#i'm not trying to make a big statement about religion

[adragonsfriend]

There are no trash takes on Jedi philosophy, there is contextual analysis.

As may be obvious from the title (humorous--I have gone through several common misinterpretations myself), this is about that infamous scrap of poetry,

There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is the Force.

And the other version,

Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet the Force.

I've seen quite a few interpretations of these along the lines of "the second version is reasonable but the first version is crazy and stupid," so here's why I think both versions are actually communicating the same idea, and the wording doesn't really change the meaning much at all.

So just like I did in my post about "do or do not there is not try," let's start by asking some questions to establish context before we look at the text itself.

Is it THE Jedi Code or just a mantra? Legends says it's the Code, canon says it's a mantra. The fact of the matter is that no matter what, it's really a scrap of poetry which couldn't encompass the entire philosophical basis of a culture even if it was trying, so we'll consider it a mantra.

Does the fact that it's a mantra rather than THE Jedi Code mean that we can't get anything deep or meaningful out of it? Of course not. Just because it's not the whole of or a full explanation of Jedi philosophy doesn't mean it's just a nice sounding string of words.

Who is saying this to who? This mantra is often used to focus a meditation, with the first phrasing used by adults in the culture, while the second phrasing is more often used by children.

What were George Lucas' inspirations for Jedi culture that relate to this mantra? (borrowing from this post) A combination of christianity, buddhism, and his interpretations. I'm not an expert in any religion, and definitely not in buddhism, but I know enough to know I'm about to make some sweeping generalizations, so take this with a grain of salt. Disclaimers aside, this mantra, and the way it is phrased, indicate it is being inspired more by buddhism. The way christian texts, specifically the Bible, are written typically goes "here is a story about people doing something, and here is how big G god and/or Jesus reacted." There are metaphors sprinkled in, but they are mainly there to clarify for readers. Buddhist texts on the other hand (and lots of other eastern belief systems as well, like daoism, hinduism, etc. It's an important note that these belief systems don't necessarily conform to the western idea of what a religion is, and often their original languages don't even have a word which is equivalent in meaning to "religion") use metaphor in often deliberately contradictory ways, to make the reader think about things which are difficult to express in words alone. The ongoing struggle to reconcile contradictory descriptions is the point. This doesn't mean those texts can be interpreted however a reader would like. There may be multiple right interpretations, but there can also be wrong interpretations.

What the mantra does NOT mean:

"There is no ___ …" =/= "The experience of ___ is fake news."

"There is no ___ …" =/= "___ is not a useful concept."

"There is no ___ …" =/= "We should totally ignore ___ and pretend we've never heard that word before."

The mantra is not realy a set of advice on how to act. It's a set of statements about Existance. And I do mean capital E, philosophical, epistemological, weird, deep, think-y, Existence.

Temperature Metaphor

You know the first time someone tells you as a kid that cold isn't real, it's just the absence of heat and you're like… "but I'm touching something right now and it feels cold???" It sounds wild the first time you hear it, but as you think about it more, maybe learn about it a second time in science class, get some more context about how molecules work, etc. it begins to make more sense. It gets easier to grasp, until eventually the knowledge feels intuitive--especially if you're a STEM person who thinks about it a lot. We still talk about cold as a concept, because it's useful to us as well--lack of heat can have damaging effects on our bodies after all, and a cold drink is great on a hot day--and it's more efficient to say "cold" than it is to say "lack of heat." But there are some situations, like developing refrigeration or air conditioning, where it is not just useful but essential to think of temperature as it really is--heat exists, cold doesn't--and thinking of it colloquially can only hold us back (if this isn't actually intuitive to you, that's fine, it's just a metaphor--you could also think about dark being the absence of light, vacuum being the absence of mass, any number of things mirror this).

Probably the easiest like to get one's head around, imo at least, is "there is no ignorance, there is knowledge."

Taken hyper-literally it would mean "why seek out knowledge ever when everyone already knows everything?" But if we say knowledge is to heat as ignorance is to cold, then we can understand the real meaning--knowledge is real, where ignorance is only the name of an experience.

The Whole Mantra

This is the way the Jedi are understanding of emotion, ignorance, passion, chaos, death, etc. They are introduced, as children, to the idea that whilst they may feel all of these things, what they are actually experiencing is the lack of the other things--peace, knowledge, serenity, harmony, the Force. That's why they start with the "___ yet ___" phrasing--it introduces them to the first steps of understanding:

They can feel emotions, yet peace is still real and out there to reach for no matter how overwhelming those emotions may be at the moment,

They can feel ignorant or unknowledgeable, yet knowledge is out there to find,

They can experience passion (meaning suffering or pain in this context), yet know that serenity will return to them,

They can find their surroundings chaotic, and yet look for the harmony in the noise,

They can understand that death happens, yet be comforted by the fact that the person dying is still as much a part of the Force as they ever were.

Eventually they move onto the full mantra:

They will always feel emotions, but if they always reckon with those emotions and pass through them they can always return to a place of peace,

If they feel ignorant, they must seek out knowledge, rather than acting rashly. Also, their own knowledge is not the limit--others may hold knowledge in places they consider clouded,

They may experience suffering and pain--it may even feel like a good thing--but there is no wisdom in pain, it is the distraction from serenity, which is where truth can be found,

No matter how chaotic the world appears, it is actually a part of an underlying harmony that makes up all the patterns and the beauty in the world,

Death is not an ending, no matter how much it may look like one. It is a natural transition back into the Force, the place all life comes from.

A Jedi youngling is someone for whom this understanding is an essential part of the culture they are being brought up in.

A Jedi Padawan is someone who is beginning to learn to apply this understanding outside the confines of the Jedi temple, in a world where not everyone shares it.

A Jedi Knight is someone who has learned to apply this understanding on their own, without supervision.

A Jedi Master is someone for whom this understanding has become intuitive and automatic, no matter their surroundings.

All this is to say,

[tangerinesgirl]

Forbidden Fruit

Mr Reed x Fem!Reader

Rating: 18+, explicit

Word count: 1.4k

Summary: Mr Reed invites you into his house to discuss polygamy and the flaws of virginity.

Warnings: smut, virgin/inexperienced reader, age gap (reader is of consensual age), creampie (reader on birth control), dirty talk, blasphemy, possible spoilers for Heretic (2024)

"My question is how do you feel about polygamy?"

The snowfall gently beats against the tiny windows as you nurse the cup of tea Mr Reed has prepared for you. Using it as warmth rather than to quench your thirst. Even if he did seem like a pleasant man, you didn't entirely trust a drink a stranger has made for you in another room. You fear your instincts may be right when he asks you this question.

You place the cup down and clear your throat as you process his personal inquiry.

"Well, it's forbidden in the b-"

"Yes, but what do you think?"

He emphasises that word, pointing his index finger at you, before resting it on his lips, waiting for your answer.

A beat. Your eyes widen as you try to think of a tactful response.

"I um, I can't really say, it's none of my business what other people decide to do with their lives."

Mr Reed narrows his eyes slightly, not the answer he was looking for apparently.

"Hmmm", he takes a moment to have a swig of his tea from his inscribed 'hubby' mug. You look over your shoulder as if his wife would magically appear behind you.

"And I thought it was just because you've never felt the touch of a man."

You snap your head back around to face him, your cheeks instantly turning red.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm sorry, I may have overstepped", he places his mug down and makes eye contact with you, emphasising his apology.

"I think I should leave", you start to get up, your legs shaking slightly from his statement.

"I understand my dear, let me just get your coat."

The couch creaks as Mr Reed also stands up, promptly leaving the room. Walking over to the door you watch the snow hail down. Not ideal biking weather but it's still better than being in here with him.

"Here we go, one coat", he holds up your woolen jacket passing it to you.

As you take it, he starts to wrap your scarf around your neck. You can feel his breath tickling your hair.

"You know", his deep voice echoes in your ears, "many religions don't believe in virginity. The Virgin Mary simply a mistranslation with the meaning changing over the years."

He takes your coat and starts to help you put it on over your arms, patting down the collar, hands lingering on your neckline a little too long.

"I think waiting for marriage is simply outdated, people should just seize the day. Life is too short for their lives to be dictated by an invisible omnipotent force with historic rules."

You cringe internally hearing him blaspheme your religion, you're just about to interject when he continues.

"It's simply too good to miss that closeness of two people becoming one", he walks in front of you as he starts to button up your coat. He looks down at you, still maintaining eye contact every so often while he fastens the clasps.

"The warmth of each other as you melt into one another's skin. The ache in your bones of needing them inside you."

You break the eye contact as you watch the veins in his hands clench with each turn. Your imagination in overdrive, you wipe your palms on your coat, nervously. Mr Reed notices and tilts your chin up to face him.

"The taste of them on your tongue, as you swallow each other's moans..."

His eyes drift towards your lips. Your body is screaming at you to leave, but part of you wants that sin, that forbidden fruit. You wrestle with your demons, but you find him oddly hypnotic and attractive. You guessed he was in his 50s or 60s, definitely older than you in your 20s, but that only adds to the temptation.

"... as everything builds and builds into one big explosion of ecstasy. That white heat of entering Heaven."

Your thoughts start to drown out as your lips crash into his. Head empty as your tongue starts to swirl around his, gripping the back of his head as the kiss grows deeper.

Mr Reed yanks off your coat, buttons popping off onto the carpet, but neither of you care. He breaks the kiss briefly, only to remove his glasses, before resuming with just as much vigor as before.

You can feel that heat starting from deep inside of you, just as Mr Reed was explaining, as you start to remove your blouse and skirt. His hands start to wander around your bra before unclasping the back.

Mr Reed starts to guide you back towards the sitting room as you continue to undress, removing your tights and underwear. You notice he doesn't remove his clothes as you feel the weave of his jumper, rough against your bare skin. You don't mind, you're too busy thinking of other things right now.

He quickly sits down on the sofa, holding your wrist, motioning for you to sit on top of him. Slightly apprehensive about riding him for your first time, you trust him and place yourself onto his lap, and resume the kiss.

Your hands start to pull down his trousers as his cock bounces free. Your eyes widen when you realise how girthy he is, his dick already rock hard and twitching with anticipation. He can't help but smile when he sees your reaction, as gently guides himself through your folds. The veins of his cock drag along your clit as wetness seeps out of you, preparing yourself for him. You hum at the feeling while he contently sighs at your warmth coating him.

After a moment, Mr Reed positions himself at your entrance and gently pushes you by the hips, guiding you onto him. His eyes roll into the back of his head as your cunt engulfs him, fitting around him tightly yet perfectly. You wince at first, but the further you sink down onto him, the better it feels.

You pause when he is fully seated inside of you, feeling his cock teasing at your cervix, before slowly starting to grind on his lap. You place your hands on his forearms for stability, as he starts to kneed at your ass with his fingertips, bruises threatening to surface under his grip.

The sofa creaks with every thrust as you ride his cock, your breasts bouncing with the effort. You let go of him to grip onto the back of the couch instead, his tongue licking at your nipples as you lean over him. His hands start to trail up your back, pushing you slightly closer towards him.

Your lips meet once again, but feels like you've never been apart. Your mind starts to wander again, thinking about what God would think seeing you give away your virginity to the first man to look at you with lust in his eyes. Then you think maybe God shouldn't even be looking in the first place as it's none of his business. You both wanted this, what could be more natural?

As your mind wanders, your body starts to tense up. Your orgasm creeps up on you, before you realise what's happening as your pace starts to stutter. Your walls clamp down around him, arching your back as you let out a guttural moan from deep inside you. You shake and pant as your cunt pulses out your release, soaking Mr Reed's cock.

He isn't far behind you as he leans back and moans in return, releasing warm ropes of his cum inside you. You don't mind as you have the implant, feeling his seed drip out of you and onto his trousers, as you start to come down from your high.

You straighten yourself up, tucking your distressed hair behind your ears, watching him finish inside you. He lightly groans at the effort of filling you, it's almost enough to make you aroused again.

He slowly exhales and opens his eyes. They crinkle as he smiles at you, laughter lines standing out, you begin to memorise each wrinkle. Tracing your fingers along them, almost like reading a palm. Neither of you care that he's still seated inside of you, growing soft. Or that the snow has eased off and your bike was just outside the metal lined walls. Mr Reed grins at the fact he has you wrapped around his little finger, knowing now that you could never leave. Proving that power really is the one true religion.

[aoxizu]

i have another 2.1 character dynamic post in the recesses of my brain but i need to get this out first

star rail's 2.1 update main plotline leans a lot more into existentialism and absurdism than i thought it would which is a really nice surprise

like i thought before 2.0 that at most it was just going to be some "oh no capitalism bad ipc bad cults also bad" thing but honestly what we got is so much more interesting. the spoilers start now

also massive disclaimer i am not a philosophist and actually i really don't like philosophy because it makes my brain hurt and i would much rather just look at logical nice things like math and plants so. if i get anything wrong please correct me

acheron's past and how she became an emanator of nihility reminds me somewhat of the absurdist theme of how people always look for meaning when there isn't any, until they finally realize that the universe is meaningless

and the entire path of nihility basically is a road towards that realization that people tread on, and the difference between the real world and star rail is that in the real world here we have people who will see that and then go write a book about a guy not crying at his mother's funeral, whereas in star rail it seems that just accepting that the universe is meaningless turns you into a pathstrider or even emanator of the nihility (not sure if i remember the details, correct me if i'm wrong)

and then aventurine's whole motivation is trying to understand why the universe is so cruel to him, and to find meaning when you have everything except freedom, both of which are absurdist themes

the leap of faith argument often attributed to søren kierkegaard claims that even though there is no rational logic for believing in god, you should do it anyway because the alternatives are madness, suicide, and ignorance. this was one solution to the problem of confronting the universe's meaninglessness: choosing to believe in a higher being regardless

later world wars i and ii both contributed heavily to the rise of absurdism as people returned from the war, having seen so many others die around them, and then just going back to a normal society with none of what they as individual soldiers had contributed seemingly doing anything. and then it happened again, but on a much greater scale with even more deaths. both wars and the destruction they brought led many people to start questioning why a supposedly moral god could allow this suffering, and this is where camus comes in and says that actually religion and nationalism both aren't good solutions, and instead we should just accept meaninglessness and keep living despite the absurdity

and i think dr ratio's scroll thing kind of relates to that

he tells aventurine to open it when he's about to die, or when he's completely out of answers for the question of how to confront absurdity

and dr ratio's answer for aventurine is to just tell him to keep living, good luck

which is. yeah

it's the argument that there are more answers to nihilism than just 1) going insane, 2) pretending like it doesn't exist, and 3) dying

it's the bold claim that despite everything, you can still choose to live

sure nothing makes sense but that does not detract from your life. it doesn't need to make sense at all

and with the understanding that things do not need to fit our human definition of meaning, we can continue on knowing our true place in the universe

and with that aventurine walks into the very big black hole like look at that thing you cannot tell me there is no symbolism there

let's go back to acheron.

in the part where you get a snippet of acheron's conversation with some guy just before this cutscene, the other party states that "[IX] leave[s] woven strands of fate for humans to walk, and together THEY weave a great shadow...And this shadow silently envelops them."

which to me sounds like a statement on how people across time and space have again and again come to the same question, what is the meaning of life?

and acheron's whole color thing seems to mean that she is one of the few who, after walking so far on the path of nihility, somehow have not died yet, be it from madness or something else

like it seems implied that many many more have seen the meaninglessness of the universe and have not reacted as well as acheron has

ok i have more to say about the elation and how it in turn relates to the nihility but that will have to come later but there is. a lot of interesting things there to explore

once again disclaimer: I Am Not A Philosophist And Do Not Know What The Correct Definitions Of These Words I'm Throwing Around Are. thank you for coming to my ted talk that was more of a longwinded ramble

[romana-after-dark]

Room's on Fire: Pilot

Dark!Santiago Garcia x Fem!Reader Dark!Francisco Morales x Fem!Reader Dark!William Miller x Fem!Reader Dark!Benjamin Miller x Fem!Reader

Also: FishBen, and an assortment of other M/M relationships (no Millercest). Everyone is Bisexual

Series Masterlist: Main Masterlist : MainTaglist

Spotify playlist

Summery: The Delta is a commune in the middle of nowhere established by Santiago's mother. Since Divine Mother's passing in a rebellion a decade ago, Santiago, known as The Pope, and his half-God brethren Francisco, Benjamin and William have ran the commune. Now it is time for them to take a collective bride to breed, to bring the savior into the world.

Warnings and Content:

DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT

DUB CON MOSTLY but there WILL BE NON CON. Major character deaths, forced breeding, physical abuse, brainwashing, manipulation, violence, gore, alcoholism/addiction, BIG OLE BLASPHEMY WARNING like this cult appropriates a lot of religious themes and they call reader their Madonna, Santi is called the Pope, like all that stuff. However, this is a cult so I mean. It happens. None of it are my thoughts on religion or meant to make fun of religion or demonize religious people. Disgusting views on virginity. Attempted rape outside the boys. T*m warning. Age gap. Creepy terrible men. Non-reader rape, dub con, violence.

This is not meant to be a statement about religion, Christianity, or Catholicism, this is simply my take on a cult. I am a religious person. I understand that some of this may be very offensive to religious people so if you don't like thing like AHS Asylum or Black Mass, maybe consider not reading.

"Come on home, girl, he said with a smile You don't have to love me yet, let's get high awhile But try to understand, try to understand Try, try, try to understand That I'm a magic man." ~Magic Man, Heart.

"God dammit Benjamin, what the hell is wrong with you!”

Will smacked Ben upside the head as Frankie chided him.

Ben tried to defend himself. “Hey! You guys act like you don’t sleep with ‘em too, why are you blaming me?”

“You’re fucking a new woman every goddamn week, you have no fucking class, we’re not even supposed to be sleeping with these women,-”

Santiago’s voice, strong and comanding, broke through the bickering. “Gentlemen, please, this is not becoming behavior for Gods.”

With their leader’s command, the other three settled down, Frankie’s eyes casting away. “Sorry, Pope.”

Pushing himself off from the wall he had been leaning against, Santiago walked toward the group. “That can’t be all the options. There’s no way Benny’s made his way through every of age virgin in our compound, we have over 5 thousand people here.”

The men thought through the women they knew, the various families at the massive compound who could accomplish their task. She couldn’t just be a virgin, that was the thing.

They needed their Madonna.

Before her death, Santiago’s mother informed their group that the prophecy would not be fulfilled through Santiago, that he was not the promised savior. Instead, he was destined to lead after her passing and that Santiago, Francisco, William and Benjamin were all demi-Gods. This was a step up for the Millers and Francisco, who had spend their youths in the privileged position of foster brothers to Santiago and living under The Divine Mother’s roof and direct guidance. To Santiago, however, this was a humiliating demotion.

His childhood was never one of whimsy, growing up told that he was a God, that he was the second coming, that he was the savior of the broken, the beaten and the damned… All that changed in his pre-teens. Suddenly, his mother was less pleased with him. His divinity was constantly dangled above his head. When his 20’s came and he failed to be what his mother wanted, she stripped him of his full God-hood.

So why, pray tell, were him and his fellow leaders and brethren searching for a virgin? Since Santiago had failed, they needed to father a new child. A new savior. Divine Mother’s instructions were clear; they were all to wed and breed a virgin from their compound. She was to live in their home as their wife for them to use not only whenever they wanted, but whenever they could. A sacred duty to be fruitful and multiple. It didn’t matter whose child grew in her, as long as there was a child. The world would be saved, and Santiago would earn his mothers favor from the heavens.

So, she couldn’t just be anyone. She needed to be a virgin, pure and holy. She needed to be beautiful, strong, faithful to their ways, faithful to the Divine Mother, faithful to the Pope, William, Benjamin, and Francisco.

“What about Marcus’s kid?’ Will asked, breaking their silence, causing everyone to turn to him.

Frank frowned. “You think the daughter of a traitor is the best option for the Madonna?” The sarcasm was clear. He didn’t like this plan as it was. He didn’t want strangers in their home, breaching security, putting his brothers at risk.

“That might actually be the solution to the problem.” He waited until Pope gestured for him to go on, not immediately shutting it down.

“The rebellion was when she was 12, the interrogations found she had no knowledge of her father’s plans. Ever since, she has been isolated. Lydia says she has caused no problems in the women’s home, been obedient but has no friends, no connections.”

“So you think she’s intact?”

“Santi, I doubt she’d had her first kiss.”

Since the rebellion 10 years ago, Will has set up measures to identify problems before they become something like that, and that meant keeping tabs on people. Single women lived in a few group homes throughout the compound. Each home had prefects that reported to house mothers, and house mothers that reported to Will. Anyone that was of any concern, Will checked in on, that included daughters of rebels.

“And she danced at the fire?” Pope asked, arms still crossed but listening.

Will nodded. “She did. No signs of disloyalty.”

Muttering, Frankie asked Ben if he’d slept with her in recent years.

He shook his head. “Nope. Forgot she existed.”

Frankie watched as Pope thought things through, his mouth shifting.  Frankie asked, “How are the other viable women going to take it if the daughter of a traitor is chosen above them?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Ben said, defensive of Pope. His loyalty to Santiago went above everything. “If she’s the right person, she’s chosen divinely.”

Santiago held up a hand, stopping another argument. “A redemption. She has the option to purify herself from the sins of her father through the pain of childbirth.”

“Biblical precedent…” Will murmured in agreement.

“And if she fails to produce a child, then we can say we were deceived-”

“Like Eve deceived Adam. Damn, Pope, I think it’s a winner.”

Santiago smiled at his fellow leader, clasping his hands together. “Alright, let’s go visit her, make sure she’s suitable.”

*

You were dead. It was over. Lydia had cleared all the other women out of the dormitory room and told you that the Pope and the other divine leaders would be coming to speak privately to you and you assumed that you had slipped up somehow and it was the end for you. You didn’t know what you possibly could have done. You never ever spoke badly about anyone, none the less your beloved leaders! You adored them all, worshipped them as they deserved, as you had Divine Mother…

Had they decided you were too much of a liability after what your father had done? How was that possible, it had been a decade… why now…

You gasp. Fransisco… he was clairvoyant… had he seen into your dream? Had he seen what you saw oh-so often, the dreams that forced you awake crying?

You prepared yourself to grovel, to beg for mercy, to plead that these dreams of fire were not what you wanted, that they tormented you. Would you forever be labeled a traitor for what your father had done? Hadn’t you proved your loyalty to The Delta?

The door opened and you dropped to your knees, silent until spoken too. You can hear Benjamin whisper a damn. The floor creaks in front of where you knelt, arms prostrated out and for a moment, everything stood still. Warm hands were on your chin, guiding you up to see him.

He was so much more stunning up close. You’d heard tales from other girls of the men, of the way they bedded them, how it was glorious, the most holy form of worship to allow them inside you… You had taken note that you had not been allowed that honor, you had accepted it as the punishment for the sins of your birth, you never thought you’d be worthy of close contact, but right now… Pope was touching your face, your chin tucked between his thumb and forefinger; his eyes were so close to yours, his plump lips keep a soft smile. “Do not be afraid, darling girl. If we are correct, you may outshine us all.”

*

“But it is, of course, your choice.”

Your choice…

This phrase was preceded by the reminder that if you said no, there would be no savior.

There was no choice.

“I am a servant to my lords.”

Santiago smiled at that. “Excellent. Now, let’s begin the inspection.”

The what?

“Oh… is it… I swear I am a virgin, I’ve never been touched-”

“I know.” Francisco said. Oh, right. Clairvoyant. “We need to make sure you’re… healthy.”

“Oh. Yes, of course then.”

Francisco undressed you, his calm demeanor and soothing touch eased you as he slowly stripped you of your clothing. He pulled the loose shirt over your body as you raised your hands, the pail bra underneath had a lot of coverage (everything was meant to be practical) but you still felt exposed.

“Just down to her underwear, Francisco.” Will instructed as he watched. Will was a healer, that was his gift.

Francisco pulled down your pants slowly, and you feel eyes scaling you.

“Strip her down fully, Frank.” Ben tells Francisco, and you jolt when you feel his hands on the bare skin on your hips.

Francisco sighs, but Will puts his foot down. “She doesn’t need to be naked, this is invasive enough as it is”

Ben gave a short laugh. “More invasive than fucking her.”

“BEN!” All three of them shouted, discomfort and fears coursing through your body.

“Pope, she’s shaking.” Francisco asserts with his hands on your shoulders and you watch Pope give Ben a look.

“You behave, your brother knows what he’s doing.” He turns to Will, jerking his head at you. “Handle it.”

Will approaches you, his hands on your face. He holds you different than Pope, more firm, more all-encompassing. Will’s hands were larger, and he placed them at the side of your head, like he was holding you together. “Hey, it’s alright. It’s like a medical examination, okay?”

You nod within his grasp. “Okay.”

He smiled at you. “Good girl. I’m going to touch you, just stand there and take it. Trust me.”

You did. You’d follow him anywhere if he spoke like that. His hands move down your neck, slowly over your shoulders and down your arms, sending a chill through your body. He squeezed your hands. “Doing so good princess. Gonna check your backside now, can you straighten up for me?” You square your shoulders as he walks around, towering over you. You lock eyes with Ben; he looks hungry, like he’s ready to pounce but smiling at you with his boyish charm you can’t help wonder what that pounce would feel like. Ben had slept with almost every girl in your dormitory, and you’d been privy to all kinds of colorful descriptions as you overheard girls talking. Not to you. Never to you.

Will rubbed his hands together and breathed on them to aid the warmth before placing his fingertips at the top-most part of your back. Slowly, he dragged 8 fingers down, applying pressure, sending a tingling down your spine as his fingers traced it. “Excellent posture, just need to check a few things.” His hands went back up, fingers bracing at your sides as his thumbs searched certain spots, rubbing over aching parts of you with pressure, but not pain.

“Got a few knots.” Will comment’s, and you turn slight back towards him, suddenly scared.

“Is that a bad thing?”

“No, no. Nothing to worry about. Just means you’re stressed. It hurt there sometimes?”

He continued massaging you, your next words coming out with a moan. “Yeah.”

“I know it does, sweet girl. Don’t you worry, I’ll help you take care of that. You will be my wife, after all.”

The thought brings a small smile to your face. The smile falters when his hands wrap around your front, William’s body pressed up against your back. His hands are pressing into your stomach, making their way up until he cups your breast, a small groan escaping his mouth that had somehow found its way into your hair.

“She likes that.” You here Ben say, drawing your attention, his grin made you swell with pride. You’d spoken with him before; Benjamin knew all the women. Still, he never chose you to bed and you had thought you weren’t appealing but now, now you see it. Now, as Ben began to touch himself over his pants as he watched his brother examine your body, you realize you were meant for a higher purpose. You were being saved, protected, put on a pedestal for this moment, to be the mother of their child, to be their Madonna.

Will continued him ministrations, soft grunts as he ground his hips into your ass. You can se his eyes are locked in with Pope. Pope, is watching the scene with hooded eyes and parted lips. With a soft but powerful moan, Will stilled behind you, panting a soft kiss on your neck before his fingertips trails your panty line. “Now, for the vaginal exam.”

All the pleasure you felt stops, your body freezing up again. “B-but, you said I wouldn’t-”

William turned you around to face him. “I have to check out your privates, gotta make sure you’re safe. It’s just me, it’s just external, don’t worry. We’ll face away.” He knelt down.

You were acutely aware your ass was still out for the other men when you heard Ben groan when your underwear is pulled down, the distinct sound of him summoning Francisco, who had been quiet so far, and the unzipping of pants.

“Goddamn…” He says, notching your legs so they spread and lifting one foot so it is resting on his bent knee. He touched your sensitive skin. “Pope, you gotta see this… the girls wet.”

“But-” I wanted to protest that he had said it would only be him, but there was no point. Soon, you’d be married, and they be able to have you as much as they wanted.

“Holy shit, she’s dripping…” Pope marvels as the slick running down your thighs.

Will continues prodding at you, fingers running through your glistening folds. In the background was a sound you couldn’t quiet pinpoint, and something that sounded like kissing, but who would be kissing? There was only Ben and Francisco there. Will dips his finger slightly inside your hole, making you gasp.

“Careful.” Pope warned. “She needs to stay intact.”

“I know.” Will groans. “But she’s so fucking tight, Pope.”

A muffled but strong groan behind you, and Pope looks like he’s about to fall apart when he pulls away.

“William, Franisco, Ben. Go to Lydia, tell her the wedding will be at her next ovulation.”

The men reluctantly made their exit leaving Pope alone in the room with you. He pulled up your underwear and pants before helping you back into your shirt. “You are perfect.” He grabbed your face again, pinching your chin and guiding you to look up at him. “Pack only personal items. You’ll have new clothing, everything will be taken care of. From now on, as long as you are what we need you to be, whatever you need, you’ll have.”

He leans in and you open your mouth to him, beautifully alluring, gifting him your first kiss and the spark was ignited. He was everything now.

“My Madonna.”

WE'RE LIVE! So excited to do this, I was a little too excited, I didn't wait until january like i said lol. After this I'm gonna try and finish Blessed be the Fruit and Awakening before going forward which shouldnt be long

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Special thanks to my BELOVED @hon3yboy for encouraging me so fucking hard with this series!!! she is so wonderful and has written great work including WEREWOLF MARC SPECTOR!!!!

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[skaldish]

What would you say to someone that says something like "I'd rather study hard science than believe in myths made by humans"? Obviously it was a conversation about spirituality and religions and this person very clearly has put science in the place of God, but I'm really speechless when something like that happens.

(it might be a bit of a useless question, I apologize)

I guess it depends.

In my experience, most people dig their heels really hard into "science over religion," as a reaction to something that came up inside them.

For people with religious trauma (whether they recognize it as such or not), hearing someone talk about religion can recall the memory of how it felt to have religion overpower them. When someone says something like the statement you mentioned, it's to reinforce their own sense of agency in the face of that bad somatic memory resurfacing.

Even if such statements are intense, they're rarely actually personal; they're a reaction to the memory, not a reaction to the present conversation.

In these situations, I actually reply with something like, "Yeah, I don't blame you. The way Christianity works has major issues." Or say things like, "I mean, whoever believes mythology literally comes from the mouth of the divine clearly doesn't have their head on straight."

I say these things because it helps people get out of that defensive mindset. When it comes down to it, a big reason why a lot of folks are uncomfortable with religious talk is because they've experienced people trying to convert them that way.

But when it becomes clear to them that I'm not wholly uncritical of religion, it opens the door to further discussion about it, especially if the topic moves away from "our individual beliefs" and towards a discussion about the meta of religion and spirituality; how it functions as an anthropological phenomenon.

I've actually had long conversations with atheists about it. Many of them do in fact have thoughts on the matter and will avidly get into it, and it's during these conversations that I'll offer disambiguation about religion and about science as it comes up. And it really just is disambiguation; I'm not actually trying to persuade them of any one thing or another.

Keep in mind though that mileage varies. Even if you were to engage the person you mentioned this way, you may not be able to point out they're just substituting God with science. This would shed light on the fact they're still thinking like a Christian; that even though their thoughts have changed, their pattern of thinking has not. And if they haven't come to terms with the existence of that thought-pattern yet, then the act of pointing this out will only make them mad.

But I think this is where my advice sort of runs dry. It doesn't really feel invalidating of my spirituality for someone to come at me with a hard "science-only" stance. That's because a) I love science, and b) my own spirituality is not based on "having faith" in any way, so challenging my faith doesn't actually do anything because I don't believe in anything without evidence.

When people bank hard into atheism, my reaction is generally, "Well yeah, that's a reasonable response to have to religion kicking the shit out of you." It's only when an atheist is being an asshole to me because I have a spirituality do we have a problem.

[ladyhindsight]

I admit I was ignorant on the matter but now that I know more about Israel and its army, I can't help but see the similarities between them and the Shadowhunters/Nephilim. I always wondered how could CC hail a society of child soldiers that forces assimilation or violence on anyone that opposes them as heroes.

And her obsession with European features and how all characters of color are half white and change their last names (super common practice in Israel). They either assimilate to the European/Nephilim culture, or they're demonic beings that want to kill the heroes.

Sarah J Maas too, and her obsessions with imperialism = good! colonization = good!, if I grow bored of ruling I'll go on a colonization spree to bring culture to savage people! (Idk if you've read her books)

I'm jewish but I grew up in a mixed family (of ethnicities and religions) and my jewish mom is an atheist who taught me Zionism is a racist, fascist ideology so I always avoided Israel like the plague. I regret staying ignorant for so long and not educating myself sooner. Now that I have, I see works by Jewish authors in a different light. And it makes me nauseous 🤢

During the early years of the series publication Clare’s biases were especially well out there, pretty implicit in her writing. There was the mess with the “I think” post, her favoritism of specific appearances (that to this day apply!), the favoritism of the Nephilim in general—the whole character of Jace Herondale himself! It’s not at all unfounded idea that what you said could be true. The same themes certainly are present in her works.

(I haven’t read anything from Sarah J Maas, but I’ll take your word for it.)

The whole series pretty much—including the child soldiers—romanticizes war. The true and heavy losses are not focused on (Max, anyone?), are brushed aside if they do not serve the anguish of a main character, death in battle is trivial if it is either the nameless/minor characters or the bad guys dying. But it could be a more general problem with young adult literature as well, not excluding that.

It’s rather unfortunate for Clare’s actual and true fans that she remains silent. I haven’t seen or found any statement from her. One TikTok commenter said that they needed her “to be one of the good ones.” It’s sad that her supporters who pour their heart, love, time, and money (!!!) into her and her works have to teeter on the edge of uncertainty because she is saying nothing. Clever really, being silent as if trying to play both sides in order not to alienate or lose either side of her fan base (and I don’t even know what other people) as if people will forever be satisfied with not making a stand of any kind.

Clare is a New York Times best-selling author, multiple times over, she has a platform. She has the platform to amplify the voices in Gaza, to condemn the action of IDF, even as little as to show support for the innocent civilians suffering in inhumane conditions, but it seems there’s nothing. I obviously can’t say what she could be doing that is not public, but if you’re doing charity or giving aid to the people—a big if since what do I know what she really thinks or does—it’s still strange that you wouldn’t share that at all.

Don’t be too hard on yourself and shame yourself for not knowing sooner or not knowing better earlier. There’s ton of things around us—media most of all—that might affect the amount of information people even receive about this, or any issues around the world. A lot of people, including myself, learn more and more over time, and the point is learning and becoming more aware of the absolute tragedy and horror that is happening in Palestine and has been happening for decades already.

[davekat-sucks]

"I can tell you're lying about being raised in a Christian cult because you believe the vast majority of Christians support gays. Either that or your neurodivergency is flaring up again" Uh, ask most Christians about what the bible says about gay people and they will say "The bible says not to judge others." They might not support or approve of homosexuality, but they have come a long way in accepting gay people. I'd say it happened after pulse. I saw a lot of churches change their tune about how they talked about gay people. Maybe they still are homophobic but they don't feel comfortable sharing that as much as they used to. The people who talk constantly about not liking gay people are some dudes on the internet who are antisjw, and yeah there are christans that spread hate but they're the kind of person who latch on any excuse to hate on women or gay people. Religion is just convient for some assholes to justify their dumb ass slock. And holy moly... is this guy forgeting that muslims in some places will FORCE gender transitioning surgeries if a boy is caught having sex with a guy. It's become a girl or die over there. I support talking about homophobia and trying to find solutions to change people's hearts and minds on gay people but lets NOT act like american christians are honestly that bad. The west have made long strides. We should be proud of the people who see past their own disgust or hatred. That's what change really is you big goof ball! Encouraging people to be kinder and showing them the error of their thinking. IF WE BLANKET STATEMENT SAY MOST CHRISTIANS ARE BAD YOU'RE MAKING IT INTO SOME SELF FUFILLING PROFECY! Have some faith in the people around you. Christians are way kind! Darkest point of my life I had Christians help me out and they did everything to make me feel welcome. They were inspired by their faith and they wanted to share the love of God they felt with others who were in need. Don't judge any group by their worst.

A lot of people in this new gen are really ignorant about the other countries, their stances on different religions, and their customs & beliefs being far worse compared to US. To have the change, will take a lot more than just posting about activism on the Internet. Remember when segregation was a thing that they had to have separate churches because think that black people were not mentioned in the Bible. But as time went on, everyone can be under the church of God regardless of skin or race. We learn and move on to be better. And that's what happened for LGBT. We just have to ignore the bad ones out there. Display and show the actual kindness people are doing instead of glorifying the bad ones. I'm glad that you, Anon, have found wonderful people. Cherish it and be sure to do the same for others when they are need. Christian or Catholic (as the latter is from my grandma's side), I would prefer either those because JW doesn't change. It's stagnant in its beliefs. And if you try to point out some of its mistakes or errors it done before, they will try to use the whole 'Humans were born of sin, so it's natural. But THIS TIME, Armageddon will happen for sure for real source trust Jehovah....' I mean, JW is the same religion that thinks the US Government is gonna kill their asses later down the line.

[bg3fandomcritical-active]

No one was saying that but responding to the other anon that said his “libertine” persona is his actual self when the game makes it very clear it’s not. I think you both are confusing anons. And the epilogue does show a different Astarion.

If that’s not what the original anon was trying to say, then fair enough.  It did feel like they were dismissing a fairly accurate description of early game Astarion, as well as tropes that are definitely relevant to his characterization because it’s not where he ends up on one of his paths.  But I also didn’t take the original libertine anon as saying that Astarion’s Act One persona was his actual self. Anon messages are truly an awful way to discuss media. I'm two seconds from adding a signature.

"Ingrained - look up the word" 

Firmly held and difficult to change…I know what it means.  I’m using it correctly.   What do you think it means?  Astarion’s belief that people with power can do what they want, and that it will provide him safety and freedom is absolutely an ingrained belief and his main motivation for most of the game.  That’s why it’s a big deal if he opts out of the ritual.  That’s why it’s character growth. I like Astarion, I like spawn Astarion.  If that wasn’t clear enough, I am fully aware he’s capable of growth and no where did I say he wasn’t.    I just don’t think he’s going to drop 200 hundred years of bad habits overnight, nor do I think the game shows him doing that.  I think if the game did do anything that drastic it would feel kinda corny. Because I have, in fact, played the whole game.

 Why is acceptable for Lae to drop her whole religion and way of life but him changing is not? 

See previous statement, also I don’t actually think Lae’zel changes that much.  She drops Vlaakith, because the lich queen is objectively lying to her, but she does sort of hurl herself into a fresh new cause with a similar fervor.  A better cause, sure.  But, unless you convince her to stick around in Faerun, she’s still kinda doing similar things. 

Also the topic also wasn’t about Lae’zel, so, why would I mention her?  There’s way too many people responding to my comment and saying mostly the same thing.  So, to be clear, I'm not saying Astarion doesn’t experience character growth, or anyone else.  Or that experiencing character growth in a narrative is bad.  And I don’t know why that was everyone’s take away, because it wasn’t the point I was trying to make.  I think they all have the chance to experience plenty within the narrative.  I was trying to say It’s disingenuous to act like the flaws and motivations they have in act 1 don't matter when discussing a character, or associated tropes. Or that they don't persist even after characters have growth. And that if the characters were written to be entirely different people post a big character moment, that would be bad writing, and a bit silly.

.

[implausiblyjosh]

While I'm waiting for certain Wikipedia things to calm down, I'll repost a cohost post of this little "roundup" of things I saw on Wikipedia last month-ish. Whoever it was that said you should look at drama surrounding wikipedia's admin noticeboard if you wanna get the rush of seeing convoluted drama that doesn't really matter… you were really onto something.

Time has passed, so here are some incidents I’ve found fascinating. Talking as vague as possible so spots are not blown up.

First: weirdness around BYU Wikipedia editors. There are people at BYU paid to edit Wikipedia, and of course there are conflicts of interest at play because, of course, they will edit pages about Mormonism and do apologetics about Mormonism. As far as I can tell, it's part of the paid job to get students to edit in topics about Mormonism, and it seems like it also is about getting paid to edit in topics about Mormonism. It’s pretty cut and dry here, at least to me, that something’s gotta be done about these editors. The position at BYU is inherently a big conflict of interest on it's face, and it’s even worse that one of the editors this current incident revolves around was against providing any statement that showed they worked for for BYU and were giving tips on how to get around Wikipedia Conflict of Interest policies to other BYU people/students.

I thought it was strange that this topic cannot seem to find a consensus on if there is a conflict of interest, let alone providing any path forward on what to be done about said conflict of interest, because it's been brought up repeatedly in my handful of months reading these posts/notices/whatever and it seems to be in-line with some changes that were made around Conflict of Interest policies and Scientology in the past. The big reveal of the true depth of the weirdness this time is that a majority of the people who have been pro “paid BYU editors making clearly conflict of interest edits on Mormonism related pages, no conflict of interest should be even acknowledged let alone dealt with” now and in the past have, themselves, not been open about their own ties to BYU. And they're being flippant about those connections now that they've been revealed.

I find that one fascinating because it should have been clear-cut from the start, to me. If this person is getting paid to edit Wikipedia by an organization (BYU) that is one of the many arms of a specific religion (Mormonism), they should be disclosing those conflicts of interest as bright as day at the very least. That they've pushed back on making those types of disclosures (until now, because they're about to get in trouble lol) while also teaching other people, seemingly students, how to get around conflict of interest policies shows they cannot be trusted. Now that it's been revealed that there's a bunch of people who have been muddying these waters intentionally and that these people have ties to BYU, who did not disclose those ties until damning evidence of the ties came up, it tells me that there definitely needs to be much larger action taken.

Second: some guy was warned/blocked/barred/restricted from making specific edits centered around a controversial event in some person’s life where they said something sexist. They’re now actively and purposefully getting around those restrictions because they think the controversy should be written about in such a way that makes it seem like no one thought the person said something sexist, and that no one thinks they've ever been sexist ever. Basically walking right up to the "only hysterical people could believe they said something sexist" line without crossing, and trying desperately to push consensus towards that line. Crucially, for what matters to wikipedia and the culture they attempt to cultivate, this person cannot be talked down and refuses to be talked down from this position. They've basically admitted they believe anyone who disagrees with them is wrong, and they will keep working at this until what they see are right is pushed through. They only consensus they will acknowledge is one where they are in the right. Despite the fact that this person is admitting to getting around blocks to push their point of view, it was like pulling teeth to get consensus on the idea that more should be done to keep this person from continuing this behavior.

I found this one fascinating because it very culture-war-y, and while there is new culture war bullshit going on, it seems like sometimes old culture war battles still go on forever. It was revealed at one point that this editor blogged extensively about how the person totally wasn't being sexist and it was all blown out of proportion when this event happened, and now almost 10 years later the guy is still at it.

Third: Guy has a history of being a generally good long-time editor, except for the last two or so years where they’ve just... lost it? Just being a big asshole. Constantly trying to tell people who disagree with them that they are breaking the rules, citing rules and policies at people like a fucking TTRPG rules lawyer, but also seemingly has a self-inflated grasp of the policies, they keep making weird changes around conspiracy theories and defending conspiracy theorists, and they keep trying to imply any disagreement with them is also just like government censorship by death squads.

That's all kinda run-of-the-mill online nonsense to me. The actual interesting thing to me is that, now that the consensus is that this person needs to be stopped, the person has pivoted suddenly to "actually, all this is causing me real-world, physical pain when you disagree with me when I'm clearly the only correct person here". All of a sudden decided to deploy this when the tide very clearly turned, and it's so silly to see how opportunistic it is.

Genuinely reading these has been so interesting to me. I've never wanted to edit Wikipedia less than I have in these past few months lmao.

[vividstardustrevolution]

I think that generally speaking, everyone can change for the better. Some people will struggle to change more than others, and some people take more time than others, and some people can only change certain things they do and not others. Some mindsets are harder to change than others. That's okay. There's a reason why I try to be patient with people in my life who misgender me; I know they're trying, and I know they accept me, but they're just not used to my name and pronouns. I know I struggle to change a bit too, but if someone explicitly tells me, "Hey, this hurt me, and here's why; can you please not do that?" I will try my best to fix my behavior and try to figure out what to do differently.

The problem is that some people refuse to change their behavior, and they refuse to acknowledge they're wrong or that their actions were even hurtful. Some people insist they can't change. This isn't tied to a specific group of people, by the way; people can be like this regardless of what their political views are, their religion, their race, their gender, their age, their disability status, and other things. This refusal to change is part of why I'm no contact with my parents; they refused to even try, and they doubled down when I called them out on it.

It's important to be able to recognize the difference between someone who, as that one meme goes, "[is] a little confused, but he's got the spirit" (or she, they, or whatever pronouns someone uses) and someone who pretends to be confused about why you're mad and refuses to change their behavior. It's important to recognize the difference between good faith and bad faith statements and questions. It's important to know when someone is on your side or is working on their biases and is just struggling with the words or saying things exactly right (like, if someone doesn't know that trans people can be nonbinary or nonbinary people can be trans, they're probably on your side if you're nonbinary and trans, but they're just a bit uninformed) and when someone says they're on your side but will never be on your side. (If they say they're a safe space/safe person to talk to but make it clear they won't accept you unless you conform to what they want, that's a big red flag.)

But yeah.

(Also, do not tag this post any variation of "narcissistic abuse." That's not a thing, and this post isn't about pwNPD. It's about recognizing when someone is abusive or when someone is toxic and refuses to change, which are both things someone can be regardless of what disorders they have or don't have. If you do tag that, I will block you.)

[stickystarspectrumtroll-ocs]

pinned post ask game for allets and eliote: 🔮 ⚠ ♿ 💢 😒 ⛪ 📺

🔮 - Your character is having their future told by someone pretty shady. Do they call the fortune teller out or just roll with it?

Eliote absolutely 100% calls them out.

Allets tries to hear them out while also taking what they say with a grain of salt.

⚠ - What has your character almost done that made someone talk them out of or convince them not to do it?

Allets definitely eventually gets up to wanting to do / trying to do SOOOOOOOO many hairbrained schemes and ideas that reasonably a person ought to be talked out of or convinced not to do. Y'know, demon-summoning, raccoon-domesticating, breaking-and-entering, etc. Eliote and/or Finley definitely try for a bit to talk her out of it, but end up going along with it a lot of the time.

Eliote, it'd have to be something like pulling five consecutive all-nighters to work on something, or fortifying the house to a truly insane degree with like SO many locks and traps and electric fence type stuff.

♿ - Is your character in some way handicapped? (This includes physical, emotional, and mental.)

Eliote definitely has PTSD, quite possibly also anxiety and/or depression. Also insomnia.

Allets, there's probably gotta be some kinda CPTSD in there. Anxiety is also extremely possible. I'm also considering whether autism and/or ADHD makes sense for her, not sure.

💢 - What frustrates your character more than anything?

Allets: Failure to do things comes to mind. A lot of the time the feeling that comes with failure for her is shame, and sometimes fear, but there are probably some times where there's frustration. Apart from that, all that comes to mind is just. Mean, snippy people.

Eliote: She gets frustrated by SOOOOOOO many things. A very big one is definitely forced positivity though. She HATES that with her entire being, and the more of it one throws at her the more bitter and grumpy and angry she gets in response.

😒 - “Ugh! Not him/her/them/it again.” How does your character react to annoying people?

Eliote glowers and snarks and snipes and generally makes it very bluntly clear how annoying she finds them.

Allets tries her very very hardest to be polite but it is Painful. Once she makes friends with Eliote and Jewel and Luna she does at some point get to a point where she's able to complain about people to them though. Only to them. Still gotta keep her thoughts to herself for everycreature else.

⛪ - Is your character religious or spiritual in anyway?

Eliote's parents might've believed in and practiced some religion in a low-key but very wholehearted way. She might've hung onto a little of that.

Allets...I'm having a hard time deciding whether her parents are like, devout christians who drill some of the most toxic ideas peoples get out of christianity into her, or whether they generally consider religion to be stuff and nonsense. Whatever religious or spiritual beliefs they have get drilled into Allets, but she never really resonates all the way down with them. She'd probably be agnostic really, and probably find it interesting to learn about different religions. And tbh I think she'd kinda vibe with satanism really sdlkjflkXD

📺 - What would your character’s favorite TV show be? What’s their favorite genre?

I think she'd really really like Over The Garden Wall. And also The Owl House. There is SO much that would resonate hard with her about The Owl House. Also, while this is technically a Netflix show and not a TV show, I think she would LOVE Centaurworld. Also, while we're on Netflix shows, She-ra would DECIMATE her.

As to favorite genre of media, I think honestly horror would be up there. She'd have a very deep fascination with horror. With all things spooky, occult, grotesque, and/or nightmarish. I've thought about the OC squad listening to TMA before, and I see her as being the one who'd most get into relistening to episodes for the statements and not just the plot or characters.

Eliote...it's honestly hard to say if ANY of the shows I watch (or know anything about) would be her favorite show. She-ra (though, again, not a TV show) might be a possibility? Precure? Infinity Train? Not sure. Allets would probably get her to watch Centaurworld and she'd probably wind up enjoying it a lot more than she anticipated. I think that might be up there.

As to genres I honestly have no idea sdlkghsdg;kjs;k

[psychelis-new]

Hello again, lys! I’m here to give feedback on my personal reading. It’s quite long, sorry about that.

First of all, I absolutely love how you communicate with people and how you voice your thoughts and give advice to people reaching out to you. I love reading your thoughts on life, tarot, divination or any other topic to be honest.

I agree with your thoughts about the journey of life , how we shouldn’t stress over the things that we have no control over. I keep trying to remind myself that life is not a race in which we have to reach certain milestones in a certain time, but it’s kind of hard for me to live by this statement. I’m a college student right now and I feel like everyone knows what they want, what goals they want to achieve so this feeling of being lost really takes a toll on me sometimes.

If we move onto the reading, I think the reading corresponds with what you said at the beginning. I’ve been living some kind of an identity crisis for a few years now and I think it’s related to my upbringing. One of my parents is a bit restrictive and as I grew up, my perception of life strayed away from theirs. I have been wanting to make some changes in my life according to my own understanding of life but I keep delaying out of fear(?) of their and my extended family’s reaction. I have never make and act on such a big decision on my own like this before so I fear doing something “bad” too (It’s a bit of a religion thing.). This could be the throat blockage you have talked about. You have also said that I’m already on a path right now, this may be about college or my interest in writing which I stopped practicing but I am wanting to start again. Fear and anxiety have been controlling them both for a while now.

I don’t know about the transformation and the cycle I’m ending but you already pointed out that I may not realized it. If it’s about the things I mentioned, it’s possible for me to not understand the entire process of change as it’s been going on for a long time period.

All in all, the reading really resonated with what I feel like I’m going through. I’ll try to not run away from new experiences and learn to trust myself about my own life.

Thank you for your time, your encouragements and insightful words. It is always a delight to read them.

Have a nice day, take care.

Hey, thanks a lot for sending your feedback, it's very appreciated! Thanks a lot also for all the kind words you had for me.

You know, many of us pretend (or think) they know what they want to do or who they wanna be, but from the thought to actually taking action, there's a huge difference. And tbh, even if some of them already have a clearer idea than yours, you should not compare your life with theirs. You're at your own point in life, and they're at theirs. It's fine to not have all the answer for your own life while others may have found theirs for their life. We are different people here for different reasons on different paths, and not all of us can really clear their life in 18 years or less, not all of us heal the same way (or heal at all). It's okay if you need more time to realize what you want: don't let society, anyone else or your upbringing make you feel like you're any less for this cause you're not.

You know what is funny? I have not mentioned that in your reading but I kept hearing writing (this also to say, as a reader, I do have doubts too about the messages I get... I'm human). So I guess that's indeed a path you may need to try and walk on again, maybe also to free yourself from this insecurity and fear of betraying, disappointing or upsetting (you choose the level of the emotion) all the ones around you. Which is not a thing. Sometimes we may have to hurt and disappoint someone we care for, but it's for a very good cause: our own happiness. Some people may not get that what they like and "impose" on us, may just not be for us; some people may need to actually see that we're happy in another way, to understand. Some people may not realize that the way they treat us as children can really have a toll on us as adults, just because they've been growing up under the same toll and never really stopped to realize it (different sensibility or different level of hurt: we're receiving a trauma transformed through more generations). This fear you feel btw, it's ofc normal if you've grown up in such a strict environment. And trust me, I know well how it feels and how scary it is also to just try and take a decision for yourself while waiting for someone shouting their anger at you cause you're wrong (in their eyes): but you know what? Many times this is a fear that's mostly in our mind, that we create for ourselves and not a real one: they may not be reacting as we fear, at all. I know it's terrifying and stressing to walk on eggshells but you don't have to do that. Remind yourself that, despite their actual reaction related to what you want to do (be it anger, control or judging), it's not your problem: it's very likely their trauma talking, and it has nothing to do with you and your life. Idk if it's only a religion thing here or also this, it could be both. But I hope you find ways to come out of your shell, little by little. To find some clarity and courage just by coming back to the things you like doing. Have no fear of writing. Writing is so freeing, especially journaling :) And I can tell you too as I really like to write on my other blog (where btw you may even find something that can help you cause it's mostly self help and things I'm trying to realize myself/learning).

I think the cycle ending in your reading may refer to this identity crisis you've been experiencing lately. You'll probably find your way out of it. You know, when we change the most we're not aware we're actually changing. We realize we have changed only after we've done with it, only after we're out of the storm. So I hope you can find your way out of your storm soon. But again, do not rush things. Take your time, respect yourself and appreciate who you are, even if you feel like you're not quite there yet. I'm not either, you know? And I've been out of college for a while. And we're not the only ones :) but we'll get there too, at our own pace.

I guess a long feedback required a long reply :D All the best, really. Take care<3

[off-topic-ig]

Long post incoming!

TL;DR I had a shitty transphobic therapist and I'm glad I didn't let her turn me into her.

I felt this way with one of my past therapists. I mentioned that I dated a non-binary person and she just went on a big transphobic tirade about "gender confusion" bullshit, pushing cis-het normativity on me. She also tried to push religion on me after I told her I wasn't religious.

Towards the end she told me "I can tell you don't know who you are, and I can tell you don't like yourself." And that statement was and still is not completely inaccurate. I've struggled my entire life with depression and self-loathing.

But here's the thing. I may not know who I am, but I know who I'm not. I'm not her, and I'm glad I'm not like her. I may have hated myself, but in spite of that I had enough self-respect to see past her bullshit and recognize what she was doing, and it pissed me off.

She was trying to deconstruct me and reconstruct me as she saw fit. Trying to take away my sense of self and turn me into a clone of her by forcong her worldview on me. Trying to make me a bigot just like her.

Well she made one mistake. I may hate myself, but I hate transphobia more. I have a sibling who at the time, recently came out to me as gender-fluid. And let me tell you, my sister is my best friend and I would take take a bullet for her.

I didn't say anything. I'm a very non-confrontational person, always have been. But not a day goes by where I don't wish that I had blown up on that shitty therapist. I fantasize in my head about standing up to her, standing up for my beliefs, standing up for my queer friends and family, standing up for myself. I fantasize about calling her out for being a bigot, for pushing a restrictive, oppressive worldview on me and who knows how many other patients.

I came to her because I was broken. I was depressed and needed guidance. I needed help. I was in a place of deep vulnerability. She recognized that, and chose to take advantage of me. Not sexually or anything like that, but psychologically, she wasn't interested in helping me, she was interested in converting me to her cause. One that hurts people. People I love and care about. She forced her beliefs on a vulnerable person. She abused the inherent power imbalance of a professional and a patient for her own ends.

I was broken. I was broken and she took advantage of me.

But a broken blade is still sharp.

Sharp enough to cut through her bullshit.

I may not know who I am, but I know who I'm not. I'm not like her. And I'm proud of that. And the fact that I struggle so much with depression and so rarely feel pride in anything should show you how strongly I felt about that.

Funny thing is, I think she actually did help me, just not in the way she thought she would. Sometimes we need a villain to fight against. Sometimes evil inspires good. I still don't fully know who I am, but I know what I believe in. And I partially have her bigotry to thank for reinforcing my beliefs.

Trans rights are human rights, non-binary people are valid, it's okay to be exploring your gender and sexuality, love is love, queerness is natural.

Mental health matters and if you're feeling depressed you should see a therapist, I wanna be clear that I'm not anti-therapy. But not every therapist is a good therapist that has your best interests in mind. Recognize when a therapist isn't for you. You owe it to yourself.

Sorry for the long-post, but I saw this and I wanted to tell my story. I think about that session a lot.

But anyway yeah.

Trans rights. Fuck the establishment. Thanks for reading.

^-^

[asonthis]

As he's deep inside me, he whispers "you're taking it so well" while he kisses my neck and lets out a little moan as he thrusts a bit deeper. I can feel him with every cell of my body and soul. He reconnects me back to life when he calls me a "good girl", continues with "you're such a good girl, you just feel amazing around me" as I tell him "you're so deep inside me, ahhh" and as I try to speak he puts his big hand on my mouth trying to gently shut me up. Him making me stop whining turns me on more and I accidentally moan a bit harder, which in turn turns him on more. He starts to go faster and deeper, until both of us are panting and he tells me he's gonna cum if we continue with this pace and we need to calm down a bit. My response to that statement is to fuck him harder, getting him deeper inside me, and I tense up and release a few times until he starts whimpering and telling me he's gonna cum. He finishes like a beautiful angel, moaninh and shaking and losing control of his functions, while I grip hard and do not let him leave, he tries to make me stop so I make the most out of the time I've got to make him as sensitive as I can, that was my goal all along, to see him vulnerable and in my hands, because let's be honest, he's too good to release back into the wild.

After he's done cleaning himself and disposing of the condom, he comes back to me, finding me on the bed waiting for him to use me more. So he starts by putting his fingers in his mouth, wetting them in the sluttiest way imaginable and starts rubbing them on my already sensitive and needy pussy. He can tell I want more and more and so he starts rubbing it a bit faster then slower, while I catch my breath, he then starts kissing me all over, starting from my breasts, sucking them in such a way that I get more turned on by the second, waiting eagerly for when he makes his way down my body. He starts by giving me a lick, a tease, an intro. I tell him how beautiful he looks when he's kissing my thighs and licking me all over. After testing the water he starts by going up and down, side to side, making sure to get every nook and cranny, deepens his tongue in my hole then when I moan he gets more excited so he licks his fingers again and goes right in, I'm sensitive, my clit is throbbing and he tells me I need to take it because that's what good girls do. He decides to finger my needy little pussy as he's giving me head, sending me into a different dimension. I start shaking uncontrollably, he bites my clit and I moan very loud, all the while he's figured out the right angle to use me as a toy and make me whimper and cry, using his tongue to flick me up and down and in circles, using his two large fingers to rotate inside of me and I start begging him to stop, pleading for relief, a release, but he keeps on getting more invested and fucking my every overstimulated area harder until I break. And when I try to break free, he holds me down and goes harder.

He finally stops, I'm dripping in my own juices, he removes his fingers while giving a few last flicks which make me shake and then he sucks on my clit one last time like it's his final meal and puts his fingers in his mouth licking off all my juices, tells how good I taste and how could eat me forever. I call him my little whore for how well he treats me. He gets a bit confused by my comment, taking a step back, but he doesn't need to know more about how good he's behaving and he starts preparing his cock to enter me once again, i let out a little sigh of joy because I get to experience it again, as if his cock is my religion, my all, my light.

He goes in gently, looking straight into my eyes, smiling, he turns me on by pushing himself deeper to my breaking point, he pushes in and in and I almost let out a scream because he's in too deep, he asks me if I'm feeling okay, after checking starts slowly stroking himself with my pussy, gentle slow strokes, puts his body weight on me, legs up on his shoulders, I try to distance myself because he's so deep so he pins both my hands on the bed as he starts vigorously taking me. I black out from pleasure, only moaning involuntarily, hoping he never stops because it feels just that good when he's fully inside me. I tell him this is probably my ovulation speaking but I would have his kids, insinuating him to cum inside me. I feel so proud of myself for fulfilling his needs. I will do as he pleases. He tells me how good it will feel when he finishes deep inside me.

We switch positions and I ask him to try spooning and fucking me at the same time, intrigued by my idea he turns me to my side and after slapping my wet pussy and testing his fingers inside me for good measure, he finally puts all my miseries out. Deep penetration, him holding on to my soft body, caressing my stomach as he feels my stomach grow and his thrust getting deeper. Slowly but steadily increases the speed, unable to control myself I start shaking on his dick, he grabs me by my hips, fucks me unconditionally and fully, and out of my mouth come the words "use me", and "use me for your pleasure". He takes it in and starts breeding my body, holding on to my chest and pulling me closer, almost as if we merge, he tells me he's close and I start pushing myself into him more, when finally he tames my body and cums inside me. We stay there for a few minutes until we gather ourselves while he's still inside me. We cuddle in that position because it just felt too good to move.

[forensicated]

04x15 - Trespasses

Man: Where's Sun Hill? Mike: 'Tower Bridge and turn right'

Pete is sitting outside a newsagent when he receives a call from new PC Claire Brind who is on CAD asking him to go check out a report of noises heard coming from a bin. It's thought to be a cat that's gone missing nearby.

Tom cheers up the mood in CAD by telling them of a former custody Sgt from a nearby police station who retired months ago after 30 years of service and has just died from a thrombosis. Malcolm smirks to Claire that when he's the first black commissioner of the MET he's going to turf all the grumpy buggers out of their nice warm CAD rooms and stick them back out on the streets again. Tom states he's not complaining, he's only pointing out that every other long-serving officer who retires dies before they've managed to get the first payment of their pension. He claims Malcolm will be out of a job before he's 30 because they'll have run out of caps big enough for his big head. Christine asks if everything is alright. "No, Ma'am, he's harassing me." "Well somebody has to do it, Haines!" she replies.

Pete meets the lady who heard the noise. She now thinks it's more human-sounding. Pete climbs into the bin and finds a newborn baby has been dumped down the rubbish chute. He rushes the baby to the hospital. "That's it you little beggar, you keep crying. Don't want you dying on me!" As he drives off, a young brunette is watching him.

Taffy and Ken are on the way to a church that has been broken into and a large brass lecturn was stolen.. It's the fourth church in recent weeks. Taffy thinks it's especially wrong to steal from a church. He's not religious but he likes to know that religion is there. Ken says he is but he goes to house groups rather than churches and that he's a born-again Christian when the shifts allow.

Pete talks to the baby as he drives them to the hospital whilst Claire and Malcolm toss possible theories about who could have dumped the baby and why they'd do it. "Quiet! Oh now you've upset my wound...." Tom moans, trying to hear what Taffy is requesting. He's asking for SOCO and Dashers to attend the church.

Pete screeches to a halt outside the hospital and hands the baby over to two nurses, telling them that it stopped crying approx a minute ago. A doctor is waiting with an incubator and they lift the baby straight into it with Pete looking upset. "Is it gonna be alright?" he asks as they close the door in his face.

Pete waits in the hospital. "Still waiting for her to make a statement are you?" a nurse smiles at him. He's surprised to hear it's a girl. "Can't you tell the difference?" "I don't look unless I'm asked." The nurse says she's poorly but stable and is a good weight.

"My name's Pete... ever go out with coppers?" "Not until Christmas. I'm on double shifts."

Ted doesn't see what he can do for the baby as it's not murder or manslaughter and CID are short-staffed. Mike details what has been stolen from the various churches. "Perhaps they're setting up a church of their own..." Jim muses.

Claire tells Viv that the baby is just a day old, complete with after birth and a poorly cut cord so the mother could be in a state too. Claire hopes that she bleeds to death but Viv points out she could be a runaway or a prostitute who had no other option. Christine sets Viv and Pete on house to house at the estate to see if they can find the mother. She gives Claire a rather disapproving look, having heard what she'd said. It's still 50/50 if the baby will survive.

Reg and Alec talk about the Sgt who passed away and Reg asks him if he knew what killed him. "Scotch and bitter...?" Alec suggests. "It's shift work, it's cocking up our circadian rhythms!"

Mike visits an antique shop to ask about the church items as the first church's stolen items turned up there. The owner claims he only bought them because he knew they were worth 10 times what the man wanted for them. Dashers warns him that he might be done for receiving stolen property next time as he clearly knew the man was up to no good from his "Shifty and nervous" description.

Jim is annoyed that a group of children are entering the church as he arrives to look it over. Yorkie tells him it's Saints Day's service for a local school and he's got to wait until it's over. It's not due to finish until 11. "Being CID I don't have an hour to waste!" Jim growls, leaving. Yorkie is rather amused and 'waves' Jim off when he says not to let 'the bleeders touch anything!'

Taffy asks Ken what they do 'at his groups.' He tells him that they sing, worship, chat, and read the bible. They're interrupted by the radio as Malcolm gives them a burglary in progress. "We know there's a God, Taff. And we know there's suffering, but we know there's joy too." "Oh... Great." Taffy responds.

Taffy attends and stops a rather well-to-do woman who is climbing down a set of ladders from a bedroom window. She won't let Taffy look in her bag but explains that her solicitor told her she has the right to force an entry to regain her things because her ex won't allow her to. She claims she used to live there 'until I couldn't stand it anymore'. She tries to make a run for it but Taffy and Ken won't let her and escort her down the station. "I shall sue you for this!"

Reg continues telling Tom, Malcolm and Claire about the shifts playing havoc with their bodies "because you can't tell your body that it's night when it knows it's day." Malcolm points out that, as collator, Reg now works permanent days. "It's too late now, I'm irreparable damage." He says to smirks from the others. "Over 100 shift changes a year? No wonder coppers drop dead as soon as they stop."

Mike leaves some church items in Reg's office incase he's out so the vicar can identify them when he arrives. He then asks Jim if he found anything out from St Mark's. Jim tells him he couldn't get in because of a service. "Didn't uniform tell you?" "Yeah... sorry." Mike beams.

A 5th Church rings Sun Hill. 2 men have arrived and one fits the description of the man who was reported to have sold the church items to the antique shop man. Alec Peters is on his way to deal - much to the amusement of Mike. By the time he gets there, they have gone but the woman doesn't think anything is missing. She hasn't checked the vestry yet however so takes Alec to do so. Inside he finds the men have gathered items to take and one is hiding inside a wardrobe. He arrests him - he's a known burglar. The old lady spots the second making a run for it with her hoover. Jim arrives at the right time and chases him up the bell tower which doesn't strike me as the best idea. The thief realises this and gives himself up.

Bob's desk is full of items from the lady's bag; including pieces of underwear. Her solicitor isn't in his office and she won't give anyone else's name or her new address to prove her identity. Bob won't let her go until she's proved who she is. She threatens him that she's going to sue him too.

The church burglars thought the churches had to give to the poor(!) "No one said burglars had to be clever." Alec shrugs. The lectern proved to be more trouble than it was worth given the weight and it's in one of their back yards.

Nothing has been found from the house to house about the baby's mother. Viv tells Malcolm that Pete 'has been wetting himself the entire time we've been out' about the baby. Pete protests that it was Viv who was worried. It's obvious from his reaction when he hears that the baby's getting stronger that that isn't true! Pete's made up! The smile leaves his face however when he hears that Malcolm is taking the nurse he spoke to early out on a date on Saturday! "They're calling the little girl Petula after the sweet man who brought her in." "Could be worse..." Christine muses. "You could be called Wilfred."

Reg protests about the lectern being placed in his office. Alec calls Tom over to look at it and he exclaims. "Ah, the eagle has landed!" Alec bet Tony Stamp that that would be the first thing Tom said and he's now a fiver better off!

[the-faramir]

Erika Blume

For a Shadowrun campaign that was set up sometime around 2005, but never actually made it past Session 0.

I am Pope Erika, Princess of Chaos, Bearer of the Golden Apple of Eris. Fear me.

I was born in May of 2034 in the megatropolis of Seattle to a rather wealthy family. My father is an Executive Director for one of the Computer Science organizations at Renraku, and my mother is a Director in a different organization under Consumer Goods. Not quite execs, but not wage slaves, either. Big bucks, though. With two semi-bigwig parents, I needed to watch my back. Prime kidnapping target, y'know. My "Uncle Tanaka" (not related in any way, but more of a combination of bodyguard and father figure since Papa-san was always working late) taught me all I know about unarmed self-defense. Well, let's just say I didn't practice a lot. But Tanaka-san also taught me how to shoot. Pretty well, really. I favor the semi-auto guns, personally.

I grew up spoiled, I'm sorry to say. But as a kid, I knew nothing but the high-powered lifestyle. It was all "The Corp is your friend. You can trust the Corp. Trust only shaikujin; trust nobody outside the Corp. Blah, blah, blah." Whatever. I didn't know any better. I had been planning to go to med school and become a Doc.

My education in the School of Reality came to me gradually over time. I always did well in my classes without really trying. That left lots of unused study time to dedicate to looking through the open data networks. Extra-curricular research. I found some interesting things:

The megacorps really run everything. That was no secret. But the megacorps are all run by a secret organization called the Bavarian Illuminati! Some group called the Discordian Commandos has been investigating this situation for years, and I've read a lot of their files.

Wicca is empowering. I met many Wiccans online and they've taught me a lot. It turns out I have a lot of magical healing talent. Wiccan practices help me bring them out.

Discordians are fun. They fight the power. They oppose the Illuminati. Discordianism is a joke disguised as a religion. Or a religion disguised as a joke. Or both. Fnord.

So my parents found out everything I was researching online. They didn't like what "I was into." My "lifestyle choice" didn't fit in with the Corp lifestyle. So they threatened to yank my trust fund, blast libellous statements to all of my top-choice schools and kick me out onto the streets if I didn't "shape up" by the next sunset!

Blood may be thicker than water, but money is thicker than blood. (Um, if money were liquid or something. Whatever. My parents were willing to kick me out rather than stir up trouble with work.)

So that night, I rounded up everything I could to bring with me to survive. A duffel bag of clothes. My armor-lined duster and my twin Heckler & Koch HK227s and all the ammo I had saved up from my lessons. My athame, my electronic Book of Shadows, and whatever ritual items I had squirreled away. A first-aid kit (because you never know....). A lunch cooler chock-full of my favorite gourmet goodies, including my last two packets of Tim Tams. And those bastards FROZE MY BANK ACCOUNT, so I only had a few nuyen in a wallet to take with me (but I grabbed a fistful of nuyen from the cookie jar on the way out).

"Funny how the Arcology security guards never ask questions when you leave. They just make it really hard to get back in. No matter; I'm not coming back. Even though it's awfully dark out here. And those Orks in tattered leather jackets are looking at me kinda funny.... I'd better find a safe place to sleep for the night."

So now the year 2053 has just begun. I found a new job working for a small, independent "investigation" business in the outskirts of Redmond. That's far enough away from home to avoid notice, but well within "striking distance" of the megacorp targets. This company seems to have no direct ties to any megacorps. I hope I'm right. Anyhow, they hired me because they like my healing skills. I guess I'm a lot cheaper than a Docwagon contract. Plus, I can shoot a gun.