#i've been asked to support the back office and help with managing cases which is okay i guess. but i'm not a support team person so

[whispering-kavka]

the struggles of today proved to me that i might indeed be a little mentally unwell

[nuoyipeach]

Carry My Name

Chapter 4

Park Sooyoung X Nakamoto Yuta

warnings: hints of misogyny?

Sooyoung smiled looking at the calendar on her desk, her eyes falling on the date circled and highlighted, with a heart inside it as well. It may have been another three weeks away, but knowing it was their anniversary month kept her on her toes every single moment. It would mark their third year of being a married couple, and seeing her current situation of sitting in her room of her school lunch business building, she was just thankful for the existence of Yuta in her life and how smoothly their relationship had been so far.

Her office was the only separated room, while the rest of her employees worked in the communal space. She had a small team, and so far they were able to get three rural schools better meal systems. She was a bit worried if she could manage this business back home from Osaka, but everything turned out well, once Yuta and Jaemin (who decided to work managing it for her there) pulled a few strings.

She turned back to her screen getting through work, when suddenly a loud voice could be heard echo outside her office. "Sir please calm down, you cannot barge in here!" she heard her assistant manager almost yelling, but a man fired back at her.

"Shut it woman! I will see her on my own terms!" before Sooyoung could reach her door, it bursted open, and the sight of her father caused her to freeze in her spot. It had been long since she last saw him, which was the day of her wedding, but what's worse was she couldn't remember the last time she saw his eyes filled with such rage.

He took quick footsteps coming closer to her, and she quickly stood behind her desk again, gulping before speaking. "Hello Mr Park." she dipped her head greeting him formally, looking up to see his annoyed face after many years.

"How dare you not acknowledge your father Park Sooyoung?!" he stomped closer until reaching her desk.

Sooyoung kept her composure, knowing the best thing to do was maintain so. "I am a Nakamoto, please respect as such." she sat down in her chair, hand reaching for the emergency button on her bracelet that Yuta gave her in case she ever needed help. "I don't recall you scheduling any meetings with me."

He slammed his hand on the table, giving her a slight scare, but she kept her calm. "Listen up, daughter. Considering you're running on your own around here, I as your father expect some sort of compensation from all this." he leaned on both arms over the table. "You owe us that much."

To say she was appalled was too simple as Sooyoung's brain practically halted at the words coming out of her father's mouth. "If I recall, sir, according to you once a woman marries, she carries the name of her husband and is henceforth a member of his family. I don't think I owe you any responsibilities as a daughter since the day you made it clear I would be cut from you." she spoke strictly, although her finger had pressed the button three times by now and she prayed to get a response from the guards soon.

The old man's eyes suddenly turned confused. "You're still married to that asshole? Or did he die and you gain his assets?"

"Excuse me?" she asked angrily, but also confused as their eyes met in a silent stare.

After a short pause, her father scoffed. "You're telling me he allowed you all this?" he waved his arm around the office. "Are you just a cover up name for his secret operation or something? Because there is no way you are running this yourself."

Her blood boiled, and after the fifth push of the button she stood up hastily, glaring at the man. "I'll have you know I wasn't allowed anything. I worked hard for what I achieved here, and he may have helped me pursue it but that's it. He was the most support I've ever had from anyone in my life. And no this isn't some cover up for him, it is my legitimate business that I plan and run." she felt anger coursing through her blood, her head almost hurting from how mad she felt.

The old man laughed ridiculously, when suddenly he looked back at her and walked around the desk to her side. "It's good that you're so naive and stupid, you won't be a problematic wife disturbing your husband so much."

Before she could speak, the door burst open, and two of Yuta's men barged in and shielded Sooyoung away from her father. But much to her insecurity, she saw his final laugh.

"You're just like any other woman in our world, you won't survive without your husband. And all this business of yours is nothing but a facade to get you to trust him and help him hide what he does." one of the guards sneered and stepped towards the old man, who glared back before quickly walking out, leaving Sooyoung sinking into her chair as her brain became fuzzy.

> 

Sooyoung went to bed earlier than usual, still thinking about the interaction earlier that afternoon. She laid on her side facing away from Yuta's place, when the bed dipped behind her and a hand rubbed up and down her arm.

"Sweetheart." she hummed softly in response as her husband laid down and hugged her from behind, his arm grabbing around her waist and pulling her into his chest. "What bothers you? You're so stiff." he nuzzled into her neck, laying soft kisses.

Sooyoung thought about whether she should tell him. She knew he'd find out eventually from the guards, but didn't feel the need to bother him about it unnecessarily.

But her father's words taunted her no matter how much she didn't believe it.

All this business of yours is nothing but a facade to get you to trust him and help him hide what he does...

Her hand found his over her stomach, grabbing hold of it tightly. "Yuta." she felt him remove himself from her neck and turn her around, a serious look on his face the moment she called his real name. She almost bit her bottom lip nervously, but stopped herself before continuing. "My dad... came in today, at work."

Yuta's eyes widened, a slight glint of anger visible as she continued telling him about the old man's rude interaction with her. He turned her completely to himself and held her close to his chest, taking deep breaths to calm himself at the mere idea that someone behaved this way to his wife.

Once she reached the end however, she hesitated to be truthful. What if it creates issues? What if he feels offended?

Or what if it was all true?

"Yuta..." she softly called, eyes down staring at his chest. "Is my business just a facade for you?"

Yuta pulled away, looking down at her confused. "Facade? As in... a cover up? What for?" she saw the genuine confusion in his eyes, and felt a tinge of guilt for bringing up the topic. She looked away, when he suddenly cupped her face and pushed her to look directly at him. "Sweetheart, be honest with me." his tone was soft, though his eyes were strict.

Sighing, Sooyoung moved closer into his chest, tracing a finger over his skin. "He kept saying it’s impossible I'm running a business by myself as a wife in the mafia... he said you're only allowing me to do it to use it as a cover up for something you're doing."

"My sweet wife." he suddenly sighed, grabbing her tighter in his arms, her ear against his chest. "I wish I could protect you from all the nasty people in this world." he laid severely kisses in her hair before resting his chin on top. "I will send extra security in your workplace, no objections. He's standing real close on the line of breaking our contract by doing that, so if anything else happens, I won't let it slide."

>>> 

[fullserviceportland]

PDXblackout Resource Guide

Yet Another Resource Guide 2023 AUGUST 22 - 14:44 PST ...in no particular

Department of Human Services SNAP is going to be very key in getting the most out of this guide. You will need to apply for it if you haven't already, and make sure that you're in communication with DHS to keep your benefits active. The golden ticket we will be looking at is the benefits verification letter. You're going to need that.

Google Drive / Photos Create a Google account. Access http://drive.google.com and http://photos.google.com to bring up these tools I'm telling you about. Take pictures with your phone of any documents you possess which will be important in this undertaking. This includes and is not limited to a driver's license or state issued ID, social security card, birth certificate, Portland Rescue Mission ID, SNAP Benefits Verification Letter, meeting sheets, this method may not be for you, but consider it, since it worked and is working for me.

Oregon Health Plan If you see me with some nice headphones, it's because I pursued getting my insurance to pay for them. Flex funds are really useful, I'm still learning about them, I've seen people get an array of help from this one resource. OHP pays for my nicotine products, my medication, my doctor visits, my dental visits and no telling what else. Get. The. Free. Insurance.

Billie Olegard Dental Clinic I had a pretty severe dental issue and thought I was losing my teeth. In two appointments this dental clinic that is right next to the outpatient classes totally took care of it, didn't cost me anything out of pocket except my time and acceptance. It's still a dentist's office. Kelly the dental hygienist is awesome.

8x8 Richard Harris Building Laptops can be checked out from the case manager office. Supported housing is the basis of our programs, the Mentor Program and the 8x8 Community Program. My case manager and the other case managers have been pivotal in my success. We are able to receive mail. A form was filled out for me that guaranteed I had been homeless and I was able to go get my state ID made with just my birth certificate for free, I got that at the 8x8. If you have a supported housing apartment, use it.

Central City Concern Recovery Center Stephanie and Anthony have teamed up to do some really awesome stuff for me. It's really important to learn how to show up for our schedules on time, reducing tardiness is part of reintegrating back into a standard level of society.

NARCAN Nasal spray NARCAN is available for free through Old Town Clinic and other agencies. Normally it takes about four of them to work, so if you're going to use them, use a lot of them! The NARCAN training video is on YouTube. Watch it several times if you plan to use NARCAN. It's important to follow all the instructions!

Blanchet House Free meals, hygiene items, peer support.

Portland Rescue Mission Free meals, socks, but most importantly they will make an ID card for you on the spot even in the middle of the night. I got mine while I was still using and I've still got it to this day. It will have your picture and name on it. Not many questions asked. It meant a lot to me and I was able to pick up prescriptions with it. You will need this specific ID when you receive services from PRM.

Union Gospel Mission I stayed at UGM's LifeChange program for a total of about two weeks. I didn't stay, but I've stayed tied in with those guys and they're on my side. They also offer free food services throughout the week.

St. Andre Free food, fill out a form get a food box, Father Tom prayed with me when my grandmother was passing away, genuine people, good coffee.

TRIMET Requires ID, SNAP benefits letter. Take the required documents to the TRIMET office at Pioneer Square and ask for an Honored Citizen pass. They will take your picture and probably give you the rest of the month for free. You can ride all the bus lines, the MAX and the streetcar with this pass. It is absolutely essential if you're starting completely over like I have.

Transitional Projects Showers, mail services, laundry, and to me the most important aspect was that they made me an ID specific to TPI services. I haven't been to TPI since I got clean, but they did matter in my addiction. They also offer a locker service but I never really used it.

RentWell Online class usually takes 6 to 8 weeks, I was done with the coursework in 4 days. They help you get and keep housing and teach you about tenant law! Now I have a RentWell case manager.

Community Volunteer Corps Take advantage of the opportunity to participate in CVC. It is my opinion that the point of CVC is to leave for work sober, be productive and give back, then come back, together, still sober. Work together, make it fun, and be on time. The reference letters are different for everyone. Don't cheat the system.

Employment Access Center The EAC is providing services to me for the next two years according to Will, my EAC worker. They've helped people get shoes, clothing, cell phones, bills paid, and more. My first day with them they helped me get signed up on iMatch through Oregon Works and although I have a different resume prepared, we created a new one, too. We're going to be working on cover letters and figuring out what my goals are and actually achieving them.

Nike BIKETOWN Access for All The Nike bikes are still free at the time of writing this. Just upload your benefits verification letter to their Access for All page and fill it out, creating an account, all that goodness.

Multnomah County Library, Kenton and Hollywood Locations https://multcolib.org/services The library offers a tech lending program that at the time of writing this just sent me a laptop and a mobile hotspot. It takes a while to get the equipment, but you can apply for free. Do you have a library card? It's crucial. I got mine made, originally, with my Portland Rescue Mission ID card! Free printing services are offered, which I used to print off the standard readings for Brothas and Get Your Fix. I've also used it to print off stuff I wanted to read like free stuff listings on Craigslist, song lyrics, and education information.

William Temple House Their food bank is still a huge asset for me, and if you've never had them then on Tuesday morning, if you're first, they'll give you a total of twenty five dollars in vouchers to their thrift store, but the most important service I've received from WTH has been from Emily, where she signed me up using their address for a year long HOP card pass. You've gotta have a HOP card with the Honored Citizen.

MHACBO While pursuing a certification, I found the oral health training and other online classes. I accomplished something by doing this, and earned a continuing education credit.

TextNow When I first got here all I had was a phone that I wasn't the original owner of, and it couldn't get service. Thanks to Wi-Fi and TextNow, I was able to send text messages, make phones, and have a phone number for free. There are advertisements built in.

211 I've called 211 several times especially recently, they provide me with an operator who's entire job is based around helping people get in touch with the resources they need.

Old Town Clinic Get a primary care physician, get nicotine replacement, be honest about your medical conditions. I always double check with my case manager if I'm going to miss something, but he always tells me that medical appointments are a solid reason to miss check-in.

Social Security Administration There was totally some police type activity when I went up there, but everything went fine overall. It was a little stressful, they asked me to take my shoes off, but it didn't cost me anything and I made it out without confrontation. They gave me a piece of paper that day which would let me get a job, and my social security card was in the mail about a week later.

Right 2 Dream 2 This is a homeless shelter beside the Yellow Line MAX at the Moda Center. The table there and the fridge there sometimes contains food. I stayed there the night before I went to Hooper. The higher ups there like recovery, feel free to check the fridge.

Cash App Functions as a bank account, easy to transfer funds, free debit card.

Chime Functions as a bank account, free debit card.

Alano Club of Portland Recovery meetings every single day without regular exception. 909 NW 24th Avenue

Sunshine Division My first day at the 8x8, Michael went and got me a food box from Sunshine Division. At the time of writing this, I went and got one today, too. Good solid consistent resource. You're not going to feed an army with a food box from Sunshine Division, but it's worthwhile.

Affordable Connectivity Plan Government assistance for individuals that qualify, that provides us with free phones and phone service. Free phones and service can be obtained from Assurance Wireless, Excess Telecom, and Cricket Wireless.

CCC ROC Clothing closet, ask a mentor or case manager about it.

Salvation Army on Killingsworth Awesome food bank, has a clothing closet too.

DoorDash At the time of writing this, DoorDash is my only employer. I was so excited when my background check came back fine. It took a while to get accepted, but I've been able to pay for things by delivering DoorDash orders. I've used my personal Trek bicycle, Lime scooters, Spin scooters, and mostly the Nike BIKETOWN bikes to deliver orders.

Home Forward Housing vouchers are a thing out there, so when the wait list opens up, apply. Sometimes they bump people up on the wait list based on their situations.

Alcoholics / Narcotics Anonymous There's a hotline we can call for all the different areas. Going to meetings, working the steps, living a life in recovery, has been the cornerstone of keeping me clean. I have a couple different apps on my phone, but there's one each of AA and NA that helps me find meetings based on criteria and location.

Nicotine Gum I smoked as many cigarettes as I could when I first got here. I still smoke, but I smoke a lot less than I did. Nicotine products have been a huge part of that, and OHP pays for it.

Bombas Free socks.

BottleDrop Whether your coping strategy is to take a sober friend with you, wearing headphones, or something else, have a serious and well enforced plan in effect if you plan to turn in cans and bottles in Portland. There's people smoking fentanyl everywhere, people trying to sell drugs, people walking around naked, it's insanity. I've walked out of the line and left my cans a couple times or more. Also if you aren't careful they will make your room stink. Anyways, Rite Aid and Whole Foods accept cans, and the BottleDrop at Delta Park is my personal favorite, but the one at 122nd has a machine that counts them for us, we just pour them out on a conveyor belt and it's kind of cool to watch. It isn't pretty, but this is how I paid for a lot of stuff while I've been here.

DMV2U Input your identifying information and become able to set DMV appointments.

Lynn on the 7th floor She's been giving me free tobacco since I got here. This could end at anytime and she would be at no fault, she is an angel for doing this and you are not guaranteed anything. At the time of writing this the free tobacco and papers hours are 1100 to 2000, or 11 a.m. to 8 p.m., please do not harass her, but she will help you.

Dollar Tree Affordable food, locations are convenient, sells can openers although they break, sells batteries, accepts food stamps, sells ramen noodles.

Goodwill Bins Buy electronics and other goods by the pound. Grab bags of hygiene supplies for around ten dollars a bag. Easily get a hundred bucks worth of hygiene stuff for ten bucks.

Straightway Services Located on Vancouver way, food bank service on Wednesdays.

Project 529 Register your bicycle with pictures and serial number and description, get a certificate of registration. Check the serial number of bicycles to see if they are reported stolen within the system.

SOLVE I signed up to be an event leader for Stop Oregon Litter and Vandalism when I first got here and the date snuck up on me, then I had to actually go do the event. We didn't do it again after that but we had a great time and the event was a success. It's part of my resume now.

Elevate HIM

Nonprofit organization that helps prevent suicide in men by equipping them with proper clothing starting with a suit!

[studiojeon]

bitterness in goodbye | jjk

this is part of my troubled outsiders series. sadly, you can't read this as a stand alone (meaning: feel free to check the previous parts ♡)

| summary | - You can’t help but feel a little sad when Jungkook doesn’t refrain from cuddling your arm after pleading to forgive him. You wish you could cuddle him instead, that he would lay his head on your chest as you play with his soft hair, but you recognize there are some things you just can’t have.

warnings: none (?) i mean chaeryeong insults jungkook which is an atrocity in itself but-

contents: we diving into the angst my friends. jungkook is an innocent, kind hearted soul, i promise. oc's got the feels (out oct. 1) for jk. idol!jungkook × student!reader.

author's note: I EDITTED THIS FROM MY PHONE DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW FUCKING ANNOYING THAT IS? also, thank u for the amount of support i've been receiving lately, i appreciate everyone lots. feel free to ask away or suggest anything btw, i would love to write for any prompts you guys come up with. 💞💗💖💘💓💕

words: 1.57k

playlist: honey by halsey

Four weeks later, the receptionist of your apartment complex hands you over a cardboard box with the hoodie Jungkook and you had talked about that day on the Han River. Jungkook kept pestering you to please please please send him your address for confidential purposes, which you knew had to do with his determination to literally provide anything that catches your eye right away. You assumed it was a sensitive topic for the boy whether people had purposefully taken advantage of his money before, so you didn’t dare to say anything when the man asked you for your size literally two hours after he dropped you off, scared to either reject his solidare intentions or piss him off for bringing unwanted memories back. In  your defense, your personality type keeps oscillating between INFP and INFJ so it’s only natural that you take extra care to make sure those around you have as much peace of mind as possible in your presence. 

As pretty and comfortable the piece of soft clothing is, an important factor is missing, something that you can’t recreate buying two of the same size and color, and that is Jungkook's escence and how good it looks on him in comparison to anyone else in the world. Meaning, you didn’t like it as much as you thought initially would. And it absolutely did not have to do with the fact that your short stature made you look like a toddler who stole their dad’s jacket.

Still, in order to show Jungkook how much you appreciate his gift, you bring it to work the next day, and the rest of the days after that, with the excuse that with winter rolling around you needed something to keep you warm in the office. Jungkook doesn’t miss the opportunity to confirm your assumptions regarding your appearance whenever he barges into your office randomly throughout the week, arguing that ”you look so adorable” and doesn’t stop for two weeks more, until he gets used to seeing you wearing something you shared with him. Which doesn’t help ease your growing romantic feelings for him whatsoever.

Because yeah, you liked Jeon Jungkook, just like every human being with eyes and sexual desires, except, you didn’t just like him in a superficial way, and that’s where the problem with him resides. Though you are sure everyone has fallen in love with the endearing boy at some point - especially the excluded and invalidated women of society - you can’t help but place some blame on you for allowing yourself to be swooned so goddamn easily. Your mom had said to you at some point to be wary of the way some men would talk to you when you grew up, their intention usually being getting inside your pants, which has happened to you more times than you'd like to admit. And with the argument that she knew you better than anyone, she claimed you would comply right the second someone talked sweet to you; you despised the fact that was the case with Jungkook (and Jungkook only), although he had never shown any sexual innuendos. What your feelings could do to your relationship with Jungkook and your rather chill lifestyle scared you to death, shiver me timbers and all that shit, having romantic feelings for someone else is embarrassing, especially when your chance with them has been scratched out the second you laid eyes on them.

Jungkook sits on your couch, legs spread on your thighs as you two pretend to watch some series on netflix. “I don’t buy for a second the act you’re putting on right now.” he speaks randomly after staring at your deep-in-thought state for a few minutes and laughs when you snap at him for not letting you overthink in peace. “What’s going on?”

Truth is, you don’t fucking know. A few hours before he arrived at your place (you had to pick him up at the dorm and sneak the both of you through the subterranean parking lot, because god forbid someone saw Jungkook arriving at some chick’s dorm on a saturday afternoon) you swore you would be able to conceal whatever emotional turmoil you had going inside of you without compromising your regular behaviour around the man, but when push comes to shove, it’s impossible to keep yourself from wondering how far you could go before that special someone found out what was going on inside of your head.

Jungkook’s phone rings in his pocket with some annoying tone he had downloaded illegally from youtube the same day the company had handed over the device as a gift for him (you still were a little bitter over how they neglected the rest of the staff but you also knew it was kind of impossible for the human kind to just gift a-thousand-dollar-phones to almost five hundred people out of solidarity). “Hyung?” he picks up, still wary of your unusual behaviour, concerned eyes looking at you. “No, uh- i’m with Yugyeom right now.” and your heart shatters into a million pieces.

You have been suspecting for a while that Jungkook is being hesitant to introduce you to his social circle. Although, you’ve tried your best not to take it personal, it is getting harder to resist the urge to ask him what the fuck is up with that. The fact that Jungkook had to lie about the person he was hanging out with broke your ego; he could’ve just said he was with a friend, right? You suddenly feel like you’re fifteen again, when the guy you liked would love you in the dark but pretend he didn’t know you in the light. 

Holding your tears back, you gently push him off and make your way towards the bathroom in the most nonchalant way you could. This is your fault for falling for the nice popular guy in the first place, you remind the reflection staring back at you. Still, as bad as it hurt, there was no way you were going to cry over a stupid boy, let alone when he was literally sat on the next room. He can go fuck himself if he thinks he can just toss this behind as if nothing ever happened.

You text Chaeryeong instead.

“chaery bom bom: i swear to god i gonna throw hands the next time i see the bitch.

chaery bom bom: like who the hell does he think he is? fucking squidward looking asshole.

chaery bom bom: he ain’t even that cute bub, you’ll get over him. i know jinyoung wouldn’t treat you like this”

You sigh. Chaeryeong has been enamored with the idea of you and his former company colleague from GOT7 since the day she met the guy (which was somewhere around ten years ago), and although he was all that, you didn’t like his quiet and cold aura, it intimidated the fuck out of you (Jungkook was the entire opposite of that).

You spray on some perfume just to have an excuse as to why you randomly ran to the bathroom when Jungkook’s inquiring eyes stare as you sit back on the couch, which is exactly what he does. “You done with your call?” you ask, bitter.

Jungkook frowns, a bit taken aback by the sudden question but still unaware of the way his words had made you feel, not even sensing the hostile change in your mood. “Yes, it was one of our managers. He was wondering if I could come back to reshoot some...-thing.”

Okay, now you kind of understand as to why he lied in the first place and to say you feel guilty is an understatement. “I supposed he backed down once you mentioned you were hanging out with Yugyeom.” playfulness makes its appearance on your tone and Jungkook rolls his eyes at you, tongue poking on the inside of his slightly red cheeks.

“Sorry for that” he moves closer and cuddles your arm, like a sad guilty puppy. “It’s just- I don’t want them asking questions''.

You understand. He is a very reserved and private person after all. It took you a bit to crack him open yourself. Plus, you kind of share that trait with him, you’d hate it too if people were constantly on your nerves for the people you decide to hang out with. 

And that’s all it takes to forgive him. Not very cash money of you.

“You better not pull that shit again, though” you shift in his hold and he looks up at you. One look into your eyes and he knows what you mean. “I’ll kick you out.”

After nodding, Jungkook resumes his concentration on the series you picked out for him. Due to your short attention span, you are very picky about what you invest your time in, especifically with audiovisual pieces of media, so Jungkook trusts you whenever you recommend something on very rare occasions. As a matter of fact, Jungkook was busy attacking your kitchen counters for snacks (which you didn’t have) when you mentioned Money Heist. “Munch on some grapes instead” you suggested to soothe his disappointment.

You can’t help but feel a little sad when Jungkook doesn’t refrain from cuddling your arm after pleading to forgive him. You wish you could cuddle him instead, that he would lay his head on your chest as you play with his soft hair, but you recognize there are some things you just can’t have.

[artoni-arts]

sparks in the ashes; chapter 14 [end of arc]

previous . index . next

what u should know;

@tiesthatbind-tf verse, quintesson-era [late 1920s]

cw; more acute stress disorder/handling thereof, cliffhanger

Thanks for joining me on this ride, guys. I've got a viginette planed for Monday - a little short thing - and then I'm gonna take a break. Arc 2 *is* in the works, but I want to have a buffer and make sure I have momentum before I start posting it.

♥

---------------------------

Still uncomfortable with crowds - especially ones torn between heralding him as a hero for coming out of the Spire alive, and villainizing him for the monstrous surge in Quintesson activity up above - Victor stayed with Pravda and Aillard for another night before Magnes was able to make room next to them. At that point, Sadie took it upon herself to 'move in' as well, and was nearly inseparable from his side. The three boys took turns accompanying Victor as well, his own little bodyguards, though Joel and Simon were just as often with Magnes or some of the other ranked rebels. They were happy to talk about their experiences, and, in Joel's case, showcasing his abilities. 

Once or twice, however, Victor awoke to hushed voices that were clearly trying to stay quiet. When he opened his eyes and met one of the boys' sheepish gazes, he merely made room before patting the bedroll next to him.

Despite the resilience of youth, the stint in captivity had clearly left its mark on the boys. Victor's heart went out to them both, and he offered what support he was able. Others did so as well, the Underground having its own share of those who had been modified by the Quintessons and more or less having adopted the boys as their own...though no one's modifications were so extreme as Joel's, or 'Jolt' as they nicknamed him. Much less Victor's own.

It was clear Magnes wanted to make use of both as much as he could. Indeed, Victor got the distinct impression he was holding himself back from outright demanding it by the fact he was more preoccupied with Primus, and whether or not the liberated creation would somehow endanger them all. But Primus - who more or less kept to Pravda and Aillard's little section, for despite their clear curiosity they knew that most humans would have difficulty accepting them as they were - seemed unable to take offense, and, indeed, soothed the ruffled feathers of Pravda and Aillard when their friends all but surged to their defense.

It would have been a little funny, if Victor wasn't himself preoccupied with the fallout from all that he'd done.

He'd shared his own story, of course. All of them had spent time in Magnes's new office (which seemed to actually have been an office at one point, if only for ticketing), often with someone else as a means of support. If Magnes was irritated by the additional presences, he showed no sign; he was surprisingly professional with the debriefs, taking notes and asking specific questions - what did they call the project? You said it had more than one face, could you describe them? Draw them?

And he flat out gawked when Victor brought up his encounter with the Judge. It was clear he knew the weight of the title, and as Victor gazed down at his hands, relating the encounter in an emotionless voice - Magnes abruptly called a halt to the debrief, getting to his feet.

"We'll pick it up tomorrow. Christ and his Apostles, a Judge," he hissed, running a hand through his shaggy dark hair. "No wonder the streets are still a no-man's-land. Prentiss, if you somehow managed to kill it, those bloody bastards won't stop until they find you."

"If he goes, we go," Pravda said evenly, having been the one to accompany him this time. 

Magnes waved her off with an irritated growl. "I didn't say you had to leave, just- forget it. Get out of here, calm him down." 

And he wasn't mistaken with that order; Victor's eyes were shut tight as he focused on breathing steadily, something Primus had worked out with him to help from falling into a panic. It helped, some, but he was still grateful for Pravda's help and ushering him out (though, had Magnes called a halt because he'd noticed Victor was becoming upset? If so, it was oddly considerate). As he opened his eyes while they began to walk, he caught sight of Sadie moving to his other side, a smaller mirror of Pravda to offer him support. 

"Your room, or ours?" Pravda asked him, and he had to think for a moment. She and Aillard often phrased their questions to him in such a way, giving him a clear choice rather than something open-ended where he had to find words, but they welcomed a 'neither' answer as much as anything else.

This time, though? "Mine." A squeeze to Sadie's hand reassured the girl that her presence would be welcomed, and Pravda didn't even ask about her own. Instead she made a noise of affirmation as they moved through to where the other rebels had set up their sleeping areas. Only a handful had any actual privacy - Aillard and Pravda kept theirs out of a need to keep Primus away from others' eyes, and Victor, well.

Apparently, Victor had earned his. 

Pravda guided him in, and while she hesitated to leave, Victor had shown vast improvement since he had first arrived; she finally left with a, "Find me if you need help," that was as much to Sadie as to him. The girl nodded with a small smile, waving as Pravda went back through the curtain, and then focused her attention on Victor - who had laid himself down on the fabrics that served as a bedroll, draping an arm over his face with a heavy sigh.

"Are you- do you want a drink?" she asked, as ready to help as a squire to a knight. Victor chuckled wryly at the mental image - from what Pravda had said, she certainly wielded that baton of his like a sword - and decided that yes, he could do with something or other.

"Just water, if you don't mind." He could hear her move about, and focused on the sounds lest his mind fell into a spiral. As much as he wanted to reach for the comforting pulse of the world around him, its slow but steady movement, focusing on that too much brought a reminder of floating in that strange between-place. He wasn't certain if he was ready to talk much about that, and dreaded the point in the conversations when they arrived there. For the more he thought about it, the more he wondered about those black holes Primus had mentioned, wondered about the other test subjects who had merely taken shelter during the fight, wondered about them being drawn into a relentless void…

But that hadn't been a void, had it…?

"Here you go." 

He pushed himself up with a brief sigh, accepting the chipped mug offered to him. "Thank you, dear," he said, much to Sadie's clear delight. She was still clearly worried, though, and sat down next to him with a cup of her own.

"I'm glad you're back," she admitted, as if it wasn't already clear as day. It brought a chuckle from Victor nonetheless, and he ruffled her hair fondly.

"I'm glad to be out of there," he agreed. "And I'd be glad to never go back."

Sadie nodded. "Joel'n Simon said the same," she said, before making a face. "You'n I both know that even though Joel puts on a brave face with his new powers, he gets scared at night if he thinks he's alone." 

Victor nodded, thinking back to the previous night. All four children had stuffed themselves in here with him, which made it rather tight, but it was an odd comfort to fall asleep to their breathing. "A good thing, then, he isn't alone."

"...what about you?"

"Mm?" He paused with the cup at his lips, not quite understanding.

Sadie gave him a sideways look, mostly pointed towards the curtain. "I know Miss Pravda and Monsieur Aillard are helping you, and so's Primus," and there was a bit of a scrunched-up face, because even she was a little wary of the creation despite the two boys clearly regarding them as a friend, "But...I see how you kind of look away, sometimes. Like you're listening to something."

The pulse of the world...he let out a slow breath, wondering if he even could put it into words, much less if he wanted to. "...it was a strange time, Sadie," he finally said. "I'm still trying to understand much of it, myself."

"Does talking help?" "Sometimes." He took another sip. "Sometimes, it makes me feel like I'm back there," he admitted. "The boys had it harder, though." "No, they didn't." Sadie's voice was so certain that he looked at her in surprise. "They just had it different. Just 'coz you had a 'nice' squiddie doesn't mean they were any less mean." 

Victor blinked at her - he hadn't mentioned Inquirata to her, but then realized. "You've been listening in," he sighed, which had Sadie raise her chin in that defiant way of hers. She didn't have to say as much - the gesture was confirmation enough - though he did scold, "You know those are private."

"Maybe, but how'm I supposed to help if I don't know?" she countered. "Maybe I don't need to know everything, but it's not fair if you keep me out!" Her grip on the cup tightened, and Victor pressed his lips together before letting out another breath. But before he could answer, she added a final nail to his heart: "I just...I feel like you're not really back, like part'f you's still there, and I wanna help."

There was silence for a long few moments as Victor considered the words. Perhaps there was, indeed, part of his soul still trapped, and if there was a way for him to retrieve it he did not know. But his arm moved after a few more moments, wrapping around Sadie and drawing her close in a gesture she did not resist.

"I don't mean to keep you out," he began quietly, acknowledging her upset. She made a little 'mmm' in reply, so he continued. "But please understand, this is still...it's all very fresh for me, like a wound I'm just now able to treat." Unconsciously, his gaze fell to his forearm, where only a few thin white lines suggested there had been any recent injury. "It's best that it stays covered and protected, with those who know how to tend it, tending it. Rather than everyone else poking and prodding." Such was one of the reasons Magnes was the only one of the Underground to whom he was telling his tale; if Magnes wanted to share the information further, he could, but even he was second in detail to the likes of Aillard and Pravda who had their own first-hand experiences to compare.

Sadie was quiet for a few moments of her own before it was her turn to sigh, leaning against him. "I guess," she said sullenly. "But it's not fun being useless."

"You're not useless."

It was her turn to look up at him with a bit of a frown, and he reached down to tuck a bit of her hair back behind her headband. "Putting aside all the stories of what help you've been to others, while I've been gone - I thought of you, often. It helped to remind me why I needed to come back out - after all, I'd made you a promise, hadn't I?" His lips quirked up in a wry smile, but to his relief, Sadie mirrored it with one of her own.

"Then promise me you're gonna get better." There was that familiar impish look, as if she'd found some sort of loophole to trap him in. And Victor, despite himself, chuckled. "That you're not gonna give up."

"I'll do my best," he assured her, patting her head. "I can promise you that much, at least." 

"And that you'll take me somewhere nice, when you feel better."

That brought him a laugh, and he gave her a friendly nudge as she giggled in response. "Somewhere 'nice', you say?" he pressed. "I could take you to my old school, if it's still standing, that was a nice place." At her expression, he grinned. "Or maybe-"

"-somewhere I'd think is nice!" she interrupted, returning his nudge with a shove. Not that she was very strong, but he laughed nonetheless, falling back on an arm as a few drops of water splashed out of his cup. "Somewhere amazing!" "Amazing, hmm?" He thought for a few moments, and then - of all places - the strange not-space. For now that he reconsidered, he was starting to doubt that it was, in fact, a black hole. It wasn't at all how Primus had described, a great heavy place collapsing in on itself and drawing the world with it - no, he thought, remembering how light he had felt within. It was almost…

...almost pleasant, actually, compared to the chaos that had occurred just before.

Sadie's voice cut into his thoughts, sounding sad. "You have that look again."  

Victor blinked, pulling himself back to here and now. Except, wasn't that space here and now, too?... "I'm sorry," he said ruefully. "I was just...thinking of a place that maybe I could show you one day. Maybe," he repeated, seeing the light in her eyes. "If I can confirm it's not dangerous."

"Really?" She practically glowed with delight, and, indeed, there was a subtle shine from her eyes that wasn't quite human. Or, all things considered - perhaps it was, for hadn't most humans gone through Quintesson tendrils at some point or another?

"Really," he agreed, finally deciding that no, the space he'd been in wasn't a black hole. Primus had said Rhisling had protections from such catastrophes, and, if it did turn out to be a hostile place, one from which he needed to escape? "Even if it is," Victor declared, meeting Sadie's eyes, "I have a safeguard of my own to guide me through."

For a moment, she seemed puzzled - and then, it clicked. She ducked her head, suddenly bashful, as Victor chuckled and resettled to finish the rest of his cup.

-----------------

It was a few more days before Victor was able to reach the end of his story, and all of them - Magnes, Pravda, Aillard, and Primus as well - were present when he described his experience within Rhisling itself. It was clear that if they hadn't seen Victor's abilities with their own eyes, all of them would have thought him mad - though Primus was, admittedly, pensive.

"Perhaps it was merely how your senses interpreted the space," they mused. "For all we know, you were experiencing a hyperdimemsion instead a temporal one, and even with your modifications you couldn't understand-" "Hell," Magnes interrupted, only briefly glancing at Primus, "if you don't understand, nobody will. What matters is you got out, and we've got a path to anywhere if we need it." It wasn't the first time he'd said such a thing, and as Pravda shot him a dark look, Victor rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"I don't think it's that easy," he said slowly. "While I'm willing to experiment with that space, I need far, far more practice before I can go 'anywhere' without having been there before." Magnes waved his hand to dismiss the concerns, but it was Aillard who spoke next.

"It may come into play sooner than you think. Magnes, did you not mention that the Quintessons are starting to probe into the tunnels?" At Magnes' nod, he looked towards Victor. "Would you perhaps help in a temporary evacuation? If the Quintessons find nothing, no sign at all because there are no signs to be found…" Magnes' brow furrowed as Victor first thought about it, then nodded. "I would need to be certain how long I could keep open the spacebridge, and it would take some time," he admitted. "But it would be...something I could do, once I knew where they were being taken. And I don't know anywhere safe." "Wouldn't be too difficult to send some scouts outside the city," Magnes mused. "Mina's been itching for a chance to stretch her wings, it'd do her good to be above ground for a change." Victor thought of the Beastman - Beastwoman? - he'd seen amongst the rebels, and nodded his agreement. "Once we find a place, Prentiss, we'll smuggle you to it, and have you open a path back to us. Worst case, if they find you on the way…" He shrugged. "Go into weird-space, and take the scouts with you. If you can survive, so can they." 

It was as solid a plan as one could get, though Victor grimaced at the thought of subjecting anyone else to the disorientating locale. "I suppose. I just hope we can find a place to shelter everyone." For even if he hadn't grown close to any of the Underground, he still felt, in a way, responsible for them - if only because he'd called such a storm down upon their heads.

Magnes flashed him a handsome grin. "Got all types with us. We'll be fine - biggest problem'll be cleaning up after ourselves and making it look like we were never here in the first place." Which they were already quite good at, in Vector's opinion, and so he only nodded once more.

"If you're planning on leaving London, then there is something you should know." While all heads turned towards Primus, Primus's gaze was solely on Victor. "I apologize for not bringing this up before, but I felt you had too much on your mind, already; I did not want to overwhelm you." "Overwhelm me?" asked a bewildered Victor.

"Yes. For you see, I was able to locate Scarlett."

[helloalycia]

alex WILL kick my arse // supergirl

summary: you learn that being supergirl's doctor came with its challenges

warning/s: none.

author's note: i’m lowkey posting a bunch of stuff that i posted on my wattpad a while ago lol

masterlist | wattpad

I was sat in the medical unit of the DEO, reading through some medical reports from the past few months. I had just transferred from the DEO's desert facility, where I was one of the doctors there to help with any of the agents' injuries. After a long time there, I decided to transfer here when there was an opening for the lead doctor.

I thought it would be best to settle in by having a look at what severe cases had been dealt with recently. It was usually the same stuff – agents injured on field missions. Bullet wounds, broken bones, sprained muscles, thankfully nothing too severe. There hadn't been many major alien attacks which meant less risky field operations.

I was pulled from the reports when the red alarm light began to flash for a few seconds, accompanied by a siren, before turning off.

"Agent Y/L/N, Supergirl is incoming with J'onn," my radio went off – it was Director Danvers. "She's had a solar flare and got a gunshot wound."

I recalled what a solar flare was from research I'd done in Supergirl's medical records. That was something I prioritised when coming here, since we didn't have Supergirl at the other facility.

"I'm prepping a bed and equipment now," I replied through the radio, before hurrying to do that. J'onn could literally fly, he'd be here any minute.

With the help of some nurses who were around, I prepped a bed and had the solar energy panels on standby for when/if her powers came back sooner than we thought. I had the tools ready to bandage up her gunshot wound temporarily when both heroes appeared beside me.

J'onn was stood there, holding Supergirl bridal style and lowering her onto the bed.

"Still getting used to that," I mumbled, surprised at how he just sped in here.

"I said I'm– agh, I'm fine," Supergirl complained, clutching her bloody wound and trying to sit up. "My powers will come back."

I stepped by her bedside and pushed her back down gently, moving closer to inspect her wound. "Please stay still for a second."

"Listen to the doctor," J'onn teased to lighten the mood.

Supergirl rolled her eyes and stayed still. I removed her hand and noticed it was covered in blood.

"Can somebody come clean this up?" I called out to one of the nurses, motioning to her hand.

One of the nurses did as I asked as I took a look at her wound. The bullet was still in there by the looks of it.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to overwork yourself?!" Director Danvers' voice called out as she walked in.

She was glaring at Supergirl, though the worry in her eyes was evident as she took in the hero's appearance.

"It's barely a scratch, Alex, it'll heal," Supergirl said dismissively, but as I cleaned up the blood with a cloth, I saw her clench her jaw a little.

"You need to be careful, you're not indestructible," Alex reminded her, before looking to J'onn. "Can you believe her?"

J'onn chuckled. "I'll leave you both to it. I should get back." He glanced at me. "Good luck."

I nodded his way, offering a small smile as he walked away.

"As fun as it is watching you both glare at each other, I do need to remove the bullet," I spoke up, interrupting both girls' staring contest.

"Go for it," Supergirl said, her eyes meeting mine.

"With anaesthetic," Alex added, shooting another glare towards the blonde.

"I don't need anaesthetic," Supergirl countered with an eye-roll and scoff.

"You're human for the time being, remember?" Alex reminded her before looking to me. "Anaesthetic, please."

I bit my lower lip as they erupted into another argument about how I should proceed. I didn't know either of them well enough to cut in, so I stood there awkwardly, trying to stop the blood loss and planning out how I could temporarily bandage her up so it could heal itself when she gets her powers back.

"I have to go," Alex finally said, pulling me back into reality. "I have to check on the bank robbery." She didn't seem too happy leaving Supergirl here, but she gave her a knowing look before looking to me. "Please make sure she stays put?"

"You got it, Director," I said with a playful salute. How hard could it be to keep her here?

Alex gave Supergirl one last warning look before leaving us be. I looked to the blonde who was finally breathing out, letting her guard down a little now that it was just us.

"The anaesthetic will make it bearable, just so I can remove the bullet," I spoke, causing her to open her eyes and look at me. "I'm just gonna bandage you up temporarily and you'll heal yourself when you get your powers back. Shouldn't be more than a few days, according to your medical history."

She swallowed hard before shaking her head. "I've been through much worse. It's okay. Just remove it and bandage me up. The sooner I'm out of here, the better."

I was ready to argue, but she gave me a convincing look and I couldn't help but give in.

"Fine, but you stay here and rest," I reasoned, to which she gave me a small, cute smile.

I got to work and surprisingly, she managed. It went well and I managed to bandage her up quite quickly, though it did mean I had to cut into her suit a little. Better safe than sorry though.

"Okay, you're all done," I said, patting her arm supportively, before packing away the gauze. "I'm gonna go get you some water and then you should take it easy, stay here maybe until you get your powers back. That alright?"

She gave me a thumbs up and a promising smile. "You got it, doc."

I was fairly confident that she would listen to me, since she seemed polite and was a trooper throughout the whole thing. However, I soon realised how naive I had been when I returned and her bed was empty.

I facepalmed and shook my head, realising she'd definitely played along the whole time.

The first thing I did was look around the DEO, asking around if anyone had seen Supergirl. I eventually followed the commotion coming from the main hall and spotted both Supergirl and Director Danvers having an argument.

"...stay and rest! You can't keep ignoring simple instructions, Kara!" Alex shouted around her.

Supergirl rolled her eyes and continued to look at the tablet in her hand. I approached the two and cleared my throat loudly to get the blonde's attention.

When she noticed me, she gave me a sheepish smile. "Doctor Y/L/N. Heeeeeeey."

"One job, literally," Alex mumbled, giving me a knowing look, before storming off.

I breathed out and glared at Supergirl. "Are you serious? I asked you to stay put!"

She straightened up and spread her arms out for emphasis. "But I'm fine! See? Nothing hurts, I'm walking, it's all good! Job well done, I must say. You're new, right? Well, I know why you got the job!"

She avoided my glare as she walked around me to get to the other side of the desk.

"You've heard of the term 'first impressions count', haven't you?" I asked her, raising an eyebrow.

She gave me a knowing look. "C'mon. You can't hate me for this."

I sighed. "I've got work to do. Call me if you tear your stitches."

Resisting the urge to roll my eyes, I turned around and began to leave.

"I'm not gonna tear them!" I heard her call out from behind me, but I didn't care. I wasn't her parent, she could do what she wanted.

I wish I'd known I was dealing with a stubborn Super before accepting this job though.

–

"What a surprise," I said sarcastically.

A few hours later, I'd been called into one of the medical rooms because apparently, Supergirl had collapsed from blood loss and tore her stitches. Shocker.

"Is she going to be okay?" Alex asked as I got to work for the second time that day.

"Yeah, if she decides to listen to me this time," I said, sighing. "Is she always this stubborn?"

Alex clenched her jaw. "Unfortunately, yes... you think you can keep her here next time?"

"I'll give it my best shot," I promised her. "I'll call you when she's up?"

Alex nodded, patting me on the shoulder. "Thanks."

She left me to do my thing and this time I did things my way, the right way, with anaesthetic and IV fluid. I managed to sort out Supergirl's mess before going back to my office to fill out some more paperwork.

Some time passed when I found myself going back to check on Supergirl and see if she was awake. I was cleaning up a little around her side table when I heard her stir awake. She seemed confused at first, as she looked around and saw the tube coming from her arm. Eventually, realisation set in and she sank into her pillow.

I decided to stay quiet as I finished up, about to leave, but she stopped me.

"Wait," she called out. I paused as she continued, "I'm sorry."

I turned around and waited, watching as, unlike before, she wasn't joking or being unserious.

"I should have stayed put before. And listened to you. I didn't mean to offend you or come across as rude," she continued genuinely.

I crossed my arms and straightened up. "Well, Supergirl–"

"Kara," she interrupted. "It's Kara."

I nodded. "Okay, Kara. Yes, you probably should have listened. I redid your stitches and I'm asking you to stay put again. You're human for now and you need to act like one."

"You're right," she agreed, breathing out. "Sorry."

I realised that she seemed to mean it and at the end of the day, I was her doctor, so I couldn't hold a grudge. Instead, I went to her bedside and checked her monitors to see how she was doing.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, glancing at her.

"Tired. Achey. But better than before."

"That'll be the meds kicking in," I said, giving her a reassuring smile. "I did have to get in there twice."

Her cheeks went pink as she smiled with embarrassment. "I'm not used to being so..."

"Fragile?" I finished for her.

"Exactly," she said, nodding. "I'm not used to it and staying put isn't exactly my forte."

"I could tell," I joked, making her laugh a little. She had a nice laugh.

"About that first impressions thing..." she began, blue eyes holding mine nervously.

"It's nice to meet you for the first time, Kara," I said, holding out my hand. "I'm Y/N. Your doctor."

She cracked a smile, realising what I was doing. She shook my hand and said, "Nice to meet you, too, Y/N."

"Okay, I should go and get Alex," I said, backing up to leave. "Now please don't leave because Alex will kick my arse if you're not here when she comes back."

She laughed again. "I promise I'll be here when you return."

"Fingers crossed you're not playing me again," I mumbled loud enough for her to hear.

Her laughter seemed to follow me out the room, leaving me smiling to myself.

[a-mended-pact]

Unsteady Keys: Chapter 9

A/n: Hey everyone. I hope you're all doing well. I'm pretty proud of this chapter. Please let me know what you think.

Warnings: this chapter does contain flashbacks, mentions of slightly toxic relationships. Mentions of Spencer's mom. Panic attacks. If there are anything more to add let me know

Requests are open

Word count : 3,024

It's been a couple of hours since we've gotten to work. I couldn't find Spencer anywhere. I needed to tell him that there was a lead on Lindsey due to Simmons giving Ethan a cognitive interview. I had called him a handful of times and gotten no answer.  Which is weird but with everything that's happened he has every right to have some alone time. I was still trying to call him when I found him in Morgan's old office. I don't know why I checked the cafeteria and the break room first. I felt myself facepalm as I looked around the room. 

He was in a daze and hadn't even noticed my presence until I moved myself into the floor across from him. I leaned against the desk for support as I looked up at him. He glanced at me and then looked away. The hand he was using to prop his head up seemed to tense. 

'You smell like mint and your cologne.' I said it with a small amount of amusement.  I knew he would change. It didn't bother me if anything. I'm surprised he even went to work with the smell of my essence laced into his skin and his breath. He nodded to acknowledge what I had said. 

'Love? Is everything alright?' He looked at me then and held my gaze. 'I know I said I'd talk to Ethan too but I can't seem to bring myself to. Seeing him for longer than a couple of hours has me remembering things with him so intensely.' 

A soft comforting smile formed on my face as I gently grabbed the hand that rested on his knee and squeezed. 'There's a lead on Lindsey.  I was going to leave with the rest of the team to go check it out. If you wanna stay here I can tell Em. Maybe you can get something more from Ethan. Then Matt did. ' I kissed his forehead gently.

Just like that. I left him to his own devices letting him figure everything out for himself.  I was gonna need to tell Em he wasn't coming.

-------------

I walked into the interrogation room with Ethan and undid his handcuffs immediately.  I didn't like seeing him like an unsub. So until further evidence came about I wasn't going to treat him as such. 

'You look like you've seen a ghost Reid.  What's wrong?' I looked at him as I stood against the wall. 'Did- did you?- ' I found myself stuttering and searching for words. My hands moved about as if I were trying to grasp each word that flew around my mind until it formed a sentence. How do you speak to someone that you haven't spoken to in years? Not in depth anyway. 

'You're a big hot shot Mr. FBI. Married, professor most likely with a couple books published or at least articles and yet you are still just the same man I adored back then.' He spoke with care and love in his voice as he watched my face blanch at what he said.

If it wasn't for the fact he has seen me this way before I would have been far more embarrassed then I was. My mouth was still opening and closing and my hands had finally stopped. 'Did you? Was it you? I- was it you that hurt me? With the blade?' 

I had finally managed to collect my words and form a complete sentence even if it was laced with fear and sorrow. I was terrified he'd say yes. I was even more petrified if he said no. If he hadn't done it then I'd have nothing to hold against him. 

There was no way I could remain upset about something that happened in college and it wouldn't make me seem like an upset child. I hadn't bothered to meet Ethan's eyes. I was honestly too afraid of what he'd see residing in my own. 

I didn't hear him move and I didn't notice how close he got until he spoke. Making me jump and look out of the two way glass. This was a bad idea. I need to get out of here. I feel like the room is shrinking. 

Ethan cupped my face and forced me to look at him. The fact that this was being recorded made me even more nervous. What if the rest of the team found out what happened between us.

I finally met his gaze. I knew my eyes probably reminded him of the first time he ever hurt me. This time had nothing to do with the kiss I walked in on years ago.

'Spencer.' As he spoke his thumb traced my jaw. 'I would never. I could never hurt you.' I laughed bitterly and flinched when his thumb met the side of my lips. 'This was a mistake. I - I need some fresh air'. I quickly rushed out, locking the door behind me. 

I blew out a breath I didn't realize I was holding within my lungs as I felt my breathing start to quicken. I made my way to the roof of the building that no one really used. I slid down the door as I made it fully outside.  

I watched as the sun began to set. The sky turned different colors until emerging me in full darkness besides for the buildings lights I closed my eyes. Why do I feel like a young adult all over again? Why am I letting him get under my skin? The worst part was that he isn't even trying to make me feel like this.

One minute I was on the rooftop the next I was in the band room of our college laying on the ground with my head resting on Ethan's jacket as he played the piano.

'I could fall asleep to the sound of you playing. You know.' I said as each key played from his fingertips. His cologne was all over me because we may or may not have been making out on the floor before I scolded him that he needed to practice. He had a big concert event coming up. 

'I could think of better things to do in here than you falling asleep.' His voice was teasing, making me blush.  It had only been a few weeks since our first actual time together and in all honesty it made me nervous just thinking about it. Ethan seemed to want to sleep together constantly.  Which is fine. I loved having sex with him but sex was never something I thought I'd experience so I'd much rather be reading or learning something new.

Just the other day we got into an argument because I turned him down. 

I was sitting in a lecture with the man that created the Behavioral Analysis Unit. The BAU for short. At the time, I didn't want to get laid. I wanted to learn more about how learning to understand a serial killer could help catch them. I was deeply intrigued and asked many questions as the lecture hall went on.

'You know you did ditch me for some cop I don't see why now would be a bad time to make up for it?

'A federal Agent is hardly a cop and if you can't remember his job at least remember his name. Jason Gideon.'

Ethan scoffed in small annoyance as he continued to play. Only this time the sound of the piano sounded like chase music. I felt like it should play in Tom and Jerry. 

'You can't seriously be upset with me about that?' I said trying to sound calm and collected in reality I was upset. I originally went to college to learn all the things needed to be someone that taught others. I had been debating on changing my career path for sometime now and I think I finally found it. 

'I think I wanna try to join the BAU. Gideon already told me with how interested I was in the lecture and with how smart I am. I'd make a great addition to the team.'

He smashed his fingers on the piano and groaned. 'Reid we already planned our future together. Do you really wanna give that up to join the FBI?' The way he looked at me was as if I had broken his heart. It's not that I had forgotten our plans after college. The only problem was that I used to be able to see that future and now I couldn't. 

Since the class with Gideon and all the research I've done. Working for the FBI just made sense. It would cover everything for my mother's doctor's and Care facility. Plus being able to keep a great roof over my head and food in my belly. I suppose to Ethan not living life on the edge was boring.

I shook my head to escape the memory.  Out of all the ones to have right now, why did that one resurface? My head fell in my hands as I combed my hair out of my face. My phone went off with a text from Y/n. 

'Hey, so we found her abandoned hideout but it looks like she hasn't been here in a bit. I don't know if you've gone to see him or not but I figured you could maybe get more info? If you're feeling up to it of course. Otherwise he made a bond with Matt. He can try again when we get back.'

I sighed. I wasn't in the mood to see him again. I thought I could separate my feelings towards him from this case and I know I'm not doing it. Perhaps I should step back from this case. I should talk to Emily. I know I'd still have to deal with Cat ever so often but otherwise she was my wife's problem now. I slipped my phone back in my pocket and closed my eyes. Everything just seemed like too much right now. 

'Seriously we are not doing this right now Ethan?' I was putting back on my clothes.  Situating my hair as well. 'You are not going to make me late. I refuse to miss seeing my mother again because you can't not want to sleep with me when we are alone.'

I walked around him as I grabbed my bag to take with me to go see my mom. It held some overnight clothes. I had missed the last time they were going to allow me to stay. All because I gave in to Ethan's advances to make him happy. I loved him and when we weren't bickering things were fabulous. After a year of it though it's exhausting. 

He caught me by my hips and pulled me to him. I swatted his hands away. He may not have wanted anything from me but a proper goodbye but I didn't want to give him the chance. I had already prepared myself mentally for the arguing that was gonna come from me turning him down. Me leaving him alone for long periods of time made me nervous.  

He'd never done anything to make me anxious about leaving him. He'd only go to bars and play and have a couple of drinks with other musicians.  I had accompanied him plenty of times. Nothing ever happened besides musicians talking about anything and everything underneath the shitty neon lights of the bar.

'Tell your mom I said hi and that I hope she's doing well. Also tell her I'm sorry I kept you away last time. I don't know what came over me. ' He cupped my face and went to kiss me but I turned my head slightly.  Again. I'm not taking any chances. I'd happily lose anyone or anything as long as I still had my mom.  He ended up kissing my cheek. 

A sigh escaped him as he let me go. 'I'll see you when you get back. Yeah?' I nodded and smiled at him as I headed toward the door.

'Wait, Reid. I'll be going out tonight to play. I'll message you when I arrive and when I leave. I know how you worry. Tell me when you make it to your mom's.  I love you. ' I smiled as I ran off to see my mom.

A groan escaped me. Why? I'm so sick of these memories coming up. I looked around the roof and let out another sigh. I really need to let what happens next go. Yet before I could stop my brain it quickly wraps me and surrounds me in the memory and as it unfolds like a movie before my very eyes. I kept my vision from blurring from the unleashed tears. 

Time with my mom had gone by well from when I got there until now.  She started having a violent episode one that if I had stayed would have ended in her calling me crash again.  I'd never tell her she'd hit me. I just wanted comfort. So I came home early. Well to a place Ethan and I were renting together. I hadn't told him I was on my way home.  So when I came home to an empty place I wasn't surprised. I quickly dropped off my things and ran to where I figured he'd be.  The bar with his friends. It was rare anyone would be there right now actually drinking; they should just be setting their instruments.

Only when I came in I found Ethan behind stage with a girl's tongue shoved down his throat. There clothes slightly askew He pushed her away when he realized I was there. 'Spencer this isn't what It looks like!' 

I just stood there frozen. I couldn't form a word, I could barely comprehend what I saw.  When he stepped towards me. I turned away and just walked away. I felt like my heart had just been stomped into the ground after being clawed at unintentionally by my mother. I was broken. 

That night I got multiple calls and texts from Ethan. I ignored them all. I ended up sleeping on a campus bench. Comfy truly.  

I never fully spoke to Ethan after that day.  Things with my mom got chaotic and I didn't have the time to focus on anything but getting my PhD and taking care of my mom. As long as I was busy I couldn't blame myself that I was too afraid to face Ethan.  He broke my heart and I didn't even give him the opportunity to even try to explain himself.

That was ages ago though so why am I still thinking about it. Why won't my brain just shut up. I need to get back Inside. Maybe the team is back by now. 

------------

Having to find Spencer recently was starting to become a habit. I looked everywhere for him everywhere besides outside. I finally found him walking in from the stairway that led to the roof.

'Hey.' I gave him a small wave and what I hoped was a reassuring smile. This case was getting to him for obvious reasons. He honestly hasn't looked this distraught since after he came back from prison. 

His eyes widened slightly. 'Good you're all back already then?' I nodded. My eyes didn't want to leave him. I knew something had happened. I just didn't know what. Pushing him was never something I had done and I wasn't gonna start now. Maybe I'll just bring it up a little to see if he decides to tell me. If not then it can wait until he sorts out his mind.

'So we didn't find Lindsey.  We did find a couple of things though. Photos of you in Mexico. Photos of you even in the prison yard. Among others of max and you and us together.  Lindsey appears to be stalking us. Maybe it was something Cat asked her to do.  Or maybe Ethan was the one taking some of the photos.' I looked away and was staring at my hands as my brain started putting small pieces together. Theories really.

Spencer grabbed my hand gently and brought it up so I'd follow it with my eyes. 'I am actually debating on taking a step back from this case. I was gonna tell Emily and see what she thought.' The smile he gave me didn't reach his eyes. 

'Let's be honest it's probably for the best that I do. I know too much and I am far too involved, especially with Cat and Ethan both being a part of this. It's just more than I think I can handle. I could be wrong. Maybe I just need a day to breathe. I'll have to figure that out though.'

He placed my hand on his face and all I could do was rub my thumb across his jaw. I let out a small laugh suddenly. Which surprised him. 'I'm sorry it's not funny! I just kept thinking that If I pushed hard enough on your jawline would it cut me?' It was a terrible time for me to not be able to keep things to myself.  He needed me serious, right?

A laugh bellowed out of him and I could see some of the stress and pain he was carrying with him lift a little. I myself smiled too when he pulled me into his chest. 'Oh how I love you and your random thoughts.' He moved his hand to cup my cheek and leaned in as if he were gonna kiss me. 

One of our arrangements when we started dating was no PDA in the workplace if any, keep it always at a minimum. With what he was doing it was making me question if he was about to break that small rule. Not that I minded if he did or not though. 

He stroked my cheek and smiled at me as he pecked the tip of my nose and walked away.

I couldn't help but scrunch up my nose the way a bunny would. It tickled. A smile formed on my face as I watched him leave.

Taglist:

@sassymoon @rainsong01 @onlyhereforthefanfics @itsdars @dreatine

[old-hyper-super-clover]

Squeeze that bunny tail!

Part 4

Description: The RAD student council as well as the exchange students help out at a bar where, oops, the staff´s dress codes are those sweet bunny outfits that we all know and thirst for. The MCs, Violet and Clover, play a game of who can touch the most bunny tails over the evening without getting caught. Prepare for fluff, funny innuendos as well as my thirst over hot boys in bunny outfits.

The story is divided in several parts and will be updated every few days. find the other parts in my masterlist.

Story continues below the cut. Have fun!

Finally having stomached the midnight clothing change, the girls had to get back to work, so they kept their strategic meeting short.

However, when they finally stepped outside into the public again...

The demon lord was waiting for them.

Arms crossed, expression serious.

He was staring at them.

"Lord Diavolo...!" Violet pressed out while Clover gave a quiet but terrified "oh no he will actually kill me" as both backed away on instinct.

"May I have a word with you two?" the demon prince asked, however it felt more like a demand. They have never heard him speak in such a serious tone before.

The girls not able to give an answer other than a nod, Diavolo gestured at the staff's office room.

He let them step inside before closing the door... And locking it.

None of them have ever felt like shitting their pants more than in this moment.

"Violet, Clover" He raised his voice.

Clover had called her own death, and had accidentally pulled Violet with her.

"There is an urgent matter that I have to discuss with you two..."

That was it. The end.

Diavolo kept them trembling in a horrible silence for way too long.

"Y-yes...?" Violet somehow managed to say.

He took a heavy breath. The girls swallowed their fear.

Then, he spoke up.

"... Why do you keep squishing everyone's bunny tails? Is it some kind of human tradition? I'm dying to know!"

The girls literally felt like they just died.

"I've observed you for quite a while now, but I can't make out the reason behind it" Diavolo continued. "Please, fill me in...!"

----------------------

It took a while to recover, but in the end, the girls confessed about their game.

"We just look how many of those tails we can squeeze" Clover said.

"It's nothing more than a joke..." Violet mumbled. "I'm sorry to have upset you..."

Diavolo blinked at them.

"Upset?"

"Uhm... Yes..." Violet frowned in regret. "We will stop being childish while working. Again, sorry for-"

"Can I join your game?"

Silence.

"Y... You want to... Squeeze the guys' tails with us?" Clover asked.

And Diavolo's natural smile said it all. So, it seemed like another opponent joined the game at half time...

---------------------------

The three parted quickly after as they were needed in the local, but Clover had an idea on how to keep things organized:

* Clover formed the group chat [Squeeze that bunny tail!] *

Diavolo: Hello!

Violet: ... Are you sure we shouldn't call the group something else...?

Diavolo: I quite like it.

Clover: Thank you, Sir :D

Diavolo: This is the first group chatroom I am in without Barbatos.

Violet: Should we add him?

Diavolo: No. Don't tell him. I am experiencing a new kind of freedom right now. Anyway, I wish you girls the best of luck in our competition!

---------------------

As this story is ridiculously long, let’s do a quick squeeze round!

Violet got very lucky... She caught Luke while the angel had been trying to reach for something in the kitchen shelves. He was still in his first outfit (because even demons do not support children nudity, that's gross), and looked adorable, standing on that stool to be tall enough.

After squeezing his tail, Violet offered her help.

... Only to realise she wasn't tall enough either.

But oh well, luckily, Solomon appeared and was there to grab those tiny cocktail parasols.

Later, Violet also worked with Asmo at the casino area for a while and got herself another point.

As for Clover... She tried.

Tried to squeeze Mammon´s tail a second time, but the greedy boy was also a very bouncy boy.

She also worked with Barbatos for quite a while, but as much as she wanted to go get those juicy two points, she just couldn't.

Something about this pretty man was scaring her... She found out later what it was.

Violet and Clover were serving drinks.

And for two girls without any real waitress-practise whatsoever, they did quite well.

But at one table, it had to happen.

The first broken glass of the evening. Clover had been holding the tray a little too sloppy.

As an ugly scream bubbled up her throat, she already felt the full glass of demonous fall, but was unable to do anything. The shattering of glass echoed through the bar, but what was worse was the growl that the customer pressed out.

Looking down on himself, Clover had perfectly spilled his drink onto the demon.

"You little..." he grunted, standing up and ready to break her neck this instant.

Clover backed away, of course, and felt how Violet had been there immediately to back her up.

"W-we apologize for this accident" Violet pressed out.

The demon seemed to get even more agitated, now raising his hand to hit her.

"Shut up you fucking-"

Then, another silhouette stepped in front of the girls.

Barbatos was gently holding the demon's hand back.

"In the name of the owner, I'd like to offer my deepest apologies as well. In cases like these, the local would like to immediately return the money you have spent this evening, and offers compensation in form of three free drinks of your choice."

Barbatos did a little bow after having finished.

"Screw the money..." The demon hissed. "I wanna tear those humans into miserable pieces. That´ll do as an apology."

Barbatos did not look up.

"... In that case..." the butler continued. "Guests who actively threaten the well-being of our dear staff will be treated according to their own attitude."

He straightened his back, beaming the demon a formal smile. "I will show you the exit. Please, do not think of coming back anytime soon."

Despite being so cocky before, now the customer flinched heavily. Finally, he seemed to follow the butler's orders. He spat on the table in some disrespectful dick move, then left the local.

---------------

Violet and Barbatos helped Clover clean the mess afterwards.

"Thanks for dealing with that guy..." Clover mumbled.

"Oh, there is no need" Barbatos hummed. "If not for me, one of the demon brothers would have come to your aid. And I fear a person like Mammon would not have left the situation without a fight, so I figured it would be best to jump in myself."

The girls gave a small giggle.

"That's true..." Violet mumbled. "But that only makes you even more impressive. It's rare to see a demon so calm."

“Calm?” Barbatos looked up from the broken glass he had been collecting. He seemed genuinely confused for a moment, then his usual smile was back.

"How cute" he chuckled.

"C-cute?!" Violet blinked in surprise.

But Barbatos was already making his leave.

"Ah, don't mind it..." he mused. "The naiveté is what makes you humans so charming."

----------------------------

Clover felt safer sticking to cleaning instead of potentially making another mess, so she was wiping the tables when she heard Diavolo calling out to her.

"Are you busy right now?" he asked.

"Not really, I'm still on cleaning duty but there isn't really much to do right now... Can I help you with anything?"

Taking a careful look around, Diavolo stepped closer, lowering his voice as well. "I am in trouble."

"Uhm..." Clover swallowed her stress. "And why?"

"I lost the master key. The one the owner gave me."

"... The one you need to lock the whole place with? The one that basically gives you control over the whole bar?"

"I see you smell the trouble now."

Clover gave a nod. "I do... Should I help you search?"

Diavolo's expression changed into a smile.

"That's what I wanted to hear! Thank you."

"No problem. Do you have any idea where it might be?"

So Diavolo gave it a thought, concluding that he must have lost it during his break.

"I looked through the bathroom already” he explained. “Which leaves only the kitchen and the staff's room."

Suddenly, a third voice joined the conversation.

"I did not notice anything like a key in the kitchen" Satan said, coming to a stop next to them.

"Oh, Satan, so you have overheard our conversation..." Diavolo crossed his arms.

"Don't worry, I won't spill anything to Lucifer" the blond laughed. "He'd only scold you, wouldn't he?" Then, his gaze fell on Clover. "I can help you search."

----------------

Clover and Satan looked through the whole staff's office.

Luckily no one was there to ask what they were doing, especially since they just couldn't find anything. Satan gave a sigh.

"Nothing... I even looked through Mammon's jacket in case his kleptomania had struck again..."

Meanwhile, Clover was rummaging through one of the desks. Giving a resigned breath as well, she was about to give up when she spotted something shimmering behind the wooden desk.

"I think I found it...!" Clover called out.

Satan came up to her, seeing as well how there was a key stuck in the web of cables behind the office desk.

"Wait, I'll get it."

He tried reaching it from above, but some computer monitors kept getting in the way.

In the end, Satan was crouched down, head under the table as he fiddled with the cables.

"I still can't reach it..." he pressed out under his breath.

Clover grumbled in displease, kneeling down as well. There wasn't enough room for her to help in any way, so all she could do was watch Satan do his thing...

Oh no.

She had THE perfect chance to squish Satan's tail. Due to his position, his booty was right in front of her, and he seemed more than busy to even bother her presence.

Three points, she thought...

Just a little tap, she thought...

Holding her breath, she stretched out a finger and reached for the pompom...

Merely a second later Clover found herself landing on her back, her wrists being pressed against the floor next to her head.

"I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY."

Satan's body hovered above hers as he held her in a tight grip.

Clover was panicking.

"I'm so sorry - I shouldn't have done that - I'm sorry Satan Sir please don't kill me - I'm an idiot - I'm sorry I'm sorry - I love you sir I'm really sorry I'm-"

"Explain yourself" he interrupted her pleading.

"Hnnngh...” Clover fought actual tears but finally calmed down. "I... Uhm... Violet and I might be playing... A game..."

"Go on" Satan demanded in a sharp voice.

So Clover took a deep breather, speaking terribly fast in her fear.

"It's a competition. We wanted to see who can touch the most bunny tails over the evening, without the people noticing. Look, it's weird, I'm sorry, Violet has some kind of pompom kink and suggested it and I can't say no to people so I joined, also because it's funny, oh also please don't tell Violet I said anything about a kink, she will kill me."

His glistening greenish eyes kept mustering her flushed red face.

"I'm not satisfied yet."

The girl gave another whine.

"Pleeaase... Dearest Satan, Sir..."

"Keep going..."

"Ah...uhm… Oh lord, my man, oh how I plead for thy mercy, oh mighty Satan...! Thy tail was so tempting, I couldn't resist reaching for it...... And also I suck at this game and need points so desperately...! It was just too perfect of a chance, please forgive m..."

She stopped.

He was smirking at her, his grin almost dripping with this sly and cocky attitude.

Clover only now felt how there was something else in-between his left hand and her wrist.

The key.

And she remembered what Violet had texted her earlier today.

"... Did you trick me? The key wasn't actually hard to grab, was it?" she asked. “You knew I would try to touch your tail.”

His smirk widened.

"Why the fascination with bunny tails?" Satan nonchalantly ignored her questions.

"... They're fluffy..." Clover mumbled bashfully. "Just... fun to play with, y'know...?"

The blond tilted his head. "Never played with one."

"... Try it, it's nice."

"Yes, I would like to" he said, enjoying the flustered mess underneath him as she tried to figure out what he was implying. "Right now" he added.

So Clover tried to stand up... But Satan wasn't letting her.

"Uhm... I-I would let you touch mine, b-but... Could I stand up first...?"

"No."

Silence.

Probably the only thing audible was Clover's boiling head as she slowly raised her hips off the ground, constantly being focused by those sly eyes of his.

One of his hands let go of her arm, reaching down while his whole body lowered slightly as well.

Instead of reaching for her back, however, he first placed his hand on her thigh. Through her fishnet stockings, she felt his touch wandering up her leg, only then he'd brush over her side to her back, finally finding the bunny tail in his grip.

"Interesting" he mused, poking and squishing the pompom as he pleased, visibly amused at her embarrassment. "Yes, very-"

They heard the office's door falling shut.

Both, Satan and Clover, stopped in their motion, even in their breathing, as footsteps came closer.

"My jacket... Where did I leave my jacket..."

They were staring at each other first, then at the person casting a shadow on them.

And... well...

Luke stared back.

Stared at the demon bending over the human, the human arching closer to the demon, touching each other in those... those clothes...!

The angel could only press out some dying squeaking noises as his face exploded in an outraged blush. He took a step back, raising an arm as if shielding himself from the evil.

"S... S-s..."

Clover was the first to move again.

"Luke, this is not what-"

"SIMEEOOOOOONN....!"

Aaand Luke ran out of the room in a great whine. Slowly getting over the shock, Clover let out a sigh.

"... He's going to arrange some exorcism for me now, ain't he..." she mumbled.

The demon only gave a chuckle. "Serves you right" he hummed.

"Wha-?! You're the one who start..." her voice gave in immediately after meeting again with this almost sadistic stare.

"S-s-stop... Satan... Since wh-when are y..." Clover stuttered as the demon continued to play with her tail.

He leaned in closer.

"You should know that trying to play pranks on me will always backfire thrice as much..." he purred into her ear.

Then, Satan let go, pulling back and rising onto his feet.

"Well, I think that is enough of a punishment for now. I'll go and bring Lord Diavolo his key."

Clover sat up as well, but her legs were way too wobbly to do any more than that.

She glanced up at him, seeing him wave a goodbye.

"See you around" he hummed, adding a little wink before heading out of the room.

-----------------------

About another hour had passed when Clover and Violet decided to check up in Diavolo again...

Clover: Lord Diavolo, how is the game going?

Diavolo: Good! I have 62 points so far.

Clover: WHAT

Violet: U-uhm... May I ask how you got to have so many...?

Diavolo: I asked Barbatos to let me touch his tail.

Clover: ... For all of the points?

Diavolo: Yes :)

Violet: ...

Diavolo: What is wrong? Is that not a good score?

Clover:

It is... But... We actually had made some rules that we didn't get to explain...

Diavolo: Oh! Which would be? :)

Violet: Uhm... For example, you are not allowed to squeeze the same tail twice in a row, and the target is not supposed to notice you...

Clover: Meaning... If you simply touched Barbatos' tail 31 times in a row with him knowing... You would have... No points yet...

Violet: ...

Clover: ...

Diavolo: :(

----------

Ironic enough, Diavolo had been taking a break in the staff room while texting.

Minutes later, Barbatos came in to bring him something to drink.

"Barbatos! You are not allowed to notice me anymore when I touch your tail. Apparently I did it wrong the whole time!"

"Of course, my lord" the butler answered, the slightest smirk glistening in his eyes.

Diavolo noticed immediately, pointing out how Barbatos looked way more relaxed than usual.

"Oh, do I?" Barbatos tilted his head. "Well, it certainly is a weight off my shoulders to have a crew to rely on. For most parts, at least."

He was heading for the exit already.

"And I am glad to see you are enjoying yourself, my lord" he smiled. "I will have to thank those girls for that..."

----------------------

Violet was working at the bar.

Lucifer had promised her to teach her some cocktail mixing, and there they were.

Turns out she was learning quickly, and the demon soon entrusted her with serving drinks to actual customers. Keeping an eye on her, Lucifer watched as Violet worked, also receiving help from Asmo.

... Which was impressive, by the way, because anyone could sense that Asmo had been sneaking some drinks here and there, and was getting a little... Tipsy.

It showed at one point, though. A customer came up, asking for a drink rather difficult to mix.

"I can do this!" Violet assured her friends and started mixing the juice.

But just as Violet was bending down to put some ice cubes into the drink...

They heard -- and Violet felt -- a slap that was audible even despite the quite loud music playing.

And everyone around them went quiet.

Blinking, Violet straightened her back again, turning to find Asmo behind her.

"Did. You just."

"Slap your ass? Fuck yes I did!"

"Asmo!!"

"Come on, you CAN'T expect me to NOT go for that booty when you're stretching it RIGHT into my FACE."

Lucifer next to them barged in. "But you can't just do th-"

"It was on INSTINCT" Asmo said.

"What do you mean, instinct?!" Violet asked, her face still in a slight blush.

"Oh my godddd, I'm the avatar of LUST, if I see a cute butt I just can't help it!"

"Asmo, that's not okay", Lucifer scolded. "You need to learn to control your sin."

"WHY?! Y'all have your quirks too, why am I not allowed to be myself?! That's so unfair, I always get shouted at! Like, Beel's also snacking our whole storeroom empty but THAT'S fine, huh?!"

Lucifer´s eyes widened. "He's doing WHAT?!"

"And Mammon is stealing money out of the guest's pockets, but NO, let's sue ASMO for giving a booty the appreciation it DESERVES!"

Lucifer looked like he was about to have a stroke. A growl crawled up his throat.

"MAMMOOOOOONNN...!!!"

And he was gone.

Asmo turned to pout somewhere, and Violet was left at the counter, still a little overwhelmed.

The customer slowly raised their hand.

"... Could I... Get my drink now...?"

[prismatales]

Late Bloomer: Faltering (Part 1)

Word Count: 3.3K

Bingo slot: Free

Pairings: None

Tag/Warnings: Slight angst.

Synopsis: Sometimes, life throws some unexpected circumstances that can bring doubts.

Here's Part 2 of Late bloomer!

Unfortunately, as much as I would've loved to make this chapter longer in order to introduce Dabi at once, I've been struggling with some heavy writer's block and burnout for these past weeks, but when I said part 2 would be out this week it was a promise, hopefully you guys will enjoy it!

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Isn’t it strange that the most gentle of hearts belong to all the souls on fire?

-Michelle Schaper

“That will be all for today’s lessons. Make sure to enjoy your break, everyone!” Midnight exclaimed, a cheerful smile on her face while all her students were busy packing their stuff, eager to leave and prepare everything they needed for the school break. If luck was on your side, maybe you would be able to plan something out with your siblings once Shouto came back from the training camp. 

“Todoroki. Before you leave, principal Nezu would like to speak with you.”...Or maybe not.

“...Is this about what happened during the exam?” you couldn’t help asking the teacher, nervous about the idea of being in trouble for the little stunt that occurred during your exam. But that couldn’t be the reason the principal was calling, right?

“He just told me to send you to his office. But if this helps out, I think your father was there too.”

“…Of course he is.” You had to hold back the urge to groan in front of the teacher. Blood already warming up just by the mention of your father of all people being in the principal’s office, if this was another attempt to make you switch classes, you’d be having none of it. 

“Did you put confetti in Bakugo’s gauntlets again?” Ren and Hatsume approached you after class, both of them snickered when they remembered the look on the blond’s face as he chased you around the school like a wild beast. The attempt to muffle the laughter failed miserably by the reminder.

“Nope. But if my dear old man’s there, I know what this is about. Anyway, see you next Monday, guys!” They both waved cheerfully before walking away, their figures became smaller and smaller with each step taken until eventually they could no longer be recognized from afar. 

As soon as you began heading towards the principal’s office, a small knot began growing into the pit of your stomach from the nerves. Once you finally stood in front of the door, the first thing you did was knock twice, staying put before the principal’s voice called out through the other side. “Come in!” 

The door was slightly pushed, just enough to peek inside the office. Just as Midnight said, principal Nezu was sitting on his chair and your beloved father was standing nearby with arms crossed. Both of them turned to look in your direction before the principal welcomed you with his characteristic smile.

“You wanted to see me, sir?” You ask out of formality, partially nervous about the attention. 

“Yes, please come take a seat!” He didn’t move from his spot, and neither did your father as they both watched you step inside the office and advance forwards before stopping in front of the principal’s desk. Quietly, you pulled a chair in order to sit down, effortlessly ignoring your father’s presence as subtly as possible.

“There’s something we’d like to discuss with you. It’s not about the exam if that’s what you’re worried about.” You couldn’t help placing a hand over your chest, exhaling in relief with eyes closed. Endeavor’s stare could almost dig a hole at the back of your skull from that reaction, but he’s ignored in favor of looking at the principal. “It’s about your quirk...It’s already been a few weeks after the sports festival, but it appears you’re still having some difficulties controlling it...don’t you?” 

For someone who had as much authority as him, the principal’s question didn’t hold a single speck of malice or mockery behind it, almost sounded like he’s talking to a small child. Which made the situation way more uncomfortable in your eyes, because not only was he mentioning a fact you’ve been trying to so hard to hide, but he was also mentioning all of this in front of the last person you’d want to find out.

Insecurity grew deep inside as you looked down, avoiding eye contact with both males for as long as possible, gripping the fabric of your skirt with a firm grip that dug your nails painfully harsh into the flesh of your thighs.

“The principal’s asking you a question.” Just hearing your father’s voice was enough to make your blood feel like it was boiling, if any of them were able to see under the bangs hiding your face from view they would’ve seen a pair of glowing eyes. Nobody was supposed to know about the lack of control you’ve been struggling with for the past weeks, but it seems that it was more obvious than you thought.

When you looked back at the principal with doubtful eyes, they were no longer filled with that golden light that had already vanished. Hesitating, you finally answered the question.

“Yes, sir…”

“And you didn’t tell anyone this, because?”

“Because, I thought it would be something temporary...and eventually, I would be able to control it on my own.” He observed you with unpredictable eyes, pondering for a moment.

“That’s understandable,” he gave a slight nod with eyes closed “but you have to consider that as a school, it’s our responsibility to help the students grow and this includes helping them learn to control their quirks. There’s also another factor to consider…” 

This time he looked at you straight in the eye. “Remember what happened during the sports festival?” How could you ever forget it? The day your quirk manifested will forever be branded into your memories. “As harsh as this may sound, we’re concerned that this difficulty may end up with something similar happening in the future. Please don’t take it personally.”

It’s understandable that the principal worried about the risk of somebody getting hurt. And yet that didn’t soothe the ache growing inside you. Distracted by these thoughts, you didn’t pay attention to the rest of the conversation between the principal and your father. 

“My suggestion would be for her to attend the training camp alongside the hero department, the training could be a perfect opportunity to learn to control her quirk.” The principal turned his attention back towards you “While it’s not our place to make this kind of decision on a student’s behalf, this is a special case. I hope you understand our reasons, Todoroki-san.”

Nodding silently, your lips were pressed into a thin line in resignation over the school’s decision. But when you thought about it through the adult’s eyes, they were right. It could be dangerous to lose control and potentially getting someone hurt because you decided to be stubborn and handle this on your own.

But who could blame you when that’s pretty much how you grew up? Becoming independent at such a young age in order to lessen the burden on your sibling’s lives. 

“Well then, it’s decided. Look at the bright side, at least your brother will be there as well!” Nezu made an attempt to light up the situation, and you appreciated it. Kind of ironic how someone that’s not even related to you is doing more than your own father. who somehow, had such a feeling of pride radiating from him that if it wasn’t for who was in the room as well, you would have smacked him right in the face with your belt.

After the final arrangements were done, you and your father walked out of the principal’s office, but unlike him, the look on your face was so very sour that it could make a lemon taste sweeter than honey.

You didn’t have the chance to say anything to the man walking in front of you, since he began talking first.

“Before you accuse me of talking the principal into this. They were the ones who called concerning this situation.” He wouldn’t even turn around and it made you feel even more bitter than before, realizing you were the only one to blame for this.

“I do not care if you had anything to do with it. It’s obvious this is just an excuse to try moving me into the hero department.” In an angry fit, you stopped and glared at his back “I said this before and I’ll say it again; Nothing you can do will change my mind, camp or not, I’m staying in the support class!”

Unfortunately for you, that small fit of rage was enough for the ends of your hair to light up, right at the same time he turned to give you a look. “Focus on getting control over that power and then you can say that again with your head held high.”

With fists clenched into a fist, you just marched away with a huff. As much as you’d love to give him a piece of your mind, it was time to prepare everything for the trip.

A few days later, you stood near everyone from class 1-A, getting on the bus that would take everyone to the training camp. At least Shouto’s classmates were kind enough not to make you feel like an outcast, and it really helped out that you already met them before. After they saw you talking with your brother about his new costume and making fun of the first one, much to his embarrassment.

“Can I ask you something?” Shouto asked quietly from beside you, trying to avoid catching the other’s attention.

“Mhm.” You looked up from the screen of your phone, where a meme was displayed, courtesy of Mina who had quickly added your phone number into the group chat.

“You were doing so well the first time we trained together...so what happened?” He noticed the way your hand clenched around the device harshly, with a little more strength the screen would’ve almost cracked.

Nervously, you turned away from him with a nervous look all over your features but still managed to smile softly at him despite everything going through your head at that moment.

“I’d rather not talk about it...please?” The small plead caught him off guard, but Shouto still respected your wish...

The bus finally stopped in the middle of nowhere, it gave everyone the chance to walk out and stretch their bodies after sitting inside such a cramped seat for hours. 

And then, a pair of women showed up to greet everyone. Watching their costumes made your eyes light up in joy once you recognized the pair standing in front of everyone. But unlike Midoriya, you could only fangirl silently at the sight of the wild wild pussycats, or at least at the sight of the two that were talking in front of the whole class.

“I thought Hawks was your favorite?” your brother had to cough into his fist to hide the laughter when he saw the look on his twin’s face, that quickly turned into embarrassment when some of his classmates heard their banter.

“S-Shut up!” You shoved him by the shoulder at the same time your whole face got warm all the way down to the neck, it quickly began getting warmer the moment most of the girls overheard Shouto’s comment and gave you a teasing look. Now it would be impossible to live that down. “This is why Natsuo’s my favorite brother!”

That was the last thing you could tell him before the ground began moving underneath everyone’s feet, courtesy of pixie bob’s quirk. Everyone quickly tried to get back inside the bus to no avail, for all of you had been thrown into the forest. The last thing you heard from Mandalay was how those unable to reach the camp before noon would not be allowed to have lunch. 

While everyone fell down, some people noticed you quickly pulling your shirt open, and you could have sworn at least one of them yelled out panicked until they noticed a black tank top under the uniform. And also a familiar belt from the sports festival.

Quickly, two metallic claws sprung out from the back of the artifact, digging their way deep into the wall so they could slow down the impact. 

You were probably going to get an earful from Aizawa, but wearing this belt and the trusty bracelet over your right hand became a habit too hard to avoid, these ‘babies’ -yes, Hatsume had become quite an influence- were like a part of you, something you spent so much blood, sweat and tears developing from scratch.

Once your feet reached the floor again, the claws retreated back inside the belt. “Is everyone alright?!” You called out as the others dug their way out from the layers of dirt, luckily nobody had gotten injured during the fall and even if they had, it was a good thing there was a healer among them.

A thunderous roar could be heard, making you look at the direction where it came from, just to see this horrendous creature towering over the smallest guy from the group, what was his name? ah yes...Mineta.

After Koda tried using his quirk to calm down the creature, you realized they were not living creatures, most likely controlled by one of the pro-heroes supervising the school trip.

As soon as Midoriya managed to rescue his classmate and get rid of the first creature, another three appeared right after. This race against time was going to be harder than everyone thought. So might as well hurry up and lend everyone a hand.

“(Y/n)! behind you!” Turning around, you came face to face with another beast. Quickly, your hair began glowing with energy, growing until it reached the lower back and your arms became surrounded with a reddish aura, that somehow was acting differently than before, it started flickering wildly rather than flowing into smooth waves.

The beast lunged forwards, instantly being hit by an attack that ignited into flames as soon as it came in contact with it. Burning its whole body in a matter of seconds.

The more you kept running, the more of these creatures appeared and were taken care of just as fast. You had to admit it, everyone in the hero course was incredible in their own way.

It was strange using your quirk this long after spending so much time trying to avoid it. But if it meant no longer worrying about losing control, then you’d go through as much training as you had to endure.

Finally, after a long struggle in the forest, everyone managed to come out in one piece. But after using your quirk for so long, the only thing that didn’t hurt was your eyelashes. Every muscle in your body cried out in agony, exhausted, and begging for some rest, the same thing could be said about your irritated eyes.

“Arriving at noon my ass…” Nobody said a thing when you dropped face down on the floor, muttering a bizarre combination between nonsense and profanities. Too tired to pay attention to everything happening around you, like the moment poor Midoriya got punched in the crotch by Mandalay’s nephew, Kouta.

“Shouto, if you drag me inside I’ll treat you to the cafe for a whole month…”

“...Sorry, but you’re on your own.” 

“...You traitor.”

The meals were exquisite, every dish could almost be on pair with your sister’s cooking. And just as you expected, right before leaving for the hot springs, Aizawa made sure to confiscate your belt and any equipment you had left.

“All of it, Todoroki.” 

“...” 

With a defeated grumble, you took off the earrings as well before following after the girls.

The hot water felt heavenly against your sore body the more you sank down in the spring. If it could be possible, you’d stay underwater forever if it wasn’t for this little thing called ‘oxygen’. Swiftly your body rose up to the neck, leaning back against the edge of the spring between Jirou and Hagakure with a relaxed smile adorning your whole face.

“Ahhh, this feels so nice˜” your hands brushed some stray, damp locks away from your soaked face. The girl’s chatter was a pleasant noise in the background as every thought slipped away into nothing but a white noise inside your head.

“(y/n)?” Uraraka’s voice snapped you out from the little daze you fell in, when you turned to look at her it wasn’t only the brunette looking at you, but all of the girl’s attention was focused on you.

“Yes? What is it?” The grogginess in your voice and face was too funny to ignore, judging by their fits of giggles.

“How did you come up with the idea to make your equipment to subtle? It’s amazing!” Mina was the first one to speak, there was a glint of excitement in her eyes just thinking about the gadgets you used during the sports festival. In fact, all of them seemed interested in the subject, leaving you amazed by their reactions.

A huge smile appeared on your face upon realizing how fascinated they seemed about the equipment.

“Well, I know that sometimes equipment can make a difference for heroes, but it can also get in the way if it’s something too bulky or difficult to handle.” You explained to the small audience, not even aware that in the middle of the explanation, your hands wouldn’t stop moving all over the place as you spoke with enthusiasm.

Or how small ambers of gold began escaping through the corners of your eyes the more ecstatic you became during the explanation.

“So I thought of creating something that could be both subtle and practical at the same time, like-” 

“Ummm, (y/n)? Your quirk is going off again?” Jirou’s voice had a hint of concern, that made the words die instantly at the back of your throat when you looked at the reflection in the water and in fact, the glow in your eyes just kept growing.

They kept watching in silence, worried as you curled into a small ball at the edge of the spring, taking deep breaths that aided with the focus, until they specks of golden light finally disappeared.

“I…I’m sorry.” You couldn’t muster enough courage to look at any of them. Feeling ashamed of yourself, like a burden for everyone because you were unable to do something as simple.

“Wait, we didn’t mean it like that!” Looking up, you were met with many pairs of worried gazes that reminded you of the day everyone at school found out there was more than one Todoroki at U.A. but at the same time, it was a complete contrast as well.

Because these people were genuinely worried about you.

“Please don’t think you’re being a burden to anyone here, (y/n)“ Momo approached your curled self in an attempt to be reassuring. As a matter of fact, everyone else was doing her best to help out. “Besides that’s why you’re here with us. And if there’s anything we can do to help, we will!” 

Everyone else nodded and you’d be lying if you’d say their actions didn’t make something warm stir deep inside. It was...nice to know that including your friends in class, there were more people out there trying to help out.

With a grateful smile, you looked at every single one of the girls sitting around the spring “Thank you, guys….”

Soon you were all engaged into some playful chatter, from stuff like school, trying to get better grades on a certain subject -which you and Momo eagerly offered to help with- to being curious about tomorrow’s training….and other things as well…

In the midst of all the chatter, you were able to hear some commotion from the boy’s side of the baths. It was pretty vague, but Iida’s screams of “Restrain yourself!” were easily a hint of the chaos about to unfold.

And then Kouta’s small figure appeared at the top of the wall that faced the guy’s side of the baths.

“Learn what it means to be a dignified human being before aiming to become a hero.” The little boy spoke with such indifference as he pushed Mineta away.

“Do you guys deal with that every day?” You had to ask, and when more than one girl nodded their response left you perplexed enough to sink back into the warm water.

“Some week this is gonna be.”

You had no idea just how hard the following days would really be...

@bnhabookclub @gallickingun @godtieruwu @hanniejji @mysticalite @samanthaa-leanne @savagetrickster @shoobirino @bnha-ra @hawks-senseis @sugacookiies @unbreakableeiji @wesparklebitch

[okaywitheverything]

Konoha X Reader ♡1

A/N: So I’ve been really inactive I know but its because I have a lot of tests coming up. Here is fun series I wrote long ago which is sort of everybody flirting with you in Konoha. Hope you like it. Here’s part one of three.

"Yeah, it would be a nice change of space. I've been cooped in one place for far too long I feel. I've always had a nick for travelling and exploring." You answered with an adorable smile on your face.

"Is that the only reason? Pardon me for questioning you but I need to be completely sure about approving your request to move here to Konoha. I can't take any duty of mine lightly."

"Nothing less would be expected of you Hokage-sama. You truly are as intellectual, perceptive and ingenious as people say."

The Third Hokage laughed lightly at this. "As flattered as I am dear, I am not cutting you any slack." He replied smugly.

"I'm an okay Jounin-level kunoichi that feels the urge to start anew. Oh come on, I'm not an assassin in disguise! I could have fooled you if I actually wanted to." You replied as serious you could, slightly staring at him to try and intimidate him.

Don't think it's working at all.

"I'm actually in a disguise right now."

That's seemed to have caught him off guard. You smirked a little. "You haven't even checked my ID yet. The photo it has right now, doesn't match my current self. Wait! Don’t peek! Let's make this interesting. You'll see my abilities as a ninja as well. What do you say?"

Tempting the Hokage was probably not a good idea, but you have never been one to shy away from risks.

"Oh I'm not doubting your ability of deception. Say what, that door leads to a bathroom. If you manage to amaze me with a different disguise that matches whatever is in your ID, I'll let you move here, no more questions asked." He said, propping on his elbows, leaning forward. This old man was surely fun, you had to give him that.

"Alright, give me five minutes."

You looked at your appearance right now. Really big dorky glasses that hid your beautiful features under its frame. A really tight braid with middle parting of your hair. You looked oh-so-nerdy right now. But only you knew that on the removal of these two things, your entire appearance did a one eighty degree. And that's what you intended to do as of right now.   

 You looked at yourself with awe in the mirror. You never bragged about your appearance or thought of yourself as superior to basically anyone. 

But you weren't one to willingly drag yourself down, you remained confident with whatever you wore, whatever you had. Sure everyone had bad days, but to make a routine out of it? That was not you. Right now, your beautiful (h/c) tresses cascaded down your body to (whatever your hair length is).

Your cherry pink lips glossed more as you reapplied the lip balm. Your (favourite colour) blouse was the one thing that remained the same. You swapped your baggy pants with a similar (favourite colour) skirt that reached your mid thigh that matched your painted nails. You had removed your glasses already and replaced it with contacts. (Or just removed if you don't need contacts)You were thankful for all the accessories you kept in your (favourite colour) purse in case you needed to party anytime.  

But you really outdid yourself by taking out matching heels from the bag and replacing your flats. 

Guess the female purse is really a mystery.

You readied yourself and stepped out.

 Go big or go home, right? 

The Hokage looked up from some documents he was checking and Kami, you could have sworn you saw blood trickling down his nose. You instantly grew worried, was he having a seizure? 

You then saw him frantically grabbing your folder and snatching out your ID. His widened eyes darted back and forth from the photo on the ID to your  confused face. 

"Are you going to say something?" You said after few minutes of silence.

"I think I need to check the bathroom to see if you swapped places with someone. As shocked as I am to admit this, I was totally not expecting that. Keeping my end of the deal, as you have truly amazed me, I can only hope this will help our undercover missions. Anyways, welcome to Konoha!" The Third replied with a grin, a narrow strip of blood still gushing down. 

You responded with another charming smile of yours. However, before you could say something, the door abruptly opened revealing a large man with really long white hair and a lady close behind who had beautiful golden locks."Hokage-sama, did you hear about Oro- Oh! Hello there. I don't believe we have met. I'm Jiraiya, a renowned writer and appreciator of beauty and grace. And you seem just the kind of elegant lady that I was looking for."

 The man started but changed his composure entirely when his eyes met yours mid sentence. You tilted your head in slight confusion and saw the lady behind him come ahead while smacking the back of his head. However, as soon as she saw you, a slight pink tinted her cheeks.

 Maybe at the embarrassment of realising someone else's presence?You wondered.

"Hello I'm Tsunade. I haven't seen you around, you seem new." With pink cheeks, she put her hand forward which you gladly accepted giving her a small smile.

"Yes, I arrived here today. I'm (Your first name) (Your last name)." You replied.

You didn't realise at what point exactly did the white haired man had moved to the corner of the room during your conversation. You saw him squatted down, vigorously writing down something and mumbling incoherent words along the lines of 'new characters initials will be (your initials)'.

What surprised you was the river of blood gushing down his nose, blood almost thrice the amount you witnessed on Hokage's face earlier.

He seriously looked like he was about to pass out.

Is the weather here really this hot and cruel?  Good thing I'm wearing a mini skirt right now.

You came out of your thoughts when you heard knuckles cracking quite loudly and saw Tsunade glaring at Jiraiya that he totally ignored as his eyes only travelled between your face and his book. 

The Hokage, about whom you had completely forgotten until now stood beside Jiraiya, leaning to read what he wrote, giggling like a lovestruck teen.

 "Is this how you are supposed to behave?!" Tsunade pulled Jiraiya up by his ear, and to be honest she even scared you. "And you sensei, supporting him like that?!" She continued and you praised her confidence and unwavering voice.

If you hadn't witnessed the scene, you would never believe she was talking to The Lord Third. 

The Third sheepishly scratched his neck, embarrassment coating his cheeks. You felt you should excuse yourself before the situation escalated to another level. "If my request is approved, I'd like to look around the Village." You said moving towards the door. "Let me assist you with that. I know all the exclusive spots in the vill- Oww   ow what?!" You heard Jiraiya exclaim from the corner.

"Have you forgotten about the important matters we came to discuss here? It's not like I'd rather stay here than show her pretty ass around but we have some duties." Tsunade said making you blush.

'Pretty ass' caught you off guard. Both the curse and the compliment. 

You grabbed your folders and put them inside your purse and headed out, not before flashing a bright cheeky smile to all the three people in the room as you heard Tsunade say, "We hope to see you around soon." 

The two guards outside almost didn't recognise you as the same girl who entered the office. They exchanged quizzical glances while all you could wonder was how could they let Jiraiya and Tsunade intrude like that. Maybe because it was an emergency. You gave them both genuine smiles and shrugged to yourself while moving to find the exit. 

This wasn't how you planned on exiting and roaming, in such a short skirt but you had no choice because of the intrusion in the office. You didn't mind though, Konoha seems to intrigue you in a good way and you found yourself excited to explore, looking like a total bomb in that sleek, sexy (favourite  colour) outfit of yours.

A/N: this was just some meaningless drabble of sorts. Hope you enjoyed.

[indecisive-v]

NINJAMUFFIN DOING ANOTHER AMA ON TWITTER, HERE'S MORE SHIT FOR YA! keep in mind i'm just sharing the funkin related stuff, though i am including WAAAAY more than what i shared before 👍 go check out ninja's twitter profile for questions about stuff like ritz! questions in blue, answers in orange. if yall don't wanna read everything i MIGHT make a version of this post where i replace the answers with my own summaries of em (and if the questions are long, those too)

and here's a link to the ama tweet itself! dunno if it's still goin

Q: I figure the answer will be yes but do you have more plans to implement more guest appearances from people in the newgrounds community into FNF? Or are you all gunna focus on OG lore and stuff going forward

A: for guest appearances, I think we have always seen it as getting a healthy mix of both. PERSONALLY I'd like to lean towards having more OG stuff than guest stuff, BUT it's all a matter of what other boys think of that as well. I'm not the sole person working on game!

Q: Are you gonna release the full FNF game or are you gonna be releasing week after week? Like, are you gonna release week 8 or are we gonna wait some years until The Full Ass Game comes out?

A: Release plan for FNF right now is a few more updates or whatev to the 'demo' we have out right now, and then a long silence of probably no updates whatsoever until the full game is done (which will likely be a few years). That's partly why we made kickstarter for game.

Q: Hey so like, how much will Fnf cost after it's finished? And when will you ask the supporters what they want the game on?

A: It's all subject to change, but right now it prob gonna be standard 15-25$ lil steam indie game.

We will ask Kickstarter pledgers and whatnot what they want the game on SUPER close to when its released, to keep options open if we get onto anything like a console people want.

Q: 1. how was your day

2. are you releasing a week 8 song early like week 7, or are you goin full lockdown

A: I am doing GOOD today, and I think recently I've been good in general.

up to the mood, but so far we doing good about not having anything leak or whatev, so I think it'd be fun to have update come out with people not knowing what to expect at all. Build dat intrigue

Q: Will fnf ever get official plushies?? Seems like an untapped market

A: FNF plushies will prob happen some point, we have a lot of current merch stuff on our plates already though! (Mostly kickstarter type stuff, shirts, pins, posters, and all the physical OST stuff) Its a lot to sort out, but in time more and more stuff will happen. We r jus 4 boys!

Q: did you ever expect your game to blow up as it did? what was your first reaction to seeing it become super popular

A: FNF never had a humble moment, literally day 1 before the prototype even came out, the vid on twitter had like 5K likes overnight. Then when ludum dare version came out, it got 5K likes again, like it wasnt just a fluke. Was crazy, and def felt like somethin was different wit FNF

Q: Do you plan on getting other people to come in to help with the music? That seems like a lot of work to dump on one person, what with the erect mode and whatnot.

I guess the question could apply to all aspects of development. Will you be bringing on more people to help?

A: We definitely are getting help from other people. We are always keeping an eye on people for various different things. In terms of programming, already I've gotten 2 people (MtH and Geokureli) to help with certain Week 7 stuff (charting/polish, and loading stuff). Shit like dat

Q: Oh, also, will the Steam version be Workshop compatible? That'd really help streamline the process of downloading mods.

A: Steam version of FNF will likely NOT be Steam workshop compatible, because we want all the mods to NOT be spread out through different places. There WILL be modding support that is as streamlined as Steam workshop though. Mainly for non-steam versions of the game!

Q: Are there any chances that the game will have a physical release? Also any updates on a switch port? I remember one of you guys talking/joking about it.

A: Not impossible for FNF to get a physical release. We would want to see how far we could go with it though. I think it'd be super easy to do something wit people like LimitedRun games or whatev, but I think stuff like that can only go so far. I wanna see Funkin in mf Walmart!!!!!!

not that LimitedRun isn't going to be an option! Just we consider and pursue many different things! FNF release is years away, so we have time to think about everything. Whole mindset can be different just a few months from now.

Q: Out of curiosity, how are you dealing with all the popularity? It blew up so fast id barely be able to handle it if I was in your shoes.

A: The only way I've been able to handle it is having the other boys on the crew and being able to talk to them about all the overwhelmingness.

Part of it feels very lonesome, feels like NO ONE can come close to comprehending exactly how I'm feeling, except them. also other PALS!!!

Q: Do you own any of the bootleg FNF merchandise? Like any bootleg plushies or anything?

A: i dont, i genuinely think they r a waste of money, and I know any bootleg shit that gets made, we can prob go about and make it, and make it 100x cooler because we actually put effort into shit. bootleg shit just in it for the coin, so they aint gettin that from me

Q: How did you go about getting in contact with sr pelo for skid and pumps vocals?

A: Pelo i think was familiar and pals wit PhantomArcade a bit thru various Newgrounds things and collabs and whatnot.

pelo retweeted the first OG FNF posts first ever, and brought a LOT of attention to it. to pay him back, we put skid and pump in game! ask dave for more info prob

Q: what's the plan for having the full ass game open source if it's gonna cost money? couldn't people just download the source and compile the game for free?

A: when FNF is fully released, the full source code will be released as well.

the game will be DRM free so it will be way easier for people to redistribute the released/offical .exe instead of compiling it, so that's not the issue anyways. people will pay for things if they like it

Q: What are the chances of it getting on consoles like switch or Playstation, ps5 would definitely be my preferred way to play

A: it'd be a matter of hiring someone to build out backend stuff for those specific consoles. someone who knows their way around all the wacky code stuff, AND knows console hardware stuff. Then its just a matter of hittin up those console manufacturers (Sony, Microsoft, or Nintendo)

the CLOSEST one is SWITCH. pretty much all of that backend is already made, so it just a matter of gettin all that access and shit.

i think in any case though, there's a lot of NDA stuff required, i dunno how much we'd be able to talk about it even IF we get that stuf sorted

Q: any ideas of releasing it on epic store or another platform?

A: Right now, the only thing that is 100% confirmed and WILL happen is a Steam version, itchio version, and mobile versions on respective app stores. Other storefronts aren't out of the picture though, but we don't want to spread ourselves too thin with it.

Q: Will you continue using HaxeFlixel to make the rest of FNF?

A: yes, because it is what I'm the most technically proficient in, and generally is VERY flexible. just a matter of ME becoming a better coder. It's ALL open source, so if I need something done a certain way, either I can do it, or we can hire someone to do it.

Q: have you seen game theory's videos on your game yet and if so, what do you think about them? (not talking about his predictions because i dont want spoilers. i like mystery)

A: it is always good silly fun to watch the Game Theory vids about Funkin with some pals, and see what matpat thinks of the game. i lov the vids, but wish he used my face less! Or at least used a cuter pic of me like this one!!

Q: Ok so: What does the future of FNF look like to you?

A: future of FNF is a rhythm game that not only exceeds every expectation that people have of it, but subverts most expectations and conventions as well.

Q: Do you plan on retouching on older weeks once the game is fully out? Like reanimating sprites, redoing some charting, updating the background, etc

A: retouching and probably overhauling certain aspects is almost definitely gonna happen. Everything is fluid and can be changed (and should be changed when necessary). i dont think anything should be too attached to, especially this early on in development

Q: I honestly do not care if the answer to this is vague as hell to keep surprises and shit lol but… Since Week 7 was the closest we’ll get to a playable girlfriend (still bf controlling tho), do you have plans to make girlfriend playable in spin-off things or just freeplay?

A: wouldnt be out of the picture for a playable GF, i don't think we've had some hard thing AGAINST it. just a matter of what we want out of the game, and what sort of story or whatev we could do with that concept

Q: How do BF and GF manage to meet famous newgrounds characters (such as pico, tankman and the others to come) like is this all in one universe/ timeline or are they being brought in?

A: i think they are all just there existing. i think there's a lot of wacky things in other media that try to justify crossovers, like MULTIVERSE bullshit or TIMELINE shit, but i dunno, its like subspace emissary. Captain Falcon and Olimar from Pikmin just hang out. Shit like dat

disclaimer that all lore shit is in phantomarcade head pretty much and maybe there is wacky dimensions or somethin

Q: Will the game have dlc?

A: its not too unlikely that we'd have expansions of some sort, but i mean right now we plan on packing in as much as we can into base game, and trying to make that as pure as possible.

if there is ANY dlc, i would personally want it to be 100% free updates

Q: How did you meet Phantom Arcade, Kawai Sprite, and EvilSker? And what do you think about the community and its controversies?

A: me and phantomarcade been fukin around NG for years so years and years ago we naturally crossed paths and became pals

about 2 years ago i found kawaisprites music on NG, and started talkin wit him, made Ritz wit him and we fell in lov

and evilsk8r i met cuz of FNF!!!

quik elaborate on evilsk8r, wanted artist for gamejam FNF was for (ludum dare), and OG person i asked wasnt available, so he referred me to evilsk8r, who I have never met or talked to before ever.

[qqueenofhades]

Hi there. I've been scrolling through your "school stuff" tag but thought I'd ask directly - how did you find the transition to actually moving outside of the U.S. for your PhD? I'm looking at something similar and I'm wondering about your experience with the logistics (finding somewhere to live, visa, etc!). Thanks in advance, and congrats on being a doctor!

Oh lord. Why would you do that to yourself? I feel like that tag is mostly just intense kvetching, bogglingly obscure nitpicking complaints, and existential despair, and/or yelling at various institutions and/or people who could not do their god damn jobs. If you have read that and still actually want my advice, I salute you. I’m presuming you’re asking in regard to the UK, since it’s the only experience I can speak on, so hopefully that’s applicable?

In my case, I studied in the UK for a year as an undergraduate, at Oxford, so I was already familiar with the process (at least somewhat) when it came time to do it again for the PhD. Upfront, we must acknowledge the ugly deformed rabid elephant in the room that is Brexit, and the idiotic reform of UK immigration policy currently ongoing. Long story short, they seem to think they can function without low-skilled migration, that the domestic UK workforce will just happily lark off to do the jobs that working-class EU migrants have been doing, that this won’t totally bomb-crater the NHS, that they can run a country by basically only allowing in PhDs in STEM making over £30,000 a year, etc… so yes, this is a complete joke of an immigration policy and it’s what happens when you elect floppy haired xenophobic douchewads and their nightmare party as prime minister! ANYWAY, they’re introducing a points-based system from 2021, which may not affect you for an application under Tier 4, but UK immigration policy is going to have a lot of very stupid reforms and you’ll want to keep on top of those. If you have an offer in hand from a UK university, it is made somewhat easier, but you’ll still need to budget for processing costs, an NHS subsidy paid in for every year you will be there (something like $300/year), and a trip to a UK visa office to have your fingerprints and biometric information taken. If you don’t live near one, that will be travel expenses and so forth. You then have a temporary visa issued for first entry into the country, and a Biometric Residence Permit which you pick up at your university.

That, at least, was the process the last time I applied for a student visa, and it may all have changed by the time you do it. As noted, there are a lot of upfront visa costs, so you’ll want to be aware of those. You need a number of supporting documents, including offer of study, proof of income or ability to financially support yourself (since most Tier 4 visas either don’t let you work or only work a limited number of hours), proof of English proficiency (as a native English speaker/person from an English-speaking country, you won’t need this), and so on. You can’t start the process before you have the offer, but you’ll want to start it as soon as possible afterward, because it can take several months, and obviously needs to be done before you can travel. You will also want to open a UK bank account as soon as you arrive, which can be done once you have your residential address and a certificate from the student services office at your university verifying that you are in fact a student there. It’s pretty difficult to pay out of non-UK accounts, at least for monthly/recurring transactions, and there are international fees. You will also want a UK phone. I still have my UK phone/phone number despite my current hiatus in America, since most carriers offer free or low-cost roaming in Europe (though subject to change with EU trade negotiations), which is nice. I pay only a little extra to have Global Roaming in North America, so I can still use my phone as if I’m in the UK. If you’re planning to be traveling, this is a nice perk to have.

As far as finding programs goes, I’m sure I don’t need to give you advice on what you’re interested in and where you’re looking. Obviously, universities in the UK are grouped as “Oxford and Cambridge” and “everyone else,” though there are also rankings within those. I have been at both of these; Oxford as an undergrad, and then I did my PhD at a large public university in the North that ranks within the top 10 in the UK. The North will be much lower, living-cost wise (actually, if you can swing it, just… don’t do it in London, the cost of living in London is out of control. Of course, if the program you really have your heart set on is in London, then go for it, but just be aware of what you’re getting into). It’s also a rule of thumb that you don’t go anywhere for a PhD unless they’re paying you. Don’t self-fund a PhD, it’s just too expensive, and any decent university will give you some kind of financial stipend. I had a scholarship that covered three years of full tuition at international rate, which was good, though I had to take out some living-cost loans. So if you’re trying to decide between two programs that have both accepted you, a situation I was also lucky enough to be in, it sounds crass, but: take the money. One university had already offered me the tuition/scholarship, while the other had accepted me but wasn’t sure about funding. So I took the one that paid the scholarship. You need every penny you can get. You will be comically, absurdly, unbelievably broke as a graduate student. I was looking back on it like “wow I really lived for four years on BUTTFUCK NOTHING.” It is not for the faint of heart; you will have financial stress along with academic pressure, and while I was lucky enough to have generous friends and family contributing to my living costs, I still barely scraped through. It is something you should be aware of.

I don’t know if you’ve studied in the UK system before (I’m assuming not), but the structure for a PhD is much less determined than in the American system. It will also vary from university to university, so it’s worth establishing contact with a potential faculty supervisor to ask questions and refine your project proposal. I made contact with my eventual supervisor at my PhD university before I actually applied there; I gave him my (much too broad and pretty unrefined) project proposal and what I was interested in, and he helped me tailor it into something that could be done in a feasible time frame and which would make use of his expertise and contribute to the field. Whatever you’re thinking about pitching as a thesis topic, you probably need to make it more specific. I don’t know what field you’re in; I’m a humanities/history person, obviously, so the rule always seems to be WRITE MORE, INFIDEL. But the point is, the UK system has much less structured time, and basically relies on you to have the self-motivation to go out and conduct the research and write it up, and if you’re someone more used to rigid requirements and classes and so forth, you might find it a little hands-off. If you’re like me and can just be set loose in your field of interest and do your own thing, you’ll like it. I feel like anyone who is serious enough about their subject to want to do a PhD has to be primarily self-motivating, but some people function better with clear guidelines, and those are not always forthcoming. I can’t count the number of times I wished my supervisors would just TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK TO DO, but they usually highlighted something and had me work to figure out how exactly to fix it. They weren’t negligent or uncaring or unsupportive, and the project became much better as a result, but yes, it’s on you to do, and it can again be frustrating.

As far as living, I didn’t try to rent a flat from afar, sight unseen, in my first year. I just registered for postgraduate campus housing, and lived with four predictably horribly messy roommates (why???!) before I managed to escape and rent a private flat for the next three years. You will need a guarantor with a UK address (i.e. not your parents in America) to sign on the lease agreement, especially if you fall below a certain income threshold, and go through the usual background checking and approval. If you want to have the place to yourself, it will be, as noted, much cheaper to find something you can afford in the North and not-London in general, though southern England and the London commuter belt will all be expensive. If you’re okay living with roommates, or you make friends during your program, it might work to room together and share costs, but I am a pathological introvert and don’t like people, so I lived by myself. 

Anyway. Right now, I am in the second round of applications for a Big Deal UK postdoctoral award, which would be for three years starting this fall if I got it, at another high-ranking large public university in the south of England. (So yes, everything that I just said about how much it costs to live in London/London suburbs is me playing myself). I would be applying for a Tier 2 visa (i.e. the permanent/settlement track/full-time work visa) if I got this, which would be another barrel of laughs and different requirements from a Tier 4. That is definitely unhatched chickens which we can’t count yet, as this is a highly competitive/prestigious award and there is absolutely no guarantee that I would get it, but it would mean that I would go through the international moving/visa application process for a third time, so I would once again become too unfortunately familiar with whatever bullshittery is happening now. Le sigh.

I don’t know if any of that is helpful; hopefully so. Let me know if you have more questions, and good luck.

[dontreadthistrashgarbage]

Pt. 6

Guerin got a call at her desk halfway through a project she was working on for HEET. Groaning at the interruption since she knew it would take a while to get her focus back, she took a moment to exhale before answering. "This is Go Guerin."

"Guerin it's Han Jisoo. I need you to come to my office right now."

"Yes, I'm on my way." She said cheerfully before hanging up. Leaving her hand on the phone she stared at it for a moment. "I'm getting fired." She said outloud. Her entire life any time a higher up had asked to see her in their office she immediately assumed the worst. Her stomach churned as she tried to calm herself down, then she stood up, stuck her cell phone in her pocket and left to see the CEO of her company.

She knocked gently on the door and peered in to see Jisoo, who looked up and gestured her in. The room also had a PR manager, the company lawyer and HR. [Yeah this is either about the case or I'm being fired.] She stepped inside and bowed, greeting everyone politely.

"You're not being fired." Jisoo, the CEO quipped.

"Oh thank god." Guerin exhaled, her hand going to her heart as tension left her body.

"I've known you for a long time Guerin. Things have been rough lately and we're working on it. You're an excellent worker and overall an asset to our company, and you're a very good friend." Jisoo said, smiling, though Guerin caught the strain on her face and the serious expression everyone else wore.

"Thank you, I love my job and I want to do well at it. I like this company and how it is run." Guerin bowed with gratitude before sitting down as Jisoo gestured. She looked curiously around.

"All that being said, just like we were worried about you've been targeted again by rumors." Jisoo frowned. Guerin's heart sank, she had just started getting back to her normal mood. What happened now?

The PR manager, Jaemyun showed a printed out article from dispatch, "This was published online about fifteen minutes ago." She informed Guerin, who leaned forward curiously. Her mouth dropped open as she read the headline and stayed open the rest of the article.

"WOW OF A.C.E CAUGHT ON A DATE WITH CONTROVERSIAL FOREIGNER MANAGER OF HEET"

The article was punctuated by a picture of Seyoon and Guerin sitting in the cab, smiling, and another of Guerin getting out and leaning over to say goodbye.

"As you are aware, if you are dating a celebrity we need to know so we can react appropriately." Mina, the lawyer, spoke up.

"Yes of course I know! Which is why you haven't heard anything. We're not dating! We're friends! A bunch of us went out for karaoke and drinks last night and Seyoon rode with me to make sure I got home safely after drinking." She felt embarrassed admitting she had gotten drunk the night before in a professional setting, but she knew in this instance complete honesty was important.

"I figured it was something like that." Jisoo sighed and rubbed her temples. "We've contacted Beat Interactive. They're on their way with Seyoon now so we can talk about how to best handle this. Let's relocate to the conference room."

Guerin's phone was vibrating like crazy while she waited with everyone for Seyoon and his company to come. Charlie and HEET had gotten wind of the scandal as well as some other acquaintances. She only responded to The first two with assurances that she was okay and everything was getting straightened out now before putting her phone on silent and putting it back into her pocket.

It didn't take long for Seyoon, Minseok, Beat Interactives own legal and PR team as well as the CEO Kim Hyeim herself to come in. Everyone stood and bowed, greeting each other appropriately before settling in to discussions.

"Go Guerin has already informed us that they were not on a date." Jaemyun started.

"Kim Seyoon confirmed that, he said they met with a group and he made sure she got home safe as a friend." Started the other PR manager.

Seyoon tilted his head slightly and raised his hand, "Excuse me, but that's not exactly what I said."

For a moment everyone looked at him before Hyeim finally spoke up, "Is there something you want to clarify further?"

"Ah... yes. I said we did meet with a group of friends and it wasn't a date, and that I did excort her home. But it wasn't as a friend." He seemed to have finished talking despite everyone staring at him in need of more information. A few people glanced at Guerin but she was just as lost and put her hands up defensively, unable to withhold an awkward laugh.

"Kim Seyoon, please excuse us but could you explain what you mean by that." Jisoo requested in a polite but stressed voice.

"I like Guerin." He said simply, looking at Jisoo, before his eyes went to Guerin who stared back at him in shock, hands over her mouth, "I've been meeting her as a friend but also with the intention of developing a relationship eventually."

Guerin let out another awkward laugh through her fingers, eyes wide as she ran her hands through her hair in shock before stopping at her neck. Blinking rapidly she tried to center her thoughts.

"I'm guessing this is news to you." Mina stated with a sigh.

"Yea- yes. This is not what I expected." Guerin corrected her formality, sitting up and trying to look professional again.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want it to come out this way." Seyoon said, still watching Guerin's reaction with his unreadable expression. He finally broke his stare and glanced around making it clear the apology was also intended for the rest of the people in the meeting.

"That complicates things." Jisoo frowned and looked at Hyeim, "What is your company policy on dating?" Everyone got filled in on the rules, Seyoon looking back to Guerin who was now chewing her lip thoughtfully. He smiled at her again and she couldn't help sending a smaller smile back to him.

"Go Guerin." Jaemyun brought her back to reality, "If you two are dating we'll need to-" she stopped talking to see Seyoon had raised his hand to politely interrupt again.

"I'm sorry, but we aren't dating. Guerin has only just heard of my intentions and she has not responded." Seyoon smiled as though unaware of the tension. Hyeim put her face in her hands and Jisoo coughed as they both tried to hide what might have been a chuckle.

"I see." Jaemyun nodded slowly, "Go Guerin, are you planning on responding to Kim Seyoon soon or should we write a statement without one?"

"I'm- I'm so sorry." Guerin looked around at everyone, "I've just been taken by surprise. I don't know what to say. And the talk I need to have is... a private one with Kim Seyoon." She finished the sentence hyper aware of how inappropriate it sounded, but relied on the others to understand.

"Why don't we get started on the first part while you two talk? There's some other details we need to address as well regarding Guerin's current legal issues." The Beat Interactive lawyer said. Guerin started as though he had slapped her in the face. Of course that would be a problem now, the case hadn't been resolved so her reputation was controversial and could affect all of A.C.E. Recovering she stood and bowed, then followed Seyoon out.

He turned to her just outside the door but she moved past him, grabbing his sleeve and leading him to a smaller unoccupied meeting room. Closing the door she let out an exhale and leaned against it, eyes shut for a moment as she recuperated. Blinking her eyes open she met Seyoon's gaze and couldn't help but laugh, shoving him slightly.

"What the hell Seyoon?!"

"I was gonna talk to you tonight but, it seemed like a bad idea to hide that." He shrugged.

"I mean yeah, can you imagine if they said we were just friends for that to change in what a week? A month? That would have sucked." Guerin agreed.

"So, if it would have changed," he took a step toward her, taking her words literally, "Does that mean they have?"

"I- I mean." She stammered then put her hand on his chest to stop his approach. "You're distracting me!" Guerin complained. His smile grew, narrowing his eyes mischeviously.

"So you find me distracting?" He wiggled his eyebrows and bit his lip bit didnt advance any closer.

"Yeah of course!" She couldn't hide it, "You're too damn sweet and cute and weird and handsome. You're fun and you keep me on my toes but you also are so genuinely supportive and kind, aaaaaaahhh." She groaned covering her face with her hands again. He reached for her wrists and took her hands in his, holding them both between them. She sighed hopelessly at him.

"You said you acted without thinking last night. I thought you meant that it was a mistake."

"Ah... I meant that I wasn't thinking because I just wanted to be in contact with you." He swung her hands in his lightly as though showing her what he meant, "But I didnt want to say it over text."

"I was actually disappointed." She admitted with a laugh.

"Does that mean you like me too?" He wiggled his shoulders at her and made her chuckle. Guerin peered into his eyes pensively, her heart beating rapidly.

"... yeah. I do. Of course I do."

He pulled her toward him, wrapping her arms around himself before hugging her tightly back. She stepped into it willingly, as she rested her chin on his shoulder and his body against hers, in her arms, it felt surreal. She had idly wondered what embracing him would feel like and now it was happening. But reality brought her back to her senses. Remembering the biggest obstacle, she reluctantly pulled away from him. He was still grinning but it faded slightly at her expression of regret.

"Seyoonie, even if I like you I don't know that we should date..." she started.

He tilted his head inquiringly, waiting for her to continue, "Your lawyer mentioned my case... I have a really bad reputation right now. It's already risky enough when an idol dates but... someone like me? A foreigner with rumors of attacking a fan? How would that affect A.C.E? Your whole career?" She trailed off again, not knowing what to say next.

Seyoon looked pensive and nodded slowly before speaking, "I love being a singer. It's my dream and I don't want to lose that."

"I know, and no one is worth giving that up for!" She agreed quickly.

"We know you're innocent. That's going to be revealed soon." He nodded along with his own reasoning, "And I'm going to get married someday. So I might as well begin with someone I like."

Guerin laughed loudly at his self satisfied expression with his simple logic, "You're too cute, it's killing me."

"Noonaaaa don't die yet." He poked his own cheek as he pouted, "We haven't even kissed yet."

"You little." She failed to look stern and tapped his lips lightly with her hand. He responded by wiggling closer to her. Getting swept up she chose to meet his challenge, moving forward she pecked him suddenly on the lips, then ducked away.

"Hey, wait I wasnt ready!" He called out surprised and reached out to grab her. She spun his arm and turned him so she was facing him and he was up against the wall as she smirked at him in his surprise before he licked his lips and gave a naughty smile.

"Okay, so get ready again." She moved her hands to his torso and leaned in again, eyes fluttering closed. He leaned in the rest of the way to kiss her lingering for a few seconds before they both begrudgingly separated.

"So... we should find out what our bosses have to say. About us..." she felt disheveled suddenly, straightening her clothes and running her hands through her hair. He watched her with a smile before taking her hand again.

"First, you have to tell me." He said.

"Tell you what?" She asked.

"You have to tell me you like me."

"I already did! And then I showed you." She winked then laughed in embarrassment.

"No, you only agreed with me." He glanced up, "and then you showed me." He nodded and looked back at her, "But I want to hear the words."

"Youuuu..." she trailed off, her heart unable to handle this giant baby.

"Noona. Go Guerin! I like you. Do you like me?" He said earnestly.

"Hmmmm..." she teased him, but couldnt Deny him for long, "Seyoonie. I like you." She stated.

"Perfect, now theres no question." He beamed, "you should give me a piggyback ride back to the conference room."

"Absolutely not. Any other time I'm game but we have enough trouble right now." She laughed at his feigned disappointment and snuck him a kiss on the cheek, "have that to keep you happy until after work today." She left for the door and he trotted along after her once he recovered.

The rest of the meeting was a lot of talking, phone calls, more talking, a lot of stress all punctuated by Guerin and Seyoon sneaking glances at each other and trying to not look too pleased due to the stress levels of everyone else involved. Ultimately it was decided that Beat Interactive would announce that while the two were not dating at the time the photos had been taken, they had begun dating recently and hadn't had a chance to confirm before the article was released. In the meantime, PWER, the company Guerin worked for, had gotten clearance from the police department for some details of the case while the police department worked on their own statement since the investigation had been concluded. No one was convinced that it was an ideal scenario but they hoped with everything coming together it could minimize this particular PR nightmare.

"I never should have let you meet them." Minseok complained to Guerin as they trailed out.

"I didn't start this!" Guerin responded defensively, "Besides its not my fault I'm irresistible."

Minseok groaned as Seyoon smiled and held Guerins sleeve for a moment. She glanced at him and slowed a step as he pulled gently backwards.

"Can we still meet after my practice tonight?" He asked quietly so others around wouldn't hear.

"I don't see why not, I was planning to anyway." Guerin said.

He looked around to see if the hallway was clear before sneaking a kiss to her cheek, then speeding past her to catch up with Minseok, his dangerous smile back in place.

"Guerin?" Jisoo looked back suddenly from ahead of everyone, "Will you meet me in my office after I see our guests out?" She asked.

Guerin nodded and when it was appropriate ducked away to Jisoo's office, certain she was getting fired as per her usual anxieties, but also logically knew it wouldnt be likely at this point.

While waiting for Jisoo she pulled out her phone to catch up on her blown up messages.

Han Jisoo returned before Guerin could text HEET through Woojin's phone. The two went into the CEO's office and as soon as the door closed, Jisoo spun on her friend and began smacking her in the arm repeatedly.

"Hey, you're my boss now you're not allowed to do that!" Guerin said in English, laughing and cringing away but otherwise letting it happen.

"You are such a problem sometimes aaah!" Jisoo responded with a final smack, also in english. "And this is how I'm supposed to find out one of my best friends is dating?? And an idol no less!"

"To be fair, I also just found out the same way which is, arguably, worse." Guerin rubbed her eyebrow subconsciously. "None of this even feels real."

"Well it is and now it's my mess to help clean up." Jisoo crossed her arms. Guerin looked at the ground guiltily causing Jisoo to sigh, uncross her arms and hug her friend, "I know it's not your fault. It's just an unfortunate pain in the ass."

"Guerin laughed and hugged Jisoo back, picking her up for a moment, "It's so cute when you swear in English!"

"Hey. Boss. Remember?" Jisoo protested disingenuously.

"It's payback for hitting me."

Jisoo tsked and changed the subject, "Mina is going to come here to talk you through how we're handling the court case since you'll need to testify. But first I wanted to make sure you're okay."

"I honestly havent processed most of today yet so I'm not sure. I was starting to be okay again and I think right now I'm okay too?" Jisoo nodded, knowing her friend had more to add and waited, "I was also wondering... how does this affect me working with HEET again...?"

Jisoo looked serious, "As of right now you not being manager is only temporary. We do need to see how things shake out but nothing has changed. Hopefully with the resolution of this case things will work out."

Guerin nodded in understanding. Jisoo had been friends with Guerin before she had even moved to South Korea as they had met in the states where Jisoo attended school and done internships at record companies around the world to broaden her knowledge of the industry. It helped her family was very well off and able to help her start her own company once she had returned. At that time Guerin was nearing the end of teaching English when Jisoo offered her a job. Guerin would forever be grateful for her friend and knew she had her best interests at heart.

"Jisoo, thanks for sticking with me. I'll fo my best." She said in Korean, it just seemed more genuine.

Jisoo was spared a heart warming response as Mina arrived.

The men of A.C.E were called into a meeting once Hyeim and Seyoon returned from their meeting with PWER. The four other members had an inkling of what it would be about given they too had seen the Dispatch article. Jun had texted Charlie who hadn't had much more information than he did at the time. Once everyone was seated, papers with the statement were passed out but Kim Hyeim talked before they could read it.

"On those papers your holding we have written a statement concerning Kim Seyoon and Go Guerin dating. We've agreed to let PWER and the police handle the statements regarding Go Guerin's legal case. Hopefully with her proven innocence and releasing of actual footage of what happened we won't get much extra blowback to an already risky announcement. Also you should know that as of this afternoon Go Guerin and Kim Seyoon have expressed an interest in dating and going forward they would like to be up front and honest about it."

The expressions on everyone's face changed wildly as she spoke, except for Seyoon who maintained his normal unreadable face, watching her despite the others looking around at each other.

"Wait." Chan started, "So it's TRUE?"

"It wasn't last night but apparently it is now." Kim Hyeim said with a crooked smile.

"Since when did you-?" Jun sputtered and stopped, "So...." the king of reactions lived up to his name as every thought raced through his brain.

"Good for you Wow!" Byeongkwan fist bumped his hyung.

"It's not how I expected you to go for it but it works." Donghun said, patting his friend on the shoulder.

"I didn't even know you felt that way about her?" Chan added, still shocked but smiling along, "Wait, what does that mean for-" he started and the boys swung their gaze to Jun.

Hyeim watched this curiously, "Park Junhee is there something wrong?"

"I wanted to tell you today but..." he trailed off for a moment, "Ah... I also confessed to a woman last night and she might be my girlfriend soon."

Kim Hyeim was frozen, then rested her face in her hands for a moment before looking up to Minseok who appeared just as shocked as she was, "Maybe we should rescind the idea that they can date." She said dryly.

"I'm so sorry I didn't know this was happening. I thought they were friends I didn't think they were their type!" Minseok said in a rush.

"What does that mean?" Jun asked with a hint of aggression as he and Seyoon snapped their faces toward their manager.

"I just meant they're foreigners and I just, i thought you each had a different type and with them being older and Guerin is a lot... they're really good people I'm sorry I'm just shocked." Minseok tried to explain.

Hyeim interrupted, sensing an argument and not wanting to deal with that on top of everything else. "Minseok will chat with me later." She shot him a look, also displeased with his judgment toward women and he bowed his head at the visual scolding, "What we need to figure out now is how we're going to handle the second announcement. I'll get someone from PR to meet with me, Park Junhee and his girlfriend. Until then we'll go through with what we planned for Kim Seyoon since with that article we do not have the luxury of time to discuss things."

She looked at all the boys, "I expect this to have an impact on the fanbase. We've just wrapped up promoting but maybe we can work on a special project for Choice to communicate with them. Think it over and let's start something soon."

The meeting was dismissed and Minseok hung back to talk to Hyeim as the boys meandered back to their practice room.

Guerin waited outside the door to the dance room as HEET wrapped up their practice inside. When their dance instructor left Guerin put a finger to her lips and winked so as not to give away the surprise. She was holding bags of fried chicken and iced coffee for the boys. The dance instructor smiled back and moved on without a word. Peaking around the corner she snuck in while the boys were straightening up or sitting on the ground catching their breath.

"Special delivery!" Guerin announced loudly, holding up the bags of goods. Byoungjin, Minhwan and Seungbin all startled at her sudden appearance, but once all five saw her they hopped up and ran over. Gabriel relieved her of her bags with Minhwan as Seungbin hugged her, Byoungjin held back with Tobio for his turn. Once they had all gotten their hugs in (Guerin had to guilt trip Gabriel and interrupt him setting up for the meal) they settled down to eat with Woojin.

"Woojin told me when your lesson ended and I asked him to let me bring you all food." Guerin explained, handing Seungbin and Gabriel next to her some extra chicken, "Are you boys being nice to him?" They all nodded through bulging cheeks.

"They've been working very hard." Woojin added with a small smile. He seemed the quiet accommodating type so Guerin was happy to hear the boys had seemed to accept him.

"I'm glad." She beamed at HEET as they dug in. "I don't know if you guys have heard anything but I wanted to stop by because I have some news."

"Are you gonna be our manager again!?" Gabriel called out through a full mouth.

"No, dummy. It's probably about the dispatch article." Tobio retorted and he shoved Gabriel away as he leaned into his Japanese teammate smacking his mouth annoyingly loud.

"Tobio is right. It's about the article." Guerin interrupted their bickering.

"Were you really on a date with Wow-hyung?" Minhwan asked, stunned.

"Well, no. We all met as a group of friends and he was making sure I got home safe." Despite telling the truth Guerin felt guilty so she moved on quickly, "But this afternoon after the article came out... while we were discussing how to address it... Seyoonie did confess."

The boys erupted, even shy Woojin reacted with surprise while Seungbin had leapt up, "I KNEW IT! NOONA I KNEW IT WHEN I SAW YOU AFTER THE ZOO!"

Gabriel was downright crowing in excitement as Byoungjin sat in shocked silence and Minhwan clapped excitedly. Only Tobio kept his head enough to ask "But what did you say?"

The boys all quieted again at his question. Guerin felt her face get warm as she responded, "Well he's my boyfriend now." The boys all erupted again, alternating between shocked and happy. Guerin waited for them to calm down before speaking again.

"I double checked with Han Jisoo and she said it so far hasn't meant I can't come back as your manager. But we still need to wait to clear the court case and we will need to see how the public reacts to the statement that we are now in a relationship."

Minhwan frowned, "So if a bunch of people decide to hate you, you won't be our manager?"

Guerin paused, "If it means you aren't safe. And we don't want to hurt your image." The boys looked crushed, "Your debut was strong, and you've all trained so long and so hard for this. I won't let something like my personal life ruin your futures." She added firmly.

"Noona..." Seungbin snuggled up to her and she put her arm around him, "They can't hate you right?"

Guerin wanted to comfort them, looking at all five faces of HEET- even empathetic Woojin seemed sad - but she wouldn't mislead them, "It's unlikely it'll come to that. We'll just wait and see and keep working hard okay? All of us."

Gabriel sulked, "Seungbin-ah was right. Seyoon-hyung was going to steal you from us."

"I understand that's how it looks, but I promise that wasn't the intention. Please don't hold it against him." She squeezed Seungbin and looked at all of them, "I love you all dearly and even if I'm not your manager I'm still working for PWER and we can see each other often like we have been. But my goal is to come back as your manager okay? I haven't forgotten you." The boys nodded quietly.

"Come on, let's finish eating." She encouraged them, changing the subject, "You also need to show me your new dance so far, I heard it's very challenging!"

Before long the seven of them had settled back into cheerful chatter about what HEET was working on next.

[haikyuu-imagines-and-others]

Hello lovelies! Hope life is going well for you. I've been having a rough few days and was hoping I could request a soulmate AU with Asahi or Tsukishima or Ushijima meeting reader for the first time on V-day. Reader is an ex-vball player and was going through physical therapy because they just want to play again. If not, no worries I completely understand. But if so you'd literally be my favorite person right now.

I love SoulMateAU!!!! I love all of them so very much! I’m sorry this is so late though haha its May and this was supposed to be posted around Valentines??? Please forgive me! And thank you for requesting! - Admin Satori

SoulMateAU Selected: @virgno Soulmate au where instead of having the first thing they say tattooed on each other, they instead have a random sentence tattooed that that person will say around them. And so you know it’s not just a coincidence when they say it, the tattoo stings and fades away.

Azumane Asahi:

How could something so insignificant be hurting you so much after years of being dormant? All you’d done is use your knees for receiving on your college Volleyball team! That’s all! And now you’re knees felt like they were about to pop out of their sockets!

You hadn’t thought anything of the pain, initially - mostly because you’d been dealing with pain your whole life. Sports life was rough on the body, after all.

But before you knew it, you were falling to the ground while walking to your next class. You managed to save yourself, gripping onto the bannister next to the stairs. But one of your knees still tapped against the hard floor…. You’d been hit in the face with a spiked volleyball almost too many times to count, and that didn’t come close to the pain you felt explode from your knee!

Thankfully, you’d been near some friends, and they helped you to your feet, scared to touch you in case it’d somehow affect you further! But you were a trooper, no amount of pain was going to keep you down! “I shouldn’t have fallen so many times…” You couldn’t help but regret your favorite move of falling to your knees right in front of the falling ball. While, hell yeah did it look cool, it was terrible for your body. So many shocking stops rocked through your body every time you pulled off that save. The crowds would go wild, you’d feel pride swelling in your chest, and the game would continue on.

The abuse of your body would keep taking its toll on it.

“I’m fine, I swear! Just go to class and I’ll see you later, okay?” Your friend frowned, not believing you’d be alright - not because you wouldn’t recover but because they knew you’d just go at the sport again. It wasn’t Volleyball season, so you had a break from the sport… but you’d be back. The game had you by the soul.

You don’t know how long you sat in the waiting room, feeling your knee twinge now and then, not knowing if it felt more ticklish or painful to react properly. If you were being honest with yourself, you were scared to touch it. Worried you’d somehow screw it up more. Which would’t be a surprise to you, since you were the reason you were sitting alone in the on campus physicians office anyway.

After a few minutes of staring at the clock on the wall across from you, being lulled into a sort of rhythmic trance, you pulled your attention away from it…. To instead stare down at your inner arm.

At the tattoo that’d plagued your body since the day you were born.

“T-Tsubaki-Sensei, I need your signature for this.”

What a dumb thing to have written on you. Did your soul mate have a speech impediment? Who was Tsubaki-Sensei? Why’d they need a signature?

Irritation had formed in the pit of your stomach as soon as you’d known what the tattoo meant. The first words your soul mate uttered. Either to you or not was really up to the fates. Your last name wasn’t Tsubaki. You didn’t know anyone by that last name, or first! There were so many places that needed the signature of a superior or advisor… You’d felt an irritation of hopelessness gnawing at your heart for the longest time. As far back as you could remember, really, there’d always been that feeling of ‘I’ll never find them’. Desperation or depression, you were torn between the two.

If anyone asked, you’d claim you’d given up. Didn’t care whether you’d find them or not - that it was their loss if neither of you found the other. Truly their loss since you were obviously so amazing, right? Your thoughts soured, taking your mind off the still twitching pain of your knee.

“I just want to go home.” Oh how you wanted to pull your legs to your chest and hide your face in your knees…. But you didn’t - that would hurt more than they were right now. And you were in public…. You could wait to get home to cry… Alone in your room and wondering where in the vast world was your ‘soul mate’.

The door to the physicians offices opened, revealing a sweet looking young woman, “_______-san? The Doctor will see you now.”

You wanted to be rude. You wanted to point out that the ‘doctor’ wasn’t really a doctor. He was nothing more than a student practicing on others to further his experience. If you’d really had the choice, you would have gone to see your family physician, someone you trusted to actually take care of you and not treat you like a guinea pig.

But you held your tongue and struggled to your feet, feeling your knees protest when you almost feel forward. Karma for wanting to be rude, you supposed. But you paid no mind to it and pushed forward, reaching the door a bit later after the announcement than you would have liked.

The nurse, much shorter than you, offered you her hand as a form of support. And you took it. “That looks pretty painful… We’ll probably be giving you crutches until we get your X-Rays back.” It was going to be a long day, you knew she wanted to say. Or at least a long recovery road.

“Well, as long as I heal quickly. I have plans for the Volleyball season coming up.”

The young lady didn’t say anything in response, internally shaking her head at your stubbornness. Physical Therapy was a timely thing, that you’d have to partake in, if you were ever going to get any better. But she remained silent, knowing you were in a foul mood from your sudden injury. Helping you onto the examination table, she took her report clipboard and took some information from you. Name, birthday, last four of social, student ID - even your blood type.

You weren’t in the mood to deal with so many pleasantries. You wanted nothing more than to go back to class. For a second you found amusement in your preference. School over a sick day? Imagine that.

Just as the young woman was about to ask you to stretch your leg out - to see the extent of your damaged knee, the examination room door opened to reveal an older man. If you had to guess, you’d say he was about 3 years older than you. A Senior. Getting his PhD. Practicing on students who had serious ailments or issues.

“My, My, Now what happened to you? Slip and fall?” You shook your head, “Jump down five stories and land rough?” Another shake of your head, “Past sports injury?” No movement from you had the doctor smiling before holding up a beige folder, “It’s in your file.” God, now you were really irritated. You just wanted to go home. Or class. Whichever got you furthest away from this supposedly funny doctor. “I’m Dr. Tsu-“

The door opened once more, and you felt a flash of anger rise from your chest - weren’t there enough people in the room making fun of your pain? You didn’t need any more!

A young man peeked around the door to see the doctor was waiting patiently for him to speak, “T-Tsubaki-Sensei, I need your signature for this.” He walked into to room, beelining straight for the doctor for what he needed so he could go.

New pain. Searing on your arm - as if someone took a flame and held it close to your skin. You inhaled sharply and pulled your arm to your chest, feeling your skin throb from the sudden irritation to it. Letting out a deep sigh, one that held the aftereffects of catching your breath, you looked down at your arm.

But you had to do a double take. Once at the young man who’d entered - scruffy looking almost, man bun, dark… deep, cute… brown eyes that kept looking around the room anxiously - then back at the tattoo… that HAD been on your arm. It was gone. Completely Gone.

The only thing that remained, to give an inkling to the presence of a tattoo to begin with…. Was a simple scar - very light, as if you’d gone to get the tattoo removed.

Then your eyes were back on the young man, and he noticed your staring almost immediately. He coughed uncomfortably, not seeing the current surprise and dilemma you felt in your heart. You’d SEEN this guy before. You’d known about him - about his high school records on his volleyball team. Azumane Asahi. The famed Ace of Karasuno’s Revival… And he was here in the physicians office? Nowhere near your current clique. So far from your possible reach.

How would you have ever found him? If not for this moment? If not for your injury.

“You? You’re supposed to be mine?” How could you not be incredulous? Years you’d wondered who he was talking to, why he had to answer to anyone, why he had a stutter to his voice - was he anxious? Scared? Worried? Come to find out, he was all three at once - a bundle of nerves just for you. Azumane Asahi was your soul mate.

Asahi suddenly hissed, his hand pressing against his ribcage - feeling a burning sensation wrack through his body. But his lightbulb went off faster than yours had - and then he was staring back at you with wide brown eyes, a soft blush coming to his cheeks when he realized just how…. Sudden this meeting was… he looked a mess and you… well, you looked beautiful. He’d heard about you, too. You were a legend from your own Volleyball team, the current volleyball team. “_-_-_______? It’s… It’s you?”

Despite the suddenness of the reconnection of two souls in all the cosmos, you couldn’t help the fond smile on your face, prompting his own to imitate you, “So… I’m assuming your my Physical Therapy Doctor?”

Tsukishima Kei:

“Are you dense?”

What kind of asshole would you end up with that would talk to you like that? All these years, you’d been self conscious - not only of your intellectual impact and skill, but of the words that marked your body. How negative and rude they’d seem on your worst of days.

To make up for your soulmates already predetermined foul mood, you’d tried so hard to be positive - to show the light in the darkness, to be able to lend a hand or a shoulder for friends who were drowning in their own sorrows…. Not that they truly had much to be sad about… You were the one with an asshole for eternity.

But thinking like that would only cause darkness to enter your heart, so you pushed those thoughts away… Because you wouldn’t let your rude soulmate predetermine your own attitude.

“I wonder if he’s actually really nice… Like a total sweetheart.”

You were shaking your head before they finished with their sentence, “I doubt it… What kind of ‘nice’ person belittles someone without even knowing them?” Your close friend, Yuki, was quite the optimist when the two of you were compared. You wondered if your soulmate would make a better pair with her rather than you, who had to try your hardest at being kind and nice. It was just so easy to be rude and sarcastic!

Yuki shrugged, “Well, who knows? You might be surprised- ______! Watch out!”

Before you could understand what she was warning you about, a large mass came crashing into your body, effectively knocking the air out of you. Their form was much larger than yours, and you stepped back in a barely recognizable sense to equalize their weight with your own. But your foot caught the wrong angle of the curb of the walkway, and you felt your ankle roll under your weight.

Thankfully, the body of the young man who’d crashed into you was removed, and apologies went flying when they realized you’d drop to take in the damage of your ankle. But you didn’t cry. You bit your lip harshly, tears springing in your eyes, and heavy breathing wracking your lungs. But not a single whimper escaped from your. Which the young man thought was odd, “I am so so sorry! Oh my God… Here, let me help you… “

You wanted to push him away, wanted to beg Yuki to tell him to leave - hell you wanted to curse your lungs out at the idiotic boy who throws his body around like a ragdoll! You had quite the extensive vocabulary for curses, so you knew it would hit home at one insult or the other.

But you only pressed your lips together tightly and nodded your head, feeling Yuki’s softer hands reach down to help you back to your one good foot, “______, it’s alright to cry, you’re hurt!” Your inhale was shaky and slow, and Yuki’s eyebrows shot up, “Uh.. Yeah we need to get her to the nurse as soon as possible…. She’s about to lose it.”

“Like her mind?”

“Like her patience.” The young man jumped into action and swooped you into his arms before trotting over to the nurses station inside the building. The journey was less than comfortable, and you felt every single of his footfalls shoot electric fire to your jarred ankle.

Thankfully, the scene of the accident wasn’t far from medical help, and you were sitting in an examination room before you could really come to terms with the pain currently ripping through your ankle. The young man stayed with you, his guilt pulling his senses from any other priority he’d had before crashing into you.

You supposed on a certain level you appreciated his taking responsibility for what he’d done. But more so than not you wanted to punch his damn lights out for possibly putting your volleyball career in jeopardy.

“________ was it? I’m so sorry, I wasn’t paying attention and I was just doing my afternoon jog around the school and I guess I got so into picking the music and - “

He shut his mouth as soon as you held up your hand, he was well trained and you briefly wondered by who but it ultimately didn’t matter, “Look, I just need you to shut up and let me mourn the loss of my foot, okay?” The door opened and in came in a tall, lanky, blond young man - not 2 years older than yourself you were sure. He was good looking, but you were currently giving the jarhead to your left the chewing out of his lifetime. “Thanks to you, I’ll never be able to play volleyball again, do you realize that? It’s all your fault, you blind idiot.”

You could have sworn you saw the doctor flinch.

Years of being nice and kind and sweet, crumbling before you in a split second - an accident that could cause your entire life to fall apart was all it took for your patience to completely snap. The young man looked downright ashamed, his shoulders low, his head hung, his eyebrows furrowed as he internally wracked his brain for anything to say to make up for what he’d probably done.

Cool fingers touched the heated, swelling of your ankle, and you jumped in surprise - restraining your knee jerk reaction to kick the perv in the face! But when you looked down at your ankle, you saw the top of the blond doctor’s head. He didn’t say a word, just allowed his fingertips to gently, with a ghostly stroke, poke and prod your ankle. He was a professional, it seemed, so you didn’t question him.

Shifting beside you had you glaring at the young sports boy, “I don’t think your career is ruined…. Maybe delayed… You know there are a lot of great athletes who’ve had to go through physical therapy to get their movement back.”

Your glare didn’t lessen, in fact you threw in an ‘unimpressed eyebrow’ to make it more severe. You felt eyes on your face, and when you glanced back down to the doctor, you could have sworn he’d turned his attention back to your ankle. Though there was a slight uplift to his cheek… As if he were smiling at you giving this jock the business.

“I know you don’t believe me, _____, but it’s going to work out! It’s going to be hard as hell, but it’ll be fine! Physical therapy is the end all to accidents!”

The fingers on your ankle stilled, and the blond doctor tilted his head a bit, his eyes squinted as if he were trying to see through what the jock had said to see the truth… Or at least the sense of his words. His lips pursed, then pressed together to keep what he had to say to himself.

But in the end, he couldn’t contain himself. “Are you dense? Physical therapy doesn’t fix everything, moron. You’re lucky it’s only a sprained ankle and not something worse. What kind of idiot thinks Physical Therapy can solve everything they screw up on?”

Stinging pulled your attention from the conversation in front of you, pulled it straight to your hip. Your hand rested over the tingling you felt under your waistband, but you needed to know. You needed to know now. So you leaned back on the examination table, resting on your hand as you pulled down the waistband of your pants just enough to see where your tattoo…. Had been.

All that remained was irritated skin… And the outline of what had once marked your body for so long.

“Jeez, Tsukishima, you don’t have to be an asshat about it just because you’re a fancy pre-med.” The jock held up his hands in mock defense, finding the doctors insults to be a bit much even for his track record.

Your eyebrows furrowed as you finally looked up from your hip, away from the red skin, from the faint hint of a tattoo…

And you met the eyes of the young man who’d uttered the rude words that had plagued your entire life. Hardened gold, sharp and observing…. You. The gulp that rushed down your throat was not your decision, but at the sight of it the doctor, Tsukishima, sent you a smirk.

“I thought… I thought you’d say that to me…” It was so soft, you weren’t even sure you’d call that a whisper, especially not coming from you.

Tsukishima stood up straight; You hadn’t noticed how tall he was when he’d entered the room. It was almost like he was ignoring you as he picked up your medical record and made his notes, indicating what actions he’d taken and what would be the next steps in your recovery. “Ryo… You can go now - I’ll issue her a pair of crutches and contact someone who can help her to her dorm.” The young man, Ryo, went to protest, but Tsukishima shooed him away without another word.

“Good luck, ______… Salty-shima.” A baby snide, but it had you snickering at your doctors expense.

Then silence enveloped the room, the air between you and Tsukishima seemed… charged.. Or maybe expecting… The two of you had been destined for the other, so you’d both known this moment was coming… That didn’t make either of you prepared for the moment you’d meet. And while the two of you tried to grasp at anything to say to the other, to their own soulmate, Tsukishima took his time in wrapping your very angrily swollen ankle in a tight but necessary gauze.

“Did you know who I was…? When you walked in?”

He hadn’t thought you’d notice his flinch, so he nodded, “The inside of my bicep felt on fire. But I had no idea it would be you before this. Aren’t you supposed to be the nice one?” A small teasing smirk, and you felt your heart soar into your throat, making a blush bloom across your cheeks at just the sight of something so snarky.

You couldn’t tell if you wanted to hit him or kiss him.

“Oh, nothing to say?” Another smirk, and you could feel his poking at your self control, “I figured you’d give me some sort of challenge.” You cleared your throat and he glanced up at you curiously, raising a fine blond eyebrow.

“My challenges seem to be more of the…. Physical … type….” You winked, and internally you were screaming. Did you really just come on to your own soulmate within the first hour of meeting each other?? What kind of horn-dog were you??

But an amused chuckle escaped his mouth as he rose back to full height, taking note in your record as he dug, “Not with that ankle they aren’t.”

You had never been so excited to be bullied.

Ushijima Wakatoshi:

For years you’d felt a harsh sense of jealousy… eating you alive every moment you were with your friends or family… With people who’d both met their soulmate and those who hadn’t yet - no matter where you were you felt raging envy ripping you to shreds.

Not because you were alone.

Not because your tattoo, the first thing your soulmate would say to you, was placed oddly on the pressure point of your neck.

Neither of those things had cause the green monster inside you to cause havoc of your life. Those two were manageable.

“You.”

That’s what your tattoo said. Simple. One word. You couldn’t remember the last time ‘you’ wasn’t used in talking to another human being, animal, plant - for fucks sake you were sure it was used when referring to companies and buildings! You wouldn’t doubt it at the very least!

So realizing how ultimately futile it would be for you to talk to every single person, and get your hopes up every single time their first word to you wasn’t you… it’d been the day you’d lost all hope. There wasn’t a point to searching for him anymore.

After the sense of despair of helplessness passed, though, you moved onto rejection. Did you really want a man who only said one word to his soulmate? One word to anyone in general? Why would you want someone so communicatively delayed?

Your course of action at that time was to avoid anyone of the opposite sex that you hadn’t talked to already. Purposely turning the other way and walking away without an explanation. You’d even done it to a few professors when they’d come to welcome you to their class. You’d be damned if you ever met this bastard who couldn’t talk to save his ass.

When you tripped over a fellow player during a Volleyball game, you thought you’d hit the jackpot! This meant being home, bedridden, the only people coming or going would be friends and family, people who knew you and could actually talk like normal adults!

But the stars in your eyes had immediately beens snuffed out when you came to conclusion… If you didn’t fix your busted knee… you’d never be able to play your favorite sport ever again.

That had been your motivator. That had pushed you to go to physical therapy and take their medications to help with the pain. Those doctor meetings were quiet. Almost cold whenever the doctor referred to you, or asked for your opinion on something. Not that they really noticed, you offered, they were too busy making money off your injury.

The very first day in the physical therapy building, in the exercise workshop, you felt…. Something close to dread fill your body.

So many young men. Each with their own physical issues. None of which… you’d ever met before.

With each eager young man coming to you, introducing themselves and offering their help in your recovery, you felt more at ease. None of them hit that magic word. None of them seemed to care for anything other than possibly touching your body. Which you immediately put a stop to, saying you were fine helping yourself.

Each day a new young man came in with an injury, sometimes a girl, and each day someone would get healthy enough to pass the physical therapy challenge and move on with their lives. Move on from this obstacle of getting better and exercising their injured body part.

But no matter how much exercise you did… Your knee only seemed to get worse. Only hurt a little more every day.

Your hand slipped from the railing that held your weight as you exercised your knee. And you felt like you were immediately going to perish now that you had no support under you. Unknowingly, you let out a yelp of surprise when you fell forward.

But you didn’t hit the ground. Your legs hand’t buckled under you. In fact they were stock straight as if you had just been about to fall face first against the floor. You’d closed your eyes tightly but when you felt yourself being pulled back up to a standing position, albeit crouching since you still needed the support of the hand rails, you opened your eyes and turned your head to face your savior!

Olive eyes met your gaze dead on, and you felt a sense of… not quite unease, but more concern. Had he been staring at you the entire time? You cleared your throat, still dedicated to not uttering a word to any male. Not while you were still an unclaimed soul. You didn’t want to give anyone the satisfaction of the possibility. Especially your soulmate who didn’t even know how to properly talk to someone!

You recognized your savior. He was the ace of his high school, and you thought you’d seen his teams promotional pictures all over the campus to bring in the crowds to his college games. Ushijima, you thought his name was. Or something close to it. Thankfully, you noticed he wasn’t much of a talker either, he nodded to you before turning and doing his healing lunges back to the other side of the room.

From that day forward, you couldn’t stop thinking about his eyes. His furrowed eyebrows. Had he been waiting for you to say something? Had he been thinking you would? You’d wanted to, you wanted to be polite to anyone who helped someone out… But how could you risk it?

Not that there was much to risk. Your disappointment? Your pride? Maybe just a few seconds of your time?

It hadn’t been two weeks since he’d helped you from falling on your face, and you couldn’t stop glancing over in his direction whenever you were able. You didn’t think you were obvious, but more than a few times you’d catch his gaze - and a warmth would bloom in your chest before spreading across your cheeks and making you look away.

But he wasn’t innocent. More than a few times, you’d catch him staring at you. An unrecognized expression on his face, as if he were lost deep in thought. You’d heard around that Ushijima was more of the strong and silent type, only speaking when absolutely necessary or whenever he saw fit. You respected that about him. You’d also heard he was more of the gentle giant, that he usually looked very scary and unapproachable or even like a monster… but he was nothing more than a giant teddy bear.

So it wasn’t scary for you to walk straight up to him, with your crutches pinching your underarms, “Why are you always staring at me? Haven’t you seen someone recovering from a messed up knee before? Don’t you think you could be a little more subtle?” You huffed in frustration, sending him a glare, wanting him to know you didn’t appreciate his blatant staring. “What are you staring at?” Rhetorical, you knew it was you, but you wanted to know why. What about you was causing his eyes to return to you with every chance he got.

The flinch of his was so minuscule, so minor, you weren’t sure it was what you’d seen. Maybe one of his muscles twitched? Maybe he’d taken issue with what you’d accused him of.

But Ushijima felt an explosion of fluttering erupt in his chest, and the following warmth had his olive eyes softening as he stared down at you. He wasn’t one to make the first move, and thankfully you’d done that for him. So he didn’t feel too worried when he reached out and pushed your hair behind your ear.

Revealing your tattoo.

“You.”

Just as you were going to slap his hand away, accuse him of being like all the others and saying your tattoo just to make it seem like he was your soulmate…. You felt pain shock over your pressure point. As if your tattoo had erupted into flames.

Your hand reached up and covered your tattoo, or at least where it had been, and your eyes twinged almost closed while you stared up at him. Ushijima’s expression was unreadable as he lifted his shirt with his other hand, showing off his impressive torso. SO many muscles, so much skin to touch, your fingers twitched against your jaw - you WANTED to touch him.

But that wasn’t the reason he was flashing you. Your eyes took their time appreciating his physique before landing on his pectoral muscle… His knuckles resting on his skin just before his collarbone, just above the irritated skin. You could barely make out what it had said before burning him - but the trace remains pointed to your accusatory question.

So this was your communicatively delayed soulmate.

[marissastaxidermy]

Hi, I've read an article named "hunting myths and facts" when I was searching for arguments for and against hunting, and what do you think about it? It says that baiting deer with human food is dangerous and that wildlife agencies artificially raise deer populations before hunting season.

Hello, I’m glad you asked! Before I get into it I just want to say that I’m grateful you are doing some research, are willing to ask questions, and that we can have this conversation peacefully. I looked up the article that you are referencing and it does make some seemingly good points, but also seems biased and only scratches the surface. For anyone else who would like to read it: link. My partner is going to help me answer this because it is a very multifaceted topic- thus this will be a long post. Please note most of our experience is based on New York state.

Let’s first address the artificial overpopulation argument.The article seems to say that state agencies purposely create habitat that willincrease deer populations for hunting. They mention clear cutting and plantingfood plots.

Clear cuts:

It is true due to colonial clearcuts we have lost much of our old growth stands in America. However, allforests should not be old growth. In a natural setting forests go throughdisturbance (ice, wind, fire, natural inundation, etc), this resets what istypically referred to as forest succession. Some trees like the pitch pine Pinus regida have what’s called aserotinous cone. These serotinous cones are glued shut and can only open torelease seeds once fire has partially burned them. They have adapted thisstrategy as they would be out competed by other trees which are less resistantto fire, so this tree saves its seeds until fire comes through. In the animalworld we have species like the Kirtland’s warbler Setophaga kirtlandii, these birds can only nest in jack pines, Pinus banksiana less than 15 years old.The New England cottontail, Sylvolagustransitionalis is declining more than ever due to a lack of earlysuccession (freshly disturbed sites).

The main problem is disturbance forforests will also disturb humans. We suppress natural disturbances like fire.By encouraging sustainable logging (plant whatever you cut) you can maintainevery stage of forest succession while still providing forest products, jobs,and specialized habitat. For every species I mentioned that needs earlysuccession, there’s an alternate species that requires old growth, or mid stagesuccession.

State agencies boast better deerhunting through clear-cutting because it’s true. It incentives the public bygetting clear-cuts on their side. Clear-cuts improve deer by improving theirhabitat – this is not the same thing as overpopulating deer. The bottom line iswhether it is for deer or not, clear cuts are necessary in a world where humansoccupy and control so much habitat.

Food Plots:

               In mostcases food plots are not encouraged by state agencies. However, this does vary fromstate to state. As a former employee of the bureau of wildlife in the NYSdepartment of environmental conservation I want everyone to understand wildlifemanagement is more human management than anything else. When feeding deer wasfirst banned in New York it was such an ingrained practice in the Adirondackregion (I.E region 5 & 6) that not only did the people not stop, but policeofficers in the area refused to enforce the law. Most recently while I wasworking in region 3 we were seeking to eradicate mute swans, Cygnus olor. The mute swan destroysrooted plants, is incredibly aggressive, and without getting into too muchdetail is simply a horrible invasive species which is bad for native waterfowland wetlands. It seems like a no brainer, if we can aim to eliminate theharmful hemlock woolly adelgid, Adelgestsugae why not another destructive invasive species? In short the publicwas so outraged that the state government wanted to kill the “symbol of love”the management plan was rapidly scratched. Just because something makes sensefrom a management perspective does not mean it can be implemented! My salary isnot paid by the tax payers, all management is not aided by nature lovers,hikers, bird watchers, or animal rights groups. My salary is paid by theRobert-Pittman act and hunting licenses. When you buy a gun and a huntinglicense you’re not just helping deer, you’re helping most species. State agenciesopenly want better deer hunting, however overpopulated deer do not generallymake for good hunting.

Would a Wildlife Management agency support hunting?Absolutely. People rarely raise money for biologists any other way. That’s alltrue. Hunting is not an incentive for the biologists who genuinely want to seea more sustainable ecosystem and understand wildlife, but rather the incentivefor the public to support them. What wildlife management units want is toencourage farmers to manage their land in a way that supports and preserveswildlife, instead of just pushing wildlife out and solely favoring ‘game’/deerto hunt. I don’t think wildlife management workers have ever called for addingfood plots to state/federal land and refuges. Even though its public land it istypically illegal for the public to disturb the land by planting anything.Biologists are free to manage it as best for all wildlife and we can see thatfood plots to artificially boost deer populations are not part of the plan.This article is focusing on private land, where a biologists can’t see afragmented and unhealthy habitat and just decide to fix it. They need toconvince the land owner that it will benefit them and most often land ownerswill only cooperate if it supports better hunting (even though it’s reallybenefiting soil, plants, birds, entire ecosystems, etc on top of it). Severalstate agencies even have programs to incentivize agricultural land owners totransform farmland into wetlands (wetland reserves programs) to decrease theeffects of soil erosion and support all native wildlife.

Humans:

               Highways,lawns, agriculture, and roads provide more edge habitat than deer can use. Illegalfeeding, or unintentional feeding (ornamental plants or gardens), and wintershelter from homes all cause overpopulation. It has been observed that yardingdeer will often seek the warm of a home as a windbreak above conifer stands.Before hunting regulations the white-tail deer was near extirpated from NewYork. In fact New York did lose the wild turkey, Meleagris gallopavo from the 1850s until it was reintroduced inthe 1950’s. Now because of artificial help they’re doing better than ever, andthey’re doing especially well in communities without hunting. Suburban deer area nightmare in the world of wildlife biology.

               Withoutnatural predators and with all the artificial help deer can get, it’s no wonderthey are largely overpopulated in many areas. Most harvestable species arewhat’s called compensatory. State agencies only have hunters kill a proportionof the population that will be eliminated with or without humans. For example,roughly 20% of the mallard population, Anasplatyrhynchos will die every year. USFWS aims for hunters to take around10-11%. No matter if you have a very liberal season or a very conservativeseason, the amount of ducks dead does not change. We could allow the full 20%to die off and lose the economic value (hunting license, gas, coffee, ammo,staying at hotels, camping, etc), but in the case of many species that revenueis critical in protecting them. Humans destroy habitat, pollute ecosystems, andbuild projects right over key habitat. Without that revenue we wouldn’t have aDEC or DNR to clean spills, conduct environmental impact statements, monitorpopulations, or survey for T&E species.

Carrying Capacity  

               It istrue you cannot have more species alive than the environment can support. Wesee an S shaped curve for the carrying capacity of many rabbits. The populationbooms, then busts. The problem with deer is we support them above the carryingcapacity indirectly. Many areas in Long Island, NY are overrun by deer with nopredators and no hunters. In some urban cases agencies hire trained sharpshooters to come and kill deer in the middle of the night. Eventually, yes youdo see the deer population drop, but it’ll come right back with the problemsassociated. Why allow individuals to die of from disease and starvation when wecould be generating revenue for most other species, wildlife refuges, andbiologists to monitor the ecosystem. When DDT’s were decimating the eaglepopulation in the 1960’s and 70’s Robert-Pitman money generated by hunters surehelped state research scientists like Peter Nye (In NY) to figure out what wascausing the problem and how to fix it.

               Inshort, hunting is extremely important. The way humans are you wouldn’t havedeer without regulatory hunting. People would definitely poach illegally and decimatepopulations without regulation (like what happened to the Passenger Pigeon) orunintentionally produce an overpopulation through simply owning a home andgarden. Overpopulations of deer encourage the very factors (disease, stuntedgrowth, early death (i.e smaller antlers)) hunters don’t want to see. If theright amount of people harvest deer, you won’t have population booms and busts,you’ll only have that compensatory portion of the population utilized. Thearticle also says that good genes are weeded out through hunting. The strongaren’t necessarily the ones who survive when it comes to natural deaths, it’s agame of luck. The article argues that only trophy animals are hunted so thepopulation’s genes suffer, but hunting seasons begin during the end of thebreeding season. So any of the ‘trophy’ deer that are harvested will stilllikely have offspring because they are usually the first to breed. It also doesnot give deer the credit they deserve. The biggest bucks are typically theoldest and they didn’t get to that age by being stupid. It’s arguable that theyrecognize the hunting season and will stay hidden away or in extremely ruralareas to avoid it. The majority of hunters will probably never even see deerpast the age of three years old during hunting season. Here is a journal thatattempts to determine the causes of the decline in bighorn horn sizes (theproblem mentioned in the article). It does not seem that hunting pressure is one of the main causes, even with thelargest trophies being sought out.

Finally my biggest issue is theending paragraph because they are so incredibly correct! And then they go tothe other extreme. No, not every person in America should hunt. That would becompletely unrealistic and decimate wildlife. People cannot be trusted when itcomes to moderation, and excess harvesting is no exception. For the same reasonthat everyone hunting wouldn’t work, everyone becoming vegan would not work.Agriculture does a lot of native habitat damage and when harvested with machine(which would be unavoidable if every person was vegan) results in mass animaland insect death. The only way for everyone to be completely cruelty free is toeither sustainably gather wild edibles or grow your own food, preferablyharvesting wild invasives and growing plants without pesticides. Even thatposes a problem, if every person harvested their own wild edibles we’d depletethe natural resource. 

So to conclude: things are neverever cut and dry. Yes, wildlife management does encourage hunting but thatargument does not necessarily provide all the facets that go into thatdecision. Yes, feeding deer with human food is definitely dangerous (here’sa little handout about that), but farmers can be incentivized to plant thingslike clover that they will eat. Hunters can be jerks, I’m not denying that, buthunting is not inherently about raising deer or trophies to kill for sport.Vegetarians are not wrong. Vegans are not wrong. The irony is we need ALL ofthese lifestyle variations to survive. 

[mollymauk-teafleak]

(Prompt) ‘’I thought I’d never see you again” hug for Alex and 'Liza because I've been rereading your fic and I'm traaaash for it and you hi

Aw thanks so much! Hope you like it

Eliza didn’t understand. How could she feel so lonely when, technically, she never was alone anymore? How could she feel so limp and lifeless inside when she only had to press a shaky, almost apologetic hand to her swollen stomach to feel the little pulse of life echoing away in there, some dark, faraway place she couldn’t see that didn’t really feel like her own body? How could she feel so black and white when she was surrounded by the tastefully chosen, sunshiny pallets of her parent’s mansion? How could she feel so depressingly two dimensional when she was anything but, so three dimensional it made her back ache and her head dizzy and confided her to the living room chaise lounge like a magnet dragging her no matter how hard she dug her heels in.   

That was where she was when Angelica found her; home for the summer just before starting her new job up in Chicago officially but, in all honesty, her purpose was to help her sister through this.

It wasn’t spoken of, Catherine and Philip dealt with too much outside these walls to risk talk of the war, of politics, of Eliza’s situation (Catherine’s choice of words felt poor and harsh, grating even, but there was little else on offer) leeching into the picturesque, wholesome family unit they’d worked so hard and come through so much to cultivate. So, through sheer force of will, Philip achieved something few generals and senators managed and left his work at the front door. Catherine limited talk of her own job to the bare, inoffensive bones of who in her office was particularly getting on her nerves this week, not the flood of humanitarian crisis cases they were being flooded with as the war received what they all silently and expressionlessly prayed was its death blow. Peggy kept the demonstrations and marches and protests she went to secret from all but her sisters, though of course her parents weren’t entirely ignorant of her activism, maybe even a little proud. Angelica talked only of school, of her husband and the hilarious and just about unbelievable anecdotes he shared with her, of the lively, thrumming, illuminated cities she visited with him while trying not to make it sound like she was preparing to jump ship if the country broke into pieces, which seemed likely in the darkest moments, in the sleepless nights and held breaths. Quite the opposite, in the complex worlds of numbers and legalese she navigated effortlessly she was almost as much of a general as her father was.

Eliza…Eliza just pretended everything was fine.

Angelica could read it plain on her sister’s face as she quietly walked up to her, not wanting to startle or surprise her, put her on edge. She could see it in the slackness, the absence, the shadow that fell over Eliza’s heart shaped face now that she thought she was alone. Now she thought she didn’t have to put on a mask of happiness, of excitement, of the dutiful wife waiting for her husband to return from war like something from an ill thought out romance novel. When she didn’t treat her old personality as a costume to try and convince her family, without much success, that she was okay.

She could see from here Eliza was wearing a soft, dark green, long sleeved Columbia sweatshirt. Angelica knew for a fact that her sister never chose that colour for herself, she liked bright, pastel colours. The sky-blue sweatshirt that belonged to her, identical in design if not in colour, was in the pile of ironing to be done.

Which meant that shirt belonged to Alex.

It made sense. It explained why Eliza was insisting on wearing it, despite the fact that it needed washing, there was ink staining the cuffs and a smudge of white dust, maybe flour, between the shoulder blades and it just had a vaguely rumpled, unwashed look about it. Not only that, but at eight months pregnant, it didn’t even come close to fitting Eliza any more. It had to stay rucked up just under her chest, letting her stomach curve out exposed, showing the tightness of the skin there, the odd faded charcoal line that bisected the globe of it like a hemisphere line, the stretch marks that cut harsh lines up from her hips, their origins hidden by the sweatpants she wore carelessly, as if with a shrug.

Their mother had bought Eliza a heaving wardrobe of maternity clothes, pretty, flowing dresses to make her look like some glowing fertility goddess of summer, elegant and soft kaftans, calmingly coloured tunics, washed denim dungarees to make her look like a young woman glowing and proud with her sleeves rolled up and ready to face motherhood with poise and vegetable smoothies.

Eliza hadn’t touched any of it. She just wore that old sweatshirt and whatever pants she didn’t have to bend down to retrieve and Angelica knew why. If she wore one of those items with the tags still on them, even if she gave that shirt the wash it desperately needed, it wouldn’t smell like Alex any more. Wearing that thing must be the closest Eliza could get to hugging her husband these days.

“Hey, beautiful girl,” Angelica smiled gently, trying not to show how her heart was breaking open with sympathy for her sister, coming and perching on the end of the sofa Eliza had favoured since she was a tiny girl. Maybe it was its soft blue tones, maybe the pattern of soaring birds. It just seemed to be a favourite and had always been thought of as Liza’s Seat.

Watching her scramble for her façade of placid, expectant mother bliss, even with her big sister, her closest supporter, that almost dissolved Angelica into tears. She only just managed to keep hold of her smile.

“Hey, Ange,” Eliza murmured.

That was it, none of Eliza’s usual chattiness, her expected inquiries as to what her sister was doing, what she had done, what she was going to do, the natural curiosity and hunger for friendly information that made every single person she met feel so listened to and truly appreciated.

The act was slipping.

Angelica floundered for what to say next. It wasn’t worth asking what she was watching; the television was showing some asinine sludge common in the early afternoon that couldn’t possibly be holding Eliza’s attention, clearly she just had it on to hear some kind of noise. Elsewise, the silence would have been horrific.

No sense in asking if she needed fetching or carrying for her. The glass of water she’d brought her just an hour ago had only risen as the ice cubes had melted, undrunk, not even toyed with. And besides, she suspected her sister was sick to death of relatives asking how she was feeling when anyone who knew Eliza well could see it really, really obviously. And it terrified the life out of them.

Asking what she was reading was just as much of a dead end. A Margret Atwood novel, the kind Eliza had been devouring since high school, lay on the coffee table but it was part of the performance, as perfunctory as the smile on her sister’s face. Angelica knew what she was reading, what she was always reading until the corners of the pages crinkled and surely, she must have known every word by heart. Alex’s letters, few but each one running into as many as six pages of his hasty, harried scrawl. They were in her hands right now, clutched to her heart protectively as if she feared they’d be taken from her.

The way she wanted to cling to Alex himself, Angelica had no doubt.

She knew her brother in law, she’d seen his summons back to the front line coming a mile away. He’d made enough of a name for himself by this point that it had been clear to anyone who saw the whole picture that Alex needed to be there for this thing to finish. Checkmate couldn’t be called until all the pieces were in place and Alex’s place was beside General Washington.

Eliza had known it to, she was every bit as smart as her sister, as her husband, as her father. Of course, she’d seen it but she’d denied it fiercely until the letter came through the door from the war office. And Angelica couldn’t help but fret that she’d done herself more damage, caused herself more pain by not accepting it until she was kissing him goodbye at the train station, not able to stop her face crushing and crumbling into pure sorrow before Alex looked away from her figure at the platform.

Not that she could blame her of course. Angelica had often heard herself, from huddles of relatives and family friends in the corners of parties and in the low chatter before the boardroom meetings she’d been accompanying her mother to since she was eighteen, being called the bravest of the Schuyler sisters. The strongest, the most iron willed.

What bullshit. She couldn’t imagine facing what her sister was facing right now, standing in Eliza’s place. Falling so hard and recklessly for someone, opening her heart to anyone not part of her family for the first time in her life, taking a leap she’d never dared even consider before only to be caught in Alex’s wiry but strong arms. Four years of college, four years of dizzying happiness, a love she didn’t understand yet that she’d confided in Angelica scared the life out of her as much as she adored it. Falling unexpectedly pregnant, doing something as monumental, as earth shaking as creating a whole new life and all while hers and Alex’s backs had been turned. Being married with a sense of urgency instilled by her family. Getting, what, two days of happiness and then having the man she loved pulled away and sent to face a vastly superior, much better equipped army across some scarred battlefield on the other side of the country too top secret, too shrouded in political mystery for her to even call him. To even hear his voice.

To have to wait with their child growing stronger every day inside her, nature’s deadline for the happy, safe, secure life he’d no doubt promised her to begin looming, the gut wrenching terror of bringing something so fragile, so precious into a world in turmoil, a world where there was the chance she’d have to look them in the eyes and tell them they’d never know their brave soldier of a father. To see Alex’s eyes and the crooked tilt of his smile and the deep fire in his heart in the face of a stranger and know she’d never see the originals again, only the copy.

And still she managed to dredge up a smile every single day.

Whoever thought her sister was weak, Angelica thought fiercely, didn’t know the meaning of the damn word.

“You look tired,” were the words she eventually breathed, her eyes sad, wretched, wanting so badly to take her sister’s pain away while knowing with bitter certainty that she couldn’t give her what she needed, “Didn’t sleep well?”

Eliza gave a small sigh, her hand coming to skate over the rise of her belly, “Not really. The little one was kicking like crazy, I was kind of hot and…”

Her voice trailed away but Angelica didn’t need to hear the finish to know.

Nightmares. Eliza had never slept well alone, it had broken her eight-year-old heart to be told that she couldn’t share a bed with her sisters any more, she was old enough now to need her own room, her own space. Angelica had seen and be unsurprised by how she slept with Alex, winding herself around him completely, like he was her anchor, the only thing keeping her tethered to reality. And now alone, she must see her love die a thousand different ways every time she shut her eyes.

Angelica decided she would invite Eliza to share her bed that night as she winced internally at the bruise like shadows under her sister’s eyes.

The invitation was on the tip of her tongue, her jaw slack to make the words, when their father walked in.

“Girls…” his voice was the toneless, almost echoing sound of someone utterly stunned.

Angelica was the first to see the pale blue envelope in his hands, held so loosely it was in danger of fluttering to the floor. Seeing it in her minds’ eye, she was reminded of a barren, bone like tree losing its last leaf. Of finality. Of a process that couldn’t be reversed.

Blue envelopes meant news from the front, intel from General Washington. News of Alexander.

“Papa…” Angelica’s tone was an inch away from begging, a centimetre away from warning, as if her father really did have the power to stop whatever was coming, if it was what she suspected.

Eliza shifted, immediately sensing Angelica’s panic and her father’s shock, moving more than she had in hours, somehow forgetting the island of her stomach. She span and gave a small, breathless sob as she saw the letter in Philip’s hands. She knew what it meant, of course she did. She knew what it could mean.

“What is it?” she demanded, her voice thin and brittle with panic, the baby inside her roiling and writhing, infected by their mother’s panic, “Is it about Alex?”

Philip opened his mouth to attempt to soothe his daughter but it withered on his tongue as he realised there’d be no point. He just nodded, blinking distractedly.

No, no. No please…

“Word just came this morning…”

Please, God no. I can’t…

Eliza didn’t let herself believe it was true until she was standing there, the first time she’d left the house in days, pulling an old coat of her father’s she’d swiped as she’d ran out, closer in an attempt to keep out the wind. She’d been so close to not coming at all, picking up her keys and dropping them again like the metal was hot in the same minute, slipping her shoes on in the kitchen and then kicking them off again before she even crossed the hall, feeling sick with horror every time an episode of the cartoon she was watching ended because she no longer had the excuse of seeing the end to keep her rooted it the couch but just as aghast when the next one began and brought with it another ten minutes to wait and waste. All morning she drifted, caught in some horrible net, her head spinning, running one way and then the other, so uncertain it made her knees weak.

The baby inside her eventually decided to object, prodding Eliza towards a decision with a gentle but insistent nudge against her skin five minutes away from the deadline, like an old friend reaching out to take her hand across a coffee table when a casual meet up in between trains shifted into a pivot point.

Eliza had just been so terrified, the idea of going down there, driving the six minutes to the tiny train platform that served their secluded corner of the Albany hillside, of waiting, of daring to hope petrified her.  Because if there was even the slightest chance that the train from the city would pull in, that the people would stream out and as she desperately scanned the faces, his wouldn’t be there, was unbearable.

But she managed to seize on that one moment of bravery given to her by the life inside her and here she was, cold but not feeling it, not feeling anything beyond the raw, painful hopefulness in her chest. Her palms rested on the curve in her stomach, comforting and seeking comfort in the same action.

Really should have worn more than this coat she thought absently, it was the dead of winter and all she had was Alex’s sweatshirt and Papa’s gardening coat so worn the canvas was shiny and so big on her she had lost her own hands. And she was still wearing her slippers.

“I might be a bit of an idiot, baby,” she murmured, stroking her bump, “Your mama might be an idiot.”

She was really getting to like talking aloud and knowing someone was listening. It was comforting-

There he was.

There was a long, long moment between the two of them where all they could do was look at each other. It was too much to do anything else, if either of them moved they’d risk shattering into a million pieces, like playing catch with a diamond. A moment long enough for both of them to think the exact same thing in the exact same instant, in perfect beat with each other though they’d never know it.

He looks so young. She looks so young.

He looks so exhausted. She looks so exhausted.

It’s been too long.

The moment ended when Alex burst into tears, his hand covering his mouth, his dark eyes spilling over. Then he was running, Eliza couldn’t run but she stretched her arms out as far as they would physically go to pull him into her arms without wasting a second. As his arms slid around her, holding her close, his tears dampening the shoulder of her coat, his familiar ink and paper and oak wood scent enveloping her as she burrowed her face into his shoulder, Eliza wondered how she’d ever let him go. Her Alex, her beautiful, wonderful husband.

He was just babbling her name like it was a prayer, song, his hands like restless birds flying from the small of her back to her hips to her shoulders to her arms like he was frantically checking all of her was still there in front of him. He only stopped when her lips found his and then there was nothing but the pulsing of their heartbeats in their ears and the familiar and much missed taste of each other’s mouths.

They only broke away when the need for oxygen became incessant and even then, her hands stayed cupping his face, not missing how his cheeks had hollowed out far past her liking, his forehead rested on hers and saw the worry lines there that he prayed weren’t caused by his absence and at the same time knew they were.

“I…I never thought I’d see you again,” Eliza only realised then that she was shaking with sobs, “B-but you came back, you came home to m-me…”

“Of course I did,” Alex wept breathlessly, shaking “I promised. I’d never leave you, Betsey, I’d move mountains to get back to you, like one Colonial army was going to stop me keeping my promise to you and…”

He pulled back, his eyes travelling down her body, jaw slackening as he somehow only just remembered that he was being reunited with two people at once.

“Oh…oh holy fuck, Eliza,” he whimpered before immediately flushing red, clamping his teeth together, “I mean…flip. Fudge. Sorry.”

Eliza had to giggle, reaching out and stroking the hair out of his eyes, “They’ve been doing a lot of growing.”

“I mean, Jesus, you must be ready to pop, right?” Alex blinked in wonder, still entranced by her bump, “How close did I cut it?”

It settled on them then, the scars their time apart had left. Neither of them were the same person that had stood on this platform months before. Alex seemed to grow sicker in front of Eliza’s eyes as she noticed more of him, the way his frame seemed so delicate under the dark, unfamiliar jeans and sweater he was wearing hesitantly like he had forgotten how to wear civilian clothes, the way his shaking hadn’t stopped, the bruise like shadows under his eyes. Alex was noticing the fear that had taken up residence behind his wife’s pupils in the last weeks, the juxtaposition between how young she looked and how close to motherhood she obviously was.

But now wasn’t the time and again, it was their nameless little one who made the decision. As if they wanted to say their own hello, make their own contribution to the reunion, nudging against Alex’s palm gently.

His jaw dropped to the frosted concrete, his eyes widening.

“Oh…” he croaked, the tears making a reappearance as he sank down onto his knees, “Hello. Mi bébé, I’m so sorry, I missed you so much but Papi’s here now and I’m not going anywhere I promise…”

As the choking tears stole his words and he dissolved into just murmuring, his shoulders shaking, Eliza stroked his hair, soothing him, staying by him, never intending to move an inch away from him until she was dragged away. And in the hours after, when Alex realised in horror how cold she was and insisted on giving her his sweater and driving her home, in the nights after where they’d make up for lost time refusing to leave their bed, in the days after it took Alex to fight off the infection he’d picked up in his breakneck rush across the country back into Eliza’s arms, she would look down at her stomach and smile knowingly like she and the baby were sharing a private moment. A realisation between the two of them that everything was going to be okay.

That Eliza was never going to be alone again.