#i'm so tired i can't even be mad

[weewooooweew]

shoutout to my mom for making me want to die and caring so much more about my academic success rather than my overall physical and mental well-being

[sherurose]

"If you love me, you don't love me in a way I understand." - 'Wishbone' by Richard Siken x

[brionysea]

I know it's just the inverse of their s1 dynamic where jinx resents caitlyn's very existence while caitlyn routinely forgets that jinx exists, and cait then declaring jinx her mortal enemy while jinx easily evades her little fan club that's tearing the undercity apart looking for her and generally doesn't care IS very funny. but man what do you mean jinx and caitlyn didn't even get to beat the crap out of each other. what about women's wrongs

[thetardisisnotourdivision]

I am unreasonably upset about the fact that I've been forced to accept that Gabriel was a Gerald.

For context, in An Inspector Calls, Gerald Croft is engaged to Sheila Birling when he meets a homeless, struggling Eva Smith in a bar, and essentially in return for a home and money he shows her affection (ahem), then gets rid of her once he no longer has a use for her. Now, obviously this isn't a direct translation, but the essentials are - a Gerald is a character who uses another character, in return for something they need, usually masking the fact that they're using them with affection and love.

And against my will I've had to accept that this is exactly what Gabriel does to Nathalie.

Did I want to think he had potential to be better? Did I think he genuinely cared for Nathalie?? Hell, did I just really really want somebody to care about Nathalie???

Probably all of the above but the point is: he's Gerald. And I cannot - I literally can't unsee it now. Their whole dynamic in S3 is like “oh boohoo I'm sorry I wish you didn't have to use the peacock Miraculous and kill yourself over it but uh I need to use your powers” “yeah no that's fine I'm all good”. Which, given the "Gerald" theorem, I'm assuming leads to the fact that what Nathalie needed, above all, was someone to care about her - and Gabriel came along, as Sheila Birling puts it, "like a fairytale prince", and was so caring and gentle and... Yeah. She fell for him. And. Yeah he genuinely did seem to care like twice. But so did Gerald. Gerald actually admits that he did care for Eva, just not the way that she cared for him, and, uh, not enough to not just dispose of her. So he discards her anyway when she stops being useful.

Leading me neatly to my point.

He starts using the peacock Miraculous the second it's fixed, the slimy bastard, HOWEVER. It runs way deeper than that. Assuming I'm right (which I almost DEFINITELY am), then Gabriel only needed Nathalie while she was useful. She didn't stop being useful in season three - she's still scheming for him, helping him with plan after plan. It's only partway through season 5 that she officially servers ties with him, and starts to actively hinder him.

Nathalie stops being useful when she fails as Safari. And I reckon that's when Gabriel and Tomoe decided she had to go.

(It's painfully, I-was-ugly-crying-over-it obvious in Conformation that Gabriel is fully prepared to let Nathalie die - in the original storyboard, her alliance was encouraging her to sleep, and he's very obviously prepared for this moment - I've made a separate post about it that I'll link if I can find it. However, onto the next bit)

With all of this, there's one thing that sticks out to me - Nathalie didn't see any of it until it was already too late. There could be many reasons for this. But you know who would have seen through it? Whose parents were all loving and perfect until she married the wrong man? Emilie. Emilie, who left behind those videos, which on the surface look innocent, but when you look deeper look like a (love confession???????) AHEM a warning. I reckon Emilie noticed what was going on and realised that Nathalie wouldn't see through Gabriel, so she left those videos addressed to Nathalie (not Gabriel, which surely they should have been - they were about him, after all - unless they were there...) as a warning. I don't think the videos were supposed to be about helping Gabriel, I think Emilie was warning Nathalie to get the fuck out of that house, and to take Adrien with her. Because Emilie knew it'd end like this.

Yes I'm still mad ok give me a break.

[pseudophan]

gonna be so sad when tonight is the first preshow space with good audio and i'm asleep because i have a psych appointment tomorrow

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

Just once, I would like to be able to have a conversation about my feelings with someone where they don't, at some point, start trying to explain to me why something happened such that they are either implying or outright stating I should stop having noticeable feelings at them about a thing and/or telling me that I'm wrong about how I feel and actually if I just understood this thing I would see that I'm being unreasonable to say I feel the way I do.

Just once, for someone's response to be "it sounds like you're feeling [insert thing, e.g hurt, sad, scared, tired, angry, etc], I'm sad that you are dealing with that." Not to take responsibility for my feelings! But for them to acknowledge that they're happening and might matter to me before they move on to whatever the fuck next thing they have to say is

[thedreadvampy]

unfortunately the world is too fucking messed up so I am currently unable to give a shit about how messed up everything is because it's all too big and if I get upset about any of it my entire ability to be a person will come crashing in

normal service will resume as soon as possible

[like-tears-in-rain-storms]

Look, this is not gonna be a discussion.

I don't care what you think of J. K. Rowling. I don't care if you think she's transphobic or not, if you support her or not, if you think Harry Potter is a good series or not. I conversely don't care what you think about Neil Gaiman, whether he's actually guilty of what he's been accused of, whether you've been a fan, whether you agree with his politics, whether you're left or right or progressive or conservative or whatever. This is not what's this is about.

What this is about is this take I saw on youtube today (and right under a thread full of I am assuming left-wing people congratulating themselves about how much they care for victims of SA and thus they are holding Neil Gaiman accountable for his alleged crimes, and his definite unethical behavior (even though the accountability, as with others, was some time in the coming), in contrast to their political opponents, and denigrating their ability to read anyways to bout.)

"I can't feel the same about Neil Gaiman and Rowling. He might have done bad things to people in private but at least he didn't spread hateful rhetoric."

.....

I'm gonna say what should not need to be said. There is no world and no moral code other than the most ridiculous and unacceptable on planet earth where words weigh heavier than actions. If you ever find yourself even approaching such a mindset, then stop, turn, and check yourself into the nearest psychiatric ward, go to a mirror, take a good hard look at yourself and wonder how you became intellectually and morally debased to such an extent.

Trigger warning because I'm gonna use a rape analogy to illustrate my point.

You are literally saying that you consider a person shouting vile rape threats to you in public worse than the person who will violently rape you in private while telling you how much they love and cherish you, and then will go out to bask in everyone considering them a good person for loving and cherishing you.

Just....stop. If your ideology is making you so vile, either examine th ideology, or examine yourself. If reading these people's fiction makes you so morally bankrupt, stop and go look at the clouds. If you are that way anyways, then God have mercy on you, but know that, for everything going wrong right now in the world, everything, you are a person who can and will only make it worse. Look at yourself, look around you, have some empathy, humility, do some self-reflection. Touch grass if you need to. And if you can't be decent, at least be silent.

[thatrandomlemononyourcounter1]

Aren't best friends supposed to listen?

[meownotgood]

it's just not my week so far..........

[oidheadh-con-culainn]

i'm sorry i'm not being fun enough on my personal blog which is the only place on the internet i get to just be a person and not have to be professional because it's the only place my colleagues and employers don't follow me but also i'm not sorry because sometimes being grumpy is part of being human and i'm so goddamn tired of having to perform perfection on the internet

[prettymediocrewizard]

unfortunate that I see it's apparently yaoi day and I have nothing new to show for it. I'll make up for it soon (ˉ▽ˉ；)...

however I'm gonna reblog some old stuff just for the occasion. So sorry to pop up a bunch lol

[bubaboos]

.

[hissterical-nyaan]

They ask why I'm always stuck on my phone, scrolling for hours and hours reading squiggly text on my phone

But they don't know it's what keeps me alive.... imagining myself in all this pain but in this phone I have people to comfort or mourn me. It gives me a glimpse of what could be....what I lost....what was never meant to be mine in this world to begin with

[daz4i]

i really truly genuinely cannot go one (1) day without wanting to die

[someprettyname]

Isagi save me isagi