#i'm using a lot of exclamation marks today!!!!

[silverware-is-interesting]

Random things related to object shows

bleugh

[unbidden-yidden-deactivated20240]

To follow up on my Hosanna poll, I think before things go any further, it'd be good to actually explain and define it. I was initially going to wait until the end of the poll, but it seems that google is giving people a lot of bad and/or conflicting answers and I'd rather people walk away with the correct information.

So! Hosanna is an anglicized version of the Hebrew words "hosha na" [הושע נא or as a contraction הושענא]. Hosha na is a little enigmatic and hard to translate, but the simplest translation is probably "save us, please." It's traditionally used as an exclamation to G-d to rescue us, but it also has shades of being a triumphant shout (the implication being confidence that G-d will save us.)

Jews say "hoshanot" (the plural of hosha na) as part of our traditional Sukkot liturgy, and is something we do still today.

For us, the multi-faceted meaning of the root word allows us to have multiple layers of meaning. During Sukkot, we start praying for rain in its proper season and amounts, and we shake the lulav and etrog as part of these processions and liturgy. On Hoshana Rabba [the "great hoshana"], the last day of Sukkot, we process around the bimah (front lectern) seven times as a completion of our season of repentance and our starting of the new year with abundant blessings.

My siddur (prayer book) Lev Shalem has this as an explanation and translation:

[Image ID is of the Lev Shalem siddur, pages 382 & 383 - I tried hard to find a pdf of this that would be readable using a screen reader, but the versions I'm finding cut off at pg. 376 at the latest. If anyone has bandwidth to type this up, I would greatly appreciate it]

For the curious, here is a recording of the Hoshanot liturgy and procession:

Christians mostly know the word from the gospels and hymns.

Here is what Wikipedia says about its use in Christianity:

Historical meaning

Since those welcoming Jesus were Jewish, as of course Jesus himself was, some would interpret the cry of "Hosanna" on the entry of Jesus in its proper meaning, as a cry by the people for salvation and rescue.

Christian reinterpretation

"Hosanna" many interpret as a shout of praise or adoration made in recognition of the messiahship of Jesus on his entry into Jerusalem

It is applied in numerous verses of the New Testament, including "Hosanna! blessed is the one who comes in the name of the Lᴏʀᴅ!" (Matthew 21:9,15; Mark 11:9–10; John 12:13), which forms part of the Sanctus prayer; "hosanna in the highest" (Mark 11.10); and "hosanna to the Son of David" (Matt 21:9). These quotations, however, are of words in the Jewish Psalm 118. Although not used in the book of Luke, the testimony of Jesus' entry into Jerusalem is recorded in Luke 19.

In church music

The "Hosanna Anthem", based on the phrase Hosanna, is a traditional Moravian Church anthem written by Bishop Christian Gregor of Herrnhut sung on Palm Sunday and the first Sunday of Advent. It is antiphonal, i.e. a call-and-response song; traditionally, it is sung between the children and adult congregation, though it is not unheard of for it to be done in other ways, such as between choir and congregation, or played between trombone choirs.

The bottom line:

Jews and Christians have different connections, associations, and meanings attached to this word as expressions of our different theologies and texts. The word is derived from a Hebrew word and was created by Jews and is still used by us today. (Like literally today - we are currently in the middle of the Sukkot festival.) Christians changed the meaning to fit within their own context, and pronunciation of the word evolved with linguistic drift over time. In the same way that there's not a reason to pitch a fit over saying Jesus rather than Yeshua, there's no compelling reason to change hosanna back to hosha na; if anything, the distinction helps make it clear that it's effectively a different word and concept from ours.

On the other hand, I do think Christians ought to know the original meaning of the word if they're going to use it. To only ever know their version when it was derived from ours is yet another small way of playing into supercessionism by erasing and replacing the Jewish context of things that were originated in Judaism that Christians have embedded in Christianity. While the Christians of today cannot unwind the supercessionism of Christian history, they *can* choose to understand their present Christianity in ways that do not play into supercessionism and that respect the Jewish community of today.

I hope this was helpful and gives folks a new perspective on an obscure Hebrew word!

[chronic-cynic]

"'You're so different,' he says, shaking his head and squinting at me.

'I may have grown a few centimetres since I was eleven.'

'No, it's—' He stops himself.

I put down my phone. 'What? It's what?'

'You're more serious.'

I don't remember not being serious. As far as I'm concerened, I came out of the womb spouting cynicism and wishing for rain." (Oseman 73)

This is an analysis of Tori Spring and her unreliability as a narrator. It will be incredibly long, so I hope I do not bore anyone.

Lucas, as we know, had been Tori's best friend throughout elementary school. He had a dream, to chase after his childhood best friend and start a beautiful romance—which was nicely foreshadowed by the line: "'[The Great Gatsby is] about...' He pauses to think. 'It's about someone who's in love with a dream'" (72). However, he realizes that she wasn't the person he thought she was. Or rather, she isn't the person she used to be.

Alongside Lucas, there are two other characters that hint at the fact that Tori was never this pessimistic: Mr. Kent and Becky.

Near the beginning of the novel, Tori mentions how she and Kent know each other quite well because he has been her teacher for over five years. And, throughout the novel, Kent continuously shows his concern for Tori and her attitude towards life. It would make a lot of sense for him to be this concerned if he had actually seen life in Tori to begin with. Along with that, it is very clear that Tori is liked by the teachers, as stated by Becky on page 79. Again, it would make more sense for this to be the case if she was a different person when she was younger.

Finally: Becky. Throughout the novel, Tori feels incredibly jealous towards her best friend, and she feels the gap between them comes from the fact that Becky moved on while she stayed exactly where she was. However, during their argument after the Solitaire party, Becky says, "you've changed. I might have changed too, but you definitely have. And that's not necessarily a bad thing, but it's true" (310). This completely contradicts everything Tori has told the reader.

The scene in which Tori reads her old diary illustrates my point perfectly.

"Up at the crack of 10:30am. Becky et moi went to the cinema today and saw Pirates of the Carribean (is that how you spell it???) 2 and OMG it was SO GOOD. Becky thinks Orlando Bloom is the fittest. Then we went to get pizza in the high street she had Hawaiian but obviously mine was plain cheese. YUM! She's coming round next week for a sleepover too. She says she needs to tell me about a boy that she likes!! And we're going to eat so much food and stay up all night and watch films!!!!!" (274)

It's very clear with the exclamation marks and enthusiasm in her tone that no, she was not born serious. Unlike now, Tori used to be genuinely happy to listen to Becky's relationships with boys. And—my favourite detail—the use of French in the second sentence. The word "moi" was almost always used by tweens as a quirky replacement for "me" (source: me. I used to use that word all of the time because I thought it was cute and silly. Gross). This is my favourite detail because of an earlier scene with Oliver when Tori says, "Are you suggesting that Charlie is better at Mario Kart than moi?" (63). Now, this could just be a coincidence, but I like to think that this is Tori's inner child being revealed to her little brother, especially because she would never speak to anyone else in that way. But, I digress.

So, I have now established how Tori has been unreliable with the way she describes herself, but what else has she been lying about? I think the most obvious answer is her hatred and lack of knowledge about literature.

Unlike everything I explained above, Tori does admit to lying near the end of the book, saying that books scare her because of how personal they feel. However, there are many things that contradicted her prior to this reveal. For example, her grades in her previous English class—as mentioned by Kent—and the way she used to read with Lucas.

After Lucas speaks about the books he is currently reading, Tori tells the reader, "I nod as if I understand. I don't. I don't know a single thing about literature despite studying it for A level" (72). Yet when Michael tests her on famous literary works, she is able to answer every question correctly, once again contradicting everything she has said.

Her unreliability is not deliberate, it comes from lies she tells herself. However, it seems like she knows the truth deep down. But I guess she is justified. After all, it feels better to say you were born serious than to admit to the damage the world has done to you.

[archivalofsins]

How I'm feeling right now,

Me: Gah-

Mikoto: Get back to work!

Me: It's my day off-

Mikoto: Those don't- exist we don't stop working around here!

Me: Fuck this post and fuck your birthday! We do this every year- it's the same thing it's never ending! Why can't people just fucking read-

Mikoto: Why can't you stop bitching and write?! Huh?

Okay all joking aside I did read the timeline on the app and since it's Mikoto here comes the age old game of guess who. Where everyone tries to discern if it's Mikoto or Mikoto (John) based on the language and pronouns used. So, let's go over my opinion on that and why I think it's just Mikoto.

Well, with all that out of the way let's clock in for-

UNPAID OVERTIME

(Star who's trapped in this hell with me after seeing this probably: Yippee.....)

TIME CLOCKED

Gunsli: 16 hours (Not the longest I've worked on a post honestly. At least it's actually done.)

Star @sinfulequity: 7 hours (tired... also I wrote some stuff. Not a lot though)

Gunsli: Ahn, I say we made good time.

My, oh my what harsh language you use~

Why, one could say it's like a punch to the face.

Mikoto within his birthday timeline today was using casual language that could lean towards antagonistic or combative to some. The wording here served to invoke imagery of delinquency.

What I want to interrogate is if only the words used were harsh or his tone overall. Also, why that may be.

First of all in the text provided through the portal timeline today there is no indication through punctuation that this is a hostile conversation. One could say that the words being used allude to the tone. 

Yet, that may simply not be the case. 

It would have been immensely easy to put in exclamation points in order to illustrate that if it is the case. Especially since the text provided was very capable of adding a coma.

Kayano: Wait, Fuck- uh, get back.

Outside of this instance, previous portal timeline interactions have had exclamation points and other punctuation marks to allude to tone.

This timeline mainly uses ellipses. Those have been shown to usually denote either a long dragging pause or nervousness within the Timeline. Ellipses have also been used in the context of all the characters to denote discomfort or anxiety outside of just registering a long pause.

It's been used this way with Mikoto from the beginning of the series. One could say Mikoto and Mahiru are the first display of the use of this punctuation and the tone it is meant to convey,

Mikoto: ……I’ve really got caught up in some trouble, huh. What even is this place? It’s probably a TV reality show or something. ……but to think someone in this day and age would try to do a project that could land them in so much trouble. Uh……

Mahiru: Ah…… I’m Shina Mahiru! You can just call me Mahiru. And you are……?

Mikoto: Kayano Mikoto. I’m fine with just Mikoto too. Ahh, I’m glad there’s someone here who’s easy to talk to…… It’s nice to meet you, Mappy.

Mahiru: ………… ……Mappy???

So, let's take a look at this new timeline,

23/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday) @doctorbunny (translation)

Amane: …….Who are you? How peculiar. Could it really be that you aren't Kayano Mikoto?

Kayano: Huh, who am I? Yeah, that's what I wanna know. Wait, Fuck- uh, get back. I'm in my rebellious phase, so I can't guarantee I won't beat you to a pulp. So just keep your mouth shut about this and get lost.

Amane: ……I'll be sure to heed your warning. However, if you wish to be saved, you should come to us, let's pray together. No matter who you are anyone can be saved.

Kayano: That's stupid….. If there really is a god, he should just show up and save us. I'd pray to a god like that as much as he wants.

This translation is by DoctorBunny; he used Kayano here instead of Mikoto to keep to the vagueness of the timeline. The timeline itself uses the self-referential pronoun ore. This and the harsh language used has led people to believe that the one speaking is Mikoto (John). I'm not here to completely debunk that idea, just offer an alternative interpretation along with my reasoning behind it.

I said that I believed this to be Mikoto speaking pretty early.After I’d woken up, before there was even a proper translation for the timeline. I just went off the tail end of what was provided on the app and the machine translation there.

Unlike many others I didn't assume a hostile tone when reading the timeline interaction. This is because I read text in monotone then assign tone to it through context clues, about, on the fourth or fifth read through. I believe this is a very normal thing to do and won't take criticism on it. 

I also don't tend to project tone onto text conversations generally.

This makes it easier to avoid miscommunications. Since I won't go creating them in my head by projecting a tone on something without one based either on my feelings at the time or feelings towards the subject speaking. 

In my opinion, anyone who may have assumed a tone from the text provided today which has very little textual indicators of hostility choose to do that for reasons they can interrogate or not.  It’s not as though this is a bad thing either. This is just something everyone’s brains may go to due to someone’s perception and relation to the subject speaking. 

Ergo it’s none of my business or my concern. If someone wants to think the text on the screen is angry or happy that’s their perception, not my responsibility. 

But the words used were harsh!

The punctuations weren't; I don't know what to tell anyone other than when the characters are upset or excited within the timeline the writing punctually does a good job at displaying that.

Now don't make me pull out this song again guys~ Come on I really love this song but this can't keep happening.

"Interjections! Show excitement or emotion. They're generally set apart from a sentence by an exclamation point or by a coma when the feelings not as strong!"

It's not difficult or scary! I swear it's writing and everyone loves it~

Let's look at a timeline conversation as an example. Preferably an interaction with only one speaker that still manages to highlight the spectrum of emotion punctuation can convey.

But could there be such a perfect example that could pertain to our topic of the day?

23/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Mikoto: …… (ellipses a dragging open showing the character may be hesitant to speak or pondering) I wonder if there really is another version of me. (Hard stop or period denoting the end of sentence and a statement.) And the fact my clothes are in rags and everyone is scared of me is his fault. Even being a “murderer”…… but it’s hard to just believe something like that.

Mikoto: If I talk like this can you hear me? If you can hear, (use of a coma because the feelings isn't that strong yet remember the song) please respond. Why would you do something so horrible. Hey, it’s all your fault, right? ……answer me! (exclamation to highlight this is a interjection this character may be upset and exclamation highlights that along with other context clues.)

Mikoto: ……Aaaaa!! (Oh no this character may be screaming in abject agony or frustration. The reader can tell from not only the word illustrated but the exclamation points.) But I did it for me……! (Trailing off but still frustrated.) If not, I would’ve broken!! (The context implies that the subject may be frustrated at not being able to communicate something or trouble by what could have occurred. All insinuated by you guess that exclamation point!)

Mikoto: ––What am I even doing…… (this character isn't upset just trailing off and probably tired or at a lost of what to do. Illustrated through the ellipses.) Of course I won’t conveniently just get a response like that. I should just stop thinking about everything now…… I’m tired……

What I'm getting at by bringing up the punctuation is Mikoto in his October 06, 2024 birthday timeline Mikoto isn't speaking angrily. He's speaking crudely. Something that can be done without raising one's voice or even getting emotional in anyway.

Something alluded to by the punctuations being used.

Now the other thing being ignored here is context. Mikoto makes these statements towards Amane. Amane Momose the child abuse survivor, the person who was electrocuted, waterboarded and beaten by her mother regularly.

Beaten with a blunt object and or rod. He calls her a brat and states that he can't guarantee he won't-

Amane has very real in character reasons to be greatly bothered by this sort of thing possibly happening to her again.

Yet, with Mikoto Amane would have very little reason to believe that he would do something like that to her. Especially since she did attack him once and he did not hit her. Unlike Shidou who threatened to fight her.

21/04/16 (Amane’s First Trial)

Amane: …………

Mikoto: Oh, welcome back Amane! ……what’s with the grim face? Ah, right, the guard summoned you! How was it? Did you cry? I bet you were so scared you cried, right!?

Amane: ……alright then. If it’s a fight you want, it’s a fight you’ll get.

Mikoto: Huh? Oooi! Hey, are you listening?? Ooooi!

22/10/24 (Shidou’s Birthday)

Amane: ……Kirisaki Shidou. How long do you plan on continuing this foolish behaviour?

Shidou: I wonder what you might be referring to there. I’m just doing what I need to do. If anything, I’d be happy if you would lend me a hand.

Amane: I warned you. I can no longer turn a blind eye to this wickedness taking place right in front of us. You’re bringing ruin unto yourself. Do you understand?

Shidou: No, I don’t understand. It’s my job as an adult to teach you that throwing a temper tantrum isn’t going to make everything go your way. If it’s a test of endurance you want, I’m happy to oblige, Amane.

So, Amane's response to Mikoto making what could have been an incredibly triggering statement being to invite him to pray. Highlights to me that contextually he was showing enough genuine concern for her to be able to tell this is something he didn't want to do and he needed help.

If not Amane is really dedicated to the cause and has no interest in her own personal safety. Something that very well could still be the case. Something that would strengthen her similarities to Kotoko and Haruka. People who find themselves and their feelings secondary to what they seek to do or protect.

But we'll cross that bridge if it's built. For now this is quite a calm and leveled response for her to have to words like that given her background.

Secondly, while Futa has called her a brat too, she responds in a different manner. With Futa, she snipes back.

20/06/03

Futa: ……huh? What’s your problem? You’re just leaving all your meat? What a weird kid.

Amane: You say that, but you’re not eating all of your food either.……are you not able to eat your vegetables? Even though you’re an adult.

Futa: Huh, what, so you’re just eating grass? What are you, a rabbit or something? Since you’re just a brat, you should be eating your meat properly. You won’t grow if you don’t.

Amane: ……you make some really funny jokes, don’t you, Futa-san.

However, she's more willing to let it pass by with Mikoto. Taking his words for their face value instead of any tone that could be read in them. You could argue that it's ruder with Futa, since they knew each other for less time here. However, it's also another instance where, if you just read the words as is, someone is showing concern with abrasive phrasing.

Mikoto also uses this word right before he issues this warning (well, more of a demand as the language he uses is more commanding apparently)-

-which indicates that he was startled or thrown off. Whether that be from realizing something, Amane sneaking up on him or something else is up to interpretation. However, he has a history of becoming too comfortable with Amane and letting his guard down before she reminds him that she's younger than him.

So it's possible that's what happened again here. Since she asked if he really wasn't Kayano Mikoto (something brought up to her by Es in her own voice drama). She even goes far as to comment about how peculiar-

-or maybe interesting it is to her. The idea of lacking a singular "identity" may be something that is of personal interest to her. Given how she refers to herself within her second voice drama.

Es: … We’ve digressed. So – just what are you right now? You’ve been saying “we” this whole time. Does that mean you are not Amane Momose right now?

Amane: Right now, I am both Amane Momose and I am not. I am speaking on behalf of our faith. I am speaking as “we”, who believe that dialogue and warnings are in order since you made the misjudgment to not forgive us.

Es: So you’re saying I’m talking to the very concept of your faith right now?

Amane: We don’t mind you thinking of it that way.

That being said, she still refers to him in the same pattern she refers to almost everybody as pointed out by DoctorBunny. The pattern being referring to people by their full names. And, to go further, in kanji when her speech is written down. To be more specific, when she asked if he's really Mikoto Kayano.

Examples of this can be seen with,

Futa

Yuno (23/06/27)

and Shidou (22/10/24)

Whereas an exception can be seen with Mahiru here. Since Amane does not refer to her by her full name but by just Mahiru it's unclear if she would remain an exception if Amane does refer to her by full name at a later date.

(evidence shared by DoctorBunny)

According to DoctorBunny, the usage of kanji for everyone's first name is a bit of a peculiarity as they're usually just written in katakana. He also cited an incident that happened in a manga. Where a character switched from using kanji to katakana for their given name as a shorthand to show a partial loss of identity.

I believe these are interesting narrative tropes to take into consideration in regards to Amane and her dissociative displays. Especially since in the instances she's used kanji she was either trying to invite someone to her religious endeavors (Futa & Mikoto) or scorning them for breaking a tenant of them (Yuno & Shidou).

This further gives credibility to the Mahiru being an exception because in this time line Amane is giving her a warning for taking Shidou's help but still does not use kanji. The use of katakana here could imply saying a persons name with emphasis of some sort either harshly, gently, or in a way that makes it feel as though one is looking directly at them and their being.

"…….Who are you? How peculiar. Could it really be that you aren't Kayano Mikoto?"

The Timing

After Mikoto’s guilty verdict he became closed off. This resulted in other prisoners avoiding him out of discomfort. Not necessarily because he became violent but because to them, he was no longer the Mikoto they had gotten to know. Something that scared some and was off putting to others.  

Q.07 Are there any prisoners you get along with?

Shidou: Kayano-kun has become like that, and I can’t spend my time smoking at the moment, so the smoking trio has disbanded, which is a bit lonely.

After his timeline interaction with Futa Kajiyama on October 06, 2021 Mikoto no longer spoke in the timeline.

21/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Mikoto: ……ah, Futa? What’s up? Did you come to celebrate my birthday?

Futa: Hah!? Like I care about your birthday. ……what’s up with you, though, you’re usually a lot more excited. I thought you were the sort of idiot who’d make a big deal over your birthday.

Mikoto: Yeah, usually that’d be the case. ……I think I must be getting tired. It’s like I’m anxious over something but I can’t really explain what it is…… Like, the feeling that I’ve been totally wrong about something. Haha, but it’s not like talking to you about it is gonna do anything.

Futa: Yeah, yeah, just like you say. Talking to me about it isn’t gonna help. ……but, it’s not like I don’t get what you’re saying. Or rather, I understand exactly what you mean. And if it’s the same thing as I’ve been feeling, then it will just get stronger as time goes on…… probably. But anyway, rather than talking to someone like me you should go and bother the others. Go and get showered with their stupid birthday wishes.

He didn’t begin speaking in the timeline again until after the second trial of Milgram had officially commenced after August 3, 2022. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ChehsI3E4OQ&t=62s)

22/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Haruka: Mikoto-san. Um, are you ok……?

Mikoto: Ah, Haru-kun. It’s been a while since we last talked, huh. Yeah, I’m fine. Are you doing ok……?

Haruka: Ah, I’m fine. I’ve been enjoying myself, a lot. Um, I’m sorry, for avoiding you. I was a bit scared. Of you, honestly……

Mikoto: Ahhh, yeah. I’ve been lashing out whenever I go to sleep, right? ……it’s fine. Even I think you’re right to be scared. You know, I kinda just hate that I don’t even know what’s going on myself…… haha. Ah, but despite all that you still came and talked to me because it’s my birthday, right? Thank you, you’ve grown into a good man.

The reason that Mikoto was no longer as present in the portal timelines as he had previously been, is stated to be due to Mikoto (John) coming to the forefront as a response to their guilty verdict.

The impact this has had on his relationships within Milgram is made apparent during his 2023 birthday timeline interaction where he goes from being wished Happy Birthday by only Haruka to no one,

23/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Mikoto: ……I wonder if there really is another version of me. And the fact my clothes are in rags and everyone is scared of me is his fault. Even being a “murderer”…… but it’s hard to just believe something like that.

Mikoto: If I talk like this can you hear me? If you can hear, please respond. Why would you do something so horrible. Hey, it’s all your faut, right? ……answer me!

Mikoto: ……Aaaaa!! But I did it for me……! If not, I would’ve broken!!

Mikoto: ––What am I even doing…… Of course I won’t conveniently just get a response like that. I should just stop thinking about everything now…… I’m tired……

Something even worse when you considered he’s went from getting birthday wishes from everyone to that.

20/10/07 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Mikoto: ■■…… gh…… Gah…… ■■…… aaa…… nh…… ■…… ■■■■■……!!

Kotoko: …………hm. Have you finally calmed down? Kayano Mikoto.

Kotoko: ………… So you want me to wish you a happy birthday? I don’t really mind, but is that really something for you to be saying to me?

Mikoto: You’re the last person I need to have the whole group. If there was just one person left it’d be bugging me all night and I’d never get to sleep, right? At times like this you have to abandon your pride and just say something, right~?

Kotoko: Ok, here you go. Happy birthday. ……if this is what will help you sleep soundly.

Mikoto: Oh, thanks! Now I don’t need to worry~

Put a pin in this timeline by the way we'll be talking about it again soon. Point is, after Mikoto's birthday on October 6, 2021 before the end of the first trial and even the beginning of Kotoko's-

Mikoto stopped talking in the timeline and didn't speak again until trial two began.

21/10/26 (Kotoko’s First Trial)

Kotoko: ……come, Es. Let’s fight together.

Jackalope’s “Second Trial Commencement Notice” Date: August 3, 2022

After that we saw Mikoto in the timeline again on his birthday 22/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday) where he spoke to Haruka.

Mikoto: Ah, Haru-kun. It’s been a while since we last talked, huh.

Then he bluntly states what one could already assume from everything else that has occurred on Kotoko's birthday,

22/12/15 (Kotoko’s Birthday)

Mikoto: Ah, Koto-chan. It’s been a while. Both of us have kinda split off from the group, but how’ve things been? A lot’s happened, but fr now let’s try to get along. I mean, it’s your birthday today, right? I got the feeling nobody else was going to do anything, so I came to celebrate.

Kotoko: ……how carefree. It doesn’t matter, a villain like you won’t be forgiven next time either. And when that time comes, it’ll be the end for you. I’ll make sure of it myself.

Mikoto: Ahh?? Just try and do it, you nutjob. I’ll crush anyone who hurts me…… You’re gonna be totally beaten at your own game……!

Kotoko: Hm. The border between the two is getting a lot vaguer. Your entire existence is a crime. And I will see you’re punished for it. That is what Milgram, and Es, and I have chosen.

Plainly for everyone to see. He just straight up says that they've both split off from the group. Comparing how he's alone to how Kotoko is on her own as well to an extent.

All of this illustrates to me that Mikoto (John) was not communicating with anyone over the course of the first trial intermission in general. Not just from what we as the audience could tell.

So, this drastic shift from not appearing at all during the intermission to appearing within two portal timelines over the course of this trials intermission is a change that could be considered a direct result of the change in verdict.

On top of that, unlike before, none of the prisoners seem to be afraid to approach Mikoto or be approached by him. This could very well be because they know it’s the Mikoto they got to know from trial one. Unlike the situation with the previous intermission where he became

"Like that."

In Shidou's vague words,

Shidou: Kayano-kun has become like that.

If none of that is enough- which it really should be. I cannot state enough how much that up there should be enough for this point to stand on its own.

However if it isn't this framing is further supported within his voice drama,

Mikoto Voice Drama 2 Neoplasm

5:03

“But, you know… This isn’t a good thing, probably.”

What do you mean?

“I (boku) might be trying to disappear.”

…

“Evidently, the time I (ore) have been fronting has been getting longer, so this “me” has been able to stabilize. Isn’t that the reason we can talk properly?”

So, if during the time even Mikoto (John) themselves stated they were out longer out of the them was spent being completely antisocial and avoiding speaking to anyone. Why would that suddenly change with now? Why would he start directly antagonizing people especially the youngest person here.

Wouldn't the bigger threat be the guy built like a wall that walked up and basically went if you need help keeping yourself and check I can fold you any time. Not Amane the middle schooler? Like he didn't feel threatened enough to intervene in any part of that conversation but certainly this child inviting to him to pray deserves to be beaten to death for offering him salvation.

Because,

“I” (boku) will save “me” (boku)

Yes, I'm dead ass right now- Both uses in MeMe are just boku.

Oh my gosh it's like people can use whatever way to refer to themselves they want at their convenience or something. Wow, shocker oh my gosh.

Or does anyone want to posit the idea that Mikoto (John) also referred to as ore did not appear in MeMe at all? He visually appeared. That much is for certain no matter how you slice it.

However, this plays into what's said in the subtitles of Double that Mikoto (John) is Double and Mikoto is as the cover of Double alluded to MeMe.

So, that's just Mikoto's song he claimed that shit. He claimed that shit heavily. Under that framing MeMe using boku predominantly throughout while Double uses ore,

Would make a lot of sense. However it would raise the very compelling question of Mikoto what the fuck?

Since MeMe is very much the,

"I did that shit and I'd do it again too."

Song out of the both of them. Where he literally goes fuck you I'm not sorry you're just fucking wrong and-

"The truth will come to reveal itself- I will NEVER forgive you if this is happening to me even though I’m right." - "Why, hey why, please let me out of here."

Well that's some boku shit right there, can't argue with preferred pronouns. Boku all the way through. That's just how Mikoto is. Killing that man, discarding the evidence, having a nice bath after all boku damn. It's hell of unfortunate that things simply were that simple. Yet, ya know all that anger, resentment and hate was simply all Mikoto.

Then there's the whole issue of what Mikoto (John) said within their second trial voice drama. Which not only continues to support the idea that Mikoto (John) was the one mainly out and about during the intermission,

5:45

“As for alters… Why do you think they’re born?”

In precise terms, it’s called dissociative identity disorder. Generally speaking, when a person experiences severe pain or stress a new personality is created to try and isolate the original from the resulting trauma.

“Yeah. I… probably come out to ease the stress I (boku) experiences. The fact that I come out for longer just means that I (boku) is constantly under extreme stress.”

Stress… Namely the environment of Milgram, right?

“Right. Especially the fact that you judged against forgiving Boku is causing a lot of stress. That’s why he’s entrusting me with his heart.”

I see.

10:06

“It’s true that I was the one who wanted to destroy everything… and the weakness of Boku, who couldn’t stand up for himself all alone, might have been the origin of that. But… that’s all there is to it. Is that a sin?”

I’ll be considering that after this.

“After talking to you, I get that you couldn’t forgive what I did. And I’m fine with that.”

…Yeah. That’s right.

“The one Milgram is supposed to judge is Boku – Mikoto, right. He’s not me – so, not John.”

Precisely.

“Please, forgive Boku. If you don’t… I’m sure he won’t be able to deal with this any longer.”

“A sin committed by another personality isn’t a sin”... you’re telling me that’s how I should judge?

“Yeah. If you forgive Boku… I’ll disappear.”

After this Mikoto Kayano regardless of how either refers to themselves was found overwhelmingly,

Innocent. So, if all of this were true (which it doesn't have to be he could have just lied) then I have one question,

Why the fuck is he still here?

If it was as simple as Mikoto (John) presented it to be within their second voice drama then why is he still being implied to be here or here at all?

Why is Mikoto telling Kazui he's concerned about lashing out again?

24/08/05 (Kazui’s Birthday)

Mikoto: ––No, it’s just…… I’m happy for the thought…… But I don’t even know myself what I’ll do next. So I can’t really hang out at the moment, y’know? But…… haha, aren’t you scared, Kazu-san?

Kazui: Hmm, I guess because of my work, I’m used to dealing with rowdy youngsters. Obviously you have your reasons. I don’t feel like prying, though. Well, whenever you feel like it, you’re always welcome. If you’re always on your own it’ll just make you feel worse. I’ll be company if you need to relieve some stress.

Mikoto: Yeah…… I’m not really, y’know, used to relying on other people. Like, I start to worry that I’m being a burden. And it’s hard for me to deal with feeling so pathetic…… If I do say so myself, I’m super Japanese, haha……

Kazui: Hm…… well, I’m fine whatever. If this is what’s easiest for you, I won’t force you. But you know, being in your 20s is still super young. It’s great that you’re so disciplined, but most people won’t worry if you’re a bit of a burden. I mean, I’m almost 40, and I feel like I’m still a kid now.

Now let me shot down my own point real quick-

It makes sense that Mikoto would tell Kazui to stay back because he's concerned that he may lash out again. He doesn't know about the deal Mikoto (John) made with Es. The one where he blatantly states that he will disappear as long as Mikoto is voted innocent. For all he knows it could happen again.

So, let me rephrase,

Why the fuck would Mikoto (John)- Someone who would know about that deal and under this framing have the unrestrained capacity to just destroy Amane and anyone else here warn her about himself?

If he doesn't want to hurt Amane he can just not fucking do that. That's a very real option he has and has taken in the past with others. He fought Kotoko back without injuring her at all- Furthermore, why would it even be necessary for someone only interested in defending themselves to throw hands with anyone else here outside of an instance where there's an attack happening already?

Neoplasm 11:03

"That’s right. I’ll have to disappear eventually, anyway… Disappear, and take all of it with me. I… was born to protect boku, after all."

You were… born for it…

"Yeah. If it’s for boku, I’ll… do anything."

Trial two Written Interrogation

Q.16 Is there something you'd protect at the cost of your life?

Mikoto: MIKOTO'S LIFE.

Even when Mikoto attacked Kotoko it was when she had already begun attacking others. It isn't unreasonable to interrogate the idea that he attacked her while she was preoccupied because he knew she might come for him next. Especially given he was aware of their verdict at the time.

Unless everyone has conveniently forgotten the details of their altercation that Kotoko herself admitted to,

Yonah 0:23

"I attacked everyone in order, but because of the interference caused by Kayano Mikoto and Mukuhara Kazui, who was protecting Kajiyama Fuuta, I couldn't finish it properly. But I was still able to do some damage. After attacking Shiina Mahiru, I had no time left for Momose Amane."

Even so I don't even have to go this far to display that the autheticity of this warning is questionable at best. Because again working under the assumption that the warning is from Mikoto (John) makes it a moot point.

Since as I said before if he didn't want to attack Amane he could just not do that. It makes sense for Mikoto to be concerned about what could happen without his knowledge. He has no control over Mikoto (John) or their actions to our knowledge at this time.

But for Mikoto (John) to behave in a manner that implies that his actions may be out of their immediate control as well and tell Amane to keep her distance- Is noticeably odd. Again he can just not do that shit no one is holding a gun to his head telling him to kill more people or attack anyone.

23/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Amane: …….Who are you? How peculiar. Could it really be that you aren't Kayano Mikoto?

Kayano: Huh, who am I? Yeah, that's what I wanna know. Wait, Fuck- uh, get back. I'm in my rebellious phase, so I can't guarantee I won't beat you to a pulp. So just keep your mouth shut about this and get lost.

Amane: ……I'll be sure to heed your warning. However, if you wish to be saved, you should come to us, let's pray together. No matter who you are anyone can be saved.

Kayano: That's stupid….. If there really is a god, he should just show up and save us. I'd pray to a god like that as much as he wants.

Based on the punctuation this isn't a hostile conversation. There are no exclamation points used. It's mostly ellipses and full stops. The only time Mikoto gets noticeably startled in a way that is readable is when "- " is used to show an abrupt cut off.

This may imply that he may have taken a step back from Amane as she tried to move closer to him. Amane also doesn't respond to his warning harshly instead stating she'll heed it. Then invite him to pray together with her. Something that an individual who was just overtly threatened wouldn't usually do if they can safely get away which she can.

She can just leave, she's inviting him to another thing. Directly after he told her to leave. All of this together gives the impression of a hushed and anxious conversation. Not a particularly hostile one.

Under this framing, it could be Mikoto (John) warning Amane about Mikoto. Which would could explain why the text can read as jumpy and concerned about who may be overhearing.

Mirroring the conversation between Kotoko and Haruka in a lot of ways,

23/12/15 (Kotoko’s Birthday)

Haruka: ……please, don’t tell anyone. And also, please, don’t get involved. All I can do, is ask, you……

Kotoko: ––Fufu, fufufufufu. That’s a crazy thing to be thinking. Honestly, it’s weird. But I don’t hate it. If only all the wrongdoers were like you.

Haruka: No…… that’s wrong…… That’s not, why I’m doing, this…… This, isn’t for me…… I have to protect…… so, Kotoko-san……please……

Kotoko: Eh? Ah, yeah, yeah. Well, I promise I won’t get in your way. Honestly, if I could, I’d love to do it myself, but I’ll step back this time. As for what happens next…… I wonder. It depends on Es.

Mikoto (John) is very much in control of his own actions but he doesn't know what Mikoto may do. Now that he's innocent and during the intermission the prisoners are unrestrained.

It's also incredibly different from how Mikoto conducts himself when talking to Kazui about keeping his distance. In that interaction he stays calm and is even somewhat curious asking Kazui,

"But…… haha, aren’t you scared, Kazu-san?"

Then proceeds to have a leveled conversation with him after that.

Unlike when Mikoto was talking to Kazui on August 5, 2024 where Mikoto is calm and leveled. If this is Mikoto (John) his panicked anxious and speaks in a way that implied he physical jumps back to keep away from Amane.

Now if this Mikoto (John) why would he be discussing this in such a way to imply he doesn't have control over his own self. Why would he be pondering about who he is as we see Mikoto do throughout the timeline and in his voice dramas,

"You know, I kinda just hate that I don’t even know what’s going on myself…… haha." - 23/10/06 (Mikoto's Birthday)

Neoplasm

"It’s pretty tough, isn’t it? (laughs) Ever since I came here, so much has been happening that I don’t understand…"

… You really… do laugh when you’re suffering, huh?

"Huh?"

You don’t get angry. You don’t scream. You laugh, like it’s a minor inconvenience.

"Ah… I guess so. I might have that kind of trait."

20/07/08

Yuno: Hey, Mikoto-san. Don’t you get tired being so conscious of others all the time? I mean, you’re free to do what you want though.

Mikoto: Eh…… Aha, what are you talking about? I’m not being conscious or anything. It’s normal to make sure to get along with everyone, right? I mean, when you put it like that, aren’t you the same, Yun-chan? You’re always smiling and getting on with everyone too.

Yuno: I don’t smile unless I actually want to. But with you, when you’re talking with other people it’s more like you only smile deliberately. So I kept thinking, don’t your cheeks get tired? Ah, is this just what happens when you become a working adult? ……you see people like that sometimes.

Mikoto: Haha, you don’t mince your words do you. …….that was never my intention, but now that you mention it, yeah, I guess I do. This might’ve been since I started my job too…… But like, if I was rude to everyone I met, all my efforts would come to nothing, right?

"Why, hey why, I’m nowhere to be found?"

Mikoto has repeatedly brought up difficulty with understanding himself and his habits. Along with put his anxiety when it came to being at fault or to blame for all of this on full display out the gate-

"I’m probably not to blame, it’s probably nothing I’m probably just having a bad dream, I need to wake up soon."

In contrast Mikoto (John) isn't shown to have this crisis of identity bluntly stating in the second voice drama that he was born to keep Mikoto safe and in the second written interrogation that he's willing to give his life for that.

Q.16 Is there something you'd protect at the cost of your life?

Mikoto: MIKOTO'S LIFE.

"I… was born to protect boku, after all."

So, why would he be questioning this now? When he was so ready to to end his own life just to make sure Mikoto wound up innocent. Why would he suddenly feel uncertain about his identity?

Insecurities so similar to the same ones put on display through all of MeMe where boku is only the term used.

"Is this selfish? This isn’t too much is it?" - "Ahhh, it’s the same anywhere I go. It’s like what’s wrong isn’t wrong- I’m already the fake one."

"Could it really be that you aren't Kayano Mikoto?"

"Wait, fuck- uh,"

20/07/15

Amane: Eh, my studies? I enjoy it. To me, studying is something I do for fun. Do you not think the same, Mikoto-san?

Mikoto: Not at all! It’s just a means to an end…… I just did the bare minimum needed to get into a good company. I actually went to an arts uni that had a pretty low subject requirement to enroll, and from there I studied curation and…… uhh, you don’t really know what that is huh. Hmm. Since your way of speaking is so mature, I keep forgetting I need to explain myself properly……

Amane: It’s fine. If there are any words I don’t understand I can look them up later. An arts university, though…… Does that mean you’re good at drawing, then? It may be a bit rude to say, but that’s rather unexpected.

Mikoto: No, not really…? I mean, I could do the bare minimum needed to pass the entrance exam though. Even though it’s called an arts uni, there’s still subjects where you don’t need to draw at all. I’m the sort of person who tries to be efficient, so I worked backwards from the job I wanted to get into and chose to study subjects like direction and management~ ……ah, I’ve done it again……

It seems like Mikoto may have a habit of letting of his guard down around Amane and saying too much as a result or as he says it,

"I need to explain myself properly......"

Not explaining himself as properly as he should. Because he starts speaking too casually and a lot because Amane won't stop him and will just listen. Which can lead to him possibly saying some things he shouldn't have-

"Wait, fuck- uh,"

Mikoto (on his last resort if I picot and act like the other guy I can get out of this): Fuck you kid I'll kick your ass don't tell anyone about this-

Amane (understanding the dissociative horrors): . . . You can always come pray with me sometime.

Mikoto: That's stupid. (So stupid of a suggestion that I actually forgot what I was upset about.)

Amane: ... (He may have to die with the doctor.)

Amane hitting him with the let's pray together was the equivalent of that one post that's like I told somebody I was having an episode and they asked if it was a beach episode- or even the are you like for real sad post. It was such an outlandish fucking suggestion it just balanced him right back out. Like that "That's stupid." ws the most blunt and immediate response he's ever had to anything in this series and it greatly amuses me.

Because like sir-

Q.19   Do you believe god exists?

Mikoto: I don’t believe, no. I don’t feel so strongly that I’m gonna deny the possibility but like, what do I gain from believing?

"That's stupid….. If there really is a god, he should just show up and save us. I'd pray to a god like that as much as he wants."

Like still true he's not denying the existence of god outright and still saying his faith is dependent on what that god can do for him first. So again definitely just Mikoto. Like I'm sorry it's just clearly him.

Even down to going save me and then I'll pray to you aligning directly with his-

"But like, what do I gain from believing?"

All of that self doubt and insecurity throughout MeMe is fully attached to boku meanwhile Double does only use ore. However in the case of Double that is blatantly stated to be a conversation between the surface and the underneath.

Source: Maristelina

This timeline also seems to begin in the middle of a conversation not at the beginning of it. Since I doubt Amane would start a conversation with Mikoto asking who he is.

Outside of that the beginning of this timeline mirrors the end of Amane's one with Mahiru,

23/01/17 (Mahiru’s Birthday)

Amane: Happy birthday. Mahiru-san. How is your body feeling?

Mahiru: ……ah, Amane-chan. Thank you. Yeah, I’m fine. Now I can move around if I use a wheelchair…… It’s all thanks to Shidou-san looking after me……

Amane: I’ll give you one warning. The two of you are dabbling in something tabooed. If you continue to go against the way of nature like this, you’ll just bring an early death upon yourself. Think hard about this.

Mahiru: Amane-chan……? Are you really Amane-chan……?

Also Amane unlike Mikoto when it came to Kazui's timeline where he didn't wish him happy birthday isn't impolite. So this conversation probably began with her wishing him happy birthday and they cut past this to here.

It would also align with Amane's recruiting habits as she went up to Futa and propositioned him on his birthday as well. Using his the day it was as a pretense of sorts.

22/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Futa: Ahh…… I’m not wrong…… I wasn’t doing anything wrong……Shut up, why are you going on an on about something so minor…… It has nothing to do with you…… Aaahhh……

Amane: Oh, were you talking to yourself, Futa-san? Or maybe there’s something there you’re able to see?

Futa: ……! O-oh, it’s just you. It’s nothing. ……but well, on that note. Hey. Don’t you have anything happening too? Since being in here, just suddenly getting anxious. Feeling as though loads of people are all there condemning you, telling you you were wrong.

Amane: ……I’m fine. I don’t know what you’ve done or what it is you’re worried about, but I think if there’s something you believe in, you should stay true to it. It’s not something that should waver just because other people said something. I personally don’t plan on changing my own beliefs even if I’m told I’m wrong either…… ……today is your birthday, correct? I’ll pray for God to keep you under his care.

23/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Futa: ……! Oi, is it just you. Don’t scare me like that. You shouldn’t just stand there saying nothing. Hah, what? Did you just come to laugh at me for being weak? Dumb brat.

Amane: No. I just came to observe. To see what people are thinking. To see who is being corrupted. What about you, Kajiyama Futa?

Futa: I understand even less of what you’re saying than I did before. Brat, you’re on the side who weren’t forgiven too, right? ……so why can you still stand. Don’t you can hear it too? The voices blaming us. ……I don’t have the energy to do anything like this.

Amane: It goes without saying. Because there’s something far more important than the voices of people we can’t even see. People are able to get back up again. As long as there’s something to guide them. Kajiyama Futa, by coincidence today happens to be your birthday, correct? Don’t you think it’s a good opportunity to be reborn? If, right now, you could shake off those around you trying to drag you down to depravity, and could change––

Since this interaction ended with a similar proposition and Amane has wished Mikoto happy birthday before. Implied in his very first birthday timeline she'd remember it. Just as she remembered Futa's without needing any reminding. So she probably wished him a happy birthday prior to the point we were allowed to listen end.

Making this the tail end of their conversation and why it seems to start so abruptly.

Outside of that there have been some interesting things with time concerning Mikoto's timelines.

The one between him and Kazui was released at five pm JST August 5, 2024 and the one today was put up at seven pm JST. This aligns with the times that Amane and Mikoto state to be up and sleep at during Milgram.

Q.15 What time do you go to sleep and wake up?

Amane: I sleep at 9pm and wake up at 6am.

Q.20 Are you more of a morning person or a night person?

Mikoto: I used to be basically nocturnal. Recently though I’ve been falling asleep pretty early.

Something that conflicts with the timing of his first birthday timeline that from comments that can be seen on that was posted in the middle of the night.

Though this very well could be a manner of time zones and there's no way for me to tell when exactly this was posted. Not for lack of DoctorBunny trying.

But the timeline itself implies it's the middle of the night as well. Not only that but Mikoto (John) was lashing out because Kotoko not wishing Mikoto a happy birthday was troubling Mikoto.

And as we learned trial two-

Q.15 What's something you can't forgive?

Mikoto: THINGS THAT TROUBLE MIKOTO

20/10/07 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Mikoto: ■■…… gh…… Gah…… ■■…… aaa…… nh…… ■…… ■■■■■……!!

Kotoko: …………hm. Have you finally calmed down? Kayano Mikoto.

Kotoko: ………… So you want me to wish you a happy birthday? I don’t really mind, but is that really something for you to be saying to me?

Mikoto: You’re the last person I need to have the whole group. If there was just one person left it’d be bugging me all night and I’d never get to sleep, right? At times like this you have to abandon your pride and just say something, right~?

Kotoko: Ok, here you go. Happy birthday. ……if this is what will help you sleep soundly.

Mikoto: Oh, thanks! Now I don’t need to worry~

Yeah, remember when I said put a pin in that. Okay, time to take that out. This timeline serves to foreshadow Mikoto being unrestrained. Since here Mikoto (John) attacks Kotoko while the first trial is still underway. Something that we learn in trial two the prisoners aren't allowed to do.

"By the way, fighting between the prisoners will be prohibited once you’ve woken up. It’s for the sake of MILGRAM progressing. So relax, and take a breather for the moment. That is to say, anything note-worthy will happen after the end of the second trial."

Jackalope specifically says it's for the sake of Milgram progressing. So, this measure was more than likely in place from the start. Just like the barrier that was meant to protect Es from the prisoners attacking them. It just didn't work on Mikoto (John) because he's not the prisoner.

This also serves to highlight that the portal timelines do have foreshadowing within them that aligns with the information observed from other parts of Milgram Something I feel better highlights the point I'm trying to make. There isn't just one thing that will allow people to know what's going on at a glance when it comes to this series. Milgram is a series that actively rewards viewers for engaging with it.

Trying to keep things simple will just make Milgram into the joke many of the prisoners already believe it to be. Well, there's nothing wrong with a good joke every now and then just try to make sure it isn't on you though.

It's like the series said from the start-

“UNDER” Which way will you throw down your weight? To be the deceived, or the deceiver.

It's up to the audience how far this goes. Backing out is always an option but if the audience is unthinking then the only destination from here is hell. And a lot of those innocent verdicts were done with very little thought weren't they?

[jintaka-hane]

¡hola! Jintaka

How are you today? I'm sending you positives vibes for your day. Love you 💞

¡Hola!

AAAAAAAAA!!! Not only did you write 'hola' in Spanish, but you also used the exclamation mark at the beginning!!!! I love our double exclamation ¡! and question marks ¿? :D Thank you for including them! <3 <3

I'm good, just a bit tired from the week, but it's Friday!!! I had some tense meetings at work today (I kind of work as a mediator between people who are under a lot of stress, *if only I had a huge metal arm to solve problems...*) and I end up exhaaaaaausted. So I really appreciate the good vibes!! I could totally feel them from here!

Have a great weekend, wifey!!!

love you more!!

[prismatic-glow]

daily genshin advice 12/31 - let's talk about guoba and the best 3 star weapons!

welcome everybody to the first post in my new format or whatever. I posted something about this yesterday if you're confused

Today, we'll be talking about the best 3 star weapons and a little secret about Guoba that makes him a lot stronger than you might think

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥

┌── ⋆⋅daily advice: 3 star weapons you should definitely keep⋅⋆ ──┐

╰┈➤ thrilling tales of dragon slayers

thrilling tales of dragons slayers is honestly one of the best weapons in Genshin. Its stat is HP% which is great for quite a few supportive catalysts. And the passive is super broken, especially for something you probably have 542 of. At R5, it grants a whopping 48% attack to the next character you switch in. There are so many characters who scale off of attack and slotting this weapon onto a catalyst support is super easy

╰┈➤ harbringer of dawn

even though its base attack is quite low, it gives you 46.9% crit damage which is already a ton. But when combined with the passive that gives you 28% crit rate when over 90% HP, that's over 102.9 crit value from just a weapon. To make full use of the passive, HOD is best used in teams with shields that can help you maintain over 90% HP

╰┈➤ slingshot

at level 90, slingshot will give you 31.2% crit rate which is quite nice. At R5, the passive can give you 60% damage to a normal or charged attack. The part of its passive that decreases damage by 10% if it doesn't hit an enemy after 0.3s can seem like a massive issue but as long as you're decently close to the enemy it shouldn't be a problem. Slingshot is a great budget option on characters like Yoimiya or Tighnari and can even work on characters who don't use normal/charged attacks just for the crit rate!

┌── ⋆⋅daily tip: guoba's secret mechanic⋅⋆ ──┐

you might have noticed that before Guoba breathes fire, a small exclamation mark appears above his head. In this moment, he is actually infused with Pyro! This means that even if there is no Pyro on the enemies, AoE Anemo attacks like those from Sucrose or Kazuha can actually still swirl Pyro!

This is an important part of some teams like Childe International where Guoba's Pyro imbuement allows you to swirl both Hydro and Pyro in one attack. The Anemo character picks up Hydro from the enemy's aura and Pyro from Guoba's!

You can try this out yourself by using Guoba in an area with no grass or enemies, then using an Anemo attack that absorbs elements such as Sucrose/Kazuha's burst or even the activation of Wanderer's skill while Guoba has the exclamation mark. Even though there aren't any enemies to pick up pyro from, these abilities are still able to absorb Pyro thanks to Guoba's special mechanic!!

┌── ⋆⋅daily update: building Candace⋅⋆ ──┐

If you saw this post, you'll know that after randomly selecting Candace, I'm working on maining her. Yesterday I just did leylines for level up books but today I plan on grabbing some talent materials and getting her ascension mats (I think she uses the berries)

She's sitting at level 40 so there's definitely some work to be done. I hope to get her 90 by Friday but we'll see

That's it for today! Remember to take a break from screens and go outside for a bit if you can! I'll be talking about Xiangling and why she's so strong later today (so i guess it's a xiangling themed day lol)

Asks are open for any questions you have surrounding the type of content you make. Whether it's team advice, build questions, or just general tips, I'm always happy to help!!

[blnk338]

c(u)n(t) 7

"I am doing this because you’ll be fucked up to high heaven" was almost "I am doing this because you'll be fucked to high heaven." Changed due to the worry that people would find it too vulgar. Why? I frankly have no idea, yet, here we are today.

Looking back, I think I most often use the over-the-top affectionate terms for PB constantly because that is his main purpose; a comfort. A lot of Reaper's description of the things in her home used to be riddled with a muddy, jaded feeling, but as she moved to the UK, she has begun to describe her life in more beautiful terms. This also applies to Peanut Butter. He himself is quite literally the color of the sun, his eyes are a bright playful yellow, and he's described to have a "permanent smile." I intentionally chose him to be orange because orange cats are usually the stupidest, sweetest little idiots (though if your cat is of any other color, there is not a muscle in my body that does not a) want to see them and b) know they are terribly sweet).

YOU LOOK LIKE USAGI!” While I'm not sure a ton of people caught it (it's come to my attention that apparently a lot of people haven't seen or heard of the show), Stella likes Sailor Moon.

Claire is important to Reaper because she gets to see someone who looks like her, or rather, dresses like she used to, only this time, this person is happy. I think this derives from my own internal joy when I see emo/goth/alt kids just being happy, because in the time that I was like that, I faced a lot of negativity for just dressing how I wanted to. I put a lot of effort into describing Claire as happy, excitable, and filled with life, but also still a normal anxious teenager because I want people to see alt characters in good lights. While more of those characters are seen in modern pieces of media (ex: Hobie Brown), I still think we need to see more women in those areas.

I changed it, but some may remember that I added double exclamation marks for Stella's remarks-- not a terribly large note, but I used to do it to emphasize how loud she was.

Claire would love Hobie, Stella would love Gwen.

"Feels like shit gets really loud all of a sudden.” Again, something else Reaper and Claire have in common: Sensory overloads.

I changed it all, but in Ghost's pov, I used to respond to Reaper in the third person. I ultimately changed this because it no longer fit with the current iterations of Ghost's POV.

I almost didn't make a comment on the true crime thing because I know people get death threat-y. Even though I don't like the community's fawning over people's deaths and serial killers, I know that there are people who approach the topics politely, with that being said, I don't love it.

“It’s hell.” I believe this is the first time I've ever made Simon actually vulnerable. Instead of shutting Reaper's words down, he fills them in for her; he properly expresses how much agony he's in.

“Was I—was it clear?” Again, another moment of vulnerability from Ghost. He's terrified to do this, he's nervous, he's uncomfortable, it's clear, but it's Reaper and he trusts her.

... Most of the stuff I know about guns is from PUBG...

"One hand rising up, he rubbed the back of his balaclava. Perhaps he could use a trim, too." I was actually going to have a scene where Reaper cuts Ghost's hair but I... forgot LMAO. But I guess that haircut had to happen eventually, huh?

“I don’t think you could handle my stack of documents, Sergeant.” Both an innuendo and a metaphor for Simon himself. It's a bit between the lines, but I attempted to hint at the idea that Simon doubts Reaper would ever be able to, let alone want, to deal with him and his shit.

“I bet it’s just page after page of the same shit I’ve gotta do, what’s the harm in taking a load off, big man?” And it's thrown right back into his face. As in, "no, I can take care of that sort of thing, because it's not a burden to me."

there's a clear sadness when König and Reaper talk to each other, knowing they should've killed each other. It's continued in their conversations as background noise or a prominent topic, the idea that they weren't supposed to be friends. If anything, there's an underlying fear that one day, they might be the reason the other is dead.

Its mentioned briefly, but König likes to draw :)

König actively changes around people. Around Reaper, he lets his walls down. Whether this is because they don't know each other or not, he decides that she is being kind or transparent enough to be trusted with his more awkward side. This also plays into the fact that he's a Colonel (which was information that I didn't have at the time of posting the chapter).

On top of this BB was deemed to be the "squad leader." Even though I'm not changing this, I like to think that König asked BB to hold up that role for the 141 so they would treat him like a regular soldier to see how they would react. In turn, they didn't treat him like shit, and he actively gained a new friend: Reaper.

Originally, there was a push to make König's group more of a boy's club, but that changed after they split up because I felt like it was too girlboss-y of Reaper.

Mind stroll coming to a stop, you turned to look up at Ghost, but his eyes were already on you. “Do you know where we’re going?” Simon was caught staring at Reaper watching the domesticity, yearning to do the same with her. Another in between the lines sort of thing, but hey, it's there.

By this point, Reaper had begun to call Ghost "Big Man" and this is big because Reaper's never shown this kind of affection outwardly to anyone else. She has her own internal nicknames (like Bug Boy), but she doesn't call anyone them to their face. But Reaper loves that Simon is big and this is a big flirting step for her.

"Look up for me." This was WAY more sexual than I realized when I wrote it, but honestly, this is a good way to point out that Simon was super obedient to Reaper. Again, when the hell is he like this with anyone else? WHEN ELSE DOES HE WHIMPER?

Glancing between the two for a second, your lieutenant staring a lot harder than he should have. I think this might've been the most deliberate example of Ghost being jealous of König. I almost included a scene where Ghost asked König to "step back" but I thought it was too Wattpad-esq and hated it LMAO

I typically have Reaper in boxers because they're a) comfy to wear b) good to exercise in and c) pretty GNC. I know some folks aren't comfy with wearing thongs or something (which, believe me, seems fucking awful. Why are writers putting their main female characters in lacy underwear and thongs when they're in the military? That sounds awful!), so I chose a bit more of a comfy example.

Reaper likes doing things in threes. stabbing three times, triple takes, etc.

Reaper knows how to kick down doors bc of her Marine dad.

A lot of Reaper's words are cut short. Ex: "medbay will be quick." This is because she's spent pretty much all of her life in the military.

[the-firebird69]

Trump started a war because he wanted and demanded the key to our son's apartment. And he started it with a pseudo empire that's with the mac daddy Stan Biden and several others and they said no so he started s*** with them and he thought he was going to steal their hardware easily and he started a war and didn't back off he's the one who did it. He's saying it's the empire and it's not it was him. And he would not back off and since he didn't back off it turned into an actual war and now they're out of the perimeter dying and everybody is dying and people that work for him are dying and this morning people say you're doing it for the money there's all this gold over there don't you want gold isn't it like money and he said no it's like if you take it you can sell it for more money than anyone has he says so what you get hurt doing it and get hurt doing what he's doing and his guys will get hurt doing what he's doing and he can collect money and he's stupid so people hate him because that's what he's doing it for is money and money does not work like he thinks he sees our son's money working and he can't figure it out and there's a huge huge a****** to our son he is a massive prick every single time he goes near he's a dick and he loses tons of stuff and doing it then he gets hit himself but for real

Donald Trump said it out loud many times he said whatever it takes even if it takes everything and he's trying to take the pseudo empire hardware and he does not know how to infiltrate he thinks his guys can go inside and he can't go inside stand because of their security systems and the empire is tighter a lot tighter and he is a flat-out broke piece of s*** but really he should be brought up in charges by the pseudo empire and his own he thinks he has a lead on Dave's actual computer program now he's saying it differently when he was full and the program's massive and just because they abandoned some facilities in the system does not mean that they're not doing it what it means is it's a deception and our son and daughter understood it and we knew it before he did say it before he said he's going to drop it get you busy fighting each other and this guy falls for a lot more than that and her son says we need to take it and we are

The white gold is very important in fighting a computer you can pick up all sorts of code and things and we expect to encounter the program and we will feed it to have in the past

Thor Freya

I'm tired of hearing this goofball he's such a loser there's nothing that comes out of him that's not stupid he's sitting there saying these Audrey marks and dumb exclamations voice is he a loser running around town and my husband calls him Captain changaroo he also says it's a good show and it's beneficial to us he's dangerous to him but going does he lose stuff hand over fist

Hera

Hahaha it's supposed to be me and it's not it's this idiot Joel watts and what a f****** a****** he always has been one but boy when it's amplified that he is a piece of s*** and we have to stop him

The Todd

How to get something to get out of me I'm still pushing for you and it didn't work and you should have done something else I started to and I'm back at it and I can't help it and they went really going after us I guess I started it and it's very stupid and people are pushing me into it and he says it's b******* and I'm a little girl it's probably true it says it is true everyone can see so I'm going to take your money cuz you're a little b****

Trump

What's fascinating is he goes on for hours saying who's saying what I mean show him the tape or play the auto audio or something like it stand next to him and say it in the f***** doesn't get it so we have to take him down and that's how it goes everyday every single day this a****** Jerry Chase senior ask for it and guess his ass kicked today is not different

Stan

He has something to do with that cruiser that's sitting there it's not the girl with him now but he has something to do with it and he's saying it and he's a weakling and there's a girl that's missing and the police are taking notice of it and our son asks whose it was he accidentally touched the handlebar and Trump is saying he's trying to convict our son of something and people know whose bike it is and they're going to go after him

Thor Freya

Olympus

F*** you Trump

Zues Hera

I'll say this if they go after me and so on I understand something I'm pointing out the bike and pointing it out that I did something and I'm threatening people Trump says

We're going after you for it and we know whose bike it is and you're going to regret ever doing something to her

Concerned parties

[askthechronoverse]

Chapter Three: Walking With a Ghost ?

Last Chapter •||• Next Chapter

"Princess, we need to go now. There's no time to help them." The monotone of her advisor was gone, replaced with a frantic panic she never thought she'd hear from the brick.

The reason for this response was that Unikitty kept looking back, Richard sometimes dragging her along with invisible hands that were somehow shaking. Puppycorn was close by her side, clearly terrified by what he was seeing.

"Will we be OK, Rick?" The puppy jumped as a watering can building sank into the ground, swallowed by a large, dark hole.

"We will. We just need to get to the castle. If we get to the castle, I can protect you." The oldest of the three was doing his best to keep things together. He kept his eyes on the castle, trying to ignore the world disappearing around them. Maybe he was hoping to lead by example? They could hear robotic limbs struggling to fight against an unknown and invisible target.

She couldn't help it. Unikitty had to look back again. She was rewarded for this action by watching Doctor Fox in a mech suit made of random, haphazardly chosen pieces of the unraveling world cling to the side of one of the holes. She looked down at the seemingly bottomless pit with both fear and her usual scientific curiosity. Unikitty tried to get out of Richard's telekinetic grasp.

"Princess! You can't save them! Please, keep moving!" Her advisor started to sound even more frantic. "You need to listen to me!" He pulled her and her brother along as Doctor Fox fell into the void, face almost looking like she was going on the next adventure than falling to her death.

The cat bolted awake. Why were these dreams getting more frequent now? Emmet couldn't come soon enough, she felt. How long did it take to get from Syspocalypstar to the Unikingdom, anyway? That may be something to ask her space explorer friend later.

The dreams reminded her a lot of Armommageddeon. The holes in the world dropping to seemingly nothing, the darkened sky… the fear. But she didn't know Richard, Doctor Fox, or Puppycorn until after Armommageddeon happened and Rex was ultimately defeated and, she supposed, had faked his own death to figure his life out. Today, she needed to talk to Richard. He kept showing up in her dreams and daydreams, scared or even flat out dead. He was important, most likely key to the whole thing. She just needed to actually find him. Why was it so hard to find a single grey brick?

She flew through the castle, looking for him. Her travels took her to Hawkodile's treehouse, where the bodyguard and Doctor Fox were helping Rex unload pumpkins from his truck. Well, Hawkodile was helping with the heavy lifting. Doctor Fox sat in the truck bed, occasionally rolling a pumpkin to one of them.

"... may actually have a corn harvest later. I could let you guys have corn stalks as well, if ya need those."

"That would be delightful! We could really get the castle decorated for Halloween with those!" Doctor Fox leaned against the side of the bed, eyes gleaming. "Are you going to come over and join us in telling scary stories?"

"Maybe. I'll haveta think of something that ain't my own backstory to tell, though." Rex was clearly teasing, but Unikitty knew that story and she couldn't help but feel bad for the guy. At least he was no longer fully burdened by his tortured past. "Ya know who's idea that was? None of you guys look like the type to just sit around and tell stories to scare each other."

"It was Richard's idea. I never thought he was the type to enjoy that kind of thing, but he was insistent." Doctor Fox shrugged.

"That brick's just full of surprises, huh? Hey, Princess. Ya gonna join us and help or just watch?" An exclamation mark appeared over Unikitty's head. How did Rex do that? Was he just that aware of his surroundings?

"Uh… sure!" She flew over to the trio as they resumed their conversation about Halloween plans.

"He wants us to wear costumes too. Sounds fun, if I'm being honest. Can't remember the last time I wore a costume for something that wasn't a stealth mission." Hawkodile shrugged.

"I think it's kind of childish, but it still could be a good time. We could wait until Puppycorn is asleep and *really* have some fun with the stories we tell." Doctor Fox smirked as she rolled a particularly large pumpkin to Rex and Hawkodile.

"I could ask a friend of mine to bring some Apocalypseburgian ale with him when he comes to visit. I hear that stuff is out of this world." Rex looked the pumpkin over, trying to remember how he got the thing in the truck in the first place.

"Both literally and figuratively speaking?" Doctor Fox grinned wider as Rex laughed, lifting the pumpkin with Hawkodile's help.

"It's definitely gonna be better than not having any at all. There's a reason we gotta import alcohol from the greater Systar System." Hawkodile shook his head. "Bro, you're the guy living out in the middle of nowhere and off the grid. Ya gotta start learning to make moonshine or something."

"I'd be worried I'd kill the three of us. Makin' that stuff is borderline chemistry. I ain't a scientist." Rex glanced at Doctor Fox as he said this. "Now, if I grew the hops and knew a super talented scientist who is smart enough to make sure I didn't do it wrong…"

"That isn't going to happen, RJ. Richard'll freak if he saw that kind of equipment in my lab. Actually, it's strange. He lets me really push the envelope when it comes to scientific law, but when I suggest something that could be considered even remotely more adult, like distillery equipment, he digs his non-existent heels in the dirt." Doctor Fox rolled her eyes. "There are other reasons to use that kind of equipment outside of the production of alcoholic beverages but he won't hear it."

"I get trying to not do adult things around Puppycorn because he's ten years old, but he's the only kid we hang out with. Unless my thoughts about ya are correct, Dangervest, and you're really two super powered kids in a trenchcoat." Hawkodile added, sounding frustrated by the restrictions himself.

"Holy crap. Is that a joke from Mr. Serious?" Rex laughed that almost pure hearted laugh of his.

Unikitty was silent throughout the conversation. Hawkodile's theory about Richard's motives made sense, so she had to move on to a more jarring point.

Puppycorn was ten years old.

Unikitty was in her 20's, and Puppycorn was ten years old.

Why did Queen Wa'nabi think that giving her a "brother" over a decade younger than her was a good idea? That made no sense.

"Princess? Ya feelin' OK? Ya look like you're seein' a ghost. If it's Vitruvius, tell him I miss him." Rex's voice dropped the toughness it usually held with the last sentence.

"No. It isn't that. Do you guys still need me? I have to go find someone." Unikitty bolted before anyone could say anything else.

Her search for her advisor picked up again in earnest. Richard had a direct line to Queen Wa'nabi. She could answer the questions she was starting to have about Puppycorn. Nothing about the kid made sense. She had an almost instant connection with him when they first met, but she knew she never met him. It was the same with Doctor Fox and Hawkodile: there was a strange connection that made them become fast friends. The only person she didn't have that connection with was, oddly enough, Richard. They were friendly enough, but he kept to the background whenever possible. Sure, he was starting to warm up to Rex, but everyone else? He was distant. He wouldn't socialize with the others unless he had to.

He even stayed in the cabin while everyone else fought for the kingdom's freedom. Why didn't that occur to her before now? Even Puppycorn fought from the window with his spellcasting. If he was supposed to be loyal to the crown and kingdom, he could have at least contributed, right? She glanced at her three older friends and saw Rex hold his side as he spoke, laughing like he wasn't in pain. Even the Master Breaker, who barely held a stake in the outcome, fought for the good of the kingdom and was still suffering as a result of that bravery. Richard only appeared when the threat was neutralized and the battle was won. Just another question to ask the brick if she ever found him.

I lost my friend, Richard. I'm so sorry, Richard!

She was sobbing almost exaggeratedly over the coffin. If there was anything spoken while she sobbed, it couldn't be heard over the sobbing and the sounds of what again felt like multiple stations broadcasting on the same frequency, a cacophony of sound…

That scared the cat back to reality. She was standing in her throne room, the knowledge of how she got there lost to her. She sat at her throne and shook her head, head in her pawss. What were these visions? Why was she seeing all this now?

She took a deep breath. No. Push it down. It can't bother you if you push it down deep inside.

Where was her advisor? Why was he so hard to find now that he actually needed him?

As she sat on the throne, Rex and Hawkodile finally caught up with her. They were carrying a large pumpkin each, talking about karate and what training was going to look like in the winter months. Rex saw Unikitty and waited until Hawkodile was gone to address her.

"Look. I know I still probably have a lot to prove here, but I hate ta see ya like this. Ya said it was dreams givin' ya a hard time, right?" She nodded. "I'm sure Emmet's got better advice, but… Dreams could mean a lot of things. Remember: you're talkin' to the man who doesn't sleep because of his dreams. I know all about 'em." Unikitty just nodded again. "I get it. Ya don't wanna talk about it. Just keep in mind that, right now, you're safe. The dream can't hurt you. It's something I gotta learn myself." Rex turned to go help with the pumpkins.

"Wait. Just… wait." Unikitty frowned, getting off of the throne and walking towards him. "I know… you won't understand what I want to ask Emmet anymore. You don't… have those kinds of dreams. But what would you do if… if you get dreams about the world ending?"

"Now that's… it makes sense you're so stressed out, Princess. Now, I'm gonna be real and say I'd probably assume it's stress and just stop sleepin'. But, I'm gonna give some real advice. Find out exactly what kind of dream ya got. If it's a stress dream, go relax. If it's a dream about the future, prepare for the worst and hope for the best." He shoved his hands in his pocket. "It could also be like what I have: a dream about your past. I think Queen Wa'nabi helps people who were traumatized by Armommageddeon."

"Right. I'll keep that in mind, RJ. I really don't think it's about my past, though. It doesn't make sense for it to be my past." Unikitty shrugged. "But thanks for the advice. You're starting to sound like Emmet."

"Hey now. Let's not talk like that. I may haveta stop hanging out with him… though he gets lonely without me." The two friends soon parted ways, but not before Rex and Hawkodile finished delivering the pumpkins to the castle.

Meanwhile, two large eyes in the darkness seemed to collapse into a stressed calmness. Good. This was working out well.

[traceemerald]

-January 8th, Factory Tyrant's Journal, Entry 20-

I'm going to start today by making a network tool (AE2), which lets me see what stuff I have connected to my network, and how much power it's using.

I'm making this now because if my network breaks later, a network tool should help me fix it, not that I'm planning to break my network.

A network tool also lets me see through cable facades (AE2), which basically let me apply any block face I want to ME cables, which is useful for hiding them in the floor (unfortunately I don't get a speed boost when walking over concrete facades).

I already made some cable facades earlier, but didn't mention it because they don't really do much.

Anyway, I'd like to make a thermal centrifuge (IC2) so I can squeeze a little more metal out of my ores (I'll also be able to process uranium with this, but that's more of a bonus feature).

Thermal centrifuges have 2 main purposes, first is as the semifinal step in ore processing (last one is furnace), and second is recycling used nuclear fuel (I don't have any).

They can also be used for some other miscellaneous recipes, but the only useful one is turning (non-Railcraft) slag into coal dust and small amounts of gold.

Normally that also wouldn't be useful because IC2 slag comes from IC2 blast furnaces, but TCR also lets me use Thermal Foundation slag, which I can get by smelting gravel.

Anyway, I've made a thermal centrifuge, which (if I remember correctly) is even slower than an ore washing plant.

Before I use this for anything, I'm going to make a few more machines, those being a thermal washer (Advanced Machines, basically a better ore washing plant) and 2 electric sorting machines (IC2, sorts items).

One annoying thing about crafting a thermal washer is that, despite Railcraft and Thermal Foundation adding sulfur, I have to use IC2 sulfur for some reason, this is the only sulfur recipe that requires a specific kind of sulfur.

Anyway, I've made the machines, so now it's time for me to tear down my old ore processor so I can use the parts to make a new one.

Here's a picture of the new one.

There are 3 new things here that I don't think I've talked about yet, the MV-transformer connected to the wire that extends off-screen (safely converts tier 3 power to tier 2 power, mostly just used so that if I get tier 3 power the more expensive stuff doesn't break), the LV-transformer down by the pump (safely converts tier 2 power to tier 1 power), and the DirtChest 9000! from Iron Chests (can hold 1 stack of dirt and nothing else, the exclamation mark is actually part of the name).

Honestly, I think the DirtChest 9000! is more of a meme addition, but if I put it on top of a hopper, the hopper won't try to pick up items from the world, it will only check the DirtChest 9000!'s 1 item slot, which is good for reducing lag (same can be done with composters in vanilla 1.14+), although I don't think I'm using enough hoppers for this to make even an unnoticeable difference.

Also, the MV-transformer will explode if it receives tier 4 power, which will cause my ore processor to stop working due to not being powered anymore, but I think that's preferable over the entire ore processor breaking and needing to be replaced.

One problem I've noticed with my new ore processor now that I'm testing it is that it uses a lot more power (which I should have expected), which means I'll need to craft more generators.

I'll do that next time.

-End Journal Entry 20-

[gingertomcat]

Man this is such a hard question.

It legitimately has made me think about the way I talk to people.

A lot of people in the tags say things like "I don't initiate but I love talking to people!", Why is that? I'm the same, my job involves lots of talking to people but either they come up and chat or I have a sort of script that I follow, it takes a lot of effort to come up with an opening topic that's big enough to facilitate a conversation but small enough to not scare the other person. (I love talking about the weather for this very reason, god bless the UK (/s))

The question this raises is what are we all afraid of? And more importantly, why are we afraid of it? The answer to the first is, I think, the classic mental health response of rejection, embarrassment and social isolation. But why then, in a social structure where rejection and embarrassment is statistically inevitable, do we fear it so much? I remember the kurzegezagt video about loneliness mentioning the animal response in humans and that the pain you feel when you get lonely and rejected is your mind and body craving social interaction as a hangover from when humans needed to be sociable in order to survive but even then, I feel the sensitivity to rejection today is amplified.

Aside: oh god this is where capitalism comes into it isn't it?

Some might argue that the feeling comes from the sense of individualism that is par for the course in a capitalist society. That individualism also gave way to the Thatcher and Reagan era stranger danger campaigns which made talking to strangers seem unsafe. I think there could have been a concerted push from the right to make everyone scared of each other so that we were less likely to organise into communities and organise against the upper classes.

My instinctive answer to the question was "depends on if they're strangers or friends/family" because I wouldn't normally initiate a conversation with a stranger unless it was absolutely necessary.

That's another key point, "absolutely necessary". Perhaps my fear of interaction stems not from my own embarrassment but from the fear of inconveniencing someone else. How many conversations have I started with strangers that began with "sorry to bother you"? How many emails have I finished with "hope this is alright!", with the exclamation mark added for extra friendliness so that the other person doesn't think I'm making unreasonable demands of them.

I often joke that my nan is like the black Knight in monty python, she'd be missing an arm and when asked what happened and why she didn't inform us of it sooner she'd reply, "tis but a flesh wound!", or more likely "I didn't want to bother you with that, I'm fine!" Obviously I'm being hyperbolic but I feel if this goes on much longer I'll end up the same way.

I don't know how to end this tbh, this got to be far longer than I intended but it's relevant nonetheless. If anyone has any comments they'd like to make or questions please ask, there must be an answer to this and maybe one day we'll all overcome it together!

Question prompted by this tweet I just saw

[uwusillygirl]

Hiiiii! Normal ppl anon back again bc I wanted to say Spotify recommended me we'll never have sex by Leith Ross today and I only realised it was where depollute me, pretty baby was from near the end but felt very much like a video game character - like an exclamation mark appeared above my head as my brain went oh! First one's free! I had to listen to it a second time, properly paying attention to the lyrics and now I'm utterly obsessed, have been listening to it on repeat all day. It's such a beautiful song, just so lovely and warm, but also holy shit the fof of it all (I mean, I know you beat me to the mark in that so I'm preaching to the converted here but you look perfect, you look different I can't.)

But ALSO, I got here to say hi and saw you liked worst person in the world and wanted to gush because it's possibly my favourite film I've seen this year but none of my friends went to see it so I haven't talked to anyone abt it. If you'd like, I'd love to hear your opinions on it!! I felt so ridiculously moved by it, I had this heaviness in my chest for weeks after seeing it and found myself constantly thinking about it in quiet moments. Not to make everything abt me but I feel like I'm at a point where I'm trying to figure out who I am and spending more time alone and so the whole journey Julie went on resonated a lot and I think it captured the feeling of this age and point in life so perfectly.

Beyond the personal, I loved the use of chapters and narration and explicitly fantastical elements that kind of aim to remind you you're watching a film (I feel like films that you can "get lost in" and "forget you're watching a film" get a lot of praise and I'm not against that but also a story's power isn't necessarily diminished for your knowing it isn't really happening). And the way the two of them not cheating together at the start is somehow the sexiest, most fun and intimate thing ever committed to film and (to bring this back round to fof so I don't get accused of just using this as an excuse to be self-indulgent and talk abt a film I like even tho that's exactly what I'm doing) I'm vibing with the idea of Eddie and Chrissy sharing a cigarette like that absolutely iconic shot from the film.

ALSO ALSO (bc I can't shut up) the single sentence you posted from the fof wip has been living rent free

hi again sweet normal people anon!!! such a fun juicy question to pick at while i’m at the nail salon today hehe

that video game character realization bit is TOO funny!!! i love that song, highly recommend their album Motherwell also!!! such a good songwriter!!!

LOVE your thoughts on worst person in the world! i felt the same! honestly i thought it was good when i first watched it but didn’t necessarily feel like my mind was blown or anything, but then i just could not fucking stop thinking about it… sneakily impactful.

i totally understand what you’re saying! and you’re welcome to make it about you! that’s all good!

those are such great thoughts, truly. i feel like it’s such an interesting thing to see which of Julie’s partners we end up being more attached to… it sounds like you really resonate w the second (understandably!!!) and i really resonate with the first!!! (but that not cheating bit is TRULY so fun and raw and honest!)

as for the wip >:-) ty i am hoping to spend some proper time on it soon!!!!

[sugarmapleships]

So I've been making a couple of imagines posts here and there and the one thing that brings me the greatest joy is seeing people talk about their ships in the tags! I'm bringing this up because I never talk about my own ship in the tags when I reblog, partially because I'm worried about bothering someone.

But it brings me so much joy to see other people do it! Part of why I make those posts is so that I can see people having fun with their ship! I love seeing people in love! It's okay to not be comfortable talking about your ship(s), but I've been trying to push myself out of my comfort zone more! I want to be more involved in this community!

So I'm putting this out there as a reminder to myself (and possibly to others) to just talk more about ships in the tags! I want to get to know people and I want people to get to know me. I'm shy, yes, but I think this is a good step for me!

[kkoraki]

cybzilla replied to your photo “So a few of you already knew about this but a couple of weeks before...”

Congratulations!!!! I'm sure you have more than earned this, and I hope you have a great time working on it!!

:DD Thank you! I’m sure I will! I was in class with the two other students who I’ll be working with and they’re both great people with cool art and Skills and the main supervising professor is probably my favorite faculty member in my major and a really cool guy so I cannot WAIT to get started!!

[twosroos]

All Grown Up [ch. 11]

roos says ! holy SHIT college is kicking my ass, and fuck u tumblr for breaking on me so i couldn't post this on time >:(! luckily I only have two (TWO??) weeks until I'm home (thank u ten week semesters), and you can expect a lot more soon (and, the stardust rb challenge will be updated then too!)

desc ! you prep for the party, learn a bit more about bob, fight with asher, and finally greet your dad when he returns from a trip. It's the calm before the storm, a huge storm.

notable characters: robert "bob" floyd, natasha "phoenix" trace, bradley "rooster" bradshaw

tws !! MANNNYYY implications of past sex, hickeys, arguments, cursing, mentions of past drinking/underage drinking !

ao3 link ! last chapter ! next chapter !

Waking up the next day, you felt the bed lift as someone stood, and peeked over to see Bob tugging on a t-shirt. He must've pulled it out of the suitcase he had resting against your wall, and you slowly lifted your head and half-heartedly turned it as you checked the time on your alarm clock. Subconsciously, you groan at the realization you should probably be getting up. If you weren't up soon, your mom would wonder where you'd ended up. You really didn't need her finding you half-naked in bed. 

Christ, where were your pajama bottoms? And when did you put Bob's shirt on? What had even happened between the barn and your bed? 

"Fuck." You curse when you roll over to stand. For no clearly discernable reason, your lower half is genuinely aching and you can't tell exactly which event from the day before was causing it. Bob turns at your soft exclamation, wiping what you think is some of your lipstick off his jaw. Oh christ, you think to yourself, because the action had no reason to be as hot as it was.

"Sorry." He jokes and you sit up just enough to chuck a pillow at him from where you lay. Slyly grinning, he pretends the pillow was thrown a lot harder than you had actually thrown it and stumbles back to 'fall' against your closed bathroom door. Snorting, you eventually get off the bed and find your pajamas not far away. While you get dressed, you hear the sink in the bathroom turn on, so you take a moment to attempt to stretch out your legs. It feels a bit better, but you'll probably pop a Tylenol just to make sure you can help out today.

When you get into the bathroom behind Bob, he's spitting out his toothpaste into your sink, so you grab your essentials for getting ready in the morning. You hip-bump him aside to brush your teeth, and one hand reaches to your collar as grab your perfume to spritz a bit on your neck, and shit-- those marks were dark.

"Got a bit carried away, huh?" You tease, knowing you luckily have a decently full-coverage bathing suit you can throw on for the party that will cover most of them. Bob wraps his arms lazily around you and hides his face in the warmth of your neck. 

"Sorry not sorry." he pecks kisses on your neck, grinning against you. He soaks it in, deep breaths against your skin. You can't find it in yourself to be angry, especially when you see a red line down his arm from your nails, most likely. An eye for an eye, or whatever.

"Is this going to become a constant?" You murmur as you run the toothbrush under water for the second time before lifting it to your lips, "I could get used to this."

"Don't get too comfy." Bob sighs, and though he doesn't say it you know what he means. He's leaving for the Navy soon. Regardless of if you wanted him to or not. It stings to know. 

“Let’s not think of that.” you muse to him, leaning back into his skin as you keep brushing your teeth. He gently kisses your jawline, innocently wrapping you tighter in his arms. But you know it's a subconscious hope of keeping you close to him. You try not to think about it.

“Okay,” he whispers. And you both end up standing there for a while, silent breathing, staring at yourselves and each other in the mirror while he smiles contently. 

"I also probably marked up your thighs." Bob says and you groan, making him snort as he finally detaches from you to grab his toiletries bag and shuffle through it, "Hey! You're equally at fault here!"

"I'm gonna steal your breakfast as revenge." You chime, spitting out your toothpaste and then rinsing your mouth as Bob rolls his eyes and grabs deodorant.

"Sure you will, Rhinestone." He smiles at you and you chuckle, grabbing a hair tie from your drawer. 

You rock back and forth, tossing your hair into a low ponytail. You're gonna end up with your hat on at some point today, so doing a cute updo would be pointless, you chime after a lightbulb flicks on above your head-- metaphorically, "Do I have a callsign now?"

"Kinda." Bob shrugs, "I'm tryna figure out what I wanna call you."

"Call me anything but sugar." Your voice comes out a bit harsher than you mean, it's got a bite to it that makes Bob blink. The last time you'd bit words at him was in the barn his first day here, so you shake it off and sigh, "It's just what Mike used to call me, is all."

"I'll make something better, then." He gently wraps an arm around you, pressing your forehead to his lips as he sighs, "Fuck that guy, right?"

"Yeah," You laugh, "fuck that guy."

You lean up to plant a soft kiss on his lips, the different mints of your kinds of toothpaste colliding. Spearmint versus wintergreen. He smiles, taking you fully into his embrace and tucking your head under his. You don't question the random hug, lord knows you need it, so you relax into the scent of pine and... oil, you think, that drifts off his shirt. But then,

"Hey! Are y'all awake or do I need to shield my eyes comin' in here?" Rooster shouts, knocking on your door, "I don't really wanna see any nudity!"

"We're dressed, Bradshaw!" Bob shouts, stepping back and rolling his eyes. The door slides open and in walks, none other than Bradley Bradshaw with his classic little strut and smile as Bob pops out of your bathroom. You turn to make sure you look decent. You'll probably just throw on your jeans and a pair of boots after breakfast. 

"Got back a little late last night, hm?" he teases and Bob shoves him, the two fake arguing for a bit while you snicker to yourself in the bathroom as you slide open the mirror and pop a Tylenol on your mouth. Once you get the mirror to shut, you pop out, holding the Tylenol between your teeth.

"None of your business, Bradshaw." You sing-song. Smiling, you find yourself laughing softly as you adjust Bob's shirt on your frame. amake your way around the bed to a water bottle, which you happily open and down half of to swallow the pill in your mouth.

"Savannah made us breakfast, apparently today we're cleaning out one of the garages and the closest barn to the house for the party. Get ready for some heavy lifting, Bob." Rooster grins, lips curled into a somewhat sly grin as he crosses his arms and leans against the base of your sliding door.

"Why're you smiling at me like that?" You grin, crossing your arms, knowing Rooster's doing nothing but teasing for the sake of it. Honestly, it reminds you of how Asher had been when he was in high school. It makes you miss those days

"Nothing. Just didn't know you went to Topgun at some point, Rhinestone." He shrugs as he walks out the door and you laugh. when your eyes meet Bob, he shrugs.

"It looks better on you. Now c'mon, I miss your mom's cooking."

--

Breakfast couldn't have gone worse, in your opinion. Your mom is stressing the whole time, asking everyone various questions you can't even keep track of as she tries to decide where everything's going to go as if she won't decide on the same exact setup from the past five years.

Once everyone's shoveled about a days worth of food into their mouths, the pilots are sent down to the basement with Jenny and Tom (Bob's mom and step-dad) to organize and move boxes, the Kazansky's and the Bradshaw's help in the kitchen while Maverick and Penny help Avalon with setting up the outdoor bar, and you trail behind Giselle and Robyn with a broom as you go to the barn that housed garden equipment to sweep it out and relocate the equipment for your mother's small garden to a barn a bit further in on the property.

You're about halfway done when Phoenix and Rooster appear, telling you that'd been sent away by Asher since he didn't need that many people in the basement. You nod and decide then that you're going take a short break while Giselle and Robyn are reorganizing the other barn to fit the tractor you sit upon. The old John Deere has been in your family since you were in elementary school, you had no idea how the old green thing still ran.

"So, while we were cleaning the basement out we found a photo album from when you were in high school," Rooster says, "You had a bunch of pictures of you and Bob doin' things and we realized, well, we know basically nothing about him."

"Really?" You ask, and both pilots in front of you nod, "he's said nothing?"

"All we really know is that he missed you like hell, you were super important to him, his dad was out of the picture, and he had a younger sister." Phoenix says, "I know a bit more, but he swore me to secrecy, so, no telling."

"So, how'd he tell you about all you guys know?"

"Well, the first two were because he'd never shut the hell up about you once we got him on the topic of friends back home." Rooster laughs softly, shaking his head, "It's still the most I've seen him talk at once. And we found out about his dad on father's day, and his sister on her birthday because apparently, she thinks Phoenix is super cool, and wanted to FaceTime her for her birthday."

"I keep hearing that he'd never shut up about me, was it that bad?" You swirl the water bottle in your hand, kicking some dirt off your boot like you were an idling character.

"For me, yes," Phoenix deadpans, but the small smile that quirks up on her lips tells you otherwise, "but honestly, it wasn't awful, he just spewed about how much he missed you and wanted to talk to you. He originally said he couldn't because of the time zone difference, but he confessed to me a lot when we crashed."

"How are you after that crash, Phoenix? I know it shook him up a lot." You ask and she shrugs.

"Well, we didn't die, so I'm grateful for that. But I don't think I'll be able to get the image of him up in that tree, literally begging me to come and find you if he died, out of my head." She sighs, "It's part of the job, you sign up knowing it could happen to you, or anyone you know, but it sucks regardless."

"I can't imagine it." You sigh. but before the conversation can lull into an awkward silence, Phoenix switches the topic back.

"But, what was Bob like in high school? any crazy stories?"

"Not really." You laugh, "he was in the marching band, and he played the saxophone. He was drum major the same year I was cheer captain. He used to bull ride, often, but not competitively. He drank quite often, sometimes we snuck it into football games for the hell of it. No one found out, and if they did, I doubt they cared. We didn't share it, half the time we didn't even drink it."

"So... and forgive me if this is kinda rude," Rooster takes a swig of his water, "if you guys were so close... why didn't you stay in touch?"

"It's really my fault." You lean on your legs, elbows pressing red marks into your skin, "I was mad at him for something he did right before he left. I didn't want to reach out because I felt... used, I guess? I became bitter, and then he became bitter in response, and we never communicated why. Plus, it wasn't like I could've called him after he left. He didn't have a cellphone in basic."

"He said something similar. He said he fucked up something right before he left, paraphrasing." Phoenix hums, adjusting the baseball cap on her head, "He told me, and Bradshaw, you do not repeat this to anyone--"

"-- Yes, Ma'am." He mocks a salute, but you could tell he was being genuine.

"He told me that he was afraid that if you talked again, he'd quit the Navy to be with you."

Your heart stops, your brain short-circuiting as you struggle to comprehend the fact that Robby would've dropped everything he loved just to be with you. Just to be with you.

"I--" You go to say something, but Giselle coming back with a declaration of a clean barn to start moving things into takes you off guard. And the conversation is lost like a flame blown out by an open window.

--

You end up with Asher in the basement later that day, after lunch. You've changed into a high-collar tank top of your own, with jean shorts. One outlier hickey pokes out on your thigh from under the shorts. Luckily most down there were lighter and would probably fade within a few days if you used a few tricks from your college days to help out.

Asher has been eyeing it the whole time you've been helping him dust and vacuum the room. You're getting sick of his peeking eyes, so you use the one way to shut him up that pops into your head. It's also the dumbest way for you to do this.

"It's a hickey." You turn to your brother, pausing the vacuum, "Happy?"

"Where'd you get it?" 

"Where do you think?" you bite back and Asher scoffs, when you go to turn the vacuum back on, he grabs your wrist and pulls you to him. The feeling of your past injury being roughhoused makes you panic, tearing yourself back from your brother when he starts to fade into Mike in your mind.

"Are you serious? Y/n, are you fucking kidding me?"

"It's literally none of your business!" You groan, "I'm a grown adult!"

"We just talked about you doing the opposite of this!" Asher slams down the duster he's holding on the desk, and it takes everything in you to swallow the jump.

"Okay?" You say, knowing it's childish for you to have completely turned on the plan you'd made, but also, why did it matter? 

"No! Not okay! You're being fucking stupid! Just like how you were with Mike! Naive, and weak!" Asher pinches his nose, and you grip the vacuum with two hands, trying to hide your trembling grip.

"What the hell are you implying here?" you snip, voice soft.

Asher turns on his heel to fully face you and narrows his eyes, "Aren't men in the military known for cheating? Do you wanna go through all this again? If you do, fine, be stupid, but don't come crying to me."

"Robby's not like that, Asher, you know that." You whisper and your brother narrows his eyes,

"They're all like that, and they take advantage of stupid people like you!" he shouts, and the dishes clinking in the kitchen stopped, but the water still runs. 

"fuck you." You whisper, and Asher scoffs again, storming out of the basement before you can even find the words to try and defend yourself. You turn to the vacuum and turn it on, forcing it forward with a harsh shove as you bite back tears.

You end up skipping dinner, saying you can't sit across from Asher when your mother asks why. She brings you down a plate and you sit on the couch in the basement, shoveling mashed potatoes and whatever chicken dish she'd made into your mouth as you try and block out your brother's biting words.

--

You crawl into your bed, laying face first on the pillows, still in your jeans. You'd excused yourself much earlier than usual, slipping away from the bonfire Carole had helped Sarah and your mom set up. A few seconds later, you hear the sliding door to your room squeak open and shut, and Bob sits down on your bed.

"What's the matter?" He murmurs and you glance up at him.

"Got in an argument with Asher." You sigh, "and it's fuckin' eatin' at me."

"Oh, baby, I'm sorry." Bob lays down, bringing a hand to push your hair back from your face, "do you wanna talk about it?"

"Not really." You sigh, "though, Phoenix and I talked today about uh, about how the two of us were in high school. You and I. I told her and Rooster some stories."

"She told me she talked to you." He smiles, "didn't know you felt the same way I did when I left."

"Didn't know that 'bout you either, Robby." You sigh, scooting a bit closer so he can comfortably wrap you into his arms. The two of you lay there for a while in silence, breaths sharing the oxygen you pull from your cracked window.

"I think we were both mad about losing... this, after the kiss." he speaks softly, his eyes staring up at your poster-covered ceiling, "and that's my fault."

"Hey, don't completely blame yourself. I also didn't reach out after." You blink up at him, "we both kinda fumbled the ball there."

"Restart on that regard then?" he says, "because I don't think I can love someone more than I love you if I'm honest."

"I'm gonna agree with you there," you giggle and he smiles, bringing your lips to his in a gentle kiss. Almost like sealing the agreement. You don't mind kissing back if it means you sign your name on the agreement too.

--

The next day, luckily, is a lot easier. If you ignore the fact you aren't talking to Asher at all. And, luckily, it's easy to ignore, because your Dad is finally home, with your cousins, aunts, and uncles from New Jersey in tow. But even after greeting them, you find you only really care about pulling your dad into a tight hug.

"Hey, princess." He whispers, squeezing you back, "how's it been here?"

"Good. Everything's been good." You smile, and it's not exactly a lie. As the two of you talk, Bob is sitting with Phoenix at the table, when your dad finally spots him.

"Floyd!" He shouts and Bob smiles, pushing out his chair and standing to greet your father with a hug and a handshake.

"How're you, Liam?" he asks your dad and he shrugs.

"Better than I was a year ago now that I've got my stint." He smacks Bob's shoulder before leaning in, "Don't think I'm missin' the way you're looking at her. You finally grew some balls to flirt with her, eh Floyd?”

Phoenix nearly spits out her drink after that and you're smacking your Dad's arms to get him to go away as you laugh. Your father means no harm, Bob knows this, but the pilots are just gaining more and more ammo against him the longer he's here. Though it's a little funny, you'd rather not have all of the teases traced back to this party.

"Alright, alright!" Your dad laughs, walking over to his backpack that he'd set on the chair by the door. He grabs it and shuffles through it, before proudly presenting you with a box of blueberries, labeled Ocean Spray.

"You found them!" you smile, "Oh thank god!"

"Oh, are those the blueberries you got ages ago you haven't been able to find?" Bob asks and you nod excitedly.

"I'm not even huge on blueberries, but these are so fricken good and they don't sell this brand down here!" You complain, "Thank you!"

your dad happily accepts your hug, squeezing you tight, and when you step back and smile at him, you can tell he wants to ask more but your mother coming into the room takes his attention away. You share your stash of blueberries with the pilots, and when you eventually make your way outside to help set up some more decorations, you've convinced them all that Jersey blueberries are the best.

--

After dinner that night, you can Bob climb in your truck, tomorrow your mom's making some things that she hasn't already started, and finishing up the decorations. So, you've been tasked with getting some groceries and then going to a dollar store to hopefully find some cheap balloons for your mom. As the music plays, you let the wind blow your hair around, and Bob's hand rests on your thigh. When you turn to look at him at a red light, you realize he's already been staring at you and you chuckle as he leans across the bench seat to plant a slow, deep kiss on your lips.

you blush when you sit back and say, "If you keep kissing me like that, I'm never letting you leave."

"I wish it was that easy." He teases, squeezing your thigh, "but even with it not bein' that easy, I'll still kiss you like that every time."

"And I'll fall more and more in love with you." You smile, and he grins sloppily, bringing you into another kiss.

"God," He whispers, "please, make her fall irreversibly in love with me."

You laugh softly as he leans back when the light turns green, and as you pass through the intersection towards the closest Buc-ee's to your house, you whisper.

"I think he already heard that prayer."

[sayitaliano]

30+1 days Challenge w/ @lovelybluepanda

Everyday this month (May 2022), me and @lovelybluepanda will share our personal finds and opinions on a specific subject we decided beforehand. You can join us too in the comments or simply by tagging us in your post!

DAY 21 - SPANISH

(imagine a beautiful Spanish flag here-couldn't find a relatable gif)

I've been studying Spanish for a while on my own and despite I am still very bad with verbs (I never really studied grammar, so yep that's all my fault!) I seem to get it somehow? I think being Italian helps me quite a lot. And having had the chance to hear many people speaking Spanish or with a Spanish accent (either in my family or famous people's interviews online) but also having been able to practice with natives online (thanks to a few of them who really helped me - one of them still writes me messages in Spanish, he wrote me wishes on my bday) made it easier for me to learn the very basic language. And music helped me a lot too. I think music helps in learning languages and culture, cause that's exactly what it is about, at the end of the day. Anyway what can I say about this language? I really like it. I have also learnt the difference between Spain's Spanish and South America's Spanish, and how these populations see each other and well, languages are really their culture and traditions.

Should I translate some words from Spanish today? Let's see if I can remember something or come up with a few words anyway (Sorry for not putting all the accents or reversed exclamation points/question marks: I'm on my computer and I have to search for everything cause the "Italian" keyboard doesn't have them - I mean I could use the combinations but... sorry). Ofc feel free to correct me, I'm kinda rusty and I know it.

hola - ciao por favor - per favore gracias - grazie no me digas! - non mi dire! me permite? - permette?/permetti? disculpas - scusami de nada - di nulla internacional - internazionale el idioma - la lingua/il linguaggio las palabras - le parole también - anche todavía - ancora hablar - parlare el discurso - il discorso la traducción - la traduzione

(Music: Si tu no vuelves - Miguel Bosé, who actually performed this song in Italian too - "Se tu non torni" -, as he is naturalized Italian)