#i've been keeping up with it i'm just kind of burned out on comics

[greensagephase]

Just realized how much I love the way you write your Miguel. Like instead of oversexualizing, making him animalistic or just straight up a dick (even tho he kindof is sometimes, let's be honest-)

I just love how you dive in his current trauma (not too long ago his mom got zombified like marvel give bro a break plz), include trust issues and his mental problems, while not breaking his character. You made him stubborn, a little proud, but still show slight vulnerability, and so many unsaid words. Hell, you might be one of the best Miguel writers I've ever seen on here!

I love the slow burn in NC, it makes Miguel seem more like a real person, with unbearable trauma and trust issues, who's main way to 'cope' is "by leading a society of Peter Parkers who can't pay their rent on time" (from the ATSV artbook), and as someone with a mental health too similar to Miguel's I can see myself in him (THAT'S A COMPLIMENT) with a slow build of trust

While I sometimes do enjoy a bit of smut, most of the time, it's too fast. Too quick, like- CALM DOWN LADIES (and gents), I DON'T THINK MIGUEL'S GONNA EAT YOU OUT ON THE COUNTER IN THE KITCHEN LIKE EMPANADAS

ALSO DID U KNO HE'S BI???

Hiii, Dino!!! Thank you for the ask, pookie!! 🥰 Also, I'm sorry for taking a few days to answer your ask. I took a few days off tumblr due to life :))

But omg, thank you!! I appreciate the kind words so much, and I’m happy that you love NC!Miguel and the slow burn! 🥹 Also, I’m glad you appreciate the acknowledgement of Miguel’s issues, traumas, and mental state within the fic. I’m no expert; no psychologist nor professional writer, but as the story expanded, I decided that I’d like to dive into Miguel’s story a little more, this being a Spider-Man Miguel fic after all, and one that’s attempting to portray Miguel as realistic as possible (or at least the way I see him and think he’d be like), so that entails including his issues, traumas, and mental state, too.

I know this has led to some chapters being a little delicate, overwhelming, and/or sad (and I’m sorry to anyone who has ever felt down or cried reading NC because they resonated with this content, or the emotions got a little too much. This has never been my intention ):), but I believe it’s important to address, especially because his issues, traumas, and mental state overall are big contributors to his behaviour and mindset in ATSV. As I said, I’m no expert, but just from what I learned in college and have learned throughout the years with personal experiences (seen close people dealing with similar issues like those Miguel has faced and is facing), I know healing from such traumas is important to move forward with life. I also know it takes time, which is a big reason why this fic is a slow burn.

I want Miguel to find himself in a healthy and positive mindset, learn to trust others, and know that he is worthy of love and friendships before he finds himself in a romantic relationship. I’ve yapped too much, but I’m glad that you appreciate that, even though these can be sensitive themes/discussions. Thank you! Also, I’m touched that you can see yourself in NC!Miguel and how he slowly begins to allow himself to trust someone. I hope that as the story progresses, you can continue to see yourself in him in a non-harmful way (I never wish to portray mental health negatively nor disrespect/offend someone)! 💖

And hehehe, your comment about the smut and empanadas has me laughing! 🤣 But I hope you can find more fics with a slower pace regarding that aspect though! I know there’s awesome and talented writers who continue to write for Miguel on here that feed my delusions about this man and post very regularly (thank you Miguel writers - ily 🥰), so keep your eyes open and support what you enjoy reading!!

ALSO, yes, but also no?? I saw a tweet a very long time ago of Oscar Isaac apparently saying Miguel was bi, but idk if it’s canon because I haven’t read any of the comics 😞 (all the plot lines within NC that align with the comics have been researched from other sources). Is it confirmed in the comics? :))

Thank you so much for the ask!! I hope you’re having a great day/night, Dino!! Pls take care!! 🫶🏼💖

Alondra❤️

[macgargan]

Hi!! I recently caught up with Miles Morales #1-6 and Carnage Reigns: Alpha, and in the latest couple issues I was really really impressed with how Ziglar writes Mac! It was actually super satisfying to see and he's the first writer in forever who actually seems invested in driving Mac's story forward in tandem with Miles.

Out of curiosity, have you read it yourself? Do you have any thoughts?

I have been keeping up with Mac & Miles' journey, and I'm tentatively invested! Ever since Absolute Carnage, I've thought it would be nice to see Mac & Miles in exactly the sort of relationship they're building up currently with Carnage Reigns and Miles Morales, so it's been a treat to read.

This whole exchange, for example, just feels so right for how I want to see Mac as a character act.

That being said, comics giveth and they taketh away, especially Spider-Man comics. I'm not expecting this to have any sort of satisfying conclusion or to stay consistent, but I'm enjoying the ride while it lasts.

[johannestevans]

what's really fun about embracing batman's antics as a parallel or representative to BDSM culture is like. the doylist explanation is that the secret identities are such a large part of the plots

but from the watsonian perspective, why does no one pull off each other's mask?

why don't the villains pull off batman's mask? not just during a physical fight, but during the others - when scarecrow knocks him out with poison, when the riddler knocks his head in to put an exploding collar on him, when the joker drugs him so he can do his weird shit to him?

why do none of them pull batman's mask off during regular fights, unless the pulling off his mask is SPECIFICALLY a plot point of the comic? why doesn't batman pull off bane's mask, or catwoman's?

why in gotham do people generally let other people keep their masks on?

unless it's a specific plot point of the story, as i said, in general everyone - both villains and heroes - respects the other side's anonymity to a certain extent. the villain is only unmasked once they are caught and apprehended, the hero almost never

and it's because like. the masks are part of it, right. their identities are part of it. both villains and heroes engage in these personas to represent parts of their identities that are otherwise stunted or repressed

where the likes of wonderwoman and superman appear in their superheroic antics unmasked - implying that THESE are their "true" identities, implying that there is little artifice to them - batman is an alterego of another man

and yet, as many kinksters will tell you, a mask does not necessarily create the repression your real face does. wearing a mask or a disguise or costume can, in fact, strip away layers of artifice - as it does in the soul of batman

batman is cold where bruce wayne often doesn't permit himself to be. batman laughs at joker's or other freaks' jokes sometimes, and makes dry - dark - quips of his own.

batman goes out in the rain and beats people up, and craves to be beaten up in return.

and yet he doesn't tear anyone's mask off - and for the most part, they don't go for his. joker even comments on it in some things, talks about how it would ruin the game if he unmasked him, and that in itself is a sort of metacommentary on what i'm discussing here

as i've said before, all superheroes are kind of gay, and kind of kinky, because what they do - being in the closet and having a secret identity; having a special costume and/or mask and/or powers that you don't usually have when closeted, etc - but here like

there is an implicit boundary here between superheroes and supervillains where they don't cross this line, and it's to do with maintaining the sanctity of the "space" in which they're "playing" (not playing) together. they maintain their respective identities to maintain the vibe

the villain is unmasked when they are apprehended because that marks the end of play, in which their identity is stripped from them as punishment for being apprehended; the hero is unmasked when the villain wishes to graduate the level of pain and/or remove them from the space

this tbh is also why i love so much when like. the joker makeup is literally burned into his face and is just Like That now - it's the idea that this was once or WOULD HAVE once been an alterego, but it is now permanent whether he likes it or not

because the fundamental point of the joker is that he can't stop, won't stop, because he is so devoted and so deep in his villainy - and that while batman and bruce wayne are a few identities deep, he might as well always be wearing the cowl, even though ppl can't see it

[starry-bi-sky]

Clone^2 Damian

If you really think about, Damian's situation in the clone^2 au is... kinda tragic? Especially in the early months of his arrival. Like,,, think about it. Damian has always known he was a clone of Damian Wayne, that he was a copy of the blood son. There was nothing 'original' about him, not even his name (of which at least Danny has that). He was just... a replacement. A disposable one, to boot.

And he knew that, to an extent, by the time he was six years old. he might not have been actively acknowledging it -- he's six years old -- but deep down he knew. And like, he's six years old. Every small child craves the love and affection of an adult, especially their parents, and even though he knew he was clone, I imagine he still considered - and still does consider, somewhat - Talia and Bruce as his mother and father. And I really doubt he was... getting it?

Now, I know Talia loves Damian, her son. At least in some interpretations she does, and in this au she does. But... a clone of her son? I'm not so certain if she would have the same affection for baby Dames as she would for Damian. I don't think she would treat him badly, but I don't think Talia would treat him warmly either. Kinda just, distant. Colder than she would have been with OG Damian.

And, I know I've mentioned Damian's arrival from Danny's point of view, and its kind of comical kind of insane from his perspective -- a little boy clone of Damian Wayne falls through a portal and immediately attacks him. That sounds like a bad joke.

But, if you think of this from Damian's point of view? It's like he just got dropped into a scary movie. Like, think about it. You're six years old, and suddenly a portal, as green and as swirling as your grandfather's pools, opens up beneath your feet and sucks you through.

After an intense bout of vertigo, you end up in a massive, urban city -- completely different from the rural mountain palace that you lived in for the last six years of your life, and in this city, you don't know any of the language. You don't know what anyone is saying, you can't read any of the signs - you are completely stranded, away from home.

And then, to make things worse, you're facing a figure with a terrifying mask and eyes as burning green as the portal you fell through. Of course Damian's first instinct, six years old, is to attack. He's terrified.

And this figure, he's not a good fighter, but he's fast, and he dodges you quickly. He grabs your sword with his hands, and tries to restrain you, saying something in a language you don't know. Naturally, Damian is just scared. He's six! He'd just be learning how to read if he was normal child going to school.

This figure halfway through the fight yanks off his mask -- he realizes you're scared -- and looking at you now, is a youthful version of your father. This is a clone of your dad, someone you have never met but, six years old, still wants to. Damian gets defensive. This is an imposter.

But this imposter eventually gets you home with him - and he's using his little box, his phone, to communicate with you through a mechanical voice speaking in arabic. and it's frustrating. The boy, the imposter, can say whatever to you just fine, but trying to talk back is a hassle and a half. He's six, he doesn't have that much patience.

He wants to go home.

And so he keeps trying to run away. He keeps trying to find out of this hellish concrete jungle, and he keeps getting lost. It's loud, and busy, and there are people talking to you and you don't understand them, and there are rules and signs you don't understand - Damian tries to cross the street and nearly gets hit by a car. He doesn't know how the road signs work, he was never taught. They didn't get to that.

And he gets lost. And it gets dark, and Damian is brave, but he is six, and this is the worst stress he's been under in all his six years of life. He wants, desperately more than anything, to go home. Why wouldn't he? The only stable... semi-stable environment he was in just got ripped out from under his feet, literally! He wants his mother.

And it's not happening.

But there's something good to be said, at least. The imposter that looks like his father always comes and finds him, no matter what. He could have left that morning, and he will find Damian at midnight, frazzled and worried, and carrying an extra jacket with him because it is cold in Amity Park and Damian is six years old.

And sometimes Damian attacks him - he's scared and stressed and he doesn't want to be here. And every time he catches the sword. Even though Damian can see it cut into his hand and pearls of blood well up and stains his fingers. Even though Damian can see him wince in pain and bite his lip, he still catches it.

But with that little box, he coaxes Damian to come back with him. It's cold, it's dark, Amity Park is unsafe at night. They can figure something out tomorrow, please. And every time, he agrees, reluctantly. And the imposter takes the extra jacket he brought with -- a flannel, a hoodie, a jacket -- and he wraps it around him. It's warm, Damian's clothes are not that thick, and even though he thinks he might hate this imposter, he still sticks close to his legs as he leads him down the street.

And sometimes the imposter carries him, because Damian's shoes are not that thick, and he cuts his foot on broken glass while they're walking home. The imposter sits in the bathroom with him and carefully cleans the cut out, and makes sure it doesn't get infected.

There's hope you know, he still has it. His mother will be looking for him. She'll be worried. He's important to them. Damian may not be the original, but he is still a blood son. He is still her son. She will come find him. This nightmare will end soon. He can go home.

And then weeks pass, and nothing. Then months, and nothing. His family is not coming for him, and it hurts. Hurts more than anything. And yet while that happens, the boy he's attacked, and hurt, teaches himself arabic in order to speak to him. He takes Damian out of the house one afternoon and buys him new clothes, or tries to. And then he keeps buying him new clothes. He gives him blankets and gives up his bed to him until they can get him one himself, and steadily he teaches Damian english.

This boy is kind. Kinder than Damian's ever experienced, and he doesn't know what to do with it. He's devastated by the fact that he is not as important to his family as his family is to him. What do you do when you're six years old and you learn something like that? When a random stranger who looks like your father is kinder to you, and cares more about you than your family did?

And then Damian tells him he's a clone. He's Damian Wayne's clone, and he tells him his purpose - that their grandfather made him to kill him. And the boy, the imposter, Damian thinks he probably already knows that he's a clone. But he doesn't say that. He just nods, and asks him if he wants to tell his original about him.

Damian says no. He doesn't want to. He's tired of living in the shadow of his original. He wants to keep this to himself. This is his. For once, all of this is his.

And to his surprise, the imposter doesn't try and convince him otherwise. He just nods, and says okay. And when Damian asks why, the imposter - his brother - looks at him and says.

"I don't care about Damian Wayne. I care about you." And in Damian's gobsmacked silence, his brother continues. He tells him that if Damian doesn't want to tell his original that he exists, then they don't need to. They don't need to worry about the LoA going after him, because clearly if his 'grandfather' needs to make a clone of Damian in order to take him out, then whatever it was that Damian Wayne was doing to keep himself safe, was working.

"Wayne already has people in his corner, he's got Gotham's army of vigilantes to keep himself safe." his brother says with his eyes as blue as moonlight. "You, however. Do not." And he continues, and says that if Damian Wayne has the same training as Damian does, then he will be fine. He doesn't need to be aware of his clone. Because if DW doesn't know about Damian, then the LoA doesn't either.

And here's the thing. Damian would not have survived in the LoA for long. Not as a clone. No matter what, he was going to die no matter what he did, and sooner rather than later. The sword of Damocles was always hanging above his head in the League of Assassins.

That portal, and meeting Danny, saved his life. There's no way around it. And to an extent Damian knows this even at six years old. He may not be aware that he would've died, but he knows that meeting Danny was the best thing to happen to him.

It's no wonder after that, that Damian is as clingy to Danny as he is. Danny is the first person he's met to offer him unconditional love, with no strings attached, only pure affection.

[comicaurora]

Hello! I wanted to send my appreciation to you as a longtime fan of OSP and Auroura! I am an English Major with ADHD and your content always makes me inspired and my English Lit. Brain very happy with how good your storytelling is.

My question is what stories inspire you to write or make you want to sit down and tell a story? Your content makes me want to work on my projects, but my Adhd only last as long as I am not disturbed (i.e. need to eat or get up and move). You have always been upfront about your Adhd so my second question is how do you keep focused on your story and not burn out? (Talking as someone who is writing a novel as their thesis)

You have been a great inspiration over the years and someone I look up to as a storyteller! I wish you focus and luck! => 💝

Woo! Interesting questions!

When it comes to inspiration, I haven't really found a pattern for what works and what doesn't. The majority of the time, only new experiences/stories I haven't seen or read before work for me - rewatches and re-reads, while much more comfortable for my brain, don't tend to translate into creative inspiration for me - but it's not like a specific genre, or even a specific kind of relaxation, consistently work for me.

The way my brain works is a bit "no take only throw", as it were. I want to just sit down and make solid, steady progress in a predictable environment with a routine, but what I need is to try new things, go outside, take risks - because all those things give me new material to work with and refill the creative gas tank. When I'm stuck, I can't just hit the gas and punch through the block - I need to back up and try a new angle.

The good part of all this is that whatever engine that's running my subconscious is actually pretty good at signaling what it needs. The ADHD brain will be repelled by activities that aren't working for it and drawn to the things it needs at the time, whether that's creative energy or exercise or cleaning or doodling or listening to music or suddenly binge-watching a show that's not even all that great, and once it's got what it needs out of it - whatever that is - it'll be repelled again, either spitting out a sudden burst of creative energy or retreating to its den to chew on whatever it got out of the experience for a more slow-building reward. Little bursts of motivation and creativity pop up all throughout the day, and if you can pivot to the activity in question - or at least note down the idea you just had - you'll be able to harness that pretty nicely.

This "system" really only works for me because I have an extremely unstructured schedule and nobody relying on me to be consistent moment-to-moment. If I'm following the creative needs of my inscrutable Better Writer In The Back Of My Head, I can't be worrying about things like a consistent lunchtime or classes or a 9-to-5. All of my observations are caveat'd by the fact that I am ridiculously lucky to have the kind of freedom of movement and schedule that I can focus entirely on getting to know my brain better.

When it comes to staying focused on any one project, I've reluctantly concluded that the only way to win is not to play. Creativity needs time and diversity to recharge, and when you stall out in any given work session, it's usually because you're out of gas. This is why I maintain several projects in varying stages of "for my eyes only"-ness - a sketchbook, private writing projects, patreon doodles, music practice; even in the large-scale projects like the channel and the comic I have multiple angles of attack at any given time, where I can as needed switch between scripting, research, drawing frames, storyboarding more plot onto the end of the comic's current draft and lining/coloring/background-ing the finalized pages of the comic chapters earlier. This lets me maintain semi-steady progress on average, even if any one facet of the process is left by the wayside for potentially even weeks at a time.

If you're working on one writing project, one novel, I'd recommend giving yourself some time to do small-scale side-hobbies. It won't feel like they're helping, but they are.

I've started to think of inspiration rather similarly to the way I think about nutrition and digestion. It's a somewhat arcane process that, despite being a part of me, I don't exactly understand what's going on under the hood. If you eat only one thing, no matter what that one thing is, you're going to end up sick because you're lacking all sorts of niche micronutrients. If you parcel out a specific space of the only things you're allowed to eat, you might not get sick (as quickly) but you're likely going to become increasingly miserable as you think of the things you're not allowing yourself to try, or slowly build up highly specific forms of malnourishment by avoiding certain things entirely. But if you start listening to your body and try eating what it says it needs at any given time - oh, I could go for a rice bowl right now, oh I don't think I'm feeling something sugary today, man I could really go for some grapes - you're likely to hit a broadly good balance of health because you're hitting a broad range of things your body needs, even if you don't know all of their names or calorie counts, and your body is putting those resources to good use without your conscious input. Between my brain and my stomach, I only trust one of those to actually understand what a stomach needs to do its thing - and between me and my creative brain, most of the time it feels like I just work here.

I hope there was something helpful in all this!

[signanothername]

I haven't stopped thinking about when you made that comic about Killer healing and there was one panel with Dream that said something along the lines of

'His fire burned out a long time ago, but he's still going' (that's so wrong I'm sorry I forgot)

and Dream is such a beautiful character to me and it just like. Struck something in my brain and I've been writing and drawing him nonstop now...

like yeah, he's fucked up dude 😭 but despite it all he hasn't given up and that's so beautiful to me that he keeps going and stuff

I was going to put this into prettier words but failed, sorry for ranting </3

The comic Boris is referring to <3

And no like that’s genuinely one of the reasons Dream is my absolute beloved

Cause in a sense, so many of us are like Dream, we’re burned out and we’re tired and life keeps kicking our asses but we try our hardest and keep going anyway, Dream tries to be the best he can be and looks to be genuinely helpful and kind in a cruel world even when he genuinely just needs a rest y’know?

Not that I think anyone should feel the need to keep going in the sense that, it’s ok to sometimes slow down or stop, life isn’t worth that much of a fuss, sometimes it’s ok to say “fuck you life” and just do whatever makes us happy without worrying about what life has in store for us, cause in reality, life doesn’t control us, we control it, it’s up to you whether to worry yourself about every little thing that happens or to put your own wellbeing first

That’s why I’m planning some comics with Dream in which he takes a much needed rest, cause he deserves to give himself a break, he deserves to heal, he deserves to sit down and process his own trauma and emotions (so does Nightmare) instead of chasing life around

But yeah, I genuinely adore Dream for his character and persistence, he just does his best, even when he makes mistakes, cause he’s learning as time goes on :D

(​and don’t be sorry it’s ok words are really hard, believe me i know as I suffer putting them together dhhdhdhhd)

[beesmygod]

OK, I feel a bit better then, haha. I'm a hobbyist (always have been, always will be - I just know I'm not good enough at marketing to Make It so I have a proper day job) and I feel like it's very wonderful, as an idea, to work to make it as an artist for a living, but I just... I see former peers of mine who just sell nothing but ripoff merch of popular franchises (think Dead by Daylight, Scream, etc) and I just think, is this really what you're all about? And I keep seeing people STILL continue to upload comics to Webtoons, Tapas, and so on, complaining about how much they hate these companies and yet they still stay shackled to them - no effort to try out places like GlobalComix, Comicfury or even make their own sites. They'd rather complain about how no place is safe for artists without even trying to forge it into the wilderness of the internet and MAKE places safer for artists. And the first step is leaving these places. If people don't follow you, ask yourself whether or not it's truly a loss. Every time a Twitter artist complains about Twitter smothering their reach and how evil Elon Musk is without choosing to leave, all I can think is that it's just performative anger. The thing they are maddest about is the threat to their bottom line. And I just don't know how you'd differentiate yourself from other capitalistic creative endeavors like Disney or Marvel: willing to give up on any kind of scruples, artistically or morally, just to make a buck. Ugh.

i just want to say you're preaching to the choir. all of this is stuff i've thought to myself and out loud a million times and no one cares. additionally, as a 90s kid, the ability to actually make money as an artist is an incredibly new development; this was basically impossible up until like 2013. this new economy is/was predicated on maintaining a relationship of respect and trust between audience and artist and now people are burning as much goodwill as humanly possible because they aren't making the living wage they think they're entitled to when their financial supporters live off tips and second jobs.

[bedlamsbard]

I know this is kind of out of nowhere but for the longest time I was super weird and mentally dismissive of your burning out of Star Wars because I was someone who survived the OEU's insanity back in the day and managed not to burn out of Star Wars in the face of ridiculous nonsense like the Yuuzhan Vong and Killiks, so if I could survive that, you were of course entitled to dislike Star Wars but I still found it silly. Anyway I just finished watching Tales of the Jedi(Resolve) and I Get It Now.

...I recognise that may not be the most hinged thing to say to someone I don't actually know, and apologise for my mild to moderate insanity; I slept three hours, am very sick, it's shark week, and my brain seized on you as someone who'd Get It and who I had been hard on in my thoughts in the past, but, like, none of that actually affected you until I randomly said it? So anyway sorry for babbling at you like that lmfao, I'll stop talking now

Okay. I've been thinking about these since I saw them; I saw the first one before the second one arrived, which was a hell of a thing to wake up to since I saw it first thing in the morning. While my usual policy is to leave messages along these lines in my inbox, I was genuinely upset and wanted to respond once I had a more coherent reaction than "why me, gods, why does this always happen to me."

So, first of all, I'm sorry that you had an installment in canon that didn't do it for you; it happens to the best of us and there are very few people in fandom who uncritically (or even critically) enjoy everything in canon, especially in a fandom as big and long-running as Star Wars.

It's also very common for people to fall out of love with a fandom, even a fandom they've been in for a very long time; I would say that fen who have consistently been in one fandom for an extended period of time are probably rarer than those who haven't. It's not always because there is one installment that is just The Worst; often that's just a tipping point for fen who have been on the edge for a while. (Ask your average former MCU fan who left after Avengers Endgame.) Other times fen just drift away from a fandom without a reason to push them out. Maybe their favorite characters have died, maybe the canon is no longer telling stories they're interested in even if none of those stories are "bad," maybe it's a closed canon and without new stories there's nothing to keep them there; there's any number of factors.

I had a very dramatic breakup with Star Wars three years ago, and it was about three years after I really should have gotten out of the fandom, because I had not been having a good time for a while at that point. And honestly, considering that I hadn't had a healthy relationship with either Star Wars or the fandom for a while before that, for various reasons that go well beyond what was happening in canon, arguably I should have gotten out even earlier. However, I'm monofannish to a fault and I really needed something that would actually kick me to a new fandom -- which meant it couldn't come from Star Wars.

I don't really dislike Star Wars as a whole. There are individual installments that I quite dislike, there are some that I still love, and the vast majority of Star Wars I'm neutral on. I do however have a very fucked up relationship with Star Wars, including the canon, the PTB, and the fandom itself. I have gotten regular abuse on Wake and Gambit for the past ten years, which really screwed up my relationship with AO3 and with the prequel era. There is canon that I really, really dislike, some of it because it personally does nothing for me (the ST), some of it because from my point of view, it completely fucked over a story I love (Rebels S4, TCW S7, some other stuff that contradicts stuff from the EU I love; I came out of the EU too), some of it because I just plain don't like it (THR, most of the comics), and some of it because watching it just plain made me feel like I was being gaslit, which is not something I say lightly (Mando is the worst offender, but there are others). A lot of these are problems that could come out of any fandom, especially a large, long-running, multi-media fandom; I know a lot of Marvel people who have very similar problems, though I think the scale tends to be slightly different there just because the canon is set up differently.

When I switched fandoms, I had to recalibrate my entire relationship to fandom, to canon, to AO3, and to how I interacted with all of them. I still have to check myself in most of those places because my relationship with Star Wars had screwed me up so much. I had to train myself into being able to post on AO3 again; I do talk regularly about how a lot of what I write is shaped by trying to avoid getting the kind of reactions I got and still get from my Star Wars fic, even years later. I have to make conscious decisions not to engage with every part of the canon without feeling like a failed fan, especially the installments I'm pretty sure I'll dislike, because I tried to do that in Star Wars and it regularly messed me up. As a cosplayer, I still have a fairly bad reaction to even seeing the word "approvable," and it took a while for me not to have a similar reaction to "screen-accurate." I'm still destashing most of my Star Wars merch and right now, my reaction to seeing new Marvel merch isn't "ooh, would I wear/use this?" it's "when I inevitably have a horrendous breakup with this fandom will I be able to resell it?" which is not a really healthy relationship to have with a fandom. (I have mostly moved off this but not entirely.) I knew that Star Wars had screwed my relationship with Disney World, when I had a panic attack on Guardians of the Galaxy: Cosmic Rewind because I was so terrified that it was going to be ~necessary canon, even though Marvel has never operated that way; Star Wars does with Galaxy's Edge, which I don't really like being in anymore either.

And yes, I'm aware all of these are an extreme overreaction to getting out of a fandom. I'm not happy about it either and I wish it wasn't happening. It's better now than it was a couple years ago and I'm frankly glad I'm not in the fandom anymore; I'm happy for people who are or who have gotten back into it and are having a good time. I am not one of them; I may some day be one again, but probably not anytime soon.

But even if I didn't have this specific fucked up relationship with Star Wars, a fandom I have not been in for three years at this point, sometimes people just burn out on a fandom. I'm not a CSI:NY fan anymore, either. (Which my last big fandom prior to Narnia, which I just drifted away from. I've only been in five big writing fandoms over twenty years.)

[romancomicsnews]

My Adventures with Superman brings Hope back to the Man of Steel - REVIEW Ep 1 & 2

*Spoilers for the first two episodes, now streaming on Max!*

Growing up, Superman always came off to me as a very nothing character. White bread. Good for the sake of good. Not funny like Spider-Man, not dark and cool like Batman, and too powerful to be in any real danger.

He was just there as the original cape and tights. He was important because he did it first, but that didn't make him interesting.

As I got older, and I read and saw him in more media, I realized the fun of Superman comes from the kindness. The hope he brings to those around him and that stable positive force is essential to the world and the Justice League. While he is the most powerful person in the room, because of who Clark is and his values, he's the person you fear the least.

He's gonna save your cat, he's gonna stop that burning building, and he's gonna get the bad guy, as unharmed as possible.

This is where the DCEU lost me, and where I think most Superman content does. That hope, that kindness, the gentle giant that Clark is has somehow been lost in translation.

While Henry Cavill is a great actor and can play the hopeful side, setting the tone of the movies as so dark and serious drained Superman of his charm.

Superman and Lois has done a good job bringing Clark's hopefulness back in moments, but the Zack Snyder DCEU feel coupled with the CW drama still keeps Superman and Lois pretty dark and dire.

While Hoechlin is a fantastic Superman, the world he inhabits has kept me wanting a true representation of the character I love.

Which is why My Adventures with Superman is such a breath of fresh air.

Let's start with Jack Quaid. Using such a pure sounding soul like Quaid to embody Clark was a stroke of genius. While he is known for playing good-ish characters like Hughie in The Boys and Peter Parker/ The Lizard in Across the Spider-Verse, Quaid does not coast on his past charms for Clark.

This character equally feels fresh, different from Quaid's past characters, and like a kid who is transitioning into the Man of Steel.

Whether he is struggling to flirt, scold Lois for lying, or fight a robot, Clark feels genuine, kind, and strong.

As Superman, Clark does not change into a scary, super powered god. Instead, he is trying to help the bad guy, clean up the messes, and rescue kittens from trees. While we only get a glimpse of his true Superman form at the end of episode 2, it is enough for me to get so excited that I'm typing this all out. This is the Superman I've been waiting for!

Rounding out the cast are Alice Lee and Ishmel Sahid as Lois Lane and Jimmy Olsen.

Lee has a quality not always perfectly emulated for Lois in my opinion, which is spunk. Moxie. She is so clearly the leader of the team for the Daily Planet. Couple that with her comedy timing and clear chemistry with Quaid, this may be the blueprint for Clark and Lois in the future.

While usually Lois is a made journalist by the time Clark shows up, starting them at equal footing is an interesting development. I'm hoping they use this to show just how quickly Lois Lane can rise the ranks against others.

While Sahid is utilized the least so far, conspiracy theorist comic relief Jimmy is equally charismatic and likable. He is a character I think the DCEU and CW didn't quite understand the value of, but this show clearly does. My hope is this character goes on to go on as wacky adventures as he does in the comics.

The chemistry between the three characters is very strong for the first couple of episodes. So much so I don't know if I'm more excited for more Lois and Clark romance, Clark and Jimmy bafoonery, or Lois and Jimmy investigating.

While the villains leave something to be desired in the first two episodes, the inclusion of overarching villains Deathstroke, Amanda Waller and General Lane lead me to believe they hope to build out this universe, at the very least into Batman.

If that is true, I am so in.

I can see a world where we have 3-4 different anime shows introducing key members of the Justice League, all leading up to an anime style movie where they fight Brainiac, with Jack Quaid's Superman at the center of it.

But perhaps I am getting way ahead of myself.

All in all, My Adventures with Superman has me excited for Fridays to come. It has heart, it has comedy, and it seems to understand the Last Son of Krypton better than most pieces of media.

This should be the blueprint for Superman Legacy.

A Superman who brings donuts for all his coworkers.

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[iraprince]

hi idk if this is a weird question but like. how do u Make Art with adhd? you mentioned in your comic that you struggled w various other creative hobbies, but like drawing feels to me always like the Big Bad Thing I Cannot Ever do. even tho i want to make it my career LOL

how'd you get past that?

not a weird question at all! this is actually a question i ask myself pretty much every day, bc generally my answer to "how do i make art with adhd" has always been: With Great Difficulty, lmfao.

it's hard! i am not always good at it! i made art my job bc i realistically couldn't imagine being truly happy with anything else; if that wasn't the case, i'm not sure i would be doing this. like, that ends up being a big divide between the hobbies mentioned in that comic vs art, which is something that it seems (according to viewing my online activity) i do "Consistently;" it is my career, so there's a level of like, urgency and necessity there that my hobbies don't have. which, like, obviously my advice is not "make it your job so that you HAVE to OR ELSE :)" because it doesn't work like that. i am spending an amount of time OR-ELSE-ing that i think might surprise ppl, and i am frankly very lucky that my wife is the primary provider for our family, because it gives me a safety net for when my brain makes a loud grinding noise and then belches a big cloud of smoke and i have to spend a week hitting it with a wrench.

ANYWAY. this is going to get long bc i have a lot of thoughts abt it. there's really no one answer to getting past it, and i am not "past it," i don't know if i think anyone ever can be! we can just try really hard to keep going in ways that won't burn us out. if i had to pull out the absolute #1 most important thing i've learned over the past few years, it is -- and i know this sounds like dumb corny bullshit but you really have to stay with me here -- being kind and patient with yourself.

i'm being so dead serious. if beating yourself up and freaking out and constantly agonizing over how much more you Could be drawing worked, you would be drawing right now. if beating ourselves up over our output worked, EVERYONE would be drawing ALL the time. it doesn't fucking work! it does not! do literally anything other than yelling at yourself. it's bullshit. it's fuckery. it does not work.

on the other hand, cultivating as much kindness and patience and compassion as i can muster -- saying, "well, it looks like i just don't have it today. that's okay, let's try again tomorrow," even if i'm saying it through clenched teeth and i don't really believe it -- THAT works, because it chips away at the idea of drawing being life or death. it's probably a very similar feeling to you describing art as The Big Bad Thing. of course if you hang all your self worth on it and let it become immense and dominating, it's going to be hard to interact with it! it's scary! it becomes easier to avoid it than to try to tackle it and then feel disappointed in yourself in a more active way (vs. just disappointed in yet another day where u didn't try). but every time i sigh and say "okay" when my brain is screaming and crying bc art just is not working, and i decide to rest and try again tomorrow, 1. it is easier to do a little bit of work the next day when i'm rested than it is to do ANY work when i chain myself to my desk for 9 hours and demand results, and 2. i learn that it is not the end of the world. it just isn't. and so art gets smaller, and less frightening, and it can just be my job (something i have to wrangle my adhd around just like anything else, like grocery shopping and keeping the house clean and keeping up with my friends) instead of some huge destructive boss battle with my identity hanging in the balance.

sometimes you have to talk to yourself like a little kid. if a little kid came to you upset and was like "i wanna draw but i just can't. i don't know why." you would (hopefully) not be like, "whatever, i guess you're just not cut out for it then!" or whatever other mean shit we say to ourselves when we can't draw. you would be like, "well, okay. do you want me to sit with you? how do we start? where's some stuff we can draw with? hm, i can't really think of what to draw either. did you see anything pretty or cool today? let's just draw some shapes." etc etc. and if the kid got frustrated and it still wasn't working you'd be like, you know what, that was a good try. let's have some lunch and try again later. and you deserve that same level of patience, and that level of CURIOUS problem-solving ("what can we try? what might be easier?") instead of, like, adversarial/blame-assigning problem solving ("what the fuck is the matter with you? why can't you just do it?")

also, shaking things up!! one of the most frustrating things abt adhd for me is i'll find a new strategy that Works, but it only works for like, two weeks or whatever, and then it stops working and i have to do something else. i have had a way better time just accepting that that's how things work vs thinking of these cycles as "failures."

if i start dreading working at my desk, i throw a block of printer paper onto a clip board and work on the couch for a few weeks. when that stops working, i get back on drawpile and do all my warmup sketches on an interactive canvas, with strangers around me (virtual coffeeshop lol?). when i get tired of that, then maybe i'm ready to be alone with clip studio again. nope, still not working? okay, let's stream while i'm working for a while then. let's start drawing differently. let's change the background color i draw on. just, like, i keep shaking things up to see if maybe i can trick my brain into feeling like we're doing something totally new for a while, and a lot of the times it works, and when it does not work i am not an asshole to myself, which is, as i keep reiterating, super vital.

when i make the most art is when i get super excited about something and i let myself go apeshit. (there's a reason my guild wars 2 stuff is corralled on a sideblog lmao.) when commissions start grinding to a halt for me, a lot of times it's bc i've let them become Tasks on a to-do list instead of remembering that each piece is a DRAWING; it can help for me to sit down and go through each piece in my queue and really look at it, and remind myself that these are DRAWINGS and i LOVE drawing, and to point out to myself stuff in the wip that i like, and stuff i'm excited to draw the next time i work on it. it's very easy to flatten stuff into just An Obligation if you stress too much about it, but it's very helpful to slow down and step back and remind yourself WHY you care that much. it's not just bc you have to.

i don't really want this to get much longer than it already is, especially when i don't really have concrete tips so much as rambling opinions and examples of stuff that Kind Of works for me Sometimes. i think the tldr is: relax, be nice, keep it fresh. i hope at least some of this is helpful!

[latent-thoughts]

I keep thinking about that post about Loki possibly returning for Avengers 5 and Secret Wars, and while mainly I'm rolling my eyes and internally screaming "please, no more", a part of me is bitterly laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. Like, really?? How many "one more time"s does he need? How many "one more time"s do they need to do the same thing over and over to him? Have they not sent their message about how they all feel about him, loud and clear?

I also keep thinking about Tom's quotes in the article. He says, "Loki is a splendid torch which I've got hold of for the moment".... but didn't the show already make it painfully clear that Loki was out and Sylvie was in? That Loki was lame and Sylvie is bigger better badder, yadda yadda yadda? Why do we need a rehash of that? Are they going to literally have a "torch passing" ceremony, where Loki passes a torch to Sylvie (except he stumbles and falls and immediately starts crying, of course!)?

And he also says, "and I want to make it burn as brightly as I can before passing it on to future generations".... but wasn't the show supposed to be the end-all beat-all of Loki and the extent of his powers? What could be better than Loki bound up in a tree for all eternity, alone, exiled, isolated, and crying, keeping that tree watered forever with his never-ending stream of tears? Is Tom secretly implying that the ending of the series actually sucked? Would he DARE to do that?!?! Wouldn't anything else be an insult to the brilliance and creativity and hard work that was The Ending Of That Show?? And also, is he really so naive to think that any writer or director would actually allow HIS Loki to even be a fraction as powerful as we all know Loki is supposed to be?? Oh Tom, please!!!

Sorry for the sarcasm overdose, but I'm just so done. It's comic relief to me now. I don't think anything they could do could make me care again. (But the sad thing is, I WANT to care again! 😭) They are just beating a decomposing corpse of a dead horse now. But I will say, it is interesting that he said "for future generations", seemingly implying the next torch bearer will be younger? Sylvie Di Martino, or whatever her name is, is not that young. I think she's at least dragging 35 behind her on a trailer hitch, so maybe they will bring on Kid Loki? I wouldn't really care either way, but at least Kid Loki would give me some kind of peace. I will NEVER call Sylvie Loki. NEVER. Not after how obnoxious they all were about her. The writers/directors had a chance to build a bridge with the Loki fandom, but they burned it instead. So, no.

Well, anyway, Avengers 5 is a long time away. There's no script, no director, and even after that it will probably undergo at least 2 years of rewrites, so we have a long time to not think about it.

And God bless you if you actually made it through all of this!! I wish you all the best, and love and comfort and peace @latent-thoughts !

❤️❤️❤️

I feel ya, Anon. *HUGS*

Also, I've stopped reading or listening to anything Tom says these days. He's nothing like the Tom of 10-12 yrs ago, which I mourn. Because he seems to have forgotten everything about Loki from that time, including every detail and input he himself put into Loki. It's like he has been supplanted by a Disney-Marvel bot. 😔

Whatever they'd do with Loki in future, I know it's not going to be good. I had some hope prior to the series, but it was crushed in the end. Loki isn't the Loki he used to be from the 2011-2013 era, he's unrecognisable. I just call him Larry in my head.

Hence, I'm done with Marvel now (I assume most of his original fans are as well). They can keep announcing that Loki will be in their future projects, because he's their cash cow, but we're disillusioned and over it.

Personally, I'm simply bunking in the 2011-2013 era. The fics are good there. And my imagination is limitless. 🥹

~Latent-Thoughts

[lakesbian]

what... what happened to monster pulse...

>looking online for webcomics to read >find this one called monster pulse that has apparently already been completed and looks like it has an interesting premise >start reading >over the course of years of updates the art becomes better and better and the narrative improves significantly, the character dynamics are meaningful and nuanced and interesting, all of the plot threads come together really well over time and i have absolutely no memorable complaints with the writing >there's a funny april fool's update where the comic is briefly written as if it were a worse/more generic action strip with cheaper writing >the character i was kind of wishfully envisioning getting baby butch vibes from at the start of the story even begins actually dressing in boys clothes and her new design is really cute and endearing >suspicious at first because i've been burned before but her relationship to gender is well written >i have high hopes of lesbianism at first because she turns down a boy in a weirdgirl way but they even manage to sell me on her liking a boy because of a well-written conversation w/ her crush where she talks about liking being bald because she's just, like, completely outside of beauty and it's not something she has to worry about living up to she can just Be Herself >plot starts wrapping up and i'm like great all they have to do is stick a solid 7/10 on the landing and it's a highly recommendable webcomic >plot reaches fantastic natural endpoint 10/10 > > >IT KEEPS GOING >utterly merciless character assassinations one after another ive dedicated hours to this ive gotten so cheerful and hopeful about it and now i crumble into devastation as i announce each subsequent assassination i'm talking character arcs that spent the entire long ass webcomic being built up being entirely subverted out of fucking nowhere. it's like liveblogging an 80-car pileup. gnc girl has suddenly magically decided that actually she just needed to recognize that she could be beautiful even while bald and has put on a cartoonishly pink skirt and bunny hoodie. protagonist who has an incredibly complicated relationship to her heart monster goes from genuinely debating letting her die to "i wouldnt give her up for ANYTHING <333" power of friendship for no apparent reason. etc. etc. to quote myself in the moment "to be clear about the scope of fuckupery here they Character Assassinated the masc girl and it's actually only the third or fourth worst mistake." <- briefly after this message i bumped it down to Fifth worst mistake. character with her brain as her monster has an entire arc where the point is another character learning they can't "save" her from her monster because she is her brain/they need to think more carefully about what they perceive as the "real" her ends up concluding her arc by out of fucking nowhere saying "ive let my real self lie dormant" Et Cetera. >genuinely entirely reminiscent of the prior bad-on-purpose april fools strip but like unironically with no self awareness >never even adequately summarized what was wrong w it in a coherent write up because i was too mad to think about it for more than 3.4 seconds at a time >i hope the fences we mended. fall down beneath their own weight. and i h

[polarsirens]

Your Gerard and Elody art, the one about Elody finding Gerard's body, has been stuck in my head every since I first saw it, and now in the wake of this week's ep, OOF OOF OOF. Congratulations on being psychic I guess?

And I've haven't been able to stop thinking about how Elody is unlike all the other princess, in that she never gets cursed or hurt or anything like that in her story (sidebar that at least in some origins, La Bete was cursed into her monstrous form for being rude to a fairy). Like, Elody's life is full of tragedies, but none of those tragedies have to do with her story. And I'm thinking about how if she's joined the princesses in trying to burn down not just the world but the multiverse, so that her story can never hurt anyone again, it's not for her own sake, because she's not the one who gets hurt.

And then I think about her finding Gerard's body. And Gerard saying that knowing she was out there was the only reason he was able to keep fighting instead of giving up. And how she hears that and just--has to leave. And take a moment to process that.

Like. We won't know what she's thinking until next week (or later but god I hope not). But ESPECIALLY after your art about their conversation, there's a picture forming in my head of what Elody's thinking about, and what she's been working towards and why, and how she's feeling after that conversation with Gerard, and it HURTS.

oh yeah that comic became the unexpected gift of prophesy coming back to dodgeball me in the face... ... thank you for this analysis on elody, i'm loving it! she is indeed never cursed or imprisoned or otherwise in a viscerally tragic situation. your suggestion that she's doing this because he cannot be safe around her is absolutely breaking my heart. that's... to quote rosamund, a terrible choice to make, and somehow made even worse because she's always been the one to save him or take care of him, hasn't she? and this is the final move in her trying to do what she once did by falling in love? that's devastating. that truly hurts.

and i also wonder about... well, what elody said in the most recent episode, i keep on mulling over how she also thought they, as prince and princess, were set on a happily ever after, because she was taught that way. but turns out things don't work like that, and she has a country to run, a war to wage, a husband to fall out of love with. and that's such a mundane and relatable tragedy, something akin to ylfa realizing that not every girl can be a princess. and that mundane tragedy takes on another layer because she's started to realize they are characters, and despite the infinitely harder things happening to her as the years go by, he will only ever be the prince who was a frog and she will only ever be the princess who kissed that frog with a true love's kiss. and as you said: "none of those tragedies have to do with her story." i wonder if her reaction (if, and a big if, she agrees with the princesses' plan) also stems from something close to the stepmother's motivation. and that would throw the gerard-elody relationship into a different kind of jeopardy.

[comicaurora]

If this is rude to ask please please ignore, this is from the perspective of someone in pre-planning stages of my own comic:

How long did it take you to shrink from the 30(?) page buffer I think you said you started with to 10 pages? I assume starting with that big buffer meant that this is less impactful to the comic and thus less stressful, but do you have breaks planned for yourself so you can re-up that backlog or do you intend to try to do it in-time with the comic? You're a powerhouse who I only ascribe to half the output of, but I'd love to know a little more about your backlog ethos. (When you have time of course!)

Heh, oh boy. The biggest bite got taken out of the buffer during Falst's intro arc. I had boarded something like a dozen pages when I decided I didn't like the direction they'd taken and I scrapped them back to blanks. I don't do this as a rule, but I could tell this one was a problem - I can't even remember why now, but there was something there that just wasn't working. I thus had a time-loss redoing those pages that made up the better part of a chapter, and my storyboard buffer shrank pretty significantly, though it's since recovered in a big way.

More of the buffer got worn down during the back half of the Zuurith arc and the Tynan fight, since every page was so complicated. Alongside the environmental fog and rain effects and the eight different kinds of glow, it was also a lot of characters on every page, and that increased the lineart and coloring time significantly. If I recall correctly, the buffer shrank to the low single digits a few times during that arc.

At some point I might take a break, but I kind of don't want to. I've kept up a solid pace this long and I don't wanna break my streak. I've been able to build the buffer back up to 20 pages before, but the problem is I tend to then take the following week or two off on the comic progress front because in my head I've made a good chunk of progress and thus should take a break. I'm getting better at incremental scene-by-scene progress, and I think chapter 20 is going to be good for rebuilding the buffer, because - spoiler alert - a lot of these scenes are one or two characters only, and most of them have fairly dark featureless backgrounds. I suspect I'll be able to get a healthy headstart just working through this chapter. This was my reward to myself for constantly making the Tynan fight increasingly complicated and ridiculous, and it's honestly a breath of fresh air to make these pages so much simpler.

My rule for comic-making is set a pace you can keep up. If you need to take a break, that's fine - my own unwillingness to do so is a me thing I'm working through. not a policy to emulate. I've been able to keep this up for three years with minimal buffer-loss, and as the story progresses my own art gets better and faster, making it easier for me to maintain this pace. That's why I made sure to start with such a hefty buffer - to give myself time to pick up speed and get better, time to have the occasional crash-and-burn week or even month where nothing gets done, and time to rewrite things that were being problems. Basically, the buffer is 100% working as intended so far, because all of those things have happened at least once.

The math is pretty favorable. With a three-page-a-week upload schedule, if I can finish three pages in under a week I'm guaranteed to keep the buffer going. At peak performance I can do five or six pages in one day, though that's dependent on complexity and that pace isn't sustainable for long - but of course it doesn't have to be, because that buys me two weeks to recover and do all the other stuff I couldn't do during the hellride. The block of pages I'm going to color tonight is five pages, which will buy me nearly two weeks. I lined and shaded those five pages on Friday, and I'd blocked out the backgrounds for this whole scene and the following one in one afternoon the previous week. It's not hellride-pace because it doesn't have to be, but if I needed to push it I could buy myself a week in under a day. Because of this, rebuilding the buffer back up to 20+ is a lower priority than keeping a steady pace that won't hurt my drawing hand or my writing brain.

But if I take too big of a hit I'll announce a two-week break or something. I have things arranged so hopefully I never have to, but ya never know, and it's important to be okay with taking the occasional unexpected hit!

[studynxiety]

06/09/2023

Lately, I have been tired. I am not sure if it's burnout, a random depressive episode or executive dysfunction. All I know is I haven't been really doing as much as I could be. I didn't want to admit it since I was still doing enough to get 80% on most tests and things could be worse.

Looking back, however, I haven't really done much that enjoy lately. I don't remember the last time I turned on some good music and wrote away, burning the midnight candle for something that made me alive. And there has been this constant knot of anxiety at the bottom of my stomach. So, things haven't been vibrant but things aren't exactly bad. It's like waking up on the wrong side of the bad; nothing's horrible but everything's off nonetheless.

All this is to say, I think I need to bounce back and I'm done being passive for this year. I've always been ambitious and I'm going to start pursuing things I want again. I woke up today feeling weirdly motivated so I've decided to start the 100 days of productivity challenge!

Things I hope to achieve from this challenge:

Become good enough in Physics that I can enjoy it again

Finish at least half of the CS50 course

Study for SATS

Make a complete compilation of which Unis to apply to

Finish at least two WIPs

Get better at French

Extra/Less-prioritized goals:

Get abs

learn to cook

Sketch/Draw more often

I think there will be two main obstacles in the way of me accomplishing these things. The first will be finding time. Most of the goals I've mentioned are things I have been putting off for more immediate concerns or just, generally, people needing me for things in the present that need to be dealt with but don't have much of an impact in the future.

The second problem is my undeniable internet addiction. Okay, I feel like internet addiction is too broad; my addiction to constantly consume some form of creative media, be it in the form of books, movies, TV shows, anime, cartoon, comics, or fanfiction. I really need to cut down on that. I think this will be the most difficult part. I'll try cutting out serialized content and instead explore more indie books and movies again. They're usually less addictive but fulfilling in the same.

As always, I'll be ending this post with some talk about the most recent shows that I have been enjoying, which is kind of ironic given the previous paragraph is me just complaining about my inability to stay away from them. Lately, I have been into the ongoing Kdrama "My Lovely Liar." I think the chemistry between the main characters is great and the mystery is alluring. An 8/10 in my books.

Other than that, I've been watching "The Boys." Currently, in season three. It's one heck of a show and it's just so believable and feels like a mirror to reality. The corporate greed of pharmaceutical firms, the corruption among the people who have sworn to protect us, and how hard the world works ... only to maintain the status quo. I think it's very interesting and directly draws parallels to the real world. It's definitely a 10/10 for me. The world building, characters, humour; everything hits just right.

That's all for today. I'll do some chemistry, look over the CS50 course and fill out some forms for some official stuff today and kickstart the productivity challenge tomorrow. I'll try to be more active on tumblr during the 100 days as I need something to keep me accountable. Here is to hoping for better me's and better days and better outcomes.

[rutellingmeashrimpfriedthisrice]

MCYT Yuri Week Day Four!

Prompt: Genderbend/Transgendered

Ship: Grian/Scar(GoodTimesWithScar) aka Ariana Griande/HotGal(Guy)

Series: Hermitcraft SMP

Word Count: 1,982

@mcyt-yuri-week

Ariana sighed as she adjusted her ponytail, frowning at her manager with a glare. "I can handle myself, I don't need a bodyguard." She said for at least the tenth time since Cleo told her about the arrangement they'd made for her.

"Sure you don't." Cleo shrugged, reading from their clipboard. "That's what you said last time, and you nearly got pulled off stage into the crowd."

"I got them too excited! I know better this time." Ariana huffed, crossing her arms as embarrassment burned her cheeks at the memory.

"Here! I'm here!" A voice called from the doorway as Ariana looked up to see a woman dressed like some sort of comic book character, long hair braided and resting beside a quiver full of sharp-looking arrows.

"HotGal, glad you could join us." Cleo greeted, shaking the woman's scarred hand.

"Glad to be here, I'm HotGal. Big fan, Miss Griande." She said, addressing Cleo then Ariana as the shorter woman felt her cheeks flush for the second time in the past five minutes.

"Nice to meet you." Ariana forced herself to say, shaking her hand as she forced herself to keep her gaze above the other woman's shoulders. Those arms could crush watermelons.

"Well, I guess I'll be in charge of your safety while you're in Hermitopolis! Nice to have you here, by the way." HotGal said, sourly reminding Ariana why she had been unhappy in the first place.

"Right." She muttered, retracting her hand to cross her arms again.

Awkward silence passed before Cleo broke it to pull HotGal aside with details of Ariana's schedule, all while the popstar glared daggers into her bodyguard's muscular back.

This was going to be a long week.

🎤🏹🎤

Ariana panted slightly as she finished running through her practice setlist, mentally reminding herself to correct her timing so she wouldn't step out too early at the show.

Cheers and applause pulled at her attention, scowling as she noticed her bodyguard sitting in the front row watching her with a grin.

"That was amazing! Best two hours of my life." HotGal said earnestly, standing and jumping to pull herself onto the tall stage one handed.

Show off.

"Thanks." Ariana muttered with a shrug, taking a slow sip from her water bottle to avoid speaking to the other woman as long as she could. "I thought you were supposed to be backstage while I'm performing?"

"Wouldn't it be easier to come to your aid if I'm out here in the crowd?" HotGal asked back.

Ariana just frowned, unable to come up with a good response for that line of logic.

HotGal grinned when Ariana said nothing. "Seriously, you were great! I can't wait to see the show for real, I've always wanted to go to one of your concerts."

Ariana flushed and turned her head to the side at the praise. "You'll have to watch the same set twice in show while I'm here, you know." She reminded.

"I know!" HotGal beamed.

"Won't that get boring?" Ariana asked, confused why her bodyguard seemed unfazed. "You have to watch me rehearse twice before each show, and there's two nights of that. You'll see me sing the same songs six times!"

HotGal seemed to vibrate with excitement. "Isn't that amazing? I get to watch my favorite singer perform six whole times!"

Ariana scoffed and sighed, shaking her head. "You're so weird." She said with a faint smile.

"And you're finally smiling around me." HotGal smirked.

Ariana froze, looking up at the taller woman in surprise. The only person she knew professionally who ever bantered with her was Cleo, and even then they'd known each other for years to form that sort of bond.

This was new. This was different.

Ariana kind of enjoyed it, if she were honest with herself.

🏹🎤🏹

Ariana waved to the audience before the spotlight switched off in time for her to step backstage, where she startled upon nearly running into none other than HotGal.

"You were absolutely incredible!" She cheered, holding up a bouquet of crumpled flowers, many of which were missing petals. HotGal must have just taken notice, because she cursed under her breath and rubbed her neck with a shy grin. "I had to push the crowd back a bit before I could get back here." She explained.

Ariana slowly reached out to take the flowers, one eyebrow raised as she kept her eyes locked on the other woman. "Thank you." She said after a beat of hesitation, finally glancing down as she plucked a petal from a poppy idly.

"You look beautiful." HotGal said through the silence. Ariana's eyes went wide as she looked up at the equally surprised-looking woman. "I mean, like, your makeup is so pretty! And your outfit! I love the bow." She said, gesturing vaguely to the comically large pink bow in the popstar's hair.

Ariana reached back with her free hand to brush her fingers against the glittery fabric and smiled nervously. "Oh, thanks. But you should be thanking my makeup team, they're the ones behind the magic." She said with a dismissive wave of her hand as her friends Gem and Mumbo peeked their heads out from the dressing room to wave.

HotGal waved back with a chuckle before shaking her head. "They're definitely talented, but I think you're what makes it look so good." She said, using her hand to gesture Ariana up and down. "You're just, naturally pretty."

"Oh, you're just saying that." Ariana giggled and rolled her eyes. She'd almost forgotten HotGal was just a fan.

"I mean it!" HotGal defended. "I don't have to see you out of makeup to know you'd still look good." She said before clamping a hand over her mouth, as if her brain had just caught up with her words.

Ariana eyed her for a moment, blush slowly creeping onto both of their cheeks before she looked away in embarrassment.

"Sorry, I made things all weird." HotGal chuckled tensely.

"Hey, don't worry about it. I'm used to it." Ariana shook her head.

HotGal frowned. "Oh, I wasn't-" She paused, shaking her head. "I didn't mean that in like, a fangirl way." She stuffed her hands in her pockets. "I was serious."

Ariana flushed deeper, staring at HotGal with wide eyes. "Oh." She managed.

"Yeah." HotGal responded with the same stunned tone.

Ariana glanced around HotGal to see Cleo trying to wave her over and gratefully took the excuse to leave the conversation, even if it was just as awkward as continuing it.

🎤🏹🎤

Ariana managed to avoid HotGal up until her second and final performance in Hermitopolis, which wasn't an easy feat considering it was literally HotGal's job to be in Ariana's presence at all times.

"Great work out there." HotGal startled the popstar, causing Ariana to nearly choke on her water. She'd just finished her final rehearsal before the show, so she was surprised by how she hadn't seen HotGal coming when she had just been sitting in the front row moments earlier.

"Thanks." Ariana said without looking at her.

"Did I do something?" HotGal asked, the question enough to make Ariana finally look at her fully.

"What? No, of course not." Ariana answered with a shake of her head.

"Then why have you been avoiding me?" HotGal asked, a deep-seated frown on her face, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"I haven't-" Ariana stopped herself. She kind of had avoided the other woman. "Because we don't know each other." She said instead, and somehow the truthful statement made her chest ache.

HotGal staggered back half a step, as if the answer had completely taken her by surprise. "Then, what do you want to know about me?" She asked, staring at the singer is if in challenge.

"W- What?" Ariana blinked in confusion.

"You said we don't know each other, so tell me what you want to know about me." HotGal said, crossing her arms.

Ariana stared in disbelief a moment before responding. "What's your name? Your not-HotGal name." She asked slowly.

"It's Scarlett. Scar for short." She answered without skipping a beat.

Ariana blinked. "Scar." She repeated. "It suits you."

"Thanks. My turn?" Scar asked hopefully.

"Fine. What do you want to know? And I don't have to answer if I don't want to." She clarified.

"Deal." Scar tilted her head for a moment, thinking. "Why singing?" She asked, gesturing to the switched-off microphone still hanging limply in the artist's grip.

Ariana held the mic closer, examining it for a moment. "I don't know, it seemed fun at the time. I'm good at it." She said with a shrug.

"You are pretty good." Scar agreed with a smile.

They traded little facts about each other for the next hour, until Ariana had to start her preparations for the show. She went smiling back to her dressing room, in a better mood than she had been in a long time.

🏹🎤🏹

Ariana listened to the roar of the crowd, chanting her name like a mantra. Some held up signs with her name or face, some held pink or red light sticks, many wore red and pink face paint in her honor.

Ariana! Ariana!

One cheer in particular caught her attention more than others, a name she hadn't heard much since her rise to fame.

"Go Grian!" Scar shouted over the noise from the front row, surrounded by confused fans. Grian caught her gaze and winked, setting the crowd off into another screeching round of cheers and applause.

She thanked the crowd with a wave and turned to leave, crashing into Scar just moments after stepping backstage.

"You were so great!" Scar beamed, hand resting on the shorter woman's lower back to keep her from falling after their initial collision.

"Thanks." Grian chuckled, feeling flustered. She placed her hands lightly on Scar's upper chest, intending to push her away only for the bodyguard to pull her a bit closer. She glanced up to meet her eyes through HotGal's tinted sunglasses, her heart skipping a beat at the closeness of the other woman.

"Hard to believe we'll be leaving town tomorrow." Scar said softly.

"Yeah…" Grian mumbled, a hint of sadness in her voice she couldn't cover. Then, she blinked. "Wait, we?" She asked, brows pinching in confusion.

"Yup! Cleo helped me finalize the paperwork before the show. I'm coming with you! Surprise!" Scar grinned.

Grian stared up at Scar in surprise before a grin slowly took over her face as she rushed into the taller woman, throwing her arms around Scar's neck to hug her tightly.

Scar hugged back, chuckling as she picked Grian up with ease to twirl, ignoring the squawk of surprise from the popstar in her arms.

Grian looked down at her bodyguard before Scar tilted her head up to give her a chaste kiss.

Scar tensed, eyes wide as her grip tightened reflexively. "I'm sorry, I- I didn't mean- That was-" She stuttered.

Grian smiled fondly. "Scar?" She interrupted. She waited for Scar to stop talking before craning her neck down to capture the other woman's lips in a lasting, light kiss.

When they separated, they stared at each other for a bit before bursting out into a fit of giggles, cheeks flushed and all smiles.

"Cleo is going to murder us." Grian snickered.

"Us? It'll be me they kill over this." Scar corrected through laughter.

"What is this, exactly?" Grian wondered, still smiling even as nerves crept in.

Scar's laughter quieted, staring at Grian as if lost in thought before she shrugged slightly. "Whatever you want it to be. Public girlfriends, private girlfriends, boss who kisses her employee sometimes, I'm okay with anything if it means we can keep doing this." She responded, the earnest truthfulness of it sending Grian into another fit of giggles.

Grian grinned. "Girlfriends. I like the sound of that." She admitted.

"Me too." Scar agreed, kissing her again.