#i've been in a rough place mentally over the weekend

[arty-ffxiv]

Hey folks

Just wanted to say a quick thanks to everyone who has tagged me in things or sent in asks.

There's gonna be a bit of a delay with my responses as I've had a bad depression spiral over the weekend- feeling a bit better now but am still quite fatigued/ burnt out emotionally from it.

Love to you all, this blog is going to run on a queue for a little bit until I'm ready to come back ♥

[chlix]

baby, it's cold outside (no seriously it's crazy out there)

bf! chan x gn! reader: your car breaks down in a snowstorm and you have to walk home. chan is there to comfort you and warm you back up

pairing: chan x reader

genre: hurt/comfort, fluff

word count: 4.1k

warnings/tags: snowstorms, car trouble, sickness, a long series of unfortunate events that leave the reader miserable for most of the fic

a/n: this is a request from @caticorn61 who wanted chan being apologetic for not answering his phone after reader's car broke down. this is perhaps more than what u asked for 😅 but i hope you enjoy it anyway!

You are on a historic run of bad days.

You've never considered yourself to be particularly unlucky, but this past week has had you rethinking that orientation. Everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. On Monday your alarm didn't go off, making you late for work. Even worse, there was a meeting you'd forgotten about, so you had to slide awkwardly into the back of the room and pretend you didn't feel everyone's annoyed gazes. Tuesday was grocery shopping day, but you found out they discontinued your favorite brand of chips, and raised the price of an alternative, so you were forced to go home chip-less. Then, when you tried to take the groceries out of the car, one of the bags split open and sent your eggs, cheese, and blueberries crashing to the ground, buried in slush and snow. A total waste. Wednesday you woke up to find your heating had shut off in the night, and you were now shaking fit to break apart. Although maintenance promptly fixed your radiator, you developed an itch in your throat that only grew throughout the day and had developed into a full-blown cough by the next morning.

Which is where you are now on a subzero Thursday morning, ill and irritated and crawling your way towards the end of the week.

Your boyfriend, Chan, talks to you on the phone in soothing tones.

"I'm sorry your week has been so rough, baby," he says, and you can hear the dripping sympathy through the phone. "I know how it feels when little things pile up like that."

"I just don't know if I can take it anymore," you tell him. "It's like I've been cursed. I'm afraid if I walk outside a piano will fall on me and crush me."

You're half-joking when you say that, but Chan can hear that the other half is vaguely on hysterical.

"I don't think anyone is moving pianos in this weather," he says very reasonably. "Just stay away from luxury apartments if you're worried."

You set your bag down and put your face in your hands, taking slow, deep breaths. Your phone is on speaker, and you can hear Chan hum, trying to comfort you even though he's in his own dorm across the city.

"It'll all be okay, Y/n. And I'll see you this weekend, yeah? I'll come over Friday night and you'll have me all to yourself. Just stay strong."

You exhale, long and loud. "You promise?"

"I promise. Be strong for me, babygirl."

You blink the dampness out of your eyes and straighten up. "Okay. I can do that."

"And drink some tea. Your voice sounds kind of rough."

"Don't get me started again, please."

By the time you hang up, you don't feel understood, but you do feel seen. You fill up a thermos with tea, put on your coat, and mentally prepare yourself to leave the apartment.

It's only two more days, you remind yourself. The weekend will fix me. It'll break this curse that's been placed upon me. You force yourself to have a positive outlook. You will not have another bad day. You will be strong.

All day, you force yourself to react to every potentially meltdown-inducing incident with grace and poise. You realize you forgot your lunch and have to eat cheap candy from the vending machine for lunch? That's totally fine. Your boss adds another item to your to list, forcing you to stay later to finish everything and close up? You really don't mind. Your best friend texts you that she's been stalking her ex on Instagram again and you won't believe it but he already has a new girlfriend, y/n, can you fucking believe it, we've only been broken up for like two weeks and he's buying her fucking jewelry, and you respond what an asshole. he has a new gf and he didn't block his ex? while your eye twitches.

By the time you finish all your tasks and close up, your face hurts from holding a smile you don't feel. You're the last one out, so you make sure the building is locked and make your way across the empty parking lot to your car. The forecast predicted snow tonight, and already the ground is littered with white. The flakes are fat and sticky- they're already building up on the undisturbed portions of pavement. You have to quickly brush off your windows and mirrors before you can get into your car, slamming the door behind you.

You made it. You survived. It was a godawful Thursday but you conquered it.

"One more day," you whisper to yourself. "Just one more day."

You lock the door and put the key in the ignition. The dashboard lights up and the engine turns.....and turns....and turns.....

A rock forms in your stomach.

"No," you say. "No no no no no." You twist the key again, but the engine whirs and whirs and whirs...and does not turn over. Your car does not start.

It's not news to you that your car is a piece of shit. You and Chan discuss this almost every night- what to do about this fuckass car. You've been resistant to letting him help you pay for a new one, partially because that's a lot of money and partly because you're sentimentally attached to the old rustbucket. You inherited it from a family member as a birthday gift, and so despite it being less than reliable you're hesitant to seek solutions. It's your first car, after all. It's a part of you now.

In this moment, however, you want to throw all that sentimentally down the drain along with the keys to this absolutely useless fucking rustbucket of a vehicle.

Not to worry, you tell yourself. I'll just call Chan to come get me. We can deal with my car in the morning.

You take out your phone and call him. The call rings out.

You stare at your phone, confused. It's not like him to ignore your calls, especially not at this hour. It's pitch black with winter but it's still arguably early in the night. Chan is likely to still be awake, but it's unlikely he's doing any kind of official task. And it's so late that he would know to answer; you would never call him for something frivolous at this time of night. You call again.

No answer.

Your patience is running thin now. You consider calling your best friend, but she's out of town visiting family. Your other friend, Seohyeon, doesn't have a car, and her boyfriend's car is currently being repaired. The bus you sometimes take is about a fifteen minute walk down the street, but it'll have stopped running this far out by now, so you'd have to walk to a further bus stop and then go to the transportation terminal and connect, which would take over an hour. You could walk to the subway, you think, but you lost your subway card weeks ago and never got around to replacing it, and honestly it just seems like a whole ordeal you can't bring yourself to stomach right now. Chills go down your spine, and you can't tell if it's from the cold or from the increasing precarity of your situation.

You try the engine again. No dice.

You call Chan again. Voicemail again.

You lean your head on the steering wheel and take long, deep breaths. Outside your window, the wind is picking up, making the snow fall at a diagonal instead of straight down. It would be terrible to walk in, especially because the direction you need to go to get home would cause the snow to blow right in your face. Your throat is killing you, but your thermos of tea is long since empty. Maybe you should just go back into the work building and hunker down for the night. Maybe you should sit in the car and turn into an icicle. Your head is a foggy mess, thoughts twisting all around. You're getting hysterical again. You can feel yourself cracking to pieces.

Think, y/n. Who else can you call?

You're all out of people you know personally, but you could call an Uber. It's pricey and arguably unsafe, and you normally wouldn't, but these are extenuating circumstances. It solves the problem of being stranded, and again, you can deal with your car at a later point. And at least when Chan finally calls you back, you'll be safe at home, so he won't have to feel guilty about missing your calls three times.

You lean back in your seat and open the Uber app. Thankfully you still have it installed, and it still has all your info in it from the last time you called someone to take you home. Just as you're about to finish the transaction, your phone freezes. The screen flashes, then goes dark. You press the power button once, then again, frantically.

Your phone is dead.

Immediately, you scramble for your console, searching for a power cable to connect the phone to the car battery. Your cable is gone. You remember, horrified, that you took the cable out of your car because the one in your living room at home had started fraying. You meant to replace it but you never did. You're normally pretty good at leaving the house in the morning with it mostly charged.

But it's nighttime now, and your battery is dead. You have no charging cables, which means you can't call an Uber. You can't call anybody. And you can't even go to the subway now because your debit card is on your phone, so you can't refill your subway card.

A terrible despair fills you.

You have to walk home in a snowstorm.

As soon as the thought materializes, tears start to well in your eyes. This is too much for you to take, would be too much for you even if you'd had a perfectly good day today. This isn't fait. How can this be happening to you? Why is the universe punishing you like this? And when is it going to stop? Again you wish you could just sit in your car and turn into an icicle, let someone else defrost you in the morning. You think having a piano fall on your head would be better than this.

Eventually you manage to get yourself to calm down. Sitting in this car freezing isn't gonna do you any good. It'll only get colder by the hour. You need to walk to the far bus stop and catch another bus before they actually stop running, and you really are stranded instead of just doomed to walk forty minutes in a blizzard.

As if there's a difference, you think bitterly as you put your useless phone into your bag and bundle everything up. You put your gloves back on, and your hat. You step out of your car, slamming the door behind you, and zip up your jacket. Of course, you hadn't thought to wear a scarf today, so your face will just have to freeze. After only 30 seconds you feel your lips cracking.

"Okay," you whisper. "Okay okay okay okay."

You set off in the direction of the bus.

-/-

The journey is long and cold. It's not so much the temperature as the fact that you never have the chance to get used to it because it just keeps getting holder as the night wears on. It takes a ridiculously long time to walk to the bus stop, because you're fighting headwind every step of the way. You want to close your eyes against the snow, but if you do that you'll veer off course or fall into the road or trip on an ice slick and die, so you brave the stinging and push forward. Then you wait at the bus stop so long that your already sore feet start to scream with pain. Your phone is dead, so there's no way for you to track the bus, but you conclude you must have just missed the previous one as it takes a full thirty minutes for it to come again. By the time the bus pulls up in front of you, your feet are almost buried, and when you take your seat, every part of you squelches and slides as the snow melts, drenching your clothes.

The bus is at least warm, and so is the transport center, but the second bus drops you off another twenty-five minute walk from your apartment and you're forced to walk- you guessed it!- uphill. Your calves are screaming from the exertion, and from cold, and from keeping your balance as you trudge through the piling snow. You have a death grip on your keys- if they were to fall out somewhere between work and home you would simply lie down on the ground and let the snow bury you. It would be more than you could take. But your keys stay in your tightly clenched fists, and soon your apartment building becomes visible through the dark and haze. You want to cry tears of relief but your tear ducts are frozen shut.

By the time you traipse up the steps of your apartment, you feel more popsicle than person. You are so cold. Your hands shake so much it takes you a few tries to get the keys from your pocket and stick them in the lock. You step inside, sagging as the heat blasts you in the face. All you want to do is collapse into bed and curl under your blankets where the world can't see you, to get a little bit of sleep before your torture begins anew tomorrow. The thought of going to work on Friday strikes a physical pain in you. You've barely survived today, and yet tomorrow looms terrible just out of reach.

You go to turn on the lights only to realize that the lights are already on. Your heart skips a beat. Did someone break into your apartment? Should you turn around and flee? But you don't have a car, and you certainly aren't walking back to the bus stop. You have nowhere to go.

A figure turns the corner and you flinch back, hands half-raised in some pathetic attempt to defend yourself-

It's Chan. He turns the corner and it's your boyfriend, standing on your tile floor in sweats and a big sweater, eyes bright and twinkling with how excited he is to see you.

"Hey, sweetheart," Chan says. "You're finally back. I saw you called earlier and got worried something was wrong."

You burst into tears. You're crying before you even know it, violent sobs that shake you and make water droplets roll off your soaked hair. Salt burns your frozen tear ducts, and snow is slipping down your collar, but all these small discomforts are overshadowed by the pure and all-consuming relief that your boyfriend is here in the flesh, asking after you and taking care of you, and you can finally stop fighting to keep it together. You can rest.

Chan makes a sound of alarm and rushes forward to grab you as you start to list.

"Baby? Hey, hey, what's wrong? Christ, you look terrible. Are you sick?" He tries to put his hand against your forehead but pulls it away just as fast. "You're cold as ice, y/n."

"I w-walked home," you try to explain. Your tongue is thick in your mouth, and it's hard to get enough air to speak through your sobs. "Car broke down, phone died, b-bus was late."

"Fuck, sweetheart. I'm so fucking sorry. That sounds terrible."

His validation of your misery just makes you cry harder. Chan pulls you into a fierce hug and you bury your face in his shoulder and absolutely lose it. All the stress of the last week crashes down on you at once, your misery overwhelming you. You grab at his clothes with gloved hands, and there's about four layers of clothes between you, and it's not enough, you want to be closer. But at the same time you can't make yourself pull away from Chan's embrace. He whispers soothing words in your ear, rocks you back and forth, presses closed mouth kisses to any part of you he can reach. He doesn't shush you, or try to calm you down. He just lets you have the emotional release he knows you sorely need.

When your cries start to slow, he gives you one final squeeze to catch your attention, and whispers, "We need to get you out of these clothes, hmm? Does that sound okay?"

You swallow the last of your sobs and nod morosely.

"Okay then. Let's take your jacket off. It's soaking wet by now."

You step back from Chan, still holding on to his arm as you stumble and sway. You're so tired. Standing up for even a second longer is too big of an ask.

"Just lean on me. It's okay, I won't let you fall."

Together, you unfasten and take off your heavy winter coat, letting it fall to the floor with the slush you dragged in. Chan is the one who crouches down to untie your shoes, and you lean on him for support as you remove one foot, then the other.

"Good job," he praises, pressing a kiss to your snow-soaked hair. "Let's get you warmed up now."

He leads you to the bathroom and starts the water running in the tub. You listlessly undress, leaning on the counter for support when you need it. While the tub is filling, Chan tries to leave, but you catch him by the shoulder on his way past you, stopping him in his tracks.

"Stay?"

"Of course I'll stay," he says. "I just want to get you a change of clothes."

You hesitantly let go of him, and he flashes you a reassuring smile before he slips out. You sit down on the toilet and wait patiently for his return, watching the water fill the tub slowly and feeling your thoughts move sluggishly in your brain.

The sound of the water stopping jolts you back to the present. Chan is back, in a regular t-shirt this time, leaning over the bathtub to make sure the water is the right temperature. Deeming it good enough, he turns back to you and stretches out a hand to you.

As soon as you sit down in the warm water, you feel about ten times better. The warmth unties some of the tension that coils your muscles, and it quells the shivering that had started up as you were sitting on the toilet waiting to be told what to do. Chan urges you to slide down so you're almost submerged, making sure almost all your body is enveloped in warmth, and starts dumping warm water over your head, soaking your hair and washing out the remnants of grime and slush. He's quiet as he does it, humming a low tune, and you close your eyes and let him do as he wants. When he's done, he taps your shoulder, and you sit up, mourning the loss of warmth as your back and chest are exposed to the bathroom air.

"Do you mind?" he asks. You shake his head, uncaring of what he's referring to. You'd let him do anything to you in this state. It turns out "anything" means washing your back, so you again sit still and let him do as he pleases. The pressure of his hands and the sound of his voice, still humming, gradually soothe your mind and body. You stop shivering and tune back into your surroundings.

He's subtly watching your face, so he sees when you come back to yourself and drops his neutral expression. "Back with me?"

You nod. The floaty feelings from being cold and hysterical are gone, but that just means the exhaustion of your day is hitting you full force. You hold out your hand for the washcloth so you can clean the rest of yourself, and he hands it over, but doesn't move to leave, which you appreciate. Now that you're calmer, you think you might be a little more embarrassed asking him to stay.

"I know you said this morning you were cursed, but I didn't think you meant literally," he tries to joke.

You let out a long breath. "I didn't think I meant literally either."

"Wanna talk about it?"

You shrug as you rub the washcloth along your legs, wincing when you remove your still-freezing toes from the water. "What can I say? It was a shit day at work with a shit ending."

"You said your car broke down."

You squeeze your eyes shut. You are not in the mood for this argument. "It just wouldn't start. I don't know what's wrong with it."

"Y/n..." He doesn't say anything more. He knows as well as you do that you'll get nowhere. It's enough to set you off though, now that your exhaustion is making you irritatble.

"It wouldn't have mattered either way if you'd picked up the phone when I called you," you snap. It's unfair and you know it, but before you can begin to feel remorse, Chan's face turns to one of guilt.

"I know, I'm sorry. I still had it silenced from work and didn't realize. When I saw that you called me I tried to call back but the calls didn't go through."

"My phone died. That's why I didn't call an Uber."

Chan shakes his head. "I would call this comical if it wasn't so clearly stressing you out."

"You can still call it comical. Just not within earshot."

"Surely you think better of me than that."

"I do," you say, completely serious. "Sorry. I'm not mad you didn't answer. It's just been a shitty day."

Chan squeezes your shoulder in understanding. "It's alright. I get it."

"I'm really grateful you're here," you say, and you're getting choked up again, emotions all out of whack. "I've never been so happy to see anyone."

"You called three times. Since I couldn't get a hold of you, I hoped you'd still come home and we could talk here."

"You're too good to me."

"I'm exactly as good as you deserve." He leans down to kiss you, long and loving and warm, and the last of the chill in your bones slides away.

-/-

The next morning, Chan calls you in sick before you even wake up. He has to leave for the morning, but comes back around noon with ingredients to make you soup and tea, and rouses you for lunch with all the care and gentleness in the world.  He curls next to you in bed despite your protests that you'll get him sick, but then, it's not like you protest that hard. You're still feverish and needy, and maybe it's not the most ridiculous thing in the world to want to lie in your boyfriend's arms as you recover from what you're pretty sure is mild hypothermia mixed with the flu.

"We were gonna hang out this weekend," you say morosely. "Now I'm trapped in this bed and you're stuck taking care of me."

"Taking care of you is my favorite form of hanging out," he informs you, cleaning away the mug and bowl to bring back to the kitchen. "And hanging up the phone on your boss is my favorite passtime."

"You did not hang up on them," you gasp, hand over your mouth.

Chan shrugs, unbothered. "They seemed a little too annoyed about my request to not tow your car out of the parking lot. I made it very clear that it better be there when you get back on Monday or else."

"So selfless. You could've let them tow it and finally been victorious."

He turns from the kitchen and sits back down on the bed. "You like that car. I'm not going to keep insisting you get rid of it when it means so much to you. Even if I do blame it for the events of yesterday." You glare and he puts his hands up defensively. "If it's not my fault or your fault then I have to blame the car. Sorry not sorry."

"Blame the cursed spirit following me around," you say, sinking miserably into the blankets. "It possessed the engine of my car just to torment me."

"Even more reason to get rid of it."

You're feverish and tired, but the conversation makes you smile nonetheless. "Ask me again when my fever breaks if you still think I should keep it. Maybe it'll burn away the sentimental attachment."

"Don't get my hopes up."

You close your eyes as Chan kisses your forehead, and you slide easily into pleasant dreams.

[lychgate]

i haven't posted a really poorly drawn thought piece adventure in years so here's a brief update!

hope i hit the read more thing right oh well anyway:

"Spent a lot of time applying for a home loan. I had to pay -fucked up- to have a convincing income for a decent loan. It was very confusing but cody helped me a lot."

"Cody proposed to me It felt wonderful that someone wanted to share their time and love with me. Cody proposed Anthrohio weekend, it's the con we really met at."

"We saw the listing that sunday morning before we had to go to our table to vend."

"It was a perfect house. We were the first people to view it and we immediately put in a bid. And we got the house. Many papers to sign."

"Moving was not easy. It took 2 whole months. Cody was out of town helping their grandma recover from a big surgery and we had to sell their old house/move that as well as move from my apartment. ALSO THE PETS: My cat dick wolf + Cody's 3 birds. Until we could get some doors installed and separate the house, I had to live between two places every day to feed and care for them."

"Still, life was good. I bought my first house! It has a swing in the backyard. I've never had my own backyard. I've never even lived somewhere that had trees (in said yard) It felt nice. Living together with the love of my life and 4 pets."

"Through all this i never closed my shop. How could I? It was my income, and I just bought a house. It needed to stay open. Moving that much inventory, setting up a new office, the house is a nice size but it's not huge, so, very careful organizing had to be executed if I wanted my apparel laid out right. (Which I totally managed to do)"

"but i Did get really good at baking pies. the two are connected."

"sacred_crow on instagram!"

"there's like 25 of u bastards i would absolutely die for, and about 75 more that i would go nearly dead over."

"We have an extra bedroom so I got to turn it into a toy room. There's games, crafts, stuffed animals, movies, a sick loft I painted the shit out of. It rules. It brings me a lot of Joy."

"Under the loft we have a dug out where we can watch VHS tapes. I love to sit with Cody and watch movies and play Donkey Kong."

"I am not good at Banjo Kazooie, but Cody is. Cody is so talented. I love watching them play games. (Depicted is not banjo kazooie but donkey kong country 2 as we are currently playing that. I'm good at DKC but I will still swear and make sounds like im about to throw up)"

"Half the basement is finished, so we turned it into a dual office space. It rules. Cody has a whole side for fursuit crafting, and my side is mostly my gigantic gamer computer area/shipping area. I took a whole wall to put all my non apparel merch like pins charms and notebooks also. for hte love of god someone buy the notebooks they take up more space then i wanted"

"I love to look over from my computer and see cody working. They always look so focused, yet peaceful."

"It's winter but it rains. I miss the snow. I lived by the lakes growing up. I miss piles of snow. It's just wet and cold here. Yes i'm quite aware of global warming"

"I got kicked off both my health and car insurance. I fixed the car one but health insurance still no. All my meds have gone away. The past few months have been hard. I think way too much lately. I can't get myself to do anything. -this is a whole page of downer bullshit and i cropped it!-"

"We had a leaky ceiling that took a month to fix. Cody did all the work because they are smart and kind."

"Oh yeah I had my uterus removed earlier this year. They let me keep it. It's in a jar in my living room."

"We threw a very nice halloween party. I was the green m&m. Cody was the monarch."

"We adopted 8 beautiful kiwis from a crane machine at the mall. we spent over 100 monies to get them but it was worth it."

"

It was a rough year. My health is in decline. Our country may try to end my life for being trans soon (lol?) I am in hte middle of a colossal mental breakdown of my core fundamental behavior (depression advanced) BUT ALSO: I am engaged to my favorite person. We bought a house together. I'm beginning a new chapter of my life. I have a swing in my backyard. The negatives suck but there are also many positives. The cycle of emotions is immense, but there is beauty in it. There is beauty in life, and isn't that wonderful?"

[msgexymunson]

The Rhythm Of The Night

Fem!reader v older!drugdealer!eddie

Overview: The weekend has landed and you're out clubbing, as you often do, and your hot drug dealer is tagging along. Safe to say, things get a little heated! 

AN: 90s AU, Eddie is 31, reader non specific around early 20s. I've been out for a while, struggling with mental health, so I hope this finds you all in a better state than I've been. Remember, comments and reblogs are my life blood. P.S. Before you ask, yes it is very much possible (if you know, you know)

Warnings: reader uses she/her pronouns, a lot of smut, some of it fluffy, slight age gap, NSFW (minors DNI or I'll tell your mother) female fingering, boob play, P in V unprotected sex (be safe guys and girls), drug taking, descriptions of drug taking and highs, sex whilst high (!!)

10k words

Masterlist

OK, it’s all good. You’re gonna be fine. You say softly to yourself as you hug your coat tight around you, too long sleeves hiding your chilly fingers. Hopping from one foot to the next you try to mentally coax yourself to a comfortable state. It’s clearly not working. 

You’re just going out. Clubbing, like you have dozens of times with your friends. And Eddie, your insanely hot drug dealer, is tagging along. No biggie. 

But it is a biggie. Since you’d met the messy haired rocker you were smitten; utterly taken by his rough demeanour, roguish grin and deep brown eyes. Eyes you could lose yourself in. You nearly had. 

Your schoolgirl crush had done nothing but expand on each meeting with him. Stolen glances and flushed cheeks peppered the memories of your rendezvous, along with perpetual flirtatious comments. You came to quickly learn that Eddie flirts just as easy as breathing. He’s a charmer; a salesman. Brushing it off as just Eddie’s personality was a different matter. Your brain told you it was just his nature; but your heart lingered on every word. 

Rubbing your hands together in their impromptu hiding place, you blow on them to attempt to warm them up, your mind wandering to earlier today. 

It was supposed to be just a regular pick up. You had needed to collect some ‘social medication’ from Eddie for the rave tonight, so you had bounced over there, happy to have an excuse to see him. 

The door had flown open sooner than you had expected, which forced an already chapped bottom lip to be sucked in between your teeth as you bit softly on the broken skin. 

"Hey bunny, you're early." Eddie's smile smeared across his face, buttery and filling; his teeth flashing with earnest and a dash of debauchery. His chin was marked with his rough stubble; a dark rugged nearly beard that was permanently etched across his features.

"Hey Eds!" You fired back with an innocent grin of your own.

You remember it clearly, him leaning on the doorframe shirtless, showing off countless cheap tattoos littered across his alabaster skin. You knew about the tattoos, but you had no idea about his pierced nipples. They gleamed in the light; the silver bars caught your eye and refused to let go. His teasingly muscular frame was fully displayed, making you dart your pink tongue out to lick your lips impulsively. He looked naturally muscular, erring on the side of skinny. More inclined to slenderness in your mind; you thought he was probably not fussed enough about his image to work out. 

Your eyes widened as you realised you were staring, and you forced your gaze away and back to his. A knowing smirk pulled at Eddie's cheeks, altogether a bit too sure of himself, as per usual. 

"Sorry, didn't have time to change, you know?" Eddie lied through his teeth. Of course he had time to change. You knew it as well as he did. A part of you had wished that he had stayed shirtless because he felt the same way you did, but you were almost certain the reason was just to see your reaction. 

"Yeah, sure, sorry to bounce in on you like this." You had shrugged in an attempt to act blasé about his partial nudity, despite how your cheeks had rapidly grown in heat. Just thinking about it now had your face flushing in solidarity. 

"Well, you are one for bouncing. Should've known, Bunny." He laughed, drinking in your figure with his eyes, before he gestured for you to make yourself comfortable. Eddie had made his way over to his desk to find what you wanted; scrambling through the drawers haphazardly. 

"Aha! There you are, you lil sucker" Eddie exclaimed whilst he tugged a familiar tiny plastic bag from the bottom drawer. It had hearts inlaid on the clip close rim; the contents were a crystalline, slightly yellowish substance. MDMA. That same baggy currently resides inside a fabric pocket in your bra. You try to forget its presence so you’re less nervous when it comes to getting into the club. 

"Thanks, you're a lifesaver!" You had made grabby hands at him which earned a warm chuckle. He held it out of reach, just to see your endearing pout. 

"Now, remember, plenty of water, sips not gulps. And don't chew your tongue." As he wagged a teacher's finger at you, he tossed the baggy. 

Rolling your eyes at that, you catch the bag clumsily. He had held out his hand and you had stared at it doltishly in a feeble attempt to get free drugs.

"Come on trouble, don't play dumb with me."

Eddie had given you an admonishing look, but there was no bite to it. As you huffed dramatically, you reached in your pocket and handed him a couple of crumpled notes. As he reached to take them, he held your hand for a second. You feel a flash of heat through you at the mere memory of his touch. 

"Now, I can't keep giving freebies to all the pretty girls, or I won't earn anything at all." 

You flushed at that; the apples of your cheeks had diffused into a deep magenta. He thinks you're pretty. That phrase had turned around and around in your head all day. 

"Besides, I'm broke right now." 

Before you could have processed how to speak properly, you had blurted out "come raving with me!" 

"Oh Bunny, that's not really my scene, you know that." 

"I know but, I mean, if you're broke, you could earn a bit of cash."

"I suppose you're right." 

"It'll be awesome, Eds, trust me." You grinned hugely as you gave him the details of where to meet, practically vibrating with excitement. 

It was only after you had left, with lingering thoughts of Eddie’s bare torso in your mind, that reality decided to hit you like a ton of bricks. 

I can barely speak to him without getting nervous or embarrassed and saying some stupid shit; how the hell am I going to survive tonight? 

Shaking your head, wishing it was some sort of etch-a-sketch, you focus back on your calming mantra, trying to block out the creeping nerves winding around your spine like unwanted vines. 

Huffing into the night air, you shimmy your coat sleeve up to check the time on your watch when a large pair of hands grab you by the waist and a gravelly voice whispers in your ear, “baby you come here often?” 

Jumping bodily, you twist to face your attacker and realise it’s Eddie. 

“Eddie I was about to punch you, fuck!” 

Eddie laughs deep in his throat, hands travelling to hold you by the hips. Your heart jumps at the unfamiliar gesture. 

“Sorry bunny, couldn’t resist. I’ll make it up to you, promise.” That grin, that damn wink. Any resolve you had melts in their wake as you stare up into those chocolate brown eyes. 

“Shall we, er, go?” You manage to stumble out, voice suddenly as skittish as a mare. 

“Lead the way, trouble.” Eddie smirks, giving your hips a final squeeze.

Trying your best to ignore the rush of blood to your cheeks you lead him around a few side streets and down an alley. You had arranged to meet your friends a couple of streets away from the club. 

“Well, look at the bunny leading me down some alley; what are you planning on doing with me?” 

You roll your eyes in his direction. “Yeah, you wish, Eds. We’re meeting my friends, just around this corner.” 

“Shame.” A further blush threatens to inch across your face at that, whilst a thought of a smile tugs at your lips. You look over to Eddie to catch him staring straight at you and quickly look away. Maybe he does like me? 

You’re unable to dwell on the look however, as the minute you turn a corner you hear a loud, obnoxious voice shout “BUNNY!” 

Before you can react a tall, lanky dark haired boy wraps himself in a koala hug around your middle. 

“Tech! Good evening!” You smile. He peels himself off you in order to give Eddie an appraising look. 

“Well, well, the infamous Eddie. Pleasure to meet you.” As he sticks his hand out. Eddie takes it, and finds himself pulled into a hug he was not expecting judging from the look on his face. Coughing, he pats Tech on the back. “Er, pleasure dude.” 

“Been pre gaming, Tech?” You giggle. 

“Only always!” He responds with a toothy grin. 

Pointing at your other friends, you introduce the short blond with the shy smile “Eddie, this is Panda.” She waves with her fingers and blushes. Pointing to the built guy with the dreadlocks you smile “And Mustard.” 

Mustard pouts, “I told you guys to stop calling me that!” His indignation is merely met with giggles from you and your friends. 

As you take Eddie’s arm and start leading him round the corner to the club you feel him bend slightly to speak in your ear. 

“So, anyone have a real name or is this gonna be a theme?” 

You giggle, “Well Tech’s name is Wojtech, it's Polish, so technically it’s his real name. Plus, he is our own very camp IT whiz. Panda, well we met her with that name, we kinda took her in, you know?” 

“Ah, that's good. I hear Panda’s are going extinct. Very humanitarian of you.” 

“Indeed.” You smirk up at him in time to see his warm smile pouring towards you, and feel a heat pool in your belly. 

Approaching a lit doorway with a metal barrier outside, your group stops behind a small queue of fellow party goers. You and Eddie hang back whilst your friends fumble about in various pockets for their entry tickets. You already have yours and Eddies clutched in your hand slightly too hard, crumpling the card with nerves. 

"And, erm… Mustard?" 

You giggle, dropping your voice a little lower given the content of your conversation. Eddie bends lower so you can whisper to him. "Yes, but he hates it. We were at an after party, he'd taken a crap load of speed. We were all winding down and he kept asking us to play Cluedo. Well Tech shouted, 'who do you think you are, Colonel fucking Mustard?' And we just lost it." You smile broadly at the memory while Eddie snorts out a deep laugh. 

Your friends get their tickets taken and after a brief pat down they're ushered through. Pretty soon you're next in line.

"Tickets please." Looking up, you meet the gaze of a tall burly doorman, all lack of neck and set jaw. His colleague looks equally unamused and threatening, eyeing Eddie up and down. 

"Here's our tickets fellas." He takes them, inspects them briefly, then pockets them. 

You hold your canvas bag out whilst he shines a torch in it.

 "Do you want one of these?" You fish in your bag and hold out a few candy suckers. Eddie's staring at you in disbelief.  

The shorter one looks shocked and shakes his head, but then leans over to grab one anyway. No Neck's face breaks into a huge childlike grin. 

"Now, I haven't had one of these in years! Thank you, miss. Do you have a grape one?" 

You giggle and fish out the flavour for him and he takes it with his large paw, fiddling with the wrapper. 

"Go on through, have a great night." 

"Thank you!" You beam at him and waltz through the door. 

Eddie strides to catch up as you start walking up a wide staircase, already hearing the tell tale thumping of heavy bass. 

Grabbing your arm, he leans in, hot breath in your ear making you shiver. 

"They didn't even search us! You've got balls of steel, Bunny." 

Blushing at the fact you impressed him, you lead him up the staircase and over to the coat check. 

"What can I say, I aim to please." 

"I bet you do." He whispers, and his lips brush the edge of your ear softly. A small gasp escapes your lips at the contact. 

As he breaks away, you know there's a smug grin smeared all over that handsome face, so you decide to not give him the satisfaction of a look, and instead focus on the coat check girl. 

"Just want to check this coat please, Eddie do you want to do yours too?" 

"Sure" He says, shrugging off his leather jacket. He's wearing his signature black jeans, hugging his legs deliciously, and a white fitted t-shirt. Simple, but damn, he looked fine. You swear you could just make out the balls of his nipple piercings, now that you knew they were there. 

Realising you were staring, you look up at his face. To your surprise he looks embarrassed. 

"I, er, didn't know what people wear to raves," he chuckles. 

"No, you look good. Real good." Coughing, you look away and take your own coat off whilst he checks his. 

As you hand your jacket over, you hear him whistle out lowly behind you. 

"Holy hell Bunny. This what you wear outside??" Turning to face him, you can feel his eyes roaming all over your scantily clad form as he strokes the back of his neck compulsively. 

You must admit, you look good tonight. Maybe a little extra effort went in knowing Eddie would see you. Maybe just a little less clothing than usual. So what?

Well aware that you looked your best in pink and blue, you had chosen a tiny blue bra top with pink edging, and a pleated blue mini skirt that barely covered your ass with hot pants underneath since you'll definitely be dancing on a podium somewhere in the club tonight. A simple pink choker and a few kandi bracelets completed the look. 

Eddie looks like he's about 30 seconds away from eating you alive. 

"What, this old thing?" You tease, giving him a twirl and a tiny curtesy with the tiniest of skirts. 

"Damn." Eddie's hand roams to his mouth, rubbing his stubbled face whilst he continues to gobble you up in his head, or at least that's what it looks like to you. You'd never known him to be speechless; he was usually the one with the witty comebacks. It was your turn to smile smugly for once. 

"If you're done perving, shall we go in?" 

"Oh I am so not done, but yeah let's go." He grins back. 

You roll your eyes at him but you're still grinning, excitement bubbling in your belly. Turning to the next set of stairs you lead the way, knowing full well Eddie's getting a choice view of your ass. 

What the hell are you doing? This has certainly swam out of the paddling pool of playful flirting and was quickly taking a deep dive somewhere. You know full well this is a Bad Idea™. The guy is a drug dealer, and you're flashing your goodies at him. You hardly knew the guy. 

A drink. It was definitely time for a drink. 

You enter the main area, a sort of meet up spot between the two dance floors. The music was quieter here, but the throb of bass could still be felt in your gut. Predictably, you spot your friends queuing at the bar. 

"What do you want to drink, Bunny?" 

"Oh, a vodka lemonade would be great, thanks." 

Eddie moves past you, close to your side since the room was heaving with people. You feel the not so subtle drag of his hand as it presses to your lower back, and dips just enough to get a feel of your ass before winking at you as he goes by. 

Well that was a bit fucking forward. Not that you didn't enjoy it, quite the opposite in fact. The fleeting touch had you biting your lip enough to taste blood. If there were still any doubts about what Eddie wanted they dissolved immediately. 

You sauntered over to your group of friends as they exited the throng of people congregating around the bar and walked with them over to a high table. No seats were free as per usual but it was at least a ledge to place drinks, and something for you to lean on. All these salacious thoughts had your knees ready to buckle. 

"Bunny! I got you a bottle of water for your party pack!" Tech practically sang out. You laugh and take it gratefully, depositing it in your little canvas bag. You know you'll need it later. 

"Thanks Tech babe." And you kiss him on the cheek. 

"Hey, calm it, I don't want guys thinking I'm straight!" He says animatedly. 

Mustard responds, "Tech, there ain't no way you come across as straight." 

"Hey, that's not true! You think I'm camp?" 

"As Christmas." Eddie's voice cuts through as he places your drink in front of you and casually throws his arm over your shoulders. Tech's eyes go wide as he not so subtly gives you a look and a nod. Panda giggles. Mustard? Well, he just looks pissed off. You notice Eddie's looking straight at him, and he's the only one who looked at Eddie and not you. You could practically smell the testosterone from here. Oh dear. 

"Bunny, you look so pretty tonight!" Panda squeaks across the table, breaking the tension. 

"Aw thanks babe, so do you, I love your top!" 

"Thank you!" Panda beams. "You look really good too Chris, by the way." Her face flushes, stealing a glance at Mustard. 

"Er, whose Chris? I only see Colonel Mustard." Tech says chuckling. Mustard throws him a murderous look. 

"Hang on, can I ask something?" Eddie asks, addressing the group. "Why do you call Bunny, well, Bunny?" 

You wince, your cheeks flushed with heat despite the lack of clothes. 

The gang look confused, glancing back and forth to each other. Panda quietly says, "I think you have to tell us, Eddie." 

"Huh?" Eddie looks puzzled, taking his arm off you for a second so he can see your face as he takes a sip of his drink. 

Typically, Tech is the one to butt right in and embarrass you. 

"Well, you gave her the name! She told us you called her Bunny and she wouldn't shut up about you and-" 

"OK Tech that's enough" you interjected, already cringing more than you are sure is healthy. 

"Oh really?" Eddie's clearly loving this. He leans on the table to get a close view of your face which you promptly hide in your hands. 

"Don't you have like, a job to do?" You say through your palms. 

Knocking his drink back, Eddie claps his hands together. 

"You're right. Whose first?" Tech sticks his hand in the air, and he and Mustard start to walk him over to the restroom to do a deal. 

"Don't think this conversation is over Bunny!" Eddie shouts over his shoulder at you. 

Panda's smile is wide. "He's cute." 

"Oh he's hot, but I don't really know him that well, you know?" 

"Yeah, but you'll never get to know him with that attitude!" 

You smile at her, she's always such a ray of sunshine. "Come on, I'm not ready to drop just yet, let's have a dance." 

You finish your drinks and make your way to the main room. The second the doors open the heat and the noise slam into your abdomen. You can practically feel the music vibrating through your lungs. The dance floor is smoky; lights are flashing and the room is heaving with dancing bodies. You shoulder barge through and find a spot for the pair of you right under the DJ booth. 

This is the reason you rave. The feeling, the music, the dancing. Being able to just let go and have no responsibilities, not a care in the world except maybe when you were going to take drugs. And when that happens, it's the same feeling but multiplied by a thousand. 

You and Panda dance away, feeling the rhythm and snatching shouted conversation in each other's ears here and there. Pretty soon you're both sweaty and laughing, and ready for a small break. 

"Bunny, I need medication, come on!" She drags you to the restroom where you sneak into a cubicle together. Fishing the little baggy out of your bra, you hand it to Panda first.

"Hearts? Cute." 

"Yeah? Eddie gave it to me. You think he meant something?" 

Panda took a bit out of the bag and put it on the toilet seat cover, smashing it into a line with a card. She passes the baggy back and you take a sizable crystal out and swallow it with the aid of some water. It tastes disgusting, but there's no way you're going to stuff something up your nose. Molly was like that, you'd grown somewhat used to it.

"Bunny, seriously, that man clearly wants you. You don't need a bag of drugs to tell you that." 

She's right of course. You're still apprehensive though. 

"It's just- well, he's a drug dealer." 

Panda snorts the line she made and wipes her nose. "Er, are you one to judge right now?" 

You laugh loudly and pass her the water. 

"You're right. I suppose a bit of fun won't do us any harm." 

"That's the spirit. Let's go have a smoke." 

You both go into the main hang out area and find a vacant sofa surprisingly. Your buzz starts to creep on slowly but surely. Panda's a bit ahead of you; the pros of snorting. 

"I really like Chris, you know." Her eyes are glassy as she tells you. 

"Oh I know. I don't think he does though. You should just take the leap." 

"Well, evening ladies." You look up and see Tech and Mustard grinning, pupils blown. 

"Nice of you to join us. Here, have a sucker, don't chew your face off." You pass the candies out to everyone, holding back a cherry one for yourself. "Where's Eddie?" 

As soon as you say that he appears, the biggest smile on his face. 

Panda bounces up. "Come on boys, I'm buzzing, let's dance." And she grabs your friends to lead them to the dance floor, throwing a wink back at you. 

"See you later Rock Star!" Tech shouts over his shoulder. 

You just about hear Mustard grumbling "why's he got a cool nickname? This some bullshit." 

Eddie flops down next to you, man spreading. You turn to him, elbow on the back of the squishy sofa, faces inches from each other. You can see from here he's clearly dropped, taken a pill or something. His pupils have grown, you can barely see the colour of his eyes. Apart from that he still looks put together. Probably more used to this sort of thing than you are. 

"So, Rock Star?" You smile at him.

"Yeah, we were talking, and some guy started talking about metal, and I said I play guitar, next thing I know I'm Rock Star. Glad it wasn't mayonnaise or something." 

You giggle at him, unwrapping your sucker and putting it in your mouth. Eddie fixates on your mouth immediately. Sensing the opportunity, you lick your tongue around it slowly, then suck hard. Letting it go with a wet pop, you look at his eyes again. 

Eddie's clearly flustered. 

"Are you- you having a good night yeah?" 

"Yeah we had a dance, I've just dropped, just waiting for it to kick in."  

Eddie reaches over to your face, fingers moments away from brushing your jaw, staring at your saccharine smeared lips. 

You hear an awkward cough to the side of you. 

"Hey, Bunny, it's DJ Skitz's set, you said you'd dance on stage?" it's Tech, hovering nearby, looking like an unwilling third wheel.  

Well shit. 

"Eddie, I've got to go. Come and watch, yeah?" 

"Couldn't drag me away sweetheart." You feel the heat pool between your legs, amplified by the drugs beginning to course through your system. 

"Come on then." In a moment of bravery, you grab his hand and lace his fingers between yours. He looks at your conjoined hands for a moment and then back up at your eyes. The look on his face is not what you were expecting. You'd grown used to the sparky wit, the smugness, the charm. Right now, he looks like a lucky little boy, shocked at the affection. You flash him a small smile and drag him into the main room and across the heaving dance floor. 

There's a small podium stage left. A girl you vaguely know is on the other side of the stage on a similar podium, a skinny redhead in yellow hot pants and pigtails. You take your position, dumping Eddie directly in front of you. 

The lights dim and your friend DJ Skitz is bathed in a spotlight. He begins his set, spinning some fast techno and hard-core that you love. Breaking out some glowsticks you lose yourself in the music, dancing, gyrating, sometimes spinning and shaking your ass. You nearly forget Eddie is there. Nearly. 

Looking down, you see him staring at you as if you hung the stars in the sky just for him. Tech's there too, wolf whistling and cheering you on. Panda and Mustard are nowhere to be seen. A part of you hopes they're off sucking face somewhere finally. 

The high is finally sinking those familiar claws into you. She's a sneaky bitch. You begin to let go at last. All the day to day bullshit, all the drama, all the hassle. Gone. You dance, just dance. Oblivious to the crowd and any expectations. Throwing yourself into the music, you dance. The thrill of the high leads you. You're guided through by the mistress of the beat. 

In almost no time at all DJ Skitz's set is over. Before you exit the stage you tell him how good the set was, how much you enjoyed it, and of course, hand him a sucker. He grins and takes it gratefully, complimenting your dance moves. 

As you are looking to get off the stage, Eddie holds out his hand to help you down. You meet him, bodies pressed together in the mess of people. 

"You wanna sit for a bit?" He asks. 

"Sure" you say as you flash a lazy grin at him. 

This time, he's the one to link hands with yours and drag you. There's not much space free given this is the lull between sets. He spots a single soft chair way off in the corner and drags you to it. 

"Mind sitting on my lap?" 

"Not at all." 

He sits, holding his arms out to you. You sink onto his lap, ass on his thighs. He wraps his arms around you and you melt into him, all social insecurities forgotten. Sparking a cigarette, he holds the butt to you, so you take a drag. Continuing like this, you share the smoke until there's nothing left. 

"So, I'm guessing you're done for the night, yeah?" You ask, staring up at him. 

"Oh, it was a very lucrative night. Might have to go out with you more often." He smiles at you. 

"Oh that can be arranged. So all out?" 

"Hmm, not quite. Two pills left. I was waiting for you, if you want one? Free of charge for the prettiest girls." He says, guiding a wayward hair out of your face. 

"Oh, how many have you given away to pretty girls, huh?" You joke, poking him in the abs. 

"None. Just you." 

The smile that creeps over you is entirely unbidden, forcing its way across your face. 

"So, you wanna go to the restroom or-" 

"Oh, I think we can be subtle eh?" He raises an eyebrow at you. Staring at him, trying to work out his next move, he fiddles with his mouth and then flashes his tongue for a fraction of a second. You see a streak of white in your vision as he guides your head towards him.

It's not a kiss, it's a transaction. You say it to yourself in your head without much enthusiasm. Leaning in, you press your mouth to his. His thick tongue pushes into your mouth, massaging your own, passing you the pill. Fingers twine their way into his wild mane as you grip on, afraid of losing a hold on reality. It would have been perfect, if it didn't taste like hairspray. 

You break away, the bitter taste of the pill too much. Gulping down water, you look at him again, taking in his flushed cheeks and heaving chest. 

"Very subtle." You quip, hitting him lightly, hand resting on his chest unwilling to move. 

"Yeah? See, I can do subtle." He says, as one large hand drifts down to cup your ass. 

'Hmm, yes, very subtle. Hardly noticed that at all sir." 

Eddie laughs, tipping his head back, giving you a full view of the veins on his neck. The feeling floods through you, making you want to dive forward to bite it. Before you can register what's happening, you're planting soft kisses to his throat. Eddie's  breath heaves even harder. 

"Holy shit Bunny, you're gonna make me hard." 

Moving reluctantly away, your eyes meet once again. The question burns in your head. 

"Why did you call me Bunny?" 

He laughs and looks awkward for a second. 

"Wait a minute?" He asks. You nod as he fiddles with his mouth again, you assume to take his last pill. He gestures at you for water and you hand it to him. Taking it gratefully, He gulps some down. You're going to have to replenish in a minute before you forget. 

"For courage." He laughs, taking your small hand in his own. 

"The family friendly version? You're sweet," he says, pressing a soft kiss to the tips of your fingers, "and cute," another kiss to the tips of your fingers, but this one lingers slightly, sending a quiver through your nerves, "and full of fucking energy, its unreal!" You laugh as he lands another kiss on your knuckles. 

"And the R rated version?" You ask, raising an eyebrow at him. 

"Well," he says, visibly steeling his courage, "I've thought about you," he says, laying another kiss, this time to your wrist, "how good you would look," another kiss, in the crook of your elbow. He brings your face to his, his breath whispering in your ear. "How you would look bouncing on my dick, over and over and over." You gasp as his teeth graze your neck, the touch electrifying you. He bites down softly, sucking a bruise into your skin as you attempt not to moan aloud.

Pulling away, his eyes search your face for your reaction. To be honest, all you're thinking right now is how soft his lips are, how much you want them pressed against yours again. Or on your neck, your collarbone, your breasts… 

"Well, you didn't run a mile. That's good." He laughs slightly awkwardly, fingers whispering against your arm, erupting goosebumps in their wake. 

"Oh, I'm not running." You reply, pulling him in for a kiss. A real kiss. Locking lips, you take your time, tongue swiping into his mouth slowly. He responds in kind, licking into you, his hand dipping into the back of your skirt. You can feel his fingers squeezing into the flesh of your butt as the kiss deepens. 

Every move is electric, making your hairs stand on end. You want to engulf him in the moment, to swallow him whole in it, to bask and revel in it, never ending. Eventually you both break away, if only to breathe. 

"I don't know if its the drugs talking, but that was fucking amazing." You say breathlessly. Laughing, he takes hold of your hand on his chest. 

"I hope not. We've not gotten to my fantasy yet." 

Biting your lip, you feel his fingers drag down the cleft of your ass, drifting dangerously close to your hole. You whimper slightly; at the feeling, at the narcotics flowing through you, at Eddie. Especially Eddie. He was like a whole new drug you'd only just started experiencing. 

"Fuck, you're perfect Bunny." He says, admiration gleaming in his eyes. 

"Hey you guys!" You turn to see Panda, hand in hand with Mustard, a stupid grin plastered across both of their faces. Panda waves their woven together hands up triumphantly at you. 

"About time!" You grin back, doing your own sheepish nod at Eddie, purely for Panda’s benefit. 

"Wanna dance?" 

You reluctantly slide off Eddie's lap and both of you make your way to the dance floor. 

He barely lets you move, hands trailing across your figure, dragging his fingertips over your bare abdomen, grasping your ass or the back of your thighs. You reply  in kind, soft digits trailing over his stomach, raking across his chest, sometimes stopping to rest on a pierced nipple,  feeling the steel of it over his shirt. 

"I don't think I've been this turned on in all my life," you admit in a frantic whisper to him. The pill he had given you had well and truly come into effect and you were basking in its golden glow. 

"Shit Bunny, you can't just say that to me!" He gasps out, tongue darting out to lick at your neck while you dance. 

"I have to touch you," he says breathlessly as he grasps your hand and leads you away from the writhing crowd. 

Leading you down a corridor he pushes open a little known restroom door and ushers you into a tiny cubicle. 

"Fuck, you are driving me crazy, shaking your ass in that little skirt" He says, fingertips grazing the inside of your thigh. The feeling is explosive, hammering through your nervous system like a freight train on steroids. You'd never had anyone touch you when you were high before, and the fact that it was Eddie had you moaning before he'd even touched your pussy. 

"Hmm, be quiet little Bunny." He laughs as he presses his body against you, fingers tracing up and over your clothed heat. You whimper, pushing your body against him urgently. 

"Please touch me Eddie," you struggle out, wiggling your hot pants and panties to the floor until they rest at your ankles. 

"Say that again" He says as he grins wickedly, fingers stroking just to the left of where you wanted him, needed him.

"Please Eddie, please touch me. I-I need you to." You whisper, fingers wrapping the front of his shirt into a tight ball. 

"I think I need that on tape" He huffs out, desire shining in his eyes. His calloused fingertips finally meet your wet heat, finding your clit with hardly any hesitation. Gasping, your eyes fly wide open, staring straight at his. 

"Oh fuck Eddie, oh God, please, oh please make me cum" you babble at him, the feel of his rough, sure hands electrifying every limb. 

"Sweetheart, you are something else," he manages to say, eyes shining. He sinks two fingers into you then as you open your mouth in a perfect o, feeling them glide into you, your velvety walls already convulsing. The heel of his hand presses deliciously onto your swollen clit as his fingers rub your g spot. 

"Holy shit! Eddie, what the- how the fuck are you so good at this?" You whisper shout at him, small hands clinging onto his shoulders. 

"I'm sure it's just the pills sweetheart," he laughs into your ear, taking your earlobe in between his teeth and sucking softly. 

Your climax builds impossibly fast, buzzing through your nerves until every part of your skin is singing for him. 

The rush is almost too much. Your head is spinning; vision pulsing with your heartbeat which feels like it's moved deep inside your cunt. 

"Eddie, oh fuck," you nearly squeal at him, eyes wide and wild. 

"Yeah? You gonna come for me, Little Bunny? Please, please come for me." His speed increases as you feel wetness squelch inside you. Reaching that precipice faster than you think you ever had, you freefall into it, gripping hard onto his shoulders. The buzz of your release sets your skin on fire, every rock of his fingers making you pulse and moan.

You come down, from this high at least. The other one, the drug fuelled one, is still firmly locked in. Eddie's eyes are fixated on yours; he's breathing as heavily as you are. 

"You are unbelievably hot, you know," Eddie says, fingers still buried in your cunt. He finally releases you and pulls you in for a devastating kiss. Tongues sliding against each other, you press your body to him, wanting to be closer. 

"Eddie, I really want you," you breathe out, fingertips pressing so hard into him they may well leave bruises. Sucking a love bite into his neck, he groans.

"Fuck. Yeah, I want you too, but maybe not in a restroom?" 

You pull away and gain eye contact, both of you giggling and high. 

"Suppose you're right," you laugh as you pull your undergarments back into position. 

"You wanna dance some more?" 

"Not right now, I feel fucked." He raises his eyebrow at you. 

"Not like that! Just super super high." You're floating right now, soaring, thoughts scare and about as substantial as dandelion fluff. 

"Oh shit you really are aren't you? Right, come on. I'll look after you." 

He leads you out of the stall and washes his hands before guiding you to a free seat in the main room which was starting to clear out a bit. Flopping unceremoniously into it, you feel your head fall to your shoulder, letting the seat engulf you in softness. 

"Wait right here, OK Bunny?" 

"Yup. Not going anywhere. Got jelly bones" You giggle and smile broadly at him. 

He shakes his head and leaves you for a moment, returning with a bottle of water. Handing it to you, you take it gratefully, feeling the cold water sips trickle down your throat. 

Eddie squishes next to you on the armchair, feeling your forehead with the back of his hand. 

"Well, you're not too warm, that's good. You got any suckers left? You want some gum or something?" 

"Hmm, gum would be splendid!" You say to him in a silly voice. Chuckling at you, he rummages in a pocket, unwrapping a stick of gum and putting it in your mouth. 

"Splendid?" 

"Yup!" You grin, chewing lazily. 

"Anything else I can do sweetheart?" 

"Please touch me." You see him pull a shocked face, looking you up and down. 

"Not like that! Just like, stroke me. My skin is all buzzy." 

Throwing his arm over your shoulder, he softly runs his fingers over your upper arm, his other hand resting on your thigh following the same movements. It feels so nice, each stroke calming and intoxicating. 

"Hmm this is so nice. Stroke the Bunny." You say as he laughs loudly at you. 

"You're fucking hilarious when you're high." 

"I'm hilarious all the time. I am a gift." You nod matter of factly at him. 

"I'll say." He plants a lingering kiss to your temple as you snuggle into him, head coming to rest on his chest. 

"Aw, look at the Bunny!" You look over and see Panda gleaming with sweat, still firmly grasping Mustard by the hand. Tech stands a little to the left, hands on his hips. 

"Is she alright?" Tech asks Eddie, looking more sober than the rest of you. 

"Yeah, she'll be OK, she's just really high." 

"OK, Bunny?" You hum in response, smiling up dopily. 

"Right, the ultimate test. Boop!" Tech says loudly, bopping you on the nose. You giggle, smiling up at him. 

"Well, she didn't cry with laughter. She's good. You wanna go home Bunny? We're about to leave." 

You frown. "Can you teleport me? I'm super cosy right now." 

"I can do the next best thing. Abracadabra, let's get a cab-a!" Tech announces, wiggling his fingers. 

You make your collective way out, grabbing your jackets. Eddie's arm stays glued around your waist making sure you're steady. 

Outside, he looks a little sad. 

"I guess I'll see you soon?" You gaze up at him in confusion. 

"Eddie, you're coming with us. After party." 

"Oh I don't know-" 

"Hey buster," you say, poking him in the chest making him laugh, "you said you'll look after me. Well we are going to Tech and Mustard's place. And you're looking after me. Got it?" 

"Yes ma'am." He smiles at you. 

After a very squished taxi ride which you're sure wasn't legal, but hey, a lot of this night wasn't, you arrive at their house and settle in. Dance music is softly playing, and Eddie's sitting on a chair. You're on the floor between his spread legs whilst he rubs your shoulders. Mustard and Panda are snuggling on the couch together, whilst Tech is laying on a bunch of cushions on the floor. A joint has been passed already between you all.

"You sure you don't wanna sit here?" Eddie asks. 

"And miss this back rub? Not in a million." You reply, reaching up to squeeze his hand. 

"Hey guys?" He asks the group. Various heads swivel to look at him. 

"Wanna play Cluedo?" Laughter erupts from everyone except Mustard. 

"Yeah yeah, laugh it up Rock Star." He says, but he's smiling as he says it. Standing up, he announces, "me and Panda, we're gonna, erm, have a nap." They take each other's hands and giggle as they leave the room. 

"I'll just turn the music up a little, shall I?" Tech shouts at their retreating backs. 

"Tech, you mind if we crash in your spare room for a bit?" You feel the pressure of Eddie's hands on your shoulders increase at your words. 

He huffs. "Oh great, I'm surrounded by couples. I'll just stick some headphones in eh?" He winks at you as you stand up taking Eddie's hand and leading him. 

You walk into the spare room, little more than a storage space. There's a few boxes stacked up and a bed, thankfully already made. As you shut the door, Eddie strokes your arm. 

"You sure about this Bunny?" His eyes are big and soft, making you remember why you crushed so hard on him in the first place. 

"Look, I'm not like, super high any more, but I'm definitely feeling it. I like you. I don't wanna think too much about it, all I know is that I wanna feel your skin on mine," you explain to him. No games, just pure honesty. 

"That does sound really good right now." He says, pulling off his shirt. You take a beat to drag your hands over his exposed chest, fingers tracing over tattoos. Running a finger across a pierced nipple, he quivers. 

"OK, fuck, yeah I'm still feeling it," he laughs slightly, eyes shutting for a moment. 

Taking the opportunity, you pull your top over your head. Eddie's eyes snap back open, staring at your lacy blue bra. There's no padding, you can feel your hardened nipples poking at the soft fabric, just barely visible through the flimsy material. 

You smile and pull your skirt and hot pants down slowly, leaving you in your bra and matching panties. 

"God damn."

Eddie's eyes are raking over your form, drinking it all in. He reaches out a hesitant hand, dragging a finger slowly over your collarbone, making your skin erupt in goosebumps. He moves his fingers slowly lower, tracing the hem of your bra, before stroking down to your nipple. The contact zings through you, making you gasp. 

Eddie smirks, hand reaching up to your bra strap, gently sliding it down your shoulder. Even that has you groaning. 

You reach forward and grab him by the belt, dragging him towards you, and tilt your head up to envelop his lips in a soft kiss. It's so delicate; a crush of lips, a flirt of tongues, edging, teasing. His hands trace your sides. Each miniscule movement whispers across your skin; a susurration of sensation.

Fiddling with his belt you dip your fingers into the waistband of his jeans. 

"Can I take these off?" 

"Fuck yes" Eddie says, large palms running up your sides, thumbs reaching out to graze your breasts. Fiddling with his belt you just about manage to unfasten it, unbutton his jeans and pull them down. He's wearing loose fitting boxers, but even so you can clearly see the sizable tent his hard member is making. You run your fingers over it gingerly, tracing the outline, and gently take it in a loose grip, rubbing up and down. 

"Jesus Christ that feels so good," he says, voice nearly a whisper. 

He reaches behind you and unclips your bra with one hand. It's so fast you look up at him in shock. 

"Oh shit, er- can I take this off?" 

You laugh out loud. "Well, you might as well now!" 

"Sorry, too excited" He laughs back, and peels the garment off your form. His laughter dies in his throat at the sight of your bare chest. 

You're all poised to make a joke but he doesn't give you a chance. Falling to his knees in front of you, he gently strokes at your breasts with his hands, and you feel his hot breath on your nipple. As he licks pointedly over it you can't help but tremble at the feeling, it's just so intense. 

Suddenly he takes it into his mouth and sucks. The moan that forces its way out of your throat is husky and laced with need. He plants open mouthed kisses all over your naked chest and stomach, sometimes nipping with his teeth, sometimes sucking a minute bruise. You quiver, feeling like your legs are about to give way. 

It's almost ridiculous how amazing it feels; a hot weight settles in the pit of your stomach, wanting to lash itself out into the world. Then he's sucking your nipple again, swirling his thick tongue around it. Everything's tingling; your whole body feels like a live wire. He takes the other nipple in his mouth and you whimper. A familiar feeling is building in you but you are almost scared to believe it. 

Surely he can't make me come without even touching my pussy? 

The thought is incredulous, but the feeling mounts as your legs wobble in time with the shaky breaths you're taking. 

"Eddie, Holy shit," you gasp out, fingers winding into his hair and tugging. He moans and doubles down on his ministrations, tweaking your nipple hard and running his knuckles over the hardened nub. 

"I think, fuck, I'm gonna-" the words are lost in a cry of his name as you reach a pinnacle you didn't even realise was possible. 

Taking ragged, heaving breaths you look down at him. He looks almost as shocked as you feel. 

"Did you just…?" 

"Yep." 

"Really?" The look on his face is half surprised and half smug at this point. 

"Hey it's news to me too!" 

He laughs and stands, picking you up in the process, and lays you down on the bed. 

"Bunny, that was really hot." Standing at the edge of the nightstand, he's staring at your nearly nude form as if it were some work of art. You take the opportunity to take your jewellery off and leave it in a pile on the bed. 

"I didn't know I could do that." You smile at him, shrugging. 

"I didn't know anyone could do that!" 

Pretty soon you're both laughing as he gets on the bed next to you. 

"I hope I wasn't too loud." 

Eddie snorts a laugh. "Bunny, be quiet for a sec and listen." 

You snuggle into him and listen. Oh. 

"Is she- squeaking?" You press your lips together, willing yourself not to laugh. Eddies shaking under you with barely contained amusement. Soon after there's a definite grunting noise. 

"Oh God I hope Techs put headphones on or he's gonna be scarred for life!" 

Peals of laughter erupt from the both of you. 

Laying there, stroking each other's skin, you feel more comfortable with Eddie than you've ever felt with any other man. This just feels right. There was no other way to explain it. Giving him a feather light dusting of kisses to his jaw, you realise your hand is roaming further and further south, reaching the waistband of his boxer shorts. You run your fingers across the very edge of it, dipping into the hem oh so slightly. Abs tense under your touch. 

"Quit teasing Bunny," Eddie says; he's almost bucking into your touch, willing your hand to go lower. You ping his underwear with your finger, watching it snap back onto his skin making him jump. 

"Can I take-" the sentence is cut short however, as Eddie pulls his boxers down and flings them across the room. Giggling, you look down. And stop giggling. 

"Jesus Eddie, it's huge!" You thought it was big given you felt it earlier, but seeing is most definitely believing. No wonder he's so confident all the time.

"Flatterer." He quips back, but you can tell how pleased he is with your words. Moving to straddle him, you rub your thinly clad core against it, earning a heavy moan from each of you. Eddie's hands grasp your hips and run inside your panties. 

"Take these off before I rip them off." You gasp at his words and look into his eyes. 

"Please?" He adds almost sheepishly. You smile and lean awkwardly to the side, pulling them off and away. You're straddling him then, entirely naked, soaking pussy dragging along his throbbing cock. Eddie's eyes nearly roll into the back of his head, firm hands holding onto the meat of your thighs, helping you glide back and forth. 

"Im- I'm on the pill. I'm clean. I promise. Can I just- slip it in?" You ask sweetly, dragging your hands up and down his lean sides. 

"Er, I think I've hit my head and I'm making this all up. Say that again for me, Bunny?" 

You giggle, and lean over him, breath whispering into the shell of his ear. 

"I wanna fuck you raw. Can I? Pretty please?" 

He groans so low it's almost a growl, pulling your face toward him for an urgent kiss. His tongue massaging yours and the drag of his pulsing cock rubbing against your clit is setting off fireworks in your head. 

You slide and slide against him, when his cock slips inside. You wish you could have the noise Eddie makes in your mouth on record; it's low and primal, a violent hum. You tease him a little, giving him tiny kitten licks in his mouth as you circle just the tip, and take in a little more, a little more. Suddenly pushing your hips down he practically whimpers, eyes scrunching shut as he's fully seated inside you. 

"Holy shit, Bunny what the- how is this so good, fuck!" 

You have to agree, the feeling of him deep inside you has you fluttering already, cunt throbbing around his manhood. 

You move to lift off him slightly, and slam back down. 

"Bunny, please, go slow," he says, his eyes pleading with you as his fingers grip you tightly. 

"I was trying to fulfil a certain fantasy?" You smile at him, and begin to grind back and forth at a languid pace. 

"And I appreciate that," he says as you giggle. His large hands run across your skin, running over your sides, your stomach, your breasts. Each touch has you moaning, back arched in pleasure. 

"This is too good Bunny. I want it to last." 

Continuing your slow, deep pace, you feel your swollen clit singing, dragging across his pubic hair on each pass. The feeling transcends any sex you'd had before. It wasn't in the same league. Hell, it wasn't even the same game. You lean towards him, hands tucking underneath his muscular shoulders, holding him close to you. 

"Have you had sex when you were high before?" You whisper to him as you grind deliciously back and forth and nibble on his earlobe. 

"Yeah, but not as good as this. This is fucking incredible," he responds, planting kisses over your jaw line. 

Your orgasm is creeping closer and closer as you moan in his ear. 

"I can feel you shaking baby. You gonna come?" 

You can only nod against his neck as he holds you close. 

"Look at me. Eyes on me Bunny." 

You lift your head, foreheads nearly touching. Your whole body is quivering, mouth hanging open. The hotness in your stomach is turning to liquid fire, reaching out to lick over your limbs. 

"That's it baby, let go." 

As if your body was waiting for permission, you feel yourself become truly overwhelmed by your own pleasure, exploding through you with an intensity unmatched by anything you've ever felt before. And it just keeps coming. Rolling over you in delectable waves for what feels like forever. 

Finally, the waves begin to ebb. Your legs are shaking uncontrollably as you try to regain some semblance of breath. 

"Wow." Is all you can manage. He smiles up at you, reaching to rub his thumb up and down your jaw, settling the softest of kisses to your lips. 

"Right, hold on Bunny." 

You're clinging to him as he turns you over until you're underneath him, his narrow hips slotted between your legs, without ever leaving your cunt. 

"Smooth," you say, smiling at him.

"Well, I try." He grins back, grasping one of your hands with his and holds it over your head, fingers entwined as he slowly pumps in and out of you. His other hand is hoisting your leg around him, keeping your knee high. You're in rhythm with each other, moving as one, meeting his hips again and again. 

Each thrust of his hips has you keening into him, sending more waves of intense pleasure coursing through your nerves. 

"Eddie, oh God!" You grasp at his shoulder, fingernails biting into his flesh. 

"Come with me my Bunny, come with me, oh fuck!" 

You come together, the feeling of him throbbing his release into you sending you over that edge once again. 

He nearly collapses onto you, barely holding himself up on an elbow as he brings his lips to yours. You kiss, and kiss, and kiss again. 

"That was incredible," he whispers on your skin, nose nudging yours. 

"Splendid" you grin back at him, making him chuckle. 

"Wait, let me clean you up. Where's the bathroom?" 

"First door on the right. There's a wash rag on the bedside table." 

"Your friends really look after you, don't they?" He smiled, grabbing the cloth and donning his boxers. 

He returns moments later and wipes at you with such care, cleaning you up. 

Whipping his underwear off again, he snuggles up behind you in bed. You were finally starting to feel a little tired, but you know it'll be a couple of hours before you can sleep with the ecstasy in your system.

Not that you minded. This was heaven right here, Eddie's warmth pressing against you, leaving paper trace kisses over your shoulder. 

"Eddie," you say in a moment of bravery, "what are we?" 

"I thought you didn't want to think about it." He says. You can hear the smile in his voice. His arm moves over your side, hand coming to rest on your own. 

Honestly, you're not sure why you'd said it. Well, there was one reason. You're not sure you could deal with this being a one night stand. The sex was too incredible for that. 

"I know I said that, it's just- I don't want this to be it." 

"Hmm," he hums into your shoulder, "what are we?" He leaves a soft kiss, "we're friends." You scoff a laugh and go to turn to him, but he holds you fast. 

"Let me finish. We're friends," he continues, kissing your shoulder again, "friends who fuck," another kiss, a lingering one that makes your toes curl, "daily." You giggle, lacing your fingers with his. 

"Friends who go on dates occasionally," he says, beginning to kiss at your neck. His length is hardening, you can feel it rubbing against the flesh of your ass. "friends who don't sleep with anyone else." He finishes, teeth nipping at your neck. 

The grin that flows across your features comes unbidden and nearly surprises you.

"Eddie?" He only hums in response, starting to suck a bruise into your neck, his dick falling into the cleft of your butt as he pushes against you.  

"I think that sounds a lot like-" you begin but he shushes you softly. 

"You said you don't wanna think. So don't." He unlocks hands with you, fingers tracing down your abdomen and gently sliding between your wet lips. Gasping as he lightly rubs against your clit, you buck against his throbbing length. 

"You are so sexy, you know that?" He huffs, slipping his member between your legs.

"Me? You're hot Eddie." He snorts in disbelief. 

"Why didn't you ask me out?" You ask, as you feel the tip begging for entry. 

"Hey, I tried to charm the pants off you." He said, nipping your earlobe. 

"Well, I suppose it worked, but I thought you were just like that with all the girls" you reply, allowing him to slip inside you. 

Moaning in unison, you rock against him. His breath is a whisper in your ear.

"No. Just you."

You keen at his words and he doubles down on his efforts on your clit forcing you to grip onto the bed sheets for dear life as if you'd float away. 

"Eddie, fuck that's- that's so good" you purr, backing into him. 

"You gonna come for me Bunny? My little Bunny? Go on, come for me," his voice is bordering on begging, rubbing tight circles on your swollen clit. Crying out, you clench around his cock, releasing again. 

Grabbing you by the hip, he thrusts harder into you, again and again, until he's moaning his orgasm out, burying his face in the crook of your neck. 

Bringing his hand up to your face, you drag your lips over his knuckles, settling warm kisses over each one. 

"You know, I don't really know you, not really," you smile. 

"Well, get to know me. What do you want to know?" 

"I don't even know how old you are. 28? 29?" You guess, kissing him again. 

He slips out from you and coaxes you to turn so you can curl into his chest. 

"31 actually." 

"Well, see that's a deal breaker, sorry," you joke, fingers tracing his chest tattoos. 

"Well, we had a good run," he responds in kind, kissing you on the forehead. 

You're not entirely certain where this is going, what the future may hold, but right now you're just happy to be in Eddie's arms. 

Masterlist

@eddiemunsons-missingnipple @corrodedhawkins @lunatictardis @roanniom @pxrxcxa @sillypurplemurple @sinczir @lightvixxen @eddiemunsonfuxks

[elleafun]

I started this before watching Act 3, so no bob for Sevika.

Sevika would wreck Big Mama, change my mind.

After this mini comic is a vent about all that's gone down recently that I mentioned in previous posts, so just look at my silly picture if you're not interested.

I was going to try fancy coloring this, but I'm tired.

Warning: The following vent includes pet injury, death, drug use, and probably other things I'm not thinking of because I'm quite spent.

I'll start off by saying my half-uncle was not a good person. He was a violent alcoholic junkie who stole and threatened my grandma while leaching off of her for 50+ years when she survives solely on social security. So, when I heard he died a month ago, I was honestly relieved. Nobody felt they could visit my grandma, because he would be there. I do feel bad for my grandma, she loved him no matter what. (Taking a quick moment to mention that I do not believe you have to love family just because you're related. See my half-uncle as an example as to why.) Anyway, it was rough on her and I did what I do best to show I care and started fixing things around her house. (More Elle lore: I'm bad at comforting emotionally. I show care with gifts and by fixing/taking care of things.) As someone who is very much into their routine, though I love my grandma, this did put a little extra stress on me mentally, as I got way less quiet time. Her other son, who is back in prison atm, became a hoarder and stuffed her house full of stuff. She also contributed, so I've spent some time decluttering her house.

Two Fridays ago, I spent about 5 hours trying to set up my grandma's new internet. I'm not sure what was happening that day, but it was issue after issue. I ended up chatting with 3 different agents and she still did not have internet access by the time I gave up. This incident wasn't that big of a deal, but it sucked that something that should have taken an hour at most took most of my day.

7:30 AM the following morning, I got a call that my grandma's dogs were being attacked by her neighbor's dog. Her dogs were a tiny chihuahua and pomeranian. The chihuahua was dead by the time I arrived and the pomeranian severely injured. After attempting to chase the attacking dog off, I gave up and went inside to check on the pom my grandma had managed to drag inside. My mother arrived soon after, so I rushed Mags to the emergency vet while mom waited for the cops. The poor dog scared me a few times as I sped to the e-vet, closing her eyes and sitting very still only to shift and whine moments later.

Mags was admitted immediately and carefully shaved to see the extent of her injuries. I haven't counted her stitches or staples, but there are many plus two drainage tubes. She stayed the weekend at the emergency vet, but was still in intense pain and not eating. I ended up having to transfer her from the emergency vet to her primary vet before and after work, so she could get continuous care. She became stable enough to stay at her primary vet overnight, but we were very concerned not only about the tears, deep bruising and reluctance to eat, but that she did not want to walk on her hind legs. She'd use her front legs to scoot forward and readjust, but didn't want to lift her hind quarters. We were worried about spinal or nerve damage.

After her swelling went down, we were able to do more x-rays and determined both of her hips had been ripped out of place. A femoral head ostectomy (FHO) on both hips was concluded as being the best option to fix her. I ended up transferring Mags last Friday night over an hour away to an emergency clinic that is paired with a specialist able to fix her hips. The specialist took her on Monday and her FHO surgery was successfully completed on Tuesday. Over 320 miles and nearly $12k later (thank everything the attacking dog's owners' insurance will cover this), I was able to take her to my house this morning. I've got 4 alarms set to remember her meds, must clean her tubes 3 times a day, help her eat, and do physical therapy with her several times a day in the hopes we can get her walking again in 6 or so weeks. I've only had her since 10 this morning, but I've already gotten her to attempt walking forward with support. Mags is still in pain, but less so than before her surgery and she's eating on her own!

Though it's fantastic that Mags appears to finally be on her way to recovery, my great uncle passed away two days ago. He was the same grandma's older brother. I'll be attending his viewing tomorrow morning and his funeral on Saturday. He was a good man, and it is a shame I didn't get to see him this year.

It feels wrong to complain. My grandma has had it much rougher since she's closer to the events than me. I'm still angry and tired though. It's exausting having one thing after another pile up.

Anyway, thanks for reading if you did. Hope I didn't bum anyone out.

[rjncore]

Unexpectedly Yours (Bonus Chapter)

You've established a routine now that you're already living together. During his training sessions, you stayed with him to watch. When he has free time, you spend it to the fullest – whether by staying at the apartment to watch movies together or visiting museums around Milan. You had petty fights over trivial things such as arguing about the chores, or to have a pet. But those things only made your relationship stronger. He's still focused on his career as a volleyball player, while you're also working to deepen your knowledge as an architect. You already informed the company that you will be staying here in Italy for good. It's a tough decision, but you're feeling optimistic about it. They assigned you to work in their branch here in Italy permanently. Your dreams, it's all now falling into place.

It's been a year since you and Yuki got together. Juggling your lives between career and personal life imposed a great challenge to your relationship. There are days where both of you get busy – his intense training sessions or you, working on a very important project. One night, Yuki came home from training. It was raining outside, so you decided to take a break from working and cook dinner. A few moments later, he came home. His hair is still damp probably from the shower, and his expression was evidently tensed up. You turned off the stove, and approached him.

"Are you okay?" you asked him as you softly caressed his face.

"Just a rough day, I guess. Our coach is pushing us hard since it's the championship." he answered, his voice sleepy.

"Let's eat first, then you rest. I'll just finish what I'm doing" you said warmly.

You sat together in the dining area. He slurped down the soup as he took quick glances of you. The silence was unusual, especially from him. He then clears his throat.

"I've been so tired lately, I'm sorry if we can't spend much time together.." He trails off. "I can feel that the team is expecting a lot from me, and I'm afraid I won't meet those expectations."

You sighed, feeling the weight of his words. "You know what, Yuki? They expect a lot from you simply because you always do your best no matter what. Even if things get harder, you always find ways to help the team.. Like them, I believe in what you can do. You got this" you said, as you rubbed your thumb on his knuckles. He listened intently, his eyes looking at yours. This is yet again his vulnerable side in front of you. A side of him that made you cherish him even more. He gently cups your cheek with his big hands, and kisses your forehead.

"Thank you.. For everything. I love you" he said, his voice thick with emotion.

The days went by quickly. You could see his usual demeanor going back again. His confident and strong mindset, calm attitude and most especially, his radiant smile. You sensed he's already feeling a lot better now, evident to how he simply greets you in the morning. With the tone of his voice and bright expression, you could already tell that he switched his mentality.

It's finally the game day. You woke up almost at the same time. "Love, are you going to watch our game later?" he asked, his voice still sleepy. You looked up at him.

"Of course. It's the weekend, remember? I don't have much to do today." He lets out a smile, before planting a light kiss on your lips. My number 1 fan, cheerleader, and the love of my life who always believed me even when I doubted myself.

As he leaves the apartment for the game, you're full of excitement to watch him play again – all clueless for what he's about to do. While him, he knows that his life will completely change from this day forward.

As you enter the arena, the atmosphere is bustling. It's the finals game, so of course it will be. You feel renewed, as it's been a while since you last watched his game live. The noise felt oddly unfamiliar yet also familiar at the same time. Your seat was near the court again. You are wearing a Yuki jersey. For the people around you, you're just like them – you're here as a fan. But little did they know, you are Yuki's girlfriend. Someone who has seen him both at his best and worst and the one who always believed in him. As you observe him during the warm-up, you could feel the determination as he delivered those spikes. He carries himself so gracefully. The way he walks or interacts with teammates is captivating. The moment you first watched him replayed on your mind again. It makes your heart skip a beat as he finds you in the crowd while he's walking towards the bench to prepare for the game. It's Déjà vu.

The game already started. His team started strong, as he delivered the first few points of the game. Every time he scored, the cheers got louder. You roamed your eyes around the arena this time, and you're over the moon as you see that more people are supporting him. They believe in you, Yuki. His team takes the first set. As the game went on, the tension got higher. The opponent started to find their rhythm while they lost a little bit of their momentum. Yuki got blocked a few times already. Every time you see him struggle, you clench the necklace that he gave to you. "You got this. I believe in you" you murmured. The coach called a time out, and you could already see the frustration in his face. As their coach was giving them instructions, your gaze fixed at him. He was listening intently to the coach, before his eyes roamed around the arena. The first thing he saw in the crowd was YOU. You smiled at him, as you mouthed "Go Yuki!". His usual stoic expression faltered for a moment, and you noticed his faint smile. The game continued and Yuki finally regained his rhythm. He delivered during the crucial parts of the set. His teammates entrusted him, and he didn't fail them. It was already the championship point for them. The setter gave the ball to him, and the referee called it outside. His coach immediately asked for a video challenge. The arena turned quiet while waiting for the result. You were clasping your hands together, hoping that the result will be in their favor. After a few minutes, the video challenge finally came. His attack faintly brushed the blocker's fingertips. The clip was played multiple times in different angles and the referee overturned his decision. They won!! His teammates ran to the court and jumped together. They hugged each other, recognizing the effort of each player. You immediately turn your eyes to him, and you see him wiping his tears. His hard work has finally paid off. He deserves this so much. As they prepare for the awarding ceremony, he runs to you. He envelops you in a tight embrace.

"I did it. We did it!!" he said, his voice full of gratitude. You then looked up at him.

"Yes, you did it!! I never doubted you. I always believed that you can do it" you exclaimed.

"Thank you for always being there for me. Even during the times when I doubted myself, you still believed in me" he said with sincerity.

"You did most of the work. I was just here to help you find that faith in yourself.." you trailed off. "You deserve this after all the hard work you've done, Yuki."

He hugs you again, not minding that some of the people's attention is on the two of you now.

Moments later, the awarding ceremony already started. The medals were given to them one by one. You took a photo when Yuki received his medal. His smile is beaming as he looked momentarily at it. They gave the trophy, and the whole team shouted as they carried it. All of them smiled proudly. When the Finals MVP was about to be announced, you noticed that his teammates kept glancing at him. "The Finals MVP is.... quattordici, Yuki Ishikawa!" as he steps down from the podium to receive the award, you feel your heart swelling with extreme pride. Tears started forming in your eyes, as you witnessed him achieve a huge milestone in his career. "Any message, Mr. MVP?" the announcer asked. This is it. The moment he's been waiting for. He worked so hard to get to this moment, and he won't waste any time anymore.

He takes a deep breath.

"First of all, thank you to the management, my coaches and teammates for trusting me. I couldn't have done this without them. I also would like to thank the fans for supporting me. I wouldn't be here, if not for them." The crowd gives him a huge round of applause.

He faintly smiles, as he clears his throat. "I also would like to take this opportunity to express my gratitude to someone who's been with me all this time.." you could feel your heart beating fast as you hear that. He slowly made his way to you. His steps were steady and he tried not to make it obvious that he was nervous. You're startled, as he's standing in front of you now.

"The person who always believed in me when I didn't believe in myself, the person who made me realize that life is more than just about achieving your dreams, and the person who's seen me at my worst. It's you." The arena suddenly became quiet. You're frozen on your seat now, you didn't know what to do. He then continued, "Thank you for everything, mi amore." You mustered the courage to stand up. Then, you covered your mouth in shock as he kneeled down in front of you. He slowly took a small box from his pocket. When he opened it, you could feel your tears welling up in your eyes.

"Will you marry me?" he asks while looking earnestly at you.

You could only nod and say "Y-yes" in between your sobs. He puts the ring on your finger and stands up. He kisses you on your forehead. You're still crying, as he wipes the tears on your cheeks.

The crowd erupted in cheers. This was yet another unexpected move from him. As the celebrations die down, you've decided to have a simple dinner at home since it was chilly outside. You insisted that you will cook it, since he's still tired because of the game. As you were stirring the pasta sauce, he hugs you from the back.

"I can't wait to officially call you my wife" he said lovingly.

You smiled, as you quickly turned around to face him. "I'm excited too." You kissed him on his cheek.

After dinner, the two of you went to the balcony of the apartment. You look up, as the stars illuminate the sky. Sitting side by side, he gently puts your hand to his.

"Remember the first time we met when you're all drenched? I've liked you since then." You chuckled.

"Ohh. So that's the reason why you kept following me after that incident?" He nodded. You noticed him getting embarrassed. Getting all brave now, you continued teasing him.

"Didn't know you were head over heels for me since then" you playfully hit his shoulder.

"W-well. Yeah" he replied as he scratches the back of his neck, his tone sheepish.

"The first time I watched your game.. that's where it started for me" you said, your voice softening.

You both looked at the night sky, hands tightly clasped to each other's. From this day forward, you will embark on a new journey together. A journey that will last for a lifetime.

[enden-agolor]

hi enden how are you doing? i hope the world is treating you good. i love your art so much by the way <3

Thank you <: ) 🩷

Ngl, life has been rough lately. I don't really talk about it publicly, but I guess I have some positive updates to share.

My senior cat got sick over this past weekend and my bf and I had to take her to two emergency vet visits. She's okay now, but there was a moment I was terrified for her. She's 12, and I've had her since she was just a kitten, so it was all very scary and it's been a really tough past couple days dealing with that. All that matters now is that she's okay and she's safe.

On another note, I'm finally moving into a new place come April. It's pretty intimidating I won't lie. I've never had a room of my own to really decorate or anything, so having so much free space to just myself and my boyfriend is quite overwhelming, but exciting too. I can finally take my stuff out of boxes and display them after all these years lol.

That's kind of the reason I haven't been writing. I don't exactly have a permanent residence right now, and it is mentally draining, but I will get to have that soon! I'm very excited to be able to put my cat trees up next to windows and stuff so my cats can watch the birds outside. It's going to be really nice seeing them so happy.

Overall I'm okay. Thriving off of jesskas and fortnite 🤪

[a-hundred-jewels]

ptsd made me a hardcore marauders fan for seven months

Ao3

content warning: the following contains discussions of school violence, teen violence, (briefly) domestic violence, mental health issues, depression, and trauma. if any of these are sensitive topics for you, please proceed with caution. in addition, if you feel i've missed a warning, please nicely let me know in the comments.

I don't like Harry Potter. 

Sure, I binge-read the entire series in a bored, undiagnosed-ADHD-induced haze at the age of thirteen, have spent countless hours reading and even writing fanfiction for the series, have followed tumblr tags, listened to playlists, watched youtube videos, and am in the process of very slowly hand-binding myself a copy of A Black Mass Over Highway Ninety, but—

I don't like it, but nevertheless, I was sucked in. 

~

"Some kid overdosed," one of my classmates said. 

"What?" 

"They're clearing the hallways."

Our principal had just come on the loudspeakers to issue a "shelter in place" order, telling us to ignore all bells and stay in our current classroom until he came back on and told us otherwise. I was actually glad, hoping the extra time would allow me to finish my Spanish homework before second period, since I'd spent most of the weekend thinking about the Strictly Come Dancing finals and my King Lear presentation in English class. 

I hardly thought about the order itself—they're extremely common in United State schools, both as drills and as actual occurences. "Shelter in place" originated as a milder verison of going into lockdown where, instead of hiding from a potential shooter, students and teachers must simply not leave the room. In any case, I saw no reason to worry, and set about doing my homework. 

~

In fall of 2022, I started my senior year of high school at the age of seventeen. I was having a rough year—my younger sister's depression was at an all-time high and my mother was recovering from a health scare—but, fandomwise, I was doing great. After all, Our Flag Means Death had come out that spring and I was in love. All I wanted to talk about were the gay pirates, and I even bought myself a "Team Edward" t-shirt with Taika Waititi's face smack in the middle as a "back to school" present. Everything was supposed to get better. 

School sucked, because I went to a big public high school that looked like a prison and had equally-shitty Wifi, my (still undiagnosed) ADHD was worsening, and my grades were getting kind of bad. Even so, for a couple of months, I remained confident that my senior year would be my best one yet.

~

Third period was gym class, meaning I was only about an hour and a half away from the King Lear presentation. Senior year was actually one of the few years where I liked gym, which was awesome. It was just me and six boys, all of whom were nice to me, and our teacher was great. I think we were playing badminton that day, when our principal came on the loudspeakers to say that we were, once again, under a "shelter in place" order. 

We were nonchalant about this, just as we had been in the morning. I cannot stress how desensitized children in the U.S. are to things like this, these days. When my little sister was in elementary school, there was a day when the whole school was put in a "shelter in place" because a man was walking around outside with a bunch of knives. When I was a junior, a boy severely beat up his girlfriend in the school hallway, giving her a concussion and leading to two mass protests. There were violent fights at my town's public schools almost weekly—and all of this is very, very normal. I would go so far as to say that my situation was pretty mild. 

So we sat on the floor and did homework as time crept on, wondering vaguely what was going on, but no moreso than that. Third period ended, and we stayed. It should have been lunch time—we were getting hungry—but there was still no word about the lockdown ending. We stayed. Surely, it could only be another ten minutes or so?

And then, one of my classmates looked up from his phone screen, which was displaying a chat on Discord. 

"Oh my god—someone was stabbed."

~

Before, I get properly started, I'd like to be totally clear: the point of this essay isn't to bash the Harry Potter fandom, not as a whole, and certainly not the sections of it I've been in. I met some incredible people while in my period of rabidly consuming Marauders content, and I don't want to put them down or dishonor the beautiful things they've created with my attitude. I loved my time in the Marauders fandom as much as I could love anything at that point in my life and have nothing but respect for the writers, artists, and tumblrinas who welcomed me into their space. 

All of that being said, I think it's fascinating that I fell into a fandom like this one, particularly when I was doing so badly mentally. My dislike of Harry Potter only increases as I grow, as does my indifference, and, while I understand that's a fairly common sentiment shared among Marauders fans, I also get the impression that nostalgia plays a big part in their participation in the fandom. A Harry Potter- loving, bookworm child grows into a cynical teen, and then into a kind, brilliant adult with a "well, fuck it" attitude towards the world, using their limited free time to take that nostalgia from a childhood book series and write the kind of queer narratives they wish they'd had in adolescence. I could, of course, be wrong, but that's more-or-less how I understood the specific parts of the fandom I was in. (I know pretty much nothing about the tik tok side of the Marauders fandom, so we're just not factoring that in at all). Also, note that I said "adult" before, because the majority of people I interacted with were in their twenties and thirties. Being eighteen at the time and still in highschool, they all seemed at least moderately grown-up and untouchable to me. 

All this to say, once again, that I literally didn't care about Harry Potter until I was almost fourteen and, even then, I only started reading it out of sheer boredom. I have pretty much no nostalgia or happy childhood memories associated with the series—I even skipped large sections of the fourth and seventh books because it irritated me whenever the main characters were fighting with each other. I was, at best, a casual fan. 

There's something comforting, though, about being in such a big fandom, especially when your bad habit of choice is binge-reading smutty fanfiction in order to feel less dead. And, regardless of how I actually felt about Harry Potter , the concrete safety of a completed, unchanging series of books and movies where the author was already widely disliked definitely appealed tome and my less-than-stable life. You don't need to worry about a scandal if they've all already happened and, no matter how hard she tried to on Twitter, Joanne can't actually change the contents of the books. In my world of current fandoms and kind writers and actors all accessible on social media, the fuck-ass Harry Potter fandom was a bit of a refuge. 

So that's why I think it was specifically the Marauders that I got into.

~

I don't actually remember how long we were in that gym. It must have been at least two hours, including the class time beforehand, but I barely remember any of it. I texted my friends, frantically trying to determine that everyone I knew was okay, and I told my parents what was going on. To this day, the thing I am most thankful for is that my sister, who we'll call Tabitha, wasn't there. I don't know what I would have done if she'd been in school that day. The other main thing I remember thinking about was my King Lear presentation, which was supposed to happen right after lunch, and, as the time stretched on, I became more and more worried that I wouldn't get to do it that day. 

Shortly after my classmate saw the Discord messages about the stabbing, a video of the fight was leaked across Snapchat, as well as an image of the wound. We all looked on in horror, including my teacher (who we'll call Mr. Blake). It's objectively horrible to watch footage of a child being stabbed, no matter how grainy the video is, but, so far, we'd received no official information from the school, so this was literally all we had, and it had happened in the same building. Our principal wasn't allowed to make any statements (at least to my understanding) without it going through our superintendant and, for whatever reason, she didn't feel it necessary to get ahead of social media on this. 

I was trapped in a school with thousands of other people, one of whom had just assaulted someone. 

~

The night before my second semester of senior year began, I stayed up past midnight reading Dear Your Holiness by @mollymarymarie fleabag AU where Remus is a priest by day and a local rock musician by night, and Sirius has a popular music magazine. I had also spent much of my winter break listening to a podfic of All The Young Dudes (made it to sixth year) and generally rooting around people's bookmarks and gifts to get out of my head, so it's safe to say that, by the time I got to school in January, my brain was practially deep-fried in this new fandom, and it would only get moreso. 

~

Mr. Blake felt, after an hour or so, that we'd be safer in the boys' locker room. He brought us down through a stairwell I'd never seen before, tucked away in corner of a closet in the gymnasium. I was thrilled by the opportunity to explore and filmed the journey on my phone. It's a weird, haunting video, not just for the grim situation and shadowy rooms, but because I'm so lively behind the camera. We're all fairly upbeat, joking about how big the school is and what things must have been like when it opened. I won't share the video here, as I don't feel like doxing myself, but I did rewatch it in preparation for writing this and it's truly disconcerting to look at the inside of a building I haven't been in for over a year, to hear the voice of a past version of myself and know I'm seeing snapshots of a day that changed me forever. 

All there was to eat in the locker room were these Gatorade protein bars—mine was supposedly cookies and cream flavoured. I still remember the taste, sickly sweet and artificial. On an empty stomach, particularly an overly sensitive autistic one like mine, it was a horrible idea, and I felt sick afterwards, but god, I was so hungry. 

I sent a selfie to my parents and Tabitha, then tried to read fanfiction while listening to one of my classmates talk in what sounded like Hatian Creole with his family on the phone. Boys were constantly being paraded in to use the urinals. The walls were painted concrete blocks, the benches were narrow and hard, and so I sat there. 

~

In February, I spend a weekend binge-reading A Black Mass Over Highway Ninety, which kickstarted an obsession with seventies music and fashion. I read and reread the sex scenes during my final few months of highschool, trying desperately to shut my brain up and keep me from feeling so trapped in my daily life and the school I still attended. I got into the works of @spookymoonie, who was incredibly kind to me, and used to visit and refresh their blog every day to see if they'd (sigh) written more porn. Look, man, it was really good porn. 

On the day of my high school graduation, I got dressed in pants that were too small for me, a shirt that was too big, and a cap and gown that made me look like a walking body bag. I mingled with my friends beforehand, taking pictures with people who I now haven't spoken to in months. The ceremony was long and boring but I'm a sucker for that kind of symbolic stuff, so I kind of liked it. I did say for weeks afterwards, though, that I didn't feel like I'd really graduated until I was cycling home, listening to "Telephone Line" on my tinny iPhone speaker. That was my graduation. 

And I only knew that song from the official Black Mass playlist. 

~

By the time we were finally released from the "shelter in place" and sent for lunch, it had been about three hours since our principal's initial announcement back in third period. There was little fanfare to the whole ordeal, and I don't recall any actual information being given to our parents from the school at this point, either, though I could be misremembering. Our principal simply came on the speakers and told us that the lockdown was up and we were to go for lunch. I had a pre-packaged turkey wrap that day—my mum got them from the store sometimes as a special lunch for me. I'm a vegetarian these days, so I wouldn't eat it regardless, but, even if I weren't, I don't think I could bring myself to eat one of those wraps again, not without remembering. 

We'd only been in lunch for about ten minutes when somebody pulled the fire alarm. I don't know who did it, only that it was a student and there was no fire. I hate the fire alarm for the same reasons I hate all sudden, loud noises, and I was so overwhelmed already that I remember crying as we were paraded out into the parking lots, shivering in the cold, late-December air. I sat on a curb and ate my sandwich, wishing I had left when some of my classmates had, as soon as the "shelter in place" was lifted, or at least that I had my jacket and keys with me so I could get my bike and leave right then. 

The fire drill was over as quickly as it had started and, god, I wish I'd left right then. Just grabbed my shit and got the hell out of there. But, well…my English presentation. 

To anyone with rational mind capabilities, it would be incredibly obvious by now that said English presentation was absolutely not happening. A child had been stabbed, we'd all seen it on video and then been trapped for three hours— King Lear was far from a pressing concern. But I was traumatized and one of my groupmates was leaving the next day, so it felt like an emergency. So long as I was focused on my presentation and the soap opera-like melodrama of the play, I didn't have to think about what was happening around me. 

Anyway, we did nothing English related fourth period, instead sitting in a circle and letting our teacher talk us through how we were feeling. I'm very grateful to her for giving us the space she did to feel our fear and anger without judgement, and I will never forget her telling us that we were to use the teachers' bathrooms for the rest of the day, and if any administrators had a problem with it, they could take things up with her. It might not seem like much, but when the stabbing had occured in a student bathroom, it was really nice for someone to acknowledge that we might be scared. 

Another hour, or so, and the day was over. 

~

I also want to get ahead and make sure I'm not framing my leaving of the Marauders fandom as a particularly good thing, or a good time in my life. I was still depressed and unemployed and, even after I finally got a job in August, I managed to hit several more crushing lows before the end of 2023—I was just reading different fanfiction to cope. At the very least, though, I was reading fic for stuff I was actually a fan of, which is typically a good place to start. 

The feeling reminded me a bit of the one I used to get after I'd finished writing and posting a piece of puppet erotica—just this overwhelming sensation of "Wait, what was that?" It's like post-nut clarity, except clearly not. My time as a Marauders fan feels, in retrospect, like a bastardization, an appropriation. I was not a real fan because I didn't really care—I just needed something safe to numb my pain and confusion. That's why it feels so important to make sure I'm not trying to represent or bash the fandom in any way. It wouldn't be fair, because I wasn't really, genuinely a part of it. 

~

When I finally had cycled home and let myself in the back door, I only remember collapsing. My mum was in the living room and I just stood there, I think. All I really remember is this image of how I think I looked, as though my mind had floated out of my head and taken a photograph. My face is very pale and completely blank, my bag somewhere on the floor next to me, and I'm staring at nothing, the performance of being okay just…evaporating. I know my mum told me she'd been facetiming my grandparents and aunt throughout the day and they were worried as well. 

One thing I often forget about that day is that, barely an hour after coming home, I had a violin lesson over zoom. I assume it must have been a similar situation to the King Lear presentation, where I had to act as normal as possible in order to not completely freak out. I told myself that I couldn't cancel, because then I'd have to pay the fee, but, like. I'm pretty sure he would have made an exception. I remember telling him "oh, by the way, I'm a little out of it because someone got stabbed at school today," and seeing the utterly baffled look on his face. He offered to postpone, and I declined. I was not a very good student that day—I think I'd forgotten what we did in the lesson before the hour was even finished. 

I went downstairs afterward and told my mum everything—I think. Either that or I lay in bed. The next thing I remember is going to school the next day, because I was still clinging to that King Lear presentation. Or maybe it was just because I didn't know what to do with myself? No idea. The next night, I was feeling sick and tested positive for Covid. 

So that was nice. 

~

My high school was never the same after the stabbing. Rules got stricter, a mass of teachers quit or transfered, the classes graduated and moved on, and I truly think something died that day. No matter how bad things were beforehand, there was always this hope I felt—this optimism. Even if I'd been cynical for weeks, all it took to love that shitty old building was an orchestra concert or a school play. It was trash, but it was home. That love didn't come back. 

My love for the Marauders proved to be just as fleeting. I literally woke up one day last July with a craving for this Good Omens/Buzzfeed Unsolved crossover fanfiction (called video appeal by ravel_aorla) and that was the end of my phase. Poof! Avada Kadavra! 

I'm proud to say, though, that I'm doing much better now. I'm writing and editing this in my college dorm room, which I moved into just yesterday. I'm also very into My Chemical Romance now, and am able to share that interest (and a long furby) with one of my best friends, @vriska-serketboard. It's been a year and a half since my high school has darkened the door of my feet and I am worlds better for it. 

Call it instinct as a former GSA leader, but that's how I want to end this. It get's better. I got better, and you can too. 

Thank you.

[thegorysaint]

Long Time No See

Hello everyone! I'm finally at the tail end of the rough month I had (and years).

 I wanted to get back to streaming today but i think i will take a couple extra days and start on Tuesday. Now I will explain what happened, so if you are not interested in that you can skip the read no problem : )

Mid May I got a really bad case of gastritis that lasted for 3 to 4 days, meaning, I had really bad stomach ache, I honestly dont remember but i probably ate something too spicy. Then after that week on a Sunday at 2 am I got what i thought was an allergic reaction to some ham and salami. I went to the ER when I started feeling itchy all over and my face swollen.

I stood around the ER for about hour and a half and I was not getting treated, so i just decided to go at the drugstore for at least some allergic medicine, i was feeling better on the way home but as soon as i was pulling up I felt bad again, i was really tired, it was almost 6 am so i went to take a nap to rest and let the medicine work. I woke up an hour later with a rash all over my arms and itchy all over my neck and chest. I googled to see if there was a 24/7 doctor nearby and luckily there was one.

After explaining everything I got a shot for the allergic reaction and some pills to take the next 3 days. Omg, it was so bad, at that time i didnt know the shot should of taken care of the reaction, so i thought it was normal and was gonna go away with the pills. The rash was going away little by little the next couple of ways but still very itchy and visiting the bathroom too many times during the day (not the good kind of bathroom visits).

After going to the same clinic but different Doctor, i was diagnosed with Food Intoxication, not food poisoning or allergic reaction, I had a fever that i didnt notice. So they were gonna give me antibiotics pills but i asked to get the injections, because I know antibiotics are really bad for my gut and i was already at my limit with the bathroom visits. Luckily the Doctor said ok and i had to take only 3 injections, 1 each day, and some pills in case i felt more pain or fever. Literally 40 minutes after the first injection i felt great, no pain in my stomach or guts, it got so relaxed that i was able to burp and without feeling nauseous for the first time in a week.

I was finally so relaxed that i was able to sleep a full night. After the 3 days have passed i was feeling so good, better than what i've felt in the last couple of months. I was able to eat without wanting to puke it out as soon as it touched my mouth, and the bathroom only saw me once a day. Funny thing is, my brother came for a surprise visit so, while i was still recovering physically, he helped me to recover mentally, he stayed for a week and by the end of it i was feeling so good and full of energy (even tho I was under the sun sweating my butt off a couple of days).

He left before this past weekend so i've been just recharging my social battery. I was feeling so good i got into the pool a couple times to just relax, pretty much I had a vacation week because my bro was here (totally making me want to go to my hometown again but the heat is worse there for some reason).

So, for now I just need to get my energy back and not let the bad energies to return, I'm trying to focus this week on getting my sleeping schedule back to normal (something i fixed before i got sick), and trying to get in the rhythm of drawing again. I want to get some stuff before I go to visit my bro for a couple of months around mid August or September but I really need to sell some stuff I dont need. Also kinda making plans to move to Japan as soon as possible, the forecast for my country is not good with the election and if the new term people have it their way, Mexico is heading to a really bad place.

I wanted to visit USA before going to Japan to visit friends but obviously I havent been making enough money to save up, so unless i win the lottery that aint happening because my mom doesnt want to go to USA for whatever reason. That means I will start fully focusing on getting on track with projects so I can afford a living.

Sorry for the delay of all my stuff, last year was really bad mentally and physically for me, and sentimentally was devastated for the second year in a row, now I will try to focus on not getting attached to people for a while and just work work work (dont worry, that just means im not going to search for a romantic long term relationship, specially not long distance online)

So, I apologize for my lack of professionalism and I really appreciate your patience, it really means a lot.

https://www.patreon.com/posts/long-time-no-see-105561594

[pttwice]

can i request little mina having a rough day because she's overstimulated with everything so she just lays on her mama nayeon's chest and nayeon just rubs her back and comforts her baby

hi anon :) absolutely :( ugh i love little mina so so much & i know that nayeon loves her baby :((

(All the italicized text is what happened prior to them coming home from running errands! Also, this is a part of the little!mina au which you can find the other two parts in my masterlist or here as 1 and 2)

mama's love

|| little!mina, cg!nayeon / little!mina au / non-idol au ||

The second Mina and Nayeon got home from running errands, the little laid face down on the couch. She didn't want anyone to talk to her or touch her.

//

"Do you want to come to the store with mama? I've gotta run a few errands and I don't want to leave my little angel all alone." Nayeon crouched down by the little who was contently coloring a picture of a Christmas tree in.

Mina looked up at her mama and thought for a second. She most certainly didn't want to be left alone in the house, but she didn't really want to go out shopping either. It was always too bright and loud.

Making up her mind, Mina got up and gently took her mama's hand, following her to the front door. Nayeon helped the little put her shoes on before picking her up and grabbing the car keys.

Mina wasn't the biggest fan of car rides due to them usually meaning she was going to be placed somewhere new, but her mama made sure to make them extra comfy for her. She'd always turn Mina's favorite music on, and now that it was winter, she'd keep it extra toasty.

The first store Nayeon had to go to was an arts and crafts store to pick up wrapping paper. One of the other social workers she worked with had a birthday coming up and she had the gift for the woman, but no wrapping paper.

The first store wasn't too bad. They were playing Christmas music and there were lots of Christmas decorations and Christmas themed craft supplies for Mina to look at while her mama picked out a wrapping paper.

"Mama! Pengi!" Mina held up the unpainted wooden ornament and showed it to her mama. Nayeon glanced down at it and smiled, looking back to the little.

"Do you want mama to get it for you? You can paint it and put it on our tree." Nayeon let out a small laugh when Mina excitedly nodded her head. She picked out the wrapping paper she wanted and Mina's ornament before checking out and heading to the next store.

The second store was fun as well. Nayeon's friend — and the woman she happened to have a huge crush on — Jeongyeon was throwing a house warming party. Jeongyeon had just moved into a new apartment and invited Nayeon over for a party that weekend. Even though she told Nayeon not to bring anything, Nayeon still wanted to bring something.

The second store, oddly enough, was the Lego store. Mina loved Legos and was more thana happy to look at all the sets while her mama picked out a little home set for her friend. There were a few sets that Mina wanted herself, but she had never been brave enough to ask for them.

The only gifts that Mina had gotten before were from the care facility for her birthday and Christmas and from the second placement. She had played with Legos with the other littles at the care facility, but she had never had any of her own.

As Nayeon picked out the small house that she wanted to get for Jeongyeon and looked down at Mina, her heart broke. Mina was so patiently and calmly looking at all the Lego sets, particularly fixated on a set with penguins.

When Mina had first gotten to the care facility and Nayeon was assigned as her social worker, Nayeon read through her file about a million times. She kept an eye on her whenever she'd visit some of the kids at the care facility and she noticed that Mina was almost always playing with Legos.

Making a mental note to pick the set up later that Mina seemed to really wanted, she took the little's hand and checked out with Jeongyeon's housewarming gift.

The last two stores were Mina's least favorite. Mina always hated grocery stores, and Nayeon liked to shop at the big ones so she could get most of what she needed in only one or two stores.

Mina hated the huge LED lights and there was always an annoying buzz from the lights that made her ears hurt. In the grocery stores, Mina didn't leave Nayeon's side. She held onto her mama's shirt sleeve the whole time, jumping at any sudden noises from a cart bumping into a shelf or the voice over the speakers.

Unfortunately, Nayeon needed to spend the most time in the grocery stores. She had to stock up for the week, so Mina was left to try and not have a meltdown in the middle of the two stores.

By the time they finished up at both grocery stores, Mina was one little noise away from ending up on the floor and crying her eyes out. Nayeon could tell by the way the little was more quiet than usual and how Mina was clinging onto her arm.

Nayeon quickly checked out of the second grocery store and tossed the groceries into the trunk of the car. It took a little coaxing to get Mina into the passenger seat, but eventually, Nayeon was able to drive the little home as quietly and peacefully as she could.

//

Nayeon set her bags down by the front door and put the groceries away as quickly as she could. Once she was finished, she sifted through the bags, looking for the unpainted wooden penguin decoration Mina picked out.

Nayeon gently sat down on the couch by Mina’s legs. “Do you want your penguin, sweet pea?”

Mina shook her head and let out a muffled whine into the couch before turning around to get close to her mama but still far enough away that she wasn’t touching her.

Knowing Mina still needed a little time to recover from such a hard day out, Nayeon set the penguin decoration on the coffee table. She sat back on the couch and pulled her phone out and put her legs up on the extended part of the couch.

For a while, Mina just laid face down beside her mama. She liked that it was quiet and she didn’t have to hear anyone or anything.

Once Mina had calmed down a bit, she looked up at her mama, eyes a little glossy with tears. She sat up and crawled over to her mama, looking up at her with a frown.

Nayeon set her phone down on the arm of the couch and looked down at the little, heart aching at how tired she looked. “Do you want to lay on mama, angel?”

Mina gave her mama a small nod and crawled onto her lap. She curled up as small as she could, head tucked into her mama’s chest.

The second Nayeon’s hands came to rest on Mina’s back, all of the day’s problems slowly faded away. Mina closed her eyes and focused on her mama’s heartbeat and the feeling of her mama’s gentle touch.

“You did such a good job for me today, angel.” Nayeon quietly spoke, tracing small, mindless shapes into Mina’s back. “Thank you for going out with me today. I know it was tough for you.”

Mina let out a small whimper and tucked her head further against her mama, wishing she could just melt into her.

“Do you mind if I turn the TV on? I’ll keep the volume low.”

Mina nodded and kept her eyes closed. The quiet hum of the characters speaking on the TV and the feeling of her mama’s warm hands were enough to lull her into a better headspace. Mina felt safe in her mama’s arms.

[archoniluthradanar]

An Overnight Camp out with the Volturi Masters

First up in the Summer Fun with the Volturi Masters, polled story series results.

Winner and story number one

An Overnight Camp Out with the Volturi masters.

It's Summer in Volterra. It's also very quiet, except for a few trials that were over and done with rather quickly. The defending party was determined early on to be guilty, making the process very simple. You feel restless, wanting to go somewhere. Anywhere. You tell Aro about the trips and vacations you used to take back home. Intrigued, he asks you for examples.

"We used to camp out at the lake, go fishing, check out the theme parks, or visit to the state fair. Sometimes we'd go watch a baseball game more than once in a season," you explain to him while sitting at his feet on the dais.

"This camping. What does it involve?" Aro asks, interested.

You're surprised at his question. "Haven't you ever been camping? Surely when you were a human in ancient times, people camped all the time. I mean, there were fewer hotels and Airbnb's around back then."

"If I have, I've forgotten it. Much of our human lives becomes foggy after so long a time, my dear." Aro thought a moment. "Let us do this camping thing. Buy whatever you need for all four of us to go."

"Well, you three will not be needing much. It's I who will be needing a few things. I'll see to it right away, Aro."

You decide to go shopping for a few necessary supplies, and decide to take Felix along since he is the strongest of the Volturi Guard. "Felix, we'll need to go a sporting goods store. Do you know of one around here?"

He drives to the one store he is aware of that sells such things. You explain the camping trip, and ask if he remembers camping out. He answers in the affirmative and tells you a story about him killing a bear, bare-handed, when it tried to take away his roasting venison. "The beast dared to steal it, but I grabbed him by the throat and broke his neck. Fortunately, he didn't have enough time to begin to eat the deer meat and I was able to retrieve it."

You look over at Felix, the so called executioner of the Volturi, and mentally picture that amazing moment he killed a bear without any weapons, and when he was human. You still don't fear him, but now you know who to have around should you ever get attacked by a bear.

Walking around the store, you peruse tents because you're not exactly the roughing-it type. At least with a tent, you'll have some place to change and sleep. The masters don't sleep, but might enjoy having a place to sit and talk during the nighttime hours, out of any bad weather.

Next up is finding a small gas grill, a pot to brew coffee in, and a small folding skillet to cook meals in, again something the masters don't have to think about. You throw one set of portable dinner-ware into the cart. The last things needed were a few easy-to-cook emergency food packs and Pop Tarts. Healthy eating is not a consideration for a weekend camp out, so you throw in a few Jiffy Pop popcorn tins. You grab long matches, an LED flashlight, and three large LED lanterns, bio-degradable TP, and wet wipes.

Finally, you pick up several containers of water and one bottle of water-purifying tablets, just in case. You apologise to Felix for choosing the heavy tent. Luckily they needed only enough for the weekend, but everything could be re-used later on. Perhaps the Guards would like to indulge sometime, you tell Felix.

Once you reach the castle, Felix carries the tent, still in its box, to sit at the back door. He goes to the garage and brings around the larger SUV, storing the tent box in the back. before putting everything else on the third seat. Caius is going to drive, although he doesn't know about the trip yet. Aro will sit in the front passenger seat because he likes being up front, while you and Marcus will sit in the second row. You really hope the other masters agree to go. You like to snuggle up next to Marcus when driving since it makes you sleepy. He never seemed to object.

When Caius and Marcus were told about the camp out, they balked at first, but after you tell them about the fun it can be, they relent and agree to go.

The next morning, everyone climbs into the SUV, and you give Caius directions to a lake park where short-term camping is permitted.

Once you find the perfect spot at the lake's edge, you and the masters get out the tent and the accompanying equipment. You pull out the instructions and read them aloud.

"I can be of help securing the stakes." To demonstrate, Caius takes one, and holding the tip to the grass, pushes it deeply into the ground with his hand. He completes securing each stake until the tent is firmly in place.

"It looks perfect, thank you Caius. You are a wonder sometimes," you say, praising his ego in all sincerity.

He looks at you, offended. "Only sometimes?"

You smile, putting your hand over your mouth. You walk into the tent, and examine the large back room, then come up front to check out the front room and the outer area where people can sit under an overhead canopy. You love this! The back room is all yours to use since the masters do not need it. With the dividers in place, you'll have complete privacy.

Since this area doesn't permit open fires, you set up the LED lanterns, two out front and one inside the tent. You're hoping to catch a few fish on which to use the gas grill, but without gear, you're not sure this is even a viable idea.

You stand near the edge of the lake, noticing fish swimming in the water. You wish you had a pole, but wonder if the masters have a talent for fishing by hand, what with their speedy reflexes. "Can any of you fish with your bare hands?" you ask.

Caius agrees to try, proud of his vampire skills. He removes his shoes and rolls up his jeans, as do you. He steps into the stream, holding out his hand for you to follow him in. The water is cold, and you envy Caius for being resistant to extreme temperatures.

He bends over in the water and peers past the sun reflecting off the surface.

"Oh look, over there!" you shout, pointing a finger at a passing fish.

Caius is as still as a statue, his hands waiting close to the water. When the fish swims past him, his hands shoot out and grab the fish, then he tosses it onto the bank where it lies flopping on the grass.

You grab his arm, whooping it up, knowing dinner will be fresh fish tonight. You turn to Aro and Marcus, who are watching. "Sure you don't want to try?" you ask them. Aro responds by making a face, and Marcus waves a hand indicating he is more interested in watching. You turn back to Caius, your hands on his back while you cheer him on as he stalks another fish.

"Two should be enough, " you tell him. "Maybe three."

Caius waits patiently, then grabs for another fish, and again, throws in onto the bank. "One more," he asks, seeing you smile and nod your head.

His hyper-vision sees another coming their way. After a few minutes, he reaches out and grabs it from the water. He readies to toss it onto the bank, but is not in the best position, and loses his footing. You try to hang onto him, which is a bad mistake, and you both fall into the water. Aro and Marcus rise from their folding chairs, and flash to the lakeside, reaching out their hands to help.

Caius looks like death hunting for a victim, but soon begins to laugh. You are laughing and freezing, your teeth chattering from the cold. Caius picks you up and hands you up to Marcus, who takes you to the tent to change out of your wet clothes. Caius takes care of that outside the tent, then places the fish in a metal pail you had earlier filled with water.

Dressed in dry clothing now, you leave the tent to sit on the ground next to the masters chairs, to let the warm sun dry your hair.

You are reminded of the fish in the metal pail, and turn to the vampires. "So who is volunteering to clean my fish?" You rise to go fire up the small grill you bought at the sporting good store and wash the skillet in some of the bottled water. When you hear only silence, you turn to the trio. "Please, Aro, I don't like cleaning fish. Too much blood and guts. You guys love blood and guts."

"The human has a point, brother," Caius says.

"Caius, please? And...'the human'? Seriously?" You give him a nasty stare, wondering if it was a joke or a slip of the tongue.

"Don't antagonize him, child, or you'll be eating Pop Tarts for dinner," Marcus warns.

You roll your eyes, then turn back to Caius. "Please, Master?" You rarely call them by that term because they never demand it of you.

Caius comes to you, and dances his fingertips over your shoulder and down your bare arm. "And what do I get in return, little human? I firmly believe in quid pro quo."

You shiver at his touch, but you know he's just playing a game with you. You hope anyway, so you decide to play along. "And what would you want in return?" Since that day in the park, the masters seem to delight in showing you the relationship between you all has moved up a notch, even if only in fun.

"Just this." Caius leans in to kiss you, his tongue moving over your lips, then he backs up.

You swallow hard, saying, "I think I can give you that." Not that it matters, since he'd claimed his payment already.

Caius heads for the pail. Not needing a knife, he slits the fish bellies with his fingernail and removes the guts, washing the fish in the pail of water. Bringing up a bloodied finger to his lips, he tastes the creatures' red fluid. As soon as he swallows, he gags. The small amount of fish blood is expelled from his mouth along with a good portion of venom. "That is awful!" he cries out. "Wretched animal drinkers. How do they stand such deviant behavior!"

You go up to the poor sick vampire and thank him with a kiss to his cheek, before going to prepare to fry your fish.

By the time you've cleaned up after dinner, the sun has nearly set. You put out the two lanterns, more for yourself than the masters. You tell them camping tradition dictates ghost stories be told. You offer to go first.

You tell them about a young couple, who fall in love and marry. Caius sighs, uninterested in romance stories. You hush him and continue. The couple live a happy life together. But the husband has one question. Why does his wife wear a red ribbon around her neck, never taking it off. He asks her once and is told it's not important, as long as they are happy. He never asks again. Many years later, when the wife becomes ill due to her advanced age, he asks the question one more time. The wife says before she dies, that he may finally remove the red ribbon. When he does, her head rolls from her neck, falling to the floor at his feet.

Aro, the intellectual, frowns, wondering why her head had been removed in the first place, and then temporarily mended with a red ribbon. "How could she possibly live all that time?" he scoffs.

Marcus is quiet, thinking about Didyme, his own lost spouse.

Caius laughs. "Priceless," he says, chuckling loudly.

Everyone takes turns telling macabre stories, but you have a feeling the Volturi are sharing true reminiscing from their over-long existences.

It is late now, and you are yawning. Before you get ready for bed, you grab the lantern, some TP, and the wet wipes, and start to leave camp, heading into the trees.

"Aro, I have to go take care of some...personal business. I'll be right back." You start to go but a hand restrains you.

"We will go with you to protect you," Aro says.

"You will not!" You stop and turn to face the three vampires, holding up your hand, palm open to them. "This is private personal business. Something you three don't have to deal with anymore."

"We hear animal noises out in the woods," Caius said gravely.

You hear nothing, but know they have hyper-hearing as well.

"It might be a bear," Aro cautioned.

"It could be a wolf," Caius suggested.

"Suppose it's a mountain lion," Marcus warned.

"It's probably a raccoon!" you counter. "Why are you trying to scare me?" You stand with one hand on your hip, glaring at the trio of vampires.

"It's not safe, my dear, to wander around in the darkness," Aro states in reply.

"I won't be wandering around. And I have a flashlight. Look, sirs, this is private, do you comprehend? Private, as in using a tree as a shield for toilet duty!" You blush bright pink in the darkness you know the masters can easily see in. You watch Aro slowly grin, grateful he finally gets it.

"Now don't follow me. Just keep your ears open for any more animal sounds or Bigfoot or whatever, and if I scream, then come running."

"We will be ready to protect you in an instant, child," Marcus says before you smile at him and leave for the cover of darkness to tend to your business.

By the time you are ready for bed, you're so sleepy, you can barely keep your eyes open, so you bid the masters good night. They will stay outside, talking or whatever else they want to do. You kiss and hug each in his turn, then go inside the tent and light up the lantern on the floor of the tent's back room. You undress and slip on your sleep shorts with the matching sleeveless tank top. You brush your hair and use some of the water to tend to your teeth. Once you've done all that, you lie down on the opened sleeping bag, the room a bit too warm to sleep inside the closed bag.

You're lying on your side, when you hear someone enter the tent. Then you see Marcus peek his head through the divided canvas "wall" between the back and front rooms. Looking up, while you rest on one elbow. "Marcus, is something wrong?"

"No, child. I just wondered if you wanted any company until you fall asleep."

You smile, knowing it's Marcus who wants the company. You hadn't meant to sadden him with your ghost story. "Please," you say, scooting over. "Do you want to lie here on the sleeping bag? It's a bit warm and your body will cool me."

"Shall I undress then?" he asks in all innocence. "To cool you down."

"No! No thank you." All you didn't need was a naked Marcus lying next to you.

He quietly lies beside you, and peers at your beauty, a beauty he feels you don't realize you have.

You turn off the lantern and lie back down, your head resting on a small travel pillow. "Are you enjoying yourself, Marcus?"

"It has been a pleasant day," he replies.

"Perhaps next time, we can find a long term camp ground." you suggest.

"Or perhaps the guards would enjoy going, next time."

"Gotcha." You smile and lean in to give Marcus a kiss on his cheek.

You lie next to the tall master, remembering the day in the park, and how he had taken care of you after all three masters gave you pleasure by having sex with you. You reach out and touch his cold cheek.

Marcus takes your hand from his face and kisses the palm.

You lean in when he does this, tentatively kissing his cold lips. "Marcus, did Aro ask you to come in here?"

You can almost make out a smile on his face in the dark, now that your eyes are more acclimated. You scoot closer to him while he lies on his side. The coolness of his body feels good in the warmth of the tent. You hear no breath from his nose or mouth. You feel no rise and fall of his chest. He is a monster to some, a killer. You do not fear him, however. Nestling closer, you exhale, relaxed and feeling safe. And cool.

The next morning, someone comes into the tent and sets a cup of hot coffee next to you. You open your eyes to see Marcus gone and Caius standing over you. "Thank you, and how do you know how to make coffee?" you ask.

"I've learned a few things since your arrival." He pulls a package from his pocket and hands you Pop Tarts. "To go with your coffee. Then up you go. Aro wants to leave in a few hours."

"Of course." You smile at him as he leaves, then open the Pop Tarts and eat them in between sips of coffee. You wash up with some of the bottled water, and brush your hair and teeth. Finally you dress in shorts and an over-size T-shirt.

When you leave the tent to tend to your morning 'personal' business, the masters do not tease you this time. They merely watch you walk away, your legs highlighted by the shorts you're wearing. Knowingly, you yell as you go, "You guys need to get out into the world and mingle with modern women." Then you laugh.

Once everything has been packed away, all four of you climb into the SUV, and leave for Volterra.

"I hope you all enjoyed yourselves with a sample of camping out."

Caius and Aro agree, albeit unenthusiastically. Marcus drapes his arm around you, and whispers he enjoyed the time he spent with you last night.

Impulsively, you hug him. You wonder how you will ever leave this family you had accidently been inducted into. Actually, they probably won't let you leave, and that makes you happy. They have not killed you yet, so there must be something about you they like. You nestle against Marcus and watch the scenery pass until you reach Volterra, and home.

[camp-counselor-life]

Alrighty friends, today was ok. Rough in some ways, most ways, but there were some standout moments. The air quality is real bad right now, so I'm in asthma purgatory, in addition to my other health stuff, both physical and mental.

Here are today & this weekend's good things:

I was able to play 2 different "studies" for the French horn, which I picked up to actually try to play for the first time in years, like, a week ago?

I went out to trivia last night and we got 3rd place! Our team name was an orange cat reference.

I went to the library for some chill time on Saturday.

My garden is giving me peas and funky lettuce!! Don't vibe with the lettuce, but garden fresh peas are my bae.

I did a really neat drawing on Saturday, which I might show you if I get brave.

I've been writing more poetry and wrote a fair amount over the weekend.

Today, I was able to go home to deal with my asthma (eventually).

Also today, I was able to get a lot done, including mailing a badge kit, finally responding to many emails after taking sick time last week, and finishing my initial translation work for astronomy.

I reached out to a contact about getting some resources and tips for bilingual programs.

And I survived. I am surviving.

[spacetimesystem]

After a homelessness scare a friend had years ago, I've learned a lot about just my local situation -- and we've had several years of funding cuts and facist leadership since then.

Many shelters only accept referrals from the local council. This is messy and/or awkward for a whole host of reasons. First of all: access to a phone. If they can't afford a phone and can't find somewhere that will let them use theirs, this usually requires physically travelling to the council building to call them from one of their own freephones (yeah, they gotta call the council from the council). Yanno how much area this council covers with that one building? Approximately 30 sq. miles. So from most places, the homeless person would have to somehow either get the money for a bus, or walk for 2 hours to get there.

Provided they do manage to contact the council, you really think they'll just get a shelter and that's that? Nah, the council will also refer them through their "programs" for homeless people. Sure, the offer of support beyond just housing sounds good, but how do you think most people end up homeless in the first place? Through the council's negligence.

When I was a teenager, me and a friend of mine applied to a charity program advertised to help troubled youth get their lives back on track. During the interview, my friend swore a couple of times and was scolded. I did not, I masked heavily, and presented well. Guess which one of us was offered a place on the program? (needless to say I didn't take it bc I was pissed off at the injustice.) If a charity will treat children that way, what chance does a mentally ill adult have?

Let's dive into those "support" schemes, shall we?

One of them offers to pay the first month's rent to allow someone to move into a rented accommodation. Of course, then that person will have to somehow find the money to keep paying the regular rent and pay back the council.

Okay, so if they can't afford that, what else? There's social housing. According to the website it takes 15 working days after all the paperwork is received to process the application. Then there has to be somewhere available. The current average waiting time to get social housing depends on your specific individual needs and whether or not you're considered an 'emergency'. Obviously, families with young children usually get first dibs. Average wait time varies between three months and over two years. And then you still have to have the money to pay the rent (albeit a much lower rent usually affordable on benefits but if your benefits get cut off for any reason you're screwed)

You can get referred to a shelter, but those are always temporary and come with a whole host of additional conditions you have to strictly follow.

I want you to take a good, long look at that list. See anything they have in common?

Most of the exclusion criteria are reasons people end up homeless in the first place.

The document goes on to say they'll consider on a case-by-case basis, based on how long it's been, the circumstances surrounding the behaviour, and if you've improved. How many people do you think get better while they're living rough? Fuck, as a mentally ill person there are things I've done that would exclude me if the council knew about it (remember: public meltdowns and psychosis can be considered antisocial behaviour).

Out of the shelters available without referral, most are christian. Some are single-sex and others only house specific age ranges (usually 18-25). Most only allow you to stay for a certain amount of time before they either kick you out or expect something else from you (money, labour, etc).

Some local unhoused people told me one of our local shelters charges them money. The only free, all-sexes, non-referral local shelter I know of is closed on weekends.

Yes, I live in a city with five seperate wards listed as being in the top 10% most deprived areas in the country, but if you think for a second things get much better for homeless people anywhere else, you're completely misguided.

Also, like, I'm sorry but if you've set up a free shelter, and people refuse to go because sleeping on the sidewalk under a freeway bridge is more pleasant, that's fucking on you, that's not on them.

You really can't compete with sleeping under the overpass so you are going to force people into shelter?

Unspeakably cruel and stupid.

[kimmysurveyblog]

46

　10 HOW’S

How did you get one of your scars? I have a scar on my ankle from shaving.

How did you celebrate your last birthday? I don't remember at all. Probably had a craft beer or 2, and we probably got pizza.

How are you feeling at this moment? I'm actually feeling super sad. I've been forced to think about my (deceased) mom this past week and I reeeeeally miss my parents. I hope this wave of sadness passes soon.

How did your night go last night? Fine. Didn't do anything interesting, went to bed early.

How did you do in high school? I went through some SHIT in high school so it was rough.

How did you get the shirt you’re wearing? I bought it from Old Navy.

How often do you see your best friend? We live together.

How much money did you spend last month? I'm not sure. A regular amount.

How old do you want to be when you get married? Now would be fine. He's been very clear about wanting to propose soon.

How old will you be at your next birthday? 33.

　9 WHAT’S

What is the most important part of your life? My daughter and boyfriend, my mental & physical health.

What did you do last weekend? It was Canada Day weekend! We spent some time with bf's dad, and relaxed mostly.

What did you last cry over? My mom being dead. I want to hug her so badly.

What are you worried about? Nothing serious or important lol.

What is your mother’s name? Debbie.

What always makes you feel better when you’re upset? Sleeping.

What would you rather be doing? Nothing.

What’s the most important thing you look for in a significant other? Kindness.

What did you have for breakfast? Cold brew.

　8 HAVE YOU’S

Have you ever done something outrageously dumb? Ohh yes.

Have you ever had sex on the beach? No. That sounds awful.

Have you ever been backstabbed by a friend? For sure.

Have you ever been out of the country? Yes, but only because I'm a 30 minute drive from the border.

Have you ever dated someone younger than you? Yes.

Have you ever liked someone who already had somebody? No.

Have you ever been brokenhearted? Yes!

Have you ever read an entire book in one day? Maybe in high school.

　7 WHO’S

Who is the last person you saw? My boyfriend.

Who is the last person that you texted? Therapist.

Who called you last? My uncle.

Who is the last person you hung out with? My online bestie and her husband. :)

Who did you hug last? Boyfriend.

Who is the last person that texted you? Therapist.

Who was the last person you said “I love you” to? Uncle.

　6 WHERE’S

Where does your best friend live? Ontario.

Where is your favorite place to be? In my house.

Where did you sleep last night? My bed.

Where did you last hang out? Park this morning with my family.

Where do/did you go to school? Not sharing. Somewhere in Ontario.

Where did you last adventure to? We go on adventures all the time. Sooo many beautiful adventure spots where I live.

　5 DO’S/DOES

Do you ever wish you were someone else? No.

Do you think anyone despises you? Nah.

Do you like someone right now? Love.

Does the future scare you? A little.

Do you have any secret powers? No.

　4 WHY’S

Why are you best friends with your best friend(s)? He is the sweetest, funniest, most intelligent person I've ever met. We're kindred souls. And we have a lot in common.

Why did your parents give you the name you have? They liked it.

Why did you get a MySpace? Peer pressure, most likely.

Why are you doing this survey? I need something to get my mind off of why I'm sad before bed.

　3 IF’S

If you could have one super power what would it be? Time travel.

If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you? Yes. There are so many things I'd want to say to and ask my parents.

If you could live anywhere, where would it be? Northern Ontario somewhere.

　2 WOULD-YOU-EVER’S

Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love? I guess?

Would you ever get back together with any of your exes if they asked you? No.

　LAST 1

Are you happy with how your life has turned out? I think so, yes. It could be better but that's on me to change. :)

[its-ya-boi-autumn]

What's the probability you'd be interested in continuing your "Shalnark w/a pining reader" piece and making it where the reader finally moves on but Shalnark moves back 🥺👉👈

Oh that one's been a whiiiiiilllleee. I had to reread it like 4 times over to write this. I feel like this started off really good however I kind of wasn't sure how to make the ending more emotional, so it looks a little rushed and not thought of, and I feel bad, but regardless I hope you enjoy because I definitely enjoyed writing this!

Word Count: 1330

Warnings: F Reader, angst

It had been 2 years since he left. Left you with the mice in your shared home. Left you in that trailer with nothing but yourself and your thoughts. Those terrible, awful, agonizing thoughts. The physical and mental anguish you could no longer describe now vanished as if none of it had happened. It took some time but you had learned to grow. Grow out of that anguish and grow into something new. Something better. Though that movement onwards took a lot of time.

It still took some mental effort in order to manage your daily affinities. Things like taking out the trash, making food for yourself, meeting up with the new guy who'd taken an interest in you. That's right, a new man had approached and he was careful and cautious with you. He'd never known the exact situation until a year ago, but even before he knew, he took notice that something was up and to be careful about what he said and did. That meant a lot to you. It was what drew you to him in the first place.

Now here you were, in a healthy relationship cooking dinner over the top of the stove for the man of your life. Happy, for once in a really long while.

"Hey love, could you sprinkle some of that special seasoning in there? I think it tastes really good whenever you do that." his deep voice boomed through the kitchen walls and to your ears, almost startling you. You hadn't known he was even there.

"Oh, yeah baby. Let me find it first." you gave the reply, coy almost in your words. As if you had spoken to him for the first time. Though it had been a full year, you still had to get used to the fact that it wasn't Shalnark in front of you. It wasn't Shalnark who held you at night. It wasn't Shalnark that you spoke to on the phone when work got rough. It wasn't Shalnark that got those lovely, sexy gears going every weekend. It just wasn't him and you had to get that through your thick skull.

"You look beautiful." his hands made their way around your waist and connected to you belly button, his chest pressed against your back. He rested his chin on the top of your shoulder, watching over you as you stirred the stir fry against the pan.

"Thank you." the return came back dull, unthinking. As if you were a robot just obeying a simple command. It was getting to you again, the thought of him. That sickening thought of him. How he wasn't the man you wanted him to be.

"What's wrong love?"

"Nothing, just overthinking. Dinner is almost ready, I'll make your plate-"

"No darling I've got it, I'll make yours, how about that?" he suggested. You didn't have the energy to object the offer. The man took your place at the stove as he set out the plates for the two of you. You opted to sit at the table and sulk as you waited for your meal to come to you. He set the steaming plate in front of you, the smell of vegetables and herbs hitting your nose and causing your mouth to water despite your depressive mood swing.

You found yourself capable of eating however, taking small bites of the meal you'd provided. It tasted good at the very least, the special seasoning and sauce you added only enhancing the flavors in your mouth. For a moment you forgot about Shalnark. You were only sat there with your new boyfriend, eating and having a good time with him.

Until a knock came at the door.

Your boyfriend moved before you could.

"I'll get it love." he spoke intensely almost, as if being disturbed had ticked him off a little. Well, maybe more than a little. He opened the door on the side of the kitchen.

"Oh hello sir. I must have the wrong house." the voice rang loud and clear in your ears. Shooting up, your body moved on its own to see if it was really true. If he had really come back.

"Oh, well nevermind, there she is!" he said happily, greeting you with a smile and a gentle wave. Your boyfriend turned to you.

"You know this kid?" he asked, clearly irritated at the man's presence.

"Um..." you started, unable to process what to do as of right now. You'd never thought this day would come. Never thought you'd have to play out this situation. You rushed in front of your boyfriend.

"I'll be back in in just a minute baby, just give me a sec okay?" you'd hoped he'd trust you. He only gave you a curt nod, shutting the door behind you.

You turned to face Shalnark, so clearly confused and startled by the man, which wasn't like him. It took a lot to shake Shalnark typically, you knew this, so maybe it was just your boyfriend's presence alone that shook him up a bit.

"What are you doing here? I thought you left!" you whisper shouted, jutting your arms out to the man in front of you.

"I had some important business to take care of-"

"And you didn't say a word to me?" you could feel the tears stinging against your eyes, burning to be released but you wouldn't let them.

"No, I thought you wouldn't be home in time and it was urgent. I had a mission to go on baby-"

"Don't call me that, I'm not your baby." your sudden aggressiveness even frightened you, but you didn't let that show through either. You wouldn't allow Shalnark to manipulate you into a rleationship with him again. You were happy with your new boyfriend. You were lively and excitable again and you had missed that for 2 years. You weren't ready to give that up for the man that had left you in the dust, and you surely wouldn't let him take control of the situation.

"Y/n..." his voice cracked under pressure, realizing that you had moved on and did not want him anymore.

"No Shalnark, what's done is done, I don't even know why you showed up. How did you even find me?" you already knew the answer to that before it even came out of his mouth.

"It's my job to sort of find people you know, it's what I do." came the reply.

"I knew that already."

"Then why did you-"

"Why are you here?" you interrupted him once again, just wanting the answer to that question alone.

"I came to find you, you left the trailer and I wanted to know you were safe."

"I'm safer than I probably ever was with you. I'm fine, I don't need this right now. Please, just go home Shalnark, you're not welcome here." you almost could feel that terrible feeling coming back, that guilt, that agony. Coming back to bite you. You felt bad for just throwing him back out into the world, but what else could you do? You had a happy relationship and you had everything you wanted from it. There was no reason for Shalnark to be here.

You had to avert your gaze from the sadness in his eyes. You hurt him, but to be fair he had hurt you a thousand times worse. At least you had been upfront and came out to say it to him. He had been the one who had left you alone. Grieving for him.

"Alright, glad I got to see you again. I'm glad you're happy, y/n." his voice was soft as silk, quiet. That usually cheery demeanor completely gone from his aura.

And with that he left. He didn't try to drag you along or make you his again. He simply left, as he had before. A part of you wanted to call back to him, to change your mind, but you had already made your decision.

[savage-rhi]

I may be turning in my letter of resignation to my workplace tomorrow. Depends on how this "meeting" goes.

After having boundaries crossed recently, and never getting validation for the hard work I do for clients and running a department all by myself with no backup, I've had enough. My coworkers are great but having a toxic supervisor isn't worth the burnout. My clients deserve me at my best most of all.

My business venture is gonna begin soon. The final pieces of the puzzle are coming together. This past weekend I had more stuff accepted. I want to expand peer support. It's just as important as therapy and more people need access to mental health resources than what they're getting.

I'm scared. It's a big risk and it's something that may give me more control over my life, and how I can help people the most. The beginning is probably going to be rough nonetheless. I may struggle again financially. I just moved into a new place. My survival instcints are at war with my need for emotional peace and to feed my ambition.

I know I haven't been present like usual. I know I haven't updated a lot like I promised. Truthfully this is something I need to work on. I appreciate everyone that's still here with me. Especially those that see these life updates. It feels good being able to express them on here versus other places.

I'm scared but I think I'll be okay.

Know that you're loved from afar and if you feel terrified like I am, fill your lungs with fear and exhale. You got this.