#i'm sorry i gave cancer to a puppy

[valdevia]

VCRV (Verrucous Carcinoma Retrovirus) is a virus that uses reverse transcription to insert its genome into the host cell's. In rare cases, they may carry fragments of the host's DNA with them, passing them on to the next animal they infect.

Foreign DNA being inserted into the genome can end up causing a cancer that expresses genes from a completely different species.

VCRV creates cancers that are similar to Papillomavirus around the mouth and throat. In this case, a dog was infected by its human owners, leading the carcinoma to express human HOX genes that regulate the growth of fingers.

[icarusredwings]

Snippet of my one fic series im calling

"Finding home."

This comes after DOG TAGS. They're spending the night at the Xmen mansion when someone pays them a visit. Established Poolverine.

Warning: Wade is just.. Wade. Logan (worst wolverine) is learning to stand up for himself, Complicated stuff with Jean Grey and other xmen characters. Post unknown context.

Angst, emotional hurt/comfort, fluff.

Coming into the room, Logan had found Wade lying down. Sprawled out beautifully like a dame in one of those fancy paintings. As if he was worn out. This had pleased him greatly. It meant he had so much fun that he was satisfied with the level of exercise and socialization for today. Something that was a rare sight.

Walking over, he climbed into the bed with a big smirk, pulling him close, underneath him.

“Hey..”

“Hi.”

He chuckled softly, starting to kiss him all over. The kind of kisses that meant he was hungry for something more, already nipping at his lips and his neck. Putting his head back into the silk pillows Wade groaned, putting his hands up to the back of his head, beginning to pet him.

Sliding his shirt up, It wasn't often that Logan let himself wonder so confidently. Which is why Wade whined, his stomach fluttery a bit as he groaned. Maybe it was because Logan was leaving a trail of nips down his abdomen or maybe it was because of how nauseous he was getting, but something wasn't right.

“Oh god. I usually would never in a billion life times say this but.. Stop?” What ever has gotten into Logan had got him good because he only chuckled again and bit his ear, Holding him by the hem of his jeans. “Sorry, Bub, But you're all mine now. Stuck with me. So get used to it because you're gonna be scr-”

“Logan Stop.”

Almost instantly, Like a switch he sat up, No longer touching him. In Fact the look he gave him was filled with concern and almost ashamed for the things he's done. For not stopping the first time. There've been plenty of times where stop didn't actually mean it, but he knew better when it was said in that tone.

This only made Wade pout more. Look at him!! All confident and ready to play the way they've been training his self confidence for. And the dirty talk too? Come on! How he was sitting like this? All obedient and worried for him? Ugh! He only wanted to fuck him more now. It wasn't fair.

“I'm gonna puke.” He stated a quick explanation that made the man frown, his thoughts instantly going to because of him, as if he were too gross to play with, but a single brain cell pipped up as he remembered his dear fiancé was not new to throwing up.

“If… if you don't mind. Do you think we could just cuddle tonight?” He asked, looking almost ashamed of himself too, feeling bad for turning him away.

“Yes. I mean- Of course… Do you want help?” Watching him light up like a puppy with hope to be helpful.

Wade couldn't help but stifle a laugh, giggling after the scoff. “Can you hand me that trash can? And.. maybe look away. Or something.” He muttered, not liking when people saw him so gross, especially not him. No one wanted to kiss you with vomit in your mouth. Within a few seconds, He fetched the trash can, sitting next to him as he rubbed his back.

“You're alright.” He whispered, reassuring Wade that it was okay, that he could do whatever he needed to do, and no one would be mad at him. Sometimes, he became upset with himself for times like this. Thought it ruined the moment, and past shitty hookups have convinced him it was true and his fault.

This was the opposite of looking away, but no one really wanted to be alone when sick.

“You're burning up…” he mummbled, looking away but kept his hand on him as he hurled, gagging and grunting how much he hated doing this.

Listening to him try to catch his breath was the worst part for him, knowing how sensitive he was to unauthorized breath play and cancer didn't exactly believe in safe words.

“I know.. I know.” It took him about a month to finally get it when he first moved in, that Wade wasn't lean and thin because he wanted to be, Rather, he could barely keep anything down some days.

“It's alright. Hey. You're okay. I got you.” He whispers to him. Wade put his head back, tears in his eyes as he breathed deep and slow.

“There we go. Better?”

Starting to nod, this quickly became a shake of his head, putting his head in that trash can again. Oh, the poor thing…

Opening the door, Logan swallowed as he saw her. “Hey…”

To make matters worse, there was a knock at the door. God, they couldn't catch a break, could they? Without even getting a chance to ask, Wade went off to the bathroom, slamming the door. He always did prefer a toilet, really. It's much easier to throw your guts up when you don't have to worry about holding a bucket full of vomit. Much easier to clean up too, just flush it instead of rinsing it and cleaning it with soap.

“Erm.. Hi?”

“Look.. Logan I- We.. we're sorry. For everything.”

Crossing his arms he looked away, leaning against the door frame. “I don't know what you're talking about.”

“Yes. You very much do. You claim that you're different, but the way you've been acting shows that we even hurt you in your timeline, too. So.. While I don't know what we did then, I want us to be on good terms.”

“Us?” He asked, a little confused, shaking his head a bit. “Jean.. that was a long time ago. And you're not even the same person. I'm not even the same person.”

Blinking, Logan looked outside of the door, as if trying to see if there was anyone else. “I'm sorry- this is bothering me. We?? Who's we?”

“I know.. but that doesn't mean we can't apologize... Maybe start over? We would like that."

“Well.. you know how he can be.”

“Jean, Usually when people apologize, they're in person and say it to their face. Not send their pregnant wife to come confront them by herself.”

A Small look of horror came to her face, as if she hadn't told anyone else yet. A look that said ‘How did you know?’ But she only sighed.

“Only ever what mattered…” His nose crinkled a bit, Able to smell it. She wasn't far enough along for him to tell if it was a boy or a girl, but the baby was healthy. That's all that did matter to him. There was nothing wrong with worrying for a friend's child.. was there?

“I never could hide anything from you...Could I?”

“Logan, Please. He really is sorry. He's just.. you know.. with the school and you of all people know how much a man's egos can get in the way of things...” She mumbled, taking his hand, rubbing over his knuckles.

She wasn't even doing anything with her powers, and yet he felt this intense wave of relief fall over him, only for it to be instantly covered with a sense of protectiveness. She always had that effect on him. He wanted to protect her no matter what.

Swallowing again, he pulled his hand away as it started to sweat.

“That's exactly my point.. If he actually was sorry and believed he did do something wrong, He'd be standing here with you, now wouldn't he?”

“That's not-”

“I'm not finished!” He growled, tired of being spoken over. Wade did a hell of a job to connect his emotions to his mouth, and now he wasn't shutting it off. He worked hard to turn his grunts into words. And she would litsen.

Becoming quiet, she nodded, Implying that he could finish without another interruption.

Taking her other hand, he held both of them.

“I know you're an independent woman. You always have been. But you shouldn't have too. You need a man that will not only defend you, but will take care of you, and stand next to you for things like this.”

This speechless promise quickly becomes a lie. “Logan-” Her eyes were almost… hopeful.

Tears welled in her eyes but wouldn't let them drop.

“I'm not that man.” He started, shaking his head slowly as he did, not wanting her to get any ideas.

“Not anymore… Do you understand? Hell, Even Forge stands up for Ororo and would defend her until his last breath despite her practically being an all-powerful weather goddess!... and your husband won't even stand next to you while saying sorry? Think about it.”

“F-for what?”

“Jean, I'm sorry.”

“Because I'm happy. I was never going to fit into your marriage. Not ever. Not… well. At least. Everyone thinks that relationships are finding someone who matches your puzzle piece. When in reality it's finding someone who's willing to change pieces to fit. I mean- I'm engaged now!” He whispered this bit, almost excited, leaning down some to talk to her.

“Is.. he okay?” She asks.

“How crazy is that? The Wolverine settling down? Crazy to think about. And with a dying maniac at that.” He smiles, only to frown, hearing a big cough and a groan of frustration from the bathroom. “Oohh Fuck..” It said.

He now stands, putting his hands in his pockets. “He gets tummy aches.” He lied, whispering. “Gluten sensitivity.”

“Ooh…then why is he-”

Just before she could say it, Wade came out with a stretch, seeming better as he dramatically held his stomach.

“We're pregnant!!”

“No- we are not.”

“Pfft-” snickering some, Logan put his hand to his face, rubbing it embarrassedly.

“Oh we so are! Don't you remember? It's the only reason he's marrying me really. Got me knocked up and now we're having A shotgun wedding. How scandalous! I can see the headlines now.”

“There's not going to be any headlines, you lunatic!” He chuckled, almost at the brink of giggling.

A frown came to her face, only to softly smile.

“... I've never seen you laugh like that before.”

“Huh? Oh… heh.. yeah. I uhm… I didn't know that I could..”

“Hmm.. Well.. I guess I should be going..” She whispered. “Leave you two alone..” Turning to leave, she had mixed feelings about the interaction. Happy for him yes, but also now had other topics to think about.

“Mmh.. Yeah.. Oh- And Jean?”

Turning, the hope in her eyes made him frown, feeling sort of bad for being kind of a jerk to a pregnant lady. “When Scott grows some balls? He knows where to find me.”

Sighing, she nods. “…Goodnight, Logan.”

“ ‘Night.”

Closing the door, he came back to bed, still giggling a bit. “Why did you tell her we're pregnant? I can't get you pregnant, idiot.”

Laying on the bed, Wade looked slightly offended. “Are you calling me a liar!?”

“I'm calling you the biggest liar.”

He shrugged. “Oh well. And who knows? Maybe I got a cancer baby in there or something.”

Rolling his eyes, He climbed under the blanket with him. “Oh shut up. You don't have a cancer baby.”

“You never know…So…marrying a dying maniac?”

“Oh… how much of that did you hear?”

Grunting, He rolled over, Putting his face in his hands again. “Nngh.. I'm sorry.. I didn't mean for you to hear all that..”

“The bathroom has surprisingly thin walls.”

“It's alright. It's always nice knowing that you're just as big of a whore as I am.”

“Hey! Am not! It was just… complicated.”

“That's what whores say when they can't pick one dick to ride” he giggled, Rolling over to climb into his chest, nuzzling up under his chin.

“Are…are you sure you aren't happier... here?” He asked, the questions slipping out.

So many things were running through his mind, things that he probably shouldn't be thinking but he's learned that as long as it stays in his head, no one would get hurt… except.. that was the hard part.

Logan let out a deep sigh. “Wade?”

“I mean- Do you even like that i'm with Vanessa? What were you doing? Being a barrack bunny? But for the mansion? The mansions personally sex pet or some kinky shit like that?”

“Yeah, yeah.. shut up.. I know...”

“Wade.”

“hm?”

“I let you cut up my dog tags…and turn them into a ring”

“Technically Forge did that- actually.”

“.. a ring that you own now.. right?”

“Uh… yes?”

“And dogs go with their tags.. right?”

“I guess so?”

For a few seconds there was silence.

“So what does that mean?”

“25- no! 26. I'm pretty sure it's 26.”

“What?” He laughed. “That wasn't even a math question.”

“Ugh, just tell me. I'm not good at stupid riddles! If I ever met the riddler I'd just shoot him in the face.”

“The who-? erm, nevermind. If the tags belong to me. Yes?”

“Ok..”

“And now you own them. Yeah?”

“Okay..”

“Then that means..”

Blinking, he suddenly gasped a few seconds later, going into a giggle fit as he held him tight. “Oohh!! I wanna get married!”

“We will. Just not yet.”

“Tomorrow!!”

“No-”

“Why!?”

He wasn't tucking and running anymore. He would stay like a loyal mutt. As long as he wore that ring on his finger, he'd follow him. Whether here, or at that shitty apartment. He didn't care which.

“Because.. you deserve a good one. And good ones aren't planned overnight.” Logan smiled.

“And for your information… I was always the Barrack bunny..”

“GASSSP!! No way!! Same!”

“Yeah I figured that much… and.. As for Vanessa? We're inviting her to the wedding right?”

“Obviously. Duh.”

“.. Go ahead and kiss her after me.”

“Shut up and take orders, Wilson.”

“Really? But that’s- I don't think-”

“Yes sir!.. erm... peanut?”

“Do you still want too?....you know”

“Hm?” It was these late night talks that really made him enjoy having him around. The pressure on his chest, the gabbing, the giggles. It made him feel young again.

“Eh.. not really. 'm tired."

“Oh thank god! My stomach is killing me.” He groaned. Shifting them to lay on his side, Logan pulled him close into his chest, rubbing his stomach softly.

“Behave, Jr.” He mumbled, earning himself another laugh and a deep kiss. “Mmh..” intertwining their hands, Wade curled up against him, happy as always just to be next to him.

“...I love you..” Holding him in his arms as he said this, he felt embarrassed and almost.. nervous. As if he wouldn't say it back. But if there was anything about Wade he knew, it's that he'd never skip a beat to reciprocate affection.. something he wasn't used too.

“..How much?” Usually, he wouldn't ask such childish things. But Tonight? He might have needed it.

“I love you too, Logan. A lot.”

“I'd fight the entire world.”

“You do that anyway. More than tacos?”

“Woah there, Angelcakes! Know your place.”

They both laugh, the giggles die down, and snoring replaces the sounds.

[i-cant-sing]

Okay but imagine platonic yandere surgeon dabi who’s your dad and you try to pretend to be sick to get out of doing something or so that you don’t have to go to school and lawyer hawks is like oh no my poor baby is sick but surgeon dabi sees right through your act 😭

YESSSSS OMG FINALLY A GOOD ASK FOR THEM💖💖💖💖

Okay so let's set the scene:

Keigo and Dabi have plans for dinner and wanna take you out with them, and you don't want to go because you wanna sneak out and go to a party or something, but since that's not going to fly with them, you decide to fake being sick.

"Y/n? Sweetie are you ready- oh hun! What's wrong?" Keigo asked when he walked into your room, immediately concerned when he found you under the covers.

Alright, time for an Oscar worthy performance.

You slowly peaked your head out from the sheets, groaning at "sharp" lights. Barely opening your eyes, you sniffled.

"I'm sick."

Keigo's eyes widened and in a second, the first had become a coddling mother who just needed to shield you, her sick little Victorian child on the verge of death, from the bad air.

He climbed onto the bed next to you, pulling you against him and felt your warm forehead (classic "hair dryer" trick), cooing when you whined at his "too cold" hand.

"Aww my poor baby! Don't worry, I'm right here!" Keigo cooed, wiping the "sweat" of your forehead (which was just some water spray). "I'm gonna have your dad come in. DABI!"

Dabi walked in his suit, hair combed back and nothing to cover the bags under his eyes. "What?"

"What do you mean "what"? OUR BABY- oh sorry princess, too loud, hm? Dabi, our baby is sick!"

Dabi raised a brow at you, and you instinctively coughed, making him narrow his eyes at you.

"Why don't you check her while I bring her something to eat and find some painkillers?" Keigo said before running out of the room.

"So... what's wrong with you?" Dabi asked as he walked upto you. You glared at him before coughing. "Isn't that your job to figure out?"

"Clearly not sick enough for sarcasm. Come on, let's go."

"No, no-" you coughed again. "-I don't feel well. I'm feverish and my head hurts."

Dabi hummed as he placed a hand on your forehead. "Its not too warm. I can get a thermometer. Really, you just need a painkiller and you'll be fine-"

"No! No- I mean, it'll only get worse! I just need to stay in bed and sleep. And why do you need a thermometer? Aren't you experienced enough to know it by touch now? Can't you see how red my cheeks are? Are you even a real doctor-?" You stopped when Dabi swiped a finger across your red cheek.

"Makeup? Really?" He asked, eyes unamused as he looked at the reddish pigment on his finger. "And its got glitter in it too. You're an idiot."

"Am not! That's sweat!" You pouted but immediately whined when Dabi pinched your nose.

"Stop lying. Now get up and get ready. I'm not getting late because of you." He began getting up but then you held onto his arm and gave him your best puppy eyes.

"Okay, you got me! But please, I don't want to go to another dinner party! They're so boring! Why can't you guys just go to one without me, and I can just chill at home!"

Dabi narrowed his eyes at you. "Its a dinner hosted by your school! I don't want to go either but Keigo said it'll be bad for you if we don't attend these functions."

"I know, I know! But please, I already had to go to his work party and then your cancer research thingy and I just don't have anymore social battery left!" You cried out, like a spoiled little toddler, or at least that's how Dabi saw it.

His lips pressed into a thin line as he thought for a moment before sighing. "Fine. You don't have to go. I'll talk to Keigo." You beamed and leaned up to hug him. Dabi patted your head before pushing you away and leaving the room to inform Keigo.

As you were rejoicing at your small victory, Keigo suddenly ran in, hugging you. "Aww poor baby! Your dad tells me you're too sick to leave the house. Bed rest, strictly he says!" He kissed the top of your head. "Well that's alright! We'll cancel our plans too and stay at home with you!"

What?

"Eh? No, no! You guys go! I mean, don't spoil your night because of me-!" But he cut you off by pulling your face to his chest and shook his head.

"Nonsense! How can we leave you here all alone? Your dad's calling them to inform them we can't come. But don't you worry! Me and your dad will spend the night here in your room!"

You shook your head. "That's nice, but I don't want you to get sick too-"

"Oh don't worry about that! Dabi says whatever you have is not contagious at all! In fact, he was the one who suggested that we have a movie night and make a cuddle pile! You'll be healed by my hugs and kisses, princess!" Keigo said cheerfully before going on about what movies and snacks he was gonna get.

Meanwhile, you saw Dabi standing at the doorway with a huge smirk on his face, confirming he did this on purpose. Did he know you were going to sneak out?

Social battery, my ass. Did she really think I was born yesterday?

[dantakeyoman]

𝐍𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐒 | 𝐣. 𝐜𝐚𝐝𝐞

♡ 𝐣𝐨𝐡𝐧𝐧𝐲 𝐜𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

♡ *𝒐𝒉, (𝒚/𝒏)? 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒐𝒕, 𝒔𝒉𝒆'𝒔 𝒕𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏 𝒂 𝒃𝒂𝒈 𝒐𝒇 𝒏𝒂𝒊𝒍𝒔, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒘𝒊𝒄𝒆 𝒂𝒔 𝒎𝒆𝒂𝒏, 𝒕𝒐𝒐. 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒔𝒉𝒆'𝒔 𝒂 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍 𝒅𝒐𝒍𝒍 𝒐𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒉𝒆𝒓. …𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒖𝒓𝒗𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝒆𝒏𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉. *

♡ 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬 𝐠𝐨𝐫𝐞, 𝐟𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬, 𝐦𝐮𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫, 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝, 𝐢𝐧𝐣𝐮𝐫𝐲, 𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐮𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐬, 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐞𝐱, 𝐥𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬, 𝐣𝐨𝐡𝐧𝐧𝐲 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐝𝐢𝐞, 𝐞𝐭𝐜.

♡ * 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒕𝒊𝒇𝒚 - 𝒑𝒐𝒗: 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒔 *

𝐓𝐖𝐎

"Look who's graced me with his presence," you sighed, a small smirk playing on your lips as Dally hopped the hand-rail to the Nightly Double, obviously not paying.

"How ya doin', Nails?" He smiled, sitting down in the empty aisle seat next to you.

"Peachy...'til you got here," you teased, "Slide me a cancer stick."

He sighed, rummaging in his pockets for a moment before pulling out a single one, handing it to you, "You better smoke it good, that's my last one."

"Yeah, yeah, keep your pants on," you rolled your eyes, kicking up your feet and whipping out your bright, red lighter.

A gift Johnny gave you for your thirteenth birthday.

You placed the cigarette in your mouth, checking out the scar on your lip through the reflection of the trigger.

It had been two months since you got jumped by the Socs, your encounter leaving you with a faint scar on the right side of your lip, stretching from right under your nose to right under the curve of your bottom lip.

And, unsurprisingly, things between the Socs and the Greasers had gone tremendously bad.

There was a fight nearly every other day, and despite the No Jazz rule you and Darry had tried to put into effect, the Socs were just making it too hard to keep a cool head.

Fightin' words, slashing tires, jumping.

It really made you wonder who were the real hoods.

"Hey, (y/n/n)," Johnny greeted, walking up to the rail and hopping over it just like Dally did a minute ago.

You quietly gasped and dropped your lighter, nearly inhaling your cig and setting yourself on fire in the process.

You squeaked and scrambled to pick it up, Dal letting out an obnoxious laugh as Johnny quickly rushed over to you, patting you on the back to clear up your coughing fit.

"You alright?! What happened?" He asked, concerned as he took his seat next to you.

You sat up, turning to Dally and shooting him a sharp glare, him returning it with his very punchable smirk.

"Sorry, Johnnycake. You just startled me is all," you cleared your throat, rummaging in your pocket and grabbing some change.

"S'all right if you could go to the stand and get me some water?"

"Sure," he nodded, taking the money and standing up, walking over to the concession stand to wait in line.

Once you were sure he was out of earshot, you let Dally have it.

"Bastard! What the hell?! You didn't tell me Johnny was coming!" You whisper-yelled, smacking the man in the arm.

"Cool it, would ya. You two need this," he scoffed, your attacks not even phasing him.

"I'm sick of all the puppy dog eyes and the blushin' and shit. Everyone and their mother knows that you two like each other."

You flushed with embarrassment, slightly taken aback.

'That couldn't be true, right?'

You and Johnny went back to the sandbox, and for as long as you can remember you've felt some type of way about him.

The way his hair fell in his face, the way certain things would bring a small sparkle to his brown eyes, the way you could catch hints of his true smile if you were paying attention.

The way the two of you could talk about nothing and yet everything when you where alone.

Of course, you firmly believed that all of these feelings were one sided.

"The stupid excuses like I gotta go to the DX or I was gonna meet up wit' Pony is not gonna get you two outta this, so here's how it's gonna go."

He quickly turned around to make sure Johnny was anywhere near, but the poor boy was still at the very back of the large line.

"When Johnny comes back with your water, I'm gonna go get some popcorn and never come back, leavin' you two alone to start to get to business. You guys'll talk, do all the little sappy shit, and then right in the middle of his sentence, you're gonna grab 'im by his collar and kiss 'im. Boom. Match made."

You were gagged

'This guy's got jokes.'

"What happened? You turn into a comedian since the last time I saw you?" You asked sarcastically, rolling your eyes and turning around to face the movie.

"I'm not doin' that shit."

"Aw, c'mon, Nails. Johnny's too chicken shit for this, it's gotta be you," he whined, throwing his head back in annoyance.

"Besides...me and Soda made a bet with Two that says we get two packs each if you break first."

"Ah hah! That's what this is all about. You don't want me and Johnny to get together, you just want a couple free cigs," you scoffed, shaking your head in disbelief.

'Unbelievable.'

"Not entirely. I am tired of seein' you two make goo goo eyes at each other and not doin' nothin' about it. So if I get you two to cut it and a couple of free packs, o' course I'm gonna take advantage of the situation," he corrected, pausing his smoking to take a quick swig of beer.

"(y/n/n) and Johnny are gettin' together?!" Ponyboy exclaimed out of nowhere, hopping the rail and sitting down next to you.

"Will you shut up?!" You hissed, nervous that Johnny might've heard.

"Aw, what the hell are you doin' here?! You're messin' up the plan, Pone," Dally groaned, shooing away the boy with his hand.

"The plan? What plan?" Pony cocked a brow, confused.

"The one I discussed with the boys. I thought you were there, too?" Dal answered, scratching his head.

"Everyone else is in on this shit?!" You whipped your head around to Dally.

"Well, s'not my fault. Johnny was the one who asked me to come with 'im," Pony shrugged, turning to look at the movie.

"You'd think you two were attached at the hip," Dally sighed, turning around to get an update on Johnny's whereabouts.

"Doesn't matter now. The kid's walkin' back over,"

'Thank God.'

"Gotchu your water, (y/n/n)," Johnny stated, handing you the cup and your money back.

Dally stretched his arm over your shoulder and flicked Pony in the ear, getting him to move a seat over and allow Johnny to sit next to you again.

"Thanks, Johnnycake," you smiled, taking a sip and counting your change as the boy looked up at the screen to take away from the buzzing feeling in his stomach.

When you finished counting, you realized it was the exact amount of money you gave him.

"Wait, didya-." "I paid for it," he answered, already knowing your question, keeping his eyes trained on the screen.

"You ain't hafta do that, Johnny," you turned to him.

You were the one with the job. It was your responsibility to pay for your things.

"I know," he turned to you.

Your eyes met, and you looked at him through those thick lashes with those (e/c) eyes that sparkled in the projector light.

He swallowed thickly.

"S-S'least I could do. Wanted you to be all right."

You smiled, his heartbeat picking up twice as fast.

"I-." "What movie is this?" Pony asked, oblivious to the scene unfolding next to him.

Dally cursed under his breath, grumbling about how that boy was thicker than a brick.

That is, until a couple of Socs girls took the seats in front of you, and took his attention elsewhere.

"What's he grumblin' about?" Johnny asked in a low voice, turning to face the movie.

"I dunno. He's been weird tonight," you sighed, watching the movie as well. He nodded, his face turning confused when he saw someone get hit in the back with a baseball bat.

"Pone was onto somethin'. What is this movie?" He asked, nosed scrunched.

You chuckled, "Who knows. I think it's somethin' beachy."

He smiled, "Be nice to go to a beach one day...see the ocean."

"No kiddin'," you agreed, "I'd settle for anywhere outta Oklahoma."

"Forget Oklahoma. I'd settle for anywhere outta the neighborhood," he scoffed.

You sighed, resting your head on his shoulder, not noticing that the poor boy went stiff as a board at your touch.

"I could never do it, though. Don't got the guts," you dismissed.

Johnny was taken aback.

No guts? You had more guts than half the gang combined.

You'd toughed out situations that grown men'd never dream of.

No guts? "Whatchu talkin' about?" He asked, turning to look at you, confused. "You got a ton of guts, and you're plenty smart, too. If any of us is makin' it outta Oklahoma, it's you." "I'm not makin' it outta anywhere," you scoffed, looking up at him seriously. "I could never leave (b/n/n). I could never leave the gang."

You paused.

"I could never leave you, Johnnycake."

Johnny's stomach flipped so much, he nearly thought he'd flip, too.

It was as if you knew every little thing that could set him off, every little thing that had him at your beck and call like a lovesick puppy.

You had him wrapped around your finger, and he knew this, and had no problem with it.

"You guys are my family. No place'd be worth going without y'all."

He smiled, approvingly, turning to face the movie, "Thanks."

The two of you focused back on the screen, staying in comfortable silence as you watched the movie, Dally and the two Soc girls started to get a little loud.

You were about to say something, until you felt your entire body let out one violent shiver, remind you that you were outside with nothing but a tank top and jeans.

Your breath hitched, and you hoped Johnny didn't notice, slowly looking up to face him.

Only to see that he was already looking at you, disapprovingly.

"Why ain't chu wearin' a coat, (y/n/n)? S'freezin' out here," he asked, concerned, as he began shimmying off his jean jacket, trying not disturb your head.

"I'm fine, Johnny. I just came from the DX so I didn't have time to grab a coat for nothin'," you sighed, pushing his jacket back on.

"I'm not cold, promise."

"Warm people don't shiver," he cocked a brow. 

"Maybe that'll cool you off, Greaser! When you learn to talk and act decent, I might cool off, too!" The redheaded Soc girl suddenly shouted, splashing a drink all over Dally's face.

He had moved his seat from your row to hers, and had seemed to have been harassing her the entire time.

'Probably why those two were getting loud earlier. Fuckin' Dallas.'

"Fiery, huh? Just the way I like 'em," Dally smirked, grabbing her and pulling her close, much to her protest.

"Get off me!"

"Dally, leave 'er alone," you ordered firmly, sitting up off Johnny's shoulder.

But he ignored you, continuing touch and shove her around, a smile on his face.

"C'mon, Dal, you heard 'er. Leave 'er alone," Johnny chimed in, sitting up straight, too.

You were quietly shocked.

Johnny would never so much as stick a toe out in front of Dallas, let alone raise his voice at him.

He practically worshiped the ground he walked on.

"What'd you say?" Dally's smile fell, almost instantly, and he stopped his advances, turning to glare at Johnny.

"What'd you say to me, you little shit? What'd you say to me?"

"C'mon," Johnny sighed, his eyes pleading Dal to cool it.

And Dally picked up on this, sucking his teeth before roughly stuffing his hands in his pockets, standing up out the chair.

"Wise ass," he grumbled, walking up the ramp and out of the Nightly Double.

You, Johnny, and Pone, let out a sigh of relief you didn't even know you were holding, the three of you knowing good and well that you dodged a bullet.

"Now you blew it," Pony grumbled to the two of you, knowing that all you did was postpone Dally's blow out for later.

"Thank you. He had me scared to death," the redhead turned around, releasing her own sigh of relief.

"Sure didn't show it," Johnny shrugged, "Ain't nobody talk to Dal like that."

"Well, I saw you do. And her, too," she smiled.

That's when it hit you, "Hey, ain't you that cheerleader from school? Cherry?"

"My real name's Sherri, but my friends call me Cherry 'cause of my hair."

Yeah, you knew Cherry. 

Cherry, the cheerleader. Cherry, the Soc girl.

Cherry, Bob's girlfriend. Cherry, girlfriend of the guy that nearly knocked your lights out.

Yeah, you knew Cherry.

Call it childish but two months ain't a long time, and it's hard to forget with a permanent reminder plastered on your lip.

"Why don't y'all sit with us, so you can protect us?" Cherry's friend suggested with a smile.

The boys turned to each other, Pony giving Johnny a nod.

But Johnny turned to you, realizing that you were back to watching the movie, disengaging from the conversation before you said something you'd regret.

He noticed this, and knew he wanted to stay with you through it.

Not that he was gonna get up and move, anyway.

"Imma stay back here," he stated, sitting back into his seat, your head reclaiming its spot on his shoulder.

Pony shrugged, moving to sit next to Cherry and starting up some conversation with her.

"You think Dal's gonna be mad?" Johnny asked, tiredly resting his head on top of yours.

You waved it off, "Dally's drunk. Give 'im some time to cool off and he'll be alright."

Feeling another shiver coming, you nuzzled closer to the boy, kicking up your legs on his as you relished the warmth that his jacket provided.

He let out an easy sigh, before allowing his body to ease itself into you, both of you molding together as if you were puzzle pieces.

It was so comfy, you nearly fell asleep right there.

𝒋 𝒐 𝒉 𝒏 𝒏 𝒚 𝒄 𝒂 𝒌 𝒆

"God, I'm so dog-tired I could drop," you groaned, trying to rub the exhaustion off your face as the five of you walked home.

The boys agreed to walk the Soc girls back to theirs, and at first you were completely against it, opting to walk yourself home rather than help them.

But all Johnny had to do was flash you a quick smile and ask a sincere, "Please," and you were putty in his hand.

"Did you work another double again?" He asked, though he already knew the answer.

You winced, "...Maybe, but that's only because they offered some extra cash if I stayed longer."

"You just did a double yesterday. And did a triple a day or so ago. I told you about takin' breaks, (y/n/n)," he scolded, though not really.

He could never be mad at you.

"I know, I know, but I jus-." "Now I remember," Cherry realized, turning away from her talk with Pony to face you.

"You're the greaser girl that works at the DX, right? That's where I know you from."

You cocked a brow at her description of you, the boys quietly wincing at the reminder.

No matter how long they talked, or how deep the conversation, you were still Grease, and they were still Soc.

Noticing the quiet, she caught herself, slightly embarrassed "Sorry.....force of habit."

Just then, the sound of moving gravel snapped you all out of conversation, and you turned around to see two mustangs pull up behind you.

'Damn. ...Them's some tuff cars.'

"Oh, they're coming! What're we gonna do?" The other girl, who you learned to be Marcia, nervously whispered to Cherry.

"Just act normal," she whispered back.

"Who're these clowns?" A familiar voice asked, stepping out of the car.

'You've gotta be kidding me.'

It was that Soc bastard, Bob.

"Johnny..." you whispered, uneasy

"I know," he sighed, resting his hand in his right pocket, the pocket where he always kept his blade.

"Cherry! What's goin' on?!" Bob exclaimed, storming over with another Soc boy.

"Just because we got a little drunk, doesn't mean-!" "A little?!" Cherry interrupted.

"You call reeling and passing out in the street a little?! Bob, I've told you before, I'm never going out with you when you're drinking, and I mean it!"

"That's no reason to go walking the streets with these bums," the other boy chimed.

'Bums?!'

"Who you callin' bums, pal!" You glared, pointing harshly at the boy.

"You!" He spat back.

"Randy!"

"(y/n/n)," Johnny warned lowly, getting more anxious by the second.

Your fire might've been what drew him to you at first, but one of these days it was going to get you killed.

"Listen, we got two more of us in the backseat," Randy whispered, getting up close and personal. 

You quickly picked up a beer bottle, smashing it against the fence and then tossing it to Pony, whipping out your own blade as well.

"Fuck the backseat!" You spat, pointing the tip of it at his throat.

"If you're lookin' for a fight-." "Hell, yeah, I'm lookin' for a fight!" You didn't back down.

"Let's go! Put the knife down!" 

"Let's go, then! C'mon!" 

"Put the knife down!"

"You got your guys, I got my knife, pal!" 

"Stop it! Just stop it!" Cherry shouted, stepping in between you two.

"We'll go with you. Just give us a minute."

"Why? We ain't scared of these bastards," you looked the two boys up and down, disgusted.

"I hate fights, all right. I hate 'em," she sighed, raking a nervous hand through her hair.

She walked over to Ponyboy, wishing him a quick goodbye, before her and Marcia hopped in the Socs car, driving off.

"Greaseball!" Bob shouted out the window, drunkenly.

"Fuck you!" You shouted back, roughly flipping off the car as Johnny threw an arm over your shoulder.

Quite literally being the only thing keeping you from chasing after them.

"C'mon, (y/n/n), let's go," Pony sighed, the three of you turning around to walk back home.

𝒋 𝒐 𝒉 𝒏 𝒏 𝒚 𝒄 𝒂 𝒌 𝒆

"I hate those damn Socs. Who do they think they are thinkin' they can talk to us like that?" You grumbled, curled into yourself as you lay down on a disposed couch.

Pony had gone back to the Curtis' house, no doubt getting chewed out for coming home so late.

And you and Johnny had decided to sleepover in the lot for the night, since neither of you wished to be home at the moment.

"And who are they to say that Cherry girl couldn't hang out with Pony."

Sure, you didn't exactly like her, but you could tell Pony did. And all you wanted for that boy was for him to be happy.

Lord knows he's been through enough already.

"S'cause we're greasers, (y/n/n)," Johnny sighed, finishing up the fire before standing up and dusting off his pants.

"He might've hurt her reputation or something, that's all. Don't worry about it."

He walked over to the couch, plopping himself down next to you and smiling at how quick you were to snuggle up under him.

Despite his jean jacket, you were still cooler than an ice cube, and he was still, surprisingly, very warm.

"I guess," you sighed, resting your head on his chest.

He paused for a moment, trying to come up with a way to bring your spirits up.

"Man, that was a tuff car, huh," he started, remembering how you were eyeing Bob's car just as much as he was.

"Mustangs...they're tuff."

You let out a tired exhale, appreciative of the gesture, but just not in the mood.

That is, until the sound of Johnny's parents started to ring in the lot.

They were arguing, way louder than usual.

To the point where most of the curses could be heard crystal clear, as if you were in the house with them.

You could feel Johnny's breath become heavy, and you looked up at him, his expression dropping by the second.

"I don't think I can take much more of this, (y/n/n)," he caved, raking a frantic hand through his hair.

"I'll...I'll kill myself or something. I don't know."

The second those words came out his mouth, you nearly went catatonic.

Johnny? Kill himself?

There was no way.

You couldn't even fathom what your life would be like without your best friend, your favorite guy.

Your one true love, and the subject of all your affection.

...

Or something Shakespearean like that.

"Johnny Cade, you will do no such thing, you hear me?" You ordered firmly, placing both your hands on his face and turning him to face you.

"No such thing."

"I gotta do somethin'," he cried, his face easing into your hands.

With a sigh, you laid back in the chair, bringing him with you, and letting him rest his head on your chest.

"It seems like there's gotta be a place without Greasers and Socs," he sniffled, nuzzling closer "Must be someplace...with just plain, ordinary people."

You nodded, gliding your hand through his hair carefully, "S'like that out in the country. Away from all the big towns."

Feeling him begin to relax already, you decided to continue.

"The people are friendly and the houses are few and far between. There's room to stretch your legs and night are quiet...real quiet. Not to mention the animals."

And you continued on just like that, until eventually, the two of you were lulled asleep, welcoming dreams of the paradise you described.

"I love you, (y/n/n)," Johnny muttered, half asleep and barely above a whisper.

But you were already out like a light, no memory of the boy's words at all.

𝒋 𝒐 𝒉 𝒏 𝒏 𝒚 𝒄 𝒂 𝒌 𝒆

[thepaintedlady00]

Nightshade

Chapter 10 | Chapter 12

Chapter 11: Amuse-Bouche

TW: Some sibling boxing, A bit of choice language from Ari and Sasha in regards to our idiots, Howard 😒, a bit of sexual tension, flirting, Jake's gonna have a real HARD time 👀, Lena's gonna help him out... 👀👀, aka bathroom blowjob. This chapter is a bit shorter than normal (like 15 pages, sorry!) And I'm sorry if it reads as kind of rushed, I really wanted to get it out before my surgery tomorrow and it's not a particularly plot-heavy chapter so I figured it'd be alright. I did a quick edit of this so sorry for any mistakes! This chapter does, however, mark the beginning of Spice Town!

Hit. Hit. Dodge. The music blared in my ears, and the wall pictures vibrated with the beat as I danced across the mat. Hit. Hit. Dodge. Sweat beaded down my forehead, making my hair stick to my temples. 

Hit. Hit. Dodge. I breathed in the hot air that tasted like sweat and leather. My mind wandered, the smell shifting in the air with a breeze of alcohol as someone opened the back alley door. A new taste coated my tongue… A cherry old-fashioned mixed with the bitter tang of Jake's cigarettes.

Hit. Hit. "OW!"

Patrick chuckled with an evil grin. "You're distracted today." I threw my punch into his arm, wiping the grin off his face entirely. "OW!"

"Fuck you!" I growled out as the two of us danced in the ring together. "My mind has never been more focused!"

"Focused on dick!"

I landed three hits to Pat's gut before he got me in the side. I raised my fist again when Ozzy's loud whistle stopped both of us in our tracks. "What the bloody hell are you two doing?" He shook his head. "You two know you're not allowed to spar with each other."

"No one else would spar with me," I told him. "I wanted to get a good workout before my shift."

"Don't see why you didn't just call up your little boyfriend," Pat mumbled. I didn't even glance at him as I punched him in the gut. "I probably deserved that one."

Ozzy waved us forward. "Get outta there before you hurt each other. Idiots."

Peter looked up from his newspaper. "Told ya he'd find out. You two are always too much in a ring together."

"You're no better, mister! Why are you letting them pull this in the first place?" Oz asked.

"I'm a recovering cancer patient," Peter said with large puppy dog eyes. "I did my best."

"Bull!" Patrick and I said in unison.

Ozzy rolled his eyes. "Oh, give me a break with those eyes. Lena, go get ready for work. Patrick, clean up your mess. Peter, tell me what horses are racing tomorrow."

We all followed Oz's instructions. I dragged myself up the stairs and threw my sore body into a boiling hot shower with a relieved sigh. The week had been… Interesting since Jake and I's makeout session in the bathroom at Home Bar. We hadn't kissed again, but the urge was always there whenever we got too close to each other. Why does he have to have such soft lips? I whined to myself. And be so good at kissing? And so attractive. With a sigh, I pressed my head against the chilled tile. I had it bad.

I got dressed and bid my little family farewell before quickly making my way to the restaurant. Nick smiled from behind the bar and gave me his usual "morning red" when I passed. Scott and Isaac were bickering about some menial topics when I slipped through the doors and greeted the kitchen. Bitch paused to yell a quick "hey Lena" over their shoulders.

Upstairs the locker room was packed. Everyone was talking and gossiping as they got dressed for their shifts. Sasha leaned against his locker while Heather and Ari shared the couch, priming their looks. "Good morning!"

"Morning, Tiger," they greeted.

I peed Jake's locker and put his jacket inside before making my way to my own and changing into my cooking gear. A few seconds after I put my shirt on, Jake rounded the corner setting his bike in the hall with a smile aimed at me as he entered the room.

“Morning,” Jake mumbled, heading to his locker.

Still finishing with the buttons on my shirt, I looked over at him. “You look like shit.”

The second his locker opened, he shook his head, grabbed his jacket, and tossed it to me. “Put that back in your locker for me?”

“No!” I hollered, tossing it back at him. “If you wanna sneak your shit into my locker, do it on your own time, pretty boy.”

“Pretty boy?” He questioned with a raised brow.

I rolled my eyes. “Don’t pretend like you don’t know you’re pretty, Jake. It’s tacky.”

With a slight tilt of his head and a bright gleam in his eyes, he started taking out his earring. “So I’m pretty and tacky?”

“I don’t make the rules,” I replied, smiling.

Sasha gestured back and forth between us with wide eyes. “Do you believe me now?”

Ari shook her head. “There’s no way.”

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“I’m trying to get these bitches to pay me my money!” Sasha replied with a sigh. “I won the bet. They clearly did the nasty. What more do you want? A photo? Video?” He turned his head to us. “You two didn’t happen to tape you’re very passionate sex, did you?”

Jake chuckled, shaking his head. “Jesus, he sees one make-out session, and he’s already hunting for porn.”

"Pay up, you nasty vaginas!" Sasha suddenly demanded, holding out his hands to Ari and Heather.

Heather shook her head. "Not a chance. One make-out session does not equal them fucking."

"Of course they fucked!" He insisted. "I was there! I saw them with my own two eyes! There is no way they didn't hook up after getting caught like little vandals!"

Ari glanced at me, eyes trailing up and down my form for a minute before she looked at Jake, squinting slightly. "I gotta go with Heather on this."

Sasha scoffed. "Excuse me?!"

"Look!" Ari insisted on pointing to Jake's back as he lifted his shirt over his head. "No claw marks, and he's only got two hickeys on his neck. Lena looks like the type to mark her territory." She smiled at me. "And our Tiger only has one little hickey on her collarbone with none on her boobs. No teeth marks either. Jake's a hungry boy," she smirked wider. "No way he's leaving a meal as fine as that without a few nibbles."

"Wow," I deadpanned. "You guys are bigger idiots than I thought."

“Tiger, tell them!” Sasha begged.

I gave him a loving pat on the cheek. “Sorry, dear Sasha, but you’re gonna lose your bet.”

He groaned loudly and slapped Jake on the shoulder. “I blame you!”

“Me?” Jake questioned. “The fuck did I do?”

“Nothing! That’s the point!” Sasha sighed. “It never takes you this long to seal the deal. Not even with the chittering baby monster.”

With a shrug, Jake nodded to me. “Take that up with her. I woulda fucked her months ago if she would have let me.”

I rolled my eyes. “You’re supposed to be on my side.”

“Am I?” Jake chuckled. “Sorry, princess.” He looked over at Sasha with a shit-eating smile. “Fuck off, Sasha.”

“Thank you,” I hummed.

Sasha pointed to us before scoffing and muttering insults in Russian as he made his way out the door. I searched through my locker, hunting for my hairbrush before sighing and looking at Ari. “Do you have a hairbrush I can use? I can’t find mine.”

She hopped up and retrieved one from her locker. “You know, for someone whose apartment is spotless, you’re kind of shit at keeping track of your things.”

“I’m very organized,” I argued. “I'm probably taking shit home by accident.”

"So organized of you," she teased, heading down for family meal.

Once Jake and I were alone, that familiar air of sexual tension settled in the room. We likely would have acted on it a few times if it hadn't been for Simone and Olives' impeccable timing. The two of them came in together, making light conversation and putting a minor feeling of division between Jake and me.

Things between him and Simone were tense recently, but that didn't seem to stop the two of them from holding conversations with one another or joking in their free minutes. It made sense, given the nature of their relationship, but it still made me feel nauseous. I left the room while they talked and went to the long table for the family meal.

Howard set a glass of wine cow in front of me, gesturing to the glass with a smile. "Go ahead."

Swirling the liquid briefly, I lifted it to my nose and smiled at the light smell of lemon and the fruity notes of toasted apple. “1999 Dom Perignon Sparkling Wine.” I lifted the glass, sipping the sweet and flavorful liquid with a smile. “Amazing.”

“It’s your favorite,” Howard replied, examining the bottle.

“You remembered that?” I asked with a laugh.

He set a hand on my shoulder and shrugged. “I’ve got a good memory with important things like this.”

From across the table, Jake scoffed as he took his seat next to Simone. He drank the wine in his glass, glaring at Howard the entire time he went over the events of the night's service. It should have made me roll my eyes and call him ridiculous, but the small and majorly insignificant jealousy Jake felt whenever Howard came anywhere near me made me feel light and giddy. It was dumb. We weren’t dating; we weren’t anything… but I still smiled down into my glass. 

Service was a blur as I hopped between line and dish, helping out in any way I could before Howard instructed me to restock the glasses at the bar. I grabbed one of the clean racks and carefully moved to the side of the bar that usually wasn’t so busy. Unfortunately, I practically tripped over the body blocking the doorway. Jake quickly lifted the counter for me and helped me slide under while he continued to speak to the man in the way. “How much?”

“A thousand.”

“Fuck yeah,” Jake smiled and shook the man's hand. “Same place as last time?”

I glanced at the two of them, meeting his friend's eyes as he shamelessly checked out my ass. “Yeah… Hi.”

Fighting the urge to roll my eyes, I turned my head away to refocus on stocking the shelf. “Hi.”

The man groaned and leaned forward on the bar. “I’m Tommy.”

“Nice to meet you, Tommy.”

Jake shifted closer to me, giving his friend an exasperated look. “Really, man?’

“She yours or something?”

“No,” we said simultaneously, glancing at one another for a quick second before looking away. 

“You should come tonight,” Tommy said, his eyes having difficulty focusing on my face as he admired my figure. “We could definitely use a girl like you livening up the place.”

Jake’s jaw ticked as he snapped in his friend's face to get his attention again. “Lay off, Tommy. I’ll be there at nine.”

Tommy gave Jake a look before he nodded. “Alright, fine, sounds good.”

I resumed my simple task as Jake maneuvered around me, serving a few drinks before leaning back against the bar shelves beside me. “Sorry about him. He’s kind of a sleaze.”

“I’ve been working bars since I was fifteen, Jake. I’m used to a few choice comments from a few choice sleazeballs.” I offered him a smile, gently nudging him when the stern look on his face didn’t ease. “Relax.”

“You should come, though,” he suddenly said.

“Oh?”

“It’s some stupid warehouse party. I’ll be working,” he replied, acting as though he hadn’t entirely meant to invite me. “But you could hang out… maybe dance while I do that.”

With a thoughtful hum, I stacked another two glasses before looking up at him and batting my eyelashes. “You sure I won’t annoy you?”

Jake smirked, cocking his head with a slightly raised brow. “Oh, I’m positive you will.” His tone was low and teasing but held that thinly veiled sensual energy that made me feel breathless and wanting. “But I don’t mind.”

I held his gaze as I shrugged. “It could be fun. Would you dance with me?”

“I don’t dance,” he answered, blatantly ignoring one of the guests trying to get his attention.

“Shame,” I replied. “It would have been a good excuse to get up close and personal with me.”

His mouth twitched into a genuine smile before he concealed it beneath that shit-eating grin. “I can think of plenty of excuses to get up close and personal with you, princess.” I grabbed hold of the now empty dish tray and turned my head away from him, moving to return to the kitchen. “Are you gonna come?” He called out, watching me go.

I looked over my shoulder and nodded. “It sounds like fun. I’ll be there. Nine, right?”

Jake nodded. “I’ll meet you outside. It's kind of a shit neighborhood."

“He says to the boxer,” I teased. “See you there.”

The night dragged on, and I glanced at the clock impatiently with each passing minute. This wasn’t a date. Of course, it wasn’t, but my heart still pounded like it was one. Isaac caught me in yet another turn to look at the ticking clock and slapped my arm with a towel. “The hells your problem?”

“I don’t have a problem,” I hissed back at him, rubbing the red spot on my arm. “Just ready for the night to be over.”

He narrowed his eyes at me but returned to work without more questions. I continued to speed between line and dish the rest of the night until, at last, a spotless kitchen graced the kitchen staff's eyes. “Looks good, everyone. Now let's get the fuck out of here,” Scott praised, heading up the stairs already half out of his coat.

I changed quicker tonight and slipped out the back door without even bothering to meet up with the rest of the group for after-shift drinks, knowing full well Sasha would just use his annoying pestering to pry information out of me. 911 dress emergency, you free?

Quinn would likely be at work, but knowing her, she’d have a dress that I could borrow on hand. Absolutely. Head to the club. I’ll be on break in fifteen. Details as payment, though.

Deal.

The club was packed with a large crowd when I got there. Security helped me slide through to the back room, where I sat in Quinn’s makeup chair and waited for her to get done on stage. She hurried through the door and threw on a robe before she jumped into searching her dresses. “Hey, how's your night?”

“Slammed,” she replied. “But I’ve already made a hell of a paycheck, so I won’t complain.”

I fiddled with the makeup brushes on her desk until she set a red dress on the rack next to me. It was a relatively simple design, deep red with a generously low cut top and two strategically placed strips of seethrough lace on the sides. “Oh, you’re pulling out your good shit?”

She nodded, moving around me to grab some makeup. “Duh. This is for a date, isn’t it?”

“No,” I answered. “Jake just invited me to some warehouse thing he’s working at tonight.”

“Soooo a date…” she replied, holding my chin in her hands and working on my makeup without a second thought. 

“It’s not a date.”

“Yeah, and you’re just friends.”

“We are-”

“I’m not doing this with you right now,” she sighed. “Now, hold still, so I don’t fuck up your face.”

She gave me a dramatic look with red glitter and big clunky stars shimmering on my cheekbones and temples. It was one of her go-to night-out looks, and while it was a bit much, it would likely make me impossible to miss tonight, even for a bartender. Quinn’s nose scrunched up as she smiled. “Perfect. Now go get changed and get your cute ass to your date.”

“It’s not a date!” I hollered as I slid behind her changing screen.

“Whatever!”

Stepping back out, donned in the soft gown, I posed. “How do I look?”

She pulled my hair free of my ponytail and floofed it up before nodding. “Very hot. Extra fuckable.”

“Thanks,” I pressed a quick kiss to her cheek. “Maybe stop by when you’re done here.”

“Sure thing, text me the address!”

Outside the club, Dom sat on the back of his bike. When he saw me, his eyebrows rose. “Got a hot date or something?”

I shook my head. “I’m just going to some party.”

“Where at?”

“Some warehouse in Queens.”

He shook his head. “Hop on. I’ll drive you.”

I gave him a look. “Why?”

“Queens is Eddie’s turf. So I just wanna make an appearance, you know, make sure him and his boys are on their best behavior while you’re there.”

“How sweet.”

“New-”

“Newbies get the helmet, I know,” I said, sliding on the back of his bike and pulling the helmet over my head.

*

Jake stood outside the warehouse, listening to the loud music blaring in his ears as he smoked. Lena said she would be there, and if he were being honest, the anticipation was killing him. Ever since they’d kissed on the Ferris Wheel, it had been nearly impossible not to kiss her every time she looked up at him through her thick lashes. Whenever she and he were alone in a room together, he had to either keep his distance or fight internally over whether he should kiss her. It was obvious she wanted to kiss him. While he enjoyed knowing she was just as affected by him as he was by her, it made the whole situation more complicated.

He heard the familiar roar of the drug dealer's bike and watched the man pull into the parking lot with Lena hugging his back. From where he stood, he could tell she was dressed in red, a color he appreciated more each time she wore it. He’d practically dropped his cigarette when she stood up and slid the helmet off. The dress was low cut and hugged her figure perfectly, but the sides really killed him. The sheer lace brought out her creamy skin beneath the dress and accentuated her not wearing underwear. God damn this woman, he cursed, taking a long drag of his cigarette before tossing it to the ground and crushing it beneath his boot. She’s gonna fucking kill me at this point.

*

Getting a ride from Dom turned out to be a lifesaver. The streets were crowded with taxis as we wove through and made our way toward the old neighborhood. Once we’d parked, he made eye contact with a few bikers across the parking lot, standing next to the club while I got off and held his helmet back to him. “Gimme your arm,” he instructed, pulling out a pen.

“Seriously?” I asked while still following his order. “I’m not fifteen anymore, Dom. I know my way around.”

He drew the four-leafed clover on my wrist with his messy phone number above it. If lost, call Dom. It was something he used to do every night I came to him looking to get fucked up, and back then, it’d actually saved my ass more than once. He smiled and nodded toward the club. “Tell the kid I’ll kill him if he lets you get into trouble tonight.”

I turned around, flipping him off. “I’m not telling him that!”

Jake stood next to the entrance, cigarette embers still flaring at his feet as he looked me up and down and clapped slowly. “Damn, you really showed up trying to make me look like shit, huh?”

“I think you look fine,” I answered, smoothing my hands down his leather jacket. His eyes focused on my lips. “We heading in or what?”

I could tell for a split second he’d wanted to say no, but he nodded, turning and grabbing my hand as we walked toward the door. The bounders knew him and let us both pass straight through. It was exactly as the name implied. A sizeable empty warehouse filled with shitty lights and speakers, a band with a bar on the opposite end, and makeshift shelves filled with booze. Jake led us through the dancing crowd, carefully looking back to ensure I was still close by, even though he’d held my hand.

His friend, Tommy, stood beside the bar, instructing the second bartender as Jake slid his jacket off and handed it to me. “Watch that for me?”

“Sure thing, master bartender.”

Rolling his eyes, he tapped Tommy on the shoulder, and the two conversed for a minute before he noticed me. Then, with a sly grin, he elbowed Jake. “I knew you wouldn’t pass up a chance with that.”

“Fuck off,” Jake brushed off, jumping into work, taking drink orders, and quickly making them. Sitting at the bar in front of him and watching him mix drinks like he did every night shouldn't have been so fun, but it was. I especially enjoyed the moments of free time he’d get to lean over the bar and make me custom drinks with flirty winks and the unique brand of sexual tension we’d basically trademarked. After a while, I slowly made my way onto the dance floor, letting go of the stress that life had been building up to give in to this one night of fun.  

*

He couldn’t help but stare at her as she moved on the dance floor. Her wild hair and equally free spirit were something he rarely got to see at work, and fuck did he enjoy it. Most girls - people in general - looked ridiculous trying to dance in clubs, but Lena made it look sensual and fun. 

“Would you dance with me?”

“I don’t dance.”

“Shame. It would have been a good excuse to get up close and personal with me.”

He’d said he could think of better ways to get up close and personal, but now that he was here watching her move in that dress, his mind was blank. Finally, the man bartending beside him nodded to the dance floor. “She your girl or something?”

Without thinking, Jake nodded. “Or something.”

Lena turned and smiled at him before disappearing into the mass of bodies. “I can handle shit here if you wanna take a break.”

“Thanks,” Jake replied, moving around the bar as quickly as possible to seek her out on the dance floor.

*

Swaying with the music, I lost myself to the beat. It felt fucking amazing to let go and have fun. It felt more amazing when Jake’s familiar hands settled on my hips, pulling me back into him as he pressed his lips to my shoulder. “I thought you don’t dance.”

He grinned down at me, leaning in close enough that I could practically taste him. “It looked like a good excuse to get up close and personal with you.”

“You’re clever.”

“I try,” he replied.

The two of us moved against each other, our bodies creating a sinful and very dangerous friction that made a buzz of pleasure settle in my gut, slowly winding more and more as his hands roamed my body. Looking up at him as he danced beneath the lights, I really wanted to throw out my stupid notions of keeping our friendship intact. Instead, I wanted to jump into his arms… wanted to kiss him until we were tearing each other's clothes off. And if the dark hunger of his gaze meant anything, he felt similarly.

A few minutes later, I felt him press me unbearably close, so close I couldn’t help but moan at the unexpected action. Jake’s head pressed into the back of mine. “Fuck.”

“Wha-” I turned to ask, only to catch a quick glimpse of him hurrying through the crowd toward the bathrooms. He stumbled, nearly tripping as he practically shoved people out of his way. Something must be wrong. Following him, I called out, “Jake!”

He practically slammed the bathroom door in my face as I shoved through. “You should head back to the bar.”

“Are you alright?” I asked, watching him lean over the sink, sucking in deep breaths of air. I locked the bathroom door. If he was fucked up on something, the last thing we needed was some couple coming here looking to fuck. 

"I'm good," Jake practically groaned.

I touched his shoulder, pulling him to face me so I could try to figure out what he was fucked up on. "What do you need? Water? A hospital?" His eyes slid down the length of me, pupils blown wide and a light sheen of sweat beginning to glimmer on his skin. His chest rose and fell in rapid breaths. I pressed my hand to his chest, unintentionally pushing myself closer to him. "Your hearts racing. What the hell did you take?"

He said nothing for a minute as he closed his eyes and tilted his head back with a quiet "Fuck."

"Ja-" The question died on my tongue as the unmistakable outline of his fully hard dick became impossible to miss.

"I’m not high," he explained tensely. "I didn’t plan on being in such a confined space with you looking like that."

I looked down at the form-fitting, short, mostly sheer dress Quinn had given me to wear tonight. "Oh."

He chuckled. "Yeah, oh. I just need a minute."

I don't know what came over me; maybe it was all the shit pent up throughout our months-long flirting. Maybe it was just my body craving the chance to give him the pleasure I knew he wanted. Or maybe it was the way Jake looked beneath the dim lights in the dingy basement bathroom, head thrown back, sweat rolling down his throat, his hands gripping the sink so tight his knuckles turned white. Whatever it was made my lips move without consulting my brain. "I could help you."

"Not much you can do in a situation like this."

"There's one thing I can do."

He looked back at me, disbelief evident in how his face scrunched up. "What?"

"Are you seriously going to make me spell it out for you?"

"Absolutely."

"Do you want a blowjob or not?" I asked, point blank, looking down the length of him, eyes settling on the thick outline of his dick straining against his jeans.

He tilted my chin up, dark eyes examining my face closely. "Are you high?"

"No," I answered.

"Drunk?"

"No." I laughed softly. "I can leave you to figure it out alone if you’re not interested."

"I just want to be sure you know what you're doing."

"Does it look like I don't know what I'm doing?"

"No," he replied. "I don't want to take advantage of you." His face was smug as ever, but the tone of his voice held the sincerity the rest lacked.

I pulled myself closer, watching his eyes follow me, looking at me as if I was the only thing he cared about. "How about we set some ground rules then?"

"I'm all ears," he said, throat bobbing.

"First, let's not make this weird. This is just one friend helping out another." Jake chuckled but nodded in agreement, eyes settling onto my lips as his head unconsciously tilted forward, chasing them. “Second, no kissing on the lips.”

That made him scoff. “What, like we haven’t made out in a bathroom before?”

I rolled my eyes, setting my hands on the flat, lean-built plane of his abdomen. “If I kiss you, this will turn into more than a quick blowjob in some shitty club bathroom real quick.”

“Glad to know you find me so irresistible,” he breathed out. “Any more rules?”

"Just a small assurance. If I feel like you're taking advantage of me, I'll let you know, and I expect you to do the same.” His look felt deeper than what I could see on the surface. Jake looked like what I’d said. The simple and basic principle behind successful hookups or sexually charged favors between friends was something he’d never heard of before now. It made me sad, thinking of how his mind likely went to Simone and just how neglectful she was of the stability of their odd relationship with one another. I pushed it aside, now more set on showing him what a healthy moment of intimacy between two people looked like. “Now, do you want my help with your problem or not?"

"I'm all yours, princess,” he whispered, voice lacking all sarcasm that generally came with the nickname he’d given me months ago in Cape Cod. It was an admission. Pure and honest and more than enough to flood me with desire.

With a soft smile, I leaned in closer, chest to chest, hands fisting lightly in his shirt. Our lips nearly brushed as I looked into his darkened eyes and whispered back, “Good.”

I moved my lips to the side, pressing them to his jaw and slowly working my way down to his neck. My hands slid down to his belt, slowly undoing the fastenings and loosening the tightness of his pants just enough to bring him a moment of relief. He sighed, mumbling a quiet “Fuck.”

His head tilted back, giving me unrestricted access to his neck as I smiled against his skin, carefully palming him through his jeans with one hand. “Don’t get too excited tough guy,” I teased before latching my teeth around that irresistible, glinting, pierced ear. Then, moving my lips back to his neck, I sucked a new bruise into his delicate skin.

“So much for being discrete,” he chuckled, audibly biting back a moan.

“We haven’t been discrete for months,” I noted, working on undoing his jeans. “A few hickeys won’t be anything new.”

He watched my face closely, still searching for any sign of doubt. I appreciated it, but he wouldn’t find any. I wanted this. More than I thought I had. With the front of his pants open, my hand slid down, gliding gently down his length and pulling a long low moan out of his throat. God, I wanted him to make that sound all the time. I slid my hands into his jeans, pulling the fabric down just enough for his dick to spring forward, free of his underwear. 

Jake was well endowed, something I’d assumed but still somehow hadn’t really been prepared for. His eyes shut, and his breath quickened as I slid down his body. I pressed gentle kisses and quick bites to his neck before running my hands up his shirt and dragging my nails down his chest as I slid to my knees. I was no stranger to a quickie in some shitty club bathroom, but this felt different. I was far more focused on Jake’s face and the noises he made as I stroked him rather than his actual dick. 

I licked the underside of his cock first, enjoying the way he flinched and bucked closer to my face. God, he’s so pretty when he’s this desperate. Then, swirling my tongue around the pulsing, leaking tip of his dick, I closed my eyes to listen to the noises he made. Sex with men was usually quiet, especially oral activities, but Jake wasn’t like most men. He was shameless in the moans and whines and whimpers he made, and I couldn’t get enough of it. After making sure he was nice and slick, I slowly began bobbing up and down, pushing him further into my mouth until I reached the perfect spot where the tip of him just barely hit the back of my throat.

"God, you're perfect," he groaned, hands burying themselves in my hair. I expected Jake to be a puller. I expected him to want total control... To use me. But he didn't. Instead, his hands held my hair back, and as I looked up, the reason became clear. Jake wanted to watch me. He wanted to see my face.

I’d given guys blowjobs in bathrooms before, but it had never felt so intimate. They’d cared more about the feeling of my hot, wet mouth around their dicks than they cared about me. They hadn’t ever even bothered to look at me. I held his gaze as I bobbed my head, taking more of him into my mouth each time. Those eyes alone would undo me.

Tears stung the corners of my eyes, and Jake carefully brought a hand out from my hair to dab them dry. “You’re doing so good,” he praised. Oh fuck. His hand in my hair tightened, tugging on my roots just enough to send a lightning strike of pleasure shooting down to my core. I moaned around him, bringing another ragged moan out of his chest. His free hand cupped my jaw, gently kneading the muscles as his hips carefully met my mouth with eager thrusts. 

My hands came up to rest on his thighs, squeezing them and using them as support as his movements grew harder and sloppier. “Lena,” he whined, supporting himself on the sink and throwing his head back. “God… I’m close.”

I slid my hands up his thighs to rest on his abdomen. I could feel the muscles beneath his skin tighten each time he thrust into my throat. His breaths grew more harsh and labored. Just a few more thrusts and he’d be there. I hummed around him, dragging my nails down his stomach and taking hold of his arms, using them as leverage to pull myself closer until I was gagging on him. Then, with one last, deep thrust, he spilled down my throat. “Fuck!”

Swallowing every drop he gave me, I sat still, letting him carefully release my head before I pulled back, licking the tip of his cock for good measure. He panted above me, eyes boring down into mine as I slowly rose to my feet, using him to steady myself as my slightly numb legs wobbled. His head dipped down, the urge to kiss me plain on his face as he settled for dropping his head to my shoulder. “Holy shit.”

“Did that help?” I asked hoarsely. 

“Absolutely,” he answered. 

I couldn’t fight the proud smile on my lips as I squeezed his arms and pulled away to stand beside him, straightening myself up in the mirror. “Good.”

Still catching his breath, he pressed his chest to my back, lips skimming the back of my neck. His hands squeezed my hips, gently pulling the material of my dress up before I stopped him. “You’re not gonna let me repay the favor?”

“Not tonight,” I breathed, glancing at him over my shoulder with a smile.

Jake shook his head. “So what, you’re just gonna blow me in some bathroom and not let me pay you back?”

I fixed his jacket and belt, nodding. “Yeah.”

“You’re something else,” he replied.

“Something good, I hope,” I answered. “I’ll let you clean yourself up a bit. See you back at the bar, pretty boy.”

As I walked out of the bathroom, savoring the lightheaded euphoric feeling of Jake and I’s… activity in the bathroom, Quinn smirked at me from the bar. I slowly settled into the seat beside her, watching her pull a small tin from her purse and pop it open. “Mint?” I didn’t look at her as I accepted the small pungent candy and popped it into my mouth, wincing slightly at how it mingled with the salty tang left by Jake. 

“Well, that was impulsive.”

I shook my head. “Not a word, Quinn.”

“Oh, I’m not judging!” She assured me. “Lord knows I’ve given a lot less pretty guys blowjobs in club bathrooms. I was just making an observation.”

Jake slid back behind the bar, whispering a few words of appreciation to the other man working for covering for him. Then, he stood in front of us and leaned against the bar. “Didn't know you were coming."

"Wow, not even a thank you for dressing your girl up for you?" She scoffed. "I see how it is."

"Having fun, Quinn?”

She smirked. “One of us certainly is.”

“Need a refill?” He asked, brushing past her blatantly obvious taunt.

“Always,” she smiled even wider. “I am so glad you invited me tonight. Now I get dibs on the teasing.”

I shook my head at her. “Tease away.”

Tease, she did. For thirty minutes, she gave Jake and me her best material. She covered bathroom blowjobs, the ever-popular “just friends” comments, and more, but unlike the other times, she’d teased me there wasn’t any of the shameful weight. But, of course, I wasn’t hiding my attraction or feelings for Jake now, so her teasing ultimately made us both chuckle.

When the night finally ended, Jake walked me outside and waited for me while I hailed a cab. I nudged his shoulder. “Are you going to Ari’s big show thing this weekend?”

“Normally, I’d say fuck no,” Jake replied, grinning. “But now I know you’re going.”

“You don’t have to come just for me.”

“It could be fun,” he insisted. “Besides, she always throws a party after at her abandoned hotel, and that is always a good time.”

I smiled at him as the cab pulled up beside me. “Then I guess I’ll see you there.”

He lit a cigarette and placed it between his lips. “Maybe I’ll get to repay that favor I owe you.”

Favor seemed like a far too nice word for what I knew he had in mind. “Goodnight, loser.”

“Get home safe,” he answered, watching the cab pull away before he started hailing one of his own.

My apartment was quiet, filled with the soft white noise of my old TV playing in the living room while I changed and got ready for bed. I’d just gotten a glass of water when a loud engine speeding across the street sent me ducking for cover. I curled up on the floor, my back pressed tightly into the back of the couch as I listened, holding my breath, to see if the car would make another pass. 

Have you seen his car recently? I texted Dom with shaking hands.

His reply was almost instantaneous. No, why? Did something happen?

I forced an even breath out. No. I just thought I heard it drive by.

Stay put. I’m on my way.

Dom arrived at my apartment within a matter of minutes. He carefully drove through the neighborhood a few times, scanning the parked cars and the surrounding streets before he parked his bike and came to sit beside me on the floor. “I didn’t see anything, but I’ll stay the night to make sure.”

“You don’t have to do that,” I answered softly, holding my legs close to my chest.

Dom leaned forward to meet my far-off gaze. “Yeah, I do. Now go get in bed and go to sleep. I’ll take the couch.” I opened my mouth to protest, but he just rolled his eyes and stood up. He set up the couch and settled into the firm cushions, facing the door.

I reached over and held his hand for a minute. “Thanks, Dom.”

He squeezed it with a smile. “Get some sleep, kid. Nothin’s getting past me.”

That night I tossed and turned for a few minutes before passing out, knowing the truth of Dom’s words. Nothing was going to happen while he was here. Nothing ever did. For a minute, I could just close my eyes and forget that there was even a problem… for a minute, I could just go to sleep like an average person. I knew deep down it wouldn’t always be so easy, but I would pretend tonight.

[catnherthoughts]

ptsd in romantic relationships 12/18/23

this is not fair to you and i apologize. there is nothing you have done to me as far as i've known. this weight coming onto you is not what you deserve. i should be sorry that i am the one you love*. you don't even know it! you have no clue and as much as i'd love for it to stay that way i don't know if i can keep hiding these panic attacks. but how am i meant to tell you. it's not a good thing and i'm meant to be good. i am as good as i can be because you picked me an made me yours. you gave me something i've been searching for for years and i have to nerve to feel any sort of way? it's been a very long time since i've been in therapy. i think that you can infer from some things. you aren't dumb, in fact you're a capricorn. with a cancer moon. god you are great.

i remember when we were in the car and you said you've never really had any sort of real emotional turmoil. you've never thought of suicide. never been abused to a degree that was severe. that is so nice. i was so grateful that you never had to experience something like that. you don't have any sort of weight on you. then immediately after i thought to myself. i have thought of it. there were days, weeks, months, years where it's all i thought of. more times than i'd like to admit that i've tried and for some reason unbeknownst to me all failed. all of them failed for me to come to you like a battered puppy inside.

you don't know what happened to me. how they hit me and what i was forced to take and how i was manipulated. i was meant to feel like i wasn't a person. that is what love is to me. i am scared everyday that you are going to do the same and that is not fair to you. you are nice to me. such a great partner. how could i ever think that way. i feel so horrible about myself when you say something stupid and i think about how you could be trying to manipulate me or trying to do something to me. when we got high over the phone and u joked about gaslighting i laughed it off but i almost went into a panicked frenzy.

i don't deserve you. i can't pretend like i am not who i am. you don't know me at heart and i don't even know if i can tell you. how is this gonna work. you don't get it and i don't want you to. no one has ever really loved me without repercussions to my psyche. i have scars on my body from everyone i've ever loved, whether self inflicted, inflicted by them, or mental. im so tired. i dont deserve you i should kill myself. you don't deserve a girlfriend like me. you deserve a girl that is okay mentally, no attempts under her belt, a normal girl. so you guys can love each other and you don't have to deal with this. i don't even want to deal with it. i don't want to tell you but i think after we break up i may do it. i got the love i've been longing for and i've been so tired of keeping going. you don't deserve a dead girlfriend. maybe i'll do it a few years after we break up so u don't think its your fault. if anything its the opposite. you're delaying the ineviatable by being such a good person.

i haven't been good at all. i'm a bad person. i can say that the world molded me this way but that is an excuse i chose not to take. there is something wrong with me in the soul after being thrown around the way i have. you don't deserve someone like me. if i had a gun i'd do it right now and leave you a long letter about how you were such a great boyfriend and how you helped me through what i'd never tell you about and all the things of that sort. i think that i was meant to perpetually be abused so that i can take all i can possibly take and then reach a breaking point where my method of choice actually goes through. i'm sorry that i am me.

gray text: ohh, guessing u don’t wanna talk about it

blue text: i don't want it to seem like i don't tell you why i feel some ways sometimes because of anything against you. there is just a good amount of things you don't know ab yet and eventually you'll know ab it all but i just get anxious that you won't look at me the same plus i don't wanna like burden u with this stuff i can deal w myself. i trust you a lot and rlly do appreciate you very much.

im so sorry that we met and you liked me.

[ashmp3]

teo.... remember that I love you. I'm sorry I don't have any jeonghan pics... cancer sun, libra moon, capricorn rising, leo mercury, gemini mars, gemini venus

Tess can i just say something without incriminating myself . Someone i am maybe interested in idk yk me has cancer sun leo mercury gemini mars and venus. They liked me for years in hs and it was very much a puppy crush i didn’t even know about. So reading ur chart gave me WHIPLASH like WYM. Omfg…

Huge smash no actually marry like yes i am afraid i would be a bit boring to you again not you it’s a me problem. But i find leo mercury so fun to talk to like you can keep up with me (leo moon) and i feel like it’s a beautiful thing. Gemini mars and venus SCARES ME like genuinely u guys scare me i am demure and prudent but alas i can’t lie and say it is not interesting. Active as fuck hates being bored wants to try something new etc etc i already feel tired. And scared. I feel like our libra moon - libra sun is cute i don’t mind it. Anyway yeah i’m on my knees it’s a kiss and a marry. but also this feels like a sign. But to me everything is a sign bc i know how to read. 😭😭😭😞

[lutepormax]

Hi! I'm sorry to be bothering you, I'm just wondering how your dog is doing?

Hey, friend, I'm so sorry for taking this long to answer/show up and thank you so much for caring about my puppy's wellbeing. This is a recent pic of Max (sorry you can't see his face, he was looking at the door waiting for my mom to enter). I managed to pay for his last evaluation and he's as happy and healthy as an old dog can be, completely cancer free thanks to you all.

Allow me to use the space your ask provided to vent a little. It's going to be a little heavy, so you don't need to keep reading.

This little baby is Flynn. A good eye will notice that Flynn is extremely thin.

Some days ago, I found Flynn on my roof. I was shocked, in tears because I thought I had found a dead kitten. He was just there, limp, his eyes almost closed. I need to bury him, I thought, I shouldn't leave him like this. Besides, the smell will invade my house and his body will attract maggots, poor thing. So that's what I tried to do—I tried to bring him down with a broom, as gently as I could because it was still just a tiny kitten. But then I heard it, as soon as I touched his back with the broom, the softest, weakest meow. I noticed he was breathing—barely. He was alive.

He was alive! I was shocked, I was happy, and scared, oh my goodness his state, what do I do? What do I do?! I messaged my friends. I was walking around the house with him—I grabbed a towel and I wrapped him in it and he was so, so cold, his pink nose was almost purple and he didn't make a move, his eyes were always closed, he gasped for air a little bit. What do I do?! I messaged. What can I do for him? God, please I don't want to watch him die in my arms. How could I not hear him meowing for help?! He's alive!

My friends were angels, they were heroes. They gave me instructions on how to make an emergency substitute for kitten's formula, helped me calm down to keep him warm and we sunbathed together. Sometimes he opened his eyes, still limp, and looked at me. Beautiful shiny green eyes, lost, trying to understand what was going on. He was skin and bones on that roof. His mama saw he couldn't go on and left him behind. His fate was to die alone in the cold and I found him. I didn't let him leave this world knowing nothing about what love felt like.

The first time I fed him, after being instructed about the correct position, terrified I would fill his lungs with emergency formula, I felt like I was feeding a corpse. He didn't move an inch. I cried and cried and held him and talked to him, come on baby, you can do this. Don't let me go through this. Let me save you. He didn't answer, of course, and tried to meow at me, but only some tiny, almost non-existent squeaks left his mouth. He needed a vet. He needed to be admitted and given intravenous medication. His little eye boogers were smelling weird, it was obvious he had some sort of infection. I kept him away from Max, but I honestly didn't care about myself. I wanted to cuddle him. I wanted to snuggle him and try to cure whatever the hell he had with the sheer force of my will alone. He needs a vet and I don't have money. He needs a 100 bucks kitten formula and a vet and I'm poor and I have almost 2k in bills to pay and 9 bucks on my account.

The second time I fed him, I went through the whole process again. I stroked his little head. I filled the syringe with the emergency formula. His green eyes were sparkling. When I put the syringe inside his mouth, the little prick woke up. He clawed at that syringe! He took all of his 14ml of formula—we needed to do this with tiny amounts every couple of hours because we were terrified of the refeeding syndrome—and let out a louder meow this time, a "come on, I want more" kinda meow. There I was crying again, happy, so glad he heard me, so glad he was fighting. He still had an infection. He still needed a vet. But he was fighting.

The next day I'd find out he was clingy as hell—makes sense, being so malnourished. My shoulder quickly became his favorite spot. When he put his paws on the cold floor of my house for the first time, he started meowing like crazy to get back on my lap. He could barely walk properly at first, weak as he was. He didn't have a lot of balance and couldn't jump. He needed to be kept warm at all times or he'd sing a symphony. No signs of his mom, it was just us in this huge fight to survive. I kept contacting vet clinics till before yesterday to try and make some kind of arrangement because he really needed to see a doc.

Sorry, we understand you can't pay right now, but we cannot schedule payment for your next card bill until this month's bill has closed. I know you think he's at risk of dying until then, but try to keep him stabilized and call us back. Sorry, if he's walking and meowing, it's not really that urgent now, is it? Unfortunately I can't see him for free. Sorry, our store balance closes daily and we are unable to process payments that are not made immediately. Meanwhile, Flynn kept meowing, walking, seeking the warmth of my hands or my shoulder, looking at me with his pretty green eyes, so grateful to have a second chance. This picture is from 3 days ago. The sun was instrumental in saving Flynn's life and he was thanking its rays, in the photo, by rolling under them.

I woke up to give him food 7am and he was limp again. He didn't make it to his litter box—the one he learned so quickly how to use—and pooped on his bed. He looked up at me and meowed and I heard it again; that weak, weak meow. Something happened to him during the night. He got worse.

I couldn't feed him anymore, he couldn't swallow. His eyes were lost, looking for me, looking at nothing. I called everyone. Everyone. I texted, I asked for help, I tried to find a vet that could understand this was a fucking emergency and he was dying in front of me and I didn't have money but he needed his life, he was barely out of his mom's womb, he deserved the world, he deserved toys, he deserved the sun and food and attention and peace, he deserved me! He deserved me! He deserved me. He didn't deserve to meow helplessly like he probably did on that roof for God knows how much time until I found him. He didn't deserve to feel pain. But does it matter what I think he deserved? I had to watch it anyway. I had to watch it, stroke his little head and cry and watch him die.

He died on his bed just before I found a doctor that could take him in without an immediate payment. He died before I could help him, because it was too late. He died because I took him in while I was well aware that I wouldn't have the means to help him like he needed. Because I'm poor.

I couldn't help my dog without dozens of donations, and I'm thankful, but it's fucking enraging. It's tiring. It's humiliating. I need to choose which bills to pay and which ones to give up on until next month. I need to watch my mom lose sleep because she has three lumps on her breasts and she needs a surgery to remove them and the healthcare system in this country is so goddamn slow and I can't pay for her surgery because I'm poor. I'm poor. I'm too poor to help her, I'm too poor to help myself, I'm too poor to pay for what we need, I was too poor to save Flynn. Life is not a fairytale and there's not gonna be a rich anonymous dude who's gonna read this random ass grief-stricken word salad and donate 10 thousand dollars. I'm not gonna win the lotery. It's just the same daily miserable life. The difference is that now, each new bill I have to pay will be marked with the image of Flynn dying in front of me. Each shoe box I see will remind me of the one he was buried in, with his little black blanket. I'll look at the medical exams I should do and remember his green, empty eyes as he laid there after fighting so damn hard for his life.

It's just another failure in a big list of failures. And I'm tired.

[i-like-ratsssss]

Bear Hugs :)

I love hugs. I always have. I would always give tight hugs to everyone in the gang at random moments; they love it!

“Two! You’re hugging too tightly again!” Soda strained, his breath coming out in small pants. I let out a loud laugh, letting him go. “Sorry Sodapop, I forget about my strength sometimes,” I say, smiling happily. He patted my shoulder, smiling happily as well. Besides myself, Soda loves physical affection. I patted his head as he turned away to walk over to Steve, who was sitting on the couch. I saw Darry in the kitchen with Johnny, just talking about stuff that’s too boring for my brain. I walked up from behind them, wrapping one arm around Darry and one around Johnny. “Howdy Dar-bear and Johnnycake!” I exclaim, smiling brightly. Darry chuckled, Johnny smiled, stuffing his hands in his pockets; being his normal, shy self.

“Hi, Two.” Johnny said softly, looking up at him with his big, black eyes. I smirk at him, pulling Darry closer for the hug. Darry sighed, crossing his arms. “Keith, my back hurts, don’t lean intensely please,” “Got it, Superman. You can trust this fella!” I say, pointing at myself with my thumb with a proud, smugish look. “You got drunk just 15 minutes ago.” Darry pointed out, messing with my hair as Johnny covered his mouth with a chuckle. I puff my cheeks out, crossing my arms out. “That’s not that big of a deal! Besides, it was only 3 bottles!” I flap my hands angrily.

Pony walked in at the perfect time, chuckling at the scene created by me. I quickly turn around, seeing Pony’s smiley face. “I will hug you to death, Pony. Don’t test me,” I blurt out, holding my fists out. He laughs again, putting his thumbs in his jean pockets. “Bring it, TwoBit!” He exclaimed as I ran towards him, hugging him tightly. I ended up picking him up, he was surprisingly very light. I mean, he is still a kid, but damn. Steve got up and walked over to us. “Damn Two, you’re huggin him real hard; which is perfect to do this!” Pony started dying laughing as Steve started to tickle his waist as I held him tightly.

Dallas got up from the kitchen countertop. He was dropping in on Darry and Johnny’s conversation while drinking a beer. “Hey Steve, Tickle the back of his knees! That area always works.” Dally yelled, flicking his lighter open to light his cancer stick. Ponyboy’s eyes widened at Dally’s advice for Steve. “Steve! I will beat ya ass if you listen to him!” I laugh at Pony's innocent threat. Steve smirked, starting to tickle the back of Pony’s knees. Pony giggled loudly, squirming in my arms.

This went on for around 5 minutes before Steve finally stopped, laughing. I put Pony down, messing with his hair. He puffed his cheeks up, crossing his arms. I walked over to Steve, messing with his hair too. He quickly got annoyed. “Hey! It takes at least 30 minutes to do each curl. Watch it, Beer-Belly!” I bark a loud laugh. “Whatever you say, Mr. Perfect hair.” I never cared for my hair but Steve’s hair meant the world for him, even if it was long and greasy; he cared for it like a pet or child. I gave him a tight bear hug. He, still annoyed, gave one back. “I'm still upset about my hair.”

I pulled away from him before he could swat me away. I quickly realized I didn’t hug Dallas yet. I looked over to him, seeing him puff multiple clouds of smoke out. I walked over, not minding the smoke. I whispered to him through the smoke, “Hey Dilly.” He looked over, raising an eyebrow. “Huh?” He asked, his tone as dull as ever. “Come on! Lighten up and give me a hug!” I holler, pulling his arm. “No way, Two. I don’t do hugs,” I start to give puppy eyes, “Awwwww! Please! I’ll make Johnny join!” I shout, trying to get Johnny’s attention. Dally stared for a moment before sighing. “Fine.” I smile happily, pulling Johnny over. Johnny stiffened from nervousness; nevertheless accepting the hug. Soda stood up from the couch, running over, grabbing Steve, Ponyboy and Darry. He pulled all three in for a huge hug between all seven. “This is nice, guys.” Soda blurted out, smiling sweetly. I was surprised that Steve didn’t object as Pony nodded. Darry smiled happily, wrapping his large arms around everyone. It truly was like a bear hug which was extremely enjoyable. Unexpectedly, Dally started to smile, only accepting this hug for Johnny who was enjoying the hug very much out of lack of affection.

Writing

I need ideas. Help.

[ceyrann]

PAC Collaboration: Your Marriage Life With Them

So as y’all can see from the title, this is a PAC collab with @alaezasmystery​ cuz apparently we two were thinking of doing something FS-ish ahahahahaha and boom.

Y’all know the drill. Clear your mind, take in deep breaths, choose the pile that calls out to you. Or piles. And then head down to the corresponding part of the post to see the messages you’re called to receive.

As usual, this PAC is for entertainment purposes. Take whatever that resonates and feel free to drop the rest. Credits of the images go to the respective artists.

The piles go by left to right, top to bottom.

Found your pile? Let's go!

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🌱 Pile 1 🌱

Intuitively :- This pile is super cute . I am getting a very romantic energy . You'll be very affectionate couple , hugging, kissing and holding hands in public and even in front of family and friends . You'll very obviously show your love for one another. Pda couple vibes!!!!! It's like little to no selfishness in this marriage . 

The masculine here will surprise the feminine or less masculine with gifts, the feminine or less masculine will surprise them with their favourite meals etc. The main theme of this marriage is basically caring and devotion. Hahhh , others may see you as the lovesick puppy type. You'll always help each other . A telepathic connection for sure . Understanding each other in deeper levels . 

Your partner will be a shoulder to cry on, they'll always provide you with care that you need . But they'll be honest with you, if you do wrong they will not hesitate to tell you that. I'm seeing a taller person than you . This is someone who is very loving and will possibly be the first one to fall in love with . Love at first sight for sure 💕.

Signs :- Cancer , Aquarius , Gemini

Initials :- R , T , F , G , H L , O , P , V , U

Here are some quotes for you!

- by @alaezasmystery

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🌱 Pile 2 🌱

This Pile feels more like a traditional type of marriage 💑 . So if you choose this Pile, you're probably a typical feminine or masculine energy wanting to attract a typical masculine or feminine . This doesn't mean that only straight people can choose this Pile but that if you are a feminine then your spouse will be a masculine . 

I'm kinda getting the 60s vibes of being a main provider and the other one a stay at home . Or someone is working from home . This will be a pretty average marriage , like you'll get married then you'll have children then one person will be a full time parent while the other focus on raising the kids . 

You'll probably live in the suburbs or a big family home . The masculine will be the more dominant but the feminine will not mind . The masculine here feels like more of a protective one . The feminine will be taken care of emotionally and physically . Also , you probably have a dream , a pretty big one which your spouse will help in achieving it 💞 .

Signs :- Aries , Sagittarius , Capricorn

Initials :- D , S , C , M , I , Y , R , G , N

Here are some quotes for you!

- by @alaezasmystery

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🎬 Pile 3 🎬

万花争艳，

我，唯独心悦于你。

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The flowers bloom,

My eyes, they're set on you.

Hewwo Pile 3, your married life with them seems exquisite and a bunch of extra pretty things, and a lot of people may admire what you’re going through. Honestly, you yourself may also think that your married life is like the Happily-Ever-After kinda ending of a fairytale, having an emperor by your side, leading you through life and making sure success is on your side, not having to worry about getting yourself better or improving yourself for whatever life throws at you.

My dear, I’m so sorry to break this to you but this pile gave me a feeling that you soon learn that your married life with them would remain a facade, a beautiful outer shell, if you do not do something.  

Marriage is a contract between different parties, and these parties are required to put in similar effort, if not equal, in it. It’s basically the same for any form of relationship. If you do not put in the necessary effort, your marriage life will be stagnant, and so many times you’ll feel as though you’ve fallen out of love. Have you really fallen out of love? No, my dear. You’re just too used to having fun and having people loving you without you really needing to do anything.

Thing is, you need to do something. You have to give up your old thoughts and attempt something new in your marriage life, only then you can see you and your future spouse working and having fun together, experiencing new things in life together.

Pile 3, your married life with them may not seem to be the roses and jewels that you originally thought you wanted, but as time passes, with efforts on both sides, you’ll rebuild a new flower garden with your future spouse with all the things you both share and like. You’ve learnt to surround yourself with people who share your values and beliefs, and they’ll be your greatest support through your married life.

For some reason, I have a feeling that your future spouse loves you a lot. There’s this line of a song that kept playing in my head “Not gonna leave anyone feeling alone anymore”. And I think this is really sweet.

- by your local crackhead aka me

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🎬 Pile 4 🎬

情柔似水，

携手共度此生。

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Love, as gentle as the waters

Your hand in mine, walking through this life.

Hello Pile 4! I saw these two owls today and I immediately took my phone out to take a picture of them. I just felt so pulled to these two adorable plushies and thought it would be a good picture to be used in this reading.

For some reason, your pile gives a very cute, cozy and comfy energy. Very gentle, very warm. Your married life is also the same. You and your future spouse are gentle and warm to each other, very aware of the feminine side of yourselves and do not disregard emotions surfacing in your married life. It’s like… You two are just SO CUTE TOGETHER AAAAAAAAAA 

You guys do not claim or take pride in anything, and hold each other in an uplifting way. Lemme rephrase myself. Sometimes, some people may think that a relationship works well is cuz of Themself Doing The Work. But you and your future spouse? Nah. You both know very well that you both work together to achieve things, and none of you claim them as your own. 

Sometimes, you may feel that you’re lacking support and there may be some sort of stagnancy in your marriage. It usually means that it’s time for you to take small celebrations into your life and to fill it with wonder, delight and joy. 

Maybe you can take some time out? I have a feeling that when things like this happen, and when you ask around for advice, your friends and family would probably give you tickets to some theme park and tell you to go out with your future spouse. Going out and having fun together is definitely gonna help you out I promise. Cuz that’s when you learn new things about them and you just take them to your heart. Of course, they do the same for you too! It’s a very balanced energy!

Pile 4, your married life with them feels like the new beginning in your chapter. You’ve been through a lot in your life and somehow, this marriage you have with them serves like… Some sort of help? It gives me healing energy and just… A comforting presence. Your worries, your anxiety and all succumb under their gentle touch and care, allowing you to sleep peacefully at night with them by your side. 

The line of a song’s lyric, “the sparkle in our lives will definitely not disappear” kept looping in my head and as I typed out the having fun part, it definitely rings well cuz it’s usually the small happiness that are living as memories in our head, and they will not disappear. We rekindle the tiny parts of light as we have fun and hopefully, you’re also your spouse’s source of light.

- by booyah me

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Thanks for reading! Hope y’all had fun reading them as much as we do them! Feedbacks are appreciated!

[nonnnimous]

Venus signs as details I notice on them + some from my intuition

Aries : you don't choose them they choose you + if you challenge them? Maybe they'll give u a try. Really can't hide feelings (including ones of frds, not secret keeper) if they don't tell u bcs of their ego, their eyes will. Charm, always look good in sports wear, cat eyes or look good in cat eyeliner?

Taurus : stubborn. only love sugar daddy/mommy, ppl with class and money. If u smell good u're in. If u have a nice room u're in. Again they choose u (i notice this goes for first few signs in the wheel) most prob to have netflix & chill everyday. The body goals on Pinterest tho, those in sexy cocktail dress.

Gemini : what i just said - sorry they don't choose, they need stimulation so dye ur hair and change ur outfit like fast fashion. I'm afraid they love themselves more than ppl in general, but maybe they'll argue with me so🙊. I don't think cheating is a common theme but the logic is there. Smart flirty and win all the ppl in the room with that laugh, what i imagine ice cubes in cola would be as a person.

Cancer : CUTE, warm, picky af (they'll tell u how they love that person for 10 yrs but never told anyone, then complain how no one compares to that man) accepting to anyone, but I'm afraid they don't have a list of what they want, they only do so according to their last crush who's alr married. Secretly stubborn if u don't see it from the ex. I gave. Can u stop being secret, at least show u're jealous so we will see the issue.

Leo : charm af, girlboss/ big d energy, that smirk on ur resting face makes ppl drop their pants. BUT, don't be flighty cuz u think no one reaches ur level, great personality is more of what u need cuz ur bf/gf shd be ur no.1 supporter and help u hold ur chanel bag when u're in the fitting room. The most suitable person to have a simp or two. A great frd to have like, they'll stand up for u in a millisecond.

Virgo : stop hiding ur feelings and relationships cuz we won't judge so hard like u do. Why do i get feeling of businessmen from them, is that their cold ass heart? We'll never know if u don't tell the truth. Of service to ones they love (not to everyone) clean cut style slick hairstyle I'm in love. Yes it's subtle like puppy love. Sometimes it's interesting but not anymore as we grow up - tell as u mean it don't play the guessing game. Don't frown at me not gettinf ur hints.

Libra : ah fellow libra, flighty in love not bcs of one person but bcs of they see good in anyone : might just recruit them ALL into the simp army. Have the actual ability to charm ppl but won't if u're ugly. Won't actually flirt with ones they don't like. Libras are not fake they really don't give shit if they don't have feelings for u. Secretly chasing $$$, but most likely to earn it themselves. Fake sometimes, talk urself out of everything cuz u either play dumb or u flirt ur way out.

Scorpio : stop staring, stop being hyperaware as if someone's staring back (well most prob there is but relax) don't hide everything just bcs u think feelings are for the weak. And stop holding onto that one person, u really don't see the queue for application as ur bf/gf? Be confident cuz u shd be.

Sagittarius : hippies, or wise old man (least likely, but long hair beard vibe) commitment? What is that? Jokes aside, u prob need time to get all the lessons so most prob to marry late or not marry at all. Charming AF no joke, they don't take things seriously and for some reason it's attractive to many. Great frd to have, they'll prob take good pics too. Giving frat boy vibe.

Capricorn : feels like we're playing monopoly, stoic expression even to the most beautiful being but who knows, maybe an earthquake in ur chest? Giving honest vibes but also sugar daddy/mommy vibes - I don't rely u on romantic feelings or closeness but i know u'll save my ass from trouble. Venus in saturn signs = stable marriage. Cap is no fun, still will put u above gemini

Aquarius : the ones that never think of dating, or tell me that couples acting as best frds is goals af. Most prob to have fulfilling marriage tho (i mean libras may be too but not the first) secretly wealthy af, family is prob wealthy af, the most stable among all air venus. Maybe cuz they never put emphasis on love. It's the suns and stellium that's flirty and playboy, solely venus here do not give off such vibe. Calm, i like them.

Pisces : manic pixie girl is that u? Stop daydreaming i know u know. Stop shoving love letters with no name and expect it goes down like the movie. But cute af like u must be from heaven. Romanticise everything, they be telling u the book is romantic but there's no love line. Most creative after pisces sun.

[fan4196]

Alex’s Award

Hope you like it. Enjoy!

Thanks to @angry-slytherin :)

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If you would have told intern Alex that fourty years in the future he would sit right here, beside his amazing wife of almost thirty years, he would have laughed hard. Never had he imagined that his hard work and a little lie about testicular cancer could bring him this far.

Sitting here in between hundreds of brilliant minds, hoping to win one of the biggest medical awards was still crazy for him. Why him out of all? Why should they give him an award? Why should he out of all deserve an award like this?

As he keeps looking around the room he recognises so many amazing doctors from all over the country. And he still can't believe that he is one of them.

He takes his view back to the stage as he hears Catherine read his name as one of the nominees of the night.

"...Doctor Alexander Karev, Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital..." That's all he hears as Jo squeezes his hand softly before she continues stroking the back of it with her thumb. He glances to the side where his wife is sitting and smiling proudly while she's watching the stage. His view follows his wife's to the stage as Catherine is about to proclaim the winner.

"And the Catherine Fox Award for medical innovation goes to- Alexander Karev, Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital."

The sound of words reach his ears but don't seam to reach his brain. His brain doesn't get it.

The grip of his wife's hands on his cheeks made him finally realise it. He fricking won.

His shocked face slowly defrosts as he looks into Jo's teary eyes. The smile on her face shines of proudness as she leans forward to kiss him, putting her left arm around his neck while her right hand disappears in his hair.

What felt like minutes for him turns out to be only a few seconds as Jo loosens her grip on him.

"I'm so proud of you." Jo whispers while she looks him in the eyes. "Now go and get your award." She loosens her arms completely and carefully pushes him towards the stage.

Where he's standing behind the microphone with his award in his hand within seconds.

"Fu- Sorry. Ahm wow. Thank you so much. I have this long list of people here I want to thank but let's make this short. Mom, Doctor Bailey, Robbins, Mer - thank you. But the person I really have to thank is my incredible wife Doctor Josephine Karev. Without you I would never stand here right now. You made me better, you changed me, you make me believe in myself. Not one person in my life believed in me more than you do. And I'm so incredible grateful that I met you twenty-seven years ago. I'm grateful every single day that I have you in my life, that you believe in me as a person and as a doctor and that you gave me this three amazing kids. Without my kids this idea would have never come to my mind. So I guess I have to thank them too - Emery, Parker, Eden I'm so thankful to have you; to have the privilege to call me your dad and I'm so proud of the people you grew up into. Not to brag but all three turned into amazing Doctors and just last week our son made us grandparents, so I guess we didn't screw them up too much, Princess." Everyone laughs while his eyes are glued on Jo. "Also, I hope someone is filming this, Mer, Cristina, Robbins, Avery-"

He puts the award next to his face before he keeps going. "I have one too now.”

While everyone laughs and applauds him again he makes his way back down to his seat. Smiling big as he sits down and kisses his wife again.

"You're gonna pay for the 'Princess'." She declares as she ends their kiss.

"It was worth it." He simply smirks.

The award show keeps going, honouring a few Doctors that are about to retire.

While they silently follow the scenes on stage Alex slowly starts stroking his hand up Jo's thigh through the slit of her dress. He carefully gets closer to her to whisper in her ear.

"Let's leave early and have some fun."

Not really on board with her husband Jo puts her hand over Alex's to stop him from going any further, before she turns to him.

"You have to go up there at the end of the show again for pictures and everything." She whispers to not bother anyone.

"We'll be finished by then." He replies cheeky, looking around to be sure no one could hear them.

"Ha you don't really believe that right?" She asks looking him in the eyes with an raised eyebrow.

"Are you saying I'm old?"

"No I'm saying if you start you aren't able to stop. So I promise when I got my picture of you on stage with your award and you talked to at least two medical magazine for an interview, you can keep me awake the whole night." Jo answers smiling at him before she leans in for a kiss.

"Deal." He agrees as they part.

The award show slowly comes to an end and all winners get back on stage again for pictures and a few interviews. And slowly the room empties as Alex is done with his third interview.

"Go up there one more time." Jo asks him with puppy dog eyes, knowing that he can't say no to her. "Please, for me?"

So he gets up there one more time so Jo can snap a few more pictures on her phone of him and his award. 

As he comes down again they ask a nice old lady to snap some pictures of them together in front of the stage. 

"Thank you." Jo thanks her with a smile as she takes her phone back.

"Oh you're very welcome. By the way if I'm allowed to say so I admire your work in Africa and I would really like to donate a little something to the Karev Foundation." The little grey haired woman smiles as she gets her check book out of her purse.

"Oh that's so nice. Thank you so much." Jo replies politely as she looks at Alex and back to the elderly woman. "We make sure your little something will help a lot of children."

The old lady scribbles something down on her check book before she folds it and puts it in Alex's chest pocket.

"Thank you so much again." Alex thanks her again, than takes Jo's hand and guides her out of the room.

"And now Doctor Karev I'm gonna take you to my room and rip that dress off you." He whispers as they walk towards the elevators.

"Whatever you want." Jo answers sneaky.

They wait a few seconds before they get into the elevator and push the button to their floor.

With Alex's award and her purse in her hands Jo can't fight back as he gets behind her and starts kissing her neck. She turns in his arms before she stops him for a second.

"What?" He asks a little disappointed as he still holds her tight.

"I wanna see what she donated." Jo answers as she hands him his award and her purse.

Fishing the check out of his chest pocket to unfold it.

"Holy-"

"What?" He quickly asks as he looks into his wife's big eyes.

She turns the check to show it to him, "It's a million!"

They silently stare into each other's eyes, both in shock of the amount of money they are able to put into their work in the future.

The sound of the elevator stopping wakes them and with another quick kissing Jo turns around and makes her way to their room. Alex follows a little behind, still carrying her purse and his award.

He quickly catches up with her and gets their room key out of his inner suit pocket to open the door.

Inside he quickly closes the door and gets rid off the things in his hands. To have them free for his wife. Within seconds their lips are back together and they slowly start undressing each other.

Alex is just about to open the zipper of Jo's dress as his phone starts ringing.

"No." He grouls, but picks up as he sees the name of his daughter on the screen.

"Hey kiddos. What's up? Did something happen?" He immediately asks, as he puts it on speaker and throws it down on the bed near his wife.

"Oh shut up dad. Congratulations." The voice of their youngest daughter comes through the phone.

"Thanks Eden." He laughs, as he quietly gets rid of his shoes and starts slowly opening one button after the other while he stares into Jo's eyes with a little grin on his lips.

"We are so proud of you dad." His oldest daughter congratulates through the speaker.

"Thank you Emy." He answers, still looking into his wife's hungry eyes as he gets rid of his suit jacket and shirt.

"Yeah you rocked that dad. We are very proud and Anna says congrats too, she just went to bed with Claire." His son adds to his siblings congrats.

"Thank you guys." Alex replies as he sits down on the bed beside Jo who smiles at him.

"Is mom there too?" Eden asks, knowing that it's a rhetorical question because their parents are always together.

"Yeah. I'm here." Jo answers, turning her view to the phone.

"You looked so hot in that dress mom. I have to say it." Eden adds.

"Thanks Eden. " Jo answers a little confused, "How do you know about my dress?"

"Dad send us pictures." Her daughter clarifies.

"Oh he did." Jo replies turning her view back to her husband, raising her eyebrow in surprise.

"Yeah. But we don't want to bother you any longer, by the look of you in that dress I'm actually surprised you picked up at all." Their youngest daughter jokes.

"Eden!" Emery's voice echoes through the phone.

"What? It's true. They might be our parents and maybe old but we all know that they still do it like bunnies."

"Good night Eden." Jo quickly interrupts before their daughter could say anything more, "Good night everyone else."

"Night mom and dad."

"Good night." Alex says his good bye before he hangs up and lets himself fall back onto the bed in laughter.

Jo joins him as she falls against his bare chest.

"She's not wrong." Alex shrugs as he slowly calms down again.

"I know." Jo adds before she starts kissing him again.

[serenityseventeen]

Love & Letter: To The Thirteen Boys I've Loved Before

The Ninth Letter

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To: Kim Mingyu

From: Y/N

Dear Mingyu, are you doing well?

Well, we don't see each other often anymore so I'm always wondering that. We used to always bump into each other at the grocery store or the mall. Now, I don't even see you anywhere.

I don't blame you for it. Now that we've broken up, I can feel your love. The love that you gave me when we were together still lingers. I haven't forgotten about you yet. Do you know why? It's because I'm convinced. I still love you.

These days, even after breaking up with you, I still think back on our sweet moments. I stayed up late a few days ago, just thinking back on our relationship and how far in love we were.

Before I go to sleep, I always feel the empty space beside my bed for you. You came by to my dormitory whenever you had the chance and would sleep in my bed because you said you missed me. Thank God my dormitory allowed visitors because if it didn't, we would have seen each other even less.

Even if I was just working on school assignments on my laptop, you would crawl beside me and sleep. Sometimes, no, every time, I couldn't stop myself from messing up your soft hair. You didn't want to bother me and just wanted to be by me so you slept, right?

Well, you sleeping was just as big of a distraction.

I promised to tell you on your birthday when and why I fell for you. Today is your birthday. April 6th.

I'll tell you, in this letter.

It wasn't on the first day that I began working at the cafe with you that I fell for you. I started working at the cafe in the middle of summer break for more money and you were my senior. You know how hard it was for me. I needed money for living expenses and my father was hospitalized for cancer.

I'll get back to the subject. I started falling in love with you because...well, you were you. Your personality, just the way you were made me gradually fall for you. You made my heart flutter and race with your gentle and caring actions. You were also funny and kind and clumsily cute.

Before I met you, I was battling a small heartbreak. I lost one of my friends because I liked them romantically. I was going to push myself away from love because you know, loving me is like a curse. I didn't want to fall in love again but then you... I met you.

At first, I was growing a bit suspicious of you? I was starting to think that you liked me when you always hovered over me and lingered behind me. You also held my hand frequently to ‘help’ me.

I didn't think much of it until I saw your eyes and smile. I always thought that I fell in love way too easily but I don't know how I was able to resist you. That's when your indirect back hugs began to make my heart pound.

Summer break was almost over and I became sure of my feelings the more that I hung out with you. We would also coincidentally meet each other at the grocery store, food markets, and malls, and we were able to hang out together that way too. Shopping with you was fun and memorable.

Since summer break was coming to an end, I didn't want to go back to college with a lump in my chest. I just felt like I should tell you about my feelings while not expecting us to date.

So, that's how I asked you out.

I made sure that it was only us in the kitchen of the cafe. I was pretty confident that you liked me back but I still wanted to ask.

We were washing dishes when I said, “Mingyu, I like you. What do you think of me?”

“You? Of course, I like you too.”

I won't lie, the answer got me a bit disappointed at first, but then you kissed me softly on the lips afterward and made me realize otherwise.

I liked the romance we had. There was no one to tell us apart. At work, when we were alone, you would become all lovey-dovey with me, sneaking kisses and grabbing my hand. I liked it. It gave me this feeling of... Youthful romance?

With you, I was able to overcome everything hard. College was kicking me constantly but I was always excited to come to work. I was always excited for the weekend because we could just lay in each other's arms. We would go on classic dates, holding hands, walking. Mingyu, it was because of you that I was able to smile.

You even visited my father with me, bringing delicious foods that you made yourself. Do you know how grateful I am for that? I always thanked you but I am truly thankful. My dad liked you a lot and wanted to see you often. Seeing you two get along made me happy.

I was really happy but of course, the curse had to strike and everything we built had to come tumbling down.

We didn't last long enough to even celebrate your birthday, which is regretful. I actually already had a gift for you, a nice watch because you recently broke yours, but I guess I can't give it to you. Maybe I'll slip the watch in the envelope with this letter.

I know for you, it'd be hard to believe what I'm about to say but please, believe me. I was cowardly and because I didn't want to hurt you more in the future, I made that decision.

Mingyu, I know I still love you.

Maybe there was a chance that we would break through and not drift apart but to me, that's nothing but assumptions and I don't want to get ahead of myself.

College is tough and I'm sure you understand that. After I got fired from the cafe, I knew that I wouldn't be able to see you that much anymore. Plus, you also know that I started taking more part-time jobs to pay for my father's hospital bills and my own living. We both needed money just as much as we needed each other.

Maybe if I made the decision of ignoring that guy, I wouldn't have gotten fired; but I couldn't stand it. I saw you too, clenching your fist as you watched, I just got to the guy before you did. I mean, how could he so publicly harass one of the waitresses? I was so angry and got out of control, so I threw a milk bottle at him. I don't know if I should regret that choice.

I don't want you to think that you were nothing but filler, something to fill in my romance cravings amidst my hectic schedules. I truly loved you and I know that because I feel it. I can feel this strong desire to stay with you, see you smile, spend time with you...

And if you read this letter, you might ask, “Then why did you break up with me if you felt like that?”

Well, I didn't want to become a burden.

The day was already gloomy and the weather said it was going to rain. I asked to meet up and when you rushed over, I could tell that you already knew what was coming.

I don't have enough time for love. My weekends became bombarded with part-time jobs so I was rarely at the dormitory. My schedules became hectic and school just made it harder for us to see each other.

It was beginning to rain when I started talking.

“Mingyu, I think we should stop seeing each other; we don't even see each other often.”

“But it's fine, isn't it? Why would we...”

“You know how it is for me.”

“It'll be fine, Y/N. I'll be here for you no matter what.”

I shook my head.

“Let's just break up.”

I don't know what was going on in your head but I'm sure you were angry. I couldn't read your eyes and I couldn't tell what you were thinking because I was consistently repeating to myself in my head while holding back my tears, ‘I'm sorry’.

“Why? We can overcome this! I'm sure I can help your father get better. We can live together, we can help each other.”

“I'm sorry, Mingyu.”

I remember you took my hand when as I was turning to leave. I almost cried.

“Why?” You asked. “I know we can...”

“Mingyu... don't get ahead of yourself. I don't want to ruin our relationship because of my problems.”

It was painful for me to let you go. I just gave you my umbrella and boarded the bus. You were too late and started chasing it but didn't catch up. I began crying so much that I had to cover my face and mouth. I'm sure people were looking at me. With rain pattering the windows, my tears flowed.

I hope that somewhere, you have left a trace of me.

I have a feeling that somehow, I could have chosen a better solution for this problem. Now that I'm spending a few days back here at my house, I miss you more than usual. I dream every day that maybe, we'll meet again coincidentally and you had been waiting for me, but who am I to think that when I was the one who ended it?

You've stopped posting on your social media.

Yesterday night, I looked back on our pictures in my photo gallery and my heart ached so much. Just seeing your smile was enough to cheer me up but break me down at the same time.

I wanted to reach out to you today and wish you a happy birthday. I kept typing and erasing, typing and erasing, and in the end, I didn't send any sort of text. Your birthday is almost over and I haven't said anything nor have I given you my gift. I'm sorry. If I do send the gift, maybe we'll see each other again, but at the same time, I'm afraid to see you again.

Your puppy-like personality, your sweet words, your soft gestures, your smile that can light up my world, your everything that I loved, I miss it all. Will time do its work?

Maybe one day I will move on and forget you.

I don't think we have another chance.

You probably feel betrayed that I don't think our love was powerful enough to overcome my problems. Was I selfish? I think so. Now that I think about it, I didn't want to drag you into my problems but I didn't give you much chance to speak. I didn't want to hurt you but even then, I only thought about myself. I guess I didn't want the guilt of having you bear my problems with me. I was selfish and didn't consider anything else.

I couldn't think of any other solution.

If we did continue dating, would it have been better or worse for us? Would we have broken up with bigger scars or would we have continued our love with stronger hearts?

Yes, I was stupid. I'm a fool and I'm sorry. I won't be mad if you resent me because I'm just a cowardly fool. This letter makes me realize that now, belatedly.

All this time, I thought I was doing something right by not taking you into hell with me.

In the end, I still don't know if I chose the best choice for us.

Yours truly,

Y/N

-----------------

© serenityseventeen

7/2/21 - 3:17 pm

a/n: I have finally learned the chorus choreography to RTL. It's not as hard as Home or Getting Closer but it's also tiring lol. I need to work more on my posture and angles to make it look good. What should I learn next...?

[thewhitelotusdemon]

So everyone today at 6:30PM my time I will be saying bye to my dog, my best friend, my Munchkin, my absolute everything. He slept with me ALL night on his last full night here. I cried when I went to bed and I cried when I woke up and gave him a hug. I've had this dog for over 12 years since I was 10 and since my brother was 6. I am now 22 he is now 18 and Shadow has been with us through so so much. Through all my issues, my mom having cancer twice, every family death, absolutely everything. He always knew how to put a smile on anyone's face by just putting his face in yours and giving you the biggest puppy eyes. I love this boy more then anything in this world and today it feels like half my heart will be going away. I plan on holding him as he gets put to sleep. I saw a post on my FaceBook that made me cry and it said "Dogs are never gone. They just go to sleep in our hearts." And I love that because he's not going away he's just going to be taking a very long nap. I don't believe in Heaven or Hell as I am not religious whatsoever but for dogs I believe they go somewhere that's their own version of Heaven. He will be reunited with my cat Tiger that I had growing up and my boyfriends dog Cookie, both my aunts dogs Abby and Sasha, and my first dog ever Dakota. I will meet you again one day Shadow I promise but until then I love you and I will never ever forget you baby never ever...

My goober, my goofball, my Munchkin, my baby, my good boy. I love you Shadow Black❤🐶

Tagging people here to let them know: @the-sloth-woman @skyboivinauthor @my-sins-of-love @minoux @meilc @yukinonshi @kyaruun @l-e-w-d-y @fairibb @diabolikal-eve @queenie-peachy @lavendel080 @zeb-kunny @vantalizing

If I missed anyone else I'm sorry...

[fanficsallthewayhey]

In ruined soil flowers bloom -3-

Pepper answered the call immedeatly, and was visibly shocked at Tony's 'morning after chemo' look.

"Hey Pep." He said with a small smile.

"Tony, are you okay? You look like you're very ill. Did I wake you up?"

"No, I am, and yes." Tony replied, wincing a bit at the thought of what was about to happen. "I've got something to confess, Pep."

This was obviously hard on him, but Pepper was one of his favorite people and his boss. She had to know.

"Tony, you know you can tell me anything. Whatever it is, we'll work it out."

"I... I have cancer, Pepper. I had my sixth chemo therapy yesterday. Bucky's been taking care of me all night."

Pepper got tears in her eyes and her hand flew up to her mouth.

"Oh Tony..." She said softly. "i'm so sorry. I shouldn't have bothered you, you have so many other things on your mind right now. Does Rhodey even know?"

"I'm pretty sure Jarvis has informed him, since he called me multiple times to assure me he'd be visiting me asap."

Pepper gave him a small smile:"Sounds like he knows, all right."

Tony started shivering again and Bucky wrapped a blanket around him.

"God, Tony. I'll come and see you first thing after this reunion. I'll try to get the deal myself. I'll tell them you've talked to me, okay?"

"That would be great, love. I'll see you later, then."

"I'll see you soon, Tony."

Pepper stopped by two hours later, while Tony was asleep. Bucky made her some tea and they sat down in the living room.

"Thank you James." Pepper said, sipping her tea.

"I'm sure it's just pretty average tea..."

"Not that, for taking care of Tony. He doesn't let people in easily, it's good to know someone's with him."

"He's stubborn as heck, but i'm doing everything I can to help him."

The sound of someone throwing up made both Bucky and Pepper rush towards the bedroom.

"Hey there Tiger." Bucky swiftly sat down next to Tony and wiped the man's sweaty face with a cool cloth."Easy... That does it..."

"Thanks." Tony rasped.

"My pleasure." Bucky smiled tenderly.

Tony now spotted Pepper.

"Hey Pepper, dear."

"Tony. God, I didn't know you were this ill."

"Well yeah i'm good at hiding it." Tony shrugged." The day after is always the worst. That's why it's my day off."

"I'll leave you two to talk. You call me when you need anything." Bucky said, getting up and leaving the room.

"You know he's in love with you, right?"Pepper asked Tony as soon as Bucky was out of hearing range." The way he looks at you. He'd do anything for you."

Tony sighed and lowered his gaze.

"I think that's why he noticed. He was looking out for me already."

"Then why do you let him trail after you like a puppy? Go for it!"

Tony balled his fists, fighting his tears.

"Because I can't offer him anything, Pep. No dates, no romantic walks on the beach..."

"He just wants you, he knows it's not easy in your condition. "Pepper tried.

"Maybe... I'll sleep on it. "

"You do that." Pepper gave in."do the Avengers know about your condition?"

"No, they don't."

"They're your team mates, Tony. Maybe it's time to tell them."

She smiled at Tony and gave him the contract she had managed to get with India. Tony signed and settled back into the cushions.

"You need to rest. I'll visit soon, okay?" Pepper said, tucking Tony in.

"Yeah. Thanks Pep."

"Anytime, Tony."

Bucky spent most of that week caring for Tony. Steve was surprised that Tony allowed Bucky to suddenly be so close, but he was happy that his best friend got to spend time with the man he had been crushing on since Steve had gotten him back.

"So," he asked one night, when Bucky was cooking dinner in their appartement for a change."what do you and Tony do all day up there?"

"We talk, and watch tv, Tony sleeps a lot. I make sure he eats and drinks."Bucky said."and tomorrow we're heading out for a few hours."

"Like a date?"

"Not quite." Bucky grimaced, thinking about the IV Tony was bound to get.

Steve kept asking questions during dinner, but Bucky didnt answer them all. It was up to Tony to come clean with everything when he was ready for it. He got a text from Rhodey that Tony was asleep and smiled. Tony had had a good day today. Bucky hoped this chemotherapy wouldn't be as hard on Tony as the previous one had been

CHAPTER TWO:

[georgeluz]

hey:) for the ask thing, im about 5'5, i have long wavy light brown hair and big brown eyes w olive skin. my myers briggs is campaigner&my star sign is a cancer! i'm kinda built (?) bc i do competitive sport, i play lotta instruments, and im v social. i have adhd yikes and anxiety YIKES but it's chill lol, sometimes that does get in the way though. for the fandom, BoB would be great:) also ya u are a legend i didn't mean another word for champ i deadass just meant legend. thanks ❣

NO MORE PLS.

Wow. But… if I were… a legend… I would’ve gotten this done FOREVER AGAOAUHDFgrihEJADF. I’m so SORRY. Babe. But to make it up to you, this blurb is fucking LONG. @v-esperteen 

The Character I See You As: Buck Compton. HIGHLY SOCIAL? SPORTS? ANXIOUS? You got yourself a recipe for BUCK COMPTON. Aka the wonderful, sweet lil sunshine that loves literally everyone and makes everyone feel so comfortable and relaxed (and sometimes not relaxed depending on how boisterous he gets). I love him because even though he has all of these amazing qualities, he is independent to a fault (daring to argue with Winters I scream he’s–), highly emotional (losing his friends literally KILLED HIM) and anxious (though he hides it well behind his EVERYTHING IS FINE face or his dead inside face).

Your Three Best Friends: Don Malarkey, Alex Penkala, Skip Muck (aka the squad)

The One You Don’t Get Along With: Henry Jones. Sweet, sweet Henry. It’s no one’s fault, but he’s so composed and so put together that you honestly don’t know what to do with him. Try and joke with him? He just stares at you (maybe smiles pitifully). Try and initiate conversation? Part of you burns because he takes himself so damn seriously and you decide never to try that again lmao. You like him… you just don’t know what to do with him and him with you, so you just stay out of each other’s hair.

Who I Ship You With: Shifty Powers. The ENFP plus the shy, cute, unassuming, but also incredibly brave and intelligent Shifty Powers? HELLO HOW FREAKING ADORA- I digress. Shifty is wonderful because he’s mellow and gentle, gets embarrassed easily if you try and shower him with affection, but somehow keeps cool in the middle of combat, never gets injured, etc. His name is Shifty for a reason, one minute he’s there and the next you’re like ?? hello ?? Shifty? ANYWAY. I love him a lot. He’s like the least anxious person. Whenever you have your anxious moments he’s there to cuddle you and tell you in his sweet lil accent that everything is gonna be just fine (dont mind me im crying).

Wildcard: Captain. 2nd Battalion Staff S-3. 101st Airborne.

Lil Blurb??: Your charisma got you here. Your athleticism, sharp wit, ability to make solid decisions under pressure, and aptitude for route planning got you here. You were a valuable assistant to Colonel Strayer. Your gender also got you here: pouring coffee for him at 6:30 in the morning, tapping your foot with a bright smile on your face. You pretended it was fine that you were reduced to such menial tasks. You knew it was too good to be true that you would be used for much after being moved from the WAAC to the 101st. You had trained hard with a handful of women to handle the difficulties of battle–you would never see combat, but you would get as close as any woman ever had.

But that still meant making coffee for all of the men, pouring it, and often being left out of discussions. You kept reminding yourself that it was insane that you were here, in England, part of the planning for D-Day. You wouldn’t get to drop though, not like the boys. Knowing that crushed you, not because you particularly wanted to see combat and death, but because you had grown so close to the everyone. To be left behind was cruel. You were a favorite on Easy Company’s sports teams. It was Buck Compton that had used his charms to sway you into joining their soccer game. You were just as uneasy as the men, but once the game started, it was like you’d been playing with them forever.

Malarkey, Penkala, Muck, you, Compton, and Luz versus Guarnere, Toye, Heffron, Talbert, and Skinny Sisk. It was the most fun you’d ever had, throwing elbows and repeatedly trying to trip Tab (who kept throwing hands and swearing he was just going easy on you). You even managed to get a laugh out of Toye, something you hadn’t accomplished before. You patted yourself on the back for that one. But damn, it would hurt to be cut from the friends you’d made. You had brothers. These boys were like your brothers now, far from home, keeping you company in the daylight.

But, despite those boys being the group you had become so close with so quickly, it was the charming Southerner that caught your attention right off the bat. Powers was all broad shoulders passed down from generation to generation; he was meant to hold a gun, you could tell by the way he cradled his rifle against his arm. It was like an extension of himself, but that wasn’t the only thing you admired about the unassuming Shifty. He was a hell of a shot, probably the best in the company, but he was about as quiet, humble, and bashful as they came. And you thrived on making him blush.

First it was through subtle compliments when you caught him alone, without Tab or Skinny by his side. You would sit while Shifty cleaned his rifle, admiring his perfect form when shooting or suggesting he was the best you’d ever seen. You didn’t push him, you read him well enough to know he was easily made uncomfortable. You asked him about home, about his favorite gun, about the squirrels he used to shoot up in Virginia. Shifty would smile fondly at you, then his shoes, and lean back against the wall or the back of his chair, tipping his head back and squinting his eyes. He always took his time talking–he was deliberate. You loved that about him. When you sat with him it was like time stopped for just a sweet moment, like the anxieties and the frustration that fluttered in the back of your mind stopped.

One night, after sharing a drink or two, you both wandered into the nearby cow pasture and he told you about the farm he grew up on. “I did always like cows the most,” he murmured, running his hands along the dew-ridden grass, the other hand rubbing his jaw. “Big eyes, big ears.” He trailed off, screwing up his nose, trying to think of other reasons why he liked them so much. “Well I suppose they never did want nothing bad for nobody,” he finished with a short nod, drawing both hands behind him to lean on. “Chickens were too cranky, and the horses were too smart for me. I almost got kicked once. My daddy almost lost it, started hollerin’ about how I needed to stop sneakin’ up on ‘em. I was too quiet.”

You, yourself, had never been so quiet in your life. You were laying on your side, fingers threaded through the grass beside Shifty’s hand. You wanted nothing more than to keep listening, to drink his words in, to know him from the inside out, but he stopped and furrowed his brow. “You know, I never tried cow tippin’ before.” You looked up through your eyelashes, face flushed from the alcohol that still burned in the back of your throat. 

“What do we do, huh, Powers? Do we just run at them?” You had never done it before either. It sounded just like something a boy from Virginia would want to do.

“S’pose so, I never thought about it.”

“Wanna do it?”

“No, I don’t think that would be very kind,” he replied, sliding back down until his head hit the ground. He rolled onto his side and blinked up at you, a crooked smile gracing his features. “I’m too tired to run anyway.”

“Mmhm,” was your defeated reply, still propped up on your elbow, hovering over him. You felt a little tired too, buzzed, slipping down until your face was right beside his. You laughed. He laughed a little too, but he also looked like a deer caught in headlights. You weren’t one for personal space, at least not with people you enjoyed being around, and you hadn’t thought that it might be pushing it for him to be so close. 

“Never kissed anyone neither,” Shifty murmured after a moment. You tilted your head slightly, leaning back.

“Really?”

“I didn’t play football. I didn’t live in town. I don’t think I had a lot goin’ for me. Bad luck.”

You quirked a brow. Your heart was hammering against your chest. You weren’t supposed to being doing this with an enlisted man. You were his superior, and the reason most had objected to women in the military was for this damn reason exactly. “Why did you bring that up, Shifty?” You were just antagonizing him now.

He was silent for a moment, searching your gaze for any emotion other than drunken amusement. “Well, Y/N, I-I rightly think you’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. I was just thinkin’ that. I’m sorry–” He broke off, rubbing the back of his neck. “I was thinkin’ I wouldn’t mind kissin’ you.”

“Well, Shifty Powers, I don’t know what those girls back in Virginia were thinking,” you chuckled, reaching to grab the fabric of his shirt. “I must do my civic duty after all, send you off to war right,” you murmur before planting one on him, gentle, careful, trying not to spook him. This was real, you reminded yourself. And it would be gone soon, so you’d best enjoy it while it lasted. He draped his arm over your waist, pulling you in close, the other hand supporting your cheek. 

Shifty was a quick learner, you found, and you also discovered it would be very, very difficult to reverse what you’d done. After that night, discreet as you tried to be, he nearly gave it all away with his puppy eyes and his silent begging. And you were a sucker, running off with him to the fields and pastures whenever you could under the cover of darkness to romp, wrestle, play, and kiss a little before he and the rest of the men were dropped over Normandy.