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lamentationsofalonelypotato · 8 months ago

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Epilogue: True Love Is Hard To Find

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV

Summary: When the reader left Payback 40 years ago after a falling out with her childhood best friend she never looked back, but when two men show up to her apartment and start asking her questions about the past, the reader begins to think those things can’t stay hidden and starts to question what’s real and what’s fantasy. This is a re-telling of The Boys Season 3, where the reader is a supe who's known Soldier Boy since 1927. The chapters will fluctuate between past and present. This is the epilogue of my "You Call It Madness But I Call It Love" series.

Word Count: 12.2K

Warnings: I'm gonna label this one 18+ because it's Soldier Boy. Vomiting, Dark/Depressing thoughts, Heartbreak, FLUFF, FLUFF, and oh did I mention FLUFF, Sexual innuendo, Self-deprecating thoughts, Drinking, Cursing, Some references to past trauma, References to past sex, Soldier Boy might be, is, really, absolutely, completely a little OOC. Soldier Boy is really all you need as a warning.

Note: This is told from the Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. Reader is described as "curvy" occasionally. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal Monologue is in first person and is in italics

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

Song lyrics are bold, italics, and are in red. The lyrics come from "You Call It Madness But I Call It Love," by Russ Colombo (can be found at the link). This is the song I based the series on and it really is wonderful to listen to.

A/N: Well guys, we made it. Just remember that this isn't goodbye, it's I'll see you in a little while.

Five Months Later…

"Is it time to go yet?" Ben murmurs into your ear, his breath rustling against the hair he tucked carefully behind it moments ago, his hand pressing into the small of your back.

The sounds of clinking glasses, laughter, and small chatter ebb and flow over the crowded art gallery, the white walls a subtle backdrop to the colorfully dressed people, waiters, and the canvases that hang on the walls.

Women in elegant dresses stand at different sized paintings while men dressed in casual suits and ties stand beside them in stoic contemplation, their eyes following the gentle brushstrokes that cover the canvases hanging in succession against the bland backdrop.

Waiters dressed in simple suits with silver trays of food and pastries weave through the crowded room, offering treats to whomever they stop by, while a bartender sits at a large wooden bar designed to fit into the venue serving drinks to patrons and pouring multicolored liquids into glasses.

It had been five months since Ben came back, five months since you said goodbye to Homelander, and five of the happiest months of your life.

The first month following Ben's return, you had taken him to the house in Maine, figured that you both could use a vacation and spent your days sunning on the beach together and curled up in bed making up for the time that you lost when Ben was gone. You weren't complaining, not when every day you felt the same way as when you'd woken up the day after your birthday, not when each time Ben kissed you felt like the first time, and not when every time he touched you it felt like you were filled with sunlight. You felt warmer, lighter, happier, and being with him was even more wonderful than you remember.

Every day was fused with wonder and expectation and every night Ben made you feel more loved than you ever had. You were so blissfully happy that you had forgotten the past and were excited for what the future would hold for the two of you.

Lou, Rosemary, and Ryan had come after a few weeks to spend time with Ben and you at the house. Lou was ecstatic that Ben was staying in your lives and spent every moment with him on the beach having him help her make sandcastles and look for shells and shiny rocks that were rubbed smooth by the waves.

Rosemary was still icy towards Ben, but you knew that she was starting to get used to him being around. All you hoped was that one day she would warm up to him, but it was a little less awkward between the two of them. She was at least calling him by his name and she could stand to be in the same room as him. When Ben read the paper in the mornings at the breakfast table off of the large kitchen at the house, Rosemary drank her coffee quietly and read through a paperback, you painted in your watercolor pad absentmindedly, and Lou tried her best to copy you all the while making small talk with Ryan who sat beside her.

Ryan was living in the spare room in Rosemary's apartment and despite being corrected, Lou referred to Ryan as her older brother every chance she got, something that always made Ryan brush bright red. At first Rosemary and you had been wary about bringing in a blossoming teenager in to her home, not to mention a blossoming teenager that had the ability to level a small building if he wanted to, but Ryan seemed to like living there and he didn't cause any unnecessary trouble. Butcher came by every week to take Ryan out of the apartment to give Rosemary a break and Ryan was always happy to go with him.

That was something you weren't sure about. Yes, you liked that Butcher had such a big influence in Ryan's life, but you didn't like how often he came by. You weren't sure you trusted him with what he knew about Lou's powers that only seemed to grow by the day since their development. Every time Lou watched something with a supe in it she started exhibiting a new ability, but she seemed to be able to turn them on and off at will.

Which was good. She also seemed to understand the idea that it wasn't good to show them in public. There were a few slip ups, for example when Ben and you took Lou for ice cream one day. she got so excited when she received the cone that she started levitating a few inches off the ground and another time she threw a temper tantrum at the grocery store and stomped her foot so aggressively against the ground that the entire building shook.

The looks she got when she did both of those things were the same looks you got when Lou called Ben and you "grandpa" and "grandma" in public.

But she was doing better and with Rosemary's ability to touch Lou and get the power Lou was exhibiting, Rosemary had been able to show Lou how to control some of the abilities better than others.

Ryan also helped. He was old enough to babysit Lou when there was no one else, comforting because now that Lou had powers you didn’t trust anyone else to be around her and didn't trust that Vought had forgotten. Ryan was just starting school, a school just a few blocks from Rosemary’s apartment where he could feel like a real kid, and was already struggling through math. When he asked Ben for help Ben had replied that Ryan didn’t need it and the only thing Ryan should focus on was sports.

Ben was no longer allowed to offer Ryan education advice and Butcher and you both tried your best to help Ryan with math instead. You’d also told Ryan not to listen to someone who got kicked out of every boarding school he ever went to, which only made Ben smack you on the ass and say "it takes one to know one" while Rosemary mimed vomiting in the kitchen.

You had asked Rosemary if she wanted to get a new apartment, big enough for everyone so you could be around 24/7 to help her, but she’d complained and said that she was too old to be living with her parents.

She was right, but you still tried your best to be around to give her a break whenever she needed one.

Of course it wasn’t all good in those five months.

Rosemary quit her job at the hospital after everything happened with Homelander and didn’t tell you that she’d gotten a new one working with Butcher on his team. When you’d confronted her about it she’d told you that it wasn’t a big deal, but to you it was. You had spent the past 40 years of Rosemary’s life keeping all the supe shit separate, but now she was diving in head first. You’d had a fight, a bad one, one of the worst the two of you had ever had and you’d spent three days in bed crying to Ben who held you tight and didn’t let you go. When Rosemary had finally showed up three days later, her own eyes red and rimmed with dark circles beneath you knew she was just as upset as you were. And then she told you why she did it.

It wasn’t because of Butcher, it was because of Homelander.

Rosemary was guilty, frustrated with herself because she had been unable to keep Lou safe from him. Rosemary said that she felt like she had been hiding her entire life, turning her back on a piece of herself, and that she needed to do this. She felt like a failure, worthless, and that she needed to embrace who she really was. So you tried to be supportive all the while contemplating if you should follow her on missions to make sure that she was okay.

But that seemed a little obsessive so you held yourself back.

It was going well and honestly, Rosemary seemed happy. Not to mention Butcher liked having her around for medical assistance if there was a problem in the field.

Ben was working for Butcher too, something else you also didn't agree with, but at least now you didn't have to worry about Rosemary as much. You knew that Ben wouldn't let anything happen to her, but you also didn't love that you now had both of them to worry about. Sometimes you thought about working for Butcher too, but after everything that happened with Homelander, Stan, Noir, and your old team, you were happy to immerse yourself in your art again, to dive in to your creativity and let it wash away any of your worries and pain that rose in the aftermath of the everything that had happened five months ago.

You'd told Ben that he didn't have to work, told him that the both of you had more than enough money for a few centuries, but for Ben it was bigger than that. He wanted to work, thought that it was his job to provide for the both of you, his job to take care of you, and you didn’t want to argue with him about that. It was difficult to say no to him, not when he was just as happy as you were, and not when he was giving you everything you said you wanted all those years ago the night you saved Noir. He had given you a home, someone who loves you, and someone to come home to and it was more wonderful than you could have ever imagined. He gave you everything he promised and more.

Sometimes when you were together, he'd get a look on his face like he had no idea how it happened, and you weren't too sure either, but you were so happy that you didn't care. The things you'd daydreamed about all those years ago, of Ben and you living together and being in love dulled in comparison to the real thing. You'd never seen Ben smile as much as you had in the past five months, never seen him so full of life and happiness in all the years you'd known him, and you wanted him to be that way every day for the rest of his life.

And you had never been as inspired to paint as you were now, hence the art show Ben and you were currently attending.

Rosemary, Lou, and Ryan were taking it easy for the evening and you didn’t blame them. Rosemary had just come back from an overnight trip with Butcher's team from somewhere in the South and stated she needed to relax. You’d graciously offered to take Ryan and Lou with you, but she’d waved you off. Said that it was alright and that Ben and you should enjoy yourselves.

You think that working together also helped Ben and Rosemary get more comfortable interacting, but there was still some tension that you hoped would fade in the coming years. It was better than it had been. You were also worried about them working with Butcher's team because of what you'd done to them at Vought, but so far there didn't seem to be a problem. In fact, Rosemary and Annie were becoming friends, which made you happy because Rosemary had friends, but none who she could be one hundred percent honest with about who you were and the powers she had. With Annie, Rosemary didn't have to pretend.

Grace Mallory called every week to check in and keep you updated on Homelander's progress. He was still the same as he had been five months ago, but she was getting a new doctor to come take a look at him, someone who was well versed in memory loss and you hoped he was able to figure it out. Not that you really wanted old Homelander to come back, but because you didn't know where to go from here. You knew that if Homelander ever got out, the first thing he would do was find Compound V, and then come after your family. But it still felt weird to kill someone who didn't remember the things they had done.

Sometimes you wished that it could have been different, but if this was how it always ended up you wouldn't change a thing, because it meant that you might not be here with Ben.

You smile up at Ben, adjusting his dark tie with a steady hand and smoothing out the collar of his black suit. "We've been here for twenty minutes. And it was you that wanted to come to my show."

Ben grins. "Maybe I just wanted to see you all dressed up sweetheart. Have I told you how beautiful you look?"

He had, several times before you left your apartment. Not to mention you'd walked out of the bedroom and into the living room Ben had all but tackled you onto the couch and made the both of you late because you had to redo your makeup.

Your dress was maroon, backless, and had capped sleeves that fell off your shoulders to curve just over your biceps. It was cinched at the waist and fell elegantly to your feet that were encased in a pair of black heels that made you almost tall enough to reach Ben's shoulders. There was a new necklace hanging around your neck, one that Ben had gotten you for your one month anniversary. It was a kite cut emerald about the size of the end of your pinky. You still had the pearl necklace that Noir had stolen from you, but now when you looked at it, you felt sad and didn't remember your father. Not to mention the pearl necklace that Ben gave you as a replacement was still in pieces from the night that you both wanted to forget.

So he'd gotten you this one and you loved it, because it reminded you of Ben's beautiful eyes, the same ones that were focused on you right now, shining in the light of the gallery.

Ben looked better than you did, then again you always thought he did. He was wearing a sharp black suit with a crisp white shirt and a black tie. Every time you looked at him you couldn't believe he was all yours. You wondered if he felt that way whenever he looked at you.

"I can't leave early, it’s my party remember? It would be rude to-"

He leans in again, his hand tightening on your waist. "I'd much rather take you home and congratulate you myself."

Ben doesn't miss the shiver that travels down your spine with his words, eyes shifting to the goosebumps that erupt on your arms. "Come on doll, I could go get the car right now." He purrs pressing a kiss just under your left ear, feeling your resolve begin to waver, which was already hanging by a thread. Ben never needed to do much to persuade you, but you noticed that when it came to you Ben also had a hard time saying no. And you loved how easily you worked him.

“Didn’t you congratulate me before we left?” You murmur kissing along his sharp jaw. “And this morning?” You drag your hands up his chest feeling a low groan vibrate through his rib cage. “And last night?”

“Are you complaining doll?” His eyes glint mischievously, smirk pulling at the end of his lips.

“No. Because I happen to like congratulating you too.”

“Good, because I don’t think I’ll ever stop wanting to congratulate you.” Ben nudges his nose against yours, before fitting his soft lips over your mouth. The subtle scratch of his well trimmed beard tickles against your cheeks as he deepens the kiss, his hand pressed against the small of your back, securing you against his strong body.

It was moments like this that made you want to melt into him, to let him take everything you were, and everything he was and mold them together as one. Ben was everything to you and now that you knew what it was like to have him not be in your life, you were never going to let him go.

"Ben." You smile, gently laying your hand on his cheek, feeling the coarse hairs of his beard scratch against your palms. "Please, just another hour at least."

"Sweetheart-"

You stand up on tip toe, so you can whisper in his ear while holding tight to his right shoulder. "Baby please. One more hour and then you'll have me all to yourself."

"Promise?" Ben murmurs, eyes darkening with your proposition.

"I promise."

Ben smiles pleased, and turns back to survey the crowds chattering about the paintings you had done, his arm wrapped around your waist.

The different sized canvases on the wall were awash with colors. The theme was "Out With the Old and In With the New," inspired by a trip Ben and you had taken to Philadelphia, but also you saw it as a new beginning, a way for the two of you to shake off the shadow of the past and move into the future together. He'd wanted to see how much Philadelphia had changed and you hadn’t been there since your brother’s funeral.

The two of you had spent the week going to places you knew all too well before you became supes. Some of the buildings were still there, while others had vanished into obscurity. Ben's family estate was still just as you remembered it. He was still technically the owner, but you didn't want to make him stay there, not when you knew about the scars that clung to the walls and creeped along the staircases. He had stepped foot inside, the musty smell wafting out through the open doors, the dust swirling in clouds with every unsure step he took. Ben's father had died a few years before Ben went to Russia, and despite all the ways Ben disappointed him, Ben's father still left him everything.

When Ben stood just in the entryway of the mansion you could see the weight settle on his shoulders once more, the weight his father put there and pressed into him. The last time the two of you had been there was when Ben's father died, but you hadn't been able to comfort Ben the way you wanted to then. This time you took him into your arms and pressed his head into your shoulder, trailing your fingers into his hair, and holding him close to you. Ben put it up for sale before the two of you left, and you were more than happy to see it go.

Your family home was still standing, but inhabited by your distant relatives from your brother's side of the family. You hadn't tried to make a connection with them since you vanished forty years ago and didn't want to insert yourself into their lives now. You had everything you needed, you had a family, and you had Ben.

The canvases on the walls were born from what you found remaining in Philadelphia, the city that rose from the one you used to know so well. Each painting was an amalgamation of your memories of the Philadelphia from your youth painted in shades of gray and what replaced it, rose from the canvas in splashes of bold color as if rising from the ashes. It was one of your best shows, and judging by the chatter you had heard and how excited your agent and the curator was you knew that there weren't many canvases left over. Your favorite was hanging from the ceiling in the center of the room, the centerpiece of the entire show.

It was painted from the memory of the day Ben and you sat on the warm soft grass by the pond at Fairmount park. In the painting two people sat on the bank, the boy half turned to stare at the girl with a flower tucked into his jacket pocket and the girl half turned, her face pointed down focusing on a watercolor pad in her lap while her hair fell forward, but the audience could still see her smile and the boy's smirk. They sat in a haze of black and white while the new park swirled out from them in bold colors.

Ben hadn't seen it until you showed up to the gallery a few moments before the show opened. You'd kept it a surprise, only working on it whenever he was working, and his reaction was worth it. As soon as he saw it Ben had stopped dead in his tracks just within the front doors as if he couldn't believe it, his gaze focused on the picture. You'd asked him if he liked it and in response he had grabbed you and kissed you so fiercely in front of your agent and the curator that both of them walked away to give you some privacy. You were still buzzing from that kiss, well, the kiss and what Ben had done to you on the couch before you left your apartment together.

"I'm going to go get a drink." Ben glances in the direction of the bar before looking back at you. "Do you want something?"

"No, I'm okay right now. Thanks though."

He presses a kiss into the top of your head before he vanishes into the crowd. You prepare yourself for the wave of loss you feel whenever Ben leaves. It had only gotten worse after months of spending time together. When he went out of town it was almost unbearable, but he did try his best to keep you posted, by calling you whenever he could. Sometimes you worried that you needed him too much, that he thought you were being too clingy, but every time you tried to consciously pull back it was Ben that always doubled his efforts to be around you, almost as if he was trying to make up for you toning it down. It reassured you that Ben wanted you there and genuinely wanted to spend time with you.

"Y/n!" You hear a familiar voice say and you turn your head to see your friend Levi making his way through the crowd. His dark curly hair hangs over his shoulders in gentle waves and he's wearing a black button down shirt that he's rolled up to his elbows revealing the patchwork of ink covering every square inch of his golden skin. Levi was also an artist that showed at the gallery, which is how the two of you met. Over the years you had each gone to each other's shows and then out to dinner to celebrate. He was a good friend, but you knew he had feelings for you.

You had forgotten that he was going to be here, hadn't thought about it, and hadn't told Ben. An important thing that you should have told him because Levi is the man that you'd almost slept with.

It had almost happened two years ago and you had come to Levi's show, a collection of recycled sculptures that had stunned New York City. The two of you had gone out to dinner as you always did and after, Levi had leaned in to kiss your cheek to say goodbye, but you'd turned at the wrong moment and he'd caught your lips. The both of you had frozen outside the darkened restaurant, the sounds of the city rising around you, his dark brown eyes catching and holding your gaze. You don't know why you did it, maybe because you'd been lonely for so long or maybe because Rosemary had told you that you needed to start trying again, that she was worried about you being alone, so you kissed Levi.

You weren't sure how you ended up back at his apartment in his bed, but you'd stopped him just before you had sex. You told him that you couldn't do that, that you didn't think that you could be what he wanted, and that you were sorry. It had felt wrong to give him hope, only to take all away again. For you to do that had reminded you of the hope Ben had given you when you finally slept with him and how hollow you were when he broke your heart and told you that you meant nothing.

You refused to do that to someone else.

Levi had been confused, but he'd respected you, told you that you didn't have to apologize for anything. Unfortunately since then it had been a little bit awkward, because you knew he still had feelings for you, not to mention he'd seen you naked.

"Levi!" You smile back at him

He pulls you in for a hug, holding on to you for a second longer than he should. "How are you? I haven't seen you around and you didn't come to my show. I was worried."

"Oh I was out of town for a little bit." You wave a hand. "Kinda last minute."

"Oh. Well, I guess you weren't too busy for this." He gestures to the canvases on the walls. "They're gorgeous. I think this is my favorite show of yours."

"You say that after every show."

"And you say that at every one of my shows."

"Because it's true." You roll your eyes at Levi. "Your work gets better with age-"

"I could say the same thing to you." Levi runs a hand through his tangled dark hair. "Come on, you have to tell me the truth."

"What?"

"Were you an art prodigy or something? You can't be much older than me and your work is just insanely mind-altering."

If only he knew.

"Nope. I've just been practicing a long time." You smile to yourself at the inside joke.

"So unfair. I hate you, you know that right." Levi grins.

"Oh please. If anything I should hate you. I've never been good with sculpture."

"I told you that I would be available for lessons anytime."

"I'll think about it."

Levi glances around the room at all the people. "You know, I think they make a bigger deal about your shows than mine."

"Green isn't a good color on you Levi." You snort at him.

He only smiles. "Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?"

You freeze. It was the same thing that Ben had asked you moments ago before Levi showed up. Except when Ben said it you couldn’t help but smile and blush, but when Levi said it, it just was weird. "No. But it's alright." You smile awkwardly.

"Did you-" He clears his throat sensing the shift in conversation. "Did you want to get dinner after your show?"

The two of you hadn't had dinner since the incident two years ago, instead you had gone for coffee, because it felt less intimate and more like something the two of you could do as friends. You didn’t think that you would fall into bed with him if you were fully caffeinated. But it still made you feel bad because you thought you were leading him on, even when you told him exactly what you wanted.

"I know we haven’t in a while, but I miss you." Levi's eyes soften. "I know that what happened was a little awkward, but we can still be friends. Or maybe we can talk this out and you can tell me why you think doing this would be bad.” He gestures between the two of you. “Because we have so much in common and I really like you. And I think you do like me, but you just won't admit it-“

"Levi-" You begin to say, trying to think of a way to let him down easy, again, because he still didn’t seem to understand.

Ben's muscular arm weaves around your waist, pulling your hips back into his where he stands behind you as soon as you begin to answer, the warmth of his body like a shock to your system. He's got a glass of scotch in his free hand and he's staring at Levi with an unreadable expression.

Ben kisses you on the cheek, lingering for a second too long for it to be casual, blatantly marking his territory.

"What did I miss?" Ben says it as if he couldn’t hear the entire conversation from the bar, but you knew he had.

Levi’s eyes widen at Ben’s appearance and flick to you as if looking for an answer. Ben downs the glass in one gulp, placing it on the tray of a waiter who passes by.

“Ben, this is my friend Levi. Levi this is-“

You hesitate for a moment. Calling Ben your boyfriend felt wrong sometimes. Your relationship felt different to just say that he was your boyfriend, it didn’t seem to be enough, not to mention you felt like Ben was a little old to be your boyfriend, just as you felt a little old to be his girlfriend. Calling him your everything felt more appropriate, but it was too intimate for someone to know other than Ben.

“Ben.” Ben says extending his free hand to grasp Levi’s in a death grip, and you see Levi wince sightly when Ben tightens his grip. “Her husband.”

If you’d been drinking something you would have done a spit take right then and there. The word coming out of Ben’s mouth was foreign and so out of the blue the two of you might as well be swimming in the middle of a cobalt colored sea. The two of you hadn't spoken about that at all. It had never come up in conversation, even when the two of you took a walk around Rosemary's block and passed a jewelry store with a display of engagement rings. In fact the only time that you'd mentioned that you wanted to marry someone was the night that Ben almost killed Noir forty years ago and Ben made a joke about the two of you getting married. It had hurt when he did, it felt like he was mocking you, like he thought that it wasn't important.

That night you'd asked Ben if he wanted to marry someone and he said "maybe." You weren't sure if that was because Ben didn't believe in marriage or if he thought it wasn’t necessary, but to you things like that were important. You were old-fashioned and you wanted to marry Ben, you wanted to be his wife, but Ben hadn't proposed or stated that he wanted to marry you.

That could be your insecurity about being too clingy or your insecurity that Ben would pull away from you rising all over again, but you weren't sure if Ben cared about being your husband.

And yes maybe you were expecting a proposal sometime in the future, but it still hadn't happened and a part of you was worried that because it had not happened yet, it never would. Mostly because you couldn't think of what he was waiting for. He'd said that he never wanted to leave you ever again, told you that he wanted to give you everything you wanted, told you that he'd never love anyone else the way that he loved you, and yet there hadn't been talk to marriage. Not to mention you had told him that you loved him and that you'd never leave him and that you couldn't live without him.

Yes, you were living together, sharing a bank account, and spending every waking moment of your lives together, but there had been no discussion about him marrying you.

Which is odd because why did he tell Levi that we were married? Was he just trying to think of something official to make him back off?

Levi's eyes widen with the word "husband" his eyes darting to you in surprise. "I'm sorry, I didn't know that you got married, congratulations." It doesn't sound sincere, but if Ben hears the insincerity, he ignores it.

"Thanks Levi." Ben smiles wider, pulling you tighter against his side. "It's fairly recent. We're still in that Honeymoon Phase, you know how it is." Ben's smile turns more into a smirk. "Kinda hard to leave the apartment if you know what I mean, champ. Could barely get her to this thing."

Your entire face flushes bright red in embarrassment, struck speechless. You knew Ben better than anyone and you knew that he was doing this because he was jealous, but it didn’t make it any less embarrassing or any less Levi's business what Ben and you did in your apartment. Ben also didn't have anything to be jealous about, Levi was nothing compared to him, no one was compared to Ben, not when you were children and not now. You were sure that you'd told him that over and over again.

"Oh-um-" Levi clears his throat awkwardly, his own cheeks the same color of crimson of yours. "Yeah, well-"

"But if you still want to have dinner, I'm sure my wife and I could work out something." Ben smiles enjoying how frazzled Levi is.

You try not to flinch when Ben says the word "wife." "Ben-" You begin, hoping to give Levi a way out.

"Well, I'll have to check my schedule. I've got a show coming up and well-" Levi fumbles. "I'll see you." He turns and vanishes into the crowd of people flocking to your paintings.

Ben chuckles to himself. "He couldn't get out of here fast enough could he?"

You don't answer him. Ben's arm is around your waist, the warmth of his skin diffusing through his suit jacket and your dress into your body, but you don't feel the comfort you did when he first put it around you.

"You didn't have to do that." You say.

"Yes I did. He was trying to come on to my girl and we both know how much I hate sharing sweetheart." Ben replies light heartedly and you can hear the smile in his voice.

"Uh-huh." You look up at him. "So, I'm your wife? Funny I don't remember our wedding."

Ben's smile fades for a minute, clearing his throat. "He wants to fuck you. I was just trying to-"

"He's my friend Ben. We've been friends since I started showing in this gallery."

"He asked you to dinner."

"We've been to dinner before. We sometimes go out after the shows." You reply vaguely.

“You went out with him?” His eyebrows furrow together in confusion.

“No. We had dinner as friends. I recall you and I having dinner as friend a lot.” You say, not about to admit to Ben that you almost slept with Levi. You knew that particular piece of information was unneeded and would only upset him.

“That’s different!” Ben scoffs.

“Why is that different?” You pull back from him, letting his arm fall from your waist as you cross your arms over your chest.

“Because we both already were in love with one another!” Ben says it matter-of-factly as if it's the most obvious answer in the entire world.

"What? That doesn't make it a date!"

Wait, did he think that all those times we went to dinner were dates? Has Ben just been thinking that we were going out all these years? Is he freaking crazy? He doesn't have a right to think that way, not when he was sleeping his way through every major city in America.

"Yes it does."

"So you're telling me all those years that we spent together we were dating? And that you chasing after every woman who crossed your path was you what? Us having an open relationship?"

Ben narrows his eyes. "That's not what I'm saying."

"I mean, it kind of is. You think that just because we loved one another and went out to get food it was a date."

"No. I mean that it's different because you loved me and I loved you!"

"Ben-"

“Did you fuck him?” Ben's jaw locks, anger flashing in his eyes as he changes the subject.

Your mouth drops open in shock. "What? No. I told you that I've never been with anyone else, only you. I wouldn't lie about something like that-"

Does he really think that I would lie about that?

Ben's body stiffens and you see the dots connect inside his mind, green eyes hardening to a solid chunk of unyielding jade. "Is that the guy you almost slept with?" His gaze turns murderous.

"Ben-"

Ben's head swivels to glare at where Levi is standing across the room from the two of you speaking to someone else about his work. You can practically see the gears turning in Ben's head as he thinks of all the ways that he can kill him.

Truthfully you knew that Ben had a tendency to get jealous, had known it since the night Howard and you were dancing together, but you didn’t think that he deserved to be jealous about this.

I thought he was dead. I was trying to move on.. AND I didn’t sleep with him. Not to mention Ben and I weren't together. It's not like I was cheating on him or something.

"Why are you getting so angry? I wasn't cheating on you, we weren't together. And I didn't sleep with him."

"But he fucking touched you." Ben growls, his eyes narrowing at the back of Levi's head and you know that if Ben had laser vision Levi would be dead.

"He touched me two years ago! You're being ridiculous. I didn't go on a murder rampage through New York City whenever you slept with someone. If I did that there wouldn't be anymore women left in the state of New York."

"I am not being ridiculous!" He snaps eyes flashing back to you.

"Okay you've got to calm down."

"Don't tell me to fucking calm down."

"I don't understand why you're getting so angry about something that didn't happen. Not to mention it's me that has the right to be angry!"

"Why?"

"Because this," You wave your hand around the gallery. "Is my job and that," You point at Levi "Is kind of my coworker and you embarrassed me!"

"What? How the fuck did I embarrass you?" Ben was trying to keep his voice down, but you knew that it was becoming difficult for him.

"Well, call me crazy, but I don't want to talk about my sex life with someone else. Not to mention you had no right to lie to him. I get that you get jealous, but what you did was uncalled for."

"What in the actual fuck are you talking about?" His hands are clenched into fists at his sides so tightly that the skin stretched tight over his knuckles is white.

"We aren't married Ben. We live together. Those are two different things."

"It's not that different." Ben's shoulders fall and you see something flash for just a moment in his eyes that looks like disappointment.

Does he really think that living together and being together is the same as being marriage? As making a life-long commitment to someone? I mean I want to be married to him because I want to make that promise to him, want to bind myself to him because he's the only man that I've ever loved and I ever will love. I want to be his wife because I can't see my life without him in it.

"It is to me."

"But-"

"But what?" You scoff.

"Well we-" Ben's eyebrows furrow as he tries to find the right words, but he comes up empty handed.

"The only time that you've ever brought up marriage was when you were drunk off your ass on my couch after Noir, when you brought up Howard and then made a joke about the two of us getting married!"

"I mean, it wasn't completely a joke and I told you that I wasn't that drunk." Ben frowns. "And that doesn’t mean anything!"

"What do you mean it doesn’t mean anything? To me it does. Making that promise to someone, making a vow to them, binding yourself to them and saying those words aloud in front of everyone you love to someone means something to me. And I've told you that. I've told you what I wanted." You look up at him for a moment, before you realize something. It creeps along your skin like the first frost on a window pane. "Wait, are you saying that the idea of marriage doesn't mean anything to you? That you don't want to marry me?"

"Sweetheart wait a minute." Ben reaches out for you, but you take a shaky step back from him.

“What are we doing?”

“Huh?”

“I mean really. What are we doing?" Your voice is barely a whisper, but you know that Ben can hear you. Emotion makes your voice wobble as you stand there and look at him. He looks just as devastatingly handsome as he always does, but something lurks in his eyes that you can't place.

Deep down you had believed that Ben wanted to marry you, but maybe he was just waiting for the right moment, but now you weren't sure. Based on everything he'd said in the last minute you were starting to think that Ben didn't want to marry you.

If marriage doesn't mean anything to him, then does that mean he doesn't want to marry me? And then where is this going? I know that I want to get married and if he doesn't does that mean I'm not his forever?

"What do you mean?" The look on his face shifts into something else, something that looks surprisingly like fear, and to see that on Ben's face was physically jarring.

"If we're not going to get married then why are doing this? Why are we-" You look around the room, suddenly cold. "Ben, why are we together?"

You knew that you loved Ben more than anything and that you wanted to be apart of his life forever, that you wanted Ben to be your always. You wanted to say those words to Ben, to make that vow to love and cherish him for the rest of your life, but he didn't want to make them to you. Suddenly you felt like the stupid little girl that lived in Philadelphia and always did what you were told the one that watched her best friend make out with girls like Missy Callahan and longed to be with him.

"Sweetheart-" Ben says, stepping forward to touch you again, but you pull away from him. "Wait-" The tone of his voice is thick with emotion, gruff, just a rumble.

“I think you should leave." You say it, but your voice sounds hollow and far away.

It was the first time that you’d told him to leave since the night he came back to you, the first time since he came back that you wanted to be alone. You wanted to think this over, because now that you knew how he felt about marriage all you could think of is the possibility of spending years together only to be traded out by a newer model because Ben never wanted to marry you.

The people around you laughing and chatting at each of your paintings all of a sudden seem to be mocking you. Their happiness and joy taunting the warring heartbreak and hurt that swirls in the pit of your stomach. You feel your mind begin to slip into the memory of when you walked out of the bathroom at the night of the premiere, when you wove through the people who were so happy to be there while your heart was breaking. When it felt like your world was ending, and honestly, the feeling that you have now feels almost too similar to ignore.

"No I want to talk about this. I don’t want to leave.”

"I want you to." You lock eyes with him, fighting the urge to cry. "I need some time and I don't think it's a good idea for you to be here right now."

"But-" Ben's eyes haven't left you.

"Please go."

"Sweetheart-“

“No." You say sharply. "I think it would be better if you just went home. You wanted to anyway.” You let out a shaky breath, feeling your heart squeeze in your chest. "And this isn't the place for us to talk about this."

“Not because I didn’t want to be with you. I wanted to go home with you.” He emphasizes and reaches for your hand, but you move it away from him. Ben winces as if it hurts for him to be unable to touch you. Given what he'd confessed to you in the past you knew it was true.

“No I-“ You shake your head, tears burning against your eyes. “I can’t do this.”

“Can’t do what?”

“I can’t be with you if I’m not your forever. If you don't want to marry me. I-” Your eyes lock with his, hurt and heartbreak clamping around your heart in a vice. “So please just go.”

"Let me explain."

"No. I need to be alone."

“Sweetheart-“

“How many times do I have to say it? I want you to leave!”

The people around you turn to look at where Ben and you are standing, hearing your final words ring in the air between the two of you.

Ben freezes, something vulnerable crossing over his face before his expression hardens into the one that was more familiar. “Fine.”

And as he walks away, weaving through the people that stand at every canvas, you try not to feel the pit open up beneath your feet ready to swallow your broken heart whole.

When you get home the apartment is cold and dark, the shadows of your living room lengthening with every step you take towards the dark hallway and what lies beyond. Hurt, sadness, and remorse creep along your skin like a spider, it's spiderweb clinging to your body and ensnaring you like a wiggling fly in it's grasp. There was no warmth, only the cold chill of fear of what you’d find when you entered your shared bedroom.

Ben's cologne was stale, hanging in the air, but it wasn't fresh, just a reminder, and you knew deep down it was because he wasn't here. But somewhere you clung on with bloodied fingertips hoping and praying that he was.

You'd spent the rest of the evening nursing a glass of red wine, fiddling with your necklace, and talking with anyone who came up to you about the paintings, but you lacked the enthusiasm you should have.

Nothing else seemed to matter, not after the fight you'd had with Ben, and standing amongst your creations felt frivolous, especially when everything you said to him rang in your ears.

At the end of the night you'd stood at the centerpiece, looking at the familiar brushstrokes and splashes of color of the picture of Ben and you sitting on the bank of a pond while tears crept along your cheeks.

Your agent had taken your tears as tears of joy, happy that you’d sold out your show, but gazing up at the painting you regretted it's sale. It made you feel like a part of you was being sold, as if the memory you had of that day would go with the painting to it's new owner leaving you with nothing.

You'd realized as the night wore on how stupid you'd been. You wished that you could go back and apologize for everything you said to Ben, because it didn't matter, nothing else mattered to you but Ben. And you hated yourself for telling him to leave, not when you knew how much he hated it when you told him to go and when you knew after all these years he still struggled with the idea that you didn't want him with you, when in reality being without him made you feel as if you were drowning.

And right now in the aftermath of the fight, you could feel the seaweed tangling around your ankle to pull you under.

As you stood there gazing up at the painting you'd realized that maybe Ben really did think the two of you were married and maybe deep down you knew that. That it wasn't about saying those vows in an official ceremony, it was about everything the two of you said to one another every day since he came back, it was about the promises that Ben made and kept, and it was about everything the two of you had been through over the years.

A stupid ceremony and certificate didn't matter to you, not if it stood in the way of Ben and you. You'd graciously take everything he had to give you for the rest of your life, and you knew that Ben felt the same way. You knew that he wasn't going to leave you, wasn't going to cheat on you with someone else, and wasn't going to turn his back on you. Not after everything the two of you had gone through and not when you knew how much Ben loved you.

That was what you wanted to say to him now, because you felt so stupid that you yelled at him. To tell him that none of it mattered, that the only thing that mattered to you was him.

The urge to throw up surges into the back of your throat as you creep down the hallway, but when you open the bedroom door you see that the bed is empty. A cold hands traces it's way down your vertebrae bringing with it the chill of fear that you'd done it, you'd finally made Ben want to leave you, that he was fed up and he was gone for good.

You almost don't make it to the bathroom sink before you throw up the two glasses of wine you drank, the sour taste of bile and alcohol burning your throat as your hands tighten on the cool lip of the marble vanity. Sweat and tears streak down your red face as a shudder works it's way through your body.

You'd hoped that he'd be in bed, the thought was optimistic at best, but you knew that Ben couldn't go to bed without you. Even when you were up late painting Ben would always pull you away to come to bed, because he needed you there, he wanted you beside him as he drifted off, holding you close against his chest and molding his body around yours. When Ben went away for work and was gone for days, he always came back with dark circles under his eyes, and you knew he didn't sleep, because Ben couldn't sleep without you.

You could feel the ghost of his touch against your skin, causing more tears to crest and fall down your cheeks and another shudder shake your body.

You scramble to find your phone where you placed it on the counter beside you. The selfie of the two of you on your home screen pressed cheek to cheek almost mocking before you swipe your thumb frantically to find his contact. You hold it up to your ear listening to the line ring and each time it does, it's like another nail in the coffin, because Ben doesn't answer.

When the voicemail starts you're not really sure what to say.

"Hey it's me-" You clear your throat, but it does little to hide the sob. "I just got home and you're not here and I miss you." Your voice breaks. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said that to you or made a big deal about it, please Ben just come home. I was being stupid and I don't want to live without-"

The message is cut off and you stand there with the phone pressed into your cheek for another minute, unable to put it down. You feel it crunch in your hand as you lose control, crying harder as you stand there in front of your vanity trying desperately not to feel like this is the end and Ben was never coming back.

The shower you take is longer than you intended, because you zone out halfway through and it's only when the water runs cold that you realize you need to get out. It's been over an hour since you got home, almost past one in the morning, but Ben still isn't there.

Instead of putting on one of your shirts you put on a pair of panties and you grab an oversized cotton shirt of Ben's that hangs mid-thigh, inhaling the familiar scent and trying to find some comfort, but all it does is remind you that he's gone and nothing compares to when he's here with you.

When you slide into bed, it's cold, and fear begins to trickle along your skin, fear that Ben was never coming back and the last thing you'd ever say to him was that you couldn't be with him and you wanted him to leave.

Something rough works it's way down your arm in a gentle motion, stirring you from sleep. One look at the alarm clock on your bedside table reveals that it's well past four in the morning. You didn't remember falling asleep all you remembered was crawling into bed and hugging Ben's pillow to your chest wishing that it was him.

You blink your eyes to adjust to the darkness, noticing a dark figure sitting on the edge of your side of the bed staring down at you. Ben's green eyes catch in the light that comes from the cracked bathroom door, flashing dark green in the mist of darkness that shrouds his body from the rest of the light. He's wearing the white button down shirt, but his suit coat and tie are missing. The first few buttons are unbuttoned and his sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, revealing freckled skin. His hand is tracing it's way over your arm, the roughness of his palm against your skin familiar, warm and comforting.

"Ben?" Your voice is hoarse and broken, for a moment unsure if this is a dream and he's not really here.

He doesn't say anything.

"Ben!" You practically shout it this time and surge upwards out of the bed to wrap your arms around his body so tightly that you think you hear the cracking of bone, but you can't control yourself now. Not when he's warm and he's here, not when he came back despite what you yelled at him.

“I shouldn’t have said what I did.” Tears were streaking down your face where it’s buried against the smooth slope his neck, saturating his dress shirt. “ I don’t want to lose you over something stupid like that.” You pull back to cup his cheeks taking in a shaky breath as you lean your forehead against his, memorizing the familiar edges you love so much. Even as close as you were to him you wanted more, you always wanted more. “I love you, only you. More than I’ve ever loved anyone, more than I ever will love anyone. I’m sorry for what I said. I’m sorry that I asked you to leave, I don’t want you to leave ever again. Whenever you’re not here it’s cold and colorless and I don’t want to live my life like that ever.” Your body shakes with sobs as you hold Ben tighter against you, afraid that he’ll vanish before your very eyes. “You and me together is enough for me. It’ll always be enough for me. We don’t have to-“

“It’s not enough for me.” Ben interrupts, his eyes not leaving your face. His expression is unreadable, the soft plains of his face sharpening in the moonlight that seeps through the bottom of the curtains of your shared bedroom.

“What?” You gasp and could feel your heart seize in your chest and your throat tighten in fear.

I can’t lose him, not again, not over a stupid argument that doesn’t mean anything when Ben means everything.

“This.” He clears his throat and gestures between the two of you. “Us being together like this, it’s not enough for me.”

It feels like you'd taken a bullet to the chest again, a sickening jolt back, and a sharp pain that follows as everything you know is stripped away. You're sure that you're about to break down into nothing, your heart crumbling in your hands as you try to hold it out to him and he turns away from you. Him saying those words to you made you feel like you had nothing left, because to know that you had him and lost him hurt more than knowing what it was like not to have him as completely as you had for the past five months.

"Ben please. I'm sorry I-" You sob, trying to cling to him, afraid to let him go, but he pulls away and stands up from the bed. "Don’t go please! Just tell me what I can do to make this right. Tell me how I can fix this." The words sound garbled as they exhale in one breath through tears and snot reaching for him frantically. "Please Ben I can't lose you-"

Ben takes your outstretched hand, gaze focused on your face. "Come on." He tugs gently, expecting you to follow him out of the bed.

"No, I want to talk about this. I don't want you to go!"

"Come on sweetheart." Ben encourages you quietly, tugging your hand once more, and this time you allow him to help you up from the bed.

You follow behind him, sobs shaking your shoulders because you're afraid Ben is taking you out to the living room to yell at you again, to tell you that he doesn't love you and you're going to find a packed bag.

But then Ben squeezes your hand to comfort you as you enter the living room and you stop dead in your tracks.

The entire room is covered in lavender, the kitchen counter, the coffee table in front of the plush leather couch, the large wooden table on the opposite side of the room that serves as your desk/workstation, and on the kitchen island broken up intermittently by candles that cast a soft honeyed light over the room. You gasp softly as Ben releases your hand, looking around the space with awe. You'd never seen so many bouquets of lavender in your entire life, each one sitting in a pretty glass vase, and in the center of the room stands one of your cherry wood colored easels holding the painting of Ben and you sitting on the bank of the pond.

You step closer to the painting, tracing the brush strokes with your eyes as you had earlier that night, reaching out to touch the edge, suddenly confused.

"Ben, what is this?" You turn to look at him, wiping the back of your hand across your face. You were sure that your eyes were puffy and that you were still covered in a layer of tears and snot, but you didn't care. Ben had seen you like this before and you were more worried about what was happening rather than how you looked.

You didn't understand what was happening, not when Ben came home so late and not when you had spent the entire night worried that he wasn't going to come back to you.

Ben is standing by the record player pushed up against the brick wall of your apartment that stands opposite your exhaustive collection of records and drops the needle. The song that begins to play is hauntingly familiar and you recognize it before Russ Columbo starts to sing.

"I can't forget the night I met you, That's all I'm dreaming of..."

It wasn't the first time that Ben and you had listened to this particular record, or danced together in the living room of your apartment in the quiet hours of the evening to "You Call It Madness, But I Call It Love." The song was filled with memories, some good, some bad that the two of you had shared over the years. The words heavy and familiar, the story much too similar to the one you shared with Ben.

A part of you is surprised that he chose to play it. You still didn't quite understand what was happening, you thought that Ben was breaking up with you, but this didn't feel like a ending.

"How did you get the painting? I sold it." You ask him.

"You made a promise to be faithful, By all the stars above…"

The song continues to play bringing memories of each time it did rising with the soft familiar swell of the music. A flash of you dancing for the first time with Ben flits across your mind bringing the usual warmth and happiness followed by the memory of your birthday when you danced together and it felt like no one else existed as if it were just the two of you left in a world where everyone else was gone.

"I know." Ben half-smiles. "I bought it."

"But why?"

"My heart is beating, For you constantly…"

He's still standing by the record player as if he's afraid to get closer to you. "Well, I've never bought any of your work and I wanted to be supportive." Ben shrugs. "And I didn't want someone else to have a piece of us Sweetheart, felt wrong."

"You're all I needed, And so I pleaded, Please come back to me…"

Your breath catches. It was the same thought you'd had when you were standing at the painting at the end of the night wishing that you hadn't sold it, wishing that you kept it for Ben and you.

"Look I-" Ben clears his throat. "I've- fuck- I’ve never had a way with words, you know that." He takes a cautionary step forward towards you as if he's afraid you'll run. "But I'm going to try my best here."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm sorry."

"You made a plaything out of romance, What do you know of love…"

"Ben no, you don't have to apologize for anything." You close the distance between the two of you, taking his hands in yours to wash away any uncertainty Ben has about touching you. "It was me, it was all me and I shouldn't have said what I said and I shouldn’t have made you leave. I hate it when you leave. I-"

"Hey. Let me say this first." Ben's thumb rubs over the back of your hand, his eyes wide and an understanding smile on his face.

"At first, a slight suggestion, That grew to light my mind, Was the eternal question…"

"Okay." Your heart was stuttering in your chest, senses overwhelmed by the lavender that covered the room.

Ben looks down at your hands for a minute. "I'm sorry that I made you cry again. I hate it when you cry, especially when it's my fault. And I'm sorry that I made you think that I didn't want to marry you.” He almost whispers it and takes a deep breath. "When you asked me forty years ago if I wanted to marry anyone the only person that I could ever see myself marrying was you. Spending my life with you, waking up with you every morning, going to bed with you, and showing you how much you mean to me. And the truth is, it's all I've been thinking about since I got back, but I-" He swallows, still not looking up at you. "Fuck. I didn't think you'd say yes. "

"True love is hard to find…"

He wanted to marry me forty years ago?

Your eyes widen. "What? Why would you think that?”

Ben's green eyes flick up to yours for a moment, raising an eyebrow to remind you that he's trying to say something.

"Sorry." You murmur, tightening your hands around his.

"I don't deserve you, I never have. Fuck, it feels like my whole life I've been trying to earn you, but I never seem to come close." He sighs. "I've fucked up so many times and I've hurt people, killed others. I fucked up our friendship and I pushed you away, because I was-” Ben tighten his jaw as if it’s difficult to say the next words, “-Shit-" he murmurs the word under his breath before he continues, "scared to fail you and scared that I couldn't be what you wanted. I thought you deserved someone better, someone good, someone who wasn't such a fuck up like me, someone who you could love you the way that you deserve and I-" Ben swallows and takes another deep breath. "I spent my life chasing away everyone who tried because I hated the thought of you with someone else.”

"And in the day I found you, my love I had to share, I built my dreams around you…"

It hurt you to hear him say those things about himself, hurt you to see him still buckle under the pressure that his father put on his shoulders, and hurt you to see how little he thought of himself. Ben was one of the strongest people you knew, but even then you knew he needed you, and you'd spent your entire life making sure that you were there for him and you weren’t going to stop now.

"Somehow you made me care…"

"And yet every time I'm with you, you've never make it seem like I don't belong there. You don’t make me feel like a fuck up or a disappointment. You don’t turn your back on me or ignore the parts of me I tried to cover up for so long from everyone else. You see me, more than anyone has.” Ben murmurs, the smile on his face breaks something deep down inside of you and you can feel the tears begin to spill all over again. He traces a rough hand along the soft smooth edges of your face. Hands that had done painful over the years but were only gentle to you, hands that held you close, and treated you with love that only you were able to see. "You make me feel loved and I thought that I'd never have that, that I didn’t deserve it, but ever since I was eight years old you've forced yourself into my life and I can't imagine a world without you in it, I don't want to."

"Ben-" Your voice breaks with a sniffle, eyes brimming with fresh tears.

"Shh. I've still got a few more things." Ben smiles, brushing away a tear from your cheek. "You know my old man never gave me any advice that was worth a damn, but your dad did. He said that there's going to be a lot of women I run into and that most men pick from first glance the flashy ones that don’t last, the ones that aren't willing to stay for long, and the ones that care about all the wrong things. Your dad told me that I should pick someone that understands me better than I understand myself, someone who holds me accountable, someone that doesn't put up with any of my bullshit, someone to grow with, someone who loves me even if I believe they shouldn’t, and someone that makes me a better man." He chuckles under his breath. "And I knew exactly who he was talking about the minute he said it, because it's you sweetheart, it's always been you, from the moment you walked into that damn study and lied to my father about where I was."

"My heart is beating, For you constantly…"

The song is in full swing now, but you can barely hear it, all you can hear is Ben's steady heartbeat and yours beating together in tandem. The love you feel for him swelling in your chest with the music and with his words. You want so badly to pull him close and tell him how much you love him, how he's the only one, how he's everything you dreamed of, but you're trying not to interrupt him.

"Eighty years ago I made a mistake, I asked you to leave everything behind and come with me, because I couldn't lose you and because I couldn’t stand to see you with someone else. I didn't ask you to marry me, I didn't tell you how much you meant to me or that I loved you. I was selfish and I took advantage of our friendship. I strung you along all those fucking years, made you wait-"

"You didn’t take advantage of our friendship-“ You begin to say.

"Sweetheart please." He squeezes your hand and continues. "Forty years ago I made another mistake." He closes his eyes as if trying to forget for a moment, before he looks you in the eye once more. "I had everything I wanted for one night and then I fucking lost it. I treated you like you meant nothing to me. I threw you away. I said terrible things to push you away. I hurt you, and I will regret those things for the rest of my life, because it’s not true, you mean everything to me."

"You're all I needed, And so I pleaded, Please come back to me…"

You raise your free hand to his cheek. "I've forgiven you." You whisper and Ben leans into your hand.

"I know. And I don't deserve that, I don’t deserve you, I never have and I don’t think I ever will. You have meant more to me than anyone in my entire life. You are my family and my home. You have stood by me and loved me despite all the terrible shitty things I've done. You have seen me at my worst and you never left. Being your boyfriend isn’t enough for me. You being my girlfriend isn’t enough and frankly, it doesn’t feel like the right word for you not when you mean this much to me and not when you're the only person I need. So I'm asking you," Ben drops down on one knee, making your breath catch in your chest.

"Eighty years too late, to spend the rest of your life with me. Because I've spent the past forty without you and I don't want to spend another second regretting that I didn't do this eighty years ago. I'm asking you to chose me one more time, Sweetheart, and I promise that every day I will chose you every day for as long as I live. You said that you wanted to be my forever, well sweetheart, I can't imagine anything better." Ben swallows and reaches into his coat with his free hand, his right still holding on to yours, for a black suede box. "Will you marry me?"

You stand there for a moment stunned as he opens the box in his hand, gazing up at you like you're the sun as if you shone so brightly that the heavenly hosts bowed to your brilliance and he can't help but worship you. It's the same way that you saw the couple looking at each other the night Ben and you danced for the first time that continues to play in your silent apartment, bathed in the golden glow of candle light.

You gaze at Ben, eyes tracing the familiar face, seeing the old parts of him and the new ones that you'd come to love. You could see the boy you grew up with and the man he became, the same one you knew as a child and the man you fell in love with. The one who always put you first, who cared for you, protected you, and the one you thought you lost years ago.

The ring nestled in the black velvet is everything you imagined it to be. It's perfect, elegant, classic, it's you in every way, and it only proves to you again how well Ben knows you.

You could remember the day that Howard proposed, when all you felt was dread as he dropped to one knee in the dining room in front of your parents and revealed the ugliest piece of jewelry you’d ever seen, when he didn't make a grand gesture, didn’t profess his love to you, and didn’t make you feel special.

But Ben did. He always made you feel special, seen, loved, and appreciated. You refused to live another moment away from him and refused to deprive yourself of this indulgence, of him.

Ben had saved you more times than you could count and the day he took you away from Philadelphia was one of them. Away from a man who didn't love you, who didn't appreciate you, and who didn't think that you were worth more than a trophy to parade around a city.

You smile at the ring, tears glazing your eyes, because after all these years, you were right, Ben knew exactly the ring to get you and he knew exactly what to say to make everything else fade away into the past and have you hopeful for the coming future with him.

"Sweetheart?" Ben murmurs, looking suddenly worried and you realize that you haven’t given him an answer.

You look from the ring to the man you love with your entire being. "Took you long enough Benjamin."

Ben's smile makes you melt from the inside out. “Is that a yes?”

“Of course it’s a yes." You smile, vision blurring as Ben smiles even wider and puts the ring on your finger, before rising up from the ground to capture your lips against his as if he wishes for the two of you to fall in love all over again.

"There isn't anyone else Ben." You murmur against his lips. "There never has been and there never will be. All I want is you and me, forever."

Ben kisses you all over again, his hands holding you so tight against his chest that it’s almost painful, your own tangled in his hair, but you can't stop and you don't want him to either. Not when this was what you wished for, not when this was what you wanted for so long and you thought you'd never had, and not when you'd thought you'd lost him.

"Then I'll give it to you sweetheart." Ben presses his forehead against yours, his eyes shining. "I'll give you forever."

"And you call it madness, Oh but I call it love…"

A/n: I'm not crying... I lied, I am BIG time. Goodness, finishing this series is like saying goodbye to characters that feel like my children. Honestly, I can’t believe that we've finally all made it here, but here it is. There are so many people that I want to thank, too many to name, those who have been here from the beginning and those who came later, people who's constant comments, reblogs, and encouragements made me turn this story from one chapter into a multi-chapter fic. There are just so many wonderful people that I've interacted with on this site that made me want to continue writing and helped me find confidence in how I wrote and this fic is for them.

As always thank you so much for reading! This series will be continued in the form of some one-shots that I am plotting out currently and I have a lot of really cute ideas and some that are more angsty. Let me know if you'd like to be added to the taglist for future fics in this universe. ❤️🥰

Taglist:

@roseblue373 @anundyingfidelity @cheynovak @cassiecasluciluce @muhahaha303

@deans-spinster-witch @kayleighmeister @demodemo909 @fruitfacess @bobbobbobinogs

@bughill126 @simplyfixated @tiredstrangerr @freefallthoughts @onlyangel-444

@lov3vivian @mxltifxnd0m @mayafatimakhan @marvel-mistress @my-obsession-spn

@lifeonawhim @liuope @brynanna @carpenterswife

@xxannyxx

@babyinatrench-coat1 @the-gentle-spirit @valryomen @cassieriddle713 @shaggzthatsnottheworm

@lil-soup @ej13928 @topstory21 @boywivlove

@mrsjenniferwinchester

@vivre-dans-la-nuit @megara0224 @daisy-the-quake @thesilmarillionblog @samanddeaninatrenchcoat

@libby99hb @peachhiz @tinydancer40 @tinystarfishgalaxy

@jvanilly

@libby99hb @lunaticgurly @i-am-typing @52ndstreeet

@anna6307

@pixviee @soldiergrimes @ladysparkles78 @ahoytothestorm

@octoazzy @modiddys-blog @marmie-noir @practicallylivesonline

@impala67stellawinchester

@everlove @dangerousgardenchild

#soldier boy x reader #soldier boy x you #jensen ackles #soldier boy #soldier boy x female reader #jensen ackles soldier boy #soldier boy/ben #the boys amazon #the boys fanfic #soldier boy fanfiction #soldier boy fic

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cece693 · 8 months ago

Note

Hi, it's the anonymous who made the first request posted about Ethan. I'm so glad you did; it was great to read and I hope you don't mind me asking for more. I'm thirsty for this character. Anyway, the request is about Ethan and the male reader in a toxic relationship where the reader is controlling and seemingly abusive, which worries his friends, but in reality this behavior is encouraged by Ethan himself, who simply loves his boyfriend's possessiveness, both of them bringing out the worst in each other. PS: watch the last two Scary Movie films when you can. They're really fun!

My Boy (Ethan Landry x M! Reader)

Thanks for the request :) I will definitely try to watch the new Scream movies when I have a chance. All I know about Ethan (with a Google search and reading his Wiki entry) is that he's a dorky and geeky guy so I used that to base this. Also, I mainly focused on how you're toxic, not including Ethan since I don't know him well. Hope you enjoy it!

Ethan’s friends had been worried for months. They’d noticed the changes—the way Ethan slowly isolated himself, the constant presence of his boyfriend, M/N, who always seemed to hover a bit too closely, and the way Ethan would flash a nervous smile whenever M/N’s arm tightened possessively around his waist. To an outsider, it looked like a classic case of an abusive relationship, the kind where one person held all the power, and the other was too scared to leave. His friends whispered behind his back, exchanged concerned glances when they saw the way Ethan always sought permission with his eyes before speaking or the way M/N’s words always seemed to silence him in public.

But what they didn’t know, what they couldn’t possibly understand, was that this was exactly what Ethan wanted. The boy leaned into it, into the rough words, the tight grip on his arm when M/N pulled him away from anyone who dared get too close. His friends thought those marks on his wrist and neck were signs of something dark, something to be feared. But to Ethan, they were marks of love.

M/N’s fierce jealousy, his need to control every little thing—who Ethan spoke to, where he went, what he wore—was intoxicating. Ethan didn’t want soft love or gentle touches. He wanted to feel owned and consumed. Wanted to feel like he couldn't live without M/N because he was the very air needed to breathe. And M/N gave him that in spades.

The possessiveness wasn’t some accident; it was nurtured between them, a game they played. Ethan loved pushing M/N to his limits, seeing the anger flash in his eyes when someone dared talk to him, only for M/N to later drag him into a heated argument, the tension sizzling between them. Their fights were never just fights; they were foreplay, a dance of anger and passion that neither of them could resist.

Behind closed doors, their dynamic took on a whole different life. Ethan didn’t cower when M/N snapped at him; he smiled, relishing every possessive word. When M/N told him to stop talking to certain people, Ethan’s heart raced, not out of fear but out of exhilaration. He loved how it felt to be controlled, to be told what to do, to be pulled back into M/N’s orbit over and over again.

The world saw a victim in Ethan, but in reality, he was the one fanning the flames, drawing out every possessive instinct in M/N. He loved the danger of it, how far they could push before it burned them both alive. And M/N? He was more than happy to oblige, loving how Ethan craved his jealousy, how he’d provoke M/N just to see that flash of rage, knowing it would end with them entangled in each other, lost in the toxicity of their need.

Ethan’s friends just didn’t get it, and it was exhausting. If only they could mind their own business, Ethan would be a lot happier. As he spotted Tara and Sam heading his way, he groaned internally, already anticipating yet another "concerned" conversation. He briefly considered making a run for it, but they were too quick, closing in and cornering him before he could escape.

“Ethan,” Tara’s voice was firm, low, and filled with that frustratingly familiar sense of urgency. “We need to talk. It's about M/N.”

Ethan immediately tensed, his jaw tightening. Of course, it was about M/N. It was always about M/N. He narrowed his eyes at Tara, shifting his weight like a boxer getting ready for a fight. “There’s nothing to talk about, Tara,” he replied sharply, his voice cold. “I’m fine. We’re fine.”

“No, you’re not,” Sam cut in, stepping closer, her expression a mix of frustration and concern. “We’ve been watching this for months, Ethan. He’s controlling you. You don’t hang out with us anymore, you barely text—hell, you hardly even smile these days. It’s like he’s cut you off from everyone who actually cares about you.”

Ethan’s heart raced with growing anger, his fists clenching at his sides. “I’m not cut off from anyone!” His voice came out sharper than he intended, his body rigid with tension. “I’m just busy. You guys wouldn’t understand.”

“Busy?” Tara’s disbelief was evident, her eyes wide as she stepped closer, not letting him wiggle out of the conversation. “Ethan, we’ve seen the way he treats you! You flinch when he’s around. You’re constantly looking over your shoulder, like you’re waiting for him to snap. That’s not normal. That’s not healthy.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” he shot back, his voice edged with frustration. “You don’t know him. He’s not what you think.”

Sam stepped forward, her tone soft but firm, like she was speaking to a child. “Ethan, listen to me. He’s not good for you. There are other guys—better guys—who’d treat you right. You don’t have to put up with this.”

“I don’t need your help!” Ethan snapped, cutting her off. His voice rose with every word, anger flashing in his eyes. He stepped back, trying to create distance, his frustration boiling over. “You want me to leave him, but I love him. Why can't anyone seem to get that?!”

Tara’s eyes softened as if she could somehow break through his anger. “Ethan, we care about you. We’re only trying to help. I’ve even got someone in mind—he’s sweet, kind, nothing like M/N. You don’t have to settle just because M/N is your first boyfriend. There are people out there who would actually treat you well.”

Ethan’s eyes widened, a flash of offense crossing his face. His lips curled into a bitter, humorless smile as he shook his head in disbelief. “Wow,” he muttered, looking down briefly before fixing Tara with a sharp glare. “I can’t believe you just managed to insult me and overstep every boundary I’ve got in one sentence.”

“That’s not what I—”

“No, I get it,” Ethan cut her off, his voice icy. “You think I’m some pathetic loser who can’t handle his own relationship, that I’m just clinging to M/N because I’m desperate. But you’re wrong. You don’t understand us at all. He’s not controlling me—I want this. I want him. You think he’s bad for me? You don’t know him like I do.”

“Ethan, you’re not seeing clearly,” Sam tried to interject, her voice pleading now. “He’s manipulating you, making you think this is love—.”

“Stop!” Ethan screamed, his fists trembling as he glared at them both. “You have no right to interfere in my life like this. M/N isn’t the problem, you are. You can’t stand that I’m not the same person I was before, that I’m happy in a way you’ll never understand. I don’t need saving—I’m exactly where I want to be.”

Tara’s face fell, her shoulders sagging as the hope of reaching him began to fade. “Ethan…”

“No,” Ethan growled. “I don’t want to hear it. Not again. Stay out of my relationship. If you can’t respect that, maybe we’re not meant to be friends.”

Without another word, Ethan turned on his heel and stormed off, leaving Tara and Sam standing in stunned silence, their concern now tinged with a deep, helpless sadness. To them, Ethan’s anger and defensiveness were just more proof of how deeply M/N had his claws in him, manipulating him into believing that this toxic love was all he deserved. But to Ethan, it wasn’t manipulation at all. It was passion, fierce and raw, the kind of love that consumed you whole—and he wouldn’t trade it for anything. He swore he'll fucking kill anyone who tried to step in between you and him.

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royalarchivist · 1 year ago

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CDawgVA: Did you envision back in the day when you were raiding Club Penguin icebergs that you would be here making advancements in language translation for streamers?

Quackity: Umm... You know what? It's really interesting because I was born and raised in Mexico, so growing up, I always thought of a world where someone who speaks Spanish but doesn't speak English could collaborate with a creator regardless of the language. So, it always was in my mind, and to see it come to fruition and see it happening and being able to meet all these talented, talented and incredible people that I now call close friends from around the world? That's- that' a blessing, and I'm so happy, I'm so thrilled.

[ Full Transcript ↓ ]

CDawgVA: Hello and welcome back! I'm joined by Quackity. How you doing, man?

Quackity: I'm doing great, man! This is amazing, I'm so excited for today.

CDawgVA: The energy is palpable. It's not often the streamers get to go outside.

Quackity: That's true.

CDawgVA: However, you have been responsible for joining many streamers together with your QSMP, and not just streamers of the same language– streamers of all different kinds of language, and very recently, you added Korean!

Quackity: Yeah, that's right! We added a Korean creator, we're planning to add more, but this is an absolute– this is crazy, and to see all the nominations being like, all these creators, it's amazing! It's truly a wonderful thing to see.

CDawgVA: And you're nominated for three awards, if I'm not mistaken. Best Minecraft, is right, and best International Streamer, and Streamer of the Year. Are you excited? How do you feel like your odds are?

Quackity: To me, it doesn't matter. I'm nominated with like, all my friends, so I think we're all winning! We all get to celebrate together, whoever wins, so that's like, wonderful. I'm here for the show, I'm here for my friends, and that's the most important part to me.

CDawgVA: Yeah. As a content creator myself who's been living in different countries, and trying to integrate multiple languages, what are some of the challenges you've had trying to work with multiple languages and specifically, mainly Spanish and English for your audience, but trying to bring all these languages together? What's the biggest challenge you've been facing?

Quackity: Oh, well, I think the thing we look at the most is to make sure that all creators are very comfortable with it, right? It can be overwhelming, especially if they might not understand each other, you know, if we're using the real time translator that we have, we got to make sure that they're in a setting that the creators are comfortable with. That's the biggest thing, that's our biggest concern with all the time, and that's what we look forward to, like– making sure all the creators are feeling good!

CDawgVA: Did you envision back in the day when you were raiding Club Penguin icebergs that you would be here making advancements in language translation for streamers?

Quackity: Umm... You know what? It's really interesting because I was born and raised in Mexico, so growing up, I always thought of a world where, you know, someone who speaks Spanish but doesn't speak English could collaborate with a creator regardless of the language. So, it always was in my mind, and to see it come to fruition and see it happening and being able to meet all these talented, talented and incredible people that I now call close friends from around the world? That's- that' a blessing, and I'm so happy, I'm so thrilled.

CDawgVA: It is fantastic seeing all the advancements you guys are making, and just seeing that you bring streamers together! And I know the QSMP specifically has many events going on concurrently. Is there an event that you held last year that you were just really stoked about?

Quackity: Oh my gosh. Well, we host server-wide events for all the creators and everything just to give, you know, the creators a base where they can create content and all. The most recent one does sound funny, but it was called "QSMP Prison".

CDawgVA: Kai (?) did something like that actually.

Quackity: Right, but he did that in real life– no, we did it in Minecraft. But it was fun, it was cool to see all the creators, you know, all different languages kind of like in an enclosed space speaking to each other. It was a really cool thing.

CDawgVA: It's absolutely fantastic seeing what you're doing and I hope you have a great Stream Awards. It's an absolute pleasure getting to meet you, man. Enjoy the Stream Awards, I really appreciate it, man!

Quackity: Thank you so much!

CDawgVA: Keep doing what you're doing.

Quackity: Thank you!

CDawgVA: Thank you, thank you. Alright, I'm going to be throwing it back to another interview. So, see you guys then. Bye!

#Quackity #CDawgVA #Streamer Awards 2024 #The Streamer Awards 2024 #Streamer Awards #The Streamer Awards #QSMP #February 17 2024

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storkmuffin · 14 days ago

Text

Yunho's Way of the Live #6 (Ekangmo)

The Yeosang Influence (Part 2/3- You can find part one here.)

*this is my usual rpf that i'm making up based on available materials written in the form of a tumblr essay/blogpost. pls be advised that if you disagree with something i say, you are right and i am wrong. enjoy.

Where we began

So Yunho had this coquette side since he was a little (very tall) thing but (see part 1 and his whole ang-dae-yeooo baby voice) but unlike Yeosang, Geisha Coquetry was not always his initial impulse. Take for example this early interview, where in response to a question that must've been along the lines of, Do you think I can tell my parents about my stanning Ateez? from an Atiny evidently young enough to need to care about that (Why do people romanticize being young by the way? Extreme youth sucks ass. Being a grown up is incomparably better.), he gives a very ambiguous, smart ass, mean-oppa sort of answer, using something very close to his Real Yunho Voice (tm - See discussion here)

youtube

Yunho: Would Mother and Father like our Ateez Oppa? The ones who always flip their eyes like this and go Auugh? Would they like them??

The date on this video is July 2, 2021, which means the actual response was given sometime earlier than that. I mean, this is a great answer, but it walks that line between negging the asker in a tantalizing way (Why, little girl who will be upset I call you a little girl, do you give a shit what Mommy and Daddy want you to listen to? ), and a smart-ass boy being a smart-ass in a not quite appropriate setting. It also fits the rougher image that Ateez has always had. I know International Atiny get very frustrated by the limitations placed on Ateez by the mores of Korean audiences, but from where I am sitting these people seem pretty free to run about as wild as Idols are allowed to be and still be Kpop Idol.

The thing is, unlike Wooyoung's flirty banter with his Youngbuin that went viral enough to catch my eye in my previously Kpop-free algorithm, if this footage of Yunho being a smartass was the first clip I'd seen of any of the Ateez members? It would have turned me off of Ateez. I do not find boys who get sarcastic enticing enough to pursue down a Youtube rabbit hole, even if they look like Yunho.

Showing You, Yes, You, Especially You, A Good Time

A comment that both K-Atiny and the commentary editrixes at KQ keep repeating, almost like a slogan, is 그래, 니들이 즐거우면 됬다. Which in translation is something like, Well, all right, I guess, as long as you guys are happy/ enjoying yourselves, that's enough. In the case of the employees at KQ who have to make the content, this often applies to when the members stop engaging with the camera (and the viewer) to instead break out into fits of giggles at some inside joke they never explain. From the K-Atiny, this phrase is applied to when a government pairing (ooh look at me use new vocabulary!) gets too into BL Fanservice on stage or in (often deceptively, it must be added) edited content to an extent that the fan feels left out, or in the worst instances, turned off altogether. It's a lament, when a fan says it, because if she was happy with what she was given, she could just take the thrills and apply it to her IRL boyfriend or her vibrator or whoever. Having to say, I'm happy for you means, in actuality, The rules of fandom engagement dictate that I can't actually complain but this content makes me feel alienated.

And one pair, that does function as a team but isn't encouraging you to ship them, Ekangmo, Yeosang and Yunho, are excellent at never ever forcing the K-Atiny to have to feel that 그래, 니들이 즐거우면 됬다 (I'm happy if you two are happy) type of resigned acceptance. They are working as a team to make us happy, rather than each other. The very consistent audience orientation, which is I think a discipline that Yeosang is actually really great at practicing because it just comes naturally to him (whereas Yunho has to be deliberate about it), is just so fizzy and fine.

WHERE IS THE EKANGMO UNIT SONG?

But until then, we have these joint lives of Yeosang and Yunho. (I'm not going to liveblog these, but only discuss the highlights. I don't think. )

Initially, Yunho Tried Out a Protector of Yeosang Type Persona

First up, because I picked it, is this one, where at 1:57 Atiny ask Yunho what Yeosang is doing, and Yunho calls him over.

youtube

Did you ffw'd to where I said? Because you hear Yunho using his real voice to call for Yeosang, and Yeosang also answer in his real voice and cadence. Yunho's voice is much lower and deeper than his 'for-showbiz' voice, whereas Yeosang's is much more sing-song and lighter than his Please I'm a Doberman Please voice.

And of course, on brand, on theme, par for the course, for the two of them address nakedness. The chat starts with Atiny asking why Yunho's shirt is all ripped up, and he answers by saying that he's trying to meet a certain level of skin exposure in tiny cumulative bits. Then he asks Yeosang if he's naked, and Yeosang replies that he's going to put something on in his singsong voice, which Yunho reaffirms.

Yunho, ever business minded, wants the pairing to have a slogan as well as a pairing name, and he solicits the Atiny to come up with something. Because their totemic mascot animals are both canine, there's a lot of barking and dog related puns in response, which Yunho disapproves of quite sternly. At 4:30, Yunho readjusts his glasses in a disappointed manner to ask, rhetorically, "You call that a slogan, everyone?" (Mean oppa could clearly have been his persona, but that wouldn't sell, you see.) Yeosang has the correct Geisha response - he evidently doesn't like the suggestions either, but he says, in his very dulcet voice (at 5:05) that "It's not necessary to come up with or finalize something right this minute. It would be nice to have something that's novel and unique feeling though." Yunho, Mean Oppa, picks the one that is based on an Ateez lyric, deciding for everyone, because he doesn't think anyone can come up with a novel and unique one that would pass muster. Because he's a mean oppa.

Yeosang, being the chakhae oppa, agrees. He wants there to be peace. They say the slogan together, which is very dorky, by the way (5:40 - 5:49). Yunho is many things but he's not actually cool, alas.

They ask the (very kind) Atiny (who are also paying to see this) what they think, and they get a very polite version of Y'all are Dorks, which is "It's cute." For different reasons, Yeosang and Yunho both object: Yeosang is for a variety of reasons sick of being called cute, and Yunho knows what they really meant to say. Then Yunho goes into mean oppa mode to Yeosang (at 6:00)- when Yeosang says what they were going for was something cool, he tells Yeosang that declaring yourself cool is what makes it cute (diminutive). Yoesang goes, Oh is that so? while Yunho laughs.

At this stage, Yunho is reactive to Yeosang as much as he is in sync and tuning himself to Yeosang. He keeps breaking out of Geisha mode to be disapproving, or sarcastic, or sharp. At 7:18, for example, they engage in a discussion about how it is that Yeosang ends his fanchats, because Yunho is very invested in the correct way to run his own fanchats. Yeosang loves being asked questions by someone who is actually going to let him answer and listen, so he gives a pretty detailed answer, but then the Yeodoongie that followed him into Yunho's chat start to tease him, gently.

And something interesting happens. At 7:44, Yunho reads some of the chatter and goes, "Wait, why are you making fun of our Yeosang? What is this? Are you playing Who Can Tease Yeosang The Most? Who? Who is teasing our Yoesang??" He drops out of 존댓말 into informal speech, defending Yeosang, because everyone must be very gentle to Yeosang (despite Yeosang being kind of savage whenever he feels like it tbh).

At 9:30, we go back to the Ekangmo perennial topic of nudity. (This is not the only reason I want the unit song and video. I swear.) Because their food had been delivered (as announced by the manager that lives with them) they were trying to wrap up, so Yunho was promising to do more of these joint fanchats - "We promise that if one of us calls the other one will come running over." Yeosang agrees, but then Yeosang says the phrase 팬티 바람으로 달려 올뻔 하다가 about this time - "I almost ran over here in nothing but my panties" - and Yunho laughs at his word choice, then he says " 서로 팬티 바람이어 가지고 조심해야 해. 어쩔수 없어." - we're constantly in nothing but panties so we have no choice but to be careful - which makes Yeosang laugh.

Korean language note: As with most other languages, there's a bazillion ways to describe being in just your underpants, as well as words that describe men's, women's, and other different types of underpants. These two guys - aged what, 25 in 2024, one very muscular, the other one very tall, using the word "panty" to describe their constant state of deshabille is a deliberate CHOICE.

Yeosang then "innocently" kicks it up a notch to say that the manager hyung is also in constant states of undress, (in just his panties) which makes Yunho give him a LOOK. Yunho tries to bring things to some sort of order, so he gives an explanation that they both turn on fanchat/livechat as their last to-do item of the day before washing up and going to bed, which is why they are in just their panties whenever they do a live. It's not that they are constantly in just their underwear in their dorm.

Yeosang doesn't concur, which makes Yunho give him a look. "That's wrong?" he asks. Yeosang laughs, then says, he dresses properly always. Yup. Suure.

Then, within a month, Yunho began imitating Yeosang outright. (to be continued in part 3. Or 7. Whatever the number should be)/

#Why can I never be concise?#Inevitably there's another one because this got so long #ekangmo #yeosang #yeosang meta #yunho #yunho meta #ateez #ateez meta #kpop meta #kang yeosang #jeong yunho

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uva124 · 1 year ago

Text

So yeah, I finished the drawing of Asha's redesign from Wish :D, maybe I'll make some changes in the future, but I'm happy to have finished it, it should be noted that I haven't seen the movie. , so I can't give my opinion on it yet, but I found it very interesting that their fandom is mainly made up of people who rewrote or made their own version of the movie, they are all very creative and it got me out of an artistic block. that I had a few months ago, but above all I found the rewriting of @annymation which is the one I have been most hooked on, so I wanted to do some redesigns of the characters coming out of its rewriting, that's why everything that has to do with the story of this version of Asha, as well as her personality and her world on which I base my drawing are the ideas and work of this account: @annymation

I'm just making a drawing of her character and how I would design her as well as sharing part of the process I had to do to draw her because, why not?

BOARD:

The first thing I had to do was put together a table full of references that reminded me of the character and things that I would like to add to her design, so I used milanote to do it:

-Looked for some Asha's concept art and save the ones I liked the most, and add the main colors that I used in the design. -I also created notes to write down the personality of the character and some of his data to have a better guide, I did a little research and found publications that talked a lot about Asha's discarded designs and how Disney workers had put that she had tribe ancestry Amazigh on his mother's side and since his father was from the Iberian Peninsula, that's why the next thing I wanted to do is research more about their culture. -I am not an expert on this topic, nor do I belong to the cultures from which Asha has ancestry, so you can comment on any correction regarding this topic, I wanted to implement details of this culture to her design and I would really like to give a correct representation :)

HAIRSTYLE

Continuing with the theme, I saw that the hairstyles in the Amazigh culture mostly had this type of colorful decorations on their braids and dreadlocks, that's why I also posted these reference photos for Asha's hairstyle.

-Finally I decided that Asha would not have all her hair full of braids or dreadlocks, but only a few accompanied by these decorations with a great variation of colors, although it was fun to sketch the many hairstyle options that I had in mind based on these concept art and other photos that I had saved

TATTOOS:

-Another detail that I liked was giving Asha some tattoos with designs from the Amazigh culture, because I saw that it was quite common for women to get them, the tattoo on her forehead is a symbol of protection against bad influences, that's why the The middle symbol is responsible for deflecting it in the 4 directions, I also added a similar one in Asha's right hand.

ASTROLOGY AND THE SPACE:

-An important part of Asha's rewrite is her knowledge of astronomy inherited from her father, especially with the stars for obvious reasons xd, so in addition to adding constellations to her dresses, research the meaning (or something like that) of the planets. Only 3 really reminded me of the character, which were: -Mars: Symbolization of the internal conquering function of moving forward, independent, self-determined, enduring failures with new energy, courage and energy to fight for your desires. -Saturn: Maturity, effort to solidly build realistic criteria, frustrations are transformed into objectives to continue growing, critical and realistic, far from getting frustrated when an objective does not work, you strive to move forward and obtain even more resistant and solid achievements, perseverance , and tenacity (I feel like yhis it the most similar to Asha :D) -Moon: protective role, feeling very vulnerable outside your known areas, feeling of security with your ties, importance of family ties. The one that reminded me the most of Asha was Saturn, that's why I drew those Saturn-shaped earrings :).

SUITS:

I looked for references and placed some on milanote, I noticed that the concept art was mainly divided into whether the dresses have lilac colors or warm colors, I decided to draw 2 models based on the discarded designs, although at first I thought of using only one color palette lilac and bluish, I realized that the reddish colors of her dress reminded me of Mars which has certain meanings that in my opinion coincide with Asha's personality. In the end I didn't decide what wardrobe she would primarily have 😅, but I like to think that in this version of Wish, Asha would have wardrobe and hairstyle changes like in some older Disney movies.

-These are some of the concepts that I mainly used for my version of the dresses

FINAL COMMENTS:

I am satisfied with the result, it was fun to make all this, although what I researched mostly seems little, it actually cost me several hours and I did it at night, so as a funny fact the next day I was explaining all this information to my mother and I felt like I looked like that:

(Make this drawing was so funny LMAO)

(Apologies if there are errors in my writing, English is not my first language and my writing is very basic)

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simply-simplid · 2 months ago

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Love PMF!! Is my current fav fic! Im always so happy when I see there's an update, like seriously i'm obsessed with this story

And well I was wondering, because i saw somewhere that your Jackie has some level of autism ? (correct me if i'm wrong), so if so, could you give us some traits that you put in her characterization. I would like to understand her more.

Btw, the part in the recent chapter when she said that she is "wired wrong" devastated me, no one should feel that way

Tysm!! I’m so glad you like it!!

Yeah so here’s my perception of Jackie’s characterization and how I write her (this will almost certainly be a long post but hopefully I can contain myself)

Not to get too personal here but I feel like it's worth noting that a lot of my characterization of Jackie's relationship with others comes from some issues of my own that I faced growing up- there's glimpses of her in the show that really spoke to me and felt familiar, and because we got so little of her context, drawing from my own experiences is kind of what pushed the first bit of my characterization of her. After that first push it was mostly just an exploration of her psychology and expanding on the bits we've already gotten of her.

Jackie Origins:

Jackie is the only child of her family unit.

Her parents are the picture of a stereotypical suburban upperclass family. They attend church, drink wine, are country club members. To them, status and appearance is everything. You are how you're perceived, and that's something that is instilled into Jackie from the beginning.

I also think that they had trouble conceiving. Maybe they'd tried several times, miscarriages or just general difficulty to conceive in the first place, and it nearly destroyed their marriage. I think this is something that Mrs. Taylor in particular struggled with. She was meant to be the perfect wife, the perfect mother- she's a woman- if she can't bring a child into this world, what good is she? I think that intense pressure of her own internalized misogyny developed into an even more obsessive need for everything to be perfect when she finally gave birth to Jackie. This was it. This was their one shot. Everything they'd worked for and all the hopes and dreams they'd built up? They all fell onto this one kid. Better not screw it up.

The marriage was never a strong one. It was a relationship built on superficial grounds. Status. Image. Mr. Taylor was the breadwinner as a man should be. Working in something where his ego could easily be stroked- sales of some kind probably. Maybe advertising. Something where he knew how to work people, how to work a room. His charisma and the way girls swooned for him are what drew Mrs. Taylor to him. She was beautiful of course. Maybe she was dating someone else at this firm, but Mr. Taylor had the charm to be the big man in the room, and she knew how to get his attention too.

So really it was never about love with them. It was more about what they got out of it. Adulation and envy, the perfect couple, lifting one another up, doting on each other, lighting up a room, throwing the best parties, always elegant and gracious and charming and delightful. Mrs. Taylor made the men jealous of Mr. Taylor. She could butter people up so he could swoop in for the kill. I think the beginning of their relationship was more based on how thrilling it was for them to work off of each other, how they could twist any conversation their way, warp any perception to how it fit them best. It was power and status and that's what they both wanted really.

But a relationship built off of superficiality is bound to crack eventually. They couldn't be perfect all the time, so the built up resentment and animosity would linger cold and damning when they were alone in the house. The house that Jackie was born into. This was her world. A dizzying display of extravagance and perfection and joy and praise, only to return to a home of quiet rooms and scornful looks, tension that went unacknowledged, misery that went ignored.

It would be overwhelming for any child to deal with. But Jackie thought that it was normal, and she was the messed up one for having trouble making sense of it all.

Jackie's Childhood

Jackie Taylor was always a very sensitive kid. Sensitive is the word that was used because it was friendly enough on the surface but sharp just beneath. A throw away word that could be excused as a charming little description instead of a damning jab.

She figured out early on that she acted "wrong". That the things she let bother her didn't bother "proper" children. Normal children.

Fourth of July was her least favorite holiday. She dreaded it so badly that she would often get sick in the week leading up to it, her arms breaking out into hives that disgusted Mrs. Taylor.

She'd once dragged Jackie to an epidemiologist, declaring that a woman at her country club had claimed he was the best and could get rid of this irksome little problem of Jackie's. He empathetically told her mother that the treatment she was looking for couldn't ethically be given to someone of Jackie's age.

Her mother disparaged the doctor's name to anyone who would listen and Jackie learned how to hide her hives.

It wasn't the holiday itself that really bothered her. Sure, she wasn't a huge fan of the country club. There wasn't much there for her and the other kids didn't get her. But she could be good for a little while and smile and twirl like her parents wanted. Eat from the plate her mother made for her, knowing which parts of the plated meal were actually just for show- not meant for eating. Don't be gluttonous.

The true issue with the holiday was the fireworks. Jackie hated the fireworks. They were loud and sudden and bright and they scared her so badly that she would shriek loud enough to be heard over them, crying so hard the blood vessels under her eyes would burst, running inside to escape the thunder in her ears.

The fourth of July is the first time that Jackie vividly remembers being struck by her mother. The Taylors were not a family of physical punishment. Words were always more effective. Words changed behavior better. Words lingered and stuck and lasted far longer than a bruise ever could. But Mrs. Taylor was overcome with frustration and confusion. Jackie was in the bathroom of the country club, rocking back and forth, hands covering her ears tightly, broken little whimpers and moans spilling out of her.

"It came at me! It wanted to bite me!" she would cry. The fireworks, as it was explained to her, was just sparkles, fire in the sky that burned before they touched the ground. But Jackie saw some of the little sparkles that fell all the way to the grass. She was convinced that they would come for her, fire lunging towards her like a snake.

Mrs. Taylor was fuming. She couldn't get a handle on this, couldn't fathom why she couldn't get control over Jackie. This was her daughter. She brought her into this world. Carried her in her womb for nine months. Built up a world for her to shine in. A prized embodiment of all of her virtues. And she couldn't get her to stop fucking rocking.

She tried pulling Jackie's hands away from her ears roughly, but her fingers only latched onto her upper arms them, digging harsh crescents in that would leave marks. Mrs. Taylor roared. She was not about to have to explain to the people out there that her daughter was so deranged she clawed marks into herself. She grabbed Jackie's wrists and held them so tightly they ached, and the pain of it pulled Jackie back a little bit. But she wouldn't stop babbling. Wouldn't stop sobbing. She had all this nasty snot dripping down her face. Obscene. Indecent. Improper. And still not listening. Still uncontrolled.

The slap came fast and echoed across the pristine bathroom walls. It stunned Jackie into silence then. Mrs. Taylor's own hand hovered in the air, red and shaking a little from the sting of the impact, surprised herself by the action. But she recovered quickly, and before Jackie could start crying about that quickly shot off her demands. Jackie would sit here until she could get a grip of herself, think about what an embarrassment she had been tonight, making a fool out of them and forcing her father who works tirelessly for her to try and make up an excuse for her behavior. When she could walk out of there looking halfway decent, they would leave.

Then Jackie was alone in the bathroom. She's done as she'd been told. She was always so good at that. And getting away from the sounds of the fireworks was motivation enough.

The next year, one of the nicer members of the country club came up to Jackie and offered her some little earbud inserts to help block the noise. After she'd walked away, Jackie's mom took them and threw them in the trash. Her daughter isn't handicapped.

Jackie wore longsleeves for the fourth of july until she was 12.

There would always be other triggers for her. Things that bothered her that weren't supposed to. Loud noises. Sudden movements. Fluorescent light buzzing. Tags in shirts. Wet grass against her ankles- felt too itchy- bugs scratching her.

She learned that she couldn't really stop herself from getting upset over these things, but she could pretend to be fine, dig her fingernails into her palms and bite on the inside of her cheek until she tasted iron.

Jackie and Shauna:

Shauna being a part of her life changed everything

Jackie had trouble with friends. Like real friends. Not her parents' friends' kids who would be sequestered away into a sterile room with her while the adults drank wine and gossiped.

No. Real friends. People who wanted to be around her and she wanted to be around them.

Her mother had taught her all the tricks to help. How to smile just enough but not too much. The polite kind of conversation to endear a person. How to be friendly but not desperate. Conversational but not annoying.

She just... Had trouble with it... Even when she could sit still- which was very hard. Even when she could bite her tongue- also very hard. Even when she could act polite and proper and quiet and pretty- she still found it hard to connect with others. Other kids weren't at the same level as her. They talked about bugs and toys- things she wasn't supposed to talk about- so she couldn't make conversation. When people told her that her dress was pretty, she knew just how to play along, but that never turned into an actual conversation like it would when her mom received compliments.

Jackie couldn't figure it out. They want to talk to me but they don't want to talk about me. But I can't talk about the things they want to talk about. But they walk away when we don't talk.

There was also all these secret rules. Hidden lines she couldn't cross that she always had trouble seeing. Her parents always got frustrated about her inability to perceive these rules. Could everyone else really see them?

So a lot of her early existence felt mostly like she was teetering on the edge of something, unsure where the edge was exactly, how far the drop was, the consequences of losing her balance. A pretty little gymnast walking on a balance beam. Maybe her uniform was sparkly.

But then there was Shauna. Shauna who wasn't like the other kids. Shauna who wasn't loud or excitable, who didn't dip from topic to topic before Jackie could get excited about the first. Shauna was quiet. She sat in the back of the class, reading a book- a book too advanced for Jackie. Smart. She's smart. That's so cool.

She had these crazy eyes too. Like a puppy but better. Warm and soulful and deep- like she knew the secrets of the universe, like she could see things no one else could. Maybe she could show Jackie. Maybe Shauna was smart enough to make the world make sense to her.

Jackie liked a lot of things about Shauna. She liked how good she was at dodgeball. She liked how observant she was about some things Jackie would miss. She liked how she would roll her eyes at jokes that Jackie didn't actually think were funny but felt compelled to giggle at anyway. Shauna didn't need to giggle. She was smarter than the other kids and didn't need to stoop to their level. Impressive. Cool. Effortless.

What she really liked about Shauna, was that she could just exist around her. She didn't have to pretend so much. She didn't have to fake a smile or laugh- she could just do it. She didn't have to act all perfect in the safety of Shauna's room. She could sit- lounge even- not worried about posture or if her legs were crossed. She could have fun with Shauna. Be a kid with Shauna. She liked how she felt with Shauna, like she could breathe for the first time in her life.

That's not to say it was perfect. Shauna was complex. She had all these secret rules and hidden lines about her as well. It wasn't always clear when Jackie had broken one of the rules either. Sometimes they would be happy and fine and great, and then the next thing Jackie knew, Shauna was angry again. It got a little better as they got older, except it was more so that they both were better about managing their expectations of it.

Shauna got better at burying things, letting them sit and stew and build up. Jackie got better about shrugging it off when it inevitably burst out like a volcano. She learned how to roll with the lava and move right along, pretend like nothing happened, pretend like everything was fine. So nothing would ever really get fixed that way.

So no. It wasn't perfect. But it was the closest thing to perfect Jackie could imagine.

Jackie's Teenage Years:

The teenage years are hard for almost everyone

But Jackie's parents made high school sound like a movie. Her mom was a cheerleader, her dad was a baseball player.

High school for her didn't feel like the movie that was promised to her, but she found parts of it she liked. That was a skill Jackie had developed over the years- she considered it her layers of want.

On the surface- Jackie liked a lot of things. Jackie liked the attention, the praise, the affection she received for her pretty little acts, her pretty little voice, her pretty little demeanor. She could be the perfect little performer and reap the benefits from her audience. Her parents were at least mildly pleased by her success in the high school social hierarchy, and that was a huge win for her.

Below the surface- Jackie liked things differently. This part of herself was the part reserved for Shauna, and sometimes the team. She liked winning. She liked the feeling of her muscles burning as she took across the field like a cheetah, the way the ground would blur beneath her feet. She liked the collective triumph at their victories. She liked the way Lottie would shake her shoulders with a big grin when Jackie scored a point. She liked the way they would light up in the locker room with one of her pep talks. She liked the way they listened to her, like she had something worth saying. She liked having a post practice sleepover at Shauna's. She liked getting to unwind with her, reading magazines or watching tv or listening to music and talking. She liked getting to be a girl, without the frill of a performance.

And then buried deep- Jackie had things she liked that she kept to herself- that she denied and ignored in the hopes of them disappearing. Like a monster in the closet. If she hides under the blanket, it can't get her. She likes strawberry oreo milkshakes-the ones with real ice cream- real frozen strawberries and crushed up oreos. Her mother would think it absurd. Far too many calories. Unnecessary. Her dad thought the combination was disgusting. "The milkshake order of an 8 year old boy." he would say. But Jackie loved them. They were perfect. But she wasn't allowed to love them. So that love went to the vault to be ignored. She likes when Shauna is drunk- a very specific level of drunk. A lot of times, as parties mostly, drunk Shauna is broody, angry, a little mean. But there is a this perfect sweet spot with inebriated Shauna where she's a little sleepy, her perfectly brilliant mind a little bit hazy, and her arms heavy. She drapes herself around Jackie, words slurred, and she's like a warm weighted blanket then. Jackie is a cuddly drunk. She's actually cuddly in general, but cuddly is too much for most people- so her love of cuddling is also rejected to the box. But when they are drunk, alone in Shauna's attic, warm and content and sleepy and cuddly, Jackie feels lighter than ever. But that's only because she's drunk. So she can write it off.

There's things she doesn't like that get buried deep too. Things that bother her that shouldn't. Loud noises. Fireworks. When Shauna drives too fast. When Jeff touches her. Jeff.

That's something she's supposed to love. That's something that surface Jackie does love. Attention. But deep down, it's the wrong kind of attention and coming from the wrong place. Deep down, Jackie shudders at the weight of her name. Deep down, Jackie hates how many eyes watch her. Deep down, Jackie is suffocating under the pressure of being perfect for everyone. Of being what everyone wants her to be. She's scared beneath all the frill and performance and smiling masks, there's nothing inside of her- just a hollow void. Without expectations, she doesn't know what life is. Without expectations, she doesn't know who she is. Without expectations, she doesn't know how to breathe. But at the same time, she's not sure she's ever really had a real breath of fresh air.

Jeff is nice. He's attractive. He's charming. He's well loved. He should be everything Jackie wants and needs. But when they are together, when he kisses her neck or fingers her roughly or paws at her breasts clumsily- it's like she can't be there. Her mind has to go elsewhere to survive it or she'll break into those disgusting hives. She numbs her mind and body so she doesn't break apart. Then when he's gone, she stares numbly in the mirror, not recognizing the creature on the other side, brushes her teeth until her gums bleed, and showers with the water so hot that it scalds her skin.

He should be perfect. She should be perfect. Together they could be perfect. If she weren't so wrong inside.

Jackie's Relationship with Others:

So this is the crux of Jackie's relationship with other people. She exists for them. She doesn't know how to exist for herself because all she's ever known is how to please others. She's what you want of her. If you need her to be the shallow mean girl image? That's an easy perception to find. If you want her to be the pure and virtuous angel? Easy enough to believe. Whatever you want. Jackie can be that. She's eager to please.

But it's that malleability that makes it hard to connect. Because she's what you want, you never really feel like you know her. There's always this level of artificial separation. Something that keeps you from really seeing her. So the relationship will always be surface level, or if you're lucky, maybe a little deeper.

And god does she love. Sensitive Jackie, who feels so deeply and wholly. Who views her teammates as the greatest parts of her life. Who loves Lottie's individuality, her quiet observational wisdom. Who loves Van's smile and brightness, how she lightens any room she walks into. Who loves Taissa's drive, her relentless ambition and fire to burn bright. She loves with everything in her entire being, and would truly go to any lengths for the people she loves.

But she's a repressed being. Someone who doesn't know how to show her love. She thinks she does. She thinks her gifts and her praise and her quality time spent with them, how she learns everything about them and truly knows them- that's her love- isn't that clear? But they don't seem to get it. That's just Jackie. Little miss perfect strikes again. Of course Jackie remembered your birthday- it's Jackie. Of course you got the perfect gift- she's not going to be shown up by anyone else. Of course she wants everyone to spend time together- it makes her look like the perfect captain.

This artificial separation she's built up- this facade- it will never allow anyone to truly know or see her, so how could they ever connect with her, let alone love her like she loves them?

Jackie's Relationship with Herself:

And this leaves Jackie with the most crushing and profound sense of loneliness. A complex creature with contradicting desires. To breathe unseen, to go unnoticed and without expectation. To live without someone actually seeing how broken she is inside- a petrifying fear of being known. While simultaneously being stuck with a devastating need for connection, a desire to hold onto someone that holds her back. Reciprocal love, a love that feels shared and earnest, not manufactured out of her own design or made to fit what someone else wants.

Don't look at me. Not too close. Please don't see me for what I am. Lonely and broken and needy.

Please look at me. Please somebody, anybody see me. Am I so truly impossible to love and hold?

There is no greater critic of Jackie Taylor than Jackie Taylor. Nothing she ever does or accomplishes will ever be perfect enough. She will never be what everyone needs of her, always falling short of the mark. If someone were somehow able to see through her facade- to see the hidden Jackie and love her completely, she wouldn't recognize that. She would assume it's something else. Something dangerous or mean. Intent to tear her down in someway. Expose her ugliness to the world maybe.

She also doesn't really know how to drop the facade- it's something she would need to work on a lot. She doesn't know how to not be what people want her to be. She doesn't feel that she has any sense of value or worth or identity if she's not useful in someway, if she's not offering something.

The Wilderness + Jackie's Survival in PMF:

And here is where we come to Jackie's place in PMF

Maybe everything above can be read as just general headcanons for her- how I perceive her. It's why I view her as such a tragic character, because I perceive her as someone who never got to find her own happiness in life. She existed for others and is remembered in a distorted lens because she never really let anyone know her.

With PMF specifically, she's given the chance to survive and grow, given the opportunity to find herself and change her relationship with herself and others.

Nat sort of serves as her anchor for this.

The Wilderness sees the fight inside of her, sees how she's got this hidden fury inside of her that's never let out. Potential.

So Jackie's given her second chance, it's just up to her to claw it out for herself.

And it could be easy for her to give in. Living is painful. Living is miserable. Living is endless hours of dreadful existence with limited moments of light to keep you going. She views herself as too weak for it. Too broken. But Nat seems determined not to let her die. Stubborn.

It takes her a while to see it. To see the worth in her survival. She exists in a numb sort of twisted version of how she existed before- like a ghost- not really anyone- just something hollow drifting around in case someone wants or needs something from her.

But they don't need her now. They've made that clear. It's just Nat who seems to want her around, and she's not totally sure why. But it keeps her going.

She makes mistakes. Because again- living is hard. She falls back on old habits, returns to what she knows, what's comfortable. Ignores her pain, ignores her fear, focuses on being what's wanted, even if she can see how poorly it will end for her.

But Nat keeps showing up. She keeps showing Jackie these moments of authentic kindness, keeps looking at her like she's seen the things Jackie has always fought to hide.

She doesn't know why she's still here, but it has something to do with Nat.

Nat asks her to fight, and Jackie doesn't know that she has it in her. The facade is shattering now, the deeply buried lonely creature visible to all. So now she's at the end of a road, and everyone feels it. She can keep walking the same direction she's been going, a road of lies and performance and artificiality- a road that will most likely end in her near demise- that road isn't meant for this world she's crashed into. Or she can adapt. Follow a new path, acknowledge this thing she's kept buried for so long and try to figure it out- fight to survive long enough to untangle the mess inside of her- maybe find some kind of purpose.

If she can? She'll do alright. She'll suffer, surely, this world is cruel and living is pain. But she'll also find things she never would have otherwise. Learn what she wants, what she actually needs, and what needs to change in order to grasp it

anyways i have to stop now this is fucking crazy gang when will I respond to an ask with a normal word count

#never is the answer #yellowjackets #yellowjackets fic #yellowjackets fanfic #yellowjackets hcs #jackie taylor #character analysis #character study #natalie scatorccio #jackienat #shauna shipman #pmf #jackieshauna #character psychology

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richeeduvie · 1 year ago

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Can someone please explain to me the whole baby thing? And dog bone au? And all these aus im so confused

DOG AND BONE!AU BASICS

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.

This is asked every five months and I'm happy to explain it each time! I'll put it in the pinned post! This is a long one so sorry yall

So Dog and Bone is the title to the AU for a self-insert x Roman Roy fic compilation. There's no actual series yet…sorry, I know! How long has it been? But these fics range from entire one-shots that center around a plot that can lead into another one-shot/drabble, with the content of said piece becoming important to the whole AU, to just cute, fluffy or smutty drabbles and blurbs. Most of them are based on requests. Your request could become a big part of Dog and Bone!

BABY

Baby is the name for the self-insert. Fics will flip from a second person to third person POV, so you'll see her referred to as 'Baby' a lot. I don't consider her an OC because there's no and will never be a physical description of her and to be honest, I only started to referred to her as Baby so I could write third person POV fics when I'm lazy and don't want to go heavy in internal monologue, which is what I do for second person POV fics. I never use 'Y/N' for her or any self-insert. But many see her as other people and not themselves and I love that too!

Personality-wise, you'll find her to Roman's soulmate. Although she is still a victim of being out-of-touch due to her wealth, she's managed to be kind and respectful and just something that Roys don't have outside of her. She's the ultimate nepo baby with Logan just giving her some vague career path at Waystar to keep her around. She mostly works in marketing and spends her days with Tom and Greg. So, the story of DAB (lol). Baby is the childhood best friend of Roman (and Shiv). In the AU, Baby's biological father was Logan's best friend and business associate. She met the Roy family when she was five and when Roman when almost seven. She was meant to be the best friend of Shiv, but Roman stole her one day when Shiv when to get more toys and baby Baby was on the swings. His sister is still pissed about this to this day.

Nothing much has been mentioned of Baby's bio dad just yet, but it was a one-time thing (so understandable is yall don't remember) that we see Logan giving Baby the medal her father gave him after his funeral. He's dead and apparently fought in a war, or maybe just liked collecting medals as much as Logan did.

So, facts about the dead dad:

Maybe was a veteran

Was hinted to have given Baby an eating disorder

Died when she was eight

Possibly kept her away from her mother

Logan's her godfather, but it was Frank to take her in after her dad had passed. Frank ON TOP!!!! PAPA FRANK!!! Baby's mother is very distant and she's really only seen her for a few holidays throughout her childhood. I've always imagined her to be those wealthy hippies feigning spirituality and did maybe try to get Baby in terms of custody, but didn't try a lot - not even after Baby's father died. So, Baby gets to stay with the Roys with Frank being her guardian. With this, it's just co-dependency and possessiveness growing.

Roman and Baby don't really have friends outside of each other. They do everything together and eventually start doing relationship sort of things together. They take each others virginities. Roman gets panicky and painful in the muscles if Baby has to leave him for more than three days. It's great, but nothing's official.

They live this way until Roman gets with Tabitha.

Now, you may be thinking 'Why does he begin a relationship with Tabitha if he's so possessive and seemingly satisfied with the situation he has with Baby?' Well, I have two fics that'll help you to explain Roman's stupidity:

Why Does Rome Still Date Tabitha (They Don’t Have Sex, but Still) Kendall Wins!AU Confession

The latter of the two is a bit more personal and truthful for Roman. It can be noted that as much as I am a GerriRoman supporter, their relationship does not happen in the DogandBone!AU. Only because one, frankly, I don't know how to or have the desire to thread it throughout the story because I already kept Tabitha's plotline…which is Roman's downfall. You will see. And two, you'll find that Roman and all of the Roys, really, have a lot of themselves changed all because they have one genuine friend that's cared and loved them since childhood so that big part of Roman's plotless plot-time in canon is gone here. Grace didn't happen as well because Jesse Armstrong said so lol.

As I said, the genuine friend line applies to all of the Roys (excluding Logan, except for his AU…), but it really applies to Kendall. Going back to the point where Baby and Roman are fourteen/fifteen and fifteen/sixteen, he gets sent away to military school. I made it so he's only there for two years to which Logan just doesn't care to send him there anymore because I want Baby and Roman teenage puppy and needy love for as much as I can get it. During this time, Kendall has this belief, this kindness to take in Baby when she's at her loneliest.

and…so…Kendall and Baby's whole thing?

The link above sums up their whole situation but I'll elaborate a bit more here because there's Tern Haven. Tern Haven happens in the OG!DogandBone!AU and KendallWins!AU, the grooming situation happens in every AU.

Of course, Roman comes back and Baby sobers up for the most part and leaves groomer Kendall's ass in the dust! It's when Roman starts dating Tabitha decades later that Kendall, who never actually made a move on Baby, brings hell and tragedy to the family. Baby's not so keen on continuing to have sex and the weird thing she has with Roman as he is with Tabitha around, so she becomes lonely and thoughtful in the need to reconnect with friends, maybe start dating herself. She's there during Tern Haven and can't go to Roman's room to hang out, Tabitha's there. She doesn't bother Shiv and Tom, she could talk with Frank, maybe? Maybe, but she makes her way to Kendall's room.

And whatever high horse Kendall put himself on for not doing anything with Baby, maybe not being in love with her - or at least having no awareness about it, whatever was starting with Naomi, it's gone when Baby enters that room.

Again, Tern Haven happens in Kendallwins!AU and the OG!AU. The only difference is that after, Roman is either successful in pulling Baby away from Kendall, or he isn't. This is where it can get confusing as it can with all the AUs because there's so many little splices of moments within content that really helps you understand how things happen but I can say that the Kendallwins!AU is just sad, scary, and dark.

But enough of that!

OG!DOGANDBONE!AU

After Roman's successful in getting Kendall away from Baby, he immediately breaks up with Tabitha and they heal from what happened. Kendall declines quickly during this. Logan dies and they get married after the GoJo sale. They have Baby Jr. On occasion, we'll have fun and write them having two more kids, Baby Jr Jr and Roman Jr, but they aren't canon - or they at least would get a canon fic like Baby

FICS TO HELP: Romulus Sneakers | Dad Frank feat. Baby Roman Call Them Brothers Back in Town Bone and Her Heart Roman’s a Friend Stealer While you were sleeping Touch Me (I'm Sick) Date Death | Part One Date Death Part 2 Babied (He Loves It) Violet, Blue, Green, Red To Keep Me Out Phone Call Home Baby Baby in “I went to Market” Baby in ‘Too Much Birthday’ After the GoJo Sale Telling Roman She's Pregnant

BABY JR

Baby Jr is an unrealistically perfect angel of a child that belongs to Roman and Baby in their AU and was born a preemie with a slew of health problems, but because I love her so much, it's becoming a running joke for her to just exist in every AU, somehow. if Baby's there, Baby Jr's there. She's named fittingly. You'll see her a lot in smaller blurbs and fics. Another running joke is that she hates Kendall in every AU, though she's barely mentioned outside of the OG! and Loganwins!AU.

JUST MY FAVORITE BABY JR FICS:

Baby Baby's First and Last Day at School Bear Baby Jr! Baby Jr Doing Something Dangerous Connor Taking Baby Jr Fishing Baby Jr seeing Baby Roman with Glasses

VARIATIONS OF THE OG!AU

They aren't mentioned a lot anymore because we don't get so serious about them and it was more just to have fun with the story, but the OG!AU does have some variations to how the plot goes. You have Baby and Roman having Baby Jr before season one where Tabitha and Tern Haven are things that obviously never happened:

If Roman Knocked Baby Up Logan Bullying Baby Jr YoungBornBabyJr!AU With Roman Forcing Baby to Marry Him Roman Drunk and Loving If Roman Knocked Baby Up in Their 20s If Baby Jr was Little in The Pilot Logan’s Baby Jr Favoritism Where’s Your Daughter?

Then, you have Baby dying and Roman killing himself to leave Baby Jr an orphan: Come Time, Baby Jr Missing Mommy.

Or you have Baby AND Baby Jr dying to leave Roman killing himself after his last moments of suffering…which, I can't find, but do we really want to read that?

If you don't want to suffer, it can end simply as a nightmare Roman had in the night. Here's another Nightmare Blurb.

LOGANWINS!AU

Listen. I CANNOT be the only person who has consistently written for Logan. I CANNOT! But I do and Baby is unfortunately the victim of a joke turned into a horniness for an old, old man.

Logan doesn't actually have a fic establishing the Loganwins!AU. Everything that's longer than a blurb are moments that already take place after they've gotten together. Tern Haven does not take place here because it appears that this…intimate relationship takes place before season one. Roman doesn't get together with Tabitha in this AU because he's really fucked up about his soulmate having sex and marriage with his…Dad. His abusive Dad. Baby Jr does exist here! This started as a joke to get people grossed out over old man Logan cock, I played it so I was DISGUSTED to appease any requests that were sent in. I really was. I don't know what happened. But a lot of what is written expands past Logan x Reader and more about the AU itself, which happens with Kendallwins! and the OG!AU too.

FICS TO HELP: THE OFFICE CONFRONTATION Mondale The Second Baseball Sick Baby Jr Mom(my) Siblings and Baby Jr Buzz off! Sister Shiv Recital Alone Baby Jr How Does The Relationship Begin? How Does Logan Propose? Are Baby and Roman Still Close? Pregnancy Announcement in the AU They Bought a Cat Who's Baby Jr's Godfather? Panty Stealer Roman's Twitter Argument

You guys are lucky I can't find the smut fic I wrote. But it's here on this blog. Somewhere.

Nvm here it is my bad: Reflections.

AFFAIR!AU

There's the Loganwins!AU, then there's the Affair!AU, which was established pretty recently. It's where Baby begins an affair with Roman while she's married to Logan and Baby Jr ends up being Roman's daughter, not his little sister. As much as I have accepted my great enjoyment in indulging the Logan lovers, I do think this is Baby at her most Succession.

She gets the benefits of being Logan's wife and his favorite wife, a cute daughter, Roman at her heel, whining for her to really be with him but knowing he'll never leave her at her denial. She's horrible, a whore. A baddie winning.

FICS TO HELP: Baby Jr being Roman's Daughter Roman and Newborn Baby Jr Baby in the Affair!AU Roman revealing she's his to his siblings "Dada" A Slight Confrontation How does it start? In Dad's Bed

GROOMING SITUATION (OG!AU and KENDALLWINS!AU)

So, I explained most of it above, but these are the fics to help understand just how messed up DogandBone!Kendall is. He's a different man, guys.

(Also Stewy was there. Stewy was her friend. A flawed twenty-something year old who didn't care enough to separate himself from Kendall when noticing the red flags of him and Baby, but he denied, denied, denied. But he also gave Baby some sense of being…ya know, a kid…cause he saw her as a CHILD)

Tern Haven:

Tern Haven EXTENDED TERN HAVEN More of Tern Haven (…Yay…)

Ken's Groomer Era:

Sleepover Drugged Up Heart Does Baby go Clubbing With Kendall? The Birthday (Big One) Kendall being Confused That Baby's Not Jealous More of Ken being Confused That Baby's Not Jealous Sleepover 2 Kendall's Birthday Gifts....

The Aftermath:

Smacktalking During Too Much Birthday Bad Bit

There's more, of course. There's always more.

KENDALLWINS!AU

After Tern Haven, Kendall has Baby. He's won Baby. He gets more addicted to drugs while making her dependent on them. He turns her into nothing - and just for him. He's scary and paranoid when it comes to Roman. A variation of the AU would be the Babydies!AU, where she accidently overdoses after he leaves her alone. It's a lot. This is not a fun AU, guys. But I like to write it!

FICS TO HELP:

Housewife Thing Waystar Press Conference Accusing Baby Jr of Not Being His Roman Trying to Get Baby Back From Kendall A Slight, Brotherly Confrontation Daily Does of Horror (Heroin) Mention of Heroin Handsy Baby and Kendall and Pills Panty Stealer Brother Roman's Dick Pics Saying Roman's Name Flower Delivery

THE OD FICS:

No Time Needled Memories

NOW....

SHIV'S AU

Shiv's AU isn't even a win!AU, technically. We haven't really dabbled in the idea of her winning. Just more of her yearning, but all in all, this woman wants Baby soooo badly. Too sad she has the guilt of being a woman. And her father. And Tom. And the denial hot on her skin.

Calling Shiv Shiv

TOM'S AU

Apparently the man can get obsessed and they haven't even kissed in his AU, yet. Fitting considering the shit he pulls with Greg. It's Baby at her most guilty due to her friendship with Shiv.

KARL'S AU

No.

STEWY'S AU

I give crumbs and only crumbs. But we're getting something started with Wedding Bells (Part One)!

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.

I hope this helps! xoxo

#inbox #hc's #drabble #dog and bone!au #roman roy x reader #succession fanfiction

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affogato-analysis · 4 months ago

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Hylia discourse

aka i don’t like botw Hylia and here’s why!

So i think everyone who likes botw Zelda dislikes her father which, fair! I however have seen very little Hylia discourse so here we are, getting into Hyrule’s Temple criticism!

Just to establish a couple things: we’ll call the “Temple” the institution and practices linked to the worship of the divine, so here Hylia (and maybe the other three goddesses but botw isn’t trying to be heavy on its religious worldbuilding so it won’t change much for us). I chose ‘temple’ simply because there are, well, temples in Hyrule (it's basically Hyrule's equivalent to the Christian Church).

Also, i’ll establish here that this take is based on the assumption that Zelda’s power is mainly linked to Hylia, because she prays to that goddess in particular and she’s the only one really mentioned throughout the game (by the monks, the statue, the Sheikah and really everyone who spoke about religion in this game)

I don’t know like any lore about tloz as a general rule because i played like half of Twilight Princess, all of botw, EOW and i have played totk a bunch although i’m not done with the main quest. As I said, the following analysis is purely based on botw, although if someone more knowledgeable than me wants to add something/explain how I'm wrong, I'd be really happy to read that!

I repeat, this analysis is purely about botw content, and does not include elements from totk (i have an actual explanation to that and it’s that i’m not done with totk lmao) (and also i have some thoughts about the continuity of the two games but i’ll write about that later)

Spoilers for botw, by the way.

(also this is like 2k words)

SO! Religious and political discourse, my beloved.

Zelda prayed relentlessly to Hylia for years, in different springs to the point that she once fainted in one, and it did not work out. Zelda’s power manifested when the guardian was about to kill her and Link, most definitely not when she had any hope for it. She was just standing in between Link and death and it worked!

I can think of two interpretations as to why her power was unlocked here and now:

Zelda’s power was inherently hers to unlock and Hylia herself had no say on the how and when it’d be released.

Hylia gave it to her then when she needed it to protect her friend, and not before when she was just praying and asking for it like a tantrum child unable to earn it.

We’re gonna tackle that first option because it brings us to the Temple as an institution and the way Zelda was made to pray for years even when it didn’t work.

We don’t know if there is a religious chief (pope equivalent) in botw. With Zelda being the literal descendent of Hylia, I’m going to assume she’d rank pretty high on the scale of ‘how much does one matter to the Temple’. Which does not, in fact, give her that much power. She is stuck in a role that is constantly reaffirmed with every ceremony, trapping her more and more under layers and layers of symbolism.

I’m not gonna delve into sociology right there but symbols matter so much. They shape our beliefs, our beliefs shape the way we perceive the world and our actions. Symbols also shape how others see us. Symbols define what is right and wrong for someone to do, and that moral judgment is internalized.

To put it simply, the more you present Zelda as the goddess of the legend, the less she can be anything else. She stops acting according to that picture of herself we’ve been given to see when she gets agency beyond that role — alone with Link after they become friends, when she’s studying the ruins, when she’s with Urbosa.

We won’t delve here in the question of why is she pictured in this or that way, IRL we could retrace the patterns and historicity of these symbols but we are in a game and pre-calamity Hyrule isn’t nearly developed enough for us to try a socio-historical analysis. Even my entire rant about symbols up there is already expanding a lot on the very little we actually see.

SO THEN! Symbols don’t just happen, they’re made. So how did these symbols get here and why are they relevant? symbols can die, lose and regain their relevance. Let me introduce you to the religious institution of the Temple.

We’re gonna extrapolate a shit lot over there, all of these are assumptions mostly based on very little factual information and a lot of assuming botw religious structure isn’t some highly elaborated innovative organization and looks enough like irl religions (Catholicism, Islam, Judaism because these are the only ones I know decently enough) (albeit mostly Catholicism).

There has to be a religious corps of people who live for and by religion. Because you need to get that temple running, and even if we never meet a priest-equivalent or anything, when Hylia’s existence is such an admitted fact, barely a belief at this point, there ought to be people devoted to that task.

I’m going to assume these people are in charge of spreading these symbols, because religious education and maintaining the Temple is their job. (I specify that because I don't want to make them sound evil and all, they spread the legends and teachings of their goddess because they love her) (wrecking both Link and Zelda’s lives is an unforeseen, unwanted, unnoticed side effect.) Their job makes them the most competent people when it comes to religion, so their power is basically a monopoly over any knowledge about the literal one way of salvation for Hyrule.

All of this to say, Zelda prays because that’s all that she knows. Because worship is seen as the one way to connect to Hylia — because most people aren’t her descendent — and the only people here to teach Zelda, especially after her mother’s death, rely on what they know to help her. And so, they send her praying. (And I get why they do, because when Link prays to the statue, Hylia answers and helps him regain his strength in exchange for emblems.)

And the Temple’s power is so massive that, when it doesn’t work again and again, they blame it on Zelda. Their knowledge can’t be wrong, they can’t be overwhelmed (just like her!) by the enormity of the task of awakening the power to seal the literal embodiment of evil, so it has to be her. She mustn’t pray hard enough, long enough, maybe she’s praying at the wrong spring. It can not be that their teachings are wrong and actively wasting her time, she must pray to connect to Hylia and her power.

And it doesn’t work. And when the calamity strikes, Zelda is still just a girl who has to face Ganon without divinity by her side.

And, when she stops trying to pray, when she reaches out to anything really as long as she can stand in between the calamity and her friend, her fingers wrap around her power and finally, finally, she is able to fight back. When all ended, when the springs failed her, Zelda found within herself the power she’d been asking someone else for.

In this perspective, Zelda’s power was hers all along and could not be awakened by Hylia, in a spring. The same way the sword chose Link and no one else, Zelda’s power had always been within her and in no one else’s hands.

(Also, and just maybe, a power meant to manifest in the face of evil was gonna manifest in the face of evil and not when a kind and benevolent goddess was looking at her favorite daughter, sheltering her from said evil.)

The Temple has knowledge and symbols, and with their authority on the religious domain, they trap Zelda in her role as a praying, waiting girl who has to earn, through her devotion to a goddess, a strength that was hers from the start.

And it kills many.

The second option is that Hylia didn’t want to give her power to a spoiled brat of a princess who thinks she can just ask for it instead of working for it.

It doesn’t change the fact that Zelda should probably not have been sent to pray that much and it was still a waste of time. No, the main thing that changes here is that Hylia was watching and she was the key to unlocking Zelda’s power.

And she didn’t when Zelda was praying, because a princess isn’t a beggar and Hylia’s descendant would have to be worthy of her birthright. Zelda would have to prove herself able to stare down Ganon himself.

So, when Zelda was constantly ushered away from the battlefields and protected at the expense of her people, when she was made to beg uselessly in the springs instead of reaching for knowledge — her own part of the triforce! —, when she lashed out at Link instead of working on bettering herself, Hylia did not answer.

Only when she stood up to Evil itself in a last ditch effort to protect her people did Hylia see in her what a princess, what her own child should be and deemed her worthy.

Why would she answer a tantrum child after all?

…

WELL!

When your answer to “why did you let Hyrule burn when you could have stepped in so much earlier?” is “I don’t respond well to tantrums”, I ask “where do your priorities lie?”!

A Goddess who condemns her entire people because one child didn’t live up to her expectations for maturity at the ripe age of seventeen is a Goddess who is, herself, throwing a tantrum.

“Force that girl to meet my divine, inhumane expectations, or you will all burn” is not the Word of a kind and benevolent goddess about her favorite daughter. This is the mentality of a tyrant too self-absorbed to step down from her ego and save her people, because she does not like the crying girl at the altar (as if the girl hadn’t been a sacrifice herself). This is a tantrum, just as much as Zelda’s anger at Link for trying to protect her. Except this tantrum threw Hyrule in a hundred years long misery, killed all five Champions and forced the now worthy Zelda to face the calamity on her own for a century, with the cruel assent of her Goddess.

One of my friends pointed out it might have elements of both. The religious corps pushes Zelda in the role of a begging, waiting, passive girl and Hylia stays resolutely quiet until Zelda breaks out of this mold to prove herself.

Which means two terrible things!

This religious corps tried its best to help Zelda unlock her power and only condemned her to fail repeatedly. They stuck her in a dress and made her pray and Hylia looked down upon her and refused such an heir. In their best attempts to help Zelda unleash her powers, they lock it further away and condemn themselves to destruction.

Hylia watched Zelda try her best to reach her according to the best of their knowledge and could not be bothered to send a word to her daughter. Not giving her the answer or her power, but just telling her ‘I see you’ would’ve been enough for Zelda to know Hylia was there. A simple ‘this is not the way’ would’ve been enough.

The more I speak, the more I think that maybe the Yiga clan had a couple points.

I also wanna point out really quickly the whole classism aspect of that ‘a princess isn’t a beggar’ sentence because, it’s not said in game but I said it while trying to figure out Hylia’s potential train of thought. Classism is a form of discrimination that assumes that poor people are less intelligent, morally inferior and generally worth less than rich people and it’s quite a piece of shit thing to say. So ‘a princess isn’t a beggar’ is inherently looking down on beggars and assuming that a princess should be inherently morally better. Classism sucks and I want to reinstate that my interpretation of Hylia’s silence isn’t my own opinion. No one is ‘less’ than someone else and I stand by that.

So yeah, what do we think?

#loz botw #botw spoilers #goddess hylia #i have a lot of thoughts #i have a lot of feelings #most of them are angry at the injustice lol #anyway loz analysis idk i hope you enjoyed!#botw zelda

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mer-acle · 24 days ago

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*chucks this at you nicely* Hope you're having a good day!

Go nuts I want to hear it!

Oh boy XD

It is hilarious because whenever somebody says something like that, I just go like, I have never had a hyperfixation my entire life XD

[I did this as a recording at first and edited out literally three minutes of me trying to find a topic, I am a mess]

We could actually, I'm just going to talk about MS Word shortcuts…

I do love using shortcuts. I have been taught that way by unfortunately my dad but we endure lol (I am not happy whenever I realize that I have something from my dad because I don’t really want to be like him. (He’s like… like Zeus from SW. So. You know… There are my “epic Athena fandom” daddy issues)

But yeah, shortcuts. So basically he taught me to like use some basic shortcuts back in the day, like, uh, Ctrl + C (copy) and Ctrl + V (paste).

I’m really well-versed in MS Word cos I’ve just been using it for so long and I’ve discovered a bunch of features one way or another (seriously guys use the “Styles” tab it is the best thing ever)

(Tangent incoming)

▣■▣■▣■▣■▣■▣■▣■▣■▣■▣■▣■▣

So two semesters ago, I was in an internship as a graphic designer or like marketing person in general. And I had not enough to do. I was like running the whole department on my own because they were cheap like that, they just took an intern and made her run the racket and then just let me struggle because I was simultaneously the person that didn’t even have a degree and the only person that knew anything about graphic design at all. But even so, because I was very efficient, I didn't have enough to do. Like I had to work 40 hours, which was not fun and it definitely took years of my life. (We will see how many it were) And there was not enough work for me for even half of that. , so I was bored. All. The. Time. It was terrible. So I tried to find extra work that I hadn’t been assigned just to keep busy cos the 40 hours are still mandatory even if there are wasted… gods I hate this system more than I can put into words. So I was doing the most random things in between to just keep myself busy because like, otherwise I would have literally died.

So at one point I researched all the Microsoft Word shortcuts and compiled them and printed them out for myself because maybe there’d be some useful ones.

And during the internship, I didn't really get to use them a lot because I didn't really write a lot, but I ended up keeping some in mind for later.

▣■▣■▣■▣■▣■▣■▣■▣■▣■▣■▣■▣

So what I can really recommend to get used to is Ctrl + I which makes your text italic (works on tumblr on PC as well btw). And the same works with, um, Ctrl + B for bold and Ctrl + U for underline.

Next part I had to translate from the German keyboard so I hope they still work; which is the “Home” key (Pos1 in German) and the “End” key, which let you jump to the beginning and end of your line respectively (also Tumblr PC functional) The keys are above the number pad on my keyboard I don't know if this helps lol

And there's another feature that Word has that has made my life so much easier, which is in fact the autocorrect function. How it works by default is just normal word replacement, but you can customize it with your own rules. For example, my word replaces “ofc" with “of course” automatically because I created a custom rule for it, same with other text-based abbreviations and such.

Quick tutorial on how to do it, you write down the word you want (in my example, write “of course” then select it), then go to File > Options (on the bottom left) > Proofing (in the popup) > AutoCorrect options You’ll have a little table where “of course” will already be written in, you can then put “ofc" in the left box and click “Add” and bam, new autocorrect rule.

And that’s honestly so helpful, cos I don’t have to rethink the way I write on Tumblr or text and can just do the same in word.

I also literally the day this ask came in, had another idea how I could use this function (hence why we are talking about it lol, I am excited about it) You might have seen dividers using symbols on Tumblr like ▣■▣■▣■▣■ these, and normally you have to copy-paste these from somewhere cos obviously there’s no key on the keyboard for it (you will still have to on tumblr I fear, this is still Word specific, unless you write your tumblr posts in word which… I am literally writing this in word right now cos it’s relatively long and I’m paranoid to lose it) Either way, so what I did is the exact same thing, I made myself an autocorrect rule that makes /// automatically be replaced by ▣■▣■▣■▣■▣■▣■▣■▣■▣■▣■▣■▣

So now instead of a tedious copy-paste job I hit the / key three times which makes me unreasonably, stupidly happy honestly (btw if you want it to not be replaced like I just needed the /// to stay like that for explanation purposes, you can just hit Ctrl+Z)

Lol that is the most random post I have on tumblr I bet lol, but I mean, that's the, that's the assignment, right?

But yeah the Tasha made herself a stupid little rule on her stupid little computer and it makes her writing process just a tad easier and she felt like she had everything figured out for a little while.

Welp hopefully this wasn’t too boring, maybe it’s helpful to someone even… at least someone using Windows (and MS Word) lmao

#tasha asks #rambling #ms word #shortcuts #tasha talks #tumblr website

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kerubimcrepin · 10 months ago

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Wakfu OVA - Book 3, Dragon Mountain [PART 2]

Goultard's canonical gay husband is literally looking like a loaf of bread.

[pointing at the screen and clapping] This used to be Goultard's gay lover. [salutes to the biggest hero of doomed yaoi]

Please... Translate the manga... I believe in you, scanlation team that is currently doing that!

[boos]

LEORICTUS WARCRIME ENABLER ATE PINPIN'S ARM LMAOO

the face of an arm-eater....

Ngl I wish it was 'Salar who did this. Because then I could make unfunny jokes about Joris.

I'm sure that Joris isn't feeling in any way suicidal or despaired about the fact that internally he agreed with Adamai but let Yugo do this because Yugo is based and stuff. Surely he isn't having a fucking mental breakdown.

THEY PUT ME IN A ROOM FULL OF RATS. AND RATS MAKE ME CRAZY.

By which I mean, in a room full of distraught civilians, of course Kerubim's main concern is his brother.

He probably feels so powerless... Joris is gone and he has no idea if he is okay. He can't even console Atcham, because this situation is completely out of their control.

BUT THEN HE COLLECTS HIMSELF, VISIBLY SHAKING HIS HEAD IN SOME SORT OF INTERNAL ARGUMENT.

He knows he's the one who has to give people hope — his family, and the people around him, he can't let them spiral into panic. It's one of the few things he can do, at times like these.

Also, at the sound of Kerubim's voice, Atcham opens his eyes to look at him. Hngfhngnhnnghnfnhnn

He is doing so well in the "not losing his mind because he's the only one in his family who can do that" department... He's always been good at this.

I am now an Ankama hater because they won't show us Joris's despaired face at the realization of their impending doom.

I WILL TAKE CRUMBS THANK YOU.

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES I'M INSANE.

Goultard not mentioning missing his dead ex husband after seeing him is an intant -5 points to this OVA.

I want to give a shout-out to @bitter-panacea because his Goultard takes are so good. It really gave me a new appreciation for the character, and I can't stop smiling at his behaviours here. A wonderful creature.

tiny

Atcham seems to be the first to hear the return of Yugo and Tristepin.

Joris might not necessarily be the second one to notice, considering we only see his face zoomed in, though.

Still, he looks pretty in these 2 screenshots, so I'm including them.

Need this frame injected intravenously.

[Laughs in Wakfu The Great Wave Manga] [Laughs in Season 4] [Laughs in Waven]

Not Kerubim and Atcham standing a polite "we don't know him" distance from Joris 😭

(Personally, I think they're standing a little far from him because he's technically in the middle of fulfilling his diplomatic duties, and currently standing next to a king...)

Of course the Brotherhood of Tofu's biggest fan has a huge happy grin on his face during this... :D

It's very cute how happy he is. There isn't much not to be happy about: Besides his two friends getting married, the good news is that the Chaos of Ogrest has been stopped, almost nobody had to die (we don't know the fatality rate of the meteorites that got dropped to WoT), AND nobody he cares about died.

#ro liveblogs dofus #krosmoz #dofus #wakfu #wak3

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thenightfolknetwork · 8 months ago

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Hi there, I know this is going to come across as a little unconventional but I am a superhero or rather I am part of a group of costumed good samaritans based in LA who happen to be born with various special abilities. You see we’re all what could I suppose be classified as mutants and we grew up watching a lot of hero cartoons as kids so when we discovered that we had superpowers we all thought it might be fun to become a real life superhero team. We’re actually pretty good at it and we fight other supernatural threats pretty often, but that’s not why I’m asking. You see, I’m in need of some advice.

You see there is a member of our group who I strongly believe to be gay and I think she’s a bit too scared to come out to the rest of us. Now normally this would be fine and we would be more than happy to give her time to adjust and come out on her own terms except she’s been doing something a bit odd to dance around this issue.

There’s this one recurring villain we face who is a bit of a mad scientist and I strongly suspect that she is actually my teammate’s girlfriend. Every time she shows up her scheme’s always revolve around either kidnapping my teammate as a power source or “brainwashing” her into loyalty. For context my teammate possesses electrical powers.

Now let me be clear I do not believe my teammate has ever actually been unwittingly kidnapped or brainwashed in any capacity. She is a very bad actress and her “zombie voice” leaves much to be desired. Also pretty much all of the power sapping devices appeared to have internal generators so I seriously doubt they were actually doing anything.

I’m honestly at a serious loss for what to do here. There are five of us on the team and I’ve done my best to make it a nice and safe environment for vigilantes like ourselves and I want to give her time to do this on her own but it’s just really difficult. I can’t have her constantly dragging the team to go fake save her from what is clearly just her secret girlfriend in a lab coat and mask. There could be people in danger out there that we’re ignoring and I just don’t know what to do. I’m not very strong, my only power is regeneration, and I’m not social enough to confront her about it well.

Is there anything I could say to do this gently or anything I could do to make my teammates feel like it’s safe to kiss her girlfriend without putting on a fake headset and talking like a robot?

Please, I’m at a genuine loss. I’m supposed to be the leader but I don’t know what to do.

There's no secret solution here, reader. I'm afraid you need to sit down with your teammate and have the very conversation you've been avoiding.

These encounters are, as you have rightly identified, taking time and resources away from your team that might otherwise be used in defending people against serious threats. Even if that weren't the case, it is completely unacceptable for her to treat you and your other teammates as mere props in her romantic escapades.

I understand your hesitance, given your teammate's reticence to discuss her sexuality. But there are plenty of people out there who prefer not to discuss their sex life with friends and co-workers who manage to do so without these kinds of shenanigans!

I recommend you ask this teammate to speak with you privately, and bring the topic up as clearly and simply as you can. Tell her that you have noticed a pattern in your encounters with this person, and while you have no intention of prying into her personal life, as this group's leader you cannot allow this behaviour to continue.

By all means, take your time and prepare in whatever way feels best for you. You could write your points out beforehand and bring them in with you, or practice in front of a mirror or with a trusted friend (not one of your other teammates, naturally, but someone unrelated to the wider group).

I respect that you don't feel social enough to handle this confrontation but frankly, you don't have a choice. You are the leader of this group for a reason – presumably because the others trust your judgement and value your efforts to make your team a safe and welcoming space. Don't let that trust prove to be misplaced.

[For more creaturely advice, check out Monstrous Agonies on your podcast platform of choice, or visit monstrousproductions.org for more info]

#the nightfolk network #answered #monstrous agonies #superheroes #superhero #supervillain #urban fantasy #science fiction #advice #writblr #fantasy #fiction #short fiction

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nomsfaultau · 1 year ago

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Writing advice

Writing Mandatory Family Reunion has gotten to the point of emotionally convoluted that I'm making scene roller coaster charts and color coding parts of the text by topic. Which, I highly recommend these writing tools. A roller coaster map is something I picked up from theater, and is useful for structuring emotions. A quick example below:

Its where you plot a timeline oscillating between positive and negative emotions, and how quickly they're switched between. It helps to know where you want the emotional peak/pit for a scene/chapter/story, so you can arrange plot beats accordingly. Many stories try to have escalating conflict, so you can use this method to gauge the intensity of reactions to crisis in order to achieve this. The problem I had with my chapter was whiplash between emotions, so by charting it out I could see where transitions needed to smooth jarring flips between emotional extremes. Flooring the gas pedal can also be bad, so the roller coaster method lets you see how quickly you switch between major emotions, and where breathing room may be helpful.

There is a problem with the axis being positive to negative. While capturing the intensity goes alright, it's hard to distinguish different types of emotions. Anger, fear, and sorrow are all negative, but also feel very different to a reader. So at peaks/plummets I made little notes about the majority emotion there. I found the roller coaster method made it easier to understand how my character's would react based off their accumulating emotional/mental state, and you can multiple to track the journeys of multiple characters.

As for the color coding method, I use it for structuring ideas. I took sections of the text in a scene and colored them based on the topic. Using comment options can also be super useful. A following example, redacted so I don't spoil my readers lol:

This helped with tracking the development of an idea in a scene where many interweaving subjects were being covered. I first focused on just how that idea changed over the course of the scene, and the next and next. Then, I looked at the transitions between each colored block, mostly the last/first two sentences between the concepts. That way I could see if there was a clear flow of logic between one topic to the next. Then, I started rearranging the parts into a way that structured a more solid scene. The scene felt a little bit like a puzzle, trying to get transitions to line up, switching around colored paragraphs into an order that made sense both for the individual argument angle as well as how it contributed to the other topics. I personally was using this for an internal monologue heavy scene, but I imagine it could also work pretty well for conversations.

Anyway, these are just some tools I use when I dislike a scene but can't figure out why. Visualizing the story can really help when trying to structure the ideas and emotions. Happy writing!

#sidenote: whoever said writing an unreliable narrator is easier needs to be shot #im working myself to death trying to figure out this guy's internal monologue.#writer woes #writing advice #writeblr #writing #fic writing #story telling #writing tips #mfr is going slowly but surely. As it has for months..#ok. I finished the most recent chapter like 2 months ago and hated it for reasons I couldn't figure out so I never published #but the rollercoaster chart helped me figure it out #something to nom on

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daceydeath · 2 years ago

Text

Learning from Mistakes

Pairing: Jeongin x reader, Hyunjin x reader Word Count: 3.3k Genre: Angst, Fluff Warnings: Swearing, heartbreak, cheating, slightly suggestive

Keeping your relationship secret was a bit of an issue was he ashamed of you? Was he embarrassed? Or was it better than you didn't know the real reason.

"Baby, I have to go" Jeongin whispered softly into your hair as he kissed you goodbye on your cheek.

"Do you have to go? it's 2 in the morning" you groaned opening your eyes slightly to take in his freshly shower appearance, his hair still slightly damp and scented by your shampoo.

"Yeah I have to get back before the guys figure out I'm missing" he sighed apologetically before kissing you sweetly.

"Will you ever actually stay? or are you embarrassed because I'm just part of the staff?" you whispered against his lips accidently letting your internal monologue become words.

"I will stay but I can't tell them yet, you know how protective they can be, it's easier this way for now" he let hand cup your face while he rested his forehead against yours.

"Hmm, I guess I will see you later then" you pecked his lips softly letting him leave into the darkness of your hallway listening for the front door to open and then close again the electronic lock humming as it relocked. It always stung you to watch him leave in the middle of the night as though he had been recording, working out, practicing or just eating alone.

You had gotten a call in the early hours of the morning that you were needed for the Stray Kids music video shoot as one of the other make up artists had called in sick. Your boss at JYP had rearranged your schedules to make it all work but it was going to mean a long day for you even if that long day was at least in the vicinity of Jeongin. You arrived early for the first call on the set, prepping your make up kit and going over the looks one last time to ensure you made no mistakes. The members would be arriving in an hour or so for today's shoot and you knew it was going to be hard work to not spend your day stealing glances at him and pretending you didn't know each other more than work acquaintances. You were working on Felix, Hyunjin, Seungmin and Chan for this shoot and you knew that no matter what happened you were never going to be working on Jeongin, he always made sure that he was able to keep you as separate as possible even when he didn't know you were going to be working together.

Loud laughter and noise always preceded Stray Kids and you were well and truly used to it but now, it never bothered you, but today the laughter was slightly different to the normal chaos. You watched on smiling as they piled into the dressing room, all iced Americano's, snacks and headphones as each one went to the area they were required in first Felix to hair, Chan to wardrobe and Hyunjin straight to your make up chair.

"What are you doing here? We have missed you! How have you been?" he smiled sweetly as you clipped his hair back from his face smiling.

"I am alright, busy. I mean not as busy as you guys are but I am just covering today" you smiled in return always happy to chat with any of them about anything.

"You sure your ok? you seem I don't know sad?" he hummed watching you in the mirror closely his eyes soft.

"I'm alright really Hyunjin, I just didn't sleep well I woke up far too early and couldn't get back to sleep" you shrugged not really lying to him just only telling him half of the story.

"I hate when that happens, it's like you can't turn your brain off" he hummed closing his eyes as you started blending the base and applying concealer. You took your chance to glance around and figure out where the other members were, Han was on his phone in the make up chair behind you and you guessed from the loud noises coming from the next room Changbin was in wardrobe too but there were no signs of Jeongin anywhere.

"Are you looking forward to the shoot? I heard there was some super fun looking things on set but I haven't been able to check it out" you returned your attention to Hyunjin hoping that you could distract yourself.

"We're all so excited comebacks are always so much fun, teasing stay and watching them try to figure out what is a spoiler" Hyunjin grinned his eyes lighting up "plus some of my art is being used today".

"That's incredible Hyunjin" you met his eyes in the mirror "You always show such beautiful art to stays".

"Oh you have seen what I post then?" his eyes softened as you nodded silently.

"I've noticed that there has been teasing going on, there are dozens of articles popping up to analyze everything you guys do. It is hilarious sometimes" you giggled.

"Oh yeah what have you seen?" He quizzed as you turned him towards you to make sure his eye make up was even.

"There are articles about what you guys have changed your backgrounds to on bubble, something Chan said about stargazing, rumors about whether you spoiled things in lives. Stay are so intense about it" you continued as his smile widened as you spoke.

"What do you think?" he asked teasingly letting you apply the lip gloss he would be wearing.

"I think you guys are too chaotic for me to ever know what is happening" you teased right back "you're all done now Hyunjin so I guess I have Felix next" you grinned spinning his chair for him to stand.

You finished all the boys up before you grabbed your touch up kit to take to set for any fixes and alike while they filmed, walking down the hall to the set you could still hear loud laughing but as you stepped out onto the quiet set you found yourself looking at what seemed like an art gallery, it was an attractive aesthetic that you though was going to be an interesting visual to watch once it was filmed. Putting your things down in your little area so that you were fully prepped you heard giggling followed by Jeongin's voice hushing someone, with your curiosity piqued you wandered through the set to find him only to catch a glimpse of him sitting on a deep blue couch with a pretty brunette in his lap. Freezing you watched her run her hands through the same blonde hair you had the night before while he leaned in and kissed her while whispering something that made her giggle again.

"Inn-ah your up for makeup" Changbin's voice echoed around the empty space as you slipped back behind the set to go back to your station and wait your heart shattering in your chest. There was no way that you could be in the same room as him especially with some other girl hanging off of him. You sat alone on the edge of the set hoping your hardest that no one would come looking for you for the next twenty minutes just fixing your make up and putting in some eye drops to cover your breakdown. Gathering your anger and sorrow you walked back to the make up room to finish anything you needed to do before they started.

"There you are sorry I didn't get the chance to tell you how glad we were to see you this morning" Chan smiled as you reappeared in the room you had been working out of.

"Sorry I was just prepping the set touch up station for once filming started" you explained going back to where he was sitting in your make up chair. You had finished the four members you were responsible for so Chan staying in your make up chair was a little strange when he could be eating or resting before the shoot.

"I wanted to ask you a few things if you don't mind" Chan asked quietly trying to keep from being overheard even though you were alone at that moment.

"Of course Chan" you smiled although you knew you must have looked nervous.

"It's nothing bad I just wanted to ask you not to mention the girl that Jeongin brought with him today, I'm sure you will see her around but were all trying to keep as much privacy as we can he hasn't had a proper girlfriend in a while" he continued trying to ease your nerves and instead unwittingly breaking your heart further. He had told them all about her but had hidden you for the last six month making it dawn on you that he either was ashamed of being involved with you or that even worse you were the other woman.

"Oh I'm never going to mention anything that happens on set to anyone I don't want to be responsible for spoilers or scandals" you swallowed hard hoping you could keep your emotions in check.

"I also wanted to ask if you were seeing anyone, not that I am asking for myself, but one of the kids...." he trailed off looking concerned as your eyes widened and your face fell slightly the mask you were trying to hide behind slipping for a moment.

"I'm not Chan, I only just broke up with someone so I'm still feeling pretty heartbroken" you mumbled feeling more unshed tears burning the corners of your eyes.

"Shit that's horrible, I'm so sorry" Chan apologized instantly reaching out and grabbing your hand to squeeze as Hyunjin and Felix came into the room.

"It's alright Chan, he cheated so it's still painful" you tried to reassure him as his eyes looked increasingly worried and angry.

"What's wrong?" Felix quickly shut the door behind him to give you some privacy.

"She has just broke up with her boyfriend and he treated her terribly" Chan filled them in quickly as you dabbed the corner of your eyes to keep your make up in place and avoid totally breaking down a second time.

"No don't cry over an arsehole, you're worth too much for that" Hyunjin whispered taking your other hand and squeezing it.

"Thank you, I try to keep my personal problems away from work, there is enough going on with you guys that you don't need me sobbing in the background" you tried to smile again but it failed.

Chan, Felix and Hyunjin had taken extra care of you that day and as each other member had found out it was becoming painfully obvious to you that Jeongin realized that he had fucked things up even though you would never have told anyone it was him that it was the mystery ex. You could see the way his behavior had shifted at the information he had been given by Felix and then his 'girlfriend' had suddenly been whisked away by staff. When you had finished for the day and sadly slunk your way home you had simply stripped your bedding and slept on your couch unwilling to risk smelling his scent again until you could wash your sheets and clean any trace of him away from your apartment.

So many months had passed and you had worked a lot more with other artist in the company spending time getting past your heartbreak and to a point where you were almost happy again, and although eventually you had gotten to a point where you would be able speak to Jeongin civilly while the others were around you were never going to fully forgive what he had put you through. You also had not had any follow up conversations with Chan about who he had been talking about so you assumed it had simply been one of the members harboring a simple crush that had faded while they toured.

It had been so long before you worked with the Kids again and you had been requested to do the make up of all of them for a dance rehearsal video they were filming to surprise Stay. Which you were nervous about but knew that you would be able to do, you had spent a lot of time healing yourself.

You arrived at the studio they were filming in with your kit and set yourself up in a corner not needed by the cameras and got yourself set up, since it was just a rehearsal video it just needed to be natural and make them look less washed out on camera. They all wandered in at different times the noise level going up with the addition of each member but they had seemingly organized who would be getting their makeup in what order so Chan instantly sat himself on the stool for you to start after he walked in.

"Hey Chan" you smiled softly "Tour been going well?"

"It's been amazing it's a shame we couldn't bring you along no one looks after us quite like you" he smiled back as you started on his base.

"There is always next time" you laughed rolling your eyes as you heard Han and Lee Know start shouting about something.

"I don't know if you remember I mentioned that one of the kids wanted to know if you were single it was a while ago" he trailed off keeping his voice low.

"Yeah I remember I assumed the interest had faded if I'm honest" you hummed as you began his eyeshadow.

"It hasn't I can assure you" he chuckled "but are you available or have you moved on from that last wanker with someone new?"

"I am still very single Chan" you admitted softly your face heating up despite your best efforts to keep yourself calm. Chan just grinned while you finished up getting off the stool and letting the next member, Seungmin, take his place.

"I'm sorry" Jeongin muttered quietly taking his spot on your stool halfway through the eight of them, you didn't answer immediately just quickly adding concealer to his already, annoyingly, bright skin.

"I am too, but for different reasons" You mumbled back not looking at his eyes as you quickly smoked out his eyeliner.

"I was so stupid" he sighed as you made the mistake of meeting his eyes and seeing how resigned they looked.

"Yeah you were" you swallowed moving away from him "all done".

"I hope the next guy makes you happy" he whispered leaving you feeling dumbfounded but you pulled it together and got through the others make up fairly quickly and were only partially deafened by Lee Know and Changbin's shouting as Han hit high notes while he sang. Making you rub your ear subtly as they continued playing around until everyone was ready to go.

Sitting silently you watched them smash out the recording in one take working together like a well oiled machine as they ran through it like it was as easy, you couldn't help that your eyes flicked to Jeongin for a second or so before falling back onto the others, noticing how each of them looked like they were moving with so much more confidence and power. After they watched the playback they decided to do one more take so you got yourself more comfortable and watched as they cooled themselves down a little before going straight back in. You were surprised how the second run seemed even more intense they were all looking so in sync and fierce and they moved and this time you couldn't help be drawn to watching the danceracha boys who were almost hypnotic as they danced.

"Ok that is a wrap" the director called after the second take and you shook your head to break the spell they had you under and began to get your things together.

"Can you hang around for a little bit we need to make some changes to the next schedule we have you booked for" one of the other staff asked as you finished your clean up.

"Of course" you nodded pulling out your phone to look up your schedules with the JYP artists that you already had. As the members slowly left waving or shouting goodbye it was just Chan, Felix and Hyunjin left and their manager who smiled at you producing a envelope with your name on it.

"This is a contract that we would like you to look over that would have you moved from floating between the groups to a permanent member of the Stray Kids team" he explained as you took the envelope from him and opened it "You don't need to sign it now but we have decided to juggle our team a little and we think it's time we had three full time make up artists instead of two and several assistants".

"Thank you, I will look over this and get back to you but I am very grateful for the offer" you grinned brightly as he finished collecting his stuff and left leaving you with just the three of them.

"Was this your doing Chan?" you turned to him the envelope still tightly gripped in you hands.

"Not all my doing but still if you agree I'll take credit" he teased as he turned to Felix steering him towards the door.

"Can I help you with you stuff you always seem to have your arms full?" Hyunjin asked almost shyly.

"Thank you Hyunjin" you smiled warmly at him as he helped you get your other things together.

"I was meaning to ask you something..." he trailed off shyly.

"Of course what is it?" you turned back to him meeting his eyes as his cheeks flushed pink.

"Did you want to go on a date...with me?" he mumbled stuttering over the last words

"You want to date me? Are you sure? I'm just a make up artist no one special" You rambled wide eyes looking at him like he had mistaken you for someone else, as he smiled affectionately at you.

"Yes and that is exactly why. You are so special but you just don't know that you are" his voice was soft as he stepped towards you taking your hand in his and stroking your knuckles gently.

"I'm just me, I'm just going to embarrass you" you looked as his fingers wrapped around your own your heart beating hard in your chest.

"Is that what he told you? because I think you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen and I will prove that to you every single day" he whispered as you looked up at him with watery eyes "Will you give me that chance?" his eyes were so hopeful as you looked into them chewing on your own lip.

"Alright Hyunjin" you nodded slowly as he broke out into a breathtaking grin carefully pulling you closer to him and placing his lips on your forehead.

"Jeongin should have treated you so much better than he did" he admitted softly pulling himself back to look at you "I promise you aren't making a mistake choosing me".

"You know about Jeongin?" you swallowed hard.

"Yes, he told me while we were on tour after the others found out I was interested in you" he smiled reassuringly "We talked and we realized that we both fell for you at the same time only he got you first. He knows he's an idiot for letting you go but he also knows that if we are together he has to just live with it".

"Are you sure you want that, the possibility of fracturing your group over a girl?" you asked cautiously.

"For you yes" Hyunjin whispered back stepping closer to you his eyes flicking from your own to your lips and back again.

"Would you just kiss her already!" You heard Changbin yell from the other side of the door as six faces peered through the glass panel of the dance room door making you tuck your face into Hyunjin's chest embarrassed but happy as the arguing out side the room got louder.

a/n: Thank you for reading this little drabble all your lies, reblogs and comments keep me going so thank you endlessly for those xx

Taglist (open): @christopher-bangnaldoskzz, @armystay89, @damnyouficc, @roamingpolar, @tara-skyhold, @bakedlilgoonie, @krishastumblernow, @mrsseals16, @fawnpeaks, @leeknowinggg, @uno7, @tanzen-ist-gold, @junebug032

#jeongin x reader #yang jeongin x reader #hyunjin x reader #hwang hyunjin x reader #stray kids imagines #skz imagines #bang chan #lee felix #lee know #han jisung #kim seungmin #seo changbin #skz fanfic #stray kids fanfic #stray kids scenarios #skz scenarios #stray kids fluff #skz fluff

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