#i've been daydreaming about watching this musical for months now

[hereditary20l8]

i can't believe this just happened

[hyperactively-me]

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE LISTEN TO ME PLEASE

141 Task Force + Ale and Kö with a ballerina civilian wife. THEN!!! (NO PLEASE THIS IS SO CUTE LISTEN) They came back from a mission without warning and they go to a presentation bcse they never actually saw one AND!!!! Their wife almost pass out in the middle of the stage by seeing them there (they look at her all in love and proud UGHHH).

THIS IS HELLA CUTE BYE-

BESTIE I'M LISTENING. LOUD AND CLEAR. this is so cute omg!!! also, i've never written for anyone other than ghost, and i don't have the confidence to write for anyone other than simon, so please don't be upset but i will be writing this only for ghost. (although, i genuinely want to get some practice in writing for all the other COD men, which i am trying to somewhat do through my king!ghost au, i just don't wanna fuck up their characters too badly haha. if at any point i decide to write for the others, i will totally come back to this prompt!). also, i wanted to make this more into a oneshot rather than blurb/headcanons soooo! yeah!

As the soft notes of The Sleeping Beauty Suite filled the dimly lit theater, you stood backstage, your heart racing. You sat on a spare box, fastening your pointe shoes on securely. The spotlight beckoned, the hushed whispers of the audience creating a palpable tension in the stiff air. The curtains were about to rise, and you were the prima ballerina. As you finished fastening your pointe shoes, you stood, brushing out your tutu. The weight of anticipation bore down on you, but you stood tall, chin up, back straight. You had practiced this routine a hundred times. It was just another night, another ballet. Nothing you weren’t used to. 

Except it wasn’t. 

You didn’t know your husband had just slipped in through the doors. He was still in his uniform, except for his mask and tactical gear. He never wore the mask around you. 

You had no idea that tonight would be different. All you knew was that Simon was not supposed to come back home for another three weeks. He had been deployed for three long months now. Your heart ached just thinking about how long you’ve been without him, the loneliness and longing that came with being a military spouse weighing heavy on you. 

The sudden sound of the orchestra snapped you out of your daydream, and the curtain began its ascent. Your delicate tutu billowed around you as you took your first step onto the stage, your body moving with the grace and precision that only years of training could produce.

But then, in the midst of your pirouettes and arabesques, something caught your eye in the sea of dimly lit faces. A figure, tall and strong, standing in the back of the theater. The world around you blurred as your heart leapt into your throat. It couldn't be.

Simon.

The shock of seeing him in the audience was enough to make you falter, to disrupt the airy balance of your performance. You stumble over your feet slightly, your knees shaky from the sudden interruption. 

You recover as best you can, continuing to dance. Your eyes locked onto his, you wanted to cry. He was home early. And he was here to watch you. His expression was one of awe and pride, like a lovesick puppy gazing at his beautiful wife.

You pranced and twirled, lost in the music and the whirlwind of emotions coursing through you. It was as if the two of you were the only people in the world, the stage your sanctuary.

As the final notes of the music filled the theater, you struck your final pose, your breath ragged, your body trembling. The audience erupted into applause, their adoration washing over you like a warm embrace. But your eyes remained locked with Simon's, who was clapping with ferocious fever. His eyes never left yours. You flash him a teary, wet smile.

As soon as the curtains closed, you fell from your pose, taking in a ragged breath. 

Your fellow ballerinas had come up to congratulate you on a beautiful performance, but all you could do was say a rushed “thank you” before you were running through the backstage area. The backstage was a labyrinth of bustling dancers, stagehands, and dimly lit corridors. Your heart raced as you rushed to find a way out into the audience to reach Simon. The echoes of applause still reverberated through the walls, but all that mattered now was him.

Finally, you burst through a side door that led to the theater’s lobby. And there he was, waiting for you, his eyes shining with unbridled love and pride. His dark uniform was a stark contrast to the delicate pink of your ballet attire.

Without a word, you threw yourself into his arms, and he caught you, lifting you off your feet. The world around you ceased to exist as you held each other, tears of joy streaming down your face. His calloused hands wrap around you, squeezing you tight against him. 

“I can’t believe you’re here,” you whisper into his ear, your watery voice filled with pure happiness. 

“I missed you so much, love.” Simon placed you gently back on your feet, his hands cradling your face with care, wiping away your tears. 

“I missed you, Si,” you take in a shaky breath. “So much.”

“I– I can’t believe you’re here, how did you know?”

“I would never miss my wife’s performance, now would I?” 

A mixture of laughter and tears escaped your lips as you leaned in to kiss him, a deep and passionate kiss. It felt like a dream come true that he was here, watching you perform. It had been ages since he was last able to come to one of your performances, and his support meant the world and more to you. You pull away from the kiss, shoving your face into his neck.

“I’m so proud of you,” he whispered, his voice reverberating in your eardrums. “You looked beautiful, look beautiful.” 

You pull back, looking at him with a huge smile, rubbing his back gently. "Thank you, Si."

He pulls you back into a tight embrace, wrapping you in his warmth and burly arms. More tears welled up in your eyes, and you clung to him, feeling the weight of the months apart melt away.

His words warmed your heart. You rested your head against his chest, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. The two of you held each other close, savoring the moment as long as you could.

[star-crifice]

Donatello 2012 x Reader

Words: ~1500

A/N: This was inspired by Lovers Rock - TV Girl btw :P

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The successful invasion of New York City has been a while ago now. As you were stumbling across the streets past debris and mutated humans, you desperately sought for help. At that point, you’ve known the turtles for a few months. They send you a text to come outside so they could pick you up in their van. Not a moment has passed before they came drifting around the corner, stopping abruptly so you could jump inside.

That day, you fled your hometown and had to leave your whole life behind.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

“I love that song!” you exclaim with a small smile, not looking up from the old, chunky laptop in front of you. Donnie smiles back at you, lifting his head over his computer's screen to snatch a quick glance at you nodding your head to the beat. 

He thinks about what he should answer, analysing every option and its possible outcome. After overthinking it, he settles on a simple ‘Me too!’, however, doesn’t get it out in time, before it would be too late and awkward to answer.

Mentally facepalming himself for staying quiet, he tries to go back to work, but is quickly distracted by your humming. 

Donnie and you are alone together in the barn, just like he hoped. Though there isn’t much time for chatting or bonding or, well… making you fall for him or something…

Both of you are busy trying to translate and decode some Kraang data you stole from one of their headquarters back in NYC, before the invasion. It’s tiresome work with lots of dead ends, straining your patience. 

After a few days of sitting on the unreadable files, the Mutant decided to put on some music to lift the mood. It wasn’t as much of an impulsive idea as he pretended it was. In fact, it took him a whole day to get over his anxiety and bring up that idea.

And, who would’ve thought, he just so happened to have the perfect playlist!

Well, he actually spent a whole night calculating and putting together a playlist for the two of you. Just to make sure that the time you spent together is perfect!

A huge sigh escapes your lips as you push back your chair and spin a few times, hoping for your tired brain to reset.

“God, I’m so done with this. Nothing! NOTHING! I can’t find a single thing!” you say unintentionally loud. Donnie thinks about a way to console you, but feels the same. He’s tired and exhausted, barely got any sleep or went outside. His brothers, April and Casey have taken over patrol, giving him and you time to work on the stolen files. 

“How’s your progress?” you ask, stopping your chair from spinning and looking past the computers blocking your view from your friend.

“Extremely slow, but at least something…” He sighs, “Oh who am I kidding! I've run into a dead end two hours ago!”

He lays his head on the table in frustration. 

You take a deep breath, smelling the comforting autumn night air. The thought of taking a break outside, underneath the stars, pulls your glance towards the huge barn doors. The dim light of the old oil lamp beside you is spilling out the small gap between the doors, just like you wish you could.

Donnie notices your dreamy stare towards the wooden exit, thinking of something to say. For a moment, he dares to let his fantasies drift away from work. His little daydream trails off to laying in the grass with you, watching the stars, sharing earphones… listening to you humming to your favourite songs… your hands getting closer…

“I think I’ll go outside for a moment,” he says without thinking and stands up, turning away from you as his face heats up. He’s not sure if he needs a moment alone or hopes for you to follow him into the night, but when he hears you asking “Mind if I join?” and his heart skips a beat, all his questions seem answered.

“I’d never mind,” he says unusually confidently, all the hard work might just have turned off his anxiety for a moment.

You stand up and walk to him, he waits patiently for you to catch up. The warm but refreshing early autumn night air hugs you loosely as Donnie pushes open the doors, gesturing for you to go out first. A slight breeze dances past your bright face, making you forget about your worries for a bit. You catch Donnie’s glance and without words, both of you lead each other away from the house. As you glance inside, you see shadows walk past the curtains in the lit up windows, signalling you that your friends are done with work and exercise, calling it a day as well. 

The small hill beside the farm is basically calling your names as you wander through the dark, nothing but the moon and the house lightning up your path. But with Donnie by your side, not even walking through the dark forest scares you.

With a content sigh, you let yourself plop down into the lush grass at the top of the hill. It’s slightly damp, but not enough to bother you. Nor Donnie apparently, as he sits down right beside you. For a second, your knees touch but he pulls his leg away, making the spot feel colder than before.

Donnie's heart races as the current situation gets way too close to his little daydream from before. But something in him wants to see how far he can go, he wants to test if his dream can become reality.

You lay down in the grass, your neck hurting from looking up into the sky for the past few minutes. The turtle beside you pulls out his phone and earbuds, plugging them in and handing one to you. Smiling up at him, you carefully take it from his hand and put it into your ear, Donnie mirroring your actions before laying down beside you.

Your shoulders almost touch. Almost.

The song from before continues playing, but fairly quiet this time. You can still hear a few grasshoppers chirping, the wind rustling through the tree’s crowns and dare you say, even Donnie’s calm breathing.

You start humming again, tracing star constellations with your fingers in the sky. 

“Cassiopeia,” you mumble fondly, happy to find constellation after constellation in the clear sky, “and Hercules.” Your finger swiftly glides over to the ancient hero.

The next song starts, another one of your favourites. Either Don happens to have the same music taste as you or knows you too well, you think to yourself.

“Did you know, Hercules’ brightest star is Kornephoros,” he says quickly. You turn your head over to him, grinning.

“Smart as always, how do you just know that kinda stuff?”

He only shrugs, grinning back at you.

Unknowingly, both of you happen to glance down at your hands at the same time, and as you see how close they are, the same thought comes to your minds.

Neither of you act on it though.

To be honest, you didn’t even think you felt something for the boy. But now you lay here in the grass with him and suddenly you yearn nothing more than his touch. You want the spot on your knee to be warm and tingly again, his hand on your cold fingers, laying shoulder to shoulder.

“It’s been a while since I’ve seen such a beautiful night sky,” you break the silence.

“The city’s light pollution is awful,” he mentions, averting his gaze from you to the cloudless sky, “back here, you can see more stars that you could count.”

Ever so slightly, you move your hands closer to one another.

While you’re questioning your feelings, Donnie’s got it all figured out. He fell first, long ago. 

“The Pegasus,” you say as you accidentally point up with the hand that was right beside Donnie’s. You drop it again, cursing yourself for pulling it away. But your hand happens to fall right on top of his. Embarrassed, you pull away. God, you feel like some little kid right now, blushing over accidentally touching someone's hand.

Donnie’s heart seemed to explode for a second when you let your hand fall onto his. Was it an accident? Did you plan this? Why did you pull away? Was it weird that he didn’t pull away? 

All these questions, but there's one thing that he’s sure about: that has to happen again. And for once, this desire pushes his anxiety away and he reaches over and grabs your hand. 

From the corner of his eye he sees you turning to him, but you didn’t pull away. He’s too scared to look you in the eyes, terrified of being met with a face of disgust. 

His worries disappear though, as you turn around your hand in his grasp and intertwine your fingers. He glances at you, both your faces looking equally surprised.

Another song you love comes on, but by now you don’t even pay attention to it.

[choccyhearts]

A Collection of Steddie Thoughts For You

Note: Hello!! It's good to be back ^_^ While I was away, I've been daydreaming about Steddie x reader so much and I need to share

CW: 18+!!, NSFW headcanons at the bottom but aren't too detailed or graphic, g/n reader, r's genitals not mentioned, oral sex m and r receiving, penetrative sex, daddy kink, d/s dynamic mentioned, mentions of getting high, plz lemme know if I missed anything

Getting a new boyfriend is always so exciting and fun! But...what if you got another new boyfriend...who was also your boyfriend's new boyfriend?

That's how it started; you and Eddie Munson longtime friends slowly falling into each other as lovers, enjoying the honeymoon phase much to the envy of mutual friend (and secret crush) Steve Harrington, only for him to end up invited into your lives, relationship, and hearts.

Now, the three of you are inseparable (well, as much as you can be in a small town with an even smaller mind...)

Anyways, on to the fun....

Sfw:

The three of you piling onto a king-size mattress every night, separating from each other at some point but finding yourselves twisted together again by the morning.

Steve and Eddie like taking turns cooking breakfast, claiming you deserve your beauty rest and to be served like royalty

You and Steve sitting in the front of his car, parked at a drive-in movie and Eddie pops up dramatically from the backseat floor, gasping for air as if he wasn't begging to be the one snuck in.

Sitting on Eddie's lap and playing his guitar, his fingers guiding yours as Steve watches from across the room, heart melting.

Always having a dance partner wherever you go (usually Eddie). Eddie loves indulging in the joy or excitement you express through little dances and hyper movement and wants to encourage you so he joins in. Anything to keep the smile on his baby's sweet face.

Steve will join you if it's something he can either hold you close to sweetly, romantically and innocently...or not so innocently...*cough* man LOOOOVES grinding with you in dark bars and clubs *cough*.

On this topic, this isn't reallyyyy Steddie related...but I need it out, fuck does Steve love MJ. His albums have scored many a impromptu at home dance break or steamy makeout session. I just think it's the raw energy MJ has that entices Steve and he loves how effortlessly he can sweep a lady off her feet in the music videos and that's how he wants to make you and Eddie feel all the time. Steve may be an idiot, but he isn't dumb. He knows you and Eddie go ga ga over him and he knows he's attractive so he loves making the both of you flustered with his sensual energy and suave nature.

Steve having to witness yours and Eddie's weed fueled antics. Such as chasing trailer park kitties and begging Steve to take one home (he didn't enjoy having to be the bad guy).

But don't worry, he caves and you guys get a healthy kitty from a shelter...and return a few months later to get a labrador pup for Stevie cause his heart craves a little animal to love.

Eddie giving you and Steve massages that make you see God. Like actual massages, this isn't the NSFW part yet. He has such strong and skilled hands from all his little hobbies and having to fix his van so often. He loves getting to make his partners feel so good (😈)

Finding random hairs in random places....come on, ya'll are all gonna be shedding, if not just the two boys alone would. You haven't seen either boyfriend in hours but you just pulled a Stevie hair from your shirt and an Eddie hair from your own hair.

Eddie taking you all on a graveyard date. A sweet little picnic of Eddie Munson's famous mac n cheese (barely warm), sliced up fruits, cookies, your favorite drinks...all on a thick black blanket taken from the back of his van. It's beautiful under the stars and full moon, your boys holding on to you and basking in your warmth. Crickets chirp, little paws scamper over leaves and...is that...a growling sound under ground?....eh, oh well, you guys are too in love and in your own world to notice if there was a zombie outbreak

Steve goes for runs as a part of his morning routine, donning the same pair of navy short shorts and tennis shoes every day. Eventually, Eddie decides to join after he notices how much good it does for his boyfriend's thighs and ass (👀)

Soon, it becomes a regular occurrence to see a shirtless Eddie Munson jogging, wearing a similar pair of short shorts as Steve, just in black. The community at first thinks he's acting suspicious, a part of something they'd see on the news later...but it never happens. What does happen is the ladies, and some gentlemen, of Hawkins have taken to going outside more often...coincidentally at the same time Eddie or Steve are out for their usual run...

Jokingly squeezing Stevie's titties (🫠)

"You're so cute, I could just eat you up" Steve 🤝 "I love you so much, I wanna cut you open and live inside" Eddie

Eddie writes songs about both of you, kepeing them to himself until he's perfected them for you both to hear

You each feel like you've found your forever home. It may not be as conventional as you each probably envisioned for your future but it's so much better.

Nsfw:

Getting soft, slow, romantic, passionate, hot sex with Stevie and goofy, nasty, spicy, lustful, hungry sex with Eddie. The two of them getting a weird combo of them both when it's just them.

You adapt to whatever they throw at you and also keep them on their toes too. You love teasing them, showing your strength and that you can always handle what they give you. You act as their rock, comforting them when either of them gets emotional in any way. They both have slight issues with intimacy and having an added person can make things a bit overwhelming and each of you is understanding and caring.

Sometimes when you're too sleepy to get in the mood, you tell them to just do it next to you so you have something to fall asleep to. They do it of course, going even harder than usual to make a scene.

Sucking on Stevie's titties -- you occasionally make eye contact with Eddie whose latched on to his other one.....

They allow you to dominate them -- sometimes seriously and sometimes they keep you in subspace as they let you do what you please to them, being the sweetest, loviest softest dom daddies ever😵‍💫

S: "Aw, look at you, getting your daddies to do whatever you want them too...you're doing so well, keep going, Daddy still has a little fight to him...aren't you just the cutest dom to ever live..."

E: "Look at you, baby, so strong taking whatever you want from Daddy...good job, you're so strong, so dominant, baby...learned from the best, huh?..."

(This isn't totally NSFW really but idk, this is still daddy kink so...) Getting what the guys refer to as "daddy sandwiches", which is where they both smother your face in kisses at the same time. It's usually to cheer or rile you up, and they both love it. They just love loving on you.

Taking care of both of their morning woods, ducking under the sheets as they slowly wake up

Fucking in Eddie's van and someone at some point banging their head on the ceiling

While they both like to watch the other fuck you, it's usually Eddie that hides out of sight and watches as Steve brings you orgasm multiple times, touching himself slowly as to not give away his presence

But you also love being a little voyeur, watching your two boys love on each other, their muscles flexing and shining in the moonlight, their hands looking soooo pretty while wrapped around each other's cocks

Steve sloppily making out with you while Eddie goes down on you under the kitchen table

Licking at Steve's irresistible puckered hole as he slams in and out of Eddie🥲

2 boyfriends means 2 mouths and that just means more hickies

2 boyfriends also means lots of attention during aftercare, one going off to get you what you need as the other holds you against his chest, softly whispering words of encouragement and praise

sigh....🫠🩷

[tat3sbbg]

Could you write a smut about dom Tate

Absofuckinlutley. I want him to rail my guts out 😩

FEATURING: Reblog from taintandviolent, an audio ;) Longest thing I've written, I think (:0

𝙁𝙪𝙘𝙠 𝙢𝙚, 𝙏𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙇𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙙𝙤𝙣

Dom!Tate Langdon x reader smut

𝖂𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘: degradation, praise, smut, bit of choking, p in v penetration, reader is on birth control, but no condom, fingering, oral sex (f receiving), tate kind of throat fucks reader? female masturbation

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You hadn't had the privacy in forever to touch yourself, being in the same house with ghosts and stuff. Your parents enjoyed horror somewhat, and wanted to buy the house just to say they owned it. You'd been living there for four months now, and had never been left alone by a particular ghost: Tate Langdon. Not to say you didn't think he wasn't attractive. You thought he was very, very attractive. And you were around his age, too! You daydreamed in class about him, and when he left you alone long enough to sleep, you touched yourself to the thought of him. Needless to say, you loved him. The only person who knew that was your best friend, who lived back in your hometown.

Tate thought you were very pretty, but never had the courage to tell you. There was no way he would scare you off by being a creep and telling you he'd been watching you for months. You'd come home and he'd be sleeping on your bed, on your desk scrolling through your computer, listening to your music, going through your stuff, or some other thing he felt like. He did what he wanted. He could, he was dead. You were so adorable to him, shorter than him and all. He especially loved when you'd go to sleep, in nothing but a t-shirt, or sometimes naked. This was something he'd never admit, though.

You'd come home from school kind of stressed and upset because some girl had been mean to you about not having a crush at school. Little did she know, it was a ghost living in your house and bothering you you'd had a crush on. Your parents wouldn't be home for another 4 hours or so, leaving you some time to relax. You went upstairs to your room to find Tate not sitting somewhere for once. 'God, he must be playing a godamn trick on me, he's always here.' You thought to yourself. It very well could be true, he was always there. But within 5 minutes, he hadn't jumped out at you, he hadn't knocked anything down, he hadn't screamed. It was silent. You cautiously pulled off your jeans and replaced them for short, black spandex shorts and your shirt for a short cut but flowy crop top. You put a video on your laptop and watched it.

Sooner or later though, you found your mind lingering to thoughts of Tate. He was all you could think about. His voice, his hands, his hair, his face, how he'd look naked, etc. This made you very wet. Not to your surprise, this almost always happened. You sighed, remembering he wasn't in the room, and you hadn't heard anything. You thought of touching yourself, and then did it.

Your hands pulled up your shirt, and then pulled down your pants. you started touching your clit, then rubbing at a steady pace. You softly moaned and whined, thinking of a fantasy about Tate. This was almost the only thing you were able to masturbate to anymore.

"Tate...Oh Tate..." You moaned, twitching and on the edge of orgasm. You had been so immersed you didn't hear his footsteps. He went to touch your doorknob, and twisted it. It was too late.

"What are you doing?" Tate asked skeptically. Of course, he just wanted to hear it from you. He knew exactly what you were doing. He'd heard. In fact, he'd been outside for a couple minutes. But you didn't know that.

"T-Tate! Why didn't you knock? I was doing nothing!" You defended.

"Oh really? Then why were you moaning? And why is your shirt up, and your sheets over your waist?" He asked. You knew you couldn't hide if for long, if he heard your moans he heard his name.

"God, you're pathetic aren't you? You won't even admit it! I already heard you!" Tate laughed, hands on his knees as he laughed at you.

You gasped and your thighs clenched. Him calling you pathetic only made you wetter. You were really getting wet at him calling you pathetic? You wanted him, you were so horny.

"T-Tate..." You whined, clenching your thighs harder. You whined his name in a annoyed way.

He slowly walked over to the edge of the bed, and leaned over to where you were. He looked amused by it, but deep in his eyes, you saw lust. Desire. Horniness.

"Awww, are you getting turned on by me teasing you?" Tate whispered in your ear.

You'd never expected him to find out about your kinks, he'd always pried but you never opened up about it. Now, here he was, standing in front of you and whispering in your ear after he caught you masturbating. God, did it turn you on.

"Answer me." He demanded, his voice suddenly getting deeper and more commanding.

You were shocked. Tate never got demanding like that, and you never thought he would ever do that. It only made your clit throb.

"What do you want me to say, Tate?" You asked, acting like you weren't wet for him.

"To tell me the truth. Does me teasing you turn you on or not?" He asked, only getting more demanding.

"It does, okay?" You admitted. You never thought he'd come on to you like this. Ever.

"Do you fantasize about me a lot?" Tate questioned, his eyes never leaving yours.

"Yes, I do." You admitted, looking down at your feet in embarrassment. You were humiliated, ashamed. And somehow it still turned you on.

He played with your bottom lip with his thumb, running it over the soft skin of your lips. You wanted him to kiss you more than you cared to admit. Then, as if he were reading your thoughts, he did.

"This okay?" He asked, getting consent. You nodded to him, letting him do as he wished.

It was the most satisfied you'd ever been, his lips on yours. His fingers began to linger, touching your delicate skin. His hands settled on your hips, pulling you into the kiss. Into him. Your hands found purchase in his hair, tugging at it. He pushed you over, causing you to land on your back on the bed. His mouth started going lower, kissing your neck, biting and sucking to leave marks.

"Mine," He said under his breath, "All fucking mine."

You moaned softly at the feeling, whining his name. He smirked and kissed lower, down your chest, stomach, leaving hickies and finally reaching your panties. His fingers tugged them down, throwing them off to the side with the other clothes. He glanced up at you while he licked a stripe up your pussy.

"That tastes so fucking good," Tate mumbled, "You hear me? You taste really good."

You whimpered, his tongue feeling incredible against your heat. He inserted two fingers into your tight, wet hole, slowly moving them back and forth.

"Do you play with yourself a lot?" He asked, glancing up at you again, smiling when he saw your face twisted in pleasure.

"Mhm." You hummed, tugging at his blonde locks again.

He went back to sucking your clit and fingering your hole, until you finally came. He stood up from his spot kneeling on the floor and looked you right in the fucking eyes as he licked your cum from his fingers.

"I-I want it..." You begged.

"You want what? What do you want?" He asked teasingly, smirking at your desperation.

"I want you to fuck me, with your cock! Please..." You admitted, succumbing to his control.

"Beg me for mercy. Then maybe I'll do it." He said, beginning to take off his pants, boxers and shirt.

"Please, have mercy on me, fuck me!" You cried, pussy wet and legs spread.

He chuckled and slowly pushed into you, he wasn't lying when he said he had a big dick. You felt so full once he was fully inside of you, like he was splitting you in half. For him, it was snug, but not too tight to where he couldn't move.

"You can move now..." You assured him, and like a dog getting the command to sit, he did.

"Taking me so good. Like a slut." He spat, thrusting faster with each minute.

He continued to say degrades laced with praise, thrusting at a fast pace now. You felt so good, every time his hips slammed against yours, he hit your clit. His hand came up to wrap around your throat and squeeze softly, his forehead sweaty. He was grunting and mumbling under his breath as he thrusted inside you, a bulge visible. You could tell he was quickly becoming close, and so were you.

"Could I cum inside?" He asked, not wanting to push and was completely fine if you said no.

"Yeah, I'm on the pill," You responded panting, "I'm close too."

"Cum for me then." He demanded, rubbing your sore clit with his fingers.

You came with a cry of his name, and he followed shortly after. He had filled you to the brim. He pulled out and you both breathed heavily for a minute before he left. You watched as he exited the room, worried he wouldn't come back and you were just a quick fuck. Soon, your worries were put to rest as he came back with a glass of cold water, some snacks and a warm, damp hand towel. He kissed your cheek and put the water down on a coaster on your bed side table, and slid his fingers into you to clean his cum out. You winced, still sore.

"I'm sorry," He cooed, "It's just to clean you up, baby." He slid the warm towel over your body, then over your heat.

He had never been this nice before. It was almost unnatural to you to hear him apologize and not laugh, to kiss your cheek and clean you, just wow...It all surprised you. You had just had sex with the guy you'd had a crush on for months, who also teased you, and was always in your bedroom bothering you.

"You did so well, your so pretty," He praised, "Such a good girl."

He threw one of his shirts and some underwear at you, then put on his own underwear and some shorts. After you dressed and he lied down and turned the TV on, you got to thinking: What were you two now? I mean, you'd just fucked. Something lovers do. Were you lovers? Or friends with benefits? Was this a one time thing and you'd never fuck again?

"Tate, what are we now?" You turned to him and asked.

"Whatever you want us to be, I guess," He began, "If you want us to date, then we can date. Do you have a crush on me, or were you just horny and needed someone and I was the first one to come to mind?" He asked. He really hoped you liked him and wanted to date, because he liked you too. But, he was a ghost and could never leave the house.

"I want to date. I do have a crush on you, but I didn't think you'd feel the same way." You confessed.

He turned onto his side and propped himself up with his elbow. "Of course I like you back. I wouldn't have done this with you if I didn't!" He insisted, trying his very best to reassure you.

"So, we're dating, then? Boyfriend and girlfriend?" You asked.

He pulled you to his chest and kissed you suddenly, throwing you off guard.

"Yeah, we are." He smiled, playing with your hair.

"Love you, Tate." You whispered, hoping he'd hear.

"Love you too, baby."

[bteezxyewriter12]

Only You/ 5

Pairing- Yoongi x Named Reader

Word count- 4.8k

Includes- Angst

Tag List- @mingtina @jaxxmine @yeosayang @delightfulmoonbanana @tannie13 @y00nzin0 @marsstarxhwa

@borntowalkaway @soulseobi05 @kpop-bambi @seokwoosmole @meowmeowminnie @realisticnotes @effielumiere @jintheastronaut

Masterlists- check out for more fics

📝Series Masterlist 📝Masterlists

📝BTS Masterlist 📝Yoongi Masterlist

1 month later

J POV

I can't stop thinking of Yoongi

He's on my mind all the time and it's driving me crazy

I keep thinking of the sex we had and how much I want him again

Not just the rough crazy sex

But the slow sex too

I've never had sex like that before where I could feel his every move, his every touch, his every kiss

I miss his kisses

It felt like making love but it couldn't have been

I look at the pictures of him all the time

And yeah while I look at his naked body, I mostly focus on his gorgeous face

I've watched the video I took of him eating me out too but it's mostly the pictures

Before he left, he showed me how to hide the pictures in a hidden folder so no one could see them if I lose my phone or someone takes it

But I think about more than the sex too

I daydream about him too

About sitting in his studio with him while he works on music

About walking next to him and holding his hand or him putting his arm around me

Of me kissing him every time I see him

Of us doing anything together- watching TV or a movie, going out to eat, napping together, just being together

And I realized I have feelings for Yoongi

I don't think it's love, not yet but I'm one hundred percent sure it could be

I want him

I want to be with him

I want to call him stupid couple names, see him smile at me, make him laugh, be in his arms all the time

Make him happy

But he shows zero interest in me like that

He acts like that night didn't happen and just went right back to being my best friend

He hasn't been calling me or texting me much in the last month

He keeps saying he's really busy because of the new album

I mean I get it but he's been busy before for albums and he's still made time for me

The only time I see him is when I'm doing his make up and we can't talk about anything then

But the way he's been acting, I can't say anything to him anyway

I can't handle the rejection again

It's just too much especially after Hobi

And I'm terrified of ruining our friendship

He's the only one who helped me get past the break up with Hobi

He's been there for me my whole life

I literally can't live without him

I know I said that about Hobi too but with Yoongi it's true

It's been us two since we were little

He's the only person who's been there for me for everything

I won't risk our friendship

So I just push my feelings away and act as normal as possible, even if it kills me

---------------------------

"Done Kookie", I say when I finish his makeup, "Aww you look so pretty!"

He rolls his eyes, but smiles, "Yeah Jo, thanks"

"You're welcome", I smile back

He just laughs and gets up

Jungkook was my last member for today

I just have to hang around to touch the members makeup I did while they do the photo shoot

I grab the makeup belt and the small box kit I have, filling them with Jungkook, Namjoon and Jimin's makeup and brushes

"Uh Joanne?", I hear behind me

I turn around to see Hobi behind me

What does he want?

He's ignored me over the past six months, so why is he talking to me now?

"What?"

"Can I talk to you for a second?"

I sigh

I don't want to

I should tell him to fuck off

But I can't

He's my Hobi

My love

So I give in

"What do you want?"

"I want you back", he says softly

I blink

What?

He what?

Is he kidding?

Did I hear him right?

"Uh what?", I ask

He looks down, "Joanne I love you. I've missed you this entire time we've been apart. I want you back Jo. Please take me back"

I don't know what to feel

I know I'm angry though

After him doing who knows what all these months, now he wants me back?

"What happened? Your hair stylist didn't want you? You're done fucking around with other girls and now you want me back? It doesn't work that way Hoseok"

"I know Jo but I haven't been with anyone else. I was angry when you broke up with me and I held on to that for a long time. But I still couldn't bring myself to be with anyone else"

He was angry at me?

Is he for real?

"I broke up with you because you were blatantly flirting with other girls. In front of me!", I snap, "You told me to my face that you wished I wasn't your girlfriend. That you wished I was your hair stylist"

"I know-", he starts

"No you don't fucking know! You don't know how it feels to hear the person that you love more than anything in the world tell you they hate the way you are. That you wish I was someone else. That you have fun flirting with other girls, unlike me. Remember you said that?"

He nods, "I'm sorry Jo. I was angry and an idiot and I just said those things but I didn't mean them"

He didn't mean them?

He fucking crushed me with everything he said and he didn't mean them?

Is he fucking kidding me?

"You fucking killed me Hoseok. You ripped my heart out and you didn't even care. Why the fuck should I take you back? Give me a good reason why I should"

"I...I love you Jo. I do. And I'm so sorry. I promise I'll make everything up to you. I swear I won't flirt with anyone again. I won't even look at another girl. I swear. You're the only one I want. I'm sorry it took so long for me to come talk to you. I was angry at you and when I realized I was an idiot for feeling like that, I was too ashamed to talk to you. But I can't take not being with you anymore. Please aegi, give me another chance"

I don't know what to do

Everything just got so confusing

I have feelings for Yoongi

But this is Hobi

The love of my life

The one I still love

Right?

The one who hurt me the most

But Yoongi doesn't want me like that, he shows no interest

I can't just wait for him, hoping that one day he'll see me as more than his best friend

That may never happen

And Hobi is here asking me to take him back, telling me he loves me

I'm just confused but I need to answer Hobi

I think for a minute and decide to try again with him

"Fine Hobi. But this is your only chance. If you fuck up that's it. I'm never going to be with you again", I warn

He nods, "Ok"

"Ok", I agree

He comes to me, his lips on mine in a kiss

I kiss him back

But

The only thing in my head is how different it feels from Yoongi's kiss

And that Yoongi's is better

'Stop!', I scream at myself, pushing the thoughts of Yoongi out of my head

And when I do, I melt into Hobi

When he pulls away, he looks at me, smiling, "I love you"

"I love you too", I answer

He smiles and kisses me again

I have my Hobi back

So why do I still feel so confused?

🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱

Yoongi POV

'Just ask her', I tell myself

I'm trying to psyche myself up to ask Joanne to be mine

I can't stop thinking about her

I mean it was always like that but now it's worse

She's on my mind every second

I hate that I had to be away from her for this whole month

Namjoon dropped that we need to start putting the songs together for the new album and he wanted to have at least everything in the first draft by the end of this month

I was so fucking annoyed because that meant that I had to stay at my studio working

I did the intro for this album

I had to compose the music then write lyrics for that and other songs, then put everything together

And I love doing it but it meant I had to be away from her just when things were starting to look hopeful for us

It also means more photo shoots, music videos and performances starting from today

I'm not going to have any time to see her unless she's doing my makeup

It sucked being away from her and anytime we were together it was with the guys and I had to act normal like nothing happened between us

I was always needed for something that took me away from her

She knows how busy I was and she supported me as always but I don't know if she was expecting anything after that night

I hope she was and I was going to ask her out but everything got so busy

But I can't wait anymore

Today is the first day I've seen her in a week and when she walked in I knew I couldn't wait anymore

Jungkook just came in so she should be coming soon

He was the last one she had to do makeup for

I glance up when Hobi comes in

And my heart drops to my feet

He's holding her hand

Why?

I watch in horror as he kisses her cheek

No no no

Why?

"I love you", he says to her

NO!

Oh my god are they back together?

Did I lose her to him?

Again?

No this isn't happening

She smiles weakly at him, "I uh love you too"

I can't do this

I can't

She should be with me

I can make her so happy

Why did I wait so long?

Did she want me but I took too long?

Does she think I don't want her so she went back with Hobi?

Or does she not feel anything like that for me at all?

I'm such an idiot

I should of said something the next day but I had to be a fucking chicken

I feel my heart breaking and it hurts so much

Hobi kisses her lips and she kisses him back

I can't watch this

I can't

I'm going to scream, I'm going to lose it

He smiles at her, then comes toward us

"Are you two back together?", Jungkook asks surprised

"Yeah"

"But you said-", Jungkook starts

I forgot that Jungkook was there when I was yelling at Hobi for hurting her

"I know what I said and I was an asshole. I didn't mean any of it. I was angry and hurt she left me and I said stupid things. She's giving me another chance and I'm not going to fuck up this time", he answers

I can't fucking believe this

This is bullshit

And the worst part is that it's my fault for not saying anything sooner

It's my fault

---------------------------

During the break we get, I walk straight to her

I need to talk to her

I don't know what I'm going to say

But I need to know why she took him back

Why she doesn't want me

"Hey Jo", I say, forcing my voice to stay steady

"Oh hi Yoongi"

I go straight to the point

"You're with Hobi again?"

"Oh uh yeah"

"Why?"

She blinks, "What?"

"Why did you go back to him? You said he hurt you a lot and you were miserable for awhile.", I press

I need to know

Why can't she love me?

What's wrong with me?

Why doesn't she want me?

"I....I know", she answers, "He uh apologized and promised he'd never flirt with anyone again. He asked for another chance. And I didn't have a reason to not give him one"

What does that mean?

That doesn't sound like someone who wants to be with the other person

"Do you still love him?"

"I uh yea", she answers

That doesn't sound convincing

"I just want to give him another chance. Maybe it can be the way it used to be with him"

Is that what she wants?

This is killing me

But it's worse than before because we were together

And not just sex

She kissed me, she held me, she wanted me to stay with her

She called me baby, naekkeo and her Yoongi and let me call her jagi

Was I an idiot in thinking that meant anything?

But I felt it all night and day

It felt like she had the same feelings for me that I have for her

I felt it in the way she touched my face, the way she looked at me, the way she ran her fingers in my hair, the way she snuggled close to me, the way she held my hand

The way she kissed my arms, held my hand against her, the whole way she was with me the last time we were together

When we went slow

We fell asleep after that and I slept the whole night in her arms

She held on tightly to me all night

And she didn't want me to leave the next morning but I had to work on the songs

Was I imagining things?

No I wasn't

But does it really matter now?

She's with Hobi now so nothing I felt, nothing she felt matters anymore

And I can't tell her how I feel now

I'm not an asshole

I would never break anyone up

And like I always said, her happiness means so much more than my feelings

If she wants Hobi, I'm not going to stand in the way

I just wish it didn't hurt as much as it does right now

Like my heart is being ripped from my chest

"Well, I'm just making sure that's what you want. You're my best friend and I want you to be happy"

It's killing me to call her my best friend

I love her so much it hurts

But she doesn't love me

"Uh yeah Yoongi. It's what I want"

I nod

"I uh, I gotta go. Bathroom", I say and walk away from her

Once I get to the bathroom, I lock the door and I just break down

🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱

J POV

I watch Yoongi walk away and I have the overwhelming urge to run to him

To hug him and kiss him and tell him I want him

But even now he acted like he didn't care

He called me his best friend and it hurt so much more than I thought it would

I know I didn't sound sure when I answered his questions about wanting to be with Hobi

Because Yoongi makes me question my decision

If he said anything right now, I know I'd break up with Hobi and be with him

My feelings are stronger than I thought

And why am I questioning my feelings for Hobi?

I love him

I know the difference between love and the feelings I have for Yoongi

I know I don't love Yoongi....right?

No, I don't

It hasn't moved to that yet

But he doesn't want me

He didn't say anything during this month

He could of texted me, said anything anyway he wanted to

But he didn't

He just wanted sex, I guess

It's just the way he was with me, the things he said

The way he kissed me, touched me, held me tightly to him, during sex and all during the night

I've never slept so well as I did in his arms

I always toss and turn all night, waking up dozens of time

But with him, I slept through the whole night in his arms

I've never felt so safe as I did with him

I never felt so.....wanted....

And I thought he felt the same way I did

I guess not

I have to get over this

Yoongi doesn't see me like that but Hobi does

And Hobi's been my everything for so long

I told him I'd give him another chance and I need to focus on that

I can't be thinking about Yoongi anymore

I have to push it away if it's going to work with Hobi

Even though I'm not sure if I want it to work with Hobi

I just don't know

---------------------------

After the photo shoot, Hobi comes over to me, pulling me to him in a hug

I hug him but for some reason I feel uncomfortable

Especially with Yoongi watching

Hobi kisses my forehead, then asks, "Do you wanna do something aegi?"

When he calls me aegi, I just think of Yoongi calling me jagi

And I fucking want it so much

'Stop it'

"Yeah ok. You can come over", I tell him

There's no way I'm going to the dorm

I can't be around both of them

"Yeah baby. I'm gonna change and we can go ok?"

I just nod

He walks away from the set to change

I feel eyes on me and when I look I find Yoongi, staring at me

He averts his eyes when I look at him

He looks sad and upset

I'm just about to go over to him to ask what's wrong when he turns from me and walks away

It hurts but there's nothing I can do about it

"Ready aegi?", Hobi asks coming back to me

I nod

I guess

He takes my hand and leads me out of the building to my car

---------------------------

I hate how uncomfortable I am

Hobi and I are watching tv in my apartment

We got food and ate then decided to watch something

But I can't get comfortable

His arm is around me and I'm leaning against him but my body won't relax

I'm just tense

It feels like when we first got together and we didn't know how to act around each other

Except this time it's only me

He's comfortable

To him we're back together, picking up where we left off

But not me

I don't know if I should tell him about Yoongi

I mean it shouldn't matter, we weren't together and it's not his business

And he'd probably get angry

No I'm not going to tell him about Yoongi

"You ok aegi?", Hobi asks

Shit, did he notice something

"Yeah. I'm just really tired. I didn't sleep much last night", I lie

Well it isn't so much of a lie

I spent last night the same way I spent every night the last month

Wanting Yoongi

Debating whether I should tell him my feelings for him

Deciding not to do that

Then question that decision and it starts all over again

It drove me crazy

But I guess I won't have those thoughts anymore?

I don't know

"You wanna go lay down?"

I don't know if that's a good idea

But it's not weird for him to ask that

We used to lay down all the time

'Stop. Be normal', I yell at myself

"Yeah ok"

He shuts the TV off, "Come on baby"

He takes my hand and we go to my room

I change into my PJs and he asks if I still have his clothes here

Which I do

I never threw them out or moved them

"Yeah Hobi. They're where they always are"

He nods, gets a shirt and pants, changing

We get into bed and he pulls me to him, holding me in his arms

And it just reminds me of when Yoongi was here, holding me all night

And how different it is to be in Hobi's arms from Yoongi's

And it's horrible, but I want Yoongi

I want him here, holding me against him, giving me soft kisses, playing with my hair

I need to stop

Yoongi doesn't want me like that

Hobi starts playing with my hair and I just focus on that and close my eyes, hoping I fall asleep quickly

🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱

Yoongi POV

I'm fucking dying

Every fucking day

When I see her, my heart breaks

When I see her and him, I die a little more inside and I get extremely jealous

When he's not at the dorm, I know he's with her and I'm angry and unbelievably sad

When I'm alone, all I think about is her

All I want is to be in her arms, feeling her against me, feeling her soft touches, the way she ran her hands up and down my back

The way all she wanted was for me to kiss her

I don't look at the naked pictures or the video anymore

I look at the other pictures I have of her, the normal ones where she's making faces at me or smiling or a selfie of us

The ones we took through our years as best friends

And I fucking miss her

Those pictures make me miss her so much

Not just because I love her but because she's my best friend

I haven't texted her as much since she got back with Hobi weeks ago

And she hasn't texted me

I miss talking to her, joking around with her, making her laugh

She still does my makeup but it's like we're strangers trying to find something to talk about

So instead I just look at her beautiful face, imagining kissing her again

We have practice and Hobi said she's coming

That means another day where I have to watch them together

I'm already ready for this day to be over

---------------------------

"Come on aegi", I hear Hobi call her

They haven't even gotten in the room yet and I'm already pissed off

They weren't here when we got here

They're late

And all I remember is when I was late to practice and the reason why

To just think that it's the same reason why they're late now...I can't

I have to stop thinking about it

Hobi comes in first with her following, his hand gripping hers

My eyes land on her like they always do and like always she takes my breath away

I know she likes wearing eye makeup and she's beautiful when she does wear it, but naturally she's fucking gorgeous too

And now she looks tired, she's yawning, her hair is in a messy bun thing, no make up and she has on sweatpants, a t-shirt and her favorite nikes and she's never looked more stunning

This is her, the real her, the way she always is when she's relaxed and comfortable

She's drop dead gorgeous and she has no fucking idea

"You're late", Namjoon says flatly

"Yeah, someone didn't want to wake up", Hobi answers

She sticks her tongue out at him

"C'mon Jo, you didn't. It took me an hour to get you up and another half hour to get you to change"

"I'm tired. And cranky"

"Yeah aegi, I know", he says, pulling her to him and kissing the top of her head

I avert my eyes

But I do wonder, if she was that tired then why didn't he just let her sleep?

She could of came to another practice

He didn't need to drag her here

"We need to start", Jimin reminds him

"Yeah ok"

He leads her to the chairs and she plops down

God she's fucking adorable

He kisses her cheek and she whines

"C'mon sleepy baby. It's ok"

She pouts and he laughs while I can't get over how cute she is

"So cranky", he smiles

She gives him a tired smile, then he comes back to us

"Are you ready?", Tae asks pointedly

"Yes", he snaps

I get into my place for "On"

The music starts and I start the choreography

I'm so not into it, but I force myself to dance

We have to do the dance video within a month and this is only the second time we're practicing after we learned the choreography

My eyes keep going to her

And every time, I'm surprised to see her watching me, biting her lip

God I love that habit

I miss seeing it

But whenever our eyes meet, she averts her, looking right at Hobi

And it hurts a lot more than I thought it would

Practice goes on and I try my hardest not to look at her

I don't want to be hurt every time she looks away

After awhile I can't help it and glance at her

She's falling asleep, her eyes fluttering as she sways

I'm afraid she's going to fall off the chair

She really shouldn't be here

She should be asleep in her bed

He should of left her alone

But seeing her fall asleep reminds me of when I was late to practice

What happened before that

When she asked me to stay

"Can you stay until you have to go? I want you to stay with me"

That was the best thing I ever heard since the night before when she asked me to stay the night

She kissed me then cuddled right into me, falling asleep

I remember being so fucking happy before I fell asleep

And now I'm not

I'm miserable without her

---------------------------

I walk over to her when we get a break

Hobi went to get food for her

"Hey Jo", I say, sitting next to her

She looks at me and smiles tiredly, my breath catching in my throat

"Hi Yoongi"

"You're really tired huh?"

She nods, "I uh couldn't sleep last night. Tossing and turning. Probably because I took a five hour nap in the middle of the day"

I chuckle, "Yeah that'll do it"

"Yeah"

I can't help but wonder if it was me next to her, my arms around her, would she still be tossing and turning even with a five hour nap?

Or would she be fine, fast asleep?

It hurts to think about so I push it out of my head

Silence falls between us and I hate it

I hate how we've become

"So uh how's things with Hobi?"

I don't want to know, but I think it's something I would of asked before we were together

"Oh uh it's ok. I'm still getting used to it. To him being back"

"Oh?"

She hasn't gotten used to him again?

Why not?

It's been a few weeks

"Yeah uh, I got used to being alone, doing what I wanted without having to talk to someone else. And honestly I don't completely trust him yet"

Oh

Well I'm glad she doesn't trust him

Well blindly trust him

And I'm not just saying that because I love her

Her hurt her a lot, he needs to make it up to her and work for her trust

And I can't help but think that she trusts me

She would never have a reason to not trust me

I would never give her a reason not to

Because I wouldn't be that stupid

"Well I guess it'll take time"

"Yea", she agrees

She's silent for a second

Then she says, "I miss you Yoongi"

My head snaps to her

I hope she's being serious

"I miss you too Jo"

"I....I don't like how it is between us. Like we don't know each other. I miss my best friend"

My heart deflates a little but I understand

I miss my best friend too

"I know. I miss hanging out with you, talking to you"

"Is...is it because of Hobi? That it's like this?"

Yes

One hundred percent

But I can't say that

"I don't know. Maybe. I know he hurt you and it bothers me that he did"

"Thanks Yoongi, but I can handle it. I just want you back"

"I never left you Jo. I'm still here. Whenever you need me, I'll always be here for you"

I love her so much, I'll always stay by her side no matter what

"I hope you know I'll always be here for you Yoongi"

I nod

I know

She's proved that a hundred times over

Since we were kids

I don't know where I'd be without her

And I never want to find out

"Aegi!", Hobi calls, coming into the room, to us, "I got food"

My body stiffens hearing him call her

"Ok Hobi. Thanks"

He sits in the chair next to her and hands her a container

This is my cue to leave

I don't want to see him all over her

"I'm gonna go get something to eat. I'll see you later", I wave and walk away

"Bye Yoongi", I hear her say quietly

Hearing her makes me want to turn around and run to her, tell her I love her, get her back

Instead I deal with the pangs in my chest and force myself to leave the room

[cryptidsurveys]

Friday, August 16th, 2024.

Have you had more hot or cold drinks today? I've had something like 20% hot and 80% cold.

What's a name you like that's similar to yours? I don't have any special fondness for names similar to mine.

Where did you get the last plate/bowl you ate with from? It's a giant red mug decorated with gingerbread houses. I bought it at Walmart last year during the holiday season.

How's your mental health today? It's decent. I'm a lot better at bouncing back from stress/overwhelm than I once was. Things that used to crush me are now basically resolved within 24 hrs.

What bands and artists did you listen to when you were a teenager? I listened to a lot of alternative rock/metal on the radio; I don't think I could list out all of the bands I liked because it was more like a song here, a song there, etc. But some regulars (meaning I had their CDs or made mixtapes of their music) were Evanescence, Three Days Grace, Green Day, My Chemical Romance, Creed, Sarah McLachlan, Linkin Park, and J-rock artists/bands like Malice Mizer, Gackt, Gazette, etc.

Do your feelings get hurt easily? They can. I still struggle with my sense of self-worth and the belief that maybe I deserve to be treated badly, like it's my karma or something, but I'm actually starting to get annoyed when people are needlessly rude to me. I know - pick your battles - but maybe I'll finally start sticking up for myself instead of constantly taking it...?

What sort of restaurant did you last eat at? I went to lunch with my parents at Black Eyed Pea a little over a week ago.

Do you have a friend who's always sending you TikTok videos? Do you actually watch them? Oliver often sends me funny little videos, and yes, I do actually watch (and appreciate) them. We have a very similar sense of humor.

Have you ever seen a cougar in the wild? I haven't.

Will you attend a wedding in the next 3 months? No.

Are you good at following instructions? Yeah, for the most part, unless they're ridiculously complicated or dealing with something I know very little about (like car mechanics, for instance).

What's your backyard or outdoor area like? The backyard is fairly large and rather overgrown.

Do you like your boss? Or your last boss if you don't currently have one? Even though I'm just a volunteer, I consider Leslie and Iris my "bosses." I do like them.

When was the last time you took a selfie? Wednesday. It was of me with the new kitten.

What did you have for breakfast yesterday? Oatmeal.

What do you do to entertain yourself on a long flight or journey? I haven't been on a long flight or road trip in years, but I would probably entertain myself with audiobooks, podcasts, music, daydreaming, random snapshots of the scenery, chats with my dad (if he happened to be along with me)…

Where are you right now? I'm at home, in my bedroom.

Have you ever done a hearing test? Yeah.

Do you hate small talk? It can feel a bit awkward. I try my best, but I just don't know what to say.

What's the hottest temperature your current town/city has ever had? 109*F.

What programs/applications do you currently have open on the device you're using right now? Microsoft Edge and Krita (art program).

How many steps per day do you do, generally? I'm not sure. If I'm at the animal shelter, then probably a whole bunch because I'm almost always on my feet. However, when I wore a step counter back when I worked at the pet shop, the total was often underwhelming. Not nearly as much as I would have guessed - again, especially considering I was moving around all day long.

Have you had any snacks today? Yeah. I typically have 3 meals and at least 2 snacks, plus random bits of whatever.

What's the next thing you'll tick off your to-do list? Probably pick out my clothes for tomorrow. I hate rummaging around trying to find things in the morning.

Have you ever had a chia pet? No.

What's your favourite sandwich filling? Lol, probably cheese. I eat primarily cheese-based sandwiches these days.

Do you have any nieces or nephews? I don't.

What was the last reason you saw a doctor? For a check-up.

Do you use light mode or dark mode on your phone? I guess light mode…?

[icedmetaltea]

thoughts

The med increases didn't help my depression at allll whoooooooooo

All it does it make me feel drunk enough to fall asleep, sleep for 9+ hrs and wake up at noon. Just to stay in bed the rest of the day.

Idk what to do bc I'm too scared to try any other antidepressants cause they seemed to give me wayyy too bad of a anxiety reaction. I feel like I made an error in judgement by making my therapy appointments every other week cause now things are falling again, showering is becoming harder and it's becoming too much effort to cook for and clothe myself.

The worst part is idk if this is situational due to the climate change shit or all the fucked up stuff going on in Palestine. And just... everything else. Everything little thing adding up.

I've been trying to hard to improve, and I thought I was, I really did. I feel like such a fucking failure. I know even if things improve over the winter I'll still have spring and summer and all the anxiety that comes with it due to the heat. I cannot survive another summer of countless panic attacks and staying in all day bc I can't handle the heat outside and the falls and winters disappearing due to the ever-increasing heat and my parents still denying climate change even exists even when it's 80+ degrees in fucking november.

The self-harm urges are coming back and idk where my rubber band is. It's much better that than the box cutter I used to use (and even that was tame, it never cut deep)

And with each and every vent post I make (which I can't stop, it just flows out of me like a waterfall) I feel more and more like an annoyance. Even when I'm posting things I'm proud of, I feel like an annoyance. I care so much about what people think, far too much, and I try to bring it up in therapy but I'm still way to embarrassed to talk about it, it seems like such a selfish thing to fixate on.

Yesterday I saw pictures of the kittens and I have no idea how they're doing today since my sibling who they're staying with (permanently, I'll never fucking see them again) doesn't use social media. I'll never watch them grow up. I saw them as my children and my sibling took them away and treated my sense of loss as selfish bc I should've known they'd always belong to them.

I've been lying in bed all day. I ate but that's it. I can't get the motivation to put on clothes or go outside or do anything really. All I've been doing is listening to music and feeling sorry for myself like a complete failure. Who am I kidding, even if I get back in college, I'll just fail again, like I always do.

I can't live independently, not after what I went through over the summer... I could never manage all that shit by myself.

And ofc I start thinking about death. My death or my parents', whichever comes first. And... I just feel cold. Not in a good way, not in a comforting way, just a lonely, empty way. And this feeling comes and goes, but right now it's wound around my chest and wringing the life out of me.

And I start thinking about the friend I had. I'll never know somebody that cares about like that ever again. if they even did. If he wasn't lying about it all. I'll never know anybody like that ever again. Never. The kind of friendship I used to daydream about growing up, the kind I waited till adulthood for, gone. I know it's been months but it fucking hurts so fucking much

[catgirlhell]

🎶✨ when u get this u have to put 5 songs u actually listen to. then send this ask or tag 10 of your favourite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool)✨🎶

i'll kill you for cursing me @unclekow

the best way to describe what im listening to at any given moment is that im either playing the soundtrack to an anime that only exists in my head or attempting to block out all psychic attacks inflicted upon me from the world with the power of jazz and 90's/00's japanese alt rock and hip hop.

Get Down to Business, aka the Order Sol Theme by Daisuke Ishiwatari

It's the Sol Badguy music. It's the ultimate cool old guy who sucks music. I have a cool old guy who sucks that I've been thinking about. It's important for my delusions.

Lay Back by Lotus Juice

I am a *very* big fan of acoustic hip-hop, and I also really like japanese rap. I haven't actually listened to Lotus Juice that much (my teenage years were still defined squarely by Nujabes and his contemporaries!) but I've found this introduction to his work to be interesting! I'm looking forward to listening to more of it.

P.H.D. - Portable Headphone Dancefloor by 2mello

You, a buffoon, might say its cheating to list a whole album. I, a genius, would claim that its sacrilege to not treat a house mix as one whole song. If I were to take a single pick from it, dreamin on its own is probably my favorite track out of it all, so much so that I have spliced it out and extended it for my own listening. I've been a fan of 2mello for awhile now and I can safely say that every album he makes is my favorite of his until he makes the next.

Ka Bohaleng / On the Sharp Side by Abel Selaocoe

I don't talk about it much, but I was actually raised in a family that practiced and professionally performed Traditional West African Drum and Dance. As a result, I've always been partial to traditional/ethnic music worldwide, especially African music, and Abel Selaocoe is like the holy grail of such. His work can be described as "classically trained baroque that is distinctly African in nature," and I regularly stream his live performances and studio album. If there is anything in this list I would beg you hear, it is this song, and to a further extent, his performance at Cologne Jazzweek.

Akaneiro ga Moeru Toki/茜色が燃えるとき by Scoobie Do

This thing snuck up on me towards the start of the summer and blew my tits clean off. I'm a person very much trapped in the pre-2010's, especially the late 90's-late aughts. As I get older, I lean less and less towards new media and instead indulge in rediscovering older stuff. I have never watched a Gungrave. I have never played a Gungrave. But I have managed to get my hands on the majority of Scoobie Do's discography and play it regularly. The band is still active, but like all things, I am obsessed with their mini-album Kaze no Koibito, which has this song on it. Please listen to this song and please listen to Scoobie Do. The band is called Scoobie Do man, just do it.

HONORABLE MENTION:

Sleepy Head by the pillows

Earlier this spring, I finally watched Fooly Cooly for the first time ever, after maybe 6 years of people twice my age asking why I had never seen it when it seemed to be so completely grafted to my tastes. Well I did, and then I immediately drew my catgirl holding a guitar because of it. I'm not normal after that show. "Why did they keep asking you why you'd never seen it" I hear you asking. *ahem*

Because I've been listening to its soundtrack and the rest of the pillows discography since I was like. Twelve.

Don't ask me how I found it because I do not know. But between Ride on Shooting Star and this, I've returned to the FLCL soundtrack maybe once every 2 months for about a decade. This isn't propaganda to watch the anime, but it is propaganda to listen to the soundtrack.

@teffiniwynn, @kdinjenzen, @puyopuyo, @shukitanuki, @qwk, @lamphoera, @yuleloggu, @alien-tidays, @girlballs, @ockitten

im gonna go daydream about cringe shit goodnight

[feuqueerfire]

My School President Live Blogging

Wow, am I finally getting to this show? The last episode comes out in a week so this is perfect timing for me technically. I'm still pretty caught up on Beyond Evil and Lee Dongshik/Han Joo Won but I believe the show can hold my attention still.

I've seen so many gifsets of this and clips and GeminiFourth tweets/tiktoks as well and it's all been soooo adorable, so I'm expecting to really like this.

Episode 1 (Feb 18)

1-1

damn not me having to see that random girl get harassed within the first 5 minutes

pls then just hitting each other on the head cuties

pls Gun so funny and annoying along with his friends

girl they nearly burnt down the school 4 times?! jk 3 times

agh Tinn ordering food for the music club and now I’m craving fried chicken so bad

Tinn always declaring something and looking off into the distance and his friends looking with him or wondering what he’s looking at

1-2

so cute Gun’s mom to the rescue and Gun being like “that’s my mom”

plss Gun speaking cutely with Tinn to get him to extend the deadline

1-3

The last name change during the prayer really was so early on ah Tinn

1-4

Why are they being so rude at the beginning when Chinzilla are playing smhhh

noo Tinn giving the garland to the other team

oh how did Chinzilla win then?

pls I saw this clip of Gun being like "Smile, Mr. School President. Good boy"

oh dumbass Tinn not giving Chinzilla his own garland but working triple the amount to make sure everybody else votes for them ah you fool

I haven't watched any BL since the start of this month and haven't watched any Thai BL this year except NLMG once a week, so it took a bit to get into the right mindset for this comedic high school BL after watching and being obsessed with Beyond Evil. This was really fun though, glad to see Fourth and Gemini's faces, as well as Chinzilla friend group

Ep 2 (Feb 19)

2-1

plssss Tinn's voice when speaking to Gun vs his squeaky voice when speaking to his mom

pls Tinn obsessed as fuck with Gun

I usually don't like the same scenes repeated with a different perspective but this is fun because Tinn's so ridiculous

as cute lil grade 10 Tinn with his glasses and Nobita-lite outfit

my god nerdass Tinn with the Love and Gentleness and Peace in his crossword (it's scrabble?) game

(Linguistics) Tinn referred to Gun as nai in this scene - what do they use now? I would think gu/meung

pls Tiw with the teasing Tinn and also poking fun at the dynamic "time to tell him that the cruel school president has a crush on you, baby boy" lmfao

2-2

noooo poor Tinn's confession ruined by the instruments being taken away and his rose getting stepped on

plsss Gun coming to beg Tinn similar to Tinn's dream

So silly, I love the "act as my servant/errand boy" trope

pls rascal Gun when giving the shaved ice to Tinn is so cute, I'm in love with Fourth's face

Tiw with the imaginary umbrella ah I love friendship

2-3

Tinn fr giving away his dad's guitar to silly kids for the time being

"not even a 4 year old would fall for that" and indeed Gun and friends fall for that

(Linguistics) Also fun that Tinn's pretending to be a nong and calling the music club members Phi as the lion

2-4

Tinn has become aware of the Hot Wave contest rule

plsss Tinn singing City to Gun to rescue him as Gun had done years ago and made him feel happy

the lyrics were translated when they were singing City and i can totally see why that song was chosen for Vice Versa and PuenTalay, sucks that it didn’t make much of an impression in me on the actual show as it did in the VV OG mock trailer

Gun grabbing Tinn's chin ah

Ep 3 (Feb 19)

3-1

pls Tinn lacking braincells momentarily while being like "no I'm not watching" and Gun and co. also not having even 1 braincell to pass around because they all fall for it. ah these kids

(Fave) plsss I've seen this tutoring scene so many times cuz I've replayed it to death. Tinn daydreaming about the love equation when tutoring Gun vs yelling at him by momentarily forgetting that's his boy bc Gun can't do 7th-grade math. Tinn threatening with the "I'm gonna smack you" lmfao

ohhh that's how they end up sleeping in the same bed or whatever. because of this safe house

"Don't you want to spend nights with me, Tinn?" lmfaooo and Tinn's face afterward so funny

Bye! as Gun disappears

plssssssss Tinn's father being like yo yeah let him go so that we can finally fuck <333 do you want a bro or a sis or a baseball team <3 dead ew

3-2

Tinn dying as he watches Gun do the homework

Tinn whining like I just wanna be his boyfrienddd

Gun seems fond as he's listening to Tinn go on about what'll be the consequences of Gun not sleeping on the bed lol he says that Tinn's annoying but it's a liee

Bad Buddy flashbacks with the way they're lying with Gun on the bed and Tinn on the floor

pls Tinn misinterpreting what being partners means

ahh Tinn's heartbeat and inability to dance when it's with Gun

a clear Bad Buddy reference and Mark Pakin lmfao along with the Bad Buddy intro music my beloved

3-3

pls daydreams with the printer ink refill ad

Tinn daydreaming of Gun teaching him to chop veggies and calling him cutie pie so cute only for Gun to make him move away and call him a Khun Nu spoiled prince

(Linguistics) It's fun how they keep referring to Gun as Phi and Tinn as Nong like first with Nong Lion and now when Gun's calling himself Phi cuz he's talented and better at cooking

yaas one of Tinn's daydreams coming true, though the other way around, with Gun cleaning the rice off his face but i doubt Tinn cares which way around his fantasies happen

wtf this chinzilla chant killed me

Tinn's soul leaving his body over Gun hugging him

3-4

beautiful Fourth

plsss Gun: have you ever used that line to hit on anyone? Tinn: You. uhhh wanna rehearse? you wanna do the dance rehearsal right now? because Tinn panicked but did Gun seem a bit disappointed that the answer wasn't actually Meung? did he hmm

honestly congrats to Tinn for managing to dance instead of bursting into flames considering he's also holding Gun's bare waist

Tinn brave as hell to lie there and ask Gun to make extended eye contact with him considering he can't even interact normally with the guy

ahhhh Gun being the one who lets go of the staring and turns around and curls up in bed with an excuse, my guy is feeling feelingsssss

(Fave) ahh Tinn's speedy stuttering heartbeat and him trying to convince himself to do well because Gun won't get to go to Hot Wave otherwise but then Gun telling him to close his eyes and him having the best, cutest, most beautiful daydream of ever ah Though I do wish they wouldn't do so many flashbacks like both here and with the staring moment, we got to see a lot of the past 3 ep moments again lmao

(Fave) ahhhhh the heartbeat thing coming back but this time for Gun!! Gun's racing heart after the eye contact with Tinn and the pencil case ahhhh it's so fucking good

also beautiful beautiful Fourth and his expression and Gun's blinking ah so good cute beautiful makes me so giddy

I'm gonna chew on glass, such a good episode. I'm so fond of all the characters and am so smiley and giddy while watching. We're getting Gun's POV again next ep I think

Fave Scenes:

Tinn's tutoring daydream vs reality

Tinn's daydream of the dance with the tuxedos and live music

Gun's racing heartbeat as we realize he's starting to catch feelings as well and his expression!!

Ep 4 (Feb 20)

4-1 and 4-2

i was eating so not many comments

at least Gun's friends were loyal to him but also Sound's not wrong. They probably could've come up with a solution that doesn't involve Gun quitting but yknow teenagers, so it makes sense and I'm assuming he'll be back in the band by the end of the ep

The humour for this show really works for me like Sound being like oh you want me to not join? I'll join or sure! and Sound making Win come around with the "P'win nalak" comment reading and our lovely cute Gun, esp at the Booth Checking

4-3

(Linguistics) Tinn calling Gun Khun Nu as the customer/waiter ah

I should also become thick-skinned

aw Tinn and Gun heart-to-heart cuteness

4-4

pls Sound trying so hard not to smile

the cute Chinzilla hat blankets ah

Sound learning to become softer through the power of Friendship

Gun getting some food for Tinnn and then we ofc get the Bad Buddy like makeup remover ad

The pinky hold! I don't quite like the editing of that scene but it's so cute T.T Tinn's shaking hand ah

Ep 5 (Feb 20)

5-1

I think this is the first ep where I started slightly avoiding spoilers, so idk much about this conflict about future plans

I did see this jealous little Gun in clips heh

damn Gun really going for the "Does the school president take care of all his friends this good?"

D: where is this show going? Why are we dealing with Gun having to skip school to look after their restaurant and them being behind on bills oh no and Gun considering giving up Hot Wave to study

5-2

Tinn getting Gun out of bed sooo cute

5-3

cute Tinn in his glasses + I really like Gemini's smile

bro Gun's father and his reason for wanting to do music why is this ep sad

loll Tinn managing to ask if Gun has found someone he wants to date after the contest but Gun escaping

pls Sound doing nothing and Win getting freaking worked up is so funny

aw Gun didn't get the job

do i feel like watching this rap battle... no. I'm watching just the talking bits

5-4

:< Gun sobbing while hugging Tinn

I want Gun's sweater

ah they all found their way back to the music club

does Gun know that the one in the music club that Tinn likes is himself... does he know?

D: This show was supposed to be pure joy and shenanigans but now there are sad touching parts :< with the parents and financial situations and future endeavous

I knew there were sad parts apaprently that made people cry but so early? I esp can't deal with uncertainties of the future and jobs and such

Ep 6 (Feb 21)

6-1

"Who in my club do you like? ... I can be your matchmaker" oh Gun

plsss last ep Gun had Tinn as Ai'Mr. Student President or something and Tinn has Gun has Chinzilla Baby

Tinn dying over wanting to tell Gun he likes him but then agonizing over his daydream gone wrong vs Gun wanting to hear Tinn say he likes him but being too nervous and having the most frantic call ahh

Gun's so funny "Friends are friends, what kind of friend wants to be a lover? >:(" and then smiling :D while listening to the lyrics and thinking of Tinn

oioioi keeping eye contact

also I love Fourth's smile that's like kinda frowny sometimes. upside down smile

lmfaooo does Tiw actually think Sound's tryna steal Gun or is he just tryna motivate Tinn

lmfao Tiw shipping king with TinnGun and SoundWin

6-2

pls going from SoundWin angry at each other to Tinn softly asking Gun the question

pls Tinn's best memory is Gun singing on his birthday when his parents weren't there

aw Gun :<

6-3

girl pls SoundWin is so funny what's going on

Satang so beautiful though and also Soung touching his lips and looking over at Win leaving ah he was so confident when in front of Win and everybody but mans is falling

oioioi poor 'friends'

lmfaooo dramatic Tinn

6-4

Gun making everything cuter and lovey dovey in the MV and Tinn going through it fr

oh noo Tinn getting upset and "friends don't do this" :<

Friendzone line cross and cheek kiss sooo cute

oh just being friendly MV

Ep 7 (Feb 22)

7-1

Tinn suddenly so confident in his flirting

Gun so silly getting jealous over this 1 far-away interaction

7-2

girl wtf Yo why are you a child on Tinder? and why are you catfishing with Tinn's face? They were clearly hinting at him being into somebody with his questions about the dating ban rule but I wasn't expecting this lol

pls Tinn being so dreamy about their first date

7-3

girl why tf are we even going through with this pretend date T.T Yo can't even date her after he confesses his lies even if she does like him back

pls Gun being so violent toward Yo is killing me

pls Jealous Sound?

what the fuck is this SoundWin pee situation this is killing me so bad what's going onnnnn why

yaas lesbians <333

aw TinnGun first date cuties

dumbass Yo fr

lmfao I'm dead leave Nook aloneeeee, she has him blocked

I think it's fun that Gun bought Tinn that QR code from their first date hangout and uploaded photos of Tinn on there; so his reciprocity and interest

This episode was so ridiculous like the SoundWin tied up and pee scene?! Yo's whole entire catfishing storyline?! and all the ridiculous things like the aquarium date + yard dance to help Yo?!

Ep 8 (Feb 22)

8-1

oh it's already Hotwave day? are we gonna flashback? or it's just the next round but not the final round right

plsssss Gun has Tinn so wrapped around his finger

no actually Tinn's horny little daydreams and expressions are killing me so bad ah cuteee

also Tinn saying he hasn't started studying for the exam whatever next month is a bit hmmm

ahhh Gun drinking all that sake

8-2

pls not Tiw witnessing a hand kiss between Sound and Gun

pls this Indian serial style editing of Tinn becoming aware of Sound and Gun killing me so bad

TinnGun cute swimming and cute convo :< and soooo cute when Tinn's jealous and Gun finds it endearing

7-3

ahh Win caring about Sound okay okay

"trying to bug me?" "yeah I am" that's really cute

(Linguistics) I loveee the way they say "really?" like "lohhh?" like I've noticed it each time and love the little whiny or indulgent way it's said

okie cheering on Gun for his competition and Tinn for his meeting with the doctor - each person doing what's best for their own future but supporting the other as well

8-4

noo Tinn why are you running to see them perform after you've already let Gun know that you won't be here T.T go introduce yourself to the doctor (or maybe he'll realize he really doesn't wanna be a doctor. then that's okay ig)

lol I think I'm just Going Through It in terms of school and career and internships but Tinn passing up that networking opportunity that other people don't even get is killing me so bad like why did you doooo that. though at least it's not like he actually missed an interview or something.

though I'm also still happy that TinnGun get to have a cute moment. cute teary Gun T.T

forehead kiss cute

Actually the fact that Hotwave is like so many rounds is killing me so bad bc the more rounds you pass, the more you anticipate actually winning. These fucking internship interviews with like OA -> phone interview -> 2 hour-long interviews is really fucking me up because the further you get into the chain, the more you hope you did well and will get the job but that doesn't mean shit :> you could still be 1 of 10 or 20 in that last step and you could just be not chosen

Ep 9 (Feb 23)

9-1

died when Tinn's mom started naming girls that Tinn might like

TinnGun soooo freaking cute my beloveds

I love Prom's face and also Ford's character's outfits

Yak has graduated bruh why is he haunting these kids

9-2

(Fave) pls this Gun and Sound convo killed me so bad

and then Gun escaping when Sound asks if he should confess to Win

(Fave) sooooo cute when Gun's tickling under Tinn's chin and promising to announce their relationship if they win the next step

9-3

SoundWin have also gotten so cute >.< Sound being like do you feel anything after reading that? And getting prissy when Win says it doesn't suit Sound at all

Sorry but Tinn's flinchy face when Gun's threatening to flick his forehead got to me so bad and then the end of the scene when he turns his face as Gun flicks him

i love whiny lil Tinn

oh yeah I'm worried something's very wrong with Gun's mom's health pls

9-4

Tinn and Gun's moms knowing each other is gonna be trouble maybe

oh Win teasing Sound with the oh why's your heart beating so fast

"Did you write that song?" "No, you wrote it in [my heart]. I just sang it out loud" is an insane line. good job Tinn

also this I need somebody to love song reminds me of a song from the True Beauty OST or is it 18 Again?

Ep 10 (Feb 23)

10-1

pls Gun getting Tinn to clean the classroom

oof Tinn witnessing Gun's mom in pain

bruh why'd she make Tinn stay T.T now he knows about how severe her migranes are and I think people said there's gonna be about Tinn knowing but Gun not being told

10-2

pls tutor P'Aof

pls TinnGun are sooo cute, I'm gonna be so sad when they have angst cuz of Tinn having to keep the mom thing a secret

loll Tiw's genius plan to introduce Chinchillaz to the school

a;kldfjs Sound getting so worked up at the possibility that Tiw could like Win

anyway is Tiw/Por a thingggg

aghhh Tinn's not wrong for keeping it from Gun because Gun's mom told him to and it's her responsibility to tell her son but Gun's not wrong for being mad that Tinn knew and kept it from him

my poor beloved Gun T.T he lost his dad without a chance to say goodbye and now his mom has a brain tumour T.T

okay well at least Gun's mom tells him to not be mad at Tinn and also tells him about things that Tinn has done for him in secret so far

awww the "I just bought some food and drinks for you. In case you're hungry" T.T I knew Tinn didn't leave but the way Gemini did his little acting really hit it

10-3

lovely Tinn getting to hear Gun say he's thankful for the things that he's done

broooo I thought Gun was gonna call and she was gonna see, not that Tinn's mom would actually go through his phone D:

oh i see she had 1 moment of resistance and then fucking Chinzhilla Baby with Gun's face comes up ahhhh

the parents are really making me go through it this ep

also you know something else haunting me is a gif from ep 11 probably of Gun being like "yeah! fine I'm the reason we lost" or something like ah fuck

10-4

ah okay at least his mother's okay, though of course they're making us wait for winner announcements but like is the "will you be disappointed if i don't win?" and tinn saying "not at all" foreshadowing

I like how Tinn and Gun switch being the nervous one and flirty one. like they're both into each other and want to hug and kiss cheeks/on the lips and want to make the other one be flustered but also they each can get shy or get flustered

Ep 11 (Feb 24)

11-1

ohhh it really goes to Chinzhilla interesting

wtf was that real or no

fucking fuckkkkkkkkk it was a bit dreamy but I was like hmmm

poor sad Gun :< my beloved

why is Tinn just going to the student council my guy

aw hopeful optimist Por. he doesn't even have a funky sweater on today to get through this

oh maybe TinnGun are just avoiding each other at school or something but are fine together at the hospital

11-2

sorry why is Tinn's dad kneeling on the ground beside the couch after getting his wife a drink like this is so the plot of the PWPs I've read

nooo poor Gun getting nervous

aw Win believes it's his fault that they lost Hot Wave

yes Por/Tiw but it wasn't a secret relationship the way everybody was hoping

pls Por's foot being broken because he didn't redeem his wish of making no mistakes during the Hot Wave performance. the whole group's coming together through this though

ahhh preview of Tinn's mom asking Gun something,- I thought it was her asking Tinn something at first cuz we could only see her but then Gun nodding...

11-3

oioioi Gun revealing so much about Tinn's help to his mother but he's so endearing pls Tinn's mom, love him pls <3

pls Tinn's face when he realizes his mother went to Gun's mom's milk bar

okayyyy Tinn told his mom it was Gun who invited him to the beach trip and le thim go

pls not this Oishii ad

TinnGun you silly goofs with the hugging

wait wtf what's going on D:

oh pls Win why is he saying that to Gun

scary Gun? I'd like to see him play smth angry again

damn who is making up so quickly after saying such harsh words and almost fighting physically

all their wishes came true but what did Tinn and Gun wish for?

bro Tinn seek help. he wished that whatever Gun wished for comes true?

pls Gun's cute little wish >.<

but so funny that not a single one of them wished to win Hot Wave

11-4

okayyyy we're getting hesitancy but now quite homophobia from Tinn's mom

TinnGun soooo cute

free Nook from Yo

these non-kiss things are a bit annoying like either kiss or stop eluding to it

TinnGun my beloveds soooooo cute

I love Gemini's little smile his toothy grin

I wish the friendship fights were either less intense or had more of a falling out that was fixed through some time and conversation. it gave me whiplash to get from such harsh words to hugging and cuteness

Ep 12 (Feb 24)

People have said it's the perfect ending, so I'm looking forward to it.

12-1

plss so cute T.T Tinn's mom wanting to talk to Tinn about him and Gun but backing off when she realizes how anxious and scared it was making Tinn. And Gun's cute convo with his mom who gives her full approval <3

aw Tinn saying his family isn't like Gun's :<

sorry Tinn and this girl doing a shooting as romantic partners so funny like first of all she has a gf and he has a bf

loll Gun finally aware of Tiw's help with Tinn. also lol I feel like Tiw's "nobody except me knows" is gonna be untrue

I love lesbians so bad

ah we're really getting into the societal acceptance of queerness

TINNGUN ARE SO FUCKING CUTE T.T I saw a clip on twitter of their kiss scene but it's still making me so giddy

these fucking showssss and their fucking photo spreading of 2 boys kissingggg first NLMG now this ahhh

12-2

pls everybody but Por knew about TinnGun but Pat didn't know about SoundWin

I mean Jorn's not wrong about him joining to help every club, not just help Tinn hit on Gun but also you could seem less homophobic

nooo my beloved Gun, trying not to cry by pinching his nose the way Tinn told him

my beloved Tinn so willing to tell everybody T.T and be beside Gun

I hate the students fangirling over the TinnGun hug aghh like we were just having a heartfelt moment wtf is this

lol Win calling Sound 'pumpkin' so cute and flustered Sound so cute

wtf 'this can make the school look bad?' these teachers need a kick. i hope the mom remains to be strongly supportive of Tinn

we will never be free of name position debates like even in this fucking show we getting TinnGun GunTinn discussions you're killing me

ah that's why we had the switch to hand held camera - showed the shakiness of overhearing your teachers be homophobic towards you

oh so true Jorn punched the teacher? Everybody was talking about Tinn punching him in the preview from ep 11 so this is more shocking

12-3

yay Tinn mum!

TinnGun cute as hell once again, the performance at Prom of the new song is also cute

pls this PDA and shipping comments making me die so bad like these are in-canon high school classmates but Tinn is dying at being so publicly loved on, so I'll let it slide

12-4

cute SoundWin. I'm not super into them because Win's too much and I skipped most of their kissing as I tend to do but their dynamic is fun and cute

aww my poor beloved Pat with no faen. not to worry my guy, you have a beautiful face

plsss so cute both Tinn's dad and Gun so nervous

D: Gun going straight to 'mae' and Tinn's mom being taken aback and being like let's start with 'Aunt' is killing me so bad, I'm so embarrassed

soooo cute TinnGun so cute

we will never be free from name position debates x2 though it's def interesting that GMMTV is going in a way where there's even debate now rather than clear cut answers. like FirstKhao vs KhaoFirst. TinnGun vs GunTinn. Nueng and Palm's dynamic is weird and flippy but not flippy.

Very good last episode. Gave us some angst and tied up some loose ends in the first half. Made me sooo giddy in the second half.

Overall:

I really liked it, especially for what it was: a cute, endearing high school BL with really endearing leads and good acting and sometimes turning tropes on their head.

I didn't love it or obsess over it the way some people seemed to but it was enjoyable nonetheless. I also loved so many of their faces lol Fourth and Prom my favourite beautiful faces but Gemini and Satang are beautiful too, not to mention Gun's mother whew!

This made me giddy and the OSTs are great and there's clear effort from the cast and crew. I liked the dynamic between the characters, whether it be how Gun and Tinn took turns being bold and shy or the parent-child relationships or Chinzhilla band. I might increase the rating by 0.5 if the characters continue giving me brainrot.

Fave Ep: Probably Ep 3

Rating: 7 7.5/10 [April 4, 2023 Edit: The characters did indeed continue to give me brainrot, as well as actors, so +0.5]

Videos

Let's Talk BL video podcast: S3 EP23: Gemini & Fourth

Open House Open Heart - Behind Special

Posts I Made

Tinn, Gun, and Tinn's father in ep 12

Public Confession at Prom

Tiktoks:

Ep 1 Tinn manipulating the folk song contest to favour Gun's group

Ep 0 Open House Open Heart FourthGemini

[Fave] Ep 3 Gun falling in love (bg: Labyrinth - taylor swift)

Ep 3 Tinn getting frustrated tutoring Gun and momentarily forgetting that’s his boy lol

Ep 4 finger locking tinn hand shaking

Tinn not going who Gun likes and dying over it

Ep 7 girlfriends !

“I guess I’m the only one who’s whipped”

MSP Ep by Ep

Ep 11 Gun and the girl being jealous of Tinn and her gf acting

Edit: Can't Help Falling In Love With You

This was so funny because most of the tiktoks, I'd liked and tracked before having watched the series and I didn't know who Gun and Tinn were so I just guessed during every scene lmfao and sometimes I was referring to them with wrong names

Old Trailer: GMMTV 2022 | แฟนผมเป็นประธานนักเรียน [My School President]

Ah, it has certain of the same parts but the new story is so much better. The trailer showed some of the usual tropes of pitfalls of high school BL and I'm glad the final show managed to make them fresh and interesting. Also Fourth looks like a babyyy. I guess he was 17/18 during the final filming and so was probably 16/17 during the trailer but he looks more than just a year younger - aw child

New Trailer: [Official Trailer] แฟนผมเป็นประธานนักเรียน My School President

ehhhh it's an alright trailer. I wish instead of 4 minutes of showing way too much, they'd have a 2-minute snappy and succinct trailer that better showcased the silliness and endearing factors of the show. it's an okay trailer but not great.

Edit Mar 30: Episode 12 behind was released yesterday and me and twitter have been losing our entire heads over it. all the kisses and also fourth insisting said kisses 'are nothing' is so...

[millenniumcelebration]

thank you bestie @cajolions for the tag!!

Tag someone you want to get to know better! Or just check in with. Fall's a busy time of year.

Favorite color: red!! this is because i was obsessed with cirque du freak as a kid and mr. crepsley's favorite color is red so i said mine was too but genuinely i do like it a lot lol

Last song: umm i really only listen to music when i'm driving (i just got a "new" car and bluetooth is a game changer tbh. yes i am ten years late to any technology advancement)...i wanna say it was poor child from the wild party

Last movie: i almost never watch movies so i have been wracking my memory to try to figure this out. i'm pretty sure it was titanic a few months ago when my roommates were trying to find it online. so i lent them my dvd and stuck around to watch with them

Currently watching: star trek lower decks, call the midwife s11 (and apparently s12 just hit netflix so i'm really behind now oops), and i'm about to start the new taskmaster season while i have lunch! (or not, apparently it's not on youtube until 4pm and my usual alternate site isn't working. tragic.) oh, and my covid-induced saddle club rewatch that i need to go back to LOL

Other stuff I watched this year: i have not been super on the ball with media this year to be honest- i just haven't had much motivation for it. i'm always watching star trek so i guess strange new worlds and picard were both airing this year? i don't remember when the last taskmaster season was out? i've definitely watched assorted stuff on disney+ too (strange world and howard are the major ones i remember)

Shows I dropped this year: i don't think i've dropped any because i haven't really...started any...although dr who is making a return soon i guess and i'm genuinely not sure if i'll bother to watch it or not (though rtd2 has me so intrigued...what kind of trainwreck will we get and will it be funny)

Currently reading: i've actually been reading more than watching stuff this year! feels good. currently i'm on a gathering of shadows which is from some new adult series a coworker recommended- definitely not high art (and i'm annoyed that book 2 is starting to push the het romance that i was so relieved never went anywhere in book 1) but it's a fun magical world to read about without having to put too much thought into. i've also been reading the heart of our cities insanely slowly for the last year and i'm partway through a chronicles of narnia (re)read because i never read all of them in order as a kid. and technically i was reading game of thrones book 2 but it's just so fucking long i could not summon the willpower to continue, but i might go back to it eventually

i'm tagging @hot-cocoa-daydream and if anyone else reads all this and wants to pretend i tagged you feel free lmao

[gentlemanthiief]

♕ i've had this drabble sitting on a google doc for months, back when i first decided akira was from inaba and i never finished it. here it is now in all its adolescent gay glory. it's kind of self-indulgent and just slightly angst flavored. finn is another muse of mine from a pretty obscure vn, so if any of you actually recognize him you get a cookie.

Cigarette Daydreams

The peach blossom festival in Inaba was something to behold. The groves around the town were bathed in pink and white hues, petals fluttering into the streets and carrying the smell of spring wherever they went. When the sun started to creep towards the horizon, downtown Inaba was brought to life again with warmly lit paper lanterns, and music. In a few hours, there would be a fireworks display over the river. Plenty of Inaba’s residents milled about the park, enjoying food and dancing together under the trees to pass time before the other events began.

Akira was situated under one such tree, arms folded gently and his gaze locked distantly onto one Finnegan Kazimir; the foreign exchange student who ended up becoming much more popular than anyone in Yasogami High School had anticipated. When Finn had first arrived in the fall, he was treated like most foreigners, with little attention outside of what was necessary. But right then, Finn was teaching a girl named Aiko how to spin in a dance, with a small crowd of other first years clustered around them to watch. They laughed together, and Akira could hear one of the other girls ask for her turn to be taught how to dance. 

Akira glanced away, scoffing lightly. 

Such strange, silly behavior. The other students fawned over Finn like he was an exotic and beautiful creature from another world. Akira could agree about some things … well, a lot of them — but the sensationalism had grown to obscene levels. There had been a time when Akira had been just as enthralled by him, though. So much so it had frightened him. 

As one of the few students who was better with their English, Finn had been drawn to Akira early on. Finn was all bright, toothy smiles and charming laughter, seeming to be almost grateful for Akira’s more casual attitude. But Finn was truly captivating, and it didn’t take very long for others to gather. Within a few months, Finn had friends around every corner, and Akira often found himself in situations just like this one. Standing aside, watching him share those incredible stories he’d told Akira first with everyone else. 

“ Kurusu-kun ! ”

He snapped to attention as Finn closed in, trailed by a few of his fans. The evening sun behind him outlined his skin with an ethereal aura, making the honey-like amber hue of his eyes seem to glow. With each step closer, Akira felt his stomach sink further towards the ground. 

“ I thought you said you weren’t going to come. ” Finn mirrored Akira’s posture, flashing another one of those damnable smiles. 

“ I changed my mind. ” Akira shrugged, lowering his arms to slide his hands into the pockets of his jeans. His throat felt dry, but he still offered a small smile back.

“ I’m glad to hear it. ” There was a pause, an awkward shift in the air. Finn’s gaze lingered on Akira’s even as theirs fell away, like he had more to say. As usual, it wasn’t more than a few seconds before someone went to draw Finn’s attention; today’s edition was a boy named Hotaru. “ Kazi-kun, do we wanna head over to the docks ? The fireworks should be starting after sundown. ”

“ You go on ahead, ” Finn looked away from Akira to offer a friendly nod. “ I’ll meet you down there. I’d like to catch up with him. ”

Akira watched the small group exchange glances between him and Finn before saying their goodbyes and starting off, whispering amongst themselves. Akira sighed through his nose as he looked away to instead watch the flower petals nearby drift down from the tree above them following a soft breeze. In his pocket, one of Akira’s fingernails scratched impatiently at the cuticle on his thumb.

There were a few more beats of silence between them, unspoken words thickening the tension, before Finn would say something disarming, and eventually Akira’s shoulders would fall and it was easier to smile back. A lot of their recent meetings had started like this. And would likely end the same way as well. With Akira melting into the background once more.

“ I really wanted to see you. ”

Akira suddenly glanced at Finn again, startled. That wasn’t part of the protocol, now was it ? He was meant to say something witty, or tell Akira about the wild tanuki he met on his walk to school, or ask him what kind of food they should grab from the storefronts selling all kinds of peach treats for the festival. When Akira didn’t respond, Finn continued, tipping his head towards a footpath going into one of the groves. “ Will you walk with me for a while ? ”

“ Won’t you be missed ? ” Akira reached up and anxiously twisted one of his curls between two fingers, but his voice remained even, perhaps aloof. 

“ That doesn’t matter, I didn’t come here for them. ”

Akira forgot how to breathe, but only for a moment. He swallowed the stone in his throat, felt it travel all the way down and land hard in his gut. “ ... Okay. ”

He pushed himself off the trunk of the tree he’d been leaning against, and soon fell into stride with Finn towards the footpath in mutual silence.

Akira’s expression remained unreadable, but his heart was pounding in his throat and it was making his head feel fuzzy. It shouldn’t be, none of this should be affecting Akira the way it was. Finn had grown apart from him, yes, but that wasn’t Finn’s intention and he knew that. Finn couldn’t help that he’d gotten along so well with everyone. And yet Akira couldn’t help but feel strange, that Finn was choosing alone time with him instead of continuing in his spotlight.

Well, perhaps that wasn’t the right wording. Finn stood in spotlight wherever he went as far as Akira was concerned.

“ It’s so beautiful, ” Finn’s voice pulled Akira out of his thoughts, his attention back on the brit as they drifted away from the crowds and the music faded further into the background. “ Never see anything like this back home. They’ve got nature preserves and parks and all, but this is a paradise like nothing else … ” he sounded deeply awed, eyes scanning the branches above them as they walked under them, deeper into the grove. 

Akira hummed in agreement and looked away again, eyes trained on the path instead. It was getting darker out, and most of the people in the park were filtering out while Akira and Finn ventured further in. 

“ You’re so lucky, getting to see this all the time. ” Finn continued, the more usual charm returning to his tone. Akira blinked at him. “ To have this much beauty right in your backyard, wherever you go, your whole life. I envy you. ”

It wasn’t often Finn brought up the fact that his visit to Japan was a fleeting one. He’d gotten used to hearing Finn express how much it felt like this was home. It was even less often that he admitted such things like being jealous of anyone, let alone Akira. “ It’s not like it’s every day, ” he pointed out, shaking his head as he looked back towards the path. “ Spring only lasts so many months. ”

“ True, ” Finn conceded, nodding once. “ But that’s what makes it so important to live in the present. This beauty is incredible, but only temporary. It reminds us how fragile beauty can be. How much it has to be cherished while we have it. ”

Finn stopped walking, and it took Akira a few paces to notice and look behind him. Finn was no longer smiling. 

He turned his head towards a bench, about a dozen meters off the footpath, facing a small creek running through the grove. Akira watched Finn follow that gaze and head over to it, pausing only to glance back at Akira, a wordless invitation to join him. Akira dipped his head and followed.

By now twilight had set in. Stars were starting to peek through the lilac sky, the sun no longer visible behind any of the trees. As Finn reached the bench, Akira stopped walking this time, reaching up to scratch the back of his neck. “ You’re gonna miss the fireworks if we don’t go back. ”

Finn looked unbothered, brows raised. “ Did you want to see them ? ”

“ Well, I came out here, might as well. ” It was a half-assed answer, and from the way Finn tilted his head, they both knew it. 

“ They’re gonna be doing fireworks all week. You’ll have plenty of chances to see them. I wanna spend some time with you. ”

“ I just feel — ”

“ Aki … ”

Akira hesitated, the name firing down any arguments or excuses he could’ve crafted. With a defeated sigh, Akira continued over to join Finn by the bench and sat down beside him, crossing his arms again.

They were quiet for a while, listening to the spring cicadas and the delicate babbling of the creek in front of them. Akira wasn’t sure what to say. The uncomfortable pit in his stomach hadn’t gone away, and neither had his heart stopped racing. His fingers rubbed the fabric of his shirt in the crook of his elbow, needing something to distract himself from the sensations.

He didn’t have to ponder it for much longer. Finn nudged Akira’s knee with his own, catching the other boy’s attention. He met Finn’s gaze, finding a vulnerability there Akira hadn’t seen in a while. “ I’m sorry for not trying harder. ”

“ ... What ? ” Akira furrowed his brow, confused. Finn turned his body to face Akira, and reached up to pry Akira’s fingers from his elbow and took his hand. The touch froze Akira’s lungs again, but he recovered shortly after, waiting for Finn to continue. 

“ I’m not an idiot. They pull me away from you intentionally. And I know you don’t want to be confrontational about it. ”

Akira stared at Finn’s hand holding his own, unsure how to respond. He’d been content to just let it slide. It wasn’t his place to ask it to be any different. While Akira missed the time he spent with Finn before, Finn only had so much time to spend with everyone he’d befriended in his time in Inaba. It wasn’t the early days where Akira was the only one talking to him all the time. “ It’s not about being confrontational, ” Akira tried to laugh it off, but his nerves were betraying his voice. He was tempted to pull his hand away, even hidden behind the bench. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it. “ It’s only reasonable for you to make other friends while you’re here — ”

“ But you were a friend I never should have neglected like that. ” Finn’s voice was earnest, and he moved closer to Akira, squeezing his hand gently. When it happened, it felt like another hand had closed around Akira’s heart and squeezed the same way.

He pushed through the discomfort, and tried to give Finn a more reassuring smile. “ Don’t be ridiculous. It was never going to be just you and me, that would be — ”

“ Yeah well, I miss when it was just you and me. ”

Akira’s smile faltered. The hand around his heart squeezed tighter, almost painfully. This wasn’t a conversation Akira had been prepared for. Finn wasn’t supposed to like Akira back, and he most definitely wasn’t supposed to to tell him that he liked him back.

“ It was nice … ” Finn continued, “ It was like this. Just the two of us, able to be however we want to be, and say whatever we want to say…It was genuine. ”

Akira finally was able to respond, surprised by Finn’s choice of words. “ Genuine? ”

“ Yeah, ” Finn finally smiled again, not in that bright and twinkly way that was meant to be infectious, but in the way he smiled at Akira when they were alone like this. The way that looked truly happy. “ All these people...they’re nice, and I know they like me because I’m the fancy shiny foreigner who’s just really good at pleasing people. ”

“ You do deserve the attention, though. ” A little bit of Akira’s usual humor made its way back into his voice. The grip on his heart loosened a little as Finn started to gently play with Akira’s fingers in his hands. “ You were crying for it at one point. ”

Finn laughed softly, the sound like the bubbles rising and popping in the creek beside them. “ Well yeah, I guess you’re right. But at this point it’s exhausting. I’m just one bloke, man. ”

“ So that’s why we’re here. ”

“ It was so I could spend time with you, Akira. ” Finn was quick to respond, almost talking over Akira, who had looked away again. Finn tightened his grip on Akira’s hand, encouraging him to meet his gaze again. “ Because I miss you. And you’re right, I did ask for this attention and brought it all upon myself. But at this point I’d throw it all away just to get to spend time with you again like we did before. ”

Akira’s throat was dry again. “ Your entourage of school girls would be devastated. ”

“ Maybe they’re jealous of you. ”

“ Jealous ? ” The word came as a breathless laugh. “ What do they have to be jealous of ? I’m not a threat. ”

Finn watched Akira for a moment. Then, he lifted a hand and gently placed it on Akira’s cheek. “ Ohh, Aki … ” Finn sighed, his voice barely above a whisper, listless. His gaze seemed to linger on Akira’s lips. Akira was starting to feel a bit dizzy again suddenly. “ I think they should be terrified of you. ”

As he finished the words, his eyes met Akira’s again and searched them for a moment, gauging his reaction. Akira was frozen with shock, and yet buzzing with energy. He couldn’t hear anything over the deafening beat of his heart. And before Akira had any more time to process, Finn leaned forward and captured Akira’s lips into a soft, tentative kiss.

It was nothing like the clumsy fumbling he’d experienced when learning to kiss Izumi last year. When Akira closed his eyes and kissed back, Finn moved closer and kissed deeper, the hand still holding Akira’s shifting to link their fingers together. Warmth bloomed from somewhere deep in Akira’s body with each kiss, spreading further outward. This was terrifying. Dangerous, even. For a multitude of reasons. And yet Akira couldn’t bring himself to pull back. 

Well, he didn’t end up having to. Finn was the first to break away when the cannon-fire boom of the first firework echoed from somewhere far behind them, bathing the night sky in a flash of light before others began to join it. Finn and Akira glanced up, catching glimpses of the fireworks from behind the tree tops. It was only a temporary distraction, the boys looked back at each other almost at the same time. Akira’s breath was uneven, and he knew his skin was flushed with heat. 

Finn was right. Beauty was fleeting, temporary, and fragile. He’d be damned if he didn’t do his best to cherish it while he had it. The hand that wasn’t still interlocked with Finn’s was shaking slightly when Akira lifted it off his waist and onto Finn’s, rushing forward to kiss him again.

[crystal1010]

Unyielding Obsession

 The sun dipped below the horizon, casting long shadows across the quiet suburban street. Jane stood at her bedroom window, watching the last slivers of daylight fade. 

Her thoughts, however, were not on the picturesque sunset but on a single person" Alex".

Jane had known Alex since they were children, their friendship evolving into a deep, unspoken bond as they grew older. To Jane, Alex was more than a friend; he was her world, her anchor. She often found herself daydreaming about a future with him, her heart aching with a longing she could barely contain.

Tonight, she had invited him over for dinner. Her parents were away, and she had meticulously planned every detail to create the perfect evening. The table was set with their favorite dishes, and soft music played in the background. Everything had to be perfect. As the clock struck seven, the doorbell rang. Jane's heart skipped a beat, and she hurried to the door. Alex stood on the porch, his familiar smile lighting up his face. 

"Hey, Jane," he greeted warmly.  

"Hi, Alex. Come in," she replied, trying to keep her voice steady despite the excitement bubbling inside her.

They settled into an easy conversation over dinner, reminiscing about their childhood adventures and discussing their plans for the future. Jane found herself lost in his words, the sound of his voice like a soothing melody.

After dinner, they moved to the living room. Jane had planned this moment carefully. She wanted to confess her feelings, to finally tell Alex how much he meant to her. But as she opened her mouth to speak, Alex beat her to it.

"Jane, there's something I need to tell you," he said, his expression suddenly serious.

Her heart pounded in her chest. Was he going to confess his feelings too?

"I've met someone," he continued, his eyes avoiding hers. "Her name is Emma, and we've been seeing each other for a few months now. I wanted to tell you earlier, but I didn't know how."

Jane's world shattered in an instant. The room seemed to spin around her, and she struggled to breathe. Emma. The name echoed in her mind like a cruel taunt.

"Oh," she managed to say, forcing a smile. "That's great, Alex. I'm happy for you."

But she wasn't. Every fiber of her being screamed in protest. How could he choose someone else? Didn't he see how much she loved him?

The evening ended with a strained farewell, Alex leaving with an oblivious smile while Jane stood at the door, her mind a whirlwind of emotions. As she closed the door behind him, the facade of composure crumbled.

Jane retreated to her room, her sanctuary. She sat on her bed, clutching a pillow to her chest, and let the tears flow. She had to do something. She couldn't let Emma take Alex away from her. He belonged with her, and she would do whatever it took to make him see that.

Over the next few days, Jane's obsession grew. She followed Alex and Emma, noting their routines, learning their habits. She meticulously documented every detail in a notebook, her mind consumed by a single goal: to reclaim Alex.

One evening, Jane found herself standing outside Emma's house. She watched from the shadows as Emma arrived home, her laughter echoing in the quiet night. Jane's heart burned with jealousy. She couldn't let this continue.

As Emma stepped inside, Jane made her move. She crept up to the house, her footsteps silent on the pavement. The door was unlocked—a stroke of luck. She slipped inside, her eyes scanning the unfamiliar surroundings.

She found Emma in the living room, her back turned as she prepared a cup of tea. Jane approached silently, her heart pounding in her ears. In one swift motion, she grabbed a vase from a nearby table and struck Emma on the head. Emma crumpled to the floor, unconscious.

Jane's breath came in ragged gasps. She hadn't meant to hurt her, but now there was no turning back. She dragged Emma to the basement, tying her up securely. Emma would be out of the picture, at least for a while. Long enough for Jane to make Alex see reason.

The next morning, Jane called Alex, her voice trembling with feigned distress. "Alex, I need to talk to you. Can you come over?"

Alex arrived within minutes, concern etched on his face. "Jane, what's wrong?"

She led him to the living room, her mind racing. She had to play this perfectly. "It's about Emma," she began, her voice shaking. "She...she left town. She said she needed some space."

Alex's face fell. "What? That doesn't make sense. She didn't say anything to me."

Jane reached out, placing a comforting hand on his arm. "I'm so sorry, Alex. But maybe this is for the best. Maybe it means we can spend more time together, like we used to."

He looked at her, confusion and hurt in his eyes. "I don't understand, Jane. Why would she leave without telling me?"

Jane forced a sympathetic smile. "Sometimes people need to figure things out on their own. But I'm here for you, Alex. I'll always be here for you."

As she spoke, she realized the truth of her words. She would always be there for Alex, no matter what. Because her love for him was unyielding, unwavering. And she would do whatever it took to keep him by her side, forever.

Days turned into weeks, and Jane's plan seemed to be working. Alex spent more and more time with her, seeking solace in her company. They fell back into their old routines, their friendship stronger than ever. Jane's heart swelled with hope. Maybe, just maybe, Alex would realize that she was the one for him.

But Emma was not forgotten. Alex tried calling her repeatedly, leaving voicemails and sending messages that went unanswered. His concern for her grew with each passing day, a constant thorn in Jane's side. She needed a more permanent solution.

One night, as Alex sat on Jane's couch, staring at his phone with a worried expression, Jane made her decision. She had to end this once and for all.

"Alex," she said softly, sitting beside him. "I think you should let go of Emma. She chose to leave, and it's hurting you to hold on."

He looked at her, pain in his eyes. "I just don't understand why she would do this. It doesn't make sense."

Jane placed a hand on his. "Sometimes people aren't who we think they are. Maybe Emma wasn't the right person for you."

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Maybe you're right. I just wish I knew why."

Jane's heart ached for him, but she knew what she had to do. That night, after Alex left, she returned to Emma's house. She had kept Emma alive, feeding her just enough to keep her conscious. But now, it was time to finish what she had started.

Emma was weak, her eyes dull with pain and fear. Jane knelt beside her, a mixture of pity and determination in her gaze.

"I'm sorry, Emma," she whispered. "But I can't let you take him away from me." Emma's voice was barely a whisper. "Why? Why are you doing this?"

"Because I love him," Jane replied simply. "And he belongs with me."

With that, she ended Emma's suffering, the weight of her actions pressing down on her like a heavy shroud. She left the house, erasing any traces of her presence. Emma would be found eventually, but by then, it would be too late. Jane would have secured her place in Alex's life. 

In the following days, Alex's mood shifted. He seemed to accept Emma's disappearance, focusing instead on his future. Jane was his constant companion, offering support and comfort. Their bond deepened, and Jane felt a sense of triumph. She had won.

One evening, as they sat on the porch, watching the sunset, Alex turned to her. "Jane, I don't know what I would have done without you these past few weeks. You've been amazing."

She smiled, her heart soaring. "That's what friends are for, Alex."

He shook his head. "No, it's more than that. You've always been there for me, through everything. I think...I think I've been blind to what's right in front of me."

Jane's breath caught in her throat. Was this it? Was he finally realizing his feelings for her?

"Jane, I think I love you," he said, his voice filled with emotion.

Tears filled her eyes as she threw her arms around him. "I love you too, Alex. I've always loved you."

In that moment, everything fell into place. Jane had fought for this, sacrificed for this. And now, Alex was hers. Completely and utterly hers.

As they sat together, the sun setting behind them, Jane felt a sense of peace. Her love for Alex had driven her to the edge, but it had also brought them together. She knew that their future wouldn't be without challenges, but she was ready to face them. Because her love for Alex was unyielding, unwavering. And nothing would ever come between them again.

Weeks turned into months, and Jane's life seemed to settle into a blissful routine. Alex had all but forgotten about Emma, and their bond grew stronger every day. Jane relished every moment, her heart swelling with a twisted sense of victory.

But the darkness within her never truly faded. It lingered, a shadow at the edges of her happiness. She had taken a life for Alex, and though she told herself it was worth it, the weight of her actions was ever-present.

One night, as Jane lay in bed beside Alex, she was jolted awake by a nightmare. In her dream, Emma's ghostly figure loomed over her, eyes filled with accusation. Jane woke up in a cold sweat, her heart racing.

She glanced over at Alex, who slept peacefully beside her. She had to protect this, protect them. No matter the cost.

Jane's paranoia grew. She began to see threats everywhere. What if someone found out? What if Alex somehow learned the truth? She couldn't let that happen.

She became more controlling, more possessive. She monitored Alex's every move, ensuring he had no chance to even think about another woman. When he questioned her, she brushed it off with a smile, hiding her fear behind a mask of love.

One evening, as they were having dinner, Alex mentioned a new coworker, Lily. Jane's heart froze. She forced a smile, but inside, she was seething.

"She seems nice," Alex said casually. "We had lunch together today."

Jane's mind raced. She couldn't let this Lily become a threat. She needed to act.

That night, while Alex slept, Jane slipped out of the house. She drove to Lily's address, which she had found in Alex's phone. She parked a few houses away and approached on foot, her heart pounding with a mix of fear and determination.

Lily's house was dark, save for a single light in the living room. Jane crept around to the back, finding an unlocked window. She slipped inside, moving silently through the unfamiliar home.

Lily was sitting on the couch, reading a book. She looked up, startled, as Jane approached.

"Who are you?" Lily demanded, fear flashing in her eyes.

Jane didn't respond. She couldn't let this woman take Alex from her. She lunged, a knife glinting in her hand. Lily screamed, but it was cut short as Jane silenced her forever.

Jane stood over Lily's lifeless body, her hands trembling. She had done it again. She had killed for Alex. She left the house, careful to erase any evidence of her presence.

When she returned home, she slipped back into bed beside Alex, her heart still racing. She had done what she had to do. For them.

The next day, news of Lily's murder spread through town. Alex was shocked and saddened, but Jane was there to comfort him, her facade of innocence intact.

As weeks passed, Jane's grip on Alex tightened. She had eliminated every threat, every obstacle. He was hers, completely and utterly.

But the darkness within her grew stronger. She became more paranoid, more obsessed. Her love for Alex had become a consuming fire, burning away any remnants of her former self.

One night, as they lay in bed, Alex stirred. "Jane," he said softly, "I've been having strange dreams. About Emma and...and Lily."

Jane's heart skipped a beat. "What kind of dreams?"

"They're accusing me of something. Saying I should have seen the signs. I don't understand."

Jane forced a smile. "They're just dreams, Alex. You can't let them get to you."But she knew the truth. The ghosts of her actions were haunting him, just as they haunted her. She couldn't escape them. She had killed for love, but now that love was suffocating her.

As Alex drifted back to sleep, Jane stared at the ceiling, her mind a whirlwind of fear and obsession. She had won, but at what cost?

In the darkness, she whispered to herself, "I did it for you, Alex. Everything was for you."

But the shadows offered no comfort. They only deepened, wrapping around her like a shroud, a constant reminder of the price she had paid for her unyielding obsession.

[linseia]

Yes, I've been reading my old journals recently, going through my older posts, and letters I sent my friends when I was sad. Learning, relearning, analyzing my own behavior and reflecting has always been the toughest yet the most exciting phases of my life honestly, I'm embracing whatever life is giving me and seeing it as a learning opportunity to grow and show up as the highest version of myself.

Take cold showers, drink tea, watch informative YouTube videos, read, meet up with friends, FaceTime friends, keep up with extracurricular work, don't get unnecessarily stressed about the 'aesthetic' of your notes, reflect regularly, achieve constantly.

You have this one life. How do you wanna spend it? Apologizing? Regretting? Questioning? Hating yourself? Dieting? Running after people who don't see you? Be brave. Believe in yourself. Do what feels good. Take risks. You have this one life. Make yourself proud. 

Remember, inner peace begins the moment you take a deep breath and choose not to allow another person or event to control your thoughts. You are not what happened to you. You are what you choose, Let go, breathe, and begin again.  You're getting better. You're flourishing. You're leaving behind all that doesn't serve your highest good. You're getting rid of negative thought patterns, habits, and behaviors. Deep down you know you can do it. You know all the potential you have. Now is the time to step it up. You'll get to a point in your life when you realize it's been months, years, decades... and you forgot to live.

Life is not Instagram. Life is not Facebook. Life is not texting. Life is forgetting your phone at home, going on an adventure with people that mean the most to you, feeling, sensing, actually looking around at the world and its beauty instead of your screen, and coming home with a huge smile on your face and a story to tell. I'd challenge anyone to stop picking up his or her phone, stop walking around the city looking down at it and try to remember what you experienced when you were a child. The universe is so much more interesting than any Instagram or text will ever be.

Wake up early. Drink coffee. Work hard. Be ambitious. Keep your priorities straight, your mind right, and your head up. Do well, live well, and dress really well. Do what you love, love what you do. It is time to start living. write letters and notes to yourself make little promises to yourself.

A big part of being happy is being excited. be excited for everything - making a cup of tea, decorating your future apartment, seeing a friend again, falling in love unexpectedly, the next episode of a show you like, finishing something stressful, buying something you've been saving up for, a new album, sunsets, traveling, road trips, and the feeling of going to bed after a long day. think of something to be excited about and daydream about it often when you're sad.

Retype your class notes. Add in info from other sources. Make summary folders out of the info. Run through them, keep a tally. When studying for an exam, print out those typed notes and highlight and annotate the shit out of them to link everything and structure the notes properly. Rewrite this structured format. Use those summary foldable to memorize the content. Do your homework the day you get it. Pack your bag the night before no matter how tired you are. Honestly, you need to drag your ass out of bed at the time you told yourself you would wake up. Relax when you're commuting. Whether that means listening to music, reading, or even sleeping, please use that time to relax. If you want, you can create that day's to-do list to get yourself a little motivated for the afternoon ahead. Take structured cornel notes in class. When studying, use those corners to create fake tests. Take those fake tests, uncover the holes in your knowledge/argument. Fill those holes. Keep up with your drama logbook and homework. Learn how to research efficiently.

LET'S DO OUR BEST! WE GOT THIS! WE'VE DONE THIS BEFORE, WE CAN DO IT AGAIN!!

sometimes you fall down in life and it sucks!!!!!! like it’s actually terrible but… hey. u gotta get back up champ bc u r a STAR. in other words, i have fallen down recently and this is how i plan on getting back up. bc i am a star.

starting easy

clean your room bc outer peace brings inner peace

clean yourself bc outer peace brings inner peace and this means removing your makeup washing your face brushing your teeth combing your hair wearing nice-smelling clothes

drink a glass of water because hydration. important.

play a happy song like rlly whatever u want that makes u happy and want to dance

i know this might sound hard but like u got this i believe in u

moving on

ok this is hard part but u still got this love

think about everything that is wrong literally like EVERYTHING but maybe not everything bc maybe it will stress you out but maybe writing it will be cathartic whatever works for u

find solutions for those problems

i know i make it sound super easy and i know it’s actually really hard but usually u know what the solution is just something is holding u back

so rlly decide that that is the solution

tell urself, “this is how i am going to fix this”

to make this very hard and difficult step, please be nice to yourself by listening to cool tunes and rocking eyeliner

it rlly helps

organising your thoughts is also useful bc organisation

i have heard a bullet journal is rlly gr8 for this because like u get to plan ur days but also write random crap that’s not actually random crap but instead very good crap like “how to cheer up when sad” it’s all there in one notebook !!! radical eh

the step where you get back up

set urself up for success by sleeping early and waking up early bc sleep is like soooOo important u have no idea

exercise bc endorphins and all that good stuff and drink water and eat yo vegetables

do the shit that u planned to do in the previous step even if it’s hard i know it’s hard life is hard but u r hardier u r a star

stay on track

k so a lot of ppl r like “discipline > motivation” which i 100% agree but like motivation is also nice

have someone believe in u/someone u can talk to and be ur ray of sunshine like this is rlly helpful

find a purpose for whatever u want to do like what is ur reason for going through the shitty path of life and choosing this hard decision

typical motivational quotes like idk about u but i fall for those every single time

pep talk urself and fake enthusiasm even if u don’t want to like isn’t it radical how the only person holding u back is u

forgive yourself

ur life will go on track and then back off again!!! bc u r a human and humans make mistakes

don’t u get all mopey on urself and be like “i have ruined my life” like stop being so dramatic tough love ik but like U R ALIVE AND THAT MEANS U GTA KEEP KICKIN AT SMTHING

u can mope for a bit and when u do mope mope ur heart out like cry and use tissues and whatever u need but like limit ur moping period bc u need to move on

bad things will happen to u bc life and no matter how much ppl want to help u only u can rlly help urself

ur life ur decisions. forgive urself and start over again (refer to beginning of this post)

fun little reminders

u have the most beautiful smile

my inbox is always open if u need a pep talk and i will always fight ur negativity with my jaw-dropping, amazing, radiant positivity

u! r! a! star!!!!11!11!!1111!!!!!!!!3

cake makes everything better

leonardo dicaprio is still single

i love u unless ur mean don’t be mean plS

<3

[theworstanonymousblog]

To the worst anonymous blogger

Before we get into the letter, I think I should give you some context on my life. This is a letter to my future self (who is hopefully doing better than I am right now). I've been doing a lot of thinking, which is just so out of character so I thought I should write about it. Now we can get into the letter...

 To the future version of myself, 

    Hi. How are you? I hope everything is going well in your life. I think I need to say how I feel because a lot has been weighing on me. Recently, I've just been thinking about everything. Like usually when there's silence in my everyday life, I listen to music or watch a show, but now I've just been sitting in the silence and thinking. I can't exactly pinpoint what what I'm thinking about, because it's not just one thing. 

    --- I actually eventually narrowed down what I'm thinking to two main points.

Also usually when I'm thinking, I'm daydreaming about the life that you have, but I haven't been doing that as much recently. Instead, I've mostly just been thinking about my life so far, and doing some self-reflection. This past week has been difficult because I've been more homesick than ever. I really don't want to be at college right now. It has nothing to do with the people or the classes - because both of those things are going great now - but it just feels like every day is a battle inside myself. I've though about asking my parents to come pick me up so many times but I haven't because it feels weak. I know that's not actually the truth, but my whole life I wanted to go to a college out-of-state. If I can't even make it an hour and a half away from home for two months at a time, then how was I ever going to make it to a college that was actually far away. And how am I going to make it when I live alone in hopefully a new state after college? So I guess that by forcing myself to stay here, it's a way of me proving to myself that I can be on my own, but it's not as easy as I thought it would be for myself. I also don't want to go home because I don't want my parents worrying about me more than they already are. I feel like I've gotten to a good point in my relationship with my parents recently, but I still don't tell them everything (mostly for Mom's sake because I think she would have a heart attack if I told her some of my stories). So yeah, basically that's why I've been feeling homesick, I think. 

    Also, something that's been weighing on my mind recently is boys. It sounds so stupid, but here I am writing my fucking feelings down. I guess we're just at that level of desperation now. It all started with a boy - let's call him MB. The one that got away (but I never even had him in the first place). 

    --- MB is a whole story that maybe I will write another blog post about someday, but today is not that day. 

I don't know what about him, but he just had some hold over me that made me into an obsessive fangirl. Thinking back on it, I hate the way I literally GLORIFIED him, but he was literally just a boy. He was perfect in my imagination, but I barely even knew him in real life. Anyways, I don't really know why I brought him up - oh, wait. He actually just posted on Instagram today (the nerve), so maybe that's why he's at the forefront of my mind. He got a buzzcut btw. Like he literally couldn't be any more my type!!! Ughhhh, we're backtracking. Ok, now back to the present moment. Boys. The actual story starts on Friday night. Me and like eight other girls were out downtown celebrating our friend Izzy's birthday. Things were a little awkward at first because it was a strange group of people. But as the night went on things became more fun. While we were in line for the most mid freshman bar, we met two boys. One of them immediately started talking to Izzy - good for her, it was her birthday after all. The other one was talking to the rest of us and just being a good wingman for his friend. We walk to other bars and the two boys follow us around everywhere - it's obvious that the one guy is really into Izzy. The other guy starts talking to one of the girls, Sarah. And if you've ever been in a group with guys and girls, then you know whenever there's an uneven number of guys to girls, things get awkward and someone always gets their feelings hurt. Usually, I'm not the kind of girl to get upset about these things. I've prided myself my whole life on being the independent girl who's never needed a boy to feel happy or complete or even to have a good time. And don't get me wrong, I still am that person. That Friday night, I was sad about not being "picked" for maybe half a second, and then I continued to dance like nobody's business on the 9d's dance floor. At the time, just being a girl at a bar was enough for me, but since that night, it's been weighing more heavily on me. Why am I never the girl that gets picked? Is there fundamentally something about me that a guy sees and thinks no? I know in my brain that these are silly questions and that the right guy will love everything about me and all that bullshit, but it's hard until you find that guy. Even later that night when two other guys came up to talk to me, I felt the other "rejections" more than I appreciated the other guys right in front of my face. And even when they were talking to me, all I wanted to do was dance, so what does that mean? I think I maybe just want a dance or karaoke partner? Did I just identify my dream man? Anyways, back to the two other guys. I'm not going to say they were creeps - because they weren't. But they were definitely of legal drinking age and gave me odd (predatory) vibes. So that led me to think -do I scare off normal guys so that the only ones left are weird? I actually have never seen myself white-girl dance so maybe it's my dancing that scares the normies off. But on a more serious note, what about me gives off the vibe that allows weird people to come up and talk to me? These are important questions, because if I'm attracting weirdos, then I might need to buy those drink lid covers. 

    So yeah, I think that's mostly what's been on my mind - homesickness and boys. 

Love, the current version of myself 

[pumbkinrabbit]

Uugghhh god this week is going to be infuriating for me and not even because anything is happening!!! NOTHING IS HAPPENING!!!

I started feeling weird and stir crazy just a few days ago and funny enough it was kicked off a day after my therapy

I've been stuck inside the house for a good month now with nothing to do but the same chores, the same entertainment, the same food and the same music. Normally I'd be cool, its whatever! I like being at home!

But I'm starting to want to claw my eyes out from being here, with nowhere to go and nothing to do that isn't inside or taking a walk around the pond; I'm so creatively fucked that i have nothing to be passionate about without losing energy faster than doing a marathon.

I haven't had energy to draw, to write, to daydream, to hang out with friends and to be even social with them. Nothing interests me yet i want to do SOMETHING engaging and I HAVE THE ENERGY FOR IT I'm just so sick of watching and playing and sitting and laying

It's making my head hurt from all this frustration being pent up, I'm so BORED.

I can't even get a job to avoid this because i have no car! I have no means of easy access to LEARN how to drive a car, my mom is always busy and her husband works literally the whole week all fucking day

This place is a cobwebbed nightmare and i want out so fucking bad.

AND I HATE HOW LIKE, MEAN OR DEFEATIST I FEEL WHEN I TELL PEOPLE ITS NOT SIMPLE TO FIX!!! IT REQUIRES DRASTIC CHANGES!!!

I don't even think either can adjust their schedules... or want to anyway

I miss being happy