#i'm not trying to be pointed or trying to attack anyone

[sanguineterrain]

holiday spirit | jason todd

Summary: Stuck at a shitty office party for your shitty job on Christmas Eve Eve, you’re at your wit’s end. The last thing you expect is to play vigilante for a night with the Red Hood.

Pairing: Jason Todd x fem!reader 

Word count: 7.2k

Warnings/tags: panic attacks, reader has anxiety, creepy coworkers, office party shenanigans, canon-typical violence, jason being both a menace and a sweetheart, attempts at humor, fake relationship, silliness!

the divider

You’re grateful for a reason to escape. Someone announces that the lights on the obnoxious eleven-foot Christmas tree are burned out and you’re already on the elevator, volunteering to find spare lights. 

You hate these office parties. They’re just a way to play politics, show off fiancés, and reaffirm cliques. You wanted to skip it all together. But Mr. Emerson, your boss, had insisted that attending tonight’s party was mandatory.

Alma had told you about a hundred times to skip tonight, but Alma’s worked here since the Reagan administration and has too much pull to be fired. You, conversely, have been here eight months, and if you get fired, your next job is going to be as a henchman for a B-list Gotham villain. 

Being painfully ordinary and anxious is a toxic mix. Your doctor still thinks all your worrying is because of your menstrual cycle. He doesn’t believe in work-related stress.

So anyway. You’re just trying to get through tonight. And find some tree lights that work. 

You unlock the spare office where all the holiday junk is stored and turn on the light. 

The motherfucking Red Hood looks at you, one leg dangling outside of the window and one leg inside the office. He unclicks his harness. 

"Oh my God,” you say, hand frozen on the light switch.

Red Hood pulls his leg in from the window and steps into the office. He puts the harness in a duffel bag and roughly zips it, then tosses it unceremoniously onto the floor. 

"Oh my God.”

He glances at you, helmet eyes glowing. "No God here, just me.”

"Oh my God," you say again, near hysterics. "Oh my God, Red Hood."

"Always nice to meet a fan," he says irritably, brushing snow off of his jacket, flashing his holsters. Oh, fuck. That's a lot of guns.

"What, um—" You close your eyes, lick your lips, try to find your sanity. "To what do I—why—are you gonna kill me?”

"The fuck? You think I'd sneak into an office and kill someone in cold blood? What kinda operation you think I'm running?"

Your mouth opens and closes in horror. "Wh–I... I don't—I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you, Mr. Hood."

"Please, Mr. Hood was my father."

He laughs. You taste bile in your throat. 

Hood sobers. "Damn. Tough crowd. Look, sorry to freak you out, but I got shit to do. If you'll just point me to Hershel Emerson's office, I'll be on my merry way."

"That's m-my boss. Are you gonna kill him?" You can’t handle murder tonight. You’ll have a breakdown for sure. 

"Literally, what did I just say?" Hood throws his hands up. "Not one minute ago. I'm not killing anyone!"

"Yet?" you ask weakly, mind inundated with too many mob movies to watch your manners. You know what the Red Hood is all about. Everyone does. 

"No. I'm not killing Emerson. But he is a bad dude, so I gotta take care of business. Actually, I should kill him. He deserves it."

You squeak in horror. He raises a hand.

"But I'm not!" he says gruffly. "Respectfully, get a grip. You live in Gotham."

You swallow. "What're you gonna do to my boss if not kill him?"

Hood shrugs. "Eh, maybe scare him a bit. Mostly get intel to take him down. He's currently sitting on five million dollars of stolen life savings from clients."

You blink. "What?"

"Yup. What I really wanna know is which of his employees are in on it. He didn't do this alone."

Hood takes out a small roll-up pouch of what looks like lockpicking tools. You release your sweaty death grip on the doorknob, causing it to squeak. Hood doesn't look up.

five million dollars is ringing in your head. That happened here. Where you work. Your boss is even scummier than you thought.

“Is that a lockpicking kit?” you ask.

“Yup. Good eye.”

"This seems... illegal.”

"Well, I won't lie to you, most of what I do is. You won't be implicated though.”

He looks at you. You flinch. Even with the lights on, the Red Hood is scary as shit. 

"Yeah..." he says, shaking his head. "You wouldn’t do well in prison. I can tell."

Your chest hurts. "I don't think anyone does well in prison," you say, eyebrows scrunching. "Have... you been to prison?"

"Only to break out a friend. You ask a lot of questions."

"Sorry. Um, Mr. Red Hood—"

"Ah-ah. Call me Red. Or Hood. No Mister-ing."

"Okay.” You lick your lips, hoping he doesn't go back on his temporary no-kill policy. “Hood, do you think you could come later? After the Christmas party?”

He tilts his head at you. You keep talking. 

“Not that I don't admire what you're doing! Because I think taking down my boss for stealing money is great, eat the rich and all that, but, um, I came up here to get lights to replace the ones that burned out downstairs because that's a normal thing that happens and now you're here, at my job, and I'm freaking out. Oh God, oh my God—”

You grab the wall for stability, feeling like you've been rocking on a boat for hours. Sweat beads on your forehead. This time, you really do feel like you’ll throw up. Throwing up in front of the Red Hood would be humiliating. 

“Look, I got shit to do, okay? I'm sorry you're freaking out but your boss is gonna cash out in a few days and then I lose him and that five million. It's now or never."

You should've just stayed home and baked cookies. Fuck being social! This is what happens when you're social: you meet morally gray vigilantes who force you to be complicit with their crimes.

Your cheeks feel wet. Are you crying? Maybe it’s sweat. 

Hood points to the hallway. "Is there a camera outside?"

"Y-yeah.” Your voice is weak. “I think I’m having a heart attack. Can you call security on your way out?"

“Does your left arm hurt?”

“No, but—”

“Are your limbs stiffening?”

“No, but—”

“You’re not having a heart attack. Your speech is fine.”

Hood takes out a few more things from the duffel, then kicks it under a desk with his foot. You wheeze and grab onto the doorknob again. 

It’s quiet for a second. Then— 

“Shit. You're having a panic attack,” Hood says.

"Mm, probably," you say, hunched over like an armadillo. Fuck your stupid doctor. 

There's silence as you wheeze quietly. Then something small hits your head. You flinch and squeal.

"You don't need to throw things at me!" you say, beyond defeated, near tears.

"No, I wasn't—sorry. It's a Warhead. I have one when I'm feeling… not my best. They're s’posed to help occupy your other senses so the panic disappears."

You stare at the candy, confused and suspicious at once. "Is it spiked?"

"Again, what sorta operation do you think I'm running? It's not drugs. Look." Hood unwraps a Warhead and sticks it in his mouth underneath his helmet. You hear him suck on it. "Eesh, that's sour. Okay? No drugs."

So you take the candy from the floor, unwrap it, and pop it into your mouth. The sour taste immediately overwhelms you. It's like your brain resets. You pant through the sour.

"Ough," you say, face scrunching from the taste.

"Yeah, right? Life changing hack."

You suck on the candy desperately and close your eyes, trying to find your breath. 

“It’s okay,” Hood says, stilted and awkward. “Just, uh, focus on your breathing. Exhale longer than you inhale. Breathe through your nose.”

It takes another few minutes, but the feeling passes. Your chest lightens. It’s the quickest you’ve ever recovered from a panic attack. 

“I was just kidding about the prison thing,” Hood says. “You’re not gonna go to jail ‘cause of this, I promise.”

Yeah, but what if you lose your job?

You spit the Warhead into a trash can and smack your tongue a bit. “Are you sure you can’t come back tomorrow night?”

“No can do,” Hood says. “Your boss will be gone by then.”

“It's just that I'm really bad with keeping secrets and according to Google, that's how ulcers form and I really can't afford any sick days off, so—"

You yelp as the door suddenly swings open, hitting your shoulder. You spin around.

"Hey," Bill says, squinting at you. "Where have you been?”

"No!" you yell, and turn off the light. 

Bill stares at you, illuminated by the hallway light. “Uh…”

You clear your throat. "Ahem. I'm fine. It's just taking me a moment to sift through all these decorations. Please return to the party.”

You hate Bill. He’s a sleaze and doesn’t do any work. More than once, he’s trapped you by the water cooler in a conversation about his “smokin’” imaginary lawyer girlfriend.

“If you wanted me to come help you, you could've just said so," he says, reaching for the light, way too close. You don’t like his tone either.

"No!" you yell, blocking the light switch with your hands.

"What the hell? Why not?"

"Because—"

There's a creak from the back. You wince. 

Bill immediately whips his head toward the sound. "Is someone here? Hello?"

He reaches for the light. Again, you block him, swatting his hands away.

"Would you stop—is someone here?"

"My boyfriend!" you blurt.

Bill stops, looking at you. "Your boyfriend? You've never mentioned a boyfriend."

"Well, I have one and he's here."

"Okay. Why can't I turn on the light and see him?"

"Because he's... um..."

You spot the red Santa suit out of the corner of your eye. 

Oh, this is a terrible idea.

"He's changing! He's our Santa for the party. Surprise!" You make weak jazz hands.

Bill looks into the dark where you're pretty sure Hood is hiding. You hope, anyway. Otherwise Bill is going to tell everyone that you're making up boyfriends. "Really?"

"Yeah, really," comes Hood's unmodulated, deadpan reply, and you jump. "Don't turn on the light. I'm naked."

"Oh..." Bill looks queasy for a moment. "Uh—" He looks at you and suddenly grins. "Oh, I get it. You two were having fun before going to the party, huh? Didn't know you were such a wildcat."

"That’s disgusting,” you say. “I would never do that in the office.”

Bill wiggles his eyebrows. "Me-ow. Does the Santa thing turn you on?"

"I'm right here, Bill, and naked or not, I'll kick your ass," Hood says.

Bill pales and quickly backs out of the room. "Right. Sorry. Uh, carry on."

He closes the door. You push your back against it and exhale, heart racing.

"Bill is a shithead," Hood says. 

“How… do you know his name?”

“Employee background check,” Hood says mildly. 

"Oh… yeah, he's been written up a bunch of times for inappropriate behavior, but he's close with Emerson, so he never gets fired."

"Want me to kill him for you? Free of charge."

"What? No! Hood—"

"Oh, relax. I was kidding."

"Uh-huh." You turn on the light. Hood has his helmet on, and his voice is modulated again. "What're we gonna do?"

"Well, I'm gonna go make sure Hershel doesn’t fuck off to Bermuda. The lights you wanted are here, by the way."

Hood tosses you a box of multi-colored tree lights. Then he walks toward you. You plaster yourself across the door.

"Wait! You can't leave. I said that my boyfriend is going to be Santa. Bill will tell everyone. They’ll expect you.”

"I appreciate your quick thinking, but that's a hard pass,” Hood says.

"You can't leave now! Bill's gonna tell everyone I'm a liar and they'll think I was up to something worse in here, like snorting coke."

"I mean this gently: I think you should look into anti-anxiety meds. My brother swears by Xanax.”

“My doctor won’t prescribe it to me,” you say glumly. “He thinks my anxiety is made up.”

“Huh. Want me to kill him? I know a better doctor.”

"Well…” You hesitate, then shake your head. “No! No. Hood, please. They’re all gonna expect a Santa. And when I don’t show up with Santa, they’ll remember that I didn’t participate in White Elephant or any of that other office nonsense that I don’t want to waste my money on. I need this job!”

“They’re not gonna fire you for not doing White Elephant,” Hood says. 

“You don’t know them! It’s a popularity contest.”

But Hood is indeed disinterested in the fact that you'll be the office pariah. Probably because he’s never worked in an office. 

Instead, he ushers you aside without a struggle. Then he turns the doorknob.

"Wait! Wait, listen. If you dress as Santa, you'll have access to the party and offices. You won't have to sneak around. And people get really drunk at these. They'll talk. You can figure out who's helping Emerson steal money."

His hand pauses. He looks at you. You look back, wringing your hands.

"You're pretty crafty," he says. 

"...Thanks?”

Hood releases the doorknob. "Alright, fine. I'll do the Santa shtick.”

“You will?”

He tilts his head. “Should I not?”

“No! No, you should. It’ll be a good disguise.”

He hums. “Sure. But we're in this together now, got it? You blow my cover and we both go down."

"Y-yeah, got it."

Hood heaves a gusty sigh. "Next time, I'm sending Roy in to do this shit."

"Who's Roy?"

"Ah." He holds up a finger. "Too many questions."

He makes a beeline for the Santa costume and then looks at you expectantly.

"Yo. Boyfriend or not, you're not watching me change. Guard the door, Mrs. Claus."

"Oh, right. Sorry."

You turn off the light and go into the hall, shutting the door behind you. It's empty, luckily. You rap your fingers on the box of lights, leg jiggling. 

This is insane. You should just tell Hood you can't do this and let him figure out his own plan.

But then... this would make it easier to find Emerson's crime partner. And you're really sick of Bill being a jerk. You don’t want to be called a liar, or get iced out for the rest of your time here because you didn’t bring Santa. Maybe having Hood be your Santa-boyfriend would make people leave you alone. Which is a crazy reason to stick to this plan, but still. You're trying to find the bright side.

And all those people that Emerson stole from... surely, you have a responsibility to help get their money back and bring him to justice, don't you?

The door swings open. You turn around.

“You wear a mask under your helmet?” 

“As a precaution.” He sounds defensive. “Lots of people in my profession do it.” 

You doubt that. “Don’t you think it’ll be weird if Santa has a mask on?” 

He hesitates, evidently debating between protecting his identity and arousing suspicion.

“Fine.” He carefully peels off the mask and tucks it into his pocket. The surrounding skin is slightly pink from irritation. His nose and cheeks are dotted with freckles. 

And wow. The Red Hood has beautiful eyes. So vibrant and clear, like seafoam. And young! How old is he, anyway? He doesn’t look much older than you, if at all. 

His eyes are framed by thick, dark lashes, and it makes sense, Hood being a brunet.

“What?” he snaps, glaring.

“Nice eyes,” you blurt.

His brows furrow. You remember the guns.

“Um, anyway. Should we go?” you squeak out, backing away.

Hood huffs through the beard. It flutters. "We need to have some ground rules."

"Okay."

"First, you should know that I will shoot if there's a physical threat at this party. Two, you're gonna call me Todd at the party. Three, if you try to tell anyone that I'm Red Hood or that I'm taking down Emerson, I will make your life hell. And if you're his partner, you'd better tell me now or I'm gonna be a lot less jolly."

"I'm not!" you say. "I would never do that. And I won't tell anyone you're Red Hood."

"Good. Let's go. Keep your ears open for hints about Emerson's partner."

He takes off in long strides. You hurry to keep up. The Santa costume doesn't slow him down.

"So how did you find out that Emerson's stealing?" you ask.

"Got a tip. You really didn't know he was stealing?"

“I don’t have access to the finances. I work in user interface. Website design.”

"Yeah? That's pretty cool. I got a brother who's into that stuff," Hood says.

"The same one who takes Xanax?”

“Would you believe it?”

You try to picture Red Hood with a regular family. With a brother or a sister or a father. It's hard to imagine.

“How come you don’t take anti-anxiety medication?” you ask. 

“I have Pit Madness Syndrome, and it has a weird chemical reaction with that stuff.”

“Oh.” Subject change. Quickly! "Do you celebrate Christmas?" 

"Not really. I'm not a believer or celebrator of much. You can see what my plans are two days before Christmas."

"Your family doesn't celebrate?"

Hood just grunts, eyes suddenly stormy. You take the hint and stop talking.

The room where the party is isn't particularly special. It's big enough to fit about a hundred people. For all the money the company makes, you'd thought that they could afford to splurge a little and rent an actual hall. Now you know what the profits have been going toward. But the decorations are decently lavish.

"Oh, wait." Hood leans in to speak in your ear. Lightning shoots down your spine. "I don't know your name."

You give it. He repeats it, and you shiver, like your boyfriend just said your name.

"'Kay. Stay in this room. We don't know how much Emerson or his partner knows, but assume they’re willing to do anything to get away with the money."

You nod. “Got it.”

“Hey, it’s Santa!” Bill shouts from across the room. “He made it!”

You smile tightly. “As promised.”

A few people wave. Others cheer. 

“These people really like Christmas, huh?” Hood asks.

“You have no idea,” you say, hyperaware of his hand brushing your back.

“Don’t think I got your name, man,” Bill says as he approaches. He sticks a hand out. “Bill.”

“Todd,” Hood says, taking his hand and shaking. Bill winces at the handshake. You hide a smile.

“Ah, Todd. Right.” Bill looks at you, trying to subtly soothe his hand. “You’ve never mentioned him.”

You shrug. “Never came up.”

“I’m pretty private,” Hood says, putting an arm around your shoulders. “But we’re very much in love. Ain’t that right, baby?”

“Th-that’s right… honey,” you say, face going hot.

“So what do you do for work?” Bill asks. “My girlfriend’s a lawyer.”

You roll your eyes. Hood snorts.

“There’s no way you’re dating anyone. You look like you got dressed in the dark, Billy.”

You cough your laugh into your arm. Bill’s eye twitches.

“Enjoy the party,” he says icily. He glares at you, then stomps away.

“That was amazing, but I think Bill might retaliate,” you say. 

“Don’t worry ‘bout him,” Hood says. “I’ll take care of it.”

You look at him with big eyes. “Hood—”

“Not like that. Just… it’ll be handled. Okay?”

You nod. Maybe it’s insane, but you trust him. “Okay. Want some punch?”

Hood hums. “No alcohol. Thanks.”

You go to the punch bowl, a little relieved to escape Hood’s piercing ocean-eyed stare. He’s intense. Whoever dates him for real is in for a ride. 

Then again, you can’t imagine Hood meeting someone for coffee or dinner. You giggle at the image of him showing up with his guns and helmet. 

“Hey, IT.” A woman in a white sweater you’ve seen maybe once waves at you. “Cool idea, bringing a Santa.”

“Yeah, Emerson’s too cheap to,” the man next to her says. They laugh.

You smile. “Glad you like it.”

You serve yourself two cups of the alcohol-free punch. Then you turn. 

Your smile falls. Across the room is Hood and Tanya Donaldson, resident shit-stirrer. She’s trying to cozy up to him. You sigh and walk over, bracing yourself.

“Hey, baby,” Hood says, practically dragging you into his side. He takes a cup of punch. “Just met Tanya.”

You can guess exactly how he feels about that.

"Oh, is he your boyfriend?" Tanya asks, eyeing Hood like he's a slab of steak. “I had no idea!”

"Uh-huh," you say. "This is Todd."

She wiggles her fingers, grinning. “So how often do you go to the gym, Todd?” She rests a hand on Hood's arm. "I didn't know Santa was so big and broad."

Your gaze drifts to where you're pretty sure Hood has a gun strapped to his ankle, and the temptation does appear, you won't deny.

But you need this job and it's going to be really hard to explain why Santa's armed and dangerous, so you just grit your teeth. Tanya's the worst for this kind of behavior and she doesn't respect you, so bringing your hunky boyfriend is like dangling a bunch of carrots in her face. 

And it’s not like Todd is actually your boyfriend. 

"Are you flirting with me in front of my girlfriend?" Hood asks, prying her hand off of his arm.

"Flirting?" She claps a hand over her mouth, the movement slightly delayed from all the wine. "No, oh my God! I was just saying—"

"That's really pathetic," Hood says. "Don't do that."

He walks away and you follow, leaving a wobbly Tanya on her own. You smile to yourself.

"Thank you for that," you say.

Hood gives you a thumbs up. "I can plant evidence on her and get her fired if you want."

"No, I don't want to feel damned for eternity. Thanks anyway."

"You have a lot of assholes at your job," Hood says. "But you're not one. I admire that.”

You sigh. "They're not all bad. Alma is cool. She keeps me from quitting.”

"And where is she?"

"At home. She's a sixty-two year old accountant who doesn't care about these parties. Her hip aches when it's cold."

"Mm. Maybe you should follow her lead," Hood says.

"But then who would help you with your spycraft, Hood?"

He allows himself a tiny laugh at that. You wonder how often he laughs. If ever.

“Well, suffering Tanya wasn’t in vain. She said this whole party cost twenty grand.”

“So?”

He gestures grandly. “Does this look like it cost twenty grand to put this together?” 

It's true. The alcohol is the most expensive thing here. No food, except for some people that participated in the potluck, but you don't trust anybody's food here. The decorations are old. Not to mention the Red Hood as your Santa. Your boss might have spared a thousand for tonight. No more. 

“So where did all that money go?” you ask. 

Hood snaps his fingers. “Bingo.” 

“That is so shitty. I got a chocolate-covered pretzel as my Christmas bonus,” you say. 

“A bag of ‘em?” He shakes his head. “Pretty cheap.”

“Ha, no. No, I got one big pretzel. In a box. The box cost more than the pretzel, I think.”

His eyes widen. “Jesus. Even I give more than that to my guys.”

“Got any openings?” you ask, half-joking. 

Hood snorts. “Don't think you'd like what we do. Why d’you stay?” 

You shrug. “Nowhere else to go. I have to eat somehow.” 

“Crappy boss, crappy coworkers, no Christmas bonus. Hell, I feel sorry for ya.”

The Red Hood feels sorry for you. Perhaps you've reached a new low. 

He drinks the punch and coughs. “Ahem, wow. Did you make the punch?”

“No, some people mixed it here.”

“Oh, then I'll be honest. Tastes like a flavor that's not found in nature.” He throws his cup away. You trust him and set your still-full cup on a table.

“I won't even mention the potluck,” you say. 

“Yeesh. Can't eat at everyone's house.” 

“That's what I say!” 

He winks at you. You look away, flustered. 

The crazy thing is, you could get used to this. Well, not specifically Red Hood, but having a boyfriend to bring to these functions, who’ll warn you against gross punch and defend you against Tanya. 

And Hood is surprisingly good at this. If you forget the past hour, you can almost pretend that this is just another office party that you happen to be spending with your new boyfriend. 

"Hey, look! It's Santa! Dude, check me out with Santa!"

One of the finance guys who's very drunk—you want to say that his name is Matt—bounds up to you and Hood. Hood tenses, reaching for his hip (gun!) and you touch his elbow, reminding him to relax. He drops his arm. 

Matt reeks of alcohol, the front of his shirt stained with bourbon. He laughs, forehead shiny with sweat.

"Santaaa, hey, Saint Nick, take a pic with me, man!"

Matt throws his arms around Hood. Hood does not like that and shoves him off accordingly. But Matt doesn't seem to notice and holds up his phone, camera facing front. Hood slaps the phone out of his hand.

"No pictures," he says.

You wince. The guy stares and blinks, taking three to five business days to process what just happened.

"What the fuck, man? That was my phone!"

"Sorry. I'm drunk." Hood sighs like he's physically in pain, then leans back and makes drinking motions with his fingers. "Fuckin' wasted! Did you try those rum shots? Lit, dude!"

The guy cheers up, forgetting all about the phone. "Oh, yeah, for sure! I'm gonna go get one right now! Thanks, Santa!"

"You do that!" Hood says cheerily.

As soon as the guy leaves, Hood returns to his resting scary face.

"Wow," you say.

"I know. I threw up in my mouth a little."

You laugh. Hood grins. Then it fades.

"Damn it. We're getting no closer to finding Emerson's partner. I should just interrogate Emerson until he tells me."

Interrogate makes you feel woozy. You're pretty sure you know what Hood's idea of an interrogation is.

"Wait! We just need to lure them out. If they think their money might be in jeopardy, they'll sneak out of the party to go check on it, right?" you ask.

"Potentially, yes. But how do we lure 'em?"

"There's an alert if someone withdraws more than ten thousand dollars from the company. But I don't have access to the accounts," you say.

Hood smiles slowly. "You don't need it. Remember I mentioned my computer whiz brother?"

"Yeah…” You grimace. “This sounds illegal again.”

"Hell yeah it is. He owes me a favor too. Lemme call him."

You two go off to the side while Hood dials.

"Yeah?" comes a voice on the other end. He doesn’t sound at all like Hood, more like a one percenter from the Diamond District. This is Hood’s brother?

"Aliases only. I need you to withdraw fifty grand from Emerson Corp,” Hood says. 

"Why?”

“‘Cause you owe me a favor. Just do it.”

“Zombie breath.”

“Shortass,” Hood says, voice taking on a distinct older brother tone. 

“You’re such an asshole,” the voice says. He yawns. “B’s wondering if you’re coming tomorrow.”

“I’d rather die again,” Hood says. “And you can tell him I said that.”

“The broody emo bullshit is getting old, dude,” the voice says.

You giggle. Hood looks at you sharply. You press your lips together, properly chastened. Sorry, you mouth.

"Who's that?" the voice asks.

"No one," Hood says. "Did you do it?"

"Chill out. I'm getting past their firewall. So who is that?”

“It’s the TV,” Hood says.

“No, it’s not. That was a lady's laugh, IRL. And you wouldn’t lie if it was someone we know…”

“Mind your damn—”

“I’m helping him with a case,” you blurt. 

Hood throws his hand up, glaring at you. It’s silent on the other end of the phone for a solid ten seconds. Then…

“Holy shit,” Hood’s brother says. “You do have a girlfriend. Wait. Hold on. This is wild. You don’t even have a social security number.”

“I do not have a girlfriend!” Hood snaps, drawing the attention of some coworkers. You nudge him. He exhales through his nose.

“I don’t have a girlfriend, you little fucker,” he says, quieter. “She’s telling the truth.”

“Can I ask your girlfriend a question? Respectfully, what were you thinking? You can do so much b—”

“Text me when it’s done,” Hood growls and hangs up.

You look at each other for a moment. 

“You didn't hear any of that,” Hood says. “Got it?”

“Got it.” 

“Good. Let's see who gets scared. He should do it right about…” 

His phone beeps. You look around the room. 

Soon, your culprit reveals himself. Matt!

Holy shit. 

"He didn't want a picture," Hood says slowly. "He was frisking me! Motherfucker."

"But isn't he drunk?" you ask.

"No." Hood sighs in disgust. "How did I miss that? Br—someone I know does that all the time, spilling alcohol on himself so he smells like he's been drinking. God. Oldest trick in the book!"

"Do you think he knows you're the Red Hood?"

"No. But he might suspect something. Let's go.” 

You follow Matt out of the party. He's walking fast. Yeah. Definitely your guy. 

Down the hallway, Matt turns around and makes direct eye contact with you. You panic. 

“Hood!” you whisper. 

“I know,” he says. “Follow my lead.” 

Loudly, he laughs and puts an arm around your waist. “C’mon, baby, no one’ll know.”

And then you're being herded into a janitor’s closet. 

You stumble in, confused and reeling from how easily Hood plays the affectionate boyfriend role. He follows you in, shuts the door, and pulls the chain dangling from the ceiling. The single light bulb turns on. 

You take care to not knock over any cleaning supplies. You don't see the mop on the floor, however, and you trip backwards on the handle. 

Hood's reaction time is impeccable. He jerks forward to catch you, tugging you back on your feet with his hands on your arms. 

“Y’alright?” he asks. 

“Uh-huh,” you say, mildly mortified. “Thanks.”

He lets go. You shift on your feet. 

“How long are we gonna stay here?” you ask. 

Hood checks his phone. “Well, he should've moved on by now. Let's—”

The doorknob jiggles. You look at Hood in fear. His expression is similar. 

“Pretend!” you whisper, and that's all he needs to understand and move. 

You're expecting your arms around Hood, maybe exaggeratedly feeling him up. You are not expecting Hood to hoist you up by the backs of your thighs and press you against the wall. You squeal, arms shooting out to hold onto his neck. Hood's beard ends up in your mouth and you spit it out. 

The door swings open, revealing a very tipsy couple. 

“Oops!” the woman says, grinning. “Sorry. Carry on.”

The guy gives a thumbs-up. “True love.”

You smile awkwardly. Something is pressing into your hip.

“True love,” Hood deadpans. “Rock on.”

As soon as the door closes, you're squirming. 

“What is that?” you hiss. 

“My gun! Oh my God, it's my gun,” Hood says, quickly setting you down. “It's not…”

He trails off and backs away. You stand there, processing what just happened. 

“That wasn’t—”

“I didn’t—”

You both stop. Hood adjusts his beard. 

“You're really strong,” you say, wringing your hands. 

Hood nods. “Sorry about the, uh…”

“Yeah, let's just not talk about this.”

“Yup. Find Matt?” 

“Absolutely.” 

You open the door and peek out. The hallway is empty. Glory be.

“All clear,” you say, and Hood is on your heels as you sneak out. 

“Any ideas on where he'd go?” Hood asks. 

“Matt works in a cubicle like the rest of us. Emerson’s office is on the twelfth floor.” 

“Fine. We'll hit Emerson's office first. More privacy, and maybe they'll both be there. Two birds.”

“Emerson's office is protected by a password lock. He changes it every night,” you say, scurrying to keep up with Hood. 

“That's fine. I got a key right here,” he says, patting his holster.

“Wait! If the lock is tampered with, it sets off an alarm and security will come. You can't shoot it, Hood.”

He stops and sighs. “Why is everything so goddamn complicated? Alright, new plan. I'm gonna get my stuff from where we were and I'll break in the old-fashioned way.” 

Fifteen Minutes Later.

“This seems really unsafe!” you say, watching Hood dangle outside a three story window on a wire. He's attached to a grappling hook but still. Still! 

“Eh, I died once. Didn't stick. Hold the hook.” 

“I am!” As if you'd do anything but. You don't want the Red Hood to become Red Goo. 

Chilly December wind makes your eyes water and your nose cold. Still, you hold on. 

“Almost there!” he says. 

“Hey! What're you doing?” 

You whirl around and close your eyes due to the flashlight shining at them. Even though the lights are on. 

An elderly security guard glares at you. It's a good thing you're not an actual criminal… though after tonight, you're not so sure. 

“Um.” You try to hold onto the hook while hiding it behind your back. “Bird watching?”

The guard turns off the flashlight and tucks it into his belt. He slowly walks to you. 

“If you're doing something illegal, Miss, you're in big trouble.”

Well, this is fantastic. Of course it would be you that gets caught. 

The guard is getting closer. Your grip is sweaty. He peers over your shoulder. You let go of the hook, praying to every spirit out there that Hood is as good as everyone says he is. 

The guard looks around and scratches his head. You shrug, heart in your throat. 

“See?” you say. “Bird watching.”

He frowns at you. “I've got my eye on you.”

“And I commend you for that.” 

“Are you sassing me?” 

Are you? You might be. You've been spending too much time with Hood. 

Hood! You turn and look out the window. You don't see any red goo below, but it's also cold and foggy. Shit. You hurry to the elevators. 

“Okay, happy holidays, bye!”

The elevator doors open. You press twelve and close the door before the guard can consider getting on with you and shooting you a hairy eyeball all the way down. 

You hurry out and run down to Emerson's office. The door has been left ajar, which is good, right?

Bang!

You throw yourself against the wall. Shit. Maybe not. 

Ugh, you told Hood no shooting! Son of a bitch. 

“We're doing this tonight!” That's Emerson's voice. “I don't care if I have to shoot my way out.” 

Shoot? Oh no.

You carefully peek through the crack. Hood is standing with his hands behind his head. His beard has blood in it. Emerson is in front of him, gun to his head. 

Hood catches your eye. He gives you the tiniest head shake. You swallow. 

You can't just leave him there. 

Okay. Think. Emerson's back is to you. You can't see Matt, but you figure he's far enough away to not immediately shoot you. Hopefully. 

Anyway, what's your other option? The feisty relic upstairs? You can't risk any civilians getting hurt. 

Technically you're also a civilian but not tonight. Tonight you might as well be Batman. 

You slowly pull the door open further. You sneak in, then hide behind the secretary's desk.

“Is it done?” Emerson snaps.

That's when you see Matt in the corner on a laptop. 

“It takes time,” Matt says, obviously stressed too. 

“Well, hurry up!” Emerson looks at Hood. “Then we'll dispose of Santa here.”

Hood shrugs. “You can certainly try. Many have. ‘M still here.”

“Lots of bravado for a man in a costume,” Emerson sneers. “What are you, police?”

Hood groans. “As fucking if! I'm not a cop.” 

He hums. “Perhaps not. Otherwise this place would be crawling with them already. But you're alone.”

“How d'you know I'm alone?” Hood asks. 

You're glad he's calm because you're feeling the beginnings of another panic attack. But you can't panic, not now. The adrenaline pulsing through you is the only thing keeping you from going catatonic. 

You have no weapon, no plan. How the hell are you supposed to help Hood?

“You're bluffing,” Emerson says. 

“He has a girlfriend,” Matt says. “Some IT girl. She might come looking for him.”

“Then we'll take care of her too.”

Matt looks uncomfortable but he doesn't say anything. Hood is still cool as a cucumber. 

“She won't look for me. We had a fight. I forgot to buy the candy she likes.”

Candy? Why would—oh!

On the secretary's desk is a glass bowl filled with mini candy canes. You wrap your hands around it. 

“She knows my favorite,” Hood says, locking eyes with you.

You throw the bowl with all your might. Emerson is too slow—Hood grabs the bowl one-handed and swings it, knocking the gun from Emerson's hand. The candy explodes into pieces. Hood swings again, this time into Emerson's head. The bowl cracks. Emerson crumples to the floor. 

“Are you o—”

Bang! Bang! Bang!

In a blink, Hood wraps one arm around your waist and yanks you to the floor, covering your body. You curl into him on instinct. 

“I got you, I got you,” he says, patting your shoulder. “You okay?”

You nod, words not coming right now. You squeeze his hand. Hood seems to understand and he scoots you both behind Emerson’s desk. Then he loads his gun and cocks it.

“Stay here,” he says, then fires six shots. 

“Goddamnit!” Matt yells across the room. “This wasn't the plan! You're not supposed to be here!”  

Hood laughs, which is absolutely terrifying. “Don't talk to me about ruined plans, buddy. I've been waiting all night for an excuse to shoot somebody. Please make my night.” 

Matt fires four more shots. 

“Fuck you, cop!” 

“What the fuck? Fuck you more! I'm not a fucking cop!”

“Maybe it's the way you stand,” you say, teeth chattering from anxiety. 

Hood squeezes your shoulder comfortingly. “I stand like a cop? Gross. I gotta work on that.” 

“You're somebody!” Matt yells. “You're not just some guy, Todd, don't lie to me. You and that chick from IT are in cahoots.”

You huff. “He knows your name but not mine?”

“I’d take it as a compliment.”

Matt fires again. Hood tucks you behind him. 

“He won’t kill anybody,” he says, with way too much confidence, in your opinion. 

“Oh, is that why he's peacefully shooting at us?”

“He's scared, sure. But he can’t kill. Trust me, I know. Hey, Matt!” 

“What?”

Hood stands up. Your eyes bug out of your head. 

“Hood!” you hiss. “Hood!”

He ignores you, of course. 

“You won’t hurt anyone,” Hood says. He starts walking toward Matt. “You're not a killer, Matt.”

And all this time you thought Hood was sort of sane. Nope. 

“I will shoot you!” Matt warns. 

“Aw. You wouldn't shoot Santy Claus, would you?” 

Matt pulls the trigger. You gasp. It clicks. The magazine is empty. 

Hood closes the distance between them and grabs the gun, then elbows Matt in the face. Matt sprawls onto the floor. 

“Yeah, I don't risk my life on human emotion,” Hood says, loud enough so you can hear. “People can be so unpredictable. I will take a chance on a gun that only fires seven rounds, though. For a guy in finance, you're not very good with numbers, Matty.” 

You sigh in relief, slumping against the desk. After tonight, you're retiring. 

“Y'okay over there?” Hood asks. 

“Yeah.”

It's quiet for a bit. Then Hood returns and offers you a hand to help you stand. You do so on shaky limbs. 

He's got a cut on his eyebrow and a bruise on his cheek. You frown. 

“I'm sorry I let go of the hook. I thought—”

“You let go of the hook?”

You stop. “Um. No?” 

Hood squints at you. “Choosing to forgive you for that.” 

“I knew you were inside the office!”

“Yeah, sure.” 

“I'm not the only one taking risks,” you say. “Matt still fired at you.”

“Eh.” Hood shrugs. “He’s a crap shot. And I counted the rounds. I maintain my point. Factually, he could not shoot me.”

“You could've told me the gun was empty,” you say. 

“I wanted you to think I was cool and brave.” 

You laugh. “I already think that.”

Hood looks at you for a moment, like he’s trying to see right down into your soul. Intense. You cross your arms.

“So, um, ready to ditch this party?” you ask. 

“With pleasure.”

“What about them?” you ask, pointing to Matt.

“I have backup arriving soon. Let's get your coat.” 

You get your things while Hood changes back into his usual garb. He meets you at the back exit, the one that leads to an alleyway, Santa suit gone. The party's winding down and most are getting into their cars. You're grateful no one stops to ask where you disappeared to. 

There's police outside, but they're not here for Emerson. It's Bill that's being questioned by Commissioner Gordon. You stop short at the sight. 

“Hood… what did you do?” 

“Hm? Oh! There might have been some discrepancies in Bill's finances and he might have committed fraud to pay off his gambling debts. All circumstantial, though.”

“Please don't tell me you framed my coworker because he's a jerk,” you say. 

“No, but I'm not above that, for the record. I recognized Bill from when I was casing the Iceberg Lounge. That's where he racked up all that debt.”

You nod slowly. “That's how you knew his name.”

“Yup. He was a nobody, so I didn't bother with him. Had I known he was such a menace at work, well…”

You grin. “It's okay. I appreciate it now.” 

Hood nods. The silence is awkward for a few seconds. 

“So—”

“You don't have to keep working here,” he says. “You can leave if you wanna.”

“Hood…”

He puts up a hand. “Hear me out. I have a contact at Wayne Enterprises. I can get you an interview. Hell, I can get you the job.”

“And what would I owe you?”

He shakes his head. “Nothing. Think of it as a thank you for tonight. You didn't have to help me but you did.”

You open and close your mouth. “I don't… I don't know what to say.”

“Don't gotta say a thing,” Hood says quietly. “If anyone deserves a new year, it's you.”

“Oh.” Your throat feels tight suddenly. “Oh, Hood, that's really—that's nice of you.”

“It's been known to happen. Don't spread it around though.”

“But I don't want the job without interviewing!” you say. “I want to get it on my own.”

Hood nods. “Deal.”

You want to hug him but that seems like too much, even with all you’ve done tonight. So you take out a candy cane instead.

“I salvaged one from the bowl,” you say. “Merry Christmas, Hood.”

He takes it, tucking it into his pocket. “Merry Christmas. Need a ride?”

You shake your head. “I'm fine. See you around?”

“Maybe, maybe not. Stay safe, alright?”

“Oh, I will. Will you?”

He laughs. “No promises.” 

Then you blink and he's gone. You shove your hands into your coat pockets. 

In each pocket, there's a handful of Warheads. You smile.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

YOUR L*ONISMS IN THE MALLEUS POST BYE 😭😭 I tend to try to avoid talking about him precisely bc I fear I'll sound like Leona too lmao. or bc I'm scared ppl will say "ah you only dislike him bc you like Leona"- when that's not the case at all (although I also share some of his views about the lizard) Similarly to you, I just don't get the hype- basically everything you say. my feelings for him fluctuate from "🙄 ok." to "you're okay? I guess?"

which is weird, bc I really like dragons and non-human characters learning about humans. but that's what makes it worse for me bc man all the talk about him made me want to rlly like him and then I saw him in canon and I was like uh... okay? kind of disappointed + a bit annoyed at some stuff. I do like how he talks about gargoyles or things he finds interesting tho— I'll praise you that much, Draconia.

[Referencing this post!]

***PLEASE NOTE: Everything I express in this post is my own opinion and is in no way meant to disparage Malleus enjoyers.***

Leona and Rollo is right about Malleus and he should speak his truth 😔

To reflect a little on my own character arc with Malleus, I felt very neutral about him from the prologue to about book 2ish. This was simply because I hadn't interacted with the guy yet so I held off on judging him prematurely. The brief encounter we actually had with Malleus in book 2 wasn't meaty enough for me to get a sense for his character, so I brushed him off.

I thought it was interesting that book 2's narrative invites comparisons between Leona and Malleus, with Leona being a parallel to Scar, Malleus being a parallel to Mufasa, and the world holding Malleus up as the "superior" king. Lilia states as much in 2-26: "Would that the lion king of the savanna could witness this absolute farce. No, if you ask me, the collar suits you far better than a crown ever could. You may bemoan the fact that you're not higher in line to be king. But with that sensitive ego of yours? That so quickly directs all your petty anger at your retainers... Well, the idea of you ever contending with a REAL king like our Malleus—is absolutely laughable. Even if you COULD defeat Malleus, so long as that's how you choose to conduct yourself? You would never be fit to rule!"

And at the time, yeah, Lilia's right because Leona is very much losing his grip on his emotions and acts irrationally in an attempt to triumph over Malleus. HOWEVER... The longer the main story went on, the more I found myself disagreeing with Lilia's judgment of Malleus and his character. Now, that doesn't mean that I think Leona was in the right for the actions he took in book 2 (they are still and always will be wrong). Rather, I think Lilia gave a somewhat biased take on Malleus and his preparedness for the throne. Many of the things Lilia accuses Leona of also ended up being very true of his own liege. Malleus has a sensitive ego (he has attempted to strike down peers and faceless, magicless NPCs on more than one occasion; ie Halloween events). Malleus has directed his anger at his retainers (as a child, he froze many servants; in book 7, he attacks Sebek and Silver for attempting to wake up their peers and tries to return Lilia to sleep against his wishes). Malleus has scarcely led anyone in anything. Leona and Malleus are far more similar to one another than either of them would like to admit, but Lilia is just assuming that Malleus will be a great leader anyway because of... what? Because of birthright and lineage? Yeah, no wonder why Leona is pissed and has a bone to pick with the lizard (attempt to harm Malleus aside).

Book 3 and onwards is what I started to develop my current dislike for Malleus. (And to be clear, he has good points too! I'm not saying that he has nothing going for him at all; however, this post is focusing on my own critiques of his character so that is what I will be speaking about.) I started to notice things that annoyed me on a personal level: how he lacks consideration of others' perspectives and actively violates their autonomy, how he never gets any repercussions for his actions, how he's aware of his power and status and yet fails to avoid lording it over others, how he has been given so many opportunities to learn and change as a person but refuses those opportunities, etc. And yes, I understand that he acts in these ways for particular reasons. I'm not saying that his behaviors don't make sense, I am only stating that these are behaviors that I personally don't find appealing. (For more extensive explanations of why I don't like Malleus, please see the FAQ section in my pinned post.) All of this in spite of how little of him we actually get to see and interact with, especially in the main story. It baffled me that he was undoubtably the most popular character in EN circles. There's so much chatter about Malleus Draconia, you can't really get away from it. People are legitimately shocked when you tell them you actively dislike Malleus or when they learn that he's not even a top contender for best boy in the JP fandom. The default is assuming that you do like Malleus, which ironically happens to be the same thing that Draconians (Malleus stans in-universe) do. It feels like there's sometimes an unspoken pressure to like the guy. I also started to notice peculiar behaviors (?) which, in a vacuum, aren't necessarily bad--I would just like to comment on them because I find it interesting. With Malleus being as popular of a character as he is, there's of course going to be a lot of online discussion about him, especially from his fans. Now, I don't know if it's only me noticing this, but I've frequently observed Malleus fans going out of their way to "wring as much content" out of the least Malleus-related content possible. For example, there may be a screenshot of some other character posted and then a fan would come in and make a comment like, "I wonder how Malleus would feel about this". A more concrete example would be from the more recent JP Lost in the Book with Nightmare Before Christmas event; in it, the event character takes the back of all the characters' hands and kisses them (including Yuu). Automatically posts that showed this kissing were inundated with comments about how "Malleus would be so angry about this", even though Malleus himself shows no such reaction. Similar comments dropped when Yuu is kidnapped in the event even though, again, Malleus shows no such anger about the incident. Halloween events such as this contain half the main NRC cast, yet I saw no fans of the other 10 characters claiming those characters reacting jealously. This occurs VERY often in regards to Malleus; even in events or scenes where he doesn't react or doesn't even appear, zealous fans will insert him into the situation or make the situation suddenly about him, whether it's in someone's own posts or on other people's posts.

I wonder if this is a result of Malleus being kept so mysterious for two full years...? Without much of his character to go off of, it left a huge negative space for fans to headcanon, project, and hyperfixate on what he is like or what he could be. And maybe now those behaviors persist in an effort to fill in that void because honestly Malleus isn't getting much screen time within book 7 either 💀

I believe this has contributed to the discrepancy (that this asker brought up) between how the English-speaking Twst fandom speaks about Malleus versus what Malleus is actually like and how he is portrayed in game. The fandom version of him is pretty much always hyped up or sensationalized (sometimes simply for his mere existence), similar to how his own fans in-universe might put him on a pedestal. But then you play the game for yourself and you're exposed to so little of him and what little you do see of him is much more... reserved, somber, and sometimes even petulant, depending on the situation.

Anyway, my point is that anyone that dislikes Malleus (or any other character) should be allowed to dislike him, regardless of what anyone else says or if you feel pressured into silence🤷‍♀️

[velvetvexations]

Re the anon talking about ppl claiming that you can do forcefem in a way that isn't kinky and therefore is sfw & shouldn't be tagged – THANK YOU. As an ace person who is both somewhat sex averse and mildly involved in kink (basically I like erotica (of the fantastical, impossible to do in reality variety) & write some of it but I have to be in the right mood and I'm uncomfortable with actually having sex or having sexual interactions that aren't clearly roleplay), I was a little upset with some friends a few years ago for making sexual comments about me (like joking about whether I'm a top/bottom or saying things like 'step on me', etc). I asked them if they could stop/tone it down a little and my actually close friends did but a few kept getting defensive about how it was clearly a joke and they were saying I was a bottom in a slang/meme way and didn't mean anything sexual by it. And like... the point isn't how you intend for something to come across, the point is how it's received and the words you're saying are clearly sexual and it's starting to get weird. Something doesn't stop being rude or straight up sexual harassment if you mean it as a joke/in a nonsexual way.

I'm not a Puritan by any means. All kink (involving consensual adults) is fine by me but being sex-positive also means respecting that some people aren't into your kinks or sex in general and to not get offended if someone unfollows you because of untagged kink/nsfw or leaves a conversation because they're squicked out. (Seriously, we need to bring back the concept of 'squicks' to communicate that there's nothing morally wrong with certain kinks but some can still gross you out and you can choose to avoid them.) Rebranding what's clearly a kink and is understood to be a kink anywhere that's not this website, especially one that can clearly be triggering to people, and calling anyone who doesn't want to see it transmisogynists is just... weird.

(Also while I have 0 problems with people who transition for kink reasons or people who have gender-related kinks, it sets a kind of dangerous precedent for seriously claiming something like forcefem is trans praxis when one of the most common transphobic & specifically transmisogynistic lines of attack is that being trans is sexually motivated & trans people are groomer pedophiles, etc etc. If you think of your transition/gender as forcefemming then cool! Good for you! Kink is an important part of queerness. But maybe try to not apply that to the entire community when there are people who don't feel the same and there are people who are put in real physical danger because of those assumptions that being trans is inherently sexual.)

This is especially true of forcefem because "nonsexual forcefem" is literally just transmascs being forced to detransition. People with non-con kinks kinna have a big responsibility to not go about it in a way that's triggering to other people.

[rainroses45]

If I see one more plant!

𖧧description: You happen to be pregnant with a certain angel's baby, and with great power comes great responsibility... so here is how your powers and hormones give the Winchesters several heart attack...enjoy? Castiel x Pregnant Fem! Reader 𖧧a/n: I am obsessed with poison ivy's powers and so I was like hmmmmm "I should write this" and I did (Not Edited) 𖧧song Inspo: Kiwi - Harry Styles 𖧧warning: uummm none that I know of except maybe that pregnant reader gets emotional a lot BUT CAN YOU BLAME HER SHE IS TRYING HER BEST

The first time your powers when haywire was at a small-town department store when you were four months pregnant. Nothing out of the ordinary, nor the usual places the Winchesters frequented, but after a long hunt, they all decided a little downtime wouldn’t hurt especially since they found out you were pregnant.

The Winchesters had all sorts of equipment-guns, knives, books, *cough cough* trauma- but booster seats, cribs, and diapers, not so much. So with that in mind, they didn't argue when you dragged them out to different department stores.

Sam was poking around the electronics section ( his computer screen was stuck on busty asian beauties. com again), Dean was trying on a ridiculous-looking novelty hat, and you were wandering the aisles, following a trail of pink and blue onesies, cute little shoes, and soft blankets.

You hadn’t been feeling emotional at all that morning—really, you hadn’t. The pregnancy was going well, the baby was healthy, and you had Castiel by your side. What could go wrong?

Then, you spotted it: a tiny pair of shoes. They were so small and cute, pink with little flowers on them. Your heart absolutely melted.

“Oh my god,” you gasped, your eyes going wide. “They’re just… they’re so tiny! And adorable! Oh my god, what if… what if they… the baby wears them, and I'm having a little baby girl! Oh look they have them in blue too and—and… I just can’t handle this!”

Dean, who had been half-heartedly inspecting a display of bizarre looking mannequins, turned at the sound of your voice. “What the hell is going on over there?”

Before anyone could answer, you started tearing up. Big, dramatic, teary-eyed sobs as your emotions got the best of you. “It’s so cute! This is so cute! OMG why is everything here so cute?!”

Castiel, who had been silently standing by, watching the situation unfold, immediately stepped forward, his face softening in concern. “Y/N, sweetheart, it’s okay. Just… breathe. I understand the tiny items are cute.”

But it was too late for your boyfriend's soft words to soothe you. Your powers had already started to react to the uncontrollable emotions. Tiny flowers began sprouting from the ground beneath your feet. They were delicate little blooms—daisies, roses, violets—pushing through the cracked, textile floor. The flowers spread out around you, their sweet fragrance filling the air, and color overshadowing the cute clothing.

Dean, who had been watching you with a mix of confusion and curiosity, with a hint of amusement, quickly turned to Sam. “Okay, this I did not sign up for.”

Sam was trying to hold back his laughter, but when a single daisy bloomed in the middle of his shoe, he couldn’t help it. “Dude, you’re telling me you didn’t think this would happen? She’s practically the real life poison ivy!”

Dean shot Sam a glare. “Not the point, Sammy. We need to figure out how to fix this before we turn this store into the weirdest garden party ever.”

Meanwhile, while the boys were observing the weird scenario happening some people also were starting to notice. A lady in the aisle who was eyeing the chupones (I don't know what this is called in English sorry) next to you was giving you a curious look, unsure whether she should be worried or mental.

“Uh, hey, ma’am,” Dean said, stepping into her line of sight with a big grin. “Nothing to see here. Just, uh, a bit of… plant therapy going on.” He flashed a grin, trying to divert her attention.

The woman blinked at him, her eyes darting between Dean and the flowers. “Are you… sure? I mean how did the flowers appear out of no where? I mean isn't that a bit odd?”

Sam noticing his brother struggling with getting the lady away from the scene, stepped in, “Oh yeah, it’s totally normal. She’s just… you know, super into horticulture. All natural, totally organic stuff.”

“Yeah, you know,” Dean added with a wink, having no idea what the hell was horticulture was. “Just don’t touch the plants. Some of them bite- fuck." Dean cursed under his breath as he was too late catch his mistake.

The woman raised an eyebrow, clearly questioning if she’d accidentally stumbled into a strange dimension or if this was all just an elaborate joke. “I see…” She backed away slowly, nervously laughing while she looked around hoping to see a video camera or something.

Cas on the other hand was doing his best to calm you down. He crouched beside you, gently taking your hands in his, his gaze soft yet filled with concern.

“Y/N, sweetheart, listen to me,” he said in his steady, calming tone. “I know it’s overwhelming, but you need to control your breathing. Focus on me, okay?”

You wiped your tears, sniffling, still a little overwhelmed by the sheer cuteness of the tiny shoes. “But Cas… What if I mess up? What if I’m not a good mom? What if… what if the baby doesn’t like flowers?What if the baby doesn't like the shoes I get them? What if they don't like me? What if I-”

Castiel’s eyes softened even more as he took a deep breath, leaning forward to gently press a kiss to your forehead. “You’re already doing wonderfully. The baby will love whatever you give it—because it will have you. You’ll be perfect.”

You took a shaky breath, your tears subsiding as his words sank in. Slowly, you wiped your tears which seemed to be the same effect of brushing the flowers away from your feet, watching as they melted back into the ground, leaving behind only the faintest trace of green.

Dean and Sam returned to your side, looking almost relieved the situation was under control.

Dean let out a long, exaggerated sigh. “Okay, that was fun… but if I ever see a store more than five feet away from a hunt again, I’m gonna have to rethink my life choices.”

Sam chuckled softly. “What, you don’t like shopping with us?”

“I don’t mind it,” Dean said with a grin, “but the next time I see any more flowers in this place, I’m throwing a fit.”

You managed a small laugh as you wiped your eyes, the overwhelming emotions still there but a little easier to manage now. “Thanks, guys. I think I’m okay now. But… seriously, I’m never going near baby shoes again.”

Castiel smiled at you, offering a hand to help you back up. “Perhaps we should just stick to something a bit more practical next time?”

You nodded, still feeling a little sheepish. “Yeah, maybe… like, I don’t know, diapers?”

Dean smirked. “I’m all for the diapers. Less flowers, more action.”

The second time it was a quiet morning, and the everyone had decided to take a much-needed break from hunting. After a long few weeks of tracking down monsters, a little downtime at a cozy diner seemed perfect. You, being six months pregnant, were very excited about food. And when you’d glanced at the menu and seen pancakes, you didn’t hold back. You ordered everything—pancakes, waffles, eggs, bacon, and just about every side dish they had to offer. You were starving. Nothing was going to get in your way between you and your maple syrup.

You slid into the booth with Dean and Sam, Castiel sitting beside you on the opposite end of the brothers. He did look a little out of place in the cozy diner with his trench coat still on, but so did a pregnant lady wearing a Bluey onesie, and two other guys in cowboy outfits.

The brothers were already halfway through their coffee, talking about the next hunt, but your mind was purely focused on the delicious serving of food coming your way.

Dean glanced at you with an amused grin. “You really going to eat all that, or is that just for show?”

You raised an eyebrow, a playful smirk on your lips. “I’m pregnant, Dean. I feel like I just ordered an appetizer. Do not judge me.”

Sam laughed softly. “ Leave her alone Dean, she is carrying an angel's baby and a superpowered one at that. Let the girl eat whatever she wants."

Dean just shook his head. “Well, just don’t blame me when you can’t move after. I didn’t order the mountain of food.”

Just as you were about to playfully strangle Dean, the waitress brought over your huge order, but something was off. You had your eggs, you had your bacon, waffles, omelet, but something was missing. There was a stack of pancakes for Sam, a stack of pancakes for Dean, and a stack of pancakes for Cas— everyone got fluffy stack of pancakes except for you.

“Hey,” you said, frowning at the waitress. “Excuse me Miss, where are my pancakes?”

The waitress blinked, clearly flustered. “Oh! I’m so sorry, ma’am. I’ll get them right out for you.” She hurried away not before giving you a smile.

You sighed, staring at your plate, which now had way too many waffles and not enough pancakes. You pouted slightly. “I really wanted those pancakes…”

Castiel, who had been silently observing, stood up with his usual determination. “I will go get them for you, my beloved Y/N.” He headed toward the counter before anyone could stop him, his eyes already focused on the task at hand.

Dean raised an eyebrow. “Cas, relax. It’s not like it’s a big deal—”

But before he could finish his sentence, two women seated by the counter noticed Castiel, eyes widening as they took in his rugged, angelic demeanor. They exchanged a quick glance, their faces lighting up with interest.

One of them, bold and confident, immediately stood up and walked toward him. “Hey there, handsome,” she said, flashing a playful smile. “I couldn’t help but notice… you’re not from around here. What’s a guy like you doing in a place like this?”

Castiel, oblivious to the subtleties of anytype of human interactions, blinked in confusion. “I am simply retrieving pancakes for my girlfriend.”

The woman laughed, clearly not getting the hint. “Oh, you have a girlfriend? That’s cute." She dragged her freshly done nails over his chest. "But I bet she’d let you have a little fun, right?”

You, sitting back at the booth, started to feel that familiar irritation rise up, and your fingers twitched. Maybe a little too much.

Before you could stop it, the ground beneath you began to tremble slightly, and tiny cacti started sprouting from the floor, little spinky plants pushing up through the checkered text tiles and spreading outward. A few even shot out from the booth’s cushions, their thorns digging into the fabric around you.

Dean and Sam exchanged a panicked glance, both of them groaning in unison. “Not again,” Sam muttered, rubbing his temples.

Dean just sighed, glancing over at the growing cactus problem. “I swear, Cas better wrap this up before we turn this place into the weirdest garden party.... again!”

You were too far gone to notice their worried glances. Every little flirtatious giggle from the women sent your emotions spiraling, and more and more cacti grew—thick, spinky, sharp, cacti. There were even a few sprouting from nearby tables and counters, causing customers to take wide-eyed steps back.

The women, realizing that Castiel wasn’t giving them the attention they wanted, glanced around nervously. They tried to get a little closer to him, but he was still looking at them with that same confused expression.

“I’m sorry,” he said with a frown, “but I am in a committed relationship with my amazing, gorgeous girlfriend, and we are expecting a child together. I cannot- no I will not accept your advances because I find your lack of beauty and personality disgusting. So please let me return back to my girlfriend, or I will have to fry your face.”

The women blinked, their smiles faltering. “Oh… uh, I didn’t know you were expecting,” one of them said, her voice wavering. “Well, uh, congratulations, I guess… sorry to bother you.” They quickly backed away, clearly embarrassed, but your plant-related meltdown was far from over. A faint whispers of, "please don't kill us."

"Asshats." Cas muttered as he watched the two ladies walk away, patches of Cactus sticking out of their skin.

Dean and Sam rushed over to your side of the booth and tried calming you down. Sam immediately started pushing the closest cactus plant down into the ground. “Please, Y/N, just calm down! We’ll get your pancakes! We’ll get everything you want!”

Dean took the opposite approach, shoving a plate of his own pancakes toward you, trying to distract you. “Here! Just have mine! Pancakes! See? Everything’s fine!”

You looked at both of them, your eyes wide with irritation as another cactus popped up in the middle of the table. “I don’t want your pancakes, Dean! I want my own pancakes! I want my own boyfriend! I want my loyal boyfriend to bring me pancakes!”

More cacti began sprouting around the booth, some growing from the floor, while others were now tangled between the chairs. Sam was frantically trying to push them back down, his face a mix of exhaustion and exasperation. “Why is she always so persistent when it comes to the plants?! Why couldn’t she just shoot a man like the rest of us?!”

Dean held up his hands, trying to calm you down. “Okay, okay. No need to start a whole desert in here. Cas! Tell her we’re fine. Tell her you already turned down the STD whores!”

Castiel returned to the table, completely unaware of the level of destruction the plants had caused. He placed the pancakes in front of you, a serene smile on his face. “Here you go, beautiful. Your pancakes, I even got them with whip cream.” He placed a kiss on your head. "Would you like me to cut them up for you?"

You took a deep breath as you reached for your pancakes, but you couldn’t help but smile at him even as you felt like you were going to twist his guys inside and out. He’d turned the girls down. And so calmly, too. It was like it wasn’t even a second thought.

Dean and Sam were still working together to keep plants from growing into the booth’s walls. Sam was pushing one of the cacti down, while Dean was shoving another out the door, his eyes twitching with disbelief.

“Guys, I swear,” Dean muttered, “if I have to fight off one more cactus, I’m getting the hell out of here.”

“You’re lucky we’re not going to die from these plants,” Sam grumbled, attempting to swat at a rogue vine that had started climbing up a nearby window.

You laughed softly, the last of the cacti finally retracting as you calmed down. You were feeling better, but now the diner was definitely looking a lot more like a desert garden. “Sorry, guys. I just… I couldn’t help it.”

Castiel smiled down at you, his eyes filled with warmth and understanding. “It’s alright, darling. I would never allow anyone to take my attention from you.”

You smiled, feeling a little sheepish. “Thanks, Cas. You really handled that well.”

Dean and Sam, clearly exhausted from the plant chaos, collapsed back into the booth with you, still eyeing the last few cacti with suspicion.

“Alright, lovebirds,” Dean said, eyeing the growing cactus garden with disbelief. “Next time, we’re sticking to delivery pizza, okay? No more pancakes, no more plants.”

The third time seemed to be no different. It was another quiet morning on the road. The Impala had made a pit stop at a gas station, and the Winchesters, along with Castiel, were inside grabbing snacks and supplies. You were trying to hold it together, but being six months pregnant made everything a little… well, more difficult. You’d been looking forward to getting out of the car and stretching your legs, but the moment you stepped out of the car, you felt the weight of your growing belly.

It had taken a toll on your body. With new stretch marks, and odd cramps and cravings, you didn’t expect to out grow your clothing so fast.

Inside the convenience store, you were eyeing some snacks when Sam, in his usual well-meaning but oblivious way, made the comment that would unintentionally set things off.

“Y/N,” Sam said, glancing up from the bag of chips he was holding, “I think you should get bigger pants or something. I mean, it might help you feel more comfortable, you know? I don’t want you to strain yourself or the baby.” He smiled, thinking the simple hardships of the beginning of motherhood would be appreciated by the soft comfort of jeggings.

You froze. The words hit you harder than Sam could’ve known. Of course, you were aware of your growing belly, but you weren’t expecting to be reminded of it so bluntly (it was no where close to being blunt). You gave him a tight smile, but inside, it stung.

Dean noticed the shift in your mood almost immediately. “Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked, voice low and concerned.

But before Sam could even register the impact of his words, you felt the anger and hurt bubbling up inside you. The next thing anyone knew, thick vines began sprouting up around you, twisting and curling out from the ground, wrapping themselves tightly around Sam’s legs, his arms, and even his waist. He froze, eyes wide in shock as the plants continued to tighten around him.

“Y/N, what the hell?!” Sam gasped, struggling against the vines. “I didn’t mean it like that!”

Dean stepped forward, panic rising in his voice. “No, no, not again—come on, Y/N, you gotta calm down.” He reached into his bag and pulled out a can of weed repellent, spraying it in the air in an attempt to keep the plants at bay. “I knew this would come in handy.”

But no matter how much Dean sprayed, the vines didn’t seem to back off. Sam was now fully encased in a web of thick, green vines that pulled tighter with every second, making it hard for him to move.

“Y/N, please—I didn’t mean it that way!” Sam was practically pleading now, his voice muffled by the plant growth surrounding him.

Dean, frantic and trying to get to you, turned to Castiel. “Cas, help! She’s gone full jungle, and Sam’s about to become plant food!”

Cas, who had been silently observing the whole thing with wide eyes, turned to you with a soft, comforting expression. “Aww, sweetheart, it’s okay. He didn’t mean to upset you.”

Dean shot Cas a look, as if to say, Are you kidding me right now?

“It’s not okay,” Dean snapped. “Cas, help me! We’re running out of weed repellent, and Sam is literally about to get swallowed by the vines!”

“Those are actually not weeds they are-“ “They could be dancing salsa beans for all I care help me!”

Castiel looked at Dean for a moment, before turning his attention back to you. He took a slow step toward you, his voice gentle. “Y/N, I know you’re upset, but it’s okay. Sam didn’t mean to hurt you.”

You were still angry, but hearing Cas’ calm tone seemed to ease the tension a little. The vines wrapped around Sam loosened, just slightly, but it was enough for him to gasp for air. “I swear, I didn’t mean anything by it, Y/N. Please… I just thought you might be more comfortable, that’s all. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings I’m so sorry.”

You glanced at Sam, then to Castiel, who was smiling softly at you. The reassurance in his voice had a calming effect, but the vines—now with a mind of their own—had a different idea. They snapped back at Sam one last time, tightening around his chest, almost as if to say, this is what happens when you mess with my girl.

Dean, now frantically spraying more weed repellent, hissed, “Cas, please do something! We’re losing Sam to the vines!”

Castiel stepped closer to you, his hand gently resting on your arm. “Y/N, honey, just breathe. Everything’s fine. Sam didn’t know how his words affected you.”

Dean, now out of repellent, was genuinely losing his patience. “Cas, seriously, do something! He’s gonna get tangled in the damn plants forever if you don’t!”

You took a deep breath, the vines finally relaxing around Sam, though he was still stuck. You raised an eyebrow at Dean’s frantic expression, your anger dissipating into something more mischievous.

“Oh sorry,” you said, your tone finally softening. “I’m sorry Sam, I just- I don’t know what came over me it’s been hard controlling everything you know?” The vines retreated slowly, leaving Sam tangled up in a few stray leaves, looking slightly defeated.

Dean let out a long, exaggerated sigh. “Thank God. If I had to deal with you two and the plants much longer, I was about to set the whole diner on fire.”

Sam, now free of most of the vines, shot you a sheepish look. “No it’s my fault. Sorry, really. I just didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable. But I guess I should’ve worded that differently.”

You finally gave him a small smile, the tension breaking. “It’s okay, Sam. I’m sorry for letting my powers get the best out of me. It’s hard to tell wether it’s the baby or me who’s in control.”

Dean threw up his hands, looking exasperated. “It’s not okay! You almost turned this place into Jurassic Park! We can’t keep dealing with this every time you get upset!”

Cas, with his trademark calm demeanor, reached over to gently rub your back. “It’s alright, sweetheart. You just need to know it’s okay to express your feelings.”

You smiled at him, grateful for the comfort.

Dean rubbed his temples, clearly exhausted from the ordeal. “I swear, if I have to fight one more damn plant, I’m gonna lose it.”

“Don’t worry, Dean,” you said, laughing softly, “I think we’re done with the plants for now.”

Dean shot a glare at the nearest cactus sprout. “Yeah, well, let’s hope so.”

*Cue the meme*

Dean after not seeing a plant  incident

“wow i haven’t stubbed my toe in 5 months” I said with joyous

(you go into labor and cause a whole rainforest)

I was then shot 57 times in the chest

[snwusberry]

pairing: dad!wooyoung x mom!black reader

warning(s): eating

genre: fluff

wc: 1294

on my "wooyoung girl dad" agenda

reader pov

man this girl can talk. almost as much as her father, and put them in the kitchen together? absolute chaos, but i love every single second of it.

the kitchen is a mess with mixing bowls littering the counters, used measuring cups scattered everywhere, and four everywhere but in a bowl. the christmas eve chaos is in full swing.

usually we'd buy ready made cookie dough but this time, self proclaimed master chef jung wooyoung, and his sous chef j.j decided we'd nara smith the cookies today. i said master chef, not pastry chef, by the way.

"okay jiah, its your turn to mix the dry ingredients, but do it gently so the flour doesnt get everywhere." i say, handing the little girl the whisk.

she grabs it with both hands and looks at me with all the seriousness she can muster.

"dont worry mommy, i'm a professional baker." she tells me with determination.

see what her father is feeding her?

"i see so." i agree and she smiles widely, before she starts whisking.

"my baby, you've got a littke flour on your nose." wooyoung says from across the counter where he's rolling out dough with far too much flair and jiah gasps, dropping the whisk and patting her face.

"where?"

"here." wooyoung answers, pointing at his own face, unable to contain his laughter. "you look like a little snowman."

with that she grabs a handful of flour and throws it in his direction. i guess she didnt like that.

"hey i was joking. no need to attack your own father."

"at this point we won't have enough cookies for santa." i comment, looking at all the incorrect uses of flour happening. taking a bite of one of the cookies that were put on the cooling rack.

"yeah because you're eating them all." wooyoung comments and i stick my tongue out at him, and jiah must've found that really funny because she let's out her cute little laugh.

"you try resisting all these cookies while carrying another one of your big headed babies." i snap back and he raises his hands.

"we're going to make the best cookies ever! santa's gonna love them." jiah exclaims after stuffing a handful of dough in her mouth. when she got to wooyoung, is a mystery to me but she managed to snatch some cookie dough for herself. hopefully she doesn't have a stomach bug tomorrow, or she'll be really upset.

"obviously. with us in charge, he's going to think they're gourmet." wooyoung chimes in.

he tosses even more flour on the counter before cutting out christmas tree shapes that were bought specifically for the occasion. you can definitely say thing one and thing two were more than excited for christmas this year.

"daddy, you don't even know what gourmet means!"

i snort, trying mot to laugh amd loom to wooyoung who's mouth hangs open in fake offense. self proclaimed master chef, remember?

"excuse me young lady, i happen to know exactly what gourmet means. it means fancy, just like my cooking, thank you very much."

i roll my eyes, placing the already cut dough on the baking sheet. "how about we focus on getting these in the oven before you two destroy my kitchen."

"she started it." wooyoung says, pointing at jiah who dramatically gasps.

"no, you did. you started it when you said i look like a snowman."

i shake my head at the two, fighting the smile that still manages to make it on my face.

"a cute snowman, my baby." he says, trying ti save face and it works because jiah smiles widely at him.

"the cutest?"

"yes, the cutest."

"aren't you guys cute." i comment after witnessing the cute interaction.

i watch as wooyoung puts the tray in the oven before he starts preparing the wet ingredients for the new batch while j.j sneaks me two more cookies.

"for the baby." she whispers a lottke too loudly and i catch wooyoung looking at us.

if its anyone who's more excited for the baby on the way, it's jiah. the moment we told her she'd be an older sister, she's been nothing short of excited. when wooyoung explained that i needed rest and "to be taken care of" during this time she'd to things like what she did just now.

"not enough for santa, remember?" wooyoung said sarcastically but i know he doesnt really care.

"he'll be fine if he gets just two, won't he princess?" i respond and jiah nods rapidly with her mouth full. well there goes another one.

"mommy, do you think he'd like sprinkles?" she asks once she gets a look at the dough wooyoung is mixing.

"i think he'll like anything."

she hums thoughtfully and picks up the jar of sprinkles before dumping some on the dough for wooyoung to fold in.

"i think he'll like the sprinkles. they're prettier."

"sprinkles are the best." wooyoung comments, grabbing some for himself amd tossing them into his mouth.

"daddy, those are for santa!" jiah yells.

"relax, theres plenty left." he says, grinning.

"if you eat the decorations, you'll end up on the naughty list." i chime in, in jiah's defense as if i didn't just tear up a few cookies just now.

"wouldn't be the first time." he quips, throwing a wink at me.

"the dough wooyoung." i remind him and he smirks.

the three of us continue working together to finish the cookies, with the occasional banter and sassy comments from j.j shot towards her father. by the time the last batch is in the oven, we're all tired and i lean against the counter, surveying the mess.

“you know. we could’ve just bought cookies at the store. santa wouldn’t know the difference.”

jiah's jaw drops, and she stares at me like i've just said the most blasphemous thing in the world.

“mommy! you can’t buy cookies for santa! that's cheating!”

as if ready made dough is any better, but okay.

“yeah, mommy. what kind of example are you setting?” wooyoung chimes in, grinning.

i roll my eyes, but i'm smiling. “alright, alright. homemade cookies it is.”

she takes another cookie and takes a bite and immediately lets out a happy hum.

“santa is definitely gonna love these!” she exclaims and wooyoung takes a bite from the cookie in her hand, this being the first time he gets a taste.

“not bad, kiddo. we make a pretty good team.” she grins, her mouth full of cookie crumbs.

“yeah! we’re the best cookie makers ever!”

i can’t help but laugh as i watch the two of them, so alike in their playful, talkative ways. the kitchen is a mess, but my heart feels so full.

“alright.” i say, grabbing a plate for santa's cookies. “let's leave these out with some milk, and then it’s off to bed. santa won’t come if you’re still awake.”

“okay, mommy!” she says, helping me arrange the cookies on the plate.

wooyoung picks her up and swings her around, making her giggle.

“let's get you to bed, hmm?" she nods.

after tucking her in, and cleaning up, wooyoung and i put the cookies back in the cookie jar and he warms up some milk for me to drink before bed.

we sit down together in the living room when wooyoung puts a hand on ny growing belly and let's out a content sigh.

"you're in for a treat my angel." he says softly and i smile at him. "your sister gets nore and more impatient to meet you and we're anticipating your arrival too. mommy and daddy love you."

he presses a kiss on my belly and sits up straight again.

"and i love you, baby." he says to me, leaning in to kiss my lips.

"i love you too."

[helinedmightbehere]

i think it's the lunar apologist in me but i feel like people are giving him too much shit?? like i get moon and maybe get monty but. lunar i feel like is getting too much shit please tell me i'm not the only one???????

[the-way-astray]

The Ultimate Anti-Keefe Sencen Rant (Part One: Keeper through the first half of Unlocked)

taglist: @ahoyimlosingmymind @lucyshypemaster @myfairkatiecat @lilliesandlight @noideawhattodoorsay @sacrificialloving @i-want-to-be-hit-by-a-car @loreintheaether @whatistheretofearlookatrunfrom

Disclaimers before I start:

Do not, I repeat, do not hit that read more button right now. You will regret it. I promise you, you want to open this post in a new tab before you hit that button. This post brings new meaning to the word "long". To give you some numbers, this post is about 75 pages long in Google Docs, size 12 Times New Roman font. It took me more than three hours to read through it. You shouldn't expect to read this entire thing in one sitting. Do not, under any circumstances, hit that button without opening this post in a new tab. I'm warning you.

This rant will be very biased against Keefe. I'm only listing the things I do not like about Keefe. I have not listed a single thing I enjoy about him, few that there are. So if you're going into this looking for an unbiased "pros and cons" analysis, you've come to the wrong place. This is not an analysis. This is a rant. Do not confuse the two.

I will only list things I do not like about Keefe. If you want to argue that "oh, but [other character] did that too, and you didn't mention them!!!" that's because I'm not getting into any gripes with any other characters in this particular post. I despise Forkle just as much as I despise Keefe, for instance, but this is not a Mr. Forkle rant. This is a Keefe rant. This is solely focused on the things I do not like about Keefe. I may or may not agree with you on whether that other character that supposedly did the same thing deserves to be scrutinized for it, but the point still stands that I will not be getting into any Keefe vs. [other character] debates. In my rant, I do occasionally compare Keefe to other characters, but that's just to highlight my points about Shannon's treatment of him.

I am not a Sophitz shipper. I don't ship Sophie with anyone, actually. This rant does not come from a place of "Fitz is a better love interest for Sophie because Keefe sucks so much!!!" I will just put that to bed right now.

Feel free to pick fights with me or tell me that I'm not being fair. Feel free to counter every single one of my arguments. But please don't make bad faith arguments like "Keefe was basically just waiting around for Sophie and Fitz to break up in Legacy!!!" that are just not true in the slightest. (Yes, that is in defense of Keefe, I'm just trying to show an example of a bad faith argument.) I tried my best to be fair and not extrapolate anything beyond what I genuinely think Shannon Messenger intended for the audience to understand. So if you want to make a counter-argument, I kind of expect the same.

I actually really like fanon Keefe. No problems there whatsoever. Every single gripe I have is with canon Keefe. So, obviously I will only be discussing canon Keefe moments in this rant. I won't be talking about fandom issues at all.

My problems arise with both Keefe the person (his personality) and Keefe the character (the way he's written/his character arcs/development), so obviously this will be heavily critical of Shannon Messenger's writing. Just be aware. But I don't hate Shannon. In YouTuber withcindy's words, I find her writing to be unbearable sometimes, but I hope she gets her coin. I don't want this to make anyone hate Shannon. I don't hate her, her writing choices just frustrate me sometimes and I think it's fair to criticize them. There are many things I love about Keeper, like the worldbuilding (I have an entire post in my drafts ranting about how great the world is for the themes Keeper's trying to convey). I directly "address" Shannon at several points, but that's mostly for the sake of not making this a boring slog to get through.

I don't have physical copies of Keeper, Exile, Lodestar, or Nightfall as of the making of this rant. So quotes from those don't have citations. Every other book has a page number. I probably should've cited chapter numbers instead for those four but I didn't think of that at the time. Oh, well.

This will be very negative and discourse-y. I'm not really planning on sugar-coating anything. In my opinion, it's really important to be able to criticize the things you love, and I do love Keeper. So if you want to have a purely positive, uncritical fandom experience, it's probably not a good idea to keep going. Also, if you ship Sokeefe or like Keefe, just be prepared. While I personally do not believe they/he were written well, I understand that some people do enjoy them/him. I don't want this rant to make any people that genuinely love Sokeefe or Keefe start hating them/him. If you don't like Keefe or Sokeefe, you've probably come to the right place.

This entire rant is my personal opinion. We can agree to disagree. I get that some things I say are completely subjective, such as when I talk about Keefe's humor. That doesn't mean I think that anyone who loves Keefe's sense of humor is an idiot. I do use some strong language to describe some things, but that doesn't mean I think people who have different opinions than me are stupid. We just clearly have different tastes when it comes to things like this.

New disclaimer that I need to add right before posting this: I am not that blue anon (or any anti-Sokeefe or anti-Keefe anon). I don't even know how they managed to do that on anon. I also don't think Keefe was emotionally cheating with Sophie in Legacy. That's a completely bizarre statement to make. However, I do find that some of that person's statements are valid, however weirdly and passive-aggressively they made them, but I'm going to try to address it in a more respectful manner. So hopefully, if you continue reading this and you do like Sokeefe or Keefe, you at least understand where I'm coming from.

Keeper

“‘I mean, I can’t really blame her’—he gestured to himself—’but still, it’s awkward, you know?’” I don’t tend to like characters that brag about their looks. I know it’s a popular male-love-interest trope, but I can’t stand it. It makes the author feel like they’re trying way too hard to make the character ““““““cool””””””. Yes, I know he’s joking, but it quickly goes way too far later.

“From his disheveled blond hair to the way he’d rolled up his sleeves and left his shirt untucked, she could tell—he was cool.” Again, the narrative tries way too hard to get us to buy into the “cool bad boy” thing and it just makes me cringe so hard.

“He clearly wasn’t going to let it go [ . . . ]” Just keep in mind, Keefe just met Sophie a second ago and he’s already starting to push her for things she doesn’t want to tell. Yes, in this case, it isn’t particularly serious, but this definitely becomes a habit later on.

“‘Wow, most girls would be crying about a wound like that—most guys too. Even I’d be playing it up for sympathy and stuff.’” Going to let this go because they fix Keefe’s sexist comments in the graphic novel, so it clearly wasn’t intended for him to come across that way, but I’d just like to say that I’m so tired of the casual sexism in YA novels as a way of making a male love interest seem “cooler” or “snarkier”. It makes me cringe every time. (Keefe isn’t the only one that’s like this either. Fitz and Dex both make similarly sexist comments as well earlier: “What is it with girls?” said by Fitz and “Girls” said by Dex.) It comes across as even more annoying when you consider the whole thing about how the Lost Cities are supposed to be gender-equal. Shannon. What the heck.

“‘Makeovers?’ Keefe scoffed behind them. ‘You girls sure know how to have fun. Maybe you can braid each other’s hair and giggle about boys while you’re at it.’” Again, I’m going to let this go because they fix it in the graphic novel, but oh, boy. I have no idea what Shannon was thinking when she wrote this. All the guys make sexist comments, but Keefe easily gets it the worst. It just proves my point about how Shannon jacked it all the way up to eleven in an attempt to make Keefe “cool” and “funny”. 

“‘Actually, maybe that last part is a good idea. You could get the dirt on Foster, find out which guys make her heart go pitter-patter.’” This is completely subjective, but I find Keefe’s general sense of humor to be incredibly cringy. Like, who talks like that and doesn’t immediately cringe at themselves??? In real life, if someone spoke like that, I can guarantee that everyone around them would laugh at them. Also, he still doesn’t know Sophie very well and he continues to put her on the spot.

“‘Eh, that’s what they all say. But deep down girls always have one guy they can’t take their eyes off—isn’t that right, Fitz?’ ‘Why are we talking about this?’ Fitz complained.” Say what you will about Fitz, but I will forever be grateful to him for shutting down that nauseatingly cringy shitshow.

“‘Aw, don’t go getting good at alchemy, Foster.’” Again, this is completely subjective, but I find the way he calls Sophie by her last name to be a cheap trick to make him seem funnier and cooler. Which, in my humble opinion, it doesn’t.

“He winked, reaching for her hand.” Again, completely subjective, but my number one pet peeve when it comes to love interests in fiction is winking. Why is it that everytime an author wants to make a guy “cool”, they just make him wink so much you’d believe he has an eye twitching disorder??? Keefe is so unoriginal as a character. I have seen this sort of male love interest a thousand times in a thousand different YA series. 

“‘It’s almost too easy to annoy you, you know that?’” The thing about Keefe is that he doesn’t just joke around. He usually jokes around with the intention to annoy or embarrass someone. 

“[ . . . ] forced instead to sit alone in the corner while Keefe winked at her [ . . . ]” He winked at her throughout the course of an entire detention??? Wow. That’s just. Okay.

[cut because character limit]

“‘What do we have here?’ Keefe asked, snatching a red box from her thinking cap. He was definitely back to his old self without his father around. He glanced at the card and cracked up. ‘“Dear Sophie. I really enjoyed our dance, and I hope we can do it again sometime. Love, Valin.”’” Another example of Keefe making jokes that are just straight up embarrassing for someone else. Also, he just grabbed her present like that without her permission??? 

“‘I’m just teasing—sheesh.’” Keefe literally pulled the “But it was just a joke!” excuse as justification for putting Sophie on the spot like that. Wow, such a great friend.

“Keefe nudged Dex’s arm, then grinned at Sophie. ‘Interesting.’ ‘What?’ Dex asked. ‘Which one’s your gift, Dex?’ Sophie interrupted. She didn’t have to be a mind reader to know what Keefe was going to tease Dex about.” Here we mark the start of Keefe using his empathy to learn people’s secrets without their consent. He feels not a hint of remorse for it, and instead uses it as a way to breach people’s boundaries and embarrass them. As a lot of people have already said, Keefe is the primary reason empathy should have similar restrictions on it to telepathy. 

“She stared at Dex for a minute, so amazed she wanted to hug him. She knew Keefe would have a field day, though, so she fought the urge.” You shouldn’t be scared to hug your friend in front of your other friend for fear of what the other friend will say. 

“He’d hardly looked at her gift when he opened it, too distracted by the tunic Keefe gave him, which had I know what you’re thinking—and you should be ashamed of yourself embroidered across the front.” I will give credit where credit is due, though. This was cute as hell. But it also makes me frustrated, because it shows that Keefe can be a good friend if he tries. It’s not like he straight-up doesn’t know how to. He just doesn’t. Which is arguably worse.

“‘Yeah, busy juggling two girlfriends,’ Keefe interrupted. Alvar grinned. ‘Three.’ ‘Three?’ Della’s voice was as horrified as her expression. ‘Alvar, that’s awful.’ ‘Are you kidding? It’s awesome!’ Keefe corrected. ‘You’re my hero.’” That’s right, everyone. The sweet, thoughtful, funny, perfect Keefe dreams of being a cheater one day. What the heck, Shannon? Why would you make a guy you clearly want your audience to like and will eventually be the love interest a wannabe cheater? It’s clearly because she wants to make him seem cool and funny! So hilarious. Although this is more on Alvar. I know the fandom headcanons about polyamory, but given the use of the word “juggling”, it’s more likely that Alvar is a cheater. But I will also assume that this was another product of Keeper’s time, and will be changed in the second part of the graphic novel.

“‘All right, enough girly drama,’ Keefe said, shoving his way in. ‘I was part of the rescue too, remember? I’m the one who knew the tree you told Fitz about was the Four Seasons Tree, so if it weren’t for me . . . ’” How self-centered do you have to be to make the rescue about yourself??? Like, my guy. Have some self-awareness. Also, acting like Biana apologizing is just “girly drama” instead of a very real emotional moment is so, so degrading (and misogynistic, yippee). Disgusting behavior (which I wouldn’t mind if he ever apologized for it and showed some development, but it’s Keefe, so he never does, of course). 

“‘Ella!’ Sophie buried her face between the floppy ears, ignoring Keefe’s snickers.” Imagine laughing at your supposed friend (and crush) during an emotionally and physically devastating recovery period because you found it funny that she sleeps with a stuffed animal.

Exile

“‘Hey, a guy’s gotta look his best for the ladies.’ Keefe patted the back of his head. ‘Right, Foster?’” Ah, Keefe’s trademark cringily atrocious “humor” starts again. 

“‘Why do you need my help? Aren’t you the expert?’ Keefe snickered. ‘Ooh, good one, Foster!’” Another thing I don’t like about Keefe is that Shannon uses him as narration sometimes in order to pat her own back over making a joke. Like here, Sophie makes a comment regarding Vika’s ability to train Silveny, and we, the audience are obviously supposed to be like “Ooh, good one, Sophie! Get her ass!” But instead of just letting the audience have their natural reaction, Shannon feels the need to tell us what she thinks we need to feel. It becomes annoying because Keefe does it so much. It’s like Shannon doesn’t trust that the audience will have the correct reaction, so she has Keefe have that reaction so the audience knows what to feel. It’s basically the writing equivalent of saying “Get it? Do you get the joke? The joke was that Sophie made fun of Vika. Do you get it now?” This is more a Shannon thing than a Keefe thing, but Keefe gets it the worst. 

“‘Lame. I vote for The Unstoppable Team Keefe! Or Team Foster-Keefe if you’re one of those egomaniacs who needs your name in there. I can share some credit.’” Ah, here we start with Keefe’s list of atrocious nicknames for things. It’s one of my least favorite aspects of the way Shannon writes “humor”.

“‘What was up with the whole Amazing Flying Foster routine?’” Completely subjective, but I find Keefe’s nicknaming tendencies really grating.

“‘That’s another day of detention, Mr. Sencen,’ Sir Rosings shouted. ‘And one for you, Miss Foster!’ ‘Ooh, we can be detention buddies again!’” It’s a little thing, but Keefe never feels regret when he gets someone else in trouble. He only lathers it up with more teasing. I’d be so angry if someone got me in trouble and it wasn’t even my fault. It’s just terrible behavior.

“‘I’m not talking about anyone. I’m talking about you. And I know you’re up to something. I can feel it.’ He grabbed her hand, sucking in a slow breath as the crease between his brows relaxed. ‘I can feel your hope. It’s not much—but it’s there. And there has to be a reason for it. Besides—you’re going to need my help. Who knows the Vackers better than me?’” Keefe uses his empathy to force his way into Sophie’s fixing-Alden’s-mind plan. He tries to read her emotions without her permission so that he can use it as justification to get her to let him help. It’s just so icky. He then manipulates Sophie by insisting she needs his help (even though she logically doesn’t). 

“‘It’s a date, Foster!’ Keefe shouted, turning every head in the corridor and making her grit her teeth so hard her jaw hurt. ‘Looking forward to it.’” Keefe stop humiliating Sophie in front of everyone challenge. 

“‘Wow—you really sleep with this thing? I thought Fitz was kidding when he gave it to you when you were recovering.’ Sophie snatched Ella away [ . . . ]” Keefe continues to make fun of Sophie for her stuffed animal tendencies. You know, it’s possible to be funny and make jokes without actively tearing people down. But wait, you may say. Keefe shows some development later because he starts to sleep with his own stuffed animal! Doesn’t that mean he learned and grew? No, I would argue back at you. The issue is not actually that Keefe made fun of Sophie’s stuffed animal in particular. The issue is that most of Keefe's jokes actively revolve around making fun of someone and putting them down. And that never changes, even later in the series. This is simply one example.

[cut because character limit]

“‘This isn’t nearly as exciting as I thought it would be,’ Keefe complained as Sophie finished explaining her theory about removing Alden’s guilt and how she was trying to track down her own journal. ‘When do we get to, like, fly into the line of fire or sneak away to the Forbidden Cities?’” Another thing I don’t like about Keefe: he’s so whiny. For no reason. Shannon loves to use his whininess to make him ““““““relatable””””””. And he never develops! Ever! Most of the things I list about Keefe here would be fine if Shannon acknowledged them as character flaws and let Keefe develop. But he never does.

“He reached out and brushed Grady’s arm. ‘Whoa—that is some serious tension radiating off of you. Is it that bad?’” Again, here we see an example of Keefe breaching boundaries and using his ability to get people to tell him things they aren’t comfortable telling him. If Keefe was a Telepath, this would be breaking the law. In case you care. 

“‘Is that a diary?’ Keefe asked as Sandor handed her the sparkly journal. He tried to snatch it, but Sophie yanked it away just in time.” I- I don't even have the words to describe how atrocious this behavior is. Keefe just casually tried to invade Sophie’s privacy. For a joke. And imagine if she had written something embarrassing in there and he’d managed to grab it from her. He’d never stop embarrassing her over it, never stop spilling its contents to other people casually in the name of “humor”. And he’d treat it like a joke, instead of a very serious breach of personal boundaries.

“‘Should’ve figured it would have something to do with a boy.’ ‘I was five, Keefe.’ ‘What, and cute boys didn’t exist when you were five? Well, it’s true you hadn’t met me yet, but . . . ’” Ah, Keefe’s trademark cringy-ass flirtation starts. For the record, I think this might be my least favorite aspect of Keefe’s “humor”. I don’t tend to like characters that go on about how good-looking they are. I just find it so incredibly cringy and tone-deaf. But that’s just my opinion.

“‘Now we know they still have the pages. So we just have to figure out a way to steal them back.’” Ah yes, Keefe’s straight-up stupidity, which isn't quite my least favorite quality of his, but is the most frustrating. He’s really, really stupid if he thinks he can just. Track down the Black Swan and steal the pages back from the infinite amount of places they could be. 

“‘Hey, Captain Mood Swing,’ Keefe said, gently grabbing her arm.” Keefe’s cringy sense of nicknaming humor continues. 

Also Keefe’s nickname for Silveny will never not be the most cringeworthy thing in the entire series. His nickname humor is already horrible enough, but combine it with his tendency to crack potty jokes like he’s six? Simply atrocious.

“‘It’s just a theory right now—I need to think it through.’ ‘You mean we,” Keefe said, hooking his arm through hers. “We need to think it through. Team Foster-Keefe!’” Keefe stop forcing yourself into Sophie’s personal business challenge.

[cut because character limit]

“‘So, let me get this straight,’ Keefe said when Sophie was done explaining the new plan. ‘We don’t know where we’re going, or how long it’s going to take us to get there, and we’re flying to meet the Black Swan—who may or may not be evil murderers—and this whole thing could be a trap?’ [ . . . ] ‘Awesome! ’Bout time this project got a bit more exciting.’” Keefe is so fucking tone-deaf. He learns they need to go meet the Black Swan (who at that point they thought were maybe-murderers) to heal Sophie and that’s what he says? Wow. Real upstanding guy. It really just shows how he thinks this whole thing is a game, not a serious issue. (Yes, I know he later says that his jokes are a mask and that he does care and see the seriousness in an issue, however that doesn’t change the fact that his jokes are just straight-up insensitive to the people around him.) Also, remember what I said about Shannon using Keefe as narration? She does it like this, too, where she’ll recap a lot of what she just wrote using Keefe as a mouthpiece, just to make sure the audience really gets it. It’s a sign of insecure writing. But it’s not boring recap exposition, because a funny character says it! Right, guys?

“‘Of course I told them. Sheesh—you act like I’m some sort of troublemaker.’ He winked.” Take a shot everytime Keefe winks. You won’t even make it through half the series. It highlights another issue I have with Keefe. He thinks he’s so cool. With the swagger and the winking and the hair and the clothes, he tries way too hard to be ““““““cool””””””. And for me it just makes him extra cringy. But that’s completely subjective. Yes, I am aware it is a mask. It does not make it any less cringy. It just doesn't feel like something anyone would ever do in real life. I don't know how to explain that it just feels unrealistically fake. It’s just so . . . try-hard-y to me. 

“‘No—for the millionth time. You’ll know when we are because we’ll stop flying.’ ‘Okay, that’s how I’ll know when we’re there. But how are you going to know?’” Another example of Keefe being intentionally annoying, and another example of Keefe being so stupid you have to wonder if his abusive parents dropped him on his head as a child. Two for one!

Keefe continues to be stupid and annoying on purpose for a few more lines of dialogue during this scene, but it’s too much and I don’t want to copy it all. I’ve already put a sample in the previous bullet. 

Have to say, I love how annoyed Sophie is by Keefe in Exile. Everytime she is forced to involve him, she expresses visible annoyance. Wish that carried through the entire series.

“But then he leaned closer—close enough that she could feel his breath on her cheek as he said, ‘I know I crack a lot of jokes, Sophie, but . . . that’s just because it’s easier, you know? It’s how I deal. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care. I do. A lot.’” Ah, the famous boy-behind-the-jokes confession scene. First of all, why does he need to lean closer and get all up in Sophie’s personal space??? Especially since they are already really close together. That is so ugh. Secondly, just because he uses humor as a coping mechanism, doesn’t mean his jokes have to be rude, annoying, embarrassing, cringy, over-the-top, cracked at the wrong times, and just plain stupid. It’s possible to have a sense of humor that’s, get this, actually funny and cheers people up instead of tearing them down.

[cut because character limit]

“‘You don’t have to be. I meant what I told Sandor. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.’” How chivalrous. And how exactly is he going to do that? By being stupid at the kidnappers? Just the fact that Keefe thinks that he can protect Sophie shows how unprepared he is. But seriously, Keefe has only demonstrated stupidity up until this point. I still don’t understand how Grady thought it was a good idea to involve him. He’s just as vulnerable as Sophie, so that’s just a second person that’ll get hurt if something goes wrong. He’s not a bodyguard and he doesn’t have any training or special experience that would qualify him to protect Sophie. He’s just some guy. I think the logic was “Sophie’ll have a second person to protect her in case of an emergency”, but that makes no sense, because Keefe can’t bring anything to the table in terms of protection for Sophie. But how else are we going to kickstart a fan-favorite ship?

“He leaned back, taking his warmth with him. But at least she felt like she could breathe again.” Yep, Sophie literally felt like she couldn’t breathe because Keefe was all up in her personal space.

Everblaze

“‘Want me to push you?’ Keefe offered, laughing as Sophie jerked away from him ‘Come on, it’ll be fun—for me at least.’” (4) I have a physical copy of Everblaze, so I can list page numbers, and boy it didn’t take long for Keefe’s jerkish tendencies to show. He literally admits to Sophie that he’d find it fun to watch her be uncomfortable, which not only makes him completely selfish, but also somewhat cruel.

“But he shot Sophie a look that seemed to say, You will tell me everything later [ . . . ]” (63) Again, an example of Keefe insisting he should be a part of Sophie’s personal business. Why does he constantly want to know every single thing she knows? It’s none of his business.

“‘Dude, what is up with them not rhyming?’” (113) Shannon also does this thing where she’ll make Keefe use the same joke over and over and over. This is only the second time Keefe has made this joke, but it happens again and again and again. And even though the first time was pretty funny, the overuse kills the joke. 

“‘Write this down, Gigantor: You may not want to meet, but we definitely do. Name a time and a place or we’ll pelt you with sparkly poo.’” (114) I really wish Shannon would stop with the potty humor. Keefe is fourteen, not six. It makes him look even more annoying and childish. 

“‘That’s why you keep me around. Well, that and my stunning good looks.’” (115) More of Keefe’s trademark cringy and tone deaf flirtation. Nobody talks like this in real life, Shannon, because they would be laughed at.

“‘But I’m coming over after school and you’ll tell me whatever you’re hiding.’” (121) It is so annoying how Keefe thinks he’s entitled to Sophie’s secrets. He doesn’t ask her. Just forces his way in, just like he forced his way into everything else. It’s textbook manipulation. And she does. Not because she trusts him. But because he forces his way into everything. 

“‘You let Keefe help.’ ‘Not by choice.’” (124) Sophie literally admits that she didn’t want Keefe to help her. But in typical Keefe fashion, he forces his way into everything, because he’s nosy and rude and can’t keep himself in line. I’ve said this already and I’ll probably say it again, but I wouldn’t mind this if Shannon treated it like a real character flaw instead of just a quirky little trait. I would be okay with it if Keefe realized what he was doing was wrong and apologized and made an effort to get better. But he never does. 

“‘This is just a normal day for you, isn’t it?’ Keefe asked . . . ‘Go to school find out you’re covered in a dangerous substance, melt off a few layers of skin, and then hail your besty Councillor, tell him you’re ditching study hall to save the world, and he says “Cool, I’ll come with you!”’” (149) Leaving aside the objectively incorrect spelling of bestie, here's another example of Shannon using Keefe to recap and narrate at the audience. It’s like she doesn’t trust us to understand the story ourselves. You don’t need to pat yourself on the back by summarizing what just happened, Shannon. It doesn’t make it any less exposition-y if the character info-dumping stuff we already know at us is ““““““funny””””””.

“Keefe replaced it immediately. ‘I could do this all day.’ [ . . . ] Then he snatched the rest of Sophie’s effluxers and raced away, stabbing them in random places all over the grassy field.” (179) Keefe understands why guarding the school from ogres is so important, and yet he treats it like a joke. I’ve seen people say that Keefe can be serious when he knows something is important, but here he is, abusing a serious security protocol for cheap laughs and frustrating Sophie. He tries his very hardest to be annoying and honestly if I were Sophie, I’d just walk away and let him do his own thing. He can’t be serious, and he’s incapable of thinking about anything except playtime for more than a few seconds at a time. 

[cut because character limit]

“Okay, I’ve changed my mind,’ Keefe said . . . ‘Let’s plant this somewhere she’ll trigger it.’” (181) Keefe gets Sophie in trouble and once again shows no remorse. I don’t understand why Sophie hangs around him when she doesn’t need him in any capacity (at this point) and all he does is annoy, embarrass, and get her in trouble. If you want to get in trouble, that’s your prerogative. But dragging others unwillingly into your plan is one of the most selfish, egregious acts you can do.

“‘Has he ever even had detention?’ ‘Only when he listens to me. [ . . . ]’” (183) Yet another example of Keefe dragging someone down with him, this time being Fitz.

“‘Clearly it’s not a good idea to get you angry. Uh-oh, should I be afraid?’” (221) Keefe continues to be annoying on purpose.

“‘Oh—maybe we could be the Keefitzter!’” (343) When will Shannon stop torturing me with this painful nickname humor?

“‘That doesn’t really have the same ring,’ Keefe told her [ . . . ]” (344) This is like the third time he’s made this joke. Repeating a joke over and over doesn’t make it funnier; it’s quite the opposite, actually. 

“‘Nah, I’ll save it for my own wedding. Make my bride feel even luckier.’ He winked.” (396) I think the worst part is he really thinks he’s being smooth there. Honestly, it just comes off as needy.

“‘ . . . keep in mind that Miss Foster is, and always will be, my first priority.’ ‘Mine too,’ Keefe said [ . . . ]” (408) Another thing that strikes me as incredibly weird with Keefe is this strange obsession he has with Sophie. It becomes incredibly apparent in later books, but it definitely starts here. Sophie should really just be another random friend he’s made at Foxfire, but he’s willing to go to so much trouble for her, but why? There’s not a particular reason. Sophie didn’t do anything that meant he owed her and therefore had to help her and they didn’t have a particularly strong bond at all before he forced his way into her reverse-Alden’s-guilt plan. It’s understandable now that they’re closer friends, but the fact that he was just ready to fly across the ocean for a somewhat random girl is just. Very strange. Keefe is a massive case of obsessed-with-the-love-interest syndrome that plagues YA novels everywhere you go. And he doesn’t even have a particularly good reason.

“‘Cute and smart. No wonder Dex gave you a ring.’” (410) Keefe continues to make unfunny jokes that embarrass Sophie for his own amusement. 

“Plotting and scheming really were Keefe’s forte.” (431) We’ve been told this, but it’s simply not true. Keefe hasn’t come up with a single good plan up until this point, so I don’t know what Sophie’s talking about. Telling isn’t showing, Shannon. Show us a single good plan that Keefe has come up with. You can’t just tell us that and expect us to believe it because “Oh, it’s Keefe!!!”

“‘Admit it, Foster—you’ve been checking out the Keefster. And maybe even . . . the keester.’ [ . . . ] ‘[ . . . ] Unless you’d rather I go first so you can admire the view.’” (440) I think this might be Keefe’s cringiest joke yet. It’s a perfect combination of Keefe humor: annoying, embarrassing, tone-deaf, a dash of potty humor, all topped off with a finale of horrific flirtation. 

Neverseen

“‘I totally could’ve pulled that off. But then again, I’m Batman, so’—he draped an arm over Sophie’s shoulders—‘I could be your hero any day.’” (9) Keefe's horrible flirting is back. And he very obviously sees himself as Sophie’s “hero”, ready to save the day for her, as if she’s completely helpless. (I know it seems like this is just a joke at the moment, but there are several moments later on down the line that prove this point. I just wanted to put this quote here so I don’t miss it later.) That’s another thing I hate about Keefe. He’s always sacrificing a good plan for his own, because he thinks he’s smarter than everyone else and wants to be the hero. (Again, there are several moments later that showcase this, we’ll get there.)

“Keefe grabbed Fitz’s wrist and pressed his fingers against the exposed skin. ‘Hate to break it to you, but I can tell you’re hiding something.’” (26) Another example of Keefe breaching personal boundaries and using his empathy to extort secrets out of people to get him to tell things they wouldn’t ordinarily tell him. This happens a lot starting in this book, and yes, I am going to point them all out. By the way, what Fitz was hiding was not at all important to their mission. It’s a secret of Sophie’s that Fitz accidentally saw and was forced to tell because of Keefe. And Keefe tries to make fun of Sophie for it, but is cut off.

“‘[ . . . ] and tell the Black Swan to knock it off with the lame, non-rhyming riddles.’” (27) Shannon, repeating a joke for the umpteenth time isn’t going to make it funnier. And Keefe gets this the worst.

“‘You know he’s going to keep pushing until he gets what he wants, right?’” (31) That quote is said about Keefe, for context. And yes, I do know that. It’s one of Keefe’s most annoying qualities. But what I want to focus on is the fact that Shannon herself acknowledges that. It’s not like she isn’t aware. She just doesn’t want to give Keefe any development, instead treating it like a quirky little habit. 

“‘Uh, you guys are totally ignoring the much more important question,’ Keefe interrupted [ . . . ] ‘Am I the only one who’s noticed that dude is naked?’” (38) Keefe doesn’t know how to be serious, even when the time calls for it. They were in the middle of a discussion about how the Neverseen could’ve set a fire in the Forbidden Cities, and Keefe just jumps in and completely derails the conversation for a joke. Keefe. Learn the time and the place for this sort of behavior. No, indeed, Keefe cannot be serious, even when the time calls for it.

“‘They’ll have to keep their faces very close together,’ Mr. Forkle noted. ‘Foster and I volunteer!’ Keefe shouted.” (59) Volunteering someone for a very uncomfortable experience without their permission, ah yes, my favorite. And yes, Dex does it too, and so do Fitz and Mr. Forkle. I’m not exempting any of them from the blame. I’m just saying that this was something Keefe unironically said (and he said it first, too).

“He leaped from his pleisosaur to hers and prodded Sophie’s eckodon to swim away from the rest of the group.” (63) Shannon forgot to add “without Sophie’s permission and without giving any thought to breached personal boundaries” to the end of that sentence. Seriously, he just leaped onto Sophie’s eckodon with no sign she wanted him to, just because . . . he wanted to? Sophie’s wishes? Never heard of them.

“‘Relax,’ he said, tightening his grip on Sophie’s waist. ‘I won’t let you fall.’” (63) I hate when Keefe does things that Sophie doesn’t need “for Sophie”. It’s his worst quality, by a long shot. He projects what he thinks Sophie wants and then tries to fulfill his projection. Sophie wasn’t even scared she was going to fall. And he randomly starts putting his hands all over her. But I guess when you’re a love interest, that can be seen as ““““““romantic””””””. Keefe stop treating Sophie like a helpless object that he needs to save challenge.

[cut because character limit]

“‘I will never let my mom hurt you again.’” (63) It’s hilarious that he thinks he can control that. Just adds to his mind-numbing stupidity. There’s naivete, then there’s Keefe. Also, this entire scene is the first in a series of scenes that I like to call “forced consolation”, where either Keefe or Sophie will try to reassure the other of some fear they don’t have or are just not in control of. Shannon loves to lather these scenes up with “I promise I won’t hate you”s and “I will do everything I can to protect you”s and all sorts of other things that feel either forced or over-the-top. And at the end of the scene, you feel nothing’s changed or developed. It’s just Sophie and Keefe repeating things at each other and at the end you just feel like it was handled with too heavy a hand and you didn’t really get anywhere. In other words, it’s one of Shannon’s favorite forms of filler.

“‘Thanks,’ he whispered back, so close she could feel his breath on her cheek.” (65) He managed to be even creepier! Wow! This feels incredibly forced, too. I think Shannon assumes she can make any scene “romantic” if she makes Keefe lean too close to Sophie and then makes a mention of Sophie's heartbeat.

“‘We know some of the Neverseen are hiding in Ravagog. Give me a green crystal and I’ll hunt them down.’” (90) Moments that make me want to shove Keefe into a brick wall. Is he stupid??? Like, genuinely. He is so dumb. I cannot stand stupid characters. Maybe that’s me, but oh my gosh. This. This is just. I don’t even have the words to describe how stupid Keefe is. And the worst part is Keefe clearly thinks this is a smart plan. Like, wow. He’s so arrogant he genuinely thinks he’s the savior they all need. Not a stupid, reckless boy with no experience or training who’s going to get himself killed. Keefe. What are you on.

“‘Why is everyone assuming I’m going to get caught?’ Keefe asked. ‘You guys are clearly forgetting how awesome I am!’” (91) Because you will. Hundred percent guarantee. He knows nothing about ogres and their technology, nothing about sneaking into places with a large amount of security, he probably doesn’t even know what a Markchain is and why he’ll be found out because of not having it. The English language doesn’t have the words necessary to describe how dumb Keefe is. And he doesn’t even realize it. He’s just so convinced he’s better than anyone else and that other people haven’t created anything strong enough to hold the all-knowing Keefe Sencen. But stupid characters that genuinely think they’re amazing is a personal pet peeve of mine. 

“Fitz said something else too, but it was drowned out by the plethora of gagging sounds coming from Dex and Keefe.” (96) I don’t like Dex either, but that’s not what this is about, so we’re gonna leave that alone for now. Anyway, Keefe and Dex are both incredibly immature, acting like six-year-olds as opposed to thirteen and fourteen. And it’s rude. It’s not a good quality. They clearly do it on purpose to be annoying, so. Tearing down people because you can’t keep your nose out of their business is just not good behavior. Again, I’d be fine if Keefe showed some development. But as far as I know, he never apologizes for his rude behavior at all. (I believe Dex does, though, so Shannon clearly knows this is a possibility.)

“‘In fact, after I swear fealty I should have you all call me Emo.’” (110) I don’t think you know what emo means, Keefe. Also, in my humble opinion, it makes no sense that elves have a concept of being emo. My guess is this is Shannon’s attempt to make Keefe seem more like Tam. But more on that later.

“‘You’ll be Sophitz! Or Fitzphie!’” (110) I hate it when authors put ship names in their stories. It’s so cringy and almost feels like the author is trying to pat themselves on the back for acknowledging a certain ship in the series. And of course, it’s an undeniable aspect of Keefe’s “humor”. I can’t just not address it. 

“‘We can be Keefex!’” (111) Another instance of putting ship names into the series, although I doubt Shannon meant it that way.

[cut because character limit]

“‘Yeah, Fitz can pull off anything.’ Sophie blushed as she considered the implication of her words. Keefe groaned. ‘I knew we should’ve gone with the balding elixir. Next time!’” (123) To be fair, the argument I’m about to make is very thin, and I acknowledge that, so feel free to disregard it. But notice how Keefe immediately suggests a balding elixir right after Sophie complimented Fitz’s looks. It’s almost like he’s jealous of Fitz, which is not a bad thing, necessarily. Jealousy is a very natural thing to feel. But so many people try to make arguments that Fitz was cruel and jealous toward Keefe later on down the line, so I thought I’d point out an example where (in my opinion) Keefe is being jealous.

“‘And don’t think I was going to allow a Sophex meeting to happen.’” (135) More cringy ship name “humor”. 

“‘Anyone else getting tired of the Black Swan bossing us around?’” (142) God, Keefe’s whininess is so annoying in this book. Yes, the Black Swan are being annoying. But he should’ve dropped it after the first few times that he complained. Complaining isn’t going to fix anything and only makes him look annoying. 

“‘Is it okay if I enter your mind?’ Fitz asked. ‘Dude, do you realize how creepy that sounds?’ Keefe interrupted. ‘It’s less creepy than reading her feelings all the time without telling her,’ Fitz argued. ‘Hey, it’s not like I try to do that! You’re just mad that Foster can’t hide things from me.’” (144) Keefe gets bored, so he interrupts Sophie and Fitz’s cognate training for no reason. You know, because he’s incapable of keeping his nose out of others’ business for two seconds. And not only that, he has the audacity to say he doesn’t try to read Sophie’s emotions. Sure, he’s not doing it all the time, every time, but he does it when he feels she’s hiding something. I’ve already pointed out several instances of this, and there are many more to come. Instead of letting her keep her secrets and tell him on her own time, you know, out of trust, he uses his empathy to force it out of her, or pressure her to talk when she’s not ready (which by the way, is a textbook sign of a toxic relationship). He does this to people besides Sophie, as well. So yes, it is creepy. Way more creepy and toxic than asking someone for permission, by the way. So not only is Keefe straight-up lying about not trying to read Sophie’s emotions, he’s defending it. And the last part where he says that Fitz is jealous because Sophie can hide things from him. He’s missing the point entirely. When someone tells you something willingly, without being extorted or pressured, they trust you. When you have to force them and guilt them into telling you, they don’t trust you. So Fitz has no real reason to be jealous here. Keefe’s just being an asshole.

“‘You make her super nervous,’ Keefe answered for her. Sophie wished the Black Swan had given her laser eyes so she could skewer Keefe with her death glare.” (144) Keefe not only reads Sophie’s emotions without her permission, he also breaches several boundaries by announcing them to the entire room before she’s ready or when she doesn't want to. Why? Because he’s selfish and wants to cause a scene. Why? Because he’s bored. I wish I were kidding. That is seriously the reason. He got bored. He doesn’t care about Sophie’s feelings, or else he would respect them. 

“‘Promise me you won’t hate me,’ he whispered.” (175) We go into another one of Shannon’s famous forced consolation scenes. It makes no sense that Keefe would worry about Sophie hating him. He hasn’t done a single thing to make her hate him. Shannon just realized that she needs something for Sophie to comfort Keefe over, so she pulled something out of her ass. And it makes no sense. 

It makes so little sense that Sophie tried so hard with Keefe, but didn’t do the same with Fitz and Biana in Exile. This forced consolation scene goes on, ending in a “window slumber party”. Another thing I don’t like about Keefe is that it’s very obvious that Shannon favors him. It’s very unsubtle.

[cut because character limit]

“Keefe ruined the moment by grumbling. ‘But you didn’t learn anything! You had the Neverseen right in front of you—you talked to him!’” (197) That’s right, everyone. The sweet, selfless Keefe blamed Sophie for failing to learn anything! Which, by the way, he never apologizes for and never shows remorse for.

“Sophie heard him mumble under his breath, ‘He was right in front of them.’” (198) Keefe continues to blame Sophie for not figuring anything out, as if he could’ve done any better.

“‘My mom was probably part of everything that went down with Jolie.’” (221) No??? No! Jolie died over sixteen years ago. Keefe says this in response to the knowledge that his mom joined the Neverseen shortly after becoming pregnant with him. Keefe is only fourteen, meaning Lady Gisela was not part of what went down with Jolie. This is probably just Shannon forgetting her timeline again, but oh, boy, does it make Keefe look stupid. 

“‘When you or Fitz start dating, there will be crying in the Foxfire halls.’” (236) Another example of Shannon trying way too hard to make him seem “popular” and “cool”. It appears she hasn’t set foot in a school, because that’s not how it actually works.

“‘Everyone loves the bad boys.’” (236) Did. Did Shannon unironically write that??? I’m laughing. Oh my gosh. The sheer tone-deafness and cringe, I can’t.

“‘And Fitz isn’t perfect, by the way.’ ‘He’s close enough.’” (238) No??? Nobody is. And here’s a fine example of another forced consolation scene. Keefe lathers it up with the self-pity and feeling sorry for himself, and later on down the road, Shannon realizes that and her solution to that particular problem is hilariously atrocious. I’m writing this quote in blue so that it’s easy to come back to later, because I’m going to talk about it once we get there. But for now: Keefe’s personal pity party is clearly only there to make the audience pity him. All he’s doing right now is acting weirdly whiny and jealous of Fitz for . . . being “perfect”? Which again, jealousy is natural. But Keefe has never in his life tried to achieve perfection, and has in fact always tried to do the exact opposite, so why would he be jealous of Fitz for being perfect all of a sudden? It’s completely out of character for him. Shannon. You can’t just make Keefe jealous of Fitz for the sake of being jealous of Fitz because you want a forced consolation scene. It has to make sense. Keefe would never be jealous of Fitz for this particular reason. Keefe doesn’t try to be perfect at all. Why would he care that Fitz is “perfect”?

“‘I hate watching it,’ he whispered. ‘Them and Della. It’s all so happy and easy.’” (238) Wanted to include this because this is a good example of how jealousy actually works. Keefe has never had a loving family. So naturally, seeing a loving family would make him jealous. So, again, I will give credit where credit is due: this makes sense for him. 

“‘And you’re also there when your friends need you.’” (238) That is a laughably twisted version of the events of the previous couple of books. Keefe is not “there when his friends need him”, rather he forces his ways into their plans by either pressuring them or using his empathy very dubiously. The way Shannon has tried to twist Keefe into this pitiable, pathetic boy is just. Not working, when you consider what he’s been doing for the past few books. Just straight shot after straight shot of him annoying and embarrassing the crap out of Sophie and extorting things she very clearly doesn’t want to tell him out of her.

“‘[ . . . ] you promised you wouldn’t hate me.’” (239) Obligatory “don’t hate me” plea from this particular forced consolation scene. 

[cut because character limit]

“His aim with the throwing stars was flawless [ . . . ]” (343) How??? He hasn’t had any proper training??? And this goes for the climax of Exile, too, by the way. Shannon once again wants Keefe to be flawless at everything and save Sophie, but she fails to make any of it make sense, because Keefe never trains with throwing stars. This is a textbook sign of a character the author wants to make look “cool” without making it make any sense whatsoever. Why is he good at using throwing stars? Not because he trained! Probably because Shannon just wanted to make him look cool and badass. 

“‘You know what I think when I see things like that?’ ‘I never should’ve agreed to help such a loser—even if he has awesome hair?’” (345) Here’s another forced consolation scene. Why would Keefe think Sophie thought that, when literally a few seconds ago she confirmed she didn’t? I’m not kidding, Sophie literally says “‘You shouldn’t have to carry all that alone’” (345) just a couple of lines right before this line. She clearly doesn’t think Keefe is a loser, but he’s so wrapped up in his self-pity, he’s not listening to her. Shannon’s trying to milk the shit out of this, so she repeats the same thing over and over and over to instill pity for Keefe. And again, she lathers it up and uses too heavy a hand, so it just feels like we’re suffocating in Sophie’s pity for Keefe, not to mention Keefe’s pity for himself. 

“‘I have a major dark side, Sophie.’” (347) Shannon tried to make this all serious and dark, but it just made me laugh. Like, no. He doesn’t. He doesn’t have a dark side whatsoever. He’s stupid, sure, but he’s really soft, too. The fact that Shannon is trying to get us to believe that and trying to put us on edge is laughable. 

“[ . . . ] ‘and it’s a lot creepier when it’s Sophorkle.’” (369) Did. Did Shannon actually write that???? And the editor saw nothing wrong with that??? Oh, boy . . . I don’t even think I have to explain this one. And yes, this is in the name of Keefe cringy-ass “humor”.

“‘If you’re saying we should sneak into ogreville instead of sitting here watching Dex poke a gadget with sticks, I’m in,’ Keefe said [ . . . ] Keefe tried to drag her toward the door.” (405) Why did Shannon make that so literal? She literally made Keefe just be like We’re going to Ravagog right this minute, and then had him drag Sophie to the door. Like, wow. The literalness of the action is just so cartoonish and comical. Like I’m watching an animated cartoon for seven year olds. I don’t know how else to describe this.

“‘I say we storm Ravagog,’ Keefe said. ‘Who’s in?’” (457) Keefe continues to push for a plan that has no merits whatsoever and will just put people in danger. You know, because he couldn’t use his brain if his life depended on it. Also the way he says it implies he sees it as this fun joke-like thing, not something that needs serious thought put into it.

“‘And I thought secret Telepath conversations were the worst. Just so we’re clear,’ he told Tam. ‘I’m the president of the Foster fan club. And we’re closed to new members.’” (474) Keefe acts jealous of Tam for . . . talking to Sophie. What a great guy. What a non-possessive, non-controlling, completely justified thing to do. He acts like Sophie just talking to a guy is a threat to him. And let’s be honest, he says that the Foster Fan Club is “closed to new members” because he’s worried about whether Tam could like Sophie, or vice versa. And the fact that his idea is to try to stop Tam and Sophie from talking to each other is easily the ickiest thing he has done. Like, please go bang your head several times into a wall, Keefe. Hard.

[cut because character limit]

“‘Someone needs to tell Shade Boy the role of Troublemaker with Daddy Issues is already filled.’” (478) I- I don’t even have the words to describe how uncaring this is. Keefe literally sees a struggling teen and his first thought is “My ‘position’ is in danger”. How selfish is that? Tam (and Linh) have struggled way more than Keefe can even comprehend and yet all he can think about is this stupid jealousy he has for Tam. Also, the fact that he literally thinks in stereotypes and archetypes is laughably bad writing on Shannon’s part. Dumbing people down to categories to check off is atrociously terrible writing, and this is another symptom of Shannon using Keefe as a narrator to tell the audience things she doesn’t trust us to pick up on ourselves. She doesn’t trust us to know that Keefe is a troublemaker with daddy issues, so she has to tell us. Just like she doesn’t trust us to realize the same about Tam, so she has to tell us. 

“He’d turned into the boy in the boobrie dude’s tent again—scared and angry and lost.” (479) That doesn’t justify his callousness and horrible behavior towards Tam. Just because you can see why someone is doing something, doesn’t automatically absolve them of blame. Someone should’ve kept Keefe in line by explaining how tone deaf that comment was. But of course, since it’s Keefe, his actions will always be justified by the narrative instead of corrected.

“Keefe laughed. ‘Annnnnnnnd, the Foster panicking begins.’ ‘I’m not panicking,’ Sophie told him [ . . . ] She ignored Keefe’s laughter as she gave Fitz permission to enter her mind.” (496) First of all, counting and typing out all those Ns was a nightmare. Second of all, I think the reason Keefe’s intrusive behavior is accepted is because it’s just so normal. It’s just something you expect to happen with him because it’s Keefe, and treated like a joke. But it shouldn’t happen. Just because Keefe can feel Sophie’s emotions, doesn’t mean he has to tell them to people she’s clearly uncomfortable telling them to. And third of all, he laughs. He laughs because she’s panicking. What an upstanding guy.

“‘Whoa, now everything’s red and ripply,’ Fitz said. ‘Is that because she’s angry?’” (497) Keefe literally annoyed Sophie for his own amusement and fun. You know, as good friends do.

“‘Just tell them to stare into each other’s eyes and they’ll be good.’ ‘None of that, Mr. Sencen.’” (497) I will give credit where credit is due, Shannon did finally hold Keefe to a modicum of accountability. But this is the one time in all his atrocious behavior that he’s been held accountable, and even then, he never says sorry. 

“‘Why didn’t you tell me about this?’ Fitz whispered to her. ‘Dude, you don’t get to ask that,’ Keefe told him.” (505) Fitz can ask whatever the hell he wants. Especially concerning a group that they are all fighting. Telling someone they don’t get to ask why something was hidden from them is so completely out of line. And guess who calls Keefe out on this? Nobody.

“‘Because I seem to remember you having a bummer few weeks and then everything went back to perfect Vacker-land. So where’s my perfect fix?’” (505) Keefe disregards other people’s feelings and problems if he sees them as not as bad as his own. Now, you might be thinking, didn’t Fitz lash out at Sophie during Exile? Why isn’t that bad? Well, that’s not as bad because Fitz realizes what he did was wrong, apologizes for what he did and tries his hardest to improve and develop. You’ll notice we don’t get a similar heartfelt apology from Keefe for this incredibly hurtful and invalidating statement, or anything else he does or says throughout this book.

[cut because character limit]

“She knew Keefe didn’t want to talk to her, but when she saw his lights on she couldn’t walk away.” (507) Another piece of evidence suggesting that Sophie paid way more attention to Keefe and spent way more time making sure he knew she was there for him than she did with Fitz and Biana in a similar situation. Here Keefe is mad at her, not wanting to see her, and she still tries too hard to make him see reason, which is not something she does with anyone else. And that is another thing I hate about Keefe: Shannon shows clear favoritism toward him. He gets let off the hook for things other people don’t. He gets Sophie trying and trying and trying to make him see reason when he’s mad. And later, he gets a plotline all to himself, and takes up so much page time, it squeezes the other characters out. You can already see it in this book. 

“[ . . . ] she could’ve sworn he muttered something about Sophitz.” (510) Keefe is a horrific friend. He tears Sophie and Fitz’s cognate relationship (and friendship) down every chance he gets, and nobody calls him out on his incredibly possessive behavior.

“‘How are you going to get inside the city? And if you do get in—what then? You don’t even know where you’re going.’ ‘I’ll figure it out.’” (560) Keefe is so unbelievably stupid. The justification Shannon gave was that the guilt is making him reckless, but recklessness doesn’t equal stupidity. And when Sophie asks him perfectly valid questions, he says “I’ll figure it out”, meaning he put not a single thought into this. He’s really so arrogant that he thinks he can just walk into Ravagog with no plan and steal the cure. God, he’s so stupid, they should just leave him out of their plans for everyone’s safety. Stupid characters are a particular pet peeve of mine, so if I seem angrier than I should be, that’s why.

“‘Fine. I’ll wait until tomorrow night,’ he said. ‘Then I’m leaving.’” (561) Sophie didn’t even manage to completely dissuade him, she just stalled him. That proves that Sophie can’t save him from himself. Nobody can. And later, Keefe puts so much more than himself at risk. He has Sophie constantly worrying about him, so his actions affect her, too. That’s selfish behavior. And how much does he grow from it? I’m sure you can guess. 

“‘Yeah, this is why I should go by myself,’ Keefe said. The suggestion was met with a resounding ‘No!’ But Sophie knew Keefe wasn’t going to listen. If she didn’t figure something out, he would go alone.” (564) They just talked through all the challenges of their plan, none of which Keefe has a solution to, yet he’s still arrogant enough to believe that he can do it all himself. Stupid characters that think they’re great are the worst kind of character to me. The fact that Keefe genuinely thinks he can sneak past ogres and find the cure is mind boggling. He thinks he’s so great that he won’t get caught, but we know he would’ve. Someone is going to pop out of the ground and say “Well, he’s only fourteen!!!” Yeah, he’s fourteen, but this is straight stupidity, not youthful naivete. And the fact that Sophie specifically thinks to herself that he’ll go if they don’t figure something out just proves how selfish he is. Nobody wants him to go alone. He’s not achieving anything for anyone, and his actions do more harm than good. So, no, his actions are not selfless. More so the opposite than anything. He’s doing something that nobody wants and nobody needs. Except himself, of course. 

[cut because character limit]

“‘Oh good, Bangs Boy decided to join us,’ Keefe grumbled [ . . . ]” (570) Instead of being grateful for extra help that could get them out alive, Keefe continues to take shots at Tam for no reason. No reason other than he’s strangely possessive of Sophie, of course. Also, can I just say that Shannon wrote this rivalry so poorly? It’s not even a rivalry. It’s completely one-sided. And in later books, Shannon tries so hard to convince us that Keefe and Tam don’t like each other and it’s this whole thing and it’s all drama and this and that and the other. But she puts so little effort into describing why they don’t like each other that it falls so flat. Tam doesn’t even dislike Keefe. My guess is that he just (rightfully) sees Keefe as a nuisance. So really, it’s just Keefe that has this pathetic hatred for Tam, while Tam barely even acknowledges Keefe. As he should. But that’s just a guess. To know for sure, Shannon would actually have to focus on characters that aren’t Sophie and Keefe, so. 

“‘How do we know his little Shade tricks are even going to work?’” (572) Valid point, but Keefe is so unnecessarily mean and rude with that comment.

“Keefe snorted. ‘How does it feel to be rejected by dust?’ ‘Pretty good, actually,’ Tam snapped back, ‘since it means I can survive this mission.’” (573) Yeah, get his ass. About time someone called Keefe’s constant whining out. Keefe continues to haggle on Tam’s power, which will no doubt save his life several times, for no other reason than his pathetic hatred for Tam. 

“‘I could be back with the cure while the rest of you guys are still sleeping.’” (575) Words cannot describe how much I want Keefe to try to do just that, so the ogres can lock him in a cell and we never have to see him or his stupidity or arrogance again.

“Dude, you did not just insult the Hair.’” (581) Have some more cringy Keefe humor.

“Sophie couldn’t fight back her sob as Keefe handed Alvar the cache.” (661) We’ve at last arrived at the famous betrayal scene. And this is Keefe’s most selfish, asshole-ish action yet. First of all, it’s not him who was entrusted with the safety of the cache. It was Sophie. Which means that by handing over the cache, he puts her in massive potential danger with the Council, not himself. But that’s typical Keefe behavior. Thinking about how your actions will affect the people around you? Never heard of her. If the Council entrusted the cache to him, then it would be somewhat less selfish, because he’s the one that would then be in trouble with the Council. So he puts Sophie in danger and tosses the world’s most important secrets to a terrorist group without a thought in the direction of how he’s going to get it back. And for what? For the miniscule chance that the Neverseen would trust him and he could learn something important enough to finish this? That’s the thing with Keefe. He’s stupid, but he doesn’t think he is. He takes huge risks where the reward can’t in any scenario measure up to the price. It was a stupid risk. Not in any capacity could anything he learned ever measure up. But of course, Keefe thinks it’s brilliant. Because, you know. He’s stupid. Tell me why anyone trusts this guy again? Oh, and in case you think that Keefe learns or grows from this mistake, just you wait.

“‘I have to do this,’ he said. ‘Please don’t hate me.’” (663) Keefe has no right to ask this of Sophie in this scenario. He’s chosen his path, and that was his choice. He will and should suffer the consequences of that choice. Including all the people who now see him as a traitor. But of course, since this is Keefe, he doesn’t suffer a single consequence, and Sophie never truly hates him, although that would’ve encouraged at least a single iota of development for Keefe’s arc. 

Lodestar

“‘Sorry my note was so hasty. Next time I’ll make sure it rhymes.’” Sorry, no more page numbers, I don’t have a physical copy. I don’t know why Shannon insists on running the rhyming joke into the ground. Repeating the same joke over and over doesn’t make it funnier. 

So the thing about this scene where Keefe breaks into the principal’s office is that he does get held somewhat accountable. Every time he makes a joke and isn’t serious, Sophie calls him out. When he plays dumb and says he didn’t expect Sophie to hate him, she calls him out. He tries to defend his atrocious plan, she shuts him down. But that doesn’t last. 

“And there it was. Keefe’s guilt.” I still don’t understand what Keefe is guilty over. Because Shannon doesn’t bother to make it make sense. No logical person would feel guilty over their parent’s betrayal. Especially not when they didn’t like that parent much to start with. But how else are we going to get our precious forced consolation scenes, if Shannon can’t make up something for Keefe to angst over?

“‘What is the Lodestar Initiative?’ she pressed. ‘And what other lost memories did you recover? You said there were more.’ ‘It doesn’t matter.’ ‘Obviously it does.’” Sophie tries to get solid answers from Keefe and he continues to withhold. These aren’t just any old personal secrets either, they’re secrets that have something to do with the enemy they’re both fighting. By keeping this information away from Sophie, Keefe actively hinders her cause. But of course, he’s so stupid and arrogant and thinks he knows what’s best for Sophie that he’ll never see it that way. He is such a frustrating character and this book is almost the worst portrayal of him. 

“‘There’s always a choice, Keefe.’ ‘Yeah—I’m going to find a way to end this on my terms. That’s my choice.’” Wow, Keefe is such an arrogant idiot. He really just admitted that he was the only person he was going to listen to. Not anyone smarter than him, more experienced than him, hell, not even Sophie, who he’s supposedly doing this for. No, it’s just his way or the highway. Because he thinks he’s smarter than everyone else. Including their enemies, who have proven time and time again to be at least twenty-two steps ahead. He doesn’t even bring up his plan with the Black Swan. They might’ve taught him or told him something that could help. But no. He does it all himself, but he only cares about his own opinion, and Sophie’s. Oh and by the way, Sophie doesn’t call him out on any of this this time around.

“‘What happens when they notice it’s gone?’ He shrugged.” He literally just admitted he didn’t have a plan. That’s his thing. He’ll do something reckless (like giving Sophie the pendant back) and then not think about the consequences. He is so stupid, it hurts my soul. I cannot fathom how he manages to entertain this delusion that he can beat the Neverseen single-handedly. 

“‘You’d rather keep hurting the people who care about you?’ ‘I’m helping you!’ ‘And hurting us.’” He’s not helping. At all. Helping would be executing a plan that everyone agreed was a good idea. Helping would be brainstorming ideas for a plan with a group, so they can figure out all the pros and cons and go from there. Helping would be being there for the people that need him. But, no. Keefe instead embarks on a selfish quest to end things all by himself so that he can feel good about himself and maybe even so that Sophie will think highly of him. He doesn’t care about anyone else, he just cares about himself. If he did care about other people, he would consult them and consider their advice instead of disregarding it and assuming he’s the smartest person in the room, when in actuality, he’s most likely the stupidest. By a lot.

[cut because character limit]

“‘That’s what I’d been hoping for. But [Fitz] didn’t even raise his voice. He just looked away so I wouldn’t see him crying. So did Biana. Even Dex teared up.’ Seconds ticked by. Maybe minutes. It felt like forever before Keefe whispered, ‘What about you?’ [ . . . ] ‘I also helped you escape,’ Keefe reminded her.” Another thing that is so irritating about Keefe is how he doesn’t care about anyone except Sophie and puts her on this pedestal. He doesn’t care about any of his friends as much as he does Sophie, and he only bothers opening up to her. He doesn’t try to form a bond with anyone else, and he neglects all his other friends for Sophie. In this example, when Sophie tells him how the others reacted, he simply changes the subject back to her, instead of saying something about the others. When Sophie tells him how she reacted, he acts interested again. 

“‘Even if it is, the things you’re doing are real. That cache could destroy everything. And you handed it over like it was no big deal—’ ‘Because it wasn’t! They can’t open it. They’ve had all their Technopaths working on it, and they can’t break through the security.’ ‘And when they finally figure it out?’ ‘I’ll steal it back long before that happens. I can handle this, Sophie.’” No, he can’t. He’s proven that he’s incapable of thinking even an inch into the future, with his response to the monocle pendant situation. There’s no feasible way Keefe could’ve known how incompetent the Neverseen’s Technopaths are at getting into the cache. He’d never even heard of a cache before Neverseen. So it could’ve backfired massively. And how is he going to steal it back? He has no plan. He doesn’t know what he’s doing.

“‘It’s not a test. They . . . sent me here.’ ‘Why would they do that?’ Keefe’s eyes returned to the ceiling. ‘Probably because I suggested it.’” So let me get this straight: Keefe told the Neverseen to send him to Foxfire where all his friends go to school, and he thinks they didn’t find that suspicious at all? I'm laughing. Honestly, that’s hilarious.

“‘Miss Foster understands Mr. Sencen in ways the rest of us simply cannot. [ . . . ] He opened up to her. Leaned on her. Trusted her.’” Yes, because she wouldn’t leave him alone. Which is not a level of effort she put into anyone else’s problems. Think about when Fitz was spiraling over his father in Exile. Or when Fitz got stabbed. She didn’t pay nearly as much attention as she did to Keefe in his times of crisis. Again, Shannon has a massive bias toward Keefe. He’s treated much better than the rest of the supporting cast. But somehow, despite that, he doesn’t get any development at all. And the reason Keefe opened up to Sophie and nobody else is because he only cares about her opinion, and nobody else’s. He pedestalizes her heavily.

[cut because character limit]

“‘Need I remind you that Keefe’s doing the same thing our daughter tried to do?’” Oh, boy. I hate when people use this argument. In short, while Jolie and Keefe had the same plan, their executions couldn’t have been more different. Jolie was reached out to by both sides and the Neverseen had no idea that she was involved with the Black Swan at all. The Neverseen are well aware of Keefe’s involvement with the Black Swan. So, where Jolie just had to get the Neverseen to trust her, Keefe has to convince them that he betrayed his friends, a much harder task. Jolie also had a feasible motive, to get her bad match status erased. Keefe doesn’t have anything even resembling a possible reason for why he’d want to join the Neverseen. So the Neverseen are going to be even more suspicious of him. Jolie trained. She told the Black Swan what she was doing. She planned. Eventually, she got the Black Swan’s approval and she had their help. Keefe, on the other hand, did not do a single modicum of actually valuable training. He didn’t tell anyone, and he didn’t talk his plan through with the group. Nobody thought it was a good idea, and nobody’s helping him. He’s completely on his own. Keefe also has to live with them, which Jolie never did. That’s more opportunities to slip up, and a small difference like that can add up. And I know I’ll sound like a broken record, but Keefe is just. So stupid. He doesn’t think about his actions and their consequences, just barrels right into them. Jolie has proven to be very clever, leaving a list of clues that she knew only a Black Swan member would be able to find. 

“‘Oh good—so the thing That Boy stole is putting all of us in more danger,’ Grady muttered.” For the record, I find Grady to be an incredibly immature guardian, with what and his calling Keefe “That Boy”. But that’s not what I’m here for right now. And he does make a good point right here. Keefe is putting them all in danger, and he doesn’t even know if what he’s doing will have any sort of payout.

“How does Fitz not pee his pants every time you do this—or wait, DOES HE?” This book easily gets it the worst when it comes to Keefe’s humor. The potty humor is at an all-time high, and Keefe is even more cringy and annoying than usual.

“Besides—if she was going to trust Keefe, she had to trust him.” Why??? He didn’t do a single thing to earn her trust. Why should she trust him??? This shouldn’t be about Sophie’s feelings, they’re in the middle of a war, and that’s what should matter. Keefe has compromised a very important piece of intelligence, so she shouldn’t be trusting him at all. “Oh, but he's her friend!” Yes, he’s her friend, but the war is always more important than foolishly placing your trust in the wrong hands because of . . . feelings.  

“[Keefe] Luck had nothing to do with it. I planned it perfectly. [Sophie] That’s exactly the kind of overconfidence that’s going to get you killed. [Keefe] Not necessarily.” He really thinks he didn’t get lucky and that the whole thing was because of his “perfect” planning. But no plan is perfect. That fact that Keefe doesn’t know that is proof as to why he shouldn’t be doing this. A good planner understands that every plan has inherent risks and never, ever gets cocky because something can always go wrong. Keefe’s just not willing to see the risks to his plans. And that makes him dangerous. And so, so stupid.

“Yep—it’s a date. Tell your boyfriends not to be jealous.” Have some more cringy Keefe-style flirtation. 

[cut because character limit]

“[Sophie] Keefoster? [Keefe] Sounds way cooler than Sophitz or Dophie, right? And don’t even get me started on Bangs Boy.” Keefe’s cringy ship name humor is back at it again. I’m pretty sure he uses ship names more than the entire fandom combined. God, Shannon needs to stop using him to pat herself on the back. Keefe once again displays jealousy toward not only Tam, but Fitz and Dex. He subtly tells Sophie that she should be with him, not any of them, which is so utterly out of line that I don’t even have the words to describe how much I want to punch him in the face for his possessiveness. It’s not his right to tell her that. Also, objectively speaking, Keefoster sounds atrocious. It also sounds like “Keefe Foster”, and I’m sure Shannon is patting herself on the back for seeming so subtle. Sokeefe is a much better ship name, but is never actually brought up in the series. If Shannon intends to continue with this atrocious in-story ship-name-dropping, she could at least use a good one.

“[Keefe] [  . . . ] it is kinda nice having someone look out for me. [Sophie] You don’t make it easy. [ . . . ] His floating thoughts made it clear how determined he was to protect her.” Yippee, another forced consolation scene! Sophie and Keefe basically tell each other that they’re out to protect each other. Sophie says Keefe doesn’t make it easy on her, which is true. He takes advantage of her trust, runs into dangerous situations without a care in the direction of how it’ll affect Sophie’s mental state. And Keefe doing this whole thing to protect Sophie . . . no. Just no. He’s already admitted he’s doing this because he’s only willing to do it his way. He wants to do this for a multitude of selfish reasons, one of which is Sophie’s opinion of him and his character, which is not the same as doing something “for Sophie”. He’s doing it for himself. He doesn’t care about Sophie’s opinion on what he should do, or he would’ve listened to her. And the part about how it’s “nice [to have] someone look[ing] out for [Keefe]” is just. I can’t even. Keefe is so whiny. Plenty of people care about and look out for him. The Black Swan, frustrating as they are, Alden and Della, his friends, even Grady and Edaline. But of course the only one he cares about is Sophie. Because he only cares about Sophie’s opinion of him and nobody else’s. 

“You can ignore it all you want, Foster, but sooner or later you’re going to have to solve the triangle. Or should we get real and call it a square?” Fantastic, some more horrible Keefe flirtation! Also my feelings on authors using the term “love square/triangle” in their books is pretty much the same as my feelings about authors using ship names in their books. It’s so pick-me, like Look! I acknowledged the love triangle in my own book! Aren’t I the greatest? Isn’t that so self-aware of me?

“There you go, rocking the whole adorable-when-you’re-angry thing. I think that’s what I’ve missed about you the most.” Keefe infantilizes Sophie by saying she’s cute when she’s angry. She is trying to express her feelings, and all Keefe can do is be all Awwwwww. Isn’t that so cute? She’s angry! How adorable. It’s a form of invalidating someone’s feelings, by treating them like they’re just entertainment or by brushing them off like that. It’s some of the most manipulative behavior out there. It also saves Keefe from having to actually take Sophie’s feelings into account. His infantilization of her also shows up in his incessant need to protect her. It’s icky and gross, and authors should stop encouraging this behavior.

“Yes, I will call you Lady Lectures-a-Lot every time you transmit to me.” Have another example of Keefe’s cringy-ass nickname humor. 

“[Sophie] And can you focus for one second? [Keefe] I suppose I can try. . . . ” Keefe continues to try to frustrate and annoy Sophie on purpose. You know, for his own entertainment. As good friends do.

[cut because character limit]

“‘We also found my favorite bramble jersey,’ Fitz added. ‘I knew he stole it.’” Because stealing your best friend’s personal possessions and never giving them back is a completely normal thing to do. 

"But she needed to see Wylie’s memories for herself and make sure Keefe wasn’t there.” Here’s an example of Keefe’s decisions impacting Sophie. Her mental health has been on a decline the entire time she was at Dex’s; all she thinks about is whether Keefe will be involved and whether he’ll be able to trick the Neverseen and how he’ll get out of this one. All she does is worry, worry, worry. And it’s all on Keefe. He didn’t take Sophie’s advice into account when he made his decision (which he would’ve done if he truly cared about her) and it’s affecting Sophie.

“‘I know you’re going to get mad at me for saying this. But before we keep trusting him, we need to find out what he knows—and I don’t just mean the little bits he tells you during your nightly flirt sessions.’ ‘That’s not what they are,’ Sophie snapped. ‘Maybe not for you. But I doubt the guy who calls himself the president of the Foster Fan Club is going to have a bunch of private convos with you and not use that chance to try to keep winning you over.’” Exactly. Thank you, Tam. Finally, someone in the story who gets it.

“‘Keefe—we’re serious,’ Sophie said. ‘Oh, I know. Fitz is giving me his “I’m so serious” scowl. And you’re hitting me with a whole mess of emotions.’” Can’t believe I have to put up with Keefe again after all this page time without him. And does he know that? Does he really? Because if he knew, he would be serious. But Keefe is incapable of acting serious, even when the time calls for it. All he can do is joke. 

“‘We need to make sure you weren’t involved.’ Keefe rolled his eyes. ‘Would I be here if I was?’” Yes??? He could do all kinds of things. And Fitz was perfectly valid when he said that they needed to make sure Keefe wasn’t involved. Keefe is currently working with the enemy. It’s as simple as that. It’s not unreasonable to want to know if he was involved with one of their plans. On the other hand, it is unreasonable for Keefe to ask them to put all their trust and faith in him when he’s working with their enemies. He needs to stop demanding everyone change to accommodate him, and accept the consequences of his actions. 

“‘I would never be in your position,’ Fitz argued. ‘Yeah, you’re better at taking the easy way.’” No, he’s better at taking the smart, unselfish way. He’s better at not throwing everyone’s faith and trust in him down the drain because he wants to be the hero. 

“‘They have a network that stretches way farther than you could ever imagine. I’ve only seen a tiny piece of it, and it’s seriously terrifying. I can’t fight it without making some hard calls!’” By Keefe’s own admission, the Neverseen’s organization skills, plans, and goals are “seriously terrifying”. And yet, he thinks he alone can defeat them by working from the inside out. He also uses the word “I”, like he thinks he’s the only one. A Freudian slip if I’ve ever seen one. No, Keefe, you are not the only one fighting the Neverseen. 

“Uh, hello—you have me. I know I got a few details wrong yesterday [ . . . ]” Keefe says he got “a few details wrong” as if those few details didn't result in someone getting tortured. He’s incredibly incompetent, but trying to hide it. He’s got it flipped, actually. He got the plan as a whole wrong, and only got a few details correct. He didn’t get any actually useful information, and still thinks they should rely on him despite the fact that he’s proven he has nothing useful to offer. Because he’s stupid and arrogantly wants to believe that his way is the best way.

“‘Dude, are you blushing?” Fitz asked. ‘Only because I can feel what Foster’s feeling,’ Keefe snapped back. Sophie rolled her eyes. ‘I’m not feeling anything.’” Nothing particularly wrong with this, just this exchange makes me cringe every time. But that’s subjective.

[cut because character limit]

“[Sophie] You get why we had to make sure, right? [Keefe] It’s still not awesome knowing you guys sat around talking about how you don’t trust me. [Sophie] You don’t make it easy.” They can’t trust him. This is bigger than Keefe’s pathetic boo-hoo-my-friends-don’t-trust-me. They would if they could. He ran off and joined the enemy and they’re in the middle of a war. They have to think with logic, not emotion, and logic always says that anyone working with the enemy can’t be trusted and must be treated as such. It’s not a personal attack on Keefe. But Keefe will always see it that way.

“I can’t worry about that, Foster. I can’t think about what-ifs or maybes. I can only take it one day at a time—one assignment at a time—and fight my way through.” Did- Did Keefe just admit he doesn’t plan ahead? And try to spin it so it looks like a good thing? This is the guy they’re supposed to be trusting??? This is the guy that thinks he’s smarter than the Neverseen, who, by his own admission, have networks that stretch farther than the mind can comprehend? Serious???

“And ten minutes ago you thought I was Wylie’s fourth kidnapper. Remind me to thank Bangs Boy for that the next time I see him. And the Fitzster.” Thank them for making a logical decision? During a war? Yes, you should. 

“[Keefe] Aw, come on, Foster. I’m the cute guy who chooses to save the kids, remember? How can you resist me? [Sophie] Who said anything about cute? [Keefe] It totally goes without saying. Don’t even try to deny it.” Keefe’s flirtation is back and cringier than ever!

“[Keefe] And in the meantime, maybe I need to lose this cloak and see what happens. . . . [Sophie] Bad idea—especially after you took such a risk to meet with us today. [Keefe] There you go again with your logic. It’s really cramping my style.” First of all, why does Sophie need to tell him that losing the cloak is such a bad idea when Keefe himself literally said a few pages ago that it was a bad idea? Is he really that drawn to ideas that seem stupid? Is he really so arrogant that he thinks he can get away with that a second time? And secondly, here’s another example of Shannon using the same joke again and again.

“Ugh. I guess you do need to see that memory, don’t you?” This isn’t the best quote (said by Keefe, for context) to represent what I’m about to say, but oh, well. I can’t copy this entire scene down because this goes on for a while, but Keefe literally stalls on his end of the bargain he makes with Sophie for quite a long time. He considered not even holding up his end, even though Sophie had already held up hers. He only relents when he realizes Sophie needs to see the memory. Which is not good. It shows that he can’t be trusted to hold up his side of a deal unless he decides he needs to. 

“Keefe turned away, watching the waves crash onto the beach. ‘I don’t want you feeling sorry for me.’ ‘I can’t help it. But it’s not pity. It’s . . . I don’t know what the word for it is. I’m too conflicted.’” So, remember that quote I wrote in blue? We’re circling back to it. I said that Keefe is constantly feeling sorry for himself and that the scene just drowns in his self-pity. Shannon then realizes that this isn’t really a good thing necessarily, and her solution is just to have Keefe say that he doesn’t want Sophie feeling sorry for him. This is a sentiment that continues through the story, where Keefe claims he hates people pitying him. But that’s just Shannon telling us that. What she shows us is a completely different story, and that reveals that Keefe does nothing but wallow in his own self-pity, usually during his forced consolation scenes. It doesn’t matter that Keefe apparently doesn’t want anyone to pity him, because Shannon spends so much time trying to convince you to pity him that the whole thing falls flat. There are several more instances of this, but for now I’ll just write this in blue as well, because these two quotes are connected in one larger point I’m trying to make. 

[cut because character limit]

“[Keefe] Wow. That’s just . . . He burst into a fit of snorty giggles. [Sophie] I’m glad you find this so amusing. [Keefe] You don’t? Don’t tell me you actually believe him.” This isn’t about whether or not something sounds strange or funny or ridiculous. It’s about whether or not it’s plausible. At this point in time, it was very plausible that Keefe was created as a counter to Project Moonlark, even though he’s older than Sophie. So they were treating it like a real possibility. But Keefe laughs at it, because it sounds stupid to him. He doesn’t even consider it. Just immediately discards the possibility. Which isn’t a good thing. It’s a very close-minded attitude to have. Which is not good in the middle of a war.

“‘They know I’m here,’ Keefe told her. ‘There’s an ogre enzyme that stinks like the entire world is rotting, and I may have accidentally knocked a vial of it into the laundry basin while I was washing Fintan’s favorite cloaks. It can only be removed with selkie skin, so they sent me to get what I need to clean up my mess.’” I’m laughing so hard. Collecting selkie skin probably isn’t going to take more than a few minutes, and they’ve been talking a long time, so the Neverseen are definitely going to be suspicious of him. Honestly, this plan is even dumber than I remember.

“‘And I used those five seconds to drop off the bead before I headed here. It was perfect.’” Every time Keefe describes a stupid part of his plan and then refers to his plan as “perfect”, I take psychic damage. Smart people know that no plan is ever perfect. So the fact that Keefe thinks his plan is shows why he isn’t ready to be a double agent.

“‘Woo-hoo for bonus Keefoster time! Try not to get jealous, Fitzy. She still likes you better than me—but someday I will wear her down. I’m sneaky like that.’” Was- Was that a real line??? That Shannon actually wrote??? And then didn’t immediately erase? Keefe is such a jerk. This line proves he just sees Sophie as the rope in the tug-of-war he’s playing with Fitz. He doesn’t care about her. He just wants to “wear her down”, as if a real person with real emotions is something he can just mess around with until he gets what he wants.

“You’re so cute when you worry, he told her.” More classic Keefe infantilization. He once again invalidates Sophie’s feelings by dumbing them down and acting like they’re this cute, quirky, inconsequential thing.

“Fine. Forgive me for trying to have a little fun after yesterday’s drama.” Did you know. That it’s possible. To have fun. Without infantilizing others? More of Keefe’s jokes being mean/rude/generally atrocious behavior.

“[Keefe] She puts Bangs Boy to shame—and she doesn’t have stupid hair. [Sophie] I thought she always hid under her cloak. [Keefe] She does. But as the crowned king of good-hair land, I can tell when I’m talking to one of my rightful subjects.” Keefe’s jokes about his hair are so painfully unfunny and come off as cocky when Shannon oversteps. Which she does. A lot. We get it, he styles his hair to look a certain way because he’s such a wannabe bad boy. Now can we talk about anything else?

“But after everyone went to sleep, I tore open the seam in my cloak and found another black disk right where you said it would be.” He . . . tore the disk out of the cloak. When they have no idea what it does. And they know the Neverseen put it there for a reason. And he’s trying to be careful. He just tore it out??? How’s he going to put it back in and make everything seem normal again??? Is he really that dumb?

“Actually, I’m pretty sure this is good enough news that you’re going to want to kiss me—and I’m happy to accept an IOU, by the way.” Ah, Keefe, your humor never fails to make me cringe.

“[Keefe] ‘Ode to Keefe Sencen—that brave, lovable nut. He may not have teal eyes, but he has a really cute—’ [Sophie] KEEFE!” Keefe’s favorite pastime of annoying Sophie rears its ugly head once more. Also, will he stop comparing himself to Fitz for two seconds?

[cut because character limit]

“[Keefe] And brace yourself because I’m about to blow your mind. Are you ready for it? [Sophie] I’ve been ready for the last five minutes. [Keefe] You think you’re ready. But there’s no way you possibly can be. [Sophie] JUST TELL ME.” More of Keefe annoying Sophie just for the heck of it. I honestly don’t understand why she’d constantly want to be around someone who’s so annoying, it makes no sense.

“Just like I haven’t gotten any more info about the ogres’ test, or King Dimitar’s meeting with Fintan, or Fintan’s cache, or any of the things I can’t get anyone to talk about [ . . . ]” I don’t understand how Keefe is so stupid that he can see all this evidence right in front of him, even admit it to Sophie, and still think his plan to join the Neverseen was a good one. I- He’s just so stupid. He just ignores every. Single. Red. Flag. Just because he thinks he’s smarter than everyone else. You cannot trust someone this tone-deaf. You just can’t. I don’t know why the narrative keeps pushing the idea that Keefe just needs Sophie’s trust and he’ll be fine. Can’t he understand that Sophie just cannot trust him? That it’s just not possible?

“[Keefe] I did warn you. I just didn’t know the specifics. [Sophie] I know. But that’s the thing neither of us have wanted to admit. If you can’t give the specifics, everything you’re doing is worthless.” How stupid do you have to be to have to have that spelled out for you? You need to give specific warnings or they’re worthless. But Keefe needs to believe what he’s doing is worth something. How else will he keep his head inflated?

“He thought she didn’t have a plan, and that everything she’d said was just an angry rant.” Wow. Just wow. Keefe doesn’t trust Sophie, nor does he listen to Sophie. He only listens to himself. Sophie just admitted that to herself. By not listening to her and taking her advice to heart, he invalidates her feelings and her plans for his own. Now, why is Sophie’s plan better than Keefe’s, logically speaking? Because Sophie has a specific idea of what she’s going to do now. Keefe doesn’t. And he doesn’t listen to her or take anything she says into consideration. If he genuinely believes he’s doing this “for Sophie”, he’s seriously delusional. 

“Is this going to be another one of those nights where you spend the whole time yelling at me to come home? Keefe asked, making her sit up straighter as his thoughts filled her head. Because as much as I love it when you get all feisty on me, now’s really not a good time.” God, Keefe is so subtly invalidating. He treats Sophie like she’s just his personal worry machine, not a person with valid concerns and ideas. The flippant way he talks about her worry for him makes me so mad. He takes her worry for granted and throws it back in her face, without a care for how it would affect her mental health. He brushes her off and invalidates her because he thinks he’s so much smarter than everyone else. Not to mention he calls her worry “feisty” and further infantilizes her feelings and ideas. 

“‘Dude, save your daddy issues for another time,’ Tam ordered. ‘Fintan doesn’t care about you. He doesn’t trust you. And if you go back to him, he’ll destroy you.’ Keefe’s eye roll was epic. ‘Don’t you need to go fix your bangs or something?’” In case you need more proof that Keefe is the stupidest, most pathetic idiot ever. First of all, Tam brings up a valid point. And Keefe’s response is to make a personal attack. You know, because he’s stupid and has nothing actually good to say in response. He’s completely pathetic, with his stupid rivalry with Tam clouding all his judgment. He treats Tam’s suggestion like it’s stupid because . . . Tam is the one who said it. He can’t even dignify Tam with a proper counterargument. He is so stupid, I can’t stand it. He doesn’t know when to stop joking around or when to stop taking shots at people. He’s straight-up mean, and this isn’t even a time to be joking. This is a serious situation, and all Keefe can think about is this pathetic animosity he has toward Tam. 

[cut because character limit]

“‘Please don’t do this,’ she begged. ‘If you leave here with that crystal, you’ll trap us—and you’ll compromise Alluveterre.’ ‘The Black Swan can sacrifice one hideout for what this will get me,’ Keefe said. ‘And you can teleport. There has to be a cliff around here you can jump off to get the momentum.’” Yes, what this will get you. What that’ll get you is . . . something that you turned over to the Neverseen yourself (Kenric’s cache). This whole mess is Keefe’s fault. If he had just been less stupid, he wouldn’t have to sacrifice the Black Swan’s hideout to get the caches. Yes, Fintan’s cache would be a gain, but it’s not strictly necessary or needed. Nobody asked him to get it, he just arbitrarily decided that it’s what they need. You know, because he thinks they need it. He doesn’t understand risk or reward, and he doesn’t understand that some things aren’t worth sacrificing. Other people will have different opinions on whether or not something’s worth something else, but Keefe doesn’t do teamwork. He hijacks plans, then ruins them. He works off of what he, an inexperienced, scared, reckless teenager, thinks is best. Then he executes his atrocious plans without a drop of consideration from anyone else. 

“[ . . . ] but I’m even better at fixing things.’” No, no you’re not, Keefe. When has he ever fixed a single thing, up until this point in the story? Never. He’s only ever tried to do things that would get him killed but then is always stopped by Sophie. No, not stopped. Stalled. Even Sophie can’t reel him in. He’s only ever made Sophie go out of her mind with worry over him. He has no credibility to say that he’s ever “fixed” something. It’s simply untrue. The truth is: Keefe messes things up way more than he fixes them. 

“‘[ . . . ] know that I will end this.’” Keefe still thinks he’s everyone’s savior, he still thinks he’s the hero they all need, instead of the idiot all their carefully arranged plans are ruined by. I have never seen such a stupid, idiotic, arrogant, blind character. But maybe I just need to read more.

“You realize I’m not actually pooping, right? I mean, I know we’ve shared a lot of things, but I don’t think poop should be one of them—unless it’s sparkly and from an alicorn. Or blasting like a geyser out of a gulon.” Keefe knows Sophie is mad at him, and knows he should be grateful she’s even reaching out to him, and yet all he does is make the stupidest, unfunniest jokes to annoy her. It’s like he’s trying to sabotage his relationship with her. Also, Shannon’s use of potty humor never fails to feel incredibly out of place and so, so juvenile. 

“It doesn’t matter what I think. It’s not like you listen to me. The thought had a snap to it, and Sophie could see Keefe’s mind sting. But she wasn’t going to apologize.” Good. She shouldn’t. He deserves to feel that “sting”. All he’s done is ruin things, worry Sophie, and think he’s the greatest ever. He deserves to be put in his place. This isn’t even half of what he deserves. 

““I’ll be outside Lumenaria as soon as I bust out of here. I don’t care if there are patrols, I’ll find a way to evade them. I want to be close—that way if you need me, I can help.” Keefe, you realize you can’t just bypass security, right??? Like, they’re experts, and you’re a stupid teenager. You can’t just hide from them forever. Also, wow. The sheer arrogance Keefe needs to have to assume that Sophie’s going to need him, and him in particular. He still sees himself as Sophie’s savior.

[cut because character limit]

“[Sophie] I wish he wasn’t coming here, she told Mr. Forkle. It’s way too risky, and he’s only doing it because he feels like he needs to make everything up to me. [Mr. Forkle] He does need to make it up to you. Haven’t you realized that yet? That’s why you and Mr. Sencen work so well together. You both push each other to believe in yourselves. Don’t go easy on him now because you’re afraid he’s too fragile. The more you let him prove himself, the more he’ll realize he’s still worthy.” He does need to make everything up to Sophie, but Mr. Forkle is just. So wrong. If someone consistently ruins everything, they shouldn’t be given several more chances to prove that they’re “still worthy”, especially not without some additional reflection on their actions and especially not in a high-stakes war. They’ll just mess everything up again??? That should be common sense to a leader of a rebel group. Keefe needs to learn his lesson, and the only way to have that happen is to punish him for his actions. He needs to face consequences, and in a way that makes sure he doesn’t screw anything up again. And that’s by forcing him to stand on the sidelines. He cannot be allowed onto the “battlefield”, so to speak, when he actively puts everyone in danger by being there. He needs to understand everything that happened was his fault, and he needs to do something to stop himself from screwing it all up again.

“Keefe’s smile was somehow both breathtaking and heartbreaking, but it faded as he stroked her cheek [ . . . ]” Why is he randomly stroking her cheek when she just got up??? It’s so weird. Nobody does that. It’s weird and he needs to stop. And no, “they’re good friends” is not a good excuse. It’s incredibly strange to start touching someone’s face out of the blue. I can practically see Shannon patting herself on the back and thinking it makes their bond so much stronger. Really, it makes it so much creepier.

“‘All those months with them, thinking I was playing everything perfectly. I bet they were onto me the whole time. Just like my mom said. And they were planning this.’ He punched the sand, sending it spraying around them. Sophie held him tighter. ‘This is not your fault, Keefe. None of us realized what they were up to.’” Ah, another forced consolation scene, my dearly detested! And, look, Shannon even squeezed a “It’s not your fault” in there. While Lumenaria coming down is obviously not Keefe’s fault, it definitely speaks to his ego that he thought he was smarter than the Neverseen. Yes, he’s realizing now that he was wrong, but it doesn’t change the fact that he should still have to face the consequences. He joined the enemy without anybody’s approval. He can’t work with a team without hijacking everything himself and overturning everyone else’s ideas. He should still have to face the consequences of what he did. “I know now that I was wrong” doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t show any real consequence. It shows a tiny bit of growth, but nothing solid or meaningful. It’s a throwaway line that you could honestly miss if you weren’t paying close attention.

“‘It’s still huge,’ Sophie promised. ‘I know it doesn’t feel like it—but the secrets in those caches have to be important. That’s a victory!’ ‘A pretty weak one,’ he grumbled, trying to look away. She reached up and turned his chin back, waiting for him to meet her eyes. ‘You have to let this go. Don’t let this ruin what we have here.’” No, he’s right, Sophie. For once in his life. Sophie tries to comfort Keefe, and this entire scene feels so weak, like Shannon is desperately reaching for drama to fuel her beloved forced consolation scenes. In reality, it’s very simple. The caches have nothing on real-life implications. So, yes, the caches are a victory, but it’s a very, very weak one, and not at all worth the things Keefe did to get them. Also, Sophie grabbing Keefe’s chin like that is very, very weird behavior. Nobody does that with their friends, just grabbing their chins to force them to look at them.

Nightfall

“He’d also been working every day to make up for his mistakes.” Thank you for telling us that instead of showing it, Shannon. If he really felt sorry, he’d understand that he needs to change and stop being so reckless before he can safely be a part of plans and schemes again. If he doesn’t realize that, he’ll never stop putting people in danger.

“So, when Fintan asked for my blood, I told him he needed to prove that I could trust him by answering one question. And once he did, I had to hold up my end of the deal.” In case you’re wondering, the number of things Keefe screwed up during his time with the Neverseen is now: compromising Alluveterre, giving up his blood, freeing Alvar (although we know that probably wouldn’t have mattered, since they got away, but Keefe didn’t know that at the time, so I mean), and being wrong several times about the Neverseen going after Grady and Edaline. 

“But Fintan interrogated me when I got back, and I had to use the crystal to convince him not to burn off my arm.” This is the guy Keefe thought trusted him, by the way. Come on, he can’t be this stupid. 

“[Sophie] Do you really think Fintan would help you steal the caches if they’re actually important? [Keefe] Yeah, Foster. I do. Because he had no idea that he gave me the other piece of the code phrase weeks earlier, after he had too much fizzleberry wine.” Wait, the leader of the Neverseen got drunk in front of a teenager he doesn’t trust, and Keefe didn’t find that suspicious??? At all??? Really??? I can’t believe Keefe is that dumb . . . actually wait. This is Keefe. Never mind, I believe it entirely. 

“Trading my blood was a bad call. But I SWEAR the caches are still a score.” Keefe’s cockiness has come back in full force, y’all. Remember that forced consolation scene at the end of Lodestar where Keefe lamented about how the caches were a weak victory? Well, why bother with consistency? He thinks they’re a “score” now! This is what I mean when I say the forced consolation scenes are so dumb and only there for Shannon to milk some worthless comfort between Sophie and Keefe. She has to force it, which means half the time it makes no sense, so she either has to pretend it didn’t exist and reset for the next one, or contradict herself like she did here. Either way, it will just lead to another forced consolation scene, and eventually there’s only so many times you can take Sophie and Keefe having the same conversation over and over again.

“I’ll fix this, okay? Keefe promised. I’m going to fix everything. You mean ‘we,’ Sophie corrected. WE are going to fix this.” Speak of the devil. Here comes a forced consolation scene. Also the fact that Keefe still believes he’s going to fix everything by himself shows he learned absolutely nothing from his mistakes. It’s Keefe, so why am I surprised that he’s gotten zero character development?

“Does that mean you don’t hate me? Keefe asked. His mental tone sounded softer—almost timid. [Sophie] I told you, I’m never going to hate you, Keefe. [Keefe] But I keep giving you new reasons to change your mind. [Sophie] Yeah, you really need to stop that. She offered him half a smile, and he gave her the same when she added, But we’re in this together.” Wow, Shannon didn’t even take that long to dive into a whole mess of a forced consolation scene, complete with a trademark “Don’t hate me, please”. Again, it makes no sense why Keefe thinks Sophie would hate him. She’s talking to him, isn’t she? And she never stopped. She isn’t mad at him and she doesn’t hate him, and that’s plainly obvious to anyone with a brain. But how else is Shannon going to milk the drama for all it’s worth, if not by repeating the same conversation over and over and making her characters look dumb in the process?

[cut because character limit]

“Sophie fussed with her jeweled sleeves—which matched the emeralds lining the knee-high boots she’d slipped over her lacy gray leggings. Biana had frustratingly pointed out that elaborate clothes would do a better job of disguising her gloves, so Sophie was trying to force herself to get used to wearing glitter and frills. Keefe’s lips tilted into his famous smirk as he crossed the room to stand closer. ‘I meant that as a compliment, Foster. Sparkles look good on you. So does the new hairdo.’” I know this is a (very annoying, very harmful) trope in fiction, but the fact that Sophie is visibly uncomfortable wearing fancy clothes, and Keefe's only response is to be like “Well, it looks good!” is so objectifying and degrading. It shows that he doesn’t particularly care about her feelings or comfort, only the way she looks to him. I get that it’s a trope, but most things about Keefe that I’m criticizing are tropes, so. 

“He reached up, his fingers skating gently along the edge of the intricate braid weaving through the front part of her hair.” Possibly Keefe’s most creepy trait is the way he just . . . randomly touches Sophie. Like completely out of the blue. He’ll just touch her face or hair, which is so strange. Like that isn’t normal, and you shouldn’t be touching someone there without explicit permission. Especially not in such a . . . implicative way.

“‘If you’re trying to impress me, it’s working,’ he told her, and she felt her cheeks warm—until he added, ‘But, you always impress me, so maybe you were thinking of someone else?’” What makes him think she’s dressing up for him specifically, or even for someone else? That’s such an arrogant assumption to make. As if everything Sophie does out of the ordinary must immediately be for him or some other guy. Also, if Sophie and Keefe are so close, why doesn't he know about her plan to dress up to hide her gloves?

“Somehow he’d moved closer, and Sophie’s throat went dry as he reached up and touched her braid again.” Keefe sure invades Sophie’s personal space a lot in this scene. That’s not romantic, by the way. It’s creepy and possessive.

“‘[ . . . ] and while I’m sure you and the Fitzster won’t mind the excuse to stare into each other’s eyes—’ ‘It’s called Cognate training,’ Sophie corrected. ‘And that’s not what we do.’ ‘Keep telling yourself that.’ Sophie ignored him.” Again, Shannon making the same joke over and over again isn’t going to make it funnier. Also, Keefe is once again annoying Sophie because he thinks it’s funny and cool. Sophie having to ignore him shows that she doesn’t want to talk about it.

“‘And yeah, she’s fooled me in the past. But I’ve had a lot of time to think about things, and I’m pretty sure I’ve figured her out.’” You’d think that Keefe would learn not to underestimate a Neverseen member from his double agent catastrophe (and he did, canonically), but of course, Shannon now needs to undo all his (small bit of) character development so he can make the same mistakes over and over. He is so stupid. And arrogant. And so many other things. If he thinks he can outsmart his mom, who’s been playing the long game this entire time, without a care or thought in even the vaguest direction of a plan, then I don’t even know what to say. And his use of the words “I” and “me” prove that he still thinks he can do this all himself. With no input from anyone else. So tell me, where exactly is his development from his failed double agent disaster?

“‘Pretty sure?’ Sophie repeated. ‘You want to risk everything on pretty sure?’ ‘The only thing I’m risking is me.’ ‘Which is way more than I’m willing to lose.’” Again, Keefe doesn’t care about anyone’s feelings about a plan except his. He only wants to barrel his way through life and he’ll do what he believes is the best thing for everyone, regardless of whether or not everyone else agrees. His constant need to risk himself is tiring and repetitive. When is he going to change and grow? It’s also incredibly selfish. He knows how that will affect his friends and loved ones, especially Sophie. And yet, he still wants to do it anyway. 

[cut because character limit]

“‘Keefe snorted. “I’m betting Bangs Boy won’t.’ ‘Well, maybe he would if you’d stop calling him Bangs Boy.’ ‘Yeah, but that’s never going to happen.’” Shannon once again makes a pathetic attempt to create this narrative that Keefe and Tam have this mutual dislike of each other and it’s funny because they’re similar and this and that and the other. Again, no, the “rivalry” started when Keefe got jealous of Tam because he saw Tam as competition over Sophie. And Tam doesn’t even hate Keefe. He just finds him an excruciating nuisance. Which he is.

“‘Sorry, Gigantor,’ he said through gritted teeth as he scrambled to the other side of the room. ‘Foolish is my specialty.’” Keefe displays a resistance to valuable character development and change, almost as if Shannon heard complaints about Keefe’s lack of development and doubled down on it, but none is as bad as this book gets it. Keefe adamantly states that “Foolish is [his] specialty”, as if that justifies his actions, and talks about being stupid as if it’s just a quirky little personality trait, not a flaw he needs to work on and fix. It’s not a flex. It’s something that he needs to fix, and as soon as possible, too. He can’t just keep being stupid and, when confronted, say “Well, that’s just how I am, so you’ll have to deal with it”. That is so selfish, I can’t even process it. He displays such a resistance to change, such an arrogant attitude toward himself where he thinks he’s fine the way he is, that even though he actively puts people in danger, he doesn’t see a need to work on himself.

“‘I’m all good now, Foster. Unless you want to try kissing it to make it better.’” Have some more hideously horrific Keefe-style flirtation.

“‘Unleash the lecture! Here, I’ll even start it for you.’ His voice shifted up to an uncanny impersonation of hers. ‘How dare you ambush me, Keefe? I don’t care if you’re the most gorgeous guy I’ve ever seen—WAY better looking than other guys with their dimples or weirdly teal eyes. You had no right to show up and surprise me like that!’” Keefe just can’t stop bashing Fitz or Dex, can he? He’s so possessive that he actively brings down his supposed friends in his quest to gain Sophie’s attention and approval. Tell me, if he’s really meant to end up with Sophie, why does he act so insecure about her friendships with other guys? And the fact that he’s treating a very serious issue like a joke shows, once again, that he cannot be serious. He can’t think about other people for even a millisecond if it means going against his own wishes. And when it’s all over, all he wants to do is joke about it and hope that calms the other person down so he won’t have to face the consequences of his actions. It’s really quite manipulative, if you think about it. Means that he can distract the other person from the fact that he disregarded them and brush it all under the rug. 

“‘Don’t I at least get points for not hailing her by myself, making the deal alone, and running off to Ravagog without you?’” No, because he still forced his own plan onto Sophie and didn’t care about her opinion at all, despite the fact that apparently they’re a team. Remember, Sophie did not have a say in any of this. 

“‘I didn’t want you hesitating because of me, so I thought I’d make the hard decision for you—but everything after that was up to you.’” There is no good justification for taking someone’s choice away from them, and the fact that “everything after that” was “up to” Sophie is irrelevant, because she’d already been forced into a course of action she didn’t believe was correct.

[cut because character limit]

“‘Or maybe you’d rather I put my incredible Empath talents to work and help you solve the complicated square you’re always telling yourself is a triangle?’” More cringy humor that’s Shannon's horrible attempt to be self-aware in her own story, featuring the literal use of the word square and triangle with regards to Sophie’s love life.

“‘Come on, Foster, admit it—that was pretty clever.’” There is nobody on the face of this planet that brags as much as Keefe does when he pulls one tiny, slightly smart thing.

“‘Did the Mysterious Miss F. just agree that I’m a genius? Because that’s what I heard! And it’s filled my heart with all the warmest, softest fuzzies.’” This quote is only a couple pages after the one before and oh, boy. Keefe really can’t stop patting himself on the back for a single good idea. I wonder where that comes from . . . maybe that arrogance I was talking about . . . 

“‘But whatever it takes, it’s going to happen. Do you know why?’ When she didn’t answer, he took both of her hands, and she couldn’t ignore the rush of warmth that tingled through her when she met his eyes. There was no teasing glint to be found. Just pure determination when he told her, ‘Because Team Foster-Keefe is going to win.’” Shannon’s ability to cram forced consolation scenes into just a few lines is truly astounding. First of all, this is incredibly cringy. I’m sorry, but it’s true. Keefe’s dialogue has never been so horrifically embarrassing to read. Also, the way he just randomly grabs her hands and stares into her eyes is so weird and so forced. Isn’t that what he’s always making fun of Sophie and Fitz for? At least they have a good reason. So that also makes him a hypocrite. 

“‘Just the usual,’ Keefe told him. ‘Foster’s going on and on and on about how she can’t live without me. It’s really quite exhausting.’” Keefe’s flirting is at its worst in this book. It’s genuinely so bad, I can’t understand how it can be mistaken for charming or funny. 

“‘His idea of excitement is when he changes the way he parts his hair.’” More examples of Keefe tearing people down using his jokes, even if it’s subtle.

“‘Maybe not run off and join the enemy?’ Fitz suggested. The words were like a record scratch, screeching everyone into awkward silence. This was the first time they’d all been together since Keefe’s betrayal. Keefe cleared his throat. ‘Yeah . . . so . . . about that.’” Keefe only apologizes because Fitz brings it up. He never would’ve done it without that. He doesn’t bring it up himself, so it doesn’t really mean much. Yes, Sophie tries to tell him he doesn’t have to apologize and he still does it, but he wouldn’t have without Fitz bringing up how he ran away. 

“‘I’m sorry. I know you think I’m an idiot for running off. And . . . I guess I am. I thought the fact that my mom had built something she called my “legacy” meant that I was valuable enough to the Neverseen that they’d bring me in on all their plans and I could find a way to stop them. But it turns out I’m worthless.’” He’s not worthless, he’s stupid. And the wording of this is very intentional on Shannon’s part. It’s intentionally worded to attract pity and sympathy. It’s poor Keefe again, being called worthless again, oh, we should all go and feel sorry for him now. He is such a pity magnet. And he didn’t even apologize for the right thing. He apologizes for being stupid, sure, but he never apologizes for disregarding everyone’s feelings and ideas and forcing his own plan into action without consulting others. He never apologizes for not considering others’ feelings. It’s all just me, me, me with him. 

[cut because character limit]

“‘No, you’re not.’ Surprisingly, the words came from Tam. ‘Having a family like yours messes with your head,’ he added, tugging his bangs over his eyes. ‘I know how that goes. You still made a bad call—or lots of bad calls, actually. But . . . if you don’t do it again, we’re cool.’” Oh, and it works! The next line is Tam telling him that it’s not his fault, because his family’s bad! That doesn’t change the fact that Keefe made a decision to not tell anyone what he was planning, deciding to compromise several key pieces of intel so he could get back something he gave away, and generally be very arrogant. He didn’t consult or talk with anybody about it. Yes, Tam acknowledges that Keefe made “bad calls”, but where’s the mention of Keefe’s utter disregard for ideas that aren’t his?

“‘The only reason I’m including Keefe is because his mom seems to want him involved. Why else would she insist we contact her with his blood?’ ‘Plus, y’know, Foster can’t live without me,’ Keefe added. ‘Don’t make me smack you,’ Sophie warned. Keefe smirked. ‘I’d like to see you try.’” First of all, Sophie’s reasoning is chock full of logical fallacies. Yes, Keefe’s mother wants him to be involved, but why does that mean he, in particular, needs to go to Ravagog? They have no information at this point that says that he needs to be the one to go. And why should they listen to Keefe’s mom anyway? They don’t trust her. Also, Keefe annoys Sophie on purpose once again, and his annoying flirting gets even worse. Also, Shannon insists on making the same joke over and over, but this time, the last time he made that joke was less than a chapter ago, so it’s even more annoying. 

“‘Should we take bets on how many stairs Foster makes it up before she trips?’ Keefe asked. ‘I say she’ll lose it on the sixth step.’” Who. Wrote this??? It’s genuinely so bad. I swear, almost everything Keefe says in this book is top tier cringe.

“He snickered. ‘At least this proves I know you better than the Fitzster.’ ‘No, it’s that I have more faith in her,” Fitz corrected. “That’s what being Cognates means.’ ‘And yet, I seem to remember Foster hiding some sort of important secret from you during your trust exercises. Did something change while I was gone, or . . . ?’” Keefe is so weirdly possessive of Sophie. He acts like every single thing is this ridiculous tug-of-war over her with Fitz. He never passes up an opportunity to take shots at Fitz, his supposed best friend. Also, guessing when someone will trip is pure chance. That doesn’t show any sort of bond at all. I’m going to interpret that as a joke, because there’s no way even Keefe is stupid enough to believe that. He prods at Sophie and Fitz’s weak spots (the secret), like he’s hoping it will unravel. All he cares about is putting down Sophie and Fitz’s cognate relationship and bolstering his own relationship with Sophie. It’s such a disgusting yet subtle thing to do. Honestly, if Shannon had handled Keefe better, he could’ve been a character that could be used to teach kids about subtly manipulative and toxic relationships.

“‘Ugh, anyone else ready to vomit from the Fitzphie?’ Keefe asked. ‘I am,’ Dex said, as Linh asked, ‘Did Fitzphie become an actual thing?’ ‘I don’t even know what “Fitzphie” is supposed to mean,’ Tiergan noted. ‘Want me to explain it?’ Tam offered.” Seriously. Who wrote this. Shannon. What. What is this. The excessive use of in-story ship names is atrocious, but Shannon decides to double down on it. Leaving that aside, Keefe expresses a desire to “vomit from the Fitzphie”. Tell me that’s not possessiveness. Keefe is such an atrocious, toxic friend, and Shannon really cranks it up to eleven in this book. All he does is whine about how close Fitz and Sophie are, tear their cognate relationship down, claim his relationship to Sophie is better, and generally act very possessive of Sophie.

[cut because character limit]

“‘Ugh, score one for Fitzphie,’ Keefe mumbled.” Here, we see Keefe literally track points as if Sophie is a game he needs to win against Fitz (his “best friend”). All Keefe does is act jealous of Fitz and Sophie because he selfishly wants to be with Sophie. His constant whining is so annoying and again, Shannon use of ship names in-book is the most cringy, appalling move I’ve seen her make.

“‘I know! Our little girl is growing up and getting so snarky!’ Keefe pretended to wipe his teary eyes. ‘I’ve never been so proud.’” “Our little girl” . . . that totally isn’t creepy or infantilizing at all. The way Keefe talks about Sophie here is genuinely so gross, even if it is a joke. 

“‘We still do,’ Sophie argued. ‘We just have a lot going on.’ ‘And yet I sure seem to see a lot of Keefe these days. . . .’” He’s not wrong, Sophie. You kinda, sorta neglect everyone that’s not Keefe. It’s annoying how much attention he gets when he’s not even the main character.

“Keefe spotted the crush cuffs about ten seconds after he got to Havenfield the next morning—despite the long-sleeved tunic Sophie had worn to keep them covered. And he dragged out the rest of the story with a relentless bombardment of questions.” Can Keefe keep his nose out of Sophie’s personal business for even a minute??? The “dragged” here is very telling: Sophie would not have chosen to tell Keefe all this of her own free will. He bombards her with questions, and so she tells him, not because she wants to, but because she knows that he won’t shut up until he has the full story. This is Sophie’s secret. Sophie’s business (and Dex’s). Keefe has no right to ask about the cuffs at all. The fact that he “retelentless[ly]” asked her questions until she was forced to tell him the entire story is not a good thing. It does not demonstrate trust, but quite the opposite: a breach of personal boundaries. Keefe is so toxic, I honestly find it impressive how Shannon has twisted him into a seemingly perfect-angel love interest.  

“‘In his head, he wanted the Dexphie ship to set sail so badly that he kept fighting for it, even when he got some pretty clear signals that he was bound for a crash.’” I’m sure you can guess my feelings about the use of the word “ship” in-story with regards to romantic ships. Shannon really needs to stop making Keefe act like he’s outside of the story observing it like the audience is. It’s just. Too cringe. 

“Keefe smirked. ‘So that’s what kept you up tossing and turning? Wondering if I’ve registered for the match?’ ‘Ugh, that’s so not what I was saying.’ ‘Suuuuuuurrrrre it wasn’t.’” Keefe once again annoys Sophie just because he thinks it’s funny. Also, thank everything that’s holy for e-books. I would not have looked forward to typing that whole word out by hand. 

“‘Everything?’ Keefe asked. ‘Even . . . ’ He made an obnoxiously loud kissing sound. Sophie shoved him away.” Keefe’s horrific flirting is even cringier than normal in this scene. Nobody talks like this. And his favorite pastime of annoying Sophie comes around again.

“But then he leaned back and added, ‘I have way too much fun annoying you.’ Sophie sighed. ‘That does seem to be one of your talents.’ ‘And you adore me for it. In fact, maybe we should find out if we’re meant to be.’ He puckered his lips and Sophie shoved him a little harder that time.” Keefe blatantly admits that he loves to annoy Sophie. Annoying someone is not the basis for a good relationship. What are Keefe and Sophie even going to talk about once the Neverseen are defeated? It’ll just be Keefe annoying Sophie and Sophie acting annoyed, and Shannon pretending that’s romantic. And the part where Keefe says Sophie “adore[s] [him]” for annoying her??? What??? There are several points in the story where it’s clear that this isn’t true (and I’ve pointed out all of them, hopefully). Nobody likes being annoyed. Especially not on the regular and especially not when that’s Keefe’s only real personality trait. Put this all together with some of Keefe’s heinous flirting, and you get the recipe for a perfectly cringy scene. 

[cut because character limit]

“‘Do you realize that thanks to you, sweet, innocent little Dex has now kissed someone before I have? And you too?’” It’s not a competition, Keefe. Geez. Also, wow he really thinks that because he’s a “cool prankster rebellious bad boy”, he should be the first one to get a kiss??? That’s what the “sweet, innocent little Dex” comment is telling me. Does Keefe really, actually think in stereotypes???

“‘I realize it’s hard to believe, considering . . . ’ He waved his arm in front of himself, like his looks said it all. ‘Don’t get me wrong—I’ve had plenty of offers, but . . . ’” Kill me now. This is a fantastically cringy line, complete with Keefe’s cringy tendency to draw attention to his looks. We get it. You look good. It doesn’t need to be your entire personality. 

“‘How about I steal the Fitzster’s match packet for you?’ Keefe suggested.” I hope that wasn’t a serious suggestion. Genuinely. But Keefe is such a shitty friend, I think he would’ve done it if Sophie had wanted him to. He’s willing to steal a very personal document and give it to someone Fitz doesn’t want to see it. You know. Just because.

“‘Am I supposed to see this as bravery?’ Dimitar asked him. ‘The arrogant young elf lord who dares to taunt me?’ ‘Psh, like the Council would ever make me a lord,” Keefe snorted. “Though, Lord Keefe does have a nice ring to it.’” Who responds like that to that sort of question??? Keefe was accused of arrogance by a king that has something he desperately needs and his response is literally just make jokes. More evidence that he can’t be serious even when the time calls for it.

“‘That’s not what we agreed on!’ Sophie snapped. ‘Maybe not. But I’m not going to let you face any consequences for this.’ Keefe slipped his mom’s scroll from his pocket and Sophie felt her jaw fall, wondering when he’d stolen it from her.” I think you know what I’m going to say, because I’ve said it a million times already: Keefe doesn’t care about Sophie’s feelings or input, he hijacks their shared plan for his own, he steals from her, blah, blah, blah. But you might be thinking, Wait, but Sophie does get mad at Keefe this time and does hold him accountable this time. He actually learns and grows! And you would be partially correct. But not completely. So this quote is mostly here because I’ll refer back to it later. I’ll write it in red so you can find it easier. 

“‘That was an incredibly dangerous move,’ Lady Cadence told Keefe, blocking him from following the ogre king. ‘Oh, you want to talk about dangerous?’ he asked. ‘How about the part when you almost started a brawl with King Dimitar? You were supposed to be the person at this meeting that he actually likes—that’s why we brought you!’” The two scenarios are not even remotely comparable. Keefe acted irrationally, with no inkling as to how Dimitar would react. He didn’t know what would happen, and he clearly planned this all in advance, even though he knew it was dangerous. Lady Cadence simply pointed out a breach in trust in her relationship with King Dimitar and told him she didn’t appreciate it. She knows Dimitar and considers him a friend, so she knew she wasn’t in any real danger from him. The idea that she “almost started a brawl” with the king is a complete exaggeration. She also wasn’t planning on having that conversation, it simply came up.

“‘And you can hate me if you want. But I made a promise when I found out my mom was with the Neverseen—she only gets to hurt me. It’s the only way I can live with myself.’” How noble. Except it gives him a convenient excuse to play the hero and ruin a group-made plan in favor of his own because of his own arrogance and overconfidence. So, not so noble. 

“Keefe grinned. ‘You really are adorable when you worry. But you don’t need to. I wouldn’t have agreed if I didn’t know I can handle it. See?’ He pulled his hands free and showed her how steady they were.” More of Keefe’s infantilization of Sophie! Yay! And if he really thinks he can handle it, he’s a massive idiot. A massive, arrogant idiot.

[cut because character limit]

“His motions were somehow both sluggish and erratic, and when he tried to pivot, the weapon slipped from his grasp.” And here is where we need to talk less about Keefe as a person and more about the way he’s written. Here, it’s explicitly stated that Keefe is terrible with a blade. Makes sense, he’s never handled one before. But, as we know, he’s about to defeat the ogre king in a sparring match. Keefe largely uses his skills in the match, but in terms of plot, it still makes no sense that he’d be able to defeat the king of a species whose entire culture is based around fighting and war. Yes, he’s trained in his skills extensively, but he’s never actually used them in a spar like this. There’s so much more to battle besides simply throwing everything you’ve got at your opponent. Dimitar should be able to predict what Keefe’s going to do next, even if Keefe tries a sneak attack, because Keefe’s never learned to hide that and never learned how to disguise his next move. Dimitar should be able to wear Keefe out so much that he doesn’t have the energy to use his skills anymore, because Keefe’s never learned how to conserve energy in a useful manner during a battle and never learned how to make every single strike count. Dimitar should be able to take Keefe down in a single strike, because Dimitar should know where the body’s weak spots are and how to cause the most pain with the least effort, which Keefe doesn’t know. So, no, Keefe simply using his skills should not be enough to defeat Dimitar when he has nothing else in his arsenal. And this is all to say: the point of this sparring match is to make Keefe look a hero. Even if it makes no sense. Keefe is written to be triumphant in this scene. It’s plot convenience at its finest. Shannon loves to do this with Keefe, where she’ll make him have some ability he realistically wouldn’t have because she needs him to be somewhat badass to uphold his “bad boy” image. 

“‘The grip on that one’s faulty,’ Keefe mumbled, kicking the weapon aside and snatching a dagger with a palm-length blade. ‘This one looks perfect for sneak attacks.’ ‘You can’t sneak up on him in an open ring,’ Sophie argued.” More evidence of Keefe just straight-up being incompetent when it comes to fighting. Which is fine by itself. But he can’t be incompetent at fighting and also win a sparring match against the king of a species known for their legendary fighting skills. Again, this scene is a massive example of plot convenience to make a character look good. It shows how Shannon favors Keefe. Honestly, he should’ve just lost the sparring match. Would’ve made the scene more interesting, and might’ve given Sophie, the main character, a chance to shine by quickly improvising a way to talk King Dimitar into giving up the starstone anyway. It might’ve also curbed Keefe’s ego, though I doubt it. 

“‘The only loss will be yours!’ Keefe sidestepped Sophie and charged into the ring, dagger raised, eyes wild, leaping for the ogre king.” Another example of Keefe’s straight-up stupidity. 

“‘There you are,’ Keefe whispered, his breath warm on her cheeks. ‘You’re good now, right?’” Keefe stop breathing all over Sophie’s face challenge. 

“‘I’ve never been so proud of us!’ Keefe said, holding up his hand for a high five.” I’d just like you to remember that Keefe can feel Sophie’s emotions. He knows how angry she is at him right now. And his immediate reaction is to try to joke his way out of it instead of treating it seriously until he’s forced to by Sophie. He literally tries to dumb this down and make it seem like it’s not as bad as it is so that Sophie won’t be mad at him. It doesn’t work, but it’s an incredibly manipulative thing to do. 

“‘Awww, my girl keeps getting snarkier and snarkier,’ Keefe said proudly. ‘I’m not your girl,’ Sophie snapped back. ‘And don’t think I’m done being mad at you!’” Keefe calling Sophie “my girl” is a form of infantilization, because he obviously doesn’t mean “my girlfriend”. Thankfully he gets called out on it. This time. 

[cut because character limit]

“Foster’s not ready to face her feelings,’ Keefe stage-whispered. ‘I’m ready to strangle you,’ Sophie countered.” Keefe’s joking here (and in the process annoying Sophie, but what else is new), but the implication is obviously that Sophie’s too scared of her feelings to face them and that she needs Keefe to swoop in and decipher them for her. Her own feelings. Do you see how that might not be the best thing to say, Keefe? Do you? Even if someone is wrong about their own feelings, that’s their prerogative. It’s always their choice of whether or not they want to face their own feelings or not.

“‘Maybe you’ll finally knock some sense into him.’ ‘I doubt it.’ Keefe winked, but Sophie looked away.” More of Keefe acting like his stupidity is just a quirky little trait instead of a flaw that could cost him or someone else their life. Being stupid is not a personality trait. It’s a flaw. He needs to stop treating being stupid like it’s this innate trait that’s just a part of who he is. It’s not.

“‘I’m guessing at least a week. Maybe more.’ ‘Yeah, that’s not happening,’ Keefe told him. ‘You’ll regret it if you don’t,’ Elwin warned. ‘Play this smart and the most you’ll have is a thin scar. But if you’re not careful, you could end up with nerve damage.’” Is Keefe really so stupid that he’s going to choose to have permanent damage because he won’t bed rest for a week of his life? This is. I can’t even.

“‘That depends on what my mom tells us,” Keefe argued. “If we’re heading straight to Nightfall—’ ‘You’re not going to Nightfall,’ Sophie interrupted. ‘You’re doing bed rest until Elwin says you’re better.’ Keefe smirked. ‘It’s cute that you think that.’” Why does Keefe need to be so stubborn about everything? Even this??? He literally throws away a perfectly smart thing to do with no drawbacks because . . . he wants to be with Sophie when she goes to Nightfall. That’s it. Again, he pedestalizes Sophie to such an extent that it makes him stupid. 

“Keefe wrapped his arm around Sophie. ‘Foster gets all worked up when she’s trying to protect me.’ ‘That’s not what this is about!’ Sophie snapped, pulling away.” Keefe literally tries to flirt his way out of Sophie’s anger, with a dash of infantilization thrown in for funsies. 

“‘Though would it kill you to do the smart thing, just once, and actually listen to someone when they’re giving you good advice, instead of thinking you know everything and doing whatever you want?’ Keefe considered that for a second. ‘Yeah, that might actually kill me.’” I seriously have no words. Keefe literally admitted that he’s stubborn to an excruciating extent, stupid, and arrogant, and he doesn’t see a problem with that at all. He genuinely just believes that they're innate parts of him, not flaws. 

“Sophie couldn’t look at Keefe after that. She didn’t want to see the hurt in his eyes as she dug out her home crystal.” If he’s hurting in this scene, then he deserves to be hurting. All he’s done is do stupid stuff and hijack everything without consideration for other people. So, yeah. He deserves it. 

“‘In case you need help deciding, I’d go with the part of you that wants to run over here for an epic Team Foster-Keefe hugfest, and not the part that wants to rip off my arms and smack me with them.’” Oh, yeah, I almost forgot. Starting in this book, Shannon uses the suffix “fest” incessantly, and doesn’t stop. It’s such a terrible choice that while it’s cringy the first few times, it quickly becomes unbearable as she keeps doing it. And Keefe gets it the worst.

[cut because character limit]

“‘I’ve also been eavesdropping outside—plus, Forkle hailed me this morning and caught me up on everything that’s been happening. So I already know about the giant beast things my mom made, and how we have a drugged Alvar in custody, and how all that boring stuff from Lady Cadence’s report about bacteria turned out to have something to do with flowers, and how there’s apparently another Nightfall in Atlantis that’s not part of my legacy, and that’s where we need to go to get your parents. Oh, and my mom wants us to steal from it and destroy it—which totally kills the fun, but I’m still game for blowing a Neverseen hideout off the planet.’” Another example of Shannon using Keefe as narration. It’s like she doesn’t trust that her audience will follow the story, so she feels the need to recap it. But wait, that’s boring! It’s fine, just have a ““““““humorous”””””” character do it! It’s a trick a lot of writers do when they think their audience is stupid, or they think what they wrote is too convoluted and want to make sure their audience has it straight. It’s also something authors do to pat themselves on the back, like, See? I wrote all that. And you just spent the last third of the book reading all that. Now, appreciate how much work I put in. I’m not saying Shannon doesn’t deserve praise for that plotline, and I genuinely think it's good, but I can’t stand it when she uses Keefe as a summary or narration gimmick. She could’ve just had Keefe say “I know everything I missed” and left it at that.

“‘How much groveling am I going to have to do before you trust me again?’” Keefe shouldn’t have to “grovel” to regain Sophie’s trust. Groveling is just words, no action. To regain trust, he’s going to have to prove that he won’t hijack everything and take over again. This is why this particular arc (miniarc?) of Keefe’s makes no sense. He only goes through this development because Sophie was mad at him, not because he actually realizes something about himself. And then Sophie immediately trusts him again and lets him work with her on everything again without any period of time where she’s suspicious of Keefe. What I’m saying is, Keefe’s breach of Sophie’s trust never really impacts their relationship. They have a fight, immediately make up the very next time they see each other, and then it’s over and done. There’s no period of time where it’s still a sore spot. No work to get to a point where Sophie feels like she can really trust Keefe again. As a result, it falls completely flat because Keefe didn’t earn anything. He just apologized and that’s it. But that shouldn’t be it. He should have a long way to go from now. An apology is just the start. Sophie shouldn’t forgive instantly. It just feels so cheap. It really shows how Shannon just wants a quick fix to Keefe’s problems instead of a real arc with real character development. 

[cut because character limit]

“‘I’m sorry, Sophie. Really. And I’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to you. That’s why I stayed in bed, even though I knew my mom had to be dragging you into a million dangerous things. I wanted to prove that I could do the right thing. Well, that and Ro threatened to tie me down and cover me in flesh-eating bacteria if I didn’t, and I could tell she meant it.’” Keefe says that he stayed in bed because Sophie would’ve wanted him to and because he wanted to “do the right thing”. That’s . . . not what his motive should’ve been. His intention should’ve been to get stronger and heal. That’s it. There should be none of this nonsense about “doing it for Sophie” or “doing the right thing”. He should want to get better so that he doesn’t have permanent damage. Again, his weird obsession with impressing Sophie and doing whatever he thinks she’ll want is showing through, and had Shannon been a better author, she could’ve made it a flaw and related it back to his abusive parents and how he’s always craving attention because he never got enough from them or something. But instead, it’s hailed as a great quality. So, remember when I said I’d refer back to that quote I wrote in red? This quote is a primary example that, while he does apologize to Sophie, he doesn’t actually change from this incident. There are several moments down the line where you will see that Keefe still hijacks plans and still disregards Sophie’s feelings. An apology, sure, but there’s no actual growth. (I’ll put this quote in red too, so it’s easy to see that these two things I’m bringing up are connected into one big point.) So to people making the argument that Keefe was finally held accountable and developed from this whole thing, I hate to say it, but Keefe is just as infuriatingly arrogant as before. 

“‘Because you can be wrong and still smarter than these guys,’ Keefe told her with a grin.” Ah, Keefe’s arrogance never fails to make me cringe practically out of my body. Maybe if he was more open-minded, we wouldn’t have to deal with his stupidity.

“‘So maybe you do it wrong,’ Tam suggested. ‘It’s a puzzle,’ Keefe argued. ‘The pieces should only fit together one way.’” Keefe is so stupid that he literally tries to claim that the “pieces should only fit together one way” after just having seen evidence to the contrary. Literally, I’m not kidding, Sophie just put the puzzle together differently than him like two seconds ago and he says this. I knew he was arrogant, but damn. Can’t Shannon tone it down a little to at least try to make it seem like she gave Keefe actual development?

“‘She probably thinks I’m too dumb to put the key together the right way.’” This logic is so stupid. Even if Keefe was dumb enough to not be able to put it together, it’s not like he works alone. Someone in the Black Swan or something would’ve figured it out. And his mom knows that. His entire argument here makes no sense.

“He reached up and wiped one of the tears trickling down her cheeks.” Another weird example of Keefe touching Sophie’s face. It’s quite creepy, and it’s strange how Shannon tries to make it seem touching.

[cut because character limit]

“‘Okay, two choices,’ Keefe told her, standing up and tilting her chin toward him. ‘You can tell me what’s wrong. Or I can put my Empath powers to work—but keep in mind, Option B will likely pick up on all kinds of other feelings.’ Sophie gave him her surliest scowl, but he didn’t back down.” First of all, here’s another example of Keefe touching Sophie’s face creepily. Secondly, Keefe just extorted Sophie’s personal feelings out of her. He just threatened to use his empathy on her if she didn’t tell him what was going on. He then said that if she didn’t tell him the thing she obviously doesn’t want to tell him, he’d not only use his power on her and figure it out, but would also probably pick up on other things she doesn’t want him knowing about. Sophie then makes it very obvious that she doesn’t want to do it, but he “didn’t back down”, by which Shannon of course means “didn’t respect Sophie’s feelings and her right to keep them to herself”. That is so. That is just. I don’t understand how Shannon somehow managed to twist this into Keefe caring about Sophie. He threatened, coerced, manipulated, and extorted her into telling him, sure, but caring about her??? Don’t make me laugh. Keefe is possibly the most toxic character in this entire series, and it is disgusting how Shannon gives the impression that this is caring behavior, or correct in any capacity at all. When someone wants to be left alone, you leave them alone. Keefe needs to go back to seventh grade health class, where they teach you that no means no. 

“‘I take it that means you haven’t joined Team Foster-Keefe?’ Ro asked. ‘Because I have to admit, they’re pretty cute together. Especially when she gets that look in her eye like she’s going to tear off his head.’” Ro is . . . a whole other subject. But oh, god. Shannon. What are you doing. If someone consistently and constantly “gets [a] look” in their eye like they’re “going to tear off” the other person’s head, then that’s a sign that that other person is annoying and that they don’t enjoy spending time together. The other person is obviously driving the first person crazy and enjoys it, so why would you encourage that??? Stop feeding into this narrative that that’s a healthy thing to have. It’s not. It’s completely toxic for Keefe to take pleasure in annoying Sophie, and it’s disgusting that Sophie is just expected to put up with it.

“‘Figured you guys would say that,’ Keefe told them, ‘even though you can’t really stop us.’ He winked at Sophie.” Oh, boy. Shannon’s really leaning into Keefe’s “bad-boy” persona, isn’t she? Someone needs to explain to her the level of cringe this invokes. Also, the winking is back. Wow, isn’t Keefe so cool. You know, cuz he winks at Sophie like they're in on a secret or something. Isn’t that so badass.

“‘But I think you’re also forgetting, Foster, that we’ve managed to get a lot done when school is in session. We stopped the gnomish plague while going to Exillium—and you managed to look into the Everblaze while juggling midterms. You even got your abilities fixed—and healed Alden—during the first term this year.’” Shannon, please stop using Keefe as summary and narration. We know. We read the series. We don’t need you to recap it for us. We’re well aware.

“‘You’re welcome for making it so you don’t have to stare at ten thousand reflections of yourself every day,’ Keefe told him. Sophie elbowed Keefe as she sat beside him. ‘You don’t get to brag about leaving me covered in shattered glass.’” Keefe literally just joked about destroying Foxfire . . . wow. The audacity is. Just, wow. Sure, Sophie calls him out, but it’s very light-hearted. Again, Keefe is incapable of being serious, even when the topic or time calls for it.

[cut because character limit]

“‘Much as I’m enjoying this sudden overflow of adorable Foster-rage—it’s not worth it.’” Ah, more of Keefe infantilizing Sophie and invalidating her feelings. If someone finds your anger or worry “adorable” and acts like it’s this cute little quirk, then that’s never a good thing. Especially if they enjoy it. Someone who cares about you should never enjoy seeing you angry or worried. 

“‘Uh, we all know Foster can’t bear to be away from me—and art is about honesty. That’s why I made sure I have the best hair.’” Sometimes, I wonder how some of the shit Keefe says can even be real. How is he not collapsing from the cringe? Keep in mind, this is all taking place in front of a large audience.

“‘Only for some people,’ Biana noted. ‘He gave the rest of us mood candy. Again.’” Yes, because he only cares about Sophie and prioritizes her over everyone. He only cares about her feelings and her wishes. He doesn’t extend the same courtesy to anyone else. In other words, he pedastalizes Sophie to such an extent, it makes him blind to other people’s wishes. He has such tunnel vision, it’s funny. He’s very neglectful of his other friends.

“‘I’m sure she didn’t. This’—he traced a finger over the crease between her eyebrows—’doesn’t make you very convincing.’” Keefe really needs to stop touching Sophie’s face weirdly.

“He strode over to her, and she tried to back away but crashed into the wall.” Ah, the infamous scene. Keefe once again invades Sophie’s personal space. He moves toward her, and when she tries to move away from him, he doesn’t let her move. Wow. Real upstanding guy. This is not romantic. This is creepy. 

“‘Oh, I know. But you’re forgetting something, Foster.’ He was close enough to reach out and gently tuck her hair behind her ear as he leaned in to whisper, ‘I like a challenge.’” And then, as if creeping all over Sophie wasn’t enough, he gets up in her face, touches her face, and says this cringy-ass line. Again, this is not romantic. This is creepy. 

“‘On the one hand, the look on Fitz’s face is pretty priceless right now, and I know it’s killing him not to say, ‘But we’re Cognates!’ But on the other hand . . . don’t go thinking this lets you into the Foster Fan Club, Bangs Boy!’” Can Keefe let any guy in their group do anything for Sophie without immediately seeing him as a threat?

“She could feel him reaching for her glove—and yanked her hand away.” Keefe tries to breach Sophie’s boundaries. But what else is new.

“If she’d had it her way, she’d be alone. She’d even tried asking Keefe to leave, but there was no getting rid of him.” Sophie literally asked Keefe to leave her alone, and he didn’t. He disrespects her boundaries, invalidates her feelings and assumes that she wants him around all the time, even when she tells him she doesn't want him there. That’s not being caring, that’s thinking you know someone else’s feelings better than they know their own feelings. This might be Keefe’s worst act yet. When someone wants to be left alone, you leave them alone. You don’t assume that they don’t know their own wishes and encroach on their space, instead. It’s disgusting and manipulative, and the fact that Shannon said that in a throwaway, forgettable line shows that she doesn’t understand how horrific that is. It’s also another example of Keefe being arrogant and assuming that Sophie always needs him when she’s down. Only him, because he knows her so well! It’s very cocky and somewhat entitled behavior.

Nightfall Short Story:

“‘Look! I’m all better!’ Keefe promised [ . . . ]” Why did Shannon have to make Keefe so unbearably annoying. Like, seriously. He’s told he’s going to have permanent damage if he doesn’t do bed rest and his reaction is literally Oh, well. He needs to stop treating serious issues like jokes.

“‘I can always pry those pouty lips open and pour it down your throat,’ Ro added with a smile that showed every single one of her pointed teeth.” Why is Keefe refusing to take his medicine??? Is he really that stupid and excruciating?

“‘It’s only for a week’ ‘Uh, do you realize how many times Foster can almost die in a week?’” Does Keefe really think he can stop Sophie from almost dying??? Just because of his . . . presence??? Wow, he’s even more arrogant than I thought. 

“He didn’t care what anyone said. Sophie needed his help.” Oh, boy. He really does see himself as her savior. How adorable. And by adorable, I mean obsessive and creepy. Is he really so stupid and stubborn that he’s willing to risk doing permanent damage to his body just so he can . . . see her? He won’t even be able to go with her to Nightfall??? What exactly does he think he’s going to do?

“Then he was lost to his floaty dreams, most of which focused on the gold-flecked brown eyes he could never get out of his head.” What Wattpad author held a gun to Shannon’s head for her to write this??? Damn . . . he really does have an unhealthy obsession with her. 

“‘It is. It’s going to take me a little while to make it—but it’ll seriously top every gift she’s been given before.’” Fantastic. So he’s still as arrogant as ever. Even after whatever miniscule amount of character development he supposedly gets in this story.

“From that point on, he only had one goal: to be whatever Sophie needed. Not the hero. Not the one taking charge of everything. Just a guy ready to listen and help and be there for her. A friend. Until she was ready for more.” The fact that his “one goal” is essentially to be obsessed with Sophie is kinda. Not good. Keefe is a classic case of obsessed-with-the-love-interest syndrome. It takes over everything and he can’t even do a week of bed rest without obsessing over her every single day of it. Also, the part at the end where he says “Until she was ready for more” . . . bro. I do not have the words to describe how disgusting that is. He just sort of . . . assumes that one day he and Sophie will end up together. Now, think back to all the times he’s begged Sophie not to hate him. Even at this moment, he knows Sophie’s angry with him. If he truly thought she would hate him, why would he assume that he’d end up with her someday? It’s a walking contradiction. It’s so revolting to assume that one day someone you like will end up with you. It also proves my point that Shannon only throws all those “Please don’t hate me”s in there to attract pity for Keefe. If he actually believed she would ever hate him, he wouldn’t assume so readily that one day she would be “ready for more”. Pick a lane Shannon: he can either be sure Sophie will want to be with him someday, or he can think she hates him, but you can’t have it both ways. They’re opposites.

Flashback:

“‘[ . . . ] forced herself to meet Keefe’s ice blue eyes. ‘I’m fine.’ When he raised one eyebrow, she added, ‘I’m just frustrated [ . . . ]’” (7) That’s right, the page numbers return. And I have physical copies of the rest of the series, so they’re here to stay. It may seem like Keefe is just trying to check on Sophie and make sure she’s okay, which is a noble cause, but when someone says they don’t want to talk about something, that means they don’t want to talk about it. That does not mean you prod and prod until they spill. So many things Sophie tells Keefe get twisted and people think she tells him because she trusts him, but more often than not she doesn’t and he just prods her or extorts them out of her.

“‘You’re so adorable when you worry. I’ve told you that, right?’” (12) Yes, you have, and saying it more doesn’t make it any less icky and gross and infantilizing. It’s like he’s dumbing Sophie down to this object who only exists to entertain him with her adowabuw wittle feewings, instead of a person with very real, very complex emotions.

“He traced his thumb over the sliver of skin between her glove and the edge of her beaded sleeve. ‘There’s something you’re not saying right now. I can feel it.’” (12) Keefe once again breaches boundaries because he can’t keep his nose out of other people’s personal feelings. He has no right to just help himself to Sophie’s emotions like that. It’s a massive breach of boundaries, and then using that to try to pry the secret out of her is nothing short of repulsive behavior.

“‘Come on, Foster. It’s me. You know you can trust me.’” (12) Does she? Does she know that? Because it seems like in order to trust Keefe, Sophie would have to know that for herself, instead of having Keefe feed that to her. Sophie likely does trust Keefe, even if her trust is misplaced, but saying it like that is very, very manipulative. And Sophie really shouldn’t trust Keefe, because almost everything she tells him is manipulated and extorted out of her. She’d tell him a lot less if it weren’t for his toxic traits and extortive empathy. 

“‘Lord Hunkyhair,’ Keefe corrected. ‘What? It’s accurate.’ He tossed his head like he was in a shampoo commercial.” (20) I forgot about this atrocious nickname.

“‘Fintan knew Keefe would be dumb enough to go after them,’ Ruy added, ‘so he had our Technopath make a couple of replicas.’” (89) I mean . . . he isn’t wrong about Keefe’s stupidity.

“Tam and Keefe had been feuding since the moment they’d met—even though they were so similar it was kind of hilarious.” (117) Again, if Shannon wants us to believe that Keefe and Tam have this deep rivalry, rather than Keefe being jealous of Tam and Tam thinking Keefe’s annoying because he gets possessive of Sophie, then she’s going to have to put a lot more effort into it then that.

“‘It’s okay to hate me,’ Keefe said from the doorway.” (138) Oh, boy, here comes the forced consolation scene pity-party. That’s going to take up a whole two chapters, by the way. I don’t know about you, but I really don’t want to watch Keefe wallow in his own self-pity while Sophie strokes his ego for two entire chapters. 

“‘Fintan’s good. His emotions always felt normal when I asked about the caches. A little nervous. A little suspicious. Exactly the way he would’ve felt if they were real.’” Wait, Keefe asked Fintan about the caches??? This is just getting better and better, by which I mean Keefe’s getting stupider and stupider. My guy. Have some subtlety. When asking about something you want, you don’t just outright ask that. Keefe’s even dumber than I thought. Seriously, how did he think he was smarter than the Neverseen?

[cut because character limit]

“‘Don’t beat yourself up about the caches. We’ll figure something out.’” (140) That’s the thing, though. Keefe needs to do some serious thinking about his choices and how they affect the entire thing. He needs to have that development. But Shannon wants to convince the audience that he’s fine the way he is. He doesn’t need to repent and change! He just needs to be entirely devoted to Sophie and everyone will still love him. He faces no consequences for running off with the Neverseen at all, despite the fact that he set them back. A lot. He’s still allowed to be in on all their plans and still trusted. Do you see what I mean? It’s like it never happened. It’s like he never ran off to join the Neverseen. There’s no impact. Everyone still trusts him, everyone still relies on him, nobody’s wary, nobody thinks he’s going to mess something else up, even though he’s proven, time and time again, that he’s reckless and cannot be trusted. Keefe cannot be trusted. But the narrative refuses to acknowledge it. He should be forced to sit on the side while everyone else comes up with a plan that excludes him. That should be when he realizes he can’t be trusted because he thinks he’s smarter than everyone and messes everything up. Keefe’s arc practically wrote itself for Shannon, but she refuses to let her character have growth. Keefe needs to have people, especially Sophie, be mad at him, so that he can realize what he did that was so wrong.

“‘You don’t have to tell me I’m a jerk,’ Keefe mumbled. ‘I already know.’” (147) Does he? Because if he was truly sorry, he would volunteer to sit on the sideline, so he knew he wouldn’t mess anything up again. He would volunteer to face whatever consequences he should’ve had coming for his actions. But he doesn’t. Because he isn’t truly repentant. He’s just throwing a pity party for himself. In the end, he’s just a pity magnet whose only purpose in the story is to lay it on thick so that he can gain more and more pity. There’s really nothing to pity him for. He did the action, so he has to face the consequence. It’s that simple. But he doesn’t. Remember what I said about how Keefe, despite Shannon claiming he doesn’t want pity, really does nothing but wallow in his own self-pity to make the audience feel sorry for him? Well this entire scene is a prime example.

“[ . . . ] every reckless decision he’d made over the last year was all part of his desperate attempt to relieve the shame and fear that were eating him up inside. That was the problem with guilt.” (148) By the way, Keefe’s whole “legacy” backstory is just another excuse for his actions. In the barest sense, nothing Keefe’s mom does or plans for him is on Keefe. He has no control and none of that’s his fault. So the fact that Shannon built his entire story on the fact that he’s guilty over something he didn’t do is so stupid I don’t have the words for it. If he doesn’t have something to be guilty over, how can he be a pity magnet? But if he does have something to be guilty over, he’d actually have to do something to deserve that guilt, right? So Shannon tries to have it both ways. Her precious Keefe can’t do anything actually wrong, or he won’t be so perfectly innocent anymore. So where’s his sob story going to come from? Oh right, he’ll just feel responsible for his mom’s actions. A perfect fix to the conundrum. But really it makes no sense at all. And it gives her every excuse to heap a suffocating amount of pity on him while simultaneously having him insist he hates pity.

“‘Too bad I’m stuck being the designated loser,’ Keefe said under his breath.” (149) Quite the pity party he’s throwing for himself there. Nothing ever got accomplished because someone wallowed in their self-pity. And that’s all Keefe does. 

[cut because character limit]

“‘Do you trust me?’ she asked. ‘Of course I do---that’s not the problem.’” (151) No, he may think he trusts her. But he really doesn’t. If he truly trusted her, he wouldn’t keep thinking he’s smarter than her and making plans without consulting her. He would value her input in his plans if he trusted her. He would stop feeling this incessant need to protect her and trust that she’d be able to handle herself. Because, let’s face it, more often than not, Keefe ends up giving Sophie more grief and worry than anything. She’s always worried about him and he’s even set her progress back several times. But he still thinks he needs to be there for her all the time. Not to mention, he doesn’t trust her decision when she says she doesn't want to share her feelings and thoughts with him, so he forces them out of her. True trust isn’t constantly leaping into that person's business and constantly trying to save them when they don’t need or want you to. True trust is trusting that they know what they want and need, and acting accordingly. 

“‘Umber wouldn’t have been able to find you if I hadn’t given you that pendant. Just like the day the Neverseen broke Silveny’s wing because of the Sencen crest I was wearing.’ ‘And you know what both of those things have in common?’ Sophie asked. ‘You had no idea that the Neverseen were manipulating you.’” (151) You know what I’m going to say. Forced consolation scene. The first statement Keefe says is valid. That mistake was on Keefe. He’s the one who thought he was smarter than everyone and then made such horrible mistakes that Sophie and Fitz will now have to recover for a third of this book. That was entirely on him. And honestly, pity shouldn’t be the automatic reaction. Anger is fine, too. But if Sophie’s angry at Keefe (as she should be), how can the narrative continue to pity him? But Keefe’s second statement is clearly thrown in there to attract pity. Look, it’s poor Keefe again, blaming himself for his mom’s actions again. It’s not pitiable. It’s just plain stupid. That wasn’t on Keefe in the slightest. The narrative then tries to equate both these actions with each other in Sophie’s statement, which is clearly an attempt to absolve Keefe of any blame for what he did when he was with the Neverseen. He underestimated his opponent and in his overconfidence, thought he could outplay them. He took a stupid risk without considering what his team would think and stole the pendant back without a thought in the direction of whether the Neverseen would suspect him. He even says in Lodestar that he didn’t know what he was going to do if the Neverseen figured out what happened (I have the quote up there somewhere). That’s the thing. That entire situation is on him. It’s his mess and his fault. But the Sencen crest isn’t. Shannon, please stop comparing two incomparable situations to make Keefe look good. Also, what does Keefe even want? What is the point of him doing all this wallowing? Does he want Sophie to blame and hate him? No, obviously not. Does he want to be punished and face the consequences of his actions? No, because if he did, he would suggest that. So, in the end, all his wallowing, and dare I say whining, is just that: whining. It leads nowhere, does nothing, results in no ideas for how Keefe wants to prevent something similar from happening again, and is just Shannon trying to make Keefe pitiable. There is no point to any of this. It results in no change, no development, no ideas from Keefe about how he will change, which makes it the perfect recipe for an easily resettable conversation. Because that’s all these forced consolation scenes are. The same exact conversation, which results in no change, so that it can be had over and over and over. 

This scene is so unbearably long, and for what? Unfortunately, I can’t copy down the whole thing, but oh, boy. Shannon really needs to stop these horrible forced consolation scenes that eat up so much time. 

[cut because character limit]

“‘Ugh, I shouldn’t tell you this, since it’ll just make you think I’m even more messed up than you already do—’ [ . . . ] ‘All I know is, weapons and blood don’t bother me the way they bother other people, so . . . yeah. Feel free to think I’m super creepy—” (161) The forced consolation is really being laid on thick. Shannon has switched from Sophie comforting Keefe over his guilt over something he didn’t do (over and over and over, just so Shannon can really annoy the point into us) to Sophie saying Keefe isn’t creepy because . . . weapons and blood don’t bother him. Huh??? Why would someone get freaked out because someone else isn’t bothered by blood??? That doesn’t automatically make them a killer. What kind of leap in logic is this??? But of course, Shannon has to have something to fuel her forced consolation scenes, and she’s burnt out all the Keefe’s-guilt-over-his-mom thing, so she has to switch to something else. Also, Keefe couldn’t be more of a pity magnet. He literally thought that Sophie would hate him because . . . weapons don’t freak him out. While they’re in the middle of a war. Wow. Shannon so badly wants us to pity him, it’s pathetic. Sophie needs to be Keefe’s personal assurance robot over something, so now it’s his nonaversion to blood. That’s the thing. Sophie always has to reassure Keefe of some dumb thing he shouldn’t worry about, and Shannon loves to blow it out of proportion to make it seem like this huge thing when it’s not. That’s why her forced consolation scenes are so forced. Because the consolation happens over the stupidest things. And there’s so many of them, like Shannon’s trying to convince us that we should really think this is something worth spending so much page time on. 

“‘Well, I think it’s safe to say that the Fitzphie slumber party is a total snoozefest,’ Keefe said [ . . . ]” (219) Keefe’s incessant use of ship names and the term “fest” returns with a vengeance. I honestly don’t get how Shannon didn’t see how juvenile his dialogue sounds. He doesn’t sound fifteen. He sounds six.

“‘You’ve had this campus to yourself all night every night, and you haven’t caused even a tiny bit of chaos.’” (223) Is this guy for real??? Serious??? While she’s literally on bed rest? I- I don’t have the words to describe how stupid he is. And if he isn’t being serious, then oh, boy, are his jokes so atrociously bad it concerns me.

“‘I’m really not in the mood.’ ‘I know—that’s what makes it extra fun. Go on.’” (225) Keefe stop salivating at any opportunity to annoy Sophie for his own amusement challenge. Keefe stop being a selfish piece of shit challenge.

“‘I thought if they saw me as Captain Committed, they’d teach me something good.’” (227) Shannon really needs to stop with the atrocity that is her nickname humor. 

“‘I shouldn’t have brought up any of those worries. Edaline warned me that you need to stay calm right now.’” (231) Nothing to say about this right now, but just remember this quote. I’ll touch on it in a little bit. Coloring it green to make it easy. 

“‘Rest. Recover. Take whatever medicine and time you need to get strong again. And trust the rest of us to cover anything that comes up while you’re down.’” (233) If only Keefe had taken his own advice a book ago . . . and someone's going to say "But he learned his lesson, didn't he?" To that, I say I've already covered all the reasons why he really didn't.

“‘I didn’t get swoony,’ Sophie felt the need to point out. ‘Keep telling yourself that, Foster. Keeeeeeeeeep telling yourself that.’” (235) First of all, counting those Es out was misery. At some point in Nightfall, Shannon really starts to jack up the amount of times she does that stretchy-word thing. And secondly, Keefe’s lack of self-awareness is as cringy as ever.

“‘I think Scaley Butt should be near Krakie so it looks like they’re swimming together. And then Bitey could be close to The Stink so it looks like he’s trying to chomp him.’” (251) A perfect example of Keefe’s atrocious mixture of potty humor and nickname humor, in the worst way possible.

[cut because character limit]

“‘Yeah, what time should we arrive to catch the Great Fitzphie Ooze Fest?’” (301) Someone needs to take away Shannon’s ability to type the word “fest”. Also Keefe’s horrible nicknames paired with immature humor strikes again. 

“‘I thought you weren’t supposed to be teasing Fitz,’ Sophie reminded him instead. ‘I’m not, but . . . he makes it so easy.’” (303) So when Keefe doesn’t want to set Sophie’s recovery back, he takes measures to make sure he doesn’t (remember that quote I told you to remember?), but when he has to do the same with Fitz, he doesn’t even seem remorseful when he slips up. He clearly favors Sophie, and remember, Fitz is supposed to be his best friend. He really doesn’t care about Fitz or his recovery at all. But he cares about Sophie’s.

“‘Hear that, Ro?’ he interrupted. ‘She’s giving me her serious voice.’” (304) Another example of Keefe infantilizing Sophie and dumbing her feelings down for the sake of a joke. Awwww, isn’t her serious voice so cute? She only does that when she thinks she has something important to say to us grown-ups! Awwwwwww. 

“‘He really doesn’t know when to quit, does he?’ Ro asked Sophie. ‘I’m pretty sure it’s a disease,’ Fitz told her. ‘Coping mechanism,’ Keefe argued.” (309) Shannon, pointing out Keefe’s flaws doesn’t give him character development. You actually have to like. Develop him. Also, the fact that Keefe had the perfect chance to reflect and change and instead decided to be as resistant to growth as he always is really says something about him.

“‘Why else would you spend so much time helping Miss Foster’s cause?’ ‘Uh . . . you’ve seen how cute she is, right?’” (312) Oh, gosh. Shannon really cranked Keefe’s atrocious humor up to eleven for this book, and since a good chunk of this book is filler, that’s all we have to go on for a good section. And if I thought it was bad when it was sectioned out, it’s even more unbearable now that Shannon is dumping it all on us at once. First of all, Keefe basically flat-out admitted a good chunk of his motive is because he wants to impress Sophie. People will argue and say that he’s just joking, but reading his short story was proof enough that he’s not really kidding. And second of all, Shannon really uses the word “Uh” a lot in this book right before someone makes a joke. It was fine at first, but it becomes so noticeable as the book goes on. It’s like she’s trying to tell us to brace for a joke. 

“I tell Keefe that stuff because it’s been the only way to get him to open up to me, she explained.” (323) Actually, more often than not, she doesn’t want to tell him anything. Usually, he forces it out of her with his empathy or manipulation or his general annoying demeanor. But thank you for twisting the narrative, Shannon. 

“Keefe guessed most of the story on his own, and I couldn’t deny it because Empaths are annoyingly impossible to lie to.” (324) That is not what happened. It’s explicitly said that Keefe “dragged the story out of her through relentless questions” (paraphrase, I have the real quote up there somewhere). He didn’t have to ask that. He could’ve respected Sophie’s boundaries and feelings. But he always has to stick his nose in everything when he thinks it’s his business. Fitz actually has a way better reason to know than Keefe; he just wants to improve their cognate relationship, but Keefe just wants to be nosy.

“She wasn’t sure if they were allowed to tell him—but it was so much easier than arguing.” (336) Keefe has literally annoyed Sophie so much that she doesn’t even think it’s worth the fight to keep a secret. That’s not good. It means that Sophie just succumbs to whatever he wants without a thought. That’s pretty much the highest sign of a toxic relationship.

“‘But you're kinda scraping bottom if you’re using me as the model of good decisions. Especially decisions concerning my parents.’” (337) Once again, Keefe shows that he’s fully aware of how dumb he is, he’s just so overly stubborn that he refuses to change. Shannon acts like this is an innate part of her personality and refuses to acknowledge it as a flaw. 

[cut because character limit]

“It’s always fun when you get feisty.” (355) I’ve said this about a gajillion times, but Keefe’s infantilization of Sophie is so horrific, it’s like he doesn’t care about her at all. He just sees her emotions as amusement for himself. 

“My life isn’t perfect, Fitz argued. Maybe not. But it’s pretty close, dude. I mean, yeah, Alvar’s a creep—but you still have your dad. And your mom. And Biana. And you’re still top of our class. And you’re Foster’s Cognate and . . . even without all of that, you’re still a Vacker. You’re always going to be the golden boy everyone expects greatness from. And I’ll always be the mess.” (360) Wow, Keefe is throwing quite the pity-party there for himself. If he didn’t want pity (which he explicitly says), then why does he keep saying he’s a mess? What are people supposed to say to that, besides You’re not a mess? Does he want them to tell him he’s a mess? This is a real thing people do, by the way, where they say negative things about themselves so that other people will reassure them they’re wrong. Keefe’s a massive hypocrite. If he truly didn’t want any sympathy, he wouldn’t keep saying he’s a mess and keep forcing the subject. Also, Fitz’s life is not perfect. Especially not now. I touched on this briefly before, but Keefe wouldn’t be jealous of Fitz being the top of their class. It makes no sense, when Keefe goes out of his way to cause trouble for himself in the academic department. It might make sense if Keefe tried and studied and still never matched Fitz, but we already know he doesn’t care. So this is another statement that’s just meant to attract pity and sympathy.

“Sophie had no idea what that meant—but it didn’t matter. I’m always going to be your friend. So am I, Fitz added. You sure about that? Keefe asked [ . . . ]” (361) Again, if Keefe really didn’t want pity, he wouldn’t keep going out of his way to say things that invoke pity. He would try to stay as far away from the subject as possible.

“‘Remember that? Such a classic Keephie moment!’” (380) Shannon needs to stop doing this whole self-aware thing. It doesn’t make her look smart to have Keefe talk about the ships in this series like he’s not involved in the story. It’s incredibly cringy.

“Is this that thing adults do where they make you think they’re giving you what you want but really they’re just wasting your time?’” (381) Another thing Shannon does is try to make the kids ““““““relatable”””””” by having them complain about adults all the time. Which is not how teenagers actually are. And once again, Keefe gets it the worst. Also, ungrateful much? Tiergan essentially offered to give him what he wants and he still fights it.

“‘Yeah, well [Sophie wearing Linh’s tunic] still breaks the fan club rules. As penance, I’m getting you a tunic that says, Empaths Give Me All the Feels, and I expect to see you wear it twice as often as Bangs Boy’s.’” (421) This is a joke, but the fact that Keefe makes such a big deal out of the tunic says a lot about his pathetic jealousy of Tam.

“Nah, he likes you better than me. Everyone does.’ ‘No they don’t.’ ‘Oh really? Tell me this: Have you heard from the Fitzster since he went home for the happy family reunion?’” (519) Another example of Keefe wallowing in self-pity. This book easily gets it the worst. It feels like everytime Keefe’s on-page, Shannon uses it to invoke more and more pity for him. If he doesn’t want people to pity him, then why does he keep saying things that invoke pity??? He doesn’t need to. Again, what exactly does he want Sophie to say? “Yes, Keefe, everyone hates you”? He is such a pity magnet and I get so tired of his constant whining because Shannon just does it so much. Then Keefe has the audacity to turn around and say shit like “I don’t want your pity”. Like, Keefe. My guy. You kinda sorta aren’t really giving them a choice with the things you say. 

[cut because character limit]

“‘Everything okay? Need me to leap over there? I will—I don’t care if Ro wins the bet.’” (521) First of all, if Sophie was not okay, what is Keefe going to do to make her feel better? Talk to her? He’s already doing that right now. Maybe read her emotions and extort a secret out of her? Also why does he automatically assume that Sophie needs him when she’s feeling down? That’s just. Such a bold assumption to make. Also, the fact that he’s so obsessed with Sophie to the point of throwing his bet under the bus just because she . . . looked tired? Is not good. That’s not a good thing. It’s a textbook sign of obsession. And Keefe’s obsession with and prioritization of Sophie is incredibly toxic. Again, if Shannon had made that out to be a negative quality on his part, it would be fine. But instead, she makes it seem like a desirable trait. He’s probably not willing to do that for anyone else, too. Like I’m sure he wouldn’t be willing to do that for Fitz, since he’s already admitted that he hasn’t talked to Fitz since he left the Healing Center. That’s on Fitz, too, sure, but a relationship goes two ways. So it’s also on Keefe.

“‘Sounds like I need to head over there after Daddy’s little hugfest tomorrow.’” (522) I just ranted about his obsession with Sophie, but this line is mostly here because it’s another example of Shannon’s love for the term “fest”.

“‘I can tell there’s something you're not telling me right now—but I’m not going to force you to talk about it. If you say you’re good, I’ll trust you.’” (522) Where did this sudden change come from? I know I’ve complained about this incessantly for this entire rant, but this seriously came out of nowhere. There was no development that led to this. It’s also a complete throwaway line, like blink-and-you-miss-it kind of thing. It’s a good thing, but it feels like Shannon randomly realized how creepy Keefe has been this entire time and shoehorned this in so it’d make him feel less creepy. Well, telling isn’t showing, Shannon, and it doesn’t change the fact that Keefe does this. A lot. 

“‘[ . . . ] if you and Fitz are visiting troll-baby hives without me, I am definitely losing at life, you know?’” (671) Someone needs to tell this guy that he doesn’t have to be a part of everything that happens in Sophie’s life. 

“‘So . . . you don’t hate me?’ Sophie rolled her eyes. ‘Ugh, how many times do I have to tell you—I’m never going to hate you!’ His smile looked tired. ‘Well. I guess that’s good enough. For now.’” (684) Again, Shannon really tries hard to make us pity Keefe. Also, that last part. Sophie not hating Keefe being “good enough” “for now” obviously implies that Keefe expects something more from her in the future. Shannon almost certainly wrote this with Sokeefe implications in mind, which is such a shitty thing for Keefe to say. He’s basically saying “You being my friend is fine for now, but one day I expect something more”. It’s honestly incredibly shitty. But also really subtle. So it can be skipped over or accidentally ignored.

“‘Thank you for thinking about me,’ he whispered. ‘No one does that.’ ‘Lots of people care about you, Keefe,’ Sophie gently corrected. He sighed. ‘I guess, but . . . ’” (725) The end of that sentence should be “those people who care about me aren’t you, and yours is the only opinion I care about because I pedestalize you heavily”. Again, if Keefe really didn’t want pity, he wouldn’t keep bringing things like this up. Plenty of people care about Keefe. He just pushes them all away except Sophie and then turns around and basically claims Sophie’s the only one thinking of him. Again, he prioritizes Sophie and then gets all woe is me, nobody cares about me except Sophie when he is the one pushing them all away.

[cut because character limit]

There isn’t really a quote to go with this, but Keefe only uses his emotional-calming breezes for Sophie, when it’s been proven they can work on anybody. He doesn't use them to help Fitz, although Fitz definitely could’ve used a couple throughout the climax of this book. He doesn’t use them to help Linh, either, when Linh learns about Tam. It's another way he pedestalizes Sophie to an unhealthy extent, and it’s not a good thing. 

Flashback Short Story: Keefe

“‘Sophie’s not some prize that Fitz and I get to fight over. She’s a person. And she has her own feelings—and no one knows those feelings better than I do!’” Again, it feels like Shannon randomly realized she had Keefe act like a jealous, possessive, manipulative asshole for the past book and wanted to turn that around so she added this in. But saying it doesn’t make it true. The mountain of evidence I’ve provided should make that clear enough. Again, it’s part of Shannon’s not-so-subtle pedestalization of Keefe. And the part where he says “no one knows those feelings better than I do” . . . oh, the nerve. The only reason he knows why she’s feeling what she’s feeling half the time is because he uses his empathy to extort her secrets out of her. It’s usually not because she wants to tell him or trusts him with whatever she’s feeling. 

Legacy

“‘Tell me why you have that cute little crease between your eyebrows.’” (70) You already know what I’m going to say. Keefe finding Sophie’s worry cute is textbook infantilization. But also, if he finds her worry and anger so adorable, what’s he gonna do when the Neverseen are defeated and Sophie doesn’t have as many things worrying her?

“‘You already know my mom gave me a letter to deliver to a house in London with a green door,’ he reminded Sophie as she made her way over. ‘And you said Fintan told you she sent me there to recruit somebody.’” (75) Yet another example of Shannon using Keefe’s dialogue as narration for things the audience already knows. I’m sure you’ve all heard of the “As you know” cardinal writing sin, but this is even worse than that because writers usually use it to convey something the audience doesn’t know. But Shannon literally used this to convey something the audience is already aware of. What the heck??? Shannon, stop treating your audience like we’re stupid. We read the previous book. We know what’s happening.

By the way, Sophie has some of the issues I’ve talked about here, too. Within a few pages alone in this chapter, she’s already gotten butthurt that Keefe left her out of one of his personal projects and tries to force her way into it (being nosy about things that aren’t strictly her business) and grabs one of his notebooks without his permission while he looks visibly uncomfortable and flips through it (invading his personal privacy). So it’s not just Keefe that has the problems I’ve listed here. But this list is strictly about Keefe, as I’ve said, so I won’t talk about anyone else, so in case you’re thinking “Well, [other character] did that too, and you never talked about it”, it’s because this list is solely reasons I don’t like Keefe. 

“‘I’m not sitting any of this out! And if you try to lock me up, it’s on.’” (88) Keefe once again demonstrates a startling lack of growth. He acts like a petulant child whose parents won’t let them go outside while it’s raining or something. He just got information that the Neverseen, specifically Tam, have been ordered to kill him. And knowing this, he insists on not “sitting any of this out”, even though he knows that he’s been ordered to be killed. He once again doesn’t care about how this might impact Sophie’s mental health, and his stupidity is back with full force. When you’re told that someone wants you, specifically you, dead, you listen. He’s so headstrong and arrogant that he thinks he can just, what, not be killed by pure determination? The Neverseen have already proven he can’t just do that. If Keefe could just make a single smart decision in his life or listen to a single good piece of advice, he might not be so annoying and frustrating as a character all the time.

“‘If something goes down in Loamnore like Forkle’s predicting, I will be there with you guys. Just like I’ll be there for anything else that happens—so let’s not make this into a fight, okay?’” (90) Once again, Keefe proves that he cannot take good advice. He throws his loved ones’ mental health under the bus because he’s too selfish not to sit one battle out for their sake. He still hasn’t faced a single consequence for the whole running-off-to-join-the-Neverseen thing, which he admitted in the last book was his biggest mistake. Actions like that should have consequences. And when you’ve been preemptively warned that you might be killed and still choose to go into the battle . . . wow. That’s just plain stupidity. And again, the fact that Keefe is willing to forsake Sophie’s opinion on the matter is ridiculously arrogant and taking-over-ish.

[cut because character limit]

“‘You’ll say, “Wow, that’s the hottest Wanderling I’ve ever seen! Who knew a tree could have such awesome hair?” And then you’ll all sit under my stunning leaves and write poems about my general amazingness.’” (91) Again, Keefe doesn’t know when to be serious. You can’t just joke your way through everything. Some things need to be treated with an appropriate amount of gravity. And Keefe doesn't know when to shut up with the jokes. It’s not a good quality. It makes him tone-deaf and insensitive. 

“‘I can joke about anything!’” (91) Like I just said, this isn’t a flex. It’s not a good thing. It’s very much a bad quality to have. People don’t need jokes all the time. They need them during appropriate times. 

“‘We’re always complaining that we don’t have any good leads. But I’m the lead. And I can’t help you guys if I’m hiding.’” (93) Keefe’s even stupider than I thought, which is really saying something. If Keefe’s the lead, then by definition, he doesn’t have to go anywhere to be useful. His argument is literally “I’m a lead to possibly useful information so you should let me go places”. Serious??? Real??? Bro. Keefe can be a lead sitting at home just fine. You don’t have to go anywhere to draw in a notebook. The fact that this is his argument and the fact that it’s not countered is just plain ridiculous. And stupid. Did I mention stupid? Because this argument is so stupid.

“‘Master elixir maker, ultimate gadget manipulator, and he scored a Foster kiss before Fitzy.’” (94) Keefe literally just casually spilled Sophie’s secret, emphasis on secret, to Sandor and Ro when he knew Sophie didn’t want him to. That’s just. And it’s treated so casually by the narrative. Sophie gets over it in half a second, and she just tells Keefe to stop distracting her. That’s it. This is a huge violation of trust and privacy and Keefe just every-so-casually violated it to try to distract Sophie for half a second. That’s just. It’s so. That is revolting behavior. It’s toxic, it’s selfish, it’s embarrassing (for Sophie), and Keefe, once again, faces no consequences for his actions. The line is a complete throwaway one, and Shannon’s attempt to make this a seemingly normal thing to do instead of the disgusting thing it really was is pathetic. I’d also like to mention that just a book ago, Sophie wouldn’t even tell Fitz, her cognate, who only wanted this information for the sake of their bond, the full story, because Dex had not consented to having the secret spilled. And now Keefe just spills it and you’re telling me Sophie’s just chill with that???

“‘See, but “smart” isn’t my brand. I’m more “reckless dream guy without a care”! It’s part of my whole “bad boy” image.’” (95) Did. Did Keefe just describe himself using blatant stereotypes? Wow. I- That’s just. Wow. Shannon really doesn’t have a single iota of shame. Also, her trying to make Keefe’s recklessness seem like a personality quirk instead of a very real flaw that could get someone else or himself killed is very troubling. Shannon. Stop treating Keefe’s recklessness like a good thing and stop letting him do reckless things without a hint of consequence. I promise nothing bad will happen to you if Keefe is allowed to grow and develop like a good character.

[cut because character limit]

“‘Yup! But I can’t stop her, so I might as well let her take you down with me.’” (97) This is Keefe talking about Ro using him as a lie detector to extort Sophie’s secret out of her, by the way. Which Keefe agrees to do. Which he wouldn’t do if he really was a good friend. Just like Sophie wouldn’t have to make this deal with Ro if Keefe would just listen to good advice for once and do the smart thing. But he doesn’t care about Sophie’s mental health, and he doesn't care about Sophie’s feelings, because or else he would respect them by agreeing to stay out of the Neverseen’s way and not using his empathy to extort secrets Sophie clearly doesn't want to share out of her. And Ro. Honestly, she’s even worse than Keefe, partly because of her personality, but mostly because of the wasted potential. Keefe was always going to be the “bad boy angsty prankster with daddy issues that causes trouble” trope that we've seen a million times. But Ro could’ve been so much more. She’s the ogre princess, and the most Shannon could do with her is make her a Sokeefe fangirl.

“‘He just doesn’t take no for an answer—you know how Keefe is.’” (147) Take that quote out of context, Shannon. I dare you. I wish Shannon would stop treating Keefe’s toxicity as a quirky little trait. The “you know how he is” implies that he’s like that because Keefe’s just Keefe, not because he forces his way into everything even when he shouldn’t. No means no. That is the number one rule of a healthy relationship. We teach this shit in school to teenagers so they don’t end up in abusive relationships, come on, Shannon. Even some random kid with a C- in health class knows more about toxic relationships than you do.

“‘I just love how it took you less than a day after your little chat with Bangs Boy to cut me out of everything.’” (215) Why are we looping back to this conversation??? We already spent almost a hundred pages of the book on it, and no, that is not an exaggeration. You can check. But of course, Keefe can’t not whine. He can’t not be annoying. He can’t not be stupid and nosy and unconcerned for his own safety and take everything Sophie does without him personally.

“‘Not saying she wouldn’t try. But I bet you anything Keefe will find a loophole.’” (270) I really wish people would stop acting like Keefe’s this super smart, all-powerful entity that can get out of any situation just because he’s Keefe. More often than not, Keefe is really stupid. He’s certainly not smart enough to figure out a way to escape an ogre dungeon. People need to stop acting like Keefe could get out of anything. It’s just another way Shannon tries to convince us he’s this smart guy, which is another way of propping up his arrogance.

“‘Yeah, Dex told me all about how not exhausting that was last night, when he checked in to tell me how things went for you two in London, while someone was off doing something with Mr. Forkle that was clearly both frustrating and intense—as most things with Forkle tend to be.’” (351) Sophie immediately goes to Keefe, and he subtly blames Sophie for not telling him what happened because of what she was doing with Forkle, which he even admits was frustrating and intense. That is such an asshole move, I can’t even. He literally blames her for not checking in with him because she had an emotionally exhausting day. Wow. It’s like he expects Sophie to be as obsessed with him as he is with her. 

[cut because character limit]

“‘But do you really think you’re going to be able to leave here without telling me what happened with the Forklenator? If you do, you’re going to be sorely, sorely disappointed—and covered in biscuit crumbs.’” (351) Again, Keefe as good as admits that he’d force Sophie to spill if she didn’t tell him what happened with Mr. Forkle. His extortive ways need to stop being glorified and start being treated like the horrific manipulation it is. 

“‘Soooooooo, what you’re saying is, you think I’m the king of bad decisions,’ Keefe said, laughing when Sophie fumbled for an apology. ‘Relax—I know what you meant. I’m just giving you a hard time. And you have a point. I’m not necessarily great at doing what I’m supposed to do and giving people what they want. And I’m not usually sorry about it either.’” (352) Those goshdarned Os. Shannon. Please stop doing that. It’s so annoying. And why is Sophie trying to apologize? It’s clearly Shannon’s way of making Keefe seem somewhat right. But the truth is, Keefe needs to have these hard truths shoved in his face. He needs someone to tell him unapologetically that he makes horrible decisions and he needs to reflect on that and change. And lastly. That third sentence. Keefe literally sounds . . . proud. Of the fact that he’s never sorry. He’s never sorry about his horrible decisions and he’s fine with that. His arrogance extends so much so that he knows he’s made bad decisions and knows that he should apologize, but doesn’t. And then he brushes that off so casually, like Haha, I don’t apologize for my mistakes. Aren’t I so quirky? People who are genuinely trying to be better usually aren’t like that. Keefe's toxicity and refusal to change even when he knows he should is so frustrating. Like he’s completely resistant to change and Shannon thinks that’s cool and badass. It’s not. It’s cringy and try-hard and most importantly, annoying.

“Keefe snatched Fitz’s wrist. ‘I knew it!’ ‘Knew what?’ Fitz shouted, trying to wrench his arm away. Keefe tightened his grip. ‘Shhhhh, let the Empath work.’” (367) Oh, boy. Keefe really is such a manipulative asshole. He grabs Fitz’s hand to read his emotions because he wants to know why Fitz is offering to search his dad’s memories. He really can’t respect his supposed best friend’s privacy, can he? He can’t control himself; when he wants to know something he needs to have it right away. He breaches people’s trust and boundaries. Fitz tries to “wrench his arm away”, meaning that he’s uncomfortable and clearly doesn’t want this. But Keefe instead tightens his grip and forcibly extricates what he wants out of Fitz, even having the audacity to say “let the Empath work”. What an asshole. Honestly. He’s such a piece of shit. He’s a terrible person and the fact that Shannon is romanticizing this behavior is revolting.

“Keefe smirked. ‘I think the moral of this conversation is, females are cruel.’” (369) I know I said I was ready to forgive Keefe’s sexist comments in the first and second books because they likely weren’t intentional in the way they came off (and are more of Shannon’s problem than Keefe’s really, but all of Keefe’s problems are inevitably Shannon’s, so) and they’d been removed from the graphic novel, so it was safe to say that Shannon didn’t want them there on second thought. But this book? It was released in 2019, seven years later. So yes, I’m counting this. And I said this once or twice already, but authors need to stop having male love interests be so casually sexist as a way of making them ““““““cooler””””””. Especially in a world where sexism isn’t supposed to even exist, oh my goodness. 

[cut because character limit]

“But she couldn’t leave without making sure Keefe was okay. He assured her he would be—and the third time he said it, he almost sounded convincing.” (371) That’s right. Sophie checks on Keefe not once, not twice, but three times to make sure he’s okay. Because . . . his dad’s going to have his memories searched by Fitz. Something that doesn’t even really involve him. But Sophie didn’t show even close to the same level of concern for Fitz, even though he’s clearly going through something with Alvar and Keefe explicitly says he’s feeling a mixture of embarrassment and anger. She doesn’t try to talk to him about it, doesn’t try to make sure he’ll be okay. Nothing. But Keefe has to be pampered and pitied. Of course. It shows another clear prioritization in the narrative of Keefe.

There’s not really a single quote I can pull to show this from Legacy (although there is actually a quote from Flashback page 48 that I have up there somewhere), but Sophie claims she understands all of Keefe’s actions because he’s doing it because of guilt with what happened with his mom. Every reckless decision he’s made was in an attempt to cope with that, right? But now, Fitz is going through the same thing. And not for a single second does Sophie try to apply the same understanding to Fitz about what it must be like to feel guilt and shame over a traitorous family member. Instead, all that spare pity goes to Keefe. The double standards, honestly.

“‘And don’t think I’m going to forget about the E.L. Fudges you owe me,’” (371) It’s a small thing, but Keefe never actually asks Sophie to get him the cookies. He just demands it from her, and now she apparently “owe[s]” them to him. 

“‘I mean, I feel like if there’s one thing Fitzy and I both excel at, it’s making you angry.’” (542) You should never excel at making someone you care about angry. That’s not a good thing. (Yes, this applies to Fitz as well, but at least he always apologizes and makes amends. Keefe, not so much.)

“‘Okay, but just because you guys are smart enough to think of that doesn’t mean the Neverseen are,’ Keefe argued. ‘And even if you’re right, isn’t it worth it to double-check?’” (558) Is he really this stupid. Please tell me this isn’t real. Keefe. This is the Neverseen. Of course they’re smart enough to think of that! They’re always a million steps ahead and for the last seven books, we know that underestimating them leads to terrible things. Keefe’s stupidity is really just so. Ugh. And no. It’s not “worth it” to “double-check” a place where they know the Neverseen frequently go. All Keefe ever wants to do is run straight into danger without a plan and all Sophie (and the narrative) ever does is let him without any consequences. 

“‘Yeah, well, then you proved my mom’s a murderer, so excuse me for freaking out a little,’ Keefe snapped, tearing a hand through his hair.” (559) Freaking out would be understandable. And he is. But Keefe wants to go straight to London to a place where the Neverseen are known to go without a plan just because . . . he thinks it will trigger a memory. No guarantee, he just thinks it will. This guy is so stupid, and I’m so tired of the way everyone in the story (mostly Sophie) just bends to his will. Because it’s Keefe. 

“‘I don’t care about safe or smart right now,’ Keefe added quietly. ‘I care about finding the truth. Just let me walk those streets. That’s all I’m asking.’” (559) No, “all [he’s] asking” is to go to a place where they know the Neverseen go. He also literally admitted that he doesn’t care about safety or being smart. Why the heck does anyone take this guy seriously? He should be put in his place right now, not encouraged. But that’s what the narrative does. Instead of punishing him for his reckless behavior, the narrative instead glorifies it. Not to mention, he’s not supposed to go anywhere the Neverseen could be right now. Because they think they’re trying to kill him. 

[cut because character limit]

“Mostly, though, she’d seen Keefe like this before—dangling by such a very, very thin thread. There was too high of a risk that it would snap and he’d run off without her.” (560) And when Keefe needs something, everyone needs to bend over backwards to accommodate him. He’s such a spoiled brat and it’s so tiring to watch the narrative justify his actions over and over again. He gets special treatment. As soon as he needs something, even if it goes against every single logical decision that could possibly be made, Sophie will make sure he gets it. Or at least Shannon will. He should not be encouraged, he should be punished for this. 

“‘I know I’ve made huge mistakes in the past, but I’m trying to learn from them—and the last thing I ever want to do is let you down. Okay?’” (568) He says, while going on an excursion to a place where the Neverseen regularly go after blatantly admitting he doesn’t care about safety or being smart. He just wants to get his way. That’s his problem. He’s so emotional, and not at all rational. He can’t see two steps in front of him because all he cares about is himself and what he thinks he can find, and he’s willing to sideline smarter ideas because he still thinks he’s smarter than everyone. So no, he has not learned a single thing. It’s laughable that he thinks he has. And we also get more pedestalization of Sophie, with him saying he never wants to let her down. What about letting Fitz, his best friend, down? What about the rest of their team? What about Mr. Forkle? What about Alden and Della, who he thought of as his own parents? Goodness.

“[ . . . ] she was planning to use midnight as the ‘we need to get home and face the consequences of our actions’ handy cutoff [ . . . ]” (573) It’s worth it to say that Sophie doesn’t want to go to London. She never did. She only goes because Keefe goes, and she knows that he will do something dumb if she is not there to babysit him. She knows it’s a bad choice, but she (rightfully) doesn’t trust Keefe, so she takes the responsibility to make sure they get home safe on herself because she’s knows Keefe will not prioritize that. The fact that she goes is again, another clear show of her lack of faith in Keefe, because all he’s done is do reckless stupid things. To say Sophie trusts Keefe is blatantly false, because if she did, she would not have given into him so easily even though she herself thinks this is a bad idea and she would have trusted that he wouldn’t try to run off himself.

“‘Thanks for the warning, by the way,’ he told Tam. ‘As you can see, it worked super well.’” (579) Keefe is just so. I don’t even have the words. Not only does he not listen to Tam after being warned about a possible attempt on his life, but he literally flaunts his disobedience and stubbornness in Tam’s face. He’s so arrogant, he literally cares about one-upping Tam over the possible attempt on his life. 

[cut because character limit]

“‘We had her,’ Keefe said again. ‘And Tam would’ve been free if he’d just come with us.’ [ . . . ] Just like she stopped herself from reminding Keefe that when he’d been with the Neverseen, there’d been a moment when he’d chosen to help Alvar escape instead of fleeing with her and her friends. They’d have that conversation later. Once Keefe had calmed down. And once she’d had more time to process what had happened—because even if Tam did have a good reason for what he’d done, it could still end up being the kind of mistake they’d all pay the price for.” (587) Except they never do “have that conversation later”. Shannon loves to drop the ball on important conversations that should take place between Sophie and Keefe in exchange for her forced consolation scenes. Then she says that even if Tam’s “betrayal” had a good reason, they’d still all pay the price. Which she never thinks about when Keefe did a similar thing in Lodestar. She never allows herself to think that Keefe may be in the wrong after Keefe escapes with Alvar and the crystal. Even though Keefe did that of his own free will and Tam was forced. Just. The double standards when it comes to anyone that’s not Keefe. It’s just another example of how the narrative favors Keefe. 

“‘This . . . is the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me—by a lot.’” (598) Again, with the pity-partying. I don’t understand why Shannon insists on making Keefe wallow in all this self-pity. He takes any opportunity to remind Sophie of just how terrible his life is, even when it’s not relevant, and then we’re supposed to believe he doesn’t want pity? That’s laughable. Why would he keep saying these things if he didn’t want pity or sympathy? That’s not how that works. Also, this statement is objectively untrue. Alden and Della cared for him as much as they could. All the adults offered their places when he didn’t know where to go. But, once again, Keefe only cares about what Sophie does for him. He takes everything else for granted. It makes him come off as whiny. I think offering your place to stay is a much better favor than getting someone cookies, but okay. Why must he be such a pity magnet?

“‘I mean . . . the next time I see Bangs Boy, I’m going to kick him somewhere extra sensitive.’” (598) For what? For helping Gisela escape? Like Keefe did with Alvar when he was with the Neverseen? Oh, what a hypocrite. By that logic, someone should kick Keefe, since he did much worse things. Here’s a list: compromising Alluveterre, giving up his blood, freeing Alvar (which probably wouldn’t have mattered, given the whole Lumenaria thing, but Keefe didn’t know that at the time), being wrong several times about the Neverseen going after Grady and Edaline, giving up the cache and bringing back fakes, and giving Sophie the tracker that led the Neverseen to her and Fitz. Where’s his punishment for all that? Why is everybody so ready to forgive him? Of course, Sophie doesn’t call Keefe out for any of that despite saying she would not even fifteen pages ago (the quote from two bullet points ago). 

“‘If you have other things to do—’ Keefe tried to tell her. But Sophie shook her head, channeling Sandor when she told him, ‘I go where you go.’” (625) Sophie then sidelines her duties for Keefe’s incredibly stupid mission to find two black bottles from literal years ago. When I say the narrative favors Keefe. This is what I mean. Sophie puts Keefe above her team. She cares more about his ill-fated search for the bottles than she does about her own job. Shannon. Stop acting like everything Sophie does when she blatantly puts Keefe above everything is justified. 

[cut because character limit]

“‘Uh-uh, Foster. You’re not making me sit all this out.’” (643) Keefe is really so dumb that even now when he has all the information, he still wants to go running straight into danger. And I think this is a good time to talk about one other thing. You can count on two things when it comes to Keefe. One: He’ll always throw a pity party for himself and mope around and whine and cry and be all It’s all my fault, woe is me, and then immediately follow that up with a “I don’t want your pity”, as if that lessens his pity-partying, and two: He’ll always want to be in on the action because he thinks he’s smarter than everyone else, although he’s usually the stupidest person in the room. However, these two things are directly contradictory. If Keefe really thought everything was all his fault, he would volunteer to sit missions out. He would say that he’s a liability and that he’s trying to work on himself and that he wants to make sure he won’t fuck anything else up, so he’d want to sit out things like this to ensure he didn’t mess everything up. That’s how I know he doesn’t actually care about anyone but himself and his wishes, and that he’s just trying to make everyone feel bad for him when he brings up how everything is his fault. If he really did want to change and improve, he’d do some self-reflection, realize he’s always the problem, and tell everyone that he’s going to not go into the field so he doesn't mess everything up like he always does. Yet, he’s the opposite. He always wants to go straight into the action without a thought or plan. When he throws his pity-parties, he never explains to Sophie how he’s going to stop himself from messing everything up again. He just says “I’ll do better, I’m trying to be better”, and then he just leaves it at that. If he truly felt that everything was his fault, he would not always think he’s smarter than everyone and override everyone’s plans with his own. Bottom line is: Keefe’s a massive hypocrite. Every single thing he does or says is in stark contrast to something else he says or does. And the narrative just lets him get away with it, every time. He is so frustrating. 

“‘You won’t be missing out on anything, except watching me fail epically at being Team Valiant’s leader and Fitz’s girlfriend,’ ‘You’re not failing at either of those things,’ Keefe assured her quietly.” (644) Oh, she definitely is. And Keefe is a major part of that, too, because Sophie favors him over everyone, including Fitz and her team. But that’s not his fault, it’s the narrative’s. What is his fault is telling Sophie that she’s not bad at these things. Good friends know when to call out their friends on their bad behavior. They don’t instead tell their friends to stick their head in the sand and ignore it. They don’t pedestalize their friends to such an extent that they are incapable of believing they could ever be in the wrong. This is an extreme example, but if your friend was an alcoholic, would you tell them that everything’s fine and that they aren’t failing miserably at life because they’re drunk before ten in the morning everyday? No, because good friends know when to call their friends out. They don’t encourage it or sugarcoat it. If Keefe would stop pedestalizing Sophie, he would tell her that yes, this is all her fault, actually, and he would assure her that she can still fix her mistakes and might even give her pointers on how to do that. But Sophie is failing at these things. It does nobody any good to pretend she’s not. Navigating this miserable minefield of a forced consolation scene and getting to this quote actually made me put down the book and laugh. Because seriously. How is this real? How?

“And Sophie started to shake her head, but he reached up, gently grabbing her chin.” (644) Another example of Keefe creepily touching Sophie without her permission. It’s not okay, even if they’re close.

[cut because character limit]

“Sophie closed her eyes, taking a second to remind herself that Fitz had every right to be upset. But for some reason that felt hard to believe at the moment.” (675) There’s no real quote that goes with what I’m about to say, so this’ll have to do. This has more to do with the way Keefe is written rather than the character himself. When Keefe has a reason to go batshit, Sophie’s there with him, usually in an atrociously written forced consolation scene, comforting him and telling him it’s not his fault. When she’s not, the narrative at least justifies his actions a considerable amount. Most other characters don’t get that same treatment. For example, Fitz. Fitz told Sophie and Keefe both (well, actually, it was forced out of him by Keefe, but details, am I right?) that he was searching for Alvar. It’s that same mix of guilt and frustration and anger and embarrassment (the last two are canonically confirmed, page 367, I have the quote up there somewhere) that causes him to embark on this quest. Sound familiar? That’s exactly what Keefe feels with regards to his mom, and his feelings manifest as reckless decisions. They make him stupid. They make him overly emotional. They make him dangerous. And most notably, they make everyone fall over themselves trying to feel sorry for him. Of course, Keefe does deserve some sympathy, but the amount that the narrative showers on him is completely over-the-top. Where is that treatment for Fitz? He embarks on a mission to find Alvar to relieve himself of those same feelings, which isn’t viewed with nearly as much sympathy as Keefe’s reckless decisions to do the same with his mother are viewed with. Then when Keefe and Sophie take over his project and completely screw him over, then literally let Alvar go which is exactly what Fitz has been trying to avoid which they are fully aware of without even getting Fitz’s permission, the narrative makes Fitz out to be the bad person. He’s just trying to do the same thing Keefe is, in a less reckless, dangerous, stupid, and emotional manner, may I add, and he’s instantly villainized for it. How much do you want to bet that if this exact thing had happened except it was with Gisela and Keefe, the narrative would have tripped over itself to justify Keefe’s (rightful) anger? Oh wait . . . it already did. With Tam in London. I almost lost sight of that moment among the mashpot of similar moments that are all designed to heap as much sympathy as possible onto Keefe. That’s what I’m saying. Most people don’t care as much about Fitz’s feelings as they do Keefe’s, not because his feelings aren’t valid, but because the narrative drains any excess sympathy you might feel for him and dumps it all onto Keefe. It’s nothing but biased writing. 

“‘I mean, how hard is it to shape a threat into a clever couplet or two?’” (694) Shannon needs to stop making the same joke about rhyming notes. Also, Keefe once again demonstrates a lack of seriousness during a crisis.

“[ . . . ] ‘you don’t have to worry. I’m not going to let my mom hurt anyone.’” (694) As if he can control who his mom hurts. You would think he would’ve learned that by now, but it’s Keefe. I am not even close to being surprised. Also, another example of a forced consolation scene with no point! Yay!

[cut because character limit]

“‘Did I not mention?’ Keefe called from somewhere in the shadows. ‘I brought friends.’” (729) Exactly. So he didn’t have to come. He claims he came to help out with an exit strategy using Linh’s dwarven bodyguards, right? So really only Linh was necessary here. Keefe didn’t have to come at all. His excuse was pathetic. He really can’t stay out of the crew’s way, even when everyone, including Keefe himself, agrees that it’s the best plan. But he can’t help but hijack their shared plan for his own. Sound familiar? That’s right, it’s what he did in Nightfall and so many other books and claimed to be learning from. But this right here is proof that he didn’t learn anything. The crew’s entire plan hinged on the fact that Keefe wasn’t going to be in Loamnore. That was the whole point. So by coming, Keefe didn’t just trip up a few small details, he literally ruined their entire plan. He didn’t have to come, he came because he wanted to. Because, once again, he really thinks he’s smarter than everyone. His arrogance never fails to astound me. 

“And she wondered how much it had cost Tam to give her that warning about Keefe. How desperate he’d been to avoid the exact situation they were now in.” (740) And Keefe knew that. He knew exactly what it would mean for him to come to Loamnore after explicitly and clearly being told not to. He’s literally that ungrateful of all the warning attempts, all the ways Tam risked his life to deliver them, and completely takes Tam for granted. He’s a horrible excuse for a person, honestly. 

“‘I know,’ Keefe told him. ‘And I tried to listen.’” (744) What does that even mean??? Excuses, excuses, excuses. He could’ve listened if his head wasn’t so far up his own ass. Once again, the “reason” that Keefe came to Loamnore was because he realized they didn’t have an exit strategy, right? But the exit strategy didn’t need him. It needed Linh’s bodyguards. He was completely and utterly unnecessary.

“Keefe slept through the next day—and Sophie chose to stay in the Healing Center with him.” (774) Which she never does for anybody else. Not Fitz in Neverseen, not Biana in Nightfall. As a matter of fact, she never even checks in with Biana on-page to see how she’s doing after the Nightfall incident. More examples of Sophie and the narrative favoring Keefe to such an extent it’s ridiculous. And of course, Sophie will neglect several things and people because of this. And it’s even worse because Keefe brought this all upon himself, while Biana and Fitz didn’t.

“Victory? Didn’t they care about what happened to Keefe?” (776) The narrative is so caught up in what happened to Keefe that it’s completely biased. What happened in Loamnore was a victory. Everyone survived and Enki was made to pay for what he did. That is literally a victory. But as soon as something bad happens to Keefe, that’s enough to make it so that it’s not??? It’s another example of biased writing. 

“He hadn’t woken up the next day either—the third day—even after Sophie decided to transmit the plea over and over.” (778) Sophie literally stays in the Healing Center for three days to look after Keefe, who’s not even awake for her to talk to or cheer up or anything. So she’s effectively wasting time, but of course the narrative doesn’t see it that way. How else will Keefe get his special treatment? How else will Sophie neglecting everyone for Keefe be justified? It’s honestly such an insult to both Sophie and Keefe as characters. Keefe is favored far too much by the story and it’s very obvious that Sophie would do several things for him that she wouldn’t for anyone else (and vice versa), like stay in the Healing Center with him while he’s unconscious for three days just wasting time. 

Unlocked Part One (Sorry, I only finished everything up until the novella. Part Two coming soon, I guess?):

First of all, I have to say that Keefe’s editing of his file is just ridiculously immature, even for a sixteen(?)-year-old. It’s very obvious that Shannon did this because people like Keefe so much and because she’s trying to make Keefe seem “cooler” and more of a bad boy. Personally, I find the attempt hilariously pathetic, but it probably landed with most people, so. And his edits are so boring and unwitty, too. Typical Keefe.

“SPYBALL APPROVAL: None [BUT I HAVE FRIENDS WITH CONNECTIONS, THAT’S ALL I’M SAYING. . . .]” (92) Why would you. Say that. In an official file. And purposefully cast suspicion on people around you. Why.

“SIGNIFICANT CONNECTIONS: [ . . . ] [SWORN PROTECTOR OF THE MYSTERIOUS MISS F]” (93) I would say this is probably a joke, but given Keefe’s attitude throughout the series, It’s very clear that it’s not. Why would you embarrass yourself like that in an official government file???

“[[ . . . ] SHE THINKS SHE’S WAY SMARTER THAN SHE IS. [ . . . ]]” (93) Oh, I think she’s pretty smart. Gisela’s shown time and time again that she’s capable of outwitting and manipulating people into doing what she wants. Meanwhile, here’s Keefe, a stupid teenager, who, by the way, as of this point hasn’t gotten the better of her even once. So I’m not really sure how much we should be believing this guy.

“[[ . . . ] ‘HE KNOWS FOSTER BETTER THAN YOU DO! BETTER THAN SHE EVEN KNOWS HERSELF’?]” (94) I- I don’t even have the words. This is the cringiest thing I’ve read today. Possibly the cringiest thing I’ve read this year. Why is he saying this weird shit in an official government file??? Is Shannon really that desperate to show us that Keefe has a crush on Sophie??? Also, nobody knows anyone better than they know themself. To say that is to write off someone’s feelings. Sophie will always know Sophie better than Keefe knows Sophie. That’s just how it is. Also, this section is about his empathy, nothing to do with Sophie. But see how his mind jumps right to her and immediately connects her to it? That's a textbook sign of obsession and pedestalization. Sophie has nothing to do with his strong empathy. But he brings her up anyway. That’s not a good thing. 

“[THOUGH . . . KEEPING IT REAL? THE FOSTER OBLIVION CAN BE KINDA NOT COOL SOMETIMES.]” (94) Why the hell would you say that in an official government file??? Also, the fact that he thinks the “Foster Oblivion” is not cool . . . like that’s literally none of his business??? God, I wish people would stop harping on Sophie for being oblivious. It’s literally none of their business and also not a bad thing. Sophie can decide what she wants or doesn’t want to believe.

“[BUT THE REST OF THE STUFF IN THIS SECTION IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GETTING REDACTED. SERIOUSLY—BOUNDARIES, PEOPLE! FOSTER’S AMAZING—AND OBVIOUSLY WORKING WITH ME MAKES HER EVEN MORE AMAZING. . . . ]” (97) First of all, counting out all those Os was hell (there are twenty-two). Shannon really needs to stop doing that. That’s what italics are for. Second of all, “boundaries”? Oh, wow. This is so funny, considering all the times Keefe violates Sophie’s boundaries all the time. So not only does he encroach on her space, now he’s a hypocrite. He (rightfully) thinks it’s weird that the Council have an entire section speculating on their relationship, but then in a previous section he says that the Foster Oblivion can be “kinda not cool sometimes”? What?

[cut because character limit]

“[[ . . . ] FOSTER GETS TO DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS, OKAY? SHE CAN LIKE WHOEVER SHE WANTS OR BE CONFUSED ABOUT WHAT SHE’S FEELING. SHE CAN EVEN BE OBLIVIOUS—IT’S HER LIFE. HER CHOICE. AND EVERYONE NEEDS TO STAY OUT OF IT.] [EVEN ME.] [ESPECIALLY ME. I WOULD NEVER WANT TO . . . ] [NEVER MIND. MY POINT IS, LET THE POOR GIRL FIGURE THIS OUT ON HER OWN. [ . . . ]]” (98) If you’ve seen withcindy on YouTube, you probably know about the whole “It’s your choice” thing and how Rhysand invented feminism. If you don't, I highly recommend watching her ACOTAR videos. They’re hilarious. Anyway, that’s what immediately came to mind when I read this scene. Aw, how noble Keefe is. I really wish Shannon would stop beating the audience over the head about how good and sweet and pure and selfless and kind and amazing and spectacular and perfect and angelic and endearing Keefe is. Like Shannon, show not tell. Every time Shannon wants us to see how perfect Keefe is, she just makes him spit out some bullshit that nobody would realistically say. Then he just turns around and continues with his shitty actions, and Shannon thinks that makes him the perfect guy. No, it does not. He’s honestly giving fake-woke vibes with this word vomit. You know, the kind of people that say all the right things but never put it into action? That’s Keefe. He claims everyone needs to stay out of her life because it’s her choice, but then he goes around reading her emotions without her permission and extorting information out of her that she isn’t comfortable sharing. What a hypocrite. Honestly, Sophie should be running. He then says to let Sophie figure it all out herself and even he shouldn’t interfere, which directly contradicts all the times he himself interfered and made jokes about Sophie’s romantic life for his own amusement. More hypocrisy! Love this guy.

“[[ . . . ] I DIDN’T FIGURE IT OUT FAST ENOUGH, AND SHE USED ME FOR A WHILE. BUT THAT’S ALL DONE NOW, AND IT’S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE I TAKE HER DOWN. LET’S MOVE ON, SHALL WE?]” (98) Here, we have a serious contradiction. We’re constantly told Keefe feels overwhelming guilt at his mother’s betrayal (for what reason, I can’t fathom, but whatever) and that he thinks he messes everything up. But at the same time, he’s also easily able to brush right past it and claim that at some point he will for sure “take her down” (because his arrogance is the only thing that can trump his guilt). 

“[[ . . . ] I REALLY DON’T NEED ANYONE REMINDING FOSTER HOW MAD SHE WAS AT ME. [ . . . ]]” (100) Another example of the section having nothing to do with Sophie (it’s about him becoming a Mercadir), yet Keefe still somehow managing to drag the topic of Sophie’s anger at him into it. She’s on his mind all the time. I cannot emphasize enough how strange it is to think this is a good thing. It’s not romantic, it’s obsessive and borderline creepy. Also, Sophie is not going to read this file. Calm down, Keefe.

“[WHY IS THERE NOT A SECTION ON MY AMAZING HAIR????]” (100) Have some more old-school, cringy Keefe “humor”. Ah, it’s just like the good old days when he would talk about his hair almost non-stop.

[cut because character limit]

“But I was only half listening because she gets this cute little crinkle between her eyebrows when she’s trying to be serious, and it makes me want to reach up and smooth her forehead with my fingertip—and I’m betting she’d think I was super weird if I did that, since it’s not like she’s my . . . ” (481) Yes, this is an actual thing Shannon wrote that got past the editors without anyone dying of cringe. First of all, I hate the way Keefe talks about Sophie. She’s just this soft, kind of ditzy, child-like sort of figure in his head. He admits that he doesn’t care what she has to say, he just cares about how adorable she looks while she says it. This is a textbook sign of a toxic relationship. You should care about what your partner/crush says, because that shows that you see them as a person, not as your personal cover model. Also “trying to be serious” paints Sophie as this impudent little child who’s trying to get the attention of the older, more experienced adults and it very much implies that Sophie is not serious, but awwww, look how cute she looks trying to be serious, isn’t it adorable? Except Keefe and Sophie are the same age. So this is another case of textbook infantilization. I hate how this is made out to be normal and healthy in this series, it makes me so angry. And that last part isn’t anything specifically bad but it reads very oddly and is not at all the way real people think. What the heck.

“Pretty sure I’m just stalling, because this feels kiiiiiiiiiiiinda pointless.” (481) Not a Keefe-specific thing, but Shannon needs to stop stretching out her words like that. Especially since he’s literally writing this. Who writes like that??? Just underline it please, Shannon.

There’s a whole paragraph here on page 482 (if I had a digital copy I would copy-paste it here just to show you how cringy and long it is, but sadly, I don’t) which is clearly Shannon just trying to make Keefe look smart while also rubbing his daddy issues in our faces so we can drown in our pity for him. It’s not funny, which I assume it was meant to be. It comes off really, really cringy.

“I’m sure I’ll be digging into my mess of mommy issues soon enough. For now, let’s get back to the day Daddy Dearest met the Mysterious Miss F, shall we?” (484) Correct me if I’m wrong, but the point is this whole draw-memories-and-write-about-them thing is to try to find stuff Keefe’s mom might have erased from his head, right? So why is he completely sidestepping that very valid quest for a deep-dive into his daddy issues? This is not an issue I have with Keefe the person, but rather the way he’s written. Shannon sidesteps what makes logical sense for the story in order to fluff up the story with more Keefe content. In other words, the story’s coherence and logic is sacrificed for more Keefe page time where it doesn’t make sense. And I’m sick of it. It’s ridiculous, and nothing short of shameless fanservice.

“Once they do, they either feel awkward, or weird, or they start pitying me for having such a horrible family.” (485) Maybe if you wouldn’t talk about it all the time and rub it in people’s faces all the time, people would pity you less, hm? (And I am not saying Keefe shouldn’t talk about it, by the way. I'm just saying talking about it so much is not indicative of a person who wants to repress this or doesn’t want people to pity them. If Keefe truly didn’t want anyone’s pity, he wouldn’t keep bringing up his family all the time when it’s not necessary. But he does. It’s really contradictory. Pick a lane, Shannon.) It’s very clear Shannon only has Keefe constantly talk about how much he hates everyone’s pity because she needs to hide the fact that half the time, he’s the one committing that particular act. 

[cut because character limit]

“Thankfully, Foster didn't do that. She just felt sad—and a little bit indignant. And if I hadn't already known I liked her, I would’ve—” (486) First of all, what? Sophie has pitied Keefe for his horrible family several times over the course of the story. It’s constantly shoved in our face as every single other character takes a backseat in the story because poor, precious Keefe needs his pity from the audience, remember? So he’s not even right. Also, how is feeling sad for someone significantly different than pitying them? In both cases, you understand what the other person’s going through and wish it weren’t that way. You feel sorrow at the other person’s suffering. Pity is bad, but feeling sad for someone is good? What? Shannon’s really out here in the trenches trying to make Sokeefe sail off of weird, irrelevantly tiny details and minute differences like this. Keefe literally says that if he hadn’t already liked her, he would’ve started liking her . . . because of that completely insignificant difference. What. What, what, what. The entire point of this horrifically put-together explanation of the memory is to push Sokeefe. Please, can we please involve Keefe in something that isn’t designed to push Sokeefe? That last sentence . . . nobody talks like that. Certainly nobody writes like that. I think it’s supposed to be cutesy, like awwwww, look at poor Keefe with his adorable crush on Sophie, he’s so down bad, but it comes off so weird.

“[ . . . ] I guess that might’ve also had something to do with the bumps and scrapes and broken ribs I got when Mommy Dearest and her Neverseen buddies showed up and tried to steal Silveny. [ . . . ] But that’s not what this memory was about.” (486-487) Once again, we are veering in the exact opposite direction of what the point of this all is. Why do we care about Sophie and Keefe on an alicorn? What exactly does that have to do with Keefe searching for memories his mom might’ve taken from him? Nothing. It’s just another example of Keefe and Sokeefe being pushed above all sense and logic. It’s ruining the cohesiveness of the story. Why do we care? What is the point? 

“All I did was make a bunch of jokes to distract her—and it was super fun feeling her get all annoyed and embarrassed. I mean, look at that adorable blush! I could see it even with the moonlight washing out most of the color.” (488) Keefe’s thoughts about Sophie are truly heinous. He enjoys annoying her and embarrassing her, even back then, when he didn’t really know her that well? Wow, sign me up! I love it when guys annoy and embarrass me. Makes me feel really great. Definitely makes them well-rounded and grounded in reality. I suppose the comment on Sophie’s blush isn’t infantilization in this case, but the way Shannon tries so hard to push Sokeefe at every moment possible is really grating on me. And that last sentence. Who talks like that??? “I could see it even with the moonlight washing out most of the color” what the heck. Why does he talk so stilted like that??? Who. Talks. Like. This.

[cut because character limit]

“In fact . . . if I’m keeping it real . . . I’m pretty sure that blush is the reason I drew this memory. [ . . . ] That was the first time it felt like . . . maybe I had a tiny shot at making this brave, beautiful, blushing girl like me. [ . . . ] But there’s a teeny, tiny chance. And that’s enough. For now.” (489) This all feels so incredibly forced, like Shannon wants so desperately to show you why Sophie and Keefe would be so good together before she actually puts them together. It’s such an insecure way of writing. You shouldn’t have to spoonfeed your reader with weird rambles to show why a pair clicks. The readers should be able to see that themselves through the genuine, candid interactions you write. Through their dynamic. Through their relationship. But Sophie and Keefe’s relationship is chock full of boundary breaching, constant annoyance and embarrassment, and a lack of trust. So spoonfeeding it is! Also the way Keefe thinks about Sophie is just so. Ew. To me. Like it’s so over-the-top for no reason. Nobody thinks like this, even about their crush, even about their long-term crush, even about their long-term crush who they really, really, really like. I cannot believe this got past the editors, I am dying of cringe here. Also, I really wish Keefe would stop tacking “for now” at the end every time he talks about who Sophie will pick, because it really undercuts his supposed support for her choices. What, sometime in the future, he’ll feel like a chance isn’t enough? That’s what that “for now” is giving.

Keefe: I don’t want your pity. Also Keefe: “It’s super, super fun to be me, isn’t it?” (491) (Yes, I am aware that he said this in a private journal. But he says plenty of stuff like this out loud, too. So yeah, he really is just an overhyped pity magnet.)

“Any trust I was supposed to earn from handing over Kenric’s cache vanished the second Sophie did. And I knew the Neverseen were never going to trust me.” (494) He knew that from the start? And didn’t just leave after that? He knew his plan was hopeless and still went along with it. I know I’m beating a dead horse but somehow this makes his plan even stupider than it already was, which is pretty stupid. He literally knew his plan was bullshit. And he still did it. Because he wanted to “save[] the day and fix[] everything” (493). What the heck. Keefe is just. I don’t know how this is a real character. He is just so infuriatingly stupid, I’m actually speechless.

“And I’m pretty lucky no one got seriously hurt, and that Foster forgave me. I wasn't sure if she would.” (494) She really shouldn’t have, not without some serious work on Keefe’s part to gain her trust back. And what has he done since then? Oh, right, he’s hijacked their shared plans, refused good medical advice until he was forced to, extorted her feelings out of her, spilled personal secrets, and not agreed to stay away from the Neverseen when they thought they were specifically gunning for him. Where has he ever done anything to show even the slightest bit of development? He’s basically the same Keefe. No growth, no change. It really is a miracle that Sophie forgave him. Oh, wait, no it’s not. Because Shannon’s writing the series, and she needs Sokeefe to happen. Right. I forgot.

[cut because character limit]

“Sometimes I still worry that some tiny part of her holds it against me. That she’ll never fully trust me. That she’ll always see me as the guy who betrayed her and stole from her and ran off with the enemy.” (494) This would be really cool to explore if it was actually done. Sophie holding this against Keefe and struggling with that in the aftermath of Lodestar would be an awesome way to develop their relationship and have them overcome that hurdle and give them both some much needed development. But we know that aside from a single line at the beginning of Nightfall, Sophie never really blames Keefe. She just immediately forgives him for his time with the Neverseen. It’s pathetic writing. Something like that should have consequences. But it doesn’t, because then our poor Keefe will have to be *gasp* villainized. There could be this whole arc about how Sophie doesn’t trust Keefe the same and it impacts their relationship subtly and both of them feel it but don’t want to talk about it and it’s this giant, gaping hole. Then finally there’s a climax where Keefe confronts her about it and maybe she yells at him and he agrees that he’ll do anything to get her trust back. Then he does it. He does the smart thing, takes the smart advice. And he learns. He understands what he did was wrong and is truly a different person now. Honestly, the fact that Shannon explained this out shows me that she’s aware the possibility of this arc exists, but unfortunately, didn’t actually put it into action. Would it have been the most original conflict ever? No. But it would’ve been much better than whatever this dumpster fire of a lack of an arc she actually wrote is. I think I might’ve genuinely enjoyed Sophie and Keefe as a couple if she’d just made them have some distrust that they overcome through genuine work and growth.

“I make myself remember that expression every time I have to be around Fitzphie. It stops me from screaming, DON’T PICK HIM—PICK ME. [ . . . ] I did that. Not sure I deserve to be forgiven.” (494-495) One thing I really don’t get is why we need this commentary. Half the actual novella is written from Keefe’s perspective. I’m sure Shannon could’ve snuck in something to this effect into his actual inner monologue. Instead, we get this incredibly unsubtle, beating-over-the-head of a pity party. The implication here is that Keefe feels if he hadn’t made so many mistakes, he would’ve been a better partner for Sophie than Fitz, which is not his right to decide. Even if Keefe was a perfect angel who’d never made any mistake ever in his life, Sophie still has the right to choose who she wants to be with. Being a perfect person doesn’t automatically make you entitled to a romantic relationship. So the fact that Keefe thinks this is just so icky and gross. Seriously, the only thing stopping him from being unsupportive of Sophie and Fitz’s relationship (who are his friends, may I add) is the reminder of his own mistake? So if he hadn’t made that mistake he would shamelessly think he was a better choice for Sophie? This is borderline “nice guy” behavior. Then at the end he throws himself a pity-party as a little cherry on top, but of course he doesn’t actually think that, because if he was truly worried about whether he should be forgiven or not he would try to be better. Listen more. Deflate his head a little. Stop thinking he’s the smartest one in the room all the time. But he doesn’t, because he doesn’t care. He is a walking contradiction, the definition of a hypocrite. He annoys the shit out of me.

Also this memory contributed nothing to finding his erased memories and was instead just another vehicle to beat us over the head with Sokeefe content, which makes the Everblaze memory the only one that has actual significance to the task at hand so far.

[cut because character limit]

“I almost lost her. And if I had, it would’ve been all my fault. All of this is my . . . ” (497) Keefe go one page without throwing yourself a pity-party challenge (impossible). Seriously, instead of blaming himself for things that are his fault and that he can learn and grow from, he blames himself for this??? I don’t know how Shannon is even coming up with this stuff. But how are we going to get our pity-parties, no matter how little they make sense, if she doesn’t pull drama out of her ass? Also, once again, this memory has nothing to do with Lady Gisela or Keefe’s erased memories or anything to do with his condition at all.

“That’s been my plan for a long time—and not because I don’t think she can take care of herself. Because she shouldn’t have to. She’s dealing with enough pressure and responsibility and people trying to kill her. If there’s anything I can do to make things easier for her, I’ll do it. No matter what.” (499) I really wish Shannon would stop beating us over the head with all the reasons Sophie and Keefe are perfect for each other. Stop spoonfeeding us, Shannon. If they really do go together well, we’d be able to see it from their bond with each other. We don’t need to have all the reasons they should be together listed out in front of us like we’re reading a textbook. Shannon makes Keefe say all the perfect relationship green flags, as if any normal person talks, writes, or even thinks like this. This is an amazing example of Shannon’s tendency to tell, not show. Now that we’ve covered the tell, let’s talk about the show. Keefe feels the need to take care of Sophie because “she shouldn’t have to”. Okay, but that goes beyond just her physical health. What about all the times she’s wondered what stupid shit he’s going to do next and worried about him? What about her constant need to babysit him so he doesn’t do something dumb? What about the fact that she’s started giving into his plans because she knows she can’t stop him (when they go to London, for example)? Does he care about her enough to think about how his decisions might affect her? Is he even really taking care of her in any effective way? Oh, and this next part actually made me laugh out loud. Sophie’s dealing with so much pressure and responsibility, what if I made that worse by constantly doing stupid things and making her not trust that I’ll listen to good advice? What if I made that worse by making her constantly worry about me because she can’t trust that I’ll do the smart thing? “No matter what”, my ass. If Sophie asks him to sit something out, he doesn’t. If Sophie asks him to obey good medical advice, he won’t. If Sophie comes up with a plan with the group, he ruins it. He’s clearly not willing to do even the most basic things for her. Again, telling us this doesn’t make it true, Shannon. If you look at Keefe’s actions throughout the story, they tell a very different story. When has Keefe ever done anything to make Sophie’s life easier?

Also, this is another memory that doesn’t add anything to Keefe trying to trigger his lost memories. Just more Sokeefe propaganda. Yes, I’m calling it propaganda, because as I’ve hopefully made painfully clear, often the things we’re being told in this commentary thing don’t align with Keefe’s actions throughout the story.

[cut because character limit]

“Or the fact that I was only there because Alden basically asked me to join Team Fitzphie. (Yeah, I know. I wanted to say no. But I said yes for her. She deserves to decide what she wants—even if it’s not me.)” (500) Even if it’s not you? How generous of you to make that clear, Keefe. Sure, Keefe’s above the bar, but the bar’s in hell, so I don’t really know how much that means. Also, he only came because of Sophie? Sophie? The trial wasn’t even personal for her. It was personal for Fitz, his supposed best friend, and Biana, who he apparently thinks of as a sister. And he came for Sophie? Keefe’s gargantuan tendency to pedestalize Sophie and revolve every single one of his decisions around her strikes yet again. He wanted to say no, and the thought of Sophie changed his mind. Sophie. Not Fitz and Biana, for whom this would certainly be a strenuous occasion. Sophie. Goodness. 

“Pretty sure that’s what my mom is counting on. . . . And before I go any farther down that depressing thought-path, let’s move on.” (501) Isn’t that the point, though? To think about his mom and try to see if that triggers anything important? He really should go down that path. Why does Shannon keep sidestepping the actually valuable point of this exercise in favor of . . . whatever the heck it is that I’m reading???

“Pretty sure that proves this project is a waste of time. It hasn’t triggered any new memories. I haven’t learned anything new about stellarlune, or those humans my mom killed, or the letter I delivered, or anything else. Seems like a pretty epic fail. But what else is new?” (502-503) No??? Keefe cannot be this dumb. I refuse to believe it. Maybe the reason the project failed was because . . . none of the memories you chose were of your mom or anything to do with her projects, with the exception of the third and last one, and in those cases the connections to the behind-the-scenes of his mom’s projects were so vague that it’s hard to get anything solid. We know for a fact that Keefe drew the human guy holding the letter. Why didn’t Keefe try to write about that? That actually has a connection to his mom’s project. Same things with the shattered memory they discovered. The memory he remembered about his mom using a starstone to leap to Nightfall. The memory of his mom talking to Brant and Alvar. Anything actually connected to what he’s trying to find. No shit you aren’t going to remember stuff about stellarlune if you draw and write about riding an alicorn with your crush. Are we being for real right now??? And yeah, Shannon could’ve done any of the things I just described. This Keefe-draws-his-memories-and-comments-on-them concept is actually a great idea, Shannon just used it in the worst way possible: to push Sokeefe instead of actually using it for its intended purpose. Imagine how cool it could’ve been if we got a drawing and commentary on the letter or the starstone, or even anything Keefe may have seen during his time with the Neverseen. This is such a waste of potential it pains me. I really wish Shannon would stop sacrificing logic for the love triangle. It’s ruining the story.

Congratulations, you made it to the end. That must've taken you at least a few hours. Go drink some water. I'm going to make a Part Two after Unraveled's release, so. That's a thing.

[takemebacktowheniwassane]

"god I hate people who draw falsettos marvin this way" "fuck people who draw whizzer like that'"

*edited*

...guys, do you know what an art style is???? cuz', this seems pointed. I see what you mean. I completely agree.

But hear me out. Along with these posts, could we consider? Maybe? Some constructive criticism? People should draw them more accurate.

They SHOULD.

But how should they do it? Realism art? It's a foreign concept to me. I try and it absolutely fucking sucks and i'd love to be a part of this fandom showing that the characters are real people but

It's kind of

Just

Very "do this. No other explanation. Change it."

Look, I really want to. And I am trying. But could we like, make a space for teaching people? Cuz I am stumped dude like fr. Need some guidance.

sincerely, a tired lesbian who is infinitely more tired of seeing this everywhere. thanks

[zukkaoru]

could you tell me more about why you dislike femskk?

okay disclaimer before i begin: this is not meant to be a dig on every person who enjoys femskk. the biggest reason i don't like it is honestly because it's just not my cup of tea and honestly it really makes no difference to me if other people like it. but beyond that my biggest issues with it are

1. the phenomenon of fans "yuri-ifying" the most popular m/m ship and then using that to prove they like female characters and f/f ships. this is not a bsd-exclusive thing; it happens with stsg too and i don't like femstsg for the same reason. but there's a big difference between actually liking female characters and just genderbending (or even making transfem) the big m/m ship. i literally went to the f/f category in bsd on ao3 the other day looking for fics and about half of them are skk fics instead of fics about like. the actual female characters in bsd. who i was looking for fics of. similarly, there have been some redraw trends going around twitter - specifically the i prefer girls cover redraw - and i have seen. i don't even know how many femskk redraws of that (along with a couple femfyolais and a femrimlaine) but only one redraw with actual female characters from bsd. same with the scene 14 redraw that was going around, and while that one wasn't originally two female characters, i have still seen significantly more femskk (and femsigzai, femsigchuu, femfyolai, etc) than i have ships with even one character who is female in the source material.

and imo this phenomenon is made even worse in the bsd fandom bc so many fans just see bsd as the skk show. so of course they're writing off the actual female characters; they literally don't care about anything besides skk. and obviously i can't do anything to force anyone to care about other characters but like.... bsd has so many other wonderful characters and dynamics (both romantic and platonic) that a good half of the fanbase won't even glance at because they're not skk. i do like skk, but bsd is about so much more than just them. they are, objectively, only one small part of it. like if you only care about skk, then just be outright about it and don't pretend you're "proving" you like female characters and sapphic ships bc you like femskk too

2. of the fans who only like skk and nothing else about bsd, most of them. don't even characterize dazai and chuuya correctly? i think the some of the best skk characterizations i've seen have been from people who actually like other characters and ships too, and some of the worst skk characterization i've seen has come from people who literally don't care about any other ships or characters. this isn't a hard and fast rule obviously but even with 30k skk fics on ao3, i have struggled to find ones that actually feel true to their characters. and the characterization seems to only get worse when it's femskk. if you're just going to turn femdazai and femchuuya into two completely different people, what's the point in it even being skk? why not write k.ousano or h.igugin or even a ship with one canonically female character? if you have to change the core characteristics of both dazai and chuuya... do you even really like them?

3. about femdazai: i actually don't mind the transfem dazai headcanon in general but most fans get her wrong. i made a post about it here but basically so many times i see femdazais that are just. completely unrecognizable as dazai. you can't strip away core aspects of dazai like idk the fact that dazai doesn't show any skin from neck to toe just because you made her a girl. i have seen some femdazai that's good! but i have seen so much that is just fundamentally wrong for dazai's character as a whole. mostly on twitter.

4. about femchuuya: i really truly just don't get femchuuya. i THINK the hype here is probably bc lesbians seem to get attached to chuuya (which. valid. i am also a lesbian chuuya fan.) and so they want to draw a chuuya they can be attracted to (i.e. femchuuya) which like. cool whatever i'm not here to judge. but looking at it from a "would this character actually identify as female" perspective, i don't actually think i can picture that for chuuya. maybe it's just because i so strongly hc them as nonbinary? idk. this one is honestly just a neutral "i don't see that but you do you"

tl;dr: from what i've seen, femskk is often mischaracterized, and genderbending the big m/m ships in a fandom is often a way fans "prove" they like the female characters and f/f ships while not actually caring about anything other than their main m/m ship

[the-casbah-way]

i’m assuming jamie was written out for real-world logistical reasons but i don’t think he could or should have come back anyway. when the attack dog goes rabid and gnaws through his own fucking leash there's nothing much anyone can do but stand there and watch. you can train a dog to bite for you but once they've got enough of a taste for blood they're going to stop giving a shit about who they've got between their teeth so long as there's something to tear into. maybe malcolm never had jamie on a leash in the first place. maybe jamie didn't bite because malcolm asked him to. maybe he just liked the taste of blood. malcolm hired a loyal dog and got what he paid for because at the end of the day jamie stayed so loyal that it became the death of him. loyal to the party. not malcolm

[iwonderwh0]

I'm not depressed or even feel nearly that bad for this to be a thing, but I can't shake off the superstitious feeling like I'm living my last weeks/months. Can someone who experienced this in the past and doesn't feel this way anymore please tell me I'm just needlessly paranoid and it'll pass?

[kjzx]

I've been playing slitherio these past few days, and after some time messing around with nicknames and my own experience with the stuff, I've realized anger is something very easy to weaponize. On my second attempt of having "trans rights" as a nickname I killed a huge ~5k point worm as a teenie tiny 200 point worm simply because it was so desperate to kill me specifically. Anger makes your life harder, but it also makes people really unwise. I fucking bet this is in "the art of war", even though I haven't read it.

[notadsmpblog]

Listen this shit breaks my heart too and I'm 100% willing to drop Wilbur if it's actually him, but the way some of y'all are actively (and very VERY furiously) taking sides about something that is intentionally being kept vague is kind of weird.

I have been through Amino, Wattpad witchhunts, and so much more. But it's so fucking weird how some of you guys are like "There is no doubt it has to be him!" or "There is no doubt it can't be him!" Shelby is keeping this shit vague for a purpose and Wilbur literally hasn't been on his Twitter in months. You guys are on the same level as those weirdos back in 2016 who would speculate about private things between children, stop it.

It's especially weird how you guys are making DEFENSE AND EVIDENCE posts for him. Stop playing lawyer and Sherlock! Just tell people there's evidence pointing to Wilbur if asked why he's involved, link whatever is needed, and stop making your goddamn threads/posts/whatevers!! I know I'm overusing the word weird, but it's the only way I can describe this. You're not helping her by trying to piece together who it is when she probably FEARED THIS HAPPENING, especially if it IS him.

Stop defending Wilbur for your life. Stop fighting Wilbur through the screen for your life. This parasocial shit is getting out of hand, you don't know either of them. Support Shelby.

[indi-glo-archive]

ppl who only conditionally care about child abuse based on whether the victim makes them uncomfy while they're being abused contribute to a real life child's abuse by sending hate asks regularly, attempting to gaslight them, calling them terrible names, accusing them of terrible things, telling them directly how much they hate the characters the child relates to and enjoys talking about, and being generally racist and ableist in a way that seriously might have scarred me for life, making a literal teenager hate their hobbies, favorite shows, and the people who enjoy those things, and ultimately cyberbullying a child out of multiple fandoms because they don't want to think critically or acknowledge their own faults, all while being 35 and really embarrassing themselves because someone half their age has a better grasp on the concept of nuance than them: more at 6

but noooo, y'all "love neurodivergent/disabled people," have "racists/ableists DNI" in your bios, and don't say slurs, which is all you have to do to not be racist/ableist, so *I'm* some psycho black bitch and you're a wittle angel like the fictional character you infantilize

(P.S. I swear to fucking god if people respond to this post with "but he sexually assaulted someone" and ignore literally every other personality trait/experience he had that could've been relatable to a child abuse survivor and the way people mistreated me, a real human being, which Charlie is not by the way, I will start doing the things you wanted to do to Ben)

[fragglerockopinions]

.

[kkujo]

last night i had a mix of tinnitus and sleep deprivation induced auditory hallucinations which was basically just like. literal microphone feedback. and i think it was triggered by me testing my microphone yesterday bc the feedback was awful but yeah i was lying awake and all i could hear was extremely loud microphone feedback in my brain i'm so glad it's over 😭