#i'm still going to be thinking about this tomorrow

[luckyladylily]

So there is a lot of bad stuff going on right now, and I'm sure there are lots of people feeling hopeless and thinking of suicide. Well, I've been suicidal for 21 years and I have a few practical pieces of advice for surviving that I rarely see in other places but I think have done more to keep me off the ledge than almost anything.

1. Don't feel guilty for wanting to kill yourself. Life can be extremely painful, and you are not weak, a coward, or irrational for considering the obvious way to alleviate that pain. Guilt on top of the rest of your pain will not help, and you are not a bad person. You are going to have to tell yourself this a lot.

2. If you think you might do it, find an excuse to live. This is different from a reason to live in that it is short term and shallow. For years my excuse was that I still had enough money to buy a pizza and I'd be damned if I didn't get my last pizza before I died, and if i still wanted to kill myself after the pizza then I had lost nothing. I swear this kept me alive through some of the hardest years of my life.

3. If you have an online friend you can trust, ask if they would be willing to do check in duty occasionally on your worst nights. It's very simple, on bad days where hurting yourself is a real possibility, ask your friend if they can send you a message at regular intervals, say 15 or 20 minutes, confirming that you are safe. It can be as simple as "check?", with you responding "I'm ok". Being immediately held accountable makes not doing it so much easier. I asked a friend to help me like this about two weeks ago to deal with a really bad self harm day and the difference between trying to do it on your own and simple check ins is astounding. It hurts so much less.

4. You die with nothing left on the table. This is for when it's over and you are going to kill yourself. You have a plan, you are ready, and you want to. At this point you are effectively dead. Which means there are no consequences. You can finally do the thing that you were always too scared to do. Maybe it's quitting your job, or confessing to your crush. For me it was coming out as trans. This is your last ditch effort, so if it blows up in your face and ruins everything it is no loss because your plan will still work tomorrow. You were already dead anyway, who cares if you left behind a bit more chaos.

[purplecoffee13]

NFWMB - PART FIVE*

Summary: “Y/N hasn’t been able to stop thinking about what happened, but it seems like she is not the only one overthinking this time…”

Tropes: innocent!reader x boxer!harry

Wc: 3k

Warnings: smutty scenes, oral (fem receiving), dirty talk, teeny tiny bit of angst ig

A/N: I AM BACK! I finished my exams today and I hurried home to write the rest of this chapter bc I have been itching to do so for the past weeks. I will try not to put as much time in between the next chapters, sorry about that! Love you all and enjoy!!!

General Masterlist

Series Masterlist

It had been three days. Three entire days since the kissing-in-the-car debacle that Y/N had participated in, and she still wasn't over it. How was she supposed to act normal at their class tomorrow? It had plagued her mind ever since she walked into her apartment that Saturday night.

All weekend, she had been contemplating different things. Saturday and Sunday, she was sure she wanted to never see his face again because she couldn't stand the embarrassment. But when Monday rolled around and re-thought everything after coming back from work, she realized that she should probably be mature and talk to him.

However, that resulted into her pacing around her room like a maniac with the phone in her hand, his number ready to dial. For the past twenty minutes she had been trying to convince herself to just press that call button and get it over with.

"C'mon..." Y/N growled to herself. She stopped in her tracks, took a deep breath, and finally called him. Her hands were sweating as the dial tone sounded over and over again, and the nerves she felt were sure to explode her stomach, but she kept breathing and waited for Harry to pick up.

The distant sound of a phone ringing took Y/N’s attention away from her own attempted call. Her heart began beating even faster as she walked towards her front door, and sure enough, when looking through her peephole, she saw Harry standing in front of her door.

As she took the lock off, Y/N broke up the call and putting her phone in her pocket. Harry's eyes were wide at the door opening all of a sudden, but he still managed to muster an awkward smile amidst his shock before he greeted her.

"Hi." He said quietly.

"Hi." She greeted back, unsure of what to do or say or feel. "uhm, what are you doing here?"

The question came out so soft, as if she was scared to ask it, not ready for the consequences his answer may bear. Maybe it was true; she had always had the feeling that her body was better at communicating her true feelings than her brain was.

"I need to talk to you." Harry said, his tone serious enough for Y/N's chest to start pressing on her, but a soft edge to it nonetheless. "Can I come in?"

She nodded, opening the door wider and letting Harry inside her apartment. He walked in and silently observed the place. Y/N felt oddly tense as she waited for him to take it all in, but he was quite quick to turn around. In the seconds that he stood there, entirely quiet, Y/N deduced the obvious: he was awaiting some instructions from her.

"Go sit on the couch, do you want something to drink?" She asked, already heading for the kitchen. Harry sat down like she told him to, but shook his head.

"No thank you, just wanna talk. Can you... sit down?" His difficulty to meet her eye and the apprehension behind his words had Y/N immediately head for the couch and sit down next to him.

"What did you want to talk about?" She asked innocently, like she wasn’t the reason this awkwardness existed in the first place.

"About last Saturday." He answered. You began to shake your head, cheeks already reddening from the shame that washed over you.

"Harry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—"

"Just— hold on," He interrupted her. "I said something, that night, I can't help but think that you didn't take it how I meant it. And it has been eating at me all weekend because I'd hate to be the fool who accidentally rejected you."

Harry's eyes bored into Y/N's until she couldn't take the intensity of it anymore and looked down. He leaned forward, putting his hand on her leg. She studied his fingers as they slowly caressed her skin.

"Harry, it's okay. I misinterpreted it, you don't have to make excuses to make me feel better." She shrugged her shoulders, hoping to prematurely dodge any bullets that might have ended up with her crying otherwise.

"I'm not!" He protested. "I— Y/N, look at me."

When she didn't instantly comply, Harry's fingers traced up to her chin and redirected her face towards him, forcing her to meet his gaze. His thumb slowly stroked her chin as he took in every inch of her face.

"I wanted it." He said slowly, making sure she heard every word he says. Slowly leaning in, he added: "Really bad."

His lips hovered near hers, so close it was nearly sending her into a frenzy, but far away enough for him to assess her reaction on his movements. But Y/N was an open book, a reactive person when it came to these desires. She couldn't feign disinterest as she had never felt this strongly about someone in such a perverted manner before. Harry mouth slowly curled up into a smirk.

"Can I show you how badly I wanted it?" He asked, the heat of his breath reaching her face and making her core pulsate. The only thing Y/N could do was nod, and before she knew it, Harry's lips closed in on hers.

A soft whine escaped her throat as he kissed her, the desperation of her body unshielded under his roughly delicate touch. Nothing seemed to make sense as he slowly slipped his tongue into her mouth and pushed her back on the couch, nothing but him.

Harry leaned forward, not taking his mouth off Y/N as she sat against the armrest. He hovered over her, his body between her spread legs. One of his hands was holding onto her waist, while the other one kept him up by holding onto the armrest.

As their tongues danced around each other, Harry's hand slipped down from her waist towards her inner thighs, and Y/N felt her panties getting wet at the suggestive caresses of her skin. She put her hands on Harry's shoulders and pushed him back a little bit, their lips now apart. Still caught up in the heat of the moment, Harry mindlessly trailed his kisses down her jaw and then onto her neck.

"Harry." Y/N tried to get his attention, but his name sounded more like an erotic plea, and caused a growl to sound from his lips, followed by a rougher treatment on her neck. Her eyes nearly rolled into the back of her head as his lips sucked at that sensitive skin of her, and a small whine fell from her as he bruised her neck.

"Ha— hmm... Harry!" She exclaimed. "S— stop."

Within a millisecond, or at least it felt like that, Harry's hands and mouth were removed from her. His face was filled with worry as he took in hers.

"Are you okay? Did I go too far?" He began asking, but she was quick to shake her head.

"No! It's just— I haven't really, done much of this before. I don't have a lot of experience and uhm, I just wanted you to know that before we... proceeded." Y/N explained, voice near trembling as she spoke. Harry's eyes softened, and his face pulled into a soft smile.

"Thank you for telling me." He said, leaning forward and giving her a kiss before pulling back, sitting up straight. "I just have one question, though."

Y/N nodded, big doe eyes staring right at him as that innocent smile transformed into a smug grin.

"Can I show you what I actually wanted to do last Saturday?" He asked, stroking her already spread legs. Before she knew it, the answer fell from Y/N's lips.

"Yes."

He let out a satisfied hum before his hands grabbed at her shorts and pulled them down along with her underwear, leaving her bare cunt to be exposed to him. Y/N blushed, feeling slightly embarrassed at how exposed she was, but the fascination that twinkled in Harry's eyes washed most of her insecurities away. She watched carefully as he leaned down and his fingers began stroking her folds.

Y/N held her breath in anticipation, curiously waiting for Harry to continue, and when he finally put his hands on her clit, she couldn't help but shift in her seat a bit at the tingling sensation.

"O— oh!" She shrieked when she felt Harry's tongue attached itself to her clit, his middle finger now paying more attention to slowly beginning to slide in and out of her. Y/N tried to control her breathing to the best of her abilities as Harry explored her sopping and pulsating core.

Y/N's mind had gone all fuzzy from the sweet feeling of his touch on her sensitive parts. It was impossible to focus on anything else than Harry, and even if it was, she wouldn't dare take her eyes off of him anyway. It was addictive, the way he was ravishing her like she was a culinary meal, and it felt glorying.

Harry temporarily removed his mouth from her heat, and looked up at Y/N before saying: "C'mon, angel. Tell me how it feels."

Her heart skipped a beat at the nickname she'd grown to love ever since the first time he said it, and she tried to control her whines as she responded.

"So— ah! So good..." She managed to reply, her knuckles turning white from balling up her fists in an attempt to not come too early. Harry's tongue swept over her clit in such an intoxicating way, and his now two fingers pumping in and out of her was only getting her closer to her inevitable climax.

Harry moaned at her verbal approval, and picked up the pace of both his mouth and his fingers, leaving her nothing but a whimpering mess under him. This was surely going to be the death of her, wasn’t it?

"Harry— I think I'm going to..." She ran out of breath before she could finish your sentence, and she began convulsing around him, legs trembling as her orgasm began to reach her like a wave building up. And then just like that, it crashed.

With a cry of his name and a few profanities that followed, the sensual waves of her release hit Y/N. The release was slow and long, and one of the most satisfying ones she'd ever had. Harry's touch stayed on her skin, helping her ride out her high.

When he finally backed away, Y/N was still breathing heavily from what she had just experienced. Wide eyed, she observed how he licked his lips before he looked up at her. She could've come again from the sight of that alone.

"D'you want some water?" Harry suddenly asked, getting up from the couch and walking over to your kitchen. She followed him with her eyes, mouth agape as he went through her kitchen cabinets until he stumbled upon two glasses and filled them with water. As he returned to the couch, he raised a brow, indicating that he was still waiting on an answer.

"Uhm, yes, thank you." Y/N stumbled as he handed her the glass. She took a few sips, scanning him while she drank. He was so casual all of a sudden, leaning back against the couch with his legs spread like that... there was something cocky about it and Y/N wasn't sure if she wanted to roll her eyes at it or jump his bones.

Possibly both, at the same time.

Y/N put her glass down and slowly crawled over to Harry, who sniffed a laugh at her wobbly movements on the way too squishy couch. She hoped it would at least come off as cute, now that her attempt at being sexy had been trampled by her own furniture.

As the laughter from both parties died down, Y/N took it upon herself to slowly start kissing Harry's neck. Her heartbeat rose when she felt him shifting in his seat, a pained sigh escaping his throat. Meticulously, she dragged her hand down his chest until it reached his pants, and she began unbuckling his belt.

She was surprised when she felt his hand pull hers away, and stopped her actions to see what was going on. When she saw his clenched jaw, she frowned.

"Are you okay?"

"You don't have to do that angel." He said, tilting his head a bit. She slowly shook her head.

"Oh, alright." She said, and felt a pang in her chest at the idea that she could've done something wrong. Harry took both of her hands, cupping his over them.

"I’d like to save it for next time." He suggested, the slight raise of his brow adding a certain playfulness to his reply. The hint of a smile on his face filled her with a warm feeling, and she quickly found herself nodding at what Harry had said.

“Plus, I have to get my beauty rest… I’ve got a long day tomorrow. I teach this private self-defense class, client’s got me working till late.” He joked, eyes beaming when a giggle fell from her lips. Y/N took her bottom lip between her teeth, stomach fluttering as she took in the painfully beautiful, funny, charismatic man in front—or well, under her.

“Really? Is she any good?” She teased back, brows raising in surprise when Harry nodded.

“Difficult to teach tho.” He responded.

“Why’s that?” Y/N questioned, genuine curiosity dripping from her tone. Harry took his eyes off her and shamelessly lowered his gaze to her body as his hands, that had dug into her waist, slowly began to trail down to her ass.

“‘S just so hard to concentrate…” He said lowly, and she felt her core heating up again at the sole sound of Harry’s voice. Her cheeks flushed alike at what he was implying, and she felt like an animal with the way her body reacted to him.

Y/N remained as quiet as she could, savoring Harry’s touch on her bare skin. She would have closed her eyes, had she not been too mesmerized by her face to do so.

Nerves swirled in her stomach as she watched Harry’s stare trail upwards again, only to stop at her lips. Gradually, he leaned forward, closing the gap between the two’s mouths. Y/N couldn’t help the sigh that escaped her when Harry put his lips on her again, and much like the touch of his hands on her, she relished in the way his tongue circled around hers, and she was surprised at how well their bodies captured the connection that she had been unable to explain in words.

It was safe to say that Y/N was disappointed when at last Harry pulled away, but she couldn’t be mad at him, not with that face of his.

Her eyes widened when he got up all of a sudden, hands still holding up her thighs in the few moments before she wrapped them tightly around him in response to the sudden movement. He sniffed a laugh, which Y/N was only able to hear because her arms were locked around Harry’s neck and her face was only a few centimeters away from his. The urge to smile almost prevailed over her shock.

Harry’s hands let go of Y/N’s thighs, and she lowered her legs in response, putting her feet on the ground again and removing herself from his touch completely.

As they walked towards the front door, Y/N found herself to be a bit gloomy. She didn’t want him to leave, he was so fun to be around. He made her not worry, which was a miracle because Y/N always worried. And she knew she’d go back to worrying and overthinking the second she’d be alone again, so the prospect of Harry going away was not the most fun. She had to remind herself that she’d see him tomorrow, though.

Y/N opened the door, waiting as Harry put on his coat. When he finally had, he turned to her one last time.

“Sleep tight, angel.” He said, and with that, walked right out the door. Y/N croaked out a weak ‘bye’, but she was pretty sure she’d heard the elevator ding by then.

It took her a minute to recover physically before turning off her lights in the living room and floating towards her bathroom, where she smiled like an idiot all the way through brushing her teeth.

It wasn’t until her head hit the pillow that what she dreaded came along again: that tiresome worry. Thoughts and scenarios filled her head as she lied in bed, watching the ceiling as if it would grant her answers, or peace.

It was as if, with Harry, nothing else truly mattered. Not necessarily in the corny, dramatic way, but rather in the sense that it felt like the outside world wasn’t that much of a factor in Y/N’s decisions, nor did she have the feeling that it should be whenever she was around him. But when he was gone, it would all start to matter again and suddenly she found herself doubting whether dating Harry would even be a good idea.

What would her parents think? What would Sophie think? Would she be viewed as less professional by her co-workers for dating her trainer? Would it impact Harry’s reputation—

She stopped herself. Probably not, considering Harry was a man.

It was with a frown that Y/N eventually dozed off into a deep slumber. Not even in her dreams she was safe from the anxiety that plagued her, a nightmare about being fired stirring her awake at around four in the morning. She was more exhausted when she woke up than when she went to bed.

But despite all of it, her body still buzzed in anticipation of tonight’s class…

Taglist: @meetmeatyourworst @mema10 @seafoamwhispers @namoreno @inkedskin @fangirl509east @mellamolayla @lizsogolden @prettydelilah @kierramcduffie @harry2121 @babegoals @hermionelove @bitchidontpost @lomlolivia

[nothingbutspacedebris]

"They didn't used to be like this."

Misha kicks his legs, swinging them over the edge of the rooftop. Sofia, next to him, swings more jarringly, even if just to keep the two of them in time.

They're talking about Helios again. It seems they're all the two of them talk about these days.

"But they are now. Don't you think you deserve to have something more?"

"What, like you?" Misha winces as the words leave his mouth. "I didn't mean-"

"I know."

Their relationship is nothing like it used to be when they were kids, and that's probably for the best. But the line they walk now is uneasy friendship, with all the pitfalls that come from being bitter exes, then enemies, then allies, before rekindling into anything remotely friendly. They swing wildly between quiet, comfortable companionship shared on nights like tonight, and sharp comments that shine a light on the work they still need to do.

"I don't 'have' Helios, Sofia," Misha says, making air quotes around "have" in a way that suggests he's trying, very hard, to appear derisive and detached.

"They're in your life, though." Sofia turns to look at Misha, tucks one knee up under her chin. "And that's great. It's what you wanted. But I can't help but think..."

"Oh, not thinking's pretty easy."

He's aiming for lightness, for brevity, but even Misha knows the joke's fallen flat.

"I can't help but think," Sofia pushes on, "that this isn't what you wanted. Not really."

Misha says nothing.

"You said it yourself. They didn't used to be like this. You deserve better."

"You think this isn't better? You think better is when I knew, in my heart, every time they looked at me, that they resented me? You think better was living in secret because the one person I love is the one person who can never know? My relationship with Helios now is exactly what I deserve. It's what they deserve. It's not perfect, and it's going to take time, but it's not a lie. It's not seething resentment. It's..."

He trails off. Sofia doesn't reply. Standard, these days. Misha sighs.

"I'm sorry. This was supposed to be a chill night. I shouldn't have brought it up. I just... They're different. And I don't know how to... to... to be around them now."

"I don't think any of us know how to be around each other right now," Sofia says quietly. Misha knows she means it generally - that they're learning how to be friends, how to exist in the same space, but it still brings the sharp sting of rejection when she stands.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Mishka."

Writing Prompt #2867

"He didn't used to be like this."

"But he is now. Don't you think you deserve something more?"

[masonmontz]

hellooo everyone :) hope you like it

REMEMBER: english is not my first language

angst word count: 2,6k

✦‎۟    ࣭   ⊹

Mason doesn't know when things started going wrong, but it's been a while.

Since that night.

The night a piece of Mason died, because before everything was beautiful and happy, and now he feels like everything is blue. Mason is not a melancholic person, but he doesn't know how to get out of it when no one is understanding what is happening to him.

“Hi, can you come to Manchester alone?” Mason asked his mother on the phone, and it was the first time in over a year that Mason had asked Debbie to come to him. Only her, because Mason needs a comfort that only Debbie can give him, the comfort that only a mother can give a child.

“I'm taking a train tomorrow” she replied and he nodded before hanging up, but not before answering several questions, and honestly Mason didn't want to answer any of them because he was too sad. 

Mason hung up the phone and went to the kitchen looking for something to eat, but he's a disaster at cooking and had no head to think, so he just picked up his phone and ordered Japanese food.

He wasn't really hungry, but if he didn't eat, he knew he would have terrible training tomorrow. Some days Mason just ate out of obligation, smiled out of obligation, talked because others talked to him, and he does everything like a robot.

Mason stood at the kitchen window and watched the rain falling outside. Winter was coming and Mason was going crazy, everything was strange, he finally returned to training after a few weeks injured, but not even that could make him happy.

Mason hasn't been able to feel happy for over a month. 

And he doesn't know when he'll be able to get over it.

✦‎۟    ࣭   ⊹

“So, do you want to talk about it?” Debbie asked him the next day after he got back from training. She was sitting on the couch and Mason sat on the floor when he arrived, just to play with Ace for a bit. Debbie knew there was something very wrong with her son, Mason was silent, sad.

“Hum, yeah, of course, I just don’t know how” Mason sighed in frustration, for a month he has been mulling over the same thing in his head, surviving day after day, but he feels like he is about to explode. “It's hurting me, mum.”

Debbie felt sorry for him because he looked miserable. Mason sighed and lay on the floor, looking up at the ceiling above him.

“Let's start at the beginning, okay? Was it something between you and Y/n?”

Mason's heart sank when she spoke your name to him, because Mason had refused to talk about it for a month, and now he felt all the feelings rushing into his chest at once like bullets.

Debbie knew about you, you and Mason had only been together for a few months, but he seemed more in love than ever. 

“I was going to be a father” Mason whispered and the memory of that terrible night came rushing back to his head, a terrible place in his mind that he couldn't get out of on his own. “She lost our baby.”

“What?” Debbie couldn't hide her surprise and shock, because she didn't expect this. 

“It was my fault.”

Mason has been reliving that night in his head all the time, ever since he heard the doctor say the baby didn't survive. Mason remembers the feeling that was like several knives hitting him, he had never felt anything like it. Mason remembers the scene of you crying in the hospital bed, he can even hear the sobs when he closes his eyes, and that sound has terrified him every night.

“Why is it your fault, Mason?” Debbie asked, getting off the couch and sitting on the floor. Mason laid his head on Debbie's legs, feeling his heart ache as she stroked his hair, just like a mother does with a child. 

It was a very rainy night, Mason had an interview scheduled at Old Trafford and he decided he wouldn't go by car, as Bruno was also going and Mason asked to go with him. Bruno left first and Mason asked you to pick him up, but more than twenty minutes had passed and you still hadn't arrived, and Mason started to get worried, but he couldn't leave, because you could arrive at any moment.

But the only thing that arrived was a message from your number, but it wasn't you who wrote it. Mason's heart stopped at that moment as he read the message saying that your car had slid off the road and crashed, but you were fine, you just needed to go to the hospital because of the baby. 

Mason paid the Uber driver a lot more while he begged him to go faster because he was so worried he was biting his nails.

Shit, it was his fault, Mason shouldn't have asked you to pick him up in that heavy rain. Anyone knew it could be dangerous.

Mason ran through the halls after finding out which room you were in, and he sighed in relief when he saw you lying there without a scratch, but when you turned to head towards the door, Mason saw red eyes.

He didn't want to think the worst, but it was impossible.

“Hey, you good?” he approached, shaking, Mason's hands began to sweat. He was happy that you were alive, that you were okay.

You opened your mouth to respond, but a sob escaped your throat and you began to cry desperately. Mason sat on the hospital bed and hugged you, not caring that he was wet from the rain.

“How is our baby? Is everything fine?” 

Mason felt his heart break into a thousand pieces when you pressed your face against his chest and cried, and Mason felt trapped in a nightmare when he understood what had happened. You looked up and looked at Mason, you were inconsolable, suffering, and it was then that Mason realized that it was his fault.

“I lost- I lost our baby” he couldn't say anything, but you were squeezing Mason so tightly that he couldn't get away and get away from you. “I’m so sorry, Mason. I’m so sorry.”

Mason didn't know why you were apologizing. He didn't say anything, Mason didn't even let a tear fall, he couldn't cry when you were desperate in his arms.

“It wasn't your fault, Mason” Debbie said to Mason when he told her what had happened, and she wiped the tear that fell down her son's face. “Don’t say that ever again.”

“I shouldn't have asked her to pick me up, I should have taken an Uber or taxi and left her at home, safe.”

You would still be pregnant if it weren't for the car crash that caused you to lose the baby, and you wouldn't be sad right now, nor would Mason. And you wouldn't be separated either. You were going to have a beautiful baby, Mason thought it was a girl, and then he was going to have two of you.

Everything was ruined now, and it was all his fault.

Mason also can't forget your crying when he left you two days later like a coward, the guilt was consuming him and he accepted that you would be much better without him. He was a coward, Mason couldn't accept that he made you suffer like that, and that's why he decided to leave, so as not to cause any more damage to your life.

Mason didn't know what was worse, remembering you crying when you told him you had a miscarriage or when you were crying and begging him not to leave you. 

“Why did you leave her, Mason?” 

“Because I don't want to cause her any more suffering.”

“Mason, I'm your mother, and I'm not going to hide what I think about this. You're suffering, you think it's your fault but it's not, and I'm sure Y/n thinks the same.” Mason closed his eyes, it still hurt to think about it, and maybe it would never stop hurting. “I can't imagine your pain, losing a child is probably the greatest pain anyone can go through, even if the child hasn't been born yet.”

“But a mother's pain is probably greater, what if Y/n thinks it's her fault? Have you thought about that? I don't want to put any weight on your shoulders, but you left her at the worst moment of her life. She might be suffering much more without you than with you.”

“She's probably better off without me.”

“I'm only going to tell you this once. You know she loves you, that woman would do anything for you and I know you would do anything for her, don't ruin what was the best thing that ever happened to you because you're stubborn. I'm so sorry you lost a child, Mason, I'm truly sorry, it's a dream to be a grandmother again, but I'm not going to let you cry here alone when you could be by her side and you can get through this together.”

Mason cried. For the first time in a month he cried. Mason let out all the pain of losing his baby, crying eased the pain he had in his chest, but not the guilt.

Debbie let him cry and cried with him, because Mason was still her son and she didn't want to see any of her children suffer. She would let them all cry on her lap whenever they needed to.

“I don't want to make her sadder.” he confessed quietly and felt his mother's fingers in his hair. 

“You need to be with her, Mason, no one wants to go through this alone.”

“I think it was a girl.”

Mason could imagine a little girl running around the house, with hair the same color as him, but with your smile. She would definitely have your personality.

“I wish you had told me sooner that I was going to be a grandmother. I'm so sorry about that, Mason. I never wanted you to have to go through the pain of losing a child.”

“I feel like my heart has been crushed for a month.”

“Please go talk to her, she deserves an explanation and you don't deserve to go through this apart.”

✦‎۟    ࣭   ⊹

You sighed when you felt a drop of rain fall on your face, walking faster to the entrance of the building where you live with some groceries in your hands. It still wasn't fast enough, because the rain got heavier and you got soaked as you tried to reach the building.

“Oh, Lord” you muttered to yourself when you reached the gate, and didn't even look ahead as you made sure no bags were ripped. 

You stopped when you saw Mason standing at the entrance of the building outside, staring at you. He was standing leaning against the wall, and you felt your heart race because you hadn't seen him in over a month. 

He had his hair shaved, and you knew it was because he took a hit to the head that caused him to get stitches. God, you loved him so much you could cry, and he was so beautiful and you hated him for leaving you.

Not even the rain bothered you at that moment, because you couldn't look at anything else but Mason. Mason pushed himself off the wall and walked towards you, but he called you to get out of the rain that had now left all your hair and clothes wet. 

“Hey” you said, handing the bags to Mason when he asked. “Do you want to come in?”

Of course, you couldn't help but notice the deep circles under his eyes, and Mason looked thinner than usual. You knew you looked just as bad as he did.

“If you don't mind, I want to.” 

Mason walked you to your apartment in silence, and you didn't know what to say. It was a surprise to see him there, it had been a terrible month and you still hadn't recovered. 

Mason put all the bags in the kitchen while you went to the bathroom to get a towel to dry yourself. Mason followed you when you went to your bedroom, and his desolate look on you warmed your heart, because you thought you were the only one who suffered with what happened, but Mason was there in front of you suffering.

“I'm going to take a shower” you mumbled and took off your clothes, knowing Mason was watching you. “Come with me?”

You didn't wait for Mason and went to the bathroom, turning on the hot water in the shower to take a long shower after the cold rain. You stepped into the shower and watched as Mason silently took off his clothes, and soon after he was in the shower with you.

“Why did you leave me?” you whispered looking at Mason. Mason opened his mouth to respond but he couldn't, he started crying and put his hands on his face. “Mason, it’s fine.”

“I’m so sorry, Y/n. I’m so sorry, please forgive me. It was my fault and-”

“What?” you asked, because you had no idea that Mason was blaming himself for what happened. “It wasn't your fault, what are you talking about?”

Mason knelt on the bathroom floor and wrapped his arms around your waist, crying into you as the hot water ran over you.

“I should have never asked you to come pick me, it's my fault, you lost our baby because of me.” God, you didn’t think you could feel this much pain. Mason had been blaming himself for a whole month, and you would never have let him go if you knew. You knelt in front of him and held his face in your hands.

“Listen to me, this wasn't your fault, it was an accident and accidents happen.” He shook his head and you rested his forehead against yours, hugging his neck. “Why did you leave me?”

“I didn't want you to hate me, I didn't want to make you suffer more.”

“I suffered more without you by my side.”

“Forgive me, please.”

“There's nothing to forgive, Mason. You lost a son too, I know this is hard for you too.”

“I shouldn't have let you go through this alone.”

“Never leave me again, please.”

“Never again, never again. I promise. I’m so sorry.” 

“I wish I was still pregnant.” you confessed, because it's true. You've lived very happy weeks since you found out about the pregnancy.

“I know, me too.” Mason left a kiss on your forehead and you held him closer to you. It was an intimate moment, two hearts hurting but finding healing together. “I love you, I’m so sorry.” 

“I love you, I’m sorry too.” you kissed Mason. “We'll get through this together, okay?”

“I'm sorry I was away from you for a month, you've been through hell alone.”

“Don't worry, you're with me now.”

You took a shower together, nothing more than small kisses, because you just wanted to spend time together. It was an important moment, Mason felt like he was forgiven even though he had nothing to be forgiven for, and you knew that now you could fully heal, Mason was once again with you.

Sometimes the bad times just show you that you're better together than you are apart, and Mason finally understood what his mum said, about healing together, and getting through everything together, both the good times and the bad times.

[xoxoavenger]

I Knew You'd Come Back to Me

pairing: JJ Maybank x Fem!Reader

summary: And I knew you'd come back to me/You'd come back to me/And you'd come back to me/And you'd come back/And when I felt like I was an old cardigan/Under someone's bed/You put me on and said I was your favorite

word count: 562

warnings: I just realized there's a new season of obx and I haven't seen it at all at all so (not that this was ever cannon accurate but)

cardigan masterlist main masterlist

"Y/N?" Pope asks, sitting up. His heart is racing, knowing JJ is out there. Y/N doesn't look at him, acts like he isn't there, just stares at the door for a couple seconds before opening it back up and launching herself out.

"Oh!" JJ grunts, catching her as he stumbles backward. He lands softly on his back, arms wrapped around her. "I'm sorry," He says into her hair, holding her close.

"I knew you'd come back." She whispers, tears streaming down her face. She buries her face into his neck, and he holds her even closer. They're on the ground still, neither of them making any move to get up.

"I heard you say you wanted to get married." JJ confesses, causing her to finally move back and look him in the eye. "When we were babysitting the Kamps. I heard you before you fell asleep."

"Okay," She says softly, tears still falling. She thinks she knows where this is going, and it makes her want to throw up. She gets up, both of them now sitting on the porch.

"That's why I left." He confesses, and she looks away.

"You could have talked to me." She tells him, moving to stand. He does as well, grabbing her hands.

"I should have, I know." He squeezes one hand and lets it go, and then moves to push her hair out of her face. "It's just, you've seen my home life. I don't have a good example of what marriage is supposed to be. I never have. So when you said that, I didn't know what to do." He looks away as tears start to fall down his own face, and he wipes them quickly.

"If you would have talked to me about it," She says, and he just shakes his head.

"I didn't hook up with that bitch." JJ says, which makes her laugh a little bit.

"I know," Y/N, looks at the ground, letting the tears fall from her face. "I still punched her for it, got arrested." She whispered, and then JJ laughed. They both were quiet for a minute, looking at each other with watery eyes.

"I won't leave again." He tells her, and she can't help but frown. "I won't promise that I'll propose tomorrow, but I won't run off like that." She just nods, because that's really all she needed.

"I love you." She whispers, and he cups her face with one hand, their other hands still holding each other.

"I love you too." He whispers against her lips, and then they're pressing them together.

Their friends had waited until then to run out the door, knocking JJ and Y/N down again. Everyone was talking at the same time over each other in a dogpile, and Y/N was in the middle, laughing for the first time in months.

"When you have kids, can I be the godparent?" Sarah asked over everyone, which sent everyone in a frenzy once more.

"Over my dead body!" Kiara screams, and Y/N laughs again.

"We should have some sort of competition for it!" John B suggests, and JJ just rolls his eyes.

"We are not having kids for a long time, so y'all can come down about it." He tells them as he helps Y/N up. "Now, if you'll excuse us," He winks at Y/N, and Sarah screams.

"No! I didn't miss this!" 

//

tags: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187  @one-sweet-gubler @theoraekenslover

[stoopidpigeonxx]

⋆˚｡⋆୨✧୧˚ 𝑶 𝑪𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒂𝒊𝒏, 𝑴𝒚 𝑪𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒂𝒊𝒏. ˚୨✧୧⋆｡˚⋆

CAPTAIN CURLY SMUT HEADCANNONS !! NSFW under the cut. MDNI.

(These are all completely random, not tied to any prompt. I just want more stuff about this guy cuz I love him) Fandom/characters: Mouthwashing, Captain Curly, other characters briefly mentioned.

Content warning: Smut (obviously), p in v, curlys packing, title kink, thigh-riding, face-sitting, size difference, manhandling, reader is AFAB, creampie, multiple rounds, riding, cursing, J*mmy.

-He's a grower, not a shower.

I firmly believe Curly is a distinguished gentleman, unlike J*mmy who would most likely brag about how big he is and end up only being like, 5 or 6 inches. Curly, however, will not mention his size until you see it for yourself. And when he sees your face, he panics. "Oh-shit, uh- i-is it gonna be too big for you? It's okay if it is, I should've warned you.."

He's four inches soft, uncut. I think he keeps himself decently groomed. He's not completely bare, but it isn't a forest. He's got a little v-line that's only visible when he wears sweatpants that you go absolutely feral over. When he gets hard, whoo boy. 9 inches, throbbing. He's got a cute little vein near his tip that you like to attack when you're sucking him off because it makes his thighs shake. He's got a little bit of a mushroom tip, maybe more rounded. Perfect for hitting all those good spots inside you. In short, he's big. (he tucks it, that's why he doesn't have a bulge in his sprites. Also I'm sorry trans-Curly headcannon people ;-;)

-"Need a seat? I'll volunteer."

VEEEEEERRRYYY into face-sitting. Very. Like, the first thing he wants when you guys get freaky is for you to sit on his face. He's not exactly sure why he likes it, to be honest, he just loves the feeling of you absolutely lose yourself on his tongue. He isn't worried about suffocating or anything, since he's a lot bigger than you, so don't be afraid to ride his face! he can handle it! But seriously, use this guy as a seat. He'd give you a few licks up your slit at first to warm you up (again, gentleman) before going for your clit. And when he gets it, he sucks. Hard. He'd also probably sneak a finger or two inside you to add extra stimulation, because he really wants you to come on his face. He desperately yearns for the sound of you screaming his name as your juices cover his face and tongue, letting you ride your orgasm out before lifting you off his face and setting you down. "Alright, sweet-stuff, my turn. On your knees, please."

-Save a Polle, ride his big ass thighs.

So... we've all seen his sprite. He's thick as fuck. He's got a booty and bigger tits than me. But he also has deliciously large thighs.. so use that to your advantage, because he's totally down with it. He likes using it as foreplay to get you wet enough to take him, and he just likes the feeling. He'll probably give himself a hand while you're doing it, or he'll just watch and leave the touching to you.

He isn't much for public sex, but if you're really horny, he'll let you get high on his thigh over his uniform and gently praise you when you come. It gives him a little buzz to be doing something like that in a risky situation, like while he's in the cockpit sitting at the control panel, or even in the commons of the ship with Daisuke in a few rooms away. When you do come, which isn't that long after, he'll kiss you all over your face and head and twirl your hair in his fingers, using his other hand to rub your ass or back.

"There you go, sweetheart, that's a good girl. Good job."

-Sir yes sir.

I know, I know. He gets called 'Captain' and 'Sir' for his job. But if its coming from you when he's balls deep in you.. It's an entirely different reaction.

"D-did.. you just call me- mgh..- Captain?"

It makes him ferociously horny to hear that title slip from your lips, so pray you'll still walk tomorrow. "Ooh, fuck, yeahhh. Call me that again, baby. Call me that again.. Uh-huh. Captain takin' care of this pretty lil' pussy, huh.."

He doesn't dirty talk that explicitly, but you calling him captain gets his creative juices flowing. Oh, also his come. Yeah..

Its also perfect teasing material. You two couldn't even be getting it on, you'd just sneak up behind him and kiss him on the cheek and say "Morning, Captain!" In that tone you know drives him wild. Boom, hard. Poor guy.

-Yeehaw!

favorite position? Cowgirl. For many reasons. One, he loves looking at your face while you ride his cock. The noises, the facial expressions you make, the way your tits bounce up and down with your hips.. He wishes it was a renaissance painting to look at every morning. He also just likes being able to hold you easily. When you're on his lap, its easier for him to snake a hand up and hold your hair out of your face, or to give your ass gentle love taps (he would never spank you, unless asked to). He's a very hands-on guy and wants to touch you, everywhere he can.

Of course, he doesn't mind the occasional doggy, or missionary, or hell, even a Full Nelson, because you KNOW he's able to hold you like that. Manhandling comes naturally with Curly. Gently, of course. He would never hurt you.

-Gets a little messy.

Curly's no one pump chump. He'll go for hours. Even if he's came inside you at least five times, he'll keep going. He's got hella impressive stamina. His motivation? Seeing your cunt leaking his seed when he pulls out. He wants you to still find it in your underwear 3 days later. No hole goes unfilled. He's not exactly a breeder, per-say, though he definitely wouldn't complain about getting you pregnant, he just likes seeing you in a state. He thinks of it as artwork, leaving you so stuffed to the brim. The next day, he'd pull you aside and give you a quick finger-orgasm, just to see if his come's still in there. When it leaks onto his fingers along with your own, he's a very happy man. "Ahh, look at that. Still got it in ya. Should fill you up even more later, hm?"

oof. my hands hurt. ;-;

[always-just-down-the-street]

You know what I was going to just pass this post by, but if I can try to spread at least a little bit of positivity today, then I'm actually gonna take the firm stance and say "This is the worst kind of thing you could be thinking right now".

Yes, the results of the election as they are now are awful. What's to come if this is indeed the case (it feels like Trump more or less jumped the gun the moment he won- remember "STOP THE COUNT!"? That was probably for scenarios exactly like this. I've heard elections take multiple days to guarantee a winner, there is no way in hell we've had these mind-blowing turnout rates and then counted them all in a day) is awful. But you know what isn't awful?

New York just protected abortion and LGBTQ+ rights.

People in California are teeing up to do the same.

Democrats are winning house seats left and right- we are living in the age of the first sitting trans congressperson, Sarah McBride!

In the face of what could be unmitigated disaster, people are still fighting. There are bad people, there are awful people, but there have always been awful people. I remember seeing a Tweet about this Hebrew phrase "tikkun olam"- "world repair". It dates back to the Mishnah, at least if the Wikipedia article about it is correct. 6th-7th century BCE. Shit's literally older than Jesus.

I understand being angry, being scared, being sad. For what this all may mean for the world, your friends, your family. But you wanna know what I heard a lot of? "Stay strong". "Don't give up hope". "Keep fighting".

"The world will still be here tomorrow, so must your resolve."

A belief that things are never going to get better will never fight to prove itself wrong. Take all the time you need to be angry, and then channel that anger into that fight.

✌️

So mankind is not, in fact, good deep down, and any potential for good they have is not worth it. Good to know.

[ahyperactivehero]

If you're still feeling DBD drabbles I'd love some post-canon Edwin and Crystal bonding (making fun of celebrities together? studying magic? comparing rich neglectful parents?)

I love a good Edwin and Crystal bonding moment! I hope that if we ever get season 2 we get to see more of them bickering and bonding. Because these two remind me of me and my sibling so strongly it almost hurts <3

(reminder that i am taking election night drabbles, although i can't promise they'll be posted tonight. i'm working on as many as i can, but it is getting late! i'll likely finish most of them tomorrow unfortunately)

Drabble 2 

Crystal and Edwin were at war. Or at least, that’s what Crystal would have labeled themselves as. According to Charles this was simply, ‘Edwin when he likes you,’ which Crystal wanted to be judgemental about, but she had her memories back and she could remember what a menace she’d been to people she liked.

“It is not hard, Crystal,” Edwin stressed, leaning heavily on to the desk in front of him. At some point in time he had abandoned his coat and jacket and rolled his sleeves up in what had to be the most laid back outfit Crystal had ever seen him in.

Yet there was nothing relaxed about Edwin. She’d never known him to be a particularly relaxed person, but there was a strange undercurrent of stress that was running through him that she was pretty sure wasn’t always there.

She sighed again for what must have been the millionth time and dropped her phone onto the couch next to her. It’s not like anyone she actually liked contacted her that way. In fact, she’d been arguing with her mom the last time someone had actually reached out to her, which had only resulted in Crystal storming out of the house and crashing in the agency’s office for a few days.

Which brought them to where they were now. Edwin tapped the book in front of him, looking for all the world like a young teaching assistant annoyed with his students. “If you would simply try, I know you cou-”

Violently, she shoved herself up off of the couch. Her feet banged against the floor, almost loud enough to rattle the windows, and for once she was glad Charles wasn’t here. She didn’t want him to see her like this.

“I have tried, Edwin! I’ve tried, okay! Have you ever tried shutting up?!” she asked before throwing herself back down onto the couch, her back turned towards the world as if that might somehow block out the ghost.

One of Crystal’s favorite and least favorite things about Edwin was that he never seemed to be dissuaded by her poor attitude. Sometimes, it even seemed to encourage him. “If you had actually tried, you would have cast the spell,” Edwin said. There was no heat to his voice, not even an ounce of actual anger to him– even though Crystal was sure he was pissed.

She squeezed her eyes shut. Maybe if she did that she’d be able to block out Edwin’s voice and the tears at the same time. “I did try,” she said, all of the fire in her voice having faded until it sounded broken and sad.

The sound of soft footsteps filled the room. Edwin’s familiar sounding boots shuffled against the floor until he reached the couch and seemed to hover there for a moment. 

“Ah,” he said. “I see.”

And Crystal wasn’t sure what he meant until she rolled over and saw him looking at her phone. 

“You are fighting with your parents,” he said.

“So what?” she asked and snatched her phone out of his hands.

“So, magic, especially one as instinctual and ingrained as yours, is highly influenced by your emotions.” Crystal glared up at him from the corner of her eye, which forced him to hold his hands up in defense. “Not because you are a woman, or whatever else it is you might be thinking I meant. Just because magic works that way.”

They needed a new couch. She poked at a hole that had long since been worn into the cushion and pulled out a bit of stuffing before sticking it back inside. “So I’m just going to keep fucking it up?” she asked.

Edwin sat down on the floor with his back to the couch. It was almost easier to talk this way, the two of them back to back. At least then she didn’t have to see his judgmental face, and he wouldn’t have to see her cry.

Not that she was crying, of course.

“No,” Edwin said quietly. “You will not keep ‘fucking it up.’ Although it will likely take time for you to get used to doing magic with such intentions, not just relying on your instincts to guide you.”

She pulled another thing of stuffing out before shoving it back in. “What’s so wrong with instincts?” Her ancestors had done fantastically for her so far.

Edwin shuffled, but she couldn’t figure out what he had done. “Nothing. Instincts are, as Charles would say, brills. They help keep you alive and safe and have been developed for exactly that reason.”  He shifted again, and this time Crystal could feel him fully leaning back against the couch, and the goosebumps that a ghost in too close proximity caused raised along her skin. 

“But what happens if you can’t trust your instincts? What if something has changed or been manipulated and you can’t trust them?” he asked.

And Crystal knew they were talking about something heavy, something that Edwin would definitely rather not talk about with her. But here he was, talking about it with her just the same.

“You mean Hell?” she asked. She rolled over just enough to get a peek at the top of Edwin’s head. Even though she could see very little of him, she could tell that he was nervous and that made her nervous.

“Not strictly speaking of Hell. There are plenty of supernatural beings with the ability to manipulate you or your senses for their own gains.” He looked over his shoulder, his eyes barely catching hers. “But yes, I was referring to demons like David.”

Her nails had already been bitten down to the quick, but she chewed on them anyways. Buzzes shook the couch as more texts from her mom chimed in, likely just another rant about what an awful child she was and how she was making everything so difficult for them.

“They’re just saying those things because they feel like they are failing as parents,” Edwin said. He’d turned back away, his eyes staring into the closet as if it offered something particularly interesting inside. “And while that might be true, that does not mean that you are a failure.”

She snorted. “Oh yeah,” she said. “What do you know about it?”

Edwin’s sharp green eyes turned towards her before quickly cutting away. “You are hardly the only one to grow up with rich, neglectful parents,” Edwin said. “Why do you think I was sent away to school in the first place?”

Any and all fight she had had in her died. Fighting with Edwin was supposed to be fun and sharp and quick– it didn’t seem fair to fight him when he was being so honest.

A forced smile spread across her face as she reached out and bumped him with her hand. “Shoulda known you had rich parents,” she said. “Look at how you talk.”

Edwin furrowed his brow. “Everyone at school spoke the way I do.”

“Exactly.”

They sat in silence for a while before Crystal sighed and held out her hand. “Gimme the book,” she said. Which Edwin gracefully did.

The original language was too hard for Crystal to read, but Edwin had written it down in English and then wrote it out phonetically below that. It wasn’t very long, nor was it anything special, just a minor illusion spell. It wouldn’t be enough to trick anyone, or save her from a demon, but it was definitely a start. 

“Charles will be happy you’re trying again,” Edwin said as she ran her hands over the pages. 

“Oh yeah?” she asked. Was that a B or a D? Edwin’s handwriting was so nice it was almost hard to read.

“He takes his job very seriously as the brawn,” Edwin said, as if she needed to be told that. “But it makes him happy to know that you or I could defend ourselves with spells if we had to.”

Once again she snorted. “But you never do,” she said. “And I don’t see how this little spell is supposed to help.”

Edwin nodded. “Never need to. But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be able to in return. Besides, this was one of the first spells I ever learned, and it's a great base to build on.”

And maybe that was a better way of looking at it. Not just defending herself or learning magic that some old, dead person other than Edwin had created when she could just use her own ancestral abilities. No, this was just another way to protect not only herself but the people she had come to love. 

Plus, wouldn’t it be nice to have a base spell that she could work on? If she could master this, maybe she could use some elements from it in her family's own magic.

Slowly, she read the words out as she tried to picture what she wanted to show Edwin. It wouldn’t be perfect, she was sure of that, but God if she wasn’t going to make this time work.

Purple petals and leaves filled the air as the image of the tree inside herself appeared in her palm. It was shaky, the picture almost glitchy and waving before reappearing slightly less detailed than before. It was as if someone had roughly sketched what was inside her without any special art talent.

But dammit, that was her tree, and she had cast it.

“It’s beautiful,” Edwin said. His eyes were wide, and he leaned in. Petals settled over him for a moment before passing through him on the way to the ground. She wondered if that was a ghost thing or a magic thing. 

“This is me,” she said. 

Edwin glanced at her before turning back to the tree. “Your ancestors’ tree,” he said, finally understanding. “I can only imagine how amazing it is in person.”

Pride she hadn’t expected to feel flooded her, filling her tree with even more light until it nearly blinded the two of them. Edwin folded her hands closed, shutting off the spell as they blinked spots from their vision.

She smiled sheepishly and he grinned back at her, one of the first true smiles she thought she had ever seen on his face. 

“We’ll work on that,” he said.

And they would.

[sordideuphemism]

Hey. So, about that...

Nothing's changed. They will simply be more brazen, and have more open support rather than behind-closed-doors. You're about to find out who your friends are, so be ready for that. We're gonna see some shit, and things are going to be grim on both the international and national fronts. The only way out is through, folks.

Call your friends. Let them know you're thinking of them. That, if needed, your couch is free and your door is open. When you find the ones who are spouting vitriol, you have a choice: try to fix it, or just sever the connection. Either way is hard, either way will make your heart heavy. I'll be doing a mixture of both, with some extremely defensive calculus about who's worth the time.

If I had all the time, they'd all be worth it. But I don't.

Tomorrow, my door will still be open. My couch will still be free. There will still be a plate for you. I'm currently in the Jacksonville, FL suburbs but that might change, depending on what happens vis-a-vis Scott/DeSantis.

In the meantime, and I mean this seriously, please reach out if you need a shoulder, or plate, or bus fare. I don't know how much I'll have of any of the above, but until it's gone, it's given freely.

We're all we've got, kids. To paraphrase a much smarter man:

Welcome to America. It's hot in the summer and warm in the winter. It's scared and loud and crowded. On the outside, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of: "God damn it, you've *got* to be kind."

[schraubd]

Resilient Fascism

I still haven't decided if I'm going to do my traditional liveblog of the election. It may just be too stressful. Plus, I have to teach an early-morning class tomorrow, and it would be bad if I stayed up all night tracking election returns (lol, like I have a choice). While we're waiting for results to come in, I want to briefly comment on news abroad -- namely, that Israeli Prime Minister Bibi Netanyahu has fired his Defense Minister, Yoav Gallant. It is yet another incident of capricious chaos meant to appease Netanyahu's furthest-right base, and is being greeted with yet another round of mass protests throughout Israel. And I can't help but think it is a premonition of what America will be like if Trump wins another term. When I look at what's happening over there, what stands out to me is the resilience of the Israeli government -- and not in a good way. What's been striking about the current Israeli government is not just the blundering into crisis after crisis that has typified its time in office, but how it has managed to survive and endure them while barely budging. It has survived near-constant protests, brutally sagging popularity, a seemingly endless (now two-front!) war, complete abandonment of hostages, regular evidence of widespread corruption, and increasing international isolation, and has through all of it only deepened its commitment to the furthest-right fringes of its governing coalition.  It's not that it's been able to accomplish all its heart's desires (the judicial coup continues to tread water), but it has hunkered itself down and proven nearly impossible to dislodge. Why isn't widespread public rage and scandal enough to bring down the government? Simple: because the people in government know that the minute they dismount the tiger they've been riding, they'll get devoured. So they bound about from desperate move to desperate move, breaking this rule, smashing that norm, all in complete defiance of the popular will, hoping to find a magic bullet that will forestall the inevitable day of reckoning. Chaos, dysfunction, unpopularity, public rage -- even in extreme doses none of it has proven enough to dislodge the authoritarian nightmare once it took root. This isn't an Israel-only story -- I saw someone else making a similar observation about India -- but it is a grim harbinger of what will happen if Trump re-enters office. It was hard enough getting him out of office the first time. The second time around, he'll be even worse. It is beyond obvious he will take extreme, authoritarian measures to protect himself and to hurt his enemies, ones that will prove ruinously unpopular and will prompt widespread public protest. And it won't matter -- even leaving aside the myriad ways our "democratic" institutions do not reflect the democratic will, every incentive of Trump's ruling coalition will be to not respond to popular outrage, to not give an inch, to double-down at every moment. And the evidence from Israel suggests that this is a workable strategy -- when the fascists take power, their power is alarmingly resilient to public fury and terrifyingly immune to public outrage. The first results should start appearing momentarily. I've spent all day on a "doom and bloom" cycle, but at this point we can only watch. I'm praying that America makes the right call, that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth. via The Debate Link https://ift.tt/tx4jSyf

[middlingmay]

“come on just . . . talk to me.” for clegan could be so good!

This has been sitting in my inbox for moonths. I'm sorry it's taken me so long, but I hope you like it anon :)

Continues from my wee ficlet where Gale suspects there's something happening between John and one of his buddies, and he's both wrong and correct about it.

"Come on just…talk to me!"

John trailed after Gale in a hurried two-step. Although John had the advantage in height, that felt all for nothing now as Gale's stride swallowed up ground.

John had barely managed to stutter out an explanation of what had happened with Harry before any promises Gale had made him about keeping his head had been fast forgotten and he had near upended John fishing the car keys from his pockets.

Normally such a thorough going over would have John reclining back with his hands behind his head, but this time he clawed at Gale's arms, fruitlessly trying to keep Gale with him.

Gale had kicked the door open and was gunning for the car. He got as far as the key in the lock before John bulldozed into his side and brought him down hard onto the ground.

In a far more violent echo of their fight earlier that day, before Harry lost his absolute mind, Gale and John rolled around on the hard ground in the barely-lit evening. Gale bucked and thrashed and kicked, and John was going to be sporting some cracking bruises tomorrow. He held on by the strength of his legs alone, and when Gale managed to get his legs under him and tried to stand, John clamped tighter and dragged Gale right back down. He reached for the keys clutched fiercely in Gale's hands, but Gale saw him coming. He shoved the keys down his shirt and started to use those long and dexterous fingers to poke at all of John's soft and sensitive and vulnerable bits to try and loosen his grip.

But John rode it out and finally managed to wrap Gale's arms up tight against his own chest, pinned by John's arms locked around his torso.

"Get off me, John," Gale warned, low and spitting.

"Nuh-uh. Not a chance."

Gale made a frustrated, impotent noise.

"What're you gonna do, huh?"

Gale thrashed and twisted, and managed to roll them so John was on his bag, groaning and his breath was squeezed out of him under Gale's weight.

"I'm going to sink my boot into that skinny bastard's ass, that's what I'm gonna do! Thinks he can just kiss you and get away with it? Whilst I'm breathing?!"

"You—fuck." John had to brace and hold on with all his might as Gale managed to leverage himself onto his knees. But hold on he did. Like a damn spider monkey. "You promised!"

Gale was panting, sucking down air like John did carcinogens. Whether due to wrestling with John's weight on his back, or the anger that still had him trembling underneath all the points where John touched him, he wasn't sure. But he wasn't about to make the shittiest bet of his life that Gale was through working his way up to manslaughter.

John used his extra weight to his advantage and rocked forward hard and fast, sending Gale back down to the ground under him again.

Gale hissed and foamy spittle splattered on to the ground, and John worked one hand through Gale's hair, shushing and soothing.

"What did I say, hm? Before I left what did I say? Where am I lookin'?"

Gale tried to jerk his head out of from underneath John's pressing and prodding and scraping fingers but got nowhere. "It's not about you lookin' elsewhere, Bucky," he warned. "He's got no right to put hands or…any other part of him on you like that!"

"I know. I know. And I set him straight. I told you, I set him straight. You believe me? You trust me?"

The fight started to seep out of Gale. Because he did. He trusted Bucky with his life, with his whole entire future. And wasn't that terrifying, putting all of that on one man and expecting him to bear the load? But Bucky did, without a single missed step. Even when Buck missed a whole bunch of them himself and went spiralling down the stairs.

He'd warned Bucky he was a mess at relationships. Didn't matter what kind, he'd been a mess at them his whole life. Not a one of them had lasted. Not till Bucky.

And the thought of someone else showing Bucky what it could be like with someone else? Without so much shit to carry? That wasn't going to fly with him at all.

But Bucky was a grown man. He could handle his own business. Gale had to let him handle his own business. Take responsibility for yourselves, the head doc had said. Try to ease off the co-dependency.

Well, if this was what independence looked like, Gale was not a fan.

But still. They'd promised to do right by each other and try.

"Alright." It was quiet and begrudging but he said it. "Alright. You're right, I…I don't know what I was thinkin'."

John huffed and Gale felt him knock his head against the back of Gale's. Felt the muscles of his arms and legs ease off. His hands spasmed like they wanted the snatch all John's limbs back up and keep them there. See how long they could hold on.

"You were thinking you're a jealous bastard with a mean streak no one sees coming. That's what you were thinking. Like I don't know you, Buck, Christ."

John released him finally and rolled onto his back in a wide-armed, open-legged sprawl. it was a tempting, inviting space built perfectly for Gale's wide shoulders.

John propped himself up on his elbows. It stuck his chest out and Gale watched as John still tried to catch his breath. His curls were unruly and springing their way to freedom, apart from the wisps at his hairline that got caught up in his sweat. It made his face glow with the light it caught.

"Can't say I blame you, though. If some guy came on to you, I'd—"

Gale threw himself on top of John, claiming his mouth. Maybe his blood was hot. Maybe he couldn't stand the thought of anymore someone's trying to come between him and John. Maybe the sight of John laid out and breathless because of him was too much to bear, but Gale had one hand around the back of John's neck and was tipping his head up to lave his tongue over the dexterous stretch of John's own. They still couldn't breathe. Each kiss was punctuated by gasping inhales, cut off by dip of a tongue or the nip of their teeth.

Gale hauled them upright and, wrenching the hem of his shirt out from his pants, and caught the key that came tumbling out.

"What—?"

"Car," Gale kissed the sound into John's mouth. "Now."

John dropped his hands to Gale's belt and shifted just enough so Gale could reach the lock on the car door. Gale's hands shook as the clink of his belt opening split the air and John thumbed the buttons of his pants open. His large, calloused hand, warmed by a body that always ran hot, slipped inside and covered Gale with a hard press that had him nearly biting through his lip.

John's kisses whispered up the nape of his neck. "Get in the car, Gale."

He finally popped open the door and grabbed the collar of John's shirt. Gale flipped them around and, hands under John's thighs, nearly threw him inside. He watched as John crawled backwards on the bench seat, straining at the front of his pants. One look from Gale was he crawled in after him, and John was frantically flailing trying to remove whatever layers he could to expedite Gale getting on him.

"Fuck, baby," he said with an awe he reserved for B-17s and Gale. "How could anyone else even come close? Not never."

Never. There might be others out there who could show John how to build a healthier relationship. There might be others out there who would know how to de-escalate things and solve disagreements without pushing each other around a little until they got hot from it.

But all those jag offs would have to go through Gale and his cold, dead body before they got to John.

He saw him first and he wasn't giving him up. Fuck what the head headshrinker said.

As he looked down at John, who just looked pleased as punch to be there, Gale thought. Yeah. No one else. Not never.

-

Harry worked the counter at the tailor's Fridays through Sundays.

The owner was getting on in years, and wanted to spend his weekends with his wife and their grandchildren. So, the weekends were reserved for measurements and drop offs only, which Harry could take, and he'd make appointments for them to follow up with with Mr Flaherty later in the week.

The shop was never quieter than that last half hour to closing on a Sunday. By 5.30pm, most people were at home with their families enjoying the last of their quality time together before work and school, or they were out enjoying the final vestiges of freedom provided by the weekend.

So, when the bell over the door went at 5.50pm, ten minutes before closing, Harry didn't think nothing of calling out over his shoulder without looking, "Sorry, we're closing. Come back at nine tomorrow."

He expected to hear shuffling, maybe a mumbling sorry, and certainly the ding of the bell as the door was opened and closed again, But he heard none of that.

Instead, when he spun round, he was greeted with the sight of the always impeccably dressed Major Gale Cleven sitting cross-legged in one of the waiting chairs, staring at him.

Whilst Harry thought John was easy to read—or had though until his gross miscalculation—he'd never been able to get any kind of grasp on his more enigmatic friend.

Well, not his friend, clearly. God, he'd been blind not to see it before. Several of the townsfolk had mentioned how close they were, but Harry hadn't thought anything of it, too laser-focused on the way John smiled at him and the way he smelled and how he touched so easy…

"Harry." Even his voice gave nothing away. A low rumble with barely any inflection.

Had John told him? Harry stared, trying to see through even the slightest crack in Cleven's veneer.

"Do you know why I'm here?"

He was starting to suspect. Harry glanced towards the door.

Gale followed his gaze, and slowly reach out and flicked the snib above the lock.

Fuck. John definitely told him. "Uh…"

"I think you and I need to have a talk."

[kaurwreck]

Paradoxes Nothing in the world is as soft, as weak, as water; nothing else can wear away the hard, the strong, and remain unaltered. Soft overcomes hard, weak overcomes strong. Everybody knows it, nobody uses the knowledge. So the wise say: By bearing common defilements you become a sacrificer at the altar of earth; by bearing common evils you become a lord of the world. Right words sound wrong. [Ch. 78 of Tao Te Ching, ascribed to Lao Tzu; English version by Ursual K. Le Guin]

I'm water like how raging rivers are water, so I also find solace and praxis in Ch. 63 (excerpted from the same English version as above):

Consider Beginnings Do without doing. Act without action. Savor the flavorless. Treat the small as large, the few as many. Meet injury with the power of goodness. Study the hard while it's easy. Do big things while they're small. The hardest jobs in the world start out easy, the great affairs of the world start small. So the wise soul, by never dealing with great things, gets great things done. Now, since taking things too lightly makes them worthless, and taking things too easy makes them hard, the wise soul, by treating the easy as hard, doesn't find anything hard.

I'd recommend the entire Tao Te Ching, actually, for self cultivating mettle, but if nothing else, the above is presently, as ever, salient.

If you'd like something more literally applicable, however —

Living With Change When the government's dull and confused, the people are placid. When the government's sharp and keen, the people are discontented. Alas! misery lies under happiness, and happiness sits on misery, alas! Who knows where it will end? Nothing is certain. The normal changes into the monstrous, the fortunate into the unfortunate, and our bewilderment goes on and on. And so the wise shape without cutting, square without sawing, true without forcing. They are the light that does not shine.

(In other words, according to Ursula K. Le Guin's footnote to the above Ch. 58, Taoists gain their ends without the use of means.)

I won't promise it'll be okay, regardless of what happens over the next few days, but I can promise the outcome is navigable.

[glossdebut]

PRICE OF FAME | MYG ★ PLAYLIST

hello!!! music is going to play a very important part in the price of fame series, so i wanted to post this playlist i’ve been working on since september when i originally had the idea for the story! i have been listening to this playlist nonstop while writing and i'm pretty proud of it tbh

there is a spotify link for the playlist, but i have also linked every song below on youtube if you don’t have spotify! + i’ve included the lyrics from each song that are most relevant to yoongi & MC

anyway!!! ahhhhh chapter one is being posted tomorrow! are we excited??? i know i am! if you listen to this playlist, please let me know what you think! any thoughts/feedback/THEORIES are 100% welcome (:

『 spotify link ★ series masterlist 』

01. price of fame | brent faiyaz

『 all of the things they want / and don't know why they want it (i know, look) / they don't wanna give you time to heal / they just wanna bleed you dry, for real / and if you're comfortable, don't let no one know / they'll fuck it up (i know) 』

02. perhaps vampires is a bit strong but… | arctic monkeys

『 well, i ain't got no dollar signs in my eyes / that might be a surprise but it's true / said, "i'm not like you and i don't want your advice / or your praise or to move in the ways you do and i never will" / 'cause all you people are vampires / and all your stories are stale / and though you pretend to stand by us / i know you're certain we'll fail 』

03. celebrity skin | hole

『 when i wake up in my makeup / have you ever felt so used up as this? / it's all so sugarless, hooker, waitress / model, actress, oh, just go nameless / honeysuckle, she's full of poison / she obliterated everything she kissed / now she's fading somewhere in hollywood / i'm glad i came here with your pound of flesh 』

04. evil twin | arctic monkeys

『 it's more a hunger than a thirst / she'll break your heart the second time / before you know about the first / looks well equipped to leave you in the lurch / but you'd let her do her worst / and it's not hard to tell / it's obvious the other angels' faces fell / when she told him that she had to go / swapped her wings and overcoat for something colorful 』

05. ignorance | paramore

『 if i'm a bad person, you don't like me / well, i guess i'll make my own way / it's a circle, a mean cycle / i can't excite you anymore / where's your gavel? your jury? / what's my offense this time? / you're not a judge, but if you're gonna judge me / oh, sentence me to another life / don't wanna hear your sad songs, i don't wanna feel your pain / when you swear it's all my fault 'cause you know we're not the same 』

06. escapism. | raye ft. 070 shake

『 last night really was the cherry on the cake / been some dark days lately and i'm findin' it cripplin' / excuse my state, i'm as high as your hopes / that you'll make it to my bed, get me hot and sizzlin' / if i take a step back to see the glass half-full / at least it's the prada two-piece that i'm trippin' in / and i'm already actin' like a dick, know what i mean? / so you might as well stick it in 』

07. still take you home | arctic monkeys

『 well, it's ever so funny / 'cause i don't think you're special, i don't think you're cool / you're just probably alright / but under these lights you look beautiful / and i'm struggling, i can't see through your fake tan / yeah, and you know it for a fact that everybody's eating out of your hands / but what do you know? / oh, you know nothing / yeah, but i'll still take you home 』

08. the doll people | sofia isella

『 the doll people are not men / they are made of ass and glass / our skin is clay and painted blue / our head can detach / we are statues with a pulse / we are art you can fuck / the doll people are quiet / what is there to say? / art does not interpret itself / there are men with a day to save / we are paintings with legs / we are art you can fuck 』

09. supervixen | garbage

『 a hit is hard to resist, and i never miss / i can take you out with just a flick of my wrist / make a whole new religion / a fallin' star that you cannot live without / and i'll feed your obsessions / there is nothin' but this thing that you'll never doubt / this thing you'll never doubt 』

10. popular | the weeknd & madonna ft. playboi carti

『 beggin' on her knees to be popular / that's her dream, to be popular / kill anyone to be popular / sell her soul to be popular / just to be popular / everybody scream 'cause she popular / she mainstream 'cause she popular / never be free 'cause she popular 』

11. teddy picker | arctic monkeys

『 and it's the thousandth time that it's even bolder / don't be surprised when you get bent over / they told you, but you were dying for it / she saw it and she grabbed it and it wasn't what it seemed / the kids all dream of making it, whatever that means 』

12. she’s my collar | gorillaz ft. kali uchis

『 she's the serpentine, she's my collar / i send a message, never call her / and now i wanna taste another / and it's safe in a persona, she's my collar / nothing to be justified in / she the first i'm running with / she the one that get my collar / she the one i'm running with 』

13. petals | hole

『 they will make you so / so cynical / the fire burns the flesh / destroys the best that made our souls / she's the grace of this world / she's too pure / for the likes of this world / this world is a whore / tear the petals off of you / and make you tell the truth 』

14. reptilia | the strokes

『 now every time that i look at myself / i thought i told you, this world is not for you / the room is on fire and she's fixing her hair / you sound so angry, just calm down, you found me / i said please don't slow me down if i'm going too fast / you're in a strange part of our town 』

15. the summoning | sleep token

『 oh, and my love / did i mistake you for a sign from god / or are you really here to cast me off? / or maybe just to turn me on / 'cause these days / i would be lying if i told you that / i didn't wish that i could be your man / or maybe make a good girl bad 』

16. guns + ammunition | july talk

『 guns and ammunition / make bullets out of you / you speak dynamic diction / and i see right through that too / when i think about you / my whole world falls through 』

17. false alarm | the weeknd

『 bathroom stalls for the powder nose (she loves) / high heel shoes with the open toes (she loves) / she's got a good time wrapped in gold / for you, for you / all red dress with the devil eyes (she loves) / so obsessed with the camera lights (she loves) / you love her, but you can't deny / the truth, the truth 』

18. image | magdalena bay

『 what's the best you've got? / i forgot all my common sense / i need all the common sense / time to start the clock, from the top / i need confidence / confidence in medicine / but oh, my god / twenty-two more minutes / oh, so hot / meet your brand new image 』

19. when the night is over | lord huron

『 now the trail has gone cold / i don't know where else to go / and my time, i fear, is nearly over / when the ocean drinks the sky / and the city winks its eye / when the night is done, you'll vanish in the sun / will i hold you when the night is over? 』

20. self explained | cherry glazerr

『 i started reeking of the people i was with / i have no secret, i was freaking out a bit / i took a chopper 'cause i grew up with a lot of changes / i am alone a lot, i see this as my weakness / i am embarrassed of my solo, i don't know why / i don't want people to know how much time i spend alone / time i spend alone, time i spend alone, time i spend alone / when i take you on, i try / when i take you on, i try 』

21. bad guy | billie eilish

『 i'm only good at bein' bad, bad / i like when you get mad / i guess i'm pretty glad that you're alone / you said she's scared of me? / i mean, i don't see what she sees / but maybe it's 'cause i'm wearing your cologne 』

22. cinnamon girl | lana del rey

『 there's things i wanna say to you / but i'll just let you live / like if you hold me without hurting me / you'll be the first who ever did / there's things i wanna talk about / but better not to give / but if you hold me without hurting me / you'll be the first who ever did 』

23. fake happy | paramore

『 oh, please, don't ask me how i've been / don't make me play pretend, oh, no / oh, what's the use? / oh, please, i bet everybody here is fake happy too / and if i go out tonight, dress up my fears / you think i look alright with these mascara tears? / see, i'm gonna draw my lipstick wider than my mouth / and if the lights are low, they'll never see me frown 』

24. distressor | cherry glazerr

『 dip it in my makeup / take a place away from the main stage / better than a traitor / push up on the fader / i just wanna drown in my own noise / i just wanna drown in my own noise / beneath time, the only faces i can see / are the faces i pushed away from me / so i can just be 』

25. billions | caroline polachek

『 psycho, priceless / good in a crisis / working the angles / oh, billions / sexting sonnets / under the tables / tangled in cables / oh, billions / salty (ah), flavor (ah) / lies like a sailor / but he loves like a painter 』

✧ TAGLIST: @jajabro @pitchblack0309 @sugar-snap @ot72025 @ktownshizzle

@futuristicenemychaos @tea4sykes @sugainmybowl @namjoonsbuspass @wobblewobble822

[muldj0rd]

My hand was the one you reached for all throughout the great war || Princess Cake

Summary: If he was asked which year was the worst, Nico would answer 2016. Sure, he won the championship, but at what cost?

Warnings: Anal, anal fingering, comfort sex, top Jenson, bottom Nico, do I classify this as angst?

Masterlist || AO3

If he was asked which year was the worst, Nico would answer 2016. Sure, he won the championship, but at what cost?

---

Spain 2016 After a hours long debrief, being forced to be in the same room with Lewis whom he can't even look in the eye anymore, Nico just wanted to go back to the hotel and sleep until late tomorrow, catch his flight and sleep even more when he got back home in Monaco

So when he walked to the parking lot outside of the paddock, seeing Jenson stand by his car, he groaned but was slightly confused as well. Why would Jenson stay so long just to talk to him?

"Why did you stay so long? Haven't you heard of a phone?" Nico asked, trying to joke, but he was too exhausted to give a smile

"We are going out" Jenson said with a smile that seemed to never leave his pretty face

"Really not in the mood, Jense" Nico sighed, shifting on his feet

"Alright. I'll find some beers and come to your hotel room" He suggested instead, quite determined

Nico was about to speak, but Jenson cut him off "No argument" Nico chuckled softly "I also kinda need a ride. Was supposed to drive with Nando's, but I told him to go ahead"

"Sure" Nico laughed softly, shaking his head slightly, amused by Jenson's eagerness to talk to him

---

Both Nico and Jenson was sitting up against the headboard by each others side, just with Nico's head placed on the Brit's shoulder, both holding a can of Spanish beer

"I appreciate it 'n all, but why are you here and not with Lewis? You were teammates after all" Nico turned his head to look up at Jenson, his alcohol-affected mind not realising how close it made them

Jenson sighed softly, neither realising their closeness "Sure, me and Lewis were teammates and are close friends, but please, mate. I re-watched the crash, it's obviously Lewis's fault. I'm not letting you suffer alone and in silence"

Jenson fiddled with Nico's hair that had grown slightly out. He should cut it. He liked it a little longer, but after Lewis had called him a faggot, he started cutting more often. Sure, Nico was a faggot- Lewis was too, so he knew he didn't mean anything about it, but it still hurt him slightly

Maybe it was the alcohol in his blood, but Nico blushed at Jenson's words and touch. He turned his head away, putting his beer can on the nightstand, using it as an excuse to hide the blush from Jenson

"Thank you" He muttered softly, laying his head back against Jenson's shoulder, hoping he had turned his head the right way so Jenson wouldn't see his red cheeks

Jenson chuckled softly, putting his own beer on the nightstand beside him "You're not very subtle, mate"

"Shut up" Nico hid his now redder face in his hands, curling his body into himself, but also resulting in curling further into Jenson's side

"Come on, mate. Don't be embarrassed about it" Jenson chuckled, his hand subconsciously laying on Nico's thigh, his thumb making small circles

Nico's body stiffened, his breathing hitching slightly. He removed his hands from his face, turning his head to look up at Jenson with wide eyes

Don't. He's just a friend. Don't. You'll ruin your friendship. Don't- Nico's mind went blank when he leaned forward, kissing Jenson

Much to Nico's surprise, Jenson kissed back, even holding him close by the back of his head, his fingers tangling in his blond locks

The kiss quickly became messy- all tongue and spit. Nico straddled Jenson's thighs, his hands fisting in the front of the Brit's shirt

"Nico" Jenson tugged softly at Nico's hair, pulling him slightly back, making him whine "We're both affected and not thinking straight. We'll regret it in the morning" They were both panting heavily

Nico whined again "I want this- I need this- I need you"

"I know, I know. I want you too, but we shouldn't" Jenson almost whispered, one hand on Nico's waist, the other caressing his jaw

---

Monaco Jenson walked up to Nico doing the driver's parade, looking away from him and crossed his arms over his chest "Did it happen?"

Nico sighed, shifting on his feet "No" He shrugged softly

"We good?" Jenson asked, looking at Nico

"Yeah" Nico nodded softly, but his voice sounded questionable

"Good" Jenson sighed relieved

---

Nico knocked hesitantly on Jenson's hotel door, not breathing as he heard Jenson move around inside

"He's mad at me" Nico sighed as the door got opened

Jenson sighed "He's been mad at you since Spain"

"It was supposed to be his win" Nico's shoulders were slumped

"You wanna come in?" Jenson asked, stepping to the side so Nico could walk in "I promise there's no beers" Nico chuckled softly before he stepped inside

"I thought that didn't happen?" Nico smiled softly, turning to Jenson once he had closed the door

"It didn't" Jenson didn't smile, but there was a special sparkle in his eyes

Nico's smile faded "You affected?" He asked softly but hopeful

"No" Jenson shook his head slightly "You?"

Nico shook his head softly "No"

They were on each other immediately, hands all over each other. They had both gotten their shirts off when Jenson had guided them over to the bed, pushing Nico softly onto it

Nico's hands went to his belt, trying to unbuckle it, but he didn't get far when Jenson pinned both his wrists above his head in one hand, his lips mouthing at his collarbone, his other hand unbuckling Nico's belt with no problem

The German's quiet whimpers and whines turned into a breathy moan while his back arched slightly when Jenson had pulled down his zipper, palming him through his briefs, chuckling low- a sound that made all his blood go south, making him impossibly harder

"Jense" Nico whined needy, his hips moving against Jenson's hand, feeling himself leak into his briefs

Jenson gave one last lick to Nico's collarbone before he leaned up to Nico's ear "Get naked" Nico swore he could come just from the sound of Jenson's lust-filled voice

Jenson let go of Nico's wrists, standing up from the bed to walk over to his suitcase. When he came back to the bed with a bottle of lube in his hand, Nico was fully naked and laying on his back, his skin flushed a deep red

"God, you're pretty" Jenson smirked slightly, spreading and bending Nico's legs so he could be in between them, his action drawing a needy whimper out of the German

Nico whimpered as he saw and heard Jenson pour lube on his fingers, slowly warming it up, his other hand caressing the inside of Nico's thigh, making his breathing heavier

Jenson leaned down, kissing Nico softly, drowning his soft moan as Jenson's fingers circled his hole

Nico pulled back from the kiss, his eyes shut tight and his teeth in his bottom lip as Jenson slowly pushed a single finger inside

"Come on, let me hear you, love" Jenson said softly, his thumb pulling down on Nico's bottom lip, letting it slip out between his teeth

Jenson slowly moved his finger, making Nico gasp and whine softly "There you go" Jenson chuckled slightly, his finger going slightly faster

Nico moaned softly when Jenson slowly pushed in a second finger, giving him time before slowly moving again

Nico's back arched sharply, a loud moan ripping from his throat, and his nails digging into Jenson's back as he curled his fingers, hitting his prostate

"Please, please, please. Need you, Jense. Need you so bad" Nico stopped to moan as Jenson curled his fingers again- a little harder this time, also making Nico's moan louder, his thighs already starting to shake slightly, pre-cum leaking onto his stomach

Jenson slowly pulled his fingers out of Nico, earning him a whine as Nico felt empty, his thigh getting sticky when Jenson wiped his fingers on his skin

Jenson got off of the bed, getting rid of his own pants and briefs, getting back in between Nico's legs, stroking himself a few times, getting the lube properly smeared all over himself

Nico whimpered as he felt the tip of Jenson's cock press against his hole, his hands immediately flying to the Brit's waist, trying to pull him closer

"It's cute how eager you are" Jenson chuckled, which quickly turned into a soft groan as he slowly pushed himself into Nico, stopping every few inches to let him adjust, a soft moan coming from Nico's lips

Nico pulled Jenson down to kiss him "Move" He mumbled against his wet and soft lips. The lips that had been the only thing on his mind since they kissed in Spain

Jenson did a few experimental thrusts before setting a slow and steady pace. He pushed his arm under Nico's shoulder, his hand curled in his hair, his other arm around his hips, lifting them slightly off the bed, angling them just right to hit his prostate

Nico's moans weren't deafening- they would if Jenson moved faster and harder, he didn't though. The slow pace was enough for both of them. They weren't in no rush. They didn't have sex out of anger or jealousy. Nico wanted to feel Jenson close, Jenson wanted to comfort Nico

Nico's arms were swung around Jenson's shoulders, trying to pull him closer, but his arms were too weak. He tried to move his legs around Jenson's hips, determined to pull him closer, but they too were too weak to move

Nico thought to himself earlier that he could come just by the sound of Jenson's voice. He proved himself right when his body shook, coming after a series of Jenson's praises in his ear

The feeling of Nico clenching around Jenson so tightly, gave him only a few more sloppy thrusts before he came inside Nico with a soft moan of his name

They both panted heavily for a few seconds before Jenson pulled out, but still laid down softly on top of Nico, feeling his cum stick to his stomach- It didn't matter in this moment. He was close to Nico, and that all what matters. He had hopefully comforted Nico to forget the race

"We should retire at the end of the season, give us more time to spend every single day together" Nico suggested it as a joke, but Jenson's agreement wasn't

[screamin-abt-haikyuu]

Today, I'm thinking about timeskip Asahi's arms.

Like excuse me sir

[eight-freakin-gids]

"Democracy doesn't work if people do not occupy a shared reality."

I don't like telling people what to do. I'm happiest when everyone is on the same page, when everyone does what is expected of them.

That's why this election blindsided me. We beat him last time. I thought we had the momentum. I thought there was no way that the majority would vote for someone that the US court of law found guilty as a criminal. Someone who spews venom every single time he's on camera.

But I suppose I should have seen this coming. I was talking to a coworker who was watching the presidential debate and said that both candidates are equally bad/corrupt. Through gritted teeth I told him I disagreed. I couldn't call him an idiot because in the past he was willing to hear me out. Because he asked about my political beliefs and was willing to listen to me without dismissing me outright.

But Democracy doesn't work if people don't occupy a shared reality. It doesn't work because they assume all politicians are equally corrupt. It doesn't work because they assume the Republican is a Christian, or that the Republican party is always the best choice for Christians. It doesn't work because despite Trump being the most grotesquely evil human being imaginable, people still think he works as a president specifically cause he's not a politician. Because he 'tells it like is is.'

I'm dreading talking to my coworkers about the election. Talking to my parents. My grandmother and my aunt. I was hoping we were all on the same page. Just this once, vote blue, then after that, I don't care. Vote for a more normal republican next time. The US can handle that. But now, I can't look at anyone, strangers or otherwise, without wondering if they contributed to the delusion.

I want to leave off on a positive note. My goal for the next 4 years is to keep my family and friends safe.

I'm a chronic optimist, so part of me keeps expecting something to happen. But even if there is a recount or an impeachment or another attempted assassination, it's not going to happen tomorrow.

All of us, hang in there. Survive, protect each other. Endure. This too shall pass.

We will get our opportunity.

I've done a lot of thinking about the election loss over the past 24 hours, and read a bunch of think-pieces about what Democrats could've done differently, or which bits of messaging were to blame. A lot of the dialogue seems to be missing a fundamental point.

It doesn't matter what solutions you propose or enact, if the voting public cannot differentiate between facts and lies. Your policy platforms do not matter if people can't discern which things actually happened, and which didn't. You could pass a $35 minimum wage tomorrow and unless people are able to connect their pay increase to your legislative action, they will not reward you for it at the ballot box. We are caught up in a vast information war where conspiracy theories and propaganda have saturated the television screens and social media feeds of the voting public, leaving them confused, angry, and tapped out. Democracy doesn't work if people do not occupy a shared reality. Engagement-driven algorithms have distorted our collective perception of the world so drastically that people cannot determine what any given candidate has actually accomplished, or even what they stand for. For crying out loud, we've got voters who have abandoned the most basic, bedrock underpinnings of reality, like the fact that we live on a planet, or that germs cause disease. It's just absolute bugfucking chaos out there. Old-school "grassroots democracy" does not solve the problems of a post-truth society. If we cannot get a handle on disinformation, we cannot fix things. Ever.