the researcher's eyes widen in shock as he then lightly chuckles from the triangle's grand gesture. "I'm glad that you're always thinking of me. I'm happy to have you as my partner,Bill." Ford remarks as he smiled while the isosceles smiled back. "Of course. I love you Fordsy and i'll take any opportunity to show it. And me too. Now eat up,we have a big day ahead of us." Bill replied as the genius nods as he then let go of his beloved as he sat back in his chair to eat the glorious feast the triangle has prepared for him while his triangular husband watches him with an adoring eye.

Ford finishes his food after a while and Bill offers to do the dishes for him despite the fact that he could easily snap the plates back to normal,the genius wanted to do it but Bill insisted that he let him do something for him since he compromises so much for him so Ford let him. After that,the married couple have a blast at the Gravity Falls Science Museum and finish enjoying all of the exhibits before noon as Bill happily listened to Ford ramble about each one according to their topics. By the time noon comes around,Bill and Ford have lunch at a fancy restaurant elsewhere in Oregon where the triangle insists that he let the man choose every dish since the day is for him after all and he obliged as they have a wonderful meal while discussing the past stories they had together. They then go stargazing at the Portland Observatory and the couple have fun naming every constellation together while Ford teased Bill every time he got one wrong,they stayed there until they realized it was evening/late afternoon. Then Bill took him to the Salem Taxidermy Center to look at a bunch of extinct cryptid taxidermy specimens,where Ford happily studied and rambled about every exhibit. The two then went to the other nerdy places that Bill booked for them both,spending time together while not caring about how late at night it was. Then before they went home,the two had fun talking at a bar while getting absolutely inebriated although more so Ford than Bill as the man decided to use his de-atomizer gun to vaporize the members of a bar fight there in his drunken stupor. He would've killed literally everyone there if Bill hadn't intervened and by intervened i mean he reversed the vaporizing bar fight with his new ability to control time itself.

Bill then had to take a very drunk Ford back to their condo before the man killed anyone else with his de-atomizer gun,with him carrying the man bridal style while floating back home as the genius incoherently rambled about how much he loved the triangle. "I love you,Bill." Ford remarks as he absentmindedly poked the isosceles' bowtie a few times while still being carried. "Fordsy,this is the billionth time you've said that." Bill says in slight annoyance as he kept floating back to their condo. "I know,but it's true. You deserve to *hic* hear it more than once~." Ford teases as the triangle blushes in response. He then recalls how much fun he had with his beloved muse the whole day,smiling at the thought of his husband doing all of that for him despite the fact that a mere mortal like him is unworthy of such treatment (Ford ur secret insecurities are showing).

"Why did *hic* you do this for me?. The whole day i mean. Besides wanting to spend time with me without any work in the way " Ford asks,genuinely curious about his beloved's reasoning for planning such a fantastic day as the triangle arrives in front of the condo only to stop to respond to his genius. "Well,i wanted to make you happy. Since that.. problem regarding your broken mind upset you,and me,both of us really. I wanted to give us both a break from dealing with that." Bill explains as he then put the man down,putting him in a side hug in order to stop him from stumbling. "Oh.. But my muse,you already make me happy just by being here with me." Ford replied,a little saddened by the thought of his dearest feeling obligated to fix things because of that unstable mind of his but he appreciated his efforts regardless. "I know. But i wanted to plan a special day for my special man anyway~." Bill flirts as the man blushed in response.

"Ah. I'm so glad that you notice whenever i'm upset,and that you do everything in your power to make it better. You're a wonderful husband,Bill." Ford says as he smiled at the triangle,who smiled back at him. "I know. Now let's go home and talk a little bit about our fun day before going to bed. And maybe get a little frisky~." Bill teased as the genius blushed even deeper,although this time the redness of his face isn't coming from the alcohol and rather from the arousal he felt from the thought of getting to be pleasured by his muse again after a while of not being able to feel the triangle's hands on him due to his CEO work. "O-Okay. As you wish,my dearest husband." Ford remarks as the triangle then helped him walk back to their house but then Bill remembered that he had another surprise left for his genius so he stopped floating as he then snapped his fingers,the "William" constellation being drawn out in the night sky with his flames as the man looks up in awe. "Ta-da!. It's your favorite,the constellation that looks a lot like a certain charming triangle~. I decided to show it to you since you can't see it normally anymore with the clouds and all." Bill explains as the man then kissed him on the cheek as thanks as he then blushed gold. "Thank you,my dear muse. For all of the wonderful surprises you gave me today,including this one." Ford replied as he then smiled at Bill,who grinned back at him.

"You're welcome,Fordsy. I love you." Bill remarks as the man embraced him. "I love you too. We should go home now. I'm hungry for a steak dinner,and for you~." Ford teases as the triangle blushed even deeper than his genius was as he knew what the man meant by that,then they kept walking back to the condo as Bill summoned a steak dinner while not being able to wait to fuck Ford as he desperately fidgeted in his chair. The man chuckles as he saw how antsy his dear muse was,making sure to eat up fast so that he won't wait for long. He then finished up his steak as Bill snapped his fingers to reverse the plates back to their clean state,then he quickly teleported him and Ford to the bedroom while then removing the man's clothes with a snap of his fingers. The triangle eyed the man hungrily as Ford blushed and panted at the thought of being touched by his beloved again after a while of not experiencing his hands on his member due to work,with Bill chuckling as the genius already wet the bed when he hasn't touched him yet. Bill then put his finger on the man's lips to signal him to quiet down his whimpers,while looking at him slyly as he knew that they're going to he at this for a while.

[piinksdoll]

→ [808 | Spencer Reid/Emily Prentiss]

Pairing~ Spencer Reid x Fem!Bau!Reader, Emily Prentiss x Fem!Bau!Reader

Genre~ angst, fluff, kissing

Word Count~ 2.8k

Warnings~ heartbreak, wine thats rlly it

a/n~ k this is very angsty, sad spence, sad reader, cute emily tho so yeah! have fun lmk what yall think! also NOT PROOFREAD!!!!

Today is the day. October 17th. 808 days. 

Spencer and I have been together for 808 days. I've counted every day since the first time he said ‘I love you’. I remember that day like it was yesterday. It was after a particularly hard case, and I had gotten hurt. After coming back to Quantico he insisted on driving me home. He walked me to my door and stood in front of me. His hands were trembling, the rain soaked his hair and his clothes. He looked at me with pure adoration before the words left his lips. “I love you Y/n.” 

I have been up for 6 hours, pacing my apartment trying to prepare myself for what's to come. He's on his way here and I know why. It’s over.

I glance up at the clock, 7:58. He’ll be here any minute. Suddenly I'm snapped out of my thoughts with the knock on my door. I opened the door and there he stood.  “Come in.” I moved out the way to let him in. He enters my apartment, his eyes scanning the familiar surroundings as if he’s trying to memorise every detail. The warmth of my home feels so stark against the chill of the situation.

“Hey.” His voice barely above a whisper. “Hey.” I replied, my voice almost inaudible. “Do you want some coffee or-?” I start, desperate to break the silence, but he cuts me off. “No, I- ” He hesitates, glancing down at the floor before meeting my eyes. “I think we need to talk. I swallow hard, nodding slowly as the knot in my stomach tightens. “Yeah, I think we do.”

“Y/n, I don't know how to say this. I've been thinking about us, about everything.” He looked at me with those damn brown eyes. I could melt in them. “I think... I think we need to take a break. I need time to figure things out.” My brows furrowed in confusion. “Spencer. I don't know what to say to you.”

He nods slowly, tears pooling in his eyes. “I think it’s for the best. For both of us.” I shook my head, laughing bitterly at his words. “The best? For both of us? No Spencer, I think this is just for you.” His brow furrows, confusion mixed with hurt flashing across his face. “What do you mean?” I close my eyes trying to stop my tears from falling. “I mean, you’ve found something with JJ, haven’t you?” I cross my arms defensively, my heart racing. “You’re too scared to admit it, but you want her. You’re using ‘us’ as an excuse to justify leaving.”

“That’s not true!” he protests, his voice rising slightly. “I didn’t plan for any of this to happen. You know how much I care about you.” I shake my head at his words. 

“No Spencer, you don't because if you did, we wouldn't be here. Don't act like there's nothing going on between you too because there is. I've seen the stolen glances, the lingering touches. Do you think im stupid? I've seen the way you look at eachother so don't. Don't try to pretend you care about my feelings because you do not.” A sob escapes my lips. My hands are shaking and tears are streaming down my face as I continue “You don't get it do you? You are my whole world Spencer. I'd give my life for you and all I get is ‘I didn't plan for this to happen?’ You’re leaving me for one of, not only yours, but also my best friend. Like who does that to someone they love.” I shake my head, my tears blurring my vision, and for a moment, it feels like the world is collapsing around me. 

“I thought we had something special,” I say, my voice cracking. “Every day for 2 years, I believed we were building a future together. But now, here we are, and you’re throwing it all away.”

“Just go Spencer, I can't look at you without it ripping my heart out.” My voice trembles. He freezes for a moment, his hand still hovering over the doorknob, and I can see the hurt in his eyes “Y/N…” he starts, but I can’t bear to hear any more. “Please,” I choke out, forcing myself to meet his gaze one last time. “Just go.” His eyes search mine, a mixture of longing and despair etched across his face, and I want to scream at him to stay, to tell him I’ll forgive him, that we can work through this. But I can't do that to myself.  “I’m so sorry,” he whispers, his voice cracking as he leaves my apartment for the last time. 

My knees give in, I hit the floor unable to hold myself up. A gut wrenching scream leaves my lips, it feels as if the walls are closing in on me suffocating me with the weight of my heartbreak. I curl into myself, clutching my arms around my legs, the tears flowing freely now as sobs wrack my body. Each cry is a release, a desperate attempt to let go of the pain that clings to me like a second skin. It's over

—

Tonight is the first pasta and wine night at Rossi’s since Spencer left me for JJ. I smooth out my dress before heading out. Emily came to pick me up, “Hey, gorgeous! Ready to have some fun?” she asks, pulling me into a quick hug. I force a smile. “Yeah, let’s do this.” 

The drive to Rossi’s was quiet. I felt like Emily wanted to say something but chose not to pry. As we pulled into the driveway of Rossi’s gorgeous house, I saw Spencer’s car already parked. It made my stomach uneasy. I feel a pang in my chest, but I shake it off as we step inside.

“Y/N! Emily! You made it!” Penelope squeals, rushing over to pull me into a tight hug. Her excitement is contagious, and I can’t help but smile. “Of course! Wouldn’t miss Rossi’s cooking for the world,” I reply, attempting to sound cheerful. I felt Emily squeeze my hand, she gave me an encouraging smile as we walked further into the house. 

I catch glimpses of Spencer and JJ together as we walk past the kitchen into the living room. They’re sitting side by side on the couch, sharing quiet laughs and playful nudges. The way Spencer leans closer to her, the way JJ tucks her hair behind her ear, it all feels like a cruel reminder of what I’ve lost. I swallow hard, forcing myself to look away.

I walk back into the kitchen not wanting to witness them for another second taking a seat on the island with Emily standing next to me. “How are you doing bella?” Rossi asks concern etched on his face as he sets down a plate of freshly baked garlic bread.

I force a smile, trying to mask the hurt inside me. “I’m okay. Just… enjoying the night.” He gives me a knowing look, one that makes my heart sink a little. “You know I’m here for you, right? You don’t have to put on a brave face for me. And I know you’ll find someone, in fact they may be closer than you think.” I look at him confused. “Thanks, Rossi,” I reply, my voice soft. “I appreciate it.” I look back at Emily whose cheeks are now covered in a pink hue.

“What’s going on with you two?” I ask, raising an eyebrow playfully to mask my curiosity. She straightens up, her demeanour shifting. “Nothing! Just… a little wine, that’s all,” she stammers, glancing at the glass in her hand as if it holds all the answers. “Uh-huh, sure,” I tease.

After dinner we all begin to, wine is flowing a little more freely, and laughter filling the spaces between conversation. I catch JJ glancing at me more than once from across the living room, but I do my best to avoid her eyes, pretending to be focused on Emily’s story about some misadventure with Penelope. Eventually, JJ stands up “I’ll be right back,” she whispers to Spencer before making her way to the couch im seated on, and I feel the dread in my stomach grow as she walks towards me.

“Y/N?” JJ’s voice is gentle as she comes to stand by me. “Can we… talk for a second?” I hesitate, glancing at Emily, who gives me a subtle nod. I take a deep breath, then nod, standing up to follow JJ out of the living room and onto the back patio. The cool winds brushed me, I instinctively wrapped my arms around myself. 

“Y/N,” JJ begins softly, “I know I should’ve talked to you sooner. I just… I didn’t want to hurt you more than I already have.” I blink back the sting of tears in my eyes, She takes a breath, “I didn’t plan for any of this to happen. It just… did. And I’m sorry. I never wanted to cause you pain.” I nod slowly, taking a deep breath to steady myself. “I know, JJ,” I whisper, my voice softer than I expected. “But you did. You really hurt me.”

JJ’s face falls, and I can see the guilt in her eyes as she steps a little closer, her voice shaky. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. And you have every right to not forgive me or let me in your life. I care about you. You’re my family.”

I give her a small, sad smile. “That’s the thing, Jaje,” I say quietly. “You’re like my big sister. I’ve always looked up to you, trusted you. That’s why this hurts so much. I don’t know why you’d do this.”

She looks down, biting her lip as tears well up in her eyes. “I never wanted to hurt you,” she says again, her voice breaking. “It just… I don’t know how to explain it. Spencer and I, we just…”

I shake my head, cutting her off gently. “You don’t have to explain. I get it. These things happen, and I know you didn’t plan for it. But it still hurts, JJ.” Her shoulders sag, and I can see the weight of her guilt bearing down on her. “I know,” she whispers, tears spilling over. “And I wish I could take it back. I really do.” I reach out, placing my hands on her arms lightly, offering her an understanding look. “I can forgive you, JJ,” I tell her softly. “With time, I will. But right now… I just need space. I need time to heal.” JJ nods, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand. “I understand. And I’m so sorry, Y/N. I wish I could make it right.”

“I know you are,” I reply. “And I appreciate that you’re here, apologising. But it’s going to take time.” She sniffs, trying to compose herself. “If you ever want to talk, I’ll be here. I just want you to know that.”

I give her a small nod. “Thanks, JJ. You’ll always be my sister. No matter what. I love you.” JJ’s breath hitches at my words, her eyes widening in surprise. But as I pull her into a tight hug, I feel her tense body soften against mine, and she wraps her arms around me in return. “I love you too, Y/N,” she whispers, her voice thick with emotion. “I always will.” I give her a warm smile before returning to the group. 

—

It’s been a month since everything with Spencer and JJ. A long, painful month, but slowly, things have been getting easier. I’ve been spending more time with Emily lately. She’s been there for me, a constant source of support when I needed it most. What started as a few friendly drinks after work or late-night phone calls turned into something more, a connection I hadn’t realised was forming. 

Tonight, the team is out for drinks, one of those rare evenings where the case is over, and for once, we don’t have to rush off to the next one. The bar is lively, the music loud, and the energy infectious. Emily and I have been dancing for the past hour, laughing and letting loose. I haven’t felt this carefree in a long time. I step away from the dance floor for a second, and go to the table where Derek, Penelope, Aaron, Rossi, and Spencer were sat. Emily and JJ went to grab drinks. 

“So, you and Prentiss looked pretty cozy out there. Do I sense a relationship perhaps?” Derek teases me, nudging my shoulder with a playful grin, I roll my eyes, trying to play it off, but I can feel a blush creeping up my face. “Derek, it’s not like that,” I protest, though my voice betrays me. 

Penelope leans in, her eyes have a look of mischief. “Uh-huh, sure. You’ve been glued to each other all night. Just saying.” Even Hotch cracks a small smile, sipping his drink. “It’s been nice to see you so relaxed lately,” he says, with genuine warmth in his voice. I can’t help but smile back “I’m just enjoying the night, guys. And even if I like her, who says she likes me?” They all look at me in shock, “Y/n be serious for a second, she cant get enough of you. You guys are attached at the hip every second you’re together.” Penelope exclaimed, trying to convince me. “I- I don't know you guys…” I shake my head reluctantly, as Morgan is about to reply Emily and JJ come back with drinks for everyone. “What’re we talking about?” Emily asked as she slid into the booth next to me. “They’re being ridiculous as always and I kinda wanna leave…” I whispered the last part leaning into her shoulder. “Alright we can leave, ok you guys I think we’re done for the night. We're gonna head out!” I let out a breath of relief as we made our way out of the bar. 

Emily took my hand into hers shooting chills up my spine. I thought about Penelope and Derek’s words, could she really see me like that? Especially after seeing me and supporting my relationship with one of our mutual friends? As I was about to speak up Emily beat me to it. 

“You know, you're someone I look forward to seeing everyday Y/n.” The look in her eyes made my heart skip a beat. I felt a blush creep up my cheeks, I swallowed, nervousness and excitement swirling inside me. “Emily…” I look down to hide the grin forming on my face. 

“And I don't want to rush you. I know this isn't where you thought you'd be but Y/n I- I like you a lot. And I underst-” she continued, but before she could finish I reached up pressing my lips against hers. 

Emily froze for a split second before melting into the kiss, her hand coming up to gently cup my face. The world seemed to stop as we stood there, wrapped in each other, my heart pounding in a way I hadn’t felt in so long. It felt like all the tension and unspoken words from the past few months were pouring out between us in that single, tender moment.

When we finally broke apart, she kept her forehead pressed to mine, her voice barely a whisper. “I didn’t think I’d be this lucky tonight.” I let out a shaky laugh, feeling a surge of emotions that I’d tried to ignore for so long. “I didn’t think I’d ever feel this way again… but here you are.”

Emily smiled, her thumb brushing over my cheek as she pulled me close. “One step at a time, okay? We don’t have to figure it all out tonight.” I nodded, a wave of relief washing over me. “Yeah. I’d like that. One step at a time.”

(Spencer’s Pov)

I stepped out of the bar and caught sight of Y/N and Emily up ahead, walking together under the dim glow of the streetlights, her hand held in Emily’s. My heart clenched. Not being with her has been eating away at me, more than I wanted to admit. She was right about everything—how I took her for granted, how I’d let myself fall for JJ, that I lost sight of what really mattered.

Seeing her now, laughing softly with Emily, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d made the biggest mistake of my life. I’d tried to convince myself that walking away was for the best, that it would be easier on both of us, but watching her find happiness without me made it all feel final. She deserves someone who would make her feel seen, who wouldn’t let her slip through their fingers. And maybe Emily could be that person in a way I never could.

As they turned the corner, I hesitated, realising I didn’t have a reason to go after her anymore, and it ripped my heart out. 

“2 years, and 75 days…”

[chainofclovers]

(Writing this before the presidential election results are known. Not giving up hope because we just know don't what happen, but also sick with worry and anger and sadness. Hitting post November 5, 11:23 p.m. ET.)

I think the thing that is particularly upsetting to me right now is how lopsided it all is in terms of where there is nuance and where there's just a big fucking hammer. I have watched people in my life wrestle with this election, with how violent U.S. foreign policy is, with how to vote as responsibly as possible for the future of our democracy and its citizens while so much is wrong in the world. I've had interesting and fruitful conversations and I've been, honestly, so proud of people for showing up and voting up and down the ballot and rallying behind the most pragmatic future. That was what the Harris vote meant to me. As glad as I would be to see the U.S. elect our first woman president, and a woman of color at that, this vote was about pragmatism and survival, quite literally. And I spent all day today at a few different precinct polling places, volunteering in the "electioneering" zones, and talking to people for whom this vote was about wanting a woman of color in this role, and people who just want a change, and people who were casting their first vote today, and people who are jaded after voting in every election and seeing so much of this country and world stay so deeply shitty, and people who were very informed on the ins and outs of the ballot and people who were overwhelmed and needed some assistance, and people doing that pragmatic voting thing due to that dual ambivalence/pride factor that I feel sooo deeply and it was just like...yeah!!!!!! This is the cross-section of people who mostly despise violence and mostly love-hate their country and genuinely want to find a path forward and are willing to navigate that together. There were people literally dancing at the polls, not because this is such a fabulous place to live but because hope and participation are a really powerful medicine.

And then there are just droves and droves and droves of people for whom it feels like a simple thing to vote for a man who has raped and assaulted multiple people and is a remorseless, vindictive fraud who doesn't care whether the planet is inhabitable in the decades to come. Some because they actively love those qualities, and some because they've been intimidated into thinking it's the only Christian thing to do. And I'm so fucking sick of this just being the way of things in this cursed country founded on the suffering of indigenous people and built with slave labor.

If Harris wins it'll be a gasp of relief, three minutes of rest, and an immediate, exhausted return to working to make things better. And if Trump wins I guess we don't even get the three minutes, and it's all that much harder because of the terrifying fascism. So many of his supporters don't even realize their rights are at stake and it makes me feel genuinely insane.

I don't even know where I'm going with this, I'm just really tired of all the scrutiny and pressure and analysis being on the people in the first paragraph, all of whom are trying so fucking hard to do the right thing despite tragic and overwhelming circumstances. It isn't fair. And I really do realize that it isn't over yet. It's just incredibly sad that it's this close.

[jabberwockypie]

I lived, bitches.

[notmoreflippingelves]

[lunarharp]

into the deep end - 30k T orufrey fic, focusing on memory trauma, disability, and romance.

the sweet oblivion of the victim, the poisoned freedom of the other.

for one moment - it had felt like two parts returned - the needed reunion of two disparate halves. no more secrets, no more pain.

the moment you get to give back what you never wanted to take. that moment, under the night-blooming flowers, when they had both let out the same single broken sigh of relief.

but they were never whole to begin with, were they?

qifrey swore he wouldn't say 'sorry' to this man any more if he could help it - sorry is cheap now. he didn't want to be in a position ever again where you only have 'sorry' left. so he just looks down into the threads of his blanket, strains his eye until it hurts, feeling his insides - his throat, heart and head - burn with pain. he expects more, but olly says nothing.

olly says nothing.

[rimouskis]

can I be so open and vulnerable with you guys. the card I was given from people at my old office was sincerely so nice and really validating but also I feel like the main impression I left other people with was "she's really nice" WHICH IS GOOD, I DO WANT TO BE KNOWN AS NICE but also part of me is like... should I maybe strive for "innovative" or "creative" or "a go-getter" because being The Nice One just feels a little mealy-mouthed of me y'know?

[bunnihearted]

꒰୨୧꒱

[kjzx]

I've been playing slitherio these past few days, and after some time messing around with nicknames and my own experience with the stuff, I've realized anger is something very easy to weaponize. On my second attempt of having "trans rights" as a nickname I killed a huge ~5k point worm as a teenie tiny 200 point worm simply because it was so desperate to kill me specifically. Anger makes your life harder, but it also makes people really unwise. I fucking bet this is in "the art of war", even though I haven't read it.

[icewindandboringhorror]

........creachure

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

..

[talkorsomething]

want to cut my hair again like you wouldn't believe. What are the possible consequences of going bald

[sysig]

Just thinking about @10yrsy’s Things, y’know, casually (Patreon)

[ereborne]

Song of the Day: December 9

"Allies or Enemies" by the Crane Wives

[thethingything]

we have an especially bad migraine where I noticed us getting aura (mostly being pissed off and upset in a specific way) for several hours before it started and we've taken pain meds but I'm not sure they've actually helped. they have definitely given us side effects though and I feel very spaced out and nauseous and generally shit.

we've also had way worse ADHD symptoms for the last few days to the point of being pretty much unable to focus on anything besides like 2 things we've hyperfixated on. we've had so much trouble starting tasks and keep struggling to hold a train of thought or focus long enough to even figure out what we need to do each day despite having all our Habitica dailies to tell us.

our brain is all over the place and I'm not really sure what to do with it or what would help but it's just occurred to me that sometimes our ADHD gets really bad in the buildup to some of our worst migraines and now I'm just hoping that both the migraine and other shit ease off soon because I'd like to be able to function