#i'm so happy i had the chance to rant about him for my first theory post because its my favorite character since 2019

[virdemption]

Radley's Monkey Ball theories (1)

[cause i was ranting too much on twitter for this, ALSO NOTE: This post is very long.]

I'm gonna make this first one about uh... F-Gongon. I think one reason why so much worldbuilding was never brought up again (Aside from the gap between Bounce and BBHD) is because SMB wants the doubles to just be costumes. Why though? They have their own lore. And holiday posts don't even use the doubles. They even put Meemee in a witch hat ignoring the fact W-Meemee exists.

I've already rambled before about how the monkeys are not the same as their doubles but in this post I'm highlighting F-Gongon specifically because I think he does this best (And it's also my favorite character). I've been wanting to ramble about it for a really really long time actually.

So F-Gongon. Its lore is that it was awoken within an ancient castle and cannot eat bananas due to his sheer strength, being modified to be stronger than his original iteration.

^^^ Who might I add is already extremely strong on his own what the fuck. I mean. Have you seen him punch away the timebomb in the volcano.

So I'm gonna start off with its castle. The series never specified what castle it got awoken in (implying it had already been in there for who knows how long?) but he could have also been created in there. This could be the Bananightmare castle considering a lot of doubles in 3D seem to have ties with in-game worlds (cough R-Doctor cough P-Yanyan[?]). This is probably the most likely outcome considering if I wanted to stretch it, W-Meemee would have her ties with Sweet Fountain or maybe even Skyopolis but that's like I said, a stretch.

My personal theory is that F-Gongon was awoken in the Clock Tower Factory considering the exterior of the building is castle-like. The entire plot of the factory is that Bad Boon created Aiai robots there to do his bidding. And he's also from the fucking future so yeah I'm pretty sure he has enough mechanical expertise to make a zombie. And logically if he wanted to make a clone to stop Aiai and friends, he should pick Gongon because he is aforementioned extremely fucking powerful. Gongon would have worked as the robots if the end goal was to fight and cause bloodshed, but the Aiai robots were made to stir distrust (which is probably why they got destroyed immediately).

But if there's a castle in Mystic Dome (I don't think so though) he could have been awoken in there too. There's all sorts of ancient computers in Mystic Dome! They're active and they're given life. Nobody knows why, not even the game itself. And his color scheme is lots of blues/grey/green which matches with the area too.

NOT TO MENTION HIS COLORSCHEME MATCHES WELL WITH BAD BOON'S BASE AS WELL! WHICH MIGHT I ADD IS WHERE HE WAS IN A PROMOTIONAL TWEET.

WAIT WHAT THE FUCK I JUST HAD ANOTHER THOUGHT FUCK IS MYSTIC DOME THE REMAINS OF BAD BOON'S BASE-

Okay well I haven't even touched on the bananas thing yet so I should probably get to that. In 3D's description for him, F-Gongon is stated to be so powerful it can't eat bananas. In this description, this is clearly mentioned to be due to physical strength, however, in this tweet, this is implied to be a stomach thing (Which would make sense, why would a mass of electricity and probably rotting flesh be able to digest food).

Though it could also be a mix of both, actually. It's already implied to be hard enough for him to grasp things without crushing or even maybe shocking them, but in the chance F-Gongon could properly grab a banana, will the food even properly settle in its stomach? Maybe he'd get cockroaches festering in its body and need them removed?

This makes me wonder if he could eat the haunted banana. The description for it mentions that it's a ghostly spirit of a banana and that "You'd have to be totally bananas eat it!" (Ik I wrote it like that btw, it literally has that typo in game.) If that banana doesn't have a physical form, maybe he can eat it. And the holy banana's physical form is possibly dubious, considering it is potentially somewhat made of light considering it glows.

It's also worth noting that the entire plot of SMB1 is that Aiai and Gongon are in a race to Banana Sanctuary (A place with bananas). And I don't really see why F-Gongon would want to go there if he can't eat the bananas.

So what's F-Gongon's personality like? The normal Gongon in canon is shown to be a rowdy, hard headed guy who cares deeply for his friends and has a strong self image, wanting to become the strongest monkey in the world.

Though, like all the other doubles, not much is shown with F-Gongon. Although judging by the fact that he's a modified version of an ape who's already extremely strong, I don't think he has any goals it wants to set or follow. There's nothing for him to want to achieve. Normal Gongon is already off working with team Super Monkey Ball and his own aspirations, and why would F-Gongon need to do that? The only thing I could reasonably see it wanting to achieve is 1. Collecting bananas and 2. Thwart Bad Boon's plans.

At first I looked at the mention of him being all about collecting bananas in the promo tweet with the take of "But why would he collect bananas if it can't eat them?" But then I remembered "Hey, he's so different from most monkeys, and they're probably scared of it for being a monster." Maybe he wants to give monkeys bananas as a show of not being threatening? Everyone loves bananas! So if he gave people bananas, they'd want to be its friend!

(Also, back to an earlier point, Banana Sanctuary just has way too many bananas to take home and give to others which is why I didn't bring it up in that segment until now.)

And let's assume for a second that what I said about him being awoken by Bad Boon is correct, I would imagine it'd hold a lot of resentment towards Bad Boon (Who wouldn't, actually?) and probably be very angry that someone like itself has been awoken and set free into the world. That he shouldn't exist considering, well... Normal people don't have bolts in their head and multicolored fur and skin stitched together. He is not normal. He's a freak of nature.

I think that his unlock conditions in both Monkey Race and Monkey fight could also lure a bit into a sensible personality for him:

In Monkey Race, it is unlocked by getting 3rd place in the Mt. Tyrano grand prix. This is the lowest score for any character unlocked here, while P-Yanyan requires 2nd and B-Jet requires 1st. The track itself is a vast, rugged mountain with lots of spots to fall lose yourself in. Good for any explorer monkeys looking for treasure, or in B-Jet's case, a place to roam around with the rest of the tribe. In Monkey Fight, he's simply unlocked with beating the Hidden series in 1st place.

This combined with the unlock conditions of Monkey Race and the small tidbits we get from his lore make me theorize that F-Gongon is a gentle giant with no life goals who relatively tries to hide from the world due to a poor self image. It does genuinely want to have a few close friends and to be accepted for what he is but still can't help but hold resentment and frustration towards most everything and everybody around it.

(Don't ask about Monkey Race karts at the time being though I have no idea where they'd fall if they even did.)

Just as a little bonus: I have been using He/It this entire time for it! I personally view that as a headcanon though I do have a reason why I have that view. He has been called both He/Him in game + on promotional posts, but has also been called with It/Its in a translation of another post.

It was probably just a coincidence but I really love it lawl

But that's about it for my theory. This was fun to do and I always have lots of thoughts about this series so I'm hoping to do more theorizing later!

(Also help I not only 1. spent an hour on this post but 2. have just began thinking about how he ties more into my oc's lore because its important to her story lawl)

[slime-sandwhich-nom]

Not able to draw today so you get me writing 😔

I don't think I like growing up.

Sure, mum says that with growing up i get more chances with things like watching what I want, not have a bedtime anymore but..

I don't think it's worth it. Neither of us do.

it's.. scary, if I have to be honest.

neither me or my older brother Darwin are gonna grow up any time soon and I'm glad but, my other brother? Gumball?

He's bound to grow up at any time now, he's the oldest and he's the closest one between all of us three to become officially a teen.

he just needs to turn 13 and he's gonna be a teenager.

And..I don't want that. I don't think Darwin wants it too.

We've been noticing how gumball has changed- in a lot of ways and my theory is that he's growing up, he's starting, mum says it too.

She seems happy about it but we're not. It's just so scary to see.

his voice changed and now he's all about penny this and penny that- he's all about this girl and just seems obsessed with her! Even the slightest interaction makes him go all crazy and giggly, whenever she's around he turns all red like a tomato but he doesn't seem embarrassed. He's just

So weird now.

Mum says that it's normal, at his age boys should start "thinking about girls" but it's just so confusing.

especially because gumball seemed to understand and didn't even like that like a month ago!

He had an entire rant about how he won't "think about girls" or anyone for that matter, that he's never falling in love or have a crush, and honestly I agreed with him. He never seemed the type to do all of that corny stuff with someone, especially the kissing. Ew.

but. But the moment we stepped in middle school he changed entirely, I don't know what happened.

sure the first few days were normal I guess, he just did his usual antics but then he met this girl- and with Darwin as my witness- is like he froze.

Like if he was a deer in the middle of the street.

and from that moment on he hadn't stopped talking about her, he only stops when mom is around for some reason.

but it's not just that- he changed in other ways! his fur changed- he got taller I think- and his voice is so low now compared to ours! He's more snarky and sarcastic now and he scoffs a lot too- he's like those teenagers in highschool in movies, all grumpy and mean all the time.

I don't..what that.

I want my brother.

I want my naive and sweet big brother who just wanted some friends and play knights and princesses outside in the yard.

I don't want this cynical, sarcastic, snarky and cocky guy. That's not my brother.

Mum says that it's normal for him to change, he's going through puberty or whatever but- it's not fair! Couldn't he stay the way he was? Sure, he was a little bit stupid and naive and because of that people bullied him and took advantage of him but he was the sweetest! Both of my brothers were!

Now only Darwin is and gumball is just this- guy who likes going out with his friends instead of. Of me. And Darwin.

Sure Darwin tags along but- I'm just left alone.

Before middle school gumball and Darwin used to hang out with me- gumball used to ask me homework, he used to ask me things- now he just doesn't.

Now he just doesn't pay attention to me, only sometimes he does but even when he does he feels like a totally different person.

and penny. I don't know what she's doing to him- she seems sweet but- he just makes him panic and he gets super quiet whenever he talks to her- it's cheesy and annoying.

What if they eventually get together? What if gumball eventually gets stolen definitely and I won't be able to see him anymore?

Sometimes he talks about marriage or college and that just means he will leave me here in Elmore just for some peanut girl!

he's gonna leave me and Darwin here while he goes with people he just met in middle school.

it's just not fair. I don't like this change that much.

[zzcrypticcoyotezz]

Read your Ian Malcom Nonbinary/genderfluid and now I can't get it out of my head. IT'S SUCH A COOL HEADCANNON THAT I SEE HAPPENING. Can you rant more about it, please? give more scenarios of what your take is LITERALLY ANYTHING GO FERAL. That is all thank you. Also Trans Alan?! yoooooooooo. Love the concept of Ian helping him come out more too. Just GRAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

aaaaaa thank you so much!!! AND YES i would be happy to! you're the first person to ever send me a question, i'm so excited my posts are starting to pick up and people like the dumb things i write haha. i've had this rotating in my brain like a microwave for a while so enjoy! doesn't make much sense with my headcanon being that malcolm messes with his gender after the events of JP, but i've been really wanting to reimagine the first scene of them together in the plane and make it extra fruity.

- - - -

"So... Are you a man, or a woman, then?" Alan asks, his eyes studying the mathematician carefully. He'd heard of Dr. Ian Malcolm and his work on chaos theory, sure. But he had no idea who the man himself (person?) was. He had absolutely no idea what to expect when he and Ellie boarded the plane, and he still doesn't know.

Ellie, gentle but still firmly elbowed Grant, giving him a glare. "Alan, you can't ask somebody you just met that question!" She whispered, sounding like a mother upset with her unruly son interrupting Sunday school.

Ian laughed, his sharp features curling into a smirk. He loved toying with the paleontologists, supposed men and women of science yet they couldn't wrap their head around someone defying societal gender norms. He leaned forward, his voice smooth, his long fingers gently pushing down the rim of his dark sunglasses revealing his big brown eyes, the windows to the soul some might say, and the makeup he had done that morning. Just something simple and easy to miss, just like his nails painted black or shoes secretly bought from the women's section, but undeniably himself, his style, his expression. He responded, his voice smooth with a hint of flirtation.

"I'm whatever you want me to be."

Alan sputtered. "I- uh, wh... What? What do you mean? That doesn't make any sense!" And Ellie couldn't help but laugh at his confusion. His voice grew quieter. "Pardon me if my wording isn't right, this isn't my expertise, but are you gay? One of those... Uh... Queers? I have no problem with any of it, I'm just looking for clarification."

Dr. Malcolm laughed. "Uhh... I, Well, uh, you could- you could say that, I suppose." The two still looked bewildered. "Here, uh, how about we look at it this way. Gender is.... Hmm... Something, uh, humans made up. A social construct. It doesn't truly matter what clothes we wear or what we put on our skin or how we style our hair. Life's too short to worry about that kind of thing. I'm just me. I'm not a man, or-or a woman, I'm a human being. And we're living things, we can't be put in- organized into a box. Life will always find a way to defy expectations."

Ellie's brows rose. "I actually think I understand. I've never really thought about any of this before, but it makes sense to me." She looked over at Alan. His face wrinkled in deep concentration, grappling with some kind of debate going on inside his head. After a moment, he finally responded.

"I'm sorry- but I'm still confused. How can you not be a man or a woman? The clothes thing, sure, okay, I get it." Before Dr. Malcolm had a chance to answer, Ellie spoke up.

"Just look at nature, Alan. There are definitely more than two genders or sexes. For fungi, there can be tens of thousands! And many animals can even change their gender or sex by themselves. Humans, we aren't separate from nature, we're a part of it. If Dr. Malcolm doesn't fit with either box then I don't see why they can't go past the binary."

Alan was starting to understand, but was still wrestling with a lot of concepts in his head. Things in his life he'd never told anyone before, things Ellie has no idea of. Alan Grant was not born as Alan Grant. Alan Grant wasn't born a man. He knew from the beginning that he wasn't a woman and he could never feel comfortable as one, and he was now dead to his family as they couldn't accept that. They'd rather have a "normal daughter" over a "transsexual for a son". He would lose his career if this came to light. He hasn't spoken to his parents since the day he left home at 18. They returned every letter he wrote.

Yet here now, in front of him, was someone who completely defied expectations. Someone who didn't care what others think. Someone who actively broke the rules. And this wasn't just anyone, but a world renowned mathematician! If a man, no, person of science can feel so comfortable with this part of themself... Then maybe he wasn't some freak of nature or mentally ill. That this is actually a normal human experience, that he wasn't alone or some kind of outlier. His expression softened.

"You're right, Ellie. I... I think I understand now. I apologize, Dr. Malcolm." His voice had a slight shake. Memories were flooding to his mind, memories he didn't want to remember, memories of his youth, and after he was kicked out of his parents' life. How much he'd fought to become the man he is today. How alone he felt, throughout so much of his life. He took in a deep breath, rubbed his temples and wiped his eyes, then cleared his throat, he held out his hand in a greeting. "I'd like to start over."

Ian smiled warmly, reciprocating the handshake. He felt like they have more in common than Grant would like to admit, and things were going to be alright.

-

[talkshowboyluvr]

lil treech rant bc i'm ANNOYING

the perception of treech has changed so drastically from the fandoms understanding of him when the book first came out to the movie. before the movie, the main agreement on treech's character was that he was a circus performer (still gen one of my fav he's, i love the idea of him being a performer im some way, though i usually make his parents past circus performers instead of himself) he had some clear trauma with touch (i personally make him autistic because of this, imagining sensory issues to be the main reason, though there are older theories abt past sa happening to him) and - one of my favourite ideas - was him being a foil to lucy gray.

both book treech and lucy gray were fairly passive until the ending of the games, both of them preferring not to engage in confrontation and instead kill in more sneaky ways (when someone wasn't looking, with poison and both seemed to be popular in the capitol.

i almost think the movie gives more proof of this with treech having the highest sponsor count after lucy gray and being the only other tribute we see struggle with guilt and morality during the games. both clearly cared about their district partners, both had a hand in their partners death. both seem to charm the capitol.

so, the majority of my own depictions of treech come to down to making him a sort of twisted version of lucy gray. his life is slightly harder than hers - i usually write him to be looking after his two sisters, struggling with a job in the lumberyard and being incredibly poor (more on that in a minute) - so he's naturally lost some of his spark.

he enjoys preforming, but sees it as a chore more often than not due to how tired he is these days, he's no longer truly happy in life.

i believe he's poor simply due to his outfit in the movie. everyone seems to be wearing something intricate, something that clearly has work and money put into it, while he's in his work clothes. i also imagine this would make him weak and much like katniss, i think he'd be underfed in his attempts to provide for his sisters and put them above himself.

a lot of the time, i see people act as though him joining the pack in the movie didn't make any sense when compared to the book, and though i agree it does change the plot, i don't think it at all changes his character. he's a coward in both book and movie, he avoids confrontation in the book, only steals from the already weakened and hides the entire games. in the movie he leaves lamina despite wishing to stay with her as he's more concerned with his safety that with being courageous.

personally, i think book treech may have also joined the pack if given the chance. i do think his survival would always come above morality for him, no matter how clear it is that the guilt tears his up about it.

treech's death, however, is the most impactful for me in both the book and movie. in the book you see a boy so desperate for comfort that he latches onto lucy gray's embrace, or you could instead see a boy so fearful of touch that he freezes in her arms. either way, he's clearly filled with rage when the snake bites, because book treech knew he was going home. he could have beaten lucy gray and reaper had rabies - treech had practically already been basking in his victory.

then a snake latched onto him and in his final moments he bashed the snake to death in revenge as he couldn't reach lucy gray.

movie treech, however, was in agony. he didn't digest the poison as dill did, meaning it instead would have had to enter his bloodstream, which would have been more painful and slower. you can see him covering his face, shaking, retching and practically sobbing before he dies, all while he's ignored and left to lay there forgotten.

movie treech is also never placed in the morgue and book treech's body is dragged around by lucy gray, so even after death he's the only tribute never left to rest :)

[yuseirra]

Some rants/theories on onk~(ch 162~)

I've been jotting some thoughts as of lately!!

I want to share it with you all because well, I'm sure some of you will relate and feel with me and it's just nice to see someone share the same type of thoughts, wouldn't it!

It may be worth a read if you like hikaru or hikaai.. or what the heck's been going about him in the manga. I feel so bad in regards to him, what's happening to him is really unjust. I feel it's so mean and unfair and I'm sure the author knows, so I hope they expand on that :) They must love this character better than I and he must be like this for a reason. I believe in them.

#1

Ruby… your dad and brother were fighting and fell into the water… What should we do about this… hahaha… hahaha…

But I think that scene itself was planned from way back.

It’s seriously annoying… hahaha. From what I can see, it’s like two victims of the entertainment industry wanting to kill each other, which is so frustrating and unfair.

If Kamiki just dies like this, it’s going to make me so mad because what was the point of his life? He’s never been happy. From my perspective, he wasn’t originally that kind of person, and it seems like he completely lost his mind after the person he loved died. But it’s unclear if we’re even supposed to feel sorry for him, which makes it even more frustrating. Why did they drag his life into the abyss like this? For what purpose?

Ai, at least, found love. But what about him?

If his original character was noble, then my view of his true nature was correct, right? So… I hope his story doesn’t just end with him like this. At this rate, I won’t even be able to fully support Aqua, and he won’t look good to me either, but I liked Aqua…

I hope Ruby can somehow save everyone. I’m not sure how that would even be possible, though.

I feel like I know where this manga is heading. I think I do. There is a way for all of this to make sense, but since it’s not my work, I can’t be certain. That’s why it’s so frustrating.

This is a manga that needs to be read by volumes.

#2

In chapter 162, Aqua says something grand like how his goal wasn’t revenge.

It’s a beautiful story, but it also annoyed me a bit, like, of course, that can’t be true!!!

From the beginning, Ai wasn’t even killed by this guy!!! The whole target of his revenge was wrong from the start! The entire premise was never valid. For over 150 chapters, Aqua had been chasing the wrong target. At the very least, Kamiki never intended to harm Ai, and if you look at it from that angle, he’s also a victim who was broken after losing Ai. What are you talking about like you’re so righteous, Aqua? It’s really getting on my nerves. What matters is what he did next and how he lived after that. Just in case, I checked the English version, and it said that as he grew older (not Ai), he couldn’t stand how Ai’s existence was fading away, and he wanted to feel that again. After Ai died, he missed her so much that he found this bizarre way to hold onto her and clung to it.

When you connect that with the songs, it kind of explains the logic behind it, and I think it makes sense. He’s definitely a crazy guy who did a lot of wrong things, but there also seems to be something more that drove him mad.

If revenge was really his motive, then he’s been hunting down the wrong person the whole time. Ruby was targeted, so it seems like Aqua did something useful by accident in the end… hahaha. (but it'd have been stupid if Kamiki didn't even intend to kill his own daughter<what is this, seriously??) I feel like this new chapter is set in a way to direct us away from the idea that KAMIKI DID NOT HARM AI. THUS, AQUA'S REVENGE DOESN'T EVEN STAND IN THE FIRST PLACE. he just happened to target Ruby by chance and so the focus shifts to that but we should really take this to account when we come to analyzing his character, seriously Kamiki is ANOTHER broken person who lost his love because of the malice in the entertainment industry. We need to read that context!!! That's why this gets on my nerves, I can't cheer Aqua wholeheartedly like this!!

It’s nice that Ruby and Aqua share such a deep bond, sure, but what about Ai’s wish? The two of them are doing their own thing, but what about Ai? (Of course, I expected Aqua to do that because he’s that kind of character. I saw it coming, didn’t I? I practically nailed it in my analysis before the chapter even came out, predicting that Aqua’s focus had shifted to Ruby.) I ended up liking the movie arc of this manga the most… so watching Aqua act that way kind of irritated me. What’s with that enlightened expression like everything’s over? Didn’t you say you’d grant Ai’s wish, you dumbo… Well, I do wonder how anyone can save someone so far gone, but did he really figure out who Kamiki truly was before deciding to kill him? Ai really wished for him to be saved. Why can't he understand his father? Why can't anyone understand how hurt this guy is except for Ai? There is not a single person who can understand his pain in the manga. This frustrates me, and I understand why he's so desperate about Ai because why wouldn't he become like that. He's become tainted and terrible, I get that, but he REALLY WASN'T LIKE THIS!! and if he's actually possessed like how I think he may be, then what's been happening isn't even entirely his will!!

There was talk about Kamiki having done nothing, but was that really a lie? I’m really confused. If he tried to kill Ruby, then maybe it really is over, but… who even is this guy?? What AM I supposed to make of him? Why are there still so many contradicting info?? They really have to explain this to us!!!

That’s why I don’t think this is the end. There are still too many unresolved plot points.

And personally, I think there's a lot to blame that lies with whatever it was that caused Kamiki to become so “broken.” That needs to be addressed.

I don’t think it’s right to pin all the malice on one crazy person and then get rid of him like that solves everything. Kamiki wasn’t originally someone who would break down this badly.

It seems like this character received two songs… So, regardless of how things end, I hope they properly address who this character really is.

#3

This is the first time I’ve encountered a character that’s so hard to understand. I’ve never felt like this before—there’s never been a character I couldn’t grasp to this extent. It’s not that I can’t understand their actions; it’s that I can’t figure out what kind of personality they even have. (it's said they had a noble soul, in that case, I DID SEE THROUGH HIS TRUE NATURE THOUGH. SO I'LL CLING ONTO THAT.)

This isn’t a character with a ton of screentime, but even within the few scenes they’ve appeared in, the content seems to contradict itself.

I keep saying this, but if it weren’t for the portrayals shown in the movie arc, I wouldn’t be this confused.

Why did they even mention fatherly love, and why did he say something about accepting death… His expressions are drawn in such a confusing way. They look so gentle and tender in some. In chapter 154, I really think he was being sincere—since the star had faded…

In long series, I can understand when a character’s personality changes a lot between the early and later parts, but this character hasn’t appeared much at all, and it hasn’t even been 10 chapters, yet their personality has completely shifted, and it’s impossible to reconcile their actions as coming from the same person.

Up until chapter 161, I’d managed to piece things together to make sense, but…

How do the events from chapters 152 to 162, this 10-chapter span, contradict each other so completely?

It’s hard to just say it’s all lies, because the portrayal wasn’t done in a way that supports that. Even when I try to selectively take what feels like the truth and dismiss the rest as lies, it’s still so confusing.

There are foundational elements, right? With just those pieces, you can sort of build a framework, but…

So, what’s the deal with this character? There’s no answer. We need solid information, but for some strange reason, the story just doesn’t provide it.

Honestly, I’m starting to think this character is possessed or something. Did they create it this way on purpose, like that’s the direction it’s heading? If that’s the case, then it makes sense for Ai to want to save him, doesn’t it?

This would also make Ai’s wish come true, since how can you save someone like that otherwise? I’ve mentioned before that it feels like this character is being controlled by something, or maybe a crack formed in his mind, and something took over that space. Even Aqua and Ruby’s personalities change for the worse when the black star appears. I’m starting to think that his desperate feelings for Ai were taken advantage of, and he got possessed and went mad.

His original personality couldn’t have been like this, right? That much's actually been provided as a plot point. I am right on this.

I’ve never analyzed a character this thoroughly, because I’ve never encountered one that made me go, “What’s going on with this guy?” to this extent. It’s… so overwhelming, good gosh.

I really put a lot of effort into this! I really think I’m good at this kind of analysis. But with this character, it just doesn’t make sense.

I would accept it if a proper explanation came out, but this character fluctuates so much within such a small amount of screentime, and the behavior is so drastically different that it’s just too weird. If this was intentional, then we’re talking about the realm of split personalities or possession. Is that not a possibility?

No, seriously. He was supposed to be noble, wasn’t he? I think he’s truly the noble god Sarutahiko at his core, but something like the black star killed his wife and is trying to completely destroy or ruin him. Why else would there be all these themes about gods who love in the face of absurdity and irrationality? Hahaha. Unless there’s something that totally broke him down like this, he wouldn’t have changed so drastically! Ai loved him, didn’t she? I paid close attention, and he seemed like someone worthy of that love! So why did he end up like this? Will there ever be an explanation?

Is Ai really not a god? Wow, seriously… No, this manga has something going on. Something to do with gods.

Isn’t she really the reincarnation of Ame-no-Uzume? I mean, wouldn’t the song lyrics make sense because of that?

Doesn’t she want to save her fallen husband, who’s been completely broken, no matter what? Seriously? He’s that messed up? He’s too far gone after losing his wife… and it’s understandable he’d go crazy like this. How should I even take this manga? If it’s not this, then I just won’t be able to understand the plot. To be honest, there are way too many weird hints about gods scattered throughout. If they’ve dropped all these clues, they need to tie it together somehow, or at least address it. Why else include these ideas?

I’m really thorough when it comes to character analysis, especially when I’m trying to draw fan art.

But Kamiki? He’s just too inconsistent. Seriously, hasn’t he been possessed by some evil spirit or something? Isn’t it weird? I want to accept it, but how are the portrayals from chapters that aren’t even far apart from each other so different? It’s not even about poor writing at this point—it feels like they’ve deliberately written him as two completely different characters. Did they do this on purpose?

My head really hurts. If he were just a crazy guy, I could have accepted that, honestly. But why give us information that says otherwise, and then turn him back into a madman? Why does Ai want him to be saved?

Then it’s really like something’s possessed him. This isn’t his true nature, so he needs to be exorcised.

#4

Yes, “Fatal” is Kamiki’s song.

Why do you think he longs to see Ai so much? Why would he say he’s fine with sacrificing anything for her?

It’s because no one, aside from Ai, ever truly looked at him properly. Of course he wouldn’t want to live like that. Aqua isn’t at that level… But Kamiki, he would give up anything just to see Ai again. I feel like he thinks Ai needs to come and take him away.

Ai gave Kamiki love and understood him. He thought they were alike. But everyone else either took advantage of him or failed to understand him. Why is that? Since childhood, it seems like no one who approached this character ever tried to understand him. That’s why I think he ended up clinging to Ai… And when you think about that, it’s hard to see how he could have grown up with this kind of personality… Given that environment, he actually turned out well. Even if he’s twisted, he didn’t end up as twisted as you’d expect. He really could have been a saint if things weren't this messed up. He never got to be happy, which is what really upsets me when I see him. You see him going in 162 saying the only times he felt alive was when he had Ai with him, WELL DUH!!! Because the other parts of his life was so miserable!! He has no one!! How CAN someone not grow insane after losing that single person who became his reason for living?? Seeing him makes me feel terrible... the fact that he used to be so kind makes me feel sad. He wouldn't have became what he is if it weren't for these twisted turn of events!! And what were the odds of those things happening to him, I don't think the events leading up to Ai's death was his doing, he's CLEARLY been taken over by the loss after that and that's the reason why he's shifted. There's no way he ever wanted to harm his only love.

#5

Without you, I cannot live anymore I would sacrifice anything for you I can’t get enough of your love What should I use to fill in what’s missing?

This song is really Kamiki’s song, isn’t it?

But, could this person have come up with those strange thoughts, that odd way of thinking, all on his own?

It’s not a natural thought process at all, is it?

What if something urged him to believe that by doing so, he could get closer to Ai?

Do people usually come to those kinds of conclusions? I feel like I wouldn’t think that way.

So, if—just if—this person can somehow be saved, like Ai wanted, then maybe there’s a separate mastermind behind why he came to think that way. Is he really the type of person who could naturally fall apart to this degree? We haven’t seen any clear explanation for why he ended up like this. And one of the song’s title is “Mephisto.” Then maybe Kamiki is like Faust, and there’s a separate entity he made a deal with? Like that black star god? Though it might not be.

Remember that post where I speculated about stars possessing people? I still think stars are definitely influencing people.

there's another theory post I wrote about that, too.

You know how the logo for this series has star eyes in it??

STAR EYES ARE IMPORTANT. I BELIEVE STARS=GODS=DWELL IN EYES OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS,

THERE'S A LYRIC IN FATAL THAT ACTUALLY INDICATES THAT.

キラキラお星様宿したあなたのeyes/ Your eyes with glittering stars in them.

So it makes sense that Kamiki's been under the influence.. of this "black star" for at least two decades....that'd be enough to really destroy and taint his soul. I also mentioned that the black star may do that do a person. I REALLY think this can be it.

Switching gears, I got volume 14 today…

As I looked through it, I kept wondering—why and how did this sweet, innocent boy end up like this? It’s such a mystery.

There’s so much about him we don’t know. We don’t even know exactly when he started falling apart, but Ai seemed to be happy being with him. And this guy liked Ai so much that it seemed like he could live just by having her around.

He really looked happy. If you look at his memories with Ai, he looks so genuinely joyful… He must have really loved her.

That’s probably why he broke down. In those memories, Ai was always smiling too, so I think they must have been very happy together. I'm sure. She REALLY loved him. He was a good person.

[nadziejastar]

Absolutely love your akusai analysis stuff its so good omg.

Do you have any more thoughts on them?

Thank you for the kind words, I really appreciate it! As for my thoughts on Akusai, well, after beating Fire Emblem Three Houses recently, I do have a few thoughts. I know, I'm late to the party on 3H. (I actually loved 3H and would love to write metas about those ships lol). But anyways, regarding Akusai. It's a bit of a rant and there's minor spoilers for FE3H, so I'll put it under the cut.

Okay, so Sylvix felt like it was everything Akusai was supposed to be. It touched on all the same themes, too. In 3H, you've got a childhood friend trio. The standard two males and a female. On the surface it seems like the girl and the outgoing redhead goofball are a thing. But they treat each other more like bros. He and the quiet blue-haired sword guy had a much more intimate bond with each other, complete with a special promise��� to always be together and redhead being protective of blue. The redhead never wants to grow up and change because he doesn't wanna fulfill the heteronormative life script of getting married and having kids.

He is longing to go back to his childhood days but is sad at how much blue has changed since they were kids and has apparently outgrown their closeness. He hides his angst behind a smile and womanizing. Blue was once a meek clingy crybaby but now he is surly and obsessed with growing stronger. Deep down he is still an uke who secretly longs to be redhead's waifu. But he has a lot of shame related to his sensitivity and gender nonconformity. He distances himself from others, but boy does he get irritated if redhead flirts with anyone else.

I do wish the game would have just come right out and tell you that they're gay for each other (and so does this gaming site). I get why it didn't. Still, it didn't really hide it too much. They have a paired ending where they spend their whole lives playfully teasing each other like just when they were kids, never get married, and die together in each other's arms. It's the most romantic ending in the whole game, if you ask me. And Sylvix is SUPER popular and well received by the fandom. Both in Japan and the West. They have soooo much fan content. There are still some dudes who say they're just friends because ew icky gay. But most people in the fandom are able to tell they're queer-coded and are fine with it. In fact, the fandom was so fine with it that they released an overtly queer dude in the DLC, strictly due to popular demand.

3H is not a slam dunk with gay romance since much of it (particularly MLM) relies on subtext. But it still had more balls than most JRPG series and it definitely was a step in the right direction. We all know that Soriku is the most popular ship. The end of KH2 was total fujoshi fuel. But Soriku never had any chance in hell of being canon. KH is a video game shonen anime. Sora/Riku bromance is "safe". They can capitalize on shipteasing them to their female fans, but they won't alienate their male fans because Kairi is still very obviously the love interest for Sora. I found Akusai to be a lot more compelling because it was legitimately queer-coded.

Axel was queer-coded from the very beginning. His close friendship with Roxas in KH2 made people question his sexuality all the way back in 2006 and Akuroku rivaled Soriku for a time. And I do think that Axel always meant to be queer. Although personally, I did not get the impression that he was in love with Roxas. I got the sense that he probably had a best friend back when he was a human. And it was this dead best friend that he truly yearned for. The sweet and innocent Roxas reminded Axel of his human best friend and he latched onto him to help him forget the memories of days long past. That was my headcanon back in 2006 when KH2 first came out.

So, I was really happy when Days/BBS came out and it basically confirmed my theory that Axel was truly hung up on his human best friend and saw Roxas as a kind of replacement for him. And Isa was also very queer-coded. BBS!Isa has a more distinctly feminine design than any other boy in the series. He had very girlsh eyes and lips, small hands, long hair. And Saix's Mystery Gear is very cutesy-looking. Traditionally, the moon is viewed as a feminine symbol. And Saix's weapons in 358/2 Days were named after moon goddesses. They could have easily picked male moon gods, but they chose female goddesses like Selene and Artemis. It signifies to the player that, "Hey, this character does not follow the conventional gender stereotypes."

When you play 358/2 Days, and you get to the part where Axel is talking about love, you realize he's talking about his most precious memories from his human life, just like with all the other stuff like summer vacation and the red sunset. Akusai was not just superficial fujobait. Even if it was all subtext, it was a genuine depiction of two queer male characters who loved each other romantically. Axel is not straight. That’s a big reason why I was so mad that KH3 pushed their relationship off to the side and treated saving Isa as so much less important compared to saving Roxas. And it was so annoying how Saix had to mention Subject X whenever he might have seemed a little too obsessed with Axel otherwise.

Last year, Nomura said that he intended to show more of Lea and Isa's backstory in the future, so I've just been waiting for more content. I hope that we can get their story without Subject X overshadowing them like she did in KH3. I'm...cautiously optimistic. I expect this subplot to be included in Missing Link, since it is quite literally a missing link of the story. Axel is super popular and a queer-coded backstory with his childhood best friend would be very well received by the modern KH fandom, IMO. People are a LOT more accepting of gay content than they were in 2006. We've come a long way. And personally, I just love the idea that the tough cold asshole Saix's human self was actually a super sweet cutie who was in love with Lea. I really think the KH fandom would love that idea, too, if the writers were ever allowed to actually explore it. And a niche mobile game is probably a safer medium for that type of content than a mainline console game overseen by Disney, I guess. At the very least, if they ever put an Isa figurine into ML, I will whale for it if I have to. 

[fruity-phrog]

ok hi i read ur anon post i agree w everything n now i NEEED 2 know allll of ur thoughts abt colinmichael + colin's arc and also if u have any colinjamie/ bi jamie or roy hcs. love love love ur blog!!!!!😌💓💓💓🫂

First off, the serotonin you two anons are giving me is insane, this is such a nice ask and I am very happy rn. Thank you for actively inviting me to discuss my hyperfixation.

So most of my thoughts are compiled in the aforementioned anon post, but I have more so here you go:

Since you mentioned Colin's arc, there's something I've noticed. Ever since Colin has been canonicalized as queer, and even before when people simply headcanoned him as queer, his entire arc and history has been pretty much erased. He's not just this closeted guy on the team. He was a dick to Nate for the most of s1 and maybe even some of s2, but then had an uno reverse card pulled on him and got bullied. His character was developed throughout the seasons, especially when Jamie left. He began to change and stopped being Isaac's cocky right hand man. This is something most people forget as he progresses, something I think we need to remember simply because it's a part of his character.

I think that when Isaac and Jamie find out Colin and Michael are dating they will not let Colin forget Michael's height. Isaac definitely makes fun of Colin's height even though he's the same height as Jamie, so for him to be dating a man smaller than him? Instant comedy.

As for bisexual Jamie... firstly, just look at that man. Singular dangly earring. Ridiculous sitting positions. Eyebrow slits. Istg if he turns up one day with black nail polish I'm gonna throw something at my computer. But also, I think he doesn't really understand attraction to men. Obviously, with a dad like that, he has his fair share of toxic masculinity hurting his chances of coming to terms with any kind of sexuality. But I feel like sometimes, maybe as a kid or maybe as an adult, he'll look at a man and feel something and immediately go "Nope this is jealousy I am jealous nope nope nope". Also he definitely had a crush on Roy as a kid. But I'm not to sure about Jamie x Roy in the present. They strike me as more big brother/little brother vibes, but I can definitely see where the shippers are coming from.

And since we're talking about gay Ted Lasso - Barbara 100% has a crush on Rebecca. It's just a fact. She has a crush on her. Maybe that will segway into bisexual Keely being brought back because even though it's already canon no one talks about it.

Actually, I'm going to touch on that as well. Keely is canonically bisexual. Colin wasn't the first queer character - Keely was. "If I'm going to dip my toes back into the lady pool, I can't think of a better body of water to do it with than you." I know it was played off as a joke but it's still canon. I'll actually be quite disappointed if they don't revisit that because the GA has completely ignored it. Keely. Jones. Is. Bisexual. This is a fact.

Okay I've once again diverged from the plot of the ask so I'll steer it back with a theory (kinda). I mentioned this briefly in a post but I really want Colin to stand up against Isaac and the team's comments. Nothing much, just "That's rude". And when Isaac jokes about if Colin's gay, he just says "Yeah. I am. And I want you to stop it". He needs to address the things he said to stay in the closet and I'd love it to be like that.

I actually wrote a random fluff oneshot for Colin coming out. I still think he'll be outed, but I'd love for him to have some control before that happens.

Okie that is my rant. Thank you for asking, and thank you for the compliment about my blog! Have a nice and gay day <3

[flying-bear-tv]

WWDITS RANT <3

Ok i just finished watching the WWDITS season finale and It made me laugh so much but also some of it was shitty and i feel like sharing to the class.

So most insane things first I have no idea why Guillermo decided not to be a vampire. It is even explicitly shown how great he feels after drinking human blood like he is ready??? and then suddenly its like a switch flipped and he has a problem killing a human. He has never really gave a shit about that for FIVE FUCKING SEASONS. He is even like yeah i know i dismembered a shitton of body and lured people to their deaths and killed a shitton of vampires (who tbh he can definitely empathize with like humans as he has been involved with them for years) (OVER 10 YEARS) but i cant suck this guys throat owo. Like he has devoted his entire life to this for a decade and all of a sudden he backs out? I'm not saying this isn't just weird bad writing but the lamp nandor pulled out was the big one which he knows has no wishes left. I think its possible either nandor wished that Guillermo wanted to be human OR Guillermo purposely got himself turned back into a human so Nandor could be the one to turn him. Like he had everything set up with the necromancer to undead Derick pretty quickly...... idk im just saying. Also It feels like nothing has changed. I wish Nandor would have helped him with dericks body or something. Just to show that Guillermo is accepted a little more. I know you guys will debate me on this but its the little things like that that make you really feel part of the group. Lazlo came in clutch as always though I love him so much he really is one of my comfort characters of all time. (I even think that if my theory ends up being the case that Lazlo knew about Guillermo's plan cause that would definitely go along with the theme of Lazlo and Guillermo hiding stuff from the others throughout the season) But yea. Weird ending with Guillermo and im gonna be PISSED if there isnt a seriously good explanation for that.

Next: the Guide... Yea WHAT THE FUCK they did her so dirty like no hahah we liked you the whole time haha. Are you for serious. are you joking with me. This could have been a HUGE chance for character growth on the vamps part. They could have realized that yea. healthy relationships need to have mutual respect and both people need to contribute. They could have brought Lazlo's journey with him becoming a bit more human this season full circle. Nandor could have realized that how he has treated Guillermo is not great. He could have been like yea no wonder he got turned by someone other than me. I have been using him to do dirty work for years and stringing him along with the promise that I would eventually turn him which even I convinced myself was true in order to keep things just as how theve always been. I wont kill him because he means more to me than a stupid vampire rule that im only doing because its what is always done. (Like Nandor realized he didn't want to kill Guillermo after a second of seriously thinking about it.) Guillermo could have let him out of that cage and they could have hugged and figured out what to do like the fucking found family they are damn it.

NADJA ......... nadja's whole thing this season was the fact that she treats people like shit and is pretty selfish and she didnt even have a moment where she actually showed change. IM SICK IM DYING IM THROWING UP IN THE STREET.

I realize that them liking the guide the whole time is a funny joke but guys. was it worth it. was it fucking worth it...

For the things I liked lol I really liked Lazlo he is allways slaying his fits were spectacular his matching hair with Nadja is incredible He is a real friend to Guillermo and everything that comes out of his mouth is hilarious.

Im glad the guide got some kind of revenge she deserves it I love her.

Guillermo hiding out in the motel was funny and i love how everyone visited him individually.

Guillermo being really happy after turing into a bat and getting his fangs was also really cute

Also "this meat has kissed the grill" i started crying i have no idea why this was so funny to me

Nandor stalking the fucking panera bread and setting up a whole fake ritual for Guillermo 10/10

also final round of applause for Nadja and Lazlos hair and outfits this season. I wish i were them.

anyways funny vampire show heheeh i wont get too upset about it and i wont make a conspiracy about how they wrote it bad on purpose because I cant cope with reality *cough* good omens fans *cough* SORRY but guys... guys... its not 2017 wake up please we dont need another TJLC please I have to say somthing.

love you all touch grass <3

comment 💥if you read all of this shit i want to know

[vivalabunbun]

Hello Viva!!

I am the same anon who had shared about my married life being similar to the plot for "As I am, I will be"! I've loved that work with my entire heart for months as each and every single line struck a resonance with me! I don't know if you'd recall me ranting about how broken my relationship was at first because it was an arranged marriage TvT

Seeing the continuation for it being posted, I couldn't help but feel overjoyed! Even to say, I logged off from work to read it!! . Your writing was up to the finest mark anyone could make it out there! I love the descriptions and details you make, even the tiniest references you've thoroughly researched before makes me feel truly immersed in the story, as if I am witnessing this unfold before me.

Despite what had happened once, I'm glad to see the two share such sweet moments without any strain or doubts :) A happy marriage is when you no longer doubt one another and only wish to lead a silent, tranquil and peaceful life with one another. No third parties, relatives or anyone involved in it, just the two of you in your own comfortable space, may it be in each other's arms or the under the same roof on the same bed.

The morning grocery scenes, the afternoon napping scenes and even the rain part, all of them struck me with a sense of nostalgia as if you had known my entire life plot! I kept giggling as I read it (fluff makes me giggle) and my husband had to really check on me LOL

To see Alhaitham laze around and even convince Y/n, who was known to be responsible to laze around with him was such a sweet moment and personally that '30% chance to rain' hit real hard! It's ok Alhaitham, sometimes things never go the way you want it to, especially with weather.

Lastly, thank you for creating this masterpiece. It made me reflect on my entire life time filled with grief, pain and all that sweet moments i've had. I am glad to see Y/n and Alhaitham get closer in their nerd language! Thank you so much, peace out!

Stay hydrated, take care of yourself and make sure you're well rested !!

With lots of love,

a strange married anon

Oh! Hello again!! 🥹🥹

I'm excited to see you in my inbox! The soulmate au is really one that made me ponder about love the most. I just really really love it when readers share their inner monologues as they read my works.

There's no better feeling than the contentment of just doing nothing with someone you care about in a private little microcosm 🌌

For his birthday and Valentine's day, it just felt right to give him a sweet and tender moment. Especially after the heavier works.

Maybe in some way, when I was reading up on theories and factoids as I was writing, this short(er) fic was a sensible way to provide a happy ending for universes where one wasn't possible.

[cosmicjoke]

Seeing your last post about Levi and ships, I totally think Yams made Levi's character dirty with the vow haha. I think this is one of Levi's curses.

Reading other people's opinions in that post made me think of something, but with your last post...I couldn't say it any better.

I definitely think there's a difference between making a vow to someone and making a vow for someone. Erwin and the new recruits basically give their life so Levi could complete the mission, giving him a chance to kill the beast titan. Levi acknowledges their sacrifice and he even says sorry to them.

At Erwin's last moments, I think Levi understood the weight Erwin's dream had in him...at that moment, Erwin's dream was something that was corrupting him, so Levi let him rest. For me, the reason he still recalled the goal to kill the monkey is because, if there was a part of Erwin still listening, Erwin could rest thinking his death wasn't in vain. Just like Levi told the recruit he would exterminate all the titans, Levi wanted Erwin to feel at peace.

Also, I've always felt that Levi wanting to kill Zeke has different meanings along the story. First, Zeke was annihilating the SC, later Zeke turned Levi's squad into titans forcing Levi to kill them, and lastly, according to Hange's theories, killing Zeke meant to stop the rumbling. You can love him or hate him, but Zeke was a huge asshole throughout the story, especially to Levi, so I don't think the resentment Levi holds to him is because of only one person. That's why I don't buy the whole Levi is oBsEssEd with killing Zeke, because Levi had multiple chances to kill him if he wanted, and the only time we actually see him aiming at that is when Zeke turns out to be a nuisance.

I'm sorry for the rant, I also have two brain cells and they don't work that well, so I'm not even sure I made my point clear. Anyways, everyone be happy and stream Bauklotze.

Haha, no worries, I understood all your points perfectly.

Indeed, lets say there are multiple benefits to killing Zeke. And certainly, Levi was never obsessed or even primarily driven by wanting to kill Zeke. As you pointed out, as I've done several times as well, Levi had numerous chances to kill Zeke, and he purposefully held back because he knew it wouldn't, at the time, be beneficial to the majority to do so. That's a loud and clear indication that Levi wasn't "blinded by revenge" or whatever nonsense haters want to spew.

And yes, Levi making his vow specifically to Erwin doesn't at all equate to him making the vow for Erwin. Erwin was Levi's commanding officer. Levi took orders from him. So, naturally, he would make the vow to fulfill his commanding officer's final order to said commanding officer. Levi's criticism of himself for not being able to fulfill Erwin's final order has less to do with Levi having some sort of special relationship with Erwin or being especially beholden TO Erwin, and more to do with Levi's duty AS a soldier. He chastises himself over failing to complete the final task set to him by Erwin, because up to that point he's always been a good soldier, able to do his duty without issue, to follow orders and commands dutifully and with precision. He's frustrated by his bungling the effort to kill Zeke on more than one occasion. He doesn't understand why he keeps messing it up. Levi isn't used to that. Again, this has nothing to do with Levi's relationship with Erwin, and everything to do with Levi's feelings of obligation to use his strength to help others, to be an effective and useful soldier in the cause. He says "I've never bungled one of his orders... Not even once... And yet, for some reason, his final order is the one that I just can't..." This is Levi taking himself to task for failing to follow his commanding officer's final dictate to him. That's all it is. It isn't proof that Levi wanted to fulfill the vow for Erwin and Erwin alone. I think the pages and panels I posted more than prove that Levi wanted to fulfill the vow for ALL his fallen comrades that day, even if the vow was made to one, single officer in Erwin. Again, Erwin was Levi's commander. Who else was he going to receive his orders from? Who else was he going to make the promise to?

And certainly, Levi wanting to kill Zeke was in part a manifestation of his desire to see, not only Erwin rest, but all of the soldiers who died that day rest as well. Levi's whole drive to fight is predicated on his desire to honor the lives of others and to ensure that their lives weren't wasted, or given up in vain. As you said, Zeke was a major asshole throughout the story, and especially to Levi. There were multiple reasons for why Levi hated Zeke, all of them justified. But again, it wasn't revenge Levi sought (though he would have been justified in doing so), but rather closure for his fallen comrades. He didn't want their sacrifices to have been for nothing.

[butwhatifidothis]

Hi!

When I first got onto your page, it was for anti-edelgard reasons, because I was so sick of looking at other posts that blatantly ignores Edelgard’s main faults, and ignores that she’s straight up the villain

But then I saw your posts about Captain’s fanfic, and I was intrigued, I had to scroll a bit through your archives trying to find the name. When I found it, I read it and-

I couldn’t even get through three paragraphs, it was so bad. I also felt SO embarrassed because how UTTERLY ooc it was. Like sure, I read fanfics that are sometimes ooc, but Captain’s fanfic was something else. Plus, the whole fanfic was just??? Terrible writing, I couldn’t believe that people that read through it willingly and enjoyed it.

So I wanted to thank you for still reading the fanfic, and telling the rest of Tumblr what’s happening, because I’m still intrigued by Captain’s fic, but refuse to have my eyes look at it again.

You have so much willpower, god bless

Hello!

My blog started off as a place for me to just rant about the fandom's insistence on erasing all of Edelgard's flaws and wrongdoings just to push some "if they only talked!!" message. She wanted to kill them before ever getting to know them. Then she wanted to kill them after getting to somewhat know them in the academy. They did not want to kill her... ever, really (edit: outside of the OBVIOUS point with Dimitri lmao). Dimitri literally does try talking to her and gave her two different chances to call for peace, and she flat out rejected both - the second time through a sucker punch knife throw. Claude literally tells her that he doesn't want to fight her; she responds by saying that if she doesn't kill him she can't get what she wants. This, along with a shit ton of other things, were just completely ignored by the fandom in favor of making Rhea Bad, shit get on my nerves, made some vent posts, one two skip a few now I'm here lol.

So I hear about a fic made by one of the bigger influencers of the 3H fandom - Mr. Teacher Theory, Edelgard has C-PTSD, Rhea is a Tyrant, Faerghus Toxic Masculinity himself - and I see multiple people recommend this fic as a must-read for (mostly) Edelgard's character, and I was like "hey what if I actually read it." And. Well. Yeah lmao. Even if we completely separate it from 3H and we judge it as strictly an AU with no regards for canon, the fic falls flat.

Woobiegard repeats herself constantly in the prose, going over again and again and again how Sad she is - and a good part of that is her making other people's pain all about her and how Sad she is or once was. Characters Just Like Woobiegard - no real reason for it, they just kinda do even though she never does anything for or with them. Marianne is a prime example of this - Woobiegard speaks words to Marianne twice before the Holy Mausoleum, but Marianne nevertheless comes to admire her for literally no reason and spills the beans about her deep-seated trauma in front of complete strangers because of it. Her relationship with Byleth is entirely built on fate and is the reason she and Byleth ever become happy ever at all in any timeline ever, but we're supposed to ignore 1) how they shits on the fic's supposed narrative of Fate Bad, and 2) how extremely unhealthy their relationship actually is. If you don't like Woobiegard, you will either die or become a villain/get demonized. Or both. The only way to redeem yourself if you have ever not liked Woobiegard is if you completely bow to her whims and accept all blame she and her pack of dogs with throw at you. Byleth can reverse time, but only when it's convenient - otherwise, something will happen to where she "just can't do it" (see: Hilda's leg). And just. A billion other things.

Like, there are so many flaws that are completely self-contained and do not relate whatsoever to 3H. If we add on the fact that this is supposed to be a culmination of Cap'n's actual meta? That people will unironically say that this fic fits in with actual meta pieces? You then open so many cans of worms that build on top of each other and ruin the fic even further.

I'm glad to hear you enjoy the notes! Making them and reading through this fic is certainly an experience lol, so I'm glad they're entertaining!

[softkuea]

BL ~ Drama Asks

I was tagged by @wanderlust-in-my-soul !!! thank you sm for this... it's been a long time... but i'm back! happy to be here and share my thoughts ✩

If you had to watch one drama forever what would it be?

I have three series in mind! I Told Sunset About You, Light On Me and Gaya Sa Pelikula. However, i'm choosing the latter one because i cried many times with it and that show gives me a nostalgic/warm vibe, i feel at home watching it. Also... such a good soundtrack, i have many of the songs they used in my playlist <3

2. If you could change the ending of a drama which one would it be?

Lovely Writer: i remember being so pissed with that ending, especially with what they did to Aoey. The potential of that character so wasted, Aoey for me was so complex.... they humanized one second and then, in a blink of an eye, they made him a villain. Anyways, i can rant forever about this, there's still some posts about it in my blog if u search for it so yeah...

3. Name your favorite drama and tell who your favorite character was.

Light On Me: i wanted to say itsay but- yeah, i have more of a connection with LOM. My favorite character... of course is the main protagonist Taekyung! he really represents me and i adore him to death fr.

4. Name a drama you dropped within the first few episodes ~ we all have at least one!

Usually i don't drop dramas, and when I do, I barely remember them. Kissable Lips, My Oxygen and That's My Candy (i want to watch this one tho, for KimCop only)

5. Name a popular drama you've never watched and why?

SOTUS: eh, i'm not a big fan of the actors. TharnType (no need for explanation) and Love By Chance. Personally, i think both these series have some content i would not be able to handle.

6. Name a drama you regret watching.

Theory of Love: I think this is controversial, nothing wrong with liking the show, but for me, it was pure torture. It felt like watching the most toxic relationship ever in a constant cycle of despair... the side couples didn't make it any better.

7. Name a drama you thought you’d never watch but did and did you end up liking it?

Gen Y: it's crazy how this series made me laugh and i enjoyed every second. It wasn't perfect in any way, but bc i didn't take it so seriously, i was surprised... light romance (kimcop my beloved), pure comedy, sometimes being truly absurd, but yep! i loved it!

8. Name a pairing you want to see?

Mmmm, this one is hard but i guess ToddBlack? come on... they deserved each other, it was meant to be!! lol

9. Name a pairing you didn’t think had chemistry?

Bohn and Duen from My Enginner... even the side couples were better, wayyyy better.

10. Name a pairing you have seen in another drama that you like?

Mmmm i don't understand this question well but.... KimCop in Gen Y and in Close Friend 2(?). Also... I'm hoping for more Zeenunew series <3 so i want to see them in other dramas (i'm begging here)

Welp! that's it! Idk who to tag? @loveable-sea-lemon @fatal-journey @nevermiind @khunvegas @chordassinationtechnique

Feel free to ignore... it seems a lot of people here has changed their @'s so It's a bit hard to recognize everyone TT, but consider yourself tagged if u want to do it!

[retro-rezz-the-est]

fuck it, gonna post a slight rant below about last night bc some of y'all need to get over yourselves and stop being so damn annoying. convo is between me (bolded text) and @roofgeese (italics).

read it if you want, get mad if you want. at this point, idc anymore i just had to get stuff off my chest:

WAIT LIV BEAT RONDA AND IS CHAMP NOW?????

WHAT

Yep

Liv won the womens MITB and cashed it in on roomba and won

I'm so happy ;-;

Literally it was the highlight of the night for me

Both of Liv’s moments and the SP/Usos match

the men’s MITB however…..

questionable at best

who won? was it theory

Yep

retro-rezz-the-est sent a post "adding onto @dalekofchaos's ask: theory got added into the MITB match at the last minute (i.e. right before it began) by pearce..."

He got added as a surprise eighth entry right before the match started and won

Which doesn’t make sense to me at all mainly because you had to win a qualifying match to even be in money in the bank and this boy lost the US title – his US title – at the start of the show

And that kind of takes away from everyone else who had to qualify for the match in the first place

that smells like a Vince decision. isn't he super big on Theory for some reason

And my question is why did they have him when it in the first place?

It makes no sense story wise

Because at the end of the day he’s either going to be cashing in on Roman – who he is definitely not beating, absolutely not – or he’s cashing in on Brock – who is also not beating, no chance in hell is that happening

yeah that doesn't make any damn sense

I heard some rumors that he was going to be facing Cena at SummerSlam for the briefcase because theory in Cena we’re going back-and-forth when Cena came back for his anniversary celebration and because Cena failed his only money in the bank cash in but it still doesn’t make sense

If the plan was theory versus Cena, why not have theory win at money in the bank and retain his US title and then face Cena for the US title at SummerSlam?

that would make so much more sense, but WWE is...illogical at best lol

That would make infinitely more sense than having theory lose and then win the money in the bank case because the US title is one of the titles that synonymous with Cena and his career

I’m not mad at the fact that they’re pushing younger talent. Both Liv and theory are incredibly talented wrestlers and they deserve the push

I’m just confused as to why theory, out of all the people who you could’ve possibly put in as a surprise entry into the match, was chosen

Because it makes no sense no matter how you look at it

yeah it's bizarre. The only thing I can think of is Vince, even though he's not super involved at the moment

And that kind of just makes all the qualifying matches for the men’s match mean nothing in a way, because this random surprise entrance that no one knew about until literally right before the match began won the match

And if you’re going to have a surprise eighth entry into money in the bank, at least make it someone interesting that no one would expect

agreed

Theory literally lost his title at the top of the card

That should literally make him one of the least qualified people to be in money in the bank because he fumbled his own bag

100%

Like I’m still trying to wrap my head around this

The circles that you have to run in order to make this seem actually plausible and like a good idea is wild

And there are people on here that are just getting pissy that people are upset about theory winning because “oh you just don’t like theory, oh you just hate the fact that he’s been accused of all this stuff, oh you just hate that he’s not the guy that you want pushed” and that’s not the case

People are upset because every single one of the men in the money and the make match had to qualify for money in the bank

And there was no talk of a surprise entrant into money in the bank

If they said that there is going to be a surprise eighth entry from the jump, then we wouldn’t have been so surprised

Of course people were going to be angry no matter who it was, but that’s not the point

The point is Siri lost his match, he lost his title, he shouldn’t have been in the match in the first place

*Theory

That’s why people are mad, that’s why people are upset

They’re not mad because they’re pushing younger talent, they’re not mad because of some BS allegations, they’re not mad about any of that

Yeah, sometimes disliking something doesn't have to do with the person's history, just TERRIBLE illogical booking

They’re mad because it literally makes negative sense that he won the match

Because who is he going to cash it in on, Roman? Brock? Heaven for bid, Dwayne?

Because he’s going to lose and he’s going to lose spectacularly and it’s going to make him winning money in the bank almost a waste of time and effort

Winning the money in the bank contract is supposed to elevate your career and it’s supposed to have you make a mark on history as a potential champion, as a potential world heavyweight champion

But looking at the lineup now for who is potentially going to be facing, it’s going to be an embarrassment when he feels his cash in because we all know that’s what’s going to happen

Hell, even riddle qualified to be in money in the bank rightfully and I don’t even fucking like him

Summerslam is in one month and no matter who wins that last man standing match between Roman and Brock, if theory cash in on either of them then he’s going to get his ass turned into literal grass

And if he waits a bit of time until wrestlemania next April, then he’s going to potentially be facing either Roman or the rock

And he will get his ass turned into literal field mulch there as well

So much so that all of his stans on here are going to act like this was planned from the jump when I bet you that him being entered into money in the bank in the first place and him winning the match in the first place was decided like minutes before the match began

Also if you’re going to have a surprise entrance into money in the bank, why not pull up one of the guys from NXT?

Bron, Carmelo, Grimes, Solo, Trick, Gacy, D’Angelo, Santos….

He will get destroyed. that twink will get obliterated. and oh 100%. they were probably like yeah go for it Thoery why not

The list goes on and on and on and on

That would’ve been an amazing thing to do because the interactions between the main roster guys in the NXT guys so far have been relatively great

All of the matches that have been going on between both sides have been awesome and it would be such a great thing to see one of the guys break out into the main roster and their first opportunity is a chance at the title

It would have been so damn interesting to see Braun in money in the bank because he is extremely over and has had some great matches on war against Ziggler and Roode and Ciampa already

*Bron

But at the end of the day, at least riddle didn’t win and that’s all I’m happy about

lol

(end scene)

[theories-by-val]

Why Loki and Sylvie are actually a legitimate canon ship

In the last episode of Loki we see Loki and Sylvie kiss, and me die of happiness for like two seconds until she pushed Loki into the TimeDoor, after which I screamed for a full minute.

A lot to unpack here. First and foremost, the kiss itself, aka: the conditions under which it happened and why it happened.

If you go back and look at the scene, Loki is opening up. He tells Sylvie that he just wants her to be okay and *sniff sniff*. I'm not crying, you are!

But anyway, Loki tells her that he just wants Sylvie to be okay, which is heartbreakingly adorable, but there's more behind that.

Throughout the series, we see Loki trying to come to terms with his feelings and the fact that his feelings were for Sylvie, a variant of himself, and were so intense was extremely confusing for him and that scene is basically him finally accepting them.

You can see a tear on his face before Sylvie kisses him, which further proves my theory.

Plus, it was Sylvie who initiated the kiss, so do with that what you will.

Anyway, the kiss happened because that moment was Sylvie's realization of exactly how deep her feelings for Loki ran, although it is kind of sad how obvious it is that Loki loves her more than she loves him.

You can say that Sylvie used the kiss to manipulate and distract Loki, but that theory doesn't really make sense.

The issue with that theory is that Sylvie didn't need a distraction or to manipulate him, because Loki's guard was down, and he was opening up.

She could've pushed him straight into the TimeDoor if she really wanted to, but she chose to accept her feelings first. And you can see how much her heart is breaking to push him into the TimeDoor by her face, which looks absolutely devastated after the kiss, and not because the kiss wasn't good, I'm sure they both thoroughly enjoyed it, but because, like I said, she knew what she had to do, but she didn't want to.

Plus, when Sylvie was also questioning how much she could trust Loki in this scene, and if she didn't actually love him, she would have killed him, because she knew Loki wouldn't even try to hurt her.

If that wasn't enough reason for you, then here's some more.

Sylvie makes Loki happy, and that should be all that matters. I get it, Mobius and Loki already act like an old married couple, but I'm like that with my besties but doesn't mean I want to marry them.

Both characters have already openly said that they only see each other as friends, and besides, there's a very high chance that Mobius has kids of his own since the TVA stole him from his life. So why would you want to break up a happy family?

Same thing with Clintasha shippers! Clint has a fucking family! With 4 kids! Like-

Just because two people are friends does not mean they like each other. That's just not how it works!

I personally think it's because they had Loki come out as bisexual, which is pretty amazing, and I as a bisexual am extremely ecstatic. But that is literally the entire point of bisexuality! You like both men and women, and I get it, you want to see a queer relationship in the MCU, and I'm sure we will get one soon, but having a character come out as bisexual and then immediately date someone of the same gender is not a very good option from a business standpoint.

So here's a little breakdown. The MCU has never had any queer characters so having every character be straight and then jumping to a character dating someone of the same gender is too big of a jump. The issue is that it's just really risky. When you make a big step like this there's a 50-50 chance of getting a lot of backlash. And when you break that big step down into smaller steps there is a, say, 80-20 chance of getting a lot of backlash. And to a big company like Marvel, that is significantly better.

I think what angers me is that grown-ass people don't take a second to look at how such things would affect the plot or the actual real life company and just go off on internet rants talking about things like this.

Anyway, I think it's time to wrap up this post. Let me know what you thought of it, and consider following if you enjoyed this post and want to read more!

Love ya, Valentine

PS: Here's a cat meme:

[captainshazamerica]

🎪 titans spoilers

Tim is too well mannered and smart to be associated with the titans they're a literal bunch of toddlers although donna felt like an old lady being called miss troy and ma'am (I'm 23 an I love being called ma'am my brains like who me I'm an adult cool) 😅 gar and tim are prob gonna bond over being the only titans capable of rational thought 😅 The train was quite cool tbh yo how long have people been on that train cuz that one lady looked very 1920s to me

HANK HALL YOU BEAUTIFUL PRECIOUS ANGEL I knew he wasn't gonna make it out of there but my dumb brain held out a smidge of hope Hank is always in protector mode and always concerned about saving the children he tries to help jason and boom dead he tries to help tim and oh no still dead dang it hank, when donna was like oh no dawns gotta be so upset and hanks like yeah she better be 😅 donna wanted to stay and had to leave and hank wanted to leave and had to stay 😢 donna and hank talking about jason and hes like that little fcker blew me up! I know he talked about revenge on jason and I do think that if he got back he would be focused on stopping jason but I also think over a little time he'd forgive him and they'd kinda be buddies again and he'd help him with the drug problem also hank should get to kick crane in the face cuz yeah. Of course hank be driving around the after life blasting living on a prayer and he manages to find a car and a hotel I'm so happy he's with his brother now tho they gonna be kickn ass in the after life hanks basically some type of afterlife guardian now so I'm taking that as he's literally an angel 👼

Maybe hank donna and tim all had the good luck to find each other because of the ritual thingy they were tryna do at themyscira oh my gosh rachel is too funny her idea of themyscira punishment was being made to fight a shark or getting thrown in a pit 😂 that lady tho was that hippolyta and she saying her daughter being dead and earlier donna said to hank it's not like I died stopping an asteriod I died at a carnival so am I connecting stuff that ain't there or did Diana get killed stopping an asteriod? Ahem DONNA WITH THAT SWORD THO why is she so cool can she have a sword on team titans pls now

Okay but honestly somebody please please please help bruce what the heck dick I get he's got a lot to deal with but he could contact bruce now and again and I dunno maybe make him aware that jason is not dead!!! I don't even know if bruce knows or not Although I do think it is interesting character wise that when he broke his no killing rule he ended up turning on himself I really hope they don't just blow past his grief like someone please maybe donna talk to bruce please I was sitting getting so annoyed like bruce spends his whole life as batman and trying to help gotham and save people and there's no one there to save him and then donna swoops in donna I love you

Hank trying to use the power of his imagination to produce a weapon and he ends up with nightwings wingdings 😅😅😅 that was so hilarious to me p.s for that ask game the other day you asked who my fav legends was it's Zari Tomaz (theres two zaris but I've just got a softer spot for the first one) 💕💕💕

also dc should do a really cool back and white noir movie and a scarecrow movie like the way they did that joker movie would be dope too (it would also be intensely cool if they did a dc black label psychoanalytical exploration of Dr Jonathan Crane leading into Scarecrow stories because honestly I think he's one of thier more frightening villians cuz yeah if joker comes to mess you up it won't be a fun time but at least whatever he does to you he's not going to achieve locking you inside your own mind and there's a chance batman or someone will save you but with scarecrow if he comes to mess you up there's a high chance that he'll screw your brain up that much that you literally get trapped in your own mind and like how is anyone gonna be able to get you out of that also the clinical medical-ness would be a touch extra frightening cuz he can mess up with precision whereas joker will wreck you anyway he can but he's not gonna be able to be so precise in what he's doing sorry for the rant but they have such cool characters and so much potential to do stuff with them like ahhh )

Omg I just realized I never replied to your previous titans ask ahhhh I am so sorry!!!! I love getting your asks!!!!

LMAO, u right, Tim IS waaayy too good and pure and smart for the titans ahahaha. Protect him ahhh. I would die for him omg, I absolutely LOVE how they are doing him and how Jay is portraying him omg its near perfect.

Ahahaha, thats so funny xD people called me Ma’am when I worked at Disney world and it always freaked me out xD Especially cause I look so much younger than I am xD It is nice but weird being considered an adult ahahaha

True, Gar and Tim are the only ones with braincells omg xD I feel like they will get along really well awwww.

Omg I thought that one lady on the train looked like she was from the 20’s too!

Right! Hank has grown on me sooo much, like I didn’t really like him 1st season, was indifferent 2nd season, and like him a lot this season. Oh my dumb butt def didn’t think/occur to me that he wouldn’t get out tbh xD I think it works out for his arc though, especially with him and OG kicking butt together there, that was so cute and sweet and perfect. Tho I do want resolution between him and jason but i guess that isn’t gonna happen :(

Huh, interesting about the Diana theory, I never thought of that but you right, I can see that/it makes sense!

Omg I couldn’t handle donna pulling a sword while hank got freaking Robin throw stars and nunchunks that he immediately got hit in the face with xD That was too freaking funny “I was defiantly NOT thinking about Grayson” xD lmaooooo

Dude, this Bruce is so freaking erratic omg. Gosh, I really hope Dick can help him and we get some father son bonding cause my gosh Bruce has me STRESSED this season omg, God bless Donna Troy. I truly thought he was gonna die there! Not even saying goodbye to Dick, smh!

Huh, Ive never heard of Zari Tomaz, Ill have to look her up!

BRO A BLACK AND WHITE SCARECROW MOVIE WOULD BE SO FREAKING GOOD OMGGGGGG. Pleasseeee DC! Gosh, I would KILL for a “psychoanalytical exploration of Dr Jonathan Crane leading into Scarecrow story”, omg, gosh that would be PERFECT! Crane is SUCH an underrated and underused villain! And omg dont apologize cause like same and i love seeing your analysis and rants!!

[justanotherlifeff]

Levi Ackerman × reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt/comfort, Fluff, matured themes, slowburn

Warning: There's mentions and descriptions of underage rape and suicidal themes and self harm.

Levi POV

The M.P expected us to turn Eren in after the failed operation but Erwin apparently had a plan. I woke up and went to the dining hall to find (Y/N) making tea. Just two cups for today. She avoided looking at me. Her eyes were puffy which meant she cried to sleep. I never thought the death of our comrades would make her cry. She didn't seem like someone who would cry about what happened in the past that easily. I didn't want to judge her though because even if I didn't see her get too close to anyone from the team, she still must have cared. 

"Rough night?" I asked her as she set down a cup of tea and some biscuits in front of me. "Yeah. A bit" she answered and took a sip of her own tea. There was an awkward silence between us as I didnt know what to say to her. "I wish I died instead. Things would've been better that way" she murmured again and took a biscuit from the plate. "Don't say that. What happened has happened. We can't change anything and I'm glad that you're alive. You're a big asset to the team" I replied. I knew I was bad at giving condolences to people but this probably was the worst I've ever done. 

"You aren't glad captain. Wouldn't you have preferred it if Petra was alive instead? After all, you were supposed to get married to her. I... I could've saved her you know. But I didn't because I had some personal issues with her. I wasted that one second of advantage that I had over the female titan just because I didn't know which would've been the right decision. The one I made was clearly wrong, by general ethics and also because it caused a lot more trouble for you and uncle Erwin. The most horrible thing about it is that I… I felt relieved that she's out of my way. I regret the fact that my decision made someone lose their child and someone lose their… loved one. What I did is a punishable offence and I would gladly accept my punishment." she said looking down at the table. 

I sighed at that. Of Course she had something to do with this. Someone with her level of skills could've easily gotten out of that situation. 

"(Y/N), I will be blunt with you. What you did was selfish, irresponsible and immature. I won't go on with the ethics here because I personally killed people who had a problem with me back in the underground. However, (Y/N), we are not underground now. We are up here where ethics have value. I personally made some very immature mistakes during my first expedition too, trying to kill Erwin. That got the two people I ever gave a damn about killed. I won't report this to the higher ups because I tried to kill a comrade on my first expedition too due to my selfish whims. However, (Y/N), if anything like this happens again, I won't hesitate to report to Erwin. I care about my comrades and you will have to take responsibility for such actions. The titans are already out to kill us during the expeditions and killing each other won't help humanity or your goals. I won't ask you to be ashamed of what you did. You made the decision and you are owning it. However, I am not proud of what you did. I expected you to be able to keep your personal feelings out of your job. By the way what do you mean by that deal about marriage? Petra had a crush on me but the feeling wasn't mutual. I wish I transferred her to another squad but I can't change anything now. Petra and I weren't supposed to get married. She just ranted about it to her father I suppose so that he could convince me." I said to her in a monotone voice, wondering if that thing about marriage that Petra probably bragged to (Y/N) about made (Y/N) make such a bad decision while her eyes widened.

 "But I saw you two kissing... " she started when I interjected "she just confessed her feelings to me then and kissed me out of nowhere and you opened the door before I could process the whole information and push her off me." I explained. "But she told me you are dating her..." she started again and I interjected again to say "She was bluffing" this time annoyed because she just isn't getting the message. "But why.." she started again and I stopped her again to say, "because I like someone else you idiot! ". 

At this point, she looked like someone punched her in the gut as a flash of regret glinted in her eyes. It passed in mere seconds before she looked surprised at me and asked, "Heichou, don't mind me asking but are you gay? And is that Eren?" The look on my face probably made her understand how ridiculous that theory is. Why did she even assume that? "Sorry for assuming. But if you're not gay, it must be Hanji.." she muttered and I could see a speck of sadness in her eyes. Does that mean she likes me too? 

"Why would I even like that titan loving shitty glasses? She's like a sister." I told her in my monotone voice. "Oh! So, is it someone I know?" she asked me. "You do know that I'm your superior right brat? You shouldn't be asking questions like this." I told her. "You told me that I can trust you. Doesn't that mean you should trust me too? And these trust businesses kinda make us friends right? Since we are trusting each other about things that are personal? And I thought friends talk to each other about stuff like who they are interested in." she told me with a straight face but her voice betrayed her. She was nervous. 

"What's in it for you?" I asked her. She can't know I'm interested in her. "Just curious. I'm not great at making friends and since I happened to make a friend by myself, I just thought I'll try to make a conversation. Sorry for bothering you captain." she muttered, without looking at me. "Look, it's best if you don't know. I like someone I'm not supposed to. If this gets out, both her and my reputation will be on the line." I explained to her with a serious tone. It was the truth. After a pause, she said, "I happen to be in a similar situation" with a smile. She really should smile more often.

(Y/N) POV

I felt like a complete idiot. Of Course Petra lied. It was all sinking in now. I got someone killed because I was a selfish piece of crap. And to add to my guiltiness, she wasn't even with Levi heichou. How could I do this to her? To her parents? "Why the hell are you still alive! Such a burden... Just get out of my house and die somewhere will you?!" I remember a voice shouting at me, a memory of my childhood, a memory from the underground that never left me. Was I becoming like her? That woman who sold me off to that brothel? Was I becoming like my biological mother? That woman broke every promise she ever made to me. Could I live with myself if I became like that? 

I decided not to think more of it because I probably would never be able to look in the mirror and tolerate myself. With that, I stopped thinking about it and just as heichou mentioned that he liked someone, I blurted out that I am in a similar situation without giving it a second thought.

Who was he talking about? That day after looking at Petra kiss heichou, I came to the conclusion that I have feelings for Levi heichou and I don't regret Petra's death because her absence made my insecurities go away. I felt like I'm a monster for thinking that way and cried quite a bit thinking how disappointed my parents could have been, how disappointed everyone would've been in general as I thought about it last night. I also thought that heichou just lost his fiancee and I definitely didn't have a chance because he probably would be too devastated to be with other women.

 Now that I knew the truth, I felt plain guilt, however, as there was the slightest possibility that the girl heichou likes could be me, I didn't have any intention to let go of this chance. "I'll tell you who I like if you tell me about you. That way no one can double cross each other." I said to him. "I don't feel comfortable about telling you who she is." heichou stated, not looking at me. I could see him blushing. It was a sight to see. 

"We could play a game of 5 questions. We will ask each other 5 questions and both can answer as yes or no. Is that okay?" I proposed. I personally always hated this game that Eren and my fellow members of the 104 trainee corps made up but at that moment, I couldn't think of any other way to get heichou to open my mouth. "Isn't that a children’s game?" heichou asked me, raising an eyebrow. "Well, yes but we don't exactly have things to do right now so why not kill time doing this?" I reasoned. "Yeah I guess we do have some time to kill.." he answered, sounding a bit unsure. 

"Do I know her?" I asked. "Yes. And is it a man?" he answered and asked.

 "Yes. Is she from the 104 training Corps?" I answered and asked again.

 "Yes. Do I know him?" he answered and asked.

 "Yes. Was she in the top 10 recruitments?" I answered and asked. A blush formed on my face. So he was into someone from our training Corps.. 

He looked away and said, "Yes. Is he from the 104 trainee Corps?" The tension between us increased.

 "No. Was she in the top 3?" I asked not looking at him. If he says yes, it's either me or Mikasa. 

"Yes. Does he happen to be a squad leader?" he asked. His body was tense and he averted his eyes from mine. I did the same since I was too nervous.

 "Yes. Was she in the first position?" I almost whispered. I was speechless. I never thought that slightest hope could become something so big. 

"Yes. Is he the captain of the survey corps?" he asked while running a hand in his hair. His face looked serious. He was interested in me. 

"Yes'' I whispered. I was so shocked that I didn't know how to react. I should've felt happy but in reality, I felt terrified. I knew why I felt that way. It's because the reality sunk into me. The world was a cruel place. Bad things happened whenever I believed in people. I wasn't ready to lose him. I didn't know if I ever could be ready for that. He looked at me with wide eyes. I could see the fear in them. He was scared too and I understood why he felt that way. He was right. This was impossible.

Levi POV

Did we just confess to each other? What the hell am I doing? This isn't like me at all. I seriously agreed to play this stupid game those cadets made up just to know who she had feelings for? I knew that if it wasn't me, I would make their life in the survey corps much more hellish than it already is. Now that I know that it's me, it bothered me that I would have to break her heart. 

However, this girl made me make all sorts of bad decisions and I couldn’t even hate her for it. I looked straight at her eyes. She was blushing and her eyes were as terrified and sad as mine. This wouldn't work and she understood it. I was glad that she understood the issue because explaining this would be a big problem. 

The silence was broken by Eren. "Hey (Y/N), you made breakfast?" he asked her cheerfully. (Y/N) muttered a "No" with her usual monotone voice. Eren didn't notice the tention in the room because of how stupid he is as he sat down beside (Y/N). "They are late.." I broke the silence.

 "I can't believe that good-for- nothing Erwin.. Making me wait. The MPs are going to get here first. Most likely.. He's having some trouble taking a shit." I stated which made Eren laugh while (Y/N) remained stoic. She probably still was processing everything. I took another sip of the tea and placed it on the saucer. 

"Heichou, you're pretty talkative today," Eren pointed out nervously. Of Course I was. I confessed to (Y/N) a while back and the situation just got more complicated. I was talking so much because there was too much on my mind. "Don't be stupid. I've always been talkative" I answered instead. 

"Eren" (Y/N) called out, her face looked like it had aged suddenly. I knew that she was about to talk about her contribution to the death of my squad to Eren. She seemed more worried about the squad's death.

 "I could've saved Petra and that would've saved Oluo but I didn't because of my own personal issues. I was wrong to do that. My priorities shouldn't be greater than anyone's life. I need to know if you can forgive me after hearing this." she told him, her voice monotone. 

"(Y/N)... I can't forgive you for the decision you made but, I made a wrong choice too. That was what got you in that situation. It all started from me. Back then, if only I hadn't made the wrong choice things might have been different. Even you were injured..." Eren stated, looking at me at the end.

 "I told you two. No one knows how things will turn out. Stop blaming yourselves for this. It's just how the situation was." I answered, shutting them up. The last thing the survey corps needed right now were soldiers that had regrets. Just then Erwin and the others arrived.

(Y/N) POV

Armin came to a conclusion that Annie could be the female titan. The plan was, when the military police would come to escort us, Eren, Armin and Mikasa would sneak out. They would take Annie to the abandoned underground city in stohess district and fight her there with some other survey corps soldiers and with Eren's titan powers. I was supposed to be with Levi Heichou and Uncle Erwin. Both of us were injured and we weren't allowed to participate in the fight. 

Everything was going according to the plan until there was a lightning and a gust of smoke. We knew the plan had failed. Commander Nile looked surprised and was talking to Uncle Erwin. I looked at Levi heichou. He was staring at the smoke. Suddenly he looked at me and said, "seems like plan A failed. We need to go somewhere safe until the fight is over. Go tell Erwin to make his conversation quick and get moving". " Yes heichou" I replied and went to Uncle Erwin. My mind was still stuck to the conversation we had this morning. Heichou was right. It was impossible. But... If I couldn't have the one I love, I couldn't reach my goal of happiness. In that case, what's the point of being alive?

To be continued... 

Taglist: @kingtamakimurder @realityisoftendisapointing