#i'm slightly panicking

[dorkycreature-89]

i'm sorry.....those sketches were LEAKED??????

ohhhh my fucking G O D. that has to ABSOLUTELY be the most shittiest things you could do to an artist. i didn't know the gregpearl sketches were leaked until now. and since it happened AGAIN, i......i have no words

i......i don't wanna sound like i'm trying to stamp on anyone's fun but i feel like we're too excited for any ounce of su content, we're just ignoring the fact that these were posted without sugar's permission. i feel like as an artist, that's the most disrespectful things you could do to them since YOU thought it'd be right to post it without their knowledge. and it just annoys me a bit that people are just talking about the content of the drawings rather than the fact it was fucking leaked

i've always had a problem with leaks and this is just atrocious as an artist myself. and yeah, i'm probably overreacting. i do that a lot. i just......i don't know. i'm kinda freaking out as an artist rn

i'm a bit panicked and i don't know what i'm doing

[supernaturalkickparty]

I've been laughing and crying

[newsworthy-rust]

guys I'm pancking my really long draft for the fic exchange was on my school account (IDK WHY) and my phone will NOT let me access it and my cats ate my computer cord so I can't turn on my computer and I ordered a new one a few days ago but it got delivered to the WRONG ADRESS and the new one comes THURSDAY so I have to start all over on my PHONE 😭

[littlesmartart]

HANDS DIRTY | DELTA RAE

I've been thinking about this song + JGY for a long time ("I get my hands dirty, I show up so early, they show me no mercy, so I just keep working" hello???? hello??????), and I would like to personally thank ZZJ for his wonderful face and brilliant acting 🙏

[peanutbutterandbananasandwichs]

Ok you know what I've been putting this off since Christmas cause spending money on "silly" things for myself gives me extreme anxiety buuuuuutttt: Going to Crossroads 10!

[qvietspvce]

heart stopping moment thinking i had lost mum's dog when actually he's been sleeping under a shrub in the back garden for an indeterminate amount of time

[topsyturvy-turtely]

so apparently when you go to a concert when you are actually kinda sick (sore throat, etc.) and scream-sing along to the songs...

you will not have any voice the next day. literally. i can barely whisper...

[daz4i]

i'm def doing it wrong bc the whole point of acting is to bring your own feelings into what the characters experience so you know how to express them. but i'm kind of going at it backwards bc. the reason i'm good at acting is i am simply autistic lol i was almost doll-like as a kid and didn't show emotions or talked much so i had to learn how to do it like others did and then start faking it. and that's what acting is 👍

[kurooscoffee]

Anyway... I'll wait a day or two for the air to clear out before I post what I wanted to post 😅

[fazcinatingblog]

Good night Tumblr xx

[soulsxng]

When close to Enoch, one may notice their heartbeat quickening ever so slightly. Goosebumps raise along their arms, and they find themselves holding their breath. It feels, perhaps, similar to excitement. Anticipation.

If they meet his eyes, those feelings quickly ebb into something warmer. Something that feels almost familiar. Comforting, even...but in a way that they can't quite put their finger on.

His smile is inviting, and he gives some small greeting or another. Maybe it's his inflection, or the clear, quiet confidence in his voice that makes it hard not to hang on every word he says. Before they know it, it's as though most other noise around them has faded into the background.

It's easy to watch him. To be around him. Each movement easy and precise; a purpose to each and every one. He leaves himself little room to make a mistake, but it doesn't appear as though he's trying to force perfection, either. (even if he is) A comfortable in between that has that feeling of familiarity growing. As if those gestures and mannerisms are something they know. That they've heard and seen a hundred times before.

They come away feeling as though they know a few meaningful things of him. Like the end of a well-loved novel, it leaves both a feeling of satisfaction, and a craving to know more.

Many animals and beasts are said to be good judges of character, though. And though a vast majority seem drawn to Enoch in much the same way as other beings are, it's the opposite for others.

For these beasts, there's something more to it. Those first feelings they become aware of aren't excitement. The anticipation is different. It feels like eyes are on them. Something is watching. Something is waiting, like a predator who, despite having already had their fill, is debating on one more meal.

They catch his eyes, and it's too late. The predator already has them in its maw. It's suffocating, and they only have one move left to make before teeth close over them, and they're swallowed up.

...Only to be let go again just as their fate seems imminent. Maybe it wasn't hungry after all.

Or maybe that was a warning. Pry into something too intently, and it's likely to snap shut on you when you least expect it.

Like a mouse in a trap.

[camellcat]

I love captioning, you guys! what do you mean you don't? (oh god I'm dying guh my BACK my eyes I can't feel my legsss my fingers are so stiff ohhh I'm going to faint I need to eat WHY is my water all the way on the other side of my room where did the sun go oughhh my back)

[dolce-tenebra-toscana]

Il riassunto di tutto sto casino dallo scorso anno 😅

If i talk about that person to my therapist again i think she's gonna slap me like in a low budget telenovela 🤣🤣

But yeah this javadoodles reel i found on ig was perfect to describe how i'm feeling right now lol, it has been a long process but now i'm waaaaay less angry and sad than before ✌️

[canine-teethed-sheets]

okay.

i can't hide everything.

mom's not gonna be happy about it. she's definitely gonna scold me.

scared. but.

it's fine.

it's the internet!! there are things that can't be blocked or hide. it's fine.

it's going to be fine. just try not to panic. just don't panic.

you're old enough to handle things. stop crying.

[thedressagedraft]

.

[inkskinned]

you said you were stuck in a time loop, which was fine. i feel like late-stage capitalism has us all in a time loop, ammiright? you came barging in at 5:33. in the morning. i hadn't even processed the idea of coffee.

but you had this look of utter panic in your eyes. terror like the ocean. you grabbed my cheeks. im in a time loop.

i don't know why in movies the first reaction is to deny it. when someone is panicking like that, it's not appropriate to ask them to calm down. it didn't matter if i believed it, what mattered was that you believed it so much that it was consuming you.

so here we are. i pour you some of the dark roast. "you look like utter and entire hell," i say.

you push your fingers into your eyes. "you always say that."

i try to think of something funny to say that i wouldn't have said on previous time loops, but jokes don't land without the proper timing (lol). "remind me to think -"

"-yeah, of a joke that only works in the future. and before you say anything, i know you're pissed i just stole your punchline." you bolt the coffee, which is wild. it's very hot. you don't seem to notice.

i blow on mine to cool it down. i both am very pissed at you and also i can't see you in this amount of panic without wanting to help. but i'm also not really sure what we are, not since i saw you kiss her like that, no offense. it just was like, kind of rude when you knew i liked you.

and besides. i'm just like, barely a person. i write omegaverse fanfiction. i love the concept of a time loop, but what the fuck am i gonna do? send an alpha in there? i open my mouth.

you point at me. "you're about to ask why me. and then say some disparaging shit about yourself. i'm just a nerd who plays dnd or something. that self-own is slightly different each time." you sigh. "i know you think you can't really help me. i don't know who can help me. i only came to you because you fucking believe me." you check your watch, sigh, and throw your head back. you cover your eyes with one hand. "i've come here on 26 separate revolutions," you say. "you have believed me every time. and yeah, i have no idea how you fit into this but i just -" you sigh again. "i just like fucking talking to someone about it."

"do you need more cof-" i start, but you're already holding the empty cup out. i frown at it. "you're not getting any more until you promise not to bolt this one like an animal."

you laugh a little and sit up, pushing your hair out of your face. "okay, that's new dialogue. but to be fair to you, i'm not usually this rude. i'm still pretty new at all of this." you check your watch again. another sigh. i guess you're cruising for a personal best in the Sigh Olympics.

i almost tell you im not an NPC but i've played enough video games to know i'm very much an NPC. i pour you another cup. "so what happens in the loop?"

"really bad explosion." you mutter into the mug. you put your elbows on the table (rude) and bury your face in your arms like an angsty teenager. one hand floats up while you talk, because evidently you literally can't talk without your hands. "i have to save the day and there's this bomb and i have no bomb training and it keeps moving, you know."

"do i die?"

you peek up from your arms. "yeah. bigtime. you keep trying to run or stay or do anything and you always super die."

"oh."

"to be fair, like, everyone dies in it though.... so you're in good company."

i hate that you make me laugh. i hate that being around you always feels tingly and strange, this electric tension between us. something that is evidently (given how you stuck your tongue down a stranger's throat literally 3 days ago) (well. 3 for me) super one-sided. i take a sip of my coffee and close my eyes.

i die today, i guess. a little spark of panic starts at the top of my hands and starts whipping up my wrists.

"shit," you say. you look at your watch and jump to your feet. "i have to go. if i can come back, i will. i am still trying to figure out when is best to do everything, you know? the order of stuff. maybe morning isn't good for us."

i look up at you and think about how you keep kissing me in the back of my car and in alleyways and in the dark. and i can never fucking get a read on you. and i also think about how incredibly panicked you look. how broken. how long have you been doing this? "i don't want to die," i say.

you glance downwards. "well, you're not really dead, you'll come back in the loop."

"but i will have died." my hands are shaking. i am trying really hard to stay calm.

you push your hands through your hair again. "i really have to go. i will have this discussion with the next version of you, though. it is like, something i am thinking about."

"but i don't get a next version," i say. i don't really have the language for this, because i haven't had 26 tries with you. i only have my memories: you, a week ago. drunk and telling me you loved me in my ear. you, kissing her anyway. you, months ago, throwing up on my birthday, whispering to me i ruin everything i touch, always, over and over. please don't ask. i can't ever fucking have that be you.

i run my finger along the rim of the mug. "i don't want to die in this one."

you seem baffled by this. "i get that but - time will reset, you'll be fine, you won't even remember we talked about this."

"but i know now." i stand up too. "i have to live the rest of this day knowing i could die. knowing i probably am going to."

"you could always die, to be fair."

i feel my hands get out of control. "earlier, you said i always say a different insult about myself. what if you're just going through different parallel universes and those are all just different - but real - versions of myself? what if you're not in a time loop, you're in a fucking universe loop?"

"if it helps, i've wondered this too. also, you're hot in all of them. if that helps."

i point at you. "no flirting. i'm trying to figure out if i die today."

"who's flirting?" you catch my wild hands and give me that long, perfect smile. like we're in this together. "i won't let ya die." you check your watch and sigh again. "well. maybe not this time."

i grit my teeth. you are so not making quips at me while i try to explain the existential dread i'm having. "does the time loop reset if i fucking kill you?"

"honestly i don't know how long it continues after i die, because i just wake up. it could be that the loop goes until the explosion for everyone, and we're all in the loop, or it could be that when i die, the loop restarts. when i die i wake up, is all."

i pull away from you and stalk into the kitchen and start doing all 3 of my dishes. "okay, first, you know i was joking. and secondly, this is exactly my point. you don't know if this is just a parallel universe. maybe in the ones where you died, the explosion happened and nobody reset and it's just you travelling." i have to stop and push the heel of my palm into my eyeball. "... how often have you died?"

i look at you. you look at me. you give me this very sad, halfway smile and a little what can ya do shrug. something in that action seems so old and weary that i want to burst into tears.

"i have to go," you say. "really. for real. there's this family of five i save from getting into a car crash. and i know it's like oh but we're all gonna die in the explosion anyway, what's the point. and..." you shrug again. "it matters to me, is all. at least i saved them for now. at least i saved anything."

you pad over to me and wrap me in a tight hug. you always seem so tall against me. i feel your cheek rest against the top of my head for a moment. for a second, it's just us, and the space is warm, and my heart is a little broken hare.

you leave me there, and i stand in my stupid badly lit kitchen with my stupid mugs. i think about you. i start texting my mom that she needs to get out of the city, but it feels pointless.

i don't know what to do. tomorrow is the same day for you. but i have to prepare to die in my today.