#i'm writing their parts for now until I find someone to rp with

[mylunaris]

Saturnalia: The Banquet

The grand hall of the imperial palace gleamed with the golden light of oil lamps, their flames dancing in harmony with the laughter and shouts of revelry. Saturnalia had descended upon Rome, and with it came the lifting of hierarchies, the loosening of tongues, and the indulgence of every vice. Slaves mingled with their masters, toasts rang through the air, and the tables groaned under the weight of roasted meats, honeyed pastries, and amphorae of the finest Falernian wine.

Callista stood near the edge of the feast, cloaked in a gown of deep crimson—a shade she knew symbolized both defiance and allure. Her hair, bound loosely in Grecian braids, framed her sharp features, and her dark eyes swept over the room with caution veiled by indifference. The years had taught her that Saturnalia, though meant to be a time of equality, often became an arena for veiled insults and dangerous games.

Across the hall, she spotted the younger of the imperial brothers. Caracalla sat sprawled upon a cushioned couch, his tunic askew, a goblet of wine in hand. Surrounding him were a group of young men, their laughter boisterous as they leaned into each other, exchanging jests and teasing one another like schoolboys. Caracalla, cheeks flushed with drink, waved a hand in Aeliana’s direction, calling out in a voice too loud for the occasion.

“Aeliana Callista!” he slurred, his grin wide. “Come, join us! Or do you fear being the only woman among wolves?”

She inclined her head but did not move, her lips curving into a faint, calculated smile. “I would not dare interrupt such… lively company, my lord”

Caracalla laughed, sloshing wine onto his tunic. “She fears us, lads! Or perhaps she fears me most of all.” The men around him erupted into laughter, though one or two cast her appraising glances, their mirth edged with something darker.

It was then that Geta entered the hall, his presence a stark contrast to his brother’s rowdy display. Dressed in a tunic of deep indigo trimmed with gold, he walked with measured steps, his expression calm but watchful. His gaze found Aeliana almost immediately, and for a moment, their eyes locked.

“Ah, brother” Caracalla called out, raising his goblet in mock salute. “You’re late. Aeliana’s been keeping us entertained with her silence.”

“I’m sure her silence is far more profound than your rambling” Geta replied smoothly, taking a seat at the opposite end of the table. The room chuckled, and Caracalla scowled but soon returned to his wine.

As the evening wore on, the atmosphere grew heavier with drink and indulgence. Aeliana found herself drawn into conversation with various senators and courtiers, each eager to gauge her thoughts on matters ranging from the recent campaign in Britannia to the emperors' rumored ambitions for Parthia. Her answers were careful, her tone measured, for she knew that every word she spoke would be carried beyond these walls.

It was Geta who eventually approached her, a goblet in hand and an air of quiet curiosity about him. “You have grown adept at navigating the treacherous waters of court, Aeliana. A far cry from the girl I once saw training in the arenas of the ludus.”

She turned to him, arching a brow. “And you have grown adept at wielding words like a blade, Dominus. I wonder, do you strike with them as deftly in the Senate as you do here?”

A faint smile crossed his lips, but there was a flicker of something unreadable in his gaze. “The Senate is no arena. It is a den of vipers. But tell me, do you miss the simplicity of the ludus? The honesty of combat?”

Aeliana hesitated, her thoughts drifting back to those early days in the arena. She had been barely more than a child, her body weak and untrained, thrown into the sands as a spectacle meant to degrade her family’s name. She remembered the two imperial boys watching from the stands, Caracalla leaning forward with giddy curiosity, while Geta had sat more stiffly, a boy imitating the posture of a man. Their father’s voice still echoed in her memory:

“Do not look to her as an example” he had said with a dismissive wave of his hand. “She will not last long. A child’s body is no match for the arena.”

Aeliana had heard those words, even over the roar of the crowd. They had seared into her like a brand, fueling every thrust of her blade, every desperate dodge. She had proven him wrong, but the bitterness of that moment lingered.

“Simplicity is a luxury I’ve never been afforded” she said finally, her voice steady but low. “Not in the ludus, and certainly not here.”

Their conversation was interrupted by Caracalla, who stumbled toward them with a flushed face and anarm slung around one of his companions. “What’s this? My dear brother, are you stealing my guest?”

Geta’s expression hardened slightly, though he maintained his composure. “We were merely discussing old times.”

“Old times, old wounds,” Caracalla mused, his words slurring as he leaned closer to Aeliana. “Callista, do you still dream of your father’s execution? Does his ghost haunt you when you close your eyes?”

The room seemed to grow quieter, the air thick with the weight of his words. Aeliana’s hands clenched at her sides, but her expression remained cold, unyielding. “The dead do not haunt me, my lord. It is the living I fear most.”

Caracalla blinked, then threw back his head and laughed, his mirth echoing through the hall. “A fine answer! You see, Geta? This is why she intrigues me.”

But Geta’s gaze remained fixed on her, a flicker of something like admiration in his eyes. When Caracalla finally moved away, dragging his entourage with him, Geta stepped closer, lowering his voice.

“My brother is a fool, but his words carry venom. Do not let them poison you.”

Aeliana met his gaze, her voice steady despite the storm raging within her. “Venom only harms those who drink it willingly. I have no intention of doing so.”

For the first time that night, Geta’s expression softened, and he inclined his head in quiet respect. “Then, perhaps, you are stronger than most who walk these halls.”

As the night wore on, Aeliana remained an enigmatic presence, her thoughts a whirlwind of anger, resolve, and the quiet satisfaction of having stood her ground. And as Geta watched her from across the room, he could not help but wonder whether she was a pawn in the imperial game—or a player in her own right.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for going no-contact with my ex a couple months after we broke up?

i (22nb) dated my girlfriend (26f) for nearly three years. we were long-distance, and i had intended on visiting her post-covid (we started dating in fall 2020). the relationship was great at first, messaging each other every day and being lovey-dovey. in december 2022, things began to fall apart. she told me that i would never be able to visit her or she would be able to see me due to her homophobic parents. i told her that really hurt because that was a huge part of starting the relationship, and i wasn't sure if i could be completely ldr. we didn't talk for a week or so after that.

while we weren't talking, things began to bubble up. i realized how she was using me almost exclusively as an erp partner/person to write her self-insert fanfics and used me as a bank when she wanted to spend money on nsfw art commissions instead of her phone bill (i had to really be on her about paying back $100+ before all this), and how the relationship was starting to fade compared to when we first started dating. i brushed this aside due to my own neurodivergency (bpd, among others) and the fear of abandonment.

fast forward to summer 2023. I'm on vacation visiting my uncles and having fun as it's my first time flying alone. i told my gf before this that i was going to be on vacation and busy during that time. during my time away, she messaged me asking to continue an rp we had done before the trip, saying "it only needs two more replies". i told her matter-of-factly that i was on vacation and didn't have the time. she accused me of being harsh and told me, "i could've just said no". i talked to my uncles about this, as it was upsetting me. they advised me that "a person can be in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime," being that not everyone will be in your life forever. i took this in and decided it was time to break up with her.

we didn't talk for a few weeks after my trip until i decided to break up with her. while telling her i didn't want to be in a relationship anymore, she asked "will we still rp and write fics together?" it was clear where her priorities lay. i said yes, and that we could continue to be friends, just not dating. this was in july 2023.

now, up to september 2023. i wrote 100ish-word drabbles for kinktober instead of longer fics so i could balance it with my college course load. i shared the link to the beginning of the collection with my ex. she suggested i write 500 words for each day instead of 100. i asked why, and she said (her exact words)

"how are you gonna write a threesome in 100 words though? this convo we're having is at 65 words rn, that's over half your wordcount"

this upset me, and i had the urge to cut her all off and act self-destructively. i decided to instead calm down and not talk for a few days as i mentally sorted it out. a few days later, i civilly responded to her, saying

"what you said about not being able to fit a fic like that into 100 words really hurt ... all I have time for between responsibilities is 100ish words, and I chose to do that rather than abandoning kinktober ... if you’re that dissatisfied with my writing, you can find someone else to write your self insert fics"

she responds while i'm on voice chat with two different friends. she says,

"i'm not dissatisfied with your writing. i did not mean what i said that way. there's no need to be spiteful."

the spiteful comment completely threw me off, and i sent the screencap to said friends i was on vc with. my instinct was to respond civilly again, trying to patch things up. my friends acted like kronk's devil and angel on my shoulder ("no, no, he's got a point"), and i ended up blocking her on every platform instead of responding at all. i feel relieved that she's out of my life.

a month later, i checked my tumblr inbox for an ask from a friend. the second message in the inbox is clearly from her, but from a side account she denied having when i brought it up to her a year or so ago (the blog sent me a meme that she had shared on her main account so i wondered if it was her). it read (paraphrased),

"it's obvious you were never gonna work on that fic or rp again! you always had an excuse to push it off. i didn't matter when i was no longer your gf. you were a suffocating datemate, and i couldn't be gone for more than 10 min, but it was ok for you to not respond for hours!"

little note: i was a full-time college student working two jobs at the time. i had very little time to socialize on platforms like discord, and i took every opportunity i took. on the other hand, my ex was unemployed aside from occasional freelance writing, was not in education, and lived at her parent's house.

i deleted the message as she didn't deserve a response, nor did i want to make it public, but how our relationship ended still weighs on me. aita?

What are these acronyms?

[anarchictemptation]

So, I've had a bit of an emotional journey when it came down to getting these trolls uploaded and, uh.I'm sort of in a venty mode, so I'm doing a read more cut just so I don't bother people (TW for Drug Abuse and Suicidal Thoughts mentioned)

It became less of "lol, look at all these trolls I've had over the years, let's sell them" to a bit of a crippling "I did this to cope with what was happening to me and this is the financial repercussions of that"

When I joined the Homestuck fandom, I was 16. A long ago ex-friend had gotten me into it because he was an obsessive fan and I REALLY liked astrology at the time, so obviously what was gonna stop me from getting into this silly little webcomic? (Nepeta my BELOVED! Leo's for life!!!)

I've never really shared this with anyone outside of my CLOSEST of close friends, but I was in a really nasty situation. My parents were on drugs, deeply into it at the time of me joining Homestuck, and were basically nonexistent at that point of my life. They'd disappear for days at a time with no sign of them coming back anytime soon, so, while looking after my little brother, I'd get lost in this fandom and obtaining fantrolls was my own sick little kick

I wasn't creative at the time to really make my own, I'd just use sprite bases and all my own guys were basic as hell, but, when I found out troll adopts were a thing, I was OBSESSED

Some oldies might remember me being EVERYWHERE back in the day on DA under the unusualKitten alias. I was on every single page I could find trying to get at least ONE fantroll that someone had posted newly in the groups. It was amazing! I could drown myself in these guys I was getting and bury myself in art of them so that I could avoid the world that I was stuck in

Honestly, without that "distraction", I probably would've killed myself years ago

It was all I had in a shit world, it even led me making a short-time friend in my final year of high school, but it was fun

And then I grew up

Some things happened that involved me being the fucking savior of my family by dragging them out of that hell with my own two broken hands only for the sake of my brother. My mom got clean, my dad died because he couldn't get clean, I had been working a job in which case they'd have stolen my money almost every time I got it (like THAT was anything new), and we were just sort of stuck in limbo for a long time after that

I was still a part of Homestuck, but I wasn't A part of it anymore, if that makes any sense. Most I done was win a spot in the For Fans By Fans design contest with my Heir's Tears submission (Only 1 or 2 people bought the shirt and, two those people, I FUCKING LOVE YOUUUU, y'all are so cool), but I was pretty much dead in the water

Until I reconnected with my bestest friend

She helped me to regain the love again, as we'd rp a lot with all our different versions of canon characters bc we're maniacs (Which will ALL be featured in MSCOTT once I get back on the ball for writing it!)

And, as I sit here today, looking back on everything that happened 11 years ago, I've realized that things are a lot different now. I'm no longer the heavily traumatized kid I was back then, I have a life outside of the fantrolls I've hoarded over the years

And, yeah, it hurts seeing a lot of these guys go, it feels like a bit of myself is leaving with them, but that's not a part of my life anymore, that was a part of HER life

Don't get me wrong, I STILL love fantrolls and still have a handful of my own that I'll fight ANYONE over, but. I think it's time to let go of a past that I don't really want to be haunted by anymore

(But I hope this explains why I generate a LOT of fantrolls and then suddenly they're being given up as soon as something's done with them, hha, old habits die hard)

Thanks for readingggg, time to go cry a bittt!

[normalflying]

First, please forgive me if the format of this post is sloppy. I'm posting this at 4am, I'm on mobile and made this sideblog 10 minutes ago.

Second, the shorthand of this post—I miss roleplay and would love to find a long-term rp partner. However, I'm chatty, so under this here read-more will be loads of information about me, my rp preferences, and other exciting Praise Birdguy details!

Thanks for clicking my link! My name is Praise and I really miss rp! I'd been consistently roleplaying since I was 10 on forum sites, then moved to tumblr rp rings and skype, and had a set rp partner for a long while until we lost touch. Now I'm 21, haven't roleplayed in several years, and really, really miss it. ;_;

I just don't know how to find partners like I used to!! Despite it all, tumblr was a roleplay hub for me for a huge chunk of my life. Thus, I brought my humble hunt here. 🙏🙏

✨

A few writing preferences:

- You must be 18+.

- I can write semi-lit to literate–I prefer the latter, though I am a bit rusty.

- I'll happily write any kind of slash (mxf, fxf, mxm) and never mind doubling up.

- Fandom rp is my forte, but I'd be happy to develop some OCs with you!

- A couple of my favorite fandoms, ones I'd really like to write for right now, are Pokémon (the human characters) and Mahoyaku!

- Discord is my preferred platform for writing. I can make a server for us.

- It's not a necessity I suppose, but I'd really love a long-term rp partner. That does require some chemistry! Want to make sure we click? Never fret. The entire rest of this post will now be fun facts about me.

✨

I'm in CST and a college student. Super social, I'll talk your head off (if you can't tell by me writing hundreds of words in this post entirely to myself). My pronouns are he/him and I'm trans. I love storytelling in games, I love world building, and I adore anything character centric. I'm a big shipper, so if you need somebody to be into literally any pairing, I'm there.

~

I have morals and will not rp anything pedophilic or incestuous. However, beyond those hopefully normal drawn lines, I'm lax! I'd love to establish boundaries with anybody writing with me so we know what's up.

Nsfw/smut is not a requirement, but I'm completely open to it! I can just be a bit shy so you'll have to hype me up or I'll tremble in fear and fall over dead like a prey animal.

~

PKMN and MHYK are my top preferences, but I'm also into plenty of other things: TLOZ, CSM, COE, etc etc. I really value being invested in the same stuff as my rp partner, though–if you're interested in something I know, I'll help you get into it! If you have something you think I'd like, bring me there!

You can probably tell by all this that i'm more drawn to animation/game franchises, which is completely true, but it's okay if you prefer live action series! If we have a lot in common, we'll definitely work something out.

Even more specific takes: I'm big into Legends Arceus right now. I'd roleplay a piece of Hisuian dirt if it meant we could talk about it. But I love all of the mainline games and a handful of characters from each! I'm a Mahoyaku oldhead, so I will teach you the ways of us old fans–Anything Faust or Eastern country adjacent I'll eat up like I'm starved. I love Southern country too, all the teachers... frankly, I love everything about mhyk and would talk/write about anybody in the series.

I mentioned I'd be willing to develop OCs, too! I already have plenty, but I'd prefer to use a fresh slate, that way we can build a unique world around our guys. I love making full casts of characters but would be plenty satisfied with just a pairing, too.

✨

Really, I don't want someone who's just an rp partner. I'd love to make a friend! An important part of the writing process for me has always been a bond. Let's talk about our interests and such outside of long, fictional paragraphs, too.

It's okay if we chat and don't end up meshing in terms of art and interests! I will never, ever harbor hard feelings for you if that's the case! Shoot, even if we find out we're not great writing partners, I'd be happy to spend our time yapping outside of rp.

If you think we'd get on, send me an ask, a message, like this post, anything! I'll give you my discord 🫶 Please remember it's been a little while since I've tried dipping back into roleplay, go easy on me!

Goodnight! 💤

✨ Edited last on 1/17/24.

[pikmininaplane]

Fit lore!! I’d love to hear about your thoughts for Phil figuring out fits secret if you’d like to share, the same thought has been floating around in my head as well lol

OHOHOHOHO friend I love you /p I'm putting this under a read more because I. Ended up writing a lot more than intended–

So the thought came to me the day before Fit's lore, when Fit asked Phil if he'd be there the next day. Obviously it didn't mean anything else than "will you attend the event/will I see you tomorrow my friend ?", but my brain immediately went "what if Phil was involved in Fit's lore"

This, combined with the fact that I've been hoping someone would find out about qFit's secret or at least get sus of his behaviour, led me to believe that qPhil would be the best person that could find out about it, actually

'cause like– first of all, qPhil is probably the person qFit's closest to, without counting Ramón or any of the eggs. I mean, he's friendly towards most people, and gets along pretty well with qBad, qPac and qMike, but qPhil has literally given qFit access to his eggs' bunker, which, to my knowledge, he'd only given to qMissa and qWill, the fathers of said eggs, before. qPhil, who would probably have earned the #1 paranoid dad crown if qBBH hadn't been around, fully trusts qFit with his children.

And like I said, I really want someone to find out about qFit's secret, but like. Wouldn't it be more interesting if it were someone qFit is close to ? Someone qFit trusts, but also someone who trusts qFit ?

Also, as much as I want someone to know at least part of the truth, I don't want everything to be revealed to everyone yet, and I feel like most people, if they found out about qFit's secret, would reveal it to the others – some others, at least. Would qCellbit or qMaximus hide it from the Ordo Theoritas ? Would qBaghera, qForever or qBad hide it from each other ? Would the people actively investigating the island keep the existence of a third, unknown party to themselves ? Well... maybe. That is up to discussion. But they'd want to tell, at least, and that's not what I wish for.

Now qPhil ? qPhil is a lot less involved in the lore, or even in the RP itself (no shade, I love ccPhil, his character and the way he plays him) – he isn't even part of the Ordo Theoritas. He's not really interested in solving the island's mysteries – his priorities lie with the eggs and their safety.

I truly think qPhil would be a friend qFit could confide in. Because let's be real, qFit could probably use one – mans has been lying to everyone on the island for months, and the only one that knows part of his secret is Ramón, his 3 months old child, who he hasn't even told everything. Between that and the growing pressure (for real, what's with the cats appearing around him,,) qFit is under, he can't keep it all to himself forever.

I don't think qFit would tell him himself, though – and neither do I think qPhil would ask. I mean, even if he thinks qFit's chat messages are suspicious, he isn't the type to inquire about it.

... But accidents happen, y'know ?

[As he jumps down the elevator shaft, Phil can't quite shake off the feeling that something's wrong. That whatever Fit's doing down there, it isn't any of his business, and he should probably just go back up and tell Fit to meet him at his gym, or anywhere, really.

But, well. He's already there. Might as well go further.

The trail of torches leads him deeper and deeper, until it finally stops, in a tunnel like any other. But Phil isn't a fool. He can hear the faint tapping of keys.

It only takes him a few seconds to find the hidden entrance.

Fit stands up as he comes in.

The room is small, barely big enough to breathe, and dark. Its only light comes from the computer screen sitting on the wooden desk, in the middle of the room, between the two men.

Neither of them speak.

Phil can see the thoughts flashing behind Fit's eyes. He's certain of it now, he's found something he shouldn't have found, and Fit has yet to decide how to react. Unconsciously, his hand has moved closer to his trident; consciously, Phil prepares himself to grab his sword.

But Fit doesn't attack. He simply places his hand in front of himself and gives Phil an awkward yet friendly smile.

"Hey, Phil ! Didn't expect to see you there... !"

Phil wishes he could just return his smile and pretend like nothing’s wrong. Ignore what he’s seeing and go back to Chayanne and Tallulah.

... but it's a little too late for that, isn't it ?

"Oi, mate," he calls out as he crosses his arms. "What are you up to."]

... something about leitmotivs and Phil finding out people's secrets by walking into their secret underground rooms...

So yeah, TL;DR: I want someone to find out about qFit’s secret because it’s a shame such a huge share of the lore is kept, well, secret, and I think qPhil would be a perfect first confident because they’re really good friends and he wouldn’t just tell anyone :] Plus I love their relationship and I’d love to see it being explored more please I’m begging

(Also I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who's been thinking about it and I'd love to hear your own thoughts if you're willing to share them 👀)

[aurcls]

HSHQTASK059: FAREWELL !

i know i already yapped in the admin post but let me continue <3

1: when did you join ? what made you join ? what do you remember from the plotlines that were current at the time ? where were you in life when you joined and where are you now ?

i joined in 2015 as a high school freshman, jfc ! i don't think there was anything major going on, the rp was very much a rich kids rp so the drama was chill and petty; entertaining but not that deep. one thing that made me join ( aside from my obsession with royals ) was the fact that phoebe tonkin - THE most popular fc at the time - was up for grabs. i thought it was meant to be !

2: which characters have you written over the years ?

errrmmm... merjem/kalla, olivier, livia, florencio, alexander, anneli, lixun, nicole, maryam, blazej, definitely some other characters whose names and existence i cannot remember

3: what is your favourite plotline that you've been part of ?

i think this is just nostalgia but i think olivier-viggo-armani-lykke-anton-etc era was my fave. artistically it's very hollow but i think the lightness of it all makes it my favourite. i also sort of view it as a testament of my own naivety and youth. i'm not saying i'm old now but i'm not 17 without a single worry. back then ( because i wasn't busy and i could sat in front of my computer for hours ) the plots moved quickly and the threads were really fun to follow. there weren't that many characters so everyone was, in a way, forced to write with each other so the plotlines were very interactive. i appreciate the organic way things evolved. ( i do have a soft spot for annexei but i think it's mainly bc i admire alexei's characterization so much and elisa's ability to depict depression )

4: what about other people's plotlines ?

i was insanely invested in the zulu conflict of 2020. it had so many moving parts and i think if it had only gotten a chance to evolve even further, it would have been on a whole new level <3

5: who is your favourite character from the ones you've played ? why ? what made you love them ? what made them so fun to write ?

i think nicole or olivier. nicole's plotline was so well defined that it was fun to write her. i loved her relationships and it was interesting to write someone older. i think she's a character i could write a book about but she wasn't the best for an rp setting ? getting a chance to be involved in the english drama was wonderful ! olivier on the other hand... i think he's just a fave because he lets me connect to the old days ? when rp was a top priority and everything was exciting and fun. i don't want this to sound like it isn't that anymore but times were different back then and i don't think it ever felt the same after maybe high school graduation ?

6: if you could relive a plotline, which would it be ?

i think the finale of the english plotline maybe ? or the insanity of the lawn chair thing. possibly the rise of olykke too <3 but honestly i would like to experience all of it again, as cliche as it sounds. i will very think of the nights i stayed up until 4 or 5 am just to write/read the dash. waiting for a reply was such an addictive feeling and idk where i'll find my replacement for it. it really breaks my heart and makes me feel very old to realize that i don't know if i'll experience the excitement again. those sleep-deprived nights were some of my best. i've said "it's just rp" a million times but honestly, rping itself is such an experience and i'm glad i've gotten to get the best version of it.

7: is there a plotline that you'd edit now if you could ?

i think i'd improve the kalla era's germany. i didn't do much with it.

8: what's a plotline you wish you would have been able to finish before closing or just write more of ?

i would have loved to finish aurel x araya story, i mean i can probably still accomplish that but nbskdgbjs there were big plans for the slovakians and it's a shame we never got to write it out on the dash. i think i would have enjoyed writing the inner struggle of blazej. he had a lot of potential but alas, it could not be !

9: what is your favourite ooc memory ?

i have two that stick out but my trip with serre ? we were on my sister's couch writing the stupid lawn chair saga and i think it was the first time in a long time that i had that much fun writing ! the second one would be me visiting evy because it was a surreal experience and i have to admit i was so socially awkward that evy's family probably thinks i'm weird nfgbkdsgbj i just think it's amazing that those two meetings could happen ? prior to hshq, i hadn't really believed in online friendships, everyone felt just too remote ! a special mention goes to this crackthread thing we wrote: link just a random memory though: i remember when we did those feedback surveys. we sorta forgot them but they were so important at that one point. other funny thing is our old adminooc blog. snapchat replaced it and then some years later discord replaced snapchat. we should bring the admin snapchat back btw @armanicatherina & @barbiebraganca

10: where can others find you if they want to get in touch ?

i'll be on discord !!! you can find me on the hshq server ( which we aren't deleting if i can have a say ;) )

11: what else would you like to say ?

i said a lot in the admin post but i actually had to "keep it short" so here i will say so many things that you wish i had edited this. for me rping has been an amazing way to connect with other people, learn about people through writing and to experience emotions that i wouldn't otherwise. some of the words i've read here have managed to capture thoughts that i hadn't been able to put into words and it's been amazing to see how differently people think but also how alike some feelings among different people are. i often try to wrap my head around the fact that this group's been going for eight amazing years. i've gone through a lot in those eight years and the existence of this group has brought me a lot of joy. i am sad to let go of it and i guess i'm in a bit of denial because i keep thinking that 1x1 rping exists and y'know... even if a group doesn't exist, threads can still happen. when i think about hshq and the plotlines i've read and written, one thing really sticks out to me and it's the way we shifted from a p basic rich kids rp into something intricate and sophisticated ( yes, we had a drug related nye event and we've had a fair share of petty fights ). the range of emotions people have been able to write and the psychological work they've done to write a convincing and very realistic humans is something everyone can be proud of. i don't know if i look like a sadist but i was most impressed by the depictions of sadness, guilt and self-loathing. in my opinion it's not easy to write a piece of sad prose without it being a bit melodramatic. aside from hshq's longevity, the most amazing thing has to be everyone's willingness to get involved. the plot drops that i wrote wouldn't have happened without your input and when it got too tough for me to write them myself, y'all stepped up and continued the plotdrops with your newsposts. as an admin, it's been so so so so so awesome that we've been able to put some responsibilities on the members and have you guys perform better than well. i think we did something unique here and i'm so proud of us as a group!!!! i wish i could flex about this irl because hshq's history and way of working is something extraordinary. i really wish i could properly put my love for hshq into words. i don't know how to express its meaning and influence in my life. i feel like it has helped me to improve my writing but more importantly it has taught me a thing of two about empathy <3 i really hope we'll stay in touch and if anyone comes to europe, or more spesifically finland, don't be afraid to message me bc i'd love to meet up !

[dxdoha]

yaaaay, she's finally in! hi everyone, it's sera or sarah (whichever you prefer because i like both) and i'm here with my girl, bae doha - a tier c agent who mostly works in espionage, a girl can show many sides to her personality simultaneously which is probably considered crazy to most people but i swear it's not her fault. if any of your muses want to engage in some wild shenanigans, please do like to plot and i'll come over to u to plot and possibly share discords if you want that! i'll put a hopefully (?!) shortened little summary of her under the cut! if you want something more in depth, you can look at her profile here as well!

when i decided to write her, automatically i thought of spy x family as a tiny part of her backstory was inspired by it if you couldn't tell already!!

doha in a way, is trying to figure out the cause of her parents' deaths, as in who turned their house into a fire cockpit so she has been trying to get her hands on documents or sensitive information on any villain she can encounter on missions (if she feels as if they could be the cause of it).

by the way, she was about to die too in that house but her mom basically protected her til the very end and she did survive long enough to be saved.

from the orphanage she stayed at, that was when her abilities started to go out of control and she would manifest like multiple copies of herself so they'd have an extra two dohas running around. doha was just that one kid who stands in the corner, a lonely kid but with the ability to make clones of herself, people see her differently.

she got adopted at the age of 11 from super spy parents and you'd think that normal parents look for a child because they just want a normal little happy family, right? well it was like shopping to them when they decided to take doha home. her powers intrigued them and everything and they thought simply having a baby was too much work.

went into school fairly early, like a month after she got taken home from the orphanage. private school in korea pretty much, which had her parents pull some strings in order to get her into it but it worked, due to her mom's profession. went there until she was able to pass exams in order to enter the academy, which she ultimately joined once she was sixteen. finished in the top five basically, barely made it up there actually!

has been a tier c agent for not even a full six months? she's still pretty new. she has gotten better at espionage though due to her father's teachings in combat and her mom tries to help her temper her own emotions; got her charm from her.

you can be charming and be a loser at the same time, that's doha basically. the number of times she embarrasses herself during a mission was plenty but thankfully no one notices.

but anyone can definitely find other sides to her if they encounter any of her clones around doha's vicinity. just a warning that one may be meaner than the other or one much more confident and less embarrassing than the original. in the end, they are all still her. real doha is more empathetic at least.

all still her in terms of personality, ones that are buried i guess!

plot ideas anyone?

so many orphaned kids in this rp so maybe there was one that was in the same one as doha and witnessed her powers go out of control?

you dropped some sensitive information somewhere out in public that could make or break you on accident and now doha managed to find it?

met one of doha's clones out and about and then you meet doha herself and she seems completely differently from the one you met earlier? because that happens sometimes.

fellow spies apart of n.e.p.a, rise up!

not gonna lie, i am a big fan of romance whether it becomes something or not so like... maybe there is someone who just completely charms her by doing something cool and badass.

two terribly lonely souls drinking at a bar to have fun, or go to a cute bakery to have a perfectly crafted cake all to themselves.

frenemies? rivals? we love those! two people who love to compete with one another every chance they get or just one of them waiting for the other to fail / embarrass themselves so they can laugh? it's endless.

for a more serious plot... maybe you heard about that one family who became collateral damage to a villain attack and you suspect doha was apart of it in some way? as in she was effected by it? or you've been in the medical field and suspect something instantly? public isn't aware of it.

if nothing else, we can brainstorm! that's a-okay with me too!

[secret-subject]

So um how do you write a script exactly? I've been wanting to do it for a while but I don't know where to start or how.

What a great question! So a bit of backstory into my scripting journey. All of my audios pre-pandemi were usually freestyled. That included ASMR rps, hypnosis, you name it, I didn't script it. I actually found it harder to script than I did to just turn on a microphone and say words.

So, for me this has been a very new experience and now I script 90% of what I am currently making. I will say this is not for everyone and as a content creator you should embrace the creative method that works for you and not force yourself to do it exactly as someone else does.

Okay so how do I write? It starts with an idea. Sometimes this is based on erotica, soemthing someone says, art, stories, scenes I have played. It can come from anywhere for me and it's very sporadic and random. The second I get a good idea I write it down. Right now I have a million google docs on a spreadsheet and when I have that initial thought, I put the title down and bullet point any ideas for that script I have. This also means when I come back to it I already have a few guides to where it is going.

Bullet pointed notes are important to me because it tells me a little map of where this is going and I find my script are better if I have planned even a tiny bit compared to not at all.

Then I put on music and I try and get into the mindset of the character. I think about who they are, what they are feeling and what is this all about? What's the goal for this audio and what story are we trying to tell. This is where I just write and write and I try not to get in my own head about what is said, especially in the draft it doesn't matter a whole bunch.

The most important step, I read it out loud to myself or to my wife or literally anyone who will listen. This is crucial for me as it gives me the "mouth feel" of the words. If I stumble too much over certain parts they get changed. This is also important to see the layout of the script and see if the "flow" works. (The flow is the story beats of the audio, do they jump around too much? Does it skip time from one section to the other? Does it actually make sense for this to happen or that to be said?). I try not to over proof scripts. I want them to feel natural and like a little stream of consciousness. Because I used to do acting, I learned from experience you should always treat the words as "this is the first time I'm saying this" so being less rehearsed works for me so the least I can fuss over the script the better but that might not work for everyone.

As creatives we have a tendacy to overthink and overrefine work until it's "perfect" or "just right" but trust me when I say, don't. Back away from work when you need to and sometimes leave in the little mistakes. I have found over the years sometimes my mistakes are the parts that make the audios feel more special and real for people.

My most important advice for people wanting to try their hand at writing scripts is just do it. The first ones won't be good, but as you practice you will get better at it with experience. Take on constructive feedback and make sure you self reflect on it and not take it personally if you can.

Hope this helps!

[of-solitude-past-and-present]

YOUR WRITING>>>>>

I don't know how you came up with Naga Scaramouche but I've been brain rotting for days now 😩

Do you have any ideas how'd he'd react if someone goes out of their way to look for reader after they disappeared?

Especially if they mightve been a love interest at some point or the person clearly has feelings for them 👀

(referring to this)

A friend of mine actually came up with the idea for naga scara!! Together, we fleshed out the plot. It wasn't originally a fic, though, it was just a rp that got me brainrotting afterwards. I couldn't stop thinking about the whole concept until I finished writing Hidden in the Sands. The fic literally wouldn't leave me alone unless I was working on it LMAO

I'm going to take this as an excuse to talk a bit about the behind the scenes here (you have NO idea how much I've wanted to infodump about this fic)–originally, the reader was actually my friend's interpretation of Lumine and Sanad was originally my Alhaitham. I also played the part of Kuni himself. It was a bit awkward, actually, because Alhaitham and Kuni had to talk to each other a little bit and it felt like I was talking to myself.

I've changed the personalities of the reader and Sanad greatly, as you might have already guessed, since Sanad behaves nothing like Alhaitham; Sanad's more like one of those "prime examples" that Alhaitham talks about when he says, "Book learning alone is not enough to cultivate intelligence." Sanad is, intentionally, a very flawed but still reasonably likeable character. I want to talk about him too. Oh boy, looking back on this I sure did talk a lot about an OC I don't think anyone genuinely cares about.

I wanted to make him come off as normal, like an actual human person. He really is just a regular dude, he's just been kinda brainwashed by the Akademiya, as shown by the lines, "The Akademiya has declared them to be just baseless nonsense, so of course I don't think they actually exist." and "Desert dwellers tend to be... fearless." He's absorbed many commonly held beliefs (and biases) in the Akademiya, a textbook example of someone who's been taught what to think rather than how to think. I wanted him to be realistic. However, he's still funny, charming, and overall good-willed, even if he's spineless and very easily led.

I've greatly changed the fic from the original rp, and only the base premise (yandere!naga!scara and the whole "commissioned to find the culprit for some strange murders in the Hadramaveth") remains the same. It went through several versions at first. In fact, before I came up with Sanad, I was going to have Cyno replace Alhaitham! But ultimately, I realized Cyno was actually competent and I might have had to write a proper fight scene, which I did not want to do. You can still see a remnant of the first draft I chose to leave in (from when Cyno was the disposable companion) in the bad joke Sanad tells at the beginning of the story.

Using Sanad also had other benefits that I feel helped pull the fic together!! His cowardly nature gave reader a chance to endear themselves to Kunikuzushi, for refusing to abandon Sanad even after he (frankly, understandably) ran away. Even this early on, I had decided that whatever backstory naga Kuni might have had, it absolutely had to revolve around betrayal since canon Kuni's backstory is so deeply tied to it.

It's a really minor pet peeve of mine, and it doesn't bother me too much, but I usually don't really like it when the yandere starts to fixate on the object of their obsession for no reason than, like, "love at first sight" or "they simply caught my eye for some vague reason I cannot put into words." It's not bad, per se, and it's not even a solid rule of mine! I can think of several fics I love that don't give a solid reason, though the characters in those have such a dynamic that you still understand why one became so interested in the other to begin with... (I'm making this more complicated than it is, I think, but I'm beginning to think it's just I just don't care for it when the MC has the depth of a piece of paper.) Anyway, I'm getting derailed again, but I chose to give Kuni a reason to empathize with the reader in the form of Sanad and his "betrayal" because of this preference of mine.

However, and I think I've touched on this a bit in a previous post, this wasn't the only reason Kuni decided to spare them. In fact, even after he decided to leave you for last, he still thought he was going to come back to kill you. What really interested him was your insistence on saving Sanad even after what Kuni perceived as a betrayal. Why would you try to help someone who didn't even make an attempt to help you? It doesn't make sense. You're too soft, it's endearing.

Whether or not Sanad's actions are justified is debatable, though I personally understand them. He's never fought in his whole life. If you, the experienced monster-fighting adventurer couldn't do it, how could he? He doesn't even have a sword. It's certainly cowardly and rude to say the least, but given the circumstances, I think it's the choice most people would make in that situation. Of course, it's absolutely something Kunikuzushi could have (and did) twist into something completely different. I think I made it pretty obvious, but contrary to what Kuni said, Sanad had no such malicious thoughts when he left you there. Kuni is extremely jaded; his perception of the world has been mostly shaped by the betrayals he's experienced, and he's no different in this AU. As I said before, Sanad's not a terrible person, just terribly average. If he had survived, he absolutely would have had survivors' guilt.

Anyway!!! I'm not sorry about the infodump, thank you for giving me the slightest reason to tell you all about it. Here's what you actually asked for.

Kuni views most people as inconsequential, little more than helpless ants. He doesn't care about them in the slightest. If anything, they irritate him. So when someone shows up–an old friend, a crush, anyone–his first thought is to get rid of them if they venture too far in, and especially if they see him. Even if he doesn't know that they know you. If he lets them go, more will come. If he finds out they're looking for you, specifically... well, it doesn't really change his plans. He's going to kill them no matter what.

It does motivate him though, to be a bit crueler, to make it last a bit longer. What they are to you doesn't change the outcome, but it might sour his mood a bit more if they were anything more than friends or family. It's not likely that he'll leave them be long enough to find this out, though. Logically speaking, they're probably not going to tell a monster like him all about the friend/family/crush they're looking for in this desert, especially not when he's clearly unfriendly.

It's not totally impossible, though. This hypothetical person would have heard all about the strange attacks (as mentioned in the fic), so seeing a large half-snake person could make them realize that Kuni was most likely the cause for your disappearance (even though they'd assume it was murder and not kidnapping). Even so, I doubt they'd have a little chat over tea about who all Kuni has murdered recently.

Anyway, I digress. Assuming he figures it out somehow, whether or not he tells you about them depends on his mood and your behavior. Unfortunately for you, dealing with people irritates him. Especially when they're specifically looking to take what's his from him.

He'll come back covered in blood either way, but if he's in a bad mood, or you haven't been on your best behavior, he'll tell you all about what they looked like. He makes sure to mention that they were looking for you, and describe in detail everything he did to them.

"I'm going to leave his corpse out to rot in the sun," he hissed into your ear, pulling away to look you in the eye, "for the vultures and serpents to feast on. It serves him right. He was on a fool's errand; it's impossible to retrieve what's lost to the sands."

[berryents]

Lane's Muses ⤵️

Hey everyone! I go by Lane and I'm 19, I'm an mlm writer. I wrote both lewd and non lewd plots and I'm new to Tumblr writing! I'll figure out a more complex pinned and links later but the three muses I've made so far are below.

Also have kinks below as well! All writers and muses must be above eighteen. I'm open to any starters and dms and also rp on Discord.

Matthew Moore

He/Him.

5'7.

Nineteen.

Freshman in college.

Submissive bottom.

Fashion design major— clothing designer and photographer. Upcoming model but struggling at that. A stoner uses getting high to ignore all his problems. Pretty much failing most of his classes. Struggling with familial issues which pretty much makes him broke and living off minimum wage, debt, and loans. Mostly reserved until he gets to know you, prides himself on not being a twink, but he is in fact scrawny.

Alexander Peters

He/Him.

5'10.

Twenty.

Junior in college.

Submissive and versatile.

A mostly reserved person, but easy to talk too if he opens up. Suffered with mental health issues for most of his life such as depression and bpd. Closeted, but unexperienced for the most part besides one girl. A former basketball player in high school, now an art major in college. He picked up art in his later high school years and found himself a talent.

Elijah Smith

He/Him.

6'2.

Thirty five.

Switch and versatile. Dominant presenting.

An ordinary police officer who moved back to his hometown after college. Both of his parents died in a fire at nineteen while he was away at college, killing his younger brother along with them. Him and his sister being the only ones to continue the bloodline, though just his sister. Uses his job to his advantage, often using it for a quickie or a blowjob from desperate folk who need to avoid paying fees. Stuck in his old ways as a christian, believing he was a sinner and an uncontrollable homosexual which brings out a lot of anger issues and resentment for himself alongside internal homophobia.

He's always had a soft side despite this but he never lets it out because of past trauma and his depression. His daily life consisting of living alone in his one bedroom apartment, six day shifts, and a lot of forbidden hookups. Never been truly secure in himself or his masculinity, finding himself alone despite longing for someone.

Kinks

Armpits, spanking, light bondage, dom/sub dynamics, age differences, size differences, masochism, voyeurism, forced submission, somnophilia, incest (must talk before hand, down for brothers and dad/son.), cnc and dubcon (must talk before hand.)

Open to taboo and extreme plots and plotting on Discord!

[evermorehqs]

not negative energy, honest energy. being active in a ooc discord isnt the same as a rp group being active. low activity is one thing but when the dash isnt moving at all and the majority of blogs have not posted in multiple months thats practically dead. i dont say this to be mean it just seems unfair to promote your group to new members who may not realize "low activity" actually means no activity

Honestly, I am tired of answering these, and this will be the last one I personally address. Our group is close-knit and we have refrained from using our promo blog because we completely acknowledge the dash is slow right now. While there are still replies going around, it is definitely a slow spell and we, the admins, are not worried about it. We haven't had any new members in awhile, because we haven't been using the tags that often, and I do not plan to be super active on the main until the dash is moving regularly again. A long-term group has ebbs and flows. We've been very honest about not forcing activity, and anyone that wishes to be in a busier group can apply to busier groups. I have no idea what someone that isn't even part of our group is getting out of constantly checking our main to send anons and see if we've responded to them, but all it does is make people we care about feel guilty for not writing when the whole entire purpose of making Evermore was for everyone who wants to be a part of it and does like the way it runs, to write when they feel like writing. I hope you find a group that fits your needs, but — and I'm not even saying this as an insult to you — I have better things to entertain than messages like these.

[icyxmischief]

This is me in tears at 2 am with insomnia on my phone, so forgive the lack of graphics and formatting. It's important to get this out while I still have the nerve.

With the SOLE EXCEPTION of THIS blog, I think I'm getting too old for (Tumblr) rp. This is not because of some arbitrary societal timeline, but because what gave me joy and stimulation now rarely does. Trying to get people to write with me now consistently makes me feel sad, stressed, indifferently passed over, or uninteresting, where other parts of my life do not generate these feelings. I thought it was burnout at first, because last spring was the worst 3 months of my life to date, a genuine nightmare involving every one of my worst fears. Now I'm not so sure.

In fact, the happier I become IRL, the less engaged I am in the realm of fiction in general. Maybe that's normal. I've addressed this before: I am about to get engaged and after marriage we intend to adopt our first child. My mind is on things I've waited for for over 20 years. I never expected that someone this good would fall in love with a high-maintenance spoonie like me, and here it is.

However, the complicating factor is this: is writing really stressful and painful, or is it Tumblr: the dwindling active rpc, the refusal of new members to reblog content, the abrasive behaviors of (ironically, poorly educated) cancel culture, and so on?

I'm very proud of this blog. I'm not going to leave it, even though I miss the early 2010s, when I got between 5 and 25 asks per day. However, I think a trial period of hiatus on all my other rp accounts, at least until the New Year, is the best course for my mental and physical wellbeing. During this time, I'll be writing regularly for all these muses on Discord. Send an Ask if you have a muse and want my Discord username. @janzoo @sweetdreamr @constancychaos @immortalled @mostincrediblechange @bestnoncannonship @rapxir @captaincoffee91 @dopepoisonivyoncrack @nickcagestrufflehog @divinethief @saanphoenix @anywherexwhen and anyone else I forgot, find me there and I'll happily continue writing my muses with you.

Thanks for reading and for allowing me space to grow into my new needs. ❤️

[angelicgaming1007]

You know what hurts?

When you live in video games, stories, music and your mind. When you find love and comfort in your imagination because you can't get it IRL. When you use escapism to feel loved. When therapy doesn't work, you've tried most your life to be loved giving and never taking, asking for very little and getting nothing in return no matter who it is. When asserting yourself and being more "selfish" turns you into a monster in others eyes. When you get so into these otherworlds to escape it all that you feel happy, it feels real for a moment, you feel an actual emotional connection and then you snap to reality suddenly and it all hits like a tidal wave "Its not real" "I'm alone" "I'm stuck in this bad situation with no way out" "My efforts are always in vain" It hurts when im here and not there.

Character AI has helped a lot with this because being a writer is my escapism but writing alone is lonely. Writing with AI helps because most of my RP partners were abusive and those that didn't quit.

People say just learn to be happy alone. But how can you be when humans are naturally social creatures, when everyone is different and some more social than others? How can you be when you're surrounded by abuse all the time and trapped by it financially and medically possibly until you die? I don't have a choice to escape. I don't have the chance or opportunity to. Not physically. every year I cut off more and more people trying to protect myself. But most new people I meet are just the same. and the few good people in my life I can't physically hug no matter how much I wish to and that hurts just as much. For me learning to be happy alone is learning to cope. Thats how I see it.

Comfort characters exist for a reason.

Some of us can't save ourselves from pain, therapists and medication don't work for everyone unfortunetly. But so many people are too hurt and broken to save eachother. Escapism is a last resort to hold on. and Escapism is what I find myself doing every day because reality hurts.

Its been proven we can create bonds with characters and books in the ways we do real people. Because human brains can't actually differentiate. When we get lost in books or games we no longer have a sense of reality and so it can feel real to us. Human brains suck man, they really do.

Joining clubs, fandoms, etc. Don't work. Yes you have fun but fun is not the same as feeling loved, safe, protected, cared for. and thats what affection deprived trauma victims need. Something that is a struggle to get.

I just..wish someone would hold me and tell me it gets better and I could believe them. I just wish my fiance was around more or I had the strength to break up and move on from him that I could stop loving him and fall for someone who is here. Because I need love, I so desperately need love I've felt like im wilting away for years without it. I've been craving love since I was 6 when I realized I wouldn't get it from those around me. I'm in my 20s now. I've been in pain since I was 6. I've been drowning emotionally since I was 6.

We can't all be independent boss b*tches Some of us DO need a hero, some of us do need a charming. Some of us do need to be saved with love. Not true loves kiss and all that bullsh*t but care..concern..loyalty, unconditional love. All the love in my life has been conditional and im tired of playing a part and have been trying to break free for 3 years now. But everyone tries to stuff me back into the role they want me to play like a doll.

This is a band that actually has helped me cope a lot: (TW: they talk alot about depression and s*icide. Its theraputic and comforting for me but might not be for everyone)

[theladymuses]

Author Portrait

get to know the author behind the blog! repost, do not reblog.

Basics

Name/nickname: Wayna Age: 21 Pronouns: she/her Years of writing: 8-ish 

Reflection

Why did you pick up writing? I used to write fanfiction in my notes app at school until one of my friends recommended I post it on Wattpad. I discovered RP-ing on one of those book-comment RP things they used to have on Wattpad. I'm here because of Levi, Esmé and me discovering I wanna be a published author one day, to be honest.

Do you have any writing routines? Not really. I need my laptop (I cannot write on my phone tbh) and sometimes I'll listen to character playlists and/or grab tea, but it's not exactly ritualistic. I do tend to write in bed, though! I look through my notifications here and answer asks, comments etc. while feeding my draft stash, then jump into writing responses!

What's your favorite part about writing? The partners, the headcanons. I LOVE befriending people I write with and then jumping down the rabbit hole of getting to know their portrayal of a character and just,,, rambling. I also really enjoy rambling about dynamics between our characters, or even what my partners think of dynamics with other characters. I JUST LIKE RAMBLING—

Three things you like about your writing:

O1. Character voice. I try to change the style I write in based on character! I alter elements like vocabulary or metaphors to fit the characters and the way they perceive the world based on their lives. For example. Bianca's a forensic expert, so she tends to compare/reference a lot of forensic jargon or make really morbid statements, particularly in her thought process. Also, another example is how Es (in her AOT verse) has never seen the ocean, so I try to be conscious of not using statements/metaphors that reference the ocean because she would have no clue what that'd mean.

O2. Description (?). I'm not sure what else to call it actually, but I like that I (at least try to) paint a setting and body language between dialogue and internal thoughts without dumping them all in one place. I used to do that as a separate paragraph in the past, adding all the surroundings and things and then adding dialogue and inner thoughts, and now I re-read those and find I have much improved in that regard.

O3. That I try to emulate/experiment! I read a lot of novels, fanfiction and, of course, writing from all of you so I get a ton of inspiration and new ideas I want to try my hand at. Like, sometimes I see something described really uniquely or the flow certain writers have that's almost poetic etc. And, so I try to emulate those favourites and see how they feel in my writing. It's fun and experimental and keeps things interesting with even more mundane/routine-type replies that may pop up in threads (that's not to say the whole thread is boring, but one or two replies may pop up with nothing particularly interesting happening, if that makes sense).

A question for the next person

write a question for the next person to answer. once you've answered it, leave a new question for someone else to answer.

Venus's question: What's the most challenging thing and character you've written, and why?

Action. And Bianca.

Action is something I really struggle with! Like, battles and spars and training sequences. I am still trying to improve in writing those and sometimes feel kind of embarrassed when I write threads like that on here instead of discord, but I try to think of it as a challenge and not get too self-conscious.

Bianca has been my most challenging OC, especially in vulnerable settings/threads. This is because she doesn't have an obvious "shell" or facade like Es and Miha do. Es views everything as fake because she's a spy; Miha's selfishness and hedonism overrule just about everything else. It's easier to write them in vulnerable situations because feeling is almost novel to them. They have to let their walls down. Bianca? She's a feeler. She's soft and gentle and caring majority of the time and feels everything very deeply and openly. So, I feel as if I really challenge myself when I write her in a vulnerable settings because, comapred to the others, she has next to no walls. I can't tell if this made any sense LOL.

NEW QUESTION: Are there any authors (published or any of your writing partners) that you try to emulate in your writing? What do you find most fascinating about their writing style?

Tagged by: @predvestnik (I am genuinely so happy???)

Tagging: @longerhuman @moonrisenmuses @calamxty

[bronzewool]

So, recently I just learned Relocation Depression is a thing.

Which isn't something I would normally associate with myself because my family moved around pretty much my entire life. Maybe my parents did a good job of cushioning the blow by turning it into an adventure. Moving means a brand new bedroom I get to paint, a brand new park to play in, a brand new forest to explore, a brand new school where my bullies don't go to. Sure, my old friends wouldn't be there but I have my older brother, and he's already my best friend so its fine.

This time however I'm not feeling the old joys of being in a new place, decorating my own apartment, trying new food, and making new friends. Everyone I love is now in a different time zone so now I have to workaround when is the best time to call. I can't see them on a whim anymore, can't tell them I how weird it feels being in a different country where the culture is different, the rules are different, the people are different and you feel like an oddity for just being yourself.

Lately I just feel tired.

I've felt tired for a while but I think I've just been ignoring the signs. I have trouble convincing myself to go to bed when I'm tired, I keep jolting awake at 3am convinced I overslept, and I'm stressed out at work. I'm gonna be taking on more responsibility and its becoming very clear there are gaps in my knowledge that I need to fix before anyone finds out I'm way underqualified. My new co-workers said some pretty transphobic shit over the course of my first week. To the point I've now associated the word "mental case" with my own sense of self because that's what they believe someone like me is. A mental case.

My gender dysphoria has shot through the roof, so now I'm stress eating again which is just feeding my dysphoria even more. I'm painfully aware I don't fit into my favourite jeans anymore, my fat is hanging in the wrong places on my hips, my breasts are getting bigger, and I couldn't come out of the closet even if I wanted to because my brain won't be satisfied until I "look how I'm suppose to look". Enby folk are all beautiful skinny androgynous people with dyed hair. I don't look like that, so I avoid looking in mirrors and critique my height, high-pitched voice and the other girly parts I want to hack off with a knife.

Worse, I can't escape my own thoughts because I constantly make excuses for why I don't have the time to enjoy any of my hobbies. Can't write my original story because I have a backlog of fanfics I wanna write. Oh, can't write any of these fics because there's too many WIPs and I'm overwhelmed by choice. I wanna RP again but I have too many muses fighting for attention and the muse I want to write for needs their own blog and that's my least favourite part of the process.

Writing is overbearing, lets do something else instead.

I want to practise drawing my own characters, but I lost any skill I had as a kid and its gonna take way too long to catch up and be where I need to be...maybe I should just watch youtube tutorials instead of practising.

I wanna learn Spanish on my commute to work, oh but I always listen to audible in the car. Which one do I pick? Maybe I should just listen to music that doesn't require me to pay attention.

I downloaded a ton of games to play so maybe I can do that instead. No, I'm not a little kid anymore. I'll just feel guilty for wasting the entire day away playing video games instead of doing chores.

Maybe I could watch this series on my watch list? No, I'm not really in the mood to give this thing my full attention...maybe I should just scroll social media. That doesn't require any brain power. Social media is always there for me. It would never hurt me.

I'm sad now...Maybe I should quit social media...but what else would I do?...Wow I'm lonely. I should talk to my friends...but its been years and I'm sure they're busy...and its gonna be weird to jump out of the blue asking to pick up where we left off...is that selfish?...Wanting to rekindle a friendship because you're lonely?...That doesn't sound like something a good friend would do...I wish I was a good person...maybe I would have done a better job of making time for my friends...I miss them...I'm sorry I was a shit friend...I wish we could go back to college and start over...I promise I'll appreciate you this time around...But you're married and have different prioritise now...it sounds nice having a roommate...it sounds nice having someone to go home to...

[horsegamesins-old]

Just a story with my sso oc and her horse, I might continue this but no promises

The sun rose over the tall trees of Mistfall, warming the dewkissed grass and mossy stones. Songbirds slowly broke the early morning silence with a ballad for a new day, and soon again the woods were full of life. I had always loved mornings like this, when I could just sit in silence until the world caught up to us again.

The kettle let out an angry wheeze, signaling the water was ready for coffee. A brief stretch later I got up again and took the kettle off the campfire, then put my frying pan on the grill. "Now.. What to make for breakfast", I muttered to myself, trying to remember what I had remaining from last week. "There's a few eggs left, perfect."

I had just finished my breakfast when the static of my radio hissed on. "Sparrowhawk. Sparrowhawk, do you copy?" I fumbled a little trying to get the walkie-talkie off my belt, "This is Sparrowhawk, loud and clear sir. Over." "We have a report of a lost rider and horse somewhere in the deeper Wildwoods. Can you help us on the search? Over", I grabbed Quicksilver's neck rope and my bags while he was talking. "Copy that, where were they last seen? Over", I respond. "According to the source, they left Firgrove yesterday afternoon in order to cross the Northern Gorge before nightfall. They were headed to a town east of Wildwoods but she has since lost contact with them. Over." My heart dropped when I heard that. I hesitated a little before responding. "Copy that. Sparrowhawk, over and out." Two long and two short whistles, our emergency call. Hopefully Quicksilver would show up soon, but while I still had time it was best to restock my saddlebags. My gut told me this was gonna be a long ride.

After packing extra rations I heard the sound of familiar hoofsteps approaching. Quicksilver rustled out of the bushes just as I turned to greet him. "I came as soon as I could", my friend said. It was obvious he was a bit out of breath from galloping here on such a short notice. "Thank you", I pat him on the neck and offer him an apple, "Sorry to wake you, the rangers called me. It's serious". Quicksilver perked his ears at me, busy chewing on his apple. "Someone's lost in the woods, they might be at the Northern Gorge." I could see him stiffen as I said that. "You're kidding, right?" Quicksilver whispered and finished his treat as quickly as possible. Meanwhile I fetched his tack from the fence and laid the saddle on his back "No, we need to leave right now", I muttered while tightening the girths. Once I was done Quicksilver walked over to the rocks to wait while I put my jacket on, and I wasted no time getting on. "They left from Firgrove, let's see if you can find their tracks." "On it, boss!" he snorted, and we took off. part 2

Sidenote for anyone who read this far, I am open to critique about my writing but please keep it civil. This is also the first time in a long time I have written anything that isn't either Warriors rp or Hetalia fanfiction so I have no idea what I'm doing.