#i'm so upset LOL

[petpetpinixy]

myy chair is breaking it keeps lowering itself and the arm rests don't stay up. don't do this to me i need to draw

[mintjeru]

ah. it's so over for me <3

[bluesthebest]

Thanks Tumblr for eating my reply to my asks 😑

[superfluouskeys]

ohhhhhhh this sucks so much lol, i stepped on my ankle a little wrong so i prob have to stop dancing for the night

[katzenklavierr]

Deleted all those posts but man it's been awhile since I've just had a genuinely shit day and it keeps getting worse lol

[teaboot]

if ur a murderbot nerd now do u have any fun opinions abt it yet?

Oh my goddd you have no idea

I really, really, really like Murderbot because it comes at life with this perspective we don't often see that is very real among people who have already been through traumatic experiences, who developed skills and abilities to suvive that were once useful but no longer have context- that search that traumatized people go through to recalibrate and reorient ourselves in a world where we no longer really need those things to survive.

A bit personal here, but my own issues personally involved a lot of psychological abuse that made it difficult to trust my own perceptions of reality, and as a result I found I was very easy to lie to and manipulate.

To handle this, I became obsessive over writing things down, cataloging details and making notes of things as they happened- I'd carry recording devices and make audio recordings and stay up late at night to transcribe what they'd picked up, read those over and over again to reassure myself of things I wasn't certain about.

While doing this, there were others close to me that I felt responsible for, who I had to protect from others and protect myself from at the same time. Life was about two things: Evidence, and defusing threats

Over time, I learned to trust myself as my memories matched what had been recorded where their narrative didn't, but I never really kicked the habit. Like Murderbot, I had added something to my own programming that reassured me I was safe, that I was in control of myself, that I couldn't be mistaken or crazy or broken or used.

I'm only on book two, but already I see myself in Murderbot again. No spoilers here, but when I left home- left that dangerous context- I didn't need to repeat these patterns to survive anymore, but I still did, because I didn't know anything else anymore. It felt safe, comfortable, knowing knowing that the past couldn't repeat itself, because I'd written that flaw- blind trust in myself-  out of my programming and replaced it with something else.

Still, though, I'd become something specially suited to thrive in a very specific environment. Nothing else felt right like followinghigh-risk situations, like witnessing and watching and recording and knowing I had proof of the truth where others might not.

People took notice. I wound up in security by accident, but's an environment that I thrive in due to the same patterns and behaviours I originally developed when I had no other choice. I climbed the ladder pretty quickly, once supervisors caught on that my reports were the most accurate, most objective, most factual, detail-oriented and timely. I keep others and myself safe and prioritize public safety above all else, and I perform well under pressure

Now I'm in a position where I often wonder, do I enjoy this job, or is it just what I'm good at? I have a set of skills now, but do I have the option of choosing not to use them? What would I be, if not this? Could I be anything else? Can Murderbot be anything else?

It has a set of skills that set it apart, make it different, special. It does what it knows best. But is it free? Does it want to be? What does it want? Does it have to do what it was built to do? What if it didn't?

I know what I'm good for. The idea of deliberately leaving what I'm good for for something uncertain, that I might hate, that I might be useless at- the choice to give up what was so important to me for so long and become deliberately obsolete?

Let go of my entire purpose? The only thing I know, that I fit so well into but don't actually know if I enjoy? Now that I can choose? Now that enjoyment is a luxury I can afford to consider?

Yeah, that resonates.

I like the Murderbot series so far because it feels the way I feel: Like the most significant and formative part of my story, the part where I became what I am, has already happened

And now I have to just. Keep going

Into... what?

It feels absurd. Like a microwave giving up on reheating food and deciding to start a life around abstract dance.

So, uh. Yeah. It's really very wild to see this same philosophical-ish dilemma I've been digging over in the back of my mind and in therapy for the last forever laid out so plainly in a genuinely exciting and enjoyable story like this. I feel much less alone, and I... kind of really need to see how it resolves, I think.

So, uh. Yeah. Read Murderbot, I guess

[northstarscowboyhat]

The go to ship for destressing doodles

[majimasleftasscheek]

I'm slowly recovering from my sickness lol how's everyone liking infinite wealth so far?

[somedecrepitcryptid]

My last wip before my pen kicked it.

-I love drawing Mac (and another monkey👀) in modern clothes

[pseudophan]

i'm generally trying to avoid talking too seriously about this video cause it's honestly just all really upsetting, but i can't shake the feeling that dan was editing the tour trailer at the hospital not just to have something to pass the time but specifically because it's this huge thing they're about to embark on that has to happen. it's planned, it's happening, there's no going back. phil can't die cause he's got too many things to do in the near future, he's fully booked, there's no time for any of that dying nonsense. i think focusing on their next big project probably helped dan stay somewhat calm cause by working on it he's assuming it's happening and if the tour is happening that means phil made it through

[azure-clockwork]

I love three houses discourse because I'm pretty sure everyone just picks their route based on which house leader they're the most gay for and then tries to defend their pick by pointing out the other sides's war crimes via twitter memes. Reader, all four of them do substantial quantities of war crimes. So many. We're just here because the woman with Issues and a big fuck-off axe said so, and then we gotta justify everything she did in the name of dismantling the class system. I mean, I'm here for that, but you could also try justifying Charm Man uses poison and perfidy to try to stop racism, A Sad Little Meow Meow gives no quarter instead of doing therapy, or the Thicc Pope tries to bring back her mom via human experimentation, depending on your tastes

[gummi-ships]

Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance - Traverse Town

[autisticandroids]

CASTIEL: Stop. What's the point if you don't mean it? You fear me - not love, not respect, just fear.

[youtube with closed captions]

a godstiel pity party. i'd like to thank an anon i got way back in february of 2021.

[ushsblog]

¡Teen Cedric and Teen Greylock! (And my hcs on them)

Yeah so I was thinking about how much I wanted to draw Cedric with long curly hair

Greylock is hiding something behind his back. My hcs down ↓

I also wanted to say that Greylock enchanted his bag so that it has no bottom and he takes out many things from there. (There was no more space to write that lol)

[hajihiko]

the sketch turned out pretty so here no context its sap night tonight

[kaliforniahigh]

Hi, everyone!!! Just wanted to give a little advice: don't send the same ask to two writers, please.

I know it takes me some time to answer some of them, mostly because I'm focusing on my WIPs right now, but that's just the way it is 🤷🏼‍♀️

Some writers really dislike being sent the same thing that has been sent to someone else already, so it's good to avoid it.

I know people don't do it with ill intent, but I just wanted to give a heads up 😉