#my bookmarks are filled with memories of dark nights eating me alive

[hissterical-nyaan]

They ask why I'm always stuck on my phone, scrolling for hours and hours reading squiggly text on my phone

But they don't know it's what keeps me alive.... imagining myself in all this pain but in this phone I have people to comfort or mourn me. It gives me a glimpse of what could be....what I lost....what was never meant to be mine in this world to begin with

[9tzuyu]

children of tragedy (rewrite)

note: heyo, rewriting an old fic of mine. i hope to be able to rewrite all 5 chapters quickly. if you guys don’t like it, i won’t continue because its kinda dark and idk i feel like no ones gonna like it anyways. please leave feedback though, im on my knees begging for validation. also sorry if its ooc, please forgive me.

++ sorry the beginning reveals how rusty my writing is </3

(*** i wrote this as as a fem reader fic because it worked easier with how i wrote things.)

+ please remember that this is purely a way to get out my own feelings/struggles in a healthy way. also i’m sure this works better as a ship fic, but someone asked for this version so yeah :).

** mistakes are mine im too tired and lazy to proofread right now.

warnings: talk of alcohol abuse, slight mention of domestic abuse.

🏷 @peggycarter-steverogers

ch.2 | ch.3

[love, fragility, and the memories that eat us alive.]

meeting wanda changed everything for you. she wasn't like anyone you’d ever known. she was always kind, never quick to lose her temper or scream and yell at you for things you couldn't possibly control. she was warm, tender with everything she did.

your relationship with her was very new to you. it was much different in comparison to your past experiences — and you weren't quite sure what to think of it. there was no doubt that you appreciated her and everything she did for you, but you were still waiting for her to snap. it was almost like a need burning throughout your body. being able to grasp the idea that someone could ever really, truly be gentle with you was out of the question. in turn, you’d push all of her buttons, hoping that she would get mad enough and get it over with.

no one could really fault you for it. the steady stream of abuse was the nearly the entirety of your life, both physical and mental.

lately wanda was having to pick you up from wherever she could find you, most of the time in the alleyways of of bars you’d been kicked from.

once you were drunk enough (anyone really) you weren’t afraid to say the first thing that came to your mind, offensive or not – which meant it was no surprise when you’d been involved in fights. the alcohol numbed a majority of the pain anyway, so didn’t really make much of a difference to you.

with this happening so many times, you figured wanda would be angry with you – perhaps so angry she would find it within her to hit you. but each and every time wanda brought you home, she made sure you were comfortable before tending to your inuries.

what you didn't know was that being so worried for you all the time, every second of everyday, was beginning to take a toll on her. wanda only wanted to fix you, but you were making it more than difficult for her to do that.

she knew very little about your past, simply because you didn't like talking about it and she didn't want to push. but there was no denying the fact that wanda was curious.

sometimes she would ask questions, only between the soft moments the both of you shared. much to her dismay, most of her curiosities were turned down. on the rare occasions you shared brighter memories of your childhood, wanda would bookmark them in the back of her head.

no harm would ever come from her, but you didn’t know that. at least not right now.

too many times had your exes used the trust you’d so politely given against you. to be fair with wanda though, you shared only the brightest parts of your childhood. they were very seldom, but the ones you could remember were the ones you enjoyed talking about the most. 

despite her limited knowledge, it wasn’t hard for her to tell that you’d already been hurt plenty of times before. apart from the fact that wanda was overall truly a good person, it made her even more gentle with you than she’d ever been with anyone before. 

on top of that, wanda wasn’t stupid. she picked up on every little flinch you tried to hide, or the times you had to ask her if it was okay if you could do something on your own free will, and she definitely didn’t forget about the countless times you berated yourself over small, humanly mistakes. a frown never failed to decorate her face when these things happened. 

wanda tried her hardest to make it known how much she loved you, and how she would never intentionally hurt you. she never once lifted a hand on you or raised her voice in the slightest, even when she felt like she’d met a breaking point.

the last few weeks seemed to be putting more stress on her than usual. the gashes on your body seemed to be cutting deeper and the bruises on your jaw and rib cage were beginning to turn a darker shade of indigo as each fight became more aggressive. your knuckles had been swollen, irritated to the point your hands trembled when your palms were held open.  

you completely missed how drastically wanda’s mood had changed. she became quiet, seemingly lost in thought most of the time until she needed to take care of you. she grew tired, a purple tint claiming a spot below the lip of her eyes. fifteen pounds of weight had shredded from her body and her head grew dizzy every time she stood up. none of that mattered to wanda though, you were her number one priority.

alcohol was the biggest issue in the way. if wanda could get you to stop drinking for just one night she might be able to reason with you. 

the brunette knew that was out of the question though, because she knew no matter how many times she told or expressed her love for you, you wouldn’t stop until you wanted to, not when she wanted you to. 

you never allowed yourself to be vulnerable around her, so she never knew how you truly felt about the things going wrong in your life. there was an unbearable amount of pain when it came to confronting what you tried so hard to push away. the idea of allowing yourself to heal, to mourn the things taken away from you caused a lump in the back of your throat. living in denial was the easiest way to cope - that was as long as you could bear the damage it created.

 (and whether wanda knew it or not, knowing that you were causing her so much misery was the worst feeling you’d ever faced. all she had ever given you was love and in return she was met with destruction.)

so once again you found yourself walking alone, a slight stagger between steps. it was cold, each breath exhaled from your lips could be seen vaporizing into the air. every movement ripped what balance you thought you’d gained right out from underneath you. the feeling of numbness in your fingertips brought your attention away from the fact that you didn’t know where you were. 

the buildings all looked familiar, but everything was hazy. being drunk wasn’t always the fun everyone bragged about. too tired to carry on, you found yourself slumped in the back of an alleyway next to a dirty garbage bin. it reeked of sour, expired food, but you’d given up on caring about anything else other than trying to drink yourself numb. 

your mind began to wander. flashes of early mornings with wanda’s hands wrapped around your waist, breath tickling the back of your neck while the sun began to rise started filling your thoughts. the warm feeling wanda gave you outweighed every bad emotion you could possibly think of.

but as you stared at the ground beneath your feet things began to spiral. your throat contracted, the guilt you tried so hard to swallow began clawing its way out of your body.

(and holy fuck you could not deal with this right now.)

you curled your head between your legs in an attempt to shield yourself away from something that was born from the inside.

it was too much.

without a chance to stop what was happening, your stomach began heaving. a mix of bile and alcohol drooled from your mouth as you continued to vomit.

you missed the sound of footsteps coming from behind you. the feeling of a hand on your shoulder caused you to jerk back, slamming your back into the brick wall.

“hey, hey, it’s me. you��re okay. it’s just me, wanda.” she cooed.

through teary eyes, you looked up at the woman in front of you.

she’s your girlfriend.

(but you weren’t sure that you deserved to call her that after everything you’ve put her through.)

“what are you doing here?” your voice wavered as you wiped your mouth free of excess vomit. you sniffled backing away from her.

she tilted her head, desperate to read what your eyes would give away. “i’m here to bring you back home. can you stand up for me?” you shook your head. you were too exhausted and dizzy from the alcohol to even think about standing.

“that’s okay,” she whispered. “here, i’m going to pick you up, okay? wrap your arms around my neck and your legs around my hips.”

“mkay.” your speech was still slurred, but at that point all wanda cared about was getting you home safe.

you didn’t remember the ride home or wanda carrying you out of the car to lay you on the couch. by the time she got the supplies she needed to wrap and tend to your wounds, you were completely passed out.

when you woke up you were greeted with a glass of water and an over the counter pain medication. you swallowed the pills and moved to set the glass on the coffee table, but wanda beat you to it and took it out of your hands. she smiled down at you, taking a seat next to you. she tucked your hair behind your ears, giving your face one last gentle stroke.

thats when you noticed her eyes were red.

you immediately sat up, crossing your legs and moved closer to her. you’d hoped to comfort her somehow, but the shake of her head broke sonething inside you.

you bit your lip, anxiety shooting throughout your body. she sensed your nervousness and took your hands in hers, rubbing circles on the outside of your wrist with her thumbs.

“i love you, you know that. at least i hope you do,” she let out a soft laugh. “but i can’t keep doing this.”

your heart dropped, and you could feel the all too familiar feeling of guilt building its way back up. you tried to speak, but wanda cut you off.

“i need you to hear this.”

when you didn’t respond she took the opportunity to continue saying what she needed to get out.

“i have exhausted myself to a breaking point. i can’t keep worrying about you every single night you’re gone. i can’t be there every time you need saving. i’m losing myself.”

she paused to check and see how you were handling her words. for once you weren’t shutting down. you were genuinely trying to process what she was trying to say.

(and she was so proud of you for that. she almost considered giving you another chance. but she knew for the better, she couldn’t do that. not to you, not to her.)

“i’ve packed your things. you can leave tomorrow morning if you wish, i don’t mind having you for another meal or two.”

she squeezed your hands and got up from the couch, allowing you to take in what she said. it was in that moment when you realized that even when she’d finally drawn the line, had enough, she didn’t yell at you. she wasn’t angry, she was just sad.

you were chasing after something that wasn’t there, and it never would be there.

and now you were able to register just how much you’d fucked up the one good thing in your life.

[storysofmyown]

Seven stages of love Chapter 3: Ludus

Summary: Ever since the Celestial War, since they all fell, Asmodeus has  dedicated himself to his sin. Not caring about anything else, but  drowning himself in the pleasure and ecstasy of it all. But not anymore,  now he cant even handle the idea of it. But, what else is there to want? After so long of having indulged in his sin, what is there than  Asmodeus is looking for, something that will fill him, and that wont  drive him to destruction? Perhaps his brothers can help him with that. Warnings will appear in each chapter.

Trigger Warnings: Self depricatement (?), anger, mentions of exhaustion. Please tell me if I forgot to add one.

Word Count: 3278

Read on ao3

It had been at the very least an hour, and Asmodeus eyes had yet to focus on the damn page in front of him. His eyes were looking at the words. He was reading and he knew what each word meant, but it all felt like his brain refused to understand what was in front of him. He read the same word over and over again but in his mind all he could think about was Leviathans words and what it all meant to him. His heart rate had been calmer than ever before, but that didn’t mean it was good. That only meant that he was in such a state of confusion he had to look up from the book to realize he was in Satan’s room. A faint memory came to mind of him waking up in the middle of the day and making his way here. But…it was all fuzzy. Perhaps the best way to describe it would be to say it felt like his memories were submerged underwater. There was a faint recognition of things, words, and moments, a faint recognition of his own feelings…of the things that had presented themselves, and how distant they felt to him.

But, it all just felt so out of place. He knew his body was somewhere in the House of Lamentation, but his mind was everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Almost as if it was traveling through a cosmic place with all the answers he could ever need; to all the questions he could ever ask. But instead of looking at the answers, he was in the middle. Just starring at the everything of the world through the eyes of an spectator, and not through the eyes of someone that had his own live. Perhaps, if he just reached out into the overwhelming darkness of the water that submerged his entire being, he would feel better. But how to reach out to the unknown? What if what laid on the other end was worse than what he knew now? In the end he let out an audible groan and set the book back on the stand, a pout on his lips.

“This is impossible!” He was incredibly tired. His eyes heavy and mind completely gone as he yawned and turned to Satan who was smiling foolishly at his book. That’s right, Satan had stayed in the room as well, but it’s not like either of them had registered each other’s presence. He had tuned out of the world entirely, and he was sure Satan had done the same. Speaking of which, the blond demon had muttered something under his breath, before proceeding to chuckle.

How in the world did he manage to pay attention to something for so long, Asmodeus wondered, before a sigh escaped his lips as he decided he should just give up this meaningless search that had become his life. Maybe it was time he finally accepted that there was no way he would ever understand the yearning that had kept him awake for so many years in the house. The aching to be simply hugged by someone who wanted to hug him. Perhaps that’s how he was meant to be for eternity. Had his father made it so he would end up as the Avatar of Lust as a punishment so that Asmodeus never felt that?

“Please, you don’t believe him, right?”

Satan spoke once again. Making Asmodeus raise an eyebrow at him as he decided it was enough self-deprecating for a day. Leviathan had made him question his existence enough the other day. And so, he proceeded to approach Satan, standing behind the demons couch and looking over his shoulder at the pages of the book.

“What are you reading?” Satan jumped, hitting Asmodeus in the face with his book, making the lustful demon groan a little as his hand flew to his face, tears burning on the corner of his eyes as he glared at Satan.  “What was that for?!” His comment effectively making the wrathful demon glare.

“Why were you reading over my shoulder?!” He snapped, glaring harder at Asmodeus which only made him scoff.

“I just wanted to know what you were reading, you jerk!” Satan stared at his brothers in confusion for a moment.

“…I thought you had gone back to your room already.” Satan’s sighs as he calms down, sitting in his original position.

“Well,” Asmodeus walked around the couch before propping himself on the other end of it. “you can be quite scary when we barrow your books. Hence why I was going to read it here and then go but…”

“But?”

“…I don’t know. I guess I just don’t have the attention span to spend hours reading.” Asmodeus shrugged, sitting on the couch before resting his back against the armrest, letting his head fall back as he stared at the ceiling. Breathing slower with each passing second, eyes drifting closed.

He was exhausted.

His eyes were heavy. He wasn’t hungry at all even if he had yet to eat anything since waking up. He was so incredibly tired, but during the night he couldn’t sleep. Part of him felt like it had been carrying with the same weight as Beel carried for hours on end, simultaneously feeling  like his legs wouldn’t be able to take him anywhere. It didn’t help that his brothers had been acting so strange with all the space…but perhaps it was his fault for worrying them. After all, Belphie and Levi probably already had told the rest of their findings. Satan was the only one that still treated him with some degree of normality. And even so he knew he was trying to act…gentler with him.

“…you wanted to know to what the book was about?”

Heh, another confirmation of his suspicions. Satan’s voice made Asmo sit up, looking at his brother with a raised eyebrow before nodding. He might as well try to act like his whole world had not fallen apart a few nights ago and unlike each passing day was eating him alive to the point where even the simplest task would make him go into a frenetic state. Oh well, might as well try to keep up the act. He looked at Satan before nodding, the demon not letting go unnoticed the lack of usual spark his younger brother had.

“Yes!”

“Well, in that case” Satan sighed, closing the book and looking at the back, examining it for a few seconds before nodding once more. “Very well, the story is about those two strangers.” He starts, looking at Asmodeus. “Two strangers that become the most important thing the other has.”

“Eh?” Asmodeus answered involuntarily. Shifting in his sit as he looked at Satan properly now. It was a…interesting concept.

Two strangers. They meet in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by everyone yet no one at all. The voices are echoed by how confused and lonely they are. But then…then they see each other. Satan said that they didn’t necessarily feel the sentiments that that word imply. That word...the one that kept coming back to him and placing itself against everything Asmodeus knew. That same word was plastered all over the book, in each page, and even in the cover. But even so, Satan stated the book claimed to not be that. He said…it was about some kind of…superficial sentiment. Some kind of crush they had. A brief moment of passion the two shared for one another after just that one moment.

Satan went on to describe their journey. And how as they slowly got to know each other they started to actually fall into a more intense feeling. But, to be fair, Asmodeus had stopped listening the moment Satan had said the first few sentences. Two strangers. Two complete unknown persons, and yet they managed to feel a certain type of affection towards one another. From all the people he had met, to all those he had merely shared a bed with. No names exchanged, no number, no way to see each other again, to those recurring visitors whom he had even their birthmarks memorized…he didn’t feel like that with any of them.

Were there people that could actually experience that type of devotion? Perhaps it was all just made up. Yeah, there was no way that existed. Have a sudden romantic infatuation for one another? Just like that?! No, Asmodeus refused to believe something like that could happen. It didn’t make sense at all!

“…are you even listening?” Satan’s voice finally registered as he sighed, closing the book and setting it down. “You are free to leave if you are that bored-“

“I don’t understand.”

“You weren’t listening to me. Of course you wont understand.”

“What? No, that’s not what I mean!” Asmodeus protested, half glaring at Satan now. Damn it, he was so damn confused. First Leviathan told him there was an entirely different kind section of that word, which was reserved for friendship, and platonic relationships. And now Satan told him that it was possible for two people to fall in adoration with one another although they were complete strangers?! He could have sworn that each time he learned something new it just helped to…to make him despise his sin even more.

Asmodeus took the book from Satan’s hand, the bookmark he had placed neatly between the pages falling, the page being lost as Asmodeus opened the book and scanned the first page, almost immediately devouring the content of the book like Beel would do with a restaurant if not stopped.

“…I was reading that” Satan protested, glaring at Asmodeus as he got to take the bookmark from the floor. The demon turned to place it on a table, before looking at Asmodeus. He had bag under his eyes. Something his brother would have never let be shown in the past, or let it be seen by anyone at the very least. Be it by an extensive amount of makeup or by his hour-long beauty regimen, it was strange for Asmodeus to let show anything that he deemed a “flaw” in his skin. And the way he was reading the book…he was desperate. A desperation Satan had certainly never seen in any of his family members to this day. “…you can give it back once you are done.”

“Mhm, yeah” Asmodeus answered briefly as he got up and walked over to the door, hitting the wall on his way out as his eyes refused to leave the page.

For the next 4 days, Asmodeus did nothing but be enthralled on the pages of the book. To be fair, he had finished it on the second day, but he had been rereading it. Over, and over again. Each time more vigorously than the last, his eyes jumped entire paragraphs he knew gave no useful information to the questions he needed answers to. How could two strangers fall in such a way for one another? How could it be that two complete strangers could experience more feelings on their first meeting than he had on his long life?! From the celestial realm to this very moment, the only feeling he could remember was that of lust and perhaps pity…sadness. No other feeling had ever made its way to him in the nights before, but now, now it was different. He felt something, and he wanted a certain feeling.

To him it was almost a lie. From all his experiences, never had any of the demons or demoness he had been with looked at him with something other than lust. They never sought to make a conversation that went past the names and the “where are we doing this?” In his mind it was impossible that a feeling so deep be felt so easily. Because if it did…then what would that say about him?

On the fifth night, as the dusk hit the Devildom, under what was the bleak light of the stars coming through the window, Asmodeus finished the book for the third time. His eyes focusing on the very last line. Those words. Those three simple words being muttered from one person to another. And no more words. Not an explanation, not a reason, not even a damn hint of why they felt like that on that very night. Asmodeus could feel some tears burning on his eyes as he glared at the book and threw it on the nightstand beside his bed. The stupid book had only left him with the same exact question that had been plaguing his mind from the night of his revelation. He hid under his covers, ignoring the ache of his heart, and went to sleep, only to dream of his inner broken, soul, and the void.

The next day, he went to Satan’s room to give him his book back. Praying to the father that had hurt them for the demon to not be on his room and he wouldn’t need to even mutter a word. But of course, that wasn’t the case.

“Ah, Asmodeus, I’m guessing you finished the book?” Satan’s voice was heard, prompting a sigh from Asmodeus as he fully stepped onto the room. The demon was on the high end of a stepladder, reaching for one of the top shelves.

“…yeah.” He spoke on a defeated tone.

“Did you enjoy it?” Satan asked, looking at one of the books, taking it out of the shelve and dusting it off. Asmodeus thought for a second. Had he enjoyed it? Well, its not like he was all that invested in the story. His focus was more on finding answers than it was on indulging into the story. And so, he couldn’t even recall the name of the characters, or the name of the book. Much less if he had enjoyed its content. But if he had to give an answer… “Asmo-?”

“No” They spoke at the same time. Setting the book down on the table, just as Satan looked down at Asmo, raising an eyebrow. He was about to ask why, but it would seem Asmo beat him to it. “How can two complete strangers feel something like that?!” He spoke, not even having given his brother another look, passing around the restlessly . Asmodeus tone increased slightly as he walked around the couch, hands moving and gesturing to the book. “Isn’t that sentiment supposed to be worked and developed with time as you get to know the person?! Isn’t it supposed to take years for people to finally realize the extent of their true feelings for another person?! It can’t be that simple! It can’t be as simple as walking into some place and making eye contact and just…and feeling it!”

“You don’t have to shout!” Satan spoke louder as well, before sighing as he watched Asmodeus shoulders drop and look away. For a moment Satan stayed silent as he analyzed Asmodeus words, thinking back to what he had read of the book before finally speaking. “…they didn’t fall for each other. At least not at first.” He states, starting to go down the steps of the ladder.

“Eh?!” Well that was a lie, Asmodeus thought. “Yes they did. The book describes it the first time they meet! They-”

“And upon their eyes meeting it was like the music faded. The bodies dancing around became shadows, all surrounded in black like the rest of their lives, only for the still barely noticeable grayish color the other made them see. With each step they took towards the other, the color became more vibrant, bright. They were like fire on a pitch black room for the other, and they smiled. For the first time, it wasn’t a calm or sweet smile. It was a nervous awkward smile, as they barely managed to announce their names. As they barely managed to exist close to the other.”

Satan finished quoting the book, making Asmodeus stare blankly at the demon as he frowned.

“Show off...” he remarked under his breath, just as Satan reached the last step, sighing. Instead of hopping onto the ground and walking over to Asmodeus he sat down, giving Asmo a look that made him step closer.

“The way it was described, the nervousness and awkwardness…I don't think they fell for each other, at least not in that very moment. Sure, they wanted to meet and get to know the other. And they found the other interesting, and upon that conversation is that they became important to one another…but I don’t think it was as intense as you think it was. It felt more…innocent.”

Innocence…that was something Asmodeus used to be familiar with. But he had lost touch with it the moment his body hit the grounds of the Devildom. Once he discovered this new world and all the things his body was capable of…the things his body wanted, he become detached from that part. Never did he imagine he would be missing that side of him. The side that didn’t need to be touched to be validated, and simply spending time laughing and talking would be enough to make him feel important. He wished he could go back to the moments where he wasn’t aware of anything at all. He missed not being himself. How cruel of the universe. To put right in front of him the description of what he had felt during those first encounters…the feeling he no longer experienced. The feeling of being alive as his skin was set ablaze by the wonderful sensations now he would hid from.

“…how cruel.” Asmodeus whispered, as he proceeded to sit beside Satan on the same step, resting his head on his brothers’ shoulder without thinking, their shoulders bumped together as Satan looked carefully at his brother.

“Cruel?” He raises an eyebrow.

“So…at first…they really didn’t feel anything for each other?”

“…I wouldn’t say that. They certainly felt something…but it isn’t the type of sentiment you thought it was. Truth be told…I think those two were so desperate to feel happiness and desired…that they fell in **** with the idea of a relationship and being wanted…and then it slowly morphed into what they had at the end. True, absolute devotion.”

Asmodeus stayed quiet at the mention of the word. But on his mind, there was such a turmoil that only grew with each passing moment. He didn’t know what he was missing. But he knew that when he found it, he would feel…whole. But each time he went to try and find it, he only came back with a bigger puzzle to resolve and with barely any pieces to put it together. With barely any grasping understanding of the subject that was torturing him night after night.

“…I still don’t understand.” He pouted, making Satan chuckle as he leaned back, resting his weight on his elbows as he tilted his head back, looking at the ceiling.

“Yeah, I think that’s the point. It isn’t something that we are ever going to understand. Not fully, at the very least, it’s just…it’s just something that is.” Satan sighed, before looking back at Asmo who still had the same expression. A lost one. “…but that’s better. In my opinion, at least. What fun is there to have in a question that is so easily answered?” Satan merely got a hum out of Asmo this time.

But the demon was listening. And he was wondering. Perhaps his brother was right…but he was not about to give up finding a concrete answer. After all, it was the only thing driving him at this point.

Ludus: Flirtation, playful, lively. The discovery of a crush, its rooted on having fun.

****

Hello~, I hope you all had enjoyed this chapter. This chapter was so hard to write, honestly. Mainly because I didnt know how to have Satan make the connection and explain it to Asmo, but here it is, and I really hope you all enjoyed it! next chapter will be published on Saturday like usual, until then!

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[ji-yaaan]

Hello Yam Yam. It's been awhile. Y'know, I don't really know what I want to drink today, so can I have some of that mystery tea with Riddle? Maybe some illegal h*nd h*olding can be involved? ಡ ͜ ʖ ಡ

°•°•°•𝓑𝓲𝓵𝓵𝓮𝓽 𝓓𝓸𝓾𝔁•°•°•°

Riddle Rosehearts x Reader Oneshot

Note: Not to be biased because I know you.... But frack it, I AM BIASED! Here have a oneshot I made in the toilet at 3am as I watch the Heartslabyul Tv commercial continuously sobbing- lololol jk.... oR iS it? Anyway... Have a oneshot made with my tears!

Warning: slight angst! ( ◜‿◝ )♡♡♡

[ 𝚃𝚎𝚊 𝚖𝚊𝚍𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚈𝚊𝚗'𝚜 𝚃𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚜 :') ]

A faint glow of the dim lamplight illuminates the still room swallowed by daybreak. Warm rays of light seeps through the lace curtains reflecting unto the boy whom laid peacefully in bed. Crimson red lashes adorned the smooth white skin that lies under.

Eyes that opened revealed the slate tinted irises that peered unto the bright windows. The birds that sung mellifluous songs rung from the trees into the lonesome room of the young boy. Dark circles that looked out of place painted his pale face that seemed more lifeless than the usual.

With the curtains that flew from the morning zephyr, the Colors that burned lit the the small bedrooms blinding the young boy. Raising a hand to block the blinding rays of light, a troubled sigh escapes his lips. "It seems as if it's morning now..."

Standing on his two feet, Dishevled crimson hair stuck to his forehead. He stood by the large bright windows savoring the morning breeze that blew past his finger, reaching out for nothing. He stared at his empty fingers that lost the hold of you, his thoughts that whispered in his brain the unspoken feelings he wished he had said.

How pathetic... He's stuck in a limbo of wanting to forget and wanting to hold on to the dissapearing memory of you. The constant chaos that gracefully consumed him, the fading daydreams he tightly held on to, the dreams that was now lost in the nights you won't spend together.

Another troubled sigh escaped past his lips yet again. The aurora skies that painted the clouds seemed duller than the usual... How nice it felt to view a world with rose tinted glasses... But that dream slowly crumbled at the grasp of his fingers...

Putting on his clean uniforms, tying up is necktie into a bow, he was ready to set off to do his routine at Night Raven Collage. Walking into the hall of mirrors in the early morning, his memory was still fuzzy. It felt as if moments and memories were cut off... Just like a vivid daydream that never happened.

"What even happened yesterday?" Riddle questions himself propping his fingers in his temple. Walking off to school never felt as horrible as this before. What really happened you ask?

Reminiscing on the events that unfolded, the boy tried to remember the cause of his misery... "Oh right... I almost forgot... Y/n left..." Eyes filled with melancholy stared at the floor, then to his shoes. He stopped in his footsteps feeling his stomach churn and his heart grow heavy. He can't help but make a pained smile in the middle of the halls as he stared off in the clear skies.

"How pathetic... I wasn't even there to send them off yesterday... I guess that was foolish of me to busy myself to forget about them... I wonder what they're doing now..." A troubled sigh escapes his lips as he clutch his chest from the unexplainable pain he felt.

"How jarring..." He continues his pace with heavy hearts. A drowning thought came to his mind "Dear heart... please let this feelings fade..."

Today really seemed dull. A wash of rain storm that poured down in the gardens of the Heartslabyul dorm, Rain that drowned the emptiness and sorrows of a young boy. The dorm leader drowned himself in unfinished paper works in hopes to forget his bitter woes of unspoken love that will never come true.

Words after words, pages after another, the hundreds of letters written across the papers, yet.... He still can't erase the vivid memory of you, just like a man hopelessly drunk in love... How pathetic...

4:30pm... During these times, it's usually at these hours where you serve him the sweetest chamomile tea that never fails to soothe him. Was it because of the warmth and aroma of the flowery tea? Was it because of the soothing properties of the tea itself? Of course not... It was because you were there to accompany him... You were there...

Now... You were just a fading memory that slowly vanished from his arm's reach... Maybe it's true with what people say... You will never know a value of the simplest moment, not until it becomes a memory you have no choice but to hold on to.

After a few moments of haze and confusion, stuck in a daze bewildered by the thoughts of you. A loud knocking came from the door, muffled by the loud roars of thunders and rain. Even if it was such a stupid and hopeless thought, a small part inside him wished it was you when the doorknobs turned and opened.

"Oh riddle... There you are. We haven't seen you much yesterday and even today." It was Trey... It was just Trey... Of course it was Trey. Oddly enough, Riddle felt like the stupidest man alive expecting you to come in from the door. He was truly disappointed from his own foolish fantasies. Just how stupid has he become, ready to beg just for a glimpse of you?

"Is that so? I'm a little busy yesterday and today... Maybe even tommorow too... I expect you to take care of the dorm as the vice dorm leader." Riddle sighs rummaging through the piles of documents scattered across his table.

"Riddle, I know what you're doing. You've been avoiding the first years since yesterday. Stop doing this to yourself, look at you... You look lifeless these days... You know... regarding about yesterday, Y/n-" Trey tried to reason with Riddle, only to be left to get cut off in the middle of his sentence.

"The troublesome first years ate the tarts in the fridge again... according to Rule#89: You must never eat my tarts without my permission. But I'm feeling merciful today, so it's not off with their heads yet. But do tell them according to Rule#53: You must replace the things you stole. Send my regards to them that if they don't return my tarts, it's off with their heads." The pen in between his fingers scratched aggressively at the thin papers beneath, the calm atmosphere in the room changed quickly in a bitter mood. Just with a single mention of a forbidden name, all reason and rationality was thrown off the window.

"Riddle..." Trey was just worried, a wash of worry and pain covered his face, but again, he was interrupted. "I expect one answer from you Trey." The slate irises pierced gazes at the third year.

"Of course, dorm leader..." Placing a tray of teapot and a tea cup in the desk, trey set off to leave the dorm leader's office.

As riddle was pouring a cup of tea in his teacup. The flowery scent of Earl gray tea enveloped the room for a brief moment. He could never get used to the bitter taste that lingered in his mouth with the bleak world without a glimpse of you. Even if it was just a voice... A strand of hair... Anything... Anything would be fine to feed his lonesome desires.

Whilst sipping a cup of his tea, his eyes wanders off in a corner you used to sit. How he fell for you easily, reminiscing on the days he saw your smiles and heard your laughter, the days he gets to be there for you in times you cried your heart out... He misses you this bad, yet you're no longer there to hear his heartfelt words. Honest feelings and bad timing make one of the most painful combinations....

His eyes landed on a small worn out book that never left your hand. A book you always read and carry around at times. The book you read when the both of you enjoyed each other's company. A thought inside his head lingered, starved from your presence. Even just a small fragment that carried a part of you was enough to set his feelings to a frenzy.

Grabbing a hold of the book, lightly tracing the cover as lithe hands flips the crisp pages. Riddle notices a bookmark in between the last few pages you've read. A bookmark that looked oddly like an envelope, yet a surprising word was written in the thin piece of paper... "Riddle Rosehearts"

Intrigued by his name written across the paper, he unfolded the paper to view whatever content lies beneath. In fact, there really was a word written inside the bookmark.

Fingers lightly held unto the paper, starving for words that you may have left, even just a singled random word will do to ease the feverish need of indulging the thoughts of you. As he read letter after another, his heart flutters as his stomach churns.

The empty looking paper that was held between Riddle's shaking hands read: "Hey Riddle... If you see this someday... I like you... no, I love you.." A billet doux with simple words and blunt feelings. A single sentence that left a man speechless of his words and breathless from his underlying feelings.

He looked up the ceiling above trying to stop the salty tears forming in his eyes. He closed his eyes with thoughts of regret screaming deep inside him.

In a moment of self hysteria, rationality was thrown out his train of thoughts. Nothing seemed matter anymore. He wants to see you... He wants to hold you... He wants to tell you all of his feelings he kept deep inside him... He wants to hold onto you forever...

Like a foolish man drunk in love. He stood up in his own two feet, dashing through the long maze of hallways into the rose gardens that led a path to the hall of mirrors.

Maybe if he tries hard enough, he can make his way to see you in your world. Maybe if he tries hard enough, he can persude you to find a way to stay. Maybe if he tries hard enough, even a glimpse of your figure was enough for him... Maybe... Maybe... Mabye. Everything were just maybe's.

A young man stood in the middle of the rose gardens, drenched in the pouring raindrops with no care in the world. The grey clouds heavy with rain continuously dripped from the heavens. Red crimson hair drenched from the storm. Empty eyes looked above as the young man closed his eyes. Trying his best to get the gravity of his situation, finally taking his time to rationalize his actions.

"Hah.... This is stupid... I'm stupid... There's no way I'd get to see them again... Let alone I was dumb enough not to say a goodbye... I give up..." A scoff left his lips full of grief and misery. He crouches down in the ground as the fading moments and memories with you flashes through his mind. If only he can see you again... If only he can touch you again.. if only he could hear your sweet voice again... If only... If only...

Lonely tears prickled his face, mixed with the cold raindrops as sadness and sorrows washed his misery away. "If I were to see you again... I'd gladly give up everything for you." Silent whispers of regret muffled by the rains and thunders left to be unheard.

"Riddle? What are you doing there? Come here you might get sick!" A sweet voice like honey rung in his ears. Like spring that bloomed in nowhere washed his grief away. The words ringing that healed his despair. Was this a dream? Was this a hallucination? Has he finally gone mad? How ironic it was that he finally have gone insane. Even without saying a proper goodbye, his hallucination of you still worry about him... How fitting...

"RIDDLE!" A hand grabs Riddle's arm, waking himself up to reality. Like a miracle unfolding before his eyes. The very set of eyes he admired most peered down at him. Eyes full of worry, pain, and sadness. The eyes of the person he truly loved...

"Y/N? Why are you here? Are you real? Is this a sick prank? What is this? Weren't you supposed to be in your world now?" Eyes that widened with shock stared at the person before them. Blank thoughts, eyes that stared at you intently waiting for an answer, with his hand clutching unto your wrist desperately, as if you'd fly away at any moment.

"Of course I'm real! Didn't you hear from trey? I told him an hour ago that I decided to stay... I didn't go in the mirrors yesterday..." A sigh of relief escaped Riddle's lips, as if a weight on the world has been lifted from his shoulders. "Why did you choose to stay?" The same eyes still gazed at you with melancholy and expectation, child like innocent eyes stared at you asking for answers.

"Well... I forgot something very important you know? Turns out I can't bring them back with me... Before I forget again... Riddle... I like you... I like you so very much I'm willing to stay here forever..." Wide eyes with shock, pink cheeks flustered like rose petals. Hearing you say your confession with your words accompanied by a sweet melodic voice was a million times better...

Riddle sighs in relief again. Tears formed in his eyes fell to his cheeks. The faint glow of sunset lit the rose gardens at dusk. The storm calming down, with rain stopping and rain droplets dripped from the rosepetals and leaves. Warm tears prickled down Riddle's face, accompanied by a smile of relief as muffled sobs and hitched breaths leaves his lips. Trembling in shock and joy he mutters "I'm glad... I'm glad your here again... I'm glad you chose to stay... I'm glad you like me, because you know... I like you too."

Glossy slate eyes stared back at you as a pair of cold hands grabbed unto yours. Intertwining your fingers together, you both shared each other's warmth... A tender smile covered both of your faces as the both of you start laughing in your pathetic looking state.

fingers mingled and intertwined, he brings your hand to his face as he rested his cheek in the back of your hand. Softly inhaling and taking in your scent and presence.

“Y/n I love you...”

"I love you too Riddle!"

“I know...”

"What? How do you know?"

“Of course, I read your love note... Pfft.... That was cheesy I might say...”

"YOU READ WHAT?!"

Both drenched in cold rain, but hearts full to its brim. Heavy hearts lifted from grief and sorrows. The dull world seemed colorful and vibrant yet again. The storm that once devoured the life out of Riddle has now passed. It is time to bask in your sunlight to melt all of his worries away...

Staring at your lovely presence, a thought lingered deep within Riddle's heart...

“Seeing you brought me back to what felt like home... I love you...”

Note: Sorry that took long I needed lots of braincells for that lmao- but I really hope you enjoyed that! Took me a while to get in the groove of writing again oof... I've decided to birth lotsa oneshots in my request so if ur request takes a bit if time... That means I'm innit for brain murder time! Oh and also I am sick so it yea.... It will take longer for me to have braincells and produce content frickle frack I hate this- ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ