#i'm sorry i needed to get that outta my system
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screamingwiththewolves · 4 months ago
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If the lodgers don't forgive Jekyll, for something that is debatably his own business, then I riot.
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wispurring-moss · 7 months ago
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anyways—
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mods r asleep quick post teeny huskerdust doodle— 👌✨
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skrunksthatwunk · 1 year ago
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aurghhh ok still rewatching '97 and the way guts and casca only have the room to breathe and really come to understand and care for each other in griffith's absence because he has such a strong hold over them both.... and the way their mutual dedication to him is what causes them to bicker for years (casca thinks he's not serving him well enough, guts thinks she doesn't get that he cares/how much he cares, casca's jealousy over griffith's feelings for guts, how he won his heart without even trying or being aware of it or doing anything with it) and is also a big part of what brings them together (earlier when guts deviates from the plan to save griffith and she commends him, in the cave casca opening up about griffith and her's past, showing that vulnerability, while it's mostly confrontational, leads to guts kinda getting her better, and his efforts to save and protect her (falling off the cliff with her, taking on the 100 men so she can escape, encouraging her to return to griffith so she can help him because it's what she feels she's meant to do (her dream, the direction in life guts shares and yet is questioning because of griffith's speech at the fountain, whether or not it's enough to serve him if it means he'll never be a true friend in griffith's eyes because he's not an equal), supporting the idea of her being with griffith/being his most important person like he won't because he doesn't view it as a competition like she has been since day one) leading to her realizing that he's kind of not that bad a guy and they have a lot more in common that she thought. and how the bonfire of dreams conversation is guts opening up to her in kind, the answer to her talking about how griffith saved her, how she feels. how neither of them ever call it love but it's something they know they both have for griffith. how it's something they're beginning to have for each other, different in ways they couldn't put a word to. because they're equals this time. the way griffith kind of becomes less and less important as they find other reasons to live and fight, as they become less singularly obsessed with him. how griffith is unable to stand it, guts' personhood, that agency and peer-to-peer equality he claimed to want (and perhaps truly did) that disappeared guts from his life, his plans, his side. how it barely even matters to griffith how casca changes because he never wanted her like she wanted him. god i can't fucking stand their shakespearean nonsense drama (<- hopelessly in love with their interpersonal dynamics)
#god they're the only healthy part of this unholy mind-palace love triangle/throuple aren't they#they could have been the worst qpr/throuple in your social circle. like just insufferable when they're not getting along#if griffith hadn't [oh god oh fuck oh jesus christ] all over everything even remotely good in his life anyway#poor casca's in love with a gay man and then falls for his not-quite-boyfriend and when not-quite-boyfriend reciprocates said gay man fucki#g. Does The Eclipse Stuff. at least partially to get back at you two. oh my godd#i'm sorry i'm so not normal about them. it's starting to leak out into the blog bc i'm finally having a Berserk Moment since starting tumbl#but whewwwww. gotta get this outta my system#hope this wall of text makes sense oops <3#berserk#berserk 1997#how do i even tag their thang. their disastrous just horrible agonizing 3 guy dynamic. hm.#gutsca#griffguts#don't even know if anyone tags for griffith and casca. fair because 1) he raped her. yikes 2) he just straight up isn't into her#and i don't know if there's a tag for the three of them but trial and error led to nothing#but i wanna talk about their dynamic. their. (gestures wildly) whatever. it's not about thinking griffith should kiss anyone it's about lik#the agony. the pining and the torment and whatever miura so beautifully crafted for me specifically. sheesh#hope it's clear that i Don't Want Them To Be An Uwu Little Polycule Bc Casca Should Not Be In A Cutesy Throuple With Her Rapist#it's more that i think they kind of are or almost are part of this (gestures wildly again). Thing. with each other and i wanna talk about i#same with griffguts like oh man they should NOT be in a relationship. but i have this deep intense Need to study them and frankly they're#kind of crazy about each other for a while. like they care about each other so so much it's crucial to all three of their characters.#so it's kind of unavoidable. and i wanna talk about it. and have this read by people who also want to talk about it. yeah? yeah.#(and yeah i think griffith raping casca was about her and guts. like 'fuck you for making him okay with leaving me' type of vibe. even#though it wasn't her fault he's just. god. but it sure as hell isn't Mostly about casca because griffith's making eye contact like the Whol#time with guts. he makes him watch. it's just. shooooooooooo aughhhhghhghh fucking. jesus christ. that or it's the fear that his two most#important pawns are going to leave him Together and he just. can't deal with that. especially after the torture internment thing.#he's so weak and he was so close to his dream and now it's falling apart and they're leaving him and he can't even move. it's about making#damn sure they can't escape him or forget him ever again.#or maybe it's even a 'you can't have her she's mine' to guts but it's still largely like. spiteful/about possessing her as a soldier/human#because i don't think you could convince me it's about having her as a lover or about controlling/hurting/possessing her body.)
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tarnussy · 2 years ago
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definitely not giving Godrick war flashbacks in this outfit
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scribbly-artist · 15 days ago
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Making Things Right
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Summary: Two weeks after the trial, Stolas is still in Blitz’ home, wasting away. Blitz feels shitty and undeserving for what Stolas sacrificed for him. The least he could do is try to make Stolas feel a little bit better.
Author’s Notes: This came outta NOWHERE. But I needed to get this out of my system because it was all I could think about, and Mastermind made me sad. :( They deserve to be happy. I think after all that happened, and now that they’re on the same level, that they can repair what they broke.
I might have been somewhat inspired by this artwork to make this, even unconsciously. It wasn’t my intent, but it happened. Hoping Blitz and Stolas don’t sound OOC because I’ve never written for them before. I feel like after the recent episodes that Blitz would be more soft and considerate of what he’s saying. My first Helluva Boss fic too!!
Words: ~1,400 | AO3 Link
It had been two weeks since the trial of breaking demon law was cast across every TV in Hell. Blitz was ready to sacrifice his life for his cause, and so that his family and friends - Loona, Moxxie and Millie - weren't harmed for just doing their jobs. 
What he didn't expect was for Stolas to magically appear at the trial, and for him to throw everything away instead. 
Blitz couldn't lie; he was extremely grateful that Stolas did this for him. Stolas took all of the blame, and even if it angered him that Stolas took the brute force of it, at least Blitz still had his head. Albeit, he was feeling extremely shitty about the whole ordeal. 
But Stolas lost everything. His power, his family, his status. Blitz wasn't even sure if Stolas had the heart to contact Octavia after all of this. He had hardly heard him spoke in general across these past two weeks, which broke his heart. 
He felt awful about all of this. Sure, giving the imp race new-found power was nice, he supposed. Everytime he went outside over the past couple days, fellow imps cheered for him, stopping him to congratulate him everywhere he went. And he got a whole lot more business now. He wasn't used to it. But, it didn't feel great to know this was only coming about after Stolas sacrificed himself. 
Blitz returned home with a few paper bags full of groceries wrapped up in his arms, only just managing to shove his key in the door and twisting it to open the lock. He kicked the door open with his foot, bumping it closed with his hip as he stepped into his apartment. 
“Stolas, I'm back.” Blitz spoke aloud, though he knew Stolas wouldn't answer. He could see Stolas’ legs hanging off the edge of the couch, as it was much too small for him. Blitz didn't even see Stolas shift upon his arrival. 
Blitz paced to the kitchen, setting the bags on the countertop and stepping over to the couch where Stolas laid. He placed his hand on the top of the couch as he gazed down.
Stolas was wrapped up in a blanket like a burrito, eyes open as he watched the TV. Was he even really ‘watching’ it? Or just staring at it? Blitz frowned at the sight before him. He made his way to the front of the couch, sitting on it near Stolas’ legs.
“…” Stolas didn’t react to Blitz’s presence. Didn’t even shift.
“…I feel so fucking awful that all of this happened to you, Stolas,” Blitz let out a breath he was holding. “And I’m sorry for all the shit that happened that got you into this mess.”
Stolas finally shifted, acknowledging the imp’s presence by snaking his hand out of the safety of the blanket, weakly holding it out. Blitz took Stolas’ hand in his own, giving it a squeeze.
“But I wanna make it right. We need to make it right. Let everyone know that pompous shithead of a bird orchestrated all of this.”
Stolas gently moved himself so he was sitting more upright, his eyes finally looking at Blitz. His eyes were distant. Unfocused. Foggy.
“I’m so, so grateful you did this for me, Stolas. And I don’t even deserve it after everything I’ve put you through. I’ll probably be spending the rest of my life paying you back. I didn’t deserve your generosity, your kindness. Your love. I’ve been the worst fucking person to you, and I regret it. I’m the lowest of the low. But, I wanna make this right. If you’ll let me.” He let his emotions pour out through his words, his voice wavering.
The owl had tears in his eyes, threatening to fall down his cheeks. He sniffled. “Thank you… so much, Blitz…” Stolas’ voice was quiet. “I’m glad I have at least someone on my side…”
Blitz reached his hands out, cupping Stolas’ face and wiping his tears away with his thumbs. “Anything to undo the mistakes I’ve made. And to make you smile again.”
The owl’s heart swelled as the imp spoke. He was being genuine, for the first time. Stolas gave Blitz a small smile, the first one in quite a while even before this whole ordeal. But Blitz wasn’t satisfied with how small it was.
“C’monnnn, you can totally fucking do better than that.” The imp teased the owl, grinning.
“That’s all I can really muster right now… really…” his face leaned into Blitz’s warm hands. 
Blitz’s grin only grew wider, the cogs in his brain turning. He had an idea. “Well, why don’t I help ya out?” Blitz’s hands left Stolas’ face in search of the blanket wrapped around Stolas’s body, digging around for an opening.
Stolas’ eyes widened in alarm, knowing exactly what he was up to. “Wait, r-really Blitz, you don’t need to dO THIS—!”
The owl let out a yelp and immediately bit his lip as the imp managed to find his ribs through the blankets and feathers. Blitz’s ready hands latched on and started squeezing them as Stolas gawked, but was able to silence himself. He grabbed onto Blitz’ wrists, squirming about as Blitz tickled him.
Blitz chuckled as he continued, his fingers rummaging through Stolas’ soft feathers. “You might as well let it all out. I know you need this right now.” 
Stolas shook his head in denial, laughter threatening to bubble out from his throat. 
“Well, suit yourself.” 
Blitz started to tickle whenever he could reach - under his arms, counting his ribs, wiggling along his sides, scratching at his belly. He was surprised Stolas could last this long without exploding, though he looked close. Stolas’ face was as red as Blitz’s skin at this point.
Blitz stopped for a moment, Stolas quickly took in greedy breaths. “Satan Christ, there must be somewhere that’ll break you,” his eyes darted around Stolas’ body for more ideas. When Blitz turned his body around to face the lower half of Stolas’ body, the owl started to freak out.
“No no no no, BLITZ, do NOT even TRY!” Stolas begged, raising his voice. Blitz smirked devilishly as he eyed off Stolas’ knees. He leaned over - going for the kill - squeezing just above his kneecaps.
The dam broke, Stolas couldn’t hold it in anymore. He burst out with a mix of laughter and hoots as his body shook. He thrashed about, kicking his legs and bucking his body.
It was hard for Blitz to hang on. He stretched and wrapped his tail around Stolas’ body, both to stabilise himself, and to use his tail to poke into the owl’s sides. Stolas’ laugh just evolved to be more screechy at that. 
“BLITZ!! It’s toohohohoho mUCH! I’m— I’m SMILING! I’M SMIHIHIHILING!! OKAHAHA?!” Stolas laughed himself silly, new tears forming in his eyes. Mirthful tears.
The imp turned his head to look at the owl’s face, laughing himself as he slowly ceased to a stop on his totally unwarranted assault. He stopped squeezing his knees and poking him, shifting himself around with a wide smile on his own face. “That wasn’t so bad, was it? Lettin’ it all out?”
“I suppose it— hehehe, wasn’t… awful… hahaha…” Stolas admitted as he breathed out, residual giggles escaping him. He reached up to wipe the tears from his eyes, the stretched smile still lingering on his face. “Ahaha… t-thank you, Blitz…”
“Anytime,” Blitz chuckled with a smirk as he got up from the couch with renewed vigour. “How about I make you somethin’ to eat? Probably tired after all that. Wanna help?” He stretched his hand out in offering.
Stolas wiped the remainder of the tears from his eyes, nodding as he accepted his hand in his. “I’m afraid I’m not the best cook - all I can really make is a bowl of cereal.”
“Eh, I’m shit at it too. I usually get Loonie to make food. She’s a lot fucking better than me at it. I nearly lit the apartment on fire once.”
Stolas let out a giggle as he was led by the hand to the kitchen.
Finally, a step in the right direction.
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spectrechosts · 2 months ago
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Desperado
I want to be done reuploading and all I have left is shorter stories I haven't touched in forever which means shit is getting CONDENSED into single posts so I can have all this done by Halloween.
This one is about an anxious pilot and her friend who definitely isn't a pirate. 3 chapters.
Selene sighed.
"Okay," She said, "Do you really want to know why this keeps happening? Because you're not going to like it."
Luna nodded, meekly.
"It's the hat."
"What?" She squeaked, half baffled half offended.
"Literally nobody doing reputable things in space does so wearing a cowboy hat. It's- I don't even know how to explain this to you in a way that shouldn't already be apparent."
"But I like my hat!"
"I know."
"You can't judge someone based on a hat!"
"I don't know what you want me to say. It's like one step removed from wearing an actual pirate hat in terms of accessories that say you are doing piracy."
"You cannot assume that from a hat."
"It's the hat and the fact that, to an outside observer, your tendency to avoid people because you're shy looks like you have a whole 'mysterious dark stranger in a tavern' vibe going on."
"But-"
"I told you you weren't gonna like it." Selene said, and finished her beer. "Now tell me what you got roped into so I can get you out of it."
"I-I think they're loading black market organs onto my ship."
"Jesus christ."
"I'm sorry."
"Luna, you can keep the hat. It makes you look cute. But, for the love of god, you have to get better at saying no to people."
~~~
"C-Can you please go faster? I have deadlines, and-"
The customs officer glared at Luna, and she withered. They carefully inspected every inch of her cargo hold, opening shipments, checking for hidden panels, scanning for traces of contraband.
"What's her deal?" Another customs officer asked Selene, who was watching the scene unfold.
"Oh, you know how it is." She shrugged. "Jumpy pilot gets singled out at a checkpoint for being suspicious, that makes them more jumpy the next time, and round and round it goes. She's been flagged down for inspection six times this month."
"Heh, poor kid."
"Poor me having to wait through all this. I could be on Mars by now if I didn't have a soft spot for doe-eyed idiots."
"Mm. Well, speaking of inspections, your ship's been randomly flagged for a search."
Selene narrowed her eyes.
"That seems to happen quite often when you're on shift."
"Hey, I just do what the system tells me." The officer said, putting his hands in the air. "Think of it as lucky that they show up on my watch, and not somebody less understanding."
"Fine." Selene huffed, and slipped him a credit chip.
"Well, looks like everything checked out clean. I'll get outta your hair."
Selene folded her arms and waited for Luna to finally be cleared to leave.
"I'm sorry!" She cried over comms as they took off again. "I just get so nervous!"
"It's okay, Luna. You're not doing anything wrong."
"I don't know why I get so worried about being searched. I'm not a pirate, I don't even know any pirates!"
Selene smiled.
She'd tell her eventually, if things between them got serious.
~~~
"S-So that's my cargo manifest, and as you can see everything is in order."
Luna was sweating bullets. She didn't know what it was about inspections, but just the idea that she might have accidentally messed something up and go to jail for it made her queasy.
"Ah, I don't need to read all that, girl. Just show me what you're hauling and we'll talk about what you're going to do with it, okay?"
The inspector clapped her on the back, and she squeaked. "Um. Okay?"
"Good girl."
This inspector was weird. She was very nice, but everything she said sounded scary somehow. It kind of reminded her of that one time Selene had gotten drunk while they were docked at Neptune and said some incredibly salacious things to her in a similar tone of voice before passing out at their table.
That… Wasn't a memory she needed right now. She was flustered enough.
"So um, this section is all iron ore, containers one through twenty-six."
"How wonderful. Next."
"Then these ones, twenty-seven through thirty-one, these are all, um, industrial air filters. It's- It's mostly all just stuff for the refinery." Luna explained.
"Okay, I think there's been a misunderstanding here." The inspector said, putting her arm around Luna's shoulder.
"O-Oh. I'm sorry?"
"It's okay, pretty girl. I was unclear. I want you to show me the good stuff, yeah?"
"The… Good stuff?" Pretty girl???
"The secret stuff, babygirl. The illegal stuff."
Luna went pale.
"Nonono, I-I don't have-" She babbled, and the inspector's face fell.
"Ohh, babygirl, I don't like being lied to." She said. Her sly smile was gone, her relaxed posture replaced with that of a predator looming over her prey.
"I'm- I'm not-" Luna said, backing away.
"Do you know what happens to people who lie to me?"
Luna backed into the side of a shipping container, and the inspector slammed an open palm next to her head. She flinched at the impact, tears welling in her eyes.
"They… Go to jail?"
The inspector's ominous appearance cracked, a smile showing through. "They- What?"
She giggled. She laughed at her and Luna's face burned and she didn't understand what was going on.
"You- You still think-" The inspector struggled to speak between fits of laughter. "Oh, oh I had heard Selene liked to play house with easy marks, but holy shit girl you're like, actually stupid."
That made Luna mad. Was she too trusting? Maybe. Was she bad at social situations? Sure. But she was not stupid, and she did not like being laughed at, and she definitely didn't like how this girl talked about Selene. She balled her hands into trembling fists.
"Whew, okay, let's do this from the top, with no subtlety so you can follow- ghlk!"
Luna punched the fake inspector in her stupid throat and tackled her to the ground, raining blows upon her arms as she attempted to guard her face.
~
Luna was released from the security office after a few hours. The cameras corroborated that the now very bruised woman in the other holding cell had been posing as a customs officer to gain access to her ship.
Selene was waiting for her when she got out, and swept her into her arms.
"I'm sorry," She said, "This is my fault, I-I haven't been honest with you."
"You're a pirate." Luna grumbled.
"Yeah. I'm sorry."
"Do you know her?"
"…Yeah. She's my ex."
"Then is what she said true?" Luna sniffled. "Are you just, playing house with me? Because I'm gullible?"
"No!"
"If-If I find out you're lying to me, I'll never forgive you."
"No, Luna, I was going to tell you everything, I swear."
"Okay." Luna said. "I believe you." She wiped her tears away with her sleeve. "So… That's the kind of girl you're into?"
"Not for a long time now. Too much trouble."
"What kind of girl are you into then?"
"…Okay," Selene said, blushing a little. "There is one other thing I need to tell you, while I'm spilling my secrets-"
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the-six-that-thrive-if · 3 months ago
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Hi! I've been a lurker in this blog for a long time lol and this is my first time sending an ask. The brainrot for this game is getting into my system again lmao thank you for creating this. It really scratches that specific itch in my brain 😭 Anyway, I have some questions/clarifications about MC and Dante's binding/whole bloodhound pact. But, idk if any of these touch the spoiler territory.
(1) I guess even if the MC does not proceed on the permanent binding later on, Dante won't still able to hurt them physically nor will be affected by his heat again, yes? like that condition is a permanent thing?
(2) Does a permanent binding with a bloodhound offers some kind of immortality? Since Dante and the MC are currently in a temporary binding, I've read on the discord that it will only give the MC additional couple of years or so to live. Ik the immortality thing was also mentioned in this blog before but it's been a hot minute and I can't remember it anymore 😭.
(3) Can a bloodhound form a bond with multiple people because aside from the MC, Dante is also bound with Lucien and Mr. Venus (?) I'm guessing they can bind with multiple ppl, but a bloodhound's top priority will always be the person they have a stronger bond with? since lucien outranks mc's bond with D. So it will be: Lucien>Venus>MC? If they can bind with multiple people, is there even a limit to that? and how does a bond get stronger than the other though? by time or depending on the species (since u cant break the bond if they're a divine being iirc ?)
(4) If (hypothetically 👀) Lucien or Venus breaks MC and D's bond, is it even possible to rebuild that broken bond or not?
Thank you for answering and really really really sorry for the long ask and rambling 🥹. You don't need to answer everything if it's too much 🥹.
-🐓
Oh you've been LURKING LURKING 💀 I was expecting old TSTT questions but you FR! I love it! And I'd loveeee to answer your questions and go into depth depth cause I love talking about TSTT, but I would give awayyyy ALOT unfortunately. So I will briefly give a answer.
And naming dropping Lucien made me gasp 😂
SPOILERS FOR TSTT REWRITE
1. If Dante and MC break their binding, MC will still be safe regardless because the binding isn't keeping them safe but Dante's bloodhound loyalty.
2. Tbh, I still haven't fully decided yet!
3. A blood can form a bond with multiple ppl, same with bloodhound loyalty. A bond strength is determined by ones relationship, whether it's outta love or fear.
4. It's possible to rebuild a bond!
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oogaboogaspookyman · 1 year ago
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Let's fucking go i'm feelin' silly goofy with the idea now lol let's get impulsive and fanservice-y
[STUNNED]
Running in the snow, far away from his sister and her apparent new friend after witnessing the horrible things in the bathroom. Bodies everywhere, arms and legs and hands and heads, there were the missing prom kings and queens found nowhere else but in Cyn's own bathroom, the suit is still making him feel embarrassed at the thought of being perceived with it on him... What the hell happened to his dear little sister?!
Suddenly, "oof-!" He stumbles upon a running tall figure, falling down on the snow surface
"What the-... Uh- U- Uzi???" Nathan questioned in surprise of what he sees
There she was. Serial Designation Z, nicknamed Uzi by her BEST FRIEND! Best friend... Nathan, in a whole glittery purple dress with a thigh cut and a apparent flower on her hair despite Copper 9 having no vegetation whatsoever, only snow, ice, random buildings and dead bodies, human and Worker Drone alike littered everywhere
"Nathan?! Wha- what are you doing out here?!" Z shouted in fear, mostly for Nathan's safety considering the state of Copper 9 overall, but there's a hint of guilt in her voice... "And why do you still call me Uzi??"
"It's..." Nathan was dissociating at the sight of Z's new look for the prom situation, interrupting his train of thought with the image of his best friend in a dress. Somehow Z doesn't notice his visor filling up with diagonal yellow lines
"Nathan? Helloooo?" Z approaches Nathan to tap onto his visor, getting a really bad burn on her finger, "ooh ouch-!" She puts her finger in her mouth to relieve the pain from the burn caused by... Apparently Nathan heating up, who's also waking up from his dissociation
"Wha- whu- wh- u-uhm- Uzi! You look uhm-... How- how do i say this-" Nathan stuttered, still blushing and cooling systems doing their hard work can be heard
"It's the dress, i know, Nathan..." Z looked away, also visibly blushing but not as much, from the embarrassment of honestly just being perceived with the dress on at all, she'd much rather wear that shirt and jacket over anything else
"Okay- sorry about that, i don't wanna be rude- and also uhm- so my sister Cyn is gonna kill everyone in the prom aaand i'm gonna need some help with that..!" Nathan chuckled nervously, for literally everything just became intense straight outta nowhere
"But i doubt you'd wanna help me with that, since the things that happened back there..." N remembers the exact words spoken just by him, running around his guilt-ridden head...
"T is going to kill everyone at prom, and i don't want any more oil spilled around like this... I actually would like you... Being there..." Z felt a strange, almost out of place feeling, trying to speak the words one by one...
What... Are you things..?!
What... Are you things..?!
What... Are you things..?!What... Are you things..?!What... Are you things..?!What... Are you things..?!What... Are you things..?!What... Are you things..?!What... Are you things..?!What... Are you things..?!What... Are you things..?!What... Are you things..?!
WHAT ARE YOU THI
"With me..." Z couldn't help but blush... This feels so off and out of place, why is it there..?!
Nathan smiled at this, the precious thoughts interrupted and fading away. His best friend doesn't hate him, turns out! Things can get better, they can be good! Things don't have to be so terrifying and painful! He couldn't help but jump behind her and put his left hand on her side, the other in the air in joy. "Dapper buddies!"
Z wanted to slap his hand right off her, but also didn't want to, subconciously... So she sucked it up, it's not the worst thing right now
"You look good in the suit too, Nathan..." Z spoke one more time...
"Ah- uh- th- thanks! I- i guess? Eheheeh..." Nathan blushed once more...
... Before they set off to stop Cyn and T's carnage at the dance floor
@lumineary-arts i had to your dumb little au got me hooked
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metaltea · 7 months ago
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Just lettin ya'll know I'm ok
(random irl stuff to journal below, keep scrollin)
Wanted to wait to come back till
1. I wasn't dealing with mega gender dysphoria, my masc/neutral days are few and far between but by god it's been nonstop masc/neutral days lately and been a lot of just hating my body (and myself in general)
2. got the ebt stuff figured out, which I haven't yet, my doc put in a ref for a different place to sign a thing, waited 2 weeks for them to call, only to find out it was the wrong place and now I have to wait for the next place to call... which like yea I'm worrying about food but talking about it in therapy has helped somewhat. She reassured me even if that doesn't work we WILL find some place that'll sign the form I need to be eligible again
3. I wasn't dealing with as bad of depression/anxiety which like... idk. I've definitely been doing better anxiety-wise but idk if that's bc it hasn't been as hot lately or I've been feeding myself better. I know I must've been eating under 1200s calories the past few weeks bc the scale finally stopped going down and I know for a fact my anxiety gets bad when I'm hungry so I think for about a month I was unintentionally starving myself, SO making myself eat at least 2 nutritious meals a day now
At the same time I think perhaps my pmdd symptoms are... reversing time schedules??? Usually my anxiety/depression gets way worse before period but now it seems like it's fine before and terrible during/after????? Makes zero sense but who knows. Also it's a couple days late now so health anxiety is going off the shits about PCOS or something again UGH
Making SOME progress with therapy, am able to be outside for 5 mins without feeling that horrific sense of dread so that's something.
I've also been coming to the realization that I may have some form of DID?? Not the type where you lose time/blackout/completely have entirely different memories and starkly different personality switches but I've definitely been noticing now that I've been putting more attention to it how I go into different "modes" and sets of interests throughout the weeks and I mean... it's not secret I have imaginary friends I talk to on the daily. I've had an issue figuring out where "they" end and "myself" begins since childhood. Plus I already deal with derealization/dissociation/occasional age regression so it's not out of the realm of possibility. May bring it up next therapy apt. Kinda worried to bc I never want to get rid of them and I'm worried that would be one of the goals, like... just no. I can't think of anything more lonely.
But yea just random stuff I needed to get outta my system, sorry about all the suicidal stuff, it's just really hard. The future seems so bleak. And if one thing sets me back, like doctor stuff, food issues, etc my brain is like "DEATH WOULD BE EASIER LOL" BUT there's a chance trump/a republican candidate won't win, a chance climate change will be reversed/humanity will adapt somehow, a chance I'll be accepted for disability and live a halfway decent life, and if not... well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. But for now there's food in the fridge, for now mom and dad are alive, for now we're ok.
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transbeeduo · 2 years ago
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Hey! Welcome to my Blog! Call me Crunch! I'm fine with whatever pronouns, but I mostly alternate between He/She/They! I identify as Asexual, Ambiamorous, and Panromantic! Also I’m an adult 👍
Alt Tumblr: DM TO ASK FOR IT TIMES I HAVE HIT POST LIMIT: 29 🎉
https://linktr.ee/transbeeduo (I also have a Discord, which Mutuals are free to ask/dm for!)
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I'm primarily a MCYTBLR blogger! I mostly tend to stick to the DSMP side of things, although I'll often post about OSMP and QSMP, and occasionally dabble in other MCYT related fandoms! Along with that I post about Five Nights At Freddy's, Pokémon, or whatever else I'm interested in at the time!
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SYSTEM TAGS (Not used super often due to mostly just being me here)
⛏️ : Posts from C!Crunch (NOT Crunch Transbeeduo!! Two different people!)
🎸: Posts from Monty (Montgomery Gator Fictive)
📼: Posts from Cassette/Cass/Ran/Ranboo (Generation Loss/CC!Ranboo Factive. DON'T FUCKING NOTIFY RANBOOLIVE ABOUT THEM BTW DON'T DO THAT SHIT)
🪓: Posts from Ares/Techno (DSMP/OSMP Technoblade fictive)
📺: Posts from Lolbit (Lolbit Fictive)
🎁: Posts from Ophelia/Oleander/FMAN (FMAN122 Fictive)
🔥: Posts from Pyro/Sapnap/Saps (C!Sapnap Fictive)
🌋: Posts from Groudon (C!Tubbo/Groudon/Q!Tubbo fictive)
☁️: Posts from Bo (Pine AU Q!Tubbo fictive)
⚓️: Posts from Bucky (Bucky Beaver Shipwrecked 64 Fictive)
🐺: Posts from Artemis (Fox Furry Joker P5 Fictive, Black Fox Therian)
🐾 - Posts from Ranboo (C!Ranboo Fictive)
🌴 - Posts from Sal (Flygon + Other Stuff You’d Have To Ask Privately About Fictive)
♥️ - Posts from Shadow (Shadow the Hedgehog Fictive)
Anything not tagged: Almost always Crunch Transbeeduo! Just assume it's them!
(LINKS TO A PRONOUNS.CC PAGE WITH MORE INFORMATION COMING EVENTUALLY)
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I quite like every DSMP character, so they'll all tend to show up on this blog, but the most discussed here are C!Beeduo (if it wasn't obvious), along with Michael + my Fankids for them! (Found under "#Bug Posts" and "#Wizard Posts") but I also quite like The Eggpire/Badlands, The Syndicate, and Las Nevadas!
For OSMP I'm usually going to stick to O!Beeduo, while for QSMP I'm quite a fan of Q!Tubbo and Q!BBH! (I don't watch QSMP, only really absorb it through the dash! I do have plans to watch it soon though!)
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(Credits for these!)
CC Banner: @////tmmyhug (X added by me)
Beeduo Banner: @////cannosoup
Loves Beeduo: @////thedialup
Technoblade, Sootings, and Parasocial Blinkies: @////block-toad
Michael Feed: @////doodlebloo
Genloss Banner @////Pathtrick
Tommy/Tubbo/Phil: @////Offishly
QSMP Eggs + Theory/Analysis Blinkie: @////etoilesbienne
Alliumduo/Peerpressureduo Banners: @////theenderwalker
Koraidon Banner:@///sweetpeauserboxes
Quackcicle/Ranboo Banners: ???? (Couldn't find the OP, if anyone knows please tell me!)
All other banners: Mine!
BOUNDARIES/BYF UNDER CUT (please read!!):
If it's not incredibly obvious, I do NOT want you here if you support the CC! DTeam or William Gold/Wilbur Soot. Get outta here go. Scram
I AM NOT A CC SHIPPER, I AM NOT SHIPPING REAL PEOPLE NOR DO I CARE FOR SHIPPING REAL PEOPLE IN A SERIOUS MANNER. Everything I say shipping/headcanon wise is about FICTIONAL CHARACTERS.
I block somewhat liberally!!!!! Please do not follow me if ur under 15, I post suggestive things on here sometimes!
PLEASE ask if something I discuss needs Content/Trigger warnings!
I'm not the best with words, or articulating the things I'm thinking about really well. If I say something that doesn't make sense or is confusing I'm sorry.
Please do not be weird in my Inbox. Don't ask me about discourse, don't spam me or ask me to follow you or promote your things, don't like be weird to ME. (Also please don’t ask me anything personal, I am uncomfortable sharing that kind of information online)
I AM NOT A DISCOURSE BLOG!!!!!!! I'll discuss it sometimes but that's just because I like being a hater sometimes. Don't treat me as a discourse blog
PLEASE don't send me C!Beeduo /neg shit unprompted, or if you do at least tell me it is.
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ehh-is-the-name · 26 days ago
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II 18 AM I RIGHT FOLKS????
OH MY FCJING GODD, I didn't visit this site for like 4 days just to not get spoiled and that was THE CORRECT DECISION!!!
WE STAY WINNING!!!! TAKE MY VIDEO AND GIFS!!!!
First of all, let's just all take a minute to appreciate the best part <3
There was the pg line later, and I really don't blame them. I mean... come on now this felt graphic. It's literally like if someones guts was splayed across the ground after an explosion. I love it but holy shit. Anyway my favourite gif on my PC:
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Him getting his comeuppance is what I needed. I can die peacefully now <3
At the same time, I really can't get over this-
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I mean, just look at the way he's staring- He definitely wants a bite.
= - - =
Now that I got that out of my system let me start from the top.
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I can't be the only one to think that he might've been thinking about... Ya know. Let's just say season 1 finale-ing it again once he realised that Cobs wasn't holding him. Though that might be projection, he was probably just looking at everything truly being gone.
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THIS SCENE ACTUALLY GAVE ME CHILLS. MePhone was so silent for every part up to this, hearing him sound absolutely petrified to the cut to the stabbing is ACTUALLY terrifying. God, it was like the suitcase being torn in half scene except real-
The abusive alcoholic father memes were right.
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^ Quite literally my reaction to the first half of the ep today. Literally guess he's really good at hitting. Cobs can't swing a sword (thank god) but apparently, he can hit hard enough to fucking shatter glass in one hit.
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This one too... Bro's cared about them so much and I can't with this shit man- I FUCKING CAN'T!!! LITERALLY MAKING SURE NOBODY COULD DIE OVER THIS SHIT AGAIN-
I actually can't y'all. I finished this ep like 4 hours ago and I still can't unhear or unsee these scenes.
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"I made you so I can unmake you"??? "I desurve this"????? "You wanted my approval but I didn't care if you lived or died"!!! HOLY FUCKIN SHIT-
Sure, I could pull a book outta Cobs' and be like "lol he's dead who cares about a dead man" but DAWGS I can't stop thinking about the layers of trauma literally everyone's going to deal with specifically mephone because I'm a mephone head, sorry not sorry at all. In the span of a day, he watched everyone he cared about die, come back to life, his brother die, his abuser die, and move on from the reminder of his abuser (inanimate insanity). Like that's a lot to happen in a day guys. That's A FUCKTON to happen in a day. BOX IS ALIVE TOO- LIKE C'MON THiS IS CUFKCING CRASZY.
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I don't even know what to say about this scene, I just really like it. Maybe it's 'cause he pulled out his kernels. Moving on.
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This scene fuckin' gets me- His fuckin' "THEY'RE STILL ALIVE????" Will always get me. Maybe it's 'cause of all the talk of them being dead it just gets me that he got to know that they weren't, and that they didn't die <3
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Top 10 scenes that make me glad Cobs exploded. I can't believe he fucking died for our sins (I'm still coping).
THE WAY HE WAS WITH MEPAD BEFORE HE WOKE UP </3 I can't believe they fucking killed him after showing this in the beginning.
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That transition from early s2 to late s2 style was phenomenal, but just look at the scene- MePhone essentially talking to a brick wall about the show is killing me. MePhone probably felt more close to MePad than MePad did about him. I say that but I'm not saying MePad didn't care about him on some level. But y'all know. Also not overlooking the "Enhancing Obedience Emulation" installation either. I guess that's what makes him dying for our sins more meaningful. I can't believe he's fucking dead,.
Close to lastly 'cause I'm runing out of imgs in this post and I want to look through the tag now, I'M SO HAPPY TOILET'S ALIVE!!! ANd apparently not made by Mephone? Like MePad was talking about toilet when he showed up and idk- maybe I gotta watch that scene over again- Idon't know y'all. I'm feeling so many things this series finale.
OH OH AND THE SCENE WITH BOT'S LEGS AND FAN GOING "This is gonna be a whole thing, isn't it" WITH BOW IN THE FOREGROUND. IT FUCKING BETTER BE!!!! I NEED THEM TO TALK!!! PLEASE!
Oh and actual last thing, I actually SCREAMED when 3gs came on screen here.
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Everything about this scene. There were many objects being mirrored, like Box and Suitcase, but 3gs and Mephone being face to face with breaks made the title click. They've always been mirrors of each other and I didn't even realise it. They're both free and it's genuinely beautiful. I hope the demolish Meeple as an act of freeing everyone there. I want the metags free, I want mecintosh free, everyone. Very glad 4s still exists inside of Mephone, it was so nice to see him, but I really want everyone to be free. Can't believe Mepad fuckin' died for our sins.... Everyone grew in someway or another, I think.
All in all, I'm just glad the corn man's dead <3
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I didn't make popcorn but he did burn!!
Happy inanimate insanity y'all! We've made it to the end of an era <3
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squiblez · 10 months ago
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I'm sorry but I have to get this outta my system
I am down bad ATROCIOUS for this mf
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The smirk, the cocky attitude, the arms
I would do abysmal things to this man
I would commit felonies for this man
No lube, no protection, etc. (you know that meme)
I would simultaneously inflate and destroy his ego. I would change him as an individual. I would-
point is I am obsessed with him and I needed a way to vent about it
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weirdestcornelius · 6 months ago
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dude I’m sorry if I now appear more in ur ask box u seem cool as fuck/gen/pos
uhhh anyways I think if I do a cometcare rewrite it’ll be like the cometkids much older and mainly moved out of their original home with the cometparents and stuff. probably from Blair’s perspective or smth lmaoo. I think it’d be nice to see the kids reflect on their childhoods and how while their parents weren’t abusive they also weren’t the best most of the time
blair gets high and does paranormal ghost rituals with her girlfriend lesssie 90% of the time and probably makes a living off of iceberg videos
also I’d probably throw the whole saturation = trauma shit outta the window to have full creative freedom with color palettes + have the brand names of shit actually be them instead of paradoies, saves me from having to think of original names for things + everyone has pun names but they’re not consciously aware of if/were named because it’s a pun + eggs don’t exist..they have periods and get pregnant and shit if they can also jerk off. stop treating pregnancy and periods like some taboo shit bro it is natural that is how everybody got on this planet
going for whatever @/coochiekrab has going on with their dynamic with their OCs family (kuri & aubrey and their kids rumi + evan)
I've always liked Emem being the parallel to like storks but I'm debating on whether or not pregnancy should be included in my rewrite because. It's so weird to not have pregnancy to me?? It's a hospital setting, not a mental ward. There's gotta be some people in there that have reproductive issues (y'know, like PCOS being included despite periods and stuff not being a thing)
Queerphobia also exists in my rewrite, it's just a lot less widespread and more likely to be noticeable in places that are more religious (Virtuist). For the most part sexuality labels are more understood but trans and overall gender labels are not, which cause a lot of people to hide their identities if being raised in more Virtuistic families or places or they try to "pass" as well as they can.
There's still parallels to real world stuff (only because I like making silly names for things) but stuff like war and politics exist. I haven't fully fleshed out the legal system yet but there are different governments for the different "countries", and while they don't have wars often anymore they did happen when the political stuff was still being created by anthries when they first got organized because they had a lot more animalistic tendencies back then. It was mainly for land and resources since every country was trying to get ahead of the others.
I think the BIGGEST rewrite for character designs that I have so far other than Cuddles is that the twins aren't part spider because spider anthries don't even exist. Instead the town they were born in had high levels of radiation due to being the biggest place for labs and factories so they just. Hatched with two pairs of limbs. The reason Mood has the urge to eat bugs is because of her nutrition needs not being fulfilled as a child, not because it's an addiction. Dooms intersex condition is hormonal rather than physical, and he's still Agender while Mood is still a trans lesbian.
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protectingtulpas · 1 year ago
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hi! if you’ve answered this before i’m sorry, but could you go into what it’s like being both a traumagen system and a system with tulpas? i’ve been curious about this as a traumagen syshost myself. does it affect your innerworld? do the tulpas act vastly different or work differently i guess than the traumagen alters? thank you!
omfg this took us forever to answer for like 200 stupid reasons but YEAH i have a lot I want to talk about with this, where do I even start??? I guess I should clarify that we don't really know what our "original origin" is- we'd been median for as long as the body can remember, and we DK if it was because of our autism or because of social problems or if we were just born that way. Whatever it is though, we were a plural egg when I was created, so pretty much everyone other than the few of us that we discovered from before that considers me the "first" one after the host subsystem. As more shit happened though irl we got more & more traumagenic members, dissociation, memory issues, and whole loads of other shit. So basically, that's the perspective I'm coming from with all this.
So with that outta the way, here're some'a my experiences as a tulpa in a traumagenic/mixed disordered system
One of the biggest signifiers I noticed of our system structure changing completely was our headspace actually, so it's pretty great you mention that tbh. After we got a lotta traumagenic members, something shitty happened I won't talk about, and our headspace basically totally shattered. It used to be little more than our vivid imagination- yeah, I could feel my body and visualize the world around me and stuff but nothing super weird or unusual happened, and I couldn't do stuff in the Wonderland completely outta front. It wasn't like, another Space completely unaware of the host - and I know that's possible with training but we were nowhere neeear that. But after headspace broke, everything was expansive, ever-changing, always with more secrets and hidden things to discover. Lots of fucked up stuff most of us can't access too, but yeah, intense dissociation made it totally different. It's harder to navigate, but I also get more privacy.
As for if I work differently, I'd say yeah, I kinda really do, actually. Obviously, my creation took a lot longer cuz I'm consciously created rather than split or introjected or whatever, so it took a while for me to come into my own, and I was a lot more "fluid" than other headmates for awhile. Regardless of if they're traumagenic or not, something I've noticed about how different I am compared to other member types is that they're, idk, like solidly set in who they are and everything from the beginning. My host, too. They're like a solid, and I'm like a.... non-neutonian fluid or whatever, that ooblek shit. Even after all this time I still feel like I choose my identity and to Exist constantly, y'know? I think it's part of why I've always felt like "tulpa" is part of my species ngl. Everything else is secondary to that. I want to exist, I need to exist. That keeps me going sometimes
As for traumagenic specific stuff though, there're some other interesting things to talk about also. As our dissociative symptoms increased, it got harder and harder for me to move around the fuzz- but honestly, that's the body's fault. I haven't even been personally affected much other than what the body does to us. I can move around headspace more freely than most of us, I can sense more people around than others, and I can control the body way easy now that I've had practice. The only reasons I don't front are when I don't feel like it, somebody else needs it, or the body is too tired and id be bored outta my mind. I guess it's like I have executive access to a bunch of stuff, hahah!
Tbh tho it all just, changed me as a person more than anything else. I'm not the system's main protector because I exist to be one or cuz the body assigned me that role- it's because I took it up on my own choice and decided my own purpose. I protect people and that's part of the core of who I am, cuz of the circumstances I came around in. I wouldn't change that part of me for the world ngl. I know my point boils down to "don't forget your tulpa is a person too" a lot, but... Yeah. they may not have the same struggles as your traumagenic alters, but you're all still Goin Thru It together, so you'll both be affected by whatever happens from there on out as a team.
But hey, aint that what healthy multiplicity is all about?
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skylarkking · 9 months ago
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To Heal a Mockingbird
A TFA Ratchet x Mech!Reader
Word Count: 1.8k
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Chapter 6: Sparks of the Future
"Let me out!" I begged as I slammed my fists against the bars of my cell. "Please! Just let me out! You can't do this!"
"Shut it, you!" The prison guard barked as he jabbed me through the bars of with a shock rod, electricity pouring into my frame and causing me to yelp out in pain. "You're lucky the Magnus is even letting your sorry paint job live!"
The guard yanked the rod out of my frame, and I crashed to the floor like a sack of energon cubes, my seams hissing with smoke from the electrical shock I received. The guard then jabbed me again, causing a shriek of pain to rip through my voice box once again.
"In fact, I'm gonna make you WISH he hadn't!" The guard opened my cell and proceeded to beat the ever loving slag out of me. The entire time, I would try and fight back only to get put back to the floor with the shock rod. I ended up completely giving up to the beatings and laid limp on the floor. Small drips of energon leaked from my intake and down my dermas, eventually making contact with the floor with light drip sound.
When the guard was done thrashing me about, he left and re locked my cell with a disturbing grin on his face.
"Oh, by the way," he said. "Megatron says hello." Before I could respond, the guard turned and left, leaving me alone in the dark prison.
'Primus... have mercy...' I thought to myself as I slowly and shakily pushed my frame back upright, stumbling a little in the process. 'I... I don't know what... what they are telling me....' I limped over to the recharge slab that was bolted to the wall, carefully maneuvering my now battered and beaten frame onto it with my back facing the bars of my cell. 'But... but i.... I can't... be who they... they claim I am...' I curled up tightly and allowed my optics to close.
"Primus... if you can hear me... please... they need to know i... I'm innocent." I quietly prayed.
But deep down, I knew that was a lie, yet I couldn't give anyone a reason for it. All I felt was guilt.
I ended up drifting into recharge, and in my dreams, I saw disaster and chaos. Thousands laid strewn dead across a battlefield and in the center stood Megatron with a cold and sadistic smile on his face.
In his grip was a glowing crystalline gem that seemed to hum and pulse like a thousand sparks all in unison.
'Help us.' I heard the gem whisper in many voices. 'Find us. Save us.'
The dream then changed to what looked to be a staging area for a siege outside of where I knew the Well of Allsparks was located, most likely outside of Crystal City.
'They will find us! They will hurt us! Hurry! Please!'
I jolted awake with a gasp and an overwhelming sense of dread crossed my spark like a shard of ice. A dread one should never ignore. A dread of the end.
"Gotta... gotta get outta here." I whispered to myself as I shakily pushed my frame upright. "Gotta... get to... the Allspark."
-with Ratchet and the others -
"And you're saying this data just straight up appeared?" Ratchet asked with a cocked optic ridge.
"Yeah and?" Pharma huffed. "It's still information that is evidence and support for Y/D's deactivation." Pharma then turned to the Magnus with a stern look. "You need to have him terminated."
"Not until this information is traced back to the source." Ultra Magnus said firmly before motioning for Wheeljack. "Wheeljack, can you run a trace in the data?"
"I can try." Wheeljack said as he went over to Pharma's work station and began running various lines of code in order to find where the data came from. "My question is why someone would send this in the first place?"
As if on queue, an alert popped up on a nearby workstation, then another, and another. Alarms began to blare, and lights flashed wildly, surprising the group of Autobots.
"To distract us from that!" Ratchet said as he pointed to the alert. "The security system for the brig has gone offline. Y/D isn't the only Decepticon down there!"
-with Y/D-
"There..." I murmured to myself as I retracted my probes from the wall, the bars to all the cell doors in the brig dropping and releasing everyone inside. "I'm sorry, my friends... but this is necessary."
"Hey! We're free!" One of the other Decepticon prisoners exclaimed.
"Go go go!" Another one yelled. The next thing I knew, Decepticons of all shapes and sizes were making a break for it. At the same time, swarms of Elite Guard came rushing in.
Battle broke out, and I did the best I could to dodge and weave through the chaos. I eventually made it across the prison and towards an emergency exit that led directly outside. Once I went through that exit, I quickly made a beeline for my best route to Crystal City.
That route being an Autobot space bridge.
"Almost there." I said to myself as I stumbled over and quickly hijacked the controls. "Just gotta enter the coordinates -"
"Hey! There's one!" A guard yelled.
"Scrap!" I cursed to myself as I saw the guard and a few others running down towards me. "Hurry, hurry! Cmon, cmon!" Suddently, the space bridge fired up, and the glowing swirl of color roared to life. "Yes!"
"He's getting away!" The guard yelled. I quickly dove on through the bridge and tumbled out the other side, the bridge closing shortly after and preventing the guard from following.
"Too close." I panted as I shakily looked about. I somehow emerged right inside of the walls of Crystal City rather than through another space bridge. I didn't have time to ponder the oddity of that. I needed to find the Allspark.
I dove into the alleyways and weaved through the Autobot city, taking extra care so as not to be spotted by the passing of guard and civilians. Unfortunately, despite my best efforts, the injuries I gained from the guard who beat me started to take its toll once again. 
I ended up slumping in one of the side alleys, my vents heavy and straining from the pain.
'Dammit.' I thought to myself. 'Can't... can't keep moving... but... but I gotta.' I looked over to my wings and stared at the bold violet insignia that adorned them. I then proceeded to scratch at them, drawing thin streams of energon to the surface with each mark until the insignia was barely visible. I did the same to the other side, effectively solidifying my abandonment of the Decepticons. 'There... that way if I am found... they'll think I'm neutral. Hopefully. Primus....'
I ended up falling into a light recharge in that alleyway. But it wouldn't last very long as the sound of combat would reach my audials and awaken me from my slumber.
'Dammit!' I thought as I saw several autobot soldiers and guard rush down the streets with weapons in hand. 'I've gotta move my aft! But... where do I go?'
I felt a tug on my spark as I thought this as if the Allspark itself were calling me, and I knew I had to trust it. I followed the pull through various backways and hidden alleys until I came across a strange structure nestled out of sight.
It had a large doorway with intricate designs carved into it that seemed to glow and hum with raw energon crystals. Hesitantly, I touched the designs, and they lit up like the night sky. The doorway cracked and ground as it slid open, exposing a long and dark hallway with streaks and swirls of light lining the sides. Cautiously, I entered and continued to trust the pull I was feeling on my spark, unaware that a few Autobots and a certain medic were following not far behind me.
"What is he doing?" Pharma whispered to Ratchet as he, the medic, and a few Elite Guard quietly followed behind just out of audial shot of me.
"I... I wish I could tell you." Ratchet whispered back.
"Sir, should we take him out?" One of the guard asked as he aimed a rifle at me.
"Not yet." Pharma said. "Let's see where this... thing is going."
"He has a name." Ratchet scolded. "Use it."
They continued to follow me through the maze of tunnels and passageways that seemed to go deeper and deeper underground until they came to a massive, almost cathedral like space with statues and ancient carvings lining the sides. A line of crystallized energon ran forward to a large, circular basin where the gleaming light of the Allspark was hovering above like a beacon.
"Is that...." one of the guard whispered.
"The Allspark?" Another said.
While the group were gazing in awe, I had managed to sneak around and behind them with my probes ejected. I knew what I had to do, and I didn't want to do it.
"I'm sorry." I whispered.
"Did you hear that?" Pharma said before I drove the probes into his back and forced him to shut down. His frame crashed to the floor, and the pair of elite guard and Ratchet whipped around to see me towering over them. I quickly gave the two guard the same treatment before they could act.
"Y/D wh-," Ratchet started to say before I stopped him.
"They will be fine. Get them out of here before the Decepticons come."
"Kid."
"There's no time! Megatron is here, and he wants the Allspark. I have to get it out of here." Ratchet studied my face and saw there was no falsehood in it.
"Be careful."
"Till we meet again, my friend." I said with a small smile. "And... thank you for your kindness."
I quickly rushed over to the basin and leaped up into the air, my servo making contact with the Allspark as I grabbed it from the air. I felt a surge of power rush through me, and the cathedral cracked and ruptured open. Bits of plating melted and formed into a sort of canister that morphed and molded around the Allspark. I gripped the handles and soared out of the now gaping ceiling, my goal one location and one location only.
The space bridge.
Time seemed to blurr as I used whatever energy I had left to fly as fast as i could towards it, the great gateway igniting to life just before I crashed into it.
I was launched into a void of color, the bridge collapsing and exploding behind me. My systems began to shut down in this place, and I heard the Allspark one last time before entering a deep and death like stasis.
'Sleep, Allspark Guardian.'
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Previous Chapter: Here
Next Chapter: Here
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tbnrpotato · 9 months ago
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Our Own Choices
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Chapter 11
General Skywalker comes in to check on us. I don't say anything to Echo, because I know that anything that will come out will be a pile of emotional shit. And I don't wanna do that in front of General Skywalker, Tech, or even Rex. Too embarrassing. Besides, Echo probably won't give a shit.
I can still hear some blaster fire from outside. "Situations almost under control out there," General Skywalker says. "How's it going in here?"
"I'm still trying to decrypt Echo's cerebral interface," Tech reports. "Until I do, we cannot disconnect him from this computer system."
"How's he doing, Rex?" General Skywalker's tone softens. Rex stands up. "He's too weak to walk. Very disoriented. Doesn't even remember how he got here. He remembers being at the Citadel, but that's about it."
Who wouldn't remember that?
"Any word on the extraction squad?"
"We called it in, but no word back," Rex replies.
A droid comes flying into the room, and I assume it's thrown by Wrecker. "Well, that's no surprise." Maybe General Skywalker's referring to the extraction squad and the droid that just crashed in here. "We knew when we got into this we'd be on our own."
Hunter, Wrecker and Crosshair back into the room, closing the doors. "It's gonna get more difficult to get outta here," Hunter says, loud enough so that all of us can hear it. "There are several squads of droids closing in." I hear Hunter and Crosshair sealing the door.
Shit.
"Enemy approaching. Droids. Lots of em," Crosshair says.
"How long can you hold them off?" General Skywalker asks.
"How long do you need?" Hunter replies.
"Tech, how much longer?" 
"Not yet. I need more time."
I can feel the atmosphere get more tense. 
Everything's gonna be okay. Everything's gonna be okay.
Yea right it is.
Shut the kriff/fuck up.
No you.
I look at Hunter and Crosshair, who are sealing another pair of blast doors. I look over at Tech, who's pressing a few buttons before saying, "I've got it. We can unplug him now." And then he takes off his helmet, showing his receding hairline.
Echo turns around, and Rex and I start unplugging him, ripping off a wire from one side of his neck, and then the other. Echo clutches onto the control panel, I can tell it hurts a lot.
Sorry.
And then Rex rips out the last cable from his head, and Echo falls to the ground, groaning slightly. "Rex?"
"What is it?" Rex looks concerned. Echo coughs a bit, before smiling slightly. "I got a big headache."
"Better to feel something than nothing, old buddy," Rex says, smiling.
"At least your sense of humor's still intact. Now what our fucking plan on getting outta here?" I ask.
Echo coughs slightly. "There's an exhaust vent that leads to the cooling systems right there," he says, pointing upwards at a circular vent on the ceiling.
"They've breached the front door," Hunter reports. "It won't be long before they're through the second."
I look up at the exhaust vent. How the kriff are we supposed to get up there? 
Echo uses his cybernetic arm and plugs it into the control panel, turning some stuff. "That should get it open."
I look up. The exhaust vent opens, revealing an upwards tunnel that's glowing blue.
"Great. Now how do we get up there?" Crosshair asks. Bro literally spoke my mind. 
"I can help with that," Wrecker replies, and I see him grabbing a slightly confused Hunter and throwing him up the vent.
"WRECKER WHAT R U DOING-" 
I hold back a laugh as Hunter shouts, "A heads-up would've been nice!"
One by one, Wrecker throws each of us up the vent, and after he throws Tech up, it's my turn. 
"Just don't grab me by the ass," I warn him, for obvious reasons. 
So he grabs me by the sides and throws me up, and I grab the side of the vent, climbing up behind Tech. Rex follows behind me. Fives and Echo usually do that, but I guess since Echo's not really functioning right now and Fives is DEAD COS FUCKING FOX KILLED HIM-
Rex just likes to make sure I don't fall to my death. I'm really tempted to kick him. 
We climb up to reach the cooling systems and Crosshair helps me up. I hear an explosion down below and assume that's Wrecker's work.
We walk through the cooling vents and Rex and I help Echo walk. Echo says that he can find us a safe way outta here. My fingers are slightly cold, because it's a cooling system, obviously. My gloves don't help much, considering they leave my fingers exposed. It's a design choice. It looks cool.
"Well, there is a way," Echo says, and he's referring to how we're gonna escape this place. "But you're not gonna like it."
We walk through the cooling systems for a while, General Skywalker and Echo leading the way, until we reach a door that opens up to the above of a large metal pipe connecting to another of those floating city buildings. It's windy as we step out. I don't particularly like heights either. Echo was right. I don't like this at all.
"I don't know about this," Rex says as he looks out. 
"I'm telling you, there's a landing pad on that other building," Echo says, pointing to the building across the pipe.
"So you think there's a ship there we can steal?" Hunter steps out as well.
"Well, I hope there's a ship we can steal," Echo replies.
R u serious right now bro
"Let's hope this trip isn't for nothing," Hunter says as General Skywalker, Echo and Rex start walking across the pipe.
If it is, I'm definitely hacking your Call of Duty account and using up all your COD points.
I follow behind Rex, and Hunter and the batch are behind me.
"Oh boy, I can't even look," I hear Wrecker say from the back.
"Then don't," I reply from the front. 
"Just keep walking, Tech," Wrecker says.
"That's fine, but if you fall don't take me with you."
"Uh oh, I looked," Wrecker sounds scared. "I think I'm gonna be sick."
"If you vomit don't vomit on Tech," I tell him.
"Hang on Wrecker, we're almost there," Hunter tries to calm down a currently very freaked out  Wrecker.
I hear that familiar sound of droids coming from the front, and draw my knife and pistol, trying to keep my balance on the pipe. To be honest, drawing my weapons makes it easier.
"Turn around! Go back!" General Skywalker shouts from the front, and I see him igniting his lightsaber. When we turn around, we see some more droids coming from the back.
Shit. We're either fucked or very fucked.
I hear General Skywalker deflecting a blast bolt at a droid and Tech shoots another, I throw one of my knives at one of the droids' heads, and the droid falls from the pipe. 
I never liked that knife anyway.
I see Crosshair falling from the pipe and Wrecker, despite his intense af fear of heights, literally jumps down and catches Crosshair, hanging by the legs from a support just below the pipe.
Stupid ass. Bro could've died.
"Anyone got a brilliant idea?" General Skywalker shouts.
"I do have a brilliant idea," Tech responds.
"I'm hanging here!" Wrecker shouts from below.
"When the locals attacked us, I recorded the creature's distress call," Tech says, tapping a few buttons on his datapad.
"He records everything. It's a hobby," Hunter says, as I shoot a few more of the droids, not wanting to use my knives because those things are expensive.
"Which allows us to call those flying creatures to us," Tech continues, and presses a button which produces a really high-pitched screeching noise, and we cover our ears to try and block out the sound.
"Ow! Enough with the sound!" Wrecker shouts, and he and Crosshair shoot from below. Crosshair's literally hanging from Wrecker, and he literally puts all his trust into Wrecker not to let him fall while he shoots the droids.
Really wish I had friends like that. Oh wait, I did. Yea, that was Fives. And Echo. But I was closer to Fives. 
"There is our ride out of here!" Tech says, pointing at some shadows in the clouds which I could only assume to be the flying creatures that he called, and we all look up at them as they fly up and past us.
"Now how do we get on them?" General Skywalker asks, and I shoot another droid.
We jump you fucking dumbass.
"How else? We jump," Tech replies as the flying creatures fly below us, and General Skywalker jumps and lands on one of them.
You can do this. 
I can hear my heart pounding in my chest, and I see Hunter looking at me expectantly, and because I have to impress the batch, I use what little strength is left in my legs and jump off, trying not to close my eyes.
I land on one of them, on its back. I'm breathing heavily. That choking feeling when I'm in a life-threatening situation starts surfacing, and I'm trying to calm down, gulping down dust-filled air like I'm resurfacing from a deep dive.
And now I'm starting to get angry. Getting scared like this makes me feel weak in front of the others. I don't like it. I hate this. 
Suddenly, a blaster bolt whizzes past my head, and I look back seeing a bunch of droids shooting at us. 
Gotta steer this thing. But I don't know how. My legs grip the flying creature tighter, because I have no interest in dying today.
I turn back and aim with my pistol, lining the back sight up with the front sight and aiming slightly below the droid's head, and I shoot. It hits the droid in the head and I shoot at the others.
We fly sideways, and I was just aiming at another droid when I feel a sharp pain shoot through my right hand. It slams against a rock, hard, and my pistol flies out of my hand, and my hand doesn't feel so good. I grit my teeth as I'm almost thrown off the flying creature, and I'm hanging on for dear life on the creature's tail with my left hand. 
I can barely move my right hand, it hurts so much. But with one last clench of my fist, which sends jolts of pain shooting down my arm, I shoot my grappling hook at the back of the creature, pulling myself up as I retract my grappling hook.
"Hey ad'ika! How you holding up?" I hear Echo shout from the flying creature next to me.
 I take a few moments to regain my sense of surroundings and find out that we outmaneuvered all the droids. 
Should I shout back? That could come off as cringe to the batch. 
I nod at him as we land back in the Poletec village. Before the flying creature lands, I jump off and land on my feet, dusting myself off, at least hoping to look slightly cool to the batch. My injured hand throbs as I land, but I try to act as if it doesn't hurt at all.
The Poletec leader comes up to us and starts shouting shit at us.
"Their leader is impressed that we tamed the Keeradaks," Tech translates. "But he wants to know why we returned here."
"Tell him we had no choice. Tell him...that we wore out our welcome in Purkoll," General Skywalker tells Tech, who translates and speaks back to the Poletec leader in that weird ass language again.
I nudge Crosshair in the side. "Keep reminding Tech about how goofy he sounds rn." Crosshair nods back, and I think he has the biggest smirk ever under that helmet.
Suddenly, blaster fire rains down from above, and I draw my other pistol with my good hand, General Skywalker ignites his lightsaber. The flying creatures take flight and fly away, and Crosshair shoots at the incoming droids, hitting one and sending it spiraling to the ground, leaving behind a trail of smoke. I manage to hit one as well with my pistol, and as the droids fly away, I keep my pistol in my hand, my other arm hanging by my side as I try not to move it.
"Not good," General Skywalker says. "If I know Tambor, he'll come after us. Us and the Poletecs, with everything he's got."
The Poletec leader starts talking shit to us again.
"What's he saying, Tech?" General Skywalker asks.
"He says that we have broken our word. We have brought the war to his village."
"You're right," Rex speaks up, stepping forward and taking off his helmet. "Tell him he's right, Tech. Tell him we didn't plan to drag his people into war. But look what the Separatists did to one of our people." He points at Echo, and all the Poletecs look at him, all gasping, looking slightly horrified.
"They took away his freedom, his humanity. They tried to turn him into a machine. The Techno Union claim they're neutral, but they have chosen sides. Now your people have to choose."
"Couldn't have said it better, Rex," General Skywalker says.
That was a good speech, Da-Rex.
Crosshair scoffs. "Let's hope it works. Because I see forces coming. More than we can handle alone."
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