#i'm still burned out so i don't have any energy to write for them unfortunately Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[amiharana]

good lord i miss revalink so much

[strongheartneteyam]

Realize where you belong.

Pairing: neteyam sully x female!human!reader/female!dreamwalker!reader

Chapter 7

CW: a good amount of angst, reader finally is letting neteyam in and realizing how she does truly love him too, physical contact, neteyam suffering while holding back from mating w/ reader, mentions of sex, yearning, sexual language, reader and neteyam acting like a cute couple, playful flirting, reader is more vulnerable with neteyam, a lot of fluff, reader feels guilty about the way she's been treating neteyam. Tell me if I'm missing something important!

Sorry for taking long to update, my angels 🥺🤍 unfortunately I'm going through a tough path in my personal life rn and bc of that I fell on a horrible depressive episode that I'm still on. So, my motivation to do stuff is very low at the moment and as I have to deal with my adult responsibilities that I can't run from bc nobody can, rn the best I'm able to do is focus the tiny bit of energy I have onto getting them done. I won't be able to update my fanfics as fast as I used to for some time. Can't say how long, it's not under my control currently, sorry :( But I LOVE writing, it's a great escape for me, from life problems and stuff, so, I really do not plan on stop writing fanfiction. I promise! Don't worry too much. Some of the upcoming chapters of this fanfiction, for example, are already saved on my Google Docs. I'll take longer but I won't stop updating. Anyway, I'm a tiny bit (ok maybe much more than that lol) insecure about this chapter but I hope y'all like it. Seeing your comments about the fic would make me incredibly happy. I'm needing some serotonin right now 🥲 Thanks for reading my writings ♡

Not proofread. Sorry if some parts are a bit messed up. I'll proofread it as soon as I can <3

Chapter 6

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

You gave me roses and I left them there to die

So this is me swallowin' my pride

Standin' in front of you sayin' I'm sorry for that night

(...)

It turns out freedom ain't nothin' but missin' you

Back to December (Taylor Swift)

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

You inclined yourself slowly and sheepishly in Neteyam's direction, still feeling guilty for the way you had been treating him before. Neteyam sensed your self doubt and quickly swept you off your feet, taking you inside his arms, so he could finally get the hug he had been dying for, so he could finally feel your small body against his bigger one. His big hands were now under your thighs, securing you in place against his warm body. That closeness, his touch… it all felt incredibly good. You cursed yourself for pushing him away and postponing that moment. To think you could have felt that before and you didn't… "Stupid girl" you thought.

You were now really far from the ground but you felt safe. Now you knew Neteyam would always protect you. He would not let you fall and get hurt. He was not and had never been a threat to you. There was not and there never was any reason for you to be afraid of him.

"Oeyä yawne…" (my beloved) "You feel so soft and tiny… Eywa… Nga yawne lu oer" (I love you) His voice was choked with emotion as he held back tears of joy while he hugged you as tight as he was able to - without hurting you - and you rested your head upon his shoulder. Your nose was hovering over his neck and you sniffed his skin, smelling his natural, cozy scent. It was intoxicating, drawing you in, making you wanna stay like that forever. 

You breathed in deep and relaxed inside his huge arms that held you for the first time but still strangely felt like home, like you had felt them around you a thousand times already. If you believed in past lives - which you didn't - you'd explain this odd but amazing feeling as you having found your soulmate again, in this current life. There was no fear of Neteyam inside of you anymore. You only yearned for more and more of him, only a burning affection kept your whole being warm, just like his massive body did too.

"There's still something I need to ask of you, if this is gonna work out between us." You said, breaking the hug for a while to look him in the eye

"Say it, yawne."

Neteyam was still so utterly happy that he did not even seem to be shaken by that, which he could have been

"You know why I pushed you away. First of all, finding out an alien double your size has been stalking you is freaking unnerving." You still gazed into his eyes, wanting him to pay attention to your words "Second, you acted like a creep. At least compared to the way human guys act around girls they're interested in. I don't really have any experience dating na'vi boys, you know?" You choked a little as you were trying hard to hold back laughter

"Ouch…" Neteyam playfully pretended to be extremely hurt by your previous statements. He chuckled "In my defense, I'd say my instincts are to blame, not me, exactly." You gave him a death stare, but in a playful manner too "When I saw you, I knew you would be the perfect mate for me and I had to make you mine. Everything about you rubbed me just the right way."

You smiled. He was being silly and so sweet. You just could not resist it.

"By the way, when did you see me for the first time?" 

Neteyam seemed to get shy after that question. You wondered why.

"I fell in love with you while you were in your Avatar body, yawntu. That's when I first saw you." Neteyam looked up at you again, smiling but showing no teeth

"You what?" You questioned him, a bit shocked but you could not bring yourself to be mad at him, though. Imagining him hiding behind trees and up in branches to watch you silently seemed adorable in your eyes, now. 

And yes, you knew it sounded crazy, to find someone who used to literally stalk you adorable, but nobody said that anything that was happening to you right now made any sense. Not even you would try to.

"How did I never notice you were around?" You shook your head in disapproval of your distraction back in the forest.

What if it had been a na'vi who did not trust you a single bit to even let you Dreamwalk freely, without grabbing you by the arm and taking you to the Olo'eyktan and the Tsahìk? Some na'vi hated humans to that point. And, as you always said and always would say, you had a great empathy towards them and could imagine yourself feeling the same way if you were na'vi. You could never bring yourself to judge them as harshly as way too many humans did. You knew they were not the villains of the story. But still, what if that na'vi tried to hurt you? You felt tense at the thought.

Neteyam noticed your uneasiness and tried to calm you.

"Don't worry, yawne. I'm a great warrior. A big part of being a good warrior is being really focused on one's mission and knowing how to get by as unnoticed as possible. So many other humans in their Avatars and even many, many na'vi wouldn't notice me, either."

Neteyam still wanted to call those other humans "demons in false bodies" but he was not going to. He knew it would hurt you and make you feel like he was talking about you too. But he was not. Whenever he had called you "demon", it never meant the same thing as it would mean if he was talking about any other human. But he knew it would be hard for you to understand. So he promised himself that he would never call you "demon" again. After that eclipse night when the both of you were talking in front of your bedroom window, he realized how much it hurt you when he called you that. He hated himself for bringing you pain. And his heart hurt so badly when he thought about the possibility of you pushing him away again. It made him want to hold onto your small, frail body tightly and say "Please, don't leave me! I can't be without you again… Please…"

"If you say so… I still think I should've been more careful, though." You say, still feeling a little nervous and thinking that maybe you had not been the best student when attending to your classes about na'vi behavior and that maybe you didn't pay enough attention to warnings they may have given about being mindful of your surroundings when Dreamwalking 

"I promise it's okay. It was not your fault, yawntu. I'm just good at what I do." His smile clearly showed he was proud of being a good warrior

"Ok, then." You smiled back at him and the both of you laughed a bit.

Suddenly, he stopped smiling and his gaze dropped to your lips, that were not that far from his own lips, if it wasn't for that damn oxygen mask. You felt like he wanted to kiss you. The moment was awkward but in a good way. He could not kiss you with the mask on, so, instead, he smiled at you once again and looked down at the floor, bashful.

You touched his huge, gorgeous face and he looked up at you again "So, about what we were talking about before… Just try to be a little less… upfront about what you feel for me. I mean… sexually. I love that you want me this much because I want you too, Neteyam. A lot, actually. You're… really freaking hot." He smiled, blissful, and his cat-like eyes sparkled as he heard that, his ears perking up. "But you're a bit too much, at times. If you could just tone it down a bit…" Neteyam looked a little ashamed and insecure, so, you rubbed your thumb on his soft skin, to reassure him you still longed for him too "At least while I get used to your na'vi nature, it would be great. Please, try to understand me… It's a whole new world I'm just now discovering. But it doesn't mean I don't love you and don't want you and it doesn't mean you should feel insecure." You smiled gently, showing no teeth. 

Neteyam looked a bit sad again after you finished your sentence and you totally understood why. In his na'vi mind, you were practically rejecting him. That was who he truly was, animalistic and a bit too much to your human standards. He must feel like who he is was not enough or good in your eyes.

"Hey" You cupped his face again "I wanna do something. Just let me take this mask off, first." You wanted to reassure Neteyam of your feelings for him by giving him a kiss.

"Yawne, no! You can't breathe without it. You could die really fast! I'm not gonna let you do it."

"So you don't want a kiss, Neteyam Suli? I thought you'd want it, judging by the way you have been stalking me and by our interaction that night, outside my bedroom's window." You teased him and his face lit up

Neteyam gave you an excited smile. The way his full lips curled up as he quickly pondered about the pros and cons of your offer was so beautiful, almost hypnotizing.

God, you really were in love with that na'vi boy, weren't you? There's no going back now. He's holding your heart in his big, weird but cute, alien hands.

"I guess if we make it quick-"

"Shut up, Neteyam." You interrupted, chuckling playfully "I know you're dying to feel my lips on yours. Just help me take this mask off already." It was a bit hard for you to take the mask off while holding onto his shoulders. You knew he would not let you fall but still you wanted to still feel a bit of control and keep holding onto him too.

Neteyam got surprised by your boldness, since he did not see it coming, and he could only think about how freaking amazing it would feel to finally taste your lips, so, he did as you asked - leaving the mask hanging on your neck by the strap it had - and you rapidly held his big pretty, blue face, brought your lips to his and placed the most tender of kisses there, pressing your mouth against his mouth softly but with so much care, trying to let him feel how much you desired him too. His lips were velvety, warm and so incredibly good to kiss. God, you did not care that you were risking dying from lack of oxygen. You wanted that alien boy so badly.

Neteyam's still tense demeanor soon turned into a calmer one as he kissed you back. His hold on you got tighter as he felt your sweet soft lips on his. He felt so incredibly hungry for you. How could he not be? Your kiss was the most delicious thing he had ever felt in his whole life. You both shared saliva and wet each other's lips with each time your lips parted only slightly and came together again. Your soft skin made him want to squeeze you and never let you go again. Neteyam wanted to cuddle with you, wanted to wrap his tail around your small body in a possessive way to let you know you're his and that he would take care of you, hunt food to feed you and protect you from anything that could ever hurt you.

It was getting harder and harder for him not to lay you on the ground and press his body against your tiny one and make love to you right there but he knew that, thinking rationally, that was not a good idea at all, as the both of you were just outside a laboratory full of humans and you two could easily get caught and be in danger.

Even though Neteyam craved your body insanely, now even more than before, as he was finally feeling you close and tasting your lips, he was trying to take it as slow and gentle as he could because he wanted to respect your limits instead of scaring you away again. He understood you were human and your race acted in a very different way when it came to relationships. He still thought it to be a dumb way to lead things but it was you who was asking him to act differently and he loved you with his whole being. He could not bring himself to say "no" to that request. He knew it would be temporary and you soon would give into the na'vi that lives inside of you when it came to mating too. For you, Neteyam could wait. He knew things would soon change for the better. You were now in his arms, as the two of you kissed. You were no longer afraid of him. That was everything he needed at that moment. Things were already so much better.

Neteyam noticed you were having more and more trouble breathing, so he got worried and quickly put your oxygen mask back on.

You gasped for air and breathed in so much oxygen once you had your mask on that it might have been funny to watch, though Neteyam did not laugh. On the contrary, he seemed way too serious, way too worried about your safety. You wanted him to relax a bit.

"See how much I love you? I risked dying just to give you a kiss." You tried to speak normally but what came out of your mouth was a hoarse whisper instead, as your lungs were still in need of more air. A weak smile was adorning your lips as you struggled but still managed to let out a frail chuckle

"Don't say that, oeyä tawtute, please." Neteyam told you, trying to stay serious but still letting out a chuckle as well

"See the sacrifices I make for you, Neteyam?" You tried to seem mad at him at the beginning, only to start laughing shortly after, now that you finally had enough oxygen in your system to be able to let out an actual laugh, even if it still sounded weaker than your laughing would sound in another situation

He smiled big and teased you "Skxawng." (moron)

"But you love me." You closed your eyes while smiling, full of yourself

"I do." You opened your eyes to look at his face "More than you think, yawntu."

Your heartbeat accelerated intensely and you blushed. Neteyam found your blushed cheeks adorable. He looked at you so intensely, like he was holding the most precious thing in the world in his arms.

Neteyam knew he had just fallen even harder for you now that you both had kissed. He could not wait until he could be alone with you in a safe place and get to explore your body with his hands and kiss you all over. He almost got hard just thinking about that but he tried his hardest to whoosh that away. Neteyam was scared that feeling his bulge would be too much for you at that moment, specially since he knew he was much bigger than the human males you were used to. You might feel uncomfortable because of that difference and the sudden intimate feeling of his hard big cock against you and want to get out of his arms. Neteyam did not want that to happen. He needed you there a bit more, he was not ready to let you stand on your feet yet. And he was so afraid of you not wanting him close anymore, he was so afraid of perhaps ruining what you both had now. It was far too special for him. He could not let his sexual instincts ruin that. The time would come when you would let him in completely, when you would grant him permission to be inside of you and show you how much he craved your pussy, how much you messed with his head and awakened his most intense desires. Until then, he would wait and take baby steps. For you, he was capable of waiting for ages, though he hoped so strongly it would not take long.

༊⁀➷

Taglist:

@kitsunefirewail

@tumblingdevils

@a-blog-name-2003

@xylobee

@nerdybouquetofkittens-blog

@henhouse-horrors

@lala-1516

@xylianasblog

@samistars

@crazy4books1

@explosiongamora

@lik0

@your-girl-mj

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@sereisstuff

@yeosxxx

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@iman-lu

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@im-in-a-pansexual-panik

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@melllinaa

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@badbishsblog

@neteyamsmate4life

@c-h-i-l

@criticallybella

@celi-xxmoon

[spiritsglade]

for that dvd commentary ask thing, from the latest fic!!

He knows how he managed it, this time, but it still doesn't feel real. His limbs are numb and he can barely hear the clack of the teeth in his mouth, clattering against each other. The winter air burns in his lungs and with every breath it's like he can feel his body a little less.

He looks up at the stars. He thinks maybe if he knew the constellations, he'd have figured it out earlier. They move throughout the year, don't they?

So what if he doesn't know? What if he died again? He's alive now, Bruce is coming, and the sky above is the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.

for context, this is about my fic redux.

i wrote the first draft of this entire fic on the notes app of my phone at a christmas house party thing on… i want to say the 21st? i was very close to deleting the entire second half of the fic after the divider, and ending the first on something similar to that last little line ("the sky above is the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.") the only reason i kept it was literally just because i already shoved too many immortal jason todd foreshadowing bits into the first half and having them there without any payoff felt silly. but it was supposed no bruce, no batfam at all!! because the core of what i wanted to communicate with the fic was really captured in an earlier line: "He doesn't remember this part last time, the part where he's here and alive and the world feels impossibly open." [yes i was heavily considering cutting the superhero rpf. i will gladly kill my darlings!! (unfortunately this is a lie, seeing as i caved in the end.)]

because last time breaking out of the grave was only the beginning of jason todd's journey through hell. the hospital, the convalescent home, the streets, league training lazarus pit etc. there's a very frenetic energy to his first resurrection? he keeps going and going and going. time keeps slipping by he's catatonic and then he's fueled by rage, the entire timeline is filled in from retrospect. when under the hood first came out, it did not fucking matter how he came back to life, it only mattered that he came back (and came back wrong). which is to say, jason never got the chance to just. revel in being alive again? we're too busy playing out his revenge tragedy. he never had a moment where he could appreciate everything being alive offers that the nothingness of death does not. zero opportunity to sit and breathe. and i wanted to give him that.

that was, at conception, the point of the fic. i feel like it's a little weakened because now instead it's about bruce fucking wayne again but whatever i'll get over it.

okay a break down of the lines:

He knows how he managed it, this time, but it still doesn't feel real.

i'm gonna be for real, this is here because him being able to break out of a professional, expensive hardwood coffin six feet under while it's RAINING and he has FRESH injuries from the crowbar + explosion? literally fucking impossible. realistically he would have asphyxiated in there again within an hour and superboy punching the universe would have changed absolutely nothing. jason doesn't know how he managed to crawl out of his grave last time. the author doesn't know, either. but it makes sense how he managed it this time!!! i did my research!!

it does not feel real because it's still taking him time to process that he died again + probably the hypothermia's playing a part in that.

His limbs are numb and he can barely hear the clack of the teeth in his mouth, clattering against each other. The winter air burns in his lungs and with every breath it's like he can feel his body a little less.

Just descriptions of him being cold <3 and dying of hypothermia <3 i really enjoy descriptive writing. i probably could have edited it further to improve the flow of the sentences but. yeagh. cold air hurts my throat so bad it's upsetting.

He looks up at the stars. He thinks maybe if he knew the constellations, he'd have figured it out earlier. They move throughout the year, don't they?

jason does not know his constellations propaganda. i just think this city boy should get to witness the sky a little more often!! i don't know if you've seen those photos of how the sky looks with zero light pollution. personally, i will believe that's how it looks when i see it with my own two eyes. in the meantime, even my suburban hell has a pretty sky that is leagues better than what you'd get in pollution central.

So what if he doesn't know? What if he died again? He's alive now, Bruce is coming, and the sky above is the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.

this is feeding back into the original point of the fic. he wasn't alive before, sure but he is now!! live in the moment and appreciate it!

bruce is coming because i cannot fucking escape this asshole. if i write about jason he's always there hovering on the peripheral until i am forced to acknowledge him.

(sidenote: this is why he and jason have a face to face meeting in lies of omission ch.7 instead of the original plan, which would have saved any sort of confrontation between them for chapter like… 20. bruce just demands space. he's so annoying. go away.)

anyway this fic is pro-batfam and pro-bruce, which means! bruce coming is a good thing! it's a change to the ending of his death [bruce was too late] and his first resurrection [all the near misses that prevented bruce from finding him]. like in some ways this is meant to be an opposite thesis to then batman kills his son. if you squint. this time bruce will be here when jason needs him!!

i could not fit it in easily so i gave up, but bruce here has been forcibly benched in the cave, stuck running comms, due to injury. that's why it takes him all of 2 seconds to get on a batplane directly to jason's location.

and again stars are pretty propaganda. like guys i am so serious go out and look at the sky. i am an unironic 'do you like the color of the sky' post liker. i like that post so fucking much. you don't understand. the sky. guys. it can be blue and orange and pink and yellow and the stars and there are so many different kinds of clouds i don't think you understand how gorgeous it can be and and- gets shot

anyway.

this fic is a second resurrection for jason, one that is different from the first in every way that matters.

bruce wayne also had a support system this time so he didn't fall the fuck apart like the last time jason died <3 i didn't really have an exact figure in mind for how long jason's been dead but it's somewhere between 3-6 months. from their perspective, he straight up disappeared after a fight, so there's this weird mix of thinking he's dead but holding out hope that he'll come back. the grief is still very much present but they've managed to hold themselves together because they have each other! waves my hands around vaguely can you see where the title came from.

hm. in conclusion. being alive is pretty awesome. i recommend.

[cleavetheclover]

Clver, think about it...shadowire (platonic or romantic) domestic fluff,,, or just fluff,,, angsty fluff? ps this is just my sleep deprived ramblings

Like...

- Post Hourglass Omen being found by Cypher (probably willingly i don't see Cypher going to go see Omen if he'd rather not see Cypher) and just...a talk. Omen venting. Cypher comforting Omen and listening quietly. And then cuddles. A kiss when Cypher leaves Omen be again and an orange, "for luck," Cypher would say (knowing it had no such meaning)

- Pre Hourglass, Omen coming to see Cypher at night, cuddles and physical intimacy mixed with quietness, because if nothing else Over feels just a little more grounded when Cypher is holding him.

- Cypher noticing little quirks Omen has. Sometimes Cypher tells Omen about what he's noticed. Omen enjoys it because it at least means he's still human if nothing else. (I mean, what kind of monster has a preferred sitting position or a certain kind of wool they enjoy knitting the most?)

- Above, but roles exchanged. Omen notices things about Cypher that makes him Cypher and some that makes Amir. It's weird, Cypher thinks, I'd hate being known but it feels natural with Omen. (Inspired mostly by hermit card, which normally means like being known by no one but yourself)

ehh welp thas all i got in the brain goodnight I'm by no means asking you to draw any of these i just saw your ask thingy and went "bet lemme think"

Noooooo stop I stg every single member of the cyphmen community has the exact same headcannons please 😭😭😭

(Not that I’m complaining, that just means more food for all of us)

ANYWAY all of these are wonderful ideas and I definitely want to write all of them!!! Unfortunately I am rather swamped right now bc senior design is kicking my ass and job hunting is harder than ranking up in val, and my current hyperfixation is a game called Noita…

But I’ll definitely get back to writing as soon as my life stops being as volatile as a bucket of acetone.

Also I wrote a short thing for the hourglass thing I hope you like it! I’ll respond to the other prompts later

Post hourglass Omen:

I think he would shut himself in his room for a while and just sit there, completely overwhelmed and not sure where to go or what to do next.

Since it’s cannon that Omen can sense others emotions, I think pre-HG Omen would have already sensed a timid friendship and significant fear from Viper, but it wasn’t until post-HG that he knows why. He’s having this world-shattering realization that one of the few people he has trusted and befriended in this lifetime not only doesn’t return that friendship, but actively fears him, and for good reason.

Imagine learning that your best friend fears you, for an incident you would have never learned of—had you not hired a shady information broker to find it out for you.

Confirming that she sees you as a monster— something you never wanted to be.

Yeah, I’d be pretty lost and upset too.

So Omen is gonna be hiding in his room trying to figure out a path forward and simultaneously avoid thinking about said path forward.

Cypher, being the nosiest man alive, a friend of Omen’s, and also the guy who helped orchestrate the mission in the first place, is not gonna sit there and let Omen feel so alone.

He shows up and Omen really wants to just slam the door and tell him to fuck off, but he really doesn’t have the energy (and also can’t really afford to burn more bridges at the moment). So begrudgingly he lets him in.

Cypher softly says his name, “Omen,” but the shadow doesn’t dare look him in the eye. Instead he stares at the sentinel’s belt. Browth leather. Battle-worn. Probably replaced several times over, like Omen’s own combat gear.

The sentinel approaches, and Omen can feel a protective sentiment befitting his role as a Sentinel. It’s soothing, he’s felt it before, but he really wishes he weren’t the subject of such a keen emotion right now.

Cypher’s gloved hands come up to rest on the sides of his own shoulders. The intent is to be reassuring, but Omen doesn’t find it to be such. What is he supposed to do with his own hands, anyhow? Touch Cypher’s shoulders? His belt, or chest?? His waist???

Well, the chest option is gone, because the next thing he knows Cypher’s chest is pressed against his own. And his arms are wrapped around his back.

Omen always knew humans were warm, but for some reason, he had always imagined Cypher to be cold. Maybe it was the utter lack of skin showing. The minimal expressions in his mask. The way he never so much as brushed hands with anyone else in the Protocol, as if he were a robot like KAY/O. Hell, the literal killer-bot had a warmer attitude than Cypher most of the time. Maybe it was…

Whatever.

Cypher is warm. Like any other human. Embracing him without any reservations at all.

No fear. No pity. No grief.

It makes him feel like, for one moment, that maybe he isn’t a monster after all.

Omen responds in the only way he can think of: he ducks his head down and buries his face in Cypher’s collar, and lifts his hands up to Cypher’s back and pulls him as close as he can.

He smells like bar soap and leather. And something else more organic, musky almost like sweat, but that can only be described as subtle and pleasant.

Alas, their embrace cannot last forever. Poor Cypher is a man, not a scented candle or a stuffed animal that can be basked in or embraced forever. Omen releases him, already missing the warmth and the scents and the textures and the intimacy, but he would rather save face and keep Cypher comfortable than anything else.

Cypher seems… satisfied.

Omen isn’t sure how he feels.

There’s a long pause.

“I am not my past,” he blurts, immediately wishing he didn’t. He almost says something else to brush it away, but he knows that doing so will only dig a deeper hole for himself. He says nothing more and hopes Cypher will have the courtesy to do the same.

But the Sentinel, as always, has other plans.

“Neither am I.”

Omen’s gaze snaps up at that.

The Sentinel then reaches into a bag of items that he had discarded upon entering, and produces a ball of yarn and a small tin box.

“I have spent the last decade of my life paying for crimes too heinous to be named.” He comes to stand in front of Omen once again. “They called me everything from a villain to a monster to, well. ‘Villain’ and ‘monster’ in more callous terms.”

Cypher chuckled humorlessly. Omen dared not ask who ‘they’ was referring to, but got the feeling that he didn’t need to.

“I am not absolved from my past. I cannot fix the innumerable lives I have ruined or the things I have destroyed.”

Then he lifted the little tin up to his face. “But then again, what kind of monster has a favorite type of tea?”

In his other hand, outstretched to Omen, was the ball of yarn. “Or a favorite type of wool?”

Omen just stared at it. Cashmere imported from India, said the label.

“To the best of my ability— which admittedly isn’t much— I left it all behind.” Cypher somberly bushes the tips of gloved fingers across his masked cheek. “My name. My face. My skin, even.”

Omen tilted his head at that last one. It sounded painful. But then again, what about Cypher’s existence wasn’t?

“Like me, you might carry the legacy of a monster. But that does not mean you are one.”

The cashmere is soft in Omen’s hands. He runs his thumb along each strand, marveling in the gift. On its own, it didn’t feel deserved. But when he looks back sees the tin of tea being cradled in Cypher’s own hands, it does.

Former monsters sitting under a warm roof with their silly little domestic joys: the thought of it almost makes Omen laugh.

Cypher must have seen the way the tension eased from Omen’s shoulders, because now he is chuckling too.

Bastard.

“Omen,” the informant takes the revenant’s hand and says his name with that dratted melody of affection in his voice, “Would you like to knit while I brew us some tea?”

———————————————

Since you suggested an orange:

It’s a very cute idea— I think oranges are for luck and wealth in Chinese culture, not sure about other ones tho.

Unfortunately I’ve come to kind of associate them with mourning. My grandma passed away last summer, and my grandpa and I leave flowers and oranges on her gravestone when we visit. So I didn’t feel like writing that into this little story lol

And yeah I also incorporated your “what kind of monster has a favorite kind of wool?” Thing in here wahoo

[aerodaltonimperial]

I believe that everyone should evaluate relationships when those relationships are not working for them any longer, and that means it's one of those times that I have to do the same for myself in fandom, so.

As a caveat, I have a really fraught relationship with writing. If you've followed me for awhile you've probably started to put the pieces together, but yes, I do try to do it professionally, and no, it's not going well. Like, at all. Like, I'm actually really bad at it. Fantastically, laughably bad at it. And I've been trying to be successful for well over a decade, and at this point, fic is the only positive association I've got with writing at all. So my involvement in fandom is already colored by my failures outside of fandom, and it sucks that all of that ends up bleeding into this. But those failures are, unfortunately, huge, and equally unfortunately, massive issues inside my self-confidence.

But I genuinely love being part of fandom. I've been in fandoms since I was 14 years old, for about 25 years of my life. I love being a part of the fandom environment, and I love the interaction, and I love the enthusiasm and flailing and just adoring whatever the source material is. Fandom is, honestly, one of the biggest things in my life, and it has been since I was a teenager, and I don't see that changing any time soon. And typically, I give 150% in fandom! I LOVE being part of it and creating things, and that's just something I've always loved doing, always used my time on. I know that I cultivate kind of a reputation of being CAPSLOCKY and flaily and just very excited about stuff and that's awesome, I love that I get to be so unfiltered and myself in fandom spaces because I feel like I always have to temper myself down in the "real world!"

But. I just don't think I can be the same in fandom any longer, not like this. I've been burned by people I thought were friends, and it's starting to feel like a very unequal distribution of enthusiasm, and I've got a full-time job and a young kid and I already have very little time for myself. It starts to feel really shitty when I'm giving so much of that time and it's just no longer coming back. And this is fine! Fandom ebbs and flows and that's just life; that's the nature of following something that involves real people, you know? Haha, things change and the source material shifts, and that's how it works. But I also know myself and my relationship with writing and self-confidence, and I know enough to know I can't keep doing this. When I start crying about fandom, it's time to step back. When fandom feels like throwing my time and love and energy into a black hole, it's time to step back. It's not good for my mental health any longer. I get too much silence and failure in real life, the last thing I need is to heap more on myself.

Again, this isn't anyone's fault! It's the nature of the beast. I brought a lot of this on myself by stepping away from half of the pairing that I really spearheaded in this fandom, and I'll own that. I don't regret that, even though that was when a lot of people also stepped away from me. And it's like, that's cool. I'm not making what you want any longer, and that content was what I was good for. But it's time for me to start conserving my energy as best I can, because I am still trying to (stupidly, fruitlessly) be successful in real life aspects of this dumb word-making hobby. So if you no longer see me showing up with silly capslock and excitement on your stuff, I'm sorry. I know that people liked it, and I was happy to give it out when I could. I'm happy with how I contributed to fandom during the boom, and I'm happy with who I was in the fandom. I'm still here, still watching, still obsessed, but I'm really stepping away from the creation/interaction side.

And maybe I'll feel better and start writing again and maybe I won't, and that's okay, too. I just didn't want people to think that I hated them or what they were creating because I'm not sliding into comments the way I used to. 💚 Anyway. Been quite a ride. I guess at the end of the day, I hope that I wrote something that you really liked, and that I was able to make you feel really warm and happy inside if you also wrote fic or made art. That's the impression I'd like to leave on people. 💚

[bltzgore]

im obsessed with waterboarding torture whump but i canNOT find much on it here on tumblr so i was wondering if i can have your twisted brilliant mind’s take on it……. /pos

Oh, YES! (and thank you 😈) this is gonna be a long one. I have some IDEAS.

Tw: waterboarding, panic, mentions of gasoline

Let's hit the ground running!

Waterboarding is fun, but it is so much better (in my opinion) when you go after someone who is especially susceptible to it. Someone who's afraid of the water, or has incompatible physical traits or powers.

Starting with water boarding the old fashioned way (we'll call it traditional) with the build up. The getting tied, or even better held, down on whumpee's back. I'm gonna lean into held down for how much more they can struggle. I think the amount of fear expressed can double if whumpee actually manages to get an arm free before it's grabbed back and pinned twice as rough.

You need to show that whumpee is desperate. They are convinced this is going to kill them. They are screaming, or growling, or maybe they snap (does your whumpee bite?). This just makes the whumpers laugh. "Damn, we got a live one."

Then the cloth goes over their face and and they feel like they're going to have a heart attack, whumpee is actually crying at this point, hyperventilating (which will only make it worse when the water arrives). The terror is so strong it hurts.

Let us recall that covering whumpee's eyes can make things exponentially worse. They can no longer predict and brace for whatever it is. It can come at any time and that kind of terror can do half the whumper's work for them. So keep things unpredictable.

From there it's a simple process for whumper. Half drown whumpee, demand information they cannot give, put the cloth back, rinse and repeat.

Whumpee feels like they are drowning and dying and being dragged back again. This is their own personal hell, and there is no escape. I like to wonder how much energy they'd have, and if eventually they'd fall limp. Whumpee no longer has the strength to fight back and now they're sobbing and just waiting to die.

I love when it's a fierce character who's breaking to this as well. They started out cursing everyone out and trying to claw at their captors and they've been reduced to begging and incoherent runs of "No no no no no no! Not again!! STOP! STOP-"

So I said before this was the traditional method, let's branch out a bit:

- I once read a very inspired whump post about using gasoline to waterboard someone, and holy shit I wanna write about that! (I was unfortunately unable to find the original post.) Just imagine how much more it burns. Choking on gas. Then whumper gets to threaten them by holding up a match.

- there's also holding someone under water. I don't prefer this necessarily, but it's a fun option if you don't have the means of restraining whumpee on their back. You could do this anywhere, and if you press their head down just right you can make sure they can still hear whumper as they make their demands.

- I could go on and on about water based whump, but for now I'll cut it here! Happy whumping!!!

[lightning-storm-studies]

No-stress Summer Learning Challenge 🌞

Where did the idea of the no-stress summer learning challenge come from 🤔?

I see do many posts about summer studying, that it makes me worried. People spend their time studying during summer holidays, already preparing for the upcoming semester/school year. It's your free time and, as someone, who already has a full-time job (and is trying to finish her thesis to get a master's degree), I can tell you, that you probably won't have that much free time in the summer once you start working. Yes, it's sad and unfair, but unfortunately, it's real 🙁. So please, take your time, use it for something else, than worrying about exams, preparing for school and getting stressed and burnt out before school even starts. Don't waste your energy sitting in front of your PC/laptop, or with a course book, learing stuff by heart, while the sun ☀️ is shining outside, children are playing and other people are going out with their friends and families. And if you already work full-time, but also are still a student, don't use whatever free time you have on summer to study even more. Unless you absolutely have to, of course (I'm in this kind of situation, I have to write my thesis during summer, because the deadline is in September), but even then, don't use all your time for schoolwork. Although I consider summer studying an unnecessary stress factor, there's a difference between studying and learning. Studying is for school, learning is for yourself 🙂. I'm not telling you to be lazy the whole summer, but to consider learning something, that doesn't include schoolwork. It may be related to what you're studying in college/at school, or it may be something totally different. It may be something about technology 🔌 (programming, robotics, electronics...), art 🎨 (drawing, painting, embroidery...), nature 🌱 (gardening, foraging, birdwatching...), music 🎶 (singing, playing an instrument, making electronic music...), foreign languages 🗺️, sports ⚽, cooking 🍲, baking 🍩, kintting 🧶, sewing 🪡... the list is endless. So, as an alternative to summer studying challenge, you can start a no-stress summer learning challenge.

The main rules 📑

The main purpose of this challenge is to find motivation to learn for yourself 😀 again, so no exams, no homework, no grades, just you and your goal .

You're free to choose what you're going to learn, based on your own passions, dreams and ambitions 😍, without worrying about other people's judgement and expectations.

It's supposed to be stress free 😌, so there are no fixed schedules or deadlines. It's up to you to plan your learning and decide, how long it's going to take you.

To stay focused, please choose one topic and stick to it. It doesn't mean, you can't learn anything else. Actually you should, because staying concentrated on one thing for too long can make you burn out quickly, but have one main goal 😎.

Remember to take proper breaks 🥱. Learning all the time will only make you sterssed and tired. It's not school, so you don't need to worry about any fixed due date or preparing for a test.

Don't be too hard on yourself and remember that mistakes are a part of learning 😯, not a failure or shame.

Preparing for the challenge and completing it 📚

Think about, what do you want to learn this summer. It doesn't have to be very specific at this stage. For example, it can be something like "I want to learn about cats 🐈", or "I want to learn to draw 🖼️", or "I want to learn about tea 🫖".

When you know, what you want to learn, do your research, to be able to set a more specific goal. Read about this topic, watch some videos, maybe try to find people, who have more knowledge about it, than you, and talk to them. Let the "I want to learn about cats" become "I want to learn proper cat care 😸", the "I want to learn to draw" become "I want to learn to draw manga 🎏" or the "I want to learn about tea" become "I want to learn, how to brew various kinds of tea 🍵".

You've done the research, so now it's time to find your "why", because to stay motivated, you need to remember that you're doing it for a reason and that this knowledge is useful. The "I want to learn proper cat care" becomes "I want to learn proper cat care to make my cats healthier and happier 😻", the "I want to learn to draw manga" becomes "I want to learn to draw manga, because I'm interested in art and Japanese culture 🌸" and the "I want to learn, how to brew various kinds of tea" becomes "I want to learn, how to brew various kinds of tea, because I like tea and I want to make it even better 🍃".

Once you find your motivation, look for the learning resources 💻. It can be an online course, internet articles, scientific papers, books, YouTube videos, TikTok videos... whatever, depends on what you're going to learn. You can also contact someone, who is na expert in what you're learning, and ask them for help. While learning from blogs, videos, etc., remember to check the sources, to make sure the person, who created this content, knows what they're talking/writing about.

When you know your resources, plan the whole thing ahead 📝, considering your other summer plans (like traveling or going out with friends), to make sure, that you have enough time for learning and that the time you're going to spend working towards your goal is fairly evenly distributed to avoid stress and burnout, but remember to make your schedule flexible, so you don't have to worry about learning at a fixed time. Again, it's not school.

You've planned everything, now set reminders in your phone 📱 and/or write it down in a planner 📔 or on some post-it notes 📄... whatever works best for you to remember about your goal and the time you've decided to spend learning.

To minimize the risk od procrastination, divide the tasks into smaller tasks. You can write to-do lists ☑️ (either digital, or on paper), so you can see your progress and know exactly, what needs to be done.

To avoid getting burnt out 🤯, step away from what you're learning once in a while. Don't overwork yourself, you're not preparing for an exam.

To ensure you have enough energy ⚡, take care of your health, both physical and mental. Take breaks, sleep long enough 😴, go out with your friends, stay hydrated 💧, exercise 🏃🏻‍♀️, spend some time in nature 🌲.

Last, but not least: remember to post regular updates about your progress on your blog. It can be every day, every three days, once a week... you decide. It can include photos, but doesn't have to. Just make it regular and tag it with "no-stress summer learning challenge" or "no-sslc" 😊.

[howlsmovinglibrary]

Hello! I have a question about how you managed to both write fanfic and work on your degree :') I'm currently working 8-17 and then I have offline classes usually 18-21, so I come back to my dorm at around 22 and on the rare days that I don't I can't make myself do anything. Even on weekends. Even homework for uni. And I guess I just miss being creative. So far all I'm doing is daydreaming in public transport and writing in my notes ideas, but don't have any energy to work on them or even make a decent outline. Like, I admire you Ms. Wet Cat. You're a stronger woman than I am.

hey anon! i'm not a stronger woman tbh, I just have more free time. things finesse a little at PGR level, and my PhD was funded so I didn't have second work!

based on your description of your day, it honestly sounds like you're burned out, and you shouldn't beat yourself up about not being creative in those circumstances. I've recently come out of a period where I couldn't write a single word, and unfortunately when that happens, rather than stewing in guilt I had to just accept the limits of my body (and brain). I didn't do any creative work, I played a videogame. bc my body was starved of energy and enjoyment, and I needed rest. All I can tell you under that circumstance, is that it took a month for my 'desire to create', 'ability to create' and 'energy to create' to align, but it happened eventually!!! and now i'm feeling better and I can enjoy writing without it feeling like something I 'should' be doing, it's something I want to do instead.

If you want an answer with an ounce more discipline, then my only advice is to carve out the time. if your commute is where you feel like you have creativity happening, make your commute the time you write 100 words. if you have free weekends, give an hour of that weekend to writing. even if it's only small, if doing nothing is what is frustrating you, then small is better than nothing! writing doesn't magically happen, i choose nights to spend at home on my work. as i say, i think I have more spare time than you, but it still only happens because I choose to dedicate a period of time to it. I write and post fic bc I *know* it is good for my mental health and makes me feel better about myself, so I make time to do it the same way I guess people do with exercise, etc.

but to be frank, what you're describing in your ask is honestly burnout, so I'm not leaning towards this answer as definitive. i have a very boring, dull platitude which is "if the well is dry, sometimes you have to wait for rain". you have the urge to create, nurture that however you can but please don't hate yourself for being human and having limits. let yourself rest and creativity will come, that's literally been my last two months so I'm speaking from experience x

[forcebookish]

ao3 wrapped [writers edition]

i think this is meant to be an ask meme but i thought i'd just answer them instead. (my ao3 is lapmonster.)

How many words have you written this year? 21,882 (posted)

How many works did you publish this year? five

What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)? the weight in her heart. it's the most fun and intensive to write, and i have a lot in store for it.

What work of yours has the most hits? thirty minutes at 1,428, which is impressive because it's the latest and i didn't post it on twitter!

What work of yours got more feedback than you expected? uh, it's complicated.

Favorite title you used make my heart tremble. from the moment the line was said on the show, i thought it'd make a cute title.

If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most? "yellow is the color of her eyes" by Soccer Mommy. that's where the chapter titles and title inspo for the weight in her heart comes from.

Pairing you wrote the most for this year? topmew (3/5)

Favorite pairing you wrote for this year? ichiruki. it was really nice to get back to them.

What work was the quickest to write? a compelling argument. it almost wrote itself.

What work took you the longest to write? the weight in her heart. i started writing it at least two years ago, and this is the third draft. the third chapter has been months in the making and still has a ways to go.

How many WIPs do you have in your docs for next year? oh god, in terms of fics that have a good chance of actually getting posted in 2025? i'd say roughly eight, not including twihh.

What’s your longest work of the year? the weight in her heart at 10,507 words. i originally thought the whole thing would be 25k, but chapter three is going to be at least 10k so, uh, we'll see.

What’s your shortest work of the year? False Alarm at 1,145 words.

What WIP are you taking into next year with you? the weight in her heart. i was really hoping to get chapter 3 up before the end of the year, but i added so many new scenes lol

What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag? Missing Scene (3)

Your favorite character to write this year? my son, top tanin.

The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year? ishida uryuu. he's got a weird energy to him.

What’s one pairing you want to explore next year? coffy, unfortunately, and arcarm.

Which work of yours have you reread the most? a compelling argument, i think.

How many kudos in total did you get this year? 412

Which work has the most comments? the weight in her heart at 20.

Did you do any collaborative works this year? nope! i don't like to lol i used to write a lot of fic exchange fics but i think those kind of burned me out, ya know?

Did you write any gifts this year? no. i kind of miss doing those, but the deadline guilt is killer.

Did you receive any gifts this year? no, but there were a lot of fics that felt like gifts 🥰

What’s your most common category? M/M (4)

What do you listen to while writing? sometimes i'll have a specific playlist for the ship or fic, my music on shuffle, or nothing at all. if i'm really desperate, i'll have the tv on in the background.

Favorite work you wrote this year? i already answered this, but make my heart tremble for the end result and the satisfaction of getting to imagine it as a canon scene, and the weight in her heart as a source of pride and continuing joy.

Favorite line/passage you wrote this year? it's really the whole of rukia's death scene in twihh, but i'm pretty attached to this part:

Whatever that thing was didn’t seem to be interested in her twisted, bleeding body on the ground. It wanted her. Rukia scrambled back, but the Chain went taut and jerked her forward. In an act of desperation, she grabbed it and pulled as hard as she could. Her body followed, albeit slowly. The weight felt like it was crushing her. It wasn’t enough. The monster was advancing. She kept tugging, her body flipping, dragging; she winced with every impact, every pull.  “Please move. Move, move, move, please,” she begged herself. “Get up. Get up!”

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year? how fucking long chapter three of the weight in her heart got!!! fics in general seemed to get longer and longer this year. rekindled my verbosity, i guess.

[saiwriting]

What Do I Even Want?

by Saiya Soublet

Now that I have been unemployed for a while, I'm ready to get back at it. My brain is refocused and my burn out has dissipated. The only problem is, now I'm not quite sure what I want because what I wanted before no longer appeals to me. I think that one unique way in which my life choices have screwed me over is that my last job spoiled me a bit. It was full time, it was remote, it was paying fairly well, and it gave me very specific skills to use, especially if I waned to go back to the medical field But, here's the problem. Not only did I feel soul-sucked at that job, but I also have zero interest in going anywhere near the medical field again. Problem is, now that I've had this lucrative job, going "backwards" is difficult because I don't want to and they may not even hire me if I seem too "over qualified," and the industries that I actually do want to go into are not necessarily open books for people with a severe lack of skill in that specific industry. Yeah, the job market out here is rough and people weren't exaggerating.

Sometimes I think, should I have quit my job? I would be making more money by now, but that would probably be the only upside. I would still be severely depressed, still be out of school because I would still be burned out and still be wondering if I should just end it all. What came with the sacrifice of leaving my job was the glorious energy of a spiritual rebirth. My soul no longer feels dragged down by the world; I have a newfound energy to make a name for myself and to continue to touch success. However, things just don't seem to be lining up as much as I'd like them to. I want to write. Whether that be in freelance, content creation, starting to understand the ins-and-outs of a publishing house, or to just continue my education again with a tacked-on English degree, I want to write. The problem with the job industry now is that no one is wiling to take chances, and I understand, but how is anyone supposed to gain experience and even interest in fields that are seemingly locked behind paywalls? This has frustrated me to no end.

It's a twofold issue. I am willing to work a part-time job to fund my passions and what I actually want to do. That is realistic and the most normal way to go about this. However, my previous experience with any job that I have, no matter what the job was, was that it took way too much mental energy and did not leave me with enough mental energy to even think about writing or content creating. Therefore, I think I've built up an aversion to doing things that way, whether at my detriment or benefit is being determined to this day. Life does not occur exactly how we want it to; I know this. I know this all too well.

Another thing that I think is unfair is that platforms like UpWork, a way to gain freelancing work and experience, makes you pay for a coin-type system in order to even be able to apply for opportunities. Shit sucks and everything feels like it's rigged because I didn't take the "normal" way of doing anything! I have done so much to grow and evolve as a person and to align myself with opportunities in writing, but it unfortunately feels like because I am not getting what i want out of it, that everything I have done so far is wrong. I know that, realistically (and even a bit unrealistically), there will come a time when the opportunity comes, the money comes, the recognition and progress comes, and so I have to be used to uncomfortability, but God do I hate to be tested. How much more of myself is the Universe telling me that i have to sacrifice in order to get what I want? And, in the process of sacrificing myself, I am realizing things that jumble up what I even want out of this life anymore.

The only things I know are this: I want to lead a quiet life, writing books, creating content online, and sharing myself with the world through various mediums such as music and art. That is what I want. The how and the when and the through whom are all getting muddier and muddier by the day when all of my life I desired clarity. No one tells you that the clarity that comes with doing things that others expect from you is so much more comfortable than the hell I am in right now trying to readjust my eyes to what I want. Where can I find the glasses that will finally help me see what it is I am doing? Right now, I feel as though I am going in circles, and I'm getting dizzier and dizzier and yelling to get off of this ride.

I have no desire to be so compliantly willing to do it anything other than "my way," nor do I have the desire to complain all the time when I write. I want to write about experience, growth, love, and hope. I want to be able to come here and make a blog post about how successful I am and am becoming over time. I wish to be able to tell people that I made it, that I did exactly what I said I wanted to do. Shit is hard when you have barely any backing of help.

What do I want? I want to write. I say it every single time I come up here and transcribe all of my thoughts onto this website. I want to write and writing is the only thing that I can see myself doing for the rest of my life. I have such a huge aversion to the ways in which people settle for unsatisfactory things. Of course, those are needed to grow, but being stuck in a situation or a job or circumstances in which you are feeling drained and diminished, over time, will arrest you of every ounce of expansion you could possibly have. I think that this New Moon in Sagittarius is carrying the energy of that sentiment. While I deeply want to earn money, my desire to earn money is deeply tied with my desire to be successful, and success to me is doing things that I desire to do, even if I don't desire them after a while. In that case, I then will switch gears. Right now, obviously, is a period of time where my entire gear system is being switched out so that things can run much more smoothly in my life, but for now that means I'll have to be out of commission. That is okay.

Oftentimes, I dislike having to stop and wait. It seems as though there are so many options in life right now that can get me a step closer to where I need and want to be, but none of the steps are the final gear in the system to get my train going again for the long haul. There are parts and pieces still waiting to be delivered that I need to move me forward, but I'm at a time in my life where I refuse to substitute them for the cheap, temporary pieces needed to get me to a place where I will simply just be stuck on the side of the road.

Where do I go from here? What do I want? Who do I want to be? If there is no job success by this month, I know that a "job" is not meant for me. How will my life unfold? I don't want the life that I have now in some regards, but not all. Maybe that is resistance. Maybe I should surrender more. But who knows...

(and if you are reading this an know if anything, please so spill the details)

[clairelsonao3]

Author Ask Tag Game

Thanks to @i-can-even-burn-salad @tabswrites and @mysticstarlightduck for this tag a few weeks ago, around the time I took a break from tag games. Back on the horse, though.

1) What is the main lesson of your story (e.g. kindness, diversity, anti-war), and why did you choose it?

I don't really "choose" lessons or themes. They emerge. But if Good Slaves Never Break the Rules had a lesson, it's probably about The Power of Love, not only romantic love, even though it's a romance, but love for our fellow humans and love for ourselves. And the power of choosing love over hate, despite how cruelly we may have been hurt in the past -- or how we may have hurt (or perceive that we have hurt) others.

2) What did you use as inspiration for your worldbuilding (like real-life cultures, animals, famous media, websites, etc.)?

The world of GSNBTR owes a lot to (mostly) fanfics with modern slavery AUs that I have read and enjoyed over the years. I basically took all my favorite elements from those stories, mashed them together, and threw in a few of my own unique touches. And of course, the worldbuilding has expanded from there, in many cases in much more detail than I imagined it would when I started.

3) What is your MC trying to achieve, and what are you, the writer, trying to achieve with them? Do you want to inspire others, teach forgiveness, help readers grow as a person?

My two MCs both start out with their separate goals -- her to get through university and become independent, him to find his sister -- which end up merging into one singular goal (save their loved ones and defeat the villain, essentially) by the end of the story. Learning to trust and work together is part of the journey they undergo, and with their individual strengths, they end up making an incredible team. So I guess demonstrating that is what I'm trying to achieve with them.

I want to make readers feel something. It doesn't even have to be necessarily what I feel, or what I set out to make others feel. If you feel anything -- love, fear, sadness, shock, hate, disgust -- while reading this, my work here is done.

4) How many chapters is your story going to have?

At this point (I just posted Ch. 27), I suspect not more than 40, give or take. (But take this with a grain of salt; the number has already expanded several times). We are in Act III and it's outlined in detail, with may of the scenes at least partially written, but I'm just not sure how long each chapter/scene is ultimately going to be and how and where they'll be divided. I have an idea of that, but I can't decide it ahead of time; I only know when I sit down to write and edit the chapters.

5) Is it fanfiction or original content? Where do you plan to post it?

Original (although I'm not afraid to admit there are some fannish elements/tropes to it) and I'm posting it on Ao3! It will eventually be an ebook as well. It probably won't ever migrate over to Tumblr, unfortunately, not only because of the time and energy that would require but also because the NSFW and romance elements make it much better suited for Ao3, I feel. Also, having it in one place only allows me to gauge exactly how many people have read it and engaged with it (not that that really matters, but still!)

6) When and why did you start writing?

When? As soon as I could pick up a pencil and string together letters on a page to form words. Why? Because telling stories is in my blood (literally; my dad is also a writer).

7) Do you have any words of engagement for fellow writers of Writeblr? What other writers of Tumblr do you follow?

Write what you want. It sounds simple, but I spent way too many years of my writing life writing what I thought OTHER people wanted, and it almost derailed my ability to write altogether because it made me so damn miserable.

For newer writers: If you find yourself beginning a writing question with the words "Is it okay to..." or "Can I..." just stop right there. The answer is "yes."

I follow more people than just about anyone I know and I think most of them are writers; it's in the 4 digits. So I'm going to put this question aside for now and start working on a post of my favorite Tumblr writers and stories, so for future similar questions, I'll be able to direct you to that.

This one was going around a few weeks ago and IDK who's done it so OPEN TAG!

Template under the cut

1) What is the main lesson of your story (e.g. kindness, diversity, anti-war), and why did you choose it?

2) What did you use as inspiration for your worldbuilding (like real-life cultures, animals, famous media, websites, etc.)?

3) What is your MC trying to achieve, and what are you, the writer, trying to achieve with them? Do you want to inspire others, teach forgiveness, help readers grow as a person?

4) How many chapters is your story going to have?

5) Is it fanfiction or original content? Where do you plan to post it?

6) When and why did you start writing?

7) Do you have any words of engagement for fellow writers of Writeblr? What other writers of Tumblr do you follow?

[abronzeagegod]

Writing prompt: a flower in a garden wakes up one day, in a red dress.

[Thanks for the ask and the prompt! I know it took a while to get done but work has been kicking my ass lately. Also this one got away from me, as most of these things do! If anyone has any more prompts feel free to send them my way, i might not get to them in a timely fashion though.]

Well, she thought, this is not right.

One minute she was standing in the dirt, trees and sky overhead anxiously awaiting the dawning of the sun, of the warmth, the light, the energy all around her.

Now she's laying in the dirt, looking up at the trees and the sky and the bright sun of the early morning and instead of feeling alive and invigorated and bright and happy, she feels alive and warm, and kind of sticky and that's not very comfortable.

"DA!" came a sudden and loud voice from nearby. Before such a voice from the family that lived in the nearby cottage would be mere background noise, but now it was loud, screeching, and demanding attention. "There's a weird lady laying in the dirt outside!"

There was a pause of blessed silence before a new voice yelled from nearby.

"JONATHAN I'M FIXIN TA GROUND YA FER A YEAR!"

Immediately following this new declaration there was the sound of something loud and clanging, as the one in trouble tried to make good an escape.

A few moments later there came a cloud that covered the sun.

"Ok, up ya get," said the voice.

Standing over her was a man, dark skin, lovely looking, but tired.

The woman shook her head. She just kind of instinctively knew that it meant 'no'.

"Ya likely ta burn out here, let me fix ya something ta eat n drink and we'll fix ya right up."

"I can't move. My root are in the ground. I get my nourishment from the sun and the rain."

"Ya, that mighta been the case, but my daft son emptied the potion vat on ya pretty head and now yer a woman and not a plant. So up ya git. Come in the house, we'll fix ya up in a bit."

She knew her body was wrong, she knew that it had changed and was different, but she didn't want to acknowledge it until this moment. She wanted to still be a plant.

"Come on now."

Reluctantly, she tried to get the body to move correctly. It was hard and odd and getting used to having a body full of blood and muscle, sinew and bone, was not something that came easily. Coordination was tricky.

"Like trickin' a drunk to come home with a biscuit," muttered the man.

Getting into the small cottage and sitting down took entirely too long.

"Samuel," the father said to his youngest, "fetch some water and make our guest sommin ta eat. I hafta fix this mess."

The young boy ran off to fetch some water from the nearby well.

The woman sat (sitting was decidedly a strange sensation, so many things had to bend in just the right ways and they only bend in certain ways) at the table, and with a glass of water in front of her, was delighted. She needed water, she loved water. She stuck her hand in the glass and sat there contented.

"Ya don't absorb water like that," the father said as he worked over a small cauldron. "Ya hafta use yer mouth."

The youngest son had to then help the woman learn to use this stupid mouth appendage thing to consume water. How inefficient and gross.

"I must apologize fer my son," the father said. "His chores taday were to clean up after our business. We make n sell potions. Magic n such in the form of liquid. Tha other day, ya see, we had an order fer some potions of polymorph, tha magic of turnin things inta other things. Insteada disposin of it all proper like, my idiot spawn Jon was a wee bit lazy, an dumped it all out in ta garten, which had the unfortunate side affect of turning you from a lovely lil rose bush into this her young woman ya are now."

The youngest child also tried to show the woman how to eat some of the bread that they had made the day before. It was a bit of a challenge to be sure, but there was also something so special and delicious and amazing about the texture, the feel, and the taste of the bread that she had never before experienced.

"Right. This here potion to put ya back is going ta take a few hours or so. Wanna make good use of those legs yer got there and see the world outside tha garten?"

The woman who was once a flower was intrigued by the idea of the world beyond what her limited perceptions could see in her normal form. She agreed, and following the older man she followed him out of the house and beyond the realm of the garden that she had spent all of her life in.

The world outside the house and the garden was vast and strange and so deeply interesting. The trees were all different and interesting! There were more birds and squirrels and other things that she never could have imagined existing outside after she walked for just a little bit.

There was a small river with fish! They walked across a waterfall! They saw things of so many different colors! They even saw the man's neighbor who spoke loudly and with a strange accent that the woman could barely understand. The man had a horse with him that was so large and beautiful that if she was still a flower she would have been terrified of being trampled.

"The world is so beautiful," she remarked to the man as they walked back towards the cottage.

"Aye, it is. But it's also dangerous and strange and violent sumtimes. There's a great beauty out there. But also great pain."

"What if I didn't want to go back to being a flower?"

The man sighed, resting his hands in his pockets. "Aye. Well we could leave ya be. Teach ya how to live, to survive. Bein a human is hard. Ya can't just feed off tha sun, live off tha rain. There's work ya gotta do to live. It's hard."

He paused for a long time.

"The longer ya stay a human or a bird or whatever ya like, the harder it is ta go back. After a time ya can't go back. Ya saw more than you would have as a plant, aye, that's true. But with all tha good comes all tha bad. You love tha people you love, sometimes they leave, sometimes you leave. Sometimes nothing much happens but change occurs and ya aren't the same person they loved so much. With tha heat comes tha burning. With tha cold comes tha freezing. Ya grow, ya age, ya eventually die. It's not something I wanna put on you, just because ya saw some pretty nature outside yer little plot. Bein human ain't nothing I wanna put on another bein if they got a choice in the matter."

"So what is going to happen to me?"

"I think... I think... we're gonna put ya back. I think it's fer the best. And if ya still dream of bein a person, the next time we make some potion we'll save some fer ya and turn ya back." There was a long silence as they approached the house and the familiar garden. "It's always easy to see tha new and tha excitin as the best thing, but I wouldn't wantta ta make the choice without knowin how good yer old life will feel when ya return to the dirt."

"Yes, I can see how that would be nice."

"If ya'd like I can put ya in the house, so you can be close by and watch er whatever ya do."

"I think I'd like that. Thank you for everything. You didn't have to do any of this to help me. But I appreciate it."

"Of course," the man said. "Now let's get ya back."

"I hope it won't be too long before I see you again."

"If you come back, we'll be happy ta have ya again."

After the potion was administered and the woman returned to being a rose bush once more, the man worked on replanting her in a large pot.

"If you come back and fall in love wit either of me sons I'm gonna have ta turn ya right back inta a plant. Can't have this nonsense happenin again."

i have a kofi

[akookminsupporter]

Hi Rosie! This will be a very random question and not related to jikook but I really respect you and love your blog so I wanted to ask. I'm currently writing my thesis and I have a little over a month to finish it... I'm like halfway done with it, however this past week I was unable to just sit down to continue it. I lost all my motivation, I have no energy to do this, I'm never in the mood etc. I was just watching random youtube videos all week or baking lol or helping my parents. Anything but writing my thesis which should be my no1 priority. I was hoping that by the end of the week (which is now) I could get back into it because I thought I was bordering on a burn out so in the beginning of the week I wasn't that concerned with me ditching the thesis and just binging random videos... But now it worries me lol I really want get back into it because I have to finish it obviously and I just want to be done with it. (Me finishing this paper does not equal finishing university because I still have a big end exam to do!) But I just can't... I don't know, I still have no motivation, not in the mood... I tried forcing myself yesterday to write a page or two but I lost my focus so quickly... And i hate myself lol Why can't I just finish it... Idk, do you have any tips or anything on what I could do? :( Considering I'm halfway through, I can't really afford any more long breaks like this, I'd really need to get back into it :(

Hi, anon, how are you?

I am humbled that you want to hear or read my opinion on something so personal, thank you.

I totally understand the academic dilemma you are in; I think many can relate to you on that as well. Unfortunately, it's something that happens a lot and it's annoying because you just want to get it over with quickly but your brain doesn't cooperate.

First of all, don't be so hard on yourself. It's not really your fault, what's happening to you is quite normal. And honestly, it's almost expected when someone is doing their thesis hahahah.

I would recommend you to do several things:

Review what you've done so far. Not to necessarily continue but to see the progress you've made. Understand again why you chose that topic for your thesis, and how you have developed it so far.  It is simply to admire how far you have come. Perhaps as you do that, as you remember why and what you are doing your thesis on, the inspiration will return. If it doesn't, that's OK too.

 Something you could also do is pretend that you are just starting your thesis, obviously on the same topic but pretend that you are at the stage of planning how you will tackle it. Try to make a sort of list of the points you will make, how you will develop them and in general how you will argue your thesis. Don't think about what you have done, not exactly at least but imagine what you will do. Maybe seeing it from that perspective will help. 

 Forget for a few days about the thesis. Even though you already did it, you did it with the mindset that you had to finish the thesis, so you didn't really get away from it for a few days aajaj. Save your progress. Put away the books or material you are using for your thesis and rest. Rest your body but especially your mind for a few days. Entertain it with some hobby you have. Feed it maybe with other things, other subjects. After a few days of real rest, go back to your thesis, I am almost sure your inspiration will have returned.

The most important thing is that you relax, that you don't be so hard on yourself. Don't despair or question your work because you have done well so far, you are doing well. And I am sure you will finish your thesis soon and it will be amazing. I wish you all the best in your final exam. I am sure you will soon finish your thesis and I hope you will come back to tell us that you are graduating soon. I am proud of you, anon.

FIGHTING!

[polandspringz]

I cannot express how much the Hidden Inventory arc has me in a chokehold

I've said it before, I'm not a real fan of JJK. I feel the same way about this series as I do about CSM- I love it artistically, I see the craft put into the manga as an artform itself (through the sequencing of the panels, the decisions in terms of angles) and thematically, I love it. However, I just don't like it because the series is a bit too nihilistic for me, or just a bit too dark for my tastes, and couple that with my constant mixed feelings on MAPPA- not wanting to support them for their working conditions despite the beautiful work they put out- and you get a general gist of why I will say I don't like JJK. I won't get more into the little other things because I did that before and I got a lot of replies on that post, so we'll get back to the point of this post.

However, Hidden Inventory has me in chokehold. And I know exactly why.

As a joke I said to my sister when I finally sat down to force myself to watch it (after I had already tried to watch S2 E1 after it aired and failed, and after I had seen a spoiler on Twitter for the fake-out scene with Geto and Riko), I made the joke "If the thing that gets me into JJK is some yaoi bait between Gojo and Geto then I'll-" and unfortunately, it was Gojo and Geto's arc that made me more interested in JJK. While my yaoi bait thing was a joke, I cannot lie that the angst of Gojo and Geto's dynamic was what made me more interested.

However, what had really been drawing me back into JJK was the choice in music, specifically the new opening. MAPPA keeps hitting it out of the park with their music choices for these adaptions. I'm still not over "Give it Back" and it's visuals being about everything Yuji missed out on/lost while having to pretend to be dead. And now the official Shounen Jump page made a video of Geto and Gojo with the Give it Back song playing and I-

This post is really just me rambling with no point to it, but Tatsuya Kitani's "Where Our Blue is" has been hitting me hard for weeks even before I finally read a translation of the lyrics yesterday. The lyrics talking about "Our Blue", and in the series Gojo demonstrating how the Jujutsu sorcerer's power is represented by "blue" while cursed energy is "red" and then of course Gojo has his "purple" ability. The way that "blue" is often used to describe youth or associated with youth in Japanese culture because of the kanji's use in the word seishun. The visuals of the opening being about all the moments of Gojo and Geto's high school days we don't actually see because we are dropped into the past in media res as everything collapses. We only get to watch the crumbling, the destruction, we don't get those good moments but we still feel it. We still feel how tragic it is this friendship, this relationship being torn to shreds. Feel how deeply these two care for each other, how one goes down a horrible path with no remorse while the other can only watch in horror.

The irony here is that, and I'm sure other people may have expressed this sentiment already, Gege Akutami is that good of a writer that I would have LOVED if JJK was actually completely focused on Gojo and Geto before introducing Yuji and Megumi and Nobara. How in a typical series that we would have started out with this flashback or how Gojo would usually be the main character instead and then the series would be reframed around his mentorship of the characters and trying to fix what was lost by his mistakes, but instead it's not about that. It's a side note, important background information but not the focus. And that just makes it more powerful because it just makes me long for more. It makes me want more of a slow burn, more of it visualized in the text where we see Geto and Gojo meet and be friends and then everything fall apart in the end. But at the same time, we have the iceberg theory with writing. The writing is strong enough that we don't need to actually spend time on any of that, the pain of this loss is expressed even in the short time we spend in this memory of these characters. The subtleties in the writing that only hint at or show glimpses of what we had do enough to establish their friendship before it is ripped apart before the audience's eyes. It's beautiful.

And the opening's lyrics only add to this. The way the song is clearly from Gojo's perspective, the idea of him saying that "their blue still lives", their youth, their memories, their ideology and dreams before everything went wrong, it's still alive. It's still clear. Gojo knows what he must do. Even if no prayer or word could reach Geto, Gojo will keep going. When they went their separate ways, Gojo was too confused and horrified to stop Geto, too attached to turn him in knowing that only death awaited him, he wanted to still believe that they could turn things around. The unvoiced voice says "We'll see each other again, won't we?" I also have felt that the song can also be interpreted to be about Riko who died too soon, specifically whenever I hear the lyrics "To you, who bloomed and fell away as a fruitless flower". And on a personal note, I have always loved the word play in Japanese on the main lyrics, how the singer uses two different phrases although they sound, very, very similar. The "our blue still lives"/[ima demo, ao ga sundeiru] and "Our blue is still clear"/[ima demo, ao wa sundeiru] is the main thing that kept me so latched onto this song even when I was not actually watching the show. Every choice in the lyrics of this song have destroyed me and drawn me back into this series, because it makes me want to believe that things will be fixed and that there is hope, even though I know there is none. The song gives off the feeling of this being the final farewell, of Gojo singing these thoughts even after Geto has died, almost to reassure himself that their blue is still alive, that he will carry on the will. It's wistful, its painful. It's beautiful. I love it.

[aonoexpat]

Feeling untethered

12-05-2023

I'm long overdue for a blog update, I'm going to be honest: I've had a really rough couple of weeks, and I've simultaneously been wanting to wait until it's over and I'm feeling better so I can give y'all positive texts and happy pictures, and to write an honest and open update but feeling too low to actually sit down and do it. I'm not entirely sure where I'm at right now headspace-wise, but I'm gonna give it a try!

The common denominator over the past weeks is that I've been feeling tired and depleted. I'm leaking energy and unable to refill it quickly enough, due to a couple of reasons:

Work/money 💸 : I work about 25 hours a week, divided over both a bartending and a catering job. Beside that I try to go busking twice a week. Even though I enjoy all three of those things most of the time, I can't deny that they are tiring. Especially the catering job, since the service they aim to provide is a bit more high-end. And even though I clearly need my down time, I constantly feel like I'm not working enough. That road trip wasn't cheap, and, having been brought up Dutch, I felt (and still feel, frankly) the need to replenish my funds asap, which is hard to do when 1 grocery run of a couple of essentials costs me a day's wages, and my weekly(!) rent is $165, excluding power etc. That brings my monthly rent to ~$719, which equals about €417, and that's only because the Aotearoa Dollar isn't doing great at the moment. It's worth noting this is by far the cheapest room I could find (anything under $200 a week is a steal). Te Whanganui-a-tara is generally not a cheap place to live. Every time I feel like I'm gaining some ground financially, something comes up, like a broken amp for busking that needs replacement, or a week of few work shifts. I haven't managed to break even since I got to the country. I'm hoping I might manage this month, but I'm nowhere near saving any substantial amount.

Living situation 🏠 : my new living space is much closer to everything, which saves me time energy and money in bus fares, but it's not a house I'd call home, unfortunately. My flatmates are messy and unorganised (which, as I have learned today, attracts pests), and often fail to understand that loud noises (like them throwing up in the bathroom at 03:30 AM) aren't magically stopped by a half-closed door. I tend to be on edge when I'm home, which makes relaxing and re-energising a challenge. I try to make myself feel better by burning some incense and listening to music (nostalgic Dutch music if I can help it) with my noise cancelling headphones, which helps me feel more isolated and safe, but it's not a long-term solution.

Reflection 🪞 : being back in Te Whanganui-a-tara, I've gone right back to hanging out with settled people, even though I had a reminder of what it's like to chill with other travelers in Tāmaki-makau-rau. I don't really have as easy a way to get in touch with them here because I'm not staying in a backpackers. Because of that I think I've slipped into a strange limbo state of trying to feel at home here, and being bothered by failing at that, while simultaneously planning to get out of here. I find myself trying to build a life here as though I was in The Netherlands, and then realising that's not why I came here, and beating myself up about not making the most of my time here. Even though I did come here with the question in mind if this place could be home, so I should be evaluating that. But I'm pretty certain Te Whanganui-a-tara will not be home. So I tell myself to get out of here, but to do that I want to save up money, so for now I have to stay (though I'm starting to think I might be falling victim to a sunk-cost fallacy there). Besides that, my brain has just gotten moderately comfortable again in a new place, and is reluctant to mess everything up all over again. It's like when I left home I dipped my toes in the cold water of being on the road, traveling and the discomfort that comes with it, and then once I got here I quickly pulled back and said no, actually, this place is warm enough. But that won't do. It's interesting to observe though, and all the thoughts that come along with it. I'm having existential crises and revelations on the daily about what I want in my life, and realisations about what's important to me. I never used to have that back home. I did experience it on my last backpacking trip, but it's different this time. Last time I still had a clear path to return to: when the trip was over, I'd go to uni back home. Now, my future is one big question mark (not even talking about all the large scale societal threats). These questions and ponderings are a large reason why I wanted to go travel in the first place. But by god, it's exhausting. And scary.

I miss my family and my friends, I've started to realise how utterly alone I can feel here. I'm doing everything on my own, I'm dragging myself to work every day, I push myself to go out there and play music, I pick myself up when I'm a crying mess on the floor, I cook for myself, and I motivate myself to keep going, to evaluate what I want, and to find the next right thing. And sometimes I forget that that takes a toll on a person. I'm in an unfamiliar environment, with unfamiliar people, a whole new political climate, a different culture that undeniably has its own challenges, no matter how idyllic Aotearoa can seem from a distance.

And I'm actually goddamn proud of that. I'm strong. Because despite all of my challenges, I'm staying on top of everything. I'm never late for work, I answer all my emails, I pay weekly visits to the bank to exchange my busking coin, and I do my laundry. Go me 💪

So. What now?

I've been quite eager to find somebody to travel together with. I know public transport is very limited here, so traveling by car is pretty much a must. I am personally very uncomfortable in a car though, so I'm a bit defiant to give in. Driving is not my style, let alone flying short distances, and I feel like I would be able to get around without either of those. And I probably would, but it would make things a lot more difficult, that I can't deny. So if I have to drive, I would definitely prefer to have a travel buddy, so when the car breaks down we can panic together.

However, the other day a coworker asked me how I feel about traveling alone, and I told them I loved it. It's my favourite way to travel because you get to choose your own path and don't need to care about anybody else's plans… and then I realised I wasn't actually doing any of those things, and finding a travel buddy would completely defeat the purpose. A while back, I wrote an entry in my personal diary saying "I don't want to live in a city, I want a van with the back door opening to a sunset and a pillow and a cup of tea." So after talking to my friend yesterday, I did a full 180 and suddenly set my sights on trying to procure a van for myself. And even though it scares the absolute shit out of me to the point where the thought actually makes me cry, it also looks 100 times sunnier (metaphorically, it's 100% winter over here) in my mind than any of my previous plans. Only now I'm realising that my plan of getting a rideshare to the next town and doing the same thing there actually made me dream about going back home. And that's not the way I want to feel.

The past days I've felt sick so I've allowed myself to lie in bed and rest up (dw, covid test came back negative), but the coming week I'll hopefully actively start the hunt. My mind still swings back and forth between 'driving around in a van is an absolute dream' and 'driving around in a van is my worst nightmare', so I'm just letting it swing and I'll see where it lands, I suppose!

I've needed the past month to figure myself out. It's funny how, looking back, it feels like I've been wasting time here. Now that I have a bit of an idea of a next step, it's easy to forget what it was like not to know, and it seems like I've been making the wrong choices by letting myself get tired and depleted and have not the best time here. But rationally I know that every day I've spent here has been necessary to get me to where I am now. It's just like when I'm sick and I spend a day resting, and then I feel better, and it seems like there was no reason why I couldn't have been productive that day. But the rest is an essential part of the process, as much as perfectionism tries to deny that. So I'm giving myself positive affirmations and biding my time (and basking in Eurovision distractions 🤩) until I feel energised again!

Some happier notes because I can't help it:

Like I mentioned, the amp I used for busking broke so I needed to get a new one, and opted for the Vox Mini3 G2. It's a kilo lighter and almost twice as small as my old one, which has ultimately made my busking experience a lot nicer!

I made a necklace out of the pumice and sand from the beach of Taupō-nui-a-Tia and I'm actually really happy with how it turned out:

I paid another visit to Zealandia and got a closer look at the Takahē, I'm BEGGING you to turn the sound on and hear the little noises they make:

We went to Red Rocks at night to see the Southern lights, but they weren't visible with the naked eye. My friend's camera captured this though:

I'm off to bed now, I have another long day of work waiting for me tomorrow. Thanks for bearing with me ❤️

[skiimbii]

> dead stars + the 1st law

I've saved up a couple of these over the past few months in a notebook, but it's sometimes hard to remember the entire idea when it's been so long. This one came to me eating breakfast, thinking about all of the different fandoms I've left over the years. Fond memories! Except for the embarrassing ones, haha.

The first law of thermodynamics states that energy can't be created or destroyed, simply converted from one form to another. I'm sure this is something that many people learn in grade school and then forget. Additionally, if you somehow took a class or watched a documentary where they talk about space, you might know about the star death cycle (or, if you watched, like, interstellar. I'm not sure if they discuss that there). This is about writing, so why am I mentioning physics? I wasn't even very good at science - but it's because of fandoms. Dead fandoms, specifically.

I don't believe that dead fandoms are as common as people make them out to be. To me, a fandom is only truly dead when it has reached a complete zero - no fans, no new material, no attention or movement in any way whatsoever. As long as one person is still there, being a fan of something, it's still kicking! Someone still loves it. And that takes a very long time, for the most part. If it's on the internet, it's going to find its way into someone's view, even if it's been years since it was released. Plus, social medias have a way of making the most random bullshit trend, so who's to say that it won't have a resurgence years or decades after the fire has died down (think about things like remakes)? Not to mention that creators are also often fans of their own works.

So, if what normally constitutes a 'dead' fandom doesn't apply in these conditions; then what exactly are these 'dead' fandoms? If they're not dead, what sort of fucked up schrödinger's cat are we keeping in that box? I've created a couple of different categories, because just saying that they're not dead isn't enough for me.

They're not dead, just colder (Neutron Star): you were used to seeing this fandom always at the top of the trending tabs, fans always popped up under the most random shit, and now? It's like they never even existed! Once in a blue moon you'll see a profile picture of it, but it's rare. That doesn't mean that the fandom is dead. A lot of fandoms are like fireworks; they burn hot and bright, only to fizzle out fast and suddenly. It usually results from that fandom having an unnatural boom in popularity. Most people don't fixate on things for too long, and move along with the trends. Not dead!

They're not dead, just older (White Dwarf): the most common type of dead fandom, but the quietest. Usually, it stems from the lack of new content from the creator(s). Nothing crazy, and it's just part of the natural cycle that fandoms take - nothing can keep intense momentum forever, after all. The dedicated fans stay, but there's less overall hubbub. Not dead!

They're not dead, just cancelled (Black Hole): I've seen a crazy uptick in fandoms that end this way over the last few years. The creator does something that causes them to be cancelled en-masse online, and as a result many people jump ship, or the media becomes really shit. Funnily enough, this type is the closest to death. No one wants to stay in company that has been written off by most of the internet, and the ones who stay usually support their wrongdoings or are just children (ie. easily manipulated). Unfortunately not dead!

There's usually a mix of these three types that make up the reasons why a fandom 'dies' in the public's view, because death isn't an easy thing to figure out the cause of. I'll circle back to the title of the post now, so this all makes sense; new energy cannot be created, only converted into other forms. A star will die, but how fast that end comes is decided based off of its size. What the fuck have I brought these two ideas to the table for? (I promise it's not just to give my categories cute star-related names.)

Fandoms don't really die. I mean, you think about whatever kid's show you were really into as a kid, and you might not be a fan, but you still think of it fondly, no? Death is such a difficult thing for a fandom to reach, because it's less about dying and more about forgetting. Whatever old enthusiasm you had about that thing doesn't die, either. You don't forget how to feel excited over things that are up your alley, do you? It just changes forms, into a new fandom, into something that might be similar but better. It's not a new concept I'm talking about here, it's just thermodynamics.

Stars die, but it's not like they cease existing. They don't poof away - there are different forms they can take, but they're all corporeal in some way. They're all still there. It's the same way with fandoms, I think. The content is still there, so it's not really dead, because it's not really forgotten. The form that they take in the end, whether cancelled or hated or beloved, it's different but it's still a star. Their remains might be used to build new stars, new galaxies that needed that fuel source that will eventually become long forgotten. It may make a vacuum that consumes everything in sight, until something else comes to fill its place. The process to that death takes millions of years. It's all so interesting and terrifying and makes you think that maybe it's not worth it to be near a star at all.

I'm leaving this off with a note of encouragement, as someone who's written a lot of original stories that never got attention, characters that were scrapped or dumped on me 'divorce-custody of the kids-style', fandoms that I've left; it's so worth it to waste that time. There's no such thing as destroyed energy and there's no such thing as wasted time when it's something you enjoyed doing. Join whatever fandom you want at whatever dedication level you wish to give it. It's all here to have fun with, anyways. Art is here to make us feel. It wants to be remembered. Your art isn't dead, as long as you're still a fan of it. Your OC doesn't die until you tell them to.

I got the last half of the title of this from the last two songs on Muse's The 2nd Law album. The first half comes from Muse's song Dead Star, on an EP album of the same name. Give them a listen, if you want!