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onaswife · 2 months ago

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Marked by you

Couple: Alpha!Patri guijarro x Omega!Fem!Reader

Au!Omegaverse, Alpha x Omega.

Words count: 3,7k

Warning: +18

Patri has never been one of those alphas who believes in destiny or the idea that there is an Omega waiting for her somewhere in the world. For Patri, football has always been the only constant in her life, the only thing that really matters. Love, bonding, brands… She sees all of that as a distant, almost unreal concept. It's not that she doesn't understand instinct, but she's never felt that pressing need to claim or be claimed.

At least, until Y/N arrives at Barcelona.

Signed alongside Ewa Pajor, both from Wolfsburg and best friends. Ewa knew everything about Y/N and vice versa. From the moment Patri sees and meets Y/N, something changes in her.

Y/N is not just any forward; she is fast, intelligent and with a presence on the court that makes it impossible not to look at her. But what really throws her off is not her talent, but the way her body reacts to her presence. Her scent envelops her in a way she has never experienced before, her alpha wolf roars inside her every time Y/N gets too close, every time she smiles at her in that playful way that leaves her head in a mess.

“Well, as you may have heard, we have signed two new players,” Pere said during a meeting before the start of preseason. “Both from the same team in Germany… Please welcome Ewa Pajor and Y/N Weisz, we still have one more signing to finish, but the staff and I are quite excited to welcome these great players.”

Y/N POV.

Ewa and I walked slowly into the meeting room where the players of the squad were. As I entered, I automatically grabbed Ewa’s hand, my nerves jumped when I saw how many people were sitting in front of us, I thought it would only be the players, but there were people from the staff, I assumed the physios, that room was full of people.

“Come on Pup, you can do it” she pulled my hand so I could follow her to one side of Pere. While Pere was talking to us and, I assumed, introducing us, I let my gaze wander around the room. I spotted a person in the audience, which made me feel calmer, until I felt someone push me lightly. “You should introduce yourself Y/N”

“Umm, of course. I’m Y/N Weisz, I’m English and ummh… I play forward, nice to meet you”

I heard Ewa laugh beside me, which made me look at her badly as I let go of her hand “stupid” I wherpered just so she could hear. She just laughed. “You can go take a seat, we are going to talk about what is coming up in the preseason”

There were some free seats next to Alexia, where Ewa and I went to sit. As I settled into the seat, I smelled something that made me frown, Ewa noticed it “what is it pup? Is there something wrong?” I looked at her and gave her a small smile “do you remember that a few years ago I told you that I might have found my partner?” She gave me a confused look while nodding slightly “Girls, can you please pay more attention”

“I’m sorry Pere”

I looked to the side before wherpering “I think she is here” I received a surprised look from Ewa, but neither of them said anything else.

A few chairs away, Patri and Pina sat together playing while waiting for Pere to start talking about what he had planned for the preseason. After the new girl came in, Patri had started to feel strange, which was noticeable by not paying much attention to what Pina was saying to her.

“Damn Patri, could you pay more attention to me? I've been talking for more than 5 minutes”

“Sorry Pina, I got distracted by something stupid”

While Patri responded, without having any idea what Pina had said, she couldn't take her eyes off Y/N, there was something about the girl that made it almost impossible for her not to look at her and keep an eye on her.

“Stop looking at her, you look like a stalker... you're scary”

“Shut up, I'm not looking at Y/N”

Pina let out a laugh when she saw how her friend gave herself away “I never said you were looking at Y/N” Patri sighed as she lowered her head in defeat.

Two months had passed since Y/N's arrival in Barcelona and since then Patri has not stopped feeling strange. Despite trying to ignore what her body tells her every time the forward is near, the reality is that every interaction with her makes her self-control become more fragile.

Y/N's scent has become intoxicating to her, impossible to ignore. Her alpha wolf growls every time the omega gets too close to her, every time he brushes her arm in training or smiles at her in that playful way that leaves her head in a mess.

Y/N, for her part, is already fully integrated into the team. She has made friends with several of her teammates and her relationship with Patri has evolved into a kind of constant game of provocations. Sometimes, Y/N gets too close, pretending to need help with a play, when in reality she just wants to see how Patri tenses up in front of her.

u closeness. Other times, she drops comments that make Patri choke on her water in the middle of the locker room, which causes laughter in the rest of the team.

The connection between them is obvious to everyone, except Patri, who continues to refuse to accept what is more than obvious to the rest of the team: Y/N is her omega.

The music boomed in the club, and Y/N enjoyed the company of her teammates. Patri stayed close, always watching, with that intense gaze that sometimes made her shudder. However, in a moment of distraction, an unknown alpha got too close to Y/N. her strong and dominant scent suddenly surrounded her, and before she could react, she felt how they tried to mark her with their scent.

Y/N’s instinct screamed danger. She shifted uncomfortably, trying to get away, but the alpha insisted with a sly smile.

“You have no mark,” he said arrogantly. “You could use someone like me.”

Before Y/N could respond, a deep growl cut through the air. Patri was there, her body standing between them. Her presence was an imposing shadow, her eyes shining with suppressed fury.

“She doesn’t need anything from you,” her voice was low, dangerous.

The alpha raised her hands in mockery, but Patri gave him no chance to continue. He approached Y/N, leaning towards her neck, and without hesitation, he slid her nose along her omega’s exposed skin, releasing her own scent in an unmistakable way. Patri’s fragrance enveloped Y/N, replacing any trace of the intruding alpha.

Y/N felt her body relax, her instincts finally calming at being protected. Her alpha had marked her, at least with her scent.

The other alpha clicked his tongue and walked away in annoyance. Patri, without turning away, looked at Y/Nintensely.

“Are you okay?”

Y/N nodded, but her heart was pounding. “Thank you…”

Patri just looked at her for a moment before muttering, “I’m not going to let anyone touch you.”

And in that instant, Y/N knew that maybe, just maybe, Patri was finally starting to accept the inevitable.

After that occasion, things had undeniably changed. Y/N trusted Patri more, they went out more often and used to meet up at someone’s apartment to watch movies or a series they had recently started watching together.

Although one of them was collapsing emotionally.

Patri was afraid, she was afraid of love and destiny. Y/Nwas her fear made person.

Four months had passed since Y/N had arrived in Barcelona and Patri had already accepted the inevitable. Her alpha wanted that Omega, she wanted to claim her. Although Patri needed advice or to talk to a more experienced alpha.

“I need your help…”

Patri quickly entered the café where she had met Ingrid and Frido.

“Ther sounds serious,” Ingrid commented, leaning on the table in curiosity. “What’s wrong?”

Patri sighed, running a hand through her hair. “It’s Y/N. I don’t know what to do with her. My alpha wants her, but I don’t know how to take the next step.”

Frido smiled in amusement. “Why don’t you just mark her and be done with it? Easy.”

“Frido…” Ingrid rolled her eyes. “Not all alphas are as direct as you.”

Patri snorted. “Exactly. I don’t want to scare her or do something that will make her back off.”

Ingrid gave her a sympathetic look. “If she’s your Omega, she’ll know. You just need to show her that you’re there, that you’re not going to keep her waiting.”

But Patri still had doubts…

Patri had managed to sneak out of the locker room before Y/N showed up. She didn’t want to see her yet, not after Ingrid and Frido had made her face her own feelings. So she had opted to seek refuge in the gym, only to be found minutes later by Alexia and Aitana looking grumpy.

“What’s wrong with you?” Aitana asked, leaning against one of the machines with her arms crossed.

“It must be because she’s realized she’s completely in love with Y/Nand doesn’t know what to do about it,” Alexia replied with a sly smile.

Patri groaned. “Can you two not jump to your stupid conclusions for five minutes?”

Aitana raised her hands in peace. “Okay, okay. But if you wanted to talk to us, it’s for a reason.”

Patri sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “I don’t know what to do,” she admitted in a lower voice than usual.

Alexia and Aitana exchanged a look.

“About what?” Aitana asked, though they both already knew the answer.

Patri pressed her lips together, as if she was having trouble forming the words. “About Y/N. My alpha… wants to mark her. But I don’t want to screw up.”

Alexia burst out laughing. “Jeez, Patri! You say that like you’re going to bite her neck all of a sudden in the middle of a game.”

Aitana joined in. “Though it would be fun to see that.”

Patri rolled her eyes, but couldn’t help but smile a little.

Alexia sighed and patted her on the back. “Look, if you really want her—and from the way you look at her, it’s pretty clear that you do—all you have to do is show her.”

“But if you really want her, you’ll have to do it.”

“Without being a brute,” Aitana added.

“Yes, without being a brute,” Alexia repeated with a smile. “Just be yourself, but don’t hold back so much. Y/Nis waiting for something from you, Patri. Don’t make her wait forever.”

Patri was silent for a moment, letting her words sink in. Then she nodded slowly.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Aitana repeated with an arched eyebrow.

Patri smiled, more confident ther time. “Okay.”

The night when everything changes is nothing extraordinary. There is no special occasion, no event that marks the moment, but the tension between them has been a constant in recent months, growing like a fire that neither of them has wanted to put out.

Patricio and Y/N are at Patri’s apartment, like so many other times. Dinner has been quiet, full of glances that say more than their mouths dare to admit. Y/N sits on the couch, legs folded under her, wearing a Patri t-shirt that's too big for her. The scent of her Alpha permeates the fabric, enveloping her like a constant reminder of who she belongs to, even if she doesn't officially belong there yet.

Patri sits beside her, elbows on knees, eyes fixed on the TV screen, but she's not watching anything. She knows. Y/N knows. It's now or never.

"Patri." Y/N’s voice is soft, but firm.

The Alpha turns her face toward her, her dark eyes reflecting something contained, something she's tried to suppress for too long.

"Yes?"

Y/N licks her lips, her heart pounding. She doesn't want to beg, but she doesn't want to keep waiting either. "How much longer are you going to make me wait?"

Silence settles between them, heavy, burdened. Patricio doesn't answer right away. A few minutes pass, with Y/N waiting expectantly for an answer that never comes.

Taking that as a negative, Y/N decides to leave Patri's apartment, with a big wound in her heart.

“I think I screwed up”

“No shit Sherlock”

Patri looked down when she heard the tone of voice Ewa used with her.

“I panicked, understand me”

Alexia let out a sigh as she thought about how to help her friend.

“I know you're young and you tend to panic on certain occasions Patri, but your actions speak for you this time, and she ended up hurt”

“I know Ale, but what could I say to her?”

The conversation ended there, with a rather affected Patria, thinking about how to talk about that subject with Y/N again and be able to explain her reaction.

Before leaving the locker room, Alexia spoke again “Y/N won't come today, apparently she woke up a little sick and asked Pere for the day off” and with that, she left.

Now Patri had only one mission, go and see her omega and let her know that she wouldn't make her wait for her any longer. She went to talk to Pere, convincing her to let her go because she felt a little sick to her stomach and that she wouldn't be able to train. Pere also gave Patri the day off, believing her poorly crafted lie.

With permission granted, Patri went to her car and then headed to the supermarket that was near Y/N's apartment. She bought candy, chocolates, food and medicine for everything, in case she had a cold, in case she had a migraine, in case she had an upset stomach. Patri was prepared for everything.

Or well, almost everything.

She never imagined that the health problem that had prevented Y/Nfrom going to train that day would be her heat.

When Y/N opened the apartment door, thinking it was Ewa who would bring her food for the day, she was surprised to see Patri standing in front of her.

“Patri? What are you doing here, you should be training with the others…”

Patri was standing there without making any movement yet. The aroma Y/N was giving off was driving her crazy, she wasn't thinking very clearly anymore.

“Ewa sent you? Something bad happened to her?”

“Y/N..”

Y/N placed a hand on her shoulder, which made Patri's body react automatically. Y/N realized ther when she looked down to see what she had bought. Patri was having an erection right now in front of her. Y/N's Omega instincts were playing against her at that moment, the only thing she could think about was servicing her alpha's erection, being able to feel it and make her come.

“I... thanks for coming to see me Patri, but it's not the right time” Y/N was sweating, feeling her body beginning to go through another heat wave and her crotch getting wetter and wetter.

“Yes, sorry I...” Patri gripped the bags that were still hanging from her hands tighter. Her breathing was getting deeper and deeper, her face was now more rosy.

Y/N saw that doubt crossed Patri's face and she decided to take the initiative “You can leave the things in the kitchen… I'll go to my room” she moved to the side, leaving enough space for Patri to enter.

It was clearly a lie, as soon as Patri began to put things away, Y/N stood behind her and hugged her. She let her hands rest on Patri's abdomen, leaving light caresses, feeling the warm skin against the tip of her fingers, which made her moan.

Patri let her instincts carry her. She quickly turned around and captured Y/N's lips in hers. Y/N moaned in the middle of the kiss, urging Patri to continue. She grabbed her thighs and lifted her onto the counter.

“Please, Patri…”

Patri growled into Y/N's neck, close to where her mating mark should be.

Patri smiled mischievously, feeling her heartbeat intensely. Y/N's burning gaze turned her on even more, and the atmosphere was charged with an electric tension that enveloped them.

“Yes, that's exactly what I want,” Y/N answered in a small voice, her breathing ragged. Patri's eyes sparkled as she heard her Omega's plea. She knew that the moment was what they both wanted, a crossing of desires and instincts that they could no longer ignore.

Patri leaned forward, her lips barely brushing Y/N’s soft, warm skin, causing her to close her eyes in pure delight. “You have to tell me,” she whispered, her hot breath caressing Y/N’s neck, making Y/N shiver. She wanted to hear it, she wanted to know how far she was willing to go.

“I want to feel your mark, my alpha, please…” Y/N’s voice was almost a wail, an irresistible invitation. Patri’s hands began to roam Y/N’s body, exploring every curve, every angle. She lifted her shirt, exposing her abdomen, and slowly lowered her lips, leaving a trail of kisses that made Y/N’s skin burn.

“You’re so beautiful,” Patri murmured, leaving a kiss on the underside of her breast. The sound of Patri��s voice made Y/N’s body react immediately; her lips parted and a moan escaped her mouth again. She could feel Patri’s need, the palpable desire flowing between them.

With a speed that took her by surprise, Patri lifted herself up a little, positioning herself between Y/N’s legs, who could wait no longer. Her face burned with desire as Patri looked into her eyes, seeking consent in every moment, every touch.

“Are you ready?” Patri asked, her lips just inches from Y/N’s, as if they were dancing in a current of sexual energy.

“Yes, fuck…” Y/Nanswered, eager, her voice full of longing.

Patri smiled, feeling that little phrase light a flame inside her. “Then I won’t stop,” she said in a husky voice, full of promise.

She took the head of her member in her hands, moving closer to Y/N’s entrance, feeling how wet and ready she was for her. With a firm but tender movement she pushed it in, Patri kissed her again, their time with a fierce passion that made both bodies move in perfect rhythm.

Patri began to rock her hips faster and more urgently, while Y/N couldn't stop moaning and asking for her alpha. The counter shook under the weight of their bodies, but nothing mattered. There was only them, unleashing a storm of sensations. Y/N's nails dug into Patri's back, inviting more.

“Yes Patri, right there… God”

Y/N's head fell forward, resting on Patri's shoulder, while she took one of Y/N's legs and lifted it up on the counter to get deeper. “Is that what you want? For me to fill you up and have my puppies?”

“Yes… I want you to call me Patri… Fill me with your cum”

“You feel so good… Y/N, my friend” Patri ran her tongue over the spot of the mark, preparing it to place her mark.

When Patri felt Y/N’s walls begin to close around her cock, she began to make deeper movements. She was turned on by the idea of being able to fill her omega’s pussy, seeing how Y/N then dripped with her cum.

“Take it all Cari… I want to see how good you will look filled with me”

The only sound that could be heard in that kitchen was that of both of their hips colliding, besides the wet sound they made.

“Patri, I'm going to do it... keep going like that, please.”

Y/N bit her lip to avoid making more noise, but Patri stopped her movements a little when she saw that. “No, Patri... why are you stopping?” Patri brought her hand to Y/N's face and her fingers caressed her lips. “I want to hear you, Y/N…”

After that exchange of words, Patri went back to her swing, waiting for her omega to climax.

As soon as she felt the spasms run through Y/N's body, Patri bit Y/N's neck, finally being able to mark her as hers.

Within minutes, they were both in Y/N's room, where she was riding Patri. Y/N was leaning forward slightly, holding onto Patri's abdomen, leaving scratches, but Patri couldn't care less if that meant seeing her omega jump on her cock and have her tits bouncing in her face.

For the next two days, neither of them left that apartment, although well, Patri was forced to stay lying next to her omega (recently claimed) since she didn't want to feel her alpha away from her. When Y/N's heat ended, they both had to go back to training, normally.

As soon as they arrived at the sports city, it was more than obvious to everyone what had happened, and well, if it wasn't obvious, Y/N proudly showed off the recently acquired mark. Behind her, Patri walked in, a small smile on her lips at something Y/N had said on the way to the locker room.

When Y/N walked out onto the field to warm up with Ewa and Keira, Alexia was the first to make a mocking comment to Patri.

"Welcome to the claimed Alphas club, Patri," Alexia says with amusement. "You've got a great life ahead of you." Everyone present burst out laughing at what Alexia said and at the sight of Patri blushing.

"Honestly, I thought it would take you another year," Frido adds with a smile.

I did my best with this. revised I hope you like it

#woso x reader #patri guijarro x reader #patri guijarro #woso omegaverse

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16wolke11 · 1 month ago

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PENGUINS-Ollie Bearman

A/N I hope you like this pretty random shot of Ollie

WORDS: 1519

SYNOPSIS: When Ollie is drunk he likes to ramble. Todays topic: Penguins

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It's a late Sunday evening after a long race weekend. The drivers have either already left for the airport to get as much time at home as possible, are finally resting, or are at this party. Even though all of them are pretty tired after the adrenaline of the race has calmed down, some of them are still going strong. Some linger on the dance floor, others just sit around, talking with each other, most of them with a drink in their hand, not caring about keeping up their picture-perfect behaviour for the media.

Since I am working with Prema in the supporting junior categories, I do know a fair amount of the drivers, helped them achieve their dreams, or just was with them one step in their journey. Because of that, I end up at those parties pretty often. They know they can be themselves around me, and I am glad they feel so relaxed with me being there, even though I am not in their driver bubble.

"Hey." A tall figure comes closer to me, and I don't even need to see him properly to know who it is.

"Hi Ollie." I smile at him, having to look upwards because he is towering over me. He is swaying lightly on his feet, and I am pretty sure he is drunk by now, eyes glossy and struggling to focus on my face.

"You're different." Ollie just blurts out before taking a sip from his drink. I raise my eyebrow, kind of used to his strange behaviour, but this kind of approach is new.

"Am I?" I ask him and tilt my head slightly to the side, having no clue in what direction this conversation is going to turn, while Ollie just nods.

"Yes, you don't just talk about normal stuff, but also about the weird things people say." He blabbers, and I need to suppress the grin coming onto my lips, already knowing this will be one of the weird kinds of conversations.

"Well, I try to be a good listener." I shrug my shoulders while being honest. Thinking that it is important to listen to people, even though their topic might not be my favourite. For example, encouraging a child to speak about their favourite dinosaur or a drunk Ollie and Kimi trying to explain to me the concept of something they came up with.

"And even though you said some strange things before, I kind of like it." I add, telling him the truth. Sometimes a good chat while being more or slightly less drunk is all you need.

"Strange, huh?" Ollie huffs, crinkles his forehead, like he has to think about it, before a goofy smile comes onto his lips.

"I guess I say some weird stuff sometimes." He admits before one of these stories comes to his mind and his eyes light up.

"Like, do you remember the time I told you about how I would be a great superhero? I could like... bam, save the world with a slice of pizza or something." Ollie fulfils a mimicked throw of a pizza slice, spilling some of his drink over his hands, but he doesn't even notice.

"I think your idea was to throw it like a boomerang. But sure, a superhero with pizza powers would certainly be interesting." I nod along, remembering this conversation pretty well. How he imagined the different flavours having different benefits for his attacks.

"Pizza powers were a good one." Ollie sighs, smiling proudly at the memory, only being quiet for a short moment before speaking up again.

"But you know what? I've been thinking," Ollie pauses, now sounding pretty serious. "I think I am onto something."

"Something deeper." He adds, and I bite down on the inside of my cheek to suppress the laugh. If it is at the same level as pizza-powers, I am curious about what he has come up with this time.

"What's in your head now?" I ask him, knowing I encourage him even more, but that is probably a big part of our friendship.

"Have you ever... have you ever thought about penguins? Like really thought about them?" Ollie asks, and I just blink at him while he continues.

"Not just pictures, but the wild ones." He adds, leaning forward a bit, while he gestures with his free hand. Then he wraps his arm around my shoulders, clumsily pulls me closer, before ending his speech.

"I think we should think more about penguins. A LOT more."

"Penguins?" I ask him, struggling a bit to keep standing straight because he is leaning his weight onto me, and I am not exactly tall enough to support his body. "Uh, okay... what do you mean exactly?" I ask him, eyeing our surroundings for an empty couch or something where I can let him sit down safely.

"They are this tiny tuxedo-wearing," Ollie starts, missing one word while his hands are gesturing around. "Creatures," he finally adds.

"They waddle around cute and stuff, but they are also like SUPER deep, you know?" Ollie asks me but doesn't give me a chance to say something before continuing his penguin speech.

"They mate for life and wander through ice and snow to find their... what's the word again? Their soulmate or whatever." He stares at me for a moment, before dropping his voice like he is telling me a secret.

"Like, that's what we humans should be doing."

I stare at him for a moment, trying to process all the things he just told me. "Wait, so you think we should be more like penguins? That's your idea?" I ask him with raised eyebrows, still struggling under his weight, but suddenly he is standing up straight again.

"You get it!" Ollie exclaims, clapping his hands once, a wide smile on his lips.

"We don't appreciate them enough, and we should talk about them more."

"They bring a gift to their partner, a little stone." Ollie pauses, trying to create a dramatic build-up, but it is rather hilarious seeing him sway on his feet while holding this passionate speech about penguins.

"I don't even know if someone would like getting a stone, but they do it. Searching for the perfect one in the frozen world, deciding which one is the perfect and... okay, maybe not the dramatic search, but still." Ollie's words are slurred, but I do my best to follow his explanations, finally breaking into a smile.

"So, you want us all to give stones to each other? Like romantic stone gifting?" I laugh softly, not about his idea, because it is really cute, but just about the fact that he knows all this stuff in a drunk state.

"Yes!" Now Ollie beams, probably picturing the scene in his head right now.

"It's not about the stone, the gift, but the effort. The thought and the commitment." Ollie explains, and my heart warms up. It is comforting to think about true love between two creatures being sealed by something as simple as a stone.

"Penguins don't worry about the best stuff," Ollie continues. "They're just giving their hearts away in the form of a stone. I can't even walk to the kitchen without tripping, and penguins?" He has to stop because he has to hiccup. "They are penguin-ing through life and being awesome." Ollie nods to underline his own words, and by now the smile is plastered on my lips.

"Okay, I think we've established that penguins might be romantic creatures, but maybe we need to tone down the penguin obsession for now. And I think you've had enough to drink, don't you think?" I tell him, trying to reach for his drink, but Ollie just holds it higher, so that I can't reach it.

"You don't get it." Ollie pouts, attempting to cross his arms, but then realizing he can't do it without lowering his arms again.

"Don't you ever just want to be a penguin?" He asks me with a dreamy look in his eyes.

"Forget about the stress, no bills, no deadlines. Just waddling, sliding on your belly, and gifting your favourite penguin a stone." Ollie sighs, looking into the distance, and my heart aches softly. His whole speech about penguins probably has a deeper meaning with him wanting a partner for life or something like that, but at the same time, it is pretty hilarious.

"I just want to be a penguin, a free-waddling penguin." He pouts again, and I stare at him with a grin.

"I think you had too much to drink." I state again because if I am certain of something, then that Ollie shouldn't finish this drink and especially not get another one after it.

"Maybe." Ollie admits, lowering his arm, but still caught in his little penguin daydream.

"But we need to talk more about the penguins, we're not done here." He grins, eyes sparkling with passion.

"We are just getting started."

And I am sure the rest of my night will contain a lot of facts about penguins, a drunk Ollie, and memories that will brighten up any dark moment.

#f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #f1 fic #f1 x reader #f1 fluff #f1 one shot #one-shot #ollie bearman #ollie bearman x reader #ollie bearman fluff #ollie bearman fic #ollie bearman fanfic #fluff

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ajastu · 26 days ago

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thinkin about...how much i appreciate the way that talking about death and grief was handled in veilguard. I've been thinking about this topic a lot for the last several years bcs of...many reasons. So it was nice to see.

I guess maybe the best way i could put it into words is...Veilguard did not present grief/loss as purely a tragedy, but also as a part of life? the worst happens, and it might feel world-ending, but you will still need to get up the next morning and eat breakfast, you know? the unrelenting flow of time can be both a comfort and a pain, but no matter what it is in the moment, the fact remains that life Does Not Stop. And we have to deal with that somehow.

i guess one important distinction here. There is a difference between personal loss and like. A massive tragedy. I'm mainly talking about personal loss here, because the two are kind of different topics (that the game addressed differently, also, but this isnt about that right now)

Before i talk about the like, companion questlines, a very brief aside to the environmental design. Admittedly, i havent rly gone looking around the maps for the making of this post specifically, so it won't be too involved, but like. Arlathan, man. Loss and tragedy is etched over every part of it. the ruins, yes, but also...the tree people. At first glance, it is a sunny, beautiful location. And it is! It is also full of little stories of loss and desperation and everyday lives cut unexpectedly short. And you see it the moment you stop and look at it. It is easy to run through without paying much mind to it, but once you notice it you can't really unsee it. And it is still so beautiful and sunny. It's something i liked about the first Dishonored game, too, the juxtaposition of the environment with the tragedy. The sky is blue and the sun is shining when Corvo escapes Coldridge. etc.

Grief will find you again on a nice summer's day. You know?

You can't untangle it from the joys of life. And that isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's just...neutral. That's just how it works.

One of the ways people deal with grief is through rituals to remember the dead. Funerals, tending of graves, etc etc. I think Emmrich's quests touch on that in a very nice way.

What i appreciate about that is, like...some people tend to have a fear and aversion to topics related to death. But these quests present it all in such a mundane manner. And you get the option to treat it as such, too. Of course, there is the option to freak out, also, but i'll admit i never checked that one out.

I think part of processing grief is accepting it. And it might mean many different things to many different people, but for me personally those funerary rituals, both big and small, become a first step. And it won't stop being painful, but life does not stop either. You have to choose to live it, eventually. But when you're afraid of taking that first step, well. The grief might just eat you alive.

Every creature's existence brings along with it the death of something else, whether intentional or not. Death is as much a part of life as breathing is, and so getting somewhat comfortable with the concept will help soften the blow whenever it comes. Because it will come.

Funny thing happened while i was playing the game for the first time. I got spoiled about Manfred dying, and when i found that out, i was like. OH NOOO not Manfred....im definitely 100% reviving him.

And then i actually got there, and...the game prepares you so beautifully for acceptance of personal loss. Of course, there is the bias of Ive Been Thinking About This Exact Thing For Years, but still. It felt more...right? to let Manfred go. It still took me a while to decide what to choose, but the fact remains that i had to really sit there and think about it, even though i thought i have already made up my mind.

And just...the whole Cyrian funeral bit. Oh my god. That was so beautifully done. Bellara's story in general was something i really appreciated, but that part was especially hard-hitting for me. Yes i cried. Life goes on.

I feel like it touches some more on the importance of processing the grief, so that you can remember those you lost with fondness and joy instead of just pain. Again, you can't untangle the two, but you can find balance, eventually. Facing that loss instead of running from it...it helps.

And this bit the game itself said in a way i do not think i need to paraphrase:

Death, loss, grief...all of that is difficult. It is also a part of life. And the thing is, life goes on!! I'm not saying that in a "get over it" way. I am saying that in a. ''Holy shit why are things happening'' way. I'm going through this paralyzing grief and life just keeps on happening. And you have to adapt to it, you know? You stop thinking about it constantly, in time. You find joy with the living. But grief will still find you on a nice sunny day...

I don't know. I'm probably not saying everything i wanted to, but it's kind of hard to keep my thoughts in order (plus, this post was a spontaneous decision n im too lazy to go thru the whole game for more examples).

But i guess the main thing i wanted to say is. I appreciate that the game gives you space to sit with it. To think about it. To come to terms with it, even, maybe. DATV did a wonderful job with handling this topic.

It is also tied into the main plot in ways that other people have talked about already. But yeah. The only thing i missed was the lack of a "let the bugs eat me" dialogue option when Emmrich asks Rook what they'd like to be done with their body after they die, but i guess we cant have it all dlkgjdfg

I'm just gonna conclude this with my all-time favorite screenshot from Disco Elysium

#valtalks #dragon age #dragon age veilguard #datv #datv positive #veilguard positive #datv spoilers #veilguard spoilers #throwback to me texting my friend like 'emmrich's graveyard quests are tailored to me specifically'#im so sososo glad you get the option to treat it as mundane #so often it is seen as something creepy or morbid to talk about death and the rituals surrounding it #but you cannot separate it from life!!!!#god. okay im normal again #oh and. uh #disco elysium spoilers #i guess DFL:GKDFKG #that screenshot IS from the endgame

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itsaspectrumcomic · 6 months ago

Note

hey! before I begin, I wanted to say how much I love your comics!! the style and palettes are really soothing, and it's always nice to read them, relate heavily, and not feel quite such an oddball!! so thanks :]

I (very recently) received the results of my diagnosis for autism and adhd (I got both, and a couple other smaller things) and was wondering what things you did differently immediately after diagnosis that helped you? I've tried things like proper organisation and cleaning, keeping on top of deadlines for college as much as I am able, and trying to study as much as I can (a levels are very stressful even though I've only just started the course, and while these solutions are what's considered "good" by the college, its not really helping me as much as I would like)

a large part of the diagnosis was dedicated to brain function (I had the privelidge of being assessed privately, so the evidence was very detailed and thorough), and I scored stupidly high on vocabulary and language study. However, I feel like there's somewhat of a disconnect between the effort I've put in on my foreign language studies and the progress I'm seeing- I'm trying so so hard to understand grammatical concepts and absorb a lot of vocabulary in preparation for some smaller tests in the near future, but I'm not seeing the reward during lessons or even with preparation. I am fully aware that with all the work and effort I'm spending, I am closer than I would like to be to a meltdown and probably burnout, which I desperately want to avoid. It just feels that although my brain is wired for linguistic study, I feel like I'm falling behind or failing

I guess if you have any advice or anything that helped you once your diagnosis was confirmed, or tips for study, I would be greatly appreciative :]

Tldr: struggling with study and fearful of failure, any advice?

hnng I remember the stress of A levels, you couldn't pay me to go through that again 🫠

After being diagnosed I started to allow myself to unmask and stim in more obvious ways. Previously my stims had generally been pretty small, like flicking my fingers or wiggling a bit, but now I allow myself to flap and rock and play with fidget toys as well and it genuinely does help release tension.

It sounds like your're working really hard - if you feel close to burnout and/or meltdowns, you might be working too hard. I also found it really hard to take breaks when I was studying (...still do) but the truth is, by not allowing your mind to rest, you're actually making it harder for yourself to learn and retain information.

So my advice is, take a break! A real break, not 'I'm gonna scroll on my phone for a bit' or 'I went to the toilet that counts as a break right'. Get up, step away from your work for at least an hour, and do something you find relaxing and fun. Go for a walk or just sit outside. Make yourself a drink. Take a nap if you need to. Try to avoid looking at screens during your break if you can. And when you go back to studying, schedule times to have regular short breaks as well (eg a 10 minute break every hour). I set alarms for mine because otherwise I forget to move for five hours.

A break allows your brain to process the information and let it settle properly. When you go back to work you'll hopefully feel more refreshed and able to take in information again. Remember, if you've just started the course, then this is a marathon, not a sprint, so please try not to overdo it and burn yourself out right at the start. Conserve your energy for the long haul.

If you're still struggling, are you able to ask for help, maybe from a friend or a teacher? A teacher could give you some techniques on how to improve in the specific areas you find difficult, and sometimes just talking through the bit you're having trouble with or not understanding can help a lot.

Good luck with your studies and I hope you take some time to rest as well :)

#ask #anon ask #actually autistic #studying #advice #neurodivergent

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derelictlovefool · 8 months ago

Text

❝🇪🇲🇪🇷🇬🇪🇳🇨🇪-⦂❝

— 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐯𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐝.

Notes: Don't forget part one and part two! Reader and Wade suck at communicating some more, Peter's a good pal and you should remember to never walk past dark alleyways at night kids, especially when your recent ex is a merc!

Warning/s: Canon Typical violence, kidnapping, graphic depictions of violence, unhealthy relationships, toxic behaviour, angst, references to alcohol consumption & sexually explicit activities, explicit language

Words: 3k

The act of finishing a favourite hot beverage had never been so difficult, so tense and unendurable. You and Wade had sat in stuffy silence, neither giving in and or walking away; the only two ways to push the painful interaction forward. You had so much you wanted to say but no words would come out, your leg bounced under the table and you'd locked your arms over each other. You were trying with all your might to block him out, physically and mentally, but it would never work with him right across from you. You inhaled deeply and exhaled just as roughly, Wade's own movements Mimicking yours as he adjusted uncomfortably in his chair.

"Look at us," he finally muttered, "This is sadder than the shitty apartment in that game they made about me." He sighed and you felt like tossing your empty mug at his head for the reference you couldn't conjure in your mind, no one in this universe was making games in honour of Deadpool—or Wade Wilson. No one was making anything his face or name anywhere near it. He was right that it was fucking sad though, you wouldn't argue with that.

"Whose fault is that?" You couldn’t help but be snippy, indignation heavy in your tone, your back restlessly hitting the back of the booth that started to feel more suffocating as the seconds ticked by. You wanted to be anywhere else, you wanted to turn back time and be sitting in this booth with Wade making jokes about the cafe decor and not remarking on your crumbling relationship.

"I blame Daniel Way and Damon Wilson-Hart personally—"

You shot him a pointed look and he cut himself off, the mirage of humour and escaping this reality joining the hot cocoa in his stomach acid as he all but deflated before you.

"How many times do I gotta say sorry?" His shoulders slumped and he held his hands up in question, he'd never sounded so lost. And there were plenty of times when he had been, maybe in even more dire and important ways than this. One's where you weren't involved.

"I don't know Wade, I've never had that big of a shitshow breakup before and I can't just snap my fingers and get over it." You snapped your fingers to emphasise your point, "I wish I could just forgive you and have nothing but happy, bubbly feelings for you again but that's not how the real world works." You unfold your arms, spreading them out across the table and you seem him almost reach out to grab one of your hands when you do; you weren't sure if you would have recoiled, or if you would have grabbed him back tight enough to leave a bruise—so you're relieved when he doesn't.

It would just make it harder.

"What do we do now then? I'm no good at grovelling, I'm much better at shovelling and shooting, neither of those apply here—or do they?"

"If I were to start somewhere Wade I'd figure out how you're gonna tell me what happened, with all the gritty details, " you ignored his latter question, "and maybe while you're at it some therapy would do you some good." You hated how harsh you sounded but you needed to say it, it's not like you were asking too much—Well the therapy might have been a step too far for Wade but you stood by it. No matter how much you praised the work your therapist had done while helping you Wade never got more than a hundred feet within a practice or office.

It was like he was allergic to the mere concept of therapy and getting help.

"And what about you?"

"I have an appointment with my therapist and i'm gonna bitch and moan about you, wait for them to fix me and tell me what to do so I can argue with them for ten minutes… And end up doing the opposite." You rolled your eyes, expecting a scoff or some kind of dig, that seemed to be what you were both good at right now. But what you got was almost worse.

"So there's still hope… For us?" His words left a heavy feeling hanging over you and you suddenly found your fingernails very interesting. Caught off guard and forced to deal with yourself rather than him had you shfiting in your seat. You wanted to say yes, of course, there was never no hope for you. No matter how many scenarios you played in your head none of them had you walking away from the merc, it just wasn't something you were capable of. Your therapist would be extremely disappointed but despite all you'd told them no one really understood you and Wade, and no one ever really would.

Even when it felt like you were worlds apart it was you two against everybody else.

You envisioned the both of you back to back, tied by that silly red string pulled tight enough to draw blood, your skin on Wade's and the both of you unable to move lest the cord pull tighter and choose to free you both of your heads and hearts. The more you thought about it the more you got to realise how much you'd let yourself need Wade and how your therapist had some credibility when they tossed the co-dependency thing around. You wished you’d never heard the word and kept living in blissful ignorance but it was too late for that, you and Wade were all kinds of messed up and this whole situation was proving a myriad of things you didn’t want to think about.

"I hope so." You whispered, the sentiment genuine as it tumbles from your lips. You wanted to stop being angry. you wanted to stop your chest from aching anytime you glanced at him and got flooded by the memories of the last two years—and that fucking breakup. God you wanted to forget about it and tuck it away into the memories that gave you hives box and never think about it again. Depending on someone wasn't a crime and you knew Wade felt the same, even if it was for different reasons. That day had apparently sucked for both of you but you dared to say you got the shorter end of the stick.

Your phone buzzed, Wade stared you down from across the table.

You picked it up and despite the notification being nothing more than a reminder for your appointment the next day you stood and stuffed it away in your pocket. You couldn’t deal with this right now, the angry arguments you could handle but the raw, open vulnerability was too much—at least for a cafe. Maybe if you were back in your apartment you’d feel more inclined to sit in it and talk. Actually talk. But you weren’t at your apartment.

"I gotta go, I'll… See you around Wade." It felt weird to walk past him without squeezing his shoulder or pressing a kiss to the leather of his suit; all of this felt wrong and you wanted to try all over again. Maybe you should have just stayed home, actually. Wade grabbed your wrist and you took a moment to steel yourself before looking down at him, his expression hidden by that red fabric and blank white eyes set into the black coverings.

"Tomorrow night. I'll see you." It was a firm declaration and it had you wondering all sorts of things but you were too tired to argue. You nodded and his hand lingered over yours as he slowly let you go. It felt nice, for a brief moment, to have your hand in his; the warmth of his palm and gentle touch of his fingertips. But it slipped away and you walked out, holding your head high as you forced yourself to head down the street. You found yourself at another park across the city, sitting on a bench and scrolling through your contacts as you thought about how to distract yourself.

Normally you loved the weekend—Normally you had Wade or friends to hang out with.

But as you looked at the names of your buddies you couldn't think of one that wouldn't give you another 'I told you so' lecture about Wade and you really didn't need that right now. You needed to think about literally anything else at that moment—or be supported in some other, less Wade-hating way.

You jumped as your phone rang and you stared at the photo on your screen for a second before you picked up the call.

"Hi Pete." You greeted, brows furrowed as the sound of wind gushing past the receiver met your ears.

"Spidey senses were tingling, you okay?" He asked, voice muffled by his mask, and you can't help but laugh. No, you were so far from okay, and Peter was not one of the people who'd keep his mouth shut about Wade. He hated him, or at the very least had an extreme dislike for him—even when you were dating, he didn't keep his disdain about it to himself. You got that's what friends were for in so many cases, but sometimes it really pissed you off, and you weren't sure you could handle any of that right now.

"I'm fine," a long pause, "Okay no, I feel like shit but I really, really, don't want to talk about it." You muttered, chewing on your bottom lip as you glanced around the park. People walked by like usual, none of their world's were crumbling at the seams because their boyfriend broke up with them—they were happy, or, happier than you. The wind died down on the other side of your phone, and you jumped as the bench bounced with the weight of someone leaping onto the wood beside you.

You turned to the side, Peter crouching beside you, fully suited up and phone now tucked safely away. You let yours fall to your lap as Spiderman now squinted at you, scrutinising the eye bags and red eyes as you stared back at him hoping he didn't say the one name you don't wanna hear from him.

"Hello totally-random-sad-bench-citizen whom I don’t know, you look like you need pizza and a joyride." You were pleasantly surprised when he held his hands out to you. People were whispering around you again, but this time, it was all directed at the superhero beside you. You stood, took his hand and let him help you to your feet, jumping on his back in what you both liked to call 'backpack buddy mode'. Within a second you were flying through the crisp air, you gasped, always in awe no matter how many times you'd done this. The feeling of flying through the air, far away from all your issues, was like nothing else. It was freeing.

You clung to Peter's shoulders and tried to get a good look at the city streets below, where everything looked like ants, and you felt like a God watching the world go by. If only you could stay up here with the birds, never touch the ground or have to focus on your problems like a grown adult.

Apparently and thankfully, Peter had already ordered pizza, and when you arrived at the rooftop of one of the taller apartment complexes in the city, there was a pizza box and cans of soda waiting. You wondered if he’d spotted you on your walk earlier, it would be too far-fetched to guess he saw you run into Wade and head to the cafe. You would be surprised if that were the case, seeing as he’d been like your small, chihuahua sized guard dog hellbent on keeping Wade away from you as you dealt with everything. Maybe he had realised what your therapist had already known or a year.

Wade was your problem and your solution all wrapped up in one messy little bow. You couldn’t get past this without him.

"I don't want a heart to heart over pizza and soda, just so you know." He set you down safely on the brick and shrugged in reply, walking over to the ledge to sit down.

"Duly noted, you want me to hear about my day then?" He clapped his hands together, and you smiled, nodding in genuine eagerness—hearing about someone else for a while might just do the trick of getting you out of your own head. And damn did you need out of it for a second.

"Okay, good, because you're not gonna believe what these bank robbers did this morning, these guys really get their routines from looney tunes or something." And so he began, pushing his mask up to his nose so he could 'chow and pow', the term you coined for talking shit and stuffing your face while you were at it. Very unattractive but inevitable when you were eating and deep into your rant.

Peter waved his arms about as he regaled the stupidity of a group of bank robbers and then the old lady who nearly got him hit by a bus, it was nice to lose yourself to his day for a while. You even laughed, a full, belly-aching laugh with snorts and all. You stayed on the roof until the sun began to set, and you ended laying on your back, legs dangling over the ledge as you and Peter fell into a comfortable silence. Staring at the clouds carving their snail pace across the sky and the shifting hues of the sky beyond them.

The pizza box and soda cans were empty, and for a moment, so was your mind. You could close your eyes, and everything was totally blank. Just a serene nothing as you listened to the faded sounds of the city and your own breathing.

"I know you don't want to talk about it."

Fuck. There it was. You cringed, squeezing your eyes shut as you readied yourself for whatever he was about to say.

"I'm here if you need me, I think I said all I wanted to say…" He trailed off and you recalled Peter arriving in your apartment the night of the breakup, his anger had almost rivalled your own anguish and he had definitely had plenty of choice things to say about… About Wade. About your relationship too, but mostly Wade.

"Breakups suck, and if you need another joyride and pizza hour with your friendly neighbourhood… With your friend, I'm here." Peter knocked your knuckles together, and you felt yourself relax, appreciative of where that had gone. Far from what you'd been expecting. You rolled your head to the side and shot him a smile, matching his own as you returned the weak fist bump.

"Thanks Pete,"

"Anytime… You need a ride home? Free of charge." You grinned as you pulled yourself up and he followed suit.

"Nah, can you drop me off at Faun Street? I think I need to walk in thoughtful silence for a bit." You mused, there was a lot you needed to get in order in your own head before you faced Wade again. You needed to decide whether you were gonna accept whatever he said and maybe try to work things out or put your foot down and decide… That it was maybe time you two were just friends again. Even though the thought alone made your stomach turn over itself uncomfortably.

"Yeah, okay, I get it." And with that, you were off, having the short and fun ride of binning your trash mid-air and being dropped off right across from the café you and Wade had sat in earlier today. You hugged Peter goodbye, and after he vanished around a corner, you rolled your shoulders and turned on your heel—headed toward the park that eventually would lead you back home.

You had to evaluate some things, like how much you could be okay with Wade's reasoning for the spectacle he made of your breakup. You think you'd need a while to get over how public and angry it was, he didn't need to be that cruel about it—no matter what. The thought he was trying to protect you in his own twisted way did make sense, but it didn't make it hurt any less. You weren't sure there was anyone for you after Wade, no one could full the shape of him in your heart, you doubted anyone would want to. So even if it had gone smoother, even if it had been cordial and he had gotten stuck forever in a black hole; you would have been more likely to steal a spaceship and save him yourself. Somehow.

You'd managed to find him in wieder places before. If he had more faith in you, let you into that side of his world more openly, then it wouldn't have been a problem in the first place. Maybe that was it, you had to break down that wall between Deadpool and Wade Winston Wilson, the division he put up to keep you away from the blood and guts of his operation—literally and figuratively Maybe then he could be more honest, still a dick but one that wouldn't break up with you on the basis of not being able to tell you the truth.

You sighed, running a hand over your face as you crossed onto the street and past an alleyway, poor timing on obscuring your vision there you'd admit later. Especially as multiple hands shot out and took hold of you all at once—your side hit the ground and your body scraped across the concrete harshly, your skin burned and the air escaped your lungs before you could make any type of distinguishable noise. You barely got a glance at the shadowy figures around you before a heavy force hit the back of your head, blacking out your vision and leaving you limp and unconscious.

End notes: Hope you enjoyed this part, let know know what you thought about it! The next part’s gonna be tons of fun! :)

#deadpool x reader #wade wilson x reader #marvel x reader #Deadpool Tag #Marvel Tag #GN!Reader Tag #Miniseries Tag #shoutout to ppl who have commented i love talking about this fucked up lil guy w y'all #Ouroboros Tag

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fandom-imagines-stories · 2 months ago

Text

New Series Preview

Hello! With season three of the In Betweens coming to a close, I thought I'd share a series I've been planning for a while along with your episode today.

It's a similar concept to In Betweens, but very different vibes in a very different fandom, though I'm sure my choice will come as no surprise to any of you.

This will be an on going series with seasons (though the season will probably be shorter because having another In Betweens would be too much lol)

Without further adieu, here is a preview for:

Seeing Red

Your hands shook, making the blood drip faster onto the carpet. In another situation, you might have felt guilt. Wasn’t your carpet.

It was hard to get a hold of the doorknob with the slick on your skin.

Matt smelled the blood before you even got through the door. He jumped up from his desk and walked into the main room.

Karen looked up from her desk and saw the concern painting his features. “Matt, what is-”

“Someone’s here,” he said.

You finally got through the door to be met with three waiting faces, all of whom looked familiar from the papers, but especially the blonde woman. The one your brother talked about sometimes. When he bothered to talk to you, that is.

“This is Nelson and Murdock, right?” You asked, still trying to catch your breath.

“Nelson, Murdock, and soon to be Page,” the friendly-faced one said. His smile fell, however, when he looked down at your bloodstained clothes.

You nodded and stumbled forward. The one with the glasses- Murdock, if you remembered right, stepped forward as well, though you couldn’t tell if it was to help you or put himself between you and his coworkers.

“I think…” You tried to blink away the dark spots that were clouding your vision. “I think you might be able to help me.”

Matt was barely fast enough to catch you before you hit the ground.

You collapsed into his arms as he tried to analyze everything he could, from your racing heart to the state of your tattered clothes.

Foggy knelt beside Matt to help.

Karen covered a gasp with her hand. “What the hell?”

“Call 911,” Foggy said.

“No, wait.” Matt lifted you up and carried you into his office to lay you on his desk.

“Are you crazy? Look at her.”

“And I’m assuming there’s a reason she came to us first,” Matt said firmly. His mind reeled, both taking in information from you and understanding his friends’ panic. “Call Claire.”

“Matt, do you really think that’s-”

“No… no hospitals…” You muttered, eyes fluttering open and shut. “They’ll find me.” You tried to sit up, but strong hands urged you back down. All you could see was red glass. “They’ll come after me. I can’t go to a h-hospital.”

“What makes you think they won’t come here?” Foggy squeaked.

“Foggy, call Claire,” Matt said again.

“Are you sure we shouldn’t-” He silenced at a glare from Karen and a turn of Matt’s head. “Alright, alright. I’ll be right back.”

Matt turned back to you, folding his suit jacket to lay under your head.

“Can you tell me what happened?” He asked softly.

You struggled against his hold, still trying to sit up.

“Easy, you’ve got a couple broken ribs and a nasty cut on your head,” Matt said. “Just lay down. No one is going to get you.”

“How could you possibly know I have broken ribs?” You groaned, but laid back down. From the pain in your chest, you knew he was right.

“Lucky guess. Karen, can you get her some water, please?”

The pretty blonde nodded and hurried out after the other.

“You know, the papers never said how good looking you are,” you teased, the gash on your head making you dizzy.

“I’m assuming you didn’t come here to ask me out for coffee.”

You laughed. It turned into a wince. “You helped someone I know a long time ago. I was hoping you could maybe help me.”

Foggy came back and said that Claire was on her way- though she didn’t sound too happy about it.

Karen followed him, bringing the cup up to your lips.

You coughed through the first couple of gulps before downing the rest of the refreshing liquid, easing the burning lump in your throat.

“Thanks,” you muttered.

“I also found this.” Karen handed Matt a towel, which he used to gently dab at the blood on your forehead.

“Can you at least tell us your name?” He asked. “Or who you know that told you to come here.”

You chuckled darkly. “I wouldn’t say he told me to come here. More the opposite. But he’s always been a bit of a grudge holder.”

As you spoke, Karen’s head started putting pieces together, even if she couldn’t remember exactly what the picture was. She’d seen you before. A photograph in a dark house…

“Who would have a grudge against us?” Foggy wondered. His face fell. “Unless you work for Fisk. And if you work for Fisk, we want nothing-”

“I don’t work for Fisk,” you said through gritted teeth. You looked around at the three of them and braced yourself. “My name is Y/N… Castle.”

Foggy took a step back. “No. Uhuh. We are not doing this again.”

#matt murdock #daredevil born again #daredevil imagines #matt murdock x reader #frakn castle #foggy nelson #daredevil #karen page

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russellsppttemplates · 1 year ago

Text

Soon enough (Lance Stroll)

There are many different ways to start a family, and Lance and Y/N are hopefully starting their own

Note: english is not my first language. This piece is written from experiences I know (my mother's, specifically), so it is probable that there are some mistakes as I'm not a doctor. Either way, I've tried to treat this as respectfully as possible as this is very close to my heart. Am I really giddy for the follow up parts? Yes, I am!

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Tw: mentions endometriosis, fertility issues and treatments and associated topics like blood, medicine, hospitals, needles, etc., male masturbation, pregnancy

Tag list: @myloverjk-blog

"It's just going to be negative, Lance", you mumbled, placing the stick on top of the counter and turning to the tap to ways your hands. "Then we'll know what to look for, sweetheart", he attempted, knowing how much the subject weighed on your chest.

When you decided it was time to start thinking about building your family, you and Lance went back to Dr. Marlin like she had asked you. Given your endometriosis, she wanted to accompany you in your fertility journey, checking out all of the possibilities before you moved on to bigger situations.

Lance had been the most supportive partner, always there to cheer you on and to hold you whenever things didn't work out, "Dr. Marlin said that if this didn't work, we are moving on to the big treatments", you looked at him, "and that's what we will do if you want, whenever you feel comfortable", he kissed the side of your head after pulling you close to him, "we're in this together, Y/N".

Grabbing the test when your phone beeped, you didn't even flinch, "negative, like I said", you mumbled, your top lip trembling as you hid your face in your husband's neck. As much as you expected it, it still hurt. Like any other couple wanting to start parenthood, you wanted to remember this period of your life fondly, but you also knew you weren't any other couple. You weren't alone, and since you became more invested in learning about your condition, you found out about all the other couples who had been through the same and their happy families, remembering someone with a very similar history to yours.

"I love you, Y/N, so much. I love you and we're going to have our own family, my love", Lance whispered in your ear, "we're in this together until the end, whatever it takes", he soothed, kissing your skin and hugging you tight against him.

"Do you have any meetings today?", you asked as you pulled away a few moments later, wiping your tears on your sleeve, "I have one at the end of the day, and I'm free for the rest of the week", Lance informed, "I have to get to work for the afternoon only, my morning is free too", you sniffed.

"Then I can call Dr. Marlin to book an appointment and you can go and get ready because we are going on a walk. It's a very quiet one, I doubt we'll run into anyone, okay?", he suggested, smiling when he saw your lips curve upwards slightly, "you're the best. I love you, Lance", you kissed his lips, walking out the bathroom and into the bedroom while he made the phone call.

"Do you need a blood sample?", you asked the assistant on the counter, "no, today it's just an ultrasound, and after that you might have to come in for other samples, just depends on how the appointment goes today", she smiled, "Dr. Marlin will call you shortly".

Sitting next to Lance as you waited, you grabbed his hand and started playing with in fingers on top of his thigh, "are you ready to hear that my uterus is a sad sad place for a baby to grow and that not even your guys want to stay in there? We've known eacother for a good while, so I thought we'd befriended, but apparently they're either too snobby or my uterus is a very hostile place", you joked, hoping that it would shake your nerves off, "too much?", you cringed.

"That's not the weirdest thing you've said to me", your husband chuckled, "and I'll listen to anything you say as long as it makes you smile", he cupped your cheek, "besides, who knows? Maybe my guys are also picky, or slow".

Dr. Marlin welcomed you in her office not long after, greeting you and confirming the informations she had, "like we discussed before, it seems that our best approach would be treatments like IVF. For that, of you still want to go for that route, we'll need some samples so we can also rule out any questions from Lance and see where your levels are", she said, getting up, "for today, we'll do the ultrasound as this will also given us more information".

Getting up and laying down on the bed, Lance followed you, standing on your side as you lifted your shirt enough for her to squeeze the gel and move the wand around, "see here? This is your fallopian tube, and it seems the most blocked, while your uterus is actually shedding well enough", she explained, pointing to the different spots on the screen.

"And is that good or bad? I mean, given the circumstances", you questioned, "I can't tell you with absolute certainty, as everyone is different, but this is usually a good sign. It means that it's your eggs that are not travelling to the uterus, and not like you have a low count or that they don't have a good place to settle once fertilised", she smiled, "I'm prescribing you the bloodwork and the samples we need, but after that, if everything checks out, we'll wait for your period and then we'll start couting from there".

"It's time for the shot, sweetheart", Lance called, grabbing the supplies he needed as you sat on the sofa. Even though you were fine doing it by yourself, having Lance doing the injections when he was home helped him feel involved in the process. "You can leave that there, then I can just pick it up after you take the needle out", you noted, placing the gauze in your thigh.

Lance tapped the syringe twice to make sure it was at the right level, kneeling down in front of you, "I'm just going to pinch your tummy, is this side, right?", he confirmed, seeing you nod, "are you ready, love?", he checked over before injecting the medicine on your skin, holding the syringe steady for a little bit before pulling it out, discarding it in the medical waste bin Dr. Marlin had given you while you dealt with the burn.

"This one is burning a lot more than I expected", you moaned, squeezing your eyes shut as the stung softened, feeling Lance's lips on your tummy and right by your hand that was pressing the gauze down, "you're very brave, Y/N, I love you".

"I love you too, handsome", you cradled his face, rubbing his stubbly cheek before helping him store the supplies for the next injection time, "we only have four days left", you smiled, looking at the medicine vials.

"Soon enough, Y/N, soon enough", he kissed your forehead, hugging carefully to not press on your tender lower belly, "you're so amazing all I keep doing is just that, but you're taking it all in, it's your body going through the changes", he kissed your softly.

"You're the one dealing with these hormonal changes, I still can't believe I cried when your sister showed up at the table with the pie a little bit more golden that it usually is. It wasn't burnt and it tasted amazing as usual, but the sight of it not done like usual sent me in a fit of cries", you blushed. Chloe was understanding like you expected her to be, but you still couldn't shake her panicked few seconds when she saw your tears, calling her brother immediately so he could hug you and soothe you.

"It's part of the process, love, and I want to be here for as much as I'm able", he said, interrupted by the sound of your phone going off, "it's Dr. Marlin, let me put in on speaker".

The phone call couldn't have gone better, "Y/N, I've reviewed the scans and it looks really good, keep up with the rest of the treatment and next week we'll look into the retrievals", she announced.

"This wasn't the way we were supposed to make a baby", you mumbled, "I should be getting naked and we'd be in our bed, and we'd whisper how much we love eachother and then we'd cuddle in said bed, not with me in a procedure room and you in another, in these cold and sterile sheets", you looked up at Lance.

You were back in the clinic so the doctors could collect both samples, and while you've had the years to prepare for this, and with therapy it was something you had worked over, sometimes you were still plagued by these thoughts.

Fortunately, your husband knew just what to say, "it's not the usual way, yes, but it's filled with love nonetheless. You're putting yourself through procedures after your body had been medicated with injections, and that is love. For out little one who we will hopefully hold in our arms when the time comes, love for our family and love for me. You're going to make me a father because of this amount of love you're showing me and that we share, okay?", he smiled soothingly, kissing your forehead, "no more of those worries, okay? Besides, we'll have loads of time for you to touch me and for me to touch you", he winked, helping you turn around so he could help you with the gown's tie.

Kissing your forehead goodbye once the nurses came to take you, Lance was then pulled to a room for himself, "all of the supplies you need are there", she pointed to the sterile table, leaving him alone in the room. Masturbating in a hospital room was not something he ever thought about doing. It wasn't that you weren't there with him, because he certainly had done it many times whenever he travelled for races and you weren't there, so he figured it was the white walls, plain in a room that only had the purpose he was in there for too. Pulling his phone from his pocket, he found the photo album of pictures of you he kept for these occasions. The collection was built along the years you've dated, usually ending up on his phone whenever you both felt particularly daring and in need of the other and you weren't physically able to satisfy it. The picture he used, however, was one he had taken himself. The picture was probably three months old as he had taken in on your anniversary, your naked side profile as you looked sweetly at the camera. You hadn't done anything big to celebrate it, opting instead for staying in and spending your time between the sheets working on your shared dream of a family. And that's exactly what he was doing right now, stroking himself as he recalled the sweet noises you make that he adores so much, the way you feel around him and how your body feels in his hands, soon collecting his finish in the sterile cup.

Making sure it was sealed tight and then washing his hands, Lance fixed himself and walked out of the room, heading up to the desk and handing his sample to the nurse, "there you go", he began, seeing her store it in a cooler like box, "I'm sorry to bother, but do you have any news on my wife?", he wondered, "Y/N's procedure seems to be concluded", the nurse looked at the monitor in front of her, "they're probably just finishing up and she'll be up in her room any minute. Do you want me to walk you there?".

"I think I still remember the way, thank you though", Lance smiled, walking along the corridors until he found the room you had been in. He sat in the comfortable chair, smiling when he saw your colourful fuzzy socks waiting on your bag, remembering reading reports from other women saying that their feet were cold after the retrieval, and since you weren't a big fan of the cold, Lance made sure to pack them for you.

The noise in the corridor caught his attention as the nurse that had wheeled you to the procedure room came back, wheeling you back inside, "she's still a bit sleepy, but the procedure went well. Dr. Marlin said that, at first glance, everything is right on track", she smiled as she noticed Lance's worry fade, "we will be both here in a bit so we can discharge her, but if something happens meanwhile, there's a bell there", she pointed, excusing herself and closing the door behind her.

Turning to face you, Lance kissed your cheek as you fluttered your lashes, "hey, sleepy girl", he cooed, prompting you to fully open your eyes, "I heard you did really well in there", he admitted proudly.

"Yes, they said something about a good number of eggs, I think I might've compared myself to a chicken, so you know, good things", you giggled, looking for his hand to hold, "thank you, for all this", you kissed his knuckles, "no need to thank me, we're in this together, sweetheart".

After explaining you the signs you should look out for, the medical team discharged you and off home you went with Lance.

Since you got the call to book the embryo transfer day, you and Lance had been cautiously hopeful with the results, "Lance, Y/N, I'm happy to say that we have 10 embryos to work with. They have developed healthily and without any complications", Dr. Marlin cheered.

"Let's go get a baby put inside of me, hm?", you stepped out of the car, holding Lance's hand as you walked to the door. Checking in was quick and you were almost immediately welcomed into the procedure room, sitting in the bed and covering yourself as requested.

"I imagine I'm looking very sexy", you joked in a way to deal with the nerves, "you always look the sexiest to me", your husband kissed the side of your head, resting his forehead in yours, "we're finally here, my love, you've got this, we've got this", he whispered, almost terrified that of he spoke any louder he would disturb the mood.

You heard a knock on the door, Dr. Marlin and her colleague walking in wheeling a small cart, "we have your embryos here", she pointed to the environment where they had been developing. As they rearranged the room, they pushed a highchair by your side, telling Lance he could sit in there while they worked, "so, Y/N, you shouldn't feel too much pain, rather some pressure as we make the transfer", she said as she maneuvered the small catheter, her colleagues guiding the ultrasound as you looked at Lance, finding the usual calm in his brown eyes.

"That was very well placed, actually the perfect spot", Dr. Marlin said, smiling behind her mask as he removed the devices and covered you up. "It's done", she empathised, rubbing your shoulder and hugging you, "now you're just going to stay here for 10, 15 minutes or so, to make sure everything settles", she excused herself, leaving you and Lance in the room.

"We made a baby and they're inside of you", Lance choked out. Throughout this process, he had always been the strong one, the one to hold you whenever you didn't want to do the injection because it hurt too much, whenever you felt like crap from the meds and whenever you lost hope, but today he cried for the first time, bringing tears to your own, "I'm so happy, I promise these are happy tears", he chuckled, "I always say that I'm the luckiest guy because you love me, at my best and t my worst, and today you proved it to me once again. I really am the luckiest", he kissed your lips, salty tears in the mix while you waited.

"We'll see you in two weeks for the test, okay?", your OB waved goodbye after giving you two big hugs, "thank you, once more", you spoke, forever grateful for the way she led you through this whole journey.

Driving home was quiet and comfortable, your seat adjusted so you didn't have as much pressure on your abdominal area, "They really should get this holes sorted, they've been here for a while now and they're only getting worse", Lance mumbled, "I'm sorry, sweetheart", he apoligised as he slowed down the car as much as it was safe to, "it's fine, it doesn't hurt or anything", you justified, not seeing the need to be so careful.

Blushing, your husband passed all the holes, the concrete now smooth as he drove faster again, "can't give any more shakes to the little bun, you know? Making sure they stay glued to the wall and all", he said sweetly, hopefully bringing lightness to the situation as you pouted at his cuteness.

"I love you, Lance. There's no one else I'd want to do this with", you stretched your hand, landing on his thigh as his own hand travelled to your tummy, rubbing it softly and hoping that your family was growing inside of you.

#lance stroll imagine #lance stroll fanfic #lance stroll fluff #lance stroll x reader #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #f1 fanfic

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lunarle-old · 3 months ago

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Do you have an idea of what you're going to write next ?

Yes... And No.

The current plan is to write my dragon fic. I looove dragons, and I've always loved fics that make my favs dragons. Hoarding Humans is a good example of that ;P I really wanna do it myself! I feel a little weird directly using the concept of HH (just the idea of a dragon's hoard being humans! i've been obsessed with it ever since!!)... I know there's a whole Inspired tab thing on ao3 but remember I was brought up in the animation meme community trenches. I've seen some very vile things said to ""copycats"" (and it's usually just somebody who took inspiration off of someone elses art style or a certain part of another persons meme @_@ don't get me STARTED on the ragebait...) and I am not in the proper emotional state to handle that right now QwQ

However that doesn't mean I can't write about dragons. I have some ideas in mind-- I've properly conceptualized my go-to fantasy world for AUs like this. I know who the main cast would generally be (DICE! Kokichi rounds up some of his classmates from in game :P so people like Gonta, K1B0, Miu, Kaede, Rantaro. . . maybe Kirumi? I have lore trust me. I'm cooking.) I know the main premise of the story, and it goes into my own bullshit with dragons, because lord knows I ever follow any actual myths or tales (´ﾟωﾟ｀) (i read wings of fire that's good enough for me!!!)

I am still trying to learn how to draw dragons in a way I like though. Here's my concept for Maki and Shuichi ^^"

Overall the chances of this fic happening after HGH, as of right now, are fairly high. This is what I plan to write once I'm done with HGH.

But please, please please keep in mind that I . . . am absolutely horrible with making promises about my fics. I'm so forgetful I forget to even check my notes to see what I've forgotten. T_T my fics would be a tiny bit better than they are now if I actually kept track of wtf im doing. maybe i should make a checklist.

Point is, I don't know if this is what I'll write once HGH is done. I've done some estimating and while, for once, I do not have a concrete ending in mind, I can guess how long this'll be. I think... it might be around as long as M5? Somewhere around that 130k mark. Again!! I'm not sure!! I need to figure out what I'm gonna be doing for the non-Tsumugi half of the "recovery" arc, so who knows what the word count for this is gonna be T_T. MY POINT!! MY POINT IS THAT!!! It could change. By the time I'm done with HGH, I might write this dragon fic. I might write a differeny fic. Or I'll lose motivation to write anything for a bit. Lord I am yapping so I'll move on

Que transition, with all that being said, I do have Other ideas in mind!! Ones I've been sitting on for a while!

ONE. Saimatsu mansion :D I've mentioned it here and there, but the idea is that Shuichi and Kaede are plopped on an island and have to escape. It's one of those more out there ideas G_G and I haven't really descended into my full levels of insanity yet (wait until i start posting my crossover aus /j), but this would be bordering on it. I have some more minor ideas for this one, but I haven't rlly explored it yet :'3

TWO. remember unexpendable? yeah so i. i really really like crossover aus. almost as much as i like giving them superpowers. I was thinking of an Undertale x DR fic where I drop Shuichi into the underground. Undertale is super special to me,, it got me out of a really dark place. My favorite OC of mine (Montserrat<3) is an Undertale OC! So I think it'd be a lot of fun, especially since Danganronpa is basically the reason I'm like?? actually living now XD I got a job because posting my DR fics helped me overcome enough of my social anxiety to get employed. So!! It'd be nice. i also think shuichi and papyrus would get along do NOT @ me also undyne would scare the shit out of him. Anyways I dunno if this would be another oneshot, considering the, uh. length of the game. and how insane i could rlly go if i went into the neutral /genocide route stuff too. I dunno. It'd be fun :P i also have doodles wait

THREE. I don't know what could and couldn't be used for a plot twist so I'll keep it vague, but basically it's a fic that involves the ENTIRE CAST. A bit of a challenge for myself. Everyone's back! And all of the blackeneds revert to, like... HGH levels of despairs. So it's up to everyone whos still normal to find a way to make them also normal before, uh. things get worse. TV GIRL BLAST 💥 (oh yeah this would be a kaede-centric fic! her pov for the majority. i had a lot of fun writing her during Unexpendable and i miss her </3)

FOUR. i got really into in stars and time so now i'm even more not normal about time loops. so let's put shuichi in another one! but i wanted to shake it up a bit and really let my less canon-reliant, more creative side flow a bit. It'd also be kind of a message to myself about life... WHATEVER Thats not important. What is important is, hey! I've been watching WAY too many Minecraft ARG analysises than what could possibly be considered healthy for my anxiety, so now I want to sic a bunch of them on Shuichi. this things unfinished because i only have very vague ideas for a few of the loops... but the overarching idea is that even the smallest (but impactful!) change in a choice can lead to an entirely different loop, with an entirely different entity. and during all of the loops, shuichi gets little bits and pieces to the bigger picture, which will break him out of the loops. idk this seems like a big and tiring project so this is more of a "maybe" than the others but i still think it's cool :')

FIVE. ok this one isn't danganronpa... remember when I said I was super into In Stars and Time? I wanted to write an ISAT fic. Siffrin and Bonnie are so so special to me and i wanted to indulge in that. I haven't rlly been writing in my oneshots though so I don't really have a grip on writing anyone from ISAT,, so. :( i have to spiral into full insanity privately before i can determine what is safe to show the internet /hj

And that is all I can think of off the top of my head. :P These ideas have been brewing for quite a bit, and ones that have actual ideas to them. I dunno which one I'll write first... or even if I'll write them. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Who knows? Maybe I'll break my rules about writing two fics at a time. Just give me time ... and please be patient. I can only write so fast ＼(_ _)

#anon asks #the anxiety meds are kicking in i'm not even afraid to post this #i'm also getting tired so maybe that's why?#but yeah as you can tell. lots of ideas rattling around in this skull of mine

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habitsbf · 16 days ago

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alright... waddling in here nervously. I luv talking about habit but I have really niche opinions about it I think but I figured you might be inch rested in them. I get a lot of my habit headcanons from a close friend of mine (seasoned-siffrin here on Tumblr, but I don't think he's posted many of his habitisms) but I've built off of them on my own as well

okay. well. I was here to bounce of the last ask about the seven deadly sins theory LMAO. I've not heard that one and I see where they're coming from, what with the present religious themes of everymanhybrid (and a good lot of slenderverse series in general, I've noticed), but I think habit has a bit more nuance than that. not a dig at prev, of course, I'm just excited teehee

habit describes himself in canon as Mankind's Bad Habit, and if I remember correctly Evan Jennings continues to refer to him this way in non-canon instances like streams. it's been a while since I've touched up on Evan's personal takes on habit, so if any of this is lukewarm-cold takes feel free to bite me for it. I don't think "Mankind's Bad Habit" is an accurate way to describe habit at all.

well, okay, in many cases it is. what we see of him in emh, canyouseethewords, and from the extra lore we're given about him, he sure as shit does seem like the worst of the worst- but as he is a personification of the concept of habits, there's an opportunity for more layers to what he is; not just bad habits, but habits as a whole. humanity is flawed. our bad habits speak far louder than our good ones. it only makes sense for this entity to reflect that.

I think looking at habit through the lens of human morality is also going about it the wrong way. this creature is beyond our comprehension, and is more conceptual than he is physical. he doesn't operate on the same moral scale as we do. when he expresses little care about his horrific actions, I don't personally believe it's just out of numbness or sadism, but the way he as an entity is wired. there is no real good or bad for habit, as he is just a reflection of us and our behaviors. associating him with the sins doesn't make much sense if you look at him through that lens.

sorry I just crawled into your asks and spit out a yap fest I sit and think about this beast frequently. kick my feet and twirl the phone line around my fingers while I talk about him and such. I like studying him under a microscope :3

DUDE I GENUINELY ADORE YOUUUhjdhjfihh YOU GET IT YOU LITERALLY GET IT. EXACTLY. dont apologize for yapping, i rarely get serious asks that align with my views on HABIT, so this was like a breath of fresh air for me HAHA.

HABIT does not view things the same way we as humans do. you are spot on about that. he is NOT human, and the EverymanHYBRID crew tries so hard to remind us of that. HABIT is his own thing, his own kind of being, he doesnt have our morals or views. it makes sense why he doesnt operate or even think like we do.

HABIT takes interest in things seen as brutal, horrid, and beyond fucked up. it makes sense for him to be curious about the bad in humanity. feeding off of what he has seen and knows, he uses all of this stuff as scare tactics. HABIT so badly wants to be seen as horrifying, as something that is pure evil, something that no god could ever defeat or save others from...

but, like you said, "mankinds bad habit" isnt exactly fitting for him. if HABIT truly was all things bad, he would be even worse than he currently is. he would be so much more brutal, so horrible that nobody could even like the guy, but that just isnt the case. HABIT has some positive characteristics, even if they are small, they are still very much there. theres parts of him that still make him likable. HABIT is not ALWAYS bad. he is not CONSTANTLY evil.

in series, in the video "Half-acre of ash", he quite literally has a moment of vulnerability, showing that he isnt completely enjoying what hes doing. he mentions how he gets to "hunt them, and eat them, and cut them, and burn them" but "its the same." HABIT seems happier in videos where hes simply around Vinny and the videos where he is getting closer to the ending of the current iteration. i know hes happy committing violence too, but thats a normal for him. violence is a huge part of who he is. its understandable why he gets bored of it sometimes. to him, its something he just does every once in a while. its like a hobby for him. while we view it as bad, he views it as good.

HABIT is wired to crave and commit violent acts. he ISNT wired for normal casual interactions, and i (getting into some semi-headcanon talk here) genuinely believe he enjoyed Vinnys company, so having to trash all of that and restart YET AGAIN probably makes him feel alone. he has stated before his only "friends" are slenderman and the rake, and those two probably arent the most fun to be around. the dude craves a positive relationship, but his nature and want to be viewed as evil gets in the way of that. he wants a break. it makes you feel bad for the guy regardless of all the horrific things he has done.

ANYWAAAYS, i too frequently think about this beast 🫶 i mean, come on, this things my entire personality and surrounds my online presence. I LOVE HIM!!! I THINK HES GREAT!!! i absolutely love being able to discuss him in extreme detail and just ahhshkdjehJHKDDHJHhdhf hes so neat. hes such a cool character. idgaf if hes "overpowered" hes perfect to me. I 💜 HABIT.

#; 🐇 ⦻#TY 4 THIS FRANK ILY #heehehsgehehe #HABIT #everymanhybrid #slenderverse #IM SO HAPPY

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the-perfect-wagnerite-again · 17 days ago

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Philosophical question: What makes art "good"?

I've been sitting on this ask for a while. On the one hand, it'd be way easier to just say "thousands of pages have been written on this topic with no agreeable consensus yet, so what does it matter what I think?" On the other hand, this exact question came up in one of my discords recently, and I remembered this is still a real question for people who don't spend their time combing through those thousands of pages. I'll try to give some personal thoughts. This is going to be a long one, so apologies in advance.

First, I have to assume that anyone reading this believes there is a real distinction to be made between that which is art and that which is not. Art is the resultant of intention for the purpose of aesthetic engagement. A chair might be beautifully crafted and have significant aesthetic qualities, but its true function is as a piece of furniture. To that end, it might be artisanal, but it is not art, strictly speaking. Those who say "art is whatever you think is art" (or similar derivatives) do not actually believe it, because their entire goal is to appropriate the label "art" for whatever product or commodity they personally value, which would be a meaningless goal if they did not already recognize the label "art" as a non-subjective signifier. For the purpose of this post I'll be containing my thoughts to visual arts specifically (music, literature, drama, and poetry are surely arts, but they will make things slightly more difficult).

In philosophy, the discipline of phenomenology seeks to explore experience as such. One might argue that Kant acted as a precursor to phenomenology with his distinction between phenomenon and noumenon, the former being that which is accessible to us through our senses. Since art is an aesthetic endeavor, this makes modern philosophical questions about art inextricable from questions about phenomenology, because art is something we must experience with our senses. We see paintings, we hear music, etc, but what are sights and sounds really, and how do we explain emotional responses to empirical stimuli?

One concept in phenomenology I find particularly useful in the domain of art is the concept of intentionality. In short, all of our thoughts are about something. We do not have free-form, disconnected thoughts, but rather thoughts that are directed towards particular concepts, objects, or feelings. We have thoughts with intention. This might seem obvious at first, but it has grave implications for our connectedness to the real world. If all of our thoughts are about things, then it is things (be they concrete or abstract) that anchor our minds to the world. Indeed, this is the crux of the Kantian paradigm (though he predated the modern terminology).

What does this mean for art, and how does it affect what one might consider "good" vs "bad" art? Here we get to the messiness of the objects of our thought. Is it possible for one to have their thoughts directed at the wrong thing?

I'm going to take a step to the side here and illustrate my perspective from a parallel street: the distinction between the erotic and the pornographic. In the modern uses of the word, the two are practically synonyms, but this is the result of a modern world that values pornography over all else, perverting the natural domain of the erotic in the process. So what is the difference? All human beings experience sexual desire, but we understand that sexual desire and lust are not identical.

In true sexual desire, we feel the erotic impulse not merely for the body of our beloved, but for our beloved embodied. We see in our beloved the self-experience of their entire person, a self-experience we recognize within ourselves, and we seek to bridge the gap between self and non-self, us and them. Christendom recognized this truth in its pronouncements that in the sacrament of marriage, man and woman become as one flesh. In a more romantic idiom, we recognize this impulse when we get lost in the eyes of our beloved. It is not the literal pupils and irises we see, but the person behind those eyes. In the sexual act, we consummate our desire as erotic love, the intention of which is directed at our beloved as a subject. Sexual desire, at its heart, is a search for knowledge of the Other: it is an outward direction passion of epistemology.

Lust, by contrast, is entirely directed inwards. We are only too familiar with lust as an appetite. Lust makes no regard for the personhood of its object, because the object of lust can be replaced at a whim. Imagine if someone suggested that you replace your true love with a nicer, more beautiful man/woman: the idea is so absurd it's insulting. But the accessibility and variety of modern pornography perfectly illustrates the non-specificity of lust. It doesn't matter what an object of lust is, because it is in the satisfaction of the self that the appetite of lust is sated. Lust denies the personhood of its object, which is why lust in its most extreme and degenerate forms (rape and pedophilia) can satisfy itself with any number of victims, each just as good as another. (As an aside, this is why pornography is so perverse. It displaces and usurps healthy desires with false substitutes. Note that this description also applies to much non-sexual products of the modern world.)

I'm sure you can see where I'm going here. The erotic attempts to use art to explore the dimension of sexual desire, a natural and fundamental part of the human condition. The pornographic serves to satiate the appetite of lust.

See here the Titian "Venus," an exploration of erotic beauty in the divine. Here the body is at perfectly at rest. The Venus could be clothed from head to toe, and her natural posture need not change in the slightest. She is in complete awareness of her form, and she gazes at the viewer with the relaxed confidence of a transcendent beauty. The viewer is drawn automatically to her face, which veils her nude body from perversity. You cannot objectify this woman, her flesh is off-limits to base appetites. Instead of consuming her, we adore and appreciate her, admiring from a distance the perfection of her features and the sublimity of her Self. We see in her a woman embodied, flesh and spirit entwined.

The male gaze meets the erotic (like the Venus) and feels a desire for more than mere flesh. She is pure subjectivity, and a function of sexual desire is to know that subjectivity as one's own. This is not a uni-directional force, however, and in the erotic moment that desire for knowledge compels us to make ourselves vulnerable for our beloved, that they might do the same for us. The Venus's eyes are both sword and shield, her face both an invitation for vulnerability and a bulwark against obscenity.

It's not exclusively in the beauty of the divine that we encounter erotic passion in art, however, and certainly human beings are not gods. See here a more terrestrial exploration of the erotic in Manet's "Olympia."

Notice first the similarities to the Titian: a nude figure, a relaxed posture, a self-awareness in expression. But immediately differences are apparent. This is no goddess, but a woman of flesh and blood. Hers are not the spotless hands of the divine, but the earthly hands of caresses, of money-handling, perhaps even of violence. Her features are hardened, but they are true. And like the Venus, her face holds vigil above her form. We see in her expression an entire person, a woman with a history, will, and total self-knowledge. She too is off-limits, but for more imminent reasons than the Venus, for this is a more imminent beauty.

In the Venus and the Olympia we see the body unashamed. They are bodies in sublime reclination, perfectly at one with themselves in their nakedness. Theirs is not a nudity of advertising or intentional display, but instead of total leisure. The veil between the viewer and these women holds fast, and we see in them a representation of the female form in all its splendor. These are not "real" women (though their models doubtlessly were), and so for the viewer, they are the subjects of imagination.

By way of contrast, let us move now to a work of false eroticism, Boucher's "Blonde Odalisque."

Striking differences are at play here. Most apparent is the subject's posture, an unnatural and inexplicable pose that she would never hold if she was fully clothed. This is not the body at rest, it is the body on display. The face is another red flag, as it has no feature to play in the body's composition, and we have no reason to be drawn towards it. Whether she is intentionally avoiding our gaze or is simply unaware of it, her subjectivity is compromised, and we are free to engage in more lecherous mental activity. This is not the body unashamed, like the Venus or Olympia. Instead, it is the body shameless. Her nudity, while beautiful, is dangerous and borders on advertisement. There is no history in this woman that concerns us beyond her bare flesh, and therefore she is not a fully intact agent to us. The erotic here is impossible, and we have brushed against the boundary of the pornographic.

What conclusions can we draw? The Titian and the Manet are works of art that pull our thoughts into them, realms of fantasy where the imagination must work, wrestle, and play with perspectives of subjectivity and the erotic. The Boucher also pulls at our thoughts, but not with the same end, instead providing an immediate satisfaction for fantasy in the form of a readily present object. There's no room for imagination here beyond inward-focused lechery.

Here we encounter another difficulty in art, the conflation of technical execution to artistic expression. One cannot deny Boucher's remarkable skill as a painter. But that skill does not automatically endow expressive merit to a work of art. Compare especially the Titian to the Boucher - the compositions have similarities in form but not in content, because there is more to a work of art than the literal pigments on the canvas. Those who cannot penetrate beyond the surface-level sense impressions of a work will find it difficult to delineate between genuine artistic expression and the evocation of mere sentimentality. Art must take itself to be fundamentally serious, and in that vein it cannot properly provide gratification for fantasy, for such satisfaction would be illusory. Where gratification comes easy, artistic expression recedes.

And now we return to the question at hand with a new perspective on what makes art "good." "Good" art is art which exists for its own sake, while "bad" art (and I'm using the word "bad" here very loosely, for much "bad" art is still skillfully executed) is art which exists for the sake of the emotions and feelings it satisfies in those who engage with it. In the phenomenological phrasing, "good" art pulls the intentionality of thought outwards, while "bad" art confines it inwards (metaphorically speaking). Indeed, it is the very notion of "inward-focused intentionality" that seems to be the defining feature of what the art-world calls kitsch.

We all know kitsch when we see it. The art on greeting cards, or in hotel lobbies, or in Precious Moments figurines. These are things that exist for the sole purpose of arousing an emotional response, and it is in that response that we find satisfaction. The automatic "awww" that we coo out when we open a birthday card with a cheesy poem inside is categorically different from the "awww" we whisper when we hold a sleeping infant. In this sense, kitsch is emotional pornography, in that its function is to both induce and satisfy an emotional craving without pulling one's thoughts towards anything except their feelings.

Much of modern art is kitsch. Some "artists" like Koons go so far as to produce works that are so blatantly obviously kitsch that it preempts the criticism, as if to say "I know this is looks kitsch, so it transcends the label into new territory, and you can't call it kitsch anymore." Such works are stupendously popular among art critics, because in a world where beauty is considered dangerous and hierarchical, the current vogue is to be as offensive to taste as possible. Other modern works are elaborate exercises in mental masturbation, a kind of "Emperor's New Clothes" litmus test for the anointed of the modern art-world. In these overly intellectualized forms of kitsch, the "merit" is found in one's own capacity to recognize and appreciate said "merit," and those who can't probably aren't sophisticated enough to understand.

But this presents another danger in the opposite direction, the glorification of tradslop. In an effort to signal as hard as possible an opposition to the trends of modernity, tradposters and right-wingers alike have fallen into the habit of idolizing prettier forms of kitsch.

Thomas Kinkade paintings all have exactly one function, to satisfy one's emotional cravings for idyllic coziness or nostalgia. On the surface it appears more "traditional" than Koons (or at least less "modern"), and the accessible prettiness makes it attractive as a counter-signal to the abstract ugliness of hypermodernity. Like the Boucher, the Kinkade has genuine merit in form and composition, use of color, perspective, and lighting (a trademark specialty of Kinkade). But beneath the surface, there is no genuine content in a Kinkade landscape, no representation for our imaginations to occupy, because it is purely for the sake of the emotional response of the viewer that the landscape exists. It is a prop that is satisfying to look at because that is its function.

By way of comparison, let's look at Wyeth's "Christina's World," a mid-20th century painting that, ironically, was considered too kitsch on its debut because it wasn't abstract enough. The Wyeth, like the Kinkade, induces a kind of nostalgia on first impression. But unlike the Kinkade, the nostalgia here is for a world rooted in reality. Our gaze moves from Christina to the homestead and back, scanning everything from her clothes to the tracks in the field for clues of the human life depicted. We might feel grief for the loss of a world long-past, recognition in the home depicted and the familiarity of its contents, or empathy in Christina's course towards the property. In all of this, our imaginations dance within Wyeth's representation, a somber and sublime depiction of Americana, but separate from us, enframed as an end in itself.

My suspicion is that in the modern world of commercial product, we are so inundated with a constant stream of slop that we are primed to overexcitedly pedestalize even mediocre content to heights it doesn't deserve. Film and videogame soundtracks are "just as good" as the symphonies of Beethoven, because they both use orchestras, right? The pop music of Phil Spector was pure genius compared to his contemporaries (and successors), but does that make it more artistically sound than the Wagnerian element he utilizes? Game of Thrones might not be Shakespeare, but it's got to be better than Harry Potter, isn't that good enough? Why not enjoy Kinkade when everything else is either perverse or Corporate Memphis blob art?

The "product vs art" discussion is sticky, because in a world dominated by the democratic atmosphere, it's forbidden to suggest that one's taste in anything, from food to films, might be inferior to another's. "Just let people enjoy things!" It is sobering to remember that the most effective products for mass consumption are those manufactured to satisfy the lowest common denominator, and what is more satisfying than the instant gratification of fantasy? But if one cares about art as a feature of humanity's impulse to create, then one must recognize that, like human beings themselves, not all art (and certainly not all product) is created equal. If it were, criticism would be impossible.

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genericpuff · 5 months ago

Note

1. Have you read Circe by Madeline Miller + Song of Achilles ~ if you have what are your thoughts

2. In the original what was your favorite male character drawn out (mine was Hermes only bc I found him hot😓)

3. How long do you think it’ll take you to ‘finish’ your story, like do you have a set date: 2026,2027, even 2030🙈🙈

4. What’s your backstory on tattooing and art, was this your initial plan

5. Fave girl character, (mine is Minthe only bc she reminds me of my younger self since I seemed to only choose realtionships where I get here)

thank youuu

ahaha so many questions! I'll answer them as concisely as I can :>

1.) Song of Achilles is on my shelf, I've been meaning to read it all but I haven't been able to make time for it, I might try and do so before the new year! I've definitely heard great things :>

2.) Hephaestus! He gives me such older brother vibes, he just seems like a really chill and snuggly guy LOL Only complaint about his character design is the fact that he's constantly using running blades (sure they look cool but they're not practical for casual wear, you're supposed to use them for, y'know... running lmao) but that's really it, I think his arc with Aphrodite in S3 was poorly written tbh especially with how rushed it was, but overall not the worst treatment out of the cast.

3.) Definitely don't want it to take until 2030 LMAO It's gonna depend on a few variables, including update schedule (I'd really like to get back to posting once a week again like I used to but I don't think it's gonna be possible for a little while u.u""") and how long the final scripts come out to be. Ideally though I'd like it to be wrapped up within another year or two. This definitely isn't one of those "work on it indefinitely" type projects, I have an end goal in mind and I don't want it to take over half a decade like my last comic project did LOL

4.) Never expected to wind up making Rekindled or in tattooing. I'm kind of a "fall into it" type person, I do what feels right in the moment even if it's not what I initially planned for (within reason, of course! I've learned to sit on new ideas and plans for a bit before pursuing them to ensure I'm actually into them before diving in lol it helps me avoid the impulsive ADHD-fueled decisions 😆). I sort of had a plan for myself back in primary and high school - I wanted to become a video game concept artist, but over time as I got into making comics and after I graduated college, it just never really happened. It's never too late, of course, but right now I'm having a lot of fun tattooing and making comics in my free time ! I think I'd still be making comics even if I ended up in game dev, it satisfies my storytelling side haha

5.) If you mean specifically LO, yeah, Minthe here too. Which is wild because I remember when I was still a huge fan of the comic and was on the "fuck Minthe!" train. Now that I've explored the comic with a more critical eye, I sympathize with her way more and I really hope she had gotten a more satisfying conclusion. Still, she got away from Hades and Persephone's nonsense so that's better than nothing LMAO but I definitely want to explore her side more in Rekindled as the story unfolds, I have some fun plans for her <3

#ask me anything #ama #anon ama #anon ask me anything

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yzafre · 7 months ago

Text

who wore it better – 2003 v 2012 episode comparisons

I said I wanted to do this in my 2003 thoughts post, and I’m gonna. I've been picking away at this for a couple weeks now.

I’m focusing on places where they actually recycled a storyline rather than adapted general concepts. Fugitoid and the space arc is an example of the second method – Robot Scientist with a connection to a Dangerous Machine is a shared concept, but the stories are different.

“Ohhh how did we end up here we’ve GOT to figure out how to get home, our Dad might still be in danger” versus “we HAVE to collect the McGuffins before the enemy or earth is going to EXPLODE. AGAIN.” You know?

Comparing those types of adaptations could be done, but it’s not what I’m interested in here. I specifically want to look at the places that made me think “oh, 2012 just copied this” while I was watching 2003.

Now, obviously this is extremely subjective. So take this as me defending my nominations for winner in these categories, rather than some sort of objective truth. I am presenting my dinky power-point on why you should vote for my favorites. Ect. Your preferences may be different!

My ramblings on the episodes got long (should I have split this into parts? maybe! didn't though), so uhhhh...

tl;dr: Scoring got weird at 3.5 to 2003, 3 to 2012, and two draws.

Key takeaways: 2003 better matches my personal tastes, and what makes 2012 good is the stuff specific to its iteration, rather than copying 2003

With all that taken care of, here’s my opinions, in very messy order.

Meet Casey Jones vs The Good, The Bad and the Casey Jones

So, this was the very first episode that made me sit back and go: wait. This is just. The same thing?

Raph loses a fight, loses his temper violently over it. He then goes out to get some air and runs into Casey, getting into a fight. Raph goes back and apologizes to his brother, and then they have to deal with the Casey situation. Eventually they’re friends.

That being said, they do handle things a bit differently inside of those plot points, in a way that makes me very split on which one is better.

So, this episode is doing two things: introducing Casey (at least to the turtles, in 2012’s case), and spotlighting Raph’s anger issues, and the shows handle both of them differently. So let's look at them:

Raph and his anger

I want to start with the positioning of the episode within the wider series.

This is the 4th episode of 2003. At this point, they’re still setting up the characters and your understanding of them – so this is really here to say hey, our Raph has a temper, that’s going to be a thing going forward. (I'm watching '87 right now, and while I've heard Raph gets more of his anger late in the series, at the beginning he is... not that. So signaling this for people who might have watched the previous show is valid.)

After this, I don’t remember there being other episodes that are Explicitly About Raph’s anger issues? That’s not to say there aren’t any – there very well could’ve been some that were just so boring I don’t remember them, which would be a whole other issue – but what I remember of him being, to quote the show, a “hot-head” is integrated into other stories.

For 2012, this is nearly halfway through season 2, and is one of 3 episodes I can think of off the top of my head that at least start out framed as a lesson on Raph’s anger issues. (The one with the guy that turns into a spider mutant, this one, and…. Okay so I don’t remember the details but I’m Pretty Sure I remember there being another one post-space arc).

Now, in theory this is good – having a sort of long-term journey recurring throughout the series. In practice… eh.

This is very subjective, but from the way the topic was constantly put on the shelf until they wanted to use it for an episode, to the way it was all extremely surface level and used mostly for jokes, it didn’t do much for me.

That aside, let’s look at the content of the episode itself:

Raph's anger issues have two different tones here.

2003 Raph’s snapping at Mikey is framed a lot more seriously – and a lot more dangerously – than 2012 Raph going at Leo. And, accordingly, ‘03 Raph is a lot more horrified at his actions, whereas ‘12 Raph is more petulant, unwilling to fully own up to his mistake.

That carries over to when they’re “getting some air” - ‘03 Raph is blatantly angry with himself, where ‘12 is complaining about his brother’s not getting it. I do think some of that frustration with himself is buried underneath, but it's interesting to note the difference between how aware of it they are. (Of course, ‘12 also didn’t try to brain his brother over the head with a metal pipe. So.)

The two different versions also shifted what they chose to have “spelled out” versus implied. What I mean is.... okay, so ‘03 had Raph explicitly say “What is wrong with me” – that frustration with himself I mentioned earlier – where it’s kind of buried underneath for ‘12.

On the other hand, ‘12 Raph flat out says he wasn’t angry, just “determined to win,” when explaining himself to Splinter, whereas with ‘03 the reasoning comes from Raph’s “You think you’re better than me?” line during the fight (and a bit of Mikey’s taunting, the menace), allowing you to (very easily, let's be real, I don't know that you can really count this as subtext) connect the dots on how it escalated.

So, that leads to their fight with Casey – where they both get carried away, before coming to their senses and questioning what they’re doing (and subsequently getting surprise-attacked). The difference here is that ‘03, upon calming down, went back to trying to talk some sense into Casey (using the lessons he’s obviously trying to absorb himself), while to me ‘12 Raph just kinda seemed disoriented by it all?

Which. Fair.

Next step: the apology. VERY different receptions. The ‘03 brothers greet Raph with worry and care, and take his apology quietly and warmly, whereas for ‘12 they act like this is another Tuesday, a bit dismissive, and tease and taunt him through his apology. I’m not trying to disparage the ‘12 turtles here – not exactly – more so observing the difference in tone once more.

When people say the ‘03 turtles feel older, I think this is a huge part of it – the ‘12 turtles’ behavior feels very “stupid teenager”. And I mean that in a genuine, fairly affectionate way. I remember being that age, I was dumb. You don’t know how to handle all these strong feelings, you have no impulse control. Also around 2012 I remember being genuine being deeply uncool, so. But ‘03 are demonstrating a higher level of emotional maturity, compared to that, and it does make them feel older.

Anyways, after that you get the reunion with Casey, having very different tones. ‘03 purposefully tries to reach out and rehabilitate help Casey get himself under control, whereas ‘12 diverges into a surprise attack by the Foot where Raph and Casey bicker their way into teamwork.

Overall, ‘03 takes a more... introspective? Approach to Raph’s anger, where ‘12 flickers between being slightly emotional and using the situation for humor or cool action scenes – it feels like setup for an arc that I never felt we got satisfying payoff for.

For my tastes, I think I prefer ‘03 for the Raph part of the episode, if only because it remains thematically cohesive till the end. From start to finish, Raph is trying to impart the lesson he wants to learn to Casey. With 12, it feels like the “Raph’s anger issues” thread got a bit lost/abandoned in building up the Raph-Casey dynamic.

Speaking of...

Casey Jones

I think ‘12 is the better Casey intro episode. There, I said it.

I know, I know! It’s not technically where we meet Casey, we already saw him interacting with April (also scenes I like), but... although having finished 2003 I think ‘03 has the better overall Casey (mostly because they give him like. Actual personal connections to the world), ‘12 has the better initial burst of character, in my opinion.

His little intro monologue is so stupid, and I love it. The skates and the little taser-gloves he obviously put together himself (and the fact that we only got one episode of Donnie and Casey bonding over this kind of engineering is criminal???).

The initiative to follow Raph down, his reactions to Splinter, the entire subway tunnel chase scene, where his and Raph’s rapport is building up... it’s good stuff! I like it! Maybe there’s a bit less depth in some places – we don’t get the personal connection with the Purple Dragons, how it ties back to his family – but his character voice, his initiative and impulsivity, and his creativity all come through.

It’s such a shame they didn’t do more to add to his character throughout the series in ‘12, because he had a fantastic early showing. But then, that series didn’t seem interested in doing that for any of their characters, to me. Sigh.

But... just looking at the episode itself, I'd give the Casey have to 2012.

So... draw? Great way to start off, I know.

Shredder Strikes Back vs The Invasion (or: Leo gets thrown through a window)

So, this is a tough competition, we’re gonna have to take this point by point, I mean -

2012. It’s 2012. Are you kidding me.

Okay, look. 2012 already has an advantage just on moving this from halfway through season 1 to the season 2 finale, but, I mean... come on.

With 2003, there was barely any build up with the Shredder. We’d seen him sort of being in charge of the various villains since early on – but the turtles didn’t see that! For them, he showed up, tricked Leo, Splinter gave some back story, they fought and then Splinter seemingly killed him. It just... wasn’t that dramatic? To me??

So when you have Leo thrown through the window, whispering “he’s back”, I was just like... I see no reason for this level of dread. It doesn’t feel that personal, or important, or.... anything, really. I know 2003 came first, but having watched 2012 beforehand this was kind of a letdown. Didn’t feel earned.

Now, 2012 on the other hand....

Shredder has been a constant, ever-increasing threat since the moment he showed up in Season 1. It was already personal with Splinter, yes, but then he also became a subject of looming dread for the turtles themselves. And it doesn’t come out of nowhere.

Like, yes, we, the viewers, were aware 2003 Shredder survived, but otherwise he was just hanging out off-screen, doing who knows what. He wasn’t on the mind. 2012, on the other hand, showed the way Shredder was slowly amassing power, planning for something.

And then you add the Kraang on top of it.

Like, seriously, making this a two-prong threat is. Mwah! The boys are falling apart, stressed by the time-limit of the upcoming Kraang invasion, disagreeing on how to handle it. And then the argument gets cut short by their home being discovered – they don’t even get a chance to choose their path together, because they have to run, and everything’s chaos, and they’re still focused on the Kraang.

And that’s when the Shredder comes in.

This is insult on top of injury with everything going wrong that possibly could. This is an immaculate payoff to the set-up they’ve been doing all season. This is fantastic.

And when Leo is thrown through the window, you feel it – the dread, the horror, the regret. It really feels like the breaking point of “we can’t take any more” that leads to them retreating. It has a weight to it that 2003’s version was sorely missing.

When it comes to Leo getting thrown through a window, 2012 takes the win, hands down. The stakes, the drama, and my investment are all so much higher than they were in ‘03, no contest, it’s my favorite part of ‘12.

What comes after, on the other hand....

Tales of Leo + The Monster Hunter vs Season 3a (or, the Farmhouse Arc)

Maybe it’s unfair to compare 2 episodes to 8 episodes. And maybe this is diverging from my “only episodes that are directly connected” rule I stated in the beginning, but I need to get this off my chest. Because I just. I’m not impressed by 2012’s farmhouse arc.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Warning: rant ahead, this is VERY subjective and heavily based in my personal tastes. Reminder that I do genuinely enjoy 2012, I just think the farmhouse arc is the lowest point in the whole series and is representative of what I find to be the weakest aspect of the series’ writing across the board. That being said.

I see what 2012 was trying to do, by drawing out Leo’s recovery over all those episodes, giving the characters some space to breathe. But they didn’t do it well in my opinion, and honestly the whole thing. Flounders.

2012’s best feature is its plot writing, how one episode tumbles into the next, Rube Goldberg machine-style, across an entire season. But at the farmhouse, they’re removed from the greater plot, and that’s not doing the writing any favors.

And it’s not that the episode ideas are bad – I generally think they’re pretty interesting! It’s just that without the inter-connected plot, they need something else to push them from “okay” to “exceptional”. Usually, this would be where deeper characterization and relationship building would kick in instead, but uh. I don’t personally think 2012 is great at that.

They under-cut the message of the episode with Big Foot, the Casey and Donnie friendship doesn’t really go anywhere after this, every other episode where inter-personal issues are only dealt with on a very surface level become even more obvious and a bit annoying without the greater plot to distract from it. Yes I know this is a kids show, but A:tlA had already finished airing at this point, also on Nickelodeon.

I think there’s a consistent issue with character writing in 2012 where they do what looks like set-up with no intent to ever give a meaningful pay-off or significantly change the status-quo, and that’s very much on display here.

And it’s not that there was nothing good in the season – I liked what they were doing with Raph, and how he was trying to help/encourage Leo, while somewhat bungling it in very realistic ways. It was a fascinating look at what this Raph acting at his best as the Lancer trope could be, and I genuinely wish they leaned into it more later down the line.

Also, I’m always thrilled to see the Leo-April friendship get some focus, so Eyes of the Chimera was a favorite. But across the board... the season didn’t wow me, and the longer it went on, the more I could see the cracks.

It all tops off with Vision Quest, which was my biggest disappointment in the entire series, the point at which I had to really stop and reset my expectations on what kind of story the writers were interested in telling. The summary describes them having to go on a spiritual journey to really face themselves and their weaknesses, and I was so excited! But then it was just. Really surface level. And occasionally confusing.

Raph needs to work on his temper, sure – but how is this any different than any of the other episodes about it? Do we look at all at where his anger comes from? A deeper way to handle it? No, of course not.

Mikey needs to focus, stop getting distracted – I mean, yeah sure I guess. Not a particularly interesting way of handling it, though. Also, even if he manages it here, I know it's not going to pan out to the rest of the show, they’re not giving up their easy source of humor for the younger demographic.

And Donnie needs to... stand his ground? What? I was so caught off guard. It’s not that it’s completely out of touch, we see him coming up with complex paths to his goals, trying to think his way around of problems, ect, but... it was never really highlighted or presented as a real problem other than maybe the episode on instinct over thinking too hard? It just felt really disconnected from anything else they were doing with him. A genuinely interesting pay-off scene, with no solid set-up.

And Leo. Oh jeez. My friends. WHAT is up with how they handled Leo’s knee injury? The pain is just in my mind? It's not real?? Really??? No, thank you.

Like... I think this was supposed to be a riff on what Splinter says about ‘03 Leo’s coma, and him being trapped in his head due to fear – but because in ‘12 they tied it to an actual, specific physical injury, the execution falls apart.

(Especially when they use the same flash-effect they used on Leo having issues with his knee of Splinter having issues later in the series but I probably shouldn't take that into account here.)

I mean, his quest is the closest to being satisfying, because they had lain interesting groundwork with his struggle with recovery and his insecurities in previous episodes, but then they just completely bungle it at the end! Argh!

I was so excited for Vision Quest, but this didn't tell me anything new about the characters or progress the characters in any meaningful way! It had no effect on how the characters are written going forward. So – other than some admittedly very cool fight choreography – what was the point? Was there one?? It felt like putting on the trappings of an emotionally deep story without any of the actual, you know. Depth.

I am clawing at the walls. Look at all the potential you wasted.

And yes, I’m aware this is all very subjective, and again part of a show for kids, but that’s how it hit me.

The 2003 farmhouse arc, on the other hand, was very short, and I think it benefited from that. It had two episodes, and it knew what it was doing with both of them. They felt purposeful, in the larger arc of the story.

First episode: they make their way to the farmhouse, Leo’s in a coma (according to Splinter, one driven by his fear), and his family tells stories of when he was brave/strong as a little kid to try and bring him out.

Wonderful, amazing, I love this episode. So much character work – both in the past and present! By going back to when they were kids, it helps us contextualize the turtles’ relationships by making them simpler.

In showing early memories that probably started cementing their views of each other, we see the core around which they developed. By seeing which memory each brother chooses to present, we get some insight into how they each see Leo. It gives us a point A to our current point B, which allows us to extrapolate the line between the two, how they developed.

And then you also get the little moments of how the brothers are handling this catastrophic event, how they react to the stress, to seeing their brother so hurt – Raph especially! It’s pure character work and I love it.

After that, we get one episode of shenanigans, which is both representative of that “space to breathe” after Leo woke up, and also gives space for the B-plot (which is the truly arc-important plot) of Leo, now awake, dealing with his own handling of this stressful situation.

Is the A-plot of this episode quite as good as some of the ideas for the 2012 episodes? Honestly, no, but just the fact that it’s carrying the Leo recovery story pushes it ahead. We see Leo struggling with his failure, Raph stepping up to herd him back on the right track – the idea of physically remaking his swords to remake himself! And, though we don’t know it yet, how hard Leo takes this is great foreshadowing to how he reacts going into his season 4 breakdown.

And then, having done the character work they wanted to accomplish, the writers go back to the main story. The characterization here matters (and also is good) in a way that whatever is going on in the 2012 farmhouse arc just. Isn’t.

In my opinion.

Okay, rant over, winner is obvious, moving on.

Triceratons

Again, we’re not comparing most of the space arcs, as that’s apples to oranges, but there are two episodes that caught my attention:

Rogue in the House vs Dinosaur Seen in Sewers!

Here we've got two episodes where the turtles find a Very Confused Triceraton and trick him into helping them.

I like the 2003 one better.

Honestly, it comes down to the context of the episode. Rogue in the House comes after the turtles have been in space and when they know more about who the Triceratons are. 2012 on the other hand is a sudden introduction to a new arc.

2003 also... questions the ethics of their decision more, by the end. It’s a bit more empathetic? And I appreciate that.

I will give 2012 credit that translating “we’ve been dropped into the middle of a war where both sides are bad” over to be attached to the Kraang, which they’ve built up already as a powerful alien threat, was clever. It doesn’t have the same edge of commentary that “and one of these sides looks just like us humans” has, but it is clever use of their existing world-building, and I like it.

The Arena vs The Arena of Carnage

The most obvious connection in the 2012 space arc – the turtles get thrown into a gladiator arena.

Now, 2003 does have an unfair advantage in this comparison, as The Arena is heavily bolstered by the set-up work done in The Big House, giving you a sense of place, stakes, connection to the other characters...

That last bit is where my bias and personal taste shows: I really love the turtles making any kind of meaningful connection with other characters, and I find this more convincing in the 2003 version than the 2012 one.

But 2012 also weakens itself in its own right by doing some setup here with no long-term pay off. You’ve got your fellow prisoner, who turns out to be a Triceraton who objected to the leadership's decisions... and after this episode, that means nothing! Cool, okay.

Like I get that was a part of the episode they’re pulling from, but if they’re not planning on reusing that long-term story, then they really could have cut that aspect all together. I know they have enough creativity in them to adapt the concept of “stuck in a gladiator arena” to do something more interesting, they’ve proved they have it in them. They just... didn’t, and the plot point didn’t translate well. Ah, well.

2003 also wins this one.

City at War vs... City at War?(???)

Look, I am only comparing these because they use the exact same name. Otherwise, it’s nowhere near a fair comparison. For 2012, this is actually part of a couple episodes where they talk about there being a power vacuum after the Shredder is out of the picture, but...

Can we be so real? They don’t even get close to the scale of 2003. Like with the farmhouse, it’s not that they don’t have any good ideas – I like the Don Visioso episode quite a bit – but it never gets to the depth or scale I want it to.

Like, 2003 made it visually obvious that the city is falling apart, that things are really out of control, in a way you can feel. Though, honestly, I’m not even sure 2012 could reach the levels of 2003, because they never put as much effort into making their NYC feel... real? I guess?

Also, the 2003 City at War arc is just. It’s really good, guys. It did such great work on Leo and Raph’s characterization, the danger in the city is palpable, the tension is thick, and then you add Karai on top of it all?

You’d think 2012 could push this, given the added dimensions to Karai and her connection to Shredder, but it ends up falling short. Point again goes to 2003.

What a Croc! Vs It Came From the Depths (Leatherhead)

So. I am painfully biased, because It Came From the Depths is my favorite 2012 Mikey episode, and I thought What a Croc! was... just okay.

I frequently bemoan that 2012 didn’t lean more into long-form character arcs for their story, and this is one of the central episodes that defined my desire for Mikey’s arc.

The instant compassion and understanding he has for Leatherhead – the way he recognizes and is willing to work with his trauma responses, but also is childishly impatient with the process when it gets messy later on, showing he still has some maturing to do – it's great, and I love it. I didn’t find the same kind of depth in the 2003 episode.

On the other hand, long-term I like Leatherhead better in 2003, just because he’s more present as ally, friend, or even family. 2012 Mikey’s always excited to see Leatherhead, but you don’t exactly see them hanging out.

But this is about the episode, and for that, I’ll give it to 2012.

Renet (Time Travails + Return of the Savanti Vs Turtles in Time + Tale of the Yokai)

I’ll be real with you, 2003 gains points with me just because this is another example of 2012 poorly shoving in romance. I would like to make it clear – I don’t have an objective issue with the turtles being in romantic relationships. It’s just... don’t put it in there if the writing's going to be so... bad. And boring. And unnecessary.

Additionally, this particular example put me off a bit more because... hm. Okay, the episode starts with Mikey going “I'm never gonna get caught up in all that!" Only for the show to do the writing equivalent of saying "of course you will, as soon as the right person comes along. And here she is!"

And uhm. Okay, so, I’m asexual with a big ? when it comes to romance. So that framing is..... nghghghgh I don't like it. Like I get the joke, but it still gave me the ick.

Also it was another infatuation-at-first-sight situation like Donnie which. Is a romantic trope that is So Stupid, you CANNOT tell me that's how it actually works, I don't believe you, and also it makes for stupid, boring writing. So there.

Ahem.

Once you get past that, there’s points to be made for both episodes. The way the 2003 turtles find Renet just kind of tiring but can’t help going along with her anyways is very funny to me, but 2012 lets them do Tales of the Yokai, and I enjoy the concept of them getting to see what Actually Happened Back Then, rather than just hearing subjective stories of it. Adds some texture.

I dunno on this one – if it’s Time Travails vs Turtles in Time, 2003 wins, but once you move on to Tale of the Yokai I give it to 2012. Call it a draw?

Loosely inspired by

Okay. So. These are things where I can’t say “Oh, they were just doing this story again”, but where I think there might have been some heavy inspiration. Your mileage may very on these, and you could think I’m completely wrong, but I thought they’d be interested to talk about.

Even if they are from Back to the Sewers.

The Engagement Ring to The Power Within Her

April gets magic jewelry that possesses her, goes on a rampage? Admittedly, the set-up is very different, as is the tone, but... well, you have to wonder.

I thought The Engagement Ring was one of the better episodes of Back to the Sewers, but as entertaining as it was, I’m still going to give this to 2012, I think. I like things that have more build-up to them, and they did pretty good at setting up this episode ahead of time, building up that dread. And it just did more with the concept, you know?

Also, it fit well into my interpretation/re-write of April’s character, so.

Identity Crisis to Brain Worms

I mean. Turtles get brain-washed by the Foot, have to be broken out of it by being reminded of memories/who they were. Methodology of the brainwashing is very different, admittedly, which is why I put this down here rather than in the main section! But it’s similar enough for me to connect them.

This is another situation where I think 2012 took a concept and further developed it. The brain worms are fantastically gruesome, and really treated like the existential horror it should be. The amount of fics I’ve seen expanding on the brain-worms concept is proof of how it hooks in people’s brains.

Another point to 2012.

Conclusion

So let’s run a tally.

I'm not sure the two Back to the Sewer episodes count, but I also maybe have broken my rule on the farmhouse arc... I guess we could count those as half points?

Casey Intro: Draw

Window: point 2012

Farmhouse: half-point 2003

Lost triceraton: point 2003

Gladiator arena: Point 2003

City at War: point 2003

Leatherhead intro: point 2012

Renet: Draw

Losely inspired: cumulative point 2012

So that's... 3.5 for 2003, 3 for 2012, and two draws? Pretty close.

Realistically, I think these should be the two takeaways from my opinions:

First, 2003 better matches my personal tastes. I'm a character arc girly, and 2003 gave a lot more attention to that aspect of their writing than 2012 did, and that affects my opinions. See: the Vision Quest rant.

Second, what makes 2012 good is the stuff that’s specific to its iteration.

The way they adapted the Hamato Yoshi backstory from 2003 to be about Splinter and Shredder, making Karai Splinter’s stolen daughter, and how that whole plot line plays out. The way they make the Kraang a whole organization, and their alliance with Shredder. The full season, Rube-Goldberg machine buildup of plot. These are all the thing that make it excel.

So... yeah. That's my thoughts. Your opinions might be different, and - if you're nice about it, please - I would love to hear your thoughts on what I've said, which episodes you like better, and why you like them! Shows hit different people, well, differently!

#subjective opinions ahoy!#seriously though I think this comes down to what you like in a story/your history with the series/where and how you first watched them/ect #but it was fun to think through #and also get the vision quest rant off my chest ahahah #tmnt #tmnt 2012 #tmnt 2003 #yza talks about a thing

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