#i'm still awake and although i *know* physically i'm tired

[bubble--c]

insomnia is such a bitch

[pedrospatch]

baby, i’m yours

Jackson! Joel Miller x Female Reader

summary: You remind Joel that you’re his.

warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI. READER HAS NO PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION however she does wear Joel’s t-shirt and he semi lifts her onto a counter? sorta but not really? UNSPECIFIED AGE GAP (Joel is in his 50’s but reader’s specific age is not mentioned). established relationship, sort of. consumption of food (if you are allergic to peanuts, i so sorry). angst, Joel and Ellie’s strained relationship is lightly implied, Joel is insecure, it’s implied reader did some horrible things in her past, reassurance, brief smut, unprotected p in v sex, creampie, consider it a quickie idk. apologies if i missed anything.

word count: 2.6k

a/n: this short lil thing has been sitting in my drafts forever. i finished it while i was in ireland and finally had the chance to sit down and do a quick edit and when i say it was quick, i flew through it so i could hop onto my next wip so please excuse any errors! here’s a spotify link to the song if anyone’s curious, it’s an oldie but a goodie although it may not be everyone’s cup of tea.

main masterlist l fic notifs

Joel rolls over in bed, his arm outstretched and seeking the warmth of your soft, naked body.

“Mmph,” a small, sleepy groan falls from his lips as his long, thick fingers feel around on your side of the bed—of his bed. Of course, you have your very own bedroom in the house you all had been placed in when you first arrived in Jackson. Your very own bed to sleep in is just down the hallway, but lately, you’ve been waking up beside him a lot more often than not, especially now that Ellie’s a bit older and she’s gone and made herself her own space out in the garage behind the house. Being under the same roof as Joel did those two more harm than it did good, and while you missed having her around, it was for the best.

“She’ll come around, Joel,” you’d assured him. “I know she will. She just needs a bit of time is all.”

“Hope you’re right, darlin’,” he had murmured sadly in response.

Still lost somewhere in between sleep and full consciousness, Joel continues feeling around for you, but all he finds are the wrinkled sheets, cold and abandoned. Confused, his eyes finally flutter open and with a painful protest from his sore, stiff back, he sits up, blinking furiously as he looks around the darkness of his bedroom. The door’s been left cracked open ever so slightly, and as his vision adjusts now that he’s fully awake, he notices the dim glow of the hallway light that’s peeking through into the room.

He turns and glances over at the old digital alarm clock perched on his nightstand, the obnoxious, bright red numbers practically screaming at him that it’s a quarter past midnight. With a small, tired grunt, Joel switches on the lamp beside the clock and swings his legs over the side of the mattress, goosebumps erupting across his flesh the instant that his bare feet meet the cold, hardwood floor. He stands and fumbles around for his clothes, which he’d tossed carelessly somewhere over his shoulder hours earlier when he’d been lost in the heat of the moment with you. He finds his faded, navy blue sweatpants strewn across a chair next to the door and pulls them on over his naked lower body before searching for his t-shirt. When he doesn’t immediately see it, he doesn’t bother, figuring that it’s just going to come back off when he climbs back into bed with you.

Padding out of his bedroom, he makes his way down the hallway, heading towards the staircase. As he draws closer, he hears it—the soft music that’s coming from downstairs.

Baby, I'm yours

and I'll be yours until the stars fall from the sky

yours until the rivers all run dry

in other words, until I die

He’s led towards the kitchen and that’s where he finds you.

Joel wants to be annoyed. 

Fuck, he tries to be annoyed. But he can’t help the way that the corners of his mouth threaten to turn upwards when his eyes take in the sight before him.

You’re standing at the center island slowly swaying your hips from side to side along to the beat of the song that’s playing from the record player perched next to the instant coffee maker on the counter behind you. He’d nearly wrung your neck when he found out what all you had traded just to get your hands on it, but you loved that thing more than life itself it seemed, so he couldn’t stay mad for very long. You’re making yourself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich—the peanut butter you’d learned how to make yourself with the old food processor he found deep in one of the kitchen cabinets, and the strawberry preserves you had picked up from the market earlier that week. Clad in nothing but his t-shirt, you’re singing along quietly to the lyrics as you finish making your late night snack.

Baby, I’m yours

and I’ll be yours until the sun no longer shines

yours until the poets run out of rhyme

in other words, until the end of time

Joel leans against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his bare chest as he watches you carefully lick the remnants of peanut butter off of the knife you’re using before setting it down on the counter. You then pick up the two pieces of bread and slap them together—you’d also learned how to bake homemade bread using some old nineties cookbook you had found in the commune’s library. Your sourdough is the reason he had to go up a notch in his belt.

Sandwich in hand, you do a little spin, humming happily as you take your first bite.

Joel loudly clears his throat from the doorway.

Startled, you whirl around and freeze, your eyes wide.

“Enjoyin’ yourself there, darlin’?” He asks amusedly as he approaches you.

“Jesus Christ! You scared me, Joel!” You hiss at him. You then realize what time of night it is and a look of guilt crosses your features. “Oh shit. I’m sorry, did I wake you up? I honestly thought that I had the volume down low enough in here—”

Frowning, you turn around and reach towards the record player to turn the music off, but much to your surprise, Joel stops you. “No, s’okay. I woke up on my own,” he assures you. “I reached over for you and you were gone.” The admission slips before he can even think to stop it. He notices how taken aback you are by what he’d just said and quickly asks, “What’cha doin’ up so late, anyway?”

“I was hungry,” you tell him, sheepishly holding up your food. You always have one hell of an appetite after Joel was through fucking you senseless. You take another bite and offer it to him. “Want some?”

“Sure.”

He accepts and takes a corner of the sandwich before handing it back to you. His fingers brush against yours and his face burns at the contact.

Fucking Christ. 

You’re standing there in nothing but his fucking t-shirt after he had, yet again, made you his in his own fucking bed, and that’s what gets him?

Truth be told, the only time he holds your hand is when he’s inside of you—his fingers lace with your own as he comforts you and praises you for being such a good girl for taking his cock the way you do.

For being so, so fucking good for him.

He’s thought about taking your hand in front of others. Particularly when he notices the way some of the men in town stare at you. Joel wants to make it known that you’re already spoken for. Only, you’re not spoken for, not really. 

You’re his, but you’re not really his. It’s not that he doesn’t want to take the leap and acknowledge the two of you are far more than just patrol partners, far more than just two people who fought like fucking hell to get some smart assed teenager—and the world’s only hope for a cure—across the country.

He feels undeserving of it. Of you and your heart.

Several seasons had come and gone since you’d both arrived in Jackson with Ellie in tow, and somehow, Joel still can’t fathom what you’re doing by his side. She’s out of the house now and there’s nothing tying you to him, so why are you still here?

He’s so much older. Closer and closer to being on his way out, while you still had your entire life left ahead of you. He’s worn down, hardened from the post outbreak world. And you, you hadn’t lost any of your softness, your sweetness. Not even after the things you’d been forced to do to survive because of him.

You could meet someone younger, someone closer to your own age. You could marry, even start a family. You could be with someone who could give you a good life, the life you deserve.

The life that he’s too fucking broken to give you.

“Joel?” Your voice breaks into his thoughts. “Hey. Are you okay?”

“Yeah. M’fine.” He gestures to the record player with a nod of his head. “Y’know, this song’s older than me. By a few years. Came out in the early sixties.”

Joel half expects you to make some wisecrack joke and tease him over his age like you have done in the past—especially when the kid would get you going. Instead, he watches you set what’s left of your sandwich down and brush the crumbs from your hands before holding one of them out to him.

Confused, he stares at it for a moment before his dark eyes meet yours. “What are you doin’?”

“Dance with me,” you say, smiling at him.

“You’re fuckin’ kiddin’ me, right?” When he realizes you’re being serious, he shakes his head. “Y’know I don’t—I can’t dance.”

Dropping your hand back down to your side, you turn around and flip the record, starting the song over again before whirling back around and taking Joel’s hands in yours.

“Just follow my lead,” you tell him as you place them on your waist. Your own hands settle themselves on his broad shoulders, his skin warm beneath your fingertips. “Don’t overthink it.”

“You’re fuckin’ ridiculous,” Joel grumbles underneath his breath, however he finds himself moving along with you without further protest. Subconsciously, he pulls you closer against him as the two of you slowly sway from side to side along to the beat of the music. He chuckles, “Y’know we gotta be up at the asscrack of dawn for patrol, right?”

“And your point is?” You rest your head on his shoulder and exhale a soft, contended sigh.

Joel’s lips threaten to pull down once more.

Could it be that you’re actually content with him?

Head still on his shoulder, you sing along softly with Barbara Lewis. 

“I’m gonna stay right here by your side

do my best to keep you satisfied

nothing in this world can drive me away

‘cause every day you'll hear me say…”

It quickly becomes too much for him. Joel’s hands leave your waist. Taking your wrists, he tugs your arms from around his neck and gently pushes you away from him. “Why?” he finally asks the question that’s been hanging off the tip of his tongue for the better part of the last three years. “Why me?”

You stare at him, puzzled. “What?”

“Why me?” he repeats himself. “Why me when you can have anyone else—”

Your reply is prompt and you say it so simply.

“Because I don’t want anyone else.”

“You deserve better.”

You peer at him curiously. “I deserve better?”

“You do. Ain’t got no business being with someone like me. After all the terrible shit I’ve done—”

“I did the same exact shit, Joel. Sometimes I did even fucking worse.” Somehow, softness laces your tone. You have never been angry with him and you weren’t about to start now. “What makes my hands any cleaner than yours?”

Joel begins to sputter. “M’older than you. Much older. Should’a been a lot more careful. Should’a done more so you didn’t have to do those things.”

His hands still curled around your wrists, you reach up and gingerly cradle the sides of his face. He winces, but then quickly melts into your touch, the very same touch that could heal his wounds, if only he would allow it.

“I made my own choices,” you remind him, quietly. Neither of you realize the music has stopped. “Quit acting like blood doesn’t stain my hands too because it does.”

His lips press into a tight line. “Blood stains your hands ‘cause of me. S’my fault. I was responsible for you. I was s’pposed to take care of you. I didn’t protect you the way I should’ve.”

You sigh.

“When are you going to stop blaming yourself, Joel?”

The muscle in his jaw ticks as it clenches. He averts his gaze, his eyes falling to the floor. He doesn’t answer.

You stroke the scruff of his beard lightly with your thumbs. “When are you going to stop thinking you’re not good enough for me? What’s it going to take for me to prove to you that you are all I could ever need and want?”

“You’re just wastin’ your fuckin’ life on me, darlin’. S’the truth and you fuckin’ know it as well as I do.”

Pulling your wrists out of his hands, you pivot on your heel and suck in a sharp breath, stubbornly blinking back the tears stinging your eyes. You’re frustrated.

It cuts you to your very core to know the man you’ve grown to love more than anything and anyone else on what’s left of this fucking planet can’t see that he’s enough. He’s more than enough.

Joel bites back his own frustrated sigh. He knows he can’t rely on you to tell him, rely on the reassurance—he needs to do his part and believe it. If he keeps trying to push you away, he just may very well succeed one day. He will lose you.

After a moment, he walks up behind you and wraps his arms around you, his lips lightly brushing your neck. “M’sorry,” he mumbles, his own voice thickening as a lump forms in the back of his throat. He’s quick to swallow it down. “Jus’ have a hard time believin’ you’re mine. S’almost like my mind is lookin’ to prove me wrong.”

“But I am yours, Joel. I’m yours, I’m fucking yours.”

It’s more than just reassurance. It’s an oath, one you’ll honor for the rest of your life.

He holds you tighter. “Yeah?” He nips at the delicate spot right below your ear, his teeth scraping along tender flesh. “S’that right, baby? You’re all mine?”

“All yours,” you confirm breathlessly as his hands slowly begin trailing down the length of your sides, his fingers skimming the hem of his t-shirt.

Joel swiftly turns you around in his arms and slips his hand between your thighs. The next thing you know, he has you backed up against the counter and he’s shoving his sweatpants down, freeing his hard, thick cock. With one of your legs hooked around his waist, he buries himself into the warmth of your cunt and begins to deliver smooth, languid strokes.

“Say it again, baby,” he rasps into your neck. He coaxes your other leg up and around his waist and his large hands curl securely underneath your thighs as he bucks up into you. He’d deal with the back pain later. He pants, “Need—need to hear you say it, my sweet girl.”

You hold onto the countertop behind you as he fucks you, your fingernails digging into the laminated wood. “Fuck, I’m yours,” you moan into his shoulder. “I’m all yours, Joel. Oh fuck—”

You say it over and over again and he believes it.

He finally fucking believes it.

Sweet nothings fall from his lips with each thrust.

“S’lucky you’re all fuckin’ mine.”

“My beautiful, beautiful girl.”

“Gonna keep you for the rest of my fuckin’ life.”

When he spills into you, there’s no regret on his part nor yours. You’d always wanted to feel him come inside of you—secretly, so did he. Joel’s deep, guttural groans bounce off of the kitchen walls as your pussy fills with him, with all of him, taking as much as it can before he begins leaking out of you and down the insides of your thighs.

“Jesus,” he exhales. He dips his head for a kiss. “You’re all messy now, baby,” he mumbles against your lips. “How’s about we go upstairs and get back into bed so I can clean you up?”

Giggling, you mimic him and remind him of what he’d said earlier. “Y’know we gotta be up at the asscrack of dawn for patrol, right?”

Joel grins. “And your point is?”

You laugh again as he leads you out of the kitchen and back up to his bedroom—to yours and his bedroom.

[violetrainbow412-blog]

Day 30: forever?

Masterlist flufftober 🎃

TW: Mentions of schizophrenia. This would also qualify as hurt/comfort or flangst, but I wanted to write it anyway.

Spencer stared at the ceiling of his room in silence, lost in thoughts that seemed to tangle without remedy. He had been feeling this pressure in his chest for weeks, a fear he couldn't shake off, as if a shadow was relentlessly pursuing him. He knew it wasn't just stress, although that would have been the simplest explanation. This was something much deeper, darker.

His mind, always his greatest strength, now seemed like a source of fear, an invisible enemy haunting him with doubts and insecurities. The possibility of beginning to show signs of schizophrenia, like his mother, terrified him.

He picked up his phone, hesitating over whether he should call someone; whether he should call you. Your number had been there, patient, waiting for him to reach out, to ask for medical advice, a consultation… maybe even just to hear your voice.

He was so scared that he felt his hand trembling as he pressed the call button.

“Spencer?” you asked as soon as you answered. The warmth of your voice on the other end calmed him a bit.

“Hi, how are you?”

“Good, darling. A bit busy because I'm covering a shift in the ER and… ugh, everything is hectic.”

“Oh, then I'll let you go. I can call you later.”

“NO! It’s fine, it’s fine. My relief will be here in ten minutes; I can afford a moment of peace before that,” you murmured, sounding a bit tired. You fell silent for a moment. He said nothing. “Are you okay?”

He swallowed hard, noticing how the tension in his throat made it difficult to speak.

“I know you’re busy and I…” his breathing started to become erratic, despite his wishes. “I’m so sorry, but could you come? I just… I could really use someone to talk to.”

Hearing the tone of his voice, you agreed without hesitation, and an hour later, you were sitting on his couch, surrounded by the silence of his apartment. When you arrived, he didn’t say anything; just seeing his face and how he rubbed his eyes made you realize he was distressed.

Spencer didn’t even know how to begin. How could he explain the terror the idea of losing his mind caused him, of slowly crumbling without being able to do anything?

You didn’t pressure him. You just waited, giving him the time he needed, despite how exhausted you were from being awake for 20 hours. Finally, he took a deep breath and started to speak quietly:

“I’ve been… feeling strange. I’ve had horrible migraines and I thought that was nothing to worry about, but… lately I’ve been hearing things. Voices, whispers. And I see shadows where there shouldn’t be anything.”

His confession filled the room, dense as fog, and for a moment, he feared that you might feel uncomfortable, scared, as if sharing his fear made it more real. You had patients all the time, perhaps in worse conditions than he was, but all those ailments were physical; blood, fluids, skin… you didn’t deal with mental illnesses. Would you be afraid of him?

However, when he looked up, he noticed that you were simply looking at him with concern and tenderness. Despite the dark circles under your eyes, you regarded him with such kindness that he felt unworthy of it.

“How long have you been feeling this way?” you asked softly.

“For a few days… maybe a week,” Spencer sighed, feeling more vulnerable than ever. “My mother… you know what she…” he paused, unable to continue. He didn’t want to say it out loud, didn’t want to invoke the fear that gnawed at him inside. The possibility of also losing himself, like her, was an idea that paralyzed him.

You didn’t respond right away. Instead, you reached out and intertwined your fingers with his. The warmth of your skin anchored him, a reminder that he wasn’t alone, that there was still something real and solid in his life. He remembered the last time he had felt that certainty, many years ago, when they were just kids.

The memory took him back to that day in the park. You were just two children sitting on a bench, the sky clear and the sun shining down on you. Spencer had been strangely quiet, lost in thoughts that seemed too big for his age. His mother had just gone through a very strong episode, and although he didn’t fully understand what it meant, he could feel the fear in his chest, a fear that seemed to settle in his bones. You had noticed his worry, and he, not knowing how to express it, ended up confessing his fears and doubts to you.

“What if something bad happens to my mom?” he had said softly, his gaze fixed on the ground. You had looked at him with that seriousness that only children can have, and without saying anything, you extended your pinky toward him.

“I’ll always take care of you, Spencer,” you told him as if making a sacred promise. He had entwined his pinky with yours, seeking that security that only you could give him.

“Forever?” he asked, unsure if you could keep such a big promise.

You nodded without hesitation.

���Forever.”

Returning to that memory brought him a little peace, a reminder that someone was willing to hold him, to be his refuge. Now, years later, you were by his side once more, fulfilling that promise you seemed to have made a lifetime ago.

Suddenly, he found himself in the present, gently squeezing your hand. The tears had already begun to slide down his cheeks, and he felt so lost… so vulnerable.

Of course, you weren’t going to demand medical details from him at that moment; you were exhausted from attending to patients and knew that what he needed now wasn’t an evaluation, but simply the company of a friend.

“I don’t want to end up like her,” he whispered, not looking at you, his voice broken.

“Spencer,” you replied firmly, taking his chin between your fingers and looking him directly in the eyes, “You don’t have to face this alone. I’ll help you with whatever you need.”

The certainty in your voice was so solid that he felt a part of his anxiety begin to dissolve. But still, the insecurity persisted, a shadow he couldn’t ignore.

He hesitated for a moment before whispering, barely audible:

“Forever?”

You didn’t remember that childhood promise made so many years ago, but at his question, you looked at him with a soft smile and squeezed his hand again.

“Forever,” you affirmed, without wavering.

Spencer felt his shoulders relax at hearing you. That simple word, laden with an unbreakable promise and loyalty, was all he needed at that moment. There were no medical exams, studies, or therapies that could compare to the peace he felt hearing you reaffirm that you would never leave him. Since childhood, he had treasured in his memory the recollection of your pinky intertwined with his when his whole world seemed about to fall apart; now he felt the same, and you were still there.

He allowed himself to release a trembling sigh, and without saying another word, you wrapped your arms around him, drawing him into a warm, firm embrace.

Spencer felt himself crumble at the contact, finally letting go of all those repressed emotions. He held onto you with a mix of desperation and relief, hiding his face in your neck, seeking in your closeness the comfort he had longed for in silence.

The tears flowed freely now, and he stopped fighting against them. It was strange; he used to be the most reserved person, the most contained, but with you, he allowed himself to be vulnerable, human. He knew you could bear his pain without judging him, without being scared. He entrusted you with his deepest fear, and you didn’t leave him alone in the middle of the storm.

You both stayed like that, embraced in silence for long minutes. He felt the weight of his anxiety and fear of illness beginning to give way little by little. The sensation of being held, of being accepted with all his flaws and fears, made him feel less fragmented, less scared.

Eventually, exhaustion began to take its toll on you. After so many hours of work and the emotional effort of comforting Spencer, your body gave in, and you let yourself fall gently against him. Unbeknownst to you, you started to drift off to sleep, and he noticed as your breathing slowed and your weight relaxed in his arms.

Realizing you had succumbed to fatigue, he smiled, touched and grateful to have you by his side. The anguish he had felt all night faded a bit more as he settled in, carefully holding you, protecting you just as you had done with him moments before.

And so, with you asleep in his arms, he felt the darkness that had been looming over him retreat a little; just a little. In that moment, everything seemed more hopeful, less fearsome. He closed his eyes, and for the first time in weeks, felt that maybe he could face his fears. Because, after all, he had someone who would fulfill that promise of being with him forever.

[luciferlightbringer]

Love in a Hopeless Place

Chapter 12

Hey! I'm so sorry that this chapter took a while! This week was a lot and smut takes a lot of energy for me to write because I care about the details and all. But now it is here! Also, I was gonna put a more cute/loving gif of Lucifer for for this one but then I saw this was and I couldn't stop laughing, so here we are. Enjoy~

Chapter 11|Chapter 12 (FINAL CHAPTER)

Lucifer x prostitute fem!reader Word Count: 5.3 k CW: Slowburn, Angst, Prostitution, Hurt/comfort, trauma, fluff, depression, anxiety, insecurity, kissing, SMUTTTT (penetration, oral, handjobs, sub/dom, sex toys)

By the end of the day, all your things had been moved over to the hotel. Lucifer had offered to put your things in his room, but you had asked for your own, both because you wanted to have your stuff separate for now... and part of you wanted a separate place to be if you after Lucifer ever had issues come up. You didn't anticipate it happening, but the anxiety that came with a new relationship, especially your first healthy one, left you needing some time to adjust. Lucifer, being the good man that he was, respected it, but not without a little pouting, but you reassured him that you would still be spending every night sleeping by his side.

By the end of the day, you were tired, and honestly, so was Lucifer. The physical and emotional toll of the day had caught up to the both of you and you went to bed early that night. Snuggling up in each other's arms.

The next morning, Lucifer woke up early, excited, with a plan for the day. Lucifer got up and got dressed for the day, gave you a swift kiss on the lips as you laid half awake in bed and whispered, "I have some things I need to do today, but see you later. Ok? You're booked out with me starting dinner time, got it?" You nodded sleepily. He kissed you again, deeper this time. "I love you, Duckie." And then he left to go pick up supplies for his plan with you later.

A little bit later, you finally woke up and laid in Lucifer's- Lucifer and YOUR's bed... that would take some while to get used to. You heard a faint sound of commotion down in the lobby. You decided to get up to see what all the commotion was about, throwing on a basic shirt and shorts. It had been forever since you had gotten to have a slow day and wear clothes that weren't required to make you look like a sex toy, the change was really nice.

You skip downstairs to come face to face with a couple of familiar faces... some of your friends from the brothel! Gemma, Natalie, and Katrina, had all come also wanting to move into the hotel and give redemption a try. They saw how Lucifer and the others had fought for you, and they wanted in on that kind of support, even if they were still going to work at the brothel. You hugs them all and cried happy tears.

"You, uhhh... wouldn't be willing to spare one more hug, would ya, Babydoll?" You turned around at the familiar voice to see Larry standing behind you.

"Larry!" you hugged him, "What are you doing here?"

"Well.." he said sheepishly, "Truthfully, I've been losing the heart to run that brothel over the last several decades... Although business is already up a lot since it got out the Lucifer used my place, haha! We will see what happens... I am still running it, but... I might not be trying to find any new girls is all. Learning about this hotel here... gave me something else to try out... if... you are ok with me being here... that is..."

You smiled at Larry and hugged him again, "Of course I am! Every sinner is welcome here! Just one thing though... my new boyfriend might not be too fond of you calling me Babydoll anymore."

Larry laughed, "Fair enough, wouldn't want to upset him, I already know what that looks like, yeeshh," he said playfully pulling at his collar, "How about just 'doll'?" You nodded with a laugh, "That should work". You helped Larry and the other girls move in most of the day. Luckily you were distracted enough that you did not see Lucifer pop in and out the the hotel several times with supplies.

Eventually it came dinner time and you went off to your own room, to shower and get dressed for the event with Lucifer that night. You walked into your room to find a beautiful black and red dress with matching shoes and a bag next to it with a note saying:

Got you a little something for our first official date, I hope you like it. Love, Luci <3

Your heart swelled, you had no idea how your life had ended up like this, but you were the happiest you had ever been. You sighed happily and went to take a quick shower, did your hair with simple makeup and put on the dress. It fit your dimensions perfectly, like scary perfectly, and had no tag.

Did he have this made for you? This was going to be a lottttt to get used to, you were dating a King. Oh my god, you were dating a King. No... you were dating Lucifer, he could have been a sinner just like anyone else and it wouldn't matter to you. He could fall to an even darker pit of Hell and you would follow him. This must have been how Lilith felt all those years ago. You finished getting ready and you heard a knock on your door at your usual time.

You went to go open the door and saw Lucifer standing in front of you, wearing a more simple suit that was still just as sexy as his normally outfit, but with more black and red details to match you. As you catch his view, he catches yours, and you both look at each other with jaws agape as you take in each other's beauty. Lucifer was so happy that the dress fit you, and in all. the. right. ways. He gave you a prideful smile.

"I'm glad I got the measurements correct," he said with a smirk.

"So it was custom made, how did you know my dimensions?" you smirked back at him.

Lucifer raked his eyes up and down your body, "I'm just... good with spacial awareness." He wiggled his eyebrows.

You chuckled and nodded with a cheeky smile, "Wow, I never thought such a nerdy sentence could sound so hot~" you purred.

Lucifer got a little flustered, "Oh shut up," he grabbed your hand and putted you into a deep kiss. You two stood in the kiss and embrace for a few minutes before Lucifer pulled away, breathing heavily.

"I don't want to get too ahead of myself, we have an itinerary to keep to" Lucifer says as he taps his cane on the floor. Before you can ask what he meant, he teleports the both of you to a secluded room with large windows that overlook the Pride Ring, music softly playing in the background, Swan Lake.

You looked at the view and smiled, "All this for me?" you ask.

"Oh this is just the beginning of our night, my love. And yes, you deserve this and much much more," he kissed both of your hands before taking you to your chair. You and Lucifer ate dinner together, spent hours listening to music, flirting, and eventually got up and started dancing together. This made Lucifer think about how things used to be with Lilith, but he could appreciate that it was different, it was with you.

He dips you and kisses you deeply, running his hands down your frame. His body had been aching for yours all day during the preparations for the night, but he knew he had to be patient just a little longer. We wanted so desperately to claim you, but also, to fill you with all the love and pleasure that he could muster. It was the least you deserved.

Lucifer pulls his head back to be able to look at you as you look up at him, his eyes full of love as he smiled down at you, "I love you my darling, and from this day on, I will make sure you never go a day in your life where you doubt that."

You felt tears well in your eyes, "I love you too, King of Hell, King of my heart. I will do everything in my power to be by your side and love you." You kiss him again as he ends the dip, standing you back upright.

"Are you ready for the rest of the evening?" He said with some flirty mischief in his eyes, wiggling his eyebrows again.

You tuck a strand of hair behind his ear, "Oh I am."

Lucifer tapped his cane and you both teleported back to the hotel, in front of your door. "I have one more outfit for you tonight, get changed and come to our room in ten minutes," he asked trying to hide the excitement in his eyes at his plans for you. You nodded.

Lucifer kisses you again, deeper than all of the others, barely able to keep himself from taking you right there in the hallway. He parts and walks back to the room he called both of yours. You smiled and watched him walk away before going into your room. On the bed was another new outfit, who had put that there while you were gone? It was Angel, Angel wanted to help

On your bed, was a simple but elegant robe, the type of robe you would find at a spa or something, and nothing else. What was he up to? Before putting on the robe you also put on a set of lingerie that you had gotten a while ago, just for him to see if he had ever wanted to have sex with you back when he was still paying for your time, but now he got to see it for free, and that made you even happier.

You slipped on the robe, and after ten minutes, you walked down to your shared room with Lucifer and knocked on the door. Lucifer called for you to come in, and you opened the door to the room filled with lit candles, rose petals on the floor, a table over on the side that had stuff on it covered in a cloth, and Lucifer standing near the side of the bed, also wearing a robe that matched yours, this hat and cane off to the side. All you were able to see was his chest exposed down to the V in the robe and his black arms up to his elbows and his black legs to to the knee where they started to transition to white.

You laughed as you walked into the room towards Lucifer, "What is all this?"

Lucifer looked you over, Hells he wanted to rip that robe off of you, "Well... I wanted this all to be special. I know I could just toss you on the bed and probably have my way with you but... I want this to feel different... I don't this to feel like just another job... I want it to feel like love."

His words left a pang in your heart, you got close and cupped his face "You don't have to do all of this for me to feel like that, everything about you makes this feel like love... frankly... I struggled most of the time to see you as just a client... after a while I hated that you were because I wanted for it all to be real."

"Just for both of us to find out it was real the whole time," he said as he nuzzled into your hand, "I love you, and I'm going to spend the reset of the night and every day after showing you just how much I do." Lucifer then pulled you into a deep kiss. Both of you start to explore each other's bodies with your hands a little before Lucifer stops you again.

"Hells, you make it so hard to stop, but I have a plan here," he clears his throat, he is already shaking a little out of excitement and nerves, "You have spent a lot time using your body for others and I want to make you feel good, so I was going to give to a message. Does that sound ok?"

You melted, hell he was sweet and really hot, how could he possibly get more hot? "That sounds amazing actually..."

Lucifer's eyes lit up, "Great! And then uhh... whenever we move on to other activities... I may have uhh... gone with Asmodeus to get like... a bunch of new toys! Hahah... we don't have to use them now, if you don't want to. I just wanted us to have options..." he said pointing over at the covered table on the side.

You looked over at the table and then back at him with lust and mischief filled eyes, tucking a hair behind his ear, "We should probably get the massage started before I start perusing those toys," you purred.

Lucifer's face turn red and his loins stir, he gulps hard as he walked you over to the bed. As you laid down, you looked at Lucifer as you slowly shrugged off your robe and tossed it to the side, leaving you in only your lingerie as you laid down on the bed with your back and ass to the sky. Lucifer raked his eyes across your body and gulped hard again, this is the first time he had seen you this exposed since the night you met, and the memories alone did not do you justice.

He jumped up on the bed beside you, swiping your hair away from your back and covering his hands in massage oil before starting to rub into your back, and beginning his goal of feeling every inch of your body with his hands. He started to work his way down your shoulders, neck, lower back, and it felt amazing for him to touch and for you to experience.

As he moved his hands around your curves, he looked for points of tension and pain, and used a little magic to help in aiding his hands in relaxing you and making your body feel good. His touch feels incredible to you, even without the magic, and you can't help but moan and sigh as he worked your muscles. The attention he gave your back alone was already enough to get you turned on, even though you already had been pretty turned of from all the kisses, but you felt yourself starting to get more wet.

Lucifer held back a moan as he hear you start to sigh at the pleasure of his hands on you. He loved that he was making you feel good, making you feel pleasure. He wanted to worship you, your body. Your body was the alter to the entity that he now wanted to worship for the rest of his life. He felt himself already start to get drunk off the feeling of your soft skin, your beautiful muscles and curves. His hands started to explore more down an arm, down to your hand, working at your palm and trailing kisses down from your shoulder to your wrist before moving to the other arm and repeating the process there before doing the same down each leg.

You continue to moan and sigh as he moved across your body. The massage felt so good but your pussy continued to ache for him, every time he got close to your entrance, you started to shake and moan more. This was not lost on Lucifer, he loved seeing you quiver beneath him, and he wanted to badly to just dive into you... but not quite... he needed to torture you a little more.

He quickly snapped the back of your lingerie top and before you had time to talk, he quickly flipped you over and got on top of you. He straddled you as he slowly undid the tie on the front of his robe and slipped it off of him, leaving him completely exposed above you. You were now able to see the entirely of his well sculpted body, chest, back, hips... and his cock that was already hard and erect for you. Hells it looked incredible, you just wanted it in... so many places... He gave you a long and passionate kiss, with some exchanging of saliva between your mouths, tongues exploring each other before he starts to work to massage to front of your body.

The touch on your front was much more sensual thought than it had been on your body. Lucifer slowly kissed down your neck, your collarbone, your chest, down to you breasts. Lucifer removed the lingerie top the rest of the way before massaging around your breasts, playing with your nipples, kissing and nipping around one, before putting his mouth on it and sucking on it. The nerves in your nipples felt like they were on fire and that each flick of his tongue made your loins start to throb as you groaned. You started to weave you finger though his blonde hair tugged at it a little. He took his time before moving over at repeating the process on your other nipple.

You felt like you were going crazy with lust at this point, you had never been so desperate for someone to enter inside of you. You opened your legs a little, hoping for him to take the hint to just dive in... to devour you.

Lucifer chuckled to himself as he felt your legs shift open, he decided it was time to start ending your torment. As he finished his attention on your second breast, he traced a hand down your stomach and down to your mound, moving the fabric of your thong out of the way before starting to tease your entrance.

You start to pant and groan louder, "Luci, baby please... Please touch me... put your fingers in me... I can't take it... Mmmm.... pleas-uhhH!!!!" You moan louder as he cuts you off mid-plea by sliding a finger into you, and starting to pump it in and out. He was now able to feel just how wet you were.

"Mmm, all of this wetness for me? With how much fucking you do, I wouldn't think you would be such a dripping mess for me, I'm so honored," he purred as he stared up at you from your chest, mischievous lust dancing across him face, burning in his eyes. Slowly, Lucifer added a second and then a third finger into your dripping hole as he continued to finger you and he continued to kiss and nip his way down your stomach and down your thighs. curling his fingers up into your G-spot making you cry out with pleasure.

As soon as his mouth reached your thighs, he removed his fingers, getting better access to bite and kiss his way up your thighs towards your dripping mound, he was pussy drunk just looking at your gorgeous entrance. He looked up into your eyes as be positioned his mouth just above your folds.

"Oh my love, every inch of you is the most exquisite and radiant treasure... are you ready for my tongue to ruin you?" Lucifer growled.

"Yes... Luci, yes please... ruin me... eat me..." you whispered.

Lucifer gave you a wicked smile, "Good... because I've been starving since the day I met you, and it's time for me to eat my fill." Lucifer then enclosed his mouth around your folds and starts to swipe his tongue up and down your entrance before plunging his tongue deep into you.

You let out a scream of pleasure as his tongue assaults your entrance, it was incredible and he had barely started. Every touch from him set your body on fire. You grabbed onto Lucifer's golden locks as he lapped at you with a vicious hunger, as if he had not eaten in eons and your juices were his only source of food. Your screams of pleasure made him rock hard and he started to grind his own crotch against the bed to alleviate some of the need.

Seeing this, you make the decision that you wanted to take a more active role in the pleasure. You figure out how to flip Lucifer on his back, which caught him my surprise, and then you crawled up onto him so that you were hoovering your pussy over his face and were able to get access to his dick.

Lucifer grinned wildly at the sight of your mound hoovering above him, and grabbed both of your thighs to encourage you down until his mouth locked onto your folds again and his tongue was about to gain access to the inside of you again.

At the same time, you reached down and grabbed his dick, which caused Lucifer to moan deeply beneath you. As you started to stroke him more, Lucifer moaned more, and started to thrust his hips up into your hand. You guys try to match each other's pace with each other's pace of licking and pumping.

Lucifer pulled out his favorite trick, which was elongating his tongue inside of you and snaking it around until he heard you sharply inhale, indicating that he had once again found the sensitive bundle of nerves inside of you. He locked in on that spot and gave it as much attention as he could muster, even though he was finding it a little harder to focus due to the incredible feeling of your gorgeous soft hands on his throbbing shaft.

You and Lucifer continued like this for a while, an symphony of moans and sighs building between the two of you until you couldn't take it anymore, you needed him inside of you.

"Luci... uhhh... baby I need you... Oh hells... I need to feel you inside of me.." You sighed. Without another thought, Lucifer moved his hands up to your stomach and pushed you back onto the bed. He flipped around and crawled up to you, giving you a deep and hungry kiss as he spread your legs apart, finally ripping off your thong completely and discarding to the side so that it would not be in the way anymore. You loved getting lost in the taste of your juices on his tongue.

He broke off for a moment, panting, readying himself, teasing his cock at your entrance. He looked up into your eyes, a fire raging of lust and love as he growled.

"I've wanted this since the moment I saw that gorgeous sinful body of yours, since the day that the divine powers made it so that you were the one that ended up at may door, above anyone else. And now here we are, you naked in my bed, begging to feel the blessings of my cock inside of you? Oh well then I will RUIN you like this every day for the rest of your life, you hear me? This is your eternal punishment now, in my bed, slobbering, drunk off of my cock. Now tell me, darling, tell me what it is you truly desire?!"

You cried out, "I want you to fuck me Lucifer Morningstar!"

And at that, Lucifer started to slide into your entrance. You both moan loudly as you make connection with each other. Lucifer could on contain himself as his wings started to unfold from his back as he railed you. He looked down to see your head thrown back and your eyes rolling, and again he could not contain himself as his demon form emerged. Horns sprouted from his temples, eyes red, claws sharp, and a sharp black tail twisted out from behind him and wrapped its way around one of your thighs.

You looked up to see the new view of his, his angelic an demonic combination of features were so beautiful and terrifying in the sexiest way possible. His hands glided and squeezed along your body, kissing your legs as he held them up. You felt yourself starting to unravel.

"Luci-, oohhh... baby... it's soooo goodd.... I... I'm gonnnaa..." you tried so hard to hold yourself together a little longer.

Lucifer looked down at you with red eyes and growled with a smirk, "Cum for me, baby... let me finally claim that pleasure of yours... I'm so close..."

At his encouragement and growl, you threw your head back and moaned loudly as you felt yourself completely unravel, cumming and contracting around his beautiful cock. As you scream and your walls tightened around Lucifer, he felt himself also come undone as he felt waves of pleasure take him over at he hit his climax, emptying himself into you.

Lucifer then collapsed and rolled over to you side to breathe, "That... was... amazing..." he gasped.

"Ya... it was... fuck..." you weren't ready to had your hands off of him. You pulled him close and started kissing and making out with him again. He rolled back into your embrace to kiss your lips. After a few minutes, hands started to trail around each other's bodies again and you both started to let kisses roam as your bodies grinded against each other. You guys were both ready for another round.

You took Lucifer's shaft back into your hand and you started to pump un and down on it, and it did not take long before it was rock hard again in your hands. You then flipped onto you hands and knees at you continued to stroke his cock, still glistening and wet from your juices. A bead of pre-cum started to form at the tip, which you swiped off with your tongue, causing Lucifer to let out a pitiful moan and grab onto your hair.

"Oh baby... please.." he begged. All of the dominance and power he had earlier was gone, leaving the submissive desperate man you remembered meeting the first night. This reminded you of your plan from that night, you eyes glittered with mischief.

You slid your mouth around the head of his mouth, swirling around the tip before taking as much for his dick into your mouth. Lucifer was already losing it at the tip, but when you dove deeper around him he let out a long pitiful moan.

"Fuccckkkkkkk babyyyyy... ahhhh!!!!" he cried. You continued to pump your mouth up and down his mouth, some times removing your mouth completely to lick up the side from base to tip, and taking his balls into your mouth before returned back to filling your mouth with his cock. After several minutes of this, you stopped and slipped you way off of the bed.

Lucifer looked at you confused and in a happy daze as you walked over the the covered table and removed the cloth. The table was filled with more toys than you had ever seen in your life. The options were limitless, but you were looking for one thing in particular. You scanned the table until you found that you were looking for.

You grabbed a strap on and held it up, and gave a sly smile over to your prey that was still a slobbering mess over on the bed. Lucifer's eyes lit up and he gave you a dazed nod. You then took the strap on and started to secure it to you before strutting back to the bed, letting the shaft sway from side to side.

Lucifer slipped off the bed and got in his knees in front of you, taking the plastic phallus in his mouth to kiss and suck on it as well as the surrounding skin of your hips. You enjoyed the view of Lucifer on his knees in front of you for a minute, before you reach down his hand to tip his face up and make him you up at you.

You smirked at his submissive gaze up at you, "Up. On the bed," you commanded.

Lucifer nodded and scrambled onto the bed on all fours, his back arched and and up and ready for you. You grabbed a small tube from the table before slowly making your way back to the edge of the bed, putting a dollop of lube on your fingers before starting to massage his entrance. He gawked and moaned in response, especially he you started to work a finger in, and then two. It had been forever since Lucifer had been pegged, and hell did he miss it. He loved being at someone else's command, not needing to think for a minute. It was pure bliss.

You then started to spread some lube around the plastic of the strap on tip and shaft, making sure there was enough as not to hurt him. You positioned yourself to tease his entrance while you reached forward and grabbed around his throat, pulling him back, and you whispered in his ear.

"Now... are you ready for me to take you back to Heaven, darling?" you growled in his ear.

"Y-yes... yes mommy," he whimpered before you let go of the grip on his neck and slowly eased yourself into him. Lucifer let out a long moan as you slid into him. He dropped back down to all fours, and as you started pumping, he matched your pace in response. He felt so full and high on the feeling of you inside of him. As he got used to it, you started to pump faster and faster, his moans getting louder and louder. You waved your fingers through his hair, griping it and pulling his head back as you railed him, the grip of his hair making him moan and cry even louder, tears of pleasure running down his cheeks. Lucifer reached down and started to stroke himself as you pounded him. You took his other arm and held it behind him, forcing his face with squish into the bedding, muffling his cries.

After a while, Lucifer couldn't take it anymore, "Baby...oh hells... I need... mmmm... I need to fuck you... I beg of you." It made you so wet to see him like this, to have this power over him and to be pleasuring him in this way.

You cocked your head to the side and stopped you momentum while inside of him, and you pull him back up so you could whisper in his ear, "What is the magic word, Luci?" you purred.

"Mmmm... ahhh... p-please?" she whined. You obliged, removing yourself and replacing him on the bed on all four. Lucifer made quick of work of getting you in the same position you had just had him in, but with both hands behind your back as he quickly entered you and began pounding you again, screaming and moaning. You were sure the whole hotel could hear you, but you guys didn't care. It didn't take long until you both were reaching climax again and came at the same time before falling on the bed again in an exhausted heap.

Once he caught his breath, Lucifer pulled you in close, to cuddle against your naked body. Your bodies felt like magic against each other. He wanted to do nothing else other than hold you the rest of the night, you guys had the rest of time to try out the rest of the toys. He found your hand and laced his fingers in with your as he looked in your eyes. All you saw in each other's eyes was love and joy.

"y/n, I love you so much. Now and forever."

"I love you too, Lucifer."

You pulled Lucifer into another passionate kiss.

As you drifted off you sleep in Lucifer's arms, you whispered "I'm so happy we found each other, found love... in a hopeless place."

THE END

(unless?)

______________________________________________________________

Thank you all so much for the love I have gotten for this story! This is beyond anything I ever thought I would see from this and I am so happy. Some people are interested in a 2-5 years later chapter, would anyone be interested in that? This would be a chapter 13 that I would probably be posted in a few weeks. Let me know in the comments. Also! I will be starting my next Luci x Reader story in a few days, "Talk to Me", which will focus on a Fallen Angel Reader. Let me know if you want tagged in Chapter 1 of that! xoxo, dany ❤️

Taglist:

@froggybich @wonderlandangelsposts @glowinthedarkbones1150 @marydragneell @crescent-z @superdinosaurnacho @jam0001 @kyo-kyo1 @so-get-this-sammy @tiredlillypad @kelppsstuff @loquacious-libra @pinkhoneydrop @luleck @writer-girl99 @lavenz @stormz369 @littleladydemon @soujiswife @melday0105 @luluxx118 @sseleniaa @futureittomainn @cktkat @zaneyyyy @uravitsy @liecoris @starlitvenus @hannahrose130 @elleofdragons @butch-medusae @concentratedconcrete @erosamasan @stranger-chan @lxkeee @holyspacething @hulyenl @leximus98 @lu-ferri12 @mixplara @katnisspeetaprim @rebecca-hvnstn @roboticsuccubus83 @nekemewlita @femboyfatalle @thelethex @cryptidghostgirl @snowlotr @bangchansdirty-slut @glowymxxn @mcueveryday @hotvillianapologist @oneiric-rotaerc @wolfdaddyalphasworld @sleepypottersworld @wisterialagoon @theredviolets @theperfectmangovoid @lemonmoonmochi @sapphireravensworld @ezi0724 @undertalephanjackandmark-blog @apatcheworkofproblems @aquaamethyst96 @sashaphantomhive @randomstranger703 @cherry-4200 @herbalsingularitea @sophiaj650 @cimadreamer

[xdjville]

wayv and their own love languages

pairing: wayv x gn!reader

cw: mentions of sex in winwin's (only in words, no descriptions), yangyang (half)jokingly being a hater in xiaojun's, proof read but i'm tired

author's note: i had to physically stop myself from getting carried away with kun's so it wouldn't end up twice as long as the others man i love him

#kun

quality time

if it wasn't for kun being so busy, he would literally be glued to you at the hip. only with you around he's able to truly relax, you're like a power outlet that he can use to charge his battery. what you're doing doesn't really matter to him that much, he will enjoy anything as long as you're there, but the slow, quiet moments when you're both in your own worlds have to be the ones he cherishes the most. of course, he loves going out with you and having a blast too, but something about those occasions brings him a sense of domesticity and really lets him unwind. like when you're both in his studio - him at the desk, composing or working on lyrics, while you're on the couch in the back with your laptop, focused on your own tasks, the silence being broken only the few times that kun asks about your opinion on whatever he came up with, or when you stand up to get a drink and place a kiss on his cheek as you walk by. or it could be him cooking dinner for the two of you, showing off his skills as you sit on the counter, humming quietly to his playlist playing in the background. every now and then he'd turn around to give you a piece of the food he's making for a taste test, repaying each good idea of how to improve the dish with a kiss.

#ten

thinking about you

ten is pretty much thinking about you every second that he's awake (and sometimes in his dreams, too), he's never not thinking about you. he often gets reminded of you by random things, whether because he thinks there's a visual resemblance (he then usually sends you a photo and a "you lol"), because it's something you like, or because it's somehow connected to a shared memory of yours. he brings you up in conversations a lot too, to the point where some of his friends seem to know you quite well without having actually met you. when he's travelling, he always takes many photos to send you along with voice messages about how his day went, and buys souvenirs or little trinkets to gift you when he's back. on the rare occasion when he's grocery shopping on his own, he makes it his mission to find all of your favorite snacks, which more often than not gets him distracted from the list you had put together for him, so you end up with a bunch of candy and no dinner (which is exactly why him shopping alone is a rare occurance). he also really likes putting together playlists with songs that remind him of you, some of them he'll send and give you access to, but there's also a few he made private which he listens to on days when the longing feels worse than usual.

#winwin

"i love you"

to most, it might seem like not that big of a deal, but to winwin those three words hold more meaning than all other existing ones combined. a meaning that's so important and valuable, binding even, that he uses them carefully and scarcelly in order to not abuse them. for most of his life they were reserved only for the closest family members, then, although in a different sense, also for his fans. saying them romantically for the first time was a whole new sesantion to him, and to be honest it still feels a bit foreign and uncomfortable. not because he doesn't love you, that he sure does and he makes sure to show that in other ways, but actually saying it out loud just makes him feel so bare and out in the open. hence his "i love you"s are usually muttered into the crook of your neck when you're pressed together after making love, breathed against your lips when he breaks the kiss only for a second so you can't see his face gaining more color than it already had, or whispered into your ear as he gently strokes the back of your head, your tears soaking into his sweater.

#xiaojun

sharing

xiaojun doesn't really do this purposefully, as a way to show his affection, it's just that the concept of "mine" and "yours" genuinely doesn't exist in his mind when it comes to you. want a bite of his food? it's yours as much as it's his. out of moisturiser? you probably use the same brand anyways. really like that one hoodie of his? might as well have been yours in the first place. he never expects the same behavior in return, he's totally fine if you value your privacy and he makes sure that you understand each other's boundaries, but he never lets go of that "what's mine is yours" mindset either way. xiaojun really enjoys showing you off ("shoving your relationship into people's faces", as one german boy likes to call it), so you wearing his clothes or jewelry is his absolute favorite thing ever. he then stares at you with heart-shaped, sparkly eyes, a wide, lovesick grin on his face, and the tips of his ears burning red (to the german boy's disgust).

#hendery

being vulnerable with you

very few people get to see the other side of hendery than the cheerful, quirky self that he usually is. the side that's exhausted and afraid, that pains and ugly cries. a lot of doors have to opened to reach it, but he trusts you more than anything and anyone, ever. he doesn't think he could be any more real and unfiltered as he is with you, it's almost like it's more comfortable than when he's all alone. when you're there, he can just let everything go and express his feelings in a way that's most true to himself, without faking or conceiling anything. all those nights he spent crying because of his past, present, and future, because of his fears and scars and sorrows, you've been there for him. and although in the morning when you're tangled in your sheets with puffy faces and dry skin either of you knows better than to mention whatever was said that night, he's truly, deeply grateful, and each time he makes a promise to himself that one day he'll tell you that.

#yangyang

kissing

yangyang's nothing if not a kiss person. it's his favorite thing in the whole world, to be able to just connect your lips until he forgets his own name because yours is all he can think about. little pecks, french kisses, make out sessions, spiderman kisses - you name it, he loves all of them and they're all his favorites, as long as it's you who's on the other end. you often try to push him away because you just ate something with garlic, or because you have yet to brush your teeth in the morning, but none of that really matters to him. in fact, he cherishes every sensation that comes with it, be it a taste of what you ate, the feeling of your dry lips when you forget to put on chapstick, or a string of saliva that keeps you connected after you pull away - god, that one makes him go weak in the knees. he especially likes when you take the initiative, it makes him feel loved and all warm inside (he would never admit that though). and if you lead the kiss, maybe a bit riled up from something happening at work or because you've missed him? oh, he's a goner.

#taglist ➼♡ @bambisnc

©xdjville

[emocowboylvr]

hii! would you be interested in doing a fic or headcanons about carl x narcoleptic!reader? it's just i never see it anywhere and i really struggle sometimes. you don't have to --just asking, but thank you. <3

Hi!! Yes of course. To do this i definitely had to educate myself a little further due to the fact that I only know the super basic information about narcolepsy. I'm happy to learn more and to do this for you!! (Also sorry it took so long.)

Thank you for requesting this and feel free to give me feedback and send more requests if you like this one.

CARL GRIMES X NARCOLEPTIC READER

Narcolepsy is tough to have during the apocalypse.

It’s important to be constantly alert and awake, but that’s just not something you could do. You often felt drowsy, if not completely exhausted or drained, and the consistent moving, running, and fighting definitely didn’t help.

When Rick and Daryl, while out on a run, found you alone in the woods one day, they brought you back to Alexandria, where you met Carl.

Since Carl was your age, the two of you became friends very easily.

At first, it worried Carl that you were so tired during the day and he suspected that there were further problems, such as you not being able to fall asleep at Alexandria for some reason, or even the possibility of you being sick.

When you became closer, he asked questions, and you told him that you were narcoleptic, which led to a long discussion and a learning opportunity for him because he was uneducated on the topic.

Since the apocalypse started when he was so young, he is uneducated on a lot of topics concerning disorders or anything medical.

When you started dating, he tried to understand more about it, but at first was a little confused. He would recommend things that you know wouldn’t help, but you still thought it was cute that he was trying.

He never got annoyed when you’d fall asleep during the day, not even a little bit. He’d just use it as an excuse to hold you.

Carl is definitely a physical touch kind of guy, though he doesn’t like to show it in front of other people.

When he’s near the group he’ll do very subtle things, like put the side of his foot against yours or his pinky finger through your belt loop. If he’s feeling touchy that day he might hold your hand in front of everyone. But in the seclusion of the two of you he’s all over you.

But his favorite form of physical contact: getting away from everyone else and finding a comfortable spot for the two of you two lay down, where he would allow you to fall asleep on top of him, while he flips through the pages of a comic book he’s already read a thousand times.

The sound of his thumping heartbeat could be heard in one ear and the faint sound of his breathing could be heard in your other. You had always thought that it helped you sleep easier. You felt like it kept you asleep and from waking up during the night so often and you didn't have as many nightmares.

Maybe you just told yourself that because you liked when he held you.

Carl also loves to have “sleepovers”, although he hardly sleeps. He isn’t an insomniac or anything, but he often has a hard time falling asleep. He keeps himself up with his thoughts. But the weight of your body on his, and your soft skin that he would very gently caress in order to not wake you, would help him relax.

Sometimes you’d wake up after a nightmare, very visibly upset. Being narcoleptic, you had them often, and the apocalypse and your traumas from it really made it worse.

Your sudden stirring in bed would wake him from his sleep, and every time he would pull you closer to him, lazily tracing circles over your back or running his hands through your hair. He would place soft, loving kisses on your forehead or the bridge of your nose, and very groggily he’d mumble something like “Come here, it’s okay” or “Go back to sleep, I’ve got you.” Before he’d fall back asleep himself, probably before you did.

Of course, like every other capable member in Alexandria, you had to pitch in, which you didn’t mind, but you had night watch, and god was it hard to keep yourself from drifting off. It was only for half the night once a week, but still torture nonetheless. The moonlit sky and the faint wind in your ears almost lulled you to sleep. Your eyelids would feel like they weighed ten pounds and your body would just beg you to let it rest. But you fought it.

You’d force yourself to pace around or sing a song you used to love to keep yourself from falling into the drowsy temptation.

Sometimes, when Carl couldn’t sleep he’d come out there with you and talk to you, and every once in a while, you couldn’t help but lean on his shoulder and shut your eyes.

Every now and then he’d come out there to talk to you and he'd have to watch you struggle to keep yourself awake. He just couldn’t let you fight yourself to keep your eyes open so he’d sneak you inside really quickly, tuck you in, and take your shift for you, even though he’s already done his.

I really hope this is good enough, and honestly, like I said, I'm still learning about narcolepsy, so feel free to tell me anything I could do differently!!

[yuly]

↬ Traffic Stop ↫

Aaron Hotchner (Police Officer AU) x female reader 

Summary: a traffic stop ignites something unexpected in Officer Hotchner 

Warnings: unsafe driving practices! minor curse words, use of km/h because I’m Canadian, fluff, hurt/comfort

A/N: I could not get this idea out of my head for a week straight, hope you enjoy♡

Pic credit: @maschotch​

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

You are driving home after your third 12-hour night shift in a row, feeling mentally and physically drained. Although the sun is far too bright, you find yourself fighting to stay awake and turn up the radio in an earnest effort to not fall asleep behind the wheel. You're daydreaming of a bubble bath and soft pyjamas when you notice flashing lights in your rearview mirror.

Shit

There's a cop car behind you, signalling for you to pull over. You wince at your dash as you realize you were going nearly 20km/h above the speed limit. 

Shit, shit, shit

This is your first time getting pulled over and you panic as you realize you’re way too exhausted to mentally cope with this level of stress right now. As you pull over, you silently pray that the ticket won’t cost you all that you've earned over the past 3 nights. 

The police officer approaches your car with steady steps as you roll down your window, counting backwards from 10 in your head.

“Good morning ma’am, do you have any idea why I pulled you over today?” he is tall, with an authoritative voice.

When you look up at him, the morning sun kisses your face, he can see the tired lines and bags around your eyes, but you look stunning regardless. He doesn’t show it, but he’s instantly taken aback by your beauty.

“Good morning officer, no I-I’m not sure. Sorry.”

Shit

You're starting to lose it on the inside. Why did you just lie? Of course you know why he pulled you over, what the hell were you thinking? 

He sighs slowly, and you feel your stomach sink, thinking it's a wrap for you and that he is totally over your bullshit. Little do you know that he’s sighing out of annoyance with himself for being so distracted by your looks.

“Ma’am, you were driving well above the speed limit. May I see your license and registration?”

“Yes, of course.”

Your mind is racing.  

Calm down Y/N, you know what he's asking you, you have both in the glove box, you can do this, you are an adult for God’s sake.

You hand over the documents and avoid meeting his eyes. 

“Thank you, Ma’am.”

Your mind is scrambled from exhaustion and momentary stress but you still have the capacity to register how good-looking the cop is. Despite the situation, something about his aura was pleasant, and now that he left your side, you feel uneasy. You shrug it off as a side effect of the stress you're under.

“Alright Ma’am, seeing as you have no previous offences, I will let you off with a warning this time.”

His gaze is firm but not unkind as he hands you back your documents

“Oh! Thank you, officer, thank you,” you exhale a breath you didn't realize you had been holding in.

“Are you coming from work? You seem tired.” he glances over to your hospital badge on the passenger seat.

You feel your face flush, slightly embarrassed.

“Yes sir, I'm coming off a night shift.”

He hums in understanding, “alright, well please drive safe and maintain the rules of the road for the rest of your trip home.”

“Yes sir, thank you.”

You smile graciously at him and he simply nods in response. Once you're sure he’s at his car your bounce in your seat out of joy, relief washing over you like a tidal wave.

As he walks towards his patrol car, Hotch can feel the dread in his stomach, he knows that your smile will haunt him for days to come. He finds himself on the side of the road for a solid 10 minutes, lost in thought, your eyes, your smile, your voice all swarming his mind. His radio comes on and he's pulled back to the dull reality of life without you. 

The months following the traffic stop are especially difficult for Hotch. He knows your first and last name, the make and model of your car, your license plate, your home address, and that you work in a hospital. Given his profession, he has the means to easily locate you at any moment, but he would never cross that line. Aaron Hotchner is an upstanding officer with firm morals, he has never been one to bend the rules or turn a blind eye, especially not for his own benefit. 

He knows the chances of running into you again are slim to none, yet he finds himself volunteering to patrol that same road for weeks on end. 

He has come to treasure that early morning interaction with you, every word branded in his memory, as he continues to hold onto the fleeting hope of ever being in your presence again.

Nearly six months later, he finds himself attending a wedding with an old friend of his. There is something in the air that night, he could sense it as soon as he stepped through the entrance, an aura of serenity and contentment, eerily similar to the feeling he got when you rolled down your window that morning, many months ago. He thinks nothing of it.

As he sits in his assigned seat, he can’t help but observe the couples around him as they sit side by side, enjoying each other’s presence. He can’t help but think of you, how are you? What could you be doing at this very moment? He hopes you are safe and happy. As he drinks the champagne in front of him, Hotch lets himself imagine a perfect world, one where he gets to have you by his side and enjoy a simple life.

He’s lost in thought when he hears Rossi mumbling near him, and he realizes his friend has been talking to him this entire time. Hotch nods and Rossi gets up, presumably to go to the dance floor. As he absent-mindedly gazes on, his eyes land on someone in particular and he nearly chokes on air.

You are standing only a few feet away, wearing a blush-coloured dress made of velvety material, your hair is beautifully done, and your makeup soft and dewy. You are a vision. At some point in his realization that it was truly you standing right there, Hotch stood from his seat, mesmerized by your beauty, he gathers his guts to approach you when an older man comes to your side to place a soft kiss to your forehead. 

His heart shatters and anger pulses through his veins. It's a cruel joke the universe is playing on him, allowing him to catch a glimpse of you for the second time, only to snatch the dream away in the worst possible manner. He abruptly leaves the table, no longer in the mood to be semi-social. 

About twenty minutes later, you excuse yourself from the table to visit the bathroom, afterwards, you make a quick detour to the entrance of the villa to catch a few minutes of fresh air. The property is breathtaking and the evening air is crisp. As you stand before the grandiose garden, admiring the beauty of the flowers and shrubs, you notice a lone man standing off to your right.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to intrude, just catching some fresh air,” you decide to politely announce your presence now to avoid any awkwardness later. 

He slowly turns to you, his heart clenching at the sound of your sweet voice.

“Oh! I think I know you from somewhere…..” you frown and pout softly as you try to place this gorgeous man. The champagne from earlier is doing you no favours.

He chuckles at your adorable expression, “I’m flattered you remember me from such a short interaction, ma’am.”

“Oh!” you squeak. Shit. He’s the cop that let you off with a warning. You suddenly feel under a microscope and straighten your posture. He notices your slight change in demeanour and smiles warmly.

“Easy, I’m off the clock, and besides, you are a law-abiding citizen, aren’t you?” he teases.

You smile shyly, “yes sir” you respond in a soft, friendly tone.

“You can call me Aaron,” he stretches out a friendly hand for you to shake

“I’m Y/N.” as you smile at him he can feel his heart clenching once more. 

His mind is telling him not to go any further, pursuing this while knowing you are unavailable to him would be futile and painful. But Hotch is a helpless romantic at heart, he is physically unable to walk away from you. The two of you fall into easy conversation. At first, it's mostly him teasing you about your driving, he then inquires about your job and your well-being. He is momentarily stunned when you return his questions and the eager expression that accompanies it. 

Loud cheering from inside the wedding brings you back to reality. 

"Oh! I should get back to the party, it was so nice seeing you, Aaron."

Hearing you use his name stirs something in him that he would be ashamed to admit. 

"Likewise," he smiles, showing off his dimples.

As you walk inside, he feels the familiar feeling of dread return to his gut. What was he supposed to do with himself now?

"Y/N!"

You stop dead in your tracks and turn back to him with an inquisitive look.

"Look I-I know you came here with someone but I won't be able to live with myself if I don't at least say something." 

There is suddenly something very different about the officer, a look and a tone that seems foreign coming from him. You smile softly as you realize he is being shy and vulnerable in this moment.

"I have not stopped thinking about you since the traffic stop. I can't get you out of my head. I almost can't believe I got to see you again tonight, and the thought of not seeing you again is too much to bear..."

Aaron has never been great with emotions, voicing them out is certainly not his greatest strength. He feels silly and pathetic standing here talking about his feelings. He was raised in a generation that taught boys to be ‘men’, to toughen up and bite it down, always.

"Oh, Aaron," you sigh and look up at him dreamily. "You are so sweet and such a perfect gentleman. I am flattered to have taken up so much space in your mind. If it helps, the man I was with is my uncle, I'm- I'm not seeing anybody right now." You add the last part rather sheepishly and shift your eyes to the ground near his shoes.

Aaron can feel his lungs inflate once again, as he smiles up at the sky, filled with gratitude, "yes, yes Y/N, that helps a lot." 

He reaches out for your hand and gestures towards the wedding.

"May I have this dance, Ma'am?" 

"Yes sir"

As he graces the dance floor with you, Aaron can’t help but think that the stars have aligned for this magical moment to be his reality. He worries about going to sleep tonight, afraid he might wake up to find it was all a dream. But for now, he loses himself in this beautiful moment with you, cherishing you and your smile.

[thelazyhermits]

Now that Book 7 Part 7 has come out, it's time for me to provide a post that covers those events and how they went down with my Yuu, although it'll be much shorter than my previous posts just cause most of it just covers what happened with the Shroud brothers lol

Okay, so first off, I want to confirm that most of what happens with the Shroud brothers is the same as canon cause Yuu had no direct involvement in what went on with Ortho/Styx and inside Idia's dream.

That said, there is actually SOME content that's not from canon that I can provide here cause the story immediately diverts from canon after we pick up where we left off in the previous post.

The reason for that is cause, shortly after Yuu hugs Idia and he declares that the hero is always late, Idia, due to their close proximity, takes notice of how exhausted Yuu looks thanks to everything that happened in Lilia's dream.

Plus, her eyes are red from all the crying she did at the end of Part 5, so in other words, Yuu looks pretty awful in the eyes of Idia who has absolutely no idea what all the poor girl has recently gone through.

(I know Ortho mentioned Malleus chasing Lilia around, but I doubt he saw EVERYTHING that happened in Lilia's dream since he was likely preoccupied with Idia's dream and everything that happened prior to that for a while, so I'm just gonna assume that Ortho tuned in near the end of Lilia's dream.)

Immediately, all of Idia's big plans of a dramatic entrance/explaining his situation, etc. go out the window cause now he can only focus on the sorry state Yuu is in. Big brother mode activate!

(Although, unlike canon, Idia has no need to introduce himself since Yuu/Grim obviously know him, Sebek was introduced to him during the Harveston event, and Silver also knows what Idia looks like thanks to the third tsum event.)

Catching Yuu's group off guard, Idia begins somewhat panickily pointing out how awful she looks and asking what the hell happened to her when she was supposed to be involved with nice, pleasant dreams up until this point. Is her luck really so bad that everything that could go wrong actually went wrong?!

Before Yuu can try to answer all the rapid fire questions being thrown at her and also assure Idia that she's fine, Idia quickly starts dragging her toward the direction of the Ignihyde dorm's lounge, further surprising everyone.

Meanwhile, Ortho chooses this moment to pop up and reveal that he can't physically appear inside Idia's dream, like he does in canon. He also tells Grim and the others to just follow after Idia/Yuu since taking care of Yuu should take precedence since he's getting some worrisome readings from Yuu whom he had done a scan of earlier while his brother had been trying to interrogate her.

Naturally, Silver/Sebek try to figure out what's going on here since it seems like Idia is awake, but no darkness is showing up to try to put him to sleep. And of course, they ask questions about the whole situation with Ortho and the worrisome readings he mentioned just now.

For Idia's sake, since he knows his brother is waiting on this info, Ortho first shares the worrisome readings which indicate there's some strong magic clinging to Yuu, magic that appears to be just like Malleus's, although it's weaker than the kind of magic Malleus normally produces.

This magic is negatively affecting Yuu's condition by making her more tired/drained than she should be, which is why it's so worrying.

Immediately, Silver/Sebek realize that what happened with Egg Malleus is still negatively affecting Yuu, who, all this time, had simply thought her exhaustion was just the result of all the stress caused by recent events. Obviously, Egg Malleus didn't take back all of his magic like they had all originally assumed.

Since he can tell that they know something he doesn't, Idia orders Silver/Sebek to explain what happened since he needs to know everything if he's going to help Yuu.

Quickly, Silver/Sebek explain what happened with Egg Malleus, and as expected, the Shroud brothers are shocked and VERY displeased.

Yuu is also really surprised since this is her first time hearing what all happened with Egg Malleus since she passed out soon after and got preoccupied with what was going on with Lilia after she woke up.

Vaguely she can recall some of her memories from that time, but since she wasn't really fully conscious when Egg Malleus's magic was pouring into her, she can't completely remember what happened.

Idia quickly starts taking turns between complaining about Malleus AND Yuu cause the former just keeps finding new ways to piss him off and he is so DONE with all the nonsense the latter regularly gets involved with. Yuu is so bad for his heart 😂

All Yuu can do is meekly apologize since Idia has gotten all worked up to the point his hair has turned yellow/red/orange, and she knows that, since Idia doesn't get upset like this easily, she obviously has worried him a whole lot.

Meanwhile, Grim/Silver/Sebek are really surprised since they've never seen Idia this mad before, which Grim makes a comment on.

This leads to Ortho proudly declaring that this is the result of Idia and Yuu becoming such good friends! Isn't his big brother so amazing for being so caring and considerate toward his friend?

(Book 7 events happen after the last chapter of my fic, LVL UP!, so Yuu has maxed out Idia's friendship gauge/meter by this point. As a result, he's protective of her like he is Ortho, although not to that exact degree, and Idia is more willing to chew Yuu out for being stupid/reckless. His usual snark never disappears 😂)

While Grim and Sebek give Ortho incredulous looks, Silver just nods along, acting like Ortho's explanation makes perfect sense lol

Meanwhile, Idia, who isn't paying attention to that particular conversation cause that's just how worked up he is, finishes dragging Yuu into the lounge and forces her to lie down on one of the couches.

He then promptly orders her to go to sleep, earning him some incredulous looks from Yuu/Grim/Sebek.

Naturally, Yuu tries to tell Idia that she has no time to sleep when an overblot is going on, but Idia just covers her mouth with one hand and covers her eyes with his other hand before ordering her to go to sleep again lol

Ortho quickly chimes in that, if they're going to save the world, Yuu needs to be at top strength. Besides, a lot of time won't be lost if she takes a short nap in the dream world, and this will also be a great opportunity for everyone in her party to get the chance to recharge!

As if on cue, Sebek/Grim's stomachs start loudly growling cause they haven't eaten in a while, much to Sebek's embarrassment.

Since she obviously can't ignore her sons' hunger, Yuu finally agrees to take a break after getting Idia to stop covering her mouth, especially since it's clear that Idia is not gonna let her get off the couch or remove his hand from her eyes anytime soon lol

Almost immediately after Yuu agrees to rest, her exhaustion finally consumes her since she's no longer fighting it back, and it's hard to for her to fight off exhaustion when she's lying down, not to mention while she's technically in the dark thanks to Idia who refused to move his hand covering her eyes.

Within seconds, Yuu falls asleep, and once Ortho gives him the all clear after checking to make sure she's asleep, Idia finally stops covering her eyes, which he had done specifically because he knew Yuu would find it harder to resist sleep if he did that.

All the while, Idia complains about how stupidly stubborn Yuu is and how she should just obey his orders like a good underclassman lol

As he's complaining, Idia quickly gets to work analyzing the data Ortho gathered after scanning Yuu, so he can deal with the magic that's still clinging to her like an unwanted blanket.

Meanwhile, Ortho guides the rest of Yuu's group to the kitchen, which thankfully has food in it since there's always food at the dorm, meaning it'd be something Idia's dream would naturally supply to make this dorm as much like reality as possible.

Although, there's unfortunately only things like instant ramen to choose from cause all the Ignihyde guys have the kind of not so healthy diet that Idia has 😂

During this time, Ortho finally answers the guys' earlier questions about why no darkness has shown up in Idia's dream/how Idia is awake, etc. He also tells them about how he, Idia, and Yuu had been preparing for Malleus's overblot up until the day it had happened, which Yuu hadn't mentioned yet to her friends since she was waiting until she reunited with the Shroud brothers to bring that topic up.

Sebek/Grim are annoyed that they were left out of something so important while Silver commends Yuu and the Shroud brothers' for their preparedness and thanks Ortho/Idia for all their efforts.

After that, as they're all eating together in the lounge, Ortho goes into detail about everything that happened on his end prior to entering Idia's dream, all of which was the same as canon.

The only difference I can think of to add for those particular events is that, when he's facing Ortho, Malleus idly comments that Yuu won't be pleased with him if he's too rough with her son. Because of that and cause Ortho has been a good friend to Sebek as of late due to them both being Yuu's sons, Malleus promises to make everything painless for Ortho, although he does also mention that it's not like Yuu will ever find out what he does since she'll forever remain asleep.

(Naturally, Malleus was very wrong about that cause Yuu always finds out, one way or another, when someone has mistreated her sons, so after she finds out, she'll definitely go after him for this when she gets the chance lol)

In regards to Idia's dream, that also is mostly just as it is in canon. Once again, there are only some slight differences, and they occur after Idia ends up in the Underworld with Phantom Ortho.

When Idia makes the comment about his little brother having friends, Phantom Ortho mentions all the phantoms he's friends with before cheerfully adding that he's also friends with Yuu.

Much to Iida's surprise/confusion, Phantom Ortho says he really enjoyed the short period of time he spent with Yuu and that he had been hoping Idia would bring her back to Styx on the next school break or some other occasion since he had wanted to chat with her again and cause she's way better company than the phantoms 😂

(That's not to say he plans on breaking out/causing trouble or anything. He had just hoped that he could communicate with her if she got close enough to the Underworld gate, although he'd obviously not want her to stay for too long at the risk of her own health.

He basically just wants to explore new avenues for how to interact with other people despite his limited circumstances, and he thinks it's possible with Yuu, due to her alien status, since she had briefly gotten possessed by one of the Underworld spirits despite the gate being closed at the time, so he thinks it's possible to find a way to chat with her.)

That's why it's sooo disappointing that Idia is in the Underworld now since that means it's unlikely he'll get the chance to talk to Yuu again lol

Because Yuu wasn't a part of his dream due to Ortho never introducing the two of them, meaning he technically hasn't met her, Idia wonders who the hell Yuu is, and Phantom Ortho scolds him since that's their first real-life human friend!

Phantom Ortho had been really happy about the fact that he and his brother ended up having the same first human friend, so he's not pleased that Idia forgot her, especially since Yuu always takes such good care of him back at NRC, and because of recent events, he can't help but worry about Yuu since, for his brother to end up in a situation like this, this must mean Yuu is in a big pinch as well since he knows she'd never let anything happen to Idia otherwise.

While in canon Idia finally awakens due to him remembering his past thanks to Phantom Ortho, it's not just that that's a factor here.

The mention of Yuu also makes Idia finally remember everything that happened prior to him falling asleep cause everything that Phantom Ortho said about her, including how she must be in serious trouble right now, finally makes him recall all of his memories of her, including how he and Ortho had been working together with Yuu to prepare for Malleus's impending overblot.

The next canon divergence is when Idia busts out of the Underworld after he battles Phantom Ortho like in canon. In addition to giving the same parting he does in canon, Phantom Ortho tells his brother to take good care of Yuu and to bring her back for a visit someday. He'll be looking forward to it!

Idia promises that he will, although he internally wonders how much he'd have to bribe Yuu to willingly come back to Styx after everything that happened in Book 6 lol

(He doesn't have to bribe her, of course, since Yuu would be quick to agree to come upon hearing that Ortho was eagerly awaiting her visit since both NRC Ortho and Phantom Ortho are important/precious to her.)

From there, things proceed like in canon, although Idia actually knows that Malleus is behind things unlike in canon. He just needs an update from Ortho to find out what all happened while he was out and just how serious Malleus's abilities are.

And Ortho doesn't make as big a deal about going into space since that's the second time he has done it by this point since Wish Upon a Star happened prior to Book 7 lol

Regarding Idia's motivation to give Malleus some much deserved payback, I'd say that's still the same as it was in canon cause Mama Shroud still ended up looking around Idia's computer, much to Idia's dismay/mortification lol 😂

Even though the update ends there, I'm gonna jump back to present time to cover some content that wasn't in the update.

Around the time Ortho finishes bringing Grim/Sebek/Silver up to speed, Idia decides on the best method to deal with the magic that's still clinging to Yuu.

Since the ring Yuu has been wearing all this time was made using Malleus's magic, which in turn makes it something that can harness Malleus's powerful magic, Idia decides to use it to collect the remaining magic that's clinging onto her.

He does this first by activating the ring via pouring his own magic into it. Once the magic draining feature of the ring has essentially been turned on thanks to his magic/him configuring the ring to suit his needs, Idia rests her ring-clad hand on her chest.

Much to Grim/Silver/Sebek's amazement, a green-colored magic that looks just like what had consumed Yuu in Lilia's dream suddenly starts pouring into the ring along with Idia's blue-colored magic.

Once there are no visible signs of Malleus's magic and Ortho does an updated scan on Yuu, who visibly looks much better now, confirming that he can't detect any more traces of Malleus's magic, Idia finally deactivates the ring.

While Ortho praises his brother for a job well done, Idia just complains about what a handful Yuu always is. He also throws some snark at Silver/Sebek for allowing Yuu's condition to get this bad.

(Grim gets spared cause of special cute kitty privileges lol)

Even though he hates being criticized by humans, Sebek can't bring himself to say anything cause he also blames himself for what happened to Yuu, although it still irritates him greatly to be criticized by someone like Idia lol

Meanwhile, Silver sincerely apologizes since, as the upperclassmen of their four-man group, he feels it was his responsibility to look after Yuu and her sons.

Plus, Silver feels that Yuu's exhaustion is entirely his fault due to all the unfortunate events that befell her cause of his past actions/ineptitude. That's why he wants to take full responsibility and asks Idia not to blame Sebek, earning him some complaints from Sebek.

Instantly, Idia hones in Silver's words cause Silver made it sound like Yuu went through multiple Bad End scenarios, which he is quick to demand the details of.

Because Silver is the type who's always honest and he feels he should be held accountable for his past mistakes, he tells Idia about the incident where Yuu got electrocuted after saving him and what happened after the darkness swallowed him.

Naturally, the Shroud brothers freak out when they hear the word "electrocution". Ortho proceeds to do countless scans on Yuu, even though his last one didn't show anything to be worried about.

Meanwhile, Idia is fighting the urge to yell cause he doesn't want to wake Yuu up, so he settles for doing a lot of whisper-screaming about how stupidly reckless Yuu is and how everyone but him and Ortho are total morons.

And the Shroud brothers freak out even more when they find out how Yuu reacted to being touched by the darkness. Ortho panickily starts talking about this to Mama & Papa Shroud, who aren't taking this news much better, Mama Shroud especially 😂

(By this point, Mama & Papa Shroud have all but adopted Yuu since they've heard so much about her from Ortho since Book 6 events, and they're in full support of Ortho's matchmaking efforts, Mama Shroud especially. Mama Shroud even calls Yuu daughter-in-law, not when Yuu/Idia are around, of course, cause that would kill Idia 🤣

That's why Mama Shroud is analyzing all the data Ortho has ever collected on Yuu, past and present, at the speed of light, determined to get to the bottom of this since that's what mother-in-laws are for!)

Idia, who's now angrily pacing, is back to sporting orange/red/yellow colored hair as he whisper-screams about how ridiculous this all is. How can someone's luck be THIS bad?!

As the Shroud family is reeling, Grim/Silver/Sebek are just wisely keeping quiet cause they don't want anyone to start yelling at them/they really don't know what else to do in this awkward situation lol

Needless to say, this was not on the Shroud brothers' bingo card as far as expectations for this meeting is concerned lol 😂

[ghostfanwriter]

To make you feel better 🧽💖

A smutty fic where Joel is sick, and you do your best to help him feel better.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Fem! Reader.

Setting: Jackson.

🧽💖🧽💖🧽💖🧽💖🧽💖🧽💖🧽💖🧽💖🧽💖🧽💖

What I listened to while writing this:

💖Kali Uchis - Angel

🧽Kali Uchis - Telepatía (fucking vibes these two)

💖Sabrina Carpenter - Nonsense (because this song is partially about being cockdumb and you can't convince me otherwise. It doesn't pass the vibe check for this, but I listened to it anyway)

🧽Lana del Rey - Ultraviolence (I don't know exactly why, but Ultraviolence just makes me dizzy thinking about Joel. Listen to it watching the interrogation or hospital scenes and tell me I'm fucking wrong.)

Author's note: do yourself a favor and listen to Angel and Telepatía when reading this. Damn they fit the vibe. I had this story cooking on my brain for a long time now, and finally managed to get it out. It's dirty, but it's passionate and I hope you like it 💖. Also, I mention how they met here, and I have this idea where Frank and Bill had a daughter, maybe she arrived with Frank, and reader is her, but I don't know. I have another idea that fits right there and may write it eventually. Let me know what you think ✨

Word count: I think it's around 2.5k.

Warnings: Smut; 18+ only please; p in v, oral sex (male receiving), mention of Joel being sick, no physical description of reader, a bit of fluff there too.

Tell me if I missed something, please ✨

Good reading 🧽💖

🧽💖🧽💖🧽💖🧽💖🧽💖🧽💖🧽💖🧽💖🧽💖🧽💖🧽💖

🧽💖🧽💖🧽💖🧽💖🧽💖🧽💖🧽💖🧽💖🧽💖🧽💖🧽💖

You leave Ellie on her doorstep and hurry to the house you share with Joel. Your cheeks are burning from the cold and you can barely feel your fingers, even inside Joel's thick gloves that he insisted you would wear outside.

You enter your house, remove a layer of clothes and rush to the guest bedroom. It took a lot - a lot - of persistance to convince him to stay downstairs. He was weak and you didn't want him going up and down the stairs everytime he needed to eat during the three days you went away.

You find him asleep, and if you're being honest, your heart sinks seeing him just laying there. Joel was getting old and, although you knew he would probably die before you, avoiding the thought was one of your main focuses right now.

Sitting at the edge of the bed slowly not to wake him up, you just admire him for a second. The wrinkles forming around his eyes, the little pout on his lips, his brows missing their deep frown. Seeing him in such a vulnerable position felt like a privilege, one that only you and Ellie had. He was soft and open with the two of you, unlike with everyone else, that sees him as a grumpy and even dangerous old man.

Dangerous, you couldn't lie. He is.

But you've seen his wrath. And you know it is only directed towards the people who threatened the ones important to him. You met him when he and Tess started going to your parents house, and with time your relationship develop to what it is today. You've never seen him offer any danger to anyone close to him.

You stroked your hands up his chest, feeling the soft material of his shirt, and noticing that he's still a little hot. He hums on his sleep and you try to wake him up. "Joel", you call in a tender whisper. He hums again and wakes up when your hand touches his cheek.

"Hi baby, how are you feeling?" His eyes take a second to focus and process it's you. He is awake on a snap, eyes wide looking at you. A tired and soft smile on his face and a hand on your thigh.

"You ok?" His stare is a bit confusing. You're not sure he is totally there with you, so you keep staring at him.

"Yeah, better now. Missed you." He finally says, like he's out of a spell. "I missed you too." You lean down to kiss him, and he lets you. Your soft and cold lips making him groan and shiver at the same time. His hand pressed harder on your thigh.

"You're still hot, aren't you? Did you shower today?" Caressing your thigh, he takes a while to respond. "Haven't since you left." You stayed out for three days, and Joel kind of got used to not showering often, so you always reminded him to shower at least once a day.

"So gross." You say with a laugh, and he gives you the best, strongest laugh he can. "I'm going to take one, why don't you come with me?" You say leaning down to kiss him again. Running your hands through his hair, you say "Wash this hair, huh? Come with me."

You help him up and you go to the bathroom. You help him undress first. He's a lot better than when you left, but he still struggles to bend and remove his shirt and pants.

"C'mon, you go first." You mention him the shower. "I thought we were showering together." You smile. "We are. But you can't stay out in the cold, so go while I undress."

He goes under the hot water, groaning at how good it feels. You quickly remove your neverending layers of clothes. Getting behind him, felling his body warmer with the added heat of the water.

You rest your cheek on his back for a second, hugging him from behind and just enjoying his presence for a moment. His hands come over yours, intertwining his fingers with yours.

You eventually start showering. He washes your hair, tenderness and love on his touch, massaging and caressing your head as he feels you relax under his touch. Fingers moving slowly and intently, like he was making sure you were really with him, and not outside, by yourself, without him to make sure you were okay.

You washed him, carefully soaping every inch of skin you saw, taking in every muscle and scar he has on his body, leaving an eventual kiss and squeeze along the way. He was with his back turned to you when you were finishing with his hair, and you lowered your hands to finish washing his front. When you reached his stomach, you felt the muscles there contract, and you soon saw why.

He had a hard, pulsing erection formed. It was fully there and God, you missed him.

He had been sick for almost a week and insisted you would keep a bit of a distance not to get sick. You missed his touch, his weight on top of you, his smell invading your nose, his sweat mixing with yours, his sounds, his tastes. You missed him fully, in a way that blurred your mind for a second.

You were brought back to reality when he groaned loudly, your hand firmly stroking him, up and down, slow and savoured movements. Like if going any harder or faster could break him. "Is this okay?" You ask, stopping to wait for his response.

A hand met your lower back, and his head rested lazily back on your shoulder. You got back to your motion, eventually going harder or faster, but keeping an overall steady and passionate rhythm.

Burying your face on his back, you were enjoying this as much as he was. "You always talk about how I'm always ready for you." You say in a whisper. He hums. You didn't lie. Joel was big on his praising game. Always telling how good you were doing and how good you felt.

"But you've never let me down neither." You said with a particularly tight movement of your hands around his tip and then his length.

Then you could swear, even if you felt like your ears were lying to you, that you heard him moan. A different, almost rare sound from him.

He always grunted and groaned, sounds you were deliciously familiar with, that you took as incentive to take him in deeper, or to cum around him again, or to work your tongue around his head one more time.

But a moan was different. It was him being vulnerable and showing his appreciation for what you were doing. His, other times, vocal lips, only spilling honesty right now.

The shower was slippery and Joel too weak to do anything in there. So you stopped your hands, running them up his stomach and kissing his back.

"Let's go to bed, don't want to end all the water, do we?" You said, turning him and receiving openly the kiss he leans down to press on your lips.

You dry his hair and his body, telling him to go to bed. You pat yourself dry and follow him, watching him while he looks at you, appreciating every curve and line your body had.

You lie over him, straddling his hips, his cock warm under your clit. Leaning down to kiss him, you slowly roll your hips, his hands coming to your ass, giving you a strong and deep squeeze.

"Wanna make you feel good, you've been feeling bad for a long time now." You whisper on his good ear when going down to kiss his neck. He hums in response and you start trailing kisses down his chest, then his stomach, and finally, around his cock.

You kiss his base, balls, head and the very tip with open and wet lips. Every inch of him receiving the love you want to give him.

You suck his balls first, softly and slowly. His hand comes to your hair, not pushing or applying any pressure. Just resting there and caressing you the same way he did when washing your hair.

You then lick a zigzag up his length, untill you reach the tip, that you roll your tongue around, slurping on his precum and enjoying the soft and warm felling of his skin when you put it inside your mouth.

You slowly take him inside, letting your droll wet the next inch before sucking him in. "Gonna fucking kill me, angel." He breathes low and you half chuckle, taking the hint and going a bit faster.

Your hand is cupping and rolling carefully his balls, when his breath starts to get quicker. You suck him a bit harder one last time, sucking in your cheeks to feel him fully inside your mouth.

Then you let go. With a wet and loud sound, your lips are open, a thick streak of saliva and precum keeping your lips and his tip connected. You swallow it and go back to straddling him, once again kissing your way back up.

His hands come to your face and he kisses you deeply, passionately. It's a slow and savoured kiss. The kind to make you wish to stop time and just live in for a bit. His warmth and smell sending you deeper into him, he's all that exists right now, and you couldn't imagine a better plane of existence.

You align yourself with his cock, rubbing his tip up and down your folds, circling him around your clit and just putting his head in first. Slowly, you move your hips up and down, just the tip going in and out of you.

His hands come down to your thighs and you break the kiss, holding yourself up to look into his eyes when you fully sink on him. His eyes falter for a second, his lips part and the fucking moan is there again. Blessing your ears and making you mimick his sound. A stretched, nasty and honest sound leaving your own lips.

The kind of moan that has you worried everything with ears could hear.

When you were together you felt like you just wanted to fuse with him. You always hugged him super tight, almost as if trying to merge your bodies and become just one.

Sex was the closest you would ever get to it, and you just loved feeling him inside of you. Just how fucking closer could you be with someone then literally having them inside you?

All these thoughts making you float inside your brain. His warmth, smells, tastes and sounds are everything that you know, and you're more than willing to just swim around the man underneath you.

Your hips instinctively start circling on him. His grip on your hips tightening and helping you move. You start going up and down, watching him while he looks at your body. His eyes deep and tired, but his usual passion and desire making room for themselves on them.

His lips dry and parted, an obscene invitation for you to lean down and lick them, which you're prompt to accept. Keeping your hips movements, circling while going up and down, a clockwork to help him feel every single inch of you, you just let yourself go and fully enjoy the moment.

You kissed again, his name leaving your lips just as much as yours left his. In whispers, whimpers, laughs when you moved just right, and groans that made you see stars.

You went back up, needing him faster and rougher, you support yourself on his chest and just let pleasure guide your movements.

Up and down, circling around. Forward and backwards, rubbing your clit on his cute belly while doing so.

You started to go faster, rougher, jumping higher and trying to ignore the pain on your boobs while you did so.

You tried to hold them with an arm, but Joel didn't like the blocking of his vision, so his hands left your hips and, removing your arm from your boobs, he held them, giving them enough support so they wouldn't hurt, but keeping them fully in sight for him.

You started to feel your orgasm forming and put your left hand besides his head, using your other hand to circle your clit fast and tight. Joel groaned and pulled you high enough that he could take your nipples on his lips.

He sucked hard and...

Oh God.

He just fucking kicked you off the highest cliff possible.

You screamed his name in a way that would absolutely earn you some looks when you step outside your house.

Your body shivered, shook, and moved uncontrollably. His name the only word you could remember, and you felt your pussy literally gushing around his cock.

You lied on top of him for a second. Trying your best to breath again. You were straight up just cockwarming for a bit, while you tried to organize your brain again.

"So fucking pretty, baby. Feel so good around me, squeezing me so well." His words making you clench purposefully around him, wich you kept doing, just pulsing and doing your best to make him feel good while you can't move. "My good... (a clench) Fucking girl."

Oh, to be praised by Joel Miller.

You couldn't help yourself. You needed him with you. And you would do anything to show him how much you wanted it, how much you deserved him with you.

You wanted to make sure he was always happy, always aware that you made him feel better than anyone else.

The fog on your brain started to fade and you slowly returned your movements. At first still laying on top of him, just moving your ass to bring back some friction, and eventually properly moving up and down.

"Circle again baby, like you were doing before. Felt so good." You did as you were told, drawing large and heavy circles with your hips, never letting an inch of him escape from you.

"Fuck, baby, so fucking good for me." His eyes were watching you, the frown back between his eyebrows, but this time motivated only by pleasure. His parted lips letting moans, grunts and deep breaths escape, only moving to repeat your name time after time.

It was all too much for you. You fell down again, taken by the man under you. Only him on your mind, his smile, his hair, his big hands, the sound of his voice.

Your orgasm wasn't just due to the stimulation from this moment. It was because of him.

For him.

It was like your way to pay homage to him, to show him just how much you loved and appreciated him. He was making you cum, not only his cock.

Your jaw was clenched together and your eyes doing their best to keep staring at his. When you were finally over, he couldn't take it anymore.

"I'm gonna cum, peach. Can't fucking hold it anymore."

You searched for strength on your muscles and got up. Kissing him and quickly reaching for his cock. You grab him and just go right back to it. Taking him as deep as you can, swallowing around his cock to make your throat clench around him, earning a grunt and a hair pull from him.

"Fuck, shit." He's doing his best to last and savour this feeling. His hands squeezing both your hair and the sheets, the veins on his neck about to break his skin and jump out of his body.

"Can't, baby. Gonna f-fucking cum." His warning allowing you to remove a bit of him from your mouth. You suck his head and pump his length, moaning when you feel him twitch inside your mouth.

Joel screams your name and lifts his upper body when he cums inside your mouth. Filling you up more than usually, and oh... You love it, tightening your lips around him to not let any drop escape from you.

"Greedy fucking girl." He says when you remove your full mouth from him, squeezing your lips not to let anything drip. You drink him with the most beautiful facial expression Joel has ever fucking seen, and smile when he laughs lazily at your face.

You look down, noticing there's still some on his cock. You take it back into your mouth and Joel hisses, caressing your hair, once again mimicking the movement from your shower.

Rolling your tongue around his softening tip one last time, you moan and circle it around your lips. Then you lick them and go back up, looking for his lips.

He pulls you down, kissing you in a way he hopes you understand as appreciation.

There you are, laying on top of him, sweating even though you're going through the worst part of winter.

Just you, Joel and your love for each other.

"I love you." You say when breaking the kiss.

"I love you too, more than I could ever explain." His honesty breaks your heart.

You feel the familiar feeling on your guts, the desire to melt into him, to never have to leave this bed again, to never have to experience a second without him.

You lie by his side and rest your head on his shoulder. "Gonna have to take another shower." You say, half laughing, half serious.

"Is it gonna end like the last one? Cause if it is I'm fucking running to the bathroom." He laughs, and you know he means it.

"Gonna be an endless loop, till the end of time." You say and he looks down at you.

"Eternity sounds beautiful by your side." Fuck him, you're so fucking in love.

🧽💖🧽💖🧽💖🧽💖🧽💖🧽💖🧽💖🧽💖🧽💖🧽💖🧽💖

Can you tell I'm dying over this man? No? Cool.

Nothing to see here.

Feedback, reblogs and cuddles are highly appreciated 👑

Bye besties, see you next time 💖

[zeezelweazel]

Overwatch| Fluff Headcannons|

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Overwatch obsession hit me hard but I'm so bad at this game ( to be fair I've been playing for 3 days lol )

The women in this game lord I'm so gay

Anyway here's a short and sweet piece to make up for the upcoming angst wave

Characters Included: Mercy, Ashe, Widowmaker, Kiriko, D.va

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• Mercy •

Mercy is one of the most hard working people in overwatch, if anyone is looking for her they immediately go to her office. She's hunched over the desk, nose deep in her notes most of the time. She doesn't stop even aften the sun falls and her muscles are screaming for help.

At the end of the day she's usually too tired to do anything other than get up, move three feet and slump over the couch in her office to rest for the night.

You often try to break this routine. It's honestly a little funny, how she's a doctor and can't seem to take care of herself. Angela will thankfully accept the massages that you might offer or potentially cuddling if you've managed to coax her into her actual room.

When it comes to pda Angela stands somewhere in the middle. She doesn't want distractions when she's working or is on missions but won't mind you holding her hand in public or a quick peck on her cheek and forehead. She may or may not get flustered if you do the latter.

• Ashe •

Ashe is somewhat weird when it comes to affection. The possessive part of her always wants to have her hands on you so she can show the rest of her gang who you really belong to. An arm around your waist, holding hands even her hand resting on your thigh.

The other part of her though is very awkward when it comes to affection, especially the physical kind. She never got any when she was a child which means that now as an adult she craves it but also it doesn't come naturally to her.

When you first got together with her Elizabeth was very stiff whenever you did as much as hold her hand. She short circuited when you kissed for the first time and even though she desperately tried to hide it she was blushing as red as her lipstick.

As your relationship progressed you noticed Elizabeth being more comfortable with honest affection and now she is also open with asking for affection. She still won't do any sweet stuff in public though, she has a reputation to maintain.

• Widowmaker •

In the eyes of everyone else, and Talon's security cameras, Widowmaker was still an unfeeling cold hearted assassin that they can order around like some kind of pet. In your eyes the beautiful woman you've come to know as Amélie is a very lovable and quiet person who loves affection as much as she loves you.

Most of the time your private cuddle sessions happen in your own room, a place Talon can't pry into, the only times you can go to Amelie's own room is when you've somehow managed to convince Sombra to hack the cameras.

Again at first Amélie was very reluctant when it came to, well, everything about this relationship but she slowly warmed up to you. Eventually she was fine with cuddles as well.

Although nothing could prepare you for the first time it happened. You still remember being almost asleep with your girlfriend next to you, facing you and tracing a cold hand over your cheek. Suddenly you jolted awake when Amélie latched herself at your side, buried her head under your neck and just squeezed you. You later realised that this is just how she cuddles. You definitely have felt tears on your neck more often than not but you don't comment on it.

• Kiriko •

Kiriko is often very busy with her gang and protecting everyone. The stress gets to her but she knows she can count on you to help her relax. The best way to do that is doughnuts, obviously. Kiriko loves anything sweet but she also likes foxes.

Que you bringing her a fox onesie and Kiriko trying not to cry from how cute it is and how sweet you are. I think she'd also enjoy nature so a trip to a quiet forest to relax and spent time together would be great.

Now when it comes to pda I she'd be neutral about it. Kiriko is not shy at all but she wouldn't go over the top with the affection while in public. She would get a little jealous or possessive but not as much as Ashe would and if she did she'll usually end up being more affectionate in private, kind of like asking for reassurance.

Kiriko would love the lazy kind of cuddles. The ones when you're lying in bed and don't want to get up even though you know you have much to do. She also needs a kiss to get her day going. If you see her sulking is because she didn't get her kiss.

• D.va •

Hana is so energetic and enthusiastic about meeting people and her extroverted nature makes it so she absolutely adores everything that has to do with affection and love. You often see her hugging her teammates after a successful mission and holding the hands of those injured.

With you though her affection in public would be much more casual. A hand draped over your shoulders while she's sitting next to you or her just placing her hand on yours.

Of course she has her moments where she sticks on your side like a koala and mushes her face on your cheek, trying to kiss you but failing miserably because she can't stop grinning.

Hana would be very soft with you after one of the particularly hard missions are over. She still struggles with coping and asking for help and being vulnerable but you try to help as much as you can.

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[deadsnothere]

HE WAS AWAKE?! Pt. 2

synopsis - After a "sleeping" confession gone wrong, Lockwood try's to ease the tension but only makes it worse for himself. Can these obviously idiots figure it out with the help of their friend or are they just that stupid!

Masterlist

request - Yes and no?

Word count - 2.2k

Speak Ali! - LOOK WHO FINISHED PART TWO!! No one else posted lockwood fics today so I thought I might be y'all's hero

HE WAS AWAKE?! <- PT.1

“Did you just call me a self-sacrificing idiot-?” SHIT-

Neither of us spoke for a good 10 seconds. In those ten seconds I'm not even sure if I was breathing. “Yes…?” there was definitely some uncertainty to my tone of voice- I mean how the fuck was that, what Anthony was focused on! I just confessed my love for him while he was “asleep”, and his main worry is that I called him a self-sacrificing idiot. I could feel my stomach finally drop, suddenly I became very aware of everything around me. This was shit.

The way his breath fanned on my neck and chest made the hair on the back of my neck stand up, how he watched my every movement, but I was stuck in place as if I'd been ghost locked. My hands were still settled in his hair, my shoulders tense, head practically spinning.

I want to throw up. At this point my nerves are so bad, I could throw up. Nonetheless I spoke softly and shakily. “I should've checked, if you were asleep-” This was painful. Physically painful, My stomach was doing backflips- and not good backflips you get when you're happy, those horrid one's you get when you can feel the worst about to come. ”you weren't supposed to hear that-'' Why wont my mouth shut up- “I'm sorry I just…” -Oh wait, I’m supposed to shut my mouth up.

I didn't try to speak anymore, just slowly moved myself away from Anthony, moving to the end of the bed to stand up. My eyes were swelling with tears, like anticipation in a good book, they were building up to drop the worst part.

“Alias-” I can feel how wobbly my legs are, my vision was blurry for a few seconds when I stood up and I went for the door. I opened it quietly, “Alias! Would you list-” slipping out before I could hear the rest of what he wanted to say. This shit was unbearable. I’ve never wanted to throw up more, maybe I should, it might make me feel better- No I know who can make me feel better.

Lucy Carlyle. Was my best friend. When she first moved in we were rooming together, because we were fixing up my room to be liveable again after a small accident with some smoke and a left on solder iron. In those two months of us living together we’d become very close, learning things about each other, we hadn't even told the people closest to us before. She's is who’s room, i'm speed walking to right now.

“Lucy! Lucy, please open the door, I need someone to hate this jackass with me.” I knocked as softly as I could but hopefully hard enough for her to hear it. We had names for them both, George was Asswipe and Lockwood was Jackass, we did this so we could talk about them without them noticing, although it was mostly used for Lockwood since Lucy loved to tease me about having a “crush” on him. When she opened the door she looked tired, her hair was a bit messy, one hand was rubbing her eye while the other held someone else's. Oh shit I forgot Norrie was here.

“Hi Norrie, Lucy, I'm so sorry for interrupting your time with your girlfriend but our boss is an ass.” The more I spoke, the more I could hear my voice start to crack from the overwhelming emotions swirling in my head. This fucking sucked. This was so shit- I hate this. Norrie just nodded her head and laid it on Lucy's shoulder. Lucy gave her forehead a quick kiss before she whispered in her ear softly. Norrie moved to lay back down in Lucy’s bed while Lucy stepped out and shut the door behind her.

We both moved without speaking, Walked down the stairs past my room, where the door was cracked still. Lockwood was in my room, stood up looking around at the metal creations hanging off the ceiling. Both me and Lucy were looking into the room, spying on him. “Why's lockwood in your room Alias?” I sighed and lifted my head up nodding a no for now, before we started our descent down the staircase again.

When we got to the kitchen I sat down, while Lucy put the kettle on the burner. When she did so she looked over to me with a raised eyebrow. “So what did the jackass do this time?” I sighed softly and finally let the tears slip out of my eyes. “I confessed my love for him and called him a self-sacrificing idiot while I thought he was asleep- But he wasn't asleep.” Lucy's face cringed. She didn't know it was this bad. “And when he answered he said, “Did you call me a self-sacrificing idiot,” completely ignoring what I said before.”

She put a hand on her forehead. “Oh Ali…Ali” She walked over to me, wrapping her arms around my head and patting my back softly. “He's an idiot.” I nodded along with her, hugging her waist back. Tears fluently slipped out of my eyes, They slipped out because I was definitely not letting them out willingly. “He's the biggest Jackass! I mean I told him I loved him and he focused on that!” I sighed when she let go, I put my head into my hands and sighed. “of all things, the idiot focused on that!”

Lucy laughed lightly, She always had this face when she knew something you didn't, What did she know? “What do you know!?” She jumped almost scared. “Uh- Nothing, what are you talking about-” I squinted at her. “You stuttered you almost never stutter that hard, What do you know, Carlyle.”

She ignored my question and took the whistling kettle off the burner, she turned the stove dial to off, took three cups down, Mine, Norries, and one I couldn't see, because she was obviously standing in front of it, to hide it from me. She poured hot water into all three, took two tea bags out of an earl gray box and a hot chocolate packet out of a different box. “You hate earl gray.” She looked back at me and raised an eyebrow. “I do, But Lockwood doesn’t.” I squinted at her as threat when she stepped out of the way of my line of sight and lockwoods mug itself. “I don't wanna talk to him.” Lie. “Oh don't bullshit me, Alias.” She scoffed at the horrible lie. “I know you like the palm of my hand. We both know, you want to know what he's thinking right now, So you're going to talk to him.”

I rolled my eyes watching closely as she mixed my hot chocolate powder into the hot water, after she put the two bags of earl gray into the other two cups of water. She handed me my cup, as well as Lockwoods, and pulled me to stand up.

We made it to the bottom of the staircase before she stopped me. “Hear him out Ali, I Know you're not the happiest with him right now, but hear his side, ok?” I just nodded a yes, and continued to walk up the stairs with her. Stopping in front of my door. Lockwood was now looking around at my metal working table. Me and Lucy made eye contact, she gave me a thumbs up before softly pushing me into the door and scrambling off herself.

When I was pushed into the door I tried my hardest not to spill any of the hot liquid on myself. Anthony was startled when I barged in. “Are you ok, Alias?” He came to my aid almost immediately, helping me steady myself. I set both the cups down on the desk right beside the door, sighing deeply and rubbing my forehead, hoping maybe i'll explode and not have to deal with this. But I still looked him in the eye and tried my absolute best not to sound like I was going to cry when I spoke. “Why didn’t you respond to me, when I said “I love you”?” He immediately dodged the question. “Can you hand me the cup?”

“Anthony, you answer my question now and I'll at least have some understanding of how you feel, or I'll walk out of this room right now.” I couldn't tell how Anthony felt in the moment, He was so confusing!- Why was he so blank faced it made no sense. This was supposed to be a big emotional moment when he rejects me and says he loves someone else and I try to move on. “We never speak of this again and we're both left confused. So please Ant don't do that to me-” Ok so maybe I sounded a bit desperate, I couldn't help it! my emotions were getting so overwhelming, I felt like I was about to explode. “-Just reject me and let's lay back down and go to sleep,” My hands ran through my hair, the pieces falling in front of my face. He grabbed my hands and pulled me close to his chest, his arms wrapped around my waist and his head laid on my own. “Please Ant…” I think I’d broken his heart at that moment. My voice spoke sweet like honey but it was saturated in desperation.

He sighed softly, Taking in that moment as much as he could. “I didn't respond because you make me nervous, Alias. Your touch could burn holes in my skin, darling.” His arms loosened his grip around me, Slowly slipping up to my face, cradling it in his hand. ”That was poetic, Anthony..” We both chuckled, I kissed his palm and smiled at him warmly. ”I do love you, Alias. I was just too much of a wimp to say it.” I giggled, his other hand moved to cup the other side of my face. ”Yeah you are a wimp.” I pulled him closer and dug my head into his chest. ”Thank you so much, darling for making me feel better-” I giggled once again trying to hide how happy this made me feel..

Lockwood used his pointer finger and thumb, making me face him. He wasn't using that stupid charming smile that although I loved, didn't feel like the real him. Instead he gave me that boyish grin, the one that made my heart flutter when I made eye contact with him, the one that showed how vulnerable he was willing to be with me. “Can I kiss you? Before I realize this is another crazy dream, I’ll play on repeat in the morning.” Laughing lightly, I placed my hands on his hips. “oh, you’ve been dreaming about me?” I just knew my face was lit up like a Christmas tree, I tried my best to softly whisper out a response. “But please do kiss me you idiot.”

When we kissed for the first time it wasn't what i thought it would be, it was awkward and felt weird. But afterwards we still giggled about it. This time I grabbed his face and pulled him down slightly so his lips would slot just perfectly with mine. The first kiss wasn't that great, But the second kiss was electric. His hands trailed up my hips, up my waist, one stopping on my back, the other on the nape of my neck. Our body's pulled as close together as possible. Our mouths moved perfectly together, like we were singing the same song. I had to pull away first, he was following my lips as they left his own. "I simply cannot believe that I waited this long to kiss you.” I laughed at his words, but not in a mocking way- in a feeling of pure joy. “I'm so glad you did…But my bed looks kinda lonely. I'm sure it wouldn't mind, two more people?”

He raised an eyebrow at me, jokingly. “What are you saying, Alias? Trying to get me in your bed.” I sighed softly, kissing his forehead, and backing up from him slightly towards my bed.. “You have to be my boyfriend's first jackass.” He gave me a smug smirk. “Oh so I have to be your boyfriend to get in bed with you huh?” Anthony walked towards me slowly. Once he reached me, he lifted me up slightly and watched me fall on the bed. Immediately laying down next to me. “Looks like I'm your boyfriend now, darling.”

This idiot- “Very smooth Ant- But yes now you are my boyfriend.” He didn't ask, he just said. I'm sure if I would’ve said I wasn't comfortable with it he would’ve backed off but after what just happened there, I'm sure he knew.

He pulled me closer to him, feeling his chest go up and down with his breathing, hands wrapped around my waist and our legs tangled together once more. It was the same yet, so different, at the same time. “Good night, Alias.” He kissed the top of my head softly. “Good night, Anthony.” I repeated the action on his cheek.

Laying my head down on his chest and feeling my eyes slowly…fall closed. Finally meeting the sandman.

(George was not happy about our wasted tea bags, he found in the trash the next morning.)

I'm not going to lie i went crazy when you all actually liked the first part- thank you so much for the likes on that post! i genuinely really appreciate it!

[sometimesiammybpd]

i've said a lot that i'm probably aromantic. still don't honestly know how much of that is true because i don't understand any of my feelings, thoughts, or otherwise, but there was one person i think i truly loved. and no, it wasn't nathan. i've fully come to the understanding on that one that i was just so happy to have a relationship that that's what was the driving force. either way.

if you saw one of my more recent posts about me talking to someone again and the excitement already wearing off and all that stuff, then you'll know the subject of this post. no fake names and no obligatory long history followed by "here's where x, y, and z went wrong" (although something did go wrong, obviously). i met this person originally through a mutual friend that i am no longer friends with. i believe in another post, i called them blake. don't really remember. either way, our friendship took a long time to get right and there was a few seriously huge bumps along the way that almost ended it before it could start. but once we were able to find the stride, it was perfect. and it's the only friendship i've ever had where i can honestly say that, including my best friend whos also my FP. because they're also the only person (as i said) i've honestly felt love for in a way that wasn't strictly platonic. and it confused the hell out of me at first because i didn't even know what it was i was feeling.

our friendship literally was everything i had ever wanted. we talked every day. both of us were so excited when the other one would text and at least for me, i genuinely tried to be awake as long as possible and as early as possible because i just wanted as much time as i could get to talk to them. i didn't want or try to be obsessive, of course, but i just. never felt that way ever about someone. and i mean, we were like literally two peas in a pod because we understood each other so well. and outside of the goofy or silly moments, we were also both there for each other in the bad or worst moments too. stuff i won't go into detail with because their problems are NOT my story to tell and mine was basically undiagnosed bpd. it was genuinely amazing. and i think that's why we both started to like each other. on my end, when it started to cross the line past friendship into more than friends, i started to try and research / understand some of the more serious things they had to deal with because it was really important to me. i didn't want to say i would be there to try and help and not know or understand what was being told to me. because the two biggest things is / were their osdd and pots.

in the simplest terms i can give (because i knew enough to help, but not enough to even want to try to call myself an expert or anything. there are a million amazing resources about both if you wish to learn more. i highly encourage it.), osdd is a condition that usually forms because of serious childhood trauma. when the trauma gets to be too much for someone to handle, they sub-consciously form alters which are different voices basically in their head that then take control or as it's called "become the host" of the body to protect the person from said trauma. and there can be multiple alters and it can be a lot on the person, especially said person referenced here because it's not something where you can "choose" who is in front. it just happens and it can make things worse at times as much as it can help.

pots is a physical condition that causes an abnormal / fast heart rhythm when standing up, lying down, among other things. it can lead to them passing out, hurting all the time, being tired all the time, all kinds of things. passing out can happen a lot when standing up especially because when you stand up, your blood rushes to your legs for a brief few seconds as your body has now gone vertical and y'know, gravity. not a big deal to anyone without pots, although this is a reason why sometimes you might feel lightheaded when you stand up. people w/ pots experience that all the time because their body takes longer than normal to recirculate the blood back through their body which causes issues.

anyways. like i said, i'm not an expert on either. i'll link some stuff at the end if you want resources because i think it's important more people understand this stuff. either way, i tried my best to understand and research both of these for the person's sake. because they had never really been understood when it came to either and i wanted to stop the cycle, yknow? but yeah. it was basically like we were dating for 3 months or so but not officially. and it was so stupidly sweet and amazing. one of the things i still remember doing was writing an entire stage play effectively with a bunch of characters and stuff for them. their favorite holiday (at least was) halloween and so it was about a ghost house basically and all the shenanigans that go on in there.

and the problem . . . was me. well, it became me. once it became official, my (undiagnosed) bpd kicked in overdrive as it does when you enter a relationship. to which i didn't know. and so, i had a week of one of the worst emotional breakdowns i've ever experienced because i felt something was wrong. i didn't know what, but something was wrong. or something was going to go wrong. or just. and i almost attempted thrice that week. and what came out of that week? me losing this person. it wasn't their fault at all. no one knew or really had a reason to suspect i had bpd, so it just seemed like i was purposely being a child. and idk. all of this is so much of a blur that it's not worth trying to explain what happened. i don't like reliving this time anyways. but it destroyed me when they blocked me after the week ended. and it took me so long to even start to come to terms with the fact that i hurt them. i just.

i've only ever had two friends that i've felt so comfortable with that while i still got the thoughts of like "why would you share that? why in the fuck would you think anyone would want to hear that?" or "what the fuck is wrong with you? attention seeking bitch." or "do you even care about how much you hurt people? why do you think they aren't talking to you. they don't fucking like you." or the best one: "everyone who ever talks to you only does out of pity. you deserve to be alone." basically any of those or about 1000+ more. but even with those, only two friends ever got my unconditional trust. this person and my best friend. and. i still feel so fucking guilty for what happened. i still feel like i don't deserve us to talk again. i mean, other people can get my trust, but i can't. i don't trust myself to not hurt people. because that's how others see me and that's how i see myself. all i've ever known is being the problem. being the one who drags others down and loses people because it just becomes too much for them to handle. and so it makes me afraid. because i literally had everything i ever wanted and i still managed to throw it away. i still managed to be so self-destructive that i ended up alone in a bad mental state because of my bpd. it's not an excuse and i think it's coming off that way. i wish i knew what i did but it's been a year and all parties involved don't know anymore. but i still take full responsibility.

i'm just afraid of what i might do. i don't want to lose them again. i don't want to hurt them again. i don't deserve it to get back to where it was, but i'm also afraid it never will. i just fucking want to stop myself before anything goes wrong or better yet, just not have bpd. just not have all my symptoms flare up tenfold because i found someone that i might actually like. i don't know. i don't know anymore. i want to be happy. i want to enjoy that we're friends again, but i'm just sitting here replaying a year ago in my head as much as i can and scaring myself out of the fear that it might happen again. or that i'm going to end up alone because i'm just that self-destructive.

uhm. yeah. i said i would put links and stuff but right now, the suicidal thoughts are loud and i want to rip the veins out of my arms and drench them in water until i can't breathe anymore. i'll edit them in like tomorrow because it is important to me. i don't know. i don't even know if they can see this blog or not. i just want to not be a fuck up for once. i just. want to be fucking sane and healthy and not feeling like i'm either 21 or 3 and there's no inbetween OR JUST NOT FEELING LIKE I'M FUCKING 3?????

[goodluckclove]

howdy hey

i don't know if the pep talk asks are still open but

im so sleepy and tired and i have too much work

and also my body is in pain like all the time (rip)

and i can't really find the energy to get out of bed and stuff but i do it regardless bc yk. the horrors persist and so do we /ref

Dude blanket statement, I am always open to give a pep talk. Always always. I spend pretty much all of my time writing and being stuck in my head, so actually being able to offer support to someone else though my word-shapes is incredibly validating and a great way to stop pissing myself for like ten minutes.

So yeah, chronic pain. Disabilities. i get it. I'm also disabled, although less physically and more mentally. Still, I have my days where I'm stuck in bed all day. Can't even bring myself to eat, which only makes me more upset.

Here's the thing, though - and let me put this in a way that's entirely too complex but feels right in my head and heart. Everyone is a body of water, and to make it through the day your inner self has to swim from one end of you to the other from the time you wake up till the time you go to sleep. For some healthy, neurotypical, able-bodied people, this isn't usually too hard. It's not always easy, but I believe their bodies of water are typically more still and shallow. Probably far more narrow, too - a river more than a pool.

Others have a wave pool. The kind children fill with urine and used Bandaids. Or maybe it's an ocean that doesn't have a start or end that you can see around you. You take someone treading water there and say just swim to the end, it's easy, and of course they'll be tired. Tired even at the thought of it.

What I mean to say is that people like us can't exist under the circumstances we imagine other people who have never dealt with severe medical/mental health issues have. They're playing Baulder's Gate 3 to cheer up after a stressful workday and we're out there dodging actual magic missiles from bullshit piss wizards while wondering what to eat for dinner. Neither option is better or worse or more important or less meaningful. It's just different shit.

That being said, it could help to stand. Just enjoy a little bit of movement, quietly, only for the sake of the inner you bobbing in the ocean. Basic stretches can be very soothing to get the blood moving. Maybe open a window and feel the air. Maybe get a nice drinky-drink. People say wash your face but sometimes that's hard, so what I like to do is wet a washcloth and just gently rub it over my cheeks and forehead. That's especially nice in warmer weather to cool off.

After you do all that things might feel different. You'll probably feel more awake, and suddenly the next small task won't seem as terrible. Or you'll know you still need rest, and you can just grab a nice snack since you're already up on your feet and keep on resting without pity or shame.

An apple in the fridge works. That's one of my personal favorites.

[jumping-joey1104]

Heya, can I get a Creepypasta matchup?

My name's Altair/Al, I'm 19, Bisexual and go by they/them but he/him or she/her works too! I'm 5'7, with black, really choppy (as in kitchen scissors at 3am type choppy) short hair and dark brown (almost black) eyes. My fashion sense is all over the place tbh, but i usually wear the same 3 oversized black band tees all the time along with baggy jeans (that are somehow still too long even when i wear them with 4 inch platforms) and a bunch of random accessories (i fidget with them alot when i'm anxious). 100% an introvert, but I can warm up to people pretty quickly though. Not sure if I think alot before i act lol, i kinda just do whatever comes to mind (and may or may not regret it later), I kinda just laugh at any bad situations that comes my way (and panic about them internally). I draw in my free time, also tried to play the guitar at some point, and spent way too many hours googling random facts on the internet (usually about animals and human biology). My favorite genres of music are emo, 80s rock and some metal, but im always down for any other genres aswell. I also have a very... questionable, sleep schedule, I either sleep at 8pm and wake up at 4am, or sleep at 4am and wake up at 1pm. I also have 2 cats (Lizard and Tangerine) and a dog (Shortie). Not really the most physically affectionate person but my friends told me i give nice hugs lol.

-Thank u for your time <3

Alright alright! This one was a bit difficult to do but I have come to a decision! No I did not spend all night looking through old wikis and forgetting about my ask box

ZERO!

FRIENDSHIP

Zero is not that well known in the mansion, she's much more abrasive and rude than the rest of the female creeps

But one night she walks in on you cutting your hair with scissors over a sink and something just clicked

Definitely seems like the opposite of you sometimes, but you'd be the first friend she had in a long time

So be prepared for her to be the overprotective extrovert of your friendship

She's probably steal your accessories all the time, but with her being color blind (Monochromacy) she can't tell if they match her outfit

Be prepared to see her in her normal black and white stripes with jarring colored accessories

God help anyone that is slightly mean to you because she'll destroy them mentally

She'd probably ask you to help her with pranks at some point, but know that her pranks often go too far

She's not that physical either, given her upbringing in a bad home and the bullying

However she loves your laid back personality and how you react to things, thinks it's funny in an endearing way

She doesn't sleep... only passing out when she gets way too tired, so she'll stay awake with you the moment you say you cant sleep

She's never had pets so she's a bit nervous that your cats wont like her and tries to stay away from them

DATING

During dating Zero is much kinder, she's still got a bit of Alice in her even after taking over so she has the fear that it's all some joke to be played on her

Constant gifts, you'll find new boots and accessories all the time from her just giving them to you

Although she can't tell the difference between light pink and a light grey so heads up

If she sees you with one of the gifts she gets ecstatic, a ton of compliments and attention

The thought that you actually like her enough to wear the things she gets for you makes her knees weak

She's only had one person really care for her like you do so she's even more protective now

If she sees someone talking to you in a slightly flirty tone or a mean tone there will be a glare down from her

This is when she becomes more affectionate to you please give her a hug she needs it but is still a bit wary with it

Cuddles with her are top tier, she will not let go and makes sure you're comfortable with pillows and blankets

Zero will listen to every weird fact you tell her, yeah she'd make fun of it every once in a while but never interrupts you when talking about weird things you found on the internet

She'll start warming up to your pets, passing out whenever they come snuggle up to her

This is how she finds out she's a dog person, your poor dog will also be just as spoiled as you

[foreverrinmynever-blog-blog]

Lolol hey...12/22/24 6:15am

I'm not even sure why I logged back into this account. I'm not sure what I expected to read but it sure as hell wasn't all that lol. Tf was wrong with me?? If you knew me back then why didn't you tell me I was a fucking idiot 🤣

Maybe I'll start using this again? I've always liked looking back at past journals and such. Really gives perspective. I do have a notebook I sometimes write it but I think it's been close to a year.

Let's give a brief overview of the last 10 years, shall we?

Contrary to my last couple posts on here, Ed was *gasp* not my soul mate lmao. Like maybe a week after my last post he ghosted me cause guess what? I was a psycho mess lol. Seriously reading all those old posts was embarrassing. Happy to say I've grown a lot and I no longer act or think like old Chantal.

After Ed "broke up" with me I went on a few dates, had a few flings, finally learned to chill tf out and also value myself and stop trying to rush into a relationship with the first guy that gave me an ounce of attention.

I don't need to spell the rest out for my future self, I remember how Nick and I came to be. I still question his judgement tbh because I was still a little nuts lol...but it all worked out in the end.

We've been together almost 9 years, April will be 7 years married. We have a daughter of course. Who is currently awake and I'm pretending to still be asleep so I don't have to get up yet lol. Nick and I have had our ups and downs over the years, of course, but we have always come out stronger. I see now that I used to have no idea what love was.

The major happenings in my life as of lately revolve around my thyroid cancer. I had surgery in May and again in Sept of this year. I was terrified of surgery after trying to have it last December and having issues with anesthesia. I was convinced in May that I was going to die on the operating table. But if I didn't go through with it I wasn't getting rid of the cancer so what choice did I have? Obviously I'm alive. The second surgery was a little less terrifying although I'd say the recovery was a bit more painful. But I figured the hard part is over right? And then came time for radiation...

I'm currently 11 days post radiation "glow day". It's been hell. I'm scared and overwhelmed and lonely and frustrated. Physically it's been pretty uneventful, which is great. But having to send Nick and Vicky to Grandmas for a week was the hardest thing I've had to do. Not to mention sending my kitty to my mom's house. Nick and Vicky were allowed to come home on day 6, I've had to keep my distance from them and Nick has had to sleep on the couch. It's better than being home alone like the first week but it also just sucks. I could get into more detail but maybe later. I've been away since 3:30 and I might possibly be tired enough to finally get back to sleep.

More to come later? Or see you in 10 years lol who knows.

[spacecadetspe]

Dec. 2, 2024

Welcome to December, I guess.

When I last updated, I mentioned I had been having nightmares. This is still true, but I've been having more than one dream per night. I'm guessing my processing speed has increased. Not that it's entirely pleasant, mind you.

Soon after my last entry, I had another dream. Drowning in a library, well-lit with tiffany glass lamps. I struggled to find an outlet for the water, but could find none. I tried to use the glass lamps as air pockets to breathe from. The meaning of the dream was not lost on me; that all the wisdom and knowledge I had meant nothing if I was drowning in stress.

I've had cuddles from multiple Oneiroi and a dreaming or two to offset the bad dreams, but the bad dreams still come. I think they're trying to remedy the insecurities, one step at a time.

And that's where I feel like I've gone down a rabbit hole, a bit. I have been craving touch, and not necessarily sexually. I've always loved hugs and cuddles, but I think something about this speaks to an insecurity of mine. For instance, I get hugs from Fortitude all the time. But if he doesn't come to bed several days in a row after work, I start thinking there's something wrong, instead of just recognizing that he was tired and passed out on the couch after winding down from work. I start taking it personally. And that's not fair to him, at all.

With my knowledge that this is going on, perhaps it's time another aspect emerged. That would explain and temper a lot of things.

Last night, I think Ekibyo showed up. I think this because one of my dreams nearly put me into shock; to wake up and then promptly faint again. I had a dream where W lovingly rolled his eyes at me, craning his neck to follow the motion, and suddenly slumped sideways in his chair. I went over to pick him up, and his head came off in my hands. No blood, so I'm guessing it was an illusion, but it woke me up so suddenly I felt my face go pale. I kept myself awake for a bit, trying to play through the dream in a way that would have a favorable outcome, and then at the same time trying to make myself aware that it was just a dream, and it didn't have to make sense.

At some point, I heard him (or maybe Phobetor?) tell me in a low rumble that there are some fears I'm not ready to face. And I understand that. But I don't recall a time when my insecurities have made my life better.

"Why are you trying so hard?" he asked. "You love touch. Is that such a bad thing?"

"Who doesn't love comfort?" I asked. "That in itself isn't a bad thing, but the reliance on it is like an addiction. If I get too comfortable, I won't move forward or face new challenges. I'm tired of being the problem in my own relationships, and I worry that I'm using these physical affections as a crutch to keep me from facing my insecurity of not feeling wanted."

I heard a deep sigh, and then a warm, heavy draping feeling, like a blanket being pulled up around me, or an arm over my waist. "Go back to sleep. We're not quite finished."

I curled up and tried to pull the feeling closer. "Okay."

In the morning, Fortitude was asleep on the couch again. I tried to coax him into bed, but he just turned over and went back to sleep. I hovered there for a little while, dissociating on my phone and sipping my coffee, and then got myself up and started washing dishes. I know it was probably a little bit loud, but hey. I felt like I needed to do something productive.

So... at least I'm far enough out of my funk to feed myself, bathe, and take care of a few chores. I swear, some days I still feel like my dog is still wandering around the apartment, ready to bark at passersby or paw at me for something. But at least I'm functioning. And although I am wary of venting my nightmares to Fortitude, I'm actually grateful to them, and their makers. I have something to push me forward and make me better. A way to get stronger, and people who care about whether I do or not.

I had a look around through the Dream Staff this morning. Hades was sitting at his desk, looking tired again. Must have pulled several all-nighters in a row. I planted an image of his bed in his mind, and he paused.

"Hope?" he said after a moment. He looked up to scan his office, but decided I wasn't actually there. But he knows me well, so he returned the favor by popping up in my office. His heavy warmth is familiar and well-loved by now.

"Telling me to go to bed isn't subtle," he said. "No matter if you're actually present or not; it's so like you to care for my wellbeing."

"Was it that obvious?" I asked.

"Absolutely." He leaned in over my shoulder. "Now come to bed."

I'll admit, I hesitated. I watched him as he opened a portal back to his chambers, and he turned around and looked down at me.

"Is that... Do you no longer like the idea?" he asked softly.

"It's not that," I assured him.

He smiled softly and held out his hand to me. "You can tell me all about it. You know I'll respect whatever decision you come to."

He slid under his covers without getting undressed, and I followed suit. He held my hand while I told him all of what was going on in my head, and then kissed my fingertips.

"You know... I thought I would never deserve this again," he said, rubbing his thumb across the back of my hand. "It never occurred to me that it might make you feel unwanted."

I looked at our coupled hands. Squeezed gently. "I don't think it was you. Not really. I don't think anything you did caused it."

He smirked at me, that devilish little upturn of the mouth that said he knew me better than I thought. "Do you know that I love you?"

I looked away. "Sometimes." I pulled his hand closer to my chest. "When I think about it, all the things you've done for me have been out of love..."

"All the things I've done recently," he corrected.

I sighed. "Fine. Recently." He smirked again, and I couldn't help but smile back. It soon faded, though. "I know you love me... sometimes. It isn't an innate knowledge, though. It's not something that pervades my being and is just always there. Some days I have to dig it up and remind myself."

He nodded. "That's something I understand. You haven't internalized it." He stroked my face and seemed to think for a moment. "If I asked you to, would you come to me if ever you needed reminding?"

"Yeah. I would."

"Then I guess you'd better show up more often." He yawned and curled his arm over me, and in a few minutes he was asleep.

So here's the answer to all those little insecurities. All the arguments I've had with Fortitude. The relentless craving for touch, validation, actualization, and righteousness. I haven't internalized that I am loved.