#i'm v out of practice at The Digital Drawing :(

[valhallavalgrace]

How are you adjusting to the whole Norse mythology situation?

LEO: I’ve mostly been bugging some of the older einherjar, and Hunding, a little bit, to figure this place out. Do you know how cool it is that some people have been here since the industrial revolution?? There's no way that I'm the first of my dad's kids to make it here. I just don't know who to talk to about it.

((Leo's coping mechanism re: Norse mythology is just hating himself more bc of course he doesn't belong in his own afterlife. but he won't admit that to anyone bc he doesn't know who can be vulnerable with.))

prev ask

[sailorpants]

in south essex quirky, teresa wears a jean jacket. this is because a jean jacket was, in my opinion, the coolest fashion item of 2015.

[bigbrainbiology]

Money Over Marriage Art and Story by Sizz~Nee <3

The half vampire Aria Rosehelm has never had to work for anything in her 99 years of existence - her father Reymond Rosehelm, a successful businessman and timber merchant both in life and undeath, has always had more than enough money to spoil his daughter.

But her father has issued her with an ultimatum now that she is about to enter her 100th year: start a business and earn at least 10,000 gold coins, or marry Chaiya Leux, the notorious adopted son of the late Duke Leux.

What's worse is, she finds herself competing against Chaiya's ex-fiancee Victoria, and only has a year to set up a business to earn the money!

—————————————————————————————————— So I made an official side account specifically for this project and the art I'll do for it -> @money-over-marriage

I'll still be reblogging the MoM art here too, but the new blog will be my archive of-a-sorts, where it'll all be specifically for that story, and any completed chapters <3

I'll also be posting WIPs, Chp ideas, asking for feedback/help, clean versions of cover art, and so on over there too! (e.g. for extra character designs I might ask for name ideas, etc.)

I deffo won't be working on this as the only art I do, I like drawing fanart too much to only focus on this, but I'm hoping to have chp 0 out before I graduate lol Also, Whilst I'm probably keeping the title as is, the summary and plot all all still 100% works-in-progress, so things will change, and there will be SO many plot holes bc I haven't written a fiction piece since high school, let alone for a webcomic XD

I don't plan on using @b3-art-archive to archive any of my MoM works, nor do I plan on doing anything with webtoon as of now bc I don't like working on very long canvases, so this will all stay on tumblr fn ^v^

[pedrospatch]

baby, i’m yours

Jackson! Joel Miller x Female Reader

summary: You remind Joel that you’re his.

warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI. READER HAS NO PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION however she does wear Joel’s t-shirt and he semi lifts her onto a counter? sorta but not really? UNSPECIFIED AGE GAP (Joel is in his 50’s but reader’s specific age is not mentioned). established relationship, sort of. consumption of food (if you are allergic to peanuts, i so sorry). angst, Joel and Ellie’s strained relationship is lightly implied, Joel is insecure, it’s implied reader did some horrible things in her past, reassurance, brief smut, unprotected p in v sex, creampie, consider it a quickie idk. apologies if i missed anything.

word count: 2.6k

a/n: this short lil thing has been sitting in my drafts forever. i finished it while i was in ireland and finally had the chance to sit down and do a quick edit and when i say it was quick, i flew through it so i could hop onto my next wip so please excuse any errors! here’s a spotify link to the song if anyone’s curious, it’s an oldie but a goodie although it may not be everyone’s cup of tea.

main masterlist l fic notifs

Joel rolls over in bed, his arm outstretched and seeking the warmth of your soft, naked body.

“Mmph,” a small, sleepy groan falls from his lips as his long, thick fingers feel around on your side of the bed—of his bed. Of course, you have your very own bedroom in the house you all had been placed in when you first arrived in Jackson. Your very own bed to sleep in is just down the hallway, but lately, you’ve been waking up beside him a lot more often than not, especially now that Ellie’s a bit older and she’s gone and made herself her own space out in the garage behind the house. Being under the same roof as Joel did those two more harm than it did good, and while you missed having her around, it was for the best.

“She’ll come around, Joel,” you’d assured him. “I know she will. She just needs a bit of time is all.”

“Hope you’re right, darlin’,” he had murmured sadly in response.

Still lost somewhere in between sleep and full consciousness, Joel continues feeling around for you, but all he finds are the wrinkled sheets, cold and abandoned. Confused, his eyes finally flutter open and with a painful protest from his sore, stiff back, he sits up, blinking furiously as he looks around the darkness of his bedroom. The door’s been left cracked open ever so slightly, and as his vision adjusts now that he’s fully awake, he notices the dim glow of the hallway light that’s peeking through into the room.

He turns and glances over at the old digital alarm clock perched on his nightstand, the obnoxious, bright red numbers practically screaming at him that it’s a quarter past midnight. With a small, tired grunt, Joel switches on the lamp beside the clock and swings his legs over the side of the mattress, goosebumps erupting across his flesh the instant that his bare feet meet the cold, hardwood floor. He stands and fumbles around for his clothes, which he’d tossed carelessly somewhere over his shoulder hours earlier when he’d been lost in the heat of the moment with you. He finds his faded, navy blue sweatpants strewn across a chair next to the door and pulls them on over his naked lower body before searching for his t-shirt. When he doesn’t immediately see it, he doesn’t bother, figuring that it’s just going to come back off when he climbs back into bed with you.

Padding out of his bedroom, he makes his way down the hallway, heading towards the staircase. As he draws closer, he hears it—the soft music that’s coming from downstairs.

Baby, I'm yours

and I'll be yours until the stars fall from the sky

yours until the rivers all run dry

in other words, until I die

He’s led towards the kitchen and that’s where he finds you.

Joel wants to be annoyed. 

Fuck, he tries to be annoyed. But he can’t help the way that the corners of his mouth threaten to turn upwards when his eyes take in the sight before him.

You’re standing at the center island slowly swaying your hips from side to side along to the beat of the song that’s playing from the record player perched next to the instant coffee maker on the counter behind you. He’d nearly wrung your neck when he found out what all you had traded just to get your hands on it, but you loved that thing more than life itself it seemed, so he couldn’t stay mad for very long. You’re making yourself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich—the peanut butter you’d learned how to make yourself with the old food processor he found deep in one of the kitchen cabinets, and the strawberry preserves you had picked up from the market earlier that week. Clad in nothing but his t-shirt, you’re singing along quietly to the lyrics as you finish making your late night snack.

Baby, I’m yours

and I’ll be yours until the sun no longer shines

yours until the poets run out of rhyme

in other words, until the end of time

Joel leans against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his bare chest as he watches you carefully lick the remnants of peanut butter off of the knife you’re using before setting it down on the counter. You then pick up the two pieces of bread and slap them together—you’d also learned how to bake homemade bread using some old nineties cookbook you had found in the commune’s library. Your sourdough is the reason he had to go up a notch in his belt.

Sandwich in hand, you do a little spin, humming happily as you take your first bite.

Joel loudly clears his throat from the doorway.

Startled, you whirl around and freeze, your eyes wide.

“Enjoyin’ yourself there, darlin’?” He asks amusedly as he approaches you.

“Jesus Christ! You scared me, Joel!” You hiss at him. You then realize what time of night it is and a look of guilt crosses your features. “Oh shit. I’m sorry, did I wake you up? I honestly thought that I had the volume down low enough in here—”

Frowning, you turn around and reach towards the record player to turn the music off, but much to your surprise, Joel stops you. “No, s’okay. I woke up on my own,” he assures you. “I reached over for you and you were gone.” The admission slips before he can even think to stop it. He notices how taken aback you are by what he’d just said and quickly asks, “What’cha doin’ up so late, anyway?”

“I was hungry,” you tell him, sheepishly holding up your food. You always have one hell of an appetite after Joel was through fucking you senseless. You take another bite and offer it to him. “Want some?”

“Sure.”

He accepts and takes a corner of the sandwich before handing it back to you. His fingers brush against yours and his face burns at the contact.

Fucking Christ. 

You’re standing there in nothing but his fucking t-shirt after he had, yet again, made you his in his own fucking bed, and that’s what gets him?

Truth be told, the only time he holds your hand is when he’s inside of you—his fingers lace with your own as he comforts you and praises you for being such a good girl for taking his cock the way you do.

For being so, so fucking good for him.

He’s thought about taking your hand in front of others. Particularly when he notices the way some of the men in town stare at you. Joel wants to make it known that you’re already spoken for. Only, you’re not spoken for, not really. 

You’re his, but you’re not really his. It’s not that he doesn’t want to take the leap and acknowledge the two of you are far more than just patrol partners, far more than just two people who fought like fucking hell to get some smart assed teenager—and the world’s only hope for a cure—across the country.

He feels undeserving of it. Of you and your heart.

Several seasons had come and gone since you’d both arrived in Jackson with Ellie in tow, and somehow, Joel still can’t fathom what you’re doing by his side. She’s out of the house now and there’s nothing tying you to him, so why are you still here?

He’s so much older. Closer and closer to being on his way out, while you still had your entire life left ahead of you. He’s worn down, hardened from the post outbreak world. And you, you hadn’t lost any of your softness, your sweetness. Not even after the things you’d been forced to do to survive because of him.

You could meet someone younger, someone closer to your own age. You could marry, even start a family. You could be with someone who could give you a good life, the life you deserve.

The life that he’s too fucking broken to give you.

“Joel?” Your voice breaks into his thoughts. “Hey. Are you okay?”

“Yeah. M’fine.” He gestures to the record player with a nod of his head. “Y’know, this song’s older than me. By a few years. Came out in the early sixties.”

Joel half expects you to make some wisecrack joke and tease him over his age like you have done in the past—especially when the kid would get you going. Instead, he watches you set what’s left of your sandwich down and brush the crumbs from your hands before holding one of them out to him.

Confused, he stares at it for a moment before his dark eyes meet yours. “What are you doin’?”

“Dance with me,” you say, smiling at him.

“You’re fuckin’ kiddin’ me, right?” When he realizes you’re being serious, he shakes his head. “Y’know I don’t—I can’t dance.”

Dropping your hand back down to your side, you turn around and flip the record, starting the song over again before whirling back around and taking Joel’s hands in yours.

“Just follow my lead,” you tell him as you place them on your waist. Your own hands settle themselves on his broad shoulders, his skin warm beneath your fingertips. “Don’t overthink it.”

“You’re fuckin’ ridiculous,” Joel grumbles underneath his breath, however he finds himself moving along with you without further protest. Subconsciously, he pulls you closer against him as the two of you slowly sway from side to side along to the beat of the music. He chuckles, “Y’know we gotta be up at the asscrack of dawn for patrol, right?”

“And your point is?” You rest your head on his shoulder and exhale a soft, contended sigh.

Joel’s lips threaten to pull down once more.

Could it be that you’re actually content with him?

Head still on his shoulder, you sing along softly with Barbara Lewis. 

“I’m gonna stay right here by your side

do my best to keep you satisfied

nothing in this world can drive me away

‘cause every day you'll hear me say…”

It quickly becomes too much for him. Joel’s hands leave your waist. Taking your wrists, he tugs your arms from around his neck and gently pushes you away from him. “Why?” he finally asks the question that’s been hanging off the tip of his tongue for the better part of the last three years. “Why me?”

You stare at him, puzzled. “What?”

“Why me?” he repeats himself. “Why me when you can have anyone else—”

Your reply is prompt and you say it so simply.

“Because I don’t want anyone else.”

“You deserve better.”

You peer at him curiously. “I deserve better?”

“You do. Ain’t got no business being with someone like me. After all the terrible shit I’ve done—”

“I did the same exact shit, Joel. Sometimes I did even fucking worse.” Somehow, softness laces your tone. You have never been angry with him and you weren’t about to start now. “What makes my hands any cleaner than yours?”

Joel begins to sputter. “M’older than you. Much older. Should’a been a lot more careful. Should’a done more so you didn’t have to do those things.”

His hands still curled around your wrists, you reach up and gingerly cradle the sides of his face. He winces, but then quickly melts into your touch, the very same touch that could heal his wounds, if only he would allow it.

“I made my own choices,” you remind him, quietly. Neither of you realize the music has stopped. “Quit acting like blood doesn’t stain my hands too because it does.”

His lips press into a tight line. “Blood stains your hands ‘cause of me. S’my fault. I was responsible for you. I was s’pposed to take care of you. I didn’t protect you the way I should’ve.”

You sigh.

“When are you going to stop blaming yourself, Joel?”

The muscle in his jaw ticks as it clenches. He averts his gaze, his eyes falling to the floor. He doesn’t answer.

You stroke the scruff of his beard lightly with your thumbs. “When are you going to stop thinking you’re not good enough for me? What’s it going to take for me to prove to you that you are all I could ever need and want?”

“You’re just wastin’ your fuckin’ life on me, darlin’. S’the truth and you fuckin’ know it as well as I do.”

Pulling your wrists out of his hands, you pivot on your heel and suck in a sharp breath, stubbornly blinking back the tears stinging your eyes. You’re frustrated.

It cuts you to your very core to know the man you’ve grown to love more than anything and anyone else on what’s left of this fucking planet can’t see that he’s enough. He’s more than enough.

Joel bites back his own frustrated sigh. He knows he can’t rely on you to tell him, rely on the reassurance—he needs to do his part and believe it. If he keeps trying to push you away, he just may very well succeed one day. He will lose you.

After a moment, he walks up behind you and wraps his arms around you, his lips lightly brushing your neck. “M’sorry,” he mumbles, his own voice thickening as a lump forms in the back of his throat. He’s quick to swallow it down. “Jus’ have a hard time believin’ you’re mine. S’almost like my mind is lookin’ to prove me wrong.”

“But I am yours, Joel. I’m yours, I’m fucking yours.”

It’s more than just reassurance. It’s an oath, one you’ll honor for the rest of your life.

He holds you tighter. “Yeah?” He nips at the delicate spot right below your ear, his teeth scraping along tender flesh. “S’that right, baby? You’re all mine?”

“All yours,” you confirm breathlessly as his hands slowly begin trailing down the length of your sides, his fingers skimming the hem of his t-shirt.

Joel swiftly turns you around in his arms and slips his hand between your thighs. The next thing you know, he has you backed up against the counter and he’s shoving his sweatpants down, freeing his hard, thick cock. With one of your legs hooked around his waist, he buries himself into the warmth of your cunt and begins to deliver smooth, languid strokes.

“Say it again, baby,” he rasps into your neck. He coaxes your other leg up and around his waist and his large hands curl securely underneath your thighs as he bucks up into you. He’d deal with the back pain later. He pants, “Need—need to hear you say it, my sweet girl.”

You hold onto the countertop behind you as he fucks you, your fingernails digging into the laminated wood. “Fuck, I’m yours,” you moan into his shoulder. “I’m all yours, Joel. Oh fuck—”

You say it over and over again and he believes it.

He finally fucking believes it.

Sweet nothings fall from his lips with each thrust.

“S’lucky you’re all fuckin’ mine.”

“My beautiful, beautiful girl.”

“Gonna keep you for the rest of my fuckin’ life.”

When he spills into you, there’s no regret on his part nor yours. You’d always wanted to feel him come inside of you—secretly, so did he. Joel’s deep, guttural groans bounce off of the kitchen walls as your pussy fills with him, with all of him, taking as much as it can before he begins leaking out of you and down the insides of your thighs.

“Jesus,” he exhales. He dips his head for a kiss. “You’re all messy now, baby,” he mumbles against your lips. “How’s about we go upstairs and get back into bed so I can clean you up?”

Giggling, you mimic him and remind him of what he’d said earlier. “Y’know we gotta be up at the asscrack of dawn for patrol, right?”

Joel grins. “And your point is?”

You laugh again as he leads you out of the kitchen and back up to his bedroom—to yours and his bedroom.

[chryblossomjjk]

distractions | jjk

⇢ PAIRING: fuckboy!jk x inexperienced reader

⇢ RATING: m/18+

⇢ WC: 1.1k

⇢ WARNINGS: cute couple content, they drop the 'l' word guys, n*pple piercings n sucking bc u know... fixation lmao, v suggestive but no actual sm*t, finger sucking lol, the love is requited :')

⇢ SUMMARY: jungkook agreed to let you do his makeup, but he can't stop getting distracted.

⇢ NOTES: ugh i missed them dearly!! will be putting out more drabbles soon, but i'm currently trying to focus on my other wip!! i haven't posted anything in so long so i wanted to share this with you guys! school n work is hectic i already feel swamped pls be patient with me :') i miss having time for a hobby lmao!! anyways, i hope you enjoy and let me know ur thoughts! love u <3 also apologize if there's any typos or weirdness, this wasn't beta'd!! if you haven't read practice yet, pls read before this!!

⇢ SERIES MASTERLIST

“Kook, look up! How many times do I have to tell you?” 

Four months into the relationship and his attention span, or lack thereof, never ceased to amaze you. With a frustrated groan, you place the pointy end of your Sailor Moon brush between your teeth before gripping his chin and turning his wandering gaze back to you. 

“Bambi, I’m looking up!” He yell-laughs, doe-eyes wide and sarcastic as they bear into you, equally frustrated. You can already see the concealer you applied just a few minutes ago creasing. Dramatically, he karate chops his tattooed arm towards the ceiling, paralleling your scantily clad frame straddling him. The sudden jump has you shifting against his crotch deliciously. Now’s not the time for fooling around, though. You’re determined to put the cute brush set Jungkook randomly gifted you a few weeks back to good use, starting with giving your sweet boyfriend a full beat. “This is up! What other direction is up?”

What an asshole. 

You pop the pink plastic out of your mouth, taking an annoyed chomp out of his annoying fingers. It's playful, of course. You mean, you’ve just got done with a whitening strip, after all…

Jungkook takes the opportunity to shove his digits further past your glossy lips, reaching down just enough to feel your throat constrict, then pulling back. He stares up at you with the cheesiest fucking grin, clearly pleased with himself.

“You’re mean,” you cough, wiping the drool at the corners of your mouth with the back of your hand.

“No you,” he counters, pinching your cheek patronizingly. “I love you, though.”

One month into the lovey-dovey phase of the relationship; that one where the initial butterflies fly away and you’re left feeling like ‘wow, maybe this is a forever sort of thing,’ and you still feel lightheaded every time Jungkook murmurs those three words.

“I love you, too,” you coo, reaching down to adjust his teddy-bear headband. Jungkook’s been growing his hair out. This was his last semester and he was determined to go out with a bang. For whatever reason, he had decided that bang was a mullet. You remember how confused you were when he showed up at your dorm at 3am, drunk off Fireball and excitement, asking you to cut his hair. You thought the request was outlandish and foolish, but you did it anyway, in your bathroom with eyebrow scissors. It came out a teeny bit crooked, and a tiny bit choppy, but Jungkook loved it, staring at his reflection with a big bunny smile and starry eyes. “But baby, this-” you tap on the headboard behind him, “-is up.”

He squints his eyes in defiance before complying. Ah, you’ve trained him well. A very good boy, indeed.

You’ve spoken, or thought, too soon, because after a few swipes of the plush bristles, a high-pitched ‘Appa!’ from your phone, leaning against your Kuromi makeup bag on the nightstand beside you, draws his dark pupils back to the cartoon. 

“That’s it,” you huff like an overwhelmed mother of three, yanking the device out of his sight. “Say goodbye to Aang. You’ve lost your Avatar: The Last Airbender privileges.” 

“C’mon, seriously?” He laughs while lunging forward, attempting to wrestle the phone out of your grasp. Giggling wildly, you toss it on the pink shag rug below you, out of his reach. The movement almost sends you toppling over. Luckily, Jungkook wraps an arm around your waist to keep you steady. “Bambi, you know I’m easily distracted.”

“But you said I could do your makeup,” you pout, batting your lashes at him.

“I know, I-”

“Don’t touch!” You shriek, preventing him from rubbing his eye.

“Sorry, sorry,” he apologizes through a chuckle, holding his hands by his head in defense. “Maybe I…” You deadpan him as his eyes scan around the room before, not so subtly, landing on your chest. Cocking his head, he tuts his tongue and grips the hem of your shirt. Shamelessly, he stuffs the nearly transparent material into your mouth, exposing your bare breasts. “There, just like that,” he whispers, warm palms grazing up your torso to cup them, thumbs grazing over your little diamond heart jewelry. You gasp at the touch. “You know, I still can’t believe you actually got ‘em’.” Neither could you, honestly, but if there was one thing Jungkook has taught you, it’s that sometimes, you need to step out of your comfort zone. Take risks. Especially when it results in the cutest little nipple piercings. “So fucking sexy…”

You feel his forming bulge poking against you. God, do you want him. But even Jungkook’s dick couldn’t derail you from the mission at hand. Raising an eyebrow, you lift up the makeup brush.

The tits really seem to keep him preoccupied. With a hand on his cheek, you feel his mouth hollowing, sucking your nipple gingerly as you lean over him and fill in his thick brows. Obviously, it’s a bit hard to focus. Every now and then, you have to tug his hair to redirect his nibbles back down to soft licks. 

“Okay,” you announce, letting the shirt fall from your candy-coated lips and sitting up, “what color?”

Out of the entire thirty-pan rainbow eyeshadow palette you’re holding up for him, he lazily points to the darkest shade in the top color. His favorite color, of course; black. You should’ve known. Your lips scrunch to the side in contemplation. Jungkook would look so yummy with a smokey eye.

So you blend and blend away with blacks, whites, and grays. Shockingly, your boyfriend manages to stay still throughout the entire process. You’re proud of him, really. He’ll definitely get rewarded afterward. And you were right, the final product is absolutely delectable. 

“Baby, your eyelashes are stunning!” You swoon. “And the smokey-eye looks so so so good with your eye shape.”

Silence.

“Jungkook?” You lean forward, gripping his shoulders and shaking softly. Nothing but the sound of faint snores reaches your ears. The little fuck fell asleep. No wonder why he’s been so good. You laugh in disbelief, picking your phone off the floor and snapping a few pictures to show him in the morning. Reaching into your drawer, you take out a couple makeup wipes and start cleaning him up. You loathe makeup wipes and only keep them for emergencies, but Jungkook looks so peaceful that you can’t bring yourself to wake him.

Next, you snuggle beside him with a spare blanket, unable to yank your comforter out from under his thick, muscular thighs. He stirs when you gently pull off his headband. “I love you…” he mumbles, still half asleep. It’s as if the emotion is so ingrained in his subconscious that they bubble to the surface, even when he’s sleepy and incoherent. 

And you feel the same exact way. 

“I love you, Jungkook. Goodnight.”

© chryblossomjjk 2023 [do not copy, translate or repost]

[kaelidascope]

Fandom and LGBTQ Hostility and My Experiences Trying to Exist in Both Spaces Online

I came into these spaces with a very strict rule that I would not react or do anything cancel-worthy out of an overabundance of caution. Digital footprints are dangerous. The things you say online will follow you around forever. I know that first hand. I’ve bottled up and stayed silent about a lot of things I’ve either witnessed first-hand or experienced because I was trying to maintain a clean online persona. I’m not an ‘airing out dirty laundry’ type person. 

In light of recent events however, it’s gotten so bad that I can no longer sit here and not say something about how I feel. I’m disappointed and frustrated with the experiences I’ve had both in fandom and LGBTQ+ spaces and I can’t be complacent. I’m tired of getting treated like this, I’m fed up and I’m not going to put up with it anymore. I feel it’s important I voice what I’ve been watching and what’s happened and how I’m not going to tolerate it anymore by calling it out first hand. 

This is a two-topic rant. They overlap in some instances, but it directly has to do with how fandoms behave in general towards each other on Twitter and Tumblr, and also how absolutely hostile LGBTQ+ individuals are nowadays to each other on the same platforms. 

I come from a different generation and a different social media platform. I wasn’t on Twitter and Tumblr until last year. I’m not dismissing the fact that I may have missed out on decades worth of culture and social expectation. The places where I come from aren’t exactly fantastic either, but at least here, more queer people are interacting with each other with shared interests much more widely than in places like DeviantArt. The amount of culture and information I’ve absorbed in one year is more than I ever had within the past twenty years. It should be a good thing, and I’m disappointed that it wasn’t. 

This is not the way I wanted to come out online to anyone. I’ve been figuring out where I sit on the gender and sexuality spectrum for a while now. I will not document a specific timeline for anyone because that’s nobody’s business but my own. Within the last year, I took a massive stride forward in exploring things I legally didn’t think I was allowed to. I expected backlash from cishets and the usual thing I see LGBTQ+ folks write essays over, about how the world hates us, but at least we have each other. Shockingly, the backlash didn’t come from straight people. It came from other queers. 

I am 27 years old and I am entirely self-sufficient. I’m mixed Puerto Rican living in a red state. English wasn’t even my first language. I don’t have a network, so I’m teaching myself these things. I'm asking questions. I'm reading materials and expressions of self-experience and self-identity through fanworks and other autobiographical content. I'm actively trying to seek community and support through transgender and non-binary individuals with shared interests and so far all I've been met with is hostility and assumptions. So much so that I've now been made to feel like I'm on a timeline to figure it out so I can have a well-practiced, short introduction to copy and paste to every person who comes across me. And the only reason I even need one is so that they can make the decision to pass judgement over whether or not I'm allowed to speak, write, draw, wear, act, breathe the things I do. I'm disappointed. I'm anxious. I honestly feel more shoved into the closet now than I ever did before and I shouldn't be. Nobody should be treated this way when trying to figure out who they are. I probably won't even get an apology for the things that were said to me, either. I pride myself on the extraordinary caution I take to be politically correct, vetted through reputable sources, and as close to authentic as possible. And yet somehow I’m still getting called things like terf, transmisogynistic, triggering, when I’m fucking trans myself and all of my content gets vetted/REQUESTED by trans individuals. I get promised up and down that people are kind and welcoming in these sorts of spaces and honey, they aren’t. The people you choose to be friends with aren't as inclusive and friendly as you think they are. You don’t even know me and what body parts I have. The fact that you need to know in order to decide whether or not to treat me with respect is telling of an internal issue that has nothing to do with me. 

I have no reference point. I live in a place where laws ban anything gender and trans. I have no local resources or community. I've barely met any LGBTQ people in person. If I have, they never came out publicly. Most of my queer exposure has been online, and the fact that I've seen nothing but angry, mean, exclusive and discriminating behavior without any sort of reasoning why other than selfish defensiveness, I don't know where else I'm supposed to go for support. Something a lot of you guys need to take into retrospect is anyone who identifies as LGBTQ gets shot where I live. We have sundown towns here. If you don’t even know what that is, good, but also that’s telling of your privilege that you need to consider when talking to others not from blue states. I didn’t grow up in an environment where we had these highly liberal culture points and the word ‘gay’ was never allowed to be said out loud. We did not have gay clubs in school. I'm about as fucking late to this as you possibly can get. The only reason I know anything about our history, representation, and barely anything about what's socially acceptable and what's not, is because of the internet. So many of you had the privilege of being exposed to this information as young as under the age of 10. I didn’t. Sue me for not immediately knowing what every gender label means right off the bat. Half that stuff isn’t even legal here. 

I can't believe it's boiled down to the fact that I have to somehow justify my existence on this Earth and give an explanation that fits into predetermined boxes just to do anything to engage with other people. I have no time or space to figure it out. I’m disorganized and overwhelmed because I can’t ask questions about ‘can butches do this?’ ‘How versatile is transmasc/transfem?’ ‘Am I more genderqueer or do I fit under the trans umbrella?’ Gender and identity is fluid and ever changing. I have actually seen people harp and attack individuals for "defaulting" or "detransitioning" when they change their mind after giving this big coming out speech. It’s like support on these platforms is entirely conditional and a one-time thing. Y'all really expect people to wear the first style of shirt they buy for the rest of their life? Are we not allowed to do anything unless we know for sure? How’s college working out for you, for those who believe this mindset?

The vocally aggressive ones who use big words that contradict their statements can do, say, and be whatever they want.  But people like me can't. The ones who have to straight pass in public to keep their jobs and maintain their life safely. Some of us have been on our own since 19 with no family support. Consider the environment someone lives in before assigning your harsh assumptions. I can’t just change myself on a whim without doing significant damage control. Half the jobs I work for don’t even allow unnatural hair colors. If we list our pronouns as anything other than our assigned sex at birth, it causes legality issues with taxes. The way I have to navigate how to explore my identity and also keep a roof over my head and my bills paid may seem highly conservative to most. It’s in no way shape or form meant to reflect disrespect on how others live and express themselves. I am doing the best with the environment I have. The way I do things is not meant to be read as a message of ‘you’re doing it wrong because you’re not doing it the way I do.’ None of us are wrong. That should not be the subliminal message here. 

You know someone actually challenged me on that? Saying I was being harmful for purposefully straight presenting in public? Please research your country and state specific laws before you say that to me. If I could afford to live somewhere safer and queer-friendly, this conversation would be different. I am working on getting the fuck out of this state. But I don’t have a partner or parents money to default on. I’m doing this by myself. It’s not impossible, just a slow process. 

I'm disappointed and fed up. I've reached my limit, and I don't really care anymore if someone uses this essay to try and cancel me 5 or 10 years from now when the world goes through another gender renaissance of terms and identities. I will not put up with being treated like this when you refuse to listen to anyone else other than the sound of your own voice. I’m trying my best to learn, adapt, and express myself. I do not need to be lectured or be called derogatory things just because you think I’m coming from a malicious place.  

It’s not just about the hostility and gate-keeping behavior exhibited in online queer spaces. The same exact thing happens in fandom spaces too. People get pissy about queer headcanons and presentations so much to the point of taking it upon themselves to police the fandom and scrub it clean of “impurities.” I’ve watched y’all go through people's social media pages for any type of ammunition for justification of a personal grievance. It shocks me how much hyperfixation gets put on specific and morally harmless things when there are people out there writing diabolical shit way worse than what I have to offer. And y’all happily support them too but bark at me about what I make cus that author fits your social criteria and you assumed I didn’t. Don't think I'm ignorant to every single scrap of hate mail and harassment I've gotten over the past year and a half in my inboxes. Including the passive aggressive posts about my work, vague tweets, and discussions about me in discord servers. Over what? Have you actually read my work? If it’s actually as problematic as you say it is, provide me with a modern and unbiased example why this particular scene and execution is harmful. And not because you got triggered or disliked the kink, or read the summary/tags and assumed it was something it’s not. I don’t know how much more caution tape, massive warnings, obvious clear-cut tags (that were provided to me by queer individuals to PUT on there in the first place) out of insane amounts of caution I can do. I have always been willing to provide spoilers and explicit details in case someone is unsure how they’ll be affected by something I make. If you already don’t like it based on my warnings, that’s always been more than okay! My work is not for everyone. I’m getting tired of politely and respectfully saying please move on, because the message seems to be getting lost in translation. So let me be clear; 

Get off my pages if you don’t like what I make. It’s not for you. It will never be for you. Dead dove. DO NOT EAT. PREFERRED DEMOGRAPHIC 25+ ADULT CONTENT RATED E FOR EXPLICIT. I can recommend so many other fantastic creators with better suited content for you! If I could hide my content behind a roped off section deliberately keeping you from seeing it, I would. BLOCK ME. 

If your response to this section is ‘well then just don’t write it’. Honey, there’s people out here in the RWBY fandom writing trans incest actively commenting on all your shit and you respond back. A magic grimm-goo strap and monster smut featuring a transfem character (again, requested by literally 3 trans people and WRITTEN by one) should be the least of your worries. 

I have actively chosen not to address the harassment and hate mail, because it's sad that half of you hate me so much you need to make a point of telling me so regularly. I sincerely hope moving on with your lives will grant you peace of mind. Truly.

This is why I barely interact with anyone. Nothing but hostility, harassment, and expectation to behave in ways I cannot emotionally commit to. I am exhausted, uninspired, and have such a bad taste in my mouth it's proving extremely difficult to want to do anything creative. It’s been worse with my recent exploration of my gender identity. Opening one door to write about certain things somehow, miraculously, closes ones I previously existed in. I’m practically getting kicked out if I’m not 100% one way or another. I don’t go out of my way to shove my content down your throats. Why you feel the need to come to me and tell me you dislike my existence because you read it, despite me stating this is not for everyone and probably not for you, doesn’t have anything to do with me. Idk what else I can do. Disappear off the face of the planet, I guess. That seems to be what the overall solution is when y’all find something you don’t like. I can't believe I witnessed grown adults in their mid twenties with self-proclaimed senses of rightness start a trend on Twitter to go through people's mutuals and their likes to see if they’re socially acceptable in Fandom spaces or not. That was fucking ridiculous. And especially not fair to those who had their private accounts leaked and put on blast when it was already behind an vetted follower wall. Believe it or not, people draw weird, lewd, diabolical shit. They’re actually being responsible by putting it behind a paywall, or some type of ‘proof of age before following’ requirement. It falls on the people who go on there, take screenshots, and post them publicly for minors and non-consenting individuals to see without filters what was previously hidden. It’s irresponsible and immature. 

For fear of getting canceled by the Fandom, I moved all 600+ accounts I was following onto a private alt. I don't interact with my main anymore. I went so far into hiding and didn’t dare share anything about liking content made by people I wasn’t allowed to like, because that’s how cruel it is out here. It's honestly stupid I even felt like I had to do that. For what? People glazed over the brief moment of drama within a few weeks and went right back to posting the same shit they always have. They find new things to gossip about on their privs. New enemies to cancel on Twitter. New things to deem problematic and attack. 

I will be heard with this letter. I don’t care to be associated with anyone who treats people like this. I don’t believe in it, I won’t support it, and I’d rather have a small circle of people who won’t be rude or attack other people for existing. I’m not going to sit here and take the abuse any longer. Leave me in peace. There is no reason any of this should be happening. 

This is not meant to undermine the support I have gotten from the few who know what I'm going through and have given me the space to figure it out. I appreciate every question answered and insight provided as much as your abilities allow. I'm so grateful for it. I just wish it wasn't 2 people while everyone else is an asshole.

[anonymouspuzzler]

What kind of wardrobe styles does everyone have?

given the context of the other anons that came in around this I'm gonna make an educated guess and assume "everyone" refers to the habit/bora/mollar trio. in which case: I think Kamal dresses like every Normie Looking Dude In A 90s Sitcom (with very occasional rare exceptions like this dope suit I drew him in a while back). I think Habit still dresses like the 60s/70s never ended (strongly believe he has all three of the outfits in this image I found online). I think if Putunia had her way she would be wearing a full set of sentai armor 24/7 but as it stands the standards for the clothes she is provided are "comfy and practical for her to run around in without destroying them/getting them caught in something and thus hurting herself" and "easily washable for whenever she is inevitably covered in dirt/paint/cooking ingredients/et cetera".

here are some doodles I did while thinking about this also

[Image 1 ID: A black-and-white digital drawing of Kamal wearing an extremely 90s baggy-sleeved, v-neck shirt, an open vest, and baggy jeans. He is sticking his tongue off and looking off to the side. End ID.]

[Image 2 ID: A black-and-white digital drawing of Putunia wearing a t-shirt with a scalloped collar, shorts, black tights, and boxing gloves. She is standing confidently with her hands on her hips, smiling and sticking her tongue out. End ID.]

[Image 3 ID: A black-and-white digital drawing of Habit. He is wearing a low-cut, 60s style shirt with an abstract floral pattern. He has curly chest hair and top surgery scars visible. He is also wearing a necklace that resembles a Tooth Lily. He is glancing off to the side with a cat smile and his tongue sticking out. End ID.]

[beetleviolet]

As an artist and/or writer, what is one thing you think you do well? What is one thing you would like to improve on?

Omg hello hello! Its always so cool to get an ask from you, especially after seeing this ask floating around from my favorite creators its just like ahhhh/pos, I feel v honored :) /gen

For stuff I do well... I feel like I'm good at writing thoughts? I'm good at writing a train of one subject to another in a way that feels natural, or writing a large collections of memories that kinda blur together. I've also been working a lot on metaphors, following the "show not tell" rule is the trick for me. (Honestly, a lot of this came from reading rottmnt fics by remrose. Over and over. On repeat. The style really inspired me and kind of engraved itself into my brain. I like to think I write kind of like that.

One thing I want to improve on is probably doing long term projects, I write almost exclusively one shots and am trying to try longer stuff. I also want to work on writing fight scenes. I hate writing fight scenes, I spend most of my time writing vibe-y angst XD

For drawing, I like my style, particularly how I draw eyes, I think its cute :]

I've been trying out digital art lately, and I want to get better at that. I also need to work on poses, and not just drawing repeated bust shots lmao. I really admire people who can draw super zany and energetic poses, I'll have to keep practicing.

Again, thank you so much for the ask! Have a great day!

[marshmallowprotection]

Hi! I see that since you mentioned match ups are open people have eagerly hopped in. I honestly don't blame them since you're so good at it. It's really fun reading everyone's match ups so I wanted to give it a go too! I wanted to avoid mentioning or comparing characters to avoid influencing the results but like simplifying a person's personality is hard so I'm just gonna roll with it, lol.

In terms of personality, I'm an introvert but that doesn't mean I'm shy. I can be (I have, like, 3 different anxiety diagnosis) but usually I'm generally low energy and relaxed. Very deadpan. So much so much so that people tend to laugh even when I'm being serious. I'm a Taurus and I find the description very much fitting. I take pride in being pragmatic, grounded, down to earth. I like taking care of people in a more realistic way (and just in general). In spite of seeming calm or blunt I'm actually really sensitive and emotional (although I'll never show others my vulnerability). I always try to consider the other person's feelings which is why I'm often called kind and considerate. A good listener. I'm quiet so that comes with the territory lol. I generally don't like to talk about myself and will only say something if asked/spoken to first. In simple terms I'd say I'm a weird mix of Jumin(practical, decisive, analytical) and V(emotional, sentimental, self sacrificing). I always end up getting the most hearts from them when I respond honestly especially Jumin haha. One last thing for me is that along with my millions of anxiety disorders(including paranoia so I heavily relate to Rika and Saeyoung) I also have ADHD(I guess *also* like Saeyoung lolol). As I'm sure you can tell by now I don't have the one that makes me bounce off the wall. I believe the one I have is called inattentive and it makes me a total space cadet. But I was very imaginative and creative so I think it was good trade off? I'm pretty sure my mom thought child me was a plant because I was so quiet and still. Never cried that much and was an "easy" child except when she had to coax me to do things. Then I was stubborn lolol. Definitely a Taurus haha.

For work and study, ever since I could hold a crayon I've been drawing and art has always been my focus. In public school I'd pick the all the art classes and I'd even take outside classes during summers off and when I grew out of that I'd do self study with books and online tutorials. I do illustration and graphic design and my major in college was visual communication design (which is a wordier way to say graphic design). I got my associates but sadly had to drop while doing my bachelor's (would love to get a master's and study art forever but it's just a dream for now). Currently, I work as a bakery clerk part time until I can get a better job but I like it. I like seeing people's faces light up saying "SO PRETTYYY~" when they see our cakes. I do a little bit of everything so bread bagging, baking, set up, orders, cake decorating. It's very well rounded job where I'm breaking a sweat and feel like I'm earning my dollar while also having creative input. I like giving the customers advice for their get togethers and parties. It's nice. I'd like to one day have my own brand and put myself out there as an artist but for now this is fine enough.

When it comes to hobbies I feel like it's on the nose cause I like to be creative and have my hands moving. The obvious is drawing (both digitally and traditionally. Love using soft chalk pastels) and baking but I also like more crafty hobbies like crocheting and scrapbooking. I'm a big stationary nerd and I love collecting paper, notebooks, stickers/washi taped, pens/pencils, ect. Been into watching bookbinding vids. I also have the more typical hobby of listening to music, reading (big book nerd put me in a book store I'll leave with a tall stack), big gamer nerd.

Some other miscellaneous info about me is my favorite color is green 💚. I generally like deep earthy, natural colors but I also like gentle pastels like pink and lavender. I'm a big dog person and I dislike cats. I'm actually afraid of them and they cause me a lot of anxiety. I would never cause trouble for them and I hope they are homed to people that genuinely adore them. I just don't jive with them. I can and have taken care of them in a pinch. I wouldn't let my personal stuff cause them harm. I definitely understand and relate to dogs more. I want to grow old with a bunch of pups to take care of lol. I don't want kids so cute puppers will do. I have hazel eyes and rusty red hair. When I was younger my hair was much brighter yellow orange compared to Saeyoung but as I got older it turned into a deeper, darker rust red. I also have freckles all over. My favorite shape is stars! I love astrology and magic and whimsy (again such a contrast from how I present lolol ⭐)

Im more prone to forgiving and moving on and I found Saeran's AE really relatable. It brought up a lot of topics that were really important to me that I feel a lot of people overlook in stories about healing from abusive parents. I really can't hold onto my anger for very long and generally prefer to look at people for what they are and either work with them or move on. I don't like letting others take my time and energy which is why I'm "nice", or at least normal, to even people i don't like. I feel like being petty and angry all the time is draining. It's just my style of healing. On the contrary I find anger and yelling very triggering for me even from friends who I know won't hurt me or are speaking on my behalf. The antagonististic energy is just very uncomfortable. I prefer a gentle touch I can trust. Everyone is capable of getting angry, it's healthy and normal, but I prefer someone who's first instinct isn't to jump to anger but understanding. Makes me feel safe.

That's about everything I can think of. I don't normally think about myself so it's hard to write haha. Hopefully that all made sense. Thanks for taking the time if you see this. 😊

I match you with...

Jihyun!

Hear me out, I know this might sound odd, but you seem to fall into the same realm as his heart.

Don't take this to mean that you're self-destructive, it's actually that you're passionate and that this passion is what inspires you to be who you are. Even though it may not be a lucrative career to survive as an artist, you find a way to make it work, and in doing so, you don't sacrifice what helps you feel like you have artistic liberty. Not a lot of people have that opportunity, and it would be interesting to be close to Jihyun, wouldn’t it? He didn't give up on his dream of painting, he simply found something else to fill the void in his chest because his father made him believe he would never be able to make it. 

Seeing you be your most authentic self is a challenge to everything he's ever told himself. You're the kind of person who challenges him, because while you are similar, you are inherently different, as well. It's not a bad thing, it's something he welcomes, and he can't help but want more. 

He's not the kind of person who's going to jump to anger when something goes wrong. You don't have to be afraid of being in a conversation with him, especially not with the two of you are upset, because he has a level enough head to know that you need to take some time to breathe, and do whatever you need to do before you come back to the conversation. Nothing ever feels like it's going to explode when you're with him. It feels like you can overcome any challenge that comes your way. 

[duhragonball]

2024

I'm not very good about making/keeping/remembering New Year's resolutions, so I should probably get some things jotted down before I look up and it's September again.

Finish Final Fantasy V, VI, and VII. I started FF5 in December and got about halfway in, but I planned to have it done by now and I don't, so that needs to get ironed out. VI is next, and I wanted to do it in January, but one thing at a time. VIII and IX would be nice this year, but I have to be realistic. These games are long and I need to block out a lot of time for them.

Finish Mega Man X8. I wanted to play all the classic Mega Man games and that meant going through the X series, which I have not enjoyed much at all, but this is the last one. I might have knocked it out sooner, but X7 drained my will to live. I should give this priority, since it shouldn't take long to do if I use Rookie Mode like I did for the rest of MMXC2.

Read a bunch of my comic book collection. I managed to get the last of my paper comics replaced with digital copies, but now I need to organize them. I'm not going to read all the unread stuff in a single year, but I have plans to take care of a lot of loose, one-off things, which should make the rest of the list easier to manage.

Liveblogs of Neon Genesis Evangelion, Jojolion, and Chainsaw Man for this year. This one actually relates to this tumblr blog. I want to tackle some medium-sized projects for this thing, and the liveblogs I did of Hellsing and Battle Tendency in 2021 were pretty well-sized. NGE's one of those bucket-list anime series form, and I always felt like I should give Jojo Part 8 a more thorough read now that it's finished. And Chainsaw Man seems like something up my alley. I expect each one to take me about a month apiece, so we'll see if I can get all of them done as planned. Full disclosure, it'll be sometime in the spring before I get started, so don't hold your breath waiting for me.

Update Luffa to Chapter 225. This shouldn't take that long, since nearly all of this material is stuff I already wrote in November, but it needs editing, and... I find myself still thinking about this part of the story as though I hadn't already written it. So I have a feeling the editing process is going to involve a lot of rewriting or at least time spent agonizing over whether this is as good as it can possibly be. It's kind of important, and I want it to be just right, but it also needs to be done, too, so.... yeah.

Get Gud at Art. This is more nebulous than it should be, but the basic idea is that I need to spend more time just practicing and learning how to draw. I'm not knocking my current skill level, but there's a lot stuff I'd like to be able to do that I simply don't know how to do. I need to devote some time to that, and I scheduled an OC-tober thing for myself to do, sort of like the one I did in 2021. I'm not looking for any dramatic gains, but I would like to be able to look back on this year and see that I turned a corner.

Tellurium. I used to write a series on the discoveries of the chemical elements on my main blog. I pretty much stopped in 2016 because tellurium was the next one and it seemed too difficult to research, and, well... this blog kind of took over a lot of my free time. I'd like to see if I can get back into the swing of things over there. Maybe do more than just Te, but one step at a time.

Bake a cake. My mom set me home from Christmas with leftover cake, and the pan she baked it in. I should bake my own before I give it back to her. Just for the sake of it.

[iwaasfairy]

Fae fae when did you learn to draw digital? Like do you have any tips I’ve been practicing but honestly it’s so hard haha

I remember sometime early 2021 I think you did a lot of haikyuu art and it was amazingggg wow

-🪐 anon

fAE FAE pLS dgusgfus I LOVE THAT??? heLP but uhmm honestly i think the main reason why my art looks better now is because i've been practicing my basics a lot? and like, its a constant battle to get better and hate your old art yk,, but i'm glad i did it and i can't wait to see how much i'll improve in the future! BUT! as for practicing tips, i would recommend splitting up exactly what you want to tackle first.

digital drawing is a very different skill than sketching. coloring is a very different skill. backgrounds are a skill in itself. drawing bodies,, etc etc etc,, and it was really frustrating to draw sometimes bc it feels like they all go hand in hand? but splitting them up and practicing solely on that- can really help make it feel more doable yk

also drawing on paper is v helpful to me personally. get urself a practice sketchbook, even tho they are two separate skills they kinda are tied together. if you improve one it will also show in the other

and yEA i did do some art in 2021 that i was really proud of. but i do gotta say looking back, those arts took me like 72 hours and so much references that it always felt extremely overwhelming and scary to draw. i like them a lot still, but i dont remember finding it very fun to draw back in 2021

and sometimes it's embarrassing for me to look back at old art and not shudder in shame, but the fact is,, that i was happy with my drawings back when i made them. he reason i'm not happy with them anymore is bc i've practiced, and become better, yk? for fuck sake, atsuko used to look like this (left) and now he looks like that (right)

be a little kind to yourself. it's hard to admit that you can be good at and suck at something at the same time. your improvement will be directly linked to how often you can stomach to be bad at something tbh hahahah i stopped coloring the way i used to in 2021 because i loved doing it but i actually sucked at it. and im still in the middle of practicing coloring, and most of what i draw is ugly and i hate it,, but thats okay. i hopefully will find value in it once i start noticing some improvement

anyway sorry for the ramble the point is, find your weak points and target them. and then, practice. practice practice practice. dont believe these tiktok artists who say "oh i started drawing in 2021" and bust out the most amazing portraits in the history of ever. that isn't the reality for most people;

[lemon-sugarcoats-nothing]

14. 🍋 and 🐝

Question 14 of the artist asks (Im sorry ive been sitting on this one for so long aaa): How has your art changed over the years?

My art hasnt changed much honestly! i've gotten better at watercolor painting, and acrylic paints, and i'm getting the hang of digital too! - 🍋

🐝 - ...Oh boy, another long history lesson today, Strap in. To keep things a little easier on me to keep condensed, I'm only going over my traditional pony art and NOT digital art. (Im not sure how much of the digital art i could even recover anymore)

TL;DR I've gone through many phases in my art, both pony and otherwise. I started out drawing ponies in 3rd of 4th grade in a very cartoon style, then trying to copy the show style, then with anime eyes to varying success, and finally to where i am now.

Alright so long ass history lesson:

This is my earliest attempt at making my own ponysona; i was really into applejack and wanted my pony to be in the apple family! This oc didnt really go anywhere though, and i dont think i drew her again. This was also early on, before i started following tutorials for drawing ponies.

A bit later, after drawing ponies while following tutorials for a while, I started trying to draw them in my own style. At the time, I was mostly trying to draw in an anime style with my humanoid drawings, and so the big eyes transferred over. During this time, most of my drawings were in blue ballpoint pen on notebook paper or printer paper. I was drawing a lot during my (online) classes and I would fill out pages and pages like this.

While i wasnt using tutorials as often anymore, i still watched a LOT of pony drawing content. At some point, i discovered some videos that inspired me to expand how i drew even more, and i started adding more graphite and colored pencil into final drawings.

Videos in question:

-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSmSN3VtdD0

-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTyMx2H-nuI

A bit later, i also got into creepypasta drawings for mlp and some of the songs (specifically for rainbow factory), but i didnt ever read or listen to MLP creepypastas on their own until much much later. I did however, write my own two page creepypasta comic for pinkie that i never kept up. I think i intended to but after 24 hrs i forgot and dropped the project. Ironically, I tried to redraw it a few years ago as a humanoid comic, stretching it out into i think...10 pages? until my hand got tired and I never actually got to the creepypasta part of the original first comic page. (If you'd like to see, let me know! I still have them, but there would be too many images to post in this already really long post)

Oddly enough, i noticed that around this time i was also mostly drawing either creepypasta, psychotic ponies, or drawing ponies sad and crying. Just a weird little note.

I had a short phase where i drew ponies with more boxy muzzles too, but most notable here is that i finally remade a ponysona! I would keep this sona until I would stop engaging with MLP content and go through my "Ew, mlp weird" phase.

This was also from my time of boxy nosed ponies, and I think the first image was inspired off of a drawing that came up on a google search but i dont remember. I redrew it a while later, after practicing with colored pencils more. The redraw happened sometime during my "Ew mlp" phase.

And now we enter more current stuff. all these drawings are still old but are more in line with what i draw now, and were while i was starting to come out of my "Ew mlp" phase.

First image, you can see this is one of the first times I drew Lucious as a pony. At the time, in the main rp he's from he was still just straight up a demon. And in the second image is a sketch dump of the mlp characters, where i was jut getting more comfortable drawing them again. Still held onto those boxy noses though.

No style change here, but there was a time in my humanoid art where i would draw my and Mocha's characters as royalty. Then i went and drew them as ponies in those outfits! the first image you can see Cinna as an alicorn, and an early version of Lemon was just a unicorn. In the second image, was one of my first attempts to draw Jaysir! I guess its not too far off.

Last is just this pencil drawing of Lemon when their name was still Lemon Sugar-Moon! After this point, i think i took another break from drawing ponies until we come to current day where my style of drawing ponies has less boxy noses, and more pointy, less realistic and just a bit more fun for me personally :D

Who knows where my pony art will go next! Thank you for your ask and I'm sorry again that this has taken so long for me to finally just sit down and type out lol

[bloomingonionbitch]

Since we're sharing P!ATD stories...buckle up!

I'm originally from the Chicago suburbs (which is also an annoying personality trait) and I was 13 years old, heavily layering tank tops from Kohl's over v-neck shirts.

It's May 2008 and me and these two super cool older girls from Elmhurst (whom I met at Fine Arts Camp @ Saint Mary's College in South Bend, Indiana) went to Honda Civic Tour at the Congress Theatre in Chicago (RIP).

It was my first concert *ever* and I cannot believe how lucky I was to have it filmed. I got that hideous beige/brown Pretty.Odd sweatshirt (see attached for example) and wore it over everything because I believed I had hypohidrosis (spoiler: it was all the layered tank tops from Kohl's).

Motion City Soundtrack, Phantom Planet, and The Hush Sound were incredible openers and I have yet to have a more satisfying line up. BUT. It was at the concert that I had my first seizure! Rewind a second!

I grew up on Neopets and Flash Games and supported my friends who were really good at drawing Sonic the Hedgehog. I was on the computer *a lot.* So when the fingers in my left hand were going numb, it was dismissed as carpal tunnel - easy enough.

Now fast forward to me being such an amped up, cradle Catholic, Peggy Hill-footed teenager. I'm in ecstasy, feeling like the true Fueled By Ramen ™ teen that I knew I was inside. I'm sweaty, I'm scrunched against other people, I'm having an awakening!!!

But then my fingers go number and half of my face does too and I'm thinking it's adrenaline and hormones and Jon Walker - so I keep going. It eventually subsides, then happens again a few days later, and again, and again...for months.

Scooch ahead a little more - my mom advocates for an MRI and we get one, a then few weeks pass.

After going to ~LINCOLNSHIRE~ with my grandma and mom to see "Mama Mia" (on the day before I am set to start *THE* 8th grade), we get a call from my pediatrician that I need to go to the hospital ASAP. Turns out I have a "goober" in my brain and a "goober" is what you call a tumor when you're explaining it to a kid you helped bring into this world. Shout out to the emotional labor of doctors, for real.

I can do a "House"-style medical breakdown later and talk about my surgery/proton radiation, BUT I would much rather talk about all of my Make-A-Wish trip ideas, ripped straight outta 2008!!!

1. Visit the set of "Project Runway" and hang out with Tim Gunn.

2. A pink digital camera - literally, that was it. And you know the one I'm talking about. My Wish Granters were like....you can probably get that on your own sweetie...

3. Be on an episode of TAI TV (remember that!?) If you must know, I had big dumb crushes on Ryland and Sisky.

4. Meet Katy Perry??? (I don't know what we would have talked about or done together...I knew nothing about anything).

5. American Eage shopping spree (in retrospect, their clothes never really fit right and I only wanted to recreate the high of wearing a lace cami under a turquoise henley sweater with a pink skinny scarf at my first middle school dance - it was as much of a "Laguna Beach" moment as I could have).

- Meet Jon Walker - not all of Panic! just Jon. WILD!!!!! Imagine!!!

Dear reader...do you want to know what I chose?

A trip to Turks and Caicos! A place I had never heard of! I got my period for the first time and we could only find cardboard, "old-school" tampons and I was FREAKING OUT. I also got a wicked sunburn (Trileptal folks!) and got sick on an unlimited supply of Boursin whipped cheese spread. Two of my brothers are redheads who do not like the beach! They were so fussy! Turks and Caicos is a lot of beach!

Please please believe me, I am unbelievably thankful for my wish (and health and life and time) and the Granting team, but have any other Make-A-Wish kids spent time thinking about alllllll the other wish possibilities?

I'm not even talking about reflecting back and considering more "practical" (which is bananas to say considering the context), but just like how my interests have changed?

In high school (and probably now, too), I was kicking myself for not using my wish to meet Jason Segel? I still have a massive crush on him, but imagine them calling him up to meet a random kid who picked him as her Make-A-Wish? (This was pre "End of the Tour" and "Muppets" for him - it only was "How I Met Your Mother" and "Freaks and Geeks" for him).

I'm 15 years in remission and doing just fine! I haven't talked about (or processed) personal health stuff very much, so thanks for letting me take a moment from reblogging transparent Snoopy sticker scans and Nora Ephron film stills to reflect on the end of an era.

[beanie-babie-vents]

Hi, yall, welcome to my #druittblr account! You can call me Beanie or Star :3

I believe the idea of druittblr was started by @bigbadwolfbutch, so shout out to them!

Now about me :

I'm a 27 year old enby/nonbinary person who is typically very femme, but will sometimes dress or feel more masc or androgynous.

I love anime and manga, and comics and cartoons. I am an illustration major. I was on break from school since January as I had a very, very bad case of burn out. Lasted for like, three months, and I'm still trying to get back into drawing. Writing has been easier lately. I recently restarted my semester at the end of August.

I want to live my life HOW I WANT TO, but due to my family's control and religious background, I am currently unable to do so. I hope to move out ASAP so I can start to truly live.

---

I'm in a relationship!! My bf is very sweet and cute uwu I'm also polyam, and yes my bf knows bc why tf wouldn't I tell him that, we ain't about that toxic polyamory life.

As for my full orientation, I consider myself neptunic demi-biromantic, nonbinary genderflux, and polyamorous. I've learned recently that l'm not really sexually attracted to those with masc bodies, moreso aesthetically and romantically attracted.

---

I have been learning more about spirituality and witchcraft, and would love to truly practice my craft, but I either forget to do so, or feel too paranoid/nervous about my family realizing what I'm doing.

Currently, I'm prooooobably agnostic? Maybe? Thinking there could be a god, but if there is? They probably don't fully care about what humans are doing? So long as we aren't hurting others...They certainly don't need us to abide by everything the Bible says. Maybe at one point, the Bible reflected their views, but maybe they grew, changed, along with the world and it's people. Idk. I've read about God being transcendent. I think that if I do believe in God, I'd prefer a transcendent God who's will is my path than one who has already predetermined my fate.

---

I am SO DAMN NEURODIVERGENT, yall don't even know -

I'm diagnosed with ADHD, Dyscalculia, Autism, General Anxiety, Major Depression, OCD, and.......some schizo type disorder otherwise specified? Idk I forget -

As for chronic illnesses -

Was born with a heart disease - that's called having Congenital Heart Disease. Don't have a full on diagnosis yet, but am quite certain I have prosopagnosia (face blindness). And there's def something up with my reproductive system. Endo maybe?? I still need to see a gynecologist. And apparently I TECHNICALLY have POTS, but I don't have tachycardia cause I had a procedure to stop the palpitations. So I'm diagnosed with Orthostatic Hypotension. Other than that, I have GERD and IBS/possibly IBD. Due to medical mishaps I didn't get a colonoscopy when I was supposed to, but was told that I probably have IBD. So yeah. Fun...

Also wouldn't be surprised if I had Sjogren's. Had blood work to see, but never had other tests to confirm. So who knows, man.

Also at this point I think I could have a connective tissue disorder??? My body's fucked, that's for sure!

---

Current special interest : Hazbin Hotel

Current hyperfixations : Helluva Boss, Sonic the Hedgehog, Vocaloid/Utau/Synth V + other vocal synth music, my own OCs and story/comic ideas, Undertale/Deltarune + Undertale AUs, Camp Camp, The Amazing Digital Circus

Other interests : Anime/Manga (current faves/interests are My Dress Up Darling, Osomatsu San, Free! series, Nichijou, The Promised Neverland) Cartoons (MLP FIM, Phineas and Ferb, Gravity Falls, SVTFOE) Webcomics (Ghost Eyes + other MCPverse comics, My Impossible Soulmate, Shen comics, Pixie and Brutus, Bugtopia, Monsters and Girls, Ennui Go) Music, art + drawing, writing/reading, cosplay, J fashion (Lolita fashion, Menhera/Yami Kawaii, Fairy Kei, Pastel Goth, Decora), video games (Animal Crossing NH, Mario, Spiritfarer, Kirby, Sonic, Smash Bros, horror rpgs, and numerous visual novels)

[horizon-forbidden-sheesh]

Writing Process: Preamble

*Ahem* SO! I was recently honored with a question about my organization process for writing. And, boy howdy, am I just tickled pink to tell you! I've never felt so seen!! Let's do this thing.

Let me start by sharing that IRL, I'm a copywriter/project manager for print & digital design work. So when I started writing my first-ever fic, I organized it much in the same way I would a website build.

But tbh, when I started The Marshal, I didn't really know I was writing a fic. In fact, I was only working through my typical video game process. In that I'm extremely anal note-taker, and it's just the way I live my regular-degular life. All my books are annotated to the Nth, I’ve been keeping a (rather inconsistent) diary since I was 17, and I’m a religious bullet journal-er with very specific journal preferences (grid paper, always).

My practice of video game note-taking goes all the way back to drawing maps of Luigi's Mansion as a kid to try and optimize my speed runs, and progresses into tracking daily decisions for BG3. I’ve also got entire pages in my bullet journal dedicated to developing backstories for all my Cult of the Lamb cult members, and my Notes app has several installments of history & lore from various Civ V games. It’s simply how I prefer to play.

(Side note: No, I am not technically diagnosed with anything. Yes, I have found myself in repetitive, furious spirals, tearing out pages of my notebook over-and-over when the map I HAD to draw in pen was not 'perfect.' 💁🏻Is this OCD?🦋 Who knows. Who cares.)

Game Timelines have always fascinated me, pretty much since Ocarina of Time. I want to know how exactly long something took, what order it happened in, and whether it's technically 'feasible' within the parameters of the game. Peep my post about 'realistic' gameplay for more deets.

Mostly, I was trying to track where I 'camped' each night, because it was SUPER IMPORTANT that the events of the game took place within the ~3 month timeline GAIA sets before the environment collapses (super casual). So, the notes from my first play-through looked like this.

And then I met Kotallo.

And I started drafting journal entries from Aloy's POV to explore the internal monologue behind all those ✨faces✨ she was making.

(These ones. Infinite credit to @Diviner-Alva for doing the LORDT'S WORK.)

They looked like this:

If you've read 'The Marshal,' you'll notice some similarities.

After a few weeks of gameplay, I was pushing 20k words in 'journal entries,' and it just... wasn't cutting it. That was around the time I knew I had an bona fide obsession on my hands.

Writing exclusively in Aloy's POV left out SO MUCH OF THE STORY that was developing in my li'l head alongside my gameplay. I was imagining a whole burgeoning, slowburn romance as I picked my way across the Forbidden West. It mirrored the side quests (That Talanah convo??) and overall themes of HFW perfectly. (Also, um, the consistent controller rumble during the Scorcher cut scene?? Like, WTF? You're telling me Geurrilla didn't know EXACTLY what they were doing? Pfft.)

I can't tell you when exactly I finally took to the internet to feed my hyperfixation, but let me tell you that it was my first time discovering Ao3, and I spent the summer of 2022 devouring every fic in the Aloy/Kotallo tag. I felt like I had finally found my people. It even worked for a while! But the story playing in my head didn't exactly match any of the stories 1:1, and I realized after a while that no one else could write MY headcanon.

Still, there's a TON of overlap in a few of them: Medicine by HIMLuv is by far the closest, and my personal fave. I love basically everything Garbage_Dono has written. Obviously, I've developed a massive crush on Pikapeppa. (How does she do it so FAST? *awe, amazement, un poco envy*) There are some truly incredible writers out there, and I'm genuinely grateful to every one of them for creating a foundation that gave me the permission I needed to finally fucking WRITE. I denied myself fanfic for probably 20 years, imagining all the ways I would be ruthlessly mocked if anyone ever found out. I've had a-lot-a-lot of shame blocks to work through as I've been writing over the past year, and this story about opening up and trusting others feels deeply personal in a way I can't quite put into words.

That's how I made the decision to begin adapting the journal entries into a more organized fic. So, I started my second play-though and created this account around that time. It would be probably be another ~6 months before I got drunk enough to just press 'publish' on the first chapter in April of this year, over a year after the game came out.

Every other reference tool I've made, I created along the way. I intended to post more of them here on tumblr, but hey. Life Happens.™ And even tho it feels like the fandom had moved on post-DLC, there's still pleeeeenty of time. 😘

Anyway, I'm gonna clip this here, and get more into the weeds on organizational tools in another post. But it felt like I needed to talk about this first, because when I started really writing in the Fall of 2022, I already had a lotta documents under my belt that I needed to wrangle.

If you got to this point, thanks for reading this entirely self-indulgent post.

xo, Sheesh. 🖤

[prabhatprakashan12]

Mandala Tear Out Sheet Colouring Book for Kids || Prabhat Prakashan || ‎ 9789355213730

Two Types of Mandala

1 Buddhist sand mandalas

Tibetan Buddhist monks have been creating amazing cosmic designs out of colored sand for generations. Monks attain a flow state as they carefully arrange each grain of sand using metal funnels and sticks. When they approach the artwork's center point, they experience the transcendence of Self and the reality of a universe devoid of suffering for all beings. They then practice nonattachment by destroying the mandala after days or weeks of labor, emphasizing the impermanence of all things.

2 Hindu mandalas

Mandalas, also known as yantras, were introduced to Hinduism by Buddhism. Traditional yantras are square in shape, with a gate on each side encircling a central circle containing one of the Hindu gods. The artist invokes that god to assist them in discovering cosmic truths through the contemplative building of a mandala.

How to Draw Your Own Mandala.

Begin with a general notion of what you want to make. Choose between round and rectangular shapes, black and white or color. You may make a flower Mandala Tear Out Sheet  drawing petals and leaves. But don't be concerned if you're unsure what you want. "Sometimes I have no idea what I'm doing," adds Madra. "I just start with the smallest layer, the innermost circle, and grow it out and it changes." "I enjoy the freedom." If you need ideas, look for patterns in your surroundings or look at some of the mandala examples on Behance.

Making a grid is the first stage in making a mandala"We want it to be symmetrical, and we want all of the patterns to be equal," Madra explains. Bonafini recommends drawing grid lines that intersect the circle every 30 or 45 degrees. Whether your overall design is square or circular, you can begin with a circle around the central point. Then select what fundamental forms, such as an inverted U or V, you want to radiate from that circle. The following layer should be slightly different. You might alter the shape slightly and fill it in with different materials. 

strokes or colors."It's a similar pattern, but the small variations give you an entirely separate look once the object is finished," Madras notes.

Do you know what a digital drawing Advantage is?

A beautiful Mandala Tear Out Sheet does not have to be drawn with sand or with a gel pen. Bonafini enjoys sketching on her tablet."If I don't like something, I can make it and then delete it." I can keep repeating the same pattern.  If I imagine something on paper and it doesn't work out, I lose the entire thing." Plus, you can take all of your art supplies with you everywhere you go with a tablet. You can add to your Mandala Tear Out Sheet anytime you feel inspired. 

For More Information 

Call or Whatsapp

7827007777