cactibarber

[cactibarber]

where all your dreams come true !

(redraw of this fantasy costco garf i drew in 2022)

[cactibarber]

crozier: we are all going to die in this ice and it’s your stupid fault

sir john:

[cactibarber]

Accidentally called dumplings "Peking ravioli" in front of my New Jersey coworkers and I had to frantically explain that this wasn't some insane form of esoteric Italo-Chinese racism, that's just what they're called in Boston. Had to take a picture of a menu to prove it.

[cactibarber]

having a cat is like having an advertisement for taking a fat nap running in your house 24/7

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this is crazy?????

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you can leave the house with a bare face and suffer no consequences btw. if you're a woman you do not have to wear any makeup

[cactibarber]

Yall sleeping on this Sam L. Jackson interview about trump lmfao.

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this is how it feels in balatro when positive effects that have a 1 in 4 chance to happen never do but negative effects that have a 1 in 6 chance to happen always do

[cactibarber]

a minute droplet of longing, hiding in the dark

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is anyone else constantly afraid they’ll be “caught” doing stuff they’re obviously allowed or even supposed to do

[cactibarber]

"Generically medieval" settings can be annoying, but what really burns me is when people try to "correct" others about what the medieval period was really like, then hit the wrong era. They'll be setting forth a checklist of "authentically medieval" features and I'll be like, that's the German Renaissance. You are describing the German Renaissance.

[cactibarber]

balala

[cactibarber]

Pacific Rim is the best movie ever made for the same reason Sif is the best boss in Dark Souls. It's not bcs of quality or craftmanship or whatever it's bcs when I hear "giant robots fighting giant monsters with the power of love" and "huge wolf with a big fucking sword" I am overcome with the urge to scream "HELL FUCKING YEAH" at the top of my lungs before headbutting a wall so hard I leave a dent in the plaster.

[cactibarber]

Telepathy 😌😌

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The We We are

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it’s so deeply sad that helly probably longs to be a bush girl but helena absolutely keeps that thing bald as hell

[cactibarber]

I remember meeting a guy at a bar a year or so ago who told me he worked at the international consortium that does the porn parodies of all the top-grossing film releases. He said that the whole Barbenheimer situation presented his combine with some spectacular highs and lows. Because he said that with Barbie, right, the thing about Barbie is that there's already kind of a three-way ideatic, structural parallel between the curated artificiality of Barbie as a children's toy, the curated artificiality of Barbie as a mass market film, and the curated artificiality of pornography as a genre. Add on top of that that Barbie as a film is already feeling this tension, right where it's trying to be about a character graduating from the platonic sexlessness of a children's franchise to the functional-and-frank sexuality of being a living human woman, but it's also being bogged down in the "Everyone-is-beautiful-no-one-is-horny" aesthetic restrictions of any contemporary big-budget mass-market film so the two states end up looking pretty similar, he said. I mean the film itself is very aware of that tension, right, with that joke about how "casting Margot Robbie is the wrong move if you want to make that point," all that jazz. So, all that in mind, Barbie-themed pornography, he said, is in a weird way actually kind of complementary to the extant project, gesturing at unaddressed tensions and ideas, a dark mirror, the shadow self it wants to deny but can't, there's a lot of room to play in the space. He used the adjective "Lynchian" a couple of times, he seemed super stoked, he was talking with his hands. Oppenheimer, on the other hand. Oppenheimer he said presented a problem. Because obviously you can eroticize the detonation of an atomic bomb, we're all probably three mutuals removed from someone on this site who does exactly that, but obviously that's a niche market, and moreover it's a market that has a ton of overlap with high-minded thinkers who treat the historical use of atomic weapons against Japan with the level of gravity that atrocity demands. So they were stuck. They were really stuck. He told me that they'd been pulling their hair out for months trying to square the circle and all they had to show for it was a big whiteboard with the phrase "Grope-nheimer" written on it