#the way I said option 1 confused me the most yet one of the taggers that felt option 1 to a t was one of those I related to the most

[notachair]

... tell me if I should add a read more...

I do feel like a lot of the online discussion (not only tho?) around nonbinary have made it out to be its own 3rd gender of sorts, removed from the binaries/a ("perfectly vague") mix (*sigh* gender vs expression expectation is a whole thing here too now). Crucially, the association of what it means often feels like its own third rigid box by now (where pronouns=box often, at the same time, seen more they/x lately), so much that I had forgotten that I understood it as an umbrella term of experiences which bases itself on not being STUCK to A binary (?), like back in 2016 or something. A box that (personally) makes it feel like, if you don't feel wholly separate from a binary or both of them (at all times), then nonbinary doesn't fit as well as it could.

So that current perception (at least from how it changed online for me who never previously identified with it), paints how I've tried to label myself. Which is a mess btw, I've been in the trenches and still lie with my legs underneath the murky waters, but at least not currently trying to keep my head above the waters (double metaphor use... or not). And there are other terms ofc that try to describe or not describe experiences, but when it comes to this poll, I get ??? about whether it bases itself on the umbrella term or the third box term (I think the latter).

This is a me poll though hah, feeling outside the binaries but also not all the way removed enough to not in some way fall into a binary, where it feels disingenuous to say I don't at all at any point feel connected to a binary? A both and a neither. Both "binary" and "nonbinary" having preconcieved notions (within the third gender box) that I don't fit, and thus I don't feel nonbinary enough, yet I'm not binary (nevermind, if I find that I feel at moments connected to both binaries, which is both binary but also not because it's not kept within a singular binary). I evade definition within the third box model. I feel more uncertain about the first option, cause I feel like it can be understood in a lot more different ways again, cause, too related to the binary in what way? More in an agender way or a "it feels too defined by how it (as if its only one thing) exists related to the binaries" way, where the boarders of it doesn't feel fluid enough. Or a, "I evade definition" kind of colour splatter, "I jump between colours too much these lables feels too tied to the binary". Idk. Deeply personally ofc, and those microlabels and the use of multiple labels can be quite helpful here. So that's the option I feel more uncertain about choosing for myself.

Idk what the poll's intention is either (to sense what kind of not binary not nonbinary folks experience? To try look closer at the in betweens? The whys of why someone not binary wouldn't define themselves as nonbinary? Ect.?), but I did get excited seeing a poll that felt related to my own experience. I wonder then in return (within the umbrella term), all the experiences within folks who consider themselves nonbinary, how much or how much not our experiences differ. Which I believe is a mixed bag regardless, from the personal experiences I've already seen expressed. Cause I do see ppl describe their relation to and definition of being nobinary (often more personal) differently. Yet I've personally not felt connected (enough) to their experiences and the one term (which is not to say it's completely unfamiliar, idk get worried about essentialising my own experiences lol also -> end of paragraph). Yet, again, I do pick the third (sometimes nonbinary) option on assessments if it's available, and feel too strongly on not being tied to a and a singular binary that I don't wanna pick either if it's a binary (for several reasons), even if one feels closer or more familiar atm. And would probably be the easiest to relay irl outside playing the pronouns game (& w expression), and like, I would say I consider myself under the nonbinary umbrella.

I chose option 4 btw (also the notes are fun)