#i've aged a lot this past year
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I realized I don't take selfies anymore?
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✦ 2023 summary of art ✦
#CanisAlbus#art#artists on tumblr#own art#own characters#yea you can sort of tell when this train got derailed#there's pre and post Vasco 2023#the good thing is I've been more productive this year than in past 5+ years combined#haven't had this much fun drawing in ages I hope it shows at least in some way or another#unless something really drastic happens I'll probably continue along this trajectory for a while#I might reach a saturation point eventually but there's no way of knowing when that'll happen#so I'm just going to try to make the most of this intense and self-indulgent oc art period#your feedback and support mean a lot to me I hope this year will be as good as 23#thank you for bearing with me#the missing month is March I didn't post a single thing in March#cw blood#blood#cw gore#gore#cw head injury#head injury
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An interesting theme, imo, in mdzs is the sheer tiredness you must feel when dealing with someone who, having been dead for more than a decade, is still the same person as before, while you aren't anymore.
#I don't have seen people dig into it#And it's reasonable#Mdzs has a lot of interesting themes!#Also we don't feel this because in the novel the main couple is building a completely new relationship#While the only person still alive with whom wwx had a relationship in the past isn't there a lot. So#I realized it while writing this wq fic. And now she meets wwx#And into my mind he tries to recreate the same dynamic as before. But wq just looks at him. Because now she is almost 40#(kinda?? Age in mdzs is nothing but I like old women)#Anyway she isn't the same as 13 years ago#While for wwx isn't much long. For him from the burial mounds at best are 6 months#I am not making sense. sigh#But if I had a bestie in a come. Then they woke up and tried to do the same jokes I would blink and not even laugh#Because I've changed#It's fucking sad#For everyone
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Something I've been thinking a lot about lately is how everyone thought Egon had gone insane. What Happened that made them think that. They've fought a gigantic Stay Puft Marshmellow Man TWICE (counting the 2009 video game because iirc it's canon? Correct me if I'm wrong), fought an interdimensional god, fought a blood thirsty ruler that killed thousands and was hated by all that was trapped in a painting (and managed to get in to beat him by making THE STATUE OF LIBERTY start walking down the street with slime that reacted purely based on vibes), found an underground abandoned transit system full of the moodslime, had a bathtub try to eat Dana and her baby, fought a giant murderous black widow lady, fought the fisherman ghost who turned an entire hotel floor into the bottom of a ocean, and that's not even mentioning them getting trapped on an island that randomly raised up from underwater that had been abandoned for decades created by Ivor Shandor who worshipped Gozer. So what did he do or say that made everyone else think he'd gone insane?? All I can think is maybe he was acting strange / eratic before, but he's always been like that to some degree.
I don't know. It's something that I've been thinking about. The correct answer is 'it's not that deep and they needed a reason that the others weren't together anymore and weren't aware of Egons death or know what was going on,' but also. What Was He Saying that prompted everyone, including Ray, to think he lost his mind when he'd been right almost every time before that.
I'm genuinely so curious as to what he was up to before this. What was he doing. What insane idea was working on prior to this or was he even working on anything at all??
Also want to clarify this post isn't negative 😭 I really love the newer movies and their lore / the newer storyline / characters, I just like thinking about small stupid things like this. Gives me something to think about / speculate about / figure out an answer to.
#ghostbusters#egon spengler#nikolas posts#I have so many thoughts on it because I've just been rewatching the two movies on loop for the past few days.#All we got was Ray saying that he'd started talking about the end of the world (IIRC) and that he went insane and took everything#when he eventually left to deal with it on his own#which for the record it's extremely impressive that he would've stopped Gozer from returning BY HIMSELF. The only reason it hadn't worked#was because of the electricity issue#Hiding all the traps and setting up the proton packs to fire at the hell pit?? Insanity. He's just on a complete different level of existin#Like they were aware of Ivor Shandor and his plans long before??? They found his ISLAND DEDICATED TO GOZER who had full intention of#BRINGING THEM BACK#it's really Really REALLY not this deep but I have thoughts and I wanted to share them. Maybe someone else might have an idea I#couldn't think of or might have something to add.#I guess it could be a 'they beat Gozer once and assumed they were gone' but that wasn't the first time Gozer 'died' so??#if I missed something Please tell me. I haven't watched the newer movies as much as the older ones (I grew up watching them / playing#the game so I'm more familiar with the older lore and haven't had the chance to rewatch the newer ones 1000 times over unfortunately)#so it's entirely possible I missed something#I'd think maybe it was just because they were older but I really don't think thats the case. I have reasoning for it but I need to do#the math to make sure I'm getting the ages right by the time AfterLife happens.#really need to make a chart / timeline of all the events that happened and what year / month / day they happened. That's a project#for tomorrow perhaps.#anyways if anyones reading this sorry for the insane rambling and congrats for making it to the end#also this post isn't negative I adore the newer movies so much. I love them a lot and I genuinely don't really care about this at all#just a thing to think / ponder / speculate about if that makes sense#I enjoy thinking about stupid irrelevant stuff like this#so so so many thoughts
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I'm not normally one to do anything more than lurk on social media. But 2 days ago I got properly introduced to omegaverse content after being to intimidated for a while, yesterday I discovered Let Me Try, and now I am tearing through LINK content like a rabid dog.
So uh
Thanks?
I still wanted to ask some questions if thats okay.
What are canon ages of the boys at the time of Close your Eyes and Lock Me In?
Do you have an idea of a time gap between those two stories? They seem to be the main points of reference of the timeline
Hello! Yayy, LINK's caught another one!! You're very welcomee heheh<3
Like all the other specifics for the stories, their ages / locations / accents etc. are a bit vague on purpose. I like to leave the room for everyone’s own imagination based on what they’re familiar with. It makes things a bit fuzzy for the timeline sometimes, but I just prefer having the blurred reality instead of basing it on real places and tracking a firm timeline.
But generally, I eyeball the gap between CYE and LMT to be maybe a couple of years.
The later on in the timeline we get with the newer published parts, I’ve been thinking that Kizzy, as the oldest of the four, are now getting closer to the mid-twenties mark and maybe over.
The age order is: Isac as the oldest (by two critical weeks🤺), then Kit, Liam’s a year younger, and then Nathan. -> Nat’s age difference to the others & the gap between the stories could technically vary +/- an extra year or so, depending on whatever length of uni you’d want to imagine.
So basically, the canon is vague and they are all twenty-ish something in CYE and LMT xx
#Sorry it's not a concrete answer :')#but maybe it answers something?#RAMBLE TAGS:#Looking back I can see that the way I write LINK#especially Kit / Iz / Liam#Skews a bit older than their ages in CYE#Based on my personal uni experience:#I think LINK would've been doing a lot more stupid shit if they were acting more “their age"#but then again#Lit has actual careers going that are demanding#And Nat's kinda just tryna survive#and Izzy is laser focused on his degree and probs has offers to join whichever publication he fancies before he's graduated#so keeping that up requires a level of maturity#yeah lets say that...#and ignore how CYE is basically just me wanting to write out all the mental health/psychology/therapy/trauma research#I've done in the past like 10 years#in story form#:')
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little off topic for my blog, but i started watching a new show since a friend mentioned it was good and i'd heard positive things about it, so i just wanted to talk about it a little bit (probably never again after this since this isn't a fandom blog, but it's the only one i have rn so idc it's going here)
the show is Jurassic World Camp Cretaceous, and just going on looks alone, despite my love for dinosaurs and the Jurassic Park franchise i never would have considered it. it appears to be very much for kids, and as i'm in my late twenties now i'm not particularly interested in especially kiddy media. however a friend my age enjoyed it and mentioned it has a canon lgbtq+ couple in it among the main characters, so of course i just had to watch it. i had already been hearing that despite its initial appearance and premise, it was surprisingly good for a kids' show, so i had already been curious, but i was even more keen after knowing there were queer characters, and not even the adults, the kids themselves (in a kid's show?!! what a time to be alive), so i finally sat down and watched it.
[spoiler warning, both minor and major, for the rest of this post btw, so continue reading at your own risk if you haven't seen it yet/are still watching]
the show overall
okay so firstly, i am coming at all of this from the perspective of a writer, so my observations are from a technical standpoint more so than just as a fan of the show. and honestly, it really is a well-written show as a whole. is it geared towards kids? definitely. there are plenty of jokes/gags in it that just don't appeal to me as an adult, but beyond that, there was plenty to appreciate as an adult.
the writing is actually phenomenal? there were several points in the series where i just sat back and mulled over the way a scene went, what the thought process behind writing it was like, how well it was executed, and how important it was to the characters and overall plot.
the suspense is spot on, nothing gets dragged out too long, and i will admit there have been a few scenes throughout that actually got me; i jumped! it's actually scarier than i expected a kid show to be, but i'm so glad they went where they did because it really elevated the experience.
the pacing overall is very good, adequately engaging for kids' short attention spans (and us adhd adults 🥲) but not too short either to a point where things felt abrupt or unfinished. plot arcs are well developed and tied up nicely. also, as a bit of a dinosaur nerd, the array of dinosaurs in the show is super broad and satisfying! very fun stuff.
character element
imo the real gem of this show is the character development. honestly it's just *chefs kiss*
the characters grow and change so much and so realistically over the course of the show, it's honestly so much better and more satisfying than the character growth in most adult fiction/media recently.
the growth in ben (who btw was def my favorite character by the end of s1) and kenji in particular were my favorites and, in my personal opinion, the most interesting. the way ben started out anxious, cowardly, and rule abiding to a fault, then grew into a brave, confident, adventurous little pyromaniac gremlin, then had that stint later in the series where he regressed a bit-questioning himself-until eventually ultimately striking a great balance and really coming into himself was just... peak character writing.
kenji started out overconfident, lazy, and overly concerned with money/status. but that arrogant overconfidence and laziness slowly turned into responsibility, and a desire to protect his found family, and the realization that it's the people in your life that really matter most.
honestly what i mentioned only scratches the surface in terms of those two characters, there's certainly more that can be said about them (as well as all the others) but i'm not really in the mood for a deep dive character analysis atm. just trust me tho when i say these characters are so well done and each one of them have arcs that are super satisfying to watch play out.
queer representation
and as for the queer couple? yasmina and sammy are PERFECT. it was so beautiful watching their relationship grow from one-sided to mutual friendship, to loyal devotion, then to love. they were set up incredibly well and incredibly naturally. i have like, no complaints when it comes to them. i don't even know if there's anything i can say that would add to things, they were just a really awesome couple to watch become canon, they're the beautiful and painfully needed representation we all beg for in tv and movies.
shipping, chemistry, and intent
but oh goodness... probably my only real complaint about the entire show would be how benji (ben x kenji) and kenji x brooklyn (kenlyn? brookji? idk and idrc) were handled. because for all that this show did SO much beautifully right, they really screwed the pooch here, sadly.
i'm gonna start by saying that the writing in this show, as with most, is deliberate. what i mean by this is that despite having no clue who it would be because my friend thankfully did not even spoil me as far as the genders of the queer couple, i clocked yas and sammy as the would-be queer couple as early as season one (actually it was between them and benji, but more on that later). i could already see the chemistry, because it was deliberately written in.
shipping is subjective. anyone can ship any character, and in most cases it's pretty easy to see how there could be (romantic) chemistry between fan pairings based on their personalities, their arcs, etc. and that's okay! ships don't even have to have any canon support to be valid, because shipping is for the fandom, and it's for fun (i have a few rarepairs and crack ships across different media that i just love).
but onscreen/written romantic chemistry is a lot less subjective (to clarify, it is subjective whether or not the chemistry is good, but it's not subjective about whether or not it exists). there are literally scenes written with the sole purpose of building the romantic tension and/or chemistry between planned couples (some of which even have absolutely zero plot relevance, which usually is not advised tbh, and most of which are the cliches/tropes you see in literally any romance ever written, some are just disguised a little better than others. but make no mistake, it's all the same set of cliches. there is nothing new under the sun), as well as intentional, key moments within scenes that have other purposes. they are essential to establish romantic pairings.
and typically, the foundations for these couples are laid VERY early on. always within the first or second season (well, at least they are when the writer actually knows what they're doing and has at least a rough plan/outline for the entire series & characters. this is usually a large part of what separates the good chemistry from the poor chemistry. an author who knows who the couples are going to be and has a plan from the beginning to build them up is going to be more successful in creating a believable relationship with good chemistry. one who does not plan, or makes last minute plans will almost certainly fail, and the couple is just going to suck). when the set of characters you're working with are going to stay the same for most or all of the story, you start immediately.
i don't mean to toot my own horn, because i think it's because i'm a writer so i just pick up on narrative patterns very easily, and pretty much always clock the planned couples within the first few episodes of any series, and by the end i am right like 9 times out of 10.
that being said, do you know whose deliberately written chemistry i also clocked in jwcc? ben and kenji's.
kenji and... brooklyn?
no offense to people who like/enjoy kenji and brooklyn, you are free to love them, but the way their romance was written is... quite possibly the weakest point of the show. it felt like they were just trying to appease the upsetto heteros in charge, because there was definitely another het pairing that had a lot more potential than kenji and brooklyn (hello darius x brooklyn aka darilyn, you would have actually made sense because your relationship had amazing buildup and multiple standout scenes from s1 on. dgmw, i love that we got a m/f strong, supportive, purely platonic friendship out of them, i live for those and we really need more of them. but we could have had that with kenji and brooklyn, or darius and sammy, or ben and yas, literally any other pair instead).
kenji and brooklyn as a couple came out of absolutely nowhere. i honestly think they decided to shove them together last minute, and had no actual plan for them until they were working on s4. because their development barely started at the VERY end of s3 (the abruptness of him caring about her being held hostage so much more than literally anyone else in their group despite them having like zero buildup to that point gave me whiplash), but honestly didn't really even become "meaningful" development until s4, over halfway through the series. the two spend the first 3 seasons basically not particularly gaf about each other individually, only as part of the whole group and on an equal level with everyone else. they otherwise have no deliberate narrative foundation. it just starts in s4 with no prior hinting. which makes their development rocky and difficult to believe. the funny thing is their characters literally have dialogue (in s4) trying to draw comparisons/parallels between them to say that they especially have a lot in common and like??? no? they really don't? not any more so than any other two kids in the group. their relationship just, really falls flat.
it was disappointing to see it take such a massive spotlight in the series for almost all of seasons 4 and 5, overshadowing the friendships that have been the focus of the show and should have remained so, to the point where at times it just felt like i was watching some stereotypical het highschool romance. genuinely, it made s4 & 5 more of a drag to get through. yasammy and ben and yas' growing bond (which by the way was so sweet, it had the strongest queer solidarity vibes good lord, i sure wonder why yas chose ben out of everyone to come out to first, hmmm) were some of the few things that kept me invested, otherwise i would have dropped it if it had leaned much farther into becoming the kenlyn show than it already was. especially when it was that pair so much of the focus was given to, even though we had so readily and perfectly available, the pair that could have, should have been: benji. which finally brings me to:
ben and kenji
benji's foundation was laid in s1. their interactions, the situations they found themselves in, were deliberate (on the writers' part). i'm even gonna go out on a limb here and say the pairings were fully established in s1e3, even with parallels between yasammy and benji (sammy clinging to yas and ben clinging to kenji throughout the episode), and darilyn gets the beginning of their development too.
even though they bicker a lot in the beginning, they clearly care about each other? kenji protects/helps ben multiple times, and there are definitely some looks ben gives kenji at times. at the end of s1, the one who seems the most deeply effected over ben's "death," other than darius (understandably since he's the one who failed to save him), was kenji! immediately after it happens, we get two close up shots, darius and brooklyn then yasmina and sammy. after which, we go back to the whole group with kenji in center frame, the focus is intentionally on him. it is only kenji who drops to his knees at the loss, and then we get a close up of just kenji. he was saved for last, and he was alone in frame (tbf bumpy was in frame too, but i'm talking humans here), which implies his feelings are especially important in this moment. that is the reason for solo close ups.
after ben's "death," kenji takes to always wearing ben's fanny pack, and up until bumpy--who ben cares VERY much about--got separated from them, kenji was the one who (however briefly) took over her care, ensuring she got off the monorail with them, and he's extremely distraught, more than pretty much all of them, when they can't find her, and he's last to leave when they decide to accept that ben's gone. even when they do leave, he's distant and distracted and his mind is clearly still on ben.
other than darius, kenji is the only one (if i'm remembering correctly) to mention ben/say his name after they lost him, upset because he was actually trying not to think about him. he has clearly thought about ben, probably a lot, because it's hard not to be reminded constantly when you wear something that belonged to a deceased loved one. and frankly, he appears to be the only one who dwells on him that much.
when ben reappears alive (which btw he found the group again because of kenji's butter knife, hello), the frames literally purposely focus on kenji's reaction. he's the one in the foreground every time they show him and brooklyn in that scene. he is the first one to say ben's name, the first one to go to him and hug him, and the scene takes special care to highlight kenji's strong emotions at ben's reappearance, lingering on his teary face as the focus for a bit even after brooklyn enters the frame to hug ben (because she is not at all an important element in the scene at that moment). just like when ben "died," the way this scene is written and shot HEAVILY suggests that ben holds significant importance to kenji, specifically. because again, the focus here is on kenji and ben almost exclusively, with brooklyn as only an afterthought lol. and quite frankly literally everyone else's reaction to him being alive was pretty lackluster compared to the special attention they gave to kenji on this.
and then in s3 we have the infamous hat scene, where darius and ben are in the limo and ben sees and mentions kenji's sailor hat, looking sad and sounding like... longing?? then directly after we switch to kenji realizing he forgot his hat?? the scene has no real significance tbh other than to draw a connection between ben and kenji. like, it acts as a transition to switch to the pov of the group on the boat, but it was entirely unnecessary? why not just have darius say something about the others and then show them on the boat? if there were no special relationship between ben and kenji, it would have made far more sense if they really wanted it to be ben to say something, that he sees the hat, and sadly says something along the lines of "i hope the others are okay/doing better than we are right now/etc" which implies that the hat made him think of everyone, their whole group. rather than what we got... which very much implies that he was mostly just thinking about kenji 💀 and then kenji thinking about the hat at the same time ben's looking at it and thinking of kenji. like, this is.... a very blatant connection being made by the writing/directing here.
all of that. so many deliberate connections made between ben and kenji, they had a very solid foundation laid for a romance to develop, and by all intents and purposes one already WAS developing according to the show's own subtext. which was why up until s4 obliterated the idea, i was positive the queer couple in the show was either going to be yasammy or benji. it was extremely obvious imo. but as soon we started getting the typical, loud, cliche "we are going to pair off these characters" scenes for kenji and brooklyn, i knew we were getting yasammy and not benji (to be clear, i'm not at all upset about yasammy, they're beautiful and i love how their relationship was done, i wouldn't have had it end any other way for them. but i do personally prefer benji, i just like their personalities and dynamic more. and i feel they had so much potential that got wasted to make way for a far less interesting pairing between kenji and brooklyn. why can't we have 2 queer couples, huh? and if we really needed a minimum of one hetero pairing to appease whoever needed appeasing, darilyn was right there).
but then??? their like entire bond just gets dropped (honestly ben himself gets pretty heavily sidelined for almost all of the last two seasons, which is criminal imo). mostly so that a rushed kenji x brooklyn can be established. like there are still a few small moments here and there in early s4, and one episode in s5 (ep 10), but from early s4 till pretty much the end of the series we hardly see them have any meaningful conversations or interactions, meanwhile literally every other combo in the group does.
it's so weird? why build up benji so deliberately over the course of multiple seasons just to like, fully discard it for a pairing with far less chemistry, even after the chemistry-building scenes they shared, some of which literally had no other purpose than to affirm their connection? even though they were very sparse, the moments benji had were just so blatant (kenji leaps into the rock crevice right onto the back of a saber tooth to save ben?!!?? like he literally was just willing to exchange his life for him like that?? he basically says that he wasn't really thinking, he just did it. so he moved out of what, emotional instinct, that's what we're meant to intuit from that series of events? implying that he specifically has strong emotion and doesn't think things through when it comes to ben? because he doesn't do that kinda stuff for any of the others in the group! even better, this parallels when sammy jumped on the nothosaurus to save yasmina. and then the way benji look at each other after it's over??? hello??? and then how kenji pulls both brooklyn and ben in for that hug a couple minutes later... side eyeing the writers for that choice. they knew what they were doing there and they were evil for it). i just can't see any reason to have dropped them like they were, after all the development they shared for 3 seasons. confounding. biggest disappointment of the series.
i know this probably reads to some as just "wahh, my ship didn't become canon" nonsense. but that's not why i'm bugged. this wasn't just a ship i liked and wanted canon despite no actual narrative support, as most ships tend to be. this ship did have narrative support. there was intent behind many of their scenes together, lingering looks and little things that matter narratively and are always used to signify a stronger/special connection. and it led nowhere, for no good reason. that bothers me. writing that implies and promises something, but never delivers on it. like a person who never finishes their sentences (think Dr McPhee from Night at the Museum). ultimately it's not a HUGE deal or anything, at the end of the day it's just a ship and just a kids' show. but as a writer, it's just irritating to see something like that be done. what can i say 🤷
conclusion
even despite the wasted potential between certain pairings, and even though i do think the first three seasons were superior to the last two, overall i really enjoyed the show, and for what it was, it was really well-made. the overarching focus was of course on found family and friendship before anything else, which i absolutely love, and it was masterfully done. out of 6 kids, all of them had at least one or two meaningful bonding moments one-on-one with another in the group, so every possible combination had their moment to build strong, believable friendships with each other. i'm just so surprised by how good it was as a whole honestly, good enough to binge over the course of a week. i will happily recommend jwcc to anyone willing to give it a watch regardless of age, because i definitely think there's no age limit for a good story, no matter the medium it's told in. :)
#jwcc#jurassic world camp cretaceous#benji jwcc#benji#yasammy#yasammy jwcc#i would say that there's prob an age minimum tho... it's a bit scary so depending on the kid i wouldn't rec it to under 10 years#this is a long post#omg so long i'm sorry#i just have a lot to say#gotta shout into the void#it just be like that sometimes#fair warning this post is literally just me praising the show in the first half n then going absolutely off about benji in the second half#review#tv show review#as always with stuff like this that has any mention of ships it is bound to ruffle some feathers#so let me postface this with the reminder that this is all just MY OPINION#you are free to disagree but i'd rather you don't share your disagreements on my post via reblog/notes#feel free to write up your own show/ship review if you feel so strongly#otherwise if you dislike anything i've said you can just scroll past or block me <3
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the way my period was fucked up for a year after the vaccine and then went back to being more or less regular but much (MUCH) more painful than before 🙂
#not saying it was 100% the vaccine. obviously it changes on its own with age + i've had a lot of stress in the past few years buttttt.#lots of people who menstruate have reported similar experiences#🤔🤔🤔🤔#to clarify i'd take the vaccine again i'm no anti#or skeptic. it’s just interesting
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that geras scene at the end is killing me as someone who has also been fighting for so long to survive middle school, to survive high school, to just make it to adulthood. i'm so tired and i can barely think further than a year or two from now but the book has been constantly referencing looking back on your past and imagining a future where it gets better because as you get older you keep improving, you keep going, and i really needed that. i can imagine a world like percy was where i'm old and sitting on a porch with a friend, actually being able to rest instead of fighting just to make it through the day. growing older with people so i can look back and tell myself now that it really does get better.
#crunchyposts#pjo#cotg spoilers#reading commentary#me ventilating#hey sorry ive been going through it for the past few weeks and this sums up exactly how i'm feeling#this series really just got it like i've been fighting demons in my head since i was around 11 years old close to the same age as percy#i was an undiagnosed neurodivergent child who got to see someone like them who dealt with the same stuff#and now im closer to his age in cotg and its still the same stuff#it just means a lot to me :')#it was what he said about rest that really got me because i dont think ive been able to rest in the past 3 years maybe even more#im so so tired dude. but i keep going. im still here. 11 year old me made it and me now will make it#like what sally said i feel helpless thinking about being (age in 2020) not understanding why my brain worked that way#but that person made it through and i will keep making it through#cotg#pjosy
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Hi, thanks so much for setting up the watchalong on Tony’s birthday. I was one of the lurkers who popped in later. I forgot what it was like enjoying something alongside other fans — so lovely!
Thanks again! Really appreciate it!
Oh hi, I'm glad you could join! It was my pleasure, it's always fun to watch together.
We're planning on having a watchalong (possibly with one part/week over the course of three weeks) for The Donati Conspiracy - a drama which Tony starred in - sometime during September and/or October, so keep an eye out for that if that sounds like fun! And of course there is the annual Anthony Valentine Convention in January when we stream various Tony things for 12-14 hours straight in an attempt to cover all time zones - exhausting but oh so lovely and lots of fun 💝
#telegram#anthony valentine#anonymous#i was thinking last night that it would be fun to do a longer regular watchalong for something soon#remembering the howard holmes watchalong we did back in 2017/2018 every... wednesday? thursday?#i can't remember but it was a lot of fun especially when you get a regular crowd#i've been so crazily busy (and tired) during the past year but i'm planning on having more time and space in my life going forward so#maybe it would be time to set up something#back to the golden age of watchalongs ^^
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#i've been having bad stomach issues again for the past month or so and Google says the symptoms match up to colon cancer#which it's probably not (altho apparently colorectal cancer is spiking among my age group?) but i realized i wouldn't be that upset#if it was. like if i only had a year or two left. i'm okay with that. that's the level my depression is at rn#the biggest concern i'd have is for my dog bc she has more than 2 years. but otherwise it's like#i'm stressed and sick and my back has been hurting a lot so also in pain so much of the time#so if it was only 2 more years of that. i just wouldn't be that upset abt it yfm#or one more year or w/e#that's where i'm at rn anyway
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hiya just a small psa, first off--thank you for those who sent in writing asks, I'm going to answer them soon. also I am going to try and update Gibbous on Oct 12 (as a bday treat for myself) but if it doesnt happen, then I'll just post a small teaser on here of what I have so far of it. My mental health is still a work in progress, despite my post after Spoke No More (iykyk in terms of having a mental high followed by an immediate mental low haha) but if I go radio silent on this blog, it doesnt mean anything bad, it just means I need to take time to care for myself
#kat talks#time to ramble in the tags: i think the worst part of going through a negative spiral is when you know youre dealing with irrational though#patterns but they do feel very real in the moment lmao#its so frustrating! anyways i am having a hard time with my bday coming up because due to Events in my life i feel like#i have aged five years in a negative way and I've weirdly been thinking of myself being much older than i actually am#it feels like im dealing with howls moving castle curse irl is the best way i can describe it#so anyways i do want to be able to finish Gibbous chapter so that is something positive i can look forward to for my bday#but im also not going to let my happiness depend on that#because I've placed my happiness in so many things this year only to be let down by it all#i do want to write more and interact in fandom in a more active way but i am going through a lot rn#so if we have talked in the past please know im not intentionally ignoring you! its not anything personal towards you i promise
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What exactly would you say were the problems with mcc as opposed to this event? Like how could noxcrew fix mcc?
First off, the events are just completely different in structure—MCC is a team-based game with a rotating slate of minigames that's for the most part a monthly event, whereas Squidcraft is a free-for-all that takes place once a year and has a new slate of events from year to year. I don't think Noxcrew can do much in that regard to 'fix things' other than introduce more games? However, I'm fully aware of how much time and effort that takes to do, and since because they're not actually paid anything to run the event I have no expectations for them to do so. So on the Noxcrew side of things? Not much LOL
My criticisms are levied more towards the community—I've been a Dream in MCC enjoyer for a long time, and there's always been quite a bit of animosity and hostility towards him. At the beginning (say MCC6-MCC13) I think that there was at least some basis for it, he was much more loose-lipped and brash with his criticisms and I'll be the first to admit that he was a little annoying sometimes. But that came with unwarranted things like people literally inventing tiers just to keep him away from the community's golden boy S-tiers, and it often just felt like he was othered from the community because he brought a competitiveness people weren't ready to face despite. yk. it being a competitive tournament.
Also, during mcc's return, 2021 dttwt had a lot of ppl who were nasty and annoying and incited mcc drama just to fight about it (I'd been on the receiving end of it a few times trust me LOL). So those two things combined soured the general mcc community towards Dream and everything only snowballed from there. For instance, MCC14 was a DISASTER for the green guardians and right after, people on the reddit didn't even stop to go "hey, maybe he had an off event, he's just some guy after all" and instead went Okay Well he underperformed he should be demoted a tier immediately, and it was incredibly frustrating as someone who knew that his performance was a one-off. Thankfully he went on to back-to-back win the next two events but demotion never left the realm of discussion—not to mention that mcc days just became a cesspool on twitter, people across the board talking shit about how the dteam made mcc too sweaty or how the hermits were being boring and should get better at pvp etc and it was just. not fun to be part of the community.
That all spilled over into Dream needing to be incredibly careful with his words, setting boundaries about not harassing Scott/Noxcrew, softening every criticism with praise so that dttwt wouldn't get up in arms about a non-issue all while ALSO having to retain his reputation with the redditors so that he wouldn't be tossed to the side the second he underperformed. That is to say, it felt stressful to be a fan, and in some mcc's he ended stream bowing under the pressure, apologizing for underperforming or not winning when it wasn't something that I think most of his viewers cared about, and it just made some mcc days feel like a downer because he couldn't just let himself have fun, he had to be the diplomat towards everyone.
This event, on the other hand, just felt a lot more welcoming. Partially, I think that's because of the fact that it's a FFA instead of a team tournament, but it's also just that it didn't feel like anyone was coming into the day with malicious intent nor odds stacked against him, and there were very few expectations of him other than "woah that's Dream the best minecrafter in the world he seems like a cool dude" where ppl acknowledged he was just some guy who's good at the game. He didn't need to be diplomatic per se, he could just be his corny, teasing self towards people like Spreen and Rubius and no one would have started a hate campaign towards him because they'd take it in jest, and he didn't have any statisticians to perform incredibly well for either. It was p obvious he wasn't nearly as wired as he normally is during mcc and it made it so much more fun that he could perform without the pressure we normally see him under. He was just hanging with his friends, being a goofball towards strangers, and having fun fucking around! Which, with the multifaceted pressure during MCC, just isn't possible.
disclaimer this is completely from the perspective of someone who has primarily watched Dream (and his close friends) for mcc since 2020 so these criticisms center around him !! so it's not really a general thing
#long post#tldr it's complicated. there is no static set of fixes that could be pulled off to make it enjoyable w the different formats imo#it's just a snowball of a bunch of different things that make mc.c kinda miserable as as dream liker compared to a fresh new event like thi#and don't get me wrong I still adore mc.c and am incredibly grateful for the memories I've made watching it for the past 3ish years#but I had more fun watching this event and blogging w dtblr than I have in ages watching mc.c#probably because I didn't have to worry about community fallout or sit with bated breath hoping twt didn't overreact about smth#plus he and the people around him genuinely seemed to be having a ton of fun so that helped a lot too :D#lyss answers#anon tag#sc2#lyss.mcc
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so occasionally i go through the bookmarks on my fics to see if anyon has left any interesting comments. and I think I've found one o mf my favorites:
[image text: Bookmark Tags: The sibling relationships in this are genuinely fascinating, nice fic. end text]
sibling dynamics in fics are probably my favorite thing and I always need more of them and I try and make them hold equal standing with other relationships in the fic because just like fuck i have so many thoughts and feelings around them and put so much effort into writing them and giving them room to have it. And anytime i get a comment telling me that I've done a good job writing them it just is like YES!!!!
#like most of the time i was just the middle child but i've also been functionally an eldest youngest and only child#but also treated as a single unit with my closest in age sibling#also like complicated doesn't even begin to explain the relationship i had to them growing up#and like i talk about my siblings in the past tense because i haven't had anything to do with them in years#people assume they're dead#they're not but they might as well be for how they occupy space in my life#so yeah i have lots of thoughts about writing sibling relationships
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💿
#having a list of all the cds (&dvds&books) i own on google drive is useful when i'm looking at something and going 'do i have that already'#unfortunately i am not organized enough that i update the list every time i buy something new#so i end up doing mass updates periodically#(and also the master lists are on word on my laptop and the google drive is just copies)#and given that the drive versions are..........three years out of date.#it's mass update time#dvds are done already (because i have the least of those)#and the cd master list has been updated several times since the last drive update thankfully#(though i've still spent like two hours working on it tonight and am not done yet.#classical music takes the longest because specifting which recording and ofc i had the most of that to add)#i am kind of dreading updating the book list#partly because my dad has given me A Lot of books in the past three years#partly because book list includes like. publisher info. because i want to know what edition i have. and that takes AGES to input#🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 i know i do this to myself but sometimes i question my sanity about it#about
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i will do a lot this 2023 >:3
#🌙.rambles#gna be a lot kinder to myself it's alright to take things at my own pace#i'm really hoping i'll be able to improve n strengthen the bonds i have now n make new ones too ><#ffxiv.. i wld like to develop our fc more. make new friends hopefully find some my age too.#i'm an fc leader now aaaa it's nearly been like a month but i've been busy !!#i will wholeheartedly do my best to live up to the responsibility. i rlly want to grow our fc to be a comfy close knit home for my ffxiv#friends. which is. atm rn just me n apollo on our server T_T BUT ONE DAY#n then static i wld love to raid. i want to help my friends get into raiding 🥺 so there's like 3 of us in our not-yet-established static#which means 5 more. regardless i do hope i'll clear another ultimate this year (ucob?) n raid pandaemonium savage again#n then finish both nier games n ccr n other games too. watch more stuff too hopefully#my sleep's been mostly fixed so i'm going to make a nee start this year#not gna dwell on my regrets to the best i can but i'll be kind to myself if i can't help it. nothing to gain by being too harsh on myself#this year's gna be hard w responsibilities irl w school n all n i am honestly very anxious#i've repressed it a bit w the break ;;;; but i'll face it as i always have.#i will study hard! i can't erase or rewind the past but i can do better moving onwards#these memories i can't return too may hurt yes n there'll be many times where it'll burden me n. i know i'll have many hard moments this yr#but i know i'll make it through n keep on going. pain and disappointment in some way will always be inevitable#but i'm more than my despair & i know i won't be alone on this path ahead of me. never have been entirely n never will be n i'll do my best#to remember n hold unto that!!!!#that said my social energy is still very inconsistent i apologize for that n i honestly don't know what to do regarding that but#i'll find a way as i always do. even if it doesn't quite have the 'best' outcome or wtvr i'll be kind to myself#even if things don't go as i dreamed like. idk the things i wrote to myself months ago.. that's alright#i believe in myself.#i'm rambling rn wait why am i so sleepy T_T#i am very used to being alone by just myself n apollo n my family whom i love very much so i may be really reserved w my friends#i barrly reach out n my social energy is typically inconsistent bcs of uhh old friendships that fucked up too but#i. god i cld just ramble abt this more n more but i think i'll be reaching cap for tags soon#that said though i'm really so grateful. for all the memories last yr. all the ppl in it; old friends n new. each moment each word#all of it. i write so much more than you'll ever know n.. even so i really don't think i can write enough to convey the depth of all the#love i have for like yk my family my friends n everything so dear to me in life :<< tyvm for 2022 genuinely yes
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have you watched the last of us? if not are you planning to?
I haven't, and honestly, I don't plan to. I wasn't ever a huge fan of The Last of Us to begin with just due to personal experience and I haven't played the second one. No real investment in it, but I've heard the show's pretty good, though.
#asks#ngl i don't watch a lot of shows these days sksks i'm *very* behind on shows that have come out in the past like... three years sksks#i'm one of those who rewatches things i've already watched but it's like pulling teeth to get me to watch something new#though that might actually change with dragon age absolution#that one IS on my list to binge watch eventually i just haven't done it yet
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