#i'm still in my feels about yesterday
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Oscar looking smaller than Lando doesn't happen a lot, but look how cute and tiny he is in his little hood :((
#big brother lil brother vibes are strong with this one#i'm still in my feels about yesterday#landoscar man... people will talk about them in the future#lando norris#oscar piastri#landoscar#mclaren f1#tiny oscar#my babies
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Owen Wilson and Tom Hiddleston in Midnight in Paris (2011) // Loki S02E01 (2023)
#lokius#midnight in paris#loki#mobius#owen wilson#tom hiddleston#mcuedit#lokiedit#CLENCHING MY FISTS#the full circle of it all... something something i was following you no i was following you oh i'm insane about them 😭😭#to think this is where they ended up all these years later#not only masters of their craft but with an appreciation of grabbing a slutty little waist that only comes with great cinema#you love to see it!#(also if you saw me first label the loki ep as airing in 2024 since it still feels like s2 was yesterday then shhhh no you didn't 🤣)#marvel#marveledit#owenwilsonedit#movieedit#dianagifs
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Close ups on the pocket details!!! I'm SUPER happy w how the top pockets look 😳😳😳
I think the variety of pride pins with the moral panic button/Mr Faggot beadwork just. Really sells it. Shadow the Hedgehog voice Pee Your Pants. If you're going to be a shithead about me I'm going to be really annoying and do a bit about it. Plus the little golden angel pin... ALSO really pulls the whole thing together. "God help you" Right in front of my guardian angel? Really? 😒And how could I not make mention of. The Skull. I love you The Skull. It's a button (not sewn on yet, pinned) that I filled the details in w nail polish. Oh yeah! Besides the bottle cap pins (acrylics sealed with mod podge and a prayer), the biggest addition there is the chain lining the pocket flap! I think it looks SO SLICK
The pansy was gonna go on the queer side, but then I got the boutonniere idea! And I think it looks nice! Kinda adds to the asymmetry of the floral print/plaid blocking. And... of course.... I have... my friends...... 🥺 Biggest additions here are the glow-star pentagram pin, soda tabs and the heart locket!
I don't really have many new additions to the bottom pockets. Not yet! The only thing I did was stitch one side of the handcuff chain, and rearrange the pins holding up the other side. The cuffs/scorpion was just an impulse addition before going to a concert. But I do like it! And it looks even better now! Meanwhile, that other pocket, I actually have no idea what I'll do. Sakura is just there cause she matches really well, esp w the angel pin actually!
#punk tag#diy punk#my projects#I FORGOT I USED THAT TAG .#also i AM gonna put patches on this thang I PROMISE. I WAS TOO SCARED LAST RUN. THIS RUN. WILL BE DIFFERENT.#again still waiting. but i really really wanted to show off/talk about the details!!!!!#i have sooooo many Thoughts behind this jacket like. an entire ideology. it almost feels like drag in a way#like! in the sense that there's a performance and art going on here. if my existence is inherently controversial#then i'm gonna lean into that. make you sit with that. and i'm NO LONGER CUTE ABOUT IT#<- guy who called himself cute yesterday bc I LOOKED REALLY GOOD. IT WAS AWESOME. OKAY#i forget i have a body and a face so much.#also! the cuffs!!! feel like a slight nod to the kink community. like. i really do feel like the demonization of kink#is the reason why so much. everything is so bad. i have thoughts about this but i can't fully articulate them rn#but like. points at the sign that says all queerness and esp queer expression is kink in the eyes of bigots#points at the sign that those are my friends you asshole. it might even be me. who knows....#any which way! really coming together! i do really need to get studs though i think. the. horrors.#and also i'll look sick as hell.#rn i feel it's... well. not exactly subtle but i am fortunate to live in a safe area. i live in mind your own business state.#not like. saying that to you i mean like that's the general attitude where i live LMFAOOO#the worst i've gotten is a lady saying 'god help you' to me in passing. and that was really recent#an indication of ohhh changing tides. unsettling. but also she couldn't even look me in the eye when she said that lmfao#any which way! i am thinking of my safety but also i do feel like i'm lucky enough to have time.#my jacket
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I've gotten so burnt out with miphlink lately, it feels like everything I draw is for other people (only for it to get mostly ignored anyway) :/ I have so many miphlink aus that I love so much but I just feels like there's no audience and it's getting harder and harder to share my stuff and enjoy it o(︶︿︶)o
(I did recently think about a lifeguard x swim teacher au which I really like the idea of tho. But there's still a worry that I'll make link in a way people don't like and will get criticised which happens a lot in the main part of the miphlink fandom when someone disagrees with a big person in fandom.....)
#snail speaks#meanwhile zelpha is really fun but i cant share it without this intense feeling of guilttttt#i'm.strugglign to enjoy miphlink as a whole#and zelpha fandom feels like its jist 99% wrong dynamic for me to enjoy#so i'm really not sure what to do#i still love my model au#and my ponyo au#but god. i want to do something different with a different dynamic#^ thats it! thats my problem#i need to do something new#(the thing with miphlink is that the fandom can be kind of mean to me.#and i'm scared to do anything that is slightly darker or less cute)#it feels like i'm constantly competing with my fellow creators :/#also i sketched some zelpha yesterday and it was SO EASY#i didnt have yo think about what was ok or how their dynamic is meant to be#i need to treat miphlink like a sandbox again#anyway thats a lot of tags haha#i just want a space where i can enjoy MIPHA
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This time last year I would drive out to shows an hour and a half away from me and my back would already be in pain by the time I arrived. All I could do was stand there and nod along and stand one or two rows back from the pit and hold my arm up to keep people standing if they knocked back into me. By the end of the show I would be fatigued and my feet, my back, my neck, and my shoulders would be in moderate to severe pain, even if I took a naproxen before I left.
Last night I went to a show the same distance from me where the headliner had an hour and a half set. I was on the edge of a rowdy push pit full of sturdy to beefy dudes in their 30s and 40s and even on the edge there was a lot of dancing and jumping and shoving. I honestly only recognized one song from the headliner but I was having the time of my life and was incredibly sweaty and tired out by the end, and only my feet were mildly sore, not even having taken pain meds
It only really struck me last night just how different my experience is now to when I started going to shows regularly 2 years ago, and especially last year at my worst point with pain, and it got me reflecting on what's changed.
I had a breast reduction/top surgery. I had physical therapy, which I'm still seeing the benefits of even though I definitely had some deconditioning after surgery. I switched to slightly better shoes. I also have a different car and the head rest doesn't tilt my neck forward lol. I can't tell if I'm more active or not - I've been going to more shows and going on like 1 or 2 10-min walks per week, but my job changed from hybrid to fully remote so it's hard to tell.
The best part though? Fatphobes can get absolutely wrecked because in the past year I've put on maybe 20-25lbs and my knee and hip pain are gone so🖕🖕
#I think the PT and surgery are the biggest factors but the rest adds up!#I was feeling down the past few weeks about still not having great stamina or strength but yesterday put into perspective how far I've com#I don't feel so hopelessly deep in a hole - maybe I can still make even more quality of life improvements to my activity level like this#And I did it without spiralling into unhealthy attitudes and behaviors to do with exercising even while experiencing shame in that category#Anyway I'm in my 30s and getting back out there after a looot of isolation in the first 3 yrs of the pandemic. It's hard but worth it 🖤#*masked through all this too!
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this 'I'm probably nonbinary but I have a job so I can't worry about that right now' mentally I've adopted is quickly falling apart
I am worrying about it
#every day I come to a new soulcrushing realization#about me wanting to be a man#yesterday I was thinking about how I don't want to have kids ever#but then I imagined myself as a man and being a father#and it didn't sound so bad#I'm going insane#I'm more or less ok being a girl right now i think#but the idea of growing old and still being a girl is making me want to rip my skin off#I feel like I'm running against time#but there's no fucking way I can transition it's just not possible
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believe it or not, writing down your feelings on something you're conflicted on can actually make you feel better about it
#genuinely spent a lot of yesterday with arcane swirling around in my head#and I just kept feeling worse and worse about it#but I'm legit feeling better now#turns out that yeah I still love this show a whole lot#rambling
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The far right scored 40% in France for the European elections. We're the second country with the most seats. And many other countries have the far right leading too. This is a catastrophe.
Because of tonight's results, President Macron decided to dissolve French Parliament. We're called to vote again in 21 days. The left is scattered and all parties have suffered an incredible defeat today. The only result of these new elections will be to give majority to the far right in the French Parliament too. We'll have a neo-capitalist president governing with a far right prime minister.
I don't know why he chose to dissolve. Like the entirety of the left, I hate Macron. He's been conducting the cruelest class warfare and the bourgeoisie received several victories thanks to him. But I still prefer his majority to a far right majority. He called himself the shield against the far right. It was already hypocrisy and I've been saying for a long time his policies were just giving power to the fascists. Now he's literally doing it.
#i'm still shocked i think#the far right was predicted at 30% which was already atrocious#and now they got 40#the only time I was counting on this damn president's ego#to keep parliament as it is#and not make things worse#he concedes defeat#i just feel so powerless#the only thing that was keeping a horrible transphobic law to be voted#was the huge leftist block in Parliament#now it'll be gone#they're going to be even worse about immigration#climate change#every minorities' rights#yesterday was pride in my city#for fuck's sake#i was still on the pride hype#and now we're just going to have fascist government#here too#upthebaguette#i guess#nothing to be up about#french side of tumblr
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it's so funny (read: sad) that if bigoted fuckheads didn't insist i was a woman simply by virtue of my body at birth, i'd probably be chill with she/her pronouns in addition to he/they. if my mom didn't insist i was her daughter, i'd probably let her call me that, and we could still have a relationship.
i'm nonbinary and 'gendered' words are hypothetically meaningless, but because there are so many people who are more interested in telling me who i am rather than lovingly and curiously letting me express my own sense of self, those words carry trauma.
there's no reason a nonbinary person like myself can't be a son and a child and a daughter. there's no reason a nonbinary person like me can't go by he, they, and she.
'she' is not a slur. 'daughter' is not derogatory. 'beautiful' 'pretty' 'gorgeous' 'feminine' are not insults.
to the contrary, they're parts of language that express certain facets of a multi-faceted human existence, like mine.
and i have this sad, mournful feeling that if it weren't for unloving, condescending people, i'd probably be down to be called any of those things alongside my usual masculine/neutral terminology.
but i'd rather die than let anyone tell me what i have to be called.
#i try to reclaim 'feminine' words for myself in private#calling myself 'babygirl' when i need to chill out. or saying i feel pretty. or going 'she needs help' when i'm struggling lmao.#but there's still so much fucking trauma in those words from the people who've forced them on me#who've snarled in my face that GOD made me ONE THING and ONE THING ONLY and that's a WOMAN (stepdad)#who've guilted me for taking their precious perfect daughter away as if i'm fucking dead (mother)#who've mocked me and everyone like me as if we're not the experts on our own sense of self (general transphobic public)#like. i'm not a fucking man. i'm not a fucking woman. i'm nonbinary. gender is absurdity as a concept. i'm done with it.#but being called a man or a son or a guy or 'he' or WHATEVER in that vein is fine and dandy because i've never had anyone say#'that is all you can EVER be'. or worse: 'that is what GOD made you to be and you have a ROLE to fill'#(christianity pls die approximately yesterday thanku 💖)#so yeah. idk. ranting yet again about Cis Audacity.#the complete lack of empathy. the lack of curiosity even.#the condescending bullshit. the 'i understand you better than you do'. the fucking AUDACITY.#i am the expert on myself. i am the ONLY expert on myself. period. no contest. not a debate.#i understand myself better than anyone else is CAPABLE of understanding me.#i could call myself 'she' and understand that i meant it in a nonbinary way.#in fact i could even see myself letting other trans people call me feminine terms at some point in the future. when i've healed more.#but cis people? probably not. they can call me 'he' or 'they' or they can fuck off & never get to know me because they don't wanna know ME#/end rant#any terfs/bigots that try to touch this post will be swiftly blocked and quite possibly cursed. have the day you deserve <3
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I'm hoping taking an extended break from Limbus (aside from dailies and weeklies, of course), helps me return to it with passion, again ... make no mistake, I am thinking about the game and characters nonstop--even when engaged in other activities--I've just been having trouble posting about it due to a myriad of things.
#the break has been over the last month or two ... I'm just now starting to get back into thinking about it seriously#part of my problem is I don't engage with it in the usual ''fandom'' way ... I'm not here for ships or jokes#instead I like it from the perspective of someone who enjoys storytelling#I like seeing the way they adapt classic stories ... the way the characters interact and grow and change#make no mistake--I am still 100% in love with Heathcliff#but I don't just enjoy Limbus for the sake of OC × Canon ... my relationship with it is more complex than that#today--or yesterday I suppose--I finally got back into Red Chamber and read a good 400 pages#so I'm starting to feel that fire come back ...#also I changed Rodya's emoji back to the slot machine#just felt better considering her Canto#anyway!!#I'm going to bed ... feeling a bit excited for the event later in the day#it's a rerun but it's voiced--and it's a Heathcliff focused event so ~#I'm mostly looking forward to the new goodies#I need Thread so I can Uptie things ...#scattered pages
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man i really wish they'd remake origins because playing this game is so tedious
#🏹⠀ ── ⠀ ooc : whispers from the fade .#i've started literally just skipping all the combat#i had to replay the same mission like 6 times yesterday and in the end i was losing my mind#finding things/locations without googling it is impossible#morrigan i looked for ur moms grimoire like 3 times but idk where the fuck it is so let's just pretend we found it. god#also i got to a point in the game last night that made me uncomfortable and i still feel weird about it today and THAT'S weird#but i want to continue so i can remember what happens. ughhhhh#also the private chats in the party camp don't really... match the pace of the main story?#or at least where i think the characters should be given the events of the main quest#everything feels disjointed. none of the character check ins are at the same pace as the others. i'm confused and scared#immersive i guess?#i can't wait to finish and get to my da2 replay#i have all these people in my camp and the only ones i use are zevran alistair and morrigan#and ALISTAIR dies CONSTANTLY#yeah i'm looking at you big boy
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//.
#🌊 | outside the ship / ooc#vent tw#tbd.#[ I think I'm about to hit a big burnout again but I don't want this to happen ]#[ a lot of shit happened today that made me feel emotionally exhausted I guess ]#[ like I have to make a different kind of food; we ran out of water here due to the heat ]#[ my shoulder still hurts because of yesterday's walk and now one my my earbud's side just stopped working. out of nowhere ]#[ my mom is going to be mad at me bcs these were basically new ughh ]#[ I'm sorry for those who are waiting I'll promise I'll try to make up for it this weekend if I'm able ]#[ I have a shit ton of stuff in my inbox but I promise I'll try to get to them soon ]#[ I'm just. man ]
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7am, eating cold leftover teriyaki stir-fry for breakfast and crying over blorbos
#normal Saturday morning behavior#redacted spoilers#redacted audio#redacted sam#Seven.txt#rp audio stuff#well. crying over one singular blorbo in particular. Sam's still got me in an emotional chokehold#and i'm too sad to even make a stupid little joke abt how i wouldn't mind if it was a physical one too. ayeee *insert sad eyebrow wiggle*#no but seriously. i have so many feelings abt him and i can't even say it all bc some of it isn't public info yet#eh fuck it i'll just draft this until the audio goes public and then i'll post it once it's no longer Exclusive Info#bc i dont wanna leak Early Access stuff but i have to get this out of my system rn and the new audio is part of what sparked these thoughts#which is funny bc i. literally haven't even listened to it yet. i'm not Ready 😭#where's that tiktok screenshot that's like. 'hyperfixation so bad that i can't even engage with the source material' bc that's me rn#like bro Sam only won the poll like. 2 or 3 days ago and Eric is Already dropping a new Sam audio?? hello? Mr. Redacted i wasn't prepared#anyways i was spoiling myself by perusing the comments last night trying to get a feel for if it's gonna be more angst or comfort#and i saw a comment that absolutely shattered me. and it reignited all my sad thoughts about Sam's eventual. uh. y'know. death.#apparently they plant a tree together or smthn in the new audio (which already has me & my beloved 10y/o orange tree feeling some kinda way#but to the individual in the comments who brought to all our minds the image of Sam sitting beneath that tree in 30 or so years time#when he's decided that he's ready to die and sits out there waiting for the sun to rise..................... 🥲#i'm gonna need u to compensate me for all of that unexpected emotional damage /j /nm#i'm Still not over what he told Darlin' while they had their talk about the future up on his roof together. that audio killed me#then yesterday i was listening to my Sam & Darlin' playlist while cleaning. and Malibu Nights by LANY came on. which i always skip bc Sad#but i let it play and just started crying. standing in the middle of the room all disheveled and holding a broom. as one does.#iirc that song is one that Eric himself said is applicable to Sam which is why/how i found it and put it on the playlist. and god. g o d#hm. i hope that wasn't Patreon exclusive info. i can't remember if it was a public post where he said that or not. hope it's okay to share#but if we can take that song as like. unofficial canon for Sam then that also confirms my idea that he used to drink to cope#which makes the opening lines of Fix What You Didn't Break by Nate Smith even more applicable. i should go edit that post actually#anyways i'm just. feeling a lot. and i love Sam very much and i don't want him to die. but i want him to do what he wants at the same time#Alexis took so fucking much from him. he deserves to live - and end - his life on his own terms. ... i think i need to go write something#*casually fishes this post out of the drafts 3 and a half days later* hi so uh. i wrote a 4k oneshot :) and will hopefully post it tomorrow
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tearing up over the bridge of on my way? no. shut up
#feeling very#it's not like what i'd imagined when i was a child#the older i get the less i understand. there's days i hate from the bottom of my heart and there's nights i'm too anxious to sleep#i still can't forget what happened that day#i still can't forgive the me of yesterday#trying my best to#but there's times when you have to hold up the people who've been supporting you all this time#if i can say all that what'm i hesitating for?#how long'm i gonna do this for?#inside my head look at the world around me#i can see that the road ahead is long#when it feels like i'm about to go crazy... step by step let's move forward okay!#man i don't think i can necessarily water/aroma therapy my way outta this one guys#valiant posting
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TOMORROW??!!!?!&^?!??!%?&&^??!!!@
#crying and throwing up right now lowkey#i actually just got so nervous today out of nowhere. before that i was fine the whole day. AGGHGHHHGG#feeling very normal about the fact that i'm going to see tmbg in less than 24 hours???!??? what????!!!!#my pal attended the bristol show so if i get any updates about that this evening still i might be unable to go to sleep at all i'm afraid#oh also as you can probably tell by the fact that i didn't start screaming about that here yesterday#they didn't read my story during the show rip. but i mean it's ok#maybe i don't need to add anything more to the pile of things to go mad about at this time#goosepost
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#altaria#here it is… the bird that turns into a dragon-type because reasons…#i still don't think just from looking at this thing that they should be a dragon-type. i feel like it still seems out-of-place given their#design but HONESTLY i like it. i think it's a cool like. subversion. type thing. i would not look at swablu and be like Yeah that evolves#into a dragon-type. and apparently a really good one at that? i believe i've heard good things about altaria#ugh. good things. got a selection of GOOD THINGS on sale‚ stranger… my brain does that sometimes#when i hear or say innocuous phrases it's like HEY that's the same thing this OTHER guy said in this QUOTE you've heard before#dunno WHY but. it happens. and it just happened there. but altaria i dunno it's a dragon-type and that's awesome. i don't remember what i#said i was gonna talk about on the swablu post yesterday wrt altaria and i am too lazy to look back at those tags to remember#hi it's me morning of this posting at like 7 AM. i remembered bc i just looked. i was gonna ask if they were good competitively#and. i'm pretty sure they are. ALRIGHT LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT SMOGON#ah okay not busted but generally good i guess. latest information states RU in gen 9 but UU in a lot of other gens. NU and PU in there too#bounced around a lot i guess. but here's my question. why? do i care#it's cute. and i don't care if they're strong or not… because they're cute…
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