#i'm sure he picked his favorite trains or smth
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working quietly in my boyfriends room and out of nowhere he says 'oh Hello :-)' and i say what and he says on sorry im on railpictures dot net and i look up at his computer and he has a big picture of a train pulled up
#he says look its a turboliner train. it has a gas turbine engine. whats up with that#so true. what *is* up with that.#he loves trains. he's an ra and his doortags for his residents are just random pictures of trains#i'm sure he picked his favorite trains or smth#but like it just looks like i googled 'train' printed the first picture i saw and wrote your name on it with a marker#earlier his mom texted him and said she saw a train in his hometown and it had four cars. i love that he is notified of these things#he was like 'im sorry haha i'll stop i must sound so insufferable rn' stop rn but only bc i will fall in love w u . im.#my posts#k
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had my second high definition viewing of atsv in the theater today and here are my favorite details that i missed due to being overwhelmed on my first viewing:
LONG AF POST:
-gwen is literally wearing a rainbow shaped trans pride pin on her jacket with her prom outfit. she's soooo so canon trans <3
-captain stacy HAS A TRANS FLAG PATCH ON HIS POLICE UNIFORM JACKET?????? when i'm telling u my eyes popped out of my head 😳 SHES SO CANON TRANS!!!
-poster outside miles's guidance counselor's office reads: "visions sciences: telling you your story".
-parallel of miles's and gwen's dad kicking things out of general exasperation towards the beginning and end of the movie respectively
-when miles as spidey is talking to his dad and giving him advice (for himself) there's a reference to miles possibly reading vonnegut? (maybe in class??) "if this isn't nice what is" is a collection of kurt vonnegut's commencement speeches. (literally subtitled "advice to the young". the writers were extremely clever for this reference. if not reading it in class, miles has been searching up life advice on his own)
-i barely caught this but i'm PRETTY sure that in miles' room near his door there's a MICHELLE OBAMA presidential race sticker??? was president obama in the earth-1610 dimension michelle obama?? iconic if so
-fedex on earth-1610 is REDEX
-gayatri seems like they took elements of both gwen (police dad) and mj (young model) for her background as i believe i caught her visible on a "zomato" ad billboard (which appears to be the earth-50101 version of ubereats)
-i spent all of hobie's scenes trying to pick up the details of his many pins; but the only one that i could really make out with the quick shot changes besides the union jack pin was the one right above it, which is a three-leaf clover. i wondered if maybe it had some kind of significance to maybe irish independence or smth but i couldn't find anything online that backed that up so not sure what it means. if u know pls drop it in the replies.
-hobie's boots are definitely NOT ladder laced. i KNOW there is concept art and poster art of him with ladder laces but in the actual movie they are 100% crossed. also unlike the poster art, both boots have blue laces, not one blue, one yellow/orange. i wanted to be all on board the ladder lace code train but i'm pretty sure they just made his laces blue so that they could contrast against the red boots and be spidey colors. they probably abandoned the ladder lace part of the visual when someone realized what blue ladder laces meant in lace code. "HAS hobie killed a cop," you ask? given his comic backstory i'd say the odds are HIGH. but i would bet they didn't want people to think that since he's gone through canon event asm-90 ("a police captain close to spider-man is killed by falling rubble during a battle with a nemesis") that there's any possibility THAT was the cop he killed and he's proud of it (since it's supposed to be all abt character development from the ✨trauma✨ of the event)
-during the whole "intervention" scene, while all the other spider-people are facing directly in towards miles and miguel from wherever they are standing in the circle, hobie is the only one whose back is turned. he watches most of the scene over his shoulder. also, during a couple shots facing miles before the entire society of spiders show up, hobie is separated in the shot from all the other main spiders (Peter B, Gwen, Jess, etc) BY MILES. he is visible over one shoulder and everybody else is visible over the other. these two details are great signals of hobie having already MORALLY turned his back on miguel's authoritarianism, as well as giving a nice inverted "devil/angel on the shoulders" nod.
-peter b asks miguel to take a picture of him and mayday since it's her first chase; miguel brushes him off but mayday understands and uses her webshooter to click the camera button on peter b's phone and take a selfie without him noticing 😂😂😂 shes everything to me
-when miguel is pinning miles to the train, after gwen and peter b have caught up, there is a very fast moment when miles calls for help ("PETER!!") and peter doesn't reply to him, but calls out to miguel to calm down (smth like that) instead 🥲 peter for the love of god step up your mentor game and look out for this kid i can't handle it anymore
-when gwen takes the watch hobie made her out of the box, the screen is briefly visible and reads "project botleg". bootleg -> bot -> "botleg"; I SEE YOU HOBIE. people think he's so cool (and he is!!) but he's also just as much of a dork as all the other spiders. what a goofball
-in miles-42's room, a speed bag/speed ball/maize ball is attached to his wall near the door. there are other substantial differences to their rooms, but i think this is clearly a reference to uncle aaron-42's large presence in miles-42's life, given the association from both movies of aaron with the punching bag and miles getting guidance from him/looking to him for support.
-in addition to all the miles-1610 vs miles-42 prowler vs spidey reflection imagery in the end credits, guess who else has several moments of flashing from spider-man colors (red and black at least) to prowler colors (purple and green)?? miguel, that's who. miguel and miles-42/uncle aaron-42 team-up in beyond the spiderverse? or just an extra parallel for the antagonists sharing goals/possibly methods?
OKAY ANYWAY if ppl want i can try and dig up images of some of these but i figured that would make this post long af so that's all for now folks!! go see across the spider verse again and marvel at how much more fine detail you find like me 🕸🕸🕸
#across the spiderverse#across the spider verse spoilers#atsv#miles morales#gwen stacy#miguel o'hara#hobie brown#peter b parker#mayday parker#captain stacy#jefferson morales#gayatri singh#aaron davis#the prowler#earth 1610#earth 42#earth 50101#trans gwen stacy#this movie is driving me fucking NUTS bro#they are so so so insane for all of this#i can't wait for it to come out on dvd and blu-ray so i can pause it and pick through it more slowly#i'm sure there are SO MANY more things no one has picked up yet#also i tried to only include stuff in this list that i haven't really seen other people talk about#or that i noticed additional details to if i had heard someone reference it#r speaks#r tags
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‼️NIGHTBRINGER LESSON 45 SPOILERS‼️
masterlist | all lessons | season 3 | lesson 44 | lesson 45.2 | lesson 46
did i play all the ruri tunes level last night so i could read the entire lesson and make this post at work? yes.
and i'd do it again BOP BOP
HELP 😭 my man was TIRED
i feel like belphie helped put beel to sleep bc he was too invested in his work and not disappointing lucifer to go to sleep on his own. maybe he was too worried and overused his powers, making beel sleep deeper than he normally does and worrying everyone even more on accident
idk i'm just yapping
maybe it's something lilith related? or maybe it is just an all you can eat buffet with mc and the boys. regardless of if he picks something food related or not, it's gonna involve his family, and i love that about him
thinking about this reminds me of the one bonus scene in nb season 1 (not sure which lesson but i think i talked about it) where beel blamed himself for not telling lucifer about the banshee when it happened and, ultimately, for lilith's death
he and lucifer are so similar in terms of how the feel the need to protect their family at all costs, even if it means killing themselves in the process, and i really wish we got more of the two of them together bc i adore their dynamic
ik we all saw that teaser trailer video...what's going on with him ???
is it a result of messing with the timelines one too many times, or the fact that satan was sentenced to become a human instead of a demon when he fell, or something else entirely?
i thought the post was getting too long, more on this here
shhshdhsgs he's such a dad
with the chapter title being "runaway train", i figured smth like this was gonna happen 😭
aside from that, satan hosting the finals is so on brand for him. gotta love my favorite nerd
but also i'd be PISSED if i was hosting and they didn't tell me shit bc what ???
logically speaking, they won't let anything bad happen to three of the seven lords, their pact holderand best friend/partner, and the demon prince's butler, but anyone with a brain would be panicking if the conductor of the train all of a sudden vanished into thin air and nobody on the train knows how to operate it 💀
hm...
HMMM....
this is probably a stretch, but what if those people are the sponsors for this leg of the science fair? what if they actually want the boys dead?
again, this post is already long so i made a separate one 🫠 mb y'all
:((( pookie
the guilt and helplessness he probably feels for not knowing any of the circumstances despite his status as host, maybe even feeling like he was a pawn of the sponsors who came up with the event in the first place
we know he has self-esteem and self-worth issues and this is not only a punch in the gut, but terrifying bc his self-perceived "incompetence" and inability to help because of his lack of knowledge, something that he usually prides himself on, might end up getting the people he's closest to killed
he can't face the guilt, so he ran
he's so ??? 😭
also, since beel and barb are technically on the same team now despite being competitors before, does that mean they each get a wish if the team as a whole wins, or does the team collectively get one wish? bc just giving one of them a wish wouldn't be fair
and i mean TECHNICALLY force is a part of physics
beel big brain
...we've almost died how many times now?
also, since this part is called "beel's wish", imagine his wish is to save us so we don't die (again) lmao
luke is so not funny 😭
but this is honestly really sweet of diavolo. i had a feeling he'd figure out how to incorporate everyone's wish into his own bc even after winning due to mainly his own efforts, he insisted that it was a team effort
talked about the bonus stories here bc there wasn't enough space for screenshots 🥲
#obey me#obey me nightbringer#obey me spoilers#nightbringer spoilers#obey me nightbringer spoilers#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me levi#obey me leviathan#obey me satan#obey me asmo#obey me asmodeus#obey me beel#obey me beelzebub#obey me belphie#obey me belphegor#beel obey me#beelzebub obey me#lucifer obey me#belphie obey me#belphegor obey me#obey me lilith#lilith obey me#obey me barbatos#obey me diavolo#obey me luke#obey me solomon#obey me simeon
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I'm crawling from the pits of hell to ask....
But, I beg (ask kindly) of thee,
Can you write urahara some fluff hcs? Like naps or dorky stuff? Or shopping scenarios?
(off topic but i high key feel like he's the type of person to push you down the street when you're sitting in a buggy and watch you roll down the parking lot just to turn you sharply before car comes.)
it’s him,,, the scrunkly wunkly,,, random fluff hcs we go !!
nav.
he is definitely a silly man, gets up to mischief, perhaps even a little malarkey, if you will. you, him, and yoruichi would definitely give tessai white hairs (someone save him. please.)
with an s/o, I think his favorite thing to do is find ways to make them smile or laugh, whether it's through his antics of training bothering ichigo, to experiments that nearly singe off his eyebrows. he would probably wear some kind of science pun on a t-shirt, and has you chose from his assortment of hats for him that wears to match. you pick a shirt and hat that coordinate color wise and he gets all cute like "omg babe that's so sweet." i wanna kick him, and kiss him, man...
and speaking of naps, as i feel kisuke is the type to not get as much sleep if he's working on any particular experiment or project that has him really focused, he definitely takes a lot of them. because i know that man does not have a real sleep schedule while he tells jinta and ururu that they need their 8 hours.
but anyway, i just know he's a fiend for naps and would pull you away from what you're doing (if it's something that you can easily step away from that is), and use you as a source of body heat and a pillow. good luck getting out of that though, not because he'll keep you in his arms or anything but he's a light sleeper so you move, he wakes up, he can and will cling and whine about it.
"s/o is... evil? s/o is unyielding? s/o is incapable of love? i am running away, i am packing my little rucksack and going to explore the world as a lone vagabond. I can no longer thrive in this household." - kisuke when you have to get up and stop cuddling him, probably.
just give him a forehead kiss because he's that touch starved, it'll stun him into silence and you can make your escape to get things done. otherwise you both will be lounging around and nothing will get done. and once again you both will be the source of any white hairs that may grow on tessai's head.
more sillier hcs, like the one mentioned above, happen quite a bit too. although sometimes (read: most of the time) kisuke likes to sit in that giant part of the shopping cart while you steer as he reads off of the list of groceries that you need to get. make sure to have your own copy because he might read off random things in order to mess with you. no you do not need to buy him a personal sized cake along with groceries for dinner, that's just his self-indulgent side talking.
you half consider leaving him in the cart because hilariously enough he can get inside the cart fine but he can't get out without help. you just see the half-betrayed look when you grab only the groceries.
kisuke can be found at 3am in the kitchen toasting bread and getting a jar of jam out only to almost drop it when he turns back and you're sitting on the counter watching him, but jokes on you, he has some toast ready for you already, it's the little things, like snack sharing.
okay but going back to the cart thing, he does get you back when you're in the cart and just lets it roll down for a second before stopping it so you don't crash into smth. you both are insane i think, very corny but it is cute so ig yall can get a pass.
#bleach x reader#bleach imagines#kisuke urahara x reader#urahara kisuke x reader#kisuke urahara imagines#urahara kisuke imagines#mine
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*slams fists on the table* YO. that ask meme has so many good questions for ships... You know what I'm about to ask, man. Please do da ikemarthz! ✌️😎✨
IM SORRY IM LATE BUT YOU GOT IT 💖💖
when I started shipping it if I did: somewhere around 13-14. gonna be honest, i'm pretty sure fan art is what got me into the concept, and then my own thoughts took me into like. no return area, lmao. that's when i found out i was really interested in character concepts, storytelling, and apparently romance?? so this pairing was a first attempt at many things, which makes it the fondest to me.
my thoughts: they are GOOD they are WHOLESOME they are!!!!!! GAY!!!!!! something abt ike and marth, whether together or apart, just makes me so happy. immediate serotonin. both characters are a comfort for me so putting them together is just. immediate softness.
What makes me happy about them: okay if i had to pick one part to talk about, it'd be that they're similar enough in ideals and troubles that they'd have a lot of things to bond over (like their sisters, sword training, troubles of war) while at the same time keeping enough difference in personality and lifestyle that its a completely new experience. refreshing!! also leaves much to the imagination. i just really love how the differences between them are more endearing than anything else, okay?
What makes me sad about them: that it ain't ever gonna be canon ✊😔. okay really tho, that (like most crackships) there's nearly no actual "canon" (read: not fanmade) content where they're interacting. outside of smash bros brawl, that is. every day i am thankful for sse, like SERIOUSLY.
things I look for in fanfic: honest to god?? just anything portraying a nice, loving relationship. you wouldn't believe how hard that is to find.
things done in fanfic that annoys me: LITERALLY SO. MUCH. between the constant objectification of marth, the general fetishisation of gay relationships, or the drastic mischaracterization of one or both characters, there's virtually no good written content out there. and that's not even setting foot into the Weird things i've seen.
Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: ike/ranulf and marth/caeda or marth/kris. really, [insert one of many marth ships here].
My happily ever after for them: finding peace and comfort with each other!! also bc i'm a complete sap for domestic fluff, perhaps smth along those lines. is that why i created a fan kid? maybe so.....................
who is the big spoon/little spoon: they alternate!! marth is a very holdable man, but he also loves to hold his large bf. ike deserves to be the little spoon sometimes, yknow??
what is their favorite non-sexual activity: sleeping... there's nothing more comfortable than taking a nap with your s/o.
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Hi! I have an idea for a prompt! I know I'm a day late, so no rush whatsoever and feel free to take it or not :) It's for a Sans/Readr/Paps. Your sister and her husband have to be away for the weekend or smth and ask you to take care of their baby/toddler (whatever you think fits best for the story). So they take the child to your house where you live with the bros, but then you have to go out for a bit to take baby things, and they are left alone with the kid. They freak out, funny times ensue
here ya go, it’s my birthday so i figured i would give you the gift of a terribly overdue update!!!!
Pairing: Sans/Reader, Papyrus/Reader
Summary: A weekend with your nephew didn’t sound so bad to the skelebros. Maybe they should’ve read more parenting books.
“So you guys really don’t mind?”
“OF COURSE NOT. WE ARE EXCELLENT COMPANY.YOUR PRECIOUS NEPHEW WILL FINALLY KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE CARED FORPERFECTLY! WE HAVE PREPARED THE ULTIMATE DAY OF ULTIMATE FUN FOR SUCH ANOCCASION.”
You shot him a halfhearted smile. Papyrus’confidence almost always made you feel better, but you were a little nervousabout this. It wasn’t as if you didn’t trust the brothers, but they could be alittle…eccentric. As far as you knew, neither of them were well-versed incaring for a child, let alone a human one. Both were still vastly impressed anddisgusted with your bodily functions, which you could control, so having anunpredictable toddler around the house for the day seemed like…
“heh, don’t stress yourself so much. we gotthis.”
You observed them. Papyrus had on his childsafety gear prepped, which included taping a lot of pillows to his body so noneof his joints would end up hurting anyone. Because the brothers were…literallyskeletons, they had some parts that jutted out and could poke or stab if youweren’t careful enough. Papyrus would dress himself up in attire that spokevolumes about how gently he was going to treat this kid.
“Awesome. Thanks, guys. I know that this iskind of last minute.”
Your nephew was supposed to come by nextweek, but his mom and dad had some major things come up. Some business tripsgot moved around, some flights cancelled, and you were their last hope. Youdidn’t mind so much, but you were going to run it by your boyfriends first. Thiswas a relationship founded on open and honest communication, after all.
“SO WHEN SHOULD WE EXPECT HIM TO ARRIVE?”
You glanced at the clock. “In a few hours.When they get here, I’ll introduce you.”
Sans grinned and shoved his hands in hispockets, the pinpricks of light in his sockets flaring to life. “we’re gonnahave lots of fun.”
“You’d better not corrupt my nephew, Sans.If he learns a pun from you, I’m breaking up with you.”
“heh heh heh.”
In the short time before your nephew wasdropped off, you and Papyrus perused through the house to make sure everythingdangerous was put away. Anything knee-high was blocked off or sealed up.Papyrus was the one who crawled around on his hands and knees to make sure youdidn’t miss anything, while Sans’ idea of helping was to give half-assed wordsof encouragement from the living room couch.
The doorbell rang and you did your best tobrush the dust bunnies out of your hair before you answered. Sans beat you toit, having shuffled over clad in his signature slippers and that harmless smileon his face.
Your sister looked down at him and inhaledsharply, a little baffled at his presence. She had only ever seen him get upfrom the couch to his seat at the dining table when they stopped by for dinner,so it must’ve been a shock to see him up and about.
“Hi, Sans.”
“heya. c'mon in.”
Your sister paused and glanced over hershoulder. From this angle, you could see a pair of small, chubby hands wrappedaround her leg.
“Sweetie, it’s okay.” She bent down toscoop him up and he clung to her upper half, squeezing tight and burying hisface in the crook of her neck. “Sorry, guys. He just woke up from a nap so he’skind of grumpy.”
“He’s also never seen the new house before.Or met the skelebros,” you ventured. “Sans, Papyrus, this is Moo.”
“MOO?”
The toddler glanced up with shining eyes atthe sound of his name. On top of his head was a spotted, black-and-white capcomplete with floppy ears and tiny horns.
“He likes cows.”
“oh my god.” Sans succeeded in holding inhis laughter.
His mom and dad came in for just a fewminutes. They’d done their best to tell Moo that he would be staying with you,and considering you were his favorite aunt, he was totally cool with that. Butthe two strangers were still a little bit of an unknown for him, so he stuck tohis mom’s side the entire time.
“He should be okay until dinner. I’ve got abunch of spare clothes for him just in case he has an accident, but he shouldtell you when he needs to go.”
“You’re potty-trained, Moo? You’re such abig boy!”
He nodded and took a step away from hismom. The both of you continued to chat while Moo decided to explore the rest ofthe house on his own. His bare feet resting along the hardwood floors, hesquatted down to inspect a pair of shiny sneakers that belonged to none otherthan Papyrus himself.
“HELLO! I SEE YOU’VE SPOTTED MY SHOES!WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY THEM ON?”
Moo plopped down in response. Papyrus washappy to join him on the floor. Instead of tearing his shoes off, he insteadpulled apart the laces and loosened them up enough for the canvas material tostretch out.
Papyrus tore them off one by one andgrinned. “THERE WE GO, AND HERE YOU ARE. GIVE THEM A TRY.”
Moo looked down at his feet and raised aleg up.
“think he wants you to put ‘em on, bro.”
“OH!!! OF COURSE. HOW SILLY OF ME. HERE YOUARE, KING MOO. THE MOST DELICATE OF SLIPPERS TO ADORN YOUR FEET.”
You had to admit, it was adorable as hell.He and Papyrus seemed to be okay with each other. And although Sans didn’t wantto admit it, he was keeping an eyesocket on both of them to make sure thatnothing happened. If anything, it was more of a precaution for what-ifs ratherthan just him being overprotective. Because, like you said, kids were wildsometimes and could snap at any moment.
Proud of his new shoes, Moo did his best topush himself up and balance despite his feet being wayyy too small inside.Papyrus kept a gentle hand on his back while he flopped on over to his parentsto show them what he’d done.
“Oh, Moo! They look great on you!”
He beamed, proud of his work. “Mama! Apitcher!”
She fished out her phone and snapped one ofhim. He stretched out to grab it before she could even bend down to show him,marveling at the screen and swiping left and right. How kids adapted so quicklyto technology these days was beyond you.
It only took a few more minutes before hisparents left. You kissed your sister on the cheek and saw her off, promisingthat Moo would have a great time with you and the bros.
Well. Unfortunately, it looked like the onething your sister forgot to pack were snacks.
You thought you would be prepared for thiskinda thing. But after rushing to the kitchen once Moo started going on aboutwanting his favorite juice – pear, as it was – you realized that none of whatyou bought earlier in the week was going to suffice. In fact…as you rummagedthrough the empty boxes of cereal stuffed in the cabinets, you realized thatyou were completely cleaned out. What the hell!
“Sans, where are the fruit snacks in theshape of animals?”
“the frooty tooties? ate ‘em.”
“MORE LIKE HE CHEWED THEM UP UNTIL THEYWERE SQUISHY AND THEN USED THEM AS POSTER PUTTY TO HANG HIS NEW BLUEPRINTS UP!”
“Please tell me that’s a lie.”
“that’s a lie.”
“WAIT. HIS STATEMENT IS A LIE. BUT IF HE’SLYING ABOUT LYING, THEN DOES THAT MAKE IT A TRUTH?”
“Papyrus, no.”
“yes.”
“WHO DO I BELIEVE???”
You knew that you had to go out and getsome more age-appropriate snacks. Papyrus’ bone-shaped crackers were not goingto be a good combo for a kid who would’ve shoved as many as he could’ve downhis throat. That and the recipe was specifically made for making sure that theskeletons were calcified all to hell, which might’ve been a little weird tofeed a human child. Who knew what kind of repercussions would come out of that.
“Moo, follow me for a sec, okay?” You tookhim by the hoof – err, hand – and led him to the living room. He was alreadybouncing and looked restless. You had no clue when his last meal or snack was,but you weren’t ready to deal with the aftermath just yet.
It was kind of a crappy thing to do, butyou needed some time to talk to the boys in private. So you flicked on the TVand let him busy himself with the mindless chatter of some educationalcartoons.
“Okay, guys. We need a game plan.”
“EXCELLENT. I’LL GRAB MY JOURNAL. ONEMOMENT!” Papyrus rushed out of the room.
Every week Papyrus would pick his best mealfrom an array of dishes he cooked over the week, take about a day to create aphotorealistic painting of it, and then put it on the wall to cover a wall safefull of his most precious treasures. The safe was your idea, so that the dogsnooping around wouldn’t get into his figurines any more. Sans was the one whosuggested switching out the cover so people wouldn’t get suspicious. Why thatseemed logical, you would never know.
After snatching the book, Papyrus returnedto the kitchen for your huddle. He was focused, pen in his gloved hand,eyesockets narrowed, ready to strike the page with copious notes andillustrations.
“whaddid you wanna talk about, babe?”
“Moo needs snacks, since you so graciouslydecided to relieve him of those.”
“yer welcome.”
You sniffed. “Anyways, I need you guys torun to the store and pick him up some stuff. I’ll keep an eye on him here whileyou’re gone.”
“OF COURSE. BRILLIANT. I WOULD EXPECTNOTHING LESS FROM MY OTHER HALF.” Papyrus dotted his i’s and crossed his t’s,his careful penmanship a marvel even from all the way where you stood. “I, FORONE, AM GLAD TO EXPLORE THE BELLY OF THE BEAST OTHERWISE KNOWN AS SOOPERSAVERS!THEY EVEN HAVE THEIR OWN SPICE AISLE. HOW EXCITING.”
“sure, we’ll get in and out in under twentyminutes.” Sans winked.
That mischievous look on his face wasenough to put a wrench in your plans. “Okay, wait a second. I think I decidedtoo fast. Papyrus, we can’t trust Sans to go with anyone to the store. Rememberlast time? He locked you in the freezer for an hour.”
Papyrus gasped. “OH, NO. I HAD ALMOSTFORGOTTEN THOSE TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE MEMORIES!!! THE LOOK OF ABSOLUTE CONTEMPT ONTHE CARTOON COWS’ FACES AS I RESTED AMONG THE DAIRY. THEY SILENTLY JUDGED MYBONE DENSITY AND TEMPTED ME WITH WHISPERS OF CALCIUM INFUSED DRINKS!!!”
Sans kept his downright devilish grin,causing a sweat to bead on his brother’s forehead.
“DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT, SANS.”
“well, you n’ me could go.” Sans swunghimself up on the kitchen counter. You weren’t sure how he managed to do thatgiven he was short as hell, but it was best not to question him and his casualabuse of physics. “my bro could stay here with the kid, and you’d make sure iwas on my best behavior.”
“HMM, TRUE. THOUGH THAT WOULD LEAVE ME ATQUITE THE DISADVANTAGE, AS MOST OF MY ACTIVITIES REQUIRE THREE PEOPLE! WE ARETRYING TO MAKE A GOOD FIRST IMPRESSION ON MOO, SANS.”
“That and we would never get anythingdone.” You left it at that. You weren’t going to sit there and give him thesatisfaction of mentioning what happened on June 15th. You still hada scar in the shape of a bite mark that refused to go away, no thanks to him.
“WELL, WE COULD LEAVE SANS HERE ALONE ANDDO THE SHOPPING BY OURSELVES.”
You and Papyrus exchanged looks, then burstout laughing. Yeah, right. The entire house would be in shambles by the timeyou got back.
“hey, i resent that…you’re completelyright.”
You snorted. “Okay, so that’s one moreoption down. I guess this leaves one solution. Papyrus, Sans….are you two okayto stay here and watch Moo by yourselves for about an hour?”
Papyrus was quick to agree. Sans shruggedit off.
“WITH MY FAMILIARITY OF THE HOUSE, I WILL HAVENO TROUBLE DEFENDING MYSELF FROM SANS’ PRANKS. AND WE WILL SURELY BE ABLE TOCOMPLETE AT LEAST THREE PUZZLES WITH ALL OF US PARTICIPATING.”
“you gonna be ok buying groceries byyourself, babe?”
“I should be good. I’m more concerned aboutyou guys. But if you’re sure you can handle it, then I would really, reallyappreciate it.”
They both perked up. Any mention of yourapproval sent a pleasant shiver through their bones. Mostly because they lovedyou so much that making you happy was probably one of the only goals theyshared in life. (That and making sure they never missed an episode of the showall of you adored: Tales of the Aboveground, where monsters from all overshared their experiences of living on the surface.)
“THEN IT’S SETTLED. GOODBYE! WE WILL SEEYOU IN A BIT!”
“Hey, wait—”
You barely had a chance to get another wordout before you were shoved outside the front door, your bag magicallypositioned on your shoulder and keys around your fingers. You wanted to givethem some last minute advice, but the absolute Determination on their facesspoke volumes about their commitment to this. They would get through themorning without you and they weren’t going to take no for an answer.
Papyrus made sure to lock the door with aquick flick of his wrist, turning the small button on the knob despite yourprotests from outside. He sniffled.
“NYOO HOO HOO. I HATE TO LEAVE HER ON OURDOORSTEP. BUT WE HAVE TO BE STRONG.”
“it’s ok.”
“YOU’RE RIGHT. MOO NEEDS US.” Papyrus stoodto his full height and narrowed his eyes. “NOW…WHERE IS HE?”
Both paled.
“SANS ARE YOU TELLING ME WE ARE THIRTY-FIVESECONDS INTO OUR DEBUT AS BABYSITTERS AND WE HAVE LOST THE CHILD???”
“relax, bro. he’s gotta be somewhere in thehouse.”
Both went silent for any clues. Aside fromthe gentle trickling of water upstairs, it was relatively peaceful.
Wait…
Trickling water?!
“THE BATHROOM! SANS!!!”
“what about it?”
“HE’S IN THERE! STOP TRYING TO DISTRACT ME!LET’S GO!!!”
Papyrus put his gloved hand on the railingand propelled himself upward the long flight of stairs, Sans trailing behind.
The closer they got to the top, the louderthe noises became. Splashing and giggles. There were a million things thatcould’ve gone wrong when they opened the door, ninety-nine percent of which youwould probably dump them for. And they weren’t going to let that happen.
“MOO? ARE YOU IN THERE? I WOULD LIKE TOCOME IN AND JOIN YOU!”
Papyrus jiggled the doorknob.
Locked.
“aw, shit.”
“SANS! WHAT DO WE DO?! WE HAVE NO ACCESS TOHIM! HE COULD BE DOING TERRIBLE THINGS IN THERE!”
“relax, bro. we made sure to turn off thewater for the tub. we put on the special seat for the toilet, and all themedications are locked up. there’s nothin’ he could do from his height.”
At that perfect moment, both brotherslooked down to see their feet sinking into a puddle of water creeping out fromunder the door.
Sans started to sweat.
“WELL, LOOKS LIKE THIS IS A JOB FOR MYIMMEASURABLE STRENGTH. STAND BACK, SANS!”
Papyrus readied himself at the door. Thesheer power of his love for you would surely get him through.
“ONE….” He would be a hero!
“TWO…” You would be so impressed with histoddler caring skills!
“THREE!”
He went for a running start and the dooropened.
“GGAAAAAAKKK!”
He dug his heels into the floor and bracedhimself for impact, doing his very best to stop his body from launching intothe room. All he could see was a hundred scenarios that ended up in someonebeing injured, from a minor scrape to complete and utter annihilation. Maybe hewas spending too much time with Undyne after all. His mind was getting to befar more dramatic than he would’ve liked for such a delicate situation.
As he poured his last ounce of strengthinto stopping dead in his tracks, the tip of his shoe caught on the rug Sansinsisted that they place right outside the bathroom. The gross, musty one hepicked up from a garage sale because he thought it was “a bargain”. Yeah, a bigpile of disgustingness and a cheesy line! What kind of pun was, “make some roomfor dessert”???
Papyrus teetered forwards and went crashingdown onto the floor. It didn’t hurt, but it was unpleasant to feel the stifftufts of the rug’s fabric scraping against his bones. Dazed, he lifted his headjust high enough to see the damage.
Moo had somehow tipped the trashcan overand stood up high enough for him to reach over to the sink. He had taken giantwads of toilet paper, coated them in water and soap, and then slapped the mushymass all over the bathroom. On Papyrus self-portrait made of dry pasta. Onthe cute little figurines that you swore brought life to the place. And even onSans’ joke book that had at least fifty unsanitary references!
With his consciousness fading and lastmortified look, Moo took the toilet brush and brought it up to his mouth tosniff it.
Sans knew that his brother would be okay,but it was still hilarious to see him faint like that. He mostly did it when heoverloaded on sensory things, which happened more often when Papyrus didn’thave his gloves on. But today it might’ve just been a combination of all newthings plus the pretty disgusting state the bathroom was in.
Sans couldn’t be prouder of the little guy.Already destroying the grossest room in the entire house. Man, humans werefascinating already with their digestive systems, but all the tools and suchused to help keep things civilized was enough to make him crack up. Seeing alittle kid completely oblivious toward all of that and dismantling the entirepolite system they had going on was amazing.
“kid, i think we’re gonna get along.”
He stuck his hand out, and was promptlygiven a slimy wad of tissue covered in snot.
“oh, man. that’s disgusting. i love it.”
Papyrus stirred from his unscheduled nap.He felt a little groggy, but the anxiety from before he passed out lingeredlong enough for him to snap back to reality. He sat up and rubbed at hiseyesockets.
“SANS? MOO? ARE YOU BOTH HERE?”
The whole bathroom was in disarray. Papyruscouldn’t bear to look! He reached for the door handle and made sure he didn’thave to subject his eyes to any more torture.
Papyrus happened to glance down at hischest while he pulled himself up from the floor. Pinned to his chest, along thepillow armor that had been fitted on him somehow, was a simple note.
countto ten, then see if you can find us
“I AM NOT PLAYING THIS GAME!” he shouted. “OH,WAIT. THERE IS ANOTHER MESSAGE WRITTEN ON THE BACK OF THE PAPER.” He turned itover.
yougotta. if you’re still not convinced, flip me over again
“WHAT!!!” Papyrus did as he was told.
wait,how does this paper have three sides? anyway, if you don’t do it i’ll trashyour room. love, your bro
“I HATE THIS!!!!” And, against his betterjudgment… “ONE, TWO, THREE…”
After ten agonizing seconds, Papyrus madehis way downstairs. He found a trail of flour leading to the backdoor, at leastfive toys strewn across the floor, some plastic utensils wedged between thecouch cushions, and the phone was off the hook with someone shouting on theother line.
“HELLO?” Papyrus scrambled for the phone,managing to wrestle it up to his face despite the long retro cord being tangledup in knots. “YOU HAVE REACHED THE HOME OF THE GREAT PAPYRUS, HIS EQUALLY GREATLADY, AND ONE LAZY BROTHER, HOW CAN I ASSIST YOU?”
“Paps? It’s me. Is everything okay?”
His breath caught in his throat. Somehow. “AH!!!YES, EVERYTHING IS GOING GREAT!” He started to sweat. “HOW IS THE STORE? HAVEYOU FOUND PRODUCTS AT REASONABLE AND UNBEATABLE PRICES?”
“I think so. I’m in line right now, butthere’s only one cashier and he looked like a new hire. He’s paging the emptystore for someone to do a price check on Mettamuffins. Oh my god. Now he’spanicking.”
“THIS STORY IS INCREDIBLY INTERESTING ANDDOWNRIGHT SCANDALOUS, BUT I HAVE SOME…THINGS…TO ATTEND TO.”
“Hmm. Are you sure you’re doing okay?”
He nearly cracked, but didn’t. “OF COURSEWE AM! I MEAN, OF COURSE I ARE! I WILL JUST HAVE TO MAKE SURE I CLEAN UP SOMEOF OUR…ACTIVITIES! GOOD LUCK ON CHECKING OUT YOUR ITEMS! SMOOCH!!!”
He hung up and heard a quiet snicker in theroom.
“SANS, I KNOW YOU’RE IN HERE. THIS CHILD’SPRESENCE HAS MADE YOU EVEN MORE…CHILDISH!!! PLEASE COME OUT OF HIDING, SHE ISCOMING BACK SOON AS WE NEED TO FIX THIS PLACE UP!”
No answer.
Papyrus crossed his arms and thought deeplyon where his brother would be hiding. His favorite spot to snooze in as of latewas the closet near the front door. But it didn’t look like that side of thehouse had been touched just yet. Sans also liked to roll under the couch andsleep under the comfortable weight of the cushions, but when he did that, healmost always managed to kick one slipper off. No sign of that.
As he rubbed his chin thoughtfully, a smalldroplet of liquid splashed against the top of his skull.
“…SANS!!!”
“heh heh. ya got me.”
Papyrus looked up and put his hands on hiships. Sans had somehow crawled up to the corner of the ceiling and was wedgedup there.
“WHERE IS MOO?”
“around here. told him to hide.”
“WE NEED TO BE WATCHING HIM!”
Sans slipped down the length of the wallwithout batting an eye. “ok, ok. i told him to hide in my room. let’s check itout.”
The trek toward the brothers’ bedrooms waslong and arduous, filled with slick spots of melting sticks of butter and granola.A gross combination, and Papyrus wasn’t even sure how he managed to get accessto more food. So much for locking everything up. But despite the harsh terrain,both brothers persisted until they reached Sans’ safe haven.
“hey, bro. what’re you doing? knock first.”
“THERE IS NO TIME FOR FORMALITIES. MOO, IAM COMING IN!”
The stench was unbearable. Dirty clotheslying haphazardly on the floor. A lampshade on the floor. Cloudy test tubesstacked on top of each other. Crumpled bedsheets, pillows stained with coffeeand tea, a plate caked with mysterious gray mold. The entire place looked likeit had seen the wrath of a certain three-year-old.
“everythin’ looks normal to me.”
“OH MY GOD. THE SMELL IS EVEN WORSE THAN ITWAS THIS MORNING!”
“oh yeah. i forgot to put this back in thefridge.” Sans picked up a cup of milk that already started to bubble in the smoldering,stuffy summer heat. “was gonna see if i could ferment this, but figured it’d bebetter to start another day.”
“DO YOU SEE HIM?”
“nope. call him.”
“MOOOOOOO!”
Sans’ eyesockets crinkled. “bro, are youpart cow?”
“NO.”
“because that impression was moo-ving.”
“STOP THIS.”
Then they heard it. A gasp. It was faint,but it was there.
“IS THAT…THE ATTIC???”
How did one child manage to maneuver aroundso easily? Humans were so tenacious! Neither of them could imagine raising oneof their own if they were all like this!
“MOOOOOO!”
“moooo.”
It was dark. How did he even navigate? Whenyou moved in with the brothers, there was so much extra stuff that it was allshoved up here. You and Sans promised to sort through it, but every time youwere both up here at the same time, you ended up just making a giant mess andleaving it worse off than when you came.
Papyrus nearly tripped over a giant chestfull of early courting gifts from him. You said they needed to be kept in asafe place, and that they were priceless, so they had to be stored away. Hebelieved you wholeheartedly, because you had wrapped them up in the softestblankets to shield them from dust and time. That and he caught you sneaking uphere sometimes just to admire them.
“bro, did you hear that?”
“HEAR WHAT?”
Sans froze. His eyesockets went dark.
“we’ve been cornered.”
Jumping out from the shadows, fingerssplayed and mouth opened wide, was Moo.
“Raaaah!”
Both of the brothers were surprised, butdid their best not to laugh. A tiny human in a cow costume roaring at them likea dinosaur was…probably the best thing they’d seen in weeks. It didn’t helpthat Moo charged toward them, bending down on all fours, the tiny tail sewn onhis backside flapping with every bounce toward them.
“PLEASE DON’T HURT US!” Papyrus cried.
But it was too late. Moo had conquered themboth, crawling on top of their toppled bodies and declaring himself as thewinner with a loud, long roar.
“alright, kiddo. let’s get you backdownstairs.” Sans plucked him off his chest and tucked him under an arm. “yougave us a big scare.”
“YOU COULD HAVE HURT YOURSELF…” Papyrusbegan. But after seeing the near teary look in Moo’s eyes, he recanted. “YOUWERE VERY BRAVE TO COME UP HERE BY YOURSELF. BUT NEXT TIME YOU SHOULD PLAY NEARUS, OKAY? WE WANT TO SEE MOO THE DINOSAUR UP CLOSE!”
All three of them headed back to the livingroom where Moo’s giant bag still sat untouched.
“I HAVE A COLORING BOOK I THINK YOU WOULDLIKE.”
“Crayons, please!”
“nice job, kid. use yer manners and you’llget far.”
“I SHOULD WASH HIS CLOTHING IN A FEW HOURS.HE LOOKS STICKY. OR IS THAT NORMAL FOR HIS AGE?”
Everything was okay after that. Some minorincidents – like Moo breaking a crayon and then throwing a tantrum despitebeing given the exact same color to use instead. The brothers had to muster up alltheir patience to deal with his screams and flailing limbs, but they managed toget him to stop wailing after a while.
In the end, the house was completelytrashed, but everyone was safe and sound.
You parked the car in the driveway andrummaged through the bag, grabbing a piece of candy to shove in your mouth. Ugh.What was supposed to be a quick trip to the store ended up being the biggestnightmare of your life. Long lines, rude customers, unorganized shelves, aclown blocking your nearest exit until you donated to his law school fund, andeven a broken traffic light that resulted in a twenty-minute detour through afuneral motorcade.
Needless to say, you were relieved to behome.
After gathering everything in your arms,you headed to the door. A smarter person would’ve called the brothers to letthem know that you were here, but you were so exhausted that the thought nevereven crossed your mind.
Knock. Knock.
“who’s there?”
“Sans.”
“sans who?”
“Sans, please let me in, my arms are goingnumb!”
“i don’t get it.”
“PERHAPS THE HUMOR LIES IN THE REALISM.”
“oh, ok.”
You heard him unlatch the door and youpractically burst in. “Someone please help me get these to the kitchen!”
Papyrus did more than that. He simplyscooped you up, bags and all, so that you were no longer crumbling under theircrushing weight. You were relieved to receive help, but gosh, it did bring a littlecolor to your cheeks when he easily carted you around like that.
He set you down in the middle of thekitchen. Without hesitation, you made your way into the fridge and startedshoving all sorts of snacks inside.
“So? How did it go, guys?”
Sans grinned. “eh, so boring.”
“What, really?”
“IT WAS…NEW.”
You peered over the fridge door. “I don’tknow if I like the sound of that. Where’s Moo?”
“NAPPING ON THE COUCH.”
“Wait, you guys actually got him to sleep?”
“he was kinda giving us a run for ourmoney, so it’s nice he decided to help us out with that.”
“Oh, no. Was he a handful?”
“heh. you decide.”
You blinked and stepped away from yourlittle comfort zone, only to fully drink in how destroyed the house was.
Yeah, it looked like a toddler had beenthrough here, all right. Everyone’s possessions poked and prodded. Annoying Dogeven had a balloon strapped to its tail, trying its best to run away from it asit hovered menacingly over its back. The walls had some minor scribbles hereand there, the carpet had splotches of (what you hoped was washable) paint,there were scraps of paper and a pair of kid scissors scattered along thefloor, and even Moo’s stuffed cow was completely soaked.
“Do I want to know?”
“not really.”
“WE HAD FUN, THOUGH.”
You sighed, relieved, and smiled at them.Your chest even felt a little tight. Ew, you were about to get sappy on them.Sugar overload.
“Thanks, guys. I’m really glad.”
“NOW YOU CAN HELP US WATCH OVER MOO FOR THEREST OF THE DAY!”
“yep.” Munch. “might as well include you onthe fun. ‘sides, you haven’t even seen how he pronounced the word ‘fantastic’.”Swallow.
“…why would he even say that in the firstplace?” you ventured. “Wait, never mind. The point is. You two were a hugehelp. I couldn’t have done this without you, and…I’m really looking forward tothe rest of Moo’s visit if I have both of you here with me.”
Papyrus’ eyesockets sparkled. Sans wasembarrassed, but shot you a cheesy grin anyway.
“Alright, when he wakes up, I’ll make him asnack plate. Sans, can you stop eating for a sec and hand me the FrootyTooties?”
“uh…whoops.”
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