#i'm sad though i miss my friend
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hiii how is everyone
#i'm sad but i found a local-ish games night thing every thursday#and next month they're playing blood on the clocktower :3#i'm sad though i miss my friend#i miss him sooo much i would have asked if he wanted to come with me to the games night#he probably would have said no but...yknow#anyway this is good i'll get to meet people. holy shit. meeting people#that hasn't happened in a while#it's scary hopefully they're cool#hopefully I'M cool tbh.#persimmon's rambles
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Pac: Oh, Nenê... How cute... 🥺💕
After dying to an atomic creeper in a cave and stressing over potentially losing all his items, Pac returns home to set his spawn and receives a sweet surprise:
His cat falls asleep on top of him and purrs when he goes to bed :')
#QSMP#Pactw#Pac#March 28 2024#I had the exact same reaction as Pac my heart frickin melted THIS IS SO CUTE.... AND THE PURRING.... MY HEART#I desperately wish Pac got to hang out with Madagio (in his cat-form)#because cats clearly adore Pac just as much as he loves them#Maybe in an alternate universe Madagio spent a day with Pac#And in that time he learned why Fit came to care for this man so much#I don't need more WIPs on my plate but I am Pondering the idea#If the cat-hybrid Cellbit thing was canon I could crack a joke about the ''cats clearly adore Pac just as much as he loves them'' thing#but alas#For real though lock Madagio in a room with Pac for 12 hours and he'll leave being grudgingly charmed by him#aghhhh#Anyways this is so cute#but also really sad#because how many times do you think Pac's been in his room depressed over his missing son / friends / roommate#only to have his cats burrow under his arm and nudge their way onto his lap?#Don't get me started I'm feeling Emotional about cubito Pac lately
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i think we should get to spend more time with the grey company doing nice enjoyable things like baking and sitting around a campfire and telling stories and maybe making friendship bracelets have we thought about that
#lotro#signed from the devastation of the Rise of Isengard expansion and the depressing Dunland epic#i'm back on my lotro bullshit and i have DEARLY missed this game but good god i forgot how it kept making me SAD#anyway i need lotro friends#pls yell at me#though i play on arkenstone which is possibly one of the quietest servers in existence. woe be upon me#lotro playthrough tag
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just got a notification from my phone calendar saying "It's almost alfo's birthday, do you want to plan something?"
#uhhh first of all i haven't spoken to her in 7 years. :(( second... she lives in Chile. so no...#i do hope she's doing well though. :(#once i guessed the song that was in her head with no clues#(the song popped into my head after she told me to guess) and we were both like 'WHAT'#she told me we were twin flames. i didn't know what that meant but i believed it.#we used to watch movies on rabb.it and she would complain about her mom. and i would tell her everything would be okay.#and she went on a trip once where she wouldn't have wifi and had her friend Tomas keep up our snapchat streak...#anyway thank you phone for making me sad i miss you alfonsina.#fuck now i'm thinking about old friends who don't love me anymore...#alfo and emilie and w and kiwi. ahhh kiwi...#the first person to ever have a crush on me!!!#that was amazing man#kiwi and their friend maggie tried to help me make a plan for getting away from home back then. it never worked. but it was nice of them#i still have asks from both of them in my inbox : ( sigh#emilie was nice until my life fell apart and then decided i wasn't worth talking to anymore (because i wasn't dming her about my problems?)#and w and i weren't super close but we were friends for a while. did a big bang together!#and there are a dozen others who've slipped away. lol...#anyway sorry but google assistant hath just wrecked me with a simple notification. and i don't even have them turned on... :((#diaerie
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this is smth thats not gonna make sense to most ppl who follow me but 'm Thinking again so tag rambly
#i really miss lightdogs! they were so fun and Yes okay the community. in hindsight. kind of sucked butt#but i had a lotta fun there and even though i DID need the money from selling my dogs i miss them#like i know the sad fam is SAFE and fine and i wouldn't wanna get them back from the person who has them bc i trust that person#and i dont .. know where the silly babies are but im sure theyre fine too#and the few others i had like redwood and whatnot i've made ocs to fit the story roles they had so i don't NEED them back#but idk there was smth about the simplicity of them that i really liked#and i haven't been able to confidently make a new oc who captures that level of simplicity without feeling Bad or making them complex#and idk. friend i like got me into them so theyre nostalgic n happy#its been like .#fiveee years... but i think about them a lot#i don't know if i'd want a Lightdog™ again or if id be happier to just find some sorta medium where i can make a character that gives me#the same emotions that the dogs did#but man if it was still a species you KNOW i'd be busting my ass right now to get sp-inspired customs from the mods LMAO#though by now i'm sure there'd be so many it'd be REALLY hard to pick a theme lolol#idk! rolls around. i'm not big on species anymore and find myself only creating one or two lately and then sorta drifting off bc i do#personal development outside of the species world#but i like the Feeling of being in a community- and when i didnt have Fandom™ to give me community i was like. unhealthy about species tbh#overworking myself and sometimes spending money i didnt really have; i like that now i'm Better about it#but man.......................... critters................................ sigh......#pine prattles#this one really is a fuckin prattle
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the crazy thing about having low self esteem is that it doesn't just hurt you, actually
#one of my very best friends in the whole world is a drag artist#and recently they were performing at a drag brunch and i didn't go even though i said i would#because i was tired and anxious and didn't feel like pushing myself#but ALSO because i was having a bad day where i was like god. they probably won't even notice i'm not there#because all of their cool new drag friends will be there too. so actually it's fine that i'm not going!#and then guess what! their cool new drag friends didn't show up EITHER! and i missed out on a great show#and seeing my beloved friend!! because i was feeling shitty about myself!!!#AND i wasn't able to be there for them because they were super sad that none of their friends came to their first drag brunch!!!#anyways! just something i have been thinking about lately.
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ayyy
#winter holidays ^^#i need this#i will finally have some time to do things i enjoy and see people again 🥹#normally i'm always a bit sad almost when uni ends because i'll miss it#the rhythm of it and all the classes there and people#not that i don't like the winter break#well this year i'm more glad than sad i still like uni but i'm just sick of telling people off bc i have no time#and also i miss some of the people i had classes with last year and also my sleep schedule is sooo bad#i'm so looking forward to sleeping like a normal person again#i will still have to study for exams (and also train) but i will try to fill my time with things i enjoy#like playing tennis 😍 i would play everyday honestly if i could#and i want to catch up with friends from uni i just hope they#*they're still in the city during the holidays bc often that happens that no one is there anymore 😅#but on monday i still have uni football but without the uni 😂 it will be a relaxing and fun day and i will buy some christmas gifts :))#altough now i'm on the way home to my parents and i will probably spend most of the time there#even though i like living in my uni city it can get lonely especially in winter and i realized i much prefer living with others#and right now my relationship with my parents is better than ever which makes me so happy 🥹 because it was rough sometimes when i was young#and i especially want to catch up woth that good friend of mine who left uni unfortunately 🥲 i will text him if we want to meet#anyways i also think i will feel better during the holidays being active and nature usually helps in winter#aaand it's only 2 more months until february and the days will get longer so i will get through this#honestly kinda sad but hey one day i plan on moving to a place with longer days and warmer weather hopefully that will help 😅#like i was so happy in summer i still remember ... like once spring comes around i operate in a good mood again#nevermind#rant
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where are your posts.... i miss your blog!!
don't worry my darling i have returned from the war... there will be blood and poetry and venom content back on your dash very soon...
#took a break for way longer than i meant haha. i did leave a little 'hey i'm taking a break!' post on my blog but. y'know lmao#said 'a few days' there. it's been. longer than that.#my posts have been. in my head. many tumblr posts being written up there that had nowhere to go it was really sad actually#UR SO SWEET THOUGH ANON. MISSED U TOO#literally i will always return to my darling friends and devoted fans#ask
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the retconned timeline is so messed up. what do you mean everyone broke off into pairs and didn't talk to each other for three years
#libra.txt#for one thing it's unrealistic! idc how good of friends you are you NEED to spend time with other people!!!!!#for another it's just sad :(#dave and kanaya have SO much potential. but no!#dave and rose! have been friends for years and are also siblings!! but no!!!#karkat and rose!!!!!!!!!!!!!! karkat and kanaya!!!!!!!!! karkat and terezi!!!!!!!!!! but noooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i think this is also part of why i dislike davekat. like. sighhhhhh#and terezi's missing out on friendship with the mayor!#like i'm glad for pale vrisrezi good for them or whatever. but.#this should've been three years for all of them to get closer#instead of just. well here we are and we didn't spend a single minute discussing battle plans until two hours before the fight!#probably part of why i like mc escher so much. they actually interacted with other people!!!!!!#like. i know i still have a few hundred pages to go before i finish rereading hs (and no i will NOT touch the epilogues / beyond canon w/e)#but. idk. it's just. there's so much wrong. i hate retconning stuff. even though it is very interesting in hs! it is!#and john and roxy are soooo special to me. esp as the only two (besides the denizens but they don't count!!!) to remember#ALSO jake. jake my dear boy. what happened to you.#[head in hands] they're all just kids
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caught in between being desperate to have time to write fic and also doing my best to navigate adult responsibilities which this week alone look like: an assignment due, a lawyer meeting (everything is fine I just had some questions about stuff), an interview, and my bestie about to go into labor at quite literally any second and I have to be Available
#and i'm sure i'm forgetting stuff#i miss writing!!!#on the plus side a friend sent me a king cake straight from new orleans because i was homesick for louisiana and it is Very Good#hadn't had king cake since 2016 and that's way too long 🤧#the foundation of my mental health currently looks like dough with icing and colored sugar on top with a plastic baby jesus inside it#i hope i didn't accidentally eat jesus idk#also i've been trying a new antidepressant idk stuff is happening man i miss my fics 🥲#not that i think i'm an incredible writer or anything but like that was my one creative outlet and#the only one i've ever had that came organically to me#and now i don't have the time for it or when i do i don't have the energy because Chronic Fatigue and anyway i'm very sad about that#it feels like a loss of self in a way and i think i'm gonna go talk to some king cake about this#i'm not depressed though i'm just whining! i've observed that my life tends to play outs in cycles so i know it'll be fine! always is <3#hekate.txt
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i love watching my favorite shows with friends. its like watching them for the first time again in a new perspective. its so awesome 10/10. I cant even express how much it means to me when I can share something I love and fall in love with it all over again in the process. make silly jokes about it and get excited near the end and all of those things. its all so fun :)
#idk i feel so lucky that I have friends willing to do that with me and enjoy it too#it might not seem like a big thing but it means a lot to me#one of my closest friends moved away a bit more than a year ago#even though we talk every day I miss him so much sometimes#we recently started video calling to watch sk8 the infinity together and I feel like crying a little bit after we get off the call sometime#not because I'm sad but because I'm so so happy that he would do that for me#it means so much#another friend and I watched mob psycho 100 recently and that has been my favorite for a long time#we even tried making a cake#it exploded in the oven#but it was so fun#even just doing silly stuff like that is so nice#I'm very lucky to have friends who will do those things for me
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i just miss him so bad you know
#i go to think about my characters and i want to tell him little details i forgot to tell him that i remember but i can't#this is so fucking repetitive im sorry#ive made so many ''i miss him'' posts who am i#but i DO#and i don't know who to talk to#and there isn't even all that much to say.#im worried about him and i miss him and i want him to talk to me again so bad#it was the most unique friendship ive ever had. in the best way#maybe im too attached...or maybe you know. i love my friends.#and want to talk to them#of course im attached#i don't think he'd miss me this much though to be honest#man. this sucks i think#my mother asked me if im angry at him#for not responding to me#i think anger is the emotion i'm feeling the least#of course i'm not angry#this is a very him thing. i get it#but i'm worried and anxious and sad and man. i really do fucking miss him#and i know if he never talks to me again he's not going to say anything#and honestly i think there's a medium chance he'll never talk to me again. because i know him#are you getting tired of these stupid vent posts yet where i say the same thing over and over#and also hope he's not checking my blog#he probably isn't#thank god#um. yeah anyway
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There's something painfully insane about mourning the life you could have had.
#I just keep thinking about that. I feel like that idea hasn't left my mind since December#because I know I could (and should) have had a different life. I mean it was all on me#I was supposed to be successful. but I'm not and I don't think I'll ever be#but I just keep thinking about me having my own place and hosting dinner parties#it's such a particular thought that attacked me around Christmas time (and I understand why)#but it's almost May why do I still miss the Christmas parties with friends I never got to host????#and let's not even talk about the idea of hosting a 'cousins night' with all the cousins#cousins who hate me. cousins that I hate#because in the world that we were sold when we were kids we were going to be best friends forever#but that never happened. and the idea of what it could (should) have been hurts a lot#I'm fine though. but it's a constant sadness that never leaves because I WANT to be that Christmas party host#and welcome people to my place and laugh and dance and create beautiful memories with love#but it never happened and I hate it#anyway... I'm fine#just thinking way too much#random#personal#my shitty English
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|| The feeling of being able to post 💙Connor💙 and not feeling guilty about it oh my fucking gods I'll only look at the bright side of this situation like thank fuck i am allowed to feel happy
HHHHIIIIIIIMMMMM 💙💙💙
#asgard to earth 💚 (ooc)#|| tfw you don't realise how toxic someone was until they've chosen to vanish from your life#|| Sad thing is that they play the victim as if I hadn't went through panic and anxiety attacks/sleepless nights/migraine periods#|| This person single-handedly managed to kill ALL of my muses for ALL existing threads in the span of a few days and it went on for MONTHS#|| And I *didn't want them to leave*. I was clinging to them because I still thought of them as a friend and I thought we could fix it. 😩#|| They left though. Blocked me without a word. And it took me two days to feel actual *relief* instead of sadness. I was that involved.#|| But I'm healing and that's beautiful!!!! I'm finally free from guilt!!!!! I can do whatever the fuck I want!!!!!!!!!!! Gods I missed thi#|| All the people who looked at my ''journey'' kept telling me to break contact because they're slowly killing all the happiness I have-#|| And I couldn't do it but at the same time they were all RIGHT. I'm so sorry fam. I'll listen to y'all better the next time okay?#|| And thanks for standing behind me ALWAYS. ALWAYS asking me what's up if I gave even a LITTLE hint. There're so many of you who NOTICED!!#|| And I'm so glad to call you my best friends!!! You mean the world to me! 💚 I'm very very lucky that you're always here for me. 💚#personal#i am free 👻#chaos is back online 🐍
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IN ANOTHER LIFE I A M A PARTY GIRL THO
#bunny speaks#I forget to be sad about the things that I just. miss out on bc of my autism#I think bc for a long time I thought it was Just Me?#(but to be fair. the pretentious bug bites me quite a bit)#I dunno. my friends are talking about clubs and partying and going to New Orleans and gambling#and like I think a lot abt accessibility. I am the biggest proponent of Not every activity needs to be accessible bc it CANT#you CANNOT make a club accessible for me and THAT IS OKAY#I dunno. I've also never really had friends who wanted to Do that kind of stuff before though#I just. I hope they don't feel like I'm a bummer bc I miss out and don't want to go. but I also hope they don't ever feel guilt for going#but I love having multiple autistic ppl in my life. there are so many who also think actual partying is hell on earth <3#need to find ones who will also want to hang out!!! inside. where I don't. have to. feel any. bass#bunny vents
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'will u be my valentine?'
i will have. your baby.
#myevilposts#'he's avoiding the question!'#valentine's is funny bc my ex lady love (not ex gf very important difference) was like ugh i hate v day bc nobody likes#me or is in love with me and i'm single and my last bf broke up w me on v day.#and meanwhile i'm sitting there sending her v day cards and my flowers wilt and my smile walks out of the room and goes on#a trip to europe and i'm just trying to cheer her up.#and she said nobody ever writes anything about me i wanna be someone's muse so badly. well.#she got what she asked for.#be careful what u wish for bitch! or else your 'being someone's muse' will turn into 'being a footnote in someone's misery!'#i'm very nice a lot of the time though especially when it isn't deserved. i did make her the best friend in one of my novels.#i'm not that sad anymore or whatever but it just sucks bc i wasted so much time on her. that being said. but if she kissed me now....#miss missing you 2 honey.#valentine's also funny bc it's my anniversary :^)#p ref
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