#i've been in the trenches sorry
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its tbc's two years anniversary
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DAY 32: HAPPY ONE MONTH
#codacheetah#isat#loop isat#in stars and time#in stars and time loop#animation#club penguin#OUUUUAAAAGH. CRAWLS OUT OF FIREALPACA COVERED IN BLOOD#THIS IS 104 FRAMES. WHY ARE THERE SO MANY FRAMES IN THE CLUB PENGUIN DANCE.#my last animation was 5 frames. um this was a jump this took me all day lol#thank you for accompanying me on this journey loop nation#i have enjoyed the last month thoroughly#y'all's feedback makes me happy#and i've been having fun making these lil guys#there are some mistakes in this but idgaf im sorry. loop penguin remains imperfect#im not entering the trenches of ezgif and setting the delay again its not happening
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btw i dont necessarily think grad school is hell on earth always but it is hell on earth if you try to get an applied physics degree without any background in physics or engineering. like i got through the math prereqs no problem, straight A's, but by the time i reached advanced electromagnetics about halfway thru my degree it was becoming extremely clear that working full-time while trying to teach myself introductory, intermediate, and advanced physics topics all at once was a pretty bad idea, actually,
#thankfully i paid zero dollars and zero cents for the whole affair evwn though i did not finish the degree#blondiepost#also sorry i keep forgetting this blog exists i've been in the yaoi trenches to a horrifying degree of late#something in the air is making me extra insane lmfao
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I'd advise against eating the breadsticks, they might turn back to cigarettes in your stomach
(He swallows before responding this time.)
That's a risk I'm willing to take. These are great.
Wouldn't be the first time I've had to throw up somethin' possibly life threatenin' anyway.
(Breadstick cigarettes -- 3 asks remain)
#tf2 ask blog#tf2 rp blog#tf2#ask#tf2 ocs#anon#spy tf2#tf2 spy#tf2 spy oc#sorry i've been in the trenches (minecraft smp i joined)#it's great
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i really need someone to write an angsty or angst/comfort Ghostsoap fic from Ghost's POV, based on The Chain by Ingrid Michaelson
Ghost and Soap actually giving being a couple a go, but its hard. really hard. Soap having second thoughts and walking, Ghost thinking his Johnny is never coming back
but Johnny is a stubborn bastard and gives it one last shot, thinking that if Simon doesn't answer the door to him, then he really will let it go
and then Simon does open the door to him again
nb- you have my express permission to use this idea if you feel like it, just link me when it's done pretty please!!!!
#ghostsoap#cod#call of duty#simon ghost riley#john soap mactavish#soapghost#cod mw2#sorry fam I've been playing mw2 and listening to my cod playlist again so I'm slipping back into the ghoap trenches o7#Spotify#cod blogging
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ooc . New verses? New verses.
⋆ verse — stardew valley : i didn’t get the gene that my grandfather had in spades
It’s picturesque in the valley, but life is quiet and Royce dreams of city lights and stardom. Until his big break comes, he tinkers with cars and farm machinery. If something has a motor, you can trust him to fix and improve it.
⋆ verse — far cry 5 : i can get away with anything
Really, he shouldn’t have been there when everything went to hell. Royce was meant for baseball celebrity, but an ATV crash broke his arm and killed his opportunity for scholarship. Instead, he keeps busy as a mechanic, and races along the mountain roads every chance he gets. When the cult rises to power, he falls on the side of the resistance. Royce is the just about the best getaway driver you could hope for.
#sorry for not being here!#i've battled some sickness and was in the gaming trenches#( fc5 and stardew valley give it away i'm sure )#i haven't forgotten about royce and all the lovely interactions waiting for my input#i hope you've all been well and i look forward to catching up with you 💕#⋆ ooc#⋆ verse — stardew valley : i didn’t get the gene that my grandfather had in spades#⋆ verse — far cry 5 : i can get away with anything
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thinking it'd be really funny if alastor's mom died when he was young killed by a gunshot wound of some sort so he has a bambi past
#hazbin hotel#sorry you can probably tell i'm deep in the trenches of this universe/characters. i have nothing to say to defend myself#it caught me off guard and now it's literally the only thing i can think about#alastor#alastor's mother#man. it's been a long time since i've been so enthusiastic about anything#like its been years since i had a special interest this intense lol i hope it lasts long enough that i can milk it for fanart#LORD knows my art accounts are desert dry bc i never finish anything worth posting#anyways time will tell if this joins the top 5 recurring special interests. all of them are over 5 years old by now
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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Control (Video Game) Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Casper Darling/Zachariah Trench Additional Tags: Explicit Sexual Content, Anal Sex, Workplace Relationship, Established Relationship, Boss/Employee Relationship, Slice of Life, Pre-Canon, Canon Compliant, Porn With Plot, Humor, Egregious violation of Bureau safety procedures and protocol, Semi-Public Sex Summary: With Ahti leaving the Oldest House to go on vacation, Director Zachariah Trench picks up the slack and handles a list of chores left behind by the janitor.
The idea for this oneshot came from a conversation in the Oceanview discord a few months ago. People were speculating on whether the previous Directors helped around the Oldest House in the same ways Jesse helps Ahti. Of course I had to defend Trench’s honor and show him being a good janitor’s assistant (with an extra splash of some Trench/Darling smut to boot). Also let’s be real. Trench would look fucking hot in anything, but I think he’d look especially hot in dirty coveralls. If you click through, thanks for reading!!
#control remedy#control 2019#zachariah trench#casper darling#trench x darling#wondrouswendy's writing#the days of thunder fic#I would like to say I'm sorry for spamming the trench/darling tag on ao3 as much as I have been lately#but I'm also not sorry because I just love writing about these two so much#I will not stop until I've put the old men into every situation humanly possible
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ugh. once again. shut the fuck up
#not three posts into scrolling and there's people fighting again. i am genuinely reaching the end of my rope#and i've never been driven away from fandom before. not even in the spn trenches. maybe i curated my dash better before than i do now??#but i just. god idk it's very disappointing#that whenever i seemingly find cool blogs to follow that don't seem to involve themselves in petty self-righteous better-than-thou drama#at some point they end up. bringing the disk horse along#i am tired. and frustrated. can't we go a day without. the mess. please#like i don't even involve myself in any of that and yet i'm still subjected to it it's annoying!!!#it's not in the fun way that you sometimes get the chance to see a fandom lighting up on fire#because this isn't everyone experiencing a big event and going crazy abt it together. this is just infighting. which plainly sucks#sorry i've complained about this twice this week now it's just really bugging me#(and yeah i know. there's a block and unfollow button. i just wish things were fundamentally different so i didn't have to use it so often)#i'm here to like and reblog and interact. not to spend half my time on the site sniping blogs
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I totally get not caring for a particular character or ship or something. We all have our own tastes. What I don’t understand is why some people feel the need to be total assholes towards those who do like a character or ship that they can’t stand.
On the flip side, some people do need to grow a thicker skin and accept the fact that not everyone likes their favorite character or ship or whatever.
This is one of those asks where unfortunately I’m not able to tell if you’re sending it to me in good faith or bad faith, which is a shame. I’m hoping it’s good faith, so I’d like to answer seriously and trust that you’ll take it that way also.
Let me start by saying that I don't believe anyone is under the impression that everyone should like their favorite character or ship. We're all adults here. We all know that preferences exist. It's a matter of how we choose to honor and respect those preferences.
There are absolutely instances where a thicker skin should be grown. I can think of a number of situations where that can happen, such as if people are having a civil discussion about things they disagree about, but because one of the parties feels uncomfortable, they start throwing pretty rough accusations or virtue signaling to try and make the conversation end as quickly as possible. I get it. It can feel super icky and squirmy if someone has a different viewpoint from ours. Sometimes it’s really hard just to say, “Hey, I feel a little cornered. I wanna check in that we’re both still feeling okay about this, and if we’re not, then I’d like to agree to disagree. We can just leave it here with mutual respect, all right?”
But there’re also times where it really doesn’t come down to someone being overly sensitive. It comes down to downright meanness and rudeness.
Let’s be honest. There is a very high probability that you and I both know what’s being talked about. I don’t have to spell it out. So let’s be frank with each other. If you go through one of these tags, post after post of insightful, creative, loving, funny, interesting commentary, and not a single rude or mean thing to be said. The other one, a similar situation, but interspersed with just outright rude, mean, and intentionally inflammatory comments that absolutely did not need to be put in the tag at all. There seems to be this belief that certain characters or ships are disliked with an equal amount of vehemence, like two warring factions. This is clearly not accurate.
This isn’t a situation where someone just needs to grow a thicker skin. If there is a ship/character tag that is completely left alone by the people who don’t care for it versus a ship/character tag that keeps getting rudeness filtered in every so often, this doesn’t mean that the latter group of enjoyers should just…not experience annoyance about it nor withhold expressing that annoyance. And again, there is a distinct difference between civil discussion/disagreement/opposing opinions and intentionally inflammatory statements. I like to believe that people can generally tell the difference between them and react accordingly.
Everyone is free to express their own thoughts on this platform as long as they’re not against TOS. We all know this and we all respect this. This applies also to how we choose to use tags. There is a generally understood etiquette that if you’re saying something just outright mean about a character or a ship, you don’t put it in that specific tag. This is not a requirement. No one is asserting that it is. It’s just a polite courtesy because we recognize that tags are used by the people who browse those characters/ships because they enjoy them, so we don’t typically like to rain on their parade.
But this also means that if someone says something rude—if someone walks into somebody’s sandbox and kicks sand in their eyes—then they have no room to whine if that person stands up and complains about it, and they really have no excuse for doubling down with EXTRA rudeness either. If someone tells us not to tease an animal, and we do it twenty times in a row anyway, then ultimately we are responsible for the fact that we were bitten.
Notably, I am saying this about all people involved in a fandom. Including those who are intentionally inflammatory in the tags of posts where they really did not need to commentate. There's a way to say, "I'm surprised by this and I really don't understand how we got here," without implying that anyone who disagrees is lacking in taste. Again, differing preferences. Respecting them. Standing up and walking away from the keyboard if we experience a big and overwhelming emotion in our chest so we can ensure that we don't just kick a hornet's nest for the sake of feeling personally superior. So anyway! After that big long ramble, I’m happy to say that I agree with you. I just also believe in people’s right to express annoyance—especially if it’s untagged and on their own blog—when someone shows up and, again, kicks the sand around. And hell, for all I know, maybe you agree with that too and I made some assumptions about this ask out of habit due to some particularly awful anon asks that I’ve gotten recently. But I’d really, really like it if there was less sandkicking all around because, y’all, I really like it here. I love all of these characters and ships so fucking much. You only have to glance at my AO3 page to see that. And I’d really like to keep having fun with you all instead of flinching every time Tumblr yet again recommends me a super intentionally inflammatory post in a tag that I follow.
#again i really am sorry that i have to flinch and question if this was sent in good faith or not#especially if you and i are often interacting in other spaces then you probably know that i really don't like to stir things up#and i try to believe that everyone is approaching a conversation with the best intentions at heart#it's the anon of it all that makes me nervous and i hope you can understand that and forgive me for being cautious#am i a soft hearted person who really wishes we could just be polite as a society and have conversations? yes absolutely#i've been in too many fandom trenches to want otherwise#i know i know i will not survive the winter etc you don't have to remind me what happens to overly compassionate people#but i've taken direct personal sometimes painful action to make sure i don't turn into the kind of person that i hate to be around#and i would really like to see other people do the same#my ramblings
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not me casually checking in on my old best friend on facebook and being absolutely JUMPSCARED by pictures of her with j2 because she went to the spn con that was here a few months ago
#i don't know how into the show she is because we rarely talk these days and it looks more like she was tagging along w/ someone else but man#she has no idea the trenches i've been in for the past two and a half years... and now SHE has a photo with dean winchester and i don't??#TRAVESTY#(<- not that i would really even want to pay that kind of money for photo ops with actor men but it's the principal of the thing okay)#anyways. hi????#sorry for being MIA i love y'all and i miss y'all and i still think about spn every day even though i am not girlblogging about it atm <3#spn.txt
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When I go to some of the more affluent facilities, sometimes the staff are very wide-eyed and fervent when they tell me "This patient has covid."
And every single time, I just feel like that one It's Always Sunny meme... "Everybody's got covid bitch, let's get you an N95"
#sorry I don't mean to be flippant but I've been working in the trenches of this shit since 2021#personally doing testing for dozens of covid-positive folks a day really takes the shock out of it#like why do you think I mask for every facility I enter. the air is poison baybee#covid tw
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I'm so pissed off, i just saw someone on twitter calling out Snow fangirls and naming people stanning characters like him ("hot" but evil) "the anakin effect" as if liking anakin has been a mainstream phenomenon for longer than a month.
#like im sorry but liking the prequels at all and anakin in particular has always been SO niche#im gatekeeping him if you haven't been a star wars fan since at least 2014 you can't stan the prequels OR anakin :/#like on the one hand its great that thanks to nostalgia and ahsoka (tv) hayden is getting his due but like. look at the COST#ania speaks#txt#i've had this blog for like 6 years and this url for idfk almost that long#and i literally used to get asks from people who reblogged from me (a star wars blogger (and sometimes some other things) through it all)#asking me what i was referencing#hell some girl once asked me if i was using her last name as an url for some reason (???)#like you just cant make it up.#the anakin effect my ass thats just YA!!!!! tbosas is YA!! ya fans are EXPERTS at woobifying terrible men#anakin isnt one you stan because you want to fix him (if you do. you're very weird tbh)#you stan anakin bc of the TRAGEDY. the CORRUPTION. the forsaking of everything in the name of power.#anyway today i went to see tbosas with a friend i've known for years and she acknowledged that i've been on the trenches#for him + the prequels in general since f o r e v e r it was so vindicating
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being a hater
"dimilix is yuri to me" so you think they're girls? like i agree about dimitri but felix hates women so much i don't really get this as a read of his character, blions already has a misogynistic repressed woman you could explore in Ingrid. "no i mean the relationship is yuri" but you've just said they're not girls. so it's not yuri. "no it's just that kind of emotional relationship is yuri-" you think having emotions is inherently feminine? did you black out and wake up thinking it's still the early 2000s?? "no i mean its guy yuri because it plays with yuri tropes and dynamics" so you've just never read any yaoi? you've never read a single yaoi manga?? you think the kind of regurgitated flattened slash fiction tropes have any relation to the sweet milk of mother yaoi??? ok. good to know 👍 it's still not yuri
#guys who are obsessed with each other and don't understand why is a FOUNDATIONAL yaoi dynamic#this has been happening in mainstream yaoi for decades. guys who are emotionally invested in their relationship and can't cope#as it changes: all still happening in yaoi#BRAVE himejoshi warriors have been fighting in the trenches for LONGER THAN I'VE BEEN ALIVE to try to get people to understand yuri#and you say that the only way that can happen . is if it's about guys???? sickening.#if you want to talk about tropes that AG dimilix support where Dimitri picks Felix up accompanied by clothes falling off sounds: yaoi trope#please only use the word yuri when you're talking about girls kissing. please let the concept of “girls kissing” have one fucking word#that definitionally. excludes. men.#i dedicate this post to the memory of all brave himejoshi warriors. im sorry people only remember yuri exists to diminish it#im bisexual i support yaoi AND yuri warriors. but stop doing this to things exclusively about girls. it's not cute and it's not funny
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... tell me if I should add a read more...
I do feel like a lot of the online discussion (not only tho?) around nonbinary have made it out to be its own 3rd gender of sorts, removed from the binaries/a ("perfectly vague") mix (*sigh* gender vs expression expectation is a whole thing here too now). Crucially, the association of what it means often feels like its own third rigid box by now (where pronouns=box often, at the same time, seen more they/x lately), so much that I had forgotten that I understood it as an umbrella term of experiences which bases itself on not being STUCK to A binary (?), like back in 2016 or something. A box that (personally) makes it feel like, if you don't feel wholly separate from a binary or both of them (at all times), then nonbinary doesn't fit as well as it could.
So that current perception (at least from how it changed online for me who never previously identified with it), paints how I've tried to label myself. Which is a mess btw, I've been in the trenches and still lie with my legs underneath the murky waters, but at least not currently trying to keep my head above the waters (double metaphor use... or not). And there are other terms ofc that try to describe or not describe experiences, but when it comes to this poll, I get ??? about whether it bases itself on the umbrella term or the third box term (I think the latter).
This is a me poll though hah, feeling outside the binaries but also not all the way removed enough to not in some way fall into a binary, where it feels disingenuous to say I don't at all at any point feel connected to a binary? A both and a neither. Both "binary" and "nonbinary" having preconcieved notions (within the third gender box) that I don't fit, and thus I don't feel nonbinary enough, yet I'm not binary (nevermind, if I find that I feel at moments connected to both binaries, which is both binary but also not because it's not kept within a singular binary). I evade definition within the third box model. I feel more uncertain about the first option, cause I feel like it can be understood in a lot more different ways again, cause, too related to the binary in what way? More in an agender way or a "it feels too defined by how it (as if its only one thing) exists related to the binaries" way, where the boarders of it doesn't feel fluid enough. Or a, "I evade definition" kind of colour splatter, "I jump between colours too much these lables feels too tied to the binary". Idk. Deeply personally ofc, and those microlabels and the use of multiple labels can be quite helpful here. So that's the option I feel more uncertain about choosing for myself.
Idk what the poll's intention is either (to sense what kind of not binary not nonbinary folks experience? To try look closer at the in betweens? The whys of why someone not binary wouldn't define themselves as nonbinary? Ect.?), but I did get excited seeing a poll that felt related to my own experience. I wonder then in return (within the umbrella term), all the experiences within folks who consider themselves nonbinary, how much or how much not our experiences differ. Which I believe is a mixed bag regardless, from the personal experiences I've already seen expressed. Cause I do see ppl describe their relation to and definition of being nobinary (often more personal) differently. Yet I've personally not felt connected (enough) to their experiences and the one term (which is not to say it's completely unfamiliar, idk get worried about essentialising my own experiences lol also -> end of paragraph). Yet, again, I do pick the third (sometimes nonbinary) option on assessments if it's available, and feel too strongly on not being tied to a and a singular binary that I don't wanna pick either if it's a binary (for several reasons), even if one feels closer or more familiar atm. And would probably be the easiest to relay irl outside playing the pronouns game (& w expression), and like, I would say I consider myself under the nonbinary umbrella.
I chose option 4 btw (also the notes are fun)
#not to get into the messes of it. but currently it's like a... agender-genderfluid/bigender mix where I'm exploring transmasc within one#aspect of it cause I don't feel like that would be enough/all/a perfect fit.#I picked genderqueer in my bio at one point when I was feeling way more uncertain than I do know about being trans at all#yet it still being a term which has space for all the exploration I was about to do and the messy ways the results could apply#& because of the ways I feel & have felt both not binary and binary to my agab (since for all that I know I'm perisex) there have also been#times where I've felt disconnected to conceptualizing myself as trans. both trans and not. both cis and not.#I do feel more connected to transness lately though. but I was for sure in the trenches for a moment in the “is this within cis experience?#type of way.#no yea sorry. I can't shut up sometimes.#queer stuff#trans stuff#my rambles#polls#the way I said option 1 confused me the most yet one of the taggers that felt option 1 to a t was one of those I related to the most#(but not wholly)
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#btw i'm being so normal about homucifer rn (lying)#and i totally have not added like 4 trench songs onto The Playlist (lying)#actually i need to make a kyomami playlist too bc i've been collecting a few songs here n there#might even make them a side a/side b scenario so i can keep the gay stuff and the angst stuff in their own corners lol#tldr rewatching pmmm has rewired my brain and i will probably continue to be feral about it for a While sorry not sorry#nebular.txt
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