#i'm progressing half way!
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Auntie P being the most beautiful woman at the party despite only being there for 2 seconds. Her power!!!!!
#me?? obsessed with the older supporting character on a show with young canon lesbians?? seems pretty on-brand if I do say so myself#not my fault that I'm old lol#anin and pin are adorable but they are BABIES your honour!!!#I need someone age-appropriate to crush on I don't make the rules#anyways not to be a sappy lesbian but oh to be the lucky woman that gets to put a smile on that beautiful face le sigh#also I'm in love with her dress!! it's literally a shade of my favourite colour#absolutely gorgeoussssss#sidenote: I gotta tell you that making these shitty screencap posts with these youtube shows is a nightmare and a half lmao#bc of the way print screen works on my computer and the fact that you can't pause youtube w/o the progress bar showing up and staying there#and yet here I am painstakingly spending half an hour on 2 screencaps#just to have her beautiful face immortalized on my blog for all eternity#the things I do for you auntie p! the things!!!!#the loyal pin#shitty screencap posts (TM)
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guy very into musical theatre who mistakingly thinks they're connecting with me over a shared interest: yeah, weber is foundational and all, but i've always felt more of a connection with what starkid's got going on, y'know?
me, who's only ever listened to tracks from the musical episode of Psych: uhhhhhhhhh... hello my name is shawn spencer? this is my partner, lil' wayne? the evidence is underwhelming? but my intuition is insane?
#to be clear i am in fact a muscian and have a greater-than-basic understanding of the genre and the artform#in fact half the reason i'm so obsessed with the psych musical is bc of all the ways it utilizes the actual genre tropes of musicals#to make itself an effective and genuine article of the medium#but outside of the theory uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sorry i know nothing i am but a wee babe#honestly the orchestration of the tracks is what i keep finding myself impressed by#it's so varied and diverse both in harmonic structure/progression and actual instrumentation#one thing i especially love is how the piece where shawn spells out the crime combines a ton of motifs from earlier tracks#into one unified piece of music#which directly mirrors how these breakdowns narratively combine all the facts the audience has been shown throughout the episode#psych#psych the musical#running my mouth
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i would actually love to hear your thoughts on when layton would emote the ways you've drawn him! if you want! no pressure if not!
OH B OY HERE WE GO!!!!! again take everything with a grain of salt bc i Forgor bits of the series
BLANKET SPOILER FOR UNWOUND FUTURE/MIRACLE MASK MAYBE??/AZRAN LEGACY
(for reference we are talking abt this post)
SURPRISE: As we know in the PL series, it's very very hard to catch the professor off-guard in any way. Most of the things you would think would surprise him, he's already known for a long time and was just keeping quiet about it so that he could use that information at the right time.
With that being said, the times where he does seem to get somewhat surprised (or taken aback. he's so goddamn emotionally constipated) seem to be when the shocker in question has personal relation to him. Though in the series proper, none of the shocking personal factoids are ever presented in a way to make him jump. So theoretically, if any twists like Claire or Descole's reveal were presented much more aggressively, he might emote like how I've drawn him (though I kinda doubt it). Or just jumpscare him lmao
SADNESS: Obviously we know that Layton can feel sadness and cry, though even at the end of Unwound Future it's clear that he's still holding back with his crying. I'd wager that it's because he's out in public and around an impressionable individual (Luke) that he's not letting himself fully express his grief. After all, a true gentleman never makes a scene in public.
I'd say, if he were to cry like the way I've drawn him (that is, bawling his eyes out), it'd probably be at the end of UF when Luke leaves for America, and he'd have to be alone. And I mean completely alone. He'd be very careful about having anyone even remotely near him before he breaks down sobbing; he'd wait for Luke to go home, and wait a while to make sure that he hears no other footsteps around who could potentially walk in on him, before crying. And even then, he'd still repress it - trying to choke back sobs to make sure he isn't heard, pulling the brim of his hat over his eyes and covering his eyes with his hand, the works. Because sadness/crying is weakness to him, and a true gentleman can never show weakness.
ANGER: Frankly, I feel like this is one of the emotions I've drawn that I actually could see him showing in the series proper. We've seen him in Unwound Future just barely holding back his anger at Clive when he endangered Flora/started wrecking havoc on London (obviously still restrained- yadda yadda yadda "true gentleman" blah blah blah).
To get him to unrestrain it, I'd say you would have to put a lot of people he cares about (particularly his wards - Luke and Flora would likely be excellent choices) in direct danger, as well as taunt him to a personal degree enough times. Because even the Professor has limits to how much mental strain he can take, and all limits can be broken. It's just a matter of pushing the right (or wrong!) buttons on him.
FEAR: This one's tough I think. As an adult who's seen a lot (including his own death), it's pretty hard to find something that would really scare him to that degree. Throughout the series the most he seems to show in terms of fear is either: a) surprise that he quickly recovers from, or b) the end of Unwound Future when he realizes that Claire can't stay with him.
I say that theoretically (and REALLY emphasize on the "theoretically"), you might be able to get him to emote the way I've drawn him... if you subject him to anything akin to his recently unrepressed memories of his childhood, and he's rendered helpless to do anything to help but watch. But like I said, only theoretically. I'd wager that he'd probably just be angry too.
LAUGHTER: ...I honestly have no good clue to how or when he'd emote like this. For him to laugh so heartily, he'd have to be in a state of extreme emotional vulnerability, which isn't often.
I'd say it'd be at a time where he's feeling very relieved, or elated (and they'd both have to be situations that connect to him personally too; outside events won't phase him). How he'd laugh to such an extent I'm not actually sure, BUT I could paint a bit of a scenario: It's the end of UF, but Claire could actually stay without dying, and she makes a sort of lighthearted joke in light of the events. Would he laugh wholeheartedly? I dunno. But judging on what we've seen of him, it's a maybe.
It's a shame we never get to see him emote so colourfully in the hexalogy proper, but as I've stated before in another long-winded half-legible ramble character analysis, he's SEVERELY repressing his emotions due to Claire's last words/"gentleman" values/positive reinforcements from his peers and environments for successfully hiding his emotions. Poor guy.
#mak talks smack#mak talks back#professor layton#hershel layton#character analysis#i guess.?#mostly just me yapping eternally while trying to make sure i'm actually understood#i was waiting until i had enough mental capacity to type this on my laptop so sorry for the wait anon#but this is the gist of what i think#ALSO I FEEL THE NEED TO ADD#I DO NOT HATE CLAIRE IN ANY WAY AT ALL!!!#she's just made some very unfortunate wording choices which have exacerbated his repression issues further :(#but like i said in the art post the laughing one i put in bc i felt bad. lmao#most of the emotions i've drawn were just fun exercises for me#realistically would he show half of them? probably not#but oh well#still it's fun to draw him feeling extremes#especially when his face is just :-) or :-|#limitations are the key to progress!!
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sleeves!!!
we hit day 2 with 4 hours and 33 minutes, 2 hours were getting (an inch of) progress on my cardigan
the other two were spent doing 7 sunburst squares, because my sweater is quickly getting too big for my purse, and I've been wanting to make project bags to help organize so this is perfect
#craftember2024#knitting#crochet#see I wasn't joking about that inch of progress thing#you truly will be getting an inch of progress#as evidenced by my safety pin delineating where I started today#also this is technically going up on the third#because I got too into knitting and was nearly late to my shift#so I didn't have time to take pics#anyways#it's four hours because I woke up stupid early#as in two hours before my shift at work#and then my bus commute is roughly an hour and half each way#so you can see how me making my goal 20 minutes was mostly for days I don't work#which starts tomorrow because I'm a Sunday through Wednesday graveshifter now
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depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed
#and wdym that lifestyle changed so quickly into being out and about and an active member of the world??#very proud of myself#and i mean it wasn't that quick of a change#it was like 1.5 years primarily depression bedrotting with occasional school -> primarily depression bedrotting ->#primarily depression bedrotting with 3-9 hours of work weekly -> straight into 31+ hours school+9-12 hours work weekly#so there was somewhat of a gradual progression#but still#also wowza i wake up 7-7:30am every morning now. 1pm was an early wake up for a not so insignificant amount of time#i mean of all fundamental growth years to miss out on the ages like what 12/13-15 aren't too bad? they would suck in a different way if i#had been socially involved#anyway it's just. yea i'm proud of myself but it is a crazy lifestyle change#and even when i was deeply depressed in a horrible routine i feel like i learned a lot. how to regulate my emotions and cope well and find#the joy in everything. bc if i stayed in bed all day then i would at least be happy about the sun or whatever#and for the while of being not at school at all i WANTED to be at school i just could not find one bc our school system is so cute like tha#(basically every school is at capacity and the local school that has a guaranteed place for me would have been an all boys or girls 😭)#but i miraculously found and got into this school and miraculously made it work so well for me socially and now academically#it's also a good time to get back into school for my education bc any later and it woulda been pretty bad for all my certifications and uni#ive missed out on so much maths that its not worth it to me to try and catch up but my teacher knows that#but ive always hated maths regardless i only ever understood it for the first half of yr 7 then my attendance dropped#and after my recent exam i decided to try harder at school. but i still got an A on the exam i didn't study for!! academic weapon fr#i'm just idk thinking back to myself in the past few years#and how hopeless it all felt. but i got out of it!! i beat the depression and social anxiety and found a good place and made the most of it#and during the peak of my depression i remember i went out someplace near my old school and panicked so so badly about seeing#kids from my old school. and the friends at the time didnt really check on me when i went to shake and cry in a side street lmao#i kept the best of that friendgroup and have better friends now. but anyway now i take a bus each morning with some kids from my old school#and you see these hands? they look like they're shaking to you?#anyway yeah it's just cool i got to this point :) i really had no hope for so long but now i have a life i'm living and a future i'm build#--ing towards#which is funny i just decided some random day last november after watching some better call saul 'huh actually lawyer would b pretty cool'#and will i get there? we'll see but i do have hope now
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finally finished all of one character's entire quests/optional dialogue/questions/etc.... 100,000 words... .... aughhh
#Given some of it IS lines of code and stuff but like.. minus all that it's still probably at least 85 - 95k words hhhhhh#AND I have to do this for another 3 characters. Then a few partial quests for 3 others. THEN the other random misc stuff in the game#(like there are public areas in the city like a park and a forest that you can go and do a few things at. and chat with a few random#townsfolk that aren't actually full characters or anything. And there's a community board where you can#browse some of the random job advertisments or silly things that happen to be posted around#and also pick up a few odd jobs of your own to help earn coin to buy gifts for the npcs. etc. etc.)#Originally I was thinking like 'ah I'll make a short little game just to try it out! :3 It'll take maybe a few months!''#haha........................hee hee........................................hoho#Also evil that it would have been done already if I didn't totally drop itand stop working on it for like 5 years randomly#i could have made 5 years of steady slow progress gradually. instead of like 'one initial idea dump + about a month of art and writing'#...... 5 year break..... 'sudden mad dash to try to get probably 400.000 words written in a year or less' lol#I just really want to be done and have something out there already so it can lead to doing other things in my world..!!!!!! T o T#Like this can be an introduction and then maybe from that I can make other games. or short story anthologies. or other such things#But there needs to be some initially not very complex easy to interact with starting point first I guess... if that makes sense#That's part of why I stopped posting worldbuilding lore dump stuff as often because its' like.. massive walls of novella length#text are much more inacessible to engage with than like.. ooh a game! and there's characters! so its more approachable! and theres#visuals! oo! and the text is broken up in small bits line by line with other things in betwen! oo! etc. etc. lol#Not that THIS is even very accessible. I think dialogue heavy interactive fiction/visual novel type stuff is pretty niche and considered#boring or tedious compared to something with more ''gamplay'' like where you can actually move around in a world#and shoot things or whatever lol. But its an inbetween point. something SLIGHTLY#more accesible for now. Since i just dont have the budget or means or ability to make some skyrim type thing obviously LOL#Though maybe if theres any interest in the visual novel that could lead to making other things too. or at least I hope. I have a VERY cool#idea for a more ''gamey'' type of game that is a super fun concept and etc. but I would need to hire at least 2 people to make it.. ough..#I could do all the writing and probably half of the art. But I think I'd inevitably need a 3d artist and someone who can Code For Real hbjh#the system for ren'py (the thing I'm making a visual novel in) is not that complicated if you stick to just simple dialogue and stuff.#Making a whole moderately sized 3d game with minigames in it and a bunch of quest features and etc. would be out of my simplistic scope#''just learn it yourself!!' ... i barely manage to eat and sleep reliably every day lol... i do not function well enough to spend months#learning that many new skills. I already have a lot of of things I'm good at (not in a braggy way but just factually like.. i already have#a wide variety of different things under my belt).. at some point I have to just be happy with what i CAN already do and focus on that#and admit I need to get outside help sometimes ghjbh... NO more new skills/hobbies!!! ... ANYWAY
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i think that the desire for perfection when it comes to activism, organizing, and the like is truly the biggest detriment to progress in the present day. so many people labor under this fantasy that some perfect leader or solution or way of doing things will happen, and in the end we just end up going nowhere.
#a lots been going on in a different online sphere of mine and it's got me thinking about this topic specifically#the idea that things have to happen perfectly and that activism must be perfect is also an incredibly privileged take to have#most people don't have the time to be perfect activists#most people don't have the resources to be perfect activists#and the people who expect others to be perfect activists are often the people who both have the resources and are deeply imperfect themself#i'm a firm believer that the best activism is activism that actually sparks change and progress#and that activism is often imperfect and flawed along the way#but online leftists in particular are so caught up in the idea of being morally correct that they#overcompensate and don't get anything real done#or don't admit when what they did do was a mistake or didn't work out quite right#this is like a half formed thought i might revisit it later#personal#politics#activism
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yayyyyy
#the draft is FINALLY done#still have to revise and edit the second half so hopefully i'll be able to get it to 5k 🤞 but either way i'm so pleased!#a few hours' hard work and it'll be done-done#two months is far too long to spend on a 5k oneshot but c'est la vie#works in progress#writing tag#**
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Ohhhhhh, MHW is on sale 👀 Both on pc and console~
Half tempted to buy it on pc since no "you have to pay extra to play with your friends" bullshit, but then again I've already cleared the main story on console and am just missing the dlc 🤔
#neri.txt#“just get the new one” uhhhhh no thanks#call me old if you want but i will not be paying 70€ for a videogame#so i'll check it out in 3-5 years when it's less than half of that#but yeah uh#i'm not sure how much i'd play with others#i mean i already fuck my poor palico up so bad with my very irresponsible hammer usage#so i'm not sure if i should really get it on pc too#and i'd have to redo all my current progress#most of it goes pretty fast but i'm not looking forward to mr pickle farming :/#(i mean i need to still do some of it on console to but like. way less)
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WIP Tag/Ask Game
RULES: make a new post with the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! and then tag as many people as you have WIPs.
Thank you @mtndw-whteout for tagging me! ___〆(・∀・)
I think I'll stick to Mob Psycho 100 related things this time around, as I haven't been working on many Discworld things as much as I'd like, and Trollhunters stuff is in deep hibernation.
Glow Worms or rather: In the Depths of the Safflower Hills
Refrigerator Problem
Good Morning Afternoon
Starry Starry Night
Bad Times and Grit [working title]
Any Kind of Dead Person
And uh, yeah that's about it for now!
˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗ Thank you again for tagging me!
I'd like to tag: @babblish @mangatxt @abovo-adastra @feather-dancer @little-seed @sharkaroni @bearberrythief @disorganised-thoughtss (as always, no pressure!) And also I'll tag anyone who is interested!
Hop on in (b ᵔヮᵔ)b *: ・゚
#My response time will be a bit slow especially with how busy these next two months will be for me#I was tempted to add 'Swallow Song' which is a fic I'm intending to act as an epilogue for Glow Worms...but if I talk about it it'd probabl#spoil a few things in Glow Worms haha#Nico blabs into the void#Nico writes#progress report#wip games#I'm tempted to somehow make all these fics be related in some way#that is to say vaguely affiliated to Glow Worms#mainly because I want to keep reusing my HCs (Reigen Family Funeral Industry and half Brazilian Serizawa)#but maybe not all of them... idk - time will tell#mp100
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Update on my Whumptober thoughts: Not all the prompts will be posted, I have all 31 planned out but I found out that you don't have to post all 31. If a fic is finished, I'll post it but there's some big beasts that I want to write properly instead of rush. Also, I might not even write all 31. I want the completionist title but I don't have the time nor energy to force myself to write all the prompts and I did it last year and it wasn't like life-changing. I like Whumptober because the prompts help my creativity, spark some inspiration (talking about my Delancey Brothers Fic) but the perfectionist in me just beats myself up about not getting enough fics done before October or not writing enough each day to get them finished and then writing fics that all sound the same or the ideas being kind of shitty because I'm forcing them. I want to do my ideas justice rather than mass produce shit I don't like because I feel I need to, it's a constant line I walk between "I want to write something well and that I'm proud of so might be inactive for a while on AO3" and "I want to get this idea out there so need to post a bunch of stuff now"
#also i don't know why i feel i have to update people#i genuinely think that people will give me flack about not posting 31 prompts but calling myself a completionist#or saying i've got loads of fics coming up for the bear because of whumptober then not posting anything#i've made good progress with some things#the ed fic#but others are complete and not how i want them to be#there's a few fics exploring richie's birth family and him reconnecting that i want to do better#or him quitting the bear and becoming a nurse that i want to do justice#or just the fact that all i'm thinking of is my mikey lives au but it doesn't fit whumptober so i'm not writing it#and to top it off#my way of writing is changing from plan a lot and then write each scene in order and do that every day#to not being able to flesh out ideas so just writing down scenes until i get the vibe#it feels less dedicated to me personally#just because it's different and i'm a perfectionist who's too thorough sometimes#also half the time i plan a fic in detail then cba because it's too daunting#so i'm taking a leaf out of scenedenial's book and giving myself more freedom and trying not to beat myself up#that i've got 10 fics on the go and they're all slow going#because that's what i can manage#september is and will continue to be a stressful month for me#got my 2nd attempt at my driving test on 24th september and i'm an anxious wreck#also work on top of that and trying to have a life and let myself chill and say watch footie with my dad or grey's anatomy with my mum#rather than sit at a computer not writing all day#you've got to do stuff to be motivated#also exercise#i'm trying to exercise regularly and there's only so much time in the day when you work 9 hours a week#when did this become a vent post?#personal#kinda
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wip title tag game [I got tagged]
RULES: Make a new post with the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it!
[Link to tagged post]
Shoutout to @noodleblade for the tag and sorry it's taken me a month to do this (and also everything else you've tagged me in. I promise I appreciate it I'm just a mess).
I have a few that I haven't touched in a few months and some that I've been editing for ages but I'm still not quiiiiiite happy with but still. Here we go:
WIP List:
Of What Is and What Will Be (clone wars chip arc fix-it pt 2)
Commander Fox acquires a child
Jesse Order 66 timeloop fic
Ken Lemmons/everyone fic 5+1 times
Bucky Egan/Ken Lemmons friends to fwb to lovers
Bucky Egan/ Rosie Rosenthal end of the war getting together
Buck Cleven/Curt Biddick fluffy short fic
Jacemond prisoner!Aemond canon divergence from S1E10
Idk which pals have been working on anything lately so if you have been consider yourself tagged!
#shoutout to the way this out me for not having worked on half of these for way too long#if anyone sends one quick i'll get to it tonight but otherwise it'll probaby be after work tomorrow#tag game#ask game#also added extra fun mention for the way i'm posting this game and immediately losing all faith in my own writing wtf is THAT about#plus these absolutely just show the progression of things that took over my brain
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sometimes I forget that it is in fact not normal to have sudden social anxiety spikes after only two days spent inside, away from other people.
(the kind that make it near impossible to even just step in front of the door and walk downstairs to check the letterbox, much less leave for long enough to get groceries)
rest of a long thing under the cut bc I don't want to bother anybody with my introspection. but I wanted it to be there in case someone else struggles with this. idk. helps to not feel entirely alone in dealing with this shit
and paid time off is a curse sometimes, because it leads to weeks not going outside, which then starts the entire cycle I've been working on disrupting all over again. and I know that the only solution is actually going outside even if it's just for a bit, but fuck if it isn't the hardest thing in the world sometimes.
and it's so at odds with how people know me, generally, folks at work, friends for the most part, because I've gotten real good at pushing through and just doing the things that my body tells me are dangerous, but then I stay at home for three days and I just.. fall apart.
it's not as bad as it used to be, I'm better at at least taking out the trash if I need to, and if I can work myself up to it even ordering food instead of going without meals if things get too bad, but it takes so much energy to do any of those small, everyday things that I should just be able to do. idk
I never really went to therapy for it even if it's the mental-illness shit I've dealt with for the longest time. they diagnosed me when I was 14 and by then I had probably 14 years of ingrained, bad habits built up. and they recommended group therapy which in retrospect probably could have helped a lot, but to me (teen bullied by other teens who felt unsafe around pretty much anyone, even at home) it sounded like hell so I refused to go.
I can still remember my mum telling me that I would instead have to work on dealing with it myself, finding strategies to live with it, I guess. we would play silly games like labyrinth before I'd have to go to school, but I'd just cry through it all and then oftentimes circle back home when I knew everyone would be out. suffice to say I did find ways to push myself to do the things that felt like walking into fire, and it worked enough to a point where it just felt like holding my hand over a candle flame for a little too long. bearable if painful. and I guess I'm still stuck there.
trauma therapy helped me process some things and put others in perspective, enough to at least move on (never forgive or forget though, that I'll leave to the people with bigger hearts) and we worked through some of the hangups, but overall not much has changed nor do I think it would given more time and therapy.
like my grandmother I struggle to make myself do things that I know I should sometimes. (and the Innerer Schweinehund is too strong) at least if I don't technically need to do those things to survive. instead I'll eat plain rice for weeks on end. or candy from two years ago, or drink coffee and eat nothing for a week. which, I know, is disordered eating which in and of itself would probably benefit from more therapy, but I guess as long as my body can deal with it it's good enough as is.
#about this gal#social anxiety#is it any surprise that I relate to Peri and even Imogen so much. prob not. in some ways even Beta I guess#look. I know I need to get better again and figure this out but rn it's hard enough to just get through regular daily life#and I know it'll get better as soon as I'm back at work and talking to people every day#I made so much progress in being okay about being around groups of new people I don't know#uni certainly helped with that. as did our group therapy. and most people think I'm outgoing and happy to connect#which. I am. there's just also this whole underside of the iceberg that is me that is just a complete mess trying to cope#anyway. I made it out today because I had money back in my account and I had to get the other half of the 200#(that I'll need to pay for the anesthesiologist next week)#and I even made it into the bakery to pick up something to eat. and it always feels surreal so it did today#the talking and other people being there and just.. takes a while for things outside to feel real again#but I did it and I'm glad I did. it's not my best but it's better than nothing
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.
#i'm going through my old session planning notes from the dnd campaign i ran for the last few years#to collect all the little bits of worldbuilding into a new document where i can actually find all the info#and like. guys i have done some pretty cool stuff along the way#i truly and genuinely really like the world i have created here#very excited to dive into it again at some point and dm some more games in it#(we are cooking a new dnd group as we speak! we'll maybe get to play at early autumn or something!)#(and then there's the work dnd group that. maybe still exists? so far half of the players have made characters which counts as progress)#sussitalk
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mitya walking around town with blood splattered on his face and devoting his existence to a woman is actually peak character™. and you're telling me he's delirious too? who else is doing it like him? no one
#where's that post about more men should be obsessed with women#also can we talk about how mitya x grushenka are so bi4bi i have no basis for this other than i know i'm correct#like they're both hot it just makes sense i can't explain it it's the vibes#also trans mitya#anyways i just think he's neat#i love the whole murder plot i can't wait to see how it develops i know it wasn't him#also i LOVE the narrator in tbk?!#when the narrator gets silly adds comments ommits information and tells the story a certain way for you to take your own conclusions as the#story progresses it's SO fun#i can't wait to reread this book and i'm only a bit past half way till the end 😂#the brothers karamazov
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ugh
saw a post with a quote that basically tidily summed up the rebuttal i'd half-started drafting to someone's post about how homosociality in tolkien ~queers amatonormativity~ [spoiler: on the contrary, male homosociality has been engaged in a three-way handshake with both misogynist heterosexuality and amatonormativity for literal millennia, and far from undermining them, more typically serves as essential reinforcement], so i was like, great, now i don't have to actually write that essay, i can just reblog this instead and tag it #tolkien! :)
but then, like a conscientious idiot, i went and dutifully looked up the book it was from, because i think it's irresponsible to cite excerpts whose context you aren't familiar with; and very predictably it turned out to be by a r*dfem and to make all sorts of claims abt so-called 'phallocratic culture' that i dislike, both as a trans person and ally myself and also as a logical thinker who can tell perfectly well from, you know, lived experience of our society that having a penis doesn't in fact confer ready social acceptance, never mind dominance, on people who don't otherwise look or act the part of a Proper Man, because ultimately what we reflexively defer to is a particular vibe, produced by a combination of physique and affect and other things besides, which may imply the presence of a penis but neither actually reveals nor necessitates one…
so like. ugh. probably i'm gonna have to write my own essay after all. :/
#i don't know much about marilyn frye and it doesn't look from a quick google as though she's on par with some of the really nasty t*rfs#but like. you don't have to be vitriolic to still be fundamentally approaching the world in a cissexist way#that gives too much credence to ideas abt Men and Women even as it resents them#like in this essay she comes out with shit like#'women generally have good experiential reason to associate negative values and feelings with penises'#and like. i don't identify as a woman but presumably a r*dfem would class me as a ''''female person'''' so like.#speaking from that classification—can't relate!!#(i mean‚ dgmw‚ i don't want to be dismissive of experiences that were forced‚ or coercive‚ or consensual but painful‚ or or or)#(and it's not that i haven't myself had experiences where people were bad about consent with me)#(but personally i would say i associate negative values and feelings with those *people* and their *behavior‚* not with Penises per se.)#and maybe it's just like. that i'm speaking after literally 50 years of gender progress#like frye does in fact concede that a reframed relationship to penises would be an improvement#(''if penises were enjoyed a good deal more and worshipped a great deal less‚ everyone's understanding of… power and of love would change#beyond recognition and much for the better'')#so maybe it's just like. hi that's me! i'm there! enjoying them! :)#but i just feel like. i don't need to be drawing from a well that takes cisheteronormative constructs this much for granted#and thinks the way to escape them is separatism#as if the knife that cuts Women away from Men weren't cutting some of us in half‚ not 2 mention being itself a cisheteronormative construct#but like. the decontextualized quote really was tempting… :/#anyway. some people vent about normal things; i vent about shit like this‚ i guess!
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