#i'm screaming into the void here lmao
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*eye twitches*
#maja talks#so the world tour is probably not coming to europe this year....#i can't imagine they'll have a europe tour without the UK#i hate it here#trying so hard not to be negative lmao#I'm failing but oh well#i can't do festivals I hate it here so muchhhhh#it's too many people and only standing and I can't deal with that#the world truly hates me ig#screams into the void
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yeah.... so i finally got to the start of act 3 and saw the reveal of the guardian/dream visitor's real self and i-
#NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 😭😭😭😭😭 it's been 10 minutes of me sitting here in disbelief 💀💀💀💀💀💀#i mean from the very first time they seemed shady of course but i didnt care because i made my guardian pretty af#and now the very idea of that we as a player make their appearance up to our preferences#this kind of is a manipulation in itself to appeal eveb visually to the main character#considering every companion described different person that visited them#logically i knew that it's a sign of them trying to get their trust etc#and i thought i had their identity figured out 💀 i thought that was orpheus 😭💀✋️#STOPPPvmcmccm 😭😭✋️✋️#and i couldnt stop myself from reading spoilers and now i've spoiled myself kind of a lot about them 💀#this is a knife to the back because when i read it was possible to romance them in act 3 back then i was curious but now knowing the truth#i cant believe ALL of that was lies not even partly as i suspected and apparently it's the very mindflayer that infected us on the ship???#my brain is melting 💀✋️#i'm going to sleep it's too late i just needed to scream into the void about this i'm heartbroken LMAO 😂#bg3 spoilers#baldurs gate 3 spoilers
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touya, keigo, and katsuki are on my wheel multiple times and I will take no criticism ty. spinning!
#if I end up with breeding and touya I'll respin lmao#ash screams into the void#I'm gonna try and add more lesser known/hyper specific kinks later but I'm trying to bang something out rn so here we go
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intermission.
or; a chapter-that-isn't-really-a-chapter of my long-unfinished WIP, and a detailed, probably-too-personal explanation of why it's been unfinished for so long & what's been going on in my personal life, more or less.
#myfic#wip: 2023 kisses#what i've basically done here is posted and shared my bullet-point outline for what would've been the rest of this fic#because currently i just... don't know if i'm ever going to get around to writing it?#and it just feels wrong to leave pierre and charles (and all of you!) hanging in mid-2023 forever#so yeah... this isn't quite a proper update; but it's SOMETHING#it's what i can offer#and yeah... my author's note for this is probably WAY too long and way too personal#but it felt good to get it all out#even if i'm screaming into the void lmao#*i* needed this feeling of closure#and i really really hope that seeing the chapter plan might make SOMEONE out there who wondered feel some closure too#❤️
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youtube
Beasties of Greenhollow soundtrack! Some tracks on this are from older projects like elphame but all of them have been reworked in some way. Most of them are entirely new. Enjoy!
#soundtrack#music#indiegamedev#Youtube#beasties of greenhollow#indiegame#chiptune#elphame#hey again gang. Another scream into the void#Things have been getting more interesting tbh#I'm starting therapy again. I have learned from this that my anxiety is in the very very high end.#And I guess the only thing that surprises me about that is that it's an abnormally high amount vs the average.#I've had more intrusive thoughts this week than in a long time. (I almost said ever but that was 2021 where they woke me up...)#It's mostly about my mistakes and ppl I've scared out of being in my life because of the actions based on my anxieties.#Like “if i could go back in time I could fix it”... girl you'd be going back in time like 100 times. At that point it's not fair lmao#I think I shouldn't talk about who I'm dating here anymore. Friends told me to stop seeing so many new people and I took that advice.#I'm exercising incredibly frequently; obsessively so. It really doesn't change much in my anxiety. I walk for like 3 hours a day.#My friend group is... difficult. One of us had a falling out with another and the dynamic is just so awkward for me now.#it just seems like everyone else has moved past it though but I still miss him. I don't think this can be reversed#we used to talk on my stream and play digimon cards n jackbox and d&d... But now they're only interested in d&d which I don't love#For god's sake I've published a game and moved to a nice new place. why aren't I happy hahahaha#work is no longer enjoyable since BoG was publised. our new project is in an iffy category but it's not my place to argue#I want to write music and animate but I have to do my hours for this new project before I can do anything like that...#I ended up siding with my current boss in that ethical dilemma I posted about and rn idk if that was the right decision.#Okay what can i talk about that's good? We moved to a nice place. I'm celebrating BoG's release with family tomorrow.#Graeme's playing Iconoclasts- one of my favourite games! He's also returning to work soon so it'll be less awkward to have a lady over#Thinking about good stuff going on just draws the mind to holidays I've had before. I treasure my memories!#Okay so I've complained for a long long time bc life doesn't feel great rn. But rest assured I already know this is 90% my fault hahaha#Oh another good thing that happened!!! My elestrals card was printed and ppl are really happy with it. I have a card in a real card game!!!#don't tell anyone but there's another one on the way. Anyway that will do for now. I'm sorry about my... self.
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anyway terrified that the reason my posts don't get as much engagement on here as they used to isn't because tumblr is dabbling in algorithmic shenanigans or because there just aren't as many people using the platform anymore but because everyone has gotten tired of me individually
#not to be weird about it but it used to be that i almost never made a post that netted 0 notes#like u kno. there was always The Handful of Mutuals to leave a smattering of likes on my more like. personal life bloggy blog posts.#but on days like today it's like. half the posts i make just end up with 0 notes. no acknowledgement.#like i really am just screaming into the void over here#and i'm not trying to like guilt anyone into liking my stupid posts lmao it is just something i have noticed that makes me feel#if possible#Even More Isolated Than I Already Did#which is great
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having a deep-talk with a friend on whatsapp about how i'm really weird about having romantic feelings for someone and thinking about that one time when my mom stumbled across utsukushii kare on viki (back when only the first season was out) and watched it and then promptly sat me down and made me watch it too and by the end of it i was having a bit of a crisis, sitting there with my jaw dropped to the ground going "oh shit i see myself in hira" while my mom is just laughing her ass off saying "there's a reason why i wanted you to see this"
#i really need to watch the second season at some point#i didn't watch it back when it dropped bc i wanted to watch it together with my mom#but my mom that little traitor just went and watched it without me#i probably should have told her that i wanted to watch it with her lmao#anyway i still haven't seen s2#utsukushii kare#airenyah plappert#adrm#also that whatsapp conversation sharing insecurities sure is super duper fun#got some great moments such as my friend saying ''bc of past bullying i feel undesirable and that no one will ever like me''#while i'm just sitting there like ''i've literally had a crush on you for a year now but ok''#not that i'd EVER admit it to my friend's face#no i'd much rather scream it into the void here on tumblr thanks#literally cannot deal with romantic feelings ok bye
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It's also just so incredibly frustrating because people will take any example of a (usually male) character being horrible as some sort of "proof" that they're mentally ill (which, hmm, interesting that your automatic explanation for "why do they choose to treat other people horribly" is "they have a mental illness that just Makes Them Act Like That"), but there is no kind of nuanced or critical discussion of media that ACTUALLY (for ill or for good) tries to depict mental illness, and you try to recommend media that handles it well (that might even be good for other, completely unrelated reasons!!) and people just ignore you.
#I'm going to work myself into a Full Rant™ a la the infamous '[this topic] in fiction' essay from two & a half years ago if I'm not careful#so I'm going to stop now. but I just. I want to fucking scream lmao.#honestly...once mental health awareness month hits in may I might just genuinely try my hand at making gifs#just to give stuff some fucking visibility lmao#maybe I'll try to get that 'emotional support dw lady shares my Disorder™ and here's why' fic finished (or the one about lizzie)#maybe every day is me explaining why a different character has a given mental illness according to me#maybe I'll write 3 million essays. idk. I just feel like I'm yelling into the void. I HAVE been yelling into the void for 20 years.#it gets exhausting. and tbh. also very sad.#like at this point I'm seriously considering organizing an event of some kind#but Idk if anyone would even be INTERESTED in that#because they're certainly not interested in anything regarding this topic in general!#In the Vents
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gnaws on wood
#crazy how religious trauma just got me fucked up for life lmao#and I still live with the same people who instilled that fear inside me so that's fun on a daily basis#I try my fuckign best to navigate my life and stay positive I can literally be having the best day and all it takes is one little thing-#like how is that fun for you? to sit and tell ur family members that they're gonna go to hell the end of the world is upon us#'you aren't gonna be able to live your life fully anyways just come to church and get saved then you can at least get into heaven' I JUST#I AM ABOUT TO START GOING INSANE#I need to find a way out of here but god damn I can't even find a job rn like ugfhfghfsghgfhfg god I'm trying to stay strong so bad I am#crazy how people think they're helping you when really they're the ones pushing you further into insanity#not to mention the fact that I believe Christianity probably caused me to be so fucked mentally starting at a young age#then the fucking job thing like even then I need accommodations since I'm fucking epileptic like UGGFHFGHFGHFGHFG#It will all be okay and I believe that truly I just needed to yell and scream into the void thanks#man the worst part is the fear mongering gets to me after while and I think well damn they're probably right huh#hayden.txt
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The worst part is not that i procrastinated my term paper to the last minute. I always do that. The worst part is having to send my lecturer the topic proposal a week before the deadline which will undoubtedly be met with some extreme judgment of my time management and i am not in the mood for that
#like boy#if we didn't need to message you about the topic I'd have made one up a week from now and written everything#within 2 days#don't judge me for how i get this done#just evaluate the end result thank you very much#but ok i finally send him an email#you know what's funny is that I'm not even anxious about this#idk what happened to me but the usual panic and mental breakdown i have when it comes to proposing topics and#sending emails is just not present#I'm just so done lmao#i have my first quiz tomorrow morning in one lecture and i have to give my first peer tutoring session in another seminar#next tuesday which involves writing a 14 pages long summary of the topics of the last 2 lectures and then presenting it to my peers#and I have that interview on Tuesday as well#i love everything#at least time flies by this way#I've been counting days until i get back home and this way it feels like I'll be back in no time#(it's not that i hate it here. i just don't know what else to look forward to so seeing my dogs again seems appropriate#i just generally don't enjoy anything so this is not different which i knew beforehand#love to get judged for it ♡)#void screams#academic misery
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[Vampire Knight] Fic Idea??? Ramble???
Maybe it's my magical girl obsession talking but I think it would be hilarious to mix up elements of the precure-like magical girl genre with Vampire Knight especially if Yuuki is going around doing magical girl business whilst juggling other responsibilities like feeding Zero and making sure no one dies or finds out their schoolmates are actually vampires.
Like just imagine no one having a goddamn clue where Yuuki is and panicking except she's actually just fighting the forces of evil in the backyard like an extreme form of exposure therapy to violence (although I doubt it'd actually help with her fear of vampires hm)..
Oh and I simply wish to write about the Rido problem getting solved by one of those "healing" beams and gratuitous cutesy violence. Will the rest of VK continue on like normal? Probably not. If I were to take this idea to its natural conclusion we'd have to deal with the fallout of an entire magical society getting outed. And the whole magical girl thing.
But hey at least Kaname probably won't yeetus deletus himself this way? (maybe???)
Or maybe I just like writing about cute girls beating the snot out of things in cute outfits. I have very simple tastes and desires, it seems.
#my ideas#vampire knight#au#oh god i realise i need to update my tag directory and masterlist fr#it's like a pigsty here#crack treated seriously#crack#humor#this idea was brought to you by watching too much magical girl based shows#adding darker magical girl show elements like madoka magica would make this already depressing manga even more depressing#so we're sticking with light-hearted stuff#also so boke and tsukkomi style comedy is a completely viable option#i am truly screaming into the VK void rn lmao#(*blinking twice* help me this show has me in a chokehold)#i'm back at it again with the magical girl supremacy agenda
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don't mind me, making a new tumblr so I can obsess over the vroom vrooms and the zoom zooms and write about sexy times without playful jabs from my friends 👋😂
#the way I've been writing rpf for almost ten years and I'm still a lil squirrely about it#i should be writing other things#but here I am writing about f1 when I know virtually nothing#idk lmao#screaming into the void
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rarity and matt give off the same vibes to me idk how to explain it
#they both try to act super elegant but they fail terribly at it#(i'm specificly talking about classic matt here btw)#i like legacy but legacy matt is not elegant lmao#critter screams into the void#my little pony#eddsworld#ew matt#mlp rarity#rarity
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#lmao running in a circle asking 🍑 to pick me choose me love me while 🎹 is doing the same to me#and the reasons I'm saying no to 🎹 are obviously the same reasons why 🍑 is saying no to me but here we are screaming into the void#personal#i think i live for drama#i don't think i know how to love if there isn't something forbidden and toxic mixed into it
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actually dying for someone to scream about honkai star rail with because the brainworms are like. Bad. but both discords im in are kinda quiet and also not really creator leaned.
my usual go to is being WONDERFUL and I am enjoying chatting but he's also very far behind the story and not as into it, which is super valid but also im rattling the bars of my cage screaming and I really dont know about trying to put together a star rail creator server rn because I'm working SO much. I'd need like. a co-mod at minimum x.x
#star rail#honkai star rail#hsr#just screaming into the void rn#if anyone wants to chat I'm happy to receive messages but otherwise its fine to ignore me here lmao
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honestly i miss being on here a lot but coming back reminds me sometimes why i left LMAO
#i mean its not bc of anything bad really#its just that most of the people i follow arent active#and i'm too lazy to look for more people to follow#and the most active account i follow happens to be a bts account and like... i don't really stan them anymore so like....#like good for you massive kudos but damn i'm not even seeing groups i care about on my dash anymore#anyways i straight up got locked out of twitter hence why i'm just rambling to the void here#oh wait now i remember another reason why i dont like to go on tumblr anymore#my computer literally starts SCREAMING the moment i log on lmao#we'll see how long i'm back this time around LMAO
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