#i'm sure i've written this exact post before

[jesuisgourde]

(this is why i think the “he had planned his disappearance for months/years” thing is absolutely bullshit. already he’d had one breakdown caused in part by a close friend’s suicide, the treatment he was given wasn’t right and seemed to hurt rather than help him, then he was made to give up drinking and all his other unhealthy coping mechanisms without any healthy or positive replacements for them, and the only replacement he got was aa which just gave him more issues and confused him more, and either the meds he was given weren’t working or he wasn’t taking them, euro audiences were fairly unresponsive to the thb tour and album sales were middling which meant they were afraid they’d be dropped by the label, he was allegedly having terrible agoraphobic anxiety attacks and also allegedly maybe hearing voices or something, he was voicing suicidal ideation to his girlfriend and family and others around him, then the hotel in hamburg thing, then he asked his girlfriend to marry him and when she said no they broke up, and then less than a week later his dog died -- who had been a beloved pet since he was a child that he mentioned pretty often in interviews and who was clearly very very important to him -- then they were scheduled to do 35-40 dates in a month and a half on the North American tour. i mean i feel like just like two or three of those things in a row alone would be enough to really fuck up someone who was mentally well from the start and richey had all those things stacked up on top of each other plus the depression and alcoholism he was already struggling with. idk you just put all those things together and you definitely don’t get “planned disappearance”)

[allisonreader]

Laundry is done for now. We'll see if any writing actually gets done.

[ineffable-suffering]

Why Aziraphale is an unreliable narrator

Part 1: The Story of Job

I'm absolutely not the first one to talk about this on here and I probably shan't be the last either. Alas, here's my take on why all of the minisodes in Season 2 should be enjoyed with great care – and taken with a grain of angelic salt.

I'm gonna split this into 3 parts, aka the three minisodes we are shown, since I tend to get a bit waffley in my posts and want to still be able to include all the little details. Once I've written them, I'll link Part 2 & Part 3 here as well!

Alright, let's get into it under the cut of doom.

Episode 2 opens with the Story of Job. Right off the bat, I noticed that it sort of looks like an old film playing. At first I didn't read that much into it, but once we see the cut-away to Aziraphale at the bookshop, currently reading that part of the Bible (presumably), I immediately thought: "Oh! It's because it's his memory. He's remembering how it went down and therefore it plays like a figurative film in his head."

This, I then came to realize, is a very crucial difference to all the flashbacks of S1, which were exclusively told and narrated by God. May her intensions be as ineffable as they are: She did tell us all of these stories from an objective outsider's point of view. Now, however, it's Aziraphale who's re-telling those stories to us from memory.

And if there's one thing that's for certain, it's that a memory is something entirely different to an objective narration of a story. Just think about how you yourself remember things. Especially things that happened years, maybe even decades (or, in an angel's case, millenia) ago. What is it, that you really remember? Can you know for sure, that a conversation was held with those exact words? Are you 100% certain that the clothes someone wore weren't different? Had it really been snowing or would that make very little sense given what you're remembering happened in May? And did it even happen in May? Or does that just happen to be your favourite month, the current weather, your preferred style of clothing and what it was that you would imagine someone would have said to you?

What I'm trying to say is: The further away it is that something happened, the more your brain has to fill in the gaps. This is why, for example, your parents will remember the family summer holiday entirely different when you ask them about it 20 years later.

"No, it was Sarah who puked on the car ride home!" "Nonsense, Sarah never puked as a child. Bobby had that gone-off pizza, he's the one that was sick the whole ride long!"

We've all been there. Bobby made it out alive. Don't buy gas station pizza.

Alright, back to the plot: Naturally, Aziraphale is not actually human, so it is a pure assumption on my part that the way his memory works is similar to ours. However, the whole topic of "memory" is actually quite a recurring one on Good Omens.

Crowley seems to have lost his in the Fall, yet somehow managed to get most of it back. Not all of it, though, he clearly has some major gaps ("You used to jump on me back, little monkey in the waistcoat!"). Beelzebub helps Gabriel store all his memories in their little fly container before they get wiped entirely too, by the Metatron and/or Saraqael. Crowley and Aziraphale (and possibly Jimbriel) perform a miracle together that makes everyone in Heaven and Hell forget who Garbiel is or what he looks like. And we know that the Book of Life apparently has the ability to completely erase someone from existence – ergo also erasing them from everyone's memory and making it is as though the person had never been in them at all.

So, clearly, angels and demons being able to remember, forget, reconstruct and, if you're the Metadork, wipe memories, is very much canon. Apart from that very last one, it does make them quite human-like in a way. We too can forget or (wrongfully and incompletely) reconstruct memories, due to things like trauma, illness or simply a lot of time having passed.

So, just like Crowley remembers going into battle but doesn't remember Furfur being there, or just like Jimbriel has entierly forgotten who he is but still remembers the tune and lyrics to Buddy Holly's song Everyday, and just like archangel Michael was miraculously made to forget Gabriel and yet says "Don't I know you?" when seeing him again – just like that, Aziraphale's memories of the story of Job, the story of wee Morag and the story of the magic show in 1941, might not actually be the whole truth.

So, time to look at where the furniture isn't.

Now, it could very well be that the costume designers of S2 thought: "Fuck it, let's go crazy" – but given that this show has a track record of meticulously making sure to stick to accurate and cohesive character design, doesn't it strike you as odd that Crowley would go from this look at the Flood in Mesopotamia, 3004 BC:

... to the (very iconic, don't get me wrong) Bildad the Shuhuite drip in 2500 BC:

... back to this at the crucifixion of Jesus Christ in 33 AD:

I mean ... I mean– come on, that seems like a bit of a far stretch, even for someone as enthusiastically experimental with fashion as Crowley.

And it's not just that: Where did the sunglasses come from, all of a sudden? And why do they look like some sort of obscure, ancient optometrist's device? It's a known historical fact that the Romans were the ones to have invented sunglasses, somewhere around 50-ish AD. Which actually matches perfectly with when Crowley and Aziraphale meet again in Rome 8 years after the crucifixion (51 AD).

So, where do the weird spectacles come from, over 2000 years too early? Maybe from Aziraphale's brain filling in some gaps? Hasn't Crowley always worn those ridiculous sunglasses? Was it Rome? Or Golgotha? Wessex? Oh, blimey, what does it matter!

And it's not just Crowley: Aziraphale's own clothes, as well as the other angels', seem to be very different from the rather plain linen we see him wear before and after the story of Job.

They're laced with golden embroidery along the neckline and sleeves. The remind almost of the clothes angels are depicted wearing in biblical and historical drawings. Ornate and decadent. Not at all like we see Aziraphale in the other flashbacks of S1.

Even Bildad the Shuhite's hair within the minisode keeps changing, going from all pouffy and voluminous to rather deflated and straight-looking:

The costume department either had to fix up two seperate wigs or manually straighten out the volume of the one again to give it a more sleek look. I'm not a professional in this field, but if there's anything I've learned from watching hours of behind-the-scenes material of movies and shows, it's that very little about costume, character, prop and set design is purely coincidental.

You know what it could be, though? An accurate representation of how memories aren't linear, historically correct and objective representations of a certain event, but rather an ever-changing, jumbled mess of impressions, emotions and exaggerations.

More specifically: Aziraphale's impression, emotions and exaggerations.

Like "remembering" Crowley with sunglasses because he's been wearing them for so long.

Like "remembering" himself wearing more luxurious, angelic clothes because that's how he thinks of the difference between Heaven and Hell.

Like "remembering" the permit as a ridiculously long scroll that folded out over an entire valley.

Like "remembering" Job's children to be weirdly sassy in an almost Aziraphale-esque way (Enon: "Don't be silly!") for the fact that Job would have probably taught them to be more humble and obedient in the presence of a literal angel.

Like "remembering" eating an entire fucking Ox after having just one bite of it while Crowley watched him lustfully, sipping on his wine.

Like "remembering" Crowley calling him 'angel', despite them having barely known each other back then.

There's a reason why the flashbacks in S2 seem so much more alive, quirky and, at many points, confusing and all over the place. Because they're not objective stories being told by a third party. They're Aziraphale's. So much of his own thoughts and feelings at the time get projected onto them because that's simply how memory works!

It's subjective. It's unrealiable.

It's not that I'm calling Aziraphale a liar. He's no more a liar than your parents are, mixing up Sarah and Bobby. Or you, remembering snow instead of sunshine. Memories aren't lies. They can simply be faulty, focus on things that you thought were more important and leaving out or changing things that weren't, to you.

The real challenge in all of this, is trying to filter through Aziraphale's stories to see what it actually is they're telling us. Where it is that the furniture isn't. And I think in this case, that's 6 main things (eff you, God, I know you like sevens, but I don't care):

God and Satan (still) talk to each other We see that Aziraphale is quite surprised when Muriel mentions that the whole Job thing is God's bet with Satan. But clearly, despite having made him and the rest fall, God still converses with Her number one traitor about whether or not the humans simply love Her because she gives them nice things or because they truly believe in Her.

God and Satan (and Heaven and Hell) can and do collaborate with each other when they feel like it So much for choosing sides, huh? Truthfully, this is not the first time this is shown to us, but still. It's another piece of evidence on the growing pile.

Aziraphale understands the World and humans way better than any of the other angels "Well, you see ... Citis is 58 ..."

Aziraphale, despite having troubles voicing it, absolutely disagrees and even condemns God's plan of destroying Job's children (and goats and camels and––)

Aziraphale is willing to lie and thwart the will of God Also not the first time we're being shown this but again, piiiile of evidence.

Angels don't automatically Fall simply by doing the above To me, this is one of the most important take aways. It's already hinted in S1 as well that 'Falling' seems to have been a one time even back when the first war broke out in Heaven. And I actually believe that ever since then, no other angels have Fallen again. Aziraphale is the best example for this. He has gone against God's plan numerous times and even lied to her very face (voice?) about it. And yet, nothing ever happened to him. Why exactly that is the case remains a topic for another meta (that I might or might not be working on already, teehee).

Alright, that concludes this first look at the Job minisode! If there's anything I missed, feel free to share it with me. I'll try and add Part 2 (the story of wee Morag) and Part 3 (the magic show of 1941) soon.

Update: Part 2 and Part 3 have officially been written, you can find it them right here:

Part 2: The Story of wee Morag

Part 3: The Story of the Magic Show in 1941

Hugs and kisses, (God)!

[ethansluvbot]

riding ethan for the first time please!!! love your writing btw<3

CRUEL SUMMER | SUB!ETHAN LANDRY

warnings: adult content, spoilers?, rough sex, riding, unprotected sex, and smut :)

an: i just got really sick randomly? anyways, i'm so so sorry for not posting in awhile. i just started a new school and even though its the end of the year its stressful. it also didn't help that i had horrible writers block. also, I've never written smut before so i will get better at this eventually! i'm binge watching the harry potter movies while eating soup now lol.

with a ton of convincing from sam, ethan and tara you decided to volunteer for a summer camp. sure, spending you day with kids had its downs, but you enjoyed seeing ethan interact with kids.

the kids screams filled your ears as you run to pick up their messes. the sticky hair didn't help your anxiety at all. you sat next to sam with your head on her shoulder.

"how did you convince me to do this shit?"

a quick slap hit your shoulder as you let out a yelp, "no cursing, there's kids around. plus you could never say no to ethan, it looks like he's enjoying it."

"i know. he's been going on about this since january.," you know ethan was a total soft guy, he never would harm a soul. it took him awhile but he finally convinced you to help out.

you both heard footsteps approach you, a sigh came out as you saw his shoes. immediately you jump up and wrap your arms around his neck.

"thank god you're here to save me from sam, she's trying to make me actually do something." he let out a chuckle as he waved to sam.

"im here to take you away," he smirked as you smiled back at sam. you heard her softly gagging beginning to walk away.

"hey! i missed you today, it seemed like you were having fun with your cabin."

"i was! i actually taught a kid how to swim today." you grabbed on to his hand. you loved this side of ethan the soft, dorky and funny side of him to be exact.

"umm, i was wondering where you see us in the future? i know we have a little until we finish college but it's been on my mind."

"well, to be exact i see us in well paying jobs, a modern family home and hopefully kids of our own." you felt his mood shift with that. you might've not been the most kid involved person, but it was great to know you would consider the idea.

you both stepped into the cabin immediately grabbing pajamas. you felt ethans shattered breath at your neck. turning around you slinked your arms around his torso.

"can i help you?"

"god- i want to kiss you so bad right now."

you gave in to ethans innocent act, attaching both of your lips. his cold hands found his way up your back as you moaned in surprise. he hummed in pleasure, kissing down your stomach.

you flip the two of you over, "i wanted to try something new if that's fine?"

he nodded intently, he trusted you with his life and knew you wouldn't do anything to hurt either of you. he's desperate to finally get you undressed as he tugs at your pants.

"someones needy," you tease unbuttoning your jean shorts. his hands explored your body, undoing your bra and throwing it to the side. ethan was already undressed by the time you turned around.

"lay down."

he threw his head back as you pushed yourself down onto his cock. you put your hand over his mouth being careful not to arouse any suspicion.

"will you be a good boy and be quiet?" he hummed in response, "words baby."

"yes, ill be good," he let a muffeled whined out.

you let your nails scratch down his abs as you begin to move. his fingers begin to trace circles on your clit as you bounce. you were still adjusting to his size but since ethan was so eager you began to move.

"don't stop," he lets an exaggerated sigh come out of his mouth. you grab his chin making him look at you. he keeps his hands on your hips as you trail kisses down his neck.

you rested your hands on his chest helping him move you. even without him speaking he could tell he enjoyed this greatly. you felt his hand kneed at your ass.

looking down you see his glossy eyes look up at you, "aw, poor baby. are you not getting enough attention."

you were almost using him for your own pleasure, which you felt bad but, oh did it feel so good. he was getting anxious as you felt him squirming.

you felt him thrust into you a few more times. you could feel his tenseness, only meaning that he was reaching his high. leaning down you planted a kiss onto his lips.

"oh fuck- i love you."

[letteredlettered]

I wanted to make a separate post about this, partly because I'm feeling a lot of emotions I feel like I've never experienced, or at least don't know how to identify.

There's a lot that goes into writing a fic. You have to consider every word, weighing it against every other word. You read and you reread and you edit and you reread; you sit back and say, "How do I make sure the reader reads this as it is meant to be read; how do I make them feel the weight of the words in the right place; how do I engineer the timing such that this joke lands, this repetition lands, this echo or this feeling or this meaning lands; how do I write this dialogue in a way that allows the reader to understand the tone in which it is being said, the mood with which it is spoken, the feeling the dialogue provokes in the other character listening; how do I make phrase A resonate with phrase B so that the reader can connect the dots between the phrases in a way that produces C?"

Writing is wrangling words so that they behave in an exact way to produce an exact result. The "exact result" is for the writer, not the reader--different readers are going to interpret the meaning and characters differently. But the writer is arranging words in a precise formation to express exactly what they mean, so that the mood is produced exactly as they intend, so that the joke lands at the precise time to land the joke accurately. The reader might not get the joke; they might get the joke but not laugh at it; they might laugh but not like it. Same with tone, mood, meaning, etc. The reader cannot and will not interpret it the same way. But the writer wants to produce the exact equation that will work for them, and then they want to show it to you and hear what you think, even if you work through the equation and get a different result.

This is why writers like comments. They want to hear whether you worked through the equation and got the same result; they're interested in your different results. Like a teacher, they want you to show you're work--how and why did the different parts of the equation lead you to your result? They want this because they poured so much time, energy, thought and feeling into every single portion of that equation. They put so much of themselves into every single word that they want to know how every single word landed.

I'm writing this post because @raitala has started posting their podfic of my fic, Time Signature. And this podfic delivers every single word of this story exactly how I imagined it. Exactly how I meant it. The timing of everything is exactly how I wanted it to be read. The tone of every line of dialogue is exactly what I heard in the character's voices while writing it. Listening to it felt like writing, a feeling so extraordinary that I don't know actually how to describe the things I felt listening.

If you like my writing and have ever wondered what writing feels like for me, how I hear it in my brain, how I mean for it to be read--this is it. And if you don't like my writing, I think that you will still like this podfic, because this podfic is its own entity. I would be recommending the fuck out of it regardless of whether it was my fic, because listening to it is absolutely gripping.

Look. I'm proud of my writing. I think I'm good at it. I think I'm good at things like pacing within a scene and capturing voices in dialogue. But listening to this made me love my writing in a way I never experienced before.

This fic isn't a comedy, but the beginning is meant to be amusing. But listening to this podfic, I was fucking dying of laughter--at lines I could already recite! Because I had written them! I had written them with the intention of being a little witty, a little wry. But hearing them spoken with timing so precise, so exact, I couldn't help but feel that this is some of the funniest shit I've ever heard.

This fic is mostly porn. It's extremely filthy porn. Porn as often awkward read aloud; there are the actual mechanics of bodies moving, then all the feelings, then the moaning and if you're me, lots and lots of dirty talk. And sex scenes in audio books usually bring me a certain measure of embarrassment--this reader is trying too hard to pant and sound needy; that reader is being to clinical and removed; this reader is making it sound like a porno; that reader is failing to sound sexy. But this podfic is read so perfectly that listening to these sex scenes sounded like the experience of reading them--or at least, how I want them to be read. When you read a good sex scene, the words should fall away, and the scene itself should play out in your head, whether visually (for some) or just through cognition (for me). You should feel the emotions of it without feeling distracted by things like sentence structure. And this is how @raitala reads. Yep, it's someone saying the words "cock" and "pussy" a whole bunch, and yep, it's super hot and very explicit. But the timing and the tone are so perfect that the awkwardness of a live person reading these things falls away, and you feel like you're watching a movie.

But this fic is one other thing. It's a fic about two musicians who make music, and while not a whole lot of time is spent talking about music, that's mostly what's happening when there's not porn (and sometimes what is happening when there is porn). I'm not a musician; nor do I particularly invest time and interest in music like most people seem to. But I did a lot of research for the music in the fic, and the reason for that and the research that I did are both described in the post I did here.

What makes this podfic truly extraordinary is that @raitala not only exactly captured the timing and tone of every word, but also precisely captured the meaning and feeling of the music parts of this fic through the soundscape they provided.

I've never listened to a podfic that provided a soundscape. The soundscape in this fic is almost all music. @raitala absorbed the meaning of the music from the fic, then also paid attention to the post I did about the music for the fic, then they did their own research to find additional pieces to fit the mood and meaning of the fic, then put that music into the fic at precise moments, sometimes letting it stand alone, sometimes layering it under the words of the fic, sometimes layering several tracks on top of each other to match the description or feeling of the music described in the fic.

The choices for the music are extraordinary. The layering of the music is extraordinary. The timing of the music is extraordinary. All of it is just literal enough for it to feel a bit like an audio play, but none of it is so literal that the fic is not allowed to be a fic--since it was written as a fic and not a play. The choices made around when the music starts and stops are thoughtful and deliberate and also perfect.

There is one time when sound is used that is not music, and this sound is used to create a distinct sense of space. It occurs when the two main characters are in the car, and what is extraordinary about this use of sound is that when I was writing that time in the car, I was trying so hard to create that sense of being in a small space with one other person you have strong feelings for, the way it can feel like another world, alone on the road. And @raitala took that feeling of otherworldliness and intimate privacy I was trying so hard to create and gave it its own distinct sound to outline the boundaries of that space and that feeling, as though when they read the fic, they got what I was trying to do. They got everything I was trying to do, and made it one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard.

I'm making this post to rec this podfic, but I also just really needed to ...idk, express? how meaningful this is for me personally. Like on the one hand, I want to tell you all that listening to this fic felt like finally getting to watch the movie of the characters you ship so hard fucking and kissing and saying all the things you want them to say--a shocking feat in and of itself, given that these characters are Chinese and speak Chinese and this fic is in English and the podfic and spoken in English. But on the other hand, I just want to go on about the fact that listening to this made me realize wow, this is a good fic, this is a meaningful fic, and if I can make people feel this way and understand what I mean in this shockingly beautiful way, then I really have been doing meaningful things writing fanfic my whole life; it really matters; it really touches people.

It touched me, and I hope it touches you.

[z0mbiefrank]

MCR5 Theory: Secretary Gerard is a character called The Widow

I'm unsure if everyone is thinking along the same lines, but I have yet to see anyone talk about it, so I've put together this post with evidence and links. (this will expand on the 9/11 theory. also special shout out to @autistme who made a spreadsheet with all the aus eagles lyrics) MCR performed Eagles at all six Australia shows this tour. At five of them, Gerard was dressed in a grey suit and skirt, commonly referred to as the secretary or office lady by fans.

(📷 Dough Peters) Here's a quick reference table for the things I will be talking about here. (Not necessary to read, I will explain it all)

At Brisbane, the drumheads read "everything under control" followed by "here comes the airplane". The planes have yet to hit the towers, but disaster is imminent. Eagles has evolved a lot over the tour but the Aus dates heard a new consistent change in the first verse.

All along the river bends All along with all my friends Yes, all around the river bends All together with my friends

There is minimal change for Brisbane 2. Notice how gerard is dressed as the secretary and says "my friends".

Next comes Melbourne 1. The drumhead reads "TErrOR". The plane has hit and there is a dramatic change to the first verse.

All night long the widow sends Valentines to bitter friends Yes, all night long the widow sends Valentines to all my friends

This character with friends now has a title, and it is The Widow. She has lost her husband in the attack. Her friends survived and she is sending them letters of love during this terrible time.

Melbourne 2, Gerard breaks the outfit chain. He is wearing jeans and a t-shirt, there is no hint of office wear, he is no longer playing the widow, he is playing himself. The drumhead also seems unrelated to 9/11 "BARK BARK BARK". They sing the same first verse as the previous night with minimal change, except for the last line

Valentines to all her friends

This is the only instance where Gerard does not refer to the friends as "my friends" at all during aus eagles, and it is because they weren't in the skirt suit that night, they were not the widow.

Next comes Sydney. The Widow is back and she's covered in blood! Something awful has happened to her, she's dying. But the drumhead reads "UNKILLAbLe". (This was written by Frank, an extremely powerful thing for him to do considering his accident in Sydney and PTSD. MCR has always used concept albums as a vessel to speak of things the band has been through.) The widow continues to write her letters during eagles despite the blood on her face.

(📷 Jess Gleeson) Sydney 2. The Widow again. She is in the exact same outfit, down to her boots (sports mode), but this time she is not only covered in blood but her eyes are WHITE. She is dead! The drumhead now reads "Unkillables", this is no longer specifically just one, but multiple people. It could be mcr as a band, mcr as individuals, or mcr fans themselves. In the context of a concept album, unkillables can take on a whole new meaning. It brings to mind the supernatural, ghouls, vampires, werewolves. How is it that the widow is dead, yet she is walking on stage right in front of us? Staring at us with blank eyes on the big screen? Is she a ghost, a zombie? I'm not sure. But she is still the widow. Even in death, she is searching for her husband.

(📷 ashymcr , expiiredglitter)

Which leads me to Summertime. The piece of evidence that drove me to write this long-ass post. As we know, it is a love song about Gerard's marital partner. Before they played, Gerard spoke in a breathy and musically haunting voice "I'll find you. I'll find you. come find me." Definitely something a lost and ghostly widow would say. They also bring out a white handkerchief, they do not have it in any other songs. Throughout the performance, Gerard clutched it to their chest repeatedly and held it lovingly in both hands.

In the third picture, he is looking down sadly at the handkerchief singing the line "If you stay, I would even wait all night." (video)

This is very clearly The Widow. She is mourning her husband, she is dead, lost and searching for him. Perhaps the handkerchief is all she has left of him, or it is simply to dry her tears, but she is clearly in mourning for her marital partner.

And finally, Eagles at Sydney 2. The first verse stays the same except for the third line. "Yes, all night long the widow sends" becomes

Yes, all day long the widow sends

She is writing night and day. She does not rest. Her outfits in Sydney are exactly the same. Every single other secretary's outfit is subtlely different, but now she is dead, she is stuck in the same clothing like a ghost. The Widow also makes an appearance later in the song.

We found the widow And hit her with a baseball bat

I have less ideas of what this could be about, but I think if some dead lady was walking about being unkillable, people would get freaked and attack her with a baseball bat. The concept of "unkillables" is something I could write a whole other post about but I'll spare you for now.

To conclude, I think The Widow as a concept album character would fit right in with MCR. They are no strangers to lovers separated by death. Others on here have spoken on how the feminine outfits Gerard has chosen this tour have often been of women scorned or living in the shadows of powerful men. I believe The Widow would fit right in. Even after her husband has died, she is only talked about in reference to him. She is The Widow, something that tells us more about her husband than herself.

[brigdh]

Ed and the mortifying ordeal of being known

Ed does not like revealing his feelings. He is incredibly consistent about lying,

hiding

displacing,

distracting, or just outright denying what he's feeling instead of actually talking about it. This is a consistent pattern of behavior with him. There are a few exceptions – most significantly, I think, the bathtub scene where he confesses to Stede about killing his father – but they are a) rare, and b) occur under unusual circumstances, such as a PTSD flashback. In general Ed goes to great lengths to prevent people from recognizing the truth about him.

I don't really blame Ed for this habit, to be clear. He went through an abusive childhood, and though we don't see a lot of the exact dynamics in baby Ed's house, it's very common for abused children to become hyper vigilant of both their own and others' emotions. It's an attempt to exert some, any control they can over the situation, as though they can prevent setting off the abuser if they just always say and do the right thing.

Ed escaped into piracy, but in terms of talking about his feelings, I don't think it was much of an escape. Piracy in OFMD seems to be a place where the idea of having friends (though not the reality – I'd argue Ed might not use the word 'friend', but has had close relationships) is to be scoffed at. "We're all just in various stages of fucking each other over!" says Calico Jack, and being open about your emotions, plans, hopes, etc would just make it all the easier to be betrayed. On the other hand, lying, obfuscating, or just telling everyone about Plan A and then instead pulling off Plan B makes you look like a double-crossing genius who outthought everyone around you. So I'm not surprised that's Ed's learned to be manipulative and uncommunicative. I don't think he's ever been in a situation where emotional openness wouldn't be a disadvantage.

Regardless of why he does this, it's very clear that it's a pattern of behavior for him. This is one reason why I don't think Sad Robe Ed back in Episode 10 was healing – healing requires addressing and dealing with your feelings, and Ed was very much not doing that. I've already written a whole post going through that episode and laying out how Ed never once mentions Stede, or love, or heartbreak, or anything related to what he's going through, so I'm not going to do it again here. In brief, Ed's putting on a performance of sadness for the crew, but it's a generic, vague sort of sadness, without any connection to his personal, specific pain.

Who finally brings up Stede in Ep 10? It's sure not Ed. Izzy:

Which brings us to Season Two. How is Ed doing now?

He's once again making a performance of his pain, and once again keeping it vague, not letting any of his true, personal hurts be revealed.

These:

Are performances of his pain and sadness, but just like before, they're generic, unspecific. This is "Mad Devil Pyrate Blackbeard", not heartbroken, human Ed. Who is it that brings up the private reality of what's causing this toxic atmosphere? Once again, not Ed. It's Izzy, just like before. And this time he gets shot immediately for saying Stede's name, and Ed doesn't even look at him.

In all three episodes, Ed mentions Stede directly only once, and very pointedly, it's when he's alone:

I'm glad Ed has decided that he wants to live, but that's the beginning of a journey, not the end. What I really want to see in the next couple of episodes is Ed finally, for once, opening up. He doesn't want to be vulnerable, but the lack of emotional intimacy that constantly lying and performing has gotten him is, quite literally, killing him.

Ed can't get over his own, very real pain until he's willing to admit that it exists. I want to see him acknowledge where he hurts. He needs friends. He needs love. He can't get those without being honest.

I hope he does. I hope the show will have him do this work instead of skipping him ahead immediately to the happy ending, no behavioral change required. I think they will. It's kind of their motto, after all: talk it through as a crew.

Now if the co-captains would just follow their own advice...

[bekolxeram]

I know we've been manifesting S8 Air Ops since that photo of a hangar was posted by a member of the scouting team. And I know the other side has been mocking us for being delusional when other bts photos of an aircraft came out. So here I am, taking my shipper's goggles off, and diving into the aviation side of things. I have to admit, it left me with more questions than answers.

They already have a hangar for Air Ops in S7, they don't need another one

No. The 911!Air Ops we see in S7 is the Helinet hangar at Van Nuys Airport. Helinet is a company that rents and operates helicopters for news stations, film crews, medivac service or regular charter flights. You can compare images from 7x02 and 7x03 with Google Street Views of the Helinet Hangar.

You can also see N67TV and N29HD here.

Helinet is where ABC usually rents its news helicopters from, so it's cheaper and more convenient to film a couple scenes there when helicopters are needed. It can't be used for regular filming though, because Helinet has a business to run, and when a helicopter takes off, it's so noisy that you can't even hear each other talking, let alone shooting a scene. (I recommend watching the whole video, if you're interested in accuracy when it comes to writing fics.)

It's a plane related emergency so it must be related to Tommy

Also no. Again, I've written a piece about how Tommy was not the air tanker pilot in 2x14 before, and if he was not qualified for that, he's not qualified to fly an airliner either. It's not impossible that he flies a small turboprop aircraft like a Cessna 172, but he would never have the time to get certified as a commercial airliner pilot while working as an active firefighter since 2005.

And this is a prop for an Airbus airliner.

It's actually pretty easy to tell an Airbus aircraft from a Boeing one, as the shape of the rear cockpit windows is pretty different between the two. It's just a matter of which Airbus model it is. I believe it's a narrow body single aisle aircraft from the A320 family.

Wide body Airbus aircrafts, like this A300, have their side cockpit windows more tapered to the top. It also applies to other Airbus twin aisle aircrafts, like the A330 and the A340.

On the A320 though, the side windows are flat on the top.

So it's a pretty safe bet that the aircraft we see in that bts photo is one from the A320 family. I can't pinpoint which one it exactly is, because again, I can just see a tiny section of the cockpit, not the rest of the aircraft.

So the hangar must be for the airplane then?

The hangar itself is a former Air National Guard maintenance hangar at Ontario International Airport (ONT/KONT). It's especially used for filming. There are bigger hangars at the same airport for filming, but this one looks the best on camera.

They don't need a hangar for scenes inside of the plane, they have cockpit and cabin mock-ups at the studio for them.

You can clearly see the cabin door right here from recent bts footage. It looks just like a training facility for flight attendants.

They only film on location if they want shots of the entire aircraft from the outside. Like in 1x04, the scenes of Athena responding to an alleged unruly passenger were filmed in a set. The plane crash rescue parts of the episode though, were filmed in an actual retired 757 in a tub of water.

(Lone Star worked with this exact company for 3x08. Though, that plane was a 737 I believe.)

I can't think of any disastrous scenario happening in a maintenance hangar, where the aircraft is powered off with only maintenance staff present, no passengers or crew. Well, there have been cases of planes crashing into a hangar, but even then I don't see the need for the 118 to be there. Every major airport has at least one fire station on site with dedicated foam and crash units. In fact, there is a fire station right next to this hangar IRL.

Another problem, although I'm not sure because I don't have the actual measurements, is that the celling of the hangar looks quite low. (Refer to page 44 of this document) It was originally built in 1955 to house fighter jets. The F-102, the type of aircraft operated there in the 60s and 70s, has a total height of 6.5 meters. The tail of an A320 on the other hand can reach 11.76 m from the ground. (The shortest variant of the A320 family is actually even taller, 12.51 m.) So there could be some tail bumping action if you try to tow an A320 into this hangar.

So Air Ops is still a possibility?

Yes. This hangar is quite a bit larger than the Helinet hangar, but still not as big as the actual Air Ops facility. A helicopter is obviously much smaller than a passenger airliner that can seat over 180, you can easily fit multiple helicopters in there with plenty of space left for other set props. But the problem is, they don't have enough helicopters.

They have that one replica of N211FN that they used to film the search and rescue in 7x03, that's it. All the other helicopters you see on screen, including the real N211FN that actually flies, belong to Helinet. Sure, they can get some more fake helicopters that are empty inside just for looks, but I don't see the need to spend so much extra money just to show Tommy's place of work unless it's related to some major plot points. For now, I don't see how that would fit into the story.

There is also the possibility that the hangar has nothing to do with anything aviation related. I mean, they've filmed countless ads, music videos and movies, including Ford vs Ferrari there. Your guess is as good as mine. Maybe that's why that crew member eventually got the green light to confirm the hangar is indeed for 9-1-1, it tells us absolutely nothing.

[scribblemetae]

For the first time

Warnings: Sub!Soobin, Soft!dom reader, love, fluff, smut, inexperienced Soobin, first time together, Soobin wears a collar with your name on it, desperate Soobin, oral (m and f), pantie sniffing, ownership, you're both just getting a feel of each other intimately, unprotected sex, cream pie, whiney Soobin.

A/N: This is a complete re-write of an old story that I wrote. Whilst I was looking at my old works I loved the story for this one but hated how I had written it and dont think it fit the person id writen it for as much as I would have liked it to so I went back, got a feel of the story and this is what came up with, its basically the same plot but completely re-written with Soobin in mind.

This is the first story I've posted in so long, so I'm scared, I hope you enjoy it.

Word Count: not exact but around the 9k mark (will add when I'm not on my phone)

Soobin was the sweetest person you'd ever met, you'd been friends with him for about a year now and in a relationship with him for a month. His cheeks were bright red as he asked you to be his girlfriend while you were sat with him and his friends watching a movie, it's almost like he forgot everybody was around until they all started celebrating that he'd finally asked.

Since then It's been a month of cute dates, romantic nights and some of the sweetest memories that help you through the day when he's not around. Honestly he was the perfect man and sometimes you thought he was born just so one day he could come around and make you the happiest girl in the world.

You'd never felt so close to somebody after only a year, and there was only one thing that you could think of that could make you both closer, and that was sex. The two of you had never had sex with each other before. In-fact, you'd never touched him sexually at all.

Not long after you first started dating Soobin told you all about his first time, he was happily in a relationship and then just after losing his virginity to his then girlfriend she cheated on him leaving with all kinds of personal hang ups about relationships and sex. You didn’t care, you would wait a lifetime if it meant he would be comfortable but that didn’t mean you weren’t human. You had sexual urges and you wanted to share them with him. You wanted to share the intimacy of having him close to you and share himself with you. 

He wasn’t completely closed off, he had talked about sexual things with you. He mentioned his preference for being submissive and being dominated from what he gathered from his porn preferences, and how he loved being praised and called a good boy. He talked about how he loved going down on you and getting off at the idea of providing pleasure. In-fact this was something he was so sure and content about that he’d done it a few times, He’d taken your pleasure into his hands and mouth, the both of you loving every second of it. 

The both of you had such healthy communication that you knew nothing could go wrong. You were lucky, you had somebody who was able to have a conversation with you about something he wasn’t even one hundred percent sure about himself.

Due few times the two of you had been intimate, with him only touching you, he managed to find a confidence within himself, so much so that his comfort with you increased and he bought himself a collar with your name on. When he first introduced you to it he explained that it was his to wear when he went down on you, wearing a collar and you claiming ownership of his was something he'd talked about possibly liking to you in the past, and this was his was of allowing himself to dip his toe into a submissive role. The gentle face and the blush on his cheeks could only be compared to an indescribable beauty, and the clenching you felt in your centre when he took it out to show you how he looked in it for the first time was hard to ignore.

Once you managed to shake your head out of the fluffy daydream and stopping yourself reminiscing on your relationship you realised you were still at work and it had only been about 10 minuets since you last looked at the time. The day had been considerably normal when it came to work, but when you checked your phone it turned out that when it came to Soobin and the texts he was sending you through-out the day, things seemed a little off. Not off in a bad way, but in a different kinda way. He was usually very caring and loving in his messages, asking how your day was going and if you needed anything but this time they seemed a little bit blunt. 

‘Can I come round tonight?’

‘What time will you be home?’

‘Do you want food?’

‘Will you be going to sleep straight away when you’re home?’

‘Will you be home soon?’

There was nothing wrong with these questions, all completely valid for him to ask, it was just the way he was asking that threw you off. Usually they’d be embellished with loved hearts and kisses and maybe a few little add-ons with him telling you he missed you but in these there was none of that. You knew you were being dramatic but you could feel something was off or different, not enough to worry you but enough to let in linger in the back of your mind.

"I wont be home to late Binnie don't worry, my shift finishes at 9pm so you can meet me at mine if you want to xx"

When you got back you were slightly disturbed by the lack of Soobin, he said he'd meet you here so when he's not in the living room watching TV waiting for you it was a cause for concern ,However when you make it to your bedroom everything seemed to make sense. There he was was standing in your bedroom wearing nothing but the collar around his neck and a pair of tight, black, Calvin Klein briefs, you were equal parts foaming at the mouth and struck with love and adoration. When he looked up at you and whispered a shy ‘I'm ready’ you felt a huge rush of emotions. He wanted you, he was finally ready to take that step and allow you to take over his body and his pleasure. More importantly, he was ready to trust and give himself to you.

He was looking at the floor, arm wrapped around his chest so his hand was grabbing onto his other arm. He'd managed to make himself look so small considering how tall he was. His bottom lip was stuck inside his mouth and you could tell he was nervously gnawing on it while doing everything he could to not make eye contact. You wanted to make him feel calm, let him know that if he was too nervous he didn't have to do anything but he was eager to get started. As you started to talk to him, ready to discus this before hopping into it he stuttered and moved towards you with one of his hands slightly out ready to grab yours, hoping he could rip the band aid off quickly and finally enjoy you without thinking too hard about it he politely shushed you with a smile and kissed your lips softly. You couldn’t have that though as much as you wanted to get lost in the moment with him you needed to make sure there wasnt even a shred of doubt within him. Before anything went to far you slowly had to push him away from you without making him feel bad and talk it through with him.

You didn't want to baby him, he was an adult and could make his own choices but at the same time you knew just how important this all was to him and you had to make sure he wasn’t rushing anything. It didn't take long, no more than fifteen minutes of a sweet heart to heart you knew he was ready. Nervous, no doubt, but so ready.

It's not long after that, that you’re on your knees for him in nothing but your underwear as he stands in front of you, towering above you. You wanted him to start in a position of control to try and ease him in but, he was still so visibly nervous. His eyes are on you but they’re barely open. Your hands are grazing over his thighs, nails slowly dragging down them as his legs shake slightly. You’re trying to keep every touch delicate but intentional, letting him know that you're right there. As you slowly lean forward you can’t help but start a very soft and slow trail of kisses that start from his knee to his inner thigh, faintly sticking your tongue out to lick the smooth skin that graces your lips. With each centimetre your mouth moves, Soobin's body shakes ever so slightly and a small, barely audible whimper leaves his mouth. Slowly his hand come out to your surprise roughly dug into your hair as he attempted holds himself up. The little whimpers leaving his mouth could convince anybody you were doing more than just kissing him. 

“Ah Ah, baby boy who said you could touch” He said he wanted things to be normal, keeping the dynamic the both of you had, and that included him staying more submissive and you taking a dominant role. At first you weren't sure if that was the right way to go but he insisted. You let him know that if he wanted to change it and things got to much for him, all he had to do was say so. You were still going to be careful though, he had a tendency to push himself and you had to make sure that he wasn’t doing that now. You’d take everything slow, start with teasing to get his blood pumping and keep his mind in the moment.

You bite down on the fabric of his briefs pulling on them as they snap back onto his skin and he gasps. “Let me touch you please, please” The words coming out of his mouth were music to your ears, it was strange but so sexy hearing him beg for you. If this was any other man you’d hate it, pulling your hair and ragging you around but with Soobin you know that's not why he’s doing it, he's not doing it to have power over you, he's doing it out of desperation and need, and that turns you on so much more. “Don't make me let go baby, never wanna let go”

He was already so lost in the moment, as your eyes flicked up to watch his face you could see he was a man starved of affection and attention sexually. his eyes were closed shut, almost looking like he was about to cry. So desperate and needy and the two of you hadn’t done anything yet. He was grabbing onto you and whining out so lost for breath.

He pulled your face closer towards his body trying to hold you close, accidently pushing your cheek against his restrained cock, but as soon as he felt you against him he cried out. Slowly, he started humping, feeling the friction of your face against him. You could see he was struggling to control himself when you saw how lost in the feeling.

You’d never ever had anybody act this way with you, your cunt was clenching thinking about he needy he must be to stand there rocking his hips against your face to get himself off. His head was thrown back in pleasure, and he was humping away in his own little world, cock so hard against you that you couldn't help but get more and more excited.

A loud gasp of pleasure from his lips caught your attention and you couldn't help but pull back to look up towards him, it was only then that he snapped out of his haze and realized what he had been doing.

Looking at you with eyes wide in panic “I’m sorry baby, fuck I'm so sorry baby” One of his hands untangled from your hair and reached for his neck, his fingers started to slowly touching the collar that adorned your name as he looked back towards the celling “I’m so sorry, I'm supposed to be good, but I just" He moved his hand back so he was softly stroking your cheek, but every time he looked you in the eyes while you were leaning below him he seemed to lose it just a little bit more "-fuck-” he pulls you back to him this time your lips placed against the extremely hard bulge as he started thrusting again with much less control than he had the first time “But you just feel so fucking good” 

You couldn't help but giggle at his desperation as you quickly suck his shaft through the fabric, leaving a nice wet spot on his underwear as you push him off you making him step back slightly. He only whines as you smile up at him, your hands not leaving the solid length in front of you. You’d seen his length before when he played with himself after touching you, but you’d never touched it, and you never realized just how perfectly hard he could get.

“Calm down baby, I'm not going anywhere, don't worry and I'm not mad at you, tonight is all about you.” If you had to remind him all night then you would. He might care about his sexual role but you didn’t, when more time past and your experience together grew, then you’d start punishing him. For now though, all you wanted to do was make sure he was comfortable in letting go with you.

 You shuffle your knees closer to him so you're centimetres away from his clothed member making sure to look him straight in the eyes as you stick your tongue out ready for him. The look on his face is that of a dream state. His freshly blonde hair fell forward as he looked down at you, framing his face so well that just looking at him like this was made you want to speed things up a little and give him everything. You wanted to pleasure him, you were so turned on at the idea of him finally feeling the pleasure you can give him.

“Promise?” The word from his lips soft, cascading off his tongue like a heartfelt song with the most meaningful lyrics. You knew he was referring to you saying you weren’t going anywhere. It was something he’d always been worried about, always thinking you were going to up and leave him whenever you had the chance. He was insane to think you’d leave, look at him, pretty bunny like face and tall frame matched with his sweet, caring and attentive personality hat couldn't be matched, and that's if you ignore the big, rock hard cock that made you clench your thighs while you kneeled in front of him.

For a second everything is silent. Just Soobin looking down at you, collar shining from his neck as his body was on display for you, and you, kneeling for him nearly naked at his feet. Your hands gently caressing his thigh in comfort. “I promise, Binnie'” You reassured him as you wrapped your lips around the tip of his covered cock and sucked as he gasped out for you. 

“Oh God baby, yes” his voice was loud and solid as he moaned for you and Soobin's next actions were quick as his desperation overtook him. Both of his hands dropped from your head to his own hips as he clumsily pushed his briefs down just below his ass pulling his cock free, touching it as it twitched for you. He quickly starts pumping it as he whimpers looking down at your face that is glued to the show he's putting “Own me please baby, please I’ve thought about this so much but I never though i deserved it” he stops for a second to move the hair out of your face and catch his breath “I dunno, I'm just, I'm sorry, I'm so sensitive” 

Fuck how could he look this pretty, sitting here on your knees watching him from this position, pumping his cock in front of you was mouth wateringly hot. The skin on his shaft looked so soft that all you wanted to do was feel it against your tongue. “Don't even think about it Binnie, please, just enjoy yourself baby, you’ve been such a good boy for me you deserve this” You take one hand off his cock as you replace it with your own but changing the pace so it's much slower. “You look after me so well Binnie, you’ve earned so much” 

You couldn’t help yourself, the way he was panting and moaning above you made you want nothing more than to bring him the pleasure he always strives to bring you. You lean in and place the flat of your tongue against his balls making sure to lick and suck them, giving them all your attention pulling a grunt of pleasure from him. You ran your tongue up the bottom of his shaft making him tense up and grip onto your shoulders tightly. His moans were light and airy and fuck it made you even wetter, the sound of his voice, so deep but so lost in need, it was so perfect. You look up as you drag your tongue along him and you can see the veins in his neck as he tenses, nearly bursting out of the pretty accessory around his neck. 

You’d heard Soobin being vocal before, when he touched himself but this was something you’d never witnessed. Purely his own pleasure taking over him. Pleasure that you were giving him. He would let out the softest -Ahs- mixed in with the deepest grunts as your tongue licked up and down his shaft. 

“Your tongue feels so good, feels so fucking good” Were the only grunts and groans that leave his mouth as he pants through his words “I'm really yours now"

There it was, the ownership that he'd told you he craved so much.

As you heard him moan for you, your desire only grew, wanting him to fall apart, so as your tongue once again reaches the head of his cock you decide to take the tip into his mouth. You could taste the pre-cum on your tongue and the neediness of him got you just as lost as he was. You were quick to push your lips down his shaft and Soobin couldn't help but whine out the word ‘yes’ over and over again, prolonged and stuttered.

"Fuck, ___, fuck, yes use me. This feels so fucking good. Oh shit" His words were nearly unintelligible at this point, a mix of cries, squeaks and moans and all you had to do was swallow around his cock for him to start shaking. Once again he holds your head close to his body as he starts a slow staggered rhythm thrusting into your mouth.

"No wait, stop baby, you're gonna make me cum, don't wanna cum yet" despite his words he continued using your mouth. You made sure to use your tongue and make this as wet as possible for him, you wanted the wetness on his cock to resemble what was between your legs. It was his first ever blow job from you and you were going to give him everything he could want. You were going to take away his fear of intimacy and see sex as pleasure.

“Oh my god, no please, please baby I'm gonna cum, I'm gonna cum" You both could have stopped him at any time. His movement was so shallow and staggered that it wouldn't take much, but the grip around the roots of your hair told you he didn't want to stop. The fact he was still using your mouth as his head fell back and moans were leaving his lips told you he never wanted this to end.

“I don't wanna cum so fast, fuck, I'm sorry, fuck I'm so sorry” His words were all but a squeak as he trust into your mouth, hitting deep this time releasing down your throat. You barely got a chance to taste it, it shot far down your throat all you could do was smile and swallow while he moaned above you.

“Don't fucking stop *oh, ugh* yes ___, yes ____, yes. Fuck!”  despite the fact he'd just lost himself to you completely he didn't stop. Once his cock stopped twitching in the back of your throat he only started to move his hips again. 

Despite it being one of the sexiest things you’d ever experienced, you try to pull away, sure that he was going to be struck by oversensitivity once his brain started working again but he didn't, he only hugged you tighter to stop you leaving.

“No please, don't stop please keep going *fuck*” he'd become insatiable with his need for you, keeping his thrusts slow so you could look up at him. Sweat had formed all over his body and he looked completely exhausted, but there was a fire in his eyes that was impossible to miss. Oh, what one glance in his eyes could do to you.

“But Binnie, you just” You pull him out of your mouth and try to reason with him. The last thing you wanted was him over-exerting himself, he'd looked after you so well that you wanted to do that for him.

“No shh, baby, please please don't wanna stop there” He slowly grabbed his length and rubbed it against your lips and you could feel that he’d managed to stop himself going completely soft after his orgasm “Please keep sucking it, keep me hard for you. I wanted to be with you, let me please”

Now you were the one rolling your eyes and grunting. His words were so sexy that it made your pussy clench around nothing. The whole point in this was that he wanted to be with you, finally share his body with you and if he was okay with continuing then you weren’t going to take that away from him or yourself. You’d never been with anybody who managed to go again straight after he’d cum but of course, Soobin could, he was just so perfect in every other way that you’re not surprised it didn’t stop when it came to his stamina.

You looked him in the eyes, opened your mouth and stuck your tongue out ready for him. Ready to give him anything. Your jaw was aching and there was drool slipping from your lips but you didn’t care. This was all about him.

His excitement takes over and you can see his small smile as he strokes your cheek, putting his cock back into your mouth and sighing loudly. This time he takes your head and moves it back and forth rather than thrusting, you can see he's trying it out looking at you quizzically while he thinks about what he prefers. He's moving your head excruciatingly slow while watching your lips around him as he smiles in relief slightly. No only was he in heaven because of your lips around him, but he was proud that he'd managed to stay hard for you. 

“Yes, fuck” His eyes didn't move from yours this time, he was usually such a sweet angel but currently he had nothing but lust radiating from his face, his entire body “I’m so hard again for you baby, you feel so good” 

He pulls you off him completely as he kneels down at your level, pushing his lips against yours and his chest pressed up against you. He moved so quickly it took you by shock, one second his cock was inside your mouth and now his lips are against yours as his arms enclosed around your body pulling you close to him. After a few seconds he delicately runs his fingers over your skin, gently gripping your left hand, using your palm to caress his chest as he slides it up towards the collar on his neck, wanting you to feel it. His other hand slowly pulled your right hand down to press against his cock.

“Look what you do to me ____, you’ve always done this to me” voice soft but kisses slightly rushed, the contrast was dizzying. His lips moved and started to kiss your neck, starting at the back of your jaw then down towards the front. He occasionally nips at your skin and you can’t help but whimper, your nipples are so hard and you wish you weren't wearing a bra so you could feel them pressing against his chest “You own me, you make me so hard and needy. You own my heart, my soul, my cock. Take it, please baby take what you own”

His words were like a drug to you, you couldn’t help but want to do everything he asked. You had no idea you'd enjoy hearing him say that you own him as much as you do. Your underwear was ruined now, all because of him. When his words were so sweet, but filthy in your ear as he touched you, you could feel your heartbeat in your pussy as your blood rushed around your body. His hands skirted around your skin feeling your hips, thighs, arms and anything he could get his hands on “Fucking use me, please baby.” This is the most demanding he’d ever sounded, his want to be owned and used making your eyes roll to the back of your head as his lips were still against your neck.

It's with that, that you let out your own growl and pushed him back slightly so he was leaning on his hands, watching you stand up, and take the rest of your clothes off. You threw your bra and underwear to the ground towards him and watched as he crawled over to you discarded panties, bringing them to his nose and smelling them right there at your feet. 

“You really do like my underwear, don’t you baby boy” This isn't the first time he’d sniffed your panties, but usually they were still on your body. He looked so pathetic when he whined over you, his behaviour was completely different now he was crying out needily for you. The contrast in his long toned body that tensed every time his sweet doe eyes cried was unbelievable.

"Can I taste you again? Please I miss it so much". How? How did he look so sweet and innocent while asking form this. You never thought any words could affect you this way. He made your head spin, it made you feel powerful and soft all at the same time and you loved every second of it. Nobody was able to make you feel this confidence, and it was that confidence that currently ran through your body allowing you to freely play around and have fun with him.

You sat back on the edge of the bed looking down at him while he was looking up at your from the floor and started slowly opening your legs. His eyes were stuck in pure bliss, wide open as you bite your lip wanting nothing more than to feel his tongue once again "You wanna eat my pussy, Binnie?"

His head nods up and down, no words coming from his lips. It's amazing how speechless you made him when he made you so loud and proud. He had so much to say when he stood above you but now, but now that he was where he wanted to be, under your control, with your body in front of him, he turned into a mess.

He shuffled on his knees towards you and started kissing up your legs, finger tips ghosting all over your thighs and calves as if you were made of glass, as if one touch could break you. You could feel each kiss get slightly heavier with each passing suck, to a point where his head was between your thighs so close to where you needed him and he was just sucking on the skin, licking it and kissing it over and over.

His hair was so beautifully framing his face as he looked up towards you, his eyes were so shiny and bright, his dimples making him look adorable even after everything the two of you had just done. He took turns looking towards your pussy and then back towards you again. He couldn't get enough of you, he wanted to drive you mad and taste what you had to give him. You just wanted him to devour you. As his face looked at you, you were confused by his frustration until you realized what he was waiting for. Permission. Something else he'd mentioned he loved the idea of.

"You can eat my pussy, baby come here" You quickly laced your hand into his hair and pulled his head towards your centre and he let out the loudest groan as he connected to your pussy making you arch your back instantly.

He was quick with his mouth, making sure to explore every part of you once again. He usually took this much slower, enjoying the moment and the pleasure he brought you but right now his tongue was all over you in long quick strokes. He made sure to touch and devour every part of your centre. You couldn't help the gasp that came out of your mouth with every messy lick and suck he delivered to you. It's been less than two minutes and your eyes are already rolling back in pleasure, his soft tongue really flicking around your clit and your folds in reckless abandon. You could feel the pleasure shooting to your toes.

He was loud and unapologetically enthusiastic, slurping on your folds as he sucked them into his mouth tightly, releasing them only to quickly reconnect with them and groan. It was so soon for your body to be shaking but you couldn’t control it, you were even letting out small laughs in between moans at the sheer surprise that your eyes were rolling back and your body was twitching.

When you looked down you could see his mouth wide open as the tip of his tongue started working on your clit and you just lost it. You tugged on his hair harder accidentally but he loved it. He couldn't help but groan out loud and place his open mouth on you, sticking his tongue inside you and wiggling it around. 

You were struggling to breath and as your eyes continued to roam down you saw how painfully hard his dick was between his legs causing you to let “Fuck, Soobin you’re so good, you love pussy so much don’t you” tumble from your lips. The immediate nod of his head at your words sent your head spinning, you needed him, and you needed him now.

You reluctantly start to pull away from him, your own body angry at your for denying him, but you needed to get fucked so badly you were getting restless. "Fuck baby, shit, come here and fuck me please" and as much as it pained you to pull away from him, you could tell it pained him more.

"No, no no come back please, just a little more" his hands grip around your hips and he moves forward so that he can keep himself attached to you "just a little more I promise"

Rather than licking you this time his tongue plunges straight into your hole again and you can't help but let the whimpers fall from your mouth. Your back finally hit the bed as you allowed yourself to get lost in the pleasure "Just wanna taste you some more."

He was a man obsessed, drunk on pussy as his whimpers left him “Love pussy” - “Love tasting your pussy” - “Wanna eat your pussy forever” His words were nothing but muffled breathless whimpers that vibrated against you and caused the tightness of your orgasm to appear. Each lick was shooting sparks up your body and as he sucks on your clit your body just shakes with pleasure.

"Fuck, Soobin I'm gonna cum" Your words were barely there, maybe even just pants at this point as you stopped thinking about anything but his mouth. How was he so fucking good at this? You could hear him moaning your name between licks and he groaned against your clit every time he sucked it making the pleasure even more intense.

"UGH, please cum, come all over my face please" This was the clearest thing he’d said at this point, his begging for your cum becoming consistent. You started to hump up against his mouth, your hips taking over and doing anything to chase your high.

"Shit baby, Binnie, you're so fucking sexy. So needy for me, shit" your moans were so loud you should have been embarrassed but you weren't, your screaming for him and everything he was doing to you. His head was between your legs, mouth and chin and even the tips of his hair completely soaked as his eyes were closed focusing on his favourite taste. His hands stayed gripped on your thighs tightly holding you in place as he drowned in your pleasure..

"Umhum, so needy, 'm so needy, need you, please cum" His words were frantic as he pulled you closer to his face, not wanting to part with you for even a second as he got you close to your high "Please cum all over me"

At his words your pleasure started bubbling and tightening in your stomach and you knew it wouldn't take you long now. With each flick of his tongue against your body you twitched little bit more "Good boy Soobin, fuck yes I'm gonna cum"

His moans matched to when you were sucking his cock, and you knew he got just as much please eating you out as he did when you went down on him. You kept moaning out loud warnings of your high approaching and that only made his tongue fuck you even faster. When one of his hands finally reached around and started to rub your clit you couldn't help but finally let it all go.

"Fuck! Soobin! Fuck, yes!" Your entire body started shaking and your legs closed tightly around his head as you rode his face through your orgasm, his whimpers only letting you know that he didn't mind one bit. Your toes curled and you completely lost control of your body and voice, back arching and straining yourself, but the pleasure that was running through you was more than you could take as you screamed out for him.

You were slow to come down for your high. It lasted a lot longer than it usually would and all you could hear was Soobin between your legs moaning out in a painstakingly needy voice "More, fuck, more don't ever wanna stop please"

You had to pull yourself away from him or he’d suck all the juices out of your body at this point. If you weren't so out of breath you’d be giggling at the desperation. This time when you moved he didn't follow. He only fell back onto his calves and basked in the moment. His bottom lip was in his mouth as his head hung back, collar round his neck looking so beautiful and shiny. His jaw was clenching as his deep breaths left his nose. 

His cock looked hard as stone as you stared at his body and you were surprised at how quickly you wanted more. Was this how he felt all the time? Needy and ready to fuck you at any point? That's how he said he always felt, even when he wasn't ready to be with you physically he didn't shy away from telling you how much he wanted you. God, it made you feel bad for him. It made you wanna give him everything if he felt like this all the time, but most of all it made you want to give yourself to him "Tell me what you want Binnie?"

His eyes darted open to look at you, who had started to rise back up onto your elbows while you checked up on him. "You, I just want you" he said while nodding his head, agreeing with his own words. 

You didn't want to take your time with him anymore. You didn't want to tease or play you just wanted the pleasure that would finally come with his cock, you’ve just cum, but your pussy feels so fucking empty you just needed to be filled "come up here and fuck me like you've always wanted to"

He was careful about his movements, standing up and crawling over your body scared that you’d change your mind at any second. He moved over you while you moved further up the bed, head now on the pillows, he was hovering above you cautiously.

"Do you want this?" You knew he did, the hardness of his cock let you know that before anything else but the careful demeanour he was showing made you want to make sure. He didn't say anything, only nodded his head quickly forgetting that he could speak.

"No baby, don't nod your head. Tell me." You needed to hear it, mainly to make sure he truly did want this, but also to selfishly allow you to indulge in his need.

"God, yes, I wanna fuck you” You weren’t expecting the strong voice that came with his words, the confidence that came out of the timid man. He lowered his body slightly and started grinding against your pussy, his firm cock pressed against your body nicely as he looked deep into your eyes “wanna fuck you so bad. Wanna fuck you non-stop and hear you cum over and over again. Wanna be good for you baby"

You knew it was mean, but the feeling of him grinding against you had your sensitive pussy gushing all over again making you want to play with him, wanted to tease him one more time before you were to fucked out to do so "Tsk tsk, you sound awfully like a bad boy to me Soobin, a very bad boy" 

The panic that set into his eyes as he placed his forehead on top of you shaking his head in defiance "No! No I'm good for you, so fucking good, only ever good"

You’re not sure what compels you to do it, but you kiss his lips as he cries out for you. A simple but deep kiss and as you pull away, you can feel him trying to keep his lips on yours but you wanna tease him just a little more.

"Good boys don't say such naughty things Binnie" you reach your hand down to grab his ass and push him against you harder moving his hips so his cock aligns with your slit and you both moan out, Soobin slightly stuttering his hips as he tries so hard to control himself.

"I know, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I'm such a fucking pervert. So perverted for you. You make me wanna cum so hard all the time" His eyes were tightly closed now as he continued to fuck against the slick lips of your pussy. You could tell he felt guilty and you knew it was time to stop, time to give him everything he wanted.

"Shhh, baby it's okay" you were soft for him as you raised your hands to his cheek pressing a quick, deep kiss to his lips. He kept going back for more kisses when you pulled away and it made it even more sweet and intimate, you’d never stop kissing him if that's what he wanted. 

His eyes opened "It is? Its it okay, I mean, for me to be naughty and perverted for you?" He was really asking, he needed you to tell him that it was okay. He was really playing into his role, possibly even losing himself into a submissive state completely. You really tried to make this no kinks attached and all romance but clearly Sobin couldn’t help himself, this is what he wanted and what he needed, and you could only oblige.

His cock was thrusting against your pussy and he still managed to make you soft, he made your heart beat faster and slower all at the same time and it would never fail to amaze you. You wanted to make him feel so good, you started to raise your hips slowly against him helping him with the friction.

"Maybe I even kinda like it when you're all perverted and pussy drunk Binnie." You could feel the wetness between your legs getting out of control covering your thighs and you pushed your head back into the pillow slightly moving your face away from him. You bite your lip and spank his ass a little, making him gasp. You grab a handful of his ass cheek and squeeze it in your hand, feeling how tense it is when he grinds on you

"Fuck please tell me you like it, need you to say it baby please" His forehead was pressed against yours now as he asked you tell him you liked him being naughty. His desperation was adorable and so fucking hot that you couldn’t keep teasing him, as much as you both loved it you needed to give him everything, all of you.

"Only if you fuck me good. Like the naughty boy you want to be, " His grinding halted as his head threw back, eyes rolling to the back of his skull, desperation seeping through his groans.

 He never thought he’d like to be called bad or naughty, his submissive side leaning more towards being good but the way you said it made it feel so scandalous that it only served to make his cock harder. He was whimpering and whining now "Yes, yes fuck" he was looking up to the ceiling as you were sure you could see tears starting to spill from his eyes. God, he was so cute like this.

You had to put him out of his misery "How do you want me, Binnie?"

"I.." Your question caught him off guard, obviously unsure of how to answer, his inexperience and need to please shining through "how do you.."

"Ah Ah,” You were quick to interject, you knew he was going to ask you how you wanted to do it, but you needed this to be about him. If he really wasn't sure then you’d help, but you knew Soobin too well. He clearly had preferences and he wasn’t scared to submit to them, you knew that he was asking due to doubt more than anything else, and you were here to eliminate all doubt from his mind “I asked how you wanted it. How does my bad boy wanna fuck me tonight?"

He was slow to crawl back onto his calves, bottom lip sucked into his mouth as he chewed on it slightly. You give him time, allow him to collect his thoughts as you could tell he was trying to ask you something, just planning on how to say it in his mind. "Can you?, erm, can you lie on your front and…"

The words got stuck in his throat a little bit, stumbling and blushing at what he was asking, first time nerves getting the better of him. "You wanna fuck me from behind?" you slowly flipped yourself around and pushed out your ass, face comfortably in the pillows as you danced your hips softly from side to side letting him enjoy the view.

"But lay flat and,... and keep looking at me, still wanna see your face. I mean, please" He was quick to interject with his shakey voice when your face hit the pillow so your head was to the side and you laid your body flat to the bed it made your heart beat fast. Even in times like this, he managed to make it romantic. You loved him so much

You looked over your shoulder, admiring the absolute sight in front of you. "Like this baby?" If you weren't so busy trying to keep your wits about you, making sure this was all perfect for him, then you know you’d have lost your mind just at the sight of him there, on his knees, trapping your legs between his, drooling over you.

"I'm ready Binnie, are you ready?" Ready was an understatement for the both of you. Your pussy was so wet, a mix of your cum and his saliva covering it, ready to be fucked. It'd been so long for you now, and as much as you didn't care how long he needed, you were desperate now he was ready.

"Can you…" his hands reach down to play with your ass cheeks, squeezing and kneading them softly his hands. He parted them slightly so he had a full view of your pussy lips and he moaned with excitement "will you tell me you want me?"

His voice was so soft and cute you could have pouted at him. He flip flops your emotions like nobody else "I want you Soobin" You matched his soft tone as you looked him in the eyes. His big, doe ones were flicking back and forth between you and your pussy.

"I want you so bad, I'm so wet for you" you're egging him on with your words, doing everything you can to make him feel special and wanted, and it worked.

Soobin had little experiance with this so he was still a little clumsy and excited. He shuffled over you, trapping your hips now slighly and started lining his cock up with your cunt.

He was teasing himself and in the process. He'd dip the head of his cock in and pull it out quickly, moaning and groaning while watching for you face contort with the feeling of being filled with just his tip for the first time.

"F" every time he dipped it in you could help but whimpering out fuck, but never managing to finish the word because he'd pull straight back out. "F" the tip of his cock was so fat it was enough to make you crazy, streching your walls so good "Fu" You didn't want to rush him, letting him do what he needed to, to enjoy this as much as he could but you were about to lose your mind. Luckily for you, so was he. "Fuck” finally you managed to get the whole word out, elongated, as he slowly slid his cock inside of you “yes, oh my god!" 

He finally pushed himself in all the way, making you relax into the pillow with your eyes closed, feeling blissful. How nice it felt to be stretched out on his cock finally, it sent you straight to heaven as your pussy started pulsing around him. You were being stretched out for the first time in what felt like years and Soobin's cock stretched you wide, you were finally fully and it was phenomenal.

"Keep watching me please" his voice was breathless as he was quick to set up a steady rhythm.  As you looked back you couldn't help the loud moan you let out. His eyes were glued to where the two of you were joined, sweat beading from his forehead as he gnawed on his bottom lip every few seconds speeding up his thrusts "watch how hard I work for you" 

Every sentence from his mouth made your pussy flutter and your eyes roll back. You loved every little perverted thing that came from his lips. His cock was deep inside you and his grip on your hips was hard as he continued pumping himself I'm and out. All you could hear was the wetness of your pussy along with the whimpers coming from Soobin.

"You" as you tried to praise him his thrusts would knock the breath out of you making you mind go slightly dumber every time "work.so.hard.for.me" you must have resembled a porn star at this point. There was something about his need to have you watch him while he fucked you that was playing with your head, only making your pussy clench and twitch harder around him. 

As your moans got louder and the pleasure got more intense you were starting to lose control of yourself and your body. Declarations of love leaving your mouth constantly "fuck, love you so much, love this so much" and your body shaking the harder he went.

Soobin's head fell back the second he heard you declarations. He was consumed with you, he was annoyed he waited so long and yet so glad he did, because this is perfect "I'm your baby boy, fuck im yours, fuck"

He starts leaning forwards, one hand running through your hair and his face was now closer to your ear, not once ruining his pace that was driving you insane "Want you to cum all over me baby please, ____ please cum for me"

"There! Yes" with the slight shift in angle he started hitting so deep, nudging your G-spot perfectly that you had to cover your mouth with your hand to stop the embarrassing screams you were letting get too loud. With one hand now grasping the pillow and one over your mouth your moans started becoming cries of pleasure.

Despite your attempts though your hand made for a weak silencer. "Binnie you're so fucking good at this" Your words were still clear, much to Soobins glee and it was obvious your orgasm was finally starting to build up again  

"Umhum, just for you ___, just for you, wanna fuck you all night and day. Wanna feel your cream all over me all the time, fuck yes, oh my god, pussy. Pussys so nice" His filthy mouth was unmatched but his constant, random moans for pussy is what was sending the constant tingles to your centre.

His face was now finally next to yours, hand still gripped in your hair, pulling your head up only slightly so you were no longer covering your mouth. The smirk on his face as he heard your moans clearer showed you that's exactly what he wanted.

"Fuck you're are a dirty little pervert aren't you?" You knew that would turn him on beyond belief judging by your prior conversation. It only spurred him to fuck you harder and faster, desperate please and cries leaving his mouth "Fuck, yes, yours"

The clench in your core when he said 'yours' fuck, you were just as into this as he was. Your orgasm maybe have been building slow due to you just having one but this started to feel more intense "Yeah, mine, my dirty little pervert"

"Cum for me, please ___ cum for me again" he was begging so hard, and if he didn't just bury his head in your neck you once again would have seen the tears pricking out of his eyes. His thrusts were becoming sloppy but hard, so hard you body was pushing itself up the bed

"Come back, come back shit, yes." Soobin's hands snaked around your body, squeezing you tight and keeping you still so he could keep hitting that spot that made you scream. You were so tightly confined against him and the bed that you felt trapped, but that only made this all feel better, Soobin was such a pleasure chaser.

"Binnie I'm cumming, I'm gonna cum so hard" Finally your orgasm hit you like a fucking brick. Your entire body shaking on his hold, pussy and legs quivering as you ride out your orgasm wave after wave after wave.

"Cream on me, yes, Fuck, cream all over me" He seemed equally as blissed out as you did. You were held so tightly in his arms that you could barely move when your senses came back to you

You went slightly limp as he shifted himself upwards, sitting up and looking down at you like you were an angel. His eyes were glassy, and one of his hands started to trace around your cheeks delicately. He was enthralled by you, so in love and so turned on just from you. He struggled to understand the emotions he was feeling, never having love and lust play in tandem together like this. 

You didn't know the thoughts that were swimming round in his head at that second but you could tell he was caught up in the moment, a swell of happiness filling both of your hearts as you kissed and held each other. Silence filling the room as you both basked in the moment 

"Shit that felt so fucking good"  You couldn't help but let out a small chuckle, breaking the silence, but as you shuffled you saw Soobin knot his eyebrows together looking distressed. At first you thought you did something wrong, worrying that you ruined a moment that Soobin was still basking in but it didn't take you more than five seconds to realise that wasn't the case.

He was still hard, your mind clouded as you came and you just assumed he did at the same time as you but no, this whole time he's been stiff inside of you probably just waiting to keep going after letting you have your moment.

You slowly started wiggling your hips just to create a small amount of friction between the two of you, testing the waters. "You didn't cum? you still need to cum don't you baby?" 

He was starting to look a little helpless and needy as you moved your hips against him. The once delicate and adoring features turning back into needy whines and a blissed out expression. "Need to cum so bad" it was almost a growl, the deep groan in his voice a complete contrast of the soft features of his face.

You can't help but pull your bottom lip into your mouth, biting on it while watching his expression. You've just come, you have a little more clarity in your mind and all you can think of now is his enjoyment "Awh Bin, let me help you"

You reposition the both of you, you're now sat on his thighs, his body facing yours as he lays underneath you. You used your hands to stroke his legs, body, arms, anywhere you could to reassure him that you were still here with him.

As your fingers reached up to his neck, you gently tugged on the collar, slowly outlining the metal letters that spell put your name. "Play with yourself, think of me, and play with yourself"

His reaction was immediate "Ah, ah" his hands flew down to his cock as he started pumping it. You sat up, giving him all the access he needed to his own body. You've watched him play with himself before, it was one of your favourite things, but you've never been this close,always giving him a comfortable amount of space. 

"That's it baby, tell me what you're thinking" you could tell he was enjoying this. His head is thrown back into the pillows but his eyes aren't leaving yours. He didn't care about how he looked or what he was doing, he just enjoyed every second of the feeling.

Once again you worried you were taking it too far, but the excited and sloppy way he pumped his cock showed you this was exactly what he wanted. 

You stroked his thighs as you encouraged him to find his voice "Come on Bin, tell me what you're thinking of"

"Thinking of filling you up" one of his free hands reached out to squeeze your thigh as his words came out in breathy pants  "thinking of you riding me and kissing me. Thinking of you claiming me. Shit I'm so close"

You couldn't stop yourself. You needed to give him everything. "Is it anything like this baby?" Sliding your body up you position yourself so the tip of his cock touched your entrance and you slowly slid down on it, rolling your eyes back and quickly starting to bounce up and down on him.

You don't take time with him, you want him to cum and you want him to cum quickly. You’re so full of him that it's hard to keep your composure. The temptation to just sit on it and grind your hips, feeling him touch everything inside you, but no, this was about him. "God! Yes! It's better, fuck you're so much better".

"Soobin, my sweet, good, baby boy." Words of praise kept slipping from your mouth, a babbling mess of love and need all for him. He isn’t fairing any better. He's just as lost for words. High pitched moans coming from his mouth as his eyes don't leave your tits, breath lost and little whimpers of the word ‘Pussy’ leaving his lips.

"Fuck, Binnie, are you pussy drunk?” at your words he throws his head back into the pillows and starts nodding wildly. His hands start running through his pretty locks and his back starts to arch as the moans and whimpers only get louder and louder. He's close, and the arching of his back makes his hips move and push deeply inside of you making you lose composure 

“Cum inside me" At this point it was more of a demand. You weren’t sure how much more you could take while keeping it all about him. He was hitting his peak and you wanted to feel it. You’d found a much more dominant side to you as you watched him writhing around in pleasure on the sheets as you did everything to bring him pleasure. 

"Shit cum inside me right now" and he did. He did exactly as you asked, noticeably enjoying the demands that were coming out of your mouth. His arms engulfed your body pulling your chest against his as his hips buck inside you harshly. His body shakes as he starts whining loudly in your ear as his cum fills you up. 

You could feel his cock inflating inside of you and it made your eyes roll back. It was perfect, and as his body stopped shaking as hard and his arms around you started to loosen up and you slowly rolled off his body making sure to keep contact with him though, letting him know you weren’t going anywhere

He was breathless, body completely spent as he kept his body close against yours tucking his head into your shoulder where he could.

“Soobin, that was amazing” You could see his blush on his face, but no words left his mouth. He felt shy. You knew him well enough to know that. All you did was kiss his head and allow him time to bask in the bliss of the moment staying with him for as long as he needed and making sure that he was never reluctant to be intimate again.

[allastoredeer]

No hate, just asking.

So you just personally like bottomAlastor and make every ship with him as bottom because of your personal likes. But this works the same way with bottomLucifer. People liking it and making him bottom in any ship. Or liking topAlastor and making him top in every ship. Maybe there are people who just go with trends in ship dynamics, but a lot of shippers just like it without any 'making mlm into hetero' meaning. Yes even when making Lucifer a bit more feminine since they do it in every ship simply cause more feminine Lucifer does things to them.

Exactly 👉👉 people like what they like and they don't need to defend or give me a list of reasons why they like it. I figured people liked bottom!Lucifer or top!Alastor because it scratches that itch for them (much like me with bottom!Alastor), otherwise they wouldn't be writing/drawing it at all.

It's why I don't seek out fans I disagree with or lurk on their pages/blogs to bombard them with reasons why I, personally, don't like how they depict radioapple (and because that's just a shitty thing to do in general, and no should be doing that. That's a one-way ticket to turning fandom into a very toxic place).

I keep my opinions and thoughts to my blog page for that reason. This is place where I can write about the things I like and dislike, post my art and fics, and interact with fans who share the same thoughts and feelings as I do. I'm sure a lot of fans would disagree, but, to me, most of the depictions of radioapple that I've seen come off as incredibly hetero coded, and a lot of the way Alastor is drawn/written squicks me out, especially when he tops. And that's not in the way that he's overly sexualized or anything, imma gonna sexualize that man to my heart's content, but Alastor's ace identity means a lot to me, and a lot of the time I just...don't feel it with him.

Now there's no "correct" way to write an ace character, as its a spectrum. There isn't a checklist of things you HAVE to follow. But with Alastor, especially when it's in a written work - especially when it's HIS pov - he doesn't feel ace. You can't tell that someone is ace based on how they talk or act - not usually - just like you can't assume a man is gay based on how he runs or talks, or a woman a lesbian because she has a short haircut. But in his POV, we're supposed to be in his head, we're seeing his thoughts and emotions. It's the perfect time to explore what he feels and thinks about relationships, sex, and everything in between, and yet most of the time he reads like any other non-ace character. It's like there's no real thought or consideration given to his identity and the experiences that come with it. Asexuality is more than "don't like sex" or "only like sex sometimes," there's so much more to it than that.

But I also know that this may be the first time some people are interacting or playing with an ace character, and just the fact that they're trying - however unintentionally aphobic it comes off sometimes - the effort is appreciated.

It's a real back and forth thing for me, obviously, LOL fandom culture and spaces can be so frustrating but so fascinating at the same time.

I don't think anyone is intentionally making the ship hetero, nor do they mean to - and besides, this is how I feel, and I know everyone isn't going to feel the exact same way. I'm sure there are people who see it as a very queer relationship, and I'm not going to judge or fight them over it. Everyone has different perspective, after all.

At the end of the day, I don't mind bottom!Lucifer (I see him as a switch, so he definitely enjoys bottoming), I just don't like how he's written/drawn with top!Alastor. It's the depiction of it that turns me off. I've seen top!Alastor and bottom!Lucifer art before that I have liked, but its few and far between, and overall not worth diving into to root out the few pieces I've enjoyed.

I like feminine Lucifer, but not to the extent that I've seen. I like the masculine side of him too, especially because he's a shortie. I like masculine Alastor, but I adore his feminine side. Alastor exudes so much gender, it's insane. He pulls off masculine, feminine, and even non-binary so well. He's versatile ❤️ And it aggravates me when he's depicted as super masculine and all the other stuff is toned down, if not stripped away.

But, like I said, that's why I stay in my little corner and I focus on what I enjoy. Ranting about things you don't like in fandom isn't bad, especially with fans that agree with you. It's very cathartic actually, and I've felt more connected with the fandom than I have since the show aired. it's only when you make your emotions, thoughts, and opinions other people's problems that it becomes a negative thing.

I'm not here to rain on people's parades, so I support, encourage even, that those who do like the things I dislike (and don't enjoy seeing me clown on them) block me. No hard feelings from me. I get it.

Damn, these posts really run away from me. They get so much longer than I intend XD

But anyway, I'm glad people are having fun with super feminine bottom!Lucifer and super masculine top!Alastor, that's the whole point of fandom, but it just isn't for me, at all, and I will likely continue to rant/clown on it with the fans who also share my opinion. I'm not going to shove it anyone's face of course, I'm keeping it to my blog, and I am A-okay with being blocked if that's not something people want to see 😊

[heyhilana]

Say Yes (Javier Peña and Horacio Carrillo)

Summary: Carrillo and Peña work closely with you during the takedown of Escobar. With tension rising between you three and you inviting them in to your apartment, a drink turns into everything you fantasized about and more.

A/N: Ha, remember when I posted this accidentally? Welp, that's what happens when you don't check your queue for a few months LMAO. But at last, it's here after many months of writing this on and off since this was a new challenge for me as I've never written a threesome before. I'm 90% sure this is right because I'm running off of low sleep and I will come back to edit this if I need to but I hope you enjoy! As always, drink water and stay beautiful 💚

Pairing: Javier Peña and Horacio Carrillo x !f reader (I believe that's how you do it pls correct me if I'm wrong)

Warnings: (A list whew and I was even thinking about dp but another time) Light spanking, hair pulling, cunt spanking, f and m receiving oral, p in v penetration (don't be silly wrap it up like candy) cumshot on stomach, cumshot on tongue. I think that's it but I will add more if I need to :)

Tagged: @squidlywiddly87 (uh now you can read this LMAO but I hope you enjoy!)

Word count: 7.7k (I promise this was supposed to be shorter)

“Care to come up for a drink?” An innocent question led to a night that was unforgettable if it could be put into words. It sparked something that the three of you were oblivious to. There was tension between the three of you, a sexual tension to be exact, but it was unspoken due to work. Murphy would make note of it, seeing how Carrillo and Peña would look at you when it was ridiculously hot out, you having to strip off a layer or two to keep yourself cool. Your shirt would cling to your body due to the sweat, outline your breasts more than the shirt would do when you weren’t sweating.

He would also make note of how you would take notice of how their shirts would cling to their muscles, seeing how sculpted their bodies were. Carrillo’s arms were…intimidating for some people. But for you, they were what led to a pool of arousal to form in your underwear. Those pants that Javi would wear, that would shape the lower half of his body, mainly his butt, well, you always wondered what it looked like without his clothes on. The three of you thought that you were discreet about the lust that you had for each other, but Steve always took note of it, just to see the annoyed expressions on either one of your faces.

Was he wrong? Not exactly. It was obvious that there was something between the three of you, a carnal desire that was mistaken for something so little, almost nothing in your lives. Sure, there was flirting exchanged from the three of you. One-liners coming from both Carrillo and Peña that would leave you blushing. You playing with their stuff like taking Peña’s aviators or taking Carrillo’s walkie talkie, forcing them to chase after you and grab you, making you all feel slightly aroused by the close proximity that you all shared. It was friendly on the surface, but it was bordering a line of no return. You all were determined to keep it as nothing more, nothing less.

But the lines were getting closer to being blurred by touching each other. It was more frequent, and it was getting harder to never let it drift down to where it was actually needed. You longed for a touch on the arm to go to them grabbing your breasts, just like they longed for you to go to palming them in their pants. And maybe it had to go further with them going under your shirt, getting a chance to let their rough, calloused hands touch your soft skin. Maybe it was necessary for you to reach down, going to their underwear to feel the thin material only making their erections more prominent. Maybe it was necessary to just strip everything off, to act on impulse and do what felt right in that moment. After all, protocol could be broken in desperate measures.

Needless to say, it wasn’t hard to let your mind go down a road of endless possibilities of having just one of them take you, perhaps letting both of them take you. Late nights alone in your apartment could be filled with you moaning their names, one hand down your cotton shorts and the other palming your breast, letting profanities slip out as you drew yourself closer to an orgasm. You thought of having one fucking you senseless and the other fucking your face, neither one of them taking any action in slowing down their actions. How they could edge you closer to an orgasm, but deny it in the last second, seeing you whine at the loss of their touch that was a drug to you. You thought of how they would love to see you beg for more, to fuck you harder, to let you cum, to make you forget the day’s events until you were seeing white.

You just wished that they would take you one day so that you wouldn’t have to wonder how big they actually were in those pants that would occasionally outline their cocks. The image of them right before you, their cocks painfully hard and waiting to fill your mouth up and reach the back of your throat. To feel those soft, delicate hands of yours wrap around it, pumping it slowly and making eye contact with them as you did it, batting those eyelashes at them before taking them in your mouth again was what brought you on the brink of an orgasm. The image of them waiting to take you so they could ruin everything about you, leave you with your makeup running down your face and a hoarse voice from all the screaming of their names would be imprinted in your brain.

And in their respective homes your name could be escaping their lips, their hand down their boxers, pumping slowly and letting a finger circle around the tip, wishing it was your tongue on their cock. They wanted to look down to see that mouth of yours stretched wide open, trying to fit their cock in your mouth so it could reach new depths. They wanted to thrust into your mouth, grab your hair so they could take control while you took it all like the good girl that you were. They wanted to hear and feel you gag on their cocks, making them grunt and whisper sweet nothings to you about how you were doing a good job of taking them with no complaints.

Sweat would be dripping down their face as they thought of taking you in the office after seeing you in a tight blouse and equally tight pants, just wanting to rip the blouse open and hear the buttons fall on the floor as they took a breast out of your bra to suck on them, hearing soft moans come out one by one from you before they just took you on the fucking desk. Out in the open to relieve some stress and try to see who could make the other cum first before going home to finish the activities. Or even after a night of going out and going back to each other’s homes like this one, maybe acting on impulse to kiss you instead of watching you walk in, seeing the way your pants cuffed your ass the way they would cuff it with their hands.

The fantasy was alive in your minds, but you guys wouldn’t act on it. Escobar was what mattered, not having Pena and Carrillo strip you naked and take you until you just couldn’t take it anymore, your sensitivity making it impossible to take it from either one of them. Them fucking you until your juices are just coating their fucking cocks, screaming so fucking loud that the cars that drive by are barely audible. Them getting off on seeing you in a state of euphoria, the high of cumming multiple times would have you see white as your eyes rolled back. But Escobar was the top priority, and impulsive decisions were never good. They were unnecessary risks that led to consequences that the faint hearted couldn’t handle.

“One drink won’t hurt, right?” Peña looked at you, and then Carrillo. Carrillo was hesitant, not knowing what one drink would do. One drink was the fatality of all morally right decisions. It could be the drink that led to answers of questions that a sober person would normally omit. It could be a detriment to a friendship, a relationship even. It could change the dynamics of how you would all look at each other, knowing how you all were in a different environment without the looming pressure of catching Escobar on your minds. To let all the stress, whether it would be mental, emotional, or physical just escape for once. That was what one drink could do, but was it worth it?

“Just say yes. That’s all you gotta do.” You bit your lip as you said it, your fingers twirling your keys as you waited for his answer. Were you trying to entice Carrillo by biting your lip? Yes, but what would a little lip bite do to someone? It wouldn’t hurt anyone. What would hurt would be how they would take you objectively, just as you imagined they would. A pain that would be worth feeling as it drew you closer to climaxing and fulfilling a fantasy that was created in the depths of your mind the moment you transferred down to Columbia and laid your eyes on the two of them.

“Yes,” With the way that he said it, it was almost as if he was trying to familiarize himself with that word. After all, it was used in a context of agreeing to go upstairs to a woman’s apartment that he’s been waiting to fuck for as long as he could remember. A smile tugged at your lips from his response and you went to open the door, feeling both of their eyes on your ass. You decided to make it interesting for you by dropping your keys, bending down to reach them, putting your ass out on the forefront for them to look at and long to touch, as were you longing to have them touch you in the most intimate of places.

You finally opened the door, turning on the light and placing your keys on the table, moving out of the way so they could walk in. You took notice of their outfits, Carrillo in that dark green outfit that was a tad bit too tight around his arms, highlighting how strong he was on top. You looked over to Pena, seeing that his shirt was unbuttoned, sweating near his neck which only made it harder to ignore how his neck was a turn on for you. It was just so strong, and it only looked hotter when he was angry. The way his neck would be flexed, the tension reminding you of how his arms would be flexed when he would be man-handling a suspect. You forced yourself to peel your eyes away from them and walked over to the kitchen, going to the refrigerator. Knowing that beer was the “safer” option for three of you, you pulled out three bottles, feeling that wine would be a bit too formal for a night like this.

You handed them the beer after opening it up for them, letting your fingers brush past theirs. You wondered how they would feel on the rest of your body, caressing it or making it a point to feel pain that was more so pleasure for you. You walked back over to the kitchen to get your beer, taking a small sip, letting the alcohol enter your body after a day of no success in catching Escobar. It was disappointing, to say the least. You guys were putting your lives on the line, with no avail. Escobar was always two, three, maybe even four steps ahead of you guys and there was no one to turn to except each other.

The police? Not a chance with the way they were all on a payroll for Escobar and every other drug lord that could pay them off. The Columbian Government? They were just as bad as the police, maybe even worse as they were the ones setting the example for the police to follow. Your government? They were no help to you guys as their actions were the complete opposite of what they said they were doing on television. All they wanted was to ensure that they could get some money out of this and to have the chance to play captain on a boat that was sinking. The president could lie all he wanted to on television, to say that they were making progress in something that was only going to go down in flames in the end. But the fact of the matter was you were the ones that were out there that could see the lies. The government only wanted the glory of saying that they helped with the war on drugs, if you could even it call it that.

Were you guys perfect? No, not in the slightest bit. You got your hands dirty in the line of war, even when you wanted to stay dry for just one day. Blood covered your hands no matter how hard you scrubbed it off. It was still there, in memory. No number of promotions, awards, or congratulations from those that knew or didn’t know the situation at hand could make you guys feel relieved in what it was that you guys did every single day. It changed you guys, whether you believed it or not. You were not the same as you guys were before the wild goose chase of finding and capturing Escobar was set into motion. You saw things you wished to forget, did things that haunted your dreams, and wondered if everything that you guys were doing was for a noble cause.

In theory it was, saving the people from drugs that destroyed families, homes, and could bring down anyone that was against it. But in reality? It was just politics, something that you hated for as long as you could remember. Politics that only worked in your favor when it was something that could suit the ones in power. It was bullshit, but so was everything about this war on drugs and capturing Escobar. You needed a break from the bullshit that surrounded your life as a person trying to capture someone so far out, and so did they.

So, one drink was what brought things to a haze of some sorts, to where you said things that you would normally keep to yourself. You made a few flirtatious comments, letting the alcohol do the talking that you wouldn’t dare say with a sober mind. You guys all went over to your couch, and you were in between the two of them, Peña to your left and Carrillo to your right. The tv was on, playing a black-and-white Columbian movie that none of you guys were paying attention to.

Your beers were slowly dwindling away with each sip and the conversation started to take a turn from light to heavy. You felt yourself relax a tad bit, seeing them relax too and look more alive. You got another drink for the three of you, and the more the alcohol entered your bodies, the closer you got to making rash decisions. You would touch them in places that you only thought of when you would touch yourself, needing a release of some sort without taking it too far. Maybe the lack of eating made it easier to have the alcohol take over quickly, or maybe you were just done waiting for something that needed to happen. They did the same but were more subtle as they wanted to tread carefully, not wanting to blur the lines of friendship over a misunderstanding.

By the fifth round, it was decided that they would crash at your place for the night, seeing as though they couldn’t even call a cab for themselves without slurring their words. You felt yourself become wet at the thought of them staying over, knowing that they would only be in the next room over instead of being a drive away. You weren’t sure if your drunk self could keep your fantasies hidden away with that in mind, and they weren’t sure if they could last knowing that you were in the other room, in skimpy clothing that barely kept you cool with how hot it was down in Colombia.

Suddenly there was less space between the three of you, your arms brushing against one another and they leaned in closer to you, to where you could smell the hints of cologne that sent you on a frenzy. Maybe sometime in between they both made the accusation that you moaned when you got a whiff of their scent, but you only laughed, knowing that they had no clue as to how you really moaned when you were being pleasured. You playfully hit them, letting your touch linger a bit longer than it should’ve. You felt the goosebumps rise on their skin with your touch. The hair on their necks would stand tall as you leaned on either one of their shoulders, and you could feel goosebumps on your skin rise as they would casually place a hand on your thighs, to just grab something that was across from them. Their hands were strong and were interesting to look at, seeing that they held stories that you didn’t know about.

Their eyes would be a tell-tale sign that they had seen the horrors of trying to dismantle a drug cartel. But their hands were the proof of them trying to make a difference. They would move your hair out of your face, taking their time in studying your features. You were all treading on uncharted territory that was dangerous, but danger was what was needed in life. Danger was the fire that would keep you alive. To burn brighter and higher as you took chance after chance to live a life that was only shown in the movies.

Deciding to stop drinking after the fifth round, you got up, placing both of your hands on one of their thighs to balance yourself. You could feel them tense up from your hands gripping their thighs, but they didn’t say anything about it. You took their beers as they were done, and you brought them over to the kitchen to throw them out. You were getting ready to get some water when you heard them whispering. You couldn’t make out what they were saying but you figured it was nothing serious. Suddenly, they got up and went into the kitchen. You turned around and saw them eyeing you, making you feel hot. Their stare made you question whether or not you could last until you went to bed. You went to go to another part of the kitchen, but they got closer to you. You took a sip of your water, needing something to cool you off as you felt hotter with them being so close to you.

As you went to turn, Horacio came up behind you, placing his hands on your hips and dipping his head to bring it closer to your neck, his breath fanning it. Javier was in the front, looking down as he took his fingers and brought them to your chin, lifting it up ever so softly. You stared into those deep but gentle eyes where his irises had bloomed from the arousal that was building from the time he walked into your apartment.

You felt the heat rise to your cheeks and you bit your lip, seeing that had a reaction on Peña as he let out a slight groan at the sight of your teasing. Horacio let his hands drift down to get closer to your clothed core, something that you longed for. While Horacio went south, Javier ventured away from the northern area and went to grab your breasts, lightly squeezing them. It felt so fucking good to be touched after such a long time of being denied of that desire.

“Bonita, don’t fight it. Let go.” Javier could sense that you were trying to hold back, not wanting to give in just yet. Horacio hummed in agreement as he continued to kiss your neck, wanting to make it easier on their end to get you to stop holding back. You let out a soft moan, barely audible once Javi got to your shirt, opening the buttons and letting his fingers touch your breasts. Horacio let his hands unbutton your pants, not needing to see what he was doing. Perhaps he had a lot of experience like his partner did.

“Just say yes. That’s all you gotta do.” Horacio mimicked your words from earlier as he let his hand go into your underwear, feeling how your arousal has been building for the both of them. Javier unbuttoned your shirt entirely, letting your lacy blue bra be exposed. You knew that you couldn’t fight it anymore. You managed to catch your breath and open your eyes, still seeing Javi’s eyes transfixed on to you, waiting for your answer.

“Yes,” You breathed out, feeling Horacio’s fingers go down where they needed to be at. Javi wasted no time in capturing your lips, and you moaned in his mouth as his lips were the perfect blend of beer and cigarettes and Horacio had gotten down to putting his fingers in between your lips, gathering your slick to then rub your clit.

“How long have you been like this for? Were you just going to go in your room and get yourself off without a little help?” Horacio whispered in the shell of your ear, rubbing nice and slow, making your hips roll with him. You continued to kiss Javi but Horacio’s words made your face burn with heat, moaning slightly in the other’s mouth as Javi touched you all over.

“Let’s take this to the bedroom,” Javi said in between kisses. You all separated but it wasn’t until Horacio carried you bridal style to the room where it finally hit you that this was happening. This was not a fantasy no longer. No, the two men that you were torn between choosing wanted you just as much as you wanted them. If that was not enough to send you over the moon, the way you were placed on the bed and both of them staring down at you, waiting to ravish you was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Javi turned to Carrillo, and the grins they both shared before moving over to you made your stomach drop. Before you knew it, your clothes were being discarded, shirt thrown to the side, your bra unclasped, pants shimmying down with your panties and you were helping them without a second thought, now with you completely naked and them still fully clothed.

“Let’s see how pent up you are,” Carrillo murmured, him trailing up to you to kiss you and Javi traveling down to your exposed sex, his fingers drumming in between your thighs to get them open.

“Open up for me, cielo.” Javi commanded as you were slowly getting lost in Carrillo’s kiss, his much rougher and hasty than Javi’s. You opened up and soon you felt that fluffy hair nuzzling between your thighs before he used his plump lips to suck on your clit. You moaned into Carrillo’s mouth as his hand traveled to your breasts to pinch and tease your raised nipples, the added sensation making you lose focus. You were biting Carrillo’s lip here and there as your hand was moving down to his pants, rubbing his prominent bulge that you were pleasantly surprised about. Before you could do much more, he moved his hands away to undo his belt, pulling down his pants in one swift move after.

Immediately you were clawing at Horacio’s shirt, trying to get the buttons undone so you could feel him, pull him closer to you so that when your peak reached you could fall apart with him all over you. He laughed in between feverish kisses over your neediness, pulling off his shirt too as he pulled away from you, your mouth falling agape as you realized that everything you thought about him was right and then some.

“How does she taste?” Horacio asked as he was stroking himself in his briefs.

“Like heaven,” Javi pulled his head up to speak and dove right back down without a second thought, making you whine more. Horacio captured your lips once more as he was moving his hand between both of your breasts, nipples become overly sensitive from it all. You didn’t know what to focus on more, but with the way Javi sucked on your clit and licked with the perfect balance, not letting up as if it was his last meal unlocked something in you. There was no guy that was more enthusiastic about eating you out the away Javi was. He put his all into it, occasionally licking from bottom to top, top to bottom to get every drop in your slit, giving you a minute to catch your breath before he went back to your bundle of nerves which made you arch your back. But when the deft fingers that you always found yourself getting lost into looking at slipped into your sex, the band of control snapped.

You moved your hand back down to tease Horacio, slipping your hand under the waistband of his briefs to touch him, semi hard already which put a smile on your face. But that smile soon went away as you felt Javi curling his fingers as he pushed them in and out, lightly grazing your spot as he sucked on your clit a little faster, matching the same pace as when he pushed in. You were a mess, sweat beading down your body, hands trying to find someone to grip to hold yourself together, and you were willing to lose yourself because of their ministrations for a lifetime. And so you did, the way Carrillo’s tongue slipped into your mouth, the twist of your nipple, the curl of Javi’s fingers, the way your bundle of nerves were sent over the edge, you were a goner. Blinding pleasure took up your body, mind, and soul as you stilled in stroking Carrillo’s cock and your legs tightened around Javi’s head. But neither of them stopped working you through it, only continuing and slowing little by little until you were done. With that, they moved away from and marveled at how you looked, the smirks on their face making you want more.

“You sure you’re ready for more?” Javi cooed, and you frantically nodded your head as you got up. Horacio was only in his briefs but Javi was still clothed, making you pout. He realized what you wanted so he undressed so he did as you moved to the edge of your bed. Horacio decided it would be more fun if he kissed your neck while you watched, and the show was more than you expected. You knew that Javi’s golden skin was meant to be worshipped, but to see him half naked as his white shirt was pulled off, undoing his belt as he took off his pants, briefs coming down with them as his cock hard, precum leaking when you didn’t even get the chance to touch him as much as you wanted to.

“Someone likes what they see,” Carrillo whispered in your ear, making chills run through you. He came back around and you realized he took off his briefs as well, leaving them naked right in front of you. Without much thought, you got on your knees, getting close to them. If this was how they were now, you wondered how they kept it together being around you so much. You took both of them in your hands, pumping slowly and looking up at them, seeing Javi gripping the bed and Carrillo trying to hold it together by biting his lip, blood threating to seep out if he bit down any harder.

“Who should I start with?” You batted your eyelashes at them, looking down at their cocks and seeing the precum leaking out over your finger.

“Do what feels right,” Javi encouraged, so you took his, still pumping Carrillo with a little more speed and kitten licking the tip to catch the precum, the salty taste making you smirk. You began to suck the tip, looking up at him with the innocent eyes you always teased him with, you both knowing that there was just a glint hidden in between your stare that meant something else, something beyond professionalism. Seeing that he was straining himself to not thread his other hand in your hair, you went ahead and began to take him all, no more teasing after dreaming of this for so long.

“That’s it, take it all,” Javi praised, grip on the bed getting tighter, his knuckles turning snow white. You flattened your tongue and began to take more of him with ease, and the guttural groans escaping his mouth you were in pure ecstasy. You kept bobbing your head, matching the pace of stroking Carrillo’s cock, your fingers swiping over his tip or you gagging on Javi’s cock. You didn’t care about how used you were for the moment, just that your biggest fantasy was coming true.

“Go please him now, pretty girl.” Javi pulled you off of his cock, and you shifted over to Carrillo, wetness dripping to your thighs with the way he looked at you. Instantly, he wrapped his hand around your hair and spat on his cock, getting it nice and ready before you were beginning to take him in your mouth, the stark contrast between the two driving you insane as you loved the gentle nature of Javi but Horacio’s roughness was just enough to make you want more.

“That’s it, let me fuck that pretty face,” He was thrusting into your mouth and you were taking it, Javi deciding to move your hand away to stroke himself and watch you in the act. You could feel yourself gagging here and there, his sheer size making your work overtime to take him, but when he would hold your head in place to fuck your mouth, you couldn’t help but moan. When you slapped his thigh to let you up, he did, bending down to kiss you afterwards.

“I knew with how much you talk I could put that mouth to good use,” He whispered in your ear as they both help you back up to your feet. Your jaw was a little sore, but it made you excited as you wondered what the stretch would be for you where you needed them most. Hell, if you knew this was going to happen you would’ve trained your other hole to take them both at the same time, feeling them both thrust in and out, the fullness that you craved from them finally being achieved. You pictured laying on Javi’s soft body, back flushed against his chest, his cock halfway in your hole, and Carrillo holding your legs up as he pushed in and out, the stretch making you cry from so much overstimulation as you would rub your clit to match his thrusts. You needed that to happen if this would happen again between you three, but you settled for laying back down on the bed and Carrillo and Javi joining you.

“Who do you want to go first?” Javi asked, hand rubbing in between your legs.

“Depends on what position you both want me in.”

“I want to see you. All of you,” Javi moved his hand down further, index finger swiping over your clit to make you buck your hips. “And considering how much this one looks at your ass, I think he’ll want you from the back. Am I wrong?” You both looked at him, and the amused smile confirmed it all.

“He’s right. Now choose cariño.”

“I want Javi to go first.”

“Say no more, bonita.” He kissed your cheek and moved down, putting his hand sin between your legs to open you up. Carrillo got up and started to stroke himself right above your mouth.

“I’m happy I get to use your pretty mouth once more,” You were smiling as he looked down at you, the way the moon was highlight the sharpness of his body, trailing its way up from his stomach to his chest, to the strong neck that you could see yourself leaving marks on. Your eyes shot back down to his cock however, still glistening and the tip leaking more with precum. You sat up and he tapped his cock against your lips, making you take him in your mouth to stop the teasing. You moved your head as best as you could but when he took control and fucked your mouth again, his cock hitting your throat repeatedly, you were moaning as you enjoyed how he used you, and how you could feel Javi gathering up slick from between your lips to smear on his cock.

“Such a good slut for him,” He murmured as he climbed on top of you and was rubbing the tip of his cock in between your folds, tip hitting your clit especially and rubbing around to make you jump. He pushed in without warning, the stretch making you moan loudly and Carrillo stilling inside your mouth. Your walls fluttered around him as he pushed in more, nice and slow to feel you, take his time with you. You could see from your peripheral the way he was biting his lip, holding it together as he softly sweared under his breath.

“So fucking wet, all for us,” He bent down to whisper it in your ear, making you clench more around his cock. He rutted inside of you, making sure every ridge and curve would be felt. It was a slower pace, but you figured he was slow as you were a little preoccupied with how Carrillo was still using you until he pulled you off, letting you rest your head back down on the bed.

“I want to watch. Give me a show,” Carrillo kissed your forehead and moved off to the side, leaving you to focus completely on Javi. He thrusted with more consistency, skin slapping as you could feel the curve brushing against your walls. You clawed at his back, trying to hold it together as you didn’t think in a million years that he would feel this good in just a few thrusts.

“Javi, fuck, you feel so good,” You were whining more, legs wrapping around him.

“That’s it baby, let it all out.” He cooed in your ear as he went a little faster, the speed finally giving you what you needed. It was as though you two were rocking a little, both wanting the other to pull out but the fullness you had and how your velvety walls clung around his size made it impossible to want to pull out fully. All you knew was that in this moment, you would go into any position for them just so that you could feel both of them fill you up in different angles. Tips pressing up near your spot, the stretch, the way your walls would cling to them out of desperation, everything you could want was happening as you moaned while sucking Carrillo’s cock and Javi was realizing how no matter how much he would tighten his hand it never matched to how you felt.

Javi’s hand snuck down in between you and the flick of his finger on your clit made you jolt, a sharp moan coming out of you and going right to Carrillo as he thrusted into your mouth a little more. Toying with you, he would match his thrusts and slap your clit a little making you whimper before rubbing it to soothe you. Before you could pull him out of your mouth to say anything, you came with a force so heavy it blinded you, the moan coming from deep inside you that vibrated through Carrillo as you moaned. Javi rode you through it while Carrillo continued to use you.

“You loved being used like this don’t you? A little slut for the two of us.” You hummed in agreement which made Carrillo buck his hips into your mouth more.

“Do that again and I might have to fuck your pretty face again,” Carrillo half warned, half made a promise on it. You contemplated on it, but the idea of testing your luck with the man that scared and also turned you on got the best of you. So you did, and the way he took hold of your hair and thrusted relentlessly made you tighten around Javi’s cock.

“Keep tightening around me, hermosa,” The strain in his voice, knowing that he was fucking into you harder, faster, all too consuming while you were testing the limits with your throat, jaw-slacked and looking up at him with the doe eyes that both of them loved once you regained control of yourself. How you managed to breathe through your nose and take it even when he barely pulled out of your mouth to let you breathe was beyond your understanding, but to have both of them was worth it.

“Gonna make him cum, little one?” You hummed in response as Javi’s death grip on your hips loosened and you unwrapped your legs, him pulling out and painting a nice cum shot on your stomach, thick ropes of cum that made you tighten around nothing. He was out of breath, perspiration lining his skin, biting his lip even. He squeezed the tip more to get some more out, and Carrillo pulled out of your mouth. You brought your hand down to get some on your fingers, swiping it up and tasting it. You could see Javi shutter and Carrillo transfixed by the way you lapped it up with each venture down to your stomach and back to your mouth.

“Cleaning up your mess like I knew you would,” Javi moved down to kiss the top of your head as you tasted the last bit of it, enjoying the saltiness of it all. “But how are you feeling?”

“I feel fine. Little tired but I can go on.” You were still catching your breath but the haze that was clouding your mind made you want to go on for more.

“You sure? I don’t want to push you.” Carrillo, surprisingly soft, pushed your hair back.

“If I can’t go anymore, I’ll stop.” You smiled at him and he held back a groan. How could you look so pretty below him?

“You think you can take me?” He countered, and the thought of being stretched out further excited you more than it should’ve. Oh, how did you last this long without having them?

“Doesn’t hurt to try now does it?” The glint in your eyes stoked the fire inside of him that he thought was already burning red hot the moment he entered your apartment.

“That’s a good girl. Turn around for me.” You turned around and got on all fours, facing your mirror and the window which let the moonlight shine on all three of you. He got behind you, hands settled right near your love handles and pulled you towards him, just when you could feel the curve of his dick pressed against your slit, rubbing right in between.

“Look at you coating my fucking dick, baby,” Slapping your ass, you jolted as he pressed the tip near your hole. “And now I get to feel you.” And he pushed in a little roughly, the stretch almost unbearable as you didn’t think you could take either one of them. But you did, the slow yet strong pumps to test you out was eliciting the wanton moans that could be heard out the window. Javi reached down to you and kissed your temple, tilting your head so you could look at him.

“Such a good girl. Don’t stop, bonita.” He pushed the stray hairs out of your face as you took the slow increase in speed from Carrillo, the tip brushing your walls with each thrust. Javi grabbed one of your breasts and teased your nipple, pinching lightly. You bit your lip as the pain and pleasure mixed together, building with each second that passed. You couldn’t see much but both Javi and Carrillo were looking in the mirror, watching you with intensity. Although Javi was through, he felt a jolt go through him as he helped you get off. Carrillo took glances at your ass and your reflection in the mirror, getting harder at the site of you arched down, taking it him whole.

“Ay, ella se siente increíble,” Carrillo threw his head back a little as you started to meet him halfway, your breath hard to catch as you were beginning to get overstimulated. Javi met you down to your face and kissed your temple, mumbling sweet nothings in Spanish that if you could translate you would probably flutter around Carrillo.

“Baby, take a look at yourself in the mirror.” He whispered as his hand moved from your breasts up to your head and grabbed a fistful of your hair. His grip on your hair as he lifted your head up to look in the mirror made you whine, but your walls only tightened when you saw all three of you in the mirror. Javi’s face so close to yours, lips grazing your temple, you bent over in obscene ways, Carrillo taking you where you could see the way his arms were flexed based on the grip he had on your hips. You watched as he fucked you harder, seeing that he was looking down at how he was going in and out of you. You reveled in how soft Javi’s lips were against your skin, how he worshipped you and Carrillo took you in ways you never would speak about in broad daylight. Javi pulled away to move up and face Carrillo.

“Doesn’t she look so pretty like this?”

“She does. Should’ve done this sooner,” Carrillo was throwing his head back as you were beginning to meet his thrusts to get ever inch. Your third orgasm of the night was gaining traction and you were beginning to move a hand down to rub your sensitive clit but Javi stopped you, swatting your hand away and moving his other hand there.

“You’ll cum on our command. Got it?” Javi was looking at you through the mirror. You nodded but then you felt Carrillo and Javi stop. “Use your words.” They were both staring at you and you tried to gasp for some air to speak properly.

“Yes. I’ll cum on your command, I promise.” You darted your eyes between the two and they resumed, much to your pleasure. Deft fingers toying with your sensitive clit, curved and thick cock exploring your walls, and you were in your world of desire that seemed to be taking new heights the more you continued this. But now, with your climax getting closer and closer to blooming, you were beginning to feel your body shake.

“Not yet. Hold it.” Carrillo stayed steady with his thrusts and the tight circles that Javi was rubbing was making you grip the sheets.

“Please! Please, please let me cum!” You were begging, so close to the thread snapping and you cumming undone. You saw that the two of them looked at each other and nodded.

“Cum.” That was all that you needed to hear before you cried out, collapsing your upper half but the lower half being held up by Carrillo as he fucked you through your orgasm and Javi slowed his circles. You soon heard the grunts and felt the slow and sloppy thrusts coming as Carrillo pulled out and Javi moved away. You turned around to face him, on your knees in the bed looking up at him with your mouth open. He came with a grunt, the cum landing right on your tongue and a little on your lip. You swallowed it all and cleaned up, giving him a smile and it made more shot out on his hand. You took his hand and licked it up too, winking at him.

“So proud of you, princesa.” He grabbed your jaw gently and kissed your forehead. You were a mess, albeit a happy mess as you were trying to catch your breath with all the pleasure washing over you. Soon it slowed, Javi’s hand moving away to rub your back and Carrillo helping you lay down. Javi gave you one of the pillows as you lifted your head up to lay on it as Carrillo got up to go to the bathroom. Javi laid next to you and caressed your face, making you blush.

“Are you feeling okay?”

“I am. I don’t know how I’m going to get to work tomorrow though,” You joke, knowing that your legs were jelly at this point.

“We’ll drive you, but you better be walking since we can’t carry you around all day.” He kissed your forehead right when Carrillo came back with the towels from your bathroom. Javi took his towel and Carrillo tossed his to the side, tending to you. He got on the bed and was on top of you, wiping you off as you hummed in relief. Javi finished wiping himself off just as Carrillo got done with you. Still unable to move you were amused when Carrillo tossed your legs a little to get the sheet from underneath them. He then draped it over your lower body and then wiped himself off. Javi got under the sheet with you as Carrillo tossed the three towels in your hamper haphazardly.

“Someone’s gotta do their laundry now,” Carrillo teased.

“I’ll get to it eventually. Gotta find the feeling in my legs again to move.” Both laughed at your new state, used to you running around and now you were bed ridden for the night.

“By the morning you’ll be fine. But sleep.” Carrillo was getting ready to get dressed again as well as Javi, but you got up.

“Can you both stay with me?” You shifted your eyes between them, the little pleading as you moved to the middle of your bed igniting something in them.

They obliged after some thought, you in the middle with Carrillo on your back and Javi near your front. Carrillo’s hand rested on your ass and Javi’s was right near your shoulder. A little awkward, but both of them were softly snoring within minutes with all the energy you took out of them. Maybe you would end up not talking about it until the time came round again or even in passing, but for now you let the calm call of sleep lull you away.

[sagmoodb]

Sweet Nothing

info: modern!ellie x barista f!reader summary: ellie can't seem to escape this coffee shop lately, and the reason was the barista. a/n: so this is my first time actually posting something i've written. english isn't my first language, sorry if it's not good. (this was inspired by @elli3luvs falling in love in a coffee shop au) <33 w.c: 400 (this ended up being very short) genre: fluff

Ellie became a regular at the nearby coffee shop from her apartment complex, ordering the same thing almost every day, a hot chocolate with almond milk and some mocha drizzle on top. However, this one barista always calls her by the wrong name and Ellie doesn’t have the heart to correct it. Why?

Because you are just too pretty, with your soft looking hair and the way your glasses sit perfectly on your nose. She doesn’t know how to tell you that you’ve been addressing her by the wrong name for quite some time.

two weeks to be exact, but it’s not like she’s counting. It was actually her friend Dina who had introduced her to the coffee shop in the first place. From the moment Ellie saw you, she was captivated. So she deals with the variety of names that you messily scribes on her cups, from Ellen to Elsie. --

As she stood in line waiting for her drink, you couldn't help but steal glances at the auburn haired girl. "Ella?" you ask with her order in hand. She immediately froze. "fuck" she whispered to herself, not sure how to respond. She then finally looked up at me and said “Um, actually my name is Ellie.” Her voice is pretty, you thought. "Ellie," you repeated, feeling your cheeks getting hotter from the embarrassment as you realized all the wrong names you've been using these past few days. "I'm so sorry. If it makes you feel any better, your drink is on the house.” " Don't wor-" " I want to", you reply quickly, "Hope they're good." "Thanks", she says nodding her head at everything you said, so she grabs her drink and turned to leave, but not before flashing a grin and a small wave in your direction. As she's making her way back home she goes take another sip of her hot drink when she notices something scribbled in her cup. In your handwriting are a phone number and a little note. Call me, so I can make it up to you for the whole name fiasco :)

Ellie couldn't help but smile and think that maybe this mix-up was worth it after all. But little did she know that you'd been doing this on purpose, hoping she would correct you just to have a reason to talk to her.

[lunareel]

I know everyone seems more interested mario and luigi's relationship in 'mario and the phantom' au but I really wanna know/see more of Luigi and the shy-guys or Luigi and Peach.

I'm a very big fan of the whole 'taken in as one of their own' trope, and unlike with peach who like, doesn't remember her original family or human society and culture, Luigi does, which I feel makes the relationship between him and his adopted family and like place in the whimsical mushroom kingdom world even more interesting to delve into

I'm gonna hijack this ask, because when I was answering this, it ended up touching upon the problems I have faced in my writing and I want to keep you guys on the same page.

Originally, this was going to be under keep reading, but screw it. I don't want anyone to miss this. Because I have made major screw ups trying to make this comic while also learning a lot.

I swear this ends in good news. Just read through it first.

For the ask:

All three are very good in their own right. Personally, the one I'm most excited to show is Princess Peach and Luigi. I have it written to where they have two main chapters where they team up. One of them is Luigi and Peach tackling the TTYD adventure together and the other I am keeping a surprise! I'm only mentioning the TTYD one because I did spoil that in a previous ask. (Listen I'd like to have some surprises.)

I also have a script covering that exact topic where the two of them have a discussion on Mario's warp pipe and their respective feelings on their original homes. I haven't drawn it yet because I keep going back and forth whether it should be a standalone comic or in the main story. As I could see it working for either.

The shy guys, I actually would like to do a few standalone comics focusing on Luigi's early life with them. Specifically, I want to focus on his adventures and him dealing with King Wart who while he will not appear in the main comic has a pretty big impact on how Mr. L's reputation came to be. I currently have two of those comics story boarded which reveals this tidbit.

For Mario's relationship to Luigi, while that is very important to the comic it is not the only thing I want to focus on. I am not sure how many have noticed but for the header of the last short for this au where Peasley was featured I called it "The Phantom" instead of Mario and the Phantom as I realized while working on it, its been going more into Luigi's adventures with different characters. And I was worried by having Mario's name in the title would suggest he gets an even amount of focus. Don't worry the tag for this comic is staying the same though, not changing that tag for a third time, just don't want to mislead people when it is not solely focused on those two.

What I have learned writing this/experience so far:

I have learned a lot while working on this both good and bad. My initial goal was to have everything written first, then I go into story boarding, then cleanup and then posting. This way I could post pages weekly. I was thinking to myself "Yeah this would be the most efficient way to make this and it gets a nice schedule for it."

Oh man, I have never been more wrong in my life. I have learned that writing this has hit a lot of issues I've had with perfectionism which has led to causing personal issues I've had with myself to resurface. Like hot damn I did not foresee this at all.

It has been so frustrating working on this. More so in that I'm writing, and I say I'm writing it, but I still don't have anything to show because well it's just in the writing stage. Since I set the goal for myself to have everything written before I draw anything. Which has not worked out for me at all. What has happened is that I have been writing and writing, but then I end up going "Well, this doesn't feel good enough" so then I rewrite it, or worse I just straight up delete it. Then I begin to feel even worse because I have lost more progress than I have made. And there has been at least a month or two where I just stare at the document, start writing and then delete everything I have done because I am just so embarrassed and ashamed I don't have anything to show yet. So it feels like in a way I'm lying being like "Hey I am working on this, I can't show anything yet but I am working on it." But that's the problem, I just have text not an actual comic to show which leads back into the loop of being angry at myself for not having anything posted yet.

And I'm writing this to explain why it's been a while with no physical updates to show for this. Because when I make progress, I start to think it's not good enough or I don't like xyz about this thing so I scrap it and restart all over again. No joke I have four different documents all covering different scripts for the same chapter.

I ended up talking to my therapist about this comic because of how angry I have gotten with myself for this comic. Of how I just keep rewriting and rewriting and I don't get anything just done, because I keep telling myself I need everything completely written and done before I can start drawing.

I had no clue that working on this comic would bring up so many of my old perfectionist and somewhat destructive tendencies.

I know you're reading this and thinking, uhhh didn't you say this has good news. Yes it does, it has good news and here it comes.

My therapist has been working with me to find a better way to tackle my problems with writing. So that I'm not hacking and slashing at everything I make and so that there is at least something there to show. So that I can keep this comic fun (and safe) for me and share it with you guys!

Instead of writing everything all at once and having every single little thing done before drawing. I am going to just start tackling it by finishing the script of one chapter stop my writing there and instead of writing the next chapter I start drawing the chapter that I just finished. Then when that is done I start working on the next script. I really should've been doing this in the beginning, but you know first time doing this gotta learn somehow.

And so far I finally have a one main chapter script I am actually happy with. Which I have not felt for any of my other scripts.

Which leads me to announce that later this month (or early to mid August if life happens you just never know) the prologue chapter for this comic will be shared!! And I am so excited for this and I really hope you guys enjoy it! Going to be starting its story boards later this week.

I do want to make it clear though that this means that there will be gaps of time where the next chapter isn't shared yet (also let me be very clear when I say gaps of time it could be MONTHS, I have school, work and life along side writing this comic). I don't want to mislead anyone when I say that.

I am still figuring out whether or not to share the entire chapter in one go or just share it page by page, and how many panels is adequate for one page.

I'm trying to remind myself that this comic should be fun first and foremost and for this past year it has been fluctuating on that, but I'm still going. I'm doing a round two for how I tackle this. I am truly sorry that I didn't share this about writing this comic sooner and that it is taking me so freaking long. I have been so embarrassed and angry for just how long it has taken me to show anything for this.

So thank you guys for waiting and being patient with me. I have never done a long chapter by chapter comic before and I look forward to seeing where this goes.

I hope you guys will tune in for when I post the prologue later this month.❤️

[hiding-from-reality-56]

Blue Hair and Pronouns - Leon Draisaitl

Word Count: 2230 Pairing: Leon Draisaitl x Original Nonbinary Character Rating: Teen and Up (see warnings) Summary: Blake and Leon have been friends for seven years. Leon's fresh off a game-seven loss, and has a month before he's attending Connor McDavid's wedding as one of the Best Men. He also happens to need a date. Tags: Getting together, angst with a happy ending, friends to lovers, fake relationships Warnings: Mentions of intoxication and alcohol (please let me know if I'm missing anything)

Hi, welcome to my submission for the Summer Fic Exchange 2k24, put on by the amazing @wyattjohnston! This fic is written for @nhl-stories, and features a pairing of Leon Draisaitl/Original Nonbinary OC! I've never written RPF with an OC insert, so please be gentle! This was certainly an unforgettable experience, and I'm so glad I tried branching out in my writing! I hope you like it!

“I’m coming, I’m coming, you can stop ringing-” Blake throws open the door with an exasperated sigh. “What are you, six?”

“You were taking forever, I was just making sure you knew I was here. You got my e-transfer?”

Blake rolls their eyes, prepared to retort with ‘Six-year-old behaviour,’ but decides to answer the question anyhow, albeit with a hint of mischief in their tone. “No, you should send it again, make sure I really got it.”

“Nice try, where’s my dog?”

Blake huffs out a laugh, stepping aside to let Leon in. “Probably eating my couch cushions again-” they put up a hand to stop Leon’s retort before it can even leave his mouth, “I know that was “only once,” but we’ve established I’m never letting you live that down. He was taking a post-walk nap, but I doubt he’s still asleep after that.”

After Leon’s toed off his shoes and lined them up neatly on the edge of the mat in the entryway, he follows Blake into the master bedroom, where a somehow still snoring Bowie lays, snuggled up in the exact spot Blake considers their side of the bed.

“Hey Bowie, I missed you,” Leon coos, flopping onto the other side of the bed and pulling the dog to his chest. Suddenly alert, the scruff of brown fur starts yipping excitedly and licking every square inch of Leon’s face he can reach.

Blake stands opposite the bed, observing the reunion with a bright smile. It’s only been a few days since Leon took off for Florida with the team in their quest for the Stanley Cup, the Oilers unfortunately falling short of glory in the end.

The Leon they’d seen on the ice in the dying seconds and in post-game interviews is far removed from the one they’re looking at now - for one, the hideously long ugly beard’s been shorn. The tears and sweat have been wiped away, and an air of happiness has replaced the defeated expression from just yesterday.

“Alright. Traditions are traditions; to the couch!”

The post-playoffs loss “Tipsy Time,” as Blake had dubbed it, became a thing back in 2017. Blake’s Uber had dropped them off at the wrong house, and they were a few too many drinks deep in their post-breakup misery when they’d staggered up the walkway and decided to just relax for a bit on the doorstep before figuring out their way home. They hadn’t been there for long, or at least they’d thought, before the door they were leaning against was being pulled open, and a slightly scowling Leon Draisaitl was looking down at them. Ever the gentleman, he invited Blake in, disregarding their smeared eye makeup and disheveled demeanor. After an impromptu nap on the couch and some water, Blake drunkenly spilled about their latest failed relationship while Leon listened, clearly a little buzzed himself. 

When pressed on why he’d been drinking alone in his home, he roughly mumbled about “playoffs,” and “the fucking Ducks, man,” leading to Blake’s sobering realization that they were in an NHL player’s house. Of course, they’d recognized him when the door had opened, but the reality of it all took a while to sink in. Blake was mortified, as one would expect, rapidly apologized, and tried to leave (which wound up with them on the ground contemplating their shitty depth perception). Leon had insisted they stay until they were “at least sober enough to walk in a straight line,” and sat opposite them on the couch while he nursed his drink and some trashy reality show played in the background. 

Of course, once you’ve drunkenly cried over an ex on Leon Draisaitl’s couch, a connection is formed, whether either party wants it or not. It turned into a very careful escorting down the block, exchanging numbers so Leon would know that Blake hadn’t “died or something,” progressing rapidly into a weekly binge-watch of 90 Day Fiancé, and eventually Blake becoming Bowie’s dog-sitter when Leon was away. It definitely made for an interesting whirlwind of a summer, but the unlikely friendship blossomed like they’d known each other for years.

Blake picks up the shot glasses they’d filled and walks carefully across the floor, sitting gingerly beside Leon and managing to not spill any alcohol. They extend their hand, holding out one of the shots for Leon to take. “So. Game seven. I’m sorry it didn’t go the way you guys wanted.” 

Leon doesn’t answer, just grunts before taking the offered vodka shot from Blake’s hand and downing it without even a slight wince at the burn. 

“Sucks, yeah - nothing we can do about it now. Bigger problems to worry about.”

“You know you’re allowed to be upset about this, right?” Blake places a gentle hand on Leon’s shoulder while flipping through the channels.

Leon shrugs in response, setting the shot glass down on the side table.

“It’s been less than forty-eight hours, you don’t have to pretend everything is fine again.”

“I really can’t worry about it right now. Done enough crying and yelling and swearing down in Florida. Besides, I have to worry about Davo’s wedding now.”

“What do you mean? You just have to show up.”

“I mean there’s the fact that I’m one of his Best Men. And then there’s the issue where I don’t have a date. So I guess what I’m asking is if you’ll come to the wedding as my date. I’ll get lit up if I don’t bring someone.” “So you decided to ask the world’s least gender-conforming weirdo to be your date? Yeah, I can see how that’ll be received so much better,” Blake says wryly.

“Blake, please. I’ll buy you a dress, or a suit, whatever you want to wear, and cover your airfare and accommodations. I’m kinda desperate here.”

“You’re asking someone who was bullied out of hockey the minute they were perceived as different to be your date. At a wedding full of guests who got to live the life I never got to. Do you see why maybe I’m not too interested in being around constant reminders of my own failures?” 

“I’m sorry. I guess I never thought about it that way.”

“Besides, nobody is gonna believe we’re an item anyways. I’m like, the polar opposite of a WAG,” Blake adds, trying to lighten the suddenly sombre mood.

“Blue hair and pronouns has been my type for a while,” Leon replies with a smile.

Blake’s not too sure why that one stung more than it probably had any right to, but the next thing they know, their face hardens and they’re snapping back, “You’re not fucking funny, Leon. Fuck you, go on Tinder or wherever it is you find your one night stands, and take someone from there.” 

Leon opens his mouth, takes one look at Blake, then closes it before crossing the room, sliding on his shoes, and leaving with Bowie hot on his heels.

“I’m gonna kill Leon Draisaitl. Nobody will ever find his body.” 

“You can’t do that, Jade,” Blake replies, tipping their head over the arm of the couch to squint at their best friend. 

“And why the fuck not?” She sounds far more affronted than Blake had initially thought she would be. Which, valid - the pair has been through a lot in the last few years, and Blake wouldn’t hesitate to punch someone for Jade. So they suppose it makes sense that Jade would be ready to commit murder for them.

“Because he’s like the second most popular guy in the city, and him being dead would seriously fuck with the Oilers’ dynamic.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“I appreciate the offer, though. Shit, hang on. Speak of the devil,” Blake rolls their eyes, holding up their phone to show Jade Leon’s caller ID. They hold a finger up to their lips and swipe to answer. “What do you want, Leon.” Blake winces at the bite in their own tone, not expecting to sound this aggressive. It’s been less than twenty-four hours since the argument, but Blake still feels a little bad for the way they’d snapped.

“Hey. I’m- uh. I just wanted to apologize for last night. I shouldn’t have said that, it wasn’t right. I’m also sorry that I didn’t stop to consider why you might not want to go, and I get it if you don’t want to. I guess what I’m trying to say is, the wedding’s in a month, just- let me know if you change your mind, alright?”

“I appreciate the apology, but I think I’m gonna need some time to think about it. I know you didn’t mean to hurt me, but it still did hurt. I’m also sorry for yelling at you, there’s probably a better way that I could’ve responded. But yeah, let me sleep on it for a bit, okay?”

“You were more than justified to yell at me the way you did. I crossed a pretty big line. Take care of yourself, alright? I’m sorry again.”

Blake hangs up after a quick goodbye and drops their phone onto the rug. “You don’t have to kill him, Jade. I’m still hurt but he acknowledged his mistake and his apology felt genuine. And he’s never said anything like that before. I dunno. But enough about me, let’s order a pizza and watch sad movies,” Blake smiles.

Blake calls Leon back a week and a half later to accept his offer. Fuck it, what’s the worst that could happen? 

They’d tried to insist on paying for their own flight, but Leon simply emailed them a flight confirmation five minutes later with nothing but “Oops.” in the body.

Fast-forward a couple weeks, several hours of trying on clothes, six arguments about who was allowed to pay for what, and a four-hour flight, Blake is standing in the most gorgeous wedding venue. They’re having a wonderfully animated discussion with Leon and Derek Ryan about the Olympics when their next point is interrupted.

“Blake?” 

They stop mid-sentence, they’d know that voice anywhere. They turn around to confirm, and a huge smile breaks out across their face. “Oh my god, everyone shut up, my bestie is here,” they gasp, running forward to scoop the owner of the voice up into an excited hug. Blake does a little spin before setting their friend down again. 

“Kailer!!!!! It’s been sooo long! I missed you this season, you should come back so I can tell people I’m taller than an Oiler again.”

Kailer straightens his tie and sighs dramatically. “You’re taller than Hammer, you’ll survive.” 

“Hammer’s a child, he doesn’t count.”

“He’s not even a year younger than me, and you know that,” Kailer replies with an exaggerated eye roll. “So I see you and Leon got your shit together, then,” he continues with a shit-eating grin. Blake is confused for a moment, before remembering they came to this thing with Leon. Confusion must’ve shown on their face, because Kailer groans. “If I can figure out a proposal, surely you guys can work out whatever the hell it is you have going on between you.”

“There’s nothing ‘going on’ between us, we’re just friends,” Blake insists. Kailer gives them a ‘sure, bud,’ look, and seems like he’s going to retort with something, when his fiancée comes over with a glass of champagne in hand.

“Bailey, oh my god, you’re such a sight for sore eyes,” Blake exclaims, opening their arms excitedly. Kailer holds out a hand to take Bailey’s drink so the pair can embrace. 

“Congrats on the engagement, you guys are so gross and in love and I couldn’t be more excited for you,” Blake rambles as they pull away. “Show me the ring?”

Bailey blushes happily and extends her hand to show off the frankly enormous rock sparkling on her finger. 

“Damn, Yamo, you picked well,” Blake whistles in appreciation.

“I sure did,” he replies with a bright smile, but somehow Blake doesn’t think he’s referring to the ring.

“I’ll let you two go now, apparently Foegs is supposed to be floating around here somewhere, and Leon promised me he’d get him to find us so I can bug him and Alex,” Blake grins, opening their arms for one more quick hug from both of them before turning back to Leon.

After a beautiful ceremony, several speeches, and an amazing dinner, Leon holds out a hand, inviting Blake to dance. It’s a slow song, and Blake can’t help but rest their head on Leon’s shoulder as they move gracefully, every movement seamless like they’re made for each other.

Leon pulls Blake in after a twirl, holding their gaze with what can only be described as genuine fondness. Blake feels their cheeks warm, but doesn’t break eye contact. Leon leans down, and their lips are so close, they can feel his warm breath on their face as he speaks, “I was serious, you know.”

“About what,” Blake asks breathlessly. They might actually pass out if what they think is about to happen does. 

“Blue hair and pronouns being my type,” Leon murmurs with a grin. Blake huffs out a quiet laugh. So he had meant what he’d said last month - just not in the way Blake had interpreted it. Either way, Kailer will be glad they’re figuring their shit out, or whatever he’d said. 

“Shut up and kiss me,” they breathe. And he does.

[teruthecreator]

(tw for racism, pedophilia, transphobia, child impregnation mention)

yeah idk why y'all read this

i was originally going to just post this and have some tags with my reasonings, but i realized that opens me up to too much bullshit from people who may think i'm being unnecessarily mean or whatever. so i'm going to explain exactly why the screenshots above are something i hold issue with.

firstly, and i just want to get this out of the way, this post is not intended to be a hit piece against the creator. i've seen how she reacts to any mild-mannered or slightly joking criticism, so i know this post is probably going to not land well. but it isn't my intention to make her mad or anything--she's writing a piece of content for the internet, which means she is just as open to criticism as any other poster. and what i intend to go into in this post is criticism. i'm allowed to do this, as that is the nature of the internet. people are allowed to critique whatever they please, and if you don't want critique then you shouldn't post. simple as!

i am also making no attempts to posit myself as better than the creator. i'm not doing this for clout or moral superiority or any of that dumb shit. i simply want to discuss something that's been bothering me for a bit, while simultaneously warning people who haven't read this yet (who may be sensitive to the issues above) to steer clear. if things like casual racism or transphobia aren't properly tagged, then readers who are affected by such things run a risk reading this! same goes with people who are triggered by lewd content involving minors. i wanna make sure people are getting a more critical scope of this work than what has been hoisted up by others.

okay, now that i've gotten that out of the way, i'm going to get into my points.

firstly, the subtle and not-so-subtle racism throughout this fic, especially in relation to serizawa. i'm white, so there is only so much i can speak on without trampling over the words of other fans of color, but some of this feels so blatant it's odd it hasn't been noted earlier. it's important to note before i go into it that serizawa is specifically written as half-black half-japanese for this fic, in case the screenshots don't make it abundantly clear. but there are just too many moments of casual racism in this fic. i'm not talking about the plot point of serizawa being bullied as a kid for being mixed; i'm not mixed, so i can't speak on the accuracy there but it is well-known that black people face a lot of racism in japan. i'm talking about how it seems everyone else has these racist moments that aren't acknowledged by serizawa or the narration as being bad.

reigen hypothesizing over serizawa's exact ethnic background is just strange. yes he's a fairly observant guy (he has to be, with his job), but there is no canonical evidence to suggest he would immediately jump to theorizing whether serizawa is american or not. and the way it's posed in that first quote--"he has darker skin and the kind of hair texture that would likely indicate African ancestry"--is not great. that's an extremely inappropriate way to bring up someone's race. i don't think most people would stare at someone and be like "hmmm well your nose shape and hair texture would suggest you're of this race". it's racial essentialization that is only slightly covered up by the excuse of "oh he tweets in english". there are some other smaller moments of questionable wording, like calling serizawa's afro "sloppy" when it isnt (which btw there's another issue with the creator only referring to an afro as a "fro". it's a hairstyle; you're allowed to use the actual name of it). even if reigen cuts his hair in canon, he never states it's because serizawa's afro looks sloppy. (also there's something to be said about the casual racism baked into making your employee cut his natural hairstyle for a job, as that is a very real issue many black people face when wearing their natural hair or even protective styles in the workplace.)

i'm especially bothered by toichiro's very casual racist remarks. toichiro in this fic is a general bother of mine (most of which can be boiled down to "he would not fucking say that"), but the way she chooses to characterize him in relation to serizawa feels gross. calling a black man a slave should be a very obvious red flag, but also saying serizawa (again, as a black man) has a "brutal masculine appeal" is also extremely stereotypical and racist. and really there is just no need for it; toichiro's actions in canon prove how shitty of a guy he is without the need for him to be racist (along with other things i'll get to in a bit). as my girlfriend put it: he doesn't need to be a member of the fucking kkk to show he's a bad guy.

there's also, again, the very casual racist remark of calling serizawa a "dog". i don't care if that isn't the intent; when you are writing a character of color you need to be aware of your wording, even in insults (unless she intended to make tsuchiya racist, which i don't think she did).

secondly, the eugenics/child pregnancy bit. it is surreal to even have to write this, but i seriously do not understand the purpose of either of these bits in the story. they are so minor yet so jarring you can't help but wonder why they're there. once again, i do not think you need to have toichiro doing esper eugenics just to prove he is an evil guy. he has nuance, and by making him casually reference child pregnancy (like that isn't an INSANE thing to say) reduces that nuance to nothing. that's the only reason i could see why that bit was included: to make toichiro look worse. but, even still, the author is running the risk of potentially triggering victims of csa or people who don't want to see that by not properly tagging the mention of it (or, at the very least, warning readers in the intro notes). the only other explanation for it would maybe be shock factor??? but that's a pretty shitty thing to use for shock factor, if i'm honest. also the fact that the esper eugenics was referenced again in a more recent chapter just has me very disturbed and confused. there isn't a canonical explanation for why we see less espers who are women than espers who are men, but that doesn't mean we need to jump to fucking Eugenics. it's weird!

thirdly (and this is probably one of my biggest problems and the main reason i wanted to make this post), the weirdly lewd/sexual language shou uses constantly, along with referring to reigen as a pedo or a creep at several points. frankly, i think it's pretty fucking gross for someone in their near-40's to be writing a 12-year-old talking so casually about sex like that's normal. which, i'm sorry, but it's not. yes, teens know about sex and like to joke about lewd shit. but a 12-year-old is not about to make references to a grown man's virginity. 12-year-olds draw dicks on their desk bc they think it's funny. 12-year-olds say the word "buttfuck" because it has the words "butt" and "fuck" in it, and those are the two funniest words on earth to a kid that age. i literally do not understand the purpose of having shou be so lewd all the time. for one, it doesn't make sense for his character. shou is shown time and time again to be extremely mature for his age, but that maturity extends to shit like assembling a counter-terrorism unit and extending a hand to his father to allow him to try again. and even then he's still just as naive as any other kid his age! the omake where he's telling his guys to go to the "far right corner" based on ritsu’s advice proves that he still has plenty of blindspots that are indicative of his age. leaning into this raunchy, lewd version of shou is just weird. and, again, i think it is made a bit weirder given the author's age!!! not ageshaming or whatever--i'm 23 and i write fanfic, clearly i cannot judge there--but it is just extremely inappropriate in my opinion. also having shou be more versed in sextalk than serizawa is odd too and speaks to a larger issue of serizawa's infantilzation throughout this fic, but that's something i can get into in another post if people want an explanation.

also, the way she constantly calls reigen a creep and even has him being accused of being a pedophile during the twitter cancellation is extremely inappropriate when, again, there is NO CANONICAL BASIS FOR THIS! everyone just calls him a fraud and a scammer during separation arc; there is never a reference to reigen being seen as a pedophile in that arc. and, yes, while there are versions of mob psycho where reigen is very clearly written as a creep (looking very specifically at the netflix adaptation), that doesn't mean it's good. honestly, the creep mentions all just feel like really poor jokes that do not land in the slightest.

finally, the transphobia (aka WHY IS SHIMAZAKI A CHASER). i literally do not know what else to say other than: why? why is this a thing? why is he a chaser? what is the purpose of this? is it a joke? i feel like it's supposed to be, but seeing as the author is cis i don't think that's a joke she should really be making. it not only comes out of left field, but it's just kind of a weird thing to ascribe to a character for no reason. not to mention, it's uncomfortable! trans women deal with enough creepy antics from cis men in real life--why must they be accosted by this guy too? it's just weird and uncomfortable.

i wanna round out this post by saying, once again, that i'm not trying to attack anyone with this post. but i do hope people come away from this with a new perspective on this work, and maybe think twice before recommending it uncritically to someone. to the author specifically, i hope you can read my post without rage or indignance blinding you. i might be a little blunt or rude in parts, but it's only because i'm passionate and i don't mince my words when it comes to things i'm passionate about. to the readers, understand i am not judging you for reading this fic without noticing these things. your own life experiences will give you certain blindspots and there's nothing wrong with that. i have plenty of blindspots of my own! it's what makes us human.

there is more i could say, but this post is long enough. i ask that if you come to me in my inbox or in dms about this that you treat me with respect, as i will do that for you. writing something like this took a lot out of me, as i'm usually not so open about my opinion on shit like this.

have a good day :-)

[nofomogirl]

Before the Beginning (part 1.5.)

Part 1.1. | Part 1.2. | Part 1.3. | Part 1.4. |

Part 2.1. | Part 2.2. | Part 2.3. | Part 2.4. |

In this post, I'm going to wrap part 1 up and I won't lie, I'm really nervous. I feel like I've made a tall and wobbly tower of blocks and now I need to make something coherent out of it. Make all this rambling have a point.

Plus, I'll need to talk about Final Fifteen, and that's inherently nerve-wracking.

You say I've already written about it? Whole 9 posts about Metatron's manipulation, picking it apart step by step? Yes, I did. But that's the point - it was about Metatron. I skipped the worst part - the last conversation between Aziraphale and Crowley.

I couldn't avoid it forever. Let's scratch and poke at that wound.

Fair warning though: there won't be any stark revelations. I'm just processing things by writing about them.

Let's start with some facts. These are all hard canon:

Crowley used to be an angel

Aziraphale used to know him back then

They both remember it, at least partly

The Fall transformed Crowley

And these are not canonical facts, but relatively safe guesses:

They don't talk about it

Crowley avoids thinking about it

Aziraphale has no clue how Crowley feels about it

Honestly, it appears that Crowley's pre-Fall identity is more of a taboo for him than the Fall itself. Sure, the Fall is still a sore topic, and he doesn't exactly discuss it, but he is talking about it, if only a little bit, and on some occasions he even brings it up himself. But when his angelic past is mentioned he just refuses to go there. He shuts it down on the spot with no regard for the circumstances.

This exact happened in Final Fifteen, except this time Aziraphale wasn't just pointing out Crowley used to be an angel, he also suggested Crowley may become an angel.

Just look at the dialogue, especially Crowley's responses.

M: (...) it might be considered irregular, but it would certainly be within your jurisdiction to restore your friend, Crowley, to full angelic status. C: He said what? A: He said I could appoint you to be an angel. You could come back to Heaven and... and everything. Like the old times. Only even nicer. C: Right. And you told him just where he could stick it, then? A: Not at all. C: Oh, we're better than that, you're better than that, angel! You don't need them. I certainly don't need them! Look, they asked me back to Hell, I said no. I'm not rejoining their team. Neither should you.

A lot of people pointed out how they were talking past each other the whole scene, not really hearing what the other was saying. I wholeheartedly agree and I think it started right here, with Crowley refusing to acknowledge and address what Aziraphale had said and ever so subtly - most likely unconsciously - steering the conversation away from the topic and into the miscommunication storm.

I mean, just look at what happened. In slow motion.

Metatron offered Aziraphale the job of the supreme archangel.

Aziraphale said No, I don't want to.

Metatron then altered the offer and said if Aziraphale took the job, he could turn Crowley back into an angel.

Problems start here.

S3 may change my mind but right now I am convinced Aziraphale doesn't really understand what the Fall was. He doesn't understand what it was objectively, and he doesn't understand what it means to Crowley personally. This is why Metatron's offer seems so attractive to him. He sees only pros and no cons. He cannot fathom what could be undesirable about it.

Metatron, on the other hand, knows much much more. That's why he feels safe making this seemingly generous offer - he knows it will cost him nothing because Crowley won't take it. Not only that, he knows the mere mention will trigger Crowley, and make him irrational. That in turn will upset and trigger Aziraphale thus making him more vulnerable and easier to manipulate.

Back to the scene.

Aziraphale goes to Crowley and reiterates Metatron's offer to him. He tells him that if he takes it, Crowley can be an angel again.

Now this is the important part. How does Crowley respond to it?

He immediately gets angry. Not amusingly annoyed or endearingly peeved, but properly angry.

And then he goes on a rant about why he and Aziraphale shouldn't rejoin their old sides. And that's... not entirely relevant.

For quite some time I couldn't figure out why Aziraphale's "Well, obviously you said no to Hell, you're the bad guys" didn't upset me as much as it logically should. Sure, I'm Aziraphale's defender and apologist but this line is objectively unfair to Crowley. I should be disappointed and frustrated. So why would I feel like I wanted to agree with it, even though my brain clearly didn't?

Then it finally clicked. It wasn't what Aziraphale said, especially not the "you're the bad guys" part. It was about his tone. I could relate viscerally to how ridiculous he found Crowley's argument to be. Because honestly Crowley, baby, what are you talking about? What do you think you're proving to your angel here? How is the offer you were made to go back to Hell even remotely comparable?

Sure, they appear to be almost the same on the surface. Beelzebub told Crowley he could go back to Hell, and become a Duke. Metatron told Aziraphale he could go back to Heaven and become a Supreme Archangel. But that similarity disappears if - unlike Crowley - you don't conveniently take bits and pieces out of context but look at the whole thing.

Beelzebub's offer was that if Crowley helped them find Gabriel he would be allowed to go back to Hell and become a Duke. Metatron's offer was that if Aziraphale returned to Heaven and became the Supreme Archangel, he would be able to make Crowley an angel.

Rejoining his old side (with a promotion) was meant to be a prize for Crowley, but a price for Aziraphale.

Both of our ineffable spouses love Earth and given the absolute freedom of choice, they would like to live there forever. Preferably undisturbed by any supernatural institution in any way. I don't think anybody doubts that. Leaving Earth and getting involved with their former sides - no matter the rank - was the exact opposite of that, the exact opposite of what either of them wanted.

Crowley was offered that undesirable thing as a reward, so obviously he said no.

Aziraphale was offered that undesirable thing as a part of a package deal which also contained something he perceived as highly desirable, so obviously he considered it.

But Crowley reacted as if Metatron's offer was the same as Beelzebub's offer. As if it was all about Aziraphale being invited back to Heaven. He focuses on trying to convince the angel not to go, on explaining how Heaven isn't good at all, and finally on confessing and offering to run away together. He tries everything except responding to the actual offer and simply saying he doesn't want to be an angel.

I believe the main reason was what I listed among the safe guesses - that it was too difficult to talk or even think about. So he focused on the other part instead. It came easily because (a) anything that wasn't thinking about himself as an angel was great at the moment, and (b) the idea of Aziraphale leaning toward Heaven yet again was something he had strong feelings and opinions about.

Sadly, Aziraphale helped him steer the conversation away from the point with his response. The infamous "you're the bad guys. But Heaven... Well, it's the side of Truth. Of Light. Of Good."

I believe that was a point of no return beyond which the whole situation couldn't be saved. Not right then and there. Not without both of them stepping away and calming down. But somebody made sure they wouldn't be able to do it...

And the worst part is, I don't think there was all that much faith behind Aziraphale's words. I firmly believe he honestly wasn't interested in taking Metatron's offer unless Crowley went with him. But as he got unbalanced he fell into old mental grooves.

If you don't mind, I'll stop here. I neither have it in me to break apart the entire conversation (perhaps I'll face this monster one day but no promises) nor is it necessary for this series of posts.

The point of which - in case you've forgotten, which I, admittedly, made very easy for you - is that (1) Crowley was substantially transformed by the Fall, (2) he does not identify with his past angelic persona and is pretty much unable to think about himself in those terms, (3) Aziraphale severely underestimates the depth of the transformation, (4) has very little knowledge and understanding about Crowley's feelings on the entire matter, and (5) it let him to making a lot of assumptions.

Another thing I am not going to discuss here is what Aziraphale thinks he's offering Crowley. Perhaps the subject will get its turn one day. For now, suffice it to say, that what Aziraphale is offering - or rather what Metatron has offered - is most definitely NOT what Aziraphale believes it to be.

In the opening post, I pointed out that angel!Crowley didn't have any visible serpentine traits (he had brown eyes with regular round irises and he didn't have his sigil/tattoo), and I proposed a theory that it's supposed to hint at a lack of serpentine nature. That Crowley wasn't originally a snake but became one during or after the Fall.

If we look at Aziraphale's offer through these lenses, Crowley's unyielding rejection of it takes on a whole different meaning. It isn't about principles anymore or about Crowley's feelings getting hurt or his worth possibly being questioned. It isn't symbolic. It's very real.

The offer to restore Crowley to full angelic status very likely means a repetition of the Fall - a painful transformation that mangles the spirit and alters parts of a person beyond repair.

The offer to make Crowley an angel may very well mean the eradication of snake!Crowley.

I don't believe Aziraphale understands it.

Crowley couldn't bear thinking about it so he never talked about it.

Thus concludes part 1.

I am very emotionally tired.

Thank you for reading.