#i'm sorry for the angst on your bday

[chaoticdelinqueerwithglitter]

Reborn Again (and again and again)

(Sanzu's bday fic with tones of angst)

(Bonten HaruMai)

It's been a while since I posted my fics here bc no spoons kept my away of tumblr ( I'm gonna try to post all of them and they are always on ao3!)

But.... Sanzu Haruchiyo birthday seems like the perfect occasion for this!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LIL PINK GREMLIN, I LOVE YOU DEARLY AND YOU DESERVE THE WORLD! (but I'm gonna give you angst and a lap full of Mikey, oopsie?)

(link to ao3 in case someone wants to read it there)

Summary: Sanzu remembers his last birthday, bittersweet memories that keep his delusions afloat.

And of course, he'll never lose his faith in his king.

(even when Mikey's eyes are completely devoid of all emotion)

Warnings: Manga Spoilers (Bonten timeline, so yeah), Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Implied Suicide, Mental Health Issues (issues is an understatement xD), Toxic Codependent Relationship, Heavily Depressed Mikey, Burn Out Sanzu, Unrequited Delusional Love, and idk, is Bonten they are so totally not fine and it shows, okay?

Yeah, this fic is an emotional roller coaster, it felt like it writing it and is not less of it as a reader (or I've been told that). Oh, Sanzu is sad and horny bc you can't tell me Bonten Mikey has energy to fuck (or live)

There is a part of the fic inspired on this art, bc Mikey sleeping on Haru's lap is for some reason precious to me 💜

Sanzu was bored, his feet kept tapping the ground, his mind drifting far away from here. He should be paying attention to his surroundings, guarding the building where his king was. 

Instead, he was lost in the memories of his last birthday, almost one year ago. Wondering if it would be different this time, if Mikey remembered his promise. He shook his head, immediately feeling guilty for daring to doubt it. Of course he did, Sanzu was only feeling insecure, nothing new. 

(He had to repeat it as many times as necessary, to convince himself that Mikey’s eyes had not been completely devoid of all emotion for more than a month)

To be fair, the fact that Hangaki didn’t represent any type of threat to his king, wasn’t helping him focus on the present or to keep his thoughts from wandering back to the previous year.

Sanzu was having a shitty day. That wasn’t exactly unusual lately, he had become more and more tired during the last years few months. Exhausted would be the right word, but he couldn’t afford to rest, to even entertain the possibility that he should delegate some of his responsibilities to others if he didn’t want to end up completely burned out. But of course, he couldn't trust anyone else to perform his duties, so Sanzu was forced to continue stretching himself thin.

(If he was more honest with himself, he could admit that he had been falling apart for way too long. But he wasn’t, he couldn’t)

Whatever. He was used to it. He’s handled this weariness before — today wasn’t unique. He was a grown ass man, who definitely wouldn’t throw a tantrum just because everyone forgot it was his birthday. And twenty-seven wasn’t a memorable number either, so who cared? 

This was just Sanzu being salty, tonight's job took up more time than he anticipated, so he had to see Takeomi’s ugly face for way too long. Yeah, it was totally unrelated to the pang of jealousy he felt when he overheard the older man explaining to Kakucho how this week was special, since the anniversary of Senju’s death was close. He wasn’t that pathetic, to hold a grudge because, even now, his sister kept hogging all the attention.

(What sister? Sanzu was an only child, his own mind was playing tricks to him again)

He sighed, using his own set of keys to open the door of Mikey’s penthouse and trying to be as silent as possible. He was fully aware his king wouldn’t be sleeping — it was getting harder each day to convince him to even try it.

It was better to be quiet anyway, at least, until he had a clue of which mood he was going to find. Would it be one of those days of empty glares and cold words, where he was only ‘Sanzu’? Or…

“Haruchiyo?”

A weak whisper, but more than enough for him to quickly locate the source. Mikey was sitting on the sofa, completely in the dark except for the dim light that came through the window, proving the outside world was still there, uncaring and merciless. 

“Hey… I’m back.”

His heart sank when he got closer, finally noticing Mikey’s puffy eyes and his tear-streaked cheeks. He wanted nothing more than to comfort him, caress his beautiful face and erase any trace of pain in it. But he knew better. Years of walking on broken glass around his lover taught him better.

(Was ‘lover’ the right word? When he had to repress his own feelings, pretending there was no love in order to stay by Mikey’s side? Probably not)

“What’s wrong?” 

He asked cautiously, sitting on the nearest armchair. Mikey blinked a couple of times, looking at him in awe, almost like he was processing that Sanzu was really here.

“I thought you wouldn’t come tonight.” 

There was no point in reminding him that he could just text or call —that no matter what he was doing, Sanzu would leave it in a heartbeat to run to his king's side. Mikey was fully aware of it, but he refused to show this type of weakness.

“I’ll always come back to you, Mikey.”

He gave him a soft smile, hoping it was somehow reassuring. It seemed to work, considering the next moment he had a lap full of Mikey, wrapping his arms around Haruchiyo’s neck and hiding his face in it. He didn’t have to think twice before hugging him back and gently pulling the thin body closer.

“I’m sorry, the deal took longer than I thought.” 

A noncommittal hum was the only answer he received,  another sign that Mikey cared less every day about his own organization. It was fine, Sanzu could keep the gears turning and perfectly greased, waiting until his king was ready to step back in the game and take what was rightfully his. 

“But I’m here now, I’m right here…” 

His voice dripped with affection, his touch conveying the same feeling as he started to play with the white locks. The soft caresses spoke louder than the words he’ll never say. It was fine — he was good at hiding parts of himself, burying it with all his secrets.

(So many secrets, weighing him more every day, slowly drowning him until he couldn’t recognize his own reflection)

“You are.” Mikey finally lifted his head, looking at him like he was trying to figure out something. “Even if this morning…”

“No idea what you’re talking about.” 

It was a lie, they both knew it. Of course he remembered how detached his king had been, how disgusted he looked by his weak attempt at cuddling. The cold voice, clearly commanding him to disappear from his sight. ‘Don’t you have work to do, Sanzu?’

It was a lie, one of the many he carefully crafted for Mikey’s sake. There was no need to dwell on it when Sanzu wanted to comfort him, not burden him with guilt. Especially when the cause was his own inability to hide his stupid hopes and desires. 

“Apparently about nothing.”

“Yep, nothing at all.” He repeated, softly brushing a strand of hair out of Mikey’s eyes and kissing his forehead, earning a simper in return.

Wait, what? A smile? A coy one, small and probably easy to miss for anyone else. But not for him, Sanzu was able to spot the most subtle change in his king’s expression, and this wasn’t subtle. A genuine smile on Mikey’s face? And thanks to him? 

Sanzu’s inner turmoil disappeared. The fatigue that he constantly carried with him was gone too. Just like that, a simple gesture from his king, made everything better, all the problems more than worth it as long as it meant protecting these rare moments of happiness.

(A necessary reminder of why he kept fighting, always so restless, refusing to let go, reinventing himself over and over)

He leaned in to cross the small distance between their lips, kissing him slowly, wanting to savor the moment. There was no rush for once, and even if he longed for more, even if his body reacted to the closeness and the familiar taste, he knew too damn well Mikey’s libido had been practically nonexistent lately. 

No matter how much he yearned to go further, he’d take whatever his king offered to him without presumptions. For now, Sanzu was content with the way Mikey’s lips parted, allowing his tongue to explore freely. He couldn’t stop himself from moaning inside the kiss, realizing he sounded too desperate. 

Damn it, when was the last time they actually had sex? He couldn’t recall when it was, but he could clearly see the memories – the way Mikey whimpered in his ear, his body pressed against the shower wall… 

Fuck, he had to calm down before his own neediness tarnished this moment doing something stupid — Like pressing Mikey’s warm body down onto his growing erection, bucking his hips slightly, rubbing himself just enough to feel the friction against that tight ass he adored so much… Stop it, brain!

“Sorry…”

Sanzu pulled away from the kiss with a flustered face, looking at Mikey with glossy eyes and pressing their foreheads together, still catching his breath. 

“Why are you apologizing, Haruchiyo?” There was a sad undertone in his voice that didn't go unnoticed. “It’s me, I can’t even give you that, you should…” 

“Don’t go there.” He gently placed a finger in front of the other’s lips. “I don’t need it, okay? I can live perfectly fine without fucking.”

“But you want it.” Mikey deadpanned. 

“Of course I do, because you’re gorgeous and I can’t help feeling attracted to you.” He gave him a soft peck. “And that’s on me, you don’t owe me anything, alright? Having you in my arms like this is already the best birthday gift I could ever wish for.”

“What?!” 

“Nothing.” It was too late — he knew as soon as he saw Mikey’s eyes widening in a mix of surprise and clarity.

“Fuck, it’s July… That’s not nothing!” He groaned in frustration. “Did you get to celebrate it at least?” 

Judging by the way Mikey looked at him, the answer to this was probably written in his face. That was the exact reason why he didn’t tell him, to absolve him of the guilt, to prevent him from falling deeper into self-loathing. 

“It’s okay, we can still celebrate it together if you want-”

“It's not even your birthday anymore.” 

His rage was icy cold, Sanzu was sure the temperature of the whole room dropped a few degrees. Suddenly he was freezing, despite the anger not being directed at him for once. 

“Then we don’t? It’s not a big deal, really, there will be other occasions. It happens every year, right?” His gaze stared at him with disbelief. “What? I’m serious, I don’t need some fancy ass shit, this is already perfect.”

“Haruchiyo…” Whatever his king wanted to say, the way Sanzu hugged him tighter seemed to change his mind. Instead, he sighed, burying his face on the crook of his neck. “Fine. Next year?”

“Next year it is.” 

He started to stroke his hair once again, wanting to leave this conversation behind. It was true, his day got infinitely better the moment Mikey sat on his lap and hugged him. Sanzu couldn’t ask for more, because there was nothing but him.

“I won’t forget it, I promise.” 

Sanzu gasped at the honesty in those words, a lump in his throat that threatened to make him cry, touched by his king making a promise to him. It wasn’t going to happen, he couldn’t put his own burden on Mikey, it was his to bear alone. 

(Alone and isolated inside of his own mind)

“I know you won’t Mikey, I believe in you.” 

He whispered with raw devotion. He will never lose his faith in Mikey, because as long as his king kept breathing… Everything was possible. 

Sanzu smiled softly, melting slightly with the memory of how Mikey ended falling asleep on his lap, of how he made sure to stay still, to not interrupt the other’s dreams. If he closed his eyes, he could see how perfect Mikey looked when he woke up hours later, well rested for once. The way his face lit up when he saw that Sanzu was still there, hugging him for hours and making sure he was comfortable. He could even feel the lingering sensation of his lips on his own… Damn it, how could he miss Mikey so much when they were almost living together?

(It was due to Mikey fading in front of him, disappearing somewhere out of his reach. No, he couldn’t admit that)

He sighed, frustrated with himself. He was doing it again, yearning instead of being grateful for what he was given. 

A sudden change in the white noise from nearby pedestrians forced him to snap out of his inner turmoil. He lifted up his head, scanning the surroundings to find the source of the commotion. 

Sanzu’s eyes widened with panic, the world went silent. Except for the echo of his own delusions shattering into thousand pieces, ringing in his ears for a split second that lasted for ages.

“Mikey?!!”

[obsesssedblerd]

(Sliiiiiiides a piece of gum and a instant ramen towards you) Rey. Pssst. Rey let’s make a deal

part four in the forgetting the bday smau for these two lovelies 🤭🤭

thanks for the ramen, bestie 💕

JJK Smau: "I'm not giving up." 🤍

- the jjk guys battling your indifference and making plans to earn your heart back after they messed up

part four of this smau

nanami, choso, toji, shiu, sukuna, gojo, and geto

contains: a bit of angst, relationship indifference, some groveling, comfort/fluff

a/n: yay, pt 4! sorry this took a minute. also, if enough people want it, i'll do a fully written epilogue ❤️

[verstappensrealwife]

His Lucky Charm - Max Verstappen x reader

[max verstappen masterlist / f1 masterlist]

ʚɞ in which... charles doesn't love her back... luckily max has always loved her. ʚɞ fluff, smut, angst ⋆⭒˚.⋆ 2900 words ʚɞ warnings: partial Charles x Reader but never together, smut (max x reader), swearing, reader is on “birth control”

-୨♡୧-

2015

(age: 15)

You formed your little crush on Charles when you were 15, your parents and his own hosting a dinner to celebrate something or other. You didn't know. But what you did know was that Charles was 18, and beautiful. He had accidentally bumped into you when you were walking into the kitchen. "Oh sorry Y/N." He said, without thought, and then shuffling past you, while you stood still, bright red.

                    Eventually you came to your senses and carried on through the kitchen, getting the drink you needed so desperately now.

You sipped on the icy-cold water through a straw as Charles came back into the kitchen. He smiled at you, saying nothing more. You smiled back dopily, watching him closely.

"What do you think?" He said, snapping you out of your thoughts.

"Huh- what?"

"The shirt," He gestured to the Van Amersfoort Racing shirt, smiling proudly at his accomplishment.

"Really good," You smiled, getting a little closer, your attempt at flirting. He backed up slightly, walking into the door of the fridge.

"Oh- erm-," He stuttered, not wanting to upset you by rejecting you, but finding the outcome of you touching him worse. "You- Sorry..." He said quietly, "You're just too young."

You nodded, taking a few steps back, further than where you had started. You threw the rest of the water into the sink and placed the glass beside it before mumbling a quick apology and going to sit with yours, and his, family.

-

2017

(age: 17)

Charles was now in F2, your crush had only developed more. But you hadn't done anything about it. Waiting till you believed you weren't too young. And now you thought you were. You'd grown in a few particular places, finished secondary school and now getting your general Baccalaureate in Psychology.

              You were drunk, proclaiming sobriety, at a party with best friend, Arthur. He had found struggle in trying to reason with you and get you to drink water, so never mind even attempting to charter you home. His only resort was to call Charles. He wouldn't tell your parents- who in their right mind would- and he knew you'd listen to Charles.

When Charles walked in you cheered loudly, throwing yourself at his arms, he held most of your body weight up. "You smell nice," You slurred with your face on his chest. He thanked you quietly.

                    "Ready to go home, Y/N/N?" He asked you, watching as your eyes scanned his face quickly. Arthur was no where to be seen now. In fact no one was. It was just you and Charles, alone in the bathroom he had found you in doing god knows what drugs off the sink. "What have you been doing?" He asked innocently.

"nothing..." You reply sheepishly. You smiled dopily. The same smile you did two years ago. He sensed what would happen next and managed to sit you down on-top of the toilet-seat.

"You're still too young for me..." He said, not meaning to embarrass you. But you still went bright red. Tears welled in your eyes. "I'm sorry... let's go huh?"

You nodded. Following him slowly through the party.

-

2018

(age: 18th bday)

You were celebrating your 18th birthday. Finally. You waited all night for Charles however. You still enjoyed the party, and the fun that came with it. And your 'first ever drink' as your parents thought.

    But you wanted him there. Now you were 18, maybe you were old enough for him. Maybe he'd like you back. Maybe he'd...

He'd walked in with another girl. She was beautiful. Black hair, green eyes, tall, a gorgeous dress over her body that was equally perfect.

You wanted to crumble and die.

"Happy birthday!" He smiled, handing you a gift bag. You smiled, ignoring the ache in your heart as she smiled at you. You couldn't blame her. You weren't mad. You were just heart broken.

You pried open the bag and saw a Ferrari shirt. You frowned, confused. Pulling it out and then dropping the bag, you unfolded it and saw his name, and his number on it. "Charles Leclerc 16".

"Oh- my god!" You yelled, "You did it Charles!" You screamed happily. Even if you were completely in love with him, he was still first and foremost, your friend. And you knew how much he has wanted this. You flung yourself at him, hugging him tightly. "I'm so proud- what the fuck!" You pulled back, examining the shirt once more. You didn't spend this birthday dwelling on his girlfriend, but instead on the fact that he was now a signed Ferrari driver. Well, not until next season, but either way you were ecstatic for him.

-

2019

(age: 19)

You had moved countries to study for a while, you never did catch up with F1, despite your childhood friend being one of the top point scorers of the season so far.

             It was the end of August and the Belgian race was coming up soon. You were unaware of that until Arthur during your weekly phone call had brought it up, and how he wishes you could come.

"I can..." You said.

"You can?!" he shouted.

"Yeah," You laughed, "Do you not remember? I finish my year out in like... a week."

"Come- PLEASE- oh my god please come Y/N, Charles will love to see you! And so will Maman!"

You nodded to the phone, "Okay... only if you pay Arthur," You joke, fully intending to pay for yourself. However when you got the confirmation emails for your tickets and flights you laughed loudly, all while on the call.

-

A few weeks later and you were scanning into the Spa circuit. Walking towards the Ferrari garage and seeing Arthur first. You ran and jumped on his back, scarring the life out of him, curse words flying out his mouth in his mother tongue. You dropped off his back and he spun around, quickly hugging you.

"You're here!" He cried, Charles walking over to see what all the shouting was about. He could only see Arthur's back.

"What are you yelling abou- Oh!" He paused, seeing you. "Y/N!" He smiled, opening his arms for you to run into. You smiled when he kissed your forehead.

It was the day before the race, and all drivers were out, doing track walks, or going to see the other drivers.

"What are you doing here i thought you were studying in... wherever."

"I finished early!" You smiled proudly, he looked at you with a look of adoration of how smart you truly were. You noticed his stare, and the way his jaw tensed.

From previous life experience- you knew that usually led to kissing. However when you looked down at his lips, he was quick to step back. "R-Right... too young." You whispered. Only he heard and he nodded.

-

You cheered loudly as Charles finished first!

When he came back to the garage, he hugged everyone m, leaving you last. He came over to you and smiled. "My good luck charm," He joked, since he hadn't won a single race til you got here.

-

A week later you were in Italy, on the Monza track, cheering Charles as he took the same position again. He now thoroughly believed you were his good luck charm. Even proclaiming so in his after-race interview.

"Question for Charles— What do you think has changed in your racing to make you win your last 2 races now?"

"My brothers friend- and my friend too of course- now that she's here I seem to only ever be winning. Not that I can complain, she is amazing..." He said, trailing off with a look in his eyes no one could place.

—

For some reason that made you all emotions of sad, happy, and angry.

You left that race early.

Walking into the hotel, into the lift, you heard a shout. Quickly you shoved your arm infront of the closing doors. Seeing Charles jump in after you.

"Hi," He said quietly, only the two of you in the lift.  You smiled back, saying nothing. "Why- uh- Why did you leave early?" He asked, genuinely confused.

"I- seriously?" You sighed. He nodded, "Because, Charles! Because you're telling me i'm too young, then boasting about how much you love me in interviews while still keeping up that 'too young' view of me. okay?! I liked you, i have done for so long! And you throw it in my face every single time. I'm sick of it Charles!" You exploded. He stood there like a deer in headlights, mouth open slightly. Shocked at your outburst.

"I thought you'd move on eventually - I- I am so sorry."

"Save it, Leclerc." You mumbled before the elevator stopped. "Don't worry anymore, I'll move on this time." You said before stepping out.

Once the elevator's door closed you let the tears flow. Walking to your room silently, until you turned the corner into a firm chest. The man stepped back quickly, profusely apologetic to you.

"Verstappen?" You said.

"Erm.. Yea- oh! Y/N?!" He said, he recognised you from his Karting days when you'd go to support Charles. And recently from cameras all panning to you when Charles had called you his 'lucky charm'.

"Are you okay? you look like you're crying."

"I'm fine- I just- Charles... is a dick."  You sighed. He laughed, agreeing without using words. You remembered your own words, 'move on'.

"Well- erm- i hope you both figure it out. You're a great couple." He said.

"Oh- No! We're not. No." you corrected him, "He never wanted me... i'm 'too young' apparently. But that's fine. I've  needed to move on for a while, just never had the opportunities, or the strength to really leave my feelings for Charles." You said. "Sorry- I don't know why I told you all of that,"

"It's fine- and if it helps, I think you're way too beautiful to be with Leclerc anyways." He said.

Was he flirting?!

"You really think that?" You asked quietly, he nodded silently. You took a breath, "I- thank you... Verstappen."

"Max..." He said, correcting you.

"Sorry- Max." You said, the more you looked at him the more you found him attractive. He was beautiful in-fact. Blonde hair, bright blue eyes, not to mention the firmness of his chest when you had barged into him.

He was watching you too, your soft lips and perfect body. A red- off the shoulder- summer dress flowing to your mid thighs.

"I- sorry if this is forward, do you wanna get a drink?" He asked, biting his lip and looking at you hopefully.

You nodded, "I'd love to," You giggled.

-

You both stumbled back to the hotel, it was almost 4am. You were drunk. He was drunk. You were both needy...

You went to your room, it was closer than his. He slammed your back into the door when as soon as he walked through the door. His lips were on your collar bone, neck, and finally lips.

"Fuck, Y/N, you- all of you- you're perfect." He whispered, his hands gripping your hips leaving finger-shaped bruises.

"I need you- Max- please fuck me."

He groaned heavily as his lips trailed from your neck to collar bones, sucking gently on the skin leaving love-marks along your skin. He quickly pulled the dress zip down, pulling the dress off of you and undoing the bra strap, letting it fall down with the flowing skirt of the dress. You reciprocated his actions by unbuttoning his shirt and trousers. You palmed his dick while it was still held in his boxers.

               He hoisted you up to wrap your legs around him, there, he carried you towards your bed, laying you gently on your back. He got on his knees infront of you, "Can I..." He asked, about to pull your underwear off. You nodded quickly. "Words?"

"Yes- Yes Max!" You cried. 

You groaned as his tongue first touched your clit. His tongue circling around before plunging his fingers inside your cunt. You moaned out louder. "Please- Mmmh~ Max!"

He pulled away before you could cum, climbing on top of you and ridding his boxers. "Condom...?" He asked. You shook your head.

"Birth control," You smile. He groaned at that, before gently pushing inside you. He was slow; at first. But he sped up quickly.

"That's a good girl," He whispered in your ear quietly, "So beautiful." He smacked his hips into yours, moaning softly with each thrust.

He pulled out and turned you over, lay on your stomach he continued his action, this time smacking and grabbing your ass. Leaving harsh red marks on the skin. His thrusts not sloppy, but perfectly in rhythm, each slap of skin like a song.

"M-Max," You moaned, "Wanna.." you said, unable to get a coherent sentence out.

"Do it then, schatje" He said, the pulsation of your orgasm tipping him over the edge, spilling himself inside of your warm pussy. He groaned and thrusted once more before halting and slowly pulling out.

"I- I'll go get you a towel," He said, before walking to your bathroom and taking the first towel he saw. He brought it back, "Are you okay?" He asked as he cleaned you gently.

You nodded silently and cuddled into the sheets once he was done. He helped you put on his shirt to sleep in buttoning the final button before he was about to pull his boxers on.

"Don't leave..." You muffled into the pillow. He looked at you softly. He smiled and got into the bed with you

"I couldn't... you're wearing my shirt anyway." He said quietly, you ignored him. Instead, wrapping your arms around his torso and gently resting your head on his chest. He held his hand on your waist. "Goodnight." He said quietly, you mumbled back in return and before you knew it you were both fast asleep.

-

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

"I know you're in there just answer the door!" Max heard a voice shout from outside the room. You had clearly heard too, thus resulting in you forcing your head further into Max's pec muscle. You pulled the sheets up above your head.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

Max sighed, making you do the same. You wriggled out of the comfort of his arms and shuffled over to the door. Opening it to see Charles stood there. "Erm?" You mumbled confused.

"Listen- I'm sorry ab— what are you wearing...?" He mumbled, knowing you usually slept in actual pyjamas.

Cough, Cough! came from inside the room. Charles looked at you, then behind you. He couldn't fully see the bed from the door and tried to step in further.

"What are you doing?" You stressed, watching as he barged through the room.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" You heard him exclaim. You followed him in before remembering what- or rather whom- was in your bed.

Max smiled at the Monegasque, not fully understanding his issue. He understood to an extent, they did hate each other as kids and were rivals for a while. But it seemed he was more mad about the fact you slept with someone else. Not that it was Max, half naked, in your bed.

"What is he doing in your bed?" Charles asked you.

"Sleeping..." Max said, confused.

"Do not talk to me." Charles snapped at him. Max held his hands up in surrender and stayed silent. Charles looked at you. Wearing nothing but Max'a shirt from after the race yesterday.

"What does it matter, Charles?" You asked with a disappointed sigh. "You said you wanted nothing to do with me romantically. Sue me for moving on."

Charles stayed silent. You were right. And he was too late to even try and change your mind. He looked between the two of you. He wanted to argue but... what could he really argue here?

"Yeah- You're right... sorry." He mumbled. "I'll see you later, maybe?"

You nodded silently and he left, closing the door behind you.

Max was staring at you. You looked from the door back to him. "Hi," He said. You smiled and climbed back into the bed. He wrapped his arms around you again. "Are you okay?" He asked.

"I'm good," You smiled up at him.

"I know it's a little late now, but do you wanna go out on a proper date with me maybe?" He asked, shyly, with crimson cheeks and messy hair.

You smiled and nodded, "I'd love to, Max."

-

2019 (but later in the year)

(Age: 19)

Max cheered as he flew past the finish line. Pulling into first place he jumped out the car and pulled his helmet off, immediately running to find you. You were standing between Ferrari and Red-bull. He found you and immediately let go of the helmet and dragged you into a hug.

"My lucky charm now, all mine," He told you in your ear making you laugh. He pulled his head back and kissed you hard on the mouth. A teeth clashing, lip bruising, sort of kiss.

"You smell bad," You laughed softly, "but you are so welcome for helping you win."

He smiled, ignoring your first comment.

In post interviews he made clear that you were his lucky charm. And that no matter what you would always be just that.

-

2023:

November 26th

(age: 23)

Max had won the championship for his 3rd time in a row. He- as if ritual- immediately after winning in Abu Dhabi, rushed over to crush you in a hug. "I am so proud of you, baby." You said.

He looked at your face and kissed you. "My lucky charm since 2019." He smiled.

———

el fin.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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[niningtori]

make you cry | part three: hyuka's ending

part one | part two: beomgyu's ending

pairing: hueningkai x you, past beomgyu x you

summary: after your falling out with beomgyu, kai becomes your new best friend as you spiral out of control. his actions may not be completely platonic, though.

genre: angst, romance, smut (mdni), best friends to lovers

warnings: smut (mdni), unprotected sex, creampie, dom!hyuka, oral (f. rec), dirty talk, praise, choking (sorry), possessive!kai, just some really sweet sex if u ask me, pregnancy kink

word count: 3.9k

notes: y'all... ik i said this would come out on my bday (which is exactly 2 weeks from now hehe) but i couldn't help but post it as soon as i finished it... lord knows i'm impatient. anyway, i said this would probably never exist but since ppl were asking for it, as the biggest pushover in the world, i couldn't say no ;_; i hope you enjoy it!

"you're not gonna die," kai says softly. "it's a shitty circumstance, but you're just making it harder on yourself."

you hum noncommittally while downing another searing shot of vodka. kai watches in horror as you don't even think to chase it, too much of a hassle, you said.

"look, i know how you're feeling, trust me. i just think that torturing yourself is the worst thing you can do right now. whatever happened to self care in the face of heartbreak?" he pleads, and it's like he's talking to a wall. you had been staring listlessly at the same spot for what had to have been at least an hour — no tears, no nothing. just a blank stare and an insatiable need for the next sip.

"yeah, i know. i just wish things were different." you were miserable being just friends with beomgyu before, but that pales in comparison to how used you feel now that you’ve slept with him. 

"i know, baby. i know." at this point, he kind of just wishes you would cry. the awful look on your face seems significantly worse than if you'd just burst into tears.

beomgyu is your best friend, sure, but as you slowly descended into a pit of unrequited love for him, kai had understood like no one else after a particularly nasty breakup with his serial cheating ex. you two found some sort of secret camaraderie in the feeling of loneliness, something beomgyu would never understand, given how easily everything tended to work out for him. except for right now, you guess.

"alright, i think i'm done here," you slur and shakily stand as the vodka seems to be doing its job. kai scowls in frustration, wishing he could do more for you, but knowing he can't.

-

kai refuses to let you go home alone, so he hitches a taxi for you two. in the backseat of the car, you lean your head on the window and close your eyes, but all you see is the repeating image of beomgyu with a self-satisfied smirk on his face as he shows you the girl who he will probably end up fucking. you feel mentally sick knowing those eyes will never light up that way for you. you feel physically sick knowing that you gave him everything now and it still wasn’t enough. 

then, as if hearing your thoughts, kai carefully slides his hand around your cheek, which is currently somewhat numb from the coldness of the window and bumpiness of the ride, and softly places your head on his shoulder.

when you finally get to your apartment, you invite him in. he can tell you just don't want to be alone, but he doesn't say anything, just wraps an arm around you as you lead him into your bedroom. after plopping down in your bed, he turns to leave before you grab the end of his shirt.

"can you stay with me?" you plead. and he nods without a word. lying down next to you before pulling you in his warm embrace.

"you know, i think you're gonna be just fine," he whispers into the top of your head. and just like that, the dam breaks, and you finally, finally burst into tears. wail, really. 

you kick your legs like a child, chanting "no, no, no," and lamenting on and on about how things are wrong, wrong, wrong. this isn't how things were supposed to go. he was supposed to fall in love with you and open his eyes and see who’s been with him all along. he’d apologize and kiss you gently to make up for lost time. you hate how you hoped against hope that he would return your feelings and finally, finally start respecting you. but none of that happened the way it should. the way you so fervently hoped it would.

kai just pats your head and rubs your hair, all while cooing "shhh, i know. i know.”

you lay there with him, legs all tangled together and heart aching until you fall into a fitful sleep. 

-

you miss beomgyu, that goes without saying, but it's getting easier these days. this is due in no small part to kai’s persistence. he comes to see you nearly every day and calls you when he can’t. you spend countless nights with him on speakerphone. most nights, he talks about his day, where he went, the people he saw. on the really, really bad nights, he’s just trying to console you. like right now. 

“shh, it’s okay. i know,” he whispers into the phone.

“i-i’m sorry, hyuka. i’m just so sad,” you sob.

“no, don’t be sorry. why are you sorry?” he coos.

“because i’m dumping this all over you. it’s not your job to baby me,” you cry, feeling guilty beyond words, which only makes you cry harder.

“you’ve done the same for me. you know that. i couldn’t have gotten through my breakup if it weren’t for you, so you don’t need to be sorry. i’m here. i’ll always be here.” if you were less confused and hurt, you’d hear the extent of his tenderness. you might even realize how he’s bending over backwards in a way that’s reminiscent of the way you did for beomgyu. the way somebody who really loves you only ever does. but as it is, you don’t register any of it.

-

beomgyu shows up at your doorstep, sometimes. he doesn’t ever really say anything other than your name in a desperate voice between pleas to let him in, but you never do. you have no idea how strong your resolve will or won’t be if you see his face again, so you do your best to avoid him altogether. on a particularly bad night, though, you feel your self control waning. listening to what he has to say just once couldn’t hurt, right? you can’t stand the uncertainty and this seemingly endless purgatory you find yourself in now. you decide, no matter what the outcome is, you’ll put a stop to it tonight.

with newfound courage, you lightly crack your front door to come face to face with the boy who's been haunting you for months now. his red-rimmed eyes widen in shock as he finally sees you in person instead of from his friend’s instagram account. 

“what do you want?” you attempt to ask coolly, but you sound unsteady even to your own ears. beomgyu doesn’t seem to notice, though, and if does, he doesn’t say anything about it. 

“i just wanna talk to you,” he pleads, and you nod before widening the door and letting him in. you gesture for him to take a seat next to you on your couch and he cautiously sits while never breaking eye contact with you, as if he’s afraid that you’ll disappear if he takes his eyes off of you.

“so?” you ask plainly. he clears his throat as if he's been in a daze until now and nervously begins.

“i-i’m sorry for what i did to you. so, so sorry,” beomgyu says weakly. “and i miss you so much i can’t stand it.”

“then why did you do it?” you ask, not without a hint of malice.

“i.. i don’t know. i think i was just so scared to be hurt that i hurt you instead. but being away from you has shown me just how much i need you.” need. what a strange word coming from beomgyu’s mouth. as for needing you in particular? even stranger. 

“you know, i really didn’t mean to hurt you,” he continues, but even he knows how flimsy his words seem right now.

“i know,” you reply quietly.

“i ruined everything,” he says with a sense of finality, no room for argument. “i know i did. but i-is it always going to be like this? i don’t think i can live without you in my life, one way or another.”

“i don’t know, beomgyu.” he flinches at the use of his full name. “it’s going to take some time before we can be friends again.” if ever. you don’t say those last words, but he can swear he hears them.

“that’s okay,” he says with a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “as long as you know that i’m sorry, and that you didn’t and don’t deserve how i treated you.”

“i know,”  you repeat. you can’t believe you’re not bawling and pulling him into your arms right now, for better or for worse, but surprisingly, you don’t feel any of the emotions you could’ve bet your life you would feel. you pity him more than anything, and your heart does ache, but more so for the friendship you lost instead of the love that never was. beomgyu wasn’t your best friend for nothing, so as if he can sense how detached you are from him, he says his next words.

“are you seeing him?” he asks with a tinge of melancholy.

“who?” you ask, taken aback at his sudden question.

“c’mon, be serious. kai.”

“k-kai? what do you mean?” he smiles bitterly at your words. 

“i’ve seen the way he looks at you. if you don’t see it yourself, you’re either delusional or blind. after i last saw you, he really told me all about myself.”

“he talked to you after that?” you ask in shock.

“oh yeah. he said he’d beat the brakes off of me if i ever tried to hurt you again, and the only reason why he hadn’t done it already was because you would be sad.” you pause at his earth-shattering words. your sweet hyuka really said that? you can’t imagine someone as soft and caring as him uttering such unforgiving words, but when you think about how much pain he knew you were in, it makes sense. kai had seen the worst parts of you after beomgyu had broken your heart. only he knew just how much you were hurting, and only he would care as much as he did. you don’t know why, but you can’t help but smile softly at the thought of him being so riled up that he acted completely out of character for you. just for you.

“and if i know you, and i do, i’d say that you probably feel the same way he does.” you gasp at his observation. how could he possibly think that?

“y-you’re wrong! we’re just good friends.” best friends, even. you haven’t really thought about kai in that context. everything you’ve ever done seemed purely platonic on your end. but now that you’re really thinking about it, is it actually? the late night phone calls, spending the night in his arms, waking up to kisses on your forehead and promises to see you later. that’s not what “just friends” do, is it? 

“really? then you’d be okay with him acting the same way he does with you with literally anyone else?” you’re at a loss for words at this. what would you do if kai showed his gentleness to anyone else the same way he does for you? how would you react to him staying up all night on the phone with another girl? to him dropping everything just to make sure she’s eaten? to looking at someone else with infinite warmth and care? you wouldn’t like it at all. 

beomgyu smiles sadly at your reaction. he knows now that you’ll never love him again. not in the way he’s realized he loves you. but that’s okay. love is supposed to be selfless. he realizes that now as he watches you stutter and vehemently deny the love you have so obviously begun to have for another man.

on your end, all you can think is: oh god, how long have you been stringing kai along? since your fallout with beomgyu? or even before that? sure, you could hide under the pretense of being each other’s primary support system in heartbreak, but you can’t do that forever. especially not now. in the middle of your reverie, the sound of your front door opening snaps you back to reality. who else would it be besides the boy in question?

“what the fuck are you doing here?” kai growls when he catches sight of beomgyu. he had just stopped by to see if you’re okay since you hadn’t texted him back in awhile. he figured he’d walk in to you sleeping soundly, not to the sight of you and beomgyu getting cozy on your couch. you, of course, were decidedly not getting cozy with beomgyu in the slightest, but kai couldn’t see that in the midst of his rage. 

“me? i’m leaving now,” beomgyu says, sensing danger and cleverly wanting to escape it.

“yeah, you’d better,” kai spits. 

when beomgyu shuts the door behind him, kai immediately turns to you.

“did he hurt you?” you shake your head no. 

“are you okay?” he asks and all you can do is nod. actually, you haven’t felt this okay in a long, long time. things that didn’t previously make sense to you are incredibly clear now. you love kai, you really do. you loved beomgyu, obviously, but those feelings of pain are gone now that you feel the tenderness that is actual, reciprocated love. 

“kai?” you ask in the middle of his barrage of questions about what happened.

“yes?” he asks, completely dropping his interrogation as soon as you say his name. 

“do you love me?” his face crumbles at this question.

“don’t be stupid, of course i love you. you’re my best friend.” 

“not like that. i mean, do you love, love me?” you search his eyes for an answer. his mouth widens and he sputters for a moment before realizing there’s no way out.

“...yes.”

“since when?” you can’t help but ask.

“since always,” he says with a smile, reminiscent of the words you had spoken to beomgyu all that time ago. you can’t even imagine how kai must have felt when he saw you pining after beomgyu, and for so long. actually, you can. that’s how you felt about beomgyu. your heart aches when you think that you’ve unintentionally inflicted the same pain on the sweetest boy you’ve ever known.

“what about your ex?” 

“she’s not you. and i think… i think she knew my heart was never really in it. not like it is with you. i think that’s why she cheated.” it still hurt to be cheated on by her, to be clear, but not more than it did to see your eyes following beomgyu every second of every day. when he cried to you about her, he was really just crying over you.

“i’m… i know you’re not into me like that, and that's okay, it really is. i just don’t want to lose you.” your heart flutters at his words. kai’s selflessness, his care, his indulgence. his love. you try to imagine a world where kai shows the sides he shows to you to someone else. you’d feel absolutely gutted, now that you think about it. unconsciously, you’ve grown to want to monopolize everything about him. you can’t imagine giving him up, not for anyone. not even for beomgyu.

without another word, you gently place your hands on his cheeks and pull his face towards yours. you kiss him softly, tenderly, and he can’t help but gasp before melting into the kiss. there’s so much care behind it along with love, appreciation, and the sense of making up for lost time.

his eyes redden when you insert your tongue into his pliant mouth. 

“s-stop. any more, and i won’t be able to hold back.” “so don’t hold back,” you say as you grab his hand and lead him to your bedroom.

“a-are you sure?” he asks nervously.

“i’m sure,” you say breathily. “i love you, too. so please, just take care of me, okay?” he can’t hold himself back now. the girl he loves is practically begging him to take her, what kind of person would he be if he said no? so he doesn’t. with great care, he strips your clothes off of you and watches in awe as he sees your naked body in front of him. slowly, intentionally, he lays you down on your bed and admires you for all that you are. your cheeks heat up as he presses kisses onto every inch of your trembling body, almost like he’s trying to mark you with a seal that makes you his own, completely. almost like he’s removing traces of anyone else, and you love the feeling of practically being worshiped by a man who’s clearly in love with you.

eventually, his kisses become more and more fiery as he inches towards your fluttering pussy. 

with a curse, he grabs a pillow and shoves it underneath your hips, raising your glistening cunt so you can more easily fully take in the sight of him lapping up your sweetness like he’s starving. you’ve felt similar pleasure before, but nothing quite like this. is this how it feels to be with someone you love who truly loves you back? you think so. your legs are shaking and involuntarily caging him in between them, but he doesn’t try to resist you. it’s like he could die happily in between your legs as he moans into your cunt, the vibrations racking through your body deliciously. he chuckles when you gasp at the feeling of one of his long, knobby fingers entering your heat. he curls experimentally, you cry out his name when he finds your sweet spot and taps it mercilessly, sliding another finger in and following suit. the sweet feeling of his mouth sucking on your clit and the cruel curling of his fingers is enough to bring you to your climax. you cry out his name as your toes curl and legs shake, which only spurs him further, slurping up your slick like he can’t stand the thought of losing a single drop.

“did that feel good, baby? you wanted me to take care of you, right? so just sit back and let me do it. i’ll make you feel better than you ever have.”

he rips off his shirt and unceremoniously tosses it behind him. you’re panting now, gasping for air, but he’s not done with you yet. he sits up and unbuckles his pants, sliding them down his creamy thighs and letting his cock stand tall. his whole body is flushed pink with embarrassment when you take him all in, matching his reddened member, which is currently leaking profusely with precum. he’s so needy for you, and you can see it all over his bright pink face. you should be tired from the intense orgasm he just gave to you, but you can’t help but gulp in anticipation as he lines himself up with your entrance. slowly, he pushes his wide tip in your spasming pussy. 

“o-oh, god,” he says as he splits you open. you can’t even form words because the stretch you feel is absolutely scorching, so you whine instead. tears spring in your eyes as he shakily pulls out then pierces you with one fluid motion, bottoming out completely. 

“y-you’re going to break me,” you cry.

“oh, baby. it’s alright, you can take me,” he says soothingly, but not without a tinge of mischief. that’s all you get before he begins thrusting into you. the harsh curve of his cock dragging along your walls and inadvertently hitting your g spot relentlessly has you opening your mouth, trying not to drool, but failing when he sticks his thumb in your mouth. like a madwoman, you begin to desperately suck on it, which only fuels the fire even more. 

“you look so pretty sucking on me like that,” he coos. “bet you wish it was my dick instead, don’t you?” he snickers as he stuffs his cock into your pussy. “i’ll give it to you every day, okay? you don’t have to beg.” you nod pathetically in agreement. the thought of kai filling you up every day has you needier than before, somehow. you need this feeling, the feeling only he can give you.

his body is scorching hot in your arms. his cock throbbing inside you? even hotter. you watch in awe as he rams himself into you, your whole body shaking with every thrust. 

“t-take it, you can fucking take it. my pretty girl, so fucking perfect for me,” he praises.

this can’t be your sweet, sweet hyuka, right? but as your teary eyes look up at him, you know it has to be. as if he can hear your thoughts, he smirks as he takes one of his hands and lightly grips your throat. it’s not hard enough to hurt you, but enough to have you whimpering. he calls your name lovingly as he drills into your swollen pussy, walls clenching down around him. you whimpering out his name in tandem with the indecent sounds of his balls slapping against you ring inside his head. he feels more and more that he’s losing his grip on reality as he continues to impale you on his cock. a shudder pulsates through you as you feel an orgasm approaching again. you don’t have to say it’s coming, because he can feel it when you clench around him, pussy begging him not to leave as it sucks him in deeper and deeper. 

“fuck, baby, you look so beautiful coming undone around my cock. so gorgeous, this pussy is the best, never wanna leave it.”

neither of you feel particularly sane at the moment, especially not as he clutches your thigh to steady himself as he thoroughly fucks you into your soiled mattress, hand still gripping your throat. 

“gonna come, gonna get you pregnant so everyone knows not to mess with you. do you want that? do you want everyone to know how good i’m fucking you? that you’re all mine?”

“yes, yes, yes! come inside, please!” you manage to choke out. you place your arms around his neck and dig the heels of your feet into his ass as he drills into you. that’s all it takes, really, before his warm seed fills you to the brim. he moans as he releases his grip on your neck and pumps it further and further into you, pushing his load into your cervix as he peppers your face and neck with sweet kisses. 

he collapses, pushing your hair off of your sweaty face so he can get a better look at you. 

“d-did i hurt you?” he asks cautiously, only sobering up now that his release has come.

“it was good, i liked it,” you giggle, admiring his cuteness. he smiles contentedly as he places one hand on your stomach and gently caresses it. 

“you’re so beautiful,” he murmurs. “can’t believe you’re really mine.” mine. what a beautiful word, only made more beautiful by the boy who’s insisting you belong to each other.

“i could say the same thing about you,” you whisper, placing your hand on his blushing cheeks. 

“wanna go again?” he asks, cock already hardening once more.

“w-what?” you ask dumbly as he shifts from beside you.

“i meant it when i said i want everyone to know you’re mine,” he says, positioning himself over you again and sliding his cock up and down your slit. he was right. you’ve never felt this good before in your life, and you wouldn’t want it to be because of anyone else.

taglist: @my313 @superbbananananana @lonelybutterflytae @cherrycolaberry @everythingvirgoes @beomnoullitheorem @sunny4cast @softesyoongi

series taglist*: @gyulinoo @moamidzyism @sooberryworld @dreamxerz @sweetttkissess @gothraccoons @jaxyy219 @idontwantoeatspicy @soobsfairy444 @denleave1088 @notevenheretbh1 @fairfootedflekk @hihello-pinky @ilovesimjaehyun143 @seolis-world @midwinterblizzard @slutty-cherry @run2min

*if you were tagged in part two: beomgyu's ending i assumed u wanted to be tagged in this one too! if i was wrong, i'm sorry n i will delete ur tag jus lmk!!

[hannieehaee]

them accidentally ditching you on your bday pt. 2- pu

content: angsty, gender neutral, established relationship, jun's has one brief suggestive mention, fluffy ending, etc.

part 1

wc: 3232

a/n: tysm to everyone who read and enjoyed the whole series <33 it was rlly fun to write angst with a fluffy ending hehe

masterlist

jun -

against his better judgment, jun sat in silence for a while as he contemplated what to do. you were likely not only mad, but also disappointed at him ditching you like that. except he hadnt meant to! he truly had no idea he would sleep through the entirety of the morning. he had been so excited to spend his favorite day with his favorite person, but now he was left as a complete asshole while you believed him to have carelessly put you aside with no warning

after a few more minutes of self-pitying, he decided to get up. it was better to try and make amends and explain himself than to let even more time pass. he knew you'd be out by the time he arrived to your place, but at least that way he could fix something up for your arrival. he decided against calling you. it didnt feel personal enough, plus, the least he could do was surprise you.

without further thought, jun headed straight to your place, but not before inquiring his mom about a few recipes he knew you liked. his current plan was to make you a romantic dinner upon your return. in order to allow you to enjoy your day in whichever way you wished to, he continued to not contact you with his new plan. he knew it might've been dumb to not even answer the multiple messages you'd left him while he slept, but he wanted to apologize face to face with a romantic gesture.

preparing the meal had been easy enough. he followed it by creating a nice ambience with the lights and a few candles, along with some mellow music and incense. the next step in his plan was to offer you a massage and his wholehearted company for the rest of the night to do whatever you so wished.

luckily for him, your outing did not extend into the night, meaning his meal would become either a brunch or an early dinner. but that didn't matter to him the moment you stepped in and spotted him in suit and tie waiting for you in your apartment, eyes wide as saucers at the unexpected intrusion.

"jun?"

"wait! dont say anything. i rehearsed this, okay? let me say my thing first."

you were already used to his shenanigans, so you gestured at him to continue before voicing any questions.

"i'm so sorry. i know i promised to be here. and i was planning to be here on time! but i, uh, i fell asleep. i know how stupid that sounds, trust me! i didn't plan on this. i was so exhausted and i didnt realize that id sleep through all my alarms and your messages. my phone died last night too, so i didnt even realize you had called me. i'm just ... im sorry. i know im an idiot. please forgive me? i made you a romantic dinner to make up for it! i hope you like it, they're my mom's recipes," he paused for a second before continuing, "i love you! i wanted to spend the whole day with you, i swear. i know it didnt go as planned, but id you let me, id love to spend what remains of it doing whatever you want. im sorry i left you alone. i never meant to."

"junnie ..."

jun immediately noticed your lip begin to stick out in a pout, with watery eyes to match.

"oh, fuck. baby, i'm so sorry," he rushed you into his embrace, "i didnt mean to make you cry! i- how can i make it up to you? i'll do anything, just say the word."

you halted him before he could continue, remaining in his hold but disconnecting yourself enough to look into his eyes.

"no, junnie. it's just ... fuck, im sorry if my texts were harsh. i thought you had just ditched me for no reason. you must've been so exhausted, baby, im sorry. i understand why you weren't here, and ... god, thank you for the dinner. you're so sweet, junnie, im so so-"

"no! dont apologize. you're not allowed to apologize on your birthday. in a perfect world i wouldve made it home and fallen asleep in your arms instead. will you have dinner with me? then i can take you to bed," he interrupted himself upon realizing what he said, "oh, wait! not like that! but well, if you want too ... it's your day, anything you say goes. happy birthday, by the way," he pressed his nose to yours, "i love you."

you couldn't help but giggle at his panicked state, appreciating the sweet words nonetheless.

"thank you, junnie. i love you."

soonyoung -

soonyoung wasn't too sure where he was going.

it's not like be was blackout drunk, he was just drunk. period. he still had some sense of reason. he was almost 85% sure he was in minghao's car. but there was no way to be completely sure from the angle in which he was laying down. that's when his friend decided to inquire his name to check on him, thus confirming soonyoung's current whereabouts. that was also when soonyoung fell right back asleep.

next time he gained consciousness he was being dragged out of the car and being directed to follow minghao. he could recognize his new location anywhere. he was standing right outside your apartment. when you opened the door, he couldnt help but instantly let himself fall atop you, attacking you with a hug as you were forced a few steps back due to his body weight being dropped on you. you held him back, patting his back as you spoke to minghao about something. he wasn't too sure. the familiar scent at the crook of your neck had him too distracted to care.

finally minghao left, allowing you two some alone time. you left him on the couch and got him water, telling him he needed to sober up before you could talk, because apparently you had something to say to him. it was odd. you weren't cooing at him as you usually did. you also weren't stuck to his side, giving him his daily dose of physical affection like he'd always demand. he decided to shrug it off, allowing himself to fall into deep slumber on the uncomfortable space of your couch. he'd figure it out tomorrow.

when tomorrow came, soonyoung was hit with two things. one came after the other.

the first was his headache, which almost went away on its own at the mere aight of the aspirin you had left on the coffee table in front of him. he made a mental note to give you a thank you kiss the moment he saw you.

the next thing he was hit with was realization of how uneven this relationship seemingly was.

as he got up to seek you out, he stopped just before entering your bedroom, realizing you were on a phone call. he didn't mean to eavesdrop, but he was also really nosy by nature, so the math did itself.

"yeah. im sorry for cancelling on you yesterday ... no, i know ... it's not like that .... he just forgot .... yeah ..... he came home drunk .... i dont know. i think i'll just let him figure it out on his own .... i am hurt. we made plans and he just blew me off to drink with his friends, of course im hurt .... i'll just see you tomorrow, i gotta go take care of him .... yeah, i know im an idiot, but i love him .... okay, bye. love you too."

soonyoung could only hear your side of the conversation, but that had been enough for him to clue the pieces together. your birthday was yesterday. which was something he knew, but had completely left his mind at the mention of free drinks with the guys.

after that realization came many others.

you had shown him no type of anger upon his arrival, even making sure take care of him in his drunken state. you had changed him into his pjs as he slept, tucked him into your couch, given him medicine. even after he blew you off. on your birthday. fuck.

he gave himself no time to think before he barged into the room, immediately kneeling in front of you as he grabbed onto your hands. he paid no mind to your shocked state as he started babbling apologies to you.

"im so sorry, i- i dont know how i forgot. baby ... im so fucking sorry. i cant believe you took care of me even after i forgot. you shouldve punished me. you should punish me. i dont deserve you. im so so so sorry. i love you so much, i swear i never meant go forget. im just an idiot. that's not an excuse! you're just too good for me. I'll make it up to you! how can i? anything! please, i love you."

his rambling could only be blamed on his still buzzed state, as that had only been half of his apology. he kept going for ten minutes, allowing you no room to respond. he was surprised when by the end of it you'd instructed him to get up, almost tackling him in a hug as you wrapped your arms around his neck. he might've been an idiot, but he'd accept any affection from you he could get. always.

"soonie ..." you pulled away to look into his eyes, a sweet softness behind them. them you decided to slap his chest, making him wince at the unexpectedness of it, "you fucking idiot! i waited for you all day, and you ditch me for alcohol?"

"baby, i-"

"no! i cant sit through another ten minutes of apologies. im pretty sure you're a little drunk still. i forgive you. but you have a lot of making up to do, understand?"

he felt like a scolded puppy, but agreed regardless, telling you that he would swear off alcohol if that's what it took. he enjoyed your giggle as he suggested ridiculous ways to make it up to you, knowing he'd genuinely do anything to make up for ever making you upset.

minghao -

if he hadn't felt immediate regret the moment the words came out of his mouth, he sure felt it now, hearing you cry through the door to your shared bedroom.

he had no idea what had gotten into him. never had he ever even entertained the idea of disrespecting you like that, much less ever making you cry. he could take his job too seriously sometimes, making him a bit too irritable when his work ethic was questioned in any way. although this was true, he knew it was still just a cheap excuse for his behavior. no matter what had been going through his mind, he knew he had no right to speak to you in the way that he did, dismissing you so coldly on a day that was meant to celebrate you.

he was unsure what to do. he wanted to comfort you so badly, but he knew that he had been the sole cause for your pain. he felt himself get emotional at the mere thought, with your sobs making him weak at the knees in regret. he sat himself down on the other side of the door, knowing from the proximity of your cries that you must've been on the opposite side as well. he kept quiet, simply torturing himself as he heard the love of his life cry because of him. there was only so much he could take, however, before finally interrupting.

"my love ..?"

your cries seized a bit at his interruption, but your sniffles and heavy breath could still be heard, breaking his heart bit by bit.

"angel ... im so sorry ... i- i don't know what came over me. you're right. i should've called you. there is no world in which i wouldnt want to be with you to celebrate the birth of the love of my life. you're my everything. i want to shout it from the rooftops. i want everyone to know who my entire world is; who makes my heart beat," he took a pause to breathe, allowing himself to think of how to properly apologize to you, "i should never speak to you the way i just did, i ... im disgusted with myself. you're the most important thing in my life. being the source of your sadness makes me lose my mind. my one purpose in this life is to love you with all i have. im so sorry ... my love, please dont cry over me. no one deserves your tears."

by the end of his speech you had begun to cry harder, making his heart crumble even more.

"angel ... let me see you, please. i need to hold you, need to- need you in my arms. cant stand not taking away your pain, please, i-"

his words were interrupted by a sudden opening of the door. by the time he'd gotten up, you had already walked further into your room, sitting on the edge of the bed as you made yourself as small as possible, looking down while he approached. he knelt in front of you, grabbing your hands as he held them against his own, kissing at the back of your palms as he professed his love for you once more. he then got up and made it so you'd stand up with him, allowing him to cradle you in his arms.

"please forgive me ... i adore you more than anything."

you finally looked up at him, bloodshot eyes as he looked down at you with both worry and adoration.

"did you mean it? do you really not care to ditch me for your career? did you-"

"no! never. you're everything to me. there's nothing i hold more dear to my heart than your own. i'll never make you cry again. i'll grow old with you and give you nothing but happiness. please, please forgive me."

he knew his words could only get him so far, being fully aware that he had purposely hurt your feelings in the heat of the moment. he simply hoped that this would not cause a strain in your relationship; that you would somehow look past it and give him the forgiveness that he didn't deserve.

his thoughts were fortunately interrupted by a soft meeting of your lips, allowing him to melt into you before you pulled away.

"hao ... i forgive you. i- i never thought you'd just disregard me like that," he physically winced at the thought, "but you've shown me nothing but love and respect otherwise. i understand you were stressed, and i love you, so i forgive you."

"thank you, angel. i'll take tomorrow off, okay? let me keep you all to myself so i can show you how sorry i am; how badly i love you."

he then spent the rest of the night attached to you, waxing poetic at you as he told you of all the plans he had for the two of you tomorrow, even eventually progressing into talking about his night at the fashion show. your enthusiasm at his rambles made him realize how fortunate he was to have you all over again. he made a promise to himself and to you that he'd never lose his temper around you ever again.

chan -

"wait, what? ah! don't hit me!"

"you idiot! you're dating a literal angel and you forget their birthday?! what is wrong with you?"

"it's not today! it's, uh, wait. fuck. today?!"

checking his phone really quickly he realized that today's date was in fact your birthday. he hadn't bothered to write down a reminder for your birthday anywhere, knowing there was absolutely more way he could forget. except that the days had begun to blend together at some point, rendering him into a machine as he just went to his schedules without much thought. what he hadn't accounted for, however, was for your birthday to get lost in the mess also.

chan hadn't planned for his day to go like this. he 100% was not expecting to be berated by seungkwan the moment he stepped foot into the practice room, being scolded over being a careless boyfriend. even as annoyed as he was at his friend, he knew he was right. he hadn't meant to, but ultimately he had forgotten about you. it sucked to think about how he had bid you goodbye just this morning with not a single care in the world, now realizing that you were probably alone and feeling disregarded by him. i mean, for fuck's sakes, he had told you to take the day off a few weeks back. promising a fun afternoon together after he got off work. and now he had completely forgotten about it.

he needed to fix this, and quick.

like any lovesick guy (such as chan, who was immensely down bad for you), he ran to leave practice. he knew soonyoung would have his ass on a silver platter the moment he arrived and noticed chan's absence, but after weighing his options (hurting your feelings vs. being berated by yet another one of his older brothers), he decided you were the clear priority.

ran might've been an overstatement, but he did rush as much as he could. he wanted to account for the extra time he'd need to spend to stop by a flower shop on the way in order to beg for forgiveness in a more heartfelt way.

after picking a bouquet of your favorites, he instructed the driver to take him to your address, which led him to his current predicament as he stood outside your apartment door, breathless due to having ran up the stairs in very dramatic fashion. what could he say? he was just a boy in love.

the moment you opened the door to his knocks, he rushed in, rambling endless apologies to you as he handed you the flowers, professing his love to you while also whining (mostly at himself) that seungkwan of all people had been the one to remind him of the love of his life's special day. it was funny, really, how he didn't seem to run out of words when expressing his regret at his mistake.

you interrupted him halfway through his fourth apology, giggling at his widened eyes. okay, this was not exactly the reaction he was expecting.

"chan! jesus, breathe," you interrupted, "i'm not mad. i mean, i was. but you literally only left an hour ago, i cant believe you're back already."

"i headed back the moment kwan told me. baby. i'm sorry. i had planned to take the day off and surprise you, it just slipped my mind, i swe-"

"chan! it's fine! i'm not- i'm not mad, i promise. the fact that you came back running is so ... it's funny," you giggled again, "but its also very sweet. you have nothing to apologize for, okay? i'm just happy you're here."

he hugged you after that, disregarding the flowers in your hands as he nuzzled his nose into your hair.

"remind me to thank kwannie for reminding my bad, forgetful boyfriend about my birthday."

"yah! you're not allowed to hang out with him anymore, okay? he's a bad influence," he complained against you, enjoying the vibration of your laugh in return.

a/n: sorry some are way angstier than others ;-; i wanted to vary them a little. anyways tysm if u read the entirety of this mini series <3

[agustdiv1ne]

ticket to nowhere (but your heart) (m) — cyj

pairing: choi yeonjun x fem!reader

genre: strangers to lovers au, photographer!yeonjun, artist!reader, fluff, angst, smսt

wc: 22.3k

synopsis: twelve days. twelve days is all you have on this godforsaken train to find the spark that will save your dying art career — but you never thought that you would find it in the enigmatic stranger that you can’t seem to stop running into.

warnings: mdni!! ageless + blank blogs dni!!!, mc is bad with feelings, is alluded to have anxiety, and is written as shorter than jjun (i'm sorry to my taller friends, i love you) + the same age as him (24), this takes place in various places across the u.s. (sorry in advance), mentions of food + alcohol, vvvvv brief depiction of potential self-injury when describing a painting, beomgyu + le sserafim's sakura, chaewon, and yunjin (called jennifer here just bc i felt like it) are featured, dom!jjun, sub!mc, soft sex, oral (f receiving), fingering (f receiving), light begging, multiple orgasms, protected sex (hooray!), missionary, praise

note: part of @majestyjun's yeonjun bday event!! REPOSTED bc tumblr decided to not let this show up in the tags (edit: it's now showing up!!) </3 also my longest fic to date, so that's something

*:･playlist･:*

(cross-posted to ao3 here!)

masterlist

everything in your life is bland. gray.

the food that you eat, the people that you become acquainted with, the skyscrapers above you that grasp for the sky and fail to reach it — they have all become so monotone and somber and utterly lifeless. something within you gnaws at itself, aching with pain — though the sharpness of the feeling has been blunted by the passing of time — because you used to adore the city that you call home. you used to find unrivaled beauty in the skyscrapers that spread across manhattan, in the lush green parks scattered amongst the urban landscape that would turn warm and golden as summer metamorphosed into autumn, in the people that would walk by you with their unapologetic, unique fashion and confidence. the very things you used to love have dulled in hue, washes of the vibrancy you once appreciated and took significant inspiration from. 

throughout your apartment lay half-baked paintings and charcoal drawings and pieces with odd compositions from that one month where you went through a mixed media phase, staring at you with their paint-streaked eyes, mocking you. finish us, their fragmentary faces scream. they beg for you to provide them with souls, to be their maker, their creator — but not quite their god. you are not pretentious enough to go that far, to paint yourself as that self-important, that narcissistic. you are far from a god. if you were, you would be in a larger apartment, a penthouse worth millions of dollars in soho or maybe the upper east side. if you were a god, you would purchase the finest art supplies in the world, have your pieces be displayed in major galleries to be auctioned off for hundreds of thousands — no, millions of dollars by pretentious art collectors to be hung up in their gaudy mansions, their own slices of heaven. however, in reality, you fall exceptionally short of a higher being; in truth, you are a rather simple woman who had transplanted herself from her suffocating hometown to brooklyn as soon as you completed your undergraduate degree. a tiny little apartment in brooklyn, new york city, new york — an adumbration of purgatory, floating somewhere between heaven and hell. trapped, trapped, trapped. nowhere to go. 

sitting on your bed, the balls of your feet pressed against the cool wooden floor, you ponder if these thoughts, this density of emotions burrowing into your stomach, are a symptom of burnout. maybe even artist’s block, though in the past you’ve often remarked that the concept doesn’t exist. you had never experienced it, so in your sorely narrow-minded view, it simply couldn’t be possible, and other artists were simply blaming their laziness on this elusive concept. what a fool you were for ever thinking that. shame hangs like a heavy weight within your chest; who are you to criticize the experiences of other artists when you know how difficult a creative’s life can be? how could you be so insolent? 

a raging hypocrite, really, is what you think you must be. a blank, blurry stare scans over your space, the coolness of the floor spreading up into your toes. an easel in the corner, near one of the small windows that allows for a view of mostly red brick, a sliver of blue-brown water where the hudson and east rivers meet, and a few lower manhattan skyscrapers that tower high in the air across the watery expanse. it’s not that far from your bed, which sits on the wall opposite below a second window, the slightest bit larger than the other one. most of your apartment is taken up by supplies rather than actual decor, a jar of paintbrushes on your small, round dining table in the corner near your kitchen instead of a vase of flowers, works-in-progress on the walls rather than posters, pictures. 

you live and breathe art, and your entire apartment reflects that, but the oxygen is getting thinner and thinner.

even then, you’re not quite sure how long you have felt this way — it’s not as if you woke up one day and noticed the change. it wasn’t sudden like a car accident, slamming into you one second and leaving you to cope with the aftermath the next. quite the opposite, really, more akin to the tide slowly coming to shore, washing over more of your body with each incoming wave. soothing, flowing along with each ebb and flow, pulling you further and further away from the beach until you have nowhere else to go but down. 

weak fingers dig into the white comforter below you, curling into the fabric with a surging desperation — for what, you are unsure. comfort? someone to hold you? you haven’t felt the embrace of another, the warm sensation of lips pressed against your own, in an embarrassingly long time. the dating world had slipped from your hands long ago, shattering on the floor like a snow globe, your wants and hopes and desires to love and be loved soaking your lacerated feet and stinging as it enters your wounds. your mind trails to beomgyu, a fellow artist who you had met when you could afford a private studio in a warehouse one burrow over. he was fun, a sappy romantic, and he made you laugh to no end — but he ruined you. he moved across the country without warning and you’d never heard from him again, leaving you heartbroken and with questions you’d never get answers to. you wonder how he’s doing now, if san francisco is treating him well. his number is still in your phone. you should delete it. you need to delete it. you need to make dinner. you need to finish that commission. you need to do a lot of things.

you need to get out of here. 

fuck, you do. the desperation surging within your veins takes the new form of a beast, clawing its way up your throat. you need to leave the city and experience new places and see new things and—

finally, you wrench yourself off of your bed after hours of sitting there. snatching your laptop from the floor, you search. you search and search and search for something that will get you out of this city, albeit temporarily. several different trips to italy — too expensive, and too far away from here. an airbnb in florida — you’ve never been a fan of humidity, and you don’t think only seeing one city will be enough to sate you. come on, come on, there has to be something. 

and then you find it: twelve days on a train, across the country. stops in chicago, denver, san francisco, seattle, and even a national park for half a day before looping back through chicago and back to new york. this sounds…perfect. your eyes grow as wide as saucers at the price as you scroll down. for you, it’s expensive, so fucking expensive, but…

“you need to let go and enjoy life for once,” one of your friends told you at a party a few months ago, when you were experiencing a less incapacitating version of the burnout you currently face, when you had thought it was a mere blip in your unending motivation. of course, you hadn’t listened to jennifer and her sound (and moscato-induced) advice, opting to throw yourself further into your art and ultimately fail at creating anything worthwhile. you regret it now, because you feel stuck. terribly, utterly stuck — but this is your chance to change that. 

you need this; you can make the sacrifice to your already thinning bank account, you think. let go, enjoy life. let go, enjoy life — you repeat those four words over and over again as you type in your card information, as you click the button to book the trip, as you read over the confirmation email that outlines the steps you need to take before you leave. let go, enjoy life, and you will. you will, and you will relight that dimming, nearly extinguished fire within you while you’re at it. you’ll make damn sure of it. 

day one. 

your heart is pounding. the rapid ba-bump ba-bump ba-bump roars in your ears like thunder as people upon people walk past, shoving against both of your shoulders as you stand in front of a board full of green and yellow and red. the sounds of voices and rolling luggage echo across the high, transparent ceilings of the station which allow for a view of the sky above. early mornings and you do not agree with each other, and today is no exception; poorly-veiled dark circles sit beneath your eyes, illuminated by the soft, warm light streaming in from above. looking down at your phone and back up at the screen again, you find that your train is thankfully on time, the bright green letters helping loosen the tightness gathered in your shoulders as you roll them back once, twice. your teeth skirt your bottom lip while you nod to yourself, then scan the spacious building for the escalator that will take you down to the correct platform. 

you hate that you’re nervous. the feeling twists your stomach into knots and flushes your face, cheeks hot as you stand there and wait out the remaining minutes before you can board. it doesn’t even make sense — you should be happy to get out of town, to go places you’ve never been to before, but all you can focus on is the unease creeping up your throat and blooming sour on your tongue. perhaps this is actually excitement that you are feeling. maybe you’re reading it all wrong — jennifer was more than ecstatic when you told her of your impromptu trip, saying “this is what you need! this might be your breakthrough!” 

ever since you met the her, she was always a degree more optimistic than you. looking on the bright side of things, no matter what dire circumstances lay splayed out across the dealer’s table. what’s stopping you from being the same way? several things, but at the same time, jennifer is right: you need this. your hands jitter with an odd combination of excitement and fear — maybe it’s simply the thought of solo travel that is so intimidating. yeah, it has to be. it will pass soon enough — hopefully. you roughly shove your set of headphones onto your head, slipping them over your ears. music will have to do for now, if only to prevent thoughts from racing through your head. 

once you board, you learn that your quarters are…small, though that was expected. it reminds you of your studio apartment, almost; cramped, but lacking the scattered paint tubes and canvases and miscellaneous mediums that you have not laid a single finger upon in months now. the small, travel-size tubes of paint sitting in your backpack weigh your shoulders down, begging to be taken out and spread across the small, flat canvases that are tucked snugly beside them. you muffle their pleas by turning up the music streaming through your headphones. closing the door behind you, you softly hum to the current song in your ears, shoving your suitcase in the corner of the room. 

once the attendant checks your ticket, you decide to take a nap — who cares if it’s early? you barely got enough sleep last night in the first place, too nervous to allow your eyes to shut. collapsing onto your bed, you pull the curtains next to it shut and allow yourself to drift off into a quiet, dreamless sleep.

*:･

you awake around noon with a growling stomach. with a sigh, you rub your tired eyes and sit up, smoothing out your rumpled shirt. after a quick look on your camera to make sure none of your mascara has transferred below your eyes, you make your way to the dining car that’s not too far from your own.

it’s nice, quaint; simply decorated like the rest, with large, square windows divided by thin pieces of wood lining each side. smaller tables line the wall to your right, two seats at each, while larger, four-person tables sit to your left. you opt for a two-seater towards the middle, tunnel vision blocking out the rest of the people present. you stare out at the greenery that blurs outside the window, listening to the low rumble of the train, mindlessly thumbing the laminated menu laying on the table. while you wait for the waitress to get to your table, a light, feminine voice knocks you from your own little world.

“excuse me?” the voice asks. you flinch in response, blinking hard as you look to your left and find two women sitting at the four-seater next to you. they’re both pretty, brown-eyed with full lips curved into twin smiles. they don’t look like sisters, though — more so friends. 

“yes?” you politely say, wondering what they could want with you. the shorter-haired one’s smile grows wider once you speak. she has a rounder face than the other girl, her black bangs ending above her eyes that are currently crinkled at the corners. 

“are you waiting for anyone?” the other girl asks, the one with a long wolfcut and wide, hypnotizing eyes. definitely not sisters, you think, they look nothing alike. 

shaking your head, you softly murmur, “i’m not.”

“would you like to join us, then?” the wide-eyed one asks, a hopeful glint shining in her eyes. 

“i...i wouldn’t want to intrude,” you reply. your mouth curls into something apologetic, as if you’re the one burdening them despite them being the ones to ask you. this interaction feels weird, awkward, and a very large part of you wishes you could melt through the floor and disappear forever. 

“you wouldn’t!” straight black bob chimes in, hands clasped together on top of the table as she leans towards you. cheery, excitable. “we wouldn’t mind at all, really.”

you nod with a tiny, somewhat nervous grin as you take the seat closest to you, right next to wide-eyed wolfcut. you offer them your name, unsure what else to give them. your age? your profession? your deep-seated trauma? okay, definitely not that last one. 

“it’s nice to meet you,” straight black bob says, while the other chimes in with a soft hum of affirmation. “i’m chaewon.”

“and i’m sakura,” wolfcut adds with a dip of her chin.

hands placed snugly in your lap, you pick at your thumb nail. your back is stiff in the chair, and you hope they won’t notice. “it’s nice to meet you guys too. are you traveling together?” 

both of them giggle, glancing at each other for a moment before swiveling their eyes back to you. for a moment, you’re confused. why was that so funny? they look to be decent friends, at least from your limited interactions with them thus far.

“we actually just met a few minutes ago,” wolfcut — no, sakura claims. oh, so they’re not friends, then. “we ran into each other— like, quite literally ran into each other.”

“it was…kinda bad,” chaewon laughs before she takes a sip of water. “my ass is still sore.”

you huff a laugh at that, all air and no sound, and the conversation continues with a light-hearted air to it. as the minutes tick by, you learn that chaewon is a graduate student taking a gap semester, while sakura owns her own makeup line, a small business that is beginning to pick up speed thanks to social media. one lives in brooklyn—

“no way,” you gasp at chaewon. “where at?” 

sakura, meanwhile, resides in upper manhattan. even more information about them bombards your brain as all of you begin to eat, but you doubt you’ll remember most of it by tomorrow, even later today — it’s alright, though. the three of you have exchanged numbers (to create a group chat) and have basically promised to be travel buddies for the coming days. your cheeks hurt from smiling so hard, grateful to find kind, welcoming people on this train — you’d think that jennifer would like them. the way they interact with each other is somewhat reminiscent of your and jennifer’s friendship. friends…yeah, you can see the three of you becoming good friends. 

“can we see some of your art?” chaewon asks, bob shifting like a wave around her head as she shakes it. oh, yeah. you had briefly mentioned your profession, though shame barred you from sharing your reasons that led you to this train in the first place. 

you cringe. “oh, well—”

“i’m sure it’s great!” she continues. “c’mon, pleaseee?”

with sparkling doe eyes and hands clasped tightly together, it’s difficult to say no — and you don’t, shaking your head a little as you pull up your instagram account. while you’re proud of the pieces you’ve posted on there, they aren’t your most emotional. those ones are saved in your camera roll, and that is where they will stay, only for your eyes (and a very few select others) to see. they coo and aw as they swipe through, your phone placed on the table between them. heat rushes to your cheeks as you begin to pick at the remnants of your lunch sitting on your plate. deep down, their kind comments cause an unusual sense of guilt to invade your heart. why couldn’t you produce shit like that now? what the hell is wrong with you?

with a polite smile, you thank them and move to excuse yourself before your pathetic sense of self-pity can consume you. they seem a bit surprised by your abrupt exit, but they also take it in stride, offering to text you later for dinner. slipping from your seat, you send them a wave before setting off towards the door from which you initially came. 

*:･

you don’t know what spurred you to make a stop at your room and snatch your sketchbook from your backpack before heading to the observation car, but after a whole lot of sitting and not one speck of sketching, you kind of, sort of have started to hate yourself for that decision. 

the open page in your lap is abysmally blank. no marks, no little trees or lush fields or flowers or anything that you see speeding by outside the window. your pencil has been poised against the page for the longest time, dark gray dots scattered across the page where you would press the point of the pencil to start making a mark and subsequently give up. another hour with no progress ticks by, but you still can’t make it move. move, why won’t your hand just move? 

flipping it shut, you lean back in your seat with a deep sigh. you can’t force these things, you know that much, but that won’t stop you from trying — and failing — to produce something. you’d rather not dwell on that for too long, though. those thoughts are what got you here in the first place. instead, you allow your tense muscles to relax, your eyes to lose focus and blur, blobs of green and blue passing by your vision. soft murmurs from other passengers meld together into a wall of droning noise, soft and soothing. 

that is, until the sound of someone settling into a seat a couple away from your own pops your little bubble like a sharp, pointed pin pressing into the skin of a balloon. blinking your vision back into focus, you take a quick glance to your right and—

holy shit, he’s beautiful. a sloping nose and pink, plush lips, you wouldn’t be surprised if he was a model of some sort with a face like that. his dark, slightly outgrown hair frames his side profile perfectly, sweeping back towards the back of his head where it begins to curl down the back of his neck. there’s this sort of dreamy, ethereal quality to his looks, like the universe took it’s sweet time creating him, lovingly placed tiny little stars in his sable, fox-like eyes and kissed his skin with the sun’s gentle rays, a light pink dusted across his cheeks — or, at least, the one cheek that you can see. bulky headphones sit snugly over his ears as he simply watches the landscapes pass by, one long leg crossed over the other. before you register the movement of your hands, your sketchbook is flipped back open to that very same blank page you’d given up on mere moments ago, fingers gripping your pencil once more. fluid like water is how your hand moves across the page, capturing the unique shape of his eyes, his soft yet defined jawline, the slope of his neck…

for the first time in months, you lose yourself in your work, yet you don’t even register this small breakthrough. peeking back up at the beautiful stranger every once in a while, you slowly carve out his likeness on the page in front of you, begin to add his surroundings and even a background, shading with light, circular strokes as you go, building up the deposit of graphite where it is needed most, defining the shape of his pouty lips and the strong cupid’s bow that connects his top lip to his nose, mapping out the flow and shape of locks of hair with dark, daring strokes, graphite pressing hard into the page. you even add some flyways for good measure. in your frenzied bout of drawing, you have hunched over in your chair, an old habit that is rearing its ugly head now that you don’t have a standing easel to work with. straightening your aching spine, you sit back and observe your sketch, wondering if you have missed any defining details—

and when you move to look up and take in his features again, he is staring right back at you. 

oh.

oh, fuck. 

frozen in your seat, you can’t tear your gaze away from his own, a hint of concern swirling in his irises. his eyebrows raise, eyes slightly wide as he tilts his head. the corners of his pretty lips raise, parting as if about to speak — and he does.

“are you okay?”

his deep voice snaps you out of your stupor, flinching before you quickly flip your notebook shut and sent him a tight smile paired with a nod, eyes darting around to look everywhere but him. your heart just might leap out of your chest at this rate, tear open your sternum and collide with the floor. you almost wish it would. 

he’s frowning now, a wrinkle between his eyebrows. “uh, are you sure—”

without another glance at him, you stand, clutch your notebook and pencil tight enough that it presses marks into your skin, and book it straight out of there with swift and featherlight steps. you don’t look back, far too embarrassed to even consider it, not stopping until you reach your room. the door is slammed shut behind you, but the nerves-induced ache in your chest won’t fade. pressing the cool backs of your hands against your fiery cheeks, you resist the urge to slap yourself. what the fuck is wrong with you? you should’ve just answered him and apologized for staring. he probably thinks you’re some creep now, with your weird little notebook and lack of verbal response — and the way you left. god, if a hole opened up and swallowed you whole, that wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.

“you are so fucking embarrassing,” you hiss, venemous words aimed straight at yourself, your head buried in your hands as you curl up on the bed. day one, day fucking one, and you’ve already made a fool of yourself in front of someone.

maybe you should stay in here for the rest of your trip.

day two.

“...why is it so big?”

chaewon is referring to cloud gate — or, rather, what is more popularly known as the bean — a terribly ugly, silver, oversized, bean-shaped art installation that sits in chicago’s millennium park. an art installation that you, quite frankly, despise mostly due to the artist behind the work. given that anish kapoor is an elitist prick who has shit on the art world with his wealth and hates when people call his piece the bean, you take great, overwhelming satisfaction in calling it that. 

her question — paired with her furrowed eyebrows — causes you and sakura to snicker to yourselves. you’re grateful that they texted you this morning, had forced you out of your room because you actually were going to go through with your staying-in-your-room-forever plan (for today, at least). this park is your first stop of many, but you really want to get this part over with so that you don’t have to see this gargantuan, chrome bean ever again. despite its ugliness, you can admit that the slightly warped, mirrored reflection of the city that it provides is kind of interesting to look at, and it makes for some cool pictures. 

(still, fuck anish kapoor. you refuse to give that man any credit.)

you end up taking a photo of you flipping it off from afar, sending it to jennifer with a smirk before helping the other two girls with some of their own photos. here, there’s no pressure to create, only to enjoy and experience what surrounds you, no matter how tourist-y it may be. 

sakura slings an arm over your shoulder and pulls you closer to her, arm extended out to take a selfie. your hand raises in a peace sign at the camera, smile bright and wide like the sun above. there’s not an inkling of worry in your expression — until you see him. 

the guy from yesterday, standing maybe ten feet away. he dons an unbuttoned striped shirt layered over a tank top which is tucked into baggy, dark wash jeans. a thin, black belt wraps around his waist, a small camera hanging from his neck, and his hair looks as perfect as yesterday, shiny and smooth under the unobstructed sunlight. thankfully, he hasn’t noticed you, but that doesn’t stop your smile from fading, your heart from hammering within your chest as your brain cruelly replays the events of yesterday afternoon in slow motion. you can’t face him right now. what if he comes up to you? what if he confronts you for your odd behavior in front of this crowd? these are worst case scenarios, sure, but they are potential outcomes nonetheless. as he begins to turn in your direction, you whip around, slipping from under sakura’s arm as you face the two girls. 

“you guys ready to go?” you ask, masking your worry with a tight grin. don’t ask why, don’t ask why, please don’t ask why.

“yeah, sure,” chaewon nods. “i think i’ve had enough of the bean.”

“same,” sakura laughs.

“we could grab lunch, then go to the aquarium and planetarium?” you suggest, one foot beginning to tap against the concrete as you look back and forth between them. are there eyes burning into the back of your head right now? you can’t tell, but the prickling on the back of your neck is not a promising sign. they look at each other, then back to you — a phenomenon that has rapidly become a habit for them — and agree. surging forward, your hands loop around their wrists closest to you, and begin to speed walk away. far away.

“uh, girl? this is the wrong way, we’re going deeper into the park,” sakura notes, heels digging into the concrete to slow you down. she’s right, you know she’s right, but you’re not particularly keen on turning around. 

with a sheepish grin, you say, “maybe we could take a walk through the park first?”

as if on cue, chaewon’s stomach emits an audible growl. 

“nevermind, then.”

turning around, you find the stranger facing your way, and for some reason, he’s already looking at you. his eyebrows raise in recognition the moment you make eye contact. all of a sudden, you wish that you could shrivel up and die. despite this, you rip your gaze from his and push forward, turning to speak to sakura so that you aren’t forced to glance in his direction. mission: avoid the stranger who now haunts your life — success!

goodbye, the bean and the guy who you embarrassed yourself in front of. hello, chicago-style pizza. 

*:･

you’re tired.

you’re tired and slightly more broke and your legs and feet ache to hell after the copious amount of walking you’ve done, but your day still isn’t over. no, despite the setting sun and rising moon, you still have one more activity on your itinerary — clubbing, by request of your newfound friends, though even they claim that they don’t often partake in the activity. similar to them, you’re more inclined to small get-togethers with wine, food from that thai place down the street from your apartment, and a good movie, but hey, this trip is all about experiencing new things. hell, maybe you’ll even enjoy it, who knows? at least, you’re going to try to, but the pain radiating in the soles of your feet and calves has worsened due to your high heels. the dress wrapped around your body is tight and flattering in all the right places, yet the hem rides up every few minutes as you walk. 

“the pessimism isn’t cute. quit it,” you hear jennifer’s voice echo inside your head, yet another phrase she’s uttered to you in the past. fine — on the bright side, you haven’t seen that good-looking stranger since the park. bam, positivity, go you.

sakura’s arm loops around yours as you reach the club that you collectively decided on earlier. her excited squeals at the prospect of alcohol (or, rather, more alcohol, since she pregramed a bit prior to leaving the station) and dancing are enough to bring on a weak headache that spreads across your temples. ibuprofen. you desperately need ibuprofen, but vodka will do just fine too — it’s the first thing you order at the bar, a straight shot with no chaser because at this point, you don’t care. let go, enjoy life, you internalize as you toss the sharp liquor down your throat, fatigue melting away as the alcohol enters your veins. 

cheers, jennifer. you still need to text her back.

one more downed shot later, and chaewon is dragging you to the dance floor. the bass pounds in your ears and vibrates the floor as the three of you sway to the upbeat songs. droplets of sweat begin to bead along your hairline, bodies packed so close together that it’s virtually impossible not to be jostled by a stray elbow or shoulder as you dance. if you were completely sober, it would be uncomfortable, but your hazy senses allow for you to overlook the sardine can that is called a club. it’s easy to lose yourself in the warm, heady air, in the way your hips bump between chaewon’s and sakura’s. inhibitions melt away — you’re free; no expectations weighing you down, nowhere to be, no one to be. only music, flashing lights, and the new, fruity drink in your hand, courtesy of sakura. 

“gonna take a breather!” you yell into chaewon’s ear, the alcohol finally catching up to you. she nods, yells words you can’t make out into sakura’s ear, and both of them begin to follow you out of the crowd. you sip at your drink as you push your way through, ducking under swinging arms and avoiding splashing drinks. the crowd thins as you grow closer to the edge of the dance floor until only scattered groups of friends remain.

“you didn’t have to come with me, y’know,” you say as soon as you reach a slightly quieter part of the club, taking a seat in an empty booth. “i can handle myself.”

“it’s better to stick together. less dangerous,” sakura refutes. some of the glitter that sits above her eyes had drafted down to her cheeks, glinting as a beam of bright light travels over the lower half of her face. “you never know what could happen in a club.”

chewing at the neon pink straw in your drink, you nod, “that’s true.” 

as chaewon and sakura fall into conversation, their words not quite reaching your ears, you silently scan the club. the darkness is cut by wild lasers and spotlights that whirl around and catch on the faces of countless strangers, their pearly, grinning teeth glinting and disappearing back into obscurity in a flash. you continue to nibble at your straw, vision hazy around the edges and an airy sensation in your limbs, as if you could float up to the ceiling. you look up at the multicolored lights, flashes of red and green and blue bombarding your vision, then back down towards the crowd.

and yet again, you find him in your sights. 

suddenly, your vision has a crystal clear clarity to it. button-down shirt wide open to reveal his toned torso, he smoothly moves to the beat with an intoxicated smirk painted on his lips, a small glass of amber liquor in his left hand. dark, outgrown hair, plush lips, those dark, dreamy eyes — that’s him. shit, that’s definitely him. 

“you’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” you murmur, head collapsing into your arms on top of the cool wooden table. sakura jumps in her seat next to you, before scrambling to place a hand on your shoulder.

“are you okay?” she squeals near your ear, tacking on a worried call of your name when you don’t respond right away. honestly? you’re kind of not okay. you’re tired of encountering him at every turn and being reminded of your humiliating escape from him yesterday. you’re tired of him spotting you and sending you odd looks as if you’re the weirdest person he’s ever crossed paths with. you’re tired, you’re tired, you’re just so tired. 

you decided to go on this trip to get away from the mundanity of your day-to-day routine, to get over your spell of artist’s block and see new things, but maybe you bit off more than you can chew if you were going to allow one random person to ruin that goal for you. a random stranger shouldn’t have this much power over you. 

raising your head, you send them a half-hearted nod. “i’m fine. sorry.”

chaewon frowns, “are you about to throw up? ‘cause you look like you are.”

“you look like you’ve just seen a ghost,” sakura chimes in.

sighing, you shake your head. “i think— i think i need to use the bathroom.”

as you move to get up, they do as well — though you decide not to protest this time. there’s no point, really. your legs wobble a bit as you walk, face dropping once you notice that he is near the men’s restroom now, waiting outside right across from where you aim to go. head down, you scurry past him, ignoring how his eyes widen and his knuckles pale as he grips his drink tighter. chaewon and sakura are hot on your heels as you slip into the quiet bathroom. with the music from outside now muffled, you realize your ears are ringing. reaching a sink, you turn on the faucet and splash some water onto your face. hunched over the sink, your fingers grip the edge of the counter. deep breaths, now. deep breaths. this is likely the quickest you have ever sobered up, and the sensation is rendering you dizzy.

behind you, your friends exchange concerned looks through the mirror. sakura jumps into action first, coming up behind you and placing her hands onto your shoulders. with a gentle squeeze, she murmurs, “let’s get you back to the station.”

day three.

today, the observation car is devoid of life — and so is your body after yesterday. can you overdose by taking too much ibuprofen? you’re pretty sure that you can. 

last night is but a blur in your memory with few spots of clarity, but you do vividly remember panicking in the dimly lit bathroom as the girls fretted over whether you were going to vomit all over the floor or not. you hadn’t slept much once you returned to your room after exchanging drunken hugs with your friends, assuring them that you were, indeed, not going to throw up. after a few hours of restless sleep, you’d completely given up on proper rest — you have never slept all that well with alcohol in your system, so you’re not sure why you thought this time would be any different. 

you take a seat far away from the one you took last time. clad in your pajama bottoms and an oversized t-shirt, you’re grateful that no one else is here to see you at your worst: slightly hungover with dark circles the size of dinner plates. your legs fold up onto the chair so that your knees sit near your chest, your arms looping around your shins, fingers laced together. a deep sigh. a long blink. though the rest of the sky remains an inky black, the horizon morphs into a deep purple, the color of eggplant, almost. perhaps a smidge lighter. 

a door opens, its hinges faintly squeaking, before subsequently clicking shut. figuring it must be someone older, you do not bother with checking who entered; most people your age aren’t up this early, especially not willingly. instead, you keep your eyes trained on the ever-changing sky, chin resting upon your knees.

footsteps near you, and you assume that they will pass, but then they don’t. rather, they stand right in front of you.

“may i sit here?”

you have heard this voice before, just two days ago. unsurprisingly, he stands a mere few feet away, clad in a black tank top and gray sweatpants, a long finger pointed towards a seat. similar to you, small dark circles sit beneath his eyes, but he somehow makes them work. once you nod, one corner of his lips twitches upward before he sits down, a singular seat separating your bodies. his gaze burns the side of your face; your arms wrap around your legs tighter, your unwavering stare pointed out the window. silence envelopes the train car, tense and suffocating. your lungs tighten, prickly thorns sprouting within the thin membranes. your bottom lip may begin to bleed if you keep chewing at it so carelessly.

he breaks it first, shatters it like glass colliding with the floor, with five words:

“i’m really hungover right now.”

your brows furrow. why is he trying to strike up a conversation with you? why do you want to answer him? 

he continues before you can formulate a response, “i saw you at that club last night — you looked a little sick. are you okay?”

“peachy,” you curtly mumble, lips pursing. of course he remembers you; you did pass by him, after all, basically sprinted into the bathroom with the grace of a bull in a china shop. he hasn’t mentioned the park, but you know damn well he remembers that too.

you can sense the frown from his tone, confusion lacing the edges like delicate lace. his question is careful, slowly intonated as if he’s scared of pissing you off. “uh, did i do something wrong?”

you shake your head, not a single glance spared in his direction thus far. he hasn’t. your attitude is a direct result of your own actions, your own rampant anxieties. a pang of guilt punches you in the gut — he does not deserve your bitchiness when he, quite frankly, has done nothing but exist in relative proximity to you. 

“you haven’t,” you reply, voice meek. your eyes trace over the short fibers of the plain carpet below your seat. “i’m just— i’m sorry.”

the low rumble of the train fills the air again, no further words spoken between the two of you. there’s no clear way to explain yourself further, but your apology is sincere; with a brief peek, you find him staring out the window.

“can i ask why you keep running away whenever you see me?” the query lacks an accusatory edge. rather, curiosity and interest cushion his voice. maybe…maybe he doesn’t find you that strange, after all.

and finally, after two days of avoiding his gaze, you swivel your head to face him. you find a tilted head, a single humorous, raised eyebrow. despite yourself, you begin to smile. “honestly?”

“i’d prefer honesty, yes,” he grins.

“i—” you hesitate for a moment, then continue, “i was embarrassed.” a grimace paints your face, dragging your brows down and twisting your lips. “after, y’know…”

“running away the first time?” he supplies.

your mouth flattens into a thin line, a hand moving up to scratch your cheek. “yeah, that.”

laughter reaches your ears, partially nasally. rolling your eyes, your mouth splits into a grin. 

“i get it. i feel like i definitely startled you, so no hard feelings.” he pauses, starry eyes widening in what you believe is realization, “i never got your name.”

easily, you supply it, cheeks flushing with heat when he offhandedly comments that it’s pretty. if he notices your sudden flustered state, he doesn’t comment on it, and despite the warmth now slithering down your neck, you feel yourself relax back into your seat, legs leaving their curled up position to cross at the ankle in front of you. then, he offers his own. yeonjun — at long last, you have put a name to his handsome face. 

out of nowhere, he asks, “have you had breakfast?” 

shaking your head, you gesture to your pajama bottoms. “not yet, i was going to grab some after i changed.”

“i don’t know, i think the plaid pants are pretty fashionable,” he chuckles. you join him. “c’mon, i saw an old guy wearing boxers and a shirt in there yesterday. i’m pretty sure it’ll be fine.”

you giggle, “that’s kinda gross, but alright. let’s go.”

peering out the window again, you find that the sun has just peeked above the horizon, a wash of orange fading into blue, melting together like watercolor. smiling to yourself, you stand and begin to follow yeonjun towards the dining car.

*:･

you and yeonjun had gone your separate ways hours ago, but not without exchanging contact information. since then, he hasn’t stopped texting you, his talent at keeping any conversation going shining in direct contrast to your, well, lack of said talent. however, you do find yourself replying to him with ease — he makes it so easy to do so, mostly due to the fairly unorthodox topics he likes to bring up. currently, you’re talking about the animals that scare you the most. why? because that’s the nature of yeonjun’s conversation skills, you suppose.

another voice message pops up in your chat, about ten seconds long — one of his more obvious quirks. most of his messages are sent in this form, not that you mind. his voice is as pretty as the rest of him. heart-fluttering. okay, stop. you just met this guy. 

(jennifer always does say that you fall too easily. maybe she’s right.)

pressing play, his voice enters your left ear via your single earbud. “no because hear me out: dolphins have fooled you into thinking they’re nice. manipulated you. they literally torture their prey— and they use puffer fishes to get high! i can’t make this shit up. my fear is justified, i swear.”

under your breath, you chuckle, an elbow leaned against the dining table. after a long nap, you had texted the girls to see if they’d like to get dinner with you. of course, they said yes, but you decided to get here a bit early to grab an open table. the car is already packed as it is.

“what’re you laughing at?” unexpectedly, sakura’s head appears over your shoulder, trying to catch a glimpse of your phone. out of habit, you lock it, your reflections staring back at you through the black screen. as she sits next to you, chaewon, takes the seat across from you, elbows placed on the table and her hands supporting her chin. she sends you a knowing smile.

“is that your boyfriend?” she prods. the question causes your mouth to fall open for a moment before you snap it shut. 

“no!” you exclaim. “it’s just a friend.”

“sounds like a boyfriend,” sakura surmises, exchanging a conspiratory nod with the other girl. you release a groan, hands shielding your fiery hot face before you drag them up over your hair. 

“he’s not my boyfriend,” you shoot back. “we just met today.” two days ago, actually. if you can count that.

their mouths open in tandem, shock coloring their features. is this a big deal, or something? you aren’t even dating the guy. 

“you met a guy and didn’t tell us?” sakura grasps your arm with both hands, shaking the limb with a strength that shouldn’t be possible to come from her thin body. “you should’ve told us! we can be your wingwomen!”

“wingwomen?” you echo dumbly as you stare at her. wingwomen, as in, like, jennifer-style wingwomen? as in trying too hard to set you up with someone and ultimately embarrassing you in the end wingwomen? your love for jennifer knows no bounds, but she’s ruined the term for you long ago with her terrible luck. a shudder runs down your spine, and you grin nervously. “i don’t think that’s necessary.”

“of course it is! i’ve always wanted to do that for one of my friends, but they’re all taken already,” chaewon pouts, irresistible puppy dog eyes appearing. “c’mon, please?

“i doubt he’d want to date me, though? we’ve literally only talked once, so really, it’s okay.”

“once is enough,” sakura declares, suddenly tilting her body closer to yours. “tell us, is he cute? what’s his name?”

they’re obviously not going to let this go, and you have no power to really stop them. 

sighing, you officially give up, “yeonjun, and yes, i do.” unfortunately. 

chaewon claps her hands together, an audible smack! echoing from her palms. her smile is blinding, a supernova of pearly white teeth and pink, upturned lips. “perfect! we can work with that.” 

“i already have an idea: ask him to hang out tomorrow,” sakura says, and you send her an incredulous look, glancing at chaewon for a moment to find that she’s excitedly nodding along to the idea like an excitable puppy. her round eyes sure make her resemble one.

you shake your head. “i can’t do that, it’s too forward.”

rolling her eyes, sakura tosses her hands up in the air. “too forward my ass! how do you expect to bag him?”

“i don’t!”

chaewon chimes in, an open hand reaching towards you, “alright, give us your phone. we’ll text him for you.”

“absolutely not!”

ding!

it’s comical, how all three of you pivot your wide-eyed gazes to the phone clenched in your fingers. the flash of yeonjun’s name across the screen is enough to send your table into chaos. 

“open it!”

“what did he say—”

“calm down, oh my god!” you shriek, sending an apologetic look to the couple next to you when they look over. fingers fly over your keyboard until you’ve reached his contact. words, this time, no voice message. butterflies burst into your chest.

yeonjun: do you have anything planned for tmrw? 

after scanning over the message herself, sakura pokes at your shoulder. “tell him you don’t.” 

with a deep, heavy sigh, you do as she says.

[6:37 p.m.]: not yet, why?

“that’s too dry,” chaewon comments.

“shut up, i’m trying,” you hiss. it takes him a few minutes to respond, minutes in which you internally panic. was your text really too dry? in the meantime, you place your dinner order with a kind waiter that stops by, a hearty dish that you can drown your sorrows in the not-so-off chance that this goes terribly, terribly wrong. another ping sounds from your phone’s speakers, and time stops once you read what he sent. clocks stop ticking, you stop breathing, everything around you freezes.

yeonjun: do you wanna grab coffee in the morning then? :)

sakura sends you a sharp look. “i doubt he’d want to date me — are you seeing this right now? or do you need me to spell it out for you? this is a date, babe.”

“it’s not,” you counter weakly. you only (officially) met him today, so, “it’s really not.”

day four.

contrary to what sakura claimed, this is very much not a date — but you’re happy about it. 

he keeps a respectful distance between your bodies as you walk, you pay for your own coffee, and you pull your own chair out when you go to sit down. it’s simple, it’s friendly, it’s a bit awkward, but there’s some things you have to sacrifice when making new friends. the croissant you’ve decided on is on the drier side, a little too flaky. you nibble on it anyway in a poor attempt to ignore the silence that has fallen between you once again. this is why you try to meet people through other friends; at least in those situations, you have a buffer, someone who knows you and the other person well enough that they can find connections between you without having to dig. you hate digging — you’re the worst at it, hence the stifling quiet that permeates the air now.

the café is quaint, if a bit moody thanks to the lighting. outside the window, the denver street teems with people, and you decide to survey the passing strangers rather than look at the man sitting across from you. wisps of fluffy white clouds float high above, sometimes passing over the sun. you wish you had your supplies with you — this would make for a wonderful painting. 

click!

turning your head, you find yeonjun holding a camera, the lens pointed at…you? you hadn’t noticed it prior, so you are unsure where he got it from. it looks like the same one he had at the park. a bashful smile appears as soon as he places it on the table. “sorry, the lighting was perfect. can’t ever pass up a nice shot.” you study the camera for a moment, and he takes your lack of response as a sign to continue, “once i edit it, i can definitely send you a copy. do you wanna see it?”

a photographer. yeonjun is a photographer. you’re not sure why it’s taken you this long to realize. maybe because you’ve been avoiding him up until now? you think. shaking the thought away, you smile. “i’d love to see it.”

he presses a few buttons, a focused twist to his plush lips, before he’s sliding it over to your side of the table. he’s right: it was a nice shot, and while you don’t often enjoy how you look in photographs, he’s found an angle that highlights your best features as you gaze outside, a slight part to your lips and your eyes wide open, shining. the sheer amount of contrast between the dark café and your warm-lit face scratches an itch in your brain. you can see it now — the golden pigment wetting your brush before being placed on the canvas, being blended into an umber, almost black, but not quite. a splash of umber here, a hint of red there…

“is this your job?” you decide to ask. 

the sheepish expression returns in full force, but there’s a hint of pride in his eyes. he’s proud of his work. “yeah. i’m not, like, famous or anything, but i enjoy it. my mom said that when i was a baby, they put a stethoscope, a gavel, a camera, a microphone, and a test tube in front of me, and i chose the camera, so it was basically meant to be,” he chuckles, but, realizing that you’re staring at him, he pauses for moment. crimson paints the tips of his ears; it’s a color that you’re pretty sure sits in your travel set. “sorry, was that too much?”

“not at all,” you reply softly. “that’s a lovely story, yeonjun.” 

“thanks.” shyly, he bites down on his bottom lip, sucking it between his teeth before releasing it. a beat of quiet passes, then he’s asking, “how about you? what do you do for work?”

for some reason, the question looms over your head like a storm cloud. it’s unavoidable and dark and heavy. a bitter taste fills your mouth, different from the aftertaste of your coffee, but you try not to let your sudden drop in mood show. 

“i’m an artist, though i don’t think many people would consider me one nowadays,” you snicker, but the self-deprecating edge to your words is not lost on yeonjun. 

wrinkles form in the space between his brows. “what do you mean?” 

“i…” you trail off. you should tell him. you should rip the bandaid off and quit avoiding facing it for what it is. “i haven’t finished a piece in months. i feel stuck, almost? like nothing is resonating with me, if that makes sense. it’s the whole reason i went on this trip. it’s humiliating, not being able to draw a single thing without hating it— sorry, that’s definitely too much.” 

“no, no, you’re fine,” and he’s sincere in his reassurances. he doesn’t look at you like you’re some sort of failure for how you feel. he doesn’t spew out a hollow apology to absolve him of the weight you’ve transferred to his shoulders, nor does he seem to mind that he’s helping you burden it. his hand reaches over the table, hesitant for a moment, before his fingers curl over yours, his warm skin against yours. you stare at his hand, but you don’t move away from his touch, allowing him to give your hand a delicate squeeze. looking back up, you sit frozen under his gaze. it warms your insides, melts the icy shards solidifying in your lungs that make it hard to breathe. “none of that makes you less of an artist. it’s something every artist goes through — hell, i’ve gone through it, and it’s okay to feel that way. it’s real and it sucks to feel like you can’t accomplish anything, but there’s nothing wrong with it. eventually, it will pass on its own, but until then, it’s not a sin to lean on others for support.”

tears almost, almost prick your eyes. however, you push them down; there’s no way you’re going to cry in public, in front of him. absolutely not. he squeezes your hand one more time, his thumb brushing over yours, before pulling away. “and if no one else will listen, i will.”

“thank you,” you croak out, blinking rapidly, taking a long sip of coffee in order to buy yourself a few precious seconds to cloak your emotions. a calm veil falls over your face soon enough, and while you hate to be the one to change the subject, you feel like you should. “do you want to go on a walk? it’s too nice out to stay in here all day.”

he doesn’t question the sudden change, humming in confirmation as he scoots his chair back. “it really is nice out. do you have any other plans?”

“not really,” you say, pushing the door open. the warm breeze caresses your face. “i’m trying to be spontaneous—”

“y/n!”

sakura and chaewon appear to your left, each carrying a couple bags that look to be stuffed with clothes. you vaguely remember them mentioning going thrifting, but you didn’t know that they’d be in the same part of the city as you. chaewon comes in for a hug, whispering into your ear, “he’s cute.”

glancing up at yeonjun, sakura feigns ignorance, “who’s this?” 

thus, your friends meet the one man you’d rather keep them away from, if only to prevent their wingwomen shenanigans. you have zero clue what they have planned, but you’re sure none of it can be good. 

“we were just on our way to the botanical gardens,” chaewon sings. “if you’d like to join usss.”

wordlessly, you and yeonjun communicate, only raised eyebrows and tilted chins. somehow, you understand exactly what he’s trying to convey. do you want to? do you? i don’t mind if you don’t. alright, let’s do it.

when you do arrive at the gardens, yeonjun’s fingers find your wrist, holding you back for a moment. his free hand gestures to the camera hanging around his neck. “mind being my model for the day?”

you blink. you, his model? “oh, um. i think chae and kkura are a bit more qualified—”

“no way,” he laughs. “i’m the professional here, and i want you. no one else will do.”

i want you — god, those three, simple words send a visceral shiver down your spine. a want, a need, an overwhelming desire for…you’re not even sure, but something all-consuming blooms behind your sternum like a moonflower in the night. with a coy dip of your head, you smile to yourself, allowing the feeling to surge through your veins, consume every fiber of your being.

“alright, mr. professional. lead the way.”

*:･

it’s early in the evening when you return to the station in a giddy haze, arm looped around yeonjun’s. the photo session had been a success; by the end, you were drunk on the compliments he aimed your way, on the way he treated you like glass as he directed you into a specific pose, the fleeting sensation of his fingertips pressing into your skin burned into your memory. 

closing the door to your room, you press your back into it, squeal into your palms like you did when you were sixteen and harboring a silly little crush. because that’s all it is right now, really: a foolish crush on a man that you probably won’t see again after this trip. you can fantasize all you want, but in the end, that’s what it is. those invading negative thoughts get drowned out by the movie playing behind your eyelids — a replay of the day. you swear you can feel every touch of his skin against yours, every ray of sunshine that kissed your skin and gifted you its warmth. scurrying over to your bag, you locate your supplies. 

and you begin to paint. 

a flurry of lilacs, a blurry figure among them all, defined only by a flowing white button up and brown, wide leg trousers, black streaks of hair and nothing more. yellow daffodils and vibrant emerald sweetgrass take shape, a cerulean sky, fluffy clouds. it’s messy and you kind of hate it, but it’s something. something is on the canvas, it’s dynamic, it has character.

“okay,” you mumble, staring at the brushstrokes, going over them again and again. “okay.”

day five.

“can i draw you?” 

a spur of the moment question, borne from the golden sunset gracing his cheeks, highlighting strands of his hair. the day has passed quietly today, mostly spent in your room sketching to your heart’s content. though mostly inconsequential doodles paired with terribly cheesy words of prose that even your most romantic friends would scrunch their noses at, these exercises in creating without a specific goal in mind seem to be helping. a part of that gray fog over your world has been wafted away by an invisible hand, and everything is a bit more vibrant, closer to its true hue; while nothing about your creations are particularly special or groundbreaking, going on this trip is now beginning to prove its worth. 

yeonjun’s head tilts, and you shrug. “what? i need practice.”

“okay, as long as you promise to show me afterward,” he challenges, and you immediately shake your head. 

“i’m only going to show it to you if it turns out well,” you decide. you think back to the painting sitting in your room, still a bit wet, the paint overworked to hell. that one is staying a secret. it’s not good enough to be known by anyone else — and certainly not by him.

“then no deal.” when you give him a pleading look, he raises his hands. “i show you my pictures, you show me what’s going on in that sketchbook, it’s only fair.”

“fine,” you hiss, fishing your sketchbook from your bag. “get comfortable, and don’t even think about moving.”

“harsh.”

with a suppressed grin, you take in the planes of his face. he’s shifted to face you, intent eyes trained on you, which makes your job harder. gulping, you raise an arm, mapping out his proportions with a thumb. the process of pressing intentional marks into the page is a slow one, exacerbated by his unwavering stare. you have to look out at the mountains every once in a while to allow oxygen back into your lungs, and even then, the action proves difficult. graphite scratching paper is backed by the low murmur of other passengers in the observation car as you work, capturing the fading light that casts shadows across his face. however, your creative juices quickly run out, likely sapped by your painting escapade that extended far into the night. the shape of his eyes isn’t quite right, and no matter how much you erase and try again, there’s always a slight detail off about it. too narrow, too round, too—

the tip of the pencil snaps, the point rolling across the page and falling onto the floor. you curse under your breath. 

“is it done?” yeonjun asks, leaning forward. his hands gently take your sketchbook from your lap before you can protest, and you watch as his expression shifts from neutral to slack-jawed. 

“that’s…you’re…wow,” he starts, then never finishes. he still hasn’t torn his wide eyes away from the page, flitting around as he drinks in every miniscule detail, while you pinpoint every single thing wrong with the drawing.

“it’s bad,” you deadpan. “give it back, i need to fix it.”

he frowns. you seem to make him do that a lot. “there’s nothing to fix.”

“there’s everything to fix.”

“it’s literally a carbon copy of me,” he counters. “you’re crazy.”

“says the one who can’t see the shape of his eyes right now. the lash line isn’t straight enough at the top, the nose isn’t quite right, the hair lacks form. it’s terrible.”

for the first time since you met him, yeonjun is annoyed. eyes narrowed and dark, he locks his gaze into yours, throws away the key. you can’t move while he tosses the worn sketchbook back into your lap, a hand running through his hair, locks raising with his fingers and flopping back down into his face.

“i know what it’s like to be your own worst critic,” he says, voice soft like a lullaby, standing in direct contrast to his firm expression. “but it’s one thing to be critical of your art, and another to resent it. you’re a wonderful artist, y/n. talented isn’t enough to describe you, but negativity is going to get you nowhere. it holds you back.”

he’s right — you loathe that he is, and you more so hate how he sounds just like jennifer. your nails skirts the fraying edge of the leather cover in your laps, picking at it like you would with skin, peeling cracked flakes off to reveal a soft underbelly of lighter-colored suede. wine red versus warm tan. you feel like you’re being admonished, a child who’s misbehaved. you feel small, but at the same time, you need to hear it. you’ve been coddled enough. 

“i used to hate my stuff too, y’know. never thought it was ever that special, but that’s what made me underestimate myself. that’s what made me settle for less, that’s what made me lock my camera away in my closet for the longest time until i felt i was ‘ready’ to use it — but who was i to say i was ready? how do you know when you are? honestly, you don’t. you won’t ever know. all you can do is create and create and hope that you eventually make something that you’re proud of. until then, you keep trying, you figure out what’s working, what isn’t, and go from there. in the end, everything you create is a reflection of you, and that’s the beautiful thing about art. it bares your soul, it strips you down to the rawest parts of yourself that you may despise right now — but it’s still you. and don’t you think you deserve to give yourself some grace?”

his words strike a place deep within you, an ache beginning in the center of your chest and snaking out like the roots of a tree into your stomach and throat. you do deserve some grace, don’t you? you don’t spew venomous words towards your friends or strangers every day, yet you do it to yourself without a second thought. why? you bring yourself and your skills down any chance that you get. why? your art is merely an extension of yourself — is this how you forever want to feel whenever you are drawing? whenever you’re sculpting a piece? no, not at all. your head raises. 

“have you ever thought about becoming a public speaker?”

he lets out an incredulous scoff, but there’s still an inkling of teasing in his tone, “is that all you got from my mini speech? i thought it was amazing. life-changing, even.”

“no,” you deny with a tight-chested laugh. “but there’s not much more to add. you’ve said it all for me.”

the passing mountains are purple now, the greenery a muted magenta. in this moment, you decide the yeonjun is an enigma; untouchable, unreachable — standing too close to his bright, technicolor world would burn your muted one to the ground. if you are icarus, then he is the sun sending you plummeting down into oblivion.

but you want to touch him, you want to burn.

you want to feel alive again.

“let me draw you again,” and maybe it won’t be your best. maybe the slope of his chin will be crooked, maybe the intrinsic sparkle in his eyes won’t be quite right, but there’s a conviction present in your tone that causes him to smile.

day six.

“are you really trying to have a dick measuring contest with the seals right now?”

san francisco’s iconic pier 39 is abustle with tourists, but you and yeonjun are currently at the very back of the pier, where seals soak in the sun on little wooden docks constructed just for them. at the moment, yeonjun is trying to out-seal the seals with loud barks and hoots, mimicking their distinctive sounds. yeonjun is still making noises, people are starting to stare, and you are beginning to want to climb over the wooden fence and jump straight into the ocean. 

“yeonjun, please stop,” you plead, hands gripping the sleeve of his t-shirt, yet he doesn’t stop, honking back at the seals once they respond. you tug a bit harder. “c’mon, people are staring. the seals don’t care how loud you are, you’re not proving anything.”

“i’m proving a lot of things right now, actually,” he quips before he’s going back to making noises that are unbecoming of a human being. this feels like a cruel form of exposure therapy.

you try pulling at his sleeve again. “c’mon, yeonjun.” and again. “yeonjun!”

“okay, okay, i’ll stop,” he cackles, turning to face you. he’s close — too close to be considered platonic. his hands could come up and hold your waist right now, pull you closer into his chest. it causes you to take a step back, and it’s as if he can sense the heat radiating from your cheeks, leaning down towards you with a smirk. “you embarrassed?”

“of course i’m embarrassed,” you hiss. “how are you not?”

shaking his head, his grin grows impossibly wider. “if i buy you lunch, will you forgive me?” 

pretending to think, you look off to the side, then back to him. of course you will. “maybe.”

“i’ll take that as a yes,” he laughs as he falls into step next to you. the air is much cooler here than at your other stops, a gray blanket of fog rolling in on the horizon that cuts into the clear blue sky. he sends you a hopeful look as he asks, “y’feeling clam chowder?”

with a tiny shrug, you confess that you’ve never had it before. with a dramatic hand placed against his chest, he gasps, “you live in the northeast, and you’ve never tried it? that has to be some sort of crime.”

chowder hut is his restaurant of choice, a circular, well, hut that sits by its lonesome across from the infamous pier. it’s a place he used to go when he lived in san jose and took day trips here with his cousins, he claims. the restaurant holds a lot of fond memories for him, this whole city does. you wonder what those memories entail.

“i got you a small one in case you don’t like it,” yeonjun says as soon as he returns with your food. a tray is placed in front of you: a round sourdough loaf carved into to create a bowl, filled with cream-colored, steaming-hot chowder thick with chunks of potatoes, pieces of bacon, and, of course, clams. digging a spoon in, you take your first bite — clean, briny, slightly sweet, bursting across your taste buds like tiny little firecrackers. your eyes widen at the taste, buzzing in delight against the spoon poised to your lips. he grins. “it’s good, right?” 

you hum in agreement, swallowing another spoonful. you’re crazy for never having tried this before. twenty-four years of living, and you had no idea what you were missing out on. you’ve missed out on a long of things, it seems, but you’re beginning to catch up on them with the help of yeonjun — as well as sakura and chaewon, of course. you could never forget about them.

“you’re forever going to be connected to clam chowder in my mind now, i hope you know that,” you say, tearing into the walls of the bread bowl. the remnants of the salty chowder have soaked into the bowl, mixing perfectly with the tanginess of the bread. yeah, you wouldn’t forget this in a million years; it’s too delicious to forget. 

“you do that too?” he asks. you send him a questioning glance. “like, connect people to food.”

“yeah, i guess i do,” you ponder. “my mom reminds me of this one dish she always made me as a kid. my best friend reminds me of wine, since that’s what we drank when we first met. it’s also her favorite. and now you…remind me of clam chowder.”

he chuckles, “great, i’ll always be the clam chowder guy to you.”

you giggle back. “it’s not a bad title to hold. you could be, i don’t know, the terrible clam chowder guy.”

“fair enough. i’ll take it,” he declares before he shoves the last piece of his bread bowl into his mouth. his cheeks puff out, similar to a chipmunk, and you resist the urge to chuckle at the image in your head. “now that i think about it, i don’t do it with just people — a lot of my fondest memories are connected to food, too. something human about it, y’know? food is its own form of love. or, at least, i think it is.”

“no, i completely agree. there’s something special about sharing food with others — it’s kinda intimate, i guess? especially if you’re cooking for someone, those are some of the most vivid memories for me.” 

nodding along with you, he’s leaning forward, elbows resting against the table. the corners of his lips quirk up. “you get it. the intimacy of it, i mean. my mom has always said that food is the best way to a person’s heart — food brings people together. it’s amazing.”

“yeah,” you beam. “it really is.”

for a moment, conversation ceases, the two of you smiling at each other, leaning forward over the table. your mouth opens to speak, but a loud caw draws your attention away from his hypnotizing eyes. you watch a seagull swoop in to harass a man that sits two tables over, his glasses skewed on his face as he tries to keep the bird from stealing his food. arms wave everywhere while the seagull screeches at him, flapping its wings on top of the man’s head. after a brief second of shock, the sight has you nearly doubling over with laughter, unflattering shrieks sounding from your throat. it takes a minute for your giggles to subside. while you wipe a tear from your lash line, you look back at him — and freeze.

he’s staring at you like you hung the stars in the sky, chin supported by his palm. his mouth curves into something serene and fond, hooded eyes scanning your face as you stare back. you’re no longer smiling, mouth parted as you wait for him to say something, anything. he doesn’t, so you move to break the intense air brewing between you.

“is…is something wrong?” with a flinch, his eyes blink rapidly for a second, coming back into focus. he sits up straighter, leaning into the back of his chair.

“i just— nevermind. sorry, spaced out there for a second,” his chin dips towards his chest before rising again, the tips of his ears flushing cherry. he looks nervous, almost. “um, if you’re up for it later, we could grab dinner at this korean restaurant i used to go to? it reminds me a lot of my parents. i think you’d like it.” 

while you’d rather ask where his head is at right now, what he was going to say before he stopped himself so abruptly, you say, “i’d love that.”

*:･

he was right, you do like it. 

the restaurant is cozy, a little hole-in-the-wall in the heart of the city where less tourists roam. the food is delicious, flavorful meats and fluffy rice and various veggie side dishes that you can’t stop eating. as he snaps some photos of the place, he tells you the decor reminds him of restaurants in seoul, of the mom-and-pop shops he’d frequent there. that at some point or other, some of the owners would start recognizing him when he came in and gave him extra food free of charge. 

“so you lived there for a while? in korea?” you ask as you watch him some meat for the two of you to share. the action is second nature to him, each piece staying on the grill for the same amount of time, flipped only once. you bring a piece to your mouth — it’s perfectly cooked.

“i was born there, in a town near seoul,” he says through a mouthful of rice. “moved around a bit, but i lived in seoul for most of it ‘til i was eighteen. then i moved to new york for college, but dropped out after two semesters to pursue photography. it’s been six years since i moved to the states.”

“you said you lived in san jose for a while earlier.” you tilt your head at him. “when was that?”

“ah,” he starts. “i studied abroad when i was in elementary school and stayed with some family there— do you want some more meat? i can order more.”

your meat supply has dwindled down to two pieces. there’s still room in your stomach, so you nod. “sure.”

he calls over the sole server on shift, speaking to him rapidly in his native tongue. the server glances over at you for a brief second before focusing back on yeonjun. out of their entire conversation, you recognize one word: friend. it’s a term that jennifer taught you a while ago, one that has stuck with you because she now likes to jokingly call you that every now and then. an inside joke between the two of you.

when the server leaves, yeonjun is left a flustered mess. your eyebrows raise. “why’s your face so red? what’d he say?”

“nothing! it’s just from the kimchi! it’s really spicy here,” he quickly claims before he’s gulping down half a glass of water. you, quite frankly, don’t buy it for a second, but choose not to pry. 

day seven.

of course, at least one thing has to go wrong on a trip like this. mechanical problems with the train has rendered everyone stuck in the golden city until tomorrow morning, at which another train will take over the rest of the trip. the station is across the bay, so amtrak has given every passenger a voucher to pay for a night’s stay at various hotels across the city — customer’s choice, no less. to be safe, you choose the one closest to the bar chaewon and sakura want to check out tonight. once you told yeonjun where you decided to stay, he used his voucher there as well. he wants to stay near you, he says, to make it easy to find each other.

today, the girls join you and yeonjun at pier 39. they partake in bread bowls, they watch yeonjun embarrass himself at the seal docks, they send you knowing looks when he pays for your food. when yeonjun finds a street performer with a dance mat and wastes no time in starting a battle against the guy, they tell you that he’s trying to impress you.

“he’s not,” you whisper to them. “that’s just how he is. i promise.”

night begins to fall, and they suggest going to a bar for dinner, more for the drinks and not the food. you accept, and in turn, so does yeonjun — though you immediately regret not thinking the decision through more. the bar is dangerous. not in an external hazard sense, but in more of a you’re scared of getting drunk and vomiting your blossoming feelings onto his shoes type of sense. you keep your drinking to a minimum, still on your first drink an hour in. next to you, however, yeonjun is starting to collapse in on himself, hunched over the counter of the bar as his third drink kicks in. a giggle bubbles up from your throat. you never pegged him to be a lightweight. 

“let’s get you some water,” you gently suggest, a comforting hand on his shoulder. waving the bartender over, you ask for a glass, helping him sit up and take a sip. his chin falls onto your shoulder this time, eyes hazy as he looks up at you with a dopey smile. 

“you’re really pretty, did y‘know that?” he slurs, leaning further into you as an arm wraps around your waist. his barstool screeches across the floor, shifting closer to yours. you freeze as shock fills your veins, nerve endings beneath his touch on fire. he pokes your warm cheek. “s’pretty.”

you blink. hard. “yeonjun, you’re drunk—”

“no ‘m not. ’m perfectly— ‘m perfectly fine,” the words stumble out of his pouty lips drenched in fatigue, his tone whiny and petulant, as he turns in his seat to wrap his other arm around your waist, forehead now sagging against your shoulder. your body stiffens up, tense muscles frozen in place as he continues his delirious ramblings. 

“i need to go to the bathroom!” you all of sudden exclaim, attempting to pry his arms off of you. he only squeezes you tighter, whining how you can’t leave here alone. you sigh, patting his hair, “you could wait outside?”

he accepts the offer, but doesn’t remove his arm from your waist as both of you stand. despite his almost six foot tall frame, you are forced to support him as he stumbles along towards the bathrooms and pray that you don’t twist an ankle in the process. when you reach the women’s bathroom, he still doesn’t let go. 

“nooo, don’t leave meeee,” he whines, pulling you back into his chest while your hand grips the door handle. calling his name, you slip your hands beneath his and grab them to pull them off of you.

“i’ll be right back, i promise,” you say once you situate him against the wall, his shoulder hunched and his head hanging down towards his chest. you give him a worried pat on his head before disappearing into the bathroom. in reality, you do not have to go. instead, you stand in front of the mirror, taking in your blown out eyes, feeling a scorching heat encase your face and spread down towards your chest. he’s drunk, you remind yourself. he doesn’t know what he’s saying. 

you wash your hands once. twice. three times, allowing the cool water to run over your heated skin. you splash some on the back of your neck. calm down. calm the fuck down. 

you are, indeed, not able to calm the fuck down before a flurry of knocks reverbates against the door. yeonjun’s voice follows soon after, asking if he can come in, if you’re okay. “why have you been gone for so longggg? i miss you!”

“no! don’t come in!” you yell, glad that all of the stalls are vacant. making your way back over to the exit, you wrench open the door and find him standing there, fist raised in the air as if he was going to knock again. 

he blinks once. then, an impossibly wide grin splits his face. “you’re back!”

stepping forward, you allow the door to swing shut behind you. arms wrap around you once again, but this time, you stumble backwards into the wall. when you look up, his face is just above yours. 

oh.

oh, fuck. 

this feels like a repeat of day one all over again, you trapped under his gaze, but this lacks the distance of that day. the unfamiliarity with each other. his hands haven’t left your waist, fingers pressing into your flesh over your thin dress, while the wall presses into your back. you have nowhere to go, but maybe you’re more drunk than you initially thought, because his lips look very inviting right now. you watch his eyes trail down to your parted lips, then back to your eyes, tongue darting out to swipe over his bottom lip. his eyelids hood his dark, hazy pupils. the muscles in his neck contract, his adam’s apple bobbing as he leans closer, an electric attraction between your lips. you tilt your head, eye fluttering shut, moving closer, closer…

“y/n! there you are!” 

yeonjun jumps away from you as chaewon rushes up to you. her hands find your shoulders as she cries, “kkura twisted her ankle really bad! can you help me?”

you turn your head towards yeonjun, then back to chaewon, whose wide, rounded eyes plead you to come with her. “okay,” you say softly. “let’s go.”

yeonjun follows close behind, and all you can think of is what would have happened if chaewon didn’t show up. sakura’s ankle ends up being fine, and getting her back to her hotel room isn’t too difficult given the close proximity of the hotel. 

*:･

four days. four days you have known yeonjun, but it feels like it’s been years since you met each other. that fact strikes fear into your heart, remembering that the last time that this fast burn of feelings in your heart occurred, you ended up a brokenhearted mess for months. if yeonjun is the sun, his overwhelming heat melting you down into a puddle, then beomgyu was a black hole, all-consuming and ripping pieces of you away when he abruptly up and left. you’re unsure if you can go through that again, but at the same time, yeonjun doesn’t give off the impression of a drifter who wouldn’t tell you he’s leaving until after the fact. he’s a constant, a steady fortress. reliable, enduring. 

“good night,” yeonjun murmurs, both of you standing in front of your door. 

“good night,” you parrot back, rocking back on your heels, but you don’t really want him to go. knowing that isn’t realistic, you settle for opening your arms up towards him. for the first time, he hugs you good night, his lithe arms wrapping around your waist while he presses a drunken kiss into the crown of your head, and a feeling of being home washes over you. 

day eight.

he sits closer to you now. no longer is there a gap that separates your bodies, a full chair between the two of you. now, he sits right next to you, thigh brushing against your own. his hand sometimes finds your knee, never too high on your leg, never uncomfortable. just…there, his thumb rubbing soothing circles into the skin. neither of you mention what transpired between you last night, his affectionate words, the mere centimeters that separated your lips before chaewon interrupted. nevertheless, an unspoken barrier between you has broken, its bricks torn down by the hands of intoxication — due to alcohol, but also because of each other.

the almost-kiss replays in your mind in a constant loop; the woody citrus of his cologne is still strong in your nose, the warmth radiating from his flushed cheeks a phantom against your skin. you want to talk about it. you want to rip open the memory like a pomegranate for the two of you to share, but you don’t. you don’t know what you would do if you ruined…whatever this is that you and him have going on. he’s become a sort of constant in your life that you don’t think you can live without. you like him; you can admit it now. what you feel is not just a mere attraction anymore, an artistic appreciation for his unique features. he brings out a brighter part of you, a part that has been buried deep into your soul over the years, beneath layers of grime and dirt and negative experiences that you won’t let go of. the gray film over your eyes has been wiped clean by him, him and his beautiful heart he so easily bares to others. his heart that is so full of love — love for being alive, love for others — you wonder if any of that love could ever be for you one day.

he watches you sketch, you let him snap photos of you doing so. you share a small bag of chips, greasy fingers brushing against each other during those times in which you both reach in tandem. for hours, you sit together in a silence that is no longer awkward, but soft and tender. shoulder against shoulder, skin against skin. words aren’t required, your actions speaking for themselves. you bask in it all.

day nine.

the space needle isn’t that impressive.

you’re sure it’s a much better experience when you’re at the top, but yeonjun shares a fear of heights with you, so there’s no way in hell either of you are going up there. instead, you stand beneath it, amongst an ever-moving sea of seattleites and tourists, and wait for chaewon and sakura to come back down from the tall building. 

at the beginning of this trip, you’d allow for a few feet of space between your bodies, but slowly, it’s diminished to a scant few inches. you don’t really register this gradual change, as natural as it was. every once in a while, his pinky brushes against yours. neither you nor yeonjun move to do anything about it, either by pulling away or linking them together — a state of limbo that is befitting for a pair of strangers falling for each other. to make the dive into the unknown or to stay on the surface where it’s safe, that is the question.

“how much longer do you think they’ll be?” you ask, staring up at the pointed top of the tower. the sky is gray today, a bit chilly, but it’s an expected sight in washington during this time of year. “i’m getting hungry.”

yeonjun huffs a laugh, lightly elbowing your bicep. “maybe we could grab something real quick. i saw this taco truck nearby—”

“y/n? is that you?”

you’d recognize that deep timbre anywhere. the man that dropped your heart on the floor and vanished from the earth before he could watch the aftermath, the man that you never wished to see ever again.

turning around, you find beomgyu.

your phone slips from your hand, clattering against the concrete — but you can’t bring yourself to check if the screen has shattered. instead, yeonjun grabs it for you, rising with it as he anxiously asks if you’re okay. you don’t answer, too busy staring at the man now standing before you. he’s changed; his shorter hair has grown out past his ears, dyed a warm brown, though his black roots are apparent; soft pastel pullovers and light jeans have been swapped out for black slacks and a dark brown leather jacket, clothing choices more mature than when you last saw him. why is he here? you thought he lived in san francisco — you would’ve been less shocked to run into him there, but in seattle? 

“i moved here a few months ago.” shit, did you say that out loud? “i could ask you the same thing.”

“i’m on a trip,” you quickly answer, no further explanation leaving your mouth. 

he nods nonchalantly. you think you see his eyes flit to yeonjun for a second. “cool, cool.” 

“yeah.” why won’t he walk away already? your feet are glued to the cement, jaw tense as you try not to cry. the memory of him texting you that he had left the city and things between you won’t work out come rushing back. why now? how can he show his face to you after all he’s done?

he nods again. “are you here for long?”

“just— just for today.”

“well, i’d love to catch up with you before you leave. i’ve missed you a lot. maybe we could grab dinner tonight?” his smile is soft, hopeful — manipulative, in a way.

“i’m actually pretty busy today,” you begin, but of course, you have no idea how to tell him no. “but maybe if i’m free later.”

“great!” he exclaims, hands now in his trouser pockets. he looks over at yeonjun again, the upward curve of his lips flattening. “i need to get going, but i’ll text you later. you still have my number, right?”

“i think so.”

“cool.” his smile grows excited. “see you later, then.” beomgyu turns to walk away with a confidence in his strut that he didn't have when he lived in new york. when he was dating you. how shameless can he be? soon enough, he disappears into the crowd. blinking, you wonder if that really just happened, turning back toward yeonjun. his jaw is set, eyes still staring at the point where beomgyu vanished. the gray clouds feel suffocating now. the cool air constricts your lungs. you want the cement to open up and swallow you when his hardened eyes turn to you.

“who was that?” yeonjun asks, tone casual, but there’s a…jealous? edge to his question. you’re looking into things too much — there’s no way he’s jealous right now. 

“...my ex,” and it hurts you to admit it. his eyes darken as he utters a soft “oh.” you sigh, “yeah.”

he won’t look at you anymore. why won’t he? you didn’t do anything wrong. you had no control over beomgyu showing up. he purses his lips. “are you gonna meet up with him?”

your head shakes on its own, words escaping before you can think about them. “i don’t know, yeonjun.” 

“okay.” biting his lip, he turns so that he faces the space needle again, stepping away from you. you feel like strangers again, an ocean of distance between you bodies. “yeah, okay.”

*:･

you don’t meet up with beomgyu.

meanwhile, yeonjun is nowhere to be found. after the beomgyu incident, the two of you waited in tense silence for your other friends to return. he then made up some lame excuse to leave, and didn’t turn back when you called his name. you haven’t seen him for the rest of the day, even when you return to the train. he won’t respond to your texts. eventually, you stop sending them; he obviously needs space for whatever reason, so you will give him it. 

the terrible, painful thought of ruining everything you had with him sits in the forefront of your mind, taunting you. the girls try to distract you, showing you silly tiktoks and youtube videos and the like, but you simply offer them a half-hearted huff each time. once you explain what transpired while they were gone, however, their tune changes a bit. 

“y/n, i’m going to be very honest, and i need you not to take it personally,” sakura replies. though your head lays on top of your folded arms, you signal that you are listening with a bob of your head. she continues, “your response wasn’t the best. it probably confused him, and now he doesn’t know if you’re still hung up on this guy or not. if one of his exes came up to him while with you, and he told you he didn’t know if he was going to meet up with them later or not, how would you feel?”

“shitty,” you mumble into your forearm. 

“exactly. so give him space for now, and when he reaches out, explain and apologize. you owe him that much.” sakura sounds just like jennifer — they’d definitely get along. 

“i know. i will.”

the waiter comes around with water, and you order a strong cocktail to go along with your dinner.

day ten.

“has he texted you back yet?” sakura asks for the thousandth time today.

when you shoot her a defeated glare, she gets her answer. no, of course he hasn’t. he hasn’t responded to you since he left. “you said to give him space.”

“yeah, but i didn’t know he’d fall off the face of the earth,” she shoots back. sighing, you tip your head back against the wall next to her bed. a lake passes outside, surrounded by tall grass and trees. small hills rise behind the blue expanse, but you don’t feel the same urge to grab your sketchbook and translate the view onto the page anymore. it’s funny, how easily one person can affect your mood, turn everything upside down with the mere lack of his presence in your life. 

“he just needs time.” chaewon opens a can of soda with a pop! and takes a sip. “maybe it affected him more than we realize.”

“‘cause that makes me feel sooo much better.” sarcasm drips from your voice. “i’m such a fucking idiot.”

there’s a half-day stop in glacier national park tomorrow. will you see him, or is he going to avoid you for the rest of this trip? will you ever see him again? the emotions that swirl within you are reminiscent of how you felt before you met him. that grayness. that sinking sensation festering in your chest that claws it’s way down into your stomach and shreds it apart. you said that you wanted to burn, you wanted it to hurt, but this feels all too fast. too much.

sakura makes a noise in disagreement. “no, it shows that he cares about you. you just have to make sure you clear things up with him, and tell him that you like—”

“if you’re going to tell me that i need to confess my feelings to him, i really don’t think i can do that.”

“why?” chaewon prods. “what’s stopping you? he obviously likes you too.”

beomgyu. beomgyu is the fucking reason why. you can’t bare your heart to someone again, lest you get hurt all over again. after all that has happened, if yeonjun doesn’t reciprocate, it will confirm your worst fears — that you aren’t built to receive love, no matter how hard you try to mold yourself into a person that is deserving. dread churns in your stomach, rises into your throat like bile, acidic and fervid, as thoughts of worst case scenarios where you pour your heart only to hear “sorry, i don’t feel the same way.” you can’t do it. you can’t allow yourself to spiral again. however, you don’t divulge your reasons for holding back, remaining silent as you trace the patterns on the ceiling. 

after a deep, shuddering sigh, you give them a three word explanation: “i don’t know.”

day eleven.

stepping off of the train into fresh air sharpens your dulled senses. the national park is beautiful, for lack of better words; thickets of trees spreading out in all directions as far as the see. the sun is rising over the mountains that stretch high above your head — you’re starting to enjoy this view more than the lifeless skyscrapers that await you back home. the train station looks more like a little lodge than an actual station, but you appreciate its quaint character. reddish-brown wood makes up the majority of the small-scale building. it looks like a place where people would spend the night in, with a warm, cozy fireplace in the wintertime, and wide open windows in the summer to allow the refreshing breeze to waft in.

meandering down the path behind the station into a field of tall grass littered with bunches of tiny, white flowers, you begin to reflect on everything that has happened on this trip. originally, you went on this stupid trip with the goal to find inspiration, and last night you had a very important realization: yeonjun is that something — you started drawing again because of him, you started looking on the bright side of things because of him, and most important of all, you fell for him. you didn’t just fall for him in the way an artist falls for their muse, no. you fell for him as a person. getting to know him has been one of the best parts of your trip, but now all of that has gone down the drain because yeonjun hasn’t responded to you in over twenty-four hours and you have not a clue what to do to try to make things right. if he doesn’t wish to speak to you, then that’s that. it’s over. whatever momentum this fleeting relationship had has been effectively pummeled into the dust that would blow away with even the gentlest of breezes. 

you wish you could appreciate this view more. your paints sit in your backpack back in your room, out of sight so that you don’t have to think about them, nor hear their pleas to be used. although you now know why you lack the drive to paint and draw and generally create once again, no clear-cut solution to your problem comes to mind. instead, you wander through the grass towards a large, squatty boulder, climb on top of it, and plop down. your knees curl up towards your chest while your arms wrap around them, fingers tracing random patterns against your shins. fatigue solidifies in your bones, but the tranquility of the early morning the quiet tucks a blanket of peace over your body, swaddling the edges around you, cocooning you in.

you sit there, taking in the sounds and sights of nature, for hours. the chirping of birds sings a melody over the whisper of trees in the breeze. a deer leaps across the open field, disappearing into the trees, her fawn following close behind. bighorn sheep graze in the distance, their circular horns reminding you of cornucopias. 

the rustle of trees and grass obscure the sound of approaching footsteps from your ears. it’s not until yeonjun begins to climb onto the boulder that you notice him. you hug your legs tighter to your body as he sits next to you, but not too close. an invisible wall separates you. he does not look remotely near your direction, his focus far out in the trees. staring at him, you wonder what to say. i’m sorry? i have feelings for you?

“i never met up with him.”

he still doesn’t spare you a glance. assuming he wants you to continue, you do. “i don’t know why i said what i said, but it was shitty of me to put you in that position, and i wanted to say that i’m sorry. i was just shocked, i guess. to see him. he ruined my perception of a lot of things, jjun.” jjun. that’s a new one. you are quite unsure where it came from, it slipped out before you could think. no matter, he’s looking at you now, and it’s your turn to look out towards the horizon. “trust, commitment, love…”

his gaze burns into your temple. you take a deep breath, fingers clenching the fabric of your jeans. “they’ve all been ruined for me. it’s hard for me to trust anyone after what he did. i’m terrified that the people i grow close to will wake up one day and leave me without a word. i’m scared that i’ll never get the closure i deserve when they do. worst of all, i’ve stopped believing that love is in the cards for me, like there has to be something wrong with me for him to have left me like that—”

“don’t. don’t you dare say that about yourself.” whipping your head around, you finally meet eyes for the first time in nearly two days. they aren't soft like they usually are when they look at you, but hardened, guarded. “there’s nothing wrong with you. you have every right to be hurt, and he’s honestly a piece of shit for doing that to you, but it’s unfair to assume that everyone that comes after him will be just like him.”

“i know, and i’m sorry. i know you’re not like him.” he doesn’t respond, and you begin to chew at the inside of your cheek. you watch an ant crawl its way across the rock beneath you. the small insect disappears over the edge. 

silence. you begin to count the seconds. one, two, three, four—

“i’m sorry for not texting you back. i just needed time to think about things. a lot of things,” he starts. “i felt weird, for some reason. didn’t know how to talk to you about it.”

you offer him a tight-lipped smile. “no, i understand. i forgive you.”

important words remain unspoken, but both of you refuse to address them. instead, his hand finds yours, he links your fingers with his, and both of you peacefully watch the sheep graze across the field.

day twelve.

not everything is fixed yet. 

despite being on speaking terms again, strain pulls your relationship taut. the unspoken words from yesterday hang heavy in the air, but you can’t bring yourself to give them a voice. you want to. your voice won’t work every time you try.

sitting next to yeonjun on his bed, you scroll through various forms of social media, bookmarking work that you find particularly interesting in between catching up on your friends’ posts. jennifer has been thoroughly caught up on what’s been going on after a long overdue apology for not responding to her texts. she understood, of course she did. she’s known you long enough to know how you can shut down whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed. 

“i’m proud of you for telling him. i know it’s hard for you to share, honey,” she cooed to you over the phone last night. “but you need to tell him how you feel before it’s too late.”

you know that. you know damn well that once you get off this train, it may all fall apart, a budding romance distinguished by reality. there’s no security, no safety net for you to fall into if you take the leap, and while he showed you an inkling of how he felt yesterday, who’s to say he’ll feel that way tomorrow? the next day? are you willing to tear your heart open for him to consume if there’s still a chance of him throwing it away when all is said and done? 

you don’t know the answer to that question. honestly, you don’t know the answer to a lot of those questions, stuck in this state of self-imposed purgatory. to rise or fall, what is the best choice? you don’t fucking know.

“is that yours?” he asks from over your shoulder, at a ceramic piece in your feed made by one of jennifer’s acquaintances. his breath snakes warmly over the expanse of your neck due to his proximity, his head so close you could turn and just kiss him— 

stop it. 

“oh, no. um.” you shift away from him slightly. distance. some distance feels more comfortable right now. “i don’t sculpt. i just paint, and draw.”

he makes an ahhh of understanding, leaning back onto his palms, the mattress sinking down with his weight. he’s staring at you like he expects something from you. what shall you give him? when you don’t say anything further, he does. 

“can i see some of yours, then?” it’s an innocent enough request. rather than simply press on your account, your fingers move on their own until you reach your gallery. why? are you really about to bare your soul to him? you guess so, because he’s gently taking your phone from your fingers after gaining quiet permission from you. 

he asks you questions as he pulls up certain pieces. the thought process behind each one, what made you do this, place that color there, how you came up with the composition, what the meaning of it all is. you try your best to explain each one. sometimes, your choices were the product of spontaneity. you thought yellow would look nice at that spot, so you put some there. her nose is crooked because it gives the piece more character. the color of the drapes in the background are blue for no particular reason other than the fact that your reference photo had blue drapes. you continue in a cycle of question, answer, question, answer, and some of your answers are more emotional than others. you remember where you were, both physically and mentally, when making all of these. you remember the ones you made when you were having a bad day, the ones where you felt like you were on the top of the world. 

then, he pulls up one that you wish he didn’t. it was buried so deep into your gallery that you have no idea how he found it — your most dreaded hyperrealism piece: a woman lays on her back, hair fading into the foreboding, void-like background. her face is twisted up into an abject sadness, a deep-seated pain that even now, you have no idea how you captured so vividly. her veiny left hand is splayed next to her head, thin crimson threads tied to each finger so tight that she has begun to bleed. the strings fall limp beside her, severed from their counterparts that meander off of the canvas. more red threads loop their way around her neck, pulled taut as if to choke her — and to her throat, she holds a pair of sharp-pointed scissors, hand gripping the metal tight enough to pale her knuckles. 

it’s dark. it’s terribly dark and you wish he never saw it. why did he have to see it? why did he have to choose that one? the world tilts on its axis as he stares down at the picture of your most soul-baring work, though you think it would be worse if he saw the actual painting in person.

“what’s the story behind this one?” he asks quietly. your lungs expel all air, and you’re left gaping for more. breathe, come on, you have to breathe. your inhale is shaky, shuddered. breathe. say something.

“that one…” your voice trails off into something quiet. scared. “i made it when i was in a really— really dark place mentally, um. i made it mostly because—”

he’s looking at you now, concern shining in his irises, but you push on. 

“because i stopped believing in fate.”

while you could say more, you stop yourself there. you hate digging — digging into your deepest fears and emotions that you keep locked behind a wall so that you never have to feel them. a pandora’s box sits in the center of your heart, wrapped with chains to keep them imprisoned. somehow, though, you think yeonjun knows what you really want to say: you meeting each other wasn’t fate to you, but a gross series of coincidences, and when he asks if you think so, you simply nod.

“but out of everyone on this train, i met you. i got to know you — shouldn’t that mean something? can’t that be considered fate?” he presses. something akin to desperation laces his words, an urgency you’ve never heard from him. 

it sure feels like fate, doesn’t it? after all of those times that you ran into him, how he found you in the observation car when it was just you in there, how your feelings have unfolded like taking apart a paper crane in the short nine days you have known each other — it feels like it should be fate, you want to admit that all of it does seem like the universe’s divine intervention. maybe you running away was really just you trying to deny your fate to meet yeonjun while on this train. maybe him finding you was fate, an apology from whatever is above for what they put you through a year and a half ago.

“i think—” you hesitate. “i think so. it’s hard for it not to when i feel like i’ve known you my entire life.”

and you sit there and he’s smiling at you like you just created the earth with your bare hands. chicago passes outside the window. the sun shines high in the sky over the high rises, glints across glass panes and into his room. all you have is one more day on this train, and most of it will be spent sleeping tonight. he’ll wait for you tomorrow, right? would he wait for you forever?

“you know, i tell most people that my name is daniel.”

tilting your head, you echo, “daniel?” 

he hums as he scoots a bit closer, planting his feet on the floor next to yours and leaning forward. his knees support his elbows as he stares down at the floor. “it’s my english name. i used it when i was in college, i use it for my work, but for some reason, when i met you, my actual name, my given name, came out instead. call me silly, but i think my heart knew you’d become someone special to me. i wanted you to use my actual name — the one my parents call me. the one my closest friends call me.”

“oh.” why does your chest feel so tight right now? 

he sucks his lips behind his teeth for a moment. “yeah.”

sitting there, you wonder how you should respond to that. words expelled like an exhale of air, colliding with each other in front of your eyes, unable to be unscrambled by your mind. this time, it’s you who reaches over, closing the distance between you with a hand over his. his palm flips open to meet your own, your fingers linking together like matching puzzle pieces. you take a deep breath, and squeeze. 

“thank you,” you whisper. thank you for being here. thank you for helping me find myself again.

day twelve (point five). 

“i’m gonna miss you guys so much!” 

chaewon is basically on the verge of tears at this point, constantly blubbering how she is going to miss hanging out with you every day as she pulls you and sakura in for a hug over and over again. sakura laughs as she pulls away for the thousandth time this afternoon. “girl, it’s gonna be okay. we’re gonna meet up for coffee soon, right?”

she looks towards you, and you give an enthusiastic nod. “right. i’ll invite my friend too. she said she’d love to meet you guys.” 

chaewon’s pout doesn’t vanish, but she looks a little less emotional after all of your reassurances. blinking back the remnants of her tears, she nods with a watery “okay.”

you bring her in for one more hug while sakura asks, “have you seen him yet?” 

“no, i haven’t heard from him since last night.” your teeth worry your bottom lip, peeling a piece of raised skin off. the sensation stings. 

her lips purse sympathetically, a hand being placed on your shoulder. “i doubt he’d leave without saying something to you, don’t worry. he has to be around here somewhere.”

“yeah, you’re probably right.” as chaewon pulls away, you check your phone again. no texts or calls yet. doubt ricochets around in your brain, but you know yeonjun; he wouldn’t do that to you. 

“i’d love to wait with you, but my manufacturer is pissed i didn’t call them back yesterday, so i should get going,” sakura admits with an apologetic smile. her fingers squeeze your shoulder one time before her arm drops back to her side. 

“i should go too,” chaewon sadly adds, kicked puppy eyes in full effect. “my cat is waiting for me. my friend said she was a little demon the whole time i was gone.”

“it’s okay,” you laugh, shooing them away jokingly. “you guys can go. i’ll be fine.” 

with a last group hug, they grab their suitcases and head towards the hallway that connects the train station to the subway lines. sakura twirls around, walking backwards as she calls, “keep us updated! we need to know everything,”

“of course!” you yell back, grin widening. chaewon turns back too to wave, and you wave back. eventually, the crowd swallows them up, and you are left alone to wait. a few minutes pass, and you realize that this sea of people will likely make it impossible for either of you to find each other. his contact is pulled up on your phone, your thumb hovering the call button. you look around one more time—

and he’s standing right there, mere feet in front of you, in all of his glory, long hair still flopping into his face, eyes still dreamy and all-consuming. you stand there for a moment, simply staring at each other with stupid, goofy grins overtaking your faces. long legs carry him over to you, and before you know it, you’re wrapped up in his arms and pulled into his strong chest. you bury your head into the side of his neck, inhaling the scent of his cologne.

“thank god,” he murmurs into the crown of your head. “i thought you might have left already.”

pulling back, you fix him with an incredulous stare. “what in the world made you think that? i was waiting for you.”

his ears tint an opaque red, the raised apples of his cheeks flushed a similar hue. he’s bewitching, and despite knowing that since the very first day — the day that you drew him for the first time — there’s so much more to him than looks to you now. he’s beautiful in both body and soul, in heart and head. one hand removes itself from your middle to cup your jaw, steadying your gaze with yours. your heart pounds, knees weak like a newborn doe’s as he stares deep into your eyes. blinding are the emotions swirling in his dark irises, but it doesn’t burn anymore. it’s more like the caress of the sun in the springtime, bright yet gentle in its own right. 

“this feels long overdue for me to say,” he begins, eyes closing as if to steel himself. when he opens them again, resolve has been added to the mix. “but i have feelings for you. i’ve never fallen for someone so quickly. i’ve never met someone like you, and i just— i knew, from the very day that i saw you, that we’d have something to do with each other. and then we kept running into each other, and i just thought wow, this has to be—”

“yeonjun,” you call, interrupting his ramblings. he pauses, eyes wide and anticipatory, as your hand moves up to cover his on your jaw. you can’t help the tremble in your lips as you speak. “i feel the same way.”

his lips purse, hiding a smile, before he surges forward and embraces you for a second time. the pure, unadulterated joy that the action brings you is like nothing you’ve ever felt before, and you’re almost…sad, when he pulls away.

“can i take you out on a date?”

the question throws you off kilter, and you have to catch yourself before you fall face first into his chest. “like, right now? with our suitcases and everything?”

“i’ve done much worse,” he chuckles, ruffling his hair, only for the locks to fall back down into his eyes. “but i meant later today, maybe? around six? i have to go take care of some things i neglected before i left.” 

“that sounds wonderful,” you gush. despite your best efforts in keeping your excitement to a minimum, you bounce up onto your toes for second, heels sinking back onto the floor. you swear he mumbles a quiet “cute” under his breath before he’s slipping his hand into yours.

“perfect,” he beams, before he playfully continues. “shall we be off to the subway then, my lady?”

giggling, you fall into step next to him, your arm swinging with his between you. “we shall.”

*:･

he’s right on time to pick you up, dressed casually but not too casually. a cool beige, short-sleeved button-up is tucked into a pair of straight-legged black jeans that stop at his waist. the chunky converse on his feet cause him to be a bit taller than usual. evidently, he is distracted by his phone, head ducked down as he waits for you to show up.

“yeonjun!” you call out, causing his head to snap up. once he does, you find that he’s somewhat styled his hair back — most of it has been swooped back towards his ears. a few strands fall into his face, but his forehead is fully exposed, and he looks…amazing. sometimes, you wish you were a poet instead, because then you’d have the words describe what you were feeling, what you were seeing. his jaw drops at the sight of you, dolled up in a jean skirt and frilly tank top over a thin long sleeve, your makeup soft and flattering to your features. 

“hi,” he breathes, and you repeat the greeting back to him. “you look…wow.”

“thanks,” you, biting your glossy lip. as his focus flits down to where your teeth dig into the soft flesh, you shyly smile, releasing it. a shock runs through you, new and carnal and it warms your stomach when he bites down on his own lip for a split second. “um, i know we didn’t really talk about where we were going to go, but there’s a thai place down the street from here, if you wanna go there? it’s my favorite.”

“of course,” he accepts, offering his arm to you. you loop your own through, standing close to him with your fingers pressing into the crook of his elbow. “lead the way.”

now that neither of you feel the need to skirt around your feelings, silence no longer lingers between pauses in conversation — both of you are able to pick it back up with ease. you meant it when you said that you feel like you’ve known him your whole life, and it reflects in the way you banter with him without worry or care. it’s…nice, freeing, not having to think too hard about what you’re about to say. natural. everything with him feels so natural. 

when both of you are sated, in both terms of food and conversation, he offers to walk you back to your apartment. the sun is beginning to set, and the sky has faded into a wash of rosy pink. the hue reflects the giddy feeling churning in your chest, rendering you light-headed and dizzy and fuck you just want to kiss him—

and he does. standing in front of your apartment building, he swoops down and captures your lips with his. slow, unhurried, his lips taste sweet like thai tea and are as soft as clouds. no one leads the other, no one moves to deepen the kiss. no, instead, you and yeonjun savor the taste of each other, the syrupy, vertiginous feeling of your first kiss together. when he pulls away, his lips have a slightly swollen quality to them, though you’re sure own look the same. you don’t want him to leave yet. you want more, you want something carnal and irrepressible that, by the way he’s looking at you, he wants too. playing with the locks of hair at the nape of his neck, you pant against his lips. “come inside with me, please?”

soft eyes darken, and he takes your breath away once more with another kiss, hands squeezing your waist. once he separates your lips from his, he rests his forehead against yours. nerves flutter in your stomach. “okay.” 

you find it terribly difficult to keep your hands off of him as you unlock your door, as it shuts behind you. for a minute, you stand there, waiting for something, anything to happen — then he’s crowding you in against your door and his lips are on your again. although there remains an air of softness, urgency fills the gaps where your lips don’t quite meet as they meld together, his tongue slipping into your mouth to curl with your own. your shoulder blades press into the cool wood of your door, the warmth of his body against your front a dizzying contrast to your scattered mind — but you want more. you want him.

when he slips a knee between your legs and knocks them apart, you let him. when he presses that knee into your core, encourages you to grind against it, you let him, you listen. whining into his mouth, you tug at his shirt, at his belt loops, his hair — anything you can get your hands on, you’re pulling at it, grinding down harder as his jeans rub your soaked panties against your aching pearl. a cry rips itself from your throat, mouth leaving as your head is thrown back against the door. “y-yeonjun—”

“patience, love. i’m gonna make you feel good,” he mumbles as he ravages your neck, nipping and sucking at the soft skin. his hands have snuck beneath your shirt and smooth over your stomach up to the cups of your bra, squeezing the flesh over the fabric. as you raise you arms, he helps you pull your top off, the article thrown onto the floor without ceremony or care. his hands loop behind your back, fiddling with your bra clasp. “can i?”

“please,” you keen, and he wastes no time in doing so, expert fingers sliding the straps down your arms until your bra, too, lays on the floor. lips find your right nipple, enveloping the pebbled flesh in a warm wetness that causes your back to arch into him. one hand pulls you into him, while the other tweaks your other tit. his teeth graze it, and the stinging edge of painful pleasure causes you to shiver. he hums, vibrations causing you to moan his name louder, plead for him to do more. leaving your breast, his mouth kisses and laps at the skin of your stomach. down, down, down, until he drops to his knees in front of you, swiftly unzipping your skirt and pulling it off of you. lips find your thighs, biting down lightly, and you squeak, hand finding his hair and pulling. he looks up at your through his lashes, absolutely depraved and almost drooling for more. you gulp, legs almost giving out under you as you smooth your hand over his hair, pushing the strands that have fallen into his face back. “can we— can we move to the bed?”

immediately, he stands, pulling you behind him before he’s placing you onto the edge of your bed with great care. before he can fall to his knees again, you curl your shaking fingers into his shirt. “take this off? i wanna see you.”

with a huff of a chuckle, he does as you ask, revealing a toned stomach, broad shoulders, muscled arms. your tongue darts across your lips as you drink him in, causing him to smirk. “like what you see, pretty?”

“y-yes,” you stutter out, quiet and wanting and full of lecherous need. your thighs attempt to squeeze together in order to provide some relief to your pulsating core, but his legs stop them from fully closing. his fingers find your jaw, squeezing the flesh. your cheeks heat up. 

“so fucking cute.” the praise sends a white hot streak through your stomach and into your center. your face is on absolute fire now, vision growing hazy around the edges as you watch him sink down between your thighs, your panties quickly discarded to reveal your center to his eyes. two fingers trace your folds before dipping beneath them to find your entrance. his eyes widen at what he finds, fingers coming back up coated in your wetness, glinting against his fingertips and knuckles in the light streaming in through your windows. “you’re so wet, baby. this all for me? a little kissing got you this needy?”

“mhm— oh,” you gasp when he brings the fingers to his mouth, sucking on them lewdly as he refuses to tear his gaze from yours. he moans at your taste, hot tongue swiping up the remnants that accidentally smeared onto the corner of his lips once he removes his fingers. his smirk returns, hands sliding under your ass to pull you closer to the edge of the bed, closer to his mouth. you sit up on your elbows to watch him kiss his way up your inner thigh, hands holding you open for him. there’s nowhere for you to hide, as he traces your folds with his tongue, dipping into your entrance and swiping up to your clit. crying out, your fingers find his hair in an ironclad grip. he groans against your pearl, your hips bucking up into his face before his arms snake around each thigh and hold you still. he alternates between circling the bud with his tongue and sucking it between his plush lips, spit pooling at the corners of his mouth as he loses himself in your taste. meanwhile, you’re already so close to the edge, you can feel your walls begin to clench around nothing, your hips jumping up as far as he allows. as he dips down to your entrance, his nose bumps against your clit, but his tongue is back in no time to continue its assault on your poor little clit. “jjun, ‘m gonna, please, ‘m gonna—”

“cum,” he mumbles against you. “cum f’me, pretty girl.”

with his permission, your head falls onto your sheets, eyes rolling into the back of your head as your vision spots white. cries pour from your lips like honey for him to drink, but you never quite come down fully. rather, he keeps circling his tongue against your clit through your high, and as your orgasm subsides, another one already begins to build. tears prick your eyes as you plead, “jjun, no, can’t, i can’t, nonono— i can’t!”

“yes, you can,” he murmurs, removing his arm from your right thigh. his lips don’t leave your clit as you feel two fingers slip into your soaked entrance, smoothly thrusting in and out and curling up into your upper wall until he finds that soft spot inside you that has your voice shattering into shards of moans and staccato wails. he groans against you as he feels your walls clench, the pace of his fingers unforgiving as he coaxes another mind-shattering orgasm from your body. your fingers flutter around his walls, watery hiccups torn from your throat. this time, he slows down, helps you ride out your high, before he removes his fingers, licking his lips of your essence as he does. climbing onto the bed, he hovers over you, taking in your spit-slick lips and tear-lined eyes. he wipes the tears away with gentle motions, cooing when you whine. he sits there until you come back to him, lucidity shining in your eyes as you blink them open. smiling, you pull him in for a languid kiss, tasting yourself on his tongue before he pulls away. 

when he caresses your cheek with his thumb, asking you if you’re okay, you lean into his touch, “mhm, want you to fuck me.”

“i can do that,” he laughs, causing you to reciprocate. standing, he slips his jeans and boxers down his thighs until he’s left in nothing, hardened cock veiny and flushed an angry red. you think it’s an average length, on the thicker side, the girth causing your mouth to water. as he runs his hands up your thighs, he asks, “d’you have any condoms, love?”

while you’d rather him fuck you raw, you know it’s safer this way. you point towards your nightstand. “there.”

as he fetches one, you scoot into the middle of the bed, watching him roll it on before he returns between your thighs, pumping his cock once, twice, lining it up with your entrance. his free hand grips your waist, watching as you move your hips to try to slide him into you. smirking, he presses his hips forward, cockhead dipping past your entrance. both of you moan at the sensation. slowly, he works his cock into you, little rolls of his hips until he’s seated fully within you, hips flush against your pelvis. 

“move,” you whine. “please move.” and that’s all it takes for him to swiftly pull out and slide back in again. as he thrusts into you again and again, his movements grow rougher, the tip of his cock brushing against your g-spot each time. moaning, you reach up towards him, forcing him to lean over you so you can kiss him again, swallowing each other’s sounds. he’s just as loud as you, praises falling naturally between his breathy moans. 

“feel s’good, baby. so fuckin’ tight and wet f’me. so unreal. d’you feel good, too?” he coos against the shell of your ear, warm breath curling against your necks. your walls clench around him at his desperate sounds.

“s-so good, jjunie,” you hum, feeling your third high of the night approaching. the knot in your stomach grows tighter as his thrusts grow sloppy, chasing his high as much as you are. a thumb moves down to rub your sensitive clit, quick little circles against the bud until your limbs are locking up, quaking as you finally cum around him. a few seconds later, his high hits him as well, his hips quivering as he spills into the rubber with a loud groan. 

slowly, he pulls out, ridding himself of the condom and soon returning to the bed to plop down next to you. arms pull you in close as you both pant and grin tiredly at each other, basking in the quiet that permeates the air, and he stares at you, dulcet eyes boring into yours. 

“what’re you thinking about?” you decide to ask, poking the center of his sweat-beaded forehead. taking a moment to respond, he pulls you even closer so that your noses almost touch. 

“it’s just— there’s this concept in korean — inyeon,” the timbre of his voice raises slightly as he switches to his native tongue, and lowers again when he switches back to english. “that, um, it means…”

his cheeks are growing the slightest bit pink, a shade that reflects the cotton candy clouds that float past your windows. squeezing his hand, you silently urge him to continue, soft gaze finding his own. a gentle kiss pressed to his cheek, his jaw, naked skin pressed against naked skin. together, whole, one.

he starts again, “there’s no direct translation, but it basically is fate. strings of fate. i truly believe the universe has connected us in some way, whether it be through some invisible red string or another force. and i know, i know what you said about fate, but i can’t stop thinking about how we found each other. there’s something beautiful about starting off as strangers and getting here. i don’t know, i’m just rambling at this point,” he chuckles, burying his nose into the pillow under his head. “i’ve just never felt this way about someone before. i’m sorry.”

with a gentle hand, you cup the side of his face, forcing him to look back at you. “don’t be sorry, that’s beautiful, and i think—” you sigh, blinking back tears that threaten to fall. “i think you’ve changed my mind about fate. i’ve also never felt this way about someone before. i feel like you know me on some level that no one else does. you just. you just get it, and i—” 

you don’t think this is quite love yet, but you believe what you’re feeling within your chest, tingling all over your body, is as close as you’ve ever gotten to it. he smiles, whispers a small, soft, “i know,” and lips find lips once more. hands find hands, and you feel alive. you feel like everything that you see is now in vivid technicolor, no longer masked by a veil of gray.

and when you wake up tomorrow, you think that you’re going to start a new painting.

© to agustdiv1ne. do not copy, repost, steal, and/or translate.

[peachy-wolfhard]

dating yuta okkotsu

a/n: wowzers more than one post a year??? also HAPPY BDAY YUTA LUB U BABYBOY

Warnings: swearing, sims death, yuta gets elbowed accidentally, a little angst

Word Count: 823

My literal bf

He's so in love

Heart eyes whenever someone even slightly mentions you

Yuta will be talking to someone and if they slightly mention something you like he starts rambling about how amazing you are and how much he loves you while blushing and borderline giggling and kicking his feet

He's so sticky too like anything you do he's right there like a shadow

Yuta is also really quiet when he is being your shadow so 99% of the time he ends up scaring you when you turn around 

One time after a mission, you're nerves were still on edge and Yuta just happened to walk behind you and ended up getting an elbow to the eye (Rika beat ur ass sorry)

Yuta isn't that big of a gamer himself but he LOVES to watch you play the sims, especially if you made you and him

Speaking of the Sims ! Whenever Yuta is away for missions you always update him about what's going on

hi yu! Update ab our sims…OUR SON DIED HE DIED IN A FIRE IM SO SAD!!!!!! BUT ITS OK WE CAN MAKE A NEW ONE ;) wink wink anyway we moved to a farm and ITS HAUNTED. ok bye bye baby ilysm MWAH

VOICE MESSAGES!! Yuta can't get enough of them he loves sending them to you and he loves when you send them

yuta

“Hi honey, I just saw a really cute cat that reminded me of you. I swear it looked almost one hundred percent like you, not even joking…ok i gotta go bye i love you!”

Facetimes are another thing that is pretty regular. Its either you walking around campus showing him to all your friends or him show you around wherever he is

“Yuta, look at these freaks. They’re going crazy without you here…me too honestly”

“I know I'm losing my mind not being around you guys but especially you.”

Another thing he loves is sending random pictures to each other

*picture of yuta being cute* 

y/n

OMG IM SOBBING MWAH MWAH IM GONNA EAT U I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND

*picture of you doing something*

yuta

Cries sobs screams throws up I MISS UUUUUUUUUU <333333 :333

ONE LAST THING

Yuta barely uses emojis, he's an emoticon boy :3

He always brings you presents back from wherever they send him

There's always a big dramatic reunion when he returns. Running into each other's arms, fake loud crying, one of you carrying the other (translation: you carrying Yuta) …the works

Nights after he gets home are very chill. Ordering take out and watching reality tv while just enjoying each other's company. Ending the night by cuddling each other to sleep

Yuta has a note in his notes app of EVERYTHING you like and dislike

Everytime you slightly mention something you like or dislike he makes a mental note to write it down

Even if he doesn't write something down, he memorized it. Remembers what kind of candy you like, what your favorite flowers are, your orders from take out and restaurants

While your guys relationship is lovely and amazing it does get hard sometimes with Yuta always being gone and you having missions and school

Going days without hearing from the other because the two of you are so stressed and busy then having to update each other all at once in one message then repeating the process

Trying to facetime each other but when he's in an entirely different timezone it's hard. You'll be almost asleep and his day is just starting

After a while it started to get to you, that your boyfriend was away for so long, you weren't able to see him, and when you were you had to prepare for him to leave just a few weeks after

Even though you were surrounded by your friends and teachers that love you, you felt so lonely

Finally you talked to him about it, about how all his traveling made you feel so alone and he agreed with you. That he too felt so alone (because most of the time he was) and that he just wanted to stay home for at least a year

Loves snuggling with you but only in private (Maki beat his ass)

Holds you so close at night to the point it feels like he's trying to get into your skin

Seems like the type to either wear minimal clothes to bed or pajama sets, no in between

Kicks the blankets off then curls up to you when he inevitably gets cold

Yes he's very sweet but he still likes to mess with you ESPECIALLY at night

His favorite thing to do is putting his cold hands or feet on you and asking “are my feet/hands cold”

ONE LAST THING

He 100% gets you guys those Lego roses so you can build them together

Overall he very much loves you and cant get enough of you

[ronearoundblindly]

Steve Rogers One-Shot List

[Main Masterlist; Light Masterlist]

[Steve Rogers Series List]

Romance 🔥 || Smut 🦆 || Author Fave 🍀 || Angst ⛈️ || Fluff 🌼 || Dark Fic 🌘 || *** denotes work for all ages

Mr. & Mrs. (AU with agent!Steve x mob!reader) ⛈️🔥

In Sickness and In Health (longterm illness comfort) *** 🌼⛈️🔥

The Game (Nomad!Steve smut) 🔥🦆

Beg For My Mercy (defiant!Steve x gn!god!reader) ⛈️🦆🌘

Super-Human Resources (Steve x older!reader) 🌼⛈️🔥🍀

Old Dog, New Tricks (soft!Steve x inexperienced!reader) 🌼🔥🦆 Your Dog, His Tricks (follow-up) ⛈️🔥🦆

Sweet Charity (drabble; Steve likes your laugh) *** 🌼

Mastery (Steve x artist!reader) *** 🌼

Succubus!Reader (1, 2, 3) 🌼🔥🦆 Vampire!Reader 🌼🔥 Shapeshifter!Reader 🌼⛈️🔥

Steve x short male!reader (headcanon) *** 🌼🔥

Ties (long-haired!reader x Steve learning to braid) *** 🌼

Period Comfort *** 🌼 not-Baker!Steve (cake decorating) *** 🌼🔥 

Warning Signs (after-mission grief/comfort) ⛈️ (semi🌘) Yield (follow up) 🌼⛈️🔥

Not Today (Steve x workaholic!reader) *** ⛈️🌼

Lloyd Hansen x reader x Steve 🔥🦆

Dirty Doodle (Stucky x artist!reader drabble) 🌼🦆

Midnight Kiss (New Year's Eve party) 🌼🔥

A Kiss On A Scar (Valentine's prompt) *** 🌼🔥

I'm So, So Sorry (a kiss as an apology; Nomad steve) 🌼🦆

A Dark Day & A Bright Night (a kiss where it hurts) ⛈️🌼🍀

Dirty Headcanons: Alone Time 🌼🔥🦆 Bondage and Foodplay ⛈️🌼🔥

Lease (Steve x best friend!roommate!reader) *** 🌼🔥

Steve is tired (bday ask) ***⛈️🌼

He Needs the Calories (4th of July crack fic) ***🌼

Entwined (bondage w/Nomad) ⛈️🔥🦆

Let Me See You (1940s!skinny!Steve) ⛈️🔥🦆

Big Pharma (sex pollen) ⛈️🔥🦆🌼

To Tire Is Human (cooking and loving care) ***⛈️🌼

This Lonely Place (poetic drabble) ⛈️🔥🦆

[Main Masterlist; Light Masterlist; Ko-Fi]

[hwaslayer]

project: make you love me (jyh) | fifteen.

♣︎ spotify playlist | series masterlist

—summary: yunho can’t stand how you’re so wrapped up in the notorious campus fuckboy, park seonghwa. he would gladly love you the way you deserve, despite being shy, awkward and the complete opposite of seonghwa. thus, when he finds himself spending more time with you over literature reviews and random study sessions, he decides to take on the challenge to win you over.

—pairing: jeong yunho x f. reader x park seonghwa

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) strangers/friends to lovers, college au | fluff, angst, smut

—word count: 3.6k

—chapter content/warnings: cussing/mature language, surprise bday party for oc!!, but another day of seonghwa getting on yunho's [everyone's] nerves, yunho is fucking cute 😭 they are fucking cute ok!!, alcohol consumption/intoxication, kisses, making out, shower smut scene (not super descriptive), more angry protective yunho comes in the next update i promise!

"I'm so sorry, babe. I know it's your birthday, but I have to take care of this family thing really quickly." Chaery whines over the phone. "I'll be back before it hits midnight, and we can have our own little celebration, okay? Just me, you and the boys. Enjoy your day with Yunho for now, please." You sigh heavily, bummed that your bestfriend wouldn't be around until later.

"Okay."

"I'll be there, I promise."

"Okay, Chaery." You fiddle with the hem of Yunho's sheets.

"I love you! I have to go and take care of this so that I can come back sooner!"

"I love you, too." You respond, ending the call. You silently sit criss-crossed on Yunho's bed, staring at the phone now sitting below you. Yunho walks in just as he's hopped out the shower, immediately keeping you company while you sulk and pout to yourself.

"Why the long face, princess?"

"I'm just bummed I won't get to see my friends until right before midnight. I get that they have stuff to do but they've always celebrated my birthday with me." You sigh. "I dunno why this time had to be different. Soobin says he's stuck studying with his project group and Seungmin literally is nowhere to be found right now." Your bottom lip pokes out and Yunho thinks you are the cutest thing in the world. He wishes he could tell you, but he doesn't wanna slip up and ruin your surprise. So, he plays along, also poking his bottom lip out.

"I'm sorry, love." Yunho sits on the edge of the bed, hand coming to caress your chin. "I promise I'll make your birthday worthwhile. Okay? Then your friends will be home and I'll get you back as soon as possible." You continue to pout while you nod in agreement. "No more." Yunho chuckles, leaning forward to peck you on the lips. "Please trust me to make your birthday better."

"I do."

"Okay then no more of this." He taps on your bottom lip. "Now, can I ask you to please get dressed so I can take you to dinner?"

"Or.. we can stay here. I'm okay with staying in." You cup his cheeks and he shakes his head.

"As much as I love doing that with you—" He taps the tip of your nose. "No can do, baby. I have to take you to dinner cause we have other plans afterwards."

"What are these plans?"

"Mm, you can't do that." He stands and walks towards his closet. "You placed your trust in me, so don't go back on it now." You let out a playful sigh as you step down from his bed and go through your duffle bag. Because Yunho told you to keep it pretty casual, you slip into your denim mini skirt, a black baby tee, your baseball jacket and converse highs. Yunho spins you around and puckers his lips, playfully [but sweetly] complimenting you as he holds your hand and guides you to the car.

Yunho has a casual dinner planned at one of your favorite restaurants downtown, reserving a table in the beautiful patio underneath one of the outdoor heaters. You squeal when you're able to order your favorite savory crepe after craving it for some time, Yunho giggling at how excited you look when the food finally arrives. The both of you always have neverending conversations about life, school; amongst other topics you find interesting. Conversations are always so fun and lively with Yunho, and it's one of your favorite parts about him. He's comfortable enough to be his silly self, while playing along with your own humor and bad jokes— always making you feel like his one and only special girl.

When it's time for dessert, Yunho has the waitress bring over a slice of cheesecake with a single candle lit in the center— singing along with the staff as they sing happy birthday. He captures a few candid photos just as you're about to make a wish and blow your candle, full on heart eyes when he looks at you through his phone screen.

"Here." He shows you the photos. "The prettiest." You feel the heat rise to your cheeks. "Wonder if she has a boyfriend." He looks at the photo, making you laugh.

"Stop." You take some of your cheesecake and feed him some, feeling content and satisfied with dinner. "So, what's next?"

"Are you finished?" You nod. "Alright. Not telling you, though." He clears his throat before calling the waitress over for the check. "Have you heard from your roommates?" You check your phone as the receipt arrives, Yunho signing off on the bottom line.

"No." You sigh. "Ah well, I guess I'll hear from them when I hear from them, right?" He nods.

"You'll see them before it hits midnight, baby. They wouldn't miss it for a thing." You shrug.

"I know. I am having a good time with you, though."

"Good." He holds his hand out for you to take, leading you out of the restaurant patio and back to the car. Once situated in the passenger seat, Yunho leans over and sweetly asks for a kiss before he drives off. The kiss continues on though, and Yunho is forcing himself to break the kiss [before he takes you home and forgets the entire plan he worked so hard on]. "Mm, Y/N. Please." He slightly hisses, feeling his boxers become a bit tight around the area. "I have to take you to the next spot."

"Really?"

"Yes." He laughs and takes out a blindfold, causing you to raise a brow at the item in his hand.

"Where the hell did you get that?"

"My pocket." He smirks. "You still trust me, right?"

"Mhm. I think?"

"Alright, gonna have to put this on you."

"Kinky." You tease as you fix your position and let Yunho properly fix the blindfold on you.

"Could show you kinky if you want." You snort when he sits back into the driver's seat. "Not too tight?"

"Nope." He begins to drive off to the next destination.

"Cool. Off we go then."

It's probably a good [but long behind the blindfold] 10 minutes before you feel Yunho entering a lot and parking the car. He tells you to stay put, helping you out from the passenger side before guiding you into a building.

It is loud, and it sounds familiar.

"Yunho, why are we at a bowling alley?"

"Because." He says, pausing in his steps before removing your blindfold. As soon as you regain your vision, you see all of your friends in front of you, including your mom, dad and sister. "Remember when you said you and your family love to bowl, but haven't in awhile?" 

"Surprise!" They all yell loudly, your family reaching you first for tight hugs and sweet greetings.

"Happy birthday!" Yeosang playfully ruffles your hair before pulling you into a hug.

"Are you serious?" You feel your bottom lip tremble as you begin to cry greeting the rest of your friends. "I thought you two had to take care of stuff. A-and you, you've been MIA all day?!" You cry at your roommates, making them laugh.

"I had to make it more believable than these two." Seungmin laughs.

"Babe, did you really think we'd stupidly miss your birthday?" Chaery holds you close.

"Yes." You pout.

"Yunho's been planning this for awhile, and we would never miss it for the world." She points at the balloons, cake and gifts. "You've got a keeper." She says with a big smile, rubbing your arm to stop you from crying. You continue to greet the rest of the group around, noticing a few other people from school also hanging out for your birthday festivities.

"Birthday shots?!" Yeonjun yells, ordering for a round of shots to be delivered to the lanes. Before everyone takes their shot, your dad makes a little speech for your birthday, thanking Yunho for bringing everyone together on your special day. Yunho stands behind you, allowing you to rest against him while he adds onto your dad's speech— thanking everyone for helping plan and coming along to celebrate.

"Happy birthday, baby." He whispers in your ear.

"Thank you." You look up at him and give him a peck on the lips.

"Happy birthday to our Y/N!" Hyunjin yells, giving everyone leverage to down the first shot of the night. Bowling begins shortly afterwards, with your family and friends sharing lanes to kick off some friendly competition. You continue to take a few more shots with friends in between bowling, conversing with everyone and having a good time with the people you love being under one roof. As you converse and happily yell around with your friends, your eyes land on Yunho across the room. He meets your gaze, his smile growing as he keeps his eyes on you mid-conversation with your mom and sister in between his turns.

And god, he just wants to kiss you, hold you, do everything in his power to show you just how much you mean to him. 

He loves you.

His laugh is what breaks the contact, your sister probably teasing him about your relationship or spitting random jokes about the two of you growing up. You giggle to yourself feeling the butterflies in your tummy, wondering how on earth you've gotten so lucky with him.

"I hope you've been having a good birthday so far." Chaery squeezes your arm and leans her head on your shoulder.

"I am." You laugh. "Well, I was kinda upset about you guys because I really believed we wouldn't be able to celebrate together."

"Never." Chaery giggles. "Come on, let's go order some more drinks."

"It's almost your turn!" Jongho yells. 

"Bowl for me!" Chaery responds as she drags you to the bar and food area. The two of you order some delicious, fruity cocktails, chatting away with the friendly bartender who sweetly puts the drinks on the house. At this point, you're feeling a good buzz, cheeks hot with the alcohol running through your veins. You and Chaery stick around for a bit with the bartender while tasting your drinks, Yunho eyeing the place to find any sign of you.

But, it's not you he sees first, no.

It's Park Seonghwa.

It's Seonghwa walking into the bowling alley with Mingi and San, and his smile instantly drops. Why the fuck was Seonghwa here, and why did it have to be on your birthday? It feels like trouble, but Yunho can't exactly say he's surprised though. Because of course Seonghwa would find out about this. Of course he'd invite himself to the bowling alley. Of course he'd try and make himself relevant on your birthday.

Dick.

Luckily though, just before Yunho can think of the worst, you finally come into his view and happily skip over with the drink in your hand. All the feelings instantly melt away, the smile returning to his face in an instant.

"Hi." You cutely smile at him.

"Hi." He responds, gently pinching your cheek. "What's that, birthday girl?"

"Taste it." You giggle. He takes a sip of your cocktail, nodding in approval.

"Dangerous."

"But fun, isn't it?" You laugh. "I think I have to pee, though." You start to chug the rest of your drink.

"Slow down, baby." He laughs. "Need me to bring you over there?"

"I can make it." You point at the board. "Can you bowl for me too if I don't make in time?"

"Can't promise it'll be a good one."

"You're good at everything, love." You smile before giving him a quick peck on the cheek. "Be back!" You yell before rushing to the bathroom. The alley has started to fill up over time, a bunch of other groups and families gathering along the other lanes to play some fun, competitive games against each other. You power walk down towards the arcade end where the bathrooms are situated, brushing past a few people and dodging others as they hang around the walkways. When you finally approach the hallway, you feel someone grab at your wrist and gently tug you back— a frown immediately plastered on your face because not only do you really have to pee, but you find yourself facing Seonghwa.

"Hey. I've been trying to find you just to tell you happy birthday." Seonghwa smiles. "Happy birthday, sweetheart."

"Thanks." You try to wiggle out of his grip, but he tightens it and gently tugs you back.

"Baby in too much of a hurry for me?"

"Seonghwa. Seriously?" You glare at him and he laughs. "I really need to go to the bathroom."

"Jeez. So uptight even on your birthday. Yunho's still gonna be in the same position as you left him."

"Great, that's all I want." You brush past him to finally get to the bathroom. "Excuse me." Seonghwa watches as you leave, a small sigh leaving his lips. He heard about the little party Yunho had prepared for you and decided it'd be a good time to stop by. He's not gonna lie, he doesn't care much for bowling as much as San and Mingi do, but he did want to see you and try to talk to you. One, to wish you happy birthday. Two, to see you. And three, to try and ask about the flowers he dropped off because he hasn't heard anything about them.

He was trying, and he was hoping you'd see that. Even though this was new territory for him, he wasn't gonna give up that easily. After all, you and him had more history than Yunho. And that keeps him going.

When Seonghwa turns to find his boys, he sees Mingi and San mingling with the group; even getting a random bowl in or two. Mingi's talking to Yunho and he can't help but roll his eyes; completely over Yunho's entire act.

"Oh, tell Y/N I said happy birthday then!" Mingi gives Yunho a dap as soon as Seonghwa makes his way over and squeezes his shoulder.

"Yeah, let her know for me too, will you? Wanted to give her a gift, but we didn't really have time to catch up since she was on her way to the bathroom." Seonghwa winks. "Know how much she loves the little things."

"Yeah, I'm good off of that." Yunho responds before sipping on his drink, Yeosang slowly coming to his side as Seonghwa chuckles at his answer.

"Come on dude, that's his girlfriend now." San mumbles next to him, making Seonghwa shake his head.

"Yeah, whatever." He clears his throat. "Anyway. Let's get the fuck outta here. Hella boring." Seonghwa turns on his heel and starts heading out of the alley, San clicking his teeth in slight frustration while Mingi obliviously waves to Yunho and bids his farewell.

"Tell her!" Mingi yells and Yunho gives him a nod of acknowledgement.

"He's joking, right?" Yeosang asks.

"Wish he was. Can't say I'm surprised, though."

"Don't let him get to you. He's just trying to get a reaction out of you."

"I know. But, I don't get why he won't just leave her alone? Why doesn't he get it?" Yeosang shakes his head.

"Dude has always gotten his way. He's not used to being left." Yunho lets out a small scoff before sitting, eyes scanning the area again until he can find you. He's not gonna lie, he's a little uneasy after that, and he wishes he could just have you here and shield you away from the rest of the world—

"I'm back." You announce, your sister handing you another shot to take before pushing you to bowl. Everything is ten times louder than it was before, and you're definitely still a bit drunk. "Yuyu!" You yell.

"Hey princess." Yunho looks up at you as you sit sideways on his lap, arm swung over his shoulder. "You okay, birthday girl?"

"Mhm. Better." He chuckles, his hand giving your thigh a squeeze. "How about you?" You tilt your head to the side and although Yunho is a little worked up from the encounter with Seonghwa, he can't help but melt in your presence. It's hard to stay mad at anything when you're around.

"I'm good as long as you are." You giggle. "Heard you ran—?" You lean forward, unable to hear him clearly through the music and people yelling.

"What?"

"Heard you ran into Seonghwa. What was that about?"

"Seonghwa being Seonghwa." He looks at you with his brows slightly furrowed, and you're unsure if he believes you or not. He does, it's really not that he doesn't. He just doesn't trust Seonghwa and he can't help it especially with the history you two have.

Even though you were his, a tiny part of him was still scared that you'd leave him for Seonghwa; especially with the way that he didn't seem to be giving up on you so easily.

Too bad Yunho wouldn't give up on you either. Ain't no way he'd let someone come for his woman.

He'll make sure that's clear.

"You sure that's all?" You pause and slightly hesitate before responding.

"Of course." You look at him and your heart sinks. Would you be creating unnecessary drama over something that you have no interest in anymore? Would it matter or change anything if you told him about those roses? "He just wished me happy birthday and I brushed past him."

"Hm." Is all he says before kissing you on the cheek. "Okay."

The rest of the night continues to be a party— you and your loved ones happily bowling, drinking and playing; going on for hours until people start to leave one by one. Your family gives you extra hugs and kisses, thanking Yunho for taking care of you and for getting everyone together for your birthday.

In the end, your roommates take the remainder of the cake home, while you, Yeosang and Yunho head back to their place for the night.

"Today was so fun!"

"Yeah?" Yunho laughs.

"So fun. I'm still kinda drunk."

"Kinda?" Yeosang laughs seeing you hang onto Yunho's arm, which turns into you hanging onto him like a koala.

"Kinda! I'm not that drunk. Just enough." You burp against Yunho's neck.

"Ou, nice. That was a good one." Yunho says, waddling up the steps and carefully guiding you up along with him. "Think you can beat that with another?"

"No. I'll probably throw up." 

"Don't want that, now do we?" He chuckles, giving you room to kick off your shoes in the apartment before heading to the room. 

"I wanna take a quick shower." You say as you grab some of Yunho's clothes and waddle to the bathroom.

"You should probably go in there." Yeosang gives Yunho's shoulder a squeeze. "I'll leave some medicine and water by your bed for her."

"Thanks." Yunho quickly snags his own pajamas before slipping into the bathroom to make sure you're okay. "You okay there, baby?" You've just stepped under the water when Yunho walks in, the outline of your body still clear through the shower doors.

"Mhm. Water feels nice." You let out a content sigh before dropping Yunho's body wash bottle.

"Hm." He hums. "Mind if I step in with you?"

"Nope." He sheds off his clothes and steps into the piping hot shower, eyes glossing over your body. 

"Can I help you with that?" Yunho asks, gently taking the loofa from your hands. You giggle as he starts with your back, turning you around once he's satisfied to cover your front. You kiss him in between, smiling against his lips before you take your turn to help get him washed up. His hands start to roam your body, gently squeezing at your sides when you continue to kiss him the way you do, love on him the way you do. 

Innocent kisses turn into heated makeout sessions with the water still pounding against your skin, to Yunho slowly and gently taking you against the cold wall; large hand propping up your leg as he shushes you against your lips, whispering praises in between little reminders of keeping it quiet. Eventually, the both of you reach your highs— the two of you caught in a  giggle fit afterwards knowing that you have to repeat the process and wash up all over again.

He wouldn't have it any other way though, and so wouldn't you. You feel like you're on cloud nine after today, heart filled with so much love especially because of Yunho.

Life is just so much sweeter with him in it, and you love him.

After the both of you wash off again, you step out of the shower and finish getting ready for bed. You thank Yeosang and bid him goodnight before stepping into the room and slipping under the covers.

"Did you have a good day today?" Yunho asks, close to a whisper.

"The best birthday I've had."

"Yeah?" He chuckles.

"Mhm." You caress his cheek and look him in the eyes. "Thank you, Yunho. For everything."

"Of course, baby." He kisses your forehead. "You deserve it all." He watches with a small smile on his face as you quickly fall asleep, hand gently rubbing your back. After today's festivities, Yunho should be sleeping. But tonight, it feels like a stretch when the thoughts at the back of his mind come to the forefront; a tiny sigh leaving his lips when he remembers the encounter with Seonghwa. He feels uneasy, kinda unsettled and annoyed. He remembers the small detail of hesitancy that pulled up on your expression. He's not sure why, and he's not trying to figure it out right now.

It's frustrating.

He doesn't want to assume you're hiding something from him, that something odd is going on, though his gut tells him otherwise.

And for once, he truly hopes it's wrong.

♣︎ taglist: @s-nsanshine @soupbinlily @tyongff-ff @jiminiscricket @g1g1l @staytinyinmybpack @woomyteez @gfksz @bitchwhytho @savluvsmingi @thisisntmyrightera @hyukssunflower @miriamxsworld @tmtxtf @kuromibabe04 @lmnhead @carrietwrites @tournesol155 @persphonesorchid @txt-yaomi @mxnsxngie @h-nji @mundayoonimnida @jalapeno-princess @nakiiko @asjkdk @kunikku @idkwgoh @kyeos4ng @agust-d2 @araknoid @bintificreads @primoppang @betray-the-light @aurorasjoongie @wineyoungie @yunhotteokkk @yungigiggles @jaerisdiction @ignoretheskies @luminouskalopsia @naeviscall @vixensss @choisansplushie @arya9111 @my-lightspirit @dazednconfusion @astro-doll-the-star @faesmingi @idfkeddieishot @startinystay @emily505 @mgdixon @mcsalterego @cheynalexilaiho

[callsign-dexter]

Fireside Romance 18+

Request: I just love the very present Kelly spam on your blog too much that I'm gonna send in an idea as well ! My bday is on the weekend, but I feel bad for all the other request before me. So you don't need to do it right now ❤️

Maybe something where you're just new at Firehouse 51 and Shays new partner on 61, and also hers and Kelly's new roommate. He wasn't happy about that in the first place but after he gets to know you he can't think of a better person to live with and you 3 get really close friends. One time you're alone with Kelly, when your nasty ex finds out where you live and shows up. As Kelly opens the door your ex starts making a scene about another guy living with you, but Kelly gets into protective mode and takes care of the situation not letting him near you and making him leave again fast. Then he sees you being a bit overwhelmed by the situation so he hugs you immediately and you relax into his arms, feeling butterflies all inside you, that he stood up for you and that adding to your already present crush on him. Taking advantage of the situation you kiss him, which he returns and somehow you end up in his bed where Shay later finds you both cuddled up together naked and she fist bumps herself cause she knew that would happen and she'll mock you first thing in the morning about that? 🤭

Omg I'm so sorry it's so long !!!!

Pairings: Kelly Severide x Paramedic!Reader

Warnings: angst, domestic abuse done by OC, drinking, fluff, smut, swearing

Masterlist

A/N: @talesofreading and @imagine-all-the-fandoms I hope you're prepared for some Kelly Severide smut.....

A/N 2: Happy 6 month belated birthday! So sorry it is so late!

Leslie Shay has been your long-time best friend, like so long that you both would consider each other sisters. She was the one to push you to go to school to become a paramedic, you had shown that you were capable and you loved helping people. She was a few years older than you so she had already been through the schooling and had been at 51 longer than you. After you finished your schooling and went through the fire academy you were placed with Firehouse 51 as a paramedic with Shay and to say you both were beyond excited was an understatement. You quickly made friends with everyone on the team including Kelly Severide when you went in to meet everyone.

When you were placed at Firehouse 51 as a paramedic you were in a seriously bad relationship but you had a place to stay but that was about to quickly change. You just started working there a week ago when your living situation was no more. Shay and you had talked about it and how abusive your boyfriend was. You wanted to break up with him and move out but had nowhere to go until she suggested you move in with Kelly and her. She promised that she would talk to Kelly about it and let you know, you thanked her profusely.

 You had just gotten off work but stayed behind while the others went off to Molly’s because there was some paperwork stuff that needed to be taken care of with HR so by the time you were out of there you were getting home late. As you were driving home you ran into some traffic which made you even more late and that made you nervous. You tried calling your boyfriend, Taylor Hadley, but it went straight to voicemail and you left them but knew he would never listen to them but you still gave some sort of notification. You finally pulled into your apartment complex and walked into the building and took the elevator to your floor. When it dinged and you got out and started to walk towards your apartment everything was silent and that scared you. You took your key out and unlocked the door and was immediately met with the smell of alcohol and there was Taylor leaning against the wall arms crossed with a bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand. “Where the fuck were you?” He asked in a demanding tone.

“I was down at the firehouse filling out some paperwork. I told you I was doing that this morning.” You said 

“No, the fuck you didn’t.” He growled out and then threw the bottle at your head which had you ducking but the glass shattered and nicked you and the rest of the contents went everywhere and on to you.

“You’ve been drinking. I did tell you this morning.” You said not daring to move. 

“No, the reason you’re so late is because you’re cheating on me!” He said, stalking closer to you. 

“No no I wasn't, I swear. I was at the firehouse. You can call down there and ask them.” You said as he was face to face with you. He didn’t say anything but instead slapped you hard across the face, he was strong so it sent you crashing into the side table. Tears sprang to your eyes as you braced yourself on the table. 

“You fucking bitch! Always fucking lying to me!” He growled out and grabbed you by your hair. You grabbed his hands and then threw you into the floor. Tears fell down your face.

“I’m not lying. I swear. I would never cheat on you like you do to me.” You said and that was a mistake and you knew it was a mistake and you wished you could take it back. His foot came in contact with your ribs and you could feel a couple of them break. You tried to protect yourself but that just made it worse. He was grabbing you by the hair again and bringing you to your feet. You were out of breath and you couldn’t catch it. He made a fist and punched you and blood instantly started to pour out of your nose, which meant that he broke it. He grabbed your throat and your airway was instantly cut off and he just continued to squeeze until you were almost blacking out. He backed you up in a glass cabinet and it shattered on contact and you could feel glass digging into you. He laid a few more punches into you and then he was throwing you down on the ground one more time and the air rushed back to you but it didn’t last long because he was kicking you in the stomach. 

“Stupid bitch!” He yelled out and then he was storming out of the apartment leaving you there bleeding and crying. You pulled yourself up and steadied yourself on the wall until you got to your purse and then you were falling down on the ground with your purse. You pulled out your phone and dialed 911 as you were starting to fade in and out of unconsciousness.

“911 what is your emergency?” The dispatcher asked.

“My boyfriend just attacked me.” You slurred 

“Is he there now?” They asked again.

“No, he he stormed out. He’s been drinking. He slammed me into glass, punched me several times, kicked me in the ribs and stomach. I’m bleeding a lot. I need help.” You said and you told your name, address, and the name of your boyfriend and then you were passing out. 

*******************

“What do you think about adding a roommate?” Shay asked Kelly as they were sitting down on the couch.

“Why would we need a roommate?” He asked

“Well, rent is going up and having another person would help with that and help. Also, groceries are going up and having a third person splitting it would help too.” She said 

“We don’t need a roommate; we have everything under control.” He said he liked his space but having a third person might help out. She didn’t get a reply because her phone was ringing and she was quick to pull out and she frowned and Kelly took notice of this. “Everything ok?” He asked.

“Med is calling me.” She said and she was quick to answer it.

“Shay, it’s Maggie. A Y/N Y/L/N was just brought in and you were listed as her ICE number in her phone.” Maggie Lockwood said

“Is she alright?” Shay asked, already getting up and rushing to grab everything she needed.

“No. She came in unconscious and that is all I can tell you until you get here.” Maggie said

“I’ll be down there as quick as I can be.” She said 

“We’ll see when you get down here.” Maggie said and then they were hanging up. 

“Everything ok?” Kelly asked

“No, Y/N is at Med.” She said, slipping her coat on and grabbing her keys.

“Y/N, the new paramedic that just started working there a week ago?” Kelly asked

“Yes, I got to go.” Shay said and was rushing off leaving Kelly there at the apartment alone. 

Shay got to the hospital in record time and was parking and rushing in. She ran up to the receptionist desk and was about to start asking where you were but the voice of Will Halstead quickly called out her name “Shay.” He said and she looked up and he was waving her over.

“Will what the fuck happened?” She asked and he was guiding her to your room. He didn’t say anything as he stopped outside of your room and she looked through the window and saw you and her heart broke she turned to Will.

“She was brought in with multiple lacerations, a broken nose, several broken ribs, internal bleeding which we had to go in and fix which we just got down with, and she also had strangulation marks around her neck. It was bad. We almost lost her once on the table. I had to get Jay involved.” Will said and Shay was speechless. It was so bad that he had to get his brother, Jay Halstead, involved.

“Do they have anything?” She asked

“No, they are waiting for her to wake up to get more information.” He said and Shay nodded. “If anything happens or if she wakes up. Let a nurse know and I will be down here.” He said and she nodded and then he was patting her on the shoulder and leaving. She walked into your room and pulled up a chair and sat down. 

“What the hell happened?” She asked, sighing not expecting an answer. She took your appearance in.

*********

The next time you were coming to you were in a hospital with blinding lights shining down in your eyes. You squinted and tried to move but everything hurt and tears sprang to your eyes. “Hey don’t move. You had some pretty serious surgery.” A familiar voice said and you opened your eyes to find Shay there sitting next to your bed. 

“Shay?” You asked in a hoarse voice.

“Hey, it’s ok.” She said getting up and leaning over you, blocking the light and pressing the call button. The nurse came on and she told them that you were awake.

“What happened?” You asked and she smiled sadly at you.

“I was going to ask you the same things. What do you remember?” She asked

“I remember coming home late from the station working on some HR stuff. I was late. He was drinking and started yelling and I was defending myself and he didn’t like that and then he was getting violent.” You said straining to remember. Just then Will was coming in along with Jay and Hailey Upton and Dr. Daniel Charles, you didn’t know him.

“Hey, Y/N. How are you feeling?” Will asked

“Sore.” You said and he smiled.

“You had a pretty big surgery.” He said “Jay and Hailey have some questions for you. Dr. Charles is here in support as well.” He added.

“Hi, I’m Dr. Charles and I’m the physicists here.” He said 

“You don’t have to tell us anything. You also don’t have to have anybody in her while he questions you.” Jay said and you nodded.

“I’m ok with everyone in the room.” You said and everyone smiled.

“Remember you don’t have to answer these. You also have every right to stop the questioning if you get overwhelmed.” Hailey said and you nodded.

“Do you remember what happened?” Jay asked and you nodded.

“Yes, I do.” You said

“As best as you can tell us what happened.” Hailey said and you looked at Shay and she smiled and nodded at you giving you an encouraging nod.

“I was down at the fire station working on some paperwork for HR by the time I left it was late. As I was driving home, I got caught in traffic. I tried to call Taylor on my phone through Bluetooth when I was stopped at a red light. He didn’t answer so I left a message.” You said and took a deep breath and started getting tensed and the heart monitor started to rise and Dr. Charles took notice of this. 

“Do you want to take a break?” Dr. Charles asked and you shook your head.

“No. I’m ok. Do I have to tell you the exact word for word he said?” You asked

“No, you don’t have to but you can if you want. It would help.” Hailey said 

“He asked me “Where the fuck were you?” in a demanding tone. I told him that I was down at the firehouse filling out some paperwork. I told him that morning.” You said. He said no growled “No the fuck you didn’t.” He then threw the bottle at my head which had I ducked but the glass shattered and nicked me and the alcohol went everywhere and on me.” You said

“Which would explain the smell of alcohol.” Will said and you nodded and then continued.

“I told him that he had been drinking and that I did tell him this morning.” You said. “He accused me of cheating and that was the reason I was late. He stalked closer to me. I told him no that I wasn't and that I swear. I told him I was at the firehouse. I told him that he could call down there and ask them.” You said “He didn’t say anything but instead slapped me hard across the face, it sent me crashing into the side table. I remember tears sprang to my eyes as I braced myself on the table. He yelled “You fucking bitch! Always fucking lying to me!” and grabbed me by my hair. I grabbed his hands and then he threw me into the floor. Tears fell down my face. I told him “I’m not lying. I swear. I would never cheat on you like you do to me.” I knew that was a mistake and I wished you could take it back. His foot came in contact with my ribs and I could feel a couple of them break.” You said and Will nodded confirming this. I remember trying to protect myself but that just made it worse. He was grabbing me by the hair again and bringing me to my feet. I remember being out of breath and I couldn’t catch it. He made a fist and punched me. I remember the blood instantly started to pour out of my nose. He grabbed my throat and my airway was instantly cut off and he just continued to squeeze until I was almost blacking out. He backed me up in a glass cabinet and it shattered on contact and I could feel glass digging into you. He laid a few more punches into me and then he threw me down on the ground one more time and the air rushed back to me because he let go of my throat but it didn’t last long because he was kicking me in the stomach.” You said and again Will nodded.

“Which would cause internal bleeding and cause you have to have surgery. It ruptured your kidney and it had to be removed.” Will said and Jay nodded as he wrote that down. 

“Are you good to continue?” Dr. Charles asked and you nodded.

“I remember him yelling “Stupid bitch!” Then he stormed out of the apartment leaving me there bleeding and crying. I remember pulling myself up and steadying myself on the wall until I got to my purse and then I fell down on the ground with it. I remember pulling my phone and dialing 911. I told them everything while starting to fade in and out of unconsciousness.” You finished and Dr. Charles was smiling.

“That was very good. Most domestic abuse patients wouldn’t want to give up their significant other.” He said

“He’s been doing it for 4 years.” You whispered 

“Do you mind if we take pictures?” Jay asked

“I don’t mind. I only want Hailey and Shay.” You said and they nodded and everyone else walked out of the room. She took the pictures quickly and then they were welcomed back in.

“We will put this man away.” Hailey said and you nodded and then they were leaving and now it was just Will, Shay, and Dr. Charles with you. Will and Dr. Charles talked to you a little more and then they were leaving.

“Do you have a place to stay?” Shay asked and you were silent and shrugged.

“I don’t know.” You said

“I will talk to Kelly.” She said and you nodded. She stayed for a few more minutes and then she was leaving bidding you a goodbye.

*********

When Shay arrived home, she was determined to move you in. When she got into the apartment Kelly was just plating food. “Hey.” He said looking up and seeing her.

“Hey.” She said

“Is Y/N ok?” He asked

“No.” She said as he handed her a plate of food.

“What happened?” He asked 

“Her boyfriend beat her up pretty badly. Bad enough to land her in the hospital.” She said and Kelly was actually mad. “I know you said you didn’t want a roommate but she has nowhere else to go. We have the extra room and she can make the payments.” Shay said and Kelly sighed he didn’t want a roommate but he couldn’t let you go back to that situation

“You’re right I don’t want a roommate but I can’t leave someone homeless or going back to a bad situation. She can move in.” He said and she sighed and hugged him after she put her plate down and he was fixing his.

“Thank you so much.” She said, the next time she saw you she told you that Kelly agreed and you were so grateful. You gave them the key and they went to pick your stuff up. It wasn’t much and that actually saddened them both. 

2 days before you got out of the hospital Jay and Hailey were coming in and telling you that your boyfriend, now ex, had been arrested and that he had been charged with domestic abuse and DUI. They had strong evidence against him. 

When you got out and to your new apartment your stuff had been put in the extra bedroom. Shay helped you unpack and once everything was done you joined them in the living room. “Thank you for letting me move in.” You said mostly to Kelly.

“I’m so glad to have you here.” Shay said

“You’re welcome.” Kelly said not sounding too enthusiastic but you took it. 

*********

3 months into living with them, Kelly had been getting to know you more and you doing just the little things and some big things helped and that made him slowly getting into having you as a roommate. He was also falling in love with you and you were falling in love with him too.

*

1 month

 It started out with you replacing everything that was low on stock into a month of living with them. You noticed that most of Kelly’s stuff was low so you, being a good roommate, stocked up on his stuff more and just stuff in the apartment in general. You were also having weekly sessions with Dr. Charles and weren’t there to see Kelly’s face when he noticed that everything of his and Shay’s stuff and some stuff that was hard to find like his and Shay’s favorite coffee creamer. 

Kelly and Shay had just got off work and it was a rough shift. You had taken a personal day off of your three-day shift and it was approved especially after what happened. You were at the hospital having an appointment with Dr. Charles. Kelly stormed in with Shay walking in behind him. The apartment smelled nice and it felt warm like a home. This shocked them both and they looked at each other then they saw the note: “Hey, guys I’m going to be gone for a few hours. Don’t wait up for me. I have some stuff I need to get off my chest.” 

“I’m going to take a shower.” Kelly murmured and Shay nodded as he walked into his bathroom, he noticed that fresh towels were hung up and when he looked into the shower, he noticed that his favorite shampoo and body wash were restocked. “How? It is so hard to find this.” He asked himself as he picked up the bottle. Kelly was slowly starting to come around to having a roommate but he wasn’t yet fully convinced. When Kelly had gotten out of the shower and changed, he heard laughter in the living room. He went out to see what was going on, he saw that you and Shay were on the couch laughing. You were laughing and turned your head to find him standing there and you smiled at him.

“Hey, Kelly.” You said smiling at him. 

“Hey, you have a good session with Dr. Charles?” He asked and you smiled at him and nodded as he walked in and sat on the chair beside the couch.

“I did. I was having a hard time with something about Taylor and it was stopping me from doing things” You said and he nodded and then you got to talking again but one question was on his mind when the current conversation came to an end he decided to ask the question.

“I have a question for you.” Kelly said and you turned to him and smiled and nodded as a go ahead. “I noticed that our stuff was stocked and some of the stuff is hard to find. How did you find it?” He asked and you smiled at him.

“I found them at this really small shop. They only carry the hard-to-find things. I’ve actually been looking for months around places and when I find them, I buy everything and then I found this place and boom there it was.” You explained and he nodded. 

“While we are asking questions. What did you do to make it smell so good in here? We couldn’t get that musty smell out of here.” Shay asked

“I used to clean a lot and while I was off, I deep cleaned. I also got some plugins and plugged them in the high traffic places. I wasn’t going to get a candle warmer because too many fires happen with those.” You said and they both nodded. Kelly couldn’t help falling further in love with you and how good of a roommate you were being. 

*

2 months

The three of you were at work and for once it wasn’t busy. Everyone was doing their own thing and even though the three of you were together at home you three were alone together at work. Rent was coming up and you wanting to be a good roommate actually went ahead and paid it all. “I haven’t noticed that the rent bill hasn’t come.” Kelly said.

“You know I’ve noticed that too.” Shay said and you were being quiet and they noticed this. “Have you noticed it too?” Shay asked.

“I paid it.” You said taking a sip of your hot chocolate.

“What?” They both asked and you nodded.

“Yes, I paid it. I wanted to show you how much I appreciated you guys letting me live with you so I went ahead and paid it all.” You said looking at your roommates.

“Y/N you didn’t have to do that.” Kelly said “We are roommates, we pay for the bills and food equally.” He said and Shay nodded.

“I know but I wanted to do it.” You said now feeling guilty for it. “I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.” You said feeling guilty. You felt so guilty that you decided to just leave feeling like they were angry at you and the look on your face broke Kelly he wasn’t trying to be mean he was just surprised. He and Shay looked at each other.

“Did I just make her upset?” He asked 

“I think we both did.” She said

“I’ll go find her.” Kelly said and she nodded.

“Ok.” She said she was going to offer to go with him but she knew that he liked you and maybe this would help you both get closer to each other. So, Kelly went on the search for you, he checked everywhere and couldn’t find you until he decided to check outside and there, he found you sitting on the firetrucks bumper that had been moved out to be cleaned. 

“Y/N.” Kelly said when he saw you and you looked up at him and you looked terrified and he hated that. “We didn’t mean to make it sound like we were mad at you. We were just surprised.” He said and you nodded. “Why did you do it? I’m curious.” He asked.

“I wanted to show my appreciation for you both letting me move in with you. I can afford it.” You said

“I’m not saying you can't. We appreciate it but we’re roommates and we split everything.” He said and you nodded.

“I know. It’s just how I was raised.” You said

“How so?” He asked and then you were moving so he could sit and he did.

“Believe it or not I come from a wealthy family. We get along great and the way we show appreciation. When someone finds out I have money whether it be male or female they either want to be my friend and use me for money or date me for my money and then they show their true colors.” You said and he nodded and listened and as he was talking to you, he was falling in love with you and as a roommate. You two talked until the bell was ringing.

*

3 months

By the third month of you living with them Kelly was 100% ok with having you as a roommate. He was also 100% ready to take it to the next level with you and he was planning to ask you out soon but that and among other things happened so much quicker. Since you moved in you cut all ties with Taylor and you thought he would be gone for good and that he was in jail but apparently had gotten out and you were shocked when you heard the news but he didn’t know where you lived, at least you didn’t think he did. You also had a restraining order against him.

It was just you and Kelly at the apartment since Shay had a date and was going to be gone for the rest of the evening until the morning. You and Kelly had been lounging on the couch when there was a knock on the door “Stay put. I got it.” He said getting up and walking to the door as you paused the show that you two were currently watching. You heard the door open “Can I help you?” Kelly asked.

“Oh, so she’s already moved in with another guy? It’s only been three months.” The familiar voice of none other than your ex-boyfriend, Taylor Hadley, sounded and you froze. You were quick to get up and go to the door but stopped far enough away but Taylor could see you.

“You need to leave.” Kelly said 

“No, I came back for what is rightfully mine.” He growled out and that made Kelly’s blood boil.

“She is not yours anymore. You need to leave.” He said blocking the entrance way. Kelly was a lot bigger than Taylor and he could easily take him down with one push. Taylor seemed to move on from Kelly and focused his attention on you.

“You’re such a fucking bitch. Sleeping with every guy you come across, especially that cop that arrested me. I’m going to teach you a lesson for cheating on me.” He said and tried to come in but was met with a wall of Kelly and he was quickly pushing him out. Throughout the whole deal you were as silent as you could be quickly becoming overwhelmed with his presence.

“It’s time for you to fucking leave. You’re not welcome here.” He said and pushed him out into the hallway and shut the door quickly and locked it. He pulled out his phone and made a quick text to Jay. Kelly turned to look at you and you were wide eyed and staring straight ahead and shaking slightly. He was quick to walk over to you and take you into his arms hugging you. “Hey, it’s ok. I got you.” He said into your ear and you hugged him back. After being in his arms for a few minutes you pulled away slightly and that caused him to look at you. You both stared into each other’s eyes and suddenly you were leaning in and kissing him. At first, he was frozen shocked but very quickly got over that and kissed you with so much passion that the only time you broke apart was when you needed air. Both out of breath you stared at each other and his eyes were hungry and he was quickly kissing you again and picking you up which made you squeal into his mouth and then he started moving towards his bedroom. You both kissed each hungrily, teeth clashing with each other tongues battling for dominance. As he entered his room and shut the door to where it was only a crack.

Kelly walked to his bed and when he was there, he slowly laid you down on the bed and was overing your body with his broad one. The heat was quickly rising but you didn’t want to stop. Clothes were quickly shed until you were both nude in front of each other. He went back to kissing you and you could feel his erection on your thigh. Kelly ran his hands up and down your body and his kisses trailed to your neck where you leaned it to the side moaning. “I love you.” You moaned out and he stopped and looked at you and that made you look at him.

“Seriously?” He asked and you nodded.

“Seriously.” You said and smiled and kissed you hard.

“I love you too.” He said when he broke the kiss. He brought his cock to the entrance and once it was seated there, he slowly eased himself into you and you moaned welcoming the stretch. It was painful at first but it soon turned into pleasure. He was bigger in length and girth than any of your exs, especially Taylor. 

“Fuck you’re so big. Stretching me so well. I always imagined being in bed with you and how big you were but you exceeded my expectations.” You said and he smirked into your neck.

“I’m glad I could exceed those expectations.” He said and he started to move which made you moan.

“Oh fuck!” You yelled out in pleasure.

“You’re taking me so well. Squeezing me so tight.” He moaned and in turn you squeezed him and he groaned. “Keep doing that and I won’t last long.” He growled out and that sent shivers, good shivers, up your spine. “You’re my good girl.” He moaned out and that made you wet. As he thrusted into you and made you see stars, in a good way, each time he moved inside you made you fall in love with him more and that familiar knot started to grow. Nails dug into his arms which were holding his broad body up from crushing you. 

“You’re making me feel so good, Kels. Don’t stop.” You moaned and he smirked.

“I don’t plan on it. Not now. Not ever.” He said and thrusted into you.

“Please go faster.” You moaned 

“Your wish is my command.” He said and picked up his pace and that just brought more pleasure to you.

“Oh fuck! I’m close, Baby. So, close!” You yelled out and he didn’t care that you were being loud he wanted to let everyone hear he was the one making you feel this good. 

“Who is making you feel this good?” He asked 

“You.” You moaned 

“Say my name.” He growled out.

“Kelly! Kelly is making me feel good!” You screamed out and he smirked.

“Damn right. Are you going to be my good girl and come for me?” He asked

“Yes!” You moaned out loudly as he brought one hand to your clit, leaving him resting his body weight on hand which was not a problem for him, and started to rub it vigorously which sent waves of pleasure throughout you. 

“Come for me, Sweetheart.” He said and as he spoke and that added pressure on your clit did you in and that knot exploded and you were coming hard and squeezed him tightly.

“Oh fuck!” You yelled out as you came and he was close behind you painting your walls white with his cum. Both of you were sweaty and out of breath as he slowly and gently pulled out of you as he pulled back the covers. He pulled them up and you shimmed under them and he laid them over your naked bodies. You cuddled into him, face in his chest and he wrapped his arms around you. “I meant when I said I loved you. I have fallen in love with you over these 3 months.” You said he searched his face as he smiled.

“I’ve fallen in love with you romantically and as a roommate over these 3 months too. To be honest I didn’t want a roommate but having you as one has been perfect. I want you to be my girlfriend and take you out on a date.” He said and you smiled.

“I would love that. Although we skipped some steps.” You said chuckling and he chuckled too.

“We did but it was worth it.” He said and you smiled and nodded.

“Definitely was.” You said and yawned.

“Get some sleep. I’ll be here in the morning.” He said and you nodded and you closed your eyes and fell to sleep. As soon as he felt you breathe even out and that is when he allowed himself to fall asleep.

The next morning Shay was rolling into the apartment early and was confused when she didn’t hear the two of you up and her eyebrows furrowed. So, she went on a mission to find out where the two of you were. Both vehicles were here and you both clearly weren’t in the kitchen, dining room, living room, and she couldn’t imagine why you both would be in her room but she checked anyway. She then checked your room and the both of you weren’t there. A smile grew on her face as she was starting to pieces as there was one last room to check. The door was cracked and she silently opened it and there the two of you were naked cuddled together sound to sleep and she was overcome with joy. She backed out moving the door back to where it was beforehand and made her hand into a fist and fist bumped the air. All along she wanted you to move and the two of you fall in love and after 3 months it happened. She made her way to the kitchen and started to make coffee. 

You were slowly waking up and at first confused as to where you were and who was holding you but you quickly remembered and smiled at the memories that came flooding back from last night. You looked at the peaceful look on Kelly’s face and slowly leaned up and kissed his lips and he squinted in his sleep but he was slowly waking up. He cracked his eyes open to find you smiling at him. “Good morning.” You whispered.

“Good morning.” He replied in a gruff voice, smiling.

“Last night was wonderful. I never knew sex could feel so good.” You said and he kissed you.

“I will make you feel good every night for as long as you let me.” He said and you smiled.

“Please.” You said 

“Gladly. Want some pancakes?” He asked and you nodded as your stomach growled.

“Yes.” You said and he kissed you one more time before he was getting up and pulling on his boxers and sweatpants and you admired his god-like body and then you were rolling out of bed and pulling on your underwear and grabbing Kelly’s discarded t-shirt that came down to your thighs and covered everything. Kelly watched you the entire time.

“You look good in my shirt. You should wear my clothes all the time.” He said and you smiled.

“As long as you will let me.” You said and he smiled and then you two kissed each other and headed out of the living room and into the kitchen. As you were nearing the kitchen bacon was heard sizzling and as you walked in there was Shay fixing breakfast.

“Good morning love birds. Have a good night last night?” She said smirking and you blushed and Kelly smirked.

“We sure did.” He said and you smacked his chest but you couldn’t help but agree.

“Soooo how did it happen?” She asked

“Taylor found out where I lived and tried to start something and broke his restraining order and it just went from there.” You said as she handed you a plate of food and Kelly a plate of food. You both went to sit down next to each other and then she was bringing drinks over.

“I have to say I’m really glad that she became our roommate.” Kelly said and she smiled.

“She really is the best.” Shay said

“Stop you guys.” You said and Kelly chuckled.

“She’s telling the truth.” He said as he took a bite of his food and so did you. As the three of you ate and talked about everything you could feel Kelly’s hand on your bare thigh and you looked up at him and he was fully focused in a conversation with Shay and you listened loving hearing them talk but you were just enjoying his hand on your thigh and being close to him. As Shay looked down at her phone looking at and still talking Kelly looked over to you and into your eyes, his eyes were filled with love and so were yours. 

“I love you.” He mouthed and you smiled at him.

“I love you too.” You mouthed back and he smiled and you honestly meant it. You couldn’t wait to spend more time with him as your boyfriend. 

Tag list:

@kmc1989

@els-marvelvsp

@atarmychick007

@nyx2021

@grandstrangerphantom

@angenu01-blog

@talesofreading

[solarwoniii]

there's an angel in my bed ! shen quanrui

happy ricky day !

smut, fluff a lil angst, long distance relationship, boyfriend ! ricky x fem ! reader minors dni !

synopsis ; you come home early to surprise ricky on his birthday

contains ; soft dom ! ricky and sub ! reader, pet names ; baby, angel, pretty girl, ect. rough sex, penetration, cunnilingus, fingering, lingerie, creampie, unprotected, marking, dacryphilia reader has a thing for ricky's glasses (dont we all though)

wc ; 2.3k

📨y/n ; OMG U STUPID LOSER HAPPY BIRTHDAY

📨ricky ; THANK U BABYYY

📨ricky ; 12 MORE MONTHS! I HAVE THE DAY PLANNED OUT WE'RE GNA BE CELEBRATING FOR MY BDAY AND FOR YOU OFFICIALLY FINISHING YOUR STUDYING 💪💪

📨y/n ; uhmm abt that

📨ricky ; ?

📨y/n ; . . . im sorry :(( i should have told you earlier, i wish i didn't have to spring it up on u like this on ur birthday . . . i cant come back next yr either :((((

📨ricky ; oh . . . it's okay :) i understand, i can wait

📨y/n ; i love uuu :(

📨ricky ; ilyttt :DD do u have time to video call or is it too late over there ?

📨y/n ; i can't i'm sorryyy i feel so bad :((

📨y/n ; i sent u a gift tho !! the app says it arrived at your house a few mins ago

📨ricky ; NO DONT FEEL BAD it's okay :) i'll go check now

a disappointed sigh left ricky as he rose to his feet from the couch and trudged over to the front door.

you were studying abroad, as you had been for the past year. and although it was hard for him to say goodbye, and even harder for him to handle long distance, he wanted to be happy for you.

and the two times you had visited were the best moments of his life.

you had planned to visit him again today and stay for a week or two to spend some time with him on his birthday. but things hadn't gone as the two of you had hoped. an exam came up that was way too important for you to skip. and even if you tried to skip, ricky insisted that you stayed and focused on your passion. after all, there was always next year.

well. not anymore.

but it was okay. he had to stay optimistic. if not for himself, then for you. you were out there, doing what you loved. and what kind of boyfriend would he be if he stopped you from that? he could make some sacrifices.

but that didn't stop him from feeling upset. he was really looking forward to next birthday.

ricky walked through the hallway, running his fingers through his hair as his hand found the door handle, unlocking it.

as he opened the door his eyes met yours and he was sure his heart stopped from pure and utter shock.

the angelic face he'd missed seeing in person for months on end beamed with happiness and love.

"surprise!" you giggled with jazz hands.

"y-you're here."

"i am." you smiled, and picking up a plastic container that was sat on top of one of your suitcases, "and i brought cake! happy birthday. do you like the gift i sent?"

his eyes were wide as saucers as froze in his spot, clearly at a loss for words. you laughed, handing him the box and opening the door wider to make room for your suitcases as you let yourself in. he quickly came to his senses and gave you the cake in exchange for carrying your suitcases as the two of you walked side by side to the kitchen.

"i thought you couldn't make it this year . . ?" he asked, "what about your exam?"

"well," you said, putting the cake down on the kitchen counter, looking up at him, "i talked with my professor and he let me sit the exam a little early." you explained, putting an arm on the counter and leaning against it, "so i spent the rest of last week planning my surprise."

ricky was silent. he bit his bottom lip and looked down at you with glossy eyes. your eyebrows knitted together with concern as you reached up to cup the side of his face.

"hey, don't cry." you said softly, tilting your head to the side. ricky put his arms around you, burying his head in your shoulder, sniffling and shuddering against your skin as he gripped onto your shirt.

"i missed you so much." he mumbled.

"i missed you too."

he pulled away from you a little, looking down at you with his slightly reddened eyes, holding your cheeks in his hands and connecting his lips to yours in a loving kiss.

when he kissed you once he couldn't stop himself, growing increasingly needier for you as he did it again and again.

"can't believe i survived without you for four whole months," he whispered, lips not leaving each others in lustrous affection as he put his hands on your waist.

"ricky, slow down!" you giggled as he fluttered soft kisses across your jawline, "i'm not going anywhere anymore."

his lips met yours again, "m' not letting you go anywhere anymore." he whispered, "let's go upstairs, come on."

he held your hand tightly as he brought you up the steps and into his bedroom, closing the door behind him and continuing to kiss you.

he walked you backwards, stilling himself as the back of your knees hit the bed, putting hand on the back of your head as he laid you you down, hovering his tall figure over you, pinning you down with his arm around you.

his hand moved to his face to take his glasses off before you quickly held onto his bicep to stop him.

"hm?"

"don't." you said.

he smiled, "what is it with you and my glasses, hm?"

"they make you look hot." you said matter-of-factly.

"mmm." he hummed, as if he was deep in thought, bringing himself closer to you, nose grazing over your neck, "really?"

"m-mhm." you replied, shuddering at the way he was teasing you.

you gasped as he latched his lips to your neck, kissing, sucking, hickeying the supple skin.

"ricky," your grabby hands gripped onto his soft blonde locks, wanting something grounding.

"tell me, pretty girl." he whispered, looking down into your lust-burning eyes.

"i love you."

ricky smiled, pecking your forehead.

"i love you too, baby." he grinned, "is this alright?"

you nodded, looking up at him with soft doe eyes.

"need to hear you say it, love."

"i w-want you, ricky."

his fingers fiddled with the hem of your hoodie once he heard your clarity, "can i take this off?"

"mhm." you hummed, holding your arms up to assist him in pulling it over your head, eyes widening at what you had underneath it. a white and blue lingerie set made from flowy satin, bows around your neck and decorating the piece, ribbons cross-sectioning over your chest and stomach. you looked beautiful. angelic.

ricky gulped.

"do you like it? i bought it last week." you smiled.

"i think there's an angel in my bed." he said under his breath, struggling to pull his eyes away from the new set to look into your eyes. you giggled at his flustered state.

"do you really like it? i was worried it might not complement my body, or-"

"no. fuck, no. it's perfect. you're perfect."

your face heated up at his words as he keened into you, kissing down your body and making gentle reddening marks all over you until his head was between your legs.

"wanna eat you out." he whispered, pecking your inner thighs.

"o-oh, the skirt can come off, i can just-" you reached down to the waistband, ricky's hand catching yours before you could do anything.

"no."

"huh?"

"i want you to keep it all on. gonna look after my pretty girl in her pretty set" he said huskily, moving your now limpening hand to the side and holding it, loving how quickly you melted at his words.

you gasped as he kissed your clothed clit, tongue pressing against the satin material.

"o-ohmygod, ricky-" you shuddered, biting your bottom lip as he pushed the fabric to the side, licking a gentle stripe up your dripping heat, his head following the motion as his heavy-lidded eyes laid on your body.

"taste so sweet, baby. missed this pretty little pussy so much." he grunted, reluctantly letting go of your hand to hold your squirming hips down as he ate you out. he didn't waste any time once he had tested the waters, tasting you like he'd been starved all this time.

and he had. starved of you, the same way you'd been starved of him all these months.

you'd tried touching yourself at the thought of him in the time you'd been apart, and it helped a little, but it was nothing compared to ricky. he knew your body better than you did yourself.

his soft, slick-covered lips closed and enveloped around your sensitive clit as two of his fingers pushed into your yearning entrance, making you whimper from the sensation of his both his fingers and mouth at once.

your fingers found themselves caught in his hair once again, tugging at the strands when his fingers curled up in that way that had your eyes rolling back until stars appeared in your vision.

ricky smirked at the way you shook from his touch, releasing your swelling clit from his mouth as he looked up at you.

"come on baby, stay still for me." he said softly, watching as you let out a prolonged whine when he stilled his fingers, feeling your orgasm start to eb away.

"m' sorry! please don't stop, p-please i'll be g-good." you babbled, a droplet of spit dripping from the corner of your mouth. ricky laughed, moving his fingers again as he continued to stimulate you, coming back up so he was at eye level with you. he cradled your face, thumb wiping away the drool from your mouth before kissing your cheek, "my dumb little baby."

"f-feels so good ricky, th - . . . ink m' gonna-" you whined, the rest of your sentence getting stuck in your throat as you threw your head back from pleasure.

"yeah? you're gonna cum for me like a good girl?"

you nodded desperately, "c-can i please?"

"so polite," he smiled, "of course you can pretty baby."

at his words you came undone, eyes screwing shut as tears escaped them. ricky cooed at you, kissing the droplets as they raced down your cheeks.

"you did so well for me baby." he praised, putting his essence covered fingers to your lips and watching as you sucked on the slender digits.

your eyes still closed as you felt his tip rub against your clit, your teary eyes opening to see it. you bit your lower lip at the sight of something you had craved for all this time. the pinkened, bulbous tip running through your folds, still glistening from your previous orgasm, beautiful cock now getting covered in your slick.

"are you ready for me?" he asked.

you nodded eagerly, propping yourself up on your elbows, watching as his tip slowly disappeared into you until he filled you up all the way. the both of you moaned in unison at the feeling. your head fell back onto the pillow as he pulled in and out of you, engulfing in the sensation of pure bliss and need.

"you like this baby?" he grinned.

"m-mmh! love it s-s' much!" you trembled, holding onto his arms on either side of your head, caging you in him. your nails sunk into the skin, as he sped himself up, pretty tip hitting each and every spot.

"tell me more, pretty." he pushed gently. your legs wrapped around his body, more tears falling from your eyes as your lips quivered.

"f-feels so good wh-when you - oh my g-god - when you pin me d-down on your bed like this and f-f-fuck me."

"mmh." he hummed in response, cock now pummeling in and out of you and pace that had to be considered monstrous. he clearly was expecting more out of you, but your brain felt blank as he fucked you into an undiscovered state of oblivion.

ricky chuckled at you.

"is my baby too stupid to even think for herself? hm? can't function when i fuck you, can you?"

ricky loved the view he had before him. his beautiful girlfriend laid in his sheets, wearing what had to be the prettiest thing he'd ever seen, only visible thanks to the luminous moon through his window shining down onto you, making your eyes sparkle as tears danced down your flushed cheeks.

his climax began to feel ever so close, and it was clear yours was too as your body began to give out on you beneath him, tiring from so much at once. your mouth agape as whimpers and sobs left you, echoing through the room.

"s-so close, ricky." you mumbled.

"i know baby, cum for me when you're ready, okay?"

"ricky." you cried for him, eyebrows furrowed and lip reddened from biting down on it so hard. you looked so cute in this moment. so fucked out you had forgotten about the whole world around you.

"tell me baby."

"w-want kisses."

he smiled, leaning down to give you what you wanted, kissing you all over before meeting your lips in gentle loving kisses.

you whined against his lips, legs shaking as your second orgasm crashed over. he hushed you carefully, cupping your face and wiping your teary eyes with his thumbs as he finished inside of you.

you shuddered and sucked in a sharp breath as he pulled himself out of you.

"ricky~" you whined, heavy-lidded and eyelashes wet from your tears, head rolling off to the side of the pillow.

"it's all good baby. i've got you." he whispered, kissing your forehead before getting out of bed.

"where are you going?" you asked, holding his wrist weakly before he could leave.

"i'm just gonna get you something to clean up with and some clean clothes, yeah? we can go downstairs and eat cake after."

"mm-kay." you whispered, loosening your grip on him so he could leave to the bathroom, coming back as he promised, cleaning you up with the warm, dampened washcloth in his hand before helping you change.

the rest of the night was filled with love as the two of you ate cake and watched movies together until the early hours of the morning, when you fell asleep in each other's arms.

[reallyromealone]

hello if it's not much of a bother I'd like to request a bonten fic where they forget their lover's birthday, like he prepared their favourite food and even decorated their house but bc they had to deal w something important at work they forgot his birthday and even arrived home late. just pure angst pls (totally not bc of my nearing bday) have a great day/night!

It was supposed to be a happy day.

"Why am I even decorating for my own birthday?" (Name) mumbled teary eyed as he glanced at the clock it was a quarter to midnight already.

He made their favorite food on HIS birthday, he always put so much effort for them and they couldn't even attend an event he had to put together, hell Kokos birthday was all out!

(Name) wiped the tears away and tossed the food in the trash, the concept of it all sickening as he went to the guest bedroom, staring off to the wall "happy fucking birthday..."

It was three am when Bonten returned home, exhausted "what were we supposed to do again?" Rindō asked a little tipsy, the men having a few drinks at the business meeting "oh shit.." Mochi said wide eyed, immediately sobering up as they took in the penthouse, half torn decorations and thrown out food "shit..."

(Name) had locked himself in the guest room, the men knowing better than to try and break in.

Come morning (name) was silent as he came out of the guest bedroom, looking like he just survived a tornado with teary eyes and fixed himself a glass of (preferred drink) and paid none of them any mind "baby?" Ran asked the man who sat on the couch and stared at the tv that wasn't on "were sorry" Rindō said earnestly and the others nodded in agreement.

"Y'all can go fuck yourselves" (name) said simply, surprising Bonten as (name) was never the one to swear "how fucking come I am setting up MY OWN BIRTHDAY AND MAKING FOOD YOU SELFISH ASSHOLES WANT ON A DAY ABOUT ME?! SERIOUSLY WHAT KIND OF "LOVING HUSBANDS" MAKES THEIR OWN HUSBAND PUT TOGETHER HIS OWN BIRTHDAY AND THEN EXPECT HIM TO PUT THEIR PARTY TOGETHER?!" (name) was furious at this point, all his rage bubbling up to the surface as he stood up "baby calm--""don't tell me to calm down! I'm fucking furious!"

(Name) pushed them away and stomped off "we were busy!" Kakucho tried explaining "funny how you guys are always busy when it's stuff relating to me, my birthday, meeting my parents, any time I got sick... Hell our anniversary! I'm never a priority unless you guys need a good fuck!" (Name) was done as he grabbed his keys "call me when you assholes get your shit together" (name) said storming out, leaving Bonten alone.

"Oh we really fucked up" Koko said as the others nodded as a wave of realization washed over them that this may have been the final straw.

And they didn't even realize until it was too late.

[tangyswriterstudio]

stupid ruggie bucchi x Alexithymia reader angst

a/n happy bday ruggie

You were rich, like filthy rich.

Some people say that your wealth could compare to Kalim's.

So when you first met Ruggie, he was collecting dandelions for who knows what.

"Why are you taking the dandelions?"

"Well you can use them in soup, use it as medicine, I'm sure you wouldn't understand" he responded.

From that day on, you decided to look after Ruggie. Well more pay for his expenses.

He was grateful, yet suspicious. Why would you do this? Are you just toying with him? Were you being forced? You didn't seem to have a happy face on you.

Eventually his birthday rolled around and he seemed to be having a grand time with all the food and presents. But something was missing. Someone was missing.

His eyes darted around the room looking for you. Was this the grand prank? You do all these things and ditch him on his birthday? He wouldn't say he was shocked but a bit disappointed.

After all the celebrations, he returned to his room and shut the door. As he stood in front of his bed, something caught his eye. A box tied neatly by a ribbon lied there.

He untied the ribbon and opened the box revealing a letter and a uniform. The letter wrote.

"Dear Ruggie, I am sorry that I missed out on your celebration. My birthday gift to you is this new uniform perfectly tailored to your personality and the way you move. I've noticed how large and tattered your hand me down was so I got this for you.

Another thing is, I love you. For the longest time I have been thinking of ways to tell you and I hope you can accept my confession by your own accords. If you do choose to accept then please meet me at the Botanical garden.

From, l/n."

"Tsk. Yeah right." What did you think he was stupid? He knew what these rich people do for entertainment. He was a bit skeptical but now he knows your toying with him. Someone as rich as you wouldn't like someone like him.

He crumbled the letter and threw it away before doing his own thing.

It was sad. While you patiently waited, you knew there was no hope of him coming. But you waited, you don't know why you didn't just leave.

And for the first time in forever, you cried tears of frustration.

This is stupid. Falling in love was stupid.

fun

[joshushuaji]

another friend || w.jh x afab!reader

꩜ genre / tws . fluff, angst, has some swearing, mentions of a cat's de@th, reader is depressed, jun is your cutie bf to comfort u <3

꩜ wc . 1.2k (1240)

꩜ synopsis . after losing your cat that you grew up with since you were 13, your sweet boyfriend found another way to cheer you up other than using his words.

꩜ a/n . this is a late bday gift for my baby boy, jun. i hope you guys like it!! (i'm doing a hoshi one next then i'm going to be releasing my seungcheol series <3)

sfw masterlist > here .

jun silently looks at himself in the bathroom mirror before hearing a loud buzz coming from his bedroom.

he turns off the lights before walking towards the noise, soon finding out that you were calling him. he answers the phone with a warm smile on his face, “hey baby, do you need something? i miss you.” he asks, with a chuckle.

you sniffle quietly, trying to calm yourself down and as soon as he heard that he asked you if you were crying to which you confirmed you were.

“what's wrong? did something happen? do you need me to come over, my love?” his sweet, sweet smile disappearing as you let out a stuttered “yes”.

you look at your phone through tears, your vision slowly getting blurry as you try to stay in contact with jun but there was no point because all the words that he just said went into your left ear and went out the other.

the last thing you heard from him was “i'll be there in a few minutes.” before he hung up.

jun rang the doorbell to your apartment and surprisingly, your mom opens the door.

“ah, jun.. i didn't expect you to be up this late. i told y/n to not call you because i thought you were asleep.” she says with an awkward smile though her expression didn't last long.

jun shook his head nonchalantly, “i've been staying up lately because i have work, eomeo-nim.”

she nods her head. “right, come in. y/n's in her room, sweetheart.” her mom offered one last smile before jun disappeared from her sight, walking towards your bedroom.

he knocked gently on the slightly open door, “y/n, love? i'm here.” he entered your room, opening the lights as he let out a devastated sigh when he saw you lying on the ground with empty beer cans everywhere.

he sat down on the floor next to you, “what's wrong now, hmm?” jun softly ran his hands through your hair as you slowly sat up and hugged him.

he hugs you back with no hesitation and you started sobbing loudly in his arms. “my cat.. ming— ming is dead, junnie..” you stutter.

he strokes your back as he struggles to find the words to comfort you but as a few seconds pass, he manages to discover the right ones; “i'm so sorry, y/nnie.. i'm sure ming's watching you in heaven, i know it. someone else has to take care of him now that he's in the afterlife , but he'll always remember that you're the first and only person that's in his heart.”

“come on, baby. don't cry anymore, okay? we're all here for you. it's hard but i promise you'll feel better soon. ming's missing you too and i'm sure he wants you to be happy, even if he's gone.” he wipes your tears off, placing a kiss on your forehead while he massaged your hand.

you lean in and give him a peck on the lips, “i love you, junnie.” you sniffled, smiling a bit. “i love you too and so does ming, so stop crying now okay?” he smiled back.

recently, you moved in with your boyfriend since your job was much closer to his house and so was his. when jun knew about this, he was more than happy to help you out with moving into his apartment because he's always been lonely ever since minghao left to spend his vacation in china with his parents.

it's been a few months since your beloved cat's passing. you've moved on with the help of jun but of course it still saddens you when you think about ming.

you're left alone in jun's apartment, waiting for him to arrive home from work; it's been a stressful day for you— you had to take care of rude customers and the cafe was packed with so many people, you almost bursted out of that place in anger.

walking towards the living room, your body falls limp on the brown sofa.

you suddenly hear the door open and immediately stand up, knowing that it was your boyfriend. “love, i'm home.” he says as you came running into his arms, not letting him put his bag down.

“hi junnie.” you say, smiling as he placed a kiss on your forehead. “hi y/nnie.” he replied back and chuckled as you let go of the hug to let him take his shoes off.

“i have a gift for you, baby” jun said and god, he fell in love when he saw your eyes widen. he looked at them as if there were sparkles in those eyes, so plain yet so ethereal. “why don't you go wait in the living room and wait for me?” he says and you oblige quickly.

he opened the front door to grab the portable pet carrier from one of his friends that were waiting outside, thanking him one last time before he left.

“y/nnie, are you still in the living room?” he yelled, but not too loud to which you replied with a gentle ‘yes, i am’ before he proceeded to enter the living room while carrying a pet carrier.

you confusingly look into his eyes and back at the object he was carrying, not knowing what to say— or what it was either. your curiosity killed you.

junhui sits next to you before holding your hands and looking into your eyes. “baby, i know you've been wanting another cat ever since ming's passing. so.. i, um,”

your eyes widened and tears started welling up, “what the fuck?! are you serious junhui?! did you get me a kitten?!” you freaked out, hugging him immediately after he nodded to your questions. he stroked your back as you sobbed into his arms, humming.

“o-oh my gosh..” you say, looking at the kitten that he took from the pet carrier and now presenting it to you. “it's a little guy! this is the best gift ever, junnie..” you sniffled.

and as you thought that things wouldn't get worse, the kitten meowed at you. it meowed at you. and you felt your heart swell, hearing its first meows right in front of your eyes. “oh my.. he looks just like ming, doesn't he?” junhui pets the kitten as you admired it.

“you sweet baby.. mommy and daddy junhui will take care of you.” you booped its nose and sniffled as you smiled through your tears.

junhui looks at you with pure adoration, he can't help himself but admire you. even while you were crying, he felt like you were the most beautiful person he's ever seen in his entire life. just as he was getting lost in his thoughts, you made eye contact with him and gave him a peck on the lips as well as the kitten he held.

“thank you, junhui. i love you so much.” he cupped your cheeks and pulled you in for one more kiss before you pull away, not wanting to suffocate the kitten in between your bodies.

“you're welcome and i love you too, my love.” he smiled as he gave you the kitten and watched you for the rest of the day playing with your new pet.

he was so happy and he wished that life would be like this forever. you were his source of happiness and he wished that you were still his by the time both of your hairs turn white.

a/n 2: if you liked this, please like & reblog tysm! support an underrated author <33

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[taeyongdoyoung]

summary: you're tired of your relatives asking you if you're still single every Christmas. on the spur of the moment, you lie that your have boyfriend. luckily, your best friend sweeps in like your knight in shining armor to save the day pairing: jin x reader genre: romcom with a lil angst, best friends to fake dating to lovers warnings: nosy annoying relatives, lying, fake dating trope, one bed mentioned, some crying, insecurities, confessions, kissing, it is quite mild tbh author's note: the title is super lame but hey, Jin likes dad jokes so here we go 🤷 also i intended to post this for his bday but didn't have enough time to finish it word count: 2.4k

Christmas is the loneliest time of the year for you. Even though you spend it with your relatives, they always make a point of asking whether you are still single. Spoiler alert: you are. It's gotten annoying that they don't appreciate you for your academic and personal achievements and they are only interested in your relationship status. You are so tired of the recurring question which is why you dread Christmas so much. A few weeks before it, you get a call from your parents.

"You're coming home for the holidays, right?"

"Of course, mom," you respond, rolling your eyes.

"So…have you found a special someone?"

There it is. Again. Ugh.

"If I hear this one more time…" you sigh.

"Got it," your mom chuckles condescendingly, which frustrates you to no end.

You don't know what spirit possesses you to do what you do next but the words are out of your mouth before you can think twice about it.

"I actually have a boyfriend but maybe if you weren't nagging me about it every Christmas, I would have told you earlier."

"You do?" your mom exclaims, surprise evident in her voice."Well, isn't that wonderful! You should bring him, introduce him into the family."

"He's really busy, mom, I don't think he'll make it," you keep lying, trying to get out of the situation you'd brought upon yourself.

"Nonsense, no one works on Christmas. I expect to see the happy couple soon. And no excuses!"

Before you could argue, your mom hangs up. Great. Now you have two weeks to magically find a boyfriend to bring home for the holidays.

You are sitting on your best friend's couch, playing games with him.

"Damn, you're so good at this!" you shout in fake annoyance at being defeated but you are actually happy for him. You know how much Jin loves winning.

"What can I say? I was born this way," he smirks confidently and puts the console on the table.

"Humble, as always," you tease him, nudging his shoulder.

"So, do you have any plans for Christmas?"

"Ugh, don't remind me."

"Why? I thought you loved Christmas movies and decorations and all things Christmas-related," Jin tells you and you are beyond touched to have someone who knows you that well and remembers such details.

"I do, but…I got myself in a bit of a predicament."

"Do share," he turns to the side so that he can face you.

"Well, you know how my relatives always ask whether I'm still single? And they're especially persistent around the holidays."

"I know," he laughs. "You've only complained about it like a hundred times."

"Sorry," you grimace at your own predisposition to torment your best friend everytime something goes wrong in your life. "So, um…this year I told my mom I have a boyfriend."

"And I learn about this now?" Jin puts a hand on his heart, expressing disappointment that you'd kept such a big secret from him.

"What? No, I don't have a boyfriend. I lied to my mom and now she expects me to bring a guy to meet the family."

"Oh, shit," he now understands why you're not looking forward to Christmas.

"Yep. I'm such a mess. Everyone will be so mad at me when I come home alone. Again. Kill me now."

"Well…you don't have to be alone."

"Huh?"

"Hear me out. What if I pretend to be your boyfriend? Just for the holidays. Then, your relatives would get off your back."

"Jin…I can't ask this of you."

"Good thing you're not asking. I came up with this brilliant idea myself. If it bothers you, you can tell them we broke up some time next year. Don't you want one Christmas of your relatives not repeating the same old annoying question?"

"I do want it, more than anything. But I would hate to inconvenience you…"

"Come on, it will be fun! My parents are spending this Christmas in Australia, drinking cocktails and soaking in the sun. It's not like I have anything special planned. It would be delightful to spend it with my best friend," Jin keeps talking and you are almost convinced.

"What about your best friend's super messy family?" you try to change his mind.

"Oh, I'm sure I'll charm the pants off them."

You are not worried about how your relatives will immediatelly fall in love with Jin. You are concerned that it will be you being charmed…

You are revising every small detail while Jin is driving his car to your grandparents' place.

"When did we start dating?" you ask him.

"Three months ago. We naturally realized that we are great friends and would make an even greater couple," he responds without hesitation. "How did I ask you out?"

"You told me I am the best thing that happened to you and I would make you the happiest man in the world if I went on a date with you," you reply naturally. "What was our first date like?"

"We went to watch a movie together, after that we had dinner at a lovely restaurant and I walked you to your apartment where I kissed you in front of the doorstep."

"The roses! You forgot to mention the roses!" you cry out, almost panicking. This has to be perfect or your snoopy relatives might suspect something.

"I was supposed to bring roses to your grandparents? I thought the wine would be enough," Jin mumbles in confusion.

"No, for the first date details! We agreed that you'd mention the roses. What if…what if they ask and we mess something up and…"

"Darling, relax. We've got this. We've been best friends for seven years. We know each other well enough to handle anything."

You try to ignore the way your heart flutters when he calls you darling. Damnit. When he'd suggested pretending, you hadn't thought about the fact that it wouldn't be pretending on your part.

"Do you trust me?" Jin asks.

"Unequivocally," you assure him. It is yourself you don't trust.

Once he parks the car, you are immediately greeted by a bunch of your relatives.

"Come, come! It is lovely to meet you," your mom welcomes Jin.

"Mom, this is my best friend," you say by force of habit and then correct yourself, "and now my boyfriend, Jin."

"Nice to meet you, ma'am," Jin shakes her hand politely.

"Pfft, call me by my name," your mom says and introduces herself.

Quickly enough, your poor bestie is hounded by your grandparents, your aunt, your cousin and her kids. It's a lot of excitement considering you'd just arrived and you are already looking forward to going to bed. You love your relatives but sometimes they can be…a lot.

Jin, however, seems to be thriving. He talks to your mom about cooking, to your grandparents about fishing and politics, to your aunt and cousin about acting and singing. Even the kids seem to love him, as he takes the time to play hide and seek with them. He also promises to build a snowman with them when it is warmer tomorrow. You have no reason to worry and yet, seeing him naturally fit in with them on their first meeting…when you have felt like an outsider your whole life, is enough to bring tears to your eyes. You excuse yourself from the table, saying you need to use the bathroom.

Not expecting anyone to notice your absence, you cry quietly in your room, feeling as if you have never been good enough and your relatives were always disappointed in you. You hear a soft knock on the door, which takes you by surprise.

"You alright, love?" Jin asks.

You let him in and he wraps you up in one of his warm hugs that have the magical ability to make you stop crying.

"What's wrong? I thought it was going well," he whispers, not wanting anyone to overhear.

"It's going splendidly," you agree. "It's just that…they love you more than they do me."

"That can't be true, you're the most precious granddaughter, niece and cousin anyone could possibly have."

You sniffle and look up at him.

"You only say that 'cause I'm your best friend," you try to make light out of the situation.

"Girlfriend," he corrects you with a wink.

"Right," you chuckle through the tears.

"Come on. Let's not give them the opportunity to discuss us behind our backs," Jin jokes and you decide to return to the table. He gives you the strength needed to face them again.

The Christmas holidays go by smoothly and in the blink of an eye. The days are filled with laughter, hot chocolate, yummy meals, wholesome Christmas movies, cozy socks and snowball fights with your cousin's kids. This might be the best Christmas you've ever had. You wonder if it's Jin's presence that made it so special and heartwarming. During the family dinners, he is the life of the party, always knowing the right thing to say to each and every one of your relatives. And when the two of you are alone, cuddled up in your room, he is your rock. You know you can count on him and tell him everything that has bothered you. And you know that he would understand you and comfort you like nobody else could.

Which is why it hurts so much when he is now driving you both back to the city. The pretense is over. You would no longer have an excuse to hold his hand or sleep in the same bed as him or kiss his cheek so openly. He is back to being your best friend. And perhaps that's the way it should be. You couldn't risk your friendship by doing something stupid like confessing your undying love for him. No, that would certainly be a terrible idea. Perhaps more terrible than having him as a fake boyfriend for the holidays.

"What's on your mind?" Jin asks.

"Hm?"

"I can see the gears turning in your head. Something is bothering you."

"Hey, aren't you supposed to look at the road instead of the gears in my head?" you tease him.

"I can multitask. Come on, just tell me."

"It's nothing. I just found myself wishing the Christmas holidays could last longer. I really had an amazing time, which doesn't usually happen around my relatives."

"Glad I could be of service," Jin smirks proudly, making you laugh. You would never grow tired of his casually confident nature.

Silence ensues for a couple of minutes and you are back to worrying and thinking about your unresolved feelings for your best friend. When suddenly, he interrupts your thought process with an unexpected suggestion.

"How about we have a second Christmas?"

"A second Christmas?" you repeat in confusion.

"My place. Just the two of us. We'll do all the things we didn't have the chance to do at your grandparents' house."

"Such as?" you inquire, wondering what you've missed.

"We'll play games and I'll make you my famous roast beef. We'll have midnight snacks and watch anime with no one judging us. We'll bake Christmas cookies together and we could even go ice-skating."

"That…sounds lovely. I'm in," you immediately agree, excited to have a second Christmas with Jin. Maybe, just maybe, a miracle will happen.

The next day, you arrive at his place and are amazed to find how magically decorated it is.

"Ta-da! Welcome to your own personal winter wonderland."

"My goodness, Jin, it looks incredible! How did you achieve all this so quickly and all by yourself? You must be exhausted."

"Nah, it was my pleasure. And besides, seeing the smile on your face is the best Christmas present I could hope for," he responds.

"Merry second Christmas to you, too," you grin and give him a hug. It feels so natural and like you were meant to end up right there.

As promised, the two of you get to do all the things you couldn't at your grandparents'. You watch the spiciest animes with zero shame, you eat ramen at 1am and you play violent games that would make your relatives gasp in horror. It is genuinely the most incredible Christmas. Even more incredible than the time you spent with your family.

But all good things inevitably come to an end. Tomorrow, it is time for both you and Jin to go back to work. And with that, the magical holidays will be over. You don't want them to be. You wish you could stay in this bubble forever, with Jin's arms wrapped around you.

"I should probably head home. You have to wake up early tomorrow."

"Or…you could stay. We can share the bed," Jin suggests and you can swear you hear a hopeful hint in his voice.

"Jin…we're no longer surrounded by my nosy relatives. You don't have to pretend it's okay with you to have me intruding on your personal space."

"Who said I was pretending?" he whispers and you probably shouldn't but you allow yourself to dream. There is no way he feels the same…or is there?

"Don't…don't say stuff like that if you don't mean it," you mumble, feeling more vulnerable than ever.

"I'm tired of hiding it, sweetheart," he sighs and presses his hand against your cheek. "I only offered the whole fake dating thing because I was hoping you would finally get the hint and realize how important you are to me. But in case it wasn't obvious enough, let me spell it out for you. I. Am. Crazy. About. You."

You blink in shock.

"Pinch me so I know I'm not dreaming. You…like me back?"

"How about I do something better?" Jin smiles softly and leans in to kiss you. It is slow and sweet, just as how you'd imagined it hundreds of times. No, scratch that. It is so much better. He makes you feel so special and loved. You wish you had confessed earlier. You have been missing out on so many Christmas kisses.

"Look up," Jin says gently once he finally breaks the kiss.

You do as he asks and you realize that you have somehow ended up under a mistletoe decoration he must have put up and you haven't noticed before.

"Aww, man, did you only kiss me because of that mistletoe?"

"Let me take you to my room and prove you otherwise," Jin vows, grabs your hand and urges you to follow his lead.

Christmas is truly the most wonderful time of the year.

The End

[jillsc6rs]

I Guess ✯

pairing ｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+ jill valentine x fem ! reader

warnings ｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+ angst , hurt no comfort , break up , pet names (baby, babe ect.) , ooc (?) , not proof read , poor grammar...maybe , messy writing , very short sorry

a/n ｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+ i was writing this while i was still upset over my breakuo but now om fine.now. sorry for no posts lolol...i might post a bday special soon bcus my bday was like days ago too LMAO...I rly dont like rhis as well its so messy and i have like.major writers block🥹🥹

I guess, I guess, I guess this is the end / I’ll have to learn to be somebody else / It’s been you and me since before I was me / Without you, I don’t yet know quite how to live

You considered her your soulmate and you thought she did as well. If only you knew she had been planning to leave you.

Jill had came back from her recent mission in Alcatraz and you jump to greet her.

“Hi, baby, how was the mission?” you go in for a hug only for her to push her arm out, rejecting your hug.

“It was...fine. Like any other mission.” words are muttered as she pushes past you to put her bag down.

“Oh. Okay, well, it's nice to have you back home.” smiling, trying to cover to ache in your heart. She rarely ever rejected your hugs after missions, she even said she loves your embrace after. You follow behind her as she walks to the kitchen.

“So...do you want to d—”

“Can you just leave me alone right now.” you blink, trying to process her reaction. You nod, understanding the mission was probably a lot. You never know what happens with those but all you know is that there's probably a chance one day she won't come home.

You sit down at the kitchen table to finish your work while Jill rummages through the fridge.

For the rest of the day, Jill avoids you. She just stays in the living room watching some television.

It's night time now - you're worried about how Jill's acting.

“Babe, you gonna come to bed?” voice quiet, you place your hand on her shoulder. She shrugs it off and mutters a ‘no’

Nodding, you go to the bedroom and soon fall asleep.

You're awaken to the sound of rustling and hurried steps. Reaching over to Jill — she's not there and her side is freezing. She hasn't came to lay down at all. You look at the time, it being 4:38 a.m.

What is she doing up this late?

Sitting up from your spot, you use your phone screen to shine around the room and you notice Jill is rummaging through her wardrobe.

“Babe? What're you doin’...” voice groggy from just waking up and you notice she stiffens for a moment.

“I'm sorry but—” a beat. Pure silence while the two of you stare at eachother.

“We're done.”

A pit in your stomach forms, an ache forming in your chest, at a lose for words. Everything hurts, you can only utter the word —

“What?”

You get off the bed and walk towards her, you reach to rest your hand on her shoulder and she moves away.

“I'm sorry.”

She finishes packing her bags while you go back on the bed, the only thing filling the silence of the room was your choked out sobs.

Jill looks back at you and grabs her bags, uttering one last ‘goodbye’.

Now you're left alone in your bed that feels freezing, alone with your sobs and the memories you had of the great times the two of you had.

a/n 2 ｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+ im also in Another relationship. with the same person. i loce them si juch :3