#i've been in the sun a lot recently
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it’s so weird seeing my freckles after so long
#i've been in the sun a lot recently#i just walked past a mirror and gave myself a jumpscare#what's going on in nero's mind?
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Oh, your love is sunlight
Happy (late) Valentine's Day (version without text ↓ +description in tags)
#east blue asylum wing au#zosan#zoro x sanji#zs#first off if its bad quality - it's a huge canvas and it's more pixelated if i try to export the picture than if I screenshot so... :/#I sometimes like assigning songs to different dynamics and or characters I play around with and I've been recently listening to#a lot of Hozier again and I'd like to think that Sunlight is how Zoro sees Sanji - he is Icarus flying to the sun and he is willing to get#burned if only to reach the sunlight - it's a deathtrap... because of course it is... all attachments are but Sanji's love is the death tra#that he welcomes like a moth to a flame because even Icarus felt the bliss and freedom before his wax melted#I haven't depicted it here but Sanji's Hozier song for Zoro would probably be NFWMB because in his eyes Zoro is this untouchable force#that would watch the world go up in flames and when the time Sanji wouldn't mind being a tree just to fuel his fire (im well aware how#cheesy that sounds just bare with me... or better yet listen to the song its really good trust me ok?)#the world starts and ends with him and where they lay#and their shared Hozier song is Francesca because if anything in this au zosan are two lovers stuck in Dante's inferno and sprinting back i#only for the chance to get back to their lover and if that meant going back into hell to look for each other then so be it#there's a part of the song that goes “My life was a storm / Since I was born / How could I fear any hurricane?” which is pretty fitting imo#op#fan art#my art
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had quite the night drive earlier this evening.
#just me rambling again#web weaving#(?)#uh. one of my friends who is out of town for college was visiting and i got to see him and our friends and the only core member of that#group of people missing was my ex girlfriend who you may also know of as my wonderful wife#who has I assume been very busy with their own life things but has also barely and very sparsely had any hint of communication with any of#us within the past few months which I've been realizing very recently sort of hurts my feelings because we used to be so close and#they had been saying that they would be constantly making sure we still were in each other's lives. but then very quickly have#seemingly dropped off the face of the earth#anyways. I was driving aforementioned friend who is in town back home (family home not college obv) and when i was finally going back#towards my house afterwards my Google maps finally lead me to an area that i was more familiar with driving and i got to an#intersection and it was telling me to take a right to go home but i knew that i knew the way perfectly from that intersection to my#ex girlfriend / best friend / wifes familys house from all of the times I've gone that direction through the past years and so#i turned off my directions and i took a left towards their house#not super sure why but my brain and body just knew it was something i needed to do and so i went and drove down their street and cried#a lot the whole time and then drove myself home from their house once again following a super familiar path#and idk im still feeling very emotional about it. the fact that halloween by noah kahan was the first song to play on Spotify#after i made that left turn im sure didnt help (knowing that i miss them so much and am going to be leaving this area myself#soon enough here and there's been an open offer for a while now that they are welcome to follow and live with me once they get their degree#(and also um. halloween is next week lol)#idk i just havent felt the full force of how badly i miss having them in my life until tonight. when i was around this person i could feel#our souls singing in harmony. i genuinely cannot describe the feelings of our relationship in words i feel like only vaguely abstract art#could communicate the connection that was forged between us and the level of understanding and knowing#something not dissimilar to looking into the sun directly or trying to describe a vivid color to someone who is completely blind#something about the way the entire universe breathes in unison and everything around us are all pieces of the same stars#sigh#i miss my wife tails i miss her a lot /ref
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What a good episode. Maaaaaan
#I can't even start I'd be here forever#It did take me in fact like one hour total to watch it lmoa. It sooooo good!!! The animation is very good#(albeit it's awfully low on brightness at times. But such seems to be the sin of lot of recent media unfortunately)#but I'm not even going to dwell on that. The plot / storytelling is so good. Sooooo god. I adore this arc.#Love the symbolism. I've been saying this for almost two years now (is it really been that long ever since these episodes came out... ) but#I want to write an analysis on the op & ed so baddd. The emphasis on the twilight this episode!!#Like the sun was setting on the detective agency. I love love love the hd. They're so cool in this episode and they're so cool in general.#I ADORE Jouno. I don't feel particularly strongly for sue/giku yet their scenes are so cute and funny. I see why people ship them.#Even Tetchou I don't usually care much about is so !!!!! I love all the hd so much fr!!!!!!!!!!#I love love love Jouno. Like much like it is for Akutagawa I'm very weak for characters that aren't really good people.#But they're still trying to be a better person than they were. And oftentimes they end up doing a terrible job!!#But the fact alone that they're //trying// has me ougheueueueu. Here in this episode you can see Jouno–#sliping very easily in his cruel / sadistic habits. But he is trying to be a person that cares for others! He made good actions in the past#and he will again in the future even though right now he's acting like this! Because improvement isn't linear! I love him tonsss#And DON'T get me started on the ada. Yosano's “Welcome” scene. I love women. I love women. Yosano please one chance#KENJI'S SCENE God I needed this. How could I forget the way this literllyyyyy rewinded my brain when I read the manga for the first time.#That scene is so deep and poignant and so so meaningful I. Oughhh#I am going to run out of tags am I not#Kyouka saving Atsushi!!!!!!! That scene is one of my all time favourites. It makes me soft to remember when the s4 trailer dropped–#I was so overjoyed for that bit of them holding hands :') Rightfully so!!! It's so cute.#Her coming back to save Atsushi. The “don't worry– I didn't kill them” direct towards Atsushi–#that is so so Akutagawa and it sends me insane hhhhhhgggggggggg#Kunikida!!!!! His “I'm not leaving anyone behind”!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm not precisely Kunikida's first fan but aaaaaahhh he makes me feel–#so much for him in this scene!!!!! Mmmhhh one last note would be. It bugs me a little how the ada is defined terrorist by the military–#forces starting this episode? I don't have space to elaborate properly but. An action to be considered terrorism must have clear political–#orientation and goal. Violence alone isn't enought to be defined terrorism. It's an incorrect use of the word#Up to the next episode!!! Can't wait to see more Atsushi 🥰🥰#random rambles#It's late now and probably most are asleep rn... Then I'll be queing my posts for tomorrow probably
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Sun and Moon
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Working on a series of Circus-y illustrations, here's the first set. (refs based on the lovely FableParade on twitter)
#circus#aerial hoop#clown#clowns#sun and moon#stained glass#original characters#rae's doodles#hello yes I'm not dead!#I've been drawing and also making quite a lot recently#just haven't had a lot of time to post it#trying to get back into the swing of that
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Sat here on my porch drinking a smoothie out of a beer glass. Living the high life one might say
#I've been cooking and baking and such a lot recently#which I don't typically do but it's nice#mutuals can we sit on the porch drink smoothies and watch the sun set pretty please#mel's thoughts
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ANYWHO goodnight tumblr i'll be back on the art grind tomorrow i think 🙏
#haunted ecosystem#i'll take a burst of creativity in a different form than usual than the burnout slump i've been in for a few months#<- part of why my fandom stuff has taken a smidge of a backseat#dont get me wrong i am still very excited about my fandoms im just having fun off in oc hell (affectionate)#its nice to just be able to create and not really worry about perception. and also i feel Less bad about just throwing ocs into the wringer#((blame the fact i've been REALLY interested in whump recently and i have been. fixated. on one of my characters.))#and ALSO i've been! rekindling my flame for wtds. i've been putting off thinking about it since that fic got.#nothing bad happened? but it was still very devastating that somebody who i considered a friend from that fic just. evaporated.#but i'm gonna finish that fic for him :) even if it takes a year. even if it's the one thing i finish ever. it'll be wtds.#for where its gotten me and the fact its what got me out of my shell and is the reason i trust that my writing is good!#i used to really hate rereading my work. i catch flaws that are obvious to me. but that fic. i just think about how *good* the story is#that story means. a lot to me? as a person? like the main character is not a good person. but people care about him anyway.#and there are so many little things. so many sentiments. so much that is a love letter to people who've done bad but learnt to do better#because. god knows i wasnt a good person even just a few years ago. and maybe i see myself in him a bit.#he came from a place of paranoia and fear and pain. and maybe its a good thing that i've found it difficult to write him recently.#because god. i've been HAPPY. even with the rough moments and bad days. i've been happy. i mean fuck.#my birthday's what. ten days away? god damn man. i'm going to be 18. that's an achievement.#i want to look the kid who thought it was over at half my age and tell him we fucking made it. and there are more years to come.#there's a life ahead. even if it's going to be a bitch. even if it's going to be tough. there's love in your heart and people who care and#you're going to fucking live and you're going to feel better one day. you have people to meet properly and thank and cherish.#because for every day it feel like the world's ending there are a dozen more where the sun shines just the right way through the rain#and you can't help but smile because it's just so god damn beautiful.#and fuck it. you're sick. your hands hurt and your legs don't work right. and it's tough sometimes. but you have people who understand.#you have people who honest to god love you for who you are and appreciate your company. and 18 is the first step.#you've spent half your life unlearning things and you've spent half your life relearning how to be what YOU want to be#and if you're a mediocre artist and passionate writer then you'll be fucking great at that. taking the time to learn when it strikes you.#and maybe this is for me. but its also for anybody reading it too. please god if there's one thing you take from this let it be that#somebody out there cares. *I* care. god i care. even if we've never spoken proper i care about you.#i practically have a list of everybody i see in my inbox. i love seeing familiar names show up. i.#i dont know how to neatly wrap up this tag ramble. but. i am so damn full of love it hurts sometimes. its scary to be happy but thats ok!
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literally sitting here writing fanfic in the chair i wrote fanfic in during 2020 because i have been sick + therefore unable to leave the house for five days and well i'm not NOT #triggered
#actually i wrote a lot of fanfic sitting on my porch or at the dining room table but i get exhausted if i sit in the sun for more than#thirty minutes rn and also my dad is currently working from home at the dining room table so SPECIFICALLY i am sitting in the chair that i#wrote r&g in. this fanfic is gonna be nowhere near that good it's a tossed off good omens fic#because i can't get challengers out of my head so of course i'm writing. good omens fanfic????#yes it's about live theater specifically they go see Company together#i've been wanting to see a plaaaaay recently but the local theater company rn is only doing a re-run of one they did a few years ago +#i already saw. sigh#i lived on the east coast for two years and didn't go see a broadway play or musical and for WHAT
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well! that project's out of my brain now :) now what
#just me hi#“now what” i have tide in there now and i am not going to post much about them lmao#or maybe i will i dunno! but some things stay the most fun when they're secrets ehe :3#//a lot of weather has been happening recently huh#lot more than i'm used to anyway lol - and why's it gotta be so humid out here like C'mon hghf#the air. is Thick. and Wet. like a toad#//Oh but i've been having so much fun drawing recently lol :D#it started getting flat and really boring for some reason to where it felt like i was doing it like a chore - just a motion to keep the#gears running ykno? but yeah i've been enjoying it a lot more these past so many days :D !#i didn't even really notice it until i realized i had zoned in on a comic i was drawing and hadn't considered working on anything else hfsh#//also i've been playing with that music box app/website again - i should prolly use a real music program but none of them are like this#thing ykno? cuz i just tip tap and Boom the sound i need is Right There !! :>#i tried soundtrap i really did but man it's a lot hhhghf#i don't like how it's set up unfortunately. oh well!#i need like minimal clutter or i Die. Gruesomely hbfsh - just what i need and nothing less nothing more. it's a balance#/despite that i am Really Bad at passively organizing things lol - and when i try i just misplace things like crazy. scavenger hunts are a#guarantee lol :)#//i'm still struggling spell guarantee btw but oo am i getting close !! hfshbh#it's the second A it always trips me up#that does not sound like an A. i believe that's identity fraud my friend [<- aggressive squinting]#//anyway sun's out i'm inside and i'm going to listen to music forever#/do you think there are electric guitars in the heavenly choir? hm!#//anyway back to my wanderings!! toodles toodles :D
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*hangs up phone* well boys, that was the spoon department. looks like we're running a deficit this week.
the crowd of various versions of me: awwwwwww :(
buuuut, if we can get through tuesday, we can get a treat and take the rest of the week off
tcovvom: yaaaaaaay :)
#i might not be super useful for most of May#i'm just calling it now#i have been flying a little too close to the sun recently and i am already feeling the Toll#admittedly not helped by the bonkers weather patterns and my Wretched Organ and accompanying hormonal changes#(didn't we just go through this process last month?)#I gotta take the cardboard out to the garage for holding until next recycle day (so much large carboard)#i gotta contact the state about my bennies#i gotta help retrieve bedphrame#i gotta clean Old Fridge to see if usable#i gotta go to heart doctor to discuss my hardbeeps and why sometimes some blood goes back to a chamber it's not supposed to go in#plus all the other shit going on with my hardbeeps and why they go so fast and so hard for no reasons#i just have a lot of things on#but i finally changed my address and i've cleaned my room recently and couch is assembled and we'll get gids to airborts and#it'll all be good#partner will retrieve metamour and then the family will be all together
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...What if I told you I had an absolute shit ton of Pokemon trainer OCs I want to share?
#Static screams into the void#And a lot of them are psychics.#Because Psychic trainers are cool.#So far I have:#a re-vamp of my Pokemon XY (and kinda Sun/Moon) OC from when I was 15#Who is now Lysandre's niece that wants to run away from Team Flare. (And Shauna's rival)#A Sword/Shield dude (who is a weirdo backpacker that can talk to ghosts)#My Scarlet/Violet dude who's a psychic and famous actor who took a 'break' from acting to be a teacher at the academy.#(And is also my XY OC's uncle on her late mother's side)#and recently I've been thinking of making a Sun/Moon Team Skull dude.#I love all of these OCs so fucking much man-#I just haven't had the time/motivation to post about them.#I'm half-tempted to make a dedicated sideblog for them since I have so many.#But it feels kinda weird to make a sideblog just for that.#If anyone is interested in that though I'll consider it.#(I might do it anyway if I really want to though dhfjshfj)#Sorry to randomly Pokemon infodump on ya dudes-#But these OCs have been on my mind a lot recently.#I might also make a similar sideblog for my Owl House OCs since I have a lot of OCs I want to show outside of Raven.#But not sure-#Making/designing characters is just fun as hell I guess.
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i love pokemon
#every so often i get into some other media#or hell i just dont think about pkmn too hard#but god i love it so much#i've been hit w some heavy waves of pokemon love recently#idk just. i owe a lot to that#it was my introduction to video gaming when i was young#even now pokemon games are among the few i can finish and not forget about#and i attribute it to my bond with my brother too a lot#since he's the one who introduced me#idk#the pokemon world obv has villains and stuff but its at heart such a kind world#and i have to not think of my own pokemon too hard otherwise i'll cry. i love my little guys#sun and moon especially. i know ppl criticize it for it's handholdy nature but by god#it came to me in a dark time and not only got me back into pokemon but also helped me realize my identity as a man#fuck. gonna cry thinking abt lillie and gladion#alola my beloved#pkmn#shark speaks#this post brought to you by im redoing my notion and decided to make some layouts based on my main team#i bought some charms of some of my pokemon by an artist#and not only did they recognize me from my other purchases but they left a note#w a sketch of the pokemon saying they bet my pokemon think im the coolest#and logically i KNOW its just as a sweet business tactic#but i did get emotional abt it
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fuck i forgot i was gonna draw
#mud rambles#i fucked up my sleep schedule again so i've been having a lot of brain fog recently#sigh#im naturally nocturnal but ive been trying to be awake during the day because once i get into the groove of it#and am awake during the day i actually feel energized because i get to see the sun lmfao#i need to be working again i need structure and i cannot self impose it lmfao#just picking up and taking my partner to work leaves too much time in between just doing nothing
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WHY DON'T PANIK AND TYTO HAVE DESIGNS. THEY'RE COOL AND RELEVANT!!!! 😤😤😤😤😤
ok answering this now just to say that it's because almost all the other characters had a design first and THEN a personality/role. tyto and panik had their role made later and I DID go thru a design or two but since I was working backwards it just. didn't work out? like ok a character getting a design at the same time as they got a personality/role is EXTREMELY rare with all of these. if a minor character has a face it's probably because the face came WAY before the character lol. like pedal had a design before gazer did but wasn't shoehorned into the story until like a few months ago. nil only got a face until like MAYBE a year ago after not having one for almost 4 years despite having a VERY developed character arc. like I've also got a hefty amount of other unused designs I probably COULD make tyto and panik but I just haven't clicked with anything yet
#ask and ye shall receive#anonymous#mortally coiled#it's a lot easier for me to plop a design into a less relevant spot#because. you know. it isn't that relevant#major characters take a LOT of work. you're just seeing the tail ends of what I've come up with#which is why it looks like I only have a very small amount of characters unaccounted for#also please don't diss roach :c I've been kinda underselling their role because it's just. kind of complicated#with a lot of it not touched on until the road trippers arc#but roach IS one of my oldest characters and means a LOT to me#and ALSO tyto and panik are only recent additions. for a while I just kinda played around with the idea of nil having backup#but didn't do much with them until MAYBE a few months ago this year???#like I am not exaggerating how long I've been working on this story. it's been over 5 years and it's gone through MULTIPLE major reworks#sorry sorry I don't mean to sound like upset or overly defensive or anything this is just a story that means a TON to me#and so do all the characters!!! I don't want to rush that sort of thing!!!#I've had multiple attempts at designing panik/tyto/sanctuary/the sun before and none of them WORKED#it's not from a lack of trying
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Am I doing good? No. But am I happy? Yes.
#get ready with me while I talk about the psychological effects of cannibalism!!#cannibalism is weirdly something I've discussed a lot for someone who gets nauseous after eating it#through when it's RAW then it's a completely different story you see.#the forbidden yum yum.... sigh#anyway!!!#new fandom hhyperfixation AND new style development.#i can't see if it's socialization that's making me better or dissociation. probably the first tho#hmm anyone thinks i can autism my way out of studying? pretty please???#i'm so stressed about reconciling with like. 3 people. i am so scum actually but at least i have a reason.#i mean; i'm doing ok. yes i've picked up sh again buuut ehhhhhhhhh#also. recently been thinking about my name. i love it actually#i love it i love when people say it i love that#they may butcher it a bit so that it is not what i'm used to. i love it when it's shortened and when people shorten it even more#i love it. i'm so proud of it. my identity may be completely different from what i think of this name but i am in love with it honestly.#it means. SO MUCH to me. i'm actually so emotional about it.#my identity is different my whole being is different but little me is another person with the same name. i stil use it.#came up with it on the whim because of dysphoria. pretended to be the gender i wanted to be.#i think those years were beautiful. i cried so much and was abused but i think the fleeting moments of happiness held me together#i love you blue i love you sasha i love you max i love you kis i love you soup i love you rin i love you fish i love you sun!!!!!#i love you all!!!!!#i love people i'm gonna cry. they're not in my life anymore but my love for them is hidden behind a veil of trauma and me forgetting them.#anyway. my hyperfixation is theia<3#i'm cosplaying rick. she's a planet i'm her future baby daddy what's not clicking.#the last tag is A JOKE i prommy i won't fuck the moon#spiral talks#CORRECTION I JUST. NOTICED I SAIT IT INSTEAD OF MEAT WHEN TALKING ABOUT CANNIBALISM#I AM NOT A CANNIBAL I ASSURE YOU
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oh no. i saw a tiktok somebody drew their oc as a cowboy bc they’re american, and my oc North is half, (it’s a scifi world) he is half alien race (koriath) and half human race (american), AND NOW I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM WITH A COWBOY HAT, THAT IS NOT HIS AESTHETIC HE IS A SUIT AND TIE AND TURTLENECK PERSON, HOW WOULD EVEN HIS HORNS FIT???? THEY WOULD HAVE TO HAVE HORN HOLES. WHAT AM I DOING TO MYSELF.
WHY DO I ALWAYS COME BACK TO COWBOYS, IT’S ALWAYS CONNECTED, STAR WARS, TRIGUN, EVEN VLD HELP. AT LEAST NOT YUGIOH oh wait I AM WRONG FUCKING JIM.
#HElp#OC#oc rambles#my oc#North#No joke the house of the rising sun is a song i've been listening to a lot recently and is in my top 20 songs probably#NORTHS MOM EVEN HAS A SOUTHERN DIALECT I AM SETTING MYSLEF UP FOR FAILURE
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